Ensō • Issue 10, Spring 2012 Bucks County Aikido Journal BucksCountyAikido.com•802 New Galena Rd., Doylestown PA 18901•(215) 249-8462

Ha by George Lyons

You may love Aikido now but you are headed for a crisis. And when yours arrives you will probably quit. So there you go. The hard news is out and you can’t say I didn’t tell you so. You might say, “I’m ready… bring it on.” But here’s the thing; your crisis will be uniquely yours, tailor made and targeted right at your blind spot. Damn! If only you could learn this swim but refusing to give up. Add to feel that way. Suffering has many without any of that. It’s such a beau- this that instead of one boat there is forms and when it comes as confu- tiful art, so noble and high minded, a whole fleet, some insist on rowing sion its pretty unsettling. Check in wonderful ideas to hear and think alone, while others work together, with yourself and listen. Confusion about. Embody? Even better! lots of boats, lots of ropes, lots of should not be mistaken for being The traditional way of organizing swimming… chaos! off track. There’s a difference and around this practice is so orderly. When you reach the point in your knowing what it is, is so important Lining up in straight lines, the rit- training where you see more, when as to be the central issue of our lives. uals, the forms, can give the idea things are not as simple as they used Hanging onto a trailing rope, the there is a promised land where all to be, it’s natural to long for the days idea of letting go comes to mind. things are as they should be and all of innocent practice. Back when It takes no effort, you release your peoples and problems understood. someone could tell you how to do it grip and the noise of all the boats, The Zen metaphor of rowing to this right and you could look forward to all these people, move away and other shore is a nice one but it’s the day when you’d be able to do it. you float peacefully in the water. maybe not as neat as all that. Now there seem to be as many ways Now what? Picture this: Yes, some guys are of doing ikkyo as there are arms in rowing but for a host of reasons Getting some distance from the the world and technique feels am- some are not. Some are exhausted clamorous noise, being free of the biguous, subject to doubt, and full and doing their best. Some are in- boat people is a solution and may of uncertainty. The slow minutes jured and can’t help as much as they be what’s best for you. of class and this bozo you’re train- want to. Some have been thrown ing with can make you wonder just Being with and free is possible too. overboard, either by themselves or where your love of the art went. by their captain, and a few of these, You see, the Boat has already land- still determined, are swimming Reaching the stage of Ha is really ed and really, it never even left. along side. Some have grabbed onto an achievement. It’s pay dirt for ropes hanging off the bow, unable to all of your hard work but it doesn’t

Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Spring 2012 1 ed, frustrated and sometimes even more and more. In my defense, we A Community Of The Spirit angry. When I don’t resist, I hard- did have an extremely hard mat; one ly even notice the moment…it just inch of rubber dust on top of con- There is a community of the spirit. flows. So, why do I resist? crete. But that really wasn’t it. I Join it, and feel the delight I have carried this inquiry into re- didn’t feel that I “needed” to break of walking in the noisy street, fall. Short of breaking my arm and and being the noise. sistance on to the mat. I have been looking at myself and also looking causing a domestic abuse inquiry, at you. It is common for beginners we went on. Finally, a visiting Ai- Drink all your passion, kidoka said something to me that And be a disgrace. to resist and understandably so. Not sure what they “are” doing, what changed my perception and I resist- ed no more. Unfortunately I don’t Close both eyes they “should” be doing, and what is going to happen next can be unnerv- remember what she said but it was to see with the other eye. instantaneous; I was break falling. — Rumi ing. The thing is, they don’t know really know they are resisting. The When we resist we close off pos- technique comes fast, hard, and un- sibilities. But at the same time we Resistance expectedly. Without any skillful create other “openings” or possibili- by Patti Lyons way to deal with it, the beginner can ties. On the mat this can be physi- think “I’m not going to let that hap- cally injurious. My resisting break Resistance is futile. pen again.” Over time and through falls caused more and more strain on – The Borg seeing and feeling others train, the my wrists, shoulders and honestly, My inspiration for writing this ar- ticle was my own resistance to writ- ing it. I am often asked by Sensei to write something for Enso and I of- ten resist. I claim that I have noth- ing interesting to say, no time to sit down and write, and so on. Why do I resist? I can’t say for sure. Maybe I don’t want to expose my- self through sharing my thoughts. Maybe I don’t want to sit quietly with myself and let my unconscious bubble to the surface. Maybe I re- ally don’t have anything interesting to say. Whatever the reason, I often resist. Since this topic has been on my mind I have been watching myself and noticing the many situations in beginner resists less and less; again everything else. Now, when a tech- which I resist that which is in front not consciously. Developing a trust nique is applied fast and hard I can of me or heading in my direction. of others, a better sense of how to absorb it by taking a break fall…it Sometimes it is the alarm clock on fall, and a growing curiosity in the flows. I wouldn’t say I hardly no- early zazen mornings; sometimes it practice, their resistance lessens. tice, but I am not disturbed by it. is the telephone ringing and some- Sensei has always said “good ukemi times it is the suggestion by some- Beginners, though, are not the only is the best defense.” one else that I do things differently. ones who resist. Years ago, in my What I have noticed through this early days of training, I resisted tak- Sometimes people resist because self-observation is that when I re- ing break falls. Sensei kept pushing they want to “teach” you some- sist, I suffer. I get annoyed, irritat- me harder and harder and I resisted thing; to show you that your tech-

2 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Spring 2012 nique is not effective. This can able to actually start the seminar an be problematic for a few reasons. “The belief in form constantly hour early. Talk about hungry! Af- While I might successfully prevent struggles with the movement of ter check in and a brief moment for you from applying your “lame at- existence and that movement “oohs” and “ahhs” about the beau- tempt” at nikkyo to my wrist, I will always break through any tiful space, we suited up, bowed in have exposed my face, neck, groin, false impression of stability, and got onto the new black mats. knee etc. to another possible blow leaving feelings of frustration, There were even some unexpected or worse. Again, years ago, a visit- confusion, and sorrow.” guests such as Dave Mata and one ing Aikidoka was training with me of his students who drove 12 hours and became very ‘heavy” and re- — Darryl Bailey through the night from Chicago and sistant. He was nidan and I was 4th long time practitioner Ronald Er- kyu. I was trying to do shihonage nest from D.C. and he resisted. Frustrated, and not Churn Creek There is something quite exquisite understanding what he was trying about participating in the “building” to ”teach” me, I took the opening I Aikido Grand of something. The energy of genesis had and bit his arm! Not my shin- can be very potent. How many good ing moment, for sure, but boy was Opening stories have you heard that start he surprised! by Eric Soroker with; “I was there when…” Resisting can be misunderstood. We On March 24, 2012, Churn Creek Nick taught the first class and drove learn ukemi through technique and Aikido held its grand opening semi- us through an hour of suwariwaza. technique through ukemi. When we nar with guest instructor Lyons Shi- I know of several pairs of knees resist we can actually slow and con- han at the brand new dojo in Wor- that were groaning after that. Lyons fuse learning and even perpetuate ton, Maryland. Shihan taught the next three class- resistance in others. I have heard es, two body arts and one weapons many a person say: “Oh, I thought I On a rainy morning, 16 members of class. In a show of good spirit we was supposed to resist you.” When BCA made the journey south to sup- trained straight through lunch, in- I train with Sensei, he can resist me port their brother Nick Fritz Sensei stead of breaking, so that those who in such a way that he has exposed and to infuse his new space with needed to leave early were able no openings. His “resistance” is a hard training and positive Ki. to experience the whole seminar. cultivated heaviness that is seem- Our caravan arrived without inci- Even though I trained with many ingly unmovable and yet at the same dent and early enough that we were BCA members, being at Nick’s dojo time has a quick responsive- ness that doesn’t get stuck. I aspire… So, why do we resist? Fear. Fear of injury, fear of failure, fear of exposing ourselves, fear of looking stupid, fear of not being good enough and on and on. Fear. Someone recently said to me “It’s more interesting to talk about vul- nerability than show vulner- ability.” What happens when we don’t resist? Something far more interesting. Scary, maybe, but nothing to fear. Perhaps the Borg were right on this one thing; resistance is futile. … Churn Creek Aikido Grand Opening

Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Spring 2012 3 seemed to add fresh excitement next stage, it would be this: “dare” group of us went out to dinner with to everyone’s practice. We even to make your dojo’s daily training Sensei and Patti. Somehow the con- blessed the pristine white walls with true to the way you want to train in versation made its way to Steven some fresh bokken holes. Now it’s Aikido. Set the character, inspira- Segal and after I made a couple of a dojo! tion, and direction of “your” dojo. jokes at how bad his movies are I The seminar concluded with Ly- Thanks to everyone for a great made the comment that he doesn’t ons Shihan presenting Nick with a seminar and Happy Birthday Churn seem to embody the spirit of Ai- framed photo of O-Sensei for the Creek Aikido. kido (how’s that for the pot calling new kamiza. Lyons Sensei also the kettle black? ). Sensei, with a shared some words of insight and half smile on his face, very calmly encouragement. In true BCA fash- and quietly said (I’m paraphrashing ion (and now CCA fashion), there here, I don’t remember the exact was a delicious potluck back at Nick words), “Well he’s just a guy like and Mary’s home. Bacon wrapped you and me, trying to figure things pheasant, venison, and BBQ chick- out. He’s done a lot for Aikido, en were just some of the highlights which may be good or bad, but we (Nick’s ginger carrots were top shouldn’t judge him.” Ahhhhh, so notch). Trained and fed, we finished there’s the spirit of Aikido. There’s out the evening with some libation the idea that this entire practice em- and some good ole story telling. bodies. It’s also the answer to the question that I’ve been asking my- Really, this seminar for me was a self from my first beginner’s class, celebration of a “beginning” that “is this practice really applicable in has been many years in the making. real life?” From our first awkward roll, we are building something in our Aikido. We practice blending with each oth- We build strength and coordina- er on the mat, but that’s really only tion, awareness, technique and con- a part of the practice. For me that’s nection. The months turn to years the easy part of the practice. Blend- and we continue to develop upon ing with people in our life outside the foundation of our practice. For The Start of the dojo who we have nothing in common with or who we are op- some this may lead to teaching and by Eric Wolf then a transition into moving on and posed to is much more difficult, that is the real life practice of Aikido. the creation of one’s own dojo. I sometimes feel my reason for Nick truly exemplifies this theme starting Aikido doesn’t measure up I had a dream the other night, after two days of Aikido classes where I of building a dojo by literally de- to some of the other inspiring rea- signing and constructing the entire sons some people in the dojo talk felt lost and couldn’t figure out how space, inside and out. It was an in- about. Looking for a martial art with credible feat that consumed him for a spiritual connection or some life 8 months. Several members of BCA changing desire / connection to this contributed their brawn, including practice seems more important than myself, to help him screw, lift, pull, my “it looked like fun” reason. As and bend the space into shape but trivial as my reason for starting Ai- it was truly Nick who did the lion’s kido may be, what keeps me com- share. I imagine he is immensely ing back are the glimpses into the proud (and rightly so) for creating deeper currents; this is more than such a wonderful training space. I just throwing each other around on know I am. the mat. If I could be so bold as to offer a One important glimpse for me hap- suggestion to Nick as he begins this pened a few weeks ago. A small

4 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Spring 2012 to do the techniques being demon- Sweat oozed out of my pores then this voice in my head coming from strated. In my dream I was having slowly trickled down from the top that it successfully convinces me yet another bad Aikido class, not of my head down the side of my to come spend another hour or two being able to keep up, turning out- forehead and into my face. The past falling and being thrown onto the side when I should turn inside, just few days have been brutally hot, mat time and time again? Am I be- generally doing everything wrong; made even hotter by the weight of coming crazy? in my dream Patti came up to me, our cotton gi. We start every class “Why Aikido?” a friend of mine put her hands on her hips, cocked with a series of warm-up exercises. asked and the answer is just as her head sideways and asked, “How We’ve been practicing how to roll elusive as this center Sensei long is it going to take you to learn and learning techniques ikkyo, nik- mentions. Perhaps this is part of the this?!” All my life I’ve just mus- kyo and sankyo—what have I got- pull, finding this center. There could cled my way through opposition. If ten myself into? Most evenings I be a million other things I could be someone disagreed with me and I feel lost, I’m not getting these tech- doing yet I chose Aikido. When I had my mind set on doing things my niques and I am frustrated at myself stumbled across BCA’s website, way I would either just ignore them for not getting them. “Stay with it!” the welcome page headlined with: or drag them kicking and screaming a voice in my head demands, “No! Start by Assuming Nothing. “Hmm, along with me. I would not blend. This sucks!” the defeatist in me re- this sounds familiar,” I murmured. Blending was something an appli- plies. After class, all my body wants I took subsequent clicks and read ance did. I see a different way now. to do is rest from the physical work- through the dojo’s website, its How long is it going to take me to out and summer heat but mentally, I content echoing some sentiments I learn to blend? I don’t know. What replay what we did in class over and have been trying to apply in my life. I do know is I need more practice in over again. Why DO I come? Aikido has relevance to my life and blending, both on and off the mat. Failure is the key to success; each I didn’t even know it? What else can As soon as you concern yourself mistake teaches us something. Aikido offer me? with the “good” and “bad” of your — O-Sensei A soft autumn breeze brushes fellows, you create an opening in strands of hair away from my face Fall. One night, at the dojo, one of your heart for maliciousness. as I sit near the dojo’s sliding door the senior students said I must be — O-Sensei overlooking rows crazy because I kept coming back to of lavender be- class every week to which I replied, low. I was early “Then you must be totally insane Serendiptous and decided to because you’ve been coming here sit sei- Circles for years.” [shared laughter] On Oc- za so by Ester Barias-Wolf tober 27th, I passed my 5th kyu test. I can My partner and I were sitting on the get It’s okay to lose your balance, but floor, doing kokyuho. I was- mus never lose your center. — Lyons Sensei cling my way through the technique again. There were nights when Summer. The beginners’ course is it felt like I was not getting eight weeks long. It has been years even one technique right no since I’ve done anything remotely matter how many times we physical not counting my weekend repeat the steps. Just when I warrior yard work. I have wanted to thought I was at the brink of getting take a martial arts course for years something right another technique and I finally stumbled across BCA gets introduced. It was as if a wave while surfing the internet. There that just barely receded back into were other schools, schools that the ocean was back to drag me down were closer to home yet I felt com- underneath it again before I can pelled to come, observe a class and catch a breath. Yet, I keep coming then sign-up. back to shore— the dojo. Where is

Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Spring 2012 5 used to it. I have come to realize into the mat. Sure it is weak, but that that it is not one voice but a collec- is not the reason I injured myself. I Sansho:The tive voice (and events) that draw me simply wasn’t in the moment. If the Continuing back. Years ago, I read this quote: true reason was because it is weak, “For when you climb it is the moun- then I would continuously re-injure Journey tain as much as your own legs which my left-side, but this was not so. I by Dwight Epps lifts you upwards, and when you needed to be mindful or risk more paint it is the brush, ink and paper injuries. Through the years, I have often which determine the result as much The circle symbolizes serenity and wondered what it would have been as your own hand.” Without Sensei, perfection, the source of unlimited like to grow up a young boy in Ja- without my classmates, without the techniques. pan. Playing samurai, beating my dojo I cannot be nage or uke—po- playmates with limbs cut from trees. — O-Sensei sitions that allow me to apply or Becoming an uchi deshi to a Great take techniques so that I’m afford- Spring. One more week (as I write Teacher and learning Kendo, Judo ed a chance to unfold what I have this) and it will be the first day of and maybe even Aikido. Carrying learned or yet to learn. It dawned spring. The end of March marks ten O-Sensei’s bags, cleaning his home, on me that I come not just to learn months of figuring out puzzles in working in his fields, and taking about techniques, but also a chance the form of twisted limbs, pins and ukemi for years before he would let to learn about myself through oth- blocks. I’m still watching out for the me practice. Having peers like To- ers, through my mistakes and from elusive center, but I am not upset I hei, Abe, Saito, Yamada, Kanai and past experiences. haven’t found nor comprehended it. Chiba. A good stance and posture reflect a In due time it will come. “Patience,” The training practices of O-Sensei proper state of mind. I remind myself. In the meantime, have been described by Chiba Sen- — O-Sensei like the cycle of the seasons, I will sei as “katai-keiko” (vigorous train- no doubt make more mistakes, ex- ing without holding back). Chiba Winter. My shoulder ached when I perience more pain, frustration, on swung my arm at certain positions. I Sensei has many times said the the edge of quitting, lack mindful- practice left the students bruised messed it up in class while trying to ness interlaced with breakthroughs roll. It was my left shoulder again. and bloody. Katai-keiko includ- and feeling of accomplishments. I ed intense conditioning exercises, I am now convinced that this is one am learning to embrace this jour- of my weakest points. I should be which O-Sensei would often ob- ney. Slowly gaining insights to lose serve. There was also, general farm more attentive to it. I had an acci- myself in order to blend where there dent some years back, catapulted work that uchi deshi at the Iwama is no longer a distinction between dojo were required to participate off a scooter and landed hard on a beginning and an ending. Who pavement. I had deep scrapes and in. Both Morihiro Saito Sensei and knows where it will take me, I only Chiba Sensei spent time at the Iwa- bruises: ribs, leg, arm—all of which know where it has taken me so far. were on my left side. ma dojo training. My state of mind was all over the O-Sensei didn’t have a teaching place—I confess to this. Right be- curriculum for weapons and body fore my partner applied the end of arts. He would order an attack with jujinage, I remembered my mind bokken and in an instant, uke would not being in the now and was pre- find himself on the floor andO- occupied with the dull pain I was Sensei would have the bokken. He experiencing on both my arms after would order a strike to the face, and a session of practicing blocks. “I’m suddenly he would strike with an at- going to get some good bruising to- emi, throw and pin so hard that peo- morrow,” I remember thinking to ple reported feeling that their chest myself; then—SLAM! By the time I was going to explode. Or O-Sensei got back in the moment I landed in- would direct a strike with a tanto correctly and jammed my shoulder and…well….I’ll leave the result to your imagination.

6 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Spring 2012 Sensei and as taught by Saito Sen- Sensei believed that the basis of sei looked and felt alike. Yes and no. all empty-handed, sword, and staff The 36 jo movements (Chiba) and techniques was the mastery of Ai- the 20 jo suburi (Saito) are founda- kido’s hanmi (basic posture) and tion movements, very similar, the mai’ai (proper distance). Saito also names are different but then Japa- believed in the development a prop- nese words usually have different er Kiai (spirit shout) which when meanings depending on the con- you heard it, was enough to disarm cept the Sensei is trying to convey. you (cutting your Ki). Herein lies the dilemma. Recently, at noon class, Lyons Sen- We usually think of the levels of sei has been working on Sansho. I Aikido understanding in terms of always thought I had a strong foun- form, function and effectiveness. dation, patience, technique to stop Chiba Sensei describes his goal as most uke and the ability and relax- being able to face a trained swords- ation to take ukemi from anybody man with an empty hand and take his and not get hurt. sword. Most of us would be killed. If you train all your life with sincer- The Birankai methodology is in- ity and purpose, you may be able to tense. In the moment of truth, time achieve aiuchi (mutual death). The stands still, and the technique is ex- Morihiro Saito Sensei practice required is Katai-keiko as plosive and devastating. It is not like I have been fortunate to have learned demonstrated in the Sansho katas. the overwhelming technique of Ya- weapon concepts from many artists The ability to take the sword from mada and Toyota, or the precision of the Japanese sword, staff and a trained swordsman is that of an of Kanai and Tohei. It is well suit- knife. O-Sensei never documented artist. ed for Lyons, Champion and Nour Senseis; Chiba’s influence is clear. his weapons so his uchi deshi had Saito Sensei believed that striking to interpret their understanding of techniques (atemi) are a “vital el- Sansho is slowly revealing its sub- his weapons. My training has been ement” of Aikido, and advocated tleties to me, exposing my open- influenced by three schools; Saito’s training to deal with the attacks from ings. I feel the need to go back to methods, Yasuo Kobayashi and now other martial arts, such as the kicks the 36 jo movements and the 20 jo Chiba Sensei. practiced in karate. I know firsthand suburi to polish my sword and dis- Saito Sensei was the first and his the devastation of atemi delivered cipline my spirit. It will no doubt commitment to carrying on O-Sen- by Toyota and Kanai Senseis. Saito take many more years of dedication. sei’s legacy and preserve O-Sen- sei’s teachings as Saito had learned them was evident whenever he spoke. In the many Saito seminars I attended, I often heard him talk about how the principles of swords- manship formed the basis of Aiki- do techniques. These principles are very evident when you view Chiba Sensei’s swordsmanship. However, while the principles are the same, the interpretations are different. When I first viewed weapons train- ing at Bucks County, my impres- sion was that they were the same principals. Kumi Tachi as taught by Dwight and Nafis practice Sansho.

Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Spring 2012 7 I may never be able to take Chiba yard during a discussion about the or Lyons Sensei’s swords. But that importance of atemi. The disper- Commitment does not matter. I am on the path. sal of energy that Saotome Sensei by Ea Murphy My journey continues. speaks about is the moment when Within the first year of training in you lead your partners ki, at which time his mind and body are sepa- Aikido I made the decision that I rated from his ki. It allows you to would keep practicing for the rest Atemi – the Lost take his ki, the moment of the trans- of my life. That innocent decision, ference of energy, and redirect it as naïve in what it would actually en- Component? you see fit. This is a much -differ tail, provided relief from the con- stant judgment of progress and at- By Nafis Nazir ent concept than merely throwing a strike to hurt your partner or to even tainment. I could train as much as As I enter into my 18th year of train- simply disrupt his attack. It goes I wanted without worrying about ing, I find myself searching for the beyond this idea. To disrupt his at- whether or not I was achieving mar- many seemingly small components tack would mean to conflict with it. tial skill, about whether my innate of Aikido techniques. One of these This is not Aikido. Rather, the use abilities were enough to “really” do components is the use of atemi. In of atemi allows you to join him, to Aikido, or about whether my train- my opinion, atemi has become one join his energy and to become one ing would actually prove useful in of the lost components of Aikido. with him in that very moment. It is the “real world”. I would, I rea- But you may ask yourself, what is through his own aggression and ill soned, be doing this for decades, atemi and is it really part of Aikido? intent that he separates himself from surely at that point I would under- stand something about Aikido. In order to answer this question, you, thus causing his own ruin. you must first understand what at- Another aspect or view of atemi is emi means. atemi literally means that it is also used to project the en- strike, but in Aikido it has a more ergy of an attacker. This is evident in specific meaning and usage. atemi techniques that are seen as touchless is used to strike at your partner’s throws. When the attacker strikes, openings, not to inflict injury, but to the nage can enter with an atemi, take your partner’s mind and affect and with perfect timing, gather the or lead your partner’s ki. In Aikido, energy of the attacker, redirect it, energy is neither lost or destroyed. and project it in several other direc- It is merely transferred from one tions. You can view videos online person to the other. Many times, it and see O-Sensei doing such tech- is the use of atemi that allows this niques. Therefore, you should un- At some point, I realized that just transference of energy. And it is dur- derstand that atemi doesn’t always walking onto the mat was not ing this time that the nucleus of the mean that there must be contact. enough. Without conscious per- technique is formulated into what There is a plethora of information mission, my life began to change. will become the moment of victory on atemi available online. You can I started eating better to hold up to over transgression. Saotome Sensei read many articles from students of daily training. I had to make more taught us that “every throw you do O-Sensei on the subject of atemi. money in order to eat better. I had to is a strike which you are choosing This information will give you in- take jobs that didn’t interfere with not to do.” In other words, in Aikido sight into the true meaning of atemi class. My philosophies changed and practice, atemi can be implicit rath- from a physical, psychological and my aggressions softened. Slowly er than explicit. physiological viewpoint. The use of and surely, life became structured around Aikido. “What forces an opponent to keep atemi should be an very integral part his energy dispersed so that you can of your Aikido training. It should be And at some point I realized that apply a given technique is the pos- practiced daily and taken seriously structuring a life around Aikido was sibility at any instant that nage can as a very important aspect of budo. not enough. Leaning into this train- throw an atemi.” This quote was ing and this commitment required posted by Sensei George S. Led- something more, and, at the same

8 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Spring 2012 time, required something less. ing would make me a martial artist, coming and going for this deter- I see I must go beyond the mat, the mined bird, and I prayed that noth- The original decision to train for the dojo, and training to truly find what ing would harm it. I was just a little rest of my life was an escape into it means to be martial. The vigor panicked as I watched the goose. comfort, which excused the atten- of training in a dojo helps immense- I felt it say to me, “I am going to tion to every moment on and off ly in this endeavor, but ultimately, cross THIS road.” the mat that a commitment to mar- a martial artist drops these attach- tial arts entails. Above all, a com- ments to truly cut and be cut in the mitted martial artist cannot become world. comfortable and must continually meet each new day, encounter, and Ea Murphy trains at Siskiyou Aikikai each moment without expectations. and is the new Birankai registrar. From my limited experience, I see that there is always a deeper, more challenging layer to martial training On Self-Pity and commitment. Comfort keeps by Cathy Thomas us from seeing these new aspects, caught in the box of “I am” instead I never saw a wild thing of continually opening to our true sorry for itself. natures in the world. A small bird will drop frozen dead A committed martial artist does not from a bough require a mat, and training in a dojo without ever having felt sorry for itself. does not necessarily make a martial — D.H.Lawrence artist. A dojo is a luxury—a physical space to house the spirit of training In the Asian arts, there is always and keep the fire burning. Our art this talk of balance – balance of the He began to walk across, and I no- becomes life beyond the dojo, when mind, body, and spirit. Very noble ticed he was limping. It seemed his our commitment to Aikido trans- statement, but with pain and injury right foot was damaged somehow, lates into a commitment to continu- come mixed emotions culminating had healed, and made him lame. He ally learn how to truly respond. into questions. How can you have limped across the road and stopped balance if you can only concentrate If faced with combat in the world in the middle, on the yellow line. I on the body? How can you purify outside the dojo, as a martial artist, thought, what is this he is doing? I yourself with poisoning thoughts? I don’t know that I would respond felt so worried for this lame goose How does spirit compete with mind with combat, despite the fact that limping across the road, and wished and body? How can you move be- the term martial arts literally refers he would hurry so that traffic would yond the physical self? to the art of war. The beauty and the not kill him and he would be safe – gift of training in the art of war is About a year ago, I was driving to and that I would not have to worry that we come face to face, on some work, taking back roads to avoid anymore. level, with life and death. The deep- traffic and save time. On a two-lane So, he was stopped in the middle er we go in our training, our sincer- road, traffic slowed down a bit, and of the road. At this point, he looked ity, our faith, and our doubt grows I wondered if there was an accident over his back and made a small stronger. The deeper we go in our ahead. I crawled with the other cars honk noise. His mate and two gos- training, the choices become clearer and saw nothing until the car in front lings came out from the bushes. and the consequences less impor- of me pulled away. I stopped my car They joined him, and he limped tant. The blade against our skin be- because something to the left of the across the road vigilantly, escorting comes more live and we are cut. road caught my eye. It was a goose. his family protectively. I had a front I still believe that daily training is a This goose was standing right on row view of this amazing scene. He vital part of a commitment to mar- the white line on the side of the ensured their safe passage, and I tial arts, but despite my younger road, head held high, somehow res- never was the same. self, who thought that merely train- olute to do something. Cars stopped

Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Spring 2012 9 We all suffer damage in Aikido. I teach a student without the student 180 West Bridge Street). We roll challenge anyone to show me some- realizing that she is being taught. I out the wrestling mat every Thurs- one who is dedicated to the prac- was looking for answers, and I was day night from 7-8:30 (March 15 - tice that does not have an injury of waiting for someone to teach me. I May 10). If you are in the area, stop some kind. I have had many inju- didn’t realize I was being taught, but in and practice with us. ries – psychological, emotional, and when the lesson began my mind was physical damage – suffered during open and I was receptive. I did not my practice of Aikido. know that my teacher on self-pity “There is something incompa- rably intimate and productive in It would be very easy for me to would be a goose. Find balance, it said to me. Do not carry the heavy the work with an actor entrust- practice self-pity. Every day my ed to me. He must be attentive left knee reminds me that it is dam- burden of what has damaged you in the past. Do not worry about what and confident and free, for our aged. Every day my right shoulder labor is to explore his possibili- reminds me that it will never func- could happen in the future. Only concern yourself with what must be ties to the utmost. His growth is tion the way it did before. I get so attended by observation, aston- done now. frustrated and scared doing tech- ishment, and desire to help; my nique because of my fear of further growth is projected onto him, or, damage. It would be easy for me to rather, is found in him – and our say, “poor hurt me” and “why me” New Hope common growth becomes rev- and “feel sorry for me”, to think this Aikido elation. This is not instruction of way would be poisonous to my spir- by John McDevitt a pupil but utter opening to an- it. Instead, how can I have the feel- other person, in which the phe- ing of courage through the balance I love the depth of Aikido -- the idea nomenon of “shared or double of body, mind, and spirit? that there is no end to it. How won- birth” becomes possible. The Me...injury...disfigurement...living derful it is to have the opportunity to actor is reborn – not only as an with it...courage...the goose. practice Shoshin at every step along actor but as a man – and with this endless path. With that in mind, him, I am reborn. It is a clumsy I had never seen such bravery way of expressing it, but what is against the odds in my life. This I am off on a new Aikido adventure. Helen and I have started teaching achieved is a total acceptance of goose walked in a way to accom- one human being by another.” modate his serious injury – still he an Aikido class at The Communi- ty School of New Hope-Solebury walked. He did not stop living or — Jerzy Grotowski stop taking care of his family – still (New Hope-Solebury High School, he was a father and provider. That goose with the lame foot stopped traffic – so highly dangerous, some- thing that kills so many animals – still he did this. He held his head so high, so bravely. Did he know he had no self-pity and only courage? Did that goose feel sorry for him- self for one minute? Did he have any doubt about taking care of his family, about going from one side of the road to the other? Did he feel like less of a goose because he was physically damaged? Did he set out that day to change my thought process about self-pity? BCA practices zazen regularly. Sebastian readies the dojo. It is very possible for a teacher to

10 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Spring 2012