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No. OUR PRICE 109 March 30c 67 CHEAP nil .-#» HERE'S ONE "HANG-UP // YOU'LL LOVE! MOBILE THE FOURTH ANNUAL COLLECTION OF BLUNDERS, BOMBS, ACTS OF IDIOCY, AND OTHER... MAD FOLLIES YOU GET IT FREE! IIS THE FULL-COLOR CUT-OUT Bonus in 'MAD FOLLIES' OUR LATEST ANNUAL ON SALE NOW! NUMBER 109 MARCH 1967 "Efficiency Experts are smart enough to tell you how to run your business, and too smart to start one of their own!" —Alfred E. Neuman WILLIAM M. GAINES publisher ALBERT B. FELDSTEIN editor JOHN PUTNAM art director LEONARD BRENNER production JERRY DE FUCCIO, NICK MEGLiN associate editors MARTIN j. SCHEIMAN lawsuits GLORIA ORLANDO, CELIA MORELLI, RICHARD GKILLO Subscriptions CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERS the usual gang of idiots DEPARTMENTS BERGS-EYE VIEW DEPARTMENT The Lighter Side Of Arguments 16 DON MARTIN DEPARTMENT In The Locker Room 14 Downtown 31 EDITORIAL WHEEZE DEPARTMENT Various Mags Handle The Same Cartoon Situation 38 FINGER PAINTING DEPARTMENT Cop Art 48 GRADUATING CRASS DEPARTMENT Correspondence Schools For Obnoxious People 11 HOLLYWOOD AND VINES DEPARTMENT Doc Tari (A MAD TV Satire) 43 JOKE AND DAGGER DEPARTMENT Spy Vs. Spy 23. 34 LETTERS DEPARTMENT Random Samplings Of Reader Mail 2 MAD TAKES PLEASURE IN PRESENTING DEPARTMENT Announcements For Everything 20 MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT Drawn-Out Dramas by Sergio Aragones ** NO ONE OVER 18 ... DEPARTMENT Who In Heck Is Virginia Woolf? (A MAD Movie Satire) 4 SISS-BOOM-BLAH! DEPARTMENT School Songs For Everyday Activities 35 SPOOKING FROM PICTURES DEPARTMENT Horrifying Cliches 32 THE BRAIN AND STRAIN IS MAINLY ON THE WANE DEPT. Idiot-Proof Products 26 WILD PITCHES DEPARTMENT Advertising Endorsements We'll Never Get To See 40 YOU GOTTA HAVE A STRONG CONSTITUTION DEPARTMENT The Preamble-Re-Visited 24 **Various Places Around The Magazine MAD-Morch 1967 Vol. I, Number 109, is published monthly except February, May, August and No vember, by E. C. Publications, Inc., 485 MADison Avenue, New York, N. Y. 10022. Second Class Post age paid at New York, N. Y. Subscriptions: In the U.S.A., 21 issues $5.00. Outside U.S.A., 21 issues $6.25. Allow 8 weeks for change of address to become effective. Entire contents copyright C 1966 by E. C. Publications, Inc. The Publisher and Editors will not be responsible for unsolicited manuscripts and request all manuscripts be accompanied by a stamped self-addressed return envelope. The names of characters used in all MAD fiction and semi-fiction ore fictitious. A similarity without satiric purpose to a living person is a coincidence. Printed in U.S.A. DO YOU LACK LETTERS DEPT. "THE MAD SHOW" SCORES AGAIN OFFICE OF THE MAYOR SHELF-ESTEEM? THE CITY OF NEW YORK Editor, MAD Magazine 485 Madison Avenue New York, New York Dear Sir: I have long maintained that the polit ical wars of New York City are won on BOLSTER IT WITH ANY OR ALL the playing fields of Central Park. I was, "SAVAGE SOCIETY & GREAT SOCIETY" therefore, dismayed when one of the finest teams in football history, the "Lindsay TWENTY-EIGHT Max Brandel's pictorial comparison of Lancers," was recently upset 13-2 by a —>v— "The Savage Society" with "The Great So team from "The MAD Show." To correct ciety" was brilliant. But one question: this error and re-establish their national How did he get the MAD Staff to pose reputation, the "Lindsay Lancers" hereby 5~Z. for those pictures of "The Savage So challenge the "MAD Show" team to a re ciety?" match. Tom Scullin John V. Lindsay PAPERBACK BOOKS Hubbard, Ohio Mayor ON SALE AT YOUR FAVORITE BOOK STAND "THE MAD SHOW" The other day, I saw your new revue, -OR YOURS BY MAIL FOR 50c EACH "The MAD Show." I think it is one of the —————use coupon or duplicate———— best new shows of the season. The cast was marvelous, the music was enjoyable, and the sketches were terrific. My congratula MAD tions to writers Larry Siegel and Stan Hart 485 MADison Avenue, and to composer Mary Rodgers. The en tire show was like the pages of MAD New York, N. Y. 10022 come alive. Pat yourselves on the back. Neil Posner PLEASE SEND ME Hollis Hills, N. Y. • The MAD Reader "The MAD Show," currently appear D MAD Strikes Back ing at the New Theater in New York, is • Inside MAD truly "theater of the absurd"! Congratula • Utterly MAD tions! I hope it runs forever! D The Brothers MAD Kate Cone Mayor Lindsay breaks through MAD Upper Montclair, N. J. D The Bedside MAD blocking during big upset game. • Son of MAD ' I'm going back to see it again. • The Organization MAD Maryann Lopinto • Like MAD Brooklyn, N. Y. D The Ides of MAD D Fighting MAD • The MAD Frontier I've read the fabulous reviews of "The • MAD in Orbit MAD Show" and would like to know if • The Voodoo MAD there is any chance it will ever play Cleve land. • Greasy MAD Stuff Michael Brandman • Three Ring MAD Cleveland, Ohio • Self-Made MAD • The MAD Sampler Who knows? "The MAD Show" currently • World, World, etc. MAD has a New York company appearing at D Raving MAD "The New Theatre" and a Chicago com D Boiling MAD pany appearing at "The Happy Medium". • DON MARTIN Steps Out In the planning stage is a San Francisco • DON MARTIN Bounces Back company, a Boston company and a College Mayor Lindsay congratulates Capt. Stan • DON MARTIN Drops 13 Stories Tour company! Ed. Hart of "The MAD Show Team" on its win. • DAVE BERG Looks At The U.S.A. D DAVE BERG Looks At People STATEMENT OF OWNERSHIP, MANAGE more of total amount of stock.) E. C. Publica D The All-New SPY vs. SPY MENT AND CIRCULATION (Act of October tions, Inc. 485 Madison Ave. NYC 10022; Na • A MAD Look at Old Movies 23, 1962; Section 4369, Title 39, United States tional Periodical Publications, Inc., J. S. Liebo- Code; 1. Date of filing: Oct. 1, 1966. 2. Title of wltz, P. H. Sampliner, Irwin Donenfeld, S. U. Publication: MAD. 3. Frequency of issue: Monthly Sampliner, Sonia Mondschein, Estate of Harry I ENCLOSE SOC FOR EACH except Feb., May, August, & Nov. 4. Location of Donenfeld—all of 575 Lexington Ave. NYC 10022. Known Office of Publication: 485 Madison Ave 8. Known bondholders, mortgagees, and other security holders owning or holding 1 percent or NAME. nue NYC 10022. S. Location of the Headquarters or General Business Offices of the Publishers: more of total amount of bonds, mortgages or 485 Madison Avenue NYC 10022. 6. Names and other securities: None. 9. Paragraphs 7 and 8 ADDRESS. Addresses of Publisher, Editor, and Managing include. In cases where the stockholder or secur Editor: Publisher: William M. Galnes~485 Madi ity holder appears upon the books of the com CITY son Ave. NYC 10022; Editor: Albert B. Feldstein pany as trustee or In any other fiduciary relation, —485 Madison Ave. NYC 10022; Managing Edi the name of the person or corporation for whom STATE .ZIP-CODE. tor: None. 7. Owner (If owned by a corporation, such trustee Is acting, also the statements in the AN ABSOLUTE MUST its name and address must be stated and also two paragraphs show the affiant's full knowl Immediately thereunder the names and addresses edge and belief as to the circumstances and con We cannot be responsible for cash lost or stolen in of sfockho/ders owning or holding I percent or ditions under which stockholders and security the mails. Cheek or Money Order preferred! On orders Outside the U.S.A. be sure to add 10% Extra! "HELLO, LYNDON!" "PROTEST MAGAZINE" "Hello, Lyndon" has got to be the best My congratulations to Larry Siegel and piece of literary genius that has ever been George Woodbridge for the slyest, wit printed in your magazine. Larry Siegel tiest, sharpest, billion-pound thrust at and Mort Drucker had me rolling on the Protest Groups that will ever be launched. floor with laughter. It was long overdue. Bill Milligan Carol Altes University of South Carolina Craig, Colorado "Hello, Lyndon" was tremendous. It Never in my life have I read such an ranks with such all-time greats as "East inflammatory and thoroughly disgusting Side Story" and "A MAD Guide to Rus satire as your "Hello, Lyndon—or—My sia." Your brilliant satire mentioned Viet Fair Lady Bird!" Your inept writers have nam and other topics which will un made fools of the President, the Vice- doubtedly draw down upon your head the President, and Senator Kennedy. I cannot wrath and letters of many small-minded imagine how anyone can, in these perilous people. And your "Protest Magazine" was times, stoop to such tactics. There aren't also devastating. Having joined the local words to describe the contempt I feel for campus "activist" group, I know that the you in printing this ridiculous article. most important function of such a group Michael H. Arnold is the re-evaluation of its aims and the Ada, Ohio means used to obtain its goals. Don't let your honest and objective voice be drowned out by the thousands of angry Bravo on your "Hello, Lyndon" article. letters you'll probably get from that I was one of the few lucky ones to get a quarter. copy of the issue before the CIA. confis Mark Trueblood cated them all from the newsstands. Will Brown University you be able to furnish re-prints of this piece before LB J dissolves your company? By 1968, I'm sure all Democratic candi "Protest Magazine" is just one more in dates will want copies to hand out.