The Catholic Commentator | September 5, 2012

Your Catholic

Preparing for the sacrament of in the Diocese of Baton Rouge page 10B

Marriage unites couples as well as their families page 3B

Social media: the something new in today’s page 5B

What you won’t see or hear at a Catholic wedding ceremony page 9B 2B The Catholic Commentator WEDDING September 5, 2012 New wedding traditions begin as old ones keep their place

By Laura Deavers Editor

Weddings are all about tradition, from what the , groom and their attendants wear to the wed- ding service and what takes place at the reception following the ceremony. As times change and peo- ple’s lives take new direction, some traditions go by the wayside and others take their place. Dancing has become an important part of the , from the of the newly During the wedding of Adrienne Milner Heib and Jona- married couple, to the bride and her father taking than Heib, Patricia and Richard Holder, left, the bride’s ma- the floor while the groom dances with his mother, ternal grandparents, and Perry and Carolin Milner, the to the money dance when guests pin money on the bride’s paternal grandparents, are the last two couples bride’s and the groom’s tux as they dance with dancing during the wedding reception dance to identify them. the longest married couple. The Milners received this dis- Another wedding tradition is the bride throwing tinction of the highest number of years since they will cel- her bouquet to all of the single women at the recep- ebrate 47 years of marriage in January. Photo provided by Carolin tion who have grouped together. The tradition holds Milner that the woman who catches the bouquet will be the Many wedding traditions center around the bridal bouquet. next to marry. All married couples are asked to join in the dance. While some follow the traditional practice of tossing With fewer single women available to catch the Couples are asked to sit down as years of marriage the bouquet to the single women attending the wedding, bouquet, brides have started new traditions. One are called out. The last couple dancing is the one that others are starting new traditions. Photo by Debbie Shelley | The Catho- of these is to recognize the couples at the reception has been married the longest. The bride then pres- lic Commentator who have been married for many years. ents her bouquet to the couple. September 5, 2012 WEDDING The Catholic Commentator 11B3B Marriage unites couples as well as their families By Liz O’Connor ginning of a relationship may be quickly Catholic News Service forgotten, but they become problems later on. LEVITTOWN, Pa. – As newly married In his own Hispanic community, Father couples get ready to spend their lives to- Garcia said, adult children are expected gether they soon realize they are not just to continue to take responsibility for their gaining a spouse but a whole new set of parents and siblings. For a good marriage, family members. it’s important that there be a general un- Marriage experts urge couples to get to derstanding ahead of time that parents know the family they are marrying into for will take a back seat to the primacy of the clues about their spouse, a sense of future marriage relationship, so that couples can family responsibilities and even to tap into work things out “without the orchestra of potential support. Father Guillermo Gar- the family playing in the background.” cia, assistant professor of religious studies It’s also important for couples to know at Mount St. Mary’s College in Los Ange- their in-laws so they can understand each les, said it’s important for couples thinking other, he said. about marriage to see how the prospective “I am convinced that we parent as we partner reacts with his or her family of ori- were parented,” Father Garcia said, adding gin. that it is helpful to “build a bond of friend- “We fall in love, and it’s a little like get- ship and frankness with one’s spouse’s CNS GRAPHIC 2012 ting married ‘under the influence,’ ’’ he parents.” joked. Irritations that come up at the be- Donna Tonrey, director of the marriage and family therapy program at LaSalle The “default” setting tends to be “Well, in can be incredibly helpful. The biggest pitfall comes University in Philadelphia, said one of the my family” but that way of doing things “They’re the people you lean on most most important elements of beginning a may not work for the new family formed by when you’re in need,” he said. up when a spouse feels good marriage is for each of the parties to the couple. The biggest pitfall, he said, comes up have a good understanding of his or her Today’s couples are less likely to know when a spouse feels neglected because his neglected because his family of origin. their in-laws well than couples in years or her partner is too connected to a parent Understanding the impact that their past who married within the communities or other family member. To avoid this situ- or her partner is too families had on who they are makes them where they grew up, said Gail Risch who ation, he advises couples to set up bound- better able “to foster emotional growth as teaches Christian ethics and theology of aries even around simple things such as connected to a parent or individuals and as a couple,” and she said a Christian marriage at Creighton Univer- telling parents to call before they come couple can’t do one without the other. sity in Omaha, Neb. over to visit. other family member. The most common pitfall she sees for Although in-laws tend to get a bad On a more positive note, Browning said newly married couples is when one or both reputation, Scott Browning, a psychol- that grandchildren are an incredible elixir, All Your WeddingScott Browning Occasions members process whatever’s happening ogy professor at Chestnut Hill College often smoothing over rough spots that may Professor at Chestnut Hill College in Philadelphia through their own experience of family. in Philadelphia, points out that they have existed between in-laws and spouses. From the news of your to the celebration of the "I do's" CateredPies, cookies,in our NEWLY ice remodeled cream step banquet in onfacility wedding cakes’ reign or yourBy special Carol Zimmermann place! desserts are quietly joining the or for some reason, they smash Catholic News Service party. Twenty percent prefer a this cake in each other’s faces. groom’s cake – a Southern tra- Many wedding books and WASHINGTON – The tried dition that is often chocolate – well-meaning relatives urge cou- and true white-tiered wedding while 14 percent chose candy and ples to save a piece of their wed- All Your Wedding Occasions Themedcake – a dinnerlongtime buffets-greattradition at 13 forpercent bachelor preferred andcupcakes. bacheloretteding cake parties in the freezer to enjoy From the news of your engagement most wedding receptions – might Wedding cakes, with their on their first anniversary. Romanticbe slowly getting candlelight the pink slip. rehearsallong history, dinners are not about to see Couples planning to serve a to the celebration of the "I do's" The beloved cake is getting their reign end anytime soon. need to do some Catered in our Newly remodeled banquet facility pushed aside at some receptions Some claim they got their start research and tasting beforehand. Bridalin favor brunches of nontraditional and desserts lunches in ancient Rome when people Most wedding cakes cost about or your special place! such as cupcake tiers or dessert stacked oat cakes and broke them $1,000. Some couples cut this Themed buffet dinners – great for bachelor and Couplesbuffets featuring Cocktail pies, Party cookies, Showers over the bride’s head. The wed- cost by presenting a frosted Sty- macaroons, whoopie pies or cake ding cakes of today, although rofoam cake or partial cake and bachelorette parties pops. Some receptions even offer somewhat less extravagant, start- then serve guests a less exotic Romantic candlelight rehearsal dinners their guests ice cream sundae sta- ed showing up at weddings in the sheet cake in the kitchen. tions or a cookies and milk bar. early 1900s. Theoretically, couples also Bridal brunches and lunches ContactBut change Susanne usually for comesall your cateringThis dessert needs of choice has a could choose not to serve dessert Couple's cocktail party showers slowly and most brides still pick whole lot of tradition connected but no wedding books or online 7521cakes Jefferson as their first Hwy- choice Baton for a toRouge, it beyond Lajust providing some- sites suggest that since they are wedding dessert. thing sweet to give the guests af- a fun way to mark special occa- Contact Susanne for all your catering needs A 225-924-9841“Real Weddings Survey” ter a meal and to interrupt hours sions. conducted by the wedding web- of reception dancing. Having just the right food or 7521 Jefferson Hwy. ~ Baton Rouge, La. sites theknot.com and wed The tradition of the bride and beverage at a wedding reception 225-924-9841 Viewdingchannel.com our catering in 2011 menu reveals at:www.cafeamericainrest.com groom cutting the cake is a clas- is no trivial matter either. After that 68 percent of new brides and sic wedding photo opportunity. all, Jesus is credited with per- View our catering menu at: cafeamericainrest.com Findgrooms us stillon wantFacebook the traditional Couples also typically feed each forming his first miracle – turn- Find us on Facebook tiered wedding cake but respon- other the first slices of cake as a ing water into wine – at the wed- dents also indicated that other sign of taking care of each other, ding in Cana. 4B The Catholic Commentator WEDDING September 5, 2012 Gifts that keep giving: sustainable wedding favors By Sara Angle way to thank guests for attending Choosing an original wedding Catholic News Service and they also say a lot about the favor can also be an opportunity couple. When a favor is out of the to give back and share a message WASHINGTON – If you have ordinary, it leaves a lasting im- about social justice. Fair trade, ever attended a wedding, chances pression on guests. ‘green,’ recycled or repurposed are you have a candle, mono- “It’s not mandatory, but it’s a gifts ensure that your guests are grammed tin of mints, lace- good way to thank people. It’s a getting something that will not wrapped Hershey’s Kisses or a way for you to express yourself only have an impact on them, but heart-shaped bottle opener to as a couple,” said Jackie Lebow- on the world. prove it. itz, assistant managing editor at “I think a lot of brides are look- Wedding favors can be a great Brides magazine. ing to reduce their footprints in their wedding; favors are for sure something you can easily have be green,” said Lebowitz. The tradition of gifting a small token of appreciation to wedding guests started in the 16th century with the European aristocratic practice of giving ‘bonbonniere,’ or small boxes made of porcelain, www.ashleymanorcatering.com crystal, precious stones or metal that contained sugary treats. The custom spread and certain items became popular based on culture and geography, just as others had a widespread reach in certain eras. The introduction of green and fair-trade initiatives into wed- ding planning picked up speed the bishops said the “the funda- easy or elaborate as the couple in 2008, and is now bigger than mental relation between human- desires. One simple and inexpen- ever, with many celebrities add- ity and nature is one of caring for sive option is to use small tree ing a green touch to their big day. creation.” cookies as stands to hold place According to the I Do Founda- By supporting an environ- cards made from recycled card- tion, which links engaged couples mental or economic justice ini- stock. For a personalized touch, with charitable gift registries, tiative in even the smallest way add a handwritten note to each more than 10 percent of couples during the course of the wedding guest underneath their name on incorporate philanthropy into planning process, it is a way to the . Seeds or plants their weddings. reflect on and express Catholic also make great gifts and tradi- Celebrity couple Kaitlin Ol- values. tional chocolate gifts can be up- son and Rob McElhenny planted dated with small bamboo boxes a tree in honor of each guest at of fair trade chocolate. their 2007 wedding. ‘Top Chef’ The introduction The Knot an online wedding Nikki Cascone and husband Brad planning site, recommends that Grossman gave herb plants and of green and couples give soy-wax or bees- seed paper telling guests where to wax candles which are more * Second entrée of equal or lesser value. Bring this coupon to Don's Seafood & Steak fair-trade House, Inc. - Baton Rouge to receive this special offer! This $8 off second entrée or up to find their seats at their June 2011 eco-friendly than paraffin wax $5 off second lunch entrée excludes evening specials and is not valid with other offers wedding. Another star couple, co- candles. and specials. Prices and specials subject to change. This offer good Monday through initiatives into Sunday. Dine-in only. Limit 5 coupons per table. Offer expires September 30, 2012. median Chris Kattan and model Another trend is to support lo- Specials not valid for private parties. Only original coupons are valid - Sunshine Tutt, sent guests home cal businesses by sending guests copies and downloaded coupons are not accepted. CC with organic products in reusable wedding planning home with recyclable jars of local Bring this coupon to Don’s Seafood & Steak House, canvas tote bags. picked up speed jam or honey or custom-labeled Baton Rouge and when you purchase one entrée at ‘Greening’ your wedding fa- wine from a nearby winery. regular price, receive up to $8 off a second entrée, vors is not just for celebrities, Lebowitz said that since many of equal or lesser value OR use this coupon to though, and can be easily incor- in 2008, and is guests need to travel to the wed- receive up to $5 off a second lunch entrée. porated into Catholic weddings. ding location, it is fun to send Offer valid Monday through Sunday. Eco-friendly and fair-trade now bigger than them home with a reminder of Dine-in only. items also build a common where the wedding was such as Private rooms ever, with many available for • Enjoy great food at reasonable prices ground between Catholic wed- “edible favors that speak to the lo- wedding showers in a pleasant, family atmosphere. ding attendees and guests from celebrities adding cal flavors or tastes or customs,” & rehearsal parties. • Choice steaks grilled to perfection. other denominations because that allow them to “go home and many religions share a passion experiment and try something • Seafood with a Cajun flair! for social justice initiatives. a green touch to new.” “We must expand our under- Eco-friendly wedding plans standing of the moral respon- their big day. don’t have to stop at favors either. sibility of citizens to serve the Couples can serve local food, common good,” the U.S. Catholic “A couple can really show what swap the limousine for a hy- bishops said in their 1986 pas- they believe in and practice what brid car, host their reception in toral letter Economic Justice they preach,” said Lebowitz. a green hotel and ask guests to for All. Five years later, in their Giving eco-friendly or fair- make donations to a charity in- document Renewing the Earth, trade wedding favors can be as stead of bringing a gift. September 5, 2012 WEDDING The Catholic Commentator 11B5B

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The Emily Post Institute spells out some wedding etiquette technology rules on its website emilypost.com. This can help a bridal couple navigate the social media. CNS photo Social media: the ‘something new’ in today’s weddings By Carol Zimmermann ever, be sent electronically. It stipulates that emails Catholic News Service can be used for “save the date” notices, wedding in- vitation replies, announcements to uninvited friends WASHINGTON – Modern brides and grooms and family, invitations to pre-wedding get-togethers might have a hard time balancing the adage that and lodging information. they need “something old, something new” at their In emails, just as with wedding websites, the Em- weddings since the new is at every corner. ily Post folks once again stress the need for discre- What’s new – and getting newer by the minute tion. The site says couples may send wedding up- – is technology’s role in today’s weddings from the dates through emails but urges them not to “flood Most family events are joyous to plan and first day a couple announces their engagement on the in-boxes” of their guest list with regular updates Facebook to blog posts about their and and not to share “overly personal details.” everything has to be just right. But having the difficult everything in between, such as online sites for wed- To manage social media at weddings before it be- ones run smoothly is important, too. ding vendors and apps for wedding hairstyles, dress- comes akin to an unruly wedding crasher, wedding A recent questionnaire prepared and tabulated by es and budget calculators. Social media sites also websites offer the following tips: Selected Independent Funeral Homes found that 99 percent allow members of the wedding party to ‘meet’ prior – Wedding guests and certainly the bride and of respondents* were satisfied with the level of service they received to the big day while Twitter or live video streaming groom need to stay offline during the ceremony. and would recommend Rabenhorst to their family and friends. allows guests who couldn’t make the ceremony to – To limit the number of updates right after the follow along. ceremony or during the reception, appoint an official Other categories also were equally high: overall For Catholic couples, the Internet is also a source “tweeter” or one or more “Tweet of Honor” so every- satisfaction, 98.8%, sensitivity of the funeral director, 98.2% for online marriage preparation programs and the one isn’t preoccupied with sending wedding updates. and courtesy of the staff, 98.8%. The survey’s results can U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops’ website for – Do away with disposable cameras and set up a be reviewed at rabenhorst.com/familyfeedback. yourmarriage.org provides advice not only for the shared online photo account such as Flickr so guests wedding day but for married life. can upload photos they take. When your family is involved, consider that our staff Wedding sites such as theknot.com offer engaged – Don’t post a photo of the bride until she posts is driven to anticipate your needs and get everything right. couples advice about how to navigate the myriad of one – which falls under the category of this is the That makes the family’s experience as stress free as possible. new technological tools. The Emily Post Institute couple’s day, not the guests. It’s the value of a Rabenhorst service. spells out some wedding etiquette technology rules Technology’s place in the modern wedding is on its website emilypost.com. clearly not leaving. This is all relatively new territory and certainly And 44 percent of brides are interested in doing was never anticipated in 1922 when Emily Post whatever it takes to get their 15 minutes of YouTube wrote “Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, fame, such as a choreographed dance down the aisle and at Home.” or first dance. Today the etiquette go-to site acknowledges that At Catholic weddings, bridal parties walking or many engaged couples use wedding websites, often even dancing down the aisle to popular music, just called “wed-sites” to post photos, information on isn’t going to happen. travel and lodging for the wedding, updates, elec- Father Joseph Gagnon, a senior priest in the Arch- tronic RSVP options and links to store gift registries. diocese of Detroit, who has officiated hundreds of Emilypost.com doesn’t frown on these sites; it weddings, stressed that marriage, just like any sacra- 825 Government St. • 11000 Florida Blvd. • www.rabenhorst.com just advises couples to use them with discretion and ment, is in large part “communication at its heart.” not post too much information on them. That communication – without any flashy up- *Responding to the SIFH questionnaire were 222 persons, who had a family member’s service conducted at Rabenhorst As far as emails go, the site emphatically empha- dates– might be just what couples need for the Funeral Homes between March 2010 and February 2011. sizes that invitations and thank you notes can never, “something old” balance. 6B The Catholic Commentator WEDDING September 5, 2012 Couples married for decades share longevity secrets

By Marylynn G. Hewitt est and sharing their faith. Catholic News Service Every night since they were married, almost 50 years ago, Jack kisses his wife, DETROIT – Every year dioceses across Patti, and says: “Good night, beautiful.” the country honor couples who have been She kisses him back in their end-of-anoth- married 25 or 50 years or more with spe- er-day ritual. cial Masses. And inevitably, reporters from No matter what kind of day they have diocesan newspapers often ask these cou- had, a good-night kiss is always a good way ples to share the secrets of what makes a to seal the day. That’s just one piece of ad- marriage work. vice they offer to engaged couples. At the Basilica of the National Shrine “Communication is another key,” said of the Immaculate Conception in Wash- Jack, 80. “We talk things over. If we have ington, more than 800 couples attended a problem, we talk about it. She’s usually a Mass in 2011 commemorating 25 to 75 right, and that’s the truth.” years of marriage. Sharing a value system and their Catho- One couple, Pat and Bob Deffinbaugh lic faith has helped through raising four from southern Maryland, told a reporter children, all adopted through Catholic So- they didn’t have any magic secrets to their cial Services, and welcoming nine grand- 50-year commitment. Instead, they simply children. believed God had been with them in good “And don’t ever lie,” Jack added. “If Patti times and in bad. CNS photo asks if I like a dress, and I don’t, I don’t say The Deffinbaughs, similar to other cou- that I do. But I try to be nice and say, ‘You ples, might not boast of anything special Ministries Office, has sought information not someone you will change after you are might not want to wear that again.’ ’’ they have done over the years but no doubt from couples married for five decades married. Patti, who is 78, said “respect for each they’d have words of wisdom for the newly that she has compiled into a booklet – Take good care of each other. other and integrity” is necessary. Prayer is and not-so-newly married. called: “True Soul Mates: Couples Mar- – Understand the commitment and also important. She tries to make it to daily The Chicago Archdiocese is convinced ried 50 Years Give Their Advice for Suc- when children come, have a unified front morning Mass before going to her part- this kind of practical advice is worth cessful Marriage.” in guiding them. time job, has her favorite daily prayers and sharing. For the past eight years, Kim Advice from the 2011 booklet includes: – Be each other’s best friend. Marriage knows whenever her husband wakes up in Hagerty, assistant director in the Family – Marry someone you think is perfect – is not always a 50/50 proposition. Some- the middle of the night, he prays a decade times you need to give 90 percent because of the rosary. “Throughout the night it there are times when you only give 10 per- ends up being a whole rosary,” he said and cent. That’s when your spouse, best friend, laughs. 7th Annual Baton Rouge takes up the slack. The couple, who were married in 1962, – Learn how to enjoy each other’s com- said it’s important to establish traditions Fall Couture pany. Do as many things as you can to- even if they wouldn’t mean anything to gether. anyone else. One spouse offered the understated se- For example, Jack brought Patti a poin- cret: “I agree with my wife.” settia on their first date, just before Christ- Jack and Patti Salter, parishioners of mas 1961. the National Shrine of the Little Flower in Every year since, as Christmas nears, Bridal Show Royal Oak, Mich., credit the longevity of when he presents her with a poinsettia, their marriage to little things they do each they’re reminded of when their love was day along with communicating, being hon- new. Daily marriage tips The Marriage and Family Life department of the U.S. Conference of Catholic bishops Sunday, October 14, 2012 has a website ForYourMarriage.org, which has many tips for men and women getting married along with helpful hints for couples who are married. These tips provide sugges- 1 p.m. – 4 p.m. tions of ways to keep love in a marriage. Fashion show at 3 p.m. Over the next several pages are some daily marriage tips. Go to the website ForYour- Marriage.org for additional hints. Admission $15 pp. Call 225-925-2244 for additional information. brbridalshow.com • Memories can rekindle romance. Did you ever write love letters to each other – snail mail or email? Find one and reread it together. Smile. Crowne Plaza Baton Rouge | 4728 Constitution Ave. • “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Eph 5:21) Mutuality is the www.crownebaton.com mark of a Christian marriage. Sometimes the husband leads, sometimes it is the wife. Is your marriage balanced? • Over 50 vendors for your total wedding planning needs • Exquisite Runway Show with Gifts for the Brides • Technology and media are useful for connecting and inspiration but they can also • Masters of Ceremonies Emily Turner/NBC 33 and Gordy Rush/ Guaranty Broadcasting • Performance by South Louisiana Wedding Music • Runway Show Entertainment by Complete Music and Video rob you of precious couple time. A few seconds can morph into an hour while your be- loved is withering from lack of attention. Turn it off! Pay attention. • Kids are one of the joys of marriage (much of the time). But they also tend to take their time off the top of your energy reserve. You aren’t married to your kids so don’t let them substitute for the intimacy you owe each other. • Do sports or other recreational pursuits steal your attention away from your be- loved? Independent interests are fine as long as they are not out of balance. Not sure if SEE TIPS PAGE 7B Livingston Parish ATTRACTIONS Parish Livingston Attractions, continued from 34 scape and its people, and it takes on the flavor and atmosphere of the region. 225-271-3100 or www.basspro.com. Enrichment The Arts Council of Livingston Parish at 133 Hummell St., Denham Springs, promotes and supports local arts endeavors and provides an avenue of expression to the growing community of area artists. The Council sponsors exhibits and arts classes in various media throughout the year. 225-664-1168 or www.artslivingston.org. Livingston Parish Public Libraries are first- class, modern facilities. Four new regional libraries opened in 2007: the Denham Springs- Walker Branch, the Albany-Springfield Branch, the Watson Branch and the South Branch,September to 5, 2012 WEDDING The Catholic Commentator 11B7B join the main library in Livingston. All libraries have reading rooms, separate areas for children, a Tough economy can strain or strengthen today’s gallery for exhibits and meeting rooms available By Liz O’Connor some money of his or her own as well as having “couple Catholic News Service ‘If they don’t deal with the stress’ of money” in their shared budget. to non-profit groups. The libraries host many Tonrey said it’s important to recognize financial stress LEVITTOWN,The Pa. Denham – How couples dealSprings with finances Antiques Villagefinancial is a big issues, tourist draw forfor Denham what it is, because Springs otherwise itand is apt to permeate other free events throughout the year, such as computeroften mirror the ways they deal with other stress factors areas of the couple’s lives. So, for example, if there is an classes, book clubs, demonstrations, storytimesin marriage, butLivingston in today’s tough financialParish. climate, money ‘the stress deals with them,’ unresolved disagreement about money the couple might can be a particularly difficult hurdle for a couple to over- get “kind of snippy” with each other, which hurts feelings, for children and other activities. For details,come. call pointing out that effective which in turn affects the intimacy which might have been Markie Blumer,observatory assistant professor and inscience the department education center. from 10:00 a.m. toenhanced 12:00 by noon, openly talkingconsist about of their a 20 concerns. the main branch at 225-686-2436 or visit of marriage and family therapy at the University of Ne- communication is essential. Randall Woodard, who teaches undergraduate theology www.livingston.lib.la.us. vada at Las Vegas,Scientists, said her department engineers recently and set other up a professionals minute video calledof marriageEinstein's in the Messengersdepartment of philosophy, and a theology, and pilot project to counsel couples having difficulties in their Donna Tonrey religious studies at St. Leo University near Tampa, Fla., said Laser Interferometer Gravitational-wavemarriages. search out and detect gravitational Marriagewaves and fromFamily Therapist, LaSalletour University, of Philadelphia the controlfinancial room where stress “amplifies the operating what already exists” in a mar- The Las Vegascosmic area has sources been particularly whose hard-hit existence by were first put for- riage. He said dealing with it well will make strong mar- Observatory, 19100 LIGO Lane, Livingston.the recession, with an unemployment rate of about 15 per- out that effective communication is essential. She also riages stronger, while marriages that already are faltering LIGO is an extraordinary, world-class researchcent. Of couplesward who came by forAlbert help, 54 Einstein. percent were Publicearn- said tours, it is important on Fridays that each member of the coupleSee have Attractions,will find that money issues only exacerbate 36 problems. ing less than $25,000 per year and 75 percent less than $35,000 per year, putting them in or on the edge of pov- erty. Many of them, she said, were couples who had been married many years and had solidly middle-class life- styles before one or both partners became unemployed. The worst problems were caused by “a change in the power dynamics and roles within the couple relation- ship,” Blumer said, a finding that was echoed by other researchers. What was found to be most damaging to the marriages was one partner blaming another; most helpful Making Every Moment Count was pointing out to them ways in which they had together “weathered other storms” in the course of their married lives. The Nevada researchers found that if the couple used the financial difficulties as an occasion to build each other up, if they “really took the tack that we are in this togeth- er,” it could strengthen the marital bond. Blumer also said it was helpful if a couple had the sup- port of a community such as a church or other organiza- tion. Father Guillermo Garcia, assistant professor of reli- gious studies at Mount St. Mary’s College in Los Angeles, said couples can get through financial stress if they’re committed to making the marriage work and to “love each other intensely,” if they have, “in spite of all this mess, a commitment to stick together.” He suggested that couples look at how previous gen- erations handled hard times. “You have to recall those les- sons now.” Corporate Events • Meetings • Banquets A lot of today’s young couples are the children of the relatively affluent baby-boomer generation who wanted to give their children the best of everything. “This gen- Weddings • Receptions eration has to learn to live without” all the material things they may want and focus instead on “the small things that Full-service Catering bring people together,” Father Garcia said. Communities, including churches, can help pass on this wisdom that young people may not have witnessed firsthand. Donna Tonrey, who teaches marriage and family thera- py at LaSalle University in Philadelphia, said dealing with financial difficulties calls for a high level of trust between the couple which could ultimately strengthen the relation- ship. Conversely, she said, “If they don’t deal with the stress” of financial issues, “the stress deals with them,” pointing TIPS: Website offers ideas FROM PAGE 6B it’s too much? Ask. • Not all infidelity is sexual. Does your work steal your 8743 Stephenson Drive • Denham Springs attention away from your spouse? Do opposite sex col- leagues at work seem more appealing because they seem (225) 665-4080 • www.ForrestGrovePlantation.com to be on the same wavelength or flatter you? Pay attention [email protected] to your vow and spouse.

LIVINGSTON PARISH 2010 MEMBERSHIP DIRECTORY • page 35 8B The Catholic Commentator WEDDING September 5, 2012 Surviving the first year of parenthood

hen a couple discovers long they have been married. third. Not only is this the best confidence and thus learn to be your baby either. Especially that they are expect- That the birth of the first child thing for my marriage, it is capable in turn of authentic and if one parent is staying home, Wing their first child, marks a time of incredible also the best thing for my son. generous love” (Family, 44). My avoiding the baby as a topic of they know (hopefully) that changes to a couple’s lifestyle Pope Benedict XVI once asked relationship with my husband is discussion so that you can have they are in for some tremen- and priorities is a universal parents to “first of all remain my most important relationship “adult conversation” probably dous changes. This is the case truth. firm forever in your reciprocal on this earth. won’t work. Couples talk about no matter their age, no matter In my vocation of marriage, love: this is the first great gift The fact is, though, that when what they are connected to emo- the size of their home or their I am called to love God first, my your children need if they are to you get home from the hospital, tionally and their day’s experi- income and no matter how spouse second and my children grow up serene, acquire self- there is a very tiny and very ences. It is only natural that you needy little person completely will find yourself talking about depending on your time and your child a lot. energy to survive and thrive. Daniel and I have found It is so easy to get wrapped up this to be a great bonding in the needs of your new baby, experience. Sharing with each in learning how to fulfill them other every day the joys, big and and in attempting to rise above small, that Charlie brings to our your own feelings of utter and lives helps us to remember the complete exhaustion. What does miracle – that Almighty God putting your spouse first and used our love for one another taking care of your marriage to create a brand new person. look like then? And what does We help each other to hold onto it look like when those first few that wonder that filled us during stressful weeks pass by and the first few hours of getting life gets “back to normal”– but acquainted with our newborn “normal” is anything but? boy. “That’s your son,” I might Looking back on that first say to Daniel as we sit at home year of my now 16-month-old watching Charlie play. “Look son Charlie’s life, there are at the little person he’s becom- certain things that helped my ing.” Holding on to the awe at husband, Daniel, and me to the miracle of his existence and adjust to loving each other in remembering that this little boy our new life. is, in a sense, our love for each Spending Time Together other made visible, binds us First of all, spend time ever closer together. together. No kidding, right? A Little “Thank You” Goes a Usually this very common piece Long Way of advice focuses on the impor- Alas, everyday life with an tance of time spent without the infant isn’t all joyful medita- baby, but while it is nice to get tion. In fact, at times it seems away for a couple of hours in that it’s all sleepless nights, between nursing sessions, this dirty diapers and a baby-shaped may not always be practical. weight glued to your hip while Fortunately, in order to have dishes pile up on the counters. It “quality time” with your spouse, is in this everyday existence that you don’t necessarily need to it often becomes difficult for me leave your little one behind. to see beyond the tip of my own An infant in your arms doesn’t nose to realize that my husband impede adult conversation in is also tired and stressed and it any way, doesn’t yet need to be is in this everyday existence that chased around the house and the little things can go a very will usually only cry if there is long way. something wrong that can very For example, don’t let easily be fixed. Early on, enjoy- anything go without thanks, ing a meal or a movie at home whether it is for your spouse with my husband with Charlie cleaning up from dinner or go- close by was much more relax- ing to work every day to provide ing for me than being away from for your little family. Other af- him and wondering how he was. firmations are appreciated, too. Once we put Charlie to bed we When I watch Daniel reading a had the living room to ourselves, story to Charlie and think about and we made our time together what a good daddy he is, I try to special right where we were, us- tell him so. It is so uplifting to 8750 Florida Boulevard Second Location: ing the space that we had. This be on the receiving end of these Baton Rouge Bridal Boutique Off The Rack was especially important with kinds of affirmations. One day I our preferred sleeping arrange- had just sat down on the couch (corner of Airline & Florida) 10510 Airline Hwy, Ste. D ments which put Charlie in our to nurse 11-month-old Charlie. Monday – Saturday: 10am – 6pm Baton Rouge • 225-291-5055 bedroom for almost his entire “I know I see it all the time,” Sunday Noon – 5 pm Monday – Saturday: 10am – 6pm first year. Daniel said as he gazed lovingly www.bridalboutiquebr.com Don’t feel as though you have at the two of us, “but it’s still so to mentally “get away” from SEE PARENTHOOD PAGE 9B September 5, 2012 WEDDING The Catholic Commentator 11B9B What you won’t see or hear at a Catholic wedding

By Marylynn G. Hewitt by her father or both her parents. of the ceremony must fit with the Catholic News Service Father Gagnon, a priest for 50 sacredness of the moment. years, said in recent years he’s His own uncle, a parish organ- DETROIT – Although it’s a celebrated an increasing num- ist, was fired ‘way back in time, standard wedding scene in mov- bers of weddings where the bride for playing “Turkey in the Straw’’ ies, there’s a good reason you and groom walk into church and at one wedding, he said. won’t hear the phrase: ‘With this down the aisle together. Many “Weddings are very powerful ring, I thee wed’ at a Catholic times they also stand at the en- times,” Father Gagnon said. “To marriage ceremony. trance to the church and welcome stand before family and friends “You are wed by your promise” family and friends as they arrive and say, ‘I promise to be true to and not by the exchange of rings, to celebrate their special day. you in good times and in bad, in said Father Joseph Gagnon, a se- Then there is the statement: sickness and in health. I will love nior priest in the Archdiocese of “If anyone knows any reason why you and honor you all the days Detroit. these two should not be wed, let of my life,’ is a serious step. It’s a In Catholic weddings the him speak now, or forever hold very joyful step, too.” priest will say a blessing over the his peace.” While that has been The priest pointed out that rings that couples exchange, but the turning point in many a mov- marriage, just like any sacra- the actual moment of the mar- ie, you won’t hear it at a Catholic ment, is in large part “communi- riage takes place with the cou- wedding. Father Gagnon said cation at its heart.” ple’s vows. The rings symbolize publishing the wedding banns in “In marriage, the value of the the union that has already taken the parish bulletin for the three public vows affirms before 200 place. weeks before the big day can people that this is the one I am Asking the question “Who serve the same purpose, although taking to be my wife or my hus- gives this woman to be mar- he can’t recall any instance where band and to make a home and ried?” is another common phrase that has ever caused an issue. marriage together,” he added. one would not hear at a Catholic Another common tradition “I’ve seen a lot of sheepish wedding, said Father Gagnon, of bridal parties walking or even people come to weddings and who has officiated at hundreds of dancing down the aisle to popu- hear these powerful statements marriage ceremonies. lar music just isn’t going to hap- that really affirm what a family is The priest said these words go pen at a Catholic wedding. and what a marriage is and see it back to “kind of an ancient for- Father Gagnon noted that become like a wake-up call.” mula from the days when women while personal touches are nice, He said for everyone in the were thought of as chattel or the they need to be worked out in ad- congregation it becomes “a cat- property of their families, espe- vance with the priest, deacon or echetical moment, a teaching cially her father’s family. That is marriage coordinator. No mat- moment.” not the present attitude, grate- In Catholic weddings the priest will say a blessing over the rings that ter how much a particular song ‘That’s a very powerful thing,’ fully.” couples exchange, but the actual moment of the marriage takes place means to a couple, all elements he added. “It is her choice and his with the couple’s vows. CNS photo choice,” he said of the bride and groom and their decision to come A common practice highlight- groom is escorted down the aisle together. No one gives anyone ing the couple’s decision to join by his parents. After he joins the away at a Catholic marriage cer- together as husband and wife is groomsmen at the altar, the bride Palazzo Bernardo emony. the entrance practice where the is escorted down the aisle either Over 30 years experience. PARENTHOOD: Patience goes a long way More FROM PAGE 8B that marriage should be built precious.” This was so special to on. Attend Mass together. Pray marriage tips me that I still feel myself glow- and read Scripture together. ing just thinking about it. Share your feelings and strug- • “Focus on strengths The gift of facilitating per- gles, without fear of how they more than mistakes.” (Active sonal time is another thing that may be taken. Lift up your Parenting) Watch for one ac- is extremely appreciated. I’m spouse in your personal prayer. complishment or virtue that "A Place Where talking about when Daniel takes Also, do things according to your child demonstrates to- Your Dreams Can Come True" care of Charlie to give me time the way God designed them, day and comment on it. This for a leisurely shower, or wakes through the practices of natural works for spouses too. up with Charlie in the morning family planning and, if you can, • Start and end each day We cater any event – and takes him into the living breastfeeding. With God as the by thanking God for letting Wedding Receptions, Rehearsal Dinners, Anniversaries, room to play so that I can have rock you cling to, your love will this person be in your life. Banquets, Luncheons, Reunions, Parties... an extra half hour of sleep. To weather this and every storm Just a quick smile when he/ a sleep-deprived mom (or dad), that comes your way. Really, she walks in the room tells there really is no better way to though, I can hardly call the your spouse you care that say “I love you.” first year of my firstborn’s life a he/she isnear you. These are all ways that storm; it has brought way more • (Reader’s Tip) Like your spouses can take care of each joy than it has destruction. spouse for who he/she is as a other and help one another to person. When I’m really an- 2244 Highway 3120 adjust during the first year of SARAH HAMMOND wrote this col- gry at my husband, I realize Donaldsonville, LA 70346 parenthood. I saved the most umn for the U.S. Conference of what kind of man he is and I Ph. 225-473-8716 FAX 225-473-8740 important for last, though, and Catholic Bishops website For thank God he chose me to be Visit our website at: www.bernardoscatering.com that concerns the rock of faith YourMarriage.org. his wife. 10B The Catholic Commentator WEDDING September 5, 2012 Sacrament of marriage requires preparation in Diocese of Baton Rouge

By Laura Deavers In the Diocese of Baton Rouge, wed- Editor dings are not permitted on Sundays or on holy days of obligation. Nor are weddings, A couple choosing to marry in the Cath- even without the nuptial Mass, permitted olic Church should realize that their wed- after 3 p.m. on Saturday or days preceding ding is more than a public display; it is a the holy days of obligation. sacrament. Weddings on other weekdays must be A Catholic marriage is sacramental, not scheduled to begin no later than 8 p.m. just legal; sacred, rather than merely secu- There is no diocesan norm prohibit- lar, public as well as personal. ing marriage during Advent or Lent. But, The couple signifies and shares in the where weddings are scheduled during mystery of that unity and love which exists these times of the church year, the couple between Christ and his Church. should be advised to take into consider- As with all sacraments, preparation for ation the special nature of these liturgical marriage is necessary for those who will seasons. In practice, the décor and litur- be receiving the sacrament. Preparation is gical arrangements determined by the also needed for the wedding liturgy. church parish during these seasons take The wedding liturgy is never to be priority over the environment desired by seen as an event or show for the bride and the couple for the wedding. groom with family and friends attending In the Diocese of Baton Rouge, wed- as an audience. dings are usually to be celebrated in the A well-planned liturgy gives insight into church parish where either the bride or the importance the couple has placed on groom has a domicile, quasi-domicile or their wedding. But there are some dioc- month-long residence. With the permis- A well-planned liturgy gives insight into the importance the couple has placed on their esan policies that pertain to weddings. sion of the pastor of either the bride or wedding. In the Catholic Church, a marriage of two Catholics normally takes place with- in a Mass. File photo by Kleinpeter Photography

groom and the pastor of the place of the or ministers of hospitality, ministers of the proposed wedding, a wedding may take word, ministers of the Eucharist, ministers place in some other parish church. With of music, gift bearers and altar servers. the additional permission of the proper re- The wedding is a community celebra- ligious superior, a wedding may take place tion of the love the couple has for each oth- in a chapel attached to a religious house. er, a love that is to be a sacrament, a sign of Weddings may not be celebrated out-of- God’s faithful love in this community. doors, in commercial halls, secular facili- Because the marriage ceremony is a ties or private homes. public act of worship as well, it should re- In the Catholic Church, a marriage of flect the communal nature of the sacra- two Catholics normally takes place within ment, with the guests serving not merely a Mass. For a serious reason, a marriage as spectators, but none as participants in between a Catholic and a baptized non- the marriage celebration. They are called Catholic may take place at a nuptial Mass. upon to pray, to sing and to witness the love Permission may also be granted for a Cath- of Christ in the Church and in society, to be olic and a non-baptized person to be mar- signs of Christian love and support for the ried at a nuptial Mass for a grave reason. couple as they begin their married life. When either the bride or groom is The couple is encouraged to choose the not Catholic, the couple is encouraged to readings, prepare the general interces- choose a wedding liturgy that does not sions and select the music for the wedding include Communion. Since at present, liturgy. Music will add much joy to the Catholics and other Christians do not have wedding, and it is used to help the people You have a baby on the way. You want everything to be perfect, just like her. shared Communion, it would be inhospi- to pray. So congregational singing is pre- By choosing Lane Regional Medical Center, you’ll give her the very best. We’ve table to have only the bride or groom, who ferred, even though a vocal soloist or choir been helping families just like yours for more than 50 years. Call today and is Catholic, receive the Eucharist. Those at- may be very appropriate at certain times tending the wedding who are non-Catholic before and during the liturgy. begin your journey down Baby Lane. would be denied coming to the Eucharist, The Diocese of Baton Rouge recom- which gives a strong sense of disunity. mends that music be chosen that is li- The wedding liturgy is complete wheth- turgically correct and of good quality. er or not there is a Mass. That which is cheap, trite musical cliché The bride and groom are the ones re- should not even be considered. Consulting ceiving the sacrament and they are also with the organist or music director of the the primary ministers of the celebration. church where the wedding is to be held will There are also many other ministers at help the couple avoid many mistakes and the wedding, each having a special role possible embarrassing situations. in the service. Care should be given that The music at weddings should serve those persons asked to be ministers during to emphasize the sacred event, not dis- the celebration have a clear understand- tract from it. Careful attention should be 6300 Main Street ing about what they are being asked to do paid to the lyrics, the words of the songs Zachary, LA 70791 • 658-4000 and that they are people of faith. The other that will be used at the wedding. All lyr- LaneRMC.org ministers include the witnesses, the ushers SEE SACRAMENT PAGE 11B September 5, 2012 WEDDING The Catholic Commentator 11B Marriage preparation is a click away

By Marylynn G. Hewitt segment and a certificate of completion is Catholic News Service generated at completion. Some of the vid- eos have been reworked since the fall 2009 DETROIT – Each year, increasing num- partnership with the Archdiocese of Chi- bers of couples meet online, stay in touch cago’s Family Ministries Office. online and plan their weddings online. Brooks, a Lutheran, said he depends on For the past few years, engaged couples the archdiocese to provide qualified speak- can also go through marriage preparation ers for each of the subjects. Catholic Mar- classes online. riage Preparation, Inc., has received an im- The ‘For Your Marriage’ section of the primatur from Msgr. John F. Canary, vicar U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops’ web- general of the Archdiocese of Chicago. site, usccb.org, lists two such sites: Online Brooks said he doesn’t have figures on Marriage Prep Class, catholicmarriagepre how many couples have taken the program pclass.com and Catholic Marriage Prepa- but he does know not all of the couples are ration Inc., catholicmarriageprep.com. separated by distance. He recalled one Each program covers the topics of the couple who completed the online program traditional marriage preparation classes, when snowstorms forced the cancellation as well as offering a few extra details de- of the Engaged Encounter weekend just pending on the circumstances. before their wedding. Couples should consult with the priest He added that he expects the number or deacon performing the ceremony prior of same-city couples to grow especially to using any program, online or tradition- with many dioceses consolidating church al, since in some cases there may be spe- parishes and smaller church parishes not cific recommendations. having the resources to offer a full mar- The online courses “very much help” riage program. couples where one is deployed and the Solving a need spurred the creation of online correspondence, which is offered with couples where one was raised Muslim. other is in the states, said Msgr. Thomas the program Online Marriage Prep Class. in English, Spanish and French. They also “Because it’s online we can reach people Olszyk, judicial vicar for the U.S. Archdio- Christian and Christine Meert were con- have married couples with military experi- from all over,” Meert said. “The good thing cese for the Military Services. ducting marriage preparation classes in ence working with engaged couples in the is that since it is one on one with instructor Couples can participate in either course Denver in 2004 when they were asked to military. Meert’s husband was Christian couples, it can stay very personal and very “together” through an Internet phone ser- help put together something for couples born in Morocco so they are able to work individual.” vice such as Skype or Google Talk, he said. living in the mountainous areas. Prior to the online offerings, couples would “We worked with them via email and have to write and mail letters to each other it worked very well,” said Christine Meert. to participate in marriage preparation. With the blessing of then-Denver Arch- Matt Brooks said the Catholic Marriage bishop Charles J. Chaput, they created the Preparation Inc. program was started online program and a parish janitor who “almost by mistake.” His St. Clair, Mich., built websites for a trucking company built company was working on delivering online their website. training for computer networking engi- The following year, the couple was hired neers throughout the world. Brooks’ buddy as co-directors of the Office of Marriage mentioned that “he didn’t have a real good and Family Life for the Diocese of Colo- experience” with the traditional marriage rado Springs, Colo., and Bishop Michael J. preparation and suggested that if Brooks Sheridan wrote to his brother bishops rec- could do an online training program for ommending the course. engineers, certainly he could do an online “It took off pretty fast,” Meert said of the program for engaged couples. program based on Pope John Paul II’s the- Brooks worked with the Office for Fam- ology of the body. Since 2004, more than ily Life at the Archdiocese of Detroit ini- 6,000 couples have participated in the pro- tially to make sure all of the “must-have gram, with 1,800 in the first 11 months of conversations” prescribed by the USCCB 2011. were included in the online video seg- Eight married couples work with the Back-Yard Picnics - Fine Dining ments, totaling five hours. Online Marriage Prep Class. Each engaged An online questionnaire follows each couple is paired with a mentor couple for • Weddings SACRAMENT: Resources available to select readings • Tailgate parties on site FROM PAGE 10B Some churches require adherence to boudin balls, meat pies, chicken fingers, ics sung at the wedding ought to be read- parochial guidelines for wedding music ily identifiable as prayer. If it is not, then in the hope that the suggestions con- and sandwich trays they are out of place in a liturgical context. tained there will offer even more help in Music at a particular wedding must planning the celebration of the wedding. • Any catering needs! bejudged on how well it will enable There are several books available that the particular group of people pres- contain readings from Sacred Scripture ent at this wedding to express their that would be appropriate in planning faith. When choosing hymns, do not for a wedding. These books also contain 225-769-8171 • 225-761-8404 for full party tray menu overlook religious songs of ethnic ori- relevant commentaries on the Scripture [email protected] gin. These are very helpful in reflecting passages to assist the couple in choosing 13434 Perkins Road, Baton Rouge, LA (near Siegen Ln.) the couple’s background and in involv- the readings and the Gospel that would ing their friends, relatives and family. be appropriate for their wedding. 12B The Catholic Commentator WEDDING September 5, 2012 Marriage preparation programs offered by the Diocese of Baton Rouge

Contact your parish priest couple participate in one of these on one another, free of the ten- appropriate? Engaged couples org/marriagepreparation early in your engagement so that programs during the first months sions and interruptions of the marrying in the church he may assist you in preparing for of their engagement in order to world. It provides for engaged Time: Friday at 7:30 p.m. the sacrament of matrimony and get the greatest benefit from it. couples to dialogue honestly and until Sunday at 4:00 p.m. Natural Family recommend appropriate mar- intensively about their prospec- Place: Bishop Robert E. Planning riage preparation programs of- tive lives together, including their Tracy Overnight Retreat Center fered through the Diocese of Ba- Engaged Encounter attitudes about money, sex, chil- and various other locations What is it? Natural family ton Rouge. Church parishes have What is it? A weekend with dren and their role in the church Cost: $210 per couple planning is a way to postpone or all the forms necessary for these an atmosphere that allows each and society. Number of participants: achieve pregnancy by observing programs. It is suggested that a couple to concentrate exclusively For whom is program 25-32 couples the changes in a woman’s body Dates: 2012: Sept. 28-30; that naturally indicate her time Nov. 9-11; 2013: Jan. 25-27; Mar. of fertility and using the informa- Second Year! 1-3; Apr. 12-14; June 21-23; Aug. tion accordingly. 16-18; Sept. 20-22; Nov. 8-10 For whom is program Contact: Engaged Encoun- appropriate? All engaged or ter at 225-337-2214 or get more married couples information at ceebr.org Time and Place: Varies within the diocese; call the Dioc- esan Marriage and Family Life Life Choice Department, 225-242-0164 What is it? A one-day work- Cost: varies shop similar in content to the En- Number of Participants: Our Lady of the Lake gaged Encounter weekend. The Individual or group Life Choice (Pre-Cana) experi- Contact: Danielle Van Haute, ence combines talks and work- Diocesan Marriage and Family shops without the overnight stay. Life Department, 225-242-0164; Couples have an opportunity to or register at mfldiobr.org/natu- work on their relationship and ral-family-planning explore various topics, including TOP RANKED communication, finances, natu- ral family planning, sacrament, Remarriage Program morality and sexuality. What is it? A program for Hospital in Baton Rouge For whom is program engaged couples who have been appropriate? Engaged couples married before and are in a po- marrying for the first time sition to marry in the church. Time: Saturday 9 a.m. to Couples meet with a mentor cou- 4:30 p.m. ple to discuss communication, According to U.S. News and World Report, Place: Catholic Life Center, friendship, former spouses, step- Our Lady of the Lake has been ranked a ‘high- 1800 S. Acadian Thruway, Baton families, family background, Rouge step-parenting, conflict, money performer’ for the second consecutive year — Cost: $95 per couple management, sexual love and capable of giving patients first-rate care, Number of participants: sacramental marriage. even if they have serious conditions or need About 35-40 couples (Register For whom is program early as weekends fill quickly.) appropriate? Previously mar- demanding procedures. Dates: 2012: Sept. 15; Oct. ried couples able to marry in the 13; Nov. 17; 2013: Jan. 12; Feb. church Also for the second year, Dr. Moises Arriaga 16; Mar. 23; Apr. 20; May 18; Time: Varies June 22; Aug. 10; Sept. 14; Oct. Place: Sponsor couple’s home and Dr. Daniel Nuss with Our Lady of the Lake 19; Nov. 16. Visit the website at Cost: $60 per couple Physician Group are ranked among the top 1% diobr.org/documents Number of participants: of ear, nose and throat doctors in the nation. Contact: Shannon Baldridge, Varies Diocesan Marriage and Family Contact: Shannon Baldridge, In addition, the Lake is listed as high-performing Life Department, 225-242-0164 Diocesan Marriage and Family in the orthopedics specialty. or register online at mfldiobr. Life Department, 225-242-0323 Make sure the Lake is part of your health plan. More marriage tips • Our culture is often obsessed with newness. If it’s new, it’s bet- ter. Sometimes the old, the tried, and trusted is better. Over the years spouses develop a comfort with each other’s idiosyncrasies. What crazy things do you love about your spouse? • Spouses make a choice to marry. Children don’t have a choice to be born. Give your children choices whenever practical. It helps ololrmc.com them develop decision making skills. Just make sure you only Franciscan Missionaries of Our Lady Health System give your child a choice that you’re willing to live with as a parent. • Be careful how you express your most dearly held values to your children. Sometimes parents impose them rigidly and in an extreme way. Yes, share your faith, values, love of sports, music… but listen to what’s in their hearts too.