Democrats Are in Big Trouble (Billie Jean) He hit the scene in his mom jeans He was so serene He told me Nancy Don’t you worry I am the one Who can raise GDP from the dead He said I am the one Happy days, world peace Are ahead I told the Blue Dogs Don’t be scaredy cats Or flee like rats We’ve got a mandate To spend and tax We are the ones Who can pass anything, just relax Someone forgot to tell me Scott Brown would be a hit And turn us all into populists And no one thought to tell me How quickly we would fade Pushing cap and trade And Nebraska’s Medicaid Democrats are in big trouble We can’t blame Dubya Now that we are the ones And Barack don’t have to run Now that we are the ones Town hall meetings ain't much fun Be careful what you wish for ‘Cause leadership is hard So many things to regulate Thank God for all our spending We’ve got a credit card And we hoped that all that snow Would shut down the CBO Hey, Hey Democrats are in big trouble We’ve got incumbents leaving Congress in mobs But we count those as new jobs All those tea party mobs Make it hard to do my job Democrats are in big trouble Democrats are in big trouble Democrats are in big trouble BEAT IT They told Republicans don’t come around here They wanted us to vote with them or disappear Well I am Mitch McConnell and I made it real clear We’d beat ‘em We’d beat 'em We couldn't do much but we had to save face While Limbaugh and Glen Beck were riling up our base So we used filibusters to slow down the pace Can’t beat it We don’t have to play fair Just beat it, beat it beat it Say we don’t have time to read it Hold nominations, dig up some dirt Make them get cloture until it's absurd Just beat it, beat it Just beat it, beat it Just beat it beat it Just beat it beat it Don’t ask for our solutions, we’re not playing that game It's easier to criticize and fix the blame We chased off Dodd and Bayh and Byron what's-his-name We beat ‘em, And watch out John McCain Just Beat it, beat it beat it We will just say no, defeat it We left Obama one giant mess That is the secret to our success Just beat beat it Just beat it, beat it Just beat it, beat it Just beat it Beat it! Just beat it! Black and White (Black or White) A DC ballroom on a Saturday night The mighty Gridiron turning 125 We’ve abandoned some traditions We’ve got TV stars who don’t even write But men who come to Gridiron Still have to wear a tie that’s white We blog and twitter and we shoot video But we’re still looking for a way to make dough You got Kindles, I-Pads, netbooks Every fancy way to read megabytes But the only people paying are the ones Who read in black and white It’s black and white And meg- abytes It’s black and white Let’s us survive Its black and white Our suits? Too bright! Our club - All right One twen-ty five So welcome to the Gridiron We hope that you’re not here all night So welcome to the Gridiron We hope that you're not here all night. It’s A Grand Year for Running (from State Fair: “It’s A Grand Night for Singing”) It’s a grand year for running The GOP's flying high The tea parties show We can beat them with “NO!” While screaming our hearts to the sky! It’s a grand year for running The stars are all aligned Rush Limbaugh’s a-glow Glen Beck adds to the show We think we can clean-up this year, Clean-up, clean-up this year. It’s a grand year to block things Pelosi’s running scared We'll stop cap and trade Rain on their parade ‘Cause Palin is now on the air. It’s a year for obstruction The scene’s like ‘94 Our majority’s near If there’s no new affair So fellas, please zip-up this year, Zip-up, Zip-up this year. BRIDGE: Maybe it’s more than the war Maybe it’s more than the banks Maybe it’s more than retiring Dems Retirements deserving our thanks! Maybe it’s more than health care Though that really helped raise our stock Maybe the reason we're feeling so swell, Has something to do with Ba-rack! It’s a grand year for running The GOP's flying high The tea parties show We can beat them with "NO!" While screaming our hearts to the sky! It’s a grand year for running The scene's like ‘94 Our majority’s near If there’s no new affair So fellas, please zip-up this year Zip-up, zip-up this year Not Born in the USA (from “Born in the USA” by Bruce Springsteen) I’ve been thinkin' 'bout our prez-e-dent And his liberal pinko commie bent We got a foreigner in the White House now And to all them other foreigners, he takes a bow He's not born in the USA He's not…born in the USA His birth certificate's a mystery For all we know he's from Nairobi 'May be from Kenya, I was told last fall I heard it from the Birthers and they know it all He's not born in the USA He's not…born in the USA He's got a darn sus-pi-cious middle name Amer-i-cans don't name their kids Hussein He claims Hawaii but the hell I say Hawaii isn't even in the USA He's not born in the USA He's not …born in the USA. TEA FOR TWO We’re right, they’re wrong, we’re millions strong With quiet voice, Say no to choice We're not the wing nuts you see on TV. We can’t abide Obama-crats Kill Fannie Mae Close Freddie Mac We won't bail-out Another freaking thing! Our revolt is televised It’s Rachel Maddow we despise So next, let's shut down M-S-N-B-C! The tea party movement, will bring much improvement On taxes and spending, there will be no bending Our dear Constitution says nothing 'bout evolution Fox News will tote how you will vote And you can note how Fox will gloat When tea parties have spread around the world! We will raise strong families Adam and Eve, … not Adam and Steve Can’t you see how far right we will be! HOW CAN I MISS YOU (Cheney) How can we miss you when you won’t go away, Keep telling you day after day, But you won't listen, you only stay and stay, How can we miss you when you won't go away. When Dubya left office, he rode straight out of town, His mission was accomplished, as they say. We kinda like Dick's daughter so she's welcome to hang on, Just tell your daddy we sure wish that he'd be gone. We won't forget you, Dick, just please go away, You keep mouthing off, day after day, How can we move on if you only stay and stay? We want to miss you but you won't go away. When Biden talks to Blitzer, Dick always goes on Fox, He claims Obama's dithering away. It's time to look forward, the party's moving on, Get to your bunker Dick, now hurry, better run! The fish are biting, so Dick go fish away, Or else go hunting, we'll keep out of your way, A one-way ticket, anyplace, we'll gladly pay, We're gonna miss you, pretty please, go away. GETTING BACK THE GLITZ Times were tough, we didn’t know Where our bonuses were to go But we took no hits Now we’re getting’ back the glitz Come let’s mix where Hampton-iters Weekends go with spend-the-nighters Big time chits Now we’re getting’ back the glitz Dressed up like George Clooney in a movie Wall Street treats us like we’re really groovy Great guys to be! Main street woes, why should we care J-P Morgan would never dare Take away our bliss So they gave us back our glitz Press corps hoped we’d all go broke Thought our woes were just a big joke They should call it quits ‘Cause their business is the pits. Bought a private jet and flew to Cabo Airline flights for us are just a no-no No pro bono Times were tough, they didn't know Where their bonuses were to go But they took no hits Now they're getting back the glitz. YOU WON'T SURVIVE (Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive”) (Rep. Michele Bachman and Sen. Jim DeMint) We tried to warn the nation; we were petrified. There'd be death panels at the door; your care would be denied. And when they finally pass that bill, you'll see how horrid it will be.