Learner's Minyan

Learner’s Minyan – Family Purity and Modesty

Mishna Ketubot 5:6 – Details frequency a husband is obligated to provide wife sexual pleasure  Judaism sees sex favorably, as a Holy obligation based on Mitzva Pria uR’via – being fruitful and multiplying.

Mishna1 Yoma 8:9 - Rabbi Akiba says “Happy are you Israel! Before whom do you make yourselves pure? Before your Father in Heaven. As it is written: “The mikvah (hope) of Israel is God (Jer 17:13). Just as the mikva makes clean those who are unclean, the Holy One makes Israel clean.”

It must be noted that clean or pure, unclean or impure, refer to states of ritual purity. A person must be ritually pure to handle holy items, enter the Mikdash (Miskhan or Temple), eat Priestly food, or in the case of a woman, have sex.

Klein2 observes that in Judaism we maintain a balance between the sexual depravity of Canaanites and Romans on one hand and the Puritanism of Christianity on the other hand. This is consistent with Rambam Hil’ Deot, where he

1 A Guide to Jewish Religious Practice. Klein, I. NY: The Jewish Theological Seminary of America. 1992. Pp. 510 ff. 2 Ibid.

1 Learner’s Minyan – Family Purity and Modesty writes that all except for the highest Tzaddik – righteous person – must strive for a Beinoni or Middle of the Road existence.

In Judaism this is expressed in the laws of Taharat Ha Mishpaha – Family Purity. We find in Torah:

ויק' יב:א וַיְ ַד ֵּבר ה' ֶאל-מ ֹ ֶשה ֵּלאמ ֹר: ב ַד ֵּבר ֶאל- ְבנֵּי יִ ְש ֹ ָר ֵּאל ֵּלאמ ֹר ִא ָשה ִכי ַתזְ ִרי ַע וְיָ ְל ָדה זָ ָכר וְ ָט ְמָאה ִש ְב ַעת יָ ִמים ִכי ֵּמי נִ ַדת ְדֹו ָתּה ִת ְט ָמא: ג ּו ַבּיֹום ַה ְש ִמינִי יִּמֹול ְב ַש ֹר ָע ְר ָלתֹו: ד ּו ְשֹל ִשים יֹום ּו ְשֹל ֶשת יָ ִמים ֵּת ֵּשב ִב ְד ֵּמי ָט ֳה ָרה ְב ָכל- שקֹדֶ ֹלא- ִת ָגע וְ ֶאל- ַה ִּמ ְק ָדש ֹלא ָתב ֹא ַעד- ְמֹלאת יְ ֵּמי ָט ֳה ָרּה: ה וְ ִאם-נְ ֵּק ָבה ֵּת ֵּלד וְ ָט ְמָאה ְש ֻב ַעיִם ְכנִ ָד ָתּה וְ ִש ִשים יֹום וְ ֵּש ֶשת יָ ִמים ֵּת ֵּשב ַעל- ְד ֵּמי ָט ֳה ָרה:

God spoke to Moses saying, speak to the Israelites saying when that a pregnant bears a son, she shall be impure for seven days as in her period. On the eighth day he shall be circumcised. She shall be considered impure from her blood for 33 days; she shall touch no Holy items and shall not enter the Mikdash (Tent of Meeting/Temple) until completed the days of purification. If she bears a girl, she shall be impure for two weeks as in her period, and for 66 days she shall be impure from her blood.

ויק' טו: יט וְ ִא ָשה ִכי- ִת ְהיֶה זָ ָבה ָדם יִ ְהיֶה ז ֹ ָבּה ִב ְב ָש ֹ ָרּה ִש ְב ַעת יָ ִמים ִת ְהיֶה ְבנִ ָד ָתּה וְ ָכל- ַהנ ֹ ֵּג ַע ָבּה יִ ְט ָמא ַעד- ָה ָע ֶרב: כ וְכ ֹל ֲא ֶשר ִת ְש ַכב ָע ָליו ְבנִ ָד ָתּה יִ ְט ָמא וְכ ֹל ֲא ֶשר- ֵּת ֵּשב ָע ָליו יִ ְט ָמא: כא וְ ָכל- ַהנ ֹ ֵּג ַע ְב ִמ ְש ָכ ָבּה יְ ַכ ֵּבס Rabbi Jaron Matlow MAJEd/JS © 2012/5772

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ְב ָג ָדיו וְ ָר ַחץ ַב ַּמיִם וְ ָט ֵּמא ַעד-הָעָרֶ ב: כב וְכָל- ַהנ ֹ ֵּג ַע ְב ָכל- ְכ ִלי ֲא ֶשר- ֵּת ֵּשב ָע ָליו יְ ַכ ֵּבס ְב ָג ָדיו וְ ָר ַחץ ַב ַּמיִם וְ ָט ֵּמא ַעד- ָה ָע ֶרב: כג וְ ִאם ַעל- ַה ִּמ ְש ָכב הּוא אֹו ַעל- ַה ְכ ִלי ֲא ֶשר- ִהוא ישֶ בֶת-עָלָיו בְנָגְעֹו-בֹו יִ ְט ָמא ַעד- ָה ָע ֶרב: כד וְ ִאם ָשכ ֹב יִ ְש ַכב ִאיש א ֹ ָתּה ּו ְת ִהי נִ ָד ָתּה ָע ָליו וְ ָט ֵּמא ִש ְב ַעת יָ ִמים וְ ָכל- ַה ִּמ ְש ָכב אֲשֶ ר-יִ ְש ַכב ָע ָליו יִ ְט ָמא:

A woman who has her period shall be considered of impure flesh for seven days; anything she touches is impure until evening. Everything she lies or sits on while impure shall be considered impure. Anyone who touches her bedding shall launder their clothes, wash (their body) in water and be impure until evening. Anyone who touches what she sits on shall launder their clothes, wash (their body) in water and be impure until evening. And if he is on her bed or seat and it touches him he shall be impure until evening. And if a man has sex with a woman in her period, he shall be impure seven days, and anything he lies on will be impure.

ויק' יח: יט וְאֶל- ִא ָשה ְבנִ ַדת ֻט ְמָא ָתּה ֹלא ִת ְק ַרב ְל ַגלֹות ֶע ְרוָ ָתּה: כ וְ ֶאל- ֵּא ֶשת ֲע ִמי ְתָך ֹלא- ִת ֵּתן ְש ָכ ְב ְתָך ְלזָ ַרע ְל ָט ְמָאה-בָּה:

A man shall not approach a woman in the impurity of her period, to have sex.

ויק' כ: יח וְ ִאיש אֲשֶ ר-יִ ְש ַכב אֶת- ִא ָשה דָ וָה וְ ִג ָלה אֶת-עֶרְ וָתָ ּה אֶת-מְ קֹרָ ּה הֶעֱרָ ה וְ ִהוא ִג ְל ָתה אֶת- ְמקֹור ָד ֶמי ָה וְנִ ְכ ְרתּו ְשנֵּי ֶהם ִמ ֶק ֶרב ַע ָּמם:

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A man who has sex with a woman in her period, has uncovered her nakedness and reveals her blood source; she has revealed her blood source; they shall be cut off from among their people.

These verses show the Taboo that is associated with vaginal, specifically uterine, blood. This is not unlike the Torah’s view of the blood of food animals – we are prohibited from consuming it because it is the life source. So too with vaginal blood – whether from the period, from childbirth, from first intercourse. Only blood from a vaginal injury not related to these is considered exempt from the laws of Niddah – the separation of the woman who is bleeding.

Shulhan Orekh Yoreh Deah 187ff deals with laws of Taharat Ha Mishpaha. There we find at least 11 specific ,the menstruant – נידה laws, dealing with defining the – הלכות and what the limitations on her are. The biggest thing that the law, adds, is that a woman must be free from – הלכה the any bleeding for seven days, and then go to the Mikvah, before she may resume marital relations. Please see the source sheet for the detailed laws.

This discussion presumes traditional marriage; nonetheless the woman is subject to these laws even if in a non-married relationship.

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This system of purity obligations on a woman are from the Torah and cannot be explained through scientific thoughts such as hygiene. They are a part of Jewish life as much as Shabbat and Kashrut are. Liberal Jews may scoff at these laws, but there is certainly benefit such as allowing a woman to rest and have control over herself and her body.

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Modesty – צניות Hallmarks of or Modesty, as a very ,צניות Traditional Judaism views the -מחיצה important value. We are all familiar with the separation between men and women in synagogue.

ב( במוצאי יום טוב הראשון של חג, ירדו Mishna Sukka 5:2 At the end of the first day of .לעזרת נשים, ומתקנין שם תקון גדול Sukkot, they (the Priests and Levites) descended into the women’s courtyard and made a great improvement. The Artscroll Mahzor Sukko3t notes that this improvement was a balcony so that the women could view the festivities in the Temple, without men looking at them and being frivolous. This is the origin of the modern Mehitza in traditional congregations.

As already stated, Rambam, in Hil Deot, 1:2, teaches that we are obligated to find a middle ground in our life, to avoid extremes to either end of the spectrum.

One such extreme of great concern was undue familiarity between men and women who are not married to each other. The fear was that Kalot Rosh or frivolity would lead to Adultery, one of the Ten Commandments, and

6 Learner’s Minyan – Family Purity and Modesty considered to be a sin against God, not against the husband of the married wife.

Note that traditional Judaism did not prohibit polygamy until Rabbeinu Gershom, the Light of the Exile, proclaimed a decree against it in the 10th Cent CE. This was likely to appease the Church. Bottom line – a man could have multiple wives but a woman could not have multiple husbands – the biggest practical issue of course was paternity, before the era of DNA testing. Maternity, of course, in the traditional view, is never in question.

Rabbi Hayim Halevy Donin, in his well-known work To Be A Jew4, provides specific guidelines for the traditional Jew surrounding modesty.

These generally fall into categories such as:

1. Modest attire 2. Modest speech 3. Avoiding obscene language or gestures 4. Avoiding obscene media such as TV, movies, music

4 Pp. 139-40

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5. Married woman not in a room with a man who isn’t her husband – Marit HaAyin – appearances! 6. Sexual relations must be limited to the marital bed.

Conclusion:

Family Purity, and ,תהרת המשפחה In both the case of ’Modesty, we are guided by the rule of Rambam Hil ,צניות ,or intermediate existence בינוני Deiot 1:2 to maintain a avoiding extremes of behavior.

These two categories are directly related to sexual relations. Traditional Judaism sees that sexual relations must be only between husband and wife. In addition, there are rules surrounding ritual purity. As mentioned the Taboo in Judaism around blood very much guides our lives.

תהרת The basic reason we are concerned with both Modesty comes from ,צניות Family Purity, and ,המשפחה Torah, Lev. 19:1:

ְקד ִשים ִת ְהיּו ִכי קָ דֹוש ֲאנִי ה' אֱֹלקיכֶם

You shall be holy, because I, H’ your God, am Holy.

Shabbat shalom