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Cookie Monster Lashes out Onto Pop Music Scene Babe Causes Animal Revolt

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Cookie Monster Lashes out Onto Pop Music Scene Babe Causes Animal Revolt THE DECEIVER FLUFF April 1, 1996 PAGE 19 Cookie Monster Lashes Out Onto Pop Music Scene John would make while his body de- many things — like where Baltimore I'm going to break your fucking Dandy Hamburger composed. You see, John has such an is located, and why not to touch the spleen Toilet Percher Extraordinare aura that even in death, the boll wee- shiny blue discs in the men's urinals. (C is for Cookie, that's good vils and maggots that are chewing enough for me) Well it's another new week here at on him couldn't help but be musi- Then I'll get your children, the Deceiver offices and I guess that cal." The overall effect of the three "John has such an aura, that your wife and the cat means it's time for yet another mu- remaining Beatles performing the (Cookie, Cookie, Cookie sic review from your's truly, Pipi sounds of John's decomposing is not even in death, the boll weevils and starts with C) for all tastes. maggots that are chewing on him Paul has said that couldn H help but be musical." -- The album is basically one "for those expecting of a monster pushed to the your typical rock Paul McCartney edge and lashing out on a album, we have to world that has turned its back say vsorry.' You Jon Landau, producer of Bruce on him. It's been said that a thousand just can't get a guy Springsteen, has been overheard say- whisky shooters, a billion cigarettes to rot in 4/4 ing: "I have heard the future of rock and 25 years in hell are what pro- time." Yet for and roll and thy name is Joey duced this album. I hate to say it, but I want to kill by Karen Kooky those who ap- Lawrence." I suggest you buy this Cookie's pain has produced sheer I want to kill. I want to slice your head off and stab preciate the album before the local record store brilliance. Buy on sight (CD includes it 78 times and hear you cry out in pain and sing ground break- runs out. bonus cuts: "Got a Boner for Big along. Together it will become a symphony of pain ing work the Bird," "Grover Get Away From That and agony. All will hear, all will run, all will worship Fab Four did Album Number Three: Kid," and "Blame it on the Bossa me. I will become your god, but I won't believe. back in the Nova." dayr this al- In what has been a real shocker for die by me bum will be many fans of public television, the End Comments DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE a real treat. Cookie Monster has left Sesame DIED The sonic's Street for a career as a punk rocker. There are no end comments, ex- DEAD are incred- Claiming budget cuts and a 25-year cept this one. BEEN DEAD ible and the addiction to cookies as STILL DEAD many a lis- the reasons for leaving, why do you ask? Longstockings. The chit chat that fills tener has said they have felt that they the Cookie Monster has the regular introduction this week were down there, right next to John. released what many icky by you will he the kind of chit chat that critics are calling the you icky points out that it is chit chat, so how Album Number Two: "Plastic Ono Band" of about that top cat? the 90s. A sonic assault It has been no secret that the most filled with personal rev- Album Number One: hotly awaited album of the spring is elations and political at- Shallow Thoughts is a place for people to express the new Joey Lawrence LP, "Going tacks, the new album their innermost psychotic and generally taboo As many of you are aware, The back to Nell." This album is a real "C is for Has Been" is' desires. Submissions should be sent to Dazed and Beatles are releasing a new album. powerhouse as Joey reexamines his living up to its reputa- Confused Girl, resident fluff queen, Karen Kooky. What many of you may not be aware roots as a supporting character on tion. Many of the songs of is that a new album has already Give Me A Break. Joey's nods to- are just plain brutal, like been released. Wrapped in a brown wards his past actualize themselves the already notorious paper bag (A nod to John Lennon 's in such songs as "Give Me A Break "Fess Up Snuffy," "Two Virgins" album) the new re- '95," "On Broadway." and a scorch- about the wooly lease features no group information ing duet with Ray Parker Jr. called mammoth's denial of and goes under the title "From the "Joey and the Ghostbusters." his homosexuality: Earth." It features all four Beatles and Joey has dedicated this album to utilizes avant garde techniques in its current flame Tori Amos, who he has Fess up Snuffy Babe Causes Animal Revolt sound. To many who will expect the said has taught him Don't feed the kids those lies more publicity, which culminated in crafty pop They're going to grow up hating Yffud Ekim nominations for a few prestigious sound of The What you choose to deny Babe-y Reporter Beatles in Academy Awards; one for Best Pic- rzwm^ ture. By the night of the awards, ev- their prime, With songs like that, Cookie proves In an event that shocked the indus- erybody seemed to be behind the ol' this album will that he is not afraid of burning try yesterday, Babe, the loveable porker, and quotes were coming from come as a bit bridges. Another well known cut is baby pig that garnered underground the most prestigious people praising of a shock. "Going to Whack Newt:" attention over the past year with crit- the Babe and his film. Ex-Beatle ics and movie-goers alike, led an ani- Emma Thompson, nominated for Paul A big blue has been mal revolt against the Academy of Best Actress, as well as adapted McCartney with a daughter and a wife Arts and Sciences. The revolt was in screenplay, for Sense And Sensibil- has gone on your kids grew up on me protest of the loss of the Academy ity, was quoted as saying, "I want that iccord saying: I've changed a thousand lives Award for Best Picture to Braveheart "In order to now for the sake of the corpora- on the recent Os- MMBBBIBB utilize John, tion car telecast. who has had you start spreading distorted lies After the vio- "At every mention o/Babe during the the unfortu- you've ended my livelihood lent revolt, the awards, people responded with enthu- nate mishap of now it's your turn to die animals fled in siasm and squeals, and it really seemed being dead, I'm going to rip out your esopha- various direc- • yy we decided to that the film might pull it off. Q it, fof }j*i& $eo gus tions. Authorities record the (C is for Cookie, that's good estimate that ap- natural sounds enough for me) proximately 250 animals of different pig in my house ... I've seen the breeds and genders participated in the movie three times and I think it's a revolt, including many of the same brilliant, brilliant piece of work." who appeared in Babe's film. Immediately following the awards There were a reported seven casu- on Tom Snyder's late night program, alties, mostly the result of a stampede film critic Gene Siskel said he liked in the main building of the Academy the awards and thought it was a good where most of the voters resided for show overall, but felt that, "The place the duration of the awards. There really would have exploded if Babe were animals of every shape and size, had won Best Picture; everyone was two of every kind (eerie, huh?). They behind that picture." seemed to have no real objective Indeed they were. At every men- other than ravaging the voters in the tion of Babe during the awards, Academy. people responded with enthusiasm Though this was the only violent and squeals, and it really seemed that act that occurred, these weren't the the film might pull it off. Unfortu- only animals that were on the offense nately for Babe himself, the rest of on Oscar night. Miss Piggy, spokes- the Academy didn't seem to think so. man for the Pig Liberation Society Talk show host David Letterman (PLS), made a surprise appearance hosted Babe on the night immedi- on the awards when she interrupted ately following the Oscars, where the a satellite broadcast with Babe him- pig was spewing expletives about self. (Babe is a member but disagrees everyone, from the Academy to with some of her ideological views.) Charlie Sheen, who in a fit of drunk- Miss Piggy's followers were protest- enness, once apparently tried to ing the awards outside the ceremony, mount him. along with Jesse Jackson and his fol- Babe was escorted out in secret lowers. after the show, and has not been heard Miss Piggy herself had no com- from since. Formal warrants and ment on the violent incident that fol- charges are pending. lowed, but her estranged lover, Kermit the Frog, offered his opinion: "I think it was a gross display of vio- We're gonna go back../ lence and greediness and shouldn't Performing Live be tolerated.
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