Editor-In-Chief Todd Morehead ContentsJuly 9, 2009 VOLUME 4 Issue 23 [email protected] Pg. 10 ARTS EDITOR Judit Trunkos Save this house: Mortgage Aid Program Moves Slowly [email protected]

Design News.Politics.Commentary Megan Weeks, Bobby Sutton Letters to the reader dear billy mays 3 Vocal Booth regional briefs The end of showers on the Golden Mile 3 Kingsley Waring Mr. Meaners updates on crackheads 4 news bark park to help environment 5 Publisher Statehouse report is government actually working? 6 Paul Blake news healthcare by fund-raising 7 [email protected] ted rall obama’s half healthcare plan 8 Pg. 5 Don’t Panic! what we can do to help iran 9 Account Executives James Wallace

Contributors Arts.Entertainment.Etc Andy Brack, Graeme Fouste, Harry S. Iarch, Theater Beauty and the beast 11 Theater High school musical and 12 q’s 13 Magdalene Kellett, Ismail Lagardien, WR Marshall, music feature How will Jackson be remembered 14 Will Moredock, Ted Rall, Fred Richardson, Soundboard punk/indie/emo/ska/hardcore/metal/rock 15 Dan Savage, Mike Serge, Vocal booth s.c. hip hop review 15 Greg Slattery, Michael Spawn, Kingsley Waring rock and roll crosswords 16 ARTS tyler blanton exhibit 16 Columbia City Paper jonesin crosswords “I’m Getting Dizzy” Sudoku Puzzles 18 2965 North Main Street Pg. 14 Columbia, SC 29201 Ask a Mexican and savage love 19 803.218.9455

Advertisers in Columbia City Paper assume responsibility for the entire content of the advertisements. The first copy of Columbia City Paper is free. Additional copies are $1 and two-bits each. Views expressed do not necessarily represent the opinions of Columbia City Paper or its publisher. (C) Columbia City Paper, LLC Thursday, July 9th 8 PM Disney’s

and Beauty the east PreviewB

$15 General Admission Town Theatre 1012 Sumter Street

To purchase tickets contact:

Ticket Sales Benefit The Family Shelter www.columbiafamilyshelter.org 803.771.7040 Letters to the Reader My dearest beloved, Oh, how I yearn for your magnificent kisses, the sweetness of your soul, the beauty of your eyes and, er... let’s not forget those other two parts. Yes, the last three (or five or pos- sibly more) times we met (maybe or maybe not under the guise of official business) did nothing to quench my thirst for your love and left me slipping into confusion like a, um... greased pig on State House marble. The glory of your... of your... tan lines and the, uh... Ah, forget it! I’m no good at this romantic crap! How about some stanzas I’ve penned on market deregulation and state debt reduction? Columbia City Paper

Dear Billy Mays, ANDERSON The city removed shower heads from public It’s a shame your untimely death was beaches on the “Golden Mile” –the area between eclipsed by the deaths of Farrah Fawcett and that Boy loses hand in backyard fireworks 30th Ave. North and 50th Ave. North—after other guy. (What’s his name? The pop singer?) experiment receiving complaints from residents that some A 13-year-old Anderson boy blew his right users were going beyond simply hosing sand off If not the nation, then at least we at City Paper hand off after a July 4 fireworks experiment their swimsuits, but were instead stripping naked mourn the loss of the undisputed king of the 2 to went horribly wrong. and taking full-fledged showers with soap under 5 a.m. infomercial bracket. Yet, what heir, mae- According to the Anderson Independent city plumbing. stro, have you to your throne? The Slap Chop Mail, witnesses said the boy had wrapped 144 Other residents complained that the shower guy’s career may not recover from that thing fireworks of an unknown type in electrical tape heads were removed and have asked the city to with the prostitute. And as far as televangelists and was handling them or possibly trying to replace them. The city council will reopen the put out a fuse when they exploded. Neighbors subject for public debate on July 14. go, Jack Van Impe isn’t getting any younger. said the explosion sounded like a bomb or a All we needed was you, Mays; you were the plane crash, according to the report. Some said ORANGEBURG chosen one. We’ll need at least the ZorbEEZ they searched the yard for the boy’s hand while “Double Offer” with extra jumbo cloths –and he was transported to Greenville Memorial State Republican Party official suing free Micromen Microfiber Duster if we order Hospital. Orangeburg over disrupted abortion protest within the next ten minutes—to wipe away our The second vice chairman of the S.C. CHARLESTON Republican Party has filed suit against the city tears. of Orangeburg, saying authorities stopped him Columbia City Paper Charleston lengthens duration of red from participating in an abortion protest. traffic lights citywide According to the Orangeburg Times- Dear people who continue to put trash in The City of Charleston has lengthened the Democrat, Rev. Charles Butler, pastor of Souls our newspaper boxes, duration of red traffic lights –specifically the Afire Baptist Church and state GOP official, was Sure, Abercrombie meatheads continue to duration of “all-red” time, in which the lights holding a January 2008 roadside vigil to protest are red in all directions—in an attempt to curb then presidential candidate Hillary Clinton’s punch out the windows on our newspaper boxes. intersection accidents. stance on abortion when he says a police officer Yeah, maybe some of the boxes need paint jobs “That one second [...] may seem very told him he couldn’t protest without a permit. or exterminators to remove the occasional fam- minute to all of us, but in a second, you can Butler, who won an undisclosed court settlement ily of possums hissing from inside. And, all get a car (that’s running a red light) through an in 2006 for a similar incident, said he left the that said, maybe they kinda do resemble gar- intersection,” city Traffic and Transportation scene for fear of being arrested. bage cans to the careless or untrained eye. But Director, Hernan Pena, told the Charleston Post An attorney for the city of Orangeburg said and Courier. the officer was mistaken about the law and that shouldn’t the copies of City Paper inside make Pena told the Post and Courier that the Butler left the scene prior to a superior officer you think otherwise? ...Okay, we’ll concede that change in duration has been so subtle they so far arriving to tell the other protesters they were as a reason to think it’s a garbage can, too. But, have had no complaints. allowed to stay. at least try to pay attention. Columbia City Paper MYRTLE BEACH SUMTER Drunk driver accused of dragging police- 14-year-old girl discovered driving along Dear exercise enthusiast wife, man faces additional charges highway in the oncoming lane It’s a miracle you’ve got me jogging in the A judge set bail at close to $67,000 for a A 14-year-old female was arrested after a first place, so let’s just be happy for that small North Carolina man who faces multiple charges Sumter County sheriff’s officer saw her driving victory. In answer to your question: no, hell no, after he dragged a Myrtle Beach Police officer in the wrong lane. I will never wear that pair of New Balance short close to two blocks with his vehicle after a traf- According to the Sumter Item, a Sumter shorts to jog in. Do you really want that? You fic stop. County sheriff’s officer witnessed the red Ford Clark Tuttle, 25, faces ten counts of assault Mustang almost collide with another car in the want me to be of those dudes who doesn’t pump with intent to kill, resisting arrest with a deadly oncoming lane and quickly pulled the motorist his arms while he jog-walks in little hot shorts weapon, driving under the influence and having over. The girl reportedly produced a driver’s and checks his heart monitor wristwatch every an open container. According to reports, Tuttle license for an unidentified 24-year-old woman. block? The cholos down at the park would had been pulled over after police suspected he In addition to three other passengers, the whistle and catcall me as I ran by. I’m perfectly was driving drunk. Tuttle then dragged Officer arresting officer also discovered Marco Antonio- happy jogging in my jeans and work boots. Tony Allen with his truck as he attempted to flee Pina Hernandez, 22, who was reportedly uncon- the scene. After traveling two blocks, Tuttle col- scious in the backseat cradling a 30-pack of beer, Lower my body mass index, woman, but don’t lided with four other vehicles. Allen was treated with a number of open bottles strewn about. lower my pride! for only minor injuries. A breath-alcohol test revealed the presence of Columbia City Paper alcohol in the 14-year-old driver, the report said. “Golden Mile” residents lathered up The girl was released into her mother’s custody over public showers and the other passengers were transported to Myrtle Beach City Council is locked in Sumter-Lee Regional Detention Center, accord- debate over the fate of public shower facilities ing to the report. at certain beach sites. July 9, 2009 3 CRIMEMr. Meaner’s WATCH Subjects are innocent until proven guilty, this is not a court of law 29203 Gardeners beware! A plant thief is on the loose! Columbia Police reported that a male suspect broke into a home on Juniper Street and stole over 100 dollars worth of potted plants. Juniper Street, 700 Block

29205 Apparently Columbia residents cannot get enough of AC units. This time, Columbia Compiled by Ben Fisher Police reported, a female complainant 29201 reported that a woman dressed in a white Pedestrians beware…of angry cyclists? t-shirt and blue Adidas shorts came into her Columbia police reported that a male suspect home and was acting out of control. The suspect exited the residence when asked but tried to run into a male pedestrian on Laurel decided to push the complainant’s AC unit Street. Whatever happened to “Share the out of the window before leaving. Road?” Laurel Street, 300 Block 29920 29204 Columbia police reported that a male A male suspect hit an all-time low for suspect was exhibiting public drunkenness shoplifters in the Columbia area. According on a Harden Street sidewalk. When the to Columbia Police, the suspect robbed the reporting officer reprimanded him, the Oak Street Dollar General. And what did suspect was drinking none other than a he take? A pack of A-Line t-shirts valued at KING COBRA! Now that’s classy! $8.00. Oak Street, 2100 Block Harden Street, 600 Block 29205 29204 Visits to a Laundromat in Fort Jackson Can’t beat the heat? Steal an air will now come with a little something extra! conditioning unit! The hot weather must The male complainant in this case told have gotten to the male suspect in this case Columbia Police that four men tried to sell when he stole his girlfriend’s mother’s unit him drugs. When he refused, they followed from her home on Piedmont Avenue. 3400 the complainant out to his car and asked him Block for change and one suspect threw himself onto the victim’s car when he tried to leave. 29209 Laundry day is a very stressful day! Fort Having problems with your significant Jackson Blvd, 4600 Block other? Why not throw a brick through his 29206 or her window? According to Columbia Columbia Police reported that a male Police, a female complainant reported suspect walked into the S-Mart on Forest that her boyfriend tossed a brick through Drive and took three packages of M&M’s her window after they had been having candy without paying for them. I guess domestic problems. chocolate cravings can drive a person mad? Forest Drive, 2500 Block

4 July 9, 2009 Tails wagging Pancake Breakfast for “Bark park” By Ben Fisher “We sold homemade dog treats at the Renaissance Kicking off the 2009 Memory Walk Season Festival in May. We also sponsored the Earlewood Flea Market at the end of May. We raised $445 through these efforts.” When Why Spratlin believes the dog park should -Sign up for the incorporate a “combination of good-looking Tuesday, fencing and landscaping.” The features of the July 21 @ walk fi nalized project would include “a fenced-in, off- - Learn how to get leash dog recreation area,” “an area for small dogs under 30 pounds,” and “water fountains accessible 8am involved to both dogs and people.” But awareness about waste management Where - Meet participants remains the primary goal of the dog park. - Discuss fundrais- Informational kiosks, Spratlin said, will serve as Laurel Crest, a community board and will educate dog owners 100 Joseph ing about appropriate methods of pet waste disposal. - Eat pancakes Spratlin and company received approval to Walker Drive, begin preliminary designs with the City Deparment - Have fun of Parks and Recreation on April 15. And members West Columbia of the NOMA “Bark Park” committee fi nalized drawings and plans for the proposed dog park at the monthly Earlewood neighborhood meeting on June 18. RSVP @ Elizabeth.brown.alz.org or 803-791-3430 Earlewood resident Spratlin and her committee members initially proposed the project Sign up for the 2009 Memory Walk at to meet the perceived needs of 19,000 dog owners Tails may be wagging in anticipation of the within the Columbia city limits. http://memorywalk09.kintera.org.columbiasc forthcoming NOMA “Bark Park,” but the project Three major dog parks already exist in the involves more than a tightened leash on the canine Greater Columbia area: Columbia Dog Park on citizens of Columbia. According to NOMA “Bark Shop Road, Saluda Shoals Dog Park on Bush Park” Committee chair, Rebecca Spratlin, the River Road, and Sesquicentennial State Park on proposed two-acre park will emphasize the impact Two Notch Road. of pet waste on water sanitation and a cost-effective But all three locations prove inconvenient for approach to park management. residents in the downtown and North Columbia “Pet waste is one of the major sources of areas. The aforementioned parks, according to water pollution in the Three Rivers area,” Spratlin Spratlin’s 2009 proposal, are located 16 to 40 said, “Water quality is one of our major selling miles away from downtown Columbia and require points [to City Council].” a 30 to 45-minute commute. According to Spratlin, the project excited With dog owners in the north and downtown

“pet waste Is one of the maJor sources of water pollutIon In the three rIvers area,” spratlIn saId, “water qualIty Is one of our maJor sellIng poInts [to cIty councIl].” Mayor Bob Coble and other city council members Columbia areas in mind, Spratlin and the committee because of the emphasis on waste management. proposed an accessible 12-acre plot located at DHEC has been tirelessly pushing its “Scoop the North Main and River Streets as the site for the Poop!” campaign in Charleston, and members of park. But, although it is targeted to residents within the NOMA committee believe that this benefi cial city limits, the membership park will remain open behavior will catch on with the establishment of to licensed pet owners in Columbia and Richland the park in downtown Columbia. County. “[Promoting proper waste disposal] creates The South Carolina Department of a social norm,” Spratlin said, “People will do Transportation originally purchased this land in the things when they are around others doing the same 1980s and planned to build a four-lane connector thing.” road between Interstates 277 and 126. The dog park, according to Spratlin, also But the DOT abandoned these plans after sparked the interest of the Columbia City Council residents of Cottonwood, Elmwood Park, and because of its cost effectiveness – she believed that Earlewood protested the proposed project. the current economic downturn in South Carolina According to Spratlin’s 2009 proposal, the DOT would not hurt the progress of the project. “We and the City of Columbia have not pursued any want this to be self-sustaining park,” explained projects on this land for the last 25 years. Spratlin, “This is not an expensive project. The While work continues on the fi nal design of only cost to the city would be the installation the NOMA “Bark Park,” Spratlin hopes that the fee.” NOMA “Bark Park” will “go to council” within Grassroots fundraising efforts, Spratlin the next few months. said, will play a key role in maintaining this self- “We’re moving as fast as the [Columbia City] sustaining park. government,” she said. “We [Earlewood residents] have formed volunteer and marketing committees,” she said. [email protected] July 9, 2009 5 Why state government might really work. By Andy Brack whether The State met its social responsibility All of the tawdry confessionals and too- to the people of the state by not being much-informational gushings from our own aggressive enough after it got emails about the love Gov. Mark Sanford might lead a cynic to governor’s possible dalliance. As discussed conclude something kind of surprising – that with a reporter from National Public Radio our state government actually works. earlier this week, The State has done a good Now bear with us on this. It might not be job with the Sanford affair’s “spot news” – the such a stretch. story at hand once it became public after the When the governor’s affair with an alarm by the state official. But it may not have Argentinean woman came to light last month, fulfilled its responsibility to get to the bottom it wasn’t necessarily because of a vigilant, of the story earlier after its own anonymous watchdog media in South Carolina. Interest in tip. You’d logically think that if reporters the whole thing started when somebody, more even suspected something was amiss, they than likely a state employee, tipped a zealous would have set up a special “Sanford Watch” state senator (Jake Knotts, W-Columbia) that so they could serve a watchdog function. Sanford hadn’t been seen in a couple of days So it’s interesting that state government and had slipped away from his bodyguards. essentially got the whole thing rolling. And Stop right here. So the informant alerted since then, a big part of the story has been a state official, who, in turn, questioned other over government processes – the government state officials about the location of the state’s probing whether Sanford misused state top official. At that point, Knotts – no friend money (SLED says no); government officials of Sanford since he decided to run someone using their positions to urge him to resign; against Knotts in 2006 – decided to get some government officials and analysts looking juicy payback after learning from the head into procedural methods on whether they can of the State Law Enforcement Division that force him out; and government officials now Sanford’s whereabouts were unknown. discussing improving chain-of-command rules After a statement by Knotts, the media for state leaders. – which hadn’t noticed Sanford was missing For as much embarrassment as the – whipped into a frenzy and started all of the Sanford mess brought to the people of the reporting that led to stories about how Sanford state, it is somewhat heartening that state was thought to be on the Appalachian Trail. government actually seemed to work to bring About how it was discovered he had been the sad story about Mark Sanford into the in Argentina. About how he had been with open. (And boy did the governor bring it into another woman down there. Et cetera. the open; let’s hope he doesn’t schedule more Structurally, the interesting thing is that tearful interviews anytime soon; the state’s folks in state government, often maligned image can’t afford it.) as bureaucratic and pedantic, generated the Maybe now, the calls by some for alerts that led to explosive allegations later government restructuring might be looked at confirmed by Sanford about his relationship a little differently since the Sanford scandal with another women. has become an indelible part of Palmetto State Note: The sometimes holier-than-thou history. Maybe any South Carolina governor watchdogs of the Fourth Estate, the press, doesn’t need more power (just a shorter chain didn’t notice the governor’s absence. In one to the state). Maybe the strong legislature sense, that’s kind of surprising because the one doesn’t need to give up supervisory powers. group that should have been on the lookout – Just maybe, the system works. the folks at The State newspaper in Columbia But then again, maybe not. Otherwise, – wasn’t able to put anything together until we might not have a weekly column. after Knott’s alarm, despite the fact that the paper had been sitting on emails for months Andy Brack, publisher of SC Statehouse Report, about a possible lovesick Sanford. can be reached at: brack statehousereport.com. This now opens a whole new area of

6 July 9, 2009 Hubert C. Smoak spent over 20 years individuals get sick, file their claims and and Poland). working as a medical sales representative get denied by their health care provider. In The complete lack of financial support selling everything from smaller orthopedic reality, therefore, there are not two groups, of his organization forces Smoak to raise equipment to crutches, wheelchairs and even but three to consider when considering money in other ways. In addition to hospital beds. After all those years, Smoak American health care reform: (1) the insured; collecting donations, Smoak organizes golf realized that what this country really needed (2) the uninsured; and (3) the insured whose tournaments and gospel concerts to raise was the opposite of expensive and often claim is denied. funds to purchase medical equipment and be unavailable medical tools, so he started a “I did some research and realized that able to donate it. non-profit organization called MedNeed of there were no other foundations in the entire When City Paper asked Smoak why he SC to help all those who needed medical country dealing with donations of medical is doing all this despite the obvious lack of equipment but had no insurance or could not equipment to those in need,” says Smoak. financial support from the government, he afford it. “There are about 35 free clinics in South simply responds, “The problem still exists, What would make a medical sales Carolina and most of the time they don’t know so somebody needs to do something about representative start a non-profit organization where to send the patients without insurance it.” that would assist uninsured patients, when for medical equipment. As more and more “I also have the medical sales experience the goal of his profession is to sell as much people find out about my organization, they that this organization requires,” he continues, as possible to the insured, all while charging tell others and this is how doctors and clinics “which made it easier for me to start collecting health care companies the maximum call me.” the medical tools and begin communicating amount? For Smoak, it was witnessing first- Naturally, health care coverage includes with hospitals and health care centers.” hand the extensive need for medical tools the necessary medical equipment –such as Because of his 20 years spent in the for uninsured patients. And as long as our knee braces, crutches and wheelchairs—and medical sales industry, Smoak is well- health care system is profit-based, those who many patients recovering from surgery will educated on issues concerning the quality of cannot pay will never be serviced, with the need them. Those who have insurance can medical equipment, the demand of each tool, exception of those fortunate enough to find obtain the medical tools, but the uninsured and which products are usually covered by organizations such as MedNeed of SC. can only hope for some kind of assistance to insurance. Also, due to his connections, he American health care is not only unavailable be able to recover. knows who to contact in hospitals and health for all citizens, but even for those with If we want a better estimate of how many centers. Presently, Smoak is a one-man insurance coverage it is still very expensive. people do not get appropriate health care, the operation; he does everything from collecting Some estimates the medical put U.S. health tools and care spending at “If we want a better estimate of how many people m o n e y approximately do not get appropriate health care the numbers are donations to 15.2 percent of , cleaning and GDP, second horrific he population of the is around storing the only to the . T U.S. 300 equipment, tiny Marshall million, of which about 46 million are uninsured.” even the Islands among transportation all United a n d Nations member countries. Unless the numbers are horrific. The population of the distribution of collected medical system is reformed, the costs are expected to U.S. is around 300 million, of which about 46 equipments. rise, reaching 19.5 percent of GDP by 2017. million are uninsured. Insurance companies “I have been running MedNeed of South In everyday life this translates into expensive deny about 9 percent of claims filed by Carolina for over a year and a half, and doctor appointments and medication, policyholders, according to some estimates currently I have to rely on my medical sales surgeries and medical equipment. And (an additional 22.95 million), so the real job for income, so I can only deal with this without any kind of coverage, there is number of people in need of medical coverage organization part time,” he says. “My goal is no hope to get what an uninsured patient is around 68.9 million. Smoak and a handful to build it up substantially, so I can do this requires to get better. of other non-profit organizations and free full time.” Currently over 45 million people in the clinics have been facing the overwhelming Projecting the depressing percentage U.S. are without health insurance for at demand of 68.95 million people without of uninsured people to the residents of least part of the year. Even though Medicaid significant financial support from either the South Carolina, of the 4.4 million South was designed to cover low-income people state or the federal government. The huge Carolinians, approximately 1 million may in certain categories, including children, number of people who do not have access to need the immediate assistance of MedNeed pregnant women, and the disabled –and healthcare in America would be considered of SC. Medicare to cover citizens and long-term outrageous everywhere else in the world, as residents 65 years and older—there are still it roughly equals the population of Central For more information about Med Need of many people who do not qualify for either. Europe excluding the Czech Republic SC, visit www.medneedofsc.com. Adding to this problem is that many insured (Austria, Hungary, Slovakia, Switzerland july 9, 2009 7 Ted Rall Half healthcare 100% Dead people dislike risk, which is why so Time for Obama to Get Serious many of us buy insurance.” Half measures are boring. When we can afford it. That political reality When citizens evaluate a derailed Bill Clinton’s 1993 political proposal, the first thing healthcare reform plan. And it they ask themselves is: what’s in will likely unravel that of Barack it for me? Thus the appeal of a Obama. gimmick like George W. Bush’s The non-partisan $300 tax rebate checks. No one Congressional Budget Office finds seriously believed they would that Obama’s plan, sponsored by stimulate the economy. But hey, Senators Chris Dodd and Ted Kennedy, three hundred bucks is three hundred “would reduce the number of uninsured bucks. only by a net 16 million people. Even if Right out of the gate, Obama’s the bill became law, the budget office said, “public option” plan tells the public that 36 million people would remain uninsured there’s probably only one thing in it for in 2017,” reported The New York Times. them: higher taxes. Most Americans do Yet it would cost at least $1 trillion over have insurance. They don’t like their ten years. deny-deny-deny insurance companies, but Americans like Obama’s basic idea: there’s nothing for them in the Obama- “Seventy-two percent of those questioned [in Dodd-Kennedy proposal. Some Democrats the latest Times/CBS News poll] supported have even floated the idea of taxing health a government-administered insurance plan- benefits! -something like Medicare for those under At least 47 million Americans have no 65--that would compete for customers with insurance. And that number is going up fast. private insurers. Twenty percent said they But the CBO says only one of out of four of were opposed.” The support is broad. But people without insurance would be helped it isn’t deep. by Obama’s “public option.” The rest would “Pay higher taxes for a healthcare plan pay higher taxes--and still remain uninsured. that probably won’t help you personally, Why should they get excited about The even if you’re uninsured” isn’t much of Return of Hillarycare? a sales pitch. No one is going to call As president-elect, Obama said their Congressman, much less march in the he planned to “keep [his] finger on the streets, to demand action for a half-measure- pulse” of the American people. “One of the -or, in this case, a quarter-measure. Without worst things I think that could happen to a public pressure to push back against drug president is losing touch with what people and insurance company lobbyists, nothing are going through day to day,” he said. But will change. it is painfully clear that “the bubble that Like every mainstream Democrat since exists around the president” has already Jimmy Carter, Obama is a militant moderate, enveloped him. elevating triangulation and compromise-for- There is no true middle ground on “Pay higher taxes for a healthcare plan that probably won’t help you personally, even if you’re uninsured” isn’t much of a sales pitch. its-own-sake to the status of Holy Writ. But healthcare. The most civilized and efficient radical problems--and the state of healthcare approach, tried and tested by the rest of in America surely qualifies--require radical the industrialized world, is fully socialized solutions. medicine. Put the insurance vampires out of More than that, simplicity sells. French- business. Cutting out the health profiteers or U.K.-style socialized medicine--everyone and encouraging preventative care will save covered, every doctor’s visit free, every pill hundreds of billions of dollars a year. free, every doctor a government employee- Failing a comprehensive solution, -might indeed cost three times more than let the free market reign. True, 20,000 Obama’s incomprehensibly vague, vaguely Americans will continue to die each year due incomprehensible proposal. But it’s easy to to lack of insurance. But private healthcare understand. Moreover, as James D. Miller corporations will continue to invest in notes in his book “Game Theory at Work,” innovative treatments and medications. The people crave certainty: city of Hartford will keep adding shiny new “What would you rather have: 1) skyscrapers to its skyline--and our taxes $100,000 or 2) a 50 percent chance of won’t go even higher over this issue. 803.218.9455 getting $200,000 and a 50 percent chance Obamacare offers the worst of of getting nothing? Both choices give you both worlds--it would be expensive and on average $100,000. The majority...would inadequate. prefer the first choice: the sure thing. Most 8 July 9, 2009 Don’t Panic! What can Americans do to help Iran’s democracy movement? by Andisheh Nouraee ride with Hitler.” Even though I’m Translation: Wasting an Iranian-American gasoline is unpatriotic and think you’re kind because it diverts of a bigot for asking precious resources away me, I’m going to from the war effort. answer you anyway. In 2002, comedian 1. Green your Bill Maher updated life the concept with his Prior to Iran’s book “When You Ride June 11 presidential Alone You Ride with election, green Bin Laden: What the was the color of Government Should Be leading opposition Telling Us to Help Fight candidate Mir-Hossein the War on Terrorism.” Mousavi’s campaign. Green evokes spring Al-Qaeda was funded in large part and new life. It also symbolizes Islam, by oil money. By wasting fuel, Maher Iran’s dominant religion. The national flags argues, Americans subsidize Bin Laden’s of most predominantly Muslim countries terrorism. contain at least some green. The same idea applies to Iran. When you When Iranian authorities began their ride alone, you ride with Ahmadinejad. violent crackdown against the opposition The Iranian government’s lurch immediately after the election, the meaning towards fascism is funded by the developed of green changed. It no longer symbolizes world’s addiction to fossil fuels. support for Mousavi. It symbolizes support Oil, natural gas, and their chemical for the right of Iranians to have their votes derivatives account for 85% of Iran’s counted. export earnings. When the price of those Within a few days of the election, commodities are high, Iran’s thugocrats can World Wide Websters began greening their arms themselves against their own people, pages and profiles as a gesture of solidarity fill their Swiss bank accounts, and still have with Iran’s courageous pro-democracy enough left over to buy-off Iranians with demonstrators. economic and social development. I have not yet been able to communicate High fuel prices allow the Iranian directly with anyone in Iran, but I suspect regime to wallpaper over their corruption once pro-democracy Iranians who are and economic incompetence with petro- aware of the world’s supportive green- cash. When fossil fuel prices, plummet, ness are at least a little bit gratified by the there’s less cash for wallpapering. symbolic support. Who doesn’t like to be Cheap oil weakens the hardliners appreciated? who control Iran by strengthening regime So if you wanna brighten a pro- moderates who want to normalize relations democracy Iranian’s day, go ahead and diplomatic and economic relations with the make your Facebook profile picture and west. Twitter icons green. Don’t bother with Any action or policy reducing U.S. your MySpace page. Nobody looks at that dependence on fossil fuels supports anyway. democracy in Iran. Ride a bike. Carpool. Be green offline, too. Wear a green And write a letter to Congress voicing shirt. Wear a green armband. Eat split pea your support for higher fuel taxes and fuel soup. Garnish with parsely. Eat big salads economy standards for cars. in public. Grow some plants. Be green with 3. Mock people who say Obama envy. Be green with nausea. Date former should be more vocal in his criticism of Beverly Hills, 90210 star Brian Austin Iran’s government. Green. I hear Megan Fox just dumped Obama isn’t perfect, but he’s playing him. this one correctly. 2. Green your country Iran’s hardliners want more than Tinting your life green in support of anything to tar the protestors in Iran as Iranian democracy is all well and good, but agents or dupes of western powers. there’s another kind of greening that, over As satisfying as it might be to some the long-term, will do a lot more to help here to have the President speak out in Iranian democrats. support of Iranian protestors, it can only do During World War II, there was a U.S. harm to the protestors. propaganda poster depicting a man driving a car. He was alone in the car except for [email protected] a ghostly outline of Adolf Hitler in the passenger seat. Emblazoned above the car were the words “When you ride ALONE, you July 9, 2009 9 Mortgage Aid Program Continues to Move don’t have to have missed a payment on their information since she’d now been waiting for payments to 31 percent of their income. Slowly, As Homeowners Try to Hang On mortgage to get help. If they see that they have three months. In practice, modifying millions of mortgages a problem … they should get in touch with their Sherman complied, but she had a question requires not only a massive effort to hire and by Alexandra Andrews, ProPublica servicer.” for the Chase rep: “So all this time – these past train staff but also a “sea change” in mindset The Obama administration estimates that it’s Warren responded, “What we continue to 90 days – that I’ve been thinking an answer could for servicers, who have traditionally focused on going to help as many as 4 million homeowners hear is that you can’t get a servicer on the phone, come any day, no one was even looking at my collecting monthly payments and foreclosing modify their loans. To date, “over 200,000” or when you do get a servicer on the phone, you file?” when necessary, according to Kurt Eggert, a law of these loan modifications have been offered, receive incorrect information.” She said she’s She says that all the rep could say was that professor and expert in mortgage servicing at according to the Treasury Department. That heard from homeowners who say they were files were getting forwarded to a new department Chapman University. leaves millions of homeowners waiting their told by their servicers that they’re ineligible for for processing. turn. the government’s program because they aren’t In a New York Times article on Monday, Visit propublica.org for more information Deborah Sherman from Oakland, Calif., is behind on their payments, which is incorrect. Michael Barr, the assistant Treasury secretary for somewhere in that queue. She says she applied We’ve heard borrowers say the same thing. financial institutions, expressed frustration with for a loan modification through the government’s Warren added: “I feel bad if what comes out loan servicers. “They need to do a much better job program one day after it was announced on of this is you say I want to tell Americans that on the basic management and operational side of March 4. Since then, she says, all she’s heard they need to reach out to their servicers. They’re their firms,” he said. “What we’ve been pushing from Chase, her loan servicer, is: It could take up doing that.” the servicers to do is improve their infrastructure to 90 days. Please keep waiting. Indeed, Sherman, the California homeowner to make sure their call centers are doing a better She’s still waiting. we’ve been in touch with, has reached out job. The level of training is not there yet.” Sherman’s story is hardly unique. As we to Chase by phone, by fax, by mail and in Barr estimated that by the end of August, reported in early June, the program got off to a person at her local Chase homeownership center. the program would be churning out 20,000 loan chaotic start as hordes of homeowners nationwide But the “We’re here for you!” banner at the modifications a week. jammed servicers’ phone lines and overwhelmed homeownership center was not for her, she their staffs. Housing counselors and frustrated says, it was only for customers who were facing Mortgage Aid Targeted Most-Delinquent homeowners reported long delays and mixed foreclosure. Borrowers First, Leaving Others Waiting messages about eligibility requirements. Sherman is a self-employed commercial Last Tuesday, President Obama expressed photographer who purchased a condo in 2000. by Karen Weise and Alexandra Andrews disappointment with the program’s progress, She started really struggling last year when her A survey of the biggest mortgage servicers saying at a press briefing, “I think … our work dwindled to almost nothing. She’s now participating in the administration’s foreclosure mortgage program has actually helped to modify looking for work in a different field. She doesn’t prevention program shows that most have focused mortgages for a lot of people, but it hasn’t been owe more than her home is worth. When she their efforts on the most delinquent borrowers keeping pace with all the foreclosures that are heard about Obama’s plan, she thought, “This is first. This helps explain why many troubled taking place.” Obama said that he gets complaints perfect.” borrowers who are not yet in default – but should from homeowners every day and is still asking She passed all the eligibility hurdles on be eligible for the program – say they’ve found it his staff to tweak the program and make it more the government’s Web site, she says, and went hard to get their servicers to modify their loan. aggressive. to Chase’s Web site the day after the plan was July 4 marks the fourth month of the Obama His remarks were echoed by Elizabeth announced. It had all the information and all administration’s $75 billion effort. So far, more Warren, chairwoman of the Congressional the necessary forms. Sherman faxed in months than 200,000 loan modifications have been Oversight Panel, which oversees the Treasury of bank statements, two years of tax returns, offered, the Treasury Department said recently. Department’s response to the financial crisis, and a hardship letter, income statements and other Officials have said the plan should help as many Richard Neiman, superintendent of banks for the financial documentation – more than 60 pages as 4 million homeowners, but some frustrated state of New York, at a congressional hearing on in all. borrowers have told us that the program seems to Wednesday. Sherman says she followed up consistently be off to a slow start. At the hearing, Warren and Neiman grilled after that, but “I’ve received nothing. Not a In particular, a number of homeowners Herb Allison, the Treasury Department’s bailout phone call, not an e-mail, not a letter, nothing.” who’ve managed to keep up with their payments overseer, about the administration’s mortgage Her loan officer’s voice mailbox is full, she says. have told us they’ve gotten nowhere with their plan, citing some of the same problems we’ve Everyone she speaks to tells her it could take up loan servicers – in some cases, they’ve even been been hearing about. Allison said that it had taken to 90 days. told to stop payments if they want help. Credit a couple of weeks for the government and the Tom Kelly, a Chase spokesman, says the counselors generally say that homeowners should banks to get the program off the ground, but that bank first started processing loan modification never default on purpose, even to receive extra things are now “moving very rapidly.” applications for the government’s program on aid. But at times, Allison’s testimony seemed April 4 and that it has given highest priority to the We did the survey of the largest servicers in at odds with the reports we’ve been hearing most delinquent customers. It has also hired 950 the program to see how they are implementing from homeowners and housing counselors, a new loan counselors since Jan. 1, he says. “We’re the program. disconnect Warren was quick to point out. just working our way through the applications.” Under the program – called Making Home For instance, Allison said: “I think When Sherman spoke with a Chase Affordable (MHA)– the government offers it’s important that the public realize they representative in mid-June, she says, she was incentive payments to participating loan servicers told she’d have to send in updated financial that lower homeowners’ monthly mortgage 10 July 9, 2009 Singing Transformers: “Beauty and the Beast” fantasy: grand though sweet and silly, with an enchanted, hourglass rose marking the moments to redemption. The music is Disney at its most spectacular, with songs that would probably even cause Wolverine to tap his toes—especially the call for “more beer!” in the showstopper “Gaston.” Veteran local musical director Christopher A. McCroskey may have reached a career zenith in leading one of the best ensembles in recent Columbia theater memory. And musician Jennifer Hill is especially to be complimented for a virtuoso, one-woman-band performance as flautist, violinist and “piccolist.” Crowd-pleasing numbers include “Me,” “If I Can’t Love Her,” and “A Change in Me.” Director Shannon Willis Scruggs also moonlights as choreographer, which, given the size of the cast and the limited stage space at Town, is a bit like volunteering to orchestrate Manhattan rush hour traffic when you’re already the mayor of New York City. However, she deserves civic honors for both titles. Kristina Kusa as Belle in Town Theatre’s “Beauty Rarely is a community theater production upstaged by its own costume and set design, but and the Beast” Photo by Donna Harvey in this case, designers Donna Harvey and Danny by S.M. Baleen Harrington deserve an entire page of accolades. Summer 2009 is a wonderful time for any The drops and sets are Equity quality, with a youth aspiring to a comparative literature degree, library facade to die for. And the faux stain glass for just on the heels of the Columbia Marionette triptych of Beauty, Beast and Rose are museum- Theatre’s wonderful production of the traditional quality pieces. As for costumes, for every “Beauty and the Beast” tale comes Town Theatre’s amazing wig and hat there’s an equally impressive rendition of the Disney Broadway version—which anthropomorphic spinning plate, whisk and of course is inspired by the 1991 Disney animated condiment server. The only critique one could classic. possibly offer is that Beast’s hairpiece seems to People often accuse Mickey Mouse & Co. have been borrowed from the Cowardly Lion in of watering down many a great nursery narrative. “The Wizard of Oz.” However, Walt may have done this bedtime story The show is replete with fine performances, justice, adding singing household utensils and but stealing the show is Lee O. Smith as Cogsworth borrowing plot elements from “Frankenstein” the clock, who tick-tocks with prudish pomposity a films to create the greatest fantasy love story of the la John Cleese in “Fawlty Towers.” Jason Kinsey past two decades. So one can hardly blame Town reprises the role of Gaston with wonderful form Theatre for restaging “Beauty and the Beast” after as the larger-than-life town doofus “jacques”—I its successful 2005 production. mean, jock. Also of note are Kristina Kusa as In a silver screen summer dominated by Belle, who possesses a Broadway caliber singing transforming sports cars and war machines and voice, as does Greg Pipkin as the Beast, even if his grumpy, cigar-chewing mutants, it’s refreshing to acting interpretation seems a bit Ralph Kramden see some form of local entertainment devoted to “It is the quintessential make-believe fantasy: grand though sweet and silly, with an enchanted, hourglass rose marking the moments to redemption.” at times. One must credit Chip Collins for filling enlightened thought, acts of pure kindness and the in on one week’s notice as understudy in the role consequences of Bad Samaritanism. of Maurice, Belle’s father. And Kaitlyn Rainwater One dark and stormy night, an old woman deserves mention as the best French feather duster seeks shelter from a terrible storm at a prince’s west of the Seine. castle. She offers but a simple rose for payment, In all, the “Beauty” cast is practically upon which the haughty castle master throws her large enough to give Town Theatre a special out on her tuckus. The old woman, revealed as a exemption as its own municipality. Of the many witch, curses the castle’s inhabitants, transforming fine performances, it bears mentioning that this the handsome prince into a beast and his servants production includes more than eight family into a Renaissance Crate & Barrel chorus. (This thespian couplings, including George and Tiffany is no less interesting than a Camaro turning into Dinsmore as the candlestick Lumiere and the a warrior Autobot—though a singing teacup Storyteller, respectively, with their daughter with shoulder-harness photon cannons might Bree playing one of the three Silly Girls, who have drawn more thirty-something males to the also deserve kudos as wonderful floozy comic theater.) relief. There are also four mother-daughter and In nursery rhyme, roundabout fashion, three sibling acting combos, making this one of Maurice, father of the beautiful heroine, Belle, is the most family-friendly Columbia productions in ensnared at Beast Castle after a pack of wolves years. drives him through the woods. Belle finds her There’s really only one thing left to say: father and offers her life to the beast in exchange Be Town’s guest! Be Town’s guest! Be Town’s for her father’s freedom. Over time, Belle’s guest! “sparks” of kindness to her enslaver kindle into Beauty and the Beast runs July 10-26 at understanding, respect, and eventually, love. All Town Theatre. The curtain rises at 7:30 p.m., in all, it’s enough to make a teapot condensate except for Saturday and Sunday matinees as 2:00 more than a Michael Jackson mourner. p.m. Tickets range from $12-$20. Call 799.2510 Truly, there is no better “tale as old as for reservations. To learn more about Town time.” It is the quintessential make-believe Theatre, visit www.towntheatre.com. July 9, 2009 11 e for the so om ngs s h o a’ f i yo b u m r s u l 12 ?’ l i o f e C

You’re flashing back already, aren’t you? www.flashback943.com

fresh new country all day visit www.new92.com

Mornings almost worth getting up for. 12 July 9, 2009 www.colatheater.com with Governor Sanford: S.M. Baleen Not Starring in “High 12 ?’s School Musical 2” (Phew!) y arrett ellerhals Walter Graham is a local actor, B G K singer and director. His previous local directing projects include “Seussical,” “Urinetown” and “High School Musical.” His current production, “High School Musical 2” opens July 10 at Workshop Theatre.

(5) What live theatrical production most changed your life? WG: “Les Miserables.”

(6) Put in order from favorite to least favor- ite: Shakespeare, Eugene O’Neill, Sophocles, Photo Courtesy Workshop Theatre Arthur Miller, Neil Simon, Julie Taymor. Left to right: Michael Hazin, Martha Cox, Jake Etheridge, Ginny Sims, Bart Mather, Raime Padgett, Lori WG: Arthur Miller, Julie Taymor, Neil Simon, Minor and Matthew Phenix in Workshop Theatre’s production of “Disney’s High School Musical 2” Shakespeare, Sophocles, Eugene O’Neill. By Garrett Kellerhals jock Troy Bolton, bears an uncanny likeness (7) Drug or relaxant of choice? Don’t the recent confessions from our to pop sensation Zac Efron. Thus, you can (1) If your current production were an animal, WG: Liquor. Vodka. dear governor about his “tragic love story” simply stop reading here and rest assured what would it be and why? make us long for less consequential days? that your daughter or niece or goddaughter WG: A cat. The show is nice and sweet, but it (8) What Columbia theater has the most com- Days when we had to pass notes in order to will love you forever if you invest in a pair has pulled some claws out when I least expect- fortable seats? etch out our own niche of happiness in this of tickets. ed. Nothing big, just some technical things I WG: Trustus. big crazy world. Days when we escaped the Just as appealing, especially for his wasn’t expecting. pressure of obtaining a varsity letter and fell amazing vocal talent, is current Boston (9) What’s your favorite curse word? into the arms of some strange, new burning Conservatory student Bart Mather (2) What’s your favorite character in any WG: “Damn” works! play? passion. Days when it was okay to be young (“Urinetown,” “High School Musical”), WG: Memphis in “The Life.” and stupid and confused. (Though such whose classical training is definitely on (10) Does this questionnaire make you feel like days have not really ended for some political display in the role of Ryan Evans. Adding using your favorite curse word? leaders among us.) Days when we knew the required sweet and sour flavors to (3) If you could climb into a time machine and WG: Yeah. see any play ever produced, what would it be? everything no matter what our parents (or the mix are Ginny Sims, playing the WG: “Gypsy” with Ethel Merman. BONUS QUESTION: Are there any other Bill Bennett) said. darling girlfriend Gabriella Montez, and movie sequels or movie franchises you would Forget social studies and algebra. The Raime Padgett, who pulls off adolescent (4) What would it take to get you naked on like to see brought to the stage as a musical? real high school curriculum was surviving manipulation and jealousy to a tee (or is that stage? (Keep in mind that our interviewers GW: “Police Academy.” the world of cheating and locker-side gossip. tease?) as Ryan’s twin sister, Sharpay Evans. never carry more than $50 cash at any one A real passing grade was having a good Also, look for Corey Law (“Urinetown”) to time.) Editor’s note: “Police Academy, the Musical”? time with friends and doing what made you steal the show as Jack Scott, a new character WG: The guarantee that no one would see it! We sincerely hope this response won’t resur- happy—so long as the ’rents never found adapted exclusively for the show stage rect the career of Steve Guttenburg. out. version. Law’s unabashed, comical delivery So stop reading the Luv Guv’s steamy keeps even adult audience members engaged emails and turn your attention to Workshop in the milky midst of hormonal high school Theatre, which is bringing back the “High melodrama. School Musical” franchise for its second One of the grand traditions of musical installment. It’s a story about—well, theater is to assist audience members with something we might already be familiar with: forgetting the problems that fill up everyday a younger Latin lovely and her pursuits of a life—which is why, for the most part, pretty white boy’s heart. people make musicals about high school Director Walter Graham (“Seussical,” soap operas and not bubonic plague. “High “Urinetown,” “High School Musical”) School Musical 2” accomplishes just this, and his dedicated production team have while showcasing some of the best young assembled a very talented cast which is local triple threats and reminding us of more than up to the task of presenting this days when “finding your soul mate” while Disney Channel original story to a live currently in a relationship didn’t necessarily Columbia audience. The students of generic result in political Armageddon. East High have been eagerly anticipating summer break, and once the final bell rings, HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 2 runs July 10- choreographer McCree O’Kelley (“My Fair 11, 14-19 and 21-25 at Workshop Theatre. Lady”) channels a reservoir of teenage angst The curtain rises at 8 p.m. for all shows into an hour-and-a-half of slick, happy-feet except for the 3 p.m. Sunday matinee on musical numbers. July 19. Tickets range from $10-$20. Call If you have an easily-besotted, 799.6551 for reservations. To learn more “tweenybopper” girl in your family, it bears about Workshop Theatre, visit http://www. mentioning that Jake Etheridge, who plays workshoptheatretowntheatre.com

July 9, 2009 13 Will Jackson’s legacy be

Thursday, July 9 Headliners his music or his mania? Utopia The Kevin Kinney Band Café Strudel High Horse American Gun Good Witch and Tomato Season Wild Wing Café – Vista Mac’s on Main Headliners Kelly Cheats Natural Desire Tension Head Enter the Era Sunday, July 12 New Brookland Tavern Acronym Emora New Brookland Tavern Send The Serpah Mac’s on Main Dignan We Sail at Dawn Fatback & The Groove Band Venice Is Sinking City Under Flames Calculator New Brookland Tavern The Bereans Utopia The Restoration Dejavoodoo The Fire Tonight Monday, July 13 Allison Weiss Wild Wing Café – Vista claimed Jackson had broken a gag order in their POINT settlement and sued him for $60 million. That Y/our Sparkle Heart New Brookland Tavern The Unmentionables emembering Defeat r case was thrown out of court. Utopia Kotten-Dik Saturday, July 18 a pedophile Fast forward to February 2003 and the Willow Embargo? By PAul BlAke airing of the Martin Bashir documentary “Living Café Strudel Michael Jackson is a child molester no with Michael Jackson.” In it, Jackson admitted Wild Wing Café – Vista Tuesday, July 14 Darren Michaels matter what my libelous colleague says. to sleeping in bed alongside children. The soon- Sideways Derby to-be second accuser, Gavin Arvizo, is seen New Brookland Tavern Headliners briefly in the film. Arvizo met Jackson and other friday, July 10 Jason Scavone REMshot (Ultimate celebrities through a charitable organization Mark Kano R.E.M. Tribute) COUNTER POINT ichael ackson when he was going through chemotherapy Café Strudel Kyler England m J : treatments for cancer. Jackson helped pay the Brodie Porterfield Mac’s on Main misunderstood genius medical bills. Wednesday, July 15 MACS ALLSTARS By todd MoreheAd After the documentary aired, Arvizo’s Headliners There is no question that Michael Jackson mother went to attorney, Larry Feldman (not Robbing Zombie (Rob Zombie New Brookland Tavern New Brookland Tavern set the bar for modern celebrity weirdos. The authorities), with concerns about her son’s Tribute) The Rocketboys The Secret Handshake question is: should Jackson’s eccentricity be Facedown Dear Future PlayRadioPlay relationship with Jackson. Feldman had lauded, if not for its sheer scope, than for the represented Jordan Chandler in his 1993 case. Fourzeroalpha Ben Walker Love You Long Times music it produced? (Though one could suppose Kill Anties Dance Commander And then Santa Barbara county District Attorney, that the music produced the eccentricity.) Or, did Mac’s on Main Tom Sneddon, who was present for Jackson’s Soul Patrol Utopia Utopia his particular brand of weirdness take him down strip search ten years earlier, got involved. The Papa String Band Devils In Disguise a more sinister road, one that would ultimately Sneddon claimed that Jackson had not New Brookland Tavern lead to the folds of a young boy’s jockey shorts, molested Gavin Arvizo at the time the Bashir LFO Thursday, July 16 Wild Wing Café – Vista as my colleague, Mr. Blake, has argued? Will documentary aired. Still, Sneddon claimed, Rookie of the Year Brent McDonald that, in the end, taint his musical legacy? the singer was worried about Arvizo making Go Crash Audio Café Strudel Personally, I’ll always remember him false allegations of molestation, so he “falsely Ryan the Oneironaut Sunday, July 19 as the Thriller-era Michael Jackson, not the imprisoned” the entire family for over a month Utopia bleached tabloid creature he later became. at Neverland ranch (and a luxury hotel). During Drive South New Brookland Tavern New Brookland Tavern (And, I think, as time goes on, the world will this alleged imprisonment, the boy’s mother Wild Wing Café – Vista Life on Repeat In Regret remember him in a kinder light, as well.) The –who had filed two previous false imprisonment U-Phonik Aviary Fire Mainline allegations of pedophilia will fade into the lawsuits prior to meeting Jackson—went on Belson Strength of Heart background, because the public and the courts shopping sprees and had the boy’s braces Saturday, July 11 My Losing Season A Shot Below the Belt were never convinced that he touched those kids removed –all on Jackson’s tab. She never found Conquer Me inappropriately. And neither was I. The burden Café Strudel Utopia time to call the police to tell them that she and of proof just wasn’t there. her children were being imprisoned. Rapture Damone & Mich Frederick Ingram Monday, July 20 These are the facts: Rumpler It was also during this time that Jackson Jackson’s friendships with child actors like allegedly coerced the family to deny on camera Wild Wing Café – Vista New Brookland Tavern Macaulay Culkin and Corey Feldman, while Headliners Skaterink Jukebox Leading Edge that anything inappropriate had happened. (And, (Benefit for Aura Stanley) The Floorboards creepy, were innocent. But, it was enough to according to Sneddon, nothing inappropriate Josh Roberts and the Hinges friday, July 17 Food Coloring raise eyebrows. (It should be noted that years had happened at that point.) No, according Modern Society TBA later Culkin denied both publicly and under to the prosecution, it was only after Jackson Café Strudel oath that he was ever touched by Jackson and videotaped the Arvizo’s statements, sold it to New Brookland Tavern Malcolm Holcombe Feldman has flip-flopped so much on the subject FOX TV and only after authorities began to Zack Deputy that no one truly knows what his testimony –or investigate him, that he suddenly self-destructed, motives—were.) lost control of himself and decided to touch the In January, 1994, Jackson came to a boy’s pee pee after the two binged on “Jesus $22 million settlement out-of-court with the juice” and porn. According to the prosecution, family of 13-year-old Jordan Chandler, after Garvizo’s younger brother also happened to –on Chandler alleged molestation in 1993. It was two separate occasions—break through a locked this investigation that led to the infamous strip door at precisely the right moment, walk over to search that Jackson later detailed in a televised Jackson’s bed, witness the act, and leave again, statement. Jackson settled out of court and the without ever being noticed by Jackson or his city dropped its criminal case, citing lack of older brother. evidence. (For one, Chandler described the pop Sorry, I don’t buy it. And neither did the star’s Johnson as being circumcised, when, in jury. Sure, juries sometimes don’t land on the fact, it wasn’t. A hard detail to miss when you’re right side of the law, but the Arvizo case just supposedly eye level with it.) After police didn’t meet the burden of proof. Nor did the discovered that Evan Chandler, the boy’s father Chandler case. and mastermind of the suit, was $68,400 behind The fact is, in my opinion, Michael in child support payments, he was painted as Jackson was just a misunderstood eccentric, a jealous, deadbeat dad who was attempting not a pedophile. And, that in the end, will be to extort Jackson for money through his son. his legacy. Jackson claimed he settled with the Chandlers, so they’d simply go away. When a book was [email protected] 14 July 9, 2009 later released about the case, Evan Chandler ROCK N’ ROLL CROSSWORDS “DAZED AND PUZZLED” Across invasion 22. Robert Plant ‘Big __’ 1. ‘71 instumental from ‘The 60. Aspiring musician’s side 24. Metallica ‘Seek And ____’ Yes Album’ job? 26. Guitar protectors 5. President’s initials during 63. Noel and Mitch’s band 27. Led Zeppelin ‘The ____’ the birth of Be-Bop leader 28. Make a rocker straight, Greetings!!! Much love to everyone out of this album as Marvin Gaye’s ‘I Want You’, 8. Primus ‘__ Of Cheese’ 64. What bands get backstage perhaps there. Back with another volume…Hip Hop meshed with D’Angelo’s ‘Brown Sugar’, and a 12. Des Moines rockers Stone besides booze 30. Spinal ___ keeps rolling…Chris Brown has pleaded Not splash of Boyz 2 Men’s ‘CooleyHighHarmony’, ___ 66. Wager between battle of 32. Alaskan island rocker 13. Less known Supertramp the bands (2 wds) 33. Clash ‘___ And South’ Guilty, sentenced to 5 years probation, over and you have an idea of the sound on this disc. song 68. Kid Rock anthem 34. Acid amounts in parking 100 hours of community service, subject to From the flavor-filled ‘Cold’ to the current 15. Heavy metal’s ___ Enemy 69. Dead Head’s clothing lot restraining orders, released a new song called single about a man knowing he’s unworthy 16. ‘Rosanna’ rockers style 36. What Mama Kin smoked ‘Not My Fault’, and Rhianna still hasn’t spoken of a woman’s love, ‘Pretty Wings’, Maxwell 17. Groupie’s ring? 70. Lola drank champagne in Aerosmith tune 18. Craig Nicholls? and it tasted just like cherry 38. ‘Roundabout’ rockers a word about the incident. I guess it’s cool to be is on his A-Game. If his Al Green Tribute 19. __ __ Club ___ 41. Taste of the tour planes violent in America. Let’s get it!!!! performance a few weeks back is any indication 21. Sting’s band 71. U2 frontman bottle of what is to come, trust me…Black Summer’s 23. Paid off guitar at the pawn 72. Pearl Jam’s first album 42. Mr. Plant (!) ‘29 ___’ CURRENT LISTENS Night will not disappoint. Go Support Real shop 73. Louis XIV ‘The Best 43. Listen to the tapes 25. Concert exclamation Little Secrets Are __’ 48. California concert 1) Method Man & Redman- Blackout 2 Music!!!!!!!!! 26. Jack Johnson protege condition (2 wds) 2) Mos Def- The Estatic Matt ___ Down 49. ___ ‘The Bod’ Stewart 3) J-Dilla- Jay Stay Paid EVENTS 29. Concert list 1. Chicago blues time? 51. Home to 71 Across 4) The Roots- The Best Of… Just a couple of events to really lookout 31. ___ Funk Railroad 2. What Bon Jovi’s tour in ‘08 54. U2 Elevation (___ Raider 35. Emphasis on a note or got most of Mix) 5) 50 Cent- The War Angel LP for…. chord 3. Head ___matica 56. Worn by R&B guys in 6) Run-Dmc- Greatest Hits --Firstly, The SC Music Awards are coming 37. Repeated word in ‘83 4. Guy that puts on the show 70s along w/gold and 7) Eminem-The Relapse the weekend of July 9th thru the 12th. Chock full Jackson/McCartney hit 5. Lisa Loeb’s made her image unbuttoned shirts? of various events from a Celebrity Basketball 39. Kinks ‘Water__ Sunset’ 6. Floyd’s ‘___ Bell’ (abbr) 57. Rock star’s ride REVIEWS Game and Model Showcase to Crazy After- 40. Beatles lonely heart’s 7. ‘__ what you sow’ 58. Hungarian power metal club? (2 wds) 8. Big Head Todd ‘Broken band Dropping his last official album party’s and the Award Show going down at 44. Improv musician’s need? Hearted ___’ 59. Concert goers cocktail, NOW in summer 2001, Maxwell is returning Club Level (Blanding St.). Be sure to check 45. Phil Collins ‘In The __ 9. ___ ‘Cliffs of Dover’ w/out ice to a surprisingly welcoming audience. July nichemagazine.com for any specific or further Tonight’ Johnson 61. ELO instument 7th marks the release of his 4th official studio details. 46. “For those about to rock, 10. Teen rocker’s pre-show 62. Sound from Paris Hilton’s we ___ you” problem purse? album, Black Summer’s Night, on Columbia 47. Billy Idol’s expression 11. Talking Heads ‘And ___ 63. Swingin’ Utters ‘Jackie __’ Records. Rising to fame in 1995 with the --Secondly….Non Stop Hip Hop Live is 50. Christian Nu Metal band Was’ 65. Green Day ‘Words I release of the vintage debut Urban Hang back with another Beat Street Beat Battle 52. Concert arena 13. Al-___, for hard living Might Have ___’ Suite, containing classics such as ‘Ascension coming to the New Brookland Tavern on July construction material rockers’ family 67. Rocker’s body art, for th 53. Sir Mix-A-__ 14. “__ and low, that is the short (Don’t Ever Wonder)’ and Sumthin’ Sumthin’, 18 . It’s a NCAA Bracket Style competition 55. Gwen Stefani song tempo” the mane sporting crooner carved out his own pitting 16 producers against one another to 57. Home base of the British 20. Country sound path. So called, ‘in touch with his feminine duke it out for cash, prizes, and oh so much side’, Maxwell resonated with female listeners more. It will be hosted by Fat Rat Da Czar, as if he sported bras and stiletto’s. Continuing performances by Lyrikal Buddah, and banging on his stride with the release of his sophomore beats all night. $5 damage all nite. Slots are smash, Embrya, Maxwell became otherworldly still open, be sure to call 803.546.2319 or email in his approach to song writing, composition, [email protected] to register. and live performances. Creating songs like ‘Arroz Con Pollo’ and ‘Cocoa Cure’, Maxwell WORDS OF WISDOM further cemented his distinction amongst “Get Yourself Up”….Got a great his musical peers. Crafting classic love and interview coming with the Legendary Cheryl empowering songs such as, ‘This Woman’s ‘The Pearl’ of the Distinguish 1st Lady’s of Hip Work’, ‘Fortunate’, ’Whenever Wherever’, and Hop….SEQUENCE (Do Your Research). Stay ‘Reunion’, fans have been salivating at his Up!!!! return. Not one to disappoint, Black Summer’s Night, hitting stores on July 7th, is as smooth DJ Kingpin-Villain Of Vinyl Kingpin@ and seductive as Soul Music will sound. Think nonstophiphoplive.com

July 9 2009 Rock and roll crosswords are created by Todd Santos © 2009 rockandrollcrosswords.com 15 Arts Tyler Blanton Exhibit

works. Studying the collage more carefully, the viewer will discover, like with most of Blanton’s works, an underlying social commentary. In the case of “Ca Pri,” the newspaper clippings not only create the title of the collage, but also make a statement about fashion and women in general. Looking at portrayals of women, the power of fashion is under scrutiny. The other major influence on her work could be derived from her past as a ballet dancer. Women in motion, dancing or just moving, the expression of their movement sends another message. “I studied classical ballet as a young girl in New York City with George Balanchine’s School of American Ballet, and with the Tbillisi Choreographic in Tbillisi, Georgia, in the former USSR,” she says. By age fourteen she had performed in Moscow and Saint Petersburg. “The art of dance and movement still pulses By Judit Trunkos within my veins and moves within me during the creation process.” South Carolina native, Tyler Blanton, Creating large canvases gives Blanton the will show her new work as part of a group room to insert anything she wants to, pieces exhibition at the Gallery at DuPre, starting July of fabric, pearls, gems, anything that adds to 23. Blanton joins fellow painters Lori Starnes, her vision. On “Ca Pri” the confidence and Byers Greer, Mike Inman, Thomas Crouch and sexual power of women that partly comes from Lee A. Monts. the fashion of the time is incorporated with the This group exhibition provides great female charm. paintings in various styles. Starnes generally “I love to work on a large scale surface- paints figures and life scenes mostly about the which opens the door to the body’s movement African American community. Greer exhibits in space with paint on my hands or objects his abstract paintings together with Inman, who made into tools,” Blanton explains. “Just as the also represents a more non-figurative painting art of dance is raw, fresh and new with each style, and of course, Tyler Blanton features her move, so too does the canvas capture those body new collages and oil paintings. movements and strokes in time. Even words Blanton has been a very successful painter on newspaper, which I sometimes collage into as she continues to earn awards at the Annual works, are a movement in time. I often approach Spoleto Festival. Blanton’s new collages have the painting’s from a socio-political standpoint been heavily influenced by fashion, as her large that is not always immediately apparent. It piece titled “Eight and a Half” demonstrates. The has been said that my paintings are like subtle red shoe (size eight and a half) could mean many awakenings that lead to a greater truth.” things, but for sure makes a fashion statement about an age-old classic: red high heels. The exhibition at The Gallery at DuPre will “Ca Pri” is another large collage that is not present Lee A. Monts’ solo show of landscapes only inspired by fashion and style but is also with the opening reception held July 23 at 6:00 actually constructed of fabric and framed by p.m. newspaper clippings. Blanton is notorious for mixing and matching materials that make up her

803.218.9455

16 July 9, 2009

JONESIN’ CROSSWORDS “I’m Getting Dizzy”--turns to turn your brain to mush. su|do|ku .by Matt Jones 43 Submariner watch maker 21 “I love,” in Latin 44 Napkin spot 22 Lucy of “Kill Bill: Vol. 1” Across 47 ___ number on 23 Brass with a reed 1 L.A. County shore area 48 “1234” singer 26 Start of the Hebrew alphabet 12 Liqueur found in a grasshopper 50 “Born Free” figure 27 “Tsk tsk!” 14 Traveling that may make you dizzy 57 Kids’ activity that causes dizziness 33 Performing arts library abbr. 15 Tough Tolkien creatures 58 Difficult situations 36 Stanley Cup org. 16 Give off 37 Uno plus uno plus uno 18 Campus that’s about an hr. from Down 38 Dose of what you desire Concord 1 Diner where “Alice” took place 42 Low-cost synthesizer brand 19 Egg shapes 2 “What ___ supposed to say?” 44 Capt.’s inferior 24 Bottom-of-page abbr. 3 “Dancing With the Stars” judge 45 Charity orgs., maybe 25 “My Life in Ruins” actress Goodman 46 Condition once called “shell shock,” Vardalos 4 Original publisher of the “For for short 26 Blood cell deficiency that may cause Dummies” book series 48 Yell on the links dizziness 5 Wager 49 Boss Hogg’s deputy 27 German river 6 Surgery site located on a Florida 51 Antwerp International Airport’s 28 TV recording device campus, for short code on luggage tags 29 “The Phantom of the Opera” novel- 7 Sewing gathering 52 Spike TV, formerly ist Gaston 8 Nonunion quartet? 53 Go quickly 30 “Design on a Dime” channel 9 Suit to ___ 54 Multipurpose doc, for short 31 Where a Cockney wears his ‘at 10 Drink that may make you dizzy 55 Some shirt sizes: abbr. 32 Clearblue Easy competitor 11 Pauses before acting 56 Actor McKellen of “The Da Vinci 33 Horse hair 12 Attractions that may cause dizziness Code” 34 Digital camera variety, for short 13 Songwriter-husband of Minnie 35 They make you dizzy while redeco- Riperton and father of “SNL” alum ©2009 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@ rating a room Maya jonesincrosswords.com) 39 “___ dat” (“agreed”) 14 Most healthy For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900- 40 Tall apartment building 17 “Fringe” star Anna 226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 41 Arkansas real estate group under 19 Average poker hand 18+. Or to bill to scrutiny in the Whitewater investiga- 20 Hitchcock movie that may make your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. tions you dizzy Reference puzzle #0422.

18 July 9, 2009 Sex advice column SavageLove by Dan Savage ¡Ask a Mexican! I’m a 25-year-old straight female. I’ve been something nasty. Dewey is a racist Mexican pendejo dating my boyfriend for a few months, but we fell Dear Mexican: Looking politically scared? Do you in love fast and I want to make this last. However, My question: Does “100 percent safe sex” back recently on my distant want to stick to funny? Or are he doesn’t turn me on. It has nothing to do with even exist? Is there any way to protect my lover’s youth in northwest Ohio, I you, I think, like the misguided looks—he’s GORGEOUS—but rather with the husband? came to the realization that “I love to suck black cock” fact that I am submissive and like things rough the sweetest, most beautiful sheep of dumb America? (rape fantasies, being tied up, etc.). He is GGG Daunted By Threesome Reality and tries, but he is just too timid. The last guy I girl this gabacho ever went Dewey del Diablo dated used to toss me around like a rag doll, and There’s no such thing as “100 percent safe out with (indeed, in my entire I miss being dominated. I talked to my wonderful sex,” just as there’s no such thing as “100 percent senior class) was the pure- Dear Readers: GGG boyfriend, and he agreed right away to have safe chicken salad,” DBTR. (Sorry—just saw blooded daughter of Mexican I print this letter as a threesome with my previous guy. I haven’t talked Food, Inc.) There is only safer sex: use condoms immigrants. Am I under the educational experience. Dewey to the previous guy yet, but I’m sure he’d be into when appropriate, have more sex with fewer sway of 1) simple nostalgia, 2) wrote it a couple of years ago, it. My ex would love this scenario, I would get partners, get regular STI screenings. That said, racist exoticism, 3) premature so may it give hope to the the abuse I need, and my boyfriend would get a DBTR, hepatitis B is almost never transmitted by “lesson” in sub/dom sex. But... kissing, and there’s a 100 percent effective vaccine senility, or 4) a deep sense thousands of you who have 1. Am I being a selfish bitch? for it. And while HPV can sneak around condoms, of loss for what might have sent in preguntas and contact 2. Is it a bad sign that he’s not satisfying me there’s a highly effective HPV vaccine, too. And been? Please help, before I me months later, wondering sexually at three months? there are effective treatment options for those start reading Proust! if I’ll ever answer it. Patience, By GUSTAVO ARELLANO 3. Thank you! drug-resistant strains of gonorrhea you’re reading Couldn’t Help Wondering gente, patience. I will, but make Needs Some Abuse up on. As for your lady’s man’s immune system... like legal immigrants and wait “If his cancer has been in remission for Dear Gabacho: your turn in line. Dewey is a racist Mexican 1. You have needs, NSA, and you’re years, his immune system would be considered articulating them clearly and thoughtfully; you’re completely healthy,” says Dr. Barak Gaster, my None of the above. Face it: you fucked up. pendejo—his “facts” are as laughable as those being considerate and deliberate. And, yeah, you’re medical consultant at the University of Washington. Era the real deal. Now, go drown your mistake created by FAIR, but I’ll let negrito bloggers also being a selfish bitch. “Even when an immune system is decimated by in bottles of Sauza (rotgut tequila; you don’t debunk them—so may this show Mexican Good for you. heavy chemo, it’s amazingly able to reconstitute deserve the amber heaven that is Herradura), apologists that we can dish the hate just as well You have a right to be a little selfish—we all itself.” put on the Pedro Infante and weep like a good as, if not worse than, Know Nothings. Best yet, have a right to be a little selfish—when it comes to But the only way to ensure that you’re not macho. After that, find her on Facebook and Dewey actually introduced himself to me at a sex. You have needs and you want them met and introducing an STI into your triad, DBTR, is by ask, “What’s up?” Houston book signing last year with the best you want your gorgeous boyfriend to meet them. having sex with only these two people. possible compliment: “You’re like the Bible, Why? Because you’re a selfish bitch, no question, but that’s not the only reason. You also want him [email protected] I used to look forward to reading you, but man. I hate you, but I can’t stop reading.” Want to meet your needs—ably, skillfully—because you a previous edition of your column leads me to to hurt me, Know Nothings? Don’t write to me. want to stay with him, NSA. Showing him how to express my disdain. A guy asked why so many Every time ustedes do, it’s further proof that the meet your needs—even if that requires bringing young Latinos grab their dick, quote rap and Reconquista is not only real, but also hilarious. in the kinky ex for a tutorial—is one way to make don’t embrace their own culture. Here was that happen. The current boyfriend agreed, NSA, your chance to speak out about something that Explain to me, por favor, why Latinos so take yes for an answer! LULAC, MALDEF and every other farce of a (including Mexicans and Chicanos, but not 2. Some couples click right away, and some couples take some time to find their groove. My Latino voice out there should have already done Guatemalans) are the most superior baseball boyfriend doesn’t allow me to write about our sex and rip Mexican youth a new one for loving players on the planet? Is there some socio- life in any detail—privacy is his kink—but he will black culture. I don’t know how old you are, but political conspiracy going on here? allow me to say this: The sex we’re having at 15 blacks had their shot: abolishing slavery, civil years is a lot better than the sex we were having rights—just to name a few big ones. They have Latino Umpire Laughing At Caucasians at 15 weeks. So don’t despair that your boyfriend made great advances. But, at the same time, isn’t totally satisfying you at three months. We got any young or old pendejo can see that they also Dear LULAC: there (within a year), NSA, and you can too (with some effort). suck, leading in incarceration, HIV-infection Seems to be steroids. Thank God the most 3. No, NSA, thank you. It’s not often that and abortion rates; low school-testing scores; notable baseball players past and present of a letter from a straight reader forces me to go lie adoption candidates. These are facts since we Mexican descent—Fernando Valenzuela, Ted down in a dark room for half the day with a warm started keeping score. So here is this older, Williams, Nomar Garciaparra, Evan Longoria— washcloth over my eyes. The threesome you confused Chicano who wants you to perhaps appear to have achieved their greatness only describe is beyond hot; you’d be a fool not to go =>.<-*B< help inform the young Latino flock of sheep to through sandlot baseball, college programs for it, and I’d be drummed out of the Brotherhood stop this edification and false-idol worship, and and/or a steady carne-asada diet. of Amalgamated Male Sex Advice Columnists Slice Night Who Are Men (Local 609) if I didn’t urge you to you turn it into our (Latino and black) struggle! go for it. This threesome will help your current $1.25 Wake up, pendejo: They had their chance; it’s Ask the Mexican at themexican@ boyfriend up his game, thereby saving this our turn. Why do you think [Mexican’s note: askamexican.net or myspace.com/ocwab. Find relationship, or it will provide you with memories He goes on to ramble for a couple of hundred him on Facebook and Twitter! that you’ll cherish for the rest of your life. (And more words, so now we jump to . . .]? Are you by “cherish for the rest of your life,” I mean =1>;<-*B< “masturbate about for decades to come.”) Either way, you win. Go for it, NSA, and please send a 2 for 1 full report after it’s all over. Medium 2 toppings I’m dating a woman who happens to be (Dine in Only!) another chap’s wife. He knows. In fact, he sometimes joins in. The problem is that he had cancer some years back. It’s in remission, but his immune system was hit hard. How his body would deal with various sexually transmitted infections is in question. 341 S. Woodrow St. I love my lady friend—but since I’m dating around, we’ve started looking up info on the (Corner of Woodrow and Rosewood) internet about “safe sex” and have found a lot of contradictory info. You can get hepatitis B from kissing? HPV can sneak around condoms? Gonorrhea is starting to become antibiotic resistant? All this is making her feel like I might 803.252.6931 unintentionally expose her other beloved to July 9, 2009 19 Thursday 9 Friday 10 Saturday 11 Sunday 12 Monday 13 Tuesday 14 Wednesday 15 $5/$7 7pm $10/25/100 8pm $10/$12 9pm $7 7pm $2 8pm $5/$8 7pm $7 7pm Scene SC B-day Dignan Defeat Jason The Bash w/: LFO Zach Scavone Rocketboys The Restoration Venice is Sinking

JULY Kotton-Dik The Fire Tonight Rookie of the Deputy Calculator Dear Future Allison Weiss Year The Bereans Embargo? Kyler England Ben Walker Your Sparkle Heart Go Crash Audio Mark Kano Kill Anties

Thursday 16 Friday 17 Saturday 18 Sunday 19 Monday 20 Tuesday 21 Wednesday 22 $5/$8 7pm $5/$8 5:30pm $10 5pm $8 5pm $5/$8 6pm $5/$8 7pm $5/$8 8pm Emora The Secret Handshake Send the Seraph PlayRadioPlay NBT New Music Life on Repeat We Sail at Dawn Love You Long Times In Regret Sacred Aviary Fire Dance Commander Night w/: Just R Luck City Under Flames Clientel Conflict Belson $3/$5 9pm $5 9pm Mainline The Autumn Overcast JULY Leading Edge My Losing Season Dance Party hosted by: NonStop Hip Hop Live Strength of Heart Erison Kev Kev, Alejandro, SC Beat Street Beat Battle A Shot Below the Belt The Floorboards Invader John Anthony w/: Hosted by Conquer Me BLNGxBDGT, FatRat da Czar Food Coloring Silent Resolution Buckmaster, d-rail, & Adam w/ performance TBA Shion by Lyrikal Buddah Thursday 23 Friday 24 Saturday 25 Sunday 26 Monday 27 Wednesday 29 Thursday 30 $10 7pm $7 5pm $8 5pm $5/$8 7:30pm $5/$8 6pm $5/$8 6pm $6/$8 8pm Sequoyah Dr. Acula Punk rock My Losing So Much More Autumn Black explosion w/: Valley of Megiddo Taco & Prep School Bloodline Murder Media Soup SickSickSick Season Among the Broken DA Mofos The 94’s $10/$12 9:30pm

JULY The Not Likelys The Funky Junk Chivalry Small Sword Society Stray Hounds Danny the Wildchild You Me and Us Come Get Some Sunny Day D.Spot + Starkey The Loose Skrews Band Plan-C Rita Repulsa DeeJay M80 Republic Hey Whore Hey! DSS Crew Soma This is a Stick Up Interpreter Kev Kev The Chiltons MCs Dot & Cunnar Covered in Shit August 1st - 6pm July 10 $12/$15 8pm with Damien Jurado $10 GA psalters $25 M&G $100 VIP August 25 July 18 - 5pm - $10 7pm The Secret $13/$15 Handshake with PlayRadioPlay with Vanna Love You Long Times Set Your Goals This Time Next Year with Dance Commander Polar Bear Club August 19 Rookie of the Year Fireworks Go Crash Audio Drive A 6pm -- $10/$12

122 State St. W Columbia SC 29169 www.newbrooklandtavern.com 803.791.4413