SUNDAY, JANUARY 31, 2021 (PAGE 3) SACRED SPACE FORBEARANCE helps face difficulties How to be a failure? Akhtar Ul-nisa it to grow strong and pure we need to be regular in our spiritual practices and assert our Ankush Sharma stories", nobody gives a damn to the "failure stories". But it Forbearance is the ability to respond to a independence from the desire in the mind. It needs must not be ignored that the failed people have faced multi- situation of failure, disappointment, pain patience, presence, grace and focus. Failure! Yes, you have read right. This write-up will surf dimensional hurdles in their struggle and are more experi- you through the various paths leading to the failure. It may enced compared to the toppers especially those who got suc- or conflict with understanding and Significance of forbearance seem absurd but believe me, it would make sense in a few cess early. It is not to say that the toppers are not insightful minutes read. In fact, it has something crucial to offer to rather what I mean is that some people have inbuilt brilliance The quality of forbearance is of the highest importance composure. those who are aspiring to achieve success in their lives. or a good schooling background which might not be every- to every human being. Forbearance and nonviolence are It is bearing the physical, mental and emotional pain Success may have different meanings to different people but one's case. So, it's the failed people who can actually eluci- manifestation of inner strength. Reactivity and retaliation with strong and steady faith without lamenting or worry- the paths leading there have a common and a simple princi- date the worst struggle scenarios and impediments allowing make us to lose precious energy, forbearance on the other ing. It is all about self regulation and patience. ple i.e. hard work. However, sometimes we have to face fail- the aspirants to get prepared from the very start. Toppers are hand strengthenes our character as well as our capacity to Forbearance is the capacity to forgive the offender with- ure repeatedly even after the hard work. Why does it happen good at teaching the helpful things to do and failed aspirants do good deeds and get inner peace. out expecting any apology or repentance. It is the capaci- so? To understand this, we have to divide our work into two are good at highlighting the things not to do. Both are equal- We always use the word ‘because’ for excuses or to jus- ty to forgive offender before he or she repents. types of activities, let's term them useful and harmful. The ly important. tify our behavior. Forbearance help us to divide the word useful activities are helping us towards success and others It is defined as a stance that involve choosing not to Now, the most misleading suggestion to the aspirants is to “because” into two parts ‘Be’ and ‘cause’ to make it bene- are pulling us back. So it is no wrong to say that useful activ- respond to other’s harm or injustice with anger and study 6-8 hours a day, but we should know that the time ficial for us. Be refers to being involved and cause refers ities are the answer to the question 'How to be successful? doesn't matter instead the quantity and quality of study mat- vengefulness. It is tolerance based on conscious accept- to good work. So, forbearance help us not to use the word And harmful activities answer 'How to be a failure?' ters. It's always wise to have a topic or a chapter as a study ance situation of pain and hardships. When one learns to because to give excuses, but instead use it to empower Sometimes our hard work is wrapped up by such harmful target of a day or a week rather than having just a time figure separate the anger from the angry person, he or she is ourselves. habits that destroy its value as well. Hence, knowing the which won't reveal to you the quality of yourstudy. The topic able to drop all the grudges against the person and get the BE A CAUSE in creating a change. activities leading us to failure can actually help us to be suc- targeted study would make this study-hours idea useless as strength to forgive abusers. It is a natural expression of BE A CAUSE in keeping people happy. cessful. All we have to do is to do away with these activities. the hours may vary according to the capability of the person compassion which is key to greater well being. BE A CAUSE in making this world a better and peace- Being born and growing up in a populous country like and his grasping power. Also, to explain further, if you start The three pillar of forbearance are tolerance, patience ful place to live in. India is an altogether different experience as compared to the calculating time, then who would decide that you studied and forgiveness. When one choose to becomes mindful in rest of the world. Every minute, dozens of children take birth In a conflict especially in religiously in the prescribed time and not spared even a jiff to here, not just to live but to compete as well. Competition is a an intimate relationship the distractions? In today's world, the biggest distraction is lifelong companion of every Indian, especially in its urban the internet. It is a general habit of the students to open the where emotional investment sphere. It might be true with other countries as well but I am phone while studying for some study purpose like Wikipedia, are high if either of the two concerned with the Indians. From the very birth parties- are able to bring to the death, Indians grow through hundreds of more forbearance into their competitions, scaling from getting a bed in a hos- interaction, they have an pital for birth to getting a space in the excellent chance of insuring ShamshanGhat /graveyard for the cremation. that difficult exchanges not At home, the morning rises with the compe- to spiral into an exchange of tition of reading the newspapers. Also, the strug- reactivity. Generally in close gle for using the bathroom is not uncommon. The relationships where both the higher levels of struggle start after we step out of sides take care for each our homes. The roads are stowed with vehicles other, there is a lot more moving in chaos rupturing the traffic rules. The room for people to bring actual struggle starts with the use of public trans- their best through patience port. You need good stars to grab a seat in the and understanding. buses, fully packed with the passengers. Further, Forbearance helps us to a mere mention of Government offices is enough in this context. Either you should have enough face the difficulties and time to wait in the long queues or be influential adversities of life with opti- enough to skip the queue. Corruption is also a mism grit, determination byproduct of this competition. and contentment. A forbear- In contemporary times, the competition ing person didn’t whine, which is on the trend list especially among our groan or complain and youth is about securing a slot that may be on a a difficult situation, one tends to be peaceful and happy, always has good faith on God for the positive things to bus, train, or in a school, college, and most instead of being right. This is when forbearance comes happen. A successful person is one who can lay a firm importantly securing a job. Every student since into practice and we start believing that our patience will foundation with the bricks that other throws at him. the day s/he enters the school is raced up for the achieve more than our force. You must have heard of an oyster a small mollusc who competitions. The competition to get higher produce pearls and it lives in sea. Occasionally, a grain of grades than friends, to get into a good college Cultivating Forbearance sand enters the oyster shell and starts irritating the sensi- after school, then to get a decent job after col- lege;throughout this journey, competition stays with them as tive tissue .But, instead of complaining that ‘the sea did dictionary, etc. but then most of them end up browsing Forbearance is best cultivated under adverse circum- a stressful companion. Each time it gets greater and even not taken enough care of it and the nature has not closed through social media sites, YouTube and all. It takes a blink stances, and therefore it is better to welcome hardships greater. to know that hours have passed; pages of the book keep wait- instead of regarding them as problems. Perhaps the first the shell properly, the oyster take responsibility of the Desiring a decent job in India means to get ready for a ing to be turned over. Further, wasting a lot of time talking to step towards practicing forbearance on a daily basis is by things single mindedly and efficiently engages in the task fierce contest in the competitive exams. These exams call for friends, eating, playing games in the name of relaxation also focusing on ourselves and our situation than on other of getting rid of the irritating grain of sand. hard work with the right kind of strategies. Everyone starts jabs the quality study hours. It is not that all such activities people. Be mindful of every hassle be it slow traffic or a And guess what happens in the process? preparation with the Google search "How to crack a compet- should be prohibited; instead, you should remember the fact long queue, so that these small and everyday things may By becoming a cause’ the oyster transform a useless, itive exam?" Then it surfs through various strategies, books, that everything is helpful only when used in a healthy man- not allow us to lose our mental balance.