Torah-True and Feminist Too: A Psychotherapist's View of the Conflict Between Orthodox Judaism and the Women's Movement*

Aphrodite Ciamar, Ph.D. Psychotherapist, New York

. . . Historically, religions have been interpreted by men in ways that are detrimental to women, that justify their lower socio-economic status and protect men from accountability. Misused and misapplied religion has traditionally kept women in the yoke of second-class citizenship in the name of God and faith.

"May she sew, spin, weave, and be brought social consciousness, initiate social change and up to a life of good deeds." Such is the prayer question the ways in which men and women which a pious father inscribed, on the birth of relate to one another in all spheres of their a baby girl, in an old Hebrew book which was lives—be it school, work, or within the family. used as the family register. This prayer sums In the Orthodox Jewish community, which up the ideal of womanhood as cherished by the has always considered the woman and the Orthodox Jewish parents of a new-born family as the essential link in the continuity daughter. The end-all of her education was to and transmission of Jewish identity, what make the girl into a competent housewife and, happens to the family—and especially what at the same time, to build within her a happens to women—has tremendous impli­ character that would fit her for a life of "good cations. The social changes brought about by deeds." the Women's Movement are here to stay; and Today, while secular society has opened up families (in spite of all their faults) are likely to a new range of roles and psychological continue as our most basic socializing institu­ expectations to women, the status and life of tion. However, changes in how women view Orthodox Jewish women remain circumscribed themselves and their roles will have a crucial by Jewish religious law. Orthodox women face impact on the family. inequality in four areas: (1) the synagogue and In recent decades, therapists and family in participation in prayer; (2) religious counselors have been in the forefront of those education; (3) legal areas such as status in the professionals who are available to help women religious courts and divorce proceedings; and cope with, fit into, and articulate their roles (4) communal leadership. When confronted within a changing society. Slowly, Orthodox with criticism, Orthodox religious spokes­ Jewish women are turning to psychotherapy persons often resort to apologetics and for help in resolving the conflict between the defensiveness. The result is resistance by some traditional world of the home and synagogue, Orthodox Jewish women, anger, and con­ with its prescribed limits and proscribed fusion in the minds of many. behaviors, and the secular world, where the The Women's Movement, the most pro­ new status and the new opportunities created found, bloodless revolution in modern history, by the feminist revolution may be found, tried has challenged traditions, mores and vested and even enjoyed. Perhaps most importantly interests with a depth and intensity never for them, they are asking for reassessment and before felt. Its major impact has been to raise change in their ritual participation within Judaism—asking for more opportunities to * Presented at the Eighty-Seventh Annual Meeting fulfill themselves as Jews and women—not of the American Psychological Association, New less. Thus, the Orthodox women who are York, September 1-5, 1979. engaged in this movement—a small but

297 JOURNAL OF JEWISH COMMUNAL SERVICE growing number—are working for change not Within the frame-work of Orthodox by rejecting their tradition but by seeking to Judaism women lack certain legal rights. They modify it; not by attacking Jewish law but by cannot serve as witnesses in a Jewish court trying to amend it; not by repudiating custom (they are considered unreliable); they do not but by altering it; not by turning their backs on inherit equally with men; they are passive Jewish life but by attempting to enter it. figures in the wedding ceremony where they The target of these Orthodox women is are "consecrated unto their husbands;" and Judaism's traditional sex role differentiation, they cannot initiate divorce proceedings. which cites Halachic (religious) factors for Although communal pressures may be applied excluding women from entire spheres of the to force a husband to give his wife a divorce, Jewish experience. The problems Orthodox these safeguards have been known to fail, and women face in relation to their traditions are many a woman has had to wait, powerless, deep and complex. Thus Halacha, the Jewish while he controlled her fate and future. Over family structure, and her own socialization all the centuries, too, the ancient awe, fear, become obstacles in the Orthodox woman's repugnance and mythology that characterized quest for self-actualization and full member­ male attitudes toward female sexuality, ship within her religion. Many Orthodox menstruation and birthing were intricately women are trying to sort out the differences woven into the Jewish experience and Halacha. between Halachic considerations and those Thus woman became the temptress, the that have been superimposed by the secular potential entrapper of even the most pious culture. man. In a reversal of roles, male lust was Orthodox men define themselves through a assigned to women, who then had to be wide and highly respected set of activities controlled—lest they lead man away from within the synagogue and community; women, God—by imposing rigid standards of behavior on the contrary, are defined in socio-biological between men and women, by strict standards terms as wife and mother and relegated almost of modesty and dress and by seating them in exclusively to home and family life. Women specially designated areas in the synagogue are encouraged and socialized to concern behind a mechitza where their presence would themselves with serving, nurturing and home- not distract the men from prayer. making. They are exempt from particular, In Feminists for Judaism, Sheila F. Segal revered mitzvot, because of their family refers to the impact of the emotion-laden issue responsibilities, even though it is possible to of the mechitza for both sexes: share these responsibilities with their hus­ To many men it is a demarcation of the bands, and they may have more free time than domain in which they reign; to many women their working husbands to fulfill the mitzvot. it is a symbol of their own inferior status, for Nevertheless, because they are not required by it usually relegates them to the back or kicks Halacha to participate in communal prayer them upstairs to the grandstands . . . The three times a day, Orthodox Jewish women real problem is not the mechitza itself but the do not count towards a minyan nor can they attitudes it symbolizes and nurtures: that the lead a service. Within the family, women may spiritual activity of women is not as important as that of men, that they are have a necessary, even noble, role, but the soul irrelevant to the service, and that they must of traditional Judaism is communal—prayer, be kept apart because of woman's monthly sacred study and ritual obligation, pursuits uncleanness . . . The assumption that a open almost exclusively to men. As Paula woman could "contaminate" the Torah has Hyman has observed, "the synagogue is a prevailed for centuries, despite the fact that 'men's club', perhaps the most ancient in the Torah cannot be defiled by any human history."! contact. Such distortions have had insidious effects

1 Paula Hyman, "Is It Kosher to be Feminist?" —first teaching women to feel disgust over Ms, July 1974, p. 76. their own bodily functions and ultimately

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leading them to reject the tradition that Even in families where Orthodox women do nurtures such attitudes.2 not work, they often have more free time than Ms. Segal goes on to note that "most men ever before; and, in varying degrees, they are have virtually no accurate perception of the exposed to the influences of the secular world issues involved today, or even of the reasons and the effects of the Women's Movement. why women have been excluded over the They no longer accept inequalities, com­ centuries." fortable though the status quo might be after Resolving the conflict between the new centuries of conditioning. social order, with its emphasis on self-fulfill­ Thus, the Orthodox Jewish woman who ment, and the Orthodox Jewish conceptions of seeks psychotherapy today does so because legal relationships and responsibilities will not what she sees and hears in the world outside be easy. Today, increasing numbers of challenges what she has been taught to believe. Orthodox wives are working outside the home Feminist psychotherapy is particularly well- and there is a concomitant trend toward equipped to deal with these issues. The greater husband participation in home and Orthodox Jewish woman who seeks to initiate child-care. Aileen Cohen Nusbacher at change in her life through the process of Brooklyn College, who examined the attitudes psychotherapy presents many of the same and life-styles of a group of 30 middle-class basic problems as any other woman seeking Orthodox women committed to both mother­ help—a desire to strengthen her conception of hood and career goals, found that the women herself; a wish to improve the myriad layers of she studied succeeded not by minimizing the her "personna" within her unique social- conflict or by compartmentalizing roles but communal world, and the recognition of her rather because "they were determined in their worthiness as a woman and person. aspirations, encouraged by their husbands, But in addition to these fundamental needs, had mothers as models for working, and were which the great majority of women in psycho­ urged to achieve academically." therapy seek to fulfill, the Orthodox woman "The satisfactions derived from work and needs special help. She will need to gain the achievement," Ms. Nusbacher found, "rein­ inner strength to challenge the assumptions forced the desire to continue, and these and expectations which curtail her self-realiza­ women seem able to function effectively in a tion; to work creatively and positively for profession, and as mothers and wives."3 change within the confines of Halakha; she All the women in the study experienced role will need to develop an ability to assert strain; some felt guilty, others did not; many unpopular, if not heretical, notions effectively "felt bad" when they left their children to go and persuasively; she will need to feel to work; some found the special responsi­ comfortable with direct action rather than bilities of Jewish tradition difficult; all, introspection; she will need to learn how to however, were able to meet the challenge of change power relationships within the family dual roles. Eighteen of the 30 women indicated and within marriage, and she will need to that women's liberation made them feel better attain the confidence necessary to challenge about their professional roles and tempered previously unquestioned roles and stereotypes their guilt over leaving their children in order in the light of changing perceptions and to fulfill themselves. consciousness. Above all, the feminist therapist must be 2 Sheila F. Segal, "Feminists for Judaism," sensitive to the wide variety of needs and Midstream, Vol. XXI, No. 7 (August-September expectations that the Orthodox Jewish 1975), p. 62. woman's heritage brings. For example, I have 3 Aileen Cohen Nusbacher, "The Orthodox Professional Jewish Woman," M.A. Thesis in the as a patient an older divorced Orthodox Department of Sociology, Brooklyn College, Jewish woman who, after two years of January, 1977. treatment, is still struggling between assuming

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responsibility for her life and depending on her reference to women who are subject to older brothers to supplement her income and religious attitudes which inhibit their personal rent. The real struggle is between her life as she growth and fulfillment are equally applicable, was raised to expect it to be, with her husband I feel, to other strongly traditional groups—be or older brothers providing for her, and the they Eastern Orthodox, Fundamentalist depression and shame she feels because she Protestant, Mormon, Catholic or Islamic. cannot meet her own expectations of inde­ Historically, religions have been interpreted by pendence and self-reliance. She resents and is men in ways that are detrimental to women, humiliated by her need for help; at the same that justify their lower socio-economic status time she sees it as her due, as something she and protect men from accountability. Misused was brought up to accept, as a condition of life and misapplied, religion has traditionally kept itself. Of course, many divorced women with women in the yoke of second-class citizenship only limited means feel resentful at their in the name of God and faith. I strongly feel dependency and at those on whom they are that this is an area of concern to feminist dependent. I am suggesting here that this therapists who need to be ever-alert to these patient's Orthodox upbringing has created an influences in the lives of their patients, who additional conflict that must be worked must be effective in highlighting them, and through in the therapeutic process. creative in helping their patients confront and Viewed in the context of the generations of overcome them. history and traditions of Orthodox Judaism, the Women's Movement is a recent develop­ Bibliography ment; but the inner needs and conflicts which 1. Hyman, Paula, "Is It Kosher to be Feminist?", inspired it are not. Thus, the feminist therapist Ms. Magazine, July, 1974. faces the challenge of reconciling her commit­ 2. Hyman, Paula — "The Other Half: Women In ment to the dignity of her patient—including The Jewish Tradition," Conservative Judaism, her heritage, beliefs and customs—with an Vol. XXVI, No. 4, 1972. allegiance to the Women's Movement's prin­ 3. Johnson, George E. — "Halakha and Women's ciples of liberation and growth. The class is Liberation," Midstream, Vol. XX, :o. 1, between secular and religious values. It is January, 1974. important that the therapist be sensitive to this 4. Koltun, Elizabeth — The Jewish Woman, New Perspectives, Schocken Books: New York, 1976. clash and understand its effect on her patient's 5. Linzer, Norman — The Jewish Family, commis­ life. In the act of achieving this reconciliation, sion on Synagogue Relations, Federation of the feminist therapist offers the best oppor­ Jewish Philanthropies, 1972. tunity to the Orthodox Jewish woman patient 6. Segal, Sheila F. — Feminists For Judaism," for achieving her potential as an individual Midstream, Vol. XXI, No. 7, August/September, and a member of her religious community. 1975. This paper has addressed itself to the needs 7. Swidler, Leonard — Women In Judaism — The of the Orthodox Jewish woman as I have Status of Women in Normative Judaism, The experienced them in my practice and asso­ Scarecrow Press, Inc., Metuchen, New Jersey, 1976. ciations. However, the issues it raises in

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