Desperate Measures by Christi Whitson Summary: When Bella’s hallucinations of Edward became her only source of comfort, she had to find new and creative ways to trigger them. Now, Edward is back and determined to earn her trust… and her submission. Rating: M New Moon AU, Strong Bella, Canon vamps and pairings, BDSM themes, HEA, No Cheating. https://acedfiction.wordpress.com/undercoversquint/desperate-measures/

Chapter 1 Bella

The sound of the thin wooden rod slicing through the air made me tense, bracing myself for the pain I knew was coming. He’d started with a flogger, then a wide belt, working me steadily from a heavy thud to a sharp sting. I enjoyed both in different ways, and the cane he held in his hand now was a mix of both sensations.

My wrists were cuffed to a metal support frame over my head, and I registered the cool numbness in my fingertips with some long-detached part of my brain. The part that took note of any physical sensation other than the pain to which I subjected myself. I gasped as the polished birch made contact with my ass again, leaving stripes of fire across the tender skin there. My breaths came with increasing speed, processing every delicious second of pain as I waited for the next blow.

I could feel his eyes on me, gauging my tolerance and stamina, studying my reactions down to the most minute movements of my body. Malcolm had learned quickly that while I understood the purpose of a safeword, I would never use it. I needed this too much. I craved it the way a normal person craved food, water, oxygen… Every nerve in my body quivered with anticipation as I took another strike, and the edges of my vision began to shimmer.

I was almost there.

It didn’t use to take this long. At one point, I could reach my goal with just a few good lashes of a belt, a few swats of a heavy paddle. These days, it was harder… but worth it. I was so close I could almost taste it now. My pain level surged as the cane whipped against the backs of my thighs, just under my buttocks where the skin was the most sensitive.

And there he was.

Not the muscled, dark-skinned man behind me but the man I’d truly come to see. He looked as perfect as he always did, with his pale gleaming skin, his tousled bronze hair, those warm golden eyes, and that smile. The smile that was so exquisitely beautiful it erased my physical pain completely.

My entire body was enveloped by a blissful numbness, granting me a reprieve even from the ever-present ache in my hollow chest. I couldn’t feel the tears I knew were streaming down my cheeks, and the strikes of the cane couldn’t penetrate the shield of my hallucination. I vaguely registered the pressure of each blow and the sound of the of the thin rod connecting with my inflamed skin. But every strike only made his smile brighter and his voice sweeter as he hummed my lullaby and murmured words of love.

I didn’t dare pull my eyes away from the bronze-haired boy, even when the caning stopped. My fastidious Dominant began to treat the welts with a cool, damp cloth, crooning nonsense into my ear. But he couldn’t reach me. I couldn’t have cared less what he was saying, and by that point, it didn’t matter. He may as well have been invisible or not in the room at all.

He thought I was in subspace, and maybe I was. Maybe this was what subspace felt like for me. But he wasn’t the one who’d brought me there… not really. He was just another instrument, a tool as effective as the cane he’d wielded. He could’ve been anyone, any gender, any race… Right then, in that moment, I wasn’t submitting to him.

I was submitting to Edward. To the memory of him that was still so clear despite the eighteen months, three weeks, and two days that had passed since he’d left me. I could trust him here. Trust that he loved me enough to stay. I was free to let go of my anger as I submitted to the emotional pain, the abandonment, the betrayal. To the lies he told. To the love he’d turned his back on…

All of it hurt, but none of it mattered. Not in that moment. For a few precious minutes, there was nothing but Edward. His voice, his smile, his love…

I was at peace.

Chapter 2 Bella

I winced slightly as I moved down the long hallway that connected the private playrooms to the main part of the club. My jeans were of a softer denim than what I usually wore, but they still chafed slightly against the abrasions on my ass and legs. I was looking forward to the summer months and the promise of weather warm enough for loose skirts and dresses. The thought made me scoff under my breath, and I wondered what Alice would think about the change in my fashion preferences.

The club was busier than usual for a Tuesday night. I preferred weeknights because the chances of having to wait for a private room were slim. On weekends, I was more likely to find myself killing time at the bar, avoiding the assistant manager who creeped me out, and fending off unsolicited propositions from other members. Granted, they usually backed off when they learned I was under Malcolm’s protection and that intercourse was one of my hard limits, but it was still an uncomfortable experience.

“You okay, hon?”

I turned toward the familiar voice and saw Jillian scrutinizing me in concern. She could probably see the gingerness in my gait, and I hoped my weak attempt at a smile would reassure her. Jillian and I had been roommates during my first and only semester as a student at the University of Chicago, and we’d remained friends after I’d dropped out and moved off campus. She worked at the club part-time as a waitress and had been the one to introduce me to BDSM last year.

“I’m fine,” I replied, the words rolling off my tongue as easily as they always did. But she was still frowning.

“Did he push you too far? Why didn’t you safeword? You’re walking like you’ve got broken glass in your shoes.”

In my panties, more like.

“No, it was fine. No safewords necessary. He knows my limits and doesn’t cross the line. I just… needed a little more tonight.”

“Hmm… Okay. Taking a break till next week?”

“Nah, I’ll be back Friday night,” I shrugged. A week between hallucinations was too long. I was like an addict needing a fix, and now he was my personal brand of heroin. Jillian’s expression was slightly disapproving, but she didn’t argue.

“Did Malcolm bring up the whole contract thing again?”

“No. I’m hoping he’ll let that go.”

“Maybe you should consider it,” she suggested cautiously. I gave her an incredulous look. “Well, you said it yourself… He knows your limits and respects them. He can read you well enough to know when to stop without needing a safeword. And I think he genuinely cares about you… He’s a good Dom.”

“Yes, he is. But I’m just not up for that. He wants a full-time slave, and I can’t do that.”

“That’s what negotiation is for.”

I shook my head firmly, and I was relieved when she didn’t push the issue.

As I left the club and walked the familiar route back to my apartment, Jillian’s words echoed in my mind. I understood her logic, but a slave contract just wasn’t something I could really consider. Malcolm would want me to live with him, to have no limits, to be dependent upon him for every single need I had... I wasn’t interested in that, and I’d always been very clear about my boundaries. I knew he was hoping I’d come around eventually, but it just wasn’t going to happen.

Submitting during a scene was one thing, but 24/7 ownership was something else altogether. As much as I enjoyed submission and found power in it, I was still an independent person. I was sure my stubborn streak would present a problem, not to mention my attitude. I could bite my tongue and control my reactions for short periods of time, but I couldn’t imagine trying to censor myself all the time.

If Malcolm weren’t looking for something so strict, I might have considered it. Although it wouldn’t really be fair to him or any other Dom, for that matter. I wasn’t really available to anyone. It was never just the two of us alone in a playroom together, and I wasn’t sure my submission had ever or could ever belong to Malcolm. Not truly. I could never give a Dom the sort of devotion they deserved from a contracted submissive.

I was just too broken.

The trek from the club to my apartment was a little longer than I usually preferred to walk at night, but it was a pleasant April evening, so I decided to save my train fare. The stars were out, the breeze was gentle, and the streets were quiet. There was something about their deserted state that resonated with me, reminding me of another set of empty streets on a chilly night. Well, mostly empty.

I recalled the shuffling of feet on damp pavement, the screech of tires, the purr of an expensive engine, the snarl of an angry vampire… There was an unwelcome twinge in my chest, in that long-abandoned place where my heart used to be, and I pushed the thoughts aside with determination.

My jeans continued to rub against the raw skin of my ass and thighs as I walked, and the residual pain brought on a wave of shame at the way I’d been dealing with Edward’s absence. I knew it wasn’t normal. Not even close. My response had been over the top from the very beginning.

I’d seen the criticism in everyone’s eyes during those first excruciating months after the Cullens had left Forks. They’d all been thinking it. Charlie, Billy, Jake, the wolves, Jess, Mike… Even Angela, who was more compassionate than any other human I knew. They’d all been baffled by the toll Edward’s abandonment had left on me. Most teenage girls deal with heartbreak by moping around for a few weeks and then moving on to the next person. Hell, some of the girls I’d known in high school wouldn’t have waited more than a few days.

But that’s what I got for falling in love with a vampire. Of course, even I hadn’t understood my own reaction for a long time. You don’t grow up with a mother like Renee and not learn how to pull yourself out of your own depression. I knew I was stronger than this. I had more self-respect than this. I shouldn’t be so pathetically weak.

Maybe if it had been a human boy who’d trampled my heart, I could’ve recovered like a normal human girl. I wouldn’t have felt like this. I wouldn’t have been living with this crippling pain that could only be eased by seeking out more pain.

But I hadn’t simply lost a boyfriend. A first love. I’d lost my mate. My only love. For as long as I lived, this would be my fate. My pitiful existence. Because whatever magic it was that bound him to immortality also bound me to him. I couldn’t be whole without him. Maybe if I were a vampire too, I’d have had the strength to exist without the pain, but there was no point in entertaining thoughts like that. I would never be a vampire. That future had been lost long ago.

I knew what Edward had probably thought would happen when he left. He assumed I would move on. I couldn’t even be upset with him for that part because it was a reasonable conclusion, and it wasn’t like he’d been the only one to make it. I should have been able to pick myself up and find someone new. Someone who respected me and could make me happy. Someone who valued my opinions and feelings…

The hard truth was that no matter how much I loved him, Edward hadn’t been that person for me. He’d failed to respect me, to trust my judgment. He’d underestimated my love for him, and he’d valued my humanity more than my happiness. He hadn’t understood that I would rather have spent one happy day with him than live a lifetime without him.

I reached my apartment building and squinted in the fluorescent lighting of the tiny lobby. It was damp and dingy in a way that could make anyone feel like they were taking a walk of shame simply by coming home after dark. I climbed the stairs to the second floor and unlocked the rickety deadbolt to my studio apartment.

I lived alone and didn’t have much in the way of possessions, but that was okay. After Charlie had died, I’d been able to keep only a handful of sentimental objects and the contents of my bedroom. I’d been forced to live on campus when I’d first moved to Chicago, and I hadn’t been able to afford a storage unit for Charlie’s stuff. I’d taken only enough to furnish my half of the dorm room, and the rest had been sold along with the house.

My tiny apartment was the epitome of ‘low budget,’ but I kept it very clean. There was a kitchenette area with a sink, a comically small refrigerator, and a microwave. The living and sleeping spaces were one and the same, and I mostly used my bed as a couch. I’d learned to live without a TV and stereo, but I did have a cell phone and a laptop I rarely used. Aside from the bookshelf and chest of drawers I’d brought from Forks, I had no other furniture, but there wasn’t really room for much more anyway.

If I missed anything about living with Charlie, it was the quiet. Tonight, I’d swallow a few sleeping pills, lock my shoddy deadbolt, and do my best to ignore the sound of my upstairs neighbors having very enthusiastic sex.

My body ached as I slid into bed, and my skin was still tender. But it was nothing compared to what I’d already lived through. Each time the welts made me wince, the memory of Edward’s face became a little clearer. My hallucination had hummed my lullaby tonight, and if I closed my eyes, I could almost hear it in my mind again.

I fell asleep to the phantom tune and hoped my sleeping pills would do their job.

Chapter 3 Edward

“What do you mean you can’t see her?!”

They were the first words I’d spoken aloud in months, and each one reverberated in my chest with a growl. My siblings had apparently grown tired of their phone calls going unanswered and had decided to stage an intervention, invading my self-imposed solitude in the abandoned building I’d been holed up in for over a year. It had been almost as long since I’d fed, but they’d come prepared for that. The exsanguinated body of a panther lay on the concrete floor, but it had done little to satisfy me.

“I mean I can’t see her,” Alice repeated, her golden eyes shimmering with frustration and worry. “Not like I used to. It’s been like that for months.”

“How long?”

Since the day you left, she admitted silently. A new wave of panic twisted my insides. You told me not to look, and I didn’t for a while. But when I did...

“I only get glimpses.”

“And why are you blocking me from seeing them?”

“They’re… not the kind of images you want to see,” she winced. “I don’t really understand them, but I do know that taking them out of context would be a mistake. You need to go to her and figure things out for yourself.”

I cringed with longing. I’d been actively resisting the urge to fly back to Forks with every passing second since the moment I’d left.

“But you’re sure she’s okay?”

“She’s… definitely alive.”

“Did you ever think she might not be?!” I sputtered in alarm.

Yes, she thought, letting me into her mind enough to show me that the darkening of her vision where Bella was concerned had confused and frightened her. It had taken Alice weeks of searching for her before she could see anything at all, and even then, what she’d seen was unclear. Why the hell had she kept it from me for so long?

“How could you not tell me?!” I snarled. Jasper edged closer to his mate and bared his teeth in warning. My emotions were probably no picnic for him, but I couldn’t have cared less at the moment.

“Why didn’t I tell you I thought Bella might be dead? Gee, I wonder. Even if you’d been good enough to answer any of my calls, what would you have done if I’d told you?”

I stared back at her in mutinous silence, and both Emmett and Jasper hissed in disapproval. We all knew the answer to that question.

“You need to go to her,” Alice reiterated. “In person. Nothing will be resolved until you do.”

As much as I wanted to argue with her, I still trusted her judgment enough follow her advice. And who was I kidding? I would’ve caved to my need to be near Bella sooner or later. Alice was just giving me a justifiable excuse.

“What else can you see? Did she leave Forks to go to college?”

“Yes. I think she’s in Chicago.”

“Not Washington or Florida?” I frowned, surprised. What had led Bella to Chicago of all places? Did she remember that little detail from the personal history I’d given her?

Make the decision to Google her, and maybe I’ll be able to see an address.

“I thought you couldn’t see her.”

I can’t, but I can see you, she retorted silently. I sighed and did as she suggested, watching the results of the search flash through her mind. Bella had been listed as a student at the University of Chicago, and there was a more recent address listing as well. But that wasn’t the only place Bella’s name would come up online, and Alice gasped as the text of a news story came into focus.

Charlie’s dead?!

“What the hell happened?” Emmett demanded. “I so haven’t missed the whole silent conversation thing, Eddie.”

“Charlie’s dead,” I answered flatly, too stunned to react to the stupid nickname.

“The news story doesn’t give much information, and I wasn’t looking for Charlie, so…” Alice trailed off, devastation coloring her pixie-like features. I finished her sentence in a voice as hollow as my chest.

“Bella is alone.”

“It seems that way.” In a blink, I was headed for the door, but Alice’s voice stopped me. “You can’t go anywhere looking like that. People will think you escaped a psych ward. You need to hunt and then find a place to shower.”

I started to argue, but she showed me a vision of two airline security agents trying to escort me to a holding room. Even with Jasper’s help, I wouldn’t have enough control in my current state of mind to keep up the human facade, and both men would be severely injured in the process.

I relented with a growl of frustration and allowed my brothers and sister to help me reach the national park just outside of town without killing anyone. I didn’t have the patience for as much hunting as I probably needed, draining only two jaguars before insisting we find a place to clean up.

For the first time in eighteen months, three weeks, four days, and thirteen hours, I took note of my own appearance and considered how I’d spent that time. It was almost as though I’d been in a state of suspended animation, at least physically. Not eating, not moving, not breathing, not blinking… It reminded me of the way the Romanian brothers, Vladimir and Stefan, had sat so perfectly still for so long that their bodies had begun to petrify. I hadn’t reached that level of decay yet. Not on the outside. Inside, however, was another matter.

I’d never hated anything or anyone more than I hated myself since the second I walked away from Bella in the woods that day. My prior self- loathing, all of the shame and guilt I felt over what I was and the things I’d done… All of that was nothing compared to how I’d felt since leaving her. I’d simply shut down, mind and body. As much as a vampire could, anyway. I still felt that aching hollowness inside, as though a piece of me were missing, but knowing I would see Bella soon had awakened me.

I chanced a quick glance at Jasper as we moved through the airport terminal in Rio, and I knew the presence of so many humans wasn’t the only thing causing him pain. He was enduring everything I felt and knew exactly how difficult it was to stand upright beneath the weight of it. He sent a wave of peace in my direction, and although it did little to soothe me, I appreciated the effort.

“Thank you,” I said quietly.

It’s as much for me as it is for you.

My siblings had flown to Brazil in a chartered plane, ensuring it would be available for the return trip, and I was relieved we would be able to speak a little more openly. As soon as we were in the air, we focused on getting more information on Bella. Jasper and Alice were trying to work around the blank spots in her vision and puzzling over what they might mean. She tested her visions of others to look for a pattern, and so far, she found she was able to see everyone we’d known in Forks, with the exception of the Quileutes.

“Have you ever tried to see them before?” I asked, watching the images in her mind.

“Not really. I can see some of them. The elder who was friends with Charlie…”

“Billy.”

“Yes. But his son was a friend of Bella’s, and I can’t see him at all.”

“Could he be with her?” Emmett suggested, glancing up from the screen of the small laptop we’d been using to search through police records. “If you can’t see either of them, maybe it’s because they’re together.”

A fresh wave of pain overtook me as I considered that Bella might have moved on with Jacob Black. He’d certainly been interested in her on the few occasions I’d heard his mind, and it wasn’t a stretch to imagine him as an ideal rebound. But could it be more than that? Jasper winced.

“Sorry,” I groaned, but he just shook his head and tried again to use his ability to offer me as much help as he could.

“It does seem significant,” Alice agreed. “I’ll call and talk to Carlisle about it as soon as we land.”

“Where are they?” I asked, feeling slightly ashamed that it had taken me this long to inquire after the wellbeing of my parents and missing sister.

They’re in Maine, Alice responded. The three of them showed me how they’d spent the past year and a half in a flurry of images. After the family had left Forks, they’d split up for a little while, each mated pair going off on their own. Carlisle and Esme had spent some time in Denali while Jasper and Alice had traveled south to research her human past and visit with some old friends of Jasper’s. They’d all reconvened in Maine a few months later, but Emmett and Rosalie had taken a long tour of Europe and had only recently returned to the States. As usual, I was the odd man out.

“I’m a little surprised Rose didn’t come with you. Seems like a golden opportunity to gloat,” I commented. We all knew she didn’t like to miss those opportunities.

“She thinks you’re being a petulant jackass,” Emmett replied with his trademark easy smile. “I’m sure you’ll get an earful when she sees you.”

I sighed and turned my attention back to the computer screen. We’d been able to dig up a press release from the Forks PD regarding Charlie’s death, but the information was scant. The incident had been described as a breaking and entering gone awry, and the police had assured the public that there had been nothing suspicious about the situation other than the fact that Charlie had been a cop. The case was still open, however, so details were sketchy unless we hacked into the police database. While I wasn’t at all opposed to that, it certainly wasn’t something we could do over wifi on a plane.

Alice hissed as a vision was triggered by my decision to investigate further once we landed, and I snarled as I watched it unfold. I recognized Bella’s house in the photographs of a gruesome crime scene, and the report stated that Bella had been the one to find her father’s body.

My eyes burned with venom as Alice relayed the information to Jasper and Emmett, and both their thoughts were sympathetic. Emmett had never stopped thinking of Bella as a sister, and to my surprise, even Jasper was feeling a surge of brotherly concern for her.

I was full of questions as Alice and I mentally scrutinized every detail of the crime scene report in her vision. Bella had been eighteen at the time of Charlie’s death, which had occurred only two months after we’d left. Had she gone to Florida, at least temporarily? Had someone else taken her in so she could finish out her senior year in Forks?

Once again, I puzzled over how she’d ended up in Chicago, daring to hope that my connection to the city had drawn her there. Perhaps it was a sign that she still thought of me. Still loved me. Maybe I could still earn her forgiveness, though God knew, I sure as hell didn’t deserve it.

Emmett had turned his efforts to searching for Bella instead, pulling up the address Alice had foreseen on a satellite map. The building was old, and I wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that it had been there even during my time in Chicago. It was in a horrible part of town, and I despised the thought of her living in a place like that all alone. Just imagining the terrifying things that could happen to her sent me into a renewed state of panic, and Jasper pushed more waves of calm toward me.

I can’t find her anywhere on social media, Emmett thought, still clicking through search results. She made the Dean’s list last spring, and that was posted online. But nothing since then.

“Last spring? She would’ve still been in high school last spring.”

He shook his head and pointed to the screen where, sure enough, the name Isabella Swan was listed as a freshman at the University of Chicago. She’d graduated early, then. Moving to Chicago by January of last year, just four months after I’d left her. I didn’t know what to make of the fact that she wasn’t listed again for the terms following that first semester. Had her grades merely fallen or had she dropped out of school entirely? Neither possibility seemed to fit the smart, dedicated girl I’d known.

We landed briefly to refuel in Florida and were back in the air in record time, flying straight from there to Chicago. We rented a car, and Alice insisted we book a suite at a hotel downtown, but I didn’t have the patience to wait that long. She turned to glare at me the moment she saw my decision.

“Your future just went blurry. What are you doing?”

“I think I should approach her alone. I don’t want to overwhelm her.”

“You’re not the only one who’s worried about Bella!” she snapped. Jasper placed a hand over hers to soothe her.

“It’s the respectful thing to do, Alice. We’re the ones who left, and it probably hurt her. She should be the one to decide whether or not she’s willing to let us back into her life.” I could hear the silent agreement in my brothers’ thoughts, and although she crossed her arms in disappointment, I could tell Alice saw my point as well.

“Fine.” You’d better fix this fast, Edward. I miss my best friend.

My response died in my throat as a vision overtook her too quickly for her to hide it from me. Within seconds, it sent me over the edge, and Emmett barely managed to stop me from bolting out of the moving car. Jasper sent waves of lethargy in my direction, but it had little effect.

Bella.

She was in an odd place, and I couldn’t make out the surroundings in any detail. Everything was blurred, which in itself was concerning. Alice focused on Bella instead, and I gasped in horror at the outlines of her naked body. Though I’d never seen Bella unclothed in reality, I could tell our time apart had taken a physical toll on her.

She was far too thin, her cheekbones and collar bones protruding enough to create shadows beneath them, and even with the blurred quality of the vision, I could count each rib beneath her pale skin. Her eyes were so heavy that she looked drugged, and she was positioned awkwardly, almost as though she were restrained somehow. There was an unseen presence in the room with her, but from the tone of Alice’s thoughts, I could tell she didn’t think Bella was in danger. If anything, she seemed… happy. At peace.

The vision faded gradually, and my self-control faltered as I growled at my sister.

“A stranger has her naked and possibly drugged, and you don’t think she’s in danger?!”

Jasper and Emmett’s thoughts went haywire with shock at the mental image my words had produced, and Alice looked apologetic.

“I can’t explain it… It’s just an impression. Most of the time, I can’t see Bella at all anymore, and when I do…”

“She looks like that?!”

Usually. I don’t understand it either. That’s why you have to go to her.

“That vision will happen tonight,” she said out loud.

“Where?”

“I can’t tell. Make a decision about where to search. You’re already blurry, though, so I’m not sure…”

Before she’d finished speaking, I decided to start my search at Bella’s apartment building, running through the names of the streets in an outward progression until Alice stopped me.

There! That’s it. I can’t nail down an exact time, but it’s already getting dark. She might already be there.

Chapter 4 Bella

“Hey,” I greeted Jillian with a wave as I sat down at one of the club’s smaller tables. She approached with a glass of water and placed it in front of me. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Malcolm’s already here,” she said, tilting her head toward the hallway that lead to the private playrooms.

“I know. He said to wait for him to come get me.”

Jillian nodded and skirted around my table to take another patron’s drink order. I stretched my neck slightly, feeling the day’s fatigue settle in now that I was sitting down. I’d had a long day at work and had been looking forward to tonight’s activities, especially since having the weekend off meant Malcolm could get a little more creative than usual.

Since it was Friday, the club was predictably more crowded, and I unintentionally caught the eye of the assistant manager, Lynch. I fidgeted with my water glass a little, wishing Malcolm would hurry up. To my increasing dismay, a man I’d never seen before sidled up to my table with a cocky smile.

“You looking for a playmate tonight, kitten?”

“No, thank you. I’m spoken for.”

“No collar,” he noted.

“That doesn’t mean I’m available, Sir,” I replied briskly. If anything, his grin only widened.

“See, I like the way you call me that. I know we’d…”

But his words became little more than a buzz in my ears as I rolled my eyes in annoyance and caught sight of a familiar head of bronze hair. My blood went cold with shock, and I felt my breaths coming faster. He was standing near the farthest wall, and no one even glanced at him in passing. Not that they would anyway, since he wasn’t truly there. I stared at him with wide eyes, unable to recall the last time I’d had a hallucination that hadn’t been brought on by pain, danger, adrenaline, or some combination of the three.

I glanced away and back to him several times, but the hallucination didn’t move or speak. As I gawked at him, I noticed that this imaginary Edward looked different. He wasn’t smiling, and his eyes were black with thirst… Or something else. Pain? Longing? He didn’t carry that aura of perfection that brought me so much peace. This Edward looked miserable. If I didn’t know any better…

That’s impossible. God, have I finally lost my mind completely?

I shuddered and rose abruptly from my seat, startling the pushy Dom and nearly knocking over my glass of water. I was too spooked to do more than wave him off and move toward the door, crossing paths briefly with Jillian on my way.

“I need to leave. Emergency. Can you tell Malcolm?”

“Uh… Yeah, sure. Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

My eyes darted reflexively to where my hallucination had been standing, but he was gone.

“I’m fine. I’ll text you later, okay?”

I was out the door before I could catch her response, moving up the stairs to the street level as quickly as possible. If not for the strange, lingering presence I could still feel, I might have considered staying, but I knew I wasn’t in the right headspace for a scene. Trying to force it never ended well. I texted a quick apology to Malcolm as I walked back to my building at a quick pace.

My scalp tingled with anxiety, and I glanced over my shoulder every few minutes, wishing I’d taken the train instead. As I drew further away from the club, I began to question my sanity a little more with each step. I knew it had simply been another hallucination, but what had triggered it? True, I’d been a little irritated by the Dom who had approached me, but I’d never been in any danger. For the most part, the club’s patrons knew that breaking the rules of engagement would earn them a one-way ticket out the door. And since clubs like that weren’t all that common to begin with, those of us who were serious about the lifestyle knew how to behave.

My pulse hadn’t slowed yet, and it was taking all of my self-control not to run the short distance to my front door. Stupid idea, Bella. You’d just fall down. I wasn’t as clumsy as I used to be, but trying to run was just tempting fate.

When I rounded the last corner onto my block, I immediately noticed a shadowed figure standing at the entrance to my apartment building, and I knew instinctively whose face I would see when I got closer.

But why?

My steps faltered, but my heart galloped ahead at a feverish pace, making me a little lightheaded. I scanned my surroundings, trying to spot the danger that had triggered the hallucination. It was still a little early, so there were a few people milling about, but none of them seemed concerned with my presence.

Cautiously, I drew nearer, near enough to speak to him. To smell him. That was new…

“I’m not in danger.” The words came out in a whisper, and he looked momentarily surprised. But his expression quickly twisted into a mixture of remorse and disapproval.

“I disagree.”

My heart stuttered at the sound of his voice. It was so different. Any time I heard his voice in my mind, it always had a distant, otherworldly quality. As though it were echoing across a wide chasm or reaching me through a veil of some sort. It was just as beautiful now, but definitely different. Clearer. Like he was really standing right in front of me.

Maybe this wasn’t a hallucination at all. Was I dreaming? I struggled to remember the last thing I knew to be real…

“Why are you here?”

“Invite me inside,” he replied, his dark eyes pleading.

Since when did he need to ask? Even if he were real, he’d just come in. Since he was in my head, he’d be coming inside whether I invited him or not.

I felt exposed on the stoop anyway, and I knew I probably looked insane just standing there alone. Talking to thin air, like a crazy person. So, I stared at him for another moment before giving a faint nod and leading the way upstairs to my apartment. The floorboards creaked beneath my feet, but his made no sound as we stepped inside.

Because he wasn’t really there. Obviously. I was growing increasingly more anxious, if that were possible, and once my door was closed, I turned to face him head on. My face felt frozen in a mask of confusion.

“Why are you here?” I asked again. Again, his features twisted with pain.

“Because I couldn’t stand to be away from you any longer.”

That only confused me more.

“No, I mean… Why can I see you now? I’m not in a scene. I’m not in danger. My adrenaline levels should be pretty normal… Where was the trigger?”

“What are you talking about? What trigger?” he demanded, looking baffled as he took a step closer. I backed away slightly and watched him wince at my movement.

“That’s what I’m asking. What’s making me hallucinate right now? Because I can’t remember anything happening to trigger it. Am I dreaming instead? Or… Oh, fuck…” I covered my mouth in horror as another possibility came to me. “Did something happen and I… died? Oh, God…”

As my panic level crested, I began to pace the creaky floorboards, muttering to myself.

“Probably should’ve anticipated this. It was inevitable, really. I must’ve spent so much energy chasing the visions that now I’ve lost control of them…”

“Bella, I’m not a hallucination,” he interrupted, sounding stunned. I spared him only a quick glance and didn’t stop pacing.

“Of course you are. The real you has been gone for over a year. He lied to my face and vanished, but not before promising he’d never come back, so…”

Suddenly, Edward was in front of me, framing my face with his hands and tilting my head up to look into his eyes. I shuddered at the familiar chill of his touch as my thoughts spiraled. Oh, fuck. My hallucinations have never been tactile. Wasn’t there an episode of Grey’s Anatomy like this? Shit… I’m either dead or I have a brain tumor.

“I’m really here, Bella. And I’m not leaving ever again.”

And then he pressed his cool lips to mine.

Chapter 5 Edward

Bella was completely motionless. If it weren’t for the blood I could feel and smell pulsating beneath her skin, I’d have sworn she was as frozen as I was. I pulled back from the kiss to see her staring back at me with an incredulous look on her face, and it shattered my heart a little more.

Was it too late for us? Had I ruined both our lives with my lies and foolishness?

“I wish I could hear your thoughts, just once,” I admitted out loud, reluctantly dropping my hands from her face. She was trembling, probably in fear, and I took a step backward. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re really here?”

Disbelief saturated her tone, and she reached out to touch me experimentally. I took her hand in mine and held it to my chest, this time ignoring her slight shiver. The things she’d said confused me. If I’d understood her correctly, she’d hallucinated me during our time apart. More than once. And those hallucinations had been triggered by… danger? Adrenaline?

I’d heard enough at the club to know what kind of place it was and what had brought her there, but I couldn’t fathom how Bella had fallen into something like that. I needed answers.

“You’ve been seeing me?”

“And hearing,” she nodded, still a little dazed. “But not touching, so I’m either dreaming or dead. Or I have a brain tumor. Or…”

“You’re none of those things. I’m real. I don’t know how else to prove it to you,” I replied sadly. Her expression shifted slightly, revealing a hint of anger she’d kept hidden until that moment. She was still holding back, but I could see reality beginning to settle in.

“Tell me why.”

“Why I left?”

“I already know why you left. The lie and the truth,” Bella replied, growing visibly more irate by the second. I gulped nervously. “Tell my why you’re here now.”

The tremor I could hear in her voice made my dead heart ache, and I assessed her at vampire speed for the seventeenth time since I’d found her in that… place. She was as beautiful as ever, but she looked weary in every sense of the word. Body, mind, soul… She was too thin, her hair had lost much of its healthy shine, and she was even paler than before. She was wearing makeup, but my vampire eyes could see the shadows and sallowness beneath it. If it weren’t for her scent and heartbeat, I’d swear she was as dead as I was.

I took an unnecessary breath and answered her question.

“I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving. That you would be better off if I weren’t a part of your life. I thought you’d move on, find someone who could make you happy without constantly putting your life in danger… I thought you’d be safer.” She looked even angrier at that, and I continued quickly. “I’m here because I couldn’t stand to be separated from you even one more day. One more hour. I’m here to beg your forgiveness. I thought I was doing the right thing, but… Something that feels this terrible can’t be right.”

Bella’s pulse had accelerated again, and her brown eyes snapped dangerously.

“Safer? You thought leaving me alone would make me safer…”

To my surprise, she started to laugh. But it wasn’t the same laughter I’d been replaying in my mind during my self-imposed exile. It didn’t reach her eyes, and her smile was brittle.

“Two months after your family abandoned me, Charlie was killed by a vampire.”

I hissed in shock.

“The police report said--”

“You knew?! You knew he was gone?”

“No!” I said quickly. “Not until yesterday. We tried to get more information, but the reports just described it as a breaking and entering turned homicide.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not like I could tell the cops he’d been attacked by a vampire, is it?”

My chest ached with sympathy for her again. I wanted so badly to hold her, but I could tell by her stance that she wouldn’t have allowed it.

“I’m so sorry, love. I don’t blame you for holding me responsible for his death. I should’ve been there to protect you both.”

Bella actually rolled her eyes.

“A lot of things are your fault, but Charlie’s death isn’t one of them.” Her tone fell flat, and I saw the anger begin to drain a little from her tense frame. I didn’t know what to say to that, so I pressed on.

“How did it happen? Do you know…?”

“Who it was? Yes. But you answer a question for me first,” she said, inching closer with speculation in her eyes. I nodded mutely. “You said ‘we’ a minute ago, when you were talking about trying to find information about Charlie. Who’s ‘we?’”

“Emmett, Jasper, and Alice.” Her lips tightened.

“Are they all here?”

“Everyone wants to see you, but I told them to wait. I wanted to give you the chance to say no if you’d prefer they stay away.”

“That’s awfully big of you,” she huffed. “I would rather have had the chance to ask them not to leave in the first place.” I winced and hung my head in shame. Her anger with me was no more than I deserved.

“I’m so sorry. That was my fault. I thought a clean break would be healthier and--”

“Yes, you’re very good at deciding what’s best for everyone else,” she cut me off sarcastically. I gazed back at her, solemn and rightfully chastised.

“I won’t do it again.”

Bella’s expression made it pretty clear she didn’t believe me. I still had so many questions for her, but there was one I simply couldn’t wait another second to ask. I needed to know why she’d been in that club tonight. I wanted her to tell me that the thoughts I’d heard from one of the patrons had been fantasies rather than memories. But before I could ask, her cell phone buzzed with an incoming call. She frowned down at the screen, clearly deliberating.

“It’s… a friend,” she hedged. “If I don’t answer, he’ll just show up here, and that’s probably a really bad idea.”

I said nothing but gave her a nod, grateful for the enhanced senses that allowed me to hear the conversation with perfect clarity. The voice on the other end matched the inner voice of the mind I’d overheard at the club. He thought of Bella… my Bella... as his submissive. I tried to school my features into a mask of neutrality.

“You disappeared earlier without speaking to me directly,” he said with a note of admonishment in his tone. “What was the emergency? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Did someone mess with you? Because like I keep saying, a collar would prevent most of that--”

“No, it was nothing like that. I ran into someone from… back home.” Her gaze flickered to me and away again.

“And they upset you?”

Bella hesitated.

“Kind of. But they just wanted to talk. I’m okay. Really.”

“If you’re sure… I still wish you would’ve had someone come get me, for safety’s sake if nothing else. We’ll see to your punishment on Wednesday. You’re still free to meet then?”

She cringed, and her eyes darted back to my face. I could feel the anger and jealousy churning within me, and I struggled to keep it contained as she answered his question.

“Um… I’ll have to get back to you. I’m sorry, but I really need to go.”

The man didn’t argue with her over ending the call, but he didn’t sound too happy when he said goodbye. Bella powered her phone off and turned back to face me with an unreadable expression. I took a deep, steadying breath before I finally asked the question that had been burning a hole in my mind.

“Why were you in that place tonight?”

Chapter 6 Bella

I chewed my lip nervously, reading the tension and disapproval in his features without difficulty. This was not a conversation I was ready to have, but I couldn’t blame him for asking. I was still recovering from the shock of his arrival, half expecting him to vanish at any moment. My anger had dissipated for the moment, leaving only anxiety and embarrassment in its place.

“That’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time. We’ve got time,” he amended, his expression sincere.

Did we? How long would he hang around before deciding to leave me for my own good again? I didn’t believe for a second that he’d simply gotten tired of staying away from me or whatever it was he’d said. Something had happened to make him choose this moment to come back. He’d mentioned Alice, but if she’d seen me at all, she would’ve seen everything that had happened in Forks too. So, why now?

I sighed wearily and glanced at the clock, amazed to find it was only ten. It felt like I’d been awake for days.

“If I’m going to explain it right, I need you to hold your questions for the end. And if you… If you still love me, you’re probably not going to like what you hear.”

Edward brought his hands back to my cheeks again, his black eyes glittering and full of emotion.

“I’ve never stopped loving you, Bella. I wish I could take back every despicable thing I said to you that day, because it was the worst kind of blasphemy. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. All I’ll ever want for the rest of my existence.”

My own eyes welled with tears at the memory of that day and the lies he’d told. I wanted so badly to believe him now, but hope was a frightening thing.

“Give me a chance to prove it to you,” he begged. “A chance to make things right.”

“Kiss me,” I whispered, terrified it would be our last.

His cool lips found mine again, and it was so impossibly… perfect. Despite the angst and unresolved issues between us, the touch of his lips on mine was everything I’d needed since the day he’d left me in the forest. Like oxygen. I needed it to survive, and the way I’d barely existed in his absence was proof of that.

But was that period of misery truly over? Or was this merely the last desperate gasp that made drowning take so much longer? Could I survive at all if he left again?

When he lifted his head, his eyes were somehow even darker, and I felt a pang of remorse. He had to be in pain, especially since it had been so long since he’d been subjected to my scent.

“You should hunt.”

“I hunted yesterday. That’s not why my eyes are black, love.”

I blinked in confusion. I’d seen them darken when he was angry, but I’d thought bloodlust was the only other thing that could cause them to change that way.

“Well, if you’re already angry, maybe this isn’t a good time--”

“It’s not anger. It’s… need. Arousal,” he clarified, letting his eyes drift downward over my body.

I followed his gaze, suddenly very aware of how revealing my outfit was, and I felt a surge of warmth I hadn’t experienced in over a year. No matter who had dominated me, no one had ever been able to affect me the way Edward could with a simple glance.

“I can change clothes, if that would make it easier,” I offered awkwardly.

“No, just… Let’s just get it all out in the open. I heard enough to understand what kind of club it was. And I heard… that man… thinking about you.” I could hear the growl building in his chest, and my anxiety grew.

Would he be hurt by what I had to tell him? Would he consider it a betrayal? I could see both sides of that argument. What if he didn’t like what he heard and decided to leave? Edward reached out to touch the lip I hadn’t realized I was biting and tried to reassure me.

“There’s nothing you can tell me that will make me love you any less, Bella. I’ve been listening to people’s thoughts for almost a century. I’ve heard it all when it comes to… things of a sexual nature.”

“It’s not sexual. Not for me,” I told him honestly. He looked relieved but confused. “To really explain it, I need to start at the beginning…”

I gestured to the bed, and we sat side-by-side, not touching. I kicked off my shoes and drew my legs up under me, grateful to be off my feet. He gazed at me with a wealth of unreadable emotions flickering across his face but waited patiently for me to continue. Taking a deep breath, I considered my words carefully before I went on.

“I was in pretty bad shape after you left. Or rather, I’ve been in pretty bad shape since you left. I was basically catatonic for the first week or two. I don’t know exactly how long it was because I stopped noticing the days passing. Charlie threatened to ship me off to Florida if I didn’t snap out of it, so… I tried. I don’t remember a whole lot about the next month or so after that either. And I really hate that because it was time I lost with my dad.”

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered brokenly, but I held a finger to his lips, just barely touching him.

“I know. But while I’m glad you regret it and are man enough to apologize, it doesn’t change the past. Just… Let me get this out.”

Edward didn’t reply, but he nodded solemnly and scooted back against the wall, opening his arms toward me in invitation. I moved without really even thinking about it, settling against his stone chest. We both breathed a deep sigh of relief, and I felt the edges of the chasm in my chest begin to close in healing.

“So, um… Not long before Charlie was killed, I had a close call and could have been hurt pretty badly. I’m not getting into the details of what happened. That makes for a much longer story, and I don’t think I have the energy to tell it right now.” He sighed but nodded in acceptance, no doubt wishing he could hear my thoughts again. “Anyway, the… incident… was when the hallucinations started. For those few seconds, I knew I was in danger, and my adrenaline was up. And I saw you.”

Edward was frozen in shock again, but I plowed on, unable to look him in the eye as I explained just how far past crazy I’d gone while he was away.

“You were telling me how to diffuse the situation. Keeping me calm. It was like you were trying to protect me, the way you always did. But you disappeared as soon as the danger had passed. I’d barely been able to think your name without enduring physical pain, so actually seeing your face and hearing your voice… It should’ve been unbearable, but it wasn’t. It hurt, but not as much. Or maybe the hurt was just different.

“It took me a few days to work out what had happened. I did different things trying to trigger another hallucination, and eventually, I figured out that it was some combination of danger and adrenaline and fear. So, I went looking for that.”

He hissed in disapproval, but I didn’t stop. If I didn’t get through it all now, I might never be able to.

“That was around the time I realized you’d lied to me about why you left. That you did love me. Subconsciously, I must’ve known all along. But at any rate, the whole danger thing didn’t work for very long. Maybe a few weeks. And after… After Charlie died, I was so overwhelmed by everything that I didn’t feel sane anymore. It was only a couple of months after you guys had left. My dad was gone, and Renee couldn’t even be bothered to come to the funeral… I was alone in that house, and even after all the… blood… had been cleaned up, I could still see it. Smell it. I was just in so much pain, and… At the time, the only way I felt like I could find any relief was through a different kind of pain.”

Edward growled like the lion he’d once compared himself to. His body was shaking so violently that mine was starting to ache, but I didn’t try to pull away from him. I waited until the ferocious sound coming from his chest had quieted a little before I continued.

“I hurt myself,” I admitted, ashamed and embarrassed by my own behavior. “And even though it was always pretty mild, it made the hallucinations come back. So, I kept doing it. The pain brought you back to me. Even if only for a little while. It felt like the first real sense of clarity I’d had since before you left.

“Since I was eighteen, no one from social services came to take me away or anything like that. I took the tests I needed for early graduation, sold the house and just about everything in it… and I left. I haven’t been back since.

“I moved here and started going to school at U of C. They make freshmen live on campus, which is how I met Jillian. She noticed what I was doing and begged me to either stop or take better precautions. She told me about the club where she worked as a waitress, so… I did some research and got into masochism and submission.

“I’m not sure the term masochist really fits me, because as I said, it’s not sexual for me. Not at all. I was there to trigger the hallucinations, not to have sex. The submission part is harder to explain, but that’s not really sexual either.”

I sucked in a deep breath and chanced a glance at Edward’s face. He’d gone completely motionless. His eyes were squeezed shut, and his expression was one of torment. I could easily guess what he was feeling, but there was nothing I could say to ease the burden of it. I felt ashamed to say all of it out loud. Shame for being so weak that I’d gone to such lengths just to see his face or hear his voice.

But there was something else there too. A sense of liberation not unlike what I often felt during a scene. My craving for the sight of his face and the sound of his voice might have been a weakness, but the act of submission had also made me strong. Would he be able to understand that?

After a seemingly endless moment of silence, Edward finally opened his eyes. They were the blackest I’d ever seen them, and this time, I was certain anger was the cause. When he finally managed to speak, his words were faltering, and his voice was thick with pain.

Chapter 7 Edward

“You’ve been… putting yourself at risk… hurting yourself or letting others hurt you… so you could…”

I couldn’t even finish the sentence. I shifted her away from me as carefully as possible and got up to pace the room, taking extraordinary care not to destroy any of her few possessions as I moved back and forth at vampire speed. I was so full of anger and horror and sorrow that my whole body was buzzing with energy. I wanted to break something. To hurt someone. Preferably the men who’d caused her pain. The thought of it enraged me, despite the knowledge that everything had been consensual. A smaller voice in my head chastised me for being a hypocrite. If I wanted to hurt the people who’d caused Bella pain, I’d have to start with myself.

“Say something,” she whispered, her voice managing to reach me through the red haze of my anger.

But I didn’t trust myself to speak just yet. I didn’t want to say anything that would hurt her feelings, but… fuck. Aside from the crippling remorse, there was something else festering in my gut too.

Jealousy.

The mere idea of another man seeing her naked ignited every possessive instinct I had. And vampires had a lot of possessive instincts. To know my mate was so vulnerable and that someone had hurt her in that state was nearly enough to send me into a blind, homicidal rage.

Even if I hadn’t known the sorts of things that went on in that club before I’d walked through the doors, I’d been close enough to pick up on the thoughts of the man she’d been planning to see tonight. The man who had just called her and threatened her with a punishment the next time they saw one another.

He’d been preparing for a scene with her tonight, and the only thing that had spared his life was the careful way he’d been planning everything. He’d been constructing a scene around the rules Bella herself had set. He’d been concerned for her state of mind and for her body, since their last scene had been less than a week ago. A few flashes of that night had gone through the man’s mind, and now they would be forever burned in mine as well.

“Edward, please say something.” I turned to find her eyes full of tears and her beautiful face pinched with worry.

“I’m sorry, I just… I hate that you hurt yourself, but the thought of someone else hurting you makes me want to kill anyone who so much as looks at you the wrong way. You have no idea how hard it was for me to follow you out of that club tonight without going back to kill the man you were--” I bit back the rest of the sentence as I glanced around for something to destroy. After another deep breath, I tried again. “I just don’t understand how you could… You promised--”

To my shock, Bella was back on her feet and red-faced with renewed anger as she interrupted me.

“You wanted me to be human! You don’t get to judge me for how I choose to do that or how I get from one day to the next without you. You’re the one who left! How did you think it was going to be?! Did you think I’d just get over you because my weak human brain isn’t capable of love?!”

“Of course not! I thought…” My hands went to my hair, clutching it in exasperation. “I thought you’d get over me eventually and move on. Find someone better for you. Someone worthy of you.” Bella shook her head in disgust.

“And what the hell gave you the right to make decisions like that for me? If you ever had even the tiniest bit of respect for me or my feelings, you would’ve known better.”

“I was just--”

“Hurting me for my own good?” she retorted. I could think of nothing appropriate to say to that, because I knew she was absolutely right. She sank back onto the bed, and her voice was flat when she added, “You don’t have to do that anymore. I figured out how to do it myself.”

I sighed in defeat and returned to the bed, kneeling on the floor in front of her. I wanted to touch her, but I wasn’t sure she’d tolerate it. Not that I could blame her.

“You misunderstood me,” I said softly. “I don’t judge you or think any less of you for… how you’ve been coping. I’m the last person who should criticize anyone for masochism.”

“Because you’re a sick, masochistic lion?” The ghost of a smile on her face gave me hope, and the feeling of my own lips curving upward in return was strangely foreign to me after so many months of misery.

“Well, that, and… I’ve been a mess since the second I walked away from you. Two days ago, my family managed to track me down, tried to talk some sense into me… forced me to feed for the first time in a year and a half…”

Bella’s eyes widened with concern, but she didn’t interrupt.

“I think I get the purpose of this… lifestyle you’ve found. Objectively, at least. As I said, I’ve heard everything when it comes to sex, and I’ve majored in psychology more than once. I know how BDSM is meant to work. I understand the psychology of sadomasochism. And…” my next words were literally painful to say aloud, “I know the man you were meeting didn’t intend you any true harm.”

“You heard him?”

“I heard enough to hope I never have to hear more. But if you’d gone through with it tonight and said ‘stop’ at any point, he would have. That doesn’t mean I approve of the way he was thinking about you. He wants you. The way you’ve been putting him off bothers him. He was controlling himself, but… What if his control were to slip, Bella? What if he got tired of waiting for you to come around and decided to just take what he wants from you? What if you were unable to fight back when that happened? You can’t keep doing this.”

Not that it matters at this point, I added mentally. I’m not leaving, so she won’t need to go chasing hallucinations anymore.

“Fine,” she replied quietly, her tone still carrying a hint of irritation.

“You won’t go back there?”

“I’ll have to ask him to release me. To tell him our dynamic has ended. I won’t scene with him anymore, but I should tell him in person.”

“I’m going with you,” I said firmly. Her brow contracted in alarm.

“That’s really not a good idea. I can’t imagine much that would be more uncomfortable for you.”

“I don’t care. I’m going with you, and that’s that.” Bella was gazing at me with a slightly perturbed expression on her face, but to my relief, she didn’t continue to argue the point. “You won’t need to go looking for things to trigger hallucinations anymore. Ever, if I have my way.” I paused again, running a hand through my already disheveled hair. “Have there been others? Besides the man from tonight?”

“I’ve submitted to a couple of others. One time each, before Malcolm and I made any official… arrangements,” she admitted with a nervous little shrug. My vision went red again.

“But you didn’t…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

“No, I never slept with any of them. Intercourse is a hard limit for me.” My confusion must have shown on my face, because she started to explain what hard and soft limits were, but I held up a hand to stop her.

“I know what it is. And I know you said it was never sexual for you, but… Sex is a pretty central part of that lifestyle, and I can imagine most men wouldn’t want to abstain. What held you back from it?”

“There were a few reasons,” she sighed. “Mostly, I just… never felt that way toward anyone. The scenes truly weren’t sexual for me, but I did recognize that they had that potential for others. I did some things, but there was no true intimacy in it for me. Not with them.”

And now I was even more confused. Some things? What things? Had someone touched her? Kissed her? Had she been compelled to kiss or touch someone else? I cursed inwardly and wanted to rip my hair out again, but I managed to rein it in as she went on.

“Whatever connection I felt during a scene was shared with the version of you my brain recreated. Since I couldn’t have sex with you during those times, I didn’t want to do it with anyone else.” I relaxed a little more and felt another swell of hope, but I tried not to get ahead of myself.

“And you’ll walk away from this? You’ll stop going to that club and letting people hurt you?”

Bella hesitated for a moment, apparently composing her answer with careful thought. Human seconds had never felt so long.

“I guess that depends on a few things.”

“Such as?”

“Well, you, for one. And me. It may have started as a means to an end, but it’s more than that now. It centers me, somehow. I could do without the pain part… if you stay. But either way, submission makes me feel powerful and… liberated in a way I can’t really explain. I enjoy that part of it.”

“Because the submissive is ultimately the one in control?”

“Exactly,” she replied, visibly surprised. “I mean, it’s complicated, but…”

“I get it,” I assured her. And I really did. “It’s not like you’ve ever had much control over your own life. Always at the mercy of your mother’s whims, feeling obligated to look after both of your parents, having to sacrifice things you wanted for the sake of someone else’s happiness… And then, I left you.”

“Basically.”

I sighed in resignation and looked at the clock on her microwave. We’d been talking for nearly two hours, and I could tell she was exhausted.

“Let’s discuss it more tomorrow. You should get some sleep.”

Bella looked as though she wanted to argue, but after a moment, she nodded and went to retrieve something from a shelf over the kitchen sink. A pill bottle. I was at her side in an instant, taking it from her hand gently.

“What are you taking?”

“Relax. They’re prescribed,” she informed me, rolling her eyes a little. I frowned as I read the label.

“Sleeping pills?”

“Can’t sleep without them. I still get breakthrough nightmares, but these help.”

The fracture in my heart expanded painfully as I watched her swallow one of the tiny pills with a gulp of water. There was still so much I wanted to ask her. What were her nightmares about? What had really happened to Charlie? How had she managed everything alone after his death? What had happened to the vampire who’d killed him?

But I didn’t ask any of that. There would be time for more discussion. I would make sure of it.

“What are you going to do now?” Bella inquired as she pulled a t-shirt and a pair of sweats from the dresser. There was anxiety in her tone again, and she was avoiding eye contact as she spoke.

“Whatever keeps me at your side.”

What I wouldn’t give to be able to read her mind right now, I mused. When she finally looked at me, her chocolate brown eyes spoke volumes, and even without hearing her thoughts, I recognized hope, longing, and fear in her expression. Frustration too, and I knew she probably had more yelling in store for me tomorrow.

Good. I deserved all of it and so much more. I was damn lucky she had let me into her apartment instead of slamming the door in my face.

“I need to…” She gestured toward the absurdly tiny bathroom.

“Have a human minute?” I smiled, and I was rewarded by a little twitch of her lips in response. It’s a start. And I’ll take it.

Bella went to brush her teeth and change clothes, and when she emerged from the bathroom, I was relieved to see her out of the revealing clothing she’d worn to the club. She was free of makeup now too, and she looked more like my Bella. In tattered sweats and a t-shirt, with her natural beauty on display. She did look tired and malnourished, but I could help with that.

“You’re staying?” she asked, glancing hesitantly at the bed.

“For as long as you want me here.” I could read the doubt on her face and sighed. “I know you have no reason to believe me. To trust me. And that’s no more than I deserve after the way I’ve treated you. Please, just… Let me prove it to you.”

“There are a lot of things I still need to say.”

“And I want to hear them all.”

“Somehow, I doubt that,” she frowned.

“Even if those things hurt, I want you to have the opportunity to share them. I need to hear them as much as you need to say them. But for now, you need sleep.”

Bella gave a little sigh and relented, moving to check that the deadbolt was locked. I scowled at it, only now noticing just how ineffectual it was. Any determined human with a decent body weight could probably bust right through it. That won’t do. I had to get her out of this place. She deserved so much better than this…

Once the lights were out, she climbed into bed, and I stretched out next to her. She tensed slightly when I began to hum the lullaby I’d composed for her, but she relaxed after a few seconds. She fell asleep pretty quickly, which was surprising considering how much she still had on her mind.

My eyes darted to the little amber-tinted bottle on the kitchen shelf, and I frowned, lowering my head to breathe her in. The ever-present burn in my throat grew hotter, but I welcomed the pain. Just as she did, apparently.

I still had no idea how I would handle that. I wasn’t sure if Bella truly needed the pain or if she only thought she did. What if she decides it’s something that’s part of her now? I wondered nervously. Could I find a way to give her what she needed?

The thought of causing her any sort of pain was repugnant to me. Every cell of my being rebelled against the idea of such a thing. Even if she wanted it. Hell, even if she begged for it, I just didn’t think I could do that. I was no sadist. And I doubted I could control my strength or my thirst well enough to give her the precise amount of pain she wanted. Just a little too much force could be disastrous. It just wasn’t something I could do.

I guess that’s my hard limit.

Still, Bella had said she could probably let go of the pain part of things. In that case, it all came down to submission and domination, and that didn’t distress me as much as I would’ve expected. My vampire nature was a primal one. Protective, possessive, and yes… dominating. I knew how those relationships were supposed to work, and if she wanted me to go all in, there was at least one part I knew I could get on board with.

Rules. I would probably end up making only one rule for her, though: be safe. Like the vampire rule of keeping the secret, this one would filter down into many facets. Absolutely no more self harm. No more seeking out danger or adrenaline rushes. No more putting herself at unnecessary risk. If she needed submission to find balance, then I’d figure out a way to give that to her. I’d do whatever it took, as long as she was safe.

The mental image of Bella surrendering to me sent a wave lust straight to my groin, and I felt myself harden in my pants. Yes, there would be no problem there. Submission may not have been sexual for Bella before, but it would be for us. I had no doubt of that. What I wasn’t so sure of was how we could ever manage it with the differences in our natures. It seemed physically impossible, and that wasn’t even the half of it.

I knew enough about how power exchange worked to know that it required an extraordinary amount of trust. And I’d broken Bella’s in the worst way. Would it even be possible to get back to where we were? Could we grow stronger? She’d been trusting strangers with her submission, so maybe it wasn’t such a leap…

Except that it was. Submitting to me would mean far more than it ever did with those other men. We had a lot of work to do.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I maneuvered myself carefully so as not to wake Bella as I pulled it out to read a text message from Alice.

A: We got a suite at the Waldorf. Please tell me you’re bringing Bella over tomorrow!

I snorted indelicately and shook my head at how easily my family had managed to get a suite at a place like that without a reservation. Not that I was surprised. I typed my response with one hand while the other continued to stroke Bella’s head as she slumbered.

E: That will be up to her, if she’s ready. DO NOT show up here.

A: :( Okay. How did it go? Is she okay?

E: You didn’t see it?

A: I still can’t see Bella, but I saw you get to the club. After that, you disappeared too. The others will be here by morning. Carlisle has theories but needs more information.

E: Don’t we all. It went as well as I could have hoped, but we still have a lot to discuss. She’s safe and relatively unharmed.

A: Did she yell at you for being an ass?

E: Multiple times.

A: Good. A couple decades of groveling, and you should be all set.

E: Noted. Talk tomorrow.

I slipped my phone back into my pocket and checked the blanket I’d swaddled Bella in to protect her from the chill of my body. She was too quiet, and I didn’t like it. Usually by this point, she would have spoken a word or two, mumbled something incoherent at least… I suspected her medication had put her into a dreamless sleep, and I couldn’t really argue with the benefits of that. Even if I did miss getting that very brief taste of her subconscious mind.

Her scent was as potent as ever, especially in such close quarters, but as my mind became more peaceful, I realized that it wasn’t affecting me as it once did. The thirst was there, but I suspected my earlier anger might have been feeding the burn far more than the pull of Bella’s blood. Hmm…

Yet another thing to ask Carlisle.

Chapter 8 Bella

I woke with a jolt the next morning, startled at the unexpected sight of Edward Cullen in my bed beside me. For a moment, I questioned reality all over again, but then he captured my hand in his and brought it to his cheek, silently providing the proof I needed that he was really and truly there.

“You stayed.” I could hear the surprise in my voice, so I knew he could too, and his slight wince confirmed it.

“I’ll always stay, Bella.”

I wasn’t sure how best to respond to that, but I managed an awkward smile before heading to the bathroom for a few ‘human minutes.’ Once I’d finished my shower and found something comfortable to wear, I tried to do a little tidying around my apartment. Edward watched me with a dubious expression.

“There’s nothing to clean, love. If not for your scent, I’d wonder if anyone lived here at all. Where are the rest of your belongings?” he asked, glancing around my sparsely furnished living space.

“I had to sell or donate pretty much everything when I moved. Most of it was sold with the house.”

“Why didn’t you just go to Florida?”

I stopped my unnecessary cleaning and went back to join him on the bed, his arms opening automatically for me to settle against his chest again. The relief that came with the feeling of being back in his embrace was healing. It was just easier to breathe when he was with me, touching me the way he used to.

“Renee and I had a falling out not long after you left,” I explained, thinking back to that horrible, zombie-like period of my life. “She wanted me to come live with her in Jacksonville, and I refused. I know I hurt her feelings, but it wouldn’t have been a good arrangement for anyone. Renee is… like a flower. Beautiful, changing with the seasons, and always needing sunshine.

“She never stays on any one thing for too long, and that includes me. She would’ve been supportive for a while, but when I didn’t get better, she would’ve given up. And she probably would’ve taken it personally, made it about her.

“She needs sunshine literally and figuratively, and I was nothing but gray and gloom. I was better off in Forks. Though, of course… I’ve always wondered if Charlie would be alive now if I’d chosen differently.”

Edward digested my words in silence, responding only with a long kiss to the crown of my head. The familiar gesture was bittersweet, but it made me smile a little.

“Can we talk about how he died now?” he asked quietly. “I understand you not wanting to get into it last night, and I thought the immediate issue was more important, but…”

“The immediate issue being why I was in a BDSM club.”

“Yes. I actually thought about that a lot after you fell asleep.”

“Oh?” Surprise colored my tone as I tilted my head back to look at his face. His perfect jaw was tight, but he didn’t look angry anymore, which was encouraging.

“Yes… You have to understand that it’s hard for me to hear you say you need something and know that I may not be able to provide it. But I don’t think I could ever cause you pain that way. I just don’t think I have the control it would take not to do real damage, and I’d never be able to live with myself if…”

He broke off on a sob, his golden eyes darkening with pain, and I threaded my fingers through his in reassurance. I hadn’t really expected him to go for any of it. I was honestly surprised he’d even considered it. And I knew with his superior strength and thirst for my blood, it was bound to be impossible. I also wasn’t sure I was ready to let myself make plans for any sort of future with him. Just entertaining the notion felt like tempting fate. Letting even that small tendril of hope wrap its way around my heart could come back to bite me, figuratively speaking.

When I didn’t respond, he continued hesitantly.

“But… the other part…”

“The submission?” I frowned curiously.

“Yes. That part might be possible. If it’s truly something you need.”

He sure as hell had my full attention now, and his expression surprised me almost as much as his words. He looked determined and thoughtful. This conversation was skating very close to the topic of sex, specifically sex between the two of us. He’d often shied away from any discussion about it in the past, uncertain of himself and even a little embarrassed. But there was no embarrassment in his expression or tone now. He wasn’t backing away from the idea or trying to change the subject.

“I don’t know yet if it’s something I need. But… You’re saying you’d be open to it?”

“I would be open to trying. But Bella… It would be different for us. You said nothing you’d done so far was sexual for you, but with our chemistry, our history… I don’t think we’d be able to leave that part of it out.”

I blinked in astonishment, no doubt gaping at him like an idiot, and Edward kept talking.

“We can discuss it more later. Much later, if you want. I think we still have a lot to resolve before you could trust me enough to submit. I broke your trust in the worst possible way, and I want the chance to earn it back. To earn your submission so I can accept it as the gift it truly is.”

I was utterly speechless. Edward was making sense. About sex. Particularly about earning my trust back. Just the idea of opening myself up to him again was frightening, but with time… Maybe. He had stayed last night when I’d been so certain he would vanish like the hallucination I’d initially taken him to be.

“Okay… We can come back to it,” I murmured, still dumbfounded.

“You seem surprised.” His crooked smile made my stomach do stupid things. Very, very stupid things.

“You used to get all flustered or broody when I’d bring up sex or anything close to it. But you’re not like that at all right now. It’s… reassuring.”

“How so?”

“It shows confidence and maturity. Assertiveness... Dominance. It shows that you’re in control of yourself, and that makes me feel more comfortable,” I admitted, and he nodded thoughtfully before returning to the previous subject.

“I’m sorry to have to bring up more painful memories, but… Will you tell me about your father now?”

I winced, feeling a different sort of pain pooling in my gut. Guilt and grief were like a sickness, and they had been my constant companions since the day Charlie had died. I nodded in response to his question but sat up, moving to perch on the edge of the bed. I put my head in my hands as I gathered my thoughts and memories, and Edward appeared in front of me, crouching on the floor at my feet.

“Who attacked him, Bella?”

“We never knew his name. But we knew who made him,” I replied, the weight of my sadness tugging at every word. Edward squinted in confusion, and I knew he probably had a dozen more questions now.

“Who’s we?”

“The wolves.” His expression transformed to one of alarm, and now I was the one feeling confused. “Why do you look so surprised? You knew about them. You had a treaty with them…”

“We didn’t realize any of the Quileutes were still shifting. We thought the trait had died out,” he explained, his tone hollow with shock.

“Oh. Well, fortunately, you were wrong.”

“Fortunately? Bella, they can be incredibly dangerous, especially the young ones. It takes them a while to be able to learn any self-control, and--”

“You’re not telling me anything I don’t know. Anyway, they… They took out the vampire who killed Charlie. And all the rest of them, though that took a little longer.”

“The rest of them???”

“Yeah. I don’t know if she made all of them or just had a lot of friends, but… I guess it doesn’t matter much at this point.”

“Who’s she?” Edward snarled, his eyes black as pitch once more.

“Victoria. The wolves got her. Laurent, too. And about ten others I didn’t know.”

Chapter 9 Edward

I was instantly on my feet, pacing back and forth across the small apartment again, with my fingers twisted into my hair. It was even harder to contain my rage than it had been last night, and I had to make a conscious effort to avoid touching anything other than my feet to the floor.

Victoria.

I’d known there was a chance she might track me down out of the desire to avenge her mate’s demise. I’d gone on the offensive for a little while after leaving Forks, attempting to find her first. But I’d been too debilitated by the pain of separation from my mate to be any good at tracking, and I’d lost the trail early on. It never occurred to me that she might go after Bella.

Why? Why the hell didn’t I consider that?! She could have… Bella could be… I was so agitated that I couldn’t form a coherent thought, and I didn’t stop my rapid pacing until I saw Bella stand up.

“Calm down. You look like you want to destroy something.”

“That’s an understatement.” I was back in front of her in a sixteenth of a second, and she flinched slightly. I took a step back, inwardly admonishing myself for forgetting my human facade. “I’m so very sorry. I never imagined Victoria would come after you. I thought, if anything, it would have been me and my family she’d want dead after what we did to James.

“I swear to you, if I’d had any idea, I never would have left. No matter how much the thought of inadvertently hurting you frightened me, I never would have left you so vulnerable. And Charlie…”

I winced again, wishing I could pull her into my arms. I didn’t want to push for too much too soon when we still had so much to resolve. So far, I’d mostly let her set the pace for physical contact, and I was determined to keep doing that.

“Charlie’s death isn’t on you. It’s on Victoria,” she corrected.

“But if I hadn’t brought you into my world--”

“No. Just stop.” And I did. “I spent months thinking that if I’d never agreed to move to Forks, Charlie would still be here. And that’s ridiculous. There are any number of things that could’ve happened differently, but none of that matters now. What’s done is done.”

She sighed and sank back onto the mattress, and I managed to control my residual agitation enough to sit next to her. To my relief, she didn’t move away or tell me to backoff. I needed to be near her. Her presence had never felt more like a drug than it did in that moment, and I’d been without a fix for far too long.

Never again. No matter what. But that thought led to another as I remembered the way Bella had managed to find a ‘fix’ of her own during my absence.

“You said the hallucinations started not long before he died,” I said cautiously. “And that an incident triggered them. What was the incident?” Her expression grew wary.

“Well… Charlie and Billy thought I’d get over you faster if I spent more time around Jake, so he started showing up at the house a lot. Charlie didn’t even bust him for driving without a license,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. “It took a while, but it did start to work… kind of. Our dads weren’t really trying to play matchmaker, but Jake seemed to think otherwise. Our friendship was pretty short-lived. He was being pushy, and even when both Charlie and Billy told him to back off, he didn’t want to take no for an answer.”

A growl ripped from my chest before I could stop it, but Bella shook her head quickly.

“He never hurt me. Certainly not the way you’re thinking. But my refusal made him angry one afternoon, and… he phased. I was lucky. If I’d been any closer to him…”

My teeth were bared in a predatory snarl, and my entire body vibrated with rage as she watched me helplessly. But she didn’t seem frightened. Instead, she reached out a tentative hand to touch my forearm, trying to soothe me.

“He didn’t hurt me,” she repeated. “But I was afraid. I had no idea werewolves even existed, so watching one shift in my living room was terrifying. He didn’t know what was happening to him either, which only made his agitation worse. Anyway, the point is… For a few seconds before he went busting through my front door, my brain found that perfect combination of fear and adrenaline, and… there you were.”

My mind was in chaos, but I managed to stop growling, taking a deep breath as I tried to pull myself back together. As much as I appreciated the pack for protecting Bella, I still felt the urge to sprint the distance between Chicago and La Push so I could give Jacob Black the beating he deserved for trying to take advantage of Bella that way… for trying to take what was mine.

I was struggling to keep a hold on my temper, especially since she’d commended me for my self-control less than an hour ago. Blowing up about this wasn’t the way to win her trust back. So, I forced myself to remain still, fighting my monstrous urges with each passing second until I began to feel calm again.

To my surprise, Bella cuddled into me and allowed me to hold her to my chest. I relaxed further, savoring the feeling of her in my arms and letting her presence soothe me. The darkness that had been my constant companion in her absence was ebbing away, slowly being eradicated by light.

Her light.

Chapter 10 Bella

I have no idea how long I stayed curled up in his arms. It could have been minutes or hours, but the interruption of Edward’s cell phone still came too soon. One glance at the tiny screen had him rolling his eyes.

“Alice?” I guessed.

“Emmett this time. Carlisle and Esme before that. And yes, Alice texted last night. She’s very anxious.”

I sighed, knowing I’d have to face them sooner or later. Before I’d fallen asleep last night, I’d told myself that if Edward kept his word and stayed with me through the night, I would try to let him back in. Let them all back in. It wouldn’t be easy. Edward wasn’t the only one who’d broken my trust.

I was still angry with all of them for abandoning me, with the possible exception of Rosalie and Jasper. I’d always known where I stood with Rosalie and had expected no loyalty from her. And Jasper had probably been feeling a lot of guilt over what had happened at my birthday party, so I couldn’t exactly blame him for wanting to get away from the source of that guilt.

But Alice… She’d been like my sister. And Emmett had called himself my brother. I supposed I could forgive them for needing to stay with their mates, but they could have at least had the decency to say goodbye.

My thoughts turned to Carlisle and Esme, remembering the way they’d welcomed me so warmly into their home and their family. Why had they gone along with Edward’s plan? Every last one of them had vanished overnight, without a single word of apology or farewell. They hadn’t respected me any better than Edward had.

“Are they all here now?” I asked softly, hating the vulnerability in my voice. Edward heard it as well, and he held me a little closer.

“They’re at a hotel not far from here.”

He went on to explain that everyone had gone in different directions after leaving Forks. Alaska, New England, Texas, Europe… This would be the first time in a year and a half that they’d all been in the same place.

“Is that normal? I thought everyone usually lived together.”

“Each couple has spent time away from the rest of the group now and then, but essentially… Yes, we usually stay together.” He looked ashamed and sick with remorse as he added, “I broke everyone. Not just us. We haven’t lived together since Forks, and everyone has been unhappy.”

“I’m sure they don’t blame you.”

“Rose does,” he replied sardonically. “If the rest of them don’t, they should. It’s my fault everyone has been miserable.”

“I thought it was just mated pairs who couldn’t stand to be separated,” I frowned, touching his chest lightly. I couldn’t help wondering if his emptiness had felt like mine while we were apart. Had he hurt more because vampires could feel more? Or less because he was stronger?

“In a normal coven, that’s probably true. Our choice of lifestyle means we retain more of our humanity and form stronger bonds. Being apart isn’t painful the way…”

“The way it is for mates,” I supplied. He grimaced in discomfort.

“Yes. But it’s still unpleasant. And they all miss you.”

I snorted derisively, and he looked at me in surprise.

“I highly doubt Rosalie misses me. Or Jasper. I annoyed her and caused him pain on a regular basis. Why would they miss me?”

“Jasper has never held that against you. He likes you as a person. Admires you, even. They all do, even Rosalie.” I lifted one brow skeptically, and he elaborated. “Rose thinks I’m an idiot, as usual, but even more so since I left you. I haven’t seen her in person yet, but I heard plenty in Emmett’s thoughts on the way here.”

“But she hated me.”

“No, she envied you.” Okay, now he’s really gone crazy. “She envied your humanity and the fact that you had so many opportunities in your future, which was far more than she ever had. I don’t like to share other people’s stories, but… All Rose ever wanted was the chance to be a mother, and now that can never happen for her. She hates being a vampire and would’ve preferred to die instead. In her mind, you wanted to cast that opportunity aside without stopping to consider the cost. But she did admire your bravery. The way you accepted all of us without judgment… She’s just too proud to say things like that out loud.”

I took a second to process all of that and felt a grudging twinge of empathy for her. It was good information to have, but Rosalie’s opinion of me was still pretty low on my list of concerns at the moment.

“And the rest of them? If they miss me so much, why did they leave in the first place? Why did they disappear without so much as a goodbye?” I could hear the pain of that betrayal saturating each word, and my eyes stung as Edward tilted my chin upward with a gentle touch. His face was lined with remorse once again, and his amber eyes were tight.

“That was my fault. I should never have asked that of them, and they were all furious with me.”

“But they still did it,” I pointed out, and he slumped inward with guilt.

“I’ve screwed things up enough as it is, so I’d rather not speak for them. You should ask them yourself.”

I nodded, reluctantly accepting the wisdom of that. I was terribly conflicted, wishing I could see them but wanting to guard my heart a little while longer. It had only been one day. Shouldn’t I wait and make sure Edward doesn’t change his mind about things? But even as that thought crossed my mind, I realized that it didn’t matter. If he left me again, that would be it. And maybe having the Cullens on my side would help things between us.

I checked the time and realized it was nearly noon. Between my sleeping in and our lengthy conversation, the day was half gone.

“I’m going to eat something… And then, we can go see everyone.”

“Really? I thought you’d need more time.”

“We’ve wasted enough of that already, don’t you think?”

“Maybe, but don’t rush yourself on their account. Or mine.”

“Now or later… It doesn’t really matter. They need to earn back my trust almost as much as you do.”

Edward looked nervous but nodded in agreement.

“How do we do that?”

“For them? Time, I guess. And being supportive. Respecting my wishes.”

“And for me?”

He looked almost fearful of my answer, and I pursed my lips, knowing full well what saying the words out loud might do. Was I ready to have this argument in such blunt terms? Maybe it won’t be an argument… He’s changed. He’d been willing to consider other things I wanted and needed from him. Would he still deny me what I wanted most?

“I need to feel respected,” I told him, speaking firmly and keeping my chin up. I stared into his topaz eyes and refused to look away.

“I do--”

“As long as I’m human, you hold the true power. No matter what you say.” I watched him stiffen, but I didn’t back down. “You can change your mind and leave me at any time, and I wouldn’t be able to do or say anything about it. We need to be on equal ground, like I’ve said all along. You either need to change me or let someone else do it.”

His expression was inscrutable, but I counted the lack of immediate refusal as a good sign.

“If you can’t do that, then you may as well kill me now, because I won’t survive you leaving twice. I’ll make sure of it.” He thawed abruptly, appalled and sputtering. “No one should have to live with that kind of pain. It’s a matter of time anyway. If some supernatural death doesn’t find me, the pain of being without you will do it. A person can only withstand something like that for so long before they break, and I was so damn close…”

In a blink, his arms were around me, squeezing me so tightly that it hurt, but I welcomed the pain. His reply was a growl I could feel vibrating from his stone chest, and I tried like hell not to pin too much hope on his words.

“That will never happen. Ever.”

Chapter 11 Bella

When we stepped out of my apartment building a short while later, I was startled to see a gleaming black sedan parked out front. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who it belonged to, though I knew it hadn’t been there last night. Alice’s handiwork, I assumed.

“How long has this been parked here? Not very smart in this neighborhood,” I commented as Edward opened the passenger door for me. He scowled slightly but didn’t respond until he’d rounded the car and climbed in.

“You find the neighborhood safe enough to live in - alone, no less - but not safe enough to park a car in?” he challenged.

“First of all, I’m on a budget, and this is what I can afford. And second, this is a Lexus. You’re practically begging to get it stolen and stripped for parts.”

“The car is just a car. You are infinitely more precious to me.”

I felt another surge of warmth and allowed my heart to thaw a little more. But as he began to pull away from the curb, I glanced up at my apartment building, seeing it as he probably did. While it wasn’t the worst in the neighborhood, I’m sure it looked like a hovel compared to the places he’d probably lived. I had no trouble recalling the lavish elegance of the house in Forks.

Edward sped down the street, but I was distracted enough not to be bothered by his driving. I’m not sure what my face looked like, but when he reached over to turn my chin toward him, his eyes were soft and apologetic.

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you. You’ve been on your own and doing the best you can. To be honest, I’m more than a little in awe of you.”

“I can’t imagine why,” I chuckled weakly, not bothering to tell him to watch the road.

“That’s because we focused more on you when discussing our… time apart. I told you my siblings had to track me down.”

“And force you to hunt,” I murmured. It was hard to imagine Edward like that, but I hadn’t been very interested in keeping myself alive either.

“No, I didn’t hunt, at least not right away. I refused to listen to them or to move from the corner I’d been cowering in for over a year. They had to bring an animal in. Even then, I resisted. I was thirsty enough that I should’ve attacked anything with a pulse that came within five miles of me. But it wasn’t until Alice said your name that I actually started listening to the words coming out of their mouths. And their minds. When she told me you might be in trouble, it was automatic. I drained the panther they’d brought in before I even realized I’d moved.”

I was stunned, hating the mental images he’d created in my mind. Edward in pain, tormented by thirst and anxiety. Frightened for me…

“So, you see,” he continued, “you at least made an effort to live your life. To conquer the agonizing pain, the heartbreak, the apathy… You tried, whether it was for yourself or for Charlie or…”

“You. It was for you. I may not have kept that promise--”

“No, you were right. I had no right to ask it of you in the first place.” We stared at one another for an infinite moment until I finally gave him a nod of thanks. I had to admit, he was doing pretty well at making amends so far. It boded well for the future.

We fell into silence, holding hands over the center console as those horrible images continued to plague me, and I tried to push them from my mind when we arrived at the hotel. I smirked a little as I read the sign. Of course they’d be at the freaking Waldorf. It was exactly the kind of hotel I would’ve expected the Cullens to choose, even on short notice. At least some things hadn’t changed.

I was doing my best to keep an open mind about seeing them all again, but my discomfort grew the closer we got to their room. The elevator ride seemed to take an eternity, and Edward stroked my back gently, presumably in an effort to slow my pulse to a more reasonable speed. I’d thought getting this out of the way would be best, but now I was wishing I’d just stayed locked up in my apartment with Edward a little while longer.

What if it went badly? What if I tripped or walked into a sharp object or something? A fucking papercut had derailed my life once before… What if one of them was thirsty and reacted the way Jasper had on my birthday? Would Edward leave me again? The questions and hypotheticals swirled in my mind, and I was intensely aware of my movements as we opened the door to the suite.

I had no idea what to expect when I walked through the door, but I was most definitely not anticipating the way Alice seemed to materialize out of thin air in front of me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I recoiled on pure instinct, startled and defensive.

A chorus of gasps and hisses filled the room as Alice was forced away from me. Her arms were thrown back as though she’d been scalded, and she moved several feet across the marble floor. Except… She hadn’t moved voluntarily. Everyone was frozen in shock, and I looked as much like a statue as the rest of them.

No one spoke. No one breathed.

“What just happened?” I whispered shakily.

“I’m not sure…” Alice murmured in shock. Alice doesn’t know something? What the hell is going on?

My eyes went to Edward, who looked baffled and concerned, and I watched him inch toward me cautiously. He reached out to me, and my fingers closed around his cool hand. But when Alice and Esme attempted to do the same, they encountered some kind of barrier, invisible but absolutely real. They pressed their hands against it with wide eyes, their palms flattening in mid-air a few feet away from me.

I saw Edward’s eyes dart around the group of vampires, and I wondered what he was hearing in their thoughts. Their faces showed various expressions of confusion, concern, guilt, and caution. Even Rosalie looked mildly intrigued and not as hostile as I’d expected.

“I wonder…” Carlisle mused in speculation, watching the place where his mate’s hand pushed against the invisible wall. “Bella, could you try to relax, please? Take a deep breath and let the tension ease from your muscles. Close your eyes if you need to.”

I did as he suggested, but my heart still thundered against my eardrums, the confusion making my anxiety worse. Esme spoke this time, and her gentle voice soothed me.

“You’re safe here, dear. None of us wants to hurt you.”

“I know that,” I assured her, still trying to slow my racing pulse. “I was just startled.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” Alice promised. Her pixie-like features were full of remorse, and I felt suddenly guilty, though I still had no earthly idea what had happened.

“I wasn’t afraid, just… caught off guard. What was that?” I asked Carlisle.

“I’m not sure. Has anything like that ever happened before?”

“I don’t think so. Are you saying I did that?”

“It certainly seems that way. Edward, you still can’t hear her?”

“No,” Edward confirmed, frowning at whatever he was hearing in Carlisle’s thoughts.

“And Alice can’t see her,” Carlisle mused, canting his head thoughtfully.

“What?” I demanded in alarm, glancing back and forth between Edward and Alice.

“We had a lot to talk about. I was going to tell you,” Edward shrugged apologetically.

“You can’t see me anymore?”

“Not in a while,” Alice admitted nervously. “Not like I used to. I get glimpses now and then, but it’s never clear enough to get a real picture.”

Edward’s lips were pressed into a thin line, and I couldn’t help but wonder what ‘glimpses’ he’d seen in her thoughts. I was calmer now, though still struggling to understand what the fuck was happening, and I was grateful no one had tried to approach me again.

“So… Whatever weird glitch I have in my brain keeps you out now too?”

“Most of the time,” Alice nodded, her smile hesitant. But it’s more than that. I moved her. Alice. A vampire.

“I can’t feel you anymore.” All eyes turned to Jasper, who looked deeply troubled as he continued in his vaguely Southern drawl, “And when you did… whatever that was… I couldn’t smell you either. I can now, but your scent disappeared for a few seconds. I can’t feel your emotions at all. I’ve been trying to help you calm down, but I can’t reach you. It’s like there’s a void.”

Everyone was stunned by his words, and I shrank a little when they turned back to me.

“Has your ability ever failed with anyone else?”

“Never.”

“He’s right about your scent,” Emmett spoke up, now seeming more relaxed and back to his usual cheerful self.. “I didn’t notice right then, but there was a minute or so that I couldn’t smell you either.” The others nodded in agreement.

“What does it mean?”

This time, all eyes went to Carlisle, and Edward increased the pressure on my hand perceptibly.

“Well, I think you’ve always had a mental shield, Bella. That’s what keeps Edward out of your mind. When Alice told me she couldn’t see your future anymore, I thought perhaps your shield had somehow evolved into a physical one as well. Your being able to block Jasper’s ability now seems to confirm that theory.”

“Okay, but… I pushed Alice. And Esme couldn’t get close either.”

“I think they probably could now, if you stay calm. You were startled and reacted instinctively.”

“But I didn’t mean to…”

“Yes,” Carlisle smiled kindly. “It was an involuntary reaction.” His calm demeanor did make me feel better, but I was still a bit lost. This wasn’t adding up.

“But… You’re talking about abilities. Like vampires have. I’m human.”

“Vampire abilities sometimes manifest in humans,” Jasper interjected, and a few of the others nodded. Edward growled so quietly I almost missed it, presumably in response to someone’s thoughts. I remembered Edward mentioning something to that effect once before, but he’d made it sound like something far less distinct than what I’d just done.

“And it doesn’t mean I have a brain tumor or something?” An imaginary Edward shimmered in my memory, but Carlisle shook his head, still smiling.

“I highly doubt it. I am curious as to why your ability is evolving now, however. We should discuss it further. Perhaps in private,” he suggested. My eyes swept the room full of curious vampires, and I looked at the floor in embarrassment.

“Finally got that blushing thing under control, huh?” Emmett teased. His smile was wide and easy, and I couldn’t help but return it.

“You could say that.”

After everything I’d seen at the club, there was precious little that could make me blush these days. I glanced sideways at Edward, whose jaw was still tight despite the warmth in his eyes as he watched me. My imagination promptly supplied me with an image of him bare-chested and smiling as he held a heavy flogger.

“I guess I spoke too soon.”

I looked back at Emmett’s laughing face and touched my fingers to my cheek. Leave it to Edward Cullen to be the only person still capable of making me blush.

“Bella… Is it all right if I hug you?” Esme asked hopefully. Actually, it sounded more like a plea, and I gave her a hesitant nod, willing my weird brain not to overreact again.

I exhaled in relief when she wasn’t met with any strange invisible walls this time. She’d only had her arms around me for a second when she pulled Edward into the embrace as well, and for a moment, it felt like being pinched between two chilled rocks. But it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was… home.

“Sorry, Mom,” Edward said quietly, and when Esme nodded stiffly, I assumed he was responding to her thoughts again.

“We missed you so much, Bella,” she whispered before pulling back to look at me. Her amber eyes were shimmering with regret. “We’re so sorry. We should never have left you behind. I hated it then, and I hate it now.”

I managed a weak smile but said nothing, deciding it wasn’t the right moment for speeches and ultimatums. Alice was next, followed by Emmett and Carlisle. Jasper held back but smiled apologetically, and I gave him a nod of understanding. I was glad he was being cautious, so it didn’t feel like a snub. Neither did the expression Rosalie was giving me. She looked fairly neutral, if a little hesitant, and I took it as a positive sign. It wasn’t like I’d expected a warm reception from her anyway, but it was nice not to be scowled at.

We all relaxed a bit more as we moved into the sitting room area, and I looked around the suite with wide eyes. There were two bedrooms visible, along with a small kitchenette and a wide balcony. The furnishings were even more opulent than I’d expected, and I shuddered at the thought of how much it was costing them for even one night. Not that it really mattered when you had more money than God.

There were multiple sofas and loveseats, and everyone paired off in their usual fashion. Edward and I sat alone on one of the plush, gray loveseats with Carlisle and Esme directly across from us.

“We were so sorry to hear about Charlie,” said Esme. Edward draped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me against his side, and I wasn’t sure whether he was trying to comfort me or use my touch to keep himself calm.

“Thank you.”

“He was killed by a vampire,” Edward announced, and once again, the room was full of hissing.

I spaced out a little as he filled them all in at vampire speed, and they looked even more stunned at the mention of the wolves. Emmett’s laughter reclaimed my attention.

“Leave it to Bella to take up with a pack of werewolves once the vamps leave town.”

I rolled my eyes good-naturedly, not really in the mood to talk about the pack. I noticed most of the others looked worried, either for my safety or my sanity, and Carlisle’s words surprised me.

“It was the smartest thing she could have done.” It was easy to read the incredulity on everyone’s faces, aside from Edward, who seemed to agree with his father. “Who else could have defended her from a small army of newborns? If not for the wolves, Bella would probably be dead.”

“Yes,” I acknowledged, knowing it was true. “I can’t quite summon the same gratitude for them, though. They didn’t save Charlie. And at that point in my life, death would’ve been a welcome relief. Not that Victoria would’ve given me a merciful one.”

That comment was followed by more hissing and even a couple of growls. Before I could take another breath, Edward had pulled me into his lap protectively. I was slightly embarrassed by my own words, since I hadn’t really intended to be so blunt with them, but I also felt a little irritated by their reactions. Had they all believed I’d just ‘get over it?’

“Sorry, but what did you all really expect? Have any of you been abandoned by your mate and had them tell you they didn’t want you anymore?”

The room was full of silent statues again, and all eyes were on Edward.

Chapter 12 Edward

No one spoke, but their thoughts were deafening. Shame and remorse flooded me again, and I absorbed every rebuke, knowing I deserved them all.

Alice was loudest. You told her WHAT?!

Oh, Edward. How could you say such a thing? Esme thought, stunned and appalled.

Jasper and Emmett both wanted to dismember me, and Emmett actually wanted to let Bella choose which part I’d lose first. He was hoping for a castration. Even Rose was coming down on Bella’s side: Bella deserves better than him.

“I know,” I responded mournfully.

Carlisle was extremely disappointed, but he knew me better than the others. He understood that my intentions had been honorable at the time, but he was still very concerned by what Bella had said.

“Bella,” he said gently. “Did you ever attempt…”

Bella seemed to take a moment to deliberate, but she eventually shook her head no. I opened my mouth to argue, but she stopped me, her brown eyes still flashing a little.

“Self harm isn’t the same as attempting suicide. Related, maybe, but not the same. I may not have been opposed to death finding me, but I never intentionally sought it out.”

My family was still frozen in shock, and everyone but Carlisle was calling me foul names in their thoughts. Even Esme was thinking words I’d never heard her say out loud. None of it was anything I hadn’t already thought about myself, however, and I took the abuse without comment.

“Would you like to talk about it in private?” Carlisle asked, his bedside tone a little more evident than before. Bella frowned slightly.

“You mean… in a professional capacity?”

“Yes. Confidentially, of course.”

I watched Bella mutely, and to my surprise, she actually seemed to consider it. I wondered if her stubborn streak had faded a bit or if she’d simply grown more mature. Either way, it gave me hope.

“Maybe,” she hedged. “I don’t really feel like hashing all of that out right now, though. Privately or otherwise. I know there are some things still left to be resolved, but for now, I think I’d like to leave the past where it is. I’d rather talk about the present. And the future. I want you all to be a part of my life again, but…”

“But we broke your trust,” Esme supplied. I could hear the anguish in her words as well as her thoughts.

“Yes.”

“We’ll earn it back. I promise,” Alice insisted, her expression almost pleading. The others were all in agreement, even Rosalie.

“And I’ll let you. But it might take some time. I’m… not the same person I was in Forks.”

I cringed and pressed my lips to her temple, willing to do whatever it took to get back to what we’d had. Esme’s heart broke a little more for her, and her next words echoed my thoughts.

“We’ll do whatever it takes.”

“I really just need to feel like my choices are respected. Even if not everyone agrees with them,” Bella explained.

Most of my family nodded solemnly, and I was hit with another barrage of silent condemnation. Rosalie’s thoughts were predictably sour, but she had the courtesy to keep them to herself. I tilted my head toward Bella’s and inhaled more of the scent I’d missed so terribly while we’d been apart.

“Can we talk about what’s going on with my weird, screwed-up brain now?” she asked hopefully, and the mood lightened a bit as a few of the others chuckled. Carlisle smiled and leaned forward in interest.

“It’s certainly intriguing. If your talent is manifesting so strongly now, I’m excited to see what you’ll be able to do once you’re changed.”

And just like that, Bella was sitting up and scooting off my lap. She perched on the edge of the sofa, and I settled for resting a hand on her back as I tried to keep my emotions in check. I’d never been more conflicted on the matter, especially in light of everything that had happened.

Even if I hadn’t been able to hear my family’s thoughts, I knew where they all stood on the subject. They wanted Bella to be a full-fledged and official member of the family. Most of them always had. The only person whose thoughts took me by surprise was Rose. She had always been staunchly opposed to the idea, but her reaction was different now. She wasn’t necessarily agreeing that Bella should be changed, but she wasn’t screaming obscenities in her thoughts at the mere suggestion of it. That seemed like reasonable progress, especially for her.

“So, you… You’re all okay with me becoming one of you?” Bella asked cautiously, and I sat forward as well, eyeing her expression. Alice scoffed and smiled brilliantly at Bella.

“You’re already one of us, Bella. But if you mean becoming a vampire, then yes. Of course!”

“If that’s your choice, we’ll all respect it. All of us,” Esme added. Everyone but Rose nodded. “I already consider you my daughter.”

“It’ll be nice to have someone around who can present a real challenge for Alice and Edward. And Jasper too, I guess. They cheat at everything,” Emmett grinned.

I rolled my eyes along with my talented siblings, but Bella smiled back at him. Rose remained silent and impassive. Bella turned her body slightly to look at me, her eyebrows raised in question. I knew what she wanted me to say. To do. And I wanted to give her that approval more than anything, especially after everything I’d put her through with my foolishness. But I couldn’t quite form the words.

“What, Edward?” Bella frowned irritably, clearly expecting me to lash out, as I often had when the subject of her humanity had come up in the past. I sighed reluctantly.

“Your soul…”

I braced myself for her reaction and wasn’t disappointed. She wasn’t the only one who wished I could just let it go. Even I wished for that. Bella rolled her eyes, and several members of my family cursed in exasperation, both mentally and verbally. My beautiful girl just shook her head at me in disappointment.

“After spending ninety years with this family… I just don’t understand how you could ever believe any of them to be soulless.” I could hear her aggravation, but I remained calm.

“We’re monsters by nature. We’re designed to kill, Bella.”

“Every living creature on earth is designed to kill some other creature. Next argument?”

I blinked in surprise at her quick comeback, and there was a collective sort of Amen! in my family’s thoughts that got louder when I couldn’t fault her logic. I rallied quickly, not looking away from her determined brown eyes.

“We’re not human.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t have a soul. Humans aren’t the only creatures with souls. If you ever owned a pet as a human, you would know that,” she rebutted easily. I ran a hand through my hair in agitation, unsure of my footing. Bella huffed and muttered, “God, you’re like those so-called pro-life people who care more that someone has a pulse than whether or not that someone is happy and healthy.”

“Of course I care about those things!” I argued, appalled that she would even imply otherwise.

“Your actions prove that you don’t. My heart may have kept beating after you left, but everything else inside of me died. It felt like you had died. Or worse, that you’d never existed in the first place. Wasn’t that what you wanted? I’ve been in constant, physical pain every second of every day, so forgive me if three days of burning doesn’t seem like such a big deal,” she said bitterly.

“I… I can’t stand the thought of watching you suffer like that. Watching you burn from the inside out, screaming and writhing in pain.”

“I’m stronger than you’ve ever given me credit for. Don’t put that shortcoming on me.”

“And if the roles were reversed? Would you be able to stand it happening to me?” I watched her hesitate, but my satisfaction was brief.

“It would be heartbreaking,” she agreed, her tone now soft but still firm. She wasn’t backing down. “But I would be strong for you. I’d stay with you and hold your hand because I’d know the reward would be amazing. An eternity with you at my side.”

I couldn’t help but scoff lightly, ignoring the mental warnings from the others in the room.

“You talk about rewards, but what about what you’re giving up?!” My eyes widened when Bella actually growled in frustration.

“Name one thing I’d be giving up that I haven’t already lost!”

“Children.” Seven heads turned toward Rosalie in surprise. Until now, everyone had been watching our exchange like spectators at a tennis match, but it was Rose who had spoken this time. “If you do this, you’ll never be a mother. Or a grandmother. Or a great-grandmother.”

Bella looked at her for a long moment, and even without being able to read her mind, I knew she was seeing a side of Rose she’d never been privy to before. Vulnerability. Suddenly, Rose wasn’t her typical, stone-faced bitch self, and Bella’s demeanor softened perceptibly.

“That’s what you regret losing.” It was more of a statement than a question, and I was surprised when Rose confirmed it with a nod. “I’m sorry things didn’t happen the way you wanted, Rosalie. I’m sorry that opportunity was taken from you. That your choice was taken from you. No one should ever have to feel that way. But… If that’s really your only argument, it makes you enormously hypocritical.”

Rose snarled at her, and I growled back, shifting defensively so that Bella was half hidden behind my torso. But she placed a hand between my shoulder blades and waited until I’d retreated to my previous position before speaking again, her voice steady and rational.

“I spent the majority of my life with a single mother who never should have had a child. She didn’t want one, and she wasn’t ready. She loved me, but… She didn’t know how to be a mother, and she never really learned. I looked after her. I worried about her, cooked for her, cleaned up after her. I made sure the bills were paid on time, gave her advice… I took care of her. I was her mother more than she was ever mine because someone needed to be the adult. I’ve been a mother, Rosalie. And I have absolutely no desire to have a child of my own.”

“That could change when you’re older,” Rose insisted stubbornly.

“Sure, it could,” Bella shrugged. “But it won’t. I made my decision about motherhood when I was nine years old. That’s roughly half my life. I’ve changed a lot in those ten years, but I haven’t changed my mind about this.

“But regardless, that’s really not the point. Even if I’d had a fantastic mother,” she nodded toward Esme, “and no logical reason not to want kids… Whether or not I ever bring a child into the world is my choice and no one else’s. I’m sorry someone or something made your choice for you, but you don’t get to make it for me. And neither do you,” she added, looking at me. “My body is my own, and I decide what happens to it.”

Her words hit their target in more ways than one, but I couldn’t help remembering the way she’d let others hurt her… Use her. They’d done things to her body and controlled her, at least physically. Bella’s characteristic perceptiveness flickered in her chocolate eyes, and she shook her head firmly.

“I know what you’re thinking. But you’re forgetting that I was the one who chose to allow those things. At the end of the day, it was always my choice. My body. My free will. No one gets to take that away.”

I withheld comment as I listened to the thoughts of my family, not at all surprised to find them all in agreement with her. Rosalie’s thoughts were centered around the subject of choice, particularly as she remembered the sexual assault that had led to her death and the end of her dreams of motherhood. She realized in that moment that Bella was absolutely right. To disregard her choice in what to do with her own body would make Rose no better than the men who had raped her.

“And leaving your family and friends behind? Your mother?” I asked quietly, fairly certain I already knew what her answer would be.

“The only true family I have left is this one, or at least I hope that will be the case eventually. Charlie’s dead. I have no siblings or living grandparents. I haven’t heard from anyone from Phoenix or Forks in a long time. And my mother left me behind years ago. I didn’t realize it at first, but that’s what she did. When I moved to Forks, she moved on.

“I’m sure she loves me, and she’ll miss me on the few occasions I happen to cross her mind. But since she hasn’t cared enough to even pick up the phone and check on me, I doubt she’ll even notice I’m gone until someone notifies her that I’ve died.

“If things were different, the decision might’ve been a little harder, but I’d still be making the same one. I can live without my mom. I can live without my friends. I absolutely cannot live without you.” She paused for a beat and gave me a soft, expectant smile. “Next argument?”

Chapter 13 Edward

I didn’t know why I’d thought for a single second that Bella’s stubborn streak might have faded. If anything, she’d only grown more hard-headed. Her mind was sharper, as was her tongue, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Except, of course, when I was the one in her crosshairs.

“I agree with everything you’ve said about this being your decision and your choice,” I admitted reluctantly.

“But you still wish I was making a different one.”

“Part of me does.”

“Why?” she asked, her temper rising again. I winced in anticipation.

“Your soul…”

“We’re back to that?!”

“Are you sure you want to spend eternity with such a moron?” Alice grinned. Jasper was quick on the uptake.

“Rose seems to have figured out a way to make it work.”

“Hey!” Emmett objected, his smile just as wide as ever. Everyone chuckled but me.

“Be nice, Jasper,” Bella smirked.

“Maybe we should finish discussing this in private,” I suggested, but Bella shook her head immediately.

“No. This affects all of them, so they get to be here to weigh in.”

“You’re doing great, Bella,” Jasper praised her. “Keep it up. We’re enjoying the show.”

They all laughed again as the others concurred either verbally or mentally. When the room quieted again, Bella turned her body toward me and placed both of her hands in mine. They were so wonderfully warm and soft, and part of me ached to think of losing that.

“Okay, let’s try something else,” Bella said thoughtfully. “What’s your definition of a soul?”

“It’s what’s left of humans after they die,” I replied with a slight shrug. “The part that goes to heaven or hell. It’s what makes them who they are.”

“All right. So, going by that theory, your soul was lost during your change?”

“Yes.”

“Where did it go?” she pressed. I was momentarily flummoxed, so she went on. “Heaven? Hell? Limbo? Outer space? Where did it go?” Emmett snickered quietly, but I ignored him.

“I don’t know. In my mind, it was destroyed.”

“Only God can do that. Carlisle is a strong and pretty capable guy, but he’s not God. You also said it’s what’s left of us after we die. I’m sure I don’t need to point out that your human body did die. So, if your soul wasn’t destroyed and it didn’t go to some other plane of existence… Where else could it be but still inside you?”

I stared at her in bewilderment, wishing like hell I could shut out the other voices in my head. I tried to summon an appropriate response, but Bella wasn’t about to wait for me to come up with an argument. She kept her momentum effortlessly, as though she’d been preparing for this conversation for a very long time.

“You said the soul is what makes us who we are. Meaning that it determines what kind of choices we make, how we treat people, how we see the world, the very way we exist… You agree with all of that?”

I nodded mutely before she continued.

“You’ve also told me that you were perceptive as a human. You and Jasper both. You were good at reading people. And we know that Alice had some form of precognition before her change. Esme wanted motherhood, and now she’s the best one I know. Carlisle wanted to be a good person and to help people, to change the world for the better. I think anyone who knows him would agree he’s done precisely that as a vampire.

“Emmett and Rosalie,” Bella paused, turning her head toward them briefly. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know as much about your stories. But you do, Edward. Am I wrong in assuming there were multiple core traits that survived the change?”

“No,” I replied softly.

“Okay, then… You wanted proof that the soul can survive the change. If all of those things, those fragile but intrinsic personality traits, are connected to and determined by their souls… The only logical explanation is that the soul not only survives the change but is strengthened by it.”

I was stunned, to put it mildly. It wasn’t so much what she’d said but rather the passion with which she’d said it. In my numerous conversations with Carlisle over the past century about souls and vampirism, I’d heard much the same argument from him. But I had viewed it as theoretical at best, especially since I could hear the traces of doubt that still persisted in his mind despite his efforts to convince me.

But hearing it from Bella affected me differently. Even without being able to hear her thoughts, it was obvious she wholeheartedly believed every word she’d said. And, more than ever, I found myself wanting to believe it too.

“Now,” Bella went on, “if after all that, you still don’t think you or your family have souls, then fine. I’ll respect your opinion and your right to believe whatever nonsense you want. But you are going to respect my choice. This isn’t just about you. If I’m part of this family, then I’m going to be part of this family. You don’t have to agree with my choice. But you do have to accept it.”

My dead heart ached as Bella gazed back at me expectantly, and the hope in her eyes was my undoing. I was so proud of her in that moment, I felt like my love for her would consume me whole. She was amazing. Brilliant, strong, brave, articulate… She’d gone head-to-head with not one but two vampires about their deep-seated beliefs and managed to leave both of us speechless.

“I’ve already made the mistake of not respecting right to choose your own path,” I admitted ruefully, bringing my hands up to frame her delicate jaw. “I won’t repeat that mistake.”

Bella’s eyes widened, and her answering smile was brighter than any I’d seen on her face since I’d found her again. I would do whatever it took to see her smile like that every day for the rest of eternity.

“Really? You won’t try to stop me? And you won’t run away?”

“I couldn’t stop you even if I wanted to, so I won’t try. And I will never run from you again, no matter what you choose. I swear it.”

She climbed back into my lap quickly and sealed her lips to mine, kissing me with more passion than I’d ever been willing to allow. My arms encircled her waist, holding her tenderly against my chest, and I groaned with arousal as her lips parted. Her tongue darted out to trace the seam of my mouth, and the growl that rumbled from within me was not one of bloodlust.

I vaguely sensed my family leaving the room to give us privacy, but my attention was focused on Bella as the kiss began to change. She may have been the initiator, but it didn’t take long for her assertiveness to give way to mine. I took control of the kiss with an ease that surprised me. I would have expected to be in more pain, but it was perfectly manageable. I acknowledged the burn in my throat and overruled it in the same thought, and now it was my tongue invading her mouth, my hands exploring her beautiful body.

Bella paused for just long enough to glance around the empty room, and her sexy grin was enough to have me growling again. She rocked her hips forward, exhaling into another kiss. Her hands went to the buttons of my shirt, but I stopped her, gently curling my long fingers around her wrists. Strangely, or perhaps not so strangely, that seemed to excite her more, and the air was suddenly heavy with the scent of her arousal.

My self-control wavered slightly, and I couldn’t help but breathe her in. It wasn’t her blood that called to me now. It was the sweet nectar between her legs. My mouth practically burned with longing to taste her there.

“Bella,” I groaned in desperation.

“Don’t stop,” she whispered back. “Please, don’t stop.”

Her aching need was all too evident in her voice, and every atom of my being felt compelled to meet that need. My mind spun for a fraction of a second, rapidly processing everything I knew about the exchange of power she craved and simultaneously assessing my own state of mind.

Don’t be a coward, I chastised myself. If Bella could be brave enough to trust me after everything that had happened between us, then I could be brave enough for this. I wouldn’t take her innocence. Not here, not like this. But we could explore a little…

I kissed Bella again and cautiously slackened the leash I held on my inner beast. I released her wrists and stood, carrying her to the larger sofa before she could take another breath. In another heartbeat, she was on her back with her wrists once again gathered in my fist and pinned above her head. I hovered over her, tilting her chin upward with the tip of my finger.

Her eyes were wide with surprise at what she perceived to be an instantaneous movement, but there was more than shock in those chocolate orbs. There was need, hope, desire… even desperation. My instincts took over completely as I realized how right she’d been without even knowing it. She needed this, needed me to take the lead. And I needed her.

“Are you going to be a good girl, Isabella?” I crooned softly, letting a deeper timbre seep into my voice as I held her gaze. She gulped and shuddered beneath my touch, her heart breaking into a sprint.

“Yes,” she breathed.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes… Sir?” She framed it as a question, and I smiled, nodding in approval. We hadn’t formally discussed any of this yet, but I didn’t intend to push any real boundaries.

“And if I give you a little of what you need right now, can you be patient for the rest?”

“Yes, Sir.” She moaned into my lips as I rewarded her with another kiss.

“Don’t move your arms.”

I waited for her to agree, then removed her shirt with painstaking care. Every inch of skin I revealed made my heart clench and my pants grow tighter. I let my fingertips skim the center of her chest, hesitating when I reached the front clasp of her bra. I had no practical experience with women’s undergarments, but the concept seemed easy enough, and I was pleased when I managed to open it without ripping the thing.

Bella squirmed a little, and I watched with fascination as her nipples hardened beneath my cool touch. My lips longed to worship them, but I held back, moving down to unbutton her jeans. I wasn’t sure I had the self-control to taste her right now, but I at least wanted to touch her. See all of her. I slipped her pants off slowly, inhaling another lungful of her sweet scent as it permeated the air. My mouth flooded with venom, but I swallowed it back, focusing on her needs rather than my own.

Sweet heaven, she was beautiful. I’d rarely felt so thankful for my enhanced sight as I studied every perfect inch of her. It didn’t matter how many naked women I’d seen, either in the minds of others or in the course of earning my medical degrees… Nothing and no one compared to Bella.

“I wish you could see how perfect you are. How breathtakingly gorgeous…”

I half expected her to argue with my assessment, but to my satisfaction, she merely blushed at my praise. I teased a solitary finger along the slick heat of her cleft, and she gasped, arching her back toward the ceiling.

“Please…”

“Please, what, Isabella?”

“Please, Sir… More… I need more.” She was whispering, and I instinctively knew why.

“I’m the only vampire in the building right now. No one can hear you but me,” I murmured, hovering over her to watch her eyes darken as I slipped my finger into her warmth. “And I very much want to hear you.”

I brushed my thumb against her clit, and her walls began to flutter around my finger. She whimpered and rolled her hips forward, grinding rhythmically against my hand. I kissed my way from her jaw, over the delicate flesh of her throat, and down her chest to the place where her heart was thundering beneath her skin.

“I waited so long to hear this sound again, Isabella. I want to hear every single beat until the last one. Until the moment I can make you mine forever.”

“Edward!”

Bella cried out with her release, trembling and shuddering beneath me as my words pushed her over the edge. I kissed her lips and withdrew my hand slowly from her center, bringing my fingers to my mouth to taste her. Her essence was an explosion on my tongue that almost unmanned me.

“That’s my girl,” I praised, bending to capture her lips again.

She shook in my arms, and I glanced around for a blanket, assuming my touch had chilled her. But she waved me off and reached up to stroke my cheek, her eyes heavy as she watched me.

“Thank you,” she sighed, seeming more relaxed and at peace than I’d ever known her to be. I shook my head with a smile.

“I should be the one thanking you, love.”

“But I didn’t do anything.”

“You gave me your trust. After everything I’ve done to…” I shook my head, not wanting to bring up all the ways I’d hurt her. Failed her. “I didn’t realize how much I’d been craving it too. Craving you. I very nearly came in my pants. In fact, I’m surprised my jeans don’t have a hole in the crotch right now,” I admitted with a nervous laugh. “Was it… okay? I didn’t hurt you? I mean, I obviously have no direct experience, so…”

“It was perfect. A perfect place to start,” Bella smiled, sitting up to wrap her arms around my neck. “And you were right. It’s different with you. The real you, I mean. It’s definitely sexual with you, and that was perfect too. I’ve never felt like that.”

“Well, I don’t need to ask if you enjoyed it, but… Are you okay from a mental perspective? I know we’re still working on rebuilding trust.”

She pressed her lips to mine briefly, reassuring me with a simple touch. I shifted our positions and held her on my lap, loving the knowledge that I’d be covered in her scent. I had half a mind to stay in these clothes for the rest of the weekend.

“It will probably take my subconscious a little more time to trust that you’re truly back for good, but… To hear that you’re willing to let go of your hangups about making me your equal helps more than anything. And with the physical stuff… You were always so cautious before, even when we were only kissing. I understood why you held back, but it did make me worry that I wasn’t enough for you. Now, it really feels like you want me the way I want you…” Her voice thickened with emotion, and I hurried to correct her.

“I’ve always wanted you that way, Bella. And I’ve always thought of you as my equal. I know I haven’t always treated you that way, so I understand why you thought I didn’t. But I swear it to you now. You will never have reason to doubt me again. I’ll never stop regretting the way I behaved. The pain I caused you. Thank you for trusting me with your submission and your safety, even if you can’t entirely trust me with your heart just yet. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Edward.”

“That’s the first time we’ve said the words out loud since…”

“I know. We have all the time in the world to work on us, and I do have faith that we’ll be okay, that we’ll heal. Maybe we won’t be the same as before, but… I think we’ll be stronger.”

We shared a long, lazy kiss that did nothing to help the state of my lingering arousal, but I couldn’t bring myself to pull away until an alert from my phone interrupted us. With a sigh, I glanced briefly at the screen and gave her a rueful smile.

“Carlisle is coming up. Esme ordered some room service for you before she and the others went to hunt. He says they had to drive out of the city a little ways, so they won’t be back for a while.”

“Do we have time to do anything about that?” Bella quipped, eyeing my bulging crotch with a dubious smirk. I grinned back and shook my head. This had been more about her than about me, and I was perfectly content with that.

“I’ll be fine.”

I helped her dress quickly, sneaking the occasional kiss or caress as she made herself presentable, and we looked almost casual sitting on the sofa when Carlisle returned. He was trying to be considerate with his thoughts, but Bella’s scent was everywhere. Particularly on me. The territorial beast I’d only just managed to lock away again strutted proudly within his cage. I was marked with the scent of my mate and she with mine, and it filled me with a primal sort of pleasure.

Carlisle smiled at us with a gleam of pride in his eyes, and I winced just a little. The fact that my father knew we’d had an intimate moment would’ve been embarrassing enough for the seventeen-year-old part of my brain, but hearing the joy in his thoughts was even more so. Carlisle was thrilled that I’d let my walls down enough to achieve any new level of intimacy with Bella. He was also thinking about what advice he could give regarding vampire- human intercourse.

Of all the things for a parent to be proud of…

Chapter 14 Edward

Bella fidgeted next to me, self-consciously adjusting her clothes. I placed a hand over hers and squeezed gently to reassure her.

“It’ll be a little while before your dinner arrives, Bella,” Carlisle announced, hoping his compassionate smile would put her at ease. “Esme ordered pasta for you, but if you’d like to change it, we can call down.”

“No, that sounds great. Thank you,” she replied, and I nodded in approval at Esme’s choice. Bella needed the carbohydrates for energy, and a hearty meal would be good for her.

“We’ll have at least a few hours to ourselves, I should think. They drove up to Wisconsin to hunt.”

“What about you?” Bella asked, looking up at me in concern. “Don’t you both need to hunt too?”

“I’m fine.”

Carlisle gave his own reassurance, but I didn’t miss his mental tone of disagreement. He thought I should have gone hunting as well, but if I had my way, I wouldn’t hunt again until Bella could come with me. I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from her, even for a few hours. I didn’t want to let her out of my sight for an instant.

“We do have a lot to discuss, Bella. If you’re ready.” He waited for her nod of acceptance before continuing, “I know it may be an uncomfortable subject, but I’d be remiss in my duties as a physician and a father if I didn’t ask… Are you truly well? Have you hurt yourself recently?”

“No.”

Her reply was soft, and I wanted to argue that letting others hurt her amounted to the same thing. But I wasn’t sure if she wanted Carlisle knowing about all of that. However, my father’s eyes strayed downward from Bella’s face inquisitively, as though he could sense the faded marks on her skin.

I knew they were there. I’d made a point not to look for them earlier on the couch because I knew the sight of them would make my insides boil with rage. But I’d noticed the slight adjustment of her gait, despite the fact that her bruises were now days old. She was making a subconscious allowance for the residual pain, and Carlisle had noticed it as well.

Perceptive as ever, Bella sighed and rolled her eyes a little before expanding on her single-word answer. She repeated the details she’d shared with me regarding her reaction to my leaving. The searing, hollow pain in her chest, the night terrors, the hallucinations… and the temporary solutions she’d found. Carlisle listened intently, both dismayed and intrigued. It was hard for me to hear it all again, but listening to my father process it in a more objective way did provide some new insights. I also appreciated that he made an effort not to focus on Bella’s recent masochistic tendencies but rather on the symptoms that had led her to seek them out.

I’d been a fool to think we could be apart without dire consequences. I had underestimated her on so many levels.

“The pain in your chest… was it immediate? Was it constant, or did it come and go without the help of those… activities?”

“It was immediate as soon as I regained consciousness.”

“Regained consciousness?!” Both Carlisle and I echoed in alarm. She flinched at our unintentional volume but nodded, addressing me.

“I wasn’t thinking clearly after you… I tried to follow you. I know it was stupid, but I really just… wasn’t thinking. Anyway, I blacked out at some point, and it took them a while to find me. They had search parties out in the woods.” She pursed her lips apologetically at my stricken expression and turned back to Carlisle. “I noticed the pain right after that. It woke me up. There were certain things that made it worse, but very little made it better. And the relief was always short. Time didn’t help either, and eventually I just assumed it was because I’d lost a mate rather than simply a boyfriend.”

I listened to my father’s thoughts as he turned the problem over in his mind, examining it from every angle. He asked her a few more questions and eventually nodded in agreement.

“I think you’re correct, Bella. Your reaction to Edward probably would’ve been different if he’d been a normal human man. What you’re describing is supernatural, and I have to admit that even I didn’t anticipate such a drastic reaction.

“Aside from Rosalie and myself, I haven’t known any other vampires who found their mates as humans. Esme and Emmett were changed so quickly after they came into our lives that there was no time for a true relationship to form while they were human. In regards to you and Edward, I mistakenly assumed the mating bond would be largely one-sided, simply because it’s so strong that a human would have difficulty processing it.

“Clearly, I was wrong about that, and I’m very sorry that you both suffered needlessly. It’s obvious you feel that bond every bit as strongly as Edward does, and his absence might well have triggered an evolution in your shielding ability.”

“How?” Bella asked, frowning in concentration.

“Well… Simply put, a shield is a defense mechanism, and in terms of evolution, those are triggered by environmental threats. We left you with the intent to make you safer, but the danger found you anyway. Even your later protectors were somewhat dangerous to you.”

“I’m well aware. I was almost injured by one of the wolves the day I found out they existed.”

“The first time you hallucinated Edward?” he clarified, and she nodded. I listened to his thoughts race ahead with the thrill of new information. “Would you say it’s possible your physical shield protected you in that moment as well?”

Bella’s eyes widened before glazing slightly as she thought back to that day, and for once, I was glad I couldn’t see inside her mind. The images in her memories probably would have sent me over the edge.

“I’m not sure. Honestly, I never realized that was even possible. I thought I was just lucky and that he hadn’t been close enough to hurt me, but…”

“How close was he?” I asked reluctantly.

“We were inside Charlie’s house. In the living room.”

I shuddered violently, recalling the precise measurements of that tiny room with perfect clarity. I nodded at Carlisle, unable to speak.

“In that case, I think the physical shield is probably quite straightforward,” Carlisle replied thoughtfully. “And the visions were perhaps more of a psychological shield, if you will. They helped you, gave you relief from the emotional pain, even if only temporarily.”

Bella hummed with a nervous little crease between her eyebrows, but before she could respond, there was a knock at the door to the suite. The thoughts coming from the other side of the door told me it was her dinner, so I went to retrieve it. It smelled like muddy rocks marinated in ditchwater, but her stomach growled audibly when I set the dish in front of her. She thanked me with a kiss and dug in, and I sighed happily as I watched her eat, feeling a bit better despite the uncomfortable conversation.

Meanwhile, Carlisle’s mind was still working at the rapid pace I’d come to associate with scientific discovery or the dissection of a complex and mysterious medical case. He was theorizing what her abilities might look like when combined with vampirism. Was her talent truly limited to shielding or could it be broader than that? Perhaps a skill for adaptation? And if that were the case, the possibilities would be practically endless.

“Carlisle,” I said quietly, reclaiming his attention. He apologized in his mind, but I waved it off. “You’re sure there’s no chance the hallucinations aren’t a product of something physical?”

Bella nodded and quickly swallowed a mouthful of fettuccine.

“I would’ve guessed brain tumor,” she shrugged. As much as I doubted that was the case, the thought was unpleasant and had been constantly in the back of my mind. Carlisle smiled indulgently.

“I’m happy to run some tests if you’d like, but I really don’t think they’re necessary. You’ll have to forgive the intrusion, but… Vampire senses are very helpful when it comes to practicing medicine. You’d be surprised what I can detect on my own without imaging or lab work. Other than being slightly undernourished, I don’t sense anything physical about you that concerns me.”

“Good enough for me,” Bella smiled, relaxing visibly. “Besides, even if something is wrong, venom will fix it, right?”

“Correct.”

She glanced back and forth between us expectantly.

“Okay, so… What’s the plan?”

Chapter 15 Bella

“That depends on you,” Edward replied, his features neutral. “I said I would respect your decisions, so… I’m leaving it up to you. But I would like to take some time to discuss it further between the two of us before we start making solid plans, if that’s okay with you.”

I blinked in surprise, still amazed at the one-eighty he’d done in regard to the end of my human life. Among other things. Where was the man who had appointed himself the guardian of my physical safety, my virtue, and my humanity? Not that I’m complaining… I much preferred this more courageous, more tolerant version of him.

“That sounds fine,” I smiled, pleased when his expression warmed with a smile of his own. I glanced down at my mostly empty plate. “I’ll go put this somewhere.”

“Outside in the hallway is fine,” Carlisle advised, eyeing the plate with a slight cringe.

I chuckled, remembering how terrible human food smelled to them, and got up to take care of my mess. I could feel Edward’s eyes on me with every step, and Carlisle actually had to clear his throat to get his attention. Edward mumbled an apology.

“That’s quite all right, son. I thought perhaps it might be a good time for the two of us to speak in private. In one of the bedrooms, perhaps?”

I snuck a peek at Carlisle’s face and didn’t need Edward’s talent to know what kind of ‘private’ discussion he had in mind. This was about sex, and as far as I was concerned, Edward could bite that particular bullet on his own. Figuratively speaking.

“Go ahead,” I encouraged them, returning to the sofa I’d been naked on barely an hour ago.

“I don’t want to leave you,” Edward admitted, looking pained in more ways than one. His eyes swept the room nervously, and I slipped my hand into his.

“I’ll be fine. I promise not to leave or do anything dangerous,” I joked. My attempt to lighten his mood went nowhere.

It was hard to see him look at me that way. Like he was terrified I’d disappear in a puff of smoke if he took his eyes off me. I wouldn’t have minded having him at my side every second for the rest of eternity, but we both still had responsibilities. Not only would there be things we’d need to settle before I could be changed, but at some point he would have to hunt whether he wanted to or not.

Suddenly, however, Edward relaxed and looked toward the door expectantly. A few seconds later, Alice walked in, her eyes now a rich, vibrant gold.

“There, see? Alice can sit with me while you talk to Carlisle. We need to catch up anyway.”

He nodded and stood, taking a moment to pull me into a tight embrace. I smoothed my hands over the hard planes of his back and leaned up to kiss his cheek. He gave me the crooked smile I’d missed so much and captured my lips for a proper kiss.

“Okay, Edward, shoo!” Alice admonished. “You and Bella have had enough alone time for now, judging by the--”

“Stop talking,” Edward scowled in her direction, and I patted his chest soothingly.

“It’s okay. Go to talk to Carlisle. I’ll be here.”

I watched him disappear behind the closed door of one of the bedrooms before allowing myself to sink back into the sofa. As much as I’d have liked the opportunity to reflect on the day in private, I’d missed Alice too much to ask her to leave. She was watching me with an expression I couldn’t quite decipher, and for the first time since I’d walked into their hotel room, I took a moment to study the girl who had so quickly become my best friend.

She looked the same, and yet she didn’t. She was still dressed in designer clothing with her hair artfully spiked, but the aura of manic excitement that usually surrounded her was absent. Her honey-gold eyes were bright with concern, and she was more subdued than I’d ever seen her without Jasper at her side. I could see now that the hug Alice had tried to give me hadn’t been driven by her usual over-eager exuberance but by something else. Worry, fear, anxiety, love… I’d been in close proximity to her for a good two hours before she’d left to hunt, and not once had she brought up shopping or makeovers.

“Are you okay?” I asked cautiously. Alice gave me a muted smile, but the worry didn’t leave her eyes as she lowered herself cautiously onto the sofa next to me.

“It’s hard not to keep hugging you. I missed you so much.”

I gave her a half smile and opened my arms toward her, initiating the hug this time. We held each other for a long moment before Alice spoke again.

“I’m so, so sorry for leaving. Especially without saying goodbye. I didn’t want to, but Edward was adamant and so screwed up that it was freaking Jasper out. I told Edward to go fuck himself, but whatever he was feeling had Jazz coming down on his side. He actually picked me up and ran with me. I couldn’t… fight him. He’s my mate, and I couldn’t hurt him.”

I nodded slowly in understanding, unable to imagine ever doing anything to intentionally hurt Edward. Alice took one of my hands lightly in hers and gazed at me with shimmering amber eyes.

“Please say you’ll forgive me. I never stopped looking for you, no matter what Edward said about it. But things got blurry very soon after we left. It was like sometimes you were perfectly clear, but then your future would disappear completely with no visible trigger. I didn’t see what happened to Charlie, didn’t see Victoria or her newborns… None of it. Things changed a little in February of last year, though.”

“That wasn’t long after I moved here. How did it change?”

“By that point, I’d pretty much stopped seeing you at all, but starting in February, I got a few brief glimpses here and there. I could tell you were somewhere I’d never been, but the details were…” She trailed off, looking intensely uncomfortable.

“Were what?” I pressed, frowning. What had she seen that had put that very un-Alice-like expression on her face?

“The visions were very poorly defined. Like a picture out of focus. But I saw enough to know you’ve been up to some… interesting things.” The blood drained from my face, and I instinctively knew what she meant. But she kept going, not quite meeting my eyes. “You’re usually naked. You look like you’ve been drugged or something, and you’re never alone. I can’t see the details of who’s with you or exactly where you are, but… I can tell the stranger is hurting you. And you aren’t fighting back or trying to get away.”

I cringed in embarrassment. I wasn’t ashamed of my lifestyle, but it still wasn’t something I would’ve invited Alice or anyone else to see. Oh God…

“Has Edward seen those visions?”

Now it was Alice who winced.

“I’ve tried to block them from him, but some images have found their way through. Didn’t he ask you about it?”

“Yes. And he knows pretty much everything at this point, but… I’m sure it hurt him to see that,” I replied sadly, glancing at the closed door that separated us now.

Of course, both Edward and Carlisle could hear our conversation perfectly well, but I’d pretty much accepted the loss of my privacy when I’d decided to let the Cullens back into my life. If I was going to be one of them soon, that was just part of the deal. Everyone knew everything about everyone. In one way, it was oddly comforting. I’d hated the veil of secrecy Edward had kept between us those first few months after we’d met. Sure, having no secrets was bound to get embarrassing, especially after a few decades of living with seven vampires, but I’d already made my peace with that. It was what it was, as Charlie would’ve said.

“Okay, so… What’s going on?” Alice persisted, apparently a little irritated by my brief loss of focus.

“Well… I’m not sure why you would’ve been able to see me only at those moments.”

Except… If it’s really because of a shield, like Carlisle said, maybe it has more to do with my state of mind.

“Subspace,” I murmured unthinkingly. Alice looked even more confused, which was not something I was used to seeing on her face.

“What?”

“It sounds like you were seeing me while I was in subspace. Think of it as… a form of meditation. I’m guessing that being in that state of mind allowed my shield or whatever to pull back enough that you were able to see me,” I explained. If that were the case, then at least she hadn’t seen too many visions of me like that. True subspace wasn’t easy to reach, and it hadn’t happened often for me. I had usually been able to achieve my hallucinations without it.

Alice immediately began firing off more questions. Very specific questions about what I’d been doing and why. I tried to answer them as politely and honestly as I could without revealing too many intimate details.

“But you’re done with that now, right? Edward is back, and he has no intention of leaving.”

“Can you see that?” I asked, nervous despite the trust I’d already begun to regain.

“Kind of. Since I can’t see you, anyone in proximity to you is pretty much in the dark too. He’s decided to stay with you indefinitely, so his future is blank too,” she frowned, clearly uncomfortable with the blindness. “Which means you don’t need to… do those things… anymore.”

The look on her face almost made me laugh, but I managed to quell the urge. I couldn’t remember the last time she looked so serious, aside from during the whole James debacle. Surely this part of my personal life wasn’t that dire.

“For the most part, yes,” I hedged. “It’s complicated and really personal, Alice. We can talk more about it sometime, but right now, I’m just…”

“Tired,” she smiled. “I don’t need to be a psychic to see how exhausted you are. Esme’s really looking forward to feeding you up, by the way. I had to talk her out of ordering a double portion for your dinner.”

I chuckled and relished the pleasant warmth that came with having someone around to care about whether or not I ate or slept enough. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed that.

“So, since I can’t see properly,” Alice began, a bit testily but still smiling, “When are you joining the family officially?” I lifted my brows in surprise.

“I don’t know yet.”

“But soon, right? I mean we’ve all waited long enough to be a family. You belong with us. You always have.”

I returned her brilliant smile and squeezed her hand in thanks, my throat tightening with unexpected emotion.

“Edward and I still have some things to discuss where that’s concerned, but… Soon.”

The sooner the better.

Chapter 16 Edward

I did my best to ignore the conversation taking place in the sitting room, which was turning out to be nearly as awkward as the one I’d been having. Carlisle and I had discussed Bella’s affinity for power exchange in fairly blunt terms, and for once, I was glad he was looking at the situation like a scientist and not like a father.

“How can I know for certain that it’s safe for us to have sex at all? Domination definitely seems to help with my control, but I’m still terrified of doing real damage,” I admitted. Actually, I was in a moderate state of disbelief that Bella and I had managed as well as we had earlier. It almost felt too easy.

As usual when we were alone, Carlisle replied only in his thoughts. It was the closest thing to a private conversation we could have while others were in earshot.

How is your bloodlust around her now? Just in general. She’s still your singer, but you don’t seem to be in pain the way you once were in her presence.

“There’s no bloodlust anymore. She smells the same, and I still feel the burn. But not the instinct to hunt or drink. It just doesn’t affect me that way. It’s like my brain instinctively shies away from any course of action that would take her from me.”

Incredible.

“Yes, but my strength is still a factor. And… sexual lust. I wanted her before, but…”

It’s stronger now?

“Exponentially.”

Carlisle considered that for a moment, and I followed his thoughts. Would you say you feel more desperation to claim her? I nodded.

“It’s overwhelming at times,” I added, thinking of the primal pleasure I’d felt knowing I was marked with her scent. Even now, that more primitive part of myself was strutting in satisfaction that Carlisle could smell it. It would’ve been embarrassing if I hadn’t been sure he completely understood the instinct from personal experience.

But the urge was slightly calmed by her submission? he asked silently. I thought about that, mentally replaying our intimate time together.

“A little. I still desired her, of course, but her surrender eased the desperation a little.”

Because she was giving her mate what he needed at the time. I frowned slightly in speculation, and he went on. Think of it this way. Imagine you’re having a moment when you’re feeling that desperation, and instead of submitting to your desire, she tried to push you away or even tried to run from you.

The idea immediately stirred an overpowering wave of possessiveness in my chest, and the need to claim Bella became almost stronger than my need for blood. I was halfway out of my seat to go to her when Carlisle spoke.

“Stop, Edward.” I pivoted back to face him and swallowed a warning growl. What the hell was wrong with me? “I think that proves my point.” Sit down, son.

I wanted to open the door to check on Bella, but I consoled myself with the sound of her heartbeat and her beautiful voice, answering Alice’s questions about her unique choice of emotional pain relief.

I think you should go with it, Carlisle thought, and I quirked a brow at him in surprise. Mind your control, of course, but I’m interested to see how it goes. I’ve never considered using power exchange in that manner before, but from a psychological perspective, it does make sense. He paused to smile at me. I’m proud of you, son.

My face contorted with incredulity, and I could see myself through his eyes. My expression made it clear I didn’t believe myself worthy of his pride. But I also saw myself as he saw me. He thought I was strong and compassionate and selfless. A good man.

You made a mistake, Edward. A bad decision fueled by the best of intentions. And now you’re doing everything in your power to correct it. You’ve apologized and begun to make amends. That takes a great deal of strength. Not only that, but you’ve opened your mind and begun to accept that Bella knows what’s best for herself. You listened to her talk about souls with more tolerance than you’ve ever shown me in eighty years of debates on the subject.

You’ve also proven that you’re willing to adapt your behavior to fit Bella’s needs. To try something new and perhaps a little uncomfortable for you because she feels she needs it. Vampires rarely change, but the fact that you can even consider doing this proves that she is indeed your mate. And you’re singularly devoted to her happiness, which is precisely how it should be.

How could I not be proud of you?

I was humbled by his praise as well as his pride, but my perpetual teenage stubborn streak pushed me to argue at least a little.

“I hurt her so much,” I whispered brokenly. “I don’t deserve her forgiveness.”

If the roles were reversed, would you forgive her? Would you take her back?

“Of course.”

Then you have your answer. Your connection as mates is equally strong for both of you. Bella’s nature is one of acceptance and forgiveness, but personally, I’m glad she’s been able to speak so openly about her feelings. She was right when she said we all broke her trust, and we all need to earn it back. I don’t doubt that we will, but to hear her stand up for herself like that was truly wonderful. Despite everything that’s happened to her, she has matured into a very strong young woman. She’ll make an exceptional vampire and a perfect addition to our family.

I nodded in agreement, having no difficulty accepting such accolades about Bella.

“We haven’t talked about technicalities yet, but… I want to change her myself.”

You think you can handle it now that her blood doesn’t hold the same power over you.

“Yes. But I do want you nearby. Just in case.”

Of course, Carlisle smiled, genuinely happy to finally be completing our family. Talk to Bella and get an idea of a timeframe. We can make arrangements as soon as she’s ready.

Chapter 17 Bella

As much as I appreciated the Cullens’ eagerness to spend time with me and make amends, I’d insisted on returning to my apartment to sleep on Saturday evening. I’d needed time to process everything, and the conversations Edward and I still needed to have were best done in private. We’d left with a promise to touch base with them by Monday, since I was determined to convince Edward to hunt while I was at work.

To my immense surprise, I’d slept soundly in Edward’s arms that night without the aid of my sleeping pills, and I woke Sunday morning with more energy than I’d felt in a year and a half.

“You look better,” my angel said with a satisfied smile. It was incredible to be able to think of him that way again without a surge of pain following the thought.

“I feel better.”

Edward bent to brush his lips against mine, and I curled into him appreciatively. Our kisses were slow and unhurried, one blending into the next until I lost all sense of time. When at last he pulled away, I felt a small wave of dizziness as the oxygen returned to my brain.

“I wish we could do this all day,” I sighed, kissing his smiling face just once more.

“Do you need to be somewhere?”

“No, but I do at least need to make sure I have clean clothes for work tomorrow.”

“You didn’t notice the suitcase Alice shoved into the trunk last night, then?”

I blinked in surprise and followed the direction of his gaze toward the door. Sure enough, a carry-on size suitcase was resting against the wall.

“Apparently not. You’d think she’d be less… Alice… without her ability.”

“Just because she lost the ability to see your future doesn’t mean she lost her love of shopping. And she has other sources of information.”

“Oh?”

“Mmhmm,” he murmured, pressing his cool lips to my forehead. “What the internet couldn’t tell us, Jasper managed to dig up through… other means.”

“I’d say I’m afraid to ask, but other than the whips and chains stuff, there’s really nothing interesting for him to find.” I caught him wincing at my colorful language and instantly regretted it. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. And you’re right… There wasn’t much else to find, but they did learn where you work. I have to say, after watching you struggle with trig and calculus, I wouldn’t have pictured you working in an accountant’s office.”

“Tell me about it,” I laughed. “I’m just a receptionist, though. Nothing fancy.”

“Do you like it?”

“It pays the bills. Nice people, predictable hours. But I won’t mind walking away from it.”

“And you plan on walking away from it… soon?” Edward asked, his eyes both hesitant and hopeful.

“Well, that depends on our timeline. I only need the job if I’m living here and… you know, eating human food.”

He nodded thoughtfully, and I was pleased at his lack of argument. Talk about refreshing.

“What about school? I’ve been meaning to ask about that too. Your grades were perfect, but you were only enrolled for one semester. Was there an issue with financial aid?”

I shook my head at the depth of Jasper’s snooping, picturing his pixie- like mate hovering over his shoulder as they read my transcripts.

“No, money wasn’t really the problem,” I sighed, remembering the day I’d decided not to register for more classes. “The money from Charlie’s life insurance and selling the house covered the funeral arrangements and debts, and I had enough left over to pay for school if I was careful and didn't use it for anything else."

"So, why did you drop out? Did you plan to go back?"

“Yes. Eventually. I managed to finish that one semester, but my heart just… wasn’t in it. It wasn’t in anything, really. I may have gotten good grades, but I was still a zombie. I could feel how little it would take for me to burn out, and it made me sick to think of letting Charlie down like that. I figured I’d go back when I was in a better state of mind.”

Edward was silent for what seemed like a very long time before he spoke again.

“Why Chicago?”

“You know why,” I replied quietly, holding his amber gaze with a rueful smile. “I did consider Alaska, but I didn’t think I could handle that kind of cold. This was the only other place I knew of that held some meaningful connection for you. I even looked up your human family not long after I moved here,” I admitted. Edward looked genuinely surprised at that.

“Really?”

“Yeah. There wasn’t much to go on, but I did find your old house. I’ve walked by it a few times.”

“I still own it. There are tenants living there now.”

That made me smile as I remembered the picturesque Victorian home I’d stood and admired for longer than I cared to admit. It had either been kept in pristine condition or been skillfully restored to its original state, because it had been all too easy to picture a young, bronze-haired boy playing in the front yard or reading on the porch.

“I’m glad you were able to hold onto it.”

“Me too,” he agreed, watching me intently as he stroked a single finger over my cheekbone. “If you ever wanted to buy Charlie’s house back--”

“No,” I shook my head adamantly. “I don’t… I can’t set foot in that place ever again. I sold it for emotional reasons, not just financial ones. Once the house was paid off and the debts were settled, I wanted to leave and never look back. I just needed a…”

My breath froze in my chest, and the words died on my tongue. A clean break. Edward’s topaz eyes seemed to read me all too well, but I shook my head again, silently pleading with him not to finish my sentence out loud. I didn’t want to hear those words in that lovely voice ever again.

“Let’s discuss something else,” I suggested, trying to shake off the momentary gloom. “When can we leave the city for my change? We’ll have to go somewhere remote for a while, right?”

He stiffened slightly but kept his voice even and his face neutral.

“For at least the first year, yes. Newborn vampires are very volatile. You’ll be stronger than any of us for a little while, and it will take you some time to learn to manage your thirst.”

“And whatever my ability turns into,” I mused aloud. “Where will we go?”

“We have a number of homes in remote locations that would be suitable. We’ll have to ask Esme which of them are ready and which would need work. So… Where we go depends on how soon you want to leave.”

“I don’t want to wait.”

My response was quick and certain, but Edward’s took longer. Despite his newfound willingness to support my desire to be changed, I could tell he was still troubled by the idea. That made me a little nervous, but I no longer feared he would leave me. He’d proven his ability to compromise, and I trusted him to keep his word. Even if he ended up deciding he wasn’t strong enough to turn me himself, I didn’t doubt that Carlisle would be willing to step in.

Edward exhaled deeply and gave me the crooked smile I loved so much.

“In that case… We can go whenever you’re ready. Since most of us have been living separately, it shouldn’t take long to get things settled. Other than providing your employer with notice of your resignation, are there any other loose ends to tie up?”

“Not really.” My thoughts went immediately to my mother, and I wondered how many years would pass before she would realize she hadn’t seen me in person since I was eighteen. Five years? Ten? “I always imagined we’d have to fake my death somehow, but will we actually need to do that?”

“Eventually, yes. We can come up with some cover story for now so no one reports you missing, but at some point…”

“Right,” I shrugged. “Too bad I won’t be able to transfer my credits when I’m finally ready to go back to school. Not that I won’t have an eternity to go to college. But I assume I’ll need to use a different name for at least a few years. Maybe longer if the pack tries to cause problems…”

“The Quileutes?” Edward frowned, his eyes darkening slightly. “You said you were no longer in contact with any of them.”

“I’m not, but when I go ‘missing’ or turn up ‘dead’ or whatever, word is bound to get back to Forks eventually. The longer we can delay that, the better, but they might still be suspicious enough to investigate. That treaty of yours says you can’t bite a human, and they won’t care that it happens outside of their territory. We wouldn’t ever be able to go back, but if their theories about themselves are correct, we should stay away regardless.”

“What theories?”

“They think the ability to shapeshift is triggered by the presence of vampires,” I explained, and his brows rose in surprise. I could tell he was alarmed by the idea. “You didn’t know?”

“No.”

“Their legends support that theory, and if it’s true, then we’d trigger it in future generations just by being there. And as proud as they are of their heritage, it disrupts their lives and puts the people around them in unnecessary danger.” I shook my head sadly, remembering the scarred face of the alpha’s imprint as well as my own close call with Jacob.

“Carlisle will be interested to hear that theory,” Edward replied thoughtfully. “And we’ll certainly keep it in mind when making plans in the future.” His pensive expression suddenly gave way to another beautiful smile as he continued, “I have to say… I love that you’re already talking as though you’re one of us. I like it more than I thought I would.”

“Well, that’s what I’ll be, right?” I grinned back and kissed his lips lightly, letting my hand roam the perfect contours of his bicep. “Soon?”

He captured my lips in a much longer kiss before moving down to my neck, and I shuddered with longing when he breathed his reply against the sensitive skin of my collarbone.

“Soon.”

Chapter 18 Bella

Edward and I spent most of Sunday in bed, but I insisted he leave town to hunt while I was at work on Monday. He was adamantly opposed to letting me out of his sight even for a few minutes, much less the amount of time necessary for a successful hunt, but his family had intervened. Edward had grudgingly agreed to go only after he’d extracted promises from both Emmett and Jasper to guard me in his absence. The idea of vampire babysitters made me want to roll my eyes, but I didn’t argue.

I put in my notice that day, and my boss took the news surprisingly well. Since tax season had just ended, one of the temporary seasonal employees he’d hired would be able to fill my position immediately, which meant Wednesday would be my last day of work.

We spent Monday evening at the hotel with the Cullens, making plans and debating where I would spend my first year as a vampire. I was relieved to find that things were already starting to feel normal with them. While I wasn’t the same naive, reserved teenage girl I, being in their presence still felt natural. Like home. The bonds I’d formed with them back in Forks were still there, and although we were still working on mending those relationships, I could already tell that, once rebuilt, they would be stronger than ever. Even Rosalie seemed to be making an effort to include me, and it made me optimistic that someday she might truly accept me as a sister.

Tuesday and Wednesday passed quickly, with my guardian angel keeping watch on my office building from behind the heavily tinted windows of his rented luxury car. At the end of my final workday, I bid farewell to my coworkers and smiled contentedly as Edward drove us back to my apartment.

Within minutes after we’d walked through the door, my phone chimed with an incoming text, and I read the message with a frown. Fuck. How had I forgotten about Malcolm? It was a stupid question, since I had a hard time focusing on anything other than Edward when he was nearby, but the thought gave way to another of equal concern. Malcolm wasn’t the only person who’d slipped my mind.

“Is everything okay?” Edward asked, flying to my side at vampire speed when I didn’t answer him immediately. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing… Well, something. I just realized I haven’t heard from Jillian since Friday evening.”

“That’s unusual?”

“Very. Normally, we text a few times a day.”

I scrolled through my messages to make sure I hadn’t overlooked anything, feeling wretchedly guilty. My calls went straight to voicemail, and I left an anxious message on the third attempt, begging her to let me know she was okay. When I ended the call and returned to the Messages screen, Malcolm’s name drew my attention again. Judging by the low growl that rumbled from Edward’s chest, he’d seen it as well.

“Um… It’s Wednesday,” I said hesitantly, avoiding his gaze. “I’d forgotten about it, but he’ll be expecting me at the club in a few hours. I’ll go and expl- -”

“Absolutely not.”

I looked up at him quickly, startled by his tone and the angry expression on his face, and I realized he must have misunderstood my intentions.

“Just to tell him our arrangement is over,” I clarified.

“That can be done with a phone call. You’re not going back to that… place.” The disgust I could hear in his voice irritated me, and despite all of the progress we’d made in communicating better, I couldn’t conceal my frustration.

“That place was the only thing that provided me with any comfort for the past year. And Malcolm deserves the courtesy of a face-to-face conversation.” Edward’s growl grew louder, but I ignored it. “He was there for me, and he gave me what I needed even if he didn’t really understand what that was. He always, always respected my limits and never once made me feel guilty for not being able to give more. Most Doms would have flat out refused to engage with a sub who didn’t consent to anything sexual, but he never judged me for it.”

Edward began to pace the small room at vampire speed, and I tried to track his movements. I could sense his agitation perfectly well, but even with his rapid pacing, I could see a different side of him than the Edward I’d known in Forks. His vampire instincts were probably telling him to destroy something or to kidnap me and keep me all to himself. Not that I would’ve had a problem with the latter… But I appreciated how hard he was trying to quell those urges and stay in control, and I felt myself softening reluctantly.

“Why don’t you just come with me?” I asked, hoping a compromise would soothe him. He stopped abruptly and turned to look at me with narrowed eyes. “I know you won’t like what you hear in his thoughts, but it’ll be a quick conversation. And then you’ll never have to see or hear from him again.”

He seemed to be considering my words and relaxing in minute increments, so I kept talking.

“Plus, Jillian should be working tonight too, so I can check on her. And you can meet her properly. You’ll be at my side the whole time, so I’ll be perfectly safe.”

Edward gazed back at me with conflicted eyes, but he eventually breathed a sigh of resignation and nodded in agreement. I smiled and tugged him toward the bed, urging him to sit with me. He was clearly unhappy about the situation, but his willingness to compromise on this issue was another point in his favor.

To my relief, he pulled me onto his lap and kissed me with surprising force, apparently having decided to put his unvented energy to good use. I moaned into his lips as I straddled him and curled my limbs around his torso. The granite length of his manhood was pressing against my center, and it was all I could do not to grind my hips downward.

“Bella,” he rasped, forcing himself to pull back with visible difficulty. His eyes were black with arousal. “I want to discuss your… needs… a bit more. As far as all of that goes. And your limits.”

I drew in a shuddering breath and managed to climb off his lap. It took me a moment to gather my thoughts and slow my pulse to a healthier rate. We’d touched on this subject a few times since the incident in his family’s hotel suite, but there were still things we hadn’t yet addressed.

“Well, my limits with you are completely different than the ones I had with… others. I can show you the list I had, if you’d like. But there are only a few things I intend to keep on that list when submitting to you, and I don’t think they’re things you would be interested in anyway.”

Edward nodded stiffly, and I could tell he was still trying to restrain himself. The energy between us seemed to be constantly evolving and gaining momentum. It grew in waves, like a tide that never fully receded, and each new crest of intensity brought us higher, closer. I knew it wouldn’t be long before those waves overtook us completely, and the thought made my heart flutter with anticipation.

“If I understand the process correctly, there’s a period of negotiation involved,” Edward said hesitantly. His features were slightly nervous, and his still-dark gaze was calculating.

“Traditionally, yes,” I frowned curiously. “Do you have concerns?”

“Not concerns so much as stipulations. Well, just one stipulation. I wouldn’t expect you to submit to me in any way outside of our… intimate moments. But I’d like to implement a rule that would stand at all times.”

I couldn’t contain my surprise at his words, nor could I deny the sudden wetness between my thighs. Especially since I was sure he could smell it. But while part of me was turned on by the idea of submitting to him in new ways, another part was wary.

“Rules?”

“Just one rule. That you put your own safety first at all times. No matter what.”

Well, I probably should’ve seen that one coming.

“Seems pretty simple,” I replied, still cautious as I stared back at his perfect face. His hesitation had faded to make way for a unique sort of confidence I recognized all too easily.

“Yes and no. It breaks down into a lot of different things. Taking better care of yourself, taking better safety precautions… No unnecessary risks. No self-harm.”

“I don’t need that anymore,” I assured him quickly.

“Then it should be easy to avoid. But you know it’s more than that. No more walking or taking the train alone at night. No skipping meals or sleep…”

“I won’t need to worry about any of that for much longer.”

“I know,” Edward nodded. “And after you’re changed, there will be different guidelines, but the overall rule will remain. I know sometimes it will seem like I’m being an ogre about it, but… I can’t think clearly unless I know you’re safe. I need that from you.”

I was dazzled into silence by the intensity in his eyes, which had finally returned to that warm butterscotch tone I loved. I could still see a hint of nervousness in them as well, as though he feared I might refuse him. Silly vampire. How could he think for a moment that I would ever refuse to give him something he needs?

“You have my word,” I said softly, and his face lit up with a smile of relief. But I held up a finger in warning. “I promise to do my best to follow that rule, but… You can’t use it against me. You can’t use it as an excuse to buy me an armored car or keep me caged in some fortress for my own safety. And my tendency to attract danger hasn’t changed, so I won’t always be able to avoid it.”

“Oh, trust me, I’m fully aware,” he grinned teasingly. “Your stubborn streak hasn’t changed much either, so I have no doubt you’ll challenge me on this more than once.” I couldn’t help but smirk in response.

“Probably.”

Edward captured my lips in another long, perfect kiss, but I managed to extract myself before we got carried away again. I glanced at the microwave clock and sighed ruefully.

“We should get ready to go.”

His jaw clenched a bit, but he didn’t argue as I rose from the bed and reached for my phone. I sent Malcolm a brief text to say that I was unable to do a scene this evening but still wanted to talk to him at the club. His response was immediate and concerned, but I put him off with a promise to explain in person. We agreed to meet at nine, which was less than an hour from now.

It took me a little while to decide what to wear. In the past, I’d chosen moderately revealing outfits that hadn’t made me stand out amongst the club’s other patrons. There were always girls who wore far less as well as one or two who dressed a little more conservatively. But tonight would be different. Very different. I was going for a conversation rather than a scene, and Edward would be with me the whole time.

I eventually settled on a pair of snug black jeans and a blood-red tank top with thin straps. The shirt had embroidered detail accenting the low neckline, but it wasn’t nearly as daring as some of the dresses I’d worn there in the past. Still, I felt attractive as I brushed out my hair and put on a little makeup before slipping into a strappy pair of heels. At the very least, the woman in the mirror looked like someone who wouldn’t seem too out of place at Edward’s side.

As though the thought had summoned him, he was instantly behind me, glaring at my reflection with a mixture of disapproval and lust. I gasped when he pulled me against him and pressed his hard length into my backside.

“You’re exquisite,” he groaned low into my ear, his arms tightening around my waist. “But I hate the idea of anyone else seeing you like this. You’re mine.”

“Yes. You’re the only one who gets to touch me. Ever.”

“Damn right,” he said fervently, and I smiled as he pressed his lips to my bare shoulder.

“It’s just for tonight. Then we won’t have to go back there ever again. Unfortunately, I’ll stand out more if I don’t dress up just a little.”

Edward growled against my skin, his kisses becoming more like tiny nips as he inhaled my scent greedily. It amazed me how far we’d come from the bloodthirsty vampire doing everything in his power to resist the call of his singer. I knew the scent of my blood still caused him pain, but now he seemed to welcome it. My knees shook as I felt his cool tongue trace the length of my neck.

“Edward… My panties aren’t going to last long if you keep doing that.”

“Keep talking like that, and we won’t be setting foot outside this apartment for a solid week.”

“Is that a challenge?” I grinned deviously.

“Make that a month.”

I giggled and forced myself to pull away from him, only mildly surprised that he allowed me to do so. I reached out to take his hand and tugged him toward the door.

“We can continue this later.”

Chapter 19 Edward

Every inch of my body was tense with the onslaught of sexual thoughts and images that assaulted me as I led Bella into the club. After almost a century of being a telepath, there was virtually nothing I hadn’t heard in the minds of those around me, human or otherwise. But until a few nights ago, I’d never sought out a place like this.

I would never complain about hormonal high school students again.

Seeing Bella here last week had been difficult. I’d heard the lascivious thoughts of multiple men--and women--focused on her, and I’d listened to her former Dominant visualize and plan a scene that would involve hurting her. Fortunately, the experience had been brief due to Bella’s decision to leave early.

But being here with her now wasn’t just difficult. It was torture. I forced myself to appear calm and impassive, to embody that commanding presence everyone expected to see in a Dominant at a place like this. I prowled through the club like a lion protecting his mate, warding off the attentions of anyone who might try to hurt her or steal her away.

Every second was an inner battle against the urge to sweep Bella into my arms and get her as far from here as possible. I refused to stop touching her. If I wasn’t holding her hand, I was resting mine against the small of her back or wrapping my arm possessively around her slender waist.

We didn’t bother checking our coats since we wouldn’t be here long, and I stopped just short of instructing her to leave hers on rather than drape it over her forearm. The tempting expanse of bare skin revealed by her tank top gleamed under the tinted lights like a beacon, drawing the eye of everyone in the room as we entered.

I twitched in discomfort as the covetous thoughts of multiple patrons sought to undermine my self-control. A few were looking at me, but most were focused on my mate. They’d seen her here before, and they wanted her. It took a Herculean effort not to snarl at each one of them. Or dismember them. Or both.

Bella.

I turned toward the sound of her name in a man’s thoughts, and my eyes quickly settled upon one of the more secluded corner booths where Malcolm was watching us with a frown of concern. I pushed the other mental voices away to focus on his, and I was surprised and slightly mollified to hear the tenor of his thoughts.

Bella had been right. He respected her. He found her attractive but knew her boundaries and kept himself in check. He was concerned for her well- being, but I heard no trace of possessiveness as Bella and I approached his table.

Damn. And I really wanted to hate him, I sighed ruefully. Of course, I certainly hated that he’d seen her naked, but I couldn’t deny that Malcolm’s intentions toward her were as honorable as I could have hoped. The fact that my danger-magnet mate had wandered into a place like this and not fallen prey to a sexual predator was nothing short of miraculous.

“Bella,” Malcolm acknowledged with a nod as he stood to greet us. His eyes performed a quick examination of Bella’s body before resting curiously upon me. She glanced between us nervously before sliding into the booth, and we followed suit.

“Hi. I’m sorry about last week. I didn’t mean to worry you. Thank you for meeting me… out here,” she said awkwardly. “This is Edward. Edward, this is Malcolm.”

I kept my expression neutral, and I could see him trying to do the same even as his thoughts raced at the sound of my name. He was remembering his first conversation with Bella, and my chest ached at the image of my sweet girl looking so lost and broken. Malcolm had asked her why she was interested in sadomasochism, and although she hadn’t been overly forthcoming on that occasion, he’d gradually pieced things together in the months that had followed.

“This is the guy who fucked you over?” he asked her bluntly. Bella winced.

“The situation is complicated.”

“And part of that complication is that you’re letting him back into your life.”

Again, he recalled how desolate she’d been when they’d first met, and this time, I couldn’t completely hide my reaction. I closed my eyes briefly, absorbing the pain and shame of my past actions. Malcolm continued to regard me with a mixture of mistrust and disdain, but I forced myself to remain silent. There was no defense I could make against his assumptions because it was all true. I’d hurt her. I’d ‘fucked her over.’ And there was no excuse for my behavior.

“Edward and I are together, yes,” Bella nodded, her voice steady and confident. Her tone held no ill will toward him, and her features were patient and polite. “I’m ending our arrangement, and I wanted to give you the courtesy of telling you in person.”

“I don’t like it,” Malcolm frowned.

“You don’t have to. It’s not your decision. But…” her expression softened kindly. “Thank you for your concern.”

I wasn’t the only one who noticed that she was making a point to look him in the eye. Malcolm compared this version of Bella with the one in his memory. Her eyes had always been respectfully lowered or averted, and neither of us missed the significance of the change. She was showing him that she was no longer his submissive.

Malcolm sighed in resignation, continuing to watch her with genuine concern in his thoughts. He briefly considered challenging her, but he recognized the familiar set of her jaw. It was the same determination he’d seen numerous times, when he knew she was nearing her limit but still begging for more pain.

I couldn’t help the growl that reverberated in my chest, and I had to remind myself for the thousandth time that Bella had consented to it. She had asked this man to hurt her. The idea of it still made my gut churn with revulsion. Never again.

Malcolm shook his head but stood up from the table and waited for us to stand as well. Once Bella was on her feet, he reached out to shake her hand.

“I guess this is it, then. Good luck, Bella.”

“Thank you,” she replied softly, leaning back into my chest. Malcolm looked at me then, his eyes carrying a hint of warning.

“Take better care of her this time. She deserves to be happy.”

He walked away without waiting for a response, and Bella released a sigh of relief.

“Well, that could have gone worse.”

I managed to nod, still struggling to cope with the images I’d seen in Malcolm’s mind. The thoughts of the other patrons buzzed in my head like a swarm of angry bees, and I wanted nothing more than to escape.

“Let’s get out of here,” I all but begged. But Bella shook her head as she scanned the large room.

“I haven’t seen Jillian, but she’s supposed to be here. Maybe she’s sick or something. The owner’s over there. I’ll ask him if he’s heard from her.”

I followed her gaze to the bar area, or at least what would have been a bar if this were a typical dance club. There was no alcohol, but other drinks were being served, and about half of the barstools were occupied.

“Let’s make it quick, then,” I nodded, escorting her to the bar with my hand once again pressed to the base of her spine.

A balding man in his early fifties stood with his arms crossed, hungrily watching the swaying ass of a young waitress as she filled drink orders and delivered them to the customers. When Bella caught his attention, his eyes immediately went to her chest, and his thoughts were repugnant. My self- control weakened a little further, but he was too busy ogling my mate to notice my warning glare.

“Where’s Jillian?” Bella asked, raising her voice to be heard over the music.

“That’s what I’d like to know,” the creep replied sanctimoniously. “She’s missed her last two shifts.”

“Did you report it to anyone?”

“Like who? She’s a no-show. What’s to report?”

“It’s not like her not to call,” she frowned, growing visibly more concerned and confused. “Doesn’t she have an emergency contact on file?” The odious man smirked at her.

“Do you?”

“She’s an employee,” Bella huffed. “Surely the rules are different. When was she here last?”

“Saturday night.”

“And did she scene after her shift?”

“How the fuck should I know?” he shrugged, and I caught a flash of his activities from the evening in question.

He’d been occupied in his office with a woman who wasn’t his wife or his partner, and now his eyes had returned to Bella’s chest. He was imagining her in the woman’s place, bare-breasted as he ejaculated all over her. I snarled low in my chest, and Bella squeezed my hand, urging patience.

“If she used one of the rooms, there should be a record of it, Lou.”

“I said I don’t know,” he spat in irritation. “What’s with all the fuckin’ questions? Who told you you could come into my place and fuckin’ interrogate me? Malcolm’s done a shit job of teaching you your place.”

I’d had enough. Letting Bella speak for herself was all fine and good, but no one was going to talk to her like that. This was a man who didn’t understand anything but the law of the jungle: survival of the strongest.

I angled my body to block part of Bella’s and leaned toward the man, pleased when his aggressive expression shifted to one of wariness. I unleashed the dominance I knew he would recognize and addressed him in a chilling tone.

“You can answer the questions now or answer them when the police come asking. Your choice. Do you have the records or not?”

Lou’s pulse quickened as his body instinctively recognized a predator, but instead of simply complying, he tried to cover his reaction with a joke.

“You taking this one on? Hope you’ve got a strong arm. Got your work cut out for you, or so I hear.”

I began to shake with rage, fighting the urge to rip his throat out as he recalled trading gossip with an employee about the marks they had spotted on Bella after one of her scenes.

“Answer the question.”

The stupid man actually rolled his eyes.

“The assistant manager cut out early that night, and some of the regulars just did their own thing. Not everyone checked in like they’re supposed to. There weren’t any incidents,” he shrugged defensively.

In my periphery, I saw Bella open her mouth angrily, but I quickly placed my index finger to her lips. She met my gaze and read my expression quickly. Whatever she saw in my eyes had her lowering hers in submission, as though on pure instinct, and the rush of satisfaction I felt cooled my temper slightly. I hid a smile of approval as I turned back to Lou.

“No incidents? And how would you know that if you were holed up in your office all night with your dick in some blonde’s mouth?”

Lou’s flabbergasted expression was priceless, but his shock was nothing to Bella’s. I didn’t weaken my stance by turning to look at her, but I watched her reaction through Lou’s thoughts as her wide eyes snapped upward in surprise. I’d never really spoken like that in front of her, but judging by the uptick in her heart rate, she didn’t disapprove. Interesting.

“Go get the records you do have,” I instructed the still-sputtering man. “We’ll wait.”

He turned and waddled toward a small office about a dozen feet away, flustered and muttering to himself. My fingertips flexed gently around Bella’s hand, silently praising and reassuring her, and she squeezed back. I focused on Lou’s harried thoughts as he dug through a messy filing cabinet and returned sooner than I expected, holding a single piece of paper. He slapped it down on the bar with a somewhat hostile sneer, and I glared back as I picked it up.

It appeared to be a log sheet for the club’s private playrooms, but Jillian’s name wasn’t on it. The name Nathan Lynch was scrawled next to the word manager, however, and I committed it to memory. I pursed my lips in disgust as I slid the paper across the bar in Lou’s direction.

“You’d better hope she turns up.”

The asshole didn’t respond, but it didn’t really matter. There was nothing else he could tell us about Bella’s friend, and I was desperate to get her out of there. I ushered her out of the building to my car with my arm around her shoulders, hating the limitation of human speed. She already had her phone in her hand when I settled into the driver’s seat.

“I’m such a horrible friend,” she shook her head, berating herself out loud as she reached Jillian’s voicemail yet again.

“No, you’re not.”

“She could be in real trouble. She could be dead for all I know, and I didn’t even realize she’d gone missing.” Bella’s voice trembled with emotion, and I placed a gentle hand on her thigh to soothe her.

“If she’s really missing, I’m sure someone will have reported it. A family member, a neighbor… We can check the police database. You’re not responsible for her, Bella.”

“But I should be. She looks out for me, you know? And how do I repay her?” Her eyes shimmered in lights from the passing traffic.

“We’ll find her. I promise.”

I dialed Jasper and gave him Jillian’s name, asking him to check recent Missing Persons reports as well her bank and credit card activity since Saturday night. Bella’s brows lifted in mild surprise at the request, but she supplied Jillian’s address without comment.

“And have someone call in an anonymous tip to the police, Jas. They can send someone over to check her apartment.”

I would’ve said we could just handle that ourselves, but on the off chance there was a crime scene… Well, it wasn’t the kind of thing a vampire should walk into. Jasper and I ended the call, and I continued along the now-familiar route from Bella’s neighborhood to the Waldorf.

“How much do you know about the owner of that place?” I asked her.

“Wait, Jasper can hack into people’s financial records?”

“It can be a useful skill at times. He should have some information pretty quickly. So… Lou? Do you know his last name?”

“No. I don’t know much about him, honestly. He mostly sits in his office or behind the bar and just walks around occasionally. Jillian says he’s lazy and not all that bright.”

“I can certainly confirm that after listening to his thoughts. The man’s a pig,” I muttered.

“Was he lying about not knowing where she was?”

“No. He’s an idiot, and he needs to keep his fucking eyes off of you, but… He wasn’t lying.”

“I still can’t believe you talked to him like that. It was…” She trailed off, looking slightly dazed as her cheeks flushed pink.

“It was what?”

“Hot as fuck,” she admitted, unable to fight her smile. I chuckled.

“Such language, Isabella.”

“Does it bother you, Sir?” she grinned flirtatiously.

“No. It’s hot as fuck when you do it too.” We shared another smile in the dark interior of the car, and I brought her hand to my lips. “So, the assistant manager… Lynch? Do you know him?”

“Yeah,” Bella sighed, her smile fading. “I’m not a fan. Malcolm isn’t either, but Jillian doesn’t have any quarrel with him as far as I know.” I frowned at the mention of Malcolm but kept my focus.

“What’s he like?”

“He always struck me as a creep,” she shrugged. “But in a place like that, creeps are pretty common, so I never gave him much thought. He’s always scoping out newcomers, especially the subs. He used to talk to me a lot when I first started going there, but once Malcolm showed interest, he backed off.”

“Just like that?” I asked skeptically, and Bella shrugged again.

“I guess. I mean, he didn’t seem particularly happy about it, but most Doms have a code of sorts when it comes to poaching someone else’s submissive. He didn’t talk to me much after that, and if he ever asked Malcolm to share, I never heard about it.”

My grip on the steering wheel tightened dangerously at the casual way the words came out of her mouth, as though the idea of two strange men sharing her didn’t disturb her at all. I felt the plastic crack beneath the pressure and immediately relaxed my grip. Keep it together, I chanted inwardly. Bella was worried about her friend, and she needed me to be strong. To keep my temper and reactions under control.

A few silent minutes later, we were pulling into the underground parking structure at the hotel, and when we entered my family’s suite, Jasper was frowning at the screen of his laptop. Alice hovered next to him, but she, Esme, and Carlisle greeted us with hugs of welcome. I gathered from Alice’s thoughts that Emmett and Rose had stepped out for a few hours.

“The police are headed over to your friend’s place,” Jasper announced, looking at Bella. “It may be tomorrow morning before they file a report on whatever they find. There’s been no activity on her accounts since Saturday afternoon. That may not necessarily be abnormal, but--”

“It is for her,” Bella interrupted anxiously. “She gets a latte and a bagel every morning at the coffee shop near her apartment, whether she’s working or going to class or even just staying home. She always goes there for breakfast, and she almost never carries cash.”

“Those charges were consistent until four days ago,” Jasper nodded. His thoughts were not optimistic, but he was trying to keep his expression neutral. Bella’s eyes began to fill with tears again.

“So, something happened. She’s either left town unexpectedly or…”

“If she left town, her financial footprints would show that. Obviously, I can’t say for certain, but I don’t think that’s what happened.”

Bella closed her eyes and leaned heavily against me, and I gathered her carefully into a tight embrace.

“We have to find her.” Her words were muffled by my chest, and I kissed the top of her head, rocking her gently.

“We will.”

Chapter 20 Bella

It was late when we got back to my apartment, and I barely stirred as Edward carried me upstairs to bed. Once again, his presence kept my nightmares at bay without the help of my medication, and when I woke the next morning, I was surprised to find a styrofoam cup of coffee and a breakfast sandwich on my bedside table.

“You went out?”

“Just for a few minutes. I left a note, but you were snoring anyway, so I figured it was safe,” Edward smirked, his amber eyes dancing playfully.

“I do not snore.”

“If you say so.”

I lifted a hand to swat him but thought better of it. I really didn’t need any broken fingers today. He chuckled and leaned in to kiss me briefly before I scampered into the bathroom for my ‘human time.’ When I returned, he opened his arms invitingly, and I settled against his chest to enjoy my breakfast.

“I spoke with Esme a little before we left the hotel room last night. After you fell asleep,” he added with a smile. “She said our house in Alberta could be ready within a few days, but if you’d rather go to Alaska or Montana, those homes wouldn’t take long to prepare. Do you have a preference?”

“Whatever is easiest for everyone is fine with me. The location doesn’t really matter. But I can’t leave town without knowing Jillian is okay.”

“I understand,” he nodded solemnly. “In that case, I’m going to suggest Alaska. We have a friend there who specializes in vampire abilities, so to speak. He may be able to help us get a handle on yours.”

“That sounds good.” I nibbled my food in silence for a few moments as my thoughts returned to Jillian. “Has Jasper gotten any more information from the cops?”

“Yes and no. The police went to check her apartment and didn’t find her there, but there were no signs of foul-play. They have her listed as a missing person and are in the process of contacting her family.”

My shoulders slumped in disappointment, and I put my breakfast aside. I’d learned enough from being the daughter of a cop to know what would happen next. Limited resources kept the police from pursuing cases like this indefinitely. They would investigate Jillian’s disappearance, but if no more leads or evidence cropped up, the case would go cold.

“I think we should go back to the club tonight and talk to people,” I announced, turning in Edward’s arms to look at him. “You can listen to everyone’s thoughts and figure out if any of them know what happened. Especially Lynch. Call it a hunch, but I really think there’s a good chance he’s involved somehow.” Edward’s brow furrowed in disapproval.

“I’ll go and question a few people, but you’re not going back there. It’s too dangerous.” The finality in his tone had me bristling, and I sat up straight to argue my point.

“I’ve been there dozens of times, and--”

“That’s not what I mean. I can’t think clearly when I’m being assaulted by sexual thoughts about my mate from the minds of other men. It makes me irrationally angry and possessive, and I can’t focus on anything else. It’s a miracle we made it out of there last night without bloodshed.”

“But--”

“I know you want to find your friend, but you being there while I’m trying to pick clues out of people’s heads would be counterproductive.”

“But you know I don’t want any of them that way,” I said earnestly.

“It doesn’t matter,” he disagreed. His tone was firm, and he wore a stern expression that made my stomach flip in a way that wasn’t altogether unpleasant. “I need you safe. That’s the only rule I made for you, and you agreed to follow it.”

“But I know how to take care of mys--”

He had me pinned to the mattress before I could finish my sentence, and I went silent, staring up at him with wide eyes and wet panties. Although his weight wasn’t pressing down upon me, it was suddenly rather difficult to breathe, and I felt the urge to lower my eyes in submission. When he spoke, his tone was a half-octave lower.

“I know you’re capable of taking care of yourself, Isabella. But you’ve formed a habit of self-neglect. I need you to let me look after you. Maybe not all the time, but--” I opened my mouth to argue, but he stopped my words with a finger to my lips and a look of warning. “I know you’re free to make your own decisions about everything, but sometimes I just need… No, I crave… your obedience.”

My heart thundered rapidly against my eardrums, and I wondered if it was deafeningly loud to him as well. I knew what he meant, though it still surprised me to hear him state it so plainly. I gave him a little nod, and he removed his finger slowly.

“I understand that.”

“Do you?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Edward closed his eyes and released a lungful of air, as though my words had brought him genuine relief. When he looked at me again, his eyes were black as pitch, but I knew it wasn’t thirst he was battling.

“I want to make you feel good… Can you let me take care of you for a little while?”

“Yes, Sir,” I whispered, shuddering as he bent to kiss the hollow beneath my jaw.

“I can smell your arousal. How wet you are for me. It’s more compelling than your blood ever was,” he told me, and my breath caught in my chest. I remembered his craving for my blood all too well. “Don’t move.”

Before I could so much as blink, he’d ghosted around the apartment at vampire speed and reappeared with an object I recognized in his hands. It was a thin blue scarf my mother had sent for my birthday. Edward tilted my chin upward until I met his steady gaze, and he spoke clearly, dominance saturating every word.

“I’ll never take more than you want to give, and I’m trusting you to tell me if I ever go to far. If something feels wrong or uncomfortable or too painful or too intense… You’ll tell me immediately. Is that clear?”

“I promise, Sir.”

He smiled and pressed his lips to my forehead in approval before slipping the scarf over my eyes. I lifted my head so he could secure it, and within seconds, the sensory deprivation began to work its magic. Every inch of my skin tingled with new awareness, and my ears caught sounds I might have missed otherwise. His scent enveloped me, drawing my tongue out quickly to taste it in the air. He hummed as his cool fingers curled around my wrists, and it was surprisingly easy to guess the direction of his thoughts.

“You can use the tie from my bathrobe,” I suggested quietly. “It’s hanging on the back of the bathroom door.”

I heard him chuckle and felt the gust of wind created by his movement. A half-second later, he was encircling my wrists with the terrycloth cord and raising them to thread the tie through the bars of the headboard.

“I hope you’re not overly fond of this shirt.”

“No, Sir,” I grinned, trembling as he tore it right down the middle.

Edward let out a groan, and my skin warmed beneath his cool touch as he ran his fingertips down the center of my body from my jaw to my abdomen. He managed to remove my pajama shorts without ripping them, but my panties never had a prayer of survival. I shivered slightly, knowing I was now completely exposed to him.

The scent of my arousal he’d mentioned before was faint to my human senses, but the fact that I could smell it at all had me clenching my thighs. I would’ve been embarrassed had I not known how much he loved it. He was growling again as his lips explored the sensitive skin over my hip bones, and I writhed a little, needing more.

“Patience, love,” Edward admonished in that low, sexy tone.

I’d always thought his voice had a silken quality, but I could definitely hear the difference when he was in this state of mind. If he’d used this voice on me that first day in Forks, I probably would’ve melted on the spot and begged him to take me right there in biology.

He was still holding back, kissing and licking my heated skin in slow progress down one of my bare thighs all the way to my toes. I whimpered with need when he switched to the other leg and began to work his way back up.

“I wish you could see how magnificent you look right now. How exquisite… alluring… sexy…” He paused to taste the skin of my inner thigh. “You’re like a siren. Always beckoning me… tempting me. Everything about you invites me in.”

I gasped at the familiar words, remembering all too well the way he’d tried to frighten me with his supernatural abilities. He’d shown me the true vampire that day, but now he was an altogether different sort of predator. And I longed to be his prey.

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, Isabella. See how utterly perfect you are for me.”

His cool breath blew over the slick, heated flesh of my core, and I tried to form the words to say I wished I could see myself that way too. To be inside his mind the way he longed to be inside mine. But before I could open my mouth to speak, his tongue swept along my cleft, and the last of my coherency was obliterated.

The difference in our temperatures was an incredible sensation, and my hips moved seemingly of their own accord. I needed more pressure, more of his mouth, more Edward. But his hands stilled my movements, preventing me from seeking any more stimulation than he chose to give me. I wanted to whine in frustration, but somehow the restriction only made it better. It was a sweet sort of torture, and the low rumble of his growl vibrated maddeningly against my clit. When at last he sucked the little bundle of nerves into his mouth, my climax swallowed me whole.

Some part of my brain knew my cries of pleasure were way too loud, but I couldn’t think why I should care who might hear me. If anything, the thought of someone hearing us only encouraged me to let go. I wanted the world to know I was his. My wrists were still restrained, but I clung to Edward’s shoulders with my thighs, riding out the waves of my orgasm until I was nothing but a panting, trembling mess.

He continued to lap at my sensitive skin, apparently determined not to let a single drop of my essence go to waste. The low growl still reverberated in his chest as though he couldn’t contain his inner beast completely, and the sound of it had me quivering with renewed longing.

“You taste better than I ever imagined,” he confessed, his dominant tone coarse with lust.

“Will you allow me to taste you, Sir?” I dared to ask. I felt him tremble against me and adjust his position.

“Yes… But not yet.” Edward gently removed the blindfold, and I blinked up at him in surprise. “I need to see your eyes. Especially since I can’t hear your mind.”

I nodded, my mind going back to the half-formed thought I’d had before he’d scrambled my wits with his oral skills. His disappointment in not being able to read my mind was nothing new, but now I found myself wanting to fix it. To find a way to let him in. And I hadn’t forgotten my theory...

He canted his head, watching my face closely.

“What is it, love? Do you want me to stop?” His hands went to remove the cord binding my wrists, but I shook my head quickly.

“No, Sir. Actually, I wanted… I was wondering…”

Edward smiled adoringly and bent to kiss me. The taste of myself on his lips nearly sent me into another spiral of desire.

“Tell me what you need, Isabella.”

“More. I have a theory I’d like to test,” I admitted, biting my lip a little. His eyes narrowed with curiosity, so I elaborated. “I think it might be possible for you to hear my thoughts.”

He stiffened in shock, and I could tell he was trying to keep his composure. He’d called me a siren before, and now I was tempting him with what we wanted most.

“The times that Alice was able to see me before… I think it was because my shield pulled back when I was in subspace. And if that made it possible for her to see me…”

“It might make it possible for me to hear you,” he finished. I nodded, smiling at the eager light of discovery in his eyes. “Tell me how.”

I hesitated again. This was the tricky part. The only thing that had ever brought me to that state of mind was pain and adrenaline, and that would push his limits. Maybe it’s too soon…

“How?” he repeated, the firm dominance returning to his tone. My submission was instinctive.

“There’s a small suitcase under the bed with some things inside.”

I fidgeted nervously with the binding around my wrists as Edward stood and bent to pull out the suitcase, opening the zipper closure carefully. His features were a mask of uncertainty and confusion as he surveyed its contents, and his jaw clenched a little when he spoke.

“Has anyone ever used these on you?”

“No, Sir. They’ve never left my apartment.”

“And no man has ever been here?”

“No, Sir.”

“Then why do you have them?”

“There were times when no one was available to… help me,” I admitted reluctantly.

Edward nodded but remained silent for what felt like an eternity. I could tell his mind was working at hyperspeed, no doubt considering every possible consequence to what I was asking of him.

“This is what you want? You trust me not to go too far?”

“I trust you with everything, Sir.”

And it was true. I wouldn’t have been able to even consider submitting to Edward if my trust in him hadn’t been restored. He closed his eyes briefly and seemed to relax a little, and when he looked at me again, there was a smile on his beautiful face. It was playful and flirtatious. Confident and sexy… He bent down again, and my eyes darted to his hand, which was now grasping the handle of a flogger.

“Turn onto your stomach, Isabella.”

Chapter 21 Edward

I took a deep breath to steady myself as Bella obeyed my instruction, revealing the smooth expanse of her backside. The delicious curves of her body begged to be explored… tasted. But I knew we’d have time for that later.

The implement--a flogger--was the first thing I’d recognized in her little kinky toy chest, and something about it had resonated with me. It felt good in my hand. Lightweight to my vampire strength, but with a sturdiness I could still recognize from a human perspective.

At first, I merely let the strips of suede dance over her beautiful skin, tickling the length of her spine and down to the backs of her thighs. The scent of her arousal hit the air in another wave, even stronger than before, and she squirmed against the mattress, lifting her bottom encouragingly.

For the briefest of moments, I doubted myself. Could I do this? What if I lost control of my strength? What if I hurt her too much? What if I broke the skin by accident? It would be catastrophic. Would it ruin everything we’d been working to rebuild?

But her words echoed in my mind: I trust you with everything. If my Bella was brave enough to trust me after all of the heartache I’d put her through, then I had to at least be brave enough to try. I heard her pulse accelerate with anticipation and smiled. It was clear she was craving this, and the thought of not being able to give her what she wanted was unbearable.

With extraordinary caution, I lifted the flogger and brought it down on her ass. The sound of the impact filled the air, but Bella’s moan of appreciation was louder.

“Yes… Let me hear you, Isabella. Help me learn your boundaries.” Don’t let me hurt you.

I swatted her again, listening carefully to the precise tenor of the sound the leather made against her skin. Again, now focusing on the whimpers of pleasure coming from her throat. Again, watching the way her hips undulated in search of stimulation to the tender flesh I’d tasted only minutes ago. Again… and again…

“Talk to me, love.”

“It’s so good, Sir. More… please…”

My cock was solid as granite in my pants, and I gave in to the urge to free myself from them. I stripped off the rest of my clothing quickly, soothing my erection with one hand and flogging her with the other. I was breathing as heavily as any human man in need of oxygen, but my focus never left my mate.

I analyzed every moan, every whimper, every slap of leather against her flesh, every infinitesimal movement of her body… When she began to tremble more violently, I tilted my head to peek between her legs, my eyes going wide with shock at the wetness there.

Another swat… and another… and then…

Yes… More, Edward. I love you… I love you… The sound of her thoughts stunned me, and I nearly dropped the flogger. Take me… Make me yours… Promise you’ll never leave me.

“Never. I swear it, Bella. You’re mine.”

Forever

“Forever,” I echoed, the three syllables ringing with a certainty I would never deny again.

I slowed the pace of the flogger and reduced the force gradually, appreciating the pinkness of her skin in much the same way I enjoyed her blush. Her hips lifted off the mattress, and images of myself thrusting into her from behind were projected into my mind.

Please, Edward… I need you.

There was no possibility of holding back anymore. No fear, no doubt… I let the flogger fall to the floor and turned her over gently, smiling at the feverish sort of glaze over her brown eyes.

I love you.

“As I love you,” I echoed aloud. “And I need you too, love.”

We kissed fiercely as I hovered over her to align myself with her entrance, pulling back only enough to watch her face as I sank into her. Her warmth enveloped me, and the very air seemed to vibrate. I could feel something shift irrevocably within me, much as it had the first time we’d touched, the first time we’d kissed… but infinitely amplified.

It reverberated from her thoughts as well, binding them to mine and molding our minds into a singular consciousness. I gasped a broken cry of amazement, no longer able to tell which thoughts were hers and which were mine.

They were both. We were one.

In that instant, I knew without a doubt that I’d been wrong about the existence of my soul. Bella had been right. I could feel my soul connecting to hers, freeing us even as it bound us together as one. Simultaneously consuming and being consumed. Strengthening one another with a heat so intense that my frozen heart seemed to catch fire.

I kissed her slowly as I moved within her, reaching up to untie her wrists with one hand. I needed to feel her touch in every possible way. Her arms wrapped around my torso and neck, one hand clutching a fistful of my hair as she cried out with her own passion.

My lips never left hers, even as her legs wound around my waist and her thoughts urged me deeper, faster, harder… I’d been so afraid of losing control with her, but now that fear seemed absurd. I couldn’t hurt her. It would have been easier to set myself on fire, to cast off every instinct of self-preservation I possessed. Because her soul was mine just as mine was hers.

She was everything. We were everything.

Everything, her inner voice agreed, her mind somehow thinking my thoughts. We’re one.

Always.

Forever.

Chapter 22 Bella

The haze lifted slowly, and time seemed to stretch in confusing ways. How long had I been lying in Edward’s cool embrace, panting and shaking in the aftermath of… What was that? I had felt everything with my entire being… and his. It didn’t make sense.

“You were right,” he murmured softly into my ear, his breath tickling the sweat-dampened skin below it. “I do have a soul. And it is wholly and irrevocably yours.”

I smiled and managed to form a coherent, if breathless, response.

“And mine is yours. It always has been.”

“Yes. I’m sorry I fought it so hard, love. That I let my fear drive me away from you. If I’d known…” I could hear the regret in his tone, but I shook my head as I turned to look into his golden eyes. I knew his remorse as completely as I knew my own.

“It’s forgiven.”

Edward sighed deeply at the power of those two little words and held me a little tighter against his chest.

“And it’ll never happen again. Being apart now would be…”

“Torture.”

“Impossible.” We lay in silence for a moment before he spoke again. “Are you okay? I know you’re not hurt, but what about emotionally? This is a lot for me to process, and I’m a vampire.”

“I’m…” I faltered, needing better words. “Okay isn’t a strong enough word. Wonderful? Blissful? Euphoric? But also maybe in a little bit of shock,” I admitted with a smile. He nodded, knowing what I meant without needing to ask.

“The pain.”

“Yes. I guess I’m more of a masochist than I thought. What about you? Did you have any trouble controlling your strength? I mean, I know you didn’t toward the end, but… in the beginning?”

“Not at all, surprisingly. Focusing on that dominant mindset helped. I watched you, listened to the sounds you were making, the sounds of the leather on your skin… It was actually quite easy to read you. Knowing you were enjoying it made it pleasurable for me as well.”

I could hear the surprise in his tone and smiled happily.

“I loved every second of it. But not the way I did before,” I said truthfully, unable to stop myself from comparing the experience with those I’d had in the past. “It wasn’t the same at all. It’s never been sexual. Just a means to an end. Physically, I was submitting to them, but my hallucinations made it feel like it was you I was connecting with. But this was…”

“I know. I heard you,” he grinned. That gleam of excitement lit his eyes again.

“It was hard to focus,” I nodded, remembering. “There was so much… I actually think I might have… Could I have heard your thoughts too? Is that possible?”

“Bella, I think when it comes to us, anything is possible. But for me, it was more like we shared a consciousness somehow. Like you were thinking my thoughts, and I was thinking yours. Not just hearing them.

“And I could only hear us. I didn’t realize it until after we came, but I couldn’t hear any minds but ours. Not your neighbors or the people on the street… Even the physical sounds were muted, like the rest of the world went silent and all the other minds along with it.”

“Wow. I think I felt that too, but I was so overwhelmed by everything that I didn’t really understand what was happening. All I could do was… feel. Do you think it’ll always be this way? What about when I’m like you?”

Edward smiled my favorite smile, and I noticed the distinct absence of anxiety in his expression. It was the first time he’d ever responded to a remark like that with nothing but happiness. His eyes were light and carefree, and the sight of it made my heart skip with relief.

“I don’t know, love. But I can’t wait to find out.”

“Me either,” I grinned back. “I just can’t believe you finally got into my head. I can’t believe I had a theory that actually worked! If it weren’t so personal, I’d say we should go tell Carlisle.” We chuckled and shared a lingering kiss before another thought occurred to me. “Hey… Do you think Alice saw it?”

“If she has any sense of propriety at all, she would’ve tried not to. But this is Alice we’re talking about. So… Probably.”

I sighed ruefully but knew there was really nothing to be done about it. The rest of the family had to put up with her snooping twenty-four-seven, so I decided to count myself lucky to be able to escape that level of invasion.

A brief shudder worked its way through my body, and I realized belatedly that I hadn’t truly registered the difference in our body temperatures until that moment. Even when he’d been inside me, he hadn’t felt cold. Hmm. Another item on the list of things I didn’t understand.

“I thought I understood your gift,” I mused aloud. “Mine too, at least to some extent. But now I have so many more questions, and the possibilities seem endless.”

“We have plenty of time to figure all of that out. Personally, I’m more interested in how to make it happen again. If pain is what you need to be able to get in the right frame of mind, I’m not sure how that will work after you’re changed.”

“It isn’t the pain. It’s the act itself. I surrendered to you. Let myself be vulnerable to you… I trusted you in every possible way. I think that’s how I control whatever inner defense mechanism I have, at least right now. But I don’t think that will always be the case. Most vampires learn some control over their abilities, right?”

“Yes,” he nodded, still smiling. “It might take time, but you’ll probably be able to achieve enough control to lower your shield completely.”

I snuggled into him and tried to imagine our future. Our very long future. It was difficult to wrap my mind around all of the details, especially since I knew how much I would change when I gave up my humanity. After what had just happened between us, however, there was one thing I was absolutely not willing to lose.

“Even if I learn to control my shield on my own, I’ll still want to submit to you,” I said confidently, meeting his gaze with a smile. “It’s so… liberating. And intimate. I don’t want to lose that even if I no longer need it.”

“I agree. I love seeing the depth of your trust in me. Somehow, it’s humbling and empowering at the same time. I don’t want to lose that either. Ever.”

He pressed his lips to mine once more, and we got lost in another long, perfect kiss. But the persistent buzzing from his cell on the nightstand interrupted us all too soon. Edward inclined his head to read the screen and chuckled before reaching for the phone. He handed it to me so I could read the text as well.

Alice: I really, REALLY tried not to look, but if you were experimenting, it was definitely a success! I’m so happy for you!!! I hope I gave you enough time, but I saw you and Jasper going to the club this evening. He thinks he might be able to help. If you’re still wanting to do that, you should leave soon. We can keep Bella occupied while you’re gone.

My irritation over being ‘kept occupied’ was overshadowed only by my embarrassment that Jasper would pretty much get a front row seat to my dark side. I didn’t argue with the plan, however. I was genuinely worried about Jillian, and I trusted Edward’s judgment. If he thought my presence would be counterproductive, then it would be better for everyone if I weren’t there.

We sighed and shared one more kiss before getting out of bed. I cleaned up in the bathroom and searched for a new outfit while Edward dressed and replied to Alice’s message, telling her we would meet everyone at the hotel shortly.

“You know, they shouldn’t feel like they have to babysit me,” I told him once we were in the car. “I would’ve been fine staying at my place.”

“I know that. And so does my family, but they want to spend time with you. They’ve missed you. Alice especially.”

“Even though I’m a blind spot for her now? That has to be frustrating for someone who’s used to knowing everything all the time.”

“She’ll get over it,” Edward smirked, probably enjoying his sister’s predicament a little too much. “It’s an inconvenience, but she values your friendship more than her ability to be a know-it-all. Rose wants to get to know you better too. You actually got through to her the other day, which surprised her as much as anyone else. She wants to make amends for being so cold toward you. Figuratively speaking,” he grinned. “You earned her respect, and speaking from personal experience, I can assure you that’s no easy task.”

“Wow… I have to admit, I didn’t see that one coming.”

Edward chuckled and caressed my knuckles with this thumb.

“No one did.”

Chapter 23 Edward

This is where you found Bella?

Jasper’s thoughts were saturated with stunned disbelief as he gazed around the main event room of the club. Like me, there was very little about human sexuality my brother didn’t know. His gift was as invasive as my own, though in a different way, and he too had lived many years burdened with an overabundance of intimate knowledge of others he’d just as soon not have had.

I could completely understand his discomfort, particularly as he tried like hell not to imagine Bella dressed like some of the female patrons. Jasper was assessing the environment in much the same way I had done twice before, but he picked up on things I’d missed, presumably because my primary focus had been on Bella.

There was a faint scent of dried blood in the air, but it was really no worse than anything we had endured on a daily basis in a hundred different schools. The other intimate scents were stronger, and we could hear the various sounds of intercourse and impact play taking place down the hall in the private rooms. Jasper was struggling a bit under the weight of the collective lust in the room and was forced to project a little of it back. My already- desperate need to get back to my mate intensified, and I threw him a pleading look.

I can’t help it, he shrugged defensively. I’m just glad you settled things with Bella and have yourself under control again. Otherwise, I’d be really overloaded.

I grunted in acknowledgment and attempted to focus harder on the individual minds around us. Not surprisingly, most of the patrons were thinking about sex, and more than one person in the room was eyeing us with hopeful curiosity. Jillian was nowhere to be seen, either in person or in anyone’s thoughts. But I did spot a familiar face.

Malcolm.

He was having what sounded like a business-related conversation with another Dominant while a collared blonde knelt on the floor between the two. I was momentarily distracted by the woman’s thoughts, or lack thereof. Her mind was mostly blank, barely even registering the discomfort of her knees against the wooden floor. Jasper caught my curiosity and did his own assessment.

She’s feeling peaceful and happy. He’s bored. The other guy is envious.

I nodded silently and gestured for him to follow me, watching as Malcolm’s expression turned to one of unhappy surprise when he saw me. His eyes swept the room quickly, looking for Bella, and the concern I heard in his thoughts eased my tension minutely. I took the seat opposite him while Jasper leaned against a support post a few feet away.

“Where is she?” Malcolm asked tersely.

He’s just worried about her, Jasper reassured me, and I acknowledged him with a faint nod.

“She’s safe and doing well. But she won’t be coming back here.”

Malcolm pursed his lips for a moment before asking the other man for a bit of privacy. The stranger rose from his seat with one final covetous glance at the blonde and strode away.

“She never really belonged here anyway.”

“I agree. She did ask me to come this evening, though. This is my brother, Jasper.” I paused while they exchanged a nod. “We’re looking for Jillian. She’s gone missing, and Bella’s worried about her.”

“How long since anyone’s seen her?” Malcolm asked, leaning forward with a frown of genuine concern.

“Five days. She worked a shift here on Saturday, but no one seems to know anything more than that.”

Fuck. Not again, he thought, his eyes flickering to the bar area where a large, bearded man was flirting with a red-headed waitress. The woman was clearly uncomfortable, but if anything, that only seemed to encourage him.

“Who’s that?” I asked.

“Lynch. The assistant manager.”

“Bella mentioned him. Said she didn’t like him.”

“No one really does, myself included. Never have,” he shook his head, resting a hand atop the blonde’s head. She sighed contentedly but didn’t move or respond. The faces of several women flashed through Malcolm’s mind, with Bella’s face appearing last. Then Jillian’s.

“He’s a predator,” I stated bluntly. He nodded.

“Bella knew it. I wasn’t the only one who noticed her almost the moment she first walked through that door. I didn’t approach her right away, though, and I might not have at all if it weren’t for the way Lynch was acting toward her.”

“He was disrespectful?”

“That’s putting it mildly. He wanted to scene with her, but she turned him down. He didn’t like that. He’s never been one to respect other Dominants, but he backed down when I made it clear she was under my protection. Even so, I instructed her to avoid him whenever possible.”

Jasper had to help me control my anger as I watched the memory of Bella’s first night at the club play out in Malcolm’s mind. I hated seeing her that way, a shell of the girl I’d left in Forks. Seeing her put her trust in another man cut almost as deep. But it was Lynch’s behavior that enraged me most. I had no doubt Lynch would’ve done real damage if he’d had the chance, but Malcolm had kept her safe.

“You protected her from him.” Again, it wasn’t a question, but Malcolm didn’t seem to notice.

“Yes. But Bella wasn’t the only submissive he’s had his eye on lately.”

“You think he has something to do with Jillian’s disappearance?”

“If there’s foul play involved at all, I’d wager he’s the one behind it. She’s not the first sub to go missing from here.”

“How many?” I pressed, and he took a moment to tally the faces in his mind.

“At least four since I started coming here. Regulars. Some people stop coming for normal reasons. Relationship changes, relocating, whatever. But the four I’m thinking of didn’t move away or get new boyfriends. They just vanished.”

“Over what kind of time period?”

“A little over a year, I’d say. I don’t know Jillian that well, other than what Bella’s told me about her. But like I said… No one really likes Lynch, and most of that comes down to instinct.”

I exchanged a loaded glance with Jasper and sighed before rising to my feet. Another wave of calm washed over me, and I sent him a surge of gratitude in return.

“Thank you, Malcolm. Not just for the information, but for looking out for Bella and keeping her safe from him. And from anyone else who might have had less honorable intentions.”

Malcolm’s eyes narrowed a little at my formal speech, but he didn’t comment. Instead he merely nodded with grudging acceptance and repeated the warning he’d given me last night.

“Don’t hurt her again.”

“You don’t need to worry about that,” I replied solemnly.

Jasper and I approached the bar at human speed, using the six and a quarter seconds to formulate a plan. We briefly deliberated interrogating Lynch right then and there, but Jasper thought we were likely to need privacy in order to avoid exposure.

“Bring the car around to the side entrance and give me five minutes,” I instructed at a volume only my brother could hear. He gave me a silent nod and changed direction to head for the main entrance instead.

I moved to hover unobtrusively at the far end of the bar, listening intently to Lynch’s words as well as his thoughts. He was focused on the young waitress he’d apparently been harassing all evening, and his thoughts centered around getting her into one of the sound-proofed back rooms. It took me less than fifteen seconds of mental eavesdropping to get a clear picture of his character.

The man was truly sadistic, and his fetishes were considered extreme even by the most adventurous members of the kink community. Lynch enjoyed torturing his submissives, drawing out their pain for hours and degrading them in numerous ways. At the moment, he was imagining suspending the waitress from the ceiling with a series of small metal hooks piercing her skin and then using a sort of cattle prod device to torment her further. That kind of ‘play’ was not technically permitted at the club, but Lynch had taken advantage of the owner’s negligence more than once.

To discover whether he knew anything about Jillian or the other missing women, we would have to question him directly, and I agreed with Jasper that it would be a conversation best held in private. I was willing to bet Lynch wouldn’t be so fond of torture once he was on the other side of the equation.

“Excuse me, sir?” I addressed him, arranging my features into an expression of polite concern. I’d interrupted him as he whispered an obscene remark into the redhead’s ear, and he turned toward me with an irritated scowl.

“Yeah?”

“Are you the manager?”

“Yeah. Is there a problem?” he asked, straightening his spine and puffing out his chest as he approached me. I recognized his alpha-male posturing for what it was and forced myself not to reciprocate.

“There’s a cop nosing around outside. I’m not sure why, but it sounded like he was on his radio calling for backup…” I trailed off with feigned uncertainty, gesturing toward the side exit where I could hear Jasper pull up to the curb. Lynch reacted predictably, muttering a cursory, ‘thanks,’ as he strode toward the door.

Shit. Why the fuck would they need backup? They always just come in if they have questions. There’s no way they know...

The street and sidewalk were fairly deserted, and those who were loitering about didn’t glance in our direction. Lynch didn’t seem to notice I’d followed him outside, and it was ridiculously easy to wrap my arm around his neck in a chokehold. His attempts to struggle were pathetic against my superior strength, but I could tell he was rather strong for a human. He was a few inches taller than average with a sturdy, muscular build. He would’ve been able to incapacitate most human women with relative ease, and the thought of Bella falling prey to his aggressions stoked the angry fire within me.

Lynch was clawing futilely at my arm as I manhandled him into the backseat of the Lexus, and as soon as I’d pulled the door shut, I released him.

“What the fuck is going on?!” he sputtered, coughing and clutching at his throat.

“Just going for a little drive, Mr. Lynch. We have some questions for you,” I replied coolly.

Jasper kept the car at an inconspicuous speed as we drove down the block, and before Lynch could say another word, Jasper hit him with a heavy dose of fear. The man began to shake with terror as his eyes darted around the vehicle. I expected him to try the door handle, not that it would have done him much good, but instead he merely cowered against the plush leather seat.

“I don’t… I don’t know anything. I don’t know who you are…”

“You know enough. If you tell the truth, I might not kill you. Lie to me, and… Well, you’re a creative guy. I’m sure you can imagine what I have in store for you.”

I gave him a dark smile, letting him see what a true predator looked like. His thoughts spiralled in panic, and Jasper projected his own fear right back at him, doubling it so that his heart sounded as though it might explode.

“Where is Jillian Lowe?”

“I… I don’t… Please... I can’t…”

I ignored his pathetic stuttering and focused on his thoughts instead, growling reflexively as Jillian’s face appeared in his memory. He’d drugged her and kidnapped her from the club Saturday evening, and she was now being held in some sort of storage facility. Lynch was expecting a large sum of money in exchange for her and five other young women. My hand closed around his throat again.

“Dabbling in a little human trafficking, Nate?” I snarled.

His eyes dilated in fear and shock, but there was something off about the way his mind responded to my words.

“That’s not even your name, is it? Who are you?” I picked the name out of his thoughts easily. “Vincent Gamboa. Yeah, that name is way too memorable. I can see why you don’t use it. Nathan Lynch probably isn’t your only alias, is it?”

“How d-do you…?”

He was shaking so badly he couldn’t form a coherent sentence, but it didn’t matter. His life story was spilling out in his mind, and I threw the information back at him effortlessly.

“Wanted in California, Texas, New York, and Florida. You do get around. Solicitation, drug trafficking, possession with intent to sell… And you’ve been doing a bit of procurement for a sex trafficking ring for the past year or so. Made some good money too.”

“H-how…?”

“Where is she, scumbag?” I tightened my grip on his jugular to cut off what little remained of his airway, and his panic intensified as I saw the place in his mind. I relayed the information to Jasper quickly. “Head toward Millennium Park. There’s a self-storage facility near the docks. Benton Storage, unit 692. Call the others. There are six women, all drugged but alive. Two guards. One inside, one out.”

I was careful not to say Carlisle’s name aloud, but Jasper understood that I was telling him the women would need medical treatment. We may still need this asshole alive. Let him breathe, he advised. But he didn’t pull back the tidal waves of fear he was projecting toward the man. Lynch--or rather Gamboa--gasped and wretched theatrically when I released him.

“Who… What the f-fuck are you?”

It was the first full sentence he’d been able to say since shortly after I’d shoved him into the car, and I leaned toward him menacingly.

“Unless you cooperate, I’ll be the last thing you ever see.”

A putrid scent permeated the air as Lynch lost control of his bladder, and Jasper snickered from the front seat. I lowered my voice to tell him to ease up on the fear tactics. My patience was running too thin to let this guy survive shitting his pants in my car, even if it was a rental.

Jasper’s phone vibrated, and I read the incoming text through his thoughts. Alice had seen enough to mobilize everyone, and they were on their way to lend a hand. I sighed, feeling a moment of mental exhaustion that made me want to rub my temples. I wanted nothing more than to finish this business and get back to Bella, but I knew the night was far from over. Depending on Jillian’s state when we found her, I might well end up supporting my mate through the death of her friend, and I didn’t want to imagine Bella’s guilt if the worst came to pass.

When we reached the storage facility, I instructed Jasper to give Lynch a heavy dose of lethargy and lock him in the trunk. He agreed and promised to wait in the car for our family to arrive. I cased the place quickly, honing in on the human heartbeats I could hear emanating from unit 692. There were eight distinct heartbeats. Two were throbbing at a healthy rate, but the other six were sluggish, as though their hearts were fighting for every beat.

Just as I’d decided to take out the two guards on my own, the thoughts of my family reached me. I returned to the car and bit back a growl at the sight of Bella tucked beneath Esme’s arm.

Don’t start, Edward, Alice scolded, rolling her eyes. She refused to stay in the hotel if we left her behind. Since I can’t see her, I couldn’t know for sure she’d be safe.

“But now you can’t see anything,” I grumbled softly. Alice shrugged unapologetically as I flitted to Bella’s side. She was in my arms instantly.

“Did you find her? Is she okay?”

“I think she’s inside one of the storage units, but she’s not alone. There are five other women being held as well, and I believe they’re drugged. We’ll take care of it.” I paused to frame her jaw with my hands, lowering the timbre of my voice significantly. “You are to stay here with Esme.”

I saw the barest hint of an argument in her brown eyes, but it faded quickly as she nodded in obedience. Several of my family members were surprised at Bella’s easy acquiescence, but thankfully, no one commented out loud. We had bigger priorities right now. I kissed her gently and watched Esme lead her back to one of the other vehicles.

“Only two guards?” Emmett asked, glancing around as though he could see through the maze of buildings separating us from the men in question. I nodded, and Carlisle handed over a few zip ties.

“Don’t risk exposure. Incapacitate them until the police arrive,” he instructed.

“You want to let them live?” Rosalie fumed, her eyes darting to the trunk of my rental where Jasper had stowed Lynch’s sedated body. She was hoping to be the one to deliver a bit of karma, and while I shared the inclination, I had to agree with Carlisle.

“This thing is bigger than just these three men, Rose,” I explained. “They do the grunt work for a large sex-trafficking ring. They can lead the cops to the others involved.”

She huffed in disappointment but took one of the zip ties from Emmett. I’m still going to kick them each in the balls, she thought as she stomped away. I didn’t bother arguing with that. These men deserved far worse.

The two guards were handled with minimal fuss and almost absolute silence. We’d caught them both by surprise, knocking them out and binding their hands and feet. Jasper stayed with them outside, keeping them unconscious and maintaining a safe distance from the tell-tale scent of spilled blood inside the storage unit.

It was a gut-wrenching scene, and even Jasper’s attempts to keep us calm couldn’t ease the disgust that overwhelmed me. All six of the women were bound and shivering in large metal dog kennels, and most of them were unaware of their surroundings. We hurried to free them while Carlisle began to examine each of them in turn.

“It’s all right, miss. I’m a doctor. Can you tell me your name?”

My attention was diverted to the only familiar face among the women, and my own medical training kicked in as I assessed Jillian’s physical state. Her heart rate was the slowest of the six, and she was completely unresponsive. Even her thoughts were silent, and I could smell multiple drugs in her bloodstream.

“Carlisle. This is Bella’s friend. She’s…”

Dying. I couldn’t say the word out loud, but he knew me well enough that I didn’t need to. He was at my side a little too quickly, but none of the women seemed to notice. I listened to his thoughts as he mentally catalogued her vital statistics and neurological responses.

“I’m sorry, son. There are so many drugs in her system, I can’t even distinguish all of them. They gave her way too much.”

“She’s dying?”

“I’m afraid so. Her organs are already shutting down. She has a few hours left, at most.”

My chest ached, and for a moment, Jillian’s features seemed to change before my eyes, transforming into an unconscious version of my mate. The despair threatened to overwhelm me at the thought of how easily Bella could have been one of these women. Assaulted, abducted, drugged, and sold like property.

Get it together, man, Emmett thought, and I turned to see him watching me with a guarded expression. He was helping Rosalie with one of the other women, and my anger was reflected in his eyes. The same hypotheticals that taunted me also plagued him. I sighed heavily and pushed my own issues aside, wincing at the pain and guilt this would bring Bella.

“We need to get the rest of them stable and call the police. We can watch from somewhere nearby,” I announced, and my family nodded in silent agreement that it would be best to leave before the cops arrived.

“I’ll stay behind to make sure these assholes talk,” Jasper said from outside.

“What about her?” Rose asked, watching Jillian take a staggered breath. “Bella should get a chance to say goodbye.”

Alice and Emmett made noises of agreement, but Carlisle was silent. The direction of his thoughts took me by surprise.

“You think that’s a good idea?”

“I think we should at least ask Bella if it’s something the girl would want. If we act soon, there should be just enough time.”

I recoiled inwardly at the idea of changing the young woman, and my shoulders slumped with dread at the prospect of putting something else on Bella’s shoulders. But I held my tongue. If the past week had taught me nothing else, I had at least learned that speaking for Bella on something this important was a bad idea.

“I’ll go get her.”

Chapter 24 Bella

I sat up abruptly when I saw Edward and Jasper approaching the car. Esme and I had locked ourselves in one of the Cullens’ vehicles, and I’d spent the last twenty minutes watching for a sign of Edward’s return. Almost immediately after he’d left, I realized I hadn’t asked him how Jillian had ended up here. Esme told me reluctantly that there was a human locked in the trunk of the Lexus, unconscious but still breathing. She didn’t know the man’s identity, however, and she refused to open the trunk so I could look for myself.

“Did you find Jillian? Is she okay?” I asked nervously as soon as Edward reached the car. He helped me out and pulled me against his chest, and when he didn’t answer immediately, a cloud of dread began to settle over me. I pulled back to look him in the eye. “Edward… Just tell me.”

His golden eyes were apologetic, and my heart sank. Oh, no…

“We found her, and she’s… alive. But not for much longer. I’m so sorry, Bella.”

I clenched my eyes shut as the tears welled and seeped through my lashes. The image of Jillian’s compassionate smile seemed permanently seared into my retinas, and a sob rose in my chest.

“What… What happened? Who did this?”

“Lynch.”

“From the club?!”

Edward nodded solemnly, and my mind spun as I considered the implications of Lynch’s involvement. He had wanted me too at one point, though Malcolm hadn’t allowed him near me. But it could so easily have been me… I glared at the trunk of the Lexus where Lynch lay bound and unconscious.

“I want to see him,” I snarled.

“We’ll take care of him, Bella.”

“You’ll kill him?”

Anyone could hear the hope in my voice, and Edward’s narrowed in surprise. I didn’t generally condone violence, but I’d make an exception in Lynch’s case. He didn’t deserve the privilege of life when he’d stolen Jillian’s from her.

Edward held me close again and spoke in soothing tones.

“He may be able to give us more information about the people he was planning to sell the women to. He was drugging them to keep them compliant, but he gave her way too much. Jasper’s going to interrogate him while you and I go see Jillian. She doesn’t have much time, and... Carlisle wants to talk to you.”

Something about the way he said that last part brought me up short, and I looked up to see an anxiousness in his eyes that I couldn’t quite decipher. I glanced at the trunk again, then at Jasper, and he gave me a reassuring nod.

“I don’t plan on holdin’ back, Bella. One way or another, he’ll get what’s coming to him.”

I sighed in resignation and said a soft thanks before allowing Edward to lead me to Jillian, Esme trailing behind us. When we reached the entrance of the storage unit, I saw Emmett standing guard over two unconscious figures, both bound at the hands and feet with some kind of industrial size cable tie.

What we found inside the unit had my stomach churning, and for a moment I was afraid I might actually vomit. There were large metal dog crates lined up along the walls, and although all of them were now empty, I knew without asking that each had held one of the young women. Rosalie and Alice were attending to two of the women, and Esme quickly took over the care of a third.

Carlisle was next to Jillian, frowning as he checked her pupils with a pen light. My breath caught at the sight of her, and this time I couldn’t contain my reaction. I burst into tears as I ran to her side, taking her hand in mine.

“Jillian. Can you hear me? Oh, God… I’m so sorry. This is my fault…”

“It is most certainly not your fault, love. You didn’t do this to her.”

“But I should have gone looking for her sooner. I should have noticed… I should have…” My sobs overtook me, and I let myself sink backward into Edward’s arms as he shushed me.

“You couldn’t have stopped him, Bella. He’s had her since Saturday, and judging by her physical state, he’s been overdosing her since not long after. I’m honestly surprised she’s lasted this long.”

“Is she…” I sniffled, wiping my eyes furiously. I had to be strong for her. “Is she in pain?”

“No. Jasper confirmed it, and I don’t hear any thoughts coming from her. Not even dreams. She’s slipped into a coma.”

“Okay.” I took a stuttering breath and tried to pull myself together. “Carlisle…?”

Edward’s father met my gaze sympathetically and pursed his lips as though uncertain of his next words.

“Your friend has a little time. Not much, but… enough. Do you know if she would want to be changed? If she had all of the facts, that is.”

I held my breath as my eyes went wide.

“You would change her?”

“If you asked me to, yes. So long as you believe it’s what she would want.”

Holy shit. Of course, I’d never told Jillian about the existence of supernatural beings, and I couldn’t begin to imagine what her response would have been if I had. Like most people, she probably would’ve thought I was crazy. How on earth could I possibly make this choice for her?

What if she wakes up and hates herself? Hates all of us for turning her and dooming her to an eternity of perpetual thirst? Or hates me for choosing wrong?

I knew vampires were frozen at the moment of their change. So, what would that mean for Jillian? Would she turn out bitter and angry like Rose? Would she have the small blessing of amnesia like Alice? Would she have extraordinary control like Carlisle and Edward? Would she be more like Jasper? Battling for the shreds of her humanity every day for the rest of time? Or worse… Would she turn out like James or Victoria? Bloodthirsty and irrational with no respect for human life at all?

“I can’t choose for her,” I said, wiping my eyes again. “What if you change her and it turns out I’m wrong? What if she hates being a vampire? What if she loses control as a newborn and takes innocent lives? Those deaths would be on my hands…”

The five vampires in the room were all watching me with sympathetic eyes, but no one spoke in favor of either option. Edward stroked my dampened cheek with a feather-light touch, and his expression was one of immense sorrow. His angelic beauty triggered a memory, and I pressed a hand to my aching chest.

This was how he’d felt that night in the ballet studio, kneeling over my broken body as he struggled to make a choice. Thankfully, I didn’t have the added complication of making that decision for my soulmate. If it were Edward lying on that floor, I doubt I would have even hesitated to beg Carlisle to save him… Hell. No wonder he thinks turning me would be selfish of him. It made perfect sense now.

But it wasn’t Edward. It was Jillian. Could I really just let her die? Would it be better to let her go now rather than risk her going out and slaughtering hundreds as a newborn? What if she accepted her new life but refused to be a vegetarian?

This was completely different than deciding for myself. I wasn’t sure I would want to be a vampire if I didn’t know I’d have a future with my soulmate. There was no way to know if Jillian would find that with someone or if she would be lonely and miserable for decades. Or even centuries…

The variables circled one another in my mind until my head began to ache, and I squeezed my eyes shut, taking a deep breath before I spoke again. I’m so sorry, Jilly.

“Don’t change her. Just let her…” I couldn’t say the word out loud, but Carlisle nodded in understanding. I held Jillian’s hand tightly and smoothed the hair away from her face. “I’m sorry. You deserve so much better than this. Please forgive me.”

I bent down to kiss her forehead and said a soft, ‘goodbye.’ A fresh wave of grief washed over me, and I collapsed in Edward’s arms, letting his quiet strength soothe me as he carried me back to the car.

I listened halfheartedly to the voices around me as they discussed what would happen next. The police were on their way, and we needed to be gone before they arrived. Jasper and Alice would hang back covertly to make sure Lynch cooperated, and then they’d leave town to hunt for a few hours. The women, including Jillian, would be transported to a nearby hospital, and Carlisle would go with them to ensure that their families were contacted.

On the way back to the hotel, Emmett and Rosalie sat in front while Edward held me in the back seat. Esme sat on the opposite side, holding my hand and reassuring me in her soft, maternal way. Emmett was uncharacteristically quiet, but I was surprised to see Rosalie glancing back to check on me every so often, offering kind smiles that almost looked foreign on her beautiful face. I could tell she thought I’d made the right decision, and I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. It still felt like a delicate subject between us, and I didn’t feel capable of giving her anything more than a weak smile in return.

The suite at the Waldorf was just as we’d left it only a little while ago, but I felt oddly disconnected. So much had happened, and it seemed strange that the world still looked the same when I felt so different. Edward settled onto one of the sofas and cradled me in his lap while the others took seats nearby. No one spoke for a long time, and eventually, I couldn’t bear the silence any longer.

“She was going to be a social worker. That’s what she was going to school for. She wanted to help domestic violence victims. Her dad was abusive toward her mom when she was growing up, and seeing that made her want to help other families like hers. She’s tough, but she has a gentle heart… Had a gentle heart.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss, sweetheart. She sounds like a lovely person, and I’m glad you had someone like that in your life,” Esme said quietly, her amber eyes warm with empathy.

“I just wish she had benefited as much from having me in her life. I should have been there for her.”

“You can’t blame yourself,” Edward disagreed, pressing his lips into my hair. I disagreed but said nothing, and Esme took my hand in hers again.

“You did the right thing.”

“Would you have done the same?” I asked her.

“In this situation, yes. There were just too many unknown factors, and you made the wisest choice. Even if it was the most difficult. I’m proud of you for that, Bella.”

I relaxed slightly and took a deep breath, letting her words heal me a little. Aside from Edward, I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had said they were proud of me. Charlie had been a man of few words, and Renee was too self-absorbed to see that I’d needed to hear it.

“Thank you,” I replied quietly. Edward caressed my back soothingly.

“I agree with Esme. You did the right thing. I know you would’ve blamed yourself for any additional lives that might have been lost to Jillian’s thirst, and that guilt would have tormented you. Sometimes… letting nature take its course is the most humane thing you can do. But I’m sorry you had to make that choice for someone else, love. Especially a friend. I’m also sorry that it probably won’t be the last time. Humans die all the time, and we can’t save them all.”

“Nor should we,” Esme agreed.

“So… Will it always feel like this?”

“No,” Edward said softly. “It does get easier. It feels like this now because you knew her so well. Because you loved her. And because you truly knew the cost either way. It was an impossible choice, but you made the right decision. And I’m proud of you too.”

His words soothed the hollow ache in my chest, and I curled into him a little more as I whispered my reply.

“Thank you.”

Chapter 25 Edward

My emotions were in turmoil, and I was grateful my brother wasn’t being subjected to them at the moment. I had to focus on controlling my strength, because if I held Bella as tightly as my instincts demanded, I would shatter her bones. I hated seeing her like this, especially when there was nothing I could do to ease her pain.

There was a part of me, which I was trying very hard to ignore, that was terrified she might change her mind about becoming a vampire now. I would accept it, of course, but it would be excruciatingly painful. And I knew it would be a pain I couldn’t possibly hide from my mate.

Since I’d come back to Bella, I had accepted that she would be like me one day, and that acceptance had brought me a happiness I probably didn’t deserve. Our future was stretched out before us with so much promise… Had that changed? The thought filled me with dread, and I found myself missing Alice’s meddling foresight.

“I’m grateful for everyone’s help,” Bella said, turning her head away from my chest to look at the others. “But can Edward and I be alone for a little while?”

“Of course, dear,” Esme smiled kindly. She stood and bent to kiss Bella’s forehead, beckoning Rose and Emmett to follow her out of the suite. Esme addressed me silently on her way out.

We’ll be in the lounge downstairs. We’ll let you know as soon as we hear from the others. Shall I bring Bella something to eat when we return?

“Yes, please. Thank you,” I answered quietly.

Once Bella and I were alone, the room was silent as a tomb, and my anxiety began to build. Had she asked for privacy so she could tell me she no longer wanted to be with me for eternity? Only a fool would miss the irony of this situation. I had wanted so badly for her to have a human life and be spared the darkness that often went hand-in-hand with immortality. Now I was afraid she might choose that path after all.

“I’ve never felt so desperate to be able to hear your thoughts,” I confessed. “If I thought you could get into subspace right now, you’d be tied to one of the beds before you could blink.”

“I’m afraid that won’t work this time. At least not right now,” Bella smiled sadly.

“Then will you tell me what you’re thinking about?”

She sighed and tilted her head up to meet my gaze.

“Phoenix.”

“Phoenix?”

“The ballet studio,” she clarified. Painfully accurate memories of that horrible night descended upon me, and I hissed at the mental image of my mate, broken and bleeding on the floor. She ignored my primal outburst and continued, “You had a choice then too, and you made it. I was frustrated with you, but… You were right. I didn’t truly know what that choice meant at the time.

“I mean, I knew what it meant for me… But not what it meant for you. I didn’t really understand that both options came with a cost for you, and I was… insensitive. I’m sorry for that.”

“I was never worried about the cost to me, Bella.”

“Some part of you was. It was a complex situation, just like this one with Jillian. There was no perfect option. I get that your bigger concern was my soul, but it was more than that.” There was a hint of challenge in her tone, as though she dared me to deny the truth of her words. I pursed my lips for a long moment but eventually conceded with a nod, and she went on. “At that point, we hadn’t had an open conversation about me becoming like you. Not really. There were too many things left unsaid, and I don’t blame you for being uncertain about what I would’ve wanted.”

“It wasn’t that. I knew you most likely would’ve thrown away your humanity for a chance to be with me forever. I just… didn’t think I was worthy of that kind of sacrifice. The things you worried about for Jillian… the lives she might have taken, her psychological response to being forced into an eternal life she never asked for… I worried about those things for you as well. I couldn’t bear the thought that my mate might wake up despising me. Or worse… despising herself.”

“You’re just as insecure as I am, you know,” Bella scowled, and I smiled in spite of myself.

“Yes.” We looked into each other’s eyes for a long time before I summoned the courage to ask the question that had been tormenting me. “All of this with Jillian… Has it… Do you still…”

I couldn’t bring myself to say the words, but she seemed to understand what I was asking. She sat up in my lap and looked me square in the eye, her tone firm and adamant as she answered.

“I want to be with you forever. Your forever, not just mine. I can make that choice for myself with a clear conscience. But making it for someone else without knowing for certain it’s what they’d want… I couldn’t do that. Just like you couldn’t do it for me in Phoenix.

“I realize now that I was angry with you for that. Mostly because if you’d let me change that night, you’d never have been able to leave me. I wouldn’t have let you. I’ve always wondered how differently things would have gone if you’d just let the venom do its job, and I resented you for making what I’d thought was the wrong choice at the time.

“But now… I can let that go,” she smiled beautifully. “The road not taken is irrelevant now, and all we can do is move forward.”

I cupped her jaw with my large palms and let myself get a little lost in her chocolate brown eyes, relief and hope washing over me.

“I wish you knew just how extraordinary you are, love. Strong, brave, wise, generous, kind, forgiving… I’m so sorry I ever doubted your ability to make this choice for yourself. I wasn’t strong enough or brave enough. I gave in to my fear and lost sight of the truth I’ve known in my heart since the first night I crept into your room and heard you whisper my name in your sleep.”

“What truth is that?” Bella smiled, and I leaned in to kiss her gently.

“That you were always meant to be one of us. And you were always meant to be mine.”

Epilogue Six Months Later

Bella

I took a deep but unnecessary breath, tasting the moisture and energy in the air. A storm was coming, though Alice had promised we would have at least another hour to practice. The wind swirled my long hair around my shoulders, and I could hear the quiet ticking of insects in the grass beneath my feet. An eagle soared overhead, its heartbeat rapid but steady as its wings moved rhythmically against the gray sky.

All of these things I sensed on a lower level of consciousness than most humans could access. My true focus was the man standing before me. He looked as perfect as he always did, with his pale gleaming skin, his tousled bronze hair, those warm golden eyes, and that smile. The smile that was so exquisitely beautiful and that only graced his features when he looked at me. Like the hallucinations from my dim, human memories, he was speaking words that no one but I could hear. But this time, his voice was real.

You’re doing well, love. Stay focused.

Easy for you to say. You just have to stand there, looking like a god and listening for someone else’s thoughts.

You underestimate your ability to distract me, wife.

I smirked in spite of myself, remembering my success at getting the wedding I had wanted. Casual, at home, just the family, with Carlisle officiating. Alice still hadn’t quite gotten over my forbidding her to plan it, but in the end, everyone had agreed to respect my decision. Edward hadn’t cared either way, so long as he got to call me his wife.

Don’t forget the corset you wore beneath your dress and the two weeks of complete privacy we had afterward, he teased, his gaze snaking hungrily down my body. I bit back a moan and sighed again when our silent conversation was interrupted.

“All right, Bella. I want you to keep your mental shield around Edward but lower your physical shield completely. Both layers,” Jasper specified, watching me with interest from a few feet away.

That wasn’t much of a challenge, since I had mastered that particular skill a few months ago. Edward was almost always shielded mentally. It seemed to be my default setting, which was something we’d realized about two-thirds of the way through my change. Not that I’d been able to focus on much of anything apart from the burning.

For a brief moment, however, Edward had thought something was wrong with him because the inner voices that had always intruded in his mind since his own change had gone completely silent. We determined soon after I ‘woke up’ that it seemed to have more to do with our mating connection than with his proximity to me. Even when someone touched me directly, their mind was silent to Edward. I’d never realized how much his telepathic ability had burdened him until that weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Watching him enter a crowded room for the first time without being assaulted by inner monologues had been nothing short of remarkable.

Focus, love, he admonished me. But he was smiling as he read my mind. The sooner we finish, the sooner we can get back to… other activities.

I grinned back at him and renewed my focus, lowering my physical shield completely and testing it by making a decision to challenge Emmett to a high- stakes sparring match next. The winner would have to wear a pink tutu for the next twenty-four hours. Edward chortled, and I shrugged inwardly. I had no intention of losing. Alice’s peal of laughter confirmed that my shield was down, and I felt a wave of confidence from Jasper’s direction.

“Good. Now, teleport behind me so that I’m between you and Edward, but don’t adjust your shields.”

That was a bit more of a challenge, but I managed it with considerable effort.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that,” Emmett said excitedly. After six months, he hadn’t yet lost the tendency to gawk at me when I used some of my other skills.

My shields, already so evolved when I’d been human, had turned out to be only one manifestation of my gift. As Carlisle had speculated, my ability had more to do with adaptation than self-defense. If I needed to be in a certain place, no matter how far away, I could teleport myself there. If I needed to hide the vampire color of my eyes or the diamond-like sparkle of my skin, I could do so. If I needed to be stronger or faster than an opponent, I could be. If I needed to be invisible, I could be. And best of all, if I needed to be impervious to my own thirst or the scent of human blood, I could be.

“This is boring. We already know you can teleport and shield people. We should find you a cliff or something to jump off of. Maybe you can fly!” Emmett grinned, sounding positively gleeful at the prospect. But Alice shook her head firmly.

“There are no cliffs high enough within three hundred miles of here. That would take all day, and Jasper and I have plans later.”

“I’ve never been so grateful for your shield,” Edward said contentedly, enjoying the reprieve from unwelcome mental images.

“Focus, guys,” Jasper reminded us. “Bella, I want you to stop sparkling and keep both Edward and Emmett under your mental shield. Still no physical shields.”

I did so, my eyes narrowing in concentration as I watched my skin lose its luster. While it was a handy skill to have, I preferred to sparkle, regardless of the inconvenience. Seeing the family trait on my own body gave me a feeling of comfort and solidarity. Edward winced a bit as my mental shield expanded to Emmett. He was rarely subjected to his brother’s thoughts anymore, so Emmett tended to take full advantage of every opportunity.

My observations were interrupted by a sudden flash from my right, rapid even to my vampire eyes. Jasper had decided to test my defenses. I reacted instinctively, and his attempt to tackle me was thwarted by the invisible wall that exploded from my body. He huffed impatiently.

“You’ll never learn to fight if you don’t get better control of that shield first.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Try again.”

This time, I forced my physical shields to remain dormant, and he flew at me without meeting any barrier. I was able to dodge a few of his blows, and the ones that found their target weren’t painful. I maneuvered quickly, utilizing the combat skills I’d learned by watching my family spar. I could tell Jasper was holding back, so I dropped to the ground and swung my leg wide to knock him off balance. It didn’t work, of course. Jasper was far too skilled to be taken down by a newborn with virtually no combat experience.

“You don’t need to worry so much about defending yourself. I can’t really hurt you,” he reminded me. “Use that to your advantage. You have to find a way to turn the action in your favor. Fight with offensive maneuvers rather than simply blocking me.”

Jasper wasn’t projecting encouragement anymore. The emotional atmosphere had shifted so gradually, I hadn’t noticed it right away, but now I felt it. Doubt, fear, anxiety… I tried to ignore it for a few more seconds as I fought for the upper hand, but Jasper was gaining too much ground.

Without withdrawing from the fight, I raised the first layer of my physical shield. It was the part that kept his and Alice’s gifts from working on me. I’d learned to use it as a mirror of sorts, and I shifted it carefully to reflect Jasper’s talent back at him. It took him a moment to realize what I’d done, but he faltered just enough for me to switch completely to offensive tactics. When we finally came to a standstill, I was perched on his back with my teeth at his neck.

“Well done,” Jasper praised, shaking me off gently.

“Thanks,” I grinned, accepting a fist bump from Emmett.

Alice and Edward were beaming as well, but Edward’s approving smile transformed to a snarl. His head snapped toward Emmett with a feral hiss. Still under my mental shield, Edward had had no problem hearing Emmett’s thoughts. I wanted to hear too, so I adapted to match Edward’s ability and listened in.

I’m not talking stakes and bonfires, Eddie, just a little experimenting with a lighter.

Oh… He wanted to see if I was fireproof.

“I’m willing to try,” I said aloud, which only seemed to anger Edward further.

“Not happening.”

“Can someone please share with the class?” Alice asked irritably, her vision once again blocked by my shield. I removed the mental shield from Emmett to give Edward a break, returning to my ‘default setting.’

“I want to see if Bells is fireproof on top of everything else,” Emmett explained. Alice and Jasper looked nervous but intrigued, and Alice’s eyes went to Edward’s furious expression, then to me.

“Even if you let me peek at your future, I probably wouldn’t be able to see the outcome.”

“Why not?” I frowned.

“Because there’s no way in hell I’m letting you do something so dangerous,” Edward growled.

“But we already know I can camouflage, teleport, and block pretty much everything. I’m untrackable, untouchable, immortal… Maybe I’m indestructible too. We know venom doesn’t hurt me like it should, and I’m sure I could adapt so that no one could tear me apart, so we should see if--”

“No, Isabella.”

The remainder of my argument died in my throat as I heard the altered timbre of his words in both his voice and his thoughts. I sometimes imagined it was something like the Quileute alpha’s command. Although it didn’t revoke my free will, it sure as hell compelled my submission.

I lowered my eyes instinctively and felt a flicker of arousal rekindling between my thighs. My desire for Edward was never far beneath the surface, and judging by the look on his face--and Jasper’s--Edward was feeling the same. I wrapped my physical shield around Edward as well, giving Jasper some relief, and the latter shot me a grateful smile.

It seems you need a reminder of the rule you agreed to follow, Edward told me, pulling me into his arms and tilting my chin upward. His eyes were black with lust. It still applies, whether you’re indestructible or not.

Yes, Sir, I thought, exhaling in a rush as he showed me a glimpse of the fun he had planned for me when we got back to our cabin.

“Man,” Emmett sulked out loud. “There they go again. It’ll be days till we see them next.”

“Oh, stop whining,” Alice replied. “Rose and Esme will be home in thirteen minutes.”

They’d driven into the nearest town, some twenty miles away, to donate some clothing to the local Goodwill store. Once I’d learned to move like a human, I’d been able to tag along for such trips, but my brothers had had their hearts set on training today. Food and clothing donations were just the tip of the iceberg when it came to the Cullen family’s charitable efforts, and since I’d become an official part of the family, I had stepped into the role of benefactor as well.

Even after the arrest and conviction of the men who had been responsible for Jillian’s death, the tragic way she’d lost her life had haunted me. It had been Edward who had suggested starting a scholarship for social work majors in her name, and the first recipient of the Jillian Lowe Memorial Scholarship had started her freshman year just a few months ago. I knew a part of me would always grieve for her, but being able to put a little of the Cullen fortune toward preserving her memory was a comfort.

Emmett had perked up at the imminent arrival of his mate and promptly bolted for the main hunting lodge most of the family had been living in since we’d left Chicago. There were a few outlying cabins on the vast property, and each couple had made use of them for privacy at one point or another. Jasper and Alice waved to us before taking off for one of them, and Edward smiled down at me as they disappeared.

“Alone at last, Mrs. Cullen,” he crooned, his eyes alight with mischief. “Now, I can make you scream as long and as loudly as I want.”

I shivered in his arms, though of course, I felt no cold. We reached our own little cabin in seconds, but it still wasn’t fast enough for me. It was a pity my teleportation ability didn’t expand to Edward as well. He lifted me off my feet and deposited me onto the bed a fifteenth of a second later, tearing the clothes from my body and then from his own.

Our power exchange dynamic was a little different now, and yet some things had remained the same. I was still the one with the ultimate control, but I didn’t need a safeword to exercise it. No bonds could hold or silence me save for the bond I shared with my mate. I had found, to my surprise, that submission still tasted just as sweet as it always had with Edward. Now, we were truly equals. Two souls who fit as perfectly as puzzle pieces, bound irrevocably for all time.

No matter how strong or powerful I might be, my surrender would always belong to him. Edward used his domination to take me to new heights, playing on my enhanced senses at every opportunity and taking full advantage of our inexhaustible stamina.

I reached my seventh orgasm as I straddled his hips, my back resting against his chest. Each powerful thrust propelled me further into oblivion, prolonged by the constant pressure of his fingertips against my clit. Edward’s teeth found purchase on my neck, but I felt no sting of venom. The bite wasn’t meant to mark me but rather to remind me.

I was his, just as he was mine.

Eternally.

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