POWER & CONTROL in Dating Relationships When one person in a relationship repeatedly scares, hurts or puts down the other person, it is abuse. The Power & Control Wheel lists examples of each form of abuse. Remember, abuse is much more than slapping or grabbing someone. MINIMIZATION INTIMIDATION & BLAME not accepting responsibility for your yelling or screaming ! using a actions ! making a joke when threatening tone ! talking down you hurt your partner ! telling threatening to hurt yourself your partner everything is their or your partner making your fault ! acting like abuse partner feel afraid tearing is okay in the up pictures smashing relationship gifts ! destroying POSSESSIVENESS objects SEXUAL ABUSE using jealousy as a sign of love bragging about your sexual relationship ! accusing your partner of cheating on ! comparing your partner to past partners you ! not letting your partner have other ! flirting to make your partner jealous friends ! telling your partner how to think, POWER ! using drugs/alcohol to get sex dress, and act pressuring your partner ! rape & HUMILIATION CONTROL PHYSICAL ABUSE putting your partner down ! calling your WHEEL holding your partner so that they can’t leave partner names ! constant criticism ! slamming them into a wall or locker ! making your partner fell like they are ! hurting your partner where bruises crazy ! humiliating your partner in don’t show ! grabbing front of people ! making your DOMINATION THREATS slapping ! hitting partner feel guilty shoving ! punching embarrassing your ! kicking treating your partner like saying you can’t live partner a baby, property, or servant without your partner making all of the decisions ! telling your partner you will ! having expectations that no leave them somewhere if they don’t one can meet ! controlling who do what you say ! constantly your partner sees or spends time with threatening to find someone else setting all of the rules in the ! saying you will commit suicide if relationship you break up A relationship full of control is really out of control! Adapted from: Reaching & Teaching Teens Nebraska Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Coalition 1995 EQUALITY in Dating Relationships A strong dating relationship is based on EQUALITY and RESPECT, not power and control. Think about how you treat - and want to be treated by - someone you care about. Compare the examples of an equality based relationship listed below with those on the Power & Control Wheel. HONESTY OPEN & RESPONSIBILITY COMMUNICATION not making excuses for your partner’s, being able to express your feelings or for your own actions ! admitting or opinions ! knowing it’s okay to when you are wrong ! keeping disagree saying what you your word ! not canceling mean and meaning what plans you say TRUST & SUPPORT INTIMACY being supportive ! wanting the respecting your partner’s boundaries best for your partner ! knowing your respecting each other’s privacy partner likes you ! offering not pressuring your partner encouragement when necessasary being faithful being okay with your partner having different friends EQUALITY RESPECT WHEEL PHYSICAL AFFECTION paying attention to your partner - even when holding hands ! hugging kissing your friends are around valuing your ! sitting or standing with your arm on partner’s opinion even if it differs from your partner’s shoulder ! respecting yours ! listening to what your each other’s right to say no partner has to say asking before acting SHARED FAIRNESS RESPONSIBILITY & NEGOTIATION making decisions together accepting change being splitting or alternating the costs willing to compromise ! working on dates ! doing things for each to find solutions that are agreeable to other ! going places you both both people ! agreeing to enjoy ! giving as much as disagree sometimes you receive In the strongest relationships, respect can’t be beat! Adapted from: Reaching & Teaching Teens Nebraska Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Coalition 1995.