Masteroppgave Audrey Stark
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Polyamory – A Labor of Love Boundary Work and Legitimization of Non-Normative Intimate Relationships Audrey Stark Master’s Thesis in Sociology Department of Sociology and Human Geography UNIVERSITY OF OSLO June 2015 I II Polyamory – A Labor of Love Boundary Work and Legitimization of Non-Normative Intimate Relationships Audrey Stark III © Audrey Stark 2015 Polyamory – A Labor of Love Boundary Work and Legitimization of Non-Normative Intimate Relationships Audrey Stark http://www.duo.uio.no Print: The University Print Centre, University of Oslo IV Abstract Polyamory is a relatively new concept that is receiving an increasing amount of attention in research, popular culture and in society at large. Although polyamory has been, and continues to be, conceptualized in a number of different ways, there is agreement that it involves intimate relationships that are not limited to two people. As such, polyamory stands in contrast to the mononormative notion, in contemporary Western culture, that such relationships should be restricted to the realm of monogamous coupledom. Those who identify as polyamorous or engage in polyamorous practice contest monogamy in their daily lives through the way they understand love and the way they form affective relationships. This thesis examines the culture of polyamory in a Scandinavian context, where there, thus far, has been limited research on the subject. My exploration is based on the following research questions: 1) What are the most important narratives that emerge in the accounts of those who are affiliated with the culture of polyamory? 2) What elements characterize those narratives and what meanings do these individuals attach to these elements? 3) And finally, how do they use these narratives to create symbolic boundaries in an effort to present polyamory as a legitimate way of doing relationships? To answer these questions, I use a combination of naturally occurring and researcher-provoked data, drawing on online conversation threads, interviews and participant observation. Ann Swidler’s view of culture as a repertoire of resources serves as the theoretical backdrop for the analysis in this study. Drawing on Sveinung Sandberg and Willy Pedersen, I consider polyamory to be a subculture in the sense that it is provides a set of cultural resources, which can be utilized by the individuals affiliated with the subculture. My analysis of participants’ boundary work rests on Michèle Lamont’s understanding of symbolic boundaries. These boundaries are linked to the establishment of in-groups and out-groups and determinations of status and legitimacy. I draw on Henri Taifel and John C. Turner to give extra insight into the process of how participants determine comparative dimensions and relevant comparison groups in their legitimization efforts. In the analysis, I identify three main narratives: 1) the narrative of polyamorous love, 2) the narrative of honesty, and 3) the narrative of relationship competence. I find that these narratives are activated by the participants in the construction of boundaries between V themselves and three main groups. The narrative of polyamorous love and the narrative of relationship competence are used by participants to differentiate themselves from specific sub-groups of monogamous individuals who are seen to be either lacking in critical thinking about relationships or complacent in their relationships, or both. These two narratives serve also as resources in participants’ boundary work toward those who engage in sexual relationships of a more casual nature (promiscuity, swinging, open relationships). The narrative of honesty is activated by participants in their efforts to differentiate themselves from individuals who engage in infidelity. VI Acknowledgements The exploration of polyamory has been both exciting and challenging. I particularly enjoyed the data generation phase of the study, which allowed me to meet many new and interesting people. Thus, I would like to thank all the participants in this study who kindly gave of their time and candidly shared their thoughts and experiences with me. I extend a special thanks to the individual who served as the gatekeeper for this study. Without your positive attitude from the very beginning, I would not even have been able to start this project, let alone finish it. I am also very grateful to my advisor, Anne Krogstad. Thank you for your positive attitude, constructive and thorough feedback and for your ability to give that feedback on such short notice! I am also particularly grateful for your gentle nudging toward the end of this project, encouraging me to finish this thesis on time. Those to whom I am most indebted, however, are my husband and my daughter. Thank you both, very much, for your patience and support. VII VIII Table of Contents 1 Introduction .............................................................................................................................. 1 1.1 The Concept of Polyamory .......................................................................................................... 3 1.2 Polyamory in Norway – Getting to Know the Field ............................................................. 6 1.2.1 PolyNorge .................................................................................................................................................... 7 1.2.2 Online Social Media ................................................................................................................................. 7 1.2.3 Poly-Gatherings ......................................................................................................................................... 8 1.3 Outline of Thesis ............................................................................................................................ 9 2 Social Norms for Intimate Relationships ...................................................................... 10 2.1 Heteronormativity ...................................................................................................................... 10 2.2 Mononormativity ........................................................................................................................ 13 2.2.1 Scientific Discourse .............................................................................................................................. 13 2.2.2 Western Ideas of Romance and Love ............................................................................................ 15 2.3 Scandinavia – “Land of the Midnight Sin?” ......................................................................... 16 2.3.1 Premarital Sex, Cohabitation and Adolescent Sex .................................................................. 17 2.3.2 Homosexuality ........................................................................................................................................ 18 2.3.3 Parallel Sexual Relationships ........................................................................................................... 19 2.3.4 Tolerant and Permissive Sexual Culture? ................................................................................... 20 3 Polyamory – A New and Contested Concept ................................................................ 22 3.1 General Overview of Academic Literature ......................................................................... 22 3.2 Relevant Literature .................................................................................................................... 23 3.2.1 Tenets of Polyamory ............................................................................................................................ 23 3.2.2 Differentiation From Infidelity and Other Forms of Non-Monogamy ............................ 27 3.2.3 Comparing Polyamory and Monogamy ....................................................................................... 29 3.2.4 Perceptions of Consensual Non-Monogamy and Polyamory ............................................. 29 4 Methods and Data ................................................................................................................. 33 4.1 Methodological Approach ........................................................................................................ 33 4.2 Gaining Access .............................................................................................................................. 33 4.3 Data Generation and Epistemological Issues .................................................................... 34 4.3.1 Internet Resources ............................................................................................................................... 35 4.3.2 Fieldwork – Participant Observation ........................................................................................... 37 4.3.3 Interviews ................................................................................................................................................. 40 4.3.4 Coding and Preparation for Analysis ............................................................................................ 41 4.3.5 Overview of Participants .................................................................................................................... 41 4.4 Researcher’s Role and Relationship to Participants ....................................................... 43 4.5 Ethical Considerations .............................................................................................................