SEMESTER 2 WEEK 3 11 AUGUST 2010

Depression Loneliness Anxiety Sex Career Results Fear

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Student Mental Health

Getting struck by lightning! Profile: Daniel 'Ears' O'Toole ' Uni-Cycle: White Paper controversy

SPLENDOUR SRC election gossip EXCLUSIVE! 2 fuck the website! This Week's: CONTENTS but seriously,Number go ofon System it of a Down jokes: 2 HONI SOIT, EDITION 15 Best office playlist: “Songs With Amazing Key Changes” 11 AUGUST 2010 Biggest regret: Launching the Honi Soit website Second biggest regret: The Honi Soit website launch Best Hip-Hopera: R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet” The Arts-Hole 09 Anusha Rutnam got on board the Dave de The Post 03 Rothschild talk. Privilege, Fair Trade, Hermes, Queer Honi, and the Liz Schaffer tours the underground galleries Honi Op-Ed competition! of Sydney. The Uni-Cycle 04 Hannah Lee melts a Greenberg. Callie Henderson is going to the Red Cross 10 SPECIAL EDITION: Bridie Connellan, Climate Change event, and thinks you should too. David Mack and Joe Payten bring you all Andy Thomas reports on the brand new the festival action from a truly splendid three Sydney Globalist. days of Splendour in the Grass. David Mack on the White Paper controversy. Bridie Connellan reports on the launch of the The Mains Revue Season. 12 Carmen Culina investigates the state of The Usual Suspects 06 mental health care amongst students. Naomi Hart has some ‘striking’ insights. Like YEASAYER lightning striking. It’s about lightning. The Soapbox 14 Joe Smith-Davies soundtracks his journey home. David Mack gets propositioned. Bridie Connellan learns about happiness, Old Tom Lee has beef with baby photos on Norse and anthropology on her Road Test. Facebook. Henry Hawthorne spoils your dinner Tim Whelan gets nostalgic over his very 90s THE HYPOTHETICAL: childhood. Would you rather and possibly the movie you were watching while you ate it. The Score Be forced to wear a roller-skate on one foot and 16 a flipper on the ORother foot at all times The Profile 08 Catherine Marks on the controversies of the College room draw. Never have any pockets? Anusha Rutnam got in Sydney artist Daniel David Mulligan rocks out! Whilst rock- O’Toole’s ear. FAQs climbing. It’s about rock-climbing. Joe Smith-Davies makes like a fat man’s Will the pockets be stitched up or just not on my pants in Split, Croatia. clothing? Stitched up. All of your pockets will be stitched up. Can I add pockets to my clothes? SRC 17 Absolutely not. Can I carry a bag? faulty buckle. Bletchley Park No, you may carry a hessian tube with no stops on the ends, 20 or a clutch with a hole in it and a Can I take the flipper and roller-skate off when I go to bed? The Garter 21 - 23 Yes. But you won’t have pockets in your pyjamas.

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Joe Payten EDITORS Bridie Connellan, Carmen Culina, Naomi Hart, Henry Hawthorne, Ben Jenkins, David Mack, Anusha Rutnam, Joe Smith-Davies, Diana Tjoeng pixiesband REPORTERS Callie Henderson, Hannah Lee, Tom Lee, Tim Whelan, David Mulligan

@richardashcroft thanks for stopping by to CONTRIBUTORS James Colley, Catherine Marks, Liz Schaffer see our set. #schedulingfail CROSSWORD Benny Davis 7 minutes ago PHOTOS Zeck Jones, Bel Campbell where are we again? lol 6 minutes ago

DISCLAIMER Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney, NSW, 2006. The SRC’s ion costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. Honi Soit’s editors and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is written, printed, and distributed on Aboriginal land. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Mel Brooks, Tim Mooney, Alistair Stephenson , Andy Thomas and Cherissa Zhou. All expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. The Post 3 campaign to “the ability to get students West Side to tick a box on a piece of paper” and EDITORIAL claims that this “shouldn’t dictate policy.” Earlier this week, the University’s White terrible segue aside, we bring you all the Story For starters, I feel that Hart understates CONTENTS Paper and Strategic Plan was released gossip, including potential Presidential the intelligence of the average voter. candidates, as well as the latest on the HONI SOIT, EDITION 15 Dear Honi, amidst a storm of controversy. The Paper 11 AUGUST 2010 Hart thinks that simply because the proposes dramatic changes to the structure Honi race. word “fair” was in the referendum, the of the University, from the undergraduate Leo Nelson writes that “you don’t have alternative appeared to students, to be and postgraduate makeup, to a major There are scores of music-lovers and to go to a school which uses the term “unfair.” If so, why then, did 10% of reorganisation of schools and faculties. festival-junkies out there for whom 09 ‘headmaster’ instead of ‘principal’” to students vote against Fair Trade? Is there Vice-Chancellor Dr. Michael Spence has Splendour in the Grass will only be a get a high ATAR (Letters, 4/8/10). Ah a growing movement in the underbelly said the document signals “a radical new vicarious experience, lived through the detailed anecdotes of a smug, gloating but Leo, it helps, it really helps (funny of USYD that wishes to further exploit way of thinking for a university”, and it could see significant changes to the nature friend explaining to you at length just how how many people who did not go to a coffee producers, hoping to reduce public school have suddenly become of the student experience at Sydney over good The Strokes were, and describing to their welfare? Surely students who you the wonders of the Tipi Forest. Dear experts on the topic of privilege at the next five years. achieved highly enough to attain entry reader, let us be that friend. Honi’s Special USyd). 10 into this establishment were also able Our feature this week looks at the student Edition Arts Hole gets you up close to this to undertsand the referendum that they experience from a different angle. Honi most excellent festival, and it won’t cost Whilst intent to study at such a were queuing to vote for. delves into the mental health issues that you $461. We’ve brought you a recap precociously prestigious university as face youth, and particularly students, and of each of the three days, as well as the Sydney is the obvious determining But even more importantly, I fail to finds some alarming results. Depression coveted Honi Best and Worst Prizes. It’s more music coverage than Richard factor in a high school kid’s education, see how any democratically elected and anxiety are two of the most significant afflictions facing our age group, and Ashcroft could throw a microphone at. attending a government funded, western body can hold a referendum that suburbs school IS a serious disadvantage. Honi would like to remind you that if you 12 89% of its constituents So get your hands on a copy of Honi this Instead of having the best teachers, feel overwhelmed by your studies or the support, and believe that this Letter of various difficulties of student life, that you week (although it just occurred to me that textbooks and equipment at our disposal, “shouldn’t dictate policy”. the Week! shouldn’t hesitate to speak to someone - if you’re reading this, you already have), those who attend government funded Hart likens the Fair Trade we’ve provided a list of important contacts and keep an eye out for our extra special schools have to attempt to prosper referendum to a questionable on page 13. Federal Election Edition out next week, 14 with sub-standard facilities, and fellow opinion poll and suggests that as such, where we will accurately predict the disruptive students who are more the referendum can be overlooked. For some students, those stress levels winner to the amazement of all. Joe Payten interested in catching a paper aeroplane However, this was no opinion poll. The will be rising in the coming weeks as the SRC Elections approach. That in the teacher’s hair. Fair Trade Referendum was exactly that, a referendum. To suggest that a Now say you overcome these obstacles, referendum could be considered nothing and manage to sneak into USyd, you more than a simple suggestion to a Calling all queers! would certainly expect these more democratically elected board undermines Queer Honi is the annual edition of advantaged, intellectualite USyd kids to the very board that has been elected. 16 everyone’s favourite student newspaper, be completely friendly and welcoming, Indeed, were the Australian Government Honi Soit. Queer Honi is about whatever wouldn’t you? Anyone? to overlook such significant results in it is that tickles your fancy, because a referendum, I would hope that that it’s written by… well, you! It’s also Instead, one is welcomed with the outcry would be heard internationally. autonomously produced, which means inevitable eye-roll that accompanies the Therefore, why I ask, should we hold it is entirely written and edited by words, “Oh no, I live in Blacktown.” our Union Board to different standards queer-identifying students. Instead of a childhood of privilege being to that which we hold our Government? an eye-opener to the struggles of others, Indeed, I’m sure many presently on 17 It’s about whatever you want it to be it seems it has snapped shut the minds of board hope to some day be held to that about. It’s about queer feminisms, inner-city/ private school kids and their standard in their professional careers. intersex and/or gender diverse rights, 20 perception of us westies. It is therefore and marriage equality. Sex work, hardly a surprise that USyd helps to Finally, Hart for some reason, endorses capitalism, mental health, queers and further perpetuate a culture of “private Srikumar’s suggestion that the University religion, polyamory and consensual school city slickers v’s public school write a $200 000 cheque, instead WHAT YOU NEED TO DO: non-monogamy, autonomy, consent, westies”. of changing it’s coffee supplier. The • Write an opinion piece on trans masculinities and femininities, problems here are twofold. Firstly, if gender performance and drag, queers Robbie Henretty, waste associated with Fair Trade is the theme of ‘Censorship’ with disabilities, legal reform, the International and Global Studies I the concern, then perhaps Srikumar • Make sure it’s 800-1000 environment, politics and poetry, we should examine the statistics regarding words and your own P.S. want it all. ‘phantom aid’ (the amount of aid original work My favourite tutorial quote was in an consumed in administration, rather • Submit it by 5pm (EST) If you identify as lesbian, bisexual, Australian foreign policy government than by the intended recipients). gay, transgender, asexual, intersex, tute, discussing the Australian public’s Secondly, the University is not an aid Friday 17 September 2010 genderqueer, pansexual, trans*, feelings toward the Indonesian people. granting organisation. It is however, to [email protected]. questioning, queer, omnisexual, label- One guy piped up, stating that “well I an establishment of education and au (Entries open 5pm 6 free, into BDSM or kink, femme, butch, know it’s different amongst people in progression. Universities are supposed to August 2010) bi-curious or just plain curious, then the inner city, but everyone living in the embody change and morality. Therefore, • Include your full name, submit to Queer Honi! … No, seriously! outer suburbs must just think that all surely it seems more plausible that the Like, right now! Indonesian people are terrorists”. I don’t University should change its coffee year, degree, faculty, know what was worse, his words or the tender (at no extra cost according to student ID number, email If you’re keen to edit or write for general hum of agreement that rang out Macquarie University), to one that and phone contact details. Queer Honi, let us know now! Send all around the room! aids the developing world, rather than enquiries and submissions to queer. comitting to donate aid. [email protected].

Give Fair For these reasons, perhaps Hart should encourage the board to implement the Trade a fair go referendum. Hopefully those reading this HERMES 2010 will too. Your literary journal Hermes is returning reinvigorated and dangerous in 2010. Dear Honi,

The final deadline is near, so get your literary and artistic contributions to Michael Chaitow I write in response to Naomi Hart’s [email protected] by 5pm, 13 August. The theme for this edition is Commerce II retrospect/prospect. Get creative. criticism of Fair Trade in last week’s Love mail? Hate mail? Like mail? edition (‘Fair Trade Debate’, 4/8/10). Check the Facebook group or send us an email with any questions, and Hart makes numerous flawed assertions; SEND IT ALL TO remember to stay tuned for news about the Hermes launch during Verge Festival. her greatest being the claim that a political board need not fulfill the [email protected] Love, Will, Carolyn, Elias and Luke expressed desires of its students. NEXT WEEK’S BEST LETTER PRIZE: Eds. Here, she reduces the Fairly Educated Two packets of Original flavour Mi Goreng Fried Noodles. 4 The Uni-Cycle www.honisoit.com Brand New Sydney Red Cross Climate Change Event Globalist Unveiled Callie Henderson has the HICCups. Andy Thomas is a globetrotter. This Friday and Saturday Sydney Uni conference and along with 500 young will be hosting a completely youth-led people from 150 National Societies we You look at the clock. There’s twenty- Red Cross active forum on the Human deliberated on those issues important five minutes left of your WorldPol Face of Climate Change. to young people around the world and lecturer droning on about some the actions that need to occur,” Eyles paradigm you forgot before he’d finished The event is part of the Humanitarian explained. The result was the Red pronouncing it. You rummage through Impact of a Changing Climate Cross and Red Crescent Movement’s your bag for reading materials. No luck. (HICC) Project, which aims to increase Youth Declaration, which calls upon Familiar much? Well don’t worry, this awareness of the devastating effects of the international community to work week another student publication will climate change and enable young people together to ‘do more, do better and be joining the ranks of magazine stands to get involved with global projects. reach further’. across campus. The year’s first issue of Conflict, Security, Identity,” explores The Sydney Globalist will be released this how borders, both tangible and Its main architect, Matt Eyles, got The forum will include speakers such as Wednesday. intangible, continue to shape the involved in Red Cross after volunteering Michael Raper (Red Cross Director of political, economic and social stability in Budumburum Refugee Camp, Services and International Operations) So, what is The Globalist, you ask? The of societies. Contributions from students Ghana. “I had been working with young and Mia Urbano (Senior Program Globalist is an international affairs range from assessing the potential of children from Liberia, Sierra Leone and Officer at the Nossal Institute for Global magazine comprised entirely of original self-determination for the Sri Lankan Ivory Coast who had fled their country Health). There will be opportunities for writing and analysis by students from Tamil people to dissecting the alternate due to civil war,” he says. “I taught active participation aimed at generating our university. Its articles seek to solutions to the Israeli-Palestine border science at the local school and aided the solutions to some of the manifold challenge current political and academic conflict. community to build a school Library. In humanitarian issues being faced by the discourse and provide a fresh perspective returning to Australia I wanted to aid world’s most vulnerable communities. on foreign policy and global issues. The new edition of The Globalist will be those in my own community.” kicked off with a launch this Wednesday, The event will cost you a measly $10, The magazine first began as part of the 11 August at 5:30 in The Lounge at the The HICC project was developed after with all proceeds going straight to Red Global21 network of student-run foreign Sydney Law School. The evening will the 2009 International Federation of Cross. Concluding the event will be a affairs magazines at premier universities provide all students with the opportunity Red Cross Red band night at Hermann’s Bar; for an including Yale, Cambridge and the to give their own rant on international Crescent Youth extra tenner you can delight in the music London School of Economics. Now in affairs to the editorial board and a panel on the Move of Chris Gresh, Pipemix and special its sixth year of publication at Sydney of experts on international affairs whilst Conference guest Munk from Koori Radio to help University, The Globalist’s readership enjoying wine and canapés. Make in Italy. raise funds for the HICC Project. continues to expand to more students, sure to come on down and have your As one of academics and opinion-makers across say! Also, be on the lookout for your four young For ticketing information or to pay our campus and beyond. copy of the new edition, which will be Australian online, visit the Red Cross website distributed around campus for free from delegates I or Facebook page, or email the The latest edition, “Border Politics: Wednesday! attended this [email protected].

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CRICOS: 00116K 5 Uni releases key plans under cloud of controversy Revue Season David Mack reports on USyd’s White Paper and Strategic Plan. Bridie Connellan wasn’t there. Food and Natural Resources; Medicine, The 2010 USU Revues Season kicks off Following the release of the Green desirable,” he said. “However, given the Dentistry, Nursing and Pharmacy; this week, with the eleven faculty-themed Paper in March, the future direction very high quality of our undergraduate Architecture, Design and Planning, sketch shows launching last Thursday at of the University of Sydney has been student population, we believe it the Sydney College of the Arts and Hermann’s Bar. Attendees praised a rather more concretely outlined with the implausible that the University should the Sydney Conservatorium of Music; amiable and moderately debaucherous release last Wednesday of the White move to a predominantly postgraduate Economics and Business; Engineering evening, with sketch previews ranging from Paper and Strategic Plan 2011-2015. student mix, though some movement in and Information Technologies; and AAMI advertisement jingles to gay prom The documents are available on the this direction is desirable”. Health Sciences. dates. university’s website. The social inclusion objectives Honi “These new arrangements will enable USU Revues Convenor Alice Workman The university’s Senate, its governing reported on in its feature article two better curriculum development among heralded the evening as a great success with authority, approved the strategic plan weeks ago have also found their way groups of faculties, greater collaboration 300-400 punters and performers celebrating last Monday, following 10 months of into the Strategic Plan, which states the and cross disciplinary research, and the launch. “It’s a great night because performers have the chance to have a bit of consultation with staff, students and university will “pursue our commitment better financial management and a laugh before getting into the nitty gritty other interested parties. to the education of the most promising accountability, while allowing each of rehearsals,” she says. “The highlight students, drawn from a diversity of social faculty to maintain its individual was Med Revue’s take on Beyonce’s ‘Single “This document outlines a radical new and cultural backgrounds.” identity,” the vice-chancellor said. Ladies’. In tiny revealing scrubs, [the way of thinking for a university,” said routine] successfully emasculated all the Vice-Chancellor Dr Michael Spence. The White Paper calls for a “university- The Strategic Plan also spoke of men in the room and reminded all women wide program of curriculum renewal” improving the university’s international of why they would want to date a Med Dr Spence dismissed reports in the including some significant initiatives research reputation, envisaging a $390m student.” Sydney Morning Herald that the plan to reform ‘undergraduate generalist facility for research and education into involved the cutting of more than 6,000 degrees’ with “particular attention to the obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular The 2010 season will see the launch of three undergraduate positions in favour of first-year experience given widespread disease; a $110m nanoscience research new revues to the programme, Education increasing the number of international concerns about transition to University.” facility; and the establishment of China & Social Work with Shawshank Detention and post-graduate students for financial and South East Asian Studies Centres. and the inaugural Queer Revue The Gay reasons. “I do not expect there to be any Additionally, it has abandoned an After Tomorrow. USU funding has also been significant reduction in undergraduate earlier idea in the Green Paper for the The documents’ release was not scandal- dedicated to the externally-performed and students,” he explained. 16 faculties to be reorganised into a free: the highly confidential report was promoted Vet Science Revue. college of arts and sciences and five leaked to Herald education writer Heath He said that the university’s policy was professional schools. Instead, the faculties Gilmore prior to publication. Arts Revue, punnily dubbed The Wizard of to allow the proportion of students to will be grouped into seven ‘divisions’, Arts, is faced with the daunting yet somewhat advantageous task of opening the season be decided by University disciplinary each of which is to be presided over by Dr Spence told the Herald that disclosure on August 11, as this year sees the faculty committees which measure students’ a board with a chairperson chosen by of the documents could put staff in restored to the larger York Theatre. With ability against financial considerations. the vice-chancellor. The groupings are breach of their employment contracts, Law, Women’s and Engineering to follow, “We retain the doubts that really Arts, Law, Education and Social Work; describing the leaks as an “issue of the Honi Soit’s revue-reviewing crayons are significant growth is either possible or Science, Veterinary Science, Agriculture, utmost seriousness.” bracing themselves. Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney The Watershed a joint initiative of Marrickville and City of Sydney Councils Want some work! Urban Sustainability Workshop Series Workshops are held at local venues including: The Watershed, 218 King Street Newtown FREE! Newtown Library, 8–10 Brown Street Newtown Polling Booth Tom Foster Community Centre, 11–13 Darley Street Newtown Bookings essential. Places are limited so book early. It’s FREE! Call The Watershed on 9519 6366 or email [email protected] Attendants NATURAL CLEANING & HOME DETOX Avoid harmful household chemicals, improve indoor air quality, reduce water pollution whilst saving money and time! August Sat 14th 10.00–12.00 Newtown Library Required September Sat 11th 10.00–12.00 Newtown Library NATURAL BABY CARE Parenthood brings with it a whole new world of decisions that impact your baby and the environment. Explore the choices The SRC is looking for about 20 you can make as you and your baby grow together. August Sat 14th 10.00–12.00 The Watershed people to work on the polling September Sat 18th 10.00–12.00 The Watershed GARDEN PEST CONTROL & SOIL HEALTH booths for its elections this year. Learn the basics of natural pest control, companion planting and improving soil health for urban food-gardeners. August Sat 21st 10.00–12.00 Tom Foster If you can work on WORM FARMING Convert your kitchen scraps to garden gold! Learn all you need Wed 22nd Sept and/or Thurs 23rd Sept, to know to start and maintain your own worm farm at home. The Watershed is a green living centre in the September Sat 4th 10.00–12.00 Newtown Library heart of Newtown, dedicated to growing a and attend a training at 4pm Tues 22nd Sept, NO DIG GARDENING culture of environmental sustainability within we want to hear from you! Make productive use of urban land using the ‘no dig gardening’ the urban community. The Watershed is free method in containers and small backyard plots. and open to the public and offers services September Sat 4th 10.00–12.00 Tom Foster such as a library, free workshops, practical $19.99 per hour ECO CHOICES FOR RENTERS ideas for every day sustainable living, as well In this two-part workshop, explore low-cost, moveable options as educational and business programs. There may also be an opportunity to undertake available to make renting more eco-friendly! additional work at the vote count September Ask us about worm farming, composting, Part 1: Sat 11th 10.00–12.00 Tom Foster Application forms are available from the SRC Front Office Part 2: Sat 18th 10.00–12.00 Tom Foster inner-city gardening, rainwater harvesting, (Level 1 Wentworth Building). cycling, solar energy, recycling, natural clean- ECO CHOICES FOR HOME RENOVATORS For more info, call 9660 5222 or email [email protected]. ing, eco-renovation and more. Find out what to look for when choosing products and materi- Applications close 5pm, 6th September 2010 als, explore the principles of passive design and be inspired by creative ideas for renovating. There’s something for everyone! September Sat 18th 10.00–13.00 Newtown Library Opening hours INSTALLING PV SOLAR PANELS Tuesday to Saturday 10am to 4pm, Know what to look for and what questions to ask to have PV 10am to 7pm on Thursday. solar installed on your home and start generating your own Authorised by Paulene Graham, SRC Electoral Officer 2010. electricity using the sun. 218 King St, Newtown 9519 6366 Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney Phone: 9660 5222 www.src.usyd.edu.au September Sat 25th 10.00–12.00 Tom Foster 6 The Usual Suspects www.honisoit.com suspects like Lane Cove and Woollahra. THE GAUNTLET But this is perhaps one of the only THAT'S WHAT HONI'S SOUNDTRACK TO . . .. places in Sydney where a career as a professional, a tradie or a Christian SHE SAID pastor are all looked upon with equal FLYING BACK TO OZ regard. Because it’s not really about wealth – it’s about feeling like you’re a good person (and other people thinking Farewell to the European summer: “canned applause” that plays whenever so too). Hills locals have the ability to they ground a plane safely. Diana Tjoeng defends her elevated make religion look cool like no other turf. Elton John – “Goodbye Yellow Brick Sydneysiders can (if you’ve ever seen the The best hearsay, gossip and rumours on campus. Road”: Falsetto wail goodbye to your Hi-Tech Passport Control: I think we can all agree that Sydney is film Saved, you’ll know what I’m talking sun-kissed Continental Oz as you one of those cities where each region has about). embark on the journey back to the rain- Chris Brown – “I Can Transform Ya”: garnered a distinct reputation. I won’t swept continent of Oz. This track’s robotic stylings complement recount them all here (for fear of being the full-body scanner perfectly. stabbed by someone from Bankstown), Check-In: Ironically, given CB’s convictions, said so if you want to defend/confirm your transformation is probably the only way region’s reputation, you’ll have to write The Hollies – “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My he’d get past them. into this column yourself. But what I can Brother”: Although this probably won’t shed some light on, is that peculiar part mollify the check-in attendant and may Duty Free Splurge: of north-western Sydney mysteriously lead to a series of awkward and possibly referred to by its inhabitants as “The incriminating questions, but a cracking Cold Chisel – “Cheap Wine”: And Gin. Hills”. The most well known suburb tune nonetheless. And Vodka. And Bundy. Lots and Lots of this region is probably Castle Hill, of Bundy. and yes, there are several other suburbs Take-Off: in this district containing the word The Hills - full of beautiful women Customs: “Hill”, which is literarily uninspiring, Kenny Loggins – “Highway To The but geographically apt. I spent most of The downside to The Hills is how insular Dangerzone”: Aviators. Jet Fighters. A The Baha Men – “Who Let The Dogs my life living in The Hills, and now I’m and mono-cultural the community is lustrous mullet. Although “Flight Path” Out?”: They may be beagles and not spending as much time not living there – some people hardly ever venture rather than “Highway” would be more bristling Inspector Rex lookalikes but as I can, before I inevitably return there out and are equally worried about appropriate, still simply irresistible. they’re still sniffing over your tattered in the twilight of my productiveness. We people venturing in. It is socially and rucksack for a few seconds too long. all know that old adage: “distance makes politically ultra conservative: Liberal MP Seatbelt Sign Off: the heart…weak and crave familiarity.” Alan Cadman held our electorate for Having someone to meet you at the Or something like that. THIRTY THREE years straight. This The Byrds – “Eight Miles High”: terminal: is probably why I moved away, and I’m Especially apt if prolonged exposure to If you haven’t heard much about hoping by the time I live there when I’m hostel “fumes” has occurred before the Billy Mack – “Christmas Is All Around”: The Hills, don’t worry, neither have elderly I’ll be too senile to notice. flight. Yeah, it’s a bit schmaltzy and Hugh I. I think we’re only known for three Grant may be the King of Fop but it’s things: Homeworld (the world’s largest But it’s not all bad. The Hills is Turbulence: infinitely better than the alternative… display village), Castle Towers shopping suburbia personified: it’s where you centre and HillSong Church. This can ride your bike to the shops with Cobra Starship – Snakes On A Plane Reacquainting yourself with is probably a valid indictment of all the neighbourhood kids and eat chips (Bring It On!): As some mild bumping CityRail: The Hills stands for: Christianity, from butcher’s paper. It’s where people and shaking ensues, be thankful there McMansions, Christianity, leisure time, care less about appearing cultured, or aren’t any venomous reptiles aboard (or Bob Dylan – “Slow Train”: Feel the and Christianity. I’ve heard The Hills indie, or superiorly intellectual. It used bands who’ve had Leighton Meester on anger grow as Bob rages against a being called the Bible Belt of Sydney to be the kind of place where people guest vocals). wrathful God and the phrases “Delay”, before, and this is true, except that this is left their garages open and front doors “Indefinite” and “Scheduled Trackwork” the shiniest and flashiest belt you’ve ever unlocked, but I guess that was when Bumpy Landing: are mumbled over the PA. Welcome seen. we still had horses grazing next to Home. McMansions. Times have changed, but Foo Fighters – “Learn To Fly”: More a In 2008, The Hills rated 4th highest boy do I hope they change back by the pointed accusation than a life-affirming on the Quality of Life Index for NSW time I’m old and weary and looking for finale, only bettered by the Ryanair Joe Smith-Davies (which is based on income and property an unpretentious tree-lined street to call wealth), trouncing other more likely home.

STOP SAYING THAT be here to tell the tale. You got ‘struck’ ask me whether I was wearing rubber- I’m now a strike survivor. According to by lightning in the same way that soled shoes. Since the body is saline and an Australian recipe book published in YOU'RE EMBARRASSING you could get ‘struck’ by a beautiful so conducts electricity easily, lightning 1924, the correct response would have YOURSELF: painting.” that runs all the way through a human been for you to throw a dash of cold body (after travelling 100 km through the water over me, apply warmth to my GETTING STRUCK BY Why both sides were wrong: air) either forms an arc around or blasts stomach and administer brandy. Let’s all LIGHTNING A lightning bolt can contain up to straight through a couple of centimetres just drink up. one billion bolts of electricity and can of rubber. Naomi Hart heat the surrounding air to five times The context: the temperature of the surface of the But that doesn’t make the rest of you As I was moseying from Redfern sun. Chances are that if the lightning right, either. Ever heard of the ‘splash station to the Honi office during a fierce had actually hit me, there would be effect’? It refers to when a person is electrical storm one Sunday night, there more severe side effects than dropping indirectly struck by lightning. During was a particularly loud clap of thunder an umbrella. True, although about heavy rain, the entire atmosphere and bright lightning illuminated the 2000 people are fatally struck each surrounding a strike can become so street. A second after I perceived these year worldwide, several hundred also charged that lightning which hits phenomena, I suddenly realised that I survive strikes. But even the lucky ones the ground passes on shocks across a had felt a shock run through my body suffer from lasting symptoms such as considerable radius. The further you are and had dropped my umbrella. permanent memory loss and failure of from ground zero, the less powerful the all muscle function. The fact that I felt a shock. Umbrella dropping, for example, What was said: bit hungry afterwards probably doesn’t may be the only discernible result. To fellow Honi editors upon reaching the cut it, and my newfound abilities to hear office: “My feet are wet – it feels like my the thoughts of all women and shoot Why we should all stop saying it: shoes are boats – plus I think I got struck electricity from my fingertips were almost Listen. I’ll stop grandstanding about by lightning.” certainly coincidentally acquired. getting hit if you’ll acknowledge that there’s a chance – just a chance – that Response: “Preposterous! You wouldn’t And don’t think that you could simply 7

THAT'S WHAT Top 5 spoiler phrases that will that will have you hunted down for leaking them by an angry COUNTDOWN mob ***NOTE: SPOILER ALERT** SHE SAID Henry Hawthorne “Yeah who would have guessed he’s a robot!” 5 This phrase is best used in conjunction with the films Alien (nb friendly astronaut-cum-evil android, Ash) and Blade Runner (nb replicant-hunter-cum-replicant-himself, Rick Deckard). The latter’s robot- twist evoked such a negative public response at test screenings that the ending was originally altered to keep Harrison Ford’s character human. Thankfully, the director’s cut has reinstated this gem of a The best hearsay, gossip and rumours on campus. spoiler. SRC PRESIDENT CANDIDATES EMERGE “Yeah I never thought that he’d be killed!” 4 Candidates for SRC President 2011 are Such is the power of this spoiler when placed in the context of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince emerging out of the woodwork. that it has known to give the spoiler-overhearer, for whom the twist was ruined, the power to kill the Donherra Walmsley, current SRC spoiler-utterer with his or her bare eyes. Try this one during the early ‘Elysium’ scenes of Gladiator as Secretary was voted in as the NLS well. candidate as last Tuesday’s SRC meeting. Donherra has the backing of current President Elly Howse, and NLS have backed the winning Presidential “Yeah I never realised he wasn’t a real person!” candidate for the past few years. 3 Dr Malcolm Crowe in the Sixth Sense, better known as Bruce Willis, is dead. Pretty much from the

get-go of this film, although it does make for a tremendous watch if you don’t find out until the end. Current WHIGS President Ross Apologies. This is a weaker spoiler to use with Norton’s character in Fight Club, for want of the spoiler’s Leedham also appears to be running secrecy, but still worth a shot. for the position, potentially as an independent candidate.

Current Union Board member Sibella “Yeah I never realised nobody was a real person!” 2 Matthews denied that she will be For the same reasons that the notorious Fight Club spoiler (see above) isn’t usually worth it, an running Ross’ campaign, however she attempt to spoil American Psycho by informing your friends that Patrick Bateman is the only ‘real’ person will be supporting his bid for the is like spoiling the end of a phone book by saying it ends in z. If the choice arises, travel the film less Presidency. spoiled, such as A Beautiful Mind. William Parcher? The Pentagon? Charles and Marcee at the end of the film? Shame on you for your four-fold fooling. Both Tom Lee and Chad Seidler are also rumoured to be considering running for President, so we may well be seeing “IT’S HIS SLED! IT’S HIS SLED!” 1 rickshaws make a comeback this year. By uttering this phrase you will prematurely effectuate the dénouement of a cinematic classic: Snow Dogs. The story of a Miami dentist forced to travel to Alaska and assume control of an unruly sled THE HONI RACE dog team, the “it’s the sled!” spoiler applies to the moment when Brian (Cuba Gooding Jr) mistakes his sled for a fallen tree. The author is yet to find a second film to which this veritable rosebud of a spoiler HEATS UP applies. The Honi ticket being formed by immediate Union past President Pat Bateman and Treasurer Doug Thompson is gaining members and friendly acrostic of PHIL. Alternatively request such a timetable. Fine, Officer momentum, with a now confirmed six sift through the masses by simply typing Joyslay, AVBS4009 was probably an members; Law student, debater and ROAD TEST in each letter of the alphabet with the intimidatingly small study group of Paul’s boy Andy Thomas, who was hopes of finding something of interest crumpet-indulging friends anyhow. In considering running for Union Board CENTRAL TIMETABLING before ‘C’. any event, these barred subject drop-ins earlier this year with the assistance of are inevitably the most mind-consuming Bateman, only to pull out at the last UNIT The main problem with the CTU is and hardly the kind of spontaneous minute; Law student Anna Bennett; Law Bridie Connellan gets herself an navigation, with often a fair amount lecture we’d wish to attend. student and debater Paul Karp; and edyoukayshun. of sleuthing required to find venues, but whimsically, this forms a large part For example last semester’s Easter Eggs MECO student Nicole Buskiewicz. The Free Learning! Frearning! Freducation! of such a learning hunt. In addition, of lecturedom for this freducation bandit ticket have also approached Law student Take that HECS debt! and debater Rob Chiarella, who is yet to the search will divert your attention comprised: from That Paper for at least another MUSC2674 History of the Musical confirm whether he will join. The best means of procrastinating 15 minutes. Thankfully our hosts MON 14:00-16:00 against the learning you actually pay acknowledge a certain inability to know ANTH2655 The Social Production of Meanwhile, the rival ticket being formed for is essentially nabbing more for nix. what the hell we’re doing, and thus a Space TUES 14:00-16:00 by Paul Ellis, with Media students Callie Why simply watch an episode of The virginal ‘First Time Guide’ can act as PHIL2647 The Philosophy of Happiness Henderson and Arghya Gupta, looks to View in your spare midday 60 minutes your handbook to timetable deflowering. WED 12:00-14:00 have picked up Law student Jess Stirling. when you could take in the delights of ENGL3636 Continuing Old Norse Walt Whitman or Madonna’s relation to Nevertheless: search your faculty THURS 14:00-16:00 Bateman has approached Ellis about the media effects theory for a fraction of the code, browse the venue bookings, or possibility of a merge between the two dignity. Log on and loot: welcome to the simply hang around Eastern Avenue Well then freelearners, go forth. What’s tickets, but the outcome of this is as yet USyd Central Timetabling Unit (CTU). uncertain, so stay tuned. long enough to find a first-year Psych your poison? seminar. Learn a language, or at least Sure the meatheads in our midst appear mysteriously à distance from those If the two tickets were not to merge, may scoff at the thought of personal French firsties. Listen to some faff about Bateman has also spoken about education for education’s sake, but really, Cézanne or at least an anthropological potentially trying to come to some sort if you’re at Uni without a keen interest in perspective on the merits of metropolis of agreement with Ellis about running actually learning something, Centrelink vs sprawling shanty towns. a low-budget campaign, where neither runs a really great employment ticket would run additional SRC tickets. programme. In the past, Honi tickets have run these Now fair educatee, a word of caution. The fun police may strike. Suppose one SRC tickets to increase their spending The only proviso is brushing up on your would be interested in learning about cap, but if Bateman’s agreement were to Unit of Study codes, even if you’re only ‘Turf Management’, ‘Contemporary come to fruition, it would see a markedly versed in those crucial first four letters. Field and Lab Soil Science’ or different SRC election this year. Ancient History, for example, turns ‘Aquaculture’. MAROON WRITING tricks under the moniker of ANHS says you have NO permission to Carmen Culina and Joe Payten while Philosophy (correct!) goes by the Guaranteed the most fun you’ll have all year 8 The Profile www.honisoit.com Hi, I'm Honi Soit, you must be Anusha Rutnam talks to the Sydney artistDaniel better known as ‘Ears’ about the weather. O’Toole

“ hat I do now isn’t really graffiti.” street art scene. “I’m generally the odd WI’m about two minutes into my one out with a lot of my crew because interview with Daniel O’Toole, and I’ve they do more classic 2D graphics, with already revealed myself to be a total bold lines and a graphic design aesthetic. noob. My line work isn’t clean, it’s messy and drippy and scribbly. It feels more natural “I did graffiti until I was about 20, with for me to paint that way.” more traditional letter forms, tags and characters… Maybe once upon a time the Like many of his profession, O’Toole illegal stuff was an attraction but it’s not doesn’t seem particularly excited at the my motivation anymore. Now I just want prospect of partaking in deep analysis to make interesting images.” of his own work. I feel we’ve had a breakthrough when he mentions some I clutch tightly onto the paper bearing my unusual gifts his grandfather bestowed typed list of questions, almost every one upon him as a child; “He used to make every Saturday. I’d wake up at 9.30 and of which includes the word ‘graffiti’. us weapons when we were kids, bows get my stoner housemate out of bed. and arrows with flights made from We’d find a shopping trolley and walk But O’Toole, or ‘Ears’ as he is known chicken feathers, decorated with stripes, all our cardboard, wood and paint up in the street art scene, doesn’t seem to different coloured stripes.” I suggest that to Newtown – quite a walk from Forest The artist and his self-portrait. mind my gaucheness much. He’s a pretty stripes are an important motif in his own Lodge.” O’Toole and his mates would it would be $250 for a DA application laidback kind of guy. As we chat he eats paintings. “Yeah, maybe subconsciously then sit on milk crates under King Street’s which would take six weeks to process, a sandwich, giving me an opportunity I’m influenced by my grandfather’s iconic Dream mural, painting for six or and even then they could still reject it. I’m to look around his workspace, which decorations. Maybe… I don’t know.” I get seven hours. “We had a big sign saying probably a little bit more business-minded sits in a building on the shitty stretch of the feeling O’Toole might be humouring ‘Free Art’. I liked the idea that everyone than some street artists. I bothered to Parramatta Road between Norton Street me, but he’s friendly enough about it. could access it.” As it turned out, Sydney- try and go through the process and I and Stanmore McDonald’s. The large, siders were impressed enough with the still couldn’t do it…It’s totally an uphill unpartitioned space has an industrial O’Toole is similarly good-natured artworks to pay more than the asking battle.” atmosphere and is littered with his latest when I ask him about his time served price. “I used to make $800 on a

creations. The faces that peer out from at Darlinghurst’s prestigious National Saturday. It was the first time I realised“ Yeah, ‘keep it real’, but to these paintings would be familiar to Art School. “It was… educational. It I could make money as an artist. I‘d anyone who frequents Sydney’s inner city gave me the fire in my belly to want washed dishes and made coffees for what end? For me the worst- streets and bars (even USyd Camperdown to succeed because I came up against years and I got out of hospitality at case scenario is the integrity the attitude that the type of art I was that point.” interested in was not fine art, that it was of the artist being sacrificed not valid and could not be represented When it comes to street art, Sydney is for income.” in an institutional setting.” Given that often painted as Melbourne’s poorer If our interview hits a sour point, it’s since leaving the school (after only one cousin but my inquiry into whether he when I ask about the label of ‘sell-out’ year) O’Toole co-founded one of the has ever been tempted to close up shop to within the street art scene, unaware most talked-about galleries in Sydney, move south is met with a resounding “No. of just how loaded a term it is (see you wouldn’t blame him for being a little I’m in it for the long haul. I want to make aforementioned noob status). If nothing smug, only I would guess that’s not really Sydney better and I’m trying to improve else O’Toole’s response revealed just his style. things in my own little way”. how important Oh Really Gallery is in a city with precious few institutions Along with friends and fellow artists Jamie As he talks about our fair city, it’s hard that celebrate street art. “[The label] Nimmo and Max Berry, O’Toole set up not to be impressed by his vision while ‘sell out’ come from people who haven’t Newtown’s Oh Really Gallery about two simultaneously despairing at certain dealt with cops. There comes a point years ago. When he discusses the gallery councillors’ apparent lack of it. where you think ‘fuck, I gotta to grow one gets a sense of both a civic vision up, I don’t want to go to jail’. That’s and commercial pragmatism. “Sydney’s “I have no faith in Clover Moore. I mean, what’s unfair about that question. People got far more potential than Melbourne. I’ve written her letters about what needs ask it without understanding… Yeah, I’ve said it before, I think its more to be done. It’s fairly simple and people ‘keep it real’, but to what end? For me Some of O’Toole’s work in a USyd carpark. It exciting at the moment to be in Sydney. like myself should be working with the worst-case scenario is the integrity was soon painted over by The Man. In Melbourne you set up an interesting councils if they have any true aspirations of the artist being sacrificed for income. Campus’ Azzuri cafe features some of his bar and you’re a drop in the ocean and I to improve the cultural elements in the Do I shoot myself in the foot by being work on its walls). think Oh Really Gallery would actually laneways. I just want to paint walls. It’s accepted by institutions because I’ve over- struggle there. Here… we are pushing for not that much to ask and instead they commercialised on my product, on my Recently O’Toole’s portraits have shown something that needs to be supported… put all their money into cleaning it off. image?” a shift towards realism, a departure A lot of people say we should go to So I really don’t have much faith in the from the stylised faces for which he is Melbourne because it’s better but they’re city of Sydney as a Council. Marrickville I feel embarrassed by the question I’ve perhaps best known. I am loath to use the not willing to make Sydney better. That Council, on the other hand, is amazing.” asked and, looking at O’Toole’s paintings, word ‘haunting’ to describe a portrait, frustrates me.” realise that it is indeed an unfair one. but nearly all of O’Toole’s faces are He gives a frustrating example of the His talent, I remain sure, is undeniable. imbued with a sort of melancholy that In fact the Oh Really Gallery wasn’t barriers met by street artists who try to His work ought to be seen and is no less undoubtedly stays with the viewer. One O’Toole’s first artistic venture in play by the rules. “I wanted to paint a deserving of an appropriate space in can see the influence of Irish painter Newtown. Along with three other artist wall at the Landsdowne Hotel, where for which to be housed than the work of any Francis Bacon’s brooding work, but on friends who collectively called themselves six weeks there was some boarding up. It’s contemporary Australian fine artist. As I the whole it is difficult to find points of the Original Art Club, O’Toole engaged an ephemeral art form so that would have leave his studio his painted faces stay in reference in O’Toole’s faces. in what must have been some of the been the perfect space. I got the approval my mind’s eye. Haunting is the word. most lucrative busking King Street has of the owner of the pub, the head The absence of clean lines in his ever seen, in the form of the Art By scaffolding guy and the site manager; http://earstotheground.net/ paintings makes him unusual within the Donation project. “We used to do it everyone was into it. The council said Oh Really Gallery, 55 Enmore Road, Newtown The Arts Hole 9 CANVAS SYDNEY'S HIDDEN GALLERIES Liz Schaffer thinks you should just browse the walls if you have little Monet. Sydney’s gallery scene is a collage of emerging exhibition program. Displaying everything from White Rabbit Gallery Art After Hours commercial spaces, quirky venues and backstreet sombre, abstract paintings to amusing electronic 30 Balfour Street, Chippendale Art Gallery of New South Wales lairs that thrive on colour, passion and a desire creations, it nurtures artists, uplifts us humble This stunning converted knitting factory has Art Gallery Road, The Domain to be different. I’ve re-discovered six subtly viewers, and made me long to ‘borrow’ a work emerged as the ideal place to absorb your dose Although this sounds embarrassingly subversive yet utterly inspiring galleries that you or two. Infamous for various reasons, while Bill of contemporary Chinese art - a style famous pretentious art really is all about seeing the simply have to see. Henson’s latest exhibition went down without for its inventiveness, technical mastery, energy world in a whole new light. Why not get your a hitch, in 2008 his controversial, dream-like and humour. With four floors of exhibition tourist on and re-discover Sydney’s leading Daniel O’Toole Monster Children Gallery photographs were hauled from the walls, sparking space, a theatre and library (that house film and museum of art by moonlight and find out 20 Burton Street, Darlinghurst one of Sydney’s most heated contemporary art book clubs) and quirky teahouse, White Rabbit just how different the experience can be? Art Featuring an eclectic array of cartoons, short debates. Clearly we’re in for some intrepid future Gallery is the ideal place to pass an ambient (and After Hours is on every Wednesday night stories, photographs, skateboards, advertisements exhibitions. preferably rainy) afternoon. at the Art Gallery of New South Wales and and graffiti that would make Banksy proud, includes celebrity talks, rare film screenings, Monster Children Gallery represents everything Wilson Street Gallery Blank_Space Gallery guided tours, live music and an impressive positive and challenging about modern art. Its Unit 5 30-34 Wilson Street, Newtown 374 Crown Street, Surry Hills café and bar. I suspect this sort of late night uplifting works capture unique moments in time Just a short amble up the road from our beloved The independent Blank_Space Gallery, which arty exploration may be the only way to truly and help redefine what we view as beautiful. sandstone grounds lurks Wilson Street Gallery. explores progressive contemporary art and understand what Kandinsky, Pollock and the Check out the stunning Monster Children Magazine, This small yet enticing space is known for emerging technology, comfortably resides in rest of the crew were really on about. which is bursting with one-of-a-kind images and frequently challenging artistic boundaries by the heart of Sydney’s design district. Aiming ideas. mixing the familiar, new and absurd. Basically to support everyone from rising artists to So, with Sydney galleries behind every you come here if you want to spy experimental renowned curators, the high-tech space is aesthetically-pleasing corner there really is no Roslyn Oxley9 Gallery drawings, photographs and self-reflexive paintings prepared to house almost any type of exhibition time like the present to go pay them a visit … 8 Soudan Lane, Paddington that explore personal histories, dream like event. As it operates on a ‘hire by proposal’ Since 1982, Roslyn Oxley9 Gallery has diligently landscapes and the beauty in the everyday. Or if scheme, you’ll come across abstract sound and showcased Sydney’s budding contemporary art you just want to get your Newtown artiness on. lighting experiments, new media, instillations, scene though its arresting and ever-changing animations, paintings and furniture, yet never see the same work twice.

De Rothschild’s charm reminded me on more than one occasion of his compatriot, Jamie TALK Oliver. Both men have dedicated themselves SCREEN to worthy causes, while clearly recognising Dave de Rothschild the importance of image and showmanship. greenberg Anusha Rutnam got plastic For example, so as to ensure that the plastic Hannah Lee watched some serious fantastic at the Seymour centre. bottles were a visible feature of the boat, de underachievement. Rothschild insisted the Plastiki not have a skin. You have to give Michael Spence credit; Everyone is afraid of growing old and feeling Though this meant that construction and he booked David de Rothschild to give this regret for not having done something while design were much more difficult, it definitely talk before the good ship (boat, whatever) they were young. That is, if they’re not at that made for a good photo-op. Plastiki had even left American waters. stage already; in which case, they probably Given the vessel was built out of old coke feel more depressed and lost than anything One wonders if de Rothschild resents that bottles (12,500 to be exact) held together by else. Writer-director Noah Baumbach’s coverage of his achievements nearly always cashew nut glue, I’m not sure that I would latest film,Greenberg , sits right at the centre makes reference to his fancy-pants lineage. I have been confident enough to hire out the of this bitter and unhappy stage of life with would guess not, given that he seems the kind Seymour Centre for a talk to be given by the the incredibly troubled character of Roger of man who know that there’s no such thing as banking heir/ hippie, just days after he was Greenberg (Ben Stiller) who returns to Los bad publicity for a good cause. And certainly, due to dock in Sydney Harbour. Angeles from New York after being asked to he has done enough in his lifetime to distance house-sit his brother’s house and look after the Apparently. himself from the more dilettante-ish branches But schedule he did, to the delight of an dog. Hoping to do “nothing” in taking a break of his family. I was mildly tempted to ask what sense of humour that can inspire moments audience who filled about three quarters from his carpentry work, Roger unexpectedly he thought of the Rothschild Fabergé egg, of contemplative sadness and touching of the seats in the auditorium to hear de finds himself doing a lot more than he had which sold for US $18.5 million in 2007 but moments of a really bizarre romance. Rothschild discuss how plastic waste can ever imagined possible, thanks to his brother’s I resisted; apart from my fear of being pelted be a resource. Eco-designer and USyd personal assistant Florence Marr (Greta with organic carrots by audience members, it While the film can feel dull and long- Architecture graduate, Sally Dominguez, Gerwig). occurred to me that de Rothschild’s interests winded at times, Baumbach’s incredible played interviewer and her understanding lie solely in more weighty matters. talent in scriptwriting is palpable, as of the technology behind the Plastiki made But despite the great realisations Roger has to something so real and deeply powerful for interesting conversation. face about his own past and his present self- The crowd was responsive to de Rothschild, loathing, the film doesn’t really go anywhere is felt in the midst of ordinariness and a and none of the audience members asked rather unexciting sequence of events. If There was a nice, homely vibe at the further than the pub and a veterinary hospital. terribly challenging questions but herein lies a there’s nothing else worth watching at the Seymour Centre. De Rothschild sipped In fact, the film relies heavily upon the possible problem with de Rothschild’s project, movies these days, I would recommend from a bottle of James Boag throughout the fascinating characters, the beautifully written well meaning as it may be. Is he preaching to giving Greenberg a chance for the sake of evening and at one point gave a shout-out dialogue and realistic performances given by the converted? The number of hemp-fabric seeing Ben Stiller in something other than to the Plastiki’s skipper, Jo, who sat in the Stiller and Gerwig to push the uneventful story shirts and pony-tailed men in the audience a straightforward comedy. His portrayal of audience. The man knows how to work a into motion. So even though we spend a lot made me worry. Regardless, he and everyone Roger Greenberg is brilliant and somewhat room and with his dorky jokes, old-money of time sitting around indoors, in cars and on involved in the Plastiki project are to be surprising. good looks and numerous mentions of ‘My the phone, Roger’s seemingly boring time out commended for their activist adventure. mum’, the audience was his. of New York will move you beyond the banal day to day situations into Baumbach’s unique Greenberg is available on DVD now.

Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney NNominations for the Students’ Representative Council Annual Wentworth Building). Elections for the year 2010 close at 4.30pm Tuesday 24th August Notice of 2010 2010. Polling will be held on the 22nd and 23rd of September Nominations must also be lodged online along with your policy 2010. Pre-polling will also take place outside the SRC Offices Level statement and Curriculum Vitae (optional), by close of nominations at Students’ 1 Wentworth Building on Tuesday 21st of September 2010 from www.src.usyd.edu.au. For more information, call 9660 5222. 10 am - 3pm. All students who are duly enrolled for attendance at lectures are eligible to vote. Members of the student body who have Signed nomination forms and a printed copy of your online Representative paid their affiliation fees to Council are eligible to nominate and nomination must be received no later than 4.30pm on Tuesday 24th be nominated, except National Union of Students national office August, either in the locked box at the SRC Front Office (Level 1 Council bearers. Fulltime officebearers of the SRC may also nominate as NUS Wentworth), or at the following address: Annual Election delegates. PO Box 794, Broadway NSW 2007. Nominations are called for the following elections/positions and Nominations which have not been delivered either to the locked box open 4th August 2010: in the SRC front office or to the post office box shown above and submitted online by the close of nominations will not be accepted (a) The election of the Representatives to the 83rd SRC (31 regardless of when they were posted. positions) (b) The election of the President of the 83rd SRC The Regulations of the SRC relating to elections are available on- (c) The election of the Editor(s) of Honi Soit for the 83rd SRC line at www.src.usyd.edu.au or from the SRC Front Office (level 1, (d) The election of National Union of Students delegates for Wentworth Building). the 83rd SRC (7 positions)

Authorised by Paulene Graham, SRC Electoral Officer 2010. Nomination forms can be downloaded from the SRC website: Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney www.src.usyd.edu.au, or picked up from SRC Front Office (Level 1, Phone: 02 9660 5222 www.src.usyd.edu.au EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL 10 The Arts Hole www.honisoit.com SPLENDOUR IN THE GRASS 2010 Bridie Connellan and Dave Mack had their names drawn from a hat for two free tickets to Splendour. Lucky Bastards. Additional reporting by Joe Payten, who had to buy a ticket.

The hype around this year’s Splendour exploded with the release of the line-up a few months back – perhaps the biggest and most talked-about list of performers in the festival’s ten- year history. This was also to be the first year the festival would not be held in Byron Bay, having effectively grown too big even for the tourist Mecca that is Byron. Instead, this year’s festivities shifted to the small Queensland town of Woodford, about an hour north of Brisbane, home to an annual folk festival and a purpose built festival site, Woodfordia.

The event was not without its hiccups; the traffic into the festival for those who arrived on Thursday night was atrocious and irked more than a few; similarly, the soulless and trash- strewn paddocks most campers found themselves in for the weekend won few fans. Bridie and I, however, arrived on Friday morning in a relatively short queue of cars and were then ushered into a much more pleasant ‘Reserved Camping’ site, with plenty of trees and ponds to provide atmosphere. Ah, the life of an Honi editor.

The festival site itself was a maze of dirt, smoke and sunshine. A winding dirt road, perpetually crowded with Wayfarer-sporting students, led patrons through an assortment of tents each offering a food or beverage more expensive and yet inexplicably satisfying than the last (we survived mostly on canned beans and peaches). In terms of the actual music venues, there were two large ‘tents’ each of which could accommodate what seemed like thousands of revellers, as well as a number of smaller venues for various DJ sets, but the pièce de résistance de la Splendour was the stunningly large and cavernous Amphitheatre: a natural tree-lined basin where the sun seemed to always shine and which won over most patrons with its charms despite the five minute walk it took to get there.

SPLENDOUR AT BEST DAY 1 (AND WORST) Tim and Jean, teenagers from Perth, opened the festival in the ‘Mix-Up Tent’, and absolutely owned the HONI'S 2010 FESTIVAL GONGS stage. Synth-heavy, Passion Pit-esque dance tracks had the surprisingly large crowd jumping, kicking off the Biggest Unfulfilled Promise - Mumford & Sons festival in style. These kids are releasing an album in September - it will be big. “If the giant blow-up zebra gets to the stage, I’ll buy you all a drink.” But the first revelation of the day was Brooklyn-based groupYeasayer , whose decidedly modern sound blends experimental and psychedelic rock, the group’s racial diversity and their casually electric tone. Their latest single, Best Bowling Alley Lighting “O.N.E.”, electrified the Amphitheatre crowd with its mix of snappy electric beats and the echoing vocals of co- - Fanfarlo

lead singer Anand Wilder on keyboard. Their appearance at Splendour marked a highpoint in what has been a Sweetest Disposition great year for the band and the crowd’s excitement confirmed that there’s even bigger things ahead. - Temper Trap

Those who chose instead to see Brit rockers Foals were not disappointed, a massive crowd gathering to dance The Enya Lion King Jungle Lovefest Achievement to their angular rock. New single ‘Spanish Sahara’ and older tracks ‘Balloons’ and ‘Olympic Airways’ proved Award - Yeasayer favourites, and the epic and anthemic ‘Two Steps Twice’ had the crowd absolutely churning by the end, their

ferocious energy making them one of the surprise hits of the festival. LCD Soundsystem are losing their Responsibility Award for Exploding Stage edge... or so they say. - The Strokes Soon the Persian rugs had been laid down on the stage, signalling the arrival of brother and sister folk duo Photography: Bel Campbell Angus and Julia Stone. With his big bushy beard and impossibly skinny jeans, Angus managed to elicit the Best Onstage Mic Fellatio - Scissor Sisters usual proclamations of love from adoring admirers (he is, after all, an extremely pretty man), despite spending most of the time pottering around the Runners Up: Bluejuice stage with all the presence of a wet sponge. Despite their lacklustre energy, a set that included all their hits managed to sufficiently soothe fans and provide a much-needed tranquillity for the two days of music insanity to follow. Most Unexpected Disco - Guzman Y Gomez As the evening went on, the real dance action for the night was to be found in the ‘Mix Up’ tent, with English electropop group Hot Chip exhilarating Best Costume Impression of an Albino Wizard the crowd with the shameless fun of “Over and Over” (with its ‘joy of repetition’) and “Ready for the Floor”. In what might be their last Australian show, and/or Monk LCD Soundsystem were simply phenomenal. Their hour-long set was punctuated by just a few lengthy songs that reverberated through the crowd, - Florence Welch while the towering image of James Murphy hovered above the crowd on the big screens either side of the stage. Sticking mostly to their old stuff, with the exception of the single “Drunk Girls” from this year’s This Is Happening, the band’s music was allowed Most Awkward Continual Rendezvous with Honi to speak for itself, leaving the dancing masses satisfied and sweaty. When Murphy finished the final song, - Triple J’s Tom & Alex

their seminal hit “Losing My Edge”, it was with a modesty that spoke to his own feelings on the need for Best Joy of Repetition a new period for all in the band. Despite rumours of a future return, for now they will be missed. - Hot Chip

Ultimately though, the real surprise of the first day was just how dynamite Scissors Sisters turned Best God-We-Love-Sydney Moment out to be. Their pop songs are usually a tad hit-and-miss but in all truth there was not a person left - Cloud Control

unimpressed or un-wowed after the glam rock theatrics of Jake Shears and Ana Matronic. The group is Best Fake Farewell effectively sex on stage; at one point, Ana ripped off a panel of her electric red dress, spending the rest - LCD Soundsystem of the set with her bra out, before proceeding to deep throat a microphone she’d place between Jake’s legs, much to the crowd’s delight; similarly, Shears spent much of the set alternating between a series The Poor Programming Meets Large Ego Early of provocative poses while his intense gaze pierced the hearts and loins of the crowd, before eventually Retirement Award: - Richard Ashcroft ending up... naked. The set was slick, choreographed and exhilarating, with the band playing it up for the audience like no other group at the festival. Scintillating, sexy and stunning. Be now for ever taken from my sight, Back at the Amphitheatre, Aussie rockers The Temper Trap thrilled fans with a surprise duet with Brit Though nothing can bring back the hour indie folk band Mumford & Sons, who unlike most bands arrived on the festival’s first day despite not Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower; performing until the last night. Blues and roots giant Ben Harper ended the first night’s festivities with We will grieve not, rather find Strength in what remains behind. a slow and soulful set which some found a tad self-indulgent, although most were impressed by his cover -William Wordsworth, Ode: Intimations of “Never Tear Us Apart” complete with INXS drummer Jon Fariss. Of Immortality From Recollections Of To bed. To bed. Early Childhood, Oh yea, Yeasayer. What a load of wank. Long faff short, we had a mu’fu’ing ball.

We are of the opinion Hipstamatic makes these original photographs look unique and arty. It was this or our Kodak disposable. OVERHEARD IN THE GRASS : FESTIVAL EAVESDROPPING “Dude, that hat looks like a scrotum.” || “There is just too… much… gravity… at this festival.” || “Hey baby, wanna make babies?” || “For sure my favourite band of all time is LED Soundsystem.” || “Ladies we’re gonna dance all night… and then go to school tomorrow.” || “I may as well go and watch the Pixies.” || “We are Miike Snow and my name’s actually Andrew.” EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL EXTRA SPECIAL SPECIAL 11 DAY 2 Waking up diagonally in a furnace of a tent with drool smeared up your cheek is a good indication that the time has come to emerge from slumber and face Day 2. With the optimism of Sydney local Jonathon Boulet, early risers shuffled into the Ampitheatre, still high (figuratively and legally of course) from the past 24 hours’ wonderment. With Boulet’s large percussion-based ensemble opting not to boost single “Community Service Announcement” until the latter half of set, it was not unreasonable for this Hills Districtian to comment, “Wow, you guys are quiet”. But Day the Second truly garnered some pizzazz as Brooklyn five-pieceThe Drums made the sunshine look mediocre in comparison. As their first Australian show, this wonderfully jaunty little indie quintet surprised fans with their blatant honesty and contextualisations, with favourite “Best Friend” introduced bluntly and matter-of-factly by lead singer Jonathan Pierce: “This is a song about my dead best friend.” With onlookers taken aback by the frank nature of such an optimistic group, the five proved lyrics are easily masked beneath bubbly indie, as such sadness starkly contrasted to the mindless fun of “Let’s Go Surfing”. With Pierce telling Triple J of a need to bring back showmanship, the frontman certainly delivered, grabbing a tambourine and proceeding to showcase his delightfully choreographed interpretive dance in stovepipes. On our perch atop the serene natural curve of the Ampitheatre, the larrikin explosion of Sydney locals Philadelphia Grand Jury ensued, as the grainy punky trio lead by high pitched warbler Berkfinger blasted their gun of a set with favourites “Going To The Casino” and “I Don’t Want To Party (Party)”. A quick dash down the treacherous mountain brought us to catch Manchester elec-trio Delphic, who had already managed to turn the Mix Up into a swirling, grinding new wave of electricity Opening with the ethereal grooves of “Clarion Call” proved a nicely ambitious introduction, as this threesome finally had the chance to show Australia why they’re consistently labelled ‘the next big thing’.

But to maintain such fire in our bellies, first we would need some fire in our mouths, and after consuming a batch of highly unanticipated chilli-laden Mee Goreng a sudden urge to put out the flames with a good swig of Bluejuice was in order. Charismatic Sydney duo Jake Stone and Stavros Yiannoukas, grabbed that stage, slapped it with ultra-violet paint, and besmocked it in white tassels and fluro sweatbands, as their energetically anomalous blend of Queen, Kool and the Gang and The Streets gave the Mix Up tent justa littlebitta Vitriol. Unfortunately their epic single “(Ain’t) Telling the Truth” conjured a swirling moshpit of sweat, beer and pee. Yes, pee. Trickling, can’t-be-fucked-lining-up warm juicy pee. We got the hell out of there.

SPLENDOUR AT BEST Adorably awkward and overwhelmed by their 6:15pm timeslot Perth foursome Tame Impala seemed comfortably daunted by their Amphitheatre slot in the cobalt dregs of the day’s light. (AND WORST) However the psychedelic quartet swiftly settled in to their elevated platform, borrowing 60s aesthetics from the likes of The Nazz, Strawberry Alarm Clock and The Move to craft their own brand of melodic hallucinogenia. Trippin’ OUT man, we saw the future, and it was freakin’ kaleidoscopic like pastel fruitbats in a liquid cave of marigold diamonds, and yeah, totally, these guys are like, showing the way man, with lucid pineapple love and all those navy blue woodchips for snacking on… What the hell are you looking at?

With crowds threatening to ambush, we eagerly proved just how smug our grins could get, leaving our ticket-holding buddies and taking our cushy spots backstage. As hardly my most-loved artist on the bill, expectations for Sydney four-piece Wolfmother, of changing line-up and general cock-on-head attitude, were notably low. I do, however, know when to stand corrected. With their cosmic 70s power rock, the foursome served a fierce set of old favourites and new-er Easter Eggs, as this misanthropist couldn’t help headbanging to a bit o’ “New Moon Rising” or the marathon “Mind’s Eye”. Humble pie is tasty.

As security struggled to divert the masses to a safer capacity, our ivory tower from stage left was feeling pretty sturdy. As harps were installed, lamps in birdcages took their place, and a large mat for what Dave believed would be cartwheels was swiftly mapped, the crowd tittered as a large curtain masked the arrival of their beloved. Marching in single file, the flaming red hair of Florence Welch was masked from view as she sauntered past, cloaked in an embroidered white hood like a mystical enchantress. With drum and golden microphone, an engulfing scream resounded as the large curtain instantly fell andFlorence and the Machine sprung to Splendourious life. Casting spells with a drumstick, caressing her keyboardist and dancing up a storm, Welch and her crew nestled new tracks like ‘Strangeness and Charm’ amongst balladic wondrousness where her uniquely virtuous vocals truly shine, as Strokes frontman Julian Casablancas would later comment ,“Boy, those pipes, that girl can sing.” Boogieing like a nut in a cream bridal gown, this redhead fury truly captivated with favourites “Kiss With a Fist” and “Rabbit Heart”, but sometimes she just puts her hands up in the air, and knows she can count on you.

“Look at this cauldron of humanity.” Oh Julian Casablancas stop. No don’t. After a backstage chest bump, a pensive sit on a crate and a casually extinguished cigarette, the gaunt forms of New York headliners The Strokes emerged onto their hypnotic tunnel of a stage to deafening applause. With the dangerous growl of “New York City Cops” the slick quintet simply wowed, with the beats of Fabrizio Moretti and solo prowess of dreamy guitarist Nick Valensi particularly well-oiled. Despite a new album tipped for 2011 the fivesome picked a healthy selection of favourites from all four albums, with “Juicebox” and “Someday” essentially starting a fire. Giving props to “Flo and the Mo” was an adorably grand gesture, as the redheaded goddess and her buddies happened to be having their own disco backstage, about 2m away from where we danced ourselves. Finishing encore with the apt “Take It Or Leave It”, Casablancas seemed exhausted, sauntering offstage to the exit hatch straight into a Budget mini van, grasping his forehead with pure Moet-soaked fatigue. We sat backstage for a while watching the roadies revamp for the morning to follow, allowing the stage explosion to settle and our blood pressure to assume a reasonably healthy level. The artists depart, the plastic cups and crushed cans scatter, and the set-lists are thieved for later nostalgia. But at the end of one life-pinnacle of an evening, eye contact with Nick Valensi was really all that mattered. Mmm mmm. Wakey wakey JC. DAY 3 The final day’s festivities saw two rapidly rising groups rock out in the Amphitheatre: Scotland’s Frightened Rabbit and Florida’s Surfer Blood. It’s always a bit hard to pump up atmosphere on a main stage at lunchtime without lights or the ambience of night (as Boulet discovered), but both bands managed to really churn out some good times, due mainly to the charisma of their lead singers, Scott Hutchison and John Paul Pitts respectively.

The Vines took to the stage late on Sunday afternoon, playing a set of songs that spanned their illustrious and tumultuous career. It was the material from their first album, however, that had the Amphitheatre heaving, ‘Outtathaway’ and ‘Get Free’ turning the mosh pit into a frenzy, before Craig Nicholls finished the set with an obligatory guitar-smashing.

Be now for ever taken from my sight, Jónsi, the guitarist and high-pitched vocalist of Icelandic post-rockers Sigur Rós, performed at nightfall in the Mix Up tent, arriving on Though nothing can bring back the hour stage in a patchwork jacket exploding with threads of rope and feathers, and eventually ducking off stage to re-emerge with a delightfully Mumford, Dadford & Sons. Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower; tacky multi-coloured Native American head-piece. The set flowed from one falsetto masterpiece to the next, and the pulsating, ethereal electronica conjured quite We will grieve not, rather find Strength in what remains behind. simply beautiful music. The final song mushroomed into a piercing and prolonged electric wall of sound that swept the crowd away in an electrical reverence. On Sunday evening Passion -William Wordsworth, Ode: Intimations Pit brought the party to the Amphitheatre, as Michael Angelakos had the packed crowd eating out of the palm of his hand. The energetic and gracious lead singer’s performance was truly Of Immortality From Recollections Of infectious, bouncing around the stage and constantly thanking the grateful crowd, as all present predictably lost their shit to “Little Secrets” and closer “Sleepyhead”, as well as an amazing Early Childhood, cover of The Cranberries’ “Dreams”. What a load of wank. Long faff short, we had a mu’fu’ing ball. Mumford & Sons have enjoyed one hell of a year and their meteoric rise seemed to culminate in their Splendour performance. The foursome seemed genuinely overwhelmed by the sea of adoring faces before them, and admitted that this was the largest crowd they’d yet played to. As Bridie and I line-danced in the VIP tent to the group’s modern folk twang, every one in the crowd seemed to fall deeply in love with lead singer Marcus Mumford, who was swiftly proving a more handsome version of Stephen Fry. When he announced to the crowd that “this was the best festival line-up anywhere in the world this year”, the roaring masses could only agree.

Wrapping up the festival were the American alternative rock band Pixies whom Kurt Cobain acknowledged as pioneers for Nirvana and the alternative rock shift of the 90s. The group reformed in 2004 after splitting up in 1993 and are most famous among people our age for, let’s face it, providing the soundtrack to the final scene of Fight Club. The group’s songs were loud, brash and brazen but often only lasted a minute or two, meaning the set-list felt long and drawn out. The four-piece also seemed to have no knowledge or understanding of what Splendour was, despite being one of the headlining acts, with lead singer Black Francis remaining mostly gruff and silent, and bassist Kim Deal asking questions like, “So, are you all camping here or something?” Most of the fans that had packed out the Amphitheatre for Passion Pit and Mumford slowly evaporated in favour of Aussie electronic boys Empire of the Sun (although apparently not for Verve headman Richard Ashcroft’s solo set, as he infamously left the stage after just four songs, complaining about the lack of crowd and saying he was off to watch the Pixies). Despite settling frost, the throbbing pain of our feet and a by-the-numbers set, we were still enraptured by the opportunity to see a band neither of us had ever anticipated seeing live. We are of the opinion Hipstamatic makes these original photographs look unique and arty. It was this or our Kodak disposable. Their final songs, “Where Is My Mind?” and “Here Comes Your Man”, were about as charming, uplifting and gratifying as garage rock can ever be and provided a memorable end to a very blurry three days of music.

“Dude, that hat looks like a scrotum.” || “There is just too… much… gravity… at this festival.” || “Hey baby, wanna make babies?” || “For sure my favourite band of all time is LED Soundsystem.” || “Ladies we’re gonna dance all night… and then go to school tomorrow.” || “I may as well go and watch the Pixies.” || “We are Miike Snow and my name’s actually Andrew.” 12 The Mains WHERE IS MY MIND? HONI OPENS UP ABOUT STUDENT MENTAL HEALTH

University students are persistently part of a growing number of young is upsettingly counterintuitive. Not only you are doing as much as those won- reminded by their parents, family and people who are experiencing mental is there no apparent benefit in levels derful people in high school,” Hickie graduated friends to make the most of health problems. “Across all counselling of support given to young people who pointed out. Emily experienced this lack their time at university before they are services in all the states, there has been decide to pursue further studies, but of concern first hand. “I guess the flip hit with the harsh realities of the world. an increase in both the number and research released just last month shows side to not having anyone tell you what Although others may be justified in their the severity of mental health problems that students are nearly four times more to do at uni is that there isn’t really much envy of our flexible timetables, frequent over the past few years,” Dr Philomena likely to be anxious and depressed than support there either. No-one seemed socialising opportunities and the com- Renner, the Acting Head of the Univer- other people their age. The results, origi- give a damn that I was struggling or monly shared three-day weekends, few sity’s Counselling Service told Honi. nally published in the Australian and New that I was missing class. In hindsight it is current students would say that univer- Zealand Journal of Psychiatry and reported probably because they didn’t know but sity is a walk in the park and the offhand The severity of the problem could be in an article in the Sydney Morning Herald it made me feel really lonely when it was approach to the university experience even worse since many don’t even realise are based on a survey of 1000 students all happening” she recalls. overlooks the very real difficulties faced they have a treatable problem and from the University of Adelaide. The by many students. therefore don’t seek help. “We find that study found that 48 per cent of partici- While it can be easy to blame the a lot of young people who have anxiety pating students from the medicine, law, University for the problem Dr. Renner NATIONWIDE BLUES symptoms, especially blokes, don’t realise mechanical engineering and psychology believes that the problem is not due to that it is a treatable disorder and not a faculties at the University of Adelaide any deficiency in the services provided About one in five Australians will ex- sign of weakness. It has nothing at all showed significant levels of anxiety and for students to deal with mental health perience a mental illness, and most will to do with not having bravery – it is an depression, compared with just 11 per issues. “The implication can be that the either directly or indirectly be faced with illness” says Associate Professor Michael cent of their non-studying peers. counselling services provided are not mental health problems in their lives. Baigent, clinical advisor of the national relevant to student concerns and I really The umbrella term refers to a number depression initiative, Beyondblue and The news comes as little surprise for don’t think that that is the case” she said. of illnesses that range both in type and Clinical Director of the Centre for Anxi- those directly involved with the treat- degree of severity. The two most com- ety and Related Disorders with Flinders ment of mental illness. “Data has been The University Counseling Service mon forms of mental illness are anxiety University. consistently showing that trend for a employs six psychologists and individu- and depressive disorders and other types number of years” said Dr Renner. ally counsels around 30 students a day, as include schizophrenia, bipolar mood So why are so many young people falling well as providing online information and disorder, personality disorders and eating through the cracks? Some young people appear to be more running workshops. There were 4875 disorders. as seriously affected by mental illness individual appointments made in 2008, Professor Ian Hickie, Australia’s pre- than others. In 2008 Beyondblue com- with 25 students presenting suicidal “Students are nearly four eminent scholar in mental health issues missioned research that found up to 31 intentions, 14 causing physical self harm and the Executive Director of the Brain per cent of young gay people suffer from and 16 with psychotic symptoms. Overall times more likely to be and Mind Research Institute at USyd, anxiety and depression compared with the number of students reporting mental anxious and depressed attributes the problem to the unfortunate between 4 to 14 per cent of hetero- illness related concerns are increasing combination of eroding social support sexuals. It also found that 17 per cent of and mental health is the most frequently than other people their and the onset of mental health deteriora- young lesbian women had tried to harm presenting problem at the Counselling age” tion. “75 per cent of mental health prob- or kill themselves compared with just 2 Service, more than relationship difficul- lems have their onset before 25, typically per cent of straight women. Those from ties, study concerns and grief and loss. The youth mental health figures are even between 15- 25. The withdrawal of a low socio-economic background were Students commonly report moderate to more alarming with one in four young support given through the education also more likely to suffer from mental severe levels of depression and anxiety. people aged 12 to 25 will experiencing a system happens just at the time when illness. mental health problem in any 12-month young people need it most and are most The problem appears to have more to do period. susceptible to these forms of illnesses,” Discipline-based trends have also been with social context than many students he said at the Sydney University Law documented in an attempt to better give themselves credit for. The authors Emily* a third year Arts/Science student Society Equity Forum in May this year. understand the problem. The study of the recently published research, con- who suffered from depression doesn’t conducted at the University of Adelaide ducted at the University of Adelaide, ac- think people are aware of just how com- Increasingly it seems that young people showed that the levels of distress were knowledged that the “changing culture” mon the problem is. “I’d say almost half are expected to sink or swim, a mindset highest among law (58 per cent) and at universities, including the demands of my friends could empathise with what heavily influenced by the view that 18 mechanical engineering (52 per cent) part-time work and intensive university I went through, especially if you are – 25 year olds who are experiencing the students, with 44 per cent of medical commitments, could be a major factor in going to include anxiety disorders- but I peak of their physical health should be students and 40 per cent of psychology the high rates of distress. It is a conclu- only found out about what everyone else able to deal with whatever challenges students also experiencing problems. sion that Dr Renner agrees with. “The was going through after I started being they are faced with. “The assumption is situation might have been different 20 open about my own experience”. Emily that you are up to it” Hickie stated. Although the most susceptibile students years back. The world has become a became depressed half way through her appear to share personality traits such as more stressful place. There has been an first year of university, after moving out It is an attitude that Luke is only too perfectionism and pessimism that predis- increase in pressure on students – cer- of home, “In around July I started to feel familiar with, “It was really hard because pose them to depression, Hickie suggests tainly there is more financial stress and really defeated and apathetic... I started my parents kept going on about how that social cohesion is also an important, difficulties with securing cheap accom- crying a lot. There was a two-month lucky I was- no-one thought there was but frequently overlooked factor. modation”. period where I was crying a little bit any reason to be upset – not even I did, everyday and I didn’t even know why” which made it even harder to seek help.” While it may be interesting to under- ON THE RADAR she said. stand why some students are more prone STUDENTS: WHINGING OR to mental health issues than others, Although the stigma associated with Luke*, a fourth year Commerce/ Law WORSE OFF? the most disturbing factor in the study mental illness has been slow to dissi- student had a similar experience in his conducted at Adelaide University is that pate there does appear to be a growing third year at university. “It was the most Since a lack of structured social sup- all the students surveyed were markedly awareness of youth mental health issues. challenging time of my life and the fact port is a major contributing factor in the more distressed than age-matched peers Professor Patrick McGorry’s 2010 Aus- that I was always one of those people onset of mental illness one would expect from the general population. tralian of the Year Award and his work who coped well with things and that that the decision to pursue tertiary stud- in lobbying the Government for the $110 made it so much harder to understand.” ies would offset the risk of mental health “You may have noticed that people at million funding required to establish Both Emily and Luke appear to be problems. The reality of the situation university don’t seem to care about how ‘headspace’, Australia’s National Youth 13

To the outside observer, uni students may seem to have it easy. Relatively empty schedules, endless opportunities to socialise and the prospect of rich and reward- WHERE IS MY MIND? ing lives following graduation. But are the kids really alright? As Carmen Culina discovers, the answer is far too often no.

Mental Health Foundation is but one Amongst young Australians, only 13% of HELPING HANDS example of the progress being made in men and 30% of women with a mental Once it has been decided that help will this area. illness will seek help in a 12-month pe- If the incidence of illness are as common be sought it often isn’t a bad idea for riod. For other common health problems as statistics suggest most of us will be in friends and family to help make the next Former WA Premier Geoffrey Gallop it is about 80%” he said. The University contact with someone who is unwell. As step and book an appointment. “Maybe AC believes that not being overt about of Adelaide study showed that psychol- Professor Baigent puts it, “It is very hard you could even offer to go along with mental health issues is half the problem. ogy students most often sought help for to find someone who doesn’t have direct them and wait in the waiting room” “We need to remember that not talking their problems (24 per cent) but me- contact with someone who has a depres- said Professor Baigent. Luke first found about illnesses like depression is part chanical engineering students were least sive illness or anxiety disorder”. treatment on the recommendation of of their definition” he said. Professor likely (six per cent). Over all, 11 per cent family. “My older sister actually booked Baigent agrees that greater effort needs of students sought help. Ian Dose, from the Black Dog Institute me an appointment to see someone and to be made to promote open discussion, is only too aware of the effect mental drove me there. I don’t know if I would “We need to create an environment at Professor Baigent emphasises the im- health and illness can have on family and have gone otherwise”. Not wanting to uni and work where people can talk portance of students seeking help early friends. “The Black Dog Institute website seek treatment is fairly common symp- about it for what it is, talk about the and not letting their problems continue gets 200,000 hits a month. Frequently we tom of depressive illnesses. “When you symptoms and the treatment” he told untreated. “If people begin seeking get approached by those close to the per- are crook with depression you often feel Honi. treatment at university age then that son suffering wanting know more about like you are wasting people’s time and will really help set them up for life” he the illness and how they can help.” that you are an imposition which is why Alternative approaches have been taken; said. Recognising the early signs and someone who is depressed may be reluc- the mindfulness based stressed reduction symptoms of mental illness also allows a Although Professor Baigent suggests that tant to speak to someone else about their programs run by the Counselling Service greater opportunity to prevent follow-on it is both humane and caring to ap- problems,” explains Professor Baigent. have been useful in increasing awareness effects such as alcoholism, gambling and proach someone ill and see whether they of student mental health issues and have substance abuse. are looking after themselves, the precise While there is still a lot we do not know been very popular with students however way to do it is not always clear cut. “If about mental health, it is increasingly ap- Dr. Renner warns against confusing the Unfortunately seeking help isn’t as easy it is someone you know it is better to parent that people with a mental illness courses with individual treatment. “It as it sounds and a major obstacle to ask them about the changes you have need the same understanding and sup- is important that students realise that if treatment is the associated guilt and the noticed in their behaviour rather than port given to people with a physical ill- they need help they shouldn’t be afraid belief that those afflicted should be able present a pre-made diagnosis” suggests ness. Mental health needs to be brought of putting their hands up” she said. to resolve the situation without treat- Professor Baigent. “There are some to the forefront of our awareness, both ment. Gallop spoke of this misguided medical causes that can cause a person within this university and society at Australian law students have been par- perception earlier this year “There still to present with anxiety symptoms like large so that prioritising mental health ticularly proactive in creating awareness seems to be this idea that you can will anemia or excessive substance use so becomes normal. about mental health issues, with the yourself out of it but it doesn’t work like those things may need to be taken into Australian Law Students Association that” he said. Luke agrees that it can be account”. developing a depression handbook for hard to understand that mental illness is students and their societies and our own no-ones fault. “I tried talking to my dad Both Emily and Luke sought help and *Real names have been omitted Sydney University Law Society leading a few times about it but he would just tell are well on their way to a full recovery. the way with events in support of Beyon- me to pull myself together and of course “It was really hard to go and see some- dblue and a landmark public forum held that is what I was trying to do everyday. one about it at the beginning. I went to earlier this year to increase awareness At the time I really felt like what I was the Counselling Service at the uni and about depression at law school. going through was a real weakness of they were really helpful – it made such character, that it was my fault... I sup- a difference being able to talk about it While their efforts should be applauded pose that is why it took me so long to to someone. We decided I should go on Professor Baigent suggests there is still a seek help” he said. anti-depressants for a period and it took long way to go especially in increasing a huge weight off my shoulders. It was awareness about anxiety related issues. incredible” Emily said. “We need to make more headway with anxiety disorders” said. “Common anxiety problems are very easily treat- able with psychological approaches so it WHERE TO is important that students have access to these kinds of therapies”. GET HELP: BEHIND THE CLOUDS A good first place to start would be to contact your local general practitioner. Most mental illnesses can be effectively treated, allowing people to recover and Websites: Mental Health Access Line: 1800 636 www.headspace.org.au continue with their life normally, as they 825 (24 hours) www.sydney.edu.au/stuserv/counselling would from many physical illnesses. www.reachout.com.au Kids Helpline (for up to 25 years old): www.blackdoginstitute.org.au Despite this there exists an alarming dis- 1800 551 800 www.sane.org parity between the prevalence of mental www.psychology.org.au illness amongst youth and the willingness Alcohol & Drug Information Service: www.moodgym.anu.edu.au to accept and treat mental health issues (02)9361 8000 (Sydney) 24 hour advice, www.arafmi.org information & referral as we would physical illness. Hickie at- www.beyondblue.org.au tributes thinks that part of the difficulty Gay & Lesbian Counselling Service: (02) with treating youth mental health is that, Phone Numbers: 8594 9596 “it is an area where people preferentially stay away from care for the problems Lifeline: 13 11 14 Grief Support: (02) 9489 6644 (24 hours) that are most likely to stop them from actually achieving their full potential. Beyondblue: 1300 22 4636 G-Line (Gambling): 1800 633 635 14 The Soapbox www.honisoit.com Props to the California District Court

David Mack thinks the landmark ruling on Prop 8 is a step in the right direction.

Last week there were two major legal marriage to gay couples constituted stories to emerge out of the United unjustified discrimination. His opinion States. The first was the confirmation of directly addressed questions of Elena Kagan as the 112th Justice of the equality by repeatedly suggesting “that Supreme Court by the US Senate; the Proposition 8 was premised on the belief former Solicitor General has become that same-sex couples simply are not as just the fourth woman in history to sit good as opposite-sex couples”. on the court and her appointment marks the first time three women will serve “Moral disapproval alone is an improper concurrently (although Ruth Bader basis on which to deny rights to gay Ginsburg is expected to retire fairly men and lesbians,” Judge Walker wrote. soon). The second major story emerged “The evidence shows conclusively that out of a US District Court in California Proposition 8 enacts, without reason, a and its decision to overturn the ‘Prop 8’ private moral view that same-sex couples A victory for Gay Rights Protesters. marriage ban that originally passed in are inferior to opposite-sex couples.” that state on November 4, 2008 – the were an acceptable compromise for our fellow citizens. day Obama’s election seemingly shifted In perhaps the most telling and same-sex marriage; they seemed to In Australia, progress is slow. In an the nation to the left. cutting statement, Judge Walker wrote provide a separate-but-equal solution election seemingly dominated by a that “strict scrutiny is unnecessary. that allowed gay and lesbian couples to bland rush to the centre, it seems that Proposition 8 was passed by the voters Proposition 8 fails to survive even have their relationships recognised under neither of the major parties believe the of California with 52 per cent of the rational basis review.” Ouch. the law and at the same time placate vote. It overturned a previous decision those who didn’t want the semantics of electorate is ready for a discussion of social equality. Julia Gillard has stated of the California Supreme Court which Proponents of Prop 8 expressed their marriage to change. she personally agrees with her party’s had declared a constitutional right for disappointment in the court’s decision, stance defining marriage between men same-sex couples to marry and inserted believing the court should have respected However, I’ve come to agree that there and women, while openly gay Senator a new section into the state’s constitution the will of the people. In reaction to the can be no room for compromise when it Penny Wong was forced to endure some which provided that “only marriage court’s decision, Sarah Palin told FOX comes to civil rights. awkward questions on Q and A last week, between a man and a woman is valid or News that she too was disappointed as reports emerged she supported her recognized in California”. The passing that a “third-tier of government” had As Judge Walker recognised, the right party’s policy (although she notably of Proposition 8 was a painful reminder “thwarted the will of the people.” Such for an individual to choose the person never used the words ‘agree’). It will that a democratic society does not criticisms are fundamentally unfounded that he or she marries is a fundamental take time and most likely continued necessarily equate to an equal society. and demonstrate profound ignorance of human right. Semantics matter. international precedent before any the American system of government. Interestingly, the case brought together Any argument regarding the threat to the government feels comfortable exploring the issue properly. two legendary legal foes in attempting to The fact that a majority of Californian ‘historical value’ of marriage blatantly have the proposition overturned. David voters passed Prop 8 does not preclude ignores the evolving status of marriage While the decision will most likely Boies and Theodore Olson argued it from being reviewed or rejected by throughout history. We no longer accept continue on appeal to the Supreme against one another in the landmark case a court. In both Australia and the US, marriage as a property agreement that Court, the Prop 8 ruling raises Bush v Gore, in which the Supreme Court the courts do not exist on a ‘third tier’ views women as commodities, nor do we interesting questions about the role of handed George W Bush the presidency but are instead co-equal branches of legally bar people of different races from courts in a democracy and the ability for in 2001, but were united in their government, and a government has no marrying or prohibit divorce. a people to choose the laws that govern opposition to Prop 8. more solemn duty than to protect the them. It also represents the best elements rights of minorities against the tyranny As much as we may find a change to the of government in action, protecting Judge Vaughn Walker’s decision, issued of the majority. status quo uncomfortable or unsettling in last Thursday, found that marriage is the short term, we must not be afraid of minority rights and taking controversial or unpopular steps where needed, guided a fundamental right and that denying Personally, I used to believe ‘civil unions’ change and the equality it can bring to only by principles of justice.

shutting it down, as funny as it would friend, female friend, be, is likely to destoy the friendship. But boyfriend or girlfriend. all up in that said, you shouldn’t be friends with All weird. Like when someone who puts up baby pictures of you’re clicking through themselves anyway. some hottie’s profile pictures with your my grill mates and you’re like I think it’s the active searching for positive comments that annoys me. It ‘yeah she’s a bit of a might even be a symptom of depression, goer aye’, then you get because it is pretty messed up for to the baby picture. Baby photos someone to be so unhappy or insecure What an atmosphere on Facebook with their adult life that they go ahead killer. The only context and post pictures of themselves in kid I can think of where it version for reassuring comments from is appropriate is when their peers. But there’s a way to deal you’re having a love-in I hate it when people post baby with depression. Geoff Gallop had with mum, dad and the pictures of themselves on Facebook. depression. But he was a man about it, sibs and you’ve got the It’s always the same: baby picture he admitted he had it and he resigned. old album out. That’s it. goes up, inane comments from friends What he didn’t do was rock up to Bet you didn’t think of this did you? follow. Something along the lines of It’s the effort that goes into it that is Cabinet and hand out baby photos of So what kind of sick baby narcissim ‘naaawww, so CUTE!’. And that’s it. also disturbing. None of us had digital himself to his ministers. drives somebody to toil at the scanner Maybe a few variations on the former, cameras back in the day, so presumably for fifteen minutes? That is fifteen but there’s not much more you can say. all these people posting their baby photos Think about it. Somehow it’s acceptable minutes you could have spent not being All the comments are positive. I mean are bent over the scanner with the old on Facebook, but if someone actually shit. I’ve never seen someone post “wow you personally invited you to look at baby Kodaks, labouring away at getting them were freaking ugly as a child”, probably digitalised. I have never used a scanner pictures of them you would be slowly Tom Lee because the baby picture is crying out making for the door. There is just no in my life. They offend my maxim of ‘if for positive affirmation and brutally context in which it works. Be it a male it’s not already on USB then fuck it off ’. 1519 A Generation Peaks Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney Tim Whelan and some good ol’ fashioned nostalgia. I was born in 1990. Over the happy interim from then to now, I was treated SRC Elections 2010 to Playschool at its peak, the Wiggles, Paul Keating in Question Time, Captain Planet, the revived Batman, Pokémon while Postal Voting it was age appropriate, pro wrestling during its absolute height (that is, before Bill Goldberg was injured and the Rock abandoned wrestling for acting), the Application Form Backstreet Boys, the Macarena, The Simpsons at their irreverent best, and the worst thing a US president ever did Prepare for Beybattle! being copping a cheeky deep-throat in Generation Y, at least in the West, between Bosnia air-raids. was the best-fed, best-sheltered, best- educated and best-entertained cohort POSTAL VOTING More to the point, these things held in history. Given that the standard of If you wish to vote in the 2010 SRC elections but are unable to my attention because I was old enough living has been on a continual upward vote EITHER on polling days Wednesday 22nd or Thursday 23rd – and at once young enough – to trend since Berlin fell to the Soviets, it September at any of the advertised locations, OR on pre-polling appreciate them when they became would follow that there’s no real reason day (on main campus) Tuesday 21st September, then you may apply household names. that it should stop now. Apparently for a postal vote. not true. This next contingent, labelled If I had been born five years later, I and copyrighted as the iGeneration by would have been exposed to an ailing Apple, only stands to lose. The ones Fill in this form and send it to: Playschool (when Humpty Dumpty started born after 1992, studies predict, will be Electoral Officer to go all prima donna and Monica’s more introverted, less expressive, more Sydney University Students’ Representative Council heart didn’t really seem in it), John computer dependent, more financially PO Box 794, Broadway NSW 2007. Howard as the first prime minister whose dependent and all round more Rudd-like words I could understand, a dead pro than any age group before. Please note: postal vote applications MUST BE RECEIVED AND wrestling circuit which had fallen Rome- IN OUR PO BOX by Friday the 24th of August at 4.30pm or they style into an arthritic horror show, the It seems logical. After all, they’ve been will not be considered. No exceptions. Jonas Brothers, the godawful arse-end of unexpressive enough to not voice their Disney’s animated movie canon, an ever dissent at the hackneyed crap that You may use a photocopy of this form. racier and unfunnier Simpsons, Beyblades, marketing executives have thrown at the Teletubbies, and the best thing a them since I hung up my Poké balls. Name of applicant: US president could ever do being to Although, it’s true, that could be age enrage the rest of the world with illegal speaking. invasions and economic Armageddons – Student Card Number: at least according to FOX News. Still, back in my day we didn’t go into any of this cyber-bullying lark. We Faculty/Year: The baby-boomers were denounced as walked ten miles, in the snow, uphill, the ‘spoiled generation’ by the war-weary both ways, to get to school so we could Phone Number: ( ) Greatest Generation, who proceeded bully people like our daddies did. We’d to coddle them further with Vietnam take their lunch money, give them the ol’ Email: draft cards. They had yet to reckon with nipple-cripple and finish by flushing their Generation X, who one-upped their heads down the toilet. Mobile: pot-happy parents with crack cocaine, Malcolm Fraser, Gordon Gekko and the And we had to share the toilet. I hereby apply for a postal vote for the 2010 SRC elections. I declare retrospective tag of the ‘me generation’. that I am unable to attend a polling booth on any of the polling days, OR on any of the pre-polling days, for the following reason: This week, the Coalition announced that, (please be specific. Vague or facetious reasons will not be accepted. the electoral if elected, it would pay $179 million over officer must under section 20(a) of the election Regulation consider that the stated four years to tackle knife and gun crime FACT! reason justifies the issuing of a postal vote.) and “build safer communities”. It has Pockets were only invented in the promised to introduce ‘National Violent late eighteenth century. Gangs Squad’ tasked with combating such crimes. We thought they could use this Nobody actually needs glasses. poster. Orange juice at McDonald’s is actually made from squeezed mandarins.

Pandas were invented by the Chinese in the early 1960s Signature: to increase sympathy for the Communist regime. Please send voting papers to the following address:

Cats’ ears cannot hear sounds at the frequency of dogs’ barks. State: Postcode:

I require a copy of the election edition of Honi Soit: YES / NO GOT AN OPINION? For more information contact Submit it to our new Paulene Graham, Electoral Officer 02 9660 5222 section, ‘The Soapbox’! [email protected]

Authorised by Paulene Graham, SRC Electoral Officer 2010. Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney Phone: 02 9660 5222 www.src.usyd.edu.au 16 The Score www.honisoit.com

A SPORTING CHANCE COLLEGE than rooms grouped together. At Drew’s, college kids have to get David Mulligan thinks climbing rocks! Catherine Marks gets involved in the College room draw.. into groups of five that want to be together, obviously meaning that groups Rock climbing, originally reserved for the of metal equipment that you jam into You would think life is already tough of six or seven end up excluding people, sole purpose of making film protagonists cracks in the rocks. However, in some enough for college students: drinking most weakest link style. At Women’s, things get look bad-ass in killer action scenes (see places around the world, local climbing nights, having to vacuum their own room difficult with balconies. Balconies require Spiderman, Mission Impossible II, Vertical etiquette doesn’t allow you to use metal (except for Pauls’ boys), having to cook you to get into groups of 3 or 8, and apply Limit and Cliffhanger), is a fringe sport gear when climbing, as it is seen to be their own food (no, wait, not that one). together. At times it gets very messy. in Australia recognised as on par with too damaging to the rock, and instead But then comes room draw. That dreaded deep-sea chess and rhythmic gymnastics. you’re left with knots of string crammed time late in semester 2 when the students Last year there were several people This sport came to eminence in Australia into cracks as protection. Finally, for of all colleges have to sort out who will promised spots on balconies, only to be those who see safety equipment as live in which room the following year. It during the 1960s when developments in told later that their room had been given tends to be stressful, and with good reason. the use of metal protective equipment obsolete and who have the last name to someone else. There are also rumours Think back to organising high school meant that rock climbing could become ‘Norris, Walker Ranger’, soloing is a of an actual physical fight over room camp groups and how political that was, more than just a creative and picturesque form of climbing which uses no safety allocations. At Paul’s there are no balconies but then imagine having to choose who way of committing suicide. Nowadays, equipment at all. The only requirement or groups of five, but this doesn’t mean you are living with not for three nights, however, with the increasing popularity for this extreme sport, however, is that things aren’t bitchy. Some Paul’s boys but a whole year. It’s complicated and of indoor climbing gyms, the sport’s that, much like wrestling, you need an like to take over corridors. To organise, it’s serious business - you don’t want to traditionally dreaded-haired quasi awesome nickname to accompany your some coercion is necessary. There are be on a floor by yourself, you don’t want image. Something along the lines of stories told of Paulines threatening others hippy/bohemian following has been to be stuck in a room next to the person ‘Hot Henry’ Henry Barber, ‘The Rock so as to ensure they and their friends can replaced by hoards of lawyers, bankers that makes you turn off music at midday have the corridor that they want, despite and accountants taking up the sport in a Master’ Dan Osman, or ‘Spiderman’ because it is “distracting their study”, and not having as many points. vain attempt to convince themselves that Alaine Robert, who came to notoriety you definitely don’t want to live next to they’re interesting and different. in Sydney last year by climbing the someone who doesn’t recognise that there The best systems seem to be the ones Aurora Palace office tower in the CBD are consequences of having very thin walls. As a basic overview, rock climbing can as a promotional stunt for the men’s where everyone writes down whereabouts they want to be, who they want to be near, be divided into four different categories: magazine Zoo. Each college has a different system, which and one student or member of staff sorts top-roping, lead climbing, trad climbing affects how difficult the organisation it out. Just like they did on Year 7 camp. and soloing. Top roping, probably the So if this sounds like something you’d process is. Paul’s and Women’s systems Wesley has the system that requires the best recognised, is that Year Six camp want to have a crack at, and you’re each involve choosing rooms in an order least amount of diplomatic negotiation. bored of conventional land-based sports, pre-determined by the amount of points favourite where you climb up a rock Collegians write their preferences for room you have. The points system is based on face attached to that dirty kid in your Sydney University has a rock climbing location, and who they want to live near. seniority within the college, uni marks and class who still can’t read properly and and mountaineering society for you! This takes out the element of rejection, participation in college activities. So for hope that he’s competent enough to Come along to test yourself with this as you can blame “the system” if you end example at Women’s, each year you spend save you when the time comes. Lead mentally and physically demanding up not living near someone you are in a at college gives you 50 points. Playing climbing, the next step up, is more sport, sign our legal waiver (absolving unilateral friendship with. a sport for college gives you six points, advanced and involves clipping your us of any liability from your imminent getting an HD or a D average gives you 5 rope into bolts on the wall as you ascend. death) and enjoy the company of Some are lucky: either their friendship or 3 respectively. The college then creates fun and like-minded people. Weekly group fits perfectly into the way their Trad climbing though, the reckless and a long list, where everybody is ranked, and meetings are held at The Ledge college organises rooms, or they just drunkard brother of lead climbing, people are allowed to pick their rooms in honestly don’t care about where they is a form of climbing where the only Climbing Centre (on top of The Arena this order. things holding you from a very painful Sports Centre) at 5pm on Wednesdays, live. For the rest, it’s a zero-sum game. Be prepared: it’s on. and Mufasa-esque style death are bits so come and give it a go. Where everything gets complicated is when you have more people in a friendship group

dogs and no sign of Goran. However, we We somehow found ourselves in a bar were beckoned over by a congregation named Hellboyz (that was the name Wanderlust of elderly women, and met the first in scrawled in chalk above the studded Joe Smith-Davies does the Splits. our cavalcade of Croatian characters. door, perhaps it’s the Split equivalent of the Shortlist). The temperature inside When travelling, you remember different Eros or the fantastically-named Hostel The woman who addressed us assured was suitably hellish and before anyone places for different reasons. At the risk Eros. that she, in fact, was “Hostel Eros” and really knew what was happening both of sounding like that much-maligned Goran’s “big aunt”. Having no evidence staff and clientele were topless, Croatian Ronaldo ad, some places are memorable Having plumbed for the second option, to the contrary, we decided to follow her. trance music was doofing and my friend for their stunning geographical features, despite some inauspicious online reviews She led us three blocks back up the and I were challenged to eat the remains some for their mouth-watering (or eye- which chose to emphasise the dampness street, and our questions as to where of a massive pig’s head on the bar. watering) cuisine and some for their of Eros rather than its more romantic we going were not met with the Although it has the most impressive set unique, vibrant nightlife. Other places qualities and less than detailed directions most reassuring responses. What was of dentures in the place, we were unsure are memorable for their people. Split, which involved a bus, three stops and established, though, was that she had where this dance music/competitive the gateway to the profoundly beautiful little else, we set off for the airport. After “problems” (accompanied by the eating/stripping festival was going, and Dalmatian coast, falls into the latter three hours delay and some suspect universal hand gesture for “crazy”), her decided to call it a night. category. currywurst, which provided comic relief leg was “kaput” and her allegiance to in the form of the wurst vendor (whose Split was questionable (her t-shirt was The evening’s travails were not over Booking a hostel on the day you wish to name was Herr Herrman) and sausage- proudly emblazoned with “Dubrovnik”). though. Walking back to Eros, we were arrive in a city is a difficult task at the related Dickensian punnery (“It was the She was half-way through showing us subjected to a series of heavily-accented best of times. A maelstrom of logistical, best of times, it was the wurst of times”), “Hostel Eros” before the apparently death threats from two guys on a Vespa. financial and personal considerations we finally boarded a QuEasyJet (unlike quite dishy Goran turned up and assured Never has the innocuous putt-putt of enveloped me as I sat in front of a most other EasyJet extras, the Qu comes us we were in the right place. Hostel a tiny scooter engine taken on such a Trojan-infested laptop, perspiring free) to Split. ownership in Split is definitely a family frightening edge. We may have Hell’s- profusely under the cosh of a relentless affair. Angels, but Split has the HellBoyz. The Berlin sun. Okay, so it wasn’t really that Upon arrival at what was hopefully next morning, when a cleaner burst into bad, although a heated exchange with Split’s “main port” in Goran of After settling into our new surrounds, our room and delivered an ultimatum of an online Travelex account did ensue. Hostel Eros’ directions, finding the we decided to explore Split by night. “I must clean” with a look of glee on her It turned out, given the timeframe and aforementioned palace of love was The main boardwalk was an interesting face, we knew there was only one thing large number of people in our travel fairly painless. Or at least finding what juxtaposition of folk festival and half- to do. Make like a banana, and… posse, our choice of accommodation we thought was Hostel Eros was fairly court basketball and dinner was heartfelt in Split came down to a matter of painless. We reached the “big yellow and hearty. It wasn’t until after dinner perspective: the tackily-named Hostel building” to find only a few emaciated that we really started mingling though. SRC Help 17 Ask Abe Q & A with students who need help and a dog who has all the answers. . .

Send your letters to: [email protected]

Dear Abe,

I am worried about my friend. Towards the end of last semester my friend stopped coming out with us so much. This semester it seems to be worse. He doesn’t return phone calls most of the time, and sleeps at weird times of the day. When we do go out he doesn’t seem to be enjoying himself and is generally really grouchy. I think he might be depressed but don’t really know. I don’t want to over-react but I am his friend and I want to be there for him if there is something wrong. Is there anything I can do?

Concerned

Dear Concerned,

I have sought Beyond Blue’s help in answering your question. They say that having feelings of depression and anxiety from time to time is normal. However, when the symptoms you mention affect day-to-day life, they may be indicative of depression or an anxiety disorder. Beyond Blue have a section dedicate to youth depression and anxiety, with lots of useful factsheets and information. See www.youthbeyondblue.com

Beyond Blue suggest you listen to your friend without judgment, talk to them about what’s going on for them and seek help together.

It can be really hard to start a conversation about it. Choose a time and place where you are both comfortable and have time to talk. You could start with, “I’ve noticed you seem a bit down lately…” From listening to your friend try and work out how he is feeling. Maintain eye contact with him and try and ask open-ended questions IN 2010, NUS IS URGING The collective voice of Australian students at the ballot box can make waves – not ones that need yes or no answers. STUDENTS TO GET ACTIVE in Canberra and on every campus. The nus vote for students campaign sets Stay calm while you are listing, and try out a pledge to uphold four key demands. The pollie pledge urges candidates IN THE FEDERAL ELECTION. and save your suggestions and advice at the upcoming election to use their vote in parliament in support of student for later. THE VOTE OF NEARLY ONE issues. We are asking students to use their vote in the federal election to support MILLION STUDENTS IN candidates who have signed on to vote for students. HIGHER EDUCATION HAS If you think they may be experiencing depression or anxiety encourage them THE POTENTIAL TO For more info or to take the student pledge, go to to go and speak to a counselor or IGNITE CHANGE FOR THIS www.unistudent.com.au/vote doctor. You could offer to go with them. GENERATION AND FOR THOSE TO COME. Don’t forget, worrying about someone else can be stressful for you. Make sure you look after yourself as well.

Contact SRC HELP Abe phone: (02) 9660 5222 email: [email protected] On such an important issue Abe relied on www.src.usyd.edu.au Level 1, Wentworth Building advice from experts this week, Beyond Blue If you are not on main campus contact Breda on: 0466 169 664 18 The SRC Reports www.honisoit.com President's Report Report of the SRC President, Elly Howse // [email protected]

The University’s 5 Year Strategic Plan or said to me that you were impressed was released last Wednesday to much with the SRC’s response to the Green fanfare, in conjunction with a very suave Paper. I won’t take all the credit for it, and sophisticated-looking discussion but I am really happy that some of the paper and explanation of the Strategic ideas presented by the SRC were taken Plan. This was called the ‘White Paper’ up more fully by other people in the (following on from the infamous ‘Green University, which meant they actually Paper’ earlier this year). found their way into the White Paper. Incredible! I actually wrote parts of our The White Paper and the Strategic response based around the anecdotal Plan are both the result of an intense comments I’d heard from my peers in amount of consultation, discussion, classes, events, C&S committees and decision-making and (sometimes) SRC collectives. So yes, the University arguments around the future direction does listen to you…eventually! of the University. Questions like, ‘What kind of University do we want? What Whilst overall I was very impressed with kind of students would we like? What the size and scope of the University’s sort of areas of study, disciplines and strategy and reforms for the next five many students it should take in? This University is really going to be able to degrees would we like to offer? How can years, I was a bit disappointed. I enjoyed shouldn’t be a process that happens regularly assess the needs, questions and we make the student experience even the consultation process and I loved every five years – you need students wants of the student body is through better?’, just to name a few. There was going around and hearing students’ sitting on all aspects of governance in improving on representation and regular a lot of heated debate around particular opinions on a range of different issues. the University, so that the student body is consultation. Imagine if everyone who issues like whether Honours was a Students are definitely not as apathetic fully aware of the implications say of the paid tax in Australia was represented by good and well-recognised programme, as some people portray us to be – you University increasing its postgraduate a group of 10, instead of 226 members whether we could do more to improve just have to get us interested on the intake and decreasing its undergraduate at the federal level, and hundreds more the undergraduate generalist degrees, particular issues we individually feel very intake, or the implications of building at the state and local level? Taxpayers in who should run extra-curricular activities passionate about. For some students, a multi-million dollar cross-disciplinary Australia would be really pissed off. So on campus, who should be in charge it was the prospect of ‘Vicar Spence’ research which is heavily focused on the why aren’t we the students, the reason for of catering and bars, etc. If you have running Manning Bar. For other needs of researches and academics but the creation of a University, the people ever wondered what academics having students, it was the notion that Honours that fails to mention the word ‘student’ who fund a huge number of activities a bit of a tussle with each other actually could be scrapped. For a whole lot of anywhere. here, better represented? look like, I definitely saw a bit of it in other students, the idea that general staff numbers should be decreased or Academic Board and its subcommittees! The 49,600 students that go here ‘simplified’ when everything becomes I don’t know the answer to these should be agitating for more of a say online didn’t get a good rap. (Or as one questions. I have a feeling it’s historic But you know what? I was really in University governance structures. student remarked to me, “It’s sometimes – as in, the number of student reps on impressed by the level and depth of Senior Executive Group or ‘SEG’ as its nice if you’re worried about subject boards, committees and groups hasn’t engagement with these big issues by the known should have at least one student choice, enrolments or fees to be able to changed, though the population of students, staff and other members of representative on it. Senate only has go and talk to a real human being, not students has increased enormously in the the University community. The fact that 2 Student Fellows. Half the Faculty an internet page or an automated voice.” last 10-20 years. people were essentially locking horns Boards in the University don’t invite over their different ideas as to where the Here, here!). their student representatives to meetings. What’s the future? First of all, have a University should be heading? Fantastic. So it’s left to people like myself and read of the Strategic Plan and White It means people are passionate – the But what I was really disappointed in other student reps to sit on a gazillion Paper (they’re not very long and they students sitting next to you in class, was the whole notions of ‘transparency’ committees and often be the lone genuinely raise some interesting points). your lecturers and tutors, the general and ‘democracy’ that kept coming up voices in a room full of management or Then talk to your fellow students and staff who help you out with enrolments and were repeated time and time again academics. And y’know, we say some ask them what they think. Why aren’t or faculty queries, and the general by the White Paper, Vice-Chancellor pretty rad things sometimes… we better represented? Is this going management of the University. And and senior management. Surely the students, as one of the biggest (if not to change with the University’s new personally, I think that’s a really great So if we want to be a democratic largest) stakeholders in the University, strategy? I really hope so! thing. institution, that’s transparent, I fully should have more of a say in where the support that. But we need more Tweet me: @srcpresident Many of you responded to the Green University spends its money, what areas student involvement, participation and Email me: Paper, and a few of you even wrote it decides to specialise in or offer, or how representation. That is the only way the [email protected]

Get involved! Come along to a collective... SRC Honi Soit Website Launch a Success! Women's Collective: 1pm Thursdays, Holme Women's Room. Thank you to everyone who attended our launch celebration. Check it out: www.honisoit.com Queer Collective: 2pm Mondays, Queer Space Holme Building NUS Pollie Pledge For more information [email protected] SRC Honi Soit 'Opinion Competition' Environment Collectives: Now open for entries. Student Enviro Action Collective (SEAC): 1pm Mondays, Botany Lawns See the back cover of this edition of Honi Soit for details. Climate Action Collective: 1pm Mondays, Chancellors Lawns Competition closes 5pm (EST) Friday 17 September 2010.

NUS Pollie Pledge - www.unistudent.com.au/vote/ Greens to sign the NUS Pollie Pledge make our vote, and our voice count! @ Greens Youth Policy launch, 2:00 for 2.15pm - 3:30pm, > Thursday 12 August, Manning Bar - Uni of Sydney 19 General Secretary's Report Report of the General Secretary, Donherra Walmsley // [email protected]

So it’s week 3 of semester already, which based on which discipline they were -5/5. (He gets minus points because he means that the first “assessment hump” enrolled. actually wants to implement policies of semester is drawing disturbingly near, which have already been introduced and as is the federal election. In subsequent years, HECS fees were then abolished: not only is it bad policy, increased further – and I’m not talking it’s not even original!) Last week I wrote about Tony about small increases to keep up with Abbott’s plan to reintroduce Domestic CPI (consumer price index), I’m talking Meanwhile, the Labor Party. J-Gill’s Undergraduate Full Fee places. about adding thousands of dollars been pretty focused on releasing policy to win the votes of key western Sydney This week, while Labor remains to the cost of courses, which over an continue if re-elected, but at the moment seats, seats in which, unfortunately, disappointingly quiet on plans for the entire degree tends to add up. This that’s about all they’ve said. Students tertiary education doesn’t seem to be a tertiary education sector should they is hugely problematic for engaging need a commitment to more Youth big priority. They’ve been pretty quiet be re-elected, Tony’s come out with students from low SES backgrounds, Allowance reforms as well as a plan to on policy for the tertiary sector, apart another worrying announcement for uni many of whom are debt averse, and address the affordable housing crisis, so from Simon Crean’s announcement students both current and prospective: choose to avoid studying because they hopefully those announcements might be that they’d try to introduce a Student the Coalition has refused to rule out don’t wish to accrue a giant debt they forthcoming over the next few days. raising the HECS cap. In other words, will have to pay back. The idea that Services and Amenities Fee – legislation to support student organisations and they’re considering increasing the fees we HECS fees could be increased further, Julia Gillard scorecard for education: the services they provide which was have to pay in order to study and get our and potentially completely deregulated 2.5/5 degrees. When John Howard was elected so that universities are free to charge defeated in the Senate last year. The roll-out of a deregulated university to government in 1996, he changed whatever they want with no government I’m running out of room, so I’ll keep the system (where places aren’t set by the HECS from a standard $2 500 fee for all intervention is a pretty scary one. last one brief: government, instead uni’s can do what students to a three-tiered system, where Greens scorecard: 5/5 for policy, 2/5 for they want) is something that they’ll students paid $3 300, $4 700 or $5 500, Tony Abbott scorecard for education: ability to implement it.

Women's Report Report of the Women’s Officer, Rosie Ryan // [email protected] So I am really ridiculously irritated by this is not at all a response against Abbott, just a fair, masculine achievement. election and the coverage of Australia’s but rather a short-term “rush of sisterly A friend of mine was door knocking for first female prime minister. Yes the media support” for Gillard. Because women the federal election last week and was should be judging and judging harshly on could not possibly be concerned by a man subject to an aggressive rant from a man policy, but the reality is that a large chunk who parades around near naked speaking who claimed Julia Gillard was a shining of the time that should be spent on that about the housewives of Australia and example of the “fact that women can only is being spent picking apart Julia Gillard’s their ironing bills ever get ahead in politics by backstabbing earlobes, clothing, marital status and someone.” The criticism that noone has supposed status of a puppet of the ‘faceless Over the last few weeks commentators ever become the leader of their party men’ of the ALP. and members of the Liberal party have without a large amount of backstabbing claimed that Gillard is simultaneously is fair, but to make that a gender specific Miranda Devine, in her opinion piece a ruthless, backstabbing power grabber criticism is blatant historical revisionism. “Gender Won’t Be Enough To Get Gillard and a puppet of the male-dominated Gillard is certainly not the only woman of the party is on her narrow shoulders… Over The Line,” makes a number of party. Devine argues that those men have who has experienced the inevitable If Gillard fails she has gone down in characteristically offensive assumptions. “spoiled the historic moment of Australia consequences of being a woman who is everyone’s estimation. She will be just The piece aims to dispute the lie that getting it’s first female prime minister, successful within politics. The number of another woman outsmarted. What a the image on the cover of the Australian because she was foisted on us, nice and times the accusation that a woman running waste.” The imagery of a narrow- Women’s Weekly supposedly puts forward, impressive though she is. They have for a position is a “puppet” of men who shouldered Gillard proving through her that she is an “attractive, warm and open cheated women of a legitimate victory.” have supported her crops up within student defeat that women will always be easily person, with an appealing vulnerability.” This accusation reeks of hypocrisy. What organisations is astounding. outsmarted puppets of faceless men is Devine goes on to speak about the polls about Tony Abbott’s overturning of proof that we have an awfully long way to reflection that Gillard is favored by women Malcolm Turnbull? No, of course that was Devine finishes her article with, “The fate go. Education Report Report of the Education Officer, Gabriel Dain // [email protected]

DUFF less wealthy students who had a better of $60,000 for a degree is flawed. Of If you agree, then help us support the Yes, it’s the name of a fictional beer, but it UAI were left out. course, if a BA costs $60k, then only candidates who support students, and also stands for “Domestic Undergraduate The reason I’m taking you through this privileged people will enrol at university. keep the Coalition out of government Full-Fee”. Before 2009, DUFF places at bit of higher education memorabilia is It is the government’s responsibility by going to: www.unistudent.com/vote/ university allowed potential students to that the Coalition has promised to bring to make sure that students who are and taking the student pledge. get into uni with a lower UAI in exchange back DUFF places to all universities in disadvantaged by socio-economic status, for paying their fees in full, and upfront. Australia. They will also increase HECS background, geographic location, or Gabriel Ignacio Dain Whereas you and I pay around $600 per if they get into government, which would anything else, have the same opportunity 0415291841 unit of study (though this varies), DUFF affect tens of thousands of students to attend university as any north shore, [email protected] students would pay over $2500. Students enrolled at universities today. The idea private school, trust fund student reading [email protected] who could afford to pay this much would that university students are privileged this paper right now. essentially buy their way into uni, while and can or should therefore pay upwards 20 Bletchley Park www.honisoit.com THE HONI SOIT CROSSWORD Fortissimo. (7) Across 21. Devil to relax vocally, stunned (9) 1. Persecute per rascal (7) 22. Above a spinner (4) 5. Spike urchin’s brew (6) 25. Tina and Hooch? (6) 10. Rogue student in sport zit (6) 26. Former scary clown to leave (4) 11. Scallywag legal and understood (8) 27. Way to tumble or walk (6) 13. Ne’er-do-well layer to blow up (7) 28. 101 35-down after small genre (3-2) 16. Loo, arse, poo, air freshener (7) 31. Quiet doubled around nothing, then 18. Tai Pei can’t otherwise expect… (10) bang! (3) 20. …already one monster? (4) 33. Peter flew backwards into a snooze (3) 23. Never back endless level (4) 34. Endless princess has a garland (3) 24. Peter’s malt casts light outdoors (6, 4) 35. See 4-down 28. Elected representative rates on change (7)

29. Beg ruffian legend (7)

30. Scoundrel cowboy out of order! (8) (3) Wreath 34.

32. Student snake twisted joints (6) (3) Kip 33.

36. Troublemaker in the style of French (3) cry cork’s Champagne 31.

animal (6) (3-2) e.g. for Wars, Star 28.

37. Scamp falsified and suggested (7) (6) Amble 27.

26. Way out (4) out Way 26.

Down (6) Spinner 25.

1. Incriminate devil, beat eight, allegedly (9) (4) Over 22.

2. British half of a cheerleader’s apparatus (9) aback taken Stunned; 21.

(3) (7) Stephen for 17.Italian

3. Suffer sick boxer (3) (4) whale of Type 15.

BENNY DAVIS

14. Configuration (7) Configuration 14.

4, 35-down Audio equipment saying hello Down

23. Flat; regular (4) regular Flat; 23.

to a giant’s bellow (2, 2) (4) Maintain 12.

20. Abominable snowman (4) snowman Abominable 20. 9. Teach (6) Teach 9.

6. Tooth decay or slam…(6) (7) insinuated Suggested; 37.

18. Wait on (10) on Wait 18. 8. Praise; commend (5) commend Praise; 8.

7. …Car Crash Bend (3) (6) animal Plain 36.

16. Spray can (7) can Spray 16. 7. Curve (3) Curve 7.

8. Praise out loud former levy (5) (6) end? his met Achilles Where 32.

13. A way to demolish a building (7) building a demolish to way A 13. 6. Teeth (6) Teeth 6.

9. Bestow hooligan painting (6) (8) unsuitable Unfit; 30.

11. Assumed; understood (8) understood Assumed; 11. 4, 35-down Sound system (2, 2) (2, system Sound 35-down 4,

12. Hold the fort! (4) (7) Beseech 29.

10. Acne (6) Acne 10. 3. Be in pain (3) pain in Be 3.

14. Stroke bird arrangement (7) (7) representative Elected 28.

5. Spear (6) Spear 5. 2. English (colloq.) (3) (colloq.) English 2.

15. Whale or California (4) 4)

1. Persecute (7) Persecute 1. 1. Incriminate (9) Incriminate 1.

17. Stephen, in Italy, is one of a small (6, vision driver’s aid to night at Used 24. number following Saint Emmanuel Across SUDOKU THE TAKE HOME* *Questions themed around this week's issue.

1. The House of Fabergé was founded in which European nation?

2. Who was the star in the 1993 movie Cliffhanger?

3. Which was the first US state to legalise gay marriage?

4. In which year was Pokémon created: 1992, 1996 or 1998?

5. Which band recorded the song “Black Dog”?

6. True or false: the Red Cross was founded 157 years ago.

7. Who is Gwyneth Paltrow’s actress mother?

8. Fulminology is the study of which natural phenomenon?

9. Who is the president of Afghanistan?

10. Richard Ashcroft was the lead singer of which Britpop band?

11. Who headlined the first Big Day Out: Violent Femmes, Nirvana or Frenzal Rhomb? RATED: Tricky like a fox

12. True or false: Heidi Montag, of Hills fame, released a dance music album called Superficial earlier this year. 13. Gehenna is: Mr Squiggle (a) the Jewish form of purgatory; (b) henna-based liquid; (c) traditional Armenian constume.

14. True or false: Trivial Pursuit was created more then 50 years ago.

15. Catagelophobia is the fear of what?

14. False (it was created in 1979) 15. Being ridiculed Being 15. 1979) in created was (it False 14. (a) 13. week) first its in copies 658 sold (it True 12. played) also Nirvana (though Femmes Violent

11. 11. Verve The 10. Karzai Hamid 9. Lightning 8. Danner Blythe 7. True 6. Zeppelin Led 5. 1996 4. Massachusetts 3. Stallone Sylvester 2. Russia 1. ANSWERS: The Garter Press NOW BOTH BIG AND CLEVER

ISSUE: The last one with Inception references, we swear. EST Summer 1969 (The Best Days of Our Lives) PRICE: Less than the dishwasher, but more than the set of steak knives. NINE FREE WIN WIN WIN! WAYS TOTEM Don’t get caught out Win a thing! What’s the thing? Find out To sexify your toast inside what the thing you win will be! (It’s INSIDE again! maybe a picture of my dog) FUTURE OF GO KARTING CALLED INTO QUESTION mollycoddling which threatens to COMMENT EXCLUSIVE destroy this past-time for all to enjoy, With Rick Brumby be they man, woman, toadstool or great ape. A GAME OF TWO HALVES Look, there is no denying the fact that the sport of Go Karting is dangerous. It requires the participants to travel at enormous speeds in an open vehicle Those of you who have read this without any protective gear, with column before will know my long the potential of being struck by any standing animosity toward the over number of obstacles; banana peels, regulation of the proud sport of Go turtle shells or occasionally lightning. Karting. But the fact remains that these players Back in 1996 when the governing body know the risks and are all seasoned allowed the first race to be played in a racers, entirely aware of their abilities. stadium with a dirt track, I applauded I can well remember chatting to one their forward thinking and flexibility. to decrease accidents, including fewer of the light-weight players in the late do you think after all he’s done to us, Later in 2002, I was one of the key jumps and 45% less jumping lava. 90s who told me that while his size we really want to be anywhere his players in the push to allow two These concessions, however, haven’t mightn’t allow him the brawn to bash house?!” riders per Kart, affording a greater been enough to please the fun-police, other players off the track, it also experience for spectators and meant with grumblings coming from within meant that he was faster off the mark Such concerns need to be taken into that the racers could store twice as the racers themselves. and could achieve speeds higher than account, but as I have said before, many weapons. his larger opponents. and I’ll say it again; in the world of One such racer, who asked to remain extreme Karting, if you can’t stand So it is with a heavy heart and more nameless told me, “It’s utter lunacy out “Lets-a-go” he added. the heat, get out of the medieval, than a resigned sigh that I greeted the there. I got into this as a distraction labyrinthine fire-castle owned by a news of the shutting down of one of from the rest of my royal duties, and The course in question has been murderous dinosaur, hell-bent on the sport’s most popular courses due to now I have to put up with giant stone with the sport since the beginning kidnapping you and killing your safety concerns. cubes smashing down on the track? and has undergone any number of boyfriend. In what way is that anywhere near changes over the years in an attempt This is the precise kind of the bounds of the regulations? Also, It’s just that simple. “Too many amateurs in this year’s City2Surf,” says Jerk INSIDE

EXCLUSIVE Here is not maybe one or two runs under their belt. Frank Apollo the place, Jones was overheard to have repeatedly Selling his drill (0305 454 873) Frank Idiots! They’ll never win it.” TV GUIDE: <---- called for “more pain!” to no one in particular as he climbed Heartbreak How long will it’s string of Huge numbers of Sydneysiders turned Local man Brad Jones, of Waverley, has Hill, and screamed “move it grandma” correct predictions continue? out this year to celebrate what has expressed his outrage at the number of to a pair of middle-aged women jogging Stay tuned! become one of the city’s most important “amateurs” competing in this year’s 40th casually. “I didn’t really get a chance community events. “Yeah, I totally agree, annual amateur Sun-Herald City2Surf. to break free of the pack and just burn way too many noobs out there getting in DEATH OF A SALESMAN: Specifically, Jones, 32, outlined his people off, which was a shame. Too many my way,” he said. “I mean, I didn’t spend frustration at the large number of “total punters in the way,” Jones said of his Obituaries, p. 147 $400 on this pair of trainers to walk pussies getting in my way” on the course 4871st placing. “I’m certain I could’ve behind some guy wearing a Kermit the from the City to Bondi as he attempted finished top 10, top 20 if I’d just been SPACE: EXCLUSIVE Frog suit. I bought them to win.” to “absolutely kick people’s arses, to given a chance to cut loose.” When will its reign of terror pretty much dominate” the race. Jones has stated that being stuck in the come to an end? Jones has already begun planning his back group for the race was probably The community event, in which people rigorous training regime for the Clovelly an even more frustrating outcome than are encouraged to compete and raise Primary School Fun-Run in September. WATER RESTRICTIONS: the time he had to play on the wing for money for charity, has been the focus for “Yeah, it’s a pretty important event, and 10 innovative new ways to his work touch football team. “That a three-month period of intense training it’ll have me in great shape for the social was a pretty bad incident, I lost a lot of waste water for Jones. “I was so ready to open up a cricket season. And then there’s Uncle friends over that, but I think everyone can of whoop-ass on the competition Jack’s 50th in a few months, so I need to now realises that I would’ve been better after my pre-season,” Jones noted. “I was be ready for the family soccer game that SCIENCE: utilised in the halves or the centres definitely at a distinct advantage thanks day,” he noted. “I’ve got a few scores to Can it explain the existence of for that match, and that’s probably the Look for the new ‘soft’ Garter, to the length of my training scheme. settle, so that will be a huge match.” ghosts? Probably not. Most people turn up on the day with reason we lost. But hey, I’ve moved on.” available at all distribution points The Garter Press Comment

like they were designed by some OH MY GOD, That’s what I thought until I saw I mean that’s pretty cred, right? cynical, unimaginative advertising this ad for a phone company that Wait, I haven’t told you about lackey, this one was like stepping resonated with me and my post- the rest of it, which I will surely into my mate’s design warehouse THIS FUNKY AD modern, well informed cynicism. be tweeting about later. The best or the cover of a Belle and Sebas- So I know what you’re thinking, part by far was this ad’s laid-back tian Album. TOTALLY GETS right – a phone company? That’s attitude to the whole thing. You pretty lame. How could a phone know how ads are always all like And even if I can’t buy their prod- company possibly hope to reach “buy our stuff!”, well this one uct right now, that’s completely ME out to this jaded but lucrative seemed to suggest “hey, buy or cool, because I can get involved section of our society, constituting stuff or don’t, it’s totally up to in a heap of different ways with The Coveted Gen-Y approximately 75 per cent of their you”. And you know what? It is their totally interactive Web 2.0 market? totally up to me. That’s what’s site. I can upload my pictures, Demographic so awesome about this thing, make a video and even submit Well for starters, you know what it connects with my desire for my own designs. It feels like more I, and by extension 4.6 million self-determination. This ad totally of a ‘project’ than a ‘campaign’. Ok, so if you’re like me, you hate understand that I see myself as young Australians, hate? Fonts. speaks in my voice, just like Juno, That’s probably why they called it ads. Whether I’m surfing social unique and achievement driven You know when you see an ad which grossed over $240 million a ‘project’. See that’s the differ- networking sites on my laptop or to try sell me something I don’t that has printed fonts, all in a worldwide. ence, with these guys, it’s a two handheld device, or catching a bus want. It’s an insult to my intelli- straight line and formatted me- way street; they want to have a to just hang out with some of my gence and completely ignores the ticulously? Yeah, nothing gets me And speaking of movies, you know conversation with me, not just tell friends, or being part of the global fact that I have been immersed in offside faster than that. Well this those films by Michel Gondry that me what to do. conversation on YouTube, I hate new media from an early age, and ad, and get this, had its message I’m drawn to? The ones that are seeing ads all up in my business. so bombarded with commercial spray-painted. Like with a stencil really lo-fi and authentically cre- The only problem I can see for imagery that my threshold for and stuff, and the paint’s just drip- ative? Well this ad was designed them is if I’m being completely I mean, I don’t need some ad- bullshit has been diminished to ping down! Just like Banksy, who totally like that. And God knows sarcastic. But even I don’t know vertising company who doesn’t naught. I love. I’m sick to death of ads that look anymore.

interesting study which I will tell you about now. While I admit that Am I right!? it is surprising to They asked some people to put find myself open- Then here we go! Please wait their hands in a bucket of chilly while I swig from this bottle of water (sounds chilly!) and told ing for R. Kelly, I liquor! one group that they could swear, will still make the and another that they couldn’t. Then they timed how long each most of it - both Boy is that strong. Does anyone group could keep their hands in for me and my in the crowd have any mixer? A the bucket. fans. small bottle of coke would do the trick, and maybe a cup. As it turned out, both groups PAUL SIMON got cold hands and were cranky Can I get a cup, Sydney?! at the scientists. Hello everyone here! That’s fine, because there’s Now you may ask, what is the nothing on this earth, save some rudest of the custard words? Have you prepared yourselves lightning at this outdoor event, Well, it is of course known as for some bouncing!? I ask this the c-bomb. The ‘c’ ofcourse because I, and my band here, that would stop us delivering you standing for ‘curseword’. have been preparing ourselves some music! to impress our friends? Or be for the bouncing and I wanted Damn! Bugger! Ouch! No, Maisy We’re like the Express Post of rude to our parents? Or some- Now if you are reading this out to make sure we were all on the has not stubbed her big toe. loud and there are children pres- music! Delivery guaranteed Today in the Wonderful Wod of times when we get angry at our same page. ent, now would be a good time to within the business day! Wodrs we will be exploring the wives and don’t mean it? use the voice inside your head to Well it’s good to hear that we all thorned issue of swearing. read this. Also, if you are a child The answer to all these ques- agree on that! Now, are the ladies ready to and are reading this, while it is What’s that Maisy? Why would tions is all of them! rock!? Good. And the men also?! exciting for me that you have That’s great, both genders agree we be swearing in this very col- found your way into the Wonder Because if you’re ready, then Swearing is one of the most that the time for our rock music umn? Isn’t this column all about full world of word, now is the we’re ready and we’re going to celebrating great words, for versatile things the body can do. turn our instruments up as high is now. It is obviously an issue we Just think of all the things that time to leave and go play with a example willow? pokemon. as they go! as a group are passionate about, can be expressed by shouting so who am I to stand in the way? Well gentelereaders, The ‘fuckcabinet!’ Alright, now as we all know, the This is quite high, so hopefully Worderful World Of Words is In fact, fuckcabinet can be used C-word is not actually called the the man at the back will turn Which is why I will not! maybe a more complexical place C-word, it is called ‘crap’. No one than you first imagined - swear- as a verb, a noun, and all the it down enough so we don’t other ones too! knows where it originated, but damage the speakers too much - Now, can I get a woop woop? ing is a part of the rich tapestry we can be sure, that, as always in that makes up the rich tapestry there are after all, other support But this doesn’t answer the the Wonderful World of words, That’s fine, I’ll get it myself. of words, and what a rich tapes- some cunt will figure it out soon! acts to follow us who wouldn’t try it is! bigger question of why we swear appreciate damaged speakers! at all. So what is the answer Until next time! So how do we swear? Is it just to that? Scientists did a very

Need to express yourself without talking? You’re reading it right now. Want to preserve your ideas without a cum- It’s history’s iPhone!

bersome dictaphone? Have a paper and As seen in:

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anyway? Thinking about the Call Ivan. Douglas? Well, did you?!

Jenny Simpson from Col- The Easel help! laroy wants to sell her spice rack. Wrong section, Jenny Simply cut along the - but I guess it’s our fault School Holidays puzzle lines, tell your chil- for publishing it here. Edition! dren to solve the ‘mystery Send your submissions to Column∞: [email protected] “But Mum, we’re bored!” image’, and watch the slow horror unfold over a If it’s already one week period of several hours! The Garter would like to into the school break and remind you’re hearing that phrase The benefits don’t stop over and over again, then there, with a guaranteed it sounds like your chil- lack of sleep making for James Colley, Henry dren need some creative a docile and malleable Hawthorne, Ben fun time! child in the lightness of Jenkins, Joe Payten and day. Look out for the rest Joe Smith-Davies But pipe cleaners, paddle- of the series, ‘Cliff Edge’ pop sticks and glue are and ‘Cousin It’ puzzles, in that you are still banned costly and dangerous - so coming weeks. from SeaWorld. The Garter is happy to

As Dolores is on leave this week, can whoever is taking her place please remember to insert the ad, or failing that, an amusing gag referencing fail- ure to insert said ad - Ed.