• 3 Complaints a Day About Rentme • Housemates Suffer Life in Filth

Fashion extra: round-up of London Fashion Week LS2 16&17

GLC rapper Maggot hangs out with LS2 9 That Friday free !fling Leeds St de i,t Octobers. 2006 vriumssur Landlord etdown • 3 complaints a day about RentMe • Housemates suffer life in filth

By Paul Tait & Ben Schofield

RentMe letting agents are the subject at least 13 separate investigations after a torrent of students reported substan- dard living conditions to Leeds University Union's Student Advice Centre. The company's record on repairs was so had that earlier this year. Leeds City Council threw out therr applieanon to join its landlord accreditation scheme. Leed8 S►tuient has learnt. Linda Sherwood, Environmental Health Project Manager, said: "Rent Me applied to join the Leeds City Council Landlord Accreditation at the start of 20th. However. following the application vetting process, which looks at the applicant's record of providing healthy and safe accommodation. their application was not approved:' "The company were however offered support in a letter dated March 2 2006 to improve their performance by working with a named Senior Environmental Health Office' & Principal Tenancy Relations Officer. No response was received to that letter. The Department is currently investigating a number of complaints about this cotupany." Angry tenants, frustrated by RentMe's lack of co-operation in dealing with their complaints. /line told of the filthy conditions in which they found themselves. One student. oho wished to remain anonymous. said.: "One of my flatmates was so worried by the conditions that DISGUSTING: Our montage shows the extent of the problems with repairs and waste experienced by RentMe customers she spent the first night in a hotel." Norm: Rachel Price • More on pages 4&5 •

" VM 117.r.-77"M"1"7 1 2 Leeds Student www.leedsstudentorg.uk Friday, October 6, 2006

hat if someone's an epileptic? as TV dinners to waiting councilors. One management. If you have a problem - if With the lights now to their hill quipped the Chair, at Union review was to save the Union from the no one else ran help - and if they're not brightness, the room's glow could have WCouncil's iirst meeting of the evils of the Charities Act by installing a having a free lunch somewhere - maybe come straight out of the Ok Coral. High year. Another room hooking bungle by Trustee Board above, well, all of us. But you can rail: The Officer Team. noon. The scene was set, let battle com- yet another new member of staff had first up was the Exec Review. To chuck Hiccup, LUU's hip clothing retailer. mence. ld relocated the 'important' meeting to the nut two officers, rename the hunch and could stock figurines with arms that wave But nothing. Barely a whimper of din• fie flash pink bowels of Pulse. still glowing call them the Officer Mara. up and down. Like Action Man, but not content. There was even some applause ho under the glare of rotating disco lights Scribbled notes passed round the cir- fighting. Laying dawn the law perhaps. on a job. well dune. Disappointed. The

Sc Which had been left whirring through the cle hypothesized what prospective stu- Officer Team - all six of them - Exec had rolled out their bigguns - 0) day. Rumours this was a crude hem of dents may be told on Open Days:. would sit on the Union's spanking new Councillors had been treated to an ECG- hypnosis may be apocryphal. Maybe it In 2006. a crackpot team of graduate Trustee Board, which would be legally General Manager double act through the Ben was just an oversight of the new energy politicians were tuned Una office fin- poli- and financially responsible for this cud- presentation. But UC didn't turn up. The By saving regime. Call up the environment. cies they na longer held. They promptly dly entity known as LUU. Union few councillors there cocked their heads U) we might have to cancel Christmas. moved to reduce trpresematinn in the Council, the artists formerly known as the to one side, and raised their paws in the On tonight's menu: reviews, mote of Union and to pmniare rheinselves above highest decision-making body in this air and nodded it obediently through. them, tike last night's leftovers they were Union eauncif. Thday, still runnitg the place would only be able to boast second Maybe they want figurines in Hiccup too. mierowaved to perfection and served up Union. they Anrrive as puppets of the fiddle. Gasp. Vote to change running of Union GLOBAI would sit on the Board. They would be role and making it easier for them to rep. with the Governance proposal. By Alex Doorey By Rachel Hunter joined by six others, including two stu- resent all of the Union in their decision. The only dissenting member was the dent members appointed by the Officer mak ing." he sand. one representing Leeds Student newspa- -ream. Co-opted members, possibly Because of the fundamental nature of per. Steven Smith. wo hooks involved in the Sweeping changes to how Leeds Leeds University alumni, would make up theses changes. the proposals would need He said: "Monday marked the day teaching of a course lead University Union is run are one step clos- the final four, of which the General to be ratified m referenda_ The vote on the when the purpose of this organisation no by a previous Leeds er after two reviews were nodded through Manager may be one. Exec restructure is provisionally tabled longer focuses on students, instead it T University student have been at Union cowed tin Monday, Finance Officer Chris Johnetint was for November. But due to the lengthy shifted to commercial greed." banned from the Library of the Two motions were un the agenda. The happy with the role changes. process of rewriting the constitution and Smith had taken issue during the University of Melbourne by the first of which would see Exec numbers "As trustees, the Exec are long-term bye-laws by solicitors, the Governance meeting with the General Manager's Australian Claesification Review cut and to have the group renamed legal guardians of the Union, acting for Review will be voted on in Witch.. assertion that the Trustee Board would Board. Defence of the Muslim "Officer Team" The second was to the benefit of all its members. We have Union conneillors were asked to vote overturn a Union Council decision which Lands and Jain the Caravan, change the governance structures of the realinged the roles so that the members on whether to send the proposals on for may have adverse commercial implica- both by Palestinian Islamist, the Union. are no longer representing one group of consultation with the members. They tions. such as banning Coca-Cola, late Abdallah Azzam, wet,• plans pass referendum. the Exec people, as they are at the moment. reduc- voted unanimously to pass the Exec Discussion in the meeting also bought by the Library for ., will he cut from eight members to six, ing possible conflict of interest in their review and all but one member concurred focused not on whether the proposals course on jihad. including the disposal of the Bretton cam- should or should not be put to referen- Professor Richard Pennell, .1 pus officer. The Exec will also undergo a dum, but rather on their detail. lecturer in Middle Eastern role reshuffle, which includes dropping Councillors seemed agreed that it would History, who did his PhD in the position o ' Womens' officer. in favour be necessary to raise a 1,500-name peti- Islamic History at the University of more general roles. tion to call a referendum to remove a of Leeds, teaches the course. The so-called governance review trustee_ In the proposals. this vote would Pennell said that the banning seeks tr I clear up who is legally and finan- have to attract 4,500 votes to be legiti- of the hooks is wrong and that: cially responsible for LUU and to address mate. Com:Mors said during the meeting "It will not stop jihadist terrorism bureaucrats' concerns resulting fmm the that these figures were tots high. but it will prevent outsiders from Charities Act's progress through Johnston continued to say that he was trying to understand it." Perhement. pleased with the outcome of the meeting. According to the Deputy Vice- The proposals, presented by Financial even though eight councillors were Chancellor. Professor Peter and Commercial Services Officer Chris absent. —Ile Union council were happy. McPhee, the fact that the hooks Johnston and the Union's Genentl With the decisions made and we got some have been refused classification Manager would urn Jill-powerful fantastic governance feedback." he said. means that the University has "no Trustee Board established. which would -There's always room (sir improve- choice but to withdraw them take overarching responsibility fur the ment in any meeting, but councillor;. felt from access because that is the Union ON THE PULSE: Union councillors met in Pulse on Monday. secure enough to speak out, I just wish I aw." The six ;timbers of the Officer Team 1 .-ir.ro Emma Dalzell more of them had turned up." However. the Vice-Chancellor has argued that removing these resources from the Universities will hinder further resarele He said: "the removal of these hooks will limit the on-going Mental arithmetic legitimate research and educa- resource covering 84 different maths tern in 2006 affects universities been running surgeries tor the past tional experience of staff and stu- By Emma Grundy topics. throughout the sector and students year that have proved popular with dents at the University of The resource includes video mire who lack not only pure maths skills students struggling with maths from Melbourne.- rials ‘.1 I; lc It help to clarify certain but also problem-solving skills. a whole range of departments Whilst students and academics A hiatus- member of %hitt IN illIping aspects of the course, which are In Physics and Astronomy. my Liz said: "We help them with spc should he able to access research sok c students' mathematical prett. known to cause difficulties. home department, the problem has edit problems and also point them materials, the University has lams with an online maths tutor Profeesei Savage co-researched a been tackled by using a diagnostic towards Mathturor and other support been prevented from providing because of the rising numbers of stu- report in 2000 called Measuring 'The test followed by streaming for math- materials enabling them to become that service. dents from across ail courses strug- Maths Problem. It revealed evidence ematics in year I. and the introduc- more cnnlident with mathematics. '' Professor McPhee said that gling with basic maths principles that there is a rapid decline in the tion of an A-level maths consolida- this was "extremely regrettable... Professor Mike Savage, from the mathematical capabilities of students tion module." For more information go to despite the books being safely school of Physics and Ash-ant-fray, entering illuveisity Liz Meenan and Man. Homer, ww wm at ht utor.ae.uk held in the University's Special has created Matinutor. an 'Heart-ing I-k exio:iiitcd: The maths prob- tutors involved with the project. have Collections area."

Leeds Student newspaper -1,61/ Editor Ben Schofield / Associate Editor - fly Capel / News - Alex Doorey, Charlotte Griffiths, Rachel Hunter & Paul Tait / Comment - Hind Hassan / Features - James Gardinner & Phil Spooner / Sport - Michael Niles, Adam Lord & Ahran Symonds-Haig / Photos - Patrick Nixon & Emma Dairen / Online - Barry Carlyon / Advertising assistant - Hannah Swales / Advert design - Rebecca Edlin Leeds Student newspaper, Leeds University Union, PO Box 157, Leeds, LS1 113H; (0113) 3801 450; [email protected] To advertise email [email protected] Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk friday, October 6, 2006 3 Countdown to local quiz show auditions would leave its original home in Leeds By Alex Doorey to accommodate for its new host Lynam. who has to travel 250 miles from his Sussex home every day to film Cult TV quiz Countdown will be the series. scouring campus to look for top instead Lynam. who took over in gameshow talent next month. The lone June last year after the death of the running ITV programme hosted by Des show's original presenter Richard Lynam will he auditioning both staff Whiteley. has decided to quit the show and students for their new series. after less than a year. M A The show, which has been filmed at His agent Janet Morten said: -There Yorkshire Television in Leeds since its was talk about moving Countdown to first broadcast in 1982, was the first London as both of the presenters live in scheduled broadcast on Channel Four the South but Des was very concerned with over four thousand episodes to about how it would disrupt people who date. had been working on the show for Associate Producer Daniel Twist is many years." The show's associate pro- looking forward to the auditions. ducer also confirmed Morgen's cOrn- "Since we're Leeds based at Yorkshire mel ts. lie said. "As far as I know it Television there are always lots of won't be moving now. Des wasn't sure Leeds students in the audience. and he could carry on as presenter. and he they're always asking for application will retie at the end of the series." forms" he said. Rumoured replacements include Daniel continued to say that the Noel almonds. Eamon Holmes and auditions were open to entrants of all even Carol Vorderman herself, levels. "It's not just about the number of letter words you can get" he said. Students and staff can book audition "There are lots of factors to consider. places by contacting Associate It's about playing the game. We're Producer Daniel Twist. email looking for people that play along at [email protected] or home, people that are fans of the show call 0 113 222 8483. and are good at the came." Auditions for the show will be held on GOT A NINE: Countdown searches for contestants for its next series on campus. Many fans of the show were recent- November 9. 10-5 at Meeting Room 2 Prir,To: Courtesy of Yorkshre Television ly angered by the possibility that it at the ARC in the Union. Dream-cast tutors n piste informed decisions about their own By Kirsty Brooks futures. By Carly Colatch Damola Timeyin. LUU Democracy and Communications officer. said: 'If Star of the Leeds University Union students can benefit from the advice A British charity is calling on student Freshers' Ball Trevor Nelson has and experiences of others then the skiers to raise money for sport opportu- become one of five 'dream tutors' to scheme will be a worthwhile venture nities for the disabled. create a vidcucast for the NUS Extra and one in which everybody wins." WheelPower is sponsoring a ski trip to scheme, The new card offers a range of dis- the Mont Blanc Massif in the Alps and The videucasts are part of the new counts, offers and competitions exclu- asking skiers to fundraise E1,8()0 for Extra card launched in September sive to card holders and also doubles up their trip cost, half of which will go to which claims to provide even more ben- as an international student ID curd for the charity. efits and discounts than its predecessor traveling students. Ana Miranda. the community for an additional ten pounds. The NUS also say that the card will appeals and events officer for The dream tutors will talk about the benefit student unions. as 40 per cent of WheelPower, said: "This event offers highs and lows of their careers, with the the card's cost, currently £10. is an opportunity to challenge yourself, aim of giving students a vaned insight returned directly to the local Union do something different and meet peo- into life in the world of work. They will from which it originated. ple. The most important aspect howev- feature Innocent Drinks founder They said: "The sale of NUS Extra er is that it really does help thousands Richard Reed. Editor of i-D magazine cards goes directly to the Union, The so of disabled persons all over the UK." Terry Jones. Editorial Director for the the transaction between the student The charity also makes concessions SKI: Skiers will take to the slopes in aid of Wheelpower. National Magazine Company Lindsay their union also has wider reaching ben- for students, with a tighter budget. "If PHOTO: ND( DOOREv Nicholson and Tom Fyans of Amnesty efits." participants cannot raise the full International. However. some students have E1.800. WheelPower is grateful for any Josef Balod.is. 20 said: "I'd definitely mitment to offer regular, brillaint ski The NUS hopes that the videocasts voiced concerns that they arc now being donation above the £879." Ana added. consider it, its sounds like a good holidays at heavily reduced prices to will help to diversify what the NUS asked to pay for their student discounts. The money raised from the trip will opportunity to support a worthy cause all its student members. Extra card has to offer, and to help stu- he used to provide sport opportunities in a fantastic resort." dents considering the featured careers For more information about the plans for children and adults with a disability. The Snowriders Club agreed, but For more information e-mail to make better educated and more go online at www.nusextra.co.uk Leeds Snowriders Club member also added their already existing corn- [email protected],

4 Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.orgirk Friday, October 6, 2006 Houses of

- By Paul Tait 1' have received a number of com- HMO team is that of basement con- plaints from various addresses. versions where landlords seek to make "I's e made suggestions to them. a basement room habitable. but they appear not to be acting an "When converting a basement into Students stampede advice them. If we find a Category 1-ease [the a habitable room you are supposed to centre with tales of woe most urgent] then we will pursue put an impervious membrane onto the immediate legal action under the 200,4 floor and extend it up the walls. Often. Housing Act." the room is aesthetically fine, but, if Houses crumbling across The new legislation fur HMOs you take a closer look, in some of my Leeds; one "condemned" by took effect in April It requires all RentMe cases this membrane appears council health officials landlords to apply for licenses tor to be missing," properties which arc inhabited across Such errors can be very costly to three or Hoots by five a inure residents. One student, who didn't stiak.!nts - ,1 description which covers want to be named, told of her experi- W" ri .4 .•.I 113. 113.1 -15 the in:taints .,f ,Tudciii residences in ences: "The girl who lived in our It` rt.113n/I,V7111 110:11 \It: 1,1 the area. :iceording to the HMO basement room moved some things h•lliiw stitcnk..L.•1,11 NI3b41:. Ihgil licensing worn. into her room during the summer yea! Mathetreol...- stintem. S;bLi When RentMe', Customers have vacation last year. When she came to s•. that . ,1 Ing:71, attempted the problems move in at the start of term started the Rentlsle have psi hoternii tionsc they have cu....witch:it. many have clothes she'd left there had mould all I said they may as cell r,n cr nut t,,:ur p,iii ls itheniselses "passed from pillar over them and were ruined. She had to now." to move to another house tor three RentMe have also aggravated .A member .11 the HMO licensing months until it wie: fixed." council staff by forming a huge pail of team continued: "I think they're hay. The same studeut continued: "We their complaints workload One ing serious communications prob- also told them about a dodgy window Occupancy Houses of lems. Students are struggling to eon• us soon as we moved in but they (HMO) licensing leant inetnber said; tact them and they're not communi- ignored us. They only came to fix it "Not all of my work relates to com- cating their issues internally as well as after we were burgled." plaints. but of that which does. I'd say they should." One dissatisfied customer had a 90 per cent of it involves RentMe, One of the issues faced by the catalogue of problems with her house,. The most ohs-ions of which was large hole in the middle of her kitchen floor. She said: "I had m stay at a friend's when they ripped the floor up. We weren't allowed back in without making an appointment. The alternative accomodation wasn't much better. The bathroom had water dripping front the light Fittings and the tiles came off " A pair of other students. who also requested anonymity. told Lee its Student how they ended up signing for property they were not happy with. One said' "We were shown round a four bedroom show house, despite requesting to view two bedroom prop- SQUEEZED IN: A RentMe customer has trouble using her bathroom erties_ They insisted that the size and PHOTO: Emma [Mizell style would he exactly the same in the two bed property as they were in the temporary accomodation wasn't fin- this. larger one. ished so we'd have had to take their "The fact that there is a massive "We signed up. but when we saw word on it [being reudyl_ market surplus of beds should man our house it was much smaller - titan "If you tried to phone up, the guy students receive better service levels the show home. had broken heaters. who dealt with us was never around. due to competition between landlords. missing furniture and holes burnt into One of my housemates once called 15 "I've referred all eases that I've the carpets." times in a day. and was eventually put conic across to our qualified advisors A similar experience was men- on hold at 5.50pm but the phone was in the Student Advice Centre for them tioned by several other complainants. cut off at 6pm." to chase up. " Jason Mahon described how he Mahon's housemate. Andrew He also stressed that students hav• was unable to move into his RentMe Fenthant. a second year English and ing problems who have not yet come house: "We signed our contract in Philosophy student. said: "RentMe forward to either himself or the SAC March. But on August 18 they told us have got a really professional shop should not fear doing so. the house wasn't going to be ready to front. but you're treated really badly." "It's really important that students move into on September 1. "We were a grand down with get in contact. They can contact both "Then three days before we were nowhere to stay at first but luckily we myself and the SAC and then we can due to move in we were told it wasn't found somewhere quite quickly." press the issue with either the council actually going to he ready until At the moment, there are over or Environmental Health. December. It just got put hack and 3,000 spare beds in local student "They shouldn't he afraid to come hack. areas. forward." "The alternative accomodation we Omar Khan. Leeds University No one from RentMe was available were offered was rubbish. It was Union Welfare Officer, said: "I think for comment. absolutely miles away. And even the it's shocking that landlords can do Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, October 6, 2006 5

Death of medicine school dean Professor James Scott, a former Dean of the School of Medicine at the University of Letxts, has died at the age of 82. Prokssor Scott worked with a wide- cross section of people during his time as an obstetrician, gynaecologist. teacher and Dean at the medical school, and his death.on September 17th will no horrors doubt be received with much sadness. His name will trigger happy memories and gratitude for a man who was much loved and respected by both col- leagues and students, and tti h.•1, * RentMe spins wheel of * LUU team offers vital U.7 be with 31 work, and plop fortune to win tenants landlord advice to all Royal reception for researchers

RentMe have also enraged students Rebecca Chisnall, PGCE student, There will he a landlord feedback If someone moves out Buckingham Palace will be hosting a by offering entry into competitions to said: "We were promised 70 pounds' session hosted by Leeds University • If everyone agreed to move in Royal Society science event. which will encourage them to sign contracts. worth of drinks vouchers from Union's Student Advice Centre on together and signed one contract, you feature a show created by researchers The agency was offering the Jackson's which we 'won' from the October 20 and 27. could all he jointly liable for any rent from the University of Leeds. chance to spin a wheel with prizes on A spokesperson said: "Good, bad. areas. The show, held on October 24 is one it, in a similar style to the nineties "We never get anywhere downright awful: tell us what you • This means that whoever moves of twelve others that have been selected game show 'Wheel of Fortune'. with them, you're just think. Details will be posted soon. out still has to pay but the landlord by the Royal Society to feature in this By almost guaranteed a prize to passed from pillar to post" including information about how to could expect the money from you if one-day event. which is part of the those who signed the contracts. stu- vote online." they fail to do so. Queen's 80th birthday celebrations. It dents were tempted into signing by Louise Hoar, PCGE student The following is what the SAC • If this happens. try to find a new aims to educate school children on the promises of prizes which included thinks is most important when it tenant so that you don't have to pay, science behind replacement body pans. cash prizes and drinks vouchers up to comes to housing. if you refuse to take new tenants it primarily investigating how replace- the value of seventy pounds. wheel. gives the landlord more of an argument joints and prosthetic limbs func- "We moved in four weeks ago and Disrepair ment to chase you for the rent. tion. we keep getting fobbed off with • Always tell the landlord in writing • It is always worth checking Over 1.000 school children will be excuses". what the problems are as soon as pos- whether you arc jointly liable for the in attendance at the Palace to see the The same customers have also sible. This gives you written evidence rent. Contact the Student Adv ice best of the recent Royal Society summer been unhappy with the standards of of the problem being reported and it Centre to get the contract checked, exhibitions. Drs Peter Walker. In their properties on moving in. won't come out of your deposit. Ingrain. Sophie Williams and Stacy- Rebecca continued: "Once we had • Take photos. They are great evi- Finding new accommodation Paul Wilshaw will all be available to no hot water for an entire weekend, dence. Use that day's newspaper in • There are over 3000 empty bed share their expertise. Both the Queen and we've had countless other prob- your photo to prove on what day you spaces in Leeds at the moment. so and the Duke of Edinburgh is ill he mak- lems with the house." took the photograph. you are in a great position to be ing appearances at the event. and will be Louise Hoar. PGCE student, has • Check if the landlord has signed choosy. hosting. an evening reception for VIPs also been let down by the scheme. up to Unipol's or Leeds City • Don't get pressured into signing from the country's scientific communi- She said: "We were supposed to Council's Code of standards. if so for a house too early, Housing talks ty. to which Leeds PhD students Ian win 50 pounds each in cash. We you could make a complaint. will take place in early December so Leslie and David Keeling have been haven't seen rt yet. • If the repairs don't get done or you he patient when the time conies. asked to attend, "They said they had no cash On the feel you are entitled to compensation • If you need accommodation now. property but that's fairly hard to contact the Student Advice Centre. make sure you view different proper- Safe Cycles on However. the company were not believe for a landlord that has got Over the past four years the Student ties with different agencies so you forthcoming when it came to honour- people coming and going all the time. Advice Centre has negotiated nearly can compare what is out there. Campus ing their pledge, with many of their "We never get anywhere with £100,1000 in compensation and • Oct the housing contract checked new tenants not receiving their prom- them, you're just passed from pillar deposits for students at the University at the Student Advice Centre before A cycle coding day for both students ised prizes. to post." of Leeds. signing. and staff has been set up to combat rising numbers of bicycle theft around campus. The event, organised by The "What's your worst landlord University Security Service m partnership with West Yorkshire Police and the Leeds Community Safety tram. aims to promote cycle security and offers advice on the best types of cycle locks to use related experience?" when securing your cycle at the University's main campus. University police liason officer PC Carol Munsey will also be on hand to help mark up cycles and give sound security advice on the best way to secure your cycle using good quality locks. 'Fite coding day is on 1 lth October outside the side entrance to the Parkinson building, opposite the Emmanuel Church. fmm 9am. Researcher death -/ 41, Guy Malim, finalist, Classics Kalvinder Sokhi, second year, Yong Ro, first year, Art and Ceri Smith, finalist, Law Martin Lob, a central figure in the early and English Accounting and Finance Design development of mathematical logic in - I moved into my room last year to find a "Our house was covered in mould "We've so much damp in our house that all "We had sewage coming out of the loo Britain has died in Holland aged 85. At find a used co:.:lom with a dead bee stuck and needed loads of repairs. and our clothes and shoes are covered in and the shower plughole and flooding the age of 30 he became an assistant lec- in it sitting on my bed. There was also a they kept changing the locks on our mould, yet RentMe have sent us a letter the hathrOom, it was disgusting but turer at the University of Leeds where broken window which was just mended doors without telling us so we'd end saying that it has been fixed for a week. RentMe refused to help even when my he stayed for 30 years. His research with an old etimIlake box instead of glass up stuck on the street every once in hasn't been and we were sent a builder housemate's room got flooded as well spanned wool theory, modal logic and and it stayed like that all year" a while." who used my toothbrush to clean up " and was left wet for a month." computational theory but it is Liib's the- orem for which he is best known.

6 Leeds Student www.leedsstudenlorg.uk Friday, October 6. 2006

Name: Chris Johnston involved ' CI: Doctor Juice really does the trick in belie, lust kidding.. Occupation: LUU Financial CJ: 1 just tried really hard. every one the morning - it's like a liquid 1.1a, no,Hopefully make the and Commercial Service else tried hard. There were four others hrcaktast. queues go a little hit quicker. On a busy Officer going for it and I'd like to think that LS: Let's talk about this urn...'gift day we can get about 2(1.0(X) students people thought I was best for the job. shop'.I'm a hit confused about Hiccup coming through. It's like a small city. 1.5: We all know there's 'no hierarchy' in general really. What's that about? LS: How are you planning to make your in the exec. but as the guy holding the CJ Basically it's a new shop. What I mark in one year? (re-election aside..) purse strings, how dues it feel to he the personally like about hiccup is that (Ti: Goodness me. urn, well I think the most powerful man in the Union? you can buy Fruity T-shirts. Union could make a much better CI: Well that's interesting. I definitely IS: Hrn. That sounds like a teensy hit environmental impact. Just day to day. Doctor Juice really does the trick in the wouldn't say it's the mist powerful like free advertising... I'm trying to make sure I'm an effective morning - it's like a position, it's more organisational than CJ: It's funny because when they were representative, going to University liquid breakfast any other but that doesn't necessarily running Fruity back in the day. whenev- meetings. and speaking to students, translate to more power. Last year the er they had Fruity freebies, like Fruity making sure I know what they want me finance officer emerged as the natural pillowcases and stuff, we all loved it. to say. lust thin would make me happy. leader. but at the moment it's still shill- so it's just giving the people what they IS: Lastly, as a man with obvious coming around. want, mercial noose. what product would you LS: Hello and welcome to the 1(X) sec- LS: So we see the Union's had a hit of a IS: I still had to queue for about half an pitch to the 'Dragons' Den'? hour today to buy a sandwich and the 0: Well, when I'm cutting onions I ond interview. First of all, tell us a bit makeover... new copy of Heat. The infrastructure of about what you do. CJ: Yeah. we've got the new foyer always cry, which is embarrassing, so I 0T. Um the Finance and Commercial space which is great for societies, and that shop..tsk. use my friend's swimming goggles. It CI: Really? Gutted! But on the plus looks comedy. so I'd probably fashion a Services Officer. representing students also for people wanting to find out side, we've got new till's in now, the old pair of onion-goggles. to various bodies such as the University more about the Union. urn, and we've ones used to print out your credit card Actually. I find cutting them under- Council, and generally dealing with all got a juice bar, for people who want to LS: go somewhere with less of a boozy details - that's not good - the new ones water is a good way of stopping it. sorts of student issues. don't do that. Jury's still out though. Thanks. Chris. LS: It's a fiercely contested position; atmosphere. LS. Yeah, glad you got rid of that. a hit CJ: Thanks. any underhand campaign strategies LS: Sherbet lemonade would have to be my favorite. of Union organised fraud perchance'

Careers Centre UNIVERSITY OF LEEDS OPEN HOUSE FOR FINALISTS 5-7 Cromer Terrace

Thursday 12th October 12pm 6pm

and

Friday 13th October

10am - 2pm

The Careers Certre, 5-7 Cromer Terrace.

COME IN TO MEET US AND FIND OUT HOW WE CAN HELP WITH YOUR FUTURE CAREER PLANS FURTHER DETAILS ON OUR WEBSITE: http://careerweb.leeds.ac.uk Leeds Student wwwieedsstudent.org.uk Friday, October 6 2006

Wage increase to affect Boozy part-time workers The government has increased its minimum wage for all workers between the ages of 1g-21 to £4.45 per hour. This increase has been welcomed by workers, including a large majority of undergraduate students, but many are. worried that the increase could lead to job cuts. particularly boffin for part-time workers. Rob. a philosophy finalist. said: "1 work for a small company. and Business School graduate, declined to they'll struggle to pay everyone By Julian Rea make any comment outside of court, these new wages. Part-timers like me His solicitor. Grahame Stowe said: "my will be the first to go." client is a well qualified man of impec- The government's new age dis- Ilan.ogate Magistrates Court leis issued cable background. who has held down a crimination law means that. for a three year driving ban to Leeds number of good jobs," example. paying a younger employes: University Business School operations Mr Stowe said that Emmerson had a lower wage than nor who is older, manager Neil Emmerson, after he recently discovered that he had alcohol but has the same levels of qualifica- pleaded guilty to drink-driving. problems while in hospital for other tion and experience. would he ille- The Court heard how 49 year old health problems including hack trouble, Emmerson had been stopped by police pneumonia and severe oxygen depriva- Katie. a first year law student, in his black BMW after it hit a kerh tion. said: "The compan} I work for hits a whilst leaving the car park of the It transpired that Emmerson, who policy Which entitles all employees Lawnswood Arms at twenty past two in has several key responsibilities within to the same wage boundaries based the afternoon. Prosecutor Caroline May the Business School, had been used to on experience rather than age, and said a breath test after his arrest indicat- having four drinks a day to cope with that's a much fairer system." ed an alcohol level of 139 micro- the demands of his position and had no grammes; just under four times the idea that he was over the limit on the legal limit of 35. day of his arrest, having only consumed Hi-Fi flasher Though rulings could have resulted one and a half pints of beer. It was alco- CALLING TIME Three year driving ban for over-the-limit manager. A Leeds fresher had his night ruined in a prison sentence, Court chairman hol in his blood stream from previous Ptrat a Emma Dalzet1 last week after being flashed by a fel- t John Carter deemed the ban, and consumption that pushed his blood low dubber at the Hifi club. things that happen in his private life to comment on the caste. or indicate the Emmerson's attendance at a drink driv- level over the limit. Nineteen year old classics student should be kept private as long as they extent to which it will affect ers program, to be sufficient. Costs of Samantha Price, a business studies James Fenwick was washing his do not affect his work." Emmerson's future within the Business £50 were also imposed. finalist commented: -While his behav- I hands in the bathroom when a man The University of Leeds has refused School. Emmerson, himself a Leeds iour highlights a lack of responsibility, I approached him and asked if he I 'needed anything.' Assuming the roan was a drug- dealer. Fenwick attempted to leave Eco-warriors the bathroom but the man beckoned creating habitats and sculpting using him back to show him something. By Alex Doorey natural matenals, the students learn in Before Fenwick could protest, the the classroom through digital photogra- man undid his flies and revealed him- phy, videos and online resources how to self lames left the bathroom to hide- digitally manipulate a conservation area under one of the tables to avoid fur- A course combining hands on conserva- map and website design. Lectures will ther harassment, He said: "There was tion work with cutting edge technology, hasiiall!, A terrible mix-up, I didn't also be available to students as /441):3 has been introduced by the School of downloads available from the campus want drugs and I don't like hoys." Earth and Environment. The course, in A spokesperson for HiFI said: "The website and a podcasl is on its way. conjunction with the Eden Project in This however will not replace Glee to incident was deeply upsetting and we Cornwall, will bring the study into the face teaching. Module co-ordinator have never had anything like that multi-media world that students are Mark Reed said: "Computers can never happen before. We have issued a increasingly used to. Students can description of the man to all staff to replace lecturers, but technology can he debate with farmers on remote moor- integrated with other teaching methods prevent anything of the sort from land and get their hands dirty managing to make subjects more accessible." happening again." nature reserves in the new module this Places are still available on the course term, for this year. Contact Mark Reed on Lippy Ladies' GOING GRE N: Leeds University and the Eden After learning the relationship 0113 3433316. for eco-course. between plants and thew environment. +o u: Courtesy of www.euen-proiect.co.uk Lunchtime A fabulous ladies-only Friday ;east will be held today in the Union. The Women's Assembly and Lippy's• 'Ladies What Lunch,' is a chance for females and feminists alike to 'come The Press-Factor together. four-week long Press Cadets contest. ing the competition can give his career why they wanted to be a journalist, 1 Women 's Officer Sarah By Patrick Smith run by the weekly journalism bible the a flying start. He said: "It's amazing to Patrick submitted an article he wrote I Wayman said: "Ladies What Lunch is Press Gazette. get down to the lust ten. l really didn't for the West Riding Post, the newspaper I a chance for everyone to get together The young hacks are given tasks to think anything would come of it. A few produced by Trinity's postgraduate t and have a chat with one another, with some nice tea and cake and A trainee journalist from Trinity and All complete in London every week by a of the people who didn't win last year journalists, about the anniversary of the Saints has been picked from hundreds panel of editors and senior journalists got good jobs out of it so hopefully that July 7th bombings and the reaction of I sandwiches, and whatever else any- of hopefuls to take part in an X-Factnr- from across the industry, with one per- can be me this year. It's such a compet- the community in Beeston, Leeds, 1 one feels like making." All are wel- style competition to land a job in Fleet son being 'voted off' each week. The itive industry and you need to take home of two of the bombers. I come to the luncheon, including chil- Street. prize for the two winning candidates is every chance you can because jobs are For the first round, which takes 1 dren. Patrick Smith, 23. from Greater a trainee job in the Gazette's Fleet very hard to come by. 1 just hope I don't place on Thursday. September 2S, the Manchester, a student on the college's Street newsroom and an 18,000 salary. get voted off first." cadets must write a piece for publica- 'Ladies What Lunch' is today, postgraduate print journalism diploma Patrick. who has just taken his final Candidates had to submit a CV. their tion in Time Out magazine. I October 6. I-7.30pm in Pulse. course, has made the final I0 of the exams on the year-long course, is hop- best article and a 300-word piece on 8 Leeds Student krerwJeedsstudent.ontuk Friday, October 6, 2006 Interview A in 13 Reknowned wildlife photography Steve Bloom talks to about his new exhibition currently in Millennium Square, and his passion for pictures

he rhinoceros looks up 1mm the mother nature. a Great While launched himself into din and lie his eyes on Steve Observing the diagonally positioned mid-air snatching a seal out of leap. The TBloom. the telephoto lens and his prints outside the exhibition gift shop. hick of sleep. light withseasickness and tuck. It begins to charge. Rather than faces stare hack calling for your atten- aching muscles sending Bloom into a starting the engine and eying to outrun tion. Bloom's dress was similar to that of delirium that would deter the average the grey. homed beast at fleeting top a bird watcher. the twitcher who never man, but he underlines that 'it's always Speed. Blooms instinct was to continue lets his gaze drop_ But he's also an ani- more important to take the picture'. taking pictures. mal. he's an elephant who marches and Although many of the photos at the exhi- Award-winning photographer. Steve arrives unheard and humbly sits nn bition will always maintain the wow-fac- Bloom, has lived this unexpected bench. much resembling those we all tor, often extreme logistical complica- lifestyle fur 13 years and contieues to rememeber from school dinners. He's a tions are simply passed by. Nevermind capture explosive stills from all over the Toco Toucan. with eyes that are hlue and drenching the cameras and lenses in globe. Although never a zoologist, the still like the lens he uses to absorb his water and mud frozen to -50"C. Safety, passion that Bloom has for capturing the surroundings. But he's also the male timing and weather conditions will essence of animals is refloated in his emperor penguin who nurses the always be working against a photograph- work. The earliest stage of his career was unhatched. As titne passes, every animal er's final image, However. Bloom enjoys established working in the graphic arts that he has ever encountered shines the dynamic challenge of photographing industry and photo laboratories. in the through as pan of his personality. a a subject over which he has no control, seventies he was exiled front South Bloom has fought against all odds. The concept is simple, but when you are Africa because of his photography Technique tray get a photographer a long trying to harmonise light, tone. colour exposing the apartheid. For the last and composition, sometimes you have to decade however, Bloom has dedicated a let nature take over While in Canada, it great amount of his life photographing took two weeks to shoot the photograph and writing about animals in the wild. of a mother polar bear and her two cubs Although is part of Blooma work has Nevermind in temperatures averaging minus 49 been in understanding the nature of degrees. indigenous tribes, in the exhibition Spirit drenching the Nevertheless, the final product and of die 1,VMI, he exposes his work captured the reaction that Bloom has received in Africa. Antarctica. 'Eurasia and the cameras and 1mm around the world is what keeps him Americas. Focusing on animals and their lenses in water persevering. Fighting against all odds is surrounding environment. the images not only what the crew has to face. but sUCCCNsfully achieved the exploration and mud frozen also many fans. After receiving letters of into the 'forces of nature that underpin encouragement from disabled and termi- the sense of being alive'. The work that 50 nally-ill children, the appreciation of his Bloom has produced is not only aesthet- photography has given to others a new ically pleasing. but it underlines the lease of life which ultimately motivates importance of mans relationship with way but the essential part is to find heart. Bloom to continue, when he has previ- nature. It is to he passionate about the subject. to ously questioned his work. Outdoor Photography Magazine has be able to stand for hours or days on end Life of a wildlife photographer is described his influence as 'the best case waiting for the ultimate photo. A photo- never as glamorous as imagined, when yet for the defense of the earth'. To raise graph that's almost impossible to realize. wearing the shoes. Steve is able to travel awareness about the importance of our Bloom tells the story of waiting on the to the ends of the earth and back again... eco system. Bloom has bought his exhi- back of a boat. describing it as 'just a lit- and then a second time. He is a roan bition of animal photography to tle thing'. After 16 days had passed_ in the without limitation. But how does it feel Millennium Square. It's it dazzling flash of a fifth of a second flies the always being so far away front home? THE ANIMAL HIMSELF: Bloom stands by one of his photos displayed account of Bloom's lite side-by-side with opportunity. Off the South African coast Admittedly. it is difficult to a certain in Millenium Square PHOTO Loose Pracey-Sinth Friday, October 6, 2006 - www.leedsstudent.org.uk - Leeds Student 9 Interview'Ara extent but Steve has always been sup- MIMEO takes with him on his exploration into the ported by his wife who manages his web- animal's soul. site. Blooms intuitive Our role now is to look towards the In family life and work. Bloom has future, and each of us must take a proac- proven to have an intense and dynamical- nature has an tive role to protect our environment. ly coloured character. He has mastered Bloom highlights that global warming is the eye so that we can all share his opti- amazing capabili- dramatically affecting our climate which mistic vision of the future. The outdoor not only affects us but has backlash exhibition Spirir of the Wild exposes to ty of humanizing effects on the entire planet- "Kangaroos, the general public an extensive variety of its subjects, for example. abandon their keys when animals terrains, climates and habitats. It the heat becomes intolerable." It is true to is understandable why it is difficult to manipulating say that man is only one part of nature. choose a favorite. Bloom was particular- eventually, believing that we are in con- ly sentimental about the elephants that he light and colour trol of the planet will lead us to our end. had encountered which led to publishing to intensify the am just a very small cog in a big this year the stunning book, 'Elephant'. wheel," Bloom states. It takes effort on When observing the exhibition, an indi- viewer's experi- everybody's part to make a difference. vidual's preference may often change His photographs reflect this urgency and depending on his or her mood. Bloom ence foreboding. Bloom is a spokesman for comments on the picture of a clum- the unspoken or those who are unable to panzee with his hand stretched out in the individual spirit and emotion through the voice their words, His exhibitions are rain. to which he comments: "It says eyes of these animals, which really are so accessible to the entire public so that this everything about animal intelligence. similar to us. Bloom's fascination with sense of urgency and foreboding can be because he is looking at the rain. watch- elephants grew because elephant instinct addressed, not ignored. Encounters with ing the rain drops bounce and he is essen- shares many similarities to our own, strange new lands that are himt to beauti- — MAKING AN EXHIBITION OF HIMSELF: Bloom's pictures arranged In tially contemplating what life is all about. "They have family structures. they show ful creatures seems to have made Steve Millenium Square When I look at a picture like that. I real- loyalty and allegiance. The photos exhib- unto a both very humble and a wise man. ize how close the relationship is it their strongly individual personalities," Perhaps he stared far too deeply into the Prif,T C., Louisa Franey-Smith betweenanimal and man. It really blurs Bloom's intuitive nature has an amazing eyes of an albatross, or pondered too long landscape really gave me a sense of how ect will take him scuba-diving, capturing the line between them and us." capability of humanizing its subjects. on his own reflection in a creature that small we really are." images of elephants swimming under- Bloom aspires to move the viewer manipulating light and colour to intensi- had the potential to rip him apart. "In The full-sized photos of Untamed in water in India. The following month he deeply by his photographs, to feel the fy the viewer's experience, whom he Antarctica the beautiful and untouched Millennium Square are undoubtedly will travel to Ethiopia to meet with marvelous to see, especially after dark indigenous tribes 10 where 'dignity. beau- when the cries from Africa. Antarctica, ty and struggle' was once unraveled. Eurasia and the Americas beckon you "flanks to Steve, his free exhibition :Spirit under floodlit sky. However. after read- of the Wild has given us the possibility to ing the current hardback, Untamed, the respond emotionally by viewing our past. exhibition seems only-to he ;ID introduc- present and future through the eyes tit tion to what Bloom has to offer. The animals, The images lend a sense of book contains over two hundred photo- urgency to our pn.-sent situation and will graphic stills, some not only pull-ow to motivate you to .see past the cute, cuddly- give panoramic views but lend a sense of bear syndrome. Bloom's work has vibrancy and smell. At the moment this proven the link between animal and man. life can still he sustained. but as Mr. The exhibition, ,S.pirif re' the in its Bloom emphasised we are all 'screwing last couple of weeks at Leeds, Luckily it up'. for you. the magically energy tilled Bloom's moving photography passes atmosphere is vibrantly accessible 24/7 by danger and comes from his heart_ the so there is no CXCILNe 1(1 miss nut, Because finished math is one horn of sheer pose- soon like Bloom. the uplifting, visual veranee. believing in and totally under- poetry will soon he roaming abroad standing the subject. Bloom's next pmj- itself.

GRIZZLY: Bloom had to make noises to let the bear know he was coming, Bears don't like surprises, he said 10 Leeds Student yrww.leeitsstudenturg.uk Friday, °einem 6 2006 Debate "Religious Nutcase"

closely related monotheistic religions ing each of his claims - riot a good such as Judaism and Islam proclaim. sign. Many of his arguments have Hind Hassan Mg that a sufficient rebuttal can only heen offered before, only more con- Lifelong Muslim he conceived from a narrow Biblical vincingly The writing on the moon perspective. rebuttal is over eimplified and bus From personal experience the been covered in-depth and analytical- he. -"God. no-God-- debate is tritiSt cntnnuin Iirtes idf debates ten ly by more prominent authors such as prominent wale intellectual trelisee on what Mclean picks up on J L. Schellenbere'e Divine T eiretes. encompassing the the- in the first of 12 'rebuttals. that for Hiddenness and Human Reason. ories of einne of our greenest philoso- the Theist 'the posi ye eleeertion. the McLean leaves the must appealing phers and seientiete aot\ attempt to ',Laden le plied ohm Ciod exists] is chapter till Wet and tellingly dedi- efficiently eileeee el ti.e :ie.... sir on them'. This stems (rum the pract i- cates sin and a half pages to the either end ol the theol,..gleet slice- cal application ol logic possessed by rebuttal of the "Darwin" argumente. :rum would requite a eitinprehensiee -misjority of anti-Delets A rational where: "Time and time Chrigian knowledge or %eel ,icademic areas. backed with scientific proof ie leaching has conic under conflict One cannel partake in a eerious rerpored for a theory to he llwarded with science and science hes alway.,, debate, deleoding the eatetenee of Any degree of credit In Wiener a won-- interesting that Me14411. a God or visa ver,ia.slitiutil itikiy not hc hypotheets is presented through logic postguadirtik in the faculty of well yia 1,;(4.1 in in olukjon .th4 the 1'10• anti theors mid the proved, In the Biological scienees. elsuo>es .to avoid tilriCal euntent of theistic scriptunes. most common mornothetxne religions. any in depth-discussion of the docu- -7. flits serves or hiehlight the •oinples- the hypothesis is presented via the mented diseueemn of naturalism and - ity at attemptine to condense a Holy Scriptures The 'proof' is pro- creanontern. instead we are provided • - - _ -:a'a te 1 - debate of euelt Intricate+. iiiie that bite vided bs. according to .MCIettit, with the comforting notion the, • "Miracles Ilistory and Ethiee" To "Pope accepts es olution" and that 1121.”11 run over centuries. tit to .it A5 heed 7446, • book ler. take up the first point: belief in God although, "finding (Mittel heretical 2.-B# On initial proentalinn of the bold- may ;dims lor acceptance of was a had mistake...sonte of "A-1. —.01/ ins ly •ritled tome I. pursed my lips in Miracles, the preof McLean turns to GalileiVe :arguments where wrong". antiCipation. 12 celeriniti Atheist documented possessors of He wrongly attempts tti pacify the arguments- tailored.). l'antastii.. As a justifiable discontent surrounding life long monotheist I leo e partaken Galilen'e notoriety by claiming that in many a cf.1.I 1e kilt debate with ;tine- although a "radical theory was reject ists itenuettes, polytheists and Iike ed by a scientific establishment" the WC this hoek skates in its opening pa es, li has fact that, "the Church was the ecien- 'the same arguments eeereiedi to he notenii,al of repelling (Hie esteblishmens„landl invented coming up time and time iti•ain" At modern Science" should rectify the long last I ',vas to be presented with a Agnctics with it's misunderstanding. comprehensive guide to sin:telling my condemnation of lib- Most definitely, my favourite opponents. Eagerly turning the first quote following the assumptions lhal page I awaited the deep intellectual e-rai society and con "Most Atheist.. or people 111 general, insight into the neurological temporal traception. are not particularly intelligent nor lobe and the role of creationism vet particularly well educated" and. .us naturalism sprinkled with dashing "Many Atheist have at least one of Darwinism. "Stigmata" - have already been tailed sexual relutiouship" is the irra- Alas, ms entbusitistn was short- rejected se. McLean also rightly tional commetilur) that. 'Hy the time lived, no sooner had I delved into the points out. " If you are not convinced you read this it is most likely that the first No Evidence" argument 1 sound of the essential truth and goodness of mural weaknesses of the Islamic rcti- myself struck by scene rather their cause, then there will he meson gton will have become too obvious to ambiguous and seemingly contradie- to doubt their triahlulness". This need further education". Surely if the ay, tory statements; a trend embedded point Is rewritten in various w argument is so strong it would he as an see. within all 71 pages. Philosophical throughout the book and h woreh ample elucidation. negations form the crux of the books' meat of truth to it: Atheists make a Written with a level of contempt mechanics. McLean. rather than positive claim that God does not and resentment of the individual entangle himself in a coercive debate. exist, therefore tackle theism with an Atheist it has the potential of chooses to partake in idealistic dis- understandable or of scepticism-and repelling Agnostics with its condem- contra- cussion dogged down by his obses- distrust. This point though le benign nation of liberal society and that sion with semantics. The only and is not evidence for the proof that ception. The generalising claim attempt at delving into the realms of recorded Miracles arc factual. The eMittaCeptiCin means, "most children angIe of evidence demanded (ruin have their first sexual experience The Debate science is the "Darwin argument'. on to have a even then skirting around the appar- Atheists, what I have found to he the whilst still at school_ -go ent miscibility of religion and cvnlu, stalemate 01 debate. is one similar to series of casual affairs, cohabitation. marriages followed by divorce" lion. From the "Jesus Myth" no the the molecular anti morphological Sni- We've sent two of our staff writers "Evil Bible" arguments, the book de-nce used to prove the evolutionary ignores the same complications that appears to defensively give a justifi- hypothesis. As Truth in Religion by occur with a teligious environment, away with McLean's book for a cation of specific Biblical contexts Mortimer Alder puts it, religion is an we need look no further then the rather than offensively prove the "article of faith." a proposition that monarchy. week to see what they thought of existence of God. cannot be proved but can he "dis- McLean offers nothing innovative It is worth noting that the title is proved by the proof of propositions in his defence of theiton. His logic, it. One a lifelong Muslim, though occasionally has potential glaringly misleading. "From a that are their logical convenes or , and the other an equally- Christian Catholic perspective" contradictories." grounding, is generally longwinded, would be more fitting as the book Though each point may have a over simplified and irrelevant, Rather dedicated Atheist, provides a rhetorical defence specific certain level of theoretical punch than refute Atheist arguments he an to the beliefs of Catholicism. This they, by no means, provide scientific merely exposes himself as Each has written an article based automatically complicates my posi- proof to repel evolutionary concerned Evangelical with possibly too much tion of a theistic analysis as I am not Atheist. All the arguments within the time on his hands, on their reflections. provided with an overview of the hooks are, as stated, very common. general defence of Deism. On the What the author fails to mention is contrary; McLean chooses to solidify the monotony of his replies. I, a the- Atheistic arguments against other ist. could conjure my own hook ratio Friday, October 6, 2006 www.leedsstudentertuk Leeds Student 11 Debate "Godless Communist"

biased polemic just isi I agnostic will. rationally at least, see Patrick Nixon from my parents-. Anil vi u'it he that the theist claims pertaining to the right 11 this iN the hest Christianity reality and existence of God are Committed Atheist has to reply to its critics with, then impossible without suhrmiting to cir- Jesus Christ will be turning in his cularity. grave [sic'. In his The most poweritil relination 01 "Liberalism- chapter McLean the Bibles' %shish is \ktiiih: his hook is available online. I attempts at first to discredit the liber- McLean and oilier Chositan theists won't tell you where because I al ethos prevalent in the west as ill 11:111.1gAIV Est !be bulk nl their hobsit• T don't want people to laugh at conceived and simply "someone who is The (iospt1 of Thomas Whilst ft, assertive theists the way that I do supports the fashionable cause of the origins and precise wording are sull- now. The blurb on the website selling mortient".What becomes oh.,-ions in ied to intense debaie. what it cleailv this hook confidently says "Short and this chapter Is that although Malcolm shows is that these is more Man one readable., it drily exposes the weak- attempted Lu claim to the introduction way to understand the philosophy nesses of many atheist positions, that his views are pretty regular and man that tvai,, .1C5U‘L. An atheism whilst treating their serious argu- Christian viewN, acceptable to may Use the Gospel of mamas to ments seriously'', The short bit is Catholics. Protestants and other S110 us thin the four 4aininised Gospels right: at only 71 pages it seems rather Of the Church, lie's are not the complete representation or rob short to challenge a whole belief only writing for pretty far-right Jesus and the founding theories of system. McLean makes on more than catholic%. After basically just:tying Christianay Alternatively the atheist one occasion the assertion that the the crusades as military action to may•cite the vastly different., almost basis for atheism stems from Marxist eliminate a -virulent" and war-juFai- converse, nature of what appears to theory: to put it bluntly he calls the lying reltgion, namely Islam. and he the teach:op 14. Jesus to the four majority of atheists Communist agita- likening the current US cspednitm canonised Gospels to cast doubt on tors of questionable moral character. into Iraq as a modern day virtuous the whole Bible. This completely Now there will he those of you out crusade. McLean proposes the well- loretu representatiOn of Jesus tails to there that have been brought up to rehearsed conservative attitude that get a mention from McLean and as agree with McLean on this point, but sexual promiscuity and deviance as a such hiktiligfits the distance betwez..n if you're nitrated then you'll probably result of freely available eontracep- what atheist arguments really ate and be quite offended by Mel,eares per- Linn makes up the scourge of modern the material included in 12 Common sistence at calling all atheists society. What about climate change Atheist Argumenr.i• (refuted) Commie troublemakers. Firstly, Malcolnr., Isn't that rather more McLean does address the issue of where does he get this ideal' Has he important scourge of the whole haw problematic it is to take the word gone out and asked the majority of world-' Not al.71:1/1.41i4).• 11) Nt114:011-11, of the bible as the accurate and dis- ailicists their political leanings'' Ilr ber:atise Jesus didn't na1l ;shimt tinct word of Jesus Christ but. unable Liss every atheist he 's ever conversed rime chattee to show that there is any definite with kindly added "and by the way I The fundamental problem of proof that at least one saying, or act just love that little hook written by McLean's hook is that it presumes a was definitely Jesus', McLean oftens that beard', German fellow, what was foundational faith in God, whilst this no response to the atheist position his name' Oh yes Mart, that's right " is understandable as the hook is writ- that he incoherently expounds in the Sadly_ this basic, to the point of being ten for Christians to reply to their "Jesus Myth" chapter. McLean misses offensive, assertion sets the tone for critics, it answers no arguments from the point that a perfectly defensible the rest of McLean's book, oh and the atheist that such presumed faun. and highly potent view of the actuali- secondly, if you're a Muslim- he calls dational belief is. itself, logically ty of Jesus. held by more than a few yon "inrellectually backward' Mien wrong. ii is clear that McLean sees atheists, is that whilst there may or or and Jihad-prone Nice touch this weakness in the theist belief sys- may not have been a popular preacher Malcolm, 1 didn't know being a big tem and so tries to weaken the atheist by the name of Jesus. the Christian fan of Jesus rnitornaticalk ttrrned yon position in the same way by saying Bible can in no way pertain to accu- into au obnoxious, ignorant moron rately be. that man's words or actions. with a pathological inferiority complex. but clearly in your case it does. With Ma WU 11 lust he Enough hyperbole and pseudo- „awauilk beginning to tercel some of his more 110,110111MINI, slander. getting down to what this If you're flOrfa ii d racist and reactionary drivel and think hook is really about any reader will you're many getting milt sauce Wood The Book expect. atter reading Mel. se's astute then you'll probaWy discussion of theology a hen he whips :iota not km ambitious introduction, be quite offended Out something like "Christian cultuic 12 Common Atheist some sensible answers to sonic sensi- is so manifestly. superior ic Islamic ble atheist arguments, Sadly you'll he ■ Arguments (refuted) is a newly hy McLean's that a-Actium:tit 31. Chrwian success disappointed. If you're a budding the• is inevitable" - WI this book conviert released book by Malcolm 12 Common Atheist Arguments persistence at (refuted) ist like Malcohn and want .something nit atheists who are rounrualc enough McLean, a Leeds postgraduate of to make your loudmouthed (probably calling a atheists to read It if hies C it cited ul them in Computing in Bioscience. The Marxist) housemate finally stop Cotrunie ph-based religion discussion" NU. book highlights twelve argu- screaming refutations of your reli- Will it prON ments commonly used by gions hetet., at you every time you go there that thcic don't have Ti, ilair tor Atheists in debate with believers. down the pub then you'll find the role-call it the pearls gates in be before attempting to disseminate Mclean's hook just, well_ useless that the atheist position presupposes proved right Atom Ciodl So. If you really. Mummy and Daddy worked and invalidate them. The argu- that there is no God. However_ a mod- want either of the .shove read really hard getting you 141 believe in ified atheist position may demand 1.1d:464 COO Lit' on Metaphysics ments he highlights vary from as the big man upstairs, sending situ to that if one was agnostic and thought and the Monadolog). then you'll have broad a topic the Darwin argu- Sunday school, reading hits 01 thy rationally about the Bible and, more some proper reasons to say "Hold -on ment' to fairly specific examples. good book to you when they felt you importantly. McLean's book, with no you damn Commie heathen. you've such as the 'Pauline Argument'. may be wandering from the yin presuppositions of the existence of not refuted my formulation of the His analysis achieve a varying path. and then when you ger to L I I' . .'U11:1 God. which direction would the Necessary Being", What it will do is degree of success, depending on you NUM. having discuss:tons about agnostic lend to? it is the theist camp provide a sometimes funny, some- the reader's personal politics, religion, politics and X factor, only to that has the-responsibility to make the times scary insight into theists' pick up this book and think "bugger. religious belief and the strength positive assertion that God does exist, attempts to answer rational criticisms these aren't answers to those godless and given the theoretical and natural of the issue concerned. of tiod based on prejudice. issiorip- swine, this is just more assertive, attractiveness of Oceam's Razor the tion and irrational faith. 12 Black History Leeds Student vorrodeedssIudentorg.Uk Fridiri, October 6, 2006 What is 13 ack Britamn Race was one of the defining issues of the last century. At the beginning of the twenty first century, JaJ Jia Tint yin assesses the role of Britain's Black community Photos: Patrick Nixon

s hat we had before was the Atm- chance in the social fabric of Britain in the Despite the small progrms in the inte- ( 'an hbean presence in second half of the 1:0th century. the migni- gnition of Black people in British society, Urn WBritain...hut for the first time tnin of Wcst Indians on 'The Empire being Black is a was of Being British". Windrush" to the British Isles marked the haul For many the term Black Britain is a beginning of what some call a new somewhat abstract come'''. a combination "Britishness". of two words. bcali with fervent meaning. With a void of Black people in the UK which when put together conjure a variet y the sudden introduction of a new element The evolution of MlINmaia of thoughts and emotion. was met with hostility and fear. the indigo The absence of Black people in The nar- now. British population seemed to view the the Nottinghill BO Ut rative of British history makes it difficult increasing numbers of Kick people as a for many to relate being Black with being threat to the very nature of British culture: Carnival into healthy good kingErr British. However for over -100 years Black The increased animosity rose throughout Europe's biggest ; 0 bet Frsid people have been pre.Cfli in the British Isles the 50s into the early 90s peaking at sever- as a result of the fallout of shivery :and colo- al points in the form of the Notting street party is nialism. Those who resided here during that Riots in 1958. the Broadwatcr farm riots in period made contributions to our history. 1985 and the Brixton race riots in 1995. testament to the Thee expressions of violence. anger and power of cultural (cat were, to grace the front pages of news- papers and headline news bulletins for sev- acceptance eral years, however despite the tensions between these various groups. behind the `Aint no Black scenes was a developing phenomenon which was not entirely Afm Caribbean or "the system" filtered out any attempts or on the Union British. but a concoction of the two appar- the black community to make any signifi- ently different cultures. cant impact in politics or political debate. Jack' focuses on The generation who arrived in Britain in The eta of Thatcherism undermined the the 1950s. whilst at that point not fully inle- efforts of the Black political voice; arid saw the apparent t:rating into their new home, had found a the eriminalisation of the black con ununity. blindness of place within the society and culture where with ongoing debate of 'black and crane' they now lived. The perception of their sub- and 'black youth and policing'. Ain't or British working class role was elevated by the ele- Black in the Union Jack. a book written by ments of culture they brought from whatev- Paul Gilmy. highlighted metal politics in Politicians and er part of the world they came. Slowly de- the UK. focuses on the apparent blindness rmas of foreign cultures began to percolate of British intellectuals and politicians to die intellectuals to into British society through the groups of problem of race relations in England. The the problem of West Indian and African communities volatile racial polities of the day took place ;.; mural the country who imported their dis- against a background of successes within race relations in tinctive musical styles, food and art to the the black community. During this period UK. These things were able to attract Trevor Macdonald became Britain's first England groups of people from all backgrounds and black TV reporter. and went on to be one at temporarily melt the boundaries, which Britain's most celebrated News pmenters existed outside the walls of a dancethall. Horace Use made what is considered to k restaurant or gallery. The evolution of the first Black UK feature film "Pressum" which many omit or overlook however Notting Hill carnival into Europe's largest and sporting success in the form of Dale, their impact. remains undeniable which ever street party is testament of the power of cul- Thompsons' Olympic decathlon vim). JERK OFF: Bout Time, which serves Caribbean fare, is a favourite for arena you explore. tural acceptance in breaking preconcep- and Nigel Bean's World Middleweight lovers of Jerk Chicken, rice & plantains However the arrival of the Windrush tions, albeit for a period of three long, hot championship win amongst several others P∎∎ Patrick Nixon generation was possibly the most important days of summer. Slow progress in the area of raterels- • • S -4-

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In Day 12 CONTENTS

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r I I I I pg 3hree/lowdown 1 I 1 1 pg Sive/richard & chris i I i i pg 6ix/oxjam 1 I 1 I pg Tven/maggot 1 i 1 i pg 8ight/leeds, camera, action i i i i pg 10en/gyms run ragged 1

i 1 pg12 wevemusc l / i i i pg 14ourteen/clubs i 1 i i I pg 16ixteen/fashion news 1 I I i pg 18ighteen/arts i i I i pg 20wenty/books 1 i 1 i pg 21wentyone/e

pg 22wentytwo/tv i 1 pg 30hirty/observations

. LS / Editor2 - Ben Schofield / Associate Editor - Steven Smith / Lowdown - Poppy Kemp & Olivia Marks / Features - Christina Morris / Music - jonny Price & joe Dennett / Clubs - Sophie Barnes. Vivien King Macdona & Katie / Arts - Mark Mackay & Tom Foster / Books - Chris Tedd & Katie Dunn / e - Tim Sevenths I TV - Andrew Edelston & Laurie Whitwell / Regualrs - Richard Woolley & Chris Dixon / Photos - Patrick Nixon & Emma Dalzell / Design - 011ie Langride & Hanneka Kilburn / Proof reading - Vicky Sharkey Front Cover - Emma Daizell & Erin Leeds Student newspaper, Leeds University Umon, PO Box 157, Leeds, LS1 1U 1; (0113) 3801 450;1s2©lsweb.org.uk JERK J lover pg2/contents/ls2/061006 13

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relative came to as nine: already nursing. my step► rtance of o...Octo bees here. Great. Just two 1f you're not studying medicine in some form, or any and fur- Fully Stocked Fridge and a half months till Christmas, other discipline that might actually get you a job ew up in simply nothing goodwill and peace on earth and all that. Can't wait. My when you leave uni, then you've most likely got a lot There is ing in, it S better than the second week at university has been a shambles as 1 have done no O of time on your hands. Some may say too much time. u3 ad a lack overwhelming meal work and can't actually stop drinking. I don't have a full blown 11 Without structure you soon begin to deteriorate. Lie- ins dri‘e 116 choices that a groaning get later, waist-bands gets wider and time spent here and problem as far as I know (yet) but still, once I get within a metre of fridge has to offer. LC1 cheap vodka and bitter-tasting tonic I just can't help myself. I've washing your bits gets shorter and less frequent. In nn -s and of o Nothing. they had yet to become violent and/or abusive with desperation for short you've let things go. But it's not only your physical ley were alcohol (hitting a vagrant or giving the finger to shopkeepers for well-being that's suffering from lack of routine and It$ subsequent lack of daylight. Your imagination and ax try Men- no reason) but something tells me that if I carry on in the way I ai come am at the moment then in five years time my liver will probably ('D creativity have taken a kicking too. The most thought provoking decision you've had to make to the past week Free Nights Out 'hey had shrivel up like a dried-leaf and I'll end up vomiting it out after • ° ■is whether to watch Trisha or This Morning.You wake up Befriend every rd sirup- another night on the gin and bitter lemons. Shortly to follow suit ■late and miss both so it didn't matter either way.You're barperson in Leeds by ,o dearly. after that will be my lungs which do not like me smoking the longing to use you're brain again for something more ui whatever means rck com- amounts that I am and their inner lining probably resembles a than finding the remote control, but you don't want to do available to you and you the case dual carriageway. My teeth will drop out, one at a time in too much or you might frighten it and then you'll be soon won't be parting rr in [IN; important conversations like dates and interviews, due to the back to square one. Gingerly pick up a pen, put it to -q with a pound again. amount of Coca Cola that I consume, claiming it helps my energy paper and do a little doodle. See how it feels. Pretty • ions has levels. My skin will look like a leathery sack, my hair like greasy good? Why not do another? In fact why not brace the • need to pubes and my figure like a balloon filled with lard and smeared outside world and take your new artwork to show ties Eli in dog poo. But the thing is, when I look like shit, I'll need the others? Wednesday at Mine plays host to Canvas, the Horlicks they arc vodka/whiskey/ethanol to make myself feel a hell of a lot better new culture club night bringing you a combination of As it gets colder, they are. and confident enough to get out there in the world and start animation, artwork, fashion design, short stories and snuggle up with a mug inc t-on- making something of myself. Bloody Catch-22, isn't it? PK music. Come and witness the delights this innovative of this malty milky drink ceed Iii night has to offer or submit your own creations to and feel instantly warm. tee and [email protected]. This Wednesday you joy and can hope to enjoy: Joff Whitton - One man band multi by nm- instrument acoustic maestro playing loop sets with tu complex vocal harmonies, Synthia - Electra breaks beats inn and synthcore duo, who recently played the legendary Mx Rochester le them- gig at Myhouse with Rennie Pilgrim headlining. DJ Tom In the new BBC adaptation vely - of Bassment Hospital Radio and Garage at Cockpit of Jane Eyre. Fit now, but Orson and Peaches - hats and baps. Nice. fame is to round off the evening. But it's about far more will you still fancy him t Leeds great for music? I mean, doesn't Leeds have a great than the music. Artwork is dispayed on walls and when he goes blind and music scene? Well in some respects, yes it does but in others, it projectors while there is a fashion display, Bring and Buy has a stump instead of a Eally doesn't. For every Gang Of Four there's at least ten Kaiser Art sale, dating game, 20/20/2 Vision films (first hand? Chiefs, the latest of which being Shut Your Eyes and You'll Burst screened at the Hyde Park Picture house), local Into Flames which left me feeling like I wish I had. Anyway, there's publications and creative writing. Don't forget about the student drinks promotions. £4 / £3.50 w/flyer. OM lots of music coming up this week, as there always seems to be in Other people's hair to r y Leeds, so here's a little snapshot of what you could be soaking up. Perhaps nice to look at and Saturday. Scaramanga Six at the Brudenell Social Club. admire, bloody revolting Scaramanga are an odd-looking bunch who play even odder- when you get it in your sounding music. Having witnessed them rocking out supporting The mouth whilst queuing at the en ,..:....le- Fall about a year ago, we pledged never to have to go through such bar. Stop shaking it about t)vtiolser hell again. But you might like them.Think Ramrnstein crossed with like Brian May for God's es blael aime the Nickelback Sunday: NI stay in tonight.You could see Madlib, or sake. ick cum- alternatively watch the new BBC adaptation of Jane Eyre. I know what Td do. Tuesday: At Cockers tonight (Cockpit for those of you not Short Days )ion into jaunty abbreviations for venues) Peaches will be shaking her You wake up with the brations dick and impeaching her bush. Shell also hope to fuck the pain best intentions to do with a away. Don't worry, these quips are merely song titles but this gig work/tidy/shop but s for all could well be worth a watch as Peaches is notoriously salacious and somehow it's already a Black dirty and will probably get her tits out and rub her bits. Nice, if 6pm and you're not even peaker•of. anything. Wednesday: Way-hey it's Orson! They're so cool and dressed. they'll be shakin' the Refectory to its core tonight, no doubt, Let's of her- face it, they really won't because they're awful and their lead singer s impor- never takes his hat off. Never trust a man who always wears a hat. tr mem- Thursday: Did anyone really like the Manic Street Preachers back Fire Drills )1 Leeds when they were alive and in the charts? No? Thought not.Why James Understandably Dean Bradfield (a man seemingly obsessed with triple-barrelled necessary in certain names) thinks it's a good idea to go solo is anyone's guess. See him institutions, e.g. schools, events tonight at The Cockpit if you want. PK but not appreciated in to Black nightclubs. so what if everycine else in the entire world that you're vaguely Lt L -Matove Top 5 Things to do on a night in...alone' acquainted with has something better to do than see you? That doesn't mean you still can't have a good time, albeit by yourself. L Fix something. That radio's been bugging you for ages. Who cares that you haven't got the first clue as to hew to open the back to get the batteries out, let alone fix the damn thing. It will definitely wile away the hours. 2. Bake. Make loads of cakes, cover the kitchen inadvertently in flour, use all utensils and don't wash up. Just make sure you've got a really good hiding place when your Rummaging through ''n l);; housemates return baying for your blood. 3. Gameboy. Beg, borrow or steal if you haven't got one anymore as you gave it away when you were 12 Bins s1 thinking you no longer had any use for it. Idiot. Find one and you'll fall in love with Tetris all over again, believe us, 4. Snooping. Everyone's gone out, now If you're homeless and you can start having some fun. Put on all your housemates clothes, eat their food and trash their rooms. When they return, lie in a naked heap hungry then fine. If not, crying something about burglars. 5. Make puppets. Get some wooden spoons, paint on a face and you're away. Look who's popular now, then what the hell are you 0 doing? Stop it. words/ poppy and olivia (elastic waistbands please) pg three/lowdown/ls2/061006 12

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The next phase of Luuonline.com has now been launched. If you are a student at the University of Leeds you can now log into the site and tell us what information you want to receive from your Union.

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JERK !oven

promise to walk on the face of film like Snakes on a Plane. The the next person who approach- selling point being that the film- I es me with the sentence ''It makers are fully aware just how knows it's bad so that makes it poor the film sounds on paper 'itain good" with reference to the film and just how ridiculous it will Snakes on a Plane. A month after look on the big screen. But the !sident the release date it's still happen- fact that they know that and their ing. Last week at a party, where ability to detach themselves from my acquaintances were few and ever having to take responsibility relative friends fewer, I was cornered by for it (protected as they are by came Ii' an eager ironist who put me their audience's keen sense that it% nine: l8 through an awesome trial of they could do better if they want- already email/ [email protected] patience and physical restraint by ed) saves them from appearing nursing. richard is an english finalist talking at length about how self like tasteless idiots and allows my step. awareness and a silly name are a them to turn piss taking into prof- ranee Of recipe for great art. I tolerated it it. and fur- then out of prudence, but that was And the joke seems to be firmly ee up in absolutely the last time. on the cinema goers who flock ilia in. it OK, in Hollywood terms the and pay to see a film they expect, Ltd a lack movie did unremarkably at the nay, they actually want to be a lie drive box office, it barely broke even in complete turkey. The more stupid, here anti the US and altogether made about cheesier, more outrageously and of $30million worldwide, but Christ opposed to the level of quality a they had that's still comparable to the gross viewer might expect from New ley were domestic product of Montserrat, Line Cinema, the better. I can't khy their and it's a hell of a lot to spin on imagine an easier way for a studio id come irony alone. The fact that Samuel to make money: churn out low le) had L. Jackson knows he's behaving budget, badly written nonsense, rd st rug- stupidly could account for a por- sell it as low budget, badly writ- o dearly tion of the figure. but certainly not ten nonsense and wait for it to be IA coin- all of it. A keenly honed sense of acknowledged as clever, subver- the CaSe self-aware intellectual slumming sive contemporary art. its in Itri has to account for the rest. These production values are not One thing people often fail to new however: studios have been ions has spent a week at the end of the sum- noid about being helpful, that they for- realise about heavily ironic ges- making tripe for years. Who could need to mer on a holiday for people who get what it feels like to have indepen- tures is the essential snobbery forget such favourites as ties By I are visually impaired. My role, dence. I could have followed my that goes along with distinguish- Heartstopper; a trashy cliched ihcy are apart from to have loads of fun, was to friends around, pointing out hazards ing between that which knows it's slasher film set in a dilapidated he) arc. act as the 'eyes' for a different person and cutting the food on their plates. bad and that which is actually just hospital. Or the absurd Feast mg eon- each day. I didn't have any experience but would that have helped them? bad. A good example is the recent (tagline: "They're Hungry, You're eeed la working with blind people, or anyone These two people lead independent, trend of university 'chav' balls, Dinner"). Both films were pge and with any kind of disability, so to say I exciting lives and I'm sure they would which I've seen evidence of on released recently, both were poor- iety and felt like I was thrown in at the deep find it insulting if I treated them as campuses all over the UK, but ly conceived horror-thrillers yet It. com- end would be a real understatement. though they were blind, deaf and which are particularly popular at both are practically unheard of. to MI-1u- After about five seconds of hanging immobile. Unfortunately, I received an Oxbridge. Here groups of under- Where's the justice? inly can out with my new travel companions at email from one of my friends about his graduates can dress and behave That's the thirty million dollar lc them- Heathrow airport in a really awkward journey from Heathrow back to as disgustingly as their wildest question. And the annual turnover cly. to circle, forgetting everyone's names as America, By this stage he was on his stereotypical fantasies will allow of a small Caribbean country soon as they passed through their lips, own, which is something that presents them, without actually having to answer is that there isn't any. A I realised there had been no need no problem for him when given the hang around outside McDonalds sophisticated sense of irony is 4Ji whatsoever for me to be nervous. It right assistance. He tried at three dif- of a Saturday afternoon, or ever now all you need to sell out the- soon became apparent there is a ten- ferent points to get some help navigat- seriously worry about unemploy- atres, create a healthy cash flow dency to treat people with disabilities ing his way to the departure gate. ment. Part of the fun is ignoring and control the conversations of a with kid gloves, watching every word When he at last found someone who how drastically different your life million parties. Depressing isn't and patronising them, perhaps acci- would take him there. they insisted would be if you behaved like this it, dentally. that he had to ride in a wheelchair. all the time. itory The first time the wine was cracked This guy is an extremely capable And a similar attitude afflicts a open, my brain kept telling itself, rehab worker who walks to work "Don't say 'blind drunk"' for fear of every day and managed to get from offending someone, but when eventu- San Francisco to Rome without a hitch, iktoher ally it slipped out everyone was in so to be told he has to be pushed stitches. It turns out they were fans of around the airport like a child in a 4 ling the blind puns. pram really irked him. ik Within a day I felt completely cairn Aside from these problems, my hol- r. and natural, so it was time to start iday was amazing because I learned ion will playing jokes on the general public. new ways of seeing things. When I brat ions After a day out in Florence, during travel on my own. I feel like I 'see' a t witha which a Japanese tourist fell over in lot, but this holiday taught me that I s for all the street because she was staring so was looking not seeing. Challenging a BlaeL hard at my friend's cane, we realised yourself to describe something to a peakerae there was endless potential to play person who can't see it forces you to with people. examine it much more closely, further- email/ [email protected] of fier- My favourite occasion was in a self- more, you are encouraged to explore chris is a broadcast journalism finalist impor- service restaurant at Rome airport. I with your hands, your nose and your r min- was sitting with two of my visually ears. I always wondered who bought t' Leeds impaired friends drinking beer and those miniature models of monuments eating pizza. It was time for a refill, so from tourist stalls, then I saw one com- they volunteered to get the next pletely blind guy visiting the events round. They got up and were navigat- Coliseum with his hands and realised e Black ing the chairs and fridges, examining what a great idea they are. every can they passed. They were fast We have a lot to learn in this coun- approaching some stairs which I knew try about making services more babwe they were aware of, but the people in accessible to people with disabilities. the restaurant were beside them- Most people don't want to have to ask selves, fidgeting in their chairs and for help because they are used to shaking their heads in my direction. leading independent lives, but until on Day Their discomfort really set us off, so people in public services receive bet- when we had our beers in hand we ter training (perhaps we should send raised our cans to them while I raved them on the kind of holiday I went about getting free access to places on?!), the over-helpful clumsiness will with my blind pals. prevail. I guess some people are so para- .a pg five/regulars/Is2/061006 OX AM

Taking place all over the country, with a month of gigs being staged in every major city in the U.K, Oxjam is shaping up to be not only a great charity event, but also an excellent platform for the recognition of new music and local talent...

vents kicked off on Sunday with an exclusive performance from twice Mercury-nominated folk favourite Eliza Carthy in the intimate surroundings of The Mixing Tin (a review of this gig can be found in our folk and worldE music feature which will be out at the begin The Voom Blooms ning of November). Music will continue throughout October. with a wide range of events, many with a show the others how unique twist, There's a series of exclusive gigs in Leeds city centre Oxfam shop including local it's done favourites The Lodger and Duels, plus an exhibition of gig photography for sale in-store through- 55 out the month. Hugely popular Wakefield trio, The Research are doing a homecoming special in the beautiful Chantry Bridge Chapel and there are plenty more suprises to be announced in the coming weeks. The Wrath Records all-dayer, 'Wrathstonbury', on October 7th at The Brudenell Social Club ('home tapier is killing music') sees a number of Wrath Records acts display their talents, including Scaramanga Six, Being 747 and Napoleon RIM Dilater in the month, the Brainwash Festival from October 20th-22nd will see some of the best band. sort* in Leeds and from further afield, including Sky Larkin, This et al and iLiketrains, do their bit for the cause. Other events include a Swing Night in the Brudenell Social Club, world music in Hyde ------• -.. Park's Moorish restaurant, and a special screening of the original Shaft at the Hyde Park Picture .191.4 de House. Local musicians have also been organising :5 their own gigs as part of the festival, with all pro- Doherty?" is met by silence, it is the audience who ceeds going to Oxfam. Headrush (Oxjam) are lying. Pete was the hot topic of the night, "Will Sandinista, the popular cantina bar on Cross he, won't he..". Onto the next band, (good quick Belgrave Street, is organising a mammoth 31 days The Faversham changeovers by the Fay). Concrete Bullet are of events throughout the month to support Oxjam. unavoidably comparable to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. including live music, quiz nights and a specially 2nd October Good enough, but lack of recognisable choruses designed 'Oxjam Cocktail' to add extra flavour to and obvious nerves sends the already sparse the proceedings. Student venues such as The crowd to the dark corners of the venue. This leads Faversham, The Hifi Club, Dr Wu's, The Mixing Tin Headrush @ The Faversham was the first of the to Chiara L's severe lack of applause; maybe she and The Vine are encouraging donations at their Leeds Oxjam nights: starting with Jinzena, a local shouldn't have dressed as Santa's elf. Finally The events throughout October. If you are a music fan band who are apparently "quite well known on the Voom Blooms show the others how it's done. Clear with the new talent fever and don't have a heart of Leeds scene." With a female lead darting between headliners, they impress with their punchy, rhyth- stone then you should take advantage of this great singing and saxophone, electronic beeps and mic, powerful guitars. They've got the look, the oppurtunity before it's gone. squeals and a free CD, they made everyone happy. sound, the frontman and a guitarist with a silly tie; This happiness didn't last long as Catheria took to good things surely beckon. As for Pete Doherty, the stage with a Ishirt stating "If Jesus comes back, after five hours of local talent, it became clear that We'll kill him again." With this kind of band I if he couldn't be bothered to show his support always wonder why they bother writing lyrics, then neither could I. Doherty's no-show, however, • For more information Oxjam then please visit surely no-one is understanding anything meaning- failed to undermine a well organized and well www.oxfam.org.uk/oxjarn or www.oxjamleeds.org ful. With Babyshambles playing at the Refectory recieved showcase of local talent. Off to a flying the same night and expected to make an appear- start. ance later on (it was for charity after all), when words/ tess eaton Catheria's question "Who's here just to see Pete picture/ michael liparato JERK pg6/oxjamils2/061006 lover 4--11 itain

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inns has 'iced ill ties 13\ aggot appeared on the fourth illc% arc series of Celebrity Big Brother, At this point the conversation turns to STDs and Stop startin', fuck Ricky Martin lie Arc, finishing third, behind Michael testing and, of course, the ultimate male terror story: Barryrnore and eventual winner the fabled 'umbrella'. Smelling Britney's bacon Exc.& In But the GLC seem to sing about drugs a fair bit Chantelle Houghton. Aside from drapes without her legs part- tee and this, he's part of the crack rap (by title m 21 Ounces, Draw Club, and mentioned in ing. lets and squadDa known as Go'die Lookin' Chain, or the GLC, the lyrics of almost every other), so I thought I'd be he cora- They're 'Straight Outta Newport' and they've got no oh so witty and ask them: You won't believe the smell l() loth,- idea where they're heading. Fairly surreal for a col- when she does the splits, )ni. can lective which have actually had a number three sin- You guys sing about 21 ounces. If you could have 21 le rhurn- gle. Another dart (as all in the GLC crew are called), ounces of any drug, what would it be and why? She's got a gammy eye and two ‘ek. to P Xain, sits alongside Maggot as we begin to chat. • P Xain: "I'd have 21 ounces of PCP, because of what Although I was well aware of how this interview it does to you." different sized tits, innit would descend into just banter and jokes, I thought I Maggot: I'd have 21 ounces of yapa, it's this new drug Shit To Me might as well keep up the pretense of being serious coming in from Thailand for at least one question: Maggot: "Right, we'll get one taken on our camera However, knowing the reputation of these guys, I here, here's 50 quid, get it in with full colour, nice big "Were you guys mystified by the reaction that Guns thought they were taking me for a ride. spread, yeah?" Don't Kill People, Rappers Do got?" Ah, banter. The best part about it was that a small • No, because it meant something. To somebody. "Sounds a bit like cake from Brass Eye, to me..," part of me believed he was serious. itory Somewhere," said P Xain. And they both fall nearly • Maggot: "It's not like cake. It's the next big thing, Returning to questions loosely based on their wet themselves laughing. everyone's gonna be on ii." lyrics: "I thought it was one of the ultimate bumper stickers, on cele- really. We haven't been sent any but if anyone wants Despite my various efforts (of asking my mates "Have either of you actually tried to grow drugs and searching the all-knowing wonder of Google) kliiher round your Nan's?" n Wad., It was some time back in late though, I cannot find any evidence of this little mys- • Maggot:"Now,Eggsie tried to grow drugs. Adam tery. Icing the tried to grow drugs. Mystikal's got green fingers - his rk ::.orn- `83 Thinking I was being really clever, I thought I'd back garden's like a wildlife reserve. But, the general ask them about those other dirty Welshmen. Benny Blanco was his name point is that most of us are just rubbish at it. We 110ii nlll always fail. There's that national shortage at the and he came round to tea "You guys are Welsh. Have you met the boys from Ural inns minute too. We need to get more people growing 1 with a He made his excuses and went Dirty Sanchez?" weed to help us all out." • Maggot: "Yeah we were on stage with them. They do • lor all to the bog some proper sick stuff, though. We saw them one a Black In their lyrics the guys claim to sell cannabis from pecker Xain found him outside, shag- time and it just ended up with loads of shit every- a Ford Capri: where. Absolutely mental." ging a dog "Has any member of GLC ever owned a Capri?" or her- • P Xain: "My uncle John used to." s irnpor- Dog Porn Like any cheeky scamps, they make their home- Maggot: "My mate Rod does. Lovely cars." town the butt of jokes and a general subject of 111011- it Leeds ridicule. "And, lastly, you rap about dodgy sex manoeuvres to oblige then that'd be great." too. But that sort of stuff can be pretty dangerous if "Is Newport actually as shit as it sounds?" you're going to the extreme.What's your safe word?" Now that I was 100 per cent sure where they want- • P Xain: "The streets are literally paved with gold." events • Maggot: Safe word? to Black ed this pitching, I had a burning question: He laughs. P Xain: Release the ropes! "We have the most sitting areas in an indoor shop- So, who watches dog porn then? ping area of any place in Europe, actually. It's crazy" For about the fifth time in ten minutes, the pair of libabwe • "Dog porn is a very interesting thing.1 once read a them and their small crew of hangers-on fall about story about a man in Germany who had a German To be honest, home for me (Scunthorpe) is just as laughing so hard that they almost fall off their seats. If shepherd and, basically, well..." says Maggot bad: easiest place in the country to buy a gun in a nothing else, it's pretty obvious that these guys are "Dog porn only exists in the imagination," Xain adds. pub, apparently. honestly just in this to have some fun and are enjoy- ion Day ing their time whilst it lasts. And who can blame Quite. So. who's got cock rot then? • Maggot: "By the way, for this interview thing. can we them. • P Xain: "I've had it! Never have sex with any air have a picture like?" words/ paul tail stewardesses. They just travel the world looking for "Yeah, sure. But only with the obligatory dodgy sex. Well, I do anyway." rap hand signs," I add. t's coming up to that time of year again where film and listen club night, reinvented soundtracks and live opens with Mischief Night, Penny Woolcock's bold madness horn around the world descends on Leeds accompaniment from Jeff Mills, John Foxe( and Inecto drama set in Leeds. It's not the only film with a local I for 11 days. The Leeds International Film Festival, School. A diverse range of pro vocative political and connection, as Yorkshire has become the hottest place now in its 20th year, is the biggest in Britain with over human rights films enlighten and encourage debate in the country to produce and shoot films and breed 400 works just waiting to be seen. 16 venues across on environment (A Crude Awakening), empire (The new talent. There's also the extremely powerful the city will show a vast range of films from across the Empire in Africa) and economy (Black Gold). Ahlaam, directed by a former student at Leeds known world; prepare to have culture rammed in your Eccentrics and eclectic cultural phenomena are Metropolitan University and Like Minds, a twisted ears. Even though there's still a month to go until the analysed in Darkon (American role playing garners), thriller, is a UK/Australian co-production that was curtain goes up on 2nd November, LS2 is starting its Jack Smith and the Destruction of Atlantisand Next: a partly filmed in Leeds . preparations early, securing exclusive access to some Primer on Urban Painting. For the first time, the Film of the highlights. Keep reading each week for a run Festival also collaborates in challenging boundaries Shoot down of the best in the festival and quirky gems that with theatre (West Yorkshire Playhouse 's Hotel Shoot is the brand new name of the short film musn't be missed! If you're new to Leeds, or by some Methusaleh) and art exhibition (the LMU's Re- section of the Film Festival and not only refers to the crazy stretch of the imagination managed to miss it Possessed) . physical process of filmmaking but also to the last year, here's a rim down of how the six sections flowering of original talent and innovative ways of works. Fanomenon. story telling. Shoot aims to prove that short films inform the future of the cinematic form whilst Official Selection The Fanomenon section of the Film Festival providing thought provoking entertainment. The Louis has always screened the best genre films from around he Prince Short Film Fiction Award will showcase the The 20th Leeds International Film Festival the world, delivering an exciting mix of horror, sci-fi, best shorts from across the world vying for the award features six major programme sections for which over fantasy, anime and action films. For the 20th Leeds of £1000 provided by the Louis Le Prince Centre for 350 films from around the world have been selected. International Film Festival, Fanomenon is even bigger Cinema, Photography and Television . The Official Selection highlights some of the best new and better, showcasing a heady mix of zombies, httpleics.leeds.aculc for information films of the year, most of them screening as exclusive ghosts, monsters, serial killers and Bruce Campbell! The Short Film Panorama will provide a heady previews, and presents the Golden Owl Competition, The Fanomenon Horror Weekend is a brand new three mix of mini-masterpieces whilst the World Animation which promotes talented international filmmakers that day event, running from Friday 3 to Sunday 5 Award abounds with inventiveness. This country is haven't received attention before in the UK. In a strong November screening the bloodiest, scariest and represented by the Best Of UK Shorts whilst the year for British filmmakers (also see the UK Film. Week weirdest horror features and shorts from around the Yorkshire Short Film Award will see people from this section), the Official Selection opens and closes with world. region attempt to walk a way with the £1000 prize two highly- anticipated films from UK talent: Roger The infamous Night of the Dead VI returns to provided by Screen Yorkshire and Propeller TV The Michell (Enduring Love) directs Peter O'Toole in the Hyde Park Picture House for another night of brochure contains information on the various sparkling form as a veteran actor who falls for a zombies, aliens and genetic mutations to delight programmes throughout the Film Festival. For full woman fifty years younger; and Forest Whitaker plays genre fans who enjoy that sort of thing. Fanomenon details the Shoot Short Film Brochure will be available Ugandan dictator Idi Amin in 3. continues to bring emerging talent to the attention of from venues across the city. Keep checking The Last King of Scotland, directed by Kevin genre audiences and 2006 is no exception with a www.leedsfilrn.corn for information. See all the short MacDonald (Touching the Void). Between them there number of UK and European directors making their film programmes with the Shoot Pass, only £30 , is a diverse line-up of comedies such as Wrong Side debut features, including the ultra-shocking Broken, Up and Dark Horse, the music documentaries Isolation, a tale of genetic engineering gone haywire Devotional Cinema American Hard core and Leonard Cohen: I'm Your and the psychological terror Hole. These films are Man, the archive discoveries Captain Milkshakeand competing with several others for the prestigious The Devotional Cinema section of the Film Poitin, awa rd-winners like Esma's Secet and Along the Silver Melies awa rd. organised by the European Festival presents ra re moments in film, moments Ridge, and the UK Premiere of Kim Ki-duk's Time, The Fantastic Film Federation . where our senses and psyche are united and the ritual Golden Owl Competition embodies the spirit of of cinema feels to be lifted into a spiritual dimension. discovery that drives the Film Festival selection and UKFilm Week Inspired by the writingsof US avant-garde filmmaker the line-up for 2006 is the strongest yet, with nine UK Nathaniel Dorsky, the programme presents exquisitely Pre m i e res of films from Brazil, Germany, Romania, Speaking of genre, Splinter throws off its low crafted films that move through time with poetry and Hungary. Belgium, Poland , Japan, and Taiwan. budget limitations to create an inventive sci-fi drama grace , and balance sensitively between our whilst Scottish filmmakers The Finnigans have come experience of the world and the infinite depth and Cinema Versa up trumps once again in Bits 'n' Bites. If you fancy a luminosity of the screen The first half of the series laugh, then Jam, Hardcore and The Penalty Kingwill presents six essential features including Into Great Cinema Versa is the exciting new strand provide you with a very British sense of Silence, Philip Greeting's new meditation on monastic dedicated to inspirational documentary filmmaking humour. London to Brightoni s perhaps one of the best life in the Grande Chartre use; Ordet, Carl Dreyer 's and the exploration of unconventional cinema. tlX debuts of the past few years whilst Dead Man's rarely screened masterpiece aboutfaith and Expanding the standard cinema experience, Cinema Card sand Colour Me Kubrick, featuring John compassion; Diary of a Country Priest, Robert Versa, like the Fringe in previous years, populates Malkovich, will also be certain to impress. Bresson's pure and exacting story of a new priest's alternative venues from the city's vibrant bars and Interestingly, the majority of movies in UK Film Week struggle with his own belief; and films by clubs to the Holy Trinity Church . The Film Festival 's are debut features and represent the next wave of Michelangelo AntomoneYasujiro Ozu and Kim Kedu.k. new home, The Carriageworks Theatre also provides talent that will carry our industry into the future. Come The Devotional Cinema section continues with a the opportunity to centralise the focus with screenings and discover some of the freshest and most exciting carefully selected programme of avant-garde film, running alongside other strands . Music takes centre films! including the ravishing, complex and rarely screened stage with new docs on artists from cult indie heroes Once again the Film Festival champions those work of Gregory Markopoulos; Nathaniel Darsky's The Pixies (loud quiet loud) to world music stars films coming from our awn fair isle with a wealth of sublime meditations on the everyday!, Jonas Mekas' Amadou and Mariam and free jazz trailblazer Albert features that range from the funny to the shocking, intimate and monumental diary films; and other key Ayler. from the sublime to the ridiculous and from the works by Stan Bralchage, Phil Solomon and Jack Audiovisual experiments flourish in the look painfully real to the joyously fantastic. UK Film Week Chambers_

pgeneedscarneraactioriels2/061006 JERK lover S 13 Chris Fell S itain Film Festival Director. a A whole year's worth of sident outstanding new cinema for everyone is packed into the PRIZE lelative 11 days of the 20th Leeds MitES .:1(. a te International Film Festival. Featuring more films from more countries than ever alreidy before, the full programme a inLytts.siiyro., has become easier to ex p 1 0 If you love brainless blockbusters, teen idols a. ni e of re with our major new city Film Festival talking in the cinema then this isn't the magazisond fur_ centre venue The S for you. Hotdog is a different kind of movie Lin in Carriageworks, an increased Pass: £60 magazine. No celebrity ass-kissing or reviews jj,r advanced See as many films as you like during written by PR people here, Hotdog only td a lack booking period, regular a the whole 11 days of the festival. And all showcases the coolest, the sharpest, the le drive repeats of favourite films, and for only £60, that's cheaper than one classiest, the best. The upcoming issue has the iere and a new pass that gives access Film per day! inside skivvy on two sensational movies. :tad el to more than 220 screenings Guillermodel Toro's masterpiece, Pan's Labyrix for only £60! Find everything Fanomenon andd the comedy genius that is Borat, along witiv, you need to know about a with Simon Pegg. Christopher Nolan, 1 ‘ their what's showing when inside Weekend pass: £40 Casino Royale director Martin Campbell and ; this guide, with the detailed For a whole weekend of horrorific fun, author, visionary and dreamweaver, Garth lie ■had dayby day Marenghi. If that's not enough, there's a fabuloi,Li listings following this pass lets you see the best horror Lin:ni, features & shorts from around the free guide to the Bond movies. Hotdog - its the,. introductions to the six L k nn-. world. magazine for people who live movies, not just sections of the vast pro g as watch them. Hotdog is a an offical media partn ramme - Official Selection, Regular of the 20th Leeds International Film Festival an t Fanomenon, UK Film Week, has a 12 month subscription to give away to on Shoot. Devotional Cinema, and S lucky reader. the most Screenings: extensive section Cinema Want a year's supply of Hotdogs? email us at Versa, the new name for the a £6/£4.50 [email protected] with a good reason why andviiiieneyd nt: Fringe. As the pro g ramme The price for a normal entrance, you'll get stuffed! discounted if you have a student card. cy arc, doesn't stop here, with more a films and guests to be confirmed, any later additions Cinema Versa: red. Iii will appear online at ge and a cry and www.leedsfilm.com. £4.50/£3.50 The price for Cinema Versa showings, y corn- discounted if you have a student card. to a n canan Night of the Dead e them- VI: £15 •ely, to One ticket, one night, a lot of blood. Cllr John Procter a Executive Board Shoot Pass: £30 Member for Leisure A ticket to go see all the various short a Leeds City Council. films throughout the festival. The North of England's a 5 for the price of 4: tory leading annual event, Leeds If you don't want to fork out for a pass, International Film Festival but still have a few films in mind, get celebrates its 20th year with S the buy 4 get one free offer for a slight a brand new home, The saving. But hurrybecause this offer's cc le- Carriageworks theatre on only available before the festival starts. h loher Millennium Square. For 11 a black tint the days in November the Film For more information about prices and Festival will take over The I in, a ticketing you can pick up a brochure from Carriageworks and present today! Visit the website at the biggest programme in Its ton will www.leedsfilm.com history, featuring over 300 or phone the ticket bratirms hours of acclaimed as hotline on 0113 224 3801. Tickets go on with a international film at the new sale from Friday 6th October. for all NI a Black venue alone. This exciting a partnership between a major peak:cm.' Leeds City Council event and her- venue takes place on the eve a of Celebrate Leeds 2007, a nnpor- high-profile year- round it mem- festival marking the 800th S o Leeds anniversary of the city's creation . Celebrating the amazing achievements of a events Leeds and its people. the rte Black festival will be a vibrant and a inclusive showcase for the Jb.11), city's past, present and future. There is so much for everyone to experience in S

Leeds every day, and our L);iy diverse international festivals are a brilliant way to fully so discover the city. S

S 12 GYMS RUN RAGGED

We're giving away £1,000 in a free student draw. All you have to do is text 'GRAND' followed by a

space, your name, age and Don't sweat over your choice of where to work email address to 64446 out - LS2 has looked over the options available between now and 10 and passed judgement accordingly, October: The winner

wandering around. Having gone to Virgin Active a will be drawn at our VIRGIN ACTIVE few years previously, to interview a few people for a job involving topless male waiters, Lucy said that every top that came off was a YES! special Student Night. RATING *** The membership cost came in addition to a hefty joining fee and sadly there were no added Address:Cardigan Fields extras, which, as five of us were willing to sign up Developrnent,Kirkstall Rd, Leeds,LS4 2DjTe1:0845 at once, we found more than a little stingy. 1301555 words/ larissa and lacy

So, good old Ian showed us around the Virgin Active Club in Kirkstall. He had a rather laidback approach. This may have something to do with the fact that Virgin Active has around 8,000 members and is incredibly popular with both students and families_ It is easy to see why, as Virgin Active is Don't miss our special huge, with a wide range of facilities including a 12,000 sq. ft. gym, 2 studios, 25m pool, spa area, library, internet access, cafe/bar and beauty and student night. Lots of treatment store, The facilities all looked good, the highlight being a spinning room complete with, great offers, sound system and flashing lights! Its popularity had a few downsides, though. When we went for our free trial day (on a Sunday) freebies and some of the pool lanes had been closed for swimming lessons and the changing room was full of children with water wings. When we arrived, all discounts And maybe the computers with internet access were occupied and after waiting ten minutes there still wasn't a single free computer. When we chatted to Gerard, a few surprises? a regular at Virgin Active, in the sauna, he said that this was pretty quiet and that it usually got much busier during the week, especially during after- 6-9pm1 11 October. work hours. Although the spa area was a child free zone, it wasn't especially relaxing and had a definite leisure centre feel, rather than the posh '!.7 ;11!= •19t Il.jI ileiWor% fjti. spa feel that we were looking for. The sign in the availats:e spa area that read "The toilets are next to the pool, tiro Ito St .11)1111S not in it" did little to inspire our confidences. There were many other, little things that we noticed were also missing: moisturiser in the changing rooms, towels at the entrance, and, at the very least, some decent shampoo in the showers. A tropical shower was, however, a definite redeeming feature. This is without doubt a gym for people who want to get fit and this is made quite obvious by the number of buff men who were children, no swimming lessons, no hairballs floating 13 ' ESPORTA around, but instead a good sized. people-free swimming pool oozing tranquillity, only to be itain enhanced by the steam, sauna and Jacuzzi that were RATING **** all in view. To add to the relaxing atmosphere, we sident were also thrilled with the dim lighting. No need to Address: Esparta Leeds, The Light, 21 The Light, The worry about the odd patches we missed when Headrow, Leeds, LS1 8TL Tel: 0113 233 7500 shaving our pins. Bonus! yetat 0.e So, as you can tell. Esporta was all we had hoped it came to So with hopes high and banter at the ready, we to be and more, all that was left was to sit down with al; MIK% athletically strolled into Esporta, situated in The Light. Charlie and discuss what he could offer us and of already Oh yes, that's right - not only shops but also a course, the price list. This was where the negotiations ursing. plentiful selection of restaurants all waiting to help began! After fun and games, laughter and tears, ty steps. you to whack those pounds straight back on after sweat and blood, this was Charlie's final offer: tance of your ten minute burst on the treadmill! 44 smackaroonies each month (that's student rate), and fur- It was then that we met Charlie, who offered to Six bottles of wine each, w up in give us the grand tour of the club. We were very Numerous guest passes, rig in. it happy: a fully equipped gym, cross trainers, weights. And two half-price haircuts in the Esporta Beauty 11 a lack fit men and everything else that a gym should have. Salon. drive We were shown the 'spinning' studio (posh cycling to Now for the not so good things. Well, there weren't iere and you and me) which impressed us all, predominantly that many really. The main negative point is the c and of due to the overhead projector which resembled a contract specifications.You can only sign a 12 month hey had television - always a plus point. The studio had contract, but don't panic because you can cancel after !!,, were flashing lights too, you might even want to compare 6 months. So technically, if you cook the books hY their this to a discotheque. So, as you can imagine, a TV in a craftily, you can wangle membership for the whole I come club is not a had selling point! academic year. Once a member at one Esporta, you ley had Once content with the great gym facilities and can gym hop to any Esporta in the UK. (London clubs d strug- selection of classes (including salsa and a self vary) which is always nice to go home to. And that's it o dearly defence class for the ladies) we checked out the really. Oh yes, one other little niggle, if you forget a ek com- changing rooms which were (to our delight) nice and towel and need to borrow a special Esporta one, it'll the case almost obsessively clean. Following this we made our cost you two quid! r,, ill ty);., way to the pool area which was, in a word, 'lush'. No words/ larissa and lacy pow. liaK need to ties. By hey are hey are. mg con- vect. In ge and sly and y cont- to infIll- nly can e them- rely, to

tort'

JOGGING IN PARK SPORTS CENTRE :n cc:L.- 04.101er • hl k RATING * RATING *** iing 1hr I've got to admit that my expectations of jogging in The first impressions of the gym are positive.The ck com- Hyde Park were, if I'm to be entirely honest, fairly environment appears modern and welcoming with two low. Which was convenient, really, as I might rooms: the rust containing equipment designed to lion will otherwise have been disappointed. The facilities develop general fitness and stamina. while a weights hraticals were rudementary at best: I wasn't greeted, given a room focuses on muscle toning-Friendly staff are readily 1 With a tour of the available resources or offered a available to provide demonstrations for those unfamiliar s for all complimentary towel. The man who met me as I with any machinery, while a general gym induction is a Black entered the park asked for a tip straight out, without provided for all users on their first visit. Although praise even the decency to wait for it be offered. There televisions screens provide entertainment, poor were children everywhere, while I have to admit that positioning forces neck craning, which can become of her- I was expecting a rather more discerning clientelle. uncomfortable over long periods. impor- The facilities themselves were sufficient for the Matt space for floor exercises in the fitness room is activity I had chosen to embark upon, although if I quite limited and can occasionally result in cramped Leeds had been aiming to take part in something like conclitions. The gym opens from 7.45am to 9,30pm rowing or weightlifting, I have my doubts that I weekdays, allowing both early risers and late users to would have been well accomodated. To be fair, it make the most of the facilities. Weekends are a different went~ was free to sign up and there were some interesting matter, however, as hours am from just 9am to 4.30pm and ir Black characters around - some gentlemen juggling on a mean that afternoons can become extremely busy. This is tightrope, and some people sitting on the ground hardly ideal for students looking to unwind from a hard doing nothing very much at all - so it wasn't a week's lectures. ibabss e complete loss. The gym offers a selection of pricing options, The fact that, for the duration of my workout, I was depending on how frequently users plan on visiting. neither attacked, mugged or raped also says Single payments of £4 a visa are not really economical , so wonders about the park and the misconceptions I regular users should either invest in a standard Sports ion Day entered the place with. User Card at £45 for the year with 50p charges for each All in all, I would recommend the Park to anyone visit, or the Sports User Card Plus, which weighs in at £90 without money and for whom the better alternative a year but features no visiting costs. All said, it would be of sitting down doing nothing, is unavailable. nice to see more facilities, but for both experienced, and words/ james haddon inexperienced users, the gym offers a reasonable deal. words/ graeme nye

pgl 1 /gym/1010610H 12 CLUBS STEP TO IT! DJ Steppa - no introduction necessary

1)Where have you been DJing recently? 4) Which DJs do you admire?

I've been busy of late especially now that the raving Andy C, Grooverider, Hype and Nicky Blackmarket to season is under way since the start of the academic name but just a few from the world of drum & bass. year. I played in London last Thursday at Pyrotechnic However I'm my own biggest fan and I'd give anything internet radio and then on Kool 94.6FM. I then played to be able to rave on a dance floor to one of my own the 01:00 set at Subdub, my favourite club night held monthly in The West Indian Centre, which I now regard sets? as my home ground just as Oland Road is to Leeds United FC. I slept most of Saturday but played the 5) If you could be any person in musical history who opening set at the launch of Metropolis in their new would you be and why? venue Northern Light. Liam Howlett (The Prodigy) a true pioneer of dance 2) Which tracks would you include in your ideal set? music and the man responsible for my obsession with rave that then progressed onto a career in drum & bass. I pride myself on breaking boundaries and intend to Their early material such as Charly and No Good (Start push drum & bass forward in order to take the music to The Dance) were my introduction to the underground the next level. A tune is only a tune if it does the music culture that has influenced my life in such a big business on the dance floor, that is what I am all about, way. music for people to rave to, it has to be energetic Jump- up D&B with raw, dirty beats & grimy basslines. 6) What have you got coming up?

3) Is the life of a DJ star-studded or overrated? Well 25 confirmed bookings between now and December. Friday 6th all roads lead to the return of I'd say that like anything in life it has both good and Transmission which is the D&B specialist event from bad points. I enjoy what it is I do though and that in Subdub also held on The 'ration Steppas Sound System itself is a gift. I wouldn't have it any other way but it is at West Indian Centre where I'm supporting Goldie, hard work, stressful and very time consuming with a Calibre and my favourite producers G Dub, not to '24/7 work ethos but then again at the same time that is mention a graveyard shift at 05:00 later that night at in what drives me and I think that is where a lot of people Club Mission for the Vibealite 13th birthday bash. Also go wrong when it comes to being a DJ. It requires don't forget to keep your ears open for the release of dedication, determination and self belief, it's not just a "Gangsta Boogie" on Propaganda/Blueprint case of buying a pair of turntables and sitting back Recordings. It is the follow-up to my debut single "Can't ■waiting for bookings to come in. Resist" and is due out in the shops within the next month or so.

TECHNIQUE AND ASYLUM brighter, funkier sounds. Barring the inevitable roadblocks around the toilets and the stairs, the venue JOIN FORCES IN THEIR QUEST brims with character, and as the night draws towards a I ASYLUM close, the melee of bodies decorating the sofas FOR WORLD DOMINATION suggests that no-one is in a particular hurry to depart. In the finest dubbing traditions, it proves to be the Nine months in and 2006 has already given Leeds kind of party that you leave with twice as many friends SEEKERS clubbers plenty to remember it by In a scene that as you arrived with. The only obstacle worthy of note cherishes innovation and thrives on a constant stream is the remedial door policy, which leaves scores of of new material, change is rarely a bad thing, and the impatient revellers waiting outside for the first hour relocation of some the city's more established nights for no apparent reason. Watching from a distance as a has helped to restore their sense of excitement and hoard of hangers-on surround the anxious promoters, adventure. it seems like the Victorian Quarter's best-attired Escaping the soulless cavern of Rehab back in mannequins are staging an impromptu love-in. In spring gave Basics a maseive shot in the arm, but it's fairness though, the clipboard girls make a worthy the permanent union of technique and Asylum that is effort to keep the queues informed and once a group the latest cause for celebration. hi summers past, their of semi-suspicious police are dispatched from the alfresco parties at the Faversham have been a riotous scene, the pieces finally fall into place and the revelry success,and brought an unholy sense of enjoyment to can begin. many Bank Holiday Sundays. Separated from week to Anyone witnessing Herman Cattaneo play to a week for the remainder of the year, the revised format "crowd" of two hundred at the Mint Club over the will see their stellar cast of residents and guests summer must hope that the former host of Technique sharing centre stage at fortnightly intervals_ and Asylum doesn't suffer too much in their absence. Their newest home is a treasure from the days The intimate strobes and polo-shaped seating were a when acid house first assaulted the sensibilities of welcome accompaniment to both nights in recent middle England at the end of the 1980s. But in many years, but like a hometown performer whose gaze is ways, it feels like The Warehouse was designed with drawn by the trappings of success, its clear the this night in mind. The main room's podiums and newfound partnership is moving onto bigger and vantage points are made to be strutted and stumbled better things. With Luciano stepping up for a set in upon and as John Dahlback unleashes a barrage of late October, there is little time to indulge in too much driving tech-house underneath the 7bchnique banner, dubbing nostalgia, Good times lie ahead. the floor literally vibrates with the tremors of every bassline. words/andy lane Upstairs, the wood panelling, antique mirrors and tasteful chandeliers add a more regal touch. Despite JERK the almost volcanic heat, the Asylum faithful sway to lover 13

itain THE WIRE sident It has to be said, Wire is a staple food in an indie- NME's top 100 it-bands isn't what everyone goers diet, it puts the bread in our Daily Bread and necessarily wants, the rejection of some 'too cool for relathe the skinny in our jeans. The anticipation as you walk school' bands only to be replaced by the likes of camel.° down (or fall down... twice, in my case) the stairs is Dirty Pretty Things and Franz Ferdinand just smacks as nine: high. What hits you first is the cave-like quality it of hypocrisy. already possesses, with exposed brickwork-a-plenty around Yet you'll surely find that Wire-goers are friendly ursing. the decent sized dance floor, with cosy little booths folk, and it is usually worth the treck down to the y step dotted around, making it seem both open and corn exchange. If you manage to get stuck in a nee of intricate. booth with people you don't know, you'll almost and fur- w up in It plays host to Fuzzy Logic, now in its 6th year of certainly Fuld a bit of friendly banter about the state of the music being played. Fuzzy Logic isn't new- ng in. rt pumping out what it calls 'new and classic indie d a lack sounds', and I guess it does more or less exactly wave, new-rave, new-whatever, but I guess that's not what its meant to be. If you're after a decent lndie c drive what it says on the tin. DJ Debstar bangs out a ere and healthy array of Bowie, Madness and the like , with a night without the regrets of choosing a dud-club, then you won't go too far wrong with this! tiand ot dose of more modern classics like Arctic Monkeys he had aand Kings of Leon. However, where the 'new indie nd Kings of Leon. However, where the 'new indie sounds' come in. I'm not exactly sure. Many wire were sounds' come in, I'm not exactly sure. Many wire , hy their goers are disappointed at the lack of more up and goers are disappointed at the lack of more up and coming bands like CSS or the Klaxons, admittedly conic coming bands like CSS or the Klaxons, admittedly hey had enjoying what there is on offer, but definitely enjoying what there is on offer, but definitely wanting d gruur- wanting something more. Furthermore, the overtly dearly. pretentious nature of DJ and the sign above her ek coin- saying 'no Killers, no Kooks, no Kaisers', is surely words/jonny leighton the case alienating Wire's core vote. Whilst a run down of rs in na:

has MISSIONARY aced to ties. By hey. are POSITION hey are. ing can- I went to Mission to sample their new Wednesday 't:ed. In student night, Missionary. Arriving just after midnight. ge and the initial signs were promising. The newly-refurbished cry and club looked smart and welcoming from the outside. and 1) 1:0111- the lack of a queue and very reasonable £4.80 entry fee it' !Unli- were refreshing to see. After walking through the nk can entrance, the dubber is greeted with the unisex toilets e them- directly in front and two rooms to each side. It was time yely, to to explore... However, my initially buoyant expectations swiftly deteriorated. The room to the right of the entrance, THE METRO whilst playing a mix of upbeat party songs, seemed somewhat soulless: there were pockets of dancing but there did not seem to be an overall, coherent groove. The volume of the newly-installed sound system was fairly RANT POLIS low and it was not projecting sound very well. The other main dance-floor, to the left of the entrance, was also s tory So here's my problem-why don't men have mobile Ah Northern Light- never afraid to push the lacking in vibrancy, in spite of the pumping house phones all of a sudden? Let me give you an example, 3 boundaries. When i was last here the walls were soundtrack. example in fact: Since i got back to uni, newly single adorned with condoms and various lingerie for what they aptly named their 'Amsterdam sex night'. The right-most room (the Annexe, formerly Arch 54), n cele- i've met one brunette Led Zep fan who gave me his features a bar, balcony and dancing area, classily October friend's number, so i text him for a week without This time around the affair was a whole lot more decorated with mirrors. The DJ was playing an N black realising it wasn't his number Then there was the classy to herald the return of Metropolis to Leeds, interesting mix of breaks and electro, interspersed with ing the shaven haired overly sweet Mike, who didn't have a apart from the ominous liquid dripping from the the disco-funk of Prince's "1999", staying true to 'k cotil- mobile (despite claiming to have a Mercedes) and gave ceilings, water? No, sweat. Nevertheless this was a Missionary's music policy of "an eclectic mish-mash of me his mother's (!) number and his work number. One night for the big names with Pendulum heading up house, breaks, electro and drum and bass", lion will would expect men who can afford drinks in HiFi to have a pretty damn near perfect line-up including Steppa, Ratpack and Friction. All these DJs apart However, at around 1:30am, something remarkable hrations a phone surely? This week the boy in question is a from Pendulum being pretty much new to me happened. Everyone seemed to move from the other 1 with a beautiful Californian on exchange to Leeds. Guess before Saturday night i can now confidently state rooms into the "party tunes" room, and the sound system s for all what? No phone. It doesn't seem a lot of money for a that these are guys who are in their element when and smoke machine were cranked up. The music a Black mobile when you consider the £15 entry to Northern presented with a turntable and expectant public. changed to old-school rave classics (The Prodigy's "Out peakeryr• Light that he'd quite happily paid. Is this a reality? That The crowd were ceaselessly enthusiastic and the Of Space", accompanied by impromptu scratching) and men are turning off their mobiles? Dot attract an anti- sweat and over-crowding only seemed to fuel the frantic of her- technology set of men. or men who think 'she'll do for energy. A £18 entry fee and average £3 drinks may drum 'n' bass (three Pendulum productions in a row). The impor- tonight but god forbid she contacts me in the future!' Or have dampened proceedings slightly for some but DJs were clearly having fun and their enthusiasm was ir IMM- does this represent our generation of men (especially on the whole this crowd were determined to have a infectious: clubbers were dancing wildly, fists pumping O- Leeds our generation of male clubbers) who go out to pull, but good time and extortionate drinks prices weren't about to put them off. The adoration could have the air in ecstasy, the disorientating effects of the smoke if she won't come back to theirs after the last song contributing to the madness (although the £1.50 bottled beer of coffee before easily made the acts complacent; basking in their there is no chance of buying her a beers were presumably an important factor as well!) In events she puts out. newfound hero status, but luckily these guys were pretty keen on showing everyone a good time. spite of the elegant refit. Mission now seemed to possess c Black a satisfying grinuness, a perfect environment for the Ring any bells? Feeling the need to vent some rage? From Evil 9's grime stylisings to Friction's hip-hop influenced set it was a classy example of DJing fro crazy antics. By 3ant• everyone in the room was a sweaty Send us your own rant (anonymously if you wish) to and dishevelled, yet smiling, mess; departing the club to ihahwe start to finish. 'Nuff respect! leecLs [email protected] the (somewhat unexpected) closing track of Foci Fighters' ''One By One". words/charlotte coleman words/sophie harries This was definitely a night of two halves: how the atmosphere transformed from cheerless to electric was ion Day so bizarre as to be implausible, albeit welcoming. As a venue, Mission is great: and I would cautiously recommend Missionary on Wednesdays, but my advice would be to arrive late! words/nick polydor

pg113/clubs/ls2/061006 using just his laptop, an acoustic guitar and a TV set with a particularly bad case of static. The ALBUMS vocals, which he apparently had to almost whisper to avoid disturbing the neighbours, are sparse and indeed at times barely audible, yet do possess a THE LONDON certain lush (and undeniably feminine) quality. APARTMENTS However, of the four tracks on offer here, only the opener 'Streetlights are Soldiers,' with its lilting logistics and guitar loop and oblique references to going for a navigation ep walk alone, really makes a lasting impression, with Beggars Banquet the remainder rather washing over you, at least on the first half a dozen listens. Perhaps in a different What is it with industry hacks and PR departments' context, this wouldn't be the case; the first two current obsession with placing every new batch of tracks here are lifted from a Canada-only LP, with bands' output into ridiculously-titled musical the second pair newly-recorded for us Brits, so it brackets? Am I alone in cringing inwardly could be that this release suffers from this cut-anu- whenever I read about 'shroomadelica', 'avant- paste effect. However, as it is, I would only jazz' or - heaven forbid - 'emo' ("Y'know, it's 'cos recommend it to true aficionados of this style of they're, like, singing about real emo-tions, man!"). music, whichever box you might chose to put it in. 1 mean, call me a radical, but wouldn't it just be (5) better to let you know what they sound like? Or, assuming their lyrical content has a little more words/ mark armitage substance than most of the eye shadow-wearing pretty-boys who seem to fall under the latter THE PIPETTES category, maybe even what opinions they're trying we are the pipettes to express? memphis industries My reason for raising this issue is that, whilst scanning the internet for further information on Uh-oh, I don't really want to like the Pipettes, and The London Apartments (actually just a guy called for the most part I don't, but how can I get these Justin, as it turns out), I found myself wading stupid songs out of my head?! They're advertised through a veritable quagmire of such as 'a glorious, Technicolor knee in pop's groin', but stylised/stylistic jargon; the genre alternately their attitude kind of annoys me. One moment being referred to as 'indietronica,"ambient' and they're all 'oh boy I don't want you' etc. etc. and 'Scando-space-pop' (alright, I made that last one the next they're singing 'dance with me boy all up). Even the press release accompanying this through the night' They're not attacking pop, disc is littered with talk of 'bedroom doodles' and they're creating it. And as for Technicolor, I don't 'glitchy electronics'. All of which is basically an think three Primark Polka-dot dress wearing effusive way of saying that this EP sounds a bit like harmonisers really come close to the Technicolor those experimental Scandinavian bands whose sound being produced by the likes of CSS or music you may own (Sigur Reis), and possibly some Klaxons at the minute. of those who, if you're anything like me, you Yet it has to be said, there are some decent probably don't (The Radio Dept, Mum). tracks on this album, full of pop goodness. There's As it happens, our Justin (second name: the eponymous 'named after a girl' track that every Langlois) is actually from Canada, but I suppose decent band must surely have, entitled 'Judy' (well the cold weather and all that must nevertheless we've had Valerie, Jenny, Katy, why not Judy?), that contribute on some level to some of the 'glacial certainly makes its mark on the album. There's also quirky sound, referencing the likes of The Shangri- soundscapes' on offer here (OK, at the risk of 'Pull Shapes' and by far the best song on the La's and The Crystals. The songs are short, sharp sounding hypocritical, I'm going to stop now). A album 'Your Kisses Are Wasted On Me,' which and to the point. They would likely stand out quite more apt comparison might actually be with serves up a big slice of summer loving, a is well on their own, but unfortunately when they are Muggs from Cypress Hill's solo project a few years drinking a Pirnms and lemonade in a deckchair put together, the edges do seem to blur and the back as, far from the orchestral majesty of some of and pondering the state of your love-life!! This songs start to merge into one long sound. (5) SR's finest moments, 'Logistics and Navigation' was summer-y feeling is undoubtedly the strength of words/ jonny leighton produced almost entirely in Langlois' bedroom, the album, coupled with its late 50s early 60s

that everything's going to be just fine. This is the kind of shapes. For a debut single to be this accomplished of track that you sing along to in your car at the top of and this well produced is a remarkable feat. To then SINGLES your voice even if you don't know the words.Well provide an equally astonishing b-side ("Speed") is done James Morrison. just big indie icing on the cake. I have no doubts that Yay! A re-release! Sarcasm aside, everyone who Quad Throw Salchow have some very sharp PR these ditties will be snatched up and remixed left. watches e4 during the day will by now know Hot men. Their music is described as Lou Read and Patty right and centre, Chip's "Over and Over" (EMI). It's catchy, its clever Smith's absinthe fuelled, illegitimate offspring. Only Ed's a bit of a classical boffin, but there's a punk and the repetitious lyrics settle in your mind like raised by surrealists. For once I inside him trying to bash its way out. The result is an some sort of late night kebab come back to haunt you agree. "The unwelcomeguest" emotional musical outbreak. "Revolution in the in the morning. Only the kebab is electropop (Try Science) is ludicrous on Heart" (EMI) sounds a little bit messy because there's flavoured and has been served to you by men with every conceivable level, and by 41 a lot going on in it musically, but the message still keyboards. Jove it works. Offsetting these comes across clear and strong: Ed Harcourt is on a "Wonderful World" (Polydor) is one of the best barmy vocals are brilliantly 1 trash and everyone's invited. feel good tracks of the year, brimming over with simplistic guitar hooks and bass Totally unexpected. The All American Rejects' "It enthusiasm and empathy. If you can sit back and just beats perfect for new wave ends tonight" (Interscope) is for anyone who's just Listen to this soul on a CD then you get the feeling voguing and throwing all kinds been dumped. The power and emotion in Tyson's

pg14/music/Is2/061006 JERK lover ALI WHITTON The Faversham 13 Sunday 1st October LIVE itain Ali Whitton frustratingly remains something of a well-kept secret. Strikingly sident honest in his lyricism, passionate and intense in his delivery, he is one of the brightest and most talented artists on the circuit, so the fact that he is relative still virtually unknown outside of the local indie came to scene seems insane. As nine. First support, Tom Rollins, recalls early Dylan, already. with acoustic guitar and harmonica. At 17, he's ursing. playing with the maturity of someone twice his xis stems age; when he finds his own style, he'll be a force to lance of be reckoned with. Next is an acoustic slot from and fur- Cardboard Cowboy; Dave James's expressive, y,- up in bluesy voice and relaxed guitar playing make this Ill! in, it an enjoyable, if inoffensive, set. rd u lack Ali Whitton invites no such criticism. A blinding c drive performance opens with 'Empty Threats and b ere and Recurring Themes,' a deceptively upbeat piece Yes Boss, at the Fav, again. But do you know what? considers what the band's music sounds Like when S and cif with a hopeless yet defiant lyric. The song's fuller It's always great. He's a Leeds lad and the small describing the set (a sort of White Stripes meets lies had sound confirms the BRPs' own development and stage kinda works when there's only you and your The Kills by way of 50s nostalgia gone wrong), cy WCIC progression as a band. chav mate with a Mac on stage, 1 mean who wants there is plenty more to account. Here is an attempt h) their The new, rockier incarnation of 'The Storm' to try and cram a five-piece onto an area the size of at an unbiased chronicling of the sonic "car crash d come alternates between quiet intensity and huge walls a Hyde Park bedroom? Tonight wasn't just 'same in slow motion" that was... ley had of sound, illuminating the unstable, desperate feel. old, same old,' the new material is just as good as The band come on stage dressed in 50s d sung- Its fraught energy is maintained throughout, with a the increasingly well known singles, though the rockabilly pinstriped suits avec brill cream, spats, , dearly lyrical viola part expanding the sound in one Dance to the Radio single 'Indie Kids' is still the and pencil skirts and announce in faux American ck corn- direction, energetic guitar and bass parts in highlight. accents that they are The Sugars. Some of the the ease another. Unfortunately, the sound set-up wasn't the best, the crowd look concerned. "Where is the bass player?" Es rn I i, The dynamic between lap steel and viola is vocals were distorted and the whole thing didn't one girl asks... a question later topped by "why has fascinating. The similarity of their registers makes sound as smooth as it usually does. God stopped caring tonight?" The wall of noise that oils has for a powerful sonic combination which could be Mixing UK Grime, garage, hip-hop and indie erupts from the band sounds like punk happened need to destructive in the wrong hands but, luckily, Tim makes Yes Boss sound a little bit like a cross 30 years too early in the alternate dimension. By ties. By Corbridge and Naomi Abbt know exactly what they between Lethal Bizzle, The Streets and The Rakes. the third song in, the drum kit has fallen apart. This hey arc are doing. 'The Cruelty That Becomes You' is But it works and it seems to appeal to those bored could be because the Sugars drummer is a female hey are. particularly effective, with Ali's acoustic guitar of watching another shit indie band at the Fay. version of Muppet, Animal, or it could just be bad ing con- shimmering through the subdued texture; EP Don't get me wrong, there were a few people in the karma. Either way, for the next half an hour a pretty • ed. In highlight 'The Good Things Are The Enemy' crowd who found the whole thing fun in an ironic and unsuspecting member of the audience has to ge and remains as heartbreakingly beautiful as ever; only kind of way, but even that's better than being prop the bass drum up with her waif like form, until ety and 'Heavy' fails to fully benefit from the new range of bored. A cover the Beastie Boys' 'Girls' was a sound engineer replaces her with a concrete 4:ma- colours and ideas; the louder, more aggressive entertaining, it basically involved swapping the breeze block. The set then, is not off to a good start. to sound seems to lessen the impact of its despairing word 'girls' for 'gash'. I know what you're thinking, Now bored, the audience begin to give Roman can frustration. and yes it was a bit stupid, but it still sounded good arena style thumbs down, the band however, seem he them- Self-effacing, charming and witty between (humour is the core of most of Yes Boss's lyrics unconcerned and continue to sing at each other vely. iv songs,Whitton becomes pensive and fragile during anyway) and fitted into the set nicely. Although the and not the crowd. My initial thoughts were "what a them, often kneeling down or melting into the puns are usually a little better hidden, but still, you cute gimmick," and "how vaudevillian," but after 20 background to let other musicians take centre get the point. minutes, it kills all sense of charisma and crowd stage. Five new songs are showcased, allowing the The set flowed along nicely, with only a few interaction. And if you can't have a good time at a band to experiment; 'Misery Needs Company' short stops to ask the crowd for a fag punctuating gig this bad, all you can do is drink... and sure makes use of tremolo viola and frenetic bass an otherwise non-stop performance. The good enough the bar is rammed. playing; 'Lost Cause' features inventive drum thing about having the beats on a laptop is you By the eigth or ninth song ( I lost count after sounds and patterns, showcasing James's ability to don't have to wait for a re-tune, even if at times this seven glasses of whisky),the male singer urges the adapt to different styles. did mean the MC looked like he was about to pass audience to "Dance Motherfuckers!" which pretty tory This evening's performance is electric. The band out. much killed what little charm the band had. They are in fantastic form; All's vocals have lost none of (B) end with a song called 'Monsters.' which satirically their disarming intimacy, as demonstrated by the words/neil walker juxtaposes the lyrics "there are monsters in my xi COL'. brief acoustic encore of 'A Poet and a Spaceman.' picture/ louise pracey-smith head" to that annoying melody in all bad spooky Ituthet By all means, go and see them while they're still cartoons. In short, this was a terrible gig for anyone •S playing smaller gigs, but I get the feeling tonight THE SUGARS to play, but The Sugars didn't do themselves any tiny the that they could make absolutely any venue their favours either. It's understandable to be this angry MM. Tunnel Club@ Mine when playing to a standoffish crowd when your words/ ramzy alwakeel September 26th sound is letting you down, but it takes a special ion will something to pull off the rebellious punk attitude_ brarions If I had a machine that somehow controlled all the This doesn't happen with a six inch quiff and spats. with variables a band must encounter when performing YES BOSS If you want to know what rockabilly pop sounds s for all live, such as sound engineer, venue, crowd mood, like without a bass, look them up on myspace (they a Black The Faversham alcohol consumption and sleep deprivation and 1 are big in Germany too, apparently), but if you pe-akerm■ Saturday 31st September was able to contrive the most unfortunate and prefer your knowing retro pop to have a bit more generally evil "gig" using the worst possible substance and class, check out The Ravonettes... Cir her- It's not 'Ironic' to like UK. Grime variables, it may go something like The Sugars' words/ pete ashton s impor- erformance at Mine last Tuesda . Before one even ir mem- vocals carries you away into memories of all the may sound a bit twee on the first listen, it has that production is beyond me, f Lee& lonely nights and puts a nostalgic little smile on your magical quality on the listener rarely found in records because what stood up on its face. A tad cheesy, but that comes with the sentiment. these days outside the production machine that own as bold, honest and heart- I found myself reaching for a lighter with the writes the songs for Girls Aloud. I have no idea what wrenching soul suddenly events le Black intention of swaying till my arm drops off. It was a this song is about, but frankly I don't care, though the becomes soporific twaddle. surprise hearing this sound coming from the makers video alludes to some sort of psychedelic removals Don't get me wrong mind, it's of guitary power pop rock singalongs like "Dirty service with a penchant for green jumpers. still better than pretty much Little Secret" and you're expecting the punch line Any fans of Corrine Bailey Rae will by now love anything that will make it into Muhwe after the first few seconds of piano intro. Then it hits "Like a Star" (EMI).To lift a not particularly objective the charts in the next 12 you that this is a sincere song, pumped full of feeling line from A Clockwork Orange, this little ditty is months and the single is still "gorgeous in all of its gorgeocity." For a while it even worth buying if only for the cover of Aretha Franklin's and meaning carried along by a truly superb vocal ion Day' performance. Highest praise to the Rejects. remains tastefully produced, with Corrine's child-like -Daydreaming." Jangly guitars? Check! Kooks-esque/ Liverpudlian but sultry voice oozing over an acoustic guitar like all drawled vocals? Check! Hot Club de Paris's other music suddenly became irrelevant because it words/ pete ashton & adam cooper, "Everyeveryeverythmg" (Moshi Moshi) has them all. wasn't quite gorgeous enough. Then the strings come But that's where the indie by numbers comparison in. Oh well, it was good while it lasted. Quite why a must end. While the guitar hltkthat riddles the verse talent as obvious as this needs such heavy handed a It seems the most natural partnership in the world, Kate Moss, the queen of cool who has most of the world waiting to witness her next fashion move has joined up with Topshop to act as muse and director of the Kate KATE MOSS Moss at Topshop label. Rumours were sparked when Moss was spotted for the first time, at Topshop's London Fashion Week show sitting next to Philip Green, the owner of the Arcadia group which includes Topshop. HITS THE Although immediate rumours were denied, the partnership was finally announced as LFW drew to a close. Green stated: "She is a fashion icon in terms of the UK... and this is what Topshop is all about in terms of fash- HIGH ion," Tr The collection will hit 308 UK stores and www.topshop.com by next spring and if Celia Birtwell, the sixties STREET textile designer's one-off collection for Topshop is anything to go by, it will fly off the shelves amongst a girlie fashion scrap. Green's infamous business sense is once again at the forefront of the UK's most exciting fashion store, he is well aware that everything that Moss wears sells, from the now legendary £2.99 bag from Superdrug to the Marc Jacobs Stam. If she's wearing it, it's worth having.

4 This news comes at the end of a turbulent year for Moss. Photos published around the world allegedly show- •• ing her taking class A drugs with infamous boyfriend Pete Doherty threatened to ruin her prosperous career. but in true show-girl style, Moss has bounced back to win campaigns with Burberry, Dior, Longchamp. Louis I Vuitton, Versace, Roberto Cavalli, Stella McCartney and Chanel with Topshop now winning pride of place amongst these world renowned, couture fashion designers.

words/ chloe watson LONDON FASHION high-street meets high fashion WEEK

Even though London Fashion Week could hardly boast making earth-shaking fashion revelations, it has certainly marked a high point in the history of the high-street. 7beehop, the ultimate representative of high- street fashion, showed its Unique collection at the kick-off of London's trendsetting for spring/ summer 200T. Symbolically speaking, 7bpshop on the catwalk is a sign that high-street fashion is no longer a second class imitation of the 'real' fashion scene. By breaking into the elite circles of the fashion world, the high-street has upgraded its status. As a result, London Fashion Week has proven that brand elitism that has been prevalent for the last decades is giving way to a new fashion democracy. The catwalks were dominated by the not-so-well-known, yet fresh and funky brands such as Manish Aiwa, Antoni&Alison, Ashley !sham, Issa and Take Naka, with only Ernporio Armani, Paul Smith Women and Nicole Farhi as the traditional 'biggies' - indeed, a persuasive indication of the new wave liberal fashion. Armanfs collection remained true to the brand's inherent slick elegance with red being the ultimate theme as part of Emporia Armantis charity red-initiative that aims to give fashion a new socially-conscious face. Ethical fashion was also at the epicentre of Noir's collection: all of the creations were produced from African fair-trade fabrics. Ethical implications aside, the trends shown in the collections were unusually adaptable to 'real-life' fashion. Skinny jeans and voluminous tops are maintaining their firm grip on our fashion-conscience and are here to stay yet for another season. The same can be said about shorts - an article that has weaved its way into our wardrobes with surprising persistence. The only development is that the playful shorts of the past summer have matured into smarter looking short-suits. Strict elegance continues to celebrate the beauty of the female form, with the ever-present hour-glass silhouettes and skirts with exaggerated hips. For those who would much rather stick to an innocent coquette image, the 60's inspired designs in the form of A-shaped mini dresses, trapeze coats and a plethora of pleats and ruffles will be something to indulge in. However. there would be no democracy if there was no opposition - a mundane yet essential truth that has been reaffirmed in London Fashion Week's trendsetting. Thus, on the opposite side of the spectrum from romantic femininity stands proud the rebellious grunge style with its excitingly anarchist views: dashing pro- portions, clashing colours, clashing styles. Furthermore, for those who are bored with looking back into history for new redefined trends, futurism has entered the scene. Minimal body-enveloping suits, geometrical shapes and subdued colours. Each new season brings with it the ultimate frontrunner-trend. With such a variety of style directions on show, speculations are tedious. What is certain is that it will be the high-street that will put the accents on the season's trends. Judging from last season's all-embracing obsession - i.e. bohemian chic - a long flowing silk dress with ruffles and trumpet-sleeves is a safe bet. The beauty of high-street, however, is its ability to absorb the entire spectrum of style tendencies and ensure that no minority loses out. The bottom line - this new season is all about freedom of choice .

pg16/1aatucnills2/061006 JERN lover 13 SUPER itain sident With everyone condemning the latest size zero craze hitting Hollywood and Madrid refusing to let unhealthy models relative SIZE strut down their catwalks, are we really came to going to see an end to the waif like mod- an nine. els that have adorned the pages of Vogue already for the last decade? nursing. ny step. ME? It seems this is an issue that is splitting ranee of the fashion world in two; one side opting and fur- to follow Madrid's lead and put a stop to w up in skeletal looking models and the other ing in. it arguing that imposing a ban would stifle id a lack creativity. Stuart Rose, director of The le drive British Fashion Council and head of M&S ere and (a main backer of London Fashion Week) s and of disputes that designers should be left to hey had choose their own models, in the interest e ■were of creative freedom. Models are there to by Men- sell a fantasy, and while this clearly d come would not work if they looked like Vicky hey had Pollard, is it right to use women who are d ,u-u;:- emaciated and unhealthy? The iiber- .r dearly skinny frame spells success for models, • corn- actresses and even some singers and the the case public cannot help but be affected by rs in rut: that. Designers and fashion bigwigs have to accept a certain level of responsibility On. ILI,. for promoting healthy images. licrd 1-3) Height or weight restrictions, at the other hey arc end of the spectrum, have never lead he,. are. designers to moan about their lack of 1111.2 con - 'creative freedom' in the past. The argu- -eed. ment that bans would restrict the flow of ge and imaginative juices seems a little thin. ety and Madrid's imposed ban of not allowing OPINIONS erlrtl- models with a body mass index (BMI) of tr influ- less than 18 to grace their catwalks is not IN LEEDS: nly can quite as outrageous as some seem to le them- think. To put it into context, a healthy BMI vely. to is between 18.5 and 25, so 18 is still officially classed as underweight. Of course SHONA, 19 there are many other factors that con- Geography al tribute to being a healthy size, but a BM] 1 think that it's really unattractive to of 16, which is said to have been the see such thin women. Part of being average at this year's London Fashion sexy is about having feminine Week, is clearly too low. Very thin models curves. To me, Beyond exudes confi- have been on front pages for years, so dence, whereas Nicole Richie always why is it that we are seeing action being seems gaunt and insecure. tort' taken now?

One [actor is definitely the death of CHARLIE, 21 •11 :tele- model Luisel Ramos, who died of heart English tetoher failure moments after she stepped off the I think that weight in the fashion hlack catwalk. In order to compete with other industry will always be a contentious nuns the models, she lived on a diet of salad issue as clothes do look better on ik ..:001- leaves and Diet Coke during the three skinny people. The move for change months leading to her death. Another must come from people within the 11■11-1 will factor is the changing role of the model. fashion world as I feel that external )nations Stepping off the catwalk and into the regulation would be almost impossi- with a gossip columns, they are no longer elu- ble to enforce • tor all sive figures. This in turn puts more pres- a Black sure on women today to emulate models' pea ke re. skinny frames. Gap in Leeds now stocks TIM, 21 Electronic Engineering size zero jeans (UK size 4!). When I went f her- in to speak to the manager they refused I don't really understand what people like Victoria Beckham are aspiring to. s impor- to give a press statement but said that mem- they had always stocked this size... From a male point of view, I look at these really thin girls with pity rather Leeds So what does all this mean for British than finding them attractive. I much fashion? Sir Paul Smith certainly seems to prefer a curvy figure like Charlotte Church or Kelly Brook. events think that we can expect to start seeing to Black bigger girls on the catwalk "the (casting) agencies, if they are clever, aught start SOPHIE, 19 considering the idea of searching for Law tbabwe girls that are a little bit bigger, maybe I think Victoria Beckham gets more even just one size bigger..." It seems stick than she deserves. She works though, that he is a little slow to take on hard to have a stunning figure. She's his own advice, skinny minis were still his constantly on the front cover of on Day chair du jour at this year's London every magazine, every designer is Fashion Week. If restrictions are put in clambering to dress her and she place, then hopefully there will no longer has the most gorgeous husband in be such a great pressure for models to the world. She can't look all that bad literally starve themselves to success; can she? although, sadly, it has all come too late for Luisel Ramos.

01 theatre/ 13 et, TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD itain AT THE WEST YORKSHIRE PLAYHOUSE sident

e hristopher Sergel's dramatisation of Harper anyone. but there is little "hero" in Duncan Preston's scenes is a re-enactment of the "rape" in which we Carrie Io Lee's tale of prejudice in 1930s Alabama is Atticus. Instead, a tired, balding and at times quite see Mayella's botched seduction of Tom in a fusion of 1tS nine: Cnot perfect. Sacrifices have been made, but naive man who learns almost as much from his red and white light while Tom narrates to the already. rather than chunks being out out, the narrative children as they do from him. While this takes a little courtroom and trys to dodge Mayella's lunges. Pt has been trimmed. The result is a heart-felt getting used to, Preston's is a memorable The play is not perfect as a whole but it has a ny step• production that, while lacking tension in key performance that shows Atticus at his most number of perfect moments. Some pivotal plot points, ante- of moments, retains a great deal of the original vulnerable. Craig Vye gives a wonderful pre-teen- such as the courtroom discovery of Tom's useless left and tar- emotion stimulated by Lee's prose. angst performance as Jem, and Jean-Marc Ferret hand fly by before the audience has time to gasp. Less w up in Maudie Atkinson, played forgettably by Helen provides comic relief with his just-the-right-side-of- obvious moments, however, are poignantly dramatic, mg. in, It Ryan, takes the role of narrator from Scout, a device camp Dill. such as the scene in which Atticus reveals to his d lack that implies that Scout will one day turn into someone children that he is a "perfect shot", highlighting the le drive with a similar perspective. There are several clever "...A heart felt production-. theme of discovery running throughout the story. "To "ere and theatrical devices like this, such as the prosecution that retains a great deal of Kill a Mockingbird" is an important novel and with and of table in the courtroom scene being placed centre the original emotion" productions such as these, it will not be allowed to hey had stage, suggesting that the trial is a foregone fade into the 20th century. ey were conclusion where it not possible in the script. Other impressive performances include Sally hy their d come Scout, played with intelligence and aplomb by the Tatum as Mayella Ewell, a slightly psychotic (7/10) he had truly tiny Bettrys Jones, is on stage for the majority of characterisation that involves a great deal of twitching d sung- and head rolling, and Vinia Morgan as an angrily words/ lara choksey the play, and is not upstaged by her father. Playing ) dearly terrified Tom Robinson. One of the most memorable such a famous heroic character would be daunting for a corn- the cast M

tins has HOW MANY -611i+ TO BASRA? seed to tics, By hey -are hey are, AT THE WEST YORKSHIRE PLAYHOUSE tog eon- •ed I n Ire and ney of survival, redemption, and ultimately salvation. provocative performance in an argument with his ,"is southern Iraq, April 2003. The war is corn- ety and ing to an end as Saddam's reign of terror is How many miles to Basra? is and adaptation of senior, Stewart (Matthew Flynn). Marianne Oldham as y corn- over. Yet for four British soldiers, the blood- Cohn Teevan's critically acclaimed radio play, Jeannie was impressively moving. 10 iglu- shed is fax from over. The conflicting ideas of the characters and espe- What should have been a routine stop at a vehicle "...An impressive produc- cially the Iraqi translator Malek (Kevork Malikyan) niy CM1 check point turns into the beginning of a series of are juxtaposed successfully to help shed light on the e them- events that even the hardest of souls should not have tion which incorporates many facets of the important issues of the play. This vely. to to face. 10 kilometres off the main road, in the unre- brilliant performances production is most definitely not a shallow represen- lenting heat of the Iraqi desert, a young British sol- tation of a writer removed from the reality of the situ- dier is fighting for his life. The dilemma between from the cast" ation. It may be The West Yorkshire Play House but -42 obeying the discipline instilled to take orders and brought to the stage in an impressive production for a few hours one can definitely feel a greater one's self preservation is raised as the other three, which incorporates brilliant performances from the understanding of events in Iraq_ accompanied by a BBC journalist and their Iraqi cast, impressive stage design with an original use of translator have to come to a difficult agreement projections and lighting. Through all of these factors (9/10) about which holds greater priority. With no food or it succeeds in giving an objective insight into the previsions, and communications down, they all lives of Iraqi civilians and the allied troops. Gareth words/ poppy corbet-burcher tory embark, with the elements against them, on a jour- Farr performs well as Freddie, creating a highly

.11 eele- i toiler comedy/ stint iltr LEEDS TEALIGHTS ICk Ct1111.

The Leeds Tealights Comedy what's on Wi I I COMEDY REVUE Revue are Lucy Coates, Adam brat ions Underwood, jony Critchley, ) with a theatre, s for all AT THE FAVERSHAM Tim Miller, Tom Rawlins and How Many Miles To Basra? @ The West Yorkshii a Black Andy Cargill. Playhou peakerar 23rd September - 21st Octob esh from their stint at punch line didn't manage to of Lord Nelson, a time travelling The critically acclaimed world premiere of Col 'if Teevan's BBC Radio 3 play shows how definitions the Edinburgh Fringe carry across the crowd, the fast kangaroo, a rousing British iinpor- paced nature of the show guar- truth and responsibility blur during war. Especially this summer, the Leeds Nationalist anthem or the ille111- Tealights Comedy Revue took anteed another succession of ridiculous simplicity of a man the medi If Leeds to the stage at the Faversham jokes wasn't far off, but the ordering coke, this was no for an hour long sketch show show was definitely a case of holds barred absurdity at its full of reckless abandon and quality and quantity. best. Sense and Sensibility @The Caxriageworl evenis fairly little sanity. 10th - 14th Octob. tr Black With no political or social ".,.No holds words/ mark mackay Unlike the Kiera Knightley adaptation of Jane Auster hang ups to contend with, the classic novel, the only thing wooden will be the set only running theme was a casu- barred absurdity al obsession with coming out of at its best" The Leeds Tealights Comedy thahwe the closet, the audience were Revue will return this alternative cinema free to enjoy the Leeds stu- None of the cast showed the Christmas and are currently dents' brand of unadulterated slightest hesitation about play- looking to recruit new mem- An Inconvenient Truth @ The Hyde Park Pictui sketch comedy. And enjoy it ing the fool or taking a pratfall, bers so if you're interested in Hoe.in Dav they did. Each and every rou- and the whole troupe threw becoming a writer / actor 6th - 19th Octob tine elicited giggles, guffaws themselves absolutely fearless- then email Al Gore may have lost out in politics but his docume and applause from the intimate ly into the fray for the truly ran- ipi4 a su@le e ds. ac u k tary about the global warming catastrophe the planet audience as the hour quickly domness of their routines. facing might just win your heart and min slipped by. Even when a Whether it was the dying wish Who Killed the Electric Car @ The Hyde P . a Picture Hoe. 8th Octob This fascinating documentary investigates ...well, wl killed the electric c. news

• The world of literature is filled with a seemingly endless supply of awards for various forms of writing, and the winners of two such prizes were announced this week. The Lettres BOOKS Ulysses prize for reportage, worth $50,000, was won by British writer Linda Grant for her recent book The People on the Street: A Writer's View -The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them." of Israel, and the Guardian Children's Fiction - Mark Twain award went to Philip Reeve's A Darkling Plain.

• It has also been a good week for literary fiction festivals; the Times Cheltenham Literature Festival begins today, and continues until the 1Sth of this month, featuring many top authors at A Spot of Bother MCIX thought is where Haddon's success originates from, numerous events. Also ending on 15th October Mark Haddon , and is certainly something he excels at. is the more local Ilkley Literature Festival. 390pp. Jonathan Cape, £17.99 However, he clearly lacks something as a novelist, details of which can be found at being unable to make the story character-driven as www.ilkleyliteraturefestival.org.uk. Children's author Mark Haddon shot opposed to plot-driven - incredible, given the to worldwide fame in 2004 following brilliance with which the characters are realised. In • Further titles released this week include the publication of his first novel far order to sustain the story for the full length of the Martin Amis's latest novel with a Russian twist, adults, The Curious Incident of the Dog book, he is compelled to fill the book with dramatic House of Meetings, Jeremy Paxman's views of in the Night-time. The book's innovative style and events, being unable to convey the nature of the the monarchy in On Royalty, Rupert Everett's realistic, empathetic characters captivated readers characters without this, and so the pace of the book is memoir. Red Carpets and Banana Skins, and and critics alike, and won Haddon the Whitbread that of a short story. only maintained for a novel's Jonathan Raban's political thriller Book of the Year award. However, it remained to be length, making it quite an exhausting read and giving Surveillance... seen whether a new literary talent had been the reader little chance to reflect. This is a great discovered, or if his success was intrinsically shame, as he examines with great insight some of the connected to the specific content of that book. important universal human dilemmas, yet the plot is The follow-up. A Spot of Bother, is a hard book to always trying to drag the reader away from deeper judge. combining delicate thoughts on love and death contemplation. Also his prose is no more than non-fiction with a slightly far-fetched and overly eventful plot. utilitarian; it serves to convey the characters The characters are certainly brilliantly realised; each effectively and could not be said to be flawed, but chapter is told in the third person but from the offers no further enjoyment for the reader and Collapse: How Societies perspective of one particular character, and the thereby does not relieve the strain placed on them. Choose to Fail or Survive changes in perspective are pulled off remarkably While Haddon certainly has amazing skill at Jared Diamond DiaRrld well, remaining distinctive and utterly convincing observation and characterisation, he needs to 575pp, Allen Lane, £9.99 Collapse across a range of personalities. In particular, the develop his writing capabilities significantly if he descent into madness of the main character is made wishes to become a novelist of consequence. From the much-hailed author of 4 completely understandable - this talent of getting the 7/10 Guns. Germs and Steel (as well as reader to empathise with irrational processes of the lesser-known Why is Sex Fun?) comes another triumph. Republished in paperback this non-fiction January, Jared Diamond's Collapse: Plow Societies Choose to Pail or Survive surveys the roots behind the demise or triumph of civilisations from alI over The God Delusion of this book. The book's greatest asset, however, has to the world, spanning from the ancient to the Richard Dawkins be Dawlcinsa prose itself. Elegant, lucid, meticulous yet modern-day and drawing brilliant parallels and 374pp, Bantam Press, £20.00 effortlessly readable, he displays a control of pacing and contrasts between them along the way, tone certainly unparalleled in factual writing, and rarely Diamond's approach renders Collapse accessible Richard Dew-bias. Oxford University seen in literature as a whole. He understands where he is and appealing to the average person. He clarifies Professor for the Public Understanding of able to be light-hearted - the book is littered with the complex issues by proposing that five Science, is well-known as one of the most humourous asides - without ever compromising the principal factors influence societies' fates to outspoken and potentially controversial integrity or the significance of the argument he is varying degrees: environmental damage, climate intellectuals in Britain, and possibly the world, today. His making, and this makes light work of what would change, hostile neighbours, friendly trade uncompromising adherence to the necessity of otherwise be pretty heavy reading. The books other partners and a society's response to its independent, rational thought as a basis for our society great asset of course is Dawkins's intellect - every detail environmental problems. Furthermore, each has often brought him into conflict with religious leaders, of every question is dealt with meticulously, never failing scientific method used to support the book's most notably the Christian Right in America, and among to apply the highest standard of logical deduction and theories is clearly explained in layman's terms, those who have not directly encountered his works he analysis to every claim he either makes or refutes. And whether it is ice core analysis, dencirochronology often has a reputation as angry and intransigent. necessarily so, since it is this very rational approach that (tree ring analysis), or some guy who identified However his eloquence, skill for explanation and he is advocating, nevertheless it is an impressive and catalogued 8,433 vertebrate bones from early absolute integrity have also won him a great many demonstration of the unimpeachable integrity of his Easter Island middens to trace the decline of meat admirers, who see his unstinting dedication to public argument. available for food. Perhaps most important is the understanding and education as a vital and necessary It must be said that I feel in many cases it is unlikely that fact that Diamond does not present our situation force in today's society. this book will succeed in its (admittedly humourous) today as being doomed, letting the reader draw In his latest book. The God Delusion, he directly tackles stated aim; that readers who begin the hook as religious not only hope from the successes of past societies, the question of the existence of God for the first time. will end it as atheist. However it must surely convince but also inspiration to make today's critical This is obviously a subject of enormous scope, anyone who considers religion of any kind to be decisions responsibly and without delay. suggesting questions ranging from whether rational compatible with rational thought of how fundamentally Reading Collapse was a bit like talking to a friend methods can be applied to questions of faith to whether untenable their position is. Sadly many people, a few of who just happens to be very bright. Afterwards, I human beings have an intrinsic need for religion, with whom I know personally, will gladly sacrifice that which found myself constantly referencing it in many others besides, yet, in an impressive feat of is real and true when confronted with a binary choice conversation and finding applications of its organisation, he manages to treat every aspect in a clear, between that and their religious belief (it is of course the theories in everyday life. I wholeheartedly detailed way without ever confusing issues. He even implication that these people, impervious to such a clear, recommend it as both reference material and devotes a chapter to why there is a need to actively complete demonstration of their irrationality, suffer from fantastic casual reading. challenge religion, recommended to those who consider a psychiatric condition). Nonetheless this book remains a 9/10 him angry and overly hostile.This elegant sub- truly momentous work; a staggering acomplishment of Thee Whitman partitioning, enabling the book to easily be used for human thought and a masterpiece of literature. reference to individual issues and not solely as a start-to- I0/10 finish argument, is just one of the masterful achievements Christopher Tedd

pg20/books/ls2/061006 13

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■•01.1tive conic to as nine; already ursing. my stem lance of and fur- • v up in mg in. it id a lack So you just came to uni, moved in, got drunk, met a lot he drive of people you'll never talk to again but have realised iere and you do, in some way, get along with your fellow s and of residents. But what's this? In a conversation you hey had discover you do all have something in common, even cy were the gay one, you all live in Britain. Oh dear though. by their d come <.k None of you have the basic geographical knowledge to describe where anyone lives. Is Wales an island? hey had I'm undecideci.You can, however, which is sadly too tl strng- often the case, discuss the exact geography of dearly Thailand, helped by a dog-eared Lonely Planet full of 1 ck tint- sand. Military coups away! But ahoy. all aboard! the case Google have saved the day yet again (if only they rs in ► x started on on Aids). Google Earth is a free application that streams satellite photographs onto a 3D globe. ions has You can then spin, zoom, drag and fumble to your need to heart's content. Type in your postcode and you're ties. By away. flying through the countryside hurtling toward they are Slough. Talk to your friends, laugh at each others hey are. birth places, houses. favourite drinking spots. One of mg con- Epage's favourite round robins is the Nevada desert. :eed. In Start at Las Vegas, scoot through Death Valley to find ige and the mysterious Groom Lake complex, colloquially cry and known as Area 51, and finally shoot along to Roswell 1) coin- to spot some alien activity. Beautiful. Are you a conspiracy theorist? Epage is, but perhaps that's a illy can conspiracy in itself.Epage baffles. But if you are 'I* le them- excited by the most secret of secret bases and love Nelv. to ■ ► the Google Earth satellite pica, surf on over to www.secret-bases.co.uk, a database of hidden salvers missile sites, bunkers, MI6 installations and SAS .4a training facilities all photographed fox armchair p • I scrutiny. The men are already knocking on the door, Epage has said too much. Adieu. words/ tirn sevenths tory S 0 A 7.11 ie - a selection of glowcock vibrators. Epage adores a 14,10he sport sex good gallery but this is probably the best it's ever h Lick going to get. Posable dolls oozing a confused tine the sexuality placed around the house, in the bath, coin- ilttp://ww-w.elephantpolo.com http://wvmrealdoll.com behind some ivy slowly removing that last piece of underwear. Epage loves the Real Doll, if only the Real ton will Epage was more than pleased and slightly aroused to Epage loves a good bit of smut and as smut goes, Doll could love Epage, enjoy. hrations discover that Elephant Polo does exist and has been there's nothing more smuttish than a good piece of with a s for all pulling in an international crowd since 1982. And smut from the smut capital of the world America. If, where but Nepal, a place where the poor are poorer like Epage, you're having relationahip issues, cant forwarded a Black than poor, would such a regal mix of chappery and find the right person for you, intimacy isuues, then peakerst• eastern eccentricity exist? Hannibal missed a trick why not invest in a fully flexible Real Doll? (Epage's A 'Sample' of the email forwards Epage receives each here. If only the Romans had known. No mountains f her- will be going on expenses). Costing around $5,000 week. Old Flames: here though, it's a level playing field for the annual s impur- you get a man or woman, painstakingly made to "I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend meeting of the Worldwide Elephant Polo Association ir rnem- order at with at least two entry points. Heat resistant, of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting (WEPA) and it's trunks away as a stiff competition If Leeds water resistant and slain resistant, your real doll can about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.[ unfolds to decide who's tri-hephalumphant. But why be put through the most strenuous of masturbation couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet website of the week say you? Well, says Epage, a flash routines. And don't worry if you're a biter, with an up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic. "Wow!", I extravaganza unfolds with a flock of elastic skin capable of a 300 per cent elongation, events said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! e Black 1111.1- elephants charging the screen. A ball everyone's a winner. With an awesome product I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last bounces round while dramatic music always comes an awesome website, and real doll inc. saw me!" She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet une ciscearpl iandees is more than happy to satisfy. Watch little video clips Tic. the challenge! "Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't thabwe sththat unfold showing the realism of silicon filled breasts, or order mind a man with a waist-band that's a few inches in some booby balls. For the hard of with pictures, histories wider these days!" and general information cash, why not simply buy the torso She laughed and told me to stop about 12 ft sticks which without limbs or a head and if you being so silly! She teased me, On are fully dependent on need illumination in saying that she thought tubby your life, why the size of the elephant. bald men were cute! "Anyway", Epage's is a 'biggun. not "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled... so I told her to f*ck off" a words/ trim sevenths contact/ [email protected] 11•M • m•Wirs• _ TELEVISION NICE HAIR CUT FAT ASS! Last weeks series of self improvement bowling, bob for apples and bend to are sent away with their little treasures style television shows got me to talk to children without embarrassment. in order to build loving thinking, 'how can I improve myself?' I In Trinny and Susannah Undress companionships. experience mutual ended up buying a hat and I feel great however, the only option is to cover up spiritual awakenings and about it and I now feel great about the obscenity with a shawl, or a cape, or fundamentally, to get to the bottom of myself. The methods adopted in the rug, or some sort of deceiving pattern, why they want to stab each other. Led aforementioned shows however, took a whilst all the while the nation still by American camp leaders with names slightly more drastic stance. I have knows you have an awful ass under all such as 'Grey Wolf' and 'Deer Crap,' always found Trinny and Susannah's that decorative finery. The show went these families must learn to live What Not to Wear to be both shallow one step further this week by trying to together in the wilderness and tame and intensely annoying, but now they fix the couple's sex life. Why oh why their demons. Once the family unit is have a new show, Trinny and Susannah you would want to go on national back on its feet, sharing food, laughs Undress and it's hilarious. This new television, get naked, let your partner and respect it's time to turn your incarnation has added an all important scrutinize your physical attributes, attention to those unruly pets. Last element. mortifyingly embarrassing admit you and your partner were week's Britain's Worst Pet demonstrated scenes of nudity. Not only do the having sexual problems and were open not only the uncontrollable contestants have to strip down to their to suggestions, any suggestions, simply ferociousness of the pets. but the idiocy underwear in a box of mirrors, they now for a better hair cut and nicer shoes is of the owners. If an iguana wears the have to bear all and let their partners beyond me. And incidentally, who the trousers in your house, ambushing you pass judgment on what is and is not hell do Trinny and Susannah think they at every turn, it's time to take a long attractive about them, all on national are giving sexual advice?! hard look In the mirror and think about television. Now, I can accept this sort of Well anyway, once you're suited and what sort of person you have become humiliation on shows such as 10 Years booted it's time to cleanse the soul and to get yourself in this predicament. May Younger because the public know that further the connections that truly I remind you, I just bought a hat and I that huge sagg-y ass will soon have matter; those with your family. Family now feel great. surgeons working their magic on it and Brat Camp is another adaptation on a once again it will be acceptable for the classic show, but in this case, a welcome cosmetically enhanced individual to go and completely rational one. Parents words/ andrew edelston

Blast From The Past! John McCririck, man's Time again to take a nostalgic look back at man or tosser? memorable shows from a bygone era. This week ... Sharky and George! Who says the French aren't a gener- that's it, now work those vocal chords Man's Man 1 ous bunch? First they sent the Yanks and sing a bit. Ignore that guy in the "Boobie... my cigar".Whilst flicking through the TV channels, I The Statue of Liberty, then, sometime green hat staring at you like you're heard a majestic man cry out this phrase. Ney, not a majestic man, later, they gave us Brits Sharky and deranged. I guarantee you won't be but a God. Sir (not officially, but it wont be long) John McCririck, George - I think it's obvious who got able to get the tune out of your head the Zeus like stud. Boobie is in fact his affectionate term for his the better deal. The Gauls originally for the rest of the day. Now rose-tint- wife! But as any true man knows, wife equates to slave. This fine entitled the kids 'cartoon 'Sharky et ed glasses often mean an objective specimen of a man wants for nothing. She cooks for him, washes Georges' and I guess our guys reminisce about past delights is an him, chauffers him, fellates him twice a day and what does she get thought 'if it aint broke don't fix it'. impossibility as it gets blurred with in return... nothing. My hero! It is for these reasons that I salute this The hugely popular aquatic anima- nostalgia but damn it, I don't caret true alpha male. With his golden locks, charismatic personality tion is mainly remembered for its Despite the internet giving art opin- and his archaic attitude to women, I feel that he truly represents a catchy theme tune with the chorus, ion to the contrary, I remember real man. A man who doesn't conform to metrosexuality, oh no, but "Sharky and George, the crime- 'Sharky and George' as a complete a man who weighs 18 stone and still gets head twice a day, for free! busters of the sea / Sharky and comedy cartoon following the capers George, clear up any mystery!" of two fish detectives as they battled words/ sebastian haire Unfortunately the limitations of the underwater crime lords. Their fantas- medium prevent us from providing an tically named town of Seacargo was a audio version for you, but for your hotbed for criminal activities and the Tosser own enjoyment I think a quick blast of duo were never short of cases to People always say you should have a dream. However if this the chirpy song is required. Go on, if solve. Until the early nineties when it dream is to wallow in a pool of your own semen, shouting you haven't already (you probably was taken off air. A.J. Henderson who "Boobie!" at the top of your voice, then it has already been have though) start humming, yes provided the voice of Sharky carried achieved by someone else. If it also consists of looking like a on his illustrious career in the world combination of Mr Blobby and a paedophile, with lamb chops of vocal assistance. His CV includes straight out Emnnerdale, then your hero should be John providing the voice of Grandpa Dave McCririck. The glaring truth for anyone who has seen this in current children's cartoon, 'Arthur', screen-filling beast is that he is not the chauvinistic cad's as well as appearing as a closet ghost dream, as you may have been lead to believe. So let's aim in an episode of 'Are You Afraid of the higher guys, maybe dream of shouting Caprice while Dark?' He even lent his voice to the swimming in a pool of champagne or having Edwina Curry video game, 'Splinter Cell'. Paul drenched in chocolate feeding you strawberries while calling Hawkins aka George appears to have you John Major (weird I know, but whatever floats your boat). swam off into relative obscurity. words / charles rawatron words / laurie whitwell

JERK lover These islands are magnifi- where iguanas can bask demonstrate their truly Galapagos cent. They're a place where and swim and look menac- bizarre inflatable throats giant tortoises as heavy as itain ing. It's a place where without fear of mockery or BBC2 four men stomp around dreams can come true and prejudice, a place the riday eating shrubs and making sident world changing theories flightless cormorants can Friday BFIVI love, where owls can eat can form. They're a place finally, truly call their home. ctober whatever they please, where frigate birds can Andrew Edelston relative I carne to 000 DOR as nine. ONE TWO itv •1 already 4 f ve nursirle. 6.00 Breakfast. 9.15 To Buy or 6.00 Close 7.00 CBBC. Batfink. 6.00 GMTV. 9.25 the Jeremy Kyle 6.10 The Hoobs, 6.35 The Hoobs_ 6.00 The Save Unrs! 6.10 Bear in my stellar', Not to Buy. 10.00 City Hospital. 7.05 Time Warp Trio 7.30 Roar. Show. 10.30 This Morning. 12.30 7.00 Freshly Squeezed. 7.30 the Big Blue House. 6.40 Roobarb club rtancc of 11.00 Homes under the Hammer. 8.30 CBeebies: Charlie and Lola. Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime Friends. 8.00 Everybody Loves and Custard Too. 6.50 Hi-5. 7.25 Baby Jupiter SUPERBAD and fur- 11.30 Car Booty. 12.15 Cash in 8.40 Boogie Beebies. 9.00 News: Weather. 2.00 Crime Hour: Raymond. 8.30 Will and Grace. Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends. funk. jazz 8. soul the Attic 1.00 BBC News: Autumnwatch. 9.30 Me Too! 9.50 Midsomer Murders. 3.00 Meg and 9.00 Frasier. 9.30 Teen Tycoons. 7.45 Make Way for Noddy. 8.00 e‘‘. tip in Weather. 1.30 Regional News and Gordon the Garden Gnome. 10.00 Mog. 3.05 Pocoyo. 3.15 Mr Bean: 10.00 Tricky Business Two. 10.30 Fifi and the Flowenots. 8.15 Peppa Baja Beach Club ing in, it 3.30 From the Top. 11.00 Day I Got The Pig. 8.20 Funky Valley. 8.30 THE FRIDAY NIGHT Weather. 1.40 Neighbours. 2.05 Big Cook Little Cook. 10.20 Pingo. The Animated Series. Jungle TAKEAWAY ad aleck Doctors. 2.35 Diagnosis Murder. 10.30 Razzledazzle. 10.50 Schools: Run 4.00 My Parents Are Aliens. Sack. 11.30 The Deadly Knowledge Franny's Feet. 8.45 Bird Bath. 8.55 with Cameron. balloon he drive 3.20 BBC News; Weather; Henry's Wives with Terry Deary. 4.30 My Parents are Aliens. 5.00 Show 12.00 New at Noon. 12.30 My First.. 9.00 The Wnght Stuff. drop with cash prizes here and 10.30 Trisha Goddard. 11.30 five Regional News. 3.25 Lazytown. 11.00 Primary Geography. 11.20 The Sharon Osbourne Show - X King of Queens. 1.00 FILM: Reach r. and of 3.50 Watch My Chops. 4.05 Focus. 11.40 See You, See Me, See Factor Special. for the Sky (1956). Biopic, Starring news_ 12.00 Home and Away. Coco DIRTY CASH the) had What's New Scooby Don? 4.30 Castles. 12.00 The Daily Politics. 6.00 Calendar. Regional news, Kenneth More and Muriel Pavlow. 12.30 BrainTeaser 1.35 FILM: Jodie. alternative E. 80's cs we're The Basil Brush Show. 4.55 The 12.30 Working Lunch. 1.30 Coast: interviews and features. 3.30 Countdown. 4.15 Deal or No Storm Chasers (1998). Drama, with DJs Superfty Ky & Stammer. 5.25 Newsround. 5.35 Lindisfarne 1.35 FILM: The Prisoner Including local weather Deal. 5.00 The New Paul O'Grady Starring Kelly McGillis and Wolf Chicken George shy their Neighbours. of Zenda (1952). Adventure, 6.30 ITV Evening News; Show. Larson. 3.35 five news update. rl i.lorrie 6.00 BBC News and Weather. Starring Stewart Granger and Weather. The latest 6.00 The Simpsons. Three tales 3.40 FILM: The Wrong Girl (19991 Faversham 'lit had NEW BOHEMIA 6.30 Look North; Weather. Deborah Kerr. 3.15 Through the national and international of Halloween horror. Thriller, Starring Jonathan Scarfe funk, soul, hip hop with rd %ft-UO.- 7.00 A Question of Sport. Keyhole. 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready news. 6.30 Hollyoaks. and Barbara Mandrel]. 5.30 five Trevor Whateva & Gkut 0 dearly Sue Barker hosts the sports Steady Cook. 5.15 Weakest Link. 7.00 Emmerdale. Toni's 7.00 Channel 4 News. news. ick corn- announcement shocks 8.00 The War at Home. 6.00 Home and Away. Peter HIR Club quiz. 6.00 Eggheads. Dermot the case 7.30 Open All Hours. Sitcom Murnaghan hosts a general Paddy. Comedy about a couple finds out that Zoe has FUNKSOULNATION 70's soul, funk with DJ's rs in ryrc about a miserly knowledge quiz 7.30 Coronation Street. Rosie struggling to raise their planted a spy camera in the Kato & Jay Waterhouse shopkeeper. 6.30 Extreme Dreams with and Craig plan to escape teenage children. police station. Cassie is 8.00 EastEnders. Jane panics Ben Fogle. Weatherfield for good • but 8.30 The Simpsons_ After injured when she and Mission ions has when an goes missing - 7.00 Feeding Frenzy: the Websters are none the Springfield wins the title of Macca have a fight. Peter VIBEALITE need It, 8.30 The Green Green Grass. Convenient Cuisine. In wiser. Hayley takes Fiz to World's Fattest Town, gets a message from Zoe hardcore tie,_ Lis Sitcom spinoff from Only the first of a two-part series task about her whingeing. Marge launches an anti- 6.30 Two and a Half Men. The SubcUllure they are Fools and Horses. Beth's on the new food revolution, vvww.ity.com/coronationstre sugar crusade. With the American sitcom. Alan feels FRIDAY FLOCK hes arc. concern for animal welfare 7.30 The Trees That Made et. guest voice of Ben Stiller. hurt when Charlie asks him goth, alternative. 80's has far-reaching Britain. Jon Hammerton 8.00 Tonight with Trevor 9.00 Star Stories. Comedy to stay out of the house Twilife reel In consequences for and foray Kirkham present McDonald: The Green series spoofing the bust- while Charlie's friends DESCENT ge and Winterdown Farm. 8.00 York Minster. Factor. The eco-friendly ups, love-ins and fall-outs come over. funky. electrified house 9.00 Outtake TV. Anne Documentary series about lifestyles of four families of celebrities. 7.00 five news. National and 'et) and Robinson introduces a life in York Minster. are put to the test by a 930 Best of the Worst. international news with University, Pulse & Mine h) corn- programme of bloopers 8.30 Gardeners' World. With panel of environmental Comedy panel show John Suchel. FRUITY to influ- 7.30 Flying with Falcons. pop, cheeSe. party, 9.30 Not Going Out. Sitcom. Monty Don, Carol Klein and experts who determine celebrating the highest r'n b. dance. Odle inly can Lee tries to find his serious Joe Swift. whether they really are as achievements in hitting Documentary. Falcon expert le thern- side 9.00 Galapagos. Natural green as they believe. rock bottom, Lloyd Buck assembles a velvet Underground vel y. to 10.00 BBC News; Regional history series 8.30 Airline. Seven friends 10.00 The Charlotte Church crack team of balloon SUPERCONDUCTOR News; Weather. 9.50 The Rabbits of Skomer. arrive at Luton for a flight Show. The Voice of art pilots, skydivers and base with The Black Dog 10.35 Friday Night with Documentary about the 9.00 Taggart. DCI Matt Burke's Angel shows she has other jumpers to help him test his Wardrobe Jonathan Ross. Mix of wild rabbits professional life is left strings to her harp trained peregrines to the EXPANSIONS SOUL JAZZ music and celebrity chat 10.00 QI. Stephen Fry hosts the hanging in the balance 10.55 Da Ali G Show. Ali G gets limit. SPECIAL with Jonathan Ross. Guests quiz show in which when a body is found relationship advice from 8.30 The All Star Talent Ws Fraser & Chico Molo include Zech Braff. Gary contestants are rewarded behind the wheel of a car in Men Are from Mars, Women Show. Andi Peters and gigs Barlow, Gordon Ramsay more if their answers are the Clyde after an apparent Are from Venus author John Myleene Klass present the Cockpit and Mitchell and Webb. - quite hit and run Gray celebrity talent show. Six SPARKLEHORSE Music comes horn Snow 10.30 Newsnight. 10.30 ITV News. 11.30 My Name Is Earl. The more brave celebrities tory Patrol and Martha 11.00 Newsnight Review. 11.00 Robbie Williams: Video adventures of small-time showcase hidden talents HiFi Club THE SMOKESTACKS Wainwright. 11.35 Solomon Burke: Exclusive. An exclusive crook Earl. whose life has with a place in next week's 11.35 FILM: Road Trip (2000). Everybody Needs play of the video for Robbie been lull of poor choices Grand Final up for grabs. Josephs Well Comedy in which a group Somebody. Paul Spencer's Williams's new single and mistakes, but who 10.00 FILM: The Peacekeeper LIF -11 CC le- of male college students film. 11.05 Hell's Kitchen. Ramsay's decides to change his ways (1997). Action adventure ttlbCT have a race against time to 12.35 Joins BBC News 24. 1.10 in which an air force major challenge for the two teams when he wins a small *top tickets `r black stop their buddy's girlfriend Close 2.00 BBC Learning with a reputation for today is a head-to-head lottery jackpot. fel: 08709 913913 ring the receiving an explicit. home- Zone: Open University and blindfolded taste test where 12.00 My Name Is Earl. 12.30 The getting himself intotrouble web: alive.co.uk/tIckets made movie of the General Interest: The the winners go on a Album Chart Show. 1.00 Vodafone finds that he is the only ck corn- unfaithful chap in action, Science of Climate. 2.30 A glamorous photo shoot, but TBA 2.00 Party Poker.com Late person who can stop a THE AUTOMATIC: 15 Starring Tom Green and Formidable Foe. 3.00 A the others must stay and Night Poker Ace. 3.00 first Person, deadly group of terrorists, Di Leeds University ion will Breckin Meyer. Thread of Quicksilver. 330 clean the kitchens 3.25 Ballet Changed My Life' Starring Dolph Lundgren rations 1.10 loins BBC News 24. Uncertain Principles. 4.00 12.05 ITV Play: Make Your Play. Ballet Hool 4.25 Dispatches: The and Roy Scheider. with a The Birth of Liquid Crystals. 4.25 Too Many Cooks. 5.00 ITV Drug Trial that Went Wrong. 5.15 12.00 Real Sex. 12.50 Quiz Call. s for all 4.30 Open Advice. 5.00 Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Early Countdown. 5.35 Wildlife SOS. a Black Building the Perfect Beast. Morning News. eakerret•

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12 Robin Hood is back and has some big shoes to fill, pretty high. All the crew this time he's wearing following in the footsteps are present in this latest Robin Hood Saturda trendy hoodies and has a of Disney's Robin Hood, adaptation including dangerously authentic played by a fox. OK, Kevin Little John, The Sheriff. 7:0Spm Octobe amount of stubble. Jonas Costner was useless, but Marian and Roy. Armstrong (Robin Hood) Disney's fox sets the bar Andrew Edelston BBC1

ONE TWO itv 4 five 6.00 Breakfast. 10.00 Saturday 6.00 CBeebies: Fimbles. 6.20 6.00 GMTV. 9.25 Saturday Cooks 6.00 The Cubeez. 6.10 The Hoobs. 6.00 Sunrise. 6.55 Harry and his club Kitchen, 11.30 Ever Wondered Pingu. 6.30 Charlie and Iola. 6.40 including Chef v Britain. 9.55 6.35 The Hoobs, 7.00 FIA GT Bucket Full of Dinosaurs. 7.10 about Food. 12.00 BBC News; The Story Makers 7.00 CBBC: Saturday Cooks Live. 11.30 CITY: Championship. 7.30 Avon Tyres Harry and Ills Bucket Full of THEG ARAGE Spider's alternative action, rock Weather. 12.10 Football Focus. Batfink. 7.10 Astro Boy. 7.30 My Parents are Aliens. 12.00 CITY: British GT Championship. 8.00 The Dinosaurs. 7.25 Miss 1.00 Grandstand. 1.05 Racing Dennis the Menace. 7.55 BB3B. Drake & Josh. 12_30 Tricky Morning Line 8.55 T4: Futurama. Sunny Patch Friends- 7.45 Make DisOCtheque from Ascot and Chepstow. 2.15 8.15 Legend of the Dragon 8.35 Quickies. 12.35 CITV: The New 9.20 14: Friends. 9.55 T4: Princess Way for Noddy 8.00 Franklin. 8.30 UBERISM Rugby Union: Anglo-Welsh Cup. What's New Scooby Doo? 9.00 Adventures of Superman. 1.35 ITV Nikki. 10.30 T4: Popworld. 11.20 Gerald McBoing Boing. 9.05 Jane MoS 15th Birthday with 4.25 BBC News; Regional News; TMi. 11.45 Sportsround. 12.00 11.50 T4: Totally and the Dragon. 9.35 Blue Water John Pearn See News; Weather. 1.40 Calendar T4: Friends Weather. 4.45 Match of the Day Hear 12.45 The Sky at Night. 1.05 News and Weather. 1.45 The Bayband. 12.3014: Freaky. 1.00 High. 10.05 Hercules: Legendary Evolution Live. The Flying Gardener. 1.25 Film Crocodile Hunter Diaries. 2.15 The T4: Charmed, 2.00 Channel 4 Journeys. 11.05 RAD: The Groins I LOVE S.E.X. 7,05 Robin Hood. Drama 2006 with Jonathan Ross. 1.55 Star Cosby Mysteries. 3.15 Ft Japanese Racing from York and Bangor-on- Ride the Rockies. 11.40 The r'n'b. hip mop with series giving a Trek 2.45 Star Trek: The Next Grand Prix Qualifying. 5.10 Dee. 4.00 A Place in the Sun. 4.30 Gadget Show. 12.25 Built for the B-Naughty contemporary feel to the Generation. 3.30 Star Trek: The Calendar News Sport and Weather. FILM: Overboard (1987). Comedy, Kill 1.00 FILM: Columbia; Dead Faversham Robin Hood legend. Robin Next Generation, 4.15 FILM. the 5.2.5 [IV News; Sports Results; Starring Goldie Hawn and Kurt Weight (1971I. Crime, Starring BAD SNEAKERS of Locksley heads home Shooting Party 11984) Drama, Weather. 5.40 All New You've Been Russell. Peter Falk and Edie Albert. 2.40 rock. punk with Johnny from the Crusades to find Starring James Mason and Edward Framed! 630 Channel 4 News. FILM: Blindfold 11966). Spy, Florida + we bands his people starving and Fox. 5.50 Flag It! 6.10 The X Factor. Simon. Including sport and Starring Rock Hudson and Claudia Cardinale 4.35 FILM: Two Came HiFi Club brutalised. 6.50 Galapagos. Natural Sharon and Louis decide weather. THE BOOGALOO CLUB 7.50 Strictly Come Dancing. history series exploring the which of the eight 635 Ballet Changed My Life: Back (1997). Drama, Starling funk, pa with Mart Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly Galapagos Islands, remaining acts in each of Ballet Roo! Reality series Melissa Joan Hart and Jonathan Bradshaw, Mike Vvalwyn present as celebrities pair 7.40 The Culture Show. their respective categories following 200 Brandis. up with professional Special edition of the arts will make the grade. For all disadvantaged teens as 6.20 House. US hospital drama Mission they take part in the about a maverick New GLASSHOUSE dancers to compete in a and culture show, with a the latest X Factor news go house with Jon. Ulysees ballroom dancing look at the hie and career to www.itv.com Birmingham Royal Ballet's Jersey doctor House battles competition. First up, the of Michael PalM, who talks 7.15 Ant And Dec's Saturday production of Romeo and to save a presidential Mission Annexe men dance the waltz or cha about his diaries and Night Takeaway. luliet. After 18, the big candidate who collapsed at JOY night finally arrives. a high-level campaign with Joey BeItram cha cha. reveals his personal pick of Jamiroquai gives an 9.00 The National Lottery: 1 the best TV moments. exclusive performance of 8.30 Bremner, Bird and fundraiser. y House vs 100. Dermot O'Leary 8.30 Qt. Stephen fry hosts the new single Runaway. Fortune. Topical satirical 7.10 five news and sport. BACK TBASICSO hosts a quiz show in which quiz show in which 8.30 The X Factor. It's decision comedy from impressionist 7.20 NCIS. Series following special gueS1 DJ Sneak one hopeful contestant contestants ate rewarded time for Simon. Sharon and Rory Bremner and regular special agents investigating crimes connected to the Northern Light takes on 100 opponents in more if their answers are Louis as they make the collaborators John Bird and THE DIRTY DISCO a bid to win cash. Includes 'quite interesting' difficult decision over which John Fortune. Navy. The team manage to Adam Freeland, Tim the National Lottery draws. 9.00 TOTP Z. of the twelve hopefuls will 9.30 FILM: A Knight's Tale link a murder to a Sheridan. Geddes 9.45 Strictly Come Dancing. 9.30 Ws... the Monty Python make the final_ For all the (2001). Medieval spoof prescription drug ring. The first couple to be Story. Eddie lizard goes in latest X Factor news go to about a lowborn 14th- 8.10 NCIS. Series following University, Stylus century squire who replaces special agents investigating FIERCE ANGEL knocked out of Strictly search of the roots of wwwitv.com. Mark Doyle. Eric Kupper Come Dancing is Python humour. 9.35 Afterlife. Alison senses his dead employer as a naval crimes. The discovery announced. 10.20 Omnibus. John Lloyd that Lucy is possessed by competitor in a jousting of three bodies stuffed into Viva Cuba Central 10.15 BBC News; Weather. presents the story of the the spirit of Jonathan's first competition reserved for barrels shocks Duffy as he 100% LATINO realises he knows who they salsawith DJs Luoi. Fabio 10.35 Match of the Day. Monty Python team from wife, but Robert is not the nobility, Starring Heath 11.35 Rugby League Raw. their beginnings as five convinced. Alison struggles Ledger and Mark Addy. are. Wardrobe More action as four teams Oxbridge writer-performers with the ghost of her dead 12.00 4 Music: BT Digital Music 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE battle it out for the chance and an American animator. mother Awards 2006. 12.15 4 Music: The Investigation. US forensic jazz. funk & hip-hop to reach the National 11.15 Mock the Week. Comedy 10.35 Parkinson. Actor and Album Chart Show: Beck Special. Mama. 10.00 Law and Order: Special Warehouse League Grand Finals. show combining panel comedian Shane Richie, 12.45 4 Music: Vodatone TBA ELETROCUTE Widnes Vikings entertain game, stand-up and actress Sheila Hancock and 1,45 4 Music: Rockfeedback. 2.15 Victims Unit. Drama electro. house disco Whitehaven and Swinton improvisation. broadcaster Jeremy Paxman 4 Music 4 Play, 230 FILM: Brown series about a police sex Lions face Celtic Crusaders. 11.45 FILM: Brazil (1985). Terry all join Michael tonight. Sugar (2002). Comedy, Starring crimes unit based in New gigs 12.20 FILM: Escape from Alcatraz Gilliam's surreal Orwellian Plus there's music from Taye Diggs and Sanaa Lathan. 4.25 York. The brutal rape and Cockpit fantasy. MOBO award winner Thunder Races. 5.25 Countdown. murder of an FBI informant SIKTH (1979). Drama, Starring Clint Eastwood and Patrick McGoohan. 2.00 BBC Learning Zone: Open Corinne Bailey Rae. leads Stabler to Prague on Faversham 2.10 Friday Night with Jonathan University and General 11.35 RV News. the trail of a kidnapped girl, KLAXONS Ross. 3.10 Match of the Day Interest: The Challenge. 11.50 ITV Play: Make Your 11.00 FILM: Disclosure (1994). Rerun. 4.55 Joins BBC News 24. 2.30 An A to Z of English. Play. Play the new Big-budget thriller about Josephs Well SUICIDE SILENCE 3.00 An English Accent interactive game show from sexual harassment and 3.30 English Only in home using your skill and dirty dealings in the Universittyy Mine & Pulse America? 4.00 Animated judgement for a chance to corporate world, based on THE GLITTERATI English: The Creature win nightly cash prizes of Michael Crichton's Comforts Story. 4.30 Open up to 50,000 pounds. bestseller, Starling Michael Advice: Exam Success. 5.00 3.35 Trading Treasures. 4,00 ITV Douglas and Demr Move The Next Big Thing. 5.30 Nightscreen. 4.30 ITV Early 1.20 Quiz Call. 5.35 Wildlife SOS. Ever Wondered? Morning News. 5,00 Fl: Japanese Grand Prix Live. born 1003

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This special version of Dragon's advice has amount of failures, It is Dragon's Den:Vilhere 13 the classic show reveals actually made a great however, when we Are They Now? which business plans difference. Its a logical see an idea that has taken unday worked and which did step for the show and a off with no backing at all BB C2 •tain not, hence revealing very interesting one, from the Dragons. October whether or not the especially in terms of the Andrew Edelston 8PM .isident

13 relative num I came to ONE TWO itv 1 1 4 five its nine'. 6.00 Breakfast. 9.00 Sunday AM. 6.00 CBeebies: Fimbles 6.20 8.00 GMTV. 11.55 the Crocodile 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs. 6.10 five news and sport. ,i1 read y 10.00 Heaven and Earth with Pingu. 6.30 Charlie and Lola. 6.40 Hunter Diaries. 12.15 The Sunday 7.00 Trans World Sport. 8.00 The latest national and CIU • nursing. Gloria Edition with Andrew Rawnsley and World Superbikes. 8.30 Freesports international headlines Flares my steps Hunnitord. 11.00 The Story Makers. 7.00 CBBC: AMU. MIX IT Countryfile. 12.00 The Politics Batfink. 7.10 Legend of the Andrea Catherwood.1.15 on 4_ 9.00 T4: Popwoild. 9.50 74: with Faye Barker. requests night. ante of Show. 1.00 Super league Show. Dragon. 7.30 Smile. 10.00 Calendar News and Sport. 1.20 Hollyoaks Omnibus. 12.20 T4: 6.20 FILM. The Wind in the and fu•- 1.30 Keeping Up Appearances. Something for the Weekend. 11.30 The X Factor 2.25 The X Factor Slave to Fashion. 1.20 Girls Aloud: Willows (1997). Live- HiFi Club ew up in 0 2.05 Points of 12.00 FILM: Love 3.30 F1' Japanese Grand Prix. Off the Record. 1.50 T4: Beauty action version of the classic THE SUNDAY JOINT EastEnders. 3,55 Planet Food. !Link. DJs MJ ing in. it 6.00 Allerton Out of the 2.50 T4: Smallville: children's tale. Rat, Mole live ion & View. 4.10 Jonathan Ross's World after Death (1998). Drama, Starring and the Geek. Soul 8 Malcolm X id a lack of Rabin Hood_ 5,10 Jane Eyre Walter Matthau and Carol Burnett. Ashes. When restoration Superman the Early Years. 3.15 T4: and Badger's welfare is put he chive 6.10 Songs of Praise. Diane 1.30 Sunday Grandstand. 1.35 work at the fire-damaged Charmed, 4.50 Men in White 5.55 at risk when Toad uses their Mook Louise Jordan joins the Football. Euro 2008 Qualifiers Ailerton is put on hold, Deal or No Deal. properties as collateral to FLYTIME here and worried would-be brides 6.40 T4: Decoding Da Vinci. fund his motorcar lalln jam old skoot funk s and or crowds at the annual Review. 1.45 Rugby League: Super & soul Spring Harvest festival for a League Play-offs. 2.30 Rugby wonder if the place will still Dan Rivers presents a obsession. Starring Eric cite they had feast of contemporary Union: Anglo-Welsh Cup 3.15 be a work site on their big three-part series and Steve Coogan. Northern Light ey were Christian music, and she Rugby Union:Anglo-Welsh Cup. days investigating the truth 8.00 Birth Night... Live. A VERY VERnfERY by their 5.30 Wild Provence. 6.25 Calendar News and behind Dan Brown's celebration of childbirth, WRONG INDEED discovers why modern cutting edge house d come worship songs are so 6.00 Seal Sanctuary. Pam Sport. international bestseller. The live from Nottingham hey had Ferris narrates this 6.40 IN News; Weather. first programme University Hospital. Gabby popular. Ocarina J strug- 6.45 Antiques Roadshow. documentary about the 7.00 Emmerdale Family investigates secret societies. Logan and Andrew Castle AMPLIFIED ei dearl y Michael Aspel and the largest great seal colony in Album. The arrival of the 7.40 Channel 4 News. present, with roving indie team set up for business in England, Tates in 1989 was heralded Including sport and reporter Penny Lancaster. ck coin- 10.00 FILM: Sleeping with the The Subculture he ■:ase the grounds of Kedleston 6.10 Natural World. Following as Dallas with dung. Relive weather. SUNDAY CLUB Hall in Derbyshire. Amongst the world's largest wolf some of the most gripping 8.00 100 Greatest Funny Enemy (1991). Thriller in goth 1115: the items under scrutiny pack, at Yellowstone. moments in the history of Moments. 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Moolib, Pear rut Butler lug eon- Footsteps of the Ice WOld, J-Rocc Bear. Documentary series African Challenge. for the first time after her 12.05 4Music Presents... 12.35 Highlights from Los Angeles •eect. In Steve Leonard is near the Eleven disabled people ordeal. Vodafone TBA, Pussycat Dolls. 1.25 of the twelfth X Games, gigs ge and North Pole on the trail of a attempt to walk across www.itv.com/coronationstre World Superhikes. 2.25 The Album providing fans with Cockpit et y and SETH LAKEMAN mother polar bear and her Africa et, Chart Show. 2.50 KO1V. 3.20 Ws amazing action and some vy corn- 10.00 FILM: My Summer of 8.00 The Royal. Medical GT Championship. 3.50 Avon Tyres of the biggest tricks ever tiny cub. Aurora has Josephs Well to influ- travelled 3,000 miles trying Love (2004). It's summer drama British GT Championship. 4.20 pulled in action sports THE OTHERSIDE to find food for both of and working class tomboy 9.00 What We Did on Our Thunder Races. 5.20 Countdown. history. nly can them. Mona meets the well-to-do Holiday. Shane Richie and CHANNEL 5 12.00 The X Games X11. 1255 tvielropolitan University le them- 9.00 lane Eyre. Dramatisation and spoilt Tasmin in the Pauline Collins star in a Sunday October B, 2006 Major League Baseball. 4.30 Dutch SEETHER• vely. io of Charlotte Bronze's classic Yorkshire countryside. An drama about a man who 6.00 The Save-Urnsl 610 Bear in Football. Oxfam novel. Returning to unlikely bond develops, takes his wife and parents the Big Blue House. 6.35 Sailor JON GOMM Thornfield, Jane expects Stamng Pinkly Consvivar and on holiday to Malta and Sid. 6.40 Roobarb and Custard Too Rochester to wed Blanche Emily Blunt discovers that his dad 6.55 Harry and his Bucket Full of Universey Ingram and is shocked by 11.25 Extras. Sitcom about a fathered a child there Dinosaurs. 7.05 Harryand his CORRINE BAILEY RAE' an altogether different former TV extra who gets during the war. Bucket Full of Dinosaurs. 7.25 Miss marriage proposal. his own BBC sitcom. 11.00 ITV News. Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7.40 *top tickets 10.00 BBC News; Weather. 11.55 Golf: Dunhill Links 11.15 F1: Japanese Grand Prix Make Way for Noddy. 8.00 tot 08709 913913 10.15 Panorama. Championship. Ken Highlights. Steve Rider Franklin. 8.30 Gerald McBoing web: allve.co.uk/tickets 10.55 NM: Sommersby Brown introduces highlights presents all the key action Boing. 9.00 Jane and the Dragon. THE LEMONHEADS: 9 to ry (1993). Romantic period as Colin Montgomerie from the Japanese Grand 9.30 What Makes Me Happy. 9.45 Oct. Leeds drama about a man who defends his title Prix. Can retiring hero Demolition Dad. 10.00 Round the Metropolitan Uni returns to his home town 12.55 Arrested Development. 1.15 Michael Schumacher beat Twist. 10.30 Over the Sea to ROOSTER: 10 Oct. after a lengthy absence Arrested Development 1.40 heir apparent Fernando School. 11.00 Snobs. 11.35 Bradford Rio ohcr spent fighting in the US Close 2.00 BBC Learning Alonso as they fight for Combat Club. 12.05 A Different Civil War and appears to Zone: WorkSkills in championship points? life. 12.35 Revelations. 1.05 five EMBRACE: 13 Oct. 4 slack have undergone a drastic Construction: The 12.20 Champions League Weekly news update. 1.10 Fifth Gear. 2.15 Monchetter Apollo ,i1g the transformation, Starring Complete Guide. 3.00 The 12.45 Faith and Music. 1.35 ITV FILM: Colombo: How to Dial a k corn- LILY ALLEN '26 Oct. Flit:hate Gere and Jodie Foster. Career ladder. 4.00 Play. Make Your Play. 4.05 The Murder (1978). 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Gordon the Garden Gnome. 10.00 Mog. 3.05 Pocoyo. 3.15 Mr Bean: Teen Tycoons. 10.00 Tricky Flowertots. 8.15 Peppa Pig. 8.20 LATE NIGHT LAUNDRY 1.40 Neighbours. 2.05 Doctors. Big Cook Little Cook. 10.20 Pingu. The Animated Series. 3.30 Mr Business Two 1030 Big Squeeze. Franny's Feel. 8.40 Bird Bath. 8.50 student night 2.35 Diagnosis Murder. 3.20 BBC 10.30 Let's Write a Story. 10.50 Bean: The Animated Series 3.45 11.00 The Market. 11.30 The My First.., 9.00 The Wright Stuff HiFi Club News; Weather; Regional News. Let's Write a Story. 11.10 The Spongebob Squarepants. 4.00 Deadly Knowledge Show. 12.00 10.30 Trisha Goddard. 11.30 five SWEET REVIVAL 3.25 CBBC: Lazytown 3.50 Maya Maths Channel - Year 5, 11.20 The Jungle Run. 4.30 My Parents are News at Noon_ 12.30 Headland. news. 12.00 Home and Away. r'n'b, hip hop & soul with, and Miguel. 4.15 Crush. 4.40 The Maths Channel Year 5. 11.30 Aliens. 5.00 The Sharon Osbourne 1.30 FILM: Wake of the Red Witch 12.30 BrainTeaser. 1.30 FILM: The resident DA Bertgioko, Batman. 5.00 Blue Peter. 5.25 Shakespeare: Animated Tales. Show: X Factor Special. {1949). Adventure, Starring John Killing of Randy Webster (1981). Martin R & Malt Poppy Luton Newsround 5.35 Neighbours. 12.00 The Daily Politics. 12.30 6.00 Calendar. Wayne and Gail Russell. 3.30 Drama, Starring Hal Holbrook and 6.00 BBC News and Weather. Working Lunch. 1.00 What? 6.30 ITV Evening News; Countdown. 4.15 Deal or No Deal. Dixie Carter. 3.30 FILM: The Golden Northern Liorht 6.30 Look North; Weather. 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Fiona Foster meets victims Mental Health Scandal. decides to put his marriage Oceania hasn't answered Ian's 3.45 Flog Documentary uncovering with Judith behind him, RENDEIVLI It! 4.30 Ready Steady calling for tougher funky house, dance. • marriage proposal. The Fox Cook. 5.15 Weakest Link. punishments and asks the hidden scandal of while she dates lake's r'n'b, hip nab & disco family struggle to adapt to 6.00 Eggheads. whether the public is tight Britian's psychiatric wards paediatrician. living with the Wickses. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing: to lase faith in the courts. as they struggle to cope 7.00 five news. University, Stylus 8.30 Rogue Traders. Matt It Takes Two. 8.30 Coronation Street. with a lack of resources, 7.15 The Gadget Show. 1XTRA TOUR L Double, Bailey, Flight. Allwright and Dan 7.00 A Seaside Parish. Ashley has some bad news revealing incidents of 8.00 Fifth Gear. Ruckspin & MC Gufto Penteado go undercover in 7.30 Return to Tuscany. for Bev - and she's patient abuse and sexual 9.00 Extraordinary People: search of service providers London restaurateurs inconsolable as her big day assault. Britain's Identical gigs who rip off their clients. Giancarlo Caldesi and Katie turns into a nightmare. The 9.00 Wife Swap. Series in Quads. Documentary City varieties They find a skip hire firm Beresford attempt to open a wedding guests are in which wives swap their telling the story of HOWARD MARKS who illegally tip and bum Tuscan cookery school. It's shock as disaster strikes. lives for two weeks. Long- Hertfordshire couple Jose Cockpit their waste the day of the wedding, but 9.00 Life Begins, In this last suffering spouse and full- and Julie, who tried for a PLAN 11 9.00 Spooks. Drama series there's a family row ever episode, Brenda and time mother Debbie Doody baby.,. and ended up with about the British Security brewing over the cake. 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Joanna Lumley. biggest airlines are ripping 10.30 ITV News. identity of a young winner Alice make it as a Leeds University 11.15 Film 2006 with off consumers in a massive 11.00 Real Crime: The Truth amnesiac linked to a model in the real world? price-fixing conspiracy. about the Babes in the murder. And what are the other GNARLS BARKLEY: 3 Jonathan Ross. Nov. 'A' Manchester 11.45 FILM British Film 10.30 Newsnight. Wood. Two children were 12.00 Party Poker,com Late Night contestants doing several Apollo Theatre Season: Lawless Heart 11.20 Never Mind the Full found dead near Epping Poker Ace. 1.00 Keane: live in months on? (2001). Stops. Forest in 1970, but It was Chicago. 2.05 FILM: Jump 12.00 The Joan Rivers Position, CHRISTINA AGUILERA, 1.25 Sign Zone: Galapagos. 2.15 11.50 Joins BBC News 24. not until a man came Tomorrow (2001). 3.45 Reasons to 12.30 USPGA Golf. 1.20 NFL Live. 17 Nov. 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Fast- GREEN DAY!" 10.35 The National Lottery a Packet of Crisps. error, which resulted in the four dysfunctional families paced tongue-in-cheek Sitcom about the lives and 10.00 The Town that's crime thriller. University Draws. conviction of an innocent ORSON' 10.40 Match of the Day. Gary loves of five man, means that Tony Hill's Looking for Love. 11.15 Swinging. Comedy sketch Lineker presents highlights tvventysomethings every case will be Documentary about 21- show taking a wry look at University. Stylus of England's tricky Euro 10.30 Newsnight scrutinised by the police year-old Vince Peart's modern sexual DIRTY SANCHEZ* 2008 qualifier 11.20 The Apprentice USA. and media. lonely-hearts campaign to relationships in Britain. 11.40 FILM: Hunt for Justice Reality TV series set in New 10.30 ITV News. attract women to his 11.45 Swinging. Comedy sketch *top tickets (2005). Drama following York in which contestants 11.00 The Contender II - The hometown of Alston in show taking a wry look at fel: 08709 913913 the story of UN prosecutor compete for a job with Final. The competition Cumbria. modem sexual web: alive.co.uk/fickets Louise Arbour's Donald Trump. The latest reaches its climax with the 11.05 4 Music: Vodafone Music relationships in Britain. At 1.15 Sign Zone: Are We Being task is to create a grand final from Los Awards. Chris Moyles Mental lads' magazine, the HAYSEED DIXIE: 21 Nov. • ' Leeds Metropolitan Served? 1.45 Sign Zone: Ancient promotional brochure for Angeles. Of the two boxers hosts the awards ceremony editorial team have University Rome: The Rise and Fall of an Pontiac. left with a chance of glory, 12.40 Franz Ferdinand: produced the ultimate Empire 2.45 Sign Zone: Fred 12.00 The Apprentice USA 12.45 who will walk away with Rock it to Rio. 1.15 guide to Britain's potties AZRIEL: 24 Nov. 44 Leeds Dibnah's World of Steam, Steel and loins BBC News 24. 2.00 BBC title and half-a-million Vodafone TBA: Razorlight. 12.15 PartyPoker com World Open Josephs Well Stone. 3.15 Sign Zone: To Buy or Learning Zone: Schools: World dollars) 2.15 Vodafone TB& The II 1.45 Baseball Wednesday. 4.35 Not to Buy. 4.00 loins BBC News Physical. 4.00 A Picture of Britain. 12.00 ITV Play: The Mint 4.05 The Killers. 3.00 Goalissimo! NHRA Drag Racing: O'Reilly Fall 24. 5.00 Coast Jeremy Kyle Show. 5.00 ITV 3.50 Freesports on 4. 4.20 Nationals. Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Early Trans World Sport. 5.15 Morning News. Countdown. W.-. 1993

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111121E=111 ii:MM6111111- ritrw Put quite simply this show bon is simply the M25. bad driving takes care of 4to is about a road. That's it. It Hardly subject matter to that. In fact who on earth Road to Hell HELL HEAVEN literally takes a look at a get excited about. Its not would commission a 30 hursday ritain long stretch of tarmac. like the devil lurks by the minute programme about 11:30p.m The satanic connotations side of the road randomly a motorway anyway? Oh, ctober esident of the title prove mislead- condeming drivers to the rrv. ITV' ing as the road in goes- firey depths of hell Their Wait W Hetlier 12 I came to b B 12113[1 vas nine; ONE TWO itv 4 already nursing. 6.00 Breakfast. 9.15 To Buy or 6.00 Close 7.00 CBBC: Batfink. 6.00 GMTV. 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle 6.00 The Cubeez. 6.10 The Hoobs. 6.00 The Save-Umsl 6.10 Bear in Not to Buy. 10.00 City Hospital 7.05 Troll?. 7.30 Roar. 8.30 Show. 10.30 This Morning_ 12.30 6.35 The Hoobs. 7.00 Freshly the Big Blue House. 6,40 Roobarb club my stems Baja Beach Club Mince of 11110 Escape to the Country. CBeebies: Charlie and Lola. 8.40 Loose Women. 1.30 ITV Lunchtime Squeezed. 7.25 Friends. 7.55 and Custard Too. 6.50 Hi-5_ 7.25 BAJA 54 11.30 Car Booty. 12.15 Bargain Boogie Beebies. 9.00 News; Weather 2.00 Crime Hour: Everybody Loves Raymond, 8.25 The Little Princess 7.45 Make Way and fur- Hunt. 1.00 BBC News; Weather. Autumnwatch 9.30 Me Tool 9.50 Midsomer Murders. 3.00 Meg and Will and Grace. 8.55 Frasier. 9.30 for Noddy. 8.00 Fill and the •esst tip in 1.30 Regional News and Weather. Gordon the Garden Gnome_ 10.00 Mog_ 3.05 Pocoyo. 3.15 Mr Bean: Search for Cool. 10.20 Designers Flowenots 8.15 Peppa Pig. 8.20 GENERATOR mg in. it 1.40 Neighbours. Big Cook Little Cook. 10.20 Pingu. The Animated Series 3.30 MI Under Pressure. 10.30 In Search of Thomas and Friends. 8.40 Bird dance, hip hop. roc< 2-05 Doctors. rave with DJ All Valiun-i ad a luck 2.35 Diagnosis Murder. 3.20 BBC 10.30 Look and Read. 10.50 Music Bean: The Animated Series. 3.45 the Tartan Turban. 11.00 The Bath. 8.50 My First.. 9.00 The he drive 10.30 Trisha News; Weather; Regional News. Makers. 11.10 The Maths Channel Spongeflob SquarePants. 4.00 Market. 11.30 The Deadly Wright Stuff. Creation here and 3.50 Maya - Year 6. 11.20 The Maths Channel Jungle Run. 4.30 My Parents are Knowledge Show 12.00 News at Goddard. 11.30 five news. 12.00 3.25 CBBC: Lazytown zs and of and Miguel. 4.15 Crush. 4.40 The - Year 6. 11.30 Focus. 11.50 Aliens. 5.00 The Sharon Osbourne Noon. 12.30 Headland. 1.30 3 Home and Away. 12.30 Thai full moon experi- Batman. 5.00 Young Dracula. 5.25 Primary Geography. 12.00 The Show. Minute Wonder. 1.35 FILM: BrainTeaser 1.40 FILM: Death of a ence they had ley were Newsround. 5.35 Neighbours Daily Politics 12.30 Working 6.00 Calendar, Champion (1949). Drama, Starring Gunfighter (1969). Western, Flares 6.00 BBC News and Weather. Lunch. 1.00 Coast: Scotland - 6.30 ITV Evening News; Kirk Douglas and Marilyn Maxwell. Starring Richard Welmark and Lena COPACABANA vhy their 6.30 Look North; Weather. Cardigan Bay. 1.05 FILM: Dunkirk Weather. 330 Countdown. 4.15 Deal or No Home 3.35 five news update. id come 7.00 Airport. Documentary I1958). War, Starring John Mills and 7.00 Emmerdale. Victoria Deal. 5.00 The New Paul O'Grady 3.40 FILM: When Time Expires HARLEM BUSH CLUB icy had series which goes behind Richard Attenborough. 3.15 Open returns from Spain. Debbie (1997). Science Fiction, Starring live jar/ funk. soul & rd strug- the scenes at Heathrow. Gardens. 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready ignores Scott's advice - but Show The Simpsons. Grampa Richard Grieco and Cynthia Geary. hip-hop , dearly 5.15 Weakest Link. sells a home-made tonic 5.30 five news, PCSO Sarah ends up Steady Cook still manages to prove him k corn- chasing a taxi tout across a 6.00 Eggheads. Dermot wrong. Val and Diane think which increases sexual 6.00 Home and Away. No terminal Murnaghan hosts a general of a plan to scupper Louise desire in men, and reveals 6.30 Two and a Half Men. FULL MOON the case IN in rttr: 7.30 EastEnders. Minty plans a knowledge quiz www.ity.comfemmerdale. that Homer's conception American sitcom. Charlie The Subculture big surprise for Si. Denise 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing: 7.30 Eye in the Sky. The was an accident, meets his match when he GIGANTIC and Kevin desperately need It Takes Two. Claudia landscapes of the north of 6.30 Hollyoaks. falls for a self-centred, eteCtra. rock & alterno ions has some time alone together. Winkleman brings all the England. 7.00 Channel 4 News. manipulative narassist tive need to Karaoke in the Vic ends latest news and gossip 8.00 The Bill. Mickey Webb 7.55 3 Minute Wonder. who's better at playing University. Stylus & Pulse ties. By Dawn's hopes of 7.00 Mythbusters. SFX experts wakes up in a strange bed Coverage of the 2006 Frieze hard to get than he is. Ghostface Killah Wu they are 7.00 five news. impressing Rob. Jamie Hyneman and Adam and is arrested for rape. Art Fair, held in Regent's Tang Clan] feat Tnetocf hey are. 8.00 What Not to Wear. Lisa Savage set out to verify Jack Meadows promises Park, London. Waldemar 7.15 Britain's Worst Pet ore Unit. Pahzet ing con- Butcher and Mica Paris urban legends that he and lain will get to Januszczak reports on the Trade Mostue, Roger Warehouse • ol. In offer fashion advice. They 7.30 Raymond Baxter. the bottom of the case, but opening, where he meets Mugford and David Sands TEQUILI.A tackle the business of Gentleman and has no alternative but to dealers, collectors, artists attempt to rehabilitate out student night ige and dressing two mothers of Broadcaster. Tribute to suspend him. and celebrities of•control animals. joy and the bride, desperate not to the late broadcaster 9.00 Ladette to Lady. This 8.00 A Place in the Sun: 20 including a ferocious cat gigs by Corn- Cockpit let their daughters down Raymond Baxter week, the six remaining Best Places to Make and a ferret with a taste for U1 1111U- Hour-long special human flesh. JAMES DEAN OP their big day 8.00 Autumnwatch. Bill Oddie, ladettes get a chance to be Money. BRADFIELD nly can 9,00 Ancient Rome: The Rise Kate Humble and Simon chalet girls in one of with Amanda Lamb 8.00 House Doctor: We Love le them- King follow a cast of Switzerland's most 9.00 Dispatches. Former Home You! A nostalgic look at Josephs Well and Fall of an Empire. vely. lo Documentary series telling wildlife characters prestigious ski resorts Secretary David Blunket seven years of House DEADSOIL Doctor featuring celebrities, the story of ancient Rome. 9.00 Extras. Sitcom about a 10.00 Tarrant on TV. Chris reveals his experiences at Melropolitara University How the Jewish Revolt former TV extra who gets Tarrant casts an ever- the heart of the New past contributors, property THE STRANGLERS' which swept through Judea his own BBC sitcom watchful eye over the Labour cabinet through experts and die- hard fans. in AD 66, was stopped by 9.30 That Mitchell and Webb frequently bizarre, and taped diary recordings as with funny clips and out- University. Mine General Vespasian and his Look. Comedy sketch show often extreme, world of well as an extended takes. JAMIE T son Taus. starring David Mitchell and television from around the interview 9.00 Build a New Ude in the Vine 10.00 BBC News; Regional Robert Webb globe 10.00 FILM: The Yards (2000). A Country. Architect George AVAANGARD News; Weather. 10.00 Mock the Week. Comedy 10.30 ITV News. young man hoping to put Clarke meets people 10.35 Question Time. Topical show combining panel 11.00 The Other ER. Today, staff his criminal past behind starting new lives. debate from Glasgow game, stan•-up and attempt to save a woman him finds himself drawn 10.00 Criminal Minds. Drama *top tickets Wry chaired by David Dimbleby. improvisation. refusing life-saving into a dangerous series following the FBI's WI: 08709 913913 11.35 This Week. A political 10.30 Newsnight. treatment treat a prisoner underworld when he begins Behavioural Analysis Unit. web: alive.co.uk/tickets review of the week 11.20 The Huw Wheldon suffering from blood 11.00 Extraordinary People: working in his uncle's train- GNARLS BARKLEY: 3 tii presented by Andrew Neil Memorial Lecture 2006. poisoning and deal a man repair firm, starring Mark Britain's Identical Nov. qt.-• Manchester )ciotter and his resident helpers 12.00 BBC Four on BBC Two: with crush injuries to his Wahlberg and Jorebuin Phoenix Quads. Documentary Apollo Theatre is Wads Michael Portillo and Diane The Sky at Night. 12,30 legs after he is hit by a bus. 12.05 Red Bull X-Fighters: Rockers telling the story of Abbott. Joins BBC News 24. 2.00 11.30 Last Orders. Pub regulars and Riders. 12.40 The Charlotte Hertfordshire couple Jose LITTLE BRITAIN: 30 Nov, tine the '0' Leeds Grand Theatre 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama_ BBC Learning Zone: discuss the latest events on Church Show 1.30 FILM. Dhoom and Julie, who tried for a cnrrr- 1.05 Sign Zone: Jane Eyre. 2.05 Schools: Mapping Crime. the political landscape. (2004). Action, Starring Abhishek baby... and ended up with BEYONCE : 6 Jun.'07 Sign Zone: Equator_ 3.05 Joins 3.00 Indigenous Peoples: 12.00 ITV Play: The Mint. 4.10 Bachchan and Uday Chopra. 355 four! This film follows the Nottingham Arena ion will BBC News 24. Climate and Eco•Systems. Britain's Best Back Gardens 4.35 Supporting Acts. 4.10 Dispatches: couple's journey of hope alive co uk rations 4.00 Class Clips. Dnving Mum and Dad Mad. 5.00 Britain's Mental Health Scandal. and trepidation. with a ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 IW Early 5.05 12.00 John Barnes' Football Night. In Your Dreams. 5.15 for all Morning News Countdown. 1.00 Quiz Call. 4.00 Dutch a Black Football. 5.00 Football Argentina, born 1943 leake net

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Eleanor Priestman Maryam Albasri Bea Devaney

n 19th October 1996. s l board the 56. it comes lithe young fresher that I Leeds became the first as no surprise to me that am, last Wednesday found 0 city to boast a Harvey Athe bus is yet again packed Bme skipping From activities Nichols outside of London, bring- like sardines- Every year. with the stall to stall. munching free sweets ing five floors of designer clob- influx of new students, during and loaded down with various ber to the heart of the city. peak hours. I am forced to stand goodie hags. The goodie bag from Next month, to celebrate its up amongst a few dozen others. the comic book shop with the free tenth anniversary. Harvey Nichols Whilst daydreaming and try- fantastic tour comic. The goodie bag from Wilkos with is throwing an exclusive VIP party for its most valued ing my up-must not to fall as the bus wobbled along its the free shrimp fried rice and the goodie hag from the and valuable customers. For the rest of us mere shopping journey. I began to tug at my iPod wire. As I attempted police with the free 'lock it or lose it' arm band. mortals who cannot afford to max out the MasterCard on to balance myself, intensely concentrating on re-arrang- As I milled around with the other students, picking up Alexander McQueen or blow the student loan on Gucci, ing the wiring to a more comfortable position, I noticed crime free pens and admiring the police van, we were there is that retail Mecca we like to call Primark. that the vicinity around me had all of a sudden cleared. sternly informed;"students don't know about security, Formerly resembling a giant jumble sale in which cus- Coarse whispers and panic stricken faces caused me to they've never had to think about it before". tomers rummaged to their heart's content — like wilder. covertly take a whiff of my armpits. wondering whether I At the risk of appearing ungrateful for the 'don't get more unpredictable 'Stigs of the Dump.' Primark sudden- had not showered properly when I heard THAT word. caught with your pants down' condoms. I have to Bomb. What? I panicked, Where?! Then reality slapped disagree. When I arrived in Leeds, I didn't know how to me across the face like a wet kipper, they were talking work a microwave or stop the shower scalding my skin about me! My 'hijab' or headscarf was coveting the top off. I did, however, know how to lock a door, use an part of my headphones-all that was visible were the two Primark has given those thrifty attack alarm and call the police. According to leaflet wires emerging from underneath my jacket going into the number nine million (oops, there goes half the rainforest) Northerners the opportunity to left hand side of my skirt. In an attempt to diffuse the sit- one out of every three students will he a victim of crime. throw caution to the wind and uation, I pulled my iPod out, waving it about so that no- In an attempt at proving this hypothesis, I thought I revel in its bounteous offerings. one could he mistaken as to its true and not-so-lethal would take a closer look at three students and assess their identity. The only things exploding on the bus were my crime victim chances. To my left we have flat mate eardrums - as I turned the volume up to the max. - in the Grimsby Dave. Grimsby Dave spent the last six months hope that passengers could hear I was listening to cries travelling around Africa. He has returned unscathed. To of Justin Timberlake and not Jihad. my right we have flat mate Canadian Alec. Canadian Alec Lesson learnt: When in public never fiddle with my has already completed two years of university, remaining ly became, to put it bluntly, cool. Now anyone worth iPod. If no other option is in sight, make sure all wires un-mugged. their Manilla lalahnik shoes is desperate to show how that could perhaps resemble any sort of explosive or det• Then we come to me. As we already know, I can lock a they have assembled a kick ass outfit for less than ten onator arc surgically implanted and hence out of view. door, which I will do every time I leave the flat. I won't pounds — it's all about the accessories darling! I then got off the bus, grateful to be in one piece and accept rides with strange men called Moe. When I find Located in the centre of Leeds. on The Ileadrow. politely asked an adorable old couple if they could direct myself lost and alone in the middle of the night. Primark has given those thrifty Northerners the opportu- me to the nearest cash machine. Smiling sweetly they surrounded by criminals. I will call the taxi number nity to throw caution to the wind and revel in its boun- RAISED THEIR VOICES and started speaking v e r y suggested by the University and go home. I will drink teous offerings even to us Yorkshire folk a basket of slow 1 y, in a monotonous tone, at the same time quite a lot of alcohol. Occasionally I'll make a phone call clothes, for under twenty quid is a bargain not to be over gesturing with hand movements. (Note: 1 am not while walking along the street and yes, when I'm not on sniffed at. deaf and by no means do I have a foreign-sounding the phone I'll probably be listening to music. So if I get But let us remember that we have not always lived in accent) mugged. raped. murdered, abducted, sold or converted such peaceful and innocent times, There was a time. not Lesson learnt: They may be on the petite side, but into a Jehovah's witness, is it because I was a young fool, very long ago, when Primark was not considered to be the never underestimate the power of the elderly. Always never giving a thought to security and playing ping pong holy grail of the high street, when customers, myself keep a pair of ear plugs as a backup if needing directions with all the police hold dear? Or am 1 a student who has included, denied it, sniffing our shamefully large Primark and no other safe target is available. thought about how to be safe in a strange city but is bags into pathetically tiny Topshop ones. It certainly is great that we live in a non prejudiced unwilling to turn into a paranoid recluse in the process'? Shopping in Primark resembled a military operation; society. Getting through high school was a mission on its At the bottom of my now sullied goodie bag was a first the furtive glances as you entered the attire, scouting own. After having to answer the same mundane questions the horizon for any possible acquaintances within the regarding why I wear the Hijah, 1 developed an automat- shop's vicinity, a precaution rendered considerably easier ed response system; "No! Daddy didn't use his slippers with the aid of a disguise. Then the frenzied dash to the as a sadistic instrument to coerce me to wear it! He used his belt instead". When I arrived in Leeds I didn't changing rooms grabbing as many clothes as you could know how to work a microwave carry (this is why tt was unwise to take small children in At any rate. I'm not going to preach to you about how, those early days. as infants were frequently trampled to contrary to popular opinion. the hijab is actually one of or stop the shower scalding my death in the resultant hysteria). the most fundamental aspects of female empowerment and liberation. Though I will say: Muslim women are skin off. I did, however, know At this stage dirty tactics against fellow customers how to lock a door. were acceptable because, let's face it, if you were more conspicuous due to their appearance. hence it is shopping in Primark two years ago you were probably no easy to associate them with the warped images you see in stranger to a hit of street fighting. If you came out of the media. Thus, stereotypes arc perpetuated and often Primark with a full set of teeth and no visible scars and hijahis seem "mysterious" to those not acquainted with bruises, you were either very lucky or one very tough them. balloon saying, 'don't let us down.' Reminding a 19 year This aura of "mystery" cannot be removed until their cookie. old to be responsible by giving them a free balloon is I'll admit I miss those times. I lament the passing of lifestyles, beliefs and thought-systems are genuinely patronisingly counter productive. We know the world Primark from geek to chic as one of the great losses of explored. Frankly. this cannot he achieved until one is isn't a happy land of Victoria sponge duvets and candy the 2Ist century. I hope that if Primark is still around in not afraid to respectfully approach us. So. the next time floss train rides. So how about the police rid themselves Leeds in 2015 and celebrating its tenth anniversary, it you see a hijabi, stop and talk to her, you may actually of the idea that being a student and having common-sense will favour its most loyal customers with a reminder of End out that she isn't under duress or a male-worship-- are mutually exclusive and we can get on with managing how it all began, offering guests flat Rola Cola and out of ping female captive from those barbarous Arabic deserts. the kind of hangover normally restricted to professional date Space Raiders. darts players. But until then, carry that hag with pride, because the customer of Pritnark today could he the customer of Harvey Nicks tomorrow,

Eleanor is a first year English student Maryam is a Middle Eastern Studies finalist. Beluah Deavany is a first year Cinema, TV and Photography Student

JERK lovers pg30/observationsils2/290906

V Britain Dear diary, the real reason he took her to Blackburn. What put the jack in the final straw Revenge. (It's not that I'm anti-Blackburn, its just (appalling, I know, but its still slightly clever, President Tonight Jim declared war on our foreign that my ex is from there.) although he's not Foreign Secretary anymore, so ty neighbours, an admission that social integration It has been old versus us for a while now. So am not sure what am trying to suggest, but any- at a street level has failed. Our please-accept- we've left a few take-away boxes on a few boul- way...), what made Jim bomb our rubbish just relat1 ve us-street-barbecue was a final shot at relations. ders because when staggering home drunk we now on Mr-Next-door's front, was the call. Mr a. I came to Though we have no money, we tried to pay for prefer to do so without soggy cardboard Snoot only went and phoned bloody Radio Five was Mlle: peace. Thank God for Morrison. We advertised weighing down our hands. So we've had a Live. We were crammed into the living room, all id already the event in an all-inclusive, multicultural way party. Or many. So we still find Knock, knock. of us at the same time for once, apart from ig nursing_ with banners and the whole bangs, but only stu- Who's there? No one amusing. So we post flyers Naomi, who burst in to join the squeeze, clutch- id my stem* dents came and the noise pollution back-fixed; of prostitutes through your old-man doors. So ing a speaking radio in her shaking hand, his portance complaints were sounded, What really stoked we play football with your kids on the street voice unmistakably the voice of the machine: its cd and fur- the smoke was when Ms Snoot (a giant cross and tell them not to do their homework, we tone pissed-off. 'Ruddy young'uns."No sense a grew up in violation between Victor Meldrew and Basil never did, and we're just fine. So we change our comrnun decency"Chaos, destruction en bums living in. it Fawlty) waddled out to wag her fat finger at Ed, minds and tell them that education is absolutely everywhere."Ghost area in summer becum • had a lack the chef. He apologised because he couldn't imperative, but must be enjoyed, and blockade ciernned pain in the arse...' the driNe hear her. Stabbing at intimidation, she moved. the street with bins to replay the Battle of 'Err, so sorry, listeners, for that loss of tongue. it there and She rolled forward to impress her fearsome fig- Trafalgar with imaginary ships (even if that isn't The BBC does not endorse the 'a' word. or any ire,, and of ure upon him and bent, eyebrow folded, nostrils on their curriculum). So what? It's just fun. After other controversial language. in any shape or if they had flared, in closer range of his ear. Then she you've spent so long in sheltered halls, it takes form...' they wery caught fire. Ed accidentally singed her plentiful time to readjust to the real world, and to realise So through the walls. through enemy lines, why their eyebrow and numerous nasal hairs. He put her that others have non-student needs, It's not our we heard him, Jim tried to do the same, but the had come out with his apron, which is rather Ironic, fault we share the same housing as you now lady at the other end of the phone refused him They had because the apron's naked subject was the sub. because you're poor and minority, and we're entry, because he used un-BBC words. Jim, rand :true- ject of one of the woman's laments. Maybe poor and young. Don't resent us for having defeated, stood up, God-like. and declared war. :1) dearly Condoleezza Rice alighted Jack Straw and that's prospects. I want Australian neighbours. duck coin- It the case :ars in ty

ations ha: e need to Mystic Melvyn and his Crystal Balls nities. By I they arc they arc. :ling con- cceed. In mge and Ar Le Ss :id): and You're really bored with your look at the moment so It's time for a career change.You've been thinking Golly, the crystal balls are not exactly predicting thy coin- decide to get down the barbers for a new do. about it for a while but now really is the time to jack in good things for you this week. Destiny is presenting :to inllu- Unfortunately they misunderstand your request for a your veterinary course, despite being in your final itself to my balls in the shape of a gold pendant, Only can smart, no frills barnet and you come out looking like year. and opt for something more. I dunno, easy. Try rather like Flavor Flay's dangling clock. I rather like lie them- that twat from Toploader. There is no way in hell that filming yourself with a borrowed video camera to see Flavor Flay myself, and his jewellery. Anyway, keep ively. to you can leave your house with hair like that but how what kind of TV presenter you'd make. Regardless of your eyes open for some gold and luck may just are you going to live if you can't carry on with your the outcome, apply to Blue Peter and Newsround. Try swing your way. If it's a pocket watch and Paul job at Subway. My advice is to phone Pi Helpline and the aggressive approach, it will show them you mean McKenna is trying to hypnotise you to stop sleeping make a claim, you've definitely got a case. business. Suggest sacking that silly bitch Connie or around however, run for the proverbial hills. that sex pest Lizo. They'll lave you. Tr Vg Cn Tuesday is going to be one helluva day for you, It Do you like Lily Allen? No? Well you'd be stupid if you itory might begin badly as most days do for Taurans, the When you walk into a room and it falls silent, it's did because she's a sub-human cretin who has found most disliked on the astrological circuit, but believe because everyone was talking about you and they fame by having a famous tosspot for a father and by me its going to get better. I'm not quite at liberty to hate you. Combat their hate with hammers and fire. If flogging her bullshit music on a crappy, Rupert say why that day is going to be the best of your sad someone is trying to force you to do something that Murdoch-owned website for gimps and prats. Gutted, ,,, c,..•1,..- little life because that would ruin the surprise. Let's you don't care about, then punch them in the face. this week you'll really start liking her, dressing like just say it's going to involve someone else, a building Make it extra hard if they're a girl. You're a busy man her (pathetic wafty dresses and bollocks trainers) and a number. And maybe something edible spread with better things to do. Sure, it was a mistake and emulating her voice which sounds like a flock of tin the over a part of the body. Enjoy. offering to do it in the first place, but if they were canaries being drowned in a urinal. How terribly ek emu- reasonable then they would understand, embarrassing. ion trill Gi hrations La Aq with a Woah, this week looks bloody amazing. Basically, you s for all Tomorrow will be the best day of your life.You'll get find out that you've got the ability to become Sex is on the cards for you, my balls can tell. Hardcore a Black gifts, free food, free drink, free entry to the club of invisible. Use this gift to its full advantage. Do the or softcore, sex of some sort is going to be making it's 7eakerw obvious like go to changing rooms, watch that one your choice and a bevvy of beautiful men/women desperate slimy way towards you at some point over (whichever you fancy) to entertain you all night long. you fancy sleep and steal some sweets from the the next seven days. Well it could be sex or it could of her- corner shop. Then you find out I'm talking a load of But the thing is. you've got to get that essay in so you be socks, I wasn't really listening when my balls were impor- have to stay in and do that instead, whilst your talk bollocks and you're branded a pervert for looking at ing because I was watching Deal or No Deal and r mem- strangers naked, your lust object wakes up and asks housemates exploit your friendship and take full it got to a really crucial point. So sex or socks, f Leeds how the fuck you got into their room and you're advantage of the goodies themselves.You're whichever you prefer, will be in abundance this arrested for nicking some pic 'n' buggered. week. Ace. events Cr So Pc Black Things have taken their toll on you this week. Rather One day this week you will wake up to a penis A trip to a faraway land is just what you need and you than trying to fix the situation that is, let's face it, all flopping over one of your eyes. The only way I can should be doing your utmost to get out there and labwe your fault, you do what any respectable person would suggest to get out of this situation is to just go back to travel the world. Apparently, in about twenty years, do and run away. Fleeing to Headingley isn't really far sleep and pretend it never happened. The offending old Dicky Branson reckons that we'll all be able to enough I'm afraid. Get yourself down STA travel and article should be removed within due course. I only swan off to space should we so choose, so you could book a cheap holiday for roughly two weeks. That know because this happened to me once in a hotel in start saving for that now. Just think, complete n Duy should be long enough for things to blow over in your Berlin. I remember jumping up, violently grabbing weightlessness, floating about, freeze-dried food and absence, although the people you ruthlessly fucked the appendage and pulling a bit too hard. It came off when you poo, it just flies around behind you. It over probably aren't going to forget about that £I,000 in my hand. Nasty. doesn't get much more fun than that and the crystal you owe them. Look into body guard hire. balls reckon it's just what you need. Stash those pennies now.

■■•■••••■••--,,c•--o--vr“ ri terns African-American e‘i:terice Dare: 23rd Octoher 4:30pm 12

:c.) 2006 KPMG LLP. the UK member firm of KPMG International, a Swiss cooperative.

Meet us face to face at KPMG Live

Venue: The Riley Smith Hall, Student Union Date: Thursday 12 October Time: 11.00am - 5.00pm

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AUDIT ■TAX ■ADVISORY

JERK lovers Leeds Student 'Ivavrieettssontentorg.uk Mtn October 6, 2006 Black History 13 nom continual to be made however no Being Black in Britain ;great strides in the perception of the black community seemed to follow. in that sense By Edwin Mwiti, President the concept of Black Brit ishness wits as far Afro-Caribbean Society away as it had ever been. Areas of the. UK with a high rmiportion of black people Been horn in relative heciane more common. notably in Greater poverty in Kenya, I came to "'L These areas were melons pot: of cc Britain when I was nine: t culture and ethnicity. However eulirulunl my mother had already Li. 110. which were vibrant and culturally been here -live years studying nursing. diverse were largely restricted to majo7 From Me offset both her and my step father drilled in me. the importance of education in order to succeed and further better myself. Bur as I grew up in this new environment l was living in. tt hecame clear how that many had a lack The era of of direction motivation and the drive and the willingness to go out there and Thatcherism make a difference in their lives and of those around them. It is as it they had undermined the become lost in the society they were efforts of the living iii They had forgotten why their parents and grandparents had come Black political over here in the first place. They had forgotten how hard people hard strug- voice and saw the gled to gain those rights we so dearly take for granted. For minty black com- criminalisation of munities in the UK. this is still theeease ' the Black and was the cast for many years in rtale life, community Reading international relations has made me more aware of the need to empower the black communities, By educating them about where they are cities, whilst English suburbia remained from, and also learning who they are, mostly Caucasian. The number of black they can then go tour there feeling con- people in the UK means that this will fident and motivated to succeed. in always be the case however in these areas doing so, they can challenge and their remained little or no interaction with change their position in society and or understanding or black culture or her- help create a stable and healthy eom- itage, again highlighting the void in the nar- mutiny. with eood role- models to influ- naive of British history left by the over :iglu ence the young generation. Only can of the contribution of the Black corral iunity this be achieved ii Mack people them- in British soeitay._ selves take a stand. collectively, to Whilst static areas of the black COMMU- bong shout charley.. airt stilt suffered from institutionalised Only- then Lau we racism, government neglect and misrepre- la> integ.tte tit this -41 sentation. other parts of the community already Ili■Ull,d11111: continued to thrive. Into the atti, and 91k, multicultural .,icier:. and for the first time there was evidence that Black Britishriess may become a reah- tY, as many elements of the British fabric had u small reflection of black culture. In What is Black History 19W? Dianne Abbot and Benne Grant became the FEN Black UK Members of Month? Parliament. in 199 I Bill ItiOrrit, be acme the firm black leader of a British trade Union., Black I listory Month has been cele- Gus John became the first black director of brated across the UK every October a Inial authority and Paul Ince became for over Ml years. it celebrates black England's first Black For Weill captain. All culture and tteritage. highlighting the these and many other firras :sae symbols of positiv e contribution in the black coin- acceptance and development in the tole of munti) in society. the blikk community in Britant. individuals This year. Leeds t riiversity Union will ing student. started as sound system THE FRO: One of the focal points of Leeds' Black community is Union bar- he joining the national celebrations fmtu these communities slowly Moat to launched by local Leeds residents of West bers' shop on Hyde Park Corner change the perception of Me Black commu- marking Black History Month with is Indian descent. The West Indian centre Pluto: Patrick Nixon ituniher of acti:ities. and events for all nity giving weight to a group typically seeks to educate and expose individuals to conflict over Self-identity and self- students. This will range from a Black ignored a different cuttural experience. Last year What to know more? With the positive platform created in esteem_ History Movie day, guest spealsertere Hyde park finally became home to Afro- Damola's suggestions: workshops and displays. last two decades, Black culture has truly Caribbain lake away "Bout Tithe". While I know why the caged bird sings Lilt' believes the celebration of her- resonated throughout British life. with those who have ever had a craving for cor- A Colour Purple The autobiography explores the. isola- itage. culture and community is impor- many aspects of Aim-Caribbean culture ned goat. Ida rice or Rick and Dumplings This film follows the life of Celle. a tion and loneliness faced by Aneelou. tant in the education of 411 our mem- shaping today's popular culture. This can would have had to travel to Chapletown, a young black girl growing up in the and the attributes of her character that bers, adding to the vibrancy of Leeds he seen in the rise in popularity in music of predominantly Afro-Caribbean area of early 1900's. The first time we see helped her cope with the prejudices of University Union. black origin, the pre: Water of black sports Leeds, to satisfy their craving, now students Cede. she is 14 - and pregnant - by society. Quite graphic in nature, the Persons and interest in art forms, which of Leeds University are within walking dis- her father. We stay with her for the text deals with issues of childhood, Look out for the tollowing events originated from black communities. The tance loan exotic culinary experience. next 30 years of her tough life— rape. racism. and sexism. Because of throughout October to celebrate Black adoption of what could have been classed What remains to be seen is the change in the towel's content it has been the fre- History Month: Black popular culture into mainstream negative perceptions of black communities Do the right thing quent target of censors and appears British popular culture illustrates the pro- in Britain. Black Britishness is not always gression from a pas/ of segregation and un- It's the hottest day of The year in the on the American Library. Workshop: The Women of Zimbabwe associated with positive things black youth Bedford-Stuyyesant neighborhood of Location: i'BA accepranoe. are still perceived by some as being danger- Brooklyn. and tensions are growing Autobiography of Malcom X Date. 20th October If you look directly around you within ous and disruptive, the eriminalisation of the Leods community there are positive there, with the only local businesses The book describes Malvoint X's the black community whilst subsiding still Event: Black Music Appreciation Day examples staple holds of black culture. The being a Korean grocery and Sal's upbringing in Michigan. his matura- exists. The cultural prominence of black Pizzeria. Mookie, Sal's delivery boy. tion to adulthood in Boston and New Location: The Terrace Hyde park Barber Shop 'Union' have been British culture doesn't mean that racism manages to always he at the center at York, his time in prison. his conver- Date. 23rd October toed point for not only the Afro- itself has much abated. navigating through (arthhean Laammunity but also the wider the action sion to Islam, his ministry. his travels a the system is still a struggle flack people Event: Movies r4 Mine Leeds community: they remain one of the to Africa and to Mecca, and his sub- face today. however that system has less School Daze Location; Mine (11-14 specialist Afm Barber shops in the sequent career and eventual assassi- hurdle., to jump. less roads to cross, and the A contemporary comedic look at Date. 25th October 1-S6 area. providing more than just a hair nation it Audohon Ballroom near destination is a little closer than it used to black college life. Dap Wishburnet cat but a social space and opportunity to 166th Street and Broadway in New be. However, to be Black and British is no and Big Brother Almighty (Esposito) Debate, What is Black Britain? expertetax Afro-Caribbean culture. The York City. The hook contains a great longer mutually exclusive, but a part of the conflict over the greek system Location. Stylus West Indian Centre, host to the infamous (rat deal of substantial thought that con- fabric of our society. while the Wanna-he's and Jigaboo's cerns African-American existence Date l'_;rd October 4:30pm Sub Dub is a haven for the reggae. dub lov- 14 Leeds Student vAvw.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, October 6, 2006 Travel . Footsteps i1n the Desert First Athens, then Seville, now the Smara refugee camps. The historic double world-champion marathon runner, Abel Anton, comes out of retirement to race in Africa's last colony and shows his solidarity with the Saharawi people. LS correspondent, Joanna Allan, reports from the Western Sahara.

met Abel Anton in the middle of the companions on board: an eclectic mix of night on board a crowded charter runners from all over the world. (Austria. Iflight to Tindouf. Algeria. A double, Belgium. Britain. Canada. Hungary. world champion marathon runner from Ireland, Italy, Lithuania, Norway. Soria. Spain. he became world champion Portugal, Spain. Sweden. Switzerland in Athens. 1997. and again in 1999 in and the LI.St, all gathered together in Seville, At this event, aged 36, he was the order in participate in the sixth Sahara oldest champion in any event in the Marathon- Given that no "Western" world, He also became the first Spaniard nations officially recognise the existence to win the London Marathon in 1998. of the Saharawi Arab Democratic This year. he decided to come out of Republic perhaps it is particularly impor- retirement for one last race in the Sahara. tant that "Western" peoples come to the largest desert in the world. We sat demonstrate their solidarity. Abel together. attempting to enjoy the rather remarked "It is still mostly Spaniards that questionable dinner, which in the great take part, but each year the number of tradition of plane food was far from participants from other nations increases, appetising. We were able to share a and that is important because they will go sheepish giggle together as the formida- hack home and tell people about what ble airhostess told us off. Apparently they have seen, thus raising awareness there was simply not enough time for idle about what is going on in the Sahara " chitchat, the dinner had to be eaten and All the participants, including Abel cleared away as quickly as possible Anton who "has come here like everyone Ix fore landing. A sense ()I' anticipation else and as such expects no special treat- and excitement united Our tired travel ment" stayed with local families in their Friday, October 6, 2006 www.leedsstudent.ortuk Leeds Student 15 Travel hatimes ttent-like etructures traditionally movement) has forged a Saharawi goy- made of camel skin) for the duration of eminent in exile, based around a cluster the five-day visit. I asked Abel if he had of 4 camps near the Algerian military out- an image in his mind of what daily life in post of Tindout The nation has a flag, tel- the camps would be like. "1 have an idea evision and radio stations, a newspaper, but I don't have any idea. 1 just ware to be an elected parliament. ministries, an with a family, see how they live and how army, law courts, a local government they think, and hopefully be able to hnng structure, schools, nurseries, healthcare something in some way. I'm excited services, women's and youth centres, a about the trip, it's a good cause. l haven't military, cultural and war museums and come to win but above all to show my services for the disabled. Indeed, they are generally recognised as the most organised refugee camps of the world. No one is paid for their labour, knowing they are working for the future of their nation is enourth. Yet, international governments remain indifferent to the barbaric repres- The marathon sion faced by the Saharawi population still living in the occupied territories. started at the Those who speak oat against their camp of El Ayoun Moroccan oppneaaora face years of tor- ture in jail, and thousands mysteriously and finished 42 "diaappeaf'. Those Living on the other side of the 2000kin long wall. that is the km away across area liberated by the Pubisario, face the rocky terrain and dangerous presence of more than 1 Mil- lion lunc -nines As the Sahaniwis are huge sand dunes forced to rely on insufficient internation- id aid for many resources, major problems include malnutrition, illnesses pro- voked by poor quality drinking water and deafness caused by wind and sand. To bring an cud to this unfair situation. the Sabianiwk were promised a refenendum 'Solidarity with the Saharnwi people.- for Nell-determination hack in 1991. The Marathon had a special meaning this However. this has Still failed to take year ies tt ceirteidecl with the thirtieth place. partly due to secret trade agnee- anniversary of the declaration of the tnems of Morocco with the USA and republic. The celebrations were held in Europe. Meanwhile. the Sahantwis Polisario fighters in traditional Saharawi dress at the celebrations of the anniversary of the republic. Tifariti. a military camp situated eight remain forever waiting. feeling betrayed hours drive from the marathon location in by the international community. the liberated zone of the Western Sahara, The camps are situated in die western The festivities consisted of military pan of the Algerian desert, near the fron- parades. including. a regiment oat camel- tier between Algeria and the Western hack, the destruction or hindmines. Sabana The marathon. awed at the camp speeches of solidarity from foreign of El Ayoun and finished 42 km. away ambasaadon. of Latin America and across may terrain and huge sand dunes Africa. theatre performances, poetry at the Smart camp. Far from easy. last readings, concerts. and an interview with year's marathon saw an intense sand die head of the Polisario, Mohammad storm leaving some runners last in the Abdelazie, The 700 visitors comprised of desert for several hours. One runner this journalist,, nmearehers. photographers year who forgot to drink only bottled and runners. As well as experiencing the water managed to complete the marathon buzzing atmosphere of the celebrations, with symptoms of dysentery. However, they also enjoyed the chance to showsol- despite the difficultica, the overall atti- Wanly and bond with the Saharawi fami- tude was one of amarement at all iluit had lies who housed and fed them. Rigid iglus been witnessed, above all with the posi- included lessons in Sahatawi dancing, tive, hospitable and general jovial nature henna painting and the infamous tea cer- of die Saharawis. I believe most runners emony. Three cups of Chinese would agree that participating to the Gunpowder. a type of green tea, are marathon was rine of the most eve-open- served, the first "bitter as life", the second ing, remarkable experiences of their. "sweet as love", and the third "soft as lives. Indeed, one Norwegian met the death." love of his life during last year's Curmntly, the majority of the Saharawi marathon. This year he proposed, and is population, sonic 200 000. remain exiled planning to return permanently to the front their homeland, living in refugee camps in order to wed his Saharawi camps. In 1975. with Franco on his bride. deathbed. the ling of Spam signed over The marathon had two main wine, first the Western Sahara to be divided between ly. to raise money W build a sports centre Morocco and Mauritania despite the for young Saharawi people and securidly, protests of the UN. In November of the to raise awareness and solidarity for the same year, 300 MO Mon-mans invaded cause throughout the world. Abel Saharawi territory in what is known as explained to me that despite the fact that "The Green March", named after the holy the Western Sahara used to he a Spanish colour of Islam. Those who could, fled on calumny, very little is taught about its his- foot to their present location in neigh- tory in Spanish aehools. "People-normal• bouring Algeria. During their reheat. they ly only learn about the situation of the were bombed with napalm by invading- Saharawi refugees through NCtOs. That's Moroccan and Mauritanian forces. They why the marathon is so important. arrived there to nothing but sand, facing Europeans generally still know very little some of the most inhospitable conditions about what's happening there, and that of the world with freezing cold winters, needs to change. The Western Sahara summer temperatures of more than 50 must not remain forgotten by the world." degrees and extreme poverty. Yet, probably due to inspiringly optimistic and pos- you are interested in taking part in next itive attitudes, as well as strong feelings year's marathon, go to wwwsaharanta- of solidarity, the Saharawi women were rathon.com. For .further information on able to build organized societies whilst the Western Saharan conflict go to the men went to fight. The Pasant) Front lutpliwww.arso.org Processions entertain crowds of spectators (the Western Sahara's nascent nationalist

16 Leeds Student www.leedsstudentormuk Friday, October 6, 2006

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• • . 14 www.unit1421.co.uk . 21 Leeds Student www.leedastudentarg.uk Friday, (Maher 5, 2006 17 Discredit cards *AIDS RED campaign worthless unless immoral IMF and World Bank are held to account.

help fight AIDS in Africa'. aids; a UN related organisation con- This is emotive exploitation at its ceived at the 20011 Git summit most sinister. I found myself chuck- Herein lies a fundamental contradic- ling ironically at the virtually illegi- tion. The G8 consists of; Canada_ ble, parallel message at the bottom of France. Germany, Italy, Japan. the page. stating that the typical Russian. the United Kingdom and 12.4% APR rate was subject to America - all major holders in the change. In Layman's terms the ad was IMF (International Monetary Fund screaming, 'Hey? Sign yourself up to and the Word Rank with the US being a life time of debt and. to make us the single largest shareholder. The both feel better, we'll give away a control of the IMF is undemocratic in negligible fraction of the extortionate the sense that a one-state one-vole interest we sharer. you". How ethical. policy is not implemented; instead As always when confronted with we have a distribution of rights based dubious numbers vulgarly forced on percentage shares held. Hind Hassan down my throat, I could not help but The IMF's Structural Adiunriera whip out my trusty Casio. Turns out Programs (SAPs) and then rood ii 1i1 ri [tidies place specific sanctions upon .erenely content: bathrobe. that spending £2,000 on the Amex show Sunday AM politic, and scram- card over a year would incur interest the developing world. Statistics bled eggs. submerged in my of £258 with a whopping £20 donat- SAPs contribute to an increase in S poverty and decrease in health and ed to the aids foundation. On the routine weekend escapism. complet- Colgan. acting co-director of Attica and the removal of state sru, eteiguty other hand signing up to one of the edacation, Developing countries are ed only by a copy of The Sunday action. "(The IMF and World Bank through economic control. many nine month, zero percent. inter- obliged to provide for the demands of Time's Style magazine_ Flicking persist in ignoring the priorities of The advert epitomises the growing est rate cards would run up as little as the Western 'free trade' market within through the seemingly auspicious the developing word. and African trend of soft the thou- £64.50 over twelve months. That their country. This allows for the pages, educating myself on how to countries continue to pay the price'. sands spent on overpriced clobber, exploitation of workers so as to pro- transform day wear into evening The reason for her damming curtsey of Bangladeshi infants. by vide For large branded retailers - an wear. I was rudely halted in my middle class Britain is somehow jus- escalating demand due to the ridicu- analysis stems front the root of the tracks by what seemed to he an inno- debt problems; odious debt. This is tified by throwing loose change in the lous ease of obtaining credit through cent advert for a well known interna- The poor are where rich countries funded corrupt direction of 'humanitarian' causes. companies such as AMEX. tional credit card company. subsidising the rich; Like champagne socialists this advert For example: cost recovery in On initial viewing it could even be as nothing more than an oxyalonal. African countries Zimbabwe has resulted in forcing the described as a promotion of ethics_ A Credit card companies along with government to privatise health and full two-page spread was dedicated to spend $14 billion per Like hAoilipagnf various high profile retail and ion- education sectors in an attempt to convincing the reader of how the year on debt SUMer outlets are monumental i the Structural 5. American Express 'RED'. "CARD IS raise funds. The ongoing impoverished sate cal the repayment - $4 billion Adjustments Participatory Review DESIGNED TO HELP ELIMINATE developing world's economy - direct- International Network (SAPRIN) AIDS IN AFRICA". Emblazoned more than the total a rnisleariiii_.; ly contributing to the destitute state reported that. " large increase in across one side of the page was an aid received OXVI1301.011. of medical provisions. school tees resulting from cost recov- image of the statuesque blond Model Arm linking, lighter waving Li‘eti ery Measures in education have Gisete in a thigh skimming red dress concerts with complementary would leave you with a saying of impacted negatively on girls" The alluringly draped alongside a tradi• dictatorship, fully aware that the celebrity bandwagims are not £193.50 . approximately 9 and a half same tenon also highlights. "The tinnaly dressed Kenyan Maasai war- money would not he distributed in enough. To tackle the world powers' time. more than the 'generous' £20 destruction ut family rior. Sandwiched in-between this the interest of the state. South Africa reluctance to clear all third a odd from AMEX - surely a greater contri- increased child labour...and con- attempt. at projecting a mildly-icono- fur example shortly after Freedom debt and interest; the underlying crux bution should you wish to donate tributed to family and social disinte- clastic, image Were the words, 'MY from Apartheid had to pay debts of the proble m cannot and should not your savings. gration as marked by increased drug CARD. .MYLIFF.'''. We were also incurred by the Apartheid regime. In he separated from campaigns. As This RED campaign - brainchild use and prostitution. and to a rising informed in hold writing that "I% of effect, South Africans are paying for seems to he the blueprint for Western of 'heal the world' Bono, acts as a incidence of HINPAIDS" in Uganda. your mud spend" would he generous- their own oppression. due to the politics, the RED project gives the tributary to the Global Fund to fight In the words at Amy-Louise ly donated to the "Global Fund to social and economic commitments assumption that a remedy is being attached to these loans. sought but avoids any actual attempt lo short the poor arc subsidising at preventing the cause of the dilema. the rich. African countries• spend The AIDS pandemic shall unfortu- approximately S14 billion per year on nately continue until the economic debt repayment; $4 billion more than geopolitical warfare courted by the the total aid received annually, Superpowers is wholly ceased. diverting resources from internal IIMAIDs and educanoe programs_ The US and other rich (marlines have .=.-0 — sit far resisted mounting calls to can-

cel this debt; the single largest obsta- .i110f 4 cle to Africa's development Instead 311"171.:4 1_1 t• we arc witnessing the continua! ion of inadequate partial solution.. The f4.1aVIS V, I I:I implementation of these harsh economic policies. simulataneously suf- lOcates the poor and invites corporate exploitation. die Fuji It is in the interests of power greedy elitists to cement their CM- mimic control and enhance their monetary gains. This can only he Email: done via the manipulAtion of the majority. In the UK this is done by low minimum wages, a lack of fund- [email protected] ing in education and business partici- pation in the privatisation of the health and education system. On a glottal scale the same is achieved through exploitation of cheap labour

18 Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, October 6. 2006

Giftgate No Sex Please, We're confronted will the same old 0113 3801 450 Sir, unwashed whordes queuing up to buy Students their sandwiches and papers. Sir. When I first heard LUU was plan- Before we get too excited about Bill On reading Charlotte Griffiths' Gates' supposedly generous donation ning to upgrade from 'corner shop' to [email protected] article. I couldn't help but feel sur- 'mini-super market', a small sigh of ID fund research into tackling prise (even a little anger) at the photo- AIDS/HIV at Leeds - consider these relief was expelled. The reality on the graph and caption you printed to other hand. is the same old shambles little-reported facts, Microsoft spent accompany it. Prostitution is not a $200,001) to help set up the 'Grand every lunchtime. laughing matter. and printing a near- We seem to have more tills than Challenges in Global Health' initiative pornographic image (along with in Africa - but its agenda is exposed ever before, possibly even more insensitive caption `BUMS: Students cashiers. but the problem persists. by the presence of Mosanto hio-tech like sex') is almost a crime against experts on the board. Gates spent a Answers please. Perhaps your erst- taste, while rag could conduct tot investiga- further $25m on a research pro- Taking an already-distasteful sub- gramme into hio-tech for African agri- tion. ject and compounding it by portraying Yours etc.. culture. And during his 2002 trip to prostitution in such a positive light is India. Gates dropped a generous Ls far beyond outrageous: "the lure of Henry Williams. SlOOrti fur AIDS research - yet spent earning up to one thousand pounds a Accept nothing less 5400m on training people in govern- History Second Year (mature) week may he quite appealing to some ment and education in using Microsoft girls"? It almost sounds like you're products. and putting the Windows recommending it! from student lets operating system into Indian schools. The editor's comments on page 18 he paradox of poor student housing continues. As we Might I encourage Leeds Student to just goes to show the dangers of such reported this week, there are a surplus 3,000 beds in the embrace some journalistic integrity reckless journalism: to combine statis- and weigh up some vested interests tics normalising student promiscuity T Hyde Park and Headingley area of Leeds alone. Students and context before unquestioningly have a plethora of housing choices, yet some still get a raw with comments and statistics on stu- bigging up the world's richest compa- dent prostitution cannot help but con- deal from cowboy letting agencies. It should surely be that ny. Sometimes it pays to give a gift nect the two issues in your readerships with such a great deal of choice, landlords should be compet- horse a thorough dental inspection. mind. whether or not they're related is ing to improve the quality of their houses to gain the maximum irrelevant. but the way your article is Tom Grundy. number of tenants renting with them. Students should remem- laid out suggests that student prostuu- Communications Graduate tion is the natural outcome of student ber this during the January period, follow our listed advice and sex. tread carefully in the world of student lets. "Gramatical Error" Dear Editors. Candice Jacobs. English Finalist NUS lacks that I have just put down my copy of the Leeds student in disgust! It must be a new record for LS. there isn't a single More tills, same queues something extra page of the paper without a spelling Corrections... mistake or grarnatical error, at times it Sir. Paul Tait's sketch, on page 2 of last is near impossible to understand some It may be another grumpy finalist his week, we reported on the new NUS extra card. week's issue, incorrectly gave the of the articles. How can people expect complaining about things changing which offers students a range of new benefits including change in the number of Executive to publish work without knowing the but never seeming to get better, but officers as from eight to five, rather Tdiscounts and a double-up function as an International difference between there and their? indulge me for the foreseeable 200 than eight to six (the correct figure). (Yes Graham Clarke I mean you) words. Studentnt Card, all for a reasonable sum of ten pounds. However, We apologise for the misleading tude Even in the editors column there are I must congratulate the Union on S agree with some of the student complaint questioning the many of its new additions: the information, as well as for any emo- mistakes!!! Can I suggest you invite tional harm this error may have Joe Yusuf to be the editor as his letter smoothy bar next to Union Books pro- new fee that has been introduced. The NUS card scheme has caused. been running for many years. and it is unclear why the organi- was one of the few readable sections vides a particulalry welcoming non- of the paper. alcoholic space for like-minded indi- sation should feel the need to levy a charge. The NUS website viduals to unwind with a book and / or It is the policy of the Leeds Student to proudly claims that one of the main benefits of its Extra card is Jono McKendry. friends. correct significant erros as soon as possible. Please quote the date and Rothschild Student When it comes to the new additions that it promotes the link between the student and their Union, to Essentials, however, we are still page number. with money from the card sales instead being "invested back Send letters to Leeds Student newspaper, Leeds University Union. PO Box 157. Leeds IS I Ital. or email the editor on editorRleedssiu- into your own students' union." It would be interesting to dis- dent.org.uk_ Please keep comments to 200 words. The editor reserves the right to edit letters for content and space. cover the extent to which this was true. We know that, in fact. just four pounds out of every ten spent on the card goes to any student unions, let alone the one attended by the buyer. And, ** Improve your text life - text LS ** therefore, can we get rid of the 'free International Student u sleep. -verona Card' if we don't want it to make the card cheaper? Many ****************************** Concerning the feature 'Carol txt 07794 would not notice the difference between a free NUS card and a Voderman: Like her vital statistics?' +ten pound one. and regardless of this difference, some older Can we please have less of this non- 125795 sense, the seventies happened three does anyone actually proof read this Leeds University cards still bear the NUS logo, making the sit- decades ago. Thankyou paper? perhaps a spelling test for the 2 get ur msg in uation even more complicated. Only time will tell how success- Lots of love, feminist with no sense of sports "writers" is needed! humour ful the Extra card will be. but with a free, previously provided ****************************** university student card, in-hand. it could prove less successful ************,***************** than the NUS had hoped. I wish i was there with you 2. all snug i think that it was totally irresponsible and cosy. i really can't wait to see you of leeds student to tarnish the reputa- next week. I day to go til you're 8/9 tion of hanif leylabi. he obviously is years to 30. how exciting! ur well fit not a racist, but allegations can stick, Game on so i think you should print an apology. I is about time that the largest sector of Countdown's faith ****************************** * * ************************* lul audience,the Leeds student community, is being invited whos that grumpy but sexy doorman at the union? gimme a piece of him any- to participate at long last. Now lecture-skivers can unite to day!! Shit on the toilet seats isn't cool support Leeds' finest at dinner time. Too long has the Leeds ***•************ ***** ********* ********************** ***** 400* University trophy cabinet been without a Countdown teapot happy birthday steven. well done for nestling amongst its silverware. Please do send in your sugges- i think i saw something like this in a making it this far without getting seri- tions for the conundrum featured in the picture on page three in porno once ously beaten ease we have any sway over the audition selection panel. ****************************** ****************************** we watch u while u sleep, Luca. while Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, October 6,2006 19 Comments expressed here are not necessarily the views of Leeds Student

Leftand admirable to work combating the state terrorism.one literally had nothing to are all but silent, and sidecontinue to he Many people share. BNP and organising opposition to Tony say. There were no massive demonstra- conceited in their choice of causes It is right to fiercely denounce Blair's messianic crusading. tions organised by these groups to celebres. Western state violence which over the But since their noble efforts to get encourage Western nations to act, there In their masterpiece Manufacturing past two centuries has been one of the the British government to act over were no mass petitions, or anything Consent, Noani Chomsky and Edward most efficient killings machines in Lebanon - and maybe before - they remotely resembling their usual exem- S. Herman, coined the terms 'worthy' human history. But unfortunately have been posed with a moral and polit- plary activism. and 'unworthy' victims. In the context owing to our fallible nature as ical dilemma. The self-avowed raison IS always slightly unsavoury to do of their hook, they saw that an 'unwor- bequeathed by God, this barbarity isn't Jerre of the far-left organisations is to casualty comparisons but a considera- constrained to us, and socialists, combat Western imperialism globally tion of the death toll from Lebanon. democrats, and humanitarians must get and stifle privitisation and discrimina- which is believed to he in the region of involved. wherever we see it. whoever tion at home. And there isn't much bad 900 Lebanese civilians, and that of the it is. that can be said about these kind of Darfurian genocide - considered to be ambitions. (The MAB has other goals, in region of 300,000 - makes you begin Email: some of which overlap,) to see that this oversight is worse than Malt Kennard But this very narrow and obsession- immoral, it is criminal, And another oft- al focus on Western imperialism has repeated statistic is the 800,000 Mattkennard@grnailcom - he wail was long and hard this left these grOups blind to suffering and Palestinians who were made refugees ; summer. As Lebanon was relent- oppression in less-argued-over parts of in the 194$ ethnic cleansing in lessly pounded by Israel. the the world, and at the hands of unfamil- Palestine: the figure for ethnically thy victim' was rendered unworthy if Middle East's resident bully, Muslims iar oppressor. cleansed refugees from Darfur is over they were killed by the axiomatically alongside many leftists (and some 2,000.0000. 'virtuous' side of the Cold War - the Conservatives) threw their hands up in oll■Namomms The party members in Respect and United States - and would therefore be collective disgust. On Darfur Day there the SWP I assume aren't racist so there ignored by the mainstream corporate People trudged along streets Up and must be another reason for this surreal media in the West. A 'worthy victim'. down the country shouting about the wasn't a squeak out of loss of voice. In many ways, this partic- however. was someone killed by the perfidy of Israeli foreign policy, and ular ethnic cleansing inverts to moral 'enemy' - worldwide C'ormuunisin trying to push an intransigent British prism through which they have viewed greeted with ceremonial eulogies government into even a token expres- - the world since 9/11. and so it becomes and ubiquitous coverage. A persons sion of abhorrence for the carnage ,-1`167al211 harder to conceptualise events 11110 the worth was decreed by where they stood being visited on Lebanon. usual categories, and the same passion on that ideological divide. When the dust had settled, the lives cannot he summoned. In the same way, the victims of of over 900 Lebanese civilians had On September 17th, a few weeks In Darfur, it is a fundamentalist Darfur are 'unworthy victims' for the been cut short and over three thousand ago. Darfur Day was proclaimed Islamist government in the capital Respect Coalition and the MAB people injured, the vast majority inno- around the world to raise awareness of Khartoum who are wiping out black because they aren't being killed by cents. the fast-paced genocide in the Darfur Africans. They are supported in their American and British imperialism, but The now-familiar compound of the region of Sudan. Yet there wasn't a cause by that well know 'anti-imperial- by far-right Muslims. They arc being Stop the War Coalition, the Socialist squeak out of the MAR. and the ist' Osamu Bin Laden, who has cau- oppressed by the wrone people if they Workers Party (SW'Pl. the Respect Respecters were uncharacteristically tioned about the long war against the want solidarity from these talks. Like Party and the Muslim Association of and conspicuously tongue-tied. Crusader plunderers in western Sudan' the 19th-style tyranny in North Korea Britain (MA131, organised the hulk of These people who Fulminate inter- Much like the incremental genocide in which is opposed actively by the West. the major rallies. They are a very loqua- minably abOut the very real oppression East Timor by the Lslamist Indonesian this shakes up the increasingly shallow cious and loud gaggle of groups, who of Muslims and scream ;thole Western government, the Muslim organisations conception of Goodies and Biuldies all - in their own ways - do valuable Load of old gruel

- is official: porridge wins votes. porridge consumer. Ming Campbell range of Marigolds, atmosphere for generations. Our alum- genuine debate and you may just find British politics has now reached a In fairness, dubious Dave does give You can see it now: 'No More Ming'. her was aggressively disturbed by an young people joining political parties Inew hiatus; apparently now the some credence to his 'vote blue, get. Another aim of the weblog is to illegal and illegitimate war, and two again. most popular party in Britain is the one green' claim. The web-lug shows that show policy development and give us decades of ill-conceived policy making. That's not say we won't be tuning in whose only policy is centred upon an he doesn't appear to have a dishwasher behind the scenes access to the new To tell us that we are not interested is a to •webCamerow' it's a real treat. We oat based breakfast product. in his million pound. Notting Hill man- cool and kitsch Ton Party (though we lie. We care. we protest, we join groups haven't laughed so much for weeks As the Conservatives embark on sion with windmill to be installed at a defy anyone to describe David Willets and attend meetings_ What we don't (since we last saw Dave on a hike). their rust Party Conference with later date). or George Osborne as either). Clearly. care about is bland, baseless tripe being Cameron as leader, the British public is Supposedly, the main point of after much deliberation, they somehow spouted out by mindless politicians des- Email: waiting with baited breath for the first come to the conclusion that perhaps perate to avoid saying anything of sig- porridge filled whiff of policy. Though they should provide us with a deep nificance in case it offends a single as the Tories now have a nine point lead The Er insight into modern politics. Hence. we [email protected] in the opinion polls Dave might be arc duly presented with the develop- [email protected] thinking, "what's the point? The British waiting wiki ment of the party's current major poli- public clearly enjoying hearing me say breath for thP, first loot cies, namely that sexy children's cloth- nothing of substance about anything of ridge filled w1LtFf of ing is had and turning left at a red light is good, then we shall surely be on our value". Conservative We now have the pleasure of being way to combating international terror- able to log on to -webCatneron' to find ism and solving global climate chaos. oat more about the real Dave. Through All the weblog displays is the con- this medium we have learnt of Dave's 'webCameron' (apart from getting tempt that modem politicians have for 'new-man' credentials as he washes up familiar with Dave at breakfast) is to young people. They think that by sim- the porridge bowls after breakfast: reconnect with young voters. They ply using a new, different medium to showing us that he is tough on stains. claim the reason you and I haven't been illustrate the same lies and spin they white middle-class swing voter in the and tough on the causes of porridge voting is that distinct lack of public can save our contemporaries democra- south-cast. Dave and his band of not so bowl grime. A sensible policy for all of information concerning the washing up cy from severe political apathy. merry men show as much contempt for Britain and an area of particular weak- habits of leading politicians. What ever Young people of Britain want sub- young people as Tony and his cronies in Neil Mackenzie ness for Gordon Brown, who, as a next? Tony Blair giving us his top tips stance in a politician and party. We are New Labour. We are bright and Clare Laxton Scotsman, is likely to be a prodigious on how to polish our hobs and knobs? A living in the most politically charged informed, give us some credit and a 20 Leeds Student www.leedssiudentorg.uk Friday, October 6, 2006

AC- Yeah of course. We're always though. any good but I ran all the way. all 13,1 eager to recruit new players of any LS- How do the girls get on With the miles of it, Did it with a couple of standard. We have 5 teams but it's Viy5 team? hockey girls from Doncaster hockey "We've got some pretty about the social side of the club as AC- Yeah. there's good banter club and we ran for action medical good bodies in our team in well. between the two teams. We have a bad research. We ended up raising around the showers after the LS- When it comes to the big social reputation but we are nice people and £500 each I saw Jimmy Saville and game" nights ma, who are the biggest booz- are calming things down this year. Steve McLaren at the race as well as ers? LS- If you weren't playing hockey. my mum and dad. They were proud AC- Well, apart from myself, I'd say Oral Uni sport would you try your but I couldn't walk on Monday morn- Melanie Mercer. But I can down a pint hand at? ing. Ashley Carr quicker than Me!. AC- I'd try something bizarre, like LS- Do you have any divas in the Hockey Vice-Captain LS- Varsity is just around the corner ultimate Frisbee. team? Ashley. you excited? LS- Who is the hottest of the hockey AC. Laura Firth probably. She never LS. Good morning Ashley. We're at AC- Definitely. There's a huge rivalry ladies' turns up but always plays cos' she's the stall of a new season of tint sports, between us and the Met. Last year we AC- Ooh. well Hunter is the filthiest. good. She can get us free tnouth host, was the last one fur ladies hot-k- heat them 2-I and we're gonna do it In the whole club. Sully is pretty hot. guards as well so we don't complain. ey? again this year. I don't know, it will he Abo's gut a good rack and Mel really LS- Who is your favourite sporting AC- We did well. We came 3rd in the a tough game, high scoring but I think fancies herself. We've got some pretty personality? national semi-finals for our league, the score might be 3-2 to Leeds Uni. good bodies in our team when it AC- Wayne Rooney cos' he's just which means we are third in the court- Ash Ball will he a hat-trick hem. comes to showers alter the game. awesome. Ile wasn't blessed with the try behind Loughborough and Pledgy will hold it strong in the mid- Someone who's not afraid to show it best of looks but you can't have Birmingham uni's. Our team plays in dle. is Laura. Pledgy is the first into the everything can you. the highest BUSA league in the coun- LS- Who is the player that stands out shower and always the last out. LS- Ok. and finally, as the vice-cap- try for women's hockey which shows as the hest in your squad? LS- Word on the grape-vine is that tain what do 3.ott think you bring to the the high standard of hockey at our uni- AC- Ash Ball is probably our best you kicked ass at the Great North Run ream? versity. player. She's in the England under-21 last weekend. AC- Good communication courtesy of LS- So art- your teams set in stone or squad and she scores all our goals. AC- Well, it took me 2hours and my loud mouth. motivation and good can freshers still come along? She can he a hit lazy sometimes 4minutes to run. I don't know if that's humour.

IREDO WA Ern NIVER TY 0 f • If CV EE IE EEO WED DAY OCTOBER 11TH 20 DAYT E FIXTURES FROM 1 WEETWOOO OPTS PITCHES: fi VARSITY. AFTER PARTY AT MEN'S RUG SINERSITT OF LEttIS SPORTS CENTRE: CREATION! debts £5 in artrance from the ARC Sion or acIlvilins fair at UfrU or at Leeds UNION, 7PM r soft-once br Frestieri Fare. Strictly vet 111's only. ID will be required. R.O.A.It. HEADINGLEY CARNEGIE STADIUM TICKETS £2 ON THE GATE

Leeds Student www.leedsstudentorg.uk Friday. October 6. 2006 21 snort Road to Euro 2008 Sporting comment

Joseph Hibbert looks ahead to the weekend's European clashes

On Saturday Europe will do bank once Wales have become reliant on their have the relatively easy task of playing ing up an all important point On the more. with nations fighting for their flourishing youth system with the emer- Cyprus away on Saturday. hoard or collecting three points and get- place on the continent's main stage, the- gence of the likes of Lewin Nyalanga World Champions Italy will he ting off to the best start. coveted European Championship 2008. The Derby County starlet became the under-pressure to perform in the Euro', The home nations competing will take youngest ever player to be capped by with the expectation weighing on them inspiration from reigning Champions Wales. and has shown great promise to prove that Germany 2006 was not a England v Macedonia oprni Greece whose heroics in Portugal 2004 ever since. The eighteen year-old cen• fluke success, as sonic of the press sug- Wales. v Slovakia (3pmu injcctcd a shot of unpredictability into tic-back is certainly one to watch. gested. The Azzurri Lice Ukraine at the Cyprus v Republic of Ireland (5:30pm, the competition, Republic of Ireland face a difficult weekend in a heavyweight clash that Scotland v France 15tirn1 Denmark %. Northern Ireland 17pm ) After the final in the Stadium of task with the likes of Germany and the may dictate the fortune of their group. Light (Estadio da Luz) nearly three Czech Republic in Group D that also This weekend will be vital for all years ago. the Earns gained a refreshing has ovals Wales. However. ROI do nations cotnpeting whether it is chalk- EA Cup feel about them, with Goliath shaking at the thought of David, A prospect that tantalises the 'ask buds ahead of this weekend's crucial quali- leeds met fiers. Can this man take England to vic- At the start of the tournament in tory? sydents' union oserly 2(1a4 the Greeks were a mill..ion oa k, EA:L:land,,,uppooer in *01 excited from being favourites 10 lift the Henri .bout success in Euro 2008. We English Delauny trophy. but their 1-0 victory cannot believe the hype. Leeds met su • civic qtr • leeds • Isi She Cast your minds back to 20(ut. Ci against the home team, Portugal, shook www.leedsmetevents.co.uk world football to its core_ Especially know it hurts. but let's go there any way. Beckham 'remember him?) with his considering that the Greeks had sensa O. a. tionally never even won a touniument Chris Waddle impressitin. Sol rft. finals game before their success in Campbell's disallowed goal. Wayne Portugal. Rooney's injury. and a catalogue of tac- CO tical errors. too vast to mention. cour- O O O Greece's shock in 2(104 mirrors 11■• aspects of Denmark's victory in 1992. tesy of the sorry Swede. Memories as tv painful as that can- leave any fan jaded C2 as the Dunes didn't qualify for the O O especially as it seems to happen to NETHER finals through a direct route, but despite this, clinched victory in the finals. The England every two years. Denmark side only reached the finals as The rest of the home nation teams O the Yugoslav wars pre.vented also have something to prove to their Yugoslavia from playing. As runners- fans after years of failing in qualify for o up in the same group as Yugoslavia. the Euros. I for one would love nothing Denmark took their place in the finals more than for Walti4.. Scotland. England. Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland to all march on i!SIMIKERS together to the finals an two years tone. That would give me a greater sense of national pride than 11 England actually won the tournament Purely because love football and it would mean more to the game and for British and lriah foot- THE DIVINE ball, if every home nation participated in Euro 2008, rather than if England comEOv won. NOT CHIP Scotland are preparing to face Euro 2000 champions France. a lest that the Scots are surely relishing, especially Craig Bellamy (above) will captain after such a strong start in the. quid LEvrs ONE Wales against Slovakia (GOGGLE) tiers. Walter Smith's men have won the first two games in the qualifying stages and went on to heal Germany 2-0. TO WATCH TOUR with an emphatic 6-0 victory over the The reigning champions represent Faroe Islands. and a 2- I away triumph FEAT: THE MYSTERY JETS the great hope for the 21108 MEM over Lithuania. Admittedly, Scotland's Championship, carrying the message victories so far are hardly major scalps. that the title is there for the winning. but as the cliche goes. you can only beat a. O The three lions should embrace this the teams that are put in front of you. EASTPAK O O belief However. for England fans the France will of course he without mere mention of a major tournament their head-hutting maestro. Zinadine CIPS 110 will trigger Hash backs of a lifetime of ■TE TOUR THE Zidane, after stepping down after the 1 •1 misery, disappointment, frustration. and infamous World Cup final in Germany OCa FEAT: BEDUIN SOUNDCIASH UNDERGROUND anger; the moronic managers. agonis- last summer. At least Materazzi will be ing penalty misses, woeful performanc- able to rest assured that there will be no es and England's astonishing ability to bald French Legends flying towards EVERY FR ■MERIA111."W" consistently under perform on the main him headfirst in this tournament. stage. The Northern Ireland side have The English are without doubt the raised their expectations after their most disillusioned fans on the planet famous victory over England in the STAR +ELECTRIC HEAD 2 MED Kb MESE ID IF OVE EWA& ROCK as.. • IN NB after a chaotic summer in Germany. World Cup qualifiers last summer. The Even despite Steve Melaren's era being manager. Lawrie Sanchez, has played a Tickets: The Met Bar, Jumbo and Crash Records and WU C.A.T.S unblemished with three games played massive part in the rejuvenation and Online at leedsmetevents.co.uk or ticketline.co.uk / Tel: 0123 2444600 ten goals scored and none conceded it is renewed optimism of the national side still difficult for any battled hardened Age Restrictions Apply over recent times. Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk friday, October 6, 2006

Leeds University Baseball is in its Rookie year and it's open to you!

Hod for United All of you...

canal ambitions. _By Ky Capel the clear favourite with all the bookmak- University student Jonny Buchan isn't Still in the running for the job are Brian ers.He is the third ex-Chelsea candidate to happy with the rumours: "If he gets the Whether you just fancy play- Kerr. current caretaker manager John be linked with the job following rumours job I will boo him from the stands until ing catch, or you think you've Carver. Alan Curbishley, and even the Glenn I-toddle has become the front run- surrounding Claudio Ranieri and current the minute he leaves. He's 'Mr bore- master of 'sexy football' Ruud Gullit, Swindon boss Dennis Wise. got what it takes to ner 'm the race fur the top job at I draw', we want a manager who can take its However. the former Tottenham legend is United. Leeds United season-ticket holder and us on a winning streak and help us move be the next Babe Ruth, then The former England boss is now the up the table, the newest sport to Leeds is favourite following a flurry of bets back- "[want Alan Curbishley. he's got a ing lkiddle to land the post, The 49-year- good reputation. lots of contacts, and he's definitely worth old is no stranger to Leeds charm anKen a very loyal manager. Hoddle's skipped from club to club and doesn't really seem checking out! Bates either. Huddle worked with Ken to care" hates while playerMumager at Chelsea There is somewhat of a stumbling hack in the mid 9th. Interested? Huddle quit his job at Wolves last July block however regarding Curbishley. The after a year in charge. He said that the ex-Charlton man recently told the BBC Contact us on: that he is unavailable for work for at least club's ambitions didn't meet his; Given another fortnight, and that he would prefer Text - 07921 191 432 that Leeds are a bigger club than the a move to the Premiership, which would Midlands club. United could be the per- Email - [email protected] effectively rule out Leeds. fect place for Hoddle to realise his so- "' r) Face off for male __....._ ynon Senna. Alain Prost. Niki Graham Clarke looks at one of the most exciting finishes in Fl history would be expected both teams are Lauder and Nelson Piquet are highly confident of gaining success so Aall considered greats in the much so that Renault Director of world of Formula One but there is one took his 7th win ot the season around Schumacher summed up just how an edge which may have been enough Engineering Pat Symonds has stated man who is possibly greater than them the Shanghai track in China_ It seems much he wants that illustrious 8th to send seven times title winner The car will he fabulous around all. That man is Michael Schumacher. almost unconceivable that going into title. As he got out of the Ferrari and Schumacher to his retirement on a Suzaka" and furthering with " A car Having won an astonishing seven the last two races of the season that walked around the pits it seemed as it much lower par than he would have that is quick around Silverstone is world titles Schumacher is retiring at we are in such a position when at one he was a rookie and that he was cele- wanted. quick around Suzaka." it seems very the end of the current Fl season and point Alonso was so far clear of brating his first ever race victory, As was seen last weekend trends much so that the Renault team are what a fairytale ending it could be. Schumacher that the season looked there were hugs fur all of the pit crew and patterns are there to he broken and confident of breaking Ferraris great Schumacher has like turning into a one horse race and to thank them for there effort on pro- Alonso needs to do just that with run in this Grand Prix. You can be sure been in the limelight of Fl racing ever that Alonso would take his second ducing a result on a track that since its Ferrari and more precisely though Ferrari will have some since he gained his first title with the consecutive drivers championship. introduction to the sport in 2004 has Schumacher having a phenomenal answers to this. Will there he scenes team hack in 1994. As well The turning point came at the not been kind to Schumacher in the record at the Japanese circuit. Since of such jubilation again from inside —asas possessing some of the finest driv- American Grand Prix whereby slightest. However. it could all have 2000, Schumacher has won the the ranks of the Ferrari team again or ing skills ever seen, he is a man who Schumacher came out all guns blazing been different if Alonsci's pit crew Japanese Grand Prix four times . it will Renault wipe that smile of off has been controversial over the years. and took his third win of the season to were more precise on Alonso's pit could be considered to be one of his there faces by seeing there prodigy to mention the battles with England's end a run of four straight wins taken stops, pit stops which ultimately cost more dominant tracks. Although these Alonso take a major step towards Damon Hill in the mid 90s is one, and by his rival and young-gun Alonso. It the Spaniard any chance 01 winning statistics stand Schumacher in good gaining his second successive title? more recently his "stopping" the car was from that point onwards that the the race. The last 15 laps showed that steed they don't automatically give Questions that will he fully answered in Monaco this year to hold up rival title fight was no longer to be a one Alonso was the quicker man on the him a race win , that is something that on Sunday morning by the Suzaka Fernando Alonso is just another. One horse race. By the end of his home track every lap he was eating time nut is a product of the day , a product that race track. thing for certain though is that Fl will Grand Prix at Hocken helm of Schumacher's lead, but it was not Alonso could easily gain As it seem much stranger and emptier next Schumacher had clawed the points to he. Maybe another 10 laps and a year without the great man on the hack and once again we had a title different result would have been seen grid. fight on our hands . a fight which is , a result that would have given This year has seen one of the great- now certain to go to the wire. Alonso such a great edge going into est title fights in the history ot the Last weekend's win for the final two encounters of the season sport between the legend that is Schumacher and the man who will DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP look to emulate him, Fernando Alonso. With only two races remain- 1. Michael Schumacher116pts ing in the end of the season the pair =. Fernando Alonso 116pts could not be any closer with both on 3. Giancarlo Fisichella 63pts equal points and Schumacher leading 4. Felippe Massa 62pts 185e Championship by way of having farosuia i ' more race wins under his belt than 5. Kimi Raikkonen 57pts Alonso, an event which only hap- 6. Jenson Button 45pts pened last weekend when Schumacher Leeds Student Atantleedsstudent.org.uk Friday, October 6, 2006 23 Ready to rumble

To continue the build up to the big MENS RUGBY U (MET) Varsity Fixture list VARSITY TABLE 2005 I.eeds Universities Varsity clash on LEEDS MET 9.4 LEEDS UNI WOMENS RUGBY U (MET) Wednesday I l th October the Leeds Wednesday WHO WON WHAT... Student caught with some of the men October 11 2006 SQUASH (UNI) and women involved. MENS FOOTBALL (MET) Al 2pm on the Squash Courts at the Weetwood Playing WOMENS FOOTBALL (MET) NETBALL (MET) University of Leeds Sport Centre, Phil Fields: Young will captain the University of Women's Hockey Leeds's Men's Squash team. Phil told MENS HOCKEY (UNI) ATHLETICS (MEI) us he was looking forward to the Synthetic Turf Pitch WOMENS HOCKEY (UNI) Varsity and nut just the squash. Tin 1pm BASKETBALL (UNI) looking forward to the rugby as well. ii Women's Rugby MENS RUGBY LG (MET) will be a good spectacle'. A good spec- Rugby Pitch 1 1... WOMENS RUGBY LG (MET) TENNIS (MET) tacle indeed as a crowd of around 5.000 Up for grabs- the trophy itself 1pm is expected at Headingley Carnegie Women's Football Stadium for the possibly decisive finale. Football Pitch 1 Phil went on to tell us that the 2pm Squash Team had a good victory over Men's Hockey there counterparts at Leeds Met last Synthetic Turf Pitch year and are confident that they 'will 3pm Having a Ball win again'. 'We have a good number Men's Football one and hopefully we can pick up more results down the order'. He commented Football Pitch 2 * Michael Niles caught up with our own international hockey star that his confidence may not he mis• 3pm indeed as he has been impressed with Men's Rugby League Leeds University student Ashley Ball limitations of women's sport. Ladies the commitment of several 'really keen. Rugby Pitch 1 has won a silver medal at the under- hockey is totally under-funded. good first years'. 3pm 21 European Hockey Championships underexposed and in need of sup- Coming Into the Varsity clash much in Sicily. port.- is made of the rivalry between the two University of The 21)-year old medical sciences From a European Championship teams but Phil dismissed this as 'good banter' and joked that this would espe- Leeds Sports Centre student was in the England squad that final, Ball will play in the varsity Men's Badminton lost in the final to Germany when a game on Wednesday against Leeds cially he the case 'if we win again!'. solitary goal in the dosing minutes Met- where she'll come up against The Leeds Student also spoke to Hall lb settled the tie_ some of her England under-21 team Leeds Basketball player Neil Smith. the 1pm It was a great performance by the mates.- "The standard of university hacked up Phil's claims that the Varsity Women's Badminton England team. given that Germany hockey is pretty high. We have four was only 'good banter' and nothing Hall lb malicious, Neil said the rivalry was were ranked much higher in the girls that play in the National Premier fpm world, and also following the disap- league and the England players at the good us after the intense Varsity the play the Met again the following week. Women's Netball pointment of the Junior World Cup Met. Hall la where the England girls under per- "It makes for some great banter Despite claims of a purely friendly formed. when my :earn High Town heat rivalry Neil added fuel to the fire with 2pm Ball has been involved with the Doncaster. Considering the standard his confidence of a victory over the Men's Squash England set-up for six years and we play at it would be gaud to see Met. 'We always win' he added and Squash Courts strengthened his case by pointing to the these championships go down as her better support for our university 2pm best achievement in the sport "We learn, especially for varsity." return of a few key players for the Varsity match . Men's Volleyball did really well. The competition Was Last year's varsity match between Hall 2 really intense and if we weren't play- the two universities ended in a 2-1 Despite now playing in the same league as their opponents at The Mei. ing we were attending meetings and victory to Leeds Uni, no doubt the 2pm Neil thought that the Yap. r ,et-tip doing video analysis of the opposi- A future star? Met will be looking to come out on Women's Volleyball tion. We did manage to get a bit of top this time around, but they will good for unisersity sport in the city. Hall 2 rugby. top class hockey in this coun- have to stop Ashleigh in her tracks to and will act as good motivation for the side. 4pm try is not a full time occupation do so. Women's lootball captain Jane Women's Basketball "This area is not good for because of the lack money in the Burgess added that her team Hall la the sport. The nearest sport. Players in the highest divisions are confident and, on a personal level. having tend to struggle as financial hacking 3pm Premier league teams are in missed last years match through injury is extremely limited, as Ashleigh Men's Basketball Doncaster and Manchester" and as a third year. this is her last explains: "Players will have to pay Hall lb chance in a Varsity match, so she i' fur expenses like travel, equipment. Spm accommodation and treatment. It can desperate to prove a point and help erase the memories of last years 3-1 time in the sun but not much." be a real struggle juggling training defeat. Events at Leeds After playing a number of friendly With studying for a degree and nor- With a new coach, keen and talented Metropolitan University games for the ladies first team pre- mal university life." freshers, and the hard work the team World Cup which is in Full swing The Olympics in 2111 2 is what Ball Men's Tennis have put in through training, especially now. Ball is hoping for a full interna• Tennis Centre working on their collective fitness, she tional call up in the not too distant 1pm "There is some fantasic is confinent that the Women's football future. Women's Tennis talent across the country team can get a result on Wednesday Originally from Cheltenham. Tennis Centre that is not being supported Archie Sample, the Sports Officer .a Ashley feels her sport does not get Leeds University pointed out the pro 1pm the recognition it deserves in the to its full potential" gressions the teams have made over the Men's Track & Field north of the country. "Competing year. noting that 'all the teams arc eon Athletics Track against universities like fident. some captains last year are ipm Loughborough is tough. They have struggling to get in the side, so that is setting her sights on but medals Women's Track & Field coaches and the best facilities. shows the progression we are making.' will not come as easy as people may At Leeds Uni sports are not that Re also udded that the Leeds Uni Athletics Track believe. "Obviously I would love to big and especially not hockey. This teams are looking to their own talents, 1pm play in the Olympics but it's a long area is not good for the sport. The rather than Focusing too much on their nearest women's Premier League way ahead. opponents. and is hoping that the "There is some fantastic talent Golf at Cookridge team is High Town in Manchester or Varsity matches prove to he a good start across the country that is nut being Ashleigh keeping her eye on Hall from 11 am Doncaster." to the BUSA season for Leeds Uni. Unlike sports such as football and supported to its full potential due to the ball (below)

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------Apr Tension mounts Universities get ready for big clash VI° rugby union at 7pin. Leeds Uni w ill team. powered by a wealth of talent MN', MEM By Ahran Symonds-Baig he looking to build on the successes from the Rhino's acedemy. recording last year if they hope to claim the tro- a -18-4 victory. with the women's phy. winning the hockey. squash and team following suit by beating Leeds On October 1 I. the second Varsity basketball events. with the men's Uni 33-0. day between Leeds University and hockey team earning a particularly. The undoubted highlight of the — =EK impressive 11-2 victory last year. day is the showpiece event: the Leeds Metropolitan University rakes WWW.SOFIODOLLS.CO.Ult WWW.MYSPAOLCO DOLLS pitice, and with even more events tak- The other events did not make Men's Rugby. Union at Headingley ing place than the nine sports includ- such happy reading for Leeds Uni, Carnegie Stadium. Last year Leeds NEW SINGLE ed last year - with men's and 'Fite men's athletics teams were sepa- Met earned a hard-fought victory. women's badminton. %olleyball and rated by only two points last year, winning a close match I 2.6. the icing golf added to the fixtures - it looks and in both the men's arid the on the cake for The Met's sporting NO REGRETS - 30.1 • set to he even bigger and better than women's teams there were excellent teams. Watched by 3010 very vocal text 80110 to 81350 to pre•order download single & ml the inaugural tournament. Leeds Uni results -. notably the 100m and 200m supporters from both sides. whose will have the chance to wrestle the races. enthusiasm was not dampened by the title from The Met over the course of There were also close results in weather. the march was a spectacle. the day. following last year's 9-4 the football - Leeds Met winning the With attendances this year sA:.I to defeat. men's event 4-3 after falling behind, nearly double lust year's. the atmos- The events take place throughout then racing to a 4-I lead at half time; phere will no doubt be electric as 01- the day over three sites: Weetwood and a 3-I scoreline in the women's Leeds Uni look to overturn that nar- ' playing fields. Leeds University match proving enough for the Met to row defeat. sports centre. and !zeds claim a football clean sweep. In con- Tickets are available for the rugby Metropolitan University. starting at trast. the rugby league was dominat- match at Headingley front the ARC. I pm. and leading up in the Men's ed by Leeds Met. with the mens on the second floor of LUU.

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Mon 2 Oct Noll University .! Kill its Toes 3 Oct Carlisle Brickyard 1.1U Wed 4 Oct Leicester llniversity Mon g Oct Liverpool Ilniveisi Toes 10 Oct tees University - Thu rsity Wed I1 Oct Wolverhumptun < rsity. log Frill Oct sity Thugs 12 Oct Bristol University %golf Sat 211 Oct ketetboroultMet Lounge Sat 14th LIci London Old Blue I. Mon 10 Oct Coventry Coliseum. Sun 211 Oct Wolves hole Civic 41 Toes 11 Oct Doncaster Boiler Boo Mon 30 Oct Manchester NE When two tribes go to war: Action from last year Ihurs 1g Oct Newcastle Cluny Timis 0 Nov Leaden — Barfly

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