Wes Carpenter's Foreign Movies

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This Issue’s Extravaganza: Wes Carpenter’s Foreign Movies

November/December 2015 • Issue 58 • $10 USD pandamagazine.com From the Editor Issue 57 Completists #AAA Aardvarks (Rich Bragg, Jonathan McCue) • A Seer Who We’ve lost a number of prominent puzzle people this Argues (Adrian, Casey, Catherine, David, Eli, Rob) • Alison year. Henry Hook is one of the constructors, along with Muratore, Audrey Muratore, Eric Suess • J.H. Andersson • Mike Selinker and Patrick Berry, that helped inspire Ben Lowenstein • Black Fedora Group (Herman Chau, Lennart P&A Puzzle Magazine. Their work in Games Magazine Jansson, Nick Wu, Moor Xu, Eric Yu) • Joe Bohanon • Robert and Henry Hook’s $10,000 Trivia Contest gave me the Bosch • Nick Brady • Buzz Lime Pi (Jay Lorch, Jonathan desire to write interconnected puzzle suites. Henry Hook Anderson, Josie Naylor, Michelle Teague, Robb Effinger, Sarah passed away in October at 60, far too young. Caley, Sean McCarthy, Sean Osborn) • Jeremy Conner • Dan Katz, Jackie Anderson, & Steve Katz • Das Zauberboot (Mike, Big thanks to Joe Cabrera for the cover, and for the new Catherine, Dan, Donna, Becky) • DelphiRune (Steve & Anita) cover layout. • Joseph DeVincentis • Martin Doublesin • Doug Orleans & Paula Wing • david edwards • Joe Fendel • Dustin Foley • Foggy Brume Nathan Fung • Lily Geller • GUToL (Angel Bourgoin, Keith Bourgoin, Dan Moren, Evan Ritt) • Mark Halpin • Chris Harris Issue 57 Top Ten • David Harris • Paul Hlebowitsh • Brent Holman • Illegal Phlogizote (Ben Smith, Brie Frame, Joe Cabrera, Jenny Gutbezahl, PSL Services (Ata Gurpinar, Kristin Lieber, Julia Tenney, Jon Kevin Wald, Aaron Fuegi, Susan Glass, Katie Hamill, Phil Steindel) Singer, Amy Swartz, Cody van Winkle) • Berk Isaac • Jeff #AAA Aardvarks (Rich Bragg, Jonathan McCue) Davidson, Dana Fenson • Just for the Halibut (Nathan Curtis, Just for the Halibut (Nathan Curtis, Kyle Keen, Avram Gottschlich) Kyle Keen, Avram Gottschlich) • Just-Us League (Ann Kok, Buzz Lime Pi (Jay Lorch, Jonathan Anderson, Josie Naylor, Mark Navarrete, Zack Pierpoint, Ashutosh Sodhani, Jimmy Michelle Teague, Robb Effinger, Sarah Caley, Sean McCarthy, Sean Williams, Steven Williams) • Gregg Katz • Elaine Kristant • Osborn) Alan Lemm • Phlogizote (Ben listed everyone. I just entered Das Zauberboot (Mike, Catherine, Dan, Donna, Becky) the answers on my account too.) • Phlogizote (Ben Smith, Brie Laura Klein and Eric Prestemon Frame, Joe Cabrera, Jenny Gutbezahl, Kevin Wald, Aaron Fuegi, Paul Hlebowitsh Susan Glass, Katie Hamill, Phil Steindel) • Laura Klein and Dan Katz, Jackie Anderson, & Steve Katz Eric Prestemon • Scott Purdy • Jason Rau • Randy Rogers • Jeremy Conner Dan Seidman • Donna Smith • sometimes turtles (Umaimah Michael Sylvia Khan, Diyang Tang, Kat Fang, Nati Getahun, Alex Cole, Matt Tse, Eric Marion, Keri Fullwood, Kate Rudolph) • Special Task Force: Unicorn (Josh Bluestein, Adam Smiles, Richard Spoonts) In Issue 58 • Special Task Force: Unicorn (Josh Bluestein, Richard Spoonts, Pieces of Bamboo • 3–12 Adam Smiles) • Michael Sylvia • Team 98 (John Leen, Jeff McDowell, Sara McDowell, Lauren Roussel, Randy Thomson, Wes Carpenter’s Foreign Movies • 13–25 Olya Veselova, Andy Yeckel) • Team Gladden (Jason, Charlene, Bradley) • The Gipper (Dave Edwards, Chris Harris, John Louie) Answers to Pieces of Bamboo • 29–30 • Barbara Thompson • Titanic • Titanic (Mary-Leslie Duty, Rex Miller) • John Tuttle • Tweleve Pack (Stvwz, Pianoman, Molnar, Answers to Issue 57 • 26–28 Sluggy, F14Rainman, Fuzzy) • Jay Winter • Henry Wong • yamjam (yen duong, mark krasniewski)

Editor/Constructor Test-Solver Friends of the Magazine Foggy Brume Justin Weinbaum Gordon Dow Mark Halpin Lance Nathan Bruce Kaskel Joe Cabrera

Sketchy Characters Can you name the TV sketch comedy that featured these members?

Easy Difficult Downright Impossible 1. John Cleese, Eric Idle, Graham 4. Dave Foley, Bruce McCulloch, 7. Julie Brown, Tom Kenny, Jennifer Chapman, Terry Jones Scott Thompson Aniston, Wayne Knight 2. Chevy Chase, Chris Farley, Tina 5. John Candy, Eugene Levy, Andrea 8. Teresa Graves, Hamilton Camp, Fey, Colin Quinn Martin Mel Stewart, Chuck McCann 3. Keenen Ivory Wayans, David Alan 6. Michael Ian Black, David Wain, 9. Aziz Ansari, Rob Huebel, Paul Grier, Jim Carrey Ken Marino, Kerri Kenney Scheer

Quote Square A quote and its author is hidden in the grid below. In each row and column, cross off the person being clued.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 O A N B L L A B C D Actor Bill 1 Actor William P W V L L Y C I N E G Comedian Billy F R A M R M A E L A C 2 Comedian Will U A E U R U R R U L Ham William A H N A M O N B C E 3 Mailman Willie L S N F Y T U Y E N R Maligned athlete Bill H L E F L E D S A A I Actress/Singer Williams 4 M O O R I P T H K Y Politician/Athlete Bill M I P A H K E E N C President Bill 5 N W S E T R F T R E S Showman Bill A B R A I D A L E A L Singer Billie 6 Singer/songwriter Bill T S W L I L L E I Y Soldier William C A L A F N I O R E 7 M N S I O N L T R N S

The Sixty-Second Test: MA-LL of America Each clue leads to an answer that starts with MA and ends with LL. How quickly can you get all 10?

1. Large primate (8) 6. Furious, like Howard Beale (3 2 4) 2. He has a silver hammer in song (7) 7. Tipping Point author (7 8) 3. Broker demand (6 4) 8. Gone with the Wind author (8 8) 4. Casual Italian eatery (8 5) 9. Possible bank robbery tipoff (6 4) 5. Fortune-telling toy (5 1-4) 10. Party with costumes (10 4)

Our word garden conceals 10 words in a mystery category. Find words by selecting a starting square and then mov- ing the given direction and distance to get the next letter (e.g., 2L means move 2 squares to the left). Words never travel off the grid. Some additional letters will be leftover. These will form a clue to help identify the mystery category.

T T D R C A E E D R

P U B L E M U N O B

I T S A U O I T O E

M U C E Y C P Y T M

S M O T I I D R U I

R O A V P N R T I E

J A B A Y C T E E I

A R G T N N E A I O

I N M I N T E I N N

B I O E A L N T V I

?? 2D 3D 2D 1R 1U 3U 2U ?? 2R 3D 2R 3D 4L 3U 2U 2R ?? 2R 3D 2R 3U 1U 4L 3D 1L ?? 2D 2L 2D 2R 3U 3L 5D 3R 1D 1D ?? 3R 2U 2L 1U 3R 3D 1R ?? 3D 5R 4U 3R 2D 7L 3D ?? 1L 3L 1D 4L 1U 2D 8R 6D ?? 3U 2L 7R 2L 2D 2L 3U 2U ?? 4D 1L 3R 3D 4R 6U 1L ?? 6U 3L 3U 3L 2D 2L 7D 7R 3U

For the dropquote below, solve the clues to determine what letters belong in that column. An * indicates that the letters will go into that column in order.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

Mindy Lahiri

1. Term for help, with no repeated letters 2. Over there, colloquially* 3. ____ of war* 4. Steal or burgle 5. Vegetarian’s milk 6. Mute dwarf, minus the even letters 7. Days of ____, minus the 3rd letter* 8. Charlie Chaplin film studio* 9. Vex, or “vex” rot-13* 10. Small* 11. File size abbreviation 12. Long journey minus driver’s license stat* 13. Actor Harris* 14. Roast beef fast food chain, minus the first and last lettters 15. That same chain, minus the odd letters 16. That same chain, minus the second, fourth and fifth letters 17. Sit in on a class, minus the consonants* 18. Greek god forerunner, minus the vowels* 19. Ford’s Model* 20. Cultivate crops, minus the vowel 21. One’s noggin, minus the last letter 22. And so on 23. Bird’s home, minus the vowel 24. That vowel*

Five women (including Billie and Georgia) competed in the Southern New Mexico Salsa Festival, where each brought their own spin on salsa. Each salsa used a different type of tomato (including Heirloom), a different type of pepper (including the Trinidad Scorpion chili), a different type of citrus, and one mystery ingredient (including cantaloupe). Each salsa was ranked (4 being the highest, 0 being the lowest) on heat, flavor, appearance, and consistancy. Can you use the clues below to determine each woman’s full name (including Ms. Green), color of her bowl (including green), ingredients, and ranking?

1. No one’s first and last name started with the same letter. Roberta White is the only woman whose bowl had the same color as her last name. 2. No one got the same score in any two categories. No two salsas had the same overall score. 3. The salsas were ranked for flavor in this order, from highest to lowest: Willa’s sauce (which used kiwi as a mystery ingredient), the salsa that used cherry tomatoes and tangerines, Ms. Brown’s salsa (which used a naga viper pepper), the salsa in a brown bowl (which used Schnapps as a mystery ingredient), and the salsa with the best ranking for appearance. 4. The salsas were ranked for appearance in this order, from highest to lowest: a salsa that did not belong to Britta, the salsa that had peach as a mystery ingredient, a salsa that belonged to either Ms. Red or Ms. Brown, a salsa that was not in a red bowl, and Ms. White’s salsa. 5. The salsas were ranked for heat in this order, from highest to lowest: the salsa that used Meyer lemon, the salsa that used tomatilloes, the salsa that did not use the Infinity chili pepper, the salsa in a black bowl that used Fresca as a mystery ingredient, and the salsa that used the Carolina Reaper (which earned more points for flavor than for appearance). 6. The salsas were ranked for consistency in this order, from highest to lowest: the salsa that used the Bhut Jolokia, a woman whose salsa ranked overall lower than the woman who used orange, a woman who did not use the Infinity chili, the woman whose salsa scored more points for flavor than the woman who used plum tomatoes, and the salsa that used beefsteak tomatoes. 7. The salsa that used key lime ranked overall lower than the salsa that used lime.

Secret

First Last Bowl Tomato Pepper Citrus Ingredient Heat Flavor Appearance Consistency Overall Score

We’ve taken ten items that have something in common and encrypted them with a simple substitution cipher. Can you decode each list and figure out the connection? In each list, the connections are all related to “down” phrases.

Party Down Buckle Down Keep Down

PUJTHJO RUWWAG GMKF

UVVKATQTTC PCDW HYKEL FMXDE

FIQSGQMA QDPEACAG LEKXWEVLHD

FVFMKQJI BQYKC PKPWACZAGP FPEMJD EMMG

OQKUAYJTO POMANDVA LYJHDMJ

YVQPK XANE OMXDE WKVODT

GJYKUHQC LANVGM APKUDO

NJTOHJTO XKEEMC UKEKUDFZ

PVJYAA YAEDN OMMJ WKEWVAKJ

SJZAY VKQQNUCJ UVJJKAOD

Water Down Stand Down Thumbs Down

ACG ZOM QOAXAXJ APEA

DKQIPUC DMHAHTN VMIDZG

EYAAUC YTDDAM SMS

KQOYUCD FAQMDK APF PCCWHZ LPWJPX

IKCCP ZOM JDMMX FANM CQPL

UTMWWH XMMBCGN ZOAXJQ HIWVWHRQ CRWQMIZ

UTPC BACCMDMXZ QMTQWXQ AMJV

IXTHHCU AXQWFXAT SZARHQZ

ZCT CADMQZTDZMD HQMXDZI

WICTH ZOM BTDP OTNC CWBBQZ

Clues are grouped by their location in the grid, which has four-way symmetry. For example, answers to group 1 will go in the four-letter entry marked with a 1 and its three symmetrically corresponding locations. When done, the four unclued entries will be related to spinning pinwheels.

1. Black, poetically Dish ____ 1 2 3 On a boat Waste material 4 5 2. Hindu celestial being 6 7 8 Mastercard alternative Prefix for cloth 9 10 Prefix for pool 11 12 3. Aroma 13 14 Fencers’ swords Sassy They hold sails 4. Belong to one’s basic nature Give credit to Make stronger Went bad, like bread 5. Lullaby location In a dirt-free manner Pitches dangerously Wide part of a river 6. Civil War general Large cask 11. Downy ducks Rodent Nook counterpart Slang for a PI One’s whereabouts 7. Adorned, in a manner Return to court In concert 12. Goes back on one’s word Kind of shoe Hot Saharan wind More prying Member of a band that’s not prominent 8. Christmas synonym Night time Ensnare 13. Hearing or sight Large instrument Looking at Rapper Combs Remnants of wounds 9. Government-level Thin openings Lasts or persists 14. Bands More droopy Director Scott Nullifies Leafy vegetable 10. Garbage truck More banal Gentle Hindu religious community Speak unfavorably about

In each crossword below, a simple substitution cipher has been used. Can you decipher each? A starting hint has given for each puzzle.

1 14 2 15 3 16 4 17 5 C 18 6 19 7 20 8 21 9 22 10 23 11 24 12 25 13 26

1 14 2 15 3 16 4 17 5 18 6 19 7 U 20 8 21 9 22 10 23 11 24 12 25 13 26

For any clue that says “See illustrations”, refer to the illustrations below.

Page 10 of 12 © 2015 P&A Magazine. http://www.pandamagazine.com November/December 2015 Across 1. Soups up, like one’s ride 6. Malice 11. See illustrations 15. French school 16. Relief in the desert 17. Calgary hockey player 18. See illustrations 19. Coastal feature 20. Romeo, Tristan, Isolde, or Juliet 21. In pain 22. Wanton desires 23. Off one’s rocker 24. Lack of opacity 26. See illustrations 27. Recent Joaquin Phoenix film 28. Avail 29. High-ranking military officer (2 wds) 30. See illustrations (2 wds) 34. Atom component 71. Negative word 17. Shear:Sheep::?:Whale 48. ____-side 36. Door fastener 72. 9th in a series 22. Like draft e-mail, likely 49. Coop members 37. See illustrations 73. Lacking freshness 23. Burn the outside of 50. Series component 41. See illustrations (2 74. Allowances 25. Kind of mill 51. Dots’ counterparts wds, hyph.) 26. See illustrations 52. Stick 45. Same as above Down 29. Unit of volume 53. Ally together (2 wds) 46. Scottish hillside 1. Jewish festival 31. Couple, perhaps 54. Caught up in 47. The ____ Games 2. See illustrations 32. Beaches 57. It’s needed for cheese 48. See illustrations 3. See illustrations 33. Country whose 58. Star-shaped flowers 51. Stag (hyph.) pronunciation is highly 60. See illustrations 55. Am not? 4. Beach in Spain debated 61. Star in Orion 56. Unit of time 5. Common Spain verb 34. Sixth sense, e. g. 62. Titan’s forerunner 59. Part of DNA and RNA 6. Evening get-togethers 35. “Super duper, man!” 64. Square ____ 60. Pale yellow flowers 7. Stomach pains 37. Dig deep 67. Eye on TV 63. Stock purchases 8. Small bodies of land 38. Pushy or overly forceful 68. See illustrations 64. Mrs. Gorbachev 9. See illustrations 39. Zuider ___ 65. Common contraction 10. Superlative ending 40. Make a mistake 66. See illustrations 11. Twins of a sort 42. Morbidly overweight 67. Crichton movie 12. Extravagant 43. LOST initiative 68. Kind of skirt (hyph.) 13. Aviator Earhart 44. One of five English 69. Blow up 14. Smallest amount monarchs 70. Foreshadowed

In November, P&A started a series of Social Media Puzzles intended to help promote the magazine. Each puzzle is posted to Tumblr, Facebook, and Twitter. All four puzzles for a given month combine to form a metapuzzle. Submit the metapuzzle answer to [email protected]. One randomly chosen correct answer will receive a P&A Coffee Cup! And help us get the word out about these puzzles!

Another year, another Wes Carpenter failed attempt to save his movie studio. This time, Carpenter is now providing the subtitles for foreign language versions of the films shown below. However, something’s gone horribly wrong. What was the eventual result with these movies?

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover

An American Werewolf in Paris

Star Wars IV: A New Hope

The Seduction of Joe Tynan

Spies Like Us

The Silence of the Lambs

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

North Dallas Forty

Dan in Real Life

Serial Mom

Masters of the Universe

Dead Poets Society

3TMSTS KMMM33KSKK3MK3SM TSTTTS · STSSSSK3 3KTSMMSS 3TKSSS · MMSSMTSS3T MSSSKKSSKM33S33S3T

K3MTKSS3SSMM SMSSTT33KKKSM3STMM · M3SMTTMM3STS STMMKMMMSMTTMM · 33SSTT33 TS3K33MTMT3S S3SSTT TS33MTKK

KM33SSTS3M: TSM3MT MSS3TT3KTM3M M3TTSSSSTTSS · TSM3MT M3TTSSSSTTSS TTST KM33SSTSSK MMMT33MSM3 · TTT3MTSSKKSS33K33K 33TS TSM3MT SMMTSMTTSSSK MM333K3S

KMMS3SKTM3 KTMMTT33KKKTTKMSMM TMSM T3KKSM3TKT · 33TTM3TTSSMSSMTT 33TTMMKK3S · KSMSSSMT 3SKKTSKKSSKT

M333SKKK33TT MMMS33MKTT M3T3MT33KK 3MKKMMMSS3MK · 3KK3TTSK3T33KSKS · MMKSK333MK SSKKS33K KS.MM.

SKK3T3TMKSMMSSMSMK · MTK3KKKKKT 3SMKMSMSSS TTTT: MM33KM KSTKMS TMMSKKMS33KM 3SK333KSTT33T3MSSK · KMTTMMMTK3TMTTSS

SM3TSTTMK3 TKSK K3TMSS 3MTSTKTKKM 3MSSTTKKK3 (K3KS33KTSSMM KMTTMM T3SS33KK3TTKSM) · KMSSTTK3TMKKK3TTTSKTSS33 TTSMKM K3TMSS MKTT33333TTK33KK SK33TK3S TMSSTSTS · TSTTKKSS333MTSTTKKK3

SMSKKK 33MT3M3TKKKMSMKKTM 3SMS3K · SMSKKK TMKKMSTMMMSS T3KKKKTT · SK3MT3KT3MT3MM3T3KTT

SSTT333SMK T3MS. 3SMKSS MSMM3KTKSS33 · MMKTTK MMSSKTMMKKSS · MSTTS33STT MTKKTT3MMS MTKTS3K33MSS33MS 3SMKSS SKTT333S3KTTS3MS

TKSMMKS333 STK3MKTT33MM33K3TK · ST3MK3T333M3ST33KK · KTSSK333 T3MKSSKK33M3TK 3MKT 3MKMST33K3 TKSMMKS333

Movies teach you many things that might be usable in real life.

Start with the phrase WHAT IS REALITY?

If feeding a mogwai after midnight causes it to become a gremlin, turn the first letter 180 degrees. Otherwise, delete the last letter.

If vampires are repelled by garlic, move the second letter to the fourth position. Otherwise, move the second letter to the front.

If Jason Voorhees terrorized Camp Crystal Lake, make the second letter the same as the last letter and delete the last letter. Otherwise, make the last letter the same as the first letter.

If Dorothy landed on the Wicked Witch of the East, shift the first letter forward one space in the alphabet. Otherwise, move the fourth letter to the second position.

If Romeo poisoned himself, move the last letter to the third position. Otherwise, swap the eighth and ninth letters.

If Damien Thorn had a 666 birthmark on his scalp, swap the ninth and tenth letters. Otherwise, change the second letter to an O.

If Mary Poppins uses an umbrella to fly, change the second letter to an O. Otherwise, add a G after the first vowel.

There is a seven-letter nationality in the string. If taking the red pill allows you to perceive the Matrix, delete the last five letters of this nationality. Otherwise, delete all but the second letter of the nationality.

What on earth are you basing these results on?

THX 2GI 15 Going on 36 12401-EVIL 11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 Ronin The 208 Blows Around the World in 44 Days D1: Rise of an Empire 11 Days, 12 Nights Gone in 36 Seconds 2037: Conquest of Paradise Passenger 30 13 Angry Men 91 Hours (2152) Days of Summer Miracle on 114th Street 633: A Space Odyssey Assault on Precinct 23 36 Hrs. 10 Days of the Condor 1120000 Leagues Under the Sea

It’s important to keep track of how damaged various locations get. But it’s worth it, because it’ll be a hit!

Clues either go across or down, but A B C D E F G H I J K L M always pass through the coordinate 1 given. Bars, when added, will be symmetrical. 2

3 C5 Tree coat, we heard (3) B11 Almost agree to sail (3) 4 K9 Flagstaff educational institution 5 with schnauzer’s heart (3) 6 L3 Doctor only partially seen for a brief period of time (3) 7 G7 Judge, jump, no judge (3) 8 C2 Be next to big instrument turned over (4) 9 B10 Roam around with my Latin 10 love (4) 11 F4 Cars wrecked on curves (4) I12 Ghostly noise before medium’s 12 report (4) 13 H7 Male swan has male feature of a male bird (4) F10 Auks make bird (4) C2 First two robots’ superiors (6) I2 Attorneys maintaining one I8 It’s often put down next to a C5 A very loud song at event (6) platform (4) drink (4) F4 Surprised by pie (6) L4 Bowl type (4) F10 Note British market (4) J9 California dude coming back with a D13 One be cross at goat (4) E2 Mix cast-iron portion (4) member of the Iroquois (6) L11 Helper’s enthusiasm never L4 President from back to front to M10 Ask after block material (6) starts (4) back (4) L12 A lot of sleep both ways (6) E7 Fascinated by headless horse (4) B10 Essay about a plate (4) E7 Weights...they might be used as B5 It’s not right to allow failure to be I6 Porn’s revolting...try this incentives for speakers (6) internalized (4) antacid (4) C12 Leader has it...using bad J8 Angry about one servant (4) M10 Moobs, perhaps?! (5) checks (6) L6 Lennon’s most often seen with C4 Prevent one trying to lose weight to A6 Q-and-As about exchange (6) Yoko...that’s a mistake (2-2) lose an imaginary amount (5) L2 Speed around Los Angeles A8 Man with some oleomargarine (4) D1 Deceive a prophet (5) building (6) F8 Uh-oh...porches, but no street (4) G12 Legal expert with two pieces of H13 Bit of lotion used in many burns (6) M1 Push promotional piece an clothing, we hear (5) M5 Take down some of the weirdest excessive amount (4) K3 City rodent has muscle (5) royals (7) A6 Cleaner’s joke slightly off (1-3) G4 Back to Minutemen’s leader to get G9 Medicine with no pluck (7) E12 Got to the bottom of this more guns (5) D13 Chapter 9 is about returning my bottomless decaf? (4) C9 Brew us tea, cook (5) snacks (5 3) K12 Psychic witness (4) J9 Hey, what’s first? Pizza? Wowee (5) J3 Place by one number a metal (8)

Like most movies these days, this puzzle relies on product placement, although it is not always handled well.

1 2 3 **ENTY-S** **ORIA ST*IN** *U*HESS *ENTRA* P*** M*X**UM CO*P**ATI***Y *OM*OP*** D**SOM**I*C M*CRO**NA** SU*KE* P**** PLA*F*R** *L*SS** *IS***ER*TAND B**AKFA** P**TI**PL*

4 5 6 RA*T*****AN **NO**D* S**C**RS H*A***AR **WOR**R DI*GNO*T*** **NO*YLL*B** A*GH**IS**N *EN*LTI**TE **I***ANC*R ***OO *AL*I*O*COPE S****NO A*PL* **E **V*R*ERATI*N

7 8 9 **RFOL* *SL*ND BO*SH****T E*H****E GLYC** *I*UTE*ANT G**ERN*R **ILTIN*** U*S*R***SI*G R*E*ORI* *R**PA S***HE***G EU*O*Y AS***P P*U* R***RE *****B**T ***PPI** PAP** *IN*R* STA*

* 1 * 2 3 4 5 6 * 7 8 9 *

Who are you wearing? EIC

• Angelic Calvin (4)

• Artwork created with a pencil ELE Christian (5)

• Australian known for a pouch Coco (7) ALE • Commedia dell’arte character Donna (6)

• Eden PNS Giorgio (5) • A lot of snow Jimmy (6)

• Mexican garments with hoods GOO Kate (8)

• Not real Oscar (8) VAA • One from a cold nation Pierre (1)

• Primitive folks Ralph (7) AND • Something human-like Tom (7)

• What one irons out WRS Tory (6)

• Whitish pasta sauce Vera (6) NHS

GIY

DRI

HQI

RAI

It can be difficult to figure out where you are, but you can often use costumes to help.

6 8 6

1 2 3 6 5 6 3 2 7 4 3 2 6 1

Country (2) Capital (9) Capital (3)

8 4 5

5 2 3 8 1 2 3 1 2 3 5

State (2) Capital (3) Country (2)

5 6 6

1 2 3 4 1 6 4 3 2 5 4 1 2

Country (3) State (3) Capital (4)

9 9 6

2 3 4 5 6 4 7 8 1 6 3 2 3 6 4 1

Capital (8) Capital (6) Capital (6)

5 4 2 3 1

Stuntwork often involves using disguised stunt people instead of actors, but there’s usually something off.

• Acrid or bitter (4) + Where yonder is (5) + Jock’s rival (4) • Authentic, perhaps too much so to quit (5) + Big block of concrete (4) + Actress Spelling (4) • Crew member (2’1’1) + Smooth the surface of (4) + Circular shape (4) • Rodents (4) + Chaluim Chille, to the English (4) + Guinness or Baldwin, but not Trebek (4) • HTML keyword used to indicate a section of text (3) + Heart chambers (5) + Entreat or beseech (3) • Indian beverage (4) + Juan or Eva of Argentina (5) + A place to perch (4) • Fancy vehicle (4) + Duelist Aaron (4) + Disease-spreading bacterium (4) • Opera song (4) + Inventory (5) + Speed or pace (4) • ____ or less (4) + Landed (4) + Nought (4) • “Rah!” or “Bravo!” (5) + Stiff hair or bristle (4) + Towards the back (6) • Spanish slang for marijuana (4) + Tennis player Lendl (4) + Midsection (5) • Vote into office (5) + Common practice, especially in creative arts (5) + “Ta-ta!” (5)

Scene 1 Actors (4) Scene 2 Actors (5) • Long angry speech • They often have carrots to offer • One who samples certain dairy products • Adults at a prom, probably • Senator or representative • Smelly object for the second actor in Scene 1 • Brazilian style of music (2 wds) • Noble being • One who likes preaching • Reason to be • Cover a metal object • One from Georgia or Mississippi

80 O A D R U N N E R M CC A L K E B2

E F4 T 99 U C A T I N I R L I O S 28

L W O N R A 00 A O G N O D 80 F0 AF S

L A O I J N E S A D0 R Y O R B O 00

I N R T 99 B B T 14 N Y D0 T A E0 B H

N D E 22 F I O I K U R S T C R B 43

I A 30 E 00 N 58 C L E C M E K E Y N

T EE T R I FF O O H E1 E H FF L A F 70

N 11 I 51 A 61 E D T E U 40 A E T L A

N T I F L Z Y M 88 T 55 Y R N D A R

T DB A U G U I N B E I A F U A Y B

39 O O S E V E L T R M C I I N N A

H D6 A U H A U S E 44 A E E B E G G

40 O T T W E I L E R C N L L M R E

O AC A C H A E L R A Y L D L L A I

H S I F G I B L E E DA O R T I I C4

Time to catch up on some exciting film series.

6 ...

The * indicates that the letters appear in order in that column.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

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1. Dirt ___ (death) + Symbol for Potassium 2. Nut that cyanide supposedly tastes like, minus the vowels 3. Last name of master criminal Danny, with the last letter changed to the third 4. Suspicious + peaceful letter? 5. Richard who starred in the mystery Primal Fear 6. Dark and mysterious, like a criminal’s past, minus the vowels + fourth letter of the alphabet 7. Fictional PI Milan Jacovich lives in this state, minus the last letter 8. Jolene Jackson series author Boyd, with the L changed to an N 9. Zen riddle 10. Puts it together (in gin, that is) 11. ____, or My Mom Will Shoot! (minus the last letter) 12. Word before fiction, with the L changed to W* 13. Stand-_____ 14. Pull _____ one (2 wds) 15. Unravel or come apart + letter that can be the opposite of S or Y 16. Abbreviation for “that is”, repeated twice* 17. Two-Face’s last name, with the vowel changed to C 18. First letter of a popular mystery award* 19. “Oh, I thought you should know...” 20. TV cop T. J., minus the doubled letter 21. And Then There Were ____, with the first vowel changed to an A* 22. Alfred Hitchcock and the ____ Investigators, minus the last letter 23. 23rd letter + State where J. B. Fletcher lived (abbr.)* 24. Novelist Grafton, minus the last letter*

Sports Jerseys 2011: GA->MB: Thrashers [S] Past Tax Forms Left-hand Side 1963: NY->PA: Nationals [T] In each case, the Federal side is a country, while • 1937: lawman, reap 1984: MD->IN: Colts [O] the State side is an anagram of a state within that • 1953: nomads, sped 1937: MA->DC: Redskins [D] country minus one letter. • 1957: Ingrid, sala 1979: LA->UT: Jazz [A] Puzzle #1: 1. Carouse/Coarse/Score; 2. Traipse/ • 1960: solemn, must 1963: IL->MD: Zephyrs [Y] Pirate/Taper; 3 Lactose/Closet/Celts. Federal side • 1961: bedcover, lied spells USA. State side spells AIO (IOWA-W). • 1963: thorny, ache Tin Cans Puzzle #2: 1. Rarebit/Barter/Terra; 2. Attunes/ • 1963: vilest, Drea The solved word search is shown. Leftover letters Statue/Taste; 3. Dragnet/Argent/Great; 4. Apricot/ • 1970: coward, thin spell “Of a certain shape, soon, damaged, smell, Captor/Actor; 5 Jealous/Joules/Seoul. Federal side • 1976: lemons, Bean element, hockey team, queues, doll.” Replace spells INDIA. State side spells BUNPJ (PUNJAB-A). • 1979: burlap, file CAN in certain words to make new words matching Puzzle #3: 1. Migrate/Triage/Tiger; 2. Ovaries/ • 1980: bodega, scar these definitions: CONICAL, ANON, DENTED, ODOR, Savior/Aviso; 3. Exports/Poster/Strep; 4. Impetus/ • 1984: Camden, mute SODIUM, DUCKS, LINES, BARBIE. The new letters Septum/Temps; 5. Cinders/Diners/Rides; 6. • 1985: smokier, plate spell CANOODLE. Tedious/Duties/Suite. Federal side spells MEXICO. • 1988: amount, lily State side spells AROUND (DURANGO-G). • 2001: bobcats, parer Puzzle #4: 1. Brought/Trough/Routh; 2. Redrawn/ • 2011: Galore, coat Andrew/Waned; 3. Antsier/Insert/Rents; 4. Spritzes/Persist/Sister; 5. Reading/Danger/Grand; Right-hand Side 6. Varlets/Starve/Avert. Federal side spells BRAZIL. • nods, swiped State side spells GRIPES (SERGIPE-E). • lens, Beacon Puzzle #5: 1. Vinegar/Ravine/Riven; 2. Utensil/ • cord, within Insult/Tunis; 3. Poacher/Cheapo/Epoch; 4. • bode, scarab Dimples/Lisped/Spiel; 5. Smartie/Timers/Items; 6. • sole, Muscat Rankest/Skater/Treks; 7. Acronym/Macron/Carom. • grid, salami Federal side spells GERMANY. State side spells • be over, limned ALADRAN (SAARLAND - S). • skier, placate The answer is WAGES. • boats, partner • aunt, lazily Business Cards • lore, combat Each cryptolist is related to a card suit, except that • Thor, Apache Old Letters one entry is an actor that played the Joker. • Caen, minute Each answer starts with a different single letter. Category 1: Red Sox, Yankees, Dodgers, Giants, • lawn, redcap Y-axis, H-bomb, T-bone, M. Butterfly, S Corp, J. Rockies, Diamondbacks, Cesar Romero, Marlins, • burp, futile Crew, B. Dalton, D-Day, P. Diddy, A-frame, U-Haul, Cardinals, Brewers (Baseball teams, who play on • vest, dreamd O. Henry, R. Kelly, Z Nation, v-neck, iPhone, x-rated, Diamonds) K-rations, L. Ron Hubbard, N-Space, C-Span, f-stop, Category 2: These Dreams, Jack Nicholson, Each pair of words are connected by the removal of g-string, Q-tip, W-Two. Baracuda, Alone, Mistral Wind, What About Love?, one bigram in the first word and the insertion of a Once placed in the grid, use the first letter in place Magic Man, If Looks Could Kill, Never, Beautiful second bigram in the second word. (e.g., Lawman/ of the numbers at the bottom to get HOTMAIL Broken (Heart songs) Reap->Lawn/Redcap which involves MA->DC.) PRODUCT. The answer is E-MAIL. Category 3: Philip Marlowe, Rick Blaine, Mark Each pair of bigrams represents a sports team that Hamill, Baby Face Martin, Linus Larabee, Charlie relocated in the given year. Use the number on the Allnut, Roy “Mad Dog” Earle, Frank McCloud, Fred right as an index into the old team’s name and read C. Dobbs, Paul Fabrini (Humphrey Bogart roles, who in the right-hand order to get SUPERSONICS TODAY. also played Sam Spade) The answer is THUNDER. Category 4: Dallas Buyers, Jared Leto, The Breakfast, Fight, Paradise, Dread, The Mickey 1953: MA->WI: Braves [S] Mouse, Bad Girls, The First Wives’, Buena Vista 1976: MO->CO: Scouts [U] Social (words before Club in movie titles) 1970: WA->WI: Pilots [P] Category 5: Heath Ledger, Trump Vodka, Trump 1980: GA->AB: Flames [E] Model Management, Trump Shuttles, Trump 1960: MN->CA: Lakers [R] Steaks, Trump Marina, Trump University, Trump’s 1957: IN->MI: Pistons [S] Scent of Success, Trump Legos, Trump: The Game 1961: DC->MN: Senators [O] (Trump-branded products) 1985: MO->CA: Kings [N] Index each suit by N, where the Joker actor is the 2001: BC->TN: Grizzlies [I] Nth entry. The answer is DEALT. 1988: MO->AZ: Cardinals [C] Medicine Bottles • Remote Control Per clue 15, Dr. Stabby was prescribed 1 to 4 Arabinose pills per day. It wasn’t • Sunglasses 1 (otherwise 2 orange pills would have been prescribed, clue 16). It wasn’t 2, • Trioxin otherwise Dr. Yarrock prescribed 4 pills, which contradicts clue 10. It wasn’t 3, “Frodo: The Ring is SOLUTION WORD. It will hold you to your word” as Arabinose is neither Glucose, nor 200 mg in size (clues 5, 12). 4 Arabinose The solution word is TREACHEROUS. pills were prescribed, 5 orange pills, and 6 pills by Dr. Yarrock. Dr. Lintock did not prescribe 6 or 4 pills (above), so Dr. Lintock prescribed 2, and only 1 Dextrose Cellphones pill was prescribed (clue 7). Dr. Lintock didn’t prescribe the pill to be taken 4 The answer to each clue is a pair of words that have the same pattern on a times day, so that pill is green (clue 10). The largest pill was not prescribed 3 phone keypad (e.g., 27433 for BRIEF and ASIDE). First letters of the clues spell times daily (clue 12, 14), so the yellow pill was not prescribed 6 times, nor was “Words with only one match.” Identify instances where the two words have only it prescribed 4 times (above), so it was prescribed 2 times daily, and Dextrose one letter in common in a particular position. is the largest pill. Neither the blue pills (clue 17) nor violet pills (clue 8) are the • brief aside [I] largest, so the largest pills are red. Dr. Yarrock’s pills weren’t blue (clue 17), • raucous savants they are violet, and the pills taken 3 times day are blue. If the blue pills were • incur gnats [N] 200, the violet pills would be 100, but that contradicts clue 8. The pills taken • stomp rumor 3 times daily are Glucose. Glucose are not the largest, and are divisible by 100 • hormonic insomnia (clue 5), as are Dr. Yarrock’s pills (clue 5). This means Glucose are either 400, • unused toupee 600, or 800 in size. The Arabinose pills are divisible by 25, but not 100 (clue 5) • tombed unmade [M] and are also a square (clue 6), so they are 225 or 625 in size. They are not 225 • offkey medley (as they are larger than the Glucose, clue 3), so they are 625 in size. Glucose • canape aboard [A] is smaller in size, so they are not 800. If they were 600 in size, there would be • refugee seethed no size available for Sucrose. Glucose is 400, and Sucrose is 550 (clue 5), and • cage acid must be Dr. Lintock’s yellow pills. The violet pills are 200 (clue 17). The orange • rich shag pills must be 100mg in size (clue 5, 8). Enclose were taken one more time than • daughter fatigues the orange pills, so they are violet pills. By elimination, Otiose are the orange • sheep riffs pills. They were not prescribed by Dr. Antioch (clue 4), they were prescribed by • scot rant [T] Dr. Lampock. If Dr. Amblock prescribed the green pills, then some pill would • tsar trap be more than 1175 in size, contradicting clue 1. Dr. Dufrock prescribed the • punnier stooges [E] Glucose, Dr. Amblock prescribed the Arabinose and Dr. Antioch the Dextrose • shrunk pistol (clue 4). The largest pill was more than 950 in size, so they were 1000mg. In • invader hotbeds color order: • soothed pontiff • 1 1000 mg. red Dextrose, Dr. Antioch • steeds suffer [S] • 5 100 mg, orange Otiose, Dr. Lampock The answer is INMATES. • 2 550 mg, yellow Sucrose, Dr. Lintock • 4 625 mg, green Glucose, Dr. Amblock Water Bottles • 3 400 mg, blue Arabinose, Dr. Dufrock Arrange the squares to form a grid full of bodies of water. There is a missing • 6 200 mg, violet Enclose, Dr. Yarrock column and row in the center. To complete the grid, add RED SEA to the missing First letters of the pills spell DOSAGE and first letters of the doctors spell ALL- row, and WHO AM I? to the missing column. The answer is MOSES. DAY. If you determine total dosage, you’ll get 1000, 500, 1100, 2500, 1200, 1200. If 100=A, 200=B, then the numbers form the word JEKYLL. C D M C O T T O N W O O D M N Sawblades I N I D A V I S Unbladed: 1: epodes, 2: retool, 3: Reiser, 4: spiced; 5: redraw, 6: roiled; 7. Air S G T A H O E C E Bud, 8. pet rat, 9. Teller, 10. Denny’s S O G K K P O Bladed: dubstep, relined, warrior, loopier, sedator, decoder, syncope, reships, O S G I L A A A E E C tartlet, deliria S U L U A R D P N O R T H R P A N A M A E U Z E Bladed answers are formed by the last three letters of an unbladed answer, a I E G O N T A R I O S letter in the tooth, and the first three letters of the next unbladed answer. The R E D S E A teeth spell out APHORISTIC. I S U E Z A P C O T A R N O E Hazardous Materials O R C R T T S A The Warnings clue various movie objects that have specific warnings, or L A O D A N U B E K dangers: U R O S S I R G N I L E • Ark of the Covenant M P O T O M A C E E • Book of the Dead B A L I I T L G • Cursed Videotape I A T I T I C A C A • Holy Grail A M A Z O N C L E N A • Mogwai • Red Ryder BB Gun CDs In the crossword, several entries go beyond the edge of the grid. These create four new entries: _ADONN_, EN_A, AD_LE, and BJO_K. Add letters to spell the names of four female recording artists: Madonna, Enya, Adele, and Bjork. These new letters spell MAYER.

The Green Issue Each answer is a transaddition of a kind of green. Below shows the recycling steps. The answer is WE’RE TOO JADED. Note that you can skip the steps altogether and take answers in the order the puzzles were given in the magazine.

Step 1-3: TREACHEROUS WAGES WAGES (SAGE+W) MOSES (MOSS+E) THUNDER MOSES JEKYLL MAYER INMATES INEPT CANOODLE EMAIL APHORISTIC DELTA Step 4-5: APHORISTIC APHORISTIC (PISTACHO+R) CANOODLE INMATES JEKYLL THUNDER TREACHEROUS MAYER INEPT EMAIL DELTA Step 6 DELTA EMAIL MAYER INEPT TREACHEROUS INMATES THUNDER JEKYLL CANOODLE Step 7: MAYER DELTA MAYER (ARMY+E) TREACHEROUS EMAIL THUNDER INEPT JEKYLL INMATES CANOODLE Step 8 THUNDER TREACHEROUS EMAIL JEKYLL DELTA INEPT CANOODLE INMATES Step 9 THUNDER TREACHEROUS INEPT INEPT JEKYLL DELTA INMATES INMATES CANOODLE Step 10-11: JEKYLL TREACHEROUS INEPT THUNDER INEPT (PINE+T) CANOODLE DELTA INMATES EMAIL Step 12: JEKYLL TREACHEROUS INMATES THUNDER TREACHEROUS (CHARTREUSE+O) CANOODLE DELTA EMAIL Step 13 CANOODLE DELTA INMATES EMAIL JEKYLL THUNDER Step 14 CANOODLE INMATES EMAIL JEKYLL DELTA, THUNDER Step 15-16: CANOODLE EMAIL INMATES CANOODLE (CELADON+O) JEKYLL THUNDER DELTA JEKYLL (KELLY+J) EMAIL (LIME+A) THUNDER (HUNTER+D) INMATES (MANTIS+E) DELTA (TEAL+D) n Answers to Warmup Puzzles

Cover Puzzle Logic Puzzle While it’s possible to hit one of the words on the target, it’s also possible to hit Roberta White has a white bowl (clue 1) and scored 0 for appearance (clue 4). a body part to complete each word. She did not score 4, 2, or 1 for flavor (clue 3) or 0 (above), so it scored 3 and • C-RAW/HAND-LER included cherry tomatoes and tangerine. Britta did not score 0 for flavor, and is • CH-ANGEL/ARM-ING not Ms. Brown (clue 1), so she had a brown bowl and scored 1 for flavor. Billie is • DE-LINE/LEG-ATE not Brown (clue 1) so Georgia is, and Billie scored 0 for flavor. Willa is Ms. Black. • DE-PUT/LIVER-Y The woman who used peach scored 3 for appearance, and of the women in clue • DIAG-RAM/NOSE-S 3, can only be Ms. Brown. The woman who scored 1 for appearance scored 4 for • MA-GNAT/CHIN-ES flavor, and 2 for appearance scored 1 for flavor. Willa’s bowl was not red (clue • P-REACH/LUNG-ER 4) or black (above), so it was green. The woman who scored 2 for appearance is • S-WIT/EAR-CH Ms. Red, and Ms. Green is Billie. The woman who used a black bowl can only be • SUN-BATH/SHIN-E Billie Green, and Georgia used a red bowl, and Roberta used cantaloupe. The woman who used a Carolina Reaper can only be Willa. The woman who scored Sketchy Characters 3 for heat must be Britta, and she used tomatilloes. Roberta scored 2 for heat, 1. Monty Python’s Flying Circus and Georgia scored 4. The beefsteak tomatoes were used by Georgia (clue 6). 2. Saturday Night Live The woman who scored for 1 for consistency is Roberta, which means Billie 3. In Living Color used plum tomatoes and by elimination Willa used heirloom. Britta scored 4 for 4. The Kids in the Hall consistency, so she used the Bhut Jolokia. Roberta did not use the Infinity chili 5. SCTV (clue 5), she used the Trinidad Scorpion, and Billie used the Infinity chili. Billie 6. The State did not score 2 for consistency, she scored 3 and Willa scored 2 for consistency. 7. The Edge Billie’s salsa scored lower overall than the woman who used orange, so Britta 8. Turn-On must have used orange. Willa used key lime (clue 7) and Billie used lime. In 9. Human Giant summary: Britta Red, brown bowl of tomatillo, Bhut Jolokia, orange, and Schnapps salsa Quote Square (scoring 3, 1, 2, 4) Pullman [Column 1], Daniels [Column 7], Crystal [Column 5], Ferrell [Row 2], Georgia Brownn, red bowl of beefsteak, naga viper, Meyer lemon, and peach Shatner [Row 3], Lumpkin [Column 4], Buckner [Column 6], Vanessa [Column salsa (scoring 4, 2, 3, 0) 2], Bradley [Row 6], Clinton [Row 7], Buffalo [Column 3], Holiday [Row 4], Billie Green, black bowl of plum, Infinity chili, lime, and Fresca salsa (scoring Withers [Row 5], Wallace [Row 1] 1, 0, 4, 3) “Only in grammar can you be more than perfect.” William Safire Willa Black, green bowl of heirloom, Carolina Reaper, key lime and kiwi salsa (scoring 0, 4, 1, 2) Sixty-Second Test Roberta White, white bowl of cherry, Trinidad Scorpion, tangerine, and mandrill, Maxwell, margin call, Macaroni Grill, Magic 8-Ball, mad as hell, cantaloupe salsa (scoring 2, 3, 0, 1) Malcolm Gladwell, Margaret Mitchell, marked bill, masquarade ball Cryptolistamania Word Garden Party Down: shindig, hootenanny, clambake, cocktail party, gathering, roast, Identity, Supremacy, Ultimatum, Retribution, Betrayal, Sanction, Deception, birthday, wingding, soiree, mixer Objective, Dominion, Imperative. Extra letters spell “Bourne again.” (All of the Water Down: Dew, Trickle, Puddle, Rivulet, Creek, Lagoon, Lake, Channel, Sea, words follow ‘The Bourne’ in Robert Ludlum’s Bourne series.) Ocean Buckle Down: zipper, snap, fastener, suspenders, shoelace, belt, velcro, button, Jawdroppin’ metal hook, cufflink “My body is very attracted to your body but when you speak my brain gets Stand Down: The Shining, Revival, Carrie, Misery, The Green Mile, Needful angry.” Things, Different Seasons, Insomnia, Firestarter, The Dark Half Keep Down: Moat, Guard Tower, Drawbridge, Throne Room, Dungeon, Lower Bailey, Chapel, Parapets, Barbican, Pinnacle Thumbs Down: Bomb, Turkey, Dud, Box Office Poison, Flop, Critical Failure, Bust, Debacle, Clunker, Fizzle Pinwheel

Sniffling Crosswords Illustrated Crosswords