Vol. 15, Issue 4

The Caveat Lector

The Bittersweet Goodbye Edition

“I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.” - Michael Scott

Managing Editors Table of Contents Christine Miller Janelle White Letter From the Editors ..……………………………………………………………………………………...3

Editorial Board A Presidential Farewell ..……...………………………………………………………………………………4 Tava Burton The Class of 2019 share some of their sweetest memories from Law School………...4 Shivaun Eberle It’s the Little Things.…………………………………………………………………………………………….5 Connor Ferguson If Law Events were ..……………….……………………………………………………………..5 Darin Gette Erik Heuck Farewell Ladies’ Kickline ..……………………………………………….…………………………………..6 Matthew Scott A Full Spread of Memes ...... 8 Emily Sutherland Court Room 2: Inside the Head of a Mooter ..………….……………………………………….…10 Nikki Brar Ekroop Sekhon A Simple Solution to Save Our College Library from the Hoard of Unwashed SNAILs that Threaten its Integrity ……………………...………………………………………………………….11 Mission Statement Cocktails at Salamander Palace .……………………………………………………………………….12 The Caveat Lector exists to be A Love Letter to the Lawbrary ..………….……………………………………………………………….14 redundant. It also exists to publish and make available Queen Musical Horoscopes for 2019 ..…..…………………………………………………………..15 information and creative works Toast to the 1Ls ..…………………..………………………………………………………………………….16 from law students for law Toast to the 3Ls ..…………………………...….……………………………………………………………..17 students, all while maintaining a standard of journalistic Class of 2019 Superlatives .………………………………………………………………………..…….18 integrity. Well, maybe not integrity, but something close. On the Cover

Disclaimer The Class of 2019 The Editors of The Caveat Lector, in their infinite wisdom, do not necessarily endorse or The condone the opinions included herein. The articles reflect the views of your peers. Take it up with them. Caveat

Email Articles can be submitted for Lector consideration to [email protected]

Address Caveat Lector c/o College of Law Vol 15 15 Campus Drive Saskatoon, SK S7N 5A6 Issue 4

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The Caveat Lector INSIDE THIS ISSUE

Managing Editors Christine & Janelle doing some PR with the Legal Follies hosts. Letter from the Editors by Christine Miller (3L) & Janelle White (3L)

Dear Readers,

It is with great pleasure and great sadness sharing. And, in our humble opinion, life is that we present to you the final issue of much happier when you listen to your peers The Caveat Lector for the 2018-19 school and support them. year. Second, try not to spend your time telling Not only are we leaving the Caveat behind, yourself, “I’ll be less stressed out when...”, šPG. 9 we are departing from the College of Law or “things will get better when…”, “I’ll have forever. It is profound how 3 years can be a life again when…”. Life is happening now What you really came so fleeting, yet contain what seems like a and we hope you remember to live in the here for: memes by Cass. lifetime of memories, words, feelings, moment and enjoy your time here, even We know our readers are fears, realizations, growth. amongst the pressures and the stress. more skimmers than any- We note that what we’ve retained from law And third, always read The Caveat Lector to thing. school has precious little to do with the remind you of the power of perspective and actual law. Instead, there are a few the momentousness of moments. valuable lessons we feel qualified to pass on to you, if you will humour us. We’ve poured every last ounce of love and pleasant remembrance into this final issue. First, we’d like to acknowledge the We filled the blank pages and it felt like we wonderful way that law school highlights were drawing from the very well of our own perspective and personality. We’ve learned experience and emotion. We feel sadly but that every new perspective deepens our sweetly empty, like we’ve spent a day in the understanding of the world around us and hot sun or regurgitated a term’s-worth of helps us to formulate our own ideas and knowledge on an exam and can now return identities. home for a nap. šPG. 12

The people we have met in our brief time Please join us as we reflect back on our Impress guests, future here are incredible, talented and wise in so time together. It has been an absolute employers, and potential many different ways. Embrace your privilege facilitating the publication of this love interests with four individuality and remember that just prestigious periodical. lavish recipes, because someone is better than you at reviewed by Matt Scott Love eternal, something does not mean they are better and Erik Heuck. than you. We all have something to bring to Christine & Janelle

the table; we all have a perspective worth

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A Presidential Farewell The Class of 2019 share some of their sweetest by Brett Maerz (3L) memories from Law School

I’m sitting here trying to figure out school will be your 100% finals this what to type. April. Hunker down, study hard and Breaking the Martini v Martini rec- trust in yourself that you know the ord, holding it and enjoying all the material. I also hope your first year fame and glory it brought for two years, then having it broken in 3L, How do you say goodbye to a of law school was everything you resulting in all of the heat being chapter of your life? Your college? wanted it to be and more. taken off of me before starting Your classmates? Serving as your articles.—Anonymous president this year has been very challenging but even more The atmosphere in our college is The first year curling tournament rewarding. I have learned so much unlike any other law college in the when our “Button Chops” cos- from all of you. country. We are incredibly tumes won the best costume fortunate to go to school here. We prize! Even though our team actu- earn the title of ‘friendliest law ally got dead last in the tourna- It is my sincerest hope that I did school’ for a reason – the number ment itself.—Amanda Kimpinski you and the college proud. of academic, athletic, social and club events we host, and the Being in law school, while at times camaraderie and support between is hectic and stressful, will always I would like to thank this year’s LSA the years compares to no other. be one of the most fun time peri- Council for their hard work and ods of my life. Highlights for me include: playing trombone with commitment to their positions. A The Dissent, Challenge Cup, Law special thank you goes to my Continue to hold each other and Games, Man Calendar photo executive team – Abbie, Colleen, the LSA accountable to this title. shoots, and seeing our talent at Niki, Steph, Christine, Aly, Connor Legal Follies, while ending the and Matt. Without your time and night by being on stage with the crowd. But above all, grabbing the dedication, we wouldn’t have had With that, it’s been a pleasure. See fish and running for dear life will the year we did. Thank you, thank ya in the real world, always be my favourite memory. you, thank you. All the best to my fellow class- Brett mates! “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take and I’m al- ways down for shots.” - Bryden When I walk out of these doors one Wudrich last time, I have faith that the legacy of USask Law will continue on through the high caliber of Crayon Bomb.—Michael Marschal students left behind. Trying to have a discussion with Prof. Newman on current geopolit- Class of 2020 – you’re so incredibly ical issues while drunk at the law close to finishing 2HELL, and that’s formal.—Anonymous an accomplishment in and of itself. Soon you too will be skipping Trying to keep a straight face classes and dragging your feet until while practicing oral submissions the last possible moment, just as (for first year moot) in front of my any 3L should. newly moustached husband during Movember. I think the ridiculous- ness of that moment, combined with the total terror of a first-time Class of 2021 – mad props to your moot, cemented a life-long friend- class for consistently coming out to Your 2018-19 LSA Executive engaging in ship with my moot partner.— social and sporting events (and some self-gratification. We’re not going Anonymous to name them all. You either know them winning most of them). The last already or you don’t care. step of your official welcome to law

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It’s the Little Things If Law Events were Cocktails by Madison Kowalchuk (3L) by Bryden Wudrich (3L)

My favourite memory of law school It will always be that feeling, Hello, I’m Bryden. You might is not confined to one moment, but crammed into the library, waiting know me as the original fish instead is a multitude of moments - those last two minutes before we thief (really trying to keep that those small, “non-event” memories got the “go-ahead” to start our legacy alive), that guy that sort law school unknowingly gave us exams. It will be the corresponding of looks like Simon, or the per- son that had a cocktail compe- every day. The memories from the relief and indescribable sense of tition that one time. Given times we sat in the library or in community upon completion, that these three labels, I decided to class, where nothing particularly we made it through yet another take an intimate look at law special was going on, and yet class, only slightly maimed. The events by comparing them to everything particularly special was ability to walk into any social cocktails. Sit back, pour your- happening. gathering feeling at home, knowing self whatever you like, and en- you’ll find a friendly face. It will be joy!

the sadness felt at the end of every When I look back, law school will year, where you have to say a Formal always be the stale but comforting temporary good-bye to the faces smell of the books in the library. and place that made it an amazing Old-Fashioned. Sure, it looks The sound of the students quickly and fulfilling experience each and classy and sophisticated on the typing, occasionally interrupted by a every step of the way. outside, but there is very little page flip. The neon-orange desks in separating you from the . the basement that could be straight from “That 70’s Show”. The ability This goodbye is no longer A Guest Speaker at to lean back in those out-dated temporary; it is more of a Lunch with Free Pizza fluffy blue chairs and appreciate permanent nature. The small where you’re sitting, what you’re things we don’t always pay attention Watered down, free, casino working on and who is surrounding to, the “non-event” memories are highball. You’re there to get you. my favourite and are the ones I will something free, but still, a price miss the most. I will always cherish is being paid. the deep sense of gratitude I feel Law school will always be Marie towards each and every person I Legal Follies Dingey’s bright smile and positive passed in the halls, the detailed attitude. Michael Marschal’s picture of the library engrained in Fingers Cup. You never know sophisticated questions that made my memory and the ability to have what you’re getting yourself me wonder if we were sitting in the experienced it all in a whirlwind of into, but you do know that you won’t be leaving sober. same class (also his timely and three years. never-fail one-a-class sneeze that made me smile every time). Janna December After Finals Mitchell’s cup of tea that Party accompanied her everywhere she went. The silence that came over Mojito. You have the sweetness the room when Professor Cuming of being done finals without any bitterness of knowing your started each day with “Good grades. morning ladies and gentlemen”. Kosta Stamatinos’s blue-grey toque that indicated we hadn’t escaped A Party Shortly After winter, not just yet. Ian McRobbie’s Marks Come Out infectious laugh that never failed to make the person next to him Mojito, but no mint, sugar, or soda water. So just rum. chuckle. You’ve realized that you have Madi and friends at the Law Formal no idea what you’re doing. (continued on next page)

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Networking Events Farewell Ladies’ Kickline A shot your friend bought you. by Amanda Kimpinski (3L) & Allison Thoms (3L) You might not want to take it, but you know you have to.

Family Events White . It’s sweet, but after a while you realize how appreciative you are that all other types exist.

First Day Kegger Martini. It sounded like a good idea when you ordered it, but little did you know your future is about to be full of pain, both emotionally and physically.

2019 Ladies' Kickline, photo by: Shelby Fitzgerald Law Games Well, what can we say – the Nicole Krupski – Thank you Craft . Y’all don’t shut up Ladies’ Kickline has been, and for whipping everyone into about it. always will be, one of our shape since first year. You favourite parts of law school. have been a huge asset to the ladies’ kickline, and a great It’s what brought us together friend to the both of us. It in first year, what drove us wouldn’t be kickline without crazy in second year, and what you! Love, Amanda and Allison solidified our love of, and appreciation for, the College Sylvia Borowska – We were this year. It has brought us so excited you gave the amazing friends and hilarious kickline a try last year and memories, and for that we are rejoined this year! We loved so grateful. having you and had so much For those of you who had the fun! You rocked it this year. opportunity to witness the Love, Amanda and Allison beauty that is the Ladies’ Brooklyn Fiesel – We were Kickline, you got a glimpse of so glad you decided to come the fun we’ve had over the last back for the final year and three years. have some fun with us! It was For those of you who joined us great having you. Thanks for for practices and all the laughs. Love, Amanda performances, you know and Allison exactly what we mean. Ladies’ Cassondra Losynsky – Kickline is an experience like Cass! We still both don't none other. understand how you always And while we appreciate each look so flawless, but we’re so Bryden slinging sauce at the and every one of the ladies grateful you graced the Lucky Bastard bartending com- that participated in kickline, kickline with your beauty and wit these last couple of years. petition, where he did not win. we wanted to take the time to thank the “veterans” who We had so much fun! Love, performed in their final Amanda and Allison kickline this year and who went through this journey with us over the past few years. (continued on next page)

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Laura Schaan – Your obvious dance background (I mean, look at those calves) and dedication to the kickline these past 3 years is much appreciated! Thanks for all the memories. We loved having you! Love, Amanda and Allison

And of course, the boys!

duties. Thank you for being We’re sad to bid adieu to our such a good sport! time with the Kickline, but we Noor Mann – Thank you cannot wait to come back next for stepping up and being year and watch the Ladies’ willing to save the show Kickline kill it from the when we needed you most. audience. We know you and Adam were already busy with other stuff, but we are so grateful that you did this for us, and you killed it!

Connor Anear – Thank you for being our OG 2019 Kickline Boys, Photos by: kickline guy and sticking it Shelby Fitzgerald out for the full three years. You’ve been such a good Bryden Wudrich – You sport through it all, and killed the choreography right you rocked those nipple from the get-go. Thank you tassels hard this year (until for carrying the team with one fell off and got stuck to your determination and my foot…– Amanda). You’ll enthusiasm. We were so always have a special spot P.S. Special shout-out to Mel grateful for you! in our hearts and we’ll miss for choreographing the having you around the amazing Bootylicious dance this Cody Francon – Your province. year, Beth Kimpinski for always focus and practice really paid helping us with choreo, and off, even though we threw a It really has been the Rebecca Farthing for getting ton of stuff at you so last best three years we our music ready! minute! Thank you for could have asked for… stepping up and saving 2017:1L 2018:2L 2019: 3L the day. We were pumped to have you this year! Adam MacNeil– Even Love you all, though you missed the only practice we had for + you guys, you still brought A A your A-game and crushed both performances, all while juggling your historian

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A Full Spread of

by: Cass Lozynsky (3L)

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Court Room 2: Inside the Head of a Mooter by Owen Pennock (2L) and Erik Heuck (2L)

[As a preliminary note, Owen’s writing is So annoyed when the judge started bringing up reproduced in regular text, while Erik’s is the Chamber of Commerce. Like, really? It’s not in italicized.] the facts! Years of watching television have rendered me Owen’s a salt and pepper guy. The respondents unable to sit still for 60 minutes, which is not ideal don’t really seem to understand the facts. Salt and when competing in a moot. Instead, in an attempt pepper hair, red beard, a big man. I had a real to look busy while sitting at the Laskin, I wrote fucking stutter in the middle. Probably 6’3”. down my stream-of-conscious thoughts as they came to me. Afterwards, Erik suggested that we The hair is professor, or a tweed suit a professor publish our notes, to give people an idea of what would wear. Facts! They are adding facts! Fuck! goes on in the mind of someone mooting. I never Fuck that! intended to have them published, but here they The beard is a bit Gimli. White spreading like frost are: across a field. Justice Gravel made a face at me at Moot 1 one point that just completely threw me for a loop. I thought professional wizards in robes stood up to Man, adrenaline is a good drug. plead with the hearts of a people. Throwing him I am so, so happy that we had Justice Turcotte fucking softball questions (writer’s note: I realize when we did. Justice Turcotte totally called our the irony of me complaining about this now.) “Do bullshit. These Justices are so soft and gentle. the right thing.” They were throwing us softballs. I’m no wiz, but I’m wearing a suit that cost my half Owen is absolutely blowing the minds of this panel. of this month’s rent, making pleas of my own to Owen, say the fucking paragraph numbers next superiors from across the country (Montreal and time. Toronto mostly). Not going to call him out on 2(a) judges? What the fuck? Took at face value that it I’m so glad we didn’t go second so we don’t have was s 2(a) violation! WTF! I thought I was to respond to any counter-arguments. Just settle convincing! down, they aren’t such big deals up there. I don’t really understand French, but the other side Let the sharks live, and stop this finning, man. doesn’t seem to be doing very well. They have just sort of stopped asking them questions altogether. Seems they have gotten I was so worried that they weren’t going to give bored. He’s just fucking talking. Erik enough time to get to Freedom of Equality, and that I was going to have to make something Moots make it easier to handle the weight: you can up on the spot. I didn't even get to touch on take it on your feet. morality. I wish Justice Turcotte was here. They fell right into my trap by using Hardy, which I Thanks Owen. totally trashed. Good answer though. Come up with something for trade and commerce. They just conceded that the legislation would be valid if the Court takes out two words. Fine by me! At the two-minute card, wrap it up. Cast Away is a pretty good movie. Moot 2 Barring any upsets by school/équipe 18, Owen and I have completed our appeal to this most superior court on the matter of shark finning. Holy shit that was a tough panel. Did I come on too strong? I hope not. I sort of evaded their questions a little too much. I was also a little too casual. I’m so annoyed I never got to do my extended outro, it was so good. This is a moot court, but all the same, standing up, arguing my side against professionals, she’s been a “tough The Laskin moot team: Owen, Alyssa, Erik and Jenine go”.

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A Simple Solution to Save Our College Library from the Hoard of Unwashed SNAILs that Threaten its Integrity by Anonymous

There is no dispute that SNAILs who can gain entry to the library. College of Law will no longer are nothing more than carrot- Further, it is generally noted that accept graduates (or people who chomping, portable videogame since law students are welcome have completed 2-3 years and playing, smelly tuna sandwich to study in any other library on just can’t wait to graduate to go eating, microbiology studying campus, including those to law school) from the Edwards losers who want nothing more designated by a specific area of School of Business program, than to turn the magnificent study, for example the Health unless Edwards promises to pay cathedral that is the Law Library Science Library or Education for the necessary security into a disreputable den of Library, that it is only fair that our measures needed to provide law orgiastic potato chip crunching. Library remain open to SNAILs. students with the peace and Some of them, I assume, are However, us law students are too quiet they need to study law. good people, but we must face clever and quick-witted to be Although I did not attend the fact that most of them are drawn into such ridiculous and Edwards for my undergrad, and undesirable and unwanted valid arguments, for we know know little about the education within our Library, and that an that the Law Library is our they offer, I think I am justified in explicit ban of non-law students undisputed domain, and that any assuming that the vast majority is the only reasonable measure intrusion into it by SNAILs of any of their student body only goes to ensure the safety, quietude, variety is a risk to the purity and there as a way to get into law and integrity of our Library. dignity of our College itself. school, and thus threatening And that’s really what this comes Though our resolution to remove them with the possibility of down to: that the Law Library is all SNAILs from our Library is denying their graduates ours, that it belongs to the solid and unwavering, there has admission to our law school College of Law and serves to always been the simple problem would be sufficient to cause benefit the students of that that investing in the security them to pay for our security college and not others. infrastructure required to system. Now, certain administrators, prevent SNAIL entry into the Further, since the College of Law including a certain Dean of Law library is costly, and the often- will not have to foot the bill for and a certain LSA President, mentioned solution of the security system itself, we can have pointed out that like every demanding key cards for entry be free to demand the most other campus library the Law into the library would inevitably cutting-edge technology, with Library is open to all U of S result in a significant rise in annual updates, knowing happily students and is funded generally tuition. In response to this that the financial burden will be by the University and not problem, I have a clear solution placed on the backs of business specifically by the College of with no potential downside: students. So, UBC or Osgoode or Law, and therefore it is simply Make Edwards Pay For It! whoever has key cards? ultra vires for the College or the The solution is simple, the Whatever, we’ll have retinal LSA to make rules pertaining to (Continued on next page)

The Caveat Lector | Volume 15, Issue 4 12 scanning, facial recognition Of course, it is possible that Edwards will call our technology, Mission: Impossible bluff and refuse to pay, in style laser traps, and of course which case we will simply intimidating armed guards go forward with not allowing any of their posted at all entry points into the students to apply here, so library (because no matter the like I said, there’s no real advances in technology there’s a downside to this plan. certain personal touch that you can only get from tough looking goons). Cocktails at Salamander Palace This is clearly the only way to by Matthew Scott (2L) & Erik Heuck (2L) safeguard our Library from the I like to make cocktails to in my apartment. Sometimes I share with indignity of having people study my roommate, Erik. things other than law in it, and Here are four that I have made and drank recently. They are not all clas- the only way to save ourselves sics, nor are they necessarily a good introduction to the cocktail world. from the existential threat of You will learn very little from this article, but we had a nice time doing it. having to hear SNAILs whisper Erik has provided his tasting notes, which I find perceptive and insightful. and possibly make-out in front of us while we try to understand the The Montreal Cocktail finer points of the Torrens I first tried this cocktail in the Summer of 2017 at a , and then several system. more bars, in Montreal. This cocktail was in fact invented that Summer by fifteen Montreal bartenders who wished to toast to the city of Montreal’s The purity and sanctity of our 375th birthday. As I understand it, this cocktail is meant to celebrate Library requires the exclusion of Montreal in a way that reflects on its foundations. For that purpose, it incorporates London dry gin (England), Suze (France), and domestically these unwanted intruders, and produced rye whisky (Canada). The Italian aperitivo, Aperol, goes demanding that someone else mysteriously unexplained. I quite like this drink. pay for the security measures Recipe: necessary to keep them out is ¾ ounce London Dry Gin (I used Tanqueray No. Ten) the only way to prevent us from having to pay for it ourselves. ¾ ounce Rye Whisky (I used Crown Royal Northern Harvest) ¾ ounce Suze Thus, getting Edwards to pay for ¾ ounce Aperol our Library’s advanced security Add ingredients to a chilled mixing glass, stir over ice, then strain system is the only reasonable into a chilled coupe. Garnish with a grapefruit twist. conclusion to this imminent threat to our College, and I Tasting Notes: strongly encourage anyone Looks Like: Leeloo Dallas, multi-pass; a Halloween potion; jell-o. running for LSA positions to make this an integral part of At first blush, the plantiness of the gin invites you for a visit. Then their election platform, and to the whisky sits down a bit too close and karates you in the throat, but he’s a good friend and you haven’t seen him in a while. To be disregard those that rationally honest, you were starting to miss his antics. point out that this is way out of the LSA’s jurisdiction. (Continued on next page)

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The Manhattan This drink has reportedly been prominent since the late nine- teenth century. For good reason, too: it’s tasty as heck. Like many classic cocktails, there are plenty of bastardizations out there for you to try. I like to keep my Manhattans simple. I use high quality ingredi- ents and Manhattan’s area code (212) to get this drink where I want it to be. Recipe: 2 ounces rye (I used Michter’s Single Barrel) 1 ounce sweet vermouth (I used Carpano Antica For- The Montreal Cocktail mula) 2 dashes Angostura Bitters Add ingredients to a chilled mixing glass, stir over ice, then strain into a chilled coupe. Garnish with a lemon twist. Tasting Notes: Looks Like: melted maraschino cherries and brown sugar with a yellow superman curl. You know when a big Italian man wears a suit and it’s really tight around the neck? See also: the crackle of record nee- dle—crisp paper dust pops. The Elder Fashion The Manhattan This was my first time making this drink. I made it because I saw a picture of it in a book I have, and it looked really nice. This is a slight adaptation of Death & Co.’s recipe, but don’t hold it against me. This cocktail is a light, botanical play on the classic Old-Fashioned template. Different gins will yield different results, but the St-Germain is always going to be prominent. Recipe: 2 ounces Gin (I used Botanist) ½ ounce St-Germain 2 dashes Angostura Orange Bitters 1 dash Angostura Bitters The Elder Fashion Add ingredients to a chilled mixing glass, stir over ice, then strain into a double rocks glass over one large ice cu- be. Garnish with a grapefruit twist. Tasting Notes: Looks Like: my high school girlfriend’s sparkle balls; things your grandma likes; nice curtains. This one smells like old people, yet all at once, I am drawn- back to the first sip of a Canadian Cooler (2L) on that warm April night in grade 10. What follows is pure ecstasy.

(Continued on next page) The Mai Tai

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The Mai Tai A Love Letter to the Lawbrary This was another first-timer for me. Erik asked that I by Mackenzie Stewart (2L) try my hand at a Mai Tai such that he might relive fond memories of getting blasted with his dad, Dear Lawbrary (if I may deign to call you by such an intimate Georg, on the island of Oahu. I shy away from the name), I think of you often on these dreary winter days. Perhaps it Tiki genre because this style of cocktail typically re- is because we spend such long and intimate hours together within quires fifteen different rums, three syrups, fresh cit- your sacred and dated architectural sanctum. I will admit I was rus, and the blood of Adam Sandler’s character in once afraid of you. Your penetrating silence and the weary faces of 50 First Dates. The martyr that I am, I acquiesced. second year students terrified me in the dawn of my law school ca- This is not your grocery store pre-mix Mai Tai. If reer. Now, however, our relationship has bloomed, and I seem to spend done properly, one of these should put you in the every waking hour within you. Sometimes I wonder what it is that state required to survive an LSA AGM. draws me to you? Is it your eternal 60s décor? Your portraits of stern- There are quite a few different ways to make an ac- faced legal minds? Is it the fact that Jeanine and Jessica never seem ceptable Mai Tai. Here’s one that worked for us. to leave? Or is it that distinct feeling that someone is watching me at Recipe: all times from your super-villainesque third floor rooms? I don’t 1 ounce demerara rum (I used El Dora- know what it is, but when I am with you my heart pounds with anxi- do 12 Year) ety and my eyes water from your ever-brilliant fluorescent lighting. 1 ounce Jamaican rum (I used Appleton Oh Lawbrary, you have seen the test of time. Countless students have Estate 12 Year Rare Blend) cried within your neon orange basement study carrels. Your stacks ¾ ounce fresh squeezed lime have bent under the weight of the texts of countless pedantic scholars. It feels as if you have seen everything there is to see, and yet you ¾ ounce orgeat syrup (you can make push on. And Lawbrary, my dear friend, confidante, and stern com- your own, but I used Small Hand and found it to be quite good) panion, I weep to think of the things you must endure. The SNAILs, oh the SNAILs. They with their crunchy carrots and loud conversa- 2 barspoons of a darker, high proof rum tions, they do not truly understand the weight of your majesty. (I used Kraken) They believe that you are just another library in which to defile with Mint their Edwards School of Business sweaters and science textbooks. Do Add all ingredients except the dark rum to a they not know that we do not do science here? shaker tin. Shake on ice until you feel in your And so, my dear friend, I am remiss to tell you that we cannot make heart that it is ready to drink. Pour into a fun vessel of some sort, over crushed or pebbled you our exclusive domain. I have learned that something about public ice. Gently float the dark rum on top. Slap a funding and open access makes you available to those others who do mint sprig and stick it in there to garnish. not understand your raw power. If only they knew the countless hours of organization our dear librarians have done to truly make Tasting Notes: you great. Alas, we keep those doors open, nary a key card in sight. Looks Like: Hunter S. Thompson on a beach. Unfortunately, my proposal to put in place a large animatronic stat- Matt is a perfectionist. He squeezed the limes ue of Lord Denning who says “Get out SNAILs” outside the main with his bare hands. He pounded the ice with a doors has been rejected. Instead we must soldier on together and save hammer (on our countertop for what it’s worth). our glares for those who disrupt the heavily entrenched social norms. He mixed the drink like a wizard. Then, with a sure backhand, he smashed the vessel holding Finally, my dear, I must ask your forgiveness in advance, for the his potion as if to say, “not good enough!” wrongs I will do during exam season. Please do not judge me for the While I cleaned the mess off the cupboards and horrors I am about to write on my final exams. I know not what I do ceiling (this is my role now and I have accepted not know, and Lawbrary, when it comes to Administrative Law, I it), he began anew. He crafted with fury in his fear that is a lot. So, my dear, I hope you will look past this, and open eyes. He spanked the mint leaves like a new- your loving embrace to me next year again, in the 3-4 times during born. 3L that I decide to visit.

The drink is a long day in the sun, it’s freshness Yours in glorious silence, on salty lips. In short: pretty good, 6/10. Mackenzie C. Stewart

The Caveat Lector | Volume 15, Issue 4 15

Queen Musical Horoscopes for 2019 by Aurora*

Capricorn (Dec 22nd – Jan 19th) Taurus (Apr 20th – May 20th) Virgo (Aug 23rd – Sept 22nd) Have fun, rock out, “let it all hang “Tell me, how do you feel?” Your Buddy, you’ve done the hard out,” and do it with people you emotions will be often at the sur- work, and now you’re “gonna love. It’s important to let loose face for you in 2019. That’s okay. take on the world.” It’s just and just have fun. You’re good at Your emotions and feelings are poised for you to make a magnifi- it and that’s peak 2019. The valid and important. Expressing cent entrance (think: both doors stress will melt away with dance them in creative outlets will give at the same time type of feeling). moves and others will be envious. you a sense of calm that you did- Invite them to the party. n’t know you were searching for Walk up music: We Will Rock You but needed all along. Your jam: Fat Bottomed Girls A different type of meditation Libra (Sept 23rd – Oct 22nd) song: Good Old Fashioned Lover Aquarius (Jan 20th – Feb 18th) Boy 2018 was a year where you had a few obstacles in your path. 2019 You would be the murderer in will be vastly different. “This murder mysteries and no one Gemini (May 21st – Jun 20th) time… it’s for real;” the success would be able to figure it out. that is. It will not be fleeting. “Extraordinarily nice” and you 2019 will be a year of reconcilia- Take this year of you and map don’t let on what’s going through tion for you. Let go of any grudg- out a long-term plan to keep your your mind. This will be a good es or resentments; they’re hold- good streak going. asset as a lawyer but beware of ing you back. It will be a process, this impacting your personal rela- but at the end of the day you will Elevator CD track with meaning: I tionships. feel “good… [and]… satisfied” and Want to Break Free find clarity moving forward. Tongue in cheek rhymes: Killer Queen Reflection piece: Death on Two Scorpio (Oct 23rd – Nov 21st) Legs This new year brings a crucial

Pisces (Feb 19th – Mar 20th) time for self-reflection for you. Cancer (Jun 21st – Jul 22nd) “Are you happy,” truly happy? “Like a tiger, defying the laws of You’ve given so much of yourself gravity,” your 2019 will bring you Unfortunately, you’re going for others, it’s time to focus on to new heights. Let bygones be through a tough time. “Outside yourself, something you’ve been bygones and stride into the new the dawn in breaking” and you avoiding. Why is that? Breathe year with confidence! The only have to get up and start another deeply and get to the heart of the person who’s doubting you and long day. Don’t despair though, matter. your abilities is yourself. Have this won’t last forever. Good courage and take one day at a times are on the horizon, and you Ironic song for self-awareness: time. will be more than ready to greet Another One Bites the Dust them. Anthem: Don’t Stop Me Now Uphill climb motivation: The Show nd Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec Must Go On 21st) Aries (Mar 21st – Apr 19th) People will be telling you that For you, 2019 will pass quickly. Leo (Jul 23rd – Aug 22nd) “you’re my sunshine and I want “This world has only one sweet you to know” all year. Your genu- moment” should be taken as a You might “take a look in the mir- ine energy is radiating from you reminder to appreciate the little ror and cry” every once in a with no sign of slowing down. things. You’ve got a big year while, but a cry can be good for Make sure to take some time for ahead and big changes are on the you. Oftentimes it may seem as yourself, you deserve it - you horizon. While it’s tempting to though you are on your own, but awesome human. want to live in the future, find a there are a lot of people who are way to be grounded in the pre- rooting for you. Don’t give up. Feel good tune: You’re My Best sent. Friend A classic: Somebody to Love Gratefulness melody: Who Wants to Live Forever *Terrestrial name: Tava Burton (3L)

The Caveat Lector | Volume 15, Issue 4 16

Toast to the 1Ls by Taylor Wilcox (3L)

What can I say about the in 2L and ascend your throne in Class of 2021? 3L. Whether it is breaking the martini record at the Robertson To be honest, I am not sure Stromberg reception, or what to say, as I only know dominating Challenge Cup, you maybe 10 of you on a personal too will continue to leave your basis. When I asked some other mark on the college for a lifetime 3Ls for insight into the just as those in odd year classes happenings of first semester, the have before you. Please continue common response was best your fun loving and outgoing articulated by President Brett: “I ways and resist the anonymous weirdly don’t remember much caveat article writing ways of the about them either.” However, as Class of 2020. tradition dictates, it is time for a departing 3L to reflect on and instill some knowledge to the 1L Brains, Brawn and Beauty? class, so here goes nothing. Generally, it is no surprise to hear the first years gripe about Keeping with Tradition their term one exams. However, your class has taken it to the As you learned in the first week next level. First term exam Taylor on a strategic exchange in of school, tradition is important period was not without (somewhere in Europe) that allowed to our college. I was pleased to controversy for the 1L classes. him to avoid having to actually meet see that the 1L class is more Whether relying on Piv’s CANS any 1Ls this year. than willing to participate in the (the guy was ONLY a silver schools most hallowed rituals, medalist) and citing cases which continue to uphold the traditions old and new. How else will we were not spoken about in class, of the college and represent it keep the friendly moniker if not or “using the washroom” to with the utmost professionalism by hurling buns at the speakers gander at the Google Doc during and respect. And although each during formal? What fun it is it to an exam, the 1L class sure year may badger and bug the have a cardboard fish suspended brought entertainment to the others (see: the “dud year” in the library if you are not college in an otherwise reference) it is important to allowed to steal it and later be melancholy time. But do not remember that when in the threatened that the party thrown worry, what you lack in brains, college, we are all one family. in your honour is to be cancelled you make up for in brawn. It has Our college is made up of if it is not returned? The College been many moons since this remarkable folks, all who bring of Law is rife with tradition, from college has seen a class so their own unique character to Challenge Cup to Legal Follies, athletically dominant. Take, for the college. The Class of 2021 is and I am delighted to know that example, Julie Labach or Elliot no different, and for this, USask they will be continued to the Peterson, both fine athletic is lucky. On behalf of the Class fullest extent by the Class of specimens. The Class of 2021’s of 2019, I would like to extend 2021. athletic prowess, although poorly our best wishes to the Class of displayed at Law Games, is 2021. We have no doubt that something that will strike fear you will exemplify excellence as The Resurgence of Greatness into other years during your time you represent the college and The College of Law experiences a in the college. Harness this, and eventually the profession. rare phenomenon every two exploit it, because if MacLean’s years, where the incoming class contracts grades are any is a carbon copy of the outgoing indication, it could be the only Cheers to you, way you make it out of here. class. Lucky for the Class of Class of 2021! 2021, you have been blessed by the curse of greatness. You will undoubtedly be sandwiched Cheers to You! between two “dud year” classes In all seriousness, I am proud to next year. But do not fret. If you have shared the college (for 4 channel your inner greatness, months) with the Class of 2021. you will be the life of the college I am confident that this class will

The Caveat Lector | Volume 15, Issue 4 17

Toast to the 3Ls by Dali Holloway (1L)

You are about to learn why the jerking fact pattern that actually lurking, making sure we felt class of 2019 was the best (or makes sense (contracts, I’m not included; from correcting keg possibly the most distracting?) looking at you). stand posture on the first night 3L class to welcome us timid 1Ls to being a shoulder to cry on into the cult I like to call the after midterms, you truly did College of Law. You helped us burn calories in live up to the collegiality standard uSask is (still) (what seems like hundreds of) intramural sports, sports known for. From coffee runs to First, let’s start with tournaments, and intense informative panels, as the year something that really matters foosball matches. You chased us went on we spent more and - looks. From the first day the with nerf guns and rolled up more time with you and whispers began: “why are they socks through an abyss of developed friendships that will all so good looking?”, “are we judging (but jealous) business last long after you leave (and meant to look this put students, and you slept soundly after the college becomes together?”, “do you think they while we ran into the night, evil significantly quieter). You taught sleep with 1Ls?”. With your looks fish in hand. You helped us gain us how to take someone under and cool demeanour, we were all all those calories back by inviting your wing (even when they convinced that law school must us to spend every free moment might not want it (even when be a cake walk and you come at the endless list of bars that they tell you that they do not out the other side looking and seem to ask, “the usual?” want it)) and show them the feeling better than when you “please don’t drink as much this ropes. You were a wise, loud, started and engaged to a time” “Jesus Christ” or “back less problematic older sibling professional athlete. We have again so soon? No, seriously, who was always around and who since found out that this is in you were here like 3 hours ago, will be missed dearly when you fact not the case, but somehow don’t you guys do any work?” move out. you never failed to look and act You definitely know how to like you had done every reading, have a good time, but I made it to the gym every digress. While humility is not a word I morning and had never been left would use to describe the class on “read”. You exuded of 2019… “GOAT” might be. confidence from day one, and as Early on we found ourselves From the wise words of Gandhi: the year went on, we realized it nervous, excited, overwhelmed, wasn’t an act at all. and keeping it quiet that we “It’s not a goodbye, it’s a see ya later.” didn’t actually understand what CANs were, but as time passed (I’m pretty sure Gandhi said that). Whether it was a sports you kept us excited and tournament, formal event, firm engaged, introducing us to reception, or “casual” night on anyone that passed, weighing in the town, you never failed to on everything from study bring your A-game. You taught strategies and professors, to us that in stressful times we surviving firm receptions and can’t forget to have a sense career fairs. Soon Facebook of humour, whether this meant became everyone’s most used laughing at ourselves or laughing social media and the days I at the 2Ls. We now know not to didn’t wake up to 4 friend take ourselves too seriously all requests, 12 new groups chats, the time, and that we never and 8947 posts on the LSA page need to take the 2Ls seriously. were rare and usually meant the wifi was down. No one could ever say our first year of law You taught us to stay true to school was lonely, and the who we are and let the consensus is that we wouldn’t friendships fall into place. have wanted it any other way. Your class has the perfect mix of crowd pleasers, jocks, gold medalists, and class clowns, and In a less drunk Ward, more Dali leaning hard into some 3L love. somehow the groups all fit Captain K at law games kind of together like a beautiful tear- way, you were always there

The Caveat Lector | Volume 15, Issue 4 18

Class of 2019 SUPERLATIVES

Most likely to name-drop judges Most likely to wear sweatpants to Most likely to be an editor of the in court –Mike Albert work –Tava Burton McGill Guide –Jelaina Germain

Most likely to solve the access to Most likely to send gifs around Most likely to be a Pro Bono rock- justice crisis –Candace Al- the office –Brandon Cain star! -Cheryl Giesbrecht mightyvoice Most likely to pose hypotheticals Most likely to let the client run Most likely to introduce himself at to a judge –John Cullen their own mediation -Gurpreet Gill court as Henry Anderson –Hasith Andrahennadi Most likely to wear his touque to Most likely to look like Mark Bray- trial and get mistaken for the ac- ford in 20 years –Jordan Graham Most likely to earn the most mon- cused –Luke Brisebois ey and manage it responsibly – Most likely to be a genuinely nice Connor Anear Most likely to be the voice of the person –Joseph Han Criminal Code audiobook – Most likely to squat 1000lbs – Jeremia Chow Most likely to see you in court but Jared Aumiller pretend he doesn’t know you – Most likely to bring her dog to Jesse Hayward Most likely to cross examine work on the first day of articles – someone for so long they confess Tie between Antonela Cicko and Most likely to end up going to –Jaskiran Bajwa Emily Sutherland med school –Sunam Jassar

Most likely to open for Drake Most likely to never litigate – Most likely to become a law pro- (catered by Manos on 8th) - Erindeep Dhaliwal fessor -Zoe Johansen-Hill Alexandra Barlas Most likely to bring fresh baking Most likely to get BFF necklaces Most likely to have her assistant to the office –Marie Digney with Prof Bangsund –Cory schedule her meetings half an Kapeller hour late so she can make it on Most likely to be found in a Star- time –Natania Bartlett bucks line –Carly Dobbs Most likely to age really really well ;) -Amanda Kimpinkski Most likely to never practice crim- Most likely to have a mid-life cri- inal law –Mitch Barry sis –Shivaun Eberle Most likely to go to law games as an alum –Kate Kirkpatrick Most likely to organize firm-wide Most likely to be the first to retire fitness classes –Brianne Beckie –Dean Ehrmantraut Most likely to find holes in your argument but be nice about it – Most likely to be late for trial – Most likely to post his salary on Erica Klassen Mark Bell LinkedIn –Rob Emes Most likely to burn a hole in her Most likely to have way more Most likely to bill while watching a keyboard –Madison Kowalchuk work than you but still offer to hockey game –Emily Erhardt help you out –Josee Berthelet Most likely to star in her own re- Most likely to ‘dab’ in court after ality show pilot –Nicole Krupski Most likely to return for a Masters winning an application –Cody of Law –Peter Beug Francon Most likely to be “creative” with tax planning –Mervin Kwok Most likely to skip out on articling Most likely to organize an office to “go for a rip” -Landon Beuker foosball league –Tie between Most likely to be a household Brady Fetch and Tarren John name… in Swift Current –Alex Most likely to specialize in fighting Laird open liquor tickets –Monique Most likely to travel the world Bews from credits for delayed flights Most likely to get caught juuling and lost luggage –Brooklyn Fiesel in his office –Jamie Langen Most likely to never come back to Sask ever again –Sylvia Borowska Most likely to be the best CBA Most likely to use the French in- mentor EVER –Bonita Friesen terpretation of a statute to bewil- Most likely to have a wine stash der Sask courts –Isabelle in her office –Gillian Broadbent Most likely to abolish incarcera- Larocque tion –Jesyca Froese

The Caveat Lector | Volume 15, Issue 4 19 Most likely to do everything Pro- Redbull –Stephanie Moeck –Luke Smiegielski fessor Flannigan explicitly told him not to do –Nathan Leitner Most likely to become a judge – Most likely to hold client meetings Shawna Sparrow at The Mug –Ward Spencer Most likely to be recruited as an Most likely to pursue a career as “after” model for ProActive – a fulltime Instagram husband – Most likely to run for politics William Louison Ryan Moneo (NDP) -Landon Squires

Most likely to bring a Louis Vuit- Most likely to start billing at 5am Most likely to have exclusively ton bag to court –Alexa Lowe everyday –Thomas Mueller Greek clientele -Kosta Stamatinos

Most likely to sue her neighbour Most likely to take every parking Most likely to be the most deserv- for nuisance –Anne-Marie Lowther ticket to trial –Drea Nasager ing of all the success coming her way –Kath Starks Most likely to tell the judge that Most likely to be the smallest yet she hasn’t actually read the case loudest person in the courtroom – Most likely to hold the office keg- –Cassondra Lozynsky Joree Nelson ger –Scotty Starrak

Most likely to have a PhD you Most likely to organize our 25 Most likely to be mistaken for a don’t know about –Chang Chen year reunion –Stephanie Nemeth prof –Mason Stott Ma Most likely to return to hit on 1Ls Most likely to be a big fish in a Most likely to flex legal knowledge –Kalen Oram small pond –Allison Thoms on 17-year-old Facebook trolls – Kimbal MacMillan Most likely to use her hockey bag Most likely to spend his bonus on as a briefcase –Tannis Osborne skipthedishes.ca –Brian Twinn Most likely to refer to law school as his “glory days” -Adam MacNeil Most likely to be HoneyComb’s Most likely to go on dancing with next in-house counsel –Coleman the stars and win –Aaron Vogel Most likely to mention her former Owen LSA position in conversations with Most likely to talk about that time clients –Brett Maerz Most likely to practice criminal law on exchange when she found her- –Katie Panton self –Kirsty Vogelesang Most likely to buy shares in Fresca™ -Erin Maerz Most likely to drop a soundcloud Most likely to use the word mixtape –Alyssa Phen “buttress” in every submission – Most likely to run 5 different trials Kaitlin Ward in 4 days –Patrick Malone Most likely to take over the world (quietly) -Brenden Prokopchuk Most likely to ask for your opinion Most likely to tell a client their and then tell you why you’re case is a “slam dunk”–Noor Mann Most likely to start a philosophy of wrong –Janelle White law blog –Samuel Reznek Most likely to be the motivation Most likely to propose a firm-wide behind a loophole-closing piece of Most likely to argue in front of the man calendar in his articling year legislation –Michael Marschal SCC –Jianna Rieder –Taylor Wilcox

Most likely to accept trust funds in Most likely to be told to speak up Most likely to solve the world’s the form of crypto –John McCam- in court –Courtney Riviere problems through Dispute Resolu- mon tion –Sarah Wingerak Most likely to open a spin studio Most likely to jog to work in a suit as a side business –Kayla Ro- Most likely to work in-house for a –Patricia McGauley manow outdoors and sporting goods retailer –Vaughan Wood- Most likely to giggle in court –Ian Most likely to advise clients on bury McRobbie beard growth –Colin Saganski Most likely to publish a compre- Most likely to keep Lego in his of- Most likely to exclusively wear hensive (and embellished) history fice –Sean Mihalcheon skirt suits (to showcase her of Evil Fish on Canli –Bryden calves) -Laura Schaan Wudrich Most likely to have gotten her legs from Ursula –Christine Miller Most likely to have an office filled Most likely to retire and be a stay with too many plants –Carly Sigda at home dad –Daniel Zeljic Most likely to coach the Jessup -Holyoak moot –Janna Mitchell Most likely to be opposing counsel Most likely to appear disheveled to Mike Marschal –James Zick Most likely to get sponsored by but actually have his shit together

Cringey pun and graphic courtesy of Xaverie MacLennan

Interested in joining The Caveat Lector Editorial Board for next year?

Send an email to [email protected] or get in touch with the incoming Managing Editors, Darin Gette and Erik Heuck.