Love and Dating
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_________________ LOVE DATING MARRIAGE SEX INTRODUCTION: • On Thursday nights we are going verse by verse through the Bible and we’re in the Book of Song of Solomon known as the Book of Love • Today we want to talk about Love And Dating • Now you might think… I’m past that • You might be, but then again maybe we should never be • Maybe dating is something that we should never stop doing, even after we are married • So I want to talk about something that relates to all of us • Single and Married… the topic of Love and Dating • Today we will examine 3 qualities of love and 3 qualities of dating The first quality of love is… God created love to be multifaceted Song of Solomon 1:2 (NKJV) THE SHULAMITE 2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— For your love is better than wine. • There are several different words used to represent all the different dimensions of love • The word used in vs. 2 is the Hebrew word dawd for romantic love • It speaks of love that is receptive, open, giving to others • It is a love that is consummated physically or is physically complete • It speaks of physical intimacy… It’s baby making love However in vs. 3 another kind of love is mentioned Song of Solomon 1:3 (NKJV) 3 Because of the fragrance of your good ointments, Your name is ointment poured forth; Therefore the virgins love you. This is the word used for love between two people • It’s the Hebrew Word ahava • It’s the love that is referred to in Leviticus when it says to love your neighbor as yourself • It’s the love that God loves us with and the love we love God with Solomon used a third word for love in Proverbs 20:28… Proverbs 20:28 (NKJV) LOVE AND DATING / Ecclesiastes 9:11 © 2014 Holland Davis _________________ LOVE DATING MARRIAGE SEX 28 Mercy and truth preserve the king, And by lovingkindness he upholds his throne. • It’s the word Chesed • It speaks of loyalty or steadfast love… today we use the word faithful • It’s the kind of love that remains true over a long period of time • It’s faithful love • So we have physical love, We have human love, We have faithful love But the Bible talks about one other kind of love – unconditional love • This love is only mentioned in reference to God’s love… agape It’s the love we read about in 1 Corinthians 13 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 (NKJV) 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. It’s the love the husbands are to show their wives when it says Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV) 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, • It isn’t based on desire like romantic love • It’s based on a one way covenant of love that God makes with man • God decides to love you whether or not you decide to love Him back • That’s the kind of love that we are to show our wives • When we enter into a covenant of love with our wives we are making a choice to love for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health… • It’s beyond an emotion, it’s a decision to love regardless of whether or not my wife is loving to me or not… it’s self sacrificing love And so we see a complete picture of the love • We are to love unconditionally • We are to love faithfully and loyally LOVE AND DATING / Ecclesiastes 9:11 © 2014 Holland Davis _________________ LOVE DATING MARRIAGE SEX • We are to love with the deep bonds of friendship • Which leads to the intimacy of love that is expressed physically The second thing to notice about love is… God created romantic love to unite us to the person we’re going to marry • In vs. 4 the Shulamite Woman simply wants to be with the one she loves • She says… Draw me away The natural progression of romantic love is desire Song of Solomon 3:1–2 (NKJV) THE SHULAMITE 3 By night on my bed I sought the one I love; I sought him, but I did not find him. 2 “I will rise now,” I said, “And go about the city; In the streets and in the squares I will seek the one I love.” I sought him, but I did not find him. In 2:5 she says… I’m lovesick • How many of you have felt lovesick when you’re apart from your beloved • I still feel that when I travel or I’m away from Roxie • I feel lovesick… I want to be with the one I love That’s why the Shulamite woman cautions her girlfriends Song of Solomon 2:7 (NKJV) 7 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, By the gazelles or by the does of the field, Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases. • Listen, this emotion is powerful… don’t stir it up until you can do something about it… once you start me up, I’ll never stop • That’s why I don’t think it’s wise for two single people in love to spend a lot of time alone with each other… it leads to physical intimacy • God created romantic love, it’s good, it’s to be celebrated • When you become physically intimate outside the protection of marriage, you can loose the sense of wonder and celebration that God designed physical intimacy to have • And you don’t want to diminish that love by bringing shame or guilt on yourself by not being careful… so limit your alone time The third thing to notice about love is… God created love to cover • I mentioned this Thursday, but it bears mentioning again… look at 1:6 LOVE AND DATING / Ecclesiastes 9:11 © 2014 Holland Davis _________________ LOVE DATING MARRIAGE SEX Song of Solomon 1:6 (NKJV) 6 Do not look upon me, because I am dark, Because the sun has tanned me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; They made me the keeper of the vineyards, But my own vineyard I have not kept. • The Shulamite woman was a working class woman… she wasn’t royalty • In that culture, a woman of stature would not lay in the sun and get a tan • Today it’s a symbol of beauty, but then it told people you were a commoner • But I want you to look at how her beloved saw her Song of Solomon 1:8–10 (NKJV) THE BELOVED 8 If you do not know, O fairest among women, Follow in the footsteps of the flock, And feed your little goats Beside the shepherds’ tents. 9 I have compared you, my love, To my filly among Pharaoh’s chariots. 10 Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, Your neck with chains of gold. • She says I’m black… he says you’re the fairest of them all • Love is blind… love covers • One of the first signs of a loss of love is the desire to expose • Couples that stop loving each other tend to want to tell everyone the faults and weaknesses of their beloved • They take out their frustrations, their bitterness, their anger by exposing rather than covering • If you’re in that place… Ask God to give you a renewed heart of love for your beloved • KEEP IN MIND: When you expose your beloved you’re only hurting yourself because you picked your beloved and it’s in your enlightened self interest that everyone knows you picked a winner not a loser Which brings us to the subject of dating… • The first 2 chapters of the Song of Solomon deal with the courtship between the Shulamite woman and Solomon • In our language we call courtship dating and there is a lot of confusion about why we date and how we date in our culture today LOVE AND DATING / Ecclesiastes 9:11 © 2014 Holland Davis _________________ LOVE DATING MARRIAGE SEX First of all… the primary reason for dating is marriage • We see this in Chapter 3 of the Song of Solomon Song of Solomon 3:11 (NKJV) 11 Go forth, O daughters of Zion, And see King Solomon with the crown With which his mother crowned him On the day of his wedding, The day of the gladness of his heart. • I think it’s important to remember the purpose for dating is to find a suitable husband or wife to spend the rest of your life with • If we go into dating with this in mind, it will keep us from dating people we wouldn’t want to marry Second of all… the primary way for communicating is complimentary • Notice how they talk to each other He tells her how beautiful she is… Song of Solomon 1:15 (NKJV) THE BELOVED 15 Behold, you are fair, my love! Behold, you are fair! You have dove’s eyes. Then she responds… Song of Solomon 1:16–17 (NKJV) THE SHULAMITE 16 Behold, you are handsome, my beloved! Yes, pleasant! Also our bed is green. 17 The beams of our houses are cedar, And our rafters of fir.