1 FRIDAY 25 OCT NaNoWriMo Pokémon X & Y What is National Novel In-depth review of the new Pokémon games Writing Month? 28-9 11

“Keep the Cat Free”

25/10/13 Issue 1557 felixonline.co.uk

Imperial THIS ISSUE... names first Kelly-vision Regius Christy Kelly’s Professor opinions live on air in the Comment Nida Mahmud section 9 News Editor

mperial conferred its fi rst Regius Professorship on Professor Chris Toumazou on Commemoration day for undergraduate students SCIENCE on 23 October. IImperial received the title of Regius Professor of Engineering in January during the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations; which was received for the work undertaken by Imperial’s IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON faculty of Engineering and the Every year the graduation ceremony is held on Commemoration Day in the Great Hall. technological breakthroughs it has achieved. Examples of breakthroughs range from the development of and future potential, as so many magnetic levitation to the invention of gifted students from all disciplines “Th e Regius Professorship recognises holography. mark their transition into their future the world-class quality and impact of This week, sleep Imperial conferred the recognition careers. When I think about what Engineering at Imperial College and on Professor Toumazou. He is an lies ahead in my research fi eld it’s Chris Toumazou is a very worthy fi rst science 7 internationally renowned engineer; incredibly exciting to be reminded of recipient of this prestigious title.” his achievements include the fi rst all of that talent and to consider what cochlear implants that allow deaf contributions today’s graduates will Sir Keith O’Nions, Imperial’s people to hear. make to shape the future of science President and Rector congratulated Professor Toumazou said: “Receiving and engineering and medicine.” the new students and said: FEATURES the very fi rst Regius Professorship Th e Dean of the Faculty of at Imperial is an incredible honour. engineering, Jeff Magee said, “I am “Your talents and educational Th e award acknowledges so many delighted we are able to honour experience mean you are well set to historic contributions to the fi eld of Chris in this way. As a pioneer in the tackle head on the big challenges in our Engineering by Imperial researchers fi eld of biomedical engineering, his increasingly complex world. over many years. In particular the achievements are extensive. Alongside fi eld of circuits and systems where becoming Imperial’s youngest ever It is often said that Imperial’s engineering solutions to medical professor at 33, he has published over reputation is built by its alumni – they problems has now become a core 750 research papers and holds more are our greatest ambassadors. I have area of research. Having it conferred than 50 patents, with inventions to his no doubt that the accomplishments on me during Commemoration name that have transformed medical of this year’s graduating students will Imperial Chess Club Day, in front of my family and treatments and had a profound eff ect be at least as great as those who have thousands of graduates, makes it on people’s lives. preceded you and wish you the very Congress 2013 4 all the more special. Today is a day best for the future”. which celebrates both achievement continued on pageIMPERIAL 3... COLLEGE LONDON 2 FRIDAY 25 OCT EDITOR’S PICKS

TELEVISON SPORT PUZZLES Scary TV This week Puzzing times Five suggestions for TVthemed Imperial vs Imperial Medics - Our puzzles are still going Halloween Costumes. Rugby edition strong! There’s still time to join the FUCWIT league!

COMMENT SABB HOT DESK Editorial SoAnother you think Confesstions you could of be a a betterGraduate GTA? Teaching Th ink again!Assistant. Like Thriding is week a bicycle we learn it’s not that as not easy all One of Union Presidentʼs election Whereʼs solutionsas it looks! are soluble... manifesto points, the weekly the Editorial

TeachKelly-vision! First! Sabb Hot Desk has is returning, gone? You DoWe’ve you unleashed want to change Christy live Kelly andonto make the world! society Read better? page 9 to new and improved! seem upset! fi nd out more! The aim of the “Hot Desk” is to Never fear, give the students a chance to itʼs moved to talk directly to the Sabbs to give the Comment Erratum feedback, ask questions and section, head Last week Felix reff ered the the current Union President David Goldsmith as resolve issues. to page 10 Paul Beaumont. We would like to apologise to both parties for this mistake. This weekʼs Sabbs are the to see some Want to help us copy edit? Email [email protected] Deputy President of Clubs and opinions and Societies and the Felix Editor. read some LOLCAT OF TEH WEEK: More from teh Lolcat editor Go and say hi in the Sherfi eld letters! Foyer today between 12-13:00. Bon Voyage!

Happy Halloween Happy Holla-ween! Next Thursday is Halloween in case you havenʼt realised! If youʼre to mature to trick-or-treat in the local area and have managed to escape the Library, why not go to the latest Imperial Fringe event held in the main entrance from 17-20:00? Conveniently the Unionʼs Halloween Party starts at 19:00, looks like youʼre already sorted.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. THIS BROUGHT Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2013.

WEEK WASTO YOUBY

Editor-in-Chief Joe Letts News Editors Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud Features Editors VACANT Business Editor James Tsim Science Editors Philippa Skett, Keir Little, Fiona Hartley Politics Editor Kartikeya Rana Food Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Michael Chung Comment Editors Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey Arts Editor Arianna Sorba Books Editors Maciej Matuszewski, Eva Rosenthal Music Editors Simon Hunter, Riaz Agahi, Stuart Masson, William Stocker Television Editors John Park, Emily Fulham Film Editor John Park Games Editors Maximilian Eggl, Calum Skene, Imran Rashid Technology Editors Maximilian Eggl, Yong Wen Chua, Osama Arawa Travel Editor Chris Richardson Sports Editors VACANT Online Editors Philip Kent, Annina Sartor, Stephen Ball Puzzles Commanders Kingshuk Dasadhikari, Oliver Price Copy Chieflets Annina Sartor, Stephen Ball Copy Editors Alexandra Hamilton, Carol Ann Cheah, Thomas Heaven FRIDAY 25 OCT 3

Editors: Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud [email protected] NEWS

Badly dressed Imperial ranked 5th in Student News intruder QS university rankings escorted from Imperial College Tizard hall

Aemun Reza

News Editor

mysterious stranger was caught wandering Tizard last Sunday. Th e FELIX man was described as tall with dark skin and of the univeristies are British; the badlyA dressed. He was wearing a red other universities are the University jacket and was noted to be carrying a Nida Mahmud of Edinburugh and King’s College Researchers have demonstrated how to produce electronic inks for the Bible and had an American accent. News Editor London. Switzerland has one and development of new applications using the ‘wonder material’, carbon Th e intruder was escorted from Canada has two in the top 20, the nanotubes. the premises by hall security and the remaining eleven are all American. Tizard warden. Th ere has been no It was also found that students that Working with an industrial partner, Linde Electronics, they have produced an further information about who the n September the annual QS graduate from Oxford and Cambridge electrically-conductive carbon nanotube ink, which coats carbon nanotubes man was and his purpose in entering university rankings were are considered the most employable in onto ultra-thin sheets of transparent fi lm that are used to manufacture fl at- the halls. released, Imperial College the world. screen televisions and computer screens. Th e Falmouth and Keogh Hall London ranked 5th place. Ben Sowter, QS head of research, SOURCE: DR LING GE , SIMON LEVEY AND MARTIN SAYERS/IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON wardens are re-emphasising the Massachusetts Institute of states that “the brand-name value importance of stopping people from ITechnology topped the table for the of Oxbridge has so far survived any tailgating, a very common occurrence second year running, achieving a QS negative publicity following the tuition Student attacked in halls. Th ey have said that residents score of 100. Harvard took 2nd place, fee hikes and student protests”. should never let anyone they do not Cambridge was ranked 3rd, University With the recent Careers Fairs we’ve know into the building. If residents College London was 4th and Imperial been having and the ever present come across someone who refuses to was 5th. marquees hopefully this will give some swipe in or does not have an ID card Th erefore, from the top fi ve rankings of you a boost in your step as your than that person would be reported. in the world, three of the universities approach graduate recruiters, they Th ey have also reiterated that are British. Within the top 20, six defi ntiely want you! - Ed. swiping into both the hall itself and the main entrance is very important for security records. Th is is so they Sponsored Editorial can keep a record of who is going in and out of the halls and is useful for SOURCE: HUFFINGTON POST if someone cannot be located for a Student Discounts At Police have released shocking footage of a US student being number of days. attacked by a gang of Asians because he was “clearly not a local”. It’s especially prudent to pay Th e CCTV clearly shows fi ve Asian men set upon 22-year-old attention to security risks at the start Fresh Hairdressers Francesco Hounye, who had only arrived in the UK three days of term - Ed. earlier. After smashing a bottle into his face, they chased after 70m from South Kensington tube him and continued their assault - kicking and punching him. Th e attack happened at 12.40am on Commercial Road, East London, General advice to after Hounye was returning from a night out in Brick Lane on 17 June. stay safe SOURCE: HUFFINGTON POST 1. Make sure the front doors close behind you. Student Loans Protest 2. Do not let anyone tailgate Men’s cuts £22 (normally £35) you into the building. If they say All over clipper cuts from £10 they are a student you can ask Women’s cut and rough dry £28 them to swipe their card too (a Women’s cut and salon fi nish green light will show on the card blow-dry £38 (normally £55) reader even if you have already Highlights from only £40 opened the door). 3. Ask guests to wait outside Sorry CASH only! and phone the student they are visiting. FRESH hairdressers are off ering the 4. If you feel intimidated best haircuts, prices and service in Appointments available Tuesday to into letting someone into halls South Kensington. Saturdays 9.30 to 6.30 SOURCE: OSCAR WEBB call security or the duty warden Student protestors in London and Birmingham targeted Liberal immediately. Please call 0207 823 8968 to We are only 70 metres from South Democrat offi ces “in opposition to student debt sell off ” last Friday. 5. Always make sure your book an appointment and ask for a Kensington station at 15a Harrington Th e actions were against what NCAFC (National Campaign Against room door closes properly student discount. Please bring your road, South Kensington, SW7 3ES Fees and Cuts) said in a statement would be a “vast and retroactive behind you. student ID we look forward to seeing 0207 823 8968. stealth hike in tuition fees” following the coalition government’s 6. If you see anything you. planned sell off of the student loan book over the next decade. suspicious then call security or We use the best styling products Check out our website: SOURCE: OSCAR WEBB/LONDON STUDENT the duty warden. from Wella, Moroccan Oil, L’Oreal. www.freshhairdressers.co.uk

SOURCE: 4 FRIDAY 25 OCT

Editors: VACANT FEATURES [email protected] Imperial College Chess Congress

turning up in advance, arriving at the Hjort, assuring that the pecking order John Sargent Union representing clubs from all in the top section would not necessarily IC Chess Congress Organiser over England and in a few cases from dictate the weekend’s results. Another mainland Europe as well! one of the top seeds Patryk Stanisz Th ere was something else at stake of Poland was defeated by England’s mperial College has had a long for the top English (or resident) players Stephen Prior to turn any semblance of tradition of hosting prestigious in the Open section as well, as the expected top results on its head. chess events in London, starting highest ranked player at the end of the Saturday saw a quieter day with several decades ago with the weekend not already qualifi ed would mixed fortunes for the higher rated Kensington Congress – this fell be eligible for a place in the British opponents in the other Major and Stephen Prior (rated 300 FIDE points JOHN SARGENT Iby the wayside somewhat in the early Chess Championships in 2014. Minor sections – generally the higher his junior) was leading the tournament Miguel was held to a draw by a resolute 2000’s but was revived by Imperial Th e fi rst round on Friday night rated players had a good day in the with a perfect score but having to fend Steven Jones to fi nish half a point College alumnus John Sargent in proved to be particularly entertaining Major to fi nish Round 3 roughly in off some stiff challenges in the fi nal behind the leaders in an incredibly 2011 with the help of IC Chess Club’s towards the end of the evening as the the top quarter of the draw, but the rounds. Peru’s Frank Lozano in the tense fi nish. Th e Minor was next for the committee and the English Chess concert downstairs in Metric gave Minor saw a lot of exciting, fi ghting mean time was half a point clear of the top positions to be settled, with David Federation. the remaining concentrating players games allowing some of the lower rated fi eld in the Major, and David Gilbert Gilbert fi nishing on an imperious 4.5 Now in its third edition, on a a complimentary massage thanks players to prove themselves. By the end found himself in the same position in with Phil Foley and a strong showing cool October afternoon a group of to the bass causing more or less the of Saturday evening, England’s David the Minor. by Rob Hewitt half a point behind. enthusiastic normally-players set entire building to vibrate! Players were Gilbert was leading the standings here Only half a point behind going into Finally, the Major section was won by aside some hours to turn the Union forewarned and luckily the eff ects with two players under 120 ECF grade the fi nal round, the top board Isaac Mateusz Dydak who won his last game Dining Hall into a serious tournament. weren’t too detrimental – although also in the top fi ve – Cledwyn Davies of Craft and Stephen Prior (both ENG) to stay half a point clear of the fi eld – all Having done this twice before things we’re not sure how many fi nished Wales and Southampton University’s drew, guaranteeing them a share of fi rst three of the 2nd= players won their last went extremely smoothly for the start their games to go dancing downstairs Rob Hewitt. place but with the possibility of being round as well, chasing him all the way. of the congress, which is just as well afterwards. After a brief emergency (well, caught for a share of the spoils. We Th ank you very much to Adam because entries were so successful that Top seed in the Open section Miguel running out of sugar for coff ee/tea) on thought we might have received an 80- Raoof (our esteemed FIDE arbiter), the congress was full to capacity well Navarro-Cia, who is a Research Fellow Sunday morning, the stage was set for move epic – turns out 75 of those were the Imperial College Chess Club, the in advance of the event taking place. at Imperial College in addition to a an interesting fi nish. Top seed Navarro- to be played over a blitz board outside Union and all the players for making By fi ve o’clock, the room was ready chess FIDE Master, was dramatically Cia would have to fi nd a way to battle the playing hall. the event incredibly enjoyable and and already the fi rst few players were held to a draw by Denmark’s Helge back from a full point down while Despite his best eff orts, however, memorable. From Trash to Treasure, via Synthetic Biology (iGEM)

tech recycling facilities into a plastic to design and make a system using issues associated with incineration Iain Bower made inside living cells. Hundreds the principles of Synthetic Biology and petrochemical plastics. After the Imperial iGEM of thousands of tonnes of this waste, (Syn Bio). Th is is the application bioplastic has been used it will be fed called Solid Recovered Fuel (SRF) are of engineering principles such as into our recycling system, to ensure it shipped to Europe to be incinerated specifi cations, modularisation and itself is not wasted. mperial’s iGEM (international every year. Now you may think ah, computer modeling to biology. Last iGEM is not just about the science. It Genetically Engineered Machine) fuel, that is a good thing, right? Well, weekend all the teams from Europe, is also a hotbed of creativity where the team have just fl own back from I am sorry to say this but, ugh-urgh, 60 in total, met to celebrate their hard teams are encouraged to think about Lyon, fi nishing in the top three incorrect. work at the regional jamboree. Th ere how their projects will impact on the in Europe in the international No 1- it pollutes the environment were some really incredible projects world. Th is is all towards the goal ISynthetic Biology competition and and some studies have linked and we were lucky enough to place in of responsible innovation; ensuring progressing to the next round at MIT increased levels of cancer to nearby the top three, earning a place in the that the technologies are causing in Boston. incinerators. fi nal at MIT, starting 1st November. more good than harm. Our system is We all know Imperial is good at No 2- it does not make economic We have engineered E.coli to designed to work at an industrial scale Engineering. What you may not know sense, with millions of pounds per produce the bioplastic poly-3- but we have also looked at how our is that they can even engineer living annum spent on disposal by each hydroxybutyrate (PHB) inside world might look in the future, when things. It may sound crazy but that is recycling plant. themselves when using this waste as waste is seen as a precious resource. what the people here at the Centre for No.3- it is a downright waste of their only energy source. PHB is pretty We have designed a concept home Synthetic Biology and Innovation are resources. amazing. Not only can it be used bioreactor linked to a 3D printer, doing. Whether sitting all quiescent One third of the SRF is made of as an alternative to petrochemical directly turning your waste into brand or quaking visibly (the latter being plastics and the rest is paper, wood plastics, it can form tissue scaff olds new objects. Maybe in the future you the iGEM team), ideas pop into their and fi bres. What if you could do which are broken down as the won’t have to take the bin bag out, but heads about what they would like something better with this? What body heals and even be 3D printed. instead you will be able to print some living things to do, then they set about if you could turn it into a viable Importantly, it can breakdown in the new shoes! it. Th is is exactly what it is all about: alternative to petrochemical plastics environment, albeit slowly, into non- can biology be used in those delicate which are causing so much pollution toxic compounds. One of the biggest and complicated situations where and at the same time recycle the issues stopping these plastics playing You can fi nd out more about our traditional engineering is failing us, in plastics already in there? Well, this is a more important role in our lives project here: IMPERIAL IGEM waste management for example? what we have been working on. is their cost, which is largely due to 2013.igem.org/Team:Imperial_College MAPLE – future waste recycler linked Th is is the focus of Team Plasticity’s We did this as part of the iGEM their production from plant biomass. and more about the best from each to a 3D printer project; turning a mixed waste competition which challenges over Our system aims to lower this price region here: which is actually the result of high 200 teams from around the world and deal with the environmental 2013.igem.org/Jamborees FRIDAY 25 OCT 5

@feliximperial FelixImperial FEATURES IPCC Climate Report 2013: An Ultimate Warning? Part 1 of a 3 part feature brought to you by the London Climate Forum 2013

decade since 1850. In the Northern from net land use change emissions. natural variability, trends based on more appealing to corporate interests Shiladitya Ghosh Hemisphere, 1983–2012 was likely Th e ocean has absorbed about 30% short term records are very sensitive (and therefore, to politicians and LCF Organising Committee the warmest 30-year period of the last of the emitted anthropogenic carbon to the beginning and end dates and skeptics alike) to invest in adapting 1400 years. dioxide, causing ocean acidifi cation. do not, in general, refl ect long term our lifestyles to warmer temperatures trends.” Th is, backed up by the above rather than trying to actually bring * Ocean warming dominates the * Global surface temperature change facts, could well be indicative of the temperature down. increase in energy stored in the for the end of the 21st century is a very real warning regarding our What’s certain is that all of us impact he Intergovernmental Panel climate system, accounting for more likely to exceed 1.5°C relative to impacts on the Earth’s climate. the climate to some extent, whether for Climate Change (IPCC) than 90% of the energy accumulated 1850 to 1900. Warming will continue So the science has been made negligible or not. If you believe we are released merely one part between 1971 and 2010. beyond 2100. Warming will continue clear, but what’s stopping people the dominant cause, how can you go of its six-yearly report last to exhibit interannual-to-decadal or even governments from taking about convincing others of this and month, and alarm bells * Over the last two decades, the variability and will not be regionally combative action? One major factor what do you think can be feasibly Thave begun ringing across the world: Greenland and Antarctic ice sheets uniform. is the reluctance to take a personal, done to address this? If you believe apparently, it is 95% certain humans have been losing mass, glaciers have conscious stake in moulding the our role is arbitrary, how would you have been the largest contributing continued to shrink almost worldwide, Such dire forecasts backed by climate at the cost of short- and challenge the IPCC report and the factor to global warming since the and Arctic sea ice and Northern mathematical certainty come as a long-term personal comforts, or adverse impacts on human life that 1950’s. Hemisphere spring snow cover have respite for climate change believers even at the cost of a political party are already beginning to manifest A general overview of the key facts continued to decrease in extent. who in recent years had been losing popularity. Another common themselves (e.g. more severe natural and fi gures is a must for digesting challenged to explain why global sentiment is that any human eff orts disasters?) To be continued… what this report actually says: * Th e rate of sea level rise since the warming rates had been gradually to reverse the anthropogenic impacts Want to hear more in-depth mid-19th century has been larger than declining in the last decade. Now, would be futile, so there’s no point discussions of the IPCC report from * Warming of the climate system is the mean rate during the previous two their response is to say that “due to expending resources to even try to distinguished personalities such unequivocal, and since the 1950s, millennia (high confi dence). Over the do so. as John Vidal, Professor Sir Brian many of the observed changes are period 1901–2010, global mean sea “Thereʼs no happy All these hard statistics indicate Hoskins, and Dr Chris Brierly? Come unprecedented over decades to level rose by 0.19m [0.17m to 0.21m]. ending where we that the tide is turning against along to the London Climate Forum millennia. Th e atmosphere and ocean prevent climate change climate change skeptics in terms of at Imperial College London on 9th have warmed, the amounts of snow * Th e atmospheric concentrations of any more. Now the factual evidence. But has it made November for a panel discussion and ice have diminished, sea level carbon dioxide (CO2), methane, and question is, is it going to a diff erence in terms of motivating on this subject and a host of other has risen, and the concentrations of nitrous oxide have increased to levels be a miserable century them? As inquired by Th e American exciting talks and exhibitions. Early- greenhouse gases have increased. unprecedented in at least the last or an impossible one, Th inker, why should we try to prevent bird tickets are just £7 for students!

800,000 years. CO2 concentrations and what comes after the climate from changing, if it was * Each of the last three decades has have increased by 40% since pre- that.” even caused by us to begin with? been successively warmer at the industrial times, primarily from Bill McKibben, The New York Change is the only constant in nature Visit londonclimateforum.org for Earth’s surface than any preceding fossil fuel emissions and secondarily Times, Dec. 5, 2010 and it could be less complicated and more details. 6 FRIDAY 25 OCT

Editors: Philippa Skett, Keir Little, Fiona Hartley SCIENCE [email protected]

Fiona’s science corner Scientists go back to work

Fiona Hartley Science Editor Jamie Rickman on the impact of the US shutdown

he 16 day US government Happy Felix Friday everybody. Th e week is nearly over and the weekend shut-down ended last looms. My favourite weekend activity is of course catching up on all of the week with an uneasy truce. sleep that I feel like I missed over the week, so today’s page about slumber Obama’s refusal to accept was particularly interesting for me to put together. I’m disappointed to the House Republican’s fi nd that cheese keeps you awake rather than merely causing you to have Tcondition of delaying Obamacare led vivid dreams though, since I’m partial to a slice or four of cheese on toast to the closure of many federal science as a midnight snack. institutions, painfully elucidating the instability of government funded But before we get distracted by the fascinating question of whether science in America. eating Cheddar before bed makes you have nightmares, and the self- Th e full eff ects of the shutdown on experimentation that is bound to follow, let me talk about the waking the scientifi c community will perhaps world. It must have seemed like a very bad dream to the US researchers never be known. Th e tangential who were unable to continue their work throughout the duration of the investigations and light-bulb Amundsen-Scott south pole station, now under “caretaker status” ETHAN GOOD US government shutdown. Fortunately they are now able to get back into moments of inspiration that bring their labs and begin the arduous process of getting back to normal, but for break-throughs require momentum, missed a crucial research window; it’ll that her biggest frustration was that many the consequences of those empty days won’t be apparent until later. and that has been lost. Overcoming have to wait another year. she would rather have gone to work the inertia post shut-down will be Scientifi c research is never immune without pay and continue research In more local news, citizen science is back in the spotlight, because the a long and diffi cult process. But the to ill circumstance; faulty equipment than let her mice die. During the conclusions from the BBC’s Stress Test have been released. You might immediate impacts are obvious. Basic and bad conditions can similarly 1995 shutdown this was allowed, remember having taken the online test back in 2011. Th e BBC surveyed lab operations in cancer research and disrupt progress, so one should while last week it was illegal to check over thirty thousand individuals with the test, and Professor Peter HIV were stopped and clinical trials perhaps be wary of sensationalising work emails let alone enter a lab. Th is Kinderman from the University of Liverpool published the fi ndings from could not be initiated. Th e National the lasting eff ects of this moratorium. strange and obtuse piece of legislation the data collected in PLOS One (doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0076564). Institute of Health (NIH) were forced But there is something deeply not only expresses a fl agrant to turn away around 200 patients a unsettling in the balance of power disregard for the value of science but It doesn’t come as a surprise to me that brooding is such a huge predictor week awaiting treatment, roughly 30 between scientists in the US and the a fundamental misunderstanding of common mental health issues suff ered by the British public, such as of whom were children. For those with government who sign their checks. of the way it operates. When it did anxiety and depression. My own experiences certainly compel me to degenerative illnesses this delay could 75% of NIH employers were enter the debate in Congress, the only agree. And it turns out that rumination – thinking too much – can be cause irreparable damage. Specially sent home, or furloughed, with no arguments that stood ground against even more harmful than blaming oneself for negative events that happen bred lab mice at the NIH needing guarantee of back pay. A source the tide of republican indiff erence in life. constant monitoring have died; these inside the NIH, warned against reduced science to a political asset; unique strains will be expensive and speaking to the press, lamented the the lost time could mean the US Dr Ellie Pontin, a clinical psychologist also involved in the study, believes time-consuming to restart. NASA demoralisation this caused in her lab losing its competitive edge over there is a good message to be taken home from the results. Knowing could not undertake vital checks on for those deemed ‘inessential’. For the China for example. In this landscape that your problems are not just down to factors you can’t alter is quite a the new James Webb Space Telescope majority of workers on low pay and of brinkmanship politics more hopeful thought. Yes, it’s hard to change or be told that you should change which is set to replace Hubble, some 10-12 hour days this kind of fi nancial shut-downs are expected, and the for your own benefi t, but at least you’re not doomed. It’s the message I’ll of which may never be completed insecurity and lack of recognition is damaging eff ects will be cumulative. be musing on if I fi nd myself thinking unhealthily. before launch. An environmental untenable, forcing them to consider Some would say the future of federally programme in the Antarctic has fi nding work elsewhere. She explained funded science in the US looks bleak. Most distant gravitational lens yet discovered

James Bezer Science Writer

he most distant example of a gravitational lens has been discovered by scientists in Germany. Th e large galaxy, 9.4 billion light years away Tfrom us, focuses light towards the earth, like a sort of cosmic telescope, enabling us to detect another smaller, more distant galaxy that would normally be too dim for us to pick NASA / ESA / A. VAN DER WEL. The Large Binocular Telescope, one of the worldʼs most advanced, saw fi rst light in 2005 STEFAN SEIP (TWAN) up. But the unexpected discovery of this smaller galaxy has puzzled the path to be bent, or lensed, and focused light years further away than the light from an even more distant should, therefore, be extremely rare. astronomers behind the research, onto a narrow path. Measurements of most distant one previously known. galaxy forming a full circle, called an Yet this is the second discovery in at the Max Planck Institute for the extent of this lensing can be used Th rough careful measurements, they Einstein ring, around the nearer one recent years. It is as yet unknown Astronomy in Heidelberg. to estimate the object’s mass, as the have estimated its mass at 8 x 1010 that caused the lensing. Th is is a sign as to whether this is due to chance, Gravitational lenses are a heavier it is, the greater the eff ect it times the mass of our sun. Th is is an of very precise alignment between the or if these galaxies are actually more phenomenon predicted by Albert will have on nearby spacetime. important fi nding, as it enables them two galaxies and the earth, which is common than our current theories Einstein’s general theory of relativity, Using data from the Large Binocular to verify the more usual techniques very unusual. Th e more distant dwarf would suggest. According to Arjen which describes the way massive Telescope in Arizona, and the Hubble used to weigh very distant galaxies, galaxy, just a few tens of millions of van de Wel, head of the group, these objects change the shape of space and space telescope, the astronomers at which are based on extrapolations years old, and around 108 times the surprising observations “have the time. When diff use light from a far the Max Planck Institute have broken from nearer examples that we know mass of the sun, is a type that’s thought potential to start a new chapter in our away galaxy passes close to a large a 30 year record by discovering a more about. to be very rare. Such a perfect example description of galaxy evolution in the object, this curved spacetime causes its gravitational lens more than a billion Th e images from Hubble showed of gravitational lensing involving one early universe.” FRIDAY 25 OCT 7

@feliximperial

FelixImperial SCIENCE Can’t sleep? It’s not me, it’s you Amrita Ghosh and Arya Mehta explore solutions to sleep deprivation riend 1: Isn’t it really diffi cult In this state, a part of the brain called for you to get the books from the thalamus prevents information the top shelves in the library? fl ow from our senses to the rest of the Friend 2: Well I can’t do brain. However, this system can’t fi lter much about that, I’ll always out noises. Fbe vertically challenged... because my Possible Solution: try to block out mum’s short. the noise as best as you can by keeping doors and windows closed. If this Overhearing a conversation doesn’t remove all the noise, then amongst some freshers in JCR, similar plug your headphones in and hear the to the one above, got us thinking sound of waves or rain. Th is will do about ourselves. Well it got us wonders (speaking from experience)! thinking about not only of how much of a pair of eavesdroppers we are, but how casually we blame our ‘genes’ Light and Dark for pretty much any undesirable It is part of human nature to sleep characteristics we have. But can we when it is dark and to stay awake when really blame everything about us on it is light. Light exposure stimulates our parents? a nerve pathway from the retina to Sleep deprivation is a common the brain, keeping your brain active. problem in many young people. But do So it is advisable to stop pulling off SWEET BRIAR VOICE we inherit that from our parents too? so many all nighters as you’ll end up In fact there are proven hypotheses altering your body clock, which will Everybody knows that sleeping on a book allows knowledge to enter your brain by osmosis, guaranteeing exam success that state ‘our sleep pattern is regulated make it harder for you to fall asleep at by genetics’. Scientists have found that appropriate times. consumption prevents the fi rst for a light and carbohydrate rich A busy mind a transcriptional repressor (DEC2) Possible Solution: good time stage of sleep from occurring, which dinner. Carbohydrates release the Balancing a social and an academic and a gene (ABCC9) are responsible management is key to a good night’s disrupts the overall sleep cycle; and neurotransmitter serotonin, which life is a nightmare for any university to regulate sleep length in mammals. sleep: if you have unfi nished work it’s therefore it leaves us feeling tired in makes us feel drowsy. student. Being Imperial students, we However this doesn’t mean that if better to wake up early to complete it the morning. You may not know, but know exactly how busy our minds you are not able to sleep at night, it rather than spending all night working alcohol causes many people to snore, always are. Did you know that a busy is your parents’ fault. Recent studies strenuously. which makes it diffi cult to breath and Body temperature mind is sleep’s worst enemy? An show that there are fi ve other factors thereby prevents comfortable sleep. Coming home from a cold rainy overactive and anxious mind prevents that prevent a sound sleep. Food: a heavy meal at dinner is day (typical London weather!), we the body from entering the relaxed Diet another factor that prevents us may think that a warm bedroom is state required to fall asleep. Caff eine: when we are tired, it’s very from sleeping well. Several types the perfect solution. But when we Possible Solution: Try doing a puzzle Noise easy for us to give in to a cup of coff ee of food such as spicy food, bacon, sleep our core body temperature like Sudoku, hangman or crossword When living in London noise is or a can of red bull to stay awake. cheese all contain a chemical known falls; however a warm room makes to distract your mind from other inevitable. Either it is a speeding But the eff ects of caff eine from these as tyramine, which causes the it diffi cult for this process to happen. thoughts and then try falling asleep. Lamborghini in South Ken or the products can last in our system for release of a neurotransmitter called Th is makes you feel uncomfortable Warm baths and showers have also obnoxious screams of drunken hours, hence not letting us sleep. In noradrenaline. Th is neurotransmitter and leaves you battling for sleep. been proven to relax the mind. students late at night — all these are addition, caff eine only promotes the regulates our ‘fi ght-or-fl ight’ response Possible Solution: Keep your bedroom Don’t underestimate the importance part of the London life package. Th ese light sleep and prevents the deep sleep by keeping our body active. well ventilated and avoid turning on of sleep. Sleep helps us form ‘little’ disruptions are one of the prime stage. Possible Solution: try to avoid the radiator too much, which will not memories, and assists us with speech causes that prevent a good night’s Alcohol: after a night out and a peg caff eine and alcohol especially at only save your bills, but also help you and reasoning as well as regulates our sleep. In the fi rst stage of sleep, our or two we feel very drowsy and people night as much as possible. You to sleep better! mood. So next time you’re struggling body and mind are relaxed. Th is is a may say that alcohol helps them could replace a cup of coff ee with to sleep, it may be your own fault and state between being awake and asleep. fall asleep. But too much alcohol a warm glass of milk instead. Aim not that of your parents’! To sleep, perchance to clean (your brain)

allow these proteins to be cleared is Th ey worked with anaesthetised, asleep and anesthetised mice. Emma Wills called the glymphatic system, similar awake and sleeping mice, whose CSF It still remains to be seen whether Science Writer to the lymphatic system in the body was injected with green dye when their the build-up of these toxic proteins that fl ushes toxic by-products out brain waves indicated that they were actually regulate sleep — whether of the blood and into the liver. Th e asleep, and red dye when awake. Th e they make you more drowsy the more fter hundreds of years of pathways circulate cerebrospinal fl uid path of the dyes through the brain was of them there are — but this paper hypothesis, the primary (CSF) into the spaces between cells in then followed, and it was found that does appear to reveal, at last, one very function for sleep the brain, removing the toxic proteins. large amounts of CSF were taken into important function of sleep. may now have been It had been noted before that the the brain when the mice were asleep, DOI: 10.1126/science.1241224 discovered. Maiken level of these proteins is higher in but not when awake. Indeed, when the NedergaardA and colleagues this week awake animals than in sleeping ones, mice were woken, the infl ux of CSF released a paper detailing how in sleep but that was previously thought to dropped by approximately 95%. the brain clears away waste proteins be because they were produced at a Th ey also tested the clearing of linked to neurodegenerative diseases higher rate when the brain is awake. injected proteins, and found they Get involved: such as Alzheimer’s that build up in Th is team investigated the alternate cleared twice as quickly when the the space between brain cells. possibility that the glymphatic system mice were asleep. Both of these eff ects science.felix@imperial. Th e recently discovered network of is more active when animals are seem to be due to the channels that AMRITA GHOSH AND ARYA MEHTA tiny pathways within the brain that sleeping. carry the fl uid expanding by 60% in ac.uk 8 FRIDAY 25 OCT

Editors: Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey COMMENT [email protected]

Boris: Resolute Vertebrate Jelly Part I

Cameron as party leader. His broad £445 return for the taxpayer may have conveyed as thoroughly enmeshed and endearing appeal to the people of “...an ethereal veil provided comfort to Londoners on the with his labour politics. Th is skew, Eoghan J. Tottenotten London is extensive, being re-elected bottom rung of the income ladder. albeit slight, may have contributed to @eoghantotten with a 44% mandate over Labour’s of guilt envelops me Th e binary pledge of creating his downfall at the polls. Comment Editor Ken Livingstone. 200,000 jobs by 2015 with a £221 I conclude with a note on Boris’ It has become increasingly apparent when I criticise him at million investment in small business approach to transport. His pledge to to me that Boris Johnson’s political was ambitious. Its universal appeal was service improvement on the tubes, machinations often proceed without all.” again apparent. Th is championing of expansion of the ‘Boris Bike’ scheme, he mayor for London, Boris inhibition. As an indiff erent freshman capitalism may have served to appease when underpinned by fl edgling Johnson, made the headlines I voted him back into power in 2012, for a manifesto during the 2012 not only the fi nancially endowed but projects such as Crossrail and in February of this year after purely on a whim of popularity. Th is election campaign. Its appeal spanned also the jobless and working classes. unwavering support for an airport deeming members of the dawned on me eighteen months later all societal thresholds. Foreign In an analogous fashion his support on the Th ames estuary, conveyed a London Assembly as “great when a friend commented with vitriol investment bankers, migrant workers of strong policing, combined with a steadfast sense of resolve. To warp Tsupine protoplasmic invertebrate that he simply, and local Londoners alike were able pledge for green space restoration, his own words he is, undoubtedly, jellies” for failing to interrogate him “doesn’t get the phenomena that to empathise with its fi scal rectitude. encompassed two fulcrums in the a vertebrate. As I’ll attempt to over revisions to the £16.5 bn budget. is Boris Johnson. Londoners blindly Cuts to city hall in excess of £3.5 bn lives of those who live in a city. Safety demonstrate next week he’ll need to Th e characteristic neologism merely tolerate his mayorship despite him simultaneously implied that Boris and health are chief priorities for all be dynamic and fl uid as mayor in the capped his voluminous arsenal of being a blatant right-wing arsehole.” Johnson intended to inhibit any citizens. By demonstrating that city coming years. Rising rail fares, a fl at- quips and redeeming facets. He is, My view of Boris Johnson isn’t as unnecessary bureaucracy while hall’s sympathies were congruent with pack Olympic legacy and the ‘plebgate’ by far, the most popular politician in extreme. In fact an ethereal veil of delivering more for Londoners. Th e those priorities Boris Johnson made a debacle are clear evidence for this. Th e Conservative Party at present. guilt envelops me when I criticise him ability to demonstrate apt fi nances for smart move. He managed to decouple A March 2013 poll carried out at all. I want to examine the reasons the latter proved pivotal in overturning his integrity as a man from his by the London Evening Standard for his apparent immunity to criticism Ken Livingstone of Labour. Th e capitalist politics. It was of perennial “...he is, undoubtedly, claimed that he would obliterate in context of his policies. complementary freezing of the importance that Boris Johnson Ed Miliband in the polls if he were Boris’ ‘9- point plan for a Greater Mayoral share of council tax bolstered distanced himself from Downing a vertebrate.” to (hypothetically) succeed David London’ covered a lot of ground Mr. Johnson’s resolve. Crucially, the Street. Ken Livingstone was always Confessions of a GTA: Part 3 “Sometimestimes thethe solutions are not the problem”

the room “Welcome to Imperial”, or had got the same answer that I had The GTA when fi nding out that they are getting found previously, but was wrong. How another lab on top of six courseworks was this happening? I look around Anonymous and an essay will just laugh. desperately for the lecturer who slinks However, this all changed when I out of the door to leave me alone with had a look at their practical sheet. All a class full of vaguely irritated and was really looking forward to my I could think was “this is really hard!!! tired students. So, forced into a corner teaching class with the fi nal years. “It was not like this four months ago I committed the number one GTA sin At last these were people that did when I was there. Th e Fear did hit of showing the students the answer. not care if you did not know the me then, sadly for the fi rst time in (Yes I know…) BORISWATCH.COM answer of the top of your head as years. How was I going to walk into Half way through a complex and Ilong as you tell them what the heck is a room and not be able to explain the wildly imagined theory of how you Daniel Adams on the joy of dichotomy going on or at least what should be. I question? It was bad… could do it, the lecturer saunters up think this is something to do with the I walk into the lecture theatre and to tell me the question is wrong… So ichotomy is the act of of action because their personal Fear. Th is is that feeling you get before march towards the lecturer only to maybe that’s the key of GTAing. Th e separating anything preferences seemed mutually your exams that makes you start get sidetracked, but I could answer Fear is gone but perhaps we need the into two separate exclusive. Great nights out stalled, studying ridiculously early and freak this question. Relief fi lls me when all craziness of the fi rst years to stand up components, A and B. A deals failed, relationships broken, out went you fi nd out one of your I have to do is explain the method. I and say that they think it is wrong, great asset of this is to or never even begun when often classmates is studying for 12 hours happily do this for the next half hour. even to the cleverest people we know. Dkeep things simple, easy to manage, the perceived dichotomy was totally a day. Don’t get me wrong, the fi rst Only to fi nd then that all the students and reduce variables to a minimum. bogus. years are lovely but the Fear fi lls them. An example of this is “you’re either Many false dichotomies seem to I think this causes irritating questions with me, or you’re against me”. fi nd their roots in people’s own beliefs like “Is it ok if I use a blue pen in the Th is dichotomy seems fairly and assumptions. Usually they are exam?” Or worrying questions such straightforward (if a little intimidating). exacerbated when said people don’t as “How do you add up in Excel?” and Th is statement intimidates and question their beliefs critically and on also the crazy questions. My favourite coerces up until the point that we a regular basis. of these was one fresher marching up realise that the dichotomy is in fact, To take another example: “A student to a lecturer, who is eminent in his false. Th e position of neutral ground must choose two of theses option at fi eld, and insisted that a question on is a perfectly logical one, which the Imperial: social life, good grades, or the tutorial sheet was wrong because statement avoids in order to carry sleep”. Daniel chose sleep. he had done three pages of working through its eff ect. and the solution he had found was Th e use of false dichotomy is one “There are two types impossible… that seems to constantly crop up in Th e fi nal years do not have the Fear. daily life, yet it is very infrequently of people in this Th ey are either too exhausted or too noticed, forgotten as people make an world. beaten down to care. Th ese are the exclusive decision and move on. Those who people who will, on hearing an MSc Many a time has a great opportunity student complaining they’d been in been stymied by the inability of the dichotomise… the computer room for two days and decision makers to agree on a course And those who don’t” their social life was ruined, yell across FRIDAY 25 OCT 9

@feliximperial

FelixImperial COMMENT Kelly-vison

How Noble are the Nobel Prizes? With the unsurprising news that Higgs past promotion of iniquity. Th e Peace Prize is responsible for the and French physicist Englert were Physicists like to imagine that Physics most farcical award for peace in history, awarded the 2013 Nobel Prize in Physics, and politics are two separate worlds. even more so than the Confucius Peace I feel that I can indulge in cross-subject Th e inadequacy of this attitude became Prize award to Putin a couple of years chauvinism. No other prizewinner clear to me upon visiting Hiroshima. ago. Th at is, of course, the joint award this year will be given for something To tie the exalted heights of the to Henry Kissinger and Le Duc Th o in of such profound importance. Th e Nobel Prize to worldly fi nance seems 1973. Le Duc Th o, honourably, refused most important Chemistry prize was sacrilegious. Had Higgs and Englert the prize. Kissinger — well known Rutherford... who was a physicist. not won the prize, some non-scientists sponsor of military coups (Chile, We need to think of the limitations of may have asked questioned the point Argentina) and avowed ally of Suharto these prizes. Th ere’s the lack of gender of the LHC. Th is isn’t to belittle the of Indonesia, who not only led a corrupt equity in awarding prizes unilaterally input into the theory, but note that and un-democratic regime, but also led beyond the sciences, keeping women offi cial governmental attitudes follow Indonesia (with Kissinger’s approval) out for much of their history. Likewise the devastating doctrine of the Bologna into invasion and mass criminal in literature, which recognised some Process, whose insistence on effi ciency slaughter of the people of East Timor — great female authors by the start of and competitiveness should be seen as did not. the 20th century. Th e percentage of a wholesale attack on education and Th ere have been sensible awards; few women awarded the Nobel Prize in research freedom. Th is is, to use idiotic contest the awarding of the Peace Prize Physics comes somewhere between phrases, “a time of austerity”. to Aung San Suu Kyii in 1991, and many the percentage of women in parliament Th ere are other dubious points in will acknowledge the heroism of likely in Oman and Yemen, the latter having the Committee’s history. A Literature candidate Malala Yousafzai. It is hard to the dubious honour of being lowest in Prize without Tolstoy seems suspect. accept a Peace Prize awarded to those the IPU’s list. I might suggest that the Is there anything in Kawabata but what who should be punished for war crimes. visibility of women on the Nobel Prize orientalist racism makes of his work? A prize bearing the name of a famous website does not function to ‘promote’ A Peace Prize without Gandhi lacks all arms dealer does not strike me as an women. It covers up the Committee’s credibility. endorsement for peace. Reflections on Journalism A condition for open press is respect Current active members/supporters Bush administration. for journalist protection. Th e fi lm include Salman Rushdie and Margaret We shouldn’t negate the threat to adaptation of the murder of the Balibo Atwood. Th e report, released on World journalists’ lives all over the globe. Five in East Timor suggests that the Press Freedom Day, is a brief summary Russia has been notorious for the death of journalists is a suffi ciently of coercive practices adopted by the mortality rate of its journalists. Th ere sparse phenomenon to warrant Chinese government to force consent are many journalists whose deaths go attention. Th e fact that I remember the on writers and reporters. Ai Weiwei unreported. Mick Deane, Sky News 2006 murder of Anna Politkovskaya and Liu Xiaobo come to mind as Cameraman, was one of 39 journalists demonstrates that journalist deaths victims of these practices. Th e report killed this year given coverage in have a certain impact superceding describes cases of illegal imprisonment the British media. Th is is why the general homicide. Th ere aren’t many and torture used against dissident ’innovative approach’ that Belgian things government can do, short writers and activists. security offi cers have taken to arrest of eliminating reporters in order to China is not the only guilty party in Somali pirate leader Mohamed Abdi restrict press freedoms. this respect. Th e Committee to Protect Hassan is disturbing. Consider PEN International’s report Journalists (CPJ), an organization Eff ective as this operation may We air the on restrictions placed upon writers and that campaigns for press freedoms have been in arresting leaders of journalists in China. PEN International journalist-related crime, has recently organized crime, it demonstrates a is an international humanitarian released a damning report on the lack of foresight and disturbing ‘gung- way that organization campaigning for press Obama administration’s alleged ho’ attitude on the part of security freedoms and writers’ protections. It attempts to curtail the more subversive offi cials. Th is has, according to a boasts a presidential list that reads like or investigative elements of the press. CPJ report, endangered the lives of Christy Kelly a who’s-who of 20th century literature; Th e surprising thing that comes to reporters working in Somalia. With (Maurice Maeterlinck, Arthur Miller, light is the repeated assertion by 2012 being the deadliest year for Mario Vargas Llosa and Imperial journalists that the administration is reporters in Somalia on record, I hope views the alumnus H. G. Wells, to name but a few. closed and secretive, on par with the 2013 remains uneventful. world.

Disagree?

Email us at [email protected] 10 FRIDAY 25 OCT

Editors: Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey COMMENT [email protected]

Of Commemoration Letters and Elections Dear Felix Editor, Joseph Letts I am replying to the outrageous letter, printed last issue, by the obviously irresponsible Editor-in-Chief individual named the Druid. His plea to introduce the most poisonous substance, namely ice cream, into the Union bar shows hank goodness it’s Friday! incredible ignorance on his part. Does he not It’s been another eventful week, know how many deaths yearly are attributed to with a lot of rain, lots of gowns and the abuse of frozen sugar? Th ese are induced lots of rain. by horrible diseases, foremost among them Th is Tuesday the Union’s Autumn brain freeze, from which I have suff ered on Telections fi nished on a positive note. Th is many occasions. I wish this notorious felon year over 27% of students voted for their to apologise to all those victims who have Union Council representatives, academic suff ered ice cream related accidents, and representatives and Liberation offi cers. Th e retract his request for this poison to be served. fun doesn’t stop here, now it’s time to watch the elected candidates and see how they Th e Paladin perform during the year. Congratulations to those who won, and commiserations to those P.S. At least we agree that there shouldn’t be that didn’t make it, better luck next time. any of that froyo or sorbet shit. Th e fi rst session of Union Council is this Tuesday, so if you’re curious about what Council does, why not turn up? All members IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON of the Union are welcome to attend and the Council, so don’t be shy! Got something to current papers are about topics such as the Finally, this week saw the graduation of were presented awards. As for the rest of us, Hyde Park Football pitches consultation and another batch of Imperial students, a large at least now we know that if we see any other the Union’s stance on the new Immigration contingent of fussy parents and a long people walking around campus in gowns this say? Write in! Bill. If there’s something else you think queue for photography in the Beit Quad! year, they are either Postgraduate graduands should be discussed, submit a paper! Any full Congratulations to the Class of 2013, as well or members of the Harry Potter society! member of the Union can submit a paper to as the students and members of staff that FRIDAY 25 OCT 11

@feliximperial FelixImperial BOOKS

Student Picks WTH is NaNoWriMo? Maciej Matuszewski picks: American Gods by Neil Gaiman Keir Little thinks that you should know Neil Gaiman is a well-known and prolific author. His creative range is impressive – having written Whether it’s swimming 500 lengths or shitty fi rst draft that NaNoWriMo is about: both science fiction and fantasy, authored numerous climbing 5,000 metres, we all know about the the ability to let go of perfectionism, ignore books and graphic novels, and worked on both films athletic challenges that some people rise to. the thoughts telling you to give up and start and TV shows. However, if there is one theme that is Fewer know about the creative challenge that again; to just let the words fl ow. a near constant presence in his creative output it is over a quarter of a million aspiring authors Starting in 1999 with just 21 participants, the exploration of myths and legends in their many take up each year: writing a 50,000 word the following year saw over 5,000 people different forms. There is nowhere where this is more novel in thirty days. taking part. Th e event quickly boomed in obvious than in his Nebula and Hugo award winning National Novel Writing Month, or popularity. It is NaNoWriMo’s supportive novel American Gods. NaNoWriMo, is now a worldwide community - and the chance of becoming phenomenon, encouraging people to put a recognised winner - that make the event The novel’s protagonist is Shadow, a recently released fi ngers to keyboard and hammer out over diff erent from a solitary, self-motivated convict who finds out that his wife was killed in a 1,500 words per day for a month. It’s not so writing challenge. As well as real-life meet- car accident a few days before his release. Having much a marathon as a Himalayan expedition: ups, there are forums for discussion of the nothing else left to live for he accepts the offer of a the glory isn’t in coming fi rst, or writing intricacies of plot and characterisation, job as the driver and bodyguard of the mysterious more than anyone else… it’s just in crossing competitive ‘word wars’ and other Mr Wednesday. This, however, is only the setup. that 50,000 word line. productivity games, as well as motivational The novel is really about the battle for the “soul of While ‘quality over quantity’ is a fi ne motto advice. America” between the forces of old and new. I turns for many things in life, it’s also what paralyses If, like me, you’ve always dreamed of being out that Mr Wednesday is really an avatar of the Norse many would-be writers, who agonise over an author but always put it off until ‘one day’, god Odin and he needs Shadow to help him rally his opening sentences and fi rst chapters, NaNoWriMo is your chance. I’m taking part fellow old gods against the new gods representing the deleting and re-writing until they give up, for the fi rst time this year, joining hundreds forces of globalization, consumerism and technology. still far, far away from having a completed of thousands of others, including regulars. novel - a process which I’m sure is familiar One chemistry student, who has participated This journey takes them all over the country and to many of you. before, says, “I want to be a writer, and forcing Th e event begins next Friday. If you have allows Gaiman to explore, through metaphor and Th e NaNoWriMo philosophy is to write yourself to write is a good way to start. I’d a writer’s itch that needs scratching, sign allegory, the various tensions at the heart of the without looking back: a rough novel can be found it by reputation a dozen times on the up, get planning, stock up on paper, pens, United States. Through its 700 pages the reader edited, polished and perfected; there’s not internet over the years, but didn’t actually booze or whatever you need. It’s tough, but becomes immersed in the culture, the mythology, the much that can be done with a blank page. take part until I was 18. I got out of it two after thirty days you’ll be one of a special feel of America. As with all of Gaiman’s work this is In the words of Ernest Hemingway, “the fi rst very poorly written books, and the promise few: you’ll be able to look down upon your an exciting and well written read but it is also a novel draft of anything is shit.” It’s creating this of more to come.” completed novel and say, “I wrote that.” of extraordinary depth and complexity. A must read.

Flash Fiction Take nothing for granted by Thomas Heaven instantly, as if that could change its Isabelle Erbacher outcome – but you can’t. It is the kind Mittens was hungry. He wondered what had Writer of story that makes you want to stop the happened to schrodinger, it seemed like forever clocks when you are sitting in the Tube since he had last seen him. An unusually long “In the world according to Garp, we are on your way to Uni, knowing that your time. Perhaps he was dead? all terminal cases. “ This motif, recurring stop is next and you will have to close multiple times throughout the novel, is the book. perhaps somewhat overdramatised, yet I have to say though, whilst reading it, painfully accurate. From the first page I did not always think I would praise it through to the last one, the reader is to that extent. Not necessarily because infected with the subtle anticipation it takes a few pages to fully immerse that the characters are inevitably in the storyline (it doesn’t), but rather Send your submissions for approaching something horrible. because parts of it are deeply disturbing. Something tremendous, something that Ranging from people biting off other our newest regular fea- will change everything, forever: An people’s genitalia, over children losing intangible danger; a monster introduced eyes, arms and tongues, to women tures! into the storyline by Garp’s young son raping disabled, dying men in hospital FLASH FICTION: Ultrashort Walt. He misunderstands his parents to impregnate themselves – Irving’s fi ction up to 200 characters warning him of the undertow along the got them all. Of course, “A novelist is a shore, and how it can “Pull you under, doctor who sees only terminal cases.” STUDENT PICKS: Send us up suck you out to sea”, and one day Walt In a way, this is a novelist writing to 250 words on your favour- stares fiercely toward the ocean, looking a novel about a novelist writing ite book and how it changed for the Under Toad (“How big is it? What novels. It approaches literature from you colour is it? How fast can it swim?”). a very personal point of view, which is The novel, with all its quirks, makes especially fascinating if you yourself are yet confirm that this is true, since I am it incredibly easy to dip into the story, interested in writing. still getting over this book like normal [email protected] become part of it, and laugh and cry with As if he knows how personal a people are getting over a lover after a the characters. The fear that whatever relationship the reader forms with his tough break up. I thought what we had you take for granted in one part of the novel, Irving mentions towards the end: was special, and I didn’t want it to end novel might suddenly be ripped away “Don’t worry - so what if there is no life so soon – which is why I immediately from you and torn into pieces as you after death? There is life after Garp, got myself some more Irving from the read on, makes you want to put it down believe me.” Unfortunately, I cannot bookshop! 12 FRIDAY 25 OCT

Editor: Arianna Sorba ARTS [email protected] Japanese Sex Extreme Art Attack and Pleasure Fred Fyles witnesses the destruction

wished you hadn’t overheard through What: Art Under Attack: Histories Clara Clark Nevola your housemate’s door. Before you of British Iconoclasm Writer leave, make absolutely certain you Where: Tate Britain, SW1 have had a good look at Th e Dream of When: Until 5th January 2014 a Fisherman’s Wife – those octopodes Price: £13.10, £11.30 concessions, What: Shunga: Sex and Pleasure in have got their tentacles everywhere. members free Japanese Art All in all highly worth a trip – Where: British Museum, WC1 though be warned. If, like this author, When: 3rd Oct 2013 – 5th Jan 2014 you look young enough to get ID-ed n an art world full of controversy, Price: £7, £5 students when buying scissors in Tesco, be it can be diffi cult to fi nd a work Parental Guidance Advised. aware that it may be embarrassing that truly hits you on a gut level. being asked if you’re old enough to Hirst’s fl ies and rotting meat? o the British Museum is view the exhibition unaccompanied. Old hat. Th e Chapman Brothers’ putting on an exhibition on Ihorrors of war? Been there, done that. Japanese pornography? Is But at the Tate Britain’s latest that even allowed?! exhibition, Art Under Attack: Histories Cast away your narrow of British Iconoclasm, there is a work Swestern minds and think again. For that still manages to pack a punch: a that’s what this exhibition will do — life-sized statue of Jesus from the 16th make you think again. Century, discovered in Mercers’ Hall So fi rst things fi rst – what is Shunga? in 1954. Developed in the early 17th century, Th e work is sublime, with an TATE © ALLEN JONES Shunga (meaning “spring pictures”) incredible attention to detail, but what Chair is Japanese erotic art, produced by makes it special is what the statue is (1969) by Allen Jones was attacked with paint stripper in 1986 by feminist campaigners. It is currently on display in the exhibition, in its restored form. well-known artists for the enjoyment missing — protestant reformers have of Japanese people of all classes. From hacked off the feet, legs, and right fi nished a meeting, but then your eyes Th e fi nal two rooms look at the role gilded scrolls to printed booklets, arm, leaving the face untouched, are drawn to the edges of the picture, destruction has in the artistic world, Shunga was available to all, and wearing an expression of pain and and the heart sinks as you see men both through direct destruction and enjoyed by middle class newlyweds anguish, almost as if in reaction to with pikes systematically smashing the subversion and transformation as much as high fl ying Samurais. Th ey what has been done. Th is forms the the famous stained glass windows. of existing artworks. Th e work by depict erotic scenes of various types, centrepiece of a beguiling and tragic It is works like this that form the Gustav Metzger, including a video and with diff ering levels of explicitness exhibition which explores the role of best and most arresting part of the of his now-legendary Acid Action and conventionality. destruction in artwork. exhibition. Unfortunately the next Painting performed at the Southbank, At the British Museum, great Iconoclasm — from the Greek for section doesn’t quite live up to this, in which he sprays acid onto a sheet emphasis is put on the fact that these “image-breaking” — refers to the neither the works involved nor in of nylon, is a highlight, a paradigm are works of art, and not just base deliberate destruction of a culture’s terms of emotional baggage. Th e of auto-destructive art. Pieces by pornography, and this is certainly true. own monuments and artworks, and second section consists of art and Th e Chapman Brothers, in which In all the artworks shown, everyone is a word loaded with religious and monuments destroyed for political they paint over historical portraits, seems to be having fun – couples, political meaning. Th e fi rst section reasons, and although an interesting question what ownership means in threesomes and groups – and there is of the exhibition cuts a familiar topic, the visual experience leaves art, but lack the visceral punch of no sense of objectifi cation. path through the reformation of the much to be desired. Th e layout of the works such as Ai Weiwei’s destruction But the main diff erence between 16th and 17th centuries, as Henry this section, which juxtaposes images of ancient Chinese pottery. Mark western pornography and these VIII broke away from the Catholic of the monuments that were destroyed Wallinger removes the meanings in colourful, kimono clad sex-scenes Church. In the years that followed, a with pieces of rubble taken from the fi lms by cutting away most of the is surely in the viewer. Shunga was systematic campaign destroyed the scene, fails to impress, and the section image, while Michael Wilkinson considered an entirely acceptable part majority of the country’s religious art; on the suff ragettes tones it down even unspools magnetic tape in order to of life, and was in no way shameful what resulted was one of the biggest more, showing only photographs of form abstract sculptures, showing how or frowned upon until the mid- losses to ever happen to Western art. the images they attacked. art can be appropriated to create new 18th century, when the combination Th ere are paintings of Th e Th e attack on Th e Rokeby Venus by works. John Stezaker’s work — always of a new military government and Assumption with Mary’s face viciously Mary Richardson forms the focal point a welcome presence at any gallery — an increased western presence in scratched out, fragments of beautiful of the room; the painting has formed makes a brief appearance with pieces Japan caused legislation to be passed rood screens, and smashed stained the archetype of the European female from his Mask series, in which photos against it. Th us, wandering around glass. It is like seeing the casualties of nude, while the attack is arguably the are spliced together with a cutting a gallery full of boobs, erections and war, and, as if witnessing some kind most well known of the suff ragettes’ degree of wit. But overall the section some rather fanciful positions (17th of atrocity, it takes all my strength vandalism, and the reasons behind feels arbitrary, as though the pieces century Japanese people were clearly not to look away. Th e damage to the it are clear — why are such works, have been chosen at random. more fl exible than the average 21st works is not half-hearted; some of the displaying inanimate representations Th e act of iconoclasm is a century European) there is a feeling of sculptures, hewn from stone and iron, of women, fêted by society, while real controversial, reactionary one, which enjoyment, amusement, interest, but have had axes and pikes turned on women, most notably the legendary is both exciting and horrifi c. It would no embarrassment or awkwardness them, in a display of brutal force. Emmeline Pankhurst, were abused by be fantastic if the exhibition refl ected – these pictures feel natural and Yet some of the other works show society. this. But while it starts out well, it soon acceptable. how the public were occasionally Th e focus of the exhibition then begins to lose its way, meandering As you wander round the exhibition, vehemently opposed to these shifts away from political protest, into between grandiose political amongst such artworks as How the practices. We are told how the doors aesthetic actions, and it is here that the statements and meaningless acts of Jewelled Rod Goes In and Out, make to Canterbury Cathedral had to be exhibition really falls down. Showing vandalism, before ending up with a sure you read the translations of the sealed to prevent the locals stopping works by Allen Jones, Reg Butler, and confused collection of new artworks. Shunga captions – most pictures have the destruction; a painting, beautiful Carl Andre that were at one point With its numerous photographs and the lover’s conversations written in the in its austere detail, shows the stripped vandalised but are now repaired blocks of text, this feels more like a margins. Th ese complete the Shunga, down interior of the cathedral. In the seems somewhat pointless, and the history lesson than something to get and are often funny dialogues, saucy centre are a group of reformers, and political reasons behind these attacks the heart racing; it is an interesting poems or just the sort of things you at fi rst it looks like they have just seem at times fl imsy and irrational. lesson, but a lesson nonetheless. ISRAEL GOLDMAN COLLECTION FRIDAY 25 OCT 13

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FelixImperial ARTS More Than A Hipster Art Safari Kamil McCelland explores one of the worldʼs leading art fairs he Frieze Art Fair, now in its experience. cultural event and I can only see 11th year, is one of the world’s Viewer participation seemed a it becoming bigger and even more leading contemporary art common theme this year and Ian infl uential. It really is cutting edge, fairs, and has helped shape Cheng’s Entropy Wrangler Cloud gave and is shaping the future of art as London into a nucleus of it a modern, scientifi c feel. He created we know it. And despite the hefty Tcreativity and vision. a virtual world, viewed through entrance fee (£23 for students!), it has Th is year, 152 galleries were invited simulator goggles that immersed become not only a signifi cant hub for to assemble in one space in Regent’s the viewer in the new reality. Th e contemporary art, but also the kind of park, and display the best of what comically large goggles and amazed chic place any young Londoner would they could off er. And they did not expressions on the participants’ faces want to be seen. disappoint; from Tokyo to New York, as they experienced this world made together they brought an international for hilarious viewing. feel to the fair and gave it dynamism In fact, alternate realities featured Th e Frieze art fair this year took truly unique to Frieze. Th is diversity heavily as a concept this year, place 17th – 20th October. Th e fair is makes for a thrilling and eye-opening reinforcing the progressive modernity held annually in Regent’s Park, NW1, experience where you do not know of the fair. Because so much of our entrance £32, students £23. what to expect from one gallery to daily lives are now online and virtual, another. this art felt up-to-date and was thus But the true beauty of Frieze is that instantly relatable. it showcases artists currently at the LINDA NYLAND © FRIEZE In the end, the idea of a fair is to sell forefront of innovation, the ones that art. But that was never really obvious are defi ning what the future of art shall suspends you in a white bubble of and fashion. But it does create vitality at Frieze, bar the huddle of curators be. Frieze Frame, a specialist section imagination. Unobtrusive lighting and and a playful – if not a tad surreal – you would see every so often. It was of the fair, off ers less established architecture create a cloud of clean atmosphere that really enhances my heartening to see the artists were also galleries a chance to exhibit a single minimalism, perfectly designed to yearly pilgrimage to Frieze. not too preoccupied by the fi nancial artist in depth and, for me, this is display art of any kind, and expansive Th e idea of people as art is not side of art. Th ey did not ostensibly where you really saw the innovation. space allows viewing without any just limited to how visitors dress. A create works that would be an easy sell, Here, up-and-coming artists have an intrusion on your intimate experience number of interactive works included for example Jennifer Rubell’s Portrait opportunity to display their works of the art. the viewer as an integral part, none of the Artist; a gigantic sculpture of a and you are really able to see how Th e people of Frieze are almost as more so than James Lee Byars’ Four pregnant woman where you are meant art is evolving, especially when you intriguing as the art itself. To see a in a Dress. It is exactly how it sounds: to crawl inside her womb. Not the compare it to the older contemporary man in platforms, a fur coat and Viking four people facing each other in a most practical of pieces… However, art elsewhere at the fair. helmet adds to the bizarre spectacle. circle, all wearing one dress. What I with the Tate buying four works from As you walk into the fair’s main You feel it is an opportunity for all the loved about this piece is how inclusive this year’s fair, maybe there is a market pavilion, it is as if you are walking into arty types of London to fl aunt their it was. Th e four people were allowed to for the kind of piece that doesn’t quite another world, a world that leaves stuff – or maybe they are seeing just talk to one another and the audience, fi t on a rich patron’s wall. LINDA NYLAND © FRIEZE behind the hectic reality outside and how far you can push defi nitions of art giving everyone a slightly diff erent Th e Frieze Art Fair really is a key Cho Chang Goes To Work in a Chinese Factory

China is a land of shock and consist of the white middle class en Lily Le stupefaction, according to the media. masse. For me, being third generation Writer But Th e World of Extreme Happiness Chinese not to be born in China, it takes us through all this, from the was rather fun to identify with some attempted murder of Sunny (Katie of the behaviour, mannerisms, and What: The World of Extreme Leung, perhaps better known as attitudes of the family members that Happiness Cho Chang of Harry Potter fame) refl ected those of my own. I wondered Where: The National Theatre Shed at her birth – among hundreds of what those with stronger links to When: Until 26 October 2013, others mentioned – because she is China and its history thought of the tickets still available a girl born into a one-child policy, more controversial events acted out. Price: £12 to £20, £5 with the 16-25 to the powerlessness of the country Intense and shocking, it would Entry Pass Scheme folk without access to education not be the same without a bit of and eventually enslaved in a mass- orgasm, kidnap, attempted suicide, producing factory. Th e audience and murder. A rapid-heart-rate- Could it be that there is no other play hears of the brutality of Mao and the inducing fl ashing rainbow light and with a more sarcastic title than Th e continued power of the state to crush vibrating bass reinforced the mania of World of Extreme Happiness? anything or anyone letting off a mere the city life of Shenzhen. Doll babies Th e play begins with two Chinese whiff of defi ance. manufactured by the featured factory RICHARD HUBERT SMITH men, complete with dirt on their faces It is interesting to consider these were lit up and fl ashed in an eerie way out of a cardboard box... I’ll go with imitation of One Flew Over the obviously to signify their countryside events of the play in the context of the next to a kitsch fi sh tank. that. Cuckoo’s Nest, seemed to mimic origins, foul-mouthing about whores reality of contemporary China. What Th e staging and direction (Michael Although the cast of 6 used to play the way a friend of mine pretended and pigeons excreting in their mouths. are the real impacts on the people Longhurst) were the defi nite at least 12 characters was successful to fl ap around whilst mocking the Frustration is the main emotion felt that the policies are directly aff ecting highlights. In such an intimate venue thanks to such work, the actors did suff ocation of characters such as the by all characters, and it manifests today? as Th e Shed, the change of setting not match it so perfectly. At points one in question. Th is professional itself in the aggressive yet nonchalant Looking around the audience, it from countryside to factory to police they made it diffi cult to accept this version was almost as laughable. But swearing which many born into manic seemed that there were more East station, and more, is carried out exaggerated reality was, well, a overall, with a slight polish, Frances Chinese households will probably be Asian members compared to other perfectly. At one point, the birth of a potential reality. Ya-Chu-Chowig’s work could fi t habituated to. plays I have attended, which usually baby is represented by ripping a doll Th e ending (spoiler alert), an amongst contemporary masterpieces. Want to write for ? YES NO

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FelixImperial MUSIC Oneohtrix Point Hecker Riaz Agahi examines albums from modern ambientʼs greats

im Hecker and Oneohtrix vedeath. Dropped Pianos was seen as Point Never are two of the cold and stark but for my money it most successful ambient distils some of Hecker’s more terrify- musicians of recent times. ing moments into the more restrained Tim Hecker is widely famed medium of piano. Tfor his immersive live performance, Th is is an approach that’s seem- where he plays to an audience on a ingly been incorporated into Virgins, pitch black stage in a pitch black ven- his fourth full-length album released ue, putting all of the audience’s atten- on Kranky. Opening track ’Prism’ bal- tion on the music and deservedly so. ances dissonance, melody and pulsat- It’ll be a long time before I see a live ing drones in a way wouldn’t be too performance more delightfully spine out of place on earlier releases such chilling than his hauntingly cathartic, as Harmony In Ultraviolet, and his distorted organ based performance at familiar sound is present particularly St. Giles in the Field last year. some organ work reminiscient of Ra- Oneohtrix, I would argue, went vedeath, 1972. In amongst all of this, a long way towards popularising the however, is the appearance of new el- genre with tracks such as ‘Andro’ en- ements, such as the piano work which veloping the listener in warm sounds, accompanies the more conventional enjoyed by pretty much everyone I and experimental elements and at know who’s heard it. Having moved times recalls early minimalism such away from the more conventional but as Philip Glass or Charlemagne Pal- always distinctive ambient he used to estine. Th ere is even a greater pres- produce towards a more readily ac- ence of wind instruments for example opinion, but I actually think last year’s at times reminiscient of Hyperre- evocative organ fl ourish. cessible style in recent releases like in ‘Live Room,’ as well as some rather collaboration – Instrumental Tourist, alism such as Noah Creshevsky, Both Oneohtrix and Hecker have 2011’s Replica, he has still managed to face melting bassy noise clicks. Th e showed a real contrast between their who uses vocal and other samples distinctive musical voices and seem- keep his distinctive style throughout. noise is made even more hard hitting styles which were elegantly blended in a way that exaggerates them. No ingly both have managed to bring Tim Hecker has similarly popularised by the more melodic repetitive back- together. Perhaps it isn’t going too analysis would be complete without new dimensions into their music, the likes of drone, with albums like ground. Most people will probably far to suggest that Hecker has been considering Lopatin’s synth work. creating fascinating records, mixing previous full length Ravedeath, 1972 think that calling this noise is a slight infl uenced by his Brooklyn based col- Tracks like ‘Problem Areas’ almost comfort with discomfort and creat- becoming favourites in recent alter- overstatement, and I would say that’s laborator. suggest the infl uence of dance mu- ing albums that are evolutionary native music. a fair point. I would also say, though Daniel Lopatin (Oneohtrix Point sic in a much more obvious way than rather than rehashing past glories. It is his subsequent EP, however, that the work approaches noise, but Never), in his latest eff ort, R Plus I’ve heard from him before. Not to As is often said, however, the more that really proves the best start- it’s blended with melody in a similar Seven, continues in the direction of mention that, but the extremely re- things change, the more the stay the ing point here. Dropped Pianos, of manner to Norwegian band Puma. his previous album, Replica – moving laxing and mildly cathartic closer same and in both Virgins and R Plus course a play on ‘Th e Piano Drop’, off Th is is certainly Hecker’s most ec- from ambient into more poppy, less ‘Chrome Country’ has some evoca- Seven, new ground is covered while Ravedeath, consists of several short lectic release to date, with moments abstract, melodic sounds. Th is may tive synth lines reminiscient of still retaining their unique musical sketches of piano experimentation similar to Fennesz (‘Stigmata I’) and sound derisory, but he has stepped Panabrite or some of the other ex- identities. from Hecker. It provides a natural Oneohtrix Point Never (‘Virginal II’). into this territory in a novel way, with cellent space rock inspired electron- R Plus Seven was released on September companion piece to Ravedeath which Th e view that Tim Hecker is similar to tracks like ‘Americans’ resembling ic acts on VCO. Th e album ends in 30th on Warp Records, Virgins is to be was interestingly recorded before Ra- Oneohtrix is a widely acknowledged sound collage and as such it could typically strange form, with a rather released on Kranky on October 14th. be argued that a still unmistakably distinctive Lopatin is exploring more accessible grounds through an experi- mental approach of sound collage and sampling. In fact, a lot of ‘Zebra’ would fi t in pretty comfortably with Replica, albeit with some jazzy textures mixed in. Th ere is however a wealth of di- verse textures and it’s certainly more eclectic than Virgins. In my opinion the most prominent feature is Lo- patin’s manipulation of vocal samples, in a way not dissimilar to Battles on their debut album Mirrored, gener- ally in conjunction with subtle eff ects and a pretty chilled out vibe all things considered. Tracks like ‘He She’ are admittedly a little hard to take on the fi rst listen, a disjointed cacophony of almost Enya-esque vocal samples, but through this rather unusual com- ponent he manages to create sound- scapes which both thrill and please, taking a previously used element to its logical extreme yet making the result rather comforting in a strange way. A great example of this is ‘Along,’ 16 FRIDAY 25 OCT Editor: Simon Hunter, Riaz Agahi, Stuart Masson, William MUSIC Stocker [email protected] Live Review - London Grammar Fred Fyles has an ambivalent experience at Electric Brixton

s they play, the screens - Dot Major, who wrap their sounds behind London around Reid’s forceful, mournful Grammar display vis- melodies to create restrained, al- uals of flocks of birds, most polite electronic pop. and wisps of smoke; Despite their meteoric ascent A these are perhaps per- into success (they’ve only been re- fect representations of their music. leasing music for 10 months), the Transient and fleeting, most of the band don’t seem to be fazed as they tracks on their debut album If You come onto the stage to rapturous Wait begin minimally, swelling to a applause. crescendo as the different elements Immediately they plunge into come together, before ending as ‘Hey Now’, which has Reid at her quickly and quietly as it began. most elemental, as if she is chan- With her piercing stare, blonde neling some kind of ancient spirit. It hair, and low vocal range, singer is only after the third song that they Hannah Reid may at first seem break their stand-offish composure, like a British Nico; but instead of and Reid lets us know how nervous an icy teutonic delivery, her voice she was before coming on stage; she has a warm, more soulful quality, tells us how glad she is to be back in reminiscent of Sade Adu or Jessie London after their extensive Ameri- Ware. She is joined by guitarist Dan can tour - ‘American crowds are Rothman and multi-instrumentalist great, but they’re just so... rowdy’ - playing synth, drums, and djembe she explains.

It is unlikely that they will have ble, the music is almost overwhelm- from which they emerged; having this problem here, since the au- ingly controlled, and at some points been together less than a year, their AMS album of the week dience seem captivated through- seems staid and clinical; perhaps the album was the bookie’s choice for out, with barely anyone daring to best way I can think to describe the the Mercury Prize before it was even Sleigh Bells - Bitter Rivals ruin the atmosphere by dancing. kind of music they make is ‘Dinner released (they didn’t even make the Only ‘Strong’, one of their standout Party Music’, a phrase that reflects shortlist). First, some honesty, I chose to re- tracks, has people singing along. their restrained style - for better or With the ghosts of former flash- view this album because I expected it The band move through the worse. in-the-pan acts (Little Boots, any- to be really bad. The hype died years songs relatively quickly, pausing in- Unfortunately, it is difficult for one?) there is a great amount of pres- ago for Sleigh Bells, and I’ve yet to frequently to chat to the audience, such music to translate to a live set- sure for the trio to not only succeed, find a positive review of this one. I fan- mostly about how their time in the ting; as the evening goes on, it seems but excel. Whether they manage to cied tearing this apart in the written States was. The songs, which deal to me that Reid’s voice is something of survive this cycle of hype boom and press, because that is what makes me with the intricacies of youth, and the a double-edged sword. It is incredibly bust long enough to record a second feel big. I’m disappointed on all levels. transition from teenager to adult- unique, but in comparison the back- album remains to be seen, but as of It’s not quite bad enough to complete- hood seem to resound well with the ing drums and guitar seem placid, yet it remains near-impossible to ly tear apart, but it’s not good either. audience, who seem to be mainly in even bland. Their cover of Kavinsky’s live up to their reputation. Sleigh Bells basically got noticed their early 20s. In ‘Metal and Dust’, excellent song ‘Nightcall’, featured on Early on in the evening Reid for being loud. Whereas most noise slightly chilly synth chords accom- the album, is a stripped down ver- apologises for their tiredness, saying pop bands take their cues from alt. favourites like My Bloody Valentine and pany Reid’s pure voice, as she dis- sion, that lacks all of the tension and that they are still slightly jetlagged; Pavement, on their debut record Treats, Sleigh Bells’ big chunky riffs were sects the trappings of an unsatisfy- slight menace that made the original their music seems to reflect this, reminiscent of the likes of Metallica and Guns n Roses. It was fresh, it was ing relationship. ‘We argue, we don’t so compelling. Nothing quite matches and at the end of the 50 minutes or exciting, it was a bit of a gimmick. Two records later, it’s hard to know what to fight’, she croons, and this non-con- the opening number, in which Reid’s so in which they play, their sound do. Their second record, Reign of Terror, tried to develop the big loud sound frontational attitude is reflected in voice was left pretty much to its own already begins to feel dull. Hope- with limited success. As with all bands based on a gimmick, when everyone the music, which seems to meander devices to fill the stage. fully the band will begin to develop gets bored of it, what do you do? without actually going anywhere; in It is impossible to talk about once the hype has died down, but for They decided to chuck it. The worst thing is, there’s a few tracks that would contrast, their pensive tune ‘Wast- London Grammar without mention- now, it just feels a bit like something really suit a big chunky guitar tone, and it’s a real shame it’s not there. ‘Sing ing My Young Years’ combines a ing the unstoppable hype machine is missing. Like a Wire’ and ‘Tiger Kit’ are painfully bland, while ‘Minnie’, ‘Sugarcane’ minimal guitar line with piano and and ‘Bitter Rivals’ aren’t much further ahead. The riffs are clearly superb and a sudden burst of drums, growing with a bit of muscle could carry these tracks, but instead they’re hidden under into a climax and then suddenly pe- layers of dull synths. If the whole record was like this, I would have removed tering out to rapturous applause. the MP3s from my laptop and this review would be more swear words than Despite Reid’s compelling vo- anything else. Sadly, the synths do work on the rest of the tracks. In fact, on cal performance, London Gram- ‘24’ especially, the synths really work. It’s pretty dream pop vocals and synths mar seem to be inhabiting a genre with chunky drums. It’s not going to set the world alight, but it’s certainly an - minimal R&B influenced electron- interesting listen. ica - that for the last few years has I can see why this is getting uniformly panned. It’s an easy target. It’s a previ- become completely saturated. With ous hype band desperately trying to find a new niche. At points, it is awful. their precise guitar lines and use of Overall, it really isn’t that bad though. I admit, I’m probably not going to listen space within composition, the band to it ever again, and I probably wouldn’t recommend it to anybody, but you invite inevitable comparisons to know, it could be a lot worse. The XX, another three-piece cre- Stuart Masson ating melancholic pop. While Reid may bring something new to the ta- FRIDAY 25 OCT 17

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FelixImperial MUSIC

Emielʼs Guide to REFLEKTOR Classical Music Stuart Masson previews Arcade Fireʼs latest effort Emiel de Lange

of my all time fa- rcade Fire release their vourite albums. Episode 1: What is Art? new album on October Th ere is not a song 28th. Refl ektor was an- on there I haven’t nounced in a reply to a been completely A single fan on twitter, it’s obsessed with at The defi nition of Art is an issue that philosophers have struggled with for been preceded with a viral campaign one point or an- millennia. In the 19th Century two greats gave fundamentally opposing views. inspired by Haitian veve drawings other. Th e two Arthur Schopenhauer, who thought the world around us a mere representation (me neither) and a single credited to a that followed it of reality, believed Art could reveal its true nature. He argued that music alone fi ctional band called Th e Refl ektors. were never going could completely express the world ‘in itself’ as it was not representative of Th e hipster darlings are doing noth- to live up to that. anything. Friedrich Nietzsche accorded Art an even greater status. To him, life ing to alleviate accusations of preten- Th e darker, more is devoid of meaning or order, save for that which Man creates. Art is therefore siousness. However, even as a massive intimate Neon not a means to better understand the world, but a metaphysical way of giving fan, much of this has passed me by. Bible was a fas- meaning to it. I’m fi nding it really hard to get myself cinating listen, if excited about the new album. Back in not a particularly "The world is a work of art that gives birth to itself." 2010, when Th e Suburbs was released, easy one. Th e Sub- – Nietzsche, The Will to Power I remember having it pre-ordered urbs was as easy from within hours of the release date to listen to as the It is often diffi cult to apply these theories. In the last century provocateurs such being announced. I remember it ar- catchier moments as Marcel Duchamp and John Cage have forced us to ask ourselves what is Art? riving and me listening to nothing else on the debut, but Is an unmade bed a work of art if it is placed in a gallery? Is there an aesthetic for about 3 days. Th is time around, I’d nowhere near as line to be drawn between the latest Hollywood blockbuster and an “art-house” forgotten it was even out until a cou- memorable, and switch up. Th ere’s a heavy disco infl u- fi lm? Finally, does such a line exist between the works of Beethoven and Justin ple of days ago. What went wrong? defi nitely a few tracks too long. A ence on fi rst single, Refl ektor, which is Bieber? A few years on, it does certainly wide variety of styles was met with a brave new direction for Arcade Fire. seem like my furious replays of Th e a single happier tone that hasn’t ever It’s also an absolutely banging track. I won’t pretend to know the answer here. Instead I would like to discuss with you Suburbs were perhaps a little over the managed to leave its mark on me. In Th e rest of the songs released from a tradition in music that for me personally comes closest to the aesthetic ideals top. It was certainly a very good al- hindsight, it seemed a bit like Arcade the new album all have a bit of an 80s of the philosophers, or at the very least is most engaged in the discussion. This bum. Highly rated by critics and fans Fire by numbers, which whilst good, infl uence, although none of it sounds tradition has rather alike, it saw Arcade Fire catapulted didn’t exactly blow me away. too samey. In fact, all of the new tracks presumptively been into the mega-big-time. Th ey won the Th ere is, of course, lots to be ex- sound superb. However, they all lack called ‘Art’ music or album of the year Grammy and head- cited about with the record. Produc- any orchestral elements. Th ere’s no ‘serious’ music but lined some of the biggest festivals in ing credits go to James Murphy of horns, no strings, no hurdy-gurdy. is most commonly the world. Despite all this, and I don’t LCD Soundsystem fame (alongside Th is isn’t Arcade Fire by numbers, this known as ‘Classical’ think this is just me, it just wasn’t regular producer Markus Dravs), doesn’t even sound that much like Ar- music. This title is quite there. Funeral will always be one which is most defi nitely an exciting cade Fire. Th e idea of mixing 80s pop used mistakenly, but with indie rock might be new ground I will continue to for Arcade Fire, but it isn’t exactly new use it for the sake of ground for modern music. In fact, it is simplicity. the legacy of James Murphy. Funeral was one of the most important albums With the advent in recent years. Th ere are countless of recording bands who tried to imitate that sound, technology in the none of whom managed it. Th ere are 20th Century the also countless bands who have tried to lines between the imitate LCD Soundsystem, and I’m a various musical bit concerned that Arcade Fire are go- traditions blurred ing to join them. considerably, but I Of course, to judge on just fi ve believe there to be songs (although seriously, who pre- one crucial distinction between classical music and the other traditions (such views that much of an album before as pop and folk). This is the fact that it is a literate tradition. Folk music is it’s released?) is a bit unfair, but those orally transmitted, and pop music is primarily transmitted through recorded fi ve songs are enough for me to worry. media (though it is true some is notated later by others), but classical music Th e fact it’s a double album, which are has always been written. This is a crucial fact as it has allowed the music to be a bit wank more often than not, isn’t analysed and hence developed over the millennium or so since the invention of fi lling me with hope either, especially musical notation. Furthermore, freedom from the limits of human memory has given how bloated Th e Suburbs was . allowed works to be written longer and with greater complexity. I’m hoping that I’m wrong, and there’s every chance I am. Maybe this will Over the past 1000 years this Western tradition has seen highs and lows, and be the album that fi nally shows LCD explored many style and genres, but importantly continues to adapt to the Soundsystem how it’s done or maybe modern world and may now be at a richer and more exciting stage than ever the released songs aren’t indicative of before. Audiences are larger than ever and continue to witness the regeneration the rest of the album. I suppose that’s of old works while composers are continually experimenting and pushing the the point of this though, a few maybes boundaries of sound and Art. Over the coming months I hope to present to are all I have for this album. It’s not you an easy introduction and exploration of this rich tradition. We will take a just that I’m not excited, I’m actually chronological look at some of the major ideas and trends and perhaps analyse a bit scared. in depth some of the key masterpieces of the repertoire. In the next instalment Refl ektor will be released on 28th Oc- I will explore the fascinating music of the of Middle Ages and their roots in tober. Pre-orders include fi rst access for Ancient Greece. tickets to the band’s upcoming world tour. 18 FRIDAY 25 OCT

Editor: John Park FILM fi [email protected] Scar Jo gets under your skin

fection, surveying the world she sees an alien terrain; transform a crowded Fred Fyles around her with an indifferent lack of nightclub into a claustrophobic hell, Writer understanding; subverting the classic entombed in dry ice and sweat. idea of a femme fatale, she tempts men The dramatic hills and seas sur- into her web, her eyes remaining dead rounding Glasgow form the perfect below her vampy wig. Taking care to backdrop to Glazer’s dark vision, with choose the loners of society — those a stormy beachfront being the setting Under the Skin without girlfriends or family; those for one of the film’s most dramatic and who won’t be missed — she tempts memorable scenes. The alienation Jo- Director: Jonathan Glazer them forward, like some kind of an- hansson experiences is perfectly ex- Writers: Walter Campbell, Jonathan cient goddess, before they are sub- pressed, so much so that in certain Glazer, Michele Faber (novel) merged in a viscous liquid, black as an points in the film normal behaviours Starring: Scarlett Johansson, Paul oil slick. take on a surreal air. Locals smoke, Brannigan Based upon the book of the same eat, and laugh; but Glazer creates a Runtime: 107 minutes name by Michael Faber, Glazer has barrier in front of the audience, scru- dissected away any unneeded plot tinizing human life through the lens. details, keeping explanation to a mini- While Johansson’s finely tuned per- To say that Under the Skin is a marmite mum. Following the creature around formance is at the centre of the film, film would be an understatement. is a motorbike rider, credited only the real star is the soundtrack by When Jonathan Glazer’s first directo- as ‘The Bad Man’. Whether he is her composer Mica Levi. A cacophony rial effort in 9 years was shown at the carer, employer, or something more of strings, synth, and drums create Venice Film Festival it was met with sinister, we never find out. When the a tangible air of menace — imagine a mixture of cheers and boos; Xan creature meets a man with a facial something along the lines of The Knife Brooks of the Guardian gave it five deformity, as much of an outcast as crossed with Bernard Herrmann, all stars, and called it “the best film in the she is, an element of humanity is in- imagined in the mind of David Lynch. competition by far”, while the Inde- troduced that begins to spread like a Other Lynchian comparisons can be pendent called it “laughably bad”. But virus. She tries to fit in, but the all- made when we look at the meticulous as the credits start to roll during this too-human emotions, experiences, sound design; the outside world is showing at the London Film Festival, and sexuality get stuck in her throat muted, dulled, making the interior of the deathly silence that has bathed the like the cake she attempts to eat. the van seem like a spacecraft in which auditorium is broken, by the sound of Filmed covertly using a series of the creature drifts, cold and alone. thunderous, rapturous applause. cameras developed specially for the The only way to accurately describe Beginning with a Kubrickian se- film, Johansson interacts with Glas- this film would be ‘an experience’. It quence of what appears to be objects wegian locals, unaware that they are might not be an experience you enjoy, in space, but turns out to be an eye, appearing in a film, taking the voyeur- but it is one that stays with you long Under the Skin tells the tale of a mys- ism to an almost-Hitchcock level; we after the credits have rolled. Taking on terious alien who roams around Glas- are watching Her, watching Them, the big questions about what it means gow, picking up men in its van and en- who are watching Her, all through a to experience alienation, Glazer has tombing them in a dark abyss. Scarlett miasma of cold sweat. These cam- created a work that lures you in and Johansson plays the creature to per- eras turn the streets of Glasgow into drags you under, down into the abyss.

He lives for the applause, applause, applause

ing around the cold winter streets will, and his music manager doesn’t at the heart of all this Isaac is fantas- John Park of New York in the 1960s trying to seem too bothered with him and ad- tic. Llewyn has the musical talent for Film Editor catch some sort of a lucky break in vancing his career. sure, but years of very little success the notoriously tough music industry, As he travels through the folk music has forced him to cope with so much, Llewyn is a lonely, hopeful wannabe scene, the audience is in for the jour- and the tired frustration of a mean- who doesn’t belong. Couch-hopping ney of a lifetime; with the nostalgic pe- dering artist is shown brilliantly by Inside Llewyn Davis in his friends’ flats has become a daily riod mood, backed by some outstand- the actor. There is also more to be told routine for the struggling artist, and a ing songs, all sung live by the actors when it comes to why he’s now a solo Director: Ethan Coen, Joel Coen string of bad lucks that finds him over themselves (who knew Isaac could act. It’s touching, and Isaac’s perfor- Writers: Ethan Coen, Joel Coen the next few days makes him question sing this well?), the Coens introduce mance makes this sub-plot ever more Starring: Oscar Isaac, Carey whether it is really worth sticking with us to a world and a genre of music you effective. Mulligan, Justin Timberlake, John his dream and ambition of becoming a probably never knew existed but will Inside Llewyn Davis shows the in- Goodman, Garrett Hedlund successful recording artist. embrace whole-heartedly. evitable path unknown artists will Runtime: 111 minutes The new film from the Coen broth- Lots of humour follow as everything eventually have to walk through. Hav- Certifi cation: R (USA) ers is certainly as funny as it is tragic. slowly but surely falls apart for our ing to face the realities of life, making Llewyn starts the day by losing his protagonist - but this is laughter com- the tough compromises and sacrifices friend’s cat, then he’s informed by his ing from the most natural, everyday is difficult to face up to, and Llewyn’s married lover (Carey Mulligan — on places, not having to force the charac- dreams and ambitions are what make entertainingly fiery form) that she’s ters into bizarre or unconvincing sce- it all the more challenging to stom- pregnant, needing an abortion he’s go- narios in any way. ach. The Coens are certainly in a low Llewyn Davis (Oscar Isaac) may be a ing to have to pay for. He’s not getting It’s Llewyn’s ‘Odyssey’ (the name mood, but they go about it with per- talented performer with the voice of enough gigs to support himself, there Ulysses even pops up once), as he en- fectly timed humour, involving drama, an angel, but his commercial viability is a huge box of his recorded singles counters friends, enemies and stran- and incredible performances to some- simply isn’t there, it seems. Wander- that failed to sell and probably never gers over the course of a few days, and what ease the pain. FRIDAY 25 OCT 19

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FelixImperial FILM

“I don’t want to survive, I want to live”

Condescending, money-grabbing outdone himself, certainly his nastiest, John Park Theophilus Freeman (brilliantly con- most brutal and vicious one yet, and Film Editor niving Paul Giamatti who shines even an Oscar win is certainly within reach. in a role that lasts five minutes or so) The Epps couple have nothing but wipes Northup’s history clean to po- hatred and deserve nothing but ex- tential buyers. Northup is now to be actly that from the audience, and this called Platt, and is not to mention level of malicious energy is certainly 12 Years a Slave his previous status as a free man to not easy to watch. Paulson, so calm anyone. Any sign of disobedience will yet piercingly malicious at every turn Director: Steve McQueen lead to beating and whipping. His first with her words and deeds, is nothing Writers: John Ridley, Solomon slave owner is William Ford (Benedict short of hateful. They have a bad habit Northup (novel) Cumberbatch), a considerate Baptist of reducing humans to nothing more Starring: Chiwetel Ejiofor, Michael preacher, a rare character trait among than mere property, and their almost Fassbender, Benedict Cumberbatch, the usual slaves’ masters. child-like claim on what’s theirs is as Paul Dano, Paul Giamatti, Lupita Violence and torture reach a new resentful as it is disturbing. Nyong’o, Brad Pitt, Alfre Woodard, terrifying height, however, with Ed- The relatively smaller roles filled Sarah Paulson win Epps (Michael Fassbender), Platt’s with big names are worth their short Runtime: 133 minutes new owner who is the personification but memorable screen time: both Certifi cation: 15 of evil as he terrorises his group of Brad Pitt and Alfre Woodard contrib- slaves, using the words of his scripture ute significantly to the finished prod- to justify his acts of punishment. He uct, their roles playing pivotal roles in also has a twisted crush on one of his Platt’s struggle for freedom. slave girls, Patsey (Lupita Nyong’o), But the most gut-wrenching, break- It’s difficult to know just where you’re something Epps’ jealous wife Mary out performance here is given by Ken- supposed to start when it comes to (Sarah Paulson) doesn’t allow to go yan actress Lupita Nyong’o, in her first complimenting every single aspect of unnoticed, by unleashing her own debut feature film role. She has only a 12 Years a Slave. Based on the shock- personal anger towards the innocent handfdul of scenes of actual dialogue ingly true story of Solomon Northup girl. but it’s her raw, uninhibited approach (Chiwetel Ejiofor), a free black man Ejiofor is magnetic in his lead per- to her role that demands not only your living in Saratoga, New York who was formance, as his intense restraint be- undivided attention, but also your abducted and sold into slavery where comes all the more painful to watch sympathy as she is put through end- he was subjected to unthinkable abuse as Platt’s life continues in such mis- less abuse from her owners. and cruelty for 12 long years, Steve ery. He wants to fight back, of course, McQueen’s third film is certainly a McQueen’s (Hunger, Shame) third and yet with his surroundings he is big leap in size and scale from his two directorial effort, making its round completely powerless to stop the gut- previous pictures. But this sudden in the festival circuits this year (Tel- wrenching injustice. This feeling of change is something the British direc- luride, Toronto, London) before it complete helplessness is further em- tor is more than capable of handling. goes on general release, will leave phasised in one particuarly harrow- He takes the element of suffering to you speechless and intensely moved. ing scene (one of many) that involves a whole new level. That frightening This is a film of genuine, unflinching Platt hanging from a tree, with his sound of every whip crack, the hor- emotions, where no character goes to feet barely touching the ground for rendous sight of blood splattering, waste, where the pitch-perfect per- support, whist everyone in the back- the disturbing view of the many deep formances from its tremendous cast ground (the black slaves, the white scars left behind are only a few exam- do wonders to capture the essence of “masters”) don’t dare interefere. There ples of what McQueen captures with- their roles, and where a director with is something so quietly passionate out any obvious censorship, allowing a sharp pair of eyes creates a harrow- about what little Ejiofor says in words the scene to go on and on for maxi- ing atmosphere in one of the most un- that even in silence there is profound mum effect. comfortable eras and topics of Ameri- sadness and fear that translate so well Knowing the fate of Solomon can history. on screen. His extraordinary portray- Northup won’t diminish the power the Every single minute of the film’s al on screen certainly pays off in the film will have as a whole. Even though running time is a painful one, not that film’s rightfully tear-jerking finish, and on the surface the final few moments you’d expect it to be any other way. As you’ll want to cry with him. may be a joyous one, there is still that he is torn away from his family, beaten As for the two main villains of the painfully distressing feeling lurking severely, and forced to work exhaus- film, Fassbender and Paulson are sim- around somewhere as the credits start tively under the burning sun, Solo- ply superb. Fassbender has a history of rolling. And no matter how unsettling mon’s many encounters are what drive not scoring worthy wins with awards, the film’s theme may be, this is the the narrative forward. but with this performance he has truly number one must-see film of 2013. Final year geologists “mapping” on Mt. Etna

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Grab your rocks boys! 22 FRIDAY 25 OCT

Editor: John Park FILM fi [email protected]

Kate’s fast-approaching Labour Day Less is more

John Park Film Editor

Labour Day

Director: Jason Reitman Writers: Jason Reitman, Joyce Maynard (novel) Starring: Kate Winslet, Josh Brolin Runtime: 111 minutes Certifi cation: 12A

Depressed and damaged — these are television, Frank insists there are two two qualities Kate Winslet can abso- sides to every story, and as the inter- lutely nail role-after-role. (Probably mittent flashback sequences (in which the only actress who can top Winslet the younger version of Frank is played in this respect is Nicole Kidman) And by the Josh Brolin doppelganger Tom a part of what makes Labour Day so Lipinski) begin to reveal, we begin to Not long after arriving, Anna’s aunt intriguing is what the actors make of realise that Frank has a point. And Fred Fyles drops two major bombshells - firstly, their highly unusual but fascinating with Brolin’s balanced performance Writer Anna’s real name is Ida, and secondly, characters. of a tough exterior and his exuding she was born into a jewish family, who As a divorced single mother to a son, kind-hearted nature, Frank becomes a were all murdered during the Holo- Adele (Winslet) has become detached far more intriguing character over the caust, with the exception of Wanda from the world. She doesn’t like to course of the film. and Ida. Being the only ones left, they leave the house unless absolutely It’s a scenario that perhaps requires Ida begin a sort of road-trip across Po- necessary and she depends more and a stretch of the imagination — any land, trying to locate where their fam- more on the young Henry (the ex- sensible person with a child would Director: Pawel Pawlikowski ily’s bodies are buried. Along the way, cellent young actor Gattlin Griffith) most likely have caused a scene in the Writers: Pawel Pawlikowski, Ida is exposed to the beauty of John around the house. supermarket. But given Adele’s past, Rebecca Lenkiewicz Coltrane and sexual desire, but also This all changes when random en- and Winslet’s spot-on portrayal, you Starring: Agata Kulesza, Agata the horrors of the Second World War, counter with a convicted murderer on begin to see the attraction and all the Trzebuchowska, Dawid Ogrodnik which she was too young to properly the run in a supermarket. As a post- fuss with this weird but oddly touch- Runtime: 80 minutes remember. For Wanda on the other appendicectomy patient, Frank (Josh ing relationship. hand, the war has never ended; with Brolin) jumped out of his hospital Seen through the eyes of the young collaborators and executioners still window, escaping with some injuries boy, the audience also gets to see life Last week, it was announced that living free in Poland, she still feels like and now has found the perfect place outside the house as Henry starts Gravity, the space-age thriller with an enemy in her own country. to crash and lay low for a few days. hanging out with a newly-local girl Sandra Bullock and George Clooney, Shot beautifully in black and white, Adele and Henry reluctantly take him who is far more mature than you had topped the US box office for a sec- with a 4:3 aspect ration, Ida may in, and at first this is fuelled by Frank’s would expect for someone her age. ond week in a row. Epic, sumptuous, draw comparisons to last year’s Os- rather non-subtle threats against Hen- There is sweet, light-hearted humour and in 3D to boot, Gravity seems to car breakout The Artist; but while The ry, as he gently places his hand around as we see the coming-of-age story of reflect the current cinematic climate Artist drew its inspiration from the the back of the young boy’s neck. Henry in the most unusual circum- of ‘bigger is better’. As films like The glamour and glitz of the 1920s, Ida is But this is where things get interest- stances, and it’s the many character Avengers and Iron Man 3 rake it in at cut from a different, much more aus- ing: Adele, longing for a male com- interactions that give the film plenty the movie theatres, directors that es- tere cloth. Reminiscent of Truffaut panion to fill the emptiness in her life, of life. chew such bombastic visuals, looking and Jean Luc-Godard, two darlings starts to see Frank in a very positive The sunny, picture-perfect life they instead to the past for inspiration, ap- of the French New Wave, Ida charts light. Henry, who’s been missing a lead only lasts the short and bitter- pear to be doing something risky and a smooth course through a turbulent father figure for some years now (his sweet Labour Day Weekend, a warm, experimental. Pawel Pawlikowski is and changing world. biological father (Clark Gregg) does fantasy affair that is cut short thanks one such director, and his contribu- Newcomer Trzebuchowska is bril- take him out for dinner once per week to an overly friendly neighbour who tion to the London Film Festival, Ida, liant as Ida; sheltered by the convent with his new family but there’s not barges in (Brooke Shields), and an is a bold and thoughtful masterpiece. all her life, she is now exposed to the much bonding here), begins to form a overly caring cop (James Van Der Poland. 1962. Anna (Agata Trzebu- confusing world beyond its walls. Ida special relationship with Frank. Beek) who, in all fairness, is only try- chowska) is a novice nun, preparing views her environment with a wide- And really, who can blame them? ing to help. It becomes unbearably to take her vows and commit herself eyed wonder, but hidden underneath Far from the initial appearance of a tense, as the stakes become higher to a life of solitude. But before she can is an astute understanding of what the scruffy-looking prisoner on the loose, than ever, and this family unit is one do this, her mother superior makes Polish public expect from her, both as it would appear Frank is quite the do- worth rooting for. her visit her sole surviving relative, a a nun, and as a woman. With numer- mestic god, fixing every little thing The closing scenes feel a touch con- former high-powered judge known ous long, pensive shots, Pawlikowski around the house, he even cooks, trived, and even in Tobey Maguire’s by the moniker ‘Red Wanda’, but has built up a visual language that, bakes (a sumptuous-looking peach surprise last-minute appearance there now fallen from grace, made to solve although indebted to his fellow Eu- pie), and irons too (shirtless, of course, is very little justification for an end- petty squabbles between neighbours. ropean contemporaries Bela Tarr and how else?). It’s a nice day outside? Let’s ing that makes you cringe. It’s heart- Played by the brilliant veteran of Pol- Roman Polanski, is entirely his own. go play some baseball with the kid. warming to a certain point, but as ish cinema, Agata Kulesza, Wanda is He takes on the big themes of anti- And sure why not fire up the barbecue the film starts to milk the finale more like a fish out of water in communist semitism, loss, catholicism, and the and spend an idyllic summer day with and more, the last few minutes come Poland. Frequently drunk, sexually horrors of war in this little gem of a the kind strangers? at a price of having to overlook some liberated, and disrespectful of author- film. Both rich and austere, cold and Despite the various local news questionable narrative leaps. ity, she seems to be an embarrassment heartfelt, Ida is a bleak but moving warning screens flashing from Adele’s to both Anna and the government. slice of life from a forgotten world. FRIDAY 25 OCT 23

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FelixImperial FILM Feeling blue Imperial Cinema

Fred Fyles Writer

Blue is the Warmest Colour

Director: Abdellatif Kechiche Writers: Julie Maroh (comic), Abdellatif Kechiche, Abdellatif This week we’ve got the Thrillseek- Kechiche, Ghalia Lacroix ers Adventure Film Festival and The Starring: Adèle Exarchopoulos, Léa World’s End coming to Imperial Seydoux Cinema! Runtime: 179 minutes Thrillseekers features exhilarat- Certifi cation: 18 ing short films and documentaries about extreme and adventure sports. We will be showing 4 films spanning It has been 5 months since the French a wide range of different sports from drama Blue is the Warmest Colour all corners of the world. Way of Life won the Palme d’Or at Cannes, but follows the USA’s Freeskiing team it seems like barely a day has gone on their quest for Olympic Gold in by without some form of controver- encounter that marks the beginning of The camera lingers on images of na- destination. the mountains of Alaska. Cascada sy surrounding the film. First off, it a whirlwind romance. ked women, of buttocks and breasts, A gifted director. Incredible leading is a collaboration between a team of was the first time the prize had been Inviting comparisons to Before Sun- that are themselves products of the roles. A hint of controversy. It all adds kayakers and filmmakers set in the shared between the director (Abdel- rise and In the Mood for Love, Blue is male gaze, as opposed to some kind of up to a blisteringly emotional epic, Veracruz State in Mexico as they latif Kechiche) and the lead actors the Warmest Colour excels at show- sapphic icon. It seems like the director that was a worthy winner at Cannes. encounter the elemental forces of (Adèle Exarchopoulos and Léa Sey- ing the tenderness and beauty of first was fully prepared for this to become a Passionate, ground-breaking, and nature. Not Bad follows a group of doux); and then the author of Le Bleu love. Walks through the park; visits talking point for the film, and reflects beautiful, Blue is the Warmest Colour bike riders for 30 days as they trek est une Couleur Chaude, the graphic to art galleries; picnics on the grass. it in his work is most certainly one of the best films around New Zealand. The Last novel upon which the film is based, All these are captured sumptuously, But once the controversy and graph- of the festival. Great Climb documents adventure labelled the graphic sex scenes, one of and the relationship is seen as warm, ic content have been scraped away, we climber Leo Houlding as he em- which exceeds 10 minutes in length, peaceful, and serene. But it is not long are left with very realistic, very natural barks upon climbing the mountains pornographic; and then the lead ac- before stormclouds begin to loom, interactions between the characters; of Antarctica. tors stated that they would never work and both characters must face prob- Adèle, comparing herself to Emma’s We’re showing The World’s End on with the director, claiming the work- lems with their friends, family, and arty friends, begins to see herself as Tuesday and Thursday (coinciden- ing conditions were completely ter- each other. uncultured and ignorant, an idea tally Halloween!) Any comedy fans rible; and then Kechiche questioned One of the key features of the film, that is further enforced by the family should check out this zombie/robot whether the film’s release should be that most critics referenced, are the dinners we are shown. When Adèle apocalypse comedy by the mak- cancelled. Oh, and the film was also extended, extremely graphic, lesbian dines at Emma’s house they are all ers of Shaun of the Dead and Hot banned in Idaho - but perhaps that is sex scenes. Stretching into minutes, completely open, eating shellfish and Fuzz. A washed up alcoholic was- unsurprising when the subject matter these seem to make the audience no- drinking fine wine, but when Emma teman (Simon Pegg) tries to reunite is considered. ticeably uncomfortable; about halfway visits Adèle she must do so under with his former friends for an ‘epic’ Blue is the Warmest Colour revolves through the first one, which breaks the pretense of helping her with phi- pub crawl in their dead end home- around the relationship between teen- the 10 minute mark, and a rash of losophy, and talk about her ‘boyfriend’ town. Things take an interesting ager Adèle (Exarchopoulos) and art nervous giggling breaks out. Kechiche while being served a much more hum- turn of events to say the least when school student Emma (Seydoux), a free has stated that his intention was not ble meal of spaghetti. As Adèle begins a zombie uprising comes to town. spirit with wild blue hair that becomes to make the viewers feel uncomfort- her career as a teacher, Emma repeat- With regulars Nick Frost, Paddy a centrepiece of the film. A three-hour able, but rather to break down con- edly tries to get her to better herself; Considine and Sherlock’s bezzie long epic, the plot spans a number of ventions of cinema, and this film ‘I just don’t want you to be sad’ Emma Martin Freeman, The World’s End years, as we watch the relationship certainly seems like a watershed mo- says, ‘I’m not sad; not when I’m with is the completion of director Edgar build, climax, and finally crumble. ment. However, as well as questions you’ replies Adèle. Wright’s Three Flavours Cornetto Beautifully shot, the first hour looks at of artistic value, these scenes raise the Things don’t stay happy forever; Trilogy. Adèle’s existence as a typical teenager; issue of the Male Gaze in cinema; can Emma reverts back to her natural If you’re interested in buying tick- engrossed with French literature, and a heterosexual man ever capture such blonde locks, reflecting the shifting ets for Thrillseekers Adventure Film with ambitions to become a teacher, relationships without somewhat dis- nature of the relationship, and to- Festival, visit: https://aff-kensing- Adèle spends her time gossiping with torting them? Julie Maroh, the author wards the last 40 minutes of the film, ton-programme1.eventbrite.co.uk/ her friends, eating in front of the TV, of the original graphic novel doesn’t Exarchopoulos’ performance becomes students £5/Adults £7 and having unsatisfying sex with her think so, calling it ‘a brutal and surgi- a visceral tour de force; heartbroken, For The World’s End: tickets are £3 boyfriend, before she spots Emma one cal display, exuberant and cold, of so- tears and snot stream down her face, members/£4 non-members day while out in the city. After fanta- called lesbian sex, which turned into which displays every flicker of emo- Visit here to become a mem- sising about having sex with her, Adele porn’. But perhaps this is too harsh; tion. Exarchopoulos, along with Sey- ber of Imperial Cinema: https:// seems consigned to the fact that they Kechiche certainly seems to have a doux, are both incredibly gifted ac- www.imperialcollegeunion. will never meet, but when out at a gay level of self awareness in the scenes tors, and their magnetic presence on org/?q=node%2F2969 for cheaper bar with her friend, they have a chance when the couple are visiting galleries. screen propel this journey to its final tickets all year and one free film! 24 FRIDAY 25 OCT

Editors: John Park, Emily Fulham TELEVISION [email protected] Liz Taylor and Dick Bu

the news of Richard Burton’s sudden Liz & Dick death. It’s so amateurish that this is the comedic highlight of the film. Lohan trying to somehow act out the role of Martha in Taylor’s most famous film Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? is one hideously offensive tribute moment John Park Television Editor that more than taints the excellent film’s legacy. It feels as though Lohan is performing a half-hearted comedic They first meet on the set of Cleopatra, sketch - a parody of Elizabeth Taylor where the married Dick (Grant Bowl- which is supposed to be funny. er) tries to pass the married Liz (Lind- Grant Bowler fares better in com- say Lohan) a flirty compliment based parison, and it’s only him who walks on her ravishing looks. But this in- away with some level of dignity intact. stead backfires and the pair are off to The volatile, alcoholic Burton is enter- a rocky start. She thinks he’s a snobby taining to watch at times, but even he English man who looks down on all can’t salvage this near 90-minute or- things American and female, he thinks deal that sets out to do far more than she’s a young American bimbo who what it can actually handle. doesn’t know a thing about the acting The film attempts to squeeze in as process. But it would appear that op- many events as possible. First the posites attract and soon they become meeting, all the way up to Richard an inseparable item. Their whirlwind Burton’s death; that’s around 20 years affair becomes a worldwide sensation, of content, a hefty number of events as with even the Vatican catching a whiff the lovers went back and forth, went of their forbidden love affair and con- through two marriages, and a host of demning their “erotic vagrancy” since different lovers. Liz & Dick stretches they were both married. itself too thin, and never explores the Alcohol and addiciton also play a juicy drama any further than stating central role in the couple’s dynamic. some vague facts about the charac- The two of them love their drinks, and ters hoping the audience will catch up hardly a day goes by when they don’t on their lives through the many time pour themselves whiskey or vodka jumps. in large glasses that they proceed to It has a thing or two to say about the down in one gulp. life of a celebrity; at the centre of the How Lifetime managed to pro- constant spotlight of the world’s at- duce such a bland, clunky dramatic tention, it’s difficult to lead a normal portrayal of one of the most famous life, and privacy is a luxury you can’t couples in the planet is atrociously afford. The paparazzi are relentless in appalling. The casting directors (yes, their pursuit of their snaps, although there were more than one getting paid Lohan struggles to show even a hint of to work on this department) must all anger or frustration at this which isn’t have been possessed or on something all that surprising given the long list of when they decided to offer Lohan the what the actress has not been able to part. Lohan is not as bad an actress as do in the rest of the film. everyone may think she is, but that The presentation in a way that in- doesn’t mean she can handle the role terchanges between moving forward of an acting legend. And it’s her per- with the main story, and one that finds formance at the heart of the film that us in a dimly-lit interview room where completely falls to pieces. A lot of Taylor and Burton are interviewed in people were shocked when they heard a bizarre, fictional afterlife-type set- the news of Lohan’s casting - and they ting as they look back on their history, were right to be. is one that is confused and requires It looks as though she’s not even Lohan to speak more than necessary. trying; she huffs and puffs through They reflect on their actions, explain her dialogue as if reciting every word themselves, and it’s clear the point of on her script without really under- such segments was to provide some standing what is happening around sort of psychological insight into their her, and she doesn’t even come close behaviour and decisions. And yet to embodying Taylor. The make-up, this approach tediously slows down hair and costume departments have the film considerably, and it’s not as all done wonders here, trying to rep- though what they have to share di- licate Taylor’s exact, iconic looks, but rectly with the audience is anything the woman wearing the dresses, the ground-breaking. jewellery, the wigs, is simply not up Here is something that will no doubt for the challenge. One particularly give you a good laugh, almost all of memorable moment of unintentional it stemming from Lohan’s god-awful hilarity is Lohan’s Taylor’s reaction to portrayal of a two-time Oscar winner. FRIDAY 25 OCT 25

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FelixImperial TELEVISION urton: their love affair

her cues, and therefore the rehearsals ally fallen out of love. They are initially Burton & Taylor take absolutely forever to complete. reunited purely on a professional level, This of course, does not sit well with but as time passes by their mutual at- Burton, who has a much more rigid, traction becomes difficult to ignore thorough process, a meticulous per- outright. fectionist especially when it comes to Taylor is more actively in pursuit performing live on stage in front of his of romance than Burton, who at this John Park Television Editor many admirers. point in life is happily married to Sally. West, although looking a lot health- Burton lets her know this, which nat- ier than Burton did during that time urally breaks her heart. Here Carter’s Already twice married and divorced, period, is still a brutish acting force performance reaches new heights as this doesn’t exactly scream the best who cannot be ignored. He is stern she struggles to come to terms with match made in heaven and yet Eliza- and deadly serious throughout, of- having to move on with her life. Carter beth Taylor (Helena Bonham Carter) fering a volatile contrast to Carter’s is hugely effective, and even for those is eager for her and her ex-husband role, and it’s their fiery chemistry that who disapprove of a woman chasing Richard Burton (Dominic West) to makes this instantly watchable. He a married man, there is an element of take on a stage play together; Noel looks older and considerably weaker, profound sadness and regret that is Coward’s Private Lives. The news of and references to his physical in- captured so brilliantly by the English their upcoming reunion naturally jury as well as his past of alcoholism actress. sends the media into a frenzy, and an- help shape him as a damaged but still The constantly evolving character ticipation is running high for what is proud man. study is one that grips and never lets to become the theatre-going event of a Cracks that begin to show during go. Even in its short running time lifetime. The ticket prices are of course the rehearsals (with Taylor turning (only 82 minutes in length) the film on the pricey side, but no matter, since up drunk, drugged and utterly unpre- packs in so much dramatic force that this is Burton and Taylor, a legendary, pared for the whole thing), take a turn you sometimes wish perhaps the film unmatchable pairing famous both for for the worse when the play actually could have been longer as Carter and their professional careers as well as gets going. All that Taylor needs to do West are endlessly enjoyable to watch. their tempestuous personal lives. The for a round of rousing applause from By focusing solely on the relatively performances sell out, and the pres- the audience is to simply show up on short time span of the production sure is on to put on an outstanding stage. No need to speak the lines, no history of the play, the writers have show to do their names justice. need to do anything, all she has to do room to delve deep into the complex What Lifetime couldn’t do, BBC is to exist. Burton however, doesn’t characters. Past mistakes and troubles could, and from the get-go you can tell quite receive that same treatment. are referred to, which give us a more this is going to be a wholly different, Does this spark jealousy? Of sorts. Al- satisfying, rounded picture of the cou- much better film about the Hollywood though Burton’s pride gets in the way ple; mixing the happy memories of couple. of making his feelings known, West their magical past that can never be Comparing Helena Bonham Carter certainly lets us know that this both- recaptured, as well as looking ahead to Lindsay Lohan in an insult in itself, ers him. to the emptier, more bleak future also and it’s no surprise to see that Carter Getting into fights and making up relating this to their declining health, is a much better Elizabeth Taylor than soon afterwards is a repetitive cy- ending on a very bittersweet note that Lohan can ever dream of being. She cle they go through again and again, asks the audience to care and empa- walks and talks with charisma and which provide some fine entertain- thise with a couple who probably will confidence, in her care-free, diva-like ment as the two of them really go at have no realistic long-term prospects. attitude towards work: she doesn’t each other, both verbally and in her It’s an endearing, memorable little even read the play before rehearsals case, physically too. But behind all the television film, one that benefits enor- as she wants to keep things fresh and harsh words and raised volume, there mously from the gifted cast playing original. She doesn’t know her lines, is a sense that the two have never re- gifted actors. 26 FRIDAY 25 OCT

Editors: John Park, Emily Fulham TELEVISION [email protected] Something Creepy This Way Comes Sleepy Hollow is the latest apocalyptic show to take the US by storm

decapitating the Headless Horseman. Emily Fulham Placed under a spell, he reawakens in Television Editor the present day, to fi nd the Horseman returned and chopping off heads left With Halloween only a week away, right and centre. If that’s not bad ‘tis the season to carve pumpkins and enough, it turns out the Horseman watch something spooky. One new is only one of the Four Horsemen, show that fi ts the bill is Sleepy Hollow, harbingers of the Apocalypse. one of the US’s new autumn shows, the Ichabod is discovered by Lieutenant fi rst episode of which was shown last Abbie Mills, a police offi cer whose week on Universal. Whilst the show mentor, the Sheriff of the town, isn’t directly related to the fi lm of the is one of the fi rst victims of the same name featuring Johnny Depp, Horseman. Although skeptical at both are based off the folktale written fi rst of Ichabod’s explanation of time- by American author Washington travel and witchcraft, Abbie has some Irving, Th e Legend of Sleepy Hollow, of her own previous experiences with which narrates the story of the ill-fated unexplained phenomena, and the two Ichabod Crane and his encounter with team up to investigate. the Headless Horseman. It’s early days yet for the show, but Th e story has been adapted and the fi rst episode puts it off to reinterpreted many times, but the a promising start. One of the latest version, created by two of the highlights so far is Ichabod’s attempts writers of the rebooted Star Trek fi lms to familiarise himself with the breathes fresh life into the tale by diff erences between 1781 and the (Abbie being African-American), the handsomely blows around his face, Comes Around - proves the show has transporting it to modern times and present; such as electric car windows pair make a good couple, with Abbie’s wind-tunnel like, in every scene. good taste. Here’s hoping that there’s adding a biblical twist. Here, Ichabod and the ubiquity of Starbucks. And no-nonsense attitude balancing out With a second series already even better yet to come. Crane, a soldier in the American although his and Abbie’s relationship Ichabod’s earnest naivety. Th ere’s also commissioned in the US, may be worth Revolutionary War and acquaintance gets off to a somewhat rocky start a refreshing lack of sexual tension getting into. At the very least, the choice of a pre-presidential General when he politely inquires as to between the two, in spite of the best of song for the end of the pilot episode Sleepy Hollow is currently airing on George Washington, is killed after whether she’s been emancipated attempts of Ichabod’s hair, which - appropriately, Johnny Cash’s The Man the Universal Channel.

Five suggestions for TV-themed Halloween Costumes Emily Fulham offers some novel dress-up ideas this year Th e days of cutting eye holes in a bedsheet are long gone, we’re afraid: you’re nobody unless you’re wearing a culturally signifi cant, ironically cool get-up that’s been weeks in the making. No need to panic, though, we’ve got you covered: here’s fi ve suggestions that require little eff ort, yet will get you your pick of the fun-size Mars bars.

Daenerys Targaryon Tobias Fünke (Arrested Ruby Tandoh Anyone from Made in Walter White (Game of Thrones) Development) (Great British Bake Off) Chelsea (Breaking Bad)

Stick on a blonde wig and smudge Who better to go as than the world’s Just add an over-sized cardie, denim Pull on your fi nest red Jack Wills You’ll never look as good as this baby, dirt on your face. Don’t worry if you fi rst ‘Analrapist’? All you need is blue jacket, and an air of self-deprecating trousers, get yourself a goatee, slap but that’s not to stop you from trying. don’t have dragons to complete the paint and a fake ‘tache. Just don’t anxiety. If anyone compliments you on on the fake tan, and you’re good to Everyone’s favourite meth dealer costume; it’ll add to the authenticity forget the denim cut-off s or you get your costume, shrug your shoulders go. Now go back upstairs and get is easy enough to impersonate: key when you knock on your neighbours’ might get a bit chilly (and scare any and tell them you thought it’d come changed; even Halloween isn’t worth components are a bad ass hat and door screaming, “Where are my children). out a bit shit, to be honest. looking like that much of a tosser. menacing stare (the meth is optional). dragons??” FRIDAY 25 OCT 27

@feliximperial

FelixImperial TECHNOLOGY Cyber black market is no more

largest online bitcoin confi scations, basis, but found that they could no they were still unable to seize longer have drugs and other illegal Osama Awara Ulbricht’s own personal stash of $80 goods delivered to their door like Technology Editor million. groceries are calling for revenge. A bitcoin, being a very volatile After the shutdown of this ‘sacred’ currency, requires a personal service, their chief target is special password for transactions of it to be agent Chris Tarbell – one of the nown and loved by made; unless Ulbricht hands over his key FBI offi cials responsible for the its many users and password to the feds, he may still be tracking down and closure of Silk advocates as the Silk able to keep a hold of his wealth even Road. Road Marketplace, this if found guilty of all the charges. On rendezvous forums across underground website Ulbricht, who studied Chemical the web, Silk Road users have been Kdubbed as the ‘amazon.com’ and Engineering and is an advocate of posting the home address of Tarbell ‘e-bay’ of illegal drugs has offi cially libertarian economics, was what with the hope of swift vengeance. As been shut down by the FBI. Seizing seemed to be a smart, charismatic one user, ‘MendoHashMan,’ wrote, “I what is believed to be $3.6 million person with a bright future ahead think there should be a public list of dollars in bitcoins, a small fraction of him, as his mother, Lyn Lacava all agents involved, names, addresses, of their $80 million profi ts, during describes. “He is a really stellar, good pictures, family info, just make it the online raid, the FBI also managed person and very idealistic. I know he known that we know.’ to claim hold of the sites ‘digital never meant to hurt anyone”. Clearly with the shutting down wallets’, used to store some of the However, his online activities of Silk Road widespread anger has marketplace’s virtual assets. seemed to portray a darker side to spread across its community. Th is is Claiming its name from the ancient him. If you can go so far as to excuse not the fi rst time the US government trade route connecting Europe, Ulbricht for setting up this ‘grand has shut down illegal websites and China, and India through the bazaar’ in the name of free trade arrested its founders, only to fi nd the The News Bubble lucrative silk merchandise bought and personal freedoms, it is more same or similar sites springing up and sold along its length, this site diffi cult to look past his calling upon again, but under diff erent domains. mainly involves the trade of a wide the assassination of a Silk Road user Whether there is any point or not General news from around the tech world, so you can keep up to variety of narcotics. Other goods with whom he had a dispute with. in trying to contain the internet, it date with the newest, wierdest and most futuristic things around. and services were also off ered, such Th e user, known as ‘FriendlyChemist’, is evident that people cherish their as forgeries and the more extreme - was accused by the founder of sense of online community whether assassination services. blackmailing to reveal the indentities it be through innocent online games Th e alleged founder and owner of of thousands of other Silk Road users such as World of Warcraft, or more Appleʼs newest keynote the site, Ross William Ulbricht, 29, unless he was paid. Th is threat being sinister drug dealing services such as was arrested by the FBI, convicted inexcusable to ‘Dread Pirate Roberts’ Silk Road, and hence would not allow On Tuesday Apple released its newest iPad, the iPad Air. While this of narcotics traffi cking, computer lead him to call upon the death of his their fraternities to simply crumble name has been bandied about the internet for a while, its appearance at hacking and money laundering online counterpart, even if they may have to face the full this time is a bit surprising. Th e product itself seems quite solid, and is conspiracies. In a later post to justify his hit force of their governments. As one of surely one of the top devices available. Th e iPad mini also got an update, Ulbricht, who goes by his online request, Ulbricht stated, “He is Silk Road’s moderators, Cirrus, put now sporting a retina display and updated inside. Th e most surprising alias of ‘Dread Pirate Roberts’, or threatening to expose the identities it, ‘We must stand on the shoulders thing of the keynote was the fact that Mavericks will now be free! Th is is DPR, a fi ctional character from Th e of thousands of my clients. Th is of this tragedy that has befallen us great news and should really be taken advantage of! Princess Bride novel, will soon be kind of behaviour is unforgivable and raise high what still remains - our heading to New York to face these to me. Especially here on Silk Road, sense of community, freedom and allegations. anonymity is sacrosanct”. justice. No doubt we will all regroup Amongst his charges, it was It’s not just ‘Dread Pirate Roberts’ elsewhere, and I look forward to Windows 8.1 also stated that the website was who seemed to have a ‘righteous’ fury seeing all of you again, still free and generating 9.5 million bitcoins in over any transgressors of the sanctity still engaging in free trade without So. Th e newest update to the world’s most “modern” operating system sales, an equivalence of $1.2 billion. of Silk Road. Other regular users, government interference into your has arrrived. While it does not really add or implement any fundamental Despite this being one of the feds who used this utility on a regular personal aff airs.’ changes, it does concede a point to the public by returning the start button to the desktop interface. However, even this button does not really do much, as its basic function is just to bring the user back to the metro interface. In a further blow to Microsoft’s RT OS, it seems the update has completely messed it up. In fact, with the update installed, users have reported that they cannot even turn on their devices.While this may not really aff ect that many users, it does add an extra nail to the OS’s coffi n.

Check out QCraft!

Google’s Quantum AI Lab Team have developed a wierd yet totally interesting mod for minecraft! Called QCraft it incorporates all the phenomenma normally seen in Quantum Mechanics (e.g. superposition).

Maximilian Eggl Yong Wen Chua Osama Awara

Technology Editors 28 FRIDAY 25 OCT

Editor: Maximilian Eggl, Calum Skene, GAMES Imran Rashid [email protected] Y wouldn’t you buy these amazing g Yong Wen Chua Games Writer

n the 17 years since the fi rst Pokémon games were released, Game Freak have been churning out generations of iterative games, each improving Iupon their predecessors gradually. Now in its sixth generation of the games, Pokémon X & Y delivers another more-of-the-same but greatly improved game from its predecessor Pokémon Black 2 and White 2. I played Pokémon Y, but the diff erences between the versions are slight, and do not involve any NINTENDO gameplay mechanics. Th is review will contain spoilers, although not story related ones. You can now walk across grass fi elds, player is able to customise his or her like in Pokémon Black and White, the improvement in terms of the storyline shallow water, and even have Pokémon appearance. You can buy clothes, game camera will also pan around the being slightly more interesting and leap out of bushes or the sand to and change your hairstyle and your battlefi eld, giving you an immersive diff erent. ambush you. In caves, Pokémon can accessories like your bag and hat. Th is experience while you battle. Th e story is typical. When you start Aesthetics and even swoop down from the ceiling is all done in the name of being stylish, Unfortunately, it also seems that the game, the game asks if you are a to attack you. Some people may which is also a gameplay mechanic Game Freak might have gone a bit boy, or a girl. You make your choice, Presentation really hate such random encounters that allows you access to some of the too far in terms of maximising and enter your name and then you are prevalent in typical Japanese games; locations in the game. utilising the 3DS graphics capabilities a thrown into your bedroom. You Th e new 3D graphics (when I say the variety of such encounters seem In ages past, battles mostly looked in this game. Stereoscopic 3D is not are a newbie in town who is given a 3D, I mean the 3D models you see in to have alleviated the frustration, and like two Pokémon sprites moving always used consistently in the game. It Pokédex by some professor who then games, not the stereoscopic 3D you I actually look forward to having some laterally on a screen, and blinking only manifests in cut scenes, and only sends you off on a journey to complete get in a 3DS) would be the fi rst thing encounters. when they get hit. Well, not any in single one on one battles. In battles, it. You are called to investigate some that someone would notice when they Th e music in the game sounds really more. Battles feel very much alive you could literally see the framerate of mystery about mega-evolution pick up the game. For the fi rst time in amazing. I really liked the various in Pokémon X and Y. While the the game drop and lag when you have (mechanics described below). At the game’s history (only considering battle themes. Th e cities and towns player decides on his next move, the stereoscopic 3D turned on. Even with the same time, you collect eight gym the main series of games and not their have music that seems to emphasise Pokémon on the fi eld will breathe, stereoscopic 3D turned off , battles badges to complete in the Pokémon spin-off s), Pokémon are no longer just the beauty aspects of them, and is idle around, and even turn around sometimes lag as well. Th is gets worse league, and become the champion 2D sprites with some extra frames for just really pleasing to listen to. I to look at the player for directions. in a triple battle. after challenging the elite four. You rudimentary animations — they are usually have the volume slider on my When the attacks are exchanged, they also encounter some evil organisation. now living, breathing creatures who 3DS turned all the way up when I am will actually move in a way that is Story Th ey are just called Team Flare in move around during battle scenes playing at home. I should also note consistent with what the attack is. For this game. It is all the same. If you’ve when you are idle. Th ey squirm in that the music sounds diff erent from example, if it wants to shoot a Hyper Th e stories of the Pokémon games played any of the games, you’ve heard pain when they get hit, and they dance previous games, with a change in the Beam, it might actually open its mouth have really never been a draw. Th ey are of the story. It is actually a regression when they are happy. style of the music. and shoot a beam. When Pokémon get the same. Pokémon Black and White compared to Pokémon Black and Th e overworld is also now in For the fi rst time in the series, the hit, they will squirm and grimace. Just and their sequels actually made a stark White. It raises some interesting glorious and beautiful 3D. Cities adult themes of overpopulation and and towns actually feel alive with resource scarcity, but they never really people who move around and you get developed. can eavesdrop on their conversations In games past, you would usually if you so wish. Th e camera swoops have one (and then two) rivals in the arounds with diff erent camera angles game who aid you on your quest. Th is as you move around the cities and time, you get four, three of whom are routes, highlighting the amazing really annoying. Th ey get in the way, aesthetics that Game Freak has added say silly things, and just babble on and to the cities. One of the caves only on. I think Game Freak intended to allows traversing with an over-the- make the whole journey seem less of shoulder look, giving it more of a a solo experience, but I don’t think it mysterious nature without the usual worked for me. Perhaps that’s because top-down approach. Th is was fi rst I am old and cynical. featured in Pokémon Black and White, Th e only one who is bearable and but with the game now moving onto even slightly likeable is your actual better graphics with the 3DS, it looks rival who is the gender that you way better. With the game set in the did not choose when making your Kalos region modelled after France, it character, but they suff er from really is not surprising to fi nd some French low self esteem and say extremely self- knockoff s in the game. Th ere is a deprecating things when you defeat tower in the middle of the largest city them. What am I supposed to do? I that is obviously a copy of the Eiff el can’t progress if I don’t defeat you, Tower, and there is also a clone of the and yet you say such depressing things Versaille Palace in the game. that really make your character rather Random encounters with Pokémon unlikeable, and diffi cult to empathise in the game are also more varied. YONG WEN CHUA/NINTENDO with. FRIDAY 25 OCT 29

@feliximperial FelixImperial GAMES games? Its Pokémon, just X 2! Nostalgia

encountered normally with the hidden abilities. Th e type of Pokémon present is calculated from the friends you’ve added.

For people of our generation, it is likely that we grew up with Pokémon in one way or another. You could have played Pokémon when you were young, and then stopped. Or, you could have been playing Pokémon while growing up. Game Freak intends to capitalise on that aspect of nostalgia one way or another, and this game has plenty of nostalgic elements. Pokémon Black and White tried to invoke nostalgia by making everything NINTENDO new, so that you could relive the up to fi ve Pokémon at once in Horde moments when you picked up the Th e game does have its own quirky this generation, and I am eager to see All of these changes will serve to make Encounters. Personally, I fi nd these fi rst Pokémon Red and Blue games moments. Th ere are derpy characters how this changes competitive battling. competitive battling more accessible encounters to be extremely annoying, for the fi rst time. Th e locations in that that think out loud, and literally give Mega-evolution is the next biggest to newcomers, and will hopefully although they come with the perk game were entirely new, and none of away their passwords after you defeat change in mechanics. Some Pokémon encourage more players to take part. that the hordes have a high chance of the familiar Pokémon appeared until them. One of your friends can mention are now able to temporarily mega- In addition to the “Super Training” having their hidden abilities. you’ve beaten the game. that she has never seen fi reworks evolve into an ever stronger stage mini-game, there is also the Pokémon- Pokémon X and Y intends to do so alone with a boy before, and then during a battle. Th ey might get new Amie mini game that allows you to Multiplayer in the opposite manner by giving you someone comes up to give the both of abilities, or even change their types. literally play with your Pokémon by everything that was familiar. Pokémon you the Protect TM right after. Some Th is comes at the cost of having stroking them and feeding them. Th is Connectivity introduced in the older generations of the characters want to thank you by to hold a certain item in order to raises their “aff ection” level which can are a constant fi xture in the game, battling you. Game Freak also seems mega-evolve. At the time of writing, lead to boosted experience games, and and are absolutely abundant. You to have a weird interpretation of the not all of the mega-evolutions have increased accuracy, critical hit ratio, Th e Pokémon series of games has could literally catch a Pikachu an hour French culture — there seems to be an been discovered. It also remains to and evasion rates during battles. always been about connectivity. into the game. Th e fi rst forest you overabundance of cafés. Th ere is no be seen how this would change the Pokémon X and Y introduces a Starting in Pokémon Diamond encounter has the exact same layout end of positive reinforcement in the competitive landscape. known total of 69 new Pokémon, and Pearl, Nintendo has gradually as the Viridian Forest in the original game. You are constantly rewarded Game Freak has also tried to reduce bringing the entire tally to a whopping embraced the internet to allow for Pokémon Red and Blue games. for talking to NPCs by getting items. the level of grind in the game, one of 718. While the number of new remote connectivity. Pokémon X and It works. Th ere have been numerous You are constantly told that you are on the greatest complaints. With the new Pokémon may pale in comparison with Y brings about the fruition of all the reports of people on the internet your way to greatness. Exp Share item that grants 50% of the the previous generation, it should not work in the interleaving games in the getting back into the game after not experience to all the Pokémon who detract from the gameplay experience. form of the “Player Search System” having played Pokémon for years in Gameplay did not take part in battles, it is now Th e variety of wild Pokémon you can (PSS). the interleaving period, so much so extremely easy to level up, although encounter is simply astounding. By the Th e PSS makes it really easy to that Nintendo announced 4 million Mechanics this could make the game feel too second badge, I had already captured interact with other players on the copies of the games being sold over easy. In fact, by the eighth gym, my at least 60 unique species, and I was internet. When connected to the the release weekend. Pokémon is Th is is the part of the games that I team was 15 levels ahead of the gym constantly running out of money to internet, the PSS will constantly huge, and I really hope this helps to am most passionate about, especially leader. Capturing wild Pokémons buy more Pokéballs with. Who knows, show you “passerbys”, essentially boost the fl edgling 3DS ecosystem. when trying to explain to people now also gives experience. Training it might be possible to catch’em all! other players who are connected to why I still play Pokémon games. For of eff ort values (EV) has also been Th ere are also some additional new the PSS, although they are not really the avoidance of doubt, I would like made easier. Th ere is a new “Super minor features. For example, it is now passing by when they are in places like Final Words to iterate that Pokémon games are Training” mini-game that allows you possible to ride some Pokémon to Tokyo! In this way, random strangers not just for kids — they have great to boost the desired EV. Breeding has traverse harsh terrains. You could also can challenge you to a battle, or even Pokémon Black and White and gameplay mechanics which make also seen its fair share of changes by have a “sky battle” with certain “sky perform a trade. Th e same goes for their sequels were one of my favourite competitive battling really fun. If you making it easier to pass on abilities trainers” that only Pokémon who have friends whom you’ve added to your games from the series. Th ey broke are not familiar with the mechanics, (including hidden ones), moves, and some semblance of fl ight abilities can friend list. Th e only complaint about new grounds in terms of mechanics this section might not make much even Individual Values from parents. participate in. You can also encounter this system is the lack of text chat. You changes, and really brought me into sense to you. could only do voice chat, or nothing. like the games again. Pokémon X and Pokémon X and Y introduce many Wonder Trade is one of the nicest Y seems to want to do the same for welcome changes to the gameplay feature of the PSS. Essentially, it’s an even wider audience, newcomers, mechanics, the eff ects of which a gambling game where you trade veterans and even people who have remain to be seen once the community something in return for something stopped playing the games. It is an gets more familiar with the games and random decided by the system. extremely well-refi ned experience, starts competing. Although rife with trashy Pokémon, aside from some minor complaints.. For the fi rst time in the 14 years online communities have taken to It feels fresh, and is a very modern since the original release of Pokémon “cleansing” the wonder trade system Pokémon game, complete with the Gold and Silver, a new type has been by putting in really rare Pokémon, multiplayer connectivity. introduced: Fairy. Fairy is introduced including shiny Pokémon, Pokémon If you have ever been remotely in order to bring balance to the game that are highly sought for, and even interested in Pokémon before, you by being super-eff ective against and Pokémon infected with the elusive should give it a try. Maybe you’ll like immune to the Dragon type. It is Pokérus. it and fi nd yourself reminiscing about also weak to Poison type, which has Finally, there is a “Friend Safari” your younger self playing your fi rst been really underused so far. Th is is which allows you to capture really Pokémon game. probably the most exciting change in YO, CHICKS BE CHECKING OUT MY YOLOSWAG!!! YONG WEN CHUA/NINTENDO rare Pokémons that cannot be 30 FRIDAY 25 OCT

Editor: Carol Ann Cheah, Michael Yat Kit Chung FOOD [email protected] Feed Yourself, Not Your Bin

GETTY IMAGES

of £12 billion a year for its eff ect to another reminder of how much money Michael Chung environment and wastes resources. we spent on food that we did not eat. Food Editor A report released by the Institution of Mechanical Engineers have found Felix Foodʼs up to 30% of the UK’s vegetable crop What can you do? ow much food do we is never harvested purely for cosmetic throw away? Well, a reasons. Th ese are the marketing Remember the tips we gave you a Food Revival Top Tips quick survey in the EEE policies many supermarkets adopt to few issues back on smart supermarket Level 5 labs shows that meet consumer expectations: rejecting shopping. All of them will still be valid as students, we try to edible fruit and vegetables at the farm in reducing food waste - at the end of Heat everything we buy in our shop. because of its physical characteristics, the day, buy less, waste less and save 1. For bread that has gone hard, dampen Unfortunately students only make up such as size and appearance. money! Writing a list and making about 4% of the UK population, and a meal plan will help you make the the outside of the loaf with a bit of water Tesco has revealed earlier this week most of the food you buy and not in and pop it in the oven for 10 mins at around that it generated almost 30,000 tonnes excess if you know you will be going o of food waste in the fi rst 6 month of How about Imperial? out with friends for the evening. 180 C. This also works for limp biscuits! 2013. Just to put that into perspective, If you have yet to fi nd a food shopping But just 5 mins will do. that is just over 1500 new Boris buses Th ere are around 22,000 students buddy, then you can still make the full of passengers, each eating 2 and staff at Imperial, and collectively most of the off ers without wasting. Weetabix biscuits and drinking a litre we consume a lot of food every day, Just make sure it says suitable for 2. To keep lettuce fresh, separate the leaves of milk. but do we eat it all? Th e College has freezing and quite often the shelf life Th ese fi gures were based on been separating food waste from Taste can be increased to around 1 month. and store them in a bowl of water in the information collected from the chain’s Imperial outlets at South Kensington Try to have fresh vegetables and supermarkets, distribution centres, and composting it on site instead of fruit that are in season. For example, fridge. Replace the water every few days. suppliers and producers. With over sending it to landfi ll. Its data shows runner beans and blackberries are in 3000 stores in the UK, Tesco suggested that the compost processes nearly 2 their prime season now and you can that the two highest categories are tonnes of food waste a week, which introduce them to your diet and make 3. Bought too many sausages for your bakery and fruit and vegetables. In includes unsold leftovers and food left it more interesting! Make some dessert weekend fry up? Use it in a stir fry! particular, 40% of apples and 68% on the plate. Th is is quite a staggering with blackberries for your weekend of salad sold in bags was wasted. amount, bearing in mind this does not treat or even have runner beans In response to this, Tesco has include food binned in departments. instead of chips with your burger. 4. Chop up bananas that are about to go announced that it will end multi- How about in halls? Since 2008, And if you bought too much, you can buy deals on large bags of salad, the College has been running the always freeze it and use it for next time! off and freeze them - this will make a very removing “display until” dates from Student Hall Reuse Scheme. Th e If you are passionate about the topic nice revision treat! fresh fruit and vegetables, using scheme aims to donate or recycling and want to work with the College smaller delivery cases and rearranging items left behind in halls that would to decrease food waste and promote the bakery display to reduce the otherwise be sent to landfi ll. In 2012, sustainability, Imperial Hub and the amount of bread sold in store. an audit was conducted in the student Energy and Sustainbility Department 5. Too much cheese? Grate and freeze it Th e UK government estimates kitchens and it was identifi ed that of College will be launching this so you can put it straight into pasta sauces that 7.2 million tonnes of food and with a refi nement to the system an year’s StepChange campaign in a drink were thrown away from homes extra £7000 of food left behind and few weeks. You can now register or even lasagnes. every year, of which the majority can fi t for reuse, which could be donated to be a Stepchange ambassador on still be eaten. Th is comes to a cost to causes such as FoodCycle. Th at is imperialhub.org/stepchange. Halloween Party ACC and

imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on 32 FRIDAY 25 OCT CLUBS & SOCS

Malala To the Power of Ten:

Ben Fernando Charity Week is back! Charity Editor Jawaad Farooq & Hazem El-Turk ALALA YOUSAFZAI is without a doubt the Charity Week offi cially starts this Saturday tens of thousands of children (leading the events and dates, fi nd us on Twitter for Mhottest name in International Development 26th, it’s a week that will leave you with UN to declare it as the ‘worst humanitarian regular updates, and don’t forget to buy your at the moment. Nominated for the Nobel Peace some of your fondest memories of your crisis of the century’), psychological and tickets for the Dinner at the union website! Prize at the age of 16 and named as one of the time at Imperial, as well as many lifelong educational support worth £74,400 was Contact Sarim to see how you can get 100 most infl uential people in the World this friendships. duly allocated here. And these are just involved ([email protected]). year. So I went along to a talk she was doing at It really says it all in the name. Charity two examples. Orphan sponsorship and the Southbank Centre to fi nd out more about her Week (CW) is a week of student led non-stop healthcare initiatives were also established work, not only out of curiosity but also because action to help raise money for orphans and in many other countries, including Kosovo, “£154,500 I suspected that she had a few tips for those of needy children worldwide. Th is campaign is Sri Lanka, Afghanistan, China and Pakistan. us like me who are very interested in helping organised by the Islamic Society (ISoc) and But that was 2012. Th is is 2013. was therefore developing countries, but are often without the is conducted in partnership with the UK So what’s on? Street/ tube collections, platform to do so. based charity Islamic relief, a global disaster a ‘Battle of the Societies’ Quiz Night (get allocated to relief charity that is part of the national DEC your teams in before Sunday!), ‘Mid-week She arrived on the stage as a small and (Disasters Emergency Committee). Madness’ sponsorship night, mountain rebuilding six unimposing fi gure, in stark contrast to the In 2012, we the students at Imperial climbing, bungee jumping, cycle riding, fl amboyant and verbose question master who managed to raise a humongous £47,478, all assault courses and sky diving. Th e annual schools in that preceded her. As the questioner chatted away, with your help! Th is was more than 10% of ‘Smoky not Smudgy’ women’s pampering she quietly adjusted her headscarf until the time the national total (over 100 institutions!), day is also back, promising to be bigger and region, which came to respond to a question about how she got who raised a collective £448,401! better this year. All of this, plus much more! involved in her cause and why it was so important. So where exactly did the money go last year? Th e highlight of the week will be the Charity enabled the Firstly, the decision was made collectively by Dinner on Th ursday 31st October, held in Malala’s response began with a quick explanation us – the students. In 2012, it was estimated the prestigious Porchester Hall this year, educating of over of why she thought that it was so important to that 62,576 children in the Gaza Strip had which will have many inspiring speakers educate the uneducated children, especially their futures reduced to literal rubble with attending, as well as our legendary charity 4,500 children, girls, all over the world. Th e UN set as one of its damage to schools there. £154,500 was auction (which can see cakes go for over Millennium Development Goals the promise that therefore allocated to rebuilding six schools £1,000!). who can now all children would have the right to an education. in that region, which enabled the educating So come and join us, sponsor an event, In this respect they have utterly failed, with over of over 4,500 children, who can now look volunteer at a stall, run 5k for charity or test look forward to 50 million children worldwide still without the forward to brighter futures. Furthermore, your wits in a sky dive! Check out the offi cial most basic standards of primary education. She with the Syrian civil war taking its toll on Imperial Charity Week Facebook page for brighter futures.” challenged this failure, bringing out a key point that others either choose to ignore or bury under strange statistics. For this, the audience could not help but admire her courage, demonstrated by the frequent applause. The Imperial Series Her solution was that instead of trying to fi nd a way around the cultural sensitivities from the outside, as the UN does, that we should try and encourage people like her to change the cultural sensitivities from within. Although it would have Hannah Janebdar been scandalous for an outsider to suggest that Writer there are outdated views in the world that need to be done away with, I found that her suggestion was really something that I had felt for a long time, and I suspect I am not alone in that opinion. his year Imperial Hub is hosting Her fi nal point came to discussing how we in an exciting fortnightly series of the West who wanted to make diff erence could. interactive talks kicking off on On this point she made mention of what we might the 31st of October at 6:00pm in term the ‘haters’ – people who are opposed to Huxley LT 144 with an insight development of the third world, people that those Tinto the very big issue of Social Isolation in of us involved in not-for-profi t work are all too London and ways of combatting it. With familiar with. I have often wondered how to deal our much awaited talk on Humanitarian Aid with them, as at times it often seems too much in Syria by Louay El-Adeb from Syria Relief to put up with. Her acceptance of their opinions taking place on November 7th. and their refusal to believe her story or support Londoners are infamous for their cold her work and to not let it get to her were rather indiff erence but social isolation in London amazing, especially given how much she’s gone is even more prevalent than commonly through. perceived and isn’t just an affl iction of the elderly, it aff ects a wealth of diff erent Going from the local to the global, in discussion. By the end of the hour I was really quite amazed people including students. Helping tackle true Hub style, the second talk of Th e at what I had heard. I went in to the hall expecting loneliness and social isolation therefore Series is from Imperial Hub’s International Th e Series is here to promote student a slightly media-hyped girl with an interesting is one of the aims of Imperial Hub’s Local Development Committee, focusing on awareness of current social, ethical and story who had done some good work, and came Action Committee who have organised humanitarian aid in Syria, a country in environmental issues across Imperial Hub’s out amazed at how passionately and well she the fi rst event in Th e Series’ line up. Th e the midst of one of its most trying times seven action branches. For any student delivered her points. It will be interesting to see workshop will inform students of the issue in history. Th e talk will be given by Syria who has ever wanted to know more or do how things progress, and whether she manages and the projects that already exist within Relief’s Louay El Adeb who will provide more to make a positive social impact and to follow through on her promises to make a and without the college to combat social an insight into the key issues on the topic help shape a better world, Th e Series is the diff erence. isolation. before opening the fl oor to questions for perfect springboard. FRIDAY 25 OCT 33

@feliximperial FelixImperial PUZZLES

nickwp 8.5 FUCWIT Crossword Clues Jia Choo 7 Quick: Yufan Zhao 6 League Sudoku Helix 5 Each row, column, and 3 x 3 box must contain all the numbers from 1 Scoring Across Gabriel Quek 4 to 9. Thatʼs all. Enjoy... Puzzles in by Tues.: 1 point 1. Uni accommodation facing closure last year Emma McFadden 2 Puzzles in by Thurs.: 0.5 point 6. Behaves Adam Stewart 2 Graded scoring for difficult cross- 10. Chief Harder: Juliette Chupin 1 words, even if incomplete. 11. Tour is t 12. Type of exam 14. Current affairs publication Crossword by Paul G. 16. Person employed to clean chimneys 18. Type of Japanese food 19. Large spider 20. Regarding medication 24. An opening into a body cavity 25. Believer in government by the rich or power- ful 26. Simple 27. Person from London, Hampshire or Cornwall, perhaps

Down 1. Long deep wound 2. Ecstatic 3. Messages sent via the Internet 4. Imprint left by an ungulate 5. Carpenterʼs carving machine 7. Italian island 8. Film script 9. Responding to visible electromagnetic radia- tion 13. Character from Greek mythology 15. Choppy, unstable or swirling 17. Instruction, learning Killer: 21. Otherwise known as 22. Ideology No clues! Instead, the numbers in each cage must add up to the 23. Mix with a spoon number in the top left. Numbers cannot be repeated in a cage. Tips: The numbers in each box, row and column must add up to 45 Nonogram Cryptic: Look for cages with only one possible combination e.g. a two wide cage total 3 must contain 1 and 2 . The lengths of runs of shaded squares in each row and each Across column are given. Squares can only be shaded or unshad- 1. Residenceʼs storage for car, half shed, room ed. Solve the puzzle to unveil a pretty picture. for hobbies, and passage 6. Book of the Bible (Numbers) 10. Leader corrected Euro MPs 11. Holiday-makerʼs one who undresses when first bit of sun comes out 12. Omitting the last letter, I compile the clue badly as a test 14. Drug company has no spray for financial expert 16. Brush-off? Sallyʼs beginning to cry 18. Student unionʼs greeting rice dish 19. Creepy-crawly: Laura and Nat going to pieces over time 20. Messy cephalic trauma (drug-related) 24. Otherwise providing frozen water hole 25. Feeling superior about titles one held 26. Light piece of cake 27. Texan (say) within sorts out her nerves

Down 1. Possibly helium-hydrogen split 2. Wild roar put us over the moon 3. Arranged cinematic role in the Spanish online communication 4. Clue surrounding unusual proof shows horse was here Last Week’s Solutions 5. Machine for shaping French and English We apologize articles for the errors in 7. Hat, red/indigo tops, and some kind of pants the crossword 8. Script show (drama) last week. but 9. Televising this awful film is like this cracking on, 13. Essentially, call mythological woman here are the right 15. Rowdy, crazy nutter grabbing horned beast, solutions. almost 17. Cautioned over teaching 21. Name (artificial) I assume as cover 22. Head of church to revisit belief system 23. Commotion starts to strengthen, terminating in riot 34 FRIDAY 25 OCT

HANGMAN [email protected]

This Week In The Past EDITORIAL-ESE

energy production, but in all areas of we, as a nation, could contribute so our lives. much more to the advancement of The Historian The Hangman humanity if only we put aside our Hangman Contributor Most of our lives consist of random, diff erences, and contributed to the Hangman Editor uncoordinated actions. With the latest fi ve year plan. directed investment of the People’s Republic, this time could be spent Only with the continued and sustained 2012 - BBC closes its last Ceefax page meaning buying up American bonds or investment from the Chinese state can the world no longer has access to instantaneous, inkley, Somerset - As the bringing Taiwan back into the fold. this country hope to stand on its own rolling 24 hour news and sport. government announces two feet. that the Chinese state Just think, have you not always hated is to have a signifi cant the Dalai Lama and everything he So, crack out your Yuan, get rid of investment in a new stands for? Couldn’t you do without your spare children and move to the 1999 - Maurice Papon, French Nazi collaborator Hgeneration of nuclear power stations, Japan? nearest city. We can’t go on like this, is jailed a mere 44 years after he actively sought this editor believes that China should but, thankfully, they’ll cut our defi cit, out and deported French Jews. It later emerges not only have a large stake in our Indeed, this humble writer believes so we don’t have to. that this is the fastest the French judicial system can operate and that, therefore, this is totally OK. DP Too Kind Ashes To Ashes, Imperial In The “Think you can calculate 80s: Those Were The Days... horoscope? The Hangman 1964 -Jean-Paul Sartre rejects the Nobel Prize in Email Hangman Editor Literature stating that he feels he is undeserving hangman. and that it should be awarded to Hangman - a felix@imperial. he Union intends to “real quality writer”. ac.uk and give redevelop the West it a go!” Basement of Beit Quad, home to many clubs and societies, including Jazz and 1946 - Th e UN holds its fi rst General Assembly. TRock, Sci-Fi Library, and our beloved Th is clashes awkwardly with the fi rst post-war Hangman [Felix]. Th is would see meeting of the League of Nations to which only many societies moved to make space Canada turns up. for other clubs. Th e most diffi cult, of course, the Table Football Society.

In a shocking twist worthy of M 1811 - Argentina declares freedom of the press. Night Shymalan himself, the Deputy Morons, now I can write whatever the hell I President (Financial Services) off ered like about Argentina. What a terrible place, full to host the society in his own offi ce. of terrible people. Also, Lionel Messi - what a In a statement issued this morning, tosser. he said, “Of course they can have my space! It’s a great little room, the door locks, and you can probably fi t two decent-sized tables in there. 1790 - Th e Ruskis set up a colony in Alaska. I mean, really, what do I need an offi ce How fucking original Russia. Th e whole fucking for? Th ere is no reason I can’t just sit in world available and you pick the only fucking the bar on a laptop. Seriously, I spend piece of cold wasteland left. “Want to infl ct most of my time in meetings or the bar your lack of anyway. I’m literally never in my offi ce.” literary skill upon the Our reporter Tim McSweeney asked 1066 - William I wins the Battle of Hastings. world?” Email the DP whether he was serious: Th is certainly explains your fl uency in French hangman. “Sure, why not? Th ey’re not a real club this week. Th ose regicidal desires, however, are felix@imperial. anyway. I was just using them as an all your own. You sick bastard. ac.uk and give excuse to set up a Sabbs-only sauna. it a go!” So when do we start recording this?” Imperial College Remembers Sabrina

everyone reading this has fond growing up. You know, one slightly The Hangman memories of coming home from serious and one fun aunt, although Hangman Editor school, sitting down in front of both of them could go crazy for a CITV, and watching Sabrina fi nd good-looking guy. Remember when out that its not easy growing up – they all made their own artifi cial men, cross the entire even if you do have magical powers. and they made a hunky fi reman that College, hundreds of only wants to drink milk? Oh my sides. students are continuing Even with the entire internet going to relive the 1990’s crazy for cats, it still amazes Hangman So what are you waiting for? Get by remembering that that people don’t constantly talk online and stream it! Or, you know, SabrinaA the Teenage Witch was a about Salem, the wise-cracking cat. pay for it. Hell, get it on VHS for television program. After reading Well, to be perfectly accurate, he’s that REAL nostalgia. Because if this a nostalgic article in a student a witch that was turned into a cat, generation is good at anything, it’s Yeah sure, you may have beautiful views Argentina, but you canʼt fucking grow crops on a glacier. What newspaper, students raced home but you all remembered that, right? reliving 90’s pop culture. In fact, a stupid country. Picure credit: destination360.com to stream the fi rst series online. while you’re at it, crack out the Game I think we all wish that we had aunts Boy Color; whack some Spice Girls And who can blame them? I’m sure like Hilda and Zelda when we were on the CD player and just go nuts. FRIDAY 25 OCT 35

@feliximperial

FelixImperial HANGMAN

Unconvincing Sign Badgers Outwit the turnip Humans Once Deters Only Most Again Hangman’s Finest College News Source “Fucking Crafty” say Cowardly Thieves Cullers Prince Harry Visits Imperial Solves All Research Problems

s Prince Harry visited Imperial — taking in the sights and opening This insiduous badgerʼs disguised himself as horse. Are there no depths to the brand new Blast which they will not sink? Centre — the Royal alsoA found time to provide useful ollowing the failure of pointers and/or completely solve Prince provides the solution to one the badger culls to kill the research problems faced by the of the Millenium Prizes Picture Credit: the numbers intended, ICpictures majority of Imperial academics. the Department for . should give you a defi nite answer one Environment Food & Rural Whilst perusing a selection of works way or the other”. FAff airs was forced to admit it had been from the Mathematics Department, outwitted by the crafty omnivores. the fourth in line to the throne was able As he scanned over a presentation “We just can’t seem to get the upper to take in the complex computations, given by the Physics Department, the hand over them” a spokesperson said lean over to the researcher in question Royal Airforce Captain managed to “they’re just too wily”. and state “the answer’s three”. scribble a quick solution as to why gravity is such a weak force. At press time, Hangman understands His contribution, however, was not that Defra has employed the services limited to maths . Th e Prince was also Unfortunately, the Prince was of MI5 to attempt to gain a crucial able to point the way for several life unable to help the Aeronautics team advantage over the black and white sciences researchers. understand how the fuck it is planes mammals. However, security services fl y “It’s fucking crazy” Harry stated suspect the badgers have already “Have you tried a viral transfection?” before adding “these objects are really anticipated this move and relocated Harry asked one biologist., before fucking heavy and yet they can just ther headquarters appropriately. Th e questioning one biochemist “what fl oat there like some kind of cloud?” war continues. about deaminating that shit — that “WTF?” CANCER GEMINI TAURUS VIRGO ARIES LEO

After three unsuccessful Even after you spent You’re laughing at the poor This morning, you fi nd the Another successive week You go to Paper Tiger for weeks, you offi cially stop ages telling your friends quality of these horoscopes phone number of that girl of low grades makes the fi rst time and slip on trying to pull at FemSoc hundreds of anecdotes but then you remember that you met in freshers week. you realise that you are a puddle of fl oor grease. meetings, and you move on about Come Dine With you edit the failing Imperial Unfortunately, she’s been probably not going to You then have to miss 2 to trying your luck on the 4th Me, none of them wanted Tab and you shut right up. dating your roommate graduate in the same weeks of Rugby training, fl oor of the library. to come to your dinner because you didn’t call. year as your girlfriend, which actually partially party. and she will meet a restores your liver much better guy at the function. graduation reception. CAPRICORN AQUARIUS SAGITTARIUS SCORPIO PISCES LIBRA

You will enjoy hearing Your boyfriend asks you to You fi nally work up the You run into your You’re editing your After overhearing your about everyone’s plans dress as a sexy cheerleader courage to answer a estranged father at a student newspaper two crush mention that he for Halloween, while you for Halloween, but he won’t question in a lecture, only strip club. You excitedly hours before the deadline loves magic, you spend secretly decide which dress as a sexy elephant for to say it in a totally different work out what you’ll say and you haven’t done the weeks learning a few season of game of thrones you. You leave the party with language that makes to him, as soon as he horoscopes, so you have tricks and then head to his you will be masturbating to another man and don’t look everyone laugh and point. fi nishes his set. to call your former lover fl at, only to walk in on him that night. back. Psychic Ron to get you playing a 4 hour game of out of a bind Magic the Gathering. Ouch. 36 FRIDAY 25 OCT

Editors: VACANT CAREERS [email protected] Postgraduate Study: Is it for you?

experience, as well as a short research for each institution. Th ere are a few time. Whether you are a UK, EU Careers Service project across the summer months exceptions to this and these tend to or international student fi nding Imperial College usually submitted in September. be in very vocational areas such as funding for postgraduate study is a Th ese yearlong courses can provide PGCE for teaching and Graduate complex process. When researching an opportunity to deepen and focus Diploma courses in Law where you possible courses you should also be very year, approximately your subject knowledge in an area of apply through a clearing system asking questions about availability of 30% of Imperial College interest from your current degree or similar to UCAS. Choosing research funding. Are there research council undergraduates go on to to change direction by studying a new degrees requires even more thought grants available, industry funded further study, so we know it’s subject of interest, possibly vocational and it will really help to discuss your scholarships, university scholarships? a popular option. But what or career-related. Entry onto a Masters research ideas with your department. How many participants have to self- Edo you need to know and how do you is sometimes possible with a 2:2 class Your academic contacts will have ideas fund? In the instance of research make the best choice of course and of degree depending on where you about how to develop your research council funding you need to check out institution? apply but a 2:1 is commonly required proposal and information about the prerequisites and the time scales, so you will need to research the entry which research groups and university often RCUK funded places require Let’s look at the basics. Th e fi rst requirements for each course. departments specialise in your subject. earlier application deadlines. If you are question you need to ask yourself is Th ey may also be able to provide some considering self-funding you may also what is your long term goal, and how Research courses include MRes introductions for you to do some early need to check if studying part time is will further study help you achieve (usually one year) or PhD (three to networking or engage in some mini an option allowing you time to also this. In all cases further study will four years). Th ese courses are research research experiences. If your fi nal year work to pay the bills. It is important take time and in many cases it will also based and so as part of your application undergraduate project is connected to to shop around when thinking about take money so you need to be clear up process you may be asked to include a the area you think you might like to self-funded further study. Universities front on what you expect to gain. It research proposal outlining you area study at PhD then use the opportunity charge diff ering fees particularly at could be that the career area you hope of interest and relating this to the to set up some links at Imperial and Masters level so investigate widely to to go into has a requirement of some research specialisms in the department further afi eld through your project. get the best deal. Europe might be kind of further qualifi cation such a you are applying to. Th ere are some IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON an option as increasingly European PGCE for teaching or it might be that aspects you need to consider carefully If you are considering applying for universities are teaching in English you hope to become more specialised before embarking on a research courses outside the UK you also need and often have surprisingly low tuition which may open up certain areas of degree. Unlike your undergraduate your fi rst degree and in some instances to fi nd out about additional tests, fees. work. Either way it is important to course your progress through a it will be expected that you complete a exams and application deadlines. For weigh up to pros and cons and check research degree is much more self- separate MSc or MRes before applying instance applicants for postgraduate Further information on applying for that your expectations are realistic. driven. Before choosing for this option to a PhD. It is not unusual now to fi nd study in the USA have to complete an further study and funding can be found Most courses publish information on you need to think through your level a ‘one plus three’ structure where you appropriate admissions test depending at www3.imperial.ac.uk/careers/ug/ outcomes for their graduates so look of motivation, your persistence and apply for both Masters and PhD and on the subject of study such as the consideringfurtherstudy carefully to see if people are going on resilience. To be successful you really on successful completion of the one GMAT, GRE General, GRE Subject to the types of work you hope to follow. need to enjoy your subject area, you year Masters you continue on to a PhD. and MCAT. It is also important to Finally, start your planning early. What type of course is best - Masters will be immersed in this for the next understand not just the application Talk to PhDs and Post Docs in your or PhD or perhaps a better question three to four years. You should also Th e application process can be process but also the structure of department. Build up a realistic initially is taught course or research have the strength to push yourself confusing. It takes time to properly courses, for instance in the USA it is picture of what is going to be involved, course? and the determination to overcome research postgraduate study and not unusual to take 8 to 9 years to gain the excitement as well as the challenges setbacks. You will have a supervisor unlike your undergraduate application a PhD. Details on how to apply for and remember that you can arrange MSc and MA courses are normally one to support you but without strong there is normally no limit on the study in the USA can be found via the to meet with one of the Careers calendar year in length and take the motivation you will fi nd the process number of Masters or PhD courses Fulbright website at fulbright.org.uk Consultant team to discuss your form of a taught period from October of a PhD diffi cult. In most cases you you can apply for. You will need to further study ideas and for support to May, so very like you undergraduate should expect to gain a 1st or a 2:1 in complete separate applications forms Finding the funding can also take with the application process. What’s On at the Careers Service this week?

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

Workshop Workshop Workshop Workshop Seminar Group Mock Interview Preparing For Assessment Preparing For Assessment Preparing for Assessment Create a Winning CV 12:30 – 14:00 Centres - Group Activities Centres - Presentation Skills Centres – In-Tray / E-tray 16:15 – 17:15 (Apply via Jobs Live) 12:30 – 14:00 12:30 – 14:00 Exercises (Apply via Jobs Live) (Apply via Jobs Live) (Apply via Jobs Live) 12:30 – 14:00 Seminar (Apply via Jobs Live) Pop-up CV Check Eff ective Applications Seminar Seminar @ Queen’s Tower Rooms 16:15 – 17:15 Create a Winning CV Interview Seminar Seminar 12:45 – 13:45 (Apply via Jobs Live) 16:15 – 17:15 16:15 – 17:15 Assessment Centres Seminar Just turn up with a paper copy (Apply via Jobs Live) (Apply via Jobs Live) 16:15 – 17:15 of your CV! (First-come fi rst- Pop-up CV Check (Apply via Jobs Live) served) @ Junior Common Room Lunchtime Careers Talk Employer-Led Skills Workshop 12:45 – 13:45 Careers in the Oil Industry CV & Interview Skills Lunchtime Careers Talk Just turn up with a paper copy 13:00 – 13:50 Workshop (Morgan Stanley) Start Your Graduate Career of your CV! (First-come fi rst- (Apply via Jobs Live) 13:30 – 15:30 as an ICAEW Chartered served) Book in person at Careers Accountant Service - £10 deposit required 13:00 – 13:50 (correct change only) (Apply via Jobs Live)

Careers Sector Forum (Science) 18:30 – 21:00 (JobsLive) FRIDAY 25 OCT 37

@feliximperial

FelixImperial SPORT

Imperial Recover From Draw to Thump Medics

Omar Amjad gives his account as Imperialʼs 1st XI show fi ne early season form.

t’s back. Children have been seen so enthralled him. A rousing speech fi nished header. Suddenly we were 1-0 score. Murphy had a few cracks on Imperial’s strong showing proved that running around schoolyards by Robinson left the team weeping in down. Imperial were slightly defl ated, goal, including a tantalisingly close we are a force to be reckoned with in in their new ‘Murphy’ jerseys. tears at its Chaucer-esque brilliance, and the match became much more opportunity almost latching on to a this league and, to quote what Chris Indeed even some with ‘Diaz with some calling for its addition to balanced. Th e half continued fairly long ball one-on-one with the keeper. Nielsen heard from the opposition Rios’ on their backs, showing the 14th century masterpiece that is uneventfully, typical mesmerizing Th en, fi nally, we equalised. Th ere is in the showers, we’ll ‘be up there at Ihow the silkily skilled Spanish wonder Th e Canterbury Tales. After that, we runs by Murphy and Dale aside. disagreement over the nature of the the end of the season’. Th ese kind kid has already endeared himself to the played football. Defensively, the team was solid and goal. One person claims to have made words were despite the acrimonious Imperial fan base. Women have been Th e fi rst twenty minutes was an largely unthreatened, and was led by a 60 yard marauding run from centre- relationship developed between the seen frenzied outside Harlington, exhibition of brilliance for Imperial. the brilliant play of (reluctant) centre- back shifting and turning like Ahmed sides during the game. Robinson and trying to catch a glimpse of or maybe Th e midfi elders Kola (can’t spell back Johnny Hill. Cherif before curling it delicately into Crawford were embroiled in some even touch the midfi eld hunks Alex his surname), Crawford and the Th e second half started well, the bottom of the net. Everyone else rather nasty name calling with one Dale and Tim ‘Smithy’ Beasley, though talismanic ‘Smithy’ controlled the overlapping runs from deep maintains the ball was fumbled around member of the opposition, including it must be mentioned that their most tempo of the game, off ering options supported by Nielsen and Nugent in the 6-yard box, before being laid off deep-cutting insults such as ‘you vociferous admirers seem to be each to the ever-present wingers Dale were dangerous and applied constant by Robinson to the aforementioned aren’t very good’ or ‘you’re ugly’. other’s mothers. Grown men have and Murphy. Th e full-backs Nugent pressure to the opposition’s defence. anonymous centre-back who stroked Indeed some eff eminate pushing and already told their wives that they are and Nielsen pushed up, and the A beautiful free kick whipped in it into the goal with what may have shoving was also observed. Man of the busy henceforth on both Wednesdays interplay between these seven was by Murphy found an anonymous been actually his fi rst touch. Despite match went to Hill for his tenacious and Saturdays; tackles from Hill and orgasmic; indeed some of the CCCU Imperial centre-back who ran from this controversy, the ball went over and controlling display, redemption goals from captain Robinson can’t be cheerleaders (you read right – there deep and headed it under the keeper the line and, to paraphrase Orwell, all after the red card he received missed. Finally, after the 6 tortuous were cheerleaders) were seen visibly and into the net. Th e cheers of joy at goals are created equal. against CCCU last year. (Completely months of absence, Imperial football weak at the knees, though that could having equalised were swiftly ended At 1-1 Imperial controlled the unsubstantiated) Rumour has it that is back. All is right in the world again. have been due to their proximity to by the piercing sound of the ref’s game, rarely looking under threat. Robinson is considering making Hill’s After Imperial 1s’ high-fl ying season Dale, whose name so amused the whistle calling for off side. Annoyance However, not enough pressure was move to centre-back permanent. (though most games were travelled opposing full-back marking him. caused more pressure to be mounted: mounted to score again, and Imperial Next was Saturday, where Imperial to by bus), media expectations were Imperial seemed fully in control, Robinson, hot off 4 goals in 20 had to make do with a draw. Th e pain faced their rivals, the Medics. high of the possibility of more success, enjoying the majority of possession, minutes in the pre-season mauling of of not winning a match we dominated Rivalries are meant for teams of equal although the team’s detractors would with the ball never seemingly never UCL 2s (see the coroner’s report last was off set by the joys of watching stature and hostile relationships. Th e be quick to point out that this is due leaving the opposition’s half. Th en week), had a series of half chances and German debutant Max ‘friends with game proved to have neither of the to Felix articles being written by disaster struck. A miscommunication caused more problems for the defence Marius’ do countless step overs, often prerequisites required to fulfi l the members of the team. However, having by Keeper Owen during a CCCU foray than they had encountered with basic with nobody close to him, sometimes defi nition of a rivalry, as the tone of been promoted to a new division and into our half allowed the opposition’s literacy tests, but frustratingly never even without the ball during the last the match was good natured and with the loss of both great players striker to nip in and score a well quite had a quality opportunity to 15 or so minutes of play. However, continued on page 38 >> and inappropriate and oddly-timed nudity from the locker room, there were legitimate questions as to how the squad would cope in the loftier echelons of university football. Th us far, those concerns appear unfounded. Last Wednesday, the team headed down to Canterbury to face CCCU, who had been relegated to our division recently, though their relegation to the bottom of university league tables happened a while ago. Avid readers of 1s match reports may remember the Odyssey that the team embarked on to reach Canterbury. Th is time, however, thanks to the skilled driving of Robinson and the swag-fi lled playlist provided by full-time DJ and part-time midfi elder John Crawford, we got there in a reasonable amount of time. Upon arrival in Canterbury, Robinson decided that we had made it in suffi cient time to enjoy the scenery, and took us for a pleasant drive through the fi elds of Kent. Whilst it was well-meant, it was eerily reminiscent of Jeepers Creepers II, and we were all glad when the cultural tour of Kent ended. Upon arrival at the muddy bog CCCU call their home (#fortressSwamp), the team readied themselves for a challenge. Th e cones were put out, and everyone concentrated on the task at hand. Even Murphy, our resident David Attenborough, was too excited to talk about or study the local fl ora and fauna, which had previously ICUAFC 38 FRIDAY 25 OCT

Editor: Kunal Wagle SPORT [email protected]

from page 37... the result (SPOILER ALERT) was Imperial 4th ‘s Put Six Past Greenwich emphatic; Imperial 1’s eased their way to a 5-0 win. Th us some might argue that there is no rivalry. Th e pitch was slippery (#rain #3G Julian Iacoponi describes the action as Imperial stroll to victory #FORTRESSH), limiting Imperial’s ability to play their patented tiki- taka brand of football as the ball fl ew with some key sweeper-keeper plays, from right-back Phil Gantner saw more reckless from the Greenwich around the pitch like Drosophilae on giving us the chance to fi nally capital- Dzeko again through on goal, only this SCAFFS, the fi nal whistle was blown, cocaine. To their credit, the Medics ise on our dominance at the other end, time to be horribly chopped down by only for us to fi nd that at least 2 of battled hard, fl ying into challenges with Smiles converting a swish team the opposition centre-half. Penalty our balls had been stolen, the other with courage and desire. Conversely, move with a swish fi nish to match. duty – supposedly captain Schön’s do- one having to be retrieved from the the line of the Hippocratic Oath A second quickly followed, coming main – was undertaken by the in-form SCAFFS possession at the end! We ‘I will prescribe regimens for the again from Smiles: the best fi nd in the goal-scoring centre-half in search for even had to share a changing room… good of my patients according to my Asian transfer market this summer. his brace. A horrifi c attempt at a pen- A post-match MacDonald’s ensured ability and my judgment and never Unfortunately the Greenwich keeper, alty ensued, followed only by a more maximum team bonding over a victo- do harm to anyone’ was broken who had up to this stage proved their horrifi c attempt at a parry from the ry that will serve as a confi dence boost countless times by dangerous late most sturdy player swiping away some keeper, followed again by yet poorer and set in motion a winning mentality challenges and unsolicited off ers to substantial shots, was completely at following in by the Greenwich de- in this burgeoning and talented squad provide prescription drugs at ‘great fault managing to fumble a slow chip- fence, followed by the yet-worse shin- of players. Peace out and Forza Fours! prices.’ Imperial were slow to start, shot-cum-pass back into his own net. pad fi nish from Dzeko himself which but confi dence exuded from the back, Two goals up and the tone of the saw the ball dribble into the side net- Greenwich 0-6 Imperial College with new keeper Michael barking ICUAFC match set fi rm, the Greenwich fan ting off another feeble attempted save orders with the dulcet tones only a boys started to chirp up – one even from the keeper. Th is goal put our vic- Goals: Smiles Chrisanta x 2, Henry Norwegian can muster. Th ough called On the morning of the 16th October tried to bribe the Ref with a pint! But tory beyond doubt, but in truth, foot- Rowett, Sam Duffi eld x 2, Marcello upon rarely, he made some big saves 2013, Th e Force (a.k.a Th e 4s) readied our footballing prowess quietened ball was the loser here. Valerio and had a fantastic debut for the themselves for D-Day, landing on the their rowdy hype. Half time was blown From then on, the Force divided and club. Steadily Imperial 1s began to shores of the Th ames for the opening — at a very abrupt time of 30 minutes conquered the game, with the last of look sharper. Finally the deadlock was match of the season: Greenwich away. — with the game perfectly poised. the goals coming from Marcello Vale- broken. A cross from the right found After a 12:00 meet at the “Sir Alex Would the mighty Force push on for a rio slotting away a composed fi nish to Murphy inside the corner of the box, Ferguson” building, we bundled in convincing victory? Or was it going to round off a comfortable win. who using his spidey-sense noticed for the short minibus journey 16 prove to be a game of 2 thirds? Noticeable eff ort was shown from the keeper rushing out towards him, miles across London for our fi rst lo- Th ough the match was fairly Schön and Rowett in midfi eld: the and duly controlled the ball and fl icked cal derby. 2 bustlingly bumpy hours matched in the fi rst period, Green- latter of who, despite the 5 goal sur- an aerial square ball to Robinson who later (at a startling average speed of wich proved no match for our match- plus at the time, devoted a devastating headed it over a defender and in from 8mph) we arrived. Traffi c-wearied, we box-loving Imperial 4s in the second. crunch of a tackle to the opposition just inside the box to score a goal stumbled into the changing rooms: Swapping on Naveen Ghulam for player, so eager was he not to lose any some are calling a frontrunner for the horns and beeps and scorns and the successful Smiles, some stellar 50:50 challenges that day. Ankles are goal of the season. It was downhill squeaks of the grizzly London traffi c wing play led to several corners and a small price to pay for unwavering for the Medics after that, as goals still hazing our minds, still disgruntled headed chances for that crucial 3-goal commitment. fell like dominoes. A free kick some at the irony of a fi re brigade holding cushion/pillow/beanbag/sofa. Henry Other mentions go out to Inigo ‘In- 35 yards out was speculatively lofted us up by marching on strike on such a Rowett did the honour of securing ya-go-son’ Torres and Phil Gantner towards the far post, and the Medic’s glum, wet day. After scandalously be- said padding with an edge-of-the-box for providing solidity and creativity at keeper kindly decided to fumble the ing made to pay for parking (SCAFFS), drive into the side netting, followed wingback, whilst Sander Van der Bie ball into his own net. It was 2-0 to the we frantically scattered onto the pitch shortly after by a cutting counterat- and Chris Rochester anchored us well Imperial 1s. Next an overlapping run without a warm up, and almost with- tack move seeing Sam ‘Dzeko’ Duf- at both ends of the pitch. Late in the by Nielsen culminated in a marvellous out warning, the referee whistled for fi eld slide it under the keeper for our game Guy Frankel came on, reignit- cross to which Robinson elevated at kick off . It’s safe to say at this point, 4th goal of the game. ing our attack and eff ectively creating least 5 metres (give or take) to reach there were no smiles. Th e 5th goal was as comedic as it chances for our forwards. ICUAFC and headed the ball into the net. Th e Th ere was great irony then, as it was tragic: a perfectly weighted chip As tackles were getting more and 4th goal was spectacular. Full-back turned out that not only could we have Nugent, taking time out of his busy run — or at least cycled — to Green- schedule of telling crude/sex related wich as our warm up (instead of doing jokes, made a dazzling run, and the long minibus journey which made curled the ball from left of the goal us miss the warm up), but in the end, into the right panel. It was a thing of the actual match itself proved to be a pure beauty. Finally, to add insult to better warm up than we could have injury, Murphy threaded a delightful hoped for! (All off ence to Greenwich (I’m running out of adjectives) ball completely intended). between 2 defenders and the keeper With the match in progress, some to the back post to fi nd an unmarked unoiled rusty cobwebs were evident Robinson, who SMASHED (his words as the team found its collective touch. not mine) the ball in to score a late Th en, the midfi eld trio of Schön, 5th and complete his hat trick. Th is Rowett and Iacoponi (read as Bus- performance won him Man of the quets, Xavi, and Fábregas) began to Match to the delight of many fantasy settle and dictate as simple passing football managers. Th e Medics played opened up tunnels of space for the well and should be commended for eff ective wingers Bruno Howard and their resilience and fortitude; indeed, Smiles Chrisanta to fl y into, generat- they came close a couple of times ing hefty shots on target and making and should be proud of the way they the Greenwich defence look appropri- played if not the score. However, the ately green in their defending. result was comprehensive and the Some tension built as the crucial Medics came away worse for wear, breakthrough hadn’t yet come, whilst prompting the some onlookers to call a slick wet surface caused some near- for a doctor to treat Medic’s players blunders as our defence was caught for both trauma and shock, as they cold. Crucially, newly-recruited keep- were in no state to do so themselves. er Sam O’Neil (with our fi rst choice Sanjiv seized by the 3s…) stepped up ICUAFC FRIDAY 25 OCT 39

@feliximperial

FelixImperial SPORT Imperial Brush Aside the Medics Josh OʼDonnell reports as Imperialʼs 1st XV rugby team win comfortably.

BUCS Home Fixtures 30th October 2013

BADMINTON HOCKEY CONTINUED

WOMENS 2ND VS PORTSMOUTH WOMENS 3RD VS ST MARYʼS TIME TBA 16:30 HARROW CLUB HARLINGTON SPORTS GROUND

MENʼS 3RD (MEDICS) VS READING LACROSSE TIME TBA VENUE TBA WOMENS 1ST VS KCL 14:30 WOMENS 1ST VS KCL HARLINGTON SPORTS GROUND 13:00 ETHOS NETBALL MENʼS 1ST VS LSE 13:00 WOMENS 3RD (MEDICS) VS LSE ETHOS 13:30 TEDDINGTON SPORTS GROUND BASKETBALL WOMENS 7TH (MEDICS) VS ST GEORGEʼS 13:30 MENʼS 1ST VS KENT TEDDINGTON SPORTS GROUND 16:00 ETHOS WOMENS 8TH VS WESTMINSTER 14:45 FENCING TEDDINGTON SPORTS GROUND WOMENS 9TH VS ANGLIA RUSKIN MENʼS 1ST VS CAMBRIDGE 14:45 TIME TBA TEDDINGTON SPORTS GROUND VENUE TBA

ICURFC MENʼS 3RD VS CITY UNIVERSITY RUGBY UNION 13:00 ETHOS After a poor fi rst performance against at 12-0. A Medic attack brought them hand and the opportunity was wasted MENS 4TH (MEDICS) VS KCL 14:00 UCL last week, IC Rugby’s 1st XV close to the IC line, but a dogged with an unlucky knock on 5 metres TEDDINGTON SPORTS GROUND desperately needed to turn up with scramble defence and solid tackling from their line. From the back of a FOOTBALL their heads switched on. Playing in the kept a clean sheet. Pushing back into scrum on the Medic’s 10 metre line MENS 1ST VS KENT MENS 1ST VS UCL 14:00 league against varsity rivals, Imperial the middle of the pitch the crowd went a well executed back line move left 14:00 HARLINGTON SPORTS GROUND Medics, IC were looking to give them wild as our prop fresher, Tom, ripped 1st XV debutant Jon Mann in plenty HARLINGTON SPORTS GROUND a repeat performance of last year’s the ball from a maul to burst up the of space to burn down the left wing MENS 2ND (MEDICS) VS QUEEN MARY MENS 2ND (MEDICS) VS GREENWICH 14:00 victory at Th e Stoop. Th e atmosphere pitch on a legendary debut break. and score a well deserved try amidst 14:00 TEDDINGTON SPORTS GROUND in the changing room was charged, to Following this, IC were soon in a screams of ‘F**king yes!’ from our vocal TEDDINGTON SPORTS GROUND say the least, with a near emotional threatening attack position, once more captain. A missed conversion left the MENʼS 3RD VS UCL MENS 3RD VS EAST LONDON 14:00 wreck of a captain, Mike O’Connell, using the driving maul from a lineout score at 17-0. Further pressure in the 14:00 HARLINGTON SPORTS GROUND tearfully explaining to the team that to score a well-executed set piece try. Medic’s half led to yet another driving HARLINGTON SPORTS GROUND “we do not lose to Medics”. Bearing Unfortunately, the referee didn’t seem maul mildly encouraged from the side SQUASH that in mind, as well as a few bruises to agree and the try was questionably line by IC’s reserved head coach. A GOLF from Jack Flanagan’s pre-match head- disallowed. Moving into the second well-organised pack controlled by MENS 3RD VS UCL butts, the team stepped out onto the half the game continued at the same Tom Hedley at the back allowed a long MIXED 1ST VS BRUNEL UNIVERSITY TIME TBA 11 : 3 0 pitch to a roar from the crowd of pace. Solid tackling from the entire drive up the touchline and a second VENUE TBA EALING GOLF CLUB nearly a dozen spectators. IC kicked to team stunted the Medic attack and score by Hedley in the fi nal minutes of start, and the game was underway. Th e despite conceding a penalty within 5 the game. With less than 90 seconds TABLE TENNIS aggression from the off set was much metres of the line, our defensive line to go, James Cox calmly took his HOCKEY MENS 1ST VS KCL improved on last week, and after a soon pushed them back to 15 metres time in slotting a diffi cult conversion WOMENS 2ND (MEDICS) VS ESSEX 17:00 few big hits from both the forwards out and solid work at the breakdown through the middle of the posts from TIME TBA ETHOS and the back line it quickly became resulted in a key turnover. Some near the sideline. Th e fi nal whistle INDIAN GYMKHANA clear that the Medics didn’t want to confusion as to what game we were blew with a satisfying fi nal score TENNIS WOMENS 4TH (MEDICS) VS THE ARTS know. Th e scoring opened mid-way playing resulted in our back line of 24-0 to Imperial College. After TIME TBA through the fi rst half with a gazelle- booting the ball some 50 metres up the cheers subsided and songs were INDIAN GYMKHANA WOMENS 1ST VS LSE TIME TBA like Freddie White dancing through the pitch with great interlinking play sung, a night of celebrations ensued; VENUE TBA WOMENS 1ST VS KCL the opposition on a counter attack between the wing and centre forward. a fi tting evening to award club ties to 13:30 from the halfway line. Placing it under However, the ball didn’t quite go to the Freshers. HARLINGTON SPORTS GROUND VOLLEYBALL the posts, it was an easy conversion. MENS 3RD VS PORTSMOUTH It was 7-0 to the College. Falling back 15:00 MENS 1ST VS BRIGHTON 18:00 on the team’s strengths, IC crossed the HARLINGTON SPORTS GROUND white line again soon after off the back ETHOS SPORTS CENTRE of a driving maul with Tom Hedley getting the score. Unfortunately, the conversion attempt bounced back off the uprights leaving the scoreboard ICURFC “Keep the SPORT Cat Free” Editor: Kunal Wagle INSIDE [email protected] 25/10/13 Issue 1557 Medics in crisis? Thumped by Imperial College in felixonline.co.uk Football and Rugby... We’d say so Premier League Synchronised Predictions Swimming is in! Liverpool v West Brom James White Football Columnist Th e Sturridge-Suarez partnership Maria Gragert master swimmers can do; and Th e tee is currently run by fi nal year PhD looks excellent but couldn’t see off IC Synchro Treasurer Brighton Dolphins convinced every- students, so there will be three open Newcastle last time out. Th e Baggies one that Synchro can still be enjoyed positions very soon, if you want a fun enjoyed their last visit to the North- after 50! Join us this year and you will way to learn essential life skills this is Chelsea v Man City West, beating Manchester United, Last year was great and we are try- be a part of it. You will also be able the place to start! Last year our Club (Sunday 4pm, Sky Sports 1) and have the attacking potency to ing to achieve even more in the com- to go to Brighton and swim with the Chair received the RCC Merit Award cause Liverpool problems too. ing year! We had 29 members, more Brighton Dolphins, enjoy a walk on and was nominated as Sports Ambas- Chelsea may have beaten Cardiff Prediction: 1-1 than enough to put fantastic routines the beach, a nice, fresh portion of fi sh sador of the Year. comfortably on Saturday but still together!! Only a few months on and and chips, and discover the very fa- IC Synchro can only be successful look far from the fi nished article. Jose Man United v Stoke our members – beginners, intermedi- mous Brighton pubs! with members, so we need you! We Mourinho still doesn’t know his best ates and advanced – were presenting Of course Synchro is not just about hope to have convinced you that our team, but will be encouraged by how United dropped points again last their routines at our Christmas show swimming; it’s also being part of a su- club off ers a great variety of activities. his summer signings are performing. weekend and serious questions are in the pool of St. Mary’s hospital. Th is per friendly team, with swimmers of If you want more information you City haven’t improved away from now being asked of David Moyes. But name is probably familiar to everyone all nationalities, having a great time can contact us via email: syncswim- home since the arrival of Manuel Stoke, having gone off the boil after a given that the Royal Baby was born in various pubs and restaurants and [email protected] or check our Pellegrini and are badly missing fi ne start and don’t have the strikers to there. Th at’s also where our training trying things you haven’t tried before! website: www.union.ic.ac.uk/rcc/ Vincent Kompany at the back. Th ey infl ict another Old Traff ord upset. sessions take place. So, if you join our You won’t be getting fi t alone in your synchroswimming. And don’t hesi- have to push for a win in games like Prediction: 2-0 team, you will see the famous hospital. gym but having a lot of fun in the pool tate to come to any of our sessions on this and I wonder if that might just Add a Harlington grant, some pretty with good music and nice people, and Th ursday evenings from 18.30 to 20.30 play into Chelsea’s hands. Th e Blues Norwich v Cardiff good RCC funding and a Sport Im- we can promise you will get fi tter than in St Mary’s swimming pool! Your fi rst are traditionally strong at home and perial sponsorship and you get some you would have by watching a wall and session is free and our membership know how to win big matches. Th e Canaries are in a false position great new equipment, to make sure running on a treadmill!! is only £7. But, seriously, you want to Prediction: 2-1 but face an easier run of games you get fi t and your muscles are toned, But Synchro does not only help you have fun? You want to become fi t and starting this weekend. Sadly for and an amazing professional coach, to to get in shape, joining the team is also strong? You want to meet new great Sunderland v Newcastle Cardiff fans, the new owner’s needless get the best teaching ever, whatever a way to boost your CV. Our commit- people? Th en IC Synchro is for you! (Sunday 1:30pm, Sky Sports 1) tinkering looks to have undermined your level! some promising early-season form. Last May, six of our members, half Gus Poyet learnt last weekend Prediction: 1-0 of them beginners, competed in the the sheer magnitude of the task he French National University Champi- faces. He has to stop the rot fast, but Southampton v Fulham onship; and just like the year before, will need to summon up some team are now happily wearing their bronze spirit because the quality isn’t there. Th e Saints are on a remarkable medals. More than a competition, this Newcastle, meanwhile, seem to have run and there’s no reason they can’t was an opportunity for a great week- clicked since that shocking fi rst half at keep going here against a Fulham end of Synchro and other activities all Everton last month. Th ey provide the side whose attackers simply aren’t together in Bordeaux! We visited the bigger goal threat and will therefore delivering just now. Th is could be French city, and discovered a vineyard be favourites. curtains for Martin Jol. as well as a Mexican Navy Boat. We Prediction: 1-2 Prediction: 2-0 also spent a couple of days by the sea to do some open water training and Crystal Palace v Arsenal Swansea v West Ham try fresh seafood. We don’t know yet (Saturday 12:45pm, BT Sport 1) (Sunday 4pm) where the competition will take place this year, but we’ll be there and you Palace look down and out and West Ham pulled off some result can be part of it! only some Ian Holloway magic can in their last away game, beating Not everyone wants to commit to save their season for me. Arsenal are Tottenham 3-0, but folded against that much training. But everybody on a real roll, are outstanding away Manchester City. Th umping will get the chance to present what IC SYNCHRO and should win comfortably. Expect Sunderland, however, might just have he or she has learned. Last summer’s Mezut Ozil and Aaron Ramsey to be kick-started Swansea’s season. show with the teams from Brighton on the scoresheet again. Prediction: 1-0 and London Seymour was very suc- Prediction: 0-3 cessful, attracting over 60 visitors at Tottenham v Hull Ethos pool. All our members were Best of the rest (Sunday 4pm) able to show their skills and were as- (Saturday 3pm unless stated) tonished to see what Synchro elite and Hull are the season’s surprise Aston Villa v Everton package but defeats at Chelsea, Manchester City and Everton suggest Paul Lambert has won more points they can’t yet challenge top teams. away than at home and Villa do Spurs should win here. struggle when teams sit back and they Prediction: 1-0 cannot counter. Everton won’t sit back though and with Lukaku fi ring this should be an entertaining contest. Prediction: 2-2

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