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EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Todd Morehead ContentsJULY 22, 2010 VOLUME 5 ISSUE 31 [email protected] A RUNDOWN OF CONSERVATION VICTORIES AND DEFEATS AT THE STATE HOUSE P. 6 ARTS EDITOR Judit Trunkos [email protected] COLATHEATER.COM News.Politics.Commentary. S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals EDITORIAL JIM DEMINT’S BOLD STANCE 3 DESIGN LETTERS TO THE READER DEAR DANCING HIPPIE 4 Lindsey Downen THE GOOD FIGHT TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD TURNS 50 4 COVER STORY LEGISLATING THE ENVIRONMENT 5 MUSIC MUSIC SEQUOYA PREP SCHOOL 6 Kingsley Waring, Shelby Sachs don’t PANIC THE World’s FAILED STATES 12 PG. 4 PUBLISHER Paul Blake [email protected] ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Arts.Entertainment.Etc. John Gibson, James Wallace SOUNDBOARD PUNK/INDIE/EMO/SKA/HARDCORE/METAL/ROCK 10 CONTRIBUTORS MUSIC PREVIEW SEQUOYAH PREP SCHOOL AT NEW BROOKLAND TAVERN 11 S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals, Ismail Lagardien, REVIEW TOY STORY 3 13 WR Marshall, Will Moredock, Ted Rall, MOVIE TIMES AT THE NICK AND BIG MO DRIVE-IN 13 Dan Savage, Kingsley Waring, Baynard Woods SAVAGE LOVE ADULT SEX ADVICE 14 JONESIN CROSSWORDS 14 COLUMBIA CITY PAPER CARTOONS DERF & RED MEAT 15 2965 North Main Street SUDOKU 15 PG. 11 Columbia, SC 29201 803.218.9455 (DIAL AREA CODE) Advertisers in Columbia City Paper assume responsibility for the entire content of the advertisements. The first copy of Columbia City Paper is free. Additional copies are $1 and two-bits each. Views expressed do not necessarily represent the opinions of Columbia City Paper or its publisher. (C) Columbia City Paper, LLC 2 JULY 22, 2010 BY BAYNARD WOODS them shall ye eat. homosexual activity a capital crime. I’m And all that have not fins and scales in looking for DeMint to offer a similar bill If Jim DeMint truly stands by the the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in about shrimping. principles he espouses, he may one day the waters, and of any living thing which is Abomination-eating masses, we’ve got take a bold stand against South Carolina’s in the waters, they shall be an abomination to be ready. shrimpers and could even try to ban college unto you: And, to the S.C. man who keeps getting football on Saturdays. They shall be even an abomination unto caught having sex with a horse: Exodus says I spent a day calling DeMint’s offices you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye bestiality should be punished by death— to see when and if he would put those plans shall have their carcasses in abomination. the horse too. Sanford, bad news, buddy: into effect. The young summer interns who Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in Death. Well, as long as she wasn’t “another answered the phone were quite confident the waters, that shall be an abomination unto man’s wife” you might be saved, since when I asked them if the Senator believed you. your wife was little more than property and that the Bible was true. They were less certain How can you miss it? God himself states wasn’t guaranteed any protection from your when I asked about specific abominations. three times that shrimp, oysters, crabs and fornicating. But that’s kind of like asking DeMint still will not return my calls, but I scallops are abominations. The rant against what the meaning of is is, ain’t it? Oh, and no think it is safe to say that the Senator does shellfish is three times as long as the passage more college football. See, when Numbers not like abominations. The book of Leviticus about homosexuality. If abominations are says you die for breaking the Sabbath, it says that for a man to lie with another man marked with an X, gay sex is X-rated. But means Saturday. is an abomination. DeMint is pretty serious shrimp is XXX. Those clams you’re eating DeMint claims that his ethics and his about hating gay sex. While running for the better be bearded, lady, or God might strike politics are religiously motivated. And yet Senate in 2004, he talked with Tim Russert you down! he disobeys God every single day in an act of about how “as a father” he hated gay sex; And yet I’ve never heard DeMint open defiance. Leviticus commands Jim not he said openly that gay people should not be mention the issue at all. The guy must to cut his hair on the side or shave his face. allowed to teach in public schools. despise shrimpers—because they’re really DeMint says you cannot have two masters; But notice the wording (in the King like gay prostitutes when you think about in the battle for DeMint’s soul, Gillette beats James translation): “Thou shalt not lie it in Biblical terms, trolling around, selling Jehovah every day. with mankind, as with womankind: it is their abominations to others. To children If DeMint and his tea partiers shave and abomination.” It does not apply to lesbians, even! He must be really rejoicing about the cut their hair and eat shellfish and break the and so the lesbian bondage clubs are cool BP oil spill, because it killed this pernicious Sabbath, why don’t they just get it over with and not abominatory at all. Besides, there industry in more than one state. He could and start teabagging each other? was something the Old Testament God hated only pray for such a miracle in South Or they could just stop selectively using even more than gay men: shell fish. Carolina. the Bible to justify their positions. These shall ye eat of all that are in the David Bahati, a member of the [email protected] waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in Ugandan Parliament and DeMint’s C Street the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, Family, introduced a bill that would make JULY 22, 2010 3 Letters to the Reader Dear Charleston RiverDogs, we were intrigued by your announcement We fully support your idea to put that you, personally, have scheduled the Alvin Green’s head on the bodies of all Judeo-Christian Judgment Day to coincide those unused Mr. Liberty statues you have with the end of the Mayan calendar in 2012. laying around for fan appreciation night. “The Earth’s rotation has accelerated to a (In January, Charleston area officials briefly speed of 66,666 mph. All prophecies are discussed building a giant, male version fulfilling, even scientific, astronomical and of the Statue of Liberty in Charleston numerological formulae are aligning - all Harbor. Aesthetically speaking, cramming pointing to the year 2012, where the Puerto the Arthur Ravenel Jr. Bridge, the warships Rican-born Jose Luis De Jesus (Latitude at Patriot’s Point, and a glimmering, 300- 66.6°) curiously turns 66.” Then apparently foot statue of a naked man wearing a you are supposed to transform into some Liberty crown in the mouth of the Cooper type of benevolent Antichrist and blah, River is the type of overkill the nation blah, blah. expects from South Carolina. The “Statue For an ex-con televangelist to make of Freedom” would’ve made Charleston such a claim takes some brass balls. To me, like the Graceland of national cityscapes. A it’s just begging someone to throw down the perfect fit! Though, the idea was eventually gauntlet. See we’re sick of you soft wussies shot down, the Charleston RiverDogs who claim all this stuff about Y2K, various baseball team reportedly ordered boxes full second comings, divine origins, and aliens of Mr. Liberty statues that they planned to and shit and then when nothing happens give away.) …Enter Alvin Green and his you simply shrug it off. If you’re bold idea to sell action figures of himself to spur enough to claim to be the Antichrist, you’re economic growth –a Senate candidate and bold enough to do us all a favor and put an idea so bizarre that only a crate full of your money where your mouth is. semi nude Mr. Liberty statues would even This is an open challenge, Jose, from FREE UNLIMITED Calls Around the World be in the same league of absurdity. To marry Columbia City Paper: When the clock the two ideas and paste Green’s head onto strikes midnight and rolls into Jan. 1, 2013 the statues, well, RiverDogs, that’s just a and nothing happens, face your parishioners little bit of brilliance! If our country ever on live TV, admit that you’re just a grifter created an award show for state weirdness, like any street level con man, donate all this, sirs, would be their Oscar. your earnings to science, and take a job as a .99 Columbia City Paper line cook where you belong. $ Columbia City Paper Dear OCD relative Per Month For the first 6 months, then only $25.99/mo with 1 year agreement. 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