“Keep the Cat Free” ISSUE 1478 FELIX 14.01.11 The student voice of Imperial College London since 1949

Singapore medical Outdoor Club student New postgraduate halls VAT rise hits prices at school receives $150 breaks leg in 100ft fall at Clapham Junction Union bars

million boost Union says students are “skilled, ex- 24-hour “concierge service” and free Becks to remain at £2 per pint but other Imperial’s venture with Nanyang Techno- perienced and equipped appropriately” on-site “fi tness” gym on offer at Griffon drinks see price hikes as Government logical University receives sizeable gift as questions about student safety are Studios. But at £235 per week, is the introduces controversial 2.5% VAT from the Lee Foundation. Page 4 raised. Page 5 price right? Page 5 increase. Page 9 College TECHNOLOGY considers 8am start Committee to look at timetable changes The latest gadgets Matt Colvin and innovation from In a move sure to raise eyebrows among those who prefer an extra hour (or three) CES 2011: Page 12 in bed, it has been revealed that a Col- lege committee is considering lengthen- ing the academic day in order to ensure that Imperial is able to “accommodate the growing number of master’s courses ARTS and extracurricular programmes [that it] offers.” The proposals being discussed include allowing teaching during the current lunch break by reducing it to one hour. Pro-Rector (Education and Academic Affairs) Professor Julia Buckingham confi rmed the plans to Felix, explaining SENATE that, “there is a committee looking at the ways that we can use our teaching space most effectively”. The committee charged with inves- The Cirque du Soleil tigating the possible courses of action, known as a “working group on the ex- SETBACK PAGE 6 returns to the Royal tension of the College Day”, was...... Continued on page 9 Albert Hall: Page 26 Medical school embarrassed by FOOD controversial Daily Mail article

Katherine Bettany Sports Night at the Reynolds bar – home The Imperial College School of Medi- to get together and enjoy themselves. to the medics – featured in the article, cine Student Union (ICSMSU), and They are supposed to be fun, and the stu- In an unpromising start to the New complete with several less-than-compli- consequently Imperial itself, was embar- dent union have no intention of trying to Year, the reputation of Imperial College mentary pictures of students. The report rassed by the article, which contained ex- curb your enjoyment. We recognise that South Kensington’s School of Medicine was brought into spoke of “outrageous drinking games”, tracts from the ICSMSU handbook given there is a good chance of people vomit- disrepute by a scathing article published students who “exposed themselves to to all medic freshers on arrival at Impe- ing on Wednesday night and so provide Waffl emeister reigns in the Daily Mail. each other” and the art of tactical chun- rial. “Wednesday nights in the Reynolds orange buckets for this purpose.” A no-holds-barred account of a recent der. are primarily a night for the sports teams ...Continued on Page 7 supreme: Page 31 2 Friday 14 january 2011 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS On campus National Student Survey Union Notice A glimpse into the Union Council energy future 1st Floor, Union Building Dr Fatih Birol, Chief Economist at the International Energy Agency, will speak about uncertainty in energy Monday 14 January 18:30 markets and the future of the energy sector until 2035. Registration in advance online. Contact Gosia Gayer – [email protected] – for more information. The Union’s Fairtrade status, blighted by much confusion in the past, will be discussed on Monday with the aim of finally passing a Fairtrade Policy that will secure its Blackett Laboratory, LT1 Fairtrade status in the future. Union President Alex Kendall will be discussing plans to continue opposing the 18 January 18:00–19:00 Life Sciences Cuts and what direction to move in after December’s Senate meeting. All students are encouraged Life as a simple scribe to attend and voice their opinions. “How often do you leave a lecture theatre with an understanding of Journalist Tim Radford what you’ve just been taught in the preceding hour?” will speaks at the “Asso- ciation of British Science Lolcats of teh week Writers (ABSW) & Impe- Let’s not mince words, you’re hot property. rial” lecture. He will be talking about his 32-year People, lots of people, want to know career at the Guardian which has included time what you think of Imperial and what your as the letters editor, arts editor, literary editor and time here was like. The National Student science editor. Registra- tion in advance. Contact Survey (NSS) is a survey of all fi nal year [email protected]. university students across the UK. It is SAF, G16 your opportunity to rate the quality of 19 January 18:00-19:00 your course and of the teaching that you Lunchtime Concert received. The results are used in a range of university league tables and hence Michal Cwizewicz (pic- tured), winner of the infl uence prospective students when they Royal College of Music Concerto Competition are choosing their university. Don’t let your 2010 with John York, on piano. Free. First come, vote, so to speak, go to waste. Head to first served. Contact An- drea Robins for further www.thestudentsurvey.com and tell the information. world how good, or bad, Imperial and your Sherfield Building, Read Theatre course is. 20 January 13:00-13:45 Editor

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, Northcliffe House, Meadow Road, Derby. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. FELIX Copyright © Felix 2010.

Editor-in-Chief Kadhim Shubber Deputy Editor Gilead Amit Copy Chief Lizzy Griffiths Assistant Editor Dan Wan News Editors Alex Karapetian Matt Colvin Layout/Design Editor Veronika McQuadeova Features Editor Lizzie Crouch Sports Editors Jovan Nedic David Wilson Science Editors Katya-yani Vyas James Goldsack Kelly Oakes Charlie Harvey Business Editors Sina Ataherian Afonso Campos Politics Editors James Lees Rory Fenton Rajat Jain Technology Editor Samuel Gibbs Feroz Salam Comment Editor Anna Perman Alex Nowbar Arts Editor Rox Middleton Music Editors Greg Power Christopher Walmsley Luke Turner Film Editors Matt Allinson Jade Hoffman Ed Knock Food Editor Dana Li Fashion Editor Saskia Verhagen Games Editor Simon Worthington Online Editors Niharika Midha Dakshaa Rai Ravi Pall Chris Birkett Jonathan Kim International Editor Kenneth Lee Puzzles Captains Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar Photo Editor Thomas Welch Travel Editors Dylan Lowe Chris Richardson Copy Editors Alex Nowbar Hannah Thomas Kai Li Loh Ayyub Kamaludin Shruti Mishra Sophie Lambrakis Sharanya Subbu Ritika Gupta Deepka Rana Charles Betts Jan Piotrowski FELIX Friday 14 january 2011 3 NOTICE THE DAILY FELIX For the fi rst time ever, Felix will publish every day

28th February – 4th March

o, not yet (but perhaps informative. We sometimes and to push ourselves. The Have you we will have by the 4th make mistakes and it may not Daily Felix will provide you the Nof March). Publishing all be to your taste but we like student with up-to-date news, Q&A Felix every day, albeit only for to think that you look generally interesting features and, at the one week, is a challenge that favourably on our efforts. very least, fresh puzzles to do gone mad? we’re very excited about. But we’re not about to sim- every day. We hope that each week we ply rest on our laurels. We’re It will be a ride into completely produce a paper that you the always looking for new ways to unknown territory but ultimately, student fi nd enjoyable and engage with the student body that’s what makes life exciting.

ach day will have its own a Science supplement, Thurs- from issue to issue so try to special supplement that day a Technology supplement collect them all – puzzles fans How will it Ewill mark it out from the and Friday an Arts supplement, take note. But don’t worry if others. For example, Monday with a guide to all the best you don’t, all of the content will have an extended Sports things to do that weekend. will be online as usual. work? section with reporting from the Obviously we will be printing The paper will be delivered games on Wednesday and Sat- fewer copies than usual so to the usual distribution areas urday. On Tuesday, we’ll have a make sure you don’t miss out. between 8 and 9 each morn- Music supplement, Wednesday We’ll have running threads ing and online concurrently.

ell yeah! Sorry, I mean porting, writing, photographer, yet, this is the perfect oppor- Can I help? of course. We’re look- editing and researching. If tunity. Email felix@imperial. Hing for students to help you’ve ever considered helping ac.uk or your preferred section out in all areas including re- Felix out but haven’t done so individually. 4 Friday 14 january 2011 FELIX

News Editors: Matt Colvin Alex Karapetian NEWS [email protected] Investments Uncertain future for Money for Singapore Medical School Evelyn Gardens Planning application proposes conversion of Fisher Hall to care homes for the elderly

Veronika McQuadeova No changes until alternate halls are found

Kadhim Shubber

The long-term future of student accommoda- tion in the Evelyn Gardens area is currently un- der review, with the high cost of necessary re- furbishment likely to mean the closure of halls Imperial’s new Singaporean medical school; a part- such as Fisher. The uncertainty comes as Impe- nership between Imperial and the Nanyang Techno- rial is reviewing all areas of its accommodation logical University, has this month received a gift of provision including the wardening system and $150 million from the Lee Foundation. an investigation by Facilities Management into The school, newly named the Lee Kong Chian state of repair of all halls. The Director of Com- School of Medicine after the Lee Foundation’s found- mercial Services, Jane Neary, stressed that the er, philanthropist and business leader Tan Sri Dato College is committed to providing accommo- Lee Kong Chian, will see half of the money going di- dation for 1st year students and that the halls rectly to students from poorer backgrounds. would remain open for the foreseeable future, The medical school, whose creation was an- until they could be replaced. nounced August last year, will receive the money in The halls at Evelyn Gardens are considered order to create two endowment funds. $75 million to be in need of a radical refurbishment, since will go towards a fund designed to provide scholar- August 127 ceilings in Fisher and other halls ships and bursaries. The other half of the money will have required repair. Mrs. Neary said, “The Is there anything more beautiful than Fisher Hall at night? Yes... be used to further research and advance education problem [with the halls at Evelyn Gardens] is at the new school. The school will also receive $250 the condition of the buildings. These buildings million from the Singapore Government. have had no fi nancial investment for as long as are a great bunch of people to look after, but I leasehold expires, both fi nancially and in rela- The Lee Foundation was founded in 1952, princi- anyone can remember. At some stage we have also understand that the lease on the building tion to the freeholder. pally to further medical education and help the fi - to make economic decisions about whether is fi nite so eventually it will have to change its The College Fund and Commercial Services nancially disadvantaged. The NTU Board of Trustees [they] are viable.” function.” He added “I personally am in favour are currently searching for new sites for ac- praised Tan Sri Dato Lee, revealing: Professor Martin Head, the Warden at Fisher of retaining ‘budget’ accommodation such as commodation that would allow them to convert ‘Tan Sri Dato Lee Kong Chian had a vision to use Hall, said: “The hall is […] in need of proper Fisher, to maintain the range of choices current- the Evelyn Gardens halls. Mrs. Neary said that his wealth not for personal betterment but to improve refurbishment. The other halls [at Evelyn Gar- ly available to prospective [Imperial] students.” she was looking at sites on the outer edge of society as a whole. His selfl essness and generosity dens] are all in comparatively much better con- Union President Alex Kendall questioned zone two which would allow the Accommoda- will be an inspiration to the students of this medical dition.” However, Jane Neary denied that Fish- the motives behind the planning application: tion service to provide similar prices to those school named after him’. er Hall was sub-standard saying: “It’s not that “I think that the College does take affordabil- currently charged in halls at Evelyn Gardens. Indeed, the medical school is expected to both fur- [the hall isn’t] good enough, it’s completely ity seriously, but this decision does seem to be She said that there would be a move away ther Singapore’s medical education and healthcare legal, they’re all completely legal. […] We’ve driven by cost-cutting. Fisher Hall is in urgent from shared accommodation but emphasised system, and create multidisciplinary research op- done all the urgent work.” need of refurbishment and Imperial are less that it was important to have student input on portunities for both NTU and Imperial, for example In July, Imperial and the Wellcome Trust sub- likely to lose money if it is sold on rather than the matter: “Going forward, I don’t think stu- in biomedical engineering, translational and clinical mitted a joint planning application for Fisher retained as student accommodation.” dents want twin or triple rooms. The reasons research, and health services research. Any break- Hall. The application sets out plans to convert However, John Anderson, the Chief Execu- they take them is because the [price] is right.” throughs subsequently made would ‘not only directly the hall, which has 156 beds, into 28 housing tive Offi cer of the College Fund, said that the She argued that ultimately, the question to ask benefi t Singaporeans but will also contribute to the units for elderly care and says “the need for expiry of the leasehold on Fisher Hall meant students is: “Would you prefer to live on the well-being of the wider regional and global commu- student accommodation [at Evelyn Gardens] that Imperial had to consider its options. The outskirts of zone two and come in or would you nity’, a speculation made by the chairman of the has been reduced as new halls of residence leasehold expires in 38 years, after which it like to share a room on campus? “ school’s temporary Governing Board, Mr Lim Chuan have been created […] at Princes Gardens”. A reverts back to the freeholders, the Wellcome Mr Anderson said that the College would not Poh. single standard room at Fisher is currently ei- Trust. He explained that Imperial needs to con- be seeking a solution through private halls of The school will initiate a new style of medical edu- ther £95 or £108 per week. The cheapest single sider the value of the property as the expiry residence and added that it would not be easy cation in Singapore, combining a science-based ap- room at Eastside – one of the new halls referred date grows closer. “The College is going to be to fi nd an alternative site, meaning that it is un- proach with ‘e-Learning’, a style familiar to Imperial’s to in the statement – is £168 per week, rising looking at an 8-fi gure sum to refurbish Fisher likely that any changes will happen in the near own medical students. NTU’s strength in engineering to £227 per week for a “deluxe” single room. Hall to achieve the standard of other halls. To future: “In an ideal world, it would be great to will be used to utilise technological advances in the Mrs. Neary dismissed concerns that this ques- my mind, it simply doesn’t make sense to in- fi nd a site similar to Princes Gardens, in terms fi eld of medicine. The school, which will accept 50 tioned the College’s commitment to affordable vest that much money into a property for which of atmosphere and community, where we could students in 2013, will undoubtedly help ensure the housing saying, “Planning application speak the lease expires in 38 years.” provide lower cost accommodation on a sig- successful future of healthcare in Singapore, as well and what we do is completely different”, also The idea of converting Fisher Hall into prop- nifi cant scale and move away from the current as, according to the Lee Foundation, ‘provide assis- reassuring that “we’re going to do what’s right erty for elderly care use is, according to Mr usage of the buildings such as those at Evelyn tance to bright and needy medical students who can for students.” Anderson, a much wiser choice as the property Gardens […] Unfortunately they rarely come pursue their life’s mission’. Professor Head said that the College’s actions would generate a considerable return. He add- forward in West London.” Unless they do, he Katherine Bettany were understandable: “Obviously I would prefer ed that this would mean that the College would said, it is unlikely that much will happen to for Fisher to stay open as a hall, as the students fi nd itself in a much better position when the change the status quo. FELIX Friday 14 january 2011 5 NEWS Outdoor Club accident New postgraduate halls raises safety fears at Clapham Junction Matthew Colvin She listed multiple complaints about the group such as there being “no suit- A club trip took a turn for the worse last ably experienced or qualifi ed leader, no November when a member of the Out- charged up mobile phones, no decent £235 per week for a room at Griffon Studios door Club fell 100ft while climbing in head torches, unsuitable footwear, bro- the Lake District. The injured student ken crampons hanging off their belt- Tom Welch was winter climbing on the slopes of loops, unsuitable clothing incorrectly Kadhim Shubber Helvellyn, the third highest peak in Eng- fi tting harnesses and no emergency shel- land, with a small group of other Impe- ter”. New halls in Clapham Junction are set rial students on the 27th of November She also described seeing the student to open to postgraduates in the next when the incident occurred. fall from “the top of Helvelyn Head academic year. Griffon Studios, which A passerby was able to contact Patter- Wall onto the rocks below” and how charges £235 per week for high-quality dale Mountain Rescue and the student, they feared that the student had died: studio apartments, is the product of a who had suffered a broken femur, was “[we made our way] to what we thought joint venture between the Imperial Col- airlifted to safety by a Royal Navy Sea would be a dead body.” lege Fund and the property developer King helicopter to a hospital in White- When contacted by Felix about her Berkeley First. The halls on Winstanley haven. post, Ms. Waugh was keen to state that Road, which include a 24-hour “con- A spokesperson for Imperial College the complaints were not “a dig at the cierge service” and a free on-site “fi t- Union (ICU) confi rmed the incident, club or the persons in general” but in- ness gym”, will house 452 postgradu- praising the action that the group took: stead aimed to highlight “the unique ates from October 2011, expanding to “The incident occurred… while climb- position that University clubs fi nd them- 566 the following year. ing a winter grade II snow slope. During selves in”. John Anderson, the Chief Executive the climb the student in question took a She went on to argue that said clubs Offi cer of the College Fund, said that the fall, sliding down the slope and coming suffer from “skill shortages due to a project was part of the College’s long- to a halt. When the incident occurred the number of factors such as age and ex- term strategy to grow its endowment The showroom beside the Queens Tower: the perfect place to crash if group dealt with it appropriately, render- perience of members, skill drain result- fund. “We’ve got around 5,500 post- you’re studying late in the library ing help from other people climbing in ing from members leaving after a few graduates, most of whom are currently the area and calling the local mountain years, fi nancial constraints and a lack of renting in the private market, either rescue team… ICU are grateful to the knowledge with regards to the correct with private landlords or private halls. It “We know that international postgraduate others climbing in the area that day, and usage of kit, clothing and equipment.” makes fi nancial sense, where the funda- the volunteers of the Patterdale Moun- The ICU spokesman responded to mentals of the market support it, for us students can sometimes get burnt in the tain Rescue Team for their assistance. these claims, stating that “members of to offer an alternative to these students.” All reporting procedures were followed the public are entitled to their own opin- The College Fund has committed to private rental market.” correctly.” ions and are free to post their views on invest up to £7 million into Winstanley The spokesman added that “the group online forums.” 2, the Special Purpose Vehicle – or sub- were skilled, experienced and equipped Robin Jones, Chairman of the Outdoor sidiary company – created to develop the ity for Imperial postgraduate students.” accommodation at the new halls for a appropriately for the conditions and ac- Club, declined to comment on either the site. Mr Anderson told Felix that the Col- However, he denied that the halls were number of reasons, including the cost tivities being undertaken.” incident or the claims against the indi- lege fund expects “a 15% return per an- beyond the needs of Imperial students: and the greater independence of home However, an eyewitness to the in- viduals involved. num on the equity invested by the Fund.” “It’s not luxurious, certainly not, but we PhD students. She said, “[The end cident disputes this claim. Rebecca This type of situation is not unheard of The Graduate Schools Association are interested in giving postgraduate stu- user] will be international students. Waugh, the individual who contacted amongst Imperial’s societies. In Febru- (GSA), which represents postgraduate dents the best experience possible while The people who were really interested Mountain Rescue, criticised the climb- ary 2010, Felix reported on a member of students at Imperial, said that the price they’re at Imperial.” at the postgraduate open day were the ers in a forum post on ukclimbing.com, Imperial College Mountaineering Club of the studios was “a bit steep”. GSA He went on to say that providing more international postgraduates. [For home claiming that the group was “completely who also fell 100ft while climbing in Chair Deena Blumenkratz told Felix affordable postgraduate accommodation postgraduates] there’s probably a sense unprepared for a day out on the hill”. North Wales. that there needed to be an extra effort to wasn’t currently possible, arguing that of the cost. They are probably a little build the community at Griffon Studios the correct conditions “simply aren’t happier in knowing what areas to live in to justify the cost but that the promise satisfi ed in West London at the mo- [and need] less support.” of “a wide range of social, sporting and ment”. He denied that there was a de- Mr Anderson argued that the halls cultural events throughout the year” mand for lower-quality, low-cost post- offered international postgraduate stu- gave her “high hopes” for the new halls. graduate accommodation: “If I could dents peace of mind when it came to She added that the GSA would be carry- fi nd a low-cost site, with a low-cost de- housing: “The £235 price tag is not sim- ing out a survey “to fi nd out if postgrad- veloper within easy commuting distance ply for the bricks and mortar. It’s also uate students think the accommodation of South Kensington and I felt there was for the amenities, the community spirit is affordable.” a strong demand for lower-quality, low- and for peace of mind. We know that Mr Anderson defended the high-cost cost postgraduate accommodation then international postgraduate students can of the studios saying, “We’re offering of course I would love to do that” sometimes get burnt in the private rental a high-quality product at the upper end The Director of Commercial Services, market.” of the price scale – although we believe Jane Neary, said that the pricing of the The College Fund has entered into a that we’re offering a lower-than-market rooms was a matter for the College Fund 15-year rental guarantee agreement with price for that product.” He said that the and emphasised that the project was a Berkeley First, which is worth approxi- new halls were upmarket because of the business venture: “This is a business mately £6.25 million per year in 2011. College Fund’s partnership with Berke- opportunity for the College Fund. I’m This means that it has committed to fi ll ley and because he believed that it was assisting the fund and future students 97% of the studios at £232 per week. Mr the right quality of accommodation for to provide a suitable design, suitable Anderson said that the College would Imperial postgraduates: “We have gone services and to meet [students’] needs seek to fi ll the rooms with postgraduates down this route, fi rstly, because […] when they arrive.” She added that the from other London universities if they the landowners Berkeley […] are in- prices had been benchmarked against were unable to attract enough Imperial volved in high-quality accommodation those in the private sector. postgraduates. He added, however, that and, secondly, because we’ve identifi ed She conceded that PhD students from it would likely be at a “higher price than I think the sheep are watching us... that this is an appropriate level of qual- the UK would be unlikely to take up for Imperial students.” 6 Friday 14 january 2011 FELIX

News Editors: Matt Colvin Alex Karapetian NEWS [email protected] Awards Union President Kadhim Shubber New Years Honours

Three past and present Imperial College London staff promises to have been recognised in the Queen’s New Year’s Honours List for 2011. Linda Jones – Faculty Projects Manager (Natural continue Life Sciences) and Operations Manager (Department of Physics). Lindsay Green – Administrative Director at the Medi- cal Research Council’s Clinical Sciences Centre. Sciences fi ght David Gentry – the former Safety Manager in the Fac- ulty of Natural Sciences. Kadhim Shubber the result was received via text from Alex Ken- They all received a Member of the Order of the British dall and threatened that they would make their Empire (MBE) for services to Science. Parts of this article were originally published dissatisfaction obvious when the National Stu- on www.felixonline.co.uk on the 15th of De- dent Survey came around. Kendall expressed Several Imperial Alumni were also recognised with cember. his frustration at the outcome saying, “The Honours: meeting was a massive disappointment. Most The movement to stop the Life Sciences Cuts people in the room avoided the issue outright. Knighthood suffered a setback on the 15th December, as The Senate is supposed to be concerned with

Imperial College Senate rejected the Imperial education but there was little sign of that at the Sir Ron Kerr, St Mary’s College Union paper that called for a halt to meeting.” He promised to continue to cam- School for Medicine, for the restructure. The Senate, which is made up paign against the cuts warning, “there are still services to Healthcare of senior members of College management, in- many opportunities to fi ght these changes and cluding the Rector, failed to support the paper we’re not going to give up.” He expressed his OBE to the disappointment of students who assem- gratitude to the students at the protest saying Victor Leverett, BSc bled outside the meeting at the Rector’s house. that he was “incredibly moved to see that many Physics 1966, for ser- However pressure has continued to build as people out in the rain, campaigning to defend vices to the Defence Mustafa Djamgoz, a Professor of Cancer Bi- teaching at Imperial.” Industry ology at Imperial and Chair of the Science More recently, Kendall produced a list of steps Andrew Goldberg, St Council at the College of Medicine, warned the Union can take in pressing the issue further. Who says protests need to be all about violence a Mary’s 1994, for ser- that the cuts could cause “long-term damage” These include: putting pressure on the depart- a party. And yes, before you ask, he did play Rage vices to Medicine and Union President Alex Kendall told Impe- ment to release a plan detailing how the teach- Sir Ron Kerr rial College Union Council that he felt that the ing hours of the lost staff will be replaced; taking CBE Department was “lying” about the effect of the part in the forthcoming departmental teaching also joined the chorus of criticism aimed at Professor Hugh Godfray, PHd Biology 1982, for ser- cuts on teaching. review; scrutinising the changes made to the the department. Regius Professor of Botany vices to Science In his harshest criticism yet of the restruc- fi nal year Biology and Biochemistry courses; and Head of Plant Sciences at University of Peter Head, Arup, BSc Civil Engineering 1969, for ture, Alex Kendall said that the Department generating wider awareness about the handling Glasgow, Professor Mike Blatt, slammed the services to Civil Engineering and to the environment were being underhand by not being forthcom- of the restructure and the angry response of the restructure in a letter to Ian Owens and Mag- Professor Stephen Holgate, Medicine 1971, for ser- ing with evidence for the restructure and that students. The restructure was the subject of a gie Dallman, writing that it “does not conform vices to Clinical Science “if they have evidence [that shows that teach- recent article in national magazine Private Eye. with any obvious policy of supporting aca- Jenny Body, Aeronautics 1975, for services to the ing will be unaffected] but they don’t send it The Department has defended its decision demic excellence and international competi- Aerospace Industry and to Engineering to you, then they’re lying”. He also said that arguing that there is a pressing need to ad- tiveness, nor does it show evidence of strategic the Department have no plan regarding teach- dress its defi cit. Imperial College London re- long-term vision, and it appears certain to send MBE ing and that they are “just making it up as they moved £635,000 in funding this year as part all the wrong messages to both staff and stu- Dr Elizabeth Hall, St Mary’s 1961, for services to go along”. The Department has previously said of its College-wide decision to withdraw the dents alike. In short, it is virtually guaranteed Healthcare and to the community in Colchester, Es- that it will carry out a teaching review this so-called ‘Flexibility Margin’. The aim is to to undermine the reputation and therefore the sex. month, following the restructure. The Head “encourage Departments develop alternative future of Imperial College”. Additionally The David Mitchell-Baker, Engineering 1959, for servic- of the Life Sciences Department Professor Ian plans for fi nancial sustainability”. As a result Director of the John Innes Centre, Professor es to the community in Mid-Surrey. Owens was unavailable for comment. the Department of Life Sciences has a £1.5 mil- Dale Sanders, criticized the cuts saying that Ms Dorothy Fairburn, Wye Natural Sciences 1973, Around 160 students held a noisy but peace- lion defi cit for the period 2010/2011. The De- they would “exacerbate the shortage of well- for services to Rural Affairs in the Yorkshire and ful protest outside the Senate meeting. Many partment claims that “the proposals would lead educated and motivated graduates”. Humber Region. wore red monkey masks and chanted “Save our to a signifi cant improvement in [its] fi nancial Academics from a range of universities in- plants!” as members of the Senate arrived for position” in a time period of approximately two cluding Edinburgh, UCL, Durham, Glasgow, The Honours list has, in the past, often been marred the meeting. There was light security outside years. It was revealed in December that Impe- York, Reading, Lancaster, St Andrews, Oxford with controversy. Famously in 2006, Michael Win- the meeting but they were content to simply rial’s operating surplus, or profi t, for 2010 was and Cambridge have signed the online petition ner turned down an OBE stating “I’m very glad that watch from a distance. Professor Owens did £41.3 million, compared with £16.7 million in which now has over 1700 signatures. One of they recognise my considerable skills as a toilet not face the students outside the Rector’s house 2009 and £27.1 million in 2008. the signatories, Dr John P. Carr of the Cam- cleaner, but when you look at the rubbish who are and was not present at the meeting. A number However yet more academics have come out bridge Plant Sciences Department, described getting these awards and the absolute non-service of staff observed from the back of the crowd, against the cuts in what is a growing sign of the cuts as “tantamount to intellectual vandal- they have given to the nation other than fi nancing or including some who are directly affected by discontent amongst both affected and unaf- ism” and called it a “ridiculous step for one of working for political parties, you say, ‘What company the cuts. fected staff. Professor Mustafa Djamgoz joins the world’s major research universities”. He am I in?” Despite the protest, however, College Sen- public criticism from Emeritus Professor John expressed his anger about the issue saying, However, this year the more questionable tips ate was supportive of the cuts and rejected the Mansfi eld and Dr Pietro Spanu in a letter to Ian “students have basically been tricked into do- for knighthood failed to make the grade. Sir Simon Union paper calling for them to be halted. Only Owens that has been made public. In it Profes- ing courses and PhDs that they wouldn’t have Cowell did not happen, despite rumours that he 7 members of the Senate supported the paper sor Djamgoz says that “many of those ‘remain- done if they had known about the restructure”. would be honoured for his charity fundraising for including the College Tutor Mrs Margaret Cun- ing […] are unhappy with what’s happening”. From a research point of view, he added, “Im- victims of the Haiti earthquake earlier this year. And ningham, Dr W Thomas Pike and Dr Krysia He explains his initial reluctance to air his dis- perial’s action is absurd when both the Royal Bruce Forsyth will have to be happy remaining as a Broda from the Faculty of Engineering, Dr Tim content publicly but says, “I have thought a lot Society and the Biotechnology and Biologi- CBE for now. Albrecht from the Faculty of Natural Sciences about the […] restructuring. There are many cal Sciences Research Council (BBSRC) feel Charles Betts and Dr Michael McGarvey from the Faculty of things that just do not add up”. that [crop science] research is vital for UK Medicine. The crowd booed and jeered when Academics from other institutions have and world food security.” The Royal Soci- FELIX Friday 14 january 2011 7 NEWS Excessive drinking clampdown enforced at Reynolds bar

and anarchy? Throw some Bose speakers into the mix and, hey!, you’ve got yourself e Against The Machine... Well at least they didn’t throw any fi re extinguishers at anybody...

“The Department ety released a report in October 2009 which ...Continued from Front Page of the implication of excessive drinking than leaving it to the stewards”. called for universities to “reverse the decline in Imperial College Union (ICU) at- with regards to both their health and fu- In addition to addressing the issue of has defended its subjects such as agronomy, plant physiology, tempted to contain the fallout in an of- ture careers. excessive drinking, the security of both pathology and general botany, soil science, en- fi cial statement, stating that they “do not Smith has sought to reassure ICSMSU the student body and the Reynolds bar decision arguing vironmental microbiology, weed science and condone the excessive consumption on Clubs and Societies following the fi rst has been thrown into question, with entomology.” In December, the Plant and Mi- alcohol”. Indeed, in the student agree- bar steering group, which he admitted many students questioning how report- that there is a crobial Sciences section announced that they ments introduced this year, which all “went a lot worse than expected”, in a ers gained access to the bar. Up until had “sequenced the genome of a major fungal medical students sign, students agree message to ICSMSU Club & Society now, access to the Reynolds bar, situated pressing need disease that affects barley”. Professor Janet Al- to “understand that inappropriate use of Chairs, Treasurers and Secretaries. He behind Charing Cross Hospital, Ham- to address its len, the BBSRC Director of Research said, “It drugs or alcohol is totally unacceptable went on to explain that the Charing Cross mersmith has been fairly open, with ID is testament to the excellence of UK bioscience in the medical profession.” However, Campus Dean, Professor Peter Taylor rarely checked at the door or bar. In a defi cit” research that these scientists have managed David Smith, President of ICSMSU, demanded that “each club has a sober publication produced by the ICSMSU to publish this world-class research despite conceded that some students do drink steward so that if the bouncers have to about bar policy, it was detailed that stu- the diffi culties of studying the organisms in excessively, saying, “excesses come kick someone out, then you have some- dents must now produce their college ID question.” In its fi nal outcome document, the from a minority of students, mainly one who can take them home. They are and sign in to gain access to the build- Review Panel that undertook the restructure men’s sports clubs”. However he point- also responsible for any vomit in your ing, as well as presenting valid ID at the consultation recognized “the potential strategic ed out that the problem was not confi ned area.” Smith conceded that he realizes bar. It is rumoured that Campus Dean importance of plant science research activity” to the medical school: “Excessive drink- that people will be disappointed, but he Professor Taylor, suggested introducing but felt that there wasn’t a “suffi cient critical ing is a feature of certain clubs across states that “this is the best we could do”. CCTV cameras at Reynolds. He did not mass of high impact research activity […] in [all of] Imperial.” He also sought to Many of the guidelines will be en- deny the rumours. the plant sciences area upon which to base an clarify that the orange buckets provided forced at the discretion of the stewards The ICSMSU believes that the re- independent academic unit” are purely precautionary. on site. However Smith confi rmed that porters “obtained much of his informa- The University and College Union (UCU) In light of the negative press attention, they had been enforced successfully at tion from student Facebook accounts”. have indicated that it will be challenging the ICSMSU has been forced to create a the fi rst Sports Night of the new term In order to prevent similar embarrass- legal basis of the cuts. Students have called for strategy to curb excessive drinking and last Wednesday. ments in the future, as well as maintain- Correction Professor Owens to resign. He is rumoured to be is set to enforce tougher guidelines on Members of the Christian Medic Fel- ing the security of its students, students taking a two-year sabbatical once the restructure the student body. Alcohol will no lon- lowship (CMF) – the only group to be will be reminded to be careful about In the article entitled: is complete, but this has not yet been confi rmed. ger be served to a student who “seems portrayed positively in the article – play what they broadcast in the public do- “Staff and students rail The National Student Survey, which started too drunk or [is] unwilling to drink a signifi cant role in the stewardship of main. against job cuts” (Issue this month, polls students for their views con- anymore”. In the reviewed guidelines, the site. The role of CMF at sports has With ICSMSU desperate to avoid 1477 – 10/12/10) it was cerning their course. If the angry, impassioned students deemed too drunk will be re- been questioned, however – the ICMSU similar negative press coverage in the incorrectly asserted that protests of last term are anything to go by, the moved from the premises and jugs of confi rmed that CMF’s role was only future, it is clear that both the attitudes 16 academics were be- Life Sciences Department can expect some alcohol will no longer be served. Most to steward and not to clean up vomit, of a minority of ICSM students and the ing made redundant. It fairly candid remarks from its students. As one importantly, a ‘bar steering’ group has as the article suggested. In an offi cial way the Reynolds is run will be subject should have said 14. Felix of them recently commented on Facebook: “I been set up to collect student input into statement circulated to the captains of to considerable change. If the measures apologises for this typo. can’t believe there is only 1024 characters avail- the future of the Reynolds. In addition, various clubs and societies, students are detailed by ICSMSU are unsuccessful Editor able to write about the ‘negative aspects’ of your several campaigns will be run in con- reminded that it is “the responsibility of however, the future of the Reynolds bar course/university, there is so much to say.” junction with ICU, to remind students the individual clubs [to clean up] rather remains unclear. Tom Welch

There’s no need to rush in for Felix on a Friday morning Read the week’s issue online at felixonline.co.uk from 7am every Friday FELIX Friday 14 january 2011 9 NEWS VAT rise hits prices in Christopher Walmsley FiveSixEight

Navid Nabijou the system, we’ve had to round up or the Union “was prepared to incur the down certain student prices.” cost [of the VAT increase] in certain cir- Spendthrift students returning from their The prices of popular food and non- cumstances”. For example, in maintain- Christmas break might have noticed a alcoholic drink items show both small ing “the Wednesday night offer of £1.50 subtle shift in the cost of food and drink percentage increases and decreases. a pint and all week long £2.00 for a pint around campus. The recent rise in the Prices on average have seen an increase of Becks or IPA.” rate of VAT has been cited as the main of 0.5%. Regarding the large jump in the price driver of the cost increase, although oth- Prices at the Union have risen more of peanuts and crisps, the spokesperson Graphic by Veronika McQuadeova er pressures – including an increase in signifi cantly. Lagers have gone up by said that the Union had previously been fuel duty, also put into place this month around 10p, a 5% increase on last term; selling these items at “below the normal VAT explained – have contributed to the mounting fi - the price of spirits has increased by 20p profi t margin”, in part to compensate for nancial pressure. on average, up 10%; soft drinks have “the [previous] lack of facilities to sup- VAT (value added tax) is small because The Director of Commercial Services, seen an increase of 5p. Peanuts have ply [high-quality] food.” rose from 17.5% to +2.5% your purchases are Jane Neary, initially suggested that stu- risen by 50% from 50p to 75p. The raising of VAT from 17.5% to 20% on January 4th. VAT-exempt (that dis- dent prices would not be affected, say- A Union spokesperson told Felix that 20% has been the subject of serious It is applied to all count you get with ing: “The VAT won’t affect the student the reason the increase in price on cer- controversy. A recent survey revealed ‘luxury’ items bought your swipe card) due prices.” When challenged she explained tain items was larger than the rise in fears amongst senior managers that re- and sold. Certain to the university’s that “a few product prices may have VAT was due to a number of factors, in- tailers will use the confusion of the tax products such as status as a charity. been very slightly affected” by the ap- cluding other price pressures. There was hike to mask the raising of their prices food or children’s However, there will plication of the VAT increase on visitor a need “to apply a 3% increase” unre- well beyond the VAT rate, while opposi- clothing are exempt. be cakes (which are be noticable changes prices. Although student purchases on lated to VAT at the start of the academic tion leader Ed Miliband branded the rise Famously, Jaffa VAT exempt) instead in prices at the Union campus are not subject to VAT – hence year but the Union had held back that as the “wrong tax at the wrong time.” Cakes were ruled of biscuits. bars, though the the swipe card discount – Mrs. Neary increase to “avoid changing prices twice George Osborne, the Chancellor, main- VAT exempt because The effect on pric- sacrosant ‘£2 pint’ told Felix, “because of the link between during the same academic year.” tained that the rise was the most “pro- they were shown to es around campus has been protected. the [student and visitor/staff] prices on The spokesperson went on to say that gressive” option available.

Earlier starts, later lectures and National Student Survey shorter lunch breaks on the cards launched Tom Welch ...Continued from Front Page Charles Betts that in mind I’m delighted the Rector ...established by Imperial’s Strategic Navid Nabijou has placed assessment and feedback Education Committee, which exists high on his agenda. He has written to without student representation. This week sees the launch of the Nation- heads of departments and directors of At the fi rst meeting on Monday 17th al Student Survey (NSS) 2011 at most undergraduate studies, asking them to January, chaired by the Deputy Princi- Higher and Further education institu- make this a priority, and requesting that pal of Imperial College Business School, tions across the UK, including Imperial. departments lay down clear timelines Professor Dorothy Griffi ths, various pro- Entering its seventh year, the NSS is indicating when students can expect posals will be presented but no fi rm deci- intended to provide the opportunity for feedback for work submitted.” The Rec- sions will be made towards future plans. fi nal year students to refl ect on their time tor embarked on an ambitious drive to As well as the idea of reducing the at their institution and voice their opin- improve standards, setting departments lunch break, other proposals due to be ions on their course. a two-week deadline for marking and discussed at the meeting include extend- The survey results feature in numer- returning work. ing postgraduate hours to 8pm on Mon- ous university league tables. The In- Following these exertions, the col- days and Thursdays, extending under- Tsk tsk, late for lectures again... dependent, Sunday Times, and Times lege will be hoping for a whopping graduate hours to 8am-7pm on Mondays all use it to determine student satisfac- improvement on last year’s results al- and Thursdays and offering humanities tion, whilst the Guardian employs it for though it is widely expected that the re- options from 6pm-8pm on a voluntary One important steer the group have been taking humanities as well as generally teaching quality. sults for the Biology and Biochemistry basis. given is that the length of the teaching exhausting students by putting them Last year, Imperial College London courses will take a hit following wide- The proposals are aimed at depart- day for individual students should not be through a very long day of studies.” achieved an overall satisfaction rating of spread student discontent with the Life ments suffering from timetabling issues increased.” He reassured Felix that students would 85%, placing it 43rd nationally and 13th Sciences cuts. and are designed to provide greater fl ex- Deputy President (Education) Alex be involved and would be able to put amongst Russell Group universities. All eligible students are encouraged to ibility in terms of teaching. Dahinten recognised the “historical” forward their views: “Student reps have The college’s learning resources rating take part – higher turnout rate resulting When asked about the potential rami- problem that departments have had with been consulted, and students can be as- of 90% was well above the national av- in more credible data. If participation is fi cations of the committee’s conclu- timetable clashes, but he highlighted the sured that every issue will be presented erage. less than 50%, the NSS will not accept sions, Professor Buckingham provided effects that extending the day could have at the meeting by the [Deputy President However, student satisfaction with as- the results. The question of whether last her opinion on who would be affected on college life: “Potentially extending (Clubs & Societies) Heather Jones] and sessment and feedback was distinctly year’s situation has been improved upon should any changes come to pass: “I the College Day comes with serious myself. I have been guaranteed that the sub-par. Prof Julia Buckingham, Pro will be answered when the results are wouldn’t want to predict the fi nal out- side effects such as Club & Society or student experience is at the forefront of Rector (Education), stated at the time published in August 2011. come but I would expect any changes to Sports events having to be put on later this discussion, and the Union will make “It is an issue we are taking seriously, be aimed mainly at Master’s students. in the evening, putting off students from sure that this is the case.” and are continuing to address. With www.thestudentsurvey.com 10 Friday 14 December 2011 FELIX

Science Editors: James Goldsack, Katya-yani Vyas Kelly Oakes, Charlie Harvey SCIENCE [email protected] And a few suggestions... Sir Francis: crime fi ghter

Thea Cunningham research on domestic breeding. Galton believed negative connotations. that humans inherited their abilities from their In his later years, Galton became interested For those of you familiar with TV crime se- parents like the animals and plants Darwin de- in fi ngerprinting as a tool to identify racial dif- ries like C.S.I and Dexter, you’ll know that scribed. He was an extreme advocate of nature ferences, and links between families and intel- fi ngerprinting plays a large part in catching over nurture, believing genius was genetically lect. He collected over 8,000 sets of prints and the wanted. But you might not be aware that determined. In 1869, he published his fi rst studied these fastidiously. Galton confi rmed the if it weren’t for a man named Francis Galton, book, Hereditary Genius, in which he proposed work of Sir William James Herschel years be- using fi ngerprints to catch criminals wouldn’t a method for ranking people’s natural abilities. fore, who had proposed that no two fi ngerprints be possible. In fact, the British psychologist Galton’s later book, English Men of Science: are identical, nor do they change over time. In not only pioneered the use of fi ngerprinting in Their Nature and Nurture, published in 1874, 1892, Galton published Fingerprints, which criminal cases, but he also coined the ‘nature was the result of his study of prominent fi gures showcased a classifi cation technique that was versus nurture’ debate and made serious efforts in England and their education, parentage and later adapted by police forces as a method with to measure brainpower in the 19th and early family achievements. In it he proposed that which to convict criminals. 20th centuries. This month marks the 100th an- birth order was correlated with achievement in A man of many talents, Galton also dipped niversary of his death. later life. his toes in statistics, coining the concepts of A Life in Science Born on 22 February 1822, Galton was an in- Galton believed individuals with superior correlation and standard deviation, and also by John Gribbin and Michael White telligent child. He took a shine to science at an mental and physical capabilities would en- found time to invent a test to decipher differen- early age and aged 18, enrolled at Trinity Col- hance society. He questioned whether the hu- tial hearing, and create the world’s fi rst weather John Gribbin made his name with ‘In Search of Sch- lege, Cambridge to study medicine, although man race could be improved in a Darwinian map. rodinger’s Cat’, an essential read for any aspiring he later swapped to mathematical sciences. style, by discouraging reproduction between In recognition of his achievements, Galton Physics student. Before this, however, he collabo- Galton was a keen sportsman and traveller, ex- people with undesirable traits, and instead was knighted in 1909. By the time of his death rated with Michael White to produce this early bi- ploring Egypt, Syria and South Africa. He was favoured mixing between healthy, mentally two years later on 17 January 1911, Galton had ography of Stephen Hawking. The book covers his elected a fellow of the Royal Geographical So- strong families. Galton coined the now wide- published over 300 books and his ideas had fi l- formative years and the reputation he built as a ciety upon his return from the latter. ly-known concept ‘eugenics’, which seeks to tered into many different fi elds. A century on cosmologist. Much of Galton’s early work focused on hu- improve the human race. His campaign gained and his ideas still infl uence forensics, anthro- Whilst focusing mainly on Hawking’s career as a man intelligence. A half-cousin of Charles Dar- momentum across the UK and America, and pology and statistics. The nature/nurture debate physicist, the authors also manage to convincingly win – they shared the same grandfather, phy- was backed by politicians. It was only after still prevails, but perhaps most importantly, portray his family life as well as the media frenzy sician Erasmus Darwin – Galton was inspired Hitler and the Nazis exploited the concept in Galton uncovered the origins of genius that has that surrounded (and in fact still does surround) the by the Origin of Species, in particular Darwin’s the twentieth century that the concept gained helped modern psychology today. fact that he suffers from Motor-neurone syndrome. It is often felt that the authors detached them- selves from the emotional aspect of Hawking’s ill- ness. However, this actually serves to make the book a more convincing science biography. Hawking himself always seeks to downplay his illness so it is fi tting that the authors do not make it the main Sweet thoughts curb hunger pangs focus of the book. Hawking is a remarkable charac- ter with a sense of humour to match. This biography Thea Cunningham But before you head home for your imagi- ter likened self-control to muscle; it becomes portrays the man and his science superbly. nary meal, spare a thought for your blood sugar tired if it’s exerted too much. In much the same Katya-Yani Vyas Want to shed your Christmas bulge but can’t levels. Successful self-control requires a great way, controlling our responses to situations resist the Quality Streets? Then imagine eating deal of energy. This energy comes in the form exhausts our body’s supply of glucose. This is them, for it could help you in the long run. A of glucose, our body’s natural fuel. In 2007, a called ‘ego depletion’ and it makes us less able Schrödinger’s lolcat study published in Science over the festive pe- social psychologist at Florida State University, to carry out other activities demanding self- riod has shown how imagining eating a certain Roy Baumeister, carried out an experiment to control, like resisting those foods that we fancy. food can reduce your consumption of that food. show that people are more likely to lack self- For resolute dieters, thinking about willpow- The team at Carnegie Mellon University in control when their glucose levels are low. er in this way might prove useful. For example, Pennsylvania got their participants to simulate In the study, Baumeister got his participants, if you’re exhausted after a long day at work, eating imaginary M&M’s. The more M&M’s who had fasted for a couple of hours previous- chances are you’re not going to have the self- the participants imagined they devoured, the ly, to take part in mental tasks, such as focusing control to choose a salad over a sandwich. The fewer M&M’s they actually ate when they on a fi lm or trying to suppress negative stereo- only way to reinstate your depleted bodily re- were offered a real bowl full of the chocolate types. The students made to exert focused self- sources is through rest. So if your diet is wear- treats afterwards. control had signifi cantly lower levels of blood ing you thin, make sure you get a good night’s “To some extent, merely imagining an expe- glucose than those who were not made to. sleep and that your energy levels are topped rience is a substitute for the actual experience”, These tests confi rmed that self-control is de- up. Or better still; try imagining eating your fa- said team member Joachim Vosgerau. “The dif- pendent on glucose, but more importantly, that vourite sweets and treats. Where there’s a will, ference between imagining and experiencing our glucose supplies are exhaustible. Baumeis- there’s a way. may be smaller than previously assumed.” Of course, simply thinking about your favourite food, or any other food for that matter, won’t You won’t believe it... keep you from eating it – you will need to re- peatedly simulate chewing it. The Oriental hornet has the unique ability to obtain For a long time it’s been widely assumed that energy from the sun, through a special pigment thinking about your favourite fat-laden foods found in a large yellow stripe on the abdomen. Mol- will make your cravings for them even stron- ecules of this pigment, Xanthopterin, transform light ger. The results, then, are likely to bring relief into electrical energy through a photo-biochemical to New Year dieters trying to stave off thoughts process which allows the hornets to be most active of roast dinners and turkey sandwiches. As lead in the middle of the day. This is especially surprising author of the study Carey Morewedge conclud- as until now, the insects were thought to perform ed: “These fi ndings suggest that trying to sup- metabolism in an organ, similar to the human liver, press one’s thoughts of desired foods in order called the fat body. to curb cravings for those foods is a fundamen- tally fl awed strategy.” Imaginary sweets can help you resist the temptation of these sugary treats FELIX Friday 14 December 2011 11 SCIENCE Sci-fi Building green cities from scratch Column We should move to new cities that are designed to be green Maciej Matuszewski

As this is the fi rst issue after the Christ- mas break I’m going to review the Doc- tor Who Christmas Special. I’ve always enjoyed the specials but I wasn’t par- ticularly hopeful for this one after the previews showed that it would be based on the Christmas Carol. It seemed like there was very little that the writers could add to this classic story and that, by resorting to copying Dickens, they had simply run out of ideas. At fi rst, the episode seemed to confi rm my fears. It begins on Christmas Eve with a spaceship whose clearly incom- petent crew has managed to trap it in a planet’s turbulent atmosphere, which will shortly destroy it. Fortunately, Amy and Roy are onboard for their honeymoon cruise and manage to contact the Doc- tor. Unfortunately for the viewers they spend the entire episode in, respectively, their policewoman and Roman Centu- rion costumes from last season. While this is given a plausible explanation as bit of ‘roleplay’ during one of their fi rst nights as a married couple it simply looks ridiculous. I can honestly see no reason why the show’s creators thought that this would add anything to the episode. An artist’s impression of the planned Masdar City in Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates, designed to reduce the human impacts of city living For some highly contrived reason, which is explained in one line of dia- logue, the Doctor can’t just land the Anastasia Eleftheriou signer’s aim is that every one of those peratures, so scientists and engineers are will be students at the Masdar Institute, TARDIS inside the spaceship but must people will be no more than seven min- focused on insulation and ventilation, which will be a base for sustainable en- instead persuade the owner of the plan- Ecologists and environmental scientists utes walk from public transport. and the maximization of shade. This is gineering. et’s weather control device to allow the are trying hard to raise public awareness A real breakthrough is that no CO2 achieved by packing the streets of the I hope that the fi rst Eco-Cities will be spaceship to land safely. When the mi- about environmental problems. I believe emitting cars will be available in either city closer together and by limiting the able to inspire others and also enhance serly Kazran Sardick refuses, the Doctor that everyone understands that we live Dongtan or Masdar with only electric maximum height of the buildings to four the way that other cities are trying to go decides to go back in time to Kazran’s on a suffering planet which has various vehicles allowed. Another benefi t is that or fi ve storeys. Engineers will use thin green. In the UK, 10 eco-towns were youth to change him into a better person. increasing needs and demands, which electric cars are quiet so thinner materi- walls that react quickly to the sun and a about to be built, but because of the The story, however, quickly picks up is why cities all over the world have set als can be used in building construction thin metal layer on the outside to refl ect credit crunch and strong local protests as the Doctor assumes the roles of the high targets to reduce carbon emissions as there will be less noise to drown out. the heat and stop it from penetrating the at the proposed sites, further consider- three ghosts from the Christmas Carol and produce clean energy. However, a More than 60 per cent of the whole site building. ations need to be made. It is essential to to achieve this task. I was genuinely very interesting alternative has started to is being allocated to parks and farmland One major difference between Masdar mention that life in an Eco-City will be surprised by how the writers managed evolve. Why not build new “green” cit- and they expect an initial 83 per cent and typical cities is that the whole city of a better quality, not only for people’s to give this premise a new twist. It was ies from scratch? reduction in waste sent to landfi lls com- will be raised with the pedestrian level bodies, which are going to enjoy the particularly ingenious how, inspired by Such a city would be called an Eco- pared to other cities. As great amounts free of vehicles and consequently, traffi c health benefi ts, but also for their spirits, the ghost of Christmas Yet-to-come, City or a Sustainable City and would of rice husks are available in the area, noise. The fi rst people to live in Masdar as they will feel closer to mother nature. he brought a young Kazram forward in be designed specifi cally to minimize its they will be burned to produce energy time to show him what sort of person energy, water and food needs, reduce its and the releasing CO2 of this burn is go- he could become if he wasn’t careful. pollution and waste of resources, and ing to be captured and fed into green- This blending of Doctor Who’s usual be able to supply goods to its inhabit- houses. science fi ction themes and the Dick- ants with minimal reliance on the sur- Ironically, Masdar is located in a ensian elements gave the story an in- rounding countryside. Fortunately, this country that is a leading producer of fos- teresting steampunk feel. Despite their relatively new idea is being applied at sil fuels yet it will be one of the most absurd outfi ts, I was also happy to see the moment in two places, one in China ecologically healthy cities. Its area will that the regular companions were given called Dongtan (near Shanghai), and be 6.5 km2 with a population of around meaningful roles to play. What ’s more, one in the United Arab Emirates called 50,000 people and a total cost of around the writers refrained from presenting Masdar (17 km from Abu Dhabi). 22 billions dollars. A light railway line an easy technobabble solution, with the Plans for Dongtan city started in 2005. will provide a transport link to Abu Dha- ending being very satisfying; fl owing It is located in a corner of Chongming bi and nobody will be more than 200m logically from what we had seen. Island which is going to be connected away from the public transport. A de- This was certainly nowhere near the with Shanghai by a bridge and a tunnel salination plant will provide 8000m3 of best Doctor Who episode, with the link. It will consist of three inter-linked water a day, and 60 per cent of the water early problems being compounded by villages, and all of them will combine used in Masdar will be recycled. an occasional lack of tension and slow homes, businesses and places for recre- As you can imagine, in an Eco-City pace. It was, however, still an enjoyable ation. It will be able to provide housing air-conditioning is not an acceptable hour’s viewing and one of the better for 80,000 people by 2020, and its de- solution to the problem of high tem- Only electric cars, such as the G-Wiz, would be allowed in Masdar things that I saw over Christmas. 12 Friday 14 January 2011 felix

Technology Editors: Samuel Gibbs Feroz Salam TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Free App of the Week

iOS - Kindle for iPhone CES 2011 - Las Vegas Feroz Salam brings you the best from this year’s CES, the world’s largest consumer electronics exhibition

very year, the CES exhibition out on its major successes over the previous year, “There was plenty in the deserts of Las Vegas prom- with the new Android 2.3 (Gingerbread) or An- ises an interesting foresight into droid 2.2 (Froyo) featuring on the vast majority of novelty on offer the gadgets and technologies that of devices. are going to be big over the year, While these high-end devices promise bleed- as manufacturers Eand this year was no exception. While this ing-edge performance, you might want to wait year’s CES continued where the last exhibition a while before investing in a brand spanking attempted to pack even left off, focusing on handheld and mobile com- new 4G handset – the public auction for the 4G puting platforms (think tablets, tablets, tablets), spectrum to British mobile operators is only more power into the there was still plenty of novelty on offer as scheduled to happen in 2011. palm of your hand” manufacturers attempted to pack even more Android also made a showing in the bur- power into the palm of your hand. geoning tablet market, with the tablet-oriented On the mobile front, manufacturers are ob- Android 3.0, aka Honeycomb, finally making heavy punch in the processor department and is viously hoping that this is to be the year that a showing on some devices. News on tablets already setting itself up to be yet another ‘iPad 4G makes it big, with major investments in was dominated by the usual mobile computing killer’. Read on for more about the Xoom, and next-generation devices from big players in the suspects, and the biggest splash was made by the other biggest stories that we’ve picked market such as LG, Motorola, HTC and Sony. Motorola with their new 10.1 inch Xoom de- out from a week chock full of new product Android too shows clear signs of consolidating vice. Running Honeycomb, the device packs a announcements.

Amazon’s Kindle app for the iPhone means you’re Tablets, tablets, tablets never without a good book. Featuring Whisper Sync, you can keep your place no matter what. ablets were the name of the game likes of RIM, with its business oriented first at this year’s CES, continuing foray, the PlayBook, and established players the trend towards portability over such as Samsung, who have taken a leaf from Android - Kindle for Android from last year. In contrast to 2010 the mobile market and previewed an innovative however, major manufacturers are but risky, slider-tablet that opens out to a full Tno longer playing second fi ddle to Apple, with QWERTY keyboard. the defi nite emergence of a breed of devices With nearly 100 tablets announced or pre- that could (in several ways) surpass Apple’s viewed over four days, there’s going to be plen- iPad. ty to choose from, but with promises made by Leading the charge is Motorola’s Xoom (pre- most tablet manufacturers from 2010 (notably viewed on the next page), featuring a powerful the Windows 7 tablet debacle) left unfulfilled, dual core processor and the highly awaited An- and Apple’s rumoured second generation iPad droid Honeycomb tablet-oriented OS. on the way, it might be worth waiting to see It’s not all smooth sailing though, as the some slates hit the stores before setting your It doesn’t matter how great it is, I’m Xoom is facing credible competition from the money aside. still going to use it to carry drinks...

4G or not: does it really mean anything?

major theme from mobile manu- necting to a 4G network, it’s likely that it won’t facturers at this year’s CES has get the chance to use them until sometime in been 4G. The new standards 2012 at the earliest. for wireless communication are In addition, it’s worth keeping in mind that meant as an upgrade from cur- many phone manufacturers have been less than Arent third generation (3G) technologies in use scrupulous about what they call 4G. There are today, and promise higher speeds for users and quite a few examples of the 4G moniker being better effi ciency for telecom companies. Yet is used interchangeably between meaning those it worth shelling out for these new handsets, that actually satisfy 4G standards and those and if so, what can you expect? that attain 4G-like speeds. HSPDA+ for ex- As far as Britain goes, we are going to have ample is an extension of current 3G tech, but to wait until at least mid-late 2011 before the reaches much higher 4G-like speeds. Kindle on Android brings Amazon’s eBook might to government auctions the required spectrum If you’re willing to wait a year to benefit from Google’s mobile OS, ready for books and magazines. allocated to 4G, to telephone providers. This it, 4G tech could provide you with a seamless Just try not to squint too much at the screen. When I was your age, we only have half means that even though you may be able to get and lightning quick internet experience. Just a G! And we didn’t complain either! your hands on a phone that’s capable of con- don’t expect the battery life to be stellar. felix Friday 14 January 2011 13 TECHNOLOGY Top tech to keep your eye on in 2011 The Motorola Xoom Glasses-free 3D TV

Motorola’s Xoom has been winning accolades iPad’s. In terms of multimedia features as well, the 3D was a big theme at last year’s CES, as major Sony and Toshiba were all out at CES with 3D dis- from far and wide after it’s launch at CES. Boast- Xoom outdoes the iPad, coming in with two cam- players in the television market attempted to con- plays sans glasses, but the conspicuous absence of ing a feature set that puts Apple’s iPad in the eras: a front facing 2 MP camera for conferencing vince consumers that 3D should enter the home any commercial release dates for these next gen- shade, the tablet is a sure sign that tablet manu- and a 5 MP for better quality photos. in 2010. One of the biggest stumbling blocks of eration products is a clear indicator that they are facturers are no longer looking towards Cupertino Even more interesting is the promise of Android’s any such attempt, however, was the fact that most nowhere near production ready. for inspiration. tablet-oriented incarnation, Honeycomb, on the forms of 3D hawked in Vegas last year depended on With 3DTV not making the sort of market in- In the processing department, the Xoom (pro- device. It’s this combination of leading hardware bulky, historically unpopular 3D glasses; a require- roads the big firms would have liked, glasses-free nounced ‘Zoom’) packs a hefty dual core processor and software that’s leading people to call it the next ment that put off most consumers. 3D might be the tonic that the industry needs, but from NVidia, while it also boasts a crisp 1280 x 800 ‘iPad killer’, a mighty title for a product yet to have This year, manufacturers are going one step fur- the consumer has spoken - the burden of proof lies resolution on a screen that’s slightly larger than the a price or launch date. ther and removing this age-old barrier to 3D. LG, squarely with the manufacturers. Slider Tablets The Motorola Atrix 4G

New form factors are rare in technology, but in the any real productive work done on them. Motorola continued in the vein of its recent revival, a laptop dock. The HD Media dock will allow you rapidly growing tablet market there’s still huge po- With other manufacturers perfecting the docking with its Atrix 4G attracting high praise by those to plug your phone’s display into a television or at- tential for innovation. tablet form factor, it remains to be seen whether who saw it at CES. On the face of it, the Atrix is tach a USB mouse/keyboard to it and use it as a Both Samsung and Asus brought out slider-tab- customers really want to be burdened with lug- just another high-end Android smartphone - run- media hub. lets, ultra-thin screens backed with a QWERTY ging a keyboard around at all times. Weighing in at ning NVidia’s Tegra 2 chip and sporting a crisp 960 The laptop dock is where the innovation takes keyboard. While build quality is probably going nearly a kilo, for example, Samsung’s device might x 540 display that gives most other phones in the place - a laptop shell that you can slide your phone to be the biggest deciding factor in the success of be competitive in the netbook class, but is signifi- category a run for their money. into (much like a NES cartridge), that turns your these devices, the form factor will probably prove cantly heavier than any competing pure tablet, a But what really stands out about the Atrix isn’t phone into a full PC running Android, almost per- very popular with those people who have stayed burden when you just want to watch a film on the the phone itself, but the accessories that Motorola fect if you’re in the market for a phone but need the away from tablets due to the difficulty of getting way home from work. is promising to offer with it: a HD Media dock and versatility of a netbook on the side. 14 Friday 14 january 2011 FELIX

Business Editors: Sina Ataherian Afonso Campos BUSINESS [email protected] News Summary Finance Society hosts fi rst Big bosses, big bonuses of a kind trading game The public backlash against large bonuses for those in the financial Young traders from across the country gather at Imper ial sector is once again at a high. This comes amidst news the total compensa- tion for top bankers could exceed £7billion this year. Bob Diamond (pic- tured), the former president of investment bank Barclays Capital and newly appointed CEO of the Barclays Group is in line for a £9million bonus. Mr Diamond succeeds John Varley, who, compared to his peers, successfully steered Barclays away from many pitfalls during the crisis. Diamond has recently stated that he has not made a decision whether or not to accept the bonus. Adding fuel to the fire are Stephen Hester, CEO of the Royal Bank of Scotland and Eric Daniels, CEO of the Lloyd’s Banking Group. They are due to receive a compensation package that could total £2.5mil- lion and £4million respectively. The government still holds participations of 41% in Lloyd’s and 81% in RBS. Recently the opposition has accused David Cam- eron of not doing enough to curb bonuses for finance professionals. Everyone quickly alt-tabs Facebook as the photographer approaches Germans do it better Afonso Campos on the existing relationship between the two. Hedge funds need investment banks to perform While in much of Europe economic recovery is not On the 29th of November, teams from several operations in the fi nancial markets and invest- picking up the previously expected steam, or has in- universities from all over the UK competed in ment banks earn commission by enabling these deed come to a halt, Germany has bucked this trend a never before seen trading simulation. The positions. This element of interaction between by posting a provisional figure of a 3.6% year-on-year trading game held at Imperial was part of the the teams creates an environment which requires growth. This is the fastest growth since 1990 and a national UK Investment Banking Series, a the use of all forms of communication: shout- stark contrast to a decline of 4.9% in 2009. competition initiated in 2010 by the Impe- ing across a room, calling on the phone or chat- The high figure is a product of a spectacular 14.2% rial College Finance Society (ICFS) which has ting via the internet – the overall result being the increase in exports and domestic demand, support- proven to be a great success. buzzing atmosphere of a hectic trading fl oor! ed by a sharp increase in manufacturing investment The trading game itself is one of a kind – the “The focus lies very clearly on simulat- of 22.6%. Households also helped buoy the figure by concept and technology are the brainchild of ing what is called fl ow trading as opposed to What? You’re breaking up with me? an increased spending of half a percent. two Imperial students, Bradley Jones and Phil- prop trading. The former is what most gradu- ip Heurich, both mathematicians in their fi nal ates starting at a major investment bank will and second years respectively. Consequently, be doing in their fi rst years. But interestingly from UCL, winning a grand prize of £1,000. they have founded the trading simulations enough, the simulations currently out there fo- Our very own Imperial investment bank team and software company Dynamic Simulations, cus mostly on prop trading” said the other half followed to take the runner-up spot and secure Portugal – the next economy to which aims to take the product they have cre- of the Dynamic Simulations team, Philip Heu- a £500 prize. To win the challenge it takes more bite the dust? ated specifi cally for the game and bring it to rich. What is the real difference between the than just the ability to read the markets: com- market. “Having taken part in numerous trad- two types of trading? Simplifi ed, prop trading munication and networking skills are vital. The ing simulations and comparing those with the means that you are given a lump sum of money winning teams displayed all the necessary skills The small, maligned, peripheral nation of Portugal is experience of working on a real trading fl oor and buy or sell assets with it; fl ow trading is making this type of event a great opportunity for newsworthy again after managing to borrow €1.25 – the contrasts between the two is unavoid- when an entity, such as an Investment Bank, is the recruiting fi rms to spot talent. The event as a billion in a bond auction comprising four and ten able. It was at this point we knew there was creating a market by joining buyers and sellers whole went incredibly smoothly and has helped year notes. The average yield on the 10 year security a gap in the market”, says Bradley Jones. The and enabling them to trade the quantities they Imperial’s Finance Society cement itself as an was 6.7%, a welcome decrease from the 7.3% high two main differences between the simulation are looking for. Naturally, it would be of inter- innovative, experienced and market-leading the markets were previously pricing. that featured in the UIBS competition and its est to potential future traders in the investment player on a national scale. Smeet Shah, study- While Portugal vehemently denies the need for a competitors are signifi cant. Firstly, the market banking industry to get in contact with the par- ing Accounting and Finance at the University of bailout, pickings are slim and the country does not behind each security is dynamic. That is to say ticular challenges that fl ow trading poses. The Manchester said, “My dad is a stock broker and have much room for choice. Some analysts back that the prices of the traded instruments can be game hosted by the fi nance society serves this this competition gave me a feel of his work life. I Portugal noting the significant differences in the pre- infl uenced by the players’ actions. In this way, exact purposed and provides students up and have played similar trading competitions before viously bailed out troubled nations of Greece and the players really can ‘move the market’. This down the country the chance to get as close to but this was the best of all.” Ireland. is based on an algorithm that takes into account the real thing as possible. It is great to see Imperial clubs and societies Other analysts, however, believe that Portugal’s the underlying trend, the volume currently in After 6 hours and 35 minutes of intense work actively engaging in collaboration and compe- situation is indeed dire and that if the country’s bor- the market and the absolute size of the trade. A on trade deals and analyzing markets, the par- tition with other leading UK universities. It is a rowing costs do not decrease it may find itself in a player placing a large order will undoubtedly ticipants were happy to have experienced the competition that the Finance Society certainly position where it will be difficult to keep up efforts to move the price of the traded security higher. excitement of the fl oor and have learned what hopes to see running again next year. Imperial, reduce its deficit. The game splits teams into hedge funds and fl ow trading is all about. The overall winner remember the age old adage of “buy low, sell investment banks and focuses more specifi cally of the UIBS challenge was a hedge fund team high”.

16 Friday 14 January 2011 FELIX

Politics Editors: Rory Fenton James Lees, Rajat Jain POLITICS [email protected] The world beyond College walls New Year’s Resolutions Rajat Jain & Joseph Letts consider what 2011 holds for world leaders. And Nick Clegg... Ivory Coast Silvio Berlusconi ernment members step down has done of his people, and staying in control a terrible number on the stability of his of his country, business empire and At least fi ve people have been killed in clashes Well 2010 certainly has been an inter- government and it seems only a matter health (he is 74), I’d say he has quite between supporters of presidential rivals in Ivory esting year for the Italian Prime Min- of time before things begin to collapse. a busy year ahead. Of course he also Coast. The Governor of Abidjan has been quoted as ister. Barely surviving several votes of And of his New Year’s Resolutions? might try to spend the year coaxing his saying that the dead included three policemen and no confi dence throughout the year and Well between trying his best not to be female ministers to wear tighter shorts two civilians. The violence in Abidjan comes after having his coalition partner Gianfran- tried for corruption and tax fraud, try- as well. Life really is hard sometimes a UN Security Council Resolution deploring the vio- co Fini and four other coalition gov- ing to win back the love and confi dence isn’t it? lence in Ivory Coast in the aftermath of November’s presidential election. Incumbent President Gbagbo has refused to cede power to Mr Ouattara despite international pressure. He has also ruled out the for- Nick Clegg credible party hinges on the success of preference in their traditional Liberal mation of a national unity Government with Mr Ouat- the Alternative Vote referendum on the strongholds. Yet, if Clegg’s war against tara. Ivory Coast is divided between the North, which The Deputy Prime Minister and 5th May. Some accuse Clegg sold his the Conservative’s over the referendum supports Mr Ouattara, and the South, which supports Leader of the Liberal Democrats has a soul to the Conservatives to gain this is too successful, it could destroy the Gbagbo, and is becoming increasingly destabilised. tough balancing act to follow. With his referendum. To lose would not only re- credibility of the coalition completely. popularity over the past twelve months duce the possible Commons gains from No doubt Clegg is hoping Vince Cable rising and falling faster than a G6, the being a popular second preference, but will think before he speaks during the future of the Liberal Democrats as a even possibly eliminate them as fi rst next four months. China Asif Ali Zardari Zadari! The assassination of the Gov- whether to revoke blasphemy laws and Chinese President ernor of Pakistan’s Punjab Province, face growing social tensions, riots and Hu Jintao confirmed With his coalition government formal- Salman Taseer, on the 4th of January, increased militancy. The alternative is the test flight of a ly intact and old corruption charges re- has left Pakistan facing a dangerous to allow the continued persecution of Chinese J-20 stealth lating to corporate kickbacks dropped tear in its social fabric. The traditional- Christians and anger Pakistan’s hard- fighter during a on the basis of diplomatic immunity, it ly Liberal and moderate Pakistan Peo- fought-for Western allies. Asif Ali meeting with Robert looked like this was going to be a good ple’s Party, of which both the President Zardari has another extremely tough Gates, the US De- year for the Pakistani president. As if and late Governor belong, must decide year ahead of him. fence Secretary. Rob- ert Gates is on a three day visit to Beijing set amidst a backdrop of increasing US concerns towards Chi- na’s rapidly modernising military. America is current- Barack Obama on Jan 25th. For 2011 President Obama matic cables by Wikileaks, and the ef- ly the only country with an operating stealth fighter, has a tough battle ahead after the fect this might have on the resolution although China and Russia are known to be working At the start of every year, the incum- change in composition of the House of of American intervention in Afghani- on prototypes. The Chinese stealth fighter is not ex- bent President of the United States Representatives in the 2010 Midterm stan. Also, after the horrifi c shootings pected to be operational until 2017-19. Meanwhile, holds a State of the Union speech. Here Elections, leading to the Democrats in Arizona last week, the President and the Chinese Defence Minister stressed, in an inter- he discusses the current position of the losing the controlling share of seats. Government might decide to stir the view on state television, that Chinese research and country and what he expects to achieve The President also has to deal with the ongoing passion-fi lled debate about development of weapons posed no threat to any in the year ahead, with the next being fallout from the publication of diplo- changes to national gun-control laws. country.

Mahinda Rajapaksa Tamils. He claims 5000 former rebels Tamil National Alliance, the main are held in prison camps. Signs are, Tamil party. However, tensions still Haiti Following the end of the 25-year civil however, promising; 100 have been exist. With Human Rights groups not war with Tamil rebels and the electoral freed and have claimed they were given access to much of the old rebel defeat of Gen. Fonseka, who lead the treated well and education of former stronghold, Wikileaks accusations of The Organisation of American States have asked campaign to defeat the rebels, 2010 rebels to help them fi nd jobs and in- massacres and questions over electoral Haiti’s ruling party candidate to withdraw from the was good for the Sri Lankan president. tegrate into society has begun. The fraud, mending Sri Lankan society run-off round in the race for the bitterly-contested But he must spend 2011 integrating the President has also begun talks with will hardly be an easy task. presidency, according to a draft obtained by AP. This threatens to increase tensions in a Haiti devas- tated by an earthquake last year. The ruling party’s candidate Jude Celestin narrowly came ahead of pop Evo Morales has had the effect of causing a fall in oil trade union protests which caused the singer Michael Martelly in November’s election. Rene production, an increase in demand and government to quickly rescind the mea- Preval, Haiti’s President, has said that he does not Who? Eva Mendes? No, Evo Morales therefore an increase in oil importation. sure. However, as the new year breaks favour any candidate; however, evidence showing is the President of Bolivia and leader of With the cost of this hitting the Boliv- into a run this leaves President Morales Jude Celestin has lost must be produced. Most Hai- the Movement for Socialism party. He ian government with a $360m bill last with the diffi cult task of offsetting the tians are increasingly desperate for a solution to the has had a rather arduous 2010. Since year and possibly a forecasted $660m horrendous cost of subsidising fuel and growing humanitarian crisis and want a strong gov- fuel prices were frozen in Bolivia since this year, President Morales tried to stimulating the low production levels ernment to guide Haiti. 2006, citizens have been protected end the fuel subsidies and increase the of oil without bankrupting either the Edited by Kenneth Lee from the pain of increasing oil prices price of petrol by 73% last December. national coffers or his people. Bon for the last 4 years. Unfortunately this But this led to bus operator strikes and chance, matey! FELIX Friday 14 January 2011 17 POLITICS South Sudan: democracy amidst chaos The people of South Sudan look set to determine their own future

Rory Fenton

On Sunday, the Southern region of Af- rica’s largest country started voting in a week-long referendum on whether or not to become the world’s newest coun- try. You only have to look at a map of Su- dan to see how unlikely it was that the country should have ever been unifi ed. British and Egyptian colonialists left their trademark straight lines on much of its border, creating Africa’s largest country. The state entered into the lon- gest civil war in African history just one IsPicture the open based palm voting the Sudanesecards version of the two-fi ngered salute? year before its independence in 1956. The war, chiefl y between its Muslim North and Christian/ Animist (a tribal tal Khartoum which lies in the North. ture based voting form will help - two tradition) South, claimed 2 million lives; They also feel that the North has being hands clasped means continued unity, fi nally ending in 2005 with a peace ac- making disproportionate gains from oil one hand held up means separation. Pro-independence rallies are a daily occurance in Juba, the South’s capital cord between the two sides, bringing fi elds in the South. Squabbling over Signs are promising; although the with it the promise of a referendum on the details of the promised referendum President of Sudan, Omar Al-Bashir, has Southern independence which began only increased tensions between the warned that the South faces instability if bours are preparing reluctantly for the forgiveness of some of the country’s last Sunday, the results of which are ex- two sides. it separates, he has also said he will ac- probable secession; the most turbulent $40 billion debt could ease economic pected at the end of the month. Few people doubt that the South will cept the decision and will help the new parts of both Kenya and Uganda are tensions but the deep problems in the Independence has long been a desire vote for independence. The required state in whatever way they require. those that border Sudan and this move is region will be far from resolved after for the country’s South who cite not just threshold of a 60% turnout was reached Nevertheless, the international com- unlikely to stabilise the area. the vote, however it falls. But there are the religious differences with the North by Wednesday – no simple task with il- munity will be watching the vote closely. The North will not happily lose the also fears that without the incentive of but also that a recent economic boom, literacy at over 80% in the South making The UN already has 10,000 peace keep- South, the oil fi elds of which are a lucra- appeasing the less socially conservative as well as much of international aid, communication diffi cult. Supporters of a ing troops in the country, not including tive source of revenue. The international South, North Sudan will become an in- was centred around the country’s capi- secession hope that the simplifi ed, pic- those in Darfur, and the country’s neigh- community can play its part here – the creasingly authoritarian Islamic state. The Euro is on life support: will Germany turn it off?

Tomokazu Miyamoto out plans. To make matters worse, even 50% or more. 12% and Portugal’s 11% in 2010. though the EU, led by Germany, saves Eight years ago, Argentina defaulted Irvin is not the only person who rec- “We can abandon the euro if our pro- all these countries, an essential problem on the major part of its sovereign debt ommends that Greece should abandon posal is refused.” Angela Merkel, the has not been resolved. As readers know, and survived quite well. Many econo- the euro. Ivan Miklos, the Slovac fi - German chancellor, said to George Pa- unlike the UK, in the present euro sys- mists predicted that Argentina’s debt de- nance minister, said “Greece and Portu- pandreou, the Greece prime minister, tem each country which belongs to the fault would result in currency collapse, gal would be better off in a long run if during dinner at the EU summit in Brus- eurozone cannot print euro banknotes to hyperinfl ation and even greater econom- they didn’t share the euro.” Miklos also sels last October. The summit was held pay their governmental debts since all ic contraction than it had endured during said that the economies of the two na- to discuss the euro crisis and a plan to monetary policies, such as issuing euro its 1999-2002 recession. Instead, after tions and other southern eurozone coun- bail out Ireland. Merkel had demanded banknotes in the Eurozone, are made by the 2001-02 debt default and subsequent tries were not fi t enough for the euro, a new legislation stating that bailed- the European Central Bank (ECB), and devaluation against the dollar (from 1:1 Does the Euro measure up? pointing out defects in the present euro out countries should lose certain voting therefore, whenever a nation in the euro- to 3:1), GDP grew at over 8% per annum system. Petr Necas, the prime minister rights in EU councils. Since it is only zone hits a fi scal brink, the debt problem over the period 2003-2007 and annual it recover from a recession. Unfortu- of the Czech Republic, said that nobody Germany that can pay a large amount of requires the ECB and the EU (particu- infl ation fell from over 10% per month nately, in the eurozone, many countries could force his country to join the eu- money as a bailout, the country is asked larly Germany) to pay up. in early 2002 to less than 10% per an- which have small-sized economies can- rozone, and that it was solely up to the to bear the greatest burden whenever a The more serious the euro crisis be- num.” not benefi t from this devaluation. Thus Czechs’ will. According to a poll last debt crisis happens. Such unfairness has comes, the more fragile the partnership He thinks that choosing to default and Iceland, which has its own currency, the October, nearly 70% of Czech citizens certainly made the German populace among eurozone countries becomes. abandoning the euro are better than sub- Iceland krona, is in a slightly better eco- oppose dropping their own currency. uncomfortable, but insisting on the loss Now, we may well consider what the mitting to the ferocious and pro-cyclical nomic situation than PIIGS. The island Describing the merit of controlling their of EU council voting rights was opposed best solution for the debt problem of conditionality imposed by Germany and country in the North Atlantic Ocean was own currency, he also said that entering by many other EU governments. PIIGS (Portugal, Italy, Ireland, Greece the International Monetary Fund (IMF) in default in 2008, and the current ac- the euro now, or even setting a target The other reason why Germany sug- and Spain) is. George Irvin, a colum- – cutting its budget defi cit by 11% count balance was 15% of its GDP, and date, would be political and economic gested that quitting the euro was an op- nist of guardian.co.uk, said “Greece over three years in return for a €120bn then devaluation of krona improved its foolishness. tion may be that the bailout of Ireland is could follow Argentina’s example in (£104bn) loan. His opinion is convinc- export as well as the current account bal- If Greece leaves the euro system, oth- not the end of a sequence of bailout ac- 2001-02, and default on the bulk of its ing. In general, devaluation caused by ance to 3.7% of its GDP in 2009. The er nations may follow. If many of them tions which started with Greece. Spain sovereign debt. This would mean aban- an increase in the monetary base in a unemployment of Iceland worsened to quit the euro, the currency will disap- and Portugal will soon have the same doning the euro, introducing a “new country makes the country more com- 8% in 2010, but it is still better than pear. Anyway, the year 2010 was the debt problem, and they will call for bail- drachma” and probably devaluing by petitive in terms of exports, which helps Spain’s 20%, Ireland’s 14%, Greece’s turning point for that currency. 18 Friday 14 january 2011 felix

C omment Editor: Anna Perman

COM M ENT [email protected] FELIX Angry New Year Imperial needs to learn Worrying about self improvement is a waste of time, so that ‘affordable’ forget about it, go enjoy yourself, but read this first... is not a dirty word Benjamin Kennedy

Affordable. It is hardly a glamorous word. It does not make the heart race nor the mouth salivate. It implies a sort of glum settlement; when your shallow pockets deny you your de- sires, go for ‘affordable’. It is not a word that springs to one’s mind when thinking about Imperial College London. Nestled in the regal South Kensington environment, our universi- ty, with its history, buildings and international reputation, is the complete antithesis to the Angry Geek emotions evoked by the word ‘affordable’. The new postgraduate halls in Clapham Junction are certainly not affordable. £235 appy New Year folks. per week will be attractive to certain students Contractual obligations but the majority will rightly balk at spending mean I must make at least around £12,000 on rent in one year. For com- one joke about not fulfill- parison, an average PhD stipend is around ing resolutions in the first £15-16,000. Hissue of the year, so here it is right now: This is not to say that they are bad value for I like my resolutions like I like my awk- money, unnecessary or a bad investment for ward man-hugs. Well-meaning initially the College Fund. Griffon Studios is clearly a and…not drawn out? high-quality product, there is a market for the I’m not sure where I’m going with You’re all going to die! Well as soon as Death arrives, which might be a while, there are delays on the circle line... halls – even if it is an exclusive one – and that. This is why we don’t do resolutions Felix will support sensible efforts to make Im- pieces any more. That, and there’s al- perial richer; as Imperial grows wealthier, so ways someone making a computer mon- its students receive a better service. itor joke. Anyone making a joke about out, would’ve had a pretty sorry pre- But the fact that the College Fund and the 4:3 aspect ratios really needs to take a diction. AGGRESSIVE INFECTION Dying from ‘old age’ could be Accommodation Service are expecting inter- long, hard look at where their lives went FROM HEROIN OVERUSE or some- passing away peacefully at national postgraduates to make up the bulk wrong. thing similar. of residents at Griffon Studios reveals a truth Anyway, that’s my job description I suppose we desire to know how eighty, or being bludgeoned to about Imperial. Namely that overseas stu- fulfilled until there’s another big news we’ll die because we think we might be dents, who make up a significant proportion story about governments that I have to able to avert it or prevent it. The story’s death by a pensioner in a bus of our student body, are more demanding of roll my eyes at. Let’s talk books. I’ve crux is that we cannot. Knowing our quality and convenience – and more able to been reading ‘Machine Of Death’, a fate doesn’t give us the power to change“ stop queue pay for it – as well as being much less willing charming tome about the future and our it, and the happiest stories in the book to settle for ‘affordable’. death. It’s a collection of short stories all revolve around people who accept that With a large number of international stu- wrapped around the same premise - that rather than panicking over what might dents who rightly demand some bang for a machine exists that can tell you the become of them. want to talk resolutions. A lot of people their buck and a disproportionate number of manner in which you are going to die. I don’t like funerals, but I’ve had a seem to obsess over them at this time of privately educated home students, are we at Not when. Not where. Not even specifi- steady stream of them over the last few year, which is why we get that familiar all surprised that Imperial opts for the sort of cally how - a diagnosis of OLD AGE years. Certainly, family ones became an- host of commentary” on them. I imagine glitzy infrastructure that leaps from the page could be passing away peacefully at the nual events, but there have been depart- most of the Felix readership didn’t make of a brochure? age of eighty, or it could mean being mental ones, and a friend’s too. The chap them but feel they should have done; Of course not. However, Imperial should not bludgeoned to death by a pensioner in a who was laid to rest this week had been that perhaps another year has passed turn its back on ‘affordable’ entirely. London bus stop queue. sitting at my father’s funeral not so long without any obvious self-improvement is an extremely expensive city in which to at- It’s a great premise. It’s a great prem- ago, reminiscing with me about life and or dream-achieving. tend university and student concern about ise because of the many things peo- how unfair it was that someone should Our illustrious comment editor said rising debt is becoming more and more of an ple wish they knew in life - the lottery die at that age. Irony is something that is that she hoped we might have some pos- issue. Extra efforts must be made to ensure numbers, the difference between the rarely lost on the universe, I guess. itive messages for the start of the year. that students from poor and middle-class two flavours of coffee on offer in Star- Many of the stories in ‘Machine of I’m not big on them generally, so here’s backgrounds, and those who do not receive bucks - the manner in which they would Death’ reference groups that either pro- my contribution, seeing as it’s 2011 and financial support from their family, are not de- die must surely be on a lot of people’s test against the machine, or vehemently all: self–improvement can start whenev- terred by high-living costs or drowned in part- lists. It also turns out to be a good way refuse to use them or be tested in any er, and your dreams will still be achiev- time work. to bring out interesting ideas in writers. way. They declare that “life is for living” able in ten years time. Kiss goodbye to Which means that Imperial must start to Everything from medical dramas to high and knowledge of their death would resolutions for another few months, and get more comfortable with the word afford- school frustrations; from the absurdity only curse them mentally. I imagine go and enjoy being alive. Laugh at peo- able. It would be nice if we could all afford of EXHAUSTION FROM SEX WITH a lot of people have that feeling when ple buying sandwiches in Pret. Order a high-quality accommodation but the truth is A MINOR as a prediction to the unset- reading the book; that they wouldn’t use round of tap water for everyone in the that many of us, including international and tling forecast of DESPAIR as the cause such a machine if it existed, no matter Have your say on Union bar. And for Christ’s sake, stop privately educated students, quite enjoy hav- of death. how darkly interesting it might be. worrying. Plenty of time to worry about ing that little bit extra in our pockets. The poor sod whose coffin I stood Which kind of takes me back around this article at death and old age another day. next to earlier this week, reading a poem to the opening, and how I said I didn’t felixonline.co.uk Next week - fuck you all, I hate you.

felix Friday 14 january 2011 19

The opinions expressed on the Comment pages represent the views of the author only. COMMENT

Life Sciences must Cut-price foods make me happy change, not chop

hristmas has now come there’s only so much irony allowed on tirely different lives. I would never have and gone, hopefully ful- tombstones. But he’d die happy, gorging tried Irish Soda Bread if I had not seen I was impressed with the way filling its promise as a on the finest Taste the Difference pies it stickered in a Sainsbury’s aisle, nor the Life Sciences cuts issue time of goodwill to all and loving every morsel of difference Potato Farls if I hadn’t spied them cheap was reported in Felix last term. people. According to A he tasted. in Tesco. I’d never have ponced about I am no journalist, I prefer to CChristmas Carol, it is a time when rich Oh Truck-like Tim how I can relate like some chocolate aficionado whilst beat them than join them, as a people should have been kind and gen- to thee! Are there any greater joys of a munching on my Gü torte, nor would I rule, but I was impressed with erous to the poor as, statistically at least; modern existence than stumbling across have been sorely disappointed by those the way it confronted the issue many of them are people too! top deals in the Reduced Price food sec- trendy Covent Garden soups that had head on, as good journalism But social contact and friendly manner tion of a supermarket? And unlike the always tempted me with their homely, should. is, like, so pre-internet. Luckily we have short-lived high of TCS™, it is a pleas- wholesome packaging. Bizarre bakery Various people have de- Omar Hafeez-Bore The Christmas Sales™ (TCS) instead ure that remains throughout the year: blooms, gluten-free peanut squares or scribed the cuts to Life Sci- to act as a once-yearly border crossing Cheap offers are for life, not just for soya milk chocolate milkshakes, all have ences and damaging and un- between the tiers of society, without the Christmas. been little tastes of other price-ranges, necessary. This I agree with. need for anything as embarrassing as But some people are blind to the power lands or incurable chronic bowel condi- When a Head of Department talking with posh folk or as potentially of those small yellow labels, taking just tions. Each one allows me a little bit of is left with a hole the size of disease-catching as mixing with the a cursory look at what is on offer and, role play, whether stepping into the shoes the Lehmann Brothers in his poor. Boxing day is for (wo)men of all worse; only looking out for the random of a Ryvita–buying yummy mummy or budget, it seems a bit rummy “Are there any colours, creed and class to queue up as freak occurrence that something on their the (frankly tasteless) microwave crab for teaching staff to be com- equals; equally desperate for deals and, usual shopping list has been reduced. ready meal of some time-pressed urban prehensively shat on in order greater joys of a suddenly, equally able to afford them. This is the grocery equivalent of being yuppie. Each one has been a culinary to make up the difference. I Indeed, if A Christmas Carol was set offered cut-price flights to Fiji, but leav- education and often, a pleasant surprise. am not going to say I feel sorry modern existence nowadays Tiny Tim would never have ing them because they aren’t ‘Costa Del Do not be disheartened this year if you for this HoD for the decision the chance to die from hunger and sick- Sol like you’re used to’. don’t get that jacket you wanted in the he must make, these sorts of than the Reduced liness. He’d die from being an over-fed Instead, one should appreciate that TCS™. All year round we are blessed things were part of what mid- fatso gagging on all the cut-price mince humble reduction-sticker-gun for what it by big corporations and a Santa’s sack dle and senior management is Price section of a pies selling like hot-cakes (also on offer) really is, a hole-punch for social groups, load of gifts and goodies for us little like. in Sainsbury’s after chrimbo. He prob- creating little portals through which drop people. So – we have a budgetary supermarket?” ably wouldn’t even be called ‘Tiny’ as reduced-price consumables from en- Thank you Tesco. cock-up and staff we do not want to lose. What do we do? There are various possible ac- tions – cut the pay of all aca- demic staff by perhaps £5k/ annum. This, for those who do not watch ‘Yes, Prime min- 2011: A Space Odyssey... I wish ister’ is also known as ‘Politi- cian’s logic’. Something must be done, this is something, appy New Year to you But this doesn’t feel like the future would also like to take this oppor- therefore we must do it. Sound all! It’s nice to know that, because we’re also missing some essen- tunity to respond to Jamie Henry’s about right for the current as a species, we’ve man- tials. We have lasers, sure, but they’ve I response to one of my letters last proposals? aged to make it through yet to trickle down to the man on the term. Mr Henry was upset by some of I hope that the senior man- another year without de- street, and just where are the robots?! I my remarks on the St. John Ambulance. agement in Life Sciences stud- Hstroying ourselves. Well done. can see how these things could be used He found my remarks to be in poor hu- ied natural selection, so they There can be no doubt now that we are for less–than–benign purposes and with mour and I’m sorry that he thinks that. might be able to see where this living in the future. We have, by some humanity’s collective propensity to, as But that letter, as is most of what I argument is going – perhaps people’s (anachronistic) standards, su- Gandhi put it, be a dick – something, I write, was intended to be humorous. It is they should attend the lectures percomputers that we can carry in our fear, that won’t change in 2011 – I think impossible to amuse all the people all of given by the teaching staff they pockets; for food, we have nutritious we might be better off without them for the time and I apologise if I have missed want to axe, while they still and delicious meals that can be recon- the time being. a beat, as it were. can. Academics, just like eve- Rhys Davies stituted in an instant; for entertainment, But jet–packs are all right. In fact, However, I will reiterate the tone of ryone else, need to move with we can watch programmes in greater they’re better than all right, they’re re- that letter, one I feel I made transpar- the times, need to evolve and resolutions and in more dimensions than ally cool! Admit it. Who hasn’t dreamt ently clear, that the SJA do provide a improve. This does not need exist in real life. of flying through the skies like a bird, fantastic service and, as a keen run- to be cutting away prime flesh. But there’s still one thing I want to laughing at the puny mortals down be- ner for charity, I am grateful for their Ironically I happen to know know: Where’s my jet–pack? low? Mwahaha! presence. that several of those whom This is most definitely the future. Megalomania aside, they would offer While people fear illness and injury, they want to axe are aware of We’re ten years from a Space Odyssey yet another mode to commute to col- some fear doctors, and by extension, this need to modernise, and and fourteen years on from when Skynet lege – this would be especially pertinent the SJA, far more. Illogical I know, but have actively tried to bring this took over the world (that was a particu- when the Tube goes on strike... again. this is the fear I was relating to in my about. larly bad day). We are currently living in Perhaps most important of all, the skies letter. I don’t think I need to tell the middle of a science–fiction writer’s are the one place you are guaranteed to Once again, Mr. Henry, I am sorry if you that I think this proposed fantasies. So why doesn’t it feel like the be safe from the commuter’s deadliest I have offended you (or anyone else) restructure is all wrong, but future? predator, the leopards. with my letter. My intention has only now perhaps we have a con- “But there’s still one I think it’s partly due to the past/pre- Without jet-packs, we might as well ever been to be lightly humorous. I structive basis for a different sent only becoming the future very in- be living in the past, which from the fu- hope this response goes some ways to- way of tackling the underlying thing I want to know: sidiously, creeping up so slowly that we ture’s perspective is the present, where wards making amends. problems. These cuts are not don’t notice. We’re surrounded by so most people think we’re living already. P.S. Please don’t call me Mr. Davies. the only option. where’s my jet– many amazing innovations and inven- Such a shame, but who knows – maybe It makes me sound like a Physics teach- tions that arrived so gradually we don’t 2011 will be the year of the jet–pack? er, a misconception I would hate to Samuel Furse pack?” realise how amazing they actually are. I can only dream. perpetuate. Snowsports You would think that they would wrap up in Society the cold... Do you want to do a centrefold? Email [email protected] 22 Friday 14 january 2011 felix

Comment Editor: Anna Perman

COMMENT [email protected] Prince Philip: My family and New Year, same old you... other animals elf-improvement can and should be done yourself achievable goals. I’m not here to give advice at any time. Needing an arbitrary start about weight loss because it’s been in the public do- date for the “new you” is pretty pathetic main for a long time now. I’m here to tell you to stop t may be a surprise that you find me since you were more than aware of your being a namby pamby. (Same as “man up” but not so in this pokey newspaper, so let me flaws already, weren’t you? That bit of overused that people ignore it.) elucidate. During the festive season, Sflab is nothing new even if you christen it “Christmas We’ve all heard that it’s better to “eat little but of- I spotted a copy of Felix residing by excess”. New Year’s resolutions conveniently allow ten”. The physiological benefit of this approach is one of the house/palace windows. I you to delay change until the beginning of the fol- irrelevant here because seemingly rational people flickedI through a few pages to be simply lowing year. choose to translate this into eating as many meals and aghast at the clap trap rubbish contained Now, if you made the change at New Year’s and snacks as is socially acceptable in a day. More when within, not excluding the hideous speci- Alex Nowbar stuck with it perhaps I could come to terms with the they think no–one is looking. To them, it means “have men gurning at me from the centerfold – idea of New Year’s resolutions, but between you, me as many portions as you want as long as they are all isn’t it odd that at a university of mostly and that lamppost, it’s not going to last. The chances small”. They seem to miss the point, which is “EAT chaps, you have pictures of naked males of keeping New Year’s resolutions are slim; it’s often LESS, PIGS!” in your paper? It’s all rather how’s-your- said that most people have broken theirs by the end I suppose knowing what is best for oneself, but father in a queerish way if you ask me. At of January. I get a huge kick out of using the word being too lazy and greedy to act upon it, is merely Ieast, I think it was a man. But you never “slim”, as weight loss is what I really want to whine a part of the human condition. It is human nature know with scientists. “I’m not here to about. and no–one is perfect, least of all myself. I admit that I asked the footman, Cardell, where this Eat less, exercise more. Why do so many wannabe- short–term pleasures are sweet and doing what’s best garbage came from. It transpires his son give advice about fit people try and escape this mantra? When people in the long term is a dry, dry prospect in comparison. is studying entrepreneurship at Imperial. say it’s easy to lose weight and get fit, they are lying, However, the important thing is not to lie to your- Aside from the contradiction in terms such weight-loss. I’m because they are advertising weight loss regimes. It’s self (and others) about what you are actually “re- a degree presents (quite how one is sup- not easy; abs don’t come from nowhere. As with most solved” to do. The gym at Ethos is an absolute haven posed to develop maverick, out-of-the-box here to tell you to things, you would like to wriggle out of the hard work and you have a fair idea of what a healthy balanced thinking by being pontificated to by failed involved. diet consists of, so just get on with it. Bridget Jones businessmen is beyond me), I realised that man up!” But you already know all the advice, e.g. setting may have been able to get away with it but you can’t. this was my chance to do something for so- ciety, as my little cauliflower keeps insist- ing, and I would bestow you fortunate lot with my weekly wisdom. I imagine your holidays were affected by Letters: Life Sciences cuts Heathrow’s decision to close after a pithy 2mm snow drizzle. I hated having to endure the moaning of all those ghastly foreign- ers on the television – I mean, couldn’t Dear Sir, Dear Sir, Dear Sir, BAA just get them to help shift the snow or shoot the lot? And I can only hope the I recall when I was campaigning against the Whether one is at a college, school or univer- We first year biochemists recently held a dis- plebs at BA soon dismiss Willie Walsh – education cuts, our union and our newspaper’s sity, there is always bound to be a group of aca- cussion of the proposed restructure. This letter that pea-headed, penis-named executive. editorial stance was in support of them on the demia that would go the extra mile far beyond is the product of our collective concerns. These This whole country is becoming a tad of an basis that STEM subjects would be hit less (Fe- their call of duty. issues are all the more pressing in light of the animal farm, one far darker and more ter- lix. 22/10/10). The message, I felt, was a selfish The dedication shown by these individuals recent vote to maintain the current proposals. rifying than anything George Orwell could one; cut others rather than us and we’re happy. towards us students was not only seen at the Our primary concern is the redundancy of fathom Even regarding tuition fees I’ve heard so many lecture theatre. Coming to Imperial College 16 members of the Life Sciences department. But enough about your holiday. Mine was people tell me that they won’t be protesting be- was my first time being completely independ- Together, they account for roughly 25% of all horrendous. Some Irish acquaintances vis- cause it doesn’t affect them personally. ent and away from home for long periods of teaching. We can’t see how standards of teach- ited, all naturally lacking a native accent. Imagine my surprise when last week’s Fe- time. I was enchanted by the city that is Lon- ing will be maintained when those left will un- They were very down – I did point out that lix went into a panic about the Life Sciences don and drifted away from my main purpose derstandably be more concerned about their re- offering free handouts of cheddar to the restructure. It’s shameful that our newspaper of coming to London, to study. I barely passed search than their teaching, let alone improved. poor was never going to prevent the finan- seems happy to watch others suffer cuts but goes my first major exam in February as a result of We were told that no plans concerning teach- cial collapse of their country. into a frenzy - printing no less than four articles my fascination towards this city and my lack of ing can be made without a teaching review. Yet And Charlie kept harping on in bufferish - criticising the move and the entire front page interest in studying. we were also guaranteed that there would be no indignation about all that climate change dedicated to it, when we ourselves are threat- However, when going through the examina- change in breadth and depth of the course. To gibberish. He’s always been a bit thick, not ened. If we’re so apathetic, hypocritical and tion paper with Dr. Hartley, he reminded me conduct this from a financial and research per- much of a stickler for science. First he was self-interested, we cannot expect others to sup- why I chose Biochemistry in the first place. At spective seems short–sighted and irresponsible. talking to plants, next he was saying we will port us. The ruling elite will always try divide- this time, I doubted my abilities in Biochemis- Not only will future applicants be discouraged all die by drowning. and-conquer tactics, we must have solidarity. try but he had faith that if I tried I could do bet- from coming to Imperial, but so will potential As for his horse-faced wife, she was still ter. This belief from another person who barely staff and researchers. in shock about being poked in the eye by Regards, knew me, yet was so sure and confident that I We believe that the process lacked transpar- some lower class yobbos. I was quite glad Jakov Marelic would succeed in Biochemistry definitely gave ency. For example we have not yet received a about the whole affair, and it’s not the only me the boost I needed. copy of the review panel fidings. There was place I would have prodded her. She’s quite The college and I have been privileged with also a feeling of outrage at the announcement the farter, I tell you. If you think the Iraq Dear Jakov, the Editorial you refer to merely the presence of this group of scientists who being on the 3/12 giving little time for con- war stinks, you know nothing of Camilla’s warned Imperial students against asking carry such passion and dedication towards the structive debate. posterior. Makes one feel for feel for Tony “What’s the fuss about?” as STEM subjects sciences. So thank you, to this fine group of Finally, it is discouraging to those of us look- Blair – just imagine having to endure sitting are relatively unaffected by the cuts. In ad- scientists for inspiring and reminding me about ing to pursue research and teaching if this is next to a trumpeting John Prescott in all of dition, Felix has covered the cuts and student my passion and faith for the sciences. how top institutions treat some of their best those cabinet meetings. protests extensively. The issue preceding the staff. As one protester put it, ‘today’s students Life Sciences coverage had no less than 5 sto- Varshana Rajasekaran are tomorrow’s researchers’ ries about the student protests, rising student 2nd year Biochemist. debt and the cuts to higher education. Editor. First Year Biochemistry Undergraduates

24 Friday 14 January 2011 FELIX CLUBS & SOCIETIES What’s On

Ashura Awareness Week (AAW) The most

The AhlulBayt Islamic Society will be focussing on the contemporary problem of the elderly and oft-ne- wonderful time glected population during Ashura Awareness Week. From the 17th of January to the 21st, they will run a series of stalls, lectures, nursing home visits and discussion circles in order to develop practical ways of the year to appreciate and benefi t from the experiences, wis- dom and insight of elderly people and interact with them on a meaningful basis. While the rest of the country The week also seeks to highlight: “– the plight of the elderly population waited for fl ights at Heathrow, the – what we as students can do to learn from the wealth of experience, wisdom and information from our parents, grandparents and elders Outdoor Club headed for the Lake – the teachings of Islam and other faiths on awak- ening our responsibility towards our elders” District. Thea Powell reports

The main event of the week is a lecture by Sayed Nahdi Modarresi on Tuesday that includes poetry by Brother Nouri Sardar. 6pm in G34, SAF. Day the First: and go back to sleep on that very white and spooky M6. I woke to an even whiter M6 (Lord The Day We Didn’t Sleep of the Rings had fi nally ended), and rumours of movement were circulating. It was 3.45am. On a chilly Winter day (Friday the 17th of We had been stationary for 4 hours. Finally, at Healthy Living Week December to be precise), thirteen Fellwander- 4.30am, on Saturday the 18th of December, ers gathered for the Lake District Winter Tour, we started to move and there was much rejoic- blissfully unaware of the epic three days that ing. For the lorry in front of us, there was more awaited them. It didn’t take long for things to concern than rejoicing, as the driver had lost start going wrong. Our intrepid President, Sir his keys in the snow. Phil Power manoeuvred Jim Carr, blighted by a horrifi c cough, could the bus around the lorry and after 5 hours spent not leave his London residence, so we left the staring at the back of it, burning the logo into union at 5pm with one less voice to sing along our brains, we were happy to be rid of it. to the 5 CDs of Christmas music we had stock- Apparently the chap on the left is too cool for bea piled. As it was Christmas we stopped at a Tesco Day the Second (technically): Sadly Mr. Motivator won’t be coming along to which was about the size of Norway and de- unveiling rolling ridges and steep hills and a ‘work you out’. Wait a minute... Thank God! cided to buy, as well as Secret Santa gifts, a The Entrance To The Hut gorgeous lake scene below making up for the fully-fl edged Christmas dinner for Sunday bruises that we suffered. Healthy Living Week is coming to Imperial from the night. Rumours of frozen pipes at the destina- All I know about the rest of the journey to the On returning to the hut, we relaxed with some 24th-28th of January and will help all those students tion persuaded us to buy bottles and bottles of hut is that Phil was the fi rst to fall from our tasty vegetable stew and a few ales. We were struggling to keep their New Year’s resolution to go water. Despite the attempts of our new fi rst-in- company, and there was much rejoicing (be- hit with more bad news however: the pipes had running every morning or always take the stairs or command James Allan to reassure us that the cause he was staying with another group, not frozen. to stop eating Big Macs for breakfast, lunch and din- pipes wouldn’t freeze, we collectively decided because we don’t like him). ner. that it was better to be prepared, than to die of Upon reaching the hut we dumped the shop- thirst. ping, our bags, and debated the choice that Day the Third: Monday – Energia personal trainers and Veg Soci- Bad luck struck us again as we trundled along faced us: to sleep or to walk. As it was 7 in the Great Gable ety join forces to run a free nutrition seminar. Free the M6; traffi c began to form and the minibus morning, we had the compulsory porridge, and samples for vegetarians and carnivores. began to lose speed. As we slowed concerns as the sweet oats reached our stomach we ex- Tuesday – A specialist bike doctor will be offering over our progress were raised. And raised with perienced a surge of energy and decided to go Sunday morning was marked by cat-like free check-ups all day beside the bike store. There just cause, before very long we were ‘driving’ for a refreshing morning walked. The route was screeching, or as Joe and Alex liked to call it, is also a free spin session at Ethos at 2pm as well at about walking pace. At 11.30pm the traffi c decided, walk-able straight from the hut, and singing. No wonder then, despite the freezing as an organised bike ride leaving from the Queens stopped completely. It was snowing quite heav- thus we left for the fell called High Spy at 9.30 cold and lack of running water, we were up and Tower at 1pm. ily and the cars, lorries and national express am, sugar replacing sleep. ready so quickly. Wednesday – Free Chen Thai-Chi session at Ethos buses stuck with us didn’t seem to be too happy After the initial ascent, we found ‘The Mine We took the minibus to the town of Butter- at 8am followed by free Yoga at 11am. There is also about the halt. Needless to say we Fellwander- of Darkness’. The long, winding corridor with mere and made the very wise decision of a fi eld a wellbeing workshop at 12:15 in Beit Quad. ers stayed true to joy and happiness and lis- water dripping on our heads led to a large route, via the icy ascent, to a lake. After skating Thursday – From 8-9am there will be a free Shoot- tened to Radio 4’s rendition of The Lord of the opening; a dome of stone reaching high over and walking on the lake (the thrill of the thick Hoops session followed by free climbing sessions Rings. Others talked, read, or in my case, rolled our heads in the pitch black. A sudden irratio- ice clouding any concerns), we needed to make from 1-4pm. over and went to sleep. nal fear of goblins struck us and we retreated. a route decision. The sun shone over Scarfell Friday – Fitness Challenge on the Queens Lawn On waking some indeterminate time later Soon after, we discovered ‘The Cave of Won- Pike on the south slope of the mountain Great and in the Queens Tower Rooms. Prizes include: (Radio 4 told me that the Hobbits had reached der’. Full of huge icicles, the cave reached high Gable, to show us a route which could simply Sport Imperial Hoodies and tickets to QPR FC home Mordor) I realised that some intrepid explorers above us and ice engulfed every surface. The not be ignored, and there was much rejoicing. games had left the minibus stronghold to hear rumours slippery fl oor, covered in Moomins (icicle sta- The warm, steep ascent lead us to a beautiful of when we would move again, how bad the lagmites), and the ice-adorned walls were qui- scene of crystal clear skies to the west, where For free classes in Ethos e-mail ethos@imperial. crash ahead was and, in Alex the Grey’s case, to etly beautiful. After slipping around and tak- we could see the coast and the mountains ac.uk. For climbing sessions contact Victor Rodrigues walk up the M6 to attempt to see the beginning ing photos, we fi nished the ascent to a cloudy, around to the north. The lower layer of cloud [email protected]. For everything else con- of the queue. Returning as Alex the White (cov- windy peak and stopped for lunch. It was bit- sinking below us, with the sun glancing off it, tact Anthony Hennelly [email protected] ered in snow), he hadn’t seen the end. This, and terly cold, so lunch was brief and we made our made us feel on top of the world. We ate and the fact someone highlighted the problem that descent, slowed by slippery mud, rocks and took some obligatory photos, and began our none of us had crampons, made me roll over puddles. But as we descended, the cloud lifted, descent when damned bad luck had us again. FELIX Friday 14 January 2011 25 CLUBS & SOCIETIES

utiful scenery, gorgeous sunshine or even a bloody group photo. What could you possibly be phoning someone about at a moment like this?!?!?

“The warm, steep We took the wrong route down. With great care (and ice axes) we ensured our survival on the ascent lead us to shear slope – at times one just had to hope that a foot that slipped would miraculously fi nd an- a beautiful scene other rock. But the amazing views stayed with us and kept our spirits high as we all made it of crystal clear safely to the bottom. On returning to the hut, a glorious Christmas skies to the west dinner was had, with two types of gravy and where we could enough stuffi ng for 5,000. The Secret Santa gifts followed and all were appreciated, espe- see the coast” cially the shoes, ale, cheesecake and selection of cream buns. All warmed with the roaring fi re and after a second application of books and ale, we went to bed. Day th e Fourth: Amazing Blencathra Views

The last day was perhaps the most enjoyable. We woke early and made our way to one of Get involved! the most northerly Lake District mountains – Blencathra. We ascented the peak steadily and Fellwanderers run regu- the spectacular views were complimented ser- lar weekend trips to the endipitously by the rising sun. At the summit spectacular mountain the clear skies allowed us 360° views of the ranges across Britain, surrounding landscape; it was breathtakingly catering for all abili- beautiful. ties. To get involved just We made our quick descent, walking along email us at jc1908@ snow-covered fi elds back to the bus. Looking ic.ac.uk for information back at the heights that we had conquered, it on the next trip! was generally agreed that it had been a success- ful Fellwanderers Trip. I wonder what would happen if they lost that Fellwanderers banner? Would they be allowed to go on trips? 26 Friday 14 January 2011 FELIX

Arts Editor: Rox Middleton

ARTS [email protected] If you see nothing else this term... Blown away by the Soleil Daniel Desmarais Eleven weeks until the next holiday, but what should you look forward to in the meantime?

International mime festival

Perhaps a little off-beat, but I’m excited about this year’s rendition of the annual festival. Not exclusively mime, there are also performances of adult puppetry, acro- batics, animation and other ‘physical theatre‘.

15th-30th January, vari- ous venues.

Modern British Sculpture

The blockbuster art show of the term, the RA is known for its big-hitters and this is an epic retro- spective of 20th Century British sculpture with loads of big names.

22nd January-7th April, Royal Academy

Frankenstein A classic story at the National Theatre, directed by Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionaire) and co-starring Benedict Cumberbatc. It had better live up to that Nakotah Raymond Larance as the ‘Hoop Dancer’. Pretty unimaginative name if you ask me... promise. 5th February-17th April, National Theatre

Dana Li the bars to the approving “oohs” and “aahs” like one single entity – all whilst being sus- of the audience – and ‘Mr. Sparkle’, as I liked pended high off the ground. At one moment, The Wizard of Oz Totem. Avid Inception fans will immediately to call him, suspended from the ceiling of the the guy even hung from the trapeze with a part Andrew Lloyd Webber, again. think back to the object with which Dom Cobb Royal Albert Hall in the sparkly-est, glittery- of the body that is not made for hanging: his 7th February, London Palladium differentiates between the real and the imagi- est sequined bodysuit I had ever seen. Spinning neck. No wire suspension, no, none of those nary. Did it or did it not stop spinning? That away above our heads, with the light bouncing safety precautions at all. I couldn’t believe my is the question. For other Londoners, how- off his suit all around the vast room, he certain- little Chinese eyes. ever, Totem signifi es the latest touring Cirque ly added a touch of glamour to the occasion. Compared with such greatness, however, Imperial’s secret Arts’ students du Soleil show at the Royal Albert Hall. I was Oh, it was beautiful. some acts appeared rather lacklustre. The sci- Art, drama, music and dance on campus, look out lucky enough to win a pair of tickets for the Highlights - there were many - included a entist’s (Greg Kennedy) conic juggling with for... show’s premiere on January 5th and, although Native American duo that performed gravity- nine neon glow balls in a massive funnel man- I failed to rub shoulders with the celebrities in defying tricks whilst rotating at around 100 aged to emulate physics through patterning, but East Meets West (30th Jan), Afrogala (5th Feb), the stalls, I was blown away by the tremendous was hardly riveting. And the man who bounced The Vagina Monologues (7th - 11th Feb), Impe- performance. a ping pong ball off his head, shoulders, hands, rial’s own art festival Artsfest 2011 (16th-25th The show is billed as a “fascinating journey “Think Pocahontas, but toes… yawn. February), Leosoc exhibition Wreckage (2nd-10th into the evolution of mankind.” Take a scien- At the end, the circus acts gather one fi nal March), Dramsoc’s A View From the Bridge (2nd- tist who mimics Darwin with his hairy beard, a on adrenaline” time to perform a dance that has elements of 5th March), ICSM Drama James and the Giant few impressively lifelike monkeys, add an Ital- Bhangra. It was a refreshing approach to bid- Peach, MTSoc’s Return to the Forbidden Planet, ian buffoon in extra skimpy swim shorts and ding adieu and my palms glowed scarlet red Photosoc exhibition (16th-24th March) and many you’ve got the basics of the story. Well, sort mph on a platform that was, quite simply, too from excessively clapping such a brilliant more besides. Phew... of. But all that doesn’t matter because nobody small to be safe. Think Pocahontas, but on premiere. Cirque du Soleil once again revives honestly goes to the Cirque du Soleil for the adrenaline. The motion of hands moving to the classical circus show and reminds us that, plot. Death defying acrobatics, innovative live cover open mouths was reserved for one of my sometimes, the wonders at which we all marvel music, eye-catching costumes and very bright favourite acts of the night, the ‘Lovebirds’, a need not be a giant leap in science, but simply M.A.C. sponsored face make-up; that’s what duo of Canadian trapeze artists who challenged the human body pushing the limits of what we We’re still looking for reviews of your favourite it’s all about. the norms seen in your standard Russian or believe to be possible. books, so get scribbling today. Send 300 to 400 The show begins with an enormous turtle Chinese circus acts. The act plays with clumsy words to [email protected] shell shaped web – complete with amphibian- shapes (that have been rehearsed to perfection) Totem by Cirque du Soleil is on at the Roy- like acrobats who throw themselves around and transitions that make the duo appear more al Albert Hall until 17th February FELIX Friday 14 January 2011 27 ARTS Photo: Andy Stagg The clothes you’re not supposed to wear

The Royal Academy springs an esoteric jumble to get you thinking, until Little Rich Girls, 2010, Yinka Shonibare MBE, Commissioned by the London College of Fashion and Royal Academy of Arts. photo: Andy Stagg the end of January

Rox Middleton tural storytelling, building as protec- able mosque’, a collection of architec- peal, and that message is usually spelled gleaming pins. An explanation on the tion, belonging and confronting (which tural wigs made using traditional Afri- out alongside the piece. But while I ap- label can provide a vital clue as to the High fashion is not like anything you deals with confl ict) and performing. If can hair braiding and felt uniforms for plaud the effort to help people under- motives of the piece, but the installation know or have seen in normal society. these four sections sound like a good every occasion. The ideas sounded inter- stand how fashion can be art, sometimes does the rest to inspire through sheer What is its link to the fashion worn by idea at fi rst, they soon seemed to me esting and full of potential, but their re- the exhibition went too far. Sometimes aesthetic appeal. the ordinary clothes-wearing public? I rather arbitrary and diffi cult to differen- alisation seemed to lack the excitement the given interpretation was far-fetched Other favourites of mine were the fi lm have no idea. Images of beautiful women tiate. This vagueness in the structure of or originality of their themes. to the point of ridiculous. How the installation of laundry workers in Mum- made bizarre by face paint and freakish the whole exhibition might strike you as If the list of unfulfi lled potential alone lacy red see-through mini-dress and bai and the life-size cashmere whale garments as they strut down the catwalk kooky eclecticism or, more cynically, as has whetted your appetite, you’ll be facemask is an exploration of female turned into jackets. In a way the eclecti- (which may or may not be underwater/ revealing an underlying lack of direc- pleased to know that there are plenty of strength – specifi cally in Joan of Arc – I cism works in favour of the gallery be- on fi re/an enormous chessboard) are the tion. other ideas swirling around the galleries. will leave to your own imagination. cause there are original ideas to appeal manifestation of this incredibly prof- Each piece is very much a stand-alone The justifi cation of the exhibit after all is At other times though, the message is to just about anybody. itable industry. However, the Royal installation, and the incredible range that just as a great oil painting or sculp- obvious, or becomes palpably important The pieces that do appeal are excellent Academy is not Vogue magazine, and which is showcased over the sparsely ture are pieces of art used to communi- as you contemplate something that is examples from artists who have under- this show is not a haute-couture runway. laid-out galleries means that there are cate themes, ideas and world-views, so genuinely awe-inspiring and exciting. stood that if an exhibition of fashion, or Well thank goodness for that. some excellent nuggets mixed in with a fashion too can also be used for this pur- The most popular image of the show, fi f- rather “anything which could possibly The exhibition is split, rather vaguely, similar number of boring and unsatisfy- pose. This means every wooden dress teen gorgeously bright girl’s dresses in remind you of clothes”, must be called into four areas of fashion, describing ing pieces. For me these many lowlights and lengthy fi lm installation is about Dutch batik, is a perfect example of this. art then it must fulfi ll the same remit and the use of clothes as: personal and cul- included a fi lm by Yoko Ono, a ‘wear- something more than its aesthetic ap- So too is the beautiful widow’s dress of that is to show, not tell.

Photo: Andy Stagg. Courtesy Royal Academy of Arts, London Photo: Susie MacMurray

Alexander McQueen, Autumn Winter 1998: Joan of Arc Susie MacMurray, Widow, 2009 (made of pins and leather) 28 Friday 14 JANUARY 2011 FELIX

Games Editor: Simon Worthington

GAMES [email protected] Web Games

Each week we’re going to bring you a selection of fresh, free and fun web games that you can play right away in your browser. Unless otherwise specified, Cute but still smart you’re going to need the Adobe Flash Player plug-in which can be installed from http://get.adobe.com/ flashplayer/. Simon Worthington reviews new puzzle game ilomilo

espite sounding like the name Effing Meteors of the trendiest new cocktail to jiggmin.com hit London bars, or perhaps the location of the latest hit tour- ist spot in the Balkans, ilomilo Dis in fact the latest arcade game from Swedish game house SouthEnd Interactive. Ilo and Milo are the protagonists: little egg-shaped blobs of fur (with inevitable cute little faces and arms, of course) that somehow keep losing each other amongst the crazy fl oating world they inhabit. The player’s task is simple: reunite them! You control one of the pair at a time, moving around, picking up blocks and switch- ing between to the other at will. Action takes place on fl oating levels of cubes suspended in crazy, cute worlds where gravity and physics are seemingly disregarded in favour of gravity- reversing trapdoors, a strange creature addicted to apples and a little man who rides a beetle. Or possibly a fl ying dog. Puzzles make up the core of the game and thankfully it’s the thing that ilomilo does best. In this abstract action game, you control a (deep Ilo and Milo will often appear on different breath, physicists) ‘gravity well’ with which you can platforms and at different angles to each other, behind the scenery a little ‘peephole’ appears so But for all the great elements to ilomilo, there trap meteors and send them hurtling towards plan- and helping them to meet can only be achieved you can still see what’s going on without ruining are unfortunately some bad ones. There is the ets in balls of fire. The aim of the game is simple: through a subtle use of the moveable blocks the visuals – it’s clear that a lot of effort has been classic ‘deep and emotional’ indie-style plot wipe out as many species as you can. Each species and the physics-defying ‘carpets’ that swap the put in to make the game easy to play. SouthEnd which remains completely detached from the behaves differently and you must adjust your tactics little protagonists between different sides of the have also been very careful to make sure that il- gameplay, and its effect on the game is so small accordingly to beat them. cubes they’re standing on. Working out what to omilo never becomes disorientating – as Ilo and as to be virtually pointless. Co-op multiplayer do to reunite the two titular characters is a lot Milo stand on opposite sides of the same plat- also makes an appearance; each player controls As the game continues in this fashion you’ll encoun- of fun, and it’s certainly satisfying when a well- form with a general ignorance of any applicable either llo or Milo but only one is ‘active’ at ter aliens, missile-shooting snails and oversized, ra- formulated plan comes to fruition. However, laws of physics, it’s a testament to the design any time, in a similar way to the single-player dioactive dinosaurs. Mindless destruction turns out even though it’s doesn’t take long to fi gure out that the human brain can still even understand game. With no way to control both simulta- to be a lot of fun, and the game’s unique visual style what to do, the levels can still take a fair while who is where and what needs to be moved how. neously, all this mode really eliminates is the looks great. You can spend five minutes of half an to complete – mainly due to having to go back The game is also gorgeous to look at; the sur- need to physically pass the controller around. hour here and still have an enjoyable time! and forth to move blocks – which sometimes roundings to each level are packed with other Combine this with the fact that there are no gets a tiny bit tedious. new co-op levels – the single player chapters It’s clear that particular attention has beenn are simply recycled – and you end up with a co- paid to helping players to grasp what’s goingngg on op mode that is entirely a waste of time. and understand new concepts, which is some-ome- “Working out what to Co-op also partly fails because there is sim- Vector Rush thing that makes ilomilo a particularly relaxingaaxingxing ply no replay value to ilomilo. The puzzles newgrounds.com/portal/view/558659 (rather than the usual frustrating) puzzle ggame.ame. do to reunite the two aren’t really fun to complete again since most The level design is exemplary as it introducesduces titular characters is a lot of the satisfaction is derived from not knowing new concepts in a fantastically intuitive way what to do to solve the puzzle. There are bo- that stops new blocks and the gravity-bending of fun, and it’s certainly nus items to collect, but it’s perfectly possible levels from getting too confusing. Someone to get them all the fi rst time you enter a level. who catches on quickly will defi nitely fi nd the satisfying when a well- Indeed, this is certainly a strong point – you fi rst chapter a bit of a slow start, but the levels can’t break the levels and no matter how many get more diffi cult later on and the bonus “levels, formulated plan comes bblocblocksloc you shuffl e around the puzzle will al- which are unlocked after collecting enough of wwaywaysay remain solvable. the mini-lookalikes in the story levels, provide to fruition.” It cannot be denied that ilomilo is a joy to a serious challenge simply through their scale plaplayplay.y Completing puzzles is irrefutably fun even for an experienced puzzler. Later lev- anandd there’s a certain attraction that keeps you els are also kept fresh by the addition of new fl oating oddities, like a child’sdd’s’s toytoy windmill, pplayinglay all the way to the end, with the game’s blocks and ‘enemies’, and these aren’t just clock towers and even fi sh, all sewn together technical excellence and cute visuals doing gimmicks – the new elements are used well and in a patchwork style that is very reminiscent their most to both help you along and not get in often to great effect. of LittleBigPlanet. More critically, in keeping your way. It’s a truth that anyone could pick up I’ve never taken acid, but if I did I’m pretty sure this is Indeed, the level design is just one reason that with the ilomilo ethic, the artwork never gets this charming arcade title and, despite its fl aws, what it would look like. Your first reaction on entering ilomilo is a technically excellent title. The con- in the way of the puzzles; the different blocks they would almost certainly enjoy it. this 3D tunnel game will most likely be to scream, trols are very intuitive and only very rarely do and things in the level are on” the whole distin- but after you’ve calmed down and regained control either Ilo or Milo end up doing something that guishable from each other. It’s simply there for ilomilo is available now from SouthEnd of your bowels this game turns into an adrenaline- the player didn’t intend. The camera, which is when you’re ready to tilt the analogue sticks Interactive and Microsoft Games Studios pumping trippy monster that is actually incredibly en- often a neglected or rushed element particularly back and take a good long look at the world, from the Xbox Live Marketplace for 800 joyable. Collect blue rings for extra lives! in 3D arcade titles, does the job very well. It’s at which point of course, it comes into its own Microsoft Points and on Windows Phone 7 also the little details: when the camera moves and fi ts with the rest of the game perfectly. for £3.99. felix Friday 14 JANUARY 2011 29 Film Editors: Matt Allinson Jade Hoffman Ed Knock fi [email protected] FILM Happy New Year?

Guo Heng Chin Rounding off an excellent year, Aaron Aditya Narayanan Sorkin’s impeccably scripted The So- Jake Lea-Wilson cial Network has helped fuel the debate about why 26 year old billionaires – in As another year begins again and starts this case, brilliantly portrayed by Jesse us off right at the beginning of Oscar Eisenberg – have to be rude, often mali- season, the Felix Film writers take a cious people. Its razor-sharp, ultra-witty look back at the best of cinema in 2010 writing makes it a very likely candidate – in case you were in some kind of year- for the Best Original Screenplay gong, long coma – and discuss some of our though this may yet be snatched away most anticipated films of 2011. from Sorkin by this year’s early films There are three clear frontrunners such as The King’s Speech. for the top films in 2010 that spring to This year is full of exciting films, and mind, and probably fall into most Best we’re not just talking about the final in- Of 2010 lists without question. As the stallment in the Harry Potter franchise first big budget movie to treat its audi- that could easily prove to be the most ence like intelligent members of society, profitable film of the year. Among the Inception fully delivered on its incred- most publicised films, we have a lot ible hype, storming the box office with to look forwards to with Cowboys vs its stylish, mind-boggling, high-concept Aliens – watch the trailer now; Tintin action and sealing Christopher Nolan’s – with the versatile Andy Serkis as Cap- Ladies, look at your King. Do you want him to sound like me. Look down, back up. Your King is now diamonds reputation as one of the great directors tain Haddock; and Tinker, Tailor, Sol- of his generation. dier, Spy – how can you resist another Another film that somehow man- Colin Firth film this year? Undoubt- aged to meet – even exceed – expecta- edly, however, one of the most keenly tions, was Toy Story 3, anticipated films are Danny Boyle’s 127 King Colin proves speech which rounded off Hours, which is out now starring James possibly the best Franco – a name we will be hearing a lot trilogy since The this year; and another from The Wrestler Godfather with a director Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan, is no impediment wonderful narrative which takes a dark dive into the mys- and family fun film terious world of ballet starring Nathalie that set both crit- Portman and Mila Kunis (inset). With The King’s Speech til hope arrives – in the form of an Aus- good film but remains upbeat through- ics and movie-goers the Oscars just weeks away, it’s tralian speech therapist Lionel Logue out, focusing on the fun and somewhat Director Tom Hooper worldwide time to catch the best of the Screenwriter David Seidler (Geoffrey Rush) with unorthodox and unnatural relationship between Firth and going film season whilst you can, Cast Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush and controversial teaching methods – that Rush. The smart screenplay that turns wild. and start placing your bets. Helena Bonham Carter the film really hits its stride. What a historical sequence of events into an then develops between Firth and Rush appealing mix of drama and outstanding John Park is one of the best on-screen bromance humour keeps things fresh and easy to pairs in recent years between the two fully enjoy and comprehend. When one is King, one cannot afford to unlikeliest people: a tongue-tied, nerv- As an actor, Firth is given the entire do a lot of things. For example it will ous, upper-class King, and a confident, film to show off and takes advantage of be frowned upon if one is interested eccentric speech therapist. The film every single moment. With such a ver- in marrying an American (shock hor- reaches its climax as Bertie is faced bally incompetent character to portray, ror) twice-divorced woman in a time of with the ultimate challenge – Hitler in- Firth still manages to convey a range of conservative, proper ideals. Caught up vading Poland – and England looks to emotions without words, commanding in this scandal, King David VIII (Guy unite behind a strong and inspirational the screen with his masterful portrayal. ICU Cinema this term Pearce), decides to follow his heart and figurehead. As the pressure starts to Rush’s character is not overlooked here abdicate the throne, leaving the crown build, the role of the speech therapist either, depicting a failed actor who, us- to fall on his brother’s head, George becomes more crucial, as Bertie begins ing his self-assured methods and pecu- Jade Hoffman card that rewards its regulars with every (Colin Firth), or Bertie, as he’s known to rely on Logue more. liar charm, helps people to speak. He is sixth film free – not a bad deal consid- to his family. But this is not going to be It’s a moving, albeit predictable, story delightfully odd and comically patronis- After last term’s successful return of iCU ering the line-up they’re looking to put a smooth transition either, for George of human triumph: the film’s events ing but when it counts, a loyal friend. Cinema, the club are looking to extend on this year. has difficulties of his own; he stam- have been carefully orchestrated to act The warmth the two actors share is their reaches – showing two films twice Kicking off with the visually stun- mers and is incapable of public speak- as a build-up to the speech that Bertie touching stuff, even without the help of a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. ning revisit to the 80’s classic, Tron: ing. Yet another thing one cannot af- will inevitably have to deliver. When it a big orchestral score. This all kicks off with Tron: Legacy and Legacy is set to be followed up in the ford to do when one wishes to be King. counts, the film can easily convey the In a similar vein to The Queen, which Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the weeks to come by Harry Potter and the After an embarrassing public incident, stirring impact it was supposed to bring saw Helen Mirren’s performances win- Dawn Treader which starts at 6.30pm on Deathly Hallows: Part One for all those he is seen by a myriad of speech thera- in the grand finale. It finishes as a feel- ning rave reviews and virtually every Tuesday 18th January, switching the or- who missed it last month (scandalous!), pists and what ensues is a hilarious My single acting award in existence, The der of the bill for the 6.30pm showing on Oscar-tipped British film The King’s Fair Lady-like routine where Bertie is King’s Speech is a film that is more Thursday 20th. Speech, and Danny Boyle’s 127 Hours. required to put seven marbles in his concerned about the performances of Once again, the ticket prices are stay- Last term’s revival of the All-Nighter mouth to speak – apparently helping its actors and its period mood. Glory ing within the student budget (i.e. the is expected to be repeated with an even him to pronounce correctly. Also, he is As an actor,aacc Firth and high praise has already started to price of a pint in London) with mem- more impressive line-up, rumoured to advised to smoke – because it “relaxes” be heaped onto to Firth, tipped by some bers prices being £4 for a single film include Black Swan, Blue Valentine and the lungs. is ggiveniven tthe entire to be the film that’ll win Firth his first and £7 for the double bill. Membership the Coen’s brothers’ latest True Grit. Bertie tries hard, but nothing seems Oscar, but the film itself is not ground- is still staying at £3 for the year includ- iCU Cinema is now available to be to work – his wife Elizabeth (Helena film to show off andan breaking. It’s a rousing, heart-warming ing a free film, so it’s definitely worth followed on Twitter (@icu_cinema) for Bonham Carter) supports her husband period drama – one of the most skill- buying online to save that extra pound film updates and recommendations of no matter what in the most dignified, takes advantagetage ooff fully executed one of its kind – but it’s every week. In addition to this, iCU what Imperial students want to see on sweet manner but she is also of course truly the performances that steal the Cinema is bringing out its new loyalty the big screen. worried for the days ahead. It is “not un- every single” moment. show. 30 FRIDAY 14 january 2011 FELIX

Food Editor: Dana Li

FOOD [email protected] Gastronomical News Dana says: An edible adventure... Samuel Furse rediscovers the pleasures of food

JustinPoliachik/flickr

Those of us who are more perceptive will have no- ticed this logo on their Starbucks cups. For me, it resembles Ursula of Little Mermaid fame with her tentacles reaching caudally to who-knows-what. The offi cial word is that Starbucks has amended their logo in time for their 40th anniversary. The truth (I speculate) is that Starbucks have removed their white lettering so that it can no longer be defaced by protesters to reveal a widely-used expletive.

D.I.Y. Pesto When food has no meaning and gets you down, call for Uncle Sam (Furse that is, not the pointing chap with the hat...)

eat. Shocking stuff, you may be think- This became a double-problem. I describe Black Cherry and ing, but it gives me a certain problem. above the insulation on my Adonis-like solar Almond Cake By Samuel Furse Fortunately I have no life-threatening plexus. Well, there was a time when this in- diffi culties – I am not allergic to nuts, sulation would have put the greenest fl ower 155g butter; 10g walnut oil (butter is fi ne wheat or milk. I am allergic to Gillian children to shame on the scale of house in- instead); 3 eggs; 135mL Amaretto; 165g IMcKeith, but that is another story. What you sulation and so something had to be done. I white self-raising fl our (SRF); 110g sug- should perhaps know is that I am tall. I also tried typical dieting, but it was hopeless, I was ar; 98g St Dalfour black cherry preserve. take a not-extravagant amount of exercise. thinking about food all the time and eating just Point is, I burn off a lot of calories. That, com- as much as I otherwise would have. So, I cut • Add the butter, oil and sugar into a bowl, bined with my predilection for boredom, means out as much as I could of cream, ice cream, and warm gently in a microwave so the that eating the same meal three times in three chocolate and so on. I replaced them with oth- butter melts. days was not something that was going to last er things that were not so calorifi c and started • Ensuring that the bowl and contents are • ½ a clove of garlic, chopped long. A former French fl atmate – well, half to learn to like them. Not easy, but worth it. not too hot, stir towards homogeneity • sea salt and freshly ground black pepper French half American, not a good combina- The good thing about that approach was that then add the Amaretto and mix in. • 3 handfuls fresh basil, leaves picked and chopped tion in this case – was derisive at the idea that I could still enjoy fl avour. So, I did. I found • Break the eggs into the mixture and stir • a handful of pine nuts, very lightly toasted this was possible even once. However, I was recipes that seemed all right, but were lacking vigorously until homogenous. • a good handful of freshly grated Parmesan cheese hungry and wanted to avoid eating the one kilo a certain something. I changed them. This has • Add the Black Cherry preserve and mix • extra virgin olive oil packets of chicken or beef pasta which Sains- lead, perhaps inevitably, to now four original in. (You may fi nd cherry jam more con- • a small squeeze of lemon juice bury’s amusingly label as ‘serves 4’. recipes for different types of cake. The ideas venient to source. However, it is sweeter What was the solution? Learn to cook. Well, are not necessarily original – one of them is than the St Dalfour, so alter the amount Pound the garlic with a little pinch of salt and the at least a bit. I had a degree to do, and although chocolate – but it is my recipe. I extended this accordingly. St Dalfour has 52g/sugar basil leaves in a pestle and mortar, or pulse in a I wanted to fuel myself so that I could do it, so to other dishes, and now I have a recipe for La- per 100 g. Bonne mamman jams tend food processor. Add a bit more garlic if you like, but that I could ride and walk around and so that sagne that I can give to Italians without fi nding to have 60g/100 g so around 85g of jam I usually stick to ½ a clove. Add the pine nuts to the I could maintain the adipose covering of my unexpected dis-membered bedfellows the next would work, however the fruit fl avours mixture and pound again. Turn out into a bowl and otherwise-chiselled eight-pack, it could not be morning. Some of it is self-indulgent, apart will not be as aromatic. add half the Parmesan. Stir gently and add olive oil too time consuming. Cue a stream of Delia, Ni- from the cakes and the cocktail. I do not do a • Add fl our and mix well. (You can replace until the sauce binds and becomes all oozy. gella, Elizabeth David, Nigel Slater. This is all ‘Smoothie’ of any kind – sounds too much like 20-30 g of the SRF with plain white fl our sort-of fi ne and I am sure they have tested them a description of the technique of someone who for a thicker texture. This will make the Season to taste, then add most of the remaining all out and they all work and so on but despite gives good fellatio. Instead what I have is fruit cake easier to hold with a cup of tea) cheese. Pour in some more oil and taste again. doing a PhD in chemistry, following recipes whizz, which is far better for you and does not • Mix a bit longer, until it is homogenous Keep adding a bit more cheese or oil until you are somehow never massively appealed. I mean, cost more than your tube fare to make. (saving for the pieces of fruit). happy with the taste and consistency. You may like what if I do not get the right result? What if I I have never been to catering school, nor am I • Pour into a greased 8” x 3” loaf tin; level. to add a squeeze of lemon juice at the end to give it do not like it? What if it is not enough or does likely to, but if you fi nd you want to up or down • Heat in a fan assisted oven at 175°C for a little twang, but it’s not essential. not keep? More importantly than any of those, the calories on your plate, my advice is have 50min. Allow 24 h under cover at room however, what if the fl avour is uninspiring? more fun with your food. Bun fi ght? temperature before serving. FELIX FRIDAY 14 JANUARY 2011 31 FOOD Kowtow to the master... Waffl emeister is in the house! With a motto like ‘I waffl e therefore I am’, what’s not to love? By Dana Li

Katie Tang ave you ever tried Sain- Waffl es, at the Belgian Food Company. bury’s Belgian Waffl es? Originally the owner in 1999, Alex They glow a certain was able to sell BFC on before he even shade of yellow that re- graduated. He made a career in fi nance minds me of the Mer- before deciding in 2009, to return to his Hcedes Benz SLK320 in sunshine yellow. waffl es. Waffl emeister offi cially opened God knows just how many additives their fi rst branch in Embankment, and they employed for you to ‘Taste the Dif- South Kensington and Portobello Road ference’. closely followed in 2010. These had put me off waffl es for life. I spoke to Alex to tell us more… Until a standard post-night out stroll through South Kensington in the subze- How did you come up with the idea of ro climate, and suffering from late night a waffl e business in 1999? munchies. A dilemma, indeed. That’s I have always been very passionate about until the warm, sultry aroma teased me gourmet food and desserts. Back in 1999 to look up. Like a heavenly being come it was impossible to fi nd a freshly made to enlighten me, it smiled. It was the waffl e virtually anywhere in London. So God of waffl es, Waffl emeister. I decided to set-up a business that would Why am I waffl ing? Because these make them fresh in-store daily and add- waffl es are worth the waffl e. ed other delicious toppings and gelato to Waffl emeister’s secret recipe traces its go with it. roots back to a family in Liege, Belgium in 1950 (see the family photos in store Had you any experience dealing with for nostalgia). Today, it is still largely your own business prior to this, con- unchanged from the original, ensuring sidering it was a big step to take? And that all ingredients used are natural, what was it like to balance the studies GM-free with no preservatives. And if and BFC? you think that there is some large fac- Luckily I had some previous experience tory up north churning out these waffl es from running my own company prior to on an assembly line, think again. The joining the MBA programme. That did dough (not batter!) is freshly prepared in help considerably in setting up BFC and Belgium and frozen into balls before be- avoiding some of the pitfalls that come ing imported directly to all three stores with a start-up. It was diffi cult to bal- Chocolate, bananas and whipped cream. God I could eat waffl es all day... in London (apart from South Kensing- ance both work and the MBA but you ton, Waffl emeister is also found in Em- somehow make it work by just adding bankment and Portobello Road). Once more hours to the day. I had a great work in store, the dough (complete with sugar group and business partners. That did and our catering events business. We pellets) is pressed out in the waffl e iron help tremendously. will add 1 or 2 stores to our UK portfolio so that the waffl e you receive is warm this year and are also researching plans and like no other before it. Toppings. Do you have any tips for anyone want- for opening a store in the US. They can also come with toppings, so ing to start their own business? please take your pick. Chocolate fudge, It is not easy. Be prepared to work very, So there you have it. Walk in. Grab a whipped cream, marshmallows, maybe very hard and only do it if you are ex- seat. Watch your waffl e evolve from some strawberries, blueberries or even tremely passionate about what it is you a frozen ball of dough into a golden- some banana? There’s always the option want to do. Write an exhaustive business brown wonder. This is no ordinary waf- to be lazy however and opt for the pre- plan. Ask for help and free advice where fl e, this is a Waffl emeister waffl e. made Waffl emeister favourites such as and whenever possible. Try getting dis- Imperial College students are able to my favourite: Go Bananas! Waffl emeis- counts all the time. Focus on execution enjoy a 15% discount at the South Kens- ter also serves freshly made gelato that and always listen to your customer. ington branch for the whole of this term hits all the satisfaction points. News in: (until 25th March) and with the stores savoury waffl es will also be made avail- What was the reason behind you re- open 10AM until midnight, and deliv- able from February, for those hungry turning to the waffl es? ery to all SW7 addresses from 6-11PM, stomachs in need of a brunch or munch. I love good food and after spending dessert just got even sweeter. Minimum I could go on. nearly 10 years in fi nance I wanted to spend for delivery is £10. I’ll let you into a secret, though. The get back to something that I was more creator of Waffl emeister, Alex Troullier, passionate about. Waffl emeister (South Kensington) is at fi rst thought up the idea whilst study- 26 Cromwell Place, London SW7 2LD ing his MBA at our very own Imperial After opening three stores in London, (next to the bus-stop). College Business School. Ever walked what are your plans for Waffl emeister Other stores: Embankment Stn, Lon- out of Bond Street station and wonder in 2011? don WC2N 6NS and 137 Portobello what that sweet, almost sickly, smell is? We want to focus on growing local trade Road, London W11 2DY 32 Friday 14 JANUARY 2011 FELIX

Travel Editor: Dylan Lowe Chris Richardson TRAVEL [email protected] Wishing You Were Here Stick to the plan You have sworn on your grandma’s life you’ll travel more in 2011 – now keep that promise. Dylan Lowe offers tips on staying faithful to your travel plans

ike a good respectable self-reform- ist, you decreed upon yourself the commandments that are your reso- lutions for 2011. One of which in- cludes the desire to ‘travel more’. LWith a destination picked and dates decided but yet to arrive, you perch on your seat counting the milli-seconds before you take off. Except travel plans are more akin to a real- istic portrayal of a puppy in 101 Dalmatians: conceived in a fi t of festivity, abandoned before the Christmas decorations come off, dust-clad and forgotten before maturity - and certainly never been taken out for a walk. Sceptical I may sound, there are actually ways - trial-and-error-ed ones in fact - to make Her promise to bungee jump off Mount Everest was proving hard to organise... Lethargic Laos by Chris Richardson sure that you don’t give up on your plans mid- way, to give you enough motivation to plan and execute the travelling from start to fi nish. Give wish to partake, whether it’s skiing, hurling of your heart’s desired location? With Imperial Want to see your travel photograph featured here? them a try - the difference could be between tomatoes at each other, fi nding spirituality in College’s fame as one of the most multi-cultur- Send it to [email protected]. spending a Sunday afternoon observing either a coffee shop, or letting your genitals swagger al institutions in the UK, chances are six-de- beach-dwelling hot chicks/guys or a Hollyoaks amidst your fellow naked-runners. grees of separation will bless you with a con- Omnibus. Pick a to-do that is potentially memorable; nection or two in your destination-of-choice. throw in elements of adventure, adrenaline, Travel Deals of the Week unpredictability, rarity and there you have it, Steady dosage wins the trip a promise of participation too good - and too Literary tourist shameful - to turn your back on. This is sadly how many exciting travel plans Never hitchhiked before? Practise clenching A common origin of inspiration for travel meet their pitfall: all the glamour, exoticness your fi st into a thumbs-up position and off you ideas: the bookshelves stacked full with ultra- of visiting a dream location are extinguished, go. Adamant you can traverse an entire country marine spines and their orangey counterparts. their appeal sinking like an obese whale until, solely by cycling? Go lubricate your chains. Predictably, delving into a Lonely Planet or eventually, it fades into obscurity. Think you’re fearless and can hurl yourself off Rough Guide is probably seldom the starting STA Travel is one of the world’s largest travel or- So you’ve come up with a destination. You’ve anywhere attached to only a cord or parachute? point of travel preparations. ganisations for students and young people. Their given it a set of dates. What there’s all to do is Do it - I dare you. Though some people swear by that, they’d various branches offer travel consultancy services planning, and enduring the period between the Reverse psychology works here too: the more sooner conduct intercourse with a duck than on an appointment basis, where a knowledgeable dormant stage and the designated time of trav- pledges you make, the harder you’ll fi nd back- use a travel guidebook. employee will help you plan your trip. elling. Which is most likely the period when ing out courtesy of peer pressure. Now, no one Loather of where-to-go’s or not, literature They’re a great fi rst point of contact for fl ights and these trips fi nd themselves abandoned, ne- likes to the called a coward or chicken - right is an ideal means of beginning your research even insurance, but bold adventurers should be glected, forgotten and unmissed because, well, Marty McFly? on your destination, which, in particular for wary of being sucked into buying the accommoda- you’ve lost interest. countries and continents you have yet to be tion and guided tours that can detract from the trav- What often happens is that you’ve overdone physically introduced to, is sometimes a life- elling experience. the hype during the planning stage. When you Connections, connections... and-death essentiality. If you so wholeheart- do too much planning in one obesely over- edly despise being held by the leash, fret not Their latest great offers include return fl ights to: bearing effort to get absolutely everything Praise be to Mark Zuckerberg and his near- still - there are many other forms of literature Cairo, Egypt from £299 scheduled, you exhaust all the excitement and complete digital colonisation schemes - if only at your disposal. Bangkok, Thailand from £415 motivation essential to maintain the level of en- we prank Bin Laden into getting Facebook - Highly likely is that every inch of the globe Rio, Brazil from £569 thusiasm during the limbo state of anticipation. ponds and landmasses are negligible obstacles has been written about at least once, whether Melbourne, Australia from £589 Try dissecting your holiday planning into dif- when it comes down to communication. Simi- in fi ctional or non-fi ctional accounts, depicting Auckland, New Zealand from £715 ferent aspects - transport, accommodation, ac- larly, technological wonders like Skype and current affairs or history, focusing on natural tivities, entertainment - and approaching them Twitter allow acquaintances to be made and habits or human population. Choose a fi eld of Or if you can stretch your watch and your wallet, why in stages. That way you’ll give yourself consis- kept regardless of the mileage between separa- your interest and seek a book on a similar sub- not customise a Round The World package tailored tent dosages of eagerness, keeping you as de- tions. ject of your planned destination - guaranteed to your route plan? Prices start at £729. termined when stepping out of home as when So use that to your advantage. to prolong your fascination into outliving your the trip idea fi rst occurred to you. Get to know the place even before you get impatience. Visit statravel.co.uk to fi nd out more! there by rounding up people you know who are A good place to start the literary treasure hunt familiar with your destination, mobilising your is your loyal Lonely Planet and Rough Guide, Planning a trip and want some advice from expe- Unleash your inner friends, family and relatives who may be there which generally include a to-read list for its rienced travellers? Have a travelling tale to share at your time of visit, and commence the chin- reported destinations. Alternatively browse with Imperial? Send us a tweet with #FelixTravel or Indiana Jones wag. Psych them up with anticipation of seeing for travel blogs - perhaps quality is not always drop us an email at [email protected] you, in turn allowing them to psych you up to ensured, but once in a while do some genuine A choice of location is never suffi cient - the an adventure with some hospitable ground. gems crop up. Also try online travel publica- greater purpose always lies with the action you Or why not let enter into your life fragments tions like MatadorNetwork and BootsNAll. FELIX Friday 14 JANUARY 2011 33

Festive antics in Amsterdam At the mere mention of the place certain thoughts spring to mind. Chris Richardson decided it would be the perfect Christmas revision getaway

msterdam: when the word is spoken bells im- mediately begin to ring. It’s one of those places that’s on everyone’s to- Ado list, whether the intentions be noble or otherwise. Following a whimsical conversation many sleepy Sundays ago we decided that it would be the perfect pre-Christmas destination, a place to un- wind and soak up some cultural delights. My sincere condolences to those who were stranded indefi nitely over the fes- tive season, who may have had impor- tant places to be, unlike us. We were a few of the lucky ones who managed to That ambient, crimson glow. Inviting, isn’t it? make it overseas without issues, which was probably the only time in history where a budget airline has been spot on. With return fl ights from budget airlines costing less than train tickets home, there’s really no excuse to not travel. We arrived to a snow-shrouded city, greeted with crisp frozen canals while accordions chirped in the background of the conversations that fl owed. Hav- ing been tipped off by several people, including a couple at the airport, we headed for the city’s resident St. Chris- topher’s Inn. I’m not sure about their in- ternational reputation but we were told this one was reliable enough. Located bang in the centre just off Dam Square, Who cycles along a snow-saturated road after a coffeeshop visit? Natural selection at work... Prefer the photo above? You’re a bad, bad woman this gem had a bar and nightclub down- stairs, with lots of things offered to hos- tel customers at discount rates. motherland, not that I’m a regular or a small tip on our way out. from piss. I personally blame god for Back in the day, sailors from lands afar The rooms have had extensive paint- anything. Floating around the city, there are a ill-equipping us with a tiny bladder: would stopover to spend their hard- ing work from some big local names I’m assuming that since at least one few noticeable things. For starters, the evidently when designing he didn’t con- earned cash on gambling and prostitutes, as well as some international artists: it Imperial hall of residence is taking its lack of the louts that have become oh- sider the possibilities of cinema or long and would of course have to repent their hardly gives an ambient honeymoon feel freshers to Amsterdam that we’re not so protocol in this country. Or perhaps bus journeys. sins. Luckily the nearby church offered but for our purposes it more than suf- going to dance around the subject of they just like to be in my proximity on a I should probably enlighten you as to that service, and also started doing a ‘re- fi ced. As always, haggling was in order marijuana. Equally it won’t dominate night out, I don’t know. The other more the origins of these fun facts of the city. pent in advance’ scheme: the revenue and I managed to save us a total of 150 this article, and shouldn’t dominate your prominent feature of the city is the archi- Sandemans New Europe Tours (neweu- from such an empire can be seen on the Euros: result! After dumping our back- time if and when you visit. It’s quite sur- tecture: skinny buildings arising from a ropetours.eu) offer free walking tours of several swanky extensions on the build- packs we did what anyone else would real though, and I’d really recommend dreaded width tax, tilting forward over several major European cities, Amster- ing. do and decided to hit up our fi rst cof- looking up the laws surrounding soft dam included. The idea is that follow- I always try to draw in something more feeshop. drugs. They seem to have a policy that ing the walking tour you pay what you sombre on my trips, and the Anne Frank Naturally we had recommendations works, with lower marijuana consump- “Tourists love to piss think the tour is worth. Be generous, House is defi nitely one of the more posi- for these too, so headed for Hill Street tion than many other destinations, and a mind: tour guides have to buy tickets tive such places that I’ve visited. While Blues to tick it off the list. We bumped police force that can better spend their all over the city... from an employer so must make back at it is certainly terrible to contemplate the into a very upstanding gentleman en- time on bigger issues. least that just to break even. We saw the fate of those hiding in the secret annex, route, who offered to take us to said Being coffeeshop virgins we ap- I personally blame real ins and outs of the city and I added Otto Frank’s legacy can be seen through coffeeshop. Despite our protests that we proached the lovely lady over the coun- countless fun facts to my booming rep- the museum’s positive efforts to combat could see said coffeeshop right in front ter, an expat who was more than happy god” ertoire – I’d really recommend it. modern day anti-Semitism and similar of us, he insisted that we follow him into to help. We were presented with a menu We befriended our guide Tina, and issues, rather than dwelling on the un- the adjacent alleyway, presumably for a offering several varieties and asked what one evening she volunteered to take us changeable past alone. better time of some description. We re- type of sensation we were seeking and the canals to aid merchants in shifting into the depths of the red light district. All in all a fantastic trip, and my only fused and marched onward, only to be recommended some types. This is ‘prob- stock inside without smashing windows. Thankfully my girlfriend and I broke criticism of the Dutch would be the to- greeted inside the coffeeshop by a local ably’ better than the system over here, Tourists love to piss all over the city, that taboo back in Thailand so a man- tal lack of inventiveness when naming policeman. In cute attire and in fl awless which presumably involves accepting or so I’m told. In retaliation the nooks datory stroll through that side of town things: the Old Church, New Church, English he asked us what the man out- the bag with debatable contents from a and crannies of many buildings now was both interesting and informative. National Monument? It all seems a little side had said to us, then proceeded with dodgy fellow in a trench coat. As is cus- come equipped with ‘pee defl ectors’, For instance, the presence of the church newspeak to me, but hey. The Dutch are a smile and a wink to wish us a happy tom we purchased drinks with our order, to discourage urinating in such a fash- slap bang in the centre of the district: certainly a liberal and forward-thinking time in Amsterdam. A far cry from the listened to some music, and as conversa- ion. This devalues the attractiveness some would say this is a little odd, but people who have a great perspective or typical run-in with a policeman in the tions ceased to fl ow we departed leaving of buildings but at least saves them economically this makes perfect sense. two to share with us. 34 Friday 14 JANUARY 2011 felix

HANGMAN [email protected] Twatter Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! Merry Grohlmas!!! I have declared a new religious festival (I can do that, btw)

You guys havin a good Grohlmas? e As I was so coldly left out of the loop by Barack_attack_l33thaxor the Fuhrer last term, who didn’t bother to mention that there wasn’t going to be another issue of Felix before the Christ- mas holidays and thus left you without a Yer. Ma wife got me a vial of ebola jolly festive Hangman, I’ve had to take virus matters into my own hands and create a religious festival for the 14th of January. SexyOsama69 After some rummaging around on the internet, I discovered that Dave Grohl was born on the 14th of January. Now I’m not a big Dave Grohl fan, but he does sweet. I got Justin Bieber’s bare some resemblance to Jesus, and the album. it’s badass only other option was Carl Weathers, The_Cleggomatortrontown <3 who already has his own religion, ‘Carl Weathersism’.

The History of Grohlmas Ah yes, I remember Dave Grohl when he was just 24 seconds old. IMHO that’s when he peaked. Honestly, his early stuff is the best Am I missing something here? Just like Christmas, Grohlmas has an SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 equally exciting and implausible nativity story. It is important for everyone to umbilical cord with the blade from one Badass presents. remember why they’re celebrating of his iconic ice skates and then handed The word ‘badass’ makes you instantly Grohlmas and understand where it came Dave the drumsticks. Dave stole the think of the Grohl. It’s not surprising Biebs is a gangsta. Osie did you from. show and the rest is history. when you look at his track record of get my present? drugs, prison and killing Tupac. To cel- The Nativity Story Do you know The rest of the history ebrate this people give and receive badass SexyOsama69 Dave Grohl was born onto a drum kit. His “Hey Kurt Cobain’’, Nirvana, “ Bye Kurt presents. These include rabid animals, Mother, Davina Grohl, was the drummer how humiliating Cobain’’, Foo Fighters. DONE. angry African children with machetes and for the trance-funk hippy band, Spaced it is for me, an the album ‘My Words’ by Justin Bieber. was it the burqa or the entire Out on Bass, and didn’t even notice her dvd series of Location Location Oxford graduate Location? water break as she performed at a gig in Grohlmas Traditions The Queen’s rendition of ‘All my life’ Ohio. In fact the vibrations from the bass sentence, to And of course, every year we settle down Barack_attack_l33thaxor drum were so intense that she had fully be squeezed in Blaming everything on Courtney Love. with the TV to watch classic Grohlmas dilated within ten minutes and baby Dav- here? Look at Some people use festive holidays as a films (National Lampoon’s Grohlmas ey just plopped out onto the foot pedal. all the crap that chance to appreciate all the good things vacation, A muppet’s Grohlmas carol and Legend has it that Davina Grohl passed in life. Grohlmas takes the opposite ap- The Sound of Dave Grohl) followed by I sent the burqa lol. You’ll look out from blood loss and a cocktail I’m surrounded proach and encourages looking at all the The Queen’s warbling covers of some like a woman... of hallucinogen- ics, leaving by. My mother bad things in life and then blaming them Foo Fighters classics. She may be old, her new-born to complete thinks I work on Courtney Love. This is where the pop- but she sure knows how to play guitar. SexyOsama69 the remaining set. The ular phrase, ‘Oh for fuck’s sake Courtney And if you think this is getting a bit too band’s guitar- ist, Jed for the Times... Love, this is all your fault you repulsive ridiculous, go read the fucking nativity Von Glacier, cut the *sigh slut!’ originated from. story in the bible.

lol daAlmightyGROHL Peri0ds are like when girls are g0 all men- Dunc-E tal because they’re l0sing bl00d and start hallucinating. They call it girl pr0blems and can use it t0 get 0ut 0f any difficult situa- ti0n like d0ing the c00king 0r using a c0m- hi there! The w0rld Expla1ned by puter. It happens 0nce a m0nth but girls can make it last f0r at least tw0 weeks Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! Dunc-E, the clumsily- and s0metimes they will say they are hav- ing 0ne but when actually they are actually programmed and seriously n0t. The 0nly way t0 check they are n0t lying is t0 use a calendar and rec0rd every misinformed robot time they say they are 0n having peri0d. who the fuck are you? Then y0u can find the discrepenancies. There is an0ther way t0 check if a girl are having a peri0ds but y0u will pr0bably g0 DRUNKEN MATE OF THE WEEK This week Dunc-E t0 jail f0r at least a very l0ng time. The Send your photos to [email protected]. best thing t0 d0 is sh00t yourself in the explains... artery s0 that y0u are l0se bl00d as well For triple-WIN, send them to the Daily Mail but faster and then they cann0t c0mplain. THAT TIME OF THE MONTH... Make sure y0u hide y0ur calender. felix Friday 14 JANUARY 2011 35

THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS Horoscopes Aries Taurus This week, you return to London to find This week, you see a puddle on the side that your flat has been taken over by Aus- of the road. With childish joy you jump tralian refugees fleeing the flood. You let feet first into the puddle, hoping to make them stay but constantly make snide ref- a massive splash. Instead you wake up erences to the Ashes. It takes two weeks in your bed, pissing everywhere and to- for you to realise that cricket is shit and tally ruining your chances of seeing that you’re being an absolute douche... boy-who-stayed-over ever again. Gemini Cancer This week, you’re not paying any In some hypothetical week in the future, attention to the person that you’re having you wake up at 6am and head in for your sex with. You’re trying to solve that 8am lecture. You then spend your 1-hour coding problem that’s been annoying lunchbreak queuing in the JCR. You’re you. You carefully reach for your laptop angry and late for lectures, but, more than without the person noticing. You succeed. anything, you’re impressed... Imperial Coding done. Sex done. Best night ever... actually managed to get more shit. Leo Virgo This week, you become a billionaire and This week, you get fed-up with the fuck Gisele every day for the rest of your printers on campus telling you to “print “Wife instantly regrets life. Which is really bad news for the safely”. The next time you use the printer, economy and Gisele because there are a you jam your hand into the mechanism whole load of Leos out there and as you and, as it churns your bone to mush, all know, horoscope predictions are 100% scream “take that you fucking pleb!” husband’s Grohlmas present” guaranteed to happen for everyone. before laughing maniacally. Libra Scorpio This week, you are psyched. Shit bro! This week was really shit. I mean you’re DRUNKEN MATE OF THE WEEK You’ve been revising loooooads! You just sitting there in Reynolds, having a ARE ON THAT SHIT. You’ve got it quiet bucket of puke with some mates, nailed. This is going to be a walk in the when these bloody journalists come in, park. You are the Mohammed Ali of ex- write an article about your balls or some- ams, you are... oh dear, you are stuck on a thing and then claim that you only need bus and the exam began 5 minutes ago... AAB for your course!!! Outrageous. Sagittarius Capricorn It was meant to be a good Christmas This week you’re travelling along the break. But the trains were cancelled hyperspace intergalaxy freeway, to see because of some fucking snow, made that ex-girlfriend, the one that got away. worse by those smug happy cunts loving Suddenly the engines fail and you plunge their shitty “snow days”. Xmas alone in into a black hole. You receive a message smokey London. Happy sodding new before you pass the event horizon: “Can’t year - someone even shat on my pillow. wait to see you, I miss you”. God damn! Aquarius Pisces This week, you cook your first ever This week you take a shit on your meal. It’s been 4 years since you started housemate’s pillow. No seriously, this uni and you’ve finally cooked your week has been that boring. Obviously first plate of pasta. It’s understandably he’s not impressed but HEY! THERE To be fair, he’s made it back home safely and has ended up in bed instead of over the toilet. Well played sir! over cooked and, unimpressed with the WAS NOTHING LEFT ON IPLAYER You’ve successfully avoided soiling your clothes or ending up in a national newspaper. If you can work on your experience, you resort to subsisting off AND I NEED SOMETHING TO drunken chat up lines and pass out next to a girl, then you’ll have truly earned your stripes!!! your own toenails... Ah student life! FUCKING DO! 36 Friday 14 January 2011 FELIX Puzzles Editors: Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar PUZZLES [email protected] Last Year’s Solutions Crossword 1 2 3 4 5 5 6 7 8 Slitherlink Across Down 9 1. Showing lofty dignity (8) 1. Rendez-vous (4) 3 2 2 1 2 5. Waste of time (6) 2. Handyman (4,2,3,5) 10 1011 2 3 2 2 2 3 2 2 9. Magic sword (9) 3. Homogenous mixture (8) 1 2 2 3 2 2 11. Having hollow cylinder 4. Permeate (5) 1 1 3 2 3 (5) 6. Betray (3,3) 11 12 1312 15 2 1 3 2 1 2 0 12. Source (4) 7. Light-speed message 321 123 13. Devoted to luxury (9) transmitter (5,5,5) 14 15. Relating to eloquent 8. Imperiled (10) 2 1 2 2 speaking (10) 9. In collusion with (3,2,3) 151316 1417 1618 1915 152016 17 2 22 23 1 17. Long, narrow blade (4) 14. Canadian province, 18 21 3 1 2 2 19. Rotating shaft (4) includes Cape Breton Island 2 20. Period of warmth (10) (4,6) 192217 23 20 1824 19 25 22. Herb in the parsley 16. Cover with water (8) family (9) 18. Cooking utensil used to 21 21 24. Objects used for gam- grill meat (8) 262220 21 23 2422 23 25 Nonogram bling (4) 21. More even (6) 26. 16C. dynasty (5) 23. Ancient antiquity (5) 25 1 27. Fairly good (9) 25. Not as great in amount 4 4 2 5 5 1 1 2624 2725 3 3 3223 1 3 3 4 28. Take in (6) (4) 3 29. Exposing devices (8)

3 4 2628 29 2 2

2 3

3

4 1 Wordoku Word Wheel D R 3 3 L R T 5 3 TARGET: 15 K 5 4 H I A G R C R G B Make as many words of at least L Crossword R M G L 4 letters as you can, always using the I Q central one. NO plurals, conjugated I T O verbs, comparatives or superlatives, P U S A B because I said so.. There is always at S H A C K M T H L least one 9 letter word. I R A T I U 12L T R A O R E O A H U R I O H T G 18A B 1915L E A L G R I S I B L E M 23I N 1824D G 19A M 25E S This week’s wordoku spells out a fi tting tribute to all of you tortured by of January exams. Once again, every row, A G E D S E E column and 3x3 box contains each symbol. U 21T O P I A D 22R Y P I A N O P L A Y E R 25S P A 14 14 02131 3 I E M Battleships 2 P A R T R I D G E Ahoy mates, battleships is here for fans of pirate based logic. You have to fi t all of the ships to the 2 right into the grid, with one piece taking up one 1 x Aircraft Carrier square (so the biggest ship takes up four squares 6 ~ Pictogram in a row, either vertically or horizontally). The ~ GRINCH (1. Candycane 2. Gingerbread 3. Mistletoe 4. Wreath 5. Scrooge) numbers outside the grid indicate how many piec- 0 es of ship are in that row or column. Ships are not allowed to touch, not even diagonally. Some 1 2 x Battleship Riddle Corner squares have been fi lled in for you, with waves of 1. Awkward 2. The lake will freeze in the winter, so he can simply walk the sea where there defi nitely is no ship. 3 ~ ~ across ~ ~ 1 Going Underground 3 x Cruiser Apple Higher 2 Education Store D A G E N H A M E A S T  1 apple.com/uk/go/save 4 1 7 5 14 8 1 13 5 1 19 20 2 ~ 4 x Destroyer FELIX Friday 14 January 2011 37 PUZZLES

FUCWIT The Felix University/College-Wide League Leader Board Invitational Tournament League Nonogram - Musical Medley is new and improved, with prizes TTeams:eams: for both the winning team and the winning individual. I “Am” Squidhead 96 1 Points will be awarded per indi- Killuminati 58 vidual puzzles solved. The first 1 1 1 Big Gay Al 50 person/team to send in a correct 2 7 4 8 1 2 1 3 1 1 answer for a puzzle will receive 2 points per puzzle. After that peo- 1 2 1 2 1 1 2 1 3 1 9 1 ple who send in correct answers 1 2 5 2 171 5 5 1 411 4 1 IIndividuals:ndividuals: will be awarded 1 point per puz- zle. Double points are awarded for Shadi Sharbain 51 cryptic crosswords. 1 1 1 Sahil Chugani 26 Send your solutions to: [email protected] 4 1 1 1 Wael Aljeshi 21 for points galore! 1 1 5 1 1

1 1 1 1 Going Underground 1 2 1 Each letter in the alphabet is assigned Underground station) the sum equals the 1 2 1 1 1 a number value between 1 and 26 (see total shown. Send the Underground sta- table) and when added together for a tion that is hidden each week to puzzles. 1 2 1 1 1 1 specific word (or in this case specific [email protected]

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 2 2 5 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 1 2 1 1 So which London tube station sums to? 3 1 ______= 122 3 1 8

1 1 2 2 1 1

3 1 2 1 1

SLITHERLINK 3 1 2 1 1 1 2 1 2 2 The cells in a grid have to be coloured The numbers measure how many un- If you stare at it long enough, a funky, 2 2232 1 or left blank according to numbers at broken lines of filled-in squares there amusing or incomprehensible pattern the side of the grid. are in any given row or column. may appear. Have fun, y’all! 3 1 3 1 2 122 2 3 2 3 2 2 2 0212 22 222 2 3 3 3 2 312 2 2

2 3 3 2 3 2 2

If you’ve ever played minesweeper, then around it. Lines can never cross! In the you should be able to understand this end, you will end up with a closed loop. puzzle. The number in each box repre- Just have a look at the solution on the sents the number of lines that can exist opposite page. 38 FRIDAY 14 January 2011 felix

Sports Editors: Jovan Nedic David Wilson SPORT [email protected] Felix Sports League sponsored by Imperial Fencing keep their run of Team P W D L F A Diff Index 1 Basketball M1 5 5 0 0 374 264 110 5.00 victories intact 2 Table Tennis M2 5 5 0 0 77 8 69 5.00 3 Volleyball W1 4 4 0 0 8 0 8 5.00 4 Volleyball M1 3 3 0 0 6 0 6 5.00 Charlotte Levin Men’s Fencing 5 Tennis W1 2 2 0 0 17 5 12 5.00 6 Lacrosse W1 1 1 0 0 19 2 17 5.00 It’s a Saturday morning in Cambridge as Im- DAY 1 7 Football M3 1 1 0 0 10 0 10 5.00 perial Fencing’s fi rst men’s team arrive at the Imperial 1st 122 - 97 Bristol 1st 8 Table Tennis W1 1 1 0 0 5 0 5 5.00 sports venue. Ahead of them lays their fi rst 9 Hockey W1 7 6 0 1 45 9 36 3.71 BUCS weekend of the year, with matches Imperial 1st 112 - 105 Cambridge 1st 10 Tennis M1 8 6 1 1 60 36 24 3.50 against University of Oxford, University of DAY 2 11 Fencing M2 6 5 0 1 723 595 128 3.50 Cambridge, Bristol University and University Imperial 1st 126 - 93 Oxford 1st 12 Table Tennis M1 6 5 0 1 70 32 38 3.50 of London Union (ULU). 13 Squash W1 6 5 0 1 18 5 13 3.50 They’re fi rst up against Oxford, starting with Imperial 1st 126 - 81 London 1st 14 Lacrosse M1 5 4 0 1 83 49 34 3.20 foil. With Chris Gilliam, Robert Shaw and Ed 15 Netball W1 8 6 0 2 344 229 115 2.75 Collier on the team, they start fencing an even 16 Rugby M1 7 5 0 2 153 124 29 2.43 match, struggling to keep a few hits lead. Rob- 17 Badminton M1 7 4 1 2 34 22 12 2.00 ert unfortunately manages to injure himself 18 ICSM Hockey W3 6 4 0 2 262 163 99 2.00 and is replaced by the reserve Maiyuran Rat- 19 Water Polo W1 1 0 1 0 4 4 0 2.00 neswaran, and despite the accident they win 20 Cricket M1 5 3 0 2 984 956 28 1.40 with 4 hits. Whereas the epeeists, Marcello Co- Sailors search for Wally 21 ICSM Hockey W1 5 3 0 2 21 13 8 1.40 lombino, Ed Gilhead and Miles Gandolfi , also 22 ICSM Netball W3 5 3 0 2 131 124 7 1.40 struggle a bit in their match but win it in the 23 ICSM Hockey M3 5 3 0 2 9 18 -9 1.40 end, the sabreurs, Maiyuran, Henry Gann and ....Continued from Back Page bag when a somewhat irate Iona interrupted 24 Hockey M3 6 2 2 2 6 5 1 1.00 Camille van Hoffelen, show their standard and their next boat through. They had Chris locked me asking me to get Chris out of her bed. 25 ICSM Football M1 5 2 1 2 18 13 5 0.80 easily win with 45-19. and I should have sailed so that they continue While hilarious, I can see why she was a bit 26 ICSM Badminton W1 5 2 1 2 23 23 0 0.80 They continue in the same manner against around the course or I would overtake them. annoyed by this. 27 ICSM Badminton M1 5 2 1 2 16 24 -8 0.80 Bristol, which is followed by a victory in epee. Foolishly I did not do this but sailed right All too soon Sunday arrived. As we had done 28 Fencing W2 7 3 1 3 20 13 7 0.71 On the other hand, Bristol didn’t managed to into the lock they had Chris in, allowing their all our races on Saturday we knew we would 29 ICSM Netball W1 6 3 0 3 210 199 11 0.50 get their full team there, considering that it boat to overtake both of us. They were now in not be in the fi rst race, so we had a lie in. Ar- 30 Netball W2 6 3 0 3 234 245 -11 0.50 was still before the start of term, and had only 1-2 and promptly sailed off and won. Disap- riving about an hour late I was somewhat con- 31 ICSM Rugby M3 4 2 0 2 84 143 -59 0.50 foilists as representatives. To compensate, pointed by this change of fortune we headed cerned to see that racing hadn’t actually started 32 Basketball W1 2 1 0 1 55 47 8 0.50 these foilists proved themselves a bit too strong in for lunch, expecting to go out again soon. yet. I was even more worried that it was even 33 Squash M4 2 1 0 1 3 3 0 0.50 for the Imperial team, collecting a victory after This was delayed by breakages to boats which colder than yesterday and in the lighter winds, 34 Hockey M2 7 2 2 3 12 23 -11 0.29 a steady lead. caused racing to be stopped while they were ice had formed on the SALT water of Cardiff 35 Fencing M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 Two matches down, two to go and summing repaired. Our fi fth race eventually started and Bay. While we waited for the round robin to 36 Lacrosse W2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 up the results, Imperial stands strong with two involved the most actual team racing of the fi nish we sat around inside and like good Impe- 37 Badminton W1 7 3 0 4 20 36 -16 -0.14 overall victories. Last opponent for the day is day. I was 1st and Chris 3rd around the fi rst rial students either did work or read the maths 38 ICSM Rugby M1 7 3 0 4 137 193 -56 -0.14 Cambridge, and even though our foilists have mark. Therefore I decide to do a mark trap to and physics books that we had all brought with 39 Netball W3 5 2 0 3 139 129 10 -0.40 to see themselves beaten once again after a try and get Chris past the boat behind. This us. 40 Hockey M1 2 0 1 1 4 6 -2 -1.00 hard fi ght, the sabreurs make it up by swiping almost worked as Chris got through. Unfortu- Eventually the round robin was fi nished and 41 ICSM Football M2 3 1 0 2 8 13 -5 -1.00 the piste and winning by 45-15. As the epeeists nately I was also overtaken so we were still it was announced that the top six teams would 42 Badminton M2 6 2 0 4 25 23 2 -1.00 take their turn, they fi nd themselves facing a in 1-3 going down the run. This is a winning have a round robin while the others would do 43 Squash M3 6 2 0 4 10 18 -8 -1.00 situation similar to the foilists, with one differ- combination, however, it is unstable as the op- a winner stays on competition due to lack of 44 ICSM Hockey M2 6 2 0 4 8 20 -12 -1.00 ence: they half way through the match know position can easily use their boat in second to time. This was very annoying as the main rea- 45 Fencing M3 6 2 0 4 653 708 -55 -1.00 that they’ve already won overall, thanks to the attack your boat in third. Therefore Chris set son for the lack of time was Cardiff’s slow or- 46 Hockey W2 7 2 0 5 10 30 -20 -1.43 sabreurs. up to do another mark trap at mark three. This ganisation. We were tied in second with Read- 47 ICSM Hockey M1 4 1 0 3 6 6 0 -1.75 Only ULU was left for Sunday, giving the proved unnecessary as the boat in two capsized ing in our fl ight. This should have put Reading 48 Rugby M2 8 2 0 6 136 208 -72 -1.75 team a sleep in as an early reward . Once on and I was able to sail past. Our fi nal race of the through on tiebreakers, even more annoying. 49 Cricket M2 5 1 0 4 796 795 1 -2.20 the piste the sabreurs repeate their success day proved another easy win as Chris and I got However the organisers did it a weird way so 50 Hockey M4 5 1 0 4 7 12 -5 -2.20 from the day before. The epeeist follow their 1-2 while Fiona held up to opposition. Reading didn’t go through either. 51 ICSM Hockey W2 5 1 0 4 11 23 -12 -2.20 example, and as they reached the last match After this it was in and time to get changed This now meant we had to wait even longer 525 Fencing W1 5 10 4557 621 -6464 -2.202.20 they had a chance of getting an even better re- and warmed. Unfortunately due to the numer- as we were near the top of the seeding, mean- 535 R Rugbyugby MM33 5 1 0 4 44 148 -1 -10404 - -2.202.20 sult than their friends. The score being 40-10, ous delays the round robin was not fi nished ing we weren’t on until the end. Eventually 545 ICSM Rugby M2 5 10 461 199 -138138 -2.202.20 Marcello gets a sudden blackout and for a sec- for all teams before it got dark so it was an- we were sent out only to get onto the fl oating 555 R Rugbyugby MM44 5 1 0 4 46 19 1977 - -151151 - -2.202.20 ond, the team wonders what is happening as he nounced that it would complete on Sunday pontoon where changeovers were happening 565 Football M1 6 10 5 10 21 -11 -2.502.50 loses 10 points before pulling himself together morning. We then headed back to our hosts to fi nd that one of the boats was broken. This 575 Squas Squashh M2 6 1 0 5 8 22 -14 -2. -2.5050 and fi nishing it off. The foilists were running house to get ready for the social, which had involved more waiting while this problem was 585 Tennis M2 3 0 0 20 22 -22 -2.672.67 up against a much harder task, the ULU team the theme “Where’s Wally”. This involved ev- sorted. Except now we were on a freezing pon- 595 F Footballootball WW11 1 0 0 1 1 6 - -55 - -4.004.00 consisting of only fencers from UK top-5, and eryone dressing up as Wally except for Chris toon in the middle of the water. Eventually we 606 Water Polo M1 10 0 15 10 -55 -4.004.00 though fencing well fi nd themselves defeated. who was volunteered to be Wanda, who is ap- got to race which we promptly lost. We were 6161 F Footballootball M2 3 0 0 3 5 1 144 - -99 -4. -4.0000 Even though the journey home included parently Wally’s sister. This was quite disturb- 4-5-6 by the fi rst mark and a cock up from me, 626 ICSM Badminton M2 40 0 4 725 -1818 -4.004.00 troubles with the trains, the thought that all ing. The social was a buffet meal followed by nearly taking Fiona out did not help. 636 Squas Squashh M1 6 0 0 6 4 26 - -2222 - -4.004.00 matched had been won kept them in a good a night at the excellent Cardiff Union. Suffi ce We then packed up and headed for home. Not 64 ICSM Netball W2 6 0 0 6 115 218 -103 -4.00 mood. With only a couple of weeks to the next to say I do not remember much of the evening too displeased with our 8th place but feeling we round, the last weekend of January at Ethos, it beyond wondering back with Fiona and Iona could have done much better. If you’d like to contributed to some extra confi dence as well as when the Union closed, the others had already come sailing, we welcome experienced sailors a good start of the term and the year. left. I was just about to get into my sleeping and beginners alike. felix FRIDAY 14 January 2011 39 SPORT Cryptic Crossword 1,478 Aussies conquered yet 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 again by (vice-)Captain 9 10 Cook Peter Swallow and Navin Surtani 11 11 12 15

12 hile we were all Fortunately he had already scored 227. Mitch. enjoying the big Still managed to get out in silly ways Tremlett: 8/10 1316 1417 14 18 1915 15 2016 freeze here in Lon- but generally looked good with the The gentle giant came to life and actu- 16 21 don, some of the bat. Might turn into England’s next all- ally scared some of the Aussies and enlightened few of rounder after getting Michael Clarke out walked away with 17 wickets after three 1722 18 23 1824 19 19 25 20 Wus Imperial College students might have in Adelaide. tests. Pretty good return to test cricket. 21 known that the Ashes were going on in Collingwood: 5/10 Tim Bresnan: 8.5/10 the convict colony known as Australia. The ginger ninja foughtg until the end. Half a point for being from Yorkshire. 262220 21 2322 23 25 Too busy revising/partying and don’t Now retired, b butuutt w whathaat a way to go! Surprised many by actually not being know what happened? Here’s a quick Will be rememberedemmeembberereded i inn tht thishisi series for rubbish when brought into the side, es- 24 recap and a player review. ‘that catch’.h’h’. Th Thankshaannksk C Colly!olo lyly! Shame he pecially the Australian batsman as he 2524 2625 England won 3-1, winning down un- couldn’t batatat tthishihis sesseries.erriieses. ran through the top order in Melbourne. der for the fi rst time in 24 years. Led by Bell: 8/10100 some stellar performances, we decided The Sherminatorrmmiinaatotor grg grewrewew u upp tot o terrorise Australian ratings 2627 28 to review each player individually in- the Aussiesiees anaandd wawwass geggenerallyenen rallly unlucky stead of some spiel about who’s mummy to not gett a pproperrroopeper babbatat inin tthishihis sseseries. Fi- Mitchell Johnson: 10/10 isn’t proud of them anymore (yes that’s nally managednnaageged toto ggetetet hhisisis fi rstrstst everev Ashes Let’s face it. Nobody helped England Across ing abnormal, avid inventor (2,5) you Mitch). century. win the Ashes more than Mitch. 1. Mainstream experience heard on piano? 3. Verse disturbed Cyril (5) Prior: 8/1010 Xavier Doherty: 12/10 (6,1) 4. Boy and easterner, neither up for accom- England reviews Beard of thehehe Y Year.eaar.r. AApparently.ppp ararent Record Okay wait maybe he did. He’ll never 5. Girl preferred looking back on error (7) panying man (8) number of catchesatcchehes anaandnd wawwasas brilliantb be- play for Australia again though. Yes 9. Chief exchanging £5 deposit on water’s 5. Arts graduate joined by propulsion sys- Strauss: 7/10 hind the stumpsps meansmmeeaanns hehhe’lle’ be the test that’s twelve out of ten! edge (9) tem builders (6) Led his team bravely unlike several oth- keeper for at leastst a whwwhile.hille As long as the Ricky Ponting: 2/10 10. Instrument supported old person (5) 6. Small space included broad, initially har- er captains before him (cough Freddie beard stays. Will go down in history as being the 11. Process found in sun, careful boiling assed by monster (9) cough). Batted solidly to eventually av- Broad: 6/10 only Aussie captain to lose the Ashes ion? (7,6) 7. Document directory not starting with erage over 40, which is rare for English Malfoy sadlyy gotgoott injuredinjjurureedd eearlya and had three times in the modern era. Sadly 13. Exclusion of love object (7) yarn (7) captains on Aussie soil. to go homeomee bbecauseececaua see ooff a sisside-strain.idede--sstrra Still those two points were for sympathy and 15. Energy the neon provided for organic 8. Hold down English badger on the floor at Cook: 10/10 managedd tto o s smashmam shsh C Clarkelalarkr e on n theth head not for his batting. compound (6) Christmas, perhaps (4,6) 766 runs at an average of 127 he cer- and stealal inintonttoo tthehhee TTMSMSMS bbox.oxox. Mike Hussey: 9/10 17. Top glamour girl dated before (6) 12. Risk everything by preventing collection tainly has shown his potential to be a Swann:nn: 88/10//110 Seriously though. This guy was the only 19. Suspend formal dance for insects? (8) of £200? (2,3,5) great of the modern game. Should we Twowo pointspop iinntsts hereherre forfofor thetht e diary.diarary.y BowledBowowleled Aussie who stood up to be counted. 22. Additional space regarding interior of 14. Football injury from small, high-powered still drop him after his abysmal summer generallyenneeraalllly wew wellelll o onn un unhelpfulnheelplpfuful sus surfaces.rfr acaceess Supposedly had his career on the line, place to wash, perhaps (9,4) machine (6,3) here last year? Yeah, I mean Bopara is a World’sWoorlr dd’s bbebestestt sspinner?pip nnn ere ? PrProbably.obbabbly. he batted like a champion to end up the 25. Single out Imperial in visual terms (5) 16. Geldof may dislike pinch on bottom from better opener anyway. Anderson:ddeersrsonon: 9/99/10/100 second highest scorer in the series. 26. One with campaign falters, coming back carnivore (8) Trott: 9/10 He was supposed to be rubbish in Aus- Steve Smith: 4/10 with contents of stomach, for instance, 18. In King Edward’s time, desire for enter- England’s latest import continued his tralia. He wasn’t. Leading wicket taker Who? not right! (9) tainment here (7) ruthless destruction of the Aussies mak- in the series. ‘Nuff said. 27. Expressive, hairy thing and boy were 20. Support for ceasefire? (7) ing us forget of the dark days when Bo- Finn: 8/10 Barmy Army review: 10/10 playing (7) 21. Tomfoolery observed that all fits togeth- para was no 3. Hard to believe he’s younger than a lot If any of the reviews could be disputed, 28. One gun heard in message from Paul (7) er eventually (6) Pietersen: 8/10 of people at this university. Still bowled this one can’t for sure. They provided 23. Animal moderately rapid after losing England’s original import got out to the better than most of his elders in the Aus- lyrical genius to contribute to Johnson’s Down wings (5) dreaded left arm spin of Xavier Doherty. sie camp by a long way. Apart from golden duck at the SCG. 1. Signature in book collection (4) 24. 8 may fall off this entree, in France as 2. New creations identified primarily follow- well (4)

in association with Fixtures & Results Sports Partnership

Saturday 8 January Wednesday 12 January FENCING BADMINTON LACROSSE Men’s 4th HOCKEY ULU NETBALL ULU Men’s 3rd Happy New Year everyone! Men’s 1st 122 Men’s 1st Men’s 1st UCL Men’s 5th Women’s 1st Women’s 1st St George’s Men’s 1st Bristol 1st 97 London Met 1st Portsmouth 1st St George’s Women’s 1st RUMS 1st Imperial’s sporting season Men’s 5th Women’s 1st is in full swing and we are Men’s 1st 112 Women’s 1st Mixed ULU 1st St Barts Men’s 2nd LACROSSE ULU Women’s 2nd King’s Women’s 1st seeing some stiff competition Cambridge 1st 105 Portsmouth 1st Royal Holloway ULU Mixed Mixed 1st St Barts Women’s 2nd for the Felix Sports League. Men’s 6th St Barts Mixed 1st VOLLEYBALL ULU Thanks to our sponsors Ernst Sunday 9 January FENCING RUGBY UNION King’s Medicals Men’s 5th Women’s 3rd Mixed 1st and Young, we are able to FENCING Men’s 2nd Men’s 2nd RUGBY ULU Imperial Medicals 4th Royal Holloway 1st provide some excellent prizes Men’s 1st 126 King’s 1st King’s Medicals 1st Men’s 7th Women’s 1st at the end of the year for the Oxford 1st 93 School of Slavonic & East King’s Women’s 1st Women’s 4th Mixed 1st winning team. At the end of Womem’s 2nd Saturday 15 January European Studies 2nd LSE 5th UCL Mixed 2nd last year, there were eight Men’s 1st 126 Portsmouth 1st FOOTBALL ULU Monday 17 January teams vying for the top spot University of London 1st 81 Men’s 2nd Sunday 16 January BASKETBALL ULU WATERPOLO ULU and be named Imperial’s Monday 10 January FOOTBALL ULU LSE Men’s 3rd FOOTBALL ULU Men’s 1st SQUASH ULU Men’s 1st Bets Team 2010/11. So, keep VOLLEYBALL ULU Men’s 5th Women’s 1st SOAS Men’s 1st Men’s 2nd UCL Men’s 2nd the reports coming in every- Mixed 1st School of Slavonic & East Men’s 3rd King’s Medicals 1st UCL Men’s 1st one, especailly you Medics St. George’s Mixed 1st European Studies 1st Impeial Medicals 1st out there!!! ISSUE 1478 14.01.11 Cricket captains review the Ashes Page 39 SPORT Felix Sport sponsored by Sailors battle snow & dragons Gavin MacAulay we found our way to host’s house and sized before the beginning of the fi rst rejoined the other members of the team. race. Not fun in sub-zero temperatures. It was a cold Friday night in late No- Saturday morning soon arrived and we Our fi rst race started well with a good vember when a group of six sailors headed off to the sailing club. This was start. One of the other teams was holding headed to Cardiff to compete in the more of a challenge than it may sound Chris up, preventing him from heading Cardiff Dragon team racing event. As as we had to fi t six sailors and all their to the 1st mark, so I went to cover him planned, Chris and Martin had got the gear into my rather small car. However allowing Chris to escape. Unfortunately coach earlier while I was to go home and we managed and soon arrived at the Chris messed this up and did a rather meet the others at the Union for 18:00. club to fi nd people rigging boats in the dodgy move which, if I was on the other Unfortunately I left it a bit late so didn’t snow. Once this was done, we quickly team, would have protested. They did get to the Union till gone 19:00. The headed into the warmth to wait for the not, but Chris promptly went and cap- others piled in while berating me for my briefi ng. However our wait was soon sized again. Smooth. Fortunately Fiona lateness and, with some trepidation, we interrupted by one of the Cardiff sailors and I were able to get a 1-2 to win the headed for Cardiff. Our fear was not un- asking if anyone had jump leads as one race anyway. In our next race, we again justifi ed as this was forecast to be one of their motorboats had a fl at battery. got a good start and while the opposition of the coldest weekends of the year. As Surprisingly I did, so lent them mine, had 1st we had 2-3-4 and were able to we headed off, the radio reported wide- highly reassured by the high level of or- hold on to get our second win. spread ice on the roads, that Cardiff ganisation, or maybe not. Eventually the After a short break we were back out airport was closed due to snow and that briefi ng did occur and after some more and feeling pretty confi dent although there were 26 mile queues on the M4 faffi ng the racing began by about 11:30, we knew we would need to do well to into Cardiff. only two hours late! beat Exeter, our next opposition, who Considering this, our journey went Team racing involves races between were one of the better teams at the surprising smoothly. Once we got out two teams of three boats. In each race event. Unfortunately this was not to be of the standard London evening traf- you score a number of points equal to as a poor start gave them 1-2 around fi c it was smooth driving all the way to your position and the team with the low- the fi rst mark and we were not able to Wales with only a brief stop for food. est total score wins. This results in in- recover. Next up was Reading, a team Near Cardiff the roads were still clear, tense racing as you must use the rules to we thought were of a similar standard with the forecast traffi c not materialis- help your team. If you come 1st but your to us. Again we did not get a great start ing, and while we were slowed slightly team mates are 5th and 6th you still lose. but coming up to the fi rst mark Chris by fog we made good time and arrived at On Saturday the weather was quite was 2nd and I was 3rd. The 1st Read- about 22:30. After a minor navigational windy as demonstrated by our great and ing boat was holding us up trying to get Pardon me if I’m not entirely convinced of the sea worthiness of this error took us into an industrial estate, glorious commodore Chris who cap- ...Continued on Page 43 particular vessel... BUSINESS COMMENT CLUBS & SOCIETIES FILM HANGMAN

Imperial hosts Angry Geek: Screw Original writing on Colin Firth goes for Are you celebrating trading challenge: you all, I hate you: display at Imperial: Oscar in ‘The King’: ‘Grohlmas’ this Page 14 Page 18 Page 24 Page 29 year?: Page 34