1 Table of Contents Our Mass Introduction Partake With My Lips and My Heart Parody Songs have immense power. Pentecost The Purpose of this Lyric Book Preach on the Mass My Story Priest Weird Al Yankovic R.C.I.A. Religious Conversion Repent Writing My Own Parody Songs Rudolph Parody The Breakthrough Salad Bowl The Road To A Time To Laugh Scripture Eternal Life: The Party Album and I The Searching Wanna Be Debated Should I Stand Or Should I Kneel What's Happened Since Then Steuby East Lyrics Suicide Hotline Afflicted With Bugs Teaching Them To Read Call Our Lady Teasin' Careless Blunder That's When He Told Me Confiteor Thérèse Of Lisieux Confession These Beads Don't Believe Lies This Time of Forty Days Don’t Take That Crown Tithe After Tithe Ecumenical Tradition (500 Years) Evangelize Transubstantiation Get Canonized A Saint We Want God (wo) God Knows My Needs We Want To Stand United Holy Thursday Why Can’t I Be I Got Me Kneeling Conclusion I Got You Saved Appendix I Wanna Be Debated How to Do the R.C.I.A. I'm Pro-Life Skits Internet Bloggers Should I Stand Or Should I Kneel IXΘYΣ (say “Ich-thus”) Ichthus Parody Skit Knights of Columbus We Want to Stand United The Leper Song (Explanation) Love That Someone Right Song Indexes Melt Me Parody Order Monastery Trip Artist Order My Heart's At Mass Date Order Nahum, Zephaniah, Malachi Theme Order Nicene Creed Nick Alexander Booking Old Time Gregorian Chant 2 Introduction Parody Songs have immense power. If there's one thing I've learned after nearly two decades in crafting and performing parody songs, it's that parody songs have immense power. If done right, the parody songs can very well be the right ingredient to liven up a talk or speech, can create a greater connection between the speaker and the audience, and can instill lessons deep inside, long after the event has passed. I recall a professional speaker, teaching how to give a quality keynote presentation, talking about the necessity to introduce humor early on, so that you could connect with an audience. However, if the audience was extremely tough, like an assembly of junior high school students, that comedic opening sequence would likely dominate the majority of one's presentation, lest you lose that specific audience. The genius of parody songs is that you get to devour your cotton candy and prime rib at the same time. I don't believe parody songs are acceptable in any forum, mind you. It is obvious that parody songs are useful in very particular environments, like a youth retreat, a teacher's classroom, or even a national conference. When you are in a position to instill a very particular point, and this point is quite foreign to your particular audience, you would want to find all the ways you can to connect that point to them. The benefits of a parody song--it's inherent comic potential, it's relatability to the audience, the tonal contrast to an actual talk, and the pure fun of the exercise--all of these contribute to the effectiveness of the parody. Years after I have given a presentation, people would still be hearing a muzac'd pop hit through the speakers as they walk through a shopping mall or be at a gas station pumping gas. And they would remember the comedy songs that I had introduced to them, based off of that pop melody. And inherent in those songs would be life lessons that they can still carry along with them. There is no reason why anybody--with a sense of daring-do, with minimal musicality, with a drive to bring home a message they are passionate about--cannot use the techniques inherent in this eBook to bring about effective parody songs in your own circles. Furthermore, with the dawn of YouTube and viral videos, you can work with the resources in your community and craft your own comedic/teaching-resource hybrid. 3 The Purpose of this Lyric Book My goal of this lyric book is to lay bare both my published and non-published parody songs over these past fifteen years. I hope it to accomplish several things. Because of the rise of digital media, a number of people have been clamoring for lyrics to my songs. Here it is, all in one place. I hope that these songs will first and foremost, entertain you, and make you laugh out loud. I hope that the byproduct of these aspirations towards comedy greatness would be the memorization of central concepts of our Catholic-Christian faith. Too much of our faith today has ignored apologetics and reason, and I hope that the combination of funny lyrics and a catchy tune would aid in memorization of our central tenets. I hope that lyrics like these--both the good and the bad--may inspire future parody songwriters as to how to strive for that balance between honoring the original song, tackling serious subject matter and discovering your shade of humor. The world is in dire need of your talents. Also, it goes without saying, that these songs can serve as an impetus for youth group projects, like integration into skits, or maybe even a viral video. You have my permission to pursue such. What This Book Can Do For You. What you hold before you is a book listing most every parody song that I have ever written. Most of these songs were recorded, but a good percentage were not. (Some of the real lousy ones, I have done you a great favor and ignored them entirely). In addition to the lyrics, I have provided an analysis of the song, either from a topical perspective, or that of craft. I wanted to get behind the meaning of every song, so that you could understand what subject matter the songs can accompany when preparing a presentation. I have also provided some analysis of the craft of parody writing; this way you get to see my process at work, so you can apply some of the same principles in your own attempts to parody songs. One caveat; this is not a book disseminating information about the legality of the proper use of parody songs. Legal understandings of parody vary over time, and while I have a strong opinion as to what constitutes parody and what constitutes property theft (as I strive gallantly towards the former), I think it is better to get this information from better sources, like This Business of Music by M. William Krasilovsky, Sidney Shemel, John M Gross and Jonathan Feinstein. Let's begin! 4 My Story Years ago, I was a junior high student who was invited to join a youth group in my church, that met every other Sunday night. In this particular youth group, once we had settled down, out came the overhead projector and we all had a time of singing songs. I wouldn't call it praise and worship, not at that time, because the songs chosen were a mix between fun folk songs from a bygone era with that of worship songs. One song in particular was a favorite: "If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the mo- orning." To my thirteen-year old mind, all political aspirations were left on the floor; it was simply a fun song advocating peace and harmony. But then… the lead musician started the third verse with a gleam in his eye. This verse wasn't in the overhead projection. It wasn't from the official lyrics. The lead musician went "off-script", and us adolescents were more than happy to take the ride with him. "If I had a cow; I'd milk him in the mo-orning I'd milk him in the evening; all over my ha-and. I'd milk out butter. I'd milk out crea—m cheese I'd milk out cottage cheese, all that I can squeeze [grimace] All… over my ha-and. Woo-oo". I may have heard parody songs before, but this was the first time I had enjoyed one in the context of a youth group meeting. Little did I know then, a seed had been planted for me. Weird Al Yankovic Around that same time I would become a fan of "Weird Al" Yankovic. Here was a person whose big break came about when he had sent cassette tapes to the Dr. Demento show through the mail. He had a couple of minor songs, namely "My Bologna" and "Another One Rides the Bus", but I hadn't discovered him until his videos for "Ricky" and "I Love Rocky Road" came to HBO's "Video Jukebox". A short time later, he had spoofed Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, with "Eat It", his hysterical ode to finishing one's plate. This was to be his biggest hit for over two decades. One of my earliest concerts I had attended was to see "Weird Al", who was to play at the legendary Beacon theater in New York City. Posters of the event (where he had mocked Bruce Springsteen's signature pose) were plastered all over scaffolds and buildings near where I had lived (in lower Manhattan, circa mid-80s). I had a chance to meet-and-greet him beforehand (he was hawking a VHS tape of his first collection of videos), and when I shook his hand, I offered one of my parody ideas. He gratefully declined (and good thing too, I look back at what I would've suggested and I cringe today).