Lawrence H. Fuchs: Beyond Patriarchy Page I

What people are saying about BEYOND PATRIARCHY “Beyond Patriarchy is an immensely timely and learned book: Timely, in that the issues of traditionalism in religious and secular life are now subject to great pressure by the new movements for sexual parity. Learned in that the subject deals with immensely complex cross-cultural issues with sensitivity and literary grace. The book provides the groundwork for Jewish continuity in a highly volatile gender environment. Above all, Fuchs is on solid ground developing the case for sexual and gender equity, not supremacy.” irving louis horowitz Editor Emeritus, Society magazine “Sure to be controversial! A daring answer to a big question—how to rear competitive, successful, but tender fathers.” william j. goode Author of World Changes in Divorce Patterns “Larry Fuchs’s central question—how do we end patriarchy without getting rid of fathers?—reflects his commitment to gender equality and to fatherhood. His ability to fuse intellectual arguments with his own passion for creating a just world is a mark of all of Fuchs’s scholarship. The book’s optimism that patriarchy is not inevitable and can change is encouraging while his focus on Jewish fathers will help us to move to- wards a model of gender studies that is inclusive of men.” shelly tenenbaum Coeditor of Feminist Perspectives on Jewish Studies “Fuchs restores the ideal of fatherhood to its honored niche within Jew- ish tradition. His work will interest scholars and general readers alike in reconstructing the history of Jewish fatherhood, articulating a contem- porary Jewish message that American society should value greatly.” steven bayme Director, William Petschek National Jewish Family Center of the American Jewish Committee “In discovering the origin and persistence of patriarchy, Lawrence Fuchs analyzes Jewish history, medieval rabbinical writings, evolution- ary psychology, cultural anthropology, popular literature, and Ameri- can ethnic history, yet he does not leave us with merely a history: his book also offers the possibility of how patriarchy can be supplanted by parental partnership. It is a book in which conservatives, liberals, femi- nists, Jews, Gentiles, Promise Keepers, and Darwinians will learn much. Beyond Patriarchy is fair-minded, clear-headed, and lucidly writ- ten. Its subject and argument cry out for popular recognition.” carl degler Author of At Odds: Women and Family in America from the Revolution to the Present “It is rare that a book of such ambitious reach achieves such impressive grasp. Fuchs challenges just about everyone who has ever thought about issues of gender and of parenting. His challenges, though always tough, are never harsh. The narrow-minded will take offense; the vast rest will learn and gain breadth, understand the world—perhaps even ourselves—better.” leonard fein Author of Where Are We? The Inner Life of America’s Jews “Can we put an end to patriarchy that does not result in a large-scale flight from fatherhood? Lawrence Fuchs is cautiously optimistic that we can, even as he acknowledges the deep roots of the patriarchal model. In this superb study, drawing on a wide range of historical, so- ciological and literary evidence, Fuchs finds support for his thesis in the Jewish patriarchal paradigm, which diminished the absolute power of males over females and called upon Jewish fathers to nurture, teach, and discipline their children. He hopes that modern men will be pre- pared to go one step further, and surrender the power of patriarchy in return for the satisfactions of a partnership approach to parenting. This is a stimulating and sure-to-be-controversial book. Fuchs tells us where we need to go, but readily admits how hard it will be to get there.” rabbi eric h. yoffie President, Union of American Hebrew Congregations Lawrence H. Fuchs: Beyond Patriarchy page i Beyond Patriarchy Lawrence H. Fuchs: Beyond Patriarchy page ii Other Books by Lawrence H. Fuchs The Political Behavior of American Jews Hawaii Pono: An Ethnic and Political History John F. Kennedy and American Catholicism Those Peculiar Americans American Ethnic Politics Family Matters The American Kaleidoscope: Race, Ethnicity, and the Civic Culture Lawrence H. Fuchs: Beyond Patriarchy page iii BEYOND PATRIARCHY JEWISH FATHERS AND FAMILIES Lawrence H. Fuchs Brandeis University Press published by university press of new england hanover and london Lawrence H. Fuchs: Beyond Patriarchy page iv Brandeis University Press Published by University Press of New England, Hanover, NH 03755 ©2000 by Lawrence H. Fuchs All rights reserved Printed in the United States of America 54321 library of congress cataloging-in-publication data Fuchs, Lawrence H. Beyond patriarchy : Jewish fathers and families / Lawrence H. Fuchs. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references (p. ) and index. isbn 0–87451–941–1 (cloth) 1. Patriarchy—Religious aspects—Judaism. 2. Jewish families–Conduct of life—History. 3. Patriarchy—History. 4. Women in Judaism—History. 5. Jewish families—United States—Social conditions. I. Title. bm627 .f83 2000 306.85'8'089924—dc21 00–008426 Lawrence H. Fuchs: Beyond Patriarchy page v Like a bird that strays from its nest, so is the man who strays from his home. prov. 27:8, 9 Listen, my son, to your fathers’s instruction, do not reject your mother’s teaching: they will be a crown of grace for your head, a circlet for your neck. prov.1:8, 9 Lawrence H. Fuchs: Beyond Patriarchy page vi blank Lawrence H. Fuchs: Beyond Patriarchy page vii CONTENTS acknowledgments ix a personal note xi prologue: Dilemmas of Patriarchy 1 PART I: Generic Patriarchy 5 chapter 1: The Biological Origins of Patriarchy? 7 chapter 2: Patriarchy and Cultural Fatherhood 13 chapter 3: Patriarchy as a System of Power 22 PART II: The Jewish Patriarchal Paradigm 29 chapter 4: Yahweh’s Incentives for Taming Males 31 chapter 5: The Sanctification of Lust 42 chapter 6: Patriarchs Who Depend on Wives 55 chapter 7: To Teach the Children Diligently 70 PART III: The Jews and Modern Patriarchy 81 chapter 8: Continuity and Change in Europe 83 chapter 9: Immigrants and Their Children, 1880–1920 101 vii Lawrence H. Fuchs: Beyond Patriarchy page viii Contents chapter 10: The Americanization of Fathers, 1920–1960 127 chapter 11: The Erosion of Patriarchy, 1960–2000 140 epilogue: Beyond Patriarchy? 153 notes 171 index 209 viii Lawrence H. Fuchs: Beyond Patriarchy page ix ACKNOWLEDGMENTS I am grateful to many people who have made this book possible, espe- cially those who took the time to read portions of the manuscript and to give me their critical advice: Joyce Antler, Steven Bayme, Marc Bret- tler, Sylvia Barack Fishman, Chae-Ran Freeze, Betty Fuchs, Victor Fuchs, Carole Hooven, Reuben Kimelman, Shulamit Magnus, Jona- than D. Sarna, Chaim Waxman, Stephen J. Whitfield, and Richard Wrangham. Michael Fishbane read an early version of several chapters. Sylvia Fishman, Victor Fuchs, Betty Fuchs, and Stephen Whitfield read the entire manuscript and made detailed suggestions and criticisms. All of the above are exempt from any responsibility for mistakes of mine. My thanks to Phil Pochoda, editor at the University Press of New England, for his extremely helpful conceptual and organizational suggestions; to April Ossman, Mr. Pochoda’s assistant; and to my long- time friend and agent, Gerard F. McCauley. I am indebted, as I have been for many years, to the administrator of the American Studies Department at Brandeis University, Angela Sime- one, and over the past two years for the assistance I have received from a Brandeis undergraduate, Bailey Giesler. I began writing this book many years ago and received able assistance from a wonderful friend and secretary, Molly Krakauer. Her job was taken up fifteen years ago by Christine Stone. Ms. Stone is a person of high literary intelligence. She has provided me with sharply critical and constructive queries and suggestions on the material of this book, my previous book, and doz- ens of articles and essays. The word invaluable is overworked, but in this case she truly deserves it. October 24, 1999 L.H.F. ix Lawrence H. Fuchs: Beyond Patriarchy page x blank Lawrence H. Fuchs: Beyond Patriarchy page xi A PERSONAL NOTE Beyond Patriarchy: Jewish Fathers and Families holds considerable personal meaning for me. My grandparents on my mother’s side came to New York City in the 1880s, where they lived the Jewish immigrant saga on the Lower East Side. My father came as an immigrant from Austria to the Lower East Side in 1909 at the age of nine and did not finish high school because he had to support his parents after his father became ill. I consider myself a religious Jew, one who prays and meditates almost every day. I was not raised in a religiously observant home, and my rit- ual observance remains thin compared to that of Orthodox and most Conservative Jews. That this book is primarily about fathers is consistent with the tre- mendous respect I have for the millions of mothers who have been rais- ing children with little or no help from those children’s biological fathers. Children need loving adult caregivers, of whatever sex or sexual orientation, and they need a continuity of authoritative love if they are to have a good chance to become healthy men and women. I am committed to the goal of sexual equality. That means living in a world in which women and men can work toward their personal goals without any discrimination against them because of sex or sexual orientation. I realize that the sexes, on the average, differ in important biological respects; but I also try to remember that every individual is in some ways unique. This book is dedicated to the memory of my earliest caregivers: my mother, Frances; my father, Alfred; my aunt Rebecca; and my aunt Ber- tha, who died on October 25, 1998, the last survivor of my mother’s seven siblings; and to my beloved illiterate immigrant grandmother, Pearl, who knew that love is the ultimate wisdom.

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