I am responsi- ble when any- JANUARY 2020 Volume 44, No. 1 one, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there, and for that I am respon- sible.

life·line | \ ˈlīf-ˌlīn : 1. A rope or line used for life-saving, typically one thrown to rescue someone in difficulties in water. 2. A thing on which someone depends for a means of escape from a difficult situation. https://en.oxforddictionaries.com You Don’t Need New Year's Resolutions in Recovery - Maybe living your program is enough

A step aerobics class teacher at my gym used to call January 20 "Reality Day", because most of the folks who made New Year's resolutions about going to the gym every single day and finally getting in shape…had drifted away by January 20. Less than three weeks into the new year, the gym was back to the regulars. Sound familiar? We have two traditions in our society: • One is of setting life-changing New Year's resolutions for ourselves, typically focused on dropping the weight, drinking less, living on a budget, finding Mr. or Ms. Right, and so on. • And we have a second tradition, closely tied to the first. It's called abandoning our over-reaching resolutions typically within a couple of days of setting them, feeling guilt and despair, and then giv- ing up entirely. I'm here to suggest that this year, instead of setting resolutions, which really is just a diabolical meth- od for setting ourselves up to fail, maybe living your program is enough. And if you really do want to set a resolution of some kind, I've got some great news, people in Twelve Step recovery actually do

New Year's resolutions better than just about anybody. Why? (continued on page 2)

to be as comfortable in his last days as possible. LOSS IN SOBRIETY. And while my hopes for his recovery didn’t come true, my hopes and prayers for him to be comforta- Over the past few months, the fellowship has lost ble did. At that living wake, we (there were lots of us some of its long-time members. Friends around me there!) got to tell him and show him that we loved have lost folks who were way too young to pass him. I got to tell him that he had made a huge posi- from us. I guess it is supposed to be that way—life on Earth tive difference in my life. After my friend passed, there was also does come to a conclusion for all living things. Knowing that a memorial service for him. It had laughter and some tears. It death is the normal order of things doesn’t seem to help me had stories of dedication, service and love. His friends, family, feel better. A list of the “classic” stages of grief is: 1) Denial, 2) sponsees, sponsor, and employees all participated. There was Anger, 3) Bargaining, 4) Depression, 5) Acceptance. I have some closure to a life too short but a life well lived. In the end, I found myself in those stages for periods as people have lost have come to acceptance. I’m reminded in the rooms of AA their battles with diseases, have passed suddenly, or finally that acceptance does not mean liking something, it means ac- succumbed to advanced age. One member, who had been knowledging what is true. And when that truth becomes part of fighting cancer for a period of time, had the grace to have a me, I can once again find some peace and serenity. The Big “living wake” for himself while he was still alive. He had let us Book says (Pg. 84) “And we have ceased fighting anything or know that he was ill and that gave us time to progress through anyone…” My friend is gone from his Earthly life. I know that he those stages. There were prayers and hopes for his recovery. wants us to keep up the altruistic work he was doing here. And There were opportunities to see him—and, unfortunately, to that while it is okay for me to mourn his loss, I need to remem- see the disease progress in him. Yet there was always a fellow- ber the twinkle in his eye, his knowing grin, and that a certain ship around him, giving encouragement and comfort. I always paragraph at the bottom of page 129 in the Big Book will al- had hope—at first hope for his recovery and, later, hope for him ways be his to read. Anonymous https://aasanjose.org/wp-content/ SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org (You Don’t Need...con't from p. 1) days, or to attend one meeting a you get through a moment. We week for a set period of time. were "keeping calm and…" long Because we don't set them, in- This isn't by accident. Those of us before the word "meme" meant stead we work a program that who have achieved long-term re- something other than a kid want- allows, encourages and pretty covery understand that change ing to be picked first for teams. much requires us to live our doesn't happen overnight, but These seemingly simple mantras lives one day at a time. change can happen in one day. are in fact full of wisdom and can Change Takes Time And the next one day. And the help even us old-timers get Just like you don't have to get to next. That's right, change happens through any given day. Some of the gym every day to get fit, you over time, by repeating a behav- my favorites include: don't have to do anything perfect- ior, learning new skills and under- • "Turn it over": whatever you're ly, except, of course, Step One in standing how to apply them, day going through—and ask your whatever program you are in. And by day. Not by randomly selecting for help. guess what? You start off each a date (January 1 for instance) • "Think": don't just operate on and every day with Step One. and declaring it the day of change. automatic pilot. Why do we focus on one day at a Recovery is About Pro- • "First things first": do what you time? Because when we resolve gress Not Perfection need to do, and only then do what to take a major step, we are often Twelve Step recovery is not about you want to do. resorting to black and white, pass setting goals. It's just about getting • "Live and let live": quit trying to and fail thinking. This is standard through the day without our drug control everyone around you, and operating procedure for addicts or addictive activity of choice, and go enjoy your own life. and alcoholics, and it seems as trying to be a better person at the • "But for the grace of God": though everyone else in society same time, with the help of a just think of where your life would joins us in this manner of thinking Higher Power. be if you hadn't cleaned up. at this time of year. One of the big- My late sponsor, Milton D., used • "Easy does it": but do it! gest problems with this all or noth- to say that the doctor's credo of Three more "mantras" or "rules" ing thinking is that we set our- "first do no harm" ought to apply to that help us simplify or categorize selves up to fail. those with addictions as well. "If the "why" behind each of the We don't stay clean, sober, or ab- an alcoholic [or addict] gets Twelve Steps are "Trust God. stinent a year at a time, or even a through the day without hurting Clean House. Help Others." All month at a time. Instead, it's a somebody," he would say, "they Twelve Steps fit into one of those day, or sometimes an hour, or had a pretty good day." three rules, so it really can be that even a single breath at a time. I'm not saying aim low, but I am simple. I'm definitely not saying it's Seems like those are the time suggesting we aim for what's pos- easy, but it is simple. frames we can really handle. sible. The operative phrase, or So here's my suggestion for New Most people who come to Alcohol- slogan, for many in Twelve Step Year's resolutions: don't make ics Anonymous or other Twelve fellowship is "just for today." So any. Then on January 20, and July Step programs didn't get clean instead of saying, "This whole 20, and December 20, for that and sober after their very first year, I will (or I won't) …" You matter, you'll be able to look your- meeting. It took time for the denial might say, "Just for today, I'm go- self in the mirror and say the one to seep out and for the program to ing to eat in a healthy manner." Or thing that no one else in America seep in. "I won't spend money I don't can: "I didn't break a single one of In the program, we encourage have." Or maybe "I'll do the best I my New Year's resolutions!" newcomers to try each meeting six can." "Because I choose to live one day different times before they decide Getting Through the at a time." if it's the right meeting for them. Moment On top of that, you'll hear many In Twelve Step programs, we rely https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/articles/ sponsors suggest to sponsees sober-dad/recovery-new-years-resolution that they attend 90 meetings in 90 on these slogans that can help

SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org 2 TAKING STEP ONE: meetings in ninety days, to not drink Step One is simply an admission one day at a time, to call someone that I have a problem with alcohol, I opened the door and walked into the before I drank, and to not drink no that I can’t control my drinking. I could room, the first to arrive. Across from matter what, that even if my ass were no longer avoid the truth—I’m an al- me, displayed on the wall were the to fall off, I was to pick it up and get coholic. I don’t know if I can remem- Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anony- my ass to a meeting. I knew I was in ber the specific moment when I made mous, and as I read that first step, it the right place. that admission. It may have been the got my attention. It was the perfect morning I walked out of that jail cell description of my situation and my life after my last drunk, or when I called at that moment, and just reading the and asked for words filled me with a sense of relief, help, or that first AA meeting, or may- “We admitted we were powerless be it was a culmination of events that over alcohol - that our lives had finally brought me to that moment of become unmanageable.” surrender. Regardless of when, My drinking had been out of con- where and how it occurred, the ad- trol for several years and my life mission of powerlessness was not an reached a point where it became not act of courage on my part. It was only impossible but frightening. I was complete and utter capitulation. twenty-five years old and since about Though the hopelessness of sur- the age of 19, I considered the possi- render can be devastating, it need not bility that I was an alcoholic, but I al- be permanently debilitating. Having ways dismissed the idea as ridicu- admitted defeat, I took the advice giv- lous. I was too young or so I thought. en at my first meeting to make ninety Yet, when I read that step, the label I really didn’t want to stop drink- meetings in ninety days. Attending AA “alcoholic” didn’t seem to matter any ing. I loved it too much and couldn’t meetings on a regular basis connect- longer, because the statement at imagine life without alcohol. Drinking ed me with others who supported me least in my case was true and very seemed to soothe the pervading in my desire to stop drinking. The applicable. I was powerless over alco- sense of unease that I so often car- meetings also helped stamp into my hol and my life was certainly unman- ried with me, but as the years went consciousness the futility of continu- ageable. As I was contemplating the by, alcohol gradually took over my life ing the fight. In time, I moved beyond words before me, a man walked into and I often found myself burdened by simply admitting I had a problem to the room with a pot of coffee and in- fear, guilt and shame. The prob- accepting it, and I think there’s a dif- troduced himself. He was very kind to lems piling around me were almost ference. me, and as others began filtering into impossible to endure, and in an effort The admission of powerlessness the room, he introduced me to them. I to keep others from discovering was simply my reaction to a losing remember thinking that everyone the truth, I lied to almost everyone, fight — I simply gave up. Acceptance seemed so well put together, so suc- but most damaging of all— I lied to on the other hand required some cessful, so normal. myself. thought and action. Over a period of The meeting started with some- The most outrageous lie was that time attending meetings, reading body reading the Steps, and then they I could control my drinking, that it the Big Book and Twelve by Twelve, gave me a First Step Meeting. They wasn’t a problem, and sadly I con- and sharing my experience, I took into told my story through their own. One vinced myself this was true. I wanted consideration the surrender terms, man recounted the shame he felt control over alcohol and my life, and I and I became convinced that if I were when his wife and young daughters insisted that somehow I could find a to live and have any kind of life at all, I went to the police station to get him way. Repeatedly I tried, and repeat- would need to stop drinking. Sobriety out of jail. Although my circumstances edly I failed, until finally at long last, I was an offer of peace, and I consent- were different, I understood and could reluctantly surrendered—I gave up ed to the very simple condition that I relate to the feelings of shame and and admitted I am powerless over must stay away from the first drink, guilt that he expressed. They sug- alcohol. one day at a time. aabeyondbelief.org/2016/03/09/ gested I come back, to try ninety step-one/ SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org 3 bring him back when he’s in better ings. It may lure us into hogging the The First Tradition: shape to hear the message. We are floor at every discussion meeting. Our common welfare should putting the “common welfare” first. Oh well, it’s a selfish program, isn’t come first; personal recovery But it is his welfare, too; if he’s ever it? After all the miseries of active al- depends upon A.A. unity. Our going to get sober, the group must go coholism, why shouldn't we indulge on functioning, ready for him. ourselves a little? We all know one brother, the noisy drunk, affords the Yet he is only one rare aspect of the good reason why we shouldn’t: Self- simplest illustration of this Tradition. problem. When we do get sober in indulgence of this kind is an immedi- If he insists on disrupting the meet- A.A., we shed a few small bits of the ate personal danger - it threatens the ing, we “invite” him to leave, and we Big Ego: We admit, “I can’t handle individual’s own sobriety. More than alcohol, and I that, it threatens the very basis of our can’t stay away sobriety - the unity of the A.A. group. from it on my For a self-righteous gossip can dam- own.” Fine so age the mutual trust that is vital to far! Then we every group. And a compulsive talk- find there is er can ruin the effectiveness of a dis- plenty of the Ego cussion meeting -- “I’ve stopped go- still with us. It ing to that group. Nobody but Joe may lead us to can get a word in edgewise.” When take other mem- A.A. was very young, the first mem- bers’ inventories bers clearly saw the preservation of and to gossip its unity as a life-or-death matter for about their sup- them- selves and for the alcoholics posed shortcom- still unrecovered. The First Tradition

states this aim, and it is the common aim of all . When A.A. reached the age of 35, the aim was restated in the theme of the 1970 International Convention:

This we owe to A.A.’s future: • To place our common welfare first, • To keep our Fellowship united, • For on A.A. depend our lives, • And the lives of those to come.

Each of the other eleven Traditions explains one specific way to protect the unity of the Fellowship and the A.A. group. Those early members quickly recognized the power-drivers as potential group-wreckers. And they’re still around - the members who are always sure that they are always right - the members who are happily ready to assume all of the burdens of leadership and grimly unwilling to share them, let alone give them up. But a group does need officers. How can we cope with this dilemma? Tradition Two provides the answer… https://www.aa.org/ assets/en_US/p-43_thetwelvetradiillustrated.pdf

SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org 4 A man and his wife were awakened at and you should be ashamed of yourself!' 3:00am by a loud pounding on the door. The The man does as he is told, gets dressed, man gets up and goes to the door where a and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls drunken stranger, standing in the pouring out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'' rain, is asking for a push. 'Not a chance,' “Yes,' comes back the answer. says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!' 'Do you still need a push?' calls out the hus- He slams the door and returns to bed. band. 'Who was that?' asked his wife. 'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark. “Just some drunk guy asking for a push, “ he 'Where are you?' answers. asks the husband. 'Did you help him?' she asks. 'Over here on the 'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is swing,' replied the pouring rain out there!' drunk. 'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months http://www.aalondon.org/ Humour2.html ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him,

around someone who is drinking, be hon- cret that I was in rehab and had stopped est about it – with yourself and with oth- drinking. I was afraid people would make ers. Trust me, you’d rather be safe than fun of me, or think I was being overly dra- sorry. Wait until you feel certain that you matic. Once I stopped caring, it was so can handle being around drinking without freeing. Plus it showed me who really partaking. You will thank yourself for it loved and supported me in my life, no later, and your true friends will under- matter my choices. stand. 6. Keeping secrets. 3. Surrounding yourself with the I have a friend who likes to say “Secrets My first year of recovery was one in same people and places as when keep you sick.” In other words, being hon- which I felt every emotion under the you were drinking. est and upfront makes life a lot healthier sun – fear, anger, confusion, happi- and a lot easier. Nothing is as freeing as This seems like a common sense state- ness, pride, frustration. You name it, I admitting that you are struggling and ment, but some people think they can need help. It’s hard, yes, but it pays off. felt it. In this first year I never knew jump right back into the same life they Keeping secrets in general is a stressful what each day would bring, but day were living when drinking and stay sober. way of living. This doesn’t mean you have by day I eventually made it to one And maybe some people can. But it’s im- the right to run around telling the cold, year of sobriety. Through that year, I portant to really think through the risks hard truth about everything in life, to the learned quickly that I needed to do involved with returning to your normal life point that you are hurtful. It just means certain things and avoid others if I immediately after getting sober. It’s not that you should be honest and forthcom- always the best decision and needs to be wanted to stay sober. Here are 7 ing in situations that involve yourself. thought through. mistakes to avoid making in your first 7. Immersing yourself in sobriety- year of sobriety. 4. In some cases, dating. related activities and neglecting 1. Isolating yourself. I didn’t really follow this rule, but I do un- derstand why it’s recommended to avoid the rest of your life. Sure, maybe you don’t want to go to rag- relationships in your first year of sobriety. Some people get sober and immediately ing parties, and that is understanda- First, focusing on yourself is important, get sucked into their new way of life. ble. But that doesn’t mean you should and can be hard to do if you are im- While good in a way, this can also be never be social or avoid spending time mersed in someone else. And second, if dangerous. Living and breathing sobriety with friends. Being alone can be just as relationships end badly it can be all the isn’t healthy for anyone. You should have dangerous as being at a huge party with more tempting to say “screw it” and start other passions and hobbies, too. Figure drinking. Isolating yourself can lead to drinking. out what works for you and your sobriety, feelings like loneliness and self-pity which but don’t make your entire life revolve can result in deciding to drink to alleviate 5. Caring what others think about around it. Life is about balance, and so is those feelings. your sobriety. staying sober. 2. Being overly confident. This was my biggest battle in the first year of my sobriety. I wanted to keep it a se- https://www.orlandorecovery.com/blog/7-mistakes-avoid-first- If you don’t think you can handle being year-sobriety/#gref SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org 5 begin to connect with others and dicts, we fear and avoid the difficult break free from our painful and lonely emotions of life, but by doing so we SURRENDER, isolation. Through fellowship with oth- also deny ourselves the inspiring feel- er addicts we can learn to accept our- ings that give it meaning and purpose. The experience of surrender is the selves and our many limitations. We Brene Brown describes the im- gateway to recovery from addiction. grow out of our low self-worth and its portance of our willingness to be vul- To paraphrase the first Step of the AA nerable in the following excerpt from 12-Step program, at this moment we her book, ‘Daring Greatly: How the experience an acceptance that we VULNERABILITY Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms lack control and that our life is unman- the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and ageable. Our ego surrenders its will Lead.’ through the pain and suffering of ad- defensive false pride and arrogance “What most of us fail to understand diction. Our denial is broken and we that separate us from a genuine con- and what took me a decade of re- experience a deep self-honesty and nection with ourselves and others. search to learn is that vulnerability is humility. We finally admit our human In practicing the 12-Step program of also the cradle of the emotions and limitation and that we are in need of recovery we continue to develop the help. above-mentioned principles and by In this respect we are now authentic doing so grow in relationship with our- AND and willing to show our vulnerability to selves and other people. In continuing others – to reach out and to trust that a journey of self-discovery and self- CONNECTION. we can be helped, that we can recov- acceptance we can increase our ca- er. These principles of acceptance, pacity to be authentic and vulnerable experiences that we crave. We want self-honesty, humility, willingness and – two qualities that are essential in deeper and more meaningful spiritual faith are essential if we are to main- relation to connection. lives. Vulnerability is the birthplace of tain and progress in our recovery. In Recovery is a process of moving from love, belonging, joy, courage, and relation to 12-Step recovery they ena- a meaningless and painful isolation, creativity. It is the source of hope, em- ble us to access and practice the rest to meaningful connection with our- pathy, accountability and authenticity. of the program. selves, others and life. Through prac- If we want greater clarity in our pur- Through the authenticity that comes ticing spiritual principles we’re trying pose or deeper or more meaningful from humility we are willing to be vul- to transform from a feeling of fear, spiritual lives, vulnerability is the nerable. We are willing to drop the danger and badness about life, to a path……If we want to reclaim the es- defenses of pride, arrogance, and our faith in love and the goodness in our- sential emotional part of our lives and various other ‘character defects’ that selves, others and the world. This is reignite our passion and purpose, we usually stem from our shame and an ongoing and lifetime’s work that have to learn how to own and engage emotional insecurity. It is through we can choose to commit to. with our vulnerability and how to feel our willingness to be vulnerable, Ultimately, recovery is a process of the emotions that come with it.” and to admit our limitations and feel- honestly facing, feeling, and being Often people with a history of addic- ings, that we are able to connect with open about the more difficult emo- tion have been abused, neglected, others in recovery. We connect to tions in life, such as: fear, shame, and deeply wounded by others close each other through our mutual identifi- sadness, hurt, rejection and loss with- to them, and so have learnt to avoid cation of shared experience and feel- out trying to numb them or run away. vulnerability. They lack trust in others ings, our shared humanity. This is the According to the researcher Brene and in life and so are defensive and unity experienced in the 12-Step fel- Brown, “to feel is to be vulnerable.” To tend to push others away, often un- lowships. successfully recover from the emo- consciously. Their defenses are var- Addiction is often referred to as “a dis- tional illness of addiction we must be ied and include: anger, criticism, so- ease of disconnection.” This suggests willing to be vulnerable and authentic cial withdrawal and avoidance, arro- an isolated ego – a separated self. in our lives. In doing so, we are able gance, selfishness, and all manner of The authenticity, self-honesty, and to deeply and honestly connect and other shame and fear-based behav- humility that comes from our surren- feel a sense of peace and happiness iors. (continued on page 7) der is the bridge by which we can within ourselves. As practicing ad- SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org 6 (Surrender...cont. from p.6) Their reactions and behaviors are strategies for avoiding the underlying pain of their emotional wounds (rejection, shame and betrayal). Addiction in all its forms being a chief strategy. However, as described above, these defensive strategies also prevent meaningful connection and intimacy with others and result in a painful isolation and a feeling that life is meaningless. Our underlying wounds and their defenses prevent vulnerability and lead to being disconnected from our more positive feelings as well. The healing process is not an easy one. It is a long and difficult journey and requires a lot of determination and courage, as well as faith in our ability to be healed. I believe that the 12-Step recovery process can guide us in this journey of healing our emotional wounds and regain- ing our capacity to be vulnerable. We can learn how to reconnect with ourselves, others, and the awe, wonder, joy, and mystery of life. We often need other help and support along the way, but once in recovery we intuitively know where to seek it. We learn to choose empathic, affirming and honest relationships, so we’re not wounded excessively anymore. Through these accepting and positive recovery relationships we can learn to love and accept ourselves and feel worthy of the connection that we all desire. We can recover. Steve K. https://aabeyondbelief.org/2018/04/08/surrender-vulnerability-and- connection/ ANONYMITY ONLINE AND General Principles press, radio and film. For more shar- DIGITAL MEDIA “When appearing on radio, television, ing on this topic, see the resource film or on the Internet as A.A. mem- page Anonymity — A Vital Spiritual In all A.A.’s public relations, A.A.’s bers, we refrain from showing our fac- Principle on G.S.O.’s website.” sole objective is to help the still es or revealing our last names. In *Frequently Asked Questions about suffering alcoholic; always mindful of printed articles, on websites or email, A.A. Websites, p.2 the importance of personal anonymi- we are identified by our first names Social Networking Websites ty at the public level. Public infor- and last initials only.” *The A.A. “. . . social networking websites are mation takes many forms, from the Group – Where it All Begins, p. 8 public in nature. Though users create simple sign outside a meeting place, “When using digital media, A.A. mem- accounts and utilize usernames and to distribution of A.A. literature, A.A. bers are responsible for their own an- passwords, once on the site, it is a websites, anonymity protected PSAs, onymity and that of others. When we public medium where A.A. members informational videos, radio, television post, text, or blog, we should assume and non-A.A.s mingle…’ “As long as and digital media. A thoughtful and that we are publishing at the public individuals do not identify themselves informed group conscience is encour- level. When we break our anonymity as A.A. members, there is no conflict aged to be responsible for deciding in these forums, we may inadvertently of interest. However, someone using how best to inform members and the break the anonymity of others.” their full name and/or a likeness, such public about A.A. and how as mem- *Understanding Anonymity, p. 5 as a full-face photograph, would be bers we can use digital media, prac- A.A. Websites contrary to the spirit of the Eleventh tice anonymity and avoid anonymity “We observe all of A.A.’s principles Tradition, which states in the Long breaks. Below is sharing from A.A. and Traditions on our websites. As Form that, ‘ . . . our [last] names and resources as a reminder of the im- anonymity is the “spiritual foundation pictures as A.A. members ought not portance of A.A.’s anonymity Tradi- of all our Traditions,” we practice an- be broadcast, filmed or publicly print- tions in our digital lives. In 2013 the onymity on A.A. websites. Some A.A. ed…’ ‘…Even “closed” or “private” General Service Conference affirmed websites contain password-protected groups might still reveal an individu- “ . . . that the Internet, social media sections for members only, but public- al’s identity. Being well-informed pri- and all forms of public communica- ly accessible pages of an A.A. website or to joining or starting such a group tions are implicit in the last phrase of have the potential for reaching the is the key to protecting your own ano- the Short Form of Tradition Eleven, broadest possible audience and, nymity, and that of others.’ *A.A. which reads: ‘ . . . at the level of press, therefore, require the same safe- Guidelines – Internet, p.1-2 radio and films.’ guards that we use at the level of www.aa.org)

SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org 7 January 2020

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat

1 2 3 4

Vickie P., Dave M. 1yr 5yr Cove Pt. Keven M. 2yr We Wuz Wurz

5 Adella A., 6 7 8 9 10 11 5yr Drunks R Us Jeff M., 10yr Vinny H.,3 yr Sandy C., 3yr Dennis B., 44yr Lenny, 23 yr, Lexington Park Mount Harmony Charlotte Hall Kingston Creek Sober By The

Bay Kathy N., 11yr Keith, 37 yr, Early Risers Tracey's Land- ing

12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Francis R.,28yr Maggie S., 4yr Amy M., 10yr KISS North Beach North Beach Women's Sara S., 6yr Ella D., 4yr Phillips House

19 20 21 22 23 24 25

Scott C., 1 yr Marquette R. Phillips House 1yr,Brown Bag

26 27 28 29 30 31

David D., 11yr Al S., 31yr KISS Hollywood

Dana B., 2yr Phillips House Jeff P., 5yr Happy Destiny

SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org 8 February 2020

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1

2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Kim S. 23yr Sam T. 29yr Eileen M., Drunks ‘R’ Us Brown Bag 20yr, Kingston Creek Gordon M. 37yr KISS Jimmy S. 14yr Beginners At

Noon

9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Rebecca L., 1yr, Mary W., 12yr, Do Drop Inn Early Risers

16 17 18 19 20 21 22

Michelle T., 6yr, More Will Be Revealed

23 24 25 26 27 28 29

Carole W., 4yr, Michelle Y., 1yr, Do Drop Inn Not Quite Right

Paul M., 30yr, Patuxent River Group

SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org 9 SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org 10 with alcohol and drugs. Therefore, it’s addicts are bad people, or that you not uncommon to believe that life will should be ashamed of your sober sta- end once you stop drinking. I was tus. Shame can keep people drinking We often think sobri- shocked to find out that my life didn’t and using for years and is not a posi- ety is the end of the world, that our end when I got sober, it actually truly tive feeling to have when sober. Most lives are over, and we’ll never have began for the first time. A woman of us carry some sort of shame into fun again. But that's not true. once told me when I was four days sobriety from our drinking days, but sober that I would “live a life beyond there is absolutely no reason we Let’s face it. Getting sober can be the my wildest dreams.” I didn’t believe should be ashamed of being sober. scariest time in your life. We often her then, but now I know exactly what We should be proud we’ve changed think it’s the end of the world, that our she meant, and she was right. Sobrie- our lives in a healthy way. lives are over, and that we’ll never ty has given me my life back and has have fun again. But these are all just allowed me to construct a happy and 7. Sobriety is not a secret you a few common misconceptions about healthy life I never had during my should keep: You’ll hear a common sober life. Although getting sober can years of using. phrase in recovery that goes, “secrets be tough, we’re talking about exactly keep you sick.” For many of us, ad- what sobriety is and what it isn’t. 4. Sobriety is not only for alcohol- diction taught us how to lie, take ad- ics: Contrary to popular belief, sobri- vantage of people and situations, and 1. Sobriety is not boring: This has ety is not just for alcoholics, it can live a dishonest life. In recovery we to be the one number one reason I work for anybody. For me, I was hesi- learn how essential it is to be honest didn’t get sober sooner. I was con- tant to label myself as an alcoholic for about everything. Secrets can cause vinced that sobriety was synonymous a long time. In fact, I didn’t say the you more pain and guilt, and can be with boring. I used to see people at words “I’m Kelly and I’m alcoholic” detrimental to your sobriety. My ad- parties who didn’t drink and actually until over a year into my sobriety. The vice is to be honest about your new felt bad for them, viewing them as truth is, I wasn’t sure if I was going to life so that you can be your best au- people who had boring lives. There stay sober forever or if it was some- thentic self going forward. was nothing worse to me than living a thing only alcoholics could experi- boring life, and that kept me drinking ence. Labels aside, sobriety is a life- 8. Sobriety is not the norm: Once for a long time. Surprisingly, when I style that everyone can benefit from, you start your sober life you may no- made the decision to stop drinking whether you have one drink a week tice that society revolves around alco- and using drugs, I began to feel better or 50. So if you’re afraid of determin- hol and other drugs. We are constant- physically and see much clearer. I ing whether or not you’re an alcoholic, ly being fed advertisements and me- found friends, activities, and an entire save the labels for later and give so- dia that are geared towards drinkers life outside of my addiction. It was briety a try. and send the message that we need anything but boring, it was exciting to drink to numb emotions and cope and freeing. 5. Sobriety is not a sign of weak- with life. Once I stopped drinking I ness: We often come into sobriety quickly found out that sobriety is not 2. Sobriety is not easy: Too bad we feeling bad about ourselves, wonder- the norm. Being sober is different and can’t just snap our fingers and be so- ing why we can’t drink like others can. it feels good to make this choice for ber. Life and sobriety would be so I felt weak and inadequate and asked myself. In a world where everyone much easier. Unfortunately, sobriety myself, “What’s wrong with me?” In drinks and uses, it takes a special is not easy, it’s hard. You’ll have to recovery, I’ve learned that sobriety is person to stand up and be sober. feel emotions, get through hard days, not a sign of a weakness, it’s actually and learn a whole new way of being one of the bravest things someone 9. Sobriety is not just about quit- you. At first this can seem like a can do. It takes courage and heart to ting alcohol and drugs: It was a daunting task, but luckily we don’t admit you have a problem and to take wake up call when I heard that sobrie- have to complete it all in one day. So- steps toward change. You’re not ty does not begin and end with absti- briety is a process and a lifelong jour- weak, you’re strong for making a nence from drugs and alcohol. It’s ney that takes hard work and dedica- great decision for your life. much more than that. Becoming so- tion. It’s worth every second that you ber allows you to get in touch with put into it. 6. Sobriety is not something to be who you really are, to make amends ashamed of: There is still stigma to those you have hurt in the past, to 3. Sobriety is not the end of your associated with addiction, and there- learn new coping mechanisms, and life: It’s common to think, “I’m sober fore, sobriety. You may run into reac- how to deal with everyday life. It’s a and my life is over.” We often associ- tions from people that include as- complete transformation of the mind, ate parties and anything fun in life sumptions that you’re an addict, that body, and soul. (continued on p. 12)

SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org 11 10 THINGS…(cont. from p. 11)

10. Sobriety is not for everyone: With all of this being said, it’s fair to say that sobriety isn’t for everyone. That’s because it takes commitment, honesty, faith, and working through a lot of pain. It requires facing yourself head on. It requires dedication and time, and not everyone is ready to give what is needed. If you no longer enjoy the way drugs and alcohol are making you feel, sobriety is for you. Sobriety is not boring, it can be the first step to the rest of your life. https://www.thefix.com/10-things-sobriety-not

January 1: Bob. 1943: Columbus Dispatch re- IT HAPPENED ports 1st Anniversary of Co- January 23: lumbus AA IN JANUARY 1961: Bill W. sent an appre- 1946: The A.A. Grapevine ... ciation letter to Dr. increased the cost of a year's January 10: for his contribution to A.A. subscription to $2.50. 1940: 1st AA meeting not in 1948: First A.A. meeting was a home meets at King School, January 24: held in Japan, (English speak- Akron, Ohio. 1918: Bill Wilson and Lois ing.) Burnham were married, days January 13: before he was sent to Europe January 2: 2003: Dr. Earle Marsh, au- in WW I. 1889: Bridget Della Mary thor of "Physician Heal Thy- 1945: 1st black group St. Gavin () was self," sober 49 years, died Louis born in Ireland. 1971: Bill Wilson died in Mi- January 15: ami, Florida January 3: 1937: Fitz M brings AA meet- 1939: First sale of Works ings to Washington DC. January 25: Publishing Co. stock was rec- 1915: Dr. married orded. 1945: First A.A. meeting Anne Ripley. 1941: Jack Alexander told held in Springfield, Missouri. Bill Wilson the 1948: Polk Health Center Al- January 26: would be in his Saturday coholic Clinic for Negroes 1971: New York Evening Post article on A.A. started operations with 14 Times published Bill Wilson's willing subjects. The Wash- obituary on page 1. January 4: ington Black Group of A.A. co- 1940: First A.A. group was operated with the clinic. January 30: founded in Detroit, Michigan. 1961: Dr. Carl Jung answers 1941: Bill and Lois Wilson January 17: Bill's letter with "Spiritus drove to Bedford Hills, NY, to 1919: 18th amendment, Contra Spiritum." see and "Prohibition," became law. broke in through an unlocked 1938: Jim Burwell, author of window. January 19: "The Vicious Cycle," a former 1940: First A.A. group met in atheist, gave A.A. "God as we January 5: Detroit, Mich. understand Him." 1939: Dr Bob tells Ruth Hock 1943: Canadian newspaper 1944: Dr. Harry Tiebout's in a letter that AA has "to get reported eight men met at a first paper on the subject of away from the Oxford Group Toronto restaurant, to discuss "Alcoholics Anonymous". atmosphere". starting Canada's first A.A. 1944: Onset of Bill's 11 years 1941: Bill Wilson told Jack group. of depression. Alexander that Jack was "the toast of A. A. -- in Coca Cola, January 20: 1951: The A.A. Grapevine of course." 1954: Hank Parkhurst, au- published a memorial issue on thor of "The Unbeliever" in the Dr. Bob. January 7: first edition of the Big Book, 1984: "Pass it On" was died in Pennington, NJ. 1984: "Pass It On," the story published on this date. of Bill W. and how the A.A. January 8: January 21: message reached the world, 1938: New York A.A. split 1951: A.A. Grapevine pub- was published. from the Oxford Group. lished memorial issue on Dr. https://www.a-1associates.com › aa › HISTORY_PAGE › dates SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org 12 SMIA MEETING MINUTES Bridging the year after looking at his tally Gap: Chuck sheet, John wasn’t able to DECEMBER 14, 2019 G., reported provide a final report for the Opening: The meeting was that he had 3 calls all 3 we November Dinner at this opened by Pat S. with the responded too. Chuck also time. . mentioned that there was a Serenity Breakfast: No need for volunteers in the New Members and Visi- report. The slogans below are in a simple sub- Lexington Park area if any- tors: Terry Waldorf Group stitution code. One set of letters has one was interested please Picnic: No report been substituted for the correct letters Board Members and Com- contact him. Where and When: Pat P. of the words. If A stands for T in one mittee Chair Present: Pat Bookstall: Keenan W. stat- provided Where and When’s slogan, it will be the same for all seven S. Chairperson, Janine G. ed book sales for the month for the group Pat stated that slogans. Vice Chairperson, Bruce O. of November were $376.10. it was time to update again Parliamentarian, Buddy F. Keenan also stated he will would everyone Please take 1 - BFG LSJ SR S Secretary, Cora W. Treasur- need volunteers for the the time to check through er, Keith H. Lifeline, Emme RWOG 2020 Roundup and look for any mistakes in J. Telephone, John M. Grat- the Where and When’s any itude Dinner Pat P. Where Telephone: Emme J. stated changes can be sent to and When and Keenan W. we had a total of 7 calls for smia.whereandwhen@somd Bookstall the month, 4 looking for a.org. rides 3 wanting to talk. A.A. SMIA Chair Report: Pat S. 2 - G S Z J L B G Z WR Hotline, New Caller ID (800 Old Business: Cora W. asked for a volunteer to -492-0209). Bruce O. has stated that she was still submit a Service Biography determined that changing working with the bank to for the January Lifeline. Pat our billing option with An- resolve the issue concern- S. also stated that Mount safone would not benefit in ing our tax status. Olive Church has requested cost so we our still search- that we (SMIA) carry Liabil- New Business: Chuck G. 3 - N G G C W R ing for a less costly provid- ity Insurance Pat stated she mentioned the possibility of ZWOCUG er. had been in contact with changing locations if the AAWS and our incoming Lifeline: Keith stated things insurance was too costly Area 29 Delegate and that were going well Looking for Chuck stated that he would we must come up with some people to share about how check with Trinity United type of policy. Pat S. also and when their homegroup Methodist Church and Laura stated that she has been in started and share the histo- B. stated that she would 4 - U W M G S F L contact with another SMIA ry behind their group. Also check the local Community U G R U W M G group to see what type of looking for someone to write Center Hotline phone Service they a Service Bio for the Life- Pat S. stated that she will be had to see if it was benefi- line. Remember that flyers in contact with other SMIA cial for our Group to use cannot be submitted on a Groups to get feedback for instead of our current pro- full page. Keith was ap- the Telephone service. vider proached by a support 5 - O W F L J B Q A group called SMILE and that Dan H. has a question BPF EQZWFGZZ SMIA Vice Chair Report: they were looking for a Pub- about the Treasurer’s report Janine G. no report at this lic Information presentation there is money taken out time. for their clients with alcohol monthly for insurance but problems. Will follow up Cora W. wasn’t sure what Secretary’s Report: Buddy and update group at next that policy was for. Cora F. gave Secretary’s report meeting. stated she would find out 6 - CABVAGZZ FBR for November 2019, Secre- what it is. CGAXGDRWBF tary’s report was accepted Website: No report. For the good of the Order: read. Corrections and Treat- ment: Calvert: Charles: St Adjournment: The meeting Treasurer’s Report: Cora W. gave Treasurers report Mary’s: No report. was adjourned at 11:02 am with the Responsibility for November 2019, the PI/CPC: Calvert; Charles; Pledge. Treasurer’s report was ac- St. Mary’s no report. 7 - RTWFN cepted as read. Submitted by Buddy F., Gratitude Dinner: John M. SMIA Secretary SMIA Chair Reports. mentioned that ticket sales Archives: No Report. will go up for the Diner next http://www.recoverygreetings.com/fun/twisters/crypto_slogans.html

SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org 13 SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org 14 DISTRICT 35 - CHARLES COUNTY DISTRICT 1 CALVERT COUNTY OPEN SERVICE POSITIONS: • Hospitality Chair • Communications Chair • Grapevine Rep District Meeting: 7 PM, 1st Thursday Peace Lutheran Church Waldorf MD PO Box 1981, La Plata, MD District Meeting: 20646 7 PM, 3rd Monday St. Paul’s Episc. Church Prince Frederick, DISTRICT 36 - ST. MARY'S COUNTY MD District Meeting: 6:30 PM, 2nd Tuesday District 1 Trust Fund @ Hollywood Rescue Squad Bldg., Holly- PO Box 234 wood Barstow, MD 20610 PO Box 1334, California, MD 20619 www.calvertaa.org

CO-CHAIRS NEEDED FOR SERVICE COMMITTEES JOIN US @ NEXT MEETING: JANUARY 11, 10AM

SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org 15 WHAT DO WE WANT?

Do we want more of what brought us to AA?... We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional na- tures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people—was not a basic solution of these bedevilments more important ... ? 2nd, 3rd, and 4th edition Big Book page 52

... or do we want what practicing the principles of AA promises? If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self- seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations “Let us always love the best which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could in others - and never fear not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being ful- filled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we their worst.” Bill Wilson, The Language of the Heart work for them. 2nd, 3rd, and 4th edition Big Book page 83 & 84 Want to Need a Meeting Total County Other* SMIA PHONE REPORT Talk Ride Info Calls DECEMBER 2019 Calvert

Charles 1 1 2 RECOVERY. You must St. Mary’s 1 1 be present to win. Not Speci- fied 1 1

Total Calls 2 1 1 4

SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP ASSOCIATION Our primary purpose is to help the still suffering alco- CHAIR: Pat S. holic. SMIA is committed to VICE CHAIR: Jeanine W. this principle and provides a SECRETARY: Buddy F. TREASURER: Cora W. 24x7 Telephone Service. We PARLIAMENTARIAN: Bruce O. need phone volunteers! Go Where & When: Pat P. to our website, Lifeline: Keith H. www.somdintergroup.org. Telephone: Emme J. Click on the Phone List link, complete the online Website: Bill L. form - this is a secure method to add your name to Bookstall: Keenan W. the 12-Step Call List. This protected information is The Lifeline is an unofficial newsletter published by Southern Mar- only shared with the Phone Committee Chair. You yland Intergroup Association, Inc. Any opinions expressed are those of the writers. They are not endorsed by SMIA, any group or AA as will be amazed before you’re half way through. a whole. Group secretaries and individuals are encouraged to send group news, anniversaries and events. Material may be edited for Please send any updates for the Where & When to: space and content. Please send all Lifeline correspondence to: [email protected]. [email protected] Current meeting guides are available at the

THE DEADLINE FOR ALL LIFELINE SUBMISSIONS IS THE 27th monthly SMIA meeting on a limited basis. OF EACH MONTH. “Our leaders are but trusted servants, they do not govern.”

SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org 16