Democrats Are in Big Trouble (Billie Jean) He hit the scene in his mom jeans He was so serene He told me Nancy Don’t you worry I am the one Who can raise GDP from the dead He said I am the one Happy days, world peace Are ahead

I told the Blue Dogs Don’t be scaredy cats Or flee like rats We’ve got a mandate To spend and tax We are the ones Who can pass anything, just relax

Someone forgot to tell me Scott Brown would be a hit And turn us all into populists And no one thought to tell me How quickly we would fade Pushing cap and trade And Nebraska’s Medicaid

Democrats are in big trouble We can’t blame Dubya Now that we are the ones And Barack don’t have to run

Now that we are the ones Town hall meetings ain't much fun

Be careful what you wish for ‘Cause leadership is hard So many things to regulate Thank God for all our spending We’ve got a credit card And we hoped that all that snow Would shut down the CBO

Hey, Hey Democrats are in big trouble We’ve got incumbents leaving Congress in mobs But we count those as new jobs All those tea party mobs Make it hard to do my job

Democrats are in big trouble Democrats are in big trouble Democrats are in big trouble

BEAT IT

They told Republicans don’t come around here They wanted us to vote with them or disappear Well I am Mitch McConnell and I made it real clear We’d beat ‘em We’d beat 'em

We couldn't do much but we had to save face While Limbaugh and Glen Beck were riling up our base So we used filibusters to slow down the pace Can’t beat it We don’t have to play fair

Just beat it, beat it beat it Say we don’t have time to read it Hold nominations, dig up some dirt Make them get cloture until it's absurd Just beat it, beat it Just beat it, beat it Just beat it beat it Just beat it beat it

Don’t ask for our solutions, we’re not playing that game It's easier to criticize and fix the blame We chased off Dodd and Bayh and Byron what's-his-name We beat ‘em, And watch out John McCain

Just Beat it, beat it beat it We will just say no, defeat it We left Obama one giant mess That is the secret to our success Just beat beat it Just beat it, beat it Just beat it, beat it Just beat it Beat it! Just beat it!

Black and White (Black or White)

A DC ballroom on a Saturday night The mighty Gridiron turning 125 We’ve abandoned some traditions We’ve got TV stars who don’t even write

But men who come to Gridiron Still have to wear a tie that’s white We blog and twitter and we shoot video But we’re still looking for a way to make dough You got Kindles, I-Pads, netbooks Every fancy way to read megabytes

But the only people paying are the ones Who read in black and white It’s black and white And meg- abytes It’s black and white Let’s us survive

Its black and white Our suits? Too bright! Our club - All right One twen-ty five

So welcome to the Gridiron We hope that you’re not here all night So welcome to the Gridiron We hope that you're not here all night. It’s A Grand Year for Running (from State Fair: “It’s A Grand Night for Singing”)

It’s a grand year for running The GOP's flying high The tea parties show We can beat them with “NO!” While screaming our hearts to the sky!

It’s a grand year for running The stars are all aligned Rush Limbaugh’s a-glow Glen Beck adds to the show We think we can clean-up this year, Clean-up, clean-up this year.

It’s a grand year to block things Pelosi’s running scared We'll stop cap and trade Rain on their parade ‘Cause Palin is now on the air.

It’s a year for obstruction The scene’s like ‘94 Our majority’s near If there’s no new affair So fellas, please zip-up this year, Zip-up, Zip-up this year.

BRIDGE: Maybe it’s more than the war Maybe it’s more than the banks Maybe it’s more than retiring Dems Retirements deserving our thanks! Maybe it’s more than health care Though that really helped raise our stock Maybe the reason we're feeling so swell, Has something to do with Ba-rack!

It’s a grand year for running The GOP's flying high The tea parties show We can beat them with "NO!" While screaming our hearts to the sky!

It’s a grand year for running The scene's like ‘94 Our majority’s near If there’s no new affair So fellas, please zip-up this year Zip-up, zip-up this year Not Born in the USA (from “Born in the USA” by Bruce Springsteen)

I’ve been thinkin' 'bout our prez-e-dent And his liberal pinko commie bent We got a foreigner in the White House now And to all them other foreigners, he takes a bow

He's not born in the USA He's not…born in the USA

His birth certificate's a mystery For all we know he's from Nairobi 'May be from Kenya, I was told last fall I heard it from the Birthers and they know it all

He's not born in the USA He's not…born in the USA

He's got a darn sus-pi-cious middle name Amer-i-cans don't name their kids Hussein He claims Hawaii but the hell I say Hawaii isn't even in the USA

He's not born in the USA He's not …born in the USA.

TEA FOR TWO We’re right, they’re wrong, we’re millions strong With quiet voice, Say no to choice We're not the wing nuts you see on TV.

We can’t abide Obama-crats Kill Fannie Mae Close Freddie Mac We won't bail-out Another freaking thing!

Our revolt is televised It’s Rachel Maddow we despise So next, let's shut down M-S-N-B-C!

The tea party movement, will bring much improvement On taxes and spending, there will be no bending Our dear Constitution says nothing 'bout evolution

Fox News will tote how you will vote And you can note how Fox will gloat When tea parties have spread around the world! We will raise strong families

Adam and Eve, … not Adam and Steve Can’t you see how far right we will be! HOW CAN I MISS YOU (Cheney)

How can we miss you when you won’t go away, Keep telling you day after day, But you won't listen, you only stay and stay, How can we miss you when you won't go away.

When Dubya left office, he rode straight out of town, His mission was accomplished, as they say. We kinda like Dick's daughter so she's welcome to hang on, Just tell your daddy we sure wish that he'd be gone.

We won't forget you, Dick, just please go away, You keep mouthing off, day after day, How can we move on if you only stay and stay? We want to miss you but you won't go away.

When Biden talks to Blitzer, Dick always goes on Fox, He claims Obama's dithering away. It's time to look forward, the party's moving on, Get to your bunker Dick, now hurry, better run!

The fish are biting, so Dick go fish away, Or else go hunting, we'll keep out of your way, A one-way ticket, anyplace, we'll gladly pay, We're gonna miss you, pretty please, go away.

GETTING BACK THE GLITZ

Times were tough, we didn’t know Where our bonuses were to go But we took no hits Now we’re getting’ back the glitz

Come let’s mix where Hampton-iters Weekends go with spend-the-nighters Big time chits Now we’re getting’ back the glitz

Dressed up like George Clooney in a movie Wall Street treats us like we’re really groovy Great guys to be!

Main street woes, why should we care J-P Morgan would never dare Take away our bliss So they gave us back our glitz

Press corps hoped we’d all go broke Thought our woes were just a big joke They should call it quits ‘Cause their business is the pits.

Bought a private jet and flew to Cabo Airline flights for us are just a no-no No pro bono

Times were tough, they didn't know Where their bonuses were to go But they took no hits Now they're getting back the glitz.

YOU WON'T SURVIVE (Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive”) (Rep. Michele Bachman and Sen. Jim DeMint)

We tried to warn the nation; we were petrified. There'd be death panels at the door; your care would be denied. And when they finally pass that bill, you'll see how horrid it will be. ‘Cause Harry Reid could say ‘no’ to your colonoscopy.

You won’t survive; you won’t survive. They say it’s health reform, but we know that's just Democratic jive. So if your arm breaks or your head aches, hey, the doctor’s always in. And there’s a brand-new surgeon general; his name’s Jack Kevorkian.

DeMint: Need an M-D? Go hope and pray, Because the waiting room's now packed, just like the freeways in L-A. Forget the Hippocratic Oath and say good-bye to Medicare. They're gonna pull the plug on granny and recycle her wheelchair.

Bachman: You won't survive; just face the facts. Even John Boehner's odd complexion paled. Hey, blame the tanning tax. So if you need your toe transplanted and your pain makes you say 'Ow!' Just take a number 'cause we're all now in the care of Chairman Mao.

You won't survive; just face the facts. Even John Boehner's odd complexion paled. Hey, blame the tanning tax. So if you need your toe transplanted and your pain makes you say 'Ow!' Just take a number 'cause we're all now in the -- (extended) Care - Of - Chair - Man - Mao.

ORRIN HATCH SONG “Cover of the Rolling Stone,” by Dr. Hook and His Medicine Show

Well he’s a Senate singer, not a Gridiron ringer, he writes tunes by the boatload, He sings about Teddy and he sings about Jews, and he sells out all his shows. He never takes a toke, and he tells real clean jokes, but the thing about Orrin you should know, Is the thrill it would getcha if you saw his picture on the cover of the Rolling Stone.

Rolling Stone. I just want to make the cover. Stone. Be a Mormon heartthrob lover. Stone. I would cast the 60th vote, If they’d put me in the Rolling Stone.

He gave up his dream of joining the Supreme, though he'd like it if the president asked. He reads Scripture on his tour bus, he keeps grape juice in his flask. He'd love to win a Grammy, show up wearin' jammies, he's a rebel don'tcha know, Yet the Orrin you would see, ain't the Orrin who would be, on the cover of the Rolling Stone.

Rolling Stone. Got the Tabernacle in my chorus. Stone. Yeah my music never ever bores us. Stone. I would get the cool kids' vote, on the cover of the Rolling Stone.

Rolling Stone I can sing much better than Jeff Bridges. Stone Got a posse bigger than Tom Ridge's. Stone. I could end the gridlock here, if they'd put me in the Rolling Stone. They put him in the Rolling Stone.

We Are the Champions (from Queen's "We Are the Champions")

I've paid my dues, Sometimes it was tough, To earn bread for tuition, I posed in the buff, Went stumping in Cambridge, I walked a tightrope, Putting thousands of miles on my pickup so I could come here and give you real hope, Oh Scott, dear Scott, we love you Scott.

I am the champion, my friends, With me, we'll take over in ought-10 We are now vital, My daughter should have won Idol, No time for losers, 'Cause I'm the new champion - of this town

Now hold on Scott, You can drop all that spin, Because I went rogue, the people awoke, and that led to your win. A new TV diva, with my smile and my grace, I rally more people, I write best-selling books, just remember your place. Scott, she's right, she’s so far right.

I am the champion, you're not. That loss with McCain, they forgot. (Gestures to side sycophants.) I've got star power, It's my finest hour, Come Scott, run with me, and we'll be the champions - in 0-12.

They think they're champions, my friends They'll keep on fighting till the end They've got star power, their finest hour,

Sarah, I'm with you.

So let's be the champions. Of the world! Bad Case of Mid-Term Blues (Bad Case of Lovin' You/Robert Palmer)

Doctor! Doctor! Spin me some news! We got a bad case of mid-term blues Health bill's made the party ill We got a bad case of mid-term blues!

Iraq! Iran! And Afghanistan! How many pro-o-blems can one party stand! Economy stinks; our poll numbers too Now Evan Bayh our coop has flew

Doctor! Doctor! Spare us the news! We got a bad case of mid-term blues New plight: Massa’s tickle fights We got a bad case of mid-term blues!

Virginia, Jersey and Ted's seat too All went red instead of blue If the jobless rate we can't adjust The unemployed will soon be us.

Doctor! Doctor! Gimme the news! We got a bad case of mid-term blues Health bill is a bitter pill We got a bad case of mid-term blues!

FIRST LADY's GARDEN Michelle Obama's Garden (Tune: Octopus' Garden/Beatles)

I’d rather be… just broc--coli In Michelle Obama’s garden on the lawn Things aren’t so grand…. in West Wing land But Michelle Obama’s garden’s going strong

Her lettuce is so loverl-y-e-e- Too bad we got none at treasury I’d rather be a celery Than the poster boy for saving A-I-G Skipping two verses and going to the orchestral bridge: One of the veggies leads others in calisthenics

That’s her diet Ooh-ooh We should try it Ooh-ooh Ev’n our budget is obese Budget is obese We pass up leaf Ooh-ooh Eat hunks of beef Ooh-ooh Just like this meaty Gridiron feast. Meaty Gridiron feast

We could be so happy and so trim She'd be there to tell us what to do I'd like to be her broccoli In Michelle Obama's garden with you.

In Michelle Obama's garden with you. In Michelle Obama's garden with you.

Battle Hymn of the Departing Democrats (Battle Hymn of the Republic) (Sung by “Tim Kaine”)

Mine eyes have seen the terror of the fleeing quitter Dems

They are streaming out the doorways like a bunch of souls condemned

They are fearful Tea Bag marchers gonna tar and feather them

Farewell majority!

Go, goodbye, good riddance to ya!

Burris, Dodd and Evan Ba-yah!

Kaufman, Dorgan, see ya lat-ah!

Farewell majority!

The Blue Dogs they are running from the House Pelosi built

Our plan to hold Dad's Senate seat by Beau Biden was kilt.

Then even Patrick Kennedy -- (waving his hands in exasperation) Oh, why cry o'er milk that's spilt? Quizzling majority!

Go, goodbye, good riddance to ya! Burris, Dodd and Evan Ba-yah! Kaufman, Dorgan, see ya lat-ah! Traitor majority! Votes for Sale Song “King of the Road” (Lieberman/Nelson)

NELSON Our votes for sale or rent- Otherwise… we’d dissent LIEBERMAN I changed that health care bill Don't call me (the) insurance shill NELSON: Nebraska needed aid So-o-o, I got free Medicaid BOTH: We were Dems with deals, such sweet deals, Kings of the Hill.

LIEBERMAN: Even the White House had to hear us whine Cuz we were numbers 60 and (yep) 59 NELSON: On ev-ery big issue we had special sway We stole the spotlight TOGETHER: And we got our way.

(pause) LIEBERMAN: But now comes this Scotty Brown NELSON: Our price has gone way down BOTH: We're two Dems with deals - now no deals Bums of the Hill Dems with deals - now no deals Bums of the Hill CAROLINA CREEPS (Carolina in the Mornin’)

(Elizabeth Edwards, Jenny Sanford. and that National Enquirer reporter).

“Elizabeth Edwards”: I am feeling finer, dumped that creep from Carolina… this past morning. “Jenny Sanford”: No one could be dumber than that gov'nor bible-thumper…when he's horny. Our two-timing sleazebags Sneakin' out the door Whispering pretty nothings To us they're such a bore

Elizabeth: Naked with his girlie and that smile so pearly, pearly tape was runnin'. Giggles in me bubble up, because I think that cuddle up means money. I have asked Alladin's lamp if it can help, please Let's sell the tapes, and keep royalties. Nothing could be finer than revenge in Carolina Ev'ry mornin'

Jenny: What could be more wacky, phantom walk in Appalachee off his rocker! Strollin’ with his missy, Buenos Aires kissy-kissy such a shocker. Both: We must thank the tabloids For telling us the truth Rumors had been flying Now we have the proof

Reporter: How bout El'yot Spitz-ah, are they sending my poo-LITZ-ah in the mornin? You can’t beat it hands down, politicians with their pants down what a story! You could see John Edwards grin from ear to ear 'til I found out he was Dad of the Year. Nothing could be finer than some sex in my headliner Ev'ry mornin'. Nothing could be finer, sweet revenge in Carolina makes our mornin'. McCaskill song (Girls Just Wanna Have Fun/Cyndi Lauper)

(I) grew up in Rolla M-O. Homecoming queen in red neck sticks where Dems don't grow. We love our beer Our flag, our troops and our guns This girl She just wants to ru-un This girl Is ready to run

I backed Obama early in oh-eight. So what if we couldn't (quite) win the Show-Me state? Oh Barack dear You know you're still No. 1 But (singing to Helen) girl I just wanna ru-unn Oh girl just wanna have- That's all I really wa-a-a-ant To run When Obama's term is done This girl She just wants to ru-un This girl Just wants a big run.

Girl She wants Wants the big run Girl Want the big -- McCaskill: Michelle, she's a beautiful girl And Hillary, she's at State; her beat is the world. Why should they be the ones to have all the fun? My state Needs a new Tru-man My state could use a new- Misso-ou-reeee Could use me-e-e-e

When Obama's term is done This girl Is going to ru-un This girl just wants the big run

(continued) Girl She Wants Wants the big run Girl Wants the big Run

Girl She Wants Wants the big run Girl Wants the big Run See the USA with the TSA, America is standing in a line, Let the TSA see the USA, We’re looking where the sun don't ever shine,

Just take a trip and our jobs are a treasure. We can turn up the lights, And see all your sights, Bust your civil rights, For good measure. So make our day today And let the TSA, Go peeking in the USA

Travelin’ East, travelin’ West Wherever you go our security's best Just be sure whenever you fly There are passengers near you who are big and brave guys.

Don't blame the TSA; it’s the CIA They couldn't spell the Christmas bomber’s name It's not the TSA; it's the CIA That let that underwear get on the plane

In the airport as you cue up for your screening Doff your coats and sweater Your shoes and one better… We think you know just what we're meaning… So make a date today for your nude X-Ray Say thank you to the TSA So make a date today for your nude X-Ray Say thank you to the TSA

Foot in Mouth Caucus Song Tune: What'd I Say?/Ray Charles

BIDEN I am Barack Obama’s biggest fan He is a clean and articulate man All right Hey hey All right Tell me what'd I say

REID President is never incorrect Doesn’t use a Negro dialect All right Hey hey All right Tell me what’d I say

BIDEN Harry, everybody mad at us! REID I don’t get it Joey, what’s the fuss BIDEN All right REID Hey hey BIDEN All right BOTH Tell me what'd I say?

BOTH Tell us what’d we say? (CHORUS: Tell us what’d they say?)

Tell us what'd we say? (Tell us what’d they say?) Tell us what'd we say? (Tell us what’d they say?) Tell us what'd we say? (Tell us what’d they say?) Tell us what'd we say? (Tell us what’d they say?) Yeah! BIDEN (spoken) Hey is that Republican Chairman Michael Steele?

STEELE Hey (Hey), ho (ho), hey (hey), ho (ho), hey (hey), ho (ho), hey

STEELE Yeah it's Michael Steele (CHORUS: Yeah it's Michael Steele) REID Is this guy for real? (Is this guy for real?) BIDEN Chairs the G.O.P.? (Chairs the GOP?) REID And calls Rush crazy (And calls Rush crazy) STEELE Hey I belong in this (He wants to be in this) Foot-in-mouth caucus (Foot-in-mouth caucus)

(continued) (STEELE) My party's in misery Cause of stuff said by little ole me Won't go No way. Uh-uh, I’m here to stay If you let me come sing this ballad I'll bring fried chicken and potato salad Honest Injun What's wrong? Hey hey Tell me what'd I say?

ALL People, what'd we say? (People, what'd they say?) Tell us, what'd we say? (Tell us, what'd they say?) Tell us, what'd we say? (Tell us, what'd they say?) Tell us, what'd we say? (Tell us, what'd they say?) Tell us, what'd we say? (Tell us, what'd they say?) Tell us, what'd we say? (Tell us, what'd they say?)

“Obamahood of Man” (“Brotherhood of Man,” Frank Loesser, from How To Succeed in Business without Really Trying)

Now you may join the G.O.P., and I may join the Donkeys Some may be N-Double-A-C-P, and others just be honkeys. Some may wear a Grecian key, or small, gold Gridiron pin, But the pres’dent says there’s one great club, that all of us are in:

In the O-bama-hood…of man! A benevolent 'bama-hood…of man, A Nobel Prize that binds All human hearts and minds Into one 'bama-hood of man!

They say the bloom is off …the rose Why you ever even wanted this job…God knows! But though you’re in the drink We know you really think There’s still one ‘bama-hood of man!

Now Rahm may seem incompetent, and Gibbs may not make sense. While Axelrod seems quite a waste of government expense. They need a brother's leadership, so, please, don't do them in! Remember, mediocrity is not a mortal sin!

They’re (They’re) In (In) The (The) 'Bama-hood….of man! Dedicated to giving all…..they can And they're still proud to be In that fraternity In the O-bama-hood, of man!

(Spoken) No kiddin’? (Sung) Is there really a 'bama-hood…( Yes, you're a brother!) of man? (You ARE a brother) On the level, a brother hood… of man (Oh, yes, oh yes!) A Nobel Prize that binds All human hearts and minds Into one -bama-hood of man! So what your polls go through the floor? You're the change you've still been wait…ing for If you wind up in the breach (You, you got me) Just make another speech, (Me, I got you-oo, you-oo) Or a splashy movie, like Al Gore!

(continued) Oh, that Nobel feeling Even when you’re reeling, You are still appealing Oh, Bama! You, you got me! Me, I got you-oo, you-oo!

Oh, that Nobel feeling! Even when you’re reeling, You are still appealing Oh, Bama! You, you got me! Me, I got you-oo, you-oo!

Oh, that Nobel feeling Even when you’re reeling, You are still appealing Oh, Bama! You, you got me! Me, I got you-oo, you-oo!

The talking heads can’t count you out Around the world, you’ve still got clout We know you'll run again, And you might even win With the O-bama-hood of man!