POWER & CONTROL in Relationships

When one person in a relationship repeatedly scares, hurts or puts down the other person, it is . The Power & Control Wheel lists examples of each form of abuse. Remember, abuse is much more than slapping or grabbing someone.

MINIMIZATION INTIMIDATION & BLAME

not accepting responsibility for your yelling or screaming using a actions making a joke when threatening tone talking down you hurt your partner telling threatening to hurt yourself your partner everything is their or your partner making your fault acting like abuse partner feel afraid tearing is okay in the up pictures smashing relationship gifts destroying POSSESSIVENESS objects SEXUAL ABUSE

using as a sign of bragging about your sexual relationship accusing your partner of cheating on comparing your partner to past partners you not letting your partner have other flirting to make your partner jealous friends telling your partner how to think, POWER using drugs/alcohol to get sex dress, and act pressuring your partner rape &

HUMILIATION CONTROL PHYSICAL ABUSE putting your partner down calling your WHEEL holding your partner so that they can’t leave partner names constant criticism slamming them into a wall or locker making your partner fell like they are hurting your partner where bruises crazy humiliating your partner in don’t show grabbing front of people making your DOMINATION THREATS slapping hitting partner feel guilty shoving punching embarrassing your kicking treating your partner like saying you can’t live partner a baby, property, or servant without your partner making all of the decisions telling your partner you will having expectations that no leave them somewhere if they don’t one can meet controlling who do what you say constantly your partner sees or spends time with threatening to find someone else setting all of the rules in the saying you will commit suicide if relationship you break up

A relationship full of control is really out of control! Adapted from: Reaching & Teaching Teens Nebraska & Sexual Assault Coalition 1995 EQUALITY in Dating Relationships

A strong dating relationship is based on EQUALITY and RESPECT, not power and control. Think about how you treat - and want to be treated by - someone you care about. Compare the examples of an equality based relationship listed below with those on the Power & Control Wheel.

HONESTY OPEN & RESPONSIBILITY COMMUNICATION

not making excuses for your partner’s, being able to express your feelings or for your own actions admitting or opinions knowing it’s okay to when you are wrong keeping disagree saying what you your word not canceling mean and meaning what plans you say TRUST & SUPPORT INTIMACY

being supportive wanting the respecting your partner’s boundaries best for your partner knowing your respecting each other’s privacy partner likes you offering not pressuring your partner encouragement when necessasary being faithful being okay with your partner having different friends EQUALITY

RESPECT WHEEL PHYSICAL AFFECTION

paying attention to your partner - even when holding hands hugging kissing your friends are around valuing your sitting or standing with your arm on partner’s opinion even if it differs from your partner’s shoulder respecting yours listening to what your each other’s right to say no partner has to say asking before acting SHARED FAIRNESS RESPONSIBILITY & NEGOTIATION

making decisions together accepting change being splitting or alternating the costs willing to compromise working on dates doing things for each to find solutions that are agreeable to other going places you both both people agreeing to enjoy giving as much as disagree sometimes you receive

In the strongest relationships, respect can’t be beat! Adapted from: Reaching & Teaching Teens Nebraska Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Coalition 1995