In addition, many societies attach stigma or Coming Out: An Overview prejudice to people who break these social norms. Transphobia, homophobia, biphobia and Sexuality, Sexual Identity or Sexual other prejudices against LGBTQ+ people are Orientation refer to an individual’s sense of who often learned by many people, including those they may be romantically or sexually attracted that may be considering coming out. to or desire. Challenging these ideas is often the first step in Gender identity refers to an individual’s sense of coming out to yourself. The coming out process what their gender is in terms of masculinity, often involves many such challenges, and femininity, something in between or outside of a typically centers on questioning or exploring Coming gender binary altogether. one’s relationship to sexuality, gender identity and sexual/gender expression. Who do I want Expression refers to an individual’s way of to date? What gender(s) am I? How do I want to dressing, appearing and behaving in the world. look? These are normal questions people often Some people express their sexuality and gender ask themselves during the process of coming out. identity through these ways, while others do not. One safe way of beginning to come out to Coming out is a process of making public an Out yourself is through reading about how others individual’s identit(ies) that may not conform to have dealt with similar experiences and feelings societal norms of sexuality or gender. These – the internet can be a good place to start. identities may include lesbian, gay, bisexual, Seeing a therapist or medical professional can transgender, queer (LGBTQ) or any other sexual also be helpful in helping you grapple with these and/or gender identities that an individual finds important questions. important to express publicly. Coming Out to Yourself Coming Out to Others The choice of whether or not to come out to other Many people are taught growing up that they people is an intensely personal one, and is often are a boy or a girl (a man or a woman), that not a clear decision for every person. Some there are no other options, and that gender can people become aware of their sexual or gender never change. Many people are also taught identities at an earlier age; some may come to growing up that not only must they desire that realization much later. Some people come romance and sex, but also that they must be out publicly as soon as they become aware of sexually and romantically attracted to people of their identities, while other people come out to the other binary gender: women can only desire only some people and still others may never men, and men can only desire women. come out at all.

Version I December 2016 Many people find that coming out reduces their anxiety around hiding parts of their identity, Finding Community Resources: allows them to live more freely and honestly and helps them find community in other LGBTQ+ Whether or not you choose to come out, many Weiland Health Initiative (brochure author) people. However, coming out often comes with people find it helpful to find a supportive https://weiland.stanford.edu/ the risk of rejection, exclusion, prejudice or community of other people with similar feelings discrimination. Depending on an individual’s or experiences. Local support groups and [email protected] different communities, relationships, employers community centers are good places to meet LGBT Community Resource Center and family situations, they may choose to be people face-to-face who can support you no strategic about who they come out to and to matter where you are in your coming out process. https://lgbt.stanford.edu/ what that coming out looks like. Online communities, forums and blogs are a great place to find communities of LGBTQ+ Counseling & Psychological Services people and allies who can support you in the (CAPS) Coming Out Strategies ways you need, and many can be accessed while https://vaden.stanford.edu/caps-and- maintaining anonymity. wellness It’s often a good idea to have plans or strategies for coming out to a certain person or community, Office for Religious Life but those plans or strategies will be different for Some Terms & Identities https://religiouslife.stanford.edu every person. Sometimes coming out looks like sitting down for a formal discussion, while other  Lesbian: A woman who experiences Diversity and First-Gen Office times it may look like casually revealing the sexual and/or romantic attraction https://diversityandfirstgen.stanford.edu/ towards other women, femmes or information without much formality. feminine people. Knowing the person or community you will be  Gay: Someone who experiences same gender sexual or romantic attraction. coming out to is also a good idea. Have they Bisexual: Someone who experiences condemned LGBTQ+ people in the past? How  sexual and/or romantic attraction to two much do they know about LGBTQ+ people in or more genders. general? Anticipating the answers to these  Asexual: Someone who experiences questions can help you decide how to best come little to no sexual and/or romantic out. Coming out is a process – it often takes time attraction. for all parties to come to a mutual understanding  Queer: Someone who doesn’t conform to with each other. It’s important as you go through norms of sexuality or gender; often a this process to try and find a balance between political identity. taking care of your emotional needs and being  Trans: An umbrella term for someone empathic towards the people you are coming out whose current gender is not the gender to. they were assigned at birth.  Nonbinary: Someone whose gender is neither man/male nor woman/female.