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the largest stock of whisky in (01209) 215561/213365 the west (01209) 713158 Stithians (01209)860385 Falmouth (01326) 377345 (01872) 274942 TELEPHONE 01326 340226 (01326) 573661 Mevagissey (01726) 842365 St. Austell (01726) 850462 WEBSITE w.w.w.drinkfinder.co.uk BARTON HOUSE, PARC ERISSEY NEW PORTREATH, REDRUTH TR16 4HZ A very merry christmas and a happy and H O S T E. E. C. NEWS (OR NOT) Hadron Collider collides - or not. prosperous new year to all those who have worked so hard to produce and distribute this newspaper. Not How would you like to meet one of the following:- The European Commission has announced an By:- Professor Madsa Hatta B. A. (Failed) wishing to laud any person over any other thanks go to, a civil servant from China, a religious studies student from agreement whereby English will be the official language in alphabetical order:- Germany, a medical student from Kyrgyzstan, a student of the European Union rather than German which was Word has reached us that the scientific world is agog Pam Clarke, Tracey Clowes, Geraldine Gove, of medieval Islamic history from Belarus, a prospective the other possibility. As part of the negotiations the with the news that the failure of the Hadron Collider to Caroline Hodges, Mike Hodges, Jeffrey Jorey, Pat journalist from Nepal or a fashion designer from Taiwan? British Government conceded that English spelling has find or otherwise identify the Higgs-Boson particle is due Miller, Mike Miller, Liz Moore, Jean Olds, Ros Olds, Well, unfortunately you are too late for one of these particular some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year to sabotage by the particle in the future. Where this idea Dennis Pascoe, Charles Pugh, Ronnie Rashleigh, people who have all spent a day or two in Constantine in ‘phase in’ plan that will produce what will be known as originated is, like the particle, shrouded in mystery leading Carolyn Reynolds, Clive Sarah, Chris Webber, Lin the last twelve months – but you could welcome someone ‘Euro English’. leading scientists to speculate that the origin of the theory of Wiliams, Robert Williams, Sue Yates, Constantine like them. In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly this sabotage from the future lies in the future with the Higgs- Parish Church members and to the subscribers, who HOST is a national charity, supported by the will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” Boson particle. Thus the particle may not be sabotaging pay for the paper to be posted to them. Foreign Office, which has 70 volunteers in Cornwall, 7 will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up the process from the future but may only be pretending to Thanks also go to those who advertise in these percent of whom live in Constantine. From time to time, konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter. There sabotage the process in the hope of persuading scientists to pages and provide much needed funds and to the Parish these hospitable folk open their homes to an adult from will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year terminate what will otherwise be an extremely successful Council for their generous annual grant. another country, who is studying at a U. K. University. These when the troublesome “ph” will be replased with “f ”. This project. Finally a particular thank you to the person who ‘one-off ’ visits are usually at the weekend but are especially will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. However, Professor Jeremy Kiddugwell Bacofoil (The supports me, encourages me, flatters me and occasionally popular at Christmas. In the third year publik akseptanse of the new spelling renowned Turkey wrapper) contends that there is an anti- browbeats me as well as delivering 50 copies, my darling The purpose is to introduce students from all over kan be expekted to reach the stage where more matter mirror-image particle of the Higgs-Boson, the Boson- wife Susan. the world to the way of life in Britain and to learn from komplikated reforms are possible. Governments will Higgs particle, which is as anxious as the Higgs-Boson This community newspaper has been in one another. The result is a very personal contribution to enkourage the removal of double letters which have not to be identified and which has joined forces with the existence for over six years and without the help of international friendship and goodwill. Many students say always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil Higgs- Boson to form a force with no mass but unlimited those mentioned above it would not last six weeks. that their HOST visit was a highlight of their time in the agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is energy intent on erasing any results the Hadron Collider Many many thanks to you all. U. K. and their hosts find the experience fun and rewarding. may produce. He believes that the Higgs-Boson particle disgrasful and it should go away. More invitations are urgently needed so will you help? By the fourth year people will be reseptiv to steps such has been found, that it has been the subject of a number of §§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§ See www.hostuk.org or contact HOST’s regional papers and that as each day has passed more has become as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”. organiser:- Margaret Stevens on 01326 341212. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from known but that the two particles the Higgs-Boson and the Mollie Silver writes:- At one time two Chinese students staying with a vords containing “ou” and after zis fifz year, ve vill hav Boson-Higgs have joined forces to erase all memory of the I wish to thank all those who sent me and my host in Constantine helped out in an emergency by typing a real sensibl riten styl. Zere vil be no mor trubl or discoveries. When asked to explain his theory in more detail family lovely Cards, Messages and Flowers and who parts of the Gweder Myras – so we are very supportive of difikultis and evrivun vil find it easy to understand each he replied, “What theory?” came to the Church to share with us in the superb this excellent system. ozer. Ze dream of a united Urop vil finally kum tru. Memorial Service which was so enhanced by the Two boots wet - four boots muddy!!!!! wonderful singing of the Jubilate and the Organ music. The Bird in the Abbey belfry still hoots at the moon. Mike Hodges The falling bomb makes no preparation for landing. The support of so many friends sharing with me my Mike Hodges. Mike Hodges loss of John will remain in my heart forever. Vol. A.R. 27 10 December 2009/January 2010 Vol. A.R. 27 3 December 2009/January 2010 SPIRAL CONSTRUCTION LTD.,

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WATER MA TROUT HELSTON TR13 0LW Christmas comes but once a year TELEPHONE 01326 574497 And when it does it brings good cheer Arthur Moyle and Alfie Coot laying crosses at FAX 01326 574760 There simply is not any other. Says Mother. Westminster Abbey just before they attended the Service E Mail [email protected] “Amen to that! Thank God!” of Remembrance at The Royal Albert Hall with their wives Rachel and Sally. Sivrej Trebor writes…- the Guides’ Centenary Arrangements, the Church Hall Tables replacement and the Primary School visit to our twin village in Brittany, St. Croix, next year. He spoke of decorative items. CONSTANTINE PARISH COUNCIL CHRISTMAS IS COMING the sudden problem our local children have in attending After enjoying coffee and a cake some of the happy MEETING Mullion School due to the drop out of the ‘bus contractor. throng strolled to the Tolmen Centre where they were By:- Carolyn Reynolds. He told of the CC Cabinet decision to forego £ 80 k by greeted by the sight of numerous stalls selling hand made Held in the Vestry on Thursday 19th November 2009 providing free the ‘ransom’ strip in Wheal Vivyan to allow th Christmas decorations, jewellery and a variety of beautifully at 7pm Last weekend (the 27 November) the ever the building of 12 ‘affordable ‘ houses in the adjoining field. excellent Miracle Theatre ensured a hilarious start to the produced craft items. A stalwart of these occasions, Sally Red - blooded fare was on the menu for the Finally, he bemoaned the unsatisfactory arrangements now festive season when their production of “The Revenge of Martin was there with her selection of delicious cakes and Councillors at this Meeting. for Planning administration in the new Council and what Rumplestiltskin” played to a capacity audience ranging close by a newcomer had a stall full of differing wooden No Parishioner attended the prior Public Question he proposed to do about them. He left then to follow the in ages from nine to ninety. Music, dancing, drama and items for the home, both decorative and practical. I browsed Time although the subsequent discussion emphasised how police to Mawnan to carry the news to their Council which pathos in equal measure delighted the assembled throng them all!!!!! Pausing to chat with some I learned that this is an opportunity for residents to deal with matters meets on the same evening each month. who responded with audience participation on a grand Nicola at ‘Lyrebird’ will be opening late on Tuesdays in the before the horse has bolted. But the accidentally locked The Police had earlier given their account of scale, booing and hissing where necessary, shouting “look run up to Christmas. I also discovered (belatedly) that Liz gate of the churchyard porch might have detered them ! action in the preceding month. There had been 6 crimes, behind you!” as one voice and roaring with laughter at the Agdam at Ponjerevah is offering holistic beauty therapies It did not account for the late arrival of the 3 of Criminal Damage, 1 Assault, 1 car damage and 1 comedy both visual and aural. Even the dismal weather – my favourite is the foot massage which sounds blissful, ’s Environmental Operations Manager break-in. Whilst the number was unwelcome, it followed a outside the Tolmen Centre could not dampen anyones quite a thought for those on their feet all day Christmas for the West Division (aka the Kerrier Council) : Google’s reduction earlier in the year and, in particular, there was no enjoyment of the evening. Words of appreciation for the shopping. Traffic Directions did that. He came to discuss the current bad behaviour reported over Hallowe’en when parents had Miracle Theatre and the management at the Tolmen floated The whole weekend was a pleasant and fun way to start the state of the Village waste and dog bins, which a review supervised an orderly celebration. They warned, however, on the late evening air. village Christmas celebrations and long may it continue to had deemed inadequate, and their red colour politically of a spate of rural break-ins of sheds etc and stressed the Saturday dawned with sun and showers but be enjoyed. incorrect, green seemingly the modern option. He brought need for adequate locks. the Church “Chrismas Coffee Morning” and the school little comfort, his funds are in short supply to remedy any Fly posting of Village events meant that this “Christmas Craft Fair” were both very well attended. The §§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§ deficiency and the Parish would have to provide from its (illegal) activity (under the Clean Neighbourhoods Church Hall was packed when I arrived, stalls including and Environment Act 2005) left an unsightly residue. The British Legion write, own Precept (ie its Budget). Astoundingly, bins cost about books, plants, ‘water into wine’ and raffles were all doing This Newspaper is asked to publish an appeal to those On behalf of the Constantine Branch of the British £100 each, by the time a robust construction and a secure a brisk trade with Liz Moore and her cohorts all busy. responsible to at least arrange for notices to be removed Legion we thank all those who attended and so generously attachment is provided. A £10 dustbin would not last long. John Richards and Melanie Uren added to the scene in when the event concerned’s date had passed. donated to the coffee morning in aid of the Poppy Appeal. He did, however, undertake to empty any that the Parish resplendent complimentary scarlet outfits with many folk Now came controversy over the Extension of the We thank all those who assisted and gave their time and might buy. Like Fagin, the Council will have a rethink. wearing a variety of decorated head gear for the “Christmas Car Park upon the receipt of two letters criticising the effort as well as those who contributed to the cake stall, The Cornwall Councillor brought better news in Hat” competition – this year won by the “Mad Hatter” Council’s action. Readers will remember the extension tombola and bric a brac and those who gave generous his Report. He has £2000 of Community Grants at his herself, Fran Down in a silver and white concoction with followed the Parish Plan recommendation two years donations for the raffle. Thanks to their efforts a total of disposal for local needs and has identified four suitable a huge brim adorned with silver bells and other festive ago. The details of the complaints can be obtained from £360.02p was raised for the Poppy Appeal. candidates : the Recreation changing rooms improvement, the Clerk (under the Freedom of Information Act 2000) Vol. A.R 27 4 December 2009/January 20120 Vol. A.R. 27 9 December 2009/January 2010

The Vicarage You’re a fine tall Farm Shop is fellow for your pleased to size announce that Mike Hodges Oh es. has joined Constantine us. He will born and bred.

and they were discussed at length (and some heat), together with the be in the shop on Monday and Thursday of proposed reply, which offered a rebuttal of most of the complaints, but each week to cut meat to your choice. which was amended and then agreed by the Council. The amendment You will find us at the bottom of related to the proposed surface which will be reconsidered. This will Retanna Hill on the A 394. mean a further delay in finalising the construction when the Council had hoped it would be usable before the winter rain turned the present [email protected] surface into a quagmire. Memory is an uncertain beast at the least and any which panders to all that is worst in the human condition. More good news came from Councillor Dick Just who is person connected with the recording of events will tell you Half truths, downright lies, revenge and slavering violence supervising the continuingly successful youth leisure activities in the that as far as eye witnesses are concerned no two accounts are peddled as the answer to perceived problems whipped village. The Tuesday meeting in the Church Hall was holding up with a are the same. Witness (A) has Mr. Z wearing a short green up out of molehills into mighty mountains. Headlines constant, if variable, attendance of some fourteen aged 10 to 16. Further coat whereas witness (B) has her wearing a long yellow dress scream of facts that are unsupported by any evidence (as activities are being considered under the leader, Barry Gribble (who is and so on. And where nostalgia is an element the average the later article in smaller type reluctantly admits). If faced a local resident). He hopes to solidify the matter by having a Board of person remembers what he wants to remember not what with and made to admit the inaccuracy any apology is in tiny Management, provided by local volunteers. All this comes at a cost of actually was. Take the example of weather of the past –the type and hidden away – never given the same prominence personal effort by those involved and financially costing the Council majority of elderly folk will tell you of the long hot summers as the original perfidy. If what is written fits in nicely with some £ 458. This is part of £ 1300 earmarked by the Council, the details of their youth – year following year of beautiful sunshine nostalgic prejudices it is swallowed whole and regurgitated being in the Monthly Accounts, scrutinised thoroughly as usual. from June to September with scarcely a cloud in the sky. An in a spray of beery breath in the four ale bars of the land and They included £110 on new Christmas lights (necessitated by the vandals’ old friend of mine (now no longer with us) used to tell me of in the cocktail lounges of the so called movers and shakers break-in of the vestry earlier this year), spent by Councillor Wiseman how he and his family pitched a bell tent on Towans of policy and principle. Our children are educated not as a who has the vital and time-consuming task of arranging the event. He every year and by the end of June they were all suntanned result of the long and documented experience of teachers separately reported he had managed to obtain four large trees (thanks to to a kipper colour and the sun then shone until the end of but as a sop to those who apparently control the voters the advice of Oliver Carne); one for Seworgan, one for Port Navas and September. Since he was a man who was deeply interested of this country (the tabloid press with all its vainglorious two for the village as well as twenty smaller ones for residents of Fore in geography and the natural world I bought him as a hyperbole and concomitant spleen). The National Health Street to put in their front gardens, thirteen having been applied for Christmas present a scientific book about the weather of Service is regularly and easily beaten with the stick of already. Volunteers to distribute the trees of 4th December are needed. Britain, region by region, which demonstrated with absolute failure by a newspaper industry that comes nowhere near The delapidated appearance of the Bus Shelter was also mentioned clarity that during the years he told me about there was only to matching the NHS dedication, caring, innovation and following an item of £160 in the Accounts for a replacement of a damaged one good summer with six weeks of sunshine in July and life saving, moreover a newspaper industry staffed by people (vandalised ? ) panel and will be reviewed in January. August and nothing at all as he remembered. After having who would not last five minutes as a nurse or doctor and Councillor Just reported the acquisition of the plot behind the Tolmen the book for four weeks he returned it to me and went back who are scarcely suitable to be hospital porters or cleaners Centre by Constantine Enterprises Company. to telling me the same old stories about long hot summers given the excellent job that porters and cleaners do. Nuf Before dispersing at 9.30 pm, the Council agreed to have their Annual – he had forgotten that the book ever existed. So that which said about our penal system except that if the tabloid press Dinner (at their own expense) in the Gweek Inn on 22 nd January, never happened became reality for him –and so it does had its way we would all be complicit accomplices in the for many of us. The past is a foreign country inhabited by judicial murder of countless of our fellow citizens, whether Hail sacred day, auspicious morn on which the Prince of life was born. inaccurate memories and fantasies tinted by rose coloured guilty or innocent, by hanging and someone would need to Messiah leaves his Father’s throne the glorious Lord of life comes down. spectacles and bolstered up by like memories of other be employed in every town to whip his neighbour until his people. This is alright as an exercise in keeping ourselves neighbour’s flesh hung in tatters. This is a so called Christian Arise my soul and hail the day nor sleep the solemn hours away. comfortable but when it is used as a yard stick to determine country where the philosophy of Christianity abounds and Let heavenly hosts arise and sing hossanas to the new born king present day rules it becomes exceedingly dangerous. We find where our Christian Politicians rise from their knees on a our lives, our education systems, our penal system and our Sunday to send young men to foreign countries to deal out Glory to God who reigns on high proclaim glad tidings through the sky. excellent National Health Service being run and ruled by and receive death on a Monday. Let Earth and Heaven salute the morn on which the Prince of life was born. the pathetic nostalgic scandal-mongering of a tabloid press HAPPY CHRISTMAS. Volume A. R. 27 8 December 2009/January 2010 Volume A. R. 27 5 December 2009/January 2010

Father Christmas was very sad – very, very sad. It looked as if there was not going to be any Christmas this year for all the girls and boys. It was true that all the presents were packed in shiny coloured paper with the names written on each parcel. It was also true that he had a list of who had been good and who had been naughty that year. It was also true that his magic sleigh was piled high with the presents to be taken to each house. And what was more he had been on a diet so that he would be WHATS O N slim enough to slide easily down the chimneys. But what was the use of Cottage Garden Society TOLMEN CENTRE all that when he had swine flu in his herd of reindeer. Seventeen of his (Contd.) (Contd) group of twenty had gone down with the flu that very day and, as every boy and girl knows he needs twelve reindeer to pull the sleigh. Worse When:- Thursday 14th January When:- Friday 8th January than that all his most experienced reindeer had the flu and the three that What:- Nature Photography What:- Epiphany Concert were left were new to the job and a bit skinny at that. He thought and “It”s a Set-Up” Time:- 7.00 p. m. Who:- David Chapman. All the usual suspects. thought – perhaps he could borrow some reindeer from the Laplanders Time:- 7.30. p.m. or the Scots but once they were sprinkled with the special magic flying Entrance:- £1. When:- Saturday 23rd January dust he could not send them back. He was at his wits end with only What:- Talk and taste day. four days to go. He was not in his best mood when there came a nasty CONSTANTINE AMBLERS Time:- 10.00. a.m. to 4.00 p.m. ‘HONK HONK!’ at his door. “Drat the boy”, he muttered for he knew that it was the post boy with some last minute requests. Angrily he flung When:- Wednesday 9th December SAVE THE CHILDREN What:- Christmas Walk his door open only to stand back with surprise for instead of the usual Meet at thee Car Park at 1.30 p.m. When:- Friday 29th January post van there was a huge tractor with a potato trailer behind. “WHAT Where:- Social Club IS THE MEANING OF THIS?“ he roared. “I am sorry,” said the TOLMEN CENTRE What:- Open Quiz post boy, “but it was the only transport I could find at short notice.” Four per Team. If you don’t have a “Never mind” said Father Christmas, “it is only one more disaster!” and When:- Saturday 5th December team just turn up and complete one he told the boy of his trouble “Oh dear,” said the boy, “there will be lots What:- A Family Film on the night. The Muppett Christmas Carol Cost:- £6 including pasty. of sad people.” He thought for a while. “Does your magic dust work on Time:- 2,30 p. m. anything?” he asked. “Yes, of course,” said the old man. “Then sprinkle Cost:- £2. SOCIAL CLUB some on the tractor and trailer and me and then we can all do the job!” said the boy. Father Christmas laughed with glee. “Problem solved,” he When:- Friday 11th December When:- Saturday 12th December said. So if on Christmas Eve you hear a tractor engine instead of sleigh What:- Bash Street Theatre What:- Christmas Market bells you will know why. Company with a new show Time:- 10.00 am onwards. Bringing to life the music & Transition Constantine is trying to compile a directory of all the artisans/makers and artists Comedy of a B & W film When:- Saturday 19th December in the Parish. Anyone interested please contact Clare Pound on 01326 340111. Cost:- £8, £7 and £4 Mulled Wine and Stalls outside. Volume A. R. 27 6 December 2009/January 2010 Volume A,R, 27 7 December 2009/January 2010

ON ON WHAT’S WHAT’S CONSTANTINE HISTORY CONSTANTINE SILVER CONSTANTINE W. I. PORT NAVAS VILLAGE HALL GROUP BAND (Contd) When:- Sunday December 6th When:- Friday 15th January When:- Friday 4th December. What:- Carol Service When:- Wednesday 13th January Time:- 7.15 p.m. Where:- Mawnan Smith Where:- Mawnan Smith What:- “B & B” an evening of What:- Smuggling/Wrecking What:- Switching on Lights Time:- 7.00 p. m. Bingo and Beetle Who:- Tony Pawley Time:- 7.00 p. m. Time:- 7.00 p. m. Where:- W. I. Hall When:- Monday December 7th Cost:- £5 When:- Saturday 5th December What:- Dinner at home Refreshments available CONSTANTINE PARISH Where:- Port Navas Catering by Jane Meredew Prior booking Carolyn 340079 CHURCH What:- Switching on Lights Time:- 6.00 to 7.00 p.m. When:- Monday January 11th When:- Wednesday 27th January When:- Tuesday 1st December Who:- St Johns Ambulance What:- Evening with Robs Guitars What:- Advent Carol Service When:- Monday 14th December Brigade. Time:- 7.00 p. m. Time:- 7.00 p. m. What:- Carols through the village Competition:- The oddest thing in Cost:- £7 including pasty. with the schoolchildren - collection your medicine chest/cupboard. Limited places so book early with When:- Friday 18th December in aid of Childrens Sennen Ward. Carolyn McDonald on 340079 What:- Village Carol Service PORT NAVAS VILLAGE Time:- 7.00 p. m. When:- Thursday 17th December HALL CONSTANTINE ONE AND Where:- Princess Pavillion. ALL CLUB When:- Sunday 20th December What:- Carols by Candlelight What:- Lighting the Xmas Tree What:- Christingle with Nativity Time:- 7.30 p. m. When:- Saturday 5th December When:- Monday 7th Decembcr Time:- 10.30 a.m. Time:- 6.00 p. m. What;- OPEN. And at:- 11.30 p.m. When:- Friday 18th December Carols, Punch, Mince Pies. Time:- Usual 2.00 p. m. Midnight Communion What:- Church Carol Service. Time:- 7.00 p.m. When:- Monday 7th December When:- Monday 21st December. When:- Friday 15th December What:- Xmas Craft Workshop What:- Xmas Lights Concert. Happy Birthday Jesus When:- Thursday 24th December with Nicky Time:- 5.50 p. m. What:- Family Communion. What:- Carols at Budock Vean. Time:- 2 pm to 4.30 pm Time:- 10.30. a.m. For the Hotel Guests. Cost:- £3 to cover materials COTTAGE GARDEN SOCIETY. Book early Carolyn on 340079 Hark what music fills creation When:- Friday 8th January When:- Saturday 12th December Circling through the boundless sky What:- Epiphany Concert When:- Saturday 9th January. What:- Xmas Party Night Shepherds filled with consternation Time:- 7.00 p. m. What:- Photo Call to mark the Time:- 7.30 p.m. Hear seraphic harmony. Where:- Tolmen Centre 10th Anniversary. Cost:- £2.50 Go to Bethlem, in a manger Time:- 11.00 a. m. followed by a All welcome, bring a friend, raffle There you’ll see your saviour king Hark the glad sound Wassail - Bring food to share and hot quiz. Members bring finger food Come and praise the heavenly stranger The Saviour comes mulled wine. and a raffle prize. Make the whole creation ring. The Saviour promised long.