March 30, 2011 Single Issue Free, Additional Copies 25 Cents 4 Pages Mascot Change It’s Back ferris state Ferris to drop “S” in FSU, Page 3 Bridge card funds to be returned students, Page 2 TocrhApril Fool’s Edition Truth, Fairness & Accuracy Since 1931 visit us online www.fsutorch.com We got the Bieb! Ferris Fest to feature teen sensation

Brandy VanDenbrook have heard from his people that she has A&E Editor been concerned about him being touched inappropriately by female fans. Never say never, FSU students. Teen “I don’t know if it’s true that this sup- pop phenomenon Justin Bieber will be posed girlfriend of his is coming to Ferris replacing Sean Kingston as the headliner Fest with him, but if she does I’m not at Ferris Fest this year. afraid to take her on,” said Krista Breeze, When news broke that Kingston could sophomore in the box making program. “I not make it to Ferris Fest this year due to a don’t know who she thinks she is trying to very severe paper cut, many students won- get with my man, but I will smack her up. dered who would be replacing him as the She may have to lose a few chunks of hair, headliner. Rumors spread like wildfire and but in the end it will all be worth it when many thought a good performer would not Justin realizes how much he loves me.” be able to be booked on such short notice. The male population doesn’t seem so “I really thought we were going to thrilled with the news though. get somebody lame like Miley Cyrus or “Why on Earth would they have that Britney Spears,” said underwater basket little weenie come to Ferris? He needs a weaving junior Mandy Moore. “I really haircut and honestly, he’s just a punk. I am not interested in attending a concert could break him in half,” said Channing that has some washed up celebrity jump- Murray, junior in the professional model- ing around on stage half naked screeching ing poser program. “I really don’t under- about how a guy at a club wants to have stand why girls are so attracted to him sex with them.” anyway. He hasn’t even hit puberty yet.” Other students thought Ferris Fest Brad Burger, junior in the deejay pro- would simply fall through as an event this gram, said, “The only reason I’m going year. is because I heard Selena Gomez might “It honestly wouldn’t have surprised show up. At least one out of the two girls me if they simply set up a big sound sys- is worth going to watch.” tem in the middle of the quad and told us “I was going to attend Ferris Fest, to gather around that and act like we were but now I’m not so sure,” said Chad at a good concert,” said Brian McAdams, Muffler, freshman in the table cloth mak- senior in the pickle packing program. “I ing program. “I guess Justin Bieber is all try not to get my hopes up because I’m right, but I would prefer somebody like used to being disappointed.” Rihanna, Beyonce, or Taylor Swift. They But Entertainment Unlimited did come are gorgeous and I’d much rather watch through for Ferris students by getting the them jumping around on stage than some one and only Justin Bieber. The student 12-year-old dude.” body is in a frenzy as everyone is buzzing Whether you love him or hate him, the over the news. Bieb will be taking the stage on April 16 “When I found out, I was like, ‘O-M-G in the campus quad from 12 - 5 p.m. To my future husband is going to be here,’” lodge a complaint or to get more informa- said Ally Gosling, freshman in the ghost tion in general, contact wedontcarewhaty- hunting program. “He is totally my idol. [email protected]. We’ll just have to I even have a poster of him on my ceiling wait and see if FSU students catch Bieber so that his face is the last thing I see every Fever.  night before I go to sleep.” Apparently the Bieb may not be alone when he comes I guess Justin Bieber is all right, but I would to FSU. There is prefer somebody like Rihanna, Beyonce, or a rumor circulat- ing that he insist- Taylor Swift. They are gorgeous and I’d much ed his supposed “rather watch them jumping around on stage girlfriend Selena than some 12-year-old dude. Photo Courtesy of MCT Gomez will Bieber Fever Chad Muffl er accompany him Ferris State University” Justin Bieber will be replacing Sean Kingston as the headliner at Ferris Fest 2011. Ferris Fest will be held on April to Big Rapids 16 in the campus quad from 12 to 5 p.m. for the show. We

Google It In This Issue University to add general education classes for Web Exclusive new social media degree, Page 25 See more www.fsutorch.com Demolition Farewell to Football The first 100 people to comment on the online FLITE to be replaced with Michigan’s largest Football program cut to make room for water article will receive VIP passes to meet Justin Internet cafe, 6A polo and cricket, 8C Bieber at Ferris Fest. Page 2 Wednesday, March 30, 2011 FERRIS STATE TORCH Higher education Ferris approves medical marijuana on campus Greg Buckner sales tax and that state-funded Sports Editor institutions can now grow and sell marijuana with the proper In a surprise announcement license,” said Jay Tumbleweed, this week, Ferris State stated that a staff physician at Birkam. “So starting on April 20, students Ferris applied for the license to will be able to apply for a medi- distribute and produce marijuana cal marijuana card at Birkam and received approval.” Health Center. summer tour this year,” said Jeff tions with the Middle East,” said Beard said the proposed “It’s great that Ferris is total- As Michigan universities Spicoli, a five-year freshman at senior philosophy major Jeff plan will bring in an additional ly grooving with the vibes of have had to make up for lost Ferris. “So I’m going to have to Lebowski. “Otherwise, I can’t $750,000 to the university in the student body,” said Alice funding from the state, many get my prescription and watch get my creative juices flowing, the next two years from sales of Kramden, an undeclared sopho- schools have looked to alterna- The Life Aquatic with Steve and that whole depression thing medical marijuana. more at Ferris. “Now my RA tive ways to help cover the defi- Zissou to try and figure out my too or whatever I told them I “We’ve got kids around here will get off of my case when I’m cit. life after such heavy news.” have.” with extra money after financial taking bong rips because I’m In a loophole in Governor Birkam will add a dispensary While the student body has aid refunds anyway,” said Beard. super stressed from forgetting to Rick Snyder’s proposed bud- room in the pharmacy of the embraced the new development, “So why not just let the students do my homework.” get for the fiscal year, public building this week, with students Ferris faculty is bracing for the use that money for marijuana if Although the administering universities can now administer having over 30 strains of canna- new influx of “enlightened” stu- they need it? They would have of prescriptions is up to the dis- applications and open dispen- bis available as medication when dents. just spent it on a new television cretion of the doctor, the most saries for medical marijuana at April 20 rolls around. “These kids are all on dope anyway.” common condition reported by on-campus medical centers. “I’m hoping that I can get anyway,” said John Wooderson, Students will be able to apply students applying is depression. “We became aware of a stipu- a prescription just so I can fin- an accounting professor at for a card to possess up to an “I’m going to apply just lation in the state budget that ish my thesis paper on how Ferris. “Just more kids that I can ounce of marijuana at any given because I’m bummed out that states that the sale of medical Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the mark down for not showing up time if they receive a prescrip- the Dave Matthews Band isn’t marijuana will now require a Money explains the current state to class. I get a sick thrill out of tion from a doctor at Birkam. making a Michigan stop on their of United State’s foreign rela- it anyway.”  FSU shirts are back Back and better Racy shirts are now being sold by than ever Many Ferris students will have their Amazon to decrease revenue gap Bridge Card benefi ts doubled

Joe King the state to pose in the rede- the Music Industry Management Kaitlin Dupon excited that now I can save even Apparel Liaison signed shirts. Other trademarked Program, believes that the shirts Photo Editor more money by making all my After low funding and apparel will include sweatshirts, are going to come back in full Beginning April 15, the alcohol purchases with my card. recent budget cuts, Ferris State shorts and baby bibs. Amazon swing. Michigan Department of Human This change will really help pull University has pitched the idea marketing director Cal Pengin “A lot of buzz has been swirl- Services will begin to reimburse me out of debt.” Engles believes to sell the controversial “FSU” thinks the models will really ing around campus about the college students’ Bridge Cards. that some people may abuse the shirts to Amazon and the Internet help drive sales by providing a return of the shirts. I know I DHS has stated that to make card with the new benefits. giant is fully on board. “wholesome image.” am going to be online at up for the confusion and incon- The source of funds for the President Eisler made this “It is a proven 6 a.m. to buy the venience, they will also be dou- newly reimbursed Bridge Card bold decision last week and is fact that mod- firstf one. I can’t bling the current benefits of any will come out of Michigan uni- now collaborating with a few els improve waitw to wear it student who was told their ben- versities’ budgets. This new designers to start working on the any prod- tot party’s and efits would be cancelled. source of income will result in new look. ucts sales,” letl everyone The director of DHS has also a rise in the cost of tuition for “The old shirts were so plain, said knowk that announced that card holders will many Michigan universities, but I liked the message it gave Pengin. when I now be able to buy alcohol on including Ferris State. Christine and I wanted to make sure the “I’m walk into a the cards. In the past no card Smith, a Ferris accounting stu- style matched,” said Eisler. predict- place, I am holder has been able to purchase dent, agrees redeeming the To increase profits, Ferris ing we’ll sell ready to any sort of alcohol beverages as Bridge Cards will have positive decided to outsource the manu- 5,000 shirts in taket on anything,” it wasn’t seen as a necessity. and negative effects. facturing and printing to China. the first hour said Cheese. Ferris student Marissa Engles, “A lot of students really need It is rumored the design is in its alone.” President Eisler junior in pharmacy, was one of those Bridge Cards to feed them- final stages and will be in pro- At a $20 price isi proud of his the students who received a let- selves and our tuition is already duction as early as next week. tag, the revenues decisiond to bring ter first stating her card was rising, so if it rises a little more Teddy Grahm, a financial will be divided backb the shirts and being cancelled and then stating for those students to eat than management advisor, is get- between Amazon encourages every- her card was being given back that’s the price we pay,” stated ting ready for the new designs and the univer- one to support their to her. Smith. and the possible chaos the sales sity. Half of the universityu proudly. “When I was informed I The Bridge Card changes might bring. revenue will go toward “Although racy with the would have my Bridge Card will take effect on April 15. “We will start selling the the university’s budget deficit, slogan, we have to start appeal- back and with double benefits, Approximately 1,000 Ferris shirts on April 8. We know they 40 percent will cover material ing to the kids these days. If they I was beyond pumped; it’s just students can expect to receive will be in high demand, and we costs and 10 percent going to want racy, they will get racy. one less thing I have to worry letters stating they will be reim- are preparing for Black Friday Amazon. Ferris is looking at After all, without their tuition about,” said Engles. bursed throughout the first two  conditions,” said Grahm. every option to increase revenue money, what would Ferris be?” Engles also commented on weeks of April. Amozon hired models from after recent cutbacks. said Eisler.  the fact that she will now be different colleges all round Richard Cheese, a senior in able to purchase alcohol. “I am FERRIS STATE TORCH Wednesday, March 30, 2011 Page 3 Th e (half) Hopping naked truth to a new Ferris administrators fi nd a new way to pay the bills

Ryan Partial nothing less than scandalous. at the local strip club, includ- beginning Ferris State Torch Dancers take the stage in noth- ing members of administration. With the costs of living going ing more than a g-string, corset, That solitary administrator is up, and the salary rates for fac- thong bikini, or occasional dia- none other than President David New name and mascot ulty going down, administrators per. Eisler. at Ferris State are having some “They show a lot of skin, “Eisler’s the star of the difficulty making ends meet. alright,” said former dancer and show,” said Maureen Milly- represent positive changes The solution: moonlighting. Ferris instructor Phillipa Moss. Ferguson, an FSU hospitality Some administrative members “I used to freeze my buns off management senior who wishes Jessie Ledger a positive change for Ferris. He perform magic tricks on street back in my day.” to remain anonymous. “He gets Beat Writer said Ferris will continue to pro- corners. Some remove garbage The “day” Moss is referring up there in his loincloth, playing After some critical thinking, vide a strong, solid education from the street at night. Others to is, in fact, last Tuesday. Chattanooga Choo-choo on his Ferris officials have decided it’s to all students even though it is remove their clothes to loud, “I think it is sad what they’re clarinet… he rocks the house.” time to make some changes to now “Ferris University” and the exciting music at Big Rapids’ doing,” said vice president of Eisler was unable to comment the university’s image. mascot is a kangaroo. very own exotic nightclub. finance and administration Jerry at this time, but did return an Ferris President David Eisler “Ferris University Kangaroos: “It’s hard out here for a pro- Scoby. “I wouldn’t dream of autographed photo of himself in and the Board of Trustees have I like the sound of that, it’s fessor,” said Dr. Gordan Weever, doing what they’re doing. Never the now infamous loincloth. decided it’s time to drop “State” definitely a fresh, new name and professor of disposable econom- again.” Unlike most Ferris faculty from Ferris’ title, therefore chang- sweet mascot,” said a junior in ics. “We’re simply not good at Scoby can be remembered who are required to dance to ing “Ferris State University” to music industry management. anything else. Some of us get as having a two-man burlesque avoid the imminent threat of “Ferris University.” “There will only be changes desperate.” show in Las Vegas alongside bone-crushing poverty, Eisler is “Since we are implementing for the better,” Eisler added. It is a sight not uncommon vice president of university one of the few that performs many changes throughout the Work has begun on removing throughout the state. Since late advancement and marketing simply out of recreation. university, we have carefully the previous iconic Brutus the 2007, the number of university John Willey. “What’s the man supposed to made the decision to alter Ferris’ Bulldog mascot and adding Kurt professors in Michigan—male “He’s lying,” Willey said. do?” said Milly-Ferguson. “He’s name in order to represent such the Kangaroo to the exterior of and female—entering the adult “Those were his best days. He got a very passionate audience.” changes,” Eisler said. the university. entertainment industry has risen would return to the stage in There are currently no plans In addition to the changes, A kangaroo mascot costume by a whopping 230 percent. a heartbeat, given the opportu- for pay increases or promotions officials have found it suitable is also being ordered as well. Although the club in Big nity.” for faculty members, and until to change Ferris’ mascot along Applications are now being Rapids is known for its non- As of February, at least nine they see that problem addressed, with the name. The new mascot taken for those who would like nudity policy, the shows put on Ferris faculty and administration we will see them undressed.  is Kurt the Kangaroo. to play the role of Kurt at sports each night can be described as members were “dual-enrolled” Kurt the Kangaroo was cho- and community events. sen since staff and students have There is only one condition agreed that Ferris University is for becoming Kurt: Whoever a unique college and deserves a gets the mascot position must unique mascot. hop around like a kangaroo at A sophomore in optometry all times. No walking will be said, “I’ve never heard of a permitted. school with a kangaroo for a Since the name and mascot mascot. I think it’s pretty cool. have changed, the decision of Kangaroos are neat animals.” changing the school’s colors is Another student agreed the still in discussion. kangaroo is a good fit for a “We still may want to keep a mascot. “Sure, kangaroos look piece of the past to remind us all innocent, but they can be vicious of where Ferris came from and and know how to fight,” said a where it is today – we’re still freshman in pre-biology. unsure if we want to change the For quite some time now, colors,” said Eisler. officials have been debating Some of the color choices whether or not such a dramatic include red and white, purple change for the university should and orange, or blue and green. take place; however, after many The decision will be made with- discussions, they have all agreed in the next month. the name and mascot change In addition, the previous slo- will reflect upon the university gan, “Imagine More” will be in a positive manner. changed to “Hop to Victory.” President Eisler said this is This announcement was made  the beginning of a new era and last week. FU Page 4 Wednesday, March 30, 2011 FERRIS STATE TORCH Co-ed Rooms Miller Hall now houses both males and females in the same room, will implement more for fall 2011

Reid Enright have to make sacrifices at cer- Freelance Reporter tain times. These students will be placed in situations unlike After long hours working on ever before and we hope to pro- the renovations to Ward and vide an experience they will Masselink Halls, the finish date never forget,” said Third. has been pushed back once The housing office is not very again. happy with allowing both males With Carlisle Hall now being and females to live in the same added to the renovation list, room, but they understand it has housing is trying new ways to to be done. New rules and guide- figure out where to place every- lines, such as toilet seat lid posi- one next year. Some halls may tion, are currently being updated have up to three people living in in the housing contract. one room while others may be Due to adult activities that living with different sex room- could happen behind closed mates. doors, the housing office is Miller Hall, the current sub- investing in small, one-person stance free residence hall, began beds and installing cameras in allowing residents to be co-ed every room. by room as an experiment. This Photo By: Angie Walukonis | Photographer Justin Crustin Melons, a option is not sitting well with Co-Ed Roomies freshman in the GALA program, officials, but they understand Tristan Willingham and Hannah Thome are newly placed roommates in Miller Hall. Co-ed dorm rooms will become more integrated in is excited that within his first fall of 2011. what needs to be done so reno- year away from home he will get vations can be on schedule. to live with a female. Hurd the Third, the supreme added, “It is college and you is the substance free hall, most and decide if this may be a “I realize that the new beds vice president for Housing only get to live once.” people are not worried that there viable option for future years. If will be really tiny, but I am hop- Affairs, believes next year will Just to be safe, the housing will be any drunken hookups in this system works and poses no ing to be able to woo her with be a challenge for on-campus office teamed up with Planned the building. problems, it may turn out to be a my stunning eyes and maybe students, but also a learning Parenthood and is thumb tacking This new style of living is permanent living condition. she will let me push the beds experience for all. condoms around Miller Hall’s potentially only going to be for What is your stance together,” said Melons. “These kids are adults now, hallways to make sure residents the next school year, but hous- on this issue? Please With a grin on his face, he  they have to understand that you play it safe. Since Miller Hall ing will evaluate the system comment online.