South Dakota Humanities Council Humanities Council Presents the Presents the South Dakota Humanities Council South Dakota Humanities Council South2020 Dakota ONEPresents Humanities BOOK the Council SD 2020 ONEPresents BOOK the SD 2020 ONEPresents BOOK the SD - READER’S2020 ONE BOOK GUIDE SD - TABLE of CONTENTS

About the One Book SD Program & South Dakota Festival of Books...... 1

About the 2020 One Book, Unfollow...... 3 About the Author, Megan Phelps-Roper...... 5 Introduction...... 7 Discussion Questions...... 11 Praise for the Book...... 14 Thank You to Sponsors & Board ...... 16 About the One Book Program, South Dakota Festival of Books

Contact [email protected] or call 605-688-6113 with any questions. Festival of Books: ‘Bringing Readers and Writers Together’

The 2020 Festival of Books will be held Oct. 2–4 in Brookings, featuring authors and illustrators participating in readings, lectures, workshops, panel discussions and book signings. South Dakota’s premier annual literary event, the Festival includes more than 40 exhibitors and draws more than 5,000 session attendees, with an additional 5,000 students meeting children’s/YA authors and illustrators.

Most Festival events are free, but each year there are a handful of ticketed events that can be purchased on our website.

Since its inception in 2003, the South Dakota Festival of Books has featured award-winning authors in all genres: fiction authors Jane Smiley, Louise Erdrich, William Kent Krueger, and Tim O’Brien; children’s authors Gene Luen Yang and Kate DiCamillo; non-fiction authors Timothy Egan and Denise Kiernan, and many more.

The event is produced by the South Dakota Humanities Council, a statewide non-profit whose sole purpose is to provide humanities programs for South Dakotans. As well as writing in various genres such as non-fiction, fiction and poetry, Festival of Books authors explore various humanities disciplines including history, language, literature and much more.

Sign up for our e-newsletter at sdhumanities.org/news to stay up to date on details about the 2020 Festival of Books in Brookings!

1 About the One Book SD Program

The One Book South Dakota is central to the Festival, where the year’s activities culminate in a keynote by the One Book author.

Since 2003, the One Book South Dakota program has encouraged people across the state to read and discuss the same book through the year. Groups receive the current One Book on loan from the SDHC lending library and, optionally, can host a SDHC scholar for their event.

To host a One Book South Dakota discussion featuring Unfollow and a scholar to lead it, please visit sdhumanities.org/onebook. Information about Megan Phelps-Roper’s 2020 One Book Tour is at sdhumanities.org/OB-tour.

2 About Unfollow: A Memoir of Loving and Leaving the

In her memoir, the activist and TED speaker Megan Phelps-Roper reveals her life growing up in the most hated family in America.

At the age of five, Megan Phelps-Roper began protesting and other alleged vices alongside fellow members of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, . Founded by her grandfather and consisting almost entirely of her extended family, the tiny group would gain worldwide notoriety for its pickets at military funerals and celebrations of death and tragedy.

As Phelps-Roper grew up, she saw that church members were close companions and accomplished debaters, applying the logic of predestination and the language of the King James Bible to everyday life with aplomb—which, as the church’s spokeswoman, she learned to do with great skill. Soon, however, dialogue on Twitter caused her to begin doubting the church’s leaders and message: If humans were sinful and fallible, how could the church itself be so confident about its beliefs? As she digitally jousted with critics, she started to wonder if sometimes they had a point—and then she began exchanging messages with a man who would help change her life.

A gripping memoir of escaping extremism and falling in love, Unfollow relates Phelps-Roper’s moral awakening, her departure from

3 the church, and how she exchanged the absolutes she grew up with for new forms of warmth and community. Rich with suspense and thoughtful reflection, Phelps-Roper’s life story exposes the dangers of black-and-white thinking and the need for true humility in a time of angry polarization.

4 About the Author

Megan Phelps-Roper is a writer and activist. Formerly a member of the Westboro Baptist Church, she left the church in November 2012, a process she examines in her book, Unfollow: A Memoir of Loving and Leaving the Westboro Baptist Church, which has been selected as the 2020 One Book South Dakota. Readers around the state, including those participating in SDHC-funded book club programs, will read and discuss Phelps-Roper’s book leading up to the Oct. 2-4, 2020 South Dakota Festival of Books.

The granddaughter of infamous religious zealot and Westboro Baptist Church Fred Phelps, Phelps-Roper grew up protesting funerals before leaving the Westboro Baptist Church — and by extension, most of her family — behind in 2012 and eventually moving to Clark, SD, where she lives with her husband Chad and daughter Sølvi. Unfollow chronicles her life in Kansas from childhood through adulthood, her departure from the church during her mid-20s, and the unlikely series of events that led her to South Dakota.

Phelps-Roper is eager to share her story with fellow residents of the state she now calls home.

“It was actually six years ago yesterday that I made South Dakota my home and I’m so, so excited to share with the beautiful people of this state how the power of civil dialogue changed my life for the better,” she said during a December 2019 unveiling of the book. “So, thank you again so much for this opportunity and I cannot wait to get started.”

Having been featured on Good Morning America and excerpted in People magazine, Unfollow is on the national radar. It received a starred review from Publishers Weekly, which said, “Phelps-Roper’s

5 intelligence and compassion shine throughout with electric prose ... She admirably explicates the worldview of the Westboro Baptist Church while humanizing its members and recounts a classic coming-of-age story without resorting to cliché or condescending to her former self.”

Now an educator on topics related to overcoming ideological extremism and improving communication across religious and political divides, Phelps-Roper has spent much of her life in the national spotlight, from appearing on national news programs like The Tyra Banks Show during her protest days to performing a Ted Talk with more than eight million views after leaving the church.

“We’re pleased to feature such an inspiring story of national significance, and we’re especially excited that it’s told by one of our state’s own residents,” said Jennifer Widman, director of the South Dakota Festival of Books, which hosted Phelps-Roper as a presenter in October 2019 as the book debuted. “This book will lead to valuable conversations about civil discourse and the miraculous ability of humans to change their minds and habits. Exploring what it means to be human is the cornerstone of our mission.”

6 Achieving a First-Rate Intelligence: Teachings of the 2020 One Book South Dakota

Throughout the history of the One Book program, the South Dakota Humanities Council has selected books that propel our mission, helping us create a more well-read and, by extension, more engaged and thoughtful state of South Dakota. The 2020 One Book South Dakota accomplishes those things — and more.

Not only was it written by a South Dakotan, but Unfollow: A Memoir of Loving and Leaving the Westboro Baptist Church may also be the first One Book in the program’s 18-year history to offer life lessons, learned firsthand by the author, Megan Phelps-Roper of Clark, SD, related to every facet of our mission statement:

The South Dakota Humanities Council celebrates literature, promotes civil conversation, and tells the stories that define our state.

Phelps-Roper celebrates literature, citing classic novels that paved her path to enlightenment. The portion of the memoir that unfolds in South Dakota briefly but firmly defines our state, which offers the Kansas transplant exactly what she needs: a rural haven with idyllic scenery, refuge, anonymity and “Midwest nice.” However, the most profound lesson — profound because of the author’s background as an ideological extremist — is on civil conversation.

Discourse in 2020 is not often civil, as discussions of public policy, race, religion and all things political tend to devolve into vitriol and insults, as people gravitate toward extreme positions and refuse to consider middle ground.

7 How can we be better? Embracing civility is an oft-suggested solution to bringing together our increasingly fractured society. But one could argue that civility must be learned on more than a superficial level to be effective.

Civility is deeply rooted in the humanities discipline, a form of humanities-driven intelligence developed through time devoted to reading and understanding and embracing other perspectives in literature and life.

According to the legendary F. Scott Fitzgerald, to live this way — in consideration of others — is to live intellectually. “The test of a first- rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function,” he said.

Having captured in fewer than 50,000 words the essence of American culture with The Great Gatsby, considered by many as the Great American Novel, Fitzgerald was an expert on human behavior and, by extension, the humanities.

Believing strongly in one position while remaining open to the fact that an opposing position also has merit is a value advocated by Fitzgerald. According to Fitzgerald’s logic, people who only consider their own opinions have not achieved “first-rate intelligence.”

His quote, a vivid distillation of a complex idea, unfolds as a teachable moment, in textbook fashion (no pun intended) in Unfollow. How?

Where the book starts, Phelps-Roper is a young member of the dogmatic Westboro Baptist Church who would have scoffed at Fitzgerald’s quote and, had there actually been such a test, failed miserably.

Her extremist family forces its view of the world on anyone who will listen — and especially, on those who prefer not to listen. She spends her formative years shouting down bereaved families and people with

8 different opinions. As a protestor, Phelps-Roper demonstrates with a large picket sign and a single idea in her head: her family IS right.

Throughout the book she changes, as she undergoes the kind of character arc that novelists dream of. Now an author and activist, Phelps-Roper hints at her life transformation on the very first page of her memoir, with an epigraph suggesting wisdom in inclusivity from – guess who?

“Reserving judgments is a matter of infinite hope.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

What changed her mind?

Read the book to find out. When you do, you’ll learn how its author endured a heartbreaking series of events that stretched her sensibilities from one end of the spectrum to the other, and she came out with a perspective beyond her years.

“Doubt causes us to hold a strong position a bit more loosely, such that an acknowledgement of ignorance or error doesn’t crush our sense of self or leave us totally unmoored if our position proves untenable,” Phelps-Roper writes. “Certainty is the opposite: It hampers inquiry and hinders growth.”

Not surprisingly, books were an important part of Phelps-Roper’s journey. Classics by Fitzgerald, Hemingway and others helped her see all of the colors in what had been, for her, a grayscale outlook. As an author and activist, she has learned that her perspective is one of many — that she is not always right. Nobody is.

Phelps-Roper changed. Civil conversations can be had in our country if others are also willing to change, to learn humanities- driven critical thinking skills and apply them to their interpersonal relationships and interactions.

That is why reading this book—reading any book—is so important. When you read a book, you expand your perspective, intelligence

9 and empathy. These are the skills needed to hold a civil conversation which requires you to accept two opposing ideas or possibilities: you are correct, and so is the other person. Therefore, the more you read, the more perspective you gain, the more likely you are to achieve “first-rate intelligence,” per Fitzgerald’s test.

We selected Phelps-Roper, in part, because of her ability to encourage such conversations and further our mission. She has lived through a monumental change, and by reading her book, you will encounter the lessons that helped make her a more civil person. We ask you to consider whether her learned civility — the ability to relate to others on a personal level, to give context to events and conversations and, therefore, to harness the intelligence of being human — might be the most important skill of them all.

10 Discussion Questions

1. If you were aware of the Westboro Baptist Church and its religious extremism before you read this book, did your perception of the group change in any way? If so, explain how.

2. The Westboro Baptist Church membership was relatively small, yet it was able to make a relatively significant impact on U.S. culture. What factors went into their ability to rise to prominence?

3. Consider the education of the Phelps family members. How did this contribute to their group’s success as protesters?

4. What do you think was the biggest factor in Phelps-Roper’s departure from the church? Do you think there could have been factors influencing her decision that she did not describe in the book or that she did not realize were at play?

5. If you were in Phelps-Roper’s situation (belonging to a group that practiced religious extremism you no longer believed in), would you leave, like she did, knowing you’d be ostracized from the group? Or would you remain active in the group in the interest of maintaining your relationships? If you were to leave, how would you handle your departure?

6. After her departure, Phelps-Roper struggles to come to terms with the ways she has hurt other people through pickets, interviews, and other Westboro activities. To what extent does she bear responsibility for this pain? Who/What else might be responsible? And, as a friend asks her on p. 242, does it really matter?

7. What was your reaction to Fred Phelps’ behavior near the end of his life? Did it change how you viewed him?

11 8. Did this book lead you to learn anything about yourself and your interpersonal relationships? Do you see ways it could affect how you approach conflict?

9. Have you ever, like Phelps-Roper, changed or challenged an idea you were raised to believe in wholeheartedly? If so, how and why did that happen, and how did it affect your life?

10. Until she left the church, Phelps-Roper never questioned “the idea that agreement was a prerequisite for friendship” (p. 247). Do you have any friends with whom you have significant religious, political, or other disagreements? If not, why do you suppose that is? If so, how do you handle the areas of disagreement?

12 11. Phelps-Roper argues that “the root of Westboro’s ideology – the idea that our beliefs were ‘the one true way’ – is not by any means limited to Westboro members. In truth, that idea is common, widespread, and on display everywhere humans gather” (p. 275). Why do you think such certainty appeals to people? What are its effects, both positive and negative?

12. Could the ideas in this book be used to support civil discourse in the United States as it pertains to the current political and ideological polarization? If so, how?

13. In her viral TED Talk (available here: www.meganphelpsroper. com/media), Phelps-Roper suggests four actions that “make real conversation possible”:

• Don’t assume bad intent • Stay calm • Ask questions • Make the argument

Do any of these suggestions seem especially useful to you? Do any seem especially challenging?

14. Partly because Phelps-Roper began questioning her own beliefs after interacting with strangers on social media, she argues that banning any kind of speech, no matter how hateful, from public platforms is “a fundamentally flawed strategy” (p. 277). Do you think sites like Twitter and Facebook should restrict the content that appears on them in any way? If so, how?

15. If you had to teach one lesson from this book to others to positively impact their lives, what would it be?

16. The core mission of the South Dakota Humanities Council is to “celebrate literature, promote civil conversation, and tell the stories that define our state.” How does this book connect to that mission?

13 Praise for the Book

“[Phelps-Roper] paints a nuanced portrait of the lure and pain of zealotry . . . She urges all of us to reach out in good faith to those we disagree with, to try to understand the experiences and motives that have shaped their stances, and to realize that grievous behavior isn’t necessarily driven by ill intent.” —Ruth Padawer, Book Review

“[A] scrupulous, anguished account of ‘loving and leaving’ the church, a satisfying story” —James Lasdun, The London Review of Books

“Unfollow is an exceptional book: a loving portrait of a fanatical organization . . . Love, it seems, for Phelps-Roper, is not only the answer, but the one thing she knows for sure.” —Grace McCleen, The Times (London)

“The story of how Phelps-Roper extricated herself (and one of her sisters) from Westboro unfolds like a suspense novel, so I won’t spoil it here. Suffice to say, leaving was wrenching, despite its clear necessity. And life after Westboro was disorienting — liberated but also adrift, Phelps-Roper had to face the guilt over ‘years I had wasted hurting people in a misguided effort to serve an image of a God that seemed less real all the time.’” — Kate Tuttle, NPR

“Phelps-Roper’s intelligence and compassion shine throughout with electric prose ... She admirably explicates the worldview of the Westboro Baptist Church while humanizing its members, and recounts a classic coming-of-age story without resorting to cliché or condescending to her former self.” —Publishers Weekly (starred review)

“Phelps-Roper is a masterful writer. She writes movingly about the searing pain of separation from those she continues to love, and beautifully about how freeing herself from a theology of hate has given her life greater meaning and purpose. In a time of growing intolerance, Unfollow is essential reading.” —BookPage (starred review)

14 “Megan’s story embodies the power of patience, listening, and empathy in this time of extreme intolerance and hatred of one’s ideological enemies. It is, quite simply, exactly what the world needs right now.” —Mark Duplass, actor and film director

“Megan Phelps Roper has guts—maybe more guts than can comfortably be contained within one adult human. First, as a member of the scary Westboro Baptist Church, she had the guts to get into the faces of people she disapproved of, gays and Jews and less fiery Christians, and tell them why God hated them. Then - and this is where you and I come in - she had the guts to listen and to think, and to decide that everything she had built her life upon was wrong. This is a beautiful, gripping book about a singular soul, and an unexpected redemption.” —Nick Hornby, author of High Fidelity and How to Be Good

“Rarely do you come across someone with the courage and clarity of Megan Phelps-Roper. From her story, we can learn things sorely needed in our age: empathy, openness, and how we can best build bridges across divided lines.” —Chris Anderson, Head of TED

“Megan Phelps-Roper finds a way to tell the story of the girl she was raised to be from the perspective of the woman she became, without rewriting history or losing touch with the earnestness that made everything in her world seem OK, if not downright righteous, at the time. Despite a fundamental transformation of epic proportions, Megan’s core, her soul, remains the same throughout: kind, passionate, and open. Her process is wildly brave and incredibly thoughtful and this book gives us incomparable insight into a world we all, and yet none of us, know. It will leave you holding your heart.” —Sarah Silverman, actress and comedian, host of I Love You, America with Sarah Silverman

“Megan Phelps-Roper is one of the most inspiring women I have ever met. If you want to see how a girl raised on religious fanaticism and sectarian hatred can be cured by the power of honest reasoning, read this book.” —Sam Harris, author of The Four Horsemen and The End of Faith

15 Thank you for participating in One Book South Dakota!

This program was made possible by the generous financial support of donors across the state and by the following people who volunteer to serve on the South Dakota Humanities Council Board of Directors:

*Whitney Rencountre, Chair Bobbie Bohlen Program Coordinator Executive Director Rapid City Area Schools Grant County Development Corp. Rapid City Milbank

*Jay Perry, Chair Elect Cathy Clark Asst Vice President for Retired Banker Academic Affairs Sioux Falls South Dakota Board of Regents Pierre Tawa Ducheneaux Archivist *Vonnie Shields, Past Chair Oglala Lakota College Community Volunteer Kyle Sioux Falls Darlene Farabee *Eric Abrahamson Associate Professor & Chair Principal Historian of the Department of English Vantage Point Historical Services, Inc. University of South Dakota Rapid City Vermillion

Kathy Antonen Jerome Freeman Retired English Professor Neurologist, Chair Neurosciences South Dakota School of Mines Sanford Health, University & Technology of South Dakota Lake Norden Brandon

16 Karen Hall Tamara St. John Author, Environmental Engineer Tribal Archivist Rapid City Sisseton Wahpeton Oyate Sisseton *Katie Hunhoff Publisher *Kristi Tornquist, Treasurer South Dakota Magazine Chief University Librarian & Professor Yankton South Dakota State University Brookings Kelly Kirk Director of University Jerry Wilson Honors Program Writer, Retired Teacher Black Hills State University University of South Dakota Spearfish Vermillion

*Heidi Kruse, Secretary *Executive Committee Elementary Librarian & Media Specialist Meade School District Sturgis

Frank Pommersheim Emeritus Professor University of South Dakota Vermillion

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SOUTH DAKOTA FESTIVAL of BOOKS Oct. 2-4, 2020 | Brookings