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‘Natural Mothering’ Deconstructed: Popularization of Attachment Theory, & Privilege

Julia Fuller-Kling

September 2010 – May 2011 Division III Project

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Table of Contents 1 Introduction

2 Our First Relationship

Context of the - Relationship

3 Attachment Theory

Mother-Infant Attachment Relationship Qualities and their Consequences on Adulthood

Secure Attachment

Insecure Avoidant Attachment

Insecure Ambivalent Attachment

4 Attachment Theory Popularized

Attachment Theory Popularized: Parenting Advice for Secure Mother-Infant Attachment

Breastfeeding

Babywearing

Co-Sleeping (‘The Family Bed’)

5 Attachment Parenting and Privilege

6 Criticism of Attachment Parenting

7 Conclusion

8 Appendix

9 References ~ 3 ~

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Introduction

The purpose of this analysis is to examine the importance of the quality of relationship between mother and baby, and the parenting advice that it is offered to about how to foster a secure attachment relationship with their baby.

I chose this topic for analysis for personal reasons. For the past four years, I have immersed myself in studying child psychology, parenting, and the mother-infant relationship, and cared for babies and young children as a nanny, and in childcare centers and parent-child classes. As a nanny, I cared for a 6-month-old baby whose mother was struggling with post- partum depression, social isolation, lack of emotional and practical support, a childhood history of abuse, and a fear that her baby didn‘t love her and wasn‘t ‗attached‘ to her. As a nanny I also cared for three young children of a mother who practiced attachment parenting – it was the first time that I had encountered Babywearing, co-sleeping, and extended on-demand , and I was intrigued. I described these practices to my own mother, and she explained that she too practiced attachment parenting, revealing that I am a product of attachment parenting. My mother had a natural birth and breastfed me on-demand for over 2 years until I communicated that I was ready to stop nursing, my mother and father carried me in wraps and slings close to their body, I slept in their room with them until I stopped breastfeeding, I was not given a

‗transitional object‘ like a pacifier, and I spent the majority of my time as a baby with my mother, carried and held by her.

Attachment parenting asserts that Babywearing and physical closeness, breastfeeding for as long as the child wants to, and co-sleeping contributes to a healthy emotional life for the baby ~ 4 ~ and for the mother. My mother learned about the benefits of these practices in a parent-child class she attended, but many mothers who practice attachment parenting may not be conscious of the psychological theories and sociocultural values that led to the construction of these practices.

I wanted to investigate attachment parenting because it is portrayed as being radical and alternative, and present an analysis of extended on-demand breastfeeding and infant-led weaning, Babywearing, and co-sleeping, in light of child psychology, culture, and privilege1.

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Our First Relationship

To begin examining the importance of the mother-infant relationship, a famous phrase by pediatrician and child psychiatrist Donald Winnicott, provides a starting point: he argued that

―there is no such thing as an infant, only mother and infant together‖ (Winnicott 1987).

Psychologists have theorized about and analyzed the mother-infant relationship more than any other – why? Why is this first relationship so important? According to attachment theorist Mary

Ainsworth, the quality of the mother-infant relationship is significant because it can influence and shape how a person will behave in all subsequent intimate relationships throughout life

(Ainsworth 1989). The quality of the mother‘s care and responsiveness during infancy leaves a mark on a person‘s psyche, as the pattern of relating that is formed through the first relationship is powerful (What Babies Want 2004).

1 In this analysis, ‗privileged‘ is defined as a mother who, because of her socioeconomic status (White, upper-middle class, educated, married), can afford to choose to be a stay-at-home mother and practice attachment parenting. ~ 5 ~

Context of the Mother-Infant Relationship

The importance of the mother-infant relationship can be explored through many different lenses. The Freudian psychoanalytic lens theorizes that the quality of the experience of breastfeeding influences the infant‘s psychological and emotional development (Freud 1856-

1939). The Eriksonian lens theorizes that infancy is characterized by a conflict over ‗trust vs. mistrust,‘ and an infant‘s learned trust or mistrust in the mother based on her consistency and responsiveness profoundly influences an infant‘s personality development (Erikson 1980). I choose the lens of attachment theory because it has been popularized and used to construct a style of parenting, called ―attachment parenting,‖ that is worthy of analysis.

Attachment theory and attachment parenting focus on the infant and the mother. In

1950‘s America, when attachment theory and research was emerging, only 16% of babies had mothers who worked outside the home (Westman 2001). But American motherhood has changed since the 1950‘s, and the concentration on the mother-infant attachment relationship in theory, research, and attachment parenting practices is now paradoxical because babies are often not cared for by their mother, instead babies are cared for by nannies or cared for in childcare centers. Mothers receive twelve weeks of unpaid maternity leave (Family & Medical Leave Act

2008), as a consequence they must return to work immediately and may not be able to develop the bond with their baby that society tells them is so important (Belsky & Rovine 1988).

American mothers are confronted with pressure from child psychologists, pediatricians, and parenting books and magazines that assert that the quality of the mother-infant relationship is critical, and as a consequence mothers may feel judged, guilty, and ashamed when they are not fulfilling society‘s expectations of what it means to be a ―good mother.‖ Privileged American mothers who can financially afford to not return to work, and who can and choose stay-at-home ~ 6 ~ motherhood in order to practice attachment parenting, are the mothers that I will be analyzing.

This small group of privileged mothers view themselves as radical and alternative because they are choosing stay-at-home motherhood. These modern American mothers may be living the lifestyle of the 1950‘s stay-at-home mother, but they argue that they are not obligated to stay-at- home motherhood; they are choosing stay-at-home motherhood in order to practice a style of parenting that they believe requires this lifestyle (Bobel 2002).

Is the ―good mother‖ a stay-at-home mother? Is the ―good mother‖ a mother who balances mothering with a job outside the home? Who constructs what is a ―good mother‖?

These questions are profoundly important throughout this analysis. 3

Attachment Theory

The theory of attachment, the lens I use to analyze the importance of the mother-infant relationship, was developed in the 1950‘s and continues to be studied and applied today.

Attachment theory was developed by child psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, and ethologist John

Bowlby and later with developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth. Bowlby initiated his work as a child psychiatrist during World War II, a time when and young children were being separated from or deprived from contact with their mothers. Concerned and eager to understand the affects of maternal separation and deprivation on infants and young children, Bowlby began to study the children who had suffered from this trauma at mental health hospitals and child guidance centers and found that the impact of maternal deprivation on the children‘s mental health and well-being was extremely negative (‗Maternal Care and Mental Health‘ 1951). Later,

Bowlby (1958) proposed his theory of mother-infant attachment, which was described in his ~ 7 ~ paper, ‗The Nature of the Child‘s Tie to His Mother.‘ Bowlby asserted that a baby needs to develop an emotional, psychological, and physiological bond with the mother, and the quality of this bond depends on the mother‘s responsiveness to her infant. Bowlby and Ainsworth (1991) proposed that this bond can be either secure, insecure avoidant, insecure ambivalent, or insecure disorganized (insecure disorganized will not be included in this analysis). Ainsworth (1978) studied secure and insecure attachment using a method she developed called the ‗Strange

Situation,‘ which codes the interactions between mother and infant at separations and reunions and classifies the infant as securely attached, ambivalently attached, or avoidantly attached. At separation, the method assesses the infant‘s level of trust in the mother, and at reunion, whether an infant seeks contact and comfort with security, seeks contact and comfort with ambivalence, or avoids the mother.

A securely attached infant and an insecurely attached infant develop distinctly different models of relating. Bowlby (1988) argued that an infant‘s ‗internal working model‘ is a representation of an accumulation of experiences with the mother, a ‗map‘ of memories that affects the infant‘s behavior and expectations of others throughout life. Bowlby and Ainsworth

(1991) proposed that infants behave in ways that elicit the mother‘s responsiveness and strengthen their bond, behaviors that include crying when separated from the mother, clinging to the mother when distressed, and seeking physical contact with the mother for comfort. Infants are dependent upon the mother for comfort, soothing, and calming, and these behaviors are meant to elicit this response from the mother. The mother‘s quality of response to her infant‘s behavior determines the infant‘s level of security. Bowlby argued that the Latin root of the word

‗security‘ means ―without anxiety,‖ therefore a securely attached infant is ‗without anxiety‘ ~ 8 ~ because the mother provides consistent, sensitive comforting and soothing which alleviates the infant‘s anxiety (Bowlby & Ainsworth 1991).

Mother-Infant Attachment Relationship Qualities and their Consequences

Attachment theorists Bowlby and Ainsworth categorized behaviors that are characteristic of a securely attached infant, an insecure avoidantly attached infant, and an insecure ambivalently attached infant. I will examine the consequences of attachment insecurity on adulthood, analyzing the psychological and emotional well-being of the adult based on the quality of their attachment relationship during infancy (see Appendix for history and assessment of Adult Attachment).

Secure Attachment

According to Bowlby and Ainsworth‘s theory of attachment (1991), infants who are securely attached to their mother trust that they will be consistently responded to with warmth and sensitivity. Securely attached infants seek and receive comfort from their mother and their emotions are healthily regulated by their mother. The securely attached infant‘s representation of the mother is as emotionally available and able to provide comfort and soothing and able to resolve moments of disharmony (Bowlby 1988).

Brazelton and Cramer propose that there are four attributes of a secure attachment relationship – synchrony, symmetry, contingency, and entrainment (Sills 2009, p. 239).

Synchrony is the mother‘s accurate attunement and response to the infant‘s communication of their emotions and needs, for example a mother is in synchrony with her baby when she responds sensitively to her distressed baby‘s crying. Symmetry refers to the mother mirroring the infant‘s ~ 9 ~ actions which fosters the infant‘s sense of self. Contingency is characterized by a harmonious signaling of needs and emotions between mother and infant, for example during breastfeeding.

Entrainment is when the mother reflects back the infant‘s emotional states to help the infant understand their emotions.

Secure attachment has also been conceptualized by psychoanalytic pediatrician Donald

Winnicott, who proposed that the mother of a securely attached infant ‗holds‘ her baby‘s emotions. ‗Holding‘ is a concept that is used to describe the mother‘s awareness of and sensitivity to her baby‘s emotions and needs. ‗Holding‘ provides psychological and emotional containment, which is soothing and comforting for a baby. Stern proposes that ‗holding‘ provides a baby with a feeling that their ―experience can be understood and shared with another‖

(Karen, 1994, p. 349).

Winnicott (1987) proposed that the quality of the mother-infant attachment can be evaluated by the non-verbal, bodily characteristics. Winnicott argued that infants are sensitive to nonverbal communication, therefore the quality of the mother‘s touch is important, especially when breastfeeding and holding. In a secure attachment relationship, physical closeness offers emotional comfort and soothing, as I will discuss in light of breastfeeding later in this analysis.

Karen (1994) proposes that a secure attachment relationship with our mother makes us feel

―a part of her…and as we become aware of our separateness, we feel known by her in a way that helps us know ourselves, and that warms us, making us feel loved and secure‖ (p. 14). Winnicott

(1987) argues that an infant‘s feeling of connectedness with the mother supports the development of the infant‘s sense of self; he proposed that ―I am‘ means nothing unless ‗I‘ at the beginning ‗am along with another being who has not yet been differentiated off‖ (p. 12) and that from this sense of belonging to the mother, the infant‘s sense of ‗self‘ and their ~ 10 ~ awareness of being separate develop in a psychologically healthy way. Winnicott‘s reference to becoming ‗separate‘ from the mother is a culturally constructed concept, rooted in Western culture‘s belief in individualism and individuation.

According to adult attachment theorists like Sroufe (2005), Hazan and Chaver, and

Ainsworth (1989) a securely attached infant becomes a securely attached adult, who trusts others, and seeks intimacy, closeness, and interdependency in their relationships. Bowlby believed that in adulthood, ―self reliance and healthy mutual dependence are inexorably linked‖

(Karen, 1994, p. 382) and result from the experience of secure dependence on the mother during infancy. The mother provided consistent emotional availability and sensitive responsiveness, from which the infant learned that people can be trusted. Unlike ambivalently attached adults who may feel anxious that people will abandon them, or avoidantly attached adults who feel afraid of closeness and intimacy – securely attached adults have faith that people will be reliable, available, caring and supportive. Securely attached adults feel ―a strong sense of having been loved and of having confidence in one‘s essential ability to love and be loved‖ (Karen, 1994, p.

382).

Insecure Avoidant Attachment

Attachment theory proposes that infants who receive consistent rejection and emotional unavailability from their mother develop an avoidant attachment (Bowlby & Ainsworth 1991), and withdraw from their mother and shut down emotionally. Gerhardt (2004) argues that infants react in this way because they ―sense that their dependence and neediness is unwelcome, so they learn to hide their feelings‖ (p. 93). Avoidant attachment develops when the mother cannot be emotionally available to her baby; she is unable to be attentive, warm, accessible, and present, perhaps due to , trauma, abuse, or substance addiction, which inhibits the ~ 11 ~ mother from being able to be responsive. Attachment insecurity has been found to be associated with unresponsive, rejecting, and insensitive maternal behavior, and this behavior has been found to be correlated with maternal post-partum depression (Teti et al. 1995). Teti et al. (1995) found that in a group of 91 mothers suffering from post-partum depression, 80% of the infants were insecurely attached. Teti et al. also report that previous studies have found that insecure attachment is associated with mothers‘ post-partum depression symptoms that were consistent and stable (lasted 6 months or more). Family support services and accessible psychotherapy for mothers suffering with post-partum depression is essential. Home visitors, doulas, and midwives can also aid in the alleviation of post-partum depression.

Psychoanalytic theorist Erik Erikson proposed that infants who cannot trust their mother to be emotionally available and responsive develop ―impressions of having been deprived, of having been divided, and of having been abandoned, all of which leave a residue of basic mistrust‖ (Erikson 19994, p.63). Avoidantly attached infants may subconsciously protect themselves by denying and disassociating themselves from their attachment needs, because their consistent experience is to be rejected when these needs are expressed. Infants develop an expectation of responsiveness or unresponsiveness based on the emotional availability or unavailability of the mother. Bowlby described the traumatic feelings that an infant experiences when their mother is emotionally unavailable to them as being ‗cut-off‘ from contact, connection, and communication (Bowlby & Ainsworth1991). Securely attached infants may experience brief moments when their mother is emotionally unavailable, but because of the mother‘s consistency, they learn the cycle of rupture and repair in relationships and can trust that their mother will attune and attend to their needs again. Avoidantly attached infants do not ~ 12 ~ experience this rupture and repair, their mother is consistently emotionally unavailable or unresponsive.

Ainsworth and Russel (1981) found that in the Strange Situation, mothers of avoidantly attached infants kissed their infants more than mothers of securely attached infants, but hugged and cuddled their infant less than mothers of securely attached infants. As an explanation,

Ainsworth and Russel (1981) reported that previous studies have found that mothers of avoidantly attached infants are uncomfortable with close bodily contact like hugging and cuddling. Ainsworth and Russel (1981) argue that their findings suggest that mothers of avoidantly attached infants may be rejecting, but these mothers still express affection towards their infants, but not by hugging and cuddling. However, Ainsworth and Russel (1981) also propose that ―when a baby is upset he requires close bodily contact before he can be soothed‖ and that the ―the infant wants close bodily contact because his attachment behavioral system is intensely activated, and yet at the same time he does not want it because his mother, finding close contact aversive, has rebuffed him when he sought contact, and such rebuffs have been painful‖ (p. 1353).

According to adult attachment theory (Sroufe 2005), when avoidantly attached infants become adults, they may feel discomfort with emotional closeness because of the rejection and neglect experienced during infancy, when, they learned that they could not depend on their mother to respond to their needs. Fear of emotional dependency, intimacy, and closeness is characteristic of avoidantly attached adults. During infancy, their mother neglected, dismissed or ignored their needs for closeness, thus they may suppress their feelings and are afraid of expressing their emotions for fear that they will be ignored and rejected like they were as an infant. These adults learned that their feelings will not be responded to, and as a consequence ~ 13 ~ protect themselves from the pain of trying to ask for emotional support and not receiving it by detaching and distancing themselves emotionally from others. The fear of intimacy and closeness is so deep that it can result in isolation, evidenced in a psychotherapist‘s description of a woman with an avoidant attachment history: ―beneath her apparent self-sufficiency is a deep need to be looked after‖ (Holmes, 2001, p. 34). Avoidantly attached adults appear to not need emotional support and may come across as strong, cold, and withdrawn (Shi 2003).

Nelson (2005) links adult attachment and crying, proposing that avoidantly attached adults may feel conflicted about and ashamed of crying because of how their crying was responded to during infancy, when they learned to control their emotions in an effort to receive approval from their mother. As a consequence, crying may enliven suppressed fears of vulnerability, rejection, and isolation, and thus these adults evade crying. Nelson proposes that difficulties with crying are deep attachment fears, that ―the problem is not with emotional control, it is with emotional closeness…crying is a relationship behavior, a way to help us get close…crying is not about what we let out but about whom we let in‖ (Nelson, p. 6, 20005). Avoidantly attached adults may be self-sufficient and self-reliant, but struggle with ―the chronic inability to feel close to anyone, masquerading as self-sufficiency, which leads to perpetual feelings of loneliness and yearnings for support…yet any deep attachment threatens to revive past memories of old deprivations and hurts and produces withdrawal‖ (p.73), West and Sheldon-Keller (1994) argue. Avoidantly attached adults‘ belief is that others are not willing to be emotionally responsive to them, and that they will be disappointed and hurt by others.

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Insecure Ambivalent Attachment

Infants who are ambivalently attached to their mother appear to feel conflicted because they cannot trust their mother to behave in a consistent, predictable way, therefore an infant is

―constantly trying to hold on to her [the mother] or to punish her for being unavailable‖ (Karen

1994 p.221). Ambivalently attached infants seem angry, humiliated, resistant, and desperate in response to the mother‘s inconsistency. Mothers that behave in unreliable, inconsistent, unpredictable, and chaotic ways, cause the infant to feel constantly agitated and anxious

(Ainsworth 1979). In the Strange Situation, if comfort or soothing is offered at reunion, the distressed infant refuses to receive the mother‘s gesture, or receives it with resistance, which seems to suggest that the infant feels resentment and anger towards the mother.

Winnicott (1987) theorized that infants learn which of their emotions will be ‗attuned‘ to and which will be ignored or rejected, and as a consequence, the ambivalently attached infant may develop a ‗false self‘ that only displays the emotions that they have learned their mother will

‗attune‘ to. Infants behave in ways that will attain connectedness; they learn which emotions will gain their mother‘s attention. Whitfield (1987) proposes that this ‗false self‘ that the ambivalently attached infant develops in order to receive love, is a self that is fearful, withholding, conforming, and distrustful. Whitfield argues that the infant develops this ‗false self‘ because its ―human needs‖ are not being met; needs such as acceptance, tolerance, validation, respect, belonging, support, trust, and unconditional love (Whitfield 1987). Infants who are rejected may feel ashamed and unlovable, because their efforts to connect with their mother are not accepted or wanted.

Could ambivalent attachment have been more prevalent in infants during the 1980‘s when the ‗Cry it Out‘ method was popular? The ‗Cry it Out,‘ or ‗Ferber‘ method, advocated by ~ 15 ~ pediatrician Richard Ferber, advises ‗self-soothing,‘ and teaches mothers that responding to a baby‘s crying reinforces the crying, therefore in order to promote the baby‘s capacity to self- soothe one should wait to respond to the crying for varying amounts of time, sometimes up to ten minutes (Ferber 1986). The ‗Cry it Out‘ method is a practice that is counter-intuitive because it results in a mother going against her instinct to pick up her crying baby. Did mothers feel distressed and uncomfortable when trying to follow this method? Did mothers follow the ‗Cry it

Out‘ method because pediatricians were encouraging this practice? Did mothers feel they

―should‖ follow this advice? This phenomenon is an example of how American culture has made mothers feel they cannot trust themselves, cannot trust their instincts, and must follow ‗expert‘ advice. Unknowingly, mothers who were advised to use the ‗Cry it Out‘ method may have been fostering their baby‘s ambivalent attachment towards them by following this advice because a baby cannot ‗self-soothe‘ without previous, consistent experiences of having been soothed and comforted by their mother. Mothers in need of support may feel confused and overwhelmed about how they ―should‖ be responding to their baby, and their genuine confusion may cause them to care for their baby in an inconsistent way, and as a consequence foster ambivalent attachment.

Ambivalent attachment could also be conceptualized in terms of temperament. In the 1950‘s, child psychiatrist Stella Chess proposed that an infant‘s levels of rhythmicity, approach or withdrawal, adaptability, intensity of reaction, threshold of responsiveness, quality of mood, and distractibility determined an infant‘s inborn ‗temperament‘ – ―difficult,‖ ―slow to warm up,‖ or

―easy‖ (Chess 1996). The quality of a baby‘s temperament, especially if ―difficult,‖ could cause a mother to struggle to attune to and understand her baby‘s needs accurately, and as a result provide inconsistent, insensitive responses. Gerhardt (2004) argues against Chess‘s theory of ~ 16 ~ temperament, she proposes that ―difficult babies may be difficult in response to their parents‘ emotional unavailability to them‖ and that ―from the point of view of the baby, there may indeed be ‗difficult‘ parents‖ (p.20). Belsky and Rovine (1987) studied the differences in emotional expression between securely and insecurely attached infants in the Strange Situation and found that ―infant temperament affects the manner in which security or insecurity is expressed rather than whether or not the infant develops a secure or insecure attachment‖ (p. 787).

Ambivalently attached infants may continue to experience ambivalence in their intimate relationships in adulthood. As a baby, their mother was at one moment loving and caring, and the next moment cold, harsh, and neglectful. Consequently, the baby grew up to feel afraid to get close to people and yet, because they know what it feels like to receive comfort and affection, they seek it with ‗ambivalence.‘ Ambivalently attached adults may feel ―torn between the need for a secure attachment and a terror of intimacy…fear aloneness but are terrified of getting close‖ (Sable, 2000, p. 343) because during infancy the mother was inconsistent. The adult may yearn for emotional closeness, but because during infancy they sometimes received it and sometimes did not, they feel afraid that they will be hurt and rejected. In intimate relationships, ambivalently attached adults may be emotionally inaccessible and unresponsive, struggle with forgiveness, and resist receiving support. Ambivalently attached adults may also feel suspicious and nervous in their relationships. We need to experience dependency in infancy order to be capable of interdependency, reciprocity, and mutuality in adulthood (Feeney, 2001) – ambivalently attached adults never experienced healthy dependency, therefore their struggles in intimacy center around the fear of dependency.

In an effort to achieve closeness and intimacy, but to not risk vulnerability, ambivalently attached adults may suppress their needs for care, and to concentrate on caring, supporting, and ~ 17 ~ giving to others, and sacrifice their own needs. If during infancy their mother was overwhelmed and distressed by their care seeking, the care giving role may be the only role that they feel comfortable in.

Ambivalently attached adults may struggle with intimacy. The first relationship was cold, depleting, neglectful, or abusive, and consequently ambivalently attached adults did not learn how to be intimate because they did not experience consistent trust, support, empathy, and closeness. Vulnerability, emotional disclosure, and trust may be needed deeply, but are avoided for fear of the abandonment, neglect, and abuse experienced when one sought to fulfill these needs during infancy. Carlson and Perry (1999) propose that receiving love can be excruciating for someone with an ambivalent attachment history because he or she experienced themselves as unlovable during infancy, thus when someone tries to love them, they can‘t trust the love, they feel afraid, overwhelmed, threatened, and anxious. For these adults, the ‗threat‘ of intimacy can trigger the inner conflicts about dependency and trust experienced during infancy, and ―directly connected to fears of intimacy – fears of engulfment or fears of rejection and abandonment that keep the individual from risking any depth of attachment‖ (Sharpe, 2000, p.24).

Rejection and neglect during infancy may cause ambivalently attached adults to internalize this rejection and incorporate it into their sense of self. Ambivalently attached adults may associate intimacy with repressed feelings of resentment, fear, and disappointment (Siegel

1992). Ambivalently attached adults have had to protect themselves through distancing, avoidance, and emotional muting, therefore intimacy is scary because it invites their true self that has been neglected, ignored, rejected, or denied, to expose itself. Carlson and Perry(1999) reveal that ―people‘s protective parts are the ones that carry extreme emotions and beliefs – anger, fear, ~ 18 ~ insecurity, mistrust – these parts don‘t trust that it is safe…because of how much he or she has been hurt, rejected, humiliated, or abused in the past‖ (p. 268).

4

Attachment Theory Popularized

Attachment theory, like many other psychological theories, has been popularized and is now considered ‗pop psychology.‘ ‗Pop psychology‘ is a phenomenon wherein simplified, generalized psychological concepts are presented to the general public as scientifically-based, research- evidenced facts (Justman 2005). In the context of parenting, the ‗pop psychology‘ phenomenon can be observed in the plethora of parenting books and magazines in bookstores and libraries that offer simplified, generalized knowledge about child psychology and the affects of childcare practices on children‘s emotional and psychological development, for example in

Parenting magazine.

In light of ‗pop psychology,‘ I use the label ―popularized‖ to illuminate how attachment theory has been utilized to construct a theory of parenting, called attachment parenting, that claims to apply the theory of attachment and the attachment research. A profoundly significant difference exists between attachment theory and attachment parenting: attachment theory conceives of the attachment as residing within the baby towards the mother; attachment parenting conceives of the attachment as residing within the mother towards her baby.

Essentially, Bowlby and Ainsworth‘s (1991) research methods assess the baby‘s behavior in order to classify the quality of the mother-infant attachment relationship. In contrast, attachment parenting theorists conceptualize the mother-infant attachment relationship as the mother‘s ~ 19 ~ behavior towards her baby. Magazines and childrearing ‗experts‘ use attachment theory to inform and advise parents who may be seeking support, but the attachment theory that is offered to parents does not match the original research-based constructs that Bowlby and Ainsworth

(1991) developed. This popularized version of attachment theory has been used to sell mothers slings and wraps for Babywearing (see http://www.babywearing international.org), to promote breastfeeding and place a value judgment on bottle-feeding (for example the ), and to encourage co-sleeping – these practices may foster the development of a secure mother- infant relationship, but attachment theory does not claim that Babywearing, breastfeeding, and co-sleeping behaviors constitute a secure attachment relationship.

Childcare practices are culturally constructed (Rothbaum 2010). Bowlby and Ainsworth‘s original theoretical framework of mother-infant attachment does fit in with American values, but the popularized version of attachment theory advocates childcare practices like co-sleeping

(family bed) and extended breastfeeding which may not foster independence, individuation, or self-reliance – the hallmark American values. Are attachment parenting practices (extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and Babywearing) counter-culture? What does it mean if these practices are considered counter-culture in the West, and considered normal in non-Western cultures? Green and Groves (2008) propose that child care practices evolve and change based on the cultural values of the society, ―sleeping alone and early-onset weaning are examples of the types of current parenting practices that form the dominant view in the United States and other western countries‖ (Green & Groves 2008 p.514), which are reflective of American cultural values – independence and self-reliance.

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Attachment Theory Popularized: Parenting Advice for Secure Mother-Infant Attachment

Attachment parenting is a style of parenting that was developed in the 1980‘s by pediatrician William Sears. Sears defines attachment as ―the mother‘s sensitivity and responsiveness to the baby‖ (Mercer, 2006 p.131) and conceptualizes ‗attachment‘ as the mother becoming attached to her baby. Sears asserts that practices like extended, on-demand breastfeeding and infant-led weaning, Babywearing, and co-sleeping will elicit maternal sensitivity and responsiveness, and as a consequence the mother will develop a secure attachment to her baby, and the baby will develop trust in the mother.

Sears has written various books on attachment parenting practices. In Sears‘ 1982 book

Creative Parenting: How to Use the Attachment Parenting Concept, his beliefs about attachment parenting were beginning to be developed, and he describes the ―emergence‖ of a style of parenting wherein ―mothering devices are being put aside in deference to feeling, touching, self- involvement, and maternal intuition‖ (p.11). The Attachment Parenting Book: A Commonsense

Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Child (Sears 2001), includes chapters on bonding, extended on-demand breastfeeding and infant-led weaning, Babywearing, and co-sleeping, practices that the mother is to use to foster a secure attachment relationship.

Sears hosts a website called ‗Ask Dr. Sears‘ that offers a forum, resources, FAQ‘s, a newsletter, and information and support for attachment parenting practices. ‗Ask Dr. Sears‘ describes attachment as ―a feeling so strong that, in the early months, the attached mother feels complete when she is with her baby and incomplete if they are apart‖ (http://www.askdrsears. com/html/10/T130200.asp). Sears asserts that attachment parenting practices encourage a baby to

―learn intimacy‖ and ―learn to give and receive love,‖ and encourage mothers to be ―more sensitive‖ and ―respond intuitively‖ (http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130500.asp). Sears ~ 21 ~ argues that ―a more distant style of parenting, such as ―let your baby cry it out‖ is neglectful and insensitive (http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T131200.asp). Attachment Parenting

International argues that ―the more parents learn to identify and meet their baby's needs, the more securely attached the parent-child bond becomes‖ (http://www.attachmentparenting. org/principles/feed.php).

Sears refers to ‗The Continuum Concept,‘ a concept constructed by Jean Liedloff, based on her anthropological study of childcare practices in the non-Western Yequana tribe in the

Venezuelan jungle (Liedloff 1975). ‗The Continuum Concept‘ advocates constant physical contact with the mother, co-sleeping until the child communicates desire to sleep alone, breastfeeding on-demand, infant-led weaning, Babywearing, and consistent immediate responsiveness to crying. Sears elaborates upon ‗The Continuum Concept‘ in his construction of attachment parenting, renaming the concept ‗immersion mothering,‘ which he describes as ―an uninterrupted nurturing relationship… being consistently available and attuned to the needs of your baby‖ (Sears 1982 p.12). Sears proposes that critics who argue that ―too much attachment‖ will elicit emotional dependence on the mother are wrong. American mothers are taught to fear dependency and clinginess, but Sears advises that attachment parenting practices foster trust, not dependency.

Attachment parenting is advocated in parenting magazines like Compleat Mother, and through attachment parenting support groups. In my local town of Northampton, Massachusetts, a family center called Cradle offers an attachment parenting support group (in addition to a La

Leche League Breastfeeding Support Group and a Babywearing Support Group). The support group at Cradle describes attachment parenting as: ―A philosophy based on the practice of nurturing parenting methods that create strong emotional bonds, also known as secure ~ 22 ~ attachment, between the infant and parent(s). This style of parenting encourages responsiveness to the infant or child's emotional needs, and develops trust that their emotional needs will be met.‖(http://www.attachmentparenting.org/groups/webma.php). The attachment parenting group at Cradle is facilitated by a midwife, and provides support and education about the benefits of attachment parenting.

I will assess the attachment parenting practices for if, how, and why the behaviors foster a secure mother-infant attachment relationship, and analyze the issue of privilege and the criticisms of attachment parenting.

Breastfeeding

Sears asserts that extended on-demand breastfeeding and infant-led weaning foster a secure attachment relationship because the practice elicits maternal sensitivity and trust. On- demand breastfeeding is different from scheduled breastfeeding because the purpose is not just to satisfy a baby‘s hunger, it is meant to provide emotional comfort and closeness. Attachment

Parenting International describes on-demand breastfeeding as ―comfort nursing‖ and argues that it ―satisfies an infant‘s…emotional needs‖ and is ―a valuable mothering tool to naturally comfort a baby‖ (http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/feed.php).

―Breastfeeding, Bonding, and the Mother-Infant Relationship‖ (Else-Quest & Hyde

2003) explores the correlation between breast feeding and the development of a secure attachment relationship. The researchers posed the question ―are breastfeeding mothers more likely to develop stronger bonds to their infants?‖ (Else-Quest & Hyde 2003, p.499). This framing of attachment and conceptualization of attachment theory is aligned with Sears‘ belief system, which utilizes the popularized version of attachment theory – the version that views ~ 23 ~ attachment as the mother feeling attached to her baby, and assesses the mother, rather than the baby, for the quality of the attachment relationship. The researchers studied whether a mother who breastfeeds her baby for at least one week (note: this study is not an evaluation of extended breastfeeding) has a more secure attachment relationship with her baby compared to a mother who bottle-feeds her baby. The researchers refer to previous studies that have been conducted on breastfeeding and the quality of the mother-infant relationship that found that breastfeeding mothers were more responsive than bottle-feeding mothers. Else- Quest and Hyde (2003) reported that at four months, ―breastfeeding mothers have increased attachment and sense of reinforcement by their infants than bottle-feeding mothers do,‖ and at twelve months breastfeeding mothers displayed less negative affect and infant dysregulation (p. 507), suggesting that breastfeeding may be correlated with secure attachment.

Mothers‘ feeding practices can be dependent on cultural context, socioeconomic status and ethnicity, and personal values including identification with the traditional female gender role

(Else-Quest & Hyde 2003). How does our culture appraise breastfeeding? How does our culture appraise bottle-feeding?

Does breastfeeding foster a secure attachment relationship? Does bottle-feeding foster an insecure attachment relationship? Can‘t bottle-fed babies develop just as a secure relationship with their mother as breastfed babies? Or, in light of Sears‘ conceptualization of attachment, can‘t mothers who bottle-feed be just as responsive and sensitive to their baby‘s needs as mothers who breastfeed? Advice provided by Attachment Parenting International, an organization that promotes attachment parenting through offering information, education, and support for parents, provides hope for mothers who cannot breastfeed by advising mothers to model breastfeeding behaviors that foster secure attachment, when bottle-feeding. The behaviors ~ 24 ~ that attachment parenting International recommends include: ―position the bottle alongside the breast, maintain eye contact, feed on cue, consider reserving feeding for the mother only, associate the bottle with being held and having undivided attention, wean from the bottle as one would wean from the breast‖ (www.attachmentparenting.org//parentingtopics/bottlefeeding.php).

Is breastfeeding even possible for mothers who must work outside the home?

Breastfeeding has become controversial because of maternal employment. The U.S. maternity leave policy prohibits mothers from practicing extended, on-demand breastfeeding and infant-led weaning. In comparison to the U.S. which offers only twelve weeks of unpaid maternity leave,

Sweden offers a year and four months of paid maternity leave, which allows mothers to breastfeed on-demand for over a year.

Do breastfeeding mothers have an advantage over bottle-feeding mothers in terms of the development of a secure attachment? How does our society continue to support this socioeconomic divide between mothers who can afford to breastfeed and those who cannot, and the value judgments that are made about bottle-feeding mothers and the quality of their relationship with their baby?

The correlations between secure attachment, breastfeeding, and privileged socioeconomic status were examined in The Paradox of Natural Mothering (Bobel 2002). Bobel interviewed socioeconomically privileged, stay-at-home mothers who identified themselves as ‗natural mothers.‘ Bobel argues that these mothers seem to believe that this ―nursing relationship‖ is superior to the relationship between a bottle-feeding mother and her baby, indicated in one mother‘s comment ―the breastfed child is better-adjusted‖ (2002 p.101). These mothers assert that extended breastfeeding cultivates a ―nursing relationship,‖ which provides closeness and intimacy with their baby. Bobel notes that breastfeeding provides not just physical but emotional ~ 25 ~ nourishment and that ―nursing is the sole emotional security and comfort‖ (2002 p.134) for the babies of these mothers. Sears believes that breastfeeding should provide emotional nourishment, he advocates extended breastfeeding until the child communicates the desire to wean because he believes that older children, not just babies, benefit from the emotional comfort and soothing that nursing can provide.

Gribble (2009) conducted a research study wherein she interviewed breastfeeding mothers and their children (aged two to eight-years-old) about their experience of extended breastfeeding. The mothers reported that they practiced extended breastfeeding because they felt that it comforted their child, and stated that they breastfed during the transition to sleep or a nap, upon waking up in the morning, and when their child was hurt, upset, or distressed. Gribble argued that extended breastfeeding and infant-led weaning has become ―stigmatized‖ and

―culturally unacceptable,‖ but that the results of this study provide evidence for the emotional benefits of extended breastfeeding (2009 p.1068). Green and Groves (2008) also found that mothers reported that they would breastfeed when their baby ―needed comforting, or when fussy or whiny‖ (p. 519).

Mothers who practice extended breastfeeding may feel judged for their choice. Nelson reports that ―women who believe that the baby should breastfeed for several years, possibly until it weans itself, reported being viewed by many other mothers as unhealthily over-connected with their baby‖ (2009 p.77). American culture values independence, therefore breastfeeding that provides comfort, closeness, and soothing for an older child may be viewed negatively because the fear of emotional dependency permeates our culture. Sears‘ wrote a magazine article called

―Extended Breastfeeding: Handling the Criticism,‖ that addresses the judgment that mothers who practice extended breastfeeding may feel. Interestingly, the attachment parenting support group ~ 26 ~ at Cradle in Northampton also offers support for ―handling criticism of your parenting choices‖

(http://www.cradlefamily.com/attachment).

Breastfeeding vs. bottle-feeding, on-demand feeding vs. scheduled feeding, and infant-led weaning vs. mother-led weaning were assessed in light of the psychoanalytic theory of the ‗oral stage‘ conflict. Sewell and Mussen (1952) studied the effects of extended on-demand breastfeeding and infant-led weaning by assessing 5-year-old children‘s level of ‗oral stage‘ conflict and reported that their study ―gives no support to psychoanalytic thinking which maintains that breastfeeding, demand schedules, and gradual weaning promote better adjustment than bottle-feeding, regular scheduling, and abrupt weaning…the data provides no evidence that one method of feeding, scheduling, or weaning is superior to other methods‖ (p.190). Similarly,

Berg-Cross et al. (1979) argue that there is no evidence that feeding, scheduling, or weaning methods significantly affect an infant‘s psychological development.

Sears (and Freudian psychoanalytic theorists), however, believe that feeding, scheduling, and weaning methods affect an infant significantly. Sears‘ advice to mothers practicing extended breastfeeding is: ―if your mothering instinct tells you its right – its right!‖ ―don‘t worry that continued nursing will make your child too dependent – children who are weaned naturally, cling less‖ (1982, p.121). Sears reports that the World Health Organization endorses breastfeeding for babies and children up to three years old. Sears argues that ―extended breastfeeding is nature's way of filling your baby's need for intimacy and appropriate dependency on other people‖ (Sears

2006).

Sears‘ argument that extended on-demand breastfeeding and infant-led weaning foster a secure mother-infant attachment relationship is rooted in a belief that this style of breastfeeding is more sensitive and responsive, and provides emotional comfort and closeness. Sears proposes ~ 27 ~ that the result of this maternal sensitivity and responsiveness is that the baby learns that the mother is dependable and reliable, and therefore the baby trusts the mother, and a secure attachment develops. Extended on-demand breastfeeding and infant-led weaning require that a mother stay-at-home full time to be constantly available to nurse, and because of the U.S. maternity leave policy, this breastfeeding practice is only accessible to privileged mothers.

Systemic changes need to occur in order for the attachment benefits of extended on-demand breastfeeding and infant-led weaning to be accessible to all mothers.

Babywearing

Attachment parenting advocates claim that Babywearing promotes the development of a secure mother-infant attachment relationship (Sears 1982). Sears argues that the close physical skin-to-skin contact in Babywearing elicits maternal sensitivity and responsiveness, and also recreates the calming rhythmicity of the womb and regulates a baby‘s nervous system

(http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051100.asp).

Anisfeld et al. (1990) conducted a study entitled ―Does Infant Carrying Promote

Attachment? An Experimental Study of the Effects of Increased Physical Contact on the

Development of Attachment,‖ that explores the effect of baby wearing on attachment quality.

The researchers hypothesized that increased physical contact would make the mother more responsive to her baby, and therefore foster a secure attachment relationship. The researchers compared babies who were randomly assigned to be carried on the mother‘s body (worn) to babies who were randomly assigned to be pushed in a stroller, and using the Strange Situation found that the babies who experienced the increased physical contact from baby wearing were ~ 28 ~ securely attached and the babies who were not worn (pushed in a stroller) were insecurely attached.

Locally in Northampton, Cradle offers a Babywearing support and advocacy group called

‗The Carried Child.‘ A Child’s Garden also offers a Babywearing group and Babywearing workshops. On the Child’s Garden website, the benefits of Babywearing are listed, which include: ―babies worn in slings are happier and cry less than babies that aren‘t worn; babies and toddlers appreciate the security of the sling; and Babywearing helps you and your baby communicate with each other‖ (http://www.achildsgardennoho.com/wearing_subsite/ babywear.html).

Is Babywearing as laden with socioeconomic privilege issues as breastfeeding?

Babywearing is a practice that is more accessible than extended on-demand breastfeeding because Babywearing can be practiced by mothers who work outside the home, whenever they are at home and not working, they can wear their baby. Babywearing is also financially accessible; at Baby R‘ Us, the price for a baby sling starts at $39.99 and runs up to $104.99, but

Wal-Mart sells a baby sling for $15. Based on that price, Babywearing may not be a practice only for the privileged, and thus the benefits of Babywearing for the development of a secure attachment relationship are accessible to most mothers.

Co-Sleeping: The Family Bed

Co-sleeping (often referred to by mothers as ―the family bed‖) has become a controversial practice. In the 1960‘s and 70‘s, ―placing an infant in bed with the parents, rather than placing the infant to sleep alone in a crib in room by him or herself, was tantamount to deviance…reflecting some form of psychopathology on the part of the mother or family‖ ~ 29 ~

(McKenna & Volpe 2007 p.364). Pediatricians and child psychologists assert that co-sleeping is physically unsafe and psychologically unhealthy. But attachment parenting advocates like Sears argue that co-sleeping fosters secure mother-infant attachment because of the increased physical contact and proximity with the mother, which elicits maternal sensitivity. Co-sleeping may also be beneficial for mothers who work outside the home and thus cannot breastfeed or spend as much time with their baby during the day as a breastfeeding mother might, evidenced in a study that found that ―co-sleeping allowed [mothers] to compensate for daytime separation by promoting attachment and bonding through nighttime contact and affection‖ (McKenna & Volpe

2007 p.368).

McKenna and Volpe (2007) conducted a research study on co-sleeping that asked mothers what they felt were the benefits of co-sleeping were for their baby and for their relationship with their baby. How did these mothers conceptualize the correlation between co-sleeping and the quality of their relationship with their baby? Did these mothers report that co-sleeping increases attachment security? McKenna and Volpe found that many of the mothers reported that their motivation to co-sleep was emotional, to bond with their baby; the mothers ―felt strongly that bed sharing enhanced or strengthened the emotional connection with their infant‖ (2007 p.367).

One mother in the study reported that co-sleeping ―is good for attachment‖ (McKenna & Volpe

2007 p.372). The mothers also reported that they felt that co-sleeping increased their sensitivity to their baby‘s signals. This study suggests that maternal sensitivity may be enhanced by co- sleeping, and that this increased responsiveness could foster secure attachment.

In non-Western cultures, co-sleeping is not controversial, it the norm. Sleeping with a baby is a natural unquestioned way of childrearing in other cultures – but in the West, co-sleeping is a socially constructed childcare practice. American mothers fear that co-sleeping will cause their ~ 30 ~ baby to become ‗emotionally dependent.‘ Small (1998) illuminates how the mainstream, conventional parenting practices like bottle-feeding, strollers, and infants sleeping in separate rooms in cribs, are rooted in American culture‘s dominant value: independence. The ‗Cry it Out‘ method is an example of American culture‘s values and how those values influence parenting practices. The purposes of the method are for the baby to learn how to self-soothe and to fall asleep alone; these purposes are steeped in values – self-reliance, emotional control, self- sufficiency, privacy, independence, and individualism. Small (1998) argues that ―the parental practices we follow in the West are merely cultural constructions that have little to do with what is natural for babies‖ (p.xvi). Sears also argues that the ‗Cry it Out‘ method is a cultural construction, he says that to ―let your baby cry is placing an adult value system on a newborn baby…babies do not cry to annoy or to manipulate – they cry because they have a need – to ignore a cry is to ignore a need‖ (1982, p.165).

Higley and Dozier (2009) assessed mother‘s responses to 12-month-old infants‘ nighttime crying, and whether the quality of mother-infant nighttime interactions correlated with secure or insecure attachment using the Strange Situation. The researchers found that infants whose nighttime cries were responded to consistently and sensitively by being picked up and held until falling back asleep were securely attached to their mother. Higley and Dozier (2009) suggest that pop psychology contradicts attachment theory because popular parenting ‗experts‘ like Richard

Ferber of the ‗Cry it Out‘ method teach mothers not to respond to nighttime crying, that babies should learn to fall asleep alone, self-soothe, and fall back asleep alone; but attachment theorists

Bowlby and Ainsworth assert that a baby‘s cries should be responded to quickly and sensitively.

Green and Groves (2008) argue that ―it would seem more advantageous to the development of a ~ 31 ~ secure attachment relationship to hold infants during the transition to sleep rather than the encouragement to let infants ‗cry it out‘‖ (p. 522).

The physical closeness and intimacy that co-sleeping provides may foster a more secure mother-infant attachment relationship; it deserves to be given more validation and approval from pediatricians and from the wider American culture.

5

Attachment Parenting and Privilege

Bobel (1998) proposes that attachment parenting practices are reserved for mothers who are socioeconomically privileged. Bobel exposes the privileged status of ‗natural mothers,‘ ―women who can afford to attach significance to femininity, domesticity, and motherhood‖ (1998 p.200).

Bobel‘s 2001 study of the demographics of the La Leche League group members and leaders revealed that the majority of mothers who practice extended breastfeeding are White, middle- class, college-educated, and married. Bobel (2001) argues that the La Leche League‘s mantra

―good mothering through breastfeeding‖ is a ―racialized and class-based understanding of good mothering‖ (p.131).

Green and Groves (2008) researched the socioeconomic demographics of attachment parenting in a study of 275 mothers who self-identified themselves as ‗Attachment Parents.‘ The mothers completed a self-report questionnaire advertized in a popular attachment parenting magazine called Compleat Mother (note: the mothers in Bobel‘s 1998 study all mentioned this magazine in their interviews). The mothers who responded to the ad in Compleat Mother and filled out the questionnaire averaged 34 years old, and most were White, married, and college ~ 32 ~ educated. The privileged status of these mothers is revealed in the finding that 89.1% of the mothers in the study breastfed on-demand, and of these mothers most breastfed until the child was about 3 years-old or older, which requires these mothers to be financially able to be a full- time stay-at-home mother (Green & Groves 2008). 30% of the mothers reported that their baby was never left in the care of anyone else, and 27.6% reported that their baby was left in the care of someone else (father or extended family) for 2 hours per week (Green & Groves 2008), this finding suggests that attachment parenting, as represented by this sample, is practiced by privileged mothers who can financially afford to stay at home with their baby full-time.

Bobel (1998) argues that mothers who practice attachment parenting belong to the ‗Cultural

Feminism‘ group of women who believe that the Women‘s Movement was anti-motherhood and that women are biologically, ‗naturally,‘ meant to be mothers. ‗Cultural Feminism‘ essentially

―celebrates the gendered distinctiveness of women and in particular their unique ability to carry, give birth to, and care for a child‖ (Bobel 1998 p.77). Bobel (1998) interviewed a mother who stated ―I feel that someone, and I feel that it should be the women, needs to be the focus of the family, to keep the family…spiritually, physically, and emotionally‖ (p.76). O‘Reilly of Feminist

Mothering (2008) describes this mother‘s statement as ‗Maternal Feminism,‘ and proposes that this ―maternalist perspective emphasizes the giving and nurturing of life and is consistent with the platform of cultural feminists, who valorize women‘s inherent maternal and feminine qualities‖ (2008 p.249).

Bobel (1998) reveals the value judgments that privileged ‗natural mothers‘ make about mothers who do not practice attachment parenting. The ‗natural mothers‘ criticize mothers who bottle-feed and work outside the home, and who listen to, as one mother describes, the

―powerful, child-hostile, expert-and-institution-dependent culture‖ (Bobel 1998 p.84). Bobel ~ 33 ~ proposes that the ‗natural mothers‘ feel that they have the right to judge mothers who do not practice attachment parenting because they believe that all mothers have a choice. The ‗natural mothers‘ think that all mothers can choose to breastfeed and choose to not work outside the home and to rely on their partner for financial security. These mothers are not aware of their privilege, and of the systemic and socioeconomic obstacles that the ‗other‘ mothers confront.

6

Criticism of Attachment Parenting

Attachment parenting could be relabeled ―attachment mothering‖ because of the exclusion of fathers and other caregivers in attachment theory and attachment parenting practices. Attachment parenting practices are meant to be practiced by mothers – breastfeeding, Babywearing (in order to facilitate on-demand breastfeeding), and co-sleeping (also meant to facilitate on-demand breastfeeding) – what role do fathers play? What role do nannies and caregivers at childcare centers play?

Bobel (2002) proposes that attachment parenting may require that a mother subordinate her needs to her baby‘s because the practices that attachment parenting advocates compel mothers to submit to their babies. Bobel argues than an ―attached style of parenting…makes women invisible because they are continually subordinating their needs to her children‘s (Bobel 2002 p.16). Breastfeeding on demand, for as many months or years the child wants to nurse (extended breastfeeding), means that a mother must be not only emotionally available but physically available whenever her baby needs her to be. Extended on-demand breastfeeding until the child ~ 34 ~ is four or five years-old is advised because it provides comfort, closeness, and reassurance, but

Bobel proposes that this practice subordinates and sacrifices a mother‘s needs.

Bobel (2001) conducted a research study interviewing La Leche League (an organization that promotes extended on-demand breastfeeding) group leaders and argues that the League values biological determinism and maternalist constructs of motherhood through their focus on

‗embodied mothering,‘ encouragement of full-time stay-at-home motherhood, extended on- demand breastfeeding and infant-led weaning, and co-sleeping. Bobel asserts that the attachment parenting practices that the La Leche League advocates may ―push women back into socially prescribed roles rooted in biological determinism‖ (2001 p.131), which could result in a woman‘s identity becoming dependent on the role of fulfilling her baby‘s needs.

Bobel also proposes that the expectations of attachment parenting practices may result in post-partum depression, she argues that ―one of the greatest risks of the daily application of attachment parenting is the guilt that results when mothers fail to live up to the expectations created by the philosophy…compounding this guilt is the fear that the mother who fails to attach properly to her baby is somehow not woman enough – if she were, she could easily perform tasks that purportedly ―come naturally‖‖(1998, p.63).

~ 35 ~

7

Conclusion

I conclude this analysis with insights gained and hopes for the future of American motherhood. My deepened awareness and understanding of the complexity of American motherhood today has led me to the following conclusions.

I compared and contrasted Bowlby and Ainsworth‘s theory of mother-infant attachment with Sears‘ theory of attachment parenting. Attachment theory and research conceptualizes attachment as the behavior of the infant towards the mother, whereas attachment parenting conceptualizes attachment as the behavior of the mother towards her infant. The attachment parenting practices that I discussed in this analysis included extended on-demand breastfeeding,

Babywearing, and co-sleeping. Sears proposes that these practices foster a secure mother-infant attachment because they elicit maternal sensitivity and consistent responsiveness to an infant‘s needs.

I assessed attachment parenting in light of cultural values, revealing that attachment parenting practices do not fit with American cultural values like self-reliance, independence, and individuation.

I examined whether attachment parenting practices are accessible to mothers who are not privileged with a socioeconomic status that affords the stay-at-home mothering that the practices require. Bobel provided insightful critiques of these practices, illuminating the elements of biological determinism and cultural Feminism in mothers‘ choices to practice attachment parenting. I wholeheartedly believe that extended on-demand breastfeeding, infant-led weaning,

Babywearing, and co-sleeping cultivate healthy emotional and psychological development for babies, but I feel uncomfortable with the fact that these practices are not accessible to mothers ~ 36 ~ who are not privileged. Extended on-demand breastfeeding and infant-led weaning requires stay- at-home motherhood and financial dependence on a partner who works outside the home. The privileged demographics of attachment parenting is disconcerting, as studies have found that the majority of mothers who practice attachment parenting are White, upper-middle class, educated, and married. I would like to see organizations like Attachment Parenting International and the La

Leche League confront this issue. I would like to see the U.S. government create a new maternity leave policy that provides paid maternity leave for at least 1 year, and to offer flexible working hours for mothers to be able to continue breastfeeding.

I hope that extended breastfeeding, infant-led weaning, Babywearing, and co-sleeping will become accessible to all mothers, and be fully embraced by mainstream American culture.

Attachment parenting practices may provide the healing, connectedness, intimacy, and nurturing that I believe our society is desperately in need of….

8

Appendix

History of Adult Attachment Theory

Adult Attachment theory proposes that adults who experienced insecure attachment relationships during infancy develop insecure relationships as an adult. Adult Attachment theory was developed and researched in the 1980‘s by social psychologists Cindy Hazan and Phillip

Shaver, and also researched by developmental psychologist Mary Main.

~ 37 ~

Assessment of Adult Attachment Security

Hazan and Shaver created a questionnaire to assess a person‘s Adult Attachment security, and Main created what is now called the Adult Attachment Interview.

I will reproduce the statements (collected by Karen 1994 p.386) that adults could choose from to describe themselves on Hazan and Shaver‘s questionnaire below, and label the corresponding Adult Attachment Style.

―I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them

and having them depend on me. I don‘t often worry about being abandoned or about

someone getting to close to me.‖

This statement is representative of a securely attached adult.

―I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; I find it difficult to trust them

completely and to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too

close, and often, love partners want me to be more intimate than I am comfortable being.‖

This statement is representative of an avoidantly attached adult.

―I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my

partner doesn‘t really love me or won‘t want to stay with me. I want to merge completely

with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away.‖

This statement is representative of an ambivalently attached adult.

~ 38 ~

9

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