FOUR GILMORES AND A FUNERAL

Written by

Kara Cutruzzula

Based on the TV series created by Amy Sherman-Palladino

[email protected] TEASER

EXT. GILMORE HOME - NIGHT LORELAI GILMORE (46) - confident, attractive, sharp as a sword - stands at the doorstep of a massive, imposing house, complete with wrought iron gate. She stares at the entrance. LORELAI May God and his human representative on Earth, Dolly Parton, get me through this. Lorelai rings the bell. A MAID answers wearing a very traditional outfit. Think “sexy maid.” Minus the sexy part. LORELAI (CONT'D) I see she’s still got you in the black-and-white get-up. Classic. Very Margaret Mitchell. Lorelai walks inside.

INT. GILMORE HOME - CONTINUOUS Lorelai’s mother, EMILY GILMORE (70) - immaculate, poised - enters. She’s not the type of woman who gives a warm welcome. EMILY You’re late. LORELAI Traffic was terrible. Someone should really check on the whereabouts of Chris Christie. EMILY Nevermind. Dinner’s already plated. LORELAI Ooh, we get to use plates this time? Goody.

INT. GILMORE DINING ROOM - NIGHT Lorelai and Emily enter to find a beautiful table set for three under a chandelier. They sit a beat in awkward silence. EMILY How long will Rory be? K. Cutruzzula 2.

LORELAI She should turn up soon. Speaking of vegetables, Sookie’s dreamed up this incredible buttered turnip puree. If you can get past the color, it’s really quite good. EMILY What on earth are you talking about? LORELAI Side dishes. (after a beat) How’s Dad today? EMILY Today? Today’s the same as yesterday, which was the same as the day before. I swear I feel as though I’m, I’m... LORELAI (trying to help) Bill Murray in Groundhog Day? A hamster in a wheel? One of those picture books where you thumb the corner to flip the pages and the cartoon moves super quickly? EMILY Did you just compare your mother to a rodent? LORELAI A domesticated rodent. Lorelai looks like she’s going to try to offer comfort, but her daughter, RORY GILMORE (29) - self-possessed, composed - enters. Lorelai jumps up and rushes over. LORELAI (CONT'D) Hi, honey! RORY (hugging) Hi, Mom. LORELAI Did you get caught in Bridgegate? Emily stands and Rory hugs her. K. Cutruzzula 3.

RORY (to Lorelai) Wasn’t that, like, three years ago? (to Emily) Hi, Grandma. LORELAI Yes, but traffic shall remain forever snarled, like that spool of alpaca yarn I bought during my ill- fated knitting experiment of ‘09. RORY I’m still waiting for my beanie. LORELAI Cue up the Muzak my friend, because that guy’s on hold forever. They sit for a beat. RORY How’s Grandpa? I’m planning to stop by the hospital tomorrow. EMILY Fine. Well, no. The same. Say, let’s talk of happier subjects. How’s your book coming along? RORY Actually... LORELAI If you need something to submit it in, there are boatloads of Lisa Frank folders still floating around the house. RORY That won’t be necessary. I actually turned in the proposal last night. Emily and Lorelai both beam. EMILY Oh, Rory, that’s terrific! LORELAI Honestly, what can’t this one do? The maid comes by the table and sets down two plates. K. Cutruzzula 4.

LORELAI (CONT'D) I knew this happy day would come. (looks at plate) And on this happy day, I always somehow knew there would be mutton. RORY Thanks. I’m so relieved. And exhausted. But also exhilarated? LORELAI Lotta adjectives. No wonder you want to write a whole book. EMILY We have to celebrate. RORY No celebrating yet. We have to see if anyone wants to buy it first. LORELAI Your grandfather would be so proud. Rory gives a shy smile. EMILY He is proud. Lorelai nods, and the three women begin to eat in silence. As the camera PANS out to reveal the entire tableau, the seat at the head of the table - belonging to Richard Gilmore - is conspicuously empty. LORELAI Hey, this isn’t mutton. EMILY Of course it’s not mutton. It’s veal. FADE OUT. END OF TEASER K. Cutruzzula 5.

ACT ONE FADE IN:

INT. GILMORE HOME - NIGHT Lorelai, Rory, and Emily are in the foyer saying goodbye. RORY Thanks for dinner. EMILY Thank you for coming all this way. RORY Oh, it’s nice taking the train from Manhattan. Gives me time to catch up on my reading. LORELAI Please oh please, tell me you’re reading The Girl on the Train. I so want you to be the girl on the train reading The Girl on the Train. RORY Too late. Already finished it. As Lorelai and Rory go to walk out the door, Emily grabs her coat and begins to follow them. LORELAI Where are you going? It’s 9:30. A lass like you doesn’t dare set foot outside the perimeter at this hour. EMILY I’m going to see your father. I always go after dinner. (conspiratorially) They keep visiting hours open just for me. Donating an entire hospital wing does come with a few perks. As they head out, the MAID appears with the house phone. MAID Mrs. Gilmore? It’s the doctor. Lorelai and Rory exchange glances. K. Cutruzzula 6.

EMILY (into phone) Yes? What? Emily’s face darkens. Her grip tightens on her coat. EMILY (CONT'D) (distraught) But I told him I would be right back. I told him! I’m coming right now. Lorelai and Rory grow worried. LORELAI Oh no. Emily hangs up. Her grasp on her coat loosens, and it tumbles to the floor. EMILY (to herself) You can plan and plan... RORY Grandma? EMILY (faintly) He’s... (beat) I must sit down. They usher her to a chair. She sits, staring. Processing. EMILY (CONT'D) Richard. He’s...gone. The shock of this hits them. Rory falls into her mother’s arms. Emily’s eyes close, then suddenly, she bolts upright. EMILY (CONT'D) We can’t just sit here. We must go. There’s much to be done. She marches to the front door, sidestepping her dropped coat on the way. EMILY (CONT'D) (calling behind her) Esmeralda, come fetch my coat. Emily exits. Rory looks at her mother, tears forming. K. Cutruzzula 7.

RORY But I didn’t... Lorelai hugs her fiercely as Rory begins to cry. LORELAI I know, honey. I know.

EXT. TOWN SQUARE - DAY A bright morning in Stars Hollow, Connecticut, a picture- perfect small town, the kind as rare these days as a moment of lucidity in Congress. The kind where townspeople greet each other with “Good morning,” and a folk guitarist strums near a gazebo.

INT. LUKE’S DINER - DAY In this kind of town a diner with chrome stools can exist without irony or pretense. The owner of this one is LUKE DANES (48) - gruff, owns a toolbox and knows how to use it - and he’s behind the counter serving coffee. CUSTOMER Do you have hemp milk? Luke looks at her wordlessly. Then: LUKE This look like Portland to you? Lorelai enters. Luke rushes over, pulls her into a hug. LUKE (CONT'D) Hey. How you doing? LORELAI Oh, you know, just the worst 24 hours of my life. LUKE Worse than-- LORELAI Yes, even worse than that time I watched all of Shia LaBeouf’s oeuvre in chronological order just because he was doing it. LUKE And Rory? K. Cutruzzula 8.

LORELAI I dropped her off at home. She’s hurting. LUKE I’m so sorry. LORELAI Thanks. He’s just been sick for so long, I thought we were all prepared, I thought I would be ready...prepared...ready... (remembering something) Oh god, there’s a wedding tomorrow at the Inn! LUKE I’m sure it’s all taken care of. LORELAI I’m not sure. I’m positively not sure. LUKE You’re really going to work now? Lorelai kisses Luke quickly. LORELAI Trying to keep things normal. For now. I’ll be back at home tonight. As she heads for the door, Luke calls after her. LUKE Here if you need me. She turns and smiles, and is gone. Luke watches her through the window for a minute, then something catches his eye: a giant food truck is maneuvering in front of the diner. On the side, in huge cursive letters it says: KIRK’S KHOW.

EXT. LUKE’S DINER - DAY Luke approaches just as the truck’s massive side window is rolled up from the inside. The owner and operator of this fine mobile establishment is KIRK GLEASON (40). To say he’s merely quirky is being kind. LUKE What the hell is this? K. Cutruzzula 9.

KIRK Good morning, comrade-in-arms. LUKE (reading the sign) “Kirk’s Cow?” KIRK (correcting) Kirk’s Chow. But with a K. Studies show customers respond extremely well to alliteration. LUKE What’s it doing in front of my diner? KIRK Well, mother and I were watching Shark Tank a few weeks ago and I got inspired-- LUKE (interrupting) I don’t need a preamble. Cut to the chase, Kirk. KIRK I thought I would offer the townsfolk an alternative to your standard artery-clogging fare of omelets with bacon and grilled cheese with bacon and meatloaf with bacon. Luke’s about to blow his top. LUKE My meatloaf has never had bacon! KIRK (handing him a food truck menu) Please peruse this at your leisure. LUKE (reading) Avocado egg toast? Beet cacao ice cream? (struggles to pronounce) Kombucha...with a mother?! What’s a mother? (beat) No one’s gonna wanna eat this. K. Cutruzzula 10.

KIRK I beg to differ. A YOUNG COUPLE walks by and sees the truck. MAN Hey, you’ve got kombucha? WOMAN Oh babe, that sounds so good. Like, Goop-good. Luke tries to intervene. LUKE What’s wrong with good old- fashioned coffee, huh? We’ve got some right behind you. In Luke’s Diner. Best food in town. WOMAN Diners are a little hard for me, digestively-speaking. MAN (nodding affirmatively) We’ve both got super narrow small intestines. WOMAN Teeny-tiny. LUKE Oh, was that your doctor’s official diagnosis? “Teeny-tiny intestines?” They push past him to order at the truck, where Kirk gloats. Luke retreats to his diner, scowling.

EXT. LORELAI’S HOUSE - DAY A totally charming old two-story house with a big porch. That’s where Rory is sitting this very moment, teary-eyed and drinking coffee. Her phone rings. RORY Hello? Hi. You got it okay? (beat) I don’t know why I asked that. It’s not like emails ever actually go missing. (MORE) K. Cutruzzula 11. RORY (CONT'D) You don’t walk into the dairy aisle and see milk cartons with pictures of Gmail messages printed on them. (beat; listening) I know the pitch changed quite a bit. I just felt like we needed to expand on Hillary’s high school newspaper experience. There are some gems in there, don’t you think? (beat; listening) I know we’ve already had this discussion. (beat; listening) Okay. Thanks. Bye. She hangs up and sips her coffee.

INT. GILMORE HOME - DAY Emily, wearing all black, busies herself around the living room, which is full of dozens of sympathy bouquets. She’s on a tirade against, if not the world, then at least the poor FLORIST standing in front of her. EMILY (plucking a flower from a bouquet) Do you see this? The Florist nods. EMILY (CONT'D) There is not to be a single one of these ghastly blossoms in this entire house by eleven o’clock tomorrow. The Florist nods again. Emily continues impatiently holding up the flower. EMILY (CONT'D) (dripping with sarcasm) Well? The Florist gingerly takes the flower, crumples it, puts it behind her back, and scurries off. EMILY (CONT'D) Dim girl. K. Cutruzzula 12.

INT. GILMORE KITCHEN - DAY Emily enters and crosses to the CHEF working over the stove. EMILY Is the mise en place done? CHEF Yes, Mrs. Gilmore. The Chef points to dozens of vegetables already chopped and dishes halfway prepared. EMILY Excellent. At least someone around here knows how to get things done. CHEF Mrs. Gilmore, what shall we do if people decide to...potluck? Emily recoils as if stung by a hornet. EMILY (snorting) You mean, if my guests bring their own food? To a funeral reception? I assure you, Richard’s associates are not that type of crowd. CHEF Yes, but-- EMILY But if anyone does decide to throw some god-awful casserole in a Tupperware and have it infiltrate my home like a Trojan horse, you’ll simply put it on the Limoges and serve it alongside the rest of the meal. Their embarrassment will speak for itself. Is that clear? CHEF Yes, Mrs. Gilmore.

INT. DRAGONFLY INN - DAY Lorelai enters in a rush. This charming inn is her pride and joy - cozy yet upscale, a place perfect for romantic weekend getaways, weddings, a delicious piece of pie. The lobby is bustling, and Lorelai beelines straight for the kitchen. K. Cutruzzula 13.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY Lorelai finds her best friend and co-owner SOOKIE ST. JAMES (45) - bubbly, kind, clumsy - cooking what seems like eighteen things at once. However, when Sookie sees Lorelai, she flings the apples she’s chopping (they narrowly miss her kitchen staff) and goes to hug her. SOOKIE Oh, hon. How’re you doing? Lorelai gives in to the hug, but only for a moment. LORELAI I’m Bieber at 21. I’m managing myself to the best of my ability. And, so, probably failing. (beat) How’s the wedding prep? SOOKIE Fine, fine. You shouldn’t even be here. How’s Emily? LORELAI She literally shooed us out this morning. I think I even heard the word “scat.” Said she’s been planning for this for a year and everything’s under control. Kinda morbid, huh? SOOKIE (carefully) Everyone deals with grief in different ways... LORELAI Uh huh. (changing the subject) I’d love to chat with tomorrow’s couple. Put in some face time. With two hundred people coming, we could really use good word of mouth. Especially since the town’s ice- festival-in-July idea turned out to be a major flop. SOOKIE I think they checked in this morning. Lorelai squeezes Sookie’s arm. K. Cutruzzula 14.

LORELAI Thanks. She starts to leave, but turns back. LORELAI (CONT'D) Oh, do you think you could whip up a casserole and maybe a cranberry pie for the reception tomorrow? My mother will hate that. SOOKIE Of course. Anything for you. Lorelai smiles and leaves.

INT. DRAGONFLY INN - CONTINUOUS Back in the lobby, MICHEL GERARD (45) - a black Frenchman whose last nerve is perpetually frayed - stands behind the front desk answering a guest’s question. MICHEL I am not sure why a Trip Advisor review claimed there was a rock climbing wall on this property, but I regret to inform you that the statement simply isn’t true. Perhaps they had us confused with the jungle gym at the park down the block, which you might find more suitable for your needs. The GUEST departs, shaking her head, and Michel notices Lorelai, who leans across the front of the desk. MICHEL (CONT'D) You’re here. LORELAI For a hot second. Where’s the happy couple? MICHEL In the back with their photographer, whose Instagram feed is not nearly as captivating as he thinks it is. She goes to leave, but Michel clears his throat. He places his hand on hers before quickly withdrawing it. Michel showing emotion is very unusual. K. Cutruzzula 15.

MICHEL (CONT'D) (in French) Mes condoléances sincères et attristées. Lorelai gives a thin, grateful smile. LORELAI (with fake French accent) Merci. Croissant. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir. Bon voyage. Lorelai exits. MICHEL Crazy woman.

EXT. DRAGONFLY INN - BACKYARD - CONTINUOUS Two dapper men, CARL and PETER (60s), are giving careful instructions to their HIPSTER PHOTOGRAPHER (25). CARL We don’t like trendy photos. PETER No jumping. CARL And no Photoshop. PETER It’s been fifteen years, there’s no hiding what we look like from each other now. LORELAI (O.S.) You two look great! Lorelai comes up behind them. LORELAI (CONT'D) Hi, I’m Lorelai Gilmore, the owner of the Inn. CARL We’ve been searching high and low for you! K. Cutruzzula 16.

LORELAI Really? The bat signal must be malfunctioning. Gotta find some triple-As. Is everything okay? PETER Yes. Except, well, one of our friends is sick-- CARL Zika. Or allergies. Or something. PETER --and she very rudely just canceled for tomorrow. CARL The biggest problem is she was going to give one of the readings. PETER We’re not doing traditional vows. CARL And we can’t ask anyone else to fill in because every friend already has a preassigned task-- PETER And we can’t shorten the ceremony because it’s synced to a soundtrack. CARL So, will you? LORELAI I’m sorry, will I what? PETER Give the reading. LORELAI Me? CARL Yes. He looks her up and down. The Photographer touches her hair. PHOTOGRAPHER Her coloring will work well with the backcloth. K. Cutruzzula 17.

PETER Perfect. LORELAI I’m flattered you want me to step in, but I have a, um, obligation. CARL We’ll just need you for a moment. PETER You can even choose the poem. CARL As long as it’s exactly ninety seconds long. PETER Exactly. CARL And nothing too modern. Or too Victorian. LORELAI Oh...kay. Sure. PETER Terrific! Carl and Peter turn towards the photographer. CARL Pop quiz! Which one’s my good side? PHOTOGRAPHER (inspecting Carl’s face) Uh...left? PETER Trick question. They’re perfectly symmetrical. And I didn’t even have to pay to make that happen. CARL (quietly, to Lorelai) I did. As Carl and Peter smile at one another, Lorelai realizes that she’s placed herself in a precarious position. FADE OUT. END OF ACT ONE K. Cutruzzula 18.

ACT TWO FADE IN.

INT. LANE’S HOUSE - DAY The happy home of a family with kids and way too much artistic talent under one roof - a drum set takes up half the room and easels are propped everywhere. Rory sits on the couch with her childhood best friend LANE KIM (30) - Korean, head half-shaved in that edgy way, cool mom personified. LANE My mother asks about you all the time. She keeps saying, “Who would have thought Rory would turn out to be a serious woman with a serious job?” RORY (laughing) It wasn’t hard to exceed her low expectations. LANE How’re you holding up? RORY Well, this is the first time I’ve stopped crying for more than five minutes. Quick, someone alert Guinness. Tell him to pull out his record book. LANE Done. RORY Honestly? I’m just numb. I’ve felt numb since the diagnosis. I’ve been numb the last nine months. It’s like I’m ready to birth a grief baby but it’s not coming out. LANE Given my four successful attempts at birthing actual babies, I can tell you...it will come out eventually. And you’ll want the drugs. K. Cutruzzula 19.

RORY Where are the kids? LANE School, school, school, school. I was just about to record a song before you got here. RORY I can’t believe your YouTube channel has grown so much. Well, I can, obviously, who wouldn’t enjoy all-drum cover songs of eighties rock? But you must love it. LANE I really do. All the perks of touring and getting my music heard, minus the grueling travel. And minus the tour rider, unfortunately. No backstage Haribo and sandalwood incense for me. Rory looks over at the easels. RORY But I doubt Bono has finger paints. LANE Touche. So, how’s your work? RORY Completely insane. Note to self. Working full time and coming up with a book proposal does not make for a bustling social life. LANE But you’re done? RORY No, the hard part will actually come later. Hopefully. If someone buys it. LANE I can’t believe it! My best friend, a real-life soon-to-be published authoress. (beat) Oh, is that word too gendered? K. Cutruzzula 20.

RORY Some people might object, but there’s a very 15th century flair to it. LANE Authoress it is! (beat) Hey, what happened to your guy? Bartholomew, was it? RORY His name should have given away our fate, huh? But work plus book plus Rory makes three. No room for a fourth. We split a few months ago. LANE Aw, I’m sorry. RORY Have I not been home since then? Lane shakes her head no. RORY (CONT'D) Wow. And it feels silly to even worry about these things right now. Books. Boys. Everything feels...trivial, you know? I still can’t believe he’s gone. LANE You two were so close. RORY A regular Laurel and Hardy. Although Grandpa didn’t much care for vulgar comedy. Rory and Lane let this linger for a moment. RORY (CONT'D) Hey, play me that song you were working on. LANE Sure! Lane bounds to the drums and sits calmly, like she’s going to play a nice little ditty - until she unleashes her talented fury and the living room reverberates from the beat of her drums. Rory smiles. K. Cutruzzula 21.

INT. LUKE’S DINER - DAY Our baseball cap-wearing proprietor is standing in the middle of the diner, staring past his windows, holding a coffee carafe, eyes practically bulging out of his head. LUKE Wouldja believe that? Some people are so gullible. We see his POV. A long, long line of people snakes by KIRK’S KHOW truck, waiting to order their healthy food. The woman Luke’s serving, MISS PATTY (68) - unapologetic flirt and town gossip draped in a caftan - tries to commiserate. MISS PATTY The nerve! Although his quinoa protein bites did give me a little extra oomph this morning... Luke shoots her a dirty look. LUKE Miss Patty! MISS PATTY I’m sorry! The truth hurts. But I did still come in here, y’know. I couldn’t possibly go a day without seeing you. Luke stalks away from her and goes behind the counter. We see the line outside get longer, until suddenly a woman runs through, pushing people aside, and bolts into the diner. This blonde Tasmanian devil is BABETTE (68), the other town gossip. She heads straight for Miss Patty. BABETTE Did he tell you? MISS PATTY Did who tell me what? I haven’t gotten any good intel in the past-- (checks watch) Thirty-seven minutes. BABETTE (calling out) Luke! Get your buns over here! (MORE) K. Cutruzzula 22. BABETTE (CONT'D) (to Patty) Morey saw Rory earlier today. MISS PATTY (eyes lighting up) Rory’s in town? The woman eye Luke, who tentatively walks over. LUKE Uh. She just got in. MISS PATTY Well, why bury the lede, Woodward and Bernstein. Y’know we’ve been dying to see her. LUKE I’m not sure she’s up for-- BABETTE (interrupting) Morey saw Rory--hey that rhymes! I should write that one down. Anyway, Morey saw Rory and she was sitting on the porch and he thought she was...crying?! He didn’t want to bother her, but my husband, he’s a sensitive guy - he sobbed all the way through 50 Shades of Grey - and he couldn’t keep it to himself, so he told me and now I’m telling you. MISS PATTY Why on earth would Rory be crying? Miss Patty and Babette look to Luke for answers. He shuffles around, nervous as hell. LUKE I was gonna tell you, but, uh, her grandpa died. Miss Patty and Babette look like they’ve been slapped. BABETTE Oh, dear. MISS PATTY Poor girl. BABETTE And Lorelai. Where is she? K. Cutruzzula 23.

LUKE The Dragonfly. MISS PATTY And Rory? LUKE She said she wanted to rest. BABETTE This is just awful. MISS PATTY This is sadder than the third time I stood up a fiancé at the altar. Poor Franco. LUKE I didn’t know if Lorelai wanted me to tell people yet, so... Babette and Miss Patty look at each other. BABETTE We’re not just people, sugar. MISS PATTY We have to do something for them. Cheer them up. Or at least take their mind off things. Just then three HIPSTER GUYS walk into the diner carrying little cardboard trays of food from KIRK’S KHOW. LUKE (shouting at them) No, no, no, no. No outside food or drink allowed. And don’t even think about using my bathroom. The GUYS look at each other, shrug, then leave. BABETTE What about a card? MISS PATTY That doesn’t seem big enough. BABETTE Well then, a really big card. Twenty feet high! MISS PATTY Let’s keep thinking. K. Cutruzzula 24.

LUKE I’m sure they’ll appreciate anything you do. BABETTE The poor girls. They all look sadly at each other.

INT. DRAGONFLY INN - DAY Lorelai enters the kitchen, which is in the middle of the dinner rush. LORELAI (calling to everyone) Byron? Shelley? Keats? A few KITCHEN STAFFERS look up at her. LORELAI (CONT'D) Anyone here a poet on the side? Don’t worry, you can tell me. I won’t rat you out to your families. The staffers shake their heads no. Sookie rounds the corner and sees Lorelai. SOOKIE Whatcha looking for? LORELAI Our happy couple has asked me to do a reading at the ceremony, and in doing so have exposed a giant gaping black hole in my knowledge. I am to poetry what Halle Berry was to Catwoman. A stranger in a strange land. SOOKIE Ask Rory! That kid’s got rhymes comin’ out the yin-yang. LORELAI She’s my next stop. Wanted to cover all my bases. SOOKIE Good plan. Put her Yale degree to good use. K. Cutruzzula 25.

Sookie retrieves two foil-wrapped items out of the fridge. SOOKIE (CONT'D) Your pie-asserole, my dear. Off Lorelai’s amused reaction: SOOKIE (CONT'D) Pie and casserole. It sounded better in my head. LORELAI Thanks, hon. Lorelai leaves with the food.

EXT. TOWN SQUARE - NIGHT Lorelai walks on Main Street past local shops. She spots KIRK’S KHOW truck parked outside Luke’s Diner. She eyes it suspiciously and enters Luke’s.

INT. LUKE’S DINER - CONTINUOUS Luke is closing up, stacking chairs on tables. LORELAI (re: the truck) What’s with Big Bertha out there? And don’t you think all trucks should be named Big Bertha? LUKE Kirk’s started a vegan craze. LORELAI Then why does the name have “cow” in it? LUKE Don’t ask. But he claims he’s opening at five a.m. tomorrow, so I told him I’m opening at four. LORELAI Whoa. Gourmet smackdown. Bourdain versus Fieri. (off Luke’s reaction) Don’t worry baby, you’re Bourdain. K. Cutruzzula 26.

LUKE Thank god. But since I have to be here so early tomorrow, I was just thinking I’d sleep upstairs tonight. And that way you and Rory can have some alone time. LORELAI Aw, that’s sweet. Not the you sleeping on flour sacks or whatever you’ve got up there part. That part’s sad. (beat) Hey Luke, you know any poet-- (off his surprised look) Nevermind. LUKE I’ll miss you. LORELAI Ditto. They smile at each other in the cozy warmth of this place.

INT. LORELAI’S HOUSE - NIGHT Lorelai enters with some takeout bags and throws her keys in a bowl in the entryway. We see where she lives for the first time - the decor’s eclectic and antique, cobbled together over years of thrift store finds and hand-me-downs. This isn’t a showroom. This is a home where people actually live. LORELAI Honey, I’m home. RORY (O.S.) In here! Lorelai walks through the hallway.

INT. RORY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS Rory’s sitting at her desk, shuffling through papers. Her room still bears the vestiges of girlhood, with loads of books on shelves and high school mementos scattered about. RORY Nice shrine you got here. K. Cutruzzula 27.

LORELAI Hey, Elvis had Graceland. Lennon had Strawberry Fields. I thought it only fitting that I preserve your adolescence in a similar, yet hopefully far less creepy, manner. RORY I think it’s nice. Most of my friends’ parents have turned their old rooms into home gyms. LORELAI Well, we know with me that outcome is as unlikely as Matt Damon getting off Mars. RORY But didn’t he...? LORELAI Who knows, I only watched the trailer. Rory holds up one of the papers that she found. RORY Essays from fourth grade? Lorelai sits on her bed. LORELAI I’m counting on those to be the real money makers. RORY Mom. LORELAI What! The unpublished early work of a New York Times-bestselling author? In the black-market literary world, that stuff is gold. RORY New York Times bestseller...let’s not get ahead of ourselves. LORELAI Okay, okay. No jinxing. Lorelai walks towards the kitchen. K. Cutruzzula 28.

LORELAI (CONT'D) You hungry? RORY Starving.

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Lorelai grabs some burgers from her takeout bags. LORELAI Luke whipped us up a little snack. She keeps pulling more and more items out of the bags... LORELAI (CONT'D) Burgers, fries, wings, nachos, donuts...day old, don’t judge. ...before finally unearthing two giant Styrofoam cups. LORELAI (CONT'D) And some black-and-white milkshakes. RORY Savior. LORELAI Isn’t he?

INT. LORELAI’S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS Rory and Lorelai bring in their food to eat in front of the TV. They’re arranging plates and silverware. LORELAI So, how’d you feel today? RORY You know when you’re on a rollercoaster-- LORELAI Which one? Millennium Force? Nitro? El Toro? RORY Any of them. But you’ve climbed and climbed and suddenly, you stop, just for an instant. And in that split second, you just kinda float? K. Cutruzzula 29.

LORELAI You feel like that? RORY No, I feel like the moment right after that, when you’re plunging towards the ground at ninety-three miles per hour. They sit on the couch. Rory leans on her mother’s shoulder. RORY (CONT'D) Why does it seem like we didn’t get enough time? Lorelai strokes Rory’s hair. LORELAI Because we didn’t. RORY We could have gone hiking together. LORELAI Grandpa hated hiking. RORY We could have hated hiking together. He could have told us more stories. What if we missed all his best stories? LORELAI Oh, hon. You could “what if” yourself into a conniption. There’s no changing anything. You two were so close. I’m so glad you got to have that kind of relationship. RORY Me too. (beat) I just can’t help but think I should have been around more. Lorelai pulls back and looks her grieving daughter square in the face. LORELAI You were his pride, his joy, his magnum opus! K. Cutruzzula 30.

RORY But I didn’t do all the things he wanted me to do. I didn’t get my book published in time...I didn’t...he won’t be able to see me get married. Or have kids. Why didn’t I do everything faster? Lorelai hugs her. LORELAI Because real life doesn’t move at the speed of the Millennium Force. And hon. He watched you travel the world. He opened up the paper and saw your byline in the New York Times, for gosh sakes. Do you have any idea how much he lorded that over the guys at the club? He cut out your articles and taped them up in the men’s room. RORY (laughing, crying) Gross. (beat) These last few months, I was barely around... LORELAI He wanted you to live your life. In fact, he said that very same thing to me. (affecting deep man’s voice) Lorelai, I want our Rory to go live her life. She doesn’t need to sit here and watch me... Lorelai’s imitation ends, and she trails off. Now she’s sad, lost in thought. RORY I really miss him. LORELAI I know. After a beat of silence: RORY I saw Lane today. K. Cutruzzula 31.

LORELAI Did you tell her I’m obsessed with her cover of “Hungry Like the Wolf”? I’ve watched it literally a gajillion times. RORY I told her. She seems really happy. LORELAI (carefully) Yeah? RORY Yeah. She’s got Zach and the boys and a great big house and... LORELAI All of that’s great. For her. RORY I don’t think about those things when I’m not here. But when I am... LORELAI You’ve got a great life, kid. You’re killing it. RORY Yeah, but, did I miss my chance? Dean, Jess, Logan...then it became career, career, career. Curse that Sheryl Sandberg. I leaned so far in I can’t see what I left behind. LORELAI As long you as didn’t hurt your back, you’re totally fine. (beat) How is that Logan, by the way? RORY I saw him on the cover of Fast Company the other day, so I’m assuming he’s just peachy. LORELAI Ugh. So those guys were all fine. But you were young! You knew what you were going after. The order doesn’t matter. There’s still time to get everything you want. K. Cutruzzula 32.

RORY I’m turning 30. Lorelai fake-gasps. LORELAI But that would mean your dear old mother is... (pretending to faint into the couch) Save me, my feeble mind can’t possibly count that high. RORY Mom. Seriously. LORELAI Thirty’s great. Thirty’s impressive. Thirty means you get to leave behind all the indecision and awkward dates and questionable bang choices of your twenties and really go for it. RORY For what? LORELAI Everything. (beat) What do you want? Rory ponders this for a long moment. RORY Nachos. Lorelai leans forward and grabs the container off the table. LORELAI Ta-da! (beat) I’ve never David Copperfield-ed before. Fear my power. Rory smiles at her mother, and they dig into their food. FADE OUT. END OF ACT TWO K. Cutruzzula 33.

ACT THREE FADE IN.

INT. LORELAI’S HOME - MORNING Lorelai and Rory are slouched down on the couch in pretty much the same positions as last night. Empty food containers are strewn about the coffee table. Mother and daughter are fast asleep...until a phone starts ringing. LORELAI (groggy) Go away Willy Loman, we don’t want any! The phone keeps ringing. Lorelai pries open her eyes - sees Rory’s still asleep - and rummages around on the table to find her phone. LORELAI (CONT'D) (answering phone) I was in the middle of a very important dream with both Captain America and Captain Kangaroo, so-- (beat) What? Slow down, Mother. CUT TO:

INT. GILMORE HOME - SAME TIME Emily is standing in her bedroom, so resplendent it looks like it was lifted from Downton Abbey, looking in the closet. She’s wearing all black. EMILY (into phone) That tart. That infuriating, unctuous, reprehensible tart.

INT. LORELAI’S HOME - SAME TIME LORELAI (into phone) Whoa, slow down, Merriam Webster. What’s the problem? Lorelai’s wide awake now, and Rory’s roused from sleep. K. Cutruzzula 34.

LORELAI (CONT’D) (CONT'D) (mouthing to Rory) Emily.

INT. GILMORE HOME - SAME TIME EMILY Pennilyn Lott sent me flowers.

INT. LORELAI’S HOUSE - SAME TIME LORELAI (mock sarcastic) Not flowers.

INT. GILMORE HOME - SAME TIME Emily starts to pace. EMILY If she shows her face at the funeral today, I’ll--I’ll...well, I won’t scream, but I’ll pay one of the ushers to do it for me.

INT. LORELAI’S HOUSE - SAME TIME Lorelai picks up a soggy fry from the table and bites it. LORELAI If she shows up, we’ll make sure she’s 100 yards away from you at all times. She’s just an old friend of Dad’s. Don’t let her upset you.

INT. GILMORE HOME - SAME TIME EMILY She has had designs on him for years. What nerve to do this now.

INT. LORELAI’S HOUSE - SAME TIME Lorelai walks to the kitchen and starts making coffee. LORELAI Yeah, well. None of that really matters now, does it? K. Cutruzzula 35.

INT. GILMORE HOME - SAME TIME Emily pauses for a beat. EMILY It’s the principle of the matter! (beat) Did you say you were having a dream? Please tell me you were napping in the passenger seat like a narcoleptic, because if you are not in your car, on your way over here right now, you’re going to be outrageously late for your own father’s funeral.

INT. LORELAI’S HOUSE - SAME TIME Lorelai looks at the clock. Shit. It’s ten a.m. LORELAI (grimacing to herself) Oh shoot. (into phone) En route, see you soon. Bye. She hangs up and runs into the living room. LORELAI (CONT'D) Teensy little problem. We’re late. Rory bolts upright. RORY What?! Lorelai runs upstairs, calling down to Rory as she goes. LORELAI Grab your most somber dress and meet me outside in five. We’ll change in the car. Rory jumps up and runs to her bedroom. RORY (calling upstairs) But I don’t know how to dress for somber! K. Cutruzzula 36.

INT. GILMORE HOME - SAME TIME We see Emily again, still on the phone, inspecting and straightening her duvet. She does not look pleased. EMILY Lorelai? Hello? Rude. She hangs up. EMILY (CONT'D) (calling out) Davida! Will you please come here and confirm that my eyes are not playing tricks on me, and that this duvet is, in fact, as egregiously wrinkled as a Barnum and Bailey elephant’s backside?

EXT. LORELAI’S HOUSE - DAY The car’s gone from the driveway. All’s quiet, until we see MISS PATTY slinking up the front path. She calls behind her to someone off-screen. MISS PATTY The coast’s clear! Reveal BABETTE - who happens to be Lorelai’s neighbor - walking behind her, struggling with an enormous, six-foot- tall sympathy card that says WE’RE SORRY. BABETTE Who knew paper could be so heavy? MISS PATTY (helping her) Let’s put it on the porch right here. They haul it onto the porch and prop it up. BABETTE Nice work getting everyone in town to sign it. MISS PATTY It’s really the least we could do. They step back to admire their handiwork. K. Cutruzzula 37.

BABETTE Sure hope it doesn’t rain. Or that it doesn’t get knocked over by a gust of wind. Or that Stripey, the local raccoon, doesn’t mistake it for his afternoon snack which I’ve already left out on my back porch. Miss Patty looks fearful. MISS PATTY Maybe we should stay with it? Protect it? They each take a seat on the porch, keeping watch over the card for as long as it takes.

INT. FUNERAL HOME - DAY Lorelai and Rory rush in wearing black and looking harried. Lorelai’s carrying the foil-wrapped food from Sookie, and yes, she’s bringing it into the actual funeral. They awkwardly slide by people in the entryway, all of whom look at them with sympathy. RORY Where’s Grandma? LORELAI Give it a second. After a beat, they hear a familiar indignant tone: EMILY (O.S.) He wasn’t supposed to be wearing that blazer with that shirt. That’s why I specifically gave you three options, but apparently you needed handwritten instructions as well! Or perhaps you would prefer to dress him in Garanimals? Would that make your job less complicated? Lorelai looks at Rory. LORELAI Bingo. The crowd parts and they see Emily in the corner, arguing quietly and fiercely with a FUNERAL ASSISTANT. K. Cutruzzula 38.

EMILY Nevermind. You only got one shot, and you’ve ruined it. The assistant runs away as Emily sees Lorelai and Rory, who hugs her. RORY Hi, Grandma. LORELAI Pretty nice turnout so far. EMILY Of course there is. Everyone loved your father. LORELAI I know that. EMILY Shall we go in? Emily leads the way into the main room. Rory and Lorelai follow.

INT. FUNERAL HOME - CONTINUOUS The women enter and, as they pass, people murmur their condolences. Emily handles it all like a pro. RORY (to Lorelai) What am I supposed to say? I don’t know any of these people. LORELAI Just nod or smile or do what I do, which is pat their hands twice in a calming yet not encouraging way. When an OLDER WOMAN comes up to them, Rory pats her hand awkwardly, and the woman smiles and leaves. RORY Like that? LORELAI Perfect, grasshopper. An OLDER MAN walks up to them. K. Cutruzzula 39.

OLDER MAN You must be Rory. RORY Yes. Hello. OLDER MAN I’m so sorry about your grandfather. He was a great man. RORY That he was. OLDER MAN Is your husband here? RORY My...who? Lorelai looks on and cringes. OLDER MAN You must be, what, late twenties, early thirties? Surely you’re married by now? Getting a little close to your expiration date, are we not? Lorelai swoops in to end the conversation and pats the man on the hand twice while pivoting Rory away. LORELAI (to the man) Appreciate you coming, thank you so much, we’ve got to continue swimming upstream now. Rory’s horrified by the interaction, and she continues walking through the crowd with Lorelai. LORELAI (CONT'D) Don’t think anything of it. He’s an old-fashioned guy. He probably hasn’t even switched to Blu-ray. Rory can only sigh deeply in response. They’ve arrived at the front row, and sit. Emily notices the foil-wrapped dishes on Lorelai’s lap. EMILY What in heaven’s name is that? K. Cutruzzula 40.

LORELAI Pie-asserole. EMILY Excuse me? LORELAI It’s delicious, you’ll love it. EMILY I can’t believe you brought a snack to your father’s funeral, that might just be the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever done. Lorelai shrugs, and after a second they’re all settled in. Now there’s nothing for the women to do but look straight ahead, so they do. And we see what they see: a giant, gleaming coffin, and a stand nearby with a handsome photo of RICHARD GILMORE, wearing a Brooks Brothers suit and bow tie. Lorelai is stunned. This is the first moment the truth has really hit her. RORY Mom? Lorelai doesn’t answer. She can only stare.

INT. FUNERAL HOME - A LITTLE LATER One of Richard’s business associates, FREDERICK, is at the front of the room, eulogizing him. FREDERICK But as much as we all know Richard loved his golf, there was something - or rather, someone - who truly surpassed everything else and always came first. Emily Gilmore. We see Emily, stoic as ever. FREDERICK (CONT'D) Their marriage of nearly fifty years was an unparalleled union of strength, of respect, of mutual guidance and admiration. And it brought him two more women whom he loved more than life, his daughter, Lorelai, and granddaughter, Rory. (addressing Rory) (MORE) K. Cutruzzula 41. FREDERICK (CONT'D) Rory, we’ve been looking at your articles hanging in the men’s room for so long, we’ve committed them to heart. Rory smiles, embarrassed. FREDERICK (CONT'D) Now, if anyone would like to say a few words, please come up now. There’s a slight pause, and then rather unexpectedly, Rory herself gets up and walks to the podium. Lorelai and Emily are shocked. This is entirely unplanned. RORY Hi. I’m Rory. The granddaughter. The only granddaughter, actually. My grandfather was a man of few words. I guess I take after him in that way. I prefer to write them... (beat) But when he did speak, he chose his words carefully. They were full of love, encouragement, and most of all, belief. He saw my future when I sometimes couldn’t. And all I wanted was to make him proud. I have a feeling I’ll spend the rest of my life with that same mission in my mind. She looks at her mother and grandmother, then at his picture. RORY (CONT'D) I love you, Grandpa. And Rory slowly walks back down to her seat between Lorelai and Emily. They each put an arm around her.

EXT. FUNERAL HOME - A LITTLE LATER Lorelai and Rory are walking out of the ceremony, having to stop every few feet to pat people on their arms in that calming yet not encouraging way. They find Luke, who’s all cleaned up and dressed in a suit. LUKE (hugging them) Hey. Nice ceremony. K. Cutruzzula 42.

LORELAI I know, right? Who knew insurance salesmen could possess the dry wit and precise delivery of Louis CK? LUKE I got here late so snagged a seat in the back. LORELAI (teasing) Who would ever be late to a funeral? LUKE I know, I’m sorry. Kirk...I’ll tell you later. Gotta get back. See you soon? Luke kisses her on the cheek and walks off. Lorelai and Rory continue walking. LORELAI That speech, kid. She looks at her daughter in awe. Rory’s bashful. RORY I just felt like saying something. LORELAI It was a good something. A great something. RORY You haven’t talked much about...anything. How are you feeling? LORELAI Oh, you know, I have every major symptom chronicled on late-night commercials for heartburn: chest tightness, agita, regret, uncontrollable snacking. RORY Mom. Seriously. They arrive at the car and get in. K. Cutruzzula 43.

INT. LORELAI’S CAR - CONTINUOUS Rory and Lorelai sit in the car. LORELAI Alright, I feel...regret, okay? Things weren’t always great with me and your grandfather, you know that. These last few months, since he’s been sick, I was there but not...there-there. I thought we’d get more time. RORY So you did want to go hiking. LORELAI Sure! We could have all hated it together. Plus, I don’t know that I’ll be able to stomach looking at another copy of the Financial Times again without seeing his face on that weird salmony-pink paper. RORY (sadly) I know... Suddenly, Lorelai jolts, remembering something. LORELAI The wedding! RORY Whose wedding? LORELAI The couple at the inn. I promised them I’d do a reading. RORY For strangers? LORELAI They’re not strangers, per se. They’re simply people with whom I’ve had no prior interaction. Off Rory’s dismissive look: LORELAI (CONT'D) Fine, yes, they’re strangers! Say, you know any poetry off the top of your head? (MORE) K. Cutruzzula 44. LORELAI (CONT'D) A little William Carlos Williams red wheelbarrow action? Some e.e. cummings, but none of the dirty stuff? Although maybe the dirty stuff would play big. RORY You don’t even know what you’re reading?! LORELAI Does anyone really know what the future holds for them? RORY Oh geez. Lorelai starts the car and begins to drive. LORELAI I’m going to drop you off at your grandmother’s for the reception, hop over to the wedding and be back soon. You’ll have to mind the pie- asserole for me. RORY Fine. (beat) What’s a pie-asserole? LORELAI Oh, Rory. I’ll tell you when you’re older. FADE OUT. END OF ACT THREE K. Cutruzzula 45.

ACT FOUR FADE IN.

INT. LUKE’S TRUCK - DAY Luke drives up to his diner - still wearing his funeral clothes - and can’t believe what he sees. ANGLE ON his POV: Dozens of people are lined up near KIRK’S KHOW truck, some with folding chairs and boomboxes. It’s practically turned into a block party. LUKE I’m gonna kill him.

EXT. LUKE’S DINER - CONTINUOUS Luke exits his truck and navigates through the hordes. LUKE You’re sheep! All of you! Baa, baa! The crowd ignores him. Kirk looks at him from inside his perch in the truck. KIRK Can I interest you in a coconut kefir soup to calm your nerves? Luke stalks past the truck, doesn’t stop a beat. LUKE I am calm! (beat; shouting backwards) And coconut doesn’t belong in soup! Kirk merely smiles and continues taking orders.

INT. LUKE’S DINER - CONTINUOUS The place is practically empty. A WAITER walks by, head hanging. LUKE Has it been like this all afternoon? The Waiter nods. K. Cutruzzula 46.

LUKE (CONT'D) If they want innovation, we’ll give ‘em innovation. Luke grabs a few donuts from under a glass dome. LUKE (CONT'D) (to Waiter) Grab the cheddar. We’ve got work to do. The Waiter jumps into action.

INT. GILMORE HOME - DAY All of the attendees for the funeral have gathered in Emily’s home. Day drinks are flowing, and inconspicuous waiters are hovering with trays of canapes. It feels more like a cocktail party than a funeral reception. Rory’s standing at the bar. RORY Just a seltzer, please. The BARTENDER pours. RORY (CONT'D) (to Bartender) I do drink, you know. I’m just trying to keep my wits about me. MAN (O.S.) Funny. I don’t think you’ve ever lost them once. Rory freezes at the familiar voice and turns. There she finds LOGAN HUNTZBERGER (30) - blond, handsome, devilish - her long- ago ex-boyfriend. LOGAN I’ve been looking all over for you, Ace. (to Bartender) Can I get a Scotch? RORY You’re here. How did you...? LOGAN My parents told me the news. (beat) I’m so sorry, Rory. I know he meant the world to you. K. Cutruzzula 47.

Rory can’t find words to respond, so she hugs him. RORY I haven’t seen you in-- LOGAN Eons. They smile shyly at each other, perhaps a small ember starts to burn again, until: LOGAN (CONT'D) (blurting) I’m married. Rory recoils. RORY Ah. They left that out of your cover story. Tsk tsk. Bad reporting. LOGAN Yeah, well, it’s recent. That interview was in the can a few months ago. RORY Is she here? LOGAN No, no. She’s back in California. RORY (an awkward pivot) And work? How’s the ol’ nine to five on the West Coast? LOGAN More like nine to nine, but...good. Really good. I’ve been reading your articles religiously. Your reporting last month was insane. You’re really doing it. RORY (bashful) Yeah, well, someone’s got to. Then, suddenly, she reconsiders her passive answer. RORY (CONT'D) It’s a grueling job, but I love it. And I’m actually good at it. K. Cutruzzula 48.

LOGAN (smiling) Of course you are. (beat) It’s great to see you. I promised my father I’d bring him a drink - once an errand boy, always an errand boy - but let’s find each other later, okay? Rory smiles. RORY Sure. Maybe. Logan takes his drink, gives Rory one last look, and leaves. Rory watches him go. Not sadly, not longingly, just...calmly.

INT. DRAGONFLY INN - DAY Lorelai enters and rushes to Michel at the front desk. LORELAI Did they do it yet? MICHEL I’m not privy to the clandestine, closed-door activities of engaged couples, unless that’s a revised amendment in my job contract, in which case, I’d like to submit to you my letter of resignation starting now. LORELAI The wedding, Michel. MICHEL Oh, the “it” to which you’re referring is the wedding. No, that “it” has not yet taken place but-- (checking watch) It’s starting in thirty seconds. Lorelai gasps and heads to the back of the inn.

EXT. DRAGONFLY INN - CONTINUOUS The backyard is impeccably and tastefully made up for the wedding. K. Cutruzzula 49.

The wedding party has already finished its procession and the grooms, CARL and PETER are standing at the altar in gorgeous tuxes. Their OFFICIANT (40s) - spiritual type - is mid- ceremony, and gestures to a YOUNG MAN who’s just finished a reading. OFFICIANT Thank you, Sazerac, for that moving spoken word rendition of “Out of the Woods” by Ms. Swift. Now, Carl and Peter would like to welcome their good friend-- (Carl leans in to whisper a correction) --their acquaintance-- (consults notes; mispronouncing) Lore-lee Gilmore, who will be doing a reading of... (searches notes for name; Peter leans in and whispers to her) Something ninety seconds or less. And right on cue, Lorelai walks into the backyard. Dressed in black, she looks demonstrably out of place. But there’s nothing she can do except walk up the aisle and take her place alongside the couple. LORELAI Hi, everyone. She looks down at her hands. She’s got nothing, but dives in. LORELAI (CONT'D) Love is like...a butterfly. But not one of those giant, scary ones with what look like eyeballs on their wings. Did anyone ever have nightmares about those as a kid, where they’d fly into your hair and stay there and no amount of brushing would ever get them out? The crowd looks at her. Carl and Peter are turning white. LORELAI (CONT'D) Me neither. A long beat passes. Then something about the intimacy of the ceremony, the non-stop stress of the day, and the vulnerability of being in front of a crowd of strangers, finally causes her dam to break. K. Cutruzzula 50.

LORELAI (CONT'D) My dad died. Two days ago. He was sick for awhile. That tends to be how these things go now, isn’t it? You live until a part of you goes, and then all of you goes. But the whole horrible process made me see something. My mother...well, there’s much to say about Emily Gilmore, but I know you’re eager to get to the rock shrimp buffet after the ceremony, so I’ll save it for a later date. I will say, however, there never was a more perfect pair than Richard and Emily Gilmore. She was the Bonnie to his Clyde, the Wilma to his Fred, the Kelly Ripa to his Mark Consuelos. While the three of us didn’t always see eye to eye, I always had this sort of secret wonder for how they did it. How they perfectly calibrated this balance of stern and soft, of affection and withholding, of good intentions and maybe some less-than- good intentions. They were, in the immortal words of hip hop parlance, each others’ “ride or dies.” And in the end, especially at the end, it’s a privilege to witness a love like that. Lorelai is tearing up. LORELAI (CONT'D) (to Carl and Peter) May your lives together be steady, complete, and full of joy. Carl and Peter smile warmly at her. Lorelai knows she needs to wrap this up. LORELAI (CONT'D) Uh oh, I think the conductor’s playing me off. In that case, I’d like to thank the Academy, God, and Harvey Weinstein...’s assistant, who I’ve never met but I’m sure doesn’t get thanked nearly enough. Finished now, Lorelai takes a seat in the front row. K. Cutruzzula 51.

OFFICIANT Thank you, Lore-lee. You’ll have to let me know the name of that poet after the ceremony. Lorelai smiles.

INT. GILMORE HOME - DAY The funeral reception continues. Lots of suited older gentlemen and women in pearls. EMILY is flitting between groups, checking on everyone but not stopping for any real conversation. EMILY (to a group of women) Did you try the duck à l’Orange? Before they can answer, she darts off and corners a SERVER. EMILY (CONT'D) (fierce whisper) Is your family in the Mafia? The Server quakes, shakes his head no. EMILY (CONT'D) Well then, how else do you explain your cement shoes, which are obviously to blame for you not whirling your little tray over to this corner of the room yet? The Server looks down at his totally normal shoes. Emily storms off in disgust.

INT. GILMORE HOME - A LITTLE LATER The only quiet place in the house is the dining room, where Rory sits in her usual seat, looking at the empty table. The door opens and Logan enters, carrying a drink. Rory stands. RORY Logan. LOGAN It always sounds better when you say it. He walks over to her. K. Cutruzzula 52.

RORY Find your parents? LOGAN Mitchum left an hour ago. Some sort of crisis on the homefront. RORY The paper’s not doing well? LOGAN It’s fine. You know him, everything’s a crisis, everything’s terrible...precisely because he makes it so. Logan takes a drink. RORY You must be ready to fly back. LOGAN Yes and no. They look at each other a beat. LOGAN (CONT'D) I didn’t realize how much I missed you...until I saw you. It’s like you’re this portal to a whole different world for me. RORY Yes. It’s called...your past. LOGAN And present. And... He trails off. RORY Married. LOGAN What? RORY That’s what you told me. “Rory, I’m married.” Or is my memory lapsing? Am I ‘Still Alice’-ing right now? LOGAN No. K. Cutruzzula 53.

RORY So... LOGAN If I wasn’t married, what would you say to me? RORY I’d say, “Hi Logan, I haven’t seen you in eight years, have you done something with your hair? And how about that Barack Obama, huh?” LOGAN Rory... RORY I’m not having this conversation with you. LOGAN Just because I’m married? RORY Not just. Because... (beat) Wow, I finally get it. LOGAN What? RORY The phrase, “Let sleeping dogs lie.” Let us lie, Logan. Logan gives her a long, hard stare, and senses she’s serious. Or at least too serious to convince right now. LOGAN Okay. RORY Good. LOGAN I should... RORY (kindly) Have a nice flight. Logan nods and exits. Rory returns to her chair and sits for a beat. Her cell phone rings. K. Cutruzzula 54.

RORY (CONT'D) (answering) Hello? (beat) What? Of course I’ve heard of the phrase ‘bidding war,’ I was a child of the nineties. We had Beanie Babies and a little thing called eBay. (beat) Oh my god. And off Rory’s smiling face, we: CUT TO:

INT. GILMORE HOME - ENTRYWAY - SAME TIME Lorelai enters the reception. She spots Emily on another tirade and does a U-turn, swinging by the buffet. There, sitting on expensive china, is one foil-wrapped pie and one chicken and dumplings casserole. Lorelai smiles. She unwraps the pie and cuts a slice. A REFINED WOMAN next to her arches her eyebrow. LORELAI Didn’t save room, huh? Too bad. Just as Lorelai’s about to take a bite, Emily ambushes her. EMILY (O.S.) Enjoying your handiwork? LORELAI Not mine. Sookie’s. And yes, very much. Emily looks at the table. EMILY I can’t believe they haven’t refilled the asparagus. The incompetence here is astounding. LORELAI You really can’t find a good asparagus refiller these days. Emily starts walking to the kitchen. Lorelai follows her. K. Cutruzzula 55.

INT. GILMORE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS The kitchen’s empty. Emily, of course, notices. EMILY Where is everyone?! Must be time for their smoke break, or something else equally significant to my husband’s... She trails off, and straightens up. LORELAI Mom. EMILY Yes? LORELAI You don’t have to work, you know. EMILY I’m not working. I’m supervising. It’s what I do. It’s what I have to do. I just want everything to be perfect. It’s what...it’s what your father would have wanted. LORELAI It is perfect. Emily appreciates this. EMILY Except for the flowers. I don’t know what happened, but I’ve already let Henrietta go. LORELAI In the last few days, have you stopped for a second? Have you even breathed? Or are you like one of those sperm whales who can go hours without oxygen, just floating and floating around the deep blue sea? EMILY (aghast) A sperm whale? LORELAI You know what I mean. K. Cutruzzula 56.

EMILY I don’t know. And yes, I have been very busy, thank you. Filling out papers, looking into our finances, planning all of this. It’s quite a lot of do. LORELAI I know it is. EMILY Do you, Lorelai? Have you been around to witness it? LORELAI I was here. You sent us home! EMILY And you went. LORELAI Because you asked us to! EMILY You’re impossible. LORELAI There are dozens of people here who would love to help you, but no, you’re Emily Gilmore, and Emily Gilmore must shoulder this burden, and the burdens of everyone else in the world, alone. EMILY (pointedly) I don’t need just anybody’s help. LORELAI Next time, don’t tell me to go. EMILY Okay, yes, the next time your father dies, I’ll be sure to indulge you and your half-hearted offer to help. Perhaps you can even bring more pie. Next time. Mother and daughter are at a standoff. LORELAI (beat) What are we doing? K. Cutruzzula 57.

EMILY Having a conversation. LORELAI We’re arguing at Dad’s funeral. EMILY (distracted; looking around) Who even smokes anymore these days? Unless the kitchen guys have one of those vaporizer contraptions and they’re out there puffing their lives away. LORELAI Okay. (beat) Good chat, Mom. Lorelai exits. EMILY Where are you going? Lorelai?

INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS Lorelai walks in, determined and upset, and sees Rory. RORY Mom! LORELAI What do you think? Time to go? RORY Sure. I don’t know if I can stomach one more Trump anecdote without hurling. Rory follows Lorelai out of the living room.

INT. LORELAI’S CAR - A LITTLE LATER Lorelai drives up and parks. Something outside the car attracts both her and Rory’s attention. LORELAI Did Steve Jobs rise from the dead and finally invent the holographic iPhone that I’ve always wanted? K. Cutruzzula 58.

RORY I feel like we would have read about that. LORELAI (motioning) How else do you explain this insane, shiny-new-Apple-product- sized line? We see their POV:

EXT. LUKE’S DINER - SAME TIME Everyone who was lined up for Kirk’s Khow food truck is now lined up outside Luke’s Diner, waiting for it to open. Lorelai and Rory walk alongside the line and enter the diner.

INT. LUKE’S DINER Lorelai and Rory head for the counter and pull out stools. LUKE (O.S.) We’re closed! Luke walks in from the back, sees who it is. LUKE (CONT'D) Oh, sorry. I’ve been turning people away all night. LORELAI From what? Thunder from Down Under: Stars Hollow Edition? Lorelai and Rory move to a table. Luke stands over them. LUKE I’ve had to take extreme measures. LORELAI Oh god, I really was kidding about the Thunder part. LUKE His super-healthy stuff got so popular that I didn’t know what to do. Until I thought, W.W.S.C.D.? (off their blank faces) What would Stephen Curry do? (off their blank faces) (MORE) K. Cutruzzula 59. LUKE (CONT'D) Basketball. Moving on...I just knew I should double down on what I’m good at! So... Luke runs to the back of the diner and returns with a plate with some sort of strange food on it. LUKE (CONT'D) (off their looks) Donutwiches. Donut sandwiches. Grilled cheese donutwiches, BLT donutwiches, I’m slapping donuts on everything. RORY When they go high, you go low. LORELAI Luke, I’ve honestly never found you more attractive than at this very moment. Rory, cover your eyes. RORY But Luke, you hate junk food. LUKE I know, but I don’t have to eat this crap. Besides, once those health nuts out there caught wind of what was going on in here, they started lining up in droves. LORELAI Seriously? LUKE Well that, plus they found out Kirk was accidentally putting beef tallow in everything because he didn’t actually know what the word “vegan” meant. LORELAI Should have seen that one coming. LUKE One person starts a line, the next person jumps in, voila. I’m back in business. LORELAI I’m so proud. K. Cutruzzula 60.

LUKE Hey, so, how was it at your mom’s? LORELAI You’ve heard of World War Three? LUKE Oh no. LORELAI This was more like World War Two and a Half, so, not bad for us. She seems to be managing...decently. RORY Actually, something else happened before you got there, Mom. LORELAI Please, please tell me it involved Aunt Tilly, the piano, and an off- key and hilariously inappropriate rendition of “Stayin’ Alive”? RORY No. My agent called. We got an offer. Several offers, actually. (off Luke and Lorelai’s proud faces) I’m going to be an author! LORELAI Suck it, E.L. James. RORY Mom. LORELAI Sorry, I don’t know what came over me. Rory, I’m so happy for you. LUKE You deserve this. You work so hard and give up so much and...you deserve it all. RORY Thanks. I’m excited. Nervous. Thrilled... LORELAI Whoa. Save your adjectives, kid. People are going to pay good money to read those on a Kindle soon. K. Cutruzzula 61.

LUKE This calls for a celebration. LORELAI Donut pancakes! RORY Donut onion rings! LUKE Coming right up. Luke retreats to the kitchen. LORELAI Rory, Grandpa would be so... RORY I know. As they smile at each other, we go to...

EXT. LORELAI’S HOUSE - SAME TIME And see Babette and Miss Patty, fast asleep. All is dark except for the porch light shining on them and their giant sympathy card, still standing tall.

INT. GILMORE HOME - SAME TIME The friends, business associates, and caterers have gone. The living room is spotless and silent.

INT. GILMORE BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS Emily is in her room, still wearing black, getting ready for bed. She opens a drawer for her pajamas, but instead finds a dozen of Richard’s bow ties, all neatly pressed, waiting to be worn. And in the quiet of their home, on the first night where she’s truly alone, Emily weeps. FADE OUT. THE END.