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MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY Written by Jeff Lowell

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MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY Written by Jeff Lowell MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY Written by Jeff Lowell Technical note: This series is the story of a couple, Peter and Dana, and it'll be partially told from their POV. We'll have the freedom to see through their eyes and hear their thoughts at various points. I'll specify the POV shots when it's necessary for the story or joke, but aside from that, it'll be an editing choice. TEASER FADE IN. INT. NEW YORK STREET - DAY We’re in the Village, streets still crowded with people heading home from work, shopping, going to dinner... PETER is walking towards the camera. He’s 30ish, a good looking guy. His eyes move back and forth, looking at the people heading towards him. PETER’S POV: We see that his gaze is flitting from woman to woman, landing on each one briefly. The men don’t even exist to him - they’re blurs on the way to the next woman. He’s deciding whether or not he’d sleep with every woman that he sees. PETER (V.O.) Yes. (NEXT) No. (NEXT) Yes, but don’t have a shot. Maybe when I was in college. If she was drunk and trying to get back at her boyfriend who cheated on her. (NEXT, SHE’S IN HER 50s) Yes. But for how long? Five more years? I wonder what the oldest woman I’d have sex with is. When I’m sixty, will sixty year old women look good to me, or are they just my only option? Peter spots a gorgeous woman with huge breasts, cleavage showing. The bottom half of her body is blocked from view. PETER (V.O.) God yes. Yes, yes, a thousand times- The rest of her comes into sight: she’s hugely pregnant. PETER (V.O.) Yes. Probably. I don’t know. Looks back from the belly to the breasts. PETER (V.O.) Yes. INT. DIFFERENT NEW YORK STREET - DAY Same type of crowd, and this time we pick up DANA walking towards the camera. 30ish, pretty, smiles and nods to everyone whose eye she catches, unlike most New Yorkers, who just keep their heads down as they move through the city. DANA’S POV: 2. Her gaze is also moving from woman to woman, but instead of figuring out if she’d sleep with them, she’s focusing on their purses. DANA (V.O.) No, yes, yes if I’m meeting the queen, not a chance... Dana notices a man - not just any man, an incredibly handsome Adonis of a man. DANA (V.O.) Wow. She looks next to him - there’s another man, maybe even more handsome, if that’s possible. DANA (V.O.) Wow. She looks down - they’re holding hands. DANA (V.O.) Of course. Dana stops at a red light. A woman stops next to her - Dana glances over. Glances down. The woman and Dana are wearing the exact same pair of distinctive shoes. DANA (V.O.) God, I can’t believe how much better they look on her than me. I look like one of Cinderella’s stepsisters, squeezing her gruesome fat feet into a glass slipper. Do I have weird ankles? Is there an exercise for ankles? The light changes and the woman walks away. Dana continues down the street, and during a lull in pedestrians, one man comes around the corner and into sight: Peter. He’s the first person to meet her eye. DANA (V.O.) Not bad. PETER’S POV: Peter looks at Dana looking at him. PETER (V.O.) Yes. [Note: When Peter and Dana meet for real, they won’t remember this encounter - it’s just a little bit of kismet to start the series.] END OF COLD OPEN 3. ACT ONE INT. AMY AND DAVID’S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - LATER Every room in the apartment has been decorated expensively, but tastefully. Not an orchid or framed vintage New Yorker cover out of place. Two people here: first, DAVID is sitting at the kitchen table, reading his iPad. Handsome, slick... and way too worried about what people think of him. He’s the kind of guy who reads books he doesn’t understand just so he can say he read them. David’s wife is AMY, and she’s putting breakfast on the table. Amy is Dana’s age, and as perfectly put together as her apartment. Amy is sure she knows the correct course of action for herself and every other person in her life. Dana comes into the room, dressed and ready for work. AMY First day of work! DANA First day of work! AMY Love the outfit. DANA (V.O.) Do you? Or is there one thing that only you could think of that would make it a hundred percent better? Amy pulls off her necklace, puts it around Dana’s neck. AMY There. DANA (V.O.) Close one. I almost dressed myself. AMY Oh, and David’s brother is going to call today to ask you out. DANA Is that my horoscope? It’s awfully specific. AMY His name’s Peter. He’s great. (to David) You told him, right? DAVID He can’t wait. 4. DANA I just got to New York. AMY Dating works the same here. DANA I’m just... New city, new job, I’m focusing on other things. First day of work, remember? AMY Manhattan’s too expensive for a single woman. If you want to eat at great restaurants, you need a boyfriend. DAVID Very nineteen fifties housewife. That’s why I love you, babe. AMY Besides, we can do couples stuff and you won’t feel like a third wheel. DANA I’ve been here three days. I didn’t realize it was getting awkward. AMY Not yet. You’re going to love him. (then) Here, I baked some muffins for you to share with everyone. Amy hands Dana a basket and bustles her towards the door. DANA (V.O.) Did I say “yes?” I can’t remember. She’s like a Jedi. INT. COOPER & SONS - DAY An old office stacked up with paper and samples - trophies and awards of every size, shape and material. Judging by the dust and furniture, this place has been here for decades. A few offices ring the bullpen in the middle. We go inside one of those offices to find... INT. COOPER & SONS - PETER’S OFFICE - DAY Peter’s at his desk, tapping away on his computer. He’s got the confidence of a guy who’s in control of his world... well, at least his work. PETER Where are you? 5. DAVID (V.O.) In the lobby. Walking in in literally ten seconds. INTERCUT WITH: INT. CAB - DAY David’s in the back of a cab, on his cell phone. DAVID You’ve got to call one of Amy’s friends and ask her out. PETER Do I know her? DAVID Nope. Just moved here, they haven’t seen each other since college. PETER I’m not a real fan of blind dates. DAVID I already told Amy you’d do it. You want to tell her I was lying? PETER I think you should tell her. DAVID Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. Her name’s Dana, she was Amy’s sorority sister. PETER Well, that’s promising. DAVID That’s nothing. Rumor has it that they used to get drunk and hook up. PETER Hook up, dance at a party and kiss each other when they knew everyone was watching, or- DAVID Hook up, back in their room, door locked, tie on the door, illegal in Texas full sapphic debauchery. PETER God damn. In David’s cab, he notices the cab driver listening to him. He swipes his phone, pulls up a picture of Amy, holds it forward for the cab driver to see. 6. DAVID My wife. CAB DRIVER I wouldn’t kick her out of bed. DAVID Right? David turns his attention back to the call: DAVID (CONT'D) Amy refuses to confirm it, but she doesn’t deny it, either. It haunts me. I’ve got to be honest, it’s half the reason I married her. (then) I’m sending you her info. Peter and David hang up. Back on Peter, as his phone chimes with a text. He turns back to his computer, starts typing. After a moment, his sister (CHLOE) sticks her head in. Chloe takes nothing seriously, ever. She’s awesome. CHLOE Whatcha doin’? PETER Working. CHLOE You just logged onto Facebook. PETER You spend all day monitoring Facebook? CHLOE Yep. PETER Ugh. Look at the profile picture of this girl Amy’s setting me up with. CHLOE Which one is she? PETER The ugly one. CHLOE How do you know? PETER If you’re pretty, are you going to risk having people think you’re the wrong one? But if you’re ugly, you’re counting on it. 7. CHLOE No one thinks like you. PETER Everyone thinks like me. INT. BUS - DAY Dana rides along on the bus, phone in hand, basket of muffins in her lap. She types something, hits return, looks puzzled. A moment later, her phone rings. She picks up - it’s Amy. INTERCUT WITH: INT. AMY AND DAVID’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY Amy is folding origami as classical music plays in the background. Her laptop is open next to her. AMY Why did you just type “Peter Cooper” in your status update? DANA I didn’t. I was searching for his profile. AMY No, you just put it in your status update, and every person you know now knows you’re stalking him.
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