The student newspaper of Imperial College
Issue 1050 FELIX February 16th 1996 Bookshop May hew: IRA must call bid may ceasefire again before talks cost £80K BY MIKE INGRAM BY THE NEWS TEAM The Northern Ireland Secretary College authorities have indicat- Sir Patrick Mayhew visited ed that they may ask for up to Imperial College on Wednesday, £80,000 a year from the bidder amid the furore following the successful in their application to IRA bombing of Docklands last run the new bookstore. IC's Friday. He spoke to a packed Estates Department are planning Mechanical Engineering lecture to launch an 'invitation to ten- theatre on the Ulster peace der' to gauge the interest of process in the wake of the break- major book companies, such as ing of the paramilitary's cease- Blackwells and Dillons, in man- fire. aging the proposed shop. College stepped-up security They will also consider an for Sir Patrick's arrival to application from ICU, who cur- address the gathering, organised rently run the shop on the by the Conservative Society. He Sherfield Walkway, but Union described the current situation officials are concerned that they as "a time of great disappoint- will be priced out of the market. ment |and| great anxiety", and The insist they could offer at spoke of his sympathy for the least as good a level of service to victims of Friday's attack and students, but haven't the exten- their relatives. He also sive capital of larger chainstores. expressed hope that the peace The Director of Estates, Ian process could be brought back Caldwell, insisted that the bids on track as quickly as possible, "will be judged on.a balanced set of criteria between service, the and that this would be through financial deal, and the risk." round-table discussions between the factions in the province. The Estates Department are He explained the hurdle planning to include the large preventing the setting up of all- bookstore on the ground floor of party talks on the future of the the library (Felix 1044) when it PHOTO: ALEX FEAKES province, as a "question of conti- is expanded as part of the cur- Continuc.d mi page three Sir Patrick Mayhew: not too busy after the bomb to talk to ConSoc rent expansion plans.
Foot on HG Wells Elections update Karian speaks to ICU
The Right Honourable Michael The papers for next year's sab- University of London Union Foot entertained a pack theatre batical positions will come down President Ghassan Karian out- on Wednesday evening, speaking this evening at 6pm. Although lined the new shape of ULU's on HG Wells, the subject of the further candidates have stood in constitution. Under discussion former Labour leader's new the past week, two of the posts was the representation of the biography. page 4 remain uncontested. page 3 medical schools. page 2 TWO . FELIX FRIDAY FEBRUARY 1 6TH 1996 NEWS ULU constitution debated News in brief BY ALEX FEAKES leges brought about by the The University of London Tomlinson report have changed BY THE NEWS TEAM students and staff alike to be Union's constitution became a this. aware of this method of entry by subject of heated discussion at Under the new rules, Southside robber criminals. ICU Council meeting on London's medical schools togeth- charged Monday evening. Ghassan er have only 4 delegates to the The burglar apprehended in the 'Drop-in' students get Karian, President ol ULU, was Senate between them. Some Southside Halls two weeks ago as £450 fine invited to the meeting to talk on medics have said that this means reported in Felix 1048, has been Two geology students called to the four month review of the that they will have less represen- charged by the police on three Union disciplinary after breaking constitution. tation on the new body. One counts of burglary. The name of into ICU Print Unit earlier this In his speech, Mr Karian said council member suggested that the burglar has not been released month have been charged with that the recent Education Act the fact that the medical schools yet, though he is believed to be the cost of the damage they which reformed the structure of will still send delegates to GUC from the London area. catised. student unions, and pressure to separately from their parent col- IC's Deputy Head of Last Friday's meeting also make the Union more account- leges was just "half-cocked Security, Kenneth Weir, still has banned from entering the Union able were the main driving forces appeasement", defeating the aim some property in his possession premises for the rest of this behind the review. The ULU ini- of the integration of the medical recovered at the time of the bur- term. The IC band Herb had to tiated a consultation process schools. Mr Karian said that glary, for which no owner has pull out of the Jazz, Rock and which began in September, and there would be another review in come forward. If you lost a large Ents . Friday night rock is now reaching its conclusion five years time. men's suit at the time of the "Abandon" on finding that one of with ratification by the student The Sports and Societies thefts, Mr Weir at the security their member was no longer allowed in the building. unions of the University. sabbatical post was proposed as a control in Sherfield will be The main changes from the solution to the conflict of inter- pleased to help you. Senior Union sources have old constitution involve repre- est between the Sports Council expressed disappointment that sentation of the medical schools President and the VP for Sports A Measure of Mary's the punishment was too lenient. and the proposal to introduce a and Recreation. The two posi- A ground breaking appearance of new Sports and Societies sabbat- tions will be merged to form the St Mary's Dramatic Society at New life found on ical post. The medical schools are new post with the aim of improv- ICU next week has raised hopes Earth currently grouped together as ing efficiency. of more cooperation between Researchers in America "Med Group" and send 20-30 A motion to implement the Mary's and IC. Shakespeare's announced this week that they delegates to the General Union new document, sponsored by play Measure for Measure is cur- have discovered a new type of Council of ULU but the mergers ULU VP Tara Jefferson, was rently being shown at St Mary's lifeform, distinct from all others. between medical schools and col- approved by Council. Union. The production is being The work in Wyoming's brought over to South Yellowstone National Park con- Kensington for performances on centrated on the genetic differ- Tuesday and Wednesday. ences between various microbes, utilising recent advances in struc- Marines play at the tural molecular biology. This has Albert Hall meant that microbes that are The Albert Hall was taken over outwardly similar in structure by the massed bands of Her have been revealed to be some- Majesty's Royal Marines this what different at a genetic level. week as they presented the The discoverer of these new life- Mountbatten Festival of Music forms claims that it will revolu- 1996 in aid of charity. Security tionise the way scientists classify species. was tight, however, with several roads closed to parking and the On a related note, builders area patrolled by police all week. in Romania have uncovered a cave containing 31 new species. Physics computer chips The cave was originally under stolen water, but became separated The Physics department was the when the Black Sea water level victim of yet another computer fell. Inside the cave, there has hardware robbery over the week- been no sunlight for 5 million end. A.selection of memory chips years, and the creatures have were taken from personal com- established an alternate food puters in a fourth floor teaching chain exclusive of photosynthe- laboratory. sis. Scientists have established Security believe that the that all the energy for the ecosys- PHOTO: IVAN CHAN thief 'piggy-backed' in to the tem originates from when bacte- ria oxidise the hydrogen sulphide ULU President Ghassan Karian spoke to ICU's Council meeting on building behind a legitimate user abundant in the cave. Monday, encouraging members to support his new constitution. of the department, and urged NEWS FELIX FRIDAY FEBRUARY 16TH 1996 . THREE NI minister appeal to Sinn Fein continued from front page recommendations in the report, taries have continued to commit- Sir Patrick became uncom- dence" in the intentions of he said, and pointed out the sec- throughout the ceasefire: "we fortable only once during the nationalists: "there has to be con- tion calling for all parties to sign have not had a true peace." He questioning, looking agitated on fidence that the ceasefires are up to the principle of democratic asserted that the activities had as the subject of last Friday's bomb real". Both the British and Irish methods. The report also con- much political purpose as the at Canary Wharf. A member of governments have stated that cluded that the IRA was not bombing campaign, intending to the audience asked whether he they will not meet with Sinn Fein going to accede to government "subvert the RUC" and "tell the thought that the leadership of until the IRA reinstate the cease- demands that it decommission people the IRA are in charge". Sinn Fein had prior knowledge of fire that was broken on Friday weapons before joining talks, and The spectre of a return to the docklands bombing. Sir after seventeen months. In suggested that talks start before the use of internment of terrorist Patrick replied he was "unable to response to the continuing decommissioning. suspects without trial was raised answer that", since the leadership demands of Sinn Fein to be The process hit problems by Ian Bayley, who suggested that themselves were the ones to ask. immediately included in all-party last week when the government the policy could be acceptable to When pressed for his own opin- talks, Sir Patrick said that "we gave support to the Unionist pro- the people of Ireland if it was ions, he stated firmly: "I don't share that desire", but that posal of holding elections in operated by some sort of Anglo- want to share my personal view." democratic talks are impossible Ulster leading to all-party talks. Irish body, representing all sides He instead reminded the with the threat of violence: "no Sir Patrick said the intention of of the community. Sir Patrick audience of a widely reported one can have a gun under the this plan was to "enable all parties commented "every country has incident last year, when the Sinn table or a gun outside the door". to have a democratic mandate." [provisions in the legislature] for Fein president Gerry Adams was He went on to outline the He finished by telling of the Irish internment", intended to be used addressing a party rally, and state of the Northern Ireland people's horror at the prospect of "as a matter of last resort." responded to a shout from the peace process, and the position of a return to violence, saying that The British power comes crowd of "Bring back the IRA" the government and other parties the terrorists "live in a kind of under the terms of the with "They haven't gone away, on the continuationof the process rock pool", and that 17 months of Emergency Provisions Act, which you know." One member of the in the light of the IRA's resump- peace had "reduced their support is up for renewal by Parliament in audience took exception to this, tion of violence. He restated the to a minuscule level." the near future. The Labour party shouting out: "That was out of government's aims for the The minister then opened has previously stated its opposi- context and you know it." Sir process: "we are about trying to the floor to questions from the tion to keeping the power of Patrick replied staunchly: help., achieve a lasting settle- audience. On being asked about internment within the act, but "Perhaps the context was the ment", saying that any settlement decommissioning of paramilitary the government is adamant. Sir context of last Friday." was "not to be imposed [and weapons and how to measure the Patrick said "it is necessary as a The gathering ended on a must be | founded on consent". stability of any return to the matter of prudence to keep that note of mild confusion. As the The minister attacked ceasefires, he said "of course power", adding "I feel very audience prepared to leave, a reports from nationalists that the [decommissioning] remains the strongly [that it should remain an member of the Conservative government had ignored the con- best [path]". He agreed with the option]". He also praised the Society informed the minister clusions of the Mitchell report on assertion that the ceasefires Labour Party's "staunch support that a bottle of whisky adjacent the future of the process, saying should include a ban on punish- for the government", insisting to the podium, which he had they were simply "not true". The ment beatings", forced expulsions that no party would risk peace for assumed to be a gift, was merely government had accepted all six and other crimes the paramili- party political reasons. to be autographed and returned. f:?cA,r,',?,r,Sabb elections "very boring"
BY RACHEL WALTERS zine Broadsheet, faces only New Ents DJ Luke Moralis have put sion of a valid IC Union card to Two of the contests for next Election as his bid to edit Felix forward their candidacies. Only be eligible to vote, but little more year's ICU sabbatical positions next year. Eric Allsop has the requisite sup- than 50% of students have one. look set to he straight one-horse Although two students have port in the bag: Luke needs fur- In recent years, the Imperial races. A third is dependant on signed up for the position of ther seconders names, while College Union membership ID one candidate obtaining most of Deputy President (Clubs and Mark Bridge, who signed up on came as part of the college secu- his quota of seconders' signatures Societies), James Handley only Monday February 5th, is still rity swipe card, so every student in the final 24 hours before had seven seconders' signatures hunting for a proposer. was automatically issued with papers come down. as Felix went to press. Each can- Tim Townend, the current one. Separate ICU membership Piers Williams, Pub Board dadate needs to have twenty sec- Deputy President (Clubs and cards have been issued this year chairman and 'publicity and pro- onders to be eligible to run. His Societies) commented: "It looks in an attempt to remove some of motions' secretary for STOIC, is opponent, Neil O'Shaughnessy, like it's all going to be very boring the technical problems associated the only person standing for the has been fully backed. this year." with using magnetic swipe cards position of Deputy President The position of ICU Union officials are also con- to register votes. (Finance and Services). Similarly, President is the only one that cerned that the elections will see The 'new election' campaign Alex Feakes, news editor of Felix might be more hotly contested. a very low turnout of voters when will be run by the current Deputy and ex-joint editor of the Royal In the past week, Eric Allsop, the they are held on March 4th and Presidents. The position is open College of Science Union maga- present ICU Council Chair, and 5th. Students must be in posse- for all posts. FOUR . FELIX FRIDAY FEBRUARY 1 6TH 1996 NEWS HE funding backtrack by Shephard
MIKE INGRAM sures, including the imposition of the month. problem will go away. That sim- There are signs this week that the a £300 top-up fee on students, Differences of opinion on ply won't do." Government is being forced to are timed to coincide with the the future of higher education The income contingent loans reconsider its position on univer- general election, and could dam- have even emerged within gov- scheme is also supported by the sity funding. In the face of almost age the Government's campaign ernment ranks. Last week saw CVCP and other groups. Sir Eric universal opposition to cuts in the [Felix 1049). the launch of a report on univer- Ash, former Rector of Imperial higher education budget, splits Many within the CVCP feel sity funding from the College and non-executive direc- between education ministers that the government's promise of Conservative Political Centre tor of the Student Loans compa- have come to light. public discussion on higher edu- (Felix 1049). Speaking at the ny described the idea as "entirely The Education Secretary, cation is merely a delaying tactic. launch, the Higher Education sensible", and inevitable "in one Gillian Shephard, has told the Clive Booth, vice chancellor of minister Eric Forth criticised form or another". The report also Committee of Vice Chancellors Oxford Brookes University and parts of the government's educa- proposes a national academic and Principals (CVCP) that she outgoing vice-chairman of the tion policy. He questioned the credit transfer scheme, an idea will present them with broad committee, said: "For too long government's intention to contin- which is supported by the CVCP. proposals on the size, structure Government has been saying 'we ue increasing availability of higher Discussions between and funding of higher education. need a debate'. However, the education: "It needs to be asked Government and universities The proposals are expected to be time has come for some deci- whether the current rate oi 30 may not be the only way of mak- vague, allowing details to be filled sion." per cent is about the right pro- ing progress on the funding issue. in after fuller consideration. The In future discussions, vice portion." The Association of University committee has also been present- chancellors will be attempting to Mr Forth also rejected the Teachers repeated its call for a ed with a timetable for the dis- "tie |the Government] down as report's proposal that student Royal Commission to be set up to cussion of these issues, in time much as possible on policy and maintenance be paid for by an examine the "nightmare issue" of for its meeting today. issues." The committee has income-contingent loan: "One of funding. The proposed The move is an attempt to already produced its own propos- the things that irritates me at the Commission would examine head off action threatened by the als on the future of higher educa- moment is that people think that opinions from all sides of the CVCP if the current funding cri- tion funding, which will be pre- if you talk about income contin- debate, and report next summer sis is not resolved. These mea- sented to ministers by the end of gent loans frequently enough, the with a solution. Foot on Wells
BY DAVID COHEN vision of Utopia, collecting his HG Wells is often referred to as idylls of humanity in this tome. It the father of Science Fiction. He is perhaps saddening to then is seldom recognised as the social learn that towards the end of his thinker that he was. On life he became despondent and Wednesday evening, as indeed in bitter. Perhaps it is not surpris- his recent biography, Michael ing, considering these last Foot attempted to highlight this thoughts were written during, aspect of Wells' work. A better and after the Second World War, biographer could not have been soon after which he died. chosen by Wells' himself for such Michael Foot clearly admires a task (Foot was leader of the Wells as a novelist but above all Labour party between 1980- as a visionary thinker. As such it 1983, and is a staunch socialist would be inappropriate to com- himself). pare these two characters on From his allegorical treat- these grounds, Foot seems to be ment of Imperialism in "War of the perfect pupil and humble dis- the Worlds", criticising its inhu- ciple of Wellsian thought. manity, to his prognostication Despite a frail frame and a regarding the effects of atomic malignant tunour on his left eye, PHOTO: ALEX FEAKES power in "World Set Free", Wells Foot delivered an eloquent trained his mind not only on the speech and, unlike Wells in his Former Labour Party leader, Rt Hon Michael Foot reached deep for contemporary problems of old age, is still resolute in his his speech on Wednesday evening. He spoke in the Haldane library, humanity, but also those of the beliefs. and attended a reception afterwards. future. To illustrate, Foot read a In particular, he is no less passage from "World Set Free" in anxious about the nuclear threat, ical advancement). European Union directive has which Wells imagined the Strand despite the recent non-prolifera- It is easy to be cynical about been issued to extend the copy- populated with unemployed peo- tion treaty (which, he says, Wells Foot's motives to publish this right period. It seems Foot is a ple "shamelessly begging." predicted as being the only way work exactly 50 years after genuine socialist warrior to the Later Wells wrote about his to control this form of technolog- Wells' death, but in fact a last. FELIX FRIDAY 1 6TH FEBRUARY 1996 . FIVE FEATURE
SAB B AT I C AL Didn't they do well? E L E C T I ON S Next week Felix will print the manifestos of this year's can- didates. To prepare you, we interviewed the current sabbs to see if they stuck to their plans.
Tim Townend structured, sabs, spend too much time in day to day running rather than imple- Reading Tim Townend's manifesto with a menting new ideas. That's the way in all year's hindsight, his promises seem these incidences, I've only gone halfway, courageously precise. Here is a man and I don't suppose I'll get anything fin- who pinned his colours to the mast, and ished. in his own inimitable style he has a insis- tent answer for every question. Matt Crompton RW: So have you promoted and encour- aged the arts societies? MC: [reading manifesto] Yes we do TT: No one's prepared to get off their keep prices down, I do that at every arses: I've been working hard on getting committee that we do. DaVinci's for sponsorship for SCAB [the social and example, food is actually cheaper now - . . . . :. : . „ „...: .' .. i: :.. : cultural amusements boarcl.1, but it's there's the £1 thing. : yxf:-/-n-^ . \ ' '_. taking some time... they have a much MB: Was that your idea then : < lower purchasing power than the rest. MC: Not expressly my idea but I backed : . . ' ' RW: So what the sports clubs: you said it fully. I argued against some prices , . ! . you would obtain a high level of coach- rises too, we've kept all of the prices '-. -:- >i ' ' '"
ing in all of them? down as much as we could. " < '; ' '; 1 " TT: All the major sports clubs have the We haven't move to Sherfield, we're now option of coaching (he reams off a list looking at much better plans to try and from hockey and rugby to table tennis) expand and improve existing facilities around things that people said to me RW: And what about 'extending and uni- over here. The Ents lounge is a priority at get flanned. Everyone who goes the when I asked them, before I actually got fying recreational resources'? the moment. We plan to do something Mary's hustings to speak should wear here, when actually I had time to ask TT: Hmm... it's proving very hard... with that over the summer, but there's white tops, so the shaving foam doesn't people what they thought. They would RW: And extending clubs' social links? various other things as well, such as the show up so much. say things like "oh, you know we really TT: It's difficult to get people to organise clubs and societies room. MB: Thanks! like the sport pages, we think it's really things... Yes, I think I've done a good job. Shame I was ill though, that really buggered important to keep up to date with how Here follows sizeable exegesis on poster everything up this term. It means I now the sports teams are doing.". But when boards and refurbishing the SCR into a Sarah White do 15 hour days. it comes down to it, my hands are com- clubs and socs room. It all sounds fairly MB: So don't get ill then pletely tied, because I can't go to every impressive. SW: Well what did I actually say I was MC: Yes, don't you dare get ill. But who- fixture and write a report for them, and if RW: So then, overall, do you think you're going to do though? I can't see anything ever stands should expect, I did anyway, people don't deliver the goods, there's doing a good job? there, [reading from manifesto] 'I'm especially at this time of year, to be very little you can do. And I guess I feel TT: Is that the end of my manifesto? enthusiastic' No, I'm not totally enthusi- working all hours. Although perhaps not that's probably the most frustrating thing RW: Yeah, we've gone through all your astic. I am enthusiastic most of the as much as I do now. That's life I sup- about it. points... time. I'm very determined. ... It didn't pose. really say anything. People here are quite keen to react, TT: But what about sponsorship? usually negatively, but are much more RW: umm... MB: It must be strange, just getting to MB: A good exercise in not saying any- loathe to actually contribute. When I say TT: Shit! 1 didn't even put it in! Yeah! grips with the job then watching all these thing then. contribute I'm not expecting everyone to Sponsorship's gone really well.... new people getting ready. SW: My mum helped me write it, she's drop everything and rush and write a six I hope people don't take things too MC: I'm looking forward to the Mary's very good at things like that. page epic. You know, contribute their badly, but basically, the way things are hustings actually, to see other people ideas, make suggestions, say "this is Rachel Walters what I think would be good", and people just don't do that. It is quite difficult. Rachel, being a writer by nature, reeled I feel slightly proud of the Mary's thing. off the following self analysis without let- Everybody says every year "I'll try and ting me get a question in. Make of it improve relations with Mary's" and I No K-oio what you will. think I've done that. The fact that I've RW: Well, I think I've done a reasonable got a news reporter who's a Mary's stu- amount of it. The big thing I wanted to dent, who's really keen and rushes over, do was to expand the coverage of what and that was something that was really was happening in college and to try and important to me. We've had an awful lot to have a better level of communication more news coverage of things that've between different groups of people that been happening over there. are here, and have a more representa- The other thing I talked about was Clubs tive basis of the sort of things that go on, and Societies. Well yeah, I think a lot of : vi&»^#c:: V not only at Imperial but also nationwide. that stuff tends to only appeal to the ' I think we've done that. I've made a big individuals involved. I think by spreading effort to improve contact with the people it out more, making it much more a I ip^iiiiiiPiiPiii nn that actually make decisions about week ahead - what's going on at Imperial at a time that's quite crucial, Imperial thing, it makes it less of a cou- .... with big changes. So I think I've done ple of pages to flick through. Yeah, I ' : ... that well. It's something I guess I think that's improved a little. I wouldn't : for one moment suggest it was an . . . . . focussed on. ' unmitigated success at all. I'm reason- Other stuff, like sport and stuff... it's so ably happy with things. ironic, because I based my manifesto FAST TRACK TO RESPONSIBILITY Summer '96 in Procter & Gamble UK, Scandinavia, Spain and France
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Wfl IFF- Take u trip if 1 . \ .:, I week, or buy those vital books, EfeEJoy!
So you thought Rag Week was over? Wrong-ol Starting today, the medics go nuts For charity! Tickets to all events will be on sale at IC, so now's your chance to get to know all the friendly people at St. Mary's and raise money For the Cystic Fibrosis Trust! Lovely!
Friday 1 6th - Wednesday 28th Sunday 18th Lunch Alter a quick survey done by some enthusiastic physics students All Weekend it has transpired that most of the IC population (student and non-stu- CHOIR IN dent) has no knowledge of the existence of the "Student Textbook AMSTERDAM WHITELEYS Exchange - Secondhand Bookshop" that operates on campus and has AMBLE been running For the last seven years. Evening The secondhand bookshop buys From graduating students text- Bands Night books oF every major discipline (engineering, physics, chemistry, Thursday 22nd maths, geology, etc), has a large selection ol literature, Fiction, popu- Evening lar science, as well as Foreign titles, dictionaries, chess books, minia- Thursday 29th RAG DEBATE ture music scores and much more. The stock changes daily so what All Day you might not Find today might be there tomorrow. All at prices usu- ally less than halF oF the original price of the book. There are also a lot Sat 24th CIRCLE LINE oF out-oF-print books available. The bookshop is operated on a non-profit making basis by Bob Evening PUB CRAWL AND BOP Speerand is situated on Level 3 oF the Physics Department (next to CONSULTANTS the Blackett lilts). DINNER You can also sell any old books and textbooks in almost any con- Friday 1st dition but the better they look the more you are going to get For them. There is usually groovy soFt music playing inside, a comFortable read- Mon 26th Lunch ing area is situated right outside it (Food and drink allowed - For a Early ABSAILING change), chess and backgammon sets are available Free oF charge and DOWN THE MED. a selection oF popular magazines (Time-Out, Felix, etc.) is also avail- BREAKFAST able. PARTY SCHOOL So whether you're looking lor that expensive textbook halF-price, Evening want to get rid oF some old stuff while making some cash, or are just Lunch interested in what you might Find, come along to the secondhand PIE EATING GLADYS' bookshop. We're open 12 - 2pm, 12 - 5pm on Wednesdays. CONTEST COMEDY CAFE WITH BLUES' Evening FEATURING TOGA PARTY "NEWSREVUE" WITH GLADIATOR Saturday 2nd GAMES 12:00 Tuesday 27th FLOAT AND PAVEMENT Lunch CLIMB DOWN MEDICAL OXFORD STREET SCHOOLS TOUR Evening Evening JAMES BOND MEDIEVAL BALL AT PORCHESTER NIGHT HALL Shell Summer Travel Bursaries for people who are going places
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telephone %*r-,r find ;:r»-vf-v'y you attend if you are a studenr. Audio CCJMtfttes wtlt ( * be returned. ' -. : eel to availability NETWORK At last for those dieters who can't resist a snack between meals, Procter and Gamble have developed Olestra, a fat free fat. But just how healthy is a fat free diet and how healthy is Olestra? >in
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ould fat make you thin? Olestra is the dieter's dream: C a fat like any other fat with one vital difference - it con- tains absolutely no calories. For some, Olestra is the ultimate slimming product that promises to take the guilt out of glut- tony. But some scientists find the idea of Olestra just too hard to swallow. Twenty-five years after first creating Olestra, US food manufacturers Procter and Gamble last month received the go ahead from the American FDA (Food and Drug Administration) to manufacture foods containing Olestra. A new range of low-calo- rie snack foods to be sold under the name Olean will soon be on sale in America. Plans are afoot to make them available in the UK. But there was just one condition to the FDAs approval of Olestra. All foods made with it most carry a warning saying: "Olestra may cause abdominal cramping and loose stools. Olestra inhibits the absorption of some vitamins and other nutrients". This is exact role of carotenoids in the diet has not took part in tests to assess the effects of eat- hardly an appetising advert for any food and been established. ing Olestra. The FDA has ruled "with rea- with a message like that you may wonder if Olestra can also give you wind, diarrhoea sonable certainty" that Olestra is "harm- Olestra really is good for you. and in some cases it causes anal leakage. But less". Olestra is a specially designed fat made Procter and Gamble scientists, Chris Olestra genuinely gives food the same of a mixture of sugar and vegetable oil. It can Hassall, points out that eating too much the pleasant texture as normal fats. The all- be used for cooking and works just like any fibre gives you diarrhoea and too much fat important "mouth-feel", so often absent other fat but, because ol its structure, the can also lead to anal leakage. Michael from diet foods, is very much there with body cannot break it down and absorb it Jacobson, Chief Executive of the Center for Olestra. But what are the chances that it will into the blood stream. Olestra' has no calo- Science in the Public Interest, and one of make you thin? Dieticians and doctors have ries because it stays completely unchanged Olestra's strongest opponents says "Olestra differing views. George Blackburn, nutrition as it slips through the body. What is more, it acts like a laxative and robs the body of scientist at Deaconess Hospital Boston says: has a strong affinity for vitamins A, D and K. nutrients. We don't need Olestra potato "ft could (make a difference) if people fol- low the dietary guidelines; that is, they eat On its way through the digestive system chips. It's crazy to add a substance to the everything in moderation. If they use it as a Olestra sucks up these vitamins and vacu- food supply that makes people sick." licence to overconsume, it'll have no effect". ums them out of the body. Procter and Whether or not Olestra makes people Geraldine Fitzgerald, a UK nutritionist, says Gamble have partly countered this effect by sick is exactly what the FDA had to find out. "I very much doubt it will work. Nearly all adding extra vitamins to Olestra so that, like After wading through around 150,000 American studies have shown that people a hoover with a hill bag, it is already too hill pages of test results, a panel of specialists will eat just as many calories by supple- of vitamins to pick up any more. decided the substance was not poisonous menting their diet with other foods." Olestra also sucks up nutrients called and did not interfere with the action of carotenoids as it passes through the body. medicines. Olestra had to undergo very Nutrasweet and other low calorie sweet- The role of carotenoids is not hilly under- stringent testing. The FDA has never tested eners have done little to overcome the stood, but it is suggested that carotenoids a food additive with the potential to take up weight problem of either America or are essential for a healthy immune system such a large part of people's diet. Normally Britain. Olestra snacks may let us enjoy the and may be useful in preventing some forms tests involve giving rats 100 times the pleasure of eating for half the calories and of cancer. Eating just three grammes of amount of the food additive that a htiman with less of the guilt, btit it is unlikely to would normally eat. For Olestra this would Olestra causes a 40% decrease in solve many people's weight problems. mean feeding rats on nothing else, which carotenoids. Procter and Gamble would certainly kill them. Instead, 8000 have not altered Olestra to deal w^--J men, women and children across America with this effect because the ^?W.JL Natalie Barb Mtzsuvt tor MZ^BUVZ Imperial College; f eb.20-2l
"Zis one thing to be tempteo, Mnotbtv thing to tall"
Tickets available from the SU Office
Adults £5 Students £2 -simon baker destroyed all the credibility that their political wing had started to We are rapidly approaching that build, and plunged the talks into annual Hollywood event which cap- * '. m crisis. This was a particularly evil tures the whole world's attention. I and fruidess attack by the IRA, refer not to a liz Taylor divorce, but which has merely succeeded in the Oscars. As has been the case of strengthening the call for arms late, Britain seems well placed, with decornrnissioning and turned the Emma Thompson's Sense and Irish Government against Sinn Sensibility almost certain to secure a Fein. One might imagine that number of nominations. Gerry Adams would immediately However, were an Oscar to be |j seek to condemn the bombing. awarded for Best Actor in an No. He blamed the Government. Evading Role, the Royal School of Mines would What is more, he telephoned the White House be odds on favourite for its shenanigans above, shortly before the explosion to say that he had and in, the Felix print room. As we learnt last some "disappointing news." This is extremely week, two of their leading lights, on falling significant. Despite his protestations, did Adams through the false ceiling, said that 'they were know of the bomb before its explosion? The vital lost' when Security got hold of them. I know just question is that if he did, and if he is serious what they mean. One minute I'm walking along, about peace, why didn't he warn the authorities? minding my own business, and then I suddenly If not, and he is not intimately linked with the find myself in a service void. It could happen to IRA, then why on earth-should we be talking to anyone. I think that anyone who has the front, him? It is widely known that British intelligence and the quickwittedness, to come out with such has much evidence (although not enough to a laughable excuse should not be disciplined, but bring charges) on the alleged terrorist activities of given a show on Channel 4. Mind you lads, if both him and Martin McGuinness, supposedly a you'd wanted a little more credibility, you could former head of the IRA. General Council. One have said you were conducting a geological sur- can only hope that the peace process has not vey and thought that you were down t'pit, since been irreconcilably damaged. it was so dark and cramped. If they'd said you On a happier note, I saw that it was the 40th were mad, you could have blamed the very high birthday of the Routemaster bus. As anyone who workload, which we all know is a problem. knows me will realise, I am not an enormous fan Last Friday, I was driving through West of buses - they tend to attract the slowest, rud- London and heard on the radio that there had est and weirdest members of society. The excep- been an explosion in Docklands. I immediately tion to this sad state of affairs is the Routemaster, thought that this must be due to gas, but later a design classic that manages to avoid bringing heard that it was the work of the IRA. My reac- out the worst in people and creates a contented tion was one of anger and despair. The peace had atmosphere within its dignified body. I know indeed been slow and difficult, but the ceasefire that they cost more to run, being crewed by two had held and the international efforts being people, but dare I say, what the Hell. If cost made were looking positive. Then as soon as the became a problem, we could always charge proposal for elections was made, which met tourists quadruple fare to travel on these famous with Sinn Fein's total opposition, the IRA chose vehicles. Not that I think tourists are gullible you to return to their old ways. In doing so, they have understand... cd magazine - blendeiian and music were tediously slow and generally of a suspiciously low quality. To my knowledge eight Blender is a magazine with a difference: it comes bit sound cards are extinct, so why are Blender on CD-Rom. It also costs more than a small providing us with pathetic eight bit samples? I Caribbean island. And it's a huge bunch of arse. have heard better music emanating from the Seriously, it does cost more than a small Stock Aitken and Waterman studio. Caribbean island, and it is a bunch of arse. After Blender is essentially a very good idea, receiving the initial package of an impressive- adding sound and visuals to articles in a poten- looking box, I was disheartened to find that the tially entertaining and interesting fashion. The box contained only one measly CD with no magazine format on CD should work well, but mates. Slipping it deftly into my machine I was unless you have a computer worth several thou- then rather perturbed to find that I had to fill my sand pounds, it will just be articles with crappy hard disk full of Mac software. The Blender box sound and visuals which take several decades to distinctly says 'for Windows and Mac', but it load. Putting this fact to one side, the only other appears to be only for Mac users and people who problem holding Blender back is the extortion- wish that they had a Mac. ate cover price. The 'magazine' contains a large number of Until this situation is remedied, I would articles, but unfortunately it appears that the cre- advise buying a copy of Computer Shopper and ators have tried to fill the CD with impressive some LSD - it will have the intended effect of graphics and music at the expense of any con- Blender but at a lower price, and with better tent. To my further annoyance, the graphics visuals. gig+mterview the wan- great. They |tist wish that everyone^!least had a nadies + frank black, chance to listen to it. So do I. That evening, they played to m Astoria the- it A mednx-ie son,- lull ol teiro The m ics are a Swedish band that regular atre hill of Frank Black fans I niiTUinaieh, their ..: i readers©! these sacred pages must have heard of. happy sounding tunes wereJ defun. i Ride. I lardlv in Their third album, 'Be A Girl', was unnoticed by they can get their vocals soun| ;if: :Mcf many &eners, a fact that has left the band feel? ;ion the album then they vvt. ing justly /frustrated since, the album gives a 'Ifevertheli ss. Might Be St refreshing view of* how pleasant music can be ^qpsual impact butit di
BMG, releasing their recent alHtnv, :, lliatit in the universe as we know it except I^JMfflff ':f~'(X^i:4:.:h:- 'i' Scandinavia: and Japan". JVleam\hile ::::::::::;: " :: vocalist Christina remarked ,iix)ut still-l^t5^%' lefora : SIKCCSSIIII in i w iv that shows thai tin rand dwi't !*::;:;:;:;::;:;H:;i^ : hum.nirol tin
next they are n merit gonP led%s the material tune from a band v>ho sound They r in everys gh he and his respect"; '- MopcfiiDy, unlike w^ysc this / played, his
true lact that America can influence the pace of Is, 'The Last Stand success of such ban. Is Britpop is prob^ly b^jrffi irjteacm.
protected l|||i||prcigii intrusion "beeause-'tir^^g ' d to be W^MMMZ^-: :V^-M :: ::: : ::: it with his brilliant
, ,:: , . ,1. ,i ' i,.. '; : America after being mos- ton'tf ennvasripway that make that mistake. , ,-, his was a man who 3\.HialK lomc up with a tine Try and listen to 'BeAGirf.The weariness ol an witll The Pixies,; listening to a constant unstoppable How of indie bands will be lifted with this, alburn. The band many intricate and complex ideals tha brii- lIllSl concedes that not everyone will think they are liantly puts oh record into the live are:
various: the best...album in the world...ever 1,1,1 down whenever Parklife' comes on. You simply - ^WM^MMm^::-/' I:: : :::::::;::;: cannot listen to 'The Size Of A Cow' without It is not entirely clear why the producers felt the starting to sing along, even though Bjork's excep- . :: ^Sfit'iViij't get need to put two sets of ellipses in the title - the tionally imtating 'It's Oh So Quiet' is beginning implication seems to be that they've left some- to grate. WiVW; .' ''' : . , , thing out. Perhaps "The Best...01e' Favourites... It's not exactly innovative, and you could be '-C.;c.'-V.'ti:e Album In The World... But It Won't Go Down forgiven for saying that much of this two CD set : i ' :Jtii Well With Those Who Don't Appreciate is getting a little bit tired. But there are far fewer ;:r if Britpop... Ever" was deemed to be a little too duff numbers than you would normally expect to wordy to fit on the CD cover. find padding this kind of compilation, and for late This is the compilation for anyone who has night have a few beers and sing-a-long-a-Blur ses- c- ^M^BS^ been asleep for the past year. We've got them all sions, this is really superb. ;, ' '1 'ft' i here - 'Country House', 'Wonderwall' and "He lives in a HOUSE, a very big HOUSE, 'Common People' ; Radiohead, Cast, Sleeper, in the counttnaaaayy....." (8) Ash and Elastica... But they've managed to sprin- kle in a couple of sporadic bits of the Eighties, too, :.',.. from including The Smiths, New Order and The Stone one of the finest dance bands Roses. It's all so familiar and the music has become its own rip-off; The Lightening Seeds Life of Riley has become that jingle they play over the football results; Wonderwall is simply that M Mike Flowers Pops song. Still, it's a bit of an epic - it's been in the office . and played and played and overplayed and we still laugh at Morrisey's "you go home and you cry and you want to die" and people start jumping up and downhill from here." It's at this point that I album: our lady peace horriblv mistaken. mike I lowers pops - 16 feb - naveecL and 'Hope' follow Canada is not exactly renowned for suppl equally impressive, world with credible musical talent "Ah, songs are all but musi- about Bryan Adams?" 1 hear you cry. "Yeah the pedigree of the about Bryan Adams?" I reply. It comes as lijtfee title track, bak + kula shaker -16 feb - surprise, therefore, to find aa album, and a vocals are lmpas- album at that, by a Canadian band who .ii >ned, tb-yxritars are; gjlirig, the rhythm hom iOfeb-.ulu - good it's either an aural illusion or |tist plait ^US is on a high- TP' %: Put simply, 'Naveed istbr sortoi teni * nt on taking yal*with it. Of will cause wrdidtawaJ symptomsif ffflk time \ on re iea< I u: uo almost any- I7,p:-':p||l|||50;£;| (nasi 4-th cheyne- ten to it at every avadabte^pp > IfOur Ladv Peace wanttdtakf you. 17 feb - garagei? testol the all mm docs no mspi- eric < laplon - 18 to 20,§2 81 gefspiration, with'Julia' parttoafafK' out- By die time it's all over you're left dazed, rovai albert hall - £23.50; ^ just about ready to plav the whole unto check that vour ears weren't play- 's with you. And when you've discovered herd's Bush em pi rf: - £7 : SfWDgn't, yo«r Tiost likely de$g^lAe I why hircl - 19 fob - dingwalis t $td blether on aboi it how gooept fe'to *w*Wi» at vra», m A hit likiM Mnnu.iklh.il svvuu I'-i.-b
the walkabouts - IS) lob - " Ixirderline - £6 martin Stephenson - 20 feb -album: babylon zoo - the effects), and Animal Army' (using a very Lou * eale- £# | Reed-ish bass line) also stand out. alok mike Ikiwers pops - 20sfeb |.:. boy with the x-ray eyes If you listened to a couple of particular tracks clapham grand - f 10 you might think that this Babylon Zoo character Okay, so we have a formula here - quiet starts and was doing hard rock. However, if you listened to up j.inis - 20 Ibb lp|||e -%S H manic choruses. Jas Mann played a couple of different ones you silvertliuir-f tri isy all the instruments on this album might think that he was into psy- 21 feb - astoria - £9.50...... which, I must say, is pretty good. chedelic ballads. In other words, the wannadies - 22 fob- it's hard to classily this type of garage 7|lii'; ill It is awash with political infer- gwar - 22 feb - forum.! £81 ences (I think the word 'fascist' music but I get the leeling that s.iu-(lixioi\ -113 Feb, lluaj|iil §i appears in every track) which Jas Mann was going for a catego- perhaps have some meaning to ry created by Pink Floyd's 'The -£11 Jas the Mann himself but which I II Wall'. The similarities are uncan- tlie damned + sh:> r- didn't find particularly illuminat- ny - the segued tracks, the songs nalive ing. We're talking a lot of melan- about personal hates and politi- iV+iht«lsui+W)+aiiii- choly and "this world is bad" feel- cal regimes and, most of all, the nowliwv league-*-pot or and ing. sneering vocals. the test tu!v babies - 24 feb - 'Spaceman'stands out as the , At the end ol the day, this album (sri||ri -£12»§0 : comes nowhere near 'The Wall' my lite, story..- 25 feb, 3 mar, 10 best song by a long way. as far as quality is concerned but the potential for mat, 17 Marffidilp?alls - ili' m% However, other tracks such as the 'Is Your Soul For Sale' (almost Pink Floyd-ish with its piano and an album of that stature is definitely there. (6) arena - £1 7.SO, £20 vocal intro gently overlaid with weird sound
fkldfer ~£7.50 supergrass - 29 lob, 2 mar - album: saw doctors - then/Les Moran and Davy Carton's lyrics can
astasia -£10i:i always raise an interesting thought, or at least a nr. trout dr. rolvrt - 29 feb - subtera- same oul' town smile. ms ~£lbc - It is difficult to write about the Saw Doctors with- The overall feeling that I get of the Saw steeleve span - 29 fob - mean out using words like "charm", "folksy", "tradition- Doctors is that of a high IQ Shane MacGowan on fiddler Mil goldie presents metalhendz al" and "rootsy" because these are words that Prozac. In other words, this album is just not to be 29 fob, 1 mar - forum - " describe them so well. However, to categorise missed. (9) £F150f£lSl- them as just another Irish folk band would do pulp 4- edwvn Collins - wern- them no justice. biey afela - f mar - £12.50' 'Same Oul' Town' is an album of rare class in tarter Usui ~*2 mar * shvpmi which biting social comment and heartfelt longing herd's bush empire - £9.50 ("I want you more than a pint after closing time" megadog - 2inK5iH-4)ri#tOQ: < - 'I Want You More') are masked by deceptively academy-£17 sweet sing-along melodes. There are some weaker tracks. The title track, for example, falls into the age-old trap of a slow song ending up like a dirge. However, even I mm I H htt tffc Imperial
IIHI IHIIIHI « Compulsory annual membership of 50p MM WM MMmmmU MMm^ Russ Meyer's cult classic Beneath the Valley of the IULTRA VIXENS Thursday 22nd February at 8.00pm
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GET READY - GET FRESH! Access, Visa, Mastercard, Cash, Cheques mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm film: sense and sensibility Jennings who tries her best to marry off the two wexxistock daughters. This unwanted interference is not odee >ton very productive yet Marianne's affairs of the 1)426 914666 Sense and Sensibility has already won Emma heart flourish as she falls hook, line and sinker for junianji 1.55, 4:30, 7.05, 9.40 Thompson a Golden Globe for Best Adapted the dashing Willoughby (Greg Wise). When he screenplay as well as having several other nomi- comes to her rescue when she sprains her ankle! I !;$!!!. 40 All this is much to the dismay of the more Irs ini.M'.rahlcs 5.05, 8.45 nations. It reaches our shores with high Oscar prospects and a completely British luwie cast. restrained but no less infatuated Colonel dangerous minds 4.30, 9.45 However, contrary to most British period cos- Brandon (Alan Rickman) who has a tragic lost Othello I, 3.50, 6.4Q, 9.30 tume dramas, this isn't from the Merchant Ivory love past. He isn't willing to wear his heart on his him company but is directed by Taiwanese Ang sleeve so will Edward visits the Dashwoods as he Lee (Eat Drink Man Woman) who seems to give promised and confesses his affections for Elinor? the film a bit more life and realism than a Who will Marianne chose, the reliable and caring Merchant Ivory production. Colonel Brandon the charming rogue £6 tube; ken higftstreet. .50, We enter the Willoughby? £6,£.3.50 before 5pm story as mother and The story unfolds with three daughters, little moments of com- mgm fulhain road Elinor (Thompson), edy often supplied by 01714702636 Marianne (Kate Wins- Jj| the bluntness of Mr heat 1.10,4.40,8.20 let) and Margaret have Palmer (Hugh Laurie) ; i MO, 230, 5 lost their father and and you soon become liw , 9,40;; are left with little thoroughly engrossed snbriiia 6.25,9.10 money due to the in the intricate rela- loch ness 1:10, 3.50, 6.35 laws governing inheri- tionships of the charac- tance. Before the ters. The quality of the i:6,£l5{)sU)dentsand*: Dashwood women cast makes the story 6prn before leave their home believable, it's roman- Elinor falls in love with tic and sad but not over nigmitelsea : the endearing Edward the top as can often a little princess 1.45, 4.35, 7 Ferrars (Hugh Grant), happen with British sewn <). i .5 brother of their step- films aimed at the jiiinanji ) .35, 4,10, 6.5§|9.25 brother's wife, the American audience, (1<-S|XT;UIO mM 6.45; 9.30 domineering Fanny Ferrars. This obvious mutual The beautiful scenery adds to the sense of lather ol the Bride part ii attraction goes unsaid and is prevented from escapism of the film and even though this is a 1.20,3,51,6,50 blossoming as Edward is forced off to London by period drama it's very easy to identify with the dan;- ads 19.40: his family. Fanny couldn't let Edward marry characters. Even the most cynical audience can't tube; sloanc square then bus someone without money or social stature. Mrs fail to leave the cinema with a warm glow alter- £6, £3.50 students and Dashwood's cousin, Sir John Middleton takes natively this could be because the heating was up the four women under his wing aided by Mrs too high! renoir 7 their fate. Together they manage to survive a reitdez-vous in pans 2.15, film: jumanjLsrec s martin senven 4.25, 6.40, S.55 monsoon, vicious monkeys, herds of rhinos and tilvse.es'gaze 12.35, 4, 7.35 'In the jungle you must wait, until the dice read a rather amusing hunter called the Exterminator. tube; russell square six or eight'. These were the words with which Although the plot sounds rather weird (to say £6, £4 ist jxrl, £2 50 lot Alan Parish disappeared into the mysterious the least!) it is nonetheless very enjoyable for a students board game, Jumanji, after starting the game in wide audience, including all you logically mind- 1969 with his soul mate Sarah. 26 years later, ed, scientific Imperial students. At the very least, minema two unsuspecting children, Judy (Kirsten you'll marvel at what represents some of today's ]0171-369 I7ZV" Dunst) and Peter (Bradley Pierce), find the best examples of computer rendered graphics. If rendey-voiis in pnris 3, 5, 7,9 game in the derelicked Parish household. After you want a totally fantastic and wacky film, with you can walk it starting the game with the remaining two pieces, £6.50, £4 matinees loads of laughs, then go and see Jumanji. they inadvertently release Alan (Robin Williams) back into the real world, sporting a very long beard and classic jungle attire. It turns out that perils from the jungle haunt the players until someone reaches the end, and to make matters worse, the players that start have to go on. After tackling the rather large lion and killer mosqui- toes that they have released into the world, the 3 strong team go off to find Sarah (Bonnie Hunt), who is still undergoing psychiatric treat- ment after seeing Alan disappear. The plot continues with the four of them playing the game, apprehensively reading the messages in the centre of the board and awaiting THE HELLENIC AND CYPRIOT SOCIETIES OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE PRESENT THE GREEK EVENING
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Call Nikos Doukas on ext 0171 5946313 (daytime) theatre i.ttiis mj&k'' |5;j:;;::. theatre: an ideal agant cravats and button holes he is Oscar Wilde reincarnate, either lounging casually on a chaise husband laire samuel ! longue or clashing from pillar to post attempting This revival of Peter Hall's 1993 production of to prevent his friend's downfall. He is excellent- llzf JliiiJiiiii|ll An Ideal Husband is now playing in the theatre ly supported by a superb cast, on a very simple in which it was premiered, just over 100 years open stage which still manages to convey the llllliy oi 'J ;.Bllli: ago, on 3rd January 1895. At the same, time, opulence of the Victorian Mayfair setting. another of Wilde's plays, 'The Importance of As in any of Wilde's social comedies, we are Jiflll Being Earnest' was also playing in the West End, not short of laughs, but the sympathetic direc- Hie -'l^lilll to similar acclaim. Only a few months later both tion instils a new poignancy to the increasingly had closed, and Wilde was sentenced to two strained relations between Sir Robert and his years imprisonment with hard labour. ;||^i^|p;:.;ii;iii!:;; wife (Penny Downie), making a truly delightful production. Taken to be the author's most autobio- graphical work, An Ideal Husband portrays the Wildean figure of Lord Goring (Martin Shaw) as the oldest friend and confidante of the MP Sir Robert Chiltern (David Yelland), who is being iflU))! Tjllllll blackmailed by Mrs Chaveley (Anna Carteret). The play has hardly dated over the past century: Wilde's accurate observation of the behaviour of relatives, politicians and the scurrilous nature of the Press is just as applicable today. Wilde preferred his play to be described as a simple story of a lost bracelet, with its major theme being the difference between the ideals and needs of men's and women's love. It is the only area which nowadays may not be consid- ered to be politically correct. A very well-padded Martin Shaw as the dandy Lord Goring steals the show. Not only |run Oi 1|| does he have the best lines, but with his extrav-
maternally, showing resentment at the loss of -theatre: Stanleyals o claire imoillllt' x^i^Plv attention he suffers when their children are Pam Gems, currently the only British female bom. Patricia Preece is the tall, elegant, upper In IVI) playwright showing in the West End, has written a stunning play of jealousy, greed seduction and class artist, the complete opposite to Stanley and eustuhe spiritualism on the life of the English artist his wife, who seduces Spencer purely for his Stanley Spencer. influence and money. Such is the power of her ;SntiU; ... J: Like his contemporary at the Slade, Dora hold over him, Preece with her own childlike ^aiY;f;:::S;i! i £i;|j|l|§| Carrington, his was a life of unconventional rela- outlook of superficial beauty, convinces him to Slain tionships, but fulfilled with true love. But unlike divorce his wife, marry her as well as signing over ic Carrington and the Bloomsbury set, who he fre- the house to provide her with an income, but quently condemned as painting for fashion and once married preferring to remain with her lover, from the mind, Spencer always painted fromth e Dorothy Hepworth (Selina Cadell). Whether heart. To him, paint- Preece was quite as
: ... I; . ing was an emotion- calculating, hedonis- ticbard ii. al and spiritual tic and narcissistic in experience, enabling real life as depicted istantfciiifsSi '' him to express his here, we are not sure, God given talent in but Anna Chancellor phoenix theatre 0171.3(5.9; an English style of portrays her with religious art. The set such conviction that reflects his strong at the end one is not sure whether to religious beliefs by applaud her, such is standby l(W:GOVK:s;£::BySl::;;: , surrounding the auditorium in the hatred she Spencer's canvasses, inspires. which are strongly reminiscent of church fres- This is an unusual love story: with the part coes. of Stanley written for Antony Sher, he brings a Spencer (Antony Sher), in his round glasses realism to the role since he is an artist too, and and scuffed shoes is, even with his artistic matu- his honesty brings some engaging comic rity, emotionally just a boy. Unable to come to moments. On leaving though, one is left with a terms with his experiences in the trenches of feeling of optimism that even after all he suf- WWI, he is brutally honest with his wife fered, somehow he could still be at peace with (Deborah Findlay), whom he treats almost himself and his god. TWENTY . FELIX FRIDAY FEBRUARY 16TH 1996 DIARY friday Saturday Sunday 16 17 18 february february february Rag Meeting Gliding Club Gliding Club Gliding at Lasham Airfield. For more infor- 1.10pm Ents Lounge. (R) mation contact [email protected] to Gliding at Lasham Airfield. (R) Thursday meeting first. (R) Pakistan Society Wargames 3 - 5pm. Basketball, union gym. Contact Y.H.A. Kashif, Aero II, [email protected]. (R) 10 am. A walk along the Thames from lpm. Table Tennis room. (R) Wing Chun Kung Fu Henley. All welcome. Bring lunch. Meet at Fitness Club 5-7pm. Union Gym, 2nd Floor ICU. South Kensington Tube. Beginners welcome. 1 st lesson free. (R) Chinese Soc 2pm. Southside gym. Intermed. aerobics.(R) Chinese Soc 8.00 pm Variety Show '96. 7.30pm Variety Show '96. £3 for members, £6 for non-members. Ents £3 for members, £6 for non-members. Standing Room Only - Live 5th Round FA Saturday Cup action on the BIG screen. See posters for details. Hellenic Society Sunday 8.30-10.30pm. Main Dining Hall. Greek gun. These goggles should become your best Evening. Paintballing friend, unless in the specified 'safe zone' you should be wearing your goggles at all times. Ents Welcome to the heady world of paintballing- How much will it cost? Paintball can be a The funniest way to end your week - the the fastest growing sport in Europe. Paintball relatively expensive sport. However, ICU's Bust-a-Gut Comedy Club. Tonight's acts are is the ultimate adrenaline rush and this article paintball club has excellent contacts with Dylan Moran (below) - one of the most orig- is the ultimate guide to getting you started. In sites, which allow us to negotiate prices that inal new acts on the comedy circuit, and brief, it is most like a grown up version of are substantially cheaper than the normal. Barry Murphy, best known for his support cops and robbers or cowboys and Indians. The During a typical day, which involves 8-10 slots with Sean Hughes. There'll also an players are normally split up into two teams games, we expect average first time players to Open Mic slot and all for just £2.50 or £2 and the idea is to mark the opposition with spend around £30. This estimation includes with entscards. Afterwards, indulge yourself paintballs fired from a gun (paintball marker). the site 'green fee' which contributes to the in total Hedonizm: the most upfront club Their effective range is about thirty yards, upkeep of the site, rental of protective gog- sounds, and top banging tunes. Plus chill-out with a fair degree of accuracy. gles, overalls, gun (and gas to power it) and in UDH with ambient jungle, dub and other Depending on paint. laid back vibes. It's a bargain at £1 after 9pm. the site, you may If you are interested be playing in in taking your woodland, with friends into the streams and lakes. woods and shooting Alternatively, them, then contact some venues have either myself, an urban setting, Warren Hirst with specially (email: w.hirst@ic'. adapted buildings ac.uk) or Richard and surroundings. Swinford (r.swin- The games tends [email protected]). to differ from site We have provisional- to site, but you ly planned the next may be playing a trip to be on 16th or normal two flag 17th of March. It will be to 'Hot friday game, where the objective is to cap- Shots', who are ture the opposi- based at RAF tions flag and Greenham Common return it to your - a spectacular site base, while at the with superb facili- same time stopping the other team doing the ties. The playing zone has over 100 two story same to your flag. Whatever the game, the buildings to play in and around. All glass has outcome relies greatly on your tactics and been removed to allow you to jump in and cunning or your complete disregard for cau- out of windows (there are doorways, for the tion and a mad dash for the flag under a hail less energetic), staircases allow access to of paint. upper levels and these are notoriously hard to capture. Does it hurt? This is one of the most common question we get asked (after "How Please contact us by e-mail if you are much does it cost?"]. The answer is, if you are interested and we can get more details back wearing sensible clothing - a jumper and to you. Enquiries from anyone are welcome, tracksuit trousers under the overalls which however, remember it is a lot more fun to go are supplied then, no. Paintball injuries tend paintballing with your friends so drag them to fall into the sprains and bruises category. along. We are happy to be joined by other However, to uphold this excellent reputation societies, departments and halls who are safety is the key word at all sites. On arrival looking for something different to do. you will be issued with a set of industry stan- Keep low, shoot straight and may your dard goggles before you even see a paintball balls burst on impact. DIARY FELIX FRIDAY FEBRUARY 1 6TH 1996 . TWENTY-ONE monday tuesday Wednesday 19 20 21 february february february Student Industrial Society Cathsoc IC Sailing Club 12 - 2pm. Tabic Tennis room, Union build- 12.15pm. Meet outside Southside, go sailing. ing (R) 12.00 pm. Bagritt Centre, Mech Eng. (R) (R)
Fitness Club Yacht Club Skate Society 12.30pm. Beginners body toning (45 mins) 12.15pm. Southside Lounge. Contact Alex 5.30pm. Beginners aerobics 12.30pm. Lecture Theatre 2, Physics. (R) a.cinelli@ic,ac.uk, 0171 352 9111 for 6.30pm. Intermediate aerobics. details. (R) Southside Gym. (R) Afro-Carib Soc 12.30 - 1.30pm. Room G02, Materials dept, Wargames Ski Club RSM. All welcome. (R) lpm Table Tennis room. (R) 12.30 -1.15 pm. Southside Upper Lounge. IC Sailing Club (R) Fitness Club 12.45 - 1.45pm. Southside Lounge. (R) 5 - 6pm. Southside Gym. Intermediate/Ad- ArtSoc vanced step class. (R) 12.30 - 1.30pm. Brown Comitee Room. AudioSoc Come and sign up for our many trips to 1.00pm. Southside Lounge. Want to buy Squash Club Musicals. Note the location change- look out cheaPhotpo CD's Soc ? We have it all! (R) 3.20 - 5.20pm. Sports centre. 'Club Night' for directions. (R) 1.00pm. Southside Lounge. (R) (R) Jewish Society Circus Skills IC Symphony Orchestra Guest Speaker and food. Jeremy Newmark 5 - 8pm. Ents Lounge, [email protected] (R) 7 - 10pm. Great Hall. (R) on Hizb-ut-Tahris. 12.45pm in the CCR, top of union building Fitness Club Wing Chun Kung Fu 5.30pm. Advanced aerobics. (R) 1.30 - 3.30pm. Lesson. Union Gym, 2nd Concert Band Floor Union Building. Beginners welcome. IC Bridge Club 1st lesson free. (R) 5.15pm. Great Hall. Any ability. (R) 6pm in the Clubs Committee Room. (R) Ents Cross Country The weekly festival of excess that is Frolik! icsf Bar until midnight and dancing 'til lam. 5.00pm. Circuit training. Union gym. (R) 7pm in STOIC Studios. http://www.ph.ic.ac.uk/moontg/ (R) Wednesday R.C.S. Association IQ Meet the RCSA at 170 Queen's Gate 7.30pm. Brown Committee Room. Further (Rector's Place) 6-8pm FREE Food and Info: [email protected] or Drink http://pink.doc.ic.ac.uk/IC/ (R) next diary IC 2nd Orchestra Canoe Club 7 - 9pm. Great Hall. All welcome. (R) 7pm. Beit Quad. All levels welcome, and deadline: free instruction. (R) Methsoc Ecumenical Group. 6pm at the Chaplaincy ICCAG noon, Office, Northside, Princes Gardens (R) 8.15pm. Weeks Hall basement. Soup run for Ents the homeless. (R) 7pm. Standing Room Only - More live FA February 19th Cup football. Alternatively, try out a whole After Dark new concept in quizzes as we go live with 8 - 11.30pm Ents Lounge. Admission is £1 Camel TV . The Ents Lounge will be trans- for a night of swing, hip-hop and jungle with formed into a working TV studio, with a the African Caribbean society. (R) game show happening live on stage, which you will all be part of as part of the quiz. Ents Prizes include clubwear, Cds, free cinema 8pm. Your weekly chance to use your head tickets, posters and loads of promotional full of trivia to good use, with £50 or a crate freebies from bands, films etc. It's free, and of beer at DaVinci's Bar Trivia. starts at about 8pm in the Ents Lounge. monday tuesday
On Sunday, the club headed for the YHA mountains to conquer Pen y Fan. The biting wind did little to spoil the amazing view at Grim weather forecasts certainly'didn't deter the top, and the weather improved sufficient- the fell-wanderers from visiting the Brecon ly to allow a spot of sunbathing during lunch. Beacons, the walking was superb. Getting As the walk ended a snow covered path wet was the order of the day for Saturday, enabled those with a sense of adventure to with a snowball fight, and the Sgwd yr Elra complete the descent on their backsides. waterfall was impressive, although we were Get out of here! the Youth Hostelling disappointed when the Rocking Stone didn't Association meets on Thursdays at lpm in rock. Southside. DIARY TWENTY-TWO . FELIX FRIDAY FEBRUARY 1 6TH 1 996 thursday friday IC Radio Next week, IC radio's Pete and Alick contin- 22 23 ue their run of big name DJ's from Kiss FM coming to do DJing (ie mixing), interviews february february and publicity for their club night in London Fitness Club Rag Meeting on our show. Naturally, they are very excit- 12.30pm. Die Hard circuit training ed about this... 5.30pm. Beginners aerobics. (R) 1.10pm Ents Lounge. (R) Colin Faver: Monday 19th February 9 - 11pm. ConSoc Islamic Society Colin Faver and Brenda Russell are run- 12 - 2pm. Rm 140 Huxley. AGM-Comm- ning a club night called "Deep Space Mission ittee elections. Voting at lpm. e-mail lpm. Southside Gym. Friday Prayers (R) II" "at The End, West Central Street, WC2 consoc(«-ic.ac.uk http://www.su.ic.uk/clubs- on Saturday 17th February. /socieities/scc/consoc/home.html (R) Pakistan Society 3 - 5pm. Basketball practice, union gym. Gliding Club bring trainers. lpm. Aero 266. (R) Hellenic Society E-mail Kashif at [email protected]. (R) Mountaineering Club The Hellenic Society presents the second 7pm. Social, Southside Upper Lounge. (R) Fitness Club Greek evcening, taking place on Friday 16th 5.30pm. Advanced Step Aerobics. Southside February in the Main Dining Hall.Greek food from Ouzeri restaurant will be served Yoga Soc Lounge. (R) 6.15 - 7.45pm. Table tennis room. Beginners' Wing Chun Kung Fu from 8.30pm to 10.30pm. Drink, live music and dancing until 2.00am. Kunalini yoga class. More information from 5-7pm. Union Gym, 2nd Floor ICU. mpn(« doc.ic.ac.uk, ex 48237. (R) Beginners welcome. 1st lesson free. (R) For details visit our web pages at Ents http://daedalus.ee.ic.ac.uk:8001/), where Christian Union Get ready to shake your booty, and keep the you can also find information about the other sand out of your bits with Sex On The activities of the society. Alternatively you 6.30 - 7.45pm. SCR in the Union. v (R) Beach: a night of the absolute best swing, can e-mail any member of the committee: funk, soul, hip hop and jungle. Plus you can n.doukas, h.hatzakis, s.xanthopoulous, ICCAG lay your hands on some freebies tied in with d.crassa or a.mershin all @ic.ac.uk. Please note that you will not see many 8.15pm. Weeks Hall basement. Soup run for Spike Lee's new film Clockers. There's posters for this around college. The society the homeless. (R) record bags, T-shirts, and caps to be won. All has decided to have only three posters per Skate Soc this for just £1 or free before 9pm. event in order to reduce pollution. Night Skate - everyone welcome. Call Alex friday on 0/7/ 352 9111 or [email protected] (R)
YHA lpm Southside Lounge. 'Take a walk on the ICU has VACANCIES for As part of it's commit- wild side.' (R) current ment to welfare, ICU is Consoc Annual Dinner at Jury's Kensington Hotel. NON-SABBATICAL making personal attack Sir Rhodes Boyson MP and Matthew Carrington MP speaking. Cost £25 positions. alarms available to vul-
Ents nerable students. Gas 5-1 lpm. DaVinci's. What is there to be said? The posts available are: Pamper yourself with the best value Cocktail powered alarms are free, Night for miles. All your favourite tipples, plus non-alcoholic cocktails. electric alarms are only Web Editor thursday £3.
Haldane Book/Record Buyer Both are available from
the union office recep- Ordinary member to tion on presentation of a Refectory Services union card. Committee
Ordinary member to
Executive committee
To stand for these sign up on the notice board by the *cu Union Office. IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION DIARY FELIX FRIDAY FEBRUARY 1 6TH 1996 . TWENTY-THREE The Experience of Structural Adjustment in Jamaica
Angela Stultz Crawlle of Jamaica will be realised; as Richard Bernal, Jamaica's ambas- So why has Jamaica lost both its social speaking at IC on Thursday about the social sador to the UN has commented: services and failed to revive its economy? The consequences of 'structural adjustment'- the "The policies of the 1980's have rein- answer must be related to the country's debt International Monetary Fund's policy on forced old structures, especially dependence problem. As the World Bank has pointed out, development which stipulates that borrowing on imported food. We have, seen none of the "In 1991/92 half of tax revenues went to must be linked to the opening of economies promised upsurge in production. The high- service external debt, while roads deteriorat- to international market forces. tech agro-chemical projects have failed. The ed for lack of maintenance, schoolchildren Jamaica is a particularly interesting case vulnerability of the economy to external were short of books, and hospitals were short as it was one of the first countries to take part forces is greater than ever." of medicines. The indirect efforts com- in the process of structural adjustment. In The economy may not have changed but pounded the problem by slowing growth. 1977, following several years of recession and the social conditions in Jamaica have. The The high debt burden makes business reluc- oil price increases, the Jamaican economy damage that has been done to the social infra- tant to invest in Jamaica, and encourages was in decline. The government was forced structure as a result of the government's tight young people to move abroad if they have to borrow heavily, primarily from the IMF fiscal policy has been immense. Basic services acquired education and skills to achieve which lent on the condition that an austere have been fundamentally damaged. For access to the international labour market." fiscal policy was embraced. This included the example spending in education has gone Jamaica's problems are complicated with cutting of government spending and the down by 30% in real terms. As a result, thou- no easy solutions. Without dealing with the removal of all food subsidies. The IMF sands of teachers have left the country in debt problem and re-examining the present encouraged Jamaica to target developing search of better pay and work conditions. policy towards the countriy's infrastructure, industries, arguing that the economy's vul- More immediate problems have been the situation can only get worse. The nerability was due to its lack of diversity. experienced in the health service; an acute Jamaican example certainly challenges the The IMF has been similarly involved in lack of funding has resulted in many workers validity of structural adjustment. the economic affairs of Jamaica ever since. being forced into the private sector. At pre- Third World First: 12.45pm, Thursday However, little improvement has been sent, 64% of nursing positions are vacant. February 22nd, Huxley 341
AND AN END TO WHAT DOES IF YOU POOR NATIONS WANT MORE GREATER BALANCE OF TRADE EQUILIBRIUM, SUBSIDIZED EAT LESS APPROPRIATE CURRENCY ADJUSTMENTS... CONSUMPTION ALL THAT LOANS, HERE'S WHAT WE WANT TO SEE - _ MEAN? mrfk
Get a Life! Careers Information Exam Stress
Let me guess, you're a scientist, you like your Summer Vacation Training opportunities Workshops drink, and most importantly, you're totally are now available on the database in the broke. When you leave Imperial with your Careers Office. Apply to UROP for research Exam stress workshops will be held at the first class degree, little will have changed, opportunities. Health Centre over two sessions - from 3pm except your overdraft will no longer be inter- to 4.30pm - on the afternoons of est free and alcohol will become a luxury you "Improve, your interview skills" is a short Wednesday 6th March f 996 can no longer afford. To tread those corridors course on Wednesday 21st February in and of wealth that you've been dreaming about, Huxley Room 343 from 2-4 pm. Sign up in Wednesday 13th March 1996 you need more than a first class degree, you the Careers Office. need a life. Unfortunately drinking the For more information and careers advice To take full advantage of these sessions, 'chaps' under the table is likely not to come to the Careers Office, Room 310 you are advised to attend both. These work- impress future employers. You need a CV Sherfield Building, which is open between shops Will be led by Psychotherapist Claudio that reads as well as Terry Venables latest 10am and 5.15pm Monday to Friday. Calvi. Everyone suffers from stress before line up, err, okay bad example, how about and at examinations. For most people stress the Brazilian line up? As an alternative to improves their performance; but if you have lying in order to bulk up your CV, you could Homeopathy a significant or debilitating examination do something valuable with your spare time stress problem, these workshops are for you. (that's when the bar is closed). FREE Homoeopathic treatment is available For bookings, please ring Liliane Carter SciTech is a student consultancy run by. to students of Imperial College on Monday on direct line no (0171) 594 9381 or inter- IC students. It is a concept originally Irom afternoons at Imperial College Health nally on 49381 .This service is entirely free of Europe where companies are able to pay stu- Service, Princes Gardens. charge, so don't hesitate to register and solve dents to work on projects for them. The ALL ailments and conditions can be your problem. companies get a cheap yet competent work helped by Homoeopathy, which uses safe WE ARE HERE TO HELP. DO CALL! force, and the students get a chance to make and natural remedies to enhance our general useful contacts with the industrial world, health and well-being. Whatever the prob- whilst gaining valuable CV points. For more lem - eczema, asthma, hay fever, anxiety, Stop Smoking information about SciTech, turn up to one of depression, insomnia etc. Homoeopathy the meetings in room 307 in Civ Eng, contact offers an alternative approach which can not The stop smoking group starts on 22nd us through e-mail at scitsl( CAMEL, LIGHTS, ACTION LIVE! TV GAMESHOW A NEW CONCEPT IN QUIZ NIGHTS with Barry Murphy CLUBWEAR, CDS, TICKETS, "destined to have the adoration ofJOOOs" POSTERS, PROMO GEAR TO BE WON Fri. Fob. MON 19TH. 7.30 ©INI TO EA< ml 21RD* 9-2AM fbf the new Spike Lee film shirts, up to be MOH hill out FELIX FRIDAY FEBRUARY 1 6TH 1996 . TWENTY-FIVE LETTERS FEATURE LETTER TO ICU: REPLIED TO BY ICU STAFF Dear ICU, arettes but no cigars, despite Union Staff: Ents manager: The propaganda accompanying repeated requests made to the Sadly we have to agree with Chris Queuing is as a result of the the calls lor comments about the staff - I know of many people Bragg's comments on the level and increased demand for the services Union in recent issues of Felix who would enjoy such a service. quality of services and environment offered on a Friday night. The actual were very reassuring - how nice The bars' shortcomings real- at ICU when compared with those capacity for the union on a normal to see a body so concerned with ly pale into insignificance when of other major institutions. Friday night is 750, which compares the welfare of students, providing one considers the Da Vinci's food Unfortunately IC was late in recog- favourably in relation to other services at affordable prices and counters. Quite apart from the nising the necessity of such develop- London colleges. This increases to an unmissable Ents. programme. food itself, which is, at best, ments. Many of the other colleges 1200 on carnivals. As events become What a shame that they did not somewhat like the curate's egg, it had started investing time and more popular, we have tried to paint a fully balanced picture. is the running of the outlet that is money into student services back in inform people of the need to arrive When compared to those of infuriating. It is all too frequent the early eighties. Long term plan- early. If people are unable to get in, other universities, such as for certain foods to run out even ning in student unions is crucial to this because we have to observe legal Manchester, Cardiff and Birm- by lpm, especially potatoes and students to give three major benefits: fire limits. ingham, the facilities in our union bread. What use is this to a stu- 1. The satisfaction and welfare of Our non-operation of a one-in are extremely poor. While dent arriving for his lunch from a students who use and run the ser- one-out policy is a result of discus- Imperial may be a relatively small humanities lecture or meeting? I vices. sion with local residents, fire author- university, the union does not feel I need not answer that. One 2. The ability through such services ities and police. We have to carefully match up even to that of similar or two of the staff are complete- to attract future students when coin- observe it, as any problems caused sized universities, such as Hull. I ly obnoxious to all customers, an petition between colleges is tough. outside Beit could result in the loss fully agree with Rachel Walters' image that people will be left 3. The generation of income through of our licence. comments in the editorial of Jan. with when they think about Da well-used services to enable the 19th on the state of the union's Vinci's. Furthermore, a senior Union to have autonomy in future Bar Manager: facilities, while the proportion of member of staff blatantly lied to growth and development of all The suppliers of pool tables, as well students regularly using the me about signs up in Da Vinci's aspects of commercial and non-com- as insurers, require that they are building in the evenings may be falsely stating the availability of mercial services (from clubs and positioned in full view of a member quite low, a capacity of around food at different times of the societies to welfare, student develop- of staff all the time: with our restrict- 500 on most nights hardly day. He promised me personally ment, etc.) ed space, this could be very difficult. enables access for all, as demon- that he would change them - Over the past few years we have Everybody would agree we should strated by the queues regularly three months on there has been started to redress the balance. Da have more space, both in front of seen outside the Quad. I am no action, what are people sup- Vinci's was totally refurbished, toi- and behind the bar. aware that this capacity is being posed to think when senior mem- lets were replaced, the Union The keeping of cask ales can be slightly increased, but this will do bers of staff lie while giving off an Offices were moved to a more cen- a tricky business. One of the most little to ease the frustration of image of sincere regret? tral, approachable position, the important requirements is cleanli- people having to wait outside. These grumbles apart, the Bookstore was completely refitted ness. To ensure all ales are served in Such frustration is not calmed by union does provide a reasonable and the Newsagents was developed. top quality condition, the lines must the holier-than-thou and general- service. Events such as Welfare There are plans for a major be cleaned regularly. Sometimes this ly arrogant attitude displayed by Week do have limited effect development of the entertainment may lead to a specific brand not the majority of Stewards. within the college community venue and bar/food areas. We have being available for a short time. The union is the only one I (not necessarily a fault of the had to put some of these on hold We endeavour to offer a varied know of (and I have visited union or its officers), but res- while we are uncertain of our perma- selection of traditional ales: although around thirty different unions in earch needs to be done to find nent location. We do, however, we have nine handpumps, we have the past couple of years) not to ways of increasing the knowledge recognise that the Union cannot offered in excess of thirty different have any pool tables available. of and participation in such stand still until decisions are taken ales in recent months. This inevitably The bar facilities arc undeniably events. Perhaps it may be easier about its future. We are currently means that certain ales are not avail- inadequate for their purpose. It is for the union to interact with the looking into a relatively small scale able at all times. We always endeav- quite unbelievable that we should general student community with development which would at least our to serve only quality products, have two small bar areas, even the greater presence of staff on improve the environment in the short but if a customer is not satisfied they with the seating in Da Vinci's the reception desk, providing a term. will always be offered an alternative. being inconveniently removed, much needed break from the Comments like those from Cigars will be available behind the both of which are served by previous miserable, grudging ser- Chris are very welcome. They show bar in the very near future. insufficient bar length and staff. vice that greeted visitors. To con- us that in fighting for improved stu- Perhaps more frustrating to most clude: the union is doing well, dent services and facilities we are Catering manager: people is the service offered at but could do much better on the truly representing student opinion. I put signs up 48 hours after speak- the bars and food counters. There fronts mentioned above. And IC students, both present and ing to you, and they were continual- ly ripped down and replaced. I got seems to be some inability to without forward planning (which future, deserve facilities at least as fed up with this behaviour, but I keep all the beers in the Union appears to be lacking at present), good as those of any other university should have thought of an alterna- Bar on tap throughout a week, the union will be unable to cater in the country, and we will get there. tive. Sorry. Food running out is not to mention at the right tem- for future needs. We were disappointed with the unfortunate, but we inevitably have perature (and water content, it lack of response to the Felix appeal. it happening a certain amount in seems?]. I cannot understand Yours sincerely, We need your input to make this the attempts to avoid wastage. why the bar continues to sell cig- Chris Bragg Physics 3 Union that you want il to be. TWENTY-SIX . FELIX FRIDAY FEBRUARY 16TH 1996 EDITORIAL AND LETTERS FELIX LETTERS TO FELIX: FOUNDED 1949 PRODUCED FOR AND ON BEHALF OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION Dear Felix, seemed considerably distressed. PUBLICATIONS BOARD Having noticed that your letters We see nothing funny in this, we PRINTED BY THE IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION PRINT UNIT page has been rather sparse must assume that it was a private BEIT QUAD PRINCE CONSORT ROAD LONDON SW7 2BB recently, we decided to write joke amongst them. Surely this TELEPHONE/FAX 0171 594 8072 you a nice whinging letter. conduct is unbecoming of so- EDITOR: RACHEL WALTERS Whilst enjoying a 'good" night called adults. Is it suprising that PRINTERS: ANDY THOMPSON AND JEREMY out at the Union on Friday 9th, so many people are embarrassed BUSINESS MANAGER: JULIETTE DECOCK we couldn't help noticing the to say that-they study at IC? COPYRIGHT FELIX 1996. appalling behaviour of many IC Yours sincerely, ISSN 1040-0711 students. During the course of Rupert Ingham, Lawrence Gould, the evening our enjoyement was Markos Daskalakis (CivEng 2) on the job feels the need. Now the obvious interrupted several times by the drawback to this plan is the lack worrying sight of fights being Dear Felix, In a vague attempt to move from of pockets in your average pair of broken up by Union with the auditions for comperes this job in July into a position in lycra shorts. But Gerald has cov- stewards,who also had the dis- now complete, preparations for which I will get paid rather more ered all bases by sticking a mars agreable task of throwing out the OSC International Night for considerably less hours, I bar down his pants. Usually when numerous juvenile drunkards. By now begin in earnest... Destiny found myself in one of those Gerald trains the mars bar is far the most annoying behaviour Amana and Shilpa Patel will be graduate recruitment interviews wholly uneaten by the time he's was that of three - to our mind - the hosts on March 1st. This this morning. I'm still in a state finished, although often fairly wet typical IC students, who seemed showpiece event in the college of great nervous tension: I sus- and squishy. to find the constant and calendar has had an average attendance of over' 1000 stu- pect the memory will haunt me Gerald is one of the more extremely loud impersonation of dents in the past few years. for years. My interviewer asked dedicated runners (Honest), and farm animals (especially donkeys what was 'the most creative generally exercises 4 or 5 times a and sheep) very amusing. Their If anyone would like to help thing I had ever done'. I'm not week. As Gerald agrees eating the attitude towards young ladies with the organisation of the actu- going to tell you what I said in mars bar after the run would be was equally childish. One young al night, the OSC meets every response, because it's simply far quite a grim task, so he does not, lady, who had the misfortune of Wednesday at 12.30pm in mech too embarrassing. What worries prefering instead to buy a new passing by their table several Eng LT 1 room 220. me almost as much as the reali- one. However Gerald has hit times, was repeatedly greeted Usman Malik (Ents Officer) sation that I have, developed the hard times recently, his bank bal- with cries of "Geeezuss!!", and Kamal Patel (Vice Chairman) ability to spout management ance reaching the "5 pounds over consultant-esque cheesy drivel is the limit, no you can't have any the fact that he honestly seemed more you skint bastard" stage. to feel that it was a good reply. This caused Gerald to introduce Still, all is not lost, and into some cost cutting measures, and the void left when I rushed off to the first obvious thought was to be an executive, Civil Engin- cut down on the excess mars bars. eering's Mr Cedd Burge has ably 'The mars bar recycling plan' F stepped to take over the rest of involves having the same mars the editorial... bar down his pants every time he / have a little story about goes out. It was all going very well The indispensable guide for Felix Gerald Johnson, a pillar of until one fateful day, after 3.5 strength in the highly dedicated months of hard slog with the same contributors and helpers X-Coitntry community. Gerald sweaty mars bar, the man felt an is unfortunately a diabetic, and oncoming desire to lose concious- monday, high noon has to put himself through the rit- ness, and had to make the deci- tuesday noon clubs & societies ual steroid / cocaine jokes every sion that was later described by letters deadline time he gets his needle out. When me to be "about as stupid as the articles deadline exercising, low blood sugar can be bloke who decided to bomb tuesday 6pm a particularly big problem, and Canary Wharf". Felix quoted monday 1.20pm the possibility of being a long way Gerald as saying "urrrr, where features meeting from a chocolate machine if one am I?" reviewers' thursday night meeting EDITORIAL TEAM: collating NEWS: ALEX FEAKES FEATURES: MARK BAKER monday 6pm PHOTOGRAPHY: IVAN CHAN AND DIANA HARRISON friday morning SPORT: JONATHAN TROUT MUSIC: VIK BANSAL CINEMA: WEI LEE news meeting another Felix hits the ARTS: JEREMY SCIENCE: BEN WILKINS tuesday noon THEATRE: KATHERINE FISHWICK PUZZLES: CATFISH street... COLLATING LAST WEEK: VARIOUS MARKS AND ALEX arts meeting SPORT FELIX FRIDAY FEBRUARY 16TH 1996 . TWENTY SEVEN 'Storming' We're Going To Barbados, You're Not! Ladies (But Please Give Us Your Money Anyway) ICWFC 12-0 UCL I Please understand we don't friendly fixtures against the port. The tour is ambitious but Once again the Imperial College want no trouble... University of the West Indies with a drop of the shoulder and a Ladies sent their opposition After many months of random and the Barbados Community bit of a shimmy we reckon we home empty handed following a shooting in the dark, we finally College. can taste a little paradise. scintillating display ol fitness hit our target this term with a After booking half an aero- For fund-raising events we and skill. Despite being down to cheeky collaboration of the hock- plane to the West Indies it was have organised a varied and excit- f) men, (Schwa'' - Sports Ed.) the ey and football clubs. ing repertoire; An open IC girls reduced the UCL This provided the neces- pool tournament for all defence to sieve status. sary impetus for what has students, a sponsored Shockingly, the First half the potential to be one of head shave (girls includ- remained scoreless. the finest sports tours w ed), a sports dinner for The second half saw Helen ever; Barbados '96. representatives from showing off her brilliant individ- Forty of IC's most every sports club, a ual skills, in a move which saw responsible football and naked bungee jump, an open 6-a-Side football the ball ending up in the back of hockey athletes will be 1 competition and many the UCL net.Owing to sheer gracing the island of glorious raffles. luck and a terrible shot UCL Barbados this August, Let's face it we're going missed a penalty, and from this comprising of three nowhere without your point on the IC defence squads; Ladies hockey, support, and the last thing we remained solid. After somecon- men's hockey and men's football. clear that we've now split the want is empty terraces. So if you fusion in the UCL box, The hockey teams will be partic- defence and only have the goalie spot one of our events, turn up Mamamia Eva used brute force ipating in the 'Barbados Hockey to beat. Its a one on one situation and spare us some loose change to power the ball over the line Federation' tournament and the with our fund-raising events just or pretend you've got no money. following a shot from Juliette. footballers will be playing several needing the ever vital crowd sup- Crossword by Clansman Across: 23. Piper confused by old penny 1. Destroy silk tax? (8) that is torn? (6) 9. Sir Thomas Moore's ideal 26. Dido sat in peculiar summa- place. (6) tions. (9) 10. Cufflink nudger plays a card 27. Road damaged by royal game. (4,5) southerner - or admirers. (7) 12. Coin tampered with in vase 28. Assistant -with a bit of a by mythical creature. (7) watch? (4,5) 1 3. Wolf snake all at sea in frozen 30. Rent row over church pit. (6) water droplet! (9) 31. North-east twice in loss at 15. A door south leads to fake solitude. (8) gems. (6) 16. Later advance in time. (3) Down: 18. Plant eleven acres - prime 2. Playing a scene about gin? (6) vegetable. (3) 3. Bequester of final debter? (7) 19. Scolded Colombian ambas- 4. Rocket God. (6) sador hid in a secret place. (7) 5. Also an exclamation, we hear. 20. Natural Goddess with no (3) afterthought. (3) 6. Rope man, we hear, is tough. 2f. Telephone evening news first condition. (9) Scottish city. (8) (9) - count up to it. (3) 8. Sat astern without a nasty set 22. Change one on issue. (7) 7. Share out poor paint in bad of vermin homes. (8) 24. Handle on a hotel? (6) 11. Shrub that repents? (3) 25. North-eastern silt exposed in 14. Nice colour in the family. (7) parts of the sea. (6) . ' : ...... 16. Each right page shone around 26. Adder saves python first - :, ' .. :!': .' ell.,'.. head pieces? (9) what a snake! (3) 17. Assenting to current church 29. Autumn in the US without home next to conservative French ambassador for every- England. (9) thing? (3) - 18. Part of flower given to man in TWENTY EIGHT . FELIX FRIDAY FEBRUARY 1 6TH 1 996 SPORT FELIX SPORT Escape Hockey Put For Hockey On Drug Virgins Fail To Score On Women Alert \ / I i / |-N (But make up Valentine s Day fir*in the bar CARDIFF LADIES 3 - 3 IC IC III 2 - 0 RHUL III later...) (3 - 7 AET) In somewhat of a renais- With buoyant fans, IC's women sance for the sport, the 3rds won PORTSMOUTH 55-0 VIRGINS captain after twenty minutes. set foot on Welsh (astro) turf on a game! A virginal score on Valentine's Jane gets the vote for forward of Monday. Despite some superb Progressing in fine style into Day didn't reflect the hard work the match for taking a lot of dirty attacking play, IC were 2-0 the last sixteen of the BUSA and commitment that was evi- tactics on the chin, whilst Sarah down at half time. The second championships, their grandiose dent in every players perfor- gets loudmouth of the match for half, though, showed our ladies' performance was eclipsed only mance. obvious reasons. Well done determination, in pulling a goal by the Cantona-esque bad Against the wrath of the Virgins, who played proudly in a back through a Joke penalty cor- sportsmanship of the RHUL Pompey forwards and the speed difficult match. ner, only to find themselves two goalkeeper. Two fine strikes led and quick wits ol their backs, a (Sarah W reckons that being goals behind once more. IC to goals from Apeman and makeshift IC VX tried and tried complimented by the england fought back though, with Butlins .Even without Ken, there tremendous strikes from Joke but couldn't quite score. The student hooker leading a pack was no doubt that on the day we and Sally, which exemplified award for back of the match goes full of internationals is worth a were the best. The cost of the IC's team approach to the game. to Becky who stood in at scrum mention to all those involved. So match was 5000 pounds. Extra time was required, but half following an injury to the here it is.) Obituary to Ken: from then on there could only Our Ken, who art in heaven be one winner. Bring on Exeter! Hockey was thy game Thy goalposts come Rugby Boys Earn And enemies done Women On pitch as well as bar Give us this day our monthly goal Difficult Win Win League And forgive us our passes As we let in those goals scored SOAS 7-12 ICRFC Although IC's forwards 5TH LEAGUE RACE: against us Having donated two of their dominated the set-pieces, the WOMEN 1ST, MEN 3RD And lead us not into relega- players to the opposition IC had game was scrappy overall, with The conditions were atrocious, tion a close win over the SOAS. many opportunities missed by the mud was knee deep in the But deliver us from defeat IC took the lead early on both sides. best of places, but everything For thine are the goalposts with a highly logical run by Julian A score from John Evans, was alright because Jurgen for- And the spirit Harrison from well inside his masquerading as a scrum half, got his lurid pink tights. And the humiliation own 22. His try was met with a settled the contest and although As for the race, Gerald ran Forever and ever model conversion from Andy SOAS scored a late try, IC were with his shoes in his hands, Aken. Mayes. victorious. whilst Gary got into the spirit of Valentine's Day by running with Just Space for a Little FOOTBALL IC III 2 - 0 RHUL III a rose between his teeth. The Bit About Tennis women won the league and went ICWFC 2 - 0 UCL I RSM 2 - 0 ST.MARY'S II to the pub to celebrate. The men IC 6 - 0 SURREY went to the pub anyway. The Lawn Tennis Club had a RUGBY CROSS COUNTRY Anyone who would like to good day on Sunday, hammering marshal the Hyde Park relays on Surrey 6 - 0 in the first round of SOAS 7 - 12 ic LEAGUE RACE - GUILFORD Saturday, meet at 12.30 at the the winter league knockout Union. You'll get a free t-shirt competition. PTS'MTH 55 - 0 VIRGINS WOMEN 1 ST (and a look at Jurgen's pants.) The party in the union afterward HOCKEY MEN 3RD is sure to be a huge hit (rave on SportsNews Cedd!l The Nevada Commission have CARDIFF LADIES 3 - 3 IC TENNIS declared the career of former world heavyweight champion Tommy Morrison (3 - 7 AET) IC 6 - 0 SURREY over, after it was discovered he is HIV LAYERS positive. His previous opponents have IC Athletics Clubs Committee is sponsored by been advised to take precautionary tests.