Mindy Project Spec Script

"From Mindy to Eternity"

written by

Shannon Hollsten

Shannon Hollsten 210-860-0419 [email protected] Previously On: The Mindy Project

Mindy and Danny just found out that they’re expecting a baby together. Jeremy is in a permanent struggle to move Schulman and Associates into the future and Morgan and Tamra have broken up, but remain close friends. COLD OPEN

INT. SHULMAN'S WOMEN'S HEALTH ASSOCIATES - MINDY'S OFFICE - MORNING Mindy sits at her desk eating an extra-jumbo chocolate, chocolate chip muffin and looking at patient charts. Morgan walks in her room carrying a package.

MORGAN Special delivery for Doctor L. Mindy beams. MINDY A package? Oh my god, getting stuff is one of my favorite things. MORGAN I know. I'm the same way. Today on the subway someone gave me a half- eaten sandwich. Delicious. Mindy ignores him as she rips into the package. She holds up an amazing one-piece suit. She beams. MINDY Oh my god! My swimsuit! MORGAN That's hot, Doctor L! Like a pink dog at a plushie convention hot. MINDY I totally forgot about it. I saw it on Giselle in a magazine like, 2 months ago and just knew that I could look so much hotter. Danny walks in, carrying a bill.

DANNY Hey Mindy, what's a "Kensington pram?" It costs more than a year's gym membership... He looks up and sees her holding the suit. DANNY (CONT’D) What's that? 2.

MINDY It's my new swimsuit! Isn't it sexy? DANNY No, I was talking about that carb- loaded baby killer on your desk.

She looks down at her muffin. MINDY It's got banana in it. I think. And I'm eating for two now, so it's like half the calories. Danny goes to fight her on that but thinks better of it. DANNY That's a nice suit babe, but, you're not going to be wearing that any time soon. MINDY (defensively) What? You don't think I can rock this? Because I can! Giselle doesn't have the monopoly on swimsuit hotness, ok?! MORGAN Ew. Gross. Giselle? She's only hot if you like "perfect,"skinny," "tanned," "foreign," "model-types."

MINDY ...Thank you, Morgan. DANNY No, I just meant that your pregnant. And that's not a maternity suit. There's no skirt on it or anything. Mindy's taken aback. MINDY Uh, this is the perfect maternity suit. It shows off all my awesome pregnancy curves. DANNY Sure hon. Maybe when you've had the baby... 3.

Mindy gasps. She gets on her phone and pulls up a RICH DIGS vacation rental site. She furiously searches the site. MINDY You do NOT know what you're talking about. I am going to wear this. Now. DANNY What are you doing? I know that look. Mindy... Danny tries taking the phone away from Mindy. She pulls away and runs out to reception.

INT. SHULMAN'S WOMEN'S HEALTH ASSOCIATES - RECEPTION - (CONTINUOUS) MINDY No! You're not taking this away from me. BEVERLY That's what I said about my Miss America Crown.

Mindy focuses on the phone as Danny chases her unsuccessfully around the counter. Morgan runs interference. MORGAN Dr. C, I can't let you ruin Dr. L's dreams. Jeremy enters the office. JEREMY REED People. We can't fight like this every time a reality show celebrity becomes one of our clients. Mindy raises her phone triumphantly and leans on the counter, out of breath. MINDY There! Done. Beach vacation planned. Danny throws his arms up. TAMRA We're going on a beach vacation? 4.

MINDY No, Danny and I are. We are staying in the Hamptons... She looks at her phone and reads the details of the house she just rented. MINDY (CONT’D) In an eight-bedroom mansion on the water. Danny gets around Morgan. DANNY EIGHT bedrooms? How many people are going on this vacation? He snatches Mindy's phone from her hands. DANNY (CONT’D) That costs more than that pram thing! MINDY That "pram thing" is a stroller, Danny. It's very elegant. Anything that's good enough for Princess Charlotte is good enough for our baby.

Jeremy looks over Danny's shoulder and sees the address. JEREMY That's in Southampton. Very nice. DANNY We can't afford this! Seeing the crazy look in Danny's eyes, Mindy scrambles. MINDY The baby made me do it! TAMRA Why don't you get a few people to go with you and split it. That's what normal people do. MORGAN Excellent plan. We're in. I can give you everything I have in my pocket. (MORE) 5.

MORGAN (CONT’D) Which is - seven dollars, a couple of bacon-flavored dog treats - delicious - and a floss-pick, but I'd like to keep that if you don't think you're going to use it. DANNY No, Morgan... JEREMY No, Tamra's actually got the right idea. Concierge doctors are a Southampton commodity. We'll make it a work trip. We can build our business and gain some clients who can actually pay their bills. DANNY And we can pay for it as a business expense? JEREMY REED If we gain a client or two, I don't see why not. TAMRA Ooh great, I'm in. BEVERLY Well I can't go. I've been banned from the Hamptons ever since I sought revenge on a powerful family for my father's wrongful conviction and ultimate prison murder. It turned out to be a complicated, multi-person cover-up for corporate greed. Everyone stares at Beverly. Mindy turns to Danny. DANNY Look, Mindy, do you really think a beach trip is the best idea? You're in your third trimester now and it's a lot of stress. MINDY Stress? No, there's no stress. This may be the best idea I've ever had. It'll be one last hurrah with Mindy and Danny before the baby gets here. Just you, me, the ocean air... 6.

DANNY The rest of the office staff... MINDY Well, yeah, that's just a small hiccup. But this is going to be amazing and romantic. You'll see. Morgan walks up to them. MORGAN Question: is this a nude beach, or will I have to wear my speedo thong? Danny walks away. MINDY This is totally fixable! END COLD OPEN 7.

ACT ONE

INT - WOMEN'S WELLNESS VAN - LATE MORNING Danny drives the van with the rest of the group sitting in the back. Morgan and Tamra are playing Go Fish, Mindy is plucking her eyebrows and Jeremy is doing work. Jeremy turns to talk to the group. JEREMY Alright everyone, listen up. I have done research to maximize our recruiting efforts and I've deduced that this should be our primary target. He pulls out Page Six from his briefcase with socialite RIZZO ST. JANE on the cover. He now has Mindy's full attention. MINDY Rizzo St. Jane - the Queen of the Hamptons - is pregnant? I wonder if we have the same due date. Our babies could be best friends. I could be giving birth to the next Kim Kardashian. DANNY Veto. No way. JEREMY She is pregnant and as luck would have it, her OB/GYN died in an unfortunate whaling accident last week. TAMRA Dr. Reed! That's awful! JEREMY Actually Tamra, its perfect. She is now in need of a new doctor. MORGAN Oh! So we can become her new doctors! Jeremy is trying not to be exasperated. 8.

JEREMY ...exactly. And if we get her, our concierge services will be in demand by the entire pregnant elite. Danny pulls the van to a stop in front of the mansion. DANNY We're here. They all file off the bus.

EXT. - HAMPTONS MANSION - LATE MORNING (CONTINUOUS) The group stares up at the mansion, all looking way into the sky as if it's a skyscraper. MORGAN Nice job, Dr. L! TAMRA This place is dope!

MINDY (tearing up) All my dreams are coming true. JEREMY Alright, we've only got a few days, so let's all unpack and get to work. "Shulman and Associates Hamptons Concierge OB/GYN Service" is open for business. MINDY That name is ridiculous. JEREMY But I've already made business cards... He pulls a card out of his pocket. MINDY Besides, I can't help you. I'm feeling a little morning sickness coming on - you know, because of the baby that I am creating in my own body - I think it would be best to stay here and get some fresh ocean air. 9.

Mindy heads toward the house, smiling. DANNY (clears throat) I better, uh, make sure she's ok. JEREMY Come on, guys. I know you're not sick, Mindy! TAMRA Well, if they're not workin', I'm not. Sorry Dr. Reed, majority rules.

Tamra exits toward the house, too. Morgan steps closer to Jeremy and puts his arm around his shoulder. MORGAN Don't worry, Dr. Reed, you've still got me.

JEREMY Thank you, Morgan, I appreciate your loyalty. MORGAN Unless you don't need me, that is. I mean, I've never been to the beach before. And you don't really pay me enough to take a vacation. Ever. JEREMY Just...go.

MORGAN Thanks Dr. R! Morgan races off toward the house leaving Jeremy standing alone next to the van.

MORGAN (CONT’D) Shotgun on the attic!

EXT. - HAMPTONS MANSION PORCH - AFTERNOON

Mindy emerges from a bedroom wearing a total Hamptons beach look, including her new suit. Danny is sitting on the porch. He's wearing long sleeves, pants, and a ridiculous - if feminine looking - giant sun hat. 10.

MINDY Ta-Da!

She does a spin showing Danny her new suit. DANNY Whoa, whoa, whoa, babe...we've got to cover you up.

He stands up, picks up a giant beach blanket and wraps it around Mindy. MINDY (smiling) Is this 'cause I'm so hot you're worried about other guys seeing and stealing me away?

DANNY What? No, do you see how bright it is out here? It's a cancer mecca. We've got to protect you. He grabs a tube of sunscreen and starts smearing it on her nose. MINDY What are you doing? Danny, stop! I'm fine. I'm Indian, Danny. My people are made for the sun. We don't burn like you - it's what makes up for all the additional screening we have to go through at airports. She throws the blanket off. MINDY (CONT’D) Besides. This suit is not meant to be covered up. Wait, why aren't you in your suit? DANNY Oh, I'm not leaving this house. No way. I've never had a burn in my life and I'm not starting now. I've worked too long and too hard to keep my skin looking young and youthful to throw it all away with SPF recklessness. A New Yorker is good in the sun for two, three minutes tops per day. 11.

MINDY You're not coming to the beach with me? But, what about our From Here to Eternity moment? We can't roll around romantically in the waves if you don't get near the water. DANNY Don't get me started on the water. Do you know what's out there? Sharks, jellyfish, parasites, sea snakes, stingrays... Mindy stops him. MINDY OK, first of all, they're called "eels" Danny, sea snakes is just juvenile. And fine, if you don't want to sit next to your beautiful pregnant girlfriend as she shames the rest of women on this beach, well, then I will go by myself.

She angrily picks up a lawn chair, a tote bag, an inflated beach ball and a foot long sandwich and awkwardly tries to huff off in the direction of the beach. DANNY Mindy...wait. Mindy pauses and gets a small smile on her face thinking Danny changed his mind. He comes up to her carrying an industrial sized bottle of SPF 150. DANNY (CONT’D) Will you please take this with you? Skin cancer is nothing to fool around with. He drops it in her tote bag, the weight pulling down Mindy's arm before she walks away, defeated.

EXT. - RIZZO ST. JANE'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON Jeremy rings the doorbell to the house. We see the Shulman and Associates van in the background. He adjusts his tie as he waits. A MAID opens the door. JEREMY Good day, I'm Dr. Jeremy Reed and was looking for Ms. St. Jane. 12.

The maid rolls her eyes and sighs before opening the door to let in Jeremy. JEREMY (CONT’D) (surprised) Oh! That was easy.

INT - RIZZO ST. JANE'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON (CONTINUOUS) The maid shows Jeremy into the living room where a few other people already waiting. Jeremy turns to the maid - who is already walking away - to protest. JEREMY There must be some mistake you see, I'm here to offer concierge OB/GYN services to Ms. St. Jane. BRENDAN (O.S.) Oh, there's no mistake. Jeremy turns and sees BRENDAN and DUNCAN - the MIDWIVES standing behind him. JEREMY What are you doing here? BRENDAN The same thing as you, it appears. But, I fear you may have wasted your time. Hamptonites are very in tune with holistic, birthing practices. We've been concierging here for a number of years now. JEREMY Well I hope you're prepared to be proven wrong. Socialites love me. They find my accent charming and my petite British lady-hands comforting and nonthreatening. BRENDAN (smiles knowingly) If you say so. You might want to take a number. JEREMY (scoffs) Take a number. I'll do no such thing. 13.

Duncan indicates a Swarovski covered ticket machine on the wall next to them. The maid shows another DOCTOR into the room. She immediately reaches for a number and Jeremy lunges to grab one before she can. The midwives raise their eyebrows at his quick about-face. Jeremy composes himself. JEREMY (CONT’D) I'll just have a seat then, shall I?

EXT. - BEACH - AFTERNOON Mindy sits in a lounge chair angrily flipping through celebrity gossip magazines, Morgan is sitting next to her sunning and holding up a virgin strawberry daiquiri with a straw for Mindy's easy access. MINDY Ugh. I'm so frustrated with Danny, I can't even enjoy this gossip. This is the first time I can remember that I wasn't interested in who Taylor Swift is fake-dating this week. It's very upsetting. MORGAN She broke up with Jaden Smith already? That love was pure. What is the world coming to these days. MINDY Morgan, focus. Can we talk about me? MORGAN Sorry, Dr. L. All I hear is white noise after someone says the words "Taylor Swift." MINDY I get it. Me too. It's just, there's not that much more time before Benedict Tom Hiddleston Lahiri Castellano gets here. And I thought that we could focus on just us before he arrives. Have a few moments together before life gets crazy chaotic - you know, like Britney did after she married Kevin Federline - 14.

MORGAN Following you. MINDY And now all Danny wants to do is sit in the house all day. What if we lose our connection after the baby gets here? Morgan offers the daiquiri to Mindy. She leans over and sucks on the straw for an excessively long time while Morgan strokes her hair. MORGAN Dr. L, Dr. C has no idea how lucky he is. I mean look at you! You ate a whole footlong sandwich while wearing an incredibly revealing suit. That is a rare quality. MINDY That's my favorite thing about you, Morgan. You understand how hot I am. And you always look out for me. She stops abruptly. MINDY (CONT’D) Wait, is there rum in this?

MORGAN No! Of course not. I couldn't find any. MINDY (slightly disappointed) Damn. I mean, that's good. Good job. A thirty-something WOMAN comes up to Morgan and Mindy. She addresses Morgan. WOMAN Hey there, I hate to bother you, but I was wondering if you could help me out and put some sunscreen on my back? Morgan jumps up, dropping the daiquiri and leaving Mindy hanging in the process. MORGAN At your service, ma-dam. 15.

WOMAN Great, I have my sunscreen just over here. She points to her towel about thirty yards away. Morgan gets up and follows her. MORGAN Is that a tramp-stamp? Classy! They exit leaving Mindy by herself. She looks around and sees parents trying to control an out of control toddler. The mom and dad look put upon and are bickering. Mindy sighs, wondering if that is what she has in store with Danny. END ACT I 16.

ACT II

EXT. - HAMPTONS MANSION PORCH - AFTERNOON Danny sits in the shade of the porch, reading a book. Tamra comes out in her suit holding a drink and sits in the chair next to him and picks up a pair of binoculars. She starts idly looking at the beach through them. TAMRA Did you know this place has seven bathrooms? It took me forever to use all of them. DANNY You know you don't have to use every single one of them. TAMRA OK, Dr. C. And I "don't have to sleep in all the beds" either. She shakes her head at Danny's stupidity. Danny starts to say something but changes his mind. She looks over at him. TAMRA (CONT’D) Why are you wearing all your clothes? Aren't you hot? DANNY Not if I don't think about it. TAMRA If I was you that's all I'd be thinking about. DANNY Why aren't you on the beach with everyone else?

TAMRA Oh I hate sand. And salt water. And beach people. They're weird. DANNY Then why'd you come? TAMRA To get a free vacation, obviously. Why'd you come? 17.

DANNY (hesitates) Same. TAMRA Dr. C, can I give you some advice?

DANNY No- TAMRA (interrupting) Dr. L is pregnant. Like, super- pregnant. There are people who are carrying eight mutant babies who are less pregnant than her. And she still put on a damn swimsuit to look sexy for you. And you're here being all Grandpa Moses. DANNY That's not why she's wearing that suit. She resumes looking through the binoculars. TAMRA (dripping with sarcasm) Oh because pregnant women love the way they look in skimpy clothing. You know Dr. C, a relationship is all about trust, understanding, and listening. DANNY Well, you're a girl, what would you want if you were in this situat- Tamra stands up. She sees Morgan accepting money from women on the beach. Her curiosity is peaked. She exits without saying a word, passing Mindy as she comes back to the house. DANNY (CONT’D) Hey babe! How was beach time? Feeling rested? MINDY Yep! I feel great. Fantastic. Hot, even. And not just because the sun is a billion degrees and is melting the ozone layer. She fans herself, sweating. 18.

DANNY That's not how the ozone layer works... MINDY Now is not the time to out-logic me! I think I know how the ozone layer works. She gets dizzy from her passionate response. She leans against a table and composes herself. DANNY Are you sure you're ok, babe? You seem a little- MINDY Don't finish that sentence unless you're going to say I seem a little "hotter than usual". DANNY (concerned) You're probably dehydrated, this ocean air is full of sodium. You should get some coconut water for the electrolytes. MINDY Yah. That's probably it. All the salt! Mindy starts to exit. She stops behind Danny and hovers, wanting to say more. DANNY (without looking up) You're doing that weird hovering thing again. You know that creeps me out. MINDY You know what? I think I'm just gonna go lie down. DANNY (not really paying attention) Okay. Don't sleep too long, though. It messes with your REM cycle and it took forever to get you to sleep for fewer than 12 hours a night. 19.

She heads into the house. Danny looks after her. He senses that he may have screwed up.

EXT. - BEACH - CONTINUOUS Tamra approaches Morgan as he steps away from a couple of sunbathers. MORGAN (to the sunbathers) Thank you ladies, and might I just say your moles are very attractive. TAMRA What the hell, Morgan? MORGAN Oh, I was just helping these ladies get sunscreen on their back.

TAMRA I can see that, I was talking about the money.

Morgan guides Tamra away from the sunbathers. MORGAN Yeah! They're paying me to do it! It's like people here have money they literally don't know what to do with. Look! Morgan pulls a wad of cash from his pocket. Tamra's mouth falls open.

MORGAN (CONT’D) I've been calling it "I've got your back." Get it? Because I'm getting their backs? With sunscreen? TAMRA Oh ok. I get it, I get it. I want in. 70/30 split. You do what you're doing and I'll count the money. MORGAN That sounds crazy fair.

Morgan starts counting the money, but Tamra grabs it away. 20.

TAMRA Daylight's burning, Morgan. These backs aren't going to sunscreen themselves.

INT - RIZZO ST. JANE'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON

Jeremy has been waiting for a while. Suddenly a door opens and we see the midwives exit a large parlor with RIZZO ST. JANE - a Real Housewives-type, 30's, with an incredibly annoying and heavy New York accent. They're all laughing like old friends. RIZZO (laughing) ....a yurt! Oh you guys! Stop! Stop. I'm going to have this baby right here and now if you keep this up! All the doctors waiting - including Jeremy - go to alert mode. BRENDAN Riz, you're such a riot. Jeremy makes face, not believing the performance the midwives are giving. Rizzo laughs delightedly.

RIZZO Oh you guys make me fly! Oh, wait - what's that? She grabs her belly and leans her ear downwards as if to listen. RIZZO (CONT’D) Little Euthanasia thinks so, too! Well this has been an absolute delight. I have a few more "doctors" to interview, but... She leans in for an obvious stage whisper. RIZZO (CONT’D) ...I think we'll be in touch soon. Brendan and Duncan smile in thanks. Brendan places his ear next to her belly. 21.

BRENDAN What's that, little bean? Duncan speaks as if he's the baby, from the corner of his mouth. DUNCAN I'm not ready yet! BRENDAN That's right, you need to cook a little longer. But we'll be ready when you are! Jeremy makes a disgusted face. The midwives smile serenely. BRENDAN (CONT’D) Well, it was a pleasure meeting you. I hope we can help welcome Euthy into the world in a zen and holistic way. Namaste. The midwives put their hands together and bow their heads. Rizzo is delighted. RIZZO Namastato! The midwives make their exit and Rizzo waves after them, smiling. When they're gone she turns and nods to the maid, who is standing next to a switch on the wall. MAID Number 36!! Jeremy looks at his number and jumps up excitedly. JEREMY That's me!!!! He composes himself and walks forward.

JEREMY (CONT’D) Dr. Jeremy Reed, Shulman and Associates Hamptons Concierge OB/GYN Service, at your service. RIZZO (unamused) Oh, you're British. JEREMY (almost smugly) Why yes, yes I am. 22.

Rizzo signals toward the maid at the wall. MAID Number 37!!! An elderly doctor near Jeremy starts to stand-up. Jeremy pushes him back onto the couch.

JEREMY (aghast) But, I haven't interviewed yet. Rizzo looks toward the maid again. MAID Number 37!! The elderly doctor attempts to stand-up again. Again, Jeremy stops him. JEREMY But I have a Power Point presentation! And a delightful British accent! Rizzo rolls her eyes. RIZZO Listen, your accent is disturbing. Euthanasia and I do not like it. I do not want the first sounds she hears when she enters this world to be soft r's. They're unnatural!

She shivers then snaps her fingers and starts to walk away. An intimidating bodyguard shows up out of nowhere and stands next to Jeremy, indicating he should leave. Jeremy is confused. JEREMY What? No one thinks that. British accents are charming. Every American thinks so. I have refreshingly small hands! MAID Number 37!! The elderly doctor gets up again. The bodyguard steps forward and Jeremy knows he's lost. He holds his hands up in defeat. 23.

JEREMY You are standing awfully close to me and an Englishman knows when he's been defeated. And like the redcoats before me I shall gracefully bow out of this sham. He proudly adjusts his tie and exits.

INT. - HAMPTONS MANSION - BEDROOM - EARLY EVENING Mindy lies on the bed, restless and unable to sleep. There's a knock at the door. Danny enters. DANNY Mindy? She turns to face him. Danny sits on the bed next to her. DANNY (CONT’D) Are you alright? MINDY Of course. I'm fine.

DANNY Yeah, see that's the thing. You only say "fine" when you're upset about something. Or you just speak in sounds. MINDY Nu-uh! Pshh... DANNY Listen, I think I know what this is about. Your swim suit. I'm sorry I didn't say something earlier. Ma just always told me that pregnant women who show their naval are inviting the devil in to their baby's soul. MINDY That's ridiculous. DANNY Is it? I will give you that it's a little...old fashioned, but souls are tricky things.

Mindy is giving him a death glare. He quickly changes the subject. 24.

DANNY (CONT’D) But, I feel bad that I didn't spend time with you today. So how does dinner sound? Just you and me.

Mindy instantly brightens. MINDY OK, yeah. I'd love that. She leans in for a kiss, but Danny's already stood up. DANNY Great! So you get dressed and I'll work out the details. Maybe shower a little. You still have sand on your hands. It's a little rough. He exits. Mindy sighs, still concerned that Danny doesn't get it. END ACT II 25.

ACT III

EXT. - BEACH - NIGHTTIME Mindy and Danny are walking on the beach. She's holding heels in her hand. MINDY You could have mentioned we'd be walking in the sand. It would have totally affected my shoe decision. DANNY Don't worry. We're almost there. MINDY We're almost where Danny? Oh God. We're not catching our own fish, are we? You know I can't eat fish. My body rejects protein that's too lean -

She stops in her tracks. There's a beach blanket laid out with a picnic basket, candles and plates all laid out. Mindy smiles. MINDY (CONT’D) Is this for us? DANNY Yeah. I thought that since I didn't come to the beach today that maybe we could have the beach together at night. MINDY Danny! This is so romantic. She tries to sit down on the ground, but her pregnancy makes it difficult. Danny jumps in and helps ease her to the ground in an incredibly awkward way - as if he was spotting her in the gym. DANNY (He holds up his fingers in "thumbs up") There you go. All good babe? MINDY Yep. All good. Physically. My pride could be doing better. 26.

He sits next to her and pours some chilled sparkling cider in a champagne glass. MINDY (CONT’D) Fake champagne! Add in some lobster and a Nutella tart and this is my 16-year old dream date come true. DANNY Well, I wanted to do something special. For you. For us. Mindy smiles, near tears.

MINDY I'm so happy you said that, Danny, because you know, I've been feeling a little worried lately. DANNY Worried? About what? The baby? I know that his ultrasounds show he's got a giant noggin, but with an epidural you won't even notice... MINDY No, not that. Well, now that, actually. But I was talking about us. DANNY Us? Babe, we're great. MINDY Are we? I mean, I mean, there are so many things that we differ on. And even though we're like, the hottest interracial couple since Heidi Klum and Seal broke up, I'm worried that it's not enough. What if Benedict gets here and we drift apart? DANNY Well one, we're not naming our kid that. Two, that's not going to happen. I won't let it. MINDY You won't? 27.

DANNY No way. You know my dad wasn't around when I was growing up, and I saw how hard that was on Ma. I don't want that for our kid- A divided home with bickering parents. I want him to have a family. I want him to grow up seeing how much I adore his mother. Mindy beams then starts crying. DANNY (CONT’D) Did I say something wrong? MINDY No! You said everything right. They lean in and kiss. But just after they kiss, the tide comes in, the water knocking them backwards and ruining the picnic set-up. It's Mindy's From Here to Eternity moment. Mindy is a little bit on top of Danny, so he can't jump up, but she's too pregnant to be agile, so she can't move well either. DANNY (a little panicked) Mindy, I need you to move so I can get up. MINDY I'm trying. She stops struggling to move for a second and looks him in the eyes. DANNY But this is a little romantic, don't you think? Us, on a deserted beach, rolling around in the surf... The tide comes in again, bringing even more water this time. Danny screams. DANNY (CONT’D) Sea snake! I felt a sea snake! He finds the strength to move and jumps up. He immediately helps Mindy to her feet and they walk briskly away. 28.

MINDY I think that was just seaweed...but what about the food? DANNY We can't eat it now. It's been sullied by ocean sludge. Keep walking.

INT. - HAMPTONS MANSION - KITCHEN - NIGHTTIME Mindy and Danny enter the kitchen carrying take out bags of food, still wet from the tide, and turn on the lights. Jeremy is sitting in the dark drinking a port. Mindy and Danny scream. Jeremy doesn't react. MINDY Geeze! What the hell are you doing sitting in the dark? I am very pregnant and should not be alarmed like that! Especially not on an empty stomach. She gives a pointed look to Danny. He rolls his eyes and moves to the cabinets to get plates for their food. JEREMY Basking in my failure, if you must know. Darkness is my only ally right now. MINDY Oh no! You didn't get Rizzo St. Jane as a client? This puts a huge wrench in my plans to get my own reality show based on being best friends with a socialite. JEREMY It's even worse. She wouldn't even see me. She hated my accent! ...Of all things. MINDY Now that is just ludicrous. I could fall asleep to your velvety tones. JEREMY (feeling validated) Thank you! 29.

DANNY OK, so we didn't get one client. We lose clients all the time. We'll just find some others. JEREMY You know so little about this, Danny. You can't just walk up to people in the Hamptons and get them as clients. You have to charm them and appeal to their sensibilities.

MINDY He's right. Rich people are super high-maintenance.

She looks at what Danny's putting on the plates and makes a face.

MINDY (CONT’D) Broccoli? I didn't order broccoli. You know I can't eat vegetables. DANNY You mean you won't eat them. MINDY Like there's a difference.

Just then the door opens and Morgan and Tamra come in the door, holding an open bottle of champagne.

MORGAN Oh good! You guys are all here. We have some news.

TAMRA Big news! MINDY (gasps) You guys are getting married!

Tamra and Morgan both make a face. TAMRA Ew, no Dr. L! That ship has sailed. I don't want to marry Morgan.

MORGAN I mean, I wouldn't be totally opposed to... 30.

TAMRA Just tell them the news!

Jeremy pours some more port. JEREMY (to himself) Why can't my sadness ever find solitude? MORGAN Well today Tamra and I set out on a bit of a business venture... TAMRA A professional sunscreen application service.

MINDY That sounds incredibly stupid. MORGAN Exactly. And people loved it. TAMRA And paid us for it. She holds up a wad of cash. DANNY (shivering) People paid for Morgan to touch them? That's just wrong. TAMRA Dr. C. Morgan actually has very nice hands. MORGAN (holds up his hands) Thank you. All those years of wearing moisturizing gloves to bed is finally paying off.

JEREMY (putting two and two together) So, let me get this straight, everyone begged off from helping me - helping the practice - get new clients and instead you two started your own business? 31.

TAMRA Yes? Jeremy stands up, frustrated. JEREMY Perfect. Just perfect. MINDY (whispering to Danny) I don't think I've ever seen him angry before. This is equally terrifying and very thrilling. JEREMY I suppose I'm the only one who actually cares about the practice. I thought it would be nice if we could get new clients and maybe afford things for the office. Like a coffee maker that works. MINDY Ooh. That would be nice. DANNY You're drinking coffee? You said you stopped when you got pregnant! MINDY Shh. Jeremy's making a point. JEREMY Yes, I agree Mindy. It would be nice. But it's not going to happen because this trip has been a complete and utter failure. He sits down and dramatically rests his chin on his hand. TAMRA Well, they're not fancy, but maybe the new clients we got today will help. JEREMY No, Tamra, putting sunscreen on overly-tanned people's backs won't help. MORGAN No, Dr. R. For the practice. Jeremy looks up. 32.

JEREMY What do you mean "for the practice"? MORGAN Well, we didn't have any cards for our business because we just started it today.

TAMRA So we were handing out all those cards you brought. People were kind of excited about it. MINDY You guys! That's great! JEREMY People here? On the beach? Want us to be their doctors? TAMRA Yeah. You'd be shocked at how many pregnant women just parade around the beach wearing skimpy suits. No offense Dr. L. MINDY Only a little taken. MORGAN Beverly has been making appointments all day.

JEREMY As much as I'd like to wallow in my failures, I can't. This is great news! I think this calls for a celebration. Jeremy raises his port glass and Morgan grabs some cups and pours champagne into glasses for Tamra, Danny, Mindy and himself. Danny and Tamra grab their glasses and instantly take a sip. MORGAN Don't worry Dr. L, this is sparkling cider. Can you believe we just found it on the beach? Someone just left like, a whole picnic out there, this included. There's a little seawater in there, but I pulled the crab out back on the beach. 33.

Danny looks at his glass and makes a face. DANNY Excuse me. He runs outside. MORGAN (yelling after him) Dr. C! It's no use! We threw him back in the ocean! There's silence when Danny doesn't respond. MORGAN (CONT’D) That guy. Always trying to save lives.

EXT. - NEW YORK OFFICE - MORNING Mindy, Danny and Jeremy exit the van with their bags, the trip over and they've returned to Manhattan. MINDY Well, I for one think that was a very successful trip. JEREMY Luckily, yes it was. I will see you all tomorrow. For the first time in weeks, we have a full appointment book. Jeremy leaves. Morgan and Tamra exit the van. MORGAN Dr. L. Dr. C. It was a pleasure vacationing with you. We should do this all the time. TAMRA Oh yeah! Especially if you guys are gonna pay. MORGAN (raises his hand) My vote for next time is Harry Potter World. I really want to be sorted. 34.

DANNY Not gonna happen. I'm putting my foot down on that one. We'll see you tomorrow.

Mindy waves goodbye. Danny picks up Mindy's bag and they start walking home. Morgan and Tamra exit in the opposite direction. MINDY It really was a great trip. I'm glad we had a chance to talk. DANNY Me too, babe. He stops and turns toward Mindy. DANNY (CONT’D) I love you so much, you know that? I am so excited to be raising this baby with you. Mindy smiles. They kiss and then continue walking, Mindy's head on Danny's shoulder. A woman walks toward them pushing a stroller. Mindy gets excited! MINDY Oh look, Danny! It's a Kensington Pram! A fancy, frilly, pink stroller rolls by. DANNY THAT'S a Kensington Pram? No. No way. I am not letting my son set foot in one of those. We're going to get him a rickety stroller like I had. It builds character. They continue to debate as they walk away. Cut to end credits. END OF EPISODE