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Don’t even think of applauding acts frenetically for nothing more than walking on. This makes the ensuing performance pointless. Excitement can only get lost. Worse than undeserved applause at the start, is loud clapping during a show. Not only does it waste valuable joke time in the strict confinement of a 60-minute slot, it also takes away from the Achtung carefully crafted narrative arc. I would ask you to stick to the much superior system of my fun-seekers! native Germany, where laughter and applause are only ever You’ve come to the right place for bridled used to shorten an inept performance while excellence is rewarded with admiring silence. jolliness - the comedy trade fair. Vielen Dank! There is no shortage of sufficiently enjoyable shows but make sure you don’t ruin them with ill-advised applause. In comedy, Henning When applause is the most important instrument of customer German Comedy Ambassador feedback and it’s YOUR duty to use it appropriately. Henning Wehn is appearing at 9.10pm in the Big Room

All Roads Lead To Just The Tonic THE SHOWS A GREAT BIG HELLO We have comedy, story telling, sketch shows, a kids show, Welcome to Just the Tonic at The Caves. a free show (fingers crossed), music & theatre. Around 58 This is our 2nd year at The Caves, after shows a day from 11.35am – 4am. Fordy starts us off with his hangover show. We close at 4am after our party / late bar. a few years slogging it out at The Café Royal and then 2 years homeless. OUR STORY Pull up a chair, get a pint and I’ll tell you a tale… but I’ll cut THIS BROCHURE it short here (find me floating around and I’ll regale you with You should read this. It will tell you which shows we have tales of famous people who have forgotten them, stories on in a chronological order type of listing. We also have an that I’ve exaggerated, and things that never happened) We alphabetical listing at the back. We have shiny adverts and started as a comedy club in 1994, put on some shows, came we also have editorial from some of our performers, such to Edinburgh loads, booked comedians, produced a load of as Josie Long, Simon Donald (From Viz magazine), Henning events, managed a few comics, made some friends, probably Wehn, Seymour Mace blah de blah de blah.… look inside made a few enemies, entertained a load of people, produced some tours, blagged an amazing venue in , Edinburgh THE VENUE and now in Nottingham. Nearly paid off 15 year overdraft. We honestly think we have the most exciting venue in Please enjoy our most recent results… Edinburgh. Are any of the others part of the Ghost Tour… Just the Tonic at The Caves 2010 NO! Did any of the others win Best Small Venue 2009 Award… No! Are any of the others under a bridge… well, yes, but none of them have been done out as well as this Darrell Martin place. It’s a proper bar, it has lovely food and friendly staff. Producer, compere, booker, agent, editor, boss and teaboy

The Caves - 253 Cowgate JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 01 02 BOX OFFICE: 0131 556 5375 INFO: www.justthetonic.com BOX OFFICE: 0131 556 5375 INFO: www.justthetonic.com Fordy’s Morning Hangover Show Seymour Mace’s Dafternoon Show Hopefully the same people as last night’s Are you an idiot? Do you like being stupid? ‘Fordy’s Lock In’...all worse for wear! Chat, Got a friend make of wood? If you answered news reviews and a catch up on Fordy’s yes then come to the Dafternoon show, join antics. Half price if you came last night. the fun and win fabulous prizes! Bacon butties at the bar! Grown-ups half price!

Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 6 – £3 5 & 6 – £4(£2) 7-15, 18-29 – £6 7-16, 18-23, 25-29 – £7(£3.50)

Comedy 11:35am – 12:35pm Just the Fancy Room 12:20pm – 1:20pm Just the wee one Children’s Show

The Aspidistras - Secret Breakfast Gig Tom Williams - Ladies and Gentlemen Of The Jury Wake up and smell the comedy. The cult duo Tom likes watching court cases, because return with some songs and sketchy banter. you get the interesting story without having Come along for complimentary chuckles, to worry about going to jail afterwards. One coffee and croissants. ‘Unpretentious, particular case has stuck in his mind. So he intelligent and funny’(The Scotsman) wrote this show about it. ‘Dark, dry and delightful’ (Three Weeks) Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5-16, 18-29 – £5(£4) 5, 6 & 7 – £5 8-12, 17-19, 25-26 – £7(£5) 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 – £8(£6) Comedy 11:35am – 12:35pm Just the Bar 12:40pm – 1:40pm Just Up the Road Comedy

Magicians! Behind the Magic!! Susan Calman Chats Up... Fabuloso and Dupont present an intimate Join Susan Calman (BBC ’s, lunchtime soirée of love and toast and MacAulay&Co and Radio 4’s News Quiz) and magic. And magic. A charmingly riotous tale special guests for a lunchtime chatshow with of spangly leggings, French accents and bad hosts with very special guests: stand-up, a sit down and a good chinwag. hair. Sometimes, magic is a four letter word. The Dark Night “She’ll make you chuckle your pants off” (Time Out)

Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 – £6 7-8, 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 – £8.50 Pushing the boundaries of taste and decency 7-8, 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 – £9 9-12, 17-19, 23-26 – £7.50 11-12, 18-19, 25-26 – £8 The Dark Side of Stand up Comedy Comedy/Magic 12pm – 1pm Just Out of the Box 12:55pm – 2:10pm Just the Fancy Room Comedy Unique event. WOLF 17th August - 11pm Sex, Lies & The KKK For tickets contact the Box Office on 0131 556 5375 Let us prey. Theatre for the senses exploring Does God hate sex? Should we let homophobic wolf/human relationship. Text by Iain Finlay couples marry? And how does the Klu Klux Macleod (St Kilda, EIF09) with performers Klan view President Obama? Creator of Sold from David Glass Ensemble/Dreamthinkspeak/ Out, “***** Fringe Favourite” ‘Jesus: The Matthew Bourne’s ‘Swan Lake’. ‘One of the Guantanamo Years’, finds out. most charismatic productions of Pulse festival’ Maddog Magazine Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 - £5 5 & 6 – £7 7-12, 16, 18-19, 23-26 - £8.50(£7.50) 8, 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 – £10(£9) 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 - £9.50(£8.50) 9-12, 16, 18-19, 23-26 – £9(£8) Theatre, Interactive/Physical 12:15pm – 1:15pm Just the Big Room 1pm – 1:55pm Just the Bar Comedy

JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 03 04 SEYMOUR MACE’S – ACTIVITY PAGE BOX OFFICE: 0131 556 5375 INFO: www.justthetonic.com Seymour Mace’s Childrens’ Show - 12.20pm. Evening Show - 8pm & Late Show - 11.40pm Damion Larkin – Cuddly Loser Aaaaaay-Up! Topless Comedy Meets Bottomless Talent He left a successful career in stockbroking The cream of London’s Open Mic circuit to entertain strangers. Upbeat tales of with up-and-coming stars from Time incompetence, loneliness, and failure. Plus Out-featured clubs, Good Times and Comedy a lust for life, chocolate and girls beyond Mayhem @ The Miller, including Comedy his reach. “One of the country’s top new Store Gong Show winner Ian Baker and comedians” BBC Joe Stillers. Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5-15, 17-29 – £5 FREE TICKETS 5–16, 18-29

Comedy 1:20pm – 2:20pm Just Out of the Box 1:45pm – 2:45pm Just the Wee One Comedy

Obama Mia! Charmed Forces Prepare to laugh and cry at the Comedy Charmed Forces have arrived in Afghanistan Musical of this summer in a tongue-in-cheek to entertain the troops. Following moderate look at what really happened the few days success at British coastal holiday resorts, before an election that captivated a planet. the troupe hope that their unique act will be Original, unique and a hilarious one-off! well received by the soldiers. ‘Hilarious’ **** (ThreeWeeks) Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 – £5 7-16, 18-29 – £6(£5) 7-15, 17-22, 24-29 – £7(£5)

Comedy 1:45pm – 2:45pm Just the Big Room 2pm – 3pm Just Up the Road Comedy

JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 05 06 BOX OFFICE: 0131 556 5375 INFO: www.justthetonic.com Here are some of the highlights I’ve had at the Lock-In in the past... FORDY’S Danger Darts Strong & Wrong Goring & Stokes: Nerds of a Feather Having a dartboard added danger when Thomas Parry of Hats will be worn, songs will be sung, Hilarious double-bill from pair of geeks, Pappy’s threw darts at my hand and luckily missed. I got my accents will be slaughtered and sketches LOL! Award winning Graham Goring (Best LOCK IN will be sketched in Strong & Wrong’s debut Show Manchester Comedy Festival 2009) own back later though when he ended up drinking his own sketch show. “Simply Great Fringe Comedy” and Leicester Mercury nominee Chris Stokes HIGHLIGHTS piss. Prat. **** (Three Weeks). “bizarre, ridiculous (Pleasance Comedy Reserve 2009, “Very and hilarious” **** (Latest 7) smart material” – ). Welcome to the Edinburgh Heartburn Hotel Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: Festival. The greatest I properly enjoyed myself last year and went for it every night. 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 – £5 boozeathon on earth. It hit me like a van on the last night of the festival when 7-8, 14-15, 21-22, 28-29 – £9(£8) 7-10, 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 – £7(£6) Some people seem to think this is a place for artistic I had the shivers all day. I tried to be healthy by having a 9-13, 16, 18-20, 23-27 – £8(£7) 11-12, 17-19, 23-26 – £6(£5) expression and the celebration of talent. Tosh. We all know the salad. It gave me heartburn. I woke up at home a month later Comedy 2:15pm – 3:15pm Just the Bar 2:40pm – 3:40pm Just Out of the Box Comedy truth. It’s about getting bozz-faced until the early hours and wondering where August had gone. waking up in England a month later. Stupid Stunts Nicki Hobday Conquers Space Eric’s Tales of The Sea - A Submariners Yarn Every night I’ll be hosting ‘Fordy’s Lock-In’. Everyone joining me in the pub is a comedian and pal. Come, drink and Chris Stokes launched himself off a high bar, onto a concrete Nicki knows how clever you are. That’s why This unique, Award Winning show was the stage and onto the floor. Ben Clarke leapt off a balcony. I drank she’s made this show for you. Especially. surprise hit of last years Fringe; gifted watch your favourite comedians swap the sorts of stories Über-theatre for the connoisseur; comedy raconteur Eric, gives us an insider’s view of they don’t usually tell on stage and getting into a right old a pint through a sock. I know, those two couldn’t believe they’d with real meaning. Today Nicki is aiming for life in a Nuclear Submarine been upstaged. the stars, and she doesn’t expect to miss... “Thrilling - A One in a Million Show” ***** state doing it. As well as seeing big comedy names like Tim Three Weeks Vine, Alun Cochrane and Pappy’s you’ll also I’ve had some classic shows in the past. Jon Richardson v Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: get to see rising stars like Carl Donnelly, Paul McCaffrey Richard Bacon; Gav Webster v Mick Ferry and v 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 – £5 (£4) and Seann Walsh. his own demons. 7, 13-14, 20-21, 27-29 – £7 7-8, 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 – £9.50(£8) Then, in the morning I’ll be picking over the remains of the night Come along, have a pint and join in the fun. 8-12, 15, 17-19, 22-26 – £6 9-12, 16, 18-19, 23-26 – £8.50(£6) and the papers of the morning with ‘Fordy’s Hangover Breakfast’. Fordy presents his Lock In at 00.20am and his Hangover Show at Theatre/Comedy 2:30pm – 3:30pm Just the Fancy Room 3:10pm – 4:10pm Just the Wee One Comedy Have a bacon cob and start the day with a sore head. 11.35am in the Fancy Room

JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 07 08 BOX OFFICE: 0131 556 5375 INFO: www.justthetonic.com BOX OFFICE: 0131 556 5375 INFO: www.justthetonic.com Piff the Magic Dragon: Piff-tacular 2 - Get Rich or Die Trying Mike Newall: Mr Famous The Three Englishmen Matt Tiller’s Awkward Situation Lock up your princesses! Piff’s back with Mike Newall is ‘Mr Famous’ - A title given to The Englishmen (TimeOut Critic’s Choice Musical comic celebrates those romantic brand new tricks and a magic-performing him by his friends because of his ‘glamorous’ 2009) present an hour of unmissable sketch disasters, social faux pas when the ground Chihuahua… This time he means business. life in stand-up. The show is a journey of and musical comedy. ‘Sharp comic instincts’ could swallow you. Quirky one-liners, songs ‘Unbelievable’ (BBC1), highs, lows, ambitions and the people who (Chortle). ‘Quick wit and charisma’ ***** and stand up in this warm engaging show. ‘A ‘**** Standing room only’ (BroadwayBaby). have influenced his life. (Three Weeks). ‘I came out grinning from ear very funny man’ (XFM Manchester) ‘Geekish to ear’ (Spoonfed). likeability’ (Chortle) www.threeenglishmen.co.uk Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5-8 – £5 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 – £5(£4) 5 & 6 – £5 9-12, 16, 18-19, 23-26 – £6(£5) 7-10, 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 – £7(£6) 7-15, 17-29 – £8(£7) 7-10, 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 – £7(£6) 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 – £7(£6) 11-12, 17-19, 23-26 – £6(£5) 11-12, 17-19, 23-26 – £6(£5) Comedy/Magic 3:15pm – 4:15pm Just the Big Room 4pm – 5pm Just Out of the Box Comedy Comedy / Sketch Show 4:45pm – 5:45pm Just Up the Road 4:55pm – 5:55pm Just the Bar Comedy / Music

The Leftovers Caroline Mabey: Eat Your Friends The Ginge, the Geordie and the Geek MANGA: The Body Tights Man Show Sketch comedy that dares to dream.* Jez Breakfast, the difficultest meal of the day, After selling over 3000 tickets last year the The big storm is back from Tokyo! is shouting (again), Neil can’t think (he’s especially at 4.35pm. Caroline Mabey’s got boys return with more silliness, surrealism, Through Japanese Manga, Anime and Game spilt tea on his deck shoes) and Simon is a cartoon coffee pot and a scrambled egg great characters and 80’s anthems. ‘All hail Shows, these non-verbal performers show blowing a whistle (don’t ask). A sketch show drawing. That might help. the new chiefs!’ ***** (Johnny Vegas) you 999 funny takes on daily life using simple (definitely) that’s wonky and charming(?). ‘Bloody brilliant!’ ****(Three Weeks) ‘side-splittingly funny sketches’ **** household props. Nominated for ‘The Malcolm *modest results ‘Pick of the week’(Guardian) (ThreeWeeks) Hardee Award’ 2009. Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 - £6.50 5 & 6 – £5 7-8, 14-15, 21-22, 28-29 –£7.50(£5) 7-16, 18-29 – £5 7-8, 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 - £10.50(£9.50) 7-8, 13-15, 20-22, 27-19 – £8(£7) 9-13, 17-20, 23-27 – £6(£5) 9-12, 16, 18-19, 23-26 - £9(£8) 9-12, 17-19, 24-26 – £7(£6) Comedy 3:20pm – 4:20pm Just Up the Road 4:35pm – 5:35pm Just the Wee One Comedy Comedy / Sketch Show 4:45pm– 5:45pm Just the Big Room 5:15pm – 6:15pm Just the Fancy Room Comedy

Holly Burn – Living and Dying After 2009’s critically acclaimed, sell-out show, Holly returns with more renegade character comedy that breaks all the rules. ‘Wonderfully abstract… surreal’ (Time Out London Critics’ Choice). ‘Dangerous but hilarious… daringly different’ (Stage). www.hollyburn.org.uk Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 – £5(£4) 7-16, 18-29 – £6.50(£5)

Comedy 3:35pm – 4:35pm Just the Bar

Wil Hodgson – Punkanory Punk storyteller, as seen on ‘’s Good News’ and on tour with Mark Thomas. ‘A natural storyteller, an engaging and eloquent speaker’ (Stage). A master raconteur. A wonderful, rolling, easy to listen to, hour-long masterpiece’ (Scotsman)

Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 – £5 7, 9-10, 13-14, 20-21, 27-29 – £9 8, 11-12, 15, 17-19, 22-26 – £8 Comedy 3:50pm – 4:50pm Just the Fancy Room

JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 09 10 Previews Thurs 5th/Fri 6th 7th – 29th (NOT 16th) EVERYDAY AT Early Show JUST THE TONIC AT THE CAVES 7.30pm – 9.00pm pm pm Late Show AT 7.40 – 8.50 EXCEpT 22ND/23RD 9.30pm – 11.00pm JOSIE LONG TOUR 2010 SEpTEmbER 5th cRUcIbLE STUDIO, ShEffIELD NOvEmbER 20th NORDEN faRm cENTRE fOR ThE aRTS, 0114 249 6000 | www.sheffieldtheatres.co.uk 10th mULL ThEaTRE, DRUImfIN, 4th LawRENcE baTLEy ThEaTRE, hUDDERSfIELD maIDENhEaD TObERmORy, ISLE Of mULL 7th SwINDON aRTS cENTRE, SwINDON 01484 430 528 | www.thelbt.org 01628 788 997 | www.nordenfarm.org 01688 302 828 | www.mulltheatre.com 01793 614837 | www.swindon.gov.uk 6th ThE OThER SIDE, ScaRbOROUGh 26th ThE hORSEbRIDGE cENTRE, whITSTabLE In recent years we discovered and brought 12th ThE IRONwORkS, INvERNESS 8th aRc ThEaTRE, TROwbRIDGE 0845 838 1558 | www.yorkshirecoastcomedy.co.uk 01227 281 174 | www.horsebridge-centre.org.uk 0871 789 4173 | www.tixdaq.com 0845 299 0476 | www.arctheatre.org.uk 7th EXETER phOENIX, EXETER 27th kETTERING aRTS cENTRE, kETTERING to Edinburgh before you had heard of them: 14th ThE STaND, EDINbURGh 10th LINcOLN DRILL haLL, LINcOLN 01392 667080 | www.exeterphoenix.org.uk www.ketteringartscentre.wordpress.com 0131 558 7272 | www.thestand.co.uk 01522 873 894 | www.lincolndrillhall.com 8th GRaND ThEaTRE, SwaNSEa 28th cITy ScREEN, yORk , Jim Jeffries,il Hodgson,, Jarred Justin Christmas, 15th ThE STaND, 12th haRROGaTE ThEaTRE, haRROGaTE 01792 475 715 | www.swansea.gov.uk 0871 704 2054 | www.picturehouses.co.uk 0844 335 8879 | www.thestand.co.uk 01423 502 116 | www.harrogatetheatre.co.uk 9th Ty pLaS, machyNLLETh 29th ThE LIbRaRy, LEEDS Moorhouse, Josie Long, WWalsh... plus loads of others 16th EaSTGaTE ThEaTRE, pEEbLES 13th DaRLINGTON aRTS cENTRE, DaRLINGTON www.plasmachynlleth.co.uk 0113 244 0794 | www.ticketweb.co.uk 01721 725 777 | www.eastgatearts.com 01325 486 555 | www.darlington.gov.uk 10th pENpONT, bREcON DEcEmbER John Richardson, Seann 21st ST aNDREwS UNIvERSITy, ST aNDREwS 14th pavILION ThEaTRE fOR bRIGhTON www.penpont.com 01334 462 730 | www.yourunion.net cOmEDy fESTIvaL, bRIGhTON 1st ThE whEaTShEaf, OXfORD 11th ThE GLObE, caRDIff www.oxfordcomedytickets.co.uk 23rd LEmON TREE, abERDEEN 01273 709 709 | www.brightoncomedyfestival.com 029 2023 0130 | www.theglobecardiff.com Unlike other package shows on the fringe we audition every 01224 641 122 | www.boxofficeaberdeen.com 15th whITE ROck ThEaTRE, haSTINGS 5th ThE cORNERhOUSE, NOTTINGham 12th bLackwOOD mINER’S INSTITUTE, bLackwOOD 0115 9100 009 | www.justthetonic.com 01424 462 288 | www.whiterocktheatre.org.uk 01495 227 206 | www.blackwoodminersinstitute.com week of the year to find the best new acts on the circuit. OcTObER 21st cOmEDy bOX aT ThE hEN & chIckEN, bRISTOL 16th pLayhOUSE, NORwIch Zarahuk 0117 902 0344 | www.thecomedybox.co.uk www.josielong.com Wes 1st XS maLaRkEy @ REmEDy, maNchESTER 01603 598 598 | www.norwichplayhouse.org.uk This year we present... ulian Deane, www.xsmalarkey.com 22nd SOUTh STREET aRTS cENTRE, REaDING 17th La Java, paRIS Stokes, J 2nd ThE bRIckyaRD, caRLISLE 0118 960 6060 | www.readingarts.com 0033 15319 9888 | www.anymatters.com Tickets for most shows available Early Show: Mark Simmons, LukeChris Benson, Nik Helm, Kai Humphries 08444 771 000 | www.thebrickyardonline.com cLoughzlin, 23rd fIREbUG baR, LEIcESTER 18th ThE JUNcTION, cambRIDGE : Danny M 3rd ThE DUkES, LaNcaSTER 0116 289 3524 | www.brcomedy.com 01223 511 511 | www.junction.co.uk from www.justthetonic.com Late Show 01524 598 500 | www.dukes-lancaster.org 24th LITTLE cIvIc, wOLvERhampTON 19th ThE NOOk cafE, NORThampTON 4th ELEcTRIc cINEma, bIRmINGham 0870 320 7000 | www.wolvescivic.co.uk 01604 639 090 | www.fishmarketgallery.co.uk 01216 437 879 | www.theelectric.co.uk 25th – 30th ThEaTRE, LONDON 0207 478 0100 | www.sohotheatre.com

BOX OFFICE: 0131 556 5375 INFO: www.justthetonic.com Nathan Cassidy: The Frog That Says Sausages Simon Donald is Completely Hatstand Nathan prepares for his Royal Variety Viz man turns his character creating skills Performance, where he’ll bin anything from page to stage in this 5 character 11pm – 1am offensive and instead do jokes that everyone one-man show, a specially developed version in the world adores. ‘Incredible - gloriously of his sell-out theatre production. “Donald’s (except 17th) entertaining’ (Chortle.co.uk). WARNING: ability to create characters didn’t stop at Viz Every night Contains most offensive joke ever. …Superb, inventive comedy.” (Stage) ‘ A champion of high-quality, leftfi eld Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: stand-up… a haven for the more 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 – £5 innovative side of comedy’ 7-12, 17-19, 23-26 – £6 (£5) 7-14, 17-29 – £7(£6) 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 – £7(£6) ‘ Consistently boasting some Comedy 5:20pm – 6:20pm Just Out of the Box 6:05pm – 7:05pm Just Up the Road Comedy of the most interesting line ups in the country’ Eric’s Laws of the Land WitTank , March 2009 Eric wants to make the world a better place, Big characters, inventive sketches and ‘ The best stuff just happens when but how? Eric’s laws will make life better for fast-paced fun for those who enjoy a riot but the vibe of the place is right… everyone, only trouble is they are not on the would rather sit in a theatre and laugh. Three This is the kind of spontaneous statute books, Yet! men who take silly very seriously. Hurry, this is combustion that you stay up for’ What laws get passed? important. **** Metro **** Thurs – Sat only Free Entry to Kate Copstick, The Scotsman 2009 You the audience decide… aftershow party Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: ‘Last night on Earth’ For up to the minute listings see 5 & 6 – £4 5 & 6 – £5 Occasionally hosted by with DJ Kingpin www.justthetonic.com Darrell ‘knows how to put 7-16, 18-29 – £5 7-12, 16, 18-19, 23-26 – £8.50(£7) on a show’ (The Times) Martin, or call the BOX OFFICE 0131 556 5375 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 – £9(£8) at other times he will Be ahead of the pack – bookings announced pay someone else. as we make them wwvw.twitter.com/justthetonic Comedy 6pm – 7pm Just the Wee One 6:15pm – 7:15pm Just the Big Room Music / Sketch Show

Get details of Just the Tonic Events Join the club, get some free tickets, keep in touch If you want to do any of these things then you can fill in this form and give it in at the box office in Edinburgh, send it to the address below or save everyone time and just go online to www.justthetonic.com and fill in our ‘members form’ Name* Address**

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JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 15 16 BOX OFFICE: 0131 556 5375 INFO: www.justthetonic.com

His Eyes Were Like Oysters Ant Dewson: I bought Richard Hammond’s underpants on eBay You have a tiny penis. I have a tiny penis. This show contains songs about love, puppies, Come and see our tiny penises. ‘They had tiny alternative uses for gravy, dead people, Carol penises’, Sporty Spice, Feb 1997. A surreal Vorderman, piercings and Richard Hammond’s and hilarious comedy show that you should underpants. It also contains bad piano playing definitely come and stare at. and jazz chords. Sorry.

Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 – £5(£4) 5 & 6 – £3 (£2.50) 7-16, 18-29 – £7(£6) 7, 13-14, 20-21, 27-28 – £6 (£5) 8-12, 15, 17-19, 22-26, 29 – £5(£4) Comedy 6:15pm – 7:15pm Just the Bar 6:45pm – 7:30pm Just Out of the Box Comedy / Music

Loretta Maine - “I’m Not Drunk, I Just Need To Talk To You” The Not Quite Quartet USA export Loretta Maine comes to the Great vocals, percussive guitar, improvisation, Festival with her band DogVagina, performing and hilarious stand-up. ‘… wit, intelligence, hits such as “Cock Sucking Mother F**ker” music… very funny.’(Richard O’Brien) and telling tales of her shitty life. “The sexiest ‘...better than getting a b***j** from 2 girls singer-songwriter you’ll ever come across” at the same time!.’ (BeardyMan) (Time Out) ‘… better than that!’ () Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 – £5 5-16, 18-29 – £7.50(£5) 7-8, 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 – £10(£9) 9-12, 17-19, 23-26 – £9(£8) Comedy / Music 6:35pm – 7:35pm Just the Fancy Room 7:25pm – 8:25pm Just the Wee One Music / Comedy

Josie Long in ‘Be Honourable’ at 7.40 in the Big Room and ‘Monsters of Whimsy’ at 11.40pm in the Wee Room

JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 17 18 Sing-a-Long with Loretta Maine C@*k Sucking Mother F#¢*er (Isn’t Love a Funny Thing)

So you thought you’d fuck around with her behind my back, But you didn’t see me coming with that baseball bat. It was all Hugs and Kisses but that was all lies

You’re just like all those other guys. So I took all your stuff and I threw it outside I covered it with kerosene and I watched it fry. Then I called up your boss and told him all you said,

Then I called your Mom and told her you were Dead. Isn’t love a funny thing,

Isn’t love a funny thing! I tell you what was funny, was how much that you bled, With only one single blow to your head And as you fell to your knees with your last fateful cry

I stubbed my cigarette out in your eye. This song holds a warning for all those who cheat Remember women wear stilettos on their feet And rings on their fists and daggers in their glare,

So if I were you I just wouldn’t dare. Ain’t it funny how your life went to the gutter? You c@*k sucking Mother f#¢*er! Loretta Maine performs with her band at 6.35pm in the Fancy Room

You can’t go into a My Little Pony deal with any kind of innocence or naivety. People selling Ponies will try and mug you off in all kinds of ways. First of all they try and pass off stuff as Ponies that clearly aren’t. You often find Rainbow Brite’s horse in there. Which clearly doesn’t belong.. Then you get the knock offs. Cheap forgeries bought by bewildered elderly relatives form obscure corner shops. They’re called things like “My Tiny Horsey”. The And even when you get to what you actually came for, the state they’re usually in turns your stomach and breaks your heart in Hustle equal measure. Some little girls shouldn’t be allowed toys in my opinion. When they cut the manes with scissors that’s one thing, by Wil Hodgson you can soap up what’s left of into into a Mohawk and make it The most interesting way to buy My Little into a My Little glue bag punk rocker. When they cut off the tail Ponies as a grown man is the home deal. though there’s not much you can do with that. It’s annoying when That’s where some guy who feels his you’ve come halfway across town to look at 40 My Little Ponies and you’re faced with 10 knock offs 10 items that shouldn’t be daughter is too old for such girlish trappings classed as My Little ponies and about 20 that are fit only for the advertises 40 Ponies for sale in the back of My Little Glue Factory. the paper and they’re always glad to see an I always get a good price though. The father just wants to get me overweight pink haired man in a leopard print and the Ponies out the door as quickly as possible just in case suit stood in their living room looking at the another freak turns up the next day. Ponies feet through a jeweller’s eyeglass. Wil Hodgson performs ‘Punkanory’ at 3.50pm in the Fancy Room

JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 19 20 BOX OFFICE: 0131 556 5375 INFO: www.justthetonic.com BOX OFFICE: 0131 556 5375 INFO: www.justthetonic.com The Big Value Show – Early Darrin Rose – What’s Potpourri? ‘Cabaret comedy at it’s best’ (The Award nominated Canadian comedian Darrin Scotsman) Four top comedians, 1.5 hour Rose tells tales of being raised by men – a show. In it’s 16th year as the recognised brother and a single father. Canadian launchpad for future stars. Featuring Mark Comedy Award (2007) and Canadian Simmons, Luke Benson, Nick Helm, Kai Screenwriting Award (2009 and 2010) Humphries. nominee. Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 – £5 7, 9-10, 13-14, 20-21, 27-29 – £10 7-15, 17-29 – £7(£6) 8, 11-12, 15, 17-19, 22-26 – £9 Comedy 7:30pm – 9:00pm Just Up the Road Comedy 8:05pm – 9:05pm Just the Fancy Room

Helen Arney’s Songs for Modern Loving Mick Ferry - The Missing Chippendale (Body Issues) Comic songs, ukuleles and stand-up to take Chippendales and screaming women ruined you through the highs, lows and heartaches a year of his life. Join Mick (fat man of looking for that perfect someone. and star of Michael Mcintyre’s Comedy “Engaging, twinkly-eyed stage presence” Roadshow) as he exacts his revenge. “His (Chortle) “Charming, witty, warm with great star is in the ascendancy” (Mirror) one-liners” **** (List) Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 – £5(£4) 5 & 6 – £5 7-16,18-29 – £8(£7) 7-12, 16, 18-19, 23-26 – £8.50(£7) 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 – £9.50(£8) Comedy / Music 7:35pm – 8:35pm Just the Bar Comedy 8:50pm – 9:50pm Just the Wee One

Josie Long - Be Honourable! Joey Page’s Marvellous Human Museum Josie presents a ramshackle call-to-arms. Come and visit Joey’s marvellously amusing Come along, or she’ll find you and cut human museum. A surreal compendium of your face up real good. She’s 5’5”. Every human beings portrayed through the rambling show she’s done has received 2,3,4 and 5* imagery of Joey Page’s chaotic mind. ‘An reviews, so she must be doing something. instinct for funny’ (Chortle) ‘Brilliantly inventive and imaginative’ (Josie Long) Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 – £5 7, 13-14, 20-21, 27-29 – £9 7, 9-10, 13-14, 20-21, 27- 28 – £7 8-12, 15-19, 24-26 – £8 8, 11-12, 15-16, 18-19, 22-26, 29 – £6 Comedy 7:40pm – 8:50pm Just the Big Room Comedy 8:55pm – 9:55pm Just the Bar

Seymour Mace - Hangin’ Out with Seymour Mace Henning Wehn - My Struggle I’m Seymour Mace. I’m single, I live alone Life as German Comedy Ambassador to the and I love it! Hang out and hear how I’ve is a right old struggle. Henning managed to dodge responsibility and remain will tell you all about it. Come along. Or else. as stupid as a bag of dead fish. ‘The Werner Herzog of comedy’ () ‘Absolutely brilliant’ (The Scotsman) Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 – £5 7-8, 11-12, 15, 18-19, 22, 24-26, 29 -£8.50(£7.50) 7, 13-14, 20-21, 27-29 – £9 9-10, 13-14, 20-21, 27-28 - £10.50(£9.50) 8-12, 15-16, 18-19, 24-26 – £8 16, 23 – £6.50(£5.50) Comedy 8:00pm – 9:00pm Just Out of the Box Comedy 9:10pm – 10:10pm Just the Big Room

JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 21 22 BOX OFFICE: 0131 556 5375 INFO: www.justthetonic.com BOX OFFICE: 0131 556 5375 INFO: www.justthetonic.com Tiernan Douieb – Littlest Things Gráinne Maguire - We Need to Talk About Bonnets Dr Brown Because Jo Wharmby - Let’s Talk About Sex You look lovely today. No, really. The Is living life like you’re in an Emily Bronte Visual and surreal comedy absurdist returns Outrageous touching true-life comedy about smallest things can really make someone’s novel a bad thing? Even if you’re a bit of a after world tour. “A deliciously awkward man.” 1 woman sleeping her way around the world. day. As a professional small thing, Tiernan pisshead and don’t own a bonnet...Grainne (****Adelaide Advertiser). “Completely bizarre. Including 3 reasons people avoid Oral, how not knows this well. ‘Hugely charming’ (Time begins the thorny debate. “Extremely Funny” I loved it.” (****Three Weeks). “I’ve never seen masturbating in peace leads to bad sex later Out). ‘Small in stature, not in talent’ (The (Times online) nothing like it.” (Prague Post). “Do not, under and why smaller men are better. Scotsman) any circumstances, miss it.” (Adelaide Fix). Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 - £5 7-10, 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 – £10(£9) 7-16, 18-19 – £7(£5) 7-15, 17-29 – £8(£7) 7-8, 11-12, 17-19, 23-26 - £6(£5) 11-12, 17-19, 23-26 – £9(£8) 9-10, 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 - £7(£5) Comedy 9:20pm – 10:20pm Just Out of the Box 10:15pm – 11:15pm Just the Wee One Comedy Comedy 11:05pm – 12:05am Just Up the Road 12:00am – 1:00am Just Out of the Box Theatre

The Big Value Show – Late Paul Ricketts – Kiss the Badge, Fly the Flag Phil Kay - Radio Free The 80’s Movie Flashback Four different comedians to the early show Paul’s uncomfortable in an England football Come witness meticulously planned Travel at 88 miles per hour, never put Baby in with all the added extras. ‘Top comedy, top shirt or waving the flag of St George – why? A mayhem. Finally, all the fantastic ideas that a corner, and find out what your favourite 80s value’ (The List) Established as one of the funny look at multi-cultural Englishness using Phil can never remember on stage can come movie characters are doing today. best shows on the fringe. Featuring Danny interviews, experiments, jokes and stories. out to shine in this live radio show recorded ‘I laughed so much i weed a little!’ (Scott McLoughlin, Chris Stokes, Julian Deane and “Highly accomplished” (TimeOut) as live in front of a live studio audience, live. Mills, BBC Radio 1) Wes Zaharuk. Tune in..set memory..adjust volume..listen. Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 – £5(£4) 5 & 6 - £5 7-12, 15, 17-19, 22-16 - £6(£5) 7, 9-10, 13-14, 20-21, 27-29 – £10(£9) 7, 14, 20-21, 27-28 – £7(£6) 7, 9-10, 13-14, 20-21, 27-29 - £10(£9) 13-14, 20-21, 27-18 - £7(£6) 8, 11-12, 15, 17-19, 22-26 – £9(£8) 8-12, 15, 17-19, 22-26, 29 – £6(£5) 8, 11-12, 15-16, 18-19, 22-26 - £9(£8) Comedy 9:30pm – 11pm Just Up the Road 10:40pm – 11:40pm Just Out of the Box Comedy Comedy 11:40pm – 12:40am Just the Bar 12:20am – 1:20am Just Up the Road Comedy

Foil Arms & Hog - Strangers with Sweets Pete Jonas - The Dark Side of the Poon Seymour Mace in ‘Seymourland’ Fordy’s Lock In Best of the Fest, Pick of the Fringe 2009. Fast-talking Pete Jonas looks at the Imagine a place where all your dreams come Join 6Music, 5Live and talkSPORT favourite Sell out EdFringe ’09. Hilarious sketch difficulties men face when breaking up true. Now, forget that place and imagine Matt Forde for a lock-in with the best Fringe comedy that will leave you with a satisfying with women, and why it’s women’s fault. Seymourland! If you think you’re stupid comedians every night. “Sore throats and sweet taste in your mouth! “Brilliant”(Stage), ****(Broadway Baby), enough, and can find the venue, then come stomach cramps guaranteed. Pure dead “Guaranteed to entertain”(Chortle), “Sheer along! Seymourland! Being stupid is what brilliant. * * * *’ (ThreeWeeks). ‘Perfectly good humour”(Scotsman) we do best. timed’ (Metro). * * * * * (one4review) Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 – £5 5 & 6 - £5 5 & 6 - £5 7-15, 17-29 – £8.50(£6.50) 7, 13-14, 20-21, 27-28 – £6 (£5) 7, 9-10, 13-14, 20-21, 27-29 - £8 7-10, 13-15, 20-22, 27-19 - £8(£7) 8-12, 15, 17-19, 22-26, 29 – £5(£4) 8, 11-12, 15-16, 18-19, 25-26 - £7 11-12, 17-19, 23-26 £6(£5) Comedy 9:30pm – 10:30pm Just the Fancy Room 10:55pm – 11:55pm Just the Fancy Room Comedy Comedy 11:40pm – 12:40am Just the Wee One 12:20am – 1:50am Just the Fancy Room Comedy

Yianni Agisilaou in ‘They %*&! You Up: Greek Parents’ Just the Tonic Comedy Club Josie Long’s Monsters of Whimsy Just The Tonic Aftershow Party - Last Night On Earth Here’s the story. Of my Dad, Essy. We run the the best comedy clubs all year. Josie Long presents terrfying late-night Imagine it’s the last night on Earth. That’s Who spent decades undermining his own ‘Boasting some of the most consistently knife-edge excitement. how hard we’re going to party! Going out son. Meanwhile Mum is passive aggressive. interesting bills in the country’ (The with a BANG! Free entry from venue’s last And Grandma’s got a gun. Times). We bring that to Edinburgh every shows (subject to availability). ‘sharp social commentary to compare night. ‘Comedy spontaneous combustion’ favourably with Woody Allen’ ****(Chortle) ****(Scotsman)

Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: Show Dates & Prices: 5 & 6 – £5 5-6, 8-12, 15-16, 18-19, 22-26 – £10 17 & 24 - £6 5 & 6 - £3 7-8, 11-12, 16, 18-19, 23-26 – £8(£7) 7, 13-14, 20-21, 27-29 – £12.50 7, 12-14, 19-21, 26-28 - £5 9-10, 13-15, 20-22, 27-29 – £10(£9) Comedy 10:15pm – 11:15pm Just the Bar 11pm – 1am Just the Big Room Comedy Comedy 11:40pm – 12:40am Just the Wee One 1:00am – 4:00am Just the Big Room PARTY!

Free late bar 1am - 4am Sunday - Wednesday Last Night on Earth Party 1am - 4am Thursday - Saturday £5 entry or free from late shows

JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 23 24 BOX OFFICE: 0131 556 5375 INFO: www.justthetonic.com JUST THE TONIC - INDEX OF SHOWS SHOW NAME START ROOM PERFORMER 80’s Movie Flashback, The 00.15 ROAD Rachel Anderson, Rik Moore, Fraser & Charlie Carlos Duncan Aaaaaay-Up! Topless Comedy Meets Bottomless Talent 13.45 WEE Mister Stillers & Ian Baker & Various Others 1.00AM – 4.00AM Ant Dewson: I bought Richard Hammond’s underpants on eBay 18.40 BOX Ant Dewson THURSDAY – SATURDAY Aspidistras - Secret Breakfast Gig, The 11.35 BAR Geradine Coyne & Maria Hodson FREE ENTRY FROM THESE SHOWS... Big Value Show - Early 19.30 ROAD Mark Simmons, Luke Benson, Nick Helm, Kai Humphries JUST THE TONIC COMEDY CLUB, Big Value Show - Late 21.30 ROAD Danny McLoughlin, Chris Stokes, Julian Deane and Wes Zaharuk FORDY’S LOCK IN, PHIL KAY’S Caroline Mabey: Eat Your Friends 16.35 WEE Caroline Mabey RADIOFREE, SEYMOURLAND, Charmed Forces 14.00 ROAD Neville Galvin, Liz Black & David Elms THE 80s MOVIE FLASHBACK Damion Larkin - Cuddly Loser 13.20 BOX Damion Larkin AND JOANNE WHARMBY Dark Night, The 23.00 BIG Jack Whitehall & Guests (THIS IS SUBJECT TO AVAILIBILITY, PLEASE SHOW YOUR TICKETS AT BOX OFFICE TO GET FREE ENTRY) Darrin Rose -What’s Potpourri? 20.05 FANCY Darrin Rose Dr Brown Because.. 23.05 ROAD Dr Brown Eric’s Laws of the Land 18.00 WEE Eric SUNDAY – WEDNESDAY Eric’s Tales of The Sea - A Submariners Yarn 15.10 WEE Eric COME TO OUR LATE BAR. WE HAVE A DJ, WE DRINK AND WE Foil, Arms & Hog - Strangers with Sweets 21.30 FANCY Sean Finegan, Sean Flanagan & Conor McKenna SEE WHAT HAPPENS. IT’S USUALLY FUN Fordy’s Lock In 00.15 FANCY Matt Forde & Guests DOOR POLICY – NO DICKHEADS Fordy’s Morning Hangover Show 11.35 FANCY Matt Forde & Guests (THE MANAGEMENT RESERVE THE RIGHT TO DEFINE THIS!) Ginge, the Geordie and the Geek, The 16.45 BIG Paul Charlton, Graeme Rooney &Kevin O’Loughlin Goring & Stokes: Nerds of a Feather 14.40 BOX Graham Goring & Chris Stokes ‘ FABULOUS WARREN OF CAVERNS AND CORNERS Gráinne Maguire - We Need to Talk About Bonnets 22.15 WEE Gráinne Maguire ENTRY £5 WHICH COME INTO THEIR Helen Arney’s Songs for Modern Loving 19.35 BAR Helen Arney IMAGINE IT'S THE LAST THURS/FRI/SAT OWN WHEN THE CLUBBING Henning Wehn - My Struggle 21.10 BIG Henning Wehn FREE LATE BAR STARTS. VINYL ON THE DECKS, PARTY IN YOUR His Eyes Were Like Oysters 18.15 BAR Phoebe Walsh & Phillip Dunning NIGHT ON EARTH... OTHER NIGHTS HEART. HAVE A NIGHT IN Holly Burn - Living and Dying 15.35 BAR Holly Burn THAT'S HOW HARD A CAVE, IT’S FUN!’ Jo Wharmby - Let’s Talk About Sex 00.00 BOX Jo Wharmby KATE COPSTICK, WE'RE GOING TO PARTY THE SCOTSMAN 2009 Joey Page’s Marvellous Human Museum 20.55 BAR Joey Page Josie Long - Be Honourable! 19.40 BIG Josie Long Josie Long’s Monsters of Whimsy 23.40 WEE Josie Long Just the Tonic Comedy Club 23.00 BIG Various Just the Tonic’s Last Night on Earth - Aftershow Party 1.00 BIG YOU! Leftovers, The 15.20 ROAD Simon Eves, Jez Scharf & Neil Wates PHIL KAY ANSWERS Loretta Maine - “I’m Not Drunk, I Just Need To Talk To You” 18.35 FANCY Loretta Maine Magicians! Behind the Magic!! 12.00 BOX Richard Crawley & Alex Swift MANGA: The Body Tights Man Show 17.15 FANCY 3 GAGA Heads HIS OWN FAQ’S Matt Tiller’s Awkward Situation 16.55 BAR Matt Tiller Mick Ferry - The Missing Chippendale (Body Issues) 20.45 WEE Mick Ferry q. When were you happiest? Mike Newall: Mr Famous 16.00 BOX Mike Newall a. Three times in twenty minutes Nathan Cassidy: The Frog That Says Sausages 17.20 BOX Nathan Cassidy Nicki Hobday Conquers Space 14.30 FANCY Nicki Hobday Not Quite Quartet, The 19.25 WEE Dale Campbell & Ricky Tart q. How would you like to be remembered? Obama Mia! 13.45 BIG Rory Carron, Brianne Fitzpatrick, Eoghan Quinn & Matthew Smyth a. All hazily in the black and white of memory as an Paul Ricketts - Kiss the Badge, Fly the Flag 22.40 BOX Paul Ricketts epic kind handsome helpful great,great dad. Pete Jonas - The Dark Side of the Poon 22.55 FANCY Pete Jonas Phil Kay - RadioFree 23.35 BAR Phil Kay Piff the Magic Dragon: Piff-tacular 2 - Get Rich or Die Trying 15.15 BIG Piff the Magic Dragon q. What trait do you deplore in yourself? Sex, Lies & The KKK 12.55 BAR Abie Philbin-Bowman a. Define ‘what’. Seymour Mace - Hangin’ Out with Seymour Mace 20.55 BOX Seymour Mace Seymour Mace in Seymourland! 23.40 WEE Seymour Mace q. What phrases do you overuse? Seymour Mace’s Dafternoon Show 12.20 WEE Seymour Mace Simon Donald is Completely Hatstand 18.05 ROAD Simon Donald a. ‘..come run with me in the wet moonlight’ Strong & Wrong 14.15 BAR Anna-Maria Nabiyre & Daniel Hope Susan Calman Chats Up... 12.55 FANCY Susan Calman & Guests q. What extinct thing would you bring back to life? Three Englishmen, The 16.45 ROAD Ben Cottam, Nick Hall, Jack Hartnell & Tom Hensby a. The Richard Harris Tiernan Douieb - Littlest Things 21.20 BOX Tiernan Douieb Tom Williams - Ladies and Gentlemen Of The Jury 12.40 ROAD Tom Williams Watch Phil Kay perform a live radio show at 11.40pm in Just the Bar Wil Hodgson - Punkanory 15.50 FANCY Wil Hodgson WitTank 18.15 BIG Kieran Boyd, Mark Cooper-Jones & Naz Osmanoglu WOLF 12.15 BIG Various Yianni Agisilaou in ‘Greek Parents: They %*&! You Up 22.15 BAR Yianni Agisilaou JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 JUST THE TONIC EDINBURGH 2010 25 26