Jan 2020 Lifeline
Total Page:16
File Type:pdf, Size:1020Kb
I am responsi- ble when any- JANUARY 2020 Volume 44, No. 1 one, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there, and for that I am respon- sible. life·line | \ ˈlīf-ˌlīn : 1. A rope or line used for life-saving, typically one thrown to rescue someone in difficulties in water. 2. A thing on which someone depends for a means of escape from a difficult situation. https://en.oxforddictionaries.com You Don’t Need New Year's Resolutions in Recovery - Maybe living your program is enough A step aerobics class teacher at my gym used to call January 20 "Reality Day", because most of the folks who made New Year's resolutions about going to the gym every single day and finally getting in shape…had drifted away by January 20. Less than three weeks into the new year, the gym was back to the regulars. Sound familiar? We have two traditions in our society: • One is of setting life-changing New Year's resolutions for ourselves, typically focused on dropping the weight, drinking less, living on a budget, finding Mr. or Ms. Right, and so on. • And we have a second tradition, closely tied to the first. It's called abandoning our over-reaching resolutions typically within a couple of days of setting them, feeling guilt and despair, and then giv- ing up entirely. I'm here to suggest that this year, instead of setting resolutions, which really is just a diabolical meth- od for setting ourselves up to fail, maybe living your program is enough. And if you really do want to set a resolution of some kind, I've got some great news, people in Twelve Step recovery actually do New Year's resolutions better than just about anybody. Why? (continued on page 2) to be as comfortable in his last days as possible. LOSS IN SOBRIETY. And while my hopes for his recovery didn’t come true, my hopes and prayers for him to be comforta- Over the past few months, the fellowship has lost ble did. At that living wake, we (there were lots of us some of its long-time members. Friends around me there!) got to tell him and show him that we loved have lost folks who were way too young to pass him. I got to tell him that he had made a huge posi- from us. I guess it is supposed to be that way—life on Earth tive difference in my life. After my friend passed, there was also does come to a conclusion for all living things. Knowing that a memorial service for him. It had laughter and some tears. It death is the normal order of things doesn’t seem to help me had stories of dedication, service and love. His friends, family, feel better. A list of the “classic” stages of grief is: 1) Denial, 2) sponsees, sponsor, and employees all participated. There was Anger, 3) Bargaining, 4) Depression, 5) Acceptance. I have some closure to a life too short but a life well lived. In the end, I found myself in those stages for periods as people have lost have come to acceptance. I’m reminded in the rooms of AA their battles with diseases, have passed suddenly, or finally that acceptance does not mean liking something, it means ac- succumbed to advanced age. One member, who had been knowledging what is true. And when that truth becomes part of fighting cancer for a period of time, had the grace to have a me, I can once again find some peace and serenity. The Big “living wake” for himself while he was still alive. He had let us Book says (Pg. 84) “And we have ceased fighting anything or know that he was ill and that gave us time to progress through anyone…” My friend is gone from his Earthly life. I know that he those stages. There were prayers and hopes for his recovery. wants us to keep up the altruistic work he was doing here. And There were opportunities to see him—and, unfortunately, to that while it is okay for me to mourn his loss, I need to remem- see the disease progress in him. Yet there was always a fellow- ber the twinkle in his eye, his knowing grin, and that a certain ship around him, giving encouragement and comfort. I always paragraph at the bottom of page 129 in the Big Book will al- had hope—at first hope for his recovery and, later, hope for him ways be his to read. Anonymous https://aasanjose.org/wp-content/ SOUTHERN MARYLAND INTERGROUP 1-800-492-0209 www.somdintergroup.org (You Don’t Need...con't from p. 1) days, or to attend one meeting a you get through a moment. We week for a set period of time. were "keeping calm and…" long Because we don't set them, in- This isn't by accident. Those of us before the word "meme" meant stead we work a program that who have achieved long-term re- something other than a kid want- allows, encourages and pretty covery understand that change ing to be picked first for teams. much requires us to live our doesn't happen overnight, but These seemingly simple mantras lives one day at a time. change can happen in one day. are in fact full of wisdom and can Change Takes Time And the next one day. And the help even us old-timers get Just like you don't have to get to next. That's right, change happens through any given day. Some of the gym every day to get fit, you over time, by repeating a behav- my favorites include: don't have to do anything perfect- ior, learning new skills and under- • "Turn it over": whatever you're ly, except, of course, Step One in standing how to apply them, day going through—and ask your whatever program you are in. And by day. Not by randomly selecting Higher Power for help. guess what? You start off each a date (January 1 for instance) • "Think": don't just operate on and every day with Step One. and declaring it the day of change. automatic pilot. Why do we focus on one day at a Recovery is About Pro- • "First things first": do what you time? Because when we resolve gress Not Perfection need to do, and only then do what to take a major step, we are often Twelve Step recovery is not about you want to do. resorting to black and white, pass setting goals. It's just about getting • "Live and let live": quit trying to and fail thinking. This is standard through the day without our drug control everyone around you, and operating procedure for addicts or addictive activity of choice, and go enjoy your own life. and alcoholics, and it seems as trying to be a better person at the • "But for the grace of God": though everyone else in society same time, with the help of a just think of where your life would joins us in this manner of thinking Higher Power. be if you hadn't cleaned up. at this time of year. One of the big- My late sponsor, Milton D., used • "Easy does it": but do it! gest problems with this all or noth- to say that the doctor's credo of Three more "mantras" or "rules" ing thinking is that we set our- "first do no harm" ought to apply to that help us simplify or categorize selves up to fail. those with addictions as well. "If the "why" behind each of the We don't stay clean, sober, or ab- an alcoholic [or addict] gets Twelve Steps are "Trust God. stinent a year at a time, or even a through the day without hurting Clean House. Help Others." All month at a time. Instead, it's a somebody," he would say, "they Twelve Steps fit into one of those day, or sometimes an hour, or had a pretty good day." three rules, so it really can be that even a single breath at a time. I'm not saying aim low, but I am simple. I'm definitely not saying it's Seems like those are the time suggesting we aim for what's pos- easy, but it is simple. frames we can really handle. sible. The operative phrase, or So here's my suggestion for New Most people who come to Alcohol- slogan, for many in Twelve Step Year's resolutions: don't make ics Anonymous or other Twelve fellowship is "just for today." So any. Then on January 20, and July Step programs didn't get clean instead of saying, "This whole 20, and December 20, for that and sober after their very first year, I will (or I won't) …" You matter, you'll be able to look your- meeting. It took time for the denial might say, "Just for today, I'm go- self in the mirror and say the one to seep out and for the program to ing to eat in a healthy manner." Or thing that no one else in America seep in. "I won't spend money I don't can: "I didn't break a single one of In the program, we encourage have." Or maybe "I'll do the best I my New Year's resolutions!" newcomers to try each meeting six can." "Because I choose to live one day different times before they decide Getting Through the at a time." if it's the right meeting for them.