RIPRazorcake LV D ERQD¿ GHTHIS QRQSUR¿W PXVLF PDJD]LQH GHGLFDWHG PAGE WR If you wish to donate through the mail,OUT supporting independent music culture. All donations, subscriptions, and please rip this page out and send it to: PLEASE orders directly to us—regardless of amount—have been essential to our Razorcake/Gorsky Press, Inc. continued survival. $WWQ1RQSUR¿W0DQDJHU “Hey, bro. I didn’t see Razorcake at the megastore. Where can I get PO Box 42129 a copy?” Los Angeles, CA 90042 Razorcake hides in plain sight. If you want to get a copy, it’s really simple. If you’re not fortunate to live by an independent store that carries us, you can order from us directly, either through the website via an Name online merchant that accepts credit cards or the mail with a check, cash, Address or money order. Bang! We send you a year’s worth of zines directly to your house. You put Razorcake on top of your toilet. 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Contact us via www.razorcake.org if you’d like to help out. Thank you. –Todd Taylor Subscription rates for a one year, six-issue subscription: SUBSCRIBEU.S.U.S – bulk: $16.50 • U.S. – 1st class , in envelope: $22.50 Prisoners: $22.50 • Canada: $25.00 • Mexico: $33.00 Anywhere else: $50.00 (U.S. funds: checks, cash, or money order) We Do Our Part www.razorcake.org Name Email Used if we have any questions. We won’t bother you needlessly. Address City State Zip U.S. subscribers (sorry world, int’l postage sucks) will receive either Be My Doppelganger, No Compsure (It’s Alive), The Brokedowns, Species Bender (Red Scare), or Leatherface, The Stormy Petrel (No Idea). Although it never hurts to circle one, we can’t promise what you’ll get. Yes! I have a turntable. Yes! I’d like to be on the Razorcake Website Army list. Return this with your payment to: Razorcake, PO Box 42129, LA, CA 90042 If you want your subscription to start with an issue other than #61, please indicate what number. RAZOR CAKE .ORG INCREDIBLE THAT'S Gold-painted Shovels If I’d known about the blues, I’d’ve been humming a Son JRNDUWVGRLQJWULFNV7KH\MXVWKDGWKRVHIROGDEOHKDWVZKHUHWKH\¶G House song. If I’d known about punk then, I’d’ve been singing stick miscellaneous pins, like military pins next to Snoopy pins. ³:RUOGXS0\$VV´E\WKH&LUFOH-HUNV,ZDVMXVWDNLG,WZDV We’d been shoveling rocks all day. A landscaping company had probably Huey Lewis, Weird Al Yankovic, or something off left mounds the length of the property. We were slowly spreading the Pac Man Fever soundtrack since I owned exactly those them all out. At about noon, two of the old Elks guys came outside, three cassettes. It was well over one hundred degrees. We were VTXLQWHGDWWKHVXQODLGGRZQVRPHQHZVSDSHURQWKHVLGHZDONQHDU shoveling granite rocks. Little ones, but big piles of them. It’s the entrance, produced two pointy-tipped shovels, then spray painted not like we were on a chain gang, but it was hot outside of the the blades gold. They came back out a couple hours later, turned the (ONV/RGJH,WKLQNWKHJUDVVKDGMXVWEHHQUHPRYHG9LVTXHHQ shovels over, and spray painted the other side of the blades. was laid down, and we were spreading out the rocks. It’s called By the end of the day, we were pooped and stopped for a [HULVFDSLQJQRZ:HMXVWFDOOHGWKHPURFNJDUGHQV water break. We had two or three more mounds to go. The two old I was a boy scout and our troop was sponsored by the Elks men, accompanied by a third with a camera, walked to one of the Lodge. They let us use their conference room for our meetings. We’d remaining mounds, stuck their gold-painted shovel blades into the repay them with volunteer work. Being a boy scout is one of the gravel, and posed for the camera. Flash. Then thumb cranking on a most un-punk things to admit. Conformity. Uniforms. Volunteerism. disposable camera a couple more times until the third guy gave them Quasi-militarism. Not cool to homosexuals. I started scouts when the thumbs up. I was young. I liked camping, tying knots, hiking, learning how to “I think we got it.” survive outdoors. It was a good time. The three of them didn’t talk to any of the scouts. After they The Elks—I’m still not sure what Elks promote—weren’t like ¿QLVKHGWKH\ZDONHGGLUHFWO\EDFNLQWRWKH(ONVEDUVKRYHOVDQG the more self-explanatory Veterans of Foreign Wars or the American all. I thought it was funny that they had the wrong type of shovels. /HJLRQRUWKHPRUHP\VWHULRXVVRXQGLQJ)UHH0DVRQV)URPZKDW, 7KH\¶G QHHG VTXDUHWLSSHG EODGHV LI WKH\ UHDOO\ ZDQWHG WR PRYH could tell, they were mostly old guys who’d smoke, drink discounted some gravel. drinks, and gamble in the bar across the hall from our meeting room. A week later, when I opened up the local paper, I saw the photo Sometimes, they’d mistakenly take a left instead of a right, look of the two old men and their gold-bladed shovels with the caption, confused when they saw a bunch of boys in olive green pants and “Local Elks help Boy Scout troop with rock garden,” I realized that EHLJHVKLUWVVTXLQWDWXVDQGWKHQLWZDVEDFNRXWRIWKHURRP7KH they had no intention of moving any gravel… but they got exactly only other time I saw them outside of the building was during the what they were after. –Todd Taylor )RXUWKRI-XO\SDUDGHV7KH\ZHUHQ¶WDVFRRODVWKH6KULQHUVLQWKHLU THANK YOU: From the verdant shores of Portland, Oregon, to the wind- AD / CONTRIBUTOR DEADLINES Contact Razorcake via our regularly swept deserts of Istanbul, Daryl Gussin rocked the Red Dons cover and updated website, www.razorcake.org Mateus Mondini brung the photos; Quixotian poo vapor thanks to Brad Beshaw for the illo. in Sean’s column; Jolly Green Giant’s prosthetic leg ISSUE #61 or PO Box 42129, LA, CA 90042 Feb 1st, 2011 thanks to Bill Pinkel for his illo. in Jim’s column; Crows-in-a-void thanks for Steve Larder for his illo. in Amy’s column; Shit’d just be black and ISSUE #62 ”If Mr. Mom was a white without it thanks to Nation of Amanda for her water coloring Mitch’s April 1st, 2011 column; Just image red where it says “red” and we’d have a color page documentary, I'd be your thanks to Danny Martin for his illo. in Nardwuar’s column; Go to Nørb’s Visit www.razorcake.org Michael Keaton, you're for slashed prices on magnets thanks to Ryan Gelatin for his illo.; Eternal Click “Ads” for rates and details. touchdown of the soul thanks to Dan “The Eggman” Eggert for his Rhythm Our ad rates are super duper. my Terri Garr... can I get a Chicken photo; “First dibs on the Ramonkeys shirt. I’m a large,” thanks to really cool monkey?” Jason Armadillo for his illo. in Dale’s column; Does divine intervention Cover design by Daryl Gussin trump parking signs? I do believe you are correct, thanks to Jackie Rusted Cover photos by Mateus Mondini –Too Many Daves, "Dudes Room" for her illo. in Gary’s column; I wish good people were immortal, part I, flickr.com/photos/mateuspatche thanks to Jennifer Whiteford and Chris Peigler for the Ari Up remembrance and photos; Raising standards and documenting the ever-loving hell out This issue is dedicated to the memories of Jess The Mess and Leslie Nielsen. of a relevant topic thanks to Kevin Dunn for his great work on “How to Start Your Own DIY Record Label”; In a world where vacuum tubes and vinyl records walk and talk, of course the records smoke and 40 ouncers drink thimble-sized bottles named “beer” thanks to Craig Horky for his illustrations; I think I see the machine that goes “bing” in the background thanks to Ryan Leach, Alejandro Larin Baranda, and Lauren Measure for the interview, illustrations, and layout of Wyn Davis; “Can you give me a wee more Econochrist in the monitor and wee less Born Against? …Perfect” PD=JGO PK #=P /E?D 4=NSE?G 'K=JJ !KJJAHHU /E?DEA 1QBłJE =J@ (AEPD Rosson for all their help with the Rations interview; Okay, you’re sayin’, “Man, I miss the Observers.