1 FRIDAY 06 DEC Amateur Transplants iScience Jonny Pratt interviews Adam Kay, Out Today: author of the notorius “London Imperial’s Science Underground” song 6 Magazine

“Keep the Cat Free”

06/12/13 Issue 1563 felixonline.co.uk

Imperial’s Charity Week THIS ISSUE... success - World Shocked By £70,000 raised! Mandela Death CINEMA Harun Khan Hazem El-Turk Reporters

ast Saturday, fundraising totals were announced for Charity Week 2013 (CW) at the annual round-off dinner, with Imperial College Lstudents raising a staggering £70,000 ICU Cinema introduce in one week. In October, Imperial College the All-Nighter 46 was graced with the arrival of CW; a national, student-led initiative supported by Islamic Relief (one of the charities comprising the UK’s Disaster Emergency Committee). It was hosted Games by Imperial’s Islamic Society. CW is an annual campaign that focuses on creating unity between its volunteers. While doing so, it also raises money for orphans and needy children worldwide – independent of their race, gender, or religious affi liation. Th is year it all began on Monday 28 October, with the autumn air being overpowered by the sweetness SOUTHAFRICA.NET of baked goods, as our campus was dotted with charity stalls selling cakes The late Nelson Mandela, former President of South Africa and Nobel Peace Prize winner. Zelda: A Link To My and doughnuts. At sunset, the fi rst charity event of the week kicked off in his hands and bent the arc of the solitary confi nement, for sabotage in Past 37 – the much renowned “Battle of the Rory Fenton moral universe towards justice”. opposing the white minority rule and Societies” quiz night (BOTS), an event Reporter Born in 1918, Nelson Mandela racist laws of the country. Released in which over 20 societies competed brought the African National following intense international in to win the coveted BOTS trophy Congress to victory in 1994 in South pressure and boycotts, he sought (won by the AhlulBayt Society). Other Africa’s fi rst multiracial elections, peace rather than revenge and as ARTS events held during the week included elson Mandela, the last becoming its fi rst ever black president established the Truth and a ‘HYPE night’ that consisted of great national liberator president. Eschewing the path trod Reconciliation Commission which people carrying out dares in return of the past century, by other African liberators such as gave victims of apartheid violence for sponsorships, an inter-uni football died yesterday at his Zimbabue’s Robert Mugabe, Mandela the opportunity to tell their stories tournament that was won by our home in Johannesburg then stood down after just one term, to their abusers. After leaving offi ce noisy neighbours King’s College, a Nfollowing a 12 year battle with prostate becoming a global campaigner for he worked for peace across Africa, sponsored assault course/sky-diving, cancer. Loved around the world as peace and reconciliation. He also put including the Democratic Republic of as well as tube and street collections a freedom fi ghter and peace maker, great energy into the fi ght against the Congo and Burundi. across London. Mandela’s death was announced by scourge of HIV/ AIDs in South Africa, Little was seen in public of the elder Th e week drew to a close with an South African President Jacob Zuma a disease which in 2005 claimed the statesman since his “retirement from elegant reception at the fl agship as the loss of the nation’s “greatest son”. life of his son. retirement” in 2004, when he stepped Review: Dramsocʼs Charity Week Dinner, this year held in Tributes and condolences came Th e Nobel Peace Prize winner down from public life, telling his the grand Porchester Hall. Th e dinner from around the world with American became a champion and emblem nation “thanks for being kind for an The Government President Barack Obama calling of forgiveness after his 27 year old man”. A nation he now leaves in Inspector ... continued on page 3 Mandela, “a man who took history imprisonment, much of it spent in mourning, but proud. 22 2 FRIDAY 06 DEC EDITOR’S PICKS

GAMES BOOKS FILM Xmas Wishes Black Chalk 2013 Review The Games Editors look at Hannah Edmondson inverviews Film Editor John Park reviews author Christopher Yates about the hits and misses of 2013 their holiday wish lists his latest book, Black Chalk

Holdiays! Student Travel Survey won. Th is is the last week! Next week there will be no last week! Keep an eye out on Congrats to the lucky student who was awarded the Facebook and on Felixonline.co.uk to read the articles we’ll be releasing over the holidays! WE hope you have a fun break! £100 Amazon voucher for taking part in the College travel survey. Stay tuned to find out about College and cycling in the new year! Editor’s Addiction of the term...

Union Committee Meetings The next meeting of the Union Council will take place on December 10 and will include a discussion on student protests. The next meeting of the Clubs, Societies and Projects Board will be on December 12.

LOLCAT OF TEH WEEK: More from teh Lolcat editor Sabb Hot Desk Come to the Sherfield Building on December 6th to have a chat with the Felix Editor and the Duputy President (Welfare). Have any concerns, suggestions, or plain annoyances? Come along and have a cheeky natter!

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. THIS BROUGHT Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2013.

WEEK WASTO YOUBY

Editor-in-Chief Joe Letts News Editors Nida Mahmud, Philippa Skett, Aemun Reza Features Editor Shiladitya Ghosh Wellbeing Editor Marissa Lewis Business Editor James Tsim Science Editors Philippa Skett, Keir Little, Fiona Hartley Politics Editor Kartikeya Rana, Jash Rughani Food Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Michael Chung Comment Editors Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey Arts Editor Arianna Sorba Fashion Editor Cécile Borkhataria Books Editors Maciej Matuszewski, Eva Rosenthal Music Editors Simon Hunter, Riaz Agahi, Stuart Masson, William Stocker Television Editors John Park, Emily Fulham Film Editor John Park Games Editors Maximilian Eggl, Calum Skene, Imran Rashid Technology Editors Maximilian Eggl, Yong Wen Chua, Osama Arawa, Clubs & Socs Editor Nida Mahmud Charity Editor Ben Fernando Travel Editor Chris Richardson Sports Editor Kunal Wagle Online Editors Philip Kent, Annina Sartor, Stephen Ball Puzzles Commanders Kingshuk Dasadhikari, Oliver Price Copycats Stephen Ball and Annina Sartor Copykittens Tom Rivlin, Mattin Mir-Tahmasebi, Jonathan Pratt FRIDAY 06 DEC 3

Editors: Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud, Philippa Skett NEWS [email protected] ... continued from page 1 UUK’s report on gender Campus Services: segregated seating Bring yer buckets Campus services takes steps in the right direction — Still silent.

having a debate in accordance with its IMPERIAL COLLEGE CHARITY WEEK 2013 Nida Mahmud belief system.” was attended by over 300 students, News Editor Nicola Dandridge, the UUK chief many with their families. Inspiring executive said “Th ese are issues that speeches were given throughout are arising all the time and these are the dinner, with the guest speakers ast week, Universities really diffi cult issues. What emerged painting a vivid picture of the suff ering UUK, the UK’s universities from our work on this particular issue taking place around the world. An representative organisation is that there is no clearly defi ned right enthralling auction soon followed, issued guidance on helping or wrong here as to whether to allow or which saw beautiful canvases go for universities manage external outlaw segregation. It is going to very as much as £2,000 a piece, as well Lspeakers. much depend on the facts of the case. as intricately decorated cakes being Th ey concluded that universities External speakers play an important sold for nearly £400! All in all it was can segregate students during speaker role in university life, not least in a heart-warming sight seeing students events when required, as long as there terms of encouraging students to uniting together under one roof for a is fair access to both genders. think for themselves, challenge other noble cause, and more than £23,000 Th e report states that, “assuming people’s views and develop their own was raised on the night for orphans the side-by-side segregated seating opinions. Although most speakers are and needy children. arrangement is adopted, there does uncontroversial, some will express However, that was not the end of not appear to be any discrimination on contentious, even infl ammatory or Charity Week, as the weekend saw the gender grounds merely by imposing off ensive views. Universities have to return of the now UK famous Smoky segregated seating. Both men and balance their obligation to encourage not Smudgy ladies pampering event. women are being treated equally, as free speech with their duties to ensure Bigger and better, this consisted of a they are both being segregated in the that the law is observed, the safety and massive bazaar, as well as two fashion same way. Concerns to accommodate security of staff , students and visitors shows. Hundreds of students from the wishes or beliefs of those opposed secured, and good campus relations both Imperial and other universities to segregation should not result in a promoted. In practice, achieving this attended, as well as famous bloggers religious group being prevented from balance is not always easy.” who were invited as special guests. Overall, Imperial College came LUKE GRANGER-BROWN third nationally, raising a monumental £69,697. To put this number into Sponsored Editorial context, this is nearly half the total ULU students protest in amount of money raised by Imperial students during the whole of last Student Discounts At year (£147,684), through RAG, Senate House occupation Medics RAG and CW 2012! With Charity Week celebrating its 10th Th e UoL Chief Operating Offi cer, Fresh Hairdressers year anniversary this year, a massive Nida Mahmud Chris Cobb sent a letter to the £2,993,176 has been raised to date, News Editor protesters at 5pm on the evening 70m from South Kensington tube and this fi gure continues to grow cautioning them “if you do not leave rapidly each year. the building peacefully within the next As Charity Week 2013 draws to ver 100 protesters hour (by 6pm this evening) then I shall a close, volunteers now have the occupied the request our Security Staff to remove opportunity to vote for the projects University of London you, and to call upon the police for that they would like the money raised (UoL’s) headquarters assistance if necessary.” Men’s cuts £22 (normally £35) to go towards. It is memories such on Wednesday 4 Th e ULU commented: “Initial All over clipper cuts from £10 as those formed in CW that help ODecember. Th e protest took place reports indicate that protesters were Women’s cut and rough dry £28 shape our students, sprouting and to demonstrate against the UoL’s assaulted by both police and security: Women’s cut and salon fi nish developing their ambition to grow “undemocratic and unaccountable” thrown to the ground, kicked and blow-dry £38 (normally £55) both personally and on a societal level. running. punched, and dragged to the ground Highlights from only £40 Th e Islamic Society commented on Th e protesters demanded 10 things, by their hair. this achievement: “We would like to that included scraping plans to close Th is evening, the University of Sorry CASH only! thank everyone who made Charity the University of London Union London colluded once again with Week the success that it was this year, (ULU), paying the London living wage police to evict occupiers, in a violent FRESH hairdressers are off ering from the dozens of volunteers who to UoL staff , as well as improving attempt to harass and silence dissent the best haircuts, prices and Appointments available Tuesday to took part, to the Union who were the sick and holiday pay. Th ey said on campus. Th eir actions are a service in South Kensington. Saturdays 9.30 to 6.30 supportive throughout – this was truly that they would not leave until their disgrace, and show their disregard a collective Imperial College eff ort demands were met. Th e protest was for both the welfare of their students Please call 0207 823 8968 to We are only 70 metres from and is a testament to what we students not organised by social media, instead and their own university community. book an appointment and ask for South Kensington station at 15a can achieve through dedication and it was organised by word of mouth. Occupations are a legitimate form of a student discount. Please bring Harrington road, South Kensington, uniting together for a common cause. 50 police offi cers attended the UoL dissent. When our university exploits your student ID we look forward to SW7 3ES 0207 823 8968. We pray that our eff orts go some way offi ce to remove the demonstrators. our staff , shuts down our student seeing you. to fulfi lling our obligation to serving Police arrested three protesters; two union, and are utterly unaccountable We use the best styling products Check out our website: humanity and helping those less have now been released, however, one to the students and staff that give it from Wella, Moroccan Oil, L’Oreal. www.freshhairdressers.co.uk fortunate than ourselves.” has been held for assaulting a police life and make it function, students Charity Week 2014, we wait for you offi cer. Th e police said that they were have no choice but to gain leverage in with much impatience. there to stop the breach of peace. whatever way they can.” 4 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editors: Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud, NEWS Philppa Skett [email protected] RCS Union Launches 2014 Science Challenge Competition and Questions

BENJAMIN LESTER/ THROUGHBENSLENS.CO.UK

At the launch event the audience Joseph Letts were treated to short talks from each Editor-In-Chief of the judges, who discussed the importance of communicating science to a wider audience and imparted n Tuesday the RCSU several nuggets of wisdom to the (Royal College of captive audience. Science Union) Th e competition will be open to celebrated the students from February 1 to March introduction to 3, 2014 and each entrant will be able Othe next RCSU Science Challenge to select a single question from the Competition with a launch event in competition. the Sir Alexander Fleming Building. As well as prospective entrants Questions: from Imperial and several secondary schools the event also played host “What does science tell us about the to an infl uential panel of judges and nature of time” — Prof. Fay Dowker speakers, including Professor Fay (Essay: 800 words max) Dowker, Professor of Th eoretical Physics and former student of “Write a letter to my fi ve year old Stephen Hawking, Baroness Eliza daughter, Charlotte, about how one Manningham-Buller DCB, Chair or more areas of science, technology, of Imperial College Council and engineering or medicine that fascinate Former Director General of MI5, and you will have will have developed by Pallab Ghosh, BBC News Science the time she is at University and which Correspondent and former Felix subject you would encourage her to Editor. study and why” – Pallab Ghosh (Essay: Th e winners of the competition will 800 words max) be chosen separately from Imperial students and secondary school “How should we decide which species students. For the essay questions, to prioritise for conservation?” the Imperial overall winner receives — John Kudlick, Society of Biology £1000 and a trip to CERN while each (Essay: 800 words max) question winner received £400. For school essays, the overall winner “Explain a scientifi c concept in a wins £500 and a trip to CERN while 3-minute video-clip” — Dr. Jad the winners for each question receive Marrouche, Former RCSU President £200. Instead, for the video question, and current Imperial College research the overall winner wins £1000 while associate at CERN (Video: Answer via the Imperial and School runner ups a video clip uploaded to YouTube with each receive £200. #RCSsciencechallenge).

BENJAMIN LESTER/ THROUGHBENSLENS.CO.UK FRIDAY 06 DEC 5

@feliximperial FelixImperial FEATURES Opinion: h-bar – Revisiting the Holland Club

years the Holland Club has fostered “Thomas Holland” new friendships and networking, SAVE THE HOLLAND CLUB facilitated informal and sometimes very productive discussions about research work, and above all provided he Holland Club was so somewhere welcoming to relax and popular because it was a wind down after work. unique facility within the Former Holland Club users will no College off ering a traditional doubt be divided between those able ‘local’ pub ambience for to accept the change and those who Tstaff and postgraduates to relax and cannot, and those unable to adapt will socialise in. Th e bar was carpeted and no doubt be dismissed as whining. comfortably furnished, the lighting However it must be said that many sympathetic, the atmosphere warm FELIX users of the old club decline to use and friendly. less welcoming place to enjoy a drink Holland Club by senior management specialises in: not one of the several the new facility not out of rancour Th e new bar in no way “preserves in the entire district. Th e idea that it is who were apparently ‘casing the joint’ hundred comments were taken on but because it is just so unpleasant. the ethos of the Holland Club”, the a ‘pub’ is contemptible. preceded any approach to the Holland board. Commercial services claim much original assurance made to staff and Th e worst thing about the whole Club Committee. A sudden need Th e Holland Club was established in positive feedback though strangely the postgraduates by the college. Instead exercise is that it was totally to serve evening meals in the MDH 1948 by a benevolent and far-sighted h-bar remains unlisted on their review we have been provided with a prime preventable. Th e Holland Club was contrived so that it could then College Rector who realised that page: a case of Emperors’ Clothes? example of corporate catering. Committee could have maintained a be deemed unsatisfactory for that staff needed their own haven from New staff and students will only Th e h-bar is now identical to other separate bar whilst making additional purpose. Staff representatives and the the demands of work; a haven that know of the h-bar but, as with college outlets and is little diff erent space for student meetings, meeting Bar Manager, Kevin Young, spent a became increasingly important as Southside, the name and reputation to either the Students’ Union or space being a primary reason given for lot of time trying to reach a mutually changes within the College developed of the Holland Club will linger on for Eastside: it has been likened by some making the changes. agreeable solution, but the college had an increasingly more pressurised some time yet. to a motorway services; add some Th e takeover was from the outset already decided on the outcome and working environment. Over time Sadly , the h-bar will above all screaming kids and you could be in a conducted in an underhand manner. the plans. Th ere was the usual sham the social facility was extended to remain a monument to the college’s McDonald’s. We struggle to think of a Rumours and secretive visits to the consultation, something the college postgraduate students and in recent contempt for its staff . Science Challenge’s Original Aim Exposed

disaster, be it asteroid impact, super volcano or Jon Sanderson total global warming, and then propose a way to Former RCSA President preserve the most suitable group of people and a method of supplying them with survival data, which you will defi ne, in an indestructible way. very year the RCSU issues the Science Clearly I and a few members of the RCSA, Challenge, which has evolved into would like to be included but this may not be Summer Finance an essay competition with very acceptable to everyone else. Our chances of living acceptable prizes. However the original for 100 or more years to see some new habitat are motivation for the challenge was only really doubtful. Internship Eknown to a select few – now it can be revealed. So who would be there and where would it Some years ago a curious old RCS alumnus be – on the surface – below ground – above the found he had insuffi cient life expectancy atmosphere? But please, not in space! Th is planet              to exploit the ideas and inventions he had is home for some time to come.           accumulated over the years. He decided to fi nd What language would the information be a group of IC students to explore these ideas by in? How will it be presented and where are we         !" issuing a challenge with a cash prize with the to put it? All these questions and more present # $ %  &'        assistance of the RCSU, which had just been themselves.        %  '      reformed. Th at original question proved too If you’re clever enough to be here how will you   diffi cult and was shelved. However it is still on survive? the table and even though the prize was claimed, A small prize is off ered to the group that (        % % )   a. signifi cant number of ideas remain to be provides the most practical solution and an even      *       shared with anyone willing to try. smaller prize for the most amusing answer.   '    '     '  +'   Th is was that challenge :- What would be left – and has someone done In order to encourage the reformed RCSU and this before? If so, where is it? to forge ties with the RCSA, it was suggested --ooOOoo—             ' that there should be a competition based on the In the event the students opted for a far more   %   !    )  *     following proposal. immediate and practical challenge and decided         %      --ooOOoo-- to throw it open to the whole college. Th is    RCS Association Competition became the Imperial College Science Challenge During the foreseeable future an event will and on 20/2/06 appeared in Broadsheet as :- occur which will either kill most of humanity or How will science allow a long-term, self- *     ,     make the planet’s surface uninhabitable. Once contained settlement on Mars to become a that happens it will be too late to take any useful reality? action, consequently it would seem prudent to get In order to attract as much interest as possible  -  .)   ready now, while we are still alive. there were signifi cant prizes off ered and free #  %    / 0 1 Th e information needed to give our descendants drinks at the prize giving ceremony. It worked   2 3 04516 7     * 72 45589 a fl ying start on the way to a new civilisation will well with many competitors from across the need to be in a long-lasting form and a format College taking part. Five of the best entries were that will make sense to whoever is left of whatever chosen for the judges to evaluate and the turnout ethnicity and language. for the fi nal presentations in the Sir Alexander We are asking you to propose a terminal Fleming lecture theatre was impressive. 6 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editor: Shiladitya Ghosh FEATURES [email protected] Interview: Adam Kay, Musical Comedy

because the people involved are now Jonny Pratt consultant physicians and surgeons Reporter around the country and I’d hate for their careers to end as a result of this interview. his week Felix interviews Adam Kay, the frontman Q: Any non specifi c stories then? of Amateur Transplants and an ex-Imperial Medical I’m sure medical students haven’t student. If you’re not sure changed in the slightest, a lot of Twho that is, look up the London drinking, nudity and the occasional Underground song on YouTube and arrests. send us a letter of thanks. Q: Did you see the Daily Mail article Q: Hi Adam, I think to start I have about the Reynolds? How does that to ask the obivous question, why compare? would anyone put themselves through Imperial Medical School It’s not a very pleasant environment, for 6 years and then decide to sing if you’re a rugby playing drinking boy smutty songs for a living? it’s very fun to do all these drinking games, but if you’re not that, if you Well, I think you sort of decide what don’t fi t into that mould it’s a very you’re doing at University when you scary environment – there’s a lot of choose your GCSEs, particularly for pressure on to drink and I think in medicine ‘cause you know you have to all honesty it wouldn’t do any harm kind of do sciences. I didn’t quite know for everyone to take a bit of a look what I wanted to do when I was 16 and at themselves and think “am I happy IDIL SUKAN/DRAW HQ the idea of being a doctor was a thing that this is happening in a university?”, people did, so I did it and I guess I knew particularly people who have to achieve it because they don’t seem to Q: Have you ever thought about lose their jobs but on the other hand when I was studying that it wasn’t have some degree of probity who walk out or call the police or write writing a song about Imperial in I’m yet to see a smile from a London 100% suited to me but I ploughed on are training to be doctors. I’m sure articles however stressful it was. particular? Underground worker so I can’t be so because I was halfway there and then I at Imperial it was all painted as “oh sad that they’re all going to be replaced worked as a doctor for a bit but whilst they’re being such killjoys and this is Q: What do you see in a news story No, I mean you’ve got to look at how with robots. Inevitably there will be I was working as a doctor I was also just tradition and fun”. But you know that makes you want to sing about big an audience is. If I have a specifi c strikes so my song will get a bit more performing and doing various other I wasn’t one of the rugby guys and it? gig at the association of whateverers airplay. But my overall feeling about things so that when I eventually had I often did think I was being forced I will write often some material for the 24 hour opening is at the moment my full epiphany that I couldn’t do into drinking more than I would. Probably half the time it comes from that occasion, but the occasion hasn’t half the tubes are closed during the that forever I was able to jump ship. Otherwise I was going to be picked a topic I want to explore and half the arisen for me to perform at Imperial. day at the weekend, so can we sort out But you don’t want your hospitals on as an outsider. I think there’s the time it comes from a song I’ve heard the days fi rst and then move on to the full of doctors who don’t particularly diversity for fun and the diversity on the radio and I’ve realised I can Q: So we have to book you to get our night? Th ey seem to be running before give a shit about being a doctor, it’s for drinking without that. It can be a change one of the words to bum and own song? they can walk. I live on the District generally a good thing that that cohort horrid environment so I don’t think stretch that out to three minutes. I Line, I can’t use it any weekend. So notice and try something else. there’s any harm in someone noticing. think what I do is quite broad; I don’t Exactly, you have to fucking pay me! it’s all well and good telling me I can stick to one particular topic. I think I’m not a charity! I’m not sure what use it at night, but I think we all know Q: How did you get through the app Q: How would you advertise if I have a song people would like to I would say about it, but I think that full well that’s not true. Also can you process then, did you have to lie on yourself to Imperial students who hear I write it. I think there’s also a big overall it was an enjoyable experience. imagine the stench? A river of vomit your personal statement? know of you only from the London attrition rate, probably a quarter of the running through the centre of the Underground song? songs I write ever hear the light of day Q: Did you ever read Felix when night tube? It’ll be worse than the No, I mean medicine’s a lot harder to on stage. Th ough when I’m playing in you were here? And what were your buses, and if it’s running 24 hours how get into now than it was. Th e sort of I ruin all their favourite songs. I a week or so the theme is very much thoughts? do you clean it? Or will there be this approach was they wanted someone haven’t quite shaken my science roots Christmas, then again it is nearly constant smell of sick 24 hours a day? who had good predicted grades who so there’s probably no nerdier smutty Christmas. I did, the Editor was called Will seemed just a nice chap; either did piano based comedian. I’m playing Dugdale and it was very good actually, Q: Finally, what would you say to music, or played rugby or did drama a Christmas show that is literally Q: So do you have a favourite song in it was a useful resource and it had anyone at Imperial thinking maybe or the school magazine, whatever it the opposite of any other West End particular to perform? Or one that really good cryptic crosswords. I they want to go into something a bit was. I’d done music and things and pantomime sort of thing; it’s just sort gets the best audience reaction? don’t know if you still have them, but more creative? they decided I was the right sort of horrendous, swearing, blasphemy, it taught me how to do them which I of fi t. But whilst I was at Imperial with vague scientifi c undertones. I don’t know, I mean often it’s one of started doing in my fi rst year and I still Finish your degree, you’ve always got something changed and it became the more recent songs I’ve written. I do every day. the option to go back and do it later. quite an academic medical school so Q: Have you ever had a song that’s enjoy playing those just because the It’s always good to have a vocation, I defi nitely wouldn’t get in now. But too off ensive or is it anything goes? London Underground song I must Th at’s useful life skills being taught but on the other hand it’s a fucking I think I was relatively honest on my have played 300 billion times. at Imperial awful job. Why anyone would go back personal statement; certainly the facts No I have to self-censor but you self- I don’t know. It’s such a long degree were there, whether I egged it up a bit censor for a number of reasons, you Nearly as much as it’s been seen on Probably the thing at Imperial that’s – everyone thinks about quitting at with how much I loved being a doctor. write something and take a step back YouTube. had the most impact on my life, but some point. But I’m pleased that I I probably did, but it was probably and think “is it funny? Is it clever? Is it certainly not anything in the degree I stuck it out because if for any instance factually accurate. off ensive?” And off ensive is something Yeah, I am grateful for that song, but did, just learning how to complete the variety and gigging dries up at some I have to think about a lot because if if I was told I never had to play it cryptic crossword. point I can always grit my teeth and Q: Are there any particular you go and see a comedian the idea again I wouldn’t say no. But I mostly work as a locum again or something. memories you have of Imperial is that you leave happier than when enjoy songs which are fairly new Q: Do you have an opinion on the College? you went because if you don’t then to me because I’m still hearing the new 24 hour tube hours and lack of Th e Amateur Transplants Christmas you’ve absolutely failed as a comedian, punchlines for the third or fourth ticket offi cers, is there going to be a Show hits London on Friday the 13th of Umm, I don’t think there’s any sort of so a lot of what I do is near to the time. I wrote a version of the John revision to the song? December at the Bloomsbury Th eatre, individual stories. No there actually knuckle but I try quite hard to make Lewis ad and played that at a gig a with student tickets costing £16. Check are, I keep thinking of individual sure people aren’t going to be actually few days ago and that was enjoyable Th ere will defi nitely be a revision to it out for the funniest, sweariest night stories but I literally can’t tell you upset by what happens. Hopefully I because it was so new to me. the song. It’s never nice when people you can get to on the tube. FRIDAY 06 DEC 7

@feliximperial FelixImperial FEATURES An Opening into the PG Open Day

relative abundance of sweets on off er the working world and felt becoming 4-year PhD candidates into their Shiladitya Ghosh atop their tables and the spread of a Doctoral candidate was in order programme. When asked why they Undercover Prospective pamphlets and other assorted paper to spice up her life, put it bluntly: think students would want to come Postgraduate Student what-have-you-nots (that are great for “Imperial is one of the best places to to Imperial and walk this path, they grabbing and walking away with when do a PhD in Meteorology … especially casually let on that Imperial’s ICB- you don’t want to talk to the other as it is twinned and closely linked with CDT was one of the founding CDTs in ne cold Wednesday party anymore, handily enough.) Th e the country back in 2003 and is world- afternoon earlier this awesome Physics department even leading in its research focuses. week, your fantastic managed to magic up a fl oating shark Next, I approached the pair of Features editor to supposedly earmark their location Climate-KIC (CK… no, not that deigned to trespass (the link between the two was beyond CK) and the Grantham Institute for Oand snoop around formally check out me.) Climate Change (GICC). Following a and report the annual Postgraduate While lapping the Hall a number of similar discussion, I gleaned that what Open Day happening at the South times that would impress Avogadro, distinguished the two departments Kensington Campus. It was much and trying not to look the part of was that while CK was more of a less of a hassle than expected, as I had a dodgy creeper taking pictures of Female Population Represent? network for PGs to learn how to

turned up with Joe Letts’ name card people repeatedly, I managed to SHILADITYA GHOSH/FELIX translate their innovative ideas into business models and a way to gain the NHM next door” – who’d have entrepreneurship skills (not least thought our neighbours would be through a 5-week summer school), luring students in for us? Handy-dandy Imperial Mobile App! GICC was a decentralised body that Th omas, a 3rd year IC Physicist, worked across many departments at SHILADITYA GHOSH/FELIX and Federico, a 1st year PG student Imperial to fund PhDs that addressed in the High Energy Particle Physics I then asked each student about how their climate and environmental useful they found the departmental focuses. Moreover, GICC felt they event and what suggestions they had were alluring as they were exclusive to off er – perhaps most tellingly, to Imperial and off ered public Lawrence’s response was to merely engagement and policy exposure open the Imperial Mobile app on his opportunities, while CK served up iPhone, select the PG Open Day icon unparalleled networking opportunities and display the blank page to me. ICT due to Imperial’s reputation and good couldn’t have been too pleased. It was career opportunities due to industrial also suggested that the registration partners. process was unclear in general and I also asked all three departments Sample of paper paraphernalia on offer SHILADITYA GHOSH/FELIX From one Physicist to another for clearance purposes but may as well circumvent the focal point of the have come dressed as a school kid for spotlight away from me a couple of SHILADITYA GHOSH/FELIX all the diff erence it made. times, by interviewing some attending (HEPP) focus group decided they As an undergraduate myself, prospective postgraduates. wanted to answer my questions my objective was to fi nd out what Lawrence, a 3rd year EEE student together. Th ey agreed that carrying on motivated people to consider already at the College, felt that he and doing a PG degree commanded becoming postgraduates and to come wanted to come back to continue great recognition and respect even in to or stay at Imperial for PG studies, his PG studies here because: all his today’s hyper-competitive world, and and how Imperial addressed their friends are here – why leave? His other it was enthusiastically noted to be a great way to avoid having to get a job. Plus, it was a perk to remain at the largest Physics department in the UK! Ryan, an Accountancy graduate from Birkbeck (UOL), claimed he was drawn to Imperial because in the Petroleum and Geoscience industries, many employees speak highly about our graduates and are Enthusiastic volunteers on the job...or just posing? SHILADITYA GHOSH/FELIX usually themselves past students from here. Furthermore, London is a place that departmental activities were about how valuable they found the he can’t stay away from, and not many haphazard and not really apparent. Open Day event to be in garnering universities off er the diverse range After I’d made several further applications, and what other publicity of technical specialisation courses unsuccessful attempts at distracting strategies they preferred to use – ICB- that are available here at IC. He also potential students from the actual CDT said they found it extremely revealed that he “regretted not doing event, I thought I’d annoy some of valuable to be there as usually a third a science degree for UG as it’s more the (momentarily) less active booths of their applicants are obtained as valuable than what [he] has now – and give them someone to talk to, a direct result of the Open Day and so [he] reworked his personal 5-Year although we could also go with the CK expressed similar sentiments, Plan to make sure [he] end[s] up in a offi cial reason of wanting to hear both however GI admitted that they were The Great Blue Physics Shark...can fl y! SHILADITYA GHOSH/FELIX technical vocation.” sides of the tale. present only to “cover all their bases” interests in the form of the Open Day. motivations to pursue a PG degree in First I sat myself before the Institute and usually got their applications as a Th e focus point of the day’s general were so that he could “learn of Chemical Biology’s Centre for result of word-of-mouth publicity and proceedings was the departmental more technical aspects of things, and Doctoral Training (ICB-CDT) booth, the internet. exhibition in the Great Hall, with each gain specialisation in a particular to fi gure out what they were all about. With my job done, I swiftly grab department also organising their own fi eld – something you don’t get from Generally speaking, they were all a fi stful of chocolates from a booth tours throughout the day. As such, the the broader scope of a UG degree”. In about a multi-disciplinary approach near one of the exit doors, capped my bulk of sleuthing around was confi ned addition, he felt he wanted to make to PG work and focussed on drawing camera lens and walked out, savouring to the Sherfi eld building itself. a contribution to academics after students with a STEM background the fact that I was still merely an It was clear that some departments gaining so much from it. to work on “interfacial projects to undergraduate. TL;DR – become a Obligatory stock photo of Open Day were much more bothered about the Jane, a UCL Geology MSc alumnus address the world’s problems”. Th ey postgraduate to avoid getting a job! SHILADITYA GHOSH/FELIX even than others; evidenced by the who’d grown weary after ten years in plan to take about 15 fully funded 8 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editor: Marissa Lewis WELLBEING [email protected]

Welcome to Wellbeing Depression Mythbusters With all the talk of mental health awareness fl oating arounf with exam stress and other bothers that we all undoubtably experience, it may be heard to distinguish what is meant by depression as a mental health condition. Open Minds are here to debunk some of the Marissa Lewis common preconceptions of depression. Wellbeing Editor Depression is not a real medical illness Depression is a diagnosable illness, defi ned as “a common mental disorder, characterized by sadness, loss of interest or pleasure, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, disturbed sleep or appetite, feelings of tiredness, and poor concentration” Hi I’m Marissa. As well as being Deputy President (World Health Organisation). (Welfare) of the Union, I’m also the editor for the Wellbeing section of Felix. Th e Wellbeing section will run fortnightly and feature There are many different types of depression articles from students about any issue which aff ects us or As a general term, depression can be classed as: major, which may involve feelings of lowered self-esteem, and a our friends. Whether it’s an article about cycling safely in lack of motivation to work, sleep, eat, or do once-pleasurable activities for a certain period of time; chronic, where London, leading a healthy lifestyle or about what you or symptoms are less severe but depression lasts for a longer period of time; or bipolar/manic, where one’s mood may your society is doing for a national, international or Union swing between extreme depression and extreme happiness. Other mental health conditions may also be associated campaign, I’d love to hear from you. with depression. Depression will likely manifest itself diff erently in diff erent people. At Imperial, it’s very easy to fall into the trap of caring about our academic work more than we care about ourselves and living for the end of each term or You can inherit depression from your family coursework assignment. However, this isn’t a sustainable Th ere is some evidence that depression runs in families, although no specifi c causative genes have been found. Th is way of working and it defi nitely isn’t an enjoyable way of does not mean that you will defi nitely get depression if someone in your family has it, nor does it mean that you cannot spending your years at university. It is such a cliche to suff er from depression if it does not run in your family. say how important creating a work-life balance is, but ensuring you are able to look after yourself whilst looking after your studies will set you up for the workd of work Everyone gets depressed sometimes when you don’t have a lovely DPW to look after you. Life can be very stressful, and everyone will go through spells of feeling down. However, with depression, these feelings persist for weeks, months, or years. Depression is an illness with specifi c symptoms such as losing interest in things that you previously enjoyed, feeling like you are a failure and having trouble sleeping or sleeping too much. If you think you may be depressed, you should see your GP as soon as possible. Do you have any fi rst-hand experiences of mental health conditions that you would like to Youʼre depressed because you donʼt exercise enough share? Send them in to: [email protected] Depression cannot be classed as a mood that can be ‘snapped out of’. Rather, it is an illness that requires recognised treatments and, likely, a certain recovery time. Good diet and exercise can help to alleviate a low mood, but they are If you would like to get involved in the not a cure for depression. IC Open Minds mental health awareness campaign, ʻlikeʼ us on Facebook: https://www. facebook.com/ICOpenMinds Depression is treatable Yes! Th ere are many diff erent treatment options for depression. Th e treatment will depend on the type, and severity, Or contact Moeko: [email protected] of depression you experience. Some common options are: • Medication: selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are commonly used to treat depression and anxiety. Th ey boost serotonin levels in the brain to help lift mood. Medication is not a magical cure for depression, and SSRIs are often taken in conjunction with talking therapies or CBT. • Cognitive Behavioural Th erapy (CBT): CBT aims to link how you feel (cognition) to how you act (behaviour). It does not focus on your past or what may have caused your depression, but rather on practical ways to manage your feelings in a positive way. Treatment may include keeping a mood diary or making a diagram linking your thoughts, feelings and behaviour, in order to break the negative cycle of depression. • Counselling: counselling is a form of talking therapy where a trained counsellor will provide a safe environment in which for you to express your feelings. Rather than off ering advice, counselling will help you to fi nd your own insight and understanding of your problems. Th ese things are often easier said than done and you need to be fully committed to treatment for it to work. However, most people do recover from depression if they seek treatment early. World AIDS Day: 1st December 2013 MEDSIN talk about their take on this international campaign

Education is key in the fi ght against stigma associated with HIV, believed to Five facts about HIV be one of the biggest barriers that hinders the drive towards more testing and 1. People with HIV have a normal life span if diagnosed helping those living with HIV live a life without fear of discrimination. If you and treated in time would like to know more about the recent challenges and developments in 2. Th ere’s no job that someone can’t do specifi cally the HIV story or a personal insight in to the life of someone living with HIV because they have HIV in the UK, come along to this free event! Medsin Imperial invites you to an 3. Treatment can mean that people living with HIV are evening with Red Elmahdi, currently undertaking a PhD in the subject, and no longer infectious - in face treatment can reduce Sophie Strachan, from the charity Positively UK on Tuesday December 10th infectiousness by 96% in the Huxley Building, LT 711C at 6pm. We will also be selling red ribbons, 4. Men and women living with HIV can become parents so come along, ask questions, wear a ribbon and show your support! of an HIV-free baby 5. BUT people living with HIV still face stigma and We look forward to seeing you there! discrimination Want to write for ? YES NO

How about How about copy writing News? editing etc?

NAH, YES SOUNDS NO WHAT IS THAT? SHIT

WOOP!Email: YES How about writing Fair enough. Keep It’s basically where [email protected] Hangman? on reading then you proof read to check for peoplse mistaeks NO HMMM. I KNOW SOUNDS FUN WHICH ONE NO Okay. What section?

WHAT DO YOU HAVE? Great! Email: Well. There’s: Features, [email protected] Business, Science,Politics, Food, Comment Fashion Arts, Books ONE OF THEM , , , NO Music, Television, Film, Games, Technology, Coffee Break, Hangman (again), Travel, Sports, Puzzles

NONE OF THEM...

FINE. I WILL NO Make a new one?

COME ON. WE’RE DYING OVER HERE. HELP US OUT!

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@feliximperial 10 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editors: Philippa Skett, Keir Little, Fiona Hartley SCIENCE [email protected]

Gender differences? It’s all in our head Philippa Skett on how our minds are already made up when it comes to sex

ew research has tasks, and women at others.” imaging, an shown that the brains In behavioural experiments also run MRI technique of females and males by Pennsylvania University, females that maps the have diff erent patterns outperformed males when it came movement of of connectivity, to testing attention spans, memory water particles Npossibly alluding as to why men retention and facial recognition, moving may not behave the same as women. whilst males were better at spatial throughout the In this impressively large study processing and had quicker reaction brain. Being able published by PNAS, 949 people had times. Meanwhile, males generally to see where water the connections of their neuronal performed better when only working moves can allow clusters mapped, and results indicated on one task, whereas females could tracing of the signifi cant diff erences between the process several at one time and were underlying fi bres wiring of the minds between the two also found to have superior social of the brain that genders. cognition skills. are directing the So what were the connectivity Such results could be seen as water movement. diff erences? Males often had stronger indicative that the connectivity Such fi bres connectivity profi les within the patterns Verma has identifi ed relate are composed separate hemispheres compared to to these diff erences in behaviour, of large bundles females, although females were found although little was mentioned in the of hundreds of to have signifi cantly more inter- paper about neurological plasticity axons of neurons, hemispheric connectivity across the as a result of external environmental and show which whole brain. Th is means that although infl uences. Could it be that a gender- regions of the males have greater connectivity biased lifestyle is shaping such brain connect between the front and the back of connectivity instead? to and infl uence the two sides of the brain, both of When looking at age, the contrast others. the two hemispheres in females are between male and female connectivity Modelling the more intricately connected from left increased as the subjects got older. entire profi le of all to right. Subjects of both genders below the the connections Th e study, carried out by age of 13 were found to have very within the brain Pennsylvania University, was led similar connectivity profi les, whilst at a cellular level INGALHALIKAR, M. PNAS, DECEMBER 2, 2013 by Dr Ragini Verma, an associate diff erences were most prominent in is still yet to be professor in the department of those that were 17 or older. Th is may completely done, Connection patterns of the fi bres within the brain. Female brain is blue, male brain is orange Radiology. Verma thinks there is indicate that puberty could play a part but would be the a link between these results and in shaping the dimorphism of adult ultimate endeavour in brain mapping. brain are no longer novel, but are still research in behaviour and neural diff erences in behaviour between the human brains, almost as much as it Th e Human Connectome Project, providing increasingly interesting development and better imaging genders: “Th ese maps show us a stark infl uences physical gender-orientated launched back in 2010, is aiming to results. Although this study looks at techniques, we may one day be able diff erence – and complementarity – development too, although more do this, although estimations of its neural bundles, being able to study the to pinpoint exactly what in our minds in the architecture of the human brain research is needed. completion in 2015 have been met brain at an even greater resolution is make us who we are. that helps provide a potential neural Tracking the connectivity patterns with varying levels of scepticism. next in the neuroscience agenda. Not basis as to why men excel at certain was done using diff usion tensor Studies into the connectivity of the only that, but coupled with further DOI: 10.1073/pnas.1316909110

Why solar cells prefer Adele over Beethoven

current – electric lighters are the containing zinc oxide nanorods, Keir Little example Steve always gives. Th ere is which are a piezoelectric material, and Science Editor evidence that these eff ects are helping measured their response to diff erent in the fi eld of photocatalysis, where levels and frequencies of sound. Th ey sunlight is used to degrade pollutants. found that sound as low as 75dB, such We were interested in whether this as conversation or roadside noise, ould Miley Cyrus help sort of approach might be applicable increased the effi ciency of the cells, lower your energy bills?” to solar cells, and whether sound and that the best response was to asked the Daily Mail. Th e might be able to induce this eff ect.” sound at around 10kHz. answer: probably not, Sound produces a strain which As music is usually played in but ambient noise could could induce a current in piezoelectric Professor Durrant’s lab, the team also Cincrease the effi ciency of solar cells, materials; however, due to the random looked at the response of the cells to WWW.ASSETS.INHABITAT.COM researchers at Imperial College and orientation of sound waves and the diff erent kinds of music. Adeleʼs fan base at her sold out concert Queen Mary University of London fact that the high and low pressure “It’s not very scientifi c,” he admits, synthesised music has more high- vibrations into electricity, this is a have found. eff ects could cancel each other out, the “as it’s hard to quantify the sound frequency sounds than classical.” really exciting development that shows Professor James Durrant of Imperial team were initially doubtful as the amplitudes and frequencies Th ough common silicon cells do a similar set of physical properties can Imperial’s Department of Chemistry that it would signifi cantly aff ect power change. not contain piezoelectric materials, also enhance the performance of a spoke to Felix to explain the fi ndings. output or effi ciency. “Steve thought it Still, we found that the response to they can easily be manufactured into photovoltaic solar cell.” “Myself and Steve Dunn from would work,” said Professor Durrant, Adele was better than to Beethoven or newly-developed printed and polymer Next, the researchers will be looking Queen Mary have been looking at “but I didn’t believe it.” traditional Persian music. solar cells. to understand the mechanistic piezoelectric eff ects, which are when To investigate the eff ect, they At fi rst we didn’t know why that was, Dr Steve Dunn said, “after reasons behind the eff ect, and how it mechanical strain gives an electric manufactured small solar cells but then found that electronically- investigating systems for converting scales with diff erent sound intensities. FRIDAY 06 DEC 11

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FelixScience SCIENCE

Extinction, death and dinosaurs Rosamund Pearce writes for I, Science on resurrecting the extinct

he loss of a species was Not only that, but of the 439 between 6,000-10,000 years ago, once thought to be as eggs used, only 57 developed into well-preserved mammoths are fi nal as the demise of its embryos, only four made it to full routinely dug out of the Siberian last survivor but now, term, and only one survived to birth tundra and scientists have been able thanks to advances in – a pretty poor survival percentage. to collect enough DNA fragments biotechnology,T reviving an extinct Despite these problems, this to piece the genome back together. species is no longer pure fi ction. But breakthrough gave hope to the Sadly, cloning requires much instead of asking “can it be done?” the emerging de-extinction movement more than a reconstructed genome. conversation is changing to “should it and, propelled by a combination Artifi cially assembling DNA can be be done?” of curiosity and conservation, done easily with current technology, Th e possibility of bringing many more de-extinction but free-fl oating DNA is of little use to species back from the grave – a attempts are on the horizon. a cell. Th e real challenge is packaging process known as de-extinction Th e Tasmanian tiger and the the DNA into chromosomes and – was widely popularised by passenger pigeon are just two of inserting this into a nucleus. Th e Michael Crichton’s 1990 book, and the candidates being vetted for shape of the DNA aff ects how it Spielberg’s 1993 fi lm, Jurassic Park. resurrection. Furthermore, in March interacts with chemicals in the Inspired by the advent of genetic 2013, a team from the University cell, and these interactions control engineering, Crichton’s tale gained of New South Wales announced gene expression, a factor every bit cult-status, but just as Aldous Huxley’s that they were attempting to as important as the DNA itself. vision of artifi cial reproduction was bring back the gastric brooding Finding a living mammoth cell brought closer with the advance frog – a bizarre creature that would sidestep such diffi culties, and of IVF technology, so the process used its stomach as a womb. a Japanese-Russian collaboration is of de-extinction has moved from Th e birth of the ibex has also currently leading the hunt for such a WILDLIFE-BLOGSPOT.COM sci-fi concept to real life science. fuelled more ambitious and cell. Th e team plan to use a technique Wolly mammoths...possibly coming to a zoo near you In 2003, a team of French and Spanish controversial ideas. For instance, pioneered for cloning mammals scientists achieved the impossible could such technology be applied from frozen tissue, which was better use by boosting the populations Like it or not, de-extinction task of bringing a species back from to ancient, long-dead species? successfully implemented on a mouse of currently endangered species. technology does have a future. When that had been frozen for 16 years. In anticipation of this, San Diego science is this exciting we just can’t Th e idea is for an elephant to then be Zoo has created the ‘Frozen Zoo’ help being curious. After all, who used as an egg donor and surrogate to project, a biobank storing tissue wouldn’t jump at the chance to see a grow the properly packaged DNA. If a from over 1,000 extant species. real life woolly mammoth? Whether good soft-tissue sample is found, the In a similar vein to the Millennium or not it leads to the all-action researchers say a woolly mammoth Seed Bank Project, it is hoped sci-fi ending remains to be seen. could be born in a matter of years. that the Frozen Zoo can help the Even so, there is a great diff erence survival of critically endangered Find this article, alongside many more between bringing back an individual species as well as providing a kind of on the theme of life and death in I, and bringing back a viable population. insurance policy against extinction. Science this week! De-extinction would at best produce a handful of individuals that may or may not reproduce. And how can we engineer the mammoth’s social structure and behavioural adaptations? Despite these challenges, ambitious plans have already been made for a Pleistocene Park in North-Eastern Siberia. WWW.COLLIDER.COM In a similar spirit to the Jurassic Jeff Goldblum struggles to come to terms with de-extinction Park of literary fi ction, the dream is to restore the tundra to the mammoth the dead, although only temporarily. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem steppe, a vast grassland habitat. Th e Pyrenean Ibex was a large, like dinosaurs will be brought back Bison and reindeer have already been mountain-dwelling member of any time soon as DNA decays with reintroduced, but the arrival of the the goat genus Capra that went time, and cloning technologies mammoth may take a little longer. extinct due to grazing pressure require pristine DNA for success. Unsurprisingly, de-extinction is from domestic and wild ungulates Within hours of death, cells start highly controversial. Th e implications in 2000. When the last Pyrenean the process of apoptosis, which of such initiatives are hard to predict, Ibex died, its cells were preserved releases enzymes that shatter and there are questions regarding and, later, a nucleus from these cells DNA into an indecipherable mess. the well-being of the clones. was injected into a denucleated As it ages, DNA also undergoes Recent sequencing of Neanderthal domestic goat egg, which was then chemical changes that alter the DNA has made cloning the homo implanted into a surrogate mother. nucleotides – the base guanine species theoretically possible, bringing In 2003, a clone was born. For changes into adenine, and us into unfamiliar ethical territory. the fi rst time ever an animal had cytosine changes to thymine. Even eff orts to resurrect recently been brought back from extinction. So much time has passed that it’s extinct animals are divisive. Sadly, the baby ibex died shortly inconceivable the full genome of While advocates say that we have after birth due to lung defects. Rather dinosaurs such as Tyrannosaurus a moral responsibility to bring than rejuvenating the Pyrenean Rex, which died out around 65 back the creatures we drove to Ibex, it served only to provide million years ago, would have extinction, critics argue that such an unfortunate demonstration survived to the present day. strategies hinder eff orts to save the of the obstacles that remain in Could a woolly mammoth be a habitats and species that remain. reproductive cloning technology. more realistic goal? Disappearing Perhaps resources would be put to 12 FRIDAY 06 DEC FRIDAY 06 DEC 13

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FelixImperial COMMENT Ramblings on Personal Legend

in which children are tortured.” Th e knowledge has yielded dividends for so-called ‘lost generation’ of Syrian humanity as a whole. Particle physics Eoghan Tottentten children serves as a case in point. How demonstrates that, as we continue to Comment Editoror can an individual best serve humanity strip layers from the fabric of the uni- @eoghantottenn in the modern age while staying true verse, there will always be more sur- to oneself? prises awaiting us. Modern medicine One might argue that the 21st cen- has extended our life span. Freedom tury is one of pragmatism, that with a of information undermines inequality. aul Coelho’s best-selling growing population and consumption Th ese revelations share the common novel, Th e Alchemist, of both our land and resources, ad- thread of our humanity in an imper- reminds us to be true ministering to ‘the self’ is fundamen- fect world. To my mind Coelho hit the to ourselves and to seek tally unjust. Th e concept of pilgrimage nail on the head in a 2005 New York out our ‘personal legend’. serves as a suitable allegory. People Times interview, “I believe enlighten- PA king advises Santiago, the chief have travelled for centuries, yearning ment or revelation comes in daily life. protagonist, that, “when you really to absorb and utilise as much of our I look for joy, the peace of action. You want something to happen, the natural world as possible by search- need action.” whole universe conspires so that your ing for inner unity and insight. Th e In brief, it could be argued that, in wish comes true.”. Th is in itself is an modern irony is that, when travelling, searching for our personal legend uplifting prospect. In spite of this we actively tarnish the world around in the 21st century, we aff ect (for the various realities and suff erings us (through travel on planes, trains better or worse) humanity’s collective happening around the world on a daily etc.). Even the pursuit of knowledge legend. We cannot turn back. Our basis demonstrate that this is, all too via modern channels impinges on the sphere of existence is what it is. Each often, far from the truth. A line that planet (laptops, tablets etc. require one of us will do as we always have and I read in Albert Camus’ Th e Plague both plastic and rare earth metals). administer to ourselves. Who knows? emboldened this for me. “To the day Th is might be perceived to be a Th e world may change for the better I die I shall refuse to love this creation negative take on things. Th e pursuit of by doing so. GEEKPEEKS.COM Silvio Berlusconi: Down and Out of Europe without having to hold long infer that the end of his reign should job at running Italy and he had to ally testifi es to how anomalous the Italian Pietro Aronicaa discussions regarding Berlusconi’s tri- be a signifi cant event. with the Nazis to accomplish that. situation has become. I will keep Writer als. Maybe we can extirpate the men- Despite the momentousness of Th is is not something that can be on following the political scene and tality of illegality that he has protected what has happened I cannot cheer. solved overnight. People vote for voting. I will do all else that I can do and fostered. I, for one, am not going Berlusconi has made the country him in droves because he has an iron from here. Perhaps I’ll return one to hold my breath. poorer, both in wealth and spirit. Th e grip on the minds of many. He has day, better equipped to help than I n the 27th of I’ve been awaiting this moment eff ects of these twenty years will long inculcated a mentality of nepotism am now. Italy will otherwise remain November 2013 for many years, and I don’t mean my outlast him. Apart from running the and corruption in Italy that has taken a disappointment for me, a country at 17:43 Silvio adult life. As a child I remember being economy into the ground and making root to unprecedented levels. Th ere of great culture, of immense value Berlusconi was lectured on how Berlusconi was a many useless or deleterious reforms, have been corrupt people in Italy and potential, a nation that could and expelled from the crook and a cheater. Luckily, at that he has made my country the subject before (including corrupt people in should help Europe and the world. OSenate of the Italian Republic; he no time, his crimes ‘merely’ consisted of jokes and ridicule. He has forced charge) but none of them have been Alas, it is shackled by ineff ective and longer represents anyone but himself. of tax evasion, fraud, Mafi a deals me, along with thousands of my so successful at it. None have been corrupt leaders. When I see the latest He cannot abuse his parliamentary and conspiracy against the state, so compatriots, to leave Italy, in order so unrepentant, so blatant, in their news on the weather, wreaking havoc seat anymore to avoid his legal I was spared from having to learn to fi nd proper studying opportunities disregard for the common good. thanks to corrupt administrators, troubles. He cannot run for offi ce about prostitution rings. Despite this, (let alone work). He has prolonged the Th ere are millions who believe his mothers forcing their underage and may even be tried for his various Berlusconi has always been the central culture of chauvinism, homophobia falsehoods and it will take nothing daughters into prostitution or the crimes. player of Italian politics as long as I’ve and intolerance that other, better short of an entire generational change widespread and barbarous exhibitions In a way, if you’ll forgive me a cliché, been able to rudimentarily understand nations have already begun to cast to fi nally rid us of his shameful legacy. of racist mentality or a magnate that it’s the end of an era. Berlusconi has it (if anyone can claim to). You might off . Only Mussolini has done a worse If this comes across as bitter and lies his way to freedom (and dupes warped and corrupted Italian politics hopeless it’s because I am, profoundly millions while those who should fi ght by neglecting the country to solve so. Th e mere fact that we have to him are too spineless, litigious or his personal issues. He has created a celebrate when a senator is expelled outright accomplices to do so). I am barbarous culture of illegality. Th e right from Parliament on fraud charges reminded of my favourite defi nition of has become a joke (divided between Italy; a heaven inhabited by demons. xenophobes and his spineless serfs). Th e left has either been entrenched in its own pseudo-intellectualism or “ too complacent to fi ght him properly. Perhaps I’ll return one day, better Furthermore, another party has risen as the direct expression of Berlusconi’s equipped to help than I am now. Italy message of base populism, appeal to might otherwise remain a disappointment the masses and divinely inspired self- righteousness. for me. It should be a country of great With his political demise, however, culture, of immense value and potential, we can, perhaps, hope to move on. Maybe we’ll get a political party wor- a nation that could and should help thy of defi nition instead of the bands of conniving speculators that mostly Europe and the world. Alas, it is shackled sit in parliament. Maybe we can start by ineffective and corrupt leaders. discussing the economy, investment in education and research and the role ” 14 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editors: Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey COMMENT [email protected] Christmas Confessions of a GTA There will come a time when you donʼt have to work at Christmas

My course was such that I had fi nals in is: if this rings a bell with you, keep completely drunk at a party and hit like half price mince pies or fi nishing The GTA January, and not mid to late January, going. Th ere will be Christmases on someone you’ll never talk to again, that stupid coursework. If we made it Anonymous but starting on the 5th. Th at holiday, around the corner where you can get but right now enjoy the little things through you can too. I took one day off for Christmas. It always baffl ed me why Imperial was confused about the low satisfaction ratings. Tests on a Friday afternoon on hristmas at Imperial as an the last day of term are not exactly a undergrad quite literally positive infl uence on our mood levels. sucks. All I can remember Th is year, looking at it from the other was all my friends from side, the undergrads look as ill as I felt. alternative universities I have three invigilations booked in Chaving a fantastic time with mulled the next two weeks and still more for wine, carols, slightly questionable the fi rst week of January. So I’m afraid decisions at the Christmas dinners, it is not looking bright for a change in and retiring home to make snowmen the future. So for all of you who are with all their lovely family. Meanwhile suff ering this I wanted to instil a bit I had more than fi ve peices of of Christmas hope; It really does get coursework on the go, numerous better. tests, and ‘fun’ end of term activities I’ve always thought I hated on my course, that were hideously Christmas. All the pressure to be happy weighted so you could not pass if and thrilled about life, but actually it is you were slightly the worse for wear pretty great when you don’t think you in the morning. Instead of acting out are going to fail anything if you take the Christmas dream, I was struggling the weekend to go shopping. Suddenly to get out of the department, at all. I I was helping with a carol concert, often found myself wondering what putting up decorations, enjoying a halls actually looked like at this time mulled cider, and chatting about the of year, or whether it was light outside possibility of snow. I have two weeks (there’s an app for that). I was at my off ! Th is has not happened since mock most excited on the last day of term, at GCSEs over 7 years ago. my joyful reunion with my bed. So my confession for this week, CRAZY-FRANKENSTEIN.COM Th e low point had to be fourth year. though not as cheery as I would like A single unicorn beats Santaʼs nine reindeer any day. How to procrastinate at Christmas And not feel (too) guilty about it

seasonal celebrations) parties are use Christmas as an opportunity to Tessa Daveyavey always fun and we should make sure take a step back and do something Comment EditorEditor that we fi nd time to enjoy them. But not directly related to your course what if you really need to be studying purely because you enjoy it. It won’t for those exams, and the constant necessarily get you better marks in study guilt prevents you from relaxing that coursework (unless someone’s properly? I think that I solved this involved in a project investigating the s a student at Imperial, problem, and I would encourage you material properties of gingerbread, the lead up to to do the same: turn the festivities into please someone let me know if that is Christmas can seem study material. actually a thing), or help you remember like one of the busiest Are you an engineer? Use some that equation you’re inevitably going times of the year, a of your recently-acquired skills to to forget in your upcoming exam, feelingA compounded by the multitude build something challenging. Out of but it might rejuvenate your passion of seasonal events that you just have gingerbread. Are you a physicist or for your subject, which will help get to go to. No matter how overwhelmed mathematician? Conduct an analysis you through all those times over the you’re feeling, there are always some of the fl ows of people around the holidays when you’ll be cracking open parties that you will just refuse to mistletoe. A medic? Examine alcohol your textbooks when all your non- miss, because everyone knows that related injuries and off er your friends Imperial friends are passed out in a reservations and propriety fl y out hangover cures. Not obviously food coma at the foot of the Christmas the window as soon as mulled wine specialised to the season, but you’ll tree. and mistletoe are involved. Whether make a lot of people happy if you do it Everyone needs a break now and you’re the kind of person who’s at the wearing antlers or a Santa hat. You get then, but you’ll feel a bit less guilty front line of the drama, or you just like the idea; every subject can be adapted about the time off if you utilise it watching it unfold, Christmas parties to some festive fun. in a somewhat productive manner. are often unmissable, and a good way You’re studying at Imperial because And if, like me, you opt for a giant to release the stress that’s gradually at some point, you decided that you gingerbread creation, you’ll fi nd that built up throughout the term. love your subject. It’s really easy to offl oading large quantities of sugar So we get it; no matter what else you lose track of that amidst all the maths onto your friends does wonders for With a bit of ingenuity and a lot of fl our, you could make something this delicious should be doing, Christmas (or other lectures and tedious labs, so why not your social standing.

16 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editors: Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey COMMENT [email protected] Debate: Should gender segregated seating be allowed in universities?

Usman S. Rory Fenton Comment Writer YESComment Writer NO

es, student societies should be t is astounding how quickly we forget or allowed to have events where wilfully ignore that human rights are there men and women who wish to be to protect people – not beliefs. Worryingly, seated separately have the option “ we increasingly see this confused notion “ of that accommodation. When The true problem, of rights being applied on UK campuses. Universities have a itY comes to an individual’s beliefs, views and and the reason why this IWhether it’s student groups intimidated duty to protect the rights of choices (which, by the way, are at the very heart for “blasphemy”, as at LSE and Reading, or their students, they do not of human rights and not merely a sidenote), altogether harmless issue religious societies refusing unmarried women the ethical standpoint must be to respect that receives so much undue permission to speak, as at Bristol, this trumping have a duty to protect their individual’s autonomy if it is within our capacity of individual rights by the supposed rights of beliefs. to do so. Th ere needs to be watertight reasoning attention, is because of “beliefs” is increasingly common. for the beliefs in the column opposite to come the false conception that before the beliefs of the audience of an event gender segregation by Th e recent guidance from Universities UK was Many religious student societies will hold” their and their student society. by-and-large what you would expect; how to own events, such as collective worship, at which some conservative groups handle far-right speakers, what kind of speech students will choose to separate themselves by Time now for the inappropriate and, frankly, follows the same model as might fall foul of hate-speech laws and what sex in accordance with their beliefs. Insofar disrespectful comparisons between separate groups are banned under anti-terror legislation. as this is voluntary, this is acceptable. What seating arrangements and Apartheid, US pre- the supremacism outlined But nestled in the report was a bizarre and Universities UK have endorsed, however, is civil rights, and even Nazi Germany (honestly, above. backward recommendation; universities should enforced segregation, with students told where I’ve seen this last analogy with my own eyes). be willing to enforce sex segregation between to sit, according to their sex, or they can leave. In this shadow, it is unsurprising that the word male and female audience members if a speaker Th e report then goes on to consider having a ‘segregation’ carries a lot of emotional baggage, ” requests it. third, mixed sex section of the audience as well but the diff erences could not be more signifi cant. that the Equality Act 2010 does not object as a male and a female section. Incredibly, this Racial supremacism in all its forms is a stain to separate seating by gender (a separation Th e report’s peculiar logic ran as follows: apparent compromise is then rejected by the on humanity, a hatred fuelled by the desire to that happens all around us, from changing speakers have the right to free speech but if their report, which warns that to insist on a third dominate the other. What we are talking about rooms to hospitals) in the absence of less demands for sex segregation are not met they mixed sex section may still be infringing on here is a choice made by both males and females, favourable treatment, is a reasoned one. It will refuse to speak. Th erefore to not enforce sex the rights of the speaker to have a segregated it is not about discrimination towards one or the develops further and becomes more interesting, segregation is to deny the speakers’ freedom of audience. Th e report goes as far as to say that other as it is so often made out to be. discussing the question mark over the ‘right’ speech. Th e report is careful only to endorse the non-religious beliefs, such as feminism, should to a third, unsegregated area, in light of ‘nice’ kind of segregation with men and women take second place to “sincerely held” religious Which brings us to the elephant in the room. Th e responsibility towards divergent views. It seems split on the left and right hand sides of a lecture beliefs. Th at’s right; the mere fact that they are true problem, and the reason why this altogether to me, however, that we cannot progress in our theatre rather than front and back, the logic here religious makes some beliefs more important harmless issue receives so much undue discourse until we fi rst accept that forcing men being that men and women are being treated than others because, of course, Feminist can’t be attention, is because of the false conception that and women to sit together should they not wish ‘equally separately’, whatever that means. sincere in their beliefs. gender segregation by some conservative groups to do so is an infringement on their autonomy. follows the same model as the supremacism We cannot progress until we accept that this is Th is logic has echoes of the old racially Th e Universities UK report focuses on sex outlined above. Indeed, my respected opponent not about hierarchy or oppression, and – just segregated Deep South of the United States; because it’s an issue that has come up before but himself has previously written that it “stems perhaps – it might be worth asking both the separate but equal. To argue that segregation there is no reason for its logic to stop there. If a from ideologies that view women as very much females and the males who subscribe to this is not inherently unequal is to fail to see just racist is invited to speak – should he not have inferior to men”. Whether he still believes this position why it is they do so. why men and women are being kept apart in the audience forcibly segregated into whites or not, I don’t know, but it could not be further the fi rst place; this drive for segregation stems and non-whites? What if his beliefs are really from the truth. In conservative religious groups, To close, I would say that there is room for from ideologies that view women as very much “sincerely held”? Could the EDL insist on all maintaining a respectful distance between the further mature and academic discussion inferior to men. To allow these ideologies Muslim students sitting separately? Of course genders is important – as with, for example, on the subject, but we must be ever wary power in UK universities is to betray hard-won Universities UK would never support this. respect for the elderly, or compassion for the of delegitimising beliefs which we may not individual rights and the principle that in public young – in preserving the moral fabric of understand, of sensationalism creeping into the spaces all must be treated equally. Separate is In advocating for enforced sex segregation society. Why should it be assumed that the discourse, and of views tainted by baseless or never equal. they are cowardly capitulating to religious cultural narrative in the column opposite under fundamentally misconstrued assumptions. extremists in a way they surely never would the guise of “fair access” is superior? Just as the Th e Universities UK report treats the ideology to political extremists. In bending to these right to sit beside one’s male or female friend driving the segregation as if it were something extremists, universities betray the moderate is being championed, so must we protect the inherent to the speaker that he (and it will majority in religious groups who do not wish rights of those who choose to sit apart. always be he) can’t help, as if requiring him to to see segregation or, at least, would not want it speak to a mixed sex room would be like asking to be forced on others. Men and women should Th e Universities UK conclusion on the matter him to levitate. Th e reality is that ideologies are sit where they wish. Universities have a duty to (as published this November as part of guidance chosen and speakers alone are responsible for protect the rights of their students, they do not to student unions regarding external speakers), them, not their audience. have a duty to protect their beliefs. Union Page

Oppose the Immigration Bill Help us fight against Government proposals that would unfairly penalise international students and damage the UK’s standing as a global leader in higher education.

The UK Government is set to release a new immigration bill which would introduce yet more unfair conditions for international students. These changes will impact on international students - who make up 75% of all those in the UK who are subject to visa controls.

We will be lobbying Members of Parliament, including members of the House of Lords. Union Council, the voice of Imperial College students, unanimously voted to oppose the bill and to work with the National Union of Students on this issue.

To learn more and show your support, visit our campaign pages online.

imperialcollegeunion.org/immigration-bill

We love Christmas Dinners!

With less than 23 days to go until Christmas, it’s time for the Union’s famous Christmas dinners to return as the best value turkey dinners (or nut roasts for vegetarians) on campus.

Starting tomorrow and running every Tuesday and Thursday lunchtime and evening until the end of term, we will be serving up a plate-full of Christmas dinner with all of the trimmings, including a Christmas cracker!

With turkey or nut roast (sweet pistachios, cashew nuts with mushrooms and spinach), roast potatoes, pigs in blankets (not with the nut roast!), parsnips, carrots, sprouts, gravy and cranberry sauce all for only £6.50, the dinners are a wintery treat not to be missed.

So, join us for Christmas Dinners at the Union in FiveSixEight between 12:00 -

imperialcollegeunion.org/christmas-dinner

Give it a Go returns in January Student Academic Choice Awards

Give It A Go ran for the first time at Imperial College Union in October After a successful launch last year, the Student Academic Choice 2013. It encouraged almost 3,000 students to take opportunities and Awards are back and nominations are open! attend trips or try new activities before committing to joining one of our 300+ Clubs, Societies & Projects. GIAG provided a great way for people The Student Academic Choice Awards – or SACAs – enable students to find out about some of the great events our student groups organise. to celebrate and reward excellence and innovation amongst Imperial’s academic and professional staff. We aim to build a community in which We asked if you thought you would benefit from a second GIAG and academics, staff and students all feel empowered to bring forth new 76% said yes, so it will be back in January 2014! Clubs can sign up to ideas. GIAG for free advertising and promotion of events in booklets, online and in person on South Kensington campus. These events are open to Every student at Imperial will have the chance to recognise the non-members and every student can see a calendar of events they can innovation, skill, engagement and energy of the staff they learn with. attend without commitments! Nominate someone today on the Union website.

imperialcollegeunion.org/give-it-a-go imperialcollegeunion.org/sacas

imperialcollegeunion.org 18 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editors: Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey COMMENT [email protected] Student Protests in Ukraine Letters Why don’t you click on this cool link?

Christy Kelly Hey Hun,weI found your email going Writer thru some profi les. I’m just looking for fun... think you can handle this?

I came across your email going thru he dramatic events in Ukraine in Brother to the East. Putin clearly doesn’t want Mind you, Yulia Tymoshenko is not some profi les. I’m just looking for fun... recent weeks have again brought Ukraine to integrate more with the EU, and perhaps as much the fairy-tale candidate the country into the headlines. Th e the oil debacles in 2006 and 2009 show Putin that Guardian readers would like to believe. think you can handle this? mainly student protests in Kiev isn’t scared of punishing sheep that stray Perhaps this is just prejudice, but I am not are about reneged promises over too far from the fl ock. Th e criminal actions sure that becoming one of the richest people Check out my pics here, maybe we Tfurther integration with the EU. in Chechnya are perhaps a more sinister in the country during a period where GDP Before we come to the table with our example. Th is brings us nicely to internal shrunk to 40% of its Soviet era economy is should meet up and be friends with personal prejudices and biases over the EU politics: President Yanukovych was widely quite justifi ed by business sense and initiative. benefi ts ;) Hope you Like what you see! (and both UKIP and the idiotic liberal reaction seen as the ‘Russian’ candidate in the 2004 Despite the personal diffi culties she has no to UKIP suggest we have many) we need to ‘election’, and indeed the base of his support doubt faced since her arrest in 2001, it was the remember Edward Said’s warning that very is in the predominantly ethnically Russian incompetence and infi ghting of the Orange http://goo.gl/uvgQdW few political principles survive translation, east. Ukraine is infamous for its East/West revolutionaries that brought Yanukovych Claris Alway inserted, as they are, into a new set of power divide, with the country more pro-Soviet as back to power. Finally, Tymoshenko is all too relations. Th e fi rst directly relevant point here you head east, and these protests have once cosy with the wrong sorts of people: note her is that Ukraine is the world’s third largest again thrown this factor into relief. meetings with Dick Cheney and Condoleeza Ed. - Seriously SpamBot Alway, is that exporter of grain. Certainly the EU protects Yanukovych is without doubt a dubious Rice in 2007, or her transformation into the best you can do? Why do you even its farmers (and as a leftist I should like to character, with very serious allegations Russia’s preferred candidate in 2010. bother? You know I’ll only click this link point out the cost to third world farmers that of corruption levelled at him, despite the One fi nal word: democratic uprisings have this protectionist policy has) and Ukraine highfalutin rhetoric. Th en there was the a life of their own. Slavoj Žižek once made a if I’m extremely bored never ever click has much to gain from joining the EU. blatant electoral fraud in 2004 which led to wonderful point about how best to rewrite your suspicious link that clearly leads to Antigone. However, as the continuing economic crises the Orange Revolution. Th e revolution was Forget the fi ghts between Creon http://GiveMEAVirusForChristmas.Org. in Greece, Spain etc. show, the integration perhaps more of the type we physicists are and Antigone, the chorus should send both of a notoriously fragile economy into the EU used to dealing with as Yanukovych soon to the prison camps and start life in a new Gov.RandomTLD... may well be tantamount to handing the keys saw himself back in power in 2010, elected commune. My call to the people of Ukraine is over to Germany. in perhaps the cleanest election in the post- analogous; forget the Mafi oso politicians and EU aside, there is the ever perennial Big Soviet bloc to date. gas baronesses. Unite and protest! Why don’t you call me?

Dear Editor, One term down, two It’s been days since you last called me! What’s the matter? Are you too busy more to go! with your friends to have any time for me?

Joseph Letts Why do you take so long to reply to my Editor-in-Chief calls? You know that I’ll bring you food and new clothes if you just pick up and dial! And we can have such a great chat, we’ve got so many things to catch up ell, this is it! Th e moment with! you’ve all been waiting for! With one week left until the end of the I’ve sent this letter to all of your per- College term, the Felix sonal accounts and sent a letter to your teamW is happy to present you one fi nal issue before we take a break over the Christmas offi ce all in the hope of hearing from holidays! you! But never fear, because although we might not be in print for the next few weeks, we’ll still be fairly active online, when not scoffi ng Love, mince pies or drinking some of Tessa’s lovely M gingerbread vodka (it really is nice). Now you may not celebrate Christmas, but there’s one gift that we all receive from Ed. - Dear Mother, thank you for your our belevolent masters at College, and that various emails and voicemail messages. is a novely break far away from campus (well rembember that you’re at least 1/3 through the festive period, don’t forget to take a break It seems as though I always just miss for most people). Th ink not of coursework, the year now, so things can only get better! every now and then, lest your energy stores revision or exams while you frolick around If you’re lucky enough to see some snow, dry up and you involuntarily collapse in your call whenever you ring. Maybe try in the snow outside (during your 20 minute send some tweets to @felixImperial and we’ll front of a day long special edition of the Paul calling on Wednesday, I’ll be at this re- revision break) or while you set up yet another be sure to give you some retweet love! Maybe O’Grady Show. Trust us, there are far better ally quite room called Metric... episode of Archer on NetFlix. we’ll even be able to beat the BBC’s insipid things! As you prepare to come back next term and snow coverage (no pun observed). Felix hopes you have a wonderful winter face whatever comes next Felix hopes that you For those of you who have revision over holiday and a fantastic new year :) FRIDAY 06 DEC 19

@feliximperial

FelixImperial ARTS Scientific sound art at GV Art Kamil McClelland talks to Mendel Kaelen, an Imperial PhD student whose artwork is on display in the GV Art Gallery in London kind of romantic vision of nature at a recording equipment with me. What: NOISE & Whispers subconscious level in my practice. Afterwards, I thought about how Where: GV Art Gallery, W1 I could recreate that experience for When: 8th Nov - 14th Dec 2013 So how was the exhibition? What are you trying to do with your listeners. I came up with the idea of Price: FREE music? Are you trying to capture having a beer can hanging upside a landscape, reveal some hidden down, lonely in a dark space, and Mendel Kaelen received his BSc and reality, or just create emotion? Do playing these sounds really subtly. MSc in neurological and behavioural you think about these things when Th ere was intrusiveness in the original sciences at the State University of you create your music? soundscape, and I wanted to invert Gronigen, and is now doing a PhD that by playing the sounds very softly, at Imperial College. He also works Absolutely! Th at question has much as an invitation for closer inspection. as a sound artist and experimental to do with how I defi ne art. I see Planet Earth fl oats as a peaceful pearl musician and is currently exhibiting art as a form of communication – a in black space, but a close look reveals at the GV Art Gallery’s NOISE & language that is irrational, and that the acts of joy and genocide being Whispers exhibition. doesn’t bother to be rational. It gives played out simultaneously. So only voice to those forces you feel inside with your ears next to the can do you So Mendel, what are you researching that are diffi cult to quantify. When hear the songs that celebrate booze and at the moment in your PhD? I create art myself, I see it as giving football and those that glorify rape and people a symbol that that bypasses prostitution, all performed together. We are looking at the neurological the intellect. It’s about giving people a What is psychologically interesting eff ects of psychedelic drugs. We do so phenomenologically rich experience. is that as an outsider, you won’t hear COURTESY SUSAN ALEXJANDER AND GV ART at ‘resting state’, meaning that people the diff erence. Th e sounds are locked In 1913, the futurist Luigi Russolo constructed a manifesto that was to in the scanner are allowed to lie there Do you see your work as academic? up, and resonance and overtones are transform how we thought of sound. In L’arte dei Rumori (Th e Art of Noises), with their eyes closed, letting their created by it being played inside this he redefi ned music for an era of machinery, electricity and dynamism. minds wander freely. No, not at all; I see it as art, and enclosed metal space. Western musical convention was, for him, far too limiting when an infi nite In 2001, researchers found that art is not academic for me. Th at palette of noises lay out there. certain brain regions are actually doesn’t mean it cannot be inspired by Do you feel a visual element to your Today, sound art aims to realise this dream, and one hundred years more active at rest. My supervisors scientifi c concepts, though. Science sound art is quite important then? on, NOISE &Whispers at the GV Art Gallery displays works that, by any found that psychedelics seem to very is about objective truth; it provides traditional defi nitions, would not be considered music. Here, art is fused specifi cally target these resting state explanations of reality no matter what Yes, although this is not always the with modern technology, generating sound works that manipulate Earth’s networks, and my research builds on you may feel about this reality, whilst case, as some is best experienced in innate rhythms into pieces that enhance our experience of our environment. this. art is about subjective reality and what complete darkness. Th en, the visual From the moment you put on the headphones, you see just how radical you experience. Th eoretically they element is your mind’s eye. It is Russolo was. Any ideas of conventional melody are abandoned, replaced Moving on to your art, how would are extremely diff erent, but they both however often the visual part of a work by an expanse of microtonal minutiae created through fi eld recordings and you describe what you do? have to do with, in a very abstract that triggers your fi rst associations, digital modulation. Is this music? Well, it depends on how you defi ne it – sense, fi nding explanations for your when it’s presented to you. So I but most of those I have asked don’t think so, regarding it as unpleasant Ever since I started experimenting with experience of life. think it is important that the visual background noise that has no place in the ‘elite’ art of music. sounds, I became really fascinated by art resonates with what you want to Th erefore, one must approach NOISE &Whispers with an open mind. environmental ones. Field recording What are your main artistic communicate with your sound. Despite representing one hundred years of musical development, some plays a very central position in my infl uences? works may still seem unconventional or hard to understand. Preconceptions work – although I also work with In your works are you actively trying will be challenged; that is for certain. However, in places, pieces may seem objects and instruments. Th ey are a rich blend of science, to convey the emotion the fi eld oddly familiar, preserving the repetitive, electronic texture of much of Furthermore I often don’t use these literature, music and visual art. I keep recording originally gave you? today’s popular music whilst abandoning its ‘pleasant’ chord progressions. fi eld recordings in their pure form. I being inspired by new musicians; Science and art, so often at odds, fi nd harmony in this exhibition. am more interested in how the sound it’s a never-ending process. Works I always make something from my own Th rough science, the artists are able to unearth the inherent sounds of our feels, rather than what it is. After I by Francisco Lopez have greatly emotions, but the output is always a atmosphere, revealing melody that we never knew existed. Raxil4’s Solaris modulate my recordings, you often aff ected my artistic development. He surprise. You also never have control Beta even manages to extract the sound of the sun through conversion of don’t recognize the original sound any works with fi eld recordings in very over what the audience feels. I got pressure oscillations on the solar surface into an audible format, creating an more, but you still have this organic immersive, abstract works. Th ere is rid of that idea very soon after my acoustic domain like nothing ever heard before. quality to it. one of his albums called La Selva that fi rst release in 2010, when it became Without any formal musical background, I found the lack of visual art really opened my ears to new ways of clear that everyone had their own in the exhibition disconcerting at fi rst. It appeared occasionally, maybe a Why do you fi nd natural sounds listening. unique thoughts about the music. In photograph or fi lm clip, but existed more as an accompaniment to audio so appealing, as opposed to purely the beginning, a part of me didn’t like recordings, as opposed to being the focus of sensation. It seems sound art is electronic sounds? Talk to me about your piece on that because I wanted to communicate a genre often best experienced with closed eyes, introspective, allowing you display at the GV art gallery. something very specifi c. But now I to construct your own imagined world. I don’t think they’re more interesting. realise that this is something beautiful; Sound art never achieved any great commercial success. It is often For instance, I have a deep appreciation Altered Space of Consciousness started you create a piece, but what people do described as monotonous, uninteresting and overly academic, and I can for the work of artists like Carsten very intuitively back in Groningen, with it is up to them. understand where this criticism is coming from. Listening to a whole gallery Nicolai, where often there is no natural where I was studying neuroscience. I of such intense music can become strenuous and tiring. I feel it takes a context at all. I just tend to constrain often found myself driving home in the What do you see for the future of certain state of mind to fully appreciate these works, a state of utter mental myself at the moment, to give myself middle of the night. At night, the city your art? relaxation, and only then are you able to succumb to this deep sonic massage. focus. centre turns into this carnage of human But NOISE & Whispers is a must-see. It may seem experimental, and However, I do fi nd it appealing that instincts; people are very disinhibited. Right now I’m focusing more on not conventionally beautiful, but it cannot be missed. Th e exhibition has they represent, both concretely and I would always try to avoid it; it had a live performances and installations. changed my perception of the environment, honing my ears to pick up on in a more abstract sense, forces of kind of intrusiveness to it. However, I Where everything is going, I don’t atmospheric noises usually ignored and appreciate them for their unique nature. We are constantly surrounded eventually found it fascinating to listen know. But I do want to keep creating timbral characteristics. Moreover, its ability to combine science and art by mechanistic sounds, so it is easy and overcome my resistance to that and developing the character of my so seamlessly is exceptional, applying scientifi c objectivity to art where to become estranged from these soundscape. So then every time I drove pieces. My art will always express how previously only the subjective experience of truth and emotion existed. natural ones. Maybe I still have a back home, I would bring my sound I develop as a person. 20 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editor: Arianna Sorba ARTS [email protected] World class opera in our backyard terms is misleading; these aren’t simply lesson. In my view these technical Emiel De Lange students, but the next generation of challenges were handled less Writer stars, some of whom I suspect may successfully than in L’ He ur e , although one day grace the stage in Covent for a group with such limited resources Garden. To put it simply, the vocal they were inventive and impressively What: Ravel Double Bill – L’heure performances were of the highest carried out. Espagnole & L’enfant et les Sortilèges quality, and in such a small theatre My companion was more convinced, Where: Royal College of Music, these young voices carried magically. though we were both left a little Britten Theatre, SW6 Th e orchestra, too were fantastic, with confused at some of the directorial When: 6th and 7th Dec, 7.30pm the fi nesse and virtuosity of the best choices, such as ‘trees’ being Price: £10, £20, £30, £40 professional ensembles. represented by cogs on chains. Apart Th e fi rst opera performed was from this, the performance was equally L’Heure Espagnole (the Spanish Hour), strong as L’ He ur e , and showcased ur prestigious a raucous, witty and sexy aff air about some fantastic action for the chorus. neighbour, the Royal a rather ‘hungry’ housewife juggling Th e end result was a beautifully lit and College of Music, her three suitors while her husband touching portrayal of the boy wanting is a fortress tucked is out. Ravel’s sensuous scoring gives his ‘maman’. away behind our each character a colourful and distinct Opera is after all a kind of ‘total’ Oown Sherfi eld building. Until now its personality, yet isn’t afraid to descend art form, a gesamtkunst (to borrow a activities had been hidden from me; to humourous sound eff ects when term from Richard Wagner), and this but I am so glad that that has fi nally slapstick is called for. Th e production is clearly a concept understood by changed. was genuinely funny and beautifully the creative team. Th e stagecraft was Th is week I attended the premiere transparent in its approach. Only impressive for such a small platform, of a Ravel double bill opera, produced the fi nal quintet was clumsy, and the complete with multi-layered sets and and performed by the Royal College choreography a little confused. Th e cast moving staircases, and some theatrical of Music (RCM) International Opera managed to portray their obnoxious illusions were pulled off brilliantly. Th e School. Given the relatively low ticket and self-absorbed characters without lighting was creative and atmospheric – prices and the proximity to campus – becoming caricatures, which is no although a little limited as occasionally it’s basically on campus – there’s not mean feat – even if some of the greater singers were left in the dark. much of an excuse not to go, and if the subtleties of comic acting weren’t fully All of this gave an impression of world of opera has yet to open itself to there. professionalism, and, when combined you, then this is an ideal introduction. We were then witness to Ravel’s with the enthusiastic and skilful I must admit I wasn’t entirely ‘other’ opera, L’Enfant et les Sortilèges musical performance, an enthralling sure what to expect. Yes, this is the (the Child and the Spells), also in one and engaging spectacle resulted. I famous RCM, but surely I shouldn’t act. Th is magical fairy tale involves couldn’t think of a better way to spend anticipate all too much from a student furniture coming alive and talking a few evening hours away from the production? But to put it in those animals teaching an insolent boy his library. ROYAL COLLEGE OF MUSIC The invention of vibrators... hat’s in a name? Ruhl uses this rather amusing premise coming in to be treated for “a rare case act picks up considerably, with the Clara Clark Nevola Probably some to kick start her piece; Dr. Givings is a of male hysteria”, and the black wet whole cast showing a remarkable talent Writer erotica, as the renowned New York doctor who treats nurse Elizabeth, who visits regularly and turning the piece into a far more name is “Th e patients for hysteria, helped by his no- to compensate for Catherine’s lack vivid, real performance than what the Vibrator Play”. nonsense nurse Annie. Meanwhile, of milk. Th ese characters intertwine, fi rst act achieved. As the curtains close UnquestionablyW the play lives up to its as the patients come and go, his wife creating a complex web of interpersonal on a romantic, snowy embrace you What: In The Next Room, or, The name, with a certain amount of overt Catherine sits downstairs fretting relationships, by turns comic, touching might even fi nd yourself shedding a Vibrator Play sexual content. But In the Next Room about her baby, who she cannot feed and shocking. tear or two. Where: St James Theatre, SW1 or Th e Vibrator Play is also much, suffi ciently for lack of breast milk. Th e two female leads, Catherine In Th e Next Room encompasses When: 13th Nov – 4th Jan 2014 much more than a bawdy comedy or Th e next room, the doctor’s (Natalie Casey) and Mrs. Daldry (Flora comedy, emotion, sex, scientifi c Price: £15 to £50 theatrical pornography. American examination room, is the real keystone Montgomery) are truly captivating innovation, race, history, gender playwright Sarah Ruhl has created a of this performance. Not only is the characters from the very fi rst scene, relations and mental health issues. But piece that deals with the most intimate stage brilliantly set up in a two tiers, drawing the audience into the chaotic it is not just a list of buzzwords: it’s a of human relationships: husband and so that the public can follow the action Givings household and making up for truly moving, thought provoking piece wife, doctor and patient, woman and in both rooms at the same time, but the sometimes shakier performance of that deals with human relationships at confi dante, mother and child, man and the physical space represents the the other cast members. Th e second their rawest. woman. emotional content that the play is Th e starting point of the drama is centered around. Th e concept of a next the 19th century practice of treating room highlights the female condition women with hysteria with a ‘pelvic in a male-dominated society, in which massage’, a tiring and time-consuming the action happens in another room, medical massage (known to you and above the heads of the women, who are me as masturbation), which resulted left waiting outside closed doors. Th e in a ‘hysterical paroxysm’ (that’s an next room is what Dr. Givings closes orgasm), thus relieving the patient’s himself into to escape from his marital symptoms. In case you’re wondering, tensions, where he devotes time to his this treatment is no longer available on female patients while his unhappy wife the NHS. waits outside, lonely. Towards the end of the 19th century, Th e other characters weave in and when this play is based, electrically out of this wife-husband relationship, powered instruments were developed with a progressively chirpier Mrs. to help achieve this paroxysm in less Daldry coming in for regular treatment

JOHAN PERSSON time – and yes, I’m talking about the with her overbearing husband, the self- invention of the vibrator. centered, heartbroken, English artist JOHAN PERSSON

22 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editor: Arianna Sorba ARTS [email protected]

The Government Who is Paul Smith? Inspector where he and his team cook up their collections, seems like little more than an intern’s idea of what a ‘trendy, London design fi rm’ would look like: Jack Williams Apple computers gleam on white DramSoc Social Secretary countertops cluttered with fabric samples and copies of Fantastic Man, while various fashion sketches are ramSoc’s winter play this year is Nikolai pinned up around the room. It is as Gogol’s satirical comedy Th e Government far from a ‘unique insight’ into Smith’s Inspector. Banned by the tsarist government design process as possible. of Imperial Russia on its fi rst publication, Th e only interesting tid-bit of the play makes a mockery of the stupidity, information we are given is that they Dgreed and corruption of the offi cials of a small provincial wind string around cardboard to create town. their iconic stripe patterns. But other Th e director, Simon Parker, has done a fantastic job than that, there is little to make Smith of staging the play in an engaging, thought provoking stand out from his contemporaries. and somewhat surreal way. Th ere are many points in While other designers, such as the late the play which will intentionally bemuse the audience, Alexander McQueen or the doyenne one of which is the rather original freeze-frame used to ANTHONY CROLLA of Italian fashion Miuccia Prada, conclude the show. Many of his personal touches can manage to make their collections be witnessed throughout, including the niche music 1970, and showed his fi rst collection seem like an exciting continuation of that accompanies the play, and a strange old man with a Fred Fyles in Paris in 1976. Th e exhibition their personal vision, Smith seems long beard who sits and watches as Khlestakov (Nicolas Writer features a recreation of this fi rst ‘show’, somewhat removed from the entire Pimparé) proposes to Marya (Svetlana Guggenbuehl). in which Smith laid out his collection process – a fi gurehead of a brand that Amongst the newcomers to DramSoc are Helen Root of around 10 pieces on the bed of his has its own separate identity. What: Hello My Name is Paul Smith as Anna Andreyevna and Svetlana Guggenbuehl as friend’s apartment, highlighting how Th e exhibition culminates with a Where: Design Museum, SE1 Marya Antonovna. Helen gives a pristine performance hard Smith worked to set up his fi rst corridor of Paul Smith designs from When: 15th Nov - 9th Mar 2014 as a morally grounded older woman who competes with shop in London in 1979. a number of previous collections. It Price: £7.50 students, £11.85 adults her daughter, Marya, for the aff ections of Khlestakov. In a post-internet world, where is worth pointing out that this is the (including donation) Svetlana is a pleasure to watch as a fl aunting, beautiful designers are often plucked out by fi rst time we are exposed to any actual and eloquent young woman who is continually shunned benefactors such as Lulu Kennedy clothes from his collections, and the by her mother, but whose persistence pays off as she he title of the Design before they have even fi nished their result is somewhat lacking. wins over Khlestakov’s heart. Museum’s latest exhibition, graduate collections, it’s interesting A victim of his own success, Smith’s Khlestakov (the ‘inspector’) is played by Nicolas ‘Hello My Name Is Paul to see how designers used to get clothing, when presented as a solid Pimparé, whose outrageous fl amboyance and Smith’, feels slightly themselves noticed. In Smith’s case, block, appears quite dull and banal. eccentricity suits the role perfectly. So good is his redundant. Over the last it was his knack for combining His formula of British tailoring with performance that his speech, during which Khlestakov “The recreation T40-odd years, Paul Smith has become traditional tailoring with a uniquely a twist has served him well, but after utters outlandish lies about his supposed life as a high of his HQ seems one of the most recognisable men in witty edge; boring jackets reveal fl orid nearly 40 years in the industry, it is ranking offi cial, will trick the audience into thinking like little more the British fashion industry, heading linings, traditional shirts are spiced up beginning to wear somewhat thin; they are in the Apollo theatre. than an internʼs a brand of global renown, and with garish prints, in what I suppose there are only so many times you can Tiberiu Chis (Tib) plays the highly stressed Mayor, idea of what a producing a vast range of products, all would now be called – somewhat churn out a fl oral shirt, no matter how whose eff orts to control the chaos that ensues throughout ʻtrendy, London emblazoned with his own signature. nauseatingly – ‘eccentrically British’. well designed. What was once exciting the town are hilariously futile. Tib’s character perfectly design fi rmʼ Surely he is a man who needs no Th is, along with his charming and new now seems almost staid. blends an air of authority with that of hopelessness would look like” introduction? personality helped spread his brand It is therefore something of a pity and complete impatience, and he manages to keep the But the museum promises to give across the world, most notably in that Smith has come to represent the character funny and relatable whilst hinting from time more than a cursory overview of Japan, which now has over ten times pinnacle of British menswear, when to time at a darker, more tyrannical man. the man and his designs. Instead it the number of Paul Smith stores than there are so many young, unique Th e townspeople provide laughter throughout in proclaims to ‘off er a unique insight the UK. Now approaching 70, and still designers ready to take up his mantle. each of their own dysfunctional ways. Dobchinsky into the magnifi cent mind of Paul active, it is diffi cult to see Smith as New talents such as Craig Green and Bobchinsky (Jack Williams and Joseph Hosier), Smith’. So does the exhibition manage anything other than the grandmaster and Nasir Mazhar are producing ultimately the cause behind the chaos which engulfs the to get under his skin, stripping away of British menswear. extremely daring garments, adding a town, pile laugh upon laugh as their complete naivety the tailoring and stripe patterns, However, while ‘Paul Smith’ itself is shot of danger and intrigue into the and stupidity are embodied in ridiculous one-liners giving us a peek at what makes the a personal brand, the exhibition does near-catatonic world of menswear, and episodes of physical humour; the sheer nonsense man tick? a very poor job in getting across any of but are obscured by the long shadow off ered by their characters is something all lovers of Unfortunately not. Instead, all they Smith’s personality, instead presenting cast by those like Paul Smith. silly jokes will appreciate. Zemlianika (Max Falkenberg manage to off er is a shallow glimpse him as a sort of sterile amalgamation All in all, it would be churlish not McGillivray), the Judge (Joseph Dudley), Luka (Paul at one of the most famous menswear of infl uences, a faceless face behind to recognise the service that Paul Cosma) and the Postmaster (Prashant Mahendran) as brands on the planet, in a show that the label, a Betty Crocker of the Smith has done for the British fashion the corrupt offi cials complement each other’s characters seems to add up to little more than fashion world. industry; by spreading his clothing very well, and all try to impress Khlestakov in their shameless advertising. We explore a recreation of his offi ce, all over the world, Smith has ensured uniquely fruitless fashion. Beginning with a mock-up of his fi rst which resembles a kooky antique store that UK menswear continues to be Th e costumes are spectacular and the props and set ‘shop’ – in reality a boxy, windowless - coff ee table books fi ght for space with relevant in today’s globalised fashion also convey the mood and setting of Imperial Russia room in Nottingham – the exhibition toy robots and cycling paraphernalia, world. However, I felt let down by very well. Th e crew, especially the costume designers, moves through various stages in both while papers fi ll up every available inch the exhibition. Rather than giving me have performed a stellar job in that department. Th e his life and his design process, until of desk space. While I am sure that this an ‘insight’ into Paul Smith’s mind, show is a very entertaining one, and I urge you to go we end at the fi nished product. Born idiosyncratic range of interests has it left me frustrated that none of my and watch it on the two remaining nights! just outside Nottingham in 1946, greatly contributed to Smith’s success, questions about the man and his Smith showed more interest in cycling this magpie approach to design and working practice has been answered. Th e Government Inspector is being performed this Friday than fashion for most of his youth, retail has been co-opted by high Th e exhibition feels less like an 6th and Saturday 7th December in the Union Concert but underwent a change of heart as street giants like Urban Outfi tters or exploration into one of the most Hall in Beit Quad. Tickets can be bought from the union a teenager working in his father’s Topshop, making what might have famous men in fashion, and more like website and are £5 for students, £7 for non-students, £1 clothing warehouse. After taking once been a unique attribute seem like a cheap exercise in self-promotion – extra on the door. classes in tailoring, and a brief stint in a cynical marketing ploy. something of which Paul Smith has Savile Row, he set up his fi rst shop in Similarly, the recreation of his HQ, little need. FRIDAY 06 DEC 23

@feliximperial

FelixImperial ARTS Serpentine Double Whammy eastern artist is fresh enough not also on show. Th is newer work utilises Meredith Thomas have yet acquired a Wikipedia page, child actors to tell two parables by the Writer yet his brace of prestigious awards Egyptian writer, Mohamed Mustagab. is growing rapidly. His works, most Th e cinematography is beautiful and notably his fi lms, explore the history evocative, anchoring the stories amid What: Wael Shawky: al-Qurban & and culture of the region of his birth, ancient mud building and waterways. Jake and Dinos Chapman: Come and See with an emphasis on questions of Th e children’s speech is provided by Where: Serpentine & Serpentine mythmaking, truth and authority. adults. Th ey also wear adult clothes Sackler Gallery, Hyde Park, SW6 Th e Horror Show File and Th e Path (and fake moustaches) but, far from When: 29 Nov 2013 – 9 Feb 2014 to Cairo both cinematically retell veering towards absurdity, the device Price: FREE the history of the Crusades, utilising lends a strange naivety and pathos to marionettes and unravelling stories the parables. of confl ict, death and betrayal. Th e It is diffi cult to avoid seeing the

isiting the Serpentine puppets themselves are on display at show in the light of contemporary AND DINOS CHAPMAN© JAKE Gallery, situated in the the gallery and are worth examining. events in the middle-east, many of show constitutes a mass of work of a cornucopia of confrontational and middle of Hyde Park, Th eir grotesque, occasionally which seem to echo those of the past. dating back to the 90s. Th e show- darkly humorous works. Th e gallery is usually constitutes a chimeric, design plays on the notions Th e question hangs in the air: how stealers however are a set of four of also populated with mannequins in pleasant lunchtime of mutability and caricature that are will the stories we are living through the brothers’ infamous dioramas. the garb of KKK members, peering distraction.V I cannot recommend that threaded through his explorations of today be told in years to come? For those unfamiliar with the at the artwork and lounging on over the next few months. Th e current historical narrative. Any meditations on human nature Chapmans’ work, these deserve some chairs. Beneath their robes the plastic exhibitions are spread across their Both fi lms are narrated in Classical and ancient history with which you description. Each piece consists of a Klansmen wear brightly striped two venues; Wael Shawky: al-Qurban Arabic, the language of news reports, leave the gallery are but airy whimsy large, intricate diorama composted woollen socks. at the Serpentine Gallery and Jake and lending a superfi cial authority the in comparison to what the Chapman of painstakingly painted plastic Whilst nightmarish and shocking, Dinos Chapman: Come and See at the stories, which, in reality, interlace fact brothers have in store for you. For models… of Nazis in hell. Whatever the Chapman brothers’ work provides Serpentine Sackler Gallery. Both are, and legend. Allusions like these may those who damn contemporary depraved, evil, genocidal activities a provocative and thought provoking in their own ways, dark, challenging be lost on those (such as myself) who artists for peddling provocation you can think off , the Th ird Reich and exploration of the darker side of and absorbing, requiring serious lack a familiarity with Arab history. and shock, the Chapmans are chief their skeletal accomplices are doing it human nature. Th e show may not be investment in the artists’ languages However, the fi lms stand on their among sinners. Torture, gore, to themselves. Th e scenes are horrifi c for everyone, but as an overview of and totems. Wael Shawky’s own as eerie, atmospheric and self- genocide, perversion and pain are illustrations of human evil and overtly the artists’ work it is worth a visit for three short fi lms are at least relatively contained tales of human nature. their media and they employ them reference Hieronymus Bosch. the adventurous. Art may have lost its accessible. Th e emerging middle- A third fi lm, Al Araba Madfuna II, is without restraint. Th e bewildering Th e dioramas are only one example ability to shock, but not to disturb. Offense looking for the ball, defense wanting the sack Imperial Immortals (American Football)

@ImmortalsAFC /ImmortalsAFC 26 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editor: Maciej Matuszewski, Eva BOOKS Rosenthal [email protected] Drawn in Black Chalk Hannah Edmondson interviews Christopher Yates on the inspi- ration behind his university-set psychological thriller

It started out as a game to win and former alum said, “I love the age scenes and realistic situations, such £10,000, but the stakes were so of the characters and their youthful as six friends hanging out at the pub much higher than expected. enthusiasm for holding certain or one student staying up all night Christopher Yates’ Black Chalk beliefs, for their desire to experience to finish the three papers he has due centers on six Oxford first years life.” the next day, to make his characters who set out to play the ultimate The Oxford setting also fuels relatable, and identifiable. It’s like game. Not a game of fake money the characters’ increasing interest Lord of the Flies in a familiar setting. or expanding colonies, but a in the game. The competitiveness Nothing is quite what it seems psychological game that asks its between these university friends in Black Chalk. The game, the players to risk what they cherish is what elevates the game to such characters, the narrator are not most: their self-images, their lives. unpleasant heights. The rivalry is as straightforward as they first While predictable twists and present from the beginning, when seem, for, as the author reminds unrealistic events might be the group tries to outdo each other’s us in the introduction, nothing in expected from a thriller like this, underprivileged backgrounds, this tale is to be trusted. Even the Yates truly excels in suspenseful and becomes increasingly more motives behind the individuals are plot development. The novel vicious as the story goes on. unreliable, making readers question begins in first person narration by The tipping point comes when what truly drives people. a character the author describes as the narrator critiques another Once the characters move “a hermit living a peculiar life driven player’s intelligence, for while past the ingrained social rules of by strange routines.” As the story “obscenities were not terms with being respectful to others, caring progresses, so does the reader’s which they could hurt or offend for all, loving their neighbors as relationship with the narrator one another, such words meant themselves, they see what actually and by extension, the characters. almost nothing […] never had any motivates them: power, success, Page by page the reader becomes of them called another stupid.” and the desire to be loved. Once more acquainted with this isolated Through the backdrop of the game, the white chalk rules are erased, narrator and his tale only to second- the author explores this theme of the characters’ genuine outlines are guess everything learned because of competitiveness, so prevalent in revealed, drawn in plain black chalk. one sentence or hint. campus life, while ridiculing the These cruel realizations and students’ conceit. Hannah Edmondson: What was the stunted growth reflect the narrator’s However, not everything is inspiration behind Black Chalk? own experience. His return to his gloom and doom in this tale. its setting. I loved the age of the been damaged by this mysterious youthful past shows that this story Yates offers comic relief through Christopher Yates: The inspiration characters and their youthful game and that the narrator is a is not a coming of age, but rather an Jack, the typical clown of the for Black Chalk came from real life. enthusiasm for holding certain hermit living a peculiar life driven anti-bildungsroman. The narrator group, and the obscure memory I really did have an idea to play a beliefs, for their desire to experience by strange routines. So the narrator has not grown in life; he has shrunk techniques of the narrator. In one game of psychological dares much life. The intimacy of such a setting is has no one to talk to but the reader, until all he knows are the bedroom passage, the narrator is standing like the one played in my story. This also a huge plus to a writer; I went which means I had to find a way to walls in his poky Manhattan naked above a salad bowl trying was something me and my friends to a college of around 400 people suck the reader in without using any apartment. Yates juxtaposes this to remember what the mnemonic chatted about in the bar a great deal, which meant that, to some degree, dialogue between characters (and cloistered deterioration with the device represents. He eventually trying to come up with interesting I knew just about everyone there, I have a particular love for writing unending optimism originally realises the undressed salad is a forfeits for each other. I think it’s and this creates an atmosphere that dialogue). So this was a challenge to present in the university setting. reminder for him to clothe himself. very fortunate that we never did can be both excitingly convivial write. But challenges can be fun. And When asked why he chose Oxford While Yates depicts a brutal side play because it means we’re all still and frighteningly suffocating. All challenges can also lead to bursts of as his story’s location, the author to humanity, he inserts humorous friends. excellent ingredients. creative thought. So in the end, I was very happy with my peculiar hermit. HE: How did your personal HE: In what way do you see this ! experience at Oxford influence novel as a bildungsroman or rather HE: Which authors are you your novel? a missed bildungsroman? influenced by?

CY: There’s a lot of my own personal CY: Yes, I suppose there’s a sense CY: Graham Greene for his sense experience in Black Chalk. Not a in which it’s a bildungsroman in of writing meaningful books with single one of the events that occur reverse because what we see is great prose; but not for one second in the book actually took place in not the psychological growth of does he ever forget to entertain reality but I used my own experience someone but actually their decline. and beguile his reader. And this to shape the settings and plot. And The narrator doesn’t come of age in is something Donna Tartt does it was my own experience of Oxford the world so much as want to lock brilliantly as well. Also Vladimir that helped me in trying to build as themselves away from the world Nabokov for his love of language plausible a tale as possible. I suppose that’s uncovered. and games (he is constantly toying you might say that my own Oxford with his reader, a chess player who’s experiences are the DNA of Black HE: Which of the characters did several moves ahead of you). And Chalk. you find it hardest to write about? I love great sentence-writers such as Martin Amis, John Updike and HE: Why did you choose a CY: The narrator was the hardest Cormac McCarthy. university setting? character for me to pin down. The story is told fourteen years on from Black Chalk by Christopher J Yates CY: I loved everything about writing when the game began. We know right is published by Random House a novel that used a university for from the start that the narrator’s and is out now!

28 FRIDAY 06 DEC Editor: Simon Hunter, Riaz Agahi, Stuart Masson, William MUSIC Stocker [email protected] Death: A Restrospective Thomas Heaven recalls the band synonymous with death metal

t is diffi cult to exaggerate frantic double bass levels of com- the fi rst adopters of the style Schuldin- how important the band and blast beat drum- plexity and er can also be credited as one of the Death is within extreme ming, down-tuned technicality fi rst to feel pigeonholed and try to metal circles. Whilst Pos- bee-swarm guitars, kept Death’s move away from what was becoming sessed may have coined and low guttural and line-up in the norm towards a more mature pro- the Iterm ‘Death Metal’ with their largely unintelligible constant fl ux. gressive feel on later records. He even 1984 demo of that name, it was Chuck vocals. “Chuck said: Th e infl uence regretted his choice of band name, Schuldiner and the vehicle for his mu- Hey listen, my band of Death can which at 16 had seemed the height sical vision, the band; Death that laid is gorier and darker be seen sim- of cool but at 30 just seemed silly. out the blueprint for the death metal than anything else. ply by looking Given all this the early loss of sound. Death’s debut album Scream He stepped out on through the Chuck to brain cancer in 2001, at Bloody Gore has been described vari- a limb at a time roster of its the age of only 34, was a heavy blow tracks. It is hard to see Death return- ously as “death metal’s fi rst archetypal when that wasn’t ex-members. to fans. Not only because of the ing without the virtuoso frontman document” and “the fi rst true death fashionable.” – Kelly Twenty-seven lost creative output that may have at the helm, it wouldn’t be right. Th is metal record”, whilst Chuck is wide- Shaefer (Athe- musicians been yet to come from such a pro- line-up touring under the name Death ly regarded as the “Father of Death ist, Neurotica). were in the lifi c personality, but also because they To All, and giving proceeds to char- Metal”. Whereas infl uencial groups As one of the fi rst to embrace band over its eighteen year career, with had lost an icon within the genre. ity, is as close as many of us are ever Celtic Frost and Venom had previ- the death metal genre and move- Schuldiner as the only constant. Th is Twelve years later there is some going to get to the true Death experi- ously stumbled onto the territory that ment Schuldiner became central to reveals the auteur like role being played consolation for Death listeners as the ence. Romanos Skiadas said after the would one day evolve into the myriad the scene at its heart in Florida. After by Chuck, in his attempts to drive the line-up from the record Human, with show the he could now “die happy” forms of extreme music. In Chuck, playing guitar for only six months he genre he helped to create forward. the addition of Max Phelps on vocals having seen the performance. Th is death metal had a pioneer who sought began recording at the age of 16, from As well as its high levels of musi- and guitar, present a sampling of works is a sentiment likely shared by many out the blazing, savage, and lyrically here his constant drive for musical de- cianship death metal’s obsession with from across all seven albums in a “cel- who never thought they would have graphic music that abounded with velopment, and search for increasing graphic subject matter can also be ebration of Chucks Legacy”. Projec- a chance to experience track like ‘Pull traced back to Death. A lot of songs tions inside the Kentish town forum the Plug’ and ‘Flattening Of Emotion’. on Scream Bloody Gore were based show footage of interviews from the If you would like to listen to directly on horror movies. ‘Torn to man himself and those on stage are some Death yourself I’m afraid I AMS album of the week Pieces’ is about Make Th em Die Slow- keen to focus attention on his memory can’t pull that off via newspaper, but ly, ‘Regurgitated Guts’ is about Gates rather than themselves. For those in Rocksoc: Th e Aftermath will be do- TOY – Join The Dots of Hell, ‘Scream Bloody Gore’ is about the crowd this is a rare and unlikely ing their own Death retrospective Reanimator and ‘Evil Dead’ is about, opportunity to enjoy a live perfor- on icradio.com so you can appreci- TOY are basically the voice you guessed it, Evil Dead. But as one of mance of so many classic and beloved ate Chuck’s genius there if you like. of British Krautrock, or at least its closest descendent. An online stream of their second album, Join the James & The Rabbit Hole: EP Review Dots, due to be released on December 9th, went online this Tuesday. Almost exactly builds. With many talented female plex rhythms into the three track EP. a year after their first album Julia Spindel vocalists following the crowd toward Th e fi nal track of the EP, ‘Edyta’, is “TOY” came out, once again Music Writer electronic music at the moment, it’s re- the most memorable track from when I am pleasantly surprised by freshing to hear such a voice in a Rock I fi rst saw James & the Rabbit Hole live. what I hear. James & the Rabbit Hole have ‘n’ Roll band. Th e harmonies and gui- It’s slightly less cleverly constructed Opening with a throbbing worked hard as a band since we last tar fi llers in the chorus of ‘Quoth the than the other two songs on the EP. bassline and the typical TOY heard from them and it’s defi nitely Ravin’ complete a great hook, whilst However, the fast tempo, complicated synth, the leading single, paid off . Th e band was assembled fol- the instrumental solos toward the guitar riff s, harmonised choruses and “Join the Dots” is an almost lowing an application to the music end of the song are equally exciting. reams of lyrics ensure that everyone 8 minute piece that drives competition Uni Music League, and Th e vocals and guitar stabs are se- will have a good time dancing to this. itself forward and is well worth a listen. new material was scribbled down ductive from the beginning of ‘Lions’. James’ twangy voice and progres- The hectic touring schedule [including several successful festival hurriedly as they powered through But the highlight of this song is the sion from singing into almost talking appearances this summer] and a well received single with Rose Elinor the competition. Although the musi- chorus, if one can call it that. Th ree at some points suits the song well. Dougal have focused the band and the effect on this first snippet of music cal talent of each member was clear vocal sections, which sound a little like James & the Rabbit Hole are compared to pieces from TOY is noticeable. from the start, the slight lack of depth a 90s pop song sung by a gospel choir, playing at the Workshop on the They are slowly carving out a distinctive sound, somewhere between My to the songs and their disjointed cor- are alternated with three instrumental 14th of December to celebrate the Bloody Valentine and [to my immense pleasure] some of the earlier and ners hinted at their speedy creation. sections, which are more reminiscent release of their EP. I highly recom- longer Pink Floyd compositions – Join the Dots and especially Conducter Now, however, it’s a diff erent story. of a B.B. King melody. Against all mend purchasing a ticket (details can sound as if they could burst into an extended “Set The Controls for the Heart Th eir debut EP is due to be released odds, it works. Th e ease with which be found on their Facebook page). of the Sun” type soundscape everytime the lyrics stop. This slightly darker today and it sure packs a punch. James & the Rabbit and yet more experimental direction makes me glad since it would be very ‘Quoth the Ravin’ sets the funk vibe Hole straddles mul- easy for them to continue riding the Krautrock-revival image that’s been rolling. Th e guitar and bass riff s merit tiple music genres pinned to them, and therefore not explore their unquestionable potential comparison to Stevie Wonder tracks without overcompli- with their new album. and will have your foot tapping within cating songs is bril- There are some minor gripes with the overly repeated and simplistic lyrics, seconds. Th e next treat is the fi rst vo- liant. Th e musicians but I think the whole presentation of the music makes it clear what frontman cal entry. New member of James & the adapt to each style Dan Carey and the boys are trying to get across – this album definitely gets Rabbit Hole, Katie Addy, has a voice seamlessly. Th is is my seal of approval, as well as a retrospective recommendation to listen to that sounds as if it were designed for especially audible their first if you have any love for Krautrock, Floyd or slightly left-centre such a punchy track. She maintains a from the guitar- pop rock. rich vocal tone throughout spiky ar- ists as well as the ticulation and accentuation of lyrics drummer, Dan Day, Eamonn Postlethwaite and decorates phrase ends with warm who builds a huge vibrato. It becomes grittier as the song number of com- FRIDAY 06 DEC 29

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FelixImperial MUSIC

The Who?-siers Emielʼs Guide to Sandy Nimmo sees The Hoosiers at the O2 Academy Classical Music Emiel de Lange o you remem- ber the UK “odd-pop” trio Episode IV: A New Art The Hoosiers? I wouldn’t Onwards we march! Well, not rhythms to achieve an unprecedent- D blame you if quite marching, as the fi rst notated ed freedom of expression. you didn’t – when I told fel- rhythms tended to be divisible by The prototypal music here is the low students I was going to three. During the 13th Century, a collection of motets known as the see them at the O2 Acad- new class of literates emerged as a Roman de Fauvel, which set various emy, the response was a result of the university at Paris, and, satirical poems to music. However, collective “Oh, are they still combined with the now well-estab- arguably the greatest musician was going?” (apart from one ob- lished body of written works, music Guillaume de Machaut (d. 1377). sessive Popjustice reader). became an intellectual pursuit, theo- Not only was his ‘stacking’ of voices Riding the 2003-2008 wave rised and written about – but more incredibly intricate and sensuous of guitar-based pop being importantly, the fi rst complete sys- but his harmonic language was to chart mainstays and the ra- tem of writing music came together. be emulated for the following two dio norm, their 2007 first Notation could now convey almost centuries. Previously, a historical im- album The Trick To Life everything necessary for perfor- perfection in the notation of scales went double platinum in the mance, allowing literate music to set UK and spawned two infectiously- on their own (partially fan-funded) such as the bouncy ‘Fidget Brain’ off on its independent course. catchy top-5 singles ‘Worried About label, they’ve been busy readying or the crowd-pleasing lyricism of The foundations for this were laid Ray’ and ‘Goodbye Mr A. Slots’ on another album slated for release in ‘Handsome Girls’ and ‘Pretty Boys’. in the 12th Century Ars Antiqua, popular TV shows ensued, alongside March 2014, and came to London as While lead singer Irwin Sparkes which we discussed at length in the an extensive tour and stints on the part of a low-key tour to test their was in fine voice throughout, in full previous instalment. Aside from the festival circuit . Despite their popu- new material. The superhero out- control of his impressive falsetto already-mentioned developments in larity, criticism of their cheesiness fits are gone. They mean business. register, and Alan Sharland banging polyphony, perhaps the most impor- abounded from the more snooty They opened with their lat- the drums with goofy enthusiasm, tant contribution of the old school at indie types due to their per- the quality of their live sound Notre Dame was the clear division ceived omni-cheery demeanour was mixed at times. First album of music through time. Music had and 70s ELO-influenced sound; song ‘Everything Goes Dark’ was become metrical; notes were quite they won NME’s Worst Band particularly impressive, build- simply held for different lengths award in 2008. This, and their ing to a swelling, emotional cre- relative to each other and alternated “aren’t we quirky?” penchant for scendo that far outweighed the to give what is called a rhythmic dressing up in superhero out- album version, but songs like mode (for example, long-short-long- or ‘modes’ had made it necessary to fits at gigs, still couldn’t damp- ‘Worst Case Scenario’ sounded short-long, where a long has twice sing notes outside of the system in en overall public enthusiasm lightweight and insubstan- the duration of a short). However, order to properly harmonise certain Their 2010 second album tial, lacking the “oomph” pro- these rhythmic modes were derived intervals. We now call these notes The Illusion of Safety, despite vided by the studio recordings. from ‘quantitative’ poetic meter and sharps or flats which lie between the improved media reviews, did As someone more used to didn’t require a new notation of any notes of the scale. For example, C#: not boast such impressive sales Glasgow audiences that jump kind; the mode could simply be given a pitch slightly higher than C, but figures. After the dancier Hot-Chip est single ‘Somewhere in the Dis- around constantly chanting riffs and applied to a whole composition. still lower than D. Machaut made stylings of lead single ‘Choices’ was tance’, currently available on Spo- and basslines when there’s no sing- It wasn’t until now, the 13th Century free use of these for the fi rst time well-received on radio yet failed to tify and as a free download if the ing, the smartphone-toting London that a method was devised to assign and wrote them into his music. The make the top 10, Sony cut their losses album is pre-ordered. This nod- audience appeared a bit sterile, but duration to each written note indi- result is dissonance for the sake of and pulled further promotion, leav- ded to indie-bands-du-jour with the band got everyone into the spirit vidually. dissonance and a powerful sense of ing the band out in the wilderness, synth sounds reminiscent of Eve- of things masterfully with good song The music of Paris at this time was resolution– a potent expressive tool. a fate similarly bestowed on their rything Everything and a Foals- choices and excellent between-song secular, urban and playful. Compos- Music could now ache and throb mid-2000s contemporaries The Fr- like spacey pre-chorus and choppy banter, part self-deprecating, part ers became renowned for their ‘vir- much like the heart does. atellis and Kaiser Chiefs (but not, guitars, while vocal melodies and faux-pomposity. Swedish ex-fire- tuosic’ composition, often pulling Machaut spent the majority of his bizarrely, Scouting For Girls – a the powerful chorus sounded reas- man and bassist Martin Skarendahl together melodies from many differ- life in the service of various aristo- more punchable name and sound suringly Hoosier-ish. Other new played the straight-man through- ent sources and arranging them into crats and kings. At the time, he was could surely not be found). Back cuts sounded equally promising, out, alongside long-standing live a single piece. Polyphony became best known as a poet and writer of multi-instrumentalist Sam Swallow more complex, with different voices love-songs and courtly ballads, yet who recently became an official using different rhythms. Often the today he is remembered mostly for fourth member. With the gig end- higher voices moved at a faster pace his setting of the mass – the fi rst ing on the massive high of ‘Good- than the lower and so modal rhythm to be attributed entirely to a single bye Mr A’, given a full rocky outro, had in effect already become redun- composer, functioning as a coher- everyone left with a great big grin dant. Once again visit the Felix web- ent whole. Luckily for us, in his later on their face. While yours truly was site and have a listen to composers years he became preoccupied with a big fan of the second album and such as Adam de la Halle. the preservation of his manuscripts so would’ve preferred more songs One hundred years later, in the for posterity. like ‘Bumpy’ Ride or the Muse-isms 14th Century, a style developed call As we have seen, the development of ‘Glorious’, it’s no doubt that the the ‘Ars Nova’ – still centred on the of musical thought and language has Hoosiers offer a great night out and university at Paris. This movement been inextricably linked to the devel- some cracking songs - even if they has been compared in magnitude to opment of a means to notate it. We are unlikely to ever again reach the the introduction of perspective in have already covered some 5 centu- giddy heights of their commercial painting and marks the beginning ries, but only now is literate music peak. Beats Guns ‘n Roses anyway. of the Renaissance in music. Para- fully diverging from oral traditions The Hoosiers’ fourth album, The doxically, many Ars Nova compos- and coming in to its own. Next week News From Nowhere, is set to be ers were also mathematicians, and we will enter the renaissance; a pe- released some time next year. applied their knowledge to explore riod of massive change and develop- new rhythms and combinations of ment and the birth of modern music. 30 FRIDAY 06 DEC Editor: Simon Hunter, Riaz Agahi, Stuart Masson, William MUSIC Stocker [email protected] Riaz & Stuart’s Albums Of The Year Editorial bigwigs reveal their most favoured releases of the last 12 months

1. Mika Vainio & Joachim Nordwall 1. The World is a Beautiful Place and I am no Monstrance Longer Afraid to Die Whenever, If Ever While both have distinguished themselves with impressive solo releases this year, Vainio & Nordwallʼs collaboration I am obsessed with this album. The range of moods and styles is manages to capture the best elements of both of their work. captivating, and how it fi ts together so coherently is breathtak- Despite the small selection of instruments on the album, ing. Mixing midwest emo with post-rock, indie pop and math variety abounds. From rhythmic bassy rumbles (courtesy of rock, this album is everything Iʼve ever wanted (in an album). Vainio) to ambient synths via metallic scrapings and scream- Itʼs exciting, it develops with every listen, itʼs bursting with emo- ing guitars, Monstrance is one of the most richly diverse and tion, it namechecks Rival Schools, I mean, what else do you satisfyingly eerie musical journeys of recent times. want?

2. Fire! 2. Old Gray Without Noticing An Autobiography

Swedish noisy jazz trio Fire! followed Februaryʼs orchestral I imagine most of you are looking for an album chock full of album Exit, with Without Noticing, an album that really em- twinkly guitar, frenzied crescendos and intense screaming. ulates the live experience. As well as being bookended by This is what youʼre looking for. An Autobiography is a fan- noisy sketches, ʻAt Least On Your Doorʼ starts with a classic tastic blend of screamo, midwest emo and post-rock. From noisy sax jam before dropping into an irresistably catchy the opening track through to the last it is just fantastic. Itʼs bassline augmented by Mats Gustafssonʼs always enthral- heavy, but itʼs also really beautiful. It will blow your socks ling saxophone heroics. That pretty much sums up what is off and bring you to the point of tears simultaneously, and an insanely catchy yet agressively hard hitting album. that is the dream, so, yeah.

3. Abul Mogard 3. The National – Trouble Will Find Me ll Drifted Heaven Trouble Will Find Me

Abul Mogard, a retired Serbian factory worker, maintains The National have long been one of my favourite bands, the cathartic, hauntingly beautiful industrial tones of previ- and this might be their best yet. ʻI Need My Girlʼ is defi nite- ous works, like a modernist Steve Roach. Where it has ly my song of the year. A lilting guitar line backs a beauti- changed, is that it sounds more like many of his VCO coun- ful vocal performance… and it just blows me away every terparts, with a more classically electronic sound in places time. To be honest, itʼs all great. The tightest rhythm section and more open suggestions of melody. The result is a more in indie rock continue to impress good, the guitar lines are instantly rewarding listen, being dipped for the length of the brilliant and Matt Berningerʼs baritone is at its silky best. album in swathes of Mogardʼs ethereal electronics. Top stuff.

4. Nicholas Bullen 4. Pity Sex Component Fixations Feast Of Love

For the most part, Iʼve tried to avoid albums Iʼve covered This shoegaze / emo hybrid has had me hooked since my before, but I really felt I did the Napalm Death founder fi rst listen. Hiding amongst layers fuzz are some really a slight disservice last time round. Like Japanese noise artist catchy hooks, a driving rhythm section and some top notch Aube, Bullen uses a single sound source - his garden, yet the alt rock tracks. There are tracks about masturbation and results approavh more closely the abstract electronic experi- loneliness, but for the most part itʼs about bad casual sex. mentation of Eleh, where common garden sounds like running Happily, itʼs much closer to self-deprecating humour than de- water combine with more processed counterparts to make a pressing self-analysis. If you want to immerse yourself in fuzz complex, serrated, intimidatingly claustrophobic experience. and unhappiness, then this is the best 2013 had to offer!

5. Slow Walkers 5. Iceage Slow Walkers Youʼre Nothing

Slow Walkers is a collaboration between Lawrence Iceage play visceral post-punk. Full of snarling vocals and English and Grouper. The result contains the brilliance dissonant instrumentation, their sounds owes more to The Fall youʼd expect from two cornerstrones of the ambient genre. and Wire than the more obvious touchstones of Joy Division Grouperʼs warmly dissonant pop-ambient and Englishʼs or Gang of Four. From the accelerating madness of ʻCoali- evocatice drone based soundscapes combine to perfect tionʼ to the pure manic brilliance of ʻWounded Heartsʼ, this is effect in a wonderfully fl owing homogenous soundscape of one to get you on the dancefl oor, and then embarrass yourself the most sumptuous ambient you will hear this year. badly by throwing yourself around without any semblance of style. This is a spectacular listen, if a slightly exhausting one. FRIDAY 06 DEC 31

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FelixImperial TELEVISION 2013: A Television Odyssey Emily Fulham looks back at some of the TV highlights of the year New Shows Finales 2014 Hannibal Breaking Bad Previews After fi ve glorious series, we fi nally Game of Thrones A surprise hit, HBO’s Hannibal was a bade farewell to Walter White, the slow burner that turned out to be one meth dealer who made students Game of Th rones tested its reputation of the best shows of the year. A lot of everywhere look at their Chemistry for killing off characters to the max in credit goes to Mads Mikkelsen for his teachers with new-found respect. the ‘Red Wedding’ of the penultimate fl awless performance as everyone’s Th e fi nal series started off with a bang episode of its third series. Th ose who favourite cannibal, but Hugh Dancy (literally), and rarely let up the pace. knew what was coming watched be- also deserves praise in his portrayal of With more plot twists and shocking tween their fi ngers as (spoiler alert) Will Graham, the unstable FBI agent moments than you can shake a stick the Starks proved themselves to be the Hannibal deceives and manipulates, at, Breaking Bad kept audiences on most ill-fated family in the whole of as his grasp on sanity becomes the edge of their seats until the very Westeros. Th e fourth series, starting increasingly tenuous. Th row in a last episode. With actors Bryan Paul in Spring, will continue to deal with great supporting cast, inspired guest and Aaron Paul consistently outstand- the aftermath of the event, as well as stars (including Eddie Izzard as ing in every scene, the fi nal stage in building up to the series’ next wedding you’ve never seen him before) and Walter’s metamorphosis from unas- between the hateful King Joff rey and cinematography that makes even suming high school teacher to master- Margaery Tyrell. the most brutal murder look oddly mind drug lord cemented the show’s beautiful, and you’ve got an intriguing status as one of the greatest of all time. premise for a show which is far more HBO AMC than your standard crime procedural. Girls Th e much-talked about show has di- Sleepy Hollow The IT Crowd vided opinions, with loyal fans and skeptics abound. Hannah Horvath Another surprising success, Sleepy Th e escapades of Roy, Maurice and and crew return in January; while de- Hollow combined the unlikely part- Jen came to an end as one of Britain’s tails of any storylines are being kept ners of apocalyptic horror and Ameri- best comedies in recent years grace- tightly under wraps, it’s a safe assump- can history with unforeseen success. fully bowed out in September. And tion that there’ll be plenty more nu- Ichabod Crane, Oxford professor and graceful it was – with each of the ac- dity, painfully awkward sex scenes and Civil War soldier, is transported into tors going on to bigger things (Chris interesting hairdos. the future thanks to a curse from the O’Dowd now a familiar face in Hol- Headless Horseman, where he part- lywood blockbusters and Richard ners up with local policewoman Abbie Ayoade a well-received director in his Mills to solve supernatural mysteries. own right), Th e IT Crowd chose to go Doctor Who Th e 21st century takes Crane some out on a high. With nods to some of getting used to, with coff ee machines the highlights of previous series and OK, it might not be on until August, and the concept of paying for bottled several fan-favourite cameos, the fi - but the news that Peter Capaldi has water some of the biggest obstacles. A nal episode was a crowd-pleaser all been chosen as the 12th Doctor has al- likeable cast and a propensity to not round. Undoubtedly, the sitcom will ready got everyone hyped up. Fans of take itself too seriously gave Sleepy be sorely missed, and we’ll have to Th e Th ick of It will be intrigued to see Hollow its edge in the latest wave of wait until next year for Channel 4’s if he can shake off his foul-mouthed Autumn shows imported from the US. other comedy jewel, Peep Show, to re- persona to play the family favourite Doctor. FOX turn to help ease the pain. CHANNEL 4

how it plays with the formulae it recurring characters, and settings gets great lines at some points. Cartoon Corner creates for itself. Th e fi rst episode is that get introduced, built up, and For most of this review I’ve just the archetypal one – every point in then deconstructed in various been going “oh and that time where Phineas and Ferb the checklist is ticked in a rote way amusing ways. In early episodes, that thing happened was so funny!” – but after that it gets interesting. Doofenshmirtz talked about various but that’s kind of how it is. Th e Tom Rivlin Th e characters become aware of the tragic backstories he had which made characters aren’t especially dynamic routine, and some try to actively fi ght him want to do his various schemes or remarkable, and, for the most part, it, while others learn to live with it. (“It all began on the day of my actual they don’t get much room to grow. hineas and Ferb is a show things they’ve been doing. Just before For example, in one episode, Candace birth. Both of my parents failed to Th e plots are deliberately repetitive that’s all about formulae. she can show Mom, the amazing tries to keep staring at the Th ing the show up.”), but eventually it devolves (with some notable exceptions). Th e Almost every episode of creation of the boys is cleaned up boys make for the whole day. (It then into “when I was a boy my mother main thing the show has going for it is the show follows a fairly thanks to the antics of their pet turns invisible as soon as she turns her would never let me swim in public that it just has really solid, clever, and rigid structure: it’s about platypus, Perry, who is actually a head.) In another, Doofenshmirtz has pools… What? Th at’s it! You know, not funny dialogue – it’s just a collection Ptwo pre-teen stepbrothers on their secret agent battling his nemesis Dr. a waiting room for Perry the Platypus every back story has to have some big, of really great gags. summer holidays, and every day Doofenshmirtz on a daily basis (I to wait in while he fi nishes his latest in-depth spiel.” At over 200 episodes, it’s Disney they decide to do something that’s am not making a single word of this evil contraption (which, as a group, Th e creators have shown a very Channel’s longest running show, creatively impossible (opening a up), leaving Mom to think Candace he calls his “-inators”), because, of keen understanding of TV show surviving long past the channel’s restaurant, or building a city-spanning is crazy. At some point there’s also a course, Perry can’t foil his evil scheme tropes and formulae, and of how to move away from animation towards rollercoaster, or building a rocket), at musical number, because why not? until he’s fi nished preparing it. play with them, but they are just plain lame sitcoms, purely on the basis of it which point their controlling teenage Besides the catchy tunes and It extends beyond main story funny. Most of the best gags come being just that good; defi nitely worth sister Candace tries to “bust” them creative high concept wacky fun, beats, though. Th ere’s an assortment from Doofenshmirtz (who is voiced checking out. by showing their mum the dangerous the real appeal of the show is in of catchphrases, running gags, by one of the creators), but everyone 32 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editor: John Park FILM fi [email protected] Here’s looking at you, Itʼs been a good year for...

Superheroes who aren’t Wolverine

Marvel’s world cinema domination of course continued in 2013, with both their films benefiting greatly from the phenomenal success of last year’s Avengers Assemble. Geared up as a direct sequel to the events of Avengers Assemble, Iron Man 3 is currently the highest grossing film of 2013, and became a billionaire globally. Thor: The Dark World wasn’t quite as huge, and although it won’t come close to hitting that billion point, it’s already reached half of that, which is still an impres- sive feat, done within a month of its release. DC has also been making a bold comeback thanks to Christopher Nolan’s input into the Batman saga, and they rightly paraded his name around every advert there was for their Superman reboot, titled Man of Steel, with relative newcomer Henry Cavill taking over the coveted role. It made enough money to warrant a sequel, although both fans and critics alike were somewhat let down by Superman’s complete disregard for the concept of collateral damage in his final action sequence. Tom Hanks

Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy His films both opened and closed the London Film Festival (Captain Phil- Hot off her Oscar-nominated comedic turn (comedy not something that is gen- lips opening, Saving Mr Banks clos- erally recognised by awards ceremonies – she was really that good) in Brides- ing), and they have both been incred- maids, McCarthy continued her successful streak in the film industry with her ibly well received. There’s even talk of box-office number one financial hit, Identity Thief. The critics hated it, with him scoring a double nomination (for one rather unpleasant review comparing McCarthy to a hippo, but the audi- both best leading and supporting ac- ence clearly loved it, grossing well over its budget internationally, with a sequel tor), an achievement only a handful of already in the works. thespians have managed in the past. Teaming up with Bullock, the pair starred in The Heat, a female-driven buddy cop comedy that went above and beyond everyone’s expectations by actually being very, very funny. With Paul Feig, the director of Bridesmaids, McCarthy scored yet another solid comedy role, this time more foul-mouthed than ever, with Bullock enjoying quite a considerable paycheck ($10 million) compared to her more modestly paid co-star ($2.5 million). Oscar buzz is also building for Bullock, who genuinely looked to be giving it her all in Alfonso Cuaron’s terrifyingly intense space drama, Gravity. The critics loved it, and the world can’t seem to be getting enough of it. Already $600 mil- lion dollars in the bag, the sales keep coming in strong, and is a hotly anticipated Oscar contender this year.

Flying high...defying gravity Luke Evans The 6th installment in the Fast & Furi- ous franchise, the aptly named Fast & James Wan and low-budget hororr films The Welsh actor has been busy of late, Furious 6 showed no signs of slowing starring in Fast & Furious 6, scoring a down by pulling out all the stops. The Spending very little (relatively) then recuperating a final total that is consider- significantly sized role in the remain- Rock? Check. Vin Diesel? Check. Fan- ably more is a tactic that has served director Wan well this year, with both of his ing Hobbit films, whilst also landing cy cars? Of course. Women? Oh yes. horror hits, The Conjuring and Insidious Chapter 2, which were made with iconic roles of both Dracula and The A tank? Why not. The sillier it gets small budgets ($20 million, $5 million respectively), earned a cool combined Crow in their newly rebooted films (who can forget THAT airport run- total of $460 million+ internationally. (Dracula Untold and The Crow re- way scene?), the more money it makes Similar success was enjoyed by The Purge (budget: $3 million, earnings: al- spectively). How they will turn out no it seems, as it went on to become the most $90 million), a simple, yet interesting and thought-provoking idea, well one knows for sure, but by this time biggest money-maker of the series, executed and incredibly well advertised during a box office period where not next year he could be the big name on even taking inflation into account. many great new releases were out to entertain and grab the audience’s attention. Hollywood campus. FRIDAY 06 DEC 33

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FelixImperial FILM kid: a 2013 round-up

Jennifer Lawrence

For starters, she won an Oscar earlier this year, and it’s obvious she’s becom- ing one of the most talked about and loved young actresses around. She’s the cool, new, hip young woman to like, which explains why so many re- turned for the sequel of The Hunger Games. Catching Fire is doing great business, with everyone fully invest- ed in the revolution that is brewing Sleeper hits against the Capitol, who quite frankly deserve everything coming their way. Films that hold steady week after week despite stiff competition can give surpris- ing results, as demonstrated by Now You See Me, a light-hearted heist movie with slick magic acts to trick the audience, that showed some mighty holding Independent films power in the charts. It opened modestly compared to its not-so-cheap budget, but has now grossed over 350 million worldwide. Sequel? Already on the way. Once again, films grabbing the im- Then there’s Lee Daniels’ The Butler, an inspirational true story about an portant awards buzz are the more African-American witnessing all the important 20th Century American Civil modestly financed (but by no means Rights events as he works in the White House. The American audience loved it less advertised) films that are win- for obvious reasons, there’s talk of Forest Whitaker and Oprah Winfrey getting ning glowing reviews from critics and some well-earned nominations, and it’s posting some more than respectable cinema-goers alike. Steve McQueen numbers elsewhere, for a current grand total of $150+ million. Probably not ap- has already bagged numerous awards propriate to expect a sequel for this one though. with his latest slavery drama 12 Years a Slave, which is looking to be the one to beat come the Oscar season, Mat- Animation thew McConaughey and Jared Leto Leonardo DiCaprio should be winning a handful of awards Families still love going to the cinemas, it seems, as there was quite a number of for their work in the funny and touch- There is always some sort of an Oscar animated hits this year, regardless of actual film quality. ing Dallas Buyers Club, Woody Al- buzz surrounding DiCaprio, who sad- Planes, an ill-advised Disney spinoff of Pixar’s Cars, was a flat, generic ride len is on career-peak form with Blue ly hasn’t currently won any. The Great with a colourful voice cast, and The Smurfs 2, which ended up being a whole Jasmine featuring Cate Blanchett’s Gatsby was looking to be a juicy role lot worse than its precessor, both generated a respectable number of ticket sales, bravura performance, whereas once but the film was bumped from its which means there are sequels planned for both films (oh dear God). again the Coen brothers work their original award-bait 2012 Christmas magic with Inside Llewyn Davis. Day release schedule to all the way in May 2013 where, to be fair, the movie enjoyed great box office success (al- most $350 million globally). Hope remains however, as Martin Scorsese’s new film The Wolf of Wall Street will certainly be going for that awards glory. This could serve as Di- Caprio’s fourth acting nomination. A first win? Only time will tell. Two of this year’s earlier animated releases were The Croods and Epic. The Croods did better business, but Epic also managed to hold its own despite Fast & Furious 6, The Hangover Part III and Star Trek Into Darkness trying to out- compete for the audience cash.

Comedies

Amongst all the summer blockbuster madness, quite a few comedy films came to light and enjoyed some effective counter-programming successes. We’re the Millers turned out to be one of Jennifer Aniston’s highest grossing films ($269 million worldwide) even though it was facing what seemed to be an unfair fight against the eagerly anticipated Elysium and other late-summer blockbusters And who can forget the little yellow that attempted to steal the spotlight. minions of Despicable Me 2? Those This is the End, starring everyone you can think of in an American stoner tiny little things are so popular they’re comedy movie, opened in direct competition with Man of Steel, and yet was not getting their very own movie, set to completely crushed by the superhero and did decent business in its complete be released in 2015. Illumination En- run, crossing the $100-million mark in the States alone, although results from tertainment has found a gold mine around the world were a touch disappointing. with this series, with Despicable Me Last but not least, Jonny Knoxville of Jackass fame decided to dress up as an 2 earning $900 million+ (!) this year old man and do inappropriate things in front of his grandson. With a modest worldwide. budget of $15 million, Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa is currently the second Let’s not forget about Pixar either, biggest money-maker of the Jackass franchise, with almost $130 million in the who did well with their first ever pre- bank. quel, Monsters University. 34 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editor: John Park FILM fi [email protected] Here’s looking at you, Itʼs been a bad year for...

Wolverine

Every Wolverine movie ends up mak- ing less money than its predecessor and this one was no exception. Simply titled The Wolverine, the immortal Adamantium-filled hero was sent to Japan to fight assassins on a bullet train and then throw that all away to be a part of one of the worst final cli- max sequences a 2013 film has so far offered. It baffled and bored despite Hugh Jackman’s best efforts to flex every single muscle in his body, al- Failed Oscar hopefuls though the end-credits scene hinting at next year’s big X-Men reunion was Australian actresses Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts had big biopics planned to be released during the awards season; reassuring. Kidman playing Grace Kelly in Grace of Monaco with Watts taking over the role of Lady Diana Spencer in Diana. Kidman’s film was bumped for an insignificant release date in March next year, whereas Watts’ film was widely panned by critics who had nothing but scathingly harsh words to say about it, and became an industry laughing stock. The box- office result for Diana was also abysmal, completely ruining whatever chance the film had in competing for awards. The same goes for Benedict Cumberbatch and his muddled film The Fifth Estate. Despite the world’s favourite Sher- lock putting on his best Aussie accent to impersonate Julian Assange, it failed to take off, having one of the worst opening weekend numbers this year. “The Cumberbitches have got my back” he said. Err...sure about that?

Desperate Twilight wannabes

Now that the Twilight and Harry Potter films are over, 2013 marked the race to see who could fill this gap with a lasting franchise. Three potential candidates came forward, with all of them falling flat both in terms of not being able to make a mark on the box office, as well as failing to impress the critics and cinema-goers. Abdellatif Kechiche First up was Beautiful Creatures, a story about good and bad witches, which had promising leads, with Alice Englert and Alden Ehenreich doing their best not to sulk and be useless. It had a great supporting cast too, with Viola Davis, Jere- Despite his deserving Palme d’Or win this year, it’s not every director’s dream my Irons, Emmy Rossum and Emma Thompson filling the adult roles. But the story went nowhere and although equipped to be labelled as being a nightmare to work with by two of his leading actress- with so much supposed magic, the film failed to have fun with its fantasy concept. A box office disappointment? For sure. es (Adèle Exarchopoulos, Léa Seydoux). But such is the fate of the Blue is the Released next is the worst on the list, which was penned by the same woman who was responsible for Twilight. The Warmest Colour director. The crew behind his film are claiming his never-end- Host, arguably one of the most awful films of 2013, had the talented Saoirse Ronan caught up in a laughable love triangle as ing shooting schedule was illegal (harassment, unpaid hours), and his incredibly she battled with her mind when it came to debating over who to kiss. The two lads in question were frustratingly slow, with long, graphic sex scenes have attracted controversy. It was all smiles, kisses and a possessed-looking Diane Kruger acting as an unintentionally hilarious villain. This also didn’t set the box office on fire. tears of joy when the film premiered in Cannes, but since then there has been Most disturbing however, was The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, a film that came dangerously close to advocat- an ugly war between the director and the cast/crew. Kechiche is now threaten- ing incest as long as it doesn’t feel wrong in the heart. Any film that can quite seriously say with a straight face that Jo- ing to sue the defaming actresses, and has stated his wish the film should never hannes Bach was a demon hunter is one that you shouldn’t feel bad about laughing at, which is the one thing this film was be released with all this bad press going with it. However this should only be a good for. There are talks of a sequel for this, which is completely baffling since it barely made back its production budget. minor setback for the Tunisian-French director, who is very much respected in the European film market. FRIDAY 06 DEC 35

@feliximperial

FelixImperial FILM kid: a 2013 round-up

Old people

Die Hard came back for yet another addition to its struggling franchise, with the 58-year-old Bruce Willis teaming up with Jai Courtney acting as John McClane’s tough CIA agent son (he had a son?!) as they cause chaos in Russia. The “old man” jokes certainly got old and tiresome quickly as that was the only kind of dry humour the script had to offer in the midst of highly unsatisfying action sequences. But nothing could have been clunkier and more repetitive than Red 2, even with the kind of talent involved. Dame Helen Mirren acting as a bad-ass spy never got the screentime that she deserved, and the “banter” hinging on Bruce Willis look- ing careless, laid back and cool was downright embarrassing. Not even the newest additions to the cast, Anthony Hopkins (old), Catherine Zeta-Jones (getting there), and Byung-hun Lee (also getting there) could add something genuinely fun to the film. And perhaps 2013 was the year in which has-been tough guys all collectively decided to stage simultaneous comebacks. It all started with Sylvester Stallone beating everyone to a pulp in Bullet to the Head, a film that was both badly received and bombed at the box office. Then it was Arnie Schwarzenegger’s turn to produce something mediocre, which he did, with The Last Stand, in which we found Forest Whitaker where he should never have been. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Stallone and Schwarzenegger teamed up for Escape Plan, where they found themselves imprisoned in the world’s most secure prison by Jesus Christ Jim Caviezel. Clearly these guys need the money have the energy, passion and, most importantly, stamina to handle such physical roles, which is probably why The Expendables 3 is set to be released in 2014 with an even bigger cast.

Science-fiction

It’s a genre that is tough to crack, especially if working with original material that doesn’t have an established fanbase, and this year was no exception when it came to expensively-shot movies not securing a big-enough audience to truly consider itself a massive success. Cloud Atlas is one that no one saw but everyone should see, Oblivion un- derperformed despite carrying the name Tom Cruise as its leading man, Guill- ermo del Toro’s robots vs. monsters movie Pacific Rim wasn’t as explosive as its bombastic action scenes, South African director Neill Blomkamp’s sophomore directorial feature Elysium was muddled and received mixed reviews and failed to become a big hit, Ender’s Game hardly turned into the worldwide motion picture event it promised to be, with R.I.P.D. and After Earth severely flopping, as very few people had nice words to say about either of those films.

The White House

Terrorists just can’t help themselves when it comes to attacking the most iconic building in the United States. The beloved White House that houses the Presi- dent was attacked not once, but twice in 2013, and each time America was lucky to have a lone-wolf hero working his butt off trying to first save the President, but then the world. Olympus Has Fallen saw Gerard Butler, the retired Secret Service agent be- ing the last hope for America as terrorists tortured the highest ranking govern- ment officials for nuclear codes. Box office losers White House Down had Channing Tatum protect Jamie Foxx the President as they humourously banter with one another in the direst of circumstance while It’s unrealistic to expect that every movie will turn a profit and become a runaway hit. For every hit there’s a miss, and this everyone looks on in disbelief. year quite a few of those misses managed to haemorrhage money for their studios. Hasn’t the White House suffered, seen, and been through enough by now? Jack the Giant Slayer did debut at the top of the United States box office but opening to a feeble $27-million three-day weekend gross. Its budget? $195 million. Without a bankable star (Nicholas Hoult is not yet someone whose name alone can attract a large group to cinemas) and without an appealing idea that clearly aimed at a broad demographic (word is, the director’s darker, adult-themed vision clashed with the studio who wanted a family-friendly action-adventure film), no one was all that keen on Jack and his dangerous quest to save a princess he has a crush on. Disney has reportedly broken its studio record with $4 billion at the global box office. Perhaps that can be used to plug the gigantic hole that was made when Gore Verbinski’s hugely expensive western The Lone Ranger flopped hard. The film alone created a loss of $160-190 million, but given the $4-billion intake, are we really feeling sorry for them? The failure must come as a blow, however, to the usually hit-making producer Jerry Bruckheimer and his regular collaborating direc- tor Verbinski. They tried blaming the critics for the diappointing financial performance, which of course is ludicrous, since critics more often than not have very little sway over what the public chooses to watch (as evidently proved by the ever-so popular Transformers franchise). Now Sam Raimi’s Oz the Great and Powerful wasn’t as big a flop as the two films already mentioned, but given the ex- tremely high production cost, the cast, as well as the big hype involved in trying to become Disney’s next early-year March hit (much like 2010’s Alice in Wonderland), it should have performed much, much better. A sequel is in the works, thanks to a good push from the international contribution, but it will be a struggle to keep this one alive for long. 36 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editor: Cécile Borkhataria FASHION [email protected] The Top 5 Fall/Winter Trends These winter warmers will put you ahead in the style stakes this season

Cécile Borkhataria Fashion editor 1.The Pink Coat Boyfriend, trench or peacoat – a pink coat or jacket is so feminine and chic. Th is season, pink is the new black and every big brand from designer to high street is dishing out their version of the trend. If your budget is stretched, check out Zara for a cute wool peacoat. If you have the money, splurge on this beautiful version by Chloé.

H and M, £7.99 Topshop, £75.00 Topshop, £8.00

Zara, £79.99

Whistles, £75.00 Asos, £21.00 Abercrombie and Fitch, £28.00 2.Roll Necks 3.Emerald Green 4. Knit Beanies Roll necks are back and they’re a simple win- Emerald green is another one of the essential col- Knit beanies are practical and aff ordable. An ter piece that can be dressed up or down. What’s ours of this season. It’s easy to wear in any way. Ac- essential piece for the frosty winter days, you’ll great is that they’re so easy to fi nd for a decent centing your everyday wardrobe with emerald ac- defi nitely wear this everyday. Accessorise it with price. Get one in a muted tone like nude or black cessories, like ballet fl ats or even a belt, will have a chunky knit scarf for bonus style points. and dress it up with a statement piece of jewel- you rocking the trend. lery. 5. The Mini Bag

Th e mini-bag is a fall/winter essential-perfect Chloé, €1,495.00 to take to all the festive season parties because it’s so dainty and practical. Opt for one with a strap if you don’t want to carry it all night long. For an inexpensive but sleek looking version, look no further than the oasis mini cross body bag.

Oasis, £22.00 FRIDAY 06 DEC 37

@feliximperial FelixImperial GAMES Linking Ages Past and Present

Zelda’s past glory: It reinvigorates its and a retro Gameboyesque top-down A Link to the Past, released on the player is well-equipped for the tasks Eoghan Totten spark.” 2D view. As a massive supporter SNES back in the 1990s. Th e Hyrule at hand. Th is saves time searching Trailers and reviews not only led of Nintendo, I am glad to see them map shows many similarities with that around in dungeons and caves for Comment Editor me to relate to the a priori form of develop yet another memorable of its predecessor. Th ese blueprints treasure chests. previous Zelda games but subtly game that simultaneously exhibits are touched up by the impressive Th e puzzles have been awarded an hinted at a new and unprecedented traditional traits and innovation. graphics on the 3DS platform. Other increased level of intricacy. Some remember the turbulent release dynamism. Its crux is said to lie in If you are a true Zelda veteran characteristics of the game also stand argue that A Link Between Worlds is period of Pokemon Gold & Silver a multi-tiered, challenging puzzle you will immediately draw parallels out. Many items can be “rented” at the “best puzzle game that Nintendo back in 2001. As a gallant eight platform, bolstered by colour coding between A Link Between Worlds and a given location, ensuring that the has ever released”. From trailers and year old boy I had anticipated its teasers it looks like they’ve drawn arrival in April. Unfortunately from Pøkemon, Mario Kart and even Ithe date of release coincided with the Metroid Prime (if it is possible to do outbreak of ‘Foot-&-Mouth’ disease. Zelda: a link to my past so). Whether it will surpass that of As an Irishman, ensnared by water Th e Ocarina of Time remains to be on all sides, the ensuing aerial trade seen. Link’s ability to morph into a embargo dashed and defl ated my 2-Dimensional shadow gives him the hopes. My anticipation incrementally ability to merge with walls and pass ratcheted to breaking point between enemies and obstacles with relative April and October. In that interval, ease. When combined with the ability deprived of the game, I envisaged it to “fast track” around the map, it is said in all its glory in the classroom, in the that the game never fails to surprise: playground, at the dinner table. When A given dungeon, plain or village will Gold fi nally arrived, it was every bit as always yield a welcome surprise upon satiating as I had hoped. Th e Legend of return. Zelda: A Link Between Worlds is the If you want to reminisce about the fi rst game in twelve years to emulate days when your only concern was those infantile impulses of nostalgia. the myriad of puzzles contained in My own copy is lying in wait under the your SNES, Gameboy, Nintendo 64, Christmas tree back home in Ireland... to name but a few, A Link Between Roll on December 14th! Worlds will not fail to disappoint. IGN eloquently summed up the By honouring the Nintendo pledge essence of the latest addition to the to continually surprise, it will also series. challenge a player. To my mind this “ Not only does it pay homage to can only be a good thing.

Calum Skene maybe refi ned a little. Th e travelling Games Editor required is made better by a handy Witch who will take you around on a magic broom to various Weather Vanes you have discovered, and is a he 3DS has sometimes bit like the teleportation from other suff ered from its line-up, Zelda games. Another new feature but it’s always had great is the ability to merge into walls and Zelda games. Starting with move around. Once you get used to Ocarina of Time 3D which this (I got stuck for ages because I Twas a great remastering of the original forgot I could do this) it makes the with a Master Quest. It’s a seriously game so much fun. Th e dungeon good game which was enough for me puzzles are the best they have been to buy a 3DS. Since then there have in ages and this is largely due to the been a great many good games for the merge ability. If I were to play a Link 3DS, but a Link Between Worlds is to the Past again, something this game truly a special game not only for the really makes you want to do, I would 3DS but for Zelda games in general. A bright outlook for Zeldaʼs future feel sad that the merge ability is not A Link Between Worlds is somewhat there as its already become one of my of a Link to the Past remake, but its favourite game mechanics, not just in more than that. Yes, the world is score that draws on the soundtrack Th is game brings back the feeling of invest in the whole lot, but then I died. Zelda. pretty close to Link to the Past and to a Link to the Past and will make the older games in which you must Shortly after my death Ravio’s assistant A Link Between worlds isn’t just a some elements are the same, but it is you feel so entranced by the magic of discover for yourself instead of being came and took my weapons back to great 3DS game, it’s a great game and really a new game in its own right. Th e Zelda. Nintendo has had success with led. Dungeons can now be done in the shop, meaning I had to travel back shouldn’t be missed by any Zelda fan. game has its own charming art style the New Super Mario Bros games and pretty much whatever order you to the shop to rent the items again. I strongly believe this game should and Link controls more fl uidly than I feel that this Zelda is akin to that. want, with the items you need not Th is can get annoying if you fi nd a be up there with other Franchise ever before. Just walking around this Th e overall feeling of a Zelda game is being obtained throughout the game particular boss hard meaning you die favourites like Ocarina of Time and game is fun! Th e world being similar to there but it is a diff erent experience to but rented from a cute, and nowhere and need to repeatedly go to the shop Windwaker. Th e game is a refreshing a Link to the Past just provides many play. Players of the Ocarina of Time near as annoying as Tingle, character to rent the items you want, but on the new Zelda experience after all the moments of nostalgia, but also causes remake will enjoy this just as much or named Ravio. Shortly into the game whole the extra freedom you have remakes Nintendo has done. With the moments of surprise when things even more! you have access to all weapons and enables you to enjoy and explore the 3DS virtual console having Oracle of are diff erent. It’s a modern top down Th ere are some new features unique the game allows you to decide which game more as you follow no set path. Ages and Seasons you can now get the Zelda and this is a really great thing. to this game that really make it stand items you want to rent. At fi rst I really Th e freedom to do the dungeons in majority of 2D Zelda games on the One stand out thing about this game out. Th e 3D provides depth and is a liked this feature, and as I had amassed any order is a feature I wish to see in 3DS system, and I highly recommend is the music. It’s a beautiful sounding welcome but not necessary feature. a small fortune in Rupees decided to the future in other Zelda games, but you pick up this one! 38 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editor: Maximilian Eggl, Calum Skene, GAMES Imran Rashid [email protected] Steamy love for PC Gaming Maximilian Eggl wants to give credit to where its due

Recently a lot of console love has at incredible prices. Th ese sales also carelessness. In my past when games been going round in the game come at a time when I think I am still were on CD’s and you needed section. With the releases of the PS4 doing quite well in terms of fi nances, a game key to install it, I would and Xbox One, the reactionary Wii U boom the sale comes along and after frequently either lose the CD, little article, I just felt that one big part of having bought about 5 games I am booklet with the game key, case gaming, namely PC gaming was being broke yet again. which would have the game key or a bit left out. Th erefore I wanted to However these steam sales are also any combination of these three. Th is bring it back into the spotlight by one of the best things about this would mean that if I would want to describing my love for one of the big online store. Th is way you can get reinstall the game, I would have to go champions of PC’s gaming, Steam. some of the best games ever at super on a massive treasure hunt to fi nd the For all you unlucky ones who don’t low prices. In fact for the last sale missing piece, with failure meaning know what steam is, imagine an (which ended on tuesday) I managed I would have to re-buy the game if I amazon just for games. However to get the Skyrim legendary edition wanted it really play it. With steams instead of actual physical goods, you for 10 pounds!! If I walked into a system, once you have bought a game only get the software. Th erefore once store this would be possible in the it is in your inventory indefi nitely and you buy the game you can immediately same capacity. In store, the number you can download it as many times download it. Furthermore once you of games that you can buy is limited as you want. Th is has just made my buy a game it stays in your inventory by the demand and actual physical life so much easier, and means that forever, meaning that you can never size of the building, while steam for each individual game I do not misplace it. is limited only by its server size. need to put in a new game CD. Th ere Now before I gush on about this Th erefore most games that you can are so many more great things about absolutely wonderful service, I’ll run think of will be available, that would steam, e.g. achievement systems, through all the negatives so you guys have been physically unavailable for bundles, auto-updates of games and don’t think I tried to deceive you. years. Another positive thing that integration with demos. Firstly, the thing that caused so much steam does is its support of multiple Steam is one of the best things that pain to the Xbox One, DRM, which operating systems. Regardless if you has happened to gaming for a while, means that you cannot exchange a concern for you console gamers (the developers of steam) and wait play on Windows, Mac OS or Linux I mean its one the biggest success games with friends and/or sell them out there. Secondly if anything goes for a reply (which can take anywhere steam is available on your platform stories of the gaming industry at the on, is impossible with steam games. wrong, there is no helpline telephone between a few hours to several days), as well as off ering games for you. current time. Steam is a great service However to be perfectly honest, this number. Th is means if somehow you which may or may not be helpful. Th e Apart from Blizzard no major game to be part for even if you are not the was almost always so on PC and are locked out of your account, play last and absolutely worst thing is the studio or distributor really does this biggest gamer, and furthermore its therefore something that most PC your game etc. you are pretty much steam sales. Coming around every to such an extent. Th e last thing I free! For all the things you get, why gamers are used to. Th is will be only screwed. You have to email Valve other month, the off er great games want to mention, is related to my would you not sign up??? Imran Reviews: Games of the Century Kingdom Rushing to the frontier by Imran Rashid Clicking your way to cookies

Cookie Clicker is the highly If you don’t cherish your sanity For those who loved the original yourself poking camels in the desert addictive game with the goal of enough to even think of playing this Kingdom Rush are really in for a and explode them if you poke them producing an infinite number of game, below are a list of remedies to treat with the new Kingdom Rush enough. Th ere are side-missions and cookies! Yup – it’s a game that CookieClickerAddiction: Frontiers available on android, apple, achievements in the game that relate to never ends as much as it never lets 1 Suicide and now Armorgames. Th is game the environment interactions such as . you go. “Kill me. If you’ve ever been my employs the same incredibly polished helping Indiana Jones escape a temple To make a cookie is simple. Just friend, kill me.” Tower Defence gameplay, artstyle, and in a jungle. Sometimes the creatures click the giant cookie on the screen. - James Dashner, The Death Cure. presentation as its prequel with new that live on the map can aide you in Cookies are the currency of the 2. Find another addictive game/ elements that enhance the gameplay. battle. game. With enough cookies you can music/hobby out there! Frontiers makes some changes in the Frontiers retains the much loved buy a grandma to bake cookies for 3. Hack the game. This is what I deeper elements of the gameplay. Th e Heroes addition from the prequel but you. Sell a grandma, oh you horrible did. I followed instructions on a enemies are a lot more varied and some with a wider range of Heroes to aid person! and unlock an achievement Youtube video that gave me pretty of the enemy bosses can pave their own you in battle. Unfortunately, many for doing the wrong thing! much enough cookies to unlock paths through the map forcing you of the heroes are only available upon With a lot more cookies you can all the current achievements – to completely rethink the course of purchasing them with real money buy even more powerful cookie although more achievements are strategy defence. Th e four basic tower however the game can be completed producing devices that further added as its makers. Surprisingly defences still remain the same as in the fi ne without purchasing additional accelerate your cookie producing CookieClicker clocked on to the prequel but the tower upgrades have heroes. Hero upgrades are more power including a time machine hack and gave me the “bad cookie” been completely revamped with some refi ned than the prequel. Th e longer that will go back in time to retrieve award. really cool towers that can for example the Hero battles, the more he or she all the cookies in the past. raise undead minions from enemy upgrades until the next level is reached. Unfortunately I fell victim to this The dark game, this absolutely corpses and use totems to dispel enemy Higher levels correspond to increased game some months ago and it was dastardly invention of a clearly magic all to allow for a more varied attack power as well as other bonus getting to the point where I would insane mind, can be found on the strategy. upgrades specifi c to the hero. leave CookieClicker on my laptop link http://orteil.dashnet.org/ But it’s the really subtle additions Kingdom Rush Frontiers was all night (turning off the hibernation cookieclicker/ which you obviously that leave the prints of an artist. Th e released on the 26th September 2013 settings) and sporadically emerging are not going to play anyway, background environment for almost and can be bought for under £3.00 on from slumber to buy upgrades. coz you have a life an all right? every map is interactive so you can fi nd iTunes and Apple store. FRIDAY 06 DEC 39

@feliximperial FelixImperial GAMES Endless dosh, what would you want? Maximilian Eggl knows Santaʼs checking his list, doing it twice!

Battlefield 4 Astro Gaming A50 CS:GO Box Keys Planetary + Premium Alienware 18 Wireless Headset Annihilation membership

I have been playing shooter games If I had more money than sense, I myself am quite an avid strategy Audio is a very important aspect of If I had an absolutely enormous forever, from Star Wars Battlefront this would be the gaming laptop I gamer. Being the first genre of gaming. In fact the quality of your amount of money, and really 2 and Halo all the way to Counter- would go for. Alienware is known games I really played intensively, headset can be the deciding factor couldn’t care less, I would buy about strike and Call of duty. Th e battlefi eld to be one of the best manufacturers I have gone through all kinds of between you hearing your opponents a thousand CS:GO keys. A quick series has always interested me, and of gaming laptops (if a bit on the variations on the tried and tested footsteps and killing him, or him explanation of what they are: if I almost splashed out for Battlefi eld pricey side), and use some of the approach. Therefore this game, sneaking up on you and knifing you! you play a round on CounterStrike 3. However I either never seemed to best ingredients for their products. which has been on my steam wish This is indeed true for shooters and there is a random chance that you have the money or time and therefore Costing about £4,000, the Alienware list for quite a long time, seems other online games, however even are assigned a box of loot, which my time to play this seemingly 18 includes a full 1080p 18’’ screen, like exactly the kind of game I for other single-players games, the you can only open if you buy a key. awesome game had passed. Yet with 2 Nvidia GTX 780M (one of the would enjoy. However for 40 (at atmosphere that excellent quality Within these boxes they have some the release of Battlefi eld 4, the next best GPU’s on the market at the some points actually 80) pounds, music and sound is paramount to absolutely epic decals and skins for instalment in this series, major steps moment, 32GB of RAM, the list I find this would be a bit much a great gaming experience. For my some of your most common guns. forward seem to have been taken just goes on. Everything that is to spend on an unknown quantity choice of Headset I go for the A50s, They do not add anything to the and an improvement of an already considered the best on the market. regardless of its apparent epicness. which are 300 pounds a pop, but game play, except for the visuals of good game. With levolution, updated Every game you could think of, this Furthermore at the moment it is in make up for the price impressively. your gun change, which if you are graphics and generally sick maps, this game could run it very comfortable Beta, meaning it could be buggy. Dolby 7.1 surround sound and dominating make you feel that extra looks like a shooter I would really on the ultra graphics settings and The risk is just too high that I’m wireless just make these puppies bit more like a badass. However at enjoy, but at a combined value of £80, not drop below 60 frames per throwing a significant amount a joy to use, and should make any 1.50 a pop, which relatively low this bundle is quite an investment. If second. Using the Alienware 18 of money down the drain for me audiophile drool. Also they not just chance of actually getting what you I had enough money, this would be would make playing any game an to really warrant purchasing it. limited gaming, and make great want, the risk versus reward is way fi rst thing I would buy, on the other absolutely great experience. Also, However if money was not an issue, general use headphones. So if I was to high. Yet if I really couldn’t care hand you never know might actually that lighting doesn’t look half bad, this would be one of the games I crapping gold, this is one of the first less, I would just buy a boatload of just get this game if I save up enough! now does it! would totally go for. things i would buy! these things Calum Skene editors wishing upon a gaming star

Super Mario 3D Batman Arkham Assissins Creed Pikmin 3 PS4 World Origins Black Flag

As a massive fan of Super Mario 3D I missed this title when it came out The combat system in the earlier I am hoping that this game is like If I were to get another console this land for the 3DS and of all other earlier this year and Christmas is games has ensured that this game the 4th Pirates of the Caribbean is what I’d go with. After missing 3D Mario games I have been super a good time to pick it up. Offering has a special place in my heart. movie and so it will make me out on the Playstation 3 maybe it’s excited about Super Mario 3D world. the same fun as Pikmin 1 and 2 After honing my skills in Batman excited about this franchise again. time to get back in on their list of A game which combines all the fun all those years ago but in HD and Arkham Asylum and perfecting my After loving the first game and exclusives. The store should be of 3D Mario but in stunning HD with the added functionality of style in Arkham City I am definitely then experiencing the magic that offering the PS3 games I missed and, for the first time, multiplayer. the Wii U gamepad this is a game ready for the next title in this is Assassins Creed 2 I felt let down out on plus indie games and other Super Mario 3D world for the Wii to get excited about! Whether you series. More story, more challenges, by the rest of the series. I wish that goodies. Playstation Plus is also U lets you play up to 4 people have played the previous games in more Batman lore. This is a great this game brings the series back to the next best thing to free online multiplayer with Mario, Luigi, the series or not I think this game success in super hero games. I love the excitement I had when playing multiplayer. In addition to my Wii U Toad, and Princess Peach (and her has a lot to offer and I hope that Batman , DC comics and these 2. I want more days spent jumping and computer the PS4 would open umbrella) as playable characters. I it delivers. It will be interesting to games are awesome! Taking all over rooftops and finding hidden up some interesting new gaming for one am super excited to play as see how my experiences of Captain in consideration I may even buy feathers. I’ll have to wait and see options. It would also function as Princess Peach. A great Present for Olimar and his Pikmin differs now this game regardless of how much if this game offers more than just a great media center with Twitch, any holiday season. that I am older. money I have! Pirates. Netflix and a blu-ray player. 40 FRIDAY 06 DEC Editor: Maximilian Eggl, Yong Wen Chua, Osama Awara TECHNOLOGY technology.felix@imperial. ac.uk What would your tech editors d Mamilian Eggl, totally needs a Roomba to clean up after him #yoloswag

Hoodie with iPhone 5S Mat Charger Super Fast Internet Roomba Earphones

Considering how much of an apple Sometimes I get really tired of A hoodie with built in earphones, that Right now I have a 30Mb connection As a student I am kinda lazy. Yes its fan I am, I think this is a bit of chargers, with all the wires and plugs. even exists, I hear you say? Yes, and it for my home, which considering my true once in a while I don’t vacuum an obvious one. At the moment I Furthermore with our modern day has been my dream to wear one of these needs is more than enough. However my room, and to be really honest have an iPhone 5, and I don’t see smartphones, you need to charge for a long time now. Perfectly machine once I starting streaming 1440p am do not feel very guilty about the 5S as enough of an upgrade to your telephone everyday and/or bring washable, I consider these jumpers the youtube videos, downloading games it. However if I had a Roomba, the pay out that much money. I mean chargers with you if you are a power heigh of human invention. Imagine on steam and trying to browse the handy cleaning robot, I would never sure the 64-bit processor and the use and want your phone to last the how stealthy you just plug one of those internet on my iPad, sometime I do have to worry about vacuuming. fingerprint scanner are all really entire day. Th erefore if I had unlimited cords into your ear and listen to music. see that it gets a bit slow. However However at £200-300 for the best nice, but do I want to pay upward cash, I would totally go for one of those No one would suspect anything! Ok yes if I had too much money, I would model, it is quite outside my rather of £500 for it? I’d rather wait for the charger mats. Basically you throw a case you would a bit weird, but well what the totally go for the maximum, in fact meagre means. Yet every day I 6, and get some real improvement around your phone, plug in the mat, lay heck. However at £60-80, the price tag is I would probably would go for the imagine, how great it would be to for my money. However if the your phone on the mat and voila it will a bit too much for what I get considering business deals, which give you an just kick back and see that little dough was not an issue, I could charge. Th is just seems the ultimate that I can only use these earphones for 3 insane amount of speed (which robot whizzing around. Now all I easily imagine myself going for the convenience for me, as it doesn’t look (maybe 4) days max before they have to can go up to one 1Tb). With this I need is a robot that does my laundry new iPhone. Now, which colour? half bad and the concept is just so cool, be washed, which means that 3 days out would never have to worry about as well, hmm.... Should I go for the blingy gold? how could I not consider it? of the week I have no earphones. downloading a movie on iTunes!

Osama Awara, going for the extravagantly amazing tech

Batcave Movie Samsung KN55S9C Archipod Marchi Mobile Tron Motorcycle Theatre OLED TV

We all know how Bruce Wayne If you’ve ever thought that HD This little beauty beats your Yes…this luxury truck/hippie van Th e TRON bike is one of those vehicles dines in style from his Stately pictures were not enough, fear average shed, that’s for sure, if you is more expensive than my home you’ll see on the street and ponder upon Wayne Manor, but where does he no more, the Samsung OLED TV fancy chilling in your garden this and your home put together. its street legality. Th is bike sure does watch movies? In his bat-cave of that uses organic self-emitting Christmas but want to keep warm The Marchi Mobile vehicle look impressive despite not having the course, and now theatre designer pixels would blow your mind away in this cosy pod with its inbuilt has everything you need this loud throaty roar of a Harley Davidson, Elite Home Theatre seating is this Christmas giving you the fiberglass insulation you wont be Christmas all in one, with a master due to its whisper quite technology. If offering the chance to share the best quality, surpassing even the disappointed. True, this is not bedroom, fireplace, 40 inch TV you don’t like the sound of your internal same experience for a staggering best LCD TVs. This TV doesn’t exactly what I would call a ‘piece of and a huge living room to name combustion engine, this is probably $2 million but would sure be worth come cheap, expect to be paying tech’ but imagine setting up your a few. You could probably have the smoothest ride you can have this it if you have the spare cash this an average price of nine grand, gaming rig in here and playing your Christmas tree and presents Christmas, especially with the TRON Christmas especially when it t’is however if you consider the price Battlefield 4 on a winter’s night. and even throw your after party in replica light illuminations to give you that the season… where the best movies per pixel it almost makes it worth The cozy atmosphere would just this beast. This is pretty much the night glow and make you look like you’ve come out on TV. it! completely add to your skill definition of travelling in style! literally shot out of the movie screens. FRIDAY 06 DEC 41

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FelixImperial TECHNOLOGY o, if they were crapping money Yong Wen Chua, fancy shmancy yet completely down-to-earth

very year, as Christmas nears, I would like to think that I have some really rich and wealthy relative who is a Lord somewhere, perhaps some Lord of the Silicon. I would then write up a list of fi ve items I would really like to have and then present it to them, knowing that I would probably get almost all of the items on the list that very Christmas. So this year, I am going to do the same. To help those busy Lords out, I’m going to list the prices of the items in my list, just to show them how little it would cost them. Of course, because they are so busy, I would like to help them out by including E the prices from Amazon UK too, so that they could just click those “1-click order” buttons and send them my way.

Asus PQ321QE 31.5 UE 9000 Wireless nVidia GeForce GTX Sony NEX7 Crucial M500 960 inch Widescreen Bluetooth Titan Graphics Card Mirrorless Camera GB Solid State Drive LCD Monitor Headphones

Well, isn’t this a beauty: this 31.5 inch TV Of course, if you have such a gorgeous When you’ve got a setup as gorgeous I write lots of code, perhaps GB Finally, when writing code, I would sitting on a desk is capable of displaying display, you also need something as mine (eventually, after Christmas!), worth of code on my computer like to immerse myself in the world a resolution of 3840 by 2160 pixels (4K) really good to drive the display. Always you’ve got to capture the moment (don’t even ask how many lines of of digital music. I hate wires getting is simply a marvel.It is also the fi rst looking for the best, the new nVidia with a good camera so that you can code there are). Of course I would in the way, and the Ultimate Ears of its kind for the consumer market. fl agship would just about suffi ce. broadcast it to the world via Facebook, need something to store those tons (UE) 9000 headphones is probably Anandtech calls this a display that has Once again, because I am too poor Twitter, and the likes! What better way of code -- and the 960 GB SSD is the the best bluetooth headphones you “ left [them] in constant awe over how to actually get one of these gems, I than to use the Sony NEX7 camera. best that money can buy right now! can get out there on the market. The incredible it was to use on a day-to-day would have to turn to Anandtech who It’s a mirrorless camera that allows for With a cost of nearly £0.60 per GB, noise cancellation and audio profile basis”. Defi nitely a must have when calls this graphics card is “simply in a interchangeable lens. It’s one of those the SSD prices have never been any on this thing might not be perfect, trying to write all those thousand lines league of its own right now, reaching compact DSLR cameras that you lower for this reliable medium. but it is one of the most expensive C++ code projects. Th ose pesky missing levels of performance no other single- could potentially fi t into a small bag. right now. semicolons will now be displayed in GPU card can touch”. glorious 4K.

Felix Technology wishes you a long and fruitful holiday! Let us know if you receive any awesome presents

(and feel free to 1010 Minutes With creates shshort and informative vi- deodeo interviewsinterviews to prprovideovide sstudents with a wealth write a review ofof career guidance. Upon signingsig up and completing a pprofile,rofile, students are providedprovi with unique oppor- or two) ! ttunitiesunities within established ccompanieso across Europe andand Asia. TheThe industries leaders are lookinglo for fresh engine- eeringring and business talent acrossac the country - sign uup,p, complete youryour profile, andand let them find you.

www.10MinutesWith.comwww.10Minutes 42 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editor: Carol Ann Cheah, Michael Yat Kit Chung FOOD [email protected] Hungry for gift ideas? Felix Food is on hand to help with your Secret Santa (under £5)

DIY Drinking Straws INTO THE FUTURE Being engineers, scientists and medics, we at Imperial should have quite good problem solving skills, yet be creative at the same time. Using what we have learnt in lectures to twist and turn this set of straws and create loads of crazy shapes will be quite interesting in any situation! Th ere are 21 pieces in total so it will keep you entertained after the end of term when you suff er from coursework withdrawal symptoms. Th is could be more fun if you arrive at the party and have a few packs to hand - not only is it a great game to play with everyone, but also, you can probably PREZZYBOX.COM build a network to drink from two glasses at the same time! Who needs mixers anyway? Ice Tankard NATURAL MACHINES Let’s be honest, it’s a problem we face every day, not just at Christmas: Sometimes we think that a shaped chocolate, cakes and even taking cold drinks out of the fridge. To the standard of most people, room customised gift is a lot more ravioli are literally a few clicks away. temperature is not exactly ideal for ‘best served cold’. Ice cubes might do the personal – be it a named memory Th e most impressive food it has job for half an hour, but soon it might make your coke tastes like it’s from a stick or a hand-drawn Christmas made so far is a bean cheeseburger dispenser machine in the JCR. card. It might sound like something – again, printing layer by layer, Th is ice tankard has a sealed outer wall that is fi lled with freezable liquid, so from Star Trek, but how about ingredients by ingredient,and then the product is portable and ‘cool’. Just freeze the mug and the liquid will keep printing food? NASA has invested into the oven to cook. your drink cold without the need for ice! Th e only thing we can pick on is that USD$125,000 into a project looking Th e idea behind this is to PREZZYBOX.COM it can only hold 400ml – that’s not even a pint! into this, but you don’t need to be encourage more healthy home an astronaut to try this cutting- eating. Th e device gives a chance edge food. Although the idea might for users to know what exactly is not sound appetising, a Barcelona in the food they are about to eat. Self Stir Mug startup is now working on a And since we are living in the 21st Th is gift is for two types of people: avid tea/coff ee drinkers and people who machine that can sit comfortably in century, the device is even cloud are plain lazy! Let’s be honest, washing up a teaspoon can be quite an eff ort your kitchen. Th e idea is similar to a connected, making recipe sharing sometimes, or worse, it could leave stains on shiny silverware/steelware. 3D printer you may fi nd in the lab, and instagramming that much Th is mug could potentially change the world for the better, you only need raw ingredients are made into paste easier. Th is might sound a bit like to fl ick the switch and the mug stirs away, creating a tea vortex. Th e switch is form and the dish is built layer by a gimmick, but the machine is due ergonomically located at the top of handle, so there really is no excuse for an layer. Th e device, called Foodini, will to be on the market in the next imperfect cup of hot drink. Just need to remember to buy the batteries, and oh, sport up to six capsules so, in theory, few years at around €1000. So still FIREBOX.COM you can’t put it in a dishwater – so it’s not completely lazy-proof. dishes with six ingredients can be slightly cheaper than the cheapest ‘manufactured’. Th e prototype has MacBook Air, would you consider shown massive potential – custom it? Gourmet Marshmallows Marshmallows are a must for any barbecues. Sadly it is way too cold to have one in December. Just to remind you and your friends of that toasty feeling, On #FelixFood this week why not try these gourmet marshmallows? London-based start up Fluff y Puff Puff s makes them with unusal fl avour combinations, like key lime pie, caramel slice and even Oreos. A new fl avour has recently been added to the store – a Christmassy one with rum and dried fruit Christmas pie. Th ese mallows have no added preservatives so that even suits those who like natural ingredients! Available online and FLUFFYPUFFPUFFS.COM some food markets at the weekend! Celebrate Christmas at Imperial Th e end of term is upon us and it’s time the usual vegetables. You even get salmon, turkey roast with port and to celebrate what we have achieved a free cracker – so enjoy it with even Christmas pudding. Th ey even this term and year. Want a traditional a couple of friends or even just provide an alternate dessert – chocolate Christmas meal but feel lazy and yourself, but that will be a bit boring. fondant! If only we can have both…. don’t want to spend a fortune? Th ere On a slightly diff erent subject, Available every day until 20 December. is so much to try, even at Imperial! Mushroom, Tomato and Basil has Booking advised for large groups. won out on the pizza poll and will be FiveSixEight available all week until the end of term! College Cafe FiveSixEight is serving Christmas Eastside Bar dinner at a bargain price of £6.50 Gingerbread latte is available in next Tuesday and Th ursday. It’s got Want something more substantial? College Cafe and it tastes just about as all you can expect – roast turkey, Th e Eastside bar is serving a three good as Costa’s. And it’s just £1.99 for roast potatoes, pigs in blankets and course dinner at £13.95 – starting with a large one (student price)! A giant gingerbread castle from our very own Comment Editor, Tess Davey. FRIDAY 06 DEC 43

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FelixImperial CAREERS

Careers Spoilt for Choice? How to decide Events

Apply via Jobs Live unless stated The Careers Service Imperial College London Workshop 9 December, 12:30 – 14:00 Preparing For Assessment Centres - Presentation Skills f you fi nd yourself in the position of having more than one job off er give yourself a pat on the back. Well done! Workshop However, it can be surprisingly hard to 10 December, 12:30 – 14:00 decide which one to accept Preparing for Assessment Centres – In-Tray / IRemember that diff erent factors are E-tray Exercises important for diff erent individuals. Make sure you have suffi cient information when trying to make up your mind. You can Seminar ask prospective employers for both more 10 December, 16:15 – 17:15 information and more time to decide. Hmmm, this might take a while... Should you go for the sweetest or the toughest? WNYC.ORG Assessment Centres Th e list below is an attempt to cover the factors you might consider when making Little or large? regularly and if so what proportion of your your decision, but it is not exhaustive. Advantages of larger employers can include day/week/month will be away? Consider Workshop Your decision will be uniquely your own. the following: more training on off er, internal what your priorities are. Is it important for 11 December, 12:30 – 14:00 Remember that your fi rst job is simply that, moves are possible, more recent graduates you to maintain regular social, sporting or Group Mock Interview and not a life-sentence. However an unwise around so better support/social life. relationship commitments outside of work decision can mean a few very diffi cult However, in a larger fi rm you may feel your and how will the job impact on this? months. contribution is not signifi cant, you might Seminar get “stuck” in a department and you might Location, Location, Location 11 December, 16:15 – 17:15 Money, hugely important but… struggle with bureaucratic systems. On the CV other hand, in a smaller organisation it may Th ink about your journey to work, the cost When you have debts to pay off , this seems be possible to gain a responsible position or of living in the area and any likely advantages like a big factor. However, remember that be “making a diff erence” more quickly. Th ere or disadvantages of the location. House Workshop salary may rise quite quickly in the fi rst couple may be the opportunity for wider ranging prices and the cost of renting might have 12 December, 12:30 – 14:00 of years of employment. Th en there may experience and the organisation may be less an impact on your decision. Can you still Preparing For Assessment Centres - Group be bonuses, and other benefi ts to consider. bureaucratic. On the negative side, there may get access to the things that are important Activities Do not attach too much signifi cance to the be less opportunity for formal training, the to you, culture, entertainment, friends and starting salary. Remember also that salary peer group may be small leading to feelings family? Satisfy yourself that you will be able progression may be much faster in some of isolation, and there may be little chance of to aff ord to live within a reasonable distance Seminar areas of employment than in others. internal moves. of the job and that you are likely to be happy 12 December, 16:15 – 17:15 doing so. Interviews Nonstop training Comfort factors

Th ink about the training opportunities You should consider whether the job may Seminar each job will provide. In today’s relatively confl ict with your values. Do you admire the 13 December, 12:30 – 13:30 fl uid job market, it is more important than products or services of this employer? Does Applying for Postgraduate Study ever to take responsibility for your own its environmental stance cause you concern? career development. Being in a good position Are there other ethical issues? You won’t to keep learning and developing skills is a be happy working somewhere if there’s a great advantage, whether you are hoping fundamental misalignment here. for progression or for a change of career direction later on. If formal study is required, Shirt & Ties or T-shirts & Jeans make sure the issue of study leave and fee payment is clear. Th is may not be easy to defi ne, but it Hopefully these ideas will help you to includes things like whether or not the evaluate any off ers that you receive and make The daily grind organisation is static, formal and rigid a well informed choice. Th e important thing or fl uid, informal and embraces change. is to keep your employer contacts informed. Do you know enough about what you will Is there a very clear hierarchy within the Do not just accept everything and think that actually be doing day-to-day in the job? Will organisation? Who would you be reporting you can make a decision later. Reneging it provide enough variety and intellectual to and where do they fi t within the structure. on job off ers is very defi nitely frowned challenge? Is the level of responsibility about When you visited the organisation what was upon by recruiters and, as the graduate right, and how soon will that responsibility the level of formality, how did people meet recruitment market is a surprisingly close come? Is the job likely to be pressured, with and greet each other. Th ink about the other knit community where people do actually lots of deadlines, and are you likely to enjoy employees you have already met. If you liked meet and talk with each other, you could get that? Will you be essentially offi ce based, out them, you would probably be quite happy a bad reputation very quickly by reneging. It on site, meeting with clients and customers or working with them. is much better to be honest and open and let working with other parts of the organisation? all concerned know that you might like some Nine to Five? more time to make a decision. Asking for a What about the future? week or perhaps two is reasonable but don’t Many employers these days talk about the expect a company to keep a job off er open for Th ink about the state of health of the “work/life” balance which is quite important much longer than that. Remember that every prospective employer and/or its sector – is to many graduates. However, in some off er you are hanging on to is an off er that it expanding or contracting? Is the company organisations there can be a ‘long-hours’ someone else cloud benefi t from. If you need profi table or does the organisation have a culture with lots of unoffi cial overtime and help making your decision talk it through good reputation? In an uncertain world, it weekend work. Does the organisation with others, friends, family, you can also use may be better if a job off ers a range of career encourage working from home? Will you your careers consultant at College as a useful development options, rather than leading have a set location or desk or is ‘hot desking’ sounding board. But if you do discuss with into a narrow fi eld. How marketable are you the norm? What about travelling away from others remember the fi nal decision must be likely to be after two years’ experience? home? Is this something that you will do yours! 44 FRIDAY 06 DEDECC

HANGMAN [email protected]

This Week In The Past EDITORIALISTMAS Indeed, it is this writer’s belief that any and cards for others you should buy kind of eff ort made over Christmas yourself copious gifts, have them sent should be enitrely focussed on the to your home address and make your The Historian The Hangman acquisition and consumption of family watch as you unwrap present Hangman Contributor Hangman Editor inebriative substances. Which leads after present. nicely onto the second piece of advice... Finally, don’t forget to spend the orth Pole - As the year whole time conplaining about the draws to a close, this ...Ignore your family and loved ones. commercialisation of Christmas, 2004 - Th e Civil Partnerships Act comes into editor gives his advice Th ose guys have held you back all year. because it will fascinate everyone you force allowing people to be homophobic in a on the festive season. Th ey take up time, money and love see. socially acceptable manner for another 10 years. that would have been more usefully NDrink. Any moment spent without an spent on yourself. Christmas, as I So, forget going to family gatherings; alcoholic beverage in your possession shouldn’t need to remind you, is all treat yourself; maintain a blood- is an insult to the baby Jesus and about the individual. alcohol content of at least 0.2% everything Christmas stands for. because Christmas is all around. 1978 - Th e Sovient Union signs a highly In fact, instead of buying presents suggestive "Friendship Treaty" with Afghanistan if you know what I mean ;) Mushroom Imperial College Union announces “DO YOU Pizza Elected Summer Ball for next 75 years HAVE ALL THE NEWS? Email 1958 - Th e Preston by-pass opens meaning no hangman. Timothy McSweeny one has to forcibly suff er Preston ever again. felix@imperial. Hangman Contributor ac.uk AND GIVE IT he vote this week to elect BACK.” a new food representative to the FiveSixEight has 1877 - Th omas Edison creates on the earliest returned the Mushroom, recordings of the human when he sings "Mary Tomato and Basil Pizza as had a little lamb". Th e single opens at at #1 in the Tthe new Vice-President (Hot Foods). US charts and stays there for a total of 126 weeks. After a closely fought battle with the Deluxe Spicy pizza, Mushroom won out with by a slim 2% margin.

Th e campainging was fi erce from both 1697 - St Paul's Cathedral opens and sides and often threatened to descend lives. Two tributes will be reaped subsequently goes on to feature in into vitrolic name-calling. However, Timothy McSweeny from each Department, with training numerous skylines of London as one after initial concerns over whether the Hangman Contributor provided by the senior tutors. Th e of Britain's best-loved sillhouettes election would be "free and fair", the safe students will be able to watch result was accepted by all involved. the games, with the business school his week Imperial College already starting the necessary Whilst both the Spicy Deluxe and the Union announced its plans paperwork to be a registered Mushroom, Tomato and Basil were for the next 75 Summer bookie in time for the fi rst event. 1676 - Th e Battle of Lund sees a Danish always considered the front runners, Balls, until Imperial Th e location for the fi rst games is Army engage a Swedish Army which ends the Pizza Union put in an unusually fi nalises its merger with the rumoured to be Silwood Park, where in a long and happy marriage the likes of strong showing - garnering 23% of Tother London universities. Th e most the presence of a nuclear reactor is which you just don't see anymore these days. “Do you the vote. It has been speculated that surprising part of the announcement expected to add a certain spice to feel lucky, its strong stance on immigration was the change from the usual the occasion. An anonymous Union punk? Email was instrumental in its gaing a large Ball theme of the evenings, with a source told Hangman “Imperial has hangman. percentage of the vote. new ‘Hunger Games’ style system over 40 departments, so with all 80 felix@imperial. proposed. Rather than listening to a tributes we’ll have almost doubled ac.uk and fi nd It was a disappointing showing for band that was nearly famous 5 years the attendance fi gures from last year. out!” the Napoletana, proving once again ago, undergraduates will be forced to Heck with the insider knowledge of that College is unprepared for egg on fi ght to the death with the ultimate the location we might even turn a pizza. prize of a 1st class degree and their profi t on it!”

People Taking Lift To Gym Definitely Got The Right Idea

The Hangman "Clearly these people have truly show that spending lots of time doing Hangman Editor understood the idea behind going to weights is defi nitely well worth it a place full of exercise aids" said one because you are "certainly going to be new study has this researcher. faced with many scenarios in which all week confi rmed that extra muscle will come in handy". that those who take "In fact, not only have they understood the lift to the Ethos the concept, they have also happened Th e university has put plans into gym have defi nitely upon the most effi cient way to motion to remove the stairs in Ethos understoodA the whole gym idea. conserve their energy prior to altogether on the grounds that people exercise" he continued. might do exercise in a non-exercise The front cover to Thomas Edisonʼs fi rst Album “Lovinʼ Th e survey conducted by researchers designated area. DC” released to coincide with his promotion of direct in the Faculty of Medicine "By avoiding taking the stairs to the current. It featured such classics “One Direction (No Alternative)” and “Planning (For Laptops)” as well, of conclusively showed that all those second/third fl oors, these innovators At press time, the researchers were course, as the #1 hit “Mary Had a Little Lamb”. who had decided that the best way to are saving their energy for that extra beginning investigations into whether get fi t was to take the lift all the way push on the treadmill". those that smoke and also exercise to gym had defi nitely understood the regularly are onto something. basic principles of exercise. Th e study was also able to successfully FRIDAYFRIDAY 06 DEDECC 45

@feliximperial

FelixImperial HANGMAN

CRACKER CONTENTS Farah Announces the turnip Marriage Going BEST PRESENT MAN Well Hangman’s Finest College News Source WILL GET THIS YEAR “I Love My Wife” Banks Figure It’s About Time For Next Misdemeanor Get Fined For Rate-Rigging fter a prolonged period of months in which they had neither fucked Mo Farah does his famous pro-mar- over the economy nor riage celebration - the Mobot. Picture siginifcantly defrauded Credit: The Times anyone,A the banks this week decided ollowing the news that Tom that they would get themselves Daley is no longer single, Mo fi ned £1.4 billion for forming Farah has confi rmed that illegal cartels to rig interest rates. Interests rates being directly his marriage is still “going manipulated by insidious banks. Photo Credit: investopedia.com swimmingly”. A spokesman for Barclays said "We F felt the time was ripe for another their own obscenely vast assests, came Th e news comes much to the chagrin banking scandal". nearly a full year since the last scandal. of Farah’s many admirers who had secretly hoped his 2010 marriage to "At Barclays, we are committed to Th e Royal Bank of Scotland, not one Tania Nell was on the ropes. being involved in a new outrageous to miss out on a major banking crisis, revelation on an annual basis" he again played a key role in the cartel. “Since I found out Daley’s taken, continued. Th is time however, they got fi ned. I was hoping Mo’s marriage had Although since the bank is publically deteriorated” said one secret admirer. "In fact, we feel this is the banks owned, it seems as if they cheekily got greatest misdemeanor since playing a the public to pay for this one too. “I mean there’s always Greg major role in the 2008 fi nancial crisis." Rutherford, but he’s from Milton Th ankfully, the two banks who faced Keynes, so he’s probably really boring” Th e scam, which essentially involved the biggest fi nes - Barclays and UBS - several banks agreeing not to change grassed on their fellow banks and thus Photo Credit: Adam Bronkhorst “Are there no single 2012 GBR their interest rates and thereby protect avoided fi ning at all. medallists left?” CANCER GEMINI TAURUS VIRGO ARIES LEO

This week you buy Christmas SO THIS WEEK. WOW! This week you are praised by This week you are featured This week you roar into the This week is the last week of dinner at the Union, after MUCH AMAZE. VERY a computer generated voice on a new Spotted at Imperial Beit Quad on your pimped up term! Hurrah! As the quality being convinced by the GOOD TIME. WHY every 15 minutes. After the fi rst page. Except this page refers scooter, wearing furs and ex- of your work begins to dete- convincing blogs by the CAGE? SO HUNGRY. fi ve days of basking in the adul- to your possessions instead. aggerating about the size of riorate and you begin to fre- Union DPFS and President. MUCH MOON SHINES. terated worship you decide to “Spotted in the Library, one red your genitalia. Unfortunately quently drink unusual quanti- Little do you know, much like SO TRANSFORM. VERY take it one step further and you pencil case with a name tag for nobody is amused since it’s ties of alcohol, responsibly, Polari, this is a secret signal RAGE. MUCH HOWL. connect your computer to twit- Jodie”. As you hurry to collect winter and sane person walks you wonder why you even to the Union hack subculture NICE WOLF. ter and apply a pseudo-mar- your belongs your praise the around topless and wearing bother with this whole study- who approach you with kov generator which causes existence of the page and won- sunglasses. You realise your ing thing and decide to take a hopes of discussing Council chaos, destroying the central der what the fuss was about. stepped into to wrong era and weekend trip to Siberia in your

papers. library. Somehow. It’s mostly harmless right?CAPRICORN return to your time machine. shorts. You die. #YOLOSWAG AQUARIUS SAGITTARIUS SCORPIO PISCES LIBRA

You start on your journey to This week you decide to enter This week you realise that the This week you are a unicorn. Wait, This week you decide that This weak ewe decide two take Law School wearing your the RCSU Science Challenge. NSA is tracking you wherever do you exist? How can you tell? Is you’ve had enough of the drivel a different approach to righting. workshop overalls from your After taking advantage of the you go. Deciding to fuck with the pain that you feel real? In or- that you read in the horoscopes Instead ov taking you’re thyme last lab. As you enter the door free bottle of wine that the event their minds a little, you deicide der to test the probability of your and decide to send in your and thinking a head ewe de- the snobby OxBridge toffs organisers paid through the nose to leave your phone in a Brit- reality you decide to disguise your- own. I mean really, the person/ cide to just put down what ewe snub you, walking past with for, you realise that you need ish Airways check-on luggage self and go to a PETA meeting. thing that writes these mush r thinking. Butt know one fi nds their fresh game in search of practise. So you decide to open bag. You laugh as your glob- Several hours later with you ears bleed- have never seen a real horo- the knew ewe funny and ewe a kitchen. You have the last Felix, pick a section and send a trotting travels are bound to ing from the shear crap forced through scope. After several success- just end up in a corner, alone laugh since you went to Impe- message to the email at the top confuse the NSA who know you them you resign yourself to your fate ful weeks your horoscopes and sad. Ewe decide ewe rial and watch a lot of CSI. It’s of the left hand page, with an ar- are a mere engineer, until they in the corporeal world and start chas- become too successful and don’t knead them anyway and not real science you know... ticle. You win all! Much amaze! come though your door at 1 AM. ing rainbows. You fall of the balcony. you wish for a simpler life. become a street busker... 46 FRIDAY 06 DEC

Editor: Nida Mahmud CLUBS & SOCS [email protected] Give It A Go! The Winter All-Nighter What to expect at ICU Cinemaʼs movie marathon Yas Edwards Deputy President (Clubs & Societies)

YEdd ive It A Go is a programme that ran for the fi rst time at Imperial College Union in October. Th e aim of the programme was to give a taste of some of the numerous activities off ered by Gour many Clubs, Societies & Projects. Th ese were predominantly free or cheap taster sessions, events and activities which most importantly did not require the purchase of any membership beforehand. Th e aim was to enable students to try new activities with many diff erent clubs before committing to becoming a member. As many Clubs, Societies & Projects already IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION CINEMA§ ran such activities it seemed a natural step to help them publicise them all under the one banner. you can make the entire night. Alpha Papa, after fellow DJ Pat Farrell is Ellen Mathieson And you do. As dawn breaks, you feel the threatened with redundancy, he decides that We had almost 3,000 students participating in the ICU Cinema pride of being alert and aware, satisfi ed by the only solution is to hold the rest of the staff activities on off er and it really highlighted some of the the fi lms you have just witnessed. Now you hostage. And the only person that he will amazing activities that our Clubs, Societies & Projects return to your home, to be reunited with the negotiate with is Partridge himself. Despite off er. Synchronised swimmming, Greek dancing, s the nights draw in, one you know as sleep. nearly twenty years since his fi rst outing, this learning how to run a cinema projector, and building coursework piles up and Now only one question remains. What fi lm shows that Partridge still is, as he always an energy kiosk were just a few of the varied activities dreamy smiles cross students’ fi lms are we actually showing? has been hilarious, embarrassing and still for students to experience. faces at the thought of the First up, we have the new and genius somehow loveable. Christmas holidays, Imperial concept of precocious children capable Prisoners asks the question of how far you 71 clubs in total were involved in our fi rst Give It A CinemaA are hard at work preparing for an of greatness, as Earth’s brightest kids are would go keep your family safe. After his Go and received publicity in booklets distributed at evening of hostages, hotdogs, Somali pirates trained to become military commanders young daughter and her friend are kidnapped, Freshers’ Fair 2013 and on the What’s On pages of the and soup. Th at’s right, it’s time for your against an alien threat, the Formics. But and the only suspect is released due to a lack Union website. Membership fi gures are almost 5% up favourite event of the year: the Winter All- this is much more than Harry Potter in of evidence, Keller Dover decides to take on where they were at the same point last year and our Nighter. space, as we follow the life of six year old matter. With a great performance by Hugh feedback suggests that Give It A Go certainly helped Imagine if you will, a Tuesday night in the Andrew ‘Ender’ Wiggen, watching him Jackman, and Jake Gyllenhaal tattooed and with this. Union. Everything seems normal downstairs, grow from bullied child to a man capable rugged like we’ve never seen him before, this as the bar is full of people enjoying their of fulfi lling his destiny. Based on the 1985 is the perfect fi lm to keep you awake at four So where next with Give It A Go? We asked slightly-too-expensive pints. Up a fl oor novel by Orson Scott Card, Ender’s Game in the morning. participating clubs if they thought they would and things begin to change. Winding down boasts gorgeous cinematography, zero Our fi nal fi lm is Joss Whedon’s latest benefi t from a second scheme in January and 76% of the staircase you see a queue of people in gravity battle sequences and the fi rst time off ering. From the genius behind Buff y and respondents thought they would. Many people miss dressing gowns, their nonchalant poses we’ve seen Harrison Ford in space since Star Cabin in the Woods, and featuring cast that opportunities in fi rst term due to the time constraints slightly ruined by the fact that they are Wars. And if you are worried about Card includes Agent Coulson from Avengers: of adapting to new timetables and London life and it’s cuddling pillows. You try to fi gure out what gaining your hard earned cash (also known Assemble and Mal from Firefl y, this is a not too late to try something new and to join a Club, is going on, you hear talk of people fi lled as booze money) to put towards his famous recipe for sci-fi magic. Or Shakespeare for Society or Project that you’ve not been involved in with regret at having to spend an extra two homophobic rants, you need not worry. He that matter. Filmed in Whedon’s house before. Th at’s why Give It A Go will be making a return pounds on an all-night ticket as they forgot doesn’t see a penny of the profi t of this fi lm. in the two weeks between fi lming and in January, with more opportunities to get involved to buy online beforehand. You realise this is Next, from Formics to Formula 1 we have editing Avengers: Assemble, this modern in the exciting opportunities provided by our Clubs, where you’ve wanted to spend your evening Ron Howard’s racing drama: Rush. Even adaptation of Much Ado About Nothing is a Societies & Projects. all along: the cinema. for those who have better things to do on a monochrome masterpiece. As you take the seat that will become your Sunday than watch people drive in circles, So there it is. A chance to see six fi lms for Clubs, Societies & Projects can sign up to Give It A home for the next fourteen hours, you are this fi lm is an engaging watch. Set during the the price you would usually pay to see one. Go online until Wednesday 11 December. Th is will fi lled with anticipation, almost bubbling 1976 racing season, Rush is the tale of the And a decent excuse to miss lectures the ensure you get for free advertising and promotion of over with excitement. Th is is soon replaced rivalry between English ladies man James next day. So what are you waiting for, book events in booklets, online and through promotional with an uncomfortable sensation in your left Hunt, and austere Austrian Niki Lauda from your tickets now. I’ll see you there! activities on South Kensington campus. buttock as you realise why people decided to Brazilian beginnings, through fi ery German bring pillows, which you attempt to rectify by crashes to the adrenaline fuelled Japanese Line Up: doing a strange dance in your seat to remove fi nale. Overall, with superb acting, a well 18:00: Ender’s Game the pressure, resulting in strange looks from written script and action packed directing, 20:30: Rush all around you. But, this soon passes as the Rush is a slick, well-oiled machine (sorry). 23:30: Captain Phillips fi rst fi lm begins. Th e fi rst in our accidental trio of hostage 02:00: Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa Th ree fi lms pass and you’re doing fi ne. But related fi lms is Captain Phillips. Th is is far 03.45: Prisoners as midnight comes and goes, you begin to from your stereotypical pirate fi lm, you won’t 06:30: Much Ado About Nothing dream of the staple of university students hear a single ‘arr’ in this chilling thriller based everywhere: caff eine. You pray to every deity on a true story. Th e eponymous Captain Th e Winter All-Nighter is on Tuesday 10th you can think of to supply you with just Phillips has his cargo ship overtaken over by December. one drop, before you remember that you Somali pirate Muse, who decides to hold him actually paid for free food and make your and his crew hostage in the hope of making Tickets are £10 online (until 4pm on the day) way upstairs. millions. Th is plan gets even more dangerous or £12 on the door. If you don’t fancy staying Warmed to the depths of your soul by for both parties involved when the US Navy all night, tickets are £3 per fi lm on the door. soup, and energised by coff ee near saturated get on the scene. Captain Phillips is exciting, with sugar, you feel ready to continue. You tense and will probably make you think twice For an extra £5, you can get All-You-Can-Eat watch as the people around you slowly give about that beach holiday to Somalia you Hot Food and Drink all night. Th is includes up, dropping off to sleep in their seat, or for were planning over the summer. the usual mix of tea, coff ee, toasties, hot some lucky few, sneaking back to their room Th e stakes have never been higher for dogs, soup, pot noodles and more. in Beit for a quick nap. But you know that everyone’s favourite Norfolk DJ as he returns Tickets can be bought from tickets. you are stronger than them. You know that for his big screen debut. In Alan Partridge: imperialcinema.co.uk. FRIDAY 06 DEC 47

@feliximperial FelixImperial PUZZLES

FUCWIT League Crossword Clues

nickwp 31 Quick clues Sudoku Jia Choo 28.5 Helix 8 Each row, column, and 3 x 3 box must contain all the numbers from 1 Across Adam Stewart 18.5 Gabriel Quek 7 to 9. Thatʼs all. Enjoy... 1. Square enclosed by uni halls (4, 4) Yufan Zhao 17 Emma and Ben 6 5. Joint (6) Juliette Chupin 8.5 WJ 3 Harder: 10. Type of fuel (7) 11. Patron (7) 12. Part of mindʼs store (5-4, 6) Crossword 13. Rubble (6) 14. Guest (7) 16. Reverberating (7) 19. Wet and windy (6) 22. Attracts without the need for a current (9, 6) 23. Cheat on (3-4) 24. Something you can get from a barber (7) 25. Predatory animal of North America (6) 26. Lacking shape (8)

Down 1. Road intended to ease congestion (6) 2. Element differing in number of neutrons (7) 3. Competitor three steps from possible victory (15) 4. Never getting older (7) 6. Behaviour of a worker (15) 7. In a nutshell (2, 5) 8. Where you might see chickens and pigs (8) 9. Science fiction author (6) 15. Tyrannical (8) 17. Combination of notes played together (7) 18. Bloke (6) 19. Louis Armstrongʼs nickname (7) 20. Eyeglass (7) Killer: 21. Prestige (6)

No clues! Instead, the numbers in each cage must add up to the Cryptic clues number in the top left. Numbers cannot be repeated in a cage. Tips: Nonogram Across The numbers in each box, row and column must add up to 45. Look for 1. Union found here - quiet shattered in awful sur- cages with only one possible combination e.g. a two wide cage total The lengths of runs of shaded squares in each row and roundings (4, 4) 3 must contain 1 and 2 . each column are given. Squares can only be shaded or 5. Starts to smoke pot, like in fag form? (6) unshaded. Solve the puzzle to unveil a pretty picture. 10. 6D secretary with neon gas (7) 11. Finance drug-free ones in endless game (7) 12. Revise “Most Merry Mother” - it helps you remember (5-4, 6) 13. Remnants of French-Jewish ceremony (6) 14. Tourist, Italian, wearing face protector (7) 16. Resounding, for example, around feature enclosing ring (7) 19. Blustery or murky at first in squalid place (6) 22. Itʼs always attractive for every chap beating mean gent, over time (9, 6) 23. Deceive twice (3-4) 24. Bob, say, to dry carbon in cabin (7) 25. Canine Olympics chairman about to play around (6) 26. Fuzzy as boyʼs lacking a shilling (8)

Down 1. Dad in alongside Nazis for operation (6) 2. Mission: two spies take every other kind of element (7) 3. In Iraq, lust after beaten future champion? (15) 4. Eternal sticky stuff on base of logs in butt (7) 6. 11A families mistake proper work conduct (15) 7. Briefly inch small house right (2, 5) 8. Troops in distant Germany land near smallhold- ing (8) Last Week’s Solutions 9. “Since one moment before five,” he wrote (6) 15. Cops tied up authoritarian (8) 17. Damage zero-state accord (7) 18. Wow, zip with nothing missing, man (6) 19. Jazz singerʼs a leading tenor taken in by dumbass (7) 20. Mr Farah reassembled clone visual aid (7) 21. Immediately America provides condition (6) “Keep the SPORT Cat Free” Kunal Wagle Editor: 06/12/13 [email protected] Issue 1563 felixonline.co.uk Felix Sport wishes you a Merry Christmas!

IC score Tour Match Premier League Predictions doesn’t offer Gus Poyet has been luckless of late walk-off James White and the Black Cats have found the net many clues for hard to come by. But they have already win IC thrash Football Columnist beaten Man City and Newcastle at the England Stadium of Light and I expect them to overcome an under-pressure Spurs Chris Carter The Ashes Column Arsenal v Everton side short of goals. IC Baseball UCL and (Sunday 4pm, Sky Sports 1) Prediction: 1-0 Kunal Wagle Roberto Martinez’s Toff ees remain Stoke v Chelsea Sports Editor Brunel outsiders for a Champions League Oxford started brightly, scoring spot after quietly impressing thus far. Rather like Man City, the Blues’ away two runs in the fi rst innings due But their commanding league posi- form is not that of champions. But to some sloppy fi elding in the Im- Zain Rizvi tion is based largely on their out- Stoke were atrocious at Everton last perial outfi eld. After the fi rst two IC Indoor Cricket Player standing home form, and they remain weekend, posing no attacking threat batters struck out, the innings pretty inconsistent away from the for- whatsoever, and Jose Mourinho can started to look up as Zack Wang tress that is Goodison Park. Th eir full silence some of the doubters here. hit a single into centre fi eld. Un- backs like to play an open, expansive Prediction: 0-3 fortunately, the two runners were game but will have to be disciplined left on base as Oxford struck out and batten down the hatches against Crystal Palace v Cardiff the next batter. GETTY IMAGES the Gunners. Arsenal remain impos- After the second inning, the sible not to back at the Emirates and Crystal Palace make up for lack of Oxford batting progressed stead- After a traumatic fi rst Test in the se- Aaron Ramsey, Olivier Giroud and quality with desire and excellent or- ily, and the runs crept up. Th is ries for England, in which they lost by co. should have no problems here. But ganisation. Cardiff pose little off ensive was complemented by the Oxford a large margin, as well as seeing Jona- the real test of their title credentials threat away from home and this is a pitcher’s impressive performance than Trott return home for a stress- will be provided by the teams around brilliant opportunity for Tony Pulis to (albeit with a less than impressive related illness, it was important that them. claim 3 vital points. Movember attempt), recording the team used their tour match against IC INDOOR CRICKET- Prediction: 2-0 Prediction: 1-0 ten strikeouts as he shut out the the Cricket Australia Chairman’s XI Imperial off ence, giving Oxford a eff ectively. What happened instead n 23rd November, West Brom. v Norwich fairly uneventful (hence only two was unlikely to instil much confi dence Imperial indoor Man United v Newcastle paragraphs) 11-0 win. in an already faltering batting line-up, cricket team (Saturday 12:45, BT Sport 1) Th e Baggies seem to give everybody Imperial feared the worst as who struggled to 212-7 on day one. In played the second a really good game nowadays. Steve Oxford started the second game addition to this, England’s pace bowl- round of the BUCS David Moyes’ men are fi nally starting Clarke has moulded a quality side strongly, hitting 6 runs in their ers were only able to take one wicket Oindoor league at the University of to look like title contenders, but they nailed on for regular top-half fi nishes. fi rst innings. Th e Falcons clawed between them. East London’s SportsDock centre. are making a bad habit of dropping By contrast, the Canaries have been two runs back courtesy of Zack But it isn’t all doom and gloom for Our fi rst game was against UCL points, rather like Moyes’ Everton very average of late and rarely produce getting a hit in the bottom of England – Tim Bresnan has been and it was time to exact our re- sides of yesteryear. It won’t be easy a surprise result. the inning. In the bottom of the added to the Ashes Squad, having venge after defeat in the previous here against a bang in-form Newcas- Prediction: 2-0 second innings, however, the come back playing strongly for the round. We won the toss and elect- tle side. Alan Pardew has gone from Imperial off ense started to come Performance Squad. Gary Ballance is ed to bowl fi rst, and our opening favourite for the sack to fl avour of good. After the lower order bat- also looking solid whilst playing in the bowlers, Zain Rizvi and Vignesh the month; that he has left the likes of Fulham v Aston Villa ters all got on base, the big hitters Tour Match in Alice Springs – he was (Viggy) Venkateswaran took early Hatem Ben Arfa on the bench recently (Sunday 1:30) at the top of the order came back the only player to pass fi fty for Eng- wickets, with Zain fi nishing with shows the Magpies have real strength to drive the runs in. As the score land in the fi rst innings. fi gures of 3 overs, 3 wickets for 9 in depth. Th ey will believe they can Martin Jol’s sacking last weekend was racked up, the Falcons began to Early indications suggest that it will runs, accompanied by some fi ne follow in the footsteps of West Brom no surprise at all and Rene Meulen- take control, as J.D. Smith was be Ballance who wins the race to re- bowling by Matthew Knights who and claim all three points here, so steen has his work cut out to stop the walked to tie the game at 7-7. Im- place Trott, ahead of Jonny Bairstow picked up 2 wickets off his 3 overs. hopefully we are in for a classic like rot. Unfortunately for Fulham, Aston perial fi rst baseman Chris Carter (who showed signs of weakness Due to the impressive bowling ef- last season. Villa produce their best performances stole home to put the home team against the short ball in the sum- fort by Imperial, UCL could only Prediction: 3-2 away and will be up for this after frus- up by one run going into what mer), and the all-rounder Ben Stokes. muster a mere 78 runs in their 10 tration last weekend. would be the fi nal innings. Bresnan is also likely to be selected, overs. Imperial began their run Southampton v Man City Prediction: 3-0 In the top of the third, Ox- this time ahead of Chris Tremlett, who chase perfectly, with Vishal Nair ford took the lead. Oxford’s big seemed lacklustre in the fi rst match. retiring not out on 27, and Juhin Th is is a fascinating match-up. Th e Liverpool v West Ham American shortstop launched a Th e selection of Bresnan will also have Patel (22*) and Viggy (10*) seeing Saints have failed to beat the big guns huge hit towards left centre fi eld. the added advantage of giving England Imperial through to a solid win of late despite their strong start. But Despite their setback at the KC Sta- As the away team looked certain more batting depth. without the loss of any wickets. for all their exceptional home routs, dium last weekend and Daniel Stur- to score, the ball was plucked Graham Gooch, England’s batting Th e second fi xture of the morn- Man City are poor on the road and do ridge’s injury, Liverpool remain a free from the air by left fi elder Steph coach, has dropped the biggest hint ing was against Brunel University. not possess the same fear factor. Make scoring side – in stark contrast to the Mangeon, making a fantastic yet that it will be Joe Root who bats Th is time, Imperial lost the toss no mistake, Mauricio Pochettino bad- Hammers. Sam Allardyce’s men never game-saving catch. After the fi - in Jonathan Trott’s position at three. and Brunel elected to bat fi rst. Fol- ly needs to reinvigorate his side – they concede lorry loads of goals but there nal Oxford batter ground out to How successful this venture will be lowing the success in the fi rst game, will be hurting from defeats at Arse- can surely only be one outcome. J.D. Smith at second base, Impe- remains to be seen. When he has Imperial made breakthroughs nal and Chelsea. But you always feel Prediction: 2-0 rial needed two runs to win from opened for England, Root has seemed courtesy of Viggy and Zain, with City are prone to errors – just look at their fi nal innings. to struggle, suggesting he might be Jayanth Ganapathy bowling su- how this fi xture panned out last sea- Swansea v Hull Alex Fung launched a line drive vulnerable if England were to lose perbly at the death, picking up 2 son, when City’s title bid eff ectively (Sunday 4pm) into right fi eld for a single, bring- their fi rst wicket early. wickets as well as keeping the runs ended at St Mary’s Stadium. Th e fi rst You get the sense Swansea’s indiff erent ing the Imperial top order back Adelaide presents a huge opportu- down. Brunel crawled their way to goal will be crucial and the Saints are form is down to the diffi culty of bal- up. After a new pitcher walked nity for England to get back into the 67 all out before Imperial launched experts at bagging it, so I’m backing ancing European and Premier League the next two batters to load the series. Th e last time they played here their run chase. them to share the spoils. commitments. Hull are notoriously bases. On the third pitch, Ash- they trounced the Australians, with Vishal played with class on his Prediction: 1-1 hard to break down but Michael La- ley belted a line drive into centre Graeme Swann picking up a fi ve-wick- way to 26 not out, accompanied by udrup at least has the fl air players to fi eld. Vincent slid in, meaning et-haul. Th e Australians have opened a mature knock from Viggy (25*) Sunderland v Tottenham do it and claim an important home the Falcons took a tense 10-9 vic- the door to the Ashes – England have and some late hitting by Jayanth, to (Saturday 5:30) win. tory after a tremendous walk-off to make sure that it shuts again this see Imperial home by 5 wickets. Prediction: 2-1 single from Ashley. week.