The Late Late Show with James Corden Writer Submission by Kelsey Amentt

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Monologue Jokes

Betsy DeVos is scaling back on the Title IX strides Obama put in place to protect sexual assault victims. Giving shitty men another reason to do as they please without any consequence, or as she calls it the “Presidential” treatment.

DeVos has even made the argument that the current rules in place are unfair to “all sides”. The only reason why this administration keeps calling for all sides to be treated fairly is because they’re on the wrong one.

Ever since “Lemonade” came out, people have decided that the term “Becky” is a representation of white, female privilege, but I think DeVos is making a real case for changing that to “Betsy”. No offense, Bey.

Speaking of Beyonce, earlier this week was the icon’s birthday. In honor of that, several of her close friends and family dressed up like the star, including former first lady, Michelle Obama. We’re just thankful Melania didn’t try to appropriate that one.

In an interview with Charlie Rose, former Chief Strategist, Steve Bannon, insisted he is a “street fighter” compared to Trump. Between all the street fighters, he probably thinks he’s like Guile when really he’s more like Rufus.

Another former Trump staffer, Sean Spicer will be interviewed for the first time since leaving the white house by none other than ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel. While most would find this concerning that a former staffer is doing an exit interview on a talk show, the whole deal was offered over Twitter to make it more “legit”.

Equifax, one of three nationwide credit-reporting companies, was affected by a recent data breach where cybercriminals stole people’s private information. Don’t be surprised if you meet a Donaldo Trumpe from Mexico on your next trip to Cabo.

The past two weeks we’ve seen Harvey in Houston, Irma in the Caribbean and Florida, wildfires in Oregon, Montana, and California, an 8.0 magnitude earthquake in Mexico, and a tsunami in Central America. Mother Earth’s just trying to see how far she can go before somebody finally calls her on her bullshit.

The internet is freaking out after One Direction’s Zayn Malik released his new single, “From Dusk till Dawn” with a picture of his newly shaved head. He’s just preparing for when he actually loses his hair to over bleaching and fans tearing it out.

A young boy’s heart stopped after taking too large of a bite of hot dog. Once resuscitated, doctors learned that the piece of food had hit his vagus nerve causing his heartbeat to become abnormal. Every girl is gonna be using that excuse now to get out of BJs.

Ideas for Desk Pieces, Sketches, and More

Picking Up What I’m Putting Down A fun, song competition piece where James and his guest go back and forth singing pieces of popular songs and hitting a buzzer where they pick up what their last word was and starting a new song. For example, James starts off with “Shape of You” and gets to the word “jukebox”, his guest hits the buzzer and it switches over to them and they sing “I Love Rock N’ Roll” starting with “Put another dime in the jukebox, baby”. This continues until they get stumped or 1 minute has passed since a buzz in.

Native Son A desk piece where James reads a letter addressed to Mother England from naughty, stupid, dick pic sharing America about the latest in our mishaps and “triumphs” as a country. Performed in the style of a young preteen boys camp letter to his parents.

ImmiGREAT With the recent controversy surrounding DACA and the uptick in xenophobic harassment, James will dive deep into telling one great story a week about someone who immigrated to the U.S. Whether it’s Milana Vayntraub’s experiences as a soviet refugee and her success in America or Jerry Yang who came from Taiwan knowing barely any English but ended up creating Yahoo, these stories will be triumphs of the human spirit and help bridge the gap between different cultural experiences.

Huh? What Now? Parody music video sketches where James does his version of a popular song but with lyrics that are just a little off that change the entire meaning. For example, Despacito turns into “Desperate Cheeto”, a song about Donald Trump’s attempts to shift the focus off of his Russian connections.