SpeakOut! Spring 2013 | 1 Writing Journal Spring 2013 “All these words come back to you A refracted image of me” ~Benjamin K.~ TABLE OF CONTENTS Special Thanks…………………………………………………………………… 3 Introduction, “The Answer Lies Within the Words”..…………. 4 Writers and Artists Alan J…………………………. 7 Katie W……………………… 41 Alicia R………………………. 11 Krista T……………………….. 64 Allie T………………………… 12 L.A. Hwy (Papa)………….. 65 Alonzo A……………………. 17 Lil C……………………………. 69 Amanda N………………….. 18 Lil Savage One……………. 72 Ant…………………………….. 18 Linda G………………………. 74 Anthony H…………………. 20 M.B……………………………. 75 Antidote…………………….. 21 Mikey’s Girl………………… 84 April G……………………….. 23 Monique…………………….. 100 Ben C…………………………. 25 Natty the Lion…………….. 85 Benjamin K………………… 27 Nikki W………………………. 91 Blue…………………………… 31 Poison Ivy…………………… 93 Bob K…………………………. 33 R. Raven Lee……………….. 93 Bonnie R…………………….. 43 R.L………………………………. 101 Bridget C……………………. 48 Reece N……………………… 101 Broox…………………………. 48 Renevatio…………………… 103 Collaborative……………… 5 Ricky B……………………….. 109 CrazyKaity………………….. 51 Robert L……………………… 116 Dante L………………………. 52 Rosie………………………….. 116 David S………………………. 53 Ryan…………………………… 118 Dino C………………………… 55 Samsara……………………… 119 Donna S……………………… 56 Sara D………………………… 120 Elisabeth W………………… 56 Shaggy……………………….. 122 Fabrizio………………………. 57 Shawn M……………………. 122 Faith M………………………. 58 Sky 970………………………. 124 Felicia C……………………… 59 SnowBunny………………… 126 Felicia W…………………….. 60 Stephanie M………………. 128 Jessica M……………………. 61 Steph D………………………. 130 Joe H………………………….. 62 Thomas A…………………… 134 Jonica………………………… 62 Victoria G…………………… 135 Juztice……………………….. 63 WatsHerName…………… 136 WhiteKnight………………. 73, 144 SpeakOut! Spring 2013 | 3 SpeakOut! Writing Workshop January through May, 2013 Every Wednesday and Thursday night for the past 14 weeks, a group of men and a group of women at the Larimer County Detention Center spent an hour and a half of their time participating in a writing workshop facilitated by Tobi Jacobi, Lauren Alessi, Emma Steward, Liz, Elise, and Jim. Adding to this diverse chorus are two youth writing groups from Turning Point’s Boys House and Girls House, facilitated by Talisha Haltiwanger, Edward Wells, Steph B., Elliott, Tricia, Alex, and Katie. Throughout the semester, creative energy poured through the fingertips of these prolific writers and onto the page. Male, female, youth and adult, each writer brought a unique style and voice to the works within. All four groups explored a variety of creative writing forms: fiction, nonfiction, form, freestyle, and experimental poetry. Also contained within these pages are artwork pieces created by residents at the Larimer County Detention Center and participants at Turning Point. This is a collection of their work, a unified voice that reaches out into the future and tells us all that perhaps, through the power of creativity, they give us access to what’s inside their minds and their hearts. A very special thanks to Dianne Bacorn, the Larimer County Detention Center and the CSU Center for Community Literacy for providing staff and material support. Thanks to the Turning Point Center for Youth and Family Development. We would also like to give heartfelt thanks to the Duncan Charitable Trust, the Erion Foundation, and the Gannett Foundation for their grant support. We give special thanks to Gorham Publishers for their unconditional and much valued assistance in bringing this journal to the level of publication that our writers deserve. Winning Cover Art Artist: Ricky B. Back Cover Writers: Fabrizio, Juztice, Little Savage One, Reece N., Poison Ivy, Sara D., Thomas A., WatsHerName Attention SpeakOut! Writers! For writers involved in the SpeakOut! Writing Workshop, you may continue to submit and publish your work through the SpeakOut! 2.0 website: http://speakoutclc.wordpress.com 4 | SpeakOut! Spring 2013 “The Answer Lies Within the Words” Within these words lie answers to questions we haven't yet asked. Questions about how incarceration contributes to a better world. Questions about family and loss and the pain of reconciliation or a lack thereof. Questions about hope and how to find it. Questions about love and lost love and reclaimed love. One must always make time for introspection. Often the answers lie within the words that are spilled out on paper and most of our writers find release and understanding through the act of writing. Understanding that "The Answer Lies Within the Words" may be a step toward a powerful peace. The words that come together from these four writing workshops are stronger together than they would be apart. They house a treasure trove of insight about what it means to live and fail and thrive and grow in the spring of 2013. They reveal something important about why words and their circulation speak to the very core of who we are as human beings, as citizens of a shared planet. In a time when national and international news rarely delivers stories of human kindness and success, we look to our own narratives to find solace, to find humor, joy, and the restoration that the imagination and creativity can sometimes deliver The answer lies within the words. These words. This issue. This spring. For 14 weeks this spring, writers from all backgrounds came together through the SpeakOut! Writing Workshops. Writers came with their own set of experiences, motivated by the will to articulate their thoughts, lives, dreams, and passions. Once a week, we wrote and shared poetry (from freeform to experimental), short stories, plays, and other pieces of writing inspired by our life struggles, joy, and by each other. We also utilized examples of published works by writers both foreign and domestic, classic and modern: Fort Collins Poet Laureate, Jason Hardung, Sandra Cisneros, Sonya Sanchez, Raphael Casal, Jamaica Kinkaid, Fran Climato (DJ Groove Cereal), Langston Hughes, Def Jam poets Black Ice, and Gemineye to name a few. Each session opened with writers reading their work and closed with writers submitting work for feedback and publication in the spring 2013 Journal. The primary philosophy of the SpeakOut! writing program is that every person has a story to tell; each has words that are valuable and necessary. We encourage each writer to tell his/her own story and represent personal experiences on paper. This work takes the form of individual and collaborative writings. The SpeakOut! Writing Workshops focus on enacting change through writing experiences and the circulation of this journal along Colorado's Northern Front Range. Writers worked across four sites to title this issue, “The Answer Lies Within the Words,” which speaks to the power of narrative. The volume explores many issues such as recovery, love won and lost, anguish, strength, justice and hope. Through the sharing of work, participants demonstrated an incredibly proficient and sophisticated grasp of technique and craft. Furthermore, these artists allowed us, the facilitators, into their world, showing us all that a barrier of bars isn't an accurate indicator of identity. The work itself exhibits a level of humanity frequently overlooked and ignored, work that often reflects the crucial moments and decisions that ultimately altered the course of these writers' lives. This book is dedicated to writers past and present at the Larimer County Detention Center and Turning Point and to women and men across our globe who struggle against oppression, poverty, abuse, and gender discrimination by creating and publishing their stories, poems, essays, and artwork. Want to Contribute to the SpeakOut! Writing Program? Please visit our website for more information: http://csuclc.wordpress.com/donate/ SpeakOut! Spring 2013 | 5 Collaborative To Be Man LCDC Men’s Group I am an animal, gentleman, scholar. I am a songwriter, vagabond, minstrel. I am a husband, father, provider. I am a father, son, brother, husband, uncle and friend. I am a delicate flower inside a machine, a force, an encyclopedia of useless sports information. To be a man is primal, cunning…brave, caring, strong… a testament of endurance. It is not ADHD, its multi-capable. To be a man is hard, never ending work. To be a man is true, strong, dependable, loving, kind, caring, trusting, loyal, and forgiving. To be a man is a constant game of king of the hill. To be a man is dirty fingernails, knowing what animal makes the best jerky, and having a tie for every occasion. To be a man in love is awkwardly dumbstruck, carelessly vulnerable, recklessly naïve. To be a man in love is every man’s dream. But you have to be confident, manly, strong, but mostly you are confused to the point you ask yourself what did I get myself into. To be a man in love is to be ruled by passion that’s inconsistent with logic and reason. To be a man in love is joyful, never ending miracle, a test. To be a man in love is to be willing to love 100% unconditionally, give to get yet doing it all unselfishly and above all to give the respect you wish to receive. To be a man in love is to open my heart, to care to listen. Always being by his side through thick and thin. Knowing when to shut my mouth and allow the barrage of his day to take me like a tidal wave, to then turn around and hold him and know that he is loved. To watch a friend walk away and go to a place I’d rather not be. To be a man in love is putting her first, not having cereal for dinner, learning what aisle “feminine products” are on. To be a man in love is terrifying, will she break my heart? Am I good enough? Will I grow old alone? You never listen to me! I am confidently lost. I have a huge heart wanting to be loved. To be in love is to be on fire. Don’t cry. I am tough outside, I am strong physically but not emotionally. You can crush me with 5 little words, “I don’t love you anymore.” A man in love is a Neolithic charcoal cave painting depicting the epic hunt for a mastodon.