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Not That Kind of Labor!

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Not That Kind of Labor! Not that Kind of Labor! Princess Zelda stood on the balcony of Hyrule Castle, looking out over the tranquil kingdom. She put a hand to her aching back. Carrying her full term baby bump was really wearing on her. She couldn’t be happier to be having a daughter of her own, but she could have done without the aches and pains pregnancy brought. Not to mention the extra pounds. Her hips had plumped up along with her butt. Her back felt a bit softer too. FRRT! She’d also earned a permanent tooting butt, though she was no stranger ​ to being gassy. It’d just used to come on only after big meals or milk. Big meals, even live ones, had never left bellies that stuck around this long either. Zelda missed her trim, lithe frame that she could actually move in. She blushed as the smell of yesterday’s lunch began to fill her nose from the fart. She’d gotten cravings for spicy food, which did not help her bloated, gassy feeling. Still, it could be over at any moment. She would miss some things such as the feeling of life growing inside of her and how cute her belly could look at times. Zelda rubbed her baby bump lovingly, looking down at it and smiling as she felt the baby shift a little. A Zelda of her own. Dinner time was about to get even more confusing. “Sniff Sniff Whew…” a voice behind her said, “Taco Tuesday turned into Wet ​ ​ Fart Wednesday it seems.” Zelda blushed bright red, turning around to see her mother, Queen Zelda, standing behind her and fanning the air in front of her nose. The Queen was sporting a pot belly of her own, but judging by the loud gurgling coming from it, hers was a food baby and not, well, you know. “Mom!” Princess Zelda cried in embarrassment. “Oh relax Pancake,” Queen Zelda replied, “I’m just teasing you. You should know better than anyone that you inherited your chatty butt from me.” “I know,” the Princess replied, “I’m not that bothered about passing gas usually…” “Pregnancy is a weird time,” the Queen stated, “I remember how strangely self conscious I felt about how big I was getting, even though I used to parade around with people in my belly all the time. Though speaking of embarrassing farts, let me tell you a story from my youth when I accidentally cut one in front of everyone…” Queen Zelda, still only a princess at the time and looking much like she did during the events of Hyrule Warriors, sat at her dining table. She had a rather bloated ​ ​ ball of a gut sitting in her lap as she ate her dinner. Before her sat a mostly empty plate with some baked beans still sitting in the corner. BUUARP! She let out a meaty belch ​ ​ that rippled her lips, but no one was around to hear it. Grooooan… She rubbed her ​ ​ belly, which now had some saliva covering the top of it. “Oh, Link,” she moaned, “You really are my favorite meal… but, sometimes the chef gives you a run for your Rupees.” She started to clean off the rest of her plate. Zelda moaned at the delicious flavor, literally licking the plate clean when she was done. Gloooorp! She set the plate ​ ​ down. She leaned back in her chair, sighing as her gut groaned happily but also with gas. BRRMMMP! A wet fart burped from her bum, a nearly visible cloud of brown stink ​ ​ rising around it. Zelda giggled at the gas. “Beans, beans, the magical fruit,” she said in a sing-song voice, “The more you eat, the more you—” Toot! Her butt finished the phrase for her. She giggled again before standing up ​ and stretching. She could feel Link sliding through her small intestines. Zelda smiled and rubbed the front of her bloated belly. Yawning, she exited the dining room and headed for bed. POOT! PRRT! PFFT! She awoke the next morning to a series of toots exiting her ​ rear. Zelda smirked and stretched languidly, enjoying her morning gas while she didn’t have to smell it. Her belly felt smaller beneath the sheets. Link would be ready to make his appearance soon. After enjoying farting leasurely for another minute, Zelda felt her bowels move menacingly. She threw off the covers and hurriedly vacated the room before having to smell the freed flatulence. She made her way down to the basement, careful not to cut any cheese along the way. Entering the reformation room, she made her way to the small dias in the center of the room. She gathered up her nightgown and squatted, thankful to have decided not to wear underwear to bed. PLUUUUUUURT! A thick wet fart ripped from her rump followed by a large ​ smooth turd. Zelda sighed in relief as she gave birth to Link’s (temporary) new form. This was so much nicer than what she’d learned about giving actual birth with labor and other unpleasant processes. When she finished, she stood and admired the cute swirled pile Link had become. Then, she grabbed the Wind Waker. Zelda reformed Link. She headed back upstairs to get dressed up in her royal garb. After, she headed to the throne room where everyone was gathering to hear her speech praising the laborers for their hard work repairing Hyrule’s infrastructure following the War Across the Ages. As she spoke, she felt some gas gurgling softly in her guts from the aftermath of yesterday’s binge. Zelda ignored it as best she could. The pressure continued to build as she spoke, becoming more and more noticeable. She continued to hold it at bay, hoping to make it through her speech and then run to the bathroom. It was not to be. BrrtPPtfft… Zelda farted loudly, the sound ​ ​ echoing through the room. She blushed bright red, fanning the air behind her bum frantically with her left hand. The audience gasped. “Eh heh… excuse me…” Zelda said awkwardly, a part of her dying inside from embarrassment, “I’m so sorry about that, I just got so passionate that it slipped out.” She smiled slightly, trying to compose herself and lighten the mood. The audience stared at her… “...then they started laughing,” the Queen finished, “Honestly, it was a huge relief that they found my little slip up funny. They could have stared at me the whole time, judging me for my little slip in manners, but instead they found comedy in their flatulent little princess. I managed to finish the speech after a while and then joked around with the crowd for a bit. I did learn a valuable lesson: beans don’t sit well with me, so I shouldn’t eat them before important events. It also reminded everyone that even princesses fart on occasion, so they shouldn’t feel lesser because of their own gas.” “Oh man, Mom,” Princess Zelda replied, “That would be super embarrassing. Imagine if I made the mistake of drinking milk before speaking.” “That would certainly be quite the memorable speech,” the Queen teased, “But, probably not in the way you’d want…” “I’d be so terribly embarrassed,” the Princess said, “Especially if Luke was there. I can barely stand the tooting butt my pregnancy has given me when it’s just him and I, but if I did it in front of a bunch of people, I think I’d die!” They shared a laugh as they stared out over the kingdom. It was a beautiful day, but Princess Zelda couldn’t risk wandering out with her baby so close to being born. The Queen didn’t want to be too far away from her daughter for when the moment came. The Princess rubbed her belly. “Oh, I wish I could go to the beach,” she stated, “It’s such a beautiful day out! Tell me a beach story from your youth, Mom.” “Hmmm…” Queen Zelda mused, sifting through the memories of her youth, “Well, there was the one time I invited all our friends to the beach, then couldn’t help myself and ate Lana. Oh, that was so long ago! Your father and I had just started dating…” Link and Zelda laid side-by-side on the beach on a pleasant, sunny day not unlike the current one. Link wore only a green and white swim trunks while Zelda wore a pink and gold bikini. The young future Queen had her hair down. Around them their friends were enjoying the pleasant day as well. A shadow fell on Zelda as Lana stepped in front of her, wearing a blue bikini that normally would have been too small for her. But, her breasts and butt seemed to have been filled out recently, allowing her to keep the swimsuit on. Zelda pushed herself up slightly to get a better look at the White Sorceress. Grrrr… A hungry rumble ​ ​ emanated from her gut. Link had taken notice of Lana as well. “Well, how do I look?” Lana asked, “The swimsuit you sent me didn’t fit at first, but Cia was kind enough to help me fill it out for the day… Princess?” A visible streak of drool was running down from Zelda’s partly open mouth. She had a hungry look in her eyes as she continued to size up Lana. Grumble… Her ​ ​ stomach rumbled again. Link looked at Lana with apologetic eyes, knowing where this was about to go. Zelda stood up. She drew close to Lana, grabbing the girl’s upper arms.
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