THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE Vol. IV No. 2 9 June 2006 THE DA VINCI CODE Whatever they paid Sir Ian McKellen, he was worth Audrey Tautou – who you may remember from Amélie every penny. As well-bred academic ‘Royal Historian’ – is the pretty but also pretty bland leading totty, in the Leigh Teabing, McKellen, clearly having a good role of French cryptographer Sophie Neveu. Her summer with two blockbusters back to back, used both grandfather was curator of the Louvre and heavily Gandalfian gravitas and ham theatricality to raise the mixed up in a secret society. He opens the film pulse of director Ron Howard’s otherwise resolutely running from his murderer through the corridors of the uninspired adaptation of Dan Brown’s 2003 bestseller. Louvre, and then, while dying, leaves a series of The Da Vinci Code is simply incredible. Yes, the box anagrammatic clues written in his own blood. Quel office returns, the hype, the court cases and the film domage, mais incroyable! are remarkable, but real; the plot of this half-action, Paul Bettany brings admirable commitment to his turn half-waffle crypto-potboiler really is incredible in the as self-flagellating albino monk Silas, an agent of the literal sense of not believable. ‘Incroyable ’, as Sophie conservative Catholic sect Opus Dei. Though keeps saying: ‘Incroyable, Professor, but ze Mona Lisa ridiculously conspicuous in his cassock, running ees jest over ‘ere…’ at one (unintentionally) very around Paris and London with murderously red eyes – funny moment by the dead body in the Louvre. mind you, with those S&M undergarments, you’d be a Tom Hanks rather underplays the role of Robert bit tearful – he stays hot on the trail of the film’s Langdon, ‘Professor of Religious Symbology at Biblical treasure, ‘the source of the Church’s power on Harvard University’ and celebrated author of Symbols Earth’. Alfred Molina and Jean Reno play a sinister of the Sacred Feminine; this seems like a great idea bishop and police captain respectively. while he is playing a professor, and even for a while as Plot and pictures, however, are the pagan idols of The he plays a professor unexpectedly escorted to a crime Da Vinci Code. Unsatisfied by merely dramatising a scene in the Louvre, but once the professor goes on the novel with actors and settings, Howard exhaustively run from police, only to be repeatedly held at gunpoint turns every idea into a visual, in the manner of A and exposed to shocking revelations, underplaying Beautiful Mind’s optical pop psychology. A begins to seem like an absence of blossoming kaleidoscope of visual character. Howard and screenwriter ‘Incroyable, Professor, effects and instructive flashbacks Akiva Goldman deserve blame as illustrates and explains, more often well for allowing the camera to show but ze Mona Lisa ees than necessary, each clever anagram, too little interest in their lead jest over ’ere…’ code and puzzle. Some of the character; the newly invented twist graphics may look like Return of the of the lapsed Catholic Langdon again trying on his King and Kingdom of Heaven CGI rejects but as a moth-balled faith proves especially unconvincing. whole, combined with the narrative, they help to Working closely from Brown, though, Goldman neatly present the controversies in a more palatable manner. highlights the themes of what we see and how we The soundtrack of The Da Vinci Code is enjoyably interpret what we see, the stocks-in-trade of atmospheric but at times grated and intruded upon the symbology professors (if they exist), cryptographers, and detectives; Teabing reminds Langdon, ‘The mind events on screen. The highlight of Hans Zimmer’s sees what it chooses to see’. But he also says ‘It’s what score was the build up in the closing moments of the you choose to believe that matters’, which gives you story. Langdon walks through a city towards the secret an idea of the platitudinal tosh spouted intermittently. location of the object he seeks while the music builds

– – — INSIDE — – – Poll on Green issues – page 31 • Social Stereotypes – page 32 • The Warden’s Music – page 34 Social Sudoku – page 44 • Correspondence – page 45 • Sports reports – page 47 and much more… 9 June 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE up beautifully as he nears the end to his search. Professor Eco’s book is hailed as a masterpiece, full of genuine history, theology, linguistic Crammed into a 149-minute frame, this densely richness and thematic complexity. I don’t think, detailed film does begin to inspire heretical though, that anyone is claiming that for Mr chuckles in the way it plays a connect-the- Brown’s effort. historical-dots game to reveal a sketch of a pregnant Mary Magdalene. Murder in the The curator bleeding to death in the Louvre

Louvre, Da Vinci-painted clues, Sir Isaac could have got in a pre-emptive strike at the Newton, the Knights Templar, crafty Swiss beginning by writing bankers and Fibonacci numbers. Forget Holy ‘O LAME PLOT! O DRACONIAN CRITICS!’ Blood, Holy Grail, Dan Brown picked up his in his own blood (but don’t waste your time inspiration from a Speakers’ Corner conspiracy trying to find anagrams). Entirely lacking in subtlety theorist; certainly, he got away with his alleged and irony, Howard’s film is too measured to be lively, plagiarism at the High Court last month. too skittish to be provocative and too slack in general The premise that has upset the Church so much is that to be more than a ploddingly literal translation of ink Jesus married Mary Magdalene, producing a daughter into pixels. who moved to France and an extensive Christ family tree. Apparently the Church has been covering up the OVERHEARD… secret ever since. In fact, the novel is packed full of dodgy Church history, ‘facts’, codes and complex A regular column of memorable quotes disparate ideas: the difficulty of adaptation was from all quarters of college. transferring these onto the screen without the energy sagging and the film becoming too long. This process Overheard in a discussion of VI.1 mentoring was made harder by Howard’s stated wish to stick as Don: ‘You guys will be the pilot group for this closely as possible to the book. As a result of this scheme.’ loyalty, the script is unimaginative and doesn’t, Boy: ‘What? So we will be learning to fly?’ therefore, reach the immense potential that the plot offered. The actors are frankly ill-served by the Overheard at the river: adaptation, which provides wooden dialogue which Boy: ‘Sir, are we going to go or are you going to stand Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou have virtually no hope there looking gormless?’ of making anything meaningful from the script. Overheard in Covered Passage: There is simply no chemistry between the two leads Don, looking at the 1920s picture of the Chapel gallery and some of their lines were cringeworthy because in our last issue: ‘My, that’s a big organ.’ they were so embarrassingly weak, in the midst of searching for clues, Langdon (Hanks) announces: ‘I Overheard in a Chemistry lesson: need a library. Fast!’, and then, in the most ridiculous Boy A: ‘It goes ‘I before E except after C’.’ scene on the top deck of a double decker bus, hacks Don: ‘Yes – for example in ceiling or, or... ceilidh.’ into the University of London’s Theology Boy B: ‘What’s a ceilidh?’ database through a mobile phone. All because Boy C: ‘Oh yes, it’s that Welsh dance…’ the film was, by then, far too long anyway and they needed to cut the book’s research scene. Overheard in the History Department: Except what may be the most insulting editing Boy: ‘... and in 1481 there was an orgy in the decision in years (a brief plot backtrack in an College of Cardinals.’ airplane hangar), Goldman and Howard deserve Don: ‘Really?’ some credit for making this project mostly Boy: ‘Yes sir, Mr Reekes gave me a handout on coherent and even, thanks to McKellen’s it.’ midpoint stretch, entertaining. For the most part, however, The Da Vinci Code is exactly the kind of Overheard in a Classics lesson: safe Hollywood adaptation we’ve come to expect, and Boy A: ‘Apparently, Jane Austen was really ugly’ in the filmmaker’s hands, every plot ‘twist’ should be Boy B: ‘Well, she had to look like a man or she dully obvious even to those who haven’t read Brown’s wouldn’t have been published.’ book. Please keep sending us (printable) quotes for this Many reviewers have compared this book-film pair to column – via email to [email protected]. The Name of the Rose, but I would say there is only a parallel in that the films of both books have tried to follow the text closely but have disappointed. 30 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 9 June 2006 A POLL ON GREEN ISSUES The younger generation is said to be particularly aware of the problems caused to ‘the environment’ by greenhouse gases, free radicals, and increasing use of water and fossil fuel resources. We conducted a poll among boys of all years to see the level of knowledge and concern of the global issues and some closer to home.

Do you think Green issues should be higher up the Reassuringly, Radleians do seem to be concerned political agenda? about the environment. There is no doubt that the Yes: 76%, No: 24% Warden’s recent comments in assemblies have brought the issue to people ’s attention. As a whole, students

Do you believe that increased CO2 levels are linked seem to be aware of the threat of global warming and with Global Warming? do feel it is an important political concern. Yes: 90%, No: 10% A large number of boys think the government should be more proactive in promoting nuclear power and Do you think Global Warming will make a significant alternatives to burning fossil fuels. 92% of boys say difference to you during your lifetime? they want an increase in the use of renewable energy Yes: 78%, No: 22% sources. 83% of boys would be happy to see Britain’s nuclear programme expand, suggesting that fears over Do you think fossil fuel supplies (coal, oil, gas) will be the safety of nuclear power are overstated. sufficient for the duration of your lifetime? The large support for non-fossil fuel energy sources Yes: 36%, No: 64% seems to be due to the fact that many boys think we Do you think Britain should expand its Nuclear must curb carbon dioxide production in an attempt to slow global warming and that 64% think fossil fuels Energy programme? will run out in their lifetime. Yes: 83%, No: 17% Despite these statistics it seems Radleians may still be Do you think Britain should expand its Alternative perhaps a little blasé about their energy consumption. (wind/solar/wave/hydroelectric) Energy programme? Almost a quarter of boys have nine or more electrical Yes: 92%, No: 8% appliances in their rooms: probably excessive. Radleians do not seem that concerned about their How many electrical appliances do you have in your consumption of electricity. Almost half of the boys College room? admit to leaving on unnecessary appliances. 78% 1-4: 34%, 5-8: 42%, 9-10: 11%, 11-12: 7%, 13+: 6% object to personal charges for electricity and 17% claim that they still would not be careful despite these Do you leave lights or your stereo or other appliances charges. (apart from fridges) on when you go out? While student specific electricity bills may be hard to Yes: 48%, No: 52% implement and perhaps unpopular it does appear they Do you think you should be charged specifically for would solve the problem. Instead of such a billing your own energy consumption? system however, wouldn’t it just be easier if everyone could just turn their lights off and put their computer Yes: 22%, No: 78% to sleep when they left their room? If you were charged specifically for your own energy The Warden’s recent £1-in-Shop bonus may well be consumption would you be more careful? enough to see a dramatic reduction in electricity Yes: 83%, No: 17% wastage across College… congratulations to F Social for leading the way. Would you consider voting for the Green Party? Rumour has it that one Social has banned baths to save Yes: 25%, No: 75% water, and perhaps that action has brought the South East’s water shortage into focus; certainly, there’s a Are you aware that there is currently a drought high level of awareness of the drought warning. warning in this area? The Chronicle aims to publish an opinion poll every Yes: 76%, No: 24% issue. The size of the sample interviewed is always Have you made an effort to reduce your water over 50. If any readers have suggestions of topics or consumption? questions to include in future polls, please let us know at [email protected]. Yes: 29%, No: 71% 31 9 June 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE SOCIAL STEREOTYPES An occasional series profiling well-known Radley types that may be lurking in a Social near you... 5. THE AMBITIOUS VI.1 Giles did not shine brightly in the Lower School. stances. He regretted what he had to do to Fortnum Coming from Bramblefields, he thought he would and Hampton but then he had never liked their cruise to a scholarship, but in the end just scraped in girlfriends anyway. And, as for planting crack cocaine with an Exhibition. In his first three years at Radley on Jollingsworth before he left on the Oriental Studies his endeavours erred on the side of mediocrity: he trip – no, actually, he didn’t pack his own bag... – the concentrated entirely on surviving until the holidays Chinese customs aren’t that harsh on drug smugglers, whilst putting the minimal amount of effort into his are they? daily activities. His preps and test results only scraped Anyhow, with his major rivals out of the picture, and above the ‘see me!’ level, his sporting activities his dazzling smile and reputation becoming whiter by involved feigning a limp and walking to Matron, and the day, it’s only a matter of time before Giles is called the very thought of an extra-curricular activity caused to the study for that cosy friendly call to duty. He can him to break into a cold sweat... Few would have almost hear the Warden’s tones in September: predicted what a change the holidays after his GCSEs ‘Auctoritate meam et totiis collegii, er, praeficio te, would see in him. alumnis Radleiensibus...’ Confidence-boosting phrases Some speculate it could have been the Sub-Warden’s whirr through his mind... ‘if my Tutor doesn’t make pep-talk at the beginning of the Sixth Form that got me Head of Social, it’s his loss; I’ll make a million by him… ‘Men, you are the worst year group ever...’; the time I’m 25, come back, buy the Social and sack others think it was the challenge of doing ‘real’ him.’ subjects, as opposed to the watered-down mush of Little does Giles know that his Tutor has some inkling GCSEs, that stirred his intellect and ambition. Other, of what’s been going on, and follows The Apprentice more cynical, standers-by suspect the lure of having a too. After a lengthy phone call from Beijing in which plump and well-nurtured Oxford application form. the sordid deta ils emerge, he finally gets to enjoy his But, whatever the reason, there is little doubt that little Sir Alan moment and takes immense satisfaction Giles, in his 6.1 year, buzzes. in saying, ‘Giles, you’re fired.’ He has the Head of Social job firmly in his sights – I mean, who else is there? In his own eyes he’s got everything: drive, ability, a warm smile for the trembling New Boy, a steely eye for the cheeky

Remove, and a chummy world-weary air for the laddish Vth. He’s sporty-ish – Stonewall and the tennis squad – plays the saxophone rather well à la Bill Clinton, has just joined the Choir, offers to babysit the Sub-tutor’s parrot, regularly rewards his Tutor with bottles of Langoa-Barton, and has a deep, confident voice that would be just right for those impromptu thank-you speeches that Heads of Social are occasionally called upon to do (he practises these nightly in front of the mirror). He even got busted at just the right time – in the Removes, with four cans of Fosters and a box of Camel brought back from Tunisia – thus earning his spurs early on as one of the lads, but leaving enough time for his Tutor to forgive and forget about it. He has kept his nose pretty clean since then. Or so his Tutor thinks... The reality is a little different: Giles watches The Apprentice avidly and knows that this term is his last chance to elbow the other fifteen VI.1s off the starting grid to leave pole position for him alone. He took a decision early on that he would play dirty if it came to that, and he has recently had to relinquish one or two of his less convenient moral 32 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 9 June 2006

THE HONOURS SYSTEM There is a system of ‘awards’ at nearly every public Social strings. No, I admit I made that one up. school in the country – it is a fact. The system is there One Sub-Tutor, newly arrived from another (mixed) to reward those who do well, to remind fellow pupils school told how horrified she was to hear an of achievements, and to drive people who do not have announcement at Social Prayers that ‘X is awarded his them to greater heights. We have that type of system Social strings’. For her (and probably, the rest of the here at Radley, and for those of you too young to have country), ‘strings’ as an item of clothing means been initiated, or too old to care or remember: Social something different… socks are the first level, Social strings (the horizontally striped tie) the next, and finally , in a select few The élite level above strings is only present in a Socials, a bowtie or cufflinks. All of these come in number of Socials, and this is where the system is separate Social colours, and are much desired relatively worthwhile – from what I’ve heard, accessories. Or are they? obtaining cufflinks or a bowtie is actually quite a challenge, and this is just the way it should be It frequently seems to me that the system is throughout the school. It is awarded to those who have administered inconsistently, being too liberal in some done much for the Social and the school, and only six cases, but extremely harsh in others: it varies greatly or seven boys accomplish this in each of the Socials between Socials and basically the whole thing is loose. that award them. Let me enlighten you further, and tell you that on So now to the hard part – how do we improve this arriving in the Shells from prep school, the thought of award system? Well, on arriving at Radley, Social earning Social socks is an inspiring one, and in your socks should be given out for the first good thing that a chosen area you push yourself to earn the striped socks boy has done for the Social, whether it be singing in that differentiate you from others. Having just done a the Partsong, playing outstandingly in a Social sport, huge leap from the top of a small prep school (where or getting a certain number of distinctions and As on you were probably some sort of prefect) to the bottom your report card, but most certainly not for being a of a much larger school with next to no recognisable very placid extra in a rather dull Haddon Cup attempt. accomplishments, this is the perfect step for you to set It is devaluing of the system and embarrassing for the your sights on, the vehicle by which you can be shown individual to be recognised for essentially nothing. to have achieved something, not only for yourself but for your Social. This kind of system should not only To obtain Social strings you should have to achieve recognise merit but inspire competition, and yet Social something: maybe joining in with lots of Social socks are practically handed out for turning oxygen activities and winning the odd one; there should be the and glucose into carbon dioxide and water. Award obvious evidence of serious contribution to Socia l inflation seems rife – in one events and/or personal Social, four years ago the ‘…to most people outside Radley, achievements which raise the Shells were not even Social’s prestige overall. awarded their Social tie until “strings” as an item of clothing From here high achievers they had proven themselves means something different…’ (and I’m talking about maybe on stage in the Haddon Cup. three boys per Social) should Thus the tie and the higher accolades meant something then go on to receive the coveted position of having an to the Shells and the rest of Social. extra Social accolade. In passing, why not have a different item of clothing for each Social – perhaps a Social strings, the next (and for most, highest) level sweater or scarf? seem to be awarded for Social achievements in sport, music or drama; the distinctive horizontally-striped tie With this system, boys would feel success in being is given to reward you for what you have done for awarded something, and the label of some kind of yourself and the Social. This is again a level which one Social award would distinguish a person’s effort in a should be able to look forward to reaching, but particular fie ld. This would develop a system of currently it really does not tell you about a person’s recognising and valuing personal achievement and achievements – it is just too random. I’ve heard of a contribution. Most Radleians’ school life is centred case where a boy had not earnt his nearing the end of largely around their Social. Involvement and success in his time in the Vths, so his Tutor just gave them to him sport, music and drama affect the prestige of the Social for turning up to watch a Social match. Another case, as a whole. To be able formally to recognise this in a anecdotally, is where one boy was given his at the end system whose rewards are respected and sought after – of the Shells for just generally being a good chap. I unlike the present arrangement, on the whole – is once heard a boy saying he was scared to go into a something that perhaps we should think about. particular Social in the worry that he might get their 33 9 June 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE THE WARDEN’S MUSIC SUNDAY 14 MAY, THE THEATRE

This year’s Warden’s Music was an immensely Freddie Tapner (F) and Rory Robinson (again) for enjoyable evening of orchestral, ensemble and providing the essential punctuation on percussion. individual performances presenting a wide-ranging The Brass Ensemble, after some very complicated repertoire with a little something for everyone. As now distribution of parts, gave us Gabrieli’s Canzon noni seems to be the tradition, the entertainment began with toni à 8. This mellifluous collection of brass the Pipers. A small tartan army of eight kilt-clad instruments yielded a stunning performance with two Radleians marched on, drones thrown over the left distinct voices, one echoing the other. Delicious shoulder and fingers busily going about their business harmonies came from the honeyed tones of trombone, on the chanters. Precision playing, brisk delivery and euphonium, trumpet and tuba and I think I may have stunning synchronicity at all times ensured a slick start seen Steven Keavy playing a flugelhorn. Despite the to the concert as the orchestra sat ready and waiting music ’s age, the boys engaged whole -heartedly in the for SDJC to arrive at the rostrum. Mussorgsky’s St performance. There were crisp entries, warm John’s Night on the Bare Mountain came next. harmonies and, as with all brass ensembles, occasional Inspired by a nightmare, brought on by a bout of heavy traces of that unmistakable sound, the colliery brass drinking and a lurid story by Gogol, the piece is a band. spine-chilling evocation of a witches’ Sabbath, including spirits, an appearance by Satan and a black Jamie Brown and Matthew Johnson followed with an Mass. The fourth horn desk is not the ideal position engaging duet for two pianos by Poulenc. from which to judge the performance but the L’embarquement pour Cythère was a triumph. Both atmosphere was thrilling as the orchestra dished it out pianists delivered with effortless authority high quality in large helpings while every now and then going hell- playing which was taut without being unyielding. The for-leather. Unfortunately the opening Lord of the music was intelligently articulated and the Rings-esque brass motif did not realize its full performance was buoyant and entertaining. The more dramatic potential, since the acoustics of the Theatre than assiduous page-tuners deserve recognition for were rather dry. Still, more than 50 members of the their invaluable silent contribution. College Orchestra filled the auditorium with the most Jonathan Williams (H) and Adrian Pascu (B) were tumultuous, bulging sounds, eerie tremolandos and the both lucky enough to have the Angell Piano Trio play far-off call of a church bell (Rory Robinson (F) on their compositions ‘inspired by Shakespeare’ but the tubular bells) as the hobgoblins and wizards receded. audience were even luckier to be present as it Here was cohesion, drama and excitement and the happened. There is something magical about hearing Orchestra acquitted itself admirably in a very music for the first time, and this was a high point in challenging piece. the evening for me. Both compositions were delightful Francis Forbes-Edwards (C) came on next with and thoroughly deserved the warm recognition from Mozart’s Concerto for Flute KV 313 and the Chamber the auditorium. Jonny’s Montagues and Capulets was Orchestra. This was a charming interlude after the particularly beguiling as the music ’s clever use of slithering horrors of Mussorgsky’s show stopper. The nuance and inflection – especially in the play between orchestra supported the soloist with a wide range of violin and cello – made the title seem highly dynamics and special mention must go to Andrew appropriate. The Angell trio then continued to delight Savill (G) and Jamie Hepburn (D) for their faultless the audience with Ravel’s Piano Trio; a wonderful horn playing amidst all those strings. Francis looked piece that shows off the composer’s talents for and sounded very much in control, his tone silvery and delicacy, intricacy and innovation. Jan Schmolck, liquid, and I particularly enjoyed the light and almost Richard May and Frances Angell held us spellbound feathery cadenza showing great skill and musicianship, as this enchanting composition unravelled before us. especially in leading the orchestra in the rallentando. F Social, winners of the Inter-Social Ensemble Then it was chocks away, silk scarf flapping in the Competition back in December took to the stage next breeze as we took to the air with Guy Gibson, Barnes to give us a reprise of Ain ’t Misbehavin’. This was Wallis and the Concert Band. Only the most flint- another memorable moment as seven talented boys hearted can deny a twinge of patriotism at the sound of made music together and clearly enjoyed the the Dambusters’ March. Simon Carr managed to experience. capture the atmosphere perfectly, there were whispers Still more winners next as Theo Whitworth (C) and of Ron Goodwin amongst the audience. I counted 11 friends, aka Barble Partisan, gave us Toothpaste and trumpets and need to include a special mention for Pillows [their CD is reviewed later in this issue]. I have just Googled (Douglas Coupland would be 34 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 9 June 2006 pleased) ‘Barble Partisan’ to see if I could shed some COMPLINE light on the name’s origin and I find to my delight that they have a web page at myspace.com/barblepartisan, CHAPEL, 19 MAY with sound clips and a list of future gigs – if you ‘From all ill dreams defend our eyes, missed the concert, log on and have a listen. Pelham from nightly fears and fantasies; and Theo sounded, to my ears, somewhere between tread under foot our ghostly foe, the Everly Brothers and Everything but the Girl. that no pollution we may know.’ The penultimate performance came from the college (from the Compline hymn Te Lucis ante Terminum) saxophonists with a stirring medley under SVC’s Friday evening, 9.05. Prep is over, the day is done, supervision. Shells to VI.2s playing Bass to Soprano bedtime looms. This is the time for Compline, the last instruments. Loads of talent and a very good of the eight hours, said or sung every evening in a performance. monastery. It is not, though, part of the liturgical Last but not least came the Radley Clerkes. Dreamy routine at Radley and is only sung once or twice a harmonies with a rich combination of voices from term. On May 19th the Compline Clerkes sang this some of the college’s most talented musicians. No service in English plainsong, with Robert Crabtree’s need for a note from the piano when you have SDJC (E) strong baritone voice singing the cantor sections. sitting on the front row. A quick la, la , la, la , and The echo in Chapel on this occasion seemed to last for Eleanor Rigby sprang to life followed by I want you, I longer than ever before, and you can work out from need you, I love you. Everyone goes a bit gooey at that the sheer weight of Radleians that flooded in – close harmony singing: the human voice has an ability yes, just five dedicated members of College (four boys to touch the musical soul inside the most unexpected and one don). It was a great shame for all the hard individuals. Combined with the music of Lennon, work that the Compline Clerkes had put into learning McCartney and Presley, we were putty in the Clerkes’ to read plainsong music, all for such a small hands, rounding off a delightful evening of music audience… but the acoustics in Chapel that resulted making. were superb. The advantage of the Theatre over the Silk Hall is that The singers were clearly well rehearsed and sounded transition from one piece to another is much smoother magnificent, and to quote from TMM, ‘the best sound and the seats are a lot more comfortable. However, I’ve ever got out of the Compline Clerkes’. Robert summer concerts will require some kind of air Crabtree’s voice really was outstanding in all the conditioning and it would be nice to see one of the responses, and when the others came in it sounded concert grands in the Theatre rather than a practice professionally monkish – short gaps between verses room upright. and spacious ones between each line is one aspect that was particularly noticeable. To round off the service, there was the first set of Lamentations of Jeremiah by Thomas Tallis, sung by an élite group of five. Ben Sheen (C) enchanted us with his wonderful counter-tenor; Alex Rose’s (C) and TMM glided over their tenor parts with clear elegance and poise, and Seb Lomas (H) and Robert Crabtree provided us with a solid and graceful bass line. A serene end to the day. So all in all, a good occasion, but to me it felt as though all that talent was wasted on such a small audience. It was a service which truly lent itself to quiet reflection at the end of the day and was a touching musical experience in itself. Maybe next time more people will give up their precious half an hour after prep to hear singing that you simply do not hear when just sitting in Chapel listening to the choir. The Chapel Choir are at the moment on excellent form, but the Compline Clerkes are something else entirely. The next Compline, will be sung in Chapel at 9.05 pm on Friday 22 June – all welcome.

35 9 June 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE THE SHELLS LAND IN NORMANDY A DON’S EYE VIEW 22-24 APRIL 2006 ‘—Sorry, I’ve brought my son’s passport by after our departure last year. Probably couldn’t take mistake...’ the pace. So there is a corner of some foreign sewage system that is forever Radley. I recalled my first Headmaster’s comment – on trips like this, colleagues are the main problem. Sunday: a bright day and we headed for Arromanches and the Mulberry Harbour. The Shells seemed to be It was 8 am at Portsmouth ferry port. I had been awake listening and were perhaps getting a sense of the sheer for four hours and had not eaten for twelve. Like a size of the Normandy landings. The staff of the woman in a story-book, many years ago, I coloured, Arromanches Museum gave me the look that doubted and was silent. He smiled. It was a joke. I suggested because I ran a school party I was probably think I remembered what jokes were like and they a granny murderer as well, but the talk was excellent. weren’t like that. Lunch was at the gun battery at Longues where I Five minutes later we had the reality of an out of date recounted the considerable exchange of fire between passport and an absent visa. The outdated passport was the guns and the British cruiser Ajax and the French not a problem; the missing visa was. A rapid exchange cruiser Georges Leygues. Afterwards, both ships of faxes occurred with the Bursary, I signed myself as claimed to have silenced the battery. For the Shells it Headmaster of Radley and we had enough paperwork was adventure playground stuff. The next twenty to get us all into France. minutes were spent watching the beginning of Saving Normandy XV had begun and it was difficult to Private Ryan as our next stop was the Omaha believe that we have taken almost two thousand cemetery. In the cemetery, silence is the order of the Radleians around the Normandy beaches. We brought day and that gave a sense of concentration and them all back too, though there was the occasion when reverence. Sixty Shells surprised themselves and one boy returned without an appendix. walked in silence. On Omaha Beach itself football and rugby were the orders of the day and silence was The first moments on the ship are usually filled with impossible to find. At the Pointe du Hoc the an odd sense of relief though Brittany Ferries both spectacular shell craters left by the battleship Texas are surprised and worried us by announcing that they had the obvious remains. I gathered the party in one of the prepared a karaoke session – just for us. That was a craters to give a sense of the size and power of the first and we settled down in the bar to watch the explosions and as I talked it was clear I was only just assembled talent of the Shell year strut their stuff. holding back the floodgates before the Shells Most of the songs were Beatles hits and it rampaged across the devastation. As I commented to soon became clear that the Shells just about knew the one of my colleagues, ‘You have to blame the tunes but the words were more complex than they teachers’. were used to. It did not stop them trying. Stars began to emerge (Church) and soon the rather inappropriate By St Mère Eglise the concentration levels were Celine Dion theme from Titanic was being roared dropping. It was time to return for supper. After across the open dance floor as a couple of budding supper we hit the bowling alley. Some parts of the break-dancers found parts of their bodies on which bowling alley were hit quite hard, though not usually they could pivot. As the session broke up a non- the skittles. Radleian dropped a jackpot and gathered an enormous Monday and off to Pegasus Bridge and the Gondree crowd of Shell well-wishers. Nice to see the pursuit of Cafe, the first building liberated in France on D-Day. the big buck is engraved upon the minds of the young. Mr Greed gave a gripping account of the glider Later one of the engines broke down and two hours landings and we moved off to the British cemetery at were spent doing figures of eight outside Oiustreham Hermanville. We had a minute’s silence and wondered harbour while the afternoon’s itinerary quietly found at the contrast between the violence of the fates of the its way into the waste paper basket. But the sun shone men buried there and the peace that abides now. and the DVDs played – all was well. The Museum of Peace at Caen was our final call. This At the Novotel the room allocation was quite easy is a fabulous museum built in the quarries that had (one feature of a trip that has occurred many times is contributed to a good proportion of the cathedrals of the constant comparisons with earlier journeys). A Europe and where the inhabitants of Caen sheltered in sadness concerned the goldfish called Radley (see the June 1944 as the city was systematically destroyed by Chronicle of 27 May 2005) – it had died quite quickly the RAF. By this stage the Shells needed something

36 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 9 June 2006 eye- and ear-catching to hold their attention and the demand is low and will ensure that there is sufficient Museum duly provided. food towards the end of serving time. The journey back allowed time for reflection. The 8. Greek yoghurt with chocolate sprinkles etc. JH explosives amnesty had produced one of the best hauls confirmed that these are on the menu cycle. for years – apparently mostly from one boy. Otherwise 9. Request for small pots of marmite and Philadelphia the Shells had been interested, positive and decently cheese portions. These are an occasional item because behaved. All sorts of people had complimented us on of expense. their behaviour. I wondered if we were just missing something (perhaps quite a lot) but the days passed on 10. Duty Social will choose the Friday supper menu our return and very few stories emerged to threaten the for that week. F Social to start. Social reps are to meet picture I’ve described. The trip works and it is one of JH at lunch on Monday to discuss their choice of the things that makes me realise what excellent menu. colleagues I have and what fundamentally interested 11. Packed meals. Social reps felt that these had and decent boys there are in the school. improved with the variety of sandwiches, rolls, JRS baguettes, etc. Water is preferable to juice. The length of time away from College can influence the choice of

contents of the packed meal. SMAC MEETING MONDAY 15 MAY, HALL 12. Pears were sometimes not ripe enough. This is very difficult to get right. Present: CRB, JH, Mr M Windeatt and reps from A, C, E, F, G and H Socials. 13. Late suppers on Saturdays. There was general discussion about this. CRB and JH will raise the issue 1. Minutes from last meeting read and agreed. in the next Tutors’ meeting. 2. Matters arising: Waste continues to shock. It CRB thanked JH for the hard work that he and his remains at 150 kilos a day. As a result therefore boys staff put in for all at Radley. should not take more than they need initially. 3. Themed meals. So far there has been an English supper and St George’s roast beef lunch. On May 25th ELECTRONICS COMPETITION there will be a Middle Eastern lunch, on June 15th a 2 JUNE, SEWELL CENTRE West Indian supper to coincide with the football v Trinidad and Tobago. Large screens will show the Every year, the Electronics Competition, held just football in Hall while boys are taking time out from after the Summer Leave Away, serves as an exhibition their Social television. On July 4th there will be a to Common Room and the rest of the College of College Barbecue. various coursework and Shell projects. This year’s competition was judged by Mr Edward Brocklebank 4. Brunch. There was discussion about the relative (OR, 1996), currently studying Marketing at Bristol popularity of brunch and roast lunch on Sundays. University after his BSc in Computer Science. Brunch proved to be more popular and there will therefore be brunch on 21st May, 4th June, 18th June Prizes were awarded to: and 2nd July. JH reminded the boys that though Alex Chadwick (H) for his AS coursework, a device brunch starts at 11.00am, three other main course that plugs into a computer, giving controls for iTunes choices appear at midday. and displaying information on the current track, 5. There followed a tasting of two soft drinks in case emails, RSS feeds and MSN messages. alternatives to coke might go down well in Socials. Of Josh Chew (D) for his Dog Door, a GCSE project that Hibiscus and elderflower pressé, the latter proved the decided and controlled whether your dog should be more popular gaining 5 votes to 1. allowed into or out of the house. 6. Pain au chocolat. Thanks were expressed for its George Ulmann (F), also for a GCSE project, a Binary welcome return to the breakfast menu. Teaching Aid to help the numerically slow amongst 7. There was a discussion about food running out at us. supper. It appears that there can be problems on Tim Nye (G), who had the best of the Shell projects, a Mondays and Fridays with boys coming back late Dicelott which this reporter is sure a few of you from games and finding a) that there is a reasonably remember making during your time in the Shells. lengthy queue and b) there was limited choice of food. JH explained that one counter shuts down when

37 9 June 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE WHY EVERYONE LOVES THE REMOVES ‘All right guys, it’s ten: cease whatever heathen jealous. If one does not have sophisticated, activity you are participating in, be quiet and go to unattainable tastes like drinking or being respected, the bed.’ This is inevitably followed by whining, high- Remove year, relatively speaking, is a laugh, and one pitched protests of, ‘but there’s only ten minutes left of vaguely frivolous holiday, camouflaged with a CCF Big Brother… Please! Please! Please! Can we finish inspection and the occasional Sc1. it?’ ‘No, you can’t finish watching trashy reality TV, Not only are we envious, but also nostalgic. For many, just get to bed or I’ll set you some menial task to do at the Remove year is one where we break the rules for 7:30 tomorrow’. ‘But you can’t do that, fagging isn’t the first time – as it was then, when we had the thrill of allowed any more – the inspectors said!’ What? subversion. We mouthed a profanity behind a prefect, Deliberate defiance? I vaguely point out that there are or even a younger don, we went to Oxford without a no inspectors present at this moment in time, and that chit, we threw chips at each other in Hall, we queue- I’ll do as I please until there are… barged at Wednesday supper, and, one night, we blew Finally there is rolling to the door accompanied by a fiver on a can of Heineken from a Sixth Former. And groaning, but instead of following instructions and we were never caught, and it was so much fun. pulling the door open, they start to push against it But are Removes completely useless? After all, they exhaustedly. One body after another collapses until a do serve as an excuse, and a collective scapegoat. Who pile of Removes is blocking their own, not to mention brought mud into Social? The Removes. Who played my, escape. ‘Guys, get up!’ ‘Cuthbert-Fisher, get off Who Let the Dogs Out during CCF parade? The the floor!’ ‘But fatty’s on top of me!’ ‘Get off him, Removes. ‘Sir, I can’t hand in my prep, a Remove ate and you, Smethwick!’ ‘My foot is trapped in the it.’ The owner of a residents’ hotel in one of Saki’s carpet!’ ‘MacGregor, get your chest up and free short stories employed a somewhat charmless lady so Craven-Smith’s foot from the bin…’ It is then that I that all the female residents’ mutual hate and must use all self-control to remain calm and disapproval being piled on her; in this way, the hotel composed; I fail, and end up bellowing in a manner – was kept happy and cohesive, united in disdain of the and a pitch – that would make the RSM proud, just to this poor lady. The Removes, I would suggest, fulfil a get them all to bed. Oh, well, at least one succeeds in similar function: as useful in keeping the peace as in the end… disturbing it. There certainly seems to be a long year of change Plus, they do keep the Shells in order; being no longer between the scurrying, eager-to-please Shells and the at the bottom of the food chain they exercise their new aren’t-we-mature Vths preoccupied with hard work. status on smaller beings who will not only collapse as Some claim the Remove year is a long holiday where a defence mechanism when approached but will one concerns oneself only with getting into Junior simply cease to exist if you deign Colts 1 or Oxford pubs – they to breathe nearby them. Or if a wouldn’t be far off – the teenage ‘…apart from Extreme peer has just trounced you at psychologists may say that it is Marking, Dons don’t have pool or tennis one may need only the development of something to force a Remove into a game called ‘con-fi-dence’, possibly that many thrills…’ and totally annihilate him to the result of not having ingested improve your spirits. Dons might benefit from this too; enough greens at supper. Anyway, this newly-found apart from Extreme Marking (a bit like Extreme confidence, plus one year of knowing the ropes (after Ironing but with red pens) and racing each other down having been hung upside down from them by the Covered Passage in trolleys when we’re not watching, previous year’s Removes), plus no examinations, plus dons don’t have that many other thrills. being over five feet tall, adds up to swagger, arrogance and an innate ability to reduce the Sixth Former on So, we have to conclude that the Removes are duty to quivering despair. essential – a stage that cannot be missed out, like the ugly wriggling larvae in the butterfly’s life cycle – but But, let us be honest, is this an adequate reason for understanding why they are there is quite different deep, vehement hate? I think we should be able to rise from understanding them en masse. Even so, ‘love’ is above such nonsense and not let trivial incidents a strong word even when meant sarcastically... it is disturb us too much. The problem may stem from the only a phase they go through. Everyone loves to hate fact that the activities the Removes indulge in – play the Removes, and it saves on sending callow VI.1 pranks, be bolshy, have fun – are the things we are far prefects on a toughening up course. too busy or mature to do; they live an id yllic life of idleness, not having AS levels or the latest English Next issue: Why Everyone Loves the Vths essay to worry about, and we are, quite frankly, 38 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 9 June 2006

AVOIDING SOCIAL BLUNDERS – A PARTIAL ALPHABET (PART TWO)

The origin of these thoughts was the Warden’s unless you can see ashtrays in the room you are discovery of a document with the same title which had strongly advised not even to ask). Never smoke during been given to boys at Abingdon School in the 1960s meals. and ’70s. Much of this has dated (‘On meeting people S is for Staying Away. Books could be written about take off your glove before shaking hands’) but it was this. The fundamental rule is Give a Present to your felt that a 21st century document on a few dos and Hostess. Flowers are traditional and easy, but if you don’ts would not be out of place. have the time for serious shopping look for something Standards change and what is correct etiquette for one relevant, e.g. another book by an author you have generation may be out of place for the next. But the heard her admire. need for good manners – what Kenneth Clark called

‘the ritual by which we avoid hurting other people ’s is for Thank You Letters. What follows is feelings by satisfying our own egos’ – is absolute. T written chiefly in the context of school ‘Good manners are largely based on consideration for situations. There are two separate issues – When to others’ was the opening remark of the Abingdon write and What to say. document, forty years ago. WHEN TO WRITE is for Mobiles which, difficult though it may be One simple rule is – when in doubt write. for you to accept, are generally considered to M No one ever takes offence at receiving an unexpected be vulgar and intrusive and thus should always have letter, but the absence of one which one had been their ring-tone turned off in public places or when you anticipating can cause problems. (Married dons are are with other people. particularly sensitive if they feel their wife should M is for Morning Dress (this is practical advice not a have been written to). rule of etiquette). The first time you go to a formal As a principle you should write if someone has spent a wedding do not hire a tailcoat from Moss Bros or the lot of time and trouble on you, or if someone has spent like but buy from them a second-hand one. It will not be long before your investment has paid off in terms of a lot of money on you. subsequent hire fees. Thus under the second heading you should always write to the bride’s mother after a wedding, even if Lastly, M is for Micturition (look it up). When you go you do not know her, and even if it was all done by out dinner do not fill yourself up beforehand with so much beer that you are constantly having to leave the caterers anyway. table. Under the first heading you obviously write if a meal

has been cooked for you. Different Tutors have different expectations about whether you should write after a ‘binge’. Some think you should; I think that if is for Pockets. Never walk into a room or any all one has done is to open the bottles and buy in some public place with your hands in them. P bread and cheese then there is no need. But in this case And P is for Polonius whose advice ‘Neither a (and indeed if you are writing as well) the next time borrower nor a lender be’ has never ceased to be valid. you see the host around College you should remember P is for Paying in Public. Don’t argue in public about to thank him or her. who pays, fix it up beforehand. If you are entertaining a lady who wants to pay her share the rule is that the WHAT TO SAY gentleman pays and the lady reimburses him privately. The fundamental point is that you must show you P is for Pink which should not be worn for hunting remember and are grateful for specific things about the when the Court is in mourning. (This gem I found event. Thus just to say ‘the food was absolutely recently in a 1920s novel). delicious and it was good to be with everyone, thanking you again’, though well-intentioned is really

pretty inadequate. Say something that shows a is for Smoking. Again this may be difficult for recollection of the cooking (‘I haven’t had such a S you to accept but most people of generations other superb lobster bisque since Cynthia and I were in than your own nowadays dislike or disapprove of this Amalfi in ’96’) and/or the company (‘it was habit. Thus when you are in someone else’s house you fascinating hearing James’s views on Lord Hutton’). must always say ‘Do you mind if I smoke?’ (and 39 9 June 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE You end ‘Yours sincerely’ and you start ‘Dear Mrs GUITAR PRIZE 2006 McPhail’ or ‘Dear Mr Rathbone’. Never ‘Dear Sir’. WEDNESDAY 24 MAY, SILK HALL Thank you letters are written with a flowing pen on a decent bit of paper and put in an envelope addressed to First of all, where were you all? This was a high Mrs McPhail or S. Rathbone, Esq. Never Mr Rathbone quality competition on a sensible night just before Esq. Leave Away, and hardly anyone turned up. Why? I’m baffled. Anyway, the few who did make it through the

is for… Zummary. The Abingdon document was rain to the Music School were very well served by Z written before the days of political correctness three sections: the ever-improving Classicals (with when the author could get away with expressions like other acoustic): messrs Wong, Little and McMeekin; ‘those of a different class’. Nowadays one has to be the electrics: Taylour, Bruce-Gardener, Backhouse and more circuitous. Radleians come from privileged Groom; and original composers: Barble Partisan, Dance and Holland, Barker and Montgomery and backgrounds and often go on to hold privileged Forbes-Edwards with Petty. positions. In general your courtesy to those whom you perceive to be older or senior to you is instinctive. Mikey Little (A) was awarded the Classical prize by Where the need for courtesy becomes paramount is nic e adjudicator Chris Stell for some vibrant flamenco when you are dealing with those in lower positions. Be and a bit of jazz. I’d have given him the prize just for especially careful to be polite at such times. his ‘ole!’ after the former. The standard gets better and better here – and as I’ve said before, there’s no fuzz CONCLUSION and pedals to hide behind. I enjoyed reminiscing with It is all very personal and there is no guarantee even Mikey’s elder brother Alex (now about 25) about that your parents would agree with all that is written Radley’s last death metal band, Ikonoklasm. The above. But the author hopes that it may be helpful. leader singer is, apparently, now a trainee accountant. Suggestions (via the Editors of the Chronicle ) for extra Three of the electricians were accompanied by backing letters of the alphabet, i.e. on Social problems you track, and all were proficient, ranging in material from have met where you would have been glad of some dirty blues to classic rock. AJ Backhouse (F) showed advice, will be gratefully received. off some particularly deft fretwork (his tapping worthy One last A is for Aggravate your male friends by of the great Dave Murray of Iron Maiden, his standing up whenever a lady leaves or returns to the harmonics more reminiscent of Brian May, table at a restaurant. methought), but Pelham Groom (E) carried off the prize, thanks to his live interaction with the rest of ‘A SENIOR DON’ Barble Partisan and his relaxed, understated performance in Food for Worms. The original compositions were varied in style. A new number (to me at least), These Knives, was a good, lively start from the Barbles, with some beautifully synchronised strumming allowing good stage posturing, and some nice vocals from Pelham and Theo Whitworth (C) being played off against each other. In contrast Nick Holland (B) and Tom Dance (H) were a beautifully understated electro-acoustic duo, Tom’s falsetto being shown off to good effect (his delivery being somewhere between Crowded House’s Neil Finn and a young Jon Nash). Barker (D) and Montgomery (H) provided a piece ‘so new it doesn’t have a title yet’ which was commended for its complicated tempo changes, while Francis F-E (C) revealed his song Drawn In was only written two days before. The adjudicator found this one very difficult to call, but gave it to Tom for the simplicity, melodic line and blend of lovely progressions. Once again Mrs M and her teachers have helped Radleians do some great things with their guitars and song-writing ambitions. I repeat, where were you all, you apathetic losers? ‘SAXUM DEUS’ 40 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 9 June 2006 H SOCIAL SUMMER CONCERT SATURDAY 20 MAY, THEATRE

This was the third H Social Summer Concert and Pennines during the performance. But my personal already there is a nice sense of tradition working itself favourite was the Sports Day scene from Waugh’s up – there’s always Ed Martineau’s booming Dave Decline and Fall (surely one of the shiniest gems in Edwards impersonation, a spiel from Doc Jim and English literature), admirably performed despite many drinks before, during and, judging by some of technical, ahem, issues. Ben James provided a very the faces the next morning, after. This year, though, good Dr Fagan, headmaster of that inauspicious public was bigger and better than ever. school, Llanabba, but Rory Mounsey-Heysham as A very good thing is that there are no great Lady Circumference stole the show. expectations and none of the horrible formality that Thirdly, the ridiculous costumes. The Bagpipers, for these occasions can lapse into. Nobody took example, appeared in polo shirts. Ed Martineau had themselves that seriously; glitches and hiati were met evidently broken into his Tutor’s wardrobe and dug with a laugh and a shrug; and the whole event was out a few sartorial skeletons; Tom Dance was leaning towards the horizontal. For example, the resplendent in linen, but Charlie Vey’s trend-setting innuendo-free Their Balls go Flying was punctuated combination of a ‘beater and suede shoes left some with golfers not being quite in control of their, ahem, puzzled. The Doc trumped this with his ridiculous wig round objects, while Jonny Willia ms’ third movement which, as one member of the audience pointed out, of the Moonlight Sonata was quite comical, because made him look like… someone else entirely. the gods had decreed it would have to be on an electric And then the campness, which seemed to have spread piano, which was not conducive to musicality. He from the top downwards. Henry Cartwright’s band had played the fiendish piece very well, and although a song about gay love; the Social’s rendition of that nobody could decree it one of his best performances, it ABBA great, Mamma Mia, was unforgettable, went down a treat. especially with DCKE’s choreographed moves, which I cannot hope to write exhaustively the whole shebang were followed with varying degrees of willingness by here: the concert started at seven and was still going his Social. But the camp highlight was the VI.2 Dance strong at half past eleven (including, I admit, a From Paris to Berlin. Mike Richards deserves to be considerable break for a picnic in Hall). But I can congratulated as much for his bravery as for his perhaps comment on a few themes throughout the considerable skill. Charlie Oliver was sublimely evening. The first must be musicality. From Myles ridiculous in a gold top. On seeing Archie Alexander- Watkiss’ ravishing violin solo, to Ben Rowse and Sinclair’s dancing, furthermore, one member of the DCKE’s rendition of Oh When the Saints on audience asked very loudly: ‘Does he have accordion, many items were both excellent and funny. Tourette’s?’ One small caveat: the dance required all Nobody without extreme hearing difficulties could to go topless, which was, in some cases, not the forget the Bagpipers or the Drummers. But the soaring prettiest of sights. Still, it was memorable. voices of Ed Hodgson and Tom Dance singing The fifth and final pervasive stream running beautifully were a very special part of the evening. I throughout the evening was informa lity. On the would be very surprised if one of them were not to programme no surnames were given; none were ‘make it big’ some day. Ensemble work was out in needed. The whole Social seemed to give off an air of force too, with a stunning version of Golden Brown as being very comfortable in each other’s company; they well as Social and Saxophone Ensembles belting out are a very close-knit bunch and it was most definitely familiar Big Band classics. shown that night. The laid-back-ness of the Sub- The second theme is showmanship. DCKE launched Tutors’ Song was evident, certainly far more so than shamelessly into self-parodies, as did Martineau: the the words. It was also lovely to see Archie Alexander- ‘Edwartineau-n boom’ seems to have taken hold in our Sinclair take to the stage in Tom Dance’s songs, and Head of School. JRS was aggressively Geordie with do nothing except for sit there, chill out to the music, his Hamlet in Novocastrian; his song about ‘getting and sip a beer… Such things are very important: aside blue blind paralytic drunk’ as the local pub burnt down from the music, showmanship, ridiculous costumes, was also much appreciated. Jimmy Donger and Ludo campness, and – let’s be honest – a very impressive Roupell were amusing in their dance too. Tom display of talent, perhaps the most fitting epithet of the McPhail and Adam Wolley performed the classic evening was, surprisingly, that given by Matthew Peter Cook/Alan Bennett sketch The Great Train Johnson (who with me was one of the many Robbery, drawing hoots of amusement from the gatecrashers – you can judge the popularity of a Social audience. The Python Four Yorkshiremen Sketch was by the number of them who pitch up): ‘Oh my God, funny despite some accents lurching across the it’s too sickening. They all get on so well together’. 41 9 June 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE TWILIGHT ORGAN RECITAL CD REVIEW: BARBLE PARTISAN MONDAY 5 JUNE, CHAPEL The World’s Worst Public Swimming Pool TMM inaugurated this year’s series of four twilight First, the non-musical bits. Barble Partisan is a recitals, beginning with a charmingly ornamented dreadful band name, following in the steps of The Vater Unser in Himmelreich (the Lord’s Prayer) by Zenith Band and the short-lived Circles with Corners. Bohm to cleanse the palette for what was to come… However, both of the above were serious propositions This year is the 50th anniversary of Borowski’s death. in aural terms so the moniker don’t really matter. In He was a little known Polish ‘fairly good’ composer, contrast, The World ’s Worst Public Swimming Pool is as TMM put it, and the Succentor this year is on a one- quite a cool conceit of a title, and the packaging, man mission to commemorate him. The First Suite in complete with grainy black and white mugshots of the E minor (no others were known to have been written) band in black suits, is very professional. consists of four movements. The Prélude, as you can Second, the songs. We’ve heard a couple of them live tell from the title, was in a pseudo-French style, using more than once, and have all been struck by their dramatic chromatic chord sequences and echo effects. freshness and vigour in gigs. On CD they’ve been Richly dark, it meandered through quite a few keys carefully mixed by Pelham Groom (E) and various throwing us off balance with some sudden changes, layers have been added – notably a bit of reverb and but setting a certain 1940s, not entirely serious, the suggestion of some string arrangements – but they Franglais tone, I thought. The dark Swell reeds were don’t feel overproduced in any way. This is a very on throughout, and I noticed that the Chapel, whose competent, well-balanced outfit that gel well and play echo has been much improved by the removal of the as a team, and this comes over on the record. orange curtain, threw back the middle registers more Things start well with Food for Worms, which is a than the high or low ones. rocky, well-structured number that starts with a The second movement was called Toccata but did not Paradise Lost-esque intro and builds to a distorted but conform to the French or Germanic style showpieces satisfying solo. In between Theo Whitworth’s (C) we are used to. It was light and frothy with a vocals get a good workout over the solid rhythm continuous running figuration on one of the manuals section provided by Peter Barker (D) and Charlie throughout. TMM built up the sound gradually and Macrae-Tod (C). If I have a criticism it’s that some of one could see him adding stops and couplers to the tempo changes are a bit abrupt, but this sounds achieve this. good and has some good lines, notably the catchy The Méditation (Élegie) was firmly French – a couplet ‘You’re a loser, that makes me happy.’ plaintive melody wound through, first on the oboe, Tracks two and three, the knowingly named All is well then the cromorne, and finally the trompette. A noble and Personality theft are worthy songs, but not as good choral struck up in the middle, and I though this as the opener. There’s plenty of variety and some nice, movement was of better quality that the others in its noisy moments, particularly on the former, where thematic material and relative lack of wandering harmonies, reverb and some very heavy grindy bits around. A strange mix of Brahms, Franck and come together at the end, but neither hangs together Whitlock, if that says anything to you. totally convincingly as an organic whole, and the The Marche Solennelle , by contrast, sounded like a latter’s vocals are a bit hard-going. Both would be fun Waltonesque WWII romp with the RAF about to hove live, I’m sure, but their shortcomings were a little into view any minute, but with its signature dah-dah- exposed in my sitting room. d’dah rhythm, it was hard to be very solennelle at all. However, the EP finishes even more strongly than it The organist was showing off his impressive technique starts with the truly excellent Toothpaste and Pillows. here, with lots of registration changes and some Rueful, wistful and witty in its lyrics, haunting in its impeccable pedal trills. refrain, this is proper writing performed with We heard the organ being put through its paces very sensitivity and subtlety, as well as energy and skilfully by the musician who knows it best. It was in precision. Theo muses his way through a bad party, quite good voice but it is no fault of the player that this ably abetted by Pelham’s guitar and note-perfect beast is incapable of providing the ‘thrill factor’ that harmonies. There are some extra layers on top of the you may have experienced in a church, chapel or spare live version, but it doesn’t sound cluttered. Like cathedral with a decent instrument, or even enough all good songs it also knows when to stop. Even my volume to overwhelm the small but enthusiastic crowd mum was impressed by this one, and she trained as a up in the Gallery. music teacher and sings in a choir. This is a really decent song. The next recital will be given by LB on Monday 19 June at 6 pm with Pimm’s in Chapel Quad afterwards. Overall, the boys can be proud of this EP. Don’t miss them live. ‘FERRA VIRGO’ 42 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 9 June 2006

RICHARD III – A DIRECTOR’S VIEW A LEVEL DRAMA PIECE, 23 FEBRUARY, STUDIO THEATRE While Shakespeare rewrote history for Richard III, ‘Have mercy Jesu! – Soft! I did but dream’ subsequent productions since the play’s revival in the ‘I am too childish foolish for this world.’ 17th century have rewritten Shakespeare. It is both the The first line is from the nightmare speech; the second complexity of the Wars of the Roses faction politics as from Henry VI Part III. Combined they give Richard a imagined by Shakespeare and – in gentle paradox – haunted vulnerability throughout the production, a the returning to the spirit of the original text (albeit condition normally only achieved at the end of the with considerable cuts and alterations) that inform our play.) production’s interpretation. Despite making both sweeping and forensic cuts we The play remains vibrant with villainy in performance hoped to return the play to an echo of its original as Shakespeare foregrounds Richard, Duke of faction focussed complexity. We also hoped that by Gloucester – a main player in his earlier Henry VI doing so the audience will be watching the trilogy – and shines a torch onto the deformed duke’s protagonist’s last moments by the 55th minute! To psychopathic murder spree, ostensibly to acquire the help both our young all-male cast (although the throne but actually, as Shakespeare implies, to take original boy player taking the role of Anne would have brutal revenge on a brutal world. been younger (we are all male out of necessity rather ‘But I, that am not shaped for sportive tricks than a desire to echo original performance Nor made to court an amorous looking glass…’ conventions)) and our mostly schoolboy audience we The challenge for this production was to find a balance did not just cut, but filleted the text. In some cases we between the play’s considerable political have rewritten – apologies to purists. Sometimes the machinations, the dynastic power struggle of the Wars syntax is so wilfully twisted of the Roses, and the role of Richard himself. There is ‘…Intend some fear. a cold political necessity to all Richard’s killings. Be not you spoke with but by some mighty suit.’ Unless this necessity was established through the (Buckingham, III, vii) characters themselves being given dramatic life, the play would have lacked dramatic tension. If, for and the language so complex example, Richard’s brother Clarence (Jamie Laing ‘More direful hap betide that hated wretch (B)) and his wife Anne (Oliver Johnston (H)) and the That makes us wretched by the death of thee.’ two princes in the Tower (Ed Smalley (H) and Hugo Thorp (G)) were given space and context to establish (Anne, I, ii) themselves then they become fully part of the world of that we have inserted key words and characters names the play, with anxieties and ambitions beyond to help the actors deliver the line and the audience stay Richard’s own. Their sudden and violent demise is with the plot. therefore all the more powerful. Otherwise productions depict a macabre almost metaphysical With 45 named characters doubling up was essential scenario whereby Richard’s antics seem like evil (we have a cast of eight). However playing more than stand-up comedy, so little do his victims have a chance one role is not just done for reasons of practicality, it to live before they are despatched, as if he was also forces the audience to make connections between operating alone in a Beckett-like nightmare world of characters, no matter how diverse, played by the same puppets and delusions. actor. We thought carefully about what set of characters each actor should play, finding common We alluded to this sense of delusion by opening the strands of fate and dramatic irony running between production with the final battle scene (V, v) them as a result. For example, Ed Smalley was one of intermeshed with the nightmare scene of the night our three Richards and the voice of his most politically before the battle (V, iii) in which Richard dreams that significant victim, the young Prince Edward. Ed also he is visited by the ghosts of his victims. However, by plays Tyrell, the murderer of the princes, in the having these ghosts visit Richard in our production on production’s darkest moment. Therefore all the actors the field of battle, as opposed to in his sleep, we are asked to inhabit very different characters, and deal implied that they have a direct and devastating impact with their contrasting styles of language, and so see upon him. Therefore even in death we established the play from several points of view. these characters presence in the play. We could not resist however ending the ‘opening’ battle scene with The monumental role of Richard himself we divided these lines from Richard’s famous nightmare speech among three actors. Chris Craig-Harvey took the (V, iii): famous ‘Now is the winter’ speech (I, ii) building to the imprisonment of Clarence. Ed Smalley took over 43 9 June 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE for arguably one of the greatest acting challenges in all course, this is nothing new. We simply tried to achieve of Shakespeare: the seduction of Anne over the coffin what Thomas Platter observed the Chamberlain’s Men of her father-in-law Henry VI, who Richard murdered do at the Globe in 1599 in which he saw the original in Henry VI Part III. Harry Mayes (G) assumed the production of Julius Caesar ‘…played fast on a bare role along its path between politics and violence as wooden stage’. Richard’s power grows. Chris returned for Richard’s STEFFEN COLLINGS achievement of power and the first hectic scenes on the throne and Harry took over again for the final drive to Bosworth and the scenes of Richard’s introspection SOCIAL SUDOKU as the pressure mounts and the ghosts crowd in. We Normal Sudoku rules apply, except that in this puzzle found in rehearsal and in early runs that Ed’s Richard the numbers 1 to 9 are replaced by letters representing shadows the production and symbolises the plays the Socials, with O for Orchard House. Each 3x3 box, moral extremes, with innocence represented by his each column and each row must contain each of the voice of Prince Edward and calculated violence with letters once. his characterisation of Tyrell. You need to solve some of the clues below to tackle the A word on the design and its symbolism. Theatre is a puzzle: with no clue letters entered, the problem, we visual as much as an aural medium. We wanted a think, is insoluble, but with all 10 answers, Sudoku stark, striking yet simple visual process for the masters will find the solution to be relatively simple. murders. We did not want actors pretending to stab So, the more clues you solve, the easier it gets… each other on stage, although that does in fact form part of Clarence’s method of despatch. Our design Puzzle no. 2 CHRONICLE RATING: TOUGH accepts from the beginning that the audience are aware 1 2 of actors telling a story through the illusion of place B and character. Theatre has long ago left behind any desire to simulate ‘reality’. By using the imagery of a D A G E mass of red ribbon ‘life lines’ hanging down from the 3 4 flies just above the actors heads filling the air, (each one either dangling and surviving or being plucked down and representing a character’s death), we wanted C O G to embrace the self conscious theatricality of the piece. The design idea was inspired by Richard’s line: ‘Tut, E 5 6 C were the crown further off I’d pluck it down.’ (Our aluminium crown also hangs on one of these red 7 threads.) In our version this line was spoken by Chris G B E Craig-Harvey (C) in Act 1, Scene I but it was itself 8 plucked from Henry VI Part III. We also attempted to F establish with this riot of red ribbon imagery the 9 poignancy and vulnerability of lives hanging by a C H E thread. 10 However, it was with the delivery of the language that F G this production was primarily concerned. Clarity of diction; thorough understanding of text and subtext CLUES (i.e. character); observing line structure; ‘cue biting’ creating a driving sense of urgency. The language is Which social (including Orchard House)... after all not our own; it is a new dialect for the actors. 1 ...occupies the old Infirmary? Shakespeare and his contemporaries filled their text 2 ...has a famous annual ‘Christmas Party’? with clues as to how the actor should perform it, quite 3 ...had its first Tutor in 1881? major clues actually, such as line structure and word 4 ...contains Croome’s Tower? order, establishing a kind of performance grain or code 5 ...contains what was originally ‘Long Dorm’? which we tried to follow. The language had been our rehearsal’s concern and this production’s primary 6 ...possesses a red telephone kiosk? means of expression. (It has to be when musically we 7 ...was CRB the Tutor of? open with Supergrass’s Richard III…). Our aim in 8 ...has a mascot lion called Seymour? performance was to create an actor-focussed, furiously 9 ...is (allegedly) the most energy efficient? concentrated ensemble. The entrances and exits should 10 ...was MJSH the Tutor of? have flowed like dance – indeed in rehearsal we were always working on the choreography of the show. Of 44 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 9 June 2006

CORRESPONDENCE Correspondence is invited from interested parties: please send contributions via email to [email protected]. Correspondents are welcome to use a pseudonym but must make their identity known to the Editors. To the editors of ‘The Radley College Chronicle ’ Dear Sirs, a longer break to those not doing exams, and helping them to come back more cheerful, while giving a time I find that there are few pleasures in my daily routine greater than strolling into supper not long after half solely dedicated to revision to the exam candidates. past six, choosing one of the main course gourmet Yours, ‘options’ available to me and being able to enjoy it ‘TIRED REMOVE’ under the watchful gaze of old Wardens and duty dons alike. Dear Sirs, However, I feel that a true enjoyment, and more While I am absolutely the last person to suggest that importantly than this, appreciation, of my food is 1st team sportsmen at Radley deserve any privileges or being somewhat hindered in the rather over- special protection, I did feel the last Chronicle ’s blitz enthusiastic attitude most of these duty dons take in on Bigside cricket was a bit harsh for the following ejecting boys from Hall before Chapel. As I remember reasons: from Julian’s introductory talk in the Shells we have 1. The publication dates mean such an attack is twenty minutes until Hall closes from when the unanswered for several weeks. kitchens stop serving food (at a quarter to seven), and 2. It seems unreasonable to put more pressure on as it says in the calendar supper ends at 7:05, so why named Vths in the side while the author pens his lines do most dons insist on trying to kick everyone out at under the protection of anonymity. about five to? It just means that one is forced to mill around in Covered Passage until Chapel begins in 3. Had it escaped the author’s notice that the side earnest and unable to remain seated in Hall for a few contains only one returning colour? Vths or Sixth more minutes and pass the time in idle conversation. Formers alike are likely to struggle without a bigger So please duty dons, are a few more minutes too much core of seasoned players than that. to ask? 4. The logic that each individual Vth is the best man Yours faithfully, for the job but collectively their selection is a mistake seemed a little hazy – and we all know that good form Jake Cheetham against other schools’ second teams doesn’t A Social immediately equate to the potential to succeed against

Dear Sirs, first elevens. After coming back after a half term that felt like it had I enjoyed the scene-setting at the start of the piece and only just started, I believe that it would be a good idea am delighted to see people getting on with the to let Leave Away continue until Sunday evening for business of writing articles in general, so keep up the good work overall. Just make sure they’re Shells, Removes and VI.1s and leave Vths and VI.2s scrupulously good! to come back on Wednesday evening, to revise without the interruptions of years not taking public Yours, exams. This would hopefully please everyone, giving IKC 45 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 9 June 2006 CRICKET: REPORTS IN BRIEF Bigside turn for the worse against Marlborough. Having lost a couple of key players to Bigside they were weaker in Against Stowe skipper Fred Moynan (B) won the toss both the bowling and batting departments. Radley and elected to bowl first. After a good opening spell bowled first again and did well to restrict Marlborough from George Cave (C) the Stowe batsmen settled in, to 155 for 7. The chase was on track most of the way finding scoring relatively easy on yet another flat in terms of runs required in the number of overs Radley wicket. The tide was turned in the half hour however Radley were losing wickets too frequently before lunch when Jos North (B) claimed a couple of and ran out of them 16 runs short. wickets and George Coles (G) claimed one. At lunch Stowe were then 108 for 4. After lunch the Stowe 3rd XI batsmen played with no real sense of urgency with the After the disappointment of having the Bradfield purpose just to bat until Radley got them all out. match rained off, the 3rds were eager to get playing Wickets came at regular intervals with Jos North (B) against Stowe. Radley batted first, as they seemingly rounding off his first five wicket haul. Stowe declared always do, and reached 200 for 7 off their 35 overs then on 240 for 7 leaving Radley a seemingly with inspirational skipper Ollie Meade-King (H) impossible run chase in just over 40 overs. The task whacking a Pietersen-esque 92 off what seemed like was made even more difficult by the fact that they, half as many balls, including a couple of giant sixes. when Jack Tyrwhitt Drake (E) and Moynan were There were also notable contributions from Tom going strong, placed five men on the boundary even Kenning (G) and Harry Jennings (G). Radley were though Radley still needed over 150 runs to win. The simply electric in the field. Meade-King’s placements match petered out into a draw... were spot-on and a couple of brilliant catches from A re-arranged match, due to heavy overnight rain in James Pinnington (E) and Barney Reekes (A) meant the usually sunny and beautiful market town of Stowe were all out for 101. Richard Scott (B) was the Marlborough, began at 2 o’clock with Marlborough pick of the bowlers claiming three wickets, with able batting first. Johnny Stanton (B), making his debut, assistance behind the stumps from Radley’s most and George Cave bowled tightly in their opening spell. prolific bail-whipper, Ivan Yim (C). Even makeshift After that the batsmen seemed settled and the runs bowler Pinnington took a wicket in his one-off over. began to come more easily. Marlborough batted intelligently but if Radley had perhaps taken a few 4th XI more of the chances that came their way then they Rain and scheduling have combined to deny the 4th XI would have been quite a way of the 210 for 4 achieved any matches since the last issue. in 40 overs. A good opening partnership of fifty plus between Henry Bailey (E) and David Wynne-Griffith Colts 1st XI (D) set a solid foundation for the Radley run chase. Against Stowe Radley batted first and put together a However, disaster struck as Radley lost three quick good innings of 194 for 6. Several players contributed wickets and the match was lost from their momentary and a string of decent partnerships were the hallmark grasp. The Radley batsmen never really got back in the of it. Will Pritchard (A) and Toby Vernon (B) had 40 game as a combination of tight bowling and poor apiece and top-scored. Stowe never properly decisions by Radley batsmen resulted in a threatened Radley’s total and were bowled all-out for Marlborough win. The game was marred by a freak 124 with Jack Mendelssohn (E) continuing his fine incident during the match when the Marlborough no. 3 form with his first five-wicket haul of the season. returned to the dressing room after being dismissed. However things weren’t so rosy against Marlborough Having thrown his bat and kicked his bag, he punched where Radley bowled first. The seamers lacked a window in the door. Realising his foolishness, he consistency, failed to make frequent breakthroughs notified an on-hand matron and was whisked off to the and didn’t restrict the flurry of runs. The batting JR for stitching with his reputation, like the window, performance was good but Marlborough’s 161/5 in shards… proved 11 too many as Radley came up short with 150 Secondside all out with Vernon again making runs, this time 35. The most consistent senior side in the school Colts 2nd XI continued their good form in the match against ‘Nail-biting’ is the best way to describe Colts 2s Pangbourne. Bowling first, Radley swept their narrow victory over Stowe, actually… Batting first, opponents aside and took all 10 wickets for just 39 Radley put on 138 for 8. Stowe’s run-chase was on runs. This target was passed with ease and just a single course but, as is so often the case in schoolboy cricket, wicket was lost in the attempt. However things took a 47 9 June 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE wickets were the problem. As they drew closer to Junior Colts 3rd XI Radley’s total their tail began losing their composure and they came up just 8 runs short. Another fairly JC 3 have only played one match since the last issue nervy game against Marlborough followed. Radley but what a thrilling game it was. Having lost the toss batted first and produced an impressive 176 for 8. As they bowled first and restricted Stowe to 118 all out it turned out this was too early a declaration as Radley with Archie Stirling (G) taking out off, middle then leg only managed to pick up five wickets when bowling stumps for his three wickets. Radley’s challenge began however, in their defence, the total had to be sufficient badly as the top five all fell with only 32 runs on the so as to not lose the game. The Marlborough middle - board but Guy Chalk (C) and Alex Barrow (A) scored order held firm and they finished on 118 for 5 so the the rest in memorable fashion. match was drawn. The size of the target will have Junior Colts 4th XI changed their mental approach and forced them to hold out for a draw. JC4’s mixed season has continued in good fashion. The only match they played since the last issue was Colts 3rd XI away at Winchester when Radley, batting first, put on Having begun the season in immensely poor style, a sizeable 157/5. Henry Hoyer-Millar (D) 47, Will Colts 3 have turned it around. Just over a fortnight Garnock (B) 30, Duncan Wilson (G) 33 were the earlier Radley had lost to Marlborough (away) by a protagonists of the innings and most others who had a staggering 138 runs. Home advantage showed as bat chipped in too. Ed Lyle (G) led the bowling attack Radley batted first, having bowled first last time, and brilliantly as he took four wickets in leading the side to they put on an enormous 242 for 6 with Charlie Wood a 41 run victory: Winchester were bowled all out for (E) leading the innings in emphatic form scoring a 116. brilliant century. He was ably assisted by Ben Midgets 1st XI Macnaghten (F) and Henry Colburn (E) who scored 62 and 30 respectively. Macnaghten was exceptional with Midgets 1 have fallen victim to the weather recently the ball too, he took 4 wickets and Hugo Smylie (H) but they did get a match at home against Stowe. picked up three. The whole team, including the keeper Radley batted first and very convincingly with Nick Harry Kershaw (D), bowled an over – a true team Ramsay (A) and Ollie Hext (E) scoring 53 and 50 effort. Credit should go to CMB and RAK for turning respectively. Perhaps they went on too long as they things round there. then failed to bowl Stowe out despite getting off to a fast start. Thanks to good work from Ramsey and Junior Colts 1st XI Charlie Goodwin (F) who each claimed 3 wickets Against Stowe Radley batted first and were perhaps Stowe stood at 13 for 6 after 10 overs. Everything slightly disappointed to put on only 149 all out. The from then on seemed blocked and only one more bowlers, though, did their job to good effect. They wicket was taken before the end of play so the match managed to take six of Stowe’s wickets leaving them was drawn, disappointingly. Despite this , the moral resigned to playing out for a draw. At the end of play victory belonged to Radley since they were the they’d built up 114 runs and so the match was drawn. dominant side throughout and the rain played a part in Against Marlborough, I’m afraid, they were simply assisting the Stowe middle and lower order. outplayed. Radley stuttered to 69 all out with no-one Midgets 2nd XI managing to make a recognisable contribution. The bowlers laboured well, taking 4 wickets for their toil; Radley’s most midget pitch, Death Row, played host however Marlborough reached the target of 70 with to Midgets 2’s match against Pangbourne. Radley reasonable ease. batted first and racked up a weighty 174 all out with Will Eden (B) making superb 81 n/o and Mr Extras Junior Colts 2nd XI earning the second top score. Pangbourne never Pangbourne usually provide little resistance however threatened that total and were 7 down as Radley playing against their JC1 side, Radley’s JC2 struggled. simply ran out of overs. Harry ‘John’ Sparks (B) took Radley amassed 129 for 9 off their 30 overs with Tom three wickets in vain but Pangbourne held firm and Buys (E) 34, Sam Gundle (H) 21 and Giles Bromley- played out for the draw. Martin (G) providing the only resistance to a strong Midgets 3rd XI bowling attack. Only Dominic Jerram (F) managed to make any serious inroads with the ball as he collected Midgets 3 have also been affected by much wet divine 3 wickets of the 7 taken. They passed Radley’s score intervention. They did get a game away at Stowe after 26.4 overs leaving Radley considering the cheap which ended in narrow defeat. Radley batted first and wickets given away; the total was just too small to the majority of the side failed to get going except defend. skipper Tom Lambert (E) who battered his way into 48 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 9 June 2006 the 40s; they finished on a defendable 101 all out. In leaves he should be re-appointed as an assistant coach the field Radley had chances to win; Rupert Baynham of Bigside. The latest hapless opponent to be brushed (B) put a simple one down but later made up for it by aside was Stowe. With SMC’s philosophy being ‘If we catching a far harder one. With the ball it was Henry win the toss I think that it is a good policy to bat first,’ Wilson (A) who made an impression as he collected they won the toss and followed this dictum. They three excellent wickets. posted a strong 145 all out with Charlie Liddle (C) scoring a nervous but determined 41. However it was Midgets 4th XI the bowling performance that this match will be Not enough praise can justly be thrust upon Mr Steff remembered for. Stowe were knocked over for just 32 Collings for the fireworks he is lighting through all out. Nick Falconer (C) was like an eagle (geddit?) Mid gets 4’s season, not that he’d reject a single ounce in the field, being responsible for two fantastic run- of it. His rousing team talks and cunning tactics have outs. Also Tom Windsor Clive (A) did very well on inspired them to another landslide victory. After he his debut for M4 after being promoted. What a season. ROWING: REPORTS IN BRIEF 1st VIII a performance similar to what they were accustomed to last year. From the beginning of the year the 1st VIII knew that it was going to be a long hard struggle if we were On arrival at the National Water Sports Centre at going to make it as a serious contender. Coming into Nottingham we were faced with a strong cross-head the sprint season we still had a long way to go and we wind that was similar, but not as extreme, as the knew that it would have to be a rapid ascent. At the conditions that cancelled the event last year. Wind is Head of the River we were well off the pace – never surprising at Nottingham when you consider finishing 55 seconds after the winners in 16th position. that, before the rowing lake, the land was rejected for an airport because... it was too windy. Hmmm. After a hard training camp in Bañyoles we returned ready for the sprint season. The first regatta was Having narrowly scraped through the heat to the Wallingford, we knew the competition was going to be repechage, we drew lane 2 and once again we found fast and we needed to prove ourselves. Unfortunately ourselves lined up next to Eton – this time it was our the day did not go to plan and our ambitions of being turn to win... We needed to be in the top three to get up there at the top were quashed in the time trials. The through to the final, but unfortunately it was not to be: day was made worse by a sudden illness on the way up the conditions got the better of us and with a brave to the start, and reluctantly we turned round and attempt we failed to get through. The story was very headed back, not able to show what we could do. similar the next day in the fours. At Bedford we were entered as two fours and an eight We now have three weeks until Henley and anything so there would be a good chance to get some proper is possible; let’s hope that we can get it together for racing in. The day got off to a fine start with both the the PE at the end of term and finish the season on a heavy and light fours getting through the first round high. easily despite the miserable conditions. However the 2nd VIII challenge of the day was Eton. Not only had both the fours been drawn up against the mighty Eton fours, in Having put a fairly unfruitful head season behind the first round of the eight we had also drawn the Eton them, the 2nd VIII emerged from selection in Spain VIII. Unfortunately they proved just out of our grasp having done some good work and with a newfound in all three races and we narrowly lost by a length in confidence for the sprint season. In training at Radley each despite a lot of grunting by certain members of technical details were picked up fast and the crew the boat. found a ‘togetherness’ that further boosted morale. Wallingford Regatta turned out to be disappointing in We knew there was still some way to go if we wanted the results yet some good lessons were taken away to be on the podium of Nat Schools so over the next from the day. During the subsequent week of training, two weeks every minute of our spare time was spent Chris Sykes (B), an asset to the crew in his strength on weights, ergs or the water under the expert eyes of and motivational skills, was forced to pull out of the Donald Legget and Andrew Gordon-Brown. We squad with a recurring back injury and was replaced seemed to have an exponential rate of improvement by one of the 3rd VIII men waiting in the wings, and it looked like we might just peak in time for Nat Francis Forbes-Edwards (C). Schools. Having yet to have received any pots and the possibility of be ing ridiculed in front of the wider The following weekend was the BASHER races where rowing community the crew was determined to put in all crews faced a 1900m time trial followed by two 49 9 June 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

1500m races. The time trial drew Radley next to hot So on the Saturday we only rocked up at Bedford at rivals Abingdon and before they boated a change of three in the afternoon when the weather was doing its plan was instigated in which the crew were to ‘go nuts best to put an end to the world. As ever, rowin g at 500m and hang on...’. This went well, and we won ignored what the forces of nature were up to and we by a length. rigged the boat. Paddling down to the start was jerky – The next race was dominated by the same tactic and this was another scratch crew and the first real saw the 2nd VIII win in a photo finish against a exercise we had done in two weeks. surprised Abingdon 16/1. Bedford Regatta was However we made it down in time without capsizing, approached with confidence and saw the 2nd VIII which cons idering the circumstances was really very reach the final of the 2nd VIIIs competition whic h was good. Attention... Go! We set off, frantic. Water was won by Eton (some say owing to a problem with a going everywhere and the boat going nowhere. jammed seat). Having already qualified for the 2nd Pangbourne had left us standing. Half a minute into VIIIs final Radley decided to gear up for this event the race the cox box (the microphone thing that the and was consequently knocked out of the senior 4 short person steering the boat shouts abuse into) broke, event in the semi-final. guaranteeing that no one knew what was happening. The two weeks building up to Nat Schools were Somehow – I maintain that it was divine intervention – coloured with some classy rowing from the crew as a we managed to catch up with Pangbourne. We lost by only half a length, probably due to the fact that no well-oiled unit. The 2nds were woken up at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning faced with a deity was powerful enough to make us win that race. ‘processional’ in which three crews were to be The day had been a disappointment and it appeared eliminated before the day’s racing started in earnest. that the 3rd VIII was to be no more. But there was a They rowed well but the semi-finals then proved less glimmer of hope, a couple of Vths and one incredibly of a challenge than expected and provided the crew keen and athletic individual agreed to join in the fun. with a touch too little confidence in the final. Radley Under the intense training of Dr McMahon and drew a poor lane for this final in terms of conditions Professor Legget the crew picked up significantly and and were left behind by the pack in a slugging match after four whole outings together, crew members were with King’s Chester. The result was Radley beating expecting a shiny new medal. The race at Nat Schools Chester over the finish coming in at 5th place. Re- was some of the best rowing the 3rd VIII had done; grouping in conjunction with some hard training even so, the lack of training, fitness and an unlucky should provide the 2nd VIII with a more productive lane draw lost us the race – a good two lengths of clear end to the season. water behind the winning crew. THE GENTLEMEN’S VIII Where the crew will go from here is anyone’s guess. People may be urged to train harder than ever before The Gentlemen of the 3rd VIII have been a source of or they may be so fed up with their lack of much inspiration and glory at the Boat Club. The achievement that they give up. Either way the opening race of the season at Wallingford was lost likelihood of attending more regattas is slim. The 3rd magnificently – several lengths behind the 2nd VIII. VIII’s performance this season so far has been The next, far greater still, included various crabs and unspectacular, like much of the rest of the club, and it even more humility. Performance really went downhill seems over the next half a renewed effort is needed from there. The senior squad suffered several injuries from us all to pull Radley rowing from the abyss. and various rowers decided their talent was needed elsewhere. This resulted in a Shell being conscripted J16s in sheer desperation for the looming event. This year has seen an exceptionally mixed season for Needless to say, this was not conducive to success. the Colts. The head races saw many successes for the During the first race we fell in the wake of Eton’s 3rd crew with a win at Wycliffe, a double win at Reading VIII and in the second race we narrowly overtook and only four seconds denied us the Schools’ Head. Abingdon’s Colts B in the last 150 metres, beating However, comfortably ahead of last year’s rivals, them by a mere foot. Following this, several of the Eton, we left for the Easter camp with hopes for a previously mentioned departed ‘volunteered’ (having successful summer. received several emails threatening those dearest to The Bañyoles camp for 16/1 was set back by a malady them) to come back for Bedford regatta. In true 3rd of the unshakeable JleM; we entered the summer term VIII style, there was a general consensus that to and Wallingford Regatta rather underprepared, not practise that week would not be sporting. The helped by the illness of Henry Woodward-Fisher (G). Gentlemen thought they might give other crews a After a resounding defeat in the first round of the J16s, chance at some ersatz silverware. we led the novice final until the last few lengths when 50 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 9 June 2006

St Paul’s rowed through us to win. It seemed that a engendered a push for the line. Final: Embankment miracle would be needed to catch the blisteringly fast station. Expected to be nip and tuck – it was! Bedford Eton boat. attacked stagger off start and levelled at 100m with At Bedford we came up against Eton, and despite much of the bend in their favour still to come. Radley leading them until halfway, no amount of screaming fought all the way, a gutsy performance. Verdict – a from Humphrey Maddan (C) could close the gap they canvas, the wrong way! One of the best races of the quickly opened to win by a length. Only about an hour regatta at any level. Boys could not have done more on later, we raced Pembroke College, Cambridge in the the day. Still on the way up... novice final, and, shattered from five earlier races, we At Nat Schools’, the first boat had a disappointing day, lost by mere inches. So far it appeared that bad luck being outrowed in a very fast heat to miss out on the had denied us several victories. Semis. At National Schools we hoped our luck was about to 14/2 change, however, after coming third in our heat, victory seemed dubious. At which point we learned Bedford Regatta: it had been a hard couple of weeks that bow, Max Rendall (B), had been ill for the last since Wallingford. Technically, we focused on getting few days and having struggled to get through the heat the extra inches at the beginning and at the end of the could not row in the final. Fortunately, help came in stroke. Tactically, we worked on our stride and our the form of Jamie Spotswood (A) and, inspired by new pushes to cope with the needs of a race. Physically, we life, we raced what was arguably our best race yet to have done lots of unpleasant overloaded training with achieve fourth place, narrowly missing out on a medal, insufficient recovery in order to develop lactic acid a very respectable result given the circumstances. tolerance. So we knew two things when we lined up against Bedford 14/2 that Saturday: Plagued by illness, we have seen a distinct lack of pots this term. Nevertheless 16/1 has had a successful 1. the race could not be any more painful than season and with another three regattas left there is yet Monday’s outing time to allow us to prove what a formidable crew we 2. Monday had been so painful we were not going to really are. accept defeat! J15s Drawn on the inside, with the stagger against us, the crew’s composure was tested. A good start and a The strains of victory are still reverberating around the strong push through the bridge put us on terms and we Remove rowers this weekend after a remarkably started to move through the Bedford octo. Roused by successful National Schools’ Regatta during Leave the tremendous support at the Radley tents, we moved Away. 15/1 had their work cut out after qualifying for out to 3/4 length to qualify for the final. There had their final as the slowest of the six boats. The big race been some confusion as to whether we had raced 14/2 brought out the best in them as they took the lead from or 14/3 from Bedford, but it turned out that we had the front, wiping all opposition bar Eton out of the beaten their 14/2 and were to race their 14/3 in the race. A nail-biting battle between the two had them final. This was almost a carbon copy of the first race, come in a very respectable second. 15/2, not to be except that we had clear water at the finish and rather outdone, found great speed in their heat, only to bla st broader grins! An outstanding effort, yielding away what opposition was left by the final and romped Radle y’s only silverware of the day and almost home with a gold; that makes them, officially, the best continuous post race analysis for the duration of the J15 second crew in England – feel free to congratulate hour and a half coach ride home. them. At Nottingham the 2nd boat – so often the one with 14/1 the most hopes riding on it – cruised through the heat and the semi-final but came fifth in the final with a Bedford Regatta, 13 May. The 1st race: Pangbourne respectable time of 3:52 over 1000m. Enclosure station. Delayed start. Radley remained cool. 10 strokes unwound the stagger. Pushed through. 14/3 Race over by the town bridge, before Pangbourne lost 14/3 prepared well for Bedford, looking as strong this their 6 man to a huge crab. Useful warm-up row. Boys year as they have for quite a few, but in the event picked up on areas for improvement for next race. panicked a little off the start in the adrenaline of the Semi-final: Teddies (who had been 2 seconds faster moment. A couple of crabs later, they were chasing than us at Wallingford). Same station. Same start. Bedford C through the Embankment arch, rather than Again race over as they came through the Town the Enclosure one... and followed a few lengths behind Bridge. Teddies 3 man out of action – maybe another for the rest of the course. Training, though, has been crab or maybe a seat problem. Beautiful bit of low-rate impressive, and there is a talented squad of 12 rowers racing by 14/1, until the excitement of the enclosure 51 9 June 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE who were contenders for a place in the Nat Schools At Nat Schools’ the 3rd boat acquitted themselves 3rd crew. Now that they are seasoned – beaten, but honourably with a keen performance in the heats just full of ‘we could have taken them, if it wasn’t for the scraping them through to the semis (‘we were saving start’ fighting talk, they are ones to watch. some for the next race…’) but were outrowed by the other (2nd) boats and knocked out.

THE CHRONICLE INDEX

CRICKET LEAGUE TABLE Vol. IV No. 2 9 June 2006

This table only includes results up to Leave Away. The Da Vinci Code 29 Team Played Won Drawn Lost Points Overheard… 30 A Poll on Green Issues 31 Midgets 4 4 4 - - 12 Social Stereotypes – 5. The Ambitious VI.1 32 Secondside 5 4 - 1 12 The Honours System 33 Colts 2 5 3 2 - 11 The Warden’s Music 34 Colts 1 5 3 1 1 10 Compline 35 Jun Colts 2 5 3 1 1 10 The Shells Land in Normandy – a Don’s View 36 3rd XI 4 3 - 1 9 SMAC Meeting Minutes – Monday 15 May 36 Midgets 2 4 2 2 - 8 Electronics Competition Results 37 Why Everyone Loves the Removes 38 Jun Colts 3 3 2 - 1 6 Avoiding Social Blunders – Part Two 39 Midgets 5 3 2 - 1 6 Guitar Prize 2006 40 Jun Colts 4 4 2 - 2 6 H Social Summer Concert 41 Midgets 1 4 1 2 1 5 Twilight Organ Recital – TMM 42 Bigside 6 1 2 3 5 CD Review – Barble Partisan 42 Jun Colts 1 5 1 1 3 4 Richard III – The Director’s View 43 Colts 3 3 1 - 2 3 Social Sudoku 44 Midgets 3 3 1 - 2 3 Correspondence 45 4th XI 2 - - 2 0 Cricket: Reports in Brief 47 Rowing: Reports in Brief 49 Midgets 6 2 - - 2 0 Cricket: Chronicle League Table 52

The scoring: a win – 3 points, a draw – 1, a loss – 0. The illustrations on page 32, 35, 40, 45 and 46 are by Adrian Pascu (B)

EDITORS OF The Radley College Chronicle

If any current Removes, Vths or VI.1 would like to get The Editors of the Chronicle are involved in writing or editing for the Chronicle , please Jake Cheetham (A), George Lines (B), Jos North (B), get in touch with us soon via [email protected], Alex Gilbert (B), Alex Sants (B), Ed Chalk (C), or talk to one of the Editors. We are looking to recruit Michael Shephard (D), Alex Chadwick (H), Jonathan writers and Editors from the current Vth year in Williams (H), Sam Radlclyffe (H), Will Woolsey (H), particular. Ben James (H), ISY and LB. Contributions and correspondence on any topic are The Assistant Editors are welcomed from all current or former members of the Radley community: please send to our email address, Charles Oakley (B), Charlie Duckworth (D), George [email protected], or to ‘The Editors, TRCC, Nye (E), Pelham Groom (E), Ranulph Murray (E), Nick Craigen (F) and Tom Blest (G). Radley College, Abingdon, Oxon. OX14 2HR’. Articles and letters will, for the most part, be Many thanks also to Alasdair Were (B), Asa Bennettt published anonymously, and any views expressed do (C), Ben Sheen (C) and Freddie Tapner (F) for their not necessarily reflect official school policy. help with this issue.

The third issue of Volume IV will be published in the last week of term. The deadline for submitting copy and letters is the evening of Wednesday 28 June.

© Radley College 2006. Printed by Radley Reprographics.

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