Including Venture Science Fiction

Chameleon RON GOULART 4 A Miracle Too Many PHILIP H. SMITH and ALAN E. NOURSE 19 Slips Take Over MIRIAM ALLEN DEFORD 30 Olsen and the Gull ERIC S"I:. CLAIR 41 Carbonaceous Chondrites THEODORE L. THOMAS 47 Four Brands of Impossible (novelet) NORMAN KAGAN 48 The New Encyclopaedist II STEPHEN BECKER 74 Books AVRAM DAVIDSON 77 Elementary LAURENCE M. JANIFER and MICHAEL KURLAND 81 Science: The Haste-Makers ISAAC ASIMOV 91 The Deepest Blue in the World S.DORMAN 102 Inconceivably Yours WILLARD MARSH 109 The Star Party ROBERT LORY 117 A Crown of Rank Fumiter VANCEAANDAHL 124 F&SF M.twketplace 129 Cover by Mel Hunter (see page 90)

Joseph W. Ferman, PUBLISHER Avram Davidson, EXECUTIVE EDITOll

Jsaoc Asimov, SCIENCE EDITOR Edward L. Ferman, MANAGING EDITOR

Ted White, ASSISTANT EDITOR

The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Volume 27, No. 3, Whole No. 160, Set>t. 1964. Published monthly by Mercury Press, Inc., at 40t a copy. An11ual subscril'tio" $4.50; $5.00 in Canada and the Ptn• America" Union; $5.50 in all other countries. Publi­ cation office, 10 Ferry Street, CoKcord, N. H. Editorial aKd general moil shonld be sent to 347 East 53rd St., NI!VI York, N. Y. 10022. Second Cltus postage paid at Concord, N. H. Printed iK U.S.A. C 1964 by MercKry Press, Inc. All rights, including translations into other language•, resnv•d. Submissions must be accompanied by stamped, self-addressed envelopes; the P11blisher assumes no responsibility for return of unsolicited manuscripts. Can readers help us with a perplexing problem? It has to do with Ron Goulart and his socially objectionable problem of submitting stories written on transluscent paper which is hard on the editor's eyes. We have repeatedly asked him not to, and have several times considered placing an embargo. All these efforts, however, have been stymied repeatedly by the fact that stubborn Mr. Goulart writes Good Stories . . . like this one about the glorious and trouble-shooting Chameleon Corps. "My advice to you," said the drunk anchorite, revealing the secret of life: "Take a good course in accounting . . . Avoid lawsuits . . . Don't drink to excess and make a formal will ..."" We would like to add, "And don't write on transluscent paper-but what's the use?

CHAMELEON

by Ron Goulart

THE MIDDLE ROW OF VIEW every good man's respect." screens showed a half dozen Azeler added, "We put your file images of a wrecked man. Resting through one of PEO's personnel his palms on his backside, the brains, Jolson. You're not the best Chief stopped pacing the office man in the Chameleon Corps by and said, "I can't buy him." any means." Azeler, the Junior Chief, jerked }olson's dark eyes narrowed. his pale close cropped head in "For the last five months I've been agreement. "Too pathetic, not in the wholesale pottery business. heroic." Then yesterday CC recalled me for Slouched in a dark wing chair an emergency mission. You're free Ben Jolson said, "Which is why to request another man." you sent for a Chameleon Corps "You're all that's available in man?" these tense times," said Chief Prit­ Chief Prittikin said, "Can't you tikin. sit up straight during a briefing, "We're hoping," said Azeler, Jolson? After all, the Political "your notorious instability won't Espionage Office should command crop up on this assignment." Jol- 4 CHAMELEON 5 son's slump was making Azeler UD­ Chief Prittikin said, •Jt's a easy and he kept ab!lently throw­ shame so many martyrs end up ing his narrow shoulders back. looking so unattractive." ''Once on Peregrine you refused to 'Where is Cutler now?" }olson stop playing your role. It took six asked. Police Corps men to make you "In a sanitarium near here. We come back home to Barnum here." brought him in secretly from Pedra "I liked that part," said }olson. after his pardon came through." "Being the ruler of that jungle The Chief reached up and kingdom. I like outdoor work." punched the switch that cut off the "Later, on Murdstone, you spent pictures. "I can't stand too much two months being a baboon," con­ of him. He doesn't lift my spirits." tinued the Junior Chief. "He's not hero material," said "That was a mistake now that I Azeler. "So few heroes are. That's look back on it." where you come in, Jolson." "This," said Chief Prittikin, The Chief laughed with relief. pointing at the hollow looking man "Let's look at those pictures of F. on the screens, "is our problem at Scott Cutler at his trial." He threw the moment." another switch and the top bank "Can you become him'?" Azeler of monitor screens lit up and asked }olson. showed an assortment of younger, "Sure. You don't want him look­ upright Cutlers. "He was thirty ing that bad, though, do you'?" four then. A bit weak in the chin "Of course not," said the Chief. perhaps but I could buy that man ''That's the whole trouble." as a positive figure." "His name," said Azeler, "I go along," said Azeler. "Jol­ straightening so much that he was son, we want you to be the man standing up, "is F. Scott Cutler." Cutler might have been if he had "I read about him," said }olson. aged more gracefully and not suc­ ~Imprisoned on Pedra for six and a cumbed to prison conditions." half years. By mistake as it turned }olson stood and came up to out. Probably a frameup. Before study the images. "Isn't there a that he was a rising military man chance Cutler will recuperate on on the planet of Barafunda." Jtis own? Why not wait?" "Just look at him, though," said "It will take," said Azeler, "a full Azeler. Cutler was sitting in a cane year and even then we can't be chair in an all grey room mutter­ sure." ing to himself. His hands danced "A clean limbed, sturdy, posi­ gently in his lap and his shadow tive-looking F. Scott Cutler has to rimmed eyes blinked too rapidly. appear on Barafunda by this week­ "That's not my idea of a hero." end," explained the Chief. 6 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION His eyes on the moving pictures long time anti-zombie man," said of the former Cutler, Jolson said, Azeler, "will have a favorable in­ "Why?" fluence on Jennifer Crosby. His re­ "Barafunda, as you may know," turn to Barafunda and the attend­ said Azeler, "still uses reactivated ant parades, speeches and cere­ workers in many of its nonskilled monies will be onlv one of the as­ industries." sorted pressures that the Political "Zombies," said }olson. "That's Espionage Office has planned and right. Cutler got in trouble, in in various stages of operation." part, because he was against the "This weekend," said Chief using of zombies." Prittikin, sitting rigidly down, "a "There is still a strong pro­ reception celebrating Jennifer zombie faction on Barafunda," Crosby's first half year in office will said the Junior Chief. "The Presi­ be held in the capital of Bara­ dent of the United Territories is, funda. We're hoping she can be however, believed to be anti-zom­ pushed into making an anti-zom­ bie." bie statement at the reception." Jolson said, "That's that pretty "How tall is Cutler?" asked }ol­ girl, isn't it? The current Presi­ son, backing away from the view dent." screens. "Jennifer Crosby," said Azeler. "Two inches taller than you," ''Five feet five, 11 0 pounds, com­ said Azeler. "His weight should be plexion medium, hair auburn, pos­ about vours. It isn't of course be­ ture and muscle tone excellent, cause ~f his eating habits while a age twenty six, formerly President prisoner. For the purposes of your in Territorv #13. She won the masquerade we'll say he weighs presidency ·of Barafunda at last what you do." season's Seaside Political Festival. }olson frowned and shifted his She'll hold office for another two position slightly. Then he grew years." two inches. "About right?" "And you want Cutler," said Azeler, swallowing, said, "Fine. }olson, "to work on this President 1 never get used to you fellows, Crosby girl. Get her to come out though." He added, "Being chosen positively against the zombie for the Chameleon Corps must be trade." quite an elating thing." "We know she's considering the "I was twelve when I was almost immediate issuing of a tapped to start undergoing the proclamation against the whole conditioning and processing," said zombie industry," said the Chief, }olson. "At the time I guess I was striding over to his low grey desk. elated. My father arranged it. He "Cutler, as a now-hero and a was." He tucked his chin once and CHAMELEON 7 his face blurred and his features sleepbriefing and a quick course in quivered and shifted. Cutler's voice and background. Turning away Azeler said, "You You'll be on tomorrow's rocket to are aware of our central Keystone Barafunda, arriving on the morn­ government's reasons in this Bara­ ing of the day after. That will give funda business?" you a couple of days to work on "Sure. They want all the planets Jennifer Crosby before the recep­ in the Barnum system to have fully tion." automated factories and so on." "Be sure not to get in the way ]olson checked his new face with of our other pressure groups," said the images of Cutler. "Automation Prittikin. is more functional, less expensive. "Tell them the same for me,'" Besides which, the Keystone gov­ said ]olson. He took a last look at ernment quietly controls two of the still running films of F. Scott our biggest automating outfits. Cutler and walked to the door. Whereas, the zombie process is Azeler came alongside him. "I'll privately owned." escort you to Indoctrination." "You're not pro-zombie?" said "By the way," said ]olson, "do the Chief, half-rising. you have any information on a guy "I'm pro nothing," said ]olson. named Jose Terranova?" "Well? Is this what you want?" The Junior Chief reached for The Junior Chief moved up to the door lever. "He's a citizen of study him. "That's wonderful." He Barafunda, isn't he?" glanced at Prittikin. "A little more "Yeah," said ]olson. "When I suffering around the eyes?" was at the Chameleon Corps Sen­ "Yes," agreed the Chief. He mo­ ior Academy I used to follow his tioned to ]olson. "Walk up to me exploits. I just thought of him and let's see how you register." now. He was Barafunda's greatest ]olson walked. "Okay?" romantic figure. A great operator. I "Beautiful," said Chief Pritti­ admired him." kin. "I buy it. Could you fake the "A thoughtless womanizer and chin just a bit, make it a little more playboy," said Azeler. "He dropped positive?" from sight several years ago." He "Like this?" turned to face the Chief. "I'll re­ The Chief popped up, patting port back shortly." himself on the backside. "I'm "Excellent," said Prittikin, abundantly satisfied. I know this laughing. ''I'm really very happy is an image that's going to sell." with the way this has gone so far." "Definitely," said Azeler. "Now, "So far," said ]olson, following ]olson, you can report to our In­ Azeler into the quiet green corri­ doctrination Cottage for some dor. 8 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION }olson shook his head and came from his closet area. }olson poured the poisoned cup of choco­ looked around the room. He un­ late into the dispozehole of his seamed the robe and tossed it small metallic cabin. He was still down on the chair. He hesitated a half a day away from Barafunda and then crossed silently and sat and this was the third poison at­ on the edge of the bunk. He con­ tempt. Not to mention the retired centrated and changed into a good dentist who had taken a shot at facsimile of a orange tufted pillow. him in the TV lounge. The Bara­ Some of the Chameleon Corps men funda pro-zombie faction was ap­ didn't like to switch to inanimate parently as well informed and things but it had never bothered widespread as the anti group. They }olson too much. In fact, it was already knew that the man they less unsettling than being another believed to be F. Scott Cutler was human. heading for their planet to do them The bright closet door arced harm. Maybe they even knew he open and a fat sweat-dotted man was a fake. Either way they were in a blue sleep robe dropped into trying to eliminate him. the cabin. He had a stun pistol in }olson was in his sleeping robe. his hand and a medical kit tucked He scratched himself and sat on into the fat shoulder crotch be­ the arm of his relaxachair and tween his left arm and side. He rocked thoughtfully. He, his real scanned the cabin and then ran }olson self, was twenty-nine now into the bathroom. He came back and the Chameleon Corps work and dropped to all fours in the bothered him increasingly. You room's center. "Now where in the could never, once they'd processed heck is he?" the perspiring fat man you, quit the CC. You could go in­ asked himself. "Hiding in some active after a certain number of other quarter of this vast ship I'll years. It always hung over you, wager. Cutler's turning out to be a though. They had called }olson more artful dodger than I had at back twice since he'd dropped out first fancied." The fat man rose up of the corps five months ago. He'd and padded into the closet. In a never really liked it but, as Aze­ second the sliding secret door ler's files showed in detail, }olson sounded again. had enjoyed some of the fringe }olson decided to remain as he activities of his work. But he was was. He spent the sleep period as becoming increasingly interested the pillow. in devoting his time and effort to being only Ben }olson. It seemed }olson, playing it safe, came about time. down the disembarking ramp A faint polished sliding sound wearing his own face. Even so, he CHAMELEON 9 flinched when something was Pushing to his feet Jolson thrown at him. It turned out to be looked at the tall wide man who only a handful of yellow Bower had grabbed his arm. "The Presi­ petals, let loose by an impetuous dent send you?" member of a grade school reception "Yes," the man said, Bicking committee. The little girl apolo­ open his dark coat to reveal the gized and asked }olson for her secret identification labels sewn in petals back. it. "I'm Dennis Winslow. For the The crowd seemed about half lord's sake, come along with me." for F. Scott Cutler and a quarter He swung out his hand and against, with the rest there to meet clamped a pair of dark glasses on other passengers. Parked against a Jolson. "There. Now act natural. far blue grillwork fence was a long I'm not known to the pro-zombies shiny ground car with the official and we may be able to get away seal of· Barafunda on its side and from here on a couple of bicycles. roof. }olson worked free of the I had hoped to catch you while you crowd and moved casually in the were still on board, Cutler, but car's direction. you slipped by." There was a plainclothes driver They had started walking, away at the wheel, stiff and straight­ from the remains of the car, as the staring. When }olson was clear of crowd hustled toward it. "I take the assorted reception groups he it," said Jolson in his Cutler voice, let himself return to the resem­ "my release is not universally ap­ blance of F. Scott Cutler. "You preciated." sent to meet me?" he called to the "No," said the government man. driver. "I wanted to sneak you in without "For heaven's sake, get down!" any fanfare. Orders came from called someone behind him. Keystone itself calling for pomp }olson turned, dropping to one and ceremony. They won't listen knee. "What?" on Barnum. Have the idea they The land car blew up. know how things actually are on }olson Battened, cradling his Barafunda. Here." head with his locked hands. A Two black bicycles leaned piece of plastic bumper nicked at against a striped out building on his elbow and a heavy fragment of the edge of the spaceport grounds. tire slapped into the small of his "Can we slip into the capital on back but that was all. these?" "The car was a decoy, driver a "Let's hope to the good lord we dummy," said a raspy voice. "They can," said Winslow. "Hop on." went for it. You've exposed your­ "Okay," said }olson, running his self, though, which is a mistake." bike along after Winslow's. 10 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION Winslow juntped onto his bike on his side, hidden by the grass. and rode through an opening in He had gotten out of his clothes the fence. and footgear before a voice shout­ "How far is the capital?" }olson ed, "Over there! The grain is wav­ asked, mounting his rolling cycle. ering." "Don't you remember?" }olson changed into a small "Roughly three miles as I re­ compact neutral colored rodent. call," said }olson, letting his sleep­ He crept carefully away from his briefing knowledge answer for clothes, scurrying and dodging, him. "I've been gone for quite hoping he wasn't making waves. awhile." "What the heck," one of the "Understandable." pro-zombie men said. "He's The countrvside was free of stripped down to the buff. Left all buildings, low bills bordering both his clothes behind." sides of the rundown road they "Fear brings on strange reac­ were using. After a few minutes tions," said someone else. they passed a roadside restaurant "Screw you," thought }olson. He that announced it sold frozen changed himself to a local grass­ harkness, which }olson's Cutler colored bird and twittered for background told him was a custard awhile. He hopped further from made from a native Barafunda the men, making sure he estab­ plant. lished the idea that he was a bird. }olson's mind was checking de­ }olson chanced a spring into the tails and his body was intent on air. Nobody shot at him and he pedaling the bike. He jerked his flew away in what he hoped was head when Winslow suddenly the direction of the capital city. cried out. "What?" asked }olson. "Into the fields," yelled Wins­ The sign hanging askew on the low, letting his cycle carry him off dirty stone building said: Wel­ the roadway. He was in midair, come To The Tenderloin. Opti­ aiming for the grass, when a blast­ mists Meet Every Tuesday At The er rille crackled and Winslow Lighthouse Mission. Jolson had ceased to be there. become a scrubby looking dog and }olson threw himself into the he was working his way through high crisp grass and rolled. He'd the outskirts of town. He was won­ had a glimpse of the two land cars dering how charitable the social that blocked the road and the grey welfare groups in the capital's ten­ suited men running from them. derloin would be. If he walked Maybe they wanted him alive but into a welfare store completely he didn't feel like gambling on it. naked would they generously He unsealed his suit as he edged clothe him or would they make ar- CHAMELEON 11 rangements to lock him up some­ years older than his trousers and place. his cap was of the style that had Maybe he could slip into a sec­ been popular in the Barnum sys­ ondhand clothing store and sneak tem when }olson was in his teens. a suit of clothes without being That hat and the way the man seen. The F. Scott Cutler role was moved, now that he was capable of too dangerous to continue with. moving again, added to }olson's }olson had made up his mind to initial impression. This derelict work out an alternate plan. He'd was his old hero, Jose Terranova, tell the Political Espionage Office once Barafunda's greatest roman­ and the Chameleon Corps about it tic figure. A prolific lover and re­ after he'd done the job of getting knowned swashbuckler. the President to make an anti­ }olson followed him. It took zombie proclamation. He prefered Terranova several minutes to work working this way, which was one down the block and through the reason for his complex reputation. doorway of a hotel which seemed He trotted along the dusty street, to be named, according to its keeping clear of the sprawled dere­ transparent door, simply Hotel. licts. Down this close to the street }olson changed into a rodent again the tenderloin had an intense odor to be less noticeable in the tattered he'd never noticed when walking lobby. He hurried up the swaying upright in similar places. flower-patterned ramp after Terra­ A lopsided man with a veined nova. nose and cheeks came up and The old swashbuckler let him­ kicked Jolson. Jolson considered self, eventually, into room 3 and biting him but couldn't work him­ }olson dived in before the door self up to it. He trotted faster and closed. While Terranova hinged reached the corner. Across the over onto a military cot Jolson in­ cobblestone street was a vast sec­ vestigated the closet. There were ondhand clothing store with three no extra shoes but Terranova had entrances. Steamer trunks made a a spare pair of trousers and a pull­ protective wall in front of its time over tunic. Turning back to him­ smeared windows. self again }olson put the old clothes Jolson crossed over and was on. about to sneak into an unguarded He stepped into the room and doorway when he saw a man leap said, "Mr. Terranova?" out of a bar and grill named The Terranova's surprise took the Realms Of Gold. The man flapped form of a brief grunt. "So?'' his arms and shuffied to keep his "I was a great admirer of yours." balance. He was tall, in his forties "Good." Terranova had a large, someplace. His coat was a few sharp cut face with a strong, 12 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FlcriON though fuzzy now, profile. His hair Too much pressure, boffing every was too long, tangled and grizzled. which broad. Too demanding. I "I'm Ben }olson, from Barnum." live like an anchorite now. A "Swell," said Terranova. "How drunk anchorite. But all the same." come you have my yachting outfit Terranova looked up at }olson. on?" "Why'd they ambush you?" "I was ambushed outside of "The pro-zombie partisans don't town and lost my clothes." want me to get to the President." "Funny kind of ambush." Terra­ "You know," said Terranova, nova shrugged vaguely. "Bring my "that girl, Jennifer Crosby. I knew clothes back when you're through. her family. When she was fifteen They steal all your stuff around she had a crush on me. Well, so here anyway. I never take this did most all the girls on Bara­ casual outfit off anymore." funda. Jenny I knew and she "I still don't understand exact­ wrote me letters. A nice sensitive ly why you . . ." began }olson. girl. I haven't seen her for lord "You said you'd heard of me be­ knows." fore?" }olson sat down in the single "Sure. Jose Terranova. I read chair. "Would she still know you?" about you when I was in school. "Jenny? I suppose if I spruced The time you ran off with the up. But I won't. Not likely." Princess of Condominium A. The "Look," said }olson. "Would you affair with the all-girl orchestra. mind if I borrowed your identity. The time you won the twin girl I've got to talk to the girl and the prime ministers in a game of seven­ identities I've been using are worn up. Sure." out." "I've had," said Terranova, "a "Borrow?" little bad luck." Although it was "Like this." }olson gestured at only mid day outside the small his face and changed himself grad­ musty room had a twilight look to ually over to a replica, cleaned up it. "Take a good course in account­ and sober, of Terranova. ing. That's the secret of life. Avoid Terranova grunted. "That's a lawsuits. Don't ever sue anybody. good trick." He closed his eyes for Don't drink to excess and make a a second. ''You must be one of formal will. My advice to you." those Chameleon Corps guys. "How long have you lived in the Right?" tenderloin?" ''Yes." "Few years.". "I don't know if you can walk "Do you want to go back out­ right in and see Jenny. Even as side?" me. Most people don't lrnow I'm "No. I've retired from all that. here. They think I retired to one CHAMELEON 13 of my plantations. So that part's ''You're welcome in both pro and no problem. But even Terranova anti zombie circles?" in his prime had to 1.1ake an ap­ "Terranova took no sides," he pointment and wait around to see said. "What about money? You a president. Except for Katy ought to check into the Ritz-Capi­ Beecher and I had to marry her." tola Hotel, my favorite old hang­ "Then you don't mind my im­ out. Get some formal clothes and personating you?" lots of luggage." "No. It amuses me. If you prom­ "I don't have any money now," ise to come back and tell me how said }olson. "I think in a couple vou do as me." of hours I can swipe some here · "I will," said Jolson. and there, by switching identities "\Vhat's her name," muttered around. Then pay it back when I Terranova. get in touch with the Chameleon "\Vho?" Corps again." "Carol Hammersmith. There "Steal from a better neighbor­ was an announcement on the news hood than this." in the bar. A cocktail party at the "Sure," said Jolson, getting up. new zombie plant they just opened Terranova squinted down at at the edge, the good edge, of the }olson's bare feet. "Sorry I can't city. It's tomorrow night and this spare any shoes. Say heHo to Jen­ Carol Hammersmith is giving it. ny. Let me know what happens." We were close once. Her husband Jolson said he would and Terra­ is one of the Junior Prime Minis­ nova dropped back on the bed. He ters in Jenny's government, a pro­ was asleep when }olson closed the zombie man, and also on the zom­ door. bie plants' board of directors." "I go there as you and Mrs. The buffet table was set up, Hammersmith will let me in?" crisp and white, just in front of "Right," said Terranova, sitting the conveyor belt in the reactivat­ up and leaning toward Jolson. ing plant's bright new anteroom. "You work on her and she can get So was the bar. }olson, as Jose you an invitation to the reception Terranova, was hoping he could Jenny is having this weekend. sprint over and grab a drink in the Once at the reception you won't interval betwecrt passing bodies. have trouble finding a chance to The conveyor belt went into a talk to Jenny." tube high in the pale green wall. That would be cutting it close. Far across the big crowded ante­ Still it might be the best chance room there was another tube from he'd get. And nobody was likely to which issued new completely work­ try an assassination of Terranova. able zombies. 14 PANTASY AND SCIENCB PicnON Carol Hammersmith exhaled and into a silent room. The woman wannly in }olson's ear. "Forty two spoke something to the door and it zombies an hour," she said. Her locked them in. "Now then, Jose.'' left hand held a glass and her right The room was filled with draw­ was arched on his stomach. "Would ing boards and easels. "Your ad­ you like to see the packaging de­ vertising department?" partment, Jose?" "Yes," said Mrs. Hammersmith, "After I get a drink." reaching around behind herself. "Packaging is everything. When "We're hoping to get a billboard the zombies get decked out in cov­ campaign into full swing soon. eralls with the right color scheme There's still, oddly, a lot of people they can be very pleasing. Our col­ who need winning over.'' or consultants worked that out.'' "How's your husband?" She shook her head and whispered, "Tony? He's fine. We walked "I don't see how you could ignore right by him just now." She nar­ me for seven and a half years, rowed one eye. "You hardly recog­ Jose." nize me until I grabbed you, Jose.'' "Nor can I. But let's not talk She took off her crimson dress and about the past," said }olson. threw it. The dress flapped once Mrs. Hammersmith was a tall and buckled over an easel. "You taut woman in her mid-thirties. haven't forgotten everything?" Pretty in a sharp angular way. Her "No," said }olson. "About that hand flattened on }olson's chest reception, Carol.'' and she said, "Oh, no. Look over "I'll see that you're invited in there. It's that damned girl from plenty of time for tomorrow night, Barnum who says we bought her Jose. Little Jenny Crosby has to late father without proper author­ have Tony and I, even though we .ity. I'm sure she's crashed with the hold different points of view. I'll intention of making a scene. Come arrange an invitation for you.'' She along." She · caught }olson's ann moved closer. "Well?" and led him in an opposite direc­ "Well," said }olson, carrying on tion. the llnpersonation. Being Terranova was interest­ ing. Almost every woman there In the lobby of the Ritz-Capi­ noticed him. They seemed, most of tola a redheaded girl jumped in them, unable to keep from reach­ front of }olson as he neared the ing out for him. }olson gave them musical fountain. "Jose Terra­ all his Terranova smile and stayed nova?" she asked. in the wake of Carol Hammer­ The mythological figure that smith. capped the fountain centerpiece Down a dark corridor they went was just starting a bass clarinet CHAMELEON 15 solo and Jolson pulled the girl eyes. His hand felt automatically. across the mosaic floor and into a No, he wasn't getting sloppy. He quiet alcove. ''Yes, mam?" smiled at the girl. "Terranova is "I'm Karen Witherspoon of the neutral in all things except the Barafunda Sun-Sun." field of love." Someone was in the "Sun-Sun?" mirror doored informal wear closet, "The Barafmzda Sun merged watching with an eye at a crack. with the Territorial Sun three "About you, Karen, I feel quite years ago, you know." strongly." He took a step toward "I've been on a retreat." her, then stopped. "Perhaps I'd "I want to know all about it." better change first. I left my robe The girl was lovely and fragile. in the next room. If you'll excuse She leaned against Jolson and me." said, "I have a mike concealed on "Yes. I'm anxious to hear the me and if you'll agree to let me in­ rest of what you have to say." terview you I can record the entire "And I to hear what you may thing right now." have to say in reply." "Wouldn't ..." said Jolson. In the long wide bathroom J ol­ "\Vouldn't your suite be a more son undressed and put on the robe relaxed place for an interview. I he'd left on a wall prong. He stood was about to suggest that myself." near the door and listened. There If you were Terranova you did­ was a faint murmur of talk. Which n't have to work at all. "We're in meant that Karen was a decoy, agreement then." sent to distract him. The guy in His suite, payed for with money the closet might not be alone Jolson had burgled out of four either. Jolson couldn't be sure jewelry stores, a liquor store and a whether they wanted to question delicatessen, was, due to his Ter­ him about his sudden, for Terra­ ranova reputation, walled with nova, reappearance and his possi­ mirrors. The ceiling consisted of ble influence on the President foot wide circular mirrors set in Maybe Carol Hammersmith hadn't red plush. "Sit down," said Jolson been as preoccupied as he'd after he'd brought the girl in. thought. "How do you stand on the zom­ He looked over at the water­ bie controversy?" asked the girl, proof television set on the shelf in hesitating between a· black ott«>­ the shower stall. He nodded and man and a yellow love seat. stuffed his evening clothes down "Neutral," said Jolson. He on­ the valet hole. Then he took off seamed his formal jacket and hap­ the robe and yanked down the TV pened to glance at the far waD. He set. had the illusion that he had three The small window of the room 16 FANTAST AND SCIENCE PIC'nON looked down on a jungle deco­ ant President. So he was pro-zom­ rated courtyard. Jolson checked bie, too. and made sure there was no one Turning back to his Jolson self down there in the moonlit dark­ he ran into the other room and ness. · Then he threw the set got into one of the quiet dark cas­ through the window, dived into ual suits. The reception was tomor­ the sho\ver, swung up onto the nar­ row night and his Terranova dis­ row shelf and changed into a rep­ guise had worn out, too. }olson lica of the television set. scooped up all the money he had In a few seconds Karen called. left and hurried out of the suite. "Mr. Tenanova? Jose? Did you slip and fall?" Then the door was The capital building, a two tried and opened. "Lord, Bosco, :he story white building with turrets dived." and cupolas and seven sepal'ate "Dived?" a high pitched male Rag poles in use, sat behind a high voice asked. "'nto the bath?" stone wall. Jolson was having "Out the damn window." lunch in the Capital View Cafe. "Three stories?" Bosco was a With increasing frequency, he no­ small dark man with a blaster pis­ ticed, land trucks and hoppers tol in each hand. were heading for a side gate in the "Fear makes people do odd wall. Probably delivering props things," said the girl. and supplies for the reception to­ People were always moved to night. Jolson left the cafe. philosophy by his escapes. Two uniformed men guarded "How in the world are we going the gate. }olson watched a delivery to question him now? Mr. Ham­ man, after identifying himself, be­ mersmith said Mr .Merkle's curios­ gin to unload a land truck. Bottles ity was aroused. It's possible Ter­ of wine in wicker cases. Jolson ranova has come back to put the walked on. In an alley a half block screws on the President." down he got out of his clothes and "We don't even know if he•s thought for a second. Then he anti-zombie," said Karen. changed into an unobtrusive look­ "Just because he tried to softseD ing bird. you." He flew over to the capital de­ 'Well, let's get down and see if livery gate and landed just behind the poor man is still alive." a truck. When no one was in sight "I'm doubtful." he hopped up inside. The truck }olson sat quietly on the shelf was filled with half-size white until the sounds of their departure statues of, apparently, heroic fig­ had faded. Merkle they'd said. ures from Barafunda's past. }olson That was Jennifer Crosby's Assist- studied them and then turned him- CHAMELEON 17 self into a bearded military look­ pen, knifewise, between her teeth. ing statue that he hoped would fit She checked around the room, someplace in Barafunda's history. then locked all the doors. Finding The delivery man had little a folding chair behind a pedestal sense of the pageant of history and she shook it open and sat down. so he carried Jolson into the capi­ According to his briefing this was tal building without noticing that Jennifer Crosby herself. he was not one of the original The girl crossed her legs, took group. No one checked the num­ the pen, and began reading half ber of statues and Jolson ended up aloud from the paper in her hand. in a second floor ballroom. " .•. proclamation ... as of Now all he had to do was wait, this date ... no more zombies then find some clothes and talk to • . . shall cease • • . gradual President Jennifer Crosby. He changeover to more • • . this is wasn't quite sure who he would my wish and • • • respectfully, pretend to be when he did that. etc .•.." She bit her lip and then, finally, let her head nod It was nearly dark outside and positively. the workmen, servants and visitors "An unwise decision." A door had been gone from the room for stood open, the doorway framing several minutes. Jolson was on a a slight wrinkled man. He came wood pedestal near a hanging tap­ in, relocking the door with his own estry. He was about ready to key. change back to himself and use the "It's no use, Nathan. I've talked tapestry for a robe. He still hadn't to a good many people about this. decided what he'd do after that I'm going to come out against the and so he was hesitating. zombie trade. I'll read this procla­ A slender auburn haired girl mation at tonight's reception." came into the room. She had a "How will that make your own sheet of paper in her hand and a assistant look?" the man asked.

IT'S CORRECT TO CLIPI Filling in the coupon on the next page ofl'era the following advantageu I. Guaranteed monthly delive17 to :your door of the best in science 1ieo tion and fantasy reading. 2. Reduced rate-it's cheaper to subscribe than to b117 your copies at the newsstand. 3. An essentially unmarred eopy of this issue-the coupon is backed up with this box, and its removal does not afl'eet the text of the surrounding materiaL 18 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION "Silly and foolish." ed the Assistant President. Nathan Merkle this was then. Jolson knocked him out with an The Assistant President and the elbow jammed into his chin. He pro-zombie man behind the at­ unfastened the fallen man's cloak tempts on Jolson in his various and put it on. Stepping up and identities. clear he tossed the crowbar away. "One of the workmen," said "Excuse me," he said to Jennifer Merkle. · Crosby. "What?" said the girl. The girl president looked at "Has unfortunately turned out him. "You must be with the Cha­ to be a crazed fanatic who slipped meleon Corps." in through our tight efficient se­ "Yes,mam." curity." ''Thank you for saving me," she "Nathan?" the girl began to said. rise. "It seemed like the thing to do." "He assassinated you in a most She licked her upper lip. "Is thiS savage way before I could break in your real appearance now?" and stop him." Merkle had pro­ "Yes," said Jolson. duced a heavy forked crowbar "I didn't know Chameleon from his cloak. Corps men did anything in their It was a hell of a way to intro­ own guise." duce himself to the President but }olson said, "I just felt like try· Jolson had no choice. He turned ing it." into himself and jumped from the "I'll get you some clothes from pedestal. His barefeet skidded on one of our wardrobe rooms," the the just polished flooring and he girl said. "Would you like to at­ hit into Merkle sideways. He man­ tend tonight's reception. As your­ aged to get his hand on the crow­ self?" bar as he and Merkle fell over. "Sure," said }olson. ''This job is "This has little dignity," shout- over."

------·-----Mercury Press, Inc., 347 East 53 Street, New York, N.Y. 10022 f-9

Send me The Magazine of FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION. I enclose J:jf $4.50 for one year 0 $11.00 for three years. Name (!h;,. U.s;.!\ ...• k/a. J.iJ./<. i tl.,. •· · • ·. ·· · ~ ..... ·· · · · · • Address -~ :7.~-:.Q... :l?.iJ:-.f.vx .S .•...... ·=-~~ City £rth .. IN: ...... state ...... Zip 11 ...... Philip H. Smith is a New York City physician; Alan E. Nourse is a Washington State physician. This is Dr. Smith's first appea1'­ ance in general print; Dr. Nourse has written many stories (his last here being THE COMPLEAT CONSUMATORS [April 1964]) and many books. Their transcontinental collaboration points up the anamolies in the situation of an M. D. who finda him­ self involved in matters more familiar to the Scriptures than to the AMA. It is a common phantasy to desire certain powers: after rreading this, you will desire them no more.

A MIRACLE TOO MANY

by Philip H. Smith and Alan E. Nourse

WHEN IT FmsT BEGAN, DR. things were disturbingly different. Stephen Olie's curious gift ap­ It happened the first time with peared in the manner of most the one patient of all his patients true miracles, insidiously and that Dr. Olie most dreaded to without fanfare. At first Dr. Olie see. Mary Castle was a small, pale wasn't certain that anything out six-year-old whose weekly visit to of the ordinary had happened. his office was an ordeal for her Later, when it became obvious that mother and her doctor alike. something more than his own na­ Childhood leukemia is always a tive skill as a physician was at fearful illness; in Mary Castle's work, he refused to accept the case the progress of the disease had idea of a miracle and resisted for been swift and inexorable since weeks the temptation to analyse diagnosis had been made a few his gift scientifically. In those rare weeks before. In the face of ex­ cases when medical miracles do pert consultation, the newest happen (as indeed they do) few drugs, transfusions and supportive doctors are foolish enough to in­ care the little girl had become quire into them too closely, and steadily sicker, until the doctor fewer still expect them to occur found himself shrinking from each again. But in Dr. Olie's case weekly visit. 19 20 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION Now, as the child and her on the table and then gently mother were escorted into his ex­ probed with his fingers, feeling amining room, Dr. Olie reviewed the tense spleen almost filling her the chart hopelessly. Last week her abdomen. The child looked worse white blood count had begun than the week before, her skin climbing again, her hemoglobin grey, her breathing labored. level sagging dangerously. He "Doctor, you've got to tell me," knew that today he would again the mother suddenly blurted. find the enlarging lymph nodes "Nothing seems to be helping; and distended spleen, the hemor­ how much longer is it going to rhagic blotches on the child's be?" legs, the shortness of breath-all Dr. Olie caught the mother's the dreadful stigmata of a cruel eye, shook his head in warning. and relentless killer. And he "Why, we're doing fine!" he said. knew, bitterly, that he had noth­ ''Right, Mary? Before long your ing to offer the child but a word of tummy will be feeling better and encouragement and a smile as false your breathing will be better and as the smile of death itself. everything. Of course, we may As the office nurse poked her have to go back to the hospital for neat head through the door, Dr. another transfusion this week, Olie closed the chart. A wave of but that won't be so bad. After all, anger and frustration swept if it's going to make you well-" through his mind. If only there His voice trailed off and a chill were something I could do, he went up his back as he stared at thought. If only there could be the girl. While he talked his hand some magic in my fingers-. had been gently probing, and Shaking his head, he walked into now, suddenly, something had the examining room and smiled changed. The child's skin looked warmly at the child. "Well, Mary, more pink and the enlarged how are you today?" spleen, like a deflating balloon, The little girl tried to return seemed to be shrinking under his the smile. "All right, I guess." fingertips. Even as he watched, a "Fine, we'll just see how things new luster was appearing in the are going." Gently the doctor ex­ little girl's eyes and, incredibly, amined her skin, checked her she giggled. "You're tickling me!" throat, then asked her to lie down Dazed, the doctor felt for the as he went through the ritual of swollen lymph nodes and failed examination. From the corner the to find them. He stared in amaze­ child's mother watched him, si­ ment as the hemorrhages seemed lently and hopelessly. For a mo­ to fade from the child's skin. ment he studied the listless child Thirty minutes later Mary Castle A MlllACLE TOO MANY 21 was a pink and glowing little girl, them and were healed completely playing happily in the examining in 24 hours. There were always room as they waited for the emer­ the possibilities of coincidence gency blood count report. It was and the well-known vagaries of impossible, and Dr. Olie knew it, human illness to call to account for but the blood count had returned such speedy recoveries-but as to normal. Two days later the time went on, coincidence piled child was exuberantly healthy, upon coincidence until a case oc­ eating vast quantities of food and curred that Dr. Olie simply could demanding to go back to school. not ignore. And nobody understood why, The patient was a middle-aged least of all Dr. Olie. man complaining of progressive weakness and fever. "I'm getting In the busy weeks that followed, scared, Doc," he said. "I've lost Dr. Olie did not forget the strange 20 pounds in the last two months, case of Mary Castle's miraculous and last night I coughed up some recovery. He simply discredited it. blood." Spontaneous remission of leukemia "Bright red bloodil" the doctor had been recorded before in medi­ asked. cal history (though never so "Yes. Is that badil" swiftly or dramatically); since Dr. "We'll see. Let's have a look at Olie's scientific mind did not ad­ a film." mit of miracles, he just refused to There was no question of the think about the case at all. In­ diagnosis as Dr. Olie studied the stead, he buried himself in the wet Xray. Advanced tuberculosis busy routine of his general medical is hard to miss on a chest film. But practice with office hours, home when he began to examine the pa­ calls, deliveries and hospital tient's chest, the characteristic rounds. He was so busy trying not sounds of the infection which had to think abOut Mary Castle that he been present at first ceased hardly noticed the extreme rapid­ abruptly. The fever and cough the ity with which his everyday office nurse had noted on his chart cases seemed to be recovering suddenly were gone, and the man from their illnesses-the ulcer pa­ seemed to be breathing more deep­ tients who seemed to be feeling ly and freely. better before they walked out of "That's funny," the man said. his office, the pneumonia patients "I'd have sworn I felt lousy when whose fevers broke even while he I came in here, and now I'm feel­ was listening to their chests, the ing great. In fact, I feel like going patients whose abscesses stopped out and having a steak." hurting the moment he touched Dr. Olie's hand was shaking as 22 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION he put down the stethoscope. "Let tion that the doctor may bury his me see another chest film first," he mistakes without recrimination, said. "And don't worry about the but must never advertise his suc­ cost- this one's on the house." cesses. The second fihn, taken 20 min­ In Dr. Stephen Olie's case ad­ utes after the first, revealed noth­ vertisement was hardly necessary. ing but normal, healthy-looking Little by little, word of the doc­ chest. tor's incredible feats of healing be­ After the office closed that gan to spread, first through the night Dr. Olie sat for a long time town and then farther afield. At staring at the two films side by first the stories were received with side on his view box. There was skepticism. Everyone knew that no way it could have happened­ doctors could not cure by magic­ no way at all-but there it was. but it was hard to argue with a This he could not ignore-and living, breathing neighbor who now that the dam had broken, he swore he had been cured by just thought back to the succession of such curious handiwork. One bv curious coincidences that had one the most skeptical themselve's been tripping over each other in began slinking quietly to Dr. the past few weeks. Individually, Olie's office and coming back just coincidences. Taken together, cured of everything from carbun­ a pattern. The touch of his hand, cles to cancer. Soon the office a few words, and the patient was nurse was having trouble schedul­ cured. Minor things perhaps could ing appointments; the doctor's tiny be dismissed as "normal remissions" waiting room was crowded to -but not a case like this one. And overflowing as the lame, the halt not the case of Mary Castle. and the blind trouped in and the He knew there had to be an an­ doctor's fingertips continued swer, but no answer made sense. their miracles. The office opened a This was not scientific medicine little earlier each morning and that he was dealing with. This closed a little later. The doctor was miracle-working. And then he began hurrying from examining thought of the day he had leafed room to examining room, racing through Mary Castle's chart so faster and faster to keep up with hopelessly, grasping for straws in the deluge of patients. desperation. If only there could be Home calls went by the board. some magic in my fingers- There simply were not hours Or. Olie shivered as a hint of enough in the day to make them, panic rose in his mind. and tl1e doctor's hospital admis­ sions dropped sharply as fewer There is a time-honored tradi- and fewer of his patients seemed A MmACLB TOO MANY 23 to require hospitalization. Soon Dr. Bronson glanced uneasily Dr. Olie began hearing remarks at his colleagues. "No one would and complaints from his once­ say that, of course," he said quick­ friendly medical colleagues as the ly. "But we have to question a traffic jams outside his office in­ man who seems to cure so many so creased in frequency. quickly." In the middle of an especially Dr. Olie looked relieved. "I see! busy day three grim-faced gentle­ It's ethical to cure them, but un­ men appeared in his office and ethical to cure them quickly, eh? were hurried into his consulta­ I should drag it out a bit more?" tion room in spite of the standing­ The surgeon flushed angrily. room-only crowd outside. "They're "Doctor, you know quite well from the County Medical Society," what I'm trying to say. No one is his nurse whispered as they questioning the fact of your-ah stalked up the hall. "Some kind of -success in practice, if it is a a delegation. They insisted upon fact. It's your methods that are seeing you at once." under scrutiny." The leader of the delegation was "I'm simply practicing medicine a highly successful society surgeon the best way I know how," Dr. named Bronson. He did not waste Olie replied. time with pleasantries. "Doctor, "You mean by faith healing?" there have been a -number of very Dr. Olie pulled Xrays from his strange reports about you at the file. "Would you consider this Society recently." faith healing?" he asked quietly. Dr. Olie sighed and sank wear­ "I would consider this outright ily back in his swivel chair. "You fraud!" Dr. Bronson sputtered. mean patients have been complain­ "What's going on in this office? mg.. ';)" What have you been doing? The Dr. Bronson looked momen­ Society insists on an answer." tarily embarrassed. "Not patients, "Then tell them that I've been exactly," he said. "But some of curing impossible cases. And that your colleagues have become con­ I haven't the faintest idea how." cerned about certain-ah-ques­ Dr. Bronson shook his head tionable practices going on here. angrily. ''Doctor, we are represent­ You realize that it is the obliga­ ing the Medical Society officially. tion of the Medical Society to up­ There have always been renegades hold the ethics of the profession in medicine who have preyed " upon helpless neurotics. It is our ''You mean that it's unethical duty to protect the public against for me to cure my patients?'' Dr. charlatans-" Olie asked quietly. "But there's nothing neurotic 24 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION about cancer of the lung," Dr. can't reach Dr. Bronson, could you Olie said. "Nor osteomyelitis. Nor possibly come yourself?" septicemia." Dr. Olie hurried, and it was "Then if you have some miracu­ well that he did. The patient's lous drt~g, it's your ethical duty to name was John Stevenson, and he study it scientifically, document its was in great pain, obviously in actions, run 'double blind' studies the terminal stages of a wasting to evaluate it-" disease. He was choking for "And, of course, share it with breath, his heart rate frantic and my colleagues." Dr. Olie rose irregular. A brief history clarified abruptly. ''I'm sorry, Doctor. the picture: an unsuccessful oper­ There is no miracle drug. I think ation to arrest a carcinoma of the you are wasting your time, and lung, followed by supportive care I'm quite certain that you're wast~ as the tumor spread and fluid ing mine. Now, if you will excuse filled the chest cavity. Dr. Bron­ me, I have patients to see." son's treatment had been expert, "Then this is your final word?" meticulous and thoroughly scien­ Dr. Bronson said ominously, ris­ tific. ing with his delegation. Two minutes after Dr. Olie's "There's nothing more I can hand touched John Stevenson's say." wrist the man's breathing became "Very well." The surgeon drew more free and the grey color left himself up. "You realize that the his face. His heart rate slowed to Societv will not be satisfied with normal. Administering a sedative, my reP<>rt. No doubt you will be Dr. Olie reassured the familv hearing further." (privately hoping that the rna~ Dr. Olie did hear further-but would survive until Dr. Bronson not quite in the manner he ex­ could be contacted). Having done pected. The Medical Society all he could, he hurried back to delegation had hardly left when the office, and had all but for­ the phone was ringing with an gotten the incident by the time emergency call for Dr. Bronson. his last patient was seen, some­ ''Yes, he was here-but he's gone time after midnight. Then, dis­ now. I don't know where you missing the office nurse for the could reach him." night and locking the doors, Kte The voice on the wire was doctor settled back in his chair frantic. "But I have to reach him. to drink in the blessed silence When he saw my husband this and solitude for a few moments morning, everything seemed fine, and settle his own quivering nerves. but now John can hardly breathe. The silence was shattered by a It's a cancer case, Doctor. If you pounding on the office door, and A MIRACLE TOO MANY 25 a white-faced and furious Dr. and then as the surgeon's temper Bronson burst in upon him. and incredulity subsided the two "What devil's work did you do doctors sat and talked on into the on John Stevenson?" Bronson small hours of the morning. Faced shouted, glaring at him through with the impossible, they sought bloodshot eyes. an explanation and got nowhere. Dr. Olie blinked. "Devil's When they finally parted, the sun­ work? I merely answered a call rise was no redder than their after you had left here this after­ bleary eyes. noon. I thought at first that he A few days later Dr. Bronson was terminal, but he seemed to called him up. "You won't get any­ quiet down a bit after I'd seen thing in writing from us," he said. him." ''But we are all convinced that "Quiet down!" Dr. Bronson you're on the up-and-up. We stared at him. "Do you know what don't like to admit that such a that man was doing when his fam­ thing as 'healing hands' exist-and ily reached me? He was digging for good reason, as you damned into a five-pound steak, that's well know. We don't dare to, be­ what! I saw him with my own cause it would open the door to eyes-breathing freely, good col­ charlatanry, quackery, and kinds or, hungry! I tell you, he was rid­ of abuse- dled with carcinoma. He was ''But it does exist! Not often, ready to die at any moment, and of course . . . and it baffies ex­ now he looks better than he did planation. All I can say for now, the first day I saw him. It's impos­ on behalf of my colleagues and sible!" myself, is: thank Heaven you are Dr. Olie nodded wearily. "I a regular and respectable member know. But it's true. Tomorrow of the medical profession I There he'll be even better. In 4 8 hours is no scientific way to explain you won't find a trace of tumor what you are doing. But you'D in his chest. Believe me, I don't have no further complaints from know huw it's true, but that's us, I assure you.• what you'll find." Shaking, Dr. Bronson sank During the next few weeks, the down in a chair. "All right," he crush of Dr. Olie's office practice said. "I believe you. But you did increased in geometric progres­ something, didn't you? You must sion. The miracle of his finger­ have done something. Will you tips did not wear off; on the con­ just tell me what you did?" trary, he seemed able to cure any Dr. Olie told him. He told him and every case that came under in detail, from the very beginning, his care. His waiting room filled 26 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION to overflowing, and three police­ take an old rowboat out to fish men were assigned to keep order for awhile. Clouds played tag outside. The doctor could neither with the sun; when the doctor sleep nor eat. Bit by bit he ap­ beached the boat again, he found proached the brink of exhaustion, himself whistling. Walking up but still he drove himself, if only the hill from the lake, he was to avoid thinking about the enig­ suddenly aware of the world ma that lay in the touch of his about him again, and once again hand. he gave thought to grappling with 1ne crusher came when John the terrible power he seemed to Stevenson, who happened to be have acquired. the publisher of the local news­ Two tall men in grey topcoats paper, featured the story of his were waiting for him as he miraculous cure in a full page reached the house. "Dr. Olie?" Sunday editorial. The wire serv­ "Yes." ices picked up the story, com­ One of them extended FBI plete with half-tone cuts of be­ identification. ''I'm sorry, but fore-and-after Xrays, and certified you'll have to come with us. We pathology reports. From then on need you." practice became impossible. Dr. "How did you find me?" Olie was deluged with telephone "Your trail was easy to follow. calls, telegrams and personal Now, if you will just come with pleadings for help. When his of­ us-" fice nurse found him one morn­ • "But why?" Dr. Olie protested. ing asleep in his swivel chair in "You can't just come and cart off the same position she had left him a private citizen-" the night before, she firmly closed ''I'm sorry. We have orders. up the office, led him stumbling You see, there has been a disaster out to her car and drove him up­ -an assassination attempt on the state to a friend's farm for sanc­ President. He is failing rapidly, tuary. and the White House physician After three solid days' sleep has sent for you, against consider­ and a week of good food and daily able protest." tranquilizers, the doctor's tremors The trip to Washington was began to subside and he felt al­ swift, first in a large black car and most human again. He continued then by helicopter. Before he to rest. Time had no meaning knew what had happened, Dr. here; he might have recuperated Olie was being rushed along car­ for two weeks or two years, but peted corridors, through a maze of one day he felt well enough to rooms and into a sickroom where walk down to the lake shore and a small grey man lay in coma A MIRACLE TOO MANY 27 with a bullet lodged in his brain. first-serve basis. On the second Swiftly the doctor examined his day a riot broke out; the doctor patient. Moments later the Presi­ was saved from the lethally grate­ dent was sitting up in bed, shak­ ful embrace of the mob only with ing his head in confusion and the greatest difficulty. He was asking to be carried to a chair. taken to a master bedroom in A day later the President's re­ Blair House and put to bed, given covery was so complete that care­ vitamin injections and subjected to ful Xray examination failed even electrocardiograms. Double shifts to locate the bullet. of special nurses babied him. An attempt was made to keep Presently he forced them to let the episode secret, but there was a him sit up in a chair and was left leak to the Press from somewhere alone to stare out the window at high in the Administration. Over­ the grey buildings of the city night Dr. Stephen Olie was fa­ (except for the Secret Service mous. Congress paused in their men who were assigned to insure deliberations to declare him a his personal protection). National Resource , while the For three days he sat, hardly United Nations claimed him for moving, barely eating, searching to humanity. Leading clergymen the find a solution to the dilemma as world over debated the moral is­ frustration, rage and desperation sue of whom he should save first, arose in his mind. since it was obviously impossible For another three days he sat for him to go to the aid of every staring at his hands. Once, he desperately ill patient. On one had wished for a miracle-an occasion, in the cause of peace, idle, hopeless, vagrant thought­ he was whisked into a bulky for­ and the miracle somehow had eign aircraft and flown nonstop to come about. And now, hour by the Kremlin to cure a certain high­ hour, as committees, newspapers, ranking official of his cirrhosis. television programs, governments, The newspapers debated the mo­ clergymen, doctors and lawyers rality of that, also. all clamored for his services he A committee was set up, com­ was hating that vagrant thought, posed of two physicians, two wishing desperately to retract it. Senators and Adlai Stevenson, to If only he had never wished it. If determine who should have pri­ only the magic could be gone- ority on Dr. Olie's services. The His brooding was interrupted committee could not agree. by a representative from the White Meanwhile, Dr. Olie was kept House. He was most regretful to busy 20 hours a day treating long interrupt the doctor's rest, but a lines of patients on a first-come, famous Senator had developed 28 FANTASY ANB SCIENCE PICTION laryngitis on the eve of a critical Save mel was the relentless cry. filibuster and the President re­ Save mel And not one, not a quested that Dr. Olie see him. single damned one of them, Dr. Olie declined. paused to say (with even a trace The representative blinked. of concern): Physician, heal thy­ "But sir, it's an important part of self ..• the Administration's program. The And as the rage and hatred President personally asks-" mounted up in him he felt­ "I said no," the doctor replied. suddenly-a great change. This "But I'm afraid the President time it was unmistakable, though insists-" the why of it was as unanswer­ Dr. Stephen Olie rose slowly able as the why of the other, from his chair, feeling a chill go­ earlier change. Or the how. And ing through his body. Then with the change descended a something seemed to break in his great calm. Strangely, he now mind; in a moment of blind, felt better. Different, certainly, screaming rage he fought them but better. ·· off, smashing his fists against the "Forgive me," he said. "I'll see wall, throwing chairs through the senator now. I am much bet- windows, tearing his clothes and ter ... cursing, as the Secret Service ''Laryngitis, hmm?" he said, Men-doubtless afraid of dam­ happily, as the senator croaked aging the holder of the Great at him. "Well, let's just see what Gift-fell back and looked at we can do." him, fearfully. Smiling, feeling the power He felt filled with rage and surge in him, he felt the sena­ hate. He had not asked that the torial pulse and touched the gift be given to him; he had not senatorial throat. The senator even realized it when it at first took a horrified gasp, turned blue was. Every trace of love or even and dropped dead at his feet. compassion for humanity seemed The Secret Service men stared to leave him, now-a mob, at Dr. Olie, moved towards him, greedy and grasping for life, avid moved-except for one-away for it, having together no from him. The exception clasped thoughts or hopes except for him grimly on the shoulder. And themselves-not caring if their at once fell, choking, to the incessant demands and ceaseless Boor. In a second he was still. Dr. pressure to be healed drained the Olie shrugged. healer dry and left him dead of "It's really very simple," he fatigue; just so long as they said, answering the unvoiced themselves were made whole. question. "You've all heard of the A MIRACLE TOO MANY 29 power of life and death." Those No one tried to stop him as he in the room shrank back still far­ walked out. The word had spread ther from him. He got up from rapidly. He went to his hotel room his chair, stretched. "Now," he and there, humming tunelessly, said, "it's complete, you see. Now he cut his common carotid artery it's complete . . ." with a razor blade.

CORRECTION, PLEASE

In the introduction to Philip K. Dick's story, CANTATA 140 (July 1964) we said that " ... all presidents so far have been ... of British descent .. ." Allow us to be the first to point out our own error and to acknowledge the Dutch origins of the Van Buren and Roosevelt families. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. ' -A.D. Have you ever experienced "the in-between", as Davenant caUed it? Voices heard and sights seen just after passing from wakeful­ ness, just before passing into sleep? If you ever have, you wiU rec­ ognize the reference at once. If you never have, do not scoff-the phenomenon exists and is real. Let's check a little bit farther ... have you ever felt a curious little electric-shock sort of thing inside your head while you were walking down the street, after which things were never quite the same? If you have not, count your blessings. If you have-as Davenant had-and if you haven't yet figured out the what and how of it, then Miriam Allen deFord's story has much to tell you . . .

SLIPS TAKE OVER

by Miriam Allen deFord

DAVENANT LOOKED UP FROM Strolling with his traveling bag in his beer with interest. Words were the general direction of the air ter­ a hobby of his, and though he had minal, he had been brought up often seen "Bah!" in print this was short by this little bar he had never the first time he had ever heard noticed before. anybody say it. "Tim's Place," it said in modest "Interviews with Martians­ neon; and it had an old-fashioned and photographs of them!" the air. A good place to waste time .in, man next to him had said. "Baht" he thought, if it happened to be Davenant had checked out of his quiet. hotel, frugally, to save another It was quiet enough. There was day's rent, and had two hours to nobody in the bar at this mid-after­ kill before his plane left for Bos­ noon hour except the bartender ton. He was through with the work and this bald middle-aged man in that had brought him to New York, a tweed suit. Davenant ordered a and he could think of nobody he beer and had just lifted his glass wanted to call up or go to see. when he heard that "Bah." He 30 SLIPS TAKE OVER 31 wasn't sure whether the man was "You mean-just our world?" talking to the bartender or to him. "I mean this world-this frame It was Davenant he was ad­ of reference parallel to the one you dressing. His left hand indicating come from-1 imagine, the same a headline on a newspaper spread one I did-this one we've both before him-which one, Davenant slipped over to." couldn't make out-he gesticulat­ Davenant gaped at him. The ed with a half-full highball glass man seemed sober, and perfectly in his right. sane. "Science has proved," he went "I don't get you," he said. on to the receptive expression on "Look," retorted the bald man. Davenant's face, "that not one of "I can tell. I've never missed a slip­ the planets of our solar system is over yet. But maybe it's just hap­ habitable, at least not for creatures pened to you and you don't under­ like ourselves. The best you could stand. hope for on Mars would be a think­ ''You seem to be an educated ing mushroom. Venus, a thinking man. Know any higher mathema­ fish-a very odd kind of fish. Ju­ tics?" piter, a thinking salamander." "I ought to. I'm an accountant." "You don't believe, then, that "I don't mean arithmetic. I beings from other planets are mean this high-up stuff. Space­ watching the earth?" Davenant time continum, things like that." asked. "Sure, I know a little." "I didn't say that. This universe "Well, then, didn't you ever is full of suns, and a lot of them hear about multidimensional must have planets revolving around worlds-parallel frames of refer­ them. Some of those planets may ence? I don't know how many very well be populated by senti­ there are-nobody does; innumer­ ent beings. But any civilized­ able ones, possibly. But I do know let's say entities-capable of tra­ that in each of them, some few versing illimitable space would people are so constituted psycho­ probably be so different from our logically that the film between is pattern we wouldn't recognize weak-so that they can and some­ them as human, or even as indi­ times do slip over from one to an­ viduals. They wouldn't resemble other. And I miss my guess if you us the least bit, let alone be able aren't one of them-just as I am." to communicate with us. ''I'm afraid you're way beyond "No," he went on reflectively, my depth," Davenant said. "truth is so much stranger-and so "No, I'm not. See here." The much more familiar. Like this man in tweeds emptied his glass world we're in right now." at a gulp. "Tim!" he called down 32 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION the bar. "Another of the same for what about people like Kaspar me. And fill up this gentleman's Hauser, who suddenly appear­ glass." wherefrom? The burly bartender did the "So what did happen? In my needful, and then stood listening. book, they all slipped over. They Davenant nodded his thanks. The slipped into the slot and the zipper bald-headed man went on. closed on them." "Ever hear about the farmer "You mean you think they got who went to his barn to milk his themselves transplanted into some cows, and the cows were found on­ other dimension?" milked and the farmer never seen "Not the way you probably again? Or the private plane that mean. They couldn't walk out of crashed with only the owner in it, locked rooms, or turn themselves and the plane was found, but nev­ inside out, or dig holes from the er the pilot? Or the diplomat who bottom up. But I know darned walked around the horses of his well they slipped over. I don't carriage-and vanished? Hell, know where Crater is-maybe he Charles Fort's books are full of just got himself murdered-but cases-supposing you ever heard I've met Miss Arnold-here. She's of Charles Fort. Take Dorothy Ar­ pretty old by now. And I've seen nold, and Judge Crater, and, away plenty of others-like you. I rec­ back in the early 19th century, ognized the look in your eyes the Chief Justice Lansing. Where did instant you stepped in here. they all go? "Hell, I ought to know. I'm a "And how about the people who slipover myself, as I said. So's Tim suddenly turn up on a park bench here." or on some busy street, years and Tim nodded solemnly. miles from the life they used to Davenant smiled uncertainly. know? Usually they say they can't "Well, it's a good story," he ven- remember. But where had they tured. been? The bald man frowned. "Or take the universal myth, in "Is that what you think?" he every country and older than his­ said. "Tell me, a while back, didn't tory, of the children stolen by the you feel a-a kind of electric fairies, or the shepherd who finds shock? In your head? We usually a hole in the mountain and enters do." it. Or Rip Van Winkle. Or the Pied Davenant started. That de­ Piper of Hamelin. Myths are just scribed it exactly-that funny attempts to explain facts without feeling, just before he'd noticed the necessary data. Tim's Place: like a minor earth­ "And take it another way- quake inside his skull; and then 1UPS TAKE OVER 33 everything seemed to right itself like that when I get there Boston fn a second, as if it had been­ will be just where it always has crooked, before. For a moment he been." had thought worriedly about high "You can get your plane­ blood pressure, wondered if he'd though the airport may not be had a slight stroke. He nodded in­ where you expect. And you'll reach voluntarily. Boston on schedule. Boston Harbor "I thought so," said the man. will be there, and Beacon Hill, and Davenant got hold of himself the Charles River-all natural ob­ with an effort. jects. But they might not be called "Now wait," he cried suddenly. by the same names (I don't know "I've got you cornered. If this is a -I've never been in Boston in this different world, how does it hap­ world), and all the buildings will pen you speak English?" be different. And in the whole "Why not? Don't you? This is city there won't be one human be­ New York, isn't it?" ing you ever saw before-unless "You mean, you think every city you meet another slipover." -every place on earth-has its­ And even if he did meet anoth­ what did you call it-parallel?" er," the bartender interpolated, "he "Sure. I know they have. I've might not be from the same world been in enough of them, in my na­ originally, Mr. Gorham. You and tive world and here." me aren't." "So your-your New York has "That's right. I didn't think of an Empire State Building, and a that. I've got a hunch, though, that Rockefeller Center, and a Statue you and I did come from the same of Liberty, just like mine?" place, Mr. -" "I didn't say that. It has the "Davenant. Charles Davenant." equivalents, but they may not have "My name's Gorham-James B. the same names, or be in the same Tell me, Mr. Davenant, did you places, because the history is dif­ ever hear of Aristotle, or Julius ferent. For instance, in our form­ Caesar, or William the Conqueror, er world I remember there used to or Shakespeare?" be a florist's shop where this bar is "Are you kidding?" now." "O.K. Tim-you ever hear any Davenant laughed. of these names before?" "All right, my friend," he said. "Now, Mr. Gorham, you know ''I'll take you right up on that. I ain't had much education." I'm just down here on business-I "All right, then tell me-who live in Boston. Pretty soon I'll be was Lincoln? Who was Washing­ taking a plane home. And I'm ton? Ever hear of Hitler? Or Stal­ willing to bet you anything you in? Or Eisenhower?" 34 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION "You've got me," Tim said so­ than one member of a family is berly. the special type that can slip over. "You see? You and I have the I heard of two brothers, out in same history-Tim hasn't. The Oakland, California. They both great names he knows we would­ slipped over, four years apart; both n't recognize. But he came from did it the same way-walked out his America, just as we came from of their house-two old bachelors ours." they were-leaving the lights "But once in a while I do meet burning, the radio going, dinner somebody from my own place," on the stove. When the second one Tim put in eagerly, and then we arrived, they found each other. If remember the same things. Like, they're not dead, they're still to­ Randolph took Richmond in the gether in Oakland-this Oakland. Civil War, or Thomas Endicott "But I've never heard of a mar­ was the first president.... It's ried' couple who were both slipov­ never anybody I ever knew before, ers. They say opposites attract­ though." perhaps slipover types never marry "See?" said Gorham. "That's the each other. Sometimes when a man way it goes, Mr. Davenant. History or woman has been here a long getschanged a little in each world. time and seems likely to stay here, "Few slipovers, relatively-in he or she remarries. It's bigamy, of numbers, many. Hell, people dis­ course-but the law will never appear from every big city every catch up with them. I'm married day. If they happen not to have now myself-but then I never was friends or relatives to notice or care before." about them, they're never even Davenant stared at the two missed. You married?" men. "No," said Davenant uncom­ "You really believe all this stuff? municatively. He was thinking. he asked slowly. "That's good. The worst part of Gorham sighed. it all, the way I see it, is the wife "I know-it took me a long, or husband left to wait and won­ hard time too. That's why I try now der and never know what hap­ to help others, when I recognize pened. It's worse for them than for them. the one that slips over, for at least "Haven't you noticed that no­ he knows he isn't dead and didn't body's walked in here since you desert. I was lucky that way too­ did? It's not that quiet, even at though I'd give anything to be able this hour, eh, Tim? I didn't want to let my mother and dad know I us to be interrupted. I gave Tim didn't just run out on them. the wink while you had your back "It's funny-sometimes more turned and he locked the door so SLIPS TAKE OVEJ. 35 we could have a long talk. This is look different, but it will be good, his own place-he's boss." and I can keep yours as a souve- "That's right," said Tim. "Mr. mr.. " Gorham's been a good friend to me Interesting new con game, Dav­ -helped me buy this joint. I enant thought. Gorham seemed to don't mind losing a little trade once read his mind. in a while to do him a favor." "Listen, Mr. Davenant, if ycu Davenant felt the blood rushing think I'm playing a· silly joke on to his head. you, I can prove to you who I am." "Hey!" he yelled. "I don't like He began producing identifica­ this! Let me out, or-" tion-driver's license, Chamber of "Easy does it, fellow. You can Commerce membership, credit walk out any time you want. We cards. won't stop you. "I want to help you, my friend. "But look, let's discuss this qui­ Nobody helped me, at first, and I etly a little, shall we? Have an­ know how tough it is. Say you go other beer, and go ahead and ask to Boston, and for the sake of the me any questions you want. argument say you find things the Davenant's momentary anger way I've told you. You won't have left him. He could be a good sport your home or your job-they're off and go along with a joke. He somewhere in another parallel glanced at his watch. Plenty of frame of reference. See here-" time yet. He held out a business card. "O.K.," he said. "What about James B. Gorham, assistant vice­ clothes? Or this bag of mine?" president, Bank Mutual Life In­ "Your clothes were on you, and surance Company. they came over with you. It isn't "We can use another accountant like teleportation. But look and see in our Boston office. You'd have if you've got a return ticket to Bos­ to qualify, of course. But you can ton. You won't have, because you refer to me, and that will get you didn't buy one here." over the worst hurdle for every slip­ Daveilant pulled his fingers over-not having any proof of de­ away from his empty pocket as if grees or experience." they had been bitten. Davenant look suspiciously at "It's some sort of sleight-of­ the card in his hand. hand," he muttered. "I can feel the "Never heard of the company," money still in my wallet." he remarked. "Why not? You had that on you "It's an old-line one," said Gor­ too-though you can't spend it ham equably. He pointed to a here. You can exchange it for as printed statement: "Established much as you need of mine. It will 1848." .36 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION Something occurred to Dave­ "And think how much worse it nant. His face brightened with tri­ would have been in the days before umph. people had any scientific concepts. "Got you at last!" he chuckled. Think of the fate of any poor fool "So you're a 'slipover' yourself, are then who told where he'd been or you;? You didn't have any creden­ where he'd come from: chained to tials, either, when you came. So an iron bar on a heap of straw, or how come all at once you're assist­ burnt at the stake as a witch." ant vice-president of a big insur­ "Now, wait a minute," Dave­ ance company?;" nant objected. ''You're saying the "Not all at once, Mr. Dave­ civilizations are the same in all nant." Gorham's voice was dreary. these so-called parallel worlds of "I've spent half a lifetime here by yours? You mean-say thjs really now. I guess I'll die here. I don't is a different world we're in, it's in know that I'd even want to go back the same fix today as ours-threat­ any more-I've forgotten a lot, and ened with nuclear war and destruc­ most of the people I knew there tion and chaos and all the rest of would be dead." it?" 'Well, what about the people "I said they were parallel worlds, who do go back?;" Davenant de­ my friend," Gorham replied grave­ manded. "Why don't they tell what ly. "The history is different in de­ happened to them?; Why do they tail, but in the end, like causes always have amnesia, when you lead to like effects. As for your sec­ don't have it here for the-for ond question, unfortunately the your other world?' answer is yes, at least so far as this "Why do they always say they world is concerned. can't remember, you mean. Maybe "But you've got a problem of a few really do have amnesia from your own to solve before you have shock. But just consider a minute. time to discuss politics or sociol­ What would happen to anybody ogy. Ask me anything you want to who'd slipped over and back, and about that. And any time you say, then tried to explain the truth?; For Tim will open the door and you that matter, what would happen to can walk out and try to find your anyone, in this or any other paral­ way to Boston." lel world, who would tell the truth "If this whole thing is an elab­ to anybody except another slip­ orate practical joke," said Daven­ over? How long would it take to ent painfully, "I give in; you've put the raving maniac in a mental made a fool of me and let's call it hospital? I guess plenty of them quits. are there right now as it is, poor "But all right; I'll play along devils. with you some more. Why do some SLIPS TAKE OVER 37 of these people who disappear tum asked a woman passing by what up again right away, in a few that was, and she answered, hours maybe, while others never 'That's the washerwomen who live come back at all?" down under the earth.'' "I don't know why; I just know A child's rationalization. But he they do. Some people slip back and was in that period of life when forth frequently, and learn to man­ illusion and reality are inextrica­ age it. And I've met a few who bly mixed. So soon afterwards he made such a short transition­ asked his mother, "Why don't I 'translation into the positive ab­ hear the washerwomen any more?;" solute,' Fort calls it, whatever that "What are you talking about?;" she means-that they hardly realized asked, and he explained. She it themselves. Maybe you'll be one laughed. "You just dreamed that, of the short-timers; I hope so, for dear," she said. • • . But he never voursake. forgot. · "I've never heard of anybody He remembered something else. who slipped over into more than Often, as he grew older, he had a one other world, but perhaps there strange experience just before he are some of those too. For the quick fell asleep. Unknown faces would back-and-forthers, it may seem that suddenly flash before his conscious­ they've just had a vivid dream, if ness, or he would catch scraps of it happened while they were asleep. conversation that he could never If they were awake, the double rt';.all. Before he was grown, he had shock might be too great and they in his own mind divided both sight might just blank out and forget the and hearing into three categories­ whole thing. Or it might even kill ordinary vision and sound, purely them. Perhaps that's what happens imagined or remembered vision and to some of the people who are sound, and what he called "the in­ found dead in bed, with no evi­ between." He supposed everybody dence of disease." shared his experience, till one day Scared and sick, Davenent he mentioned these hypnagogic ex­ stared at Gorham. He was re­ periences casually to his chum. membering things. He groped his "Are you crazy, Chuck?" Russell way to a chair by one of the little wanted to know. "\Vhy," he an­ tables and sat down. swered, astonished, "don't you have One night, when he was a very it too?" "Have what? You cuckoo small boy, he had had a strange or something?" After that, he never dream that he could still remem­ spoke of "the inbetween" again. ber. In his dream, he was walking Gorham and Tim were watch­ down a street, when suddenly he ing him compassionately. He rose heard a dull rhythmic booming. He shakily to his feet. "So that was 38 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION what-" he began quaveringly. "Keep the change for the floor And then all at once he recalled show," he growled. something. He felt his face turning For a second, then, he almost white. He had never been so an­ snatched the money back. "Nuts!" gry in all his life. he mumbled. He pulled the door "Interviews, and photographs of open and slammed it behind him, Martians!" he choked. "Of all the too furious to glance back at the dirty tricks!" How grown men pitying faces, too furious to do could get a kick out of playing a anything but march rapidly down rotten joke like that-trying to kid the street toward where, he knew, me into believing- the west side air terminal was. "Listen, you! It's only a few It was right there. Did the air­ years since those flying saucer port bus look a little different? Ev­ books began to come out. You've erything was going to look a little been 'here' for years and years, different now; Gorham had thor­ have you? Then where did you oughly upset him with his non­ learn about those nuts who think sense. But the plane looked just they've met extraterrestrials? And like the one that had brought him don't tell me you've been conversing down here, and so did the bus from with some other 'slipover' that just the Boston airport to the city. got here and told you about it. He needn't go to the office till That's not the sort of thing that tomorrow; he'd phone from his would be likely to come up in an his bachelor apartment on the ordinary conversation!" wrong side of Beacon Hill. He "I said these were parallel hailed a taxi, and noted with an worlds, Davenant," said Gorham unpleasant shock that it was pink. quietly. "They have parallel myths, Had he ever seen any pink taxis too." before? Well, he wasn't very oi>. "Rats! Let me out of here! Now servant, and there were always new -this minute." taxi companies starting up. They'd "Certainly. Let him out, Tim." gone almost the whole distance be­ Tim walked around the bar, fore he realized he was keeping his reached into his trousers pocket, eyes away from the window. At the and imperturbibly unlocked the same moment the driver spoke. door. Then he blocked the way and "Did you say Number 12, Mis­ held out a broad palm. ter? There ain't no Number 12 on "That'll be 50 cents, mister, for Laurel Street." that first beer," he announced. It was Laurel, all right; he rec­ Scarlet with embarrassment ognized some of the houses. But Davenant pulled a bill from his where his apartment house had wallet, noted the "I" on the corner. stood there was a parking lot. SLIPS TAKE OVEll 39 Davenant felt a little sick. He'd is not a working number.• sort this all out soon, but now he Sudqenly he was very angry. had to get somewhere where he "Look," he snapped, "I'm call­ could be alone and sit down and ing Black, Watson, and Heilkram­ think things over. "Take me to the mer, in the Old State Building. Copley-Plaza," he said in a strang­ Maybe they've changed their num· led voice. her overnight, but I don't think so. "Mottley-Plaza it is," said the Get them for me." driver. Davenant shuddered. "I'm sorry, sir, it isn't my-" He wouldn't look; he wouldn't But he had hung up again. This notice the differences. He got a time it was nearly five minutes b~ room without difficulty and fol­ fore she called him back. lowed the bellboy numbly into the "There is no Black, Watson, and elevator and down the hall. Heilkrammer listed in the phone "Hey!" said the boy, about to book. And there is no Old State leave, "what kind of funny money Building in Boston." is this?" Davenant cradled the phone Davenant dared not glance at without another word. He sat back the half dollar he had just given in his chair, his head whirling. the boy. Whose head should be on Even supposing that preposter· it instead of Franklin's? He tried ous nonsense of Gorham's had been to smile but the smile turned into the truth, then how had he been a grimace. The boy looked a little able to get here at all? Why had frightened. "Cheap skate!" he mut­ the man in the air terminal in tered under his breath, and left New York taken his money for the quickly. Davenant locked the door. ticket? Oh-oh-now he remem· "Get hold of yourself!" he ad­ bered. He had cashed a traveler's monished himself sternly. He took check; presumably they were the off his tie and doused his head in same in both worlds. And the taxi cold water. When he stopped shak­ driver-he must have paid him ing he set his jaw and lifted the from the change he got at the ter­ phone. He gave the operator the minal. But the bellboy's tip had familiar number of his office. come from another pocket; it was He hung up, and the phone rang money he had had on him before almost immediately. With his heart he -Before. beating too fast, he said: "This is Wait: there was one way to get Davenant. Put George Watson on, the thing straightened out, or as Lucille." A voice broke in; it was much as it could be straightened the hotel switchboard girl again. out for the present. He fished in "I'm sorry, sir, but I got a re­ his wallet for the card Gorham had cording that the number you called given him. Bank Mutual Life In- 40 FAN'l'ASY AND SCIEN CE FIC'l'ION surance Company, James B. Gor­ indignantly away and down the ham, assistant vice-president. He street. And now something else read it aloud to see if he could talk came back to him. Somewhere be­ without his voice trembling; then, tween the bar and the terminal, his lips and fingertips cold, he lift­ that strange thing had happened to ed the phone again and gave the him again~ that tiny instantane­ number on the card. ous explosion, like a small electric He was not surprised-only shock, piercing his brain; then sud­ scared to his very depths. Somehow denly things seemed to right them­ he had almost expected it. selves again. "That isn't a working number But where? Into what world had either, sir." The switchboard oper­ he slipped then? Where in God's ator hesitated. "Excuse me, but name was he now? these are Boston numbers you're He turned his face to the back calling?" of the armchair and clung to its "Never mind," he managed to sides. Dry sobs shook him and his breathe, and he got the receiver throat felt raw. back in its cradle. Something had "Help me!" cried Davenant to just occurred to him. somebody or something, a lost He recalled his angry exit from child. "Help mel I want to go Tim's Place, he recalled walking home!"

Handsome, Sturdy VOLUME FILES for Your Copies of FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

Each Volume File will keep 12 copies of FANTASY & SCIENCE FICTION clean, orderly, and readily accessible. Sturdily built; the files are covered with a rich black and red washable leatherette, and the lettering is in 16-carat gold leaf. Reasonably priced at $2.50 each, 3 for $7.00, or 6 for $13.00, they are shipped fully prepaid on a money back basis if not satisfactory. Order direct from: JESSE JONES BOX <:ORPORATION Dept. F(;J-SF ., P.O. Box 5120 ., Philadelphia 41; Pa The connection between bears and gulls may not be at once appar­ ent, but it's there good people; it's there. Eric St. Clair is perhaps the leading American writer of children's stories about bears, hav­ ing sold close to 100 of them; and has had a rather limited range of occupations-statistician, social worker, horticulturalist and shipfitter. He is now a laboratory assistant in the University of California's Physics Department, at Berkeley. His wife is weU­ known as a Science Fiction writer, both as Margaret St. Clair and Idris Seabright. Two of Mr. St. Clair's bear stories have been published in The Magazine-TOO MANY BEARS (Sept. 1955) and THE MOTORMAN'S GLOVE (Aprill956)-but this is his first about gulls. And, for that matter, about Olsen. "My first sale •n the genre," he says of it; "though not much Science Fiction ... no $pace warp, nobody named Xalff ... Seems to have done all right without them, though.

OLSEN AND THE GULL

by Eric St. Clair

ONE HOT AFTERNOON, SOME them because they could fly away five months after he had been cast any time they liked, while he away on the island, Olsen found couldn't-but he never talked to out how to run the weather. them in a conversational way. Nor A gull told him how. did he talk to himself. Olsen, a There wasn't a thing on the man of few words and even fewer island except gulls and their nests ideas, had nothing to say. -millions of each-and the place As a pastime, for amusement, was knee-deep with guano. Any he kicked the gulls' nests about, other man, five months alone, hun- and trampled their eggs. True, the dreds of miles off the shipping eggs were his sole food-but how lanes, might have gone crazy. he detested them! They were foul Not Olsen, though. He lacked and rank and fishy, and the rain­ what it takes to go crazy with. He water he sometimes found to drink chased gulls by the hour, yelling at them down with always reeked with 41 42 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION guano. There were millions of eggs; "Not quite," the gull said. "I have gladly he trampled them! something different in mind. Now On this particular afternoon Ol­ observe-" the gull hauled a length sen trampled eggs in time to a chant of stout twine from under its wing he had made up, "Tromp tromp -'With this bit of twine (and the tromp!" and he was eggy up to his age-old wisdom I shall impart to knees. He was neither sad nor you) you can build a eat's cradle happy about it; he just trampled that will raise the storm, or quiet and bellowed because it seemed the it, whenever you feel like it. You thing to do. can run the weather. My!" the gull A gray gull swooped down, said heartily, "Won't that be fun!" landed, and stepped daintily "I guess so," said Olsen. "But-" toward him on its pretty little pink "The power, Olsen! Think of legs. it!" the gull cried ringingly .. "The "Olsen," said the gull. grandeur of the primeval storm! Olsen's bellowing died away. The roar of the white-crested seas His trampling stopped. His mouth that you can raise! The typhoon fell open. "Hoo?" he said. "Hawm? screaming, sheets of pelting rain, Now I have gone crazy." jagged lightning, the boom of thun­ "Very likely you have," said the der-at your call, Olsen!" gull. "But pull yourself together, "No strippers?" said Olsen. "No Olsen. I propose to do you a favor." fanny dancers?'' Olsen's mind, never a quick one, Not troubling to reply to this, remained motionless. the gull thereupon taught Olsen the "You're a fine fellow, Olsen," art of constructing such a eat's the gull went on, "and we all think cradle as would constrain the wea­ the world of you-but couldn't you ther into obeying his, Olsen's, be just a little more careful with our slightest whim. nests?" The gull eyed Olsen's eggy And Olsen found it sort of in­ legs with some sort of expression: teresting. He tried a typhoon, a a gull's face being the type it is, it's waterspout, a-but Olsen's mind hard to tell just what might be on was pretty limited. His slightest its mind. whim was indeed slight. He tried "Well hey," said Olsen in his and tried, and after three days, he own defense. If you-" thought of doing some St Elmo's "What you need," the gull said, Fire with his eat's cradle. Then his "is something to take your attention ideas ran out. away from damaging our nests. The gulls, meanwhile, had been Wholesome recreation-" repairing nests, and laying new "Burlesque shows!" breathed eggs. They hadn't much time for Olsen beatifically. this, though, before Olsen got OLSEN AND niB GULL 43 bored with the weather. One storm "I am surprised,'' said the gull. is pretty much like another, espe­ "Why, we all like our eggs!" cially with a dull fellow like Olsen Olsen was quite horrified. ''You in charge-a spot of rain, a bit of eat your own eggs?" wind, what's so wonderful about "On occasion, yes." Placidly, that? daintily, the gull worked with beak He had been eating eggs right and claws. A truly wonderful eat's along, which the gulls did not ap­ cradle took shape. parently mind, but now that his "CANNIBALS!" Olsen shouted. stonns had lost what chann they "Oh, nonsense," said the gull, had had, Olsen noticed once more "Do pull yourself together, Olsen. how bad the eggs tasted. Ugh! Pay attention." It displayed the new Bellowing the chant he had made eat's cradle, finished. "With this up, "Tromp tromp tromp!" Olsen Wishing Pattern (which I will in­ kicked nests right and left, and struct you in making), you can smashed many a fine egg. command the sea to deliver any "Olsen!" said the gray gull. "Oh, toothsome delicacy you want. For Olsen!" example, thus:" "Tromp tromp tromp tromp." At once, the sea parted beside "You stop that!" The way the them. A hefty little oaken cask gull said it made Olsen stop. rolled to Olsen's feet. "Me?" said ,"Really, Olsen," the gull said. "I Olsen, and the gull nodded. Whim­ can't figure you out. You're on an pering with joy, Olsen caught up a island paradise with the power of a stone. Drooling, he battered at the god over the weather, a fine cli­ head of the cask. mate, plenty of good, nourishing However, the cask turned out to food-" contain what seemed to be a blend "Food!" shouted Olsen. He of gravel, worms and various fish­ caught up a nestful of eggs. "Lousy, all in a pretty well decomposed stinking eggs!" He dashed the nest state. "Foo!" cried Olsen, shudder­ to the guano-covered rocks at his ing at the smell. feet. "Fooey on such eggs!" "Well, my goodness, Olsen," said The gull gazed at Olsen in frank the gull fretfully. "Isn't there any­ astonishment. "You mean," it said thing you like?" It pecked with slowly, "you don't like our eggs?" gusto at what was inside the cask, Olsen merely spat loudly on the making small cooing noises of nest he had smashed. pleasure. "Your very peculiar "If it's food you want," said the tastes are quite beyond me," the gull thoughtfully, "give me that gull said after a time. "You must twine." Olsen did so, grinding the order for yourself from the sea. I remnant of an egg under his heel. will show you how." 44 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION Olsen would have made some pineapple sherbet were what he got. comments on the dietary of guUs, Plus the rum, of course. but words (as usual) failed him. So, when the week was up, here Instead, he allowed himself to be was Olsen back at work, kicking taught how to build the Wishing nests, trampling eggs, chanting his Pattern eat's cradle. "Tromp tromp tromp!" Just like old And now, whatever delicious times, except that the reek of rum foodstuff Olsen asked for, the sea was now added to the eggy stench would bring him. He scowled, as of destruction. his mind churned slowly . . . "Olsen!" cried the guU almost what should he ask for . . . what in despair. "My good Olsen!" did he want . . . ? Olsen picked up an egg. He This time, the guUs had almost sighted at the gull. a week of peace. They repaired old "Please," the gu]] begged, pre­ nests, they built new ones, they paring to dodge. "Have you no ]aid a thousand eggs. thought for the finer things the sea The happy period ended, might bring you?" though, for the same reason as be­ "A keg of stale worms!" Olsen fore: Olsen was a man of no im­ shouted. He hurled the egg, but agination whatever. missed widely (because of the rum The Wishing Pattern eat's in him). cradle worked just as the guU had "Olsen, my pet!" the gull wailed, said it would. Olsen got his hard­ as a guU wails when it feels bad, tack and his salt pork and his tub "My pride! My joy! My good fel­ of pineapple sherbert and his bar­ low! Isn't there something . . . re] of rum-and he settled down something . . . I don't know for an orgy. He gnawed at the hard­ what you want: don't you know? tack and chomped the salt pork. TeU me! Anything to keep you He lapped up sherbet. He guzzled from smashing our eggs! What, oh rum. what, do you want?" But the salt pork turned out to Olsen stood as though hypno­ be too salty. The hardtack jarred tized by the guU's earnest gaze. Af­ the back of his head when he ter nearly a minute, a grin took over gnawed it. The sherbet melted, and his face. "Women," he said. ran. Only the rum really hit the "So!" said the gull. "The Jove of spot-but even a Jot of rum could a good woman." not give Olsen any ideas for food Olsen nodded eagerly, as this other than what he was used to. new idea of his slowly took over. Hardtack, salt pork and pineapple The Jove of a good woman. . . . sherbet were all he could think to He thought of the good women who ask for: hardtack, salt pork and stroH the streets of Buenos Aires, of OLSEN AND THE GULL 45 Marseilles, of Singapore. He sighed than that, Olsen got it clear. (He noisily, and the rum in his head was a sailor; even swimming in went round and round. rum, he understood fancy rope­ 'I'm sorry. Olsen," said the gull. work.) "Now," said the gull," toss "I really am-but how could I call one end into the sea." up a woman for you, out of the First, though, Olsen tied the line sea?" securely around his wrist. "But," "Easy!" cried Olsen. "Like said the gull, 'What if-?" this-" With two fingers in his "I don't take no chance she get mouth, he gave out a shrill wolf­ away," said Olsen-and he threw call. And he stared about him, as the other end into the sea. It was if he really expected a woman to a ten-foot line, intricate. come in answer. Five months with Almost immediately the line no company but that of gulls had quivered. Olsen had caught his done things to what passed for Ol­ mermaid. No need, though, to haul sen's mind. her in. Gladly, she leaped from the Pierced by the whistle, the gull foam; willingly, she ran to him. shuddered. "Don't do that," it said. Adoration swam wetly in her big "But I'll show you how to make a blue-green eyes. Mermaid Line. Wouldn't a mer­ Olsen threw back his head, and maid do, a lovely, lovely mennaid?" hollered with horror. Coaxingly, the gull spoke. With her mouth, the mermaid "Mennaidl" sniffed Olsen. "Half caught the line close to the knot fish, half girl! Why, how could around Olsen's wrist. She tugged I. . . . ." Olsen's voice trailed off impatiently. She must get back into as he scowled, trying to think. the sea at once: this mermaid could "Say!" he said after a bit. "Would I not live on land. catch one just like I like?'' Still hollering, Olsen, resisted "You would!" the gull said. "She the tug-but rum rolled and will be exactly what you ask for­ seethed inside his head, and his so beautiful, and she will love you, knees buckled. He recovered, and Olsen!" pulled desperately, straining Grinning, Olsen gave back the against the pull of the mermaid. Wishing Pattern, and the gull un­ The line between them sang with raveled it. "Observe," said the gull. tension-and suddenly parted. "Over and under. Now reeve Olsen reeled, and fell heavily through the bight, so. Then on a heap of guano behind him. you ..."Olsen tongue a-dangle, The mermaid toppled backward in­ followed each move of the gull's to the sea. Her legs kicked briefly pink claws. above the water before they sank. After a couple of trials, no more This mermaid had completely 46 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION met Olsen's specifications. She was Now, suddenly, there was no half beautiful girl (the golden legs bottom at all under Olsen's feet, that Olson had now glimpsed were and he could feel a current taking a delight; the round, young hips, a him to sea. A new instinct, self­ promise and a treasure) and half preservation, spoke up. "Swim, Ol­ fish, from the waist on up; an un­ sen," it counseled, but Olsen of pleasant fish, like an outsize carp course, could not swim. The golden or a big herring. legs flashed close beside him, and But now the fish part was under disappeared. water, out of sight; only the lovely, And something underneath the lovely legs beckoned for a moment, water grasped his ankle lovingly and were gone. and gently. Olsen began again to Olsen's mind was slow-but his holler as he felt himself being instincts were in top working order. pulled under, gently, lovingly, but "You wait!" he bellowed, and very firmly. After his hollering rushed headlong toward the legs, stopped, there were bubbles. Then into the sea. But the legs were gone the bubbles floated away. -no, there they were, farther out. He floundered toward them. A wave caught him; he choked on the The gull had watched all this bitter water, and it almost sobered with great interest. "What a re­ him. There were the legs again, markable mating custom!" it said though, in a new direction. Instinct to no one in particular. "Olsen is conquered reason. Olsen splashed certainly a peculiar fellow." and struggled toward them. A wave It forgot about Olsen then, and swept over his head, but he came set out looking for driftwood to up undaunted. patch up its nest.

CHANGING YOUR ADDRESS? The Magazine of FANTASY and SCIEl\iCE FICTION will follow you anywhere providing you let us know six weeks in advance. Please be sure to give us your old address as well as the new one, and add the ZIP number. (If convenient, send the address label from the wrapper of the next copy of F&SF you receive.) · Subscription Sen>ice MERCURY PUBUCATIONS 347 East 53 Street New York. N.Y. 10022 THE SCIENCE SPRINGBOARD IIW¥4 "' ... CARBONACEOUS CHONDRITES -by Theodore L. Thoma.

THREE MAIN KINDS OJI METEOR­ solvents such as benzene and car­ ites come whistling down out of the bon disulfide. When infra-red spec­ heavens and strike the Earth. There tra are run on the extract, you get are siderites, composed mostly of some idea of the nature of the ma­ iron. There are aerolites, composed terial. When you run the same tests mostly of stone. And there are on fossil-containing sediments from sideriolites, composed of a mixture Earth, you get some surprising of iron and stone. But there are sub­ similarities. There are differences, groups. but the similarities are amazing. Some aerolites contain grainlike Chemical analysis has now proved inclusions called chondrules. When the presence in the chondrites of the chondrules are partly made up hydrocarbons, amino acids; a nuc­ of carbon, the aerolites are known leic-acid-like substance, and organ­ as carbonaceous chondrites. Carbo­ ized elements resembling fossilized naceous chondrites are causing algae. The analytical work is just quite a bit of excitement these days. getting started, too. All of it is The possibility is growing that the aimed at proving the existence of carbon may have come from living extraterrestrial life. things. But we had better be careful. About 20 years after the Ameri­ The whole thing might be a fake, can Civil War a French scientist as it was with the jaw of the Pilt­ analyzed a carbonaceous chondrite, down Man. Someone might be proved there was carbon in it, but planting carbonaceous material in concluded that the carbon could the aerolites just to make us think not have come from living things. there is life elsewhere. These joke­ The cold water thrown by that con­ sters could stay well hidden in clusion hasn't warmed up until re­ domes on the other side of the cently. New chemical analytical Moon, or on Mars, and launch doc­ technics have helped. tored meteorites at us. Or perhaps The carbonaceous matter in a there is no hoax intended. Perhaps carbonaceous chondrite can be ex­ they merely want to break the news tracted with any of a variety of to us gently. 47 The discovery of a new writer is always pleasant, but in this ca.<;e "pleasant" is not exactly the word. Mr. Norman Kagan, a student at New York City CoUege, bursts upon ua with the violence of an explosion-scenes, themes, styles, concepts, aU absolutely new­ and none of them to our comfort. Perhaps not since the Middle Ages has there been a class of perpetual, professional students such as we are now beginning to have amongst ua; and this by virtue of a curious cooperation of universities, foundations, and corpora­ tions, absolutely new to the world scene. This may be good-Mr. Kagan does more than suggest it may be bad-but it is something to which we cannot remain altogether indifferent. To say that Perry Zirkle was too smart for his own good is perhaps to beg the question. As Gertrude Stein lay dying she asked her almost life­ long companion, Alice B. Toklas, "What is the answer?'" Receiving no reply, she said, "In that case-what is the question?"

FOUR BRANDS OF IMPOSSIBLE

by Norman Kagan

"THAT CONCLUDES THE TRAVIS­ it isn't geometry!" Which is not so Waldinger Theorem," said Profes­ bad compared to my other course, sor Greenfield. "As you can see, it's where rule one was; "If it seems to really quite trivial." make sense, then it's not mathe­ "Then why did it take people to matical logic!" prove it!" piped up one teenage Which reminded me I still had hotshot. to find out about my grade in that The bell cut off Greenfield's re­ subject, along with about aleph­ ply, and most of the class bolted. sub-aleph other things-most im­ All the mathematics people at my portant of which was securing a school a~ bad-Greenfield the nice fat student-trainee job for the geometrer was a mild case. His summer that was fast approaching. motto was; "if you can visualize it, I elbowed my way past a couple 48 FOUR BllANDS OP IMPOSSIBLE 49 of teenage hotshots, and then I It was a warm, comfortable day was in the open air. on the Multiversity campus. The I decided I'd check out my long rows of wooden chairs were marks later-the IBMed grades already set up for graduation, and would be posted on the "wailing here and there was a girl in long wall" all summer. Right now I'd hair and levis, or a bearded boy leg it over to the Multiversity with a guitar. Early summer ses­ Placement Service. I could study sion people. Lazy jerks. for Greenfield's final this after­ "What's the word on the compa­ noon. nies?" I walked across the campus Mandel wrinkled up his fore­ slowly, checking myself out. "Do head. "Personnel men-not tech­ not judge according to appear­ nical people. So if you've got the ance." Try telling that to some of grades, go all out-anything to these megabuck research corpora­ avoid the paper barrier.'' tions! I mussed my hair and put "Any specific suggestions?" three more pencils in my breast "Mmmm-well, Fester pulled a pocket, and decided not to wear my full-scale epileptic fit-but then glasses at the interview. It's amaz­ he's nearly a five point. If you're ing how much easier it is to lie to just bright, a few eccentricities someone you can't really see. ought to do it. I'm trying my bug­ "Hey, Zirkle-Perry-wait half on-the-walls gambit." arne'!" ''You mean the one where you Harry Mandel hailed me from pretend there's a bug that crawls the psychology library. I grinned all over the walls behind the in­ and waited for him to join me. terviewer, and you follow it with Harry is a swell guy, and be­ your eyes.'' sides he's a psychology major, not a "No-that was last year. In this math competitor. He joined me, one I sort of scrunch up in the puffing, a moment later. "Summer chair, cowering-give 'em the im­ job hunting?" pression I can't stand confined ''Yeah. I've got a couple of inter­ spaces, need lots of room -like, views arranged, Serendipity, Inc., say, New Mexico or Arizona. I'm and the Virgin Research Corpo­ sick of this east coast weather, and ration." the Virgin Research Corporation "Me, too;'' said Harry. He ges­ has labs in New Mexico.'' tured at my tousled hair. "Getting ''That's for me, too. I'll see what ready? Physical appearance is very I can think up.'' important, you know." The short, In the 1980's, it's practically pudgy psychology major pumped impossible to get a summer job in his legs to keep up with me. the sciences-not that the big sci- 50 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION ence and engineering corporations and lie on my back staring at the don't want you, they do. But to empty spaces I'd been manipulat­ apply, you've got to submit about a ing. As the interviewer came ton of paperwork-eight commen­ round the desk, I'd cry out in an­ dations, four transcripts, character noyance; "Simply must look at references, handwriting samples, this from a new point of view!" It personality profiles, certificates worked like a charm. and forms and diplomas. Who has Except for this time. Not that the energy? it didn't; I just never got the Science and engineering ma­ chance to use it. On this job, all jors, however, have worked out a the craziness came at the end. swell dodge-we just pretend The interviewer for the Virgin we're a little bit nuts. The big com­ Research Corporation was a big pany personnel departments are blond crewcut man with terribly endlessly amused by the antics of stained teeth and a sadist's smile-. their nutty research wizards. With He reminded me of one of my phi­ .the squeeze on for technical peo­ losophy professors. He was talking ple, it's easy to fake looniness well philo at me too, about half a sec­ enough for the personnel men to ond after I sat down in the little see that cause follows from effect, interview cubicle. in that wonderful wav of their's, "Glad to meet you, Mr. Zirkle­ and conclude we're the brilliant you're a mathematics major, by boys they're looking for. your application. Is that right?" Or maybe they just get a kick · I nodded. out of watching us degrade our­ "Sit down, sit down," he said, selves in front of them. gesturing. "Now, before I begin to I had a couple of swell dodges ask about you, I'd like to tell you a I'd worked out from one of my pro­ little about the activities of the fessors-through the length of the Virgin Research Corporation, interview I'd keep pulling a piece Mama, as we call her around the of chalk from my pocket, sticking shop. Our organization is con­ it into my mouth, then spitting it cerned with the three aspects of out and muttering; "Simply must pure research, what we like to call give up smoking!". For dubious "The three brands of impossible". types, I'd offer my piece de resist­ I nodded at this. Harry Mandel's ance; all through the talk I would eyes had been shining when he'd gesture and wave my arms, seeming passed me outside the room, but he to shape the very job concept out hadn't time to whisper more than of the air. Then, when the inter­ a fiery; "Grab it, fellow!" to me be­ view had reached a critical junc­ fore I was ushered in. I hunched ture, I'd pause, drop to the flaor, forward and began to listen. l'OUll BllANDS OF IMPOSSIBLE 51 "If we ignore subjective prob­ found the ftaws and limitations in lems-what the Kansas farmer the theories. said when he saw his first kangeroo "But there is a third category of -we might analyze the concept of the impossible, one ignored by the impossible as follows;" even the most farsighted research­ He pulled out a diagram, and ers-the 'logically impossible'!" his finger danced down it as he The interYiewer's voice rose in tri· continued to speak. umph, and his other hand, which "First, there is the 'technically had remained in his pocket, furi­ impossible' -things that are not ously jangled his change. possible in practice, though there's I blinked at him. "But the logi­ no real reason why they can't be cally impossible is-" done. Things like putting the "I know, I know, I've listened to toothpaste back in the toothpaste that stuff from our professional tube, or sending an astronaut to consultants," said the big blond Saturn-such things aren't practi­ man, suddenly impatient. "The cal at the moment, I think!" he logically impossible is part of an said, smiling briefly. arbitrary system which would be "Then there is the notion of the destroyed by any attempt to-" he 'scientifically impossible' -trav­ shrugged his shoulders in annoy­ eling faster than light, or building ance. a perpetual motion machine. "Let me tell you," he cried, These are not possible at all­ "that the Virgin Research Corpo­ within the limitations of what we ration has investigated the prob­ know about the universe. But lem and decided otherwise. Our you'll recall, a heavier-than­ experts have-and they are some air flying machine was a "scientific of the best men in the field, much impossibility" a century ago. better than any jerky Ivy League "These two categories have Multiversity can afford-our ex­ merged somewhat in the twentieth perts are convinced that such no­ century, though the distinction is tions as the "round-square" are clear enough. In the first case, the meaningful, and what's more, are 'technically impossible', theory al­ of potentially great military lows you to do the impossible­ value!" you just haven't the techniques. In His eyes were crazed. " '\Vhen the second instance, the 'scientifi­ the battle's lost and won', indeed," cally impossible', you've got no he murmured in a low, sinister theoretical justification for what voice. He smiled at me coldly, and you want to do. But in both cases, the rotten stains on his teeth stood men have 'done the impossible'­ out like the craters of the moon. either developed new techniques or "We're using a two-pronged ap- 52 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION proach-psychology and mathe­ at thirty." Just like I'd love to line matical logic. We've had no trou­ my teenage competitors up against ble recruiting psychology majors," a wall and plug 'em, I could see he he continued in a normal, tone, was scared of me. "but most of the students in the He pulled out my preliminary mathematics department weren't transcripts and applications, and interested-or they've got to spend began thumbing them. I slipped the summer with their families at off my glasses, and licked my lips. home or away." Later I found out I got A-minus It was my tum to grin. That's on the mathematical logic final. I what they got for trying to interest should've asked for fifty more than any of the teenage hotshots. But I the three-twenty-five I got out of wasn't afraid to broaden my mental that terrified jerk. horizons, I was willing to wrestle with the impossible, I was brave The G.E.M. Ruby thundered enough to face the unknown. My west, the ground effect keeping it smile ·widened, and then my face a dozen feet above the earth. The grew serious as I took up the chal­ machine soared along, impossibly lenge. graceful, as night mastered day on "How much?" the American Great Plains. "Two fifty a week, recommenda­ I peered out the big picture tions, room and board and a motor window, fully relaxed for the first scooter, and free transportation in time in many weeks. The orienta­ a G.E.M. cruiser to and from the tion and information kit lay ig­ New Mexico labs," said the blond nored across my knees. I'd look at man. it later. No more lab reports, no "Well-" more little phrases like; "I'll leave 'With your record, you should that as an exercise," that meant a jump at the chance," he said. dozen hours of skull sweat, no "I've seen your transcripts, son." more; ''I'm sorry, but some pre-med He began jangling his change sliced those pages out of the book again. you wanted with a razor blade last That "son" decided me. term." At the moment, I didn't "Hmmmm-" care if the directors of the Virgin "All right, all right, we'll talk it Research Corporation had cere­ over," he said, a little sharply. In brum, cerebelum and medulla in science and mathematics, all the their brain pans, or scrambled old guys are scared of all the eggs. By Napier's bones, I'd es­ young guys. You do your best work caped! when you are young, and every­ Someone was struggling up the one's scared of being "burned out aisle against the pressure of the POUR BllANDS OF IMPOSSIBLE 53 Ruby's acceleration (we'd just rested and relaxed. So natural­ pulled out of Ann Arbor). With a ly, my mouth got the better of gasp he collapsed into the acceler­ me. ation chair beside me. "Greet­ "Just on the face of it-," I ar­ ings!" I murmured. "You one of gued calmly. "Paradoxes and self­ mama's boys?" About half the contradictions are interesting, and people on the Ruby were working they attract attention to ideas, but for V.R.C. It's only these tremen­ by their very nature-" I found dous mysterious corporations that myself unable to continue. can afford intercontinental jet "Maybe," Colby said. "But flights and G.E.M.s and-and maybe you're just looking at the pure mathematicians, thank good­ problem the wrong way-the fel­ ness! low that interviewed me kept talk­ "Hello, yes," said my compan­ ing about 'thinking in other cate­ ion. He was a skinny, baffled­ gories'." looking fellow about my own age. I paused. "Oh, I know what he His very pale face said; "Your­ meant," I said, and laughed. "He self?" was trying to tell you not to argue, "Perry Zirkle-I'm in the num­ not at two-fifty a week." bers racket-uh, I'm a pure mathe­ "Two-twenty-five," he mur­ matician." mured. "Uh, Richard Colby-micro­ The electronics expert hesitated, minaturization and electronics­ and then looked at me oddly. "I I'm a grad student at Michigan don't know about you," he mut­ Multi. If you can see it, then it's tered, "but I consider it an honor too big. My motto." Colby's face and a pleasure to be able to do brightened and he grinned. His some "pure" research. There's little teeth were okay. "Say, I've got those enough of it in electronics these books-you must be on the logical days-the whole subject has about impossibility research the same as one real scientist to a hundred en­ I am-Project Round-Square!" gineers." His eyes were hooded. In I nodded and smirked at the the dimly lit passenger compart­ books. "I suppose so-though from ment of the G.E.M., his face was what I've been taught, I doubt if dark and brooding. He licked his the project will last very long." lips and went on, talking to him­ Colby settled himself and re­ self as much as he was to me. laxed. "How so?" he asked. He did­ "It's enough to make you go into n't look like a monomanical studier industry. Take my own school, the -just an electron pusher in his Michigan Multiversity. Did you twenties. He wasn't one of these know we have a top secret Congres­ kid geniuses, either, and I was sional Project to automate the 54 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION presidency? Fact. The chairman of sailor. The craft was flying over the Department of Cybernetics ground that had never, and might told me the system philosophy be­ now be never, touched by wheels hind it; "Roosevelt showed that or feet. Over these wastes we someone could be president as long plunged southwest. as he liked. Truman proved that Dick Colby couldn't hold it anyone could be president. Eisen­ very well, or maybe he was tired. hower demonstrated that you don't In any event the fellow was soon really need a president. And Ken­ sleeping peacefully beside me. I nedy was further proof that it's let him be and stared at the scen­ dangerous to be a human presi· ery. dent. So we're working out a way These fellows that believe the to automate the office." He grinned, "pures vs. applieds" battle really.. and I laughed in response. amuse me. Actually, science I reached down into my fagbag and scientists are just like any­ and pulled out a bottle. His eyes thing else in this rotten world, went wide for a moment, but I just as corrupt. I've heard stories passed it to him. He took a slug, of research men during the great and the evening was on its way. "Space Flight Bubble" that would Colby turned out to be all right. trade jobs a dozen times in a year, I told him Smith's remark about doubling their salary each time. how engineers are sloppy when And these stories about advertising they call "characteristic values", men that run off with the best ac­ "eigenvalues", because "eigen­ counts and start their own agen­ value" isn't good English. He came cies? Nothing to the technical back with the one about the se­ men that impress the Pentagon quence that you had to prove con· and get the generals to finance verged, but that all the students them in their own electronics demonstrated diverged. The Pro­ company. Though I don't feel fessor's masterful reply was; "It much sympathy for the big firms. converges slowly." Anyone that builds H-bombs and The ground effect machine missiles and lets someone else de­ rushed on through the midwestern cide what to do with them-people night, a foot or two above the like that deserve everything they earth, supported by a flairing cush· get! ion of air. Presently it's path What was wrong with me late­ curved south. The pilot-driver was ly? I still loved to work and study, steering by radar beacon and navi­ to cram till one, then feel the high gation satellite, towns and build­ tension as the papers were handed ings signifying no more than out the next day. The gong treacherous shoals and reefs to a that announced the start of the POUR BRANDS OF IMPOSSIBLE 55 test always reminded me of the one Colby and Mr. Zirkle," said the on the old TV show; "To Beat the blond girl. She was worth a second Clock." And there was nothing glance, being the possessor of a like the feeling in front of the fine body, though a little bow­ posted grades, when I saw the legged ("Pleasure bent," Colby shocked faces of the youngsters I'd murmured.) Still, a very nice beaten out. Tough luck, kid! Better body. switch to art history I Colby dumped his junk on the I lit a cigarette and leaned bed, and began opening drawers back. Well, right or wrong, this in the dresser and putting it away. stuff would be fun. Science al­ I stood still and read the informa­ ways is. I love to be totally ab­ tion sheet we'd been given on ar­ sorbed in something new and rival. It said I had to report at the strange. It's so much better than Computer Center as soon as con­ just sitting around doing nothing, venient. I put my own bags in the or dull routine stuff. Frankly, I closet and went. don't see how the hundred million Outside, the desert sunlight was unemployed can take. it. My mood quite bearable, since it was only a when I'm idle is usually a murder­ few hours after sunup. I walked ous rage at the kids who're going to across the compound, guided by parties and dances and junk like a map on the fact sheet. that. Not that that stuff is really The living quarters were good: interesting, like a problem in simple ranch-style stuff with Greenfield space. But at least it's desks, and bookshelves duplicated something, compared to sitting all in each room. This was no resort, alone with nothing to think about but the place was clean and kept but myself. Frankly, I love really up, without the bleakness of a tough problems, the kind you have straight government installation. to think about all the time. The labs and auxiliary build­ Dawn was peeping up over the ings were spread out over the des­ horizon. I settled myself in my ert, the whole business enclosed own acceleration chair, and tried by a security frontier. This made to snatch a little sleep. My own internal security checks unneces­ watch said that in a few hours sary, and there were none. we'd arrive at the immense desert People dressed informally: reservation which held the Virgin chinos, dungarees, western boots Research Corporation, summer and flannel shirts. A pleasant student trainees for the enigmatic change after school, where most Project Round-Square. everyone was formal most of the time-except for the technical "These are your quarters, Mr. students. 56 fANTASY AND SCIENCE fiCTION Of course they made us pay for the programming saddle of an ob­ it. All the co-eds are hot for some­ solete I.B.M. aleph-sub-:zero-a one they can discuss the Great jazzed up Turning Engine. The Books with, not some barbarian same noble trade I'd learned science or engineering major with six years before, as a youngster in a sliderule swinging from his belt. the Science Honors Program at the I've seen these Zenish girls, with multiversity. their long hair and thongs and An International Business Ma­ SANE buttons, wild for motor chines aleph-sub-zero tests a cyclers and African exchange stu­ mathematical model· against re­ dents. Rotten snobs! Though I've ality. The device begins grinding got to admit that some of my out deductions from the model, friends in the engineering school and checking them about facts depend more on force than persu­ about the phenomenon. If they sion for their pleasure. Ha-hal check out, fine. If not, it begins to The Computer Center was most­ blink and tremble in agitation. ly underground, to make tempera­ This one had a few peculiari­ ture regulation easier. These big ties. The "mode" was about ten machines really heat up. I know times as complex as normal, there that back at the Arthur Regleihofp were fifty more storage units-and Computing Center, at my own mul­ the runs averaged less than ten tiversity, they have an enormous seconds. air conditioning plant through all By the end of the day, I was the machine rooms, with dozens of bored, frustrated, and very dis­ recording thermo~eters. If the gusted. I could barely keep from temperature in the labs goes above grabbing my teenage assistant a certain point, the electrical pow­ by his ankles, swinging him er to the computers is shut off. around in a heavy arc, and smash­ Otherwise you have something ing out his smiling freckled face called a computer explosion, against the machine's one-to-ones. which no one at the labs wants to Rotten teenage competitor! Fortu­ talk about. All I know is that dur­ nately I ran into Harry Mandel ing the summer, the machine rooms directly afterwards, without hav­ are the best place to relax, because ing to look him up. At least that they're so cool. And I can always was something. One thing led to scare the teenage-geniuses who run another, and two hours later, to­ them into letting me rubberneck. gether with Richard Colby, the So I reported to the Computer three of us were exchanging im­ Center, and found my wonderful pressions. creative position from which I "Oh, I suppose it's all I could challenge the unknown- could expect," I told them disgust- POUJ. BI.ANDS OP IMPOSSIBLE 57 edly. "They're setting up odd sorts don't drink more than I have to, of logical-mathematical models­ and neither do most of my friends. ones without the law of self con­ In spite of all this talk about eol· tradiction, either A or not-A. lege students boozing it up, I'll be Things like that. Then they run damned if I'll rot my brains, the them through the aleph-sub-zero brains that have to beat out all as a check. Only-" and I took a those teenage hotshots! deep slug from my glass, "-none The White Sands Bar was a of them work." pretty good one, quiet with a kitch­ Harry Mandel bobbled his head en. A while before we'd had a up and down enthusiastically, so pizza, heavy with cheese and olive that it seemed to flicker in the cool oil. It's funny how much time I dim comer of the White Sands spend in bars. Our civilization has Bar. Harry has this habit of shak­ wonderful extensive facilities for ing his head in violent agreement, some things, fragmentary ones while his eyes grow larger and or none at all for others. It's per­ larger with each sentence you fectly clear how to fill out the speak. It gives you the funny feel­ forms and go to class and take ex­ ing that every word you say is con­ ams and apply and student all the firming some incredible theory of way to a Ph.D.-but how the hell his: that you're a Chinese Commu­ do you have a good tirne? I heard nist, or a paranoid schizophrenic, they had to double the psychiatric or an Arcturian spy. It's really service up at M.I.T. Sometimes I quite frightening until you get have crazy insane dreams of get­ used to it. ting out of this whole mess, quit­ Also, his lips were trembling ting. But where could I go, what and his hands quivering. I knew would I do, who would be my the signs. Once he started talking, friends? Who would be my he'd never stop. So I gave the nod friends? Anyway, bars are all to Richie Colby instead. right, and this bar, the White The electronics expert looked Sands Bar, was a pretty good one. up from his drink. "I don't know," I took up another drink. Rich­ he muttered. "I'm on the psycho­ ard Colby was staring dumbly into logical-biological end, and so far his. "Okay, Harry," I said. I can't understand what's going "To understand my end, you'll on. They've got me working on top­ need to know what the universe is," ological neuronic maps-mapping said Mandel quickly and incoher­ the circuits of the brain. But for ently. "People ask; 'Why is the uni­ what, I don't know." He went back verse the way it is? And Kant an­ to the drink he was nursing. swered them back: 'Because the I took a sip from my Coke. I universe is a tango!" 58 JIANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION ·uuh?" logical impossibility-a con­ "Don't you know what a tango tradiction. We can't experience is?" said Harry quizzically. ''Why, the world any other way. We see it even all my buddy-buddy psychol­ this way because we're built a cer­ ogy major friends know that. You tain way, and the universe is built know-like this-" and he moved a certain way. Reality is the in­ his hips suggestively. He grabbed teraction of the two parts-and up his Sloe Gin and Coke, and the universe is a tango!" finished it off in a single gulp. He tossed down the rest of the "Daquiri!" he cried to the waitress. woman's drink and nodded power­ "Like this, boys," he moaned, be­ fully. "Any one of my buddy-buddy ginning to sway again. psychology major friends will tell It took a little while to make you that!" our questions clear, but presently Colby and I nodded agreement. Harry was sketching on a napkin Mandel always was something of a with his Mr. Peanut Pen. nut. I never trust short guys­ ''Remember that proof in their mothers always tell them high school geometry-Tenth Year about Napoleon when they're Mathematics to you, Perry­ little, and they always take it the where you show that a line segment wrong way. has only one perpendicular bi­ Mandel was still gabbling. "But sector. You strike arcs from the this doesn't mean we'll always endpoints, and draw the line from have to look at things this way. We one intersection to the other. But won't have to always think of a why should the arcs have any in­ round-square as impossible. That's tersection? And why couldn't there what my part of Project Round­ be two lines that were straight and Square is all about, the part with went through both intersection my buddy-buddy psychology major points? I bet you never thought of friends. We're going to change the that!" music. We're going to give one He looked up from his diagram partner dancing lessons!" defiantly. Dick Colby blinked at him, his It was five weeks more before I long face weary. learned that Mandel had in fact "I'll tell you why!" cried Harry not been kidding around, nor re­ Mandel, downing half his Daquiri. ally drunk at all. That was the es­ He put the glass down and spoke sence of the psychology half of decisively. "Because the universe Project Round-Square. But a lot is a tango-we see it this way be­ happened between that first night cause we have to-we're built this at the White Sands Bar and then. way. Anything else would be a For one thing, they closed down FOUl. BllANDS OP IMPOSSIBLE 59 the mathematics-logic side of the Then you build a language installation. I had about a week with that logic. Understand me?" more of that; "Start Program!" Zip­ "Uh-huh." pip-pip-pip-pip! "Clang! Clang! "Now, this seems-ahem, un­ Clang! Discrepancy! Discrepancy!" h"kely. If you've ever taken an in­ nonsense, then two days of abso­ troductory course in philosophy, lutely flawless correlations-as there's always a kid who talks about good as any of the test runs be­ there being "some crazy kind of tween economics and high school logic" where things could be red math, or advanced calculus and and blue, round and square." He statics and dynamics. Whatever shrugged in annoyance. ''The pro­ was being sent into the aleph-sub­ fessor can usually shut him up, zero, it was a perfect fit with the and if he's persistent, embarass real world. The first day I was him to death. Those kids are the wildly enthusiastic, the second I sort that embarass pretty easily." was bewildered-maybe they were I nodded. This guy knew some­ checking themselves? And the thing of college life. third day, I wasn't given any pro­ "So that's what the meta-mathe­ grams. The head of my section, a maticians and symbolic logicians young man named Besser, showed upstairs have been working on. up about an hour later and told me You see, while such things are silly we were shutting down. I was to to talk about here in the real be reassigned. world, you can have a logic with­ "But why? The last two runs out the "not" operator. Such logics were perfect!" have been set up in the past-but "The last runs-" he began, they weren't very interesting, they then sighed. He looked more like a weren't rich, fruitful in new ideas. truckdriver than a worker with the But anyway, you can make such a subtle squiggles of mathematical thing, you can even build up to a logic. "The last two runs were exer­ mathematics from it, the way Rus­ cises in futility. You've had some seiJ and Whitehead built up num­ undergraduate symbolic logic­ bers from logic in Principia. And you must have some idea of what you use your math to build a logic we're trying to do." and a language-to describe the I nodded. world. No "not" means no oppo­ 'Well, rigorously speaking, the sites-which seems to mean no way to eliminate the notion of contradictions." He wiped his face "impossible" is to get rid of con­ and tried to look annoyed, but it tradiction-get a sort of logic was difficult. Good old air condi­ where you can have a "round­ tioning. square", as a legitimate notion. ''Do you see?" 60 PANTASY AND SCIENCE PJCTJON "I think so. Real world again­ -short', or just 'short'. And you didn't match up." keep on going that way. This was "Kee-rect. Your math is no good Kadison's idea." for the real world. It's just wrong "It worked perfectly in the ma­ -like trying to navigate an ocean chine." liner with plane geometry. "Sure it did. And it's also per­ Since the earth is round, it does­ fectly useless. All gradations and n't work out." comparisons drop out-and broth­ I nodded. er, you don't know how many there "I mean, it's right-its valid­ are. You know, most every quality it just doesn't describe anything has its opposite in something else. real," he corrected hastily. "Seems Even the notions of matter and as if you must have contradic­ empty space. You get nothing left tion." -I mean nothing-the problem ''That's why the runs on the becomes trivial." aleph-sub-zero were so short? The "The universe is an uncle," I computer would spot a contradic­ said. tion, and start yapping. But how ''Yeah, except for uncle say any about the last two runs-perfect other word. The universe becomes straight out. What was the matter one solid, undescribable lump, with them?" with no qualities at all." "Oh, those,"· he groaned. "Those were that jerk Kadison's idea. The Also, Harry Mandel began to exclusion approach." crack up. I didn't notice it while I "Goon." was working-that aleph-sub-zero "Well, you know there's another had some good problems-but way to eliminate the notion of a when I was unassigned, the only contradiction. By exclusion." real activity I had was going to the "Elucidate." White Sands Bar. It was during ''Think of it this way," said the drinking sessions that his mad­ Besser. "You understand the no­ ness began to blossom. tions of tall and short, and you Now of course I know all about know such things are relative. But the science of modern psychology if you decide that everyone under -it's one reason I've remained so twenty feet tall was short-then balanced and stable. Myself, I'm you couldn't have a contradiction, what is known as a shame person­ a notion of 'short-tall'. Everyone ality. It's a matter of personal would be short, and you'd elimi­ honor with me that I fight to the nate one sort of contradiction. limit for the highest grades and 'Tall-short' would mean the same the most scholarship. I'll beat 'em as 'mimsey-short'-'nonsense word all out. That's me. FOUR BR!\NDS OF IMPOSSIBLE 61 Dick Colby was clearly a guilt "I mean, I have nothing against personality. He really believed all that particular minority group," that goff about the scientist's he said loudly. "It's just that­ worldview, about the search for well, look at it this way. The origi­ truth, about following an abstract nal members were selected on the pattern of behavior. Poor old Dick, basis of crude physical strength­ he had an abstract moral code too, the smart clever ones escaped the as I might have expected. Well, he slavers. Then they were brought had to follow the rules, and he over here, and were slaves for sev­ might get kicked in the belly, but eral hundred years. Now it seems at least he was stable in his sad, to me that if you have slaves, picky way. you're going to encourage breeding Now Harry Mandel was a fear among the stupid and the strong. personality. He tried to belong to You don't want smart quick ones. some sort of whole, to link its des­ As a matter of fact, the smart quick tiny with his own. A gestalt. You ones would try to escape, and find a lot like that: fraternity boys, would be shot. Or else, if they're soldiers, club members, athletes clever, slip over the color line and on a team. And of couse the intel­ intermarry. lectuals-the literary group and "So you see, you've had forces at Zenish girls and the interdepend­ work for three hundred years that ent independents. bred-I mean in terms of human Ain't social psychology great! genetics-for less intelligence. Anyway, Mandel's kind of You do that for three centuries and twitch, the fear personality, is it shows-as a matter of fact, it okay as long as he really has his does show. In terms of modem buddies and believes it. If he science, they might even be in­ doesn't have them, he wanders ferior." around until he can link up with a He was crazy, insane. For one new bunch. If he doesn't believe thing, three hundred years isn't he has them-look out! A fear per­ long enough to matter genetically sonality with doubts about its for humans. For another, "the gestalts, can slide right over into smart clever ones" didn't escape paranoid schizophrenia. the slavers' round-ups any more It came out in funny ways, dis­ than the others did. Maybe if Man­ torted, because Mandel was very del had been a slave owner he'd intelligent, and the more intelli­ have tried to encourage only the gent, the more little links can be­ stupid to breed, but such eugeni­ gin to snap and break. One night cally-<>riented thinking didn't exist in late August he came up with in times past. As for shooting this: would-be escapees, you don't 62 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION destroy valuable merchandise like find out some things about my new that, you bring it back alive. [Any­ assignment. And that was thing way, you don't talk about races, number three. That afternoon I'd you talk about human beings.] be transfered to the psychology at­ Mandel was rationalizing, justify­ tack team-programming again, the ing immoral attitudes on the basis U rbont matrices of neurological of a "science" which really doesn't maps. exist. As for "scientific morality," "How's the job, Harry?" I asked Hell, science and morality are dif­ him. "How's the dancing lessons ferent, and by trying to base one coming?" on the other you are setting up for Mandel looked up. He hadn't something like Hitler's "final solu­ mentioned his work in a couple of tion." weeks, not since we'd taken his lit­ Yet poor disturbed Mandel had tle lecture on Kant and the tango thought the theory up. And for an as a rib. instant, thinking of the exchange "What about it?" he asked crisp­ students and the Zenish girls back ly. "I don't know very much, I just at the multiversity, my own brain do whatever thev tell me." had become enflamed. Sci­ They-his buddy-buddy psy­ ence, reason, intellect-there are chologist buddies? Mmmmm. some things you mustn't think "Well, whatever they've been about. God help me. telling you, they'll soon be telling A flash of disgust went through me," I said, nudging him in the me. I never wanted to do any more shoulder. "I'll be figuring out your calculations. I wanted to lie down brain maps for you." with some pretty girl and make "Oh, yeah. They ought to start love to her and have her soothe me. programming in two weeks, and I was too long alone. Help me! then installation-" Then I squeezed those thoughts "Hey, installation? Whooa? away. What are you talking about?" I pushed away the thick silvery Mandel's slumped body seemed tin with the remains of the pizza. to collapse some more. He was so Delicious, too. Their cook was im­ far forward I could hardly see his proving. Or maybe he could get face. Just a dark form against the real Mexican spices, nat the stuff well lit rest of the bar. Cigarette I used to settle for in Woolworths. smoke hung in the air, and a doz­ I looked at Mandel across the en technicians were seated on the table. His face was beginning to high stools. Over in another cor­ cave in a little, and his eyes looked ner, two disgruntled physicians tired. Anyway, we had to talk were playing NIM. A couple of the about something else. I decided to girls from the clerical pool were POUll BRANDS OP IMPOSSIBLB 63 having heroes and Cokes at anoth­ "sensory enhancement." Enriching er table, blond and brownette in a man's senses by requiring his brief desert costumes. recticular formations to accept data "Sensory enervation," said Man­ detected by machines-the total del in a dead voice. "What else did memory storage of a computer, the you think?'' complete electromagnetic spec­ He blinked mildly and slugged trum, the sorting out of patterns down the rest of his Horse's Neck. and wave forms which was possi­ "Rum and Coke!" he shouted to the ble to oscilloscopes. barman. "I really hate to drink," he Volunteers weren't too hard to confided sullenly. "But at least I find-the McGill men had found can do it alone, without my psy­ volunteers, promising not much chology major buddy-buddies." more than money and a chance at Richard Colby gave me a funny madness. look and we both leaned forward A man's concepts of the world and really began to listen. vary according to the data he re­ ceives. For thousands of years, men In the 1950s, the psychologists had been building up systems and of McGill University had com­ structures of describing the uni­ menced an interesting sequence of verse, without trying to improve experiments in connection with the the methods used to accept the da­ U.S. manned space Bight pro­ ta. Scientific instruments were not gram-an early phase of the enough -could light and color "Space Flight Bubble". A space have meaning, be real, to a blind traveler confined to his space cap­ man? The scientists of Project sule would be in a state of extreme Round-Square hoped that the con­ "sensory deprivation" -with so lit­ tradictions and impossibilities of tle to see, hear and feel, the psy­ Reality might disappear for a man chologists theorized, the astronaut with enhanced senses. The system might go insane. The McGill Uni­ philosophv was illustrated in the versity experiments were designed poem; "The Blind Man and the to investigate this thesis, and even Elephant." more extreme cases of sensory de­ "Could a dolphin discover Rel­ privation. ativity?" said Mandel, almost an­ The perfection of brain circuit grily. "Of course not-plenty of mapping had suggested the ob­ brains, just never was even able to verse experiment to the scientists sense much beyond the other dol­ of Project Round-Square. If sen­ phins. Likewise, there may be enor­ sory deprivation could debase a mous fields of knowledge we've man, weaken him and drive him never noticed, because of our sen­ out of his mind-why not attempt sory lacks." &4 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION "More than that, it's a positive "Maybe not," he mumbled. "But approach!" cried Mandel. "the that's only the neurological part of first in seventy years. Before this, the idea. We're building compul­ all of psychology was concerned sions to succeed into it, too. The with debasing man, turning him kids will have to work out a world into a super rat, a little black box without impossibilities." which was fed a stimulus and "Kids?" asked Colby dimly. kicked back a response. Automa­ "Keep talking, Harry." tions!" Mandel blinked and then con­ "What about psychoanalysis and tinued. A Jot of the rest was whined the Freudians?" and mumbled, but I thought I got "Bleughl" cried Mandel, ener­ most of it. vated himself for once. "Thev're The subjects of the brain wiring the worst of all. The ld, Ego, ~nd were youngsters between twelve Super-Ego, are just mental mech­ and sixteen. The psychologists had anisms, things beyond our control, settled on those as the optimum age which interact to produce behav- limits: young enough to be typi­ 1or.. " fied by directness, immediciacy, It was nice to see Mandel cheer­ wholeness, spontaneity and inte­ ful. There's nothing better for gral fantasy. Teenage hotshots, in these neurotic types than to let other words. Old enough to want them talk and talk and talk, it to make sense of all the data, and helps reassure them. Maybe they young enough so their world view think no one wi11 threaten them or wasn't rigid. kick them in the belly as long as You can look up all the psychol­ they are blabbing. A false notion ogy words except the last. "·Inte­ produced by two much well-writ­ gral fantasy" was the most impor­ ten t.v. drama. tant. Studies had shown this qual­ "But still," I said slowly, wag­ ity is most typical of real genius, gling a finger at him (or was I and the kids had been specially se­ waggling and the finger standing lected for it. What it means is this. still. I must drink less.) Most people have fantasies, but the "But, Harry," I continued. "All fantasy is "disassociated" -it is un­ the colors of the rainbow won't al­ real to them, like sex magazines ter this picture," a:r;td I flipped one and comic books. Children, espe­ of the White Sands Bar's napkins cially geniuses, have "integral fan­ at him. It has a nice colored . pic­ tasies"-they get wild complex ture of a Valkyrie missile on it, ideas about the real world. Or­ from the days when White Sands dinary people call these "strokes of was a proving grounds, before the genius", if they happen to work. "Space Flight Bubble" burst. "And what's more," muttered POtJI. BRANDS OP IMPOSSIBLE 65 Mandel, head down on the table, getic; Harry Mandel, confused and "they'll have to make sense out of sullen. it. They've had hypnosis and drug More than once, I thought of compulsions to succeed, so their informing the medical staff of new sensory picture will have to be Mandel's problems but I was free of logical contradictions. It'll afraid to. In the world of science, have to bel" each man has a "paper shadow" I was about to ask him how that follows him around-dos­ they'd be able to communicate with siers, transcripts, evaluations by them after the kids had "made con­ supervisors. Get so~nething bad in tact" -but before I could, Harry among those papers-instability, dropped out of the game. He lay erratic work habits, even extrava­ unconscious across the table. gant praise, and you're in trouble. "Kids!" he murmured, hatefully. The big corporations like their sci­ entists a little peculiar-just for So I was doing mathematics identification. Anything serious again, setting up Urbont matrices, can really ruin a man's career. I the curious descendents of time­ thought it might be best for Harry variable, multi-port switching and to take his chances-when I communications math. Far more thought about him at all. I tried to subtle than any of these, however stay away from emotional subjects. -the Urbont equations didn't an­ Fortunately, about this time, alyze radars or satellite radio links, the Virgin Research Corporation they symbolized the neuron pat­ brought in some new entertain­ terns of the human brain. ment, so I could relax without rais­ It was tedious, subtle, absolute­ ing the alcohol content of my ly-right-the-first-time work. The blood. basic units are descrete-on-off These were the moebius movies, switching conditions apply, rather the new cyclic films. I'd seen the than continuity. In other words, first one; The Endless War, pre­ there was no margin for error. viewed in New York City, a few I was getting more of those years before. Since then, their so­ flashings of hatred and self-hatred. phistication had increased many­ In my little air-conditioned cubi­ fold. cle in the Computer Center, I The basic notion was simple. would get daymares where I would The films were written in such a be a bug in a compartment of an way that there was no beginning ice cube tray-so cool and comfor­ and no end. But this was more than table and . . . dead. Every so of­ a simple splicing of the two ends. ten my friends would stop by­ Literally, it was nearly impossible Dick Colby, bemused and apolo- to know where the story com- (j() FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION menced. In "The Endless War," I got precious little pleasure out there were at least a dozen places of "To the Nth Generation", how­ where you could enter, stay the ever. Mandel was moaning and two hours, and leave, coming away groaning about his buddy-buddies with the impression of a complete and how much he hated kids drama. In fact, depending on through the whole thing. I didn't where you came in, the film might stay past the second time around have been a comedy, a tragedy, a -and these things are cumulative documentary or most anything -ten revolutions of "The Endless else. War" had made me practically a "To the Nth Generation" (or pacifist. "Incest on It!") was a typical im­ The trouble was that half an provement. It dealt with the ro­ hour into "Incest on It!" I fell off mantic affairs of several families the edge of a cliff. On the screen over (I think) three generations. the Most Beautiful Girl at Queens After forty years, with the amatory College was giving birth on the relations of the members incredi­ steps of the New York Public Li­ bly tangled, the snarl was twisted brary to the Nobel physicist who back on itself as the original char­ would father the owner of the big­ acters were brought fourth in and . gest brothel in the Bronx, who in out of wedlock. It was pretty ghast­ turn might (there were subtle ly in a way, but also quite amusing. hints) be the parent of the beau­ I hear the French are preparing a tiful blond in labor on the dirty film which will do the same thing white steps. in two generations, and there's go­ I would always have teenage ing to be a science fiction picture competitors! I would get older, and that docs it in one. older, and older ("Never produced I had also heard rumors of the anything ·after twenty seven! most recent development. Cyclic "Burned out at twenty-five, I'd films had closed the old notion of say!" "We keep him around for time, the first "true" moebius would laughs, and to teach the remedial eliminate time as an orienter. With courses. Never did anything pure dissonant sound, with only worthwhile after his thesis!") but the most limited and ingeneous they would always be coming; movements, a complete showing young, bright, arrogant, brilliant. I would have the film run both back­ could barely keep from screaming ward and forward, right-to-right and screaming and screaming. In­ and right-to-left. Enthusiasts pre­ stead, I made as tight a fist as I dicted it would make "Last Year at could, squeezing, the way I would Marienbad" look like "Looney­ press the foot rest in the dentist's tunes." chair, because it hurts and hurts, FOUR. BRANDS OP IMPOSSIBLE 87 and you've got to do something tensely at my tapes and card-decks. when it hurts so much. net daring to pause, afr-aid to close I had been wrong about Man­ my machine-language manuals. del, or partly. He, like I, would Other deys, sometimes for hours, I not be shamed. And he saw Proj­ could not work closely. I cut free ect Round-Square as a betrayal by of the job, drifted beyond the his friends, of the creation by his "grid" of the scientific attitude. "buddy-buddies" of new competi­ What difference did it make, my tors to torment hhn. I could under­ mind gibed, if men landed on stand this, though his woe was not Mars, or discovered element 1304? mine. His complaints had stimu­ Particle, wave, wavicle, round­ lated me to see my own doom in square-who cares? Science was the endless procreation of the film. just another "institution", like any­ And now I recalled the "Kubie thing else. Would a man a thou­ Report" in the American Scien­ sand years from now laugh at me, tist: "Some Unsolved Problems of the way my seminal engineer the Scientific Career." The high friends would chuckle at a scribe incidence of nervous breakdown in in 1000 A.D., who spent his little the middle years, as the creative life endlessly recopying scroles in energy wore thin. Directness, im­ a monastery? mediacy, diversity, wholeness, It took all my tricks to get spontaneity, integral fantasy! For through the final weeks. The best these I had denied myself every­ was French sleep therapy, which thing, sweating out my advanced I once read about in a book called degrees before age could touch me. "Force Yourself to Relax!" If your And now I was old, I could feel troubles are unbearable, knock myself rotting as I sat there. I yourself out until your subcon­ could feel my brains inside my scious has time to patch you up. body: ropy, red, pulsing, tinged I tried reading for a while, but I with age, hot and glowing inside couldn't seem to understand C. P. a pile of grey, fatty, fibrous tissue Snow's two cultures. All I could -my unexercised body. Somehow recall was a passage about some­ I managed to get up and stumble one dying. Snow said that on the out of the theatre. Behind me, on point of death, most people care the screen, someone was talking not a whit about their intellectual on his deathbed to his grandchil­ failures or social lacks. But they dren and grandparents, who would cry out endlessly about their missed turn out to be exactly the same sensual interludes. people. Richard Colby still visited me, but Mandel had stopped coming. Part of the time I worked in- In a moment of weakness I'd told 68 FANTAST AND SCIENCE FICTION him about his "paper shadow." "It's perfectly plain what 1-" He'd slammed out in a huff. The "Mandel, explain!" next day he came back, calm and 'Well, as long as I'm feeling all chipper. right, I go on in a perfectly normal "You look better than I do." way. When I feel a little sick, I go "Of course. All my problems are into my office. But if, some day, I solved." think I'm going really nuts, I think "What about your psychology I'm really going to go crazy so it buddies?" all will go down on my personal "Oh, I knew none of them were file and ruin me with the big or­ really my friends. But I'm set to ganization-" take care of them, all right, all ''Yes?'' right." 'Why, then it's as if all my "Yeah? How?" friends are suddenly about to be­ "Well, you remember what you come my enemies, to tum on me, told me about my personal file. to think I'm crazy and fire me and About how if they decide I'm un­ laugh at me and pity me behind stable and borderline, it'll be very my back." His eyes were mad, hard for me to get any sort of job, though his voice was perfectly lev­ and I couldn't be a psychologist el. "They won't be able to do that anymore." to Harry Mandel. They won't do ''The situation is something like it. I'll blow them all to bits first!" that, at least with any large organ­ It was enough for me, friend or ization." no. I got word to Personnel, anon­ "But as long as I seem all right, ymously, and that night they called all those rats will leave me alone, for Mandel. The poor guy hadn't and even seem to be friendly." thought to install one of his "White 'Well, you don't put it very Collar Kamikazees" in his quarters, well-" so they took him out on the G.E.M. "So it's all very simple. I've Topaz that very night, under heavy fixed them all right all right. I sedation. went over to chemical stores and Was I in much better shape than got the components for a large Harry Mandel had been? A cheer­ bomb. Then I assembled it in the ful, hopelessly-neurotic robot. I bottom drawer of my desk, in the had come up through the sequence middle of the Psychology Section without much real thought about of the project. And rigged it with a stuff like that. It was enough to do button detonator." my work. Once, when I was drunk, "Go on, go on I" I had the idea that if you had a "Well, don't you see. • perfect baby, you could set up the "No! Go on I" perfect program for his life, sports FOUR BRANDS OF IMPOSSIBLE 69 and studies and sex and social life, Mathematical linguistics is the split-second timed, an ideal exis· new "in" branch of math, like dif· tance. But it was already twenty ferential topology used to be, and years too late for that for me. category theory after that. Wilbur Or was that the easy way out, was playing it to the hilt, with ski to flunk yourself and roll with the boots, no tie, and a crappy old tide. Was I simply 'hiding out' in sports jacket. But he had a feel for science because it was socially sac· the communications process that tioned and I had a talent for Math? amounted to empathy. It was this But on the other side it gave me rare talent that was needed, to a pattern for my days, the stability help the nine through the clutches. I needed and craved. For this I Above him on the lintel of the might do work that I even despised. machine, was the proud motto of There must be some way to decide, the National Programmer's Union, to choose the optimum path, the originally a remark by Queen Juli­ really best way, before all your ana of the Netherlands; time's run through? But how do you do it, how "l can't understand it. l can't· could I, of all people, do it? even understand the people It was my own brand of impos· who can understand it.'' sible.

Project Round-Square finished "Project Round-Square," said a out fast. disgusted technician. "Still seems Dick Colby and I sat in one of crazy to me." the electronics labs and watched "Perhaps it was a bad choice of as the countdown dropped to zero. name," said Colbv next to me. The Closed circuit television brought Michigan electr~nics expert was us a view of the MT-Section, a big tanned and calm, and cheerful as room holding more than a dozen ever. "Did you ever read that poem, aleph-sub-sixes. Dr. Wilbur, the 'The Blind Men and the Ele­ head of the machine translation phant'? It's the same principle. group, sat at the console of an With new senses or a new orienta· aleph-sub-nine, the most advanced tion, apparent contradictions in computer International Business reality might disappear. It's what Machines has ever turned out. some people call 'thinking in other (Nobody really understands it. It categories." was designed by an aleph-sub-eight "Like the wavicle," said some­ and the main purpose of the sixes one else. was that collectively they kept the "Yes," said Richard Colby, his sub-nine from going crazy.) face taunting as he smiled. "When 70 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION physicists were studying certain seem to any direct application. particles, they found that in some But neither did Einstein's equa­ situations they could be thought of tions, or "game theory" when it was as waves, and the equations developed. Any sort of insight into worked out. In other sorts of reac­ the world is likely to be militarily tions, you could think of them as useful these days. It doesn't even particles, and the numbers and have to be technical-remember theories checked out under that hy­ the old German staff armies that pothesis. So the physics men just were so successful. A simple thing shrugged and called 'em wavicles." like the chain of command could "But what does a wavicle look lick the best general who had to like-" boss his own whole show." "I don't know. Nobody knows­ "Just thinking is dangerous but nobody knows what a round­ these days-often deadly." square looks like either." "Maybe they ought to classify The lab grew quiet, as if Colby it," joked Colby. had said something profound. On "But then, I guess it always has the television screen the compu­ been." ters clicked and roared, the tape On the screen the computers drives jerking abruptly in their continued to run. Coverage would vacuum columns. be confined to the machine-trans­ . "What about military applica­ lation lab; the psychologists on the tions-" I croaked at Colby. He staff had decided to have no re­ seemed to be up to date. I hadn't ports from the real center of activ­ paid much attention to all the in­ ity. teroffice junk we got on the pro­ Outside, in a surface lab were a ject-including the "Virgin Tease" dozen adolescents. They had been newsletter that told the lab assist­ trained to their peak as scientists, ant in Subsection Nine of Track well beyond Ph.D.-level. Now they Four of Approach Nineteen what were being sensitized, exposed to progress had been made towards the flood of phenomenon that ordi­ the noble goal of Project Sixty nary people never know about, be­ Nine, of which he sometimes re­ cause our wonderful minds are called he was a member. deaf and dumb to nearly every­ "The guy that hired me told me thing in the universe. And hidden this thing had military applications deep down below their sensitivi­ -1 didn't know if he was kidding ties, there was a biting, burning, or I was in a nightmare." clawing, raving drive to master this Colby looked at me wide-eyed new universe they would meet, and for a moment. "Weil-l don't to see in it the death of the old know. Of course, there doesn't human notion of opposities, con- FOUR BRANDS OF IMPOSSIBLE 71 tradictions, limitations. Nothing, opened them and took up the mi­ their minds raved as they scanned crophone. "Communications es­ new skies, nothing must be impos­ tablished. They're intelligible," he sible. said. And then, in a lower voice, The computers ran for ten hours "I've seen that structure some­ on the screens, while \Vilbur stud­ where before. . . ." ied and fumed and paced and The cheers in the room blotted drank coffee. The subjects would out anything further. Contact es­ now all have come out of anesthe­ tablished, and the response was sia, and would now be studying not gibberish! Well, never mind and observing the multitude of ap­ what it meant! We'd get that soon paratus in the lab. Within it, I had enough. been told, there was operating a . Premature congratulations? demonstration of almost every ma­ Well, perhaps. Remember the sat­ jor scientific phenomenon. The ellite shots, with a rocket roaring sensitized ones had been briefed to up on it's own fire, swimming right the limit, short of data which it into the calculated orbit, ejecting was thought might stultify their its satellite, and the little moon's world view. We could only wait radios bursting into life. That was now. when everyone cheered! Not six A red light glowed on the aleph­ months later, when the miles of sub-nine, and data began pouring telemeter tape had been studied in. Wilbur threw himself into the and re-studied and been given operators' chair, and began chid­ meaning by sweat and genius. Nor ing the immense computer, intui­ did most people feel very bad when tively helping it arrange the data the scientists figured out that some­ into some sort of language which one had forgotten to pull the safety might mean something to man. tabs from the quick-releases, so all His face burned with concentra­ the instruments were shielded and tion. their data meaningless .... Near the end of the four hour The actual results of Project shift he looked at the machine odd­ Round-Square took eleven months ly and tried another system of or­ to evaluate and declassify. They ganization. He looked at it hard came out, nicely distorted, in a again. Then he triggered his sec­ copy of the "Virgin Tease" the retary. The machine, which had V.R.C. mailed to me. . . . responded to his winking-blinking Biologically, it was an unquali­ notes, fed back the information in fied success. The sensitized sub­ binary code in his earphones. jects had broken through to a He sat back and closed hls eyes whole new world of feeling. In for a few moments. Then he physical terms, they were quasi- 72 FANTASY AND SCIP.NCl! FICTION Gods, for they could sense things ture. When it made its appearance, we would never know. It was they would tell you. Meanwhile, more than a widening; new colors it's meaningless to think about such and smells. They could sense forc­ things. es and radiations and bodies all The semanticists were the only forms ofw4ich are ignored by men. satisfied ones. By as to the actual purpose of But this was only announced a the project. . . . year later. Not soon enough to The sensitives had been given save Harry Mandel, who was re­ what seemed to be an insoluable lieved of a multi-linear anihilator, problem -eliminating contradic­ fifty yards from the sensitives lab. tion in a world that required it in He'd slugged a guard and escaped any rational description. The in­ from the Topaz. I understand he's genuity of the human mind, the in a security ward somewhere, still directors of Virgin Research had talking about his buddies while thought, might solve the problem, they watch him very carefully. where the pure logic of machines Dick Colby shrugged and had failed. grinned and had a drink or four Well, they had solved it, in a with me at the celebration, then way. caught the evening ramjet back to Wilbur had been right. The Michigan Multi. Hopi Indians, independently, had I collected my pay, scooter, and evolved a crude version of the recommendations. Then, on the sensitives' solution. The Hopi lan­ evening of the last day, I took a guage did not allow for the com­ long look out across the desert. The plex tenses of the Indo-European sun was smouldering down into a tongues. All time and space to pile of rust, the earth a great Rat them was a single frozen matrix of plum. By coincidence the girl that vents, in which the word "perhaps" had assigned us our quarters was had no equivalent, and the notion out on the desert too, but quite a of "possible" and "impossible" was ways away. I could see she was meaningless. pregnant, and that was interesting To ask, in Hopi, if it might rain to think about, and so I thought tomorrow, was as meaningless as about it. I get a nice feeling when to ask if it was possible it had I see a woman with a child, if I rained yesterday. have time for it-warmth, contin­ To the sensitives, that thing had uity for the race, the safe days of "roundness" and this one had my very young childhood, though "squareness." Could there be such I can hardly remember any of a thing as a round-square? them. There certainly were enough Perhaps, in the forever-fixed fu- signs of it; she was well along. FOUR. BRANDS OF IMPOSSIBLE 73 I got a funny cold feeling. It An hour later I caught the was a tangentila association, a sil­ G.E.M. Emerald back to my own ly one: what the boys used to call multiversity. Classes wouldn't be a "brassiere curve" in the rapids. starting for a while, but I'd figured You know what an ordinary bell out from the summer session cata­ curve looks like? Well, a lot of logue that I could fit in a three teachers use it for marking-most week intensive reading course in of the grades falling at C. Well, in Chinese in the meantime. Chinese the advanced sections some guys is the new "in" language for said the professors used a modified Ph.D.s, like the way Russian used bell curve for figuring out grades­ to be twenty years ago. It was pret­ what they called a "brassiere ty certain we'd be fighting them curve". It looked like this; soon. I figured I could fit in at least two "military application" courses into my fall program. Un­ der the Rickover Plan I could get them tuition-exempt. What else could I do? I could use the money -and jammed up inside the to pay for more programming. Com­ little hump, good and tight near puter operators are in short supply, the B plus, A minus grades, was and I would be sure of a fat in­ the little gang of teenage hotshots come. I could be safe, nothing to -and me. worry about. Maybe I could get The cold expanded into my Virgin Research, or even the chest, numbing. I could look at the D.O.D. itself, to pay for more math sunset, and the blond and her ba­ and science courses. I could plan by, and the labs and drafting boys it all out, interesting problems to and offices and all of it, and not work on the rest of my life, and feel anything at all. Everything get the government to pay for was impersonal, like a diagram in a them. Wouldn't that be clever? text. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Mr. Becker's first entry appeared in our May 1964 issue. Another will be along soon. THE NEW ENCYCLOPAEDIST-11 Entries for the Great Book of History, First Edition, 2100 A.D. by Stephen Becker

Porphyry, Jasper (1935-2014). sentially masochistic and their Enunciator of Porphyry's Cate­ technique was in the juvenile tra­ gories, P's Lament; instigator of dition: an uninterrupted series of P's Literary Schizophrenia. The insignificant events in the lives of Categories (1968) were of Ameri­ unbelievable characters, reported can literary achievement, and in conscientiously pedestrian were three. (I) comprised 90% prose. This was called "the writ~ of the writers of the time. Their er's obligation to the reader," or "talent," as described by P, con­ "narrative power," the latter a sisted of a middling facility in the phrase used often by reviewers, manipulation of a minimal vo­ seldom by critics. First novels by cabulary; rudimentary percep­ anv of this group were usually said tions; unsullied ignorance of either to have "catapulted him man's history; disdain of reason; into the first rank of American and a violent, probably psychotic, novelists" or to "show an immense attachment to the sentimental. promise." Writers of this group were barely (2) were the opposition, some­ distinguishable in style or attitude times called the avant-garde. They and naturally set great store by protested the mythos angrily but publicity, as only the public's au­ failed to see that by doing so they tomatic responses (~Pavlov, were investing it with all the pow­ J.P.) maintained them. They ac­ er the Yahoos had claimed for it cepted without question the prev­ (~Swift, Jonathan). Their pro­ alent mythos (then known as tests naturally failed to reform so­ "reality") and manufactured nov­ ciety and were consequently char­ el after novel in its support, al­ acterized, and vitiated, by a pro­ most all about hanky-panky ( ur­ gressively surlier sadism. These ban, suburban, rural), with ani­ men did, however, rouse the pub­ madversions on the "emotional" lic to an imitation of thought. A conflicts of the era, which were few had a serious talent for lan­ not truly emotional, but simple guage and some understanding of oppositions of childish egos or ab­ their culture, and when they re­ surd fears. These writers were es- sisted absorption by the equestrian 74 THE NEW ENCYCLOPAEDIST 15 classes they were an influence for "proud" (~Theology), etc., and awareness and sanity. They were the number of words in use called anti-Puritans, and were dropped sharply, making all men said to concentrate on sex. P point­ intellectual equals (~Orwell, ed out that a typewriter was not a George). A logical result was woman. . "speed-reading." If meaning had ( 3) was a woefully small group no importance, and the act of that looked upon the mythos with communicating was all, then writ­ generous compassion and there­ ing could be evaluated only quan­ fore transcended it. In a profes­ titatively. (This was a great com­ sional sense they were somewhat fort to Category (I), above.) The indifferent to it. They were re­ fad was much exalted by a Chief quired for survival to acknowledge Executive, probably in under­ it, but in their novels they went standable reaction to the even about the business of a writer, more debatable linguistic achieve­ which was, again in P's words, "to ments of the preceding adminis­ get inside readers by making them tration. "Five thousand words per feel what they are, and not by minute" replaced automobiles and piercing them with exclamation tax-evasion as symbols of status, points." They derived neither from and when a United States Senator ~Richardson and ~ Ronsard nor dropped the phrase "ten thousand from ~Dostoievski and ~Zola, words per minute" P responded but from ~ Rabelais, ~Cervantes, with his famous Lament: "I write and ~Fielding. Each had an in­ slow," he said. "I hate the four dividual and arresting style. They eyed son of a bitch." He had just all knew how to laugh. They en­ spent a year on a novel of one larged their readers. This third hundred thousand words that force of novelists (not to be lightly would occupy the Senator for only confused with the political third ten minutes, and there was always force of the time) did, as we a chance that the Senator would know, endure. (~Bellow, Saul; review it. P then introduced a new Cheever, John) technique that made speed-read­ P's Lament and P's Literary ing virtually impossible: he Schizophrenia rose out of the de­ spaced hi swo rd sandle tter basement of language. The extrav­ sir regul arly. He was aware that agantly publicised new edition of certain mental disorders could be an authoritative American dic­ brought on by flashing lights, re­ tionary sanctioned the use of "in­ peated sounds, etc. ( ~Advertis­ fer" for "imply," which the aver­ ing Industry), and was gratified age man found convenient; in no when a new malady, deliberately time at all "humble" meant induced by young writers who 76 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION joined him, and characterized by intelligibility in prose composi­ stammering, blood-shot eyes, and tion was required of all university partial amnesia, was named P's professors except, of course, in Literary Schizophrenia. Shortly metaphysics. There is a statue of the fads ended; words like "disin­ P adjacent to the Jefferson Monu­ terested," "presently," and "hope­ ment (·~-Jefferson, Thomas; also fully" were restored to proper use; Style) in Washington, D.C.

THEORETICAL PROGRESS

My math requires, when mesons pair, A particle that isn't there. It isn't there again today- Please, Fermi, make it go away. -KAREN ANDERSON

INVESTIGATION OF GALACTIC ETHNOLOGY

The laws of Wolf 50 require Under threat of a punishment dire That the few females born Must marry King Zorn And the commomers all call him "Sire." --KAREN ANDERSON BOOKS

PARAPSYCHOLOGY, FRONTIER SCI­ of science, to the body of organized ENCE OF THE MIND, J, B. Rhine & knowledge known as natural law. J. G. Pratt, Charles C. Thomas. No If this view ultimately prevails it price listed. PARAPSYCHOLOGY, AN will be due in no small measure to INSIDER's VIEW OF ESP, J, Gaither the tireless labors of the Rhine la­ Pratt, Doubleday, $4.95 boratory, with its dice-cages, its cards with the funny squiggles, and As parapsychology is so closely its scrupulously-kept records. linked with the name of J. B. Rhine Dr. Pratt's book is of more of a of Duke University, it is pertinent popular nature, although all those and ou~t to be interesting to see years among the test-cards seem to what he and his chief assistant have have subdued a style perhaps orig­ had to say about it in these two inally not very brilliant. Parapsy· books. However, the Rhine-Pratt chology is the science of mind as volume is really a textbook (and its physics is the science of matter, he cover really does not list a price; says. Parapsychologists are bringing publisher's address is 301 E. Law- about a revolution, and he quotes renee Ave, Springfield, Ill., if you Professor Hart on this "revolution want to inquire) and we really are which demonstrates by laboratory not equipped to review textbooks methods that mind can contact here. But allow me to quote a few mind without the aid of its senses lines. It should from the very be- and regardless of time and space, ginning be made clear that the phe- and that mind can control matter nomena with which parapsychology without physical contacts. • . ." deals are all, without exception, The attempt to investigate this on events of nature. In other words, the laboratory level has perhaps the field of problems belongs en- produced as many problems as it tirely to natural science. [. . . ] has solved. Is the successful psi· Accordingly, whatever comes out of sensitive, for instance, in8uencing the investigations of this field be· the phenomena by telekinesis­ longs, just as in any other branch or is he, instead, aware of the ulti- 77 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION mate results by prerecognition? THE TALES OF HOFFMANN, E. TA. Why does sodium amytal depress Hoffmann, trans. by Michael Bul­ this skill and caffein restore it? lock, Frederick Ungar. Why do those tested and shown to be successful generally sooner­ It is not quite true, boys and or-later "grow stale . . . [and] girls, that when I was young there . . . lose their ability . . ."? How was no television. That was true does hypnosis apparently increase only when I was very young. But this ability? The book is full of fas­ TV existed in New York City by the cinating bits-there is now no rea­ mid-Thirties, and there were a few son to attribute the communication stations (not yet called channels) by bees of certain kinds of knowl­ -all called X342397 or, at any edge to ESP; it has been shown that rate, X-something-like-that. Former the communication is done by President Hoover had a set, Cardi­ bodily motions. On the other hand, nal Spellman had a set, and we all attempts to provide a purely didn't have any set. We had what physical explanation for the was known as "radio", and on Sun­ homing of pigeons have failed. day afternoons our radio was de­ . And, inevitably, so very far from voted to the University of Chicago bees, pigeons, poltergeists, dice and Roundtable, a colloquium which score-cards, is the question of the went round and round and on and survival of the personality-a on; my father finding the droning much more cautious term than im­ voices of those learned doctors both mortality. digestive and pleasantly sopoforific. Any horse can be beaten to One Sunday afternoon of blessed death, or close to it. There has been memory these deadly dialogues a widespread feeling that psionics were allowed to be interupted-I -the practical application of par­ know not how-by a flow of pleas­ apsychology-has received too ant music. "The Tales of Hoff­ much attention in Science Fiction. man," my mother said ... And I Be that as it may, the theory and have honored this pleasant opera practice can hardly have received ever since. too much attention outside of SF, As this is not a musical column, and these two books should be ex­ however, let us on to the stories amined before they are dismissed­ which inspired Offenbach's pretty if dismissed they are. The Rhine­ music. Here is a new translation of Pratt text contains copious bibliog­ five of the East Prussian judicial raphies, a list of "Significant Events councillor's romantic fantasies (or in the Development of Parapsych­ fantastic romances) written at the ology", and quite an interesting early part of the 19th Century. I glossary. don't know if Poe ever read them, BOOKS 79 or Fitz-James O'Brien; but there tant, for American amateur as­ are, or seem to be, affinities. The tronomers will have obtained in­ stories here are unequal in quality formation suitable to their particu­ and in their capacity to command lar needs from other sources. Use­ our respect. The Sandman is a tale ful for all, wherever located, are the of an alchemist's son who falls in very interesting articles: this year love with an android-if this is not they comprise The Distance of the the first, it must be among the very Sun, With Mariner 2 to Venus, Se­ first, uses of such a theme. Made­ lenology-or Geology A.pplied to moiselle .de Scudery did not allow the Moon, The Great Red Spot on itself to be read by me . . . after Jupiter, Telescope Mounting, As­ the first 20 pages it began to have tronomy and Navigation, The Sur­ the same effect as the U. of Chi. face of Saturn, Planetary Nebulae: Roundtable. Datura Fatuosa tells Harrison, Maskelyne and the Lon­ about a magic garden used by a gitude Problem, The Short-period Spanish count to seduce one Eu­ Comets, and Recent Advances .in genius, a real nut of a botanist. The Astronomy. There is also a glossary. count turns out to be a crypto­ Jesuit, and hence capable of any­ OUTER SPACE RUMOR, compiled by thing-including a magic garden. Charles Winick, Peter Pauper. The King's Bride is a perfectly charming diversion in which the "An unemployed astronaut went daughter of a cabbalist finds herself to collect his unemployment insur­ affianced to a gnome of the Paracel­ ance. He was asked if he'd been cus sort. The final section, Gam­ fired from his previous job. 'No,' bler's Luck, is not our sort of fan­ he said, 'I was fired into the job.' " tasy, and is really less credible than This book's got a million of 'm. It's the ones which are. All in all, this an otherwise attractive little volume selection from the Tales is a rather like most Peter Pauper Press books, mixed bag, but··one worthy of at­ and has cute pictures by James tention nonetheless. Schwering. "An Indian and his son were standing on a hill overlooking 1964 YEARBOOK OF ASTRONOMY, ed the valley. The father said, 'Some­ by J. G. Porter and Patrick Moore, day, we Indians shall get this land W. W. Norton, $3.95 back. The palefaces will go to the moon.' " It's got a million of 'm! These neat little volumes reach us late, are reviewed later, and in SWORDS AND SORCERY, L. Sprague any event are not calculated for de­ de Camp, ed., Pyramid, 50¢ grees of north latitude to the south of Canada. This is not too impor- These columns do not usually RO FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION review paperback anthologies (or The Distressing Tale Of Thango­ collections) compiled from SF mag­ brind The Jeweller is Lord Dunsany azines; however, as a Cockney of at his best: no more need be said. our aquaintance once put it: "Stand Robert E. Howard is represented by stryte-but not rigid." This volume Shadows In The Moonlight, a di­ is an exception, deservedly, and version of that other Tarzan, Conan not just because only some of the the capital-b Barbarian; and has stories are SF magazine reprints. got just about the whole works­ "Sword and sorcery," as a genre, is deserts, islands, pirates, cruel orien­ capable of rousing emotions only a tal monarchs, pretty swooning little less hot than those engendered maidens, ruined cities, great apes, by the repeal of the Missouri Com­ duels to the death, and the indis­ promise. We are not among the hot­ pensable bloodstained athletic sup­ heads, however, being neither for porter which the hero never takes it nor agin it, but insisting upon off. No one could claim that The the same standards by which other Citadel of Darkness is one of Hen­ fiction is judged. This volume is for­ ry Kuttner's best, but, then, his best tunate in its editor, and not less so was among the best there is. This in its illustrator, the illustrious Vir­ one has its own seven-Sign Zodiac, gil Finlay. Congrattoes to Pyramid and lots of swords and lots of sor­ for providing not only illustrations, cery. When The Sea King's Away but such an Illustrator. is one of Fritz Leiber's stories about The contents consist in an out­ Fafhrd and Grey Mouser in the not­ standing octave-even though I'm quite-lost Land of Lankhmar-in­ sorry to have to regard Clark Ash­ triguing, and not a little puzzling. ton Smith's The Testament of Ath­ And for those that like Lovecraft, ammaus as outstandingly bad­ The Doom That Came To Sarnath plus a good, short introduction is probably the kind of story they ("Heroic Fantasy") by de Camp. like. And C. L. Moore's Jirel of Poul Anderson's The Valor of Cap­ Joiry (a swordswoman, for a pen V arra has its sources in old change) tale, Hellsgarde, is a lot Danish Legend, thankfully has a better than it ought to be. All in a minimum of mead-hom thumping, all, a good four-bits' worth, this. is rich in Andersonian invention. -AVRAM DAVIDSON Laurence M. Janlfer we haoe already demibed and dlscuased and have no intention of doing so again right here; Michael Kut· land barely paused long enough on his return from Army service in Europe a short while ago to bespealc at his tailor's a suit with cuffless trousers-and immediately plunged into a successful writ­ ing career. Both men are at any rate quite familiar with the way1 of literary agents ... in fact, ]anifer is himself an agent . . . M well as those of the writers (poor devils) who sell through them. Here, then, is an intimate glimpse which Reveals AU that reaUy goes on behind those frosted glass windows. Like the one about the Giant Rat of Sumatra, this may be a nory for which the world is not prepared • • •

ELEMENTARY

by Laurence M. Janifer and Michael Kurland

''Excellent!" I cried. "You know," Ewing said in a "Elementary," said he. quiet tone, ''he looks peaceful." -The Crooked Man, by John HAs still as death,'' Blake said. H. Watson, M.D. "He never liked cliches." "He used to cut them from my THE TWO MEN STOOD SIDB BY manuscripts," Ewing said. side, each holding a small revolver. "And mine," Blake said softly. Both revolvers were smoking slight­ "Sometimes he called up to com­ ly. One of the men was named plain." Blake, the other Ewing. Blake had 'Well, that's all over with now," a beard, as befit a successful au­ Ewing said. thor. Ewing, a comparative novice, "Done with, you mean," Blake was thinking about starting a small said. "All done with." moustache. Behind the desk, Ham­ Ewing accepted the correction ish Seul'homme stared blankly in silence. Another second passed back, the two bullet-holes hardly while both gazed in a satisfied bleeding at all, his seated figure fashion on the body of Hamish barely disarranged. Seul'homme. 81 82 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION "Literary agents," Ewing said at the lights were turned out and, as last, "will learn a lesson from Ewing knelt to begin work on the this. " ~ork tiling, Blake swung open the "Not to mention," Blake added, door soundlessly. In the dim corri­ "detective-story writers. Perhaps dor lighting the letters shone: we ought to get busy." HAMISH SEUL'HOMME "By all means," Ewing said. LITERARY REPRESENTATIVE Carefully, both men checked the OFFICES IN NEW YORK, office for traces of their habitation, LONDON, PARIS, ROME, but there were few. Ewing picked SAN FRANCISCO, HONO­ up a small shred of lint which had LULU, MUNICH, TOKIO, fallen on the cork-tiled floor from RIO DE JANEIRO AND the pocket of his suede jacket. ATHENS Blake retrieved a stray beard-hair "THE FRIENDLY AGENCY" which had caught somehow in the BY APPOINTMENT ONLY desk-blotter. "We'll need a new agent," Ew­ Blake barely gave them a ing said. glance. His steely eyes roved the "I suppose so," Blake said sadly. corridor for a second in silence. "But perhaps the next one will be Then he wltispered: "There's no­ different. They can't all be like bodv around." Seul'homme, can they?" "Good," Ewing said. He had "They all seem to be," Ewing pryed up a small section of floor­ said. "I've heard a lot of writers ing, and was panting slightly. talking about their agents-" "Got the key?" "I know," Blake said. "It's a ter­ Blake searched in his pockets. rible world." He sighed. "But per­ "Right here," he said at last. "It got haps this death will teach them. stuck in my notebook." He pro­ Perhaps they will learn to re­ duced it. Ewing took it with a form." gloved hand and inserted it in the "Stop returning our best stories," lock from the inside. From anotlter Ewing said. pocket, Blake produced a pencil, "Stealing our plots for other which Ewing put through the hole writers," Blake added. at the top of the key. "Refusing us advances," Ewing "You're sure they won't miss the said. key?" Ewing said. "Taking two-hour lunches," "They don't even know it ex­ Blake finished, "on our ten per ists," Blake said. "I took a wax im­ cents." pression of his key six months ago. Now, carefully, they went to This is the result. Even then, I the door of the suite of offices. All could see this moment coming." ELEMENTAllY 83 "Far-sighted of you," Ewing it feD back into place and adhered, commented admiringly. thanks to the quick-drying cement "Nothing at all," Blake said. with which he had spread its un­ "After a while you develop a sense derside. for these matters." Blake pocketed key and pencil: Ewing now attached a long Ewing took as his share the string string to the key, leading it round and the ruler. A second of silence the door to the outside. In the cor­ went by. ridor, he too looked round for a "You know,'' Ewing said, "I second. want to say that I'm proud to be "No one at all," he said. "You'd associated with you in an enter­ think there would be people work­ prise like this." ing late." "You've been a great help," "America's going downhill," Blake said. "I could never have Blake said regretfully. "They aon't done it alone.'' take pride in their jobs any more." "I'm grateful you think so," Ew­ "True," Ewing said. "Sad, but ing said. true." "I wonder,'' Blake began after a The door was closed. From the few seconds. "Who do you think outside, Ewing now inserted a will find him?" long metal ruler which just fit un­ "His secretary, probably," Ew­ der the bottom of the door. Work­ ing said. "She never liked me." ing by touch, he slid the ruler un­ "Nor me," Blake said. "Used to der the cork tiling and then lifted tell me Seul'homme was out when the tiling up by angling the ruler. I wanted an advance." At last he held the ruler steady. "Me too." "Got it?" Blake asked curtly. Quite suddenly, they heard foot­ "Got it,'' Ewing replied. steps around a corner of the hall. Blake began work on the string "Well,'' Blake said, "we'd better -first turning the key inside to be going.'' lock the door, then jerking the key "Right-oh,'' Ewing replied. out so that it fell to the empty floor, They headed for the automatic while Ewing pushed the cork til­ elevators. ing still farther out of its way. "You know,'' Ewing said as they With the tiling gone, they key fit stepped aboard, "I can't think that easily under the door as Blake led anyone will miss him.'' it out on its string, and the pencil "A literary agent?" Blake said came along after only a short with a little laugh. "Don't be silly, struggle. young man. Of course nobody will Ewing let the cork tiling drop, miss him. The office will be closed and both men heard the thunk as -that's all. And that snip of a 84 FANTASY AND SCIENCE PICJ10N secretary will have to find a new The secretary did a few clicking job." He paused. "Perhaps we things with her switchboard, and ought to stop by tomorrow and ex­ then turned back to the two au­ press suitable surprise," he said, thors. "He's in," she said. "And "but hardly regret. No one could he'll see you, though I'm sure I expect us to show regret." don't know why." "Quite," Ewing said. He had re­ Now frankly puzzled, Blake and cently had some success with a Ewing made their way across the series of mysteries set in New Scot­ familiar tiled Boor to the interior land Yard. office, and pushed open the door. "Well, boys," Hamish Seul­ At three o'clock the following 'homme said cheerfully, "always afternoon, Blake stepped out of glad to see a few of my hard-work­ the automatic elevator and started ing authors. Lucky you caught me down the corridor, Ewing the ob­ -I'm just back from lunch and I ligatory few feet behind. At the have an appointment with some door of the Hamish Seul'homme movie starlets. What's new?" offices, both stopped. "There's no one inside," Ewing Phillips, a rotund man who said, shocked. seemed to take up enough room "Don't be silly," Blake said. for any two average human beings, "Probably they're all in Seul­ stirred in his chair. "Normal 'homme's private offices, trying to enough," he wheezed fatly. "I sup­ figure out what happened." pose every writer's had the experi­ "A locked room," Ewing mur­ ence. I know I did, once, with my mured. "A perfect locked room." agent." Blake turned the door-handle. Blake and Ewing leaned for­ The door opened. ward eagerly. "But this is different "You see?" he said as he stepped -" Ewing began. inside. "Yes," Blake cut in. "We called The secretary looked up from you over here because we can't un­ her desk inside the outer door. derstand what happened. Both of "Oh," she said. "You." She noticed us remember the murder-the ac­ Ewing behind Blake after a sec­ tual murder-so it can't have been ond, but said nothing more. a dream." "Is he in, Ursula?" Blake asked. "But it was," Phillips said. "It The secretary sniffed audibly. always is. I remember when I mur­ "I'll check, if you really need to dered my agent-a most convinc­ see him," she said. ing dream. And going to see him "Please do," Ewing said, with a the next afternoon was a shock, be­ slight frown. lieve me. To sleep, perchance to ELEMENTARY 85 dream . . ." He sighed. Phillips At eleven o'clock the next eve­ had the unfortunate habit of laps­ ning, the floor which held the ing into quotation on almost no Hamish Seul'homme offices was provocation, which gave him an deserted, except for the dead body air at once learned and unoriginal. of Hamish Seul'homme, and the "But you get over it, boys," he said. fairly lively ones of Blake and "Believe me, you get over it." Ewing. "I tell you-" Ewing began. "It's lucky you could convince "Of course, all this is in confi­ him to stay late," Ewing said. dence?" Blake asked suddenly. "Yesterday and now today." "Of course," Phillips said mas­ "I told him I wanted to discuss sively. "I shall be as silent as the a new agency contract," Blake said grave-ha-ha-the grave into wearily. "That always gets them." which you put your agent." "But was yesterday a dream?" "Because we intend to try Ewing asked. "Or what?" again," Blake said. "Do you know "You got me," Blake said inele­ what he's done? He's agreed to let gantly. "But today-this time we Spanish rights to my books go for know for sure." twenty-eight dollars each!" "Right," Ewing said. "And he didn't even bother to "And it's a good thing, at that," argue with the publishers who re­ Blake said. "That locked-room idea turned my latest book!" Ewing was fancy, but it would never added. work. Suppose the tiling fell back "Don't blame you in the least," a little off center-first thing the Phillips said. "Murder most foul cops would notice. Or scratches in . . . the only thing for an agent. the lock from the way we pulled But don't worry about that dream." the key out. Even our gloves must "But it couldn't have been-" have left smudges here and there. Ewing began. They'd realize it was two of us­ "Whatever you say," Blake add­ and then they'd have us. We're the ed smoothly. "And-if you ever only two who came up there to­ need help in any little job of your gether." own-" "But this time-" Ewing began. "Oh, I gave that all up years "This time they won't know ago," Phillips said. "Love thy fel­ how many there were," Blake said. low man, you know, and all that." "Seul'homme has three shots in Blake and Ewing shook their him, from three different guns­ heads. "Surely," Blake said, "you're and then there's all this." carrying love a little too far?" His gesture covered the contents "I mean, after all," Ewing add­ of the open valise, which were ed. "An agent." spread out on the floor of the suite. 86 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION Several grimy caps from the city's ''We'll scram," Blake said. second-hand-clothing stores, a pile ''We'IJ take it on the lam." of old and muddy shoes from vari­ In the elevator, he turned to ous places, some crumpled copies his younger partner. "Do you of tabloid newspapers, a length of know," he said, "that Seul'homme iron pipe and other such items lay once told me I had no grasp of scattered before them. criminal lingo?" "A gang murder," Ewing said. "Shocking," Ewing said sadly. "It's a great idea." "But that's alJ over with now." "Right," Blake said. Rapidly, the two men began making foot­ Afternoon rolJed round, cor­ prints with the muddy shoes, foot­ rectly on schedule, and at three prints toward the body and away o'clock Blake and Ewing stood from it, back to the front door. once more before the Hamish There the shoes were wiped clean Seul'homme offices. "Again?" Ew­ with the tabloid sheets, which were ing murmured. left crumpled in a corner. "They're all inside, that's all," "Gee, boss," Ewing said, "this Blake returned, but without real gimmick works swell." conviction. · "Sure does, kid," Blake said. "A The sight of Seul'homme's sec­ h- of a .lot better than the other retary, when he opened the· door, notion." was hardly even a shock. "This is the real stuff," Ewing "Well?" she said nastily. "What said admiringly. do you want this time?" Blake tracked one more pair of "Is-" Blake began. "Is-" shoes dizzily to the door. "That "Yes, he's in," the secretary said. oughta wrap it up, kid," he said. "Why don't you go home and "Let's blow." write, instead of bothering him all "Sure-mike," Ewing said. ''You're the time?" the boss." Ewing said: "But-" and ''You're d- tootin' I am," Blake stopped. said with satisfaction. The valise There didn't seem anything else was repacked, leaving the caps, the to say. iron pipe, and suchlike dues scat­ tered in the office. Both men That night, in Blake's apart­ stepped silently out into the empty ment, both men sat, morose, con­ hallway. fused and determined. Suddenly there was the sound "Something's gone wrong," of footsteps. Blake said. "Cheese it, the cops," Ewing "There's something awfully muttered hoarsely. strange here," Ewing said. ELEMENTARY 87 "We killed him," Blake said. "Seul'homme," Ewing said in­ "Twice. I remember it distinctly." stantly. "And 1," Ewing said. "But we killed him," Blake said. A locked-room murder, and a "Maybe he's weari:Dg a bullet­ gang murder," Blake said. proof vest," Ewing said. "Maybe Ewing frowned. "Didn't the he's playing with us." gang murder come first?" he asked. "That could be it," Blake said. "The locked room first," Blake "Still . . ," said. "Classic tradition. Then the A silence fell. Both authors sat romantic." thinking deeply. After a time "What's next?" Ewing asked. Blake looked up. Ewing gazed at "We can't go on murdering him him attentively. forever," Blake said. "We've got to "Yes?" the younger man said at figure out what's gone wrong." last. Ewing nodded sadly. "You "Even a bullet-proof vest,'' Blake know," he said, "I wouldn't even said, "would do little good after a mind being caught, not as much as fall from Seul'homme's office win­ I mind this." dow." "It is sort of eerie," Blake said. "On the thirty-second floor," "Let's have one more try, Ewing said. "Wonderful! Amaz­ though," Ewing said. HMaybe we'll ing!" be able to figure the whole thing Blake shrugged, stroking his out this time." beard. "Elementary," he said cas­ "Another gang murder?" ually. Ewing shrugged. "Well, why not?" he asked. Coming up in the elevator, "Repetitious," Blake said. "Be­ somewhat boredJy, the next night, sides, it's so complicated. And tir­ the two authors carried no tools. ing. And I'm sure the police would Only a small sheet of paper, folded have traced back our clues to the over, rested in Blake's inside jacket second-hand shops and such." pocket. "Come to think of it," Ewing "Of course, you'll copy it over said slowly, "what happened to on Seul'homme's typewriter," Ew­ the clues? Someone must have ing said. taken them away . . ." "Of course," Blake said. "But it "It's a plot," Blake said. doesn't do to run these things out Ewing nodded. "It's supposed first-draft. A really good suicide to be a plot," he said. "But it's sup­ note requires careful revision." He posed to be our plot." patted his pocket. "If I say so my­ "Someone," Blake said, "is re­ self, I came up with some fine vising us." touches here and there," he added. 88 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION "Oh, very fine indeed," Ewing "But-" Blake began. said. "That bit about not being "You can't-" Ewing said. able to live with his conscience The two Hamish Seul'hommes after all the terrible things he's sighed. "Authors," they said. "No done to authors-" imagination, no intellect, no pow­ "And I must admit you helped er of reason. And we give them with the phrasing here and there,'' ninety per cent of our money. Ri- Blake put in. . diculous!" They waved the guns "Oh, now, really," Ewing said, negligently and sighed again. abashed. "Anyone would have ''You're-you're a corporation done the same." of identical beings," Blake stam­ The elevator let them off, and mered. "From an alien planet. And they walked quietly down the cor­ you've come to conquer Earth, but ridor to the familiar door. Blake you-" opened it with his gloved hand. "Silly,'' the two Seul'hommes "Come inl" Hamish Seul'homme chided . said cheerily. "Come right in." . "It's hypnotism,'' Ewing said. The two authors took a step for­ ''You've managed to hypnotize us ward, then another. "Stand where into believing that there are two of you are!" Blake commanded, draw­ you, so that-" ing his gun. "Inane," the Seul'hommes said. Ewing drew his own. Facing "All right,'' Blake conceded af­ them, Hamish Seul'homme smiled. ter a glance at his despondent part­ Then, for both authors, every­ ner. "We give up. What are you?'' thing went black. 'We,'' the two Seul'hommes said, "are an agent. We have been "I'm seeing double," Blake whis­ known as ten-per-centers-why pered. "Whatever hit me on the should it surprise you that there head has affected my brain." are ten of us-each in one of our "Mine, too," Ewing said. "I see main offices?" two of them." "But-" Blake began. "But-" Sprawled in chairs, loosely tied, "We have a country estate,'' the both authors confronted their en­ two Seul'hommes said. "All agents emy. have country estates. You must "But we are twins," the two have noticed that. Yet they are al­ Hamish Seul'hommes said. Each ways in the city. Have you never of them was holding one of the wondered why we maintain a revolvers with which Blake and country place?" Ewing had planned to back Seul­ "Well," Ewing began, "1-" 'homme to the window. "In a "Crude,'' the Seul'hommes said. way," the two added. "Lacking in imagination. Brutish ELEMENTARY 89 and stupid." They smiled. "It is on My God, man, how would we our estates, naturally," they said, live?'' "that we grow new ones. Just like "Aha," Blake said cleverly. every other agent. Ten active parts "Then you need us, too.'' at a time-with ten per cent for "Can't get along without us," each. And a new supply coming Ewing said. up." The Seul'hommes merely nod­ ''You mean we really did-" ded. "Of course," they said. "But Blake said. we're going to swear you to silence. "Kill us?" the Seul'hommes said. Can't let the word get out, you "Of course. And, to be frank, it's know." getting to be a bore. We decided to Blake and Ewing looked at each stop it. You two are much more other. "Writers," Blake said at stubborn than most authors. Most last, "deserve to know.'' of them seem easily enough con­ "It's the least we can do," Ew­ vinced that they have experienced ing added. no more than a particularly vivid The Seul'hommes merely wait­ dream." ed. Blake thought of saying: "Like Phillips," Ewing said in a "Aha," again, but a lone "Aha,'' all hushed voice. by itself, somehow lacked elegance. Blake turned a steely gaze on Or even meaning, he thought. his companion. "No names!" he "It's an impasse,'' Ewing said at hissed. last. "You can't kill us, and you "Oh, we know about Phillips,'' can't let us live." the Seul'hommes said blandly. "As "Writers," the Seul'hommes said a matter of fact, he knows about us to each other, sadly. "Always that as well-though he knows it triumphant leap at the obvious." wouldn't do for him to mention They sighed. "No subtlety," they the fact.'' said. "No intellect. No depth." "Not even-" Ewing began. "Now, wait a minute-" Blake "Not even to another ·author,'' began. the Seul'hommes said. "Exactly The Seul'hommes raised one so." They chuckled in unison, a hand each. "Consider," they said. horrible sound. "Of course, his "We will not dio;pute your feelings agent-all ten of him-has made toward agents. After all, that's it worth his while." none of our concern.'' They mig­ Blake took a deep breath. "And gered. "But your feelings toward now,'' he said bravely, "you're go­ other writers-this idiotic loyalty ing to kill us?" " "Good Lord, nol" the Seul­ It was Ewing's tum to say: 'hommes cried. "Kill an author? "Now, wait a minute-" 90 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION ''What have other writers ever faction. "And now that you've de­ done for you?" the Seul'hommes cided to join us-" Blake and Ew­ asked. "Stolen your plots, taken up ing winced slightly, but remained space in magazines you want to firm-"we really ought to help you write for, anticipated all your best out, as well." ideas-why, however you feel "Help us out?" Blake asked. about agents, can't you see that it's "Exactly," the Seul'hommes other writers you really ought to said. "Haven't you ever noticed dislike?" how a few writers can provide There was a little silence. At enough material-enough stories last Blake, as senior, spoke. "Well," and books-to flood even today's he said, "if you put it that way-" markets? A mystery writer or two "Writers become editors, as here, a science-fiction writer there, well," the Seul'hommes said. "And a humorist, a novelist-all making anthologists. Why, if it weren't for enormous sums of money on sheer other writers, you could publish production." anything you liked, anywhere. Ewing stared. ''What do you You'd have no problems at all." mean?" he asked in a whisper. Ewing nodded decisively. "Let The Seul'hommes shrugged. them fend for themselves," he said. "It's very simple," they said. "I don't see why we should do a ''You've heard critics talk about the thing for them." way a writer has grown. What did "If necessary," Blake added, you think they meant?" "we'll even mislead them. They de­ "Grown?'' Blake said. serv~ misleading." "Of course," the Seul'hommes The Seul'hommes smiled. "Per­ said. "How much work do you fectly proper," they said with satis- think ten of you could do?"

ABOUT THE COVER

This month's cover by Mel Hunter depicts a ship descending through the cloud layers on the day side of Venus. Molten and glow­ ing red surface of planet are visible beneath the gale-tom lower cloud deck. This painting is one of a group of murals done by Mel Hunter for the restaurant at the Transportation and Travel Pavilion of the Worlds Fair. SCIENCE 0

THE HASTE-MAKERS

by Isaac Asimov

WHEN I FIRST BEGAN WRITING about science for the general public­ far back in medieval times-I coined a neat phrase about the activity of a "light-fingered magical catalyst." My editor stiffened as he came across that phrase, but not with ad­ miration (as had been my modestly confident expectation). He turned on me severely and said, "Nothing in science is magical. It may be puz­ zling, mysterious, inexplicable-but it is never magical." It pained me, as you can well imagine, to have to learn a lesson from an editor, of all people, but the lesson seemed too good to miss and, with many a wry grimace, I learned it. That left me, however, with the problem of describing the workings of a catalyst, without calling upon magical power for an explanation. Thus, one of the first experiments conducted by any beginner in a high-school chemistry laboratory is to prepare oxygen by heating potas­ sium chlorate. If it were only potassium chlorate he were heating, oxy­ gen would be evolved, but slowly and only at comparatively high tem­ peratures. So he is instructed to add some manganese dioxide first. When he heats the mixture, oxygen comes off rapidly at comparatively low temperatures. What does the manganese dioxide do? It contributes no oxygen. At the conclusion of the reaction it is all still there, unchanged. Its mere presence seems sufficient to hasten the evolution of oxygen. It is a haste- maker or, more properly, a catalyst. . And how can one explain influence by mere presence? Is it a kind of molecular psi force, an extrasensory perception on the part of potas­ sium chlorate that the influential aura of manganese dioxide is present? 91 92 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION Is it telekinesis, a para-natural action at a distance on the part of the manganese dioxide? Is it, in short, magic? Well, let's see-

To begin at the beginning, as I almost invariably do, the first and most famous catalyst in scientific history never existed. The alchemists of old sought methods for turning base metals into gold. They failed and so it seemed to them that some essential ingredient was missing in their recipes. The more imaginative among them con­ ceived of a substance which, if added to the mixture they were heating (or whatever), would bring about the production of gold. A small quan­ tity would suffice to produce a great deal of gold and it could be recov­ ered and used again, no doubt. No one had ever seen this substance but it was described, for some reason, as a dry, earthy material. The ancient alchemists therefore called it "xerion" from a Greek word meaning "dry." In the 8th Century, the Arabs took over alchemy and called this gold­ making catalyst "the xerion" or, in Arabic, "al-iksir." When west Euro­ peans finally learned Arabic alchemy in the 13th Century, "al-iksir" be­ came "elixir." As a further tribute to its supposed dry earthy properties, it was com­ monly called, in Europe, the "philosopher's stone." (Remember that as late as 1800, a "natural philosopher" was what we would now call a "scientist.") · · The amazing elixir was bound to have other marvelous properties as well and the notion arose that it was a cure for all diseases and might very well confer immortality. Hence, alchemists began to speak of the "elixir of life." For centuries, the philosopher's stone and/or the elixir of life was searched for but not found. Then, when finally a catalyst was found, it brought about the formation not of lovely shiny gold, but messy, danger­ ous sulfuric acid. • Wouldn't you know?

Before 1740, sulfuric acid was hard to prepare. In theory, it was easy. You burn sulfur, combining it with oxygen to form sulfur dioxide (SO.). You burn sulfur dioxide further to make sulfur trioxide (SO.). You dissolve sulfur trioxide in water to make sulfuric acid (H.SO,). The trick, though, was to make sulfur dioxide combine with oxygen. That could only be done slowly and with difficulty. " Tht#'s aU right, though. Sulfuric acid may not be as costly as gold, but it is­ conservatively spulcing-a trillion times as useful. THE HASTB-MAKUS 93 In the 1740's, however, an English sulfuric acid manufacturer named Joshua Ward must have reasoned that saltpeter (potassium nitrate), aJ.. though non-inflammable itself, caused carbon and sulfur to bum with great avidity. (In fact, carbon plus sulfur plus saltpeter is gunpowder.) Consequently, he added saltpeter to his burning sulfur and found that he now obtained sulfur trioxide without much trouble and could make sulfuric acid easily and cheaply. The most wonderful thing about the process was that, at the end, the saltpeter was still present, unchanged. It could be used over and over again. Ward patented the process and the price of sulfuric acid dropped to 5 percent of what it was before. · Magic?-Well, no. In 1806, two French chemists, Charles Bernard Desormes and Nicho­ las Clement, advanced an explanation that contained a principle which is accepted to this day. It seems, you see, that when sulfur and saltpeter bum together, sulfur dioxide combines with a portion of the saltpeter molecule to form a com­ plex. The oxygen of the saltpeter portion of the complex transfers to the sulfur dioxide portion, which now breaks away as sulfur trioxide. What's left, (the saltpeter fragment minus an oxygen) proceeds to pick up that missing oxygen, very readily, from the atmosphere. The saltpeter fragment, restored again, is ready to combine with an addi­ tional molecule of sulfur dioxide and pass along another oxygen. It is the saltpeter's task simply to pass oxygen from air to sulfur dioxide as fast as it can. It is a middleman, and of course it remains unchanged at the end of the reaction. In fact, the wonder is not that a catalyst hastens a reaction while re­ maining apparently unchanged; but that anyone should suspect even for a moment that anything "magical" is involved. If we were to come across the same phenomenon in the more ordinary affairs of life, we would cer­ tainly not make that mistake of assuming magic. For instance-Consider a half-finished brick wall and, five feet from it, a heap of bricks and some mortar. If that were all, then you would expect no change in the situation between 9 A.M. and 5 P.M., except that the mortar would dry out. Suppose, however, that at 9 A.M. you observed one factor in addi­ tion; a man, in overalls, standing quietly between the wall and the heap of bricks with his hands empty. You observed matters again at 5 P.M. and the same man is standing there, his hands still empty. He had not changed. However, the brick wall is now completed and the heap of bricks is gone. 94 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION The man clearly fulfills the role of catalyst. A reaction has taken place as a result, apparently, of his mere presence and without any visible change or diminution in him. Yet would we dream for a moment of saying "Magic!"? We would, instead, take it for granted that had we observed the man in detail all day, we would have caught him transferring the bricks from the heap to the wall one at a time. And what's not magic for the bricklayer is not magic for the saltpeter, either.

With the birth and progress of the 19th Century, more examples of this sort of thing were discovered. In 1812, for instance the, Russian chemist, Gottlieb Sigismund Kirchhoff- And here I break off and begin a longish digression for no other reason than that I want to; relying, as I always do, on the infinite patience and good humor of the Gentle Readers. It may strike you that in saying "The Russian chemist, Gottlieb Sigis­ mund Kirchhoff" I have made a humorous error. Surely no one with a name like Gottlieb Sigismund Kirchhoff can be a Russian! It depends, however, on whether you mean a Russian in an ethnic or in a geographic sense. To explain what I mean, let's go back to the beginning of the 13th Century. At that time, the regions of Courland and Livonia, along the southeastern shores of the Baltic Sea (the modern Latvia and Esthonia) were inhabited by virtually the last group of pagans in Europe. It was Crusade-time and the Germans to the southeast felt it a pious duty to slaughter the poorly armed and disorganized pagans for the sake of their souls. The crusading Germans were of the "Order of the Knights of the Sword" (better known by the shorter and more popular name of "Livo­ nian Knights"). They were joined in 1237 by the Teutonic Knights who had first established themselves in the Holy Land. By the end of the 13th Century, the Baltic shores had been conquered with the German expedi­ tionary forces in control. The Teutonic knights, as a political organization, did not maintain control for more than a couple of centuries. They were defeated by the Poles in the 1460's. The Swedes, under Gustavus Adolphus, took over in the 1620's, and in the 1720's, the Russians, under Peter the Great, replaced the Swedes. Nevertheless, however the political tides might shift and whatever flag flew and to whatever monarch the loyal inhabitants might drink toasts, the land itself continued to belong to the "Baltic barons" (or THE HAS'ft·MAKERS 95 "Baits") who were the German-speaking descendants of the Teutolde Knights. Peter the Great was an aggressive Westernizer who bullt a new capi· tal, St. Petersburg"' at the very edge of the Livonian area and the Baits were a valued group of subjects indeed. This remained true all through the 18th and 19th Centuries when the Baits possessed an influence within the Russian Empire out of all proportion to their numbers. Their influence in Russian science was even more lopsided. The trouble was that public education within Russia lagged far be­ hind its status in western Europe. The Tsars saw no reason to encourage education and make trouble for themselves. No doubt they felt instinc­ tively that a corrupt and stupid government is only really safe in the hands of the uneducated. This meant that Russians who wanted an education had to go abroad, especially if they wanted a graduate education in science. Going abroad was not easy, either, for it meant learning a new language and new ways. What's more, the Russian Orthodox Church viewed all westerners as heretics and little better than heathen. Contact with heathen ways (such as science) was at best dangerous and at worst damnation. Conse­ quently, for a Russian to travel west for an education meant the over­ coming of religious scruples, too. The Baits, however, were German in culture and Lutheran in religion and had none of these inhibitions. They shared, with the Germans of Germany itself, in the heightening level of education-in particular, of scientific education-through the 18th and 19th Centuries. So it follows that among the great Russian scientists of the 19th Cen· tury, we not only have a man with a name like Gottlieb Sigismund Kirchhoff, but also others with names like Friedrich Konrad Beilstein, Karl Ernst von Baer, and Wilhehn Ostwald. This is not to say that there weren't Russian scientists, in this period, with Russian names also, Examples are Mikhail Vasilievich Lomonosov, Alexander Onufrievich Kovalevski, and Dmitri lvanovich Mendeleev. However, Russian officialdom actually preferred the Baits (who sup­ ported the Tsarist government under which they flourished) to the Rus­ sian intelligentsia itself (which frequently made trouble and had vague notions of reform). In addition, the Germans were the 19th Century scientists par ex· cellence and to speak Russian with a German accent probably lent dis- " The city wm named for his name-saint and *" for himself. Whatever Tsar Peter .,as, a saint he wm not. • FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION tinction to a scientist. (And before you sneer at this point of view, just think of the American stereotype of a rocket scientist. He has a thick German accent, nicht wahr?-And this, despite the fact that the first rocket-man, and the one whose experiments started the Germans on the proper track, spoke with a New England twang.) So it happened that the Imperial Academy of Sciences of the Russian Empire (the most prestigious scientific organization in the land) was divided into a "German party" and a "Russian party", with the former dominant. In 1880, there was a vacancy in the chair of chemical technology at the Academy, and two names were proposed. The German party pro­ posed Beilstein, and the Russian party proposed Mendeleev. There was no comparison really. Beilstein spent years of his life preparing an encyclopedia of the properties and methods of preparation of many thou­ sands of organic compounds, which, with numerous supplements and additions, is still a chemical bible. This is a colossal monument to his thorough, hard-working competence-but it is no more. Mendeleev, who worked out the periodic table of the elements, was, on the other hand, a chemist of the first magnitude; an undoubted genius in the field. Nevertheless, government officials threw their weight behind Beil­ stein, who was elected bv a vote of ten to nine. It is no wonder, then, that in recent years, when the Russians have finally won a respected place in the scientific sun, they tend to overdo things a bit. They've got a great deal of humiliation to make up for.

That ends the digression, so I'll start over- As the I 9th Century wore on, more examples of haste-making were discovered. In 1812, for instance, the Russian chemist, Gottlieb Sigis­ mund Kirchhoff, found that if he boiled starch in water to which a small amount of sulfuric acid had been added, the starch broke down to a simple form of sugar, one that is now called glucose. This would not hap­ pen in the absence of acid. When it did happen in the presence of acid, that acid was not consumed but was still present at the end. Then, in 1816, the English chemist, Humphry Davy, found that cer­ tain organic vapors, such as those of alcohol, combined with oxygen more easily in the presence of metals such as platinum. Hydrogen combined more easily with oxygen in the presence of platinum also. Fun and games with platinum started at once. In 1823, a German chemist, Johann Wolfgang Dobereiner, set up a hydrogen generator which, on turning an appropriate stopcock, would allow a jet of hydro­ gen to shoot out against a strip of platinum foil. The hydrogen promptly THE HASTE-MAKERS burst into flame and "Dobereiner's lamp" was therefore the first cigarette lighter. Unfortunately, impurities in the hydrogen gas quickly "poisoned" the expensive bit of platinum and rendered it useless. In 18 31 , an English chemist, Peregrine Phillips, reasoned that if platinum could bring about the combination of hydrogen and of alcohol with oxygen, why should it not do the same for sulfur dioxide? Phillips found it would and patented the process. It was not for years afterward, however, that methods were discovered for delaying the poisoning of the metal and it was only after that that a platinum catalyst could be profit­ ably used in sulfuric acid manufacture to replace Ward's saltpeter. In 1836, such phenomena were brought to the attention of the Swed­ ish chemist, Jons Jakob Berzelius who, during the first half of the 19th Century, was the uncrowned king of chemistry. It was he who suggested the words "catalyst" and "catalysis" from Greek words meaning "to break down" or "to decompose." Berzelius had in mind such examples of cata­ lytic action as the decomposition of the large starch molecule into smaller sugar molecules by the action of acid. But platinum introduced a new glamor to the concept of catalysis. For one thing, it was a rare and precious metal. For another thing, it en­ abled people to begin suspecting magic again. Can platinum be expected to behave as a middleman as saltpeter does? At first blush, the answer to that would seem to be in the negative. Of all substances, platinum is one of the most inert. It doesn't combine with oxygen or hydrogen under any normal circumstances. How, then, can it cause the two to combine? If our metaphorical catalyst is a bricklayer, then platinum can only be a bricklayer tightly bound in a strait-jacket. Well, then, are we reduced to magic? To molecular psi? Chemists searched for something more prosaic. The suspicion grew during the 19th Century that the inertness of platinum is, in one sense at least, an illusion. In the body of the metal, platinum atoms are at­ tached to each other in all directions and are satisfied to remain so. In bulk, then, platinum will not react with oxygen or hydrogen (or most other chemicals, either). On the surface of the platinum, however, atoms on the metal bound­ ary and immediately adjacent to the air have no other platinum atoms, in the air-direction at least, to attach themselves to. Instead, then, they attach themselves to whatever atoms or molecules they find handy; oxy­ gen atoms, for instance. This forms a thin film over the surface; a film one molecule thick. It is completely invisible, of course and all we see is a smooth, shiny platinum surface, which seems completely inert. 98 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION As parts of a surface film, oxygen and hydrogen react more readily than they do when making up bulk gas. Suppose, then, that when a water molecule is formed by the combination of hydrogen and oxygen on the platinum surface, it is held more weakly than an oxygen molecule would be. The moment an oxygen molecule struck that portion of the surface it would replace the water molecule in the film. Now there would be the chance for the formation of another water molecule and so on. The platinum does act as a middleman after all, through its forma­ tion of the monomolecular gaseous film. Furthermore, it is also easy to see how a platinum catalyst can be poisoned. Suppose there are molecules to which the platinum atoms will cling to even more tightly than to oxygen. Such molecules will replace oxygen wherever it is found on the film and will not themselves be re­ placed by any gas in the atmosphere. They are on the platinum surface to stay and any catalytic action involving hydrogen or oxygen is killed. Since it takes very little substance to form a layer merely one molecule thick over any reasonable stretch of surface, a catalyst can be quickly poisoned by impurities that are present in the working mixture of gases, even when those impurities are present only in trace amounts. If this is all so, then anything which increases the amount of surface in a given weight of metal, will also increase the catalytic efficiency. Thus, powdered platinum, with a great deal of surface, is a much more effective catalytic agent than the same weight of bulk platinum. It is perfectly fair, therefore, to speak of "surface catalysis."

But what is there about a surface film that hastens the process of, let us say, hydrogen-oxygen combination? We still want to remove the suspi­ cion of magic. To do so, it helps to recognize what catalysts can't do. For instance, in the 1870's, the American physicist, Josiah Willard Gibbs, painstakingly worked out the application of the laws of thermo­ dynamics (see ORDER! ORDER!, F & SF, February 1961) to chemical reactions. He showed that there is a quantity called "free energy" which always decreases in any chemical reaction that is spontaneous; that is, that proceeds without any input of energy. Thus, once hydrogen and oxygen start reacting, they keep on reacting for as long as neither gas is completely used up, and as a result of the reaction water is formed. We explain this by saying that the free energy of the water is less than the free energy of the hydrogen-oxygen mixture. The reaction of hydrogen and oxygen to form water is analogous to slid­ ing down an "energy slope." THE HASTE-MAKERS 99 But if that is so, why don't hydrogen and oxygen molecules combine with each other as soon as they are mixed? Why do they linger for in­ definite periods at the top of the energy slope after being mixed; andre­ act and slide downward only after being heated. Apparently, before hydrogen and oxygen molecules (each composed of a pair of atoms) can react, one or the other must be pulled apart into individual atoms. That requires an energy input. It represents an up­ ward energy slope, before the downward slope can be entered. It is an "energy hump" so to speak. The amount of energy that must be put into a reacting system to get it over that energy hump is called the "energy of activation", and the concept was first advanced in 18 8 9 by the Swed­ ish chemist, Svante August Arrhenius. When hydrogen and oxygen molecules are colliding at ordinary tem­ perature, only the tiniest fraction happen to possess enough energy of motion to break up on collision. That tiniest fraction, which does break up and does react, then liberates enough energy, as it slides down the energy slope to break up additional molecules. However, so little energy is produced at any one time that it is radiated away before it can do any good. The net result is that hydrogen and oxygen mixed at room tem­ perature do not react. If the temperature is raised, molecules move more rapidly and a larger proportion of them possess the necessary energy to break up on collision. (More, in other words, can slide over the energy hump.) More and more energy is released and there comes a particular temperature, when more energy is released than can be radiated away. The temperature is there­ for further raised, which produces more energetic collisions, which raises the temperature still further-and hydrogen and oxygen proceed to react with an explosion. In 1894, the Russian chemist, Wilhelm Ostwald, pointed out that a catalyst could not alter the free energy relationships. It cannot really make a reaction go, that would not go without it. It can make a reaction go rapidly that in its absence would proceed with imperceptible speed. In other words, hydrogen and oxygen combine in the absence of plati­ num but at an imperceptible rate, and the platinum haste-maker accel­ erates that combination. For water to decompose to hydrogen and oxygen at room temperature (without the input of energy in the form of an elec­ tric current, for instance) is impossible, for that would mean spontane­ ously moving up an energy slope. Neither platinum nor any other catalyst could make a chemical reaction move up an energy slope. If we found one that did do so, then that would be magic."' ,. Or elw, we would have to modify the laws of thermodynamics. 100 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION But hmv does platinum hasten the reaction it does hasten? What does it do to the molecules in the film? Ostwald's suggestion (accepted ever since) is that catalysts hasten reactions by lowering the energy of activation of the reaction; flattening out the hump. At any given temperature, then, more molecules can cross over the hump and slide downward, and the rate of the reaction in­ creases, sometimes enormously. For instance, the two oxygen atoms in an oxygen molecule hold to­ gether with a certain, rather strong, attachment, and it is not easy to split them apart. Yet such splitting is necessary if a water molecule is to be formed. When an oxygen atom is attached to a platinum atom and forms part of a surface film, however, the situation changes. Some of the bond-form­ ing capabilities of the oxygen molecule are used up in forming the at­ tachment to the platinum, and less is available for holding the two oxy­ gen atoms together. The oxygen atom might be said to be "strained." If a hydrogen atom happens to strike such an oxygen atom, strained in the film, it is more likely to knock it apart into individual oxygen atoms (and react with one of them) than would be the case if it collided with an oxygen atom free in the body of a gas. The fact that the oxygen molecule is strained, means that it is easier to break apart, and that the energy of activation for the hydrogen/oxygen combination has been lowered. (The same argument holds if it is oxygen striking a strained hydrogen molecule.) Or we can try a metaphor again. Imagine a brick resting on the upper reaches of a cement incline. The brick should, ideally, slide down the incline. To do so, however, it must overcome frictional forces which hold it in place against the pull of gravity. The frictional forces are here analogous to the forces holding the oxygen molecule together. To overcome the frictional force one must give the brick an initial push (the energy of activation); and then it slides down. Now, however, we will try a little "surface catalysis." We will coat the slide with wax. If we place the brick on top of such an incline, the merest touch will start it moving downward. It may move downward without any help from us at all. In waxing the cement incline, we haven't increased the force of grav­ ity, or added energy to the system. We have merely decreased the fric­ tional forces (that is, the energy hump) and bricks can be delivered down such a waxed incline much more easily and much more rapidly than down an unwaxed incline. So you see that on inspection, the magical clouds of glory fade into THE HASTE-MAKERS 101 the light of common day, and the wonderful word '~atalyst" loses all its glamor. In fact, nothing is left to it but to serve as the foundation for virtually all of chemical industry and, as I hope to explain eventually, the foundation of all of life, too. And, come to think of it, that ought to be glory enough for any reason­ able catalyst.

R. BRETNOR'S "LITI'LE ANTON"-a hilarious account of the mysterious "Schimmelbom etfect," which renders the British battleship H. M. S. lm· pressive invisible! Coming next month in our October AII..Star Anniversary issue. Utterly different from the previous S. Dorman story (WINGED VICTORY F&SF, Nov. 1963) in everything but quality, is this one about a young girl living when the Age of Space has become a Fact of Life-and a rather ugly one, too.

THE DEEPEST BLUE IN THE WORLD

by S. Dorman

JT WAS A SMALL, BOWL-SHAPED bed, and hovering over it, the girl's vase of a deep blue. The feminine hands held the vase, moved it curves fitted between the palms of into a beam of sunshine to burn her hands as she carried it. She deeply blue, and then into shad­ wore old shoes, an old but neat ow. Finally, she put the vase down, skirt, a ragged blouse. All that she sat on the bed, and clasped her carried with her was the vase, be­ empty hands in her lap. tween her palms. The vase was "Girls," the Matron called to the perfectly empty. other two. "Here is Anna." "Here we are, darling," the Ma­ They turned to look at Anna, tron said to her, pushing the girl neither hostile nor friendly, nor into the long, high-roofed dormi­ yet neutral. Anna remained look­ tory. Bands of sunlight from the ing at her own hands, which tall windows in the old fashioned were slim with dark skin at the building slid across the child's knuckles and yellow callous on the shoulders,· illuminating her braids palms. with streaks of honey and auburn. "Girls," the Matron repeated, Two girls at the far end of the with a warning note. They got up room were seated together on one and came over, with bland, in­ bed, playing some game. The Ma­ curious faces. tron guided the new child to an "Hello, Anna," they said. unoccupied bed, covered with a At this moment, there was a worn but spotless chalk-white tremendous roar outside and the spread. There was a small wooden two girls, and Anna also, turned stand with two drawers beside the to look between the heavy frames 102 mE DEEPEST BLUE IN THE WOitLD 103 of the windows at the rocket that sured her. "''m almost ready to go. sprang up from the space field I'll be fifteen in another month. beyond a far wall. The sky was a Lope's your age." pure color like the flame from "Where are you going?" Anna burning alcohol, and the rocket asked. bored upward and disappeared The blonde girl smiled and at leaving behind it the tom air, the once her face matured into real stunned ears of the listeners, and beauty, cool and proud; a worn· three young faces broken open an's face. "To the marriage bench." with longing and loss. "Right away?" Anna gasped. "Yes, you can see them go up . "No, silly," Lupe said, sitting all the time, N the Matron said with down beside her. "Conny has to false cheerfulness. "I'll leave you go to the other school for a year to get acquainted. The others will first. Don't you know?" be in soon from the school." "I don't know anything," Anna When she had left the long admitted. room and closed the heavy door Conny shrugged. She went to behind her without a sound, Anna the window and leaned, one palm looked up at the other two. The against the shatterproof plastic faces had closed, all three of pane. Nothing was to be seen out them, but the standing girl who there but the walls of huge build· had slanted brown eyes in a small, ings, and above, the sky into sweet face, leaned down to the which their fathers had vanished. new girl, and asked, "Where?" In the distance there was sudden· "Mars," Anna said. "Last week ly the sound of younger voices. on Mars." ''The little ones will be in soon," Gangly and blonde, the other Lupe said. ''We're the oldest." girl was balanced on the edge of Conny had turned back, and beauty, but not ready to move into was looking curiously at the blue it completely. She turned her face vase. She moved one hand, as away. "My Daddy's still in orbit," though to touch it, and Anna she said. She was proud; the pride leaped from the bed crying some was like a knife edge in her voice word of defence and fear. "All which she couldn't discipline yet right," Conny said to her, "all as she did her features. right. I didn't mean anything." The brown-eyed girl said, "I'm Lupe pointed toward it. ''From Lupe. How old are you?'' Mars?" she asked. "Fourteen," Anna said, and Anna bent her head. "No," she looked at the empty blue vase. whispered. "No, he brought it "Then you won't be here more back for my mother from the than a year," the blonde one as- Plains." 104 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FicnON "She married again?" Conny talking and laughing together. asked. One was crying, her face dirty Anna's head bent further, the and wet, and the others jostled brown braids hanging forward her, pushed and pulled, swarmed over her shoulders. "No." like puppies in a pen. The Matron "She has to," Conny said, in a came in and sorted them out hard voice. briskly, sending the tearful child to Anna answered, "I know. But the infirmary, the others to a rest she hasn't." and quiet play time on their beds. Lupe said, "If she's under thir­ When she had them settled, she ty-five, she has to. Or she'll go to came to the older girls. "All friends, prison." now?" she asked happily. ''I'm "She went," Anna said. "She sure you are: Lupe, you'll help went this morning, when they Anna to find her way around to­ came for me." day, please. Conny, they want you "It isn't fair," Conny said, lift­ in the upstairs Office." ing Anna's face with orie hand and "Me?" she cried, bursting into looking angrily at her. "Our moth­ light. "Am I ready? Now?" ers had to marry again right "I don't know anything about it, away, why shouldn't she? The darling," the Matron said. "I don't wars eat up our men, we have to suppose you're ready yet, you make more men. What right has haven't had your birthday. But she got?" they want to see you." "She chose," Anna shouted, Without a backward look Con­ slapping Conny's arm away from ny walked rapidly down the room, her. "She had the right to choose." through the open doorway, and Again there came the tremen­ then they could hear her gallop­ dous and stunning explosion of ing up the stairs toward the Office. sound from the space field, and Lupe looked frightened. "They the three girls turned to the win­ won't take her yet?" she begged dows. In profound silence they the 1\latron. watched the warship rise into the "I don't -think so, darling." The fierce blue sky and disappear to­ Matron shook her head. She went ward battle. Lupe swallowed. Con­ out of the quiet room and when ny pushed her blonde hair back she closed the door the silence be­ from her cheek. Anna put her came deep and resonant, as though palms softly cupped on each side each child were holding her of the vase, and warmed it. breath. Those who had been play­ The heavy dormitory door ing put down their games. The swung open and a crowd of young­ ones who had been lying down to er children entered the room, rest, sat up. They waited intently THE DEEPEST BLUE IN THE WORLD 105 on their beds, in two rows; all ing. Never even blasted off. Right sizes, shapes, colors, from five to here, you can see from the win­ fifteen. Twenty girls stared out the dow." western windows where the low­ Anna closed he,r eyes. "How ering sun blazed through and al­ can you look?" she whispered. most blinded them. The ground, "I'm supposed to look, you building, windows, children, the know. Why do you think they put air, shook in the blast. The ship us right here? We're conditioned. leaped past their vision upward, I've been here four years, I'm used and disappeared. to looking. You will be, too. You Gradually, they went back to count fifteen men for every ship their play. Lupe was still sitting that goes up, one ship every half on Anna's bed, and when Anna hour between dawn and dusk, you finally sat down, too, Lupe touched count the sons your mother has, her arm with gentle fingers. "We'll and the sons you'll have after you be friends," she said. ''We're the go to the marriage bench a couple same age. Maybe we'll go in the of times. That's the conditioning." same group to the marriage bench." "You better go back to your Anna turned her face away to bed," Lupe said to the child. "I look at the dark blue vase. "Maybe," don't think you wanted to talk she said. about it, your first day here." A girl of ten, with a chunky "Oh, I don't even remember the body, came slowly over to them, first day, any more," the child and walking down the narrow said. She gave a backward glance space between Anna's bed and the at the vase. "It is a nice color," she next one, she thrust her head for­ said. "I think it's the deepest blue ward on a long neck and stared at in the world." After a pause, she the vase. "Hey," she said. "That's said, "I have four brothers. I'm go­ a nice color." ing to have four sons." "Yes," Anna agreed. "Go on, now," Lupe said, giving "Can I touch it?" her a gentle push. "No." The child lingered, looking The younger girl looked at An­ from the vase to Anna, and back na with an expression of mockery to the vase. The wooden stand had and sadness mixed. "Special, nothing on it but the vase, no toys huh?" she asked. or pictures, no war medals, like the "It's mine," Anna said. other stands. "Don't you have any­ The child asked, "Where?" thing?" the child asked in a shrill "Mars." voice. "No books or clothes or med­ "Mine got his right here. The als? Just the vase?'' ship blew up while they were fuel- "Just the vase," Anna said. 100 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION Turned instantly into a savage "Come on," Lupe said. ''You little creature, the child backed don't want to miss supper. 111 take away. "Then your mother's in pris· you downstairs with me, I'll show on," she shouted. "She wouldn't you." go to the marriage bench again, Anna shook her head. she's in prison, she chose to go, In a more business-like voice, you haven't got anything." an imitation of the Matron's brisk­ A rustling went around the ness, Lupe said, "Now come on. room as the other girls turned to You have to eat, you aren't allowed look, to listen, to appraise Anna. to miss meals unless you're sick. "Prison." "She chose," they hissed. You'll feel better, too." "Prison." "Anna hasn't got any· "No," Anna said, "I don't want thing." "Who let her keep the anything." vase?" Kindly, gently, Lupe coaxed Anna grabbed the vase, even in her, pulling at her arms, and her desperation taking care to handle wrists, which were crooked round it gently, and holding it between to hold the vase against her body. her small breasts she doubled up "Anna, please, come on, they've all protectively and hid from them. gone down to supper. There won't She was so bent over that she had be any more ships going up from. to breathe into the ,·ase, and with this field until morning, there's her eyes closed she breathed very nothing to watch until six o'clock. gently, filling up the empty dark Anna, please. We're the same age, blue space with her breath which we can be friends, I'll speak to the immediately overflowed the bowl­ Matron and we can go to the mar· shape and poured out again riage bench together." through the narrow neck. She Anna opened her eyes and sat could feel the round shape warm· up straight, her mouth hard, and ing with her hands but was too white at the corners. "I choose," frightened to move, and remained she said distinctly. "I choose pris­ bent over, breathing endlessly into on." She raised her voice and the dark opening and feeling her shouted it. "I choose prison. I own breath rise up and flow back won't go to the marriage bench, I over her face. won't have any sons, I won't A gong suddenly began to vi­ watch the ships go up, I choose brate through the long room and prison underground for the rest of the children got off the beds as the my life like my mother." Matron opened the door. "It's sup­ Lupe had been sliding gradu­ per time," Lupe said to Anna. ally away from her in revulsion, Anna raised her head, and sat trembling, frightened. She walked back on her heels. backward several steps, unable to THE. DEEPEST BLUE. lN THE. WORLD 107 take her eyes off Anna, off the know you can't make such a choice vase that Anna held against her· until you have been to the mar· self, almost colorless in the deep­ riage bench?" ened gloom. Anna's lips moved but she The Matron came in quickly couldn't make the words into through the still open door and a sound. The lights automatically said, "Girls, you're late for sup­ came on, in a row overhead, and per-" she broke off. "What is it?" Anna and the Matron both "I choose prison," Anna said, blinked to accustom their eyes to quietly putting the vase down on the change. "Not now?" Anna the wooden stand and turning her asked at last. "I can't even choose? back on it. I don't have any choice?" "My God," the Matron said. "No. Not until you've been "Oh child, you ·don't know what once to the marriage bench. It's a you're talking about." good thing, really. The law p~ "Yes I do. Underground, work· tects you. You'll find out it's a good ing fourteen hours a day, and I thing, later on." can never come up again, but Anna rushed away from her, that's what I choose. I'll go now." bumping into a bed, and ran down "You can't go now," the Matron the air.le between the rows of nar· said. Completely flustered, she row white cots. She ran through kept making pushing motions with the hall, down the broad stair· her hands, and then pulling rna. ways, one flight, two flights, past tions, as if to draw Anna toward the noisy dining hall, past the her. "Silly child, you don't know nursery, past the barred gates of what you're talking about," she ap­ the infirmary, down another flight proached Anna as she spoke. to the great entrance lobby, to the "Poor child," she said. Then she main doors. Anna pounded turned, and said, "Lupe, go right against them in her panic, and, down to the dining hall, please." finding them secure, she crum­ Lupe went away. The Matron pled down on the floor. walked to Anna, still making the Behind her, the elevator doors disturbed motions with her hands. opened and the Matron stepped "Anna, you can't choose now." out and came to her. She bent over "I have a right to choose," Anna with a little grunt, and lifted An­ said between her teeth. na to her feet. "Silly child," she "Indeed you don't, silly girl," said, "we don't get many like you." the Matron said. "And when you The girl's body was almost limp in may choose, you certainly won't her arms. want that, you don't know what "Up we go,'' Matron said, sup­ you're talking about. Don't you porting her in the elevator. The 108 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION doors closed soundlessly and they bottle. "Two," she said cheerfully. began to rise up the long shaft. "Just swallow them down, and "We'll get you to bed, and you'll you'll forget your worries." have a good sleep. You don't know Anna swallowed them, with a what you're talking about, to want little water. "Now you'll get a good to go down into the factories and sleep," the Matron said, pulling up foundries, and perhaps even to the small pillow and giving it a one of the fueling stations, for the punch or two to soften it. "The rest of your life. You'll grow up first day here is not easy for every­ and go to the marriage bench like one," the Matron said. "But I know all the good girls. It's what a nice you want to be a good girl." girl wants to do." When she had gone, Anna lay She firmly trundled Anna down down, her head turned to one side, the aisle between the white beds. and stared at the vase. It was a When Anna sat down, unresist­ deep blue, and seemed to be filled ing, the Matron went for a cup of with an endless deep space, but it water, and coming back witlt it was perfectly empty. Anna closed she took out of her pocket a pill her eyes.

We are pleased and proud to announce that ''The Best From Fantasy and Science Fiction" 9th Series, 1Oth Series, and 11th Series are beiniJ transcribed into Braille by the Library of Congress, Division for the Blind. In addition, "A Decade of Fantasy and Science Fiction," the anthology published on our tenth anniversary, is being put on discs by the Library of Congress. One of the happier events of thll ptJ8t year'1 editing has been The Return of Willard Marsh. It was aU a mistake about his having been pushed over Niagara FaUs that time, but he took advantage of the situation to visit Mecca and drop in on the Dalai Lama (he still hasn't explained what the Dalai Lama was doing in Mecca, but this may be a story for which the world is not ready) and one or two other things. Anyway, back he is, and has provided us­ including you-with several tip-top tales, of which this is one. Thil story of amorous Vic Wexler, conniving Priscilla Pendleton, avail­ able Linda Bates, the incomparable Matsu, and a curious oriental obfect is not a very moral story, we're afraid. But it's a very enter· taining one .

..!Jnconceivat/'1 '!/oui':J

l, UhllarJ mar~~

WHEN VIC WANDERED IN, YAWN­ fork (he claimed the mixer aerated ing, to sit at the kitchen counter, them too much), Matsu said, Matsu poured him coffee with a "Missy Bates stop alongside this grin. pad for chow tonight?" "Heavy night?" "That's right. Give us about an Vic shook his head. "Had some hour's worth of martinis, then dish worries on my mind. Business it up at eight." He'd almost forgot­ worries," he lied, to give his in­ ten that tonight was scheduled as somnia some respectability. Campaign Night with Linda Bates. "How do you want your eggs?" The eggs hissed into the skillet "Oh, I don't know. How you and Matsu's features brooded having yours?" above them with the concern of "I already had them,'' Matsu Buddha watching a falling spar­ said. "Shirred." row. A Nisei Buddha with a well­ "Then scrambled, I guess. Just trained waistline and a crew cut. a couple, I haven't got much ap­ "Missy Bates stay for bleak­ petite." fast?" he asked. Deftly beating the eggs with a Vic sipped at his coffee and un- 100 110 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION folded the Chronicle. "Good cof­ sacrifice, since the doctor's office fee," he said. "Nice and nesh. Just was in walking distance of Grant like the conversation." Avenue. Finding an improbable "I was only thinking of Miss parking space on the cobbled slope Bates's providing you with some of Sacramento Street, Vic hiked diversion from your business wor­ down the spicy, jostling thorough­ ries." Matsu's voice was rich with fares where freshly-butchered injury. ducks and timeless vases, violence "Miss Bates is the least of my and serenity, composed themselves worries at the moment. By the for the tourist's camera. The first way, can you make that Chow grocery shop he passed (or was it a Mein thing of yours for tonight?" drug store?) had water chestnuts, "Thing? That Chow Mein thing and a little farther on he found of mine? I can make Chow Mein some snails. He'd forgotten the Matsumuri, if that is the delicacy name of Matsu's snail factory, but to which you are alluding." Matsu these at hand seemed oozing with set the eggs down sullenly. "You'll vitality, and he didn't ask if they have to pick up some water chest­ were fresh. He probably would nuts for me." have got a sample urged on him. "Pick them up yourself." The doctor's receptionist re­ "Can't. I got a Chaucer exam." membered him from yesterday. "Oh hell, use canned ones." "He's with a patient now, Mr. "I quit." Wexler," she told him. "He won't "All right! I'll go all the way to be free for at least a half hour." Chinatown and get your god­ "'That long?" Uncertainly, Vic damned water chestnuts." hefted the cardboard container. "And a pound of snails." "Do you have a refrigerator? I "Now listen, there's a limit to don't know if these'll keep." " "What are they?" "For me, not for you. Though "Oh, just a few snails." they're excellent for virility," Mat­ "I see," she said. su added. "Ask for them in Wang "They're fresh snails," he ex­ Sai Gai's. And be sure they give plained. you fresh ones." He glanced at his "I see," she said. watch. "Got to split now, I'm late "So if you could put them some­ for my car pool." And grabbing up place cool, they'd probably be safe a book bag, he dashed for the ele­ enough. I mean, I'm . pretty sure vator. they can't get out." Without a word, she took the Actually, the Chinatown detour container from him and disap­ was more of a nuisance than a peared. After awhile she returned INCONCEIVABLY YOURS 111 and said, "It seems that the doctor brightening. "However, Mrs. Wex­ can see you immediately, Mr. ler, your wife, seems quite healthy, Wexler." and while there is a possibility, He was waiting warily behind there isn't a probability, because his desk when Vic entered. When nature has arranged it so that he said nothing, Vic blurted, once conceived, babies have a "Have you got the frog test back strong probability of being born. on my fian-my wife, I mean?" That's how we all got here, you He laughed weakly. "We've been see." married such a short time I still In desperation, Vic asked, "Do think of her as my fiancee." you think it could just be a hys· "Yes, it came back from the terical pregnancy?" lab," the doctor said. "Not unless it was a hysterical Vic waited nervously. "Well, conception. Are there any other what's the verdict?" questions?" "Congratulations." Numbed, Vic shook his head. "In what way? Oh, I see what The doctor stepped out of his of· you mean." Vic underwent a sink· fice a moment, returned to hand ing sensation. "You're pretty sure?" him the snails. The doctor nodded. "Tell me, Mr. Wexler," he said, "How far along is she, you fig­ "has Mrs. Wexler, your wife, de­ ure?" veloped any unusual cravings in "Well, from what Mrs. Wexler, the way of food lately?" your wife, told me," the doctor When Vic got back to the car, said, "I'd estimate that you have he discovered something caught about a seven-month wait." beneath his left front tire. It Vic wet his lips. "No chance, I looked like a miniature ferryboat suppose, of arranging a therapeu­ paddle wheel, with minutely tic, uh, a therapeutic.:_" He carved slats, balanced so that it stopped at the expression on the turned with the slightest breath or doctor's face. "No, I don't suppose motion. He dropped it in his pocket there would be." and gave the tire a vicious kick. "No, that wouldn't be the ther­ apy indicated in this case," the Porthole Pcnvercraft: A New doctor said. Vista On Leisure was the way the "What I guess I meant was, is ads plugged the boats for which there any possibility of, uh, mis· Vic had the Sausalito franchise. carriage?" But the immediate porthole that "Yes, there's a possibility of he found his head thrust through miscarriage,'' the doctor said was beginning to resemble a noose, thoughtfully, and Vic began and the vistas it gave him were so 112 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION macabre that by early afternoon he "Why, these are practically all decided to call it a day and go bull snails. It's the cows that have home to open a few veins, or at that nice fat back meat," Matsu least a few bottles. The phone was told him condescendingly. "Oh ringing as he fished Matsu's snails well, maybe I can stuff them." from his bar refrigerator, and he "Do that," Vic suggested. let it ring. Matsu grinned. "Get the water But the drive back over Golden chestnuts?" Gate Bridge, extending like a me­ Vic reached in his coat pocket, dian line between all the sky and pulled out the little paddle wheel water in the world, so worked its in surprise. "Wrong pocket." He old relaxation that by the time he tossed the wheel down on the let himself in the door of his apart­ counter, found the bag of water ment his bitterness had softened chestnuts and tossed them beside into mere depression. From his it. "Here, I hope they're the right third-Boor window he could see sex." Yacht Harbor, whose riding lights But Matsu was turning the on foggy evenings operated like an wheel over in his hands in fasci­ aphrodisiac on certain women. He nation. "How'd you come by this?" sank back in the resilient couch "Picked it up on the street. Any from which, on successful Cam­ idea what it is?" paign Nights, a dozen steps led to "It's a prayer wheel. At least I the master bedroom. And it was think it is. See this writing?" Mat­ his last campaign, with petite Pris­ su pointed to the tiny slats, and cilla Pendleton, which had been for the first time Vic noted the cal­ his Waterloo. Unless natural laws ligraphy inscribed on them. repealed themselves, he looked 'What's it say?" booked for pipe and slippers, the "Sorry. My vocabulary is lim­ uniform of the old campaigners ited to Japanese, Middle English, home. and standard jive. But that's the Matsu came in whistling, strode prayer, whatever it is," Matsu said. through to dump his books in the "Each time the wheel turns, it says kitchen. "You pick up on my your prayer for you. You can hang snails?" it in the wind or in running water, "They're in the vegetable crisp­ go on home and get the yak butter er." Vic went in to watch him ex­ in, and all the time you're being amine them. prayed for. Pretty efficient, no?" "Oh boy, they knew they had a Just then the phone rang, and live one when they saw you com­ Matsu took it. ing." "You in to Missy Pendleton?" he "What's wrong with them?" called. INCONCEIVABLY YOURS 113 "I'll have to be, sooner or later." Vic nodded ia final, bitter Vic crossed to the phone. "Yes, awareness of how his shy fiancee Pris." had so neatly cold-decked him. "Victor, where have you been?" "You just happened to forget," she demanded. "I've been ringing he said. She had no remote idea, of and ringing, everywhere I could course, of the rebound effect of a think of, and either the phone's missed pill that zooms the chances been deliberately unanswered or of fertility. people claim they haven't seen you." "Are you insinuating that I did "But I was-" it deliberately?" Vic's future help­ "Never mind your explanations mate's voice rose a familiar, ugly now. Dr. Hyde told me you octave. stopped by his office to hear the He sighed a doomed sigh. "No, result of the test. What do you dear, that was the furthest thing proposed to do about it?" from my mind. Well, I suppose Her ominous tone drove Vic we'll have to set the date. How into a panic of ingenuity. long will it take you and your "The test? Oh, yes, well, it was mother to pick out a trousseau?" inconclusive," he stammered, "be· 'We'll need at least a week, if cause, uh, the frog was suffering we've going to be at all presenta· from a respiratory ailment. It ble." seems the lab assistant left the "Does your mother need a trous­ thermostat off overnight. There's a seau too? Never mind, I'll check new frog due in any day by air ex­ with you tomorrow. So long." He press, so I guess we'll have to wait hung up, then began dialing a until-" new number. "Matsui" he called. "Until I'm bulging from your "Bring me a pitcher of martinis." lack of any decency or restraint? Matsu's head appeared in the I know what condition I'm in, Vic­ doorway. "This early?" · tor Wexler," she said grimly, "and "This early," Vic agreed, then so does Dr. Hyde. I'm still waiting into the phone: "Can you get me for your answer." Miss Bates, please? ... Linda, For the twenty-seventh time this is Vic. Listen, fudge loaf, it's Vic asked the question, this time like gulping ground glass, but we'll aloud. "I still can't see how it hap­ have to call it off for tonight. I've pened." undergone a personal tragedy. There was a silence. 'Well, if . . . No, I can't talk about it. It's you must know," the voice at the too gruesome. . . . Thanks, Lin­ other end of the phone admitted da, I'll check with you later." stiffiy, "I happened to forget to Then he slumped at the table take my pill one time." until Matsu brought the pitcher in. 114 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FicnOK "Miss Bates no stop alongside In a stupor, Vic threw on a robe tonight?" and padded after him. The base of "No. No Chow Mein. No chow, the blender was squatting on the period. Anything would gag me." counter, humming away at all Vic took a massive, melancholy those r.p.m., with the little wheel sip of his martini. Its warmth be­ attached to its rotor. gan to reach him immediately. "May we turn it off now?" AWeJI, maybe something light, to Matsu asked. "That is, if you think keep up my strength. We got any­ it's had time to do its work." thing around like canned ta­ Vic nodded sheepishly, begin­ males?" ning to remember parts of last "I quit." night. "All right! Roast a bison if you "Before we do," Matsu said pa­ like! And bring me that damned tiently, "observe the direction that wheel," Vic added. He tossed it's turning in." Then he snapped down the martini and poured an­ off the blender. other while they were still chilled. There was sudden silence in Matsu set the little wheel beside the kitchen, and the smell of burnt him. machine oil. Sometime after his fifth mar­ "Clockwise," Vic said. "What's tini, Vic discovered that the wheel wrong with clockwise?" turned rather briskly if he skew­ "Nothing-in the Occident. ered it with his pencil and kept a That's the direction in which the steady breath against it. western world runs. But you may have heard that things are the re­ A convocation of little men had verse in the Orient," Matsu con­ been having at him enthusiastical­ tinued blandly. "Consider the ly, using sawed-off lengths of pipe. anatomy of oriental women, for After awhile even they got tired of example. And then newspapers the shellacking and went away, are read backwards, meals often and Vic woke. Matsu was holding begin with desserts, and so on. I a tray containing aspirin, vita­ suspect that prayer wheels are mins, and black coffee. He set the meant to operate counterclock­ tray on the bed-table with merciful wise." soundlessness. · Propping himself "I didn't think of that," Vic mur­ up, Vic began washing down tab­ mured. lets and capsules. When he fin­ "Do you- realize the conse­ ished, Matsu said: quences of running a prayer wheel "Come into the kitchen, if you backwards?" can navigate, and see what the Vic could only shake his head. elves left us." 'Why, you'd get an anti-prayer, INCONCEIVABLY YOmtS 115 wouldn't you? A sort of oriental "It's merely this. If you or your Black Mass. In other words," Mat­ wives ever require the services of su told him cheerfully, "what a physician in the future, will you you've had working all night long please keep the hell away from for you is a curse. By the way, Dr. me?'' Hyde wants you to call him." Vic walked back to the kitchen Oh no, Vic moaned to himself, completely independent of the law that means it's quints for sure. At of gravity. Matsu took one look at least. his face and said, Then he reminded himself that "How about a raise?" Matsu was probably indulging in Vic nodded. his favorite pastime, Putting The "Thanks, boss!" Boss On-and besides, prayer Vic kept on nodding, and after wheels were inoperative in the awhile he said dreamily, "Matsu, present century. But such blithe what do people in the orient usu­ logic failed to still his hands as he ally wish for more than anything dialed the doctor's office. else?" "Ah yes, Mr. Wexler," came the "Descendants, I imagine." familiar, urbane tones, "do you "So the ideal curse would be know what time Mrs. Wexler, your • • • ?" wife, called me this morning from "Nothing simpler," Matsu her residence? And do you know grinned. "Curser wishes no off­ what I found when I got there?" spring on the cursee." Vic shook his head. "I found a perfectly normal They had adjourned to the young lady who, at the moment, couch for their coffee and brandy, is no closer to pregnancy than I and after Matsu had cleared the am." dishes and, in tum, adjourned to ''You don't mean-she bad a his own room, Linda Bates said, miscarriage, then?" "I don't know when I've had more "If she did, there's no evidence heavenly Chow Mein." of it. Whatever she was carrying "He's not a bad cook with a lit­ simply disappeared. Now, I've put tle coaching," Vic said compla­ Mrs. Wexler, your wife, under se­ cently. "I laid out the basics for dation. Along with her mother. him, and he took it from there." And I'm about to do the same to "How long have you had him?" myself, hoping that when I wake "Much too long, Linda," Vic I'll have recovered my sanity. But said gravely. '1lead a comfortable right now, may I trouble you with life here, but it has no future. I a trifting request?" need to settle down, with someone "Sure," Vic said dizzily. who understands me." He reached 116 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION for her, but she slipped free of his kissed his cheek. "But if you only arms with a smile. knew the kind of men that I've "I understand you perfectly, been seeing lately. All with just darling, and I understand the fu­ one thing on their minds." ture you have in mind for me," she "We'll see that you get steady said. "But I can tell you now, you attention from a more imaginative haven't got a prayer." variety," Vic told her, as he drew Vic got up, went into the kitch­ her to him, listening to the distant en and put the blender on. When little wheel which, with all its he returned to the couch, there clockwise fury, wished him most was a contrite expression on Lin­ earnestly to have the kind of union da's flawless features. that would make no contribution · ''That was terribly abrupt of whatsoever to the population ex­ me, wasn't it? I'm sorry, Vic." She plosion.

PACIFICON II, THE 1964 WORLD SCIENCE FICTION CONVENTION

Pacificon II, the 22nd World Science Fiction Convention, will be held September 4-5-6-7 at the Hotel leamington in Oakland, California. Membership is $1.00 for overseas fans; $2.00, plus $1.00 if you aHend for all others. Make checks payable to Bill Donaho, Treas., Pacificon II, P.O. Box 261, Fairmont Sta., El Cerrito, California. Toastmaster will be Anthony Boucher and guests of honor are Edmond Hamilton and leigh BrackeH.*

*F&SF is pleased to report that both Edmond Hamilton and Leigh Brac­ lcett will be featured in next month's October ALL-STAR ANNIVERSARY ISSUE. Mr. Hamilton gives us THE PRO, a poignant and utterly believable story which links the Science Fiction past with its already-beginning-to­ be-realized present. Leigh Brackett's PURPLE PRIESTESS OF THE MAD MOON is a fascinating story with a fascinating background. You'll find both stories in F&SF's 15th Anniversary ALL-STAR issue, on sale Septem­ ber 1. Not everyone, of course, enjoys every party he and,jor she feel! socially obliged to attend, and George and lovely, lovely, lovey Vicki had perhaps better reasons than most for not enjoying Had­ ley's. Aa for Isoora-well, like Sisera, "the stars in their courses fought against him.'" Here is a new twist on an old theme; we think you'll agree with us that it's a quite successful one, too.

THE STAR PARTY

by Robert Lory

I FEEL BAD ABOUT THE KILL· I nodded agreement, just as I ing, especially since it wouldn't had nodded agreement with ev· have happened if I'd listened to erything else she had said. I Vicki. We should stay away from pointed out in rebuttal that to get Hadley's party, she said. She had established on the Avenue such reasons-none of them the right things were necessary-the par· one, but she had reasons. ties, the mashers and Hadley's bad "These things are always such breath. I didn't say anything about bores," she complained as she put Isvara. Though Vicki didn't know up her long blonde hair. him, lsvara was why we were "I can't stand your Madison showing at this particular party. Avenue beetle-brains playing their The door opened and sounds of character roles," was her reason as loud good fellowship Hooded the I started the car. hallway. A fat and drooling Had· ''They're all a bunch of mash· ley blocked the view of the goings· ers," she said as we entered the eJe. on inside. valor in Hadley's building. "George, old man! And lovely, "And Hadley's a lush," she lovely, lauey Vicki!" We stepped snapped when the elevator arrived in and Hadley stumbled his way at the ninth Boor. to the closet, dropping Vicki's I was pressing Hadley's buzzer coat before making it. He was when Vicki sounded her last, loaded already. pouting argument. "His breath is "My, and how beautiful you repulsive too." certainly do look," he said, return· 117 118 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION ing to Vicki's side. The slob was I was preparing a flip answer right, of course. He had one lone when an ugly copywriter named talent, but it was enough to make Pitcorn grabbed my arm and him a high-salaried art director. shoved a potato chip into my face. He could judge beauty. And Vicki "Try one, George? The dip is ex­ -tall, blonde and shapely in her cellent. Marcia made it." silver gown-was female beauty The dip he referred to was a vile itself tonight. · shade of cream. I swallowed hard "Hey kids, look who's here­ and managed a smile. "No thanks, it's Georgie Bond. Ho there, won­ Pit. Diet, you know," I told him der boy!" These words bubbled and gave his back a hearty thump. forth from the most loud-mouthed It was as hearty as I could make account executive in New York. it. Pitcorn coughed up at least How Breem ever got along with cli­ three potato chips. ents was beyond my understand­ My sadistic joy was interrupted ing. He did have a way with by a tug on the sleeve from Vicki. words, though-so I grimaced, When we were out of Pitcorn's waiting for the sequel to the "won­ hearing, she said, "I'm. glad you der boy" he'd just tagged me with. did that. I think he had designs It came, with a sickening guf­ on me." faw: "Yes sir, we all wonder, boy, "Never fear," I said. "You'd be how you ever got yourself a woman the death of him and he knows it. like that. Haw ha ha." Let's get something to drink." We haw-ha-ha'cd our wav As we headed for the mahogany through Hadley's living room and bar in Hadley's large living room, dining room, receiving greetings my eyes wandered across the gig­ ranging from half-hearted smiles to gling and frothing faces that were stinging slaps on the back. Ev­ jabbering, singing and leering ery woman in the place seemed round us. The party had reached bent on seeing how close to me the stage where men's jackets were they could thrust their breasts. off, ties were loose, and the wom­ I don't know what most men en's gowns were showing effects of think, but it's my opinion that that unmentionable subject, per­ breasts are great-in their place. spiration. Which is not trussed up so far My mind took all this in mat­ that they look like deformed shoul­ ter-of-factly while I tried to spot ders. The whole human race dis­ the person whose presence at this gusts me sometimes. Vicki gets dis­ orgy was the only reason for mine. gusted too, especially at parties. 'Who is it?" Vicki said as I "Enjoying yourself?" she asked poured her a martini. "The one sourly. you're looking for-who is it?" THE STAll PAllTY 119 I smiled. It was a smile of crystal bailer, or does he use tea pride. How superior Vicki was to leaves?" she asked sourly. the clownish creatures here. What "Neither. Stars-a kind of as­ other woman in the place could trology. Pitcom told me about it. know, instinctively, exactly what Isvara watches somebody's actions her man was thinking? 'Who?" she closely and from these he deter­ repeated. mines the person's ruling planet or "Him," I said, relieved that I'd the stars that influenced his birth. found the tall, lean man who was The rest of his deductions are sup­ now coming through the frosted posed to follow logically." glass door separating the room "And you believe it?" from a balcony outside. "The one "Pitcom does. lsvara told him in the turban. Name is Isvara." that his big problem in life was "Interesting name. Is it really never adjusting to his step-moth­ his?" er's death, and that if he ever mar­ Someone who has studied deep­ ries it better be to an elderly libra­ ly in man's religious beliefs would rian." recognize-as Vicki did-Isvara Vicki laughed at the image of as one of the titles of the Hindu's Pitcom's future bride, but her face boss god. Whether our lsvara was abruptly became serious. "Did you born with that name or had substi­ see that? He was looking in our di­ tuted it for Ali Baba or Sam rection. At me." O'Rourke I didn't know, and I A heavy clap on the shoulder told Vicki that. stopped whatever comment I We watched as a plump red­ might have made. "Have fun, head I didn't recognize offered Is­ Georgie-hey!" Hadley roared and vara a drink of some kind. He lunged for Vicki. She side-stepped declined with the slightest nod of his poised-for-pinch talons and his head and, leaving the redhead our host staggered off to the divan staring in indignation, he squat­ where he flopped into the lap of a ted on the backs of his heels in an blue-haired matron who had been isolated corner of the room. wildly defending her personal "He plays the mystic very well," theory of great literature. Vicki observed. "Where did Had­ "I think I'm afraid of that man," ley latch onto him?" Vicki said. "The agency. lsvara is posing "He's harmless. Just fancies for some cigaret ads. He's also himself a great lover, that's all." probably here to entertain us to­ "I'm not talking about Hadley. night. He reads people's charac­ Him." She was looking at lsvara. ters." "He makes me feel creepy. I'm cer­ Vicki sipped her martini. • A tain he's been watching me." 120 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION "Sure," I said, mocking her an­ Yet, there was Isvara, now xious tone. "He's probably quite standing in a corner of the room. smitten with you. After all, he has Maybe he . . • . I decided to a great affinity toward stars, and to put him to the test. any discerning man you're the star He answered my hello with, of this party." ''Your wife is a most charming per­ Vicki murmured something son." about not liking it just the same, I agreed, thinking that I could when I realized to my horror that discuss my wife's attributes with my glass was empy. I learned at anybody at any time and that right my first agency party that the only now I wanted to talk astrology with way to get through them with your somebody who claimed to know sanity intact was to get completely something about it. smashed. "'Nuther?" I asked "Most charming," he repeated, Vicki. ''but odd." She said no, so I had to wade My conscious mind swam alone through the weaving bodies through the gin and vermouth and that danced-if vou could call it snapped to attention. "Odd?" that-to the rhythms of some bad Yes, he said. "You know of my jazz. abilities, Mr.-?" At the bar I traded my regula­ "Bond-George Bond." tion-size martini glass for an eight­ "Mr. Bond-you have heard, I ounce water tumbler. Gin and think, of my ability to analyse peo­ vermouth tumbled around the ice ple's characters from their actions. and had reached the top of the You have, have you not, been wait­ glass when I noticed that an agency ing all evening for an opportunity artist named Goddard had cor­ to discuss this subject with me?" nered Vicki near a potted palm. "The deduction was not hard, Goddard the Dullard, I called Mr. Bond-based on mere surface •him. A dunce. \\'lwncver I reflect­ observations. It's your wife I've ed that the reason for my wanting been concentrating on, as she has to work in advertising was to be told you already." near people like Goddard, Pitcorn Vicki was right, then. He had and the rest, I had to question my been watching her. "I'll be inter­ intelligence. Intelligence was at ested in your analysis," I said. the heart of the matter. Artists and Isvara shook his head. "There is writers-creative men-I figured no analysis. Your wife is ... un­ would be more intelligent than oth­ fathomable, and I do not say that er men, would be closer to under­ lightly. Because, Mr. Bond, when standing the meaning of life. I my talents cannot take me inside was wrong. a person's very soul, that person THE STAll PAJlTY 121 is-unfathomable. Do you under­ by experience-they all point to stand?" that sign ruled by Saturn. But she "No, I don't," I admitted. lacks the dignity and reservation "I do." The voice was Vicki's. found in Capricorns. She smiles She evidently had managed to too eagerly, and even an amateur brush Goddard aside. "I under­ psychologist can spot a • • • a stand perfectly. Mr.-Isvara?­ phony smile. Notice, Mr. Bond, Mr. Isvara is telling you, George, that she is not smiling now." that when his infallible system He couldn't have been more fails, it cannot be that the failure correct there. Vicki's face was plac­ lies with his system or with him­ id, but inside she was a volcano self. The fault, obviously, must lie about two seconds before eruption with the subject." Vicki winked at time. I was her husband and I me and smiled. "In other words, could tell. And so could Isvara. I'm a very naughty girl." She had followed my thoughts, I If I was the sort who blushes knew. I'll handle this, her eyes easily, I would have then. Isvara said. She began to try. -the one person in the place I "Mr. Isvara, perhaps you have was beginning to have some re­ me dead to rights. Maybe I do put spect for-and Vicki acting her on some kind of front to be socia­ nastiest. I started to apologize, but ble at these gatherings which I I was cut off short. cannot stand. So what? Many peo­ "Mrs. Bond is quite right, even ple put on the same kind of front. though she spoke in jest. The You say I'm a Capricorn, under the fault does indeed lie with her." He influence of-Saturn, was it? said it calmly, like a teacher ex­ Well, why not let it go at that?" plaining to a grade school class Isvara smiled. It wasn't a pleas­ that hydrogen and oxygen combine ant smile. "Because you defy analy­ to make water. I laughed. It served sis under Saturn's sign. You dress Vicki right. I would have laughed like a Taurus, behave publicly like more, but Isvara continued. an Aries, and think like a Libra. "It's true. Whether or not you While I have nothing but con­ realize it, Mr. Bond, your wife is tempt for popular astrology, any trying very hard to be something practitioner will tell you that both she's not. She's putting on a very Aries and Libra are incompatible special act." with Capricorn." "Act?" I stared at Vicki. 'Which means?" Vicki said ic­ "Act," he said. "A variety of ily. characteristics tell me she is a Cap­ "Which means that either you ricorn. Her charm, her typ of sen­ have a multiple-personality neuro­ sual attraction, certain marks left sis-which you do not-or you 122 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION are consciously living t. very large When I looked across the room to lie." where I'd left Vicki and Isvara, "I beg your pardon(" I said, my pulse quickened. making an effort to sound gruff. They were gone. The effort failed miserably, but I "Hey, where you going?" Pit­ had to try. com asked as I brushed by him in "That was not meant as an in­ panic. In the kitchen and dining sult, Mr. Bond." Isvara now was room, several low-cut gowns looking square into my eyes. "What winked at me, but no Vicki. Back I say is fact. The stars are fact. in the living room, I spotted her. Their positions, although capable She was closing the frosted glass of a variety of influences, are none­ door to the balcony. theless fact. And these influences "Quick, Isvara's outside," she are observable to those who know whispered. Her panic was greater how to read them." than mine. "And he sure can read them," a I followed her to where Isvara new voice chimed in. Of all the stood, cold as stone, near the edge times when Pitcorn's face seemed of the balcony. His eyes were repulsive, it was now. "Is he doing blank, his heart was still. He was you, George?" dead. Vicki had iced him. I smiled weakly. "Not me. "Did he know?" I asked. Vicki." "He was beginning to guess." Pitcorn said oh and pointed to She looked in nervously at the par- the glass in my hand. "About ready ty. "We've got to hurry." _ for a refill? I'll stroll over with I made Isvara's body limp and you." lifted it up on the balcony ledge. "Yes, George-do go," Vicki "Get ready to scream," I told Vicki. said, handing me her glass. "And Nine floors above concrete, I go easy on the vermouth." Her pushed the body into the air. Vicki laugh sounded sincere, but it was­ screamed. n't. "He said that . . . that he was "Relax, man," Pitcorn told me trying to defy gravity," Vicki as we crossed to the bar. "You look sobbed when Hadley and the oth­ as jumpy as a-a pole-vaulter." He ers questioned us. We repeated the chuckled at his joke. story when the police arrived. "Too much to drink," I grum­ "He just stepped off and . . . bled and latched onto a full gin and-" Vicki cried hysterically. bottle. "He was kind of a nut, and I I downed a glass of the stuff guess he was loaded like the rest of straight before filling our glasses us," I added. with semi-respectable martinis. Everybody accepted our expla- ·THE STAR. PARTY 123 nation. A character like Isvat•• would be in different patterns if a mystic screwball, the police ser­ . . • they were viewed from o o • geant called him-would be very from somewhere else." likely to test his powers by walk­ He was on to us-or he would ing off a balcony. "We see a lot of have been soon. War is war, but I this kind. of thing," the sergeant still feel bad about his death. The assured Vicki, who shuddered con­ man's intelligence, and the fact vincingly. Nobody suspected us. that he was so right about Vicki! We had no motive. She is a Capricorn-at least, Sa­ Of course, nobody knew what tum is her ruling planet. It'll be lsvara had told Vicki before she everybody's, after our troops ar­ suggested they get a breath of fresh rive. air. "But," he'd said, "The stars

ROBERT F. YOUNG'S "IN WHAT CAVE~ OF THE DEEP"-a story of love transmuted by a ter· rible yet glorious change. Coming next month in our October All.Star Anniversary issue. Four years ago, when Vance Aandahl was seventeen, he sold w COGI DROVE HIS CAR THROUGH HELL (F & SF, August 1961). He has kept on writing and selling tow as well as to others -PLAYBOY, for example-and he has kept on studying as well. By the time this appears he may have his M.A. from the University of Colorado. Just as COGI may have reflected something of auto­ loving adolescence, so this his latest may reflect something of hi& cu"ent, serious studies. It might have been titled, THE MAN WHO WVED LEAR. You might think that Mr. A.P. Oliver wa.t in general too far removed from humankind to feel much for that infinitely human, almost unbearably poignant tragedy. But per­ haps before the peace of his palace was so rudely breached, Lear himself never saw nor felt so keenly.

A CROWN OF RANK FUMITER

by Vance Aandahl

ALsTON PIEDMONT OLIVER Ill and dismiss him as a recluse and was one of the few that lived, al- bookhead. The ways of his life though he was to bear the deep were completely involuted; and if orange and blue scars of disease to he had any job other than reading his grave. He had always been mild and strolling, he never revealed its mannered before the outbreak. nature in word or action. ("That fellow must be a bank tell- • Perhaps it was the very seclusive­ er," they said; or, "A clergyman, I ness of his existence that saved him imagine.") He was thin, almost from death. While others were emaciated; hid behind wire-framed spinning in agony through the octagonal glasses and a toothbrush streets of the city, Alston Piedmont mustache; enveloped in a huge seal- Oliver III was sitting in the safety skin coat with timeworn narwhal of an unpolluted armchair, brows­ buttons. Those who knew him ing through a vintage edition of somewhat (none knew him well) Lovecraft and nibbling bits of would chuckle briefly at the men- cheese and cracker. Occasionally, tion of his name, touch their noses, no doubt, he strolled to the single 124 ... CROWN OF RANK FUMITER 125 window of his room and watched a salad of purple cabbage and a scene or two of the drama of death lunchmeats julienne, bathed him­ in the other world, blinking his self in a luxurious tub of hot suds, heavy enigmatic eyes and pursing donned his favorite rose-tinted his lips about a good old briar. At bathrobe, and settled into the arm­ other times, one can imagine, his chair with King Lear and a snack security was momentarily jarred by of celery stalks. a rattle and scrape at the locked The outbreak of illness had in· door; but, of course, he never em­ terrupted him in the midst of his barked on any fond errands of mer­ fortieth perusal of the play. cy, never opened the shelter of his Throughout the years, he had an­ room to the diseased breath of the nually followed Lear from his ab­ dying. dication of a golden crown, through 'Who are they to me?" he must his unbonneted purgation in the have said. "And who am I to them?" storm, into his spiritual salvation He had always enjoyed the pleas­ along the beaches of Dover, crown­ ures of solitude, not caring to be a ed anew with wildflowers. Alston part of the human mob. Others Piedmont Oliver III read again never had shown interest in him, those sweetest words of angelic Cor­ nor the intelligence and sensitivity delia's concern: necessary to his particular con­ "Alack, 'tis he: why, he was met cerns. He had no desire, certainly even now no need, to reach out and touch As mad as the vex'd sea; singing them. aloud; During the third week, he was Crown'd with rank fumiter and touched by a fever, and spent five furrow-weeds, With bur-docks, hemlock, nettles, restless nights of physical and men­ cuckoo-flowers, tal anguish, tossing about in a hot Darnel, and all the idle weeds damp bed and wondering whether that grow or not he would succumb to the • In our sustaining com. A century ravages of the plague. But, like him­ sent forth; self, his sickness was mild; and on Search every acre in the high­ the morning of the fifth day the grown field, fever had departed to find a more And bring him to our eye." likely victim. The left half of his It was then that strange thoughts face was streaked with the charac­ came floating through his mind. teristic neon stains of the disease, Looking up from his book, he gazed and his mustache had gone com­ at the familiar Goya on the far wall; pletely white; but otherwise he was but the print was no longer famil­ still the Alston Piedmont Oliver III iar, and his mind buzzed with sur­ of past years. He gorged himself on prise and astonishment. And then 126 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION the old throw rug at his feet: it his hands together furiously and was as though he had never seen blew his running nose on one icy that friend before. So too his ba­ sleeve. Then he looked down. Hud­ roque lamp, the untenanted bird­ dled against the gutter, so gray and cage (Lear the parakeet had died blue that he seemed to be a mere many years before, and never been extension of the concrete, \Vas a replaced), the pewter statue of half naked old man, smiling in­ Apollo, the dusty teak cabinet full sanely at him. of little acquisitions. Everything "Who are you, who are you?" strange, amazing. His eyes fell to cried Oliver, his mind spinning his own hands: he had never seen with excitement. The old man gig­ those hands, not until this very mo­ ~ed and ran one knotted hand ment. They were scarcely his. across the running sores that cov­ Nothing was his. He was nothing. ered his chest. Then he croaked But then, as suddenly as it had back, "Who are you," who are you?" come, shock was unseated by ex­ A thin thread of saliva drivelled citement. He had to get out, had from the corner of his mouth, to discover the world anew, had to bounced like a yoyo, touched the see, hear, smell, taste, touch an cement and froze there. His eyes utterly alien universe. He had to gazed with unblinking certainty, fill himself with it, revel in its new­ first at Oliver, then at nothing; as ness, grow in its rich virgin soil. he rolled slowly over, face down, into the filth of the gutter. It was a world of madness. Over­ Alston Piedmont Oliver III head, the clouds thundered in tan­ stumbled to his feet and dashed dem and emptied their bile on the away, splashing his coat and face land. Lightning crackled and splin­ with slush. One clumsy shoe caught tered through the trees. A cold wind itself against the ankle of a frozen lashed against the heavy folds of corpse and sent Oliver skidding Alston Piedmont Oliver III's seal­ up to a fire hydrant. "My glasses, skin coat, freezing his thin legs. He I've lost my glasses!" His hands mut­ leaned against a batered trash can, tered through the slop in a hope­ half blinded by the storm, trying less search, finally settling on one to scrape the ice from his glasses. shattered lens. He held the useless Beads of sleet stung his face and fragment in front of one eye, clung to his mustache and hair. snarled a curse, and pushed him­ Stumbling across the slushy self to his feet. "Now what can I street, he fumbled with the collar do? I'm blind! Blind!" He wheeled of his coat and tried to pull it over around on one foot and tried to see his head. Stooping next to the shel­ the way back. Nothing but a gray ter of a telephone pole, he rubbed haze, nothing but nothingness. A CROWN OF RANK FUMITER 127 He shuffied along the sidewalk low chant, a joining of sick voices, for what seemed an interminable encircling him. 'Who are you, who time, trying to see something famil­ are you, who are you?" A growth, iar, something known. But the a swell, a last anguished scream, world was a cold, undreamed mys­ last moan, last question, beating tery: a storming, unknown chaos, against his mind like the angry and he was lost in its madness. Fi­ storm itself: 'Who are you?" nally, far ahead, strange voices, but Again he ran into the mad noth­ human voices, crying out in the ingness; away from the voices that bleal{ empty night. He ran toward hammered at him, into the screech­ the voices, gasping for breath, wip­ ing oblivion. Nothing but nothing, ing away the frest that crusted his pounding, striking, shouting in his face. ears. He skidded up to a fence, "Who are you? What is this? grasped it until his hands bled, Where am I, where am I?" No shook his head, screamed at the answer but moans and shrieks, heavens above. groaning cracked whispers, vague "Night, night, night! I'm blind. movements of tongue and lip, sur­ Blind as can be. I'm blind, you see. rounding him like spirits, half-seen Blind night blind! God save the spirits, spirits of the dying and the blind! I'm blind and lost and no­ dead. "God, answer me, damn you, body knows, nobody knows! Who answer mel" Slow frightened hush, are they? Who are you? Tell me, slow settling of human silence, tell me, tell mel I'm blind, blind, broken only by the roar of thun­ blind! Who am I? Who am I?" der and the crash of icy sleet on cement. A circle of hazy bodies When he awoke, the morning darkening into shape around him, sun was hot on his face. The numb grotesque crawlings forward, pain­ chill of the storm was fading away, ful to his tortured eyes, shifting in and his limbs were beginning to and out of the storm, finally only a tingle with warmth. Overhead the few feet away, on all sides: pos­ sky was a clear turquoise blue. Ris­ tures of decay and rot, each set ing up on his elbows, he discovered with two flickering eyes. They that he could see well enough, even watched him in silence, like sand­ without his glasses, now that the stone statues lost for two millenia storm had passed and the sun had beneath the sea, dumb and mo­ risen. He looked down the length tionless, life without life. "Answer of his body: his torn and soiled mel \Vho are you?" clothes were covered with flowers "Who are you?" A thin whisper and weeds, bunches of grass, gar­ beneath the shriek of the wind. den reeds. Loops of sunflowers 'Who are you, who are you?" A hung from the buttons of his coat, 128 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION and daisies seemed to be growing spoke for him: from the cracks of his shoes. He "Who am I?" lifted one hand and touched his "You're a man, silly. Don't you hairline: he was crowned with know that?" foliage, with leaves and buds and "A man?" blossoms, all entwined in the tangle "Yes!" She shrilled with child of his hair. laughter. Then her eyes grew seri- Then he saw. Squatting next to ous again. "But why don't you like him, staring intently into his eyes, the flowers?" was a little girl, not more than seven "But I do. I do like your flowers." or eight. In one hand she held a "They're not my flowers! They're bunch of unused stems, in the other your flowers! I gave them to you!" half a dozen blossoms. Behind her "I like them very much." was a garden. She smiled when his For a long while they sat in si- eyes met hers, but did not speak. lence, staring at each other. Then He could see that she was covered the little girl smiled and rolled with the sores of the plague, half over to sleep. After awhile, he cov­ starved, not far from death. ered her with the warmth of his "Who are you?" he asked, trying coat. He sat beside her all day until to smile. she died. Then he reached out to "I'm a girl, silly. Do you like the touch her; picked her up and car­ flowers?'' She stared at him with ried her into the middle of the gar­ very serious eyes. den. Down on his knees, he scooped "Yes, I like them. But where am a shallow grave out of the moist I?" earth with his hands; covered her "You're in the city! Where peo- body, first with soil, then with flow­ pie live!" Her eyes chided him for , ers. He sat there for a long while, his stupidity. sometimes touching the crown of He coughed and cocked his head foliage on his own head, sometimes in perplexed sorrow. He didn't placing his hand on the soil above know what to say. Then his lips hers. ***************''***'''**I i MARKET PLACE : '''''''''*'*''*''''''*'*:* BOOKS-MAGAZINES COINS

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FULL COLOR COVERS af Fantasy and Sci­ POI!MS WANTED for musical setting and ,._ Fiction without overprinting-suitable far from• carding. Send poems. frH examination. Crown lng-75t! far one; $2.00 far three; $3.00 for six; Music, .49-FS WHt 32, New York 1. $15.00 for thirty-thrH. Our selection. Send order and remittance to: Mercury Press, Inc., lax 271, SF CLUBS Rockville Centre, N.Y. 11571. SCIENTIFIC HANDWRITING ANALYSIS! Have SCIENCE PALS CLUI:rn, tape; U.S., foreign; you space-age penonality, dynamics? Your S5¢ name, guarantee • 4432 Martsmith, Fair­ handwriting reveals your "Goods" and "bads". oaks, Calif. For evaluation, send $3.00. Graphlab, Box 12-J, Olympia, Washington.

STAMPS FOREIGN editions af The Magazine of FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION-few sample copies af each edition are available at SO¢ each-British, FIFTEEN PLEASANT OFFERS plus valuable tips French, German, Italian, Japanese, Spanish. on stamps. Write lileski, Station I, Winnipeg, Send remittance to F&SF-Iox 271, Rockville Canada. Centre, N.Y., 11571.

YOUR MARKET PLACE A market is people-alert, intelligent, active people, Here you can reach 156,000 people (averaging three readers per copy -.52,000 paid circulation). Many of them are enthusiastic hobbyists­ collecting books, magazines, stamps, coins, model rockets, etc.-actively interested in photography, music, astronomy, painting, sculpture, elec­ tronics. If you have a product or service of merit, tell them about it. The price is right: $2.50 for a minimum of ten ( 10) words, plus 25¢ for each additional word. Advertising Dept., Fantasy & Science Fiction 347 East 53 St., New York, N. Y. 10022 130 rite Jmprint of Qualitv (since 1937)

ORVILLE PRESCOTT, literary critic and author, Book Review Editor for the New Y Ol'k Times, writes: "People who think that their literary I.Q. u too high for them to enloy the Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction don't know what they are missing. The number of well­ written, ingenious and enter­ taining stories it regularly publishes Is astonishingly high."

IIASIL DAVENPORT, writer and editor, judge of the Book-of-the-Month Club, writes: "I have been a fan of •cience fiction all my life, and of The Magazine of Fantail/ and Science Fiction for all its life. FbSF give• ua 10me of the belt writing in the field, and the field U nne of great importance."

CLIFTON FADIMAN, writer and editor, judge of the Book-of-the-Month Club, writes: "Each of ua has hu own !peciol e•cape-reading. Mine Is science fiction . To my mind Fantasy and Science Fiction regularly supplies the finest the field has to otJer In the way o/ short fiction ." rite lmpriHI of Quality (since 1937)

ORVILLE PRESCOTT, literary critic and author, Book Review Editor for the New York Times, writes: "P~opl~ who think that th~lr llt~rary I.Q. wtoo hllrh /Of" them to enfOfl tM Mag.uine of Fanuuv and Science Fic«on dma't 1mow what they are missing. Th~ numb~r of w~ll­ wrltt~n. lng~nlous and ~nt~r­ talnlng storl~s It r~gularly publlsh~s Is astonishingly high."

BASIL DAVENPORT, writer and editor, judge of the Book-of-the-Month Club, writes: "I have been a fan of aclence ~ion all mJI life, and of TM Magazine of FantaSfl and Science Fic«on for allltlllfe. F&SF gloe1 "' aome of tM belt writing In tM field, and tM field u one of great Importance."

CLIFTON FADIMAN, writer and editor, judge of the Book-of-the-Month Club writea: "Each of "' has hu own IJH'cial eacape-readlng. Mine Is science fiction. To my mind Fantasy and Scl,nce Fiction regularly suppll~s the finest the field has to offer In the way of short fiction."