The Student Newspaper of Imperial College 22 November 1999 : Issue 1158

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Registry refuse to block bailiff threat

ANDREW OFORI sary forms had been sent. Their tried in absentia and the magistrate were told they would have to wait details would then be checked and had ordered baliffs to arrive in two another two days. Only after a return Registry bureaucracy almost had the apologies made. weeks. The letter was dated 1 1 trip to Ms. Newton did they receive bailiffs knocking at student's doors As the students were not there to November leaving them only eleven the papers. last week when the local Council defend themselves over the summer, days to save their possessions. The The certificates have now been forced students to defend themselves the Council became convinced they Council was now insisting on a new sent to the Council, who have prom against erroneous tax claims. had tax dodgers on their hands and exemption certificate and the students ised to confirm that baliffs will not be The chaos started when West the bemused trio were summoned to rushed to the Registry office in hope sent, and that the students' credit rat minister Council lost some students' court. One of them explained "We of a saviour. ings will remain intact. Ms. Newton paperwork and demanded they pay were really stunned." They reacted They were told they would have was dismayed by the Registry office's council tax. All full-time students are quickly, contacting Westminister to wait a week and were frantic when, lack of compassion: "Their job is to exempt from the tax and only need to Council and once again insisting that having explained the desperation of help people, if they can't do their job provide their local Council with a cer their details had been sent and they the situation, the reply did not because they can't cope then they are tificate from their Registry Office. Even were told the necessary information change.. They brought their case to simply not doing their job." though the three students who shared had indeed been received and the ICU President Tasha Newton, who felt One student who is looking into the accommodation had done this, case would be dropped. the Registry's response was "totally taking legal action against Westmin the Council plagued them with The students were overwhelmed unacceptable" and took the matter to ister Council for harassment stated monthly calls last year demanding when they received a letter on 14 the Deputy Academic Registrar. It was "Registry are more interested in their they pay. On each occasion the indi November informing them the court agreed the students could collect their own standard procedure and bureau viduals would explain that the neces case had gone ahead, they had been forms that day, but on arrival they cracy than our needs." Mammoth genetics research lab unites departments

JIM GEACH & SUNIL RAO that the Imperial site is very old, and consequently the process has been

Despite rumours to the contrary, it hampered by underlying debris left appears that construction of the over from previous structures. new Multi-Disciplinary Research The building is apparently still Building (MDRB) is well underway on budget, though, and construc and, weather permitting, construc tion work is expected to finish by tion ought to be complete on January or February, with the build schedule. ing opening for use by November The new nine-storeyed building, 2000. A few mock-ups of the proj located behind the Biochemistry ect were constructed before being building, is to house and encourage rejected, but again, that is normal scientific research projects that are for projects this size. of a multidisciplinary nature, to try Artist's impression of the new project Richard Toy and his team are and encourage better communica confident that "the quality of the tion between departments. sion, explained that construction Daniel Foreman of the Heery Pro MDRB will surpass that of the Richard Toy, Major Projects has been put back a week due to ject Management Company, who is award-winning Sir Alexander Flem Manager in College's Estates Divi problems with digging foundations. co-ordinating the work, explained ing building." 2 News Felix 22 November 1999 The name's James. [email protected]

Exactly what does the Union do ANDREW OFORI College there is only one thing left co.uk, and they are hoping the entrusted lo it by the College? to do - become the coolest man in former President will create some Many will remember last year's the world!" thing of a media frenzy. Union President as Dave Hellard, Funmail allows users to have Graham Goodkind of Funmail but you would in fact be referring up to 20 personalised e-mail described how the company to [email protected]. addresses using domain names, allowed users to choose a num We launch a new dedicated Sci The former ICU President, cur for example there was a popular ber of addresses from over 5000 ence section with a look at the rently in his final year of Joint response to their last Engalnd - domain names and link them all to nature of scientific: study. Maths and Computing, has Scotland releases where addresses one inbox suggesting "As we go formed an odd alliance with the e- such as [email protected] forward into the future I think it's mail service Funmail. His love of and [email protected] going to catch on". He felt the James Bond and his appreciation were available. They intend to use service, which is "particularly pop of the free web-based email serv Mr 0-0-7.co.uk as publicity vehi ular amongst students", mixed a Another new section, this time ice has led him to change his cle and are taking care of all his unique stylish humour with sound catering for the consultant or name by deed poll to james@0-0- costs as well as providing him with technological service "The under 7.co.uk. The move is attracting some allowance. To coincide with lying system is the most robust on interest from national press and a the release of the new Bond film the market." photo shoot for one national The World Is Not Enough on Fri New releases currently being paper is already being arranged. day, Funmail is releasing over 50 planned include those for The rising star commented, "Hav new Bond domain names includ Hanukkah, Christmas and the Mil

Up, W;; h ing been President of Imperial ing name@shaken-not-stirred. lennium. Welfa re In Brief

CAMBRIDGE INITIATE and whites. According to the "excellent", "approved" and "not NEW LINK-UP WITH MIT research, conducted by Notting approved" according to the quality ham's Professor David James, most of their teaching. Under the gov A partnership agreement between of the discrimination occurs at the ernment's preferred system of Cambridge University and the application stage, and consequent "name and shame", universities Massachusetts Institute of Technol ly it's applications procedures that which receive excellence awards ogy has been hailed by the govern are under review. Although qualifi will be conferred "beacon" status. ment as a "path-breaking innova cations are not an issue, Prof James The paper goes on to suggest that Prince, l-War, Ed TV, Four Knight; tion" which will form the basis for believes that asking people to list continued excellence "could prop in Knaresborough, Carrie 2, the future of global higher educa activities that demonstrate their erly be regarded as a beacon that Abomination...the list is endless. tion. good qualities (empathising, time others should emulate". These Details of the final project are management, teamworking, priori plans are designed to provide a still sketchy, as the deal has so far tising, caring etc) is the problem, as compromise between Vice Chan only received approval from both women and whites tend to get cellors and the Government, but sides in terms of broad principles, involved in more extracurricular mixed feedback to the proposals but it is already known that the activities. suggests that it could be some time "CMI" will have funding of at least As a result, this year Notting yet before a new quality control £84 million. Of this, £68 million ham has asked its applicants to and audit system is finally agreed. will come from the Treasury's Cap detail experiences from their lives, ital Modernisation Fund, whilst the rather than just listing activities. MASSIVE NEW FUNDING remainder emanates from industry Other medical schools are devising FOR BIOTECH CENTRES A rec donations. action plans, encouraged by the ted worid? The CMI will have four broad Council of Heads of Medical The government is set to announce areas of activity: integrated Schools, and will be watching the a programme to pump millions of research; professional practice pro results of Nottingham's changes pounds into biotechnology grammes in innovation and entre- with interest. research. The funds will be avail preneurship: undergraduate edu able to help key institutions coordi The Mountaineers cation; and the creation of a "BEACON" STATUS OFFERED nate the growth of high-tech "clus National Competitiveness Network. TO TOP UNIVERSITIES ters", as recommended in a report commissioned by science minister MED SCHOOLS ACT TO The Quality Assurance Agency has Lord Sainsbury. University spin-off END DISCRIMINATION redrafted it's plans for assessing companies could also be big win universities once again. Vice Chan ners, with hefty government back

jp on lt_ s lower Medical schools across the country cellors have been given just over ing on offer. Prime targets for initial ilh volleyball, net- are acting to counter recent three weeks to respond to a pro funding would appear to be research which suggests that there posed framework that will band Oxford, Manchester, Surrey, Cam is an unwitting bias towards women universities into three categories, bridge, Dundee and Cardiff. 22 November 1999 Felix News 3 Liberal Willis impressed by IC's apolitical stance

SUNIL RAO not a part of the NUS, that IC has a large proportion of overseas stu Tuesday 16 November saw a visit dents and that many of the home to ICU by Phil Willis, Liberal Demo students come from affluent back crat MP for Harrogate and Knares- grounds. He was interested to note borough, in his capacity as the how apolitical the Union is, with no party spokesperson on Education particularly vociferous student and Employment in Parliament. political organizations under the Mr Willis, who has been a pro banner of ICU. He did not seem fessional footballer (for Burnley unduly surprised to find that, unlike FC), football coach, youth worker, many student unions, ICU does not Council Leader and Headteacher have a LibDem society under its for one of Leeds' largest compre wings. hensive schools, before defeating Mr Willis was accompanied by Norman Lamont at the last Gener Robert Browne, the Liberal Democ al Election, came down for a chat rat candidate in Thursday's by- with a number of members of ICU election for the Kensington and Council about how students at Chelsea seat, and was met by Imperial feel about various political Natasha Newton (ICU President), issues. Tim Trailor (Deputy President - Mr Willis expressed his concern Clubs & Societies), Kevin Butcher that Imperial College, despite (Deputy President - Education & Willis (2nd from right) with Sabbaticals Photo: Gareth Morgan being so large, appeared to have Welfare), David Hellard aka taken little part in the various stu [email protected] (ex-ICU Presi Coincidentally, Michael Por- Kensington the same morning. Mr dent demonstrations protesting dent), Rob Haslehurst (Academic tillo, Tory candidate for the Kens Portillo spoke at College last Fri against the introduction of tuition Affairs Officer - City & Guilds Col ington & Chelsea by-election, was day, and Felix hopes to bring a fees. It was put to him that ICU is lege Union). seen campaigning around South report next week.

Careers Fair Flourishes Darwin Development

ing salary' award at £28,000) and SUNIL RAO access to its research collections, GARETH MORGAN Deloitte Consulting, to more techni mostly relating to the fields of cal careers with Logica or Arup, Everybody knows about the Natur entomology and botany. The Last Wednesday's ICU Careers Fair there was plenty to choose from. al History Museum - rocks, fossils, Museum currently employs three was a great success, attracting The only real problem with the dinosaur skeletons, earthquake hundred scientists, and the new almost fifty of the world's top gradu event had been the marquee erect exhibits. A big, impressive-looking project will finally bring their work ate employers and around two ed in the middle of Beit Quad. building on Cromwell Road that into the limelight. Plans are afoot thousand students. There was a Combined with the building works, IC students can get into for free, to hold talks and demonstrations wide range of companies, as well as this had made access to the Union a though very few ever do so in the from members of the scientific the College Careers Service present. problem. As Felix went to press, years they spend here, and a great staff, and for live video links into From high-flying City jobs with however, there had been no reports tourist attraction. the research labs so that members the likes of Chase Manhattan Bank of Wednesday night revellers injur With any museum, there's of the public can actually see and (winner of fhe 'highest quoted start ing themselves on the glass doors. always lots of activity behind the hear for themselves the work scenes - not all related to the being carried out. acquisition and maintenance of The £100 million centre will objects meant for display or to be also offer public access to the col kept in the collection - and the lections database the Museum Natural History Museum is no maintains, which includes identifi exception. It should come as no cation guides relating to the natu surprise therefore to find that the ral world and conservation. Museum takes part in a fair Work is currently being carried amount of scientific research, out on the topics such as acid mostly in the field of biodiversity. rain, parasitic wasps and on the This research is to be brought to study of diseases ranging from bil- the fore, as plans for a "new sci harzia (schistosomiasis) to ence initative" are unveiled. onchocerciasis (river blindness). The Darwin Centre, due to The Museum currently has part open to the public in the summer nerships in over sixty countries, in of 2002, will allow members of addition to the work it carries out The Beit marquee full of prospects Photo: Stephen Hughes the general public unprecedented here in Britain. I Big Issue Felix 22 November 1999 ICU

DAVID ROBERTS sentence). The big difference here is that, as we're a bunch of Imperial College students, we're much Imperial College Union - what is it? It's that big bigger sticklers for rules and regulations. If the letter brick building surrounded by builders, where the bar of the law (or, from time to time, the letter of a fif is, right? Yep, that's the one surely - couple of bars, teen year old book of regulations) says that you some really cheesy music, lots of drunk footballers, can't do something then, goddamit, we're going to occasional party, that kind of thing...Sound like your go to great pains to make sure that no-one does it. view of the Union? Probably - if it isn't then you've Consequently, it can be painfully difficult to get cer either been sucked into the murky world of Union tain things done, as no-one wants to tell you how to politics or you're one of the few first year's who bend the rules to get around the relevant stumbling actually bothered to trek all the way through (and block...Oddly, it's the same problem that pervades take in) this year's Union Handbook. much of the Sherfield Admin Monster (except that the Union staff, sabbaticals and staff do at least tend So, am I going to wheel out the standard Union to smile and act in a friendly manner whilst telling advert once again? Well, actually, no. Rather than you that the answer is a resounding "no"). On the my usual stream of praise and PR, it's probably other hand, however, a solid obedience to a fairly about time that we looked beneath the surface - rigid set of guidelines does mean that, provided after all, the College entrusts the residents of the everything you want to do lies within those lines, get Quad with £750 000 on your behalf every year, so ting things done can be a walk in the park, requir what are they doing with it all? In simplistic terms, ing two minutes of your time (and half a dozen sig that amounts to £75 per student head - and that's natures) - just try setting up your own club and you'll before you take into account other income streams (hopefully) discover that it's not actually very difficult including an annual trading surplus in excess of to get your hands on Union money. £ 1 50 000. So, do you think that you're getting your 75 quids worth? Check out the opposite page for a So, questions of bureaucratic problems aside, is the thorough breakdown of where your money's going, Union truly democratic? Well, point one, turnout is and make up your own mind. low. Very low. Last year less than 1 0% of the College actually bothered to vote in the sabbatical elections, First of all, however, I'm going to look at a few of whilst some Constituent College Union and Dep Rep the other accusations which are frequently levelled elections saw your representatives elected by a liter at ICU... al handful of people - a situation that certainly couldn't be described as democracy in action. But who's to blame? The oft quoted explanation for the [ democracy vs bureaucracy ] ridiculously low turnout (which, in actual fact, is comparable in percentage terms with many other The first impression that most newcomers to the unions across the country) is that no-one's going to Union (newly elected club officers and the like) get bother voting if everything seems to be going well. is that it's hopelessly embroiled in a level of bureau Maybe. More to the point, the seemingly cracy and faux-democracy that would make the inescapable adherence to an apolitical stance world of Dilbert look streamlined. Apart from really ensures that elections are never decided on policy, bad PR, is this view of endless committee meetings personal politics or affiliations. In all honesty, (which seem to talk around issues for hours, whilst turnout will remain low until there genuinely looks leaving all the real decisions to be made behind the like there's a difference between the candidates. scenes) true? Well, there's certainly no end of com Last year we saw fourteen candidates stand for sab mittees attached in some way shape or form to the batical positions (myself included) and, apart from a running of the Union, all with their own impenetra couple of more "extreme" choices, there was practi ble set of acronyms, customs and rules - however, cally nothing to choose between them apart from this is true of student movements as a whole. It'd be personality, gender, department and hair colour. very dangerous to let students with no previous And if that's the case, why bother voting at all? Until experience and very little training loose with thou we get a decent Jeffrey Archer v Ken Livingstone bat sands of pounds of taxpayers money or the safety of tle, turnout is going to continue to crawl along the several hundred students - that's why most student floor. unions make a big play of electing three million undergrads to important sounding positions and On the other side of the coin, however, once a then let the permanent staff get on with actually run group of officers have been elected they do tend to ning the place. In this respect, ICU is no different - run things in a (more or less) democratic fashion. they're just less proficient at hiding the particularly Whilst some may attempt to steamroller those boring committees under the carpet (if I actually around them in an attempt to further their CV or stopped to tell you what the likes of House Commit personal agenda, the forced adherence to that com tee or Student Development Committee actually did, plex committee structure means that getting any you'd be asleep before you reached the end of the thing controversial done is damn hard. No-one is 22 November 1999 Felix Big Issue 5

really the boss (the Union President can't actually [ finance ] order the other sabbaticals about) and the perma nent staff are strictly limited to non-policy making, This year, the Union's income will total something in Civil Service - esque roles (assuming that the Civil the region of £930 000 (not including profits from Service ran cheesy club nights and sold curry-like the bars, shop and catering, which are accounted substances), most importantly, however, it's demo for in a separate "Strategic Reserve" which funds cratic because you can get involved any time you major capital projects like the Beit basement refurb). want to - just turn up to Union Council or Exec and This year, this not insignificant pile of cash will be make yourself heard. spent approximately as follows:

CLUBS (23%)

ADMIN (19%)

Apr CCUs (13%) .^^^1^

STAFF SALARIES (27%) SABB SALARIES

Clear now? No, I thought not. Some more explanation you're getting your money's worth... probably wouldn't go amiss. Right, so what do the cat egories above mean and where does that money go? [ staff salaries ] The Union wouldn't function without a backbone [ clubs ] of continuity, based around some damn fine perma Clubs are funded through seven different group nent staff. Although the staff who run and man the ings : sports, media, culture, overseas, social, recre .bars, catering and events are paid for out of trading ational and Silwood Park. Of these, sports is far and revenue, the salaries of the remaining full-time and away the biggest winner, picking up something in the part-time (ie student) staff still makes up the largest region of £80 000 in Union grant, principally to sub portion of the funding cake, requiring nigh-on a quar sidise travel to matches, affiliation fees and kit. How ter of a million pounds to keep the Union running. ever, the biggest individual winner is Felix itself, which picks up £20 000 in subsidy, plus a sabbatical editor [ admin ] (ie around £33 500 in total). Nice. The least fun element of any organisation is administration, and as so much of what the Union [ ecus ] does is voluntary, it probably looks like it occupies a The lions share of the £120 000 or so that heads worryingly large portion of the funds available. How in the direction of the CCUs goes to ICSM Union ever, although much of this section is accounted for by (something like £80 000 this year) to fund club and the more mundane items (stationary, travel, deprecia society activity (which isn't included in the section tion and the like), I've also lumped things like elec above). There's also a few thousand pounds for CCU tions, marketing and welfare provision into the publications (ahem), mascotry and Exec expenses - "admin" bracket, so at least some of it is actually pro note that no-one gets any money to subsidise social viding useful services. events, so all dinners, balls, shows and discos must break even. [ miscellaneous ] Erm...well it's the stuff left over, and to be honest [ sabbatical salaries ] I'm not quite sure what's accounted for by that inno This year we have six sabbaticals (four Union offi cent looking 9%. At a guess I suspect that maintaining cers, the Felix Editor and the Med School President), the minibus fleet and providing for the women's all receiving a salary linked to the standard PhD grant, minibus service are in there somewhere, along with including a free hall room as part of the deal. Each similar fluffy stuff like the day nursery and student one costs approximately £1 3 500, so I hope you think development. Very nice, I'm sure. 6 Science Felix 22 November 1999 What is Science? What is logic? ills. Do we need them? Science investigates

This is Imperial College of Science, Technology deal of time here learning and applying scientif and Medicine, and all of you will have taken a ic knowledge, it's easy to lose sight of scientific science subject at some point, and maybe you're reasoning. Laboratory work will consist of an f.onti\ A doing science right now. Or are you? Is there edited version of discovery - you will learn the really a difference between studying science and important and correct techniques for working in carrying out science? Do we really know what a lab, but you will rarely have to come up with a science is? Over the next few months I'll be trying hypothesis and go through the entire process for to find out more about the science that goes on yourself. Worse still, in the first few years, entire in this place and what it is about science which experiments are set out in the script before you, makes it such a powerful form of human thought. with no requirement to follow a pattern of rea It's 1,500,000 BC, and what will one day soning to reach your conclusion. Even lectures, n..^N, .!-: become downtown Cairo is your home for which make up the majority of the course, will tonight, a series of caves and shelters. Amongst generally consist of relaying facts, while saying your many natural enemies little of the reasoning which you can count cold, disease "The next generation lead to the discovery of this and the large animals which fact. linger in the dark. But you of scientists must So why is this so impor know about flames. Some tant? Well, scientific knowl times lightning strikes or hot be able to think like edge only goes so far, and i ' ;i::: weather bring large fires and the next generation of scien with them, heat and light. All scientists, or tists, currently in training, will the other animals fear it, be expected to use their sci and although you use it to scientific reasoning entific reasoning to push the your advantage, you are still frontiers further. They will not dependent largely on when stops." be able to do this without these fires come. But one being able to think like sci day you notice that a sharp flint makes a spark entists. They must know how to acquire new almost like a tiny fire. Could these be tiny fires? facts, as well as apply current knowledge - other Could they be used to make fires? You take some wise scientific progress stops. So why aren't these i ;

small twigs and dry leaves, things you know burn second nature to the whole College by now? causing m easily. You add a spark... Probably the only answer is that there's not

Of course, whether our ancestors used rea enough time. Imperial didn't get to where it is by son or a lucky chance to make fire will probably turning out graduates who think by pure reason, never be known. But look at the method you just but don't even know the basics of calculus. How used. Observation, hypothesis, design experi ever, there's time in a three or four year course to ment, perform experiment, collect results, draw teach something extra. Maybe our scientists conclusions, learn something new. This is the would be able to communicate with a much larg fundamental scientific method, from which every er section of the public if, instead of a language,

thing we study here comes. the Humanities Department began to revive the hi; It's been argued in the past that a scientist almost forgotten ancient skills of logic and rhet cables. will know the underlying processes behind a sys oric. Imagine arguing in French without speaking

tem, so it's naive to describe someone so primi it to a reasonable degree of fluency. Logic gave 'I .I 1 ' i ' i I ; tive as a scientist. He would know nothing of the birth to science and is the basis of the scientific physics of a flame or the chemistry of iron, for method, while rhetoric is the highly developed art will !:

example, while a true scientist would. However, of persuasion and communication. There is an a lt.ni .

think for a moment about what science is; the option in Science Communication available, but I study and application of acquired knowledge, rarely .taken up, while logic is assumed knowl and the discovery of new knowledge through the edge. In an age where science is considered to scientific method. In short, scientific knowledge be the most developmental force on which and scientific reasoning. So a scientist can be a progress depends, yet scientists are less able to person who thinks scientifically. So whilst our log communicate with the general public world-wide, ically-minded caveman may not have a white surely these should be considered as important coat yet, you could still consider him to be a sci as learning a foreign language? entist. Unfortunately, while we may spend a great JOHN CLIFFORD

Calling all science writers

Considering a career in scientific journalism? Need practice of writing scientifically? Or just want to write about something that interests you? Why not use the science column to address the whole of college? Either e-mail [email protected] or drop in to the portacabins Tuesday lunchtimes. 22 November 1999 Felix Business Feature

The Times They Are A-Changin'

Come gather 'round people wherever you roam And admit that the waters around you have grown Are you ready for the And accept it that soon you'll be drenched to the bone If your time to you is worth savin' Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone Digital Age? For the times are a-changin'.

the exploits of men and women of scientific poses the distinction seems slight. This column What's the story... genius, citing names such as Lovelace, Bab- will seek to explore the reasons this appears to bage, Turing, von Neumann, and Cray. That's be the case. The government is so concerned

Bob Dylan has probably caught the Zeitgeist of probably why I am not a historian. Don't misun that it published a hefty e-commerce study this the age better than most. His lyrics are truer now derstand me I respect all of the above hugely, summer than when they were penned in 1963. What is and I'm sure there are people of their calibre the idea of this new business section? Simple. If amongst our generation at IC. But while science E is good you are reading this article then you are proba is the fuel of progress, business has and always bly a student at IC, which is one of the better will be, the engine of progress. Who doesn't Open any newspaper, watch any TV channel, lis technical and scientific universities in the country. want to make a profit? Be it an individual, com ten to any radio station and you will be bom It has an international reputation. So what? This pany, institution or country. It is the profit motive barded about 'e-commerce'. Quite a lot of the column proposes that of all the universities in the that has driven the shift from Machine Age to talk is rubbish. The truth about e-commerce at country, IC is best poised to take advantage of Digital Age and to whatever age comes next. the moment is that very few companies know turning its intellectual capital into the basis for Maybe even Internet Age? And it has been an how to make a profit using it. Hence the wealth world class companies. epic shift. of views, articles and opinions. It is often a case What bugs me is how little advantage IC of the blind leading the blind. Here's an idea, if Looking across the pond (institution, students and lecuters) has taken of you want to make a lot cash become an e-com the changes in the global economy, especially merce consultant. At times of confusion and

The first question that needs to be answered is the commercialisation of the internet. After all, uncertainty people seek certainty. Hence any can Britain compete with the 8001b gorilla of the the World Wide Web was created just down the 'visionary' who states his case convincingly world economy: the good ol' U S of A? Let's just road by a UCL lecturer. This column has a enough will be heard through the noise. Who is list some world class American technical univer healthy scepticsim about the rate at which the Henry Ford of the Internet age? There a few sities: MIT; Texas A&M; Stanford; Caltech; Europe is producing world beating high tech potential candidates out there and this column Berkley. Pick any one of these: Stanford say. In companies. Have you heard the story of Darryl will seek to separate the wheat from the chaff. the past 20 years here are some companies, that Mattocks? you might have heard of, that had there roots in It's the economics, stupid this institution: Sun; Silicon Graphics; Yahoo; Darryl who? Amazon; Cisco. Having a bright idea, or a killer application in The list goes on. An interesting exercise to Six years ago two guys in their early thirties, the current lingo, or being the smartest person do, is to get a copy of the Financial Times, look independently had the same idea. One of them on the planet can actually count for surprisingly at the Nasdaq share prices page and calculate was in Seattle the other in Oxford. They both set little. Not even the biggest country in the world the combined value of these companies. I chal up what each claimed to be the world's biggest can defy the laws of economics, let alone any lenge anyone to name a European university that on-line bookstore. Both listed around a million one individual. From the business perspective, has produced so many valuable companies in books, both were equally accessible from any the internet has not yet destroyed distance as the the past twenty years. where in the world, and both offered similar bookselling example shows. services for customers, such as e-mail notifica Another area that this column intends to The twenty year test tion when a new book by a favourite author had explore is what infrastructure is required to give arrived. In theory this should have been a classic Imperial a competitive advantage. It boils down example of how the internet would make a non I picked twenty years because it is a number that to why is there not an equivalent to Silicon Val sense of geography? Wrong. is easy to relate to, it's probably about the mean ley here. There have been murmurings about Sil age of an IC undergrad. In twenty years time You know the story about the other guy prob icon Fen, and it is certainly a potential competi many of us will be in our forties, or thereabouts. ably better than I do. Who is he? Jeff Bezos, tor to any London based high tech centre.The How many billion dollar companies do you think everyone's favourite internet billionaire. What point can be illustrated by stating an extreme will be created as a result of a direct association happened to Darryl you may ask? Well, he did example. An African teenager with the smartest with IC? Feel free to email Felix with your n't do too badly I suppose: he sold out for about internet idea is not going to get very far, if he is answers. two million pounds. stuck in his village. However, if you stretch the boundaries of this This case study is a salutary lesson for any little exercise it will include companies like Intel one out there considering starting their own high Kick off and Hewlett-Packard, and the combined value tech business. Let's propose the following starts to look silly. hypothesis: for any given high tech idea, with This column will kick off with series of articles everything else being equal, it is a heck of a sight profiling of a former Imperial PhD student and The profit motive easier to turn it into a market leading business onetime lecturer, who I like to think of as the Bil proposition in the US than outside of it. This is lion Dollar Doc. Watch this space.

The historians of the age will probably focus on not to say it is impossible but for practical pur Bashari Bakari 8 Union Felix 22 November 1999 RSM Union After a successful start to the year for the Miners, it's time for more of the same, with barnights, the Christ- mas Ball and the annual highlight that is Foreign Students Week all taking place over the next month. his year has got off to a good in RSM traditions that culminates in I T start with barnights being well the Christmas Ball (more about that attended by the new first later). It includes an open top bus years, and the old alcoholics (you trip around London on Monday know who you are Jeffries), thanks afternoon, with beer and an RSM to everyone for making the effort. tour guide included. On Tuesday We are especially proud of former we travel down to sunny Cornwall Exec members who are trying to for a trip to the China Clay Works, educate the new students in the art and a pub crawl around Dartmoor of stopping taxis (by lying in the organised by a member of staff middie of Queensgate). Of partic with intimate knowledge of the ular note was the Karaoke Barnight area. We return on Thursday to the in Southside, where everyone made RSM bar for our foreign students a fool of themselves, including the barnight, with free beer and yards resident gangsta rappers - go on offer. Segun. As noted previously, most The weekend begins with the freshers do not remember the arrival of 40 Dutch lads from Delft Freshers Dinner, but some people under the pretence of a rugby Main: Roast fillet of lamb with ber the evening by. If you are claim they've forgotten it (Moony). match on Saturday 4th December. rosemary, garlic and cumber- tempted then come to the RSM There was a high turnout, and Coaches will be running out to land sauce Union office any lunch time after everyone seemed to be enjoying Harlington, since it is a very social Desert: Chocolate truffle torte the posters have gone up - keep themselves at the bar later, soon to occasion, and supporters are very with raspberry coulis your eyes peeled in the department be regretted by some when the pic welcome. This match is an annual Followed by coffee, mints and for final details and notification of tures come out (limpet boy, you event and is usually very well sup a laugh at the Exec attempting to when the tickets go on sale! know who you are). There were ported. make their speeches (as well as a some impressive attempts to win guest speaker who will be amus regalia the shark hat and beer goggles, christmas ball ing!) The most important thing to not forgetting the chunder bib. To note is that there will be wine and It has been noted that none of you see who the winners are, come After retiring to the bar at the end beer with the meal all included in freshers have been buying any RSM along to the UGM at the end of of the match, we then return to the price of the ticket. regalia this term. This is essential in term, when all crimes can be RSM for the social event of the year, After the meal we will return to order to state your identity to the grassed up. the RSM Christmas Ball. This is a the JCR, where we will be joined by rest of the gimps in College (C&G Many students also attended ball that is well run and managed, the Delft visitors and any others and RCS take note) especially as the RSMA Annual Dinner, with all unlike other IC balls - and for the who wish to take advantage of the we have the best regalia at Imperi 30 students being sponsored by first time this year it will be a dual 3.00am bar extension, a sexy al. Association members, and had an venue event. The reception will be female DJ will be there for those The following items are avail enjoyable evening, thanks to those held at 7.30pm in the JCR where a who can still stand and I'm sure able for purchase :- who organised it. "free" champagne and cocktail there will be some smoochy num Hooded sweatshirts (great for The next main event to hit the reception is being put on to get bers on for Cockayne (the studly field trips and barnights) in RSM is a week of high spirits, drink everyone in the mood to party. The President) to display his recently black, blue and grey at £21 ing and fun that is Foreign Students meal will be held in the SCR with a acquired pulling skills! T Shirts, also in black, grey and Week. For those of you in the dark, harpist to serenade any lovebirds. Tickets will be on sale ASAP bottle green at £6 (as well as 2 students from each good mining The menu wil! be:- with a single ticket being £42 and assorted limited edition Cam college in Europe (that's you Starter: Sliced Mediterranean a double ticket at £80. This price bourne and foreign students banned Camboume) come to RSM tomato with mozzarella and includes a free professional photo week t shirts from years past) for a week of revelry and education olive vinaigrette graph with your chums to remem Rugby shirts at £20

CONTACTS

President, Matt Cockayne Rugby Captain, Segun Lawson Mens Hockey, Henry Winfield-Chislett, [email protected] [email protected] [email protected]

Vice Presisdent, Ruth Easterbrook Football Captain, Nigel Milner Ladies Hockey, Karina Tarling [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] 22 November 1999 Felix Union 9 The State of the Union

Free Money By Natasha Newton, Imperial College Union President - This Week's Union Meetings - The Convocation Trust A Summer Vacation award which need the exemption certificates no cases as urgent as this at pres Mon 22nd November has to a be Summer holiday for year again...l phone registry and they ent - in fact cases this urgent come 13.00 Retail Committee (Clubs 2000, which has nothing to do with say "one week, standard proce up once every 5 years. I asked the Committee Room) your course. (For individuals) dure". The words 'no f***ing way' other Presidents of ULU, some from 17.00 IC School of Medicine Dunsheath Expedition awards sprung to mind and in fact the Colleges of twice the size of IC and Vice Principal's Question time Open to current students and recent magic one week was broken after they all replied emphatically that 1 8.00 Media Group (Southside graduates. (For groups of two or some sharp wrangling. Surely, their registries would do all they Bar) more). Sorry, electives don't count. though, the registry could and could to get the certificates done in Application forms and further details should have jumped to attention to a day. All said their college would Tue 23rd November are available from me. help these guys - it shouldn't take manage it and some said their 13.00 Arts & Entertainments Waterstones Hardship book fund the Union President getting vicious forms usually only take two minutes Board Treasurers meeting If you struggle to afford books, to make things happen in an emer and asked me why we have a (Resource Centre) come get an application form from gency. If the guys had not come to queue anyway - good question. 20.00 Community Action me. see me, would Registry honestly Obviously, the Council is to Group soup run have let them loose their stuff to blame for the main cock-up, and I think it's disgusting the Bailiffs? It appears so ... after hours of struggle we got what Thur 25th November Imagine a group of students in Then imagine that when the was needed. BUT, two years of IC 13.00 Rag General Meeting - a flat. The Council loses their guys go to Registry they change UK Undergrads are now paying all welcome (Rag Office) paper work and starts procedures their tune and say two days but not £1000 a year to be here, whilst 12.30 Recreational Clubs against them for not paying Coun today. It is the opinion of the Reg other groups of students pay thou Committee Treasurers meeting cil Tax. Imagine that when they ask istry that other students, waiting for sands more, so is the sen/ice you (Resource Centre) Registry for the certificate of standard proof (which you have receive good enough? 13.00 House Committee exemption they have to wait a months to supply) should take (Clubs Committee Room) week, even though it is about to go precedent over those facing imme Maccy D's 1 7.00 Student Development to Court. Imagine that the Council diate loss of their belongings. They This week I have been mostly 1 8.30 ICU Executive (Resource misreads the certificates, then goes claim that there may be people dealing with discounts! We wait for Centre) ahead to court - but doesn't tell facing Court action in the queue. Warners, but the HMV cards are 20.00 CAG soup run them. After the case the Council For the interest of the Registry staff, here and McDonald's are sending threaten to send in the Bailiffs. The most people who come to Court their free burger/ice cream cards Fri 26th November students come to see me and we will speak to either me, the DPEW to me and I hope they will be here 13.00 SCC Treasurers phone the Council, who say they or the Union Advisor, and I know of by the time this issue is out. (Resource Centre) Welfare Update

IC Health Centre By Kevin Butcher, Deputy President (Education & Welfare) several Colleges and Universities). Be With things settling in this term safe and be aware. If you have any and the end fast approaching, just a and cancelling. That extra 8 weeks attendance can be damaging to your questions, worries or have been few words about the Imperial College can be put to good use towards health and your finances. They offer approached on campus, please con Health Centre in Southside, South ICHC patients, leading to an even help under two guises: as self-help tact myself, Martin Thomson or Tasha Kensington. Check out the web site better service. All students and staff groups or under the false banner of Newton (ICU President); details for information on the services pro are potential patients so it is in all our "religion". This is not true. Many reli below. vided - www.ad.ic.ac.uk/healthcen- interests. gions are genuinely represented at tre. A recurrent problem is the sur IC, via ICU clubs (for example Cath Contacts prisingly high number of appoint Groups operating on campuses. Soc or Islamic Society) or non-union Kevin Butcher [Deputy President]; ments made by patients who then University can be a trying time. IC aligned groups (such as Christian internal extension: 58064; choose, for whatever reason, not to Every year groups and organisations Union). The groups you should be email: [email protected] attend those appointments - a "no- target campuses across the country, wary of clearly do not include these Tasha Newton [ICU President]; show". Current figures from the playing on student's weaknesses to or any of the other faiths which are 58061; [email protected] Health Centre suggest that since encourage them to join in with their genuinely represented. Martin Thomson [Union Adviser]; December 1 998 the amount of time activities. IC usually suffers less than It is necessary to be very general 48067; [email protected] lostthrough "did not attend" appoint other colleges in London. However in describing such dangerous ments is approximately equivalent to students need to be vigilant and groups. That sounds a bit heavy. Bit at the end a full-time doctor working for eight aware. If a stranger approaches you Don't worry, these groups are few Please feel free to contact Martin weeks at the Health Centre. This is on campus offering friendship, sup and far between and it is rare that or me with any questions or queries. quite a significant amount of time. If port and help as long as you attend you will be stopped on campus. If you have questions or answers to you have an appointment and can a meeting of their group - DO NOT However, please be aware that there problems you feel other students not make it, cancelling it frees that ACCEPT. One meeting may lead to are unscrupulous people about; could benefit from, please get in time up for other patients. There is no another, pressure may be applied, here, at other universities and around touch and the problem and solution cancellation fee, there is no recrimi leading to sustained attendance. ULU and Bloomsbury (a big target may well appear here in future edi nation for calling or emailing them Their offers are hollow and sustained due to the high density of students at tions. 10 Feedback Felix 22 November 1999 Poi nt

As I have said before, sport is here and row for us). Our rowers fessional Sport & Leisure Manager. get on and train with top-class extremely important to students. gain gold on the water - and in the Since his arrival at IC five-odd facilities and top-class resources. And rightly so, since it allows the exam hall - on their own merits. years ago, Frank has revolutionised Surprise surprise, they win. Habitu participant to develop both physi Don't get me wrong, our other the boat club, spearheaded ally. cally and mentally during their time sports clubs do weii enough within major projects and set about In a world where more and here. It fosters community spirit UL leagues, but that Boat Club upgrading sports facilities general more new universities are tempting ("the ability to work in a team" is "edge" just isn't there. But wait - I ly. The boat club's poorer relatives students to their hallowed portals something which prospective hear you cry - our other sports at ICU, whilst not getting a bad with bigger and better facilities, IC employers increasingly look for in clubs don't have the benefit of pro deal by anyone's measure, simply needs to recognise that more and applicants CVs) and it's a great fessional training facilities such as do not have this powerful resource more people will expect similar excuse to keep the bar profits the Putney Boat House, nor at their fingertips. juicy morsels for their £1000 p.a. rolling. Olympic-standard coaches such as Which is why I'm about to sug membership fee. So, given the importance of Bill Mason. Exactly. Which is why gest something a bit radical. Perhaps it's time for ICU to such activities, can we at IC claim I am surprised that nobody has Loughborough University is admit defeat. For years it has to provide an environment under ever asked "why not?". renowned for the excellence of its known that Frank Murray has the which sporting excellence is I'll tell you why not. The true sports teams. This is made possible means to make sport better for all allowed to flourish? Well, in one picture is that ICU, in reality, has by the university's direct funding of at Imperial. In short, it is time to let area at least. The IC Boat Club very little control over the Boat an Athletics Union, distinct from the professionals do their job, and repeatedly proves itself the better of Club. In fact, it only provides the Students Union : a similar posi establish an Athletics Union, with both Oxford and Cambridge (and, roughly 50% of its funding. The tion to the one enjoyed by IC boat an elected student as its president by the way, we don't have to bribe real force driving up standards on club. Free from the shackles of (and Frank as its manager) to reha steroid-filled Americans to come the river is Frank Murray, IC's pro petty student politics, teams can bilitate sporting life here at IC.

PRESIDENT PREPARED mittee has been reviewed and increased: the fine known to the student representative dealing with has gone from £100 to £200 and the charge Ericsson, as well as writing them in his column As reported on last week's front page of Felix, the from £1 00 to £500. Still on the topic of fines, the (come.to/mishmash to read all Kevin's previous C&G "Raiders of the Lost Bus" trip to Brighton and question of where money raised by fines should columns). It is still not too late to resolve the situ its associated antics did not go exactly to plan. go was discussed. It was asked if this was a par ation. Ericsson stand to make a huge amount of Unfortunately, too many people knew about the ticularly important point to consider, as surely the money from IC in the long term, and will not be plot to kidnap ULU President Matt Butt, and the amount of money raised by fines should be very put off by a few reasonable requests from stu team's attempts were foiled. One of those who low, as it has been in previous years. Natasha dents. Kevin hopes that ICU will not support a thought she was in the know was our very own immediately enthusiastically responded: "Say if a proposal which is significantly less impressive than supremo, Natasha. However by the time news of that which we should be able to demand. The lat the plot had reached her presidential suite, details est is that although "Internal calls will be free, of the scam had become rather sketchy. On hear short codes will not be in the same way they are ing that a squad was going to attempt to kidnap not at the moment". Kevin had assumed that 'the president' and take them to Brighton, things could only get better, even he will be Natasha jumped to the erroneous conclusion she Mish amazed if Ericsson proves to be worse than ACC. was the target. Kevin can confirm that to avoid being caught unprepared, on the morning of the Brighton Run she was up, dressed, and ready to WOW be snatched before 6 am. Kevin hears Natasha was actually looking forward to a nice relaxing Mash The new Rector, who is presently remaining day at the seaside, and was thoroughly disap A Mostly Harmless Column by innominate, has been selected. Kevin can confirm pointed when the squad failed to turn up. Kevin, a random entity who that when their name is announced, reaction will knows nothing about nothing be one one of: "Wow". Kevin has also learnt that the new Rector's wife has already been shown MONEY MONEY MONEY whole rugby team came in ... and they were fined round the magnificent rectorial residence at 1 70 fifty quid a head, you could make a fortune." Queens Gate, and has said she: "Quite likes it." At the latest ICU Council the re was a lot of talk on The Director of Estates was rather disappointed at the subject of fines, bans, and other punitive this comment. Any plans he may have had to sell penalties that could really get on your nerves ERICSSON EXCUSES the architecturally outstanding house he has should you or your club find themselves on the recently described as "a nice piece of real estate" receiving end of them. Kevin is not happy with the present state of the will almost certainly have to be put on hold. Clubs can now be fined or banned from Union Ericsson deal. When Kevin first heard of the deal, Facilities if their paperwork is not up to scratch. In he saw it as a fantastic opportunity to get brilliant, To comment or contribute: addition the maximum fine and charge that can affordable communications for IC students. As a http://come.to/mish mash be imposed on a student by the disciplinary com non-apathetic student, Kevin made his opinions or email [email protected] Carniva. 12 Feedback Felix 22 November 1999 FELIX Feedback DEMO OR DEMOCRACY? suited the right wing. social and interpersonal skills by ....Breakpoint's sniffiness about going to social events whilst studying, 1158 Dear Felix, "new" members of council are tanta or the C&G star who has 29 UCAS mount to an argument for ensuring points but has never gone out. As the proposer of the "NUS the Union is always run by the same Surely, the "big question" that Demo" resolution passed by iCU old tried and tested hacks...If Break- C&G students should be asking is council, I'm pleased to see it stimu Point is unhappy with the democratic how their exec is still organizing lating some debate (Breakpoint, Felix processes of the Union, any sugges events that fail to improve their social 1157). I'm a strong believer in tions for improvement would be wel and recreational skills, since no one democracy and believe that such come. Life-long elective dictatorship turns up to them, hence the heavy .Andrew Ofon debate is its backbone. Can I there for presidents perhaps? losses. For the President of C&GU to fore suggest to Mr. (Ms?) "Break Finally, I'll leave you - and say that he doesn't mind if they waste point" that (s)he submits a paper to BreakPoint - with this thought: the their Union resources is inappropri the next union council, allowing amount spent on advertising the ate and not helping his students. If he these concerns to be openly debated demonstration is a tiny fraction of the want's to see a well run event, that in a democratic forum? annual pewter tankard budget. appeals to students, he could do worse than attend the RSM Christ

George Constantinides Paddy Hayes mas Ball. Our Freshers Dinner had Art' Ben Fisher ICU Equal Opportunities Officer nearly 50% of the freshers attending. Books Russell Cummer The day C&GU manage 25%, I'll Diary. Tom Leggett Dear Felix, RIVALRY RELIGHTS take my hat off and say well done.

Writers I feel I must reply to the points Dear Felix, Yours faithfully,

Sunil Rao, Jim Geach, made in Breakpoint in last weeks Matt Cockayne, Andy Ofori, Gareth Morgan, issue. Whilst broadly supporting Mr I would like to raise a couple of RSMU President John Clifford, Bashari Bakari, or Ms Point's right to remain anony issues about Mr. Ganesarajah's col Kevin Butcher/Natasha Newton, mous, to use this anonymity as a umn in Felix last week. Firstly, how James Holian, Tom Leggett, cloak to hide behind, then level a does the statement that C&G fresh MEDICAL DEFENCE Will Dugdale, Steve Jolly, Gus series of inacurate criticisms and ers have an A-level points average of Paul, Matt Cockayne, Helen veiled insults, seems unfair and cow 29, which obviously makes them Dear Felix, Clark, Marie Nicholaou & ardly. superior to all the other freshers at David Roberts ...The ICU holy grail is to be Imperial, have any relevance to the I agree with Ben Jones (not my apolitical and proud of it. I see noth "big question" of what C&GU can real name) Medicine4 on the subject Reviewers ing to be proud of in standing back do for them? To imply that C&G that Felix has improved vastly, but the and doing nothing while student graduates earn more than other IC idea of Prince Albert is to not be a

Sunil, Helen, Tim, Viv, Russell, hardship is worsening. I see nothing graduates purely because of the fact Felix clone. It is to give the medics Eleanor, William, Allypally, to be proud of in apathy and igno they have an "industry orientated" across the campuses some light- Mo, James, Tom, Etienne, rance of the wider situation. Most of degree is nonsense. I think that the hearted humour and something I ouise, Alex, Dan B, Joel, all, I see nothing to be proud of in medics may claim quite rightly that alternative to read. You won't find the taking cynical sideswipes while a their degree's are actually rather latest cinema/music/sports reviews hard-working few in the national stu more "industry related" than those of as in the more formal production of dent movement do their level best to C&G, since the vast majority of ICSM Felix; rather a light-hearted and change things for the better. The graduates are actually going to use humorous look at life on the various motion to Council, if BreakPoint had their qualification for their job, rather medical campuses, various amusing, bothered to check out his or her than taking the highly original choice random articles (Do you, Ben Jones, facts, included a clause which of management consultancy. Also, I own a llama ??) and the jolly capers deplored "the careerism rife within don't remember junior doctors hav of some of those in the med schools the NUS"; precisely the problem to ing a huge choice in starting salary! (activities of which often do involve which he or she refers. The fact that the courses in RSM are rude words) !! Whilst Prince Albert Incidentally, one might ask why actually designed with industry help does go over the top sometimes, supporting a demonstration is is obviously not an example of hav who cares ?? If you are so sensitive regarded as "playing in the murky ing a lucrative "industry orientated" as to be insulted by the material in world of politics" but opposing one, degree, since ARSM is the acknowl Prince Albert, perhaps you should criticising various MPs and govern edged benchmark for excellence leave your copy unopened and give ment proposals for the Lords isn't? I around the world in the mining and it to someone who will appreciate it don't think this is a coherent position; petroleum industries. I would also for what it is (i.e. most of the popula it smacks of double standards, but like to ask; who is the more rounded tion of the Med Schools !!). then apathy in the face of cut-backs graduate? Someone from RSM or and other denigrations has always ICSM who graduates having learnt James (my real name)

The deadline for letters intended for publication is Wednesday 12 noon - drop into the porta Cor. cabins or email [email protected]. Letters may be edited for length but not grammar or spelling. 22 November 1999 Felix Feedback 13

Dear Felix, articles do so because they have at least some interest in reporting, so it I have just read your Issue 1 1 57 makes sense to encourage journal and agree whole heartedly with istic integrity by confirming facts "Ben Jones (not my real name)"'s and writing unbiased pieces. feedback letter. Felix is read by a lot The silliest thing I have read in of the Medics not based at the Felix is the editor attempting to South Ken. Campus, as it gives us defend anonymity of 'Mish Mash'. Having received all a link with what is going on at He has passed responsibility of this response for my South Ken. Felix is entertaining, column on to its writer, who has als, which sic informative and readable. However, shirked responsibility by not giving and careers i concerning the comments made his/her own name. You are al! pass Consultancy about Prince Albert, I was shocked. ing the buck without any of you whitewash ( Prince Albert, and the previous having the guts to stand by your basting fror magazines for the Medics, are not opinions. You do not represent meant to insult, offend or disgust Imperial College, you represent a my Sports E any reader. They are witty, silly and, bunch of amateur hacks who write alright, sometimes puerile but badly. As I everyone loves them! They are a tradition of the Medical Schools Yours sincerely, and are a light relief from everyday Bill McClatchie work and toil. The people that write 2nd Medicine for the magazines are many and unprejudiced. I am sure that the Physics department have funny AND FINALLY... have scrap ^bove all, how- jokes about the Mech Eng. depart weaker side : lack of cash ment and vice versa. The medics Dear Editor, have funny digs at non-medics just as the non-medics have funny digs Reading your letters page, two at them, they are not meant person or three things jumped out at me, ally nor to offend and most medics and urged me to put finger to key dant on ge are good friends with the other non board: with Turke' and Portugal. consistently class pertorm- medical students at IC. Firstly, Tasha's discussion viz a ~\c sack. Gctcs viz Waterstone's; perhaps I can t county games Your Faithfully inform the debate a little by reveal iheard of) and Kat ing that College awarded the book store contract to the company (and

3rd Year Medic not to ICU, who had reliably been starters, Ke running the bookstore for years) importance Dear Sir, because they promised that "The IC

There has recently been an Waterstone's will be our Flagship Academic Store". Yeah, and the increasing number of letters to Felix editions Titanic was unsinkable. regarding the treatment of Medics for the by Felix itself. This must surely be Secondly, I am sure you have ent that welcomed, as any debate regarding heard of couples using College the publication is beneficial to its facilities for uses other than those Snooker, Darts, Tiddf development. I have but a few intended, as RSMII suggested? I r established player Bowls can we lay ar points I wish to make: refer of course to John Foster and e world (and Every newspaper asserts its own Annette de Lima, using our prized Jowly evapo- individuality and style, this appeals academic centres as conference to certain segments in society and facilities above all. I was so hon allows a niche to develop. Howev oured to receive my fees invoice pable, despite an ob\ er, Felix is supposed to be the news from IC last year in an envelope pace or long-term crs 3S our right. paper of all of Imperial College, franked "CHOOSE IMPERIAL COL The same problem pervades Sure, we have some of the best therefore it has the responsibility of LEGE FOR YOUR CONFERENCE". much of the rest of British sport - club sides in the world in a variety representing the views of all stu I also support Tasha Newton this week sees England's first test of sports, but that has for more to dents in all departments. As such, 110% in her bid to establish an against South Africa kick-off, with do with the impact of that nice Mr when inflammatory articles are alternative to the NUS. It's about the team management once Murdoch than it does with the repeatedly printed about Medics time an Imperial Sabbatical got on again promising a fresh start. Yet quality of our players and coach- (part of IC, whether anyone likes it with this - lazy slackers each and who do we find in the squad? es. All that remains is for the or not) it is irresponsible of the Felix every one of her predecessors. Stewart, Atherton, Butcher, Cad- British saortina Dress to catch on. staff to provide unbalanced opin ions, and state 'facts' that are regu With kind regards, larly dubious in their nature. I pre Andy Heeps sume that the students write these ICSM III whilst some do deserve their cally) an place (Atherton in particular), tie more All complaints should be addressed to the Editor. If no satisfactory some definitely do not (most reply is received, contact ICU Exec via the Union President notably the 38 year old Stewart). Dave \* Vine:; QUIZ NIGHT w IVIAY TUESDAY %PM my m CASH (COURTESY OF STA TRAVEL)

OA A CRATE OF LAGER. FREE TO ENTER THE ORIGINAL AND BEST

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3:3':(0BSm^ 22 November 1999 Felix Reviews

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Abomination l-War react © Monster Trucks

Ed TV screen Carrie 2 Competition Music Felix 22 November 1999 frequency x/\

Okay, so it's time for me The Longpigs Various again. As this short piece seems to be slowly moving Mobile Home Major Force West 93-97 from an introduction to Fre quency to a full-on column (Epic) (Mo Wax) I'd like to take the opportuni ty to continue this progres After three years, The Longpigs have finally returned, but the few fans that This isn't your standard 'grab a bunch of sion. I moaned last week they once had are now running even thinner. So The Longpigs face the obscure records, and dump them on a about people complaining impossible task of trying to sell a great album, with very few head-turning CD' kind of compilation. While many of about the music and club singles, to the masses, without the support of a fan base that similarly- the tracks are doubtless almost impossible sections, and as I found put sized bands (the Bluetones, Dodgy and the like) rely upon to boost their to obtain through normal channels in the ting my opinion across was so sales and get themselves noticed again. Because of this, Mobile Home, UK, they are all here on merit, rather than much fun, I'd like to do the an album rated as 8/10 by both NME and The Melody Maker has not obscurity. Its difficult to categorise most of same again... even made a dent on the top ten-album chart in its first week of release. the music on this album. Perhaps it's just enough to say that it's good. At a push I ... frequency... The Sun Is Often Out, The Longpigs debut album, gave us such near would say that most of the tracks could be classics as She Said, Lost Myself and the souring On and On, but since described at heavily rewired, beat-led it's weekly then, while touring in the US and battling that second album wall, all con aural experimentation. Which doesn't real tact with them has evaporated. No public attacks on other bands or the ly mean anything. It's all got a jazzy feel - Alright then - the Millennium, government, no outrageous rock and roll incidents, no charity gigs or pushing back boundaries with fearsome and as the KLF famously said even a CD: the lack of a UK appearance has erased the name of the building beasts and moogish weirdness. - 'What the Fuck is Goin' Longpigs from the public's memory. Even when lead singer Crispin Hunt That there is a track with the moniker "Here On?' Well I'm still undecided was bottled recently in a gig by his former drummer, they received less comes the Funky Monkey" should be myself, but when I looked at space in the NME than the important news that the Dawn of the Repli enough for any Thomas's out there. the date the other day I felt cants were releasing another ER Just writing good music sadly isn't my first worry that I was leav enough anymore. This isn't mainstream music. If doesn't real ing the decision too late. So ly have lyrics per se, apart from a few what are the options? First of With a singer as distinctive as Crispin Hunt, it's very hard for an album by scratched out samples and yelps. The all I suppose I could spend the Longpigs not to sound 'longpigsy'; Mobile Homes certainly does. You tunes don't really work as background the time in a nightclub. Well can really tell from the album that their time away has been hard; the music - if you have it on, you listen. There that's going to be expensive. music is very moody. Not a No Surprises moody, that makes you want to is a chilled vibe about this collection, none It's also going to be a night slam your head in the oven and dream of glue sticks, he's got too much of the artists featured are in any hurry to mare organising my mates to of a point to prove, he's pissed off. Each song has been soaked in the build to a crescendo of noise. Most favour buy some tickets. Another gut-wrenching passion Hunt displays in the debut album, with lyrics to the approach which sneaks up on you in its option is just hanging around match. The Frank Sonata, the first from the album and the most likely fol complexity rather than shocking you out the London, but if you've ever low up single to Blue Skies is far and away the best song from the album right with chaos and confusion. hit Trafalgar Square before and sees the only true return to a guitar-pop tune. They still have the slow you'll know that this is a love songs in Baby Blue, their screeching rage in Blue Skies; it is indeed The most enjoyable thing about listening to nightmare of an idea. So a well-rounded album. However, like many before the wait has been too this compilation is the way the music takes what's left? At the moment long and any hope of a successful return has long been buried. you on a journey. When those instrumen- I'm trying to decide between tals have you in their grip, your mind wan finding a messy house party So here's to The Longpigs, may they rest in peace. In their memory, here's ders pleasantly, I often found myself visual and working and then spend some classic lyrics from the new album: 'love like you've never been burnt, ising things to accompany the music, ing the money earned on a kiss like your tongue is on fire, suck like you don't need the money, sin which is often like a film score in its style. trip to Amsterdam. However if like there's nobody judging, cos honey if you tried, I'd come running to Let yourself ease in, and go on a journey to anyone has any better ideas, you child, like lassies final mile.' Quality. the West. I'd love to hear them. Thanks then, and goodbye. Dave ID Joel 22 November 1999 Felix Music

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Various The Artist... Various Brokedown Palace Rave Un2 The Joy Fantastic Bossa Tres... Jazz (Mercury) (Arista) (Warner)

A soundtrack album from a When an album by an ageing artist is full of guest appearances This CD is the result of a Japanese- Hollywood blockbuster can be including Chuck D, Sheryl Crow, Ani DiFranco and Gwen Stefani (of French collaboration producing a fusion an exercise in mediocrity. How No Doubt), it's almost certainly down to a lack of original material of Jazz, Latino and Dance. It is over 1 1 0 ever this effort, from a film star and a need to add 'designer names' to a poor product to increase minutes of, apparently, "pure, deep, jazzy ring Kate Beckinsale and Claire sales (please refer to Tom Jones). He's appeared in both the Ameri grooves". It is claimed that this project "is Danes, strives to go a bit fur can Billboard pop and R&B chart every year since 1978 and no an ode to ecstatic diversity, richness and ther. The film is about two girls doubt this impressive record will continue with the singles to be taken open-minded values, a soothing and who, whilst on holiday in Thai from this album. serene pathway into the new millennium". land, get falsely accused of This is a mighty big claim to live up to. drug smuggling - a crime that The Press Release states that The Artist 'breaks new ground every can deserve the death penalty time he releases music. Not only as a visionary trailblazer with his One would expect that with the mish in Bangkok. As such the album constant exploration, but as an innovative trailblazer', but if you'd mash of national cultures and musical is filled with a lot of female fallen into a coma for fifteen years and woken up to hear his new styles involved, an exciting, interesting vocalists getting emotional album, you could be forgiven for thinking that you'd just been in a and original sound would result. FAT over rolling, 'ethnic1 beats. prolonged sleep. This is a long way from the coolness and sophisti CHANCE. It so lacks originality that it These songs mostly annoy with cation of Get Off and Cream. Instead Prince has managed to recre could have been produced by any of the their sameness and lack of any ate the type of sound that he needed the New Power Generation for. weaker members of the early nineties new ideas. A few tracks do acid jazz scene. The majority of the tracks stand out though: Sarah Bright- Rave Un2 The Joy Fantastic is classic Prince. He composed, are just so lifeless and boring: they just man adds a gospel twist whilst arranged and produced the album and in anticipation of its release don't go anywhere. Now this might be PJ Harvey gives us a more George Michael wrote the song Too Funky as a summation of its bearable if the tracks were short but these quirky sound. sound. The Artist combines rock guitaring with nu-funk giving the lis "jazz entrepreneurs" have deemed it nec tener more twangs than a corduroy concert and Phil's seventies djing essary for the listening public to endure at Thankfully, the male contingent put together. least six minutes of repetitive jam before a make up for the rather ordinary break. To make matters worse, the beats tunes supplied by the girls. Two From the first song (that takes the same title as the album) Rave Un2 are uninteresting in the extreme. excellent, more upbeat tracks the Joy Fantastic The Artist hits you with a wall of sound, his voice as by Audioweb and Asian Dub powerful and distinctive as ever. His collaborations are often barely Now this is not to say that this CD is total Foundation make the album noticeable, relying on his famous cast as backing singers and musi ly terrible but if you want something that more bearable. Tricky does his cians. An exception to this is his cover of Every Day Is A Winding is interesting and listenable then the mumbling stuff with DJ Muggs Road with Sheryl Crow which is nothing short of brilliant. Most mod majority of the tunes just don't cut it. The but still fails to disappoint. Had ern day covers are merely the same song with a different voice (see exceptions to this are Cilberto and Can- a member of the opposite sex Placebo's 20th Century Boy). The Artist puts a completely different domble, which blends a great eastern written this it would have per interpretation on the song though, I didn't even realise it was a cover guitar riff with experimental dithering key formed better. until he hit the chorus. board.

Not staple listening by any If you're a Prince fan then this album won't disappoint. For those of In conclusion, this project provides an means but it contains enough you expecting something new though, you'll find a return to the roots endless stream of musical meanderings tasty morsels to make me come never did anyone harm and it has worked in giving The Artist a much that are pleasant enough to the ear but back for seconds. needed resurgence of life. after a few tracks tends to bore.

Thorn Dave Dan B 18 Music 22 November 1999 Felix frequency \/^

Will Smith Suede Les Rythmes Digitales Will 2K Can't Get Enough Jacques your Body (make me SweaT) (Columbia) (Nude) (Wall of Sound) Plexiq Will Smith always manages to cre Colour My Day Apparently Brett 'can't 'Viva le 80s' screams someone who ate an anthem for a moment (Whoknows) get it up' or is that just didn't actually have the (unfortunate) (against the iron wills of even the a witty, mis-heard lyric? experience of actually having the greatest of opponents). Summer A rather refreshing This is a Suede song bleach drenched denim and truly time has rung from radios every indie/dance cross-over like any other 'clang, bizarre hair, but I love it all the same. where since '93 and now he's trying from some friends on clang, oooh, oooh Jacques Le Cont is usually on top to seize the millennium too. Will2K the continent. Sci-Fi clang'. It's no Animal form in the 80s/dance fusion stakes samples 1999 and Rock the Casbah instrumentals loop in

Nitrate or Stay Togeth but the fact that 'Jacques your body1 among others but still doesn't quite the background whilst er but still it's better can be heard blaring from a Sunny cut it for me. The term we find out is trance beats and dis than most of today's Delight advert may just tell you more Willenium. What? Up, disappear, torted vocals compli so-called 'music' (did I than I ever could. arse, own. I think so. ment the overall feel say Eiffel 65?). An and make for a great average indie tune atmosphere and one from a now (unfortu top song. nately) average indie band. ID

Knee High Countermine Introducing Elvis Open Your Eyes (Mercury) (Columbia)

This song is poor, not Skip Raiders D'ception Open Your Eyes is a appaling but poor. The Another Day On The Dancefloord reasonable, New- lyrics are cheesy, 'you (Perfecto) (48K Records) Order-style-rock-instru put the same old ments-meets-keyboard - records on, and you Repeat after me, 'There is no such This is released on 48k records, an kind-of-pop. Counter sing along, yeah you thing as trance, it is all media con offshoot of Paul Oakenfold's Perfecto mine have a reason sing along'. The guitar cocted spin to sell magazines and label. It is easy to see why this hasn't able stab at this with a work is only just up to CDs. I will spend my money going been released on Perfecto as it's only good musical style, but my own low standard. clubbing and getting drunk instead.' one step away from 2-Unlimited and the result is far from The bass and drums If you say this 5 times a day your life Venga Boys style cheese. It has all interesting. This theme are just so-so but this will be better. Oakenfold has played the ingredients of a shit dance of dullness but wholly mediocrity outshines this stuff for years long before it was record: cheesy lyrics, a rap and slick competent musician the rest of the band. ever called trance and as this is production. Luckily it's not at all ship continues through Still its better than the rest of the ER It's released on his Perfecto label it catchy so you won't have it playing in .Singles reviews by damn Puff Daddy so it okay, but not really my should be up to scratch. Another your head over and over, but by the Louise & Alex... has to get one. kind of thing. Day does not disappoint, and that's same token you won't be able to sing why this is my single of the week. along while drunk in La Scandale. 22 November 1999 Felix Music frequency

Talking All That Jazz! Death in Vegas Bemsha @ Notting Hill Arts Club @ Shepherds Bush Empire

All the jazz fans will understand when I say that we're quite a rare bread. That's why I'm Death in Vegas. Three words, or two really as 'in' does always trying to get others involved and interested. You wouldn't believe how many peo n't count. Okay then 'Death' and 'Vegas'; two very dif ple can tell you they hate jazz without having listened to any real jazzman. I'm going ferent words that both conjure up very different things to tell you about a club in Notting Hill which will interest anyone. Go there, and then in my mind. 'Death' makes me think of people dying you'll be able to have your own opinion on jazz. and how bad it must be, and then for some reason I think about suicide and how stupid it is. Vegas on the The Notting Hill Arts Club isn't only a jazz club; in fact, it's only home to jazz musicians other hand allows me to think on a much more fun on Tuesday nights, but maybe that's why you should try and give it a go. The atmos level. I think of gambling, drink, sex, drugs and all the phere is exactly what you would expect: noisy, lots of drinking, everybody having fun hedonism that goes with the city that is Las Vegas. chatting up the women whilst listening to some really groovy improvised music; the entry price is ridiculous ( £5 after 8pm, free before ), although the drinks inside aren't This is what I was thinking about just before Death in cheap; but most importantly, the music is great. This club is known as Nathan Haines' Vegas played at Shepherd's Bush Empire last week. kingdom, because it's this very talented (and very young!) saxophonist/singer and his Maybe strange, or maybe not. But as soon as the band band who pack the club every Tuesday night. Along with his usual band, he invites DJ's graced the stage with Dot Allison, their mesmerising and other musicians to bring you every kind of improvised music from Latin jazz to first guest of the night, ail this disappeared as I let the heavy funk through hip-hop, and it always works perfectly. music take over.

There is another reason why this club is irresistible. It was created to enable young If you've heard Death in Vegas's recent Contino Ses artists to bring their talent to the stage, and therefore its regular clients are would-be sions you'll know that their music is quite unique. Lying photographers, designers and... models. Yes, I knew this might just be the best argu in a trippy no-mans-land between the rock, dance and ment to check out the club. The details are below and if you've got a Tuesday night free electronica genres, they possess a style that is perfect soon make sure you get down. for sitting around and having a think to. On the other Notting Hill Arts Club hand it's also perfect music for sitting down, emptying 21 Notting Hill Gate Wl 1 your head of all your worries and just letting the music Tuesdays 8pm-lam wash through you as you listen to the many intricacies Free before 8pm, £5 after. of the tunes. Death in Vegas seem to employ more musicians than a small classical orchestra and this As well as tunes being spun on the decks, I'd also like to mention a couple of live gigs gives them a meaty stage presence that smaller bands coming up soon. These kind of gigs are more than worth the entrance fee. can oniy dream of. Further, the light and graphics show is a feast of a delicious multitude of flavours, 25th November which when summed with the music make one of the Scott Hamilton @ Shepperton Jazz Club best live packages of any of the UK bands of the late This American saxophonist has been around for a very long time, and is a regular at nineties. the Pizza Express Jazz club. It's the first time I've see him elsewhere in London. He always delivers superb ballads rather than upbeat music, but that's good from time to All in all, this was a tremendous night. Three of the time. This one depends on your mood. four guest singers on The Contino Sessions turned up to add to the delight of the packed audience, with 29th and 30th November Bobby Gillespe giving perhaps the most memorable Ian Shaw & Claire Martin @ Pizza Express Jazz Club performance with his wavy dancing and his fresh new They're performing a brand new show called If It's Magic, supposed to be a celebration schoolboy haircut. If you get the chance to go, a of the work of Stevie Wonder. This'll be more than great, whether you're a fan of Shaw Death in Vegas gig is hard to beat, and much better & Martin or not. The other great thing is that it's at Pizza Express so the food will be than a night with some of the more famous acts out pretty good too. there. Have a think about it. Effiene James Music Felix 22 November 1999 frequency y/^

'i . ' '

Bedrock Hippies Use Side Door @ The End Recommended @ Heaven all this scratching is making me itch! Clubbing

Do I always get this excited when Friday night saw me (Tom) and Dave heading to that prestigious Clubs, Trios, Taxi bars and those funny Munch- I go clubbing? Only when the venue, The End. Normally, the high price and long queues mallow things. We all know that a Club is the clubnight is as good as this one. would put us off, but not tonight, oh no, for we were on The best option, so if you can - get down. Not that I have many less than Guest List. Not that would apply to most of you reading this, but brilliant nights at clubs. Thinking it makes things that much sweeter to be ushered in like a VIP. Monday 22th November; £8 about it though, there is good Free Saptal Ram Benefit @ The Scala; £8 reason for this... Wall of Sound rarely fails to impress and tonight was no excep Loads of names of the bill here to try and raise tion. In The Bad Magic bar DJ Mighty Mi couldn't make it, so awareness of the 'Free Saptal Ram' issue. The clubs I usually go to are was replaced by Prime Cuts from the Scratch Perverts. This man There's DJs from Asian Dub Foundation, Primal ones that make an effort to does wonders with two turntables, and his mixing and scratch Scream and Massive Attack to name but a few, impress the clubbers, rather than ing were textbook. The choice of tracks was a little bit lacking and on top of this we'll get Irvine Welsh and those strange clubs that seem to however, and it left me thirsting for something a bit more. Howard Marks on the mic. This has got to be just want to be cool. And those more than good. clubs usually fail anyway. Know In the Main Room, DJ Touche from the Wiseguys delivered that Tuesday 23th November ing Bedrock well then, after hav bit more... and even more and more! Flawless mixing of choice Tuesdays @ Le Scandale; £5 ing been a number of times, I big beat whipped the crowd into a frenzy. He even dropped in Yes, it's Tuesday again and time to convert an knew before the night even start some of his own tracks. When Ooh La La came on as the unsuspecting club just off Oxford Street into an ed that it was going to be more penultimate track, faces all around lit up. I thought I'd hear that extension of the union. than brilliant. Every detail of the song to death, but hearing it echo around the basement cav Thursday 25th November night was perfect - the beer, the erns with a beat so thunderous even Thor would be jealous, I Highrise @ Home; £5 vodka, the venue, the tunes, the couldn't help losing it. If The End was a rocket, then DJ Touche Highrise is slowly becoming the night home is dancing... put it into space. The sound system at The End is great. It real known for. This may have something to do with ly knocks you off your feet without making your ears bleed too Friday and Saturday nights at the venue getting Dancing at Bedrock is perhaps much. a cheesy and expensive badge compared with one of the most easily accessible Highrise's bargain £5 entrance fee. dances for anyone. Rather than Unfortunately, the star of the show, Dimitri from Paris wasn't Friday 26th November having to try to dance all you there. I haven't got a clue who his replacement was, but he was Move @ The Ministry; £10 have to do is turn up and let the pretty poor, sticking to generic deep house with not much to The Ministry dishes up its usual Friday night music take over. Uplifting tunes keep you interested. If we want that, we'll go to the Ministry! selection of techno and hard house. To be are aplenty at this venue and experienced at least once. that's why this is perhaps the best Back in the Bad Magic bar, DJ Greenpeace was spinning the Saturday 27th November clubnight I've ever been to. greatest breaks around. This man knows his sou!, and there Freedom @ Bagleys; £12 Going back next month is there was a never a lack of inspiration from his voluminous record This week Freedom celebrates the launch of fore something I have to do and box. This was the perfect up-tempo but chilled end to the 'Human Traffic'. Four rooms cater for a wide although the experience has evening. Our rocket is now orbiting round Mars, and I think it's range of musical tastes. For DJs we have Ariel given me a block on my writing going to stay there. Until next Friday, of course. undertaking his regular eight hour journey along style, this will never stop me with a host of others. The cast of the film will be going. Super venue, super club; This night confirmed my opinion that The End is one of the best there as should you. Bedrock kicks arse. clubs in London. Getting Prime Cuts as a replacement just To have your club added to this list just invite us shows the sort of power they have. The place is open until 5am along, we'll check it out and if we like it we'll put Get you the message? You as well, making sure that you always get your money's worth, it down should do, so don't mess up! even for the £1 0 it normally costs to get in. Recommended! e-mail: [email protected] James Tom phone: 020 7594 8072 ask for James Felix 22 November 1999 Arts 21 method A,

Resident Alien Four Knights in Knaresborough Hymns

Bush Theatre - Shepherds Bush Tube Tricycle Theatre - Kilburn Tube Lyric Theatre - Hammersmith Tube £7.00 Cone. £9.50 Cone. £5-12 Cone.

This is, without doubt, one of the "Who will rid me off this turbulent Priest?" - said the King; meet Your four best friends - the lads together- most mind numbingly tedious pieces the men who did - they hacked the Arch Bishop to pieces on the then one of them hangs himself. of theatre I have ever had the mis altar of his cathedral. fortune to see. Tim Fountain's new Four characters, using dance, joke telling play unsuccessfully attempts to bring Thomas a Becket was the Priest, Henry II the King, the four and acting, portray the difficulties facing the together the writings of Quentin knights the murderers. The people loved Becket and so the four men dealing with this death and its Crisp in a disastrous monologue - Knights had to keep a low profile, very low. They lived short of effect on their relationships with each other. reminiscent of a nursing home food and heat in a castle in Knaresbough so the enraged Beck inmate with verbal diarrhoea. This et supporters did not lynch them. I guessed that this story had The performance style is set somewhere play murders Crisp's work and been given a more modern edge when the Knights called Beck between contemporary dance and more tra induces even the most sedate theatre et a "complete and utter fuck wit" and described his murder as ditional acting. This perhaps means that to goer to contemplate homicide. "the worst career move in history" truly appreciate the show you need a certain knowledge and appreciation of the use of The theatre itself, to say the least, is The play explores the effect of such a terrible deed and subse motion and dance in theatre. less than ergonomic - with it's quent isolation. The knights cherish "Loyalty above all, loyalty" cramped uncomfortable seating you to the King and to each other - but can it stop them from The production is brave and Frantic Assem soon find the back of your head nes destroying each whilst under the strain of being locked in the bly (the production company) has had a tled nicely in the crotch of the person castle? string of successes and a West End tour behind you. since it formed in 1994 using this blend of We see the degeneration of the knights together and alone for the two arts. The overall effect in hymns pro Bette Bourne plays the 91 year old such a time. They get drunk all the time on bad wine and are duces some very entertaining scenes when Crisp and appears himself to be a subject to great bouts of sexual frustration - one of them loves motion and speech are used effectively. budding case for the pro euthanasia the house maid, who is in love with one of the other knights, campaign. This man shouldn't be let who, in turn, has turned into a mad drunken recluse... Mean The acting, however, badly let down the out on the street without a psychi while, the other two knights used to love each other - very con main story, with the portrayal of the main atric nurse escort, let alone on the fusing! characters as "lads" falling flat. Two of the stage. The most exciting part of the actors were just far too camp to effectively play was when his wig nearly fell off: At one point they become so bored with such utter isolation - pull off ladism - mayby that's all you can riveting. and as their place within the local community had reached leg expect from such good dancers! endary status - that they open the castle to the public and pre The monotonous drool was punctu tend that they are praying all day, only eating bread before bed The characters individual mental struggles ated with occasional epigrams made time. dealing with the loss of one of their crew completely nonsensical by Bourne's lacked punch. Some of the physicality of the reliance on the Prompt - poor girl, I If there is a star in this strong cast it is Johnny Lee Miller, of dance went some way to touch the audience doubt she has ever worked so hard Trainspotting fame, bringing that extra kick that made the play but otherwise we were not emotionally in her life. If you are tempted to see really come to life. Richard Wilson shows what an accomplished involved. An entertaining show that in its 60 this play then retire to a darkened theatre man he is as director of this fast moving witty, sharp and minute performance produces funny scenes room and shoot yourself. Marks out daring play. A joy to watch; the Tricycle theatre has done it using both motion and space, but with no of five - don't make me laugh. again. real drama.

Ally pally ID Mo 22 Books Felix 22 November 1999

The Dating Game, Davina McCall Complete Prose, Woody Allen

Expect no great revelations. Davina McCall's book is light, entertain For fans of Woody Allen this is a must have. A collection of fifty-two ing and completely unoriginal. There is nothing here that a couple of pieces of writing which is full of Allen's wit and idiosyncratic worldview. good mates couldn't have told you. This is a book for the tube. Light enough to carry around with you all day, interesting enough that you Not so much a book for reading straight out as for dipping into from can ignore your fellow passengers, but not so enthralling that you'll time to time. Complete Prose contains some truly laugh out loud miss your stop. moments and all of the stories and plays encompass Allen's particular view of life, society and relationships. For example 'Selections from the However, McCall is nothing if not thorough. She divides dating into six Allen Notebooks' which are to be published 'posthumously or after his sections, beginning with 'the dilemma', passes through 'how to meet a death, which ever comes first':

mate', 'first date protocol1, 'sex' and 'coupledom' to end with 'splitting up'. Her knowledge is carefully divided into heart-shaped bullet points Getting through the night is becoming harder and harder. Last evening, (except in 'splitting up' where they're broken hearts) and the example I had the uneasy feeling that some men were trying to break into my stories are enclosed in boxes; presumably this is so you don't confuse room to shampoo me. But why? I kept imagining I saw shadowy forms, them with the rest of the text (heaven forbid). and at 3 A.M. the underwear I had draped over a chair resembled the Kaiser on roller skates. When I finally did fall asleep, I had that same To be fair to McCall she does state at the beginning of the book that hideous nightmare in which a woodchuck is trying to claim my prize at her advice is heeded at your own peril. This is a good point. While a raffle. Despair. much of the book states the blindingly obvious - 'You'll meet someone when you least expect if and places to go on a first date (restaurant, A classic Woody Allen blend of comedic surrealism and paranoia which cinema, concert) - other pieces of information are perhaps a little runs more or less through all of the pieces in the books. This does make more personal to McCall. I'm quite sure she is alone in using such for a truly Woody experience in each piece, but means that reading phrases as 'Tommy todger still in the toy shop'. many at a single sitting can reduce the effect and even start to grate on your nerves somewhat. It is impossible to read these stories without hear One of the earliest points is that when you meet someone you should ing Allen's voice and delivery in your head, and it would be a very dif be yourself, not someone you're not. Fair enough. Although it does ferent and perhaps diminished experience for someone unfamiliar with somehow make the rest of the book a little pointless. I mean if you're Allen's film work. a paranoid xenophobe perhaps rules on how long you should wait before phoning your beloved are not for you. On the plus side, this Woody takes aim at his standard targets of love, sex, marriage and book doesn't offer any euphemism drenched meaning of life, nor does fidelity, and also looks at western thought and philosophy as seen by a it present single life after thirty as a love desert. neurotic New York Jew. Rife with literary references, familiarity with Faust and the works of Franz Kafka is advisable, although by no means nec In short almost anyone could have written this book (assuming they'd essary. dated a few times and weren't a complete stranger to literacy). The simple fact is most of us just didn't. We have other things to do. Really a pleasure to read - and your parents will appreciate it too.

Katherine Russell

Felix Recommends

Remember that the two reviewed titles are available from the Waterstone's on campus at a discount of 20%. Take advantage of this offer Monday to Friday 9:00am to 7:00pm and Saturday 1 0:00am to 5:00pm. Go on. S,S - THE BUSINESS SOCIETY Imperial College, London

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CINEMA

What's on at ICU Cinema Video Releases Competition Time

This week our very own cinema is showing The The Prince of Egypt: Out to Rent or Buy 22/1 1/99 This week Screen has EdTv goodie bags to General's Daughter, Entrapment and Eyes give away containing all the usual stuff. To Wide Shut on Tuesday and Thursday. Based on the Biblical story of Moses, The Prince of Egypt get your hands on one of these bags e-mail is an animated caper by Steven Spielberg's Dreamworks [email protected] with the answer to this The General's Daughter starring John Travol Pictures in their latest attempt to dethrone Disney. By tar question: ta, Madeleine Stowe, and James Cromwell is geting adults as well as children the material is both seri about when warrant officer Paul Brenner (John ous and fun; and also offers great attention to detail. With Which film connects Dennis Hooper Travolta), a top investigator from the Army's a cast including Ralph Fiennes, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Jeff to Kevin Costner? Criminal Investigation Division, is assigned to Goldblum, it just can't be missed. The animation is bril look into the murder of Captain Elisabeth liant, particularly the unleashing of the ten plagues. The Screen also has a Fight Club goodie bag to Campbell. Armed with the power to arrest any only weakness is the soundtrack. The songs just don't click give away. To get your hands on that, e-mail military person - whatever the rank -anywhere in the same way as Disney's. This video release loses Screen at the above e-mail address with the in the world, Brenner is determined to solve some if it's cinematic awe but is still worthwhile viewing. answer to this: the crime, no matter where his pursuit leads, (4/5) even if the clues point to his hero, General Dave What is the name of Brad Pitt's "Fighting Joe" Campbell (James Campbell). character in Fight Club? Campbell's daughter was the pride of Fort Life is Beautiful (La Vita E Bella): Out to Rent 22/11/99 MacCallum, a poster girl for the military - Screen has tickets to a special preview of beautiful, smart, a superior officer. When she This is the story of an Italian Jewish family in the years American Beauty on 1 December. It stars is found bound and dead in the middle of a leading up to and including the Second World War. The Kevin Spacey, who goes through a mid-life training field, the authorities fear the worst film is split into two juxtaposed halves. The beginning is a crisis and Annette Bening as his wife who and team Brenner with another CID veteran, light slapstick, which covers the happy times when waiter decides to get revenge. To win these tickets, Sara Sunhill (Madeline Stowe). Guido (Roberto Benigni, who also directs) courts school e-mail Screen with the answer to teacher Dora (Nicoletta Braschi). In comparison the sec Entrapment is about 'Mac' MacDougal (Sean ond half is shocking as Guido, Dora and their young son When is American Beauty Connery), who has an untarnished reputation Joshua (Giorgio Cantarini) are taken to prison camps. released in the UK? as the world's greatest art thief. So when a Guido now uses his tomfoolery to protect his son. It is this priceless Rembrandt is stolen in New York, the that gives it a different perspective to previous holocaust To make life easier please put the name of evidence points to Mac. Insurance investiga films. (4/5) the film corresponding to the competition you tor Virginia (Gin) Baker (Catherine Zeta- Katherine are entering in the subject of your e-mail. Jones) persuades her boss, whose company will lose $24 million on the theft, to let her go She's All That: Out to Rent 22/1 1/99 The winners of last weeks competition are: after the master criminal. Gin gets more than she bargained for when she meets Mac. This is yet another teen movie churned out from Holly A Shah wood's production line. What does it offer beyond what's E Renshaw Eyes Wide Shut is the last work by Stanley come before? Very little I'm afraid. The most popular guy H Van Tilborg Krubrick and stars Tom Cruise and Nicole Kid on campus, Zack Siler (Freddie Prinze Jr.), bets a mate the H Maguire man. If you haven't heard the hype about this he can turn the school geek, Laney Bogs (Rachel Leigh B Ooi film already then what planet are you on! The Cook), complete with her big boffin glasses, into the Prom stars play man and wife and the film is about Queen. The rest is obvious. Bogs loses the glasses, is sud Please call by the Felix office for your tickets. their marriage. Definately worth watching. denly beautiful and Siler falls in love. The problem is you just can't help but get involved although most of the jokes Thanks to everyone who corrected my mis The cinema will be having their Christmas fall flat. In the end, it is just an average teen flick with a take last week. Lonestarr does indeed have party during the last week of term. Watch this hip soundtrack and a happy ending. (3/5) two R's. The answer to last weeks question, space for more info! Dave for those that didn't know it, is Spaceballs. 22 November 1999 Felix Films 25

How much do you value your privacy? Do you have any skeletons in your clos One simple word applies to this film, which can be repeated an arbitrary num et that you don't want people to find out? How would you feel if your life was ber of times at your leisure: "Why?" Upon hearing of Carrie 2 - The Rage, this televised to over a 1 00 million people 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Well, is probably the same question that fans of Carrie, the 1 976 Brian De Palma Ron Howard thrusts these questions upon Ed Pekurny in his new movie, EDfv. classic, may also be asking. Twenty years after the first film, we are re-intro duced to high school life in the US. The first film made a huge contribution to Last year we got The Truman Show dealing with the crisis of a man who does starting audiences' obsession with adolescent issues and was seen by many to not know that his life is being televised to the rest of the world. The story deals be incredibly effective, with both its emotional themes and its offbeat, slightly with a cable company who, in a desperate attempt to improve their ratings, disturbing visuals. employ a 31 year-old video store clerk, Ed Pekurny (Matthew McConaughey). They want Ed to allow his life and his interactions with the rest of his family and The sequel, like the original, has a lead heroine armed with the power of friends to be televised 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for a certain length of telekinesis. In spite of her suspicious similarity to the original Carrie (who was time. He agrees under pressure from his brother Ray (Woody Harrelson) and wondrously acted by Oscar-nominated Sissy Spacek), there are a few differ then, unknowingly proceeds to wreak havoc on his family and friends by ences. Her name isn't Carrie, it's Rachel, and she isn't a naive, vulnerable attracting unwanted attention to them. pubescent unaware of her secret talents. Rachel (Emily Bergl) is an angry Goth, and she knows all too well of her ability to fling objects using the power of her The big difference between The Truman Show and EDfv is that in The Truman mind. Show, the main character was being filmed without his consent, while in EDtv the character is being filmed out of his own choice. Now would anyone real The overall premise is almost identical to Carrie. Rachel is an outsider, differ ly want to do that? To awaken in the morning to two cameras directed toward ent to most other school kids. Again, there is a maniacal, god-fearing mother, your face or to go to bathroom with a cameraman waiting outside to catch helping to explain to us why Rachel got into that world-hating state in the first you as soon as you walk out the door. Apparently some people are willing to place. However, where Carrie's mother was a disturbing, ever-present force do this! Provided that you can believe this point, then the movie is a generally throughout the original film, adding to its imposing mood, Rachel's mother enjoyable one where you don't have to think too much. It's very obvious that (played convincingly by J Smith Cameron) is safely locked away in Arkham Ron Howard is trying to make a point about the rapidly deteriorating Ameri Asylum. There is very little point to her character, other than to force a link can media culture (to go along with our British one), but perhaps he should between the two films. It turns out that Carrie and Rachel are half-sisters, relat first look closer at people who are willing to make a mockery of their lives and ed by their womanizing father. The plot flows almost identically to the former those of their friends and family in a desperate attempt to attract attention to film, with similar set pieces. Eventually, towards the end of the film, we are themselves. As one character says, "People used to be considered famous for awarded with a fantastic special effects laden finale. Combined with over the being special. Now they're just considered special for being famous." top gore, it becomes nearly impossible to care about the characters anymore. You'll have more fun sitting back and laughing at the death scenes.

The acting is fine by everyone in the cast. The acting by Woody Harrelson as the brother, Ray and Martin Landau as the stepfather, Al really stands out. Lan The Rage is disappointing but there are some pleasing performances through dau is absolutely hilarious in each scene he's in and Woody Harrelson contin out the cast, especially from Emily Bergl in her big screen debut. Oddly, clips ues to provide fine supporting comic turns. And Rob Reiner, director of films from the first movie are unnecessarily spliced into some of the scenes and Car such as A Few Good Men and This Is Spinal Tap, plays the head Studio Exec rie fans will even recognise familiar sounds edited into the soundtrack. You utive. can't blame anyone for comparing the two films. Unfortunately, whatever tech nique is employed, nothing will distract you from coming to the conclusion that When this movie was released in America it was unfairly compared with The The Rage is anything more than an updated remake. What is unacceptable is Truman Show and consequently suffered at the box office. While they have the that, in the end, the story is redundant. You're probably better off renting Car same basic idea, The Truman Show was more original and, to me, superior to rie on video. It is also difficult to recommend the film. The difficulty and disap EDtv, which seems like an extended sitcom. However, they are still different pointment lies in the fact that despite all the pointlessness, there is a lot of obvi movies that should be judged separately - and the movie provides an enjoy ous talent in this movie, and whether you like it or not, the ranks of hot, young able night out. Just as long as you're not being followed by cameramen.... acting ability will continue to grow.

(mran Sunil 26 Games Felix 22 November 1999

In association with read© gameswire. com A WHOLE NEW WORLD

Abomination (PC) Independence War - Defiance (PC)

Take Xcom, spice up the graphics, damp down the management and Independence War - Defiance is unlike most space combat simulators in make it fully real-time and what have you got? Its Abomination. that it doesn't put you in the cockpit of a dinky fighter. Instead you're in charge of a 160m long 'Dreadnought' class corvette. The Special Edition A mysterious plague has incapacitated the entirety of the present-day comprises the original l-War, released two years ago, where you serve in USA - millions are dead (it would never happen in a film - unless it was the Commonwealth Navy suppressing Indie insurrection along with the Europe). Responsibility seems to fall (at least in part) on a major cult new 1 8 mission Defiance Campaign where the table has been turned and known as 'The Faithful'. Its mutated followers are doing their best to your fight for freedom as an Indie Captain. either recruit (no semblance to real life there then) or kill the saner sur vivors of the chaos. Enter the player with his secret team of bioengi- Kicking off a strong plot is a cracking 14 minute intro movie. Earth relies neered Nemesis operatives, and its time to go practice some anti-reli on its colonies to feed its population but the colonists aren't happy with the gious butt-kicking. deal! The colonists seek justice in an independence war. In game cut scenes build this story further. Missions range from wasting all cult missionaries within a particular sector to protecting your own premises. As the game progresses and Independence War's outstanding feature is its Newtonian based flight your knowledge grows new objectives will become apparent. A maxi model. Flying the Dreadnought is a very different experience to the F-l 5's mum of 4 soldiers can be taken on any mission, putting an emphasis of other games. When the engine's turned off you just keep moving. This on strategic and stealthy combat if you wish to pullout with your squad allows for a variety of manoeuvres unseen elsewhere, such as sideways still in tact. Being outnumbered is great since it makes it all the more movement and the ability to flip over 1 80 degrees and hammer the enemy satisfying when you gruesomely take-out 6 cronies with a sneakily on your tail whilst travelling in the original direction. This system is truer placed grenade, and then retreat before the enemies lock onto your to life than most games making it interesting and fun to play. If this sys agent. Although real-time, the action can thankfully be paused to tem isn't your cup of tea, an alternative arcade mode is provided. allow you to change orders at critical moments - without this option the game would be nigh on impossible. When the game was originally released a friend of mine mistakenly believed that l-War used his 3Dfx card because of its speed and amazing Viewed from an isometric perspective one may complain about the lack graphics, not realising that it was unsupported. Only now are the graph of game area you can see on the screen at any one time. However, the ics starting to show their age against the likes of Homewor/d and X-Beyond decent graphics pull some attention away from this grievance, as does the Frontier and even they aren't that much ahead. Glide support has now the extensive environment interactivity with large numbers of cars and been added, so ships look better than ever if you own a 3Dfx card. How weird organic growths available for your wanton destruction. Based on ever as most people's graphics cards only support Direct3D they won't be a sprites/pre-rendered background graphics engine even I could be able to see this. The software engine is excellent (though limited to assured of smooth scrolling and animation on my lowly PI 66 with 2MB 640x480). In the Defiance campaign there are also some new addition VRAM. Turn on the gore and watch those body parts fly! (ahem...) al features such as a mid-point mission save, zoom function, collision alarm and a weapon load out screen adding to the experience; unfortu Besides trigger experience, some shifting of resources, team manage nately, these haven't been added to the original campaign. ment, and mission selection are all vital to your cause. Unfortunately however, the depth of such options is shallow compared to the Xcom Despite a lack of multi-player missions the branching mission structure, series where the player controlled spending and research goals are as involving plot line and unusual flight model create a unique space-sim important as manufacturing criteria. experience. If you have the original l-War £20 is a lot to pay for the Defi ance campaign as the 3DFX upgrade is freely downloadable along with a Abomination may not leave you revelling in its wake, but it is a good mission editor. If you didn't get l-War and are into space combat games, effort nonetheless and comes highly commended, particularly for Independence War sets itself apart from other titles and is well worth look gamers without monster PCs. ing at. I keep going back to it.

Viv Tim 27 22 November 1999 Felix readGame ©s

where you compete against 3 other computer mode. vehicles over 10 race tracks, always looking Unlike many graphically demanding driving to finish in first place in order to progress. games, here up to 4 players can bustle for supremacy at once which is just sooooo much Americans certainly love power over finesse - more fun than the normal 2. Include the com just look at their Nascar racing compared to puter if you want and race on a track, or else our beautiful Fl. In compliance with this, try out some of the sub-games such as tag, then, you'll find that the handling of the mon summit rumble and soccer (push giant foot ster truck (although realistically modelled) isn't balls into goals - not as easy as it sounds!). If as easy or sensitive as you might have hoped you're looking for something that doesn't take for, but with practice the anticipation required itself too seriously yet still provides endless will become second nature and you'll be able hours of driving mayhem, this is it. to pull off cracking manoeuvres. Besides driv ing competency you'll also have to engage in Viv some aggressive tactics and the familiar Monster Truck Madness (N64) action of shunting your rival drivers off the track will become routine business. Get

Those big-wheeled brutes are back. Famous knocked about a bit too much or attempt to for crushing numerous cars on tacky late Sat climb too steep an incline and you'll find your urday afternoon TV, they've finally made their self rolling over. Various power-ups litter the way to the N64. tracks that can perform benign acts such as oil-slick deposition to the sexier missile arma

Monster Trucks, the WWF/WCW of the driving ment or even the transformation of your vehi world, sure have the potential to entertain and cle into a flying machine. their incarnation into Monster Truck Madness 64 from Take 2 does not disappoint. Take to Graphics and sound have been well catered the mud tracks in one of many different trucks, for although it would have been nice to see each sporting original and classy names such the trucks get bust up over time considering all as 'The Hitman'... Well at least you can't fault the punishment they take. In exhibition mode the programmers in their attempts to recreate you can also change the weather and lighting the whole ethos of monster truck racing. As conditions. However, where Monster Truck per usual there is a single player 'circuit' mode Madness really sparkles is in multi-player

compete in the continuously advancing (at least player mode you'll need to beat certain levels to from a technological point of view) gaming world. unlock others ensuring there is always reason to This version of Pong however completely blasted come back for more until every world and every away any such doubt. The game is fantastic - its gaming arena have been uncovered. All in all, amazing how many ways the programmers have Pong is a brilliant remake of its forefather, a win wangled different games out of one simple con ning formula which has been given a makeover cept. with enough frilly extras to guarantee that it still works in this modernised world. Take one snow scene and add to it penguins who, when hit, give you more balls to cope with. Win BHD v,v this comparatively easy level (by scoring 10 first) and you'll have to deal with intruding polar bears and shifts in wind direction. Then take football, give each player 2 paddles (one goalie and one striker) and try to score 10 goals. Beat this and Pong (PSX) you'll get molehills, tie and the game will be set tled on a penalty shoot-out. The key to the success

Am I right in saying the original Pong was the first of this game is the realistic physics of the ball. It game to use a graphical interface? Maybe. Any moves and responds in utter perfection, and this way, that game (2 paddles, 2 goals, and one factor coupled with some of the best graphics I bouncing ball) still forms the basis of this latest have seen for the Playstation mean that you can edition. not but gloat at the eye candy emanating from the screen. I usually approach remakes of classic games with trepidation as they rarely live up to reputation (eg Pong has much in the way of lasting appeal - Space Invaders and more recently Rampage games are short enough to play against the com World Tour), since the old concepts can no longer puter or a mate whenever, whatever. In single Seven Days 29 28 Seven Days Felix 15 November 1999 15 November 1999 Felix

RECIPE OF THE WEAK FELIX chicken in mustard and honey sauce, served V N DA Y with crisp new potatoes and rice Monday Tuesday I Wednesday I Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Next Week ( how to impress your parents when you go home )

takes to cook depends on the rice, STA Quiz Night Excess Cocktail Night Utopia Southside pub quiz Christmas Carnival Ok. It's very simple, and very nice. Three floors of Bond If you're out to impress that lovely but if you try some and it doesn't W'-n £50 cosh or a Classic party tunes 'The best Ibiza style The quiz for regulars themed entertain lady living on your fourth floor, this taste "hard" then you're there. for the post-match mix of dance, trance and newcomers alike ment heading your is the way to do it. You'll need to 3. While you're boiling stuff, 8pm, da Vinci's party. 9-1 am, dBs cocktails in town. & cheesy house & continues today. hog an entire cooker to do it, but finely chop the onion, leaving a 5-1 1 pm, da Vinci's garage.' With 7pm Southside bar way on the 1 7th it's well worth the effort (trust me, quarter of an onion left over. Standing Room emphasis on the I've not died of food-poisoning 4. Fry the onion with the wok Only Standing Room cheese, I suspect. on sale soon. yet). You'll need (in metric student on low heat, add the chicken, Chelsea vs Feyenord Only Bust-a-Gut amounts): switch to frying-capable heat and 7.30, da Vinci's Rob Rouse, Paul cook until the chicken is cooked Sinha and Alfie Joey and looks white. 8pm, dBs, £2.50/£2 per person: Enough rice to fill 1/2 a plate 5. Add the double cream to 200g of chicken (cut into the fried chicken. Add a table cubes - Sainsburys do some spoon of mustard and honey to nice stuff cut up for you, you the sauce per 200g of chicken. Fencing Club CAG Kung Fu Club Kung Fu Club lazy sod). Add more to taste, sprinkle in Qiieen's Lawn, 7pm (Wu Shu Kwan) -/dn) > o 10pm Projecti e Union Gym, 1 2pm 1 - 10pm, Pioicctile Soup run, 8.15pm some tarragon, and leave to sim Southside Gym Union Gym 6 (small) or 5 (medium) sized 'rlc'-i IS port; Ce'-re.- Hafl 'Sports Ccntrp) Week's Basement Trip to Hempstead new / Charlotte potatoes. mer. You're hoping for a lot of the Wine Tasting Observatory. 4:30pm - 6:30pm 4:30pm - 6:30om 1II onion (medium) moisture to burn off here, and you 6pm, dB's ICU Choir should be left with a sauce about Rehearsal, 6.1 5pm and also... the consistency of a good curry Canoe Club Room 342, Mech Some Dijon mustard (bottle) (not one you bought from the Practice session, 7pm Eng. Some honey (jar) Union). Double cream (small carton) 6. Fry some garlic and the rest CAG RAG Meeting Tarragon (a spice type thing) of the onion in a large frying pan, Soup run, 8.1 5pm 1.00pm Chives (fresh or freeze dried) in a little butter. Salt & pepper (of course) 7. When the potatoes are Steps @ Wembly The Cranberries The Chemical Garlic cloves (1 -2 depending cooked, drain and add them to Asian Dub Trash @ The Bullitt @ The Foo Foghters (W Jools Holland @ @ Wembly Arena Brothers @ Brix- on whether you fancy your the frying pan. Add some more Foundation @ Annex, £4 Dogstar, Free Brixton Academy Royal Albert Hall After a turbulent peri ton Academy chances or not) butter. You're trying to coat them Scala, £8 Boys With the likes of Por- ifybu : see The funky dwarf so they cook better and develop a plays some blues Tragedy Sold ou* od the irish band are Tickets are still avail Highly acclaimed as a - ' new tishead's Andy Smith ^fhte-ex . - -menV--? Music again filling large able for the Dficeml You'll also need to locate a wok crunchy exterior. with his talented live act, tonight they album. 'Sounds o1 this hip-hop night can ir : 8. Cook until the potato skin is orchestra. (which your parents bought you play their home town. Science . should be excellent. bad. Sold out. when you came here), a saucepan slightly brown / golden (depend for the rice (ditto) and another ing on the way you cook). Onegin The Rage: Carrie 2 The Cup The World is Not saucepan and large frying pan / 9. Remove the potatoes from Ed TV Random Hearts Brokedown Palace The World Is Not the frying pan and sprinkle with Ralph Fien-ies (una A very American and Footbc Enough wok to do the potatoes. This is Ed is chosen to Harrison Ford tries his Enough where cooking for a friend (poten salt (sea salt is best), pepper, and fanvlv; s\~r in :h:s very 90s sequel to the Gadgets and guns :;; - . .- tot of a hand at a more 007, the man who galore lined-up along tial or otherwise) might come in chopped chives. refuses to die pre adaption Pushkin's classic original. Oh . r nap-. romantic role with var side Pierce Brosnan. handy. 10. Drain the rice (rinse with views his new film. dear. Film . - - = - sues. ied success. affecting debut fea- Virgin Trocadero Oh, and there's Denise If you have no friends, you'll some boiling water if it looks a lit 'id. Virgin Chelsea Virgin Fulham Rd. . -- : 3.30, 6.20, 8.45 Richards. Mmmm. need to borrow (read: steal) some tle starchy). 2.00, 6.00, 8.50 4.10, 6.25, 8.40 6.30, 9.20 4.05, 6.25, 8.45 kit from your friendly hall kitchen, 1 1. If the cream sauce hasn't 5.15, 7.15, 9.15 or your flatmate who doesn't cook boiled off well enough, add some Children in Need lal The Adventures of anyway and lives out of more mustard and / or honey. You The Cops Evening Standard Terminator 2 Extremely Dan- microwave meal boxes. might also want to add some salt : :: 7.00pm, BBC1 Lottery Captain Pugwash 9.00pm, BBC2 Theatre Awards 10.20pm, BBC1 1 . Boil the potatoes (wash depending on how good your Terry Wogan and 7.10pm, BBC 1 10.15am, ITV The popular drama- Arnie battles with Nurse that hangover them first). They should take about mustard was, and some honey Sean Bean is the Gaby Roslin kick off Torgct about a as-a-documentary fellow cyborgs in TV ..vin the with some classic nos 30 mins to cook (25 mins if nice depending on your taste. this years fundraising series continues this classic block man in and bought from North End Road 12. Serve with a side salad marathon. talgia. tonight. buster. Britc Market). Add 5 mins if needed (if comprising of lettuce, celery and they are too hard), but it should be chopped, very ripe, avocado. If easy to push a fork through them you can find a decent mustard Moonraker, Designing in the contemporaries when they are properly cooked - based salad dressing then so Strangelove and Proud Galleries Digital Age Various locations you want them soft but not falling much the better, but a nice French loid Victoria and Albert A showcase for to pieces. dressing does just as well. dreams: the This latest display recent fine art gradu 2. While the potatoes are boil 13. Eat, accompany your Arts visionary art of chronicles three cut ates from across ing, you might also want to boil meal with a nice white wine, and Ken Adams ting-edge design London. First week. the rice. Rinse first. How long it enjoy. today. teams. 30 Crossword Felix 22 November 1999 The Felix Crossword, by Turnip Henry

Across placed in beer. (5) 1 . Perfrom incantation for 3. Rice washed up twice a fish. (4) day. (5) 5. Sally, in the afternoon, 4. Kill insect going around wrote a bit of the Bible. North America. (9) (5) 6. Spaniard called, then 9. Italy's mythical charac jumped. (6) ter refers to neuter. (6) 7. Repel back diseased 12. Winged god is up in one. (5) police division. (5) 8. Scandium worker is lim 13. Processed puree makes ited. (5) money. (5) 10. Exciting bloke sounds 1 4. A male District Attorney, like toadstools. (5) is actually a lady! (6) 1 1. Carnival sounds like it 1 5. Irritating point. (6) was pre-ordained. (4) 18. Look after hospital 16. Battle in short daffodils worker. (5) makes others seem 20. Worker in circle is going small. (6) on. (7) 17. Er.... Rodent... Urn... 22. Presiding, I swim in tea. That's a mistake. (7) (5) 19. Detection device puts

24. Bland and unpleasant. roses back around (9) Nigel. (6) 26. Deity dad is boss. (9) 21. Stingers let nest fall 27. Back, like king, for over. (7) beer. (5) 22. Composer could be 28. Hug me backwards, butcher. (6) then hold. (7) 23. Standard on bottle. (6) 31. Emotion range is chop- 25. A creature messed up py. (5) modal lair. (9) iCU Jazz and Rock presents.. 33. Weekend treat. (6) 28. Queen: Oh! Twitch is 36. Richard, do prune the quite sexy. (6) flower. (6) 29. Flight company rip off 37. Go round, and take meat. (5) brother back to it. (5) 30. Stitch, er, a disposal 38. I, sorceror, create a pic system? (5) Calamari ture. (5) 31. A drum is very small(4) 39. Tight plastics. (6) 32. Part of a house that's 40. Sit on a fish. (5) gone with the wind.(5) 41 . Binty Kelly has a cheeky 34. Midlands University has 'Sensational alternative rock' child. (4) fog after you. ~ Melody Maker (1.1.1.1.1.) Down 35. Imbibed old penny: dis 2. Fruit is very quietly gusting! (5)

Answers to 1157: At: Across: Carpets, Figaro, Carols, Ages, Elation, Apes, Trek, Failing, Beta, Doors, Tripe, Lion, Wave, Edits, Argue, Duds, Turn-ups, Yogi, Acre, Hawkers, Carp, Digest, Utopia, the HOPE <& ANCHOR Evoking. Down: Ginger, Mars, Cone, Pint, Scan, Area, Albert, Alias, Idiot, Trilled, Kidneys, Florist, Gringos, Brewery, Alve rd Tuesday 23 November oli, Straw, Amuse, urchin, Garlic, Eden, Hate, Kink, Slug, Chop. On stage @ 9.30pm

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This Friday, dBs plays host to the the highest point of every capital and compared New Comedy fourth show in this year's Bust-A- city. Getting as far as Shefield, Rob shows at Edinburgh's Gilded Ball Gut Comedy line-up, with Rob arrived in London only last year, room. Rouse, Paul Sinha and Alfie Joey wearing just a pair of shoes; need A rising star on the London cir all on the bill (in addition, of ing a coat, he entered a local com cuit, Rob performs every Saturday course, to fhe inspired, neo post- edy club, and finding the audience at the Big & Daft Comedy Night at ironic, observational comedy of distracted by some rather mediocre the Viaduct Inn, Hanwell and is our very own Mark Home). nob gags and difference-between- simultaneously touring the country men-and-women jokes, a flowing with the Comedy Network. He Rob Rouse mink number was swiped. Rob's returned to the Edinburgh Festival desire to be a comic was alight, this year, as part of both the 1 999 Rob was born from a woman in and he could sell coats for profit. Comedy Zone and The Big & Daft Macclesfield in 1974. Just five Rob worked his knackers off, Comedy Show. years later he was smacking a winning both the 1998 Ha Bloody So what's his comedy like? He babysitter on the bottom with a Ha New Act of the Year Award and goes for "Vibrant, raw, sweaty, flat carpet-beater, oblivious to his Channel Four's So You Think ulent, snappy, twisted, off-kilter, actions due to the red mist of child You're Funny competition at last always surprising, always up for it", ish excitement. He had no recollec year's Edinburgh Festival - an whilst the BBC prefer the snappier tion of the incident. Forced to apol award previously won by the likes "Excellent". See for yourself on Fri ogise to the babysitter at the village of Phil Kay, Lee Mack, Dylan day night, when £2.50 (£2 with an fete, the confused and embar Moran and Tommy Tiernan. Rob Entscard) gets you entrance to the rassed lad set off to walk the world subsequently performed in The best and cheapest comedy night in with the aim of breaking wind from Best of So You Think You're Funny town. Don't miss.

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All proceeds go to CUC - Cancer and Leukemia in Childhood 32 Clubs & Societies Felix 22 November 1999 Mountaineering Society

WILL DUGDALE part. Alex, however, had decided vening period) was very enjoyable. is standard on grit-stone). One of he was going to relieve himself in Although I'll never admit that to my these, we hope, has been walked Accompanied by several amateur the traditional male fashion. He climbing partner (whom I hold fully off, but the other required more Ali Gs (Here me now... Recognise! could see the bark of the chosen responsible for the stains in my serious attention (due to it being a etc.), and a variety of other equally tree reflecting the cool moonlight in trousers). The first day went by with bump to the back...better safe than bizarre characters, my trip began the dark (he had no torch), and the out serious incident for us, sorry), so we packed up a little outside the Union building at 6:00 hypnotising effect it had on him although the Rescue Services were early and trooped to A&E in Stoke- on Friday evening. I had never completely blinded him to the fact called for another group: one of on-Trent. The individual in question actually been with the ICMC on that it was in the middle of a their members had taken a fall. had relatives nearby, however, so one of their trips out of London stream. He changed, and we ail That evening we drank. And I they arrived to relieve us, and we before, despite having been climb went to our tents. played darts (and lost). made our way back to London. We ing with them for two years on arti The next morning brought Our second day dawned, and stopped again at the same town (if ficial walls in London, so I was mostly cold, I remember, but it was damper, but still not quite you ever pass through Lutterworth unsure of how much I was going to according to the others it was quite raining. By this time, however I was go to the Cottage Chinese Take enjoy myself. I am, I'll be the first to a nice day. I was unconvinced, hav beginning to see the cold as my away. Mmmm) where I ate even more than the last time, and soon admit, a pansy, and have never ing always been under the impres friend (though I'll probably take we were back in the sprawling experienced the (apparent) delights sion that one needs feeling in the warmer, more waterproof clothes metropolis of London. Using a cun of camping and inadequate toilet fingers to climb effectively. I was next time, so maybe as a friend ning human chain we unpacked facilities and I felt as if this was per warned that this was pessimistic, with halitosis), and thus was in a far the gear from the van in record haps throwing myself in at the and told to stop complaining. So superior mood. We went to a local time, and were all on our way back deep-end a touch. I've always off we went. We drove to The town for breakfast, and got a bit home before you can say "How been a hotel man myself. Roaches, which was where were waylaid, since it now had begun to much money, like, would I need, to We left, and after a fairly going to spend our weekend climb drizzle and the clouds were very be a Mill-ee-on-air?" uneventful journey (which involved ing, and after some wandering and low. We were there, then, at eleven eating the most food I've ever wondering, we dumped our stuff on o'clock, so some of us saw their Would I do it again? Probably. eaten in my entire life in some ran a big rock, paired up, and went off Remembrance Day parade, which Would I recommend it to anyone dom town), we arrived at the to find things to climb. I've climbed warmed the heart of even the cold else? Definitely. It gets you out of campsite. Surprisingly, it wasn't a lot inside, but nothing could pre est cynic (i.e. me). So when we left, London, and in touch with your fear raining (even though I had checked pare me for the fear of being even though the weather wasn't as of mortality, and I would certainly the weather report: my luck is much attached to a wall thirty feet up by good as the previous day, we were rate it as one of the most interest more efficient than the Met). It was two VERY small pieces of metal, all ready to do some serious climb ing experiences I've had while at dark, however, which made my attempting to belay (hold the rope ing, and climb we did. However, IC. attempts at helping to put a tent up of) someone who was about twenty our luck wasn't as good that day, much less than useful, but eventu foot above me. I was afraid. Very and we actually had two injuries Contact Megan ally we were set up and, though afraid. But I have to say that getting (more than the usual bleeding [email protected]. cold, we were still dry. For the most to the top (and some of the inter hands, which I've NOW been told Phoenix

ANDY OFORI comers and it hoped some of the more ethereal styles will make an The original publication of Imperial appearance. College has returned for fhe millen The production of both the nium. Phoenix is the arts publica magazine and the CD or tape will tion of Imperial College and affords involve a mammoth amount of students a unique opportunity to work and all volunteers are wel share their creative talents. come. Enthusiasm is al! that is Each year those brave enough required - Phoenix is an ideal to contribute never fail to impress opportunity to get involved in with their skillful and emotive designing and editing. Its funda pieces. One of the strengths of the mental variety allows the produc annual is its free and eclectic style; tion team to take advantage of submissions range from poems and innovative ideas without constraint. short stories to watercolours and If you would like to contribute photos. Phoenix is issued in the or join the production team don't summer term allowing contributors hesitate to get in contact to submit their creations at any this term in order to develop an magazine, allowing bands to show stage in the year, whenever inspira overall design. case their best songs and providing Contact Andy tion hits. The editorial team are There will also be an accompa them with valuable recording expe [email protected]. hoping to start collecting work from nying CD or tape released with the rience. Once again it is open to all 22 November 1999 Felix Clubs & Societies 33 Outdoor Club

STEVE JOLLY hol, for once) were provided on Saturday night by our Catering A "Wild Weekend in Wales" was and Pudding Officers; conse promised, and exceeded all quently the night was punctuated expectations. After a leisurely by the moans, groans and stum drive up and an unfeasibly early blings of over-indulged club mem cooked breakfast, Tryfan (915m) bers, and by the explosive sound was attacked from all directions of Steve supplying his fellow- except up. Various fogies led the sleepers with a generous helping way with some nifty climbing, of chunder. (Also at no extra Antoine giving a particularly charge.) impressive demonstration of tech Sunday saw the club's atten nical skill by rolling a fag in high tions shift to the Snowdon area; winds at 3000 feet. Nasty weather several members strolled round provided wet rocks and bonus the famous Horseshoe (back green slime at no extra charge wards), while others went off for while preventing the (allegedly) some roped scrambling. The amazing views from distracting Chasm Face sounded interesting, attention from the slippery rock. and in fact was. After some deli Snowdon was just as wet, but cate wet climbing, Andy hauled some patient scrambling was well himself up to the belay to be con Remova rumours of our legendary pud worth it, as once above the clouds fronted with the news that his next The trip home was interrupted dings, come along to one of our the view was amazing; the knife task was to squeeze himself into a by the traditional club visit to our meetings: 7pm every Thursday in edge of the horseshoe ridge stick large, dark (and doubtless moist) favourite transport caff: Hollies - Southside Upper Lounge. Or see ing through the blanket of fog like crack. Unsurprisingly, he did so where else can you order a bowl us drink soup tomorrow (Tuesday something randomly poetic. The with relish and was further delight of soup for free, or get 3 sos, 6 23/1 1/99) at 8:30pm on BBC2. low level cloud was concentrated ed to be confronted with an awk bacon, fried egg, fried bread and (Yes, really...) around the mountains, and it was ward chimney to wriggle his way beans (not fried) for £2.70? possible to see for miles. up in order to escape. The day If you're attracted by the idea Contact Fred As per normal, incredible also saw the introduction of a new of coming walking, climbing and [email protected]. quantities of top food (and alco club activity: Extreme Vomit scrambling, or are enticed by

ICLJ Conmjriity Amnesty International

Amnesty International UK (AIUK) is speakers to give us talks about one of the largest charities in the human rights related topics; every world working world-wide for year we run events with the other ACTION human rights. The boundary of its student groups around the UK. We work is very wide - every year also have Urgent Action, in which Group AIUK has campaigns in many we respond immediately to areas like 'Women in deten stop any torture and unfair ICU Community Action tion', the death penalty and trial by e-mailing or letter police brutality in the US. For writing. Group URGENTLY NEEDS more information, please If you are the sort of per visit the official AIUK web son who likes to go protest- MINIBUS DRIVERS for the site, www.amnesty.org.uk ng outside the Houses Tuesday and Thursday Amnesty Interna of Parliament then tional at Imperial Col we might not be night soup runs. lege is one of a few hundred the right society student Amnesty for you. If you are groups in the UK. sort of person who is So if you're over 21, have been driving in The aim of our nterested in leani society is to make ng more about the the UK for at least 2 years, and can spare a more students aware of world and analysing couple of hours on Tuesday or Thursday the human rights situation the situation in different evenings, then ... around the world. Every week we countries, then we are certainly get first hand inside stories from the right choice. And student or AIUK about inhumane actions; staff, you are more than welcome Contact Nada at [email protected] every term we invite number of to join us. 34 Sport Felix 22 November 1999 IC Firsts demolish Wye

Netball

IC I lots but still managed to take 2 or 3 was so enthusiastic that at one IC II 60 Wye I less attempts to get them in. However, point she knocked the ball out of LSE III 10 the presence of a keeper marking Dorothy's hands. All of us over Having slaughtered Wye last year her (when she turned up) caused came some extremely close mark The IC Seconds made their spec 70-1, we travelled up to Kent to the ball to zip through the net first ing during the match - Did the tacular debut with a blinding victo administer their annual thrashing. time from all angles. Combining Wye players know that they had to ry against LSE III. With the weather Due to our late afternoon arrival with Shirley, our other shooter, a be 3 feet away from the opposing nearing Antarctic temperatures, (it takes two and a half hours to flood of goals completely deluged players? catching the ball at first proved dif get there) our match time was an overwhelmed Wye side. In the end, we were playing in ficult. Fortunately, however, we reduced from 1 hour to 40 min At the defensive end there was the dark with Shirley completely began to thaw out once our goals utes to try and avoid playing in little for Kirstie and Rachel to do - disappearing due to the back started rolling in. Shooters Jess darkness. This meant last year's we'll overlook that one conceded ground of conifer hedges at the IC and Sara proved to be our unbeat scoring rate of a goal per minute goal! "We had to let have one end of the court. All you could see able deadly duo, with 20 goals was repeated, aided by the fact didn't we?" - The attack cleaned was a white T-shirt leaping being scored in the last 15 min that they were a player short for up; Dorothy, Paula and Jane around. utes. the first 1 0 minutes. snuffed out any attempt at Wye Bad luck Wye, we hope that Fantastic play by the whole In lacking a keeper, Sarah, our offensive play before it could the merger doesn't disrupt our team and a confident start to the shooter, had free shots on goal reach the IC circle. In fact, Paula annual fixture. forthcoming season. Volleyball in undefeated season

MEN subs are allowed, for the football potential, but being the first fixture came in the last set and was fans out there). So, Erwan stepped of the year there was some nerv unstoppable, spiking every single After a long summer period in and took the risk. He did a bril ousness in the air. IC started out in ball. And for MariaJo who got a savouring last year's fantastic per liant job, managing to improve as full strength and with some solid small share of the action but never formance (BUSA national final), the game went on. But in the end, setting by Magali and Vasso stopped supporting the team. the time has come for IC to start it another solid performance from (unfortunately in her oniy appear all over again. And what a daunt our boys, under the brilliant cap ance of the season) the team ing task in front of us - from the taincy of Beat (aka Terminator), pulled an important and moralis MIXED formidable team of last year, meant that another London oppo ing win over LSE. everybody's gone! So we just get nent had succumbed to IC power. QMW 1-3 IC another bunch of very good play KCL 1-3 IC The mixed team plays in the ers. With the usual wide-ranging A lot of tension in the air, First Division of the ULU league. collection of foreign imports (from WOMEN that's for sure. Both teams were Having won it two years ago and Taiwan, Switzerland, Germany, determined to fight for their lives. finished runners-up last year, our France and Greece), it seems that Contrary to their male counter IC started bad - three players reputation is high. First match was we have once again managed to parts, over the past few years, the arrived late, thus the warm-up and away at Queen Mary's. As usual, put together a great team. Let's women's team has not performed initial line-up was not ideal. It was a lot of uncertainty was in the air see.... at the highest level. However, this a nail-biting first set and KCL due to the lack of team training, year things have changed! We grabbed it by the smallest of mar but confidence was high. The IC 3-0 KCL have an outstanding group of gins, 25-23. For the second set, game started well and we clinched In our first fixture of the sea players who are playing the game changes were introduced and the the first two sets comfortably. son we played King's College. Big at levels that one expects to see late arrivals went in. IC played Beat, the stand-in coach, was in a superbly and clinched this one rivalry between the two teams, but only at the BUSA nationals. All 9 social mood, giving everybody an easily. At this time we though KCL in the end a comfortable victory girls in the team (coming from equal chance of playing. This would have realised we were the for IC. They just could not handle France, USA, Switzerland, Spain meant the team was changing all better team and would let it go, it. Total superiority. and Malaysia) are simply top class the time and eventually the price but they dug in and fought hard. players. Unfortunately, three of was the loss of a set. The oppo Another nail-bitter, but IC came IC 3-0 QMW our players will leave after Xmas nents' captain was mesmerised out on top, this time by 26-24. Again IC just walked all over which will make things iess easy. with the play of our girls and at The last set was a mere formality. the opponents. There was a fright Meanwhile we'!! go on and the end of match kept on asking IC was now in full swing, playing at the start though - our setter, destroy London opposition. where had we found them. They spectacularly and closed the John, could not make it to the were impressive indeed! Especial match in convincing fashion. A match and we had no-one that LSE 0-3 IC ly Sarah, the captain, who did a special mention to Anisah who had ever played in such an impor For the first match of the sea magnificent job as a middle play stayed on the bench for the vast tant position (a bit like when goal son, the girls faced LSE. The feel er, blocking everything they threw majority of the game, but then keepers get injured and no more ing was that our team had great at her. 22 November 1999 Felix Sport 35 Seconds hit top gear ICSM edge medic derby

Football ICSM Hockey

IC II 4 ish was Eniola with a screamer of ICSM I 3 centre-spot, and he finished with aplomb. With half time approach QMW II 0 a shot from the edge of the box. RHUL I 2 More fluid attacking moves led to ing the game seemed set for Hol Yet another long journey to Chisle- a through ball for Brad, which he The first half saw the Medics play loway to be massacred, but a hurst and yet another emphatic clinically finished. Joe and Magic their best hockey of the season. freak goal on the stroke of half- victory for the mightyforces of the used the wings superbly and However, despite the fantastic time prevented that. Sanjay made IC II. Joules' magical balls led to War open play of the ICSM midfield a break into the D and melted a After a bit of a scrappy first ren taking the ball down on his and attack, the deadlock was bro fantastic shot into the keeper. half the score was 0-0. The geri thigh in the box and finishing with ken after 20 minutes by a slick set However, the rebound from the atric referee managed to give an his left foot. By this time IC were piece. A pacy move by Reilly was fortuitous save found a panicky indirect free kick inside the box in complete control, the defence terminated illegally, and from the Holloway defender who belted the after Brad was brought down. and Ricky in goal were outstand ensuing short-corner Fishpool fin ball clear in defensive despera Then when Dave was cruelly cut ing. Before the end there was ished from 6 yards, nutmegging tion. However, the clearance trav up and injured by a vicious QMW time for Brad to scramble a goal. the keeper. elled a full 80 yards to the oppo player, the referee failed to pro A brilliant second half per However, Holloway hit back sition centre-forward, who found duce any card. The frustrated IC formance by IC II - come on immediately. The Medics concen himself bereft of Sanjay, his mark team had a bit of a barney at half boys, let's boost the next round of tration lapsed, allowing Holloway er. He finished easily past the time to clear the air and came BUSA. to win their first short-corner of the marooned Petter. out for the second half raring to match. It was duly dispatched. The second half saw Holloway go. Random scorebox But with both Keysell and Reil emerge with more rumbustious The second half was a trans England 0 - Scotland 1 ly playing so well on the left and intent. But Meyer, receiving the formation - IC were fast on the Oh dear. Chances of England right flanks respectively, it was only ball in a dead position by the by break, and loads of chances getting past the first round of a matter of time before ICSM line, eluded three defenders Kanu- started to appear. The first to fin Euro 2000? Not a lot. retook the lead. This time a break esquely, before finding Keysell in by Keysell found Meyer free on the space to score the winning goal.

IN BRIEF

Cross Country Squash Football Hockey

Imperial College Cross Country IC II 4 IC VII 5 ic II o Club are pleased to announce the LSE II 1 SOP II 1 UCL II 1 engagement of Daisy Boy and Sticky Sarah. They celebrated their After losing their previous two After a run of rather poor results, A terrible performance on a worse announcement with 21 st and 28th league matches the IC second IC VII were determined to rack up pitch saw the mighty seconds lose. place and we wish them all the team found itself under intense a good score against SOP II. After But having won the league we best for the future. pressure to go to LSE and bring a stirring team talk by the guvnar, were not concerned and we're still

Don't ask why, but the race at back a result which wouid keep IC started very strongly and man on our mighty mission to victory - Wimbledon Common was our their BUSA Cup campaign alive. aged to trip over his bootlaces and it's just this was a bit of a hiccup. home match and so we had the First up to play were Paui (on fall into the net holding the ball! With our star player Bruce Lee privilege of starting the race, with his debut) and Eric. Paul opened We created chance after chance, confined to the goal because of UCL stuck in traffic. his account for the 2nds with a with captain Jamil rattling the post the absence of the mountain that The race was cold. Very cold. highly impressive 3-0 victory and with a snap shot, but we still fin is E.Honda, we were always going It was business as usual for gave the team a crucial head start. ished the first half only 2-0 up. to suffer. The result was a poor Dorchie, winning her second suc Whilst on the other court Eric, who SOP II came back strongly in attempt to beat a team that should cessive race, and Louise, back in held his nerve magnificently the 2nd half and created a couple have been destroyed by the mighty the top ten. through a nail biting finish, man of chances, but IC kept pushing seconds, but we did thrash them Stan-Ron left his secret lover at aged to secure a 3-2 victory to forward, and mid-way through the last time. And by the way did we home and was 4th. XXX-Gaffer extend our lead even further. The half Chris scored with a cross- mention that we've already won was 7th and the veteran of the team then suffered it's only loss. come-shot, and Mark finished the league? race was next home in 12th. Steve battled hard but was unable well to make it 4-0. SOP finally Frank, Stereo Dan and Daisy Boy to avoid complete humiliation in a managed to put one in on the We'll try that again shall we. closed the first team in 19th, 20th match that lasted just under seven scramble. The final goal was This week, Felix really WILL be and 21 st. teen minutes. Nonetheless, LSE's scored by substitute Pete Cheung at HaHington, so watch out! recovery proved short lived as Jef Angus "I didn't go to La Scan- from close range. Goalie Xau did Sorry for everything that didn't frey promptly won the next match dale last night" improved 48 not have much to do but was out get in (especially fencing, who I in three straight games, confirming places to 55th. Well done. That standing when called on. So a first keep forgetting about), but victory for IC and making fhe last would have taken most of us into win and hopefully first of many for there was no room! remaining match a formality. negative positions! IC VII. 36 Sport Felix 22 November 1999

SCOREBOARD

Ladies handbag UCL FOOTBALL (Mens) IC 2nd XI 4-0 QMW Women's Football IC 7th XI 5-1 SOP

IC Ladies . 3 tent. Tina showed excellent skill in ly turned into scrappy Southampton FOOTBALL (Womens) UCL 2 her debut performance. Her long passing, hopeful Wimbledon style IC XI 3-2 UCL ball found Jazzy Jeff who dodged long balls, and the sort of finishing UCL are a funny side - they don't the bemused defence and her flashy Newcastle would be proud to exhib HOCKEY (Mens) look as male as most of the people cross found the boot of the talented it. A couple of (tactical?) substitu IC 2nd XI 0-1 UCL we play against. And they can play Clark Kent. It was 1 -0 to us. tions later, and the ball once more ICSM 3 - 2 RHUL football (apparently) since they beat IC were sharp in intercepting the found it's way into the UCL half - us 9-0 in the league a week ago. wild UCL passes and were quick on over and over again. Images of the NETBALL But the IC spirit reigned supreme - the attack. A flick from The Mayor first half (bails flying at us, but not IC 1st VII lots - less Wye it's the Wednesday feeling of no lec landed in Kent's way, who went on being able to put them away) haunt IC 2nd VII 60-10 LSE tures, stuff the coursework, play the to cruise past UCL's defence and ed us each time the ball flew into game and hit the bar (not the wood smash one past the helpless goalie. their penalty area. Spurred on by RUGBY (Mens) work). It's in BUSA that we're invin Our 2-0 lead relaxed our team, Mae and Hard Kaur's persistence, IC 1 st XI 43-5 UEA cible. Another match, another result, but half-time was a long time com Kent turned on a defender and the IC 2nd XI 17-10 UEA another 3 points well earned (if ing (it usually is unfortunately). The pressure was too much. The UCL IC 3rd XI slightly on the fortunate side). break was used well by UCL to player obviously wanted to be on the An impressive opening from the recover and think tactics. This was winning side and aided in the 3-2 SQUASH Shady Ladies resulted in early goals. shortly followed by another, debat victor/. An own goal, a miracle, and IC 2nd 4-1 LSE Hedge, Vasso and Frenchie were able, goal - definitely offside (we're the sweet sound of the full-time whis impenetrable (much to their disap thinking pitch length here) but the ref tle has never been so appreciated. pointment) in defence and fed mid was too busy looking at Dumb and G'n'T, once again, saved the day fielders Tart, Louise and Girlfriend Dumber's legs to notice. What had with superb saves. She's just too with great balls to their hearts con been an entertaining first half quick good. Imperial find window to victory

Rugby - Sponsored by AALTRAN

University of East Anglia I 5 UEA II 10 deadlock with a try in the corner. At IC I 43 IC II 17 this point the opposition began to wise up and despite continuous Unfazed by the wind and rain we After a sadistically early start in hammering from the likes of Matt, found when we arrived, we warmed South Kensington we -arrived in a Mo and Rick, play stagnated until up in the changing room. This was a land of no electricity, heating or sun early in the second half. The fresh must win game and the boys came shine. We were quickly changed and pair of legs securely attached to Tim out really fired up. The forwards in raring to go. That was until the "hello boys" Denyer charged their particular had a great game with weather set in ...but in the true spir way towards the line bringing the Charlie Cunwell and Jon Bound it of IC Rugby we braved the sleet score up to 10-0. Spurred on, the SORRY - NO OTHER leading the charge. After some great and hail. seconds rallied and came back with rucking Dune Rainey crossed in the Although the weather was still the taste for blood, beating the RESULTS AVAILABLE corner for the first try. We got lazy bitterly cold at kick-off, the troops defence into submission and leading early on and they scored a dull try. were fired up and read to go. The to yet another try for the Londoners DUE TO TECHNICAL This spurred the boys into action and first quarter was highly uneventful, from Jim, easily converted by Tez. a try from Dave Gay and two from with the conditions hampering the IC seemed untouchable, but in PROBLEMS BEYOND James Philip condemned UEA to the efforts of both sides, but midway the final minutes of the game the shark tank. We hot-wired their trac through the first half the IC brilliance lads from Norwich managed to OUR CONTROL tors, foiled the cunning female assas began to shine through and, after a push through twice and score on sins and showed them our golden beautiful passage of play, a quick both occasions, but it was a case of eye. shimmy by Nick Parker broke the too little too late.