Moving On: a Novel
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MOVING ON: A NOVEL A thesis submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Arts By BRIAN PATRICK LEINGANG B.A., Miami University, 1999 2007 Wright State University WRIGHT STATE UNIVERSITY SCHOOL OF GRADUATE STUDIES __May 29, 2007_ I HEREBY RECOMMEND THAT THE THESIS PREPARED UNDER MY SUPERVISION BY Brian Leingang ENTITLED Moving On: A Novel BE ACCEPTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF Master of Arts Brady Allen, M.A. Thesis Co-Director Carol Loranger, Ph.D Thesis Co-Director Henry Limouze, Ph.D. Department Chair Committee on Final Examination Brady Allen, M.A Erin Flanagan, Ph.D. Alpana Sharma, Ph.D. Joseph F. Thomas, Jr., Ph.D. Dean, School of Graduate Studies ABSTRACT Leingang, Brian Patrick. M.A., Department of English Languages and Literature, Wright State University, 2007. Moving On: A Novel. Hank Fossett had the perfect life with his girlfriend, Liz: a steady job, a promising career as a local artist, a healthy relationship with a wonderful woman, all while living in the cosmopolitan city of Blophton. But Hank was just dumped and didn’t see it coming. Now, after four years with his girlfriend, he’s alone and must figure out how to get over the girl who broke his heart. turns to his friends to help him try to get Liz back. Instead, they help Hank get over Liz in a series of twelve steps crafted by Hank’s old friend and war veteran, Chuck. Many of these steps are intuitive, such as feeling sorry for yourself and remembering the bad times. Other steps lead Hank back into the direction of his friends and then encourage him to make new friends. Eventually, with the help of his friend Cheryl, who introduces him to the world of online dating, Hank dates again. As Hank follows the steps to move on from his relationship, he begins to realize that his friends, and his father, have more serious problems: Chuck has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from his time in Afghanistan, Cheryl is trying to get over being sexually assaulted, Hank’s father, a physician, still blames himself from the death of Hank’s grandfather. While Hank is moving on, another narrator fills in the past, moving backwards from days just before Hank was dumped to the very first time Hank iii and Liz met. In these passages, we learn that his relationship with Liz wasn’t as solid as he thought it was. Hank accepts his mistakes and moves on from Liz as the twelve step program leads him in new directions in life he never expected to go. iv TABLE OF CONTENTS INTRODUCTION . .1 CHAPTER 1: STEP 1 . .3 CHAPTER 2: STEP 2 . .24 CHAPTER 3: STEP 3 . .44 CHAPTER 4: STEP 4 . .59 CHAPTER 5: STEP 4, STILL . 71 CHAPTER 6: STEP 6 . .87 CHAPTER 7: STEP 5 & 7 . 104 CHAPTER 8: STEP 7 (CONTINUED) & 8 . .124 CHAPTER 9: STEP 8, AGAIN . 145 CHAPTER 10: STEP 9 &10 . 166 CHAPTER 11: STEP 11 . 183 CHAPTER 12: STEP 12 . 206 v INTRODUCTION The first week, I do nothing. Let’s get one thing straight: this is not a love story. Don’t forget it. This is a story about falling out of love, about a man with a broken heart who’s trying to deal with it. The names of people and places have been changed to protect the innocent and the not-so innocent. The story of what actually happened took place in a well known east coast city in Massachusetts. It’s the story teller’s prerogative to change location, and they do, often to New York City. But this story teller isn’t going to do that because too many stories already take place there. Yet, there are things about a big city that are integral to the story, such as subways and historic buildings that can’t be found in any random town such as Jerkfalls, IA. Instead, this story teller will make up a town. Screw it, let’s just call it Blophton. Yeah, you try to rename a city on the spur of the moment, let’s see how good it is. As for characters, people come and go. There are only two people you really need to know. Henry is the man with the broken heart, and Elizabeth is the 1 woman with the hammer, or chainsaw, or whatever is used to break hearts. Henry goes by Hank and Hank calls Elizabeth “Diz,” but you’ll work that out. Now, for plot: forget boy meets girl—this boy has already lost her. Boy is trying to get over a girl. Not intellectual enough? Here’s a metaphor: Love is dead. If Eros, that incarnation of emotion, physically resides in our hearts like that jerk Plato said, then the corpse is rotting in Hank and everyone can smell it. This story is the composition of the decomposition of Eros. That’s not literal enough for you? Try this then: the story deals with a single event, a splash in the waters of Hank’s life with the concentric water rings rippling the present, future, and the past. This story follows Hank through his healing. Nothing remarkable happens. And no, there is no traditional happy ending. And if you’re looking for some heartfelt reunion, forget it: he doesn’t get her back. 2 CHAPTER 1 STEP 1 It’s finally Saturday and I’ve called in sick to work everyday since Wednesday. I haven’t left my apartment. I can’t eat, can’t sleep. The TV is on but I can’t focus for more than a few minutes. She left me on the vernal equinox. Winter ends when Persephone leaves Hades after a long winter to return to her mother. How fitting: only five days into spring and I’m dying while everything else is being reborn. I’m not really dying, but I smell like it. Heartache has an all too familiar scent, reminiscent of a reclusive elderly neighbor who’s passing-on isn’t discovered until our olfactory glands tell us something’s not right. I’m sure people would avoid me, if I were around them. I haven’t showered or eaten in days and it hurts to move. I know I need to get out of this apartment. My phone has been ringing, but I don’t answer because none of the calls are her. As for the voicemails, I know who they’re from and what they’re concerning. Word spreads fast. Pulling my body out of the sofa, I stand to turn off the TV (I don’t even care what’s on and I can’t find the remote, but I just want some noise to drown out the noise in my head), and walk out the door. I’m going to the studio—maybe I can paint something, anything to get my mind off of her. I walk like a zombie. 3 I stare at the ground during the five block that separate my apartment from the studio, marveling at all the cracks. They’re intricate and everywhere. I see the section that turns to brick and wonder if the bricks were ever level and when. Then there are the curbs, well worn granite eroded by rain, strollers, and old-lady shopping carts. I arrive at the studio and stop in front of the entrance. I can’t escape her. My apartment is filled with reminders, pictures, her lingering scent. The studio, where we first met four and a half years ago, bears the burden of our first memories. It’s the alpha and nearly the omega. I was painting when she called to break up with me. She wanted to me to come to Walters Playground, the halfway point between our apartments, to end our relationship. I didn’t know she was going to do that, she just said to meet her immediately. Of course, I dropped everything and haven’t picked up yet. I’m standing outside the building that houses my studio. My legs resist, but it’s my place, my creative center. My feet drag the rest of me to the door and up the stairs to the second floor. Cheryl and Miriam are there. It’s sometime in the late afternoon and the sun is setting in the bay windows overlooking the waterfront. They’re drinking coffee and talking; they stop as soon as they see me come in. I want to be alone, but they pay their share of the rent and have a right to be here. Miriam doesn’t 4 hold eye contact and I know she knows everything. Miriam is Diz’s best friend, so now that she knows, Cheryl knows. They swarm me, hugging me and Oh-Hank-we’re-so-sorry-ing me. “We tried calling,” Cheryl says. She hasn’t let go of me and we’re standing in the foyer of the studio. “Yeah.” I say my first words to anyone in two days. “I haven’t felt like talking.” Miriam, Cheryl, and George have all called—the entire studio knows my situation. How long have they known, especially Miriam. Did she know it was going to happen? “We’re glad you came out Hank,” Miriam tells me. “We were worried. You okay?” “I’m alright,” I breathe out. It hurts. I’ve been avoiding people because of that very question. No, I am not okay. I feel trampled, squished flat, and there’s this corpse of a god decaying in my chest.