GU Attacks Grade Inflation
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-by the grace of Mr. Bell Volume: 30 Ibs. SOMEWHERE IN SOUTHERN ITALY During the Early Renaissance GU Attacks Grade Inflation GU Median Grade Average Georgetown Easy Lay Faculty A 8+ And Jesuit Teachers Conclude 8 take courses which they ordinarily by Ed u.K. Shun gram was going by mid-May, he C+ At a press conference yester would order the Registrar to wouldn't? All the world isn't a day, an unusually animated Fr. lower the grades on all active Paul Ello course, you know!" C Robert Henle announced that he transcripts by one full letter opined the sli~htly demented was declaring war on grade infla grade. "The rules" said Henle, professor. 0+ tion. "The party's over," the "allow me to do it, and by God I Student reaction to the an· University Prexy said. just might!" nouncement could hardly be con o Henle's opening statement in During the press conference, a sidered favorable. Pietro Malatesta cluded the comment, "I am visibly shaken Academic Vice (C '76) commented: "They ought F greatly disturbed by the pheno President Fr. Aloysius P. Jelly sat to take the guy who thought of ~ L L , , I I L J I I menon of grade inflation. It' motionless, mumbling at times: this and hang him from the 1789 1815 1881 1188 1898 1912 19111 1Jf32 1941 less 1988 1975 cheapens the worth of a George "He's making a big mistake, why highest yardarm in the British town University diploma. I feel would anyone want to come here Fleet." Echoing his sen timents, Henle's Mandate 81 II that the speediest way to remedy unless they could do well?" Francesca DiRimini (GUNS of A the condition is to make it When asked by a probing august) stated, "Who the hell does perfectly clear to all professors reporter from the Voice whether that strange-eollared son of a 8+ and members of the academic Fr_ Ryan would do such a thing, bitch think he is?" staff that I simply will not Henle exploded: "You little Only Juan Peron (SFS '62) was 8 ninny, don't you realize that tolerate inflated grades. A "e" optimistic. "Maybe since Henle C+ means average, and I expect to St'e Ryan would have flunked every has put a quota of 10 per cent on a lot of them from now on." one and replaced you all with all 'A' grades, guys Iik~ Gibert, C Further proving that he meant students from St. Peter's and Cortez and Vixnins will feel \ what he said, Henle stated, "I Seattle?" compelled to give something near 0+ have imposed a maximum of 10 Professors Richard Duncan and 10 per cent of their students A's, per cent 'A' grades in all classes, James Hunter vowed to fight a instead of the present 2 pe r cen t." o and I have made it plain to all rear-guard action. Hunter stated, A mass student demonstration professors that I want to see at "I have never given less than a 'B' is planned for sometime in June. F least 15 per cent of all students in my life and I don't plan to start Watch for further announcements. out-and-out flunking. I want F's. now." Duncan, expressing his 1975 1976 1977 1978 1979 This is the only way that the view that Fr. Henle was "slightly Foundations and all prospective in his cups" when he made the employers are gOing to get confi fateful decision to declare war on dence back in the worth of a GU grade inflation, said, "T.S., which FCC O.K.'s GU's WGTB diploma." of course means 'tough stuff.' Henle said that if he wasn't Look, without the lure of grades, satisfied with the way the pro- how do you expect students to To Grace Hot Airwaves by Fred j;rrol Government like this has happened since some foub)ect any of its citizens to the The Federal Communications idiot out in Kansas tried to abide ravings of Rich Cilvotkin.'· Commission yesterday ordered by the Nixon Fairness Doctrine." "Even if it is done strictly in the University to re-open its Student representative to the accordance with due proces.<.." tht' controversial Alternative Radio GBT review board Rick Haas top court continued, "such ob· Station WGTB and to re-instate refused comment on the matter. viously partisan and meaningl!'s~ the entire staff. Bragging over his victory, pronouncimientos are not only an The order came in the wake of Sleezeman said, "Smut is a very insult to the intelligence of f>\pn a Supreme Court decision in a suit personal thing. The hired mercen thosf> in the business school but filed by ex-ex-statlOn manager aries of the Inquisition who run also constitute cruel and unusual Ken Sleezeman. The court ruled this University get muy bummed punishment. " in Sleezeman's favor, declaring over the slightest mention of sex Sports Information Director that profanity did not constitute or bodily organs, but have no Fran X. Conners reacted bitt .. rl~ sensitive language and that ignor objections whatsoever to the in· to the deciSion, crying: "Brpak ance is a form of intelligence. credible amount of religion that is out the rain coats." Student representative to the GTB dumped on the airwaves. To my Student Body President Bob review board Rick Haas refused mind Parish is the most vulgar "Descartes" Gage has prom,-;,·ci comment on the matter. word in the English language." to start something with thp FCC FCC official Ray D. O'Waves The socially concerned fighting and has ('ven at this writing said that the commission took the young activist added cryptically, already formed a committp,·. action because it felt "more filth "Mary is a four letter word." headed by Rick Haas, to look lilt II was clearly needed. Things 'were mu~ntrepre~ntatiwtoGTB the matter. becoming too clean. Of course, review board Rick Haas knifed a The University also has madt· the commission beats its breasts HOY A reporter seeking comment clear its intention to oppose tilt' about '~nsitive language,' but~e on the matter. FCC orders. Director of StUdPllt didn't expect anyone to take us Additionally the court banned Activities and Pro from Dover Jeff seriously. They must have a real the airing of any Georgetown Fogelson has vowed to freeze tilt' bunch of winners up at that basketball games on constitutional FCC's budget unless it rescinds it, school." grounds, holding that "the state orders 'or adds more students to Elated GTB staffers welcome Sleezeman back. O'Waves added that "nothing has no legitimate authority to its staff. P... 2 TheHOVA Thur-'rv,~1 1,1976 Leslie Appoints Self Prexy 66Best Candidate Chosen" by Ed Rogo Zinski at Macke." Every GU student changes will make the rest of the In a surprise move today, Jack will now have to take Flow Charts country stand up and take notice Leslie nominated himself to re 101, a course illustrating how flow of GU. They will realize the kind place outgoing University Presi charts affect everyone in ev~ry of Jesuit education we're offering dent Robert J. Henle, SJ. Leslie, walk of life, from Roto Rooters development of the total person former SG president and part-time to housewives. Students will now ality." hairstylist, stated that his main be able to major and obtain Leslie also has made some key goal as University President will Master Degrees in flow charts. To administrative changes. Daniel be "to get my picture in Vogue head his new Flow Chart Aca Altobello has been replaced by a magazine. " demic Department, Leslie has three month old helping of Speaking from his plush bache hired the trainer of the Chicago Shepherd's Pie. Altobello has been lor apartment atop the Little Bulls. "He is very weD qualified," promoted to assistant towel Tavern on M Street, Leslie, stated Leslie, "except for the fact cleaner in the sauna in Mc fashionably attired in a maroon that he can't speak English or read Donough Gymnasium, r~placing Nehru jacket and love beads, or write." George Houston, who is now in outlined "Five Year Plan-Number Leslie expressed deep anger charge of snipping out Jesuit nose Eight," his long-range plan for the over the fact that G U did not hairs in Gervaise Building. Due to University: "All kinds of fund have the tennis tournament this the unfortunate demise of Tony raising activities will be stopped. year. "To make it up to the Macke, who was drowned in a vat Fund raising was Father Henle's students, however, I'm going to of cream of mushroom soup by greatest problem_ If we ignore it, initiate the first annual George Miro "The Tongue" Mangialasci it may go away." town University Open next year-a and Rico "The Stick" Hemor Citing lack of communication professional golf tournament held rhoido, GU now has a new food as another major problem facing on Kehoe Field." Leslie also has a service-Montezuma's Revenge GU, Leslie stressed the impor committee looking into the pos Caterers. tance of flow charts. "We need sibility of a 30-lane bowling alley The new president also has Jack Leslie, looking over the field of Presidential Candidates. "Clearly more input. I want input from and Olympic-size swimming pool decided to replace the John the best choice," our hero says. everybody-even the cockroaches in Healy basement. Carroll statue in Healy Circle As a visible example of his new (which has been renamed Leslie administrative policy, Leslie has Plaza).