Popularization of Attachment Theory, Attachment Parenting & Privilege

~ 1 ~ ‘Natural Mothering’ Deconstructed: Popularization of Attachment Theory, Attachment Parenting & Privilege Julia Fuller-Kling September 2010 – May 2011 Division III Project ~ 2 ~ Table of Contents 1 Introduction 2 Our First Relationship Context of the Mother-Infant Relationship 3 Attachment Theory Mother-Infant Attachment Relationship Qualities and their Consequences on Adulthood Secure Attachment Insecure Avoidant Attachment Insecure Ambivalent Attachment 4 Attachment Theory Popularized Attachment Theory Popularized: Parenting Advice for Secure Mother-Infant Attachment Breastfeeding Babywearing Co-Sleeping (‘The Family Bed’) 5 Attachment Parenting and Privilege 6 Criticism of Attachment Parenting 7 Conclusion 8 Appendix 9 References ~ 3 ~ 1 Introduction The purpose of this analysis is to examine the importance of the quality of relationship between mother and baby, and the parenting advice that it is offered to mothers about how to foster a secure attachment relationship with their baby. I chose this topic for analysis for personal reasons. For the past four years, I have immersed myself in studying child psychology, parenting, and the mother-infant relationship, and cared for babies and young children as a nanny, and in childcare centers and parent-child classes. As a nanny, I cared for a 6-month-old baby whose mother was struggling with post- partum depression, social isolation, lack of emotional and practical support, a childhood history of abuse, and a fear that her baby didn‘t love her and wasn‘t ‗attached‘ to her. As a nanny I also cared for three young children of a mother who practiced attachment parenting – it was the first time that I had encountered Babywearing, co-sleeping, and extended on-demand breastfeeding, and I was intrigued. I described these practices to my own mother, and she explained that she too practiced attachment parenting, revealing that I am a product of attachment parenting. My mother had a natural birth and breastfed me on-demand for over 2 years until I communicated that I was ready to stop nursing, my mother and father carried me in wraps and slings close to their body, I slept in their room with them until I stopped breastfeeding, I was not given a ‗transitional object‘ like a pacifier, and I spent the majority of my time as a baby with my mother, carried and held by her. Attachment parenting asserts that Babywearing and physical closeness, breastfeeding for as long as the child wants to, and co-sleeping contributes to a healthy emotional life for the baby ~ 4 ~ and for the mother. My mother learned about the benefits of these practices in a parent-child class she attended, but many mothers who practice attachment parenting may not be conscious of the psychological theories and sociocultural values that led to the construction of these practices. I wanted to investigate attachment parenting because it is portrayed as being radical and alternative, and present an analysis of extended on-demand breastfeeding and infant-led weaning, Babywearing, and co-sleeping, in light of child psychology, culture, and privilege1. 2 Our First Relationship To begin examining the importance of the mother-infant relationship, a famous phrase by pediatrician and child psychiatrist Donald Winnicott, provides a starting point: he argued that ―there is no such thing as an infant, only mother and infant together‖ (Winnicott 1987). Psychologists have theorized about and analyzed the mother-infant relationship more than any other – why? Why is this first relationship so important? According to attachment theorist Mary Ainsworth, the quality of the mother-infant relationship is significant because it can influence and shape how a person will behave in all subsequent intimate relationships throughout life (Ainsworth 1989). The quality of the mother‘s care and responsiveness during infancy leaves a mark on a person‘s psyche, as the pattern of relating that is formed through the first relationship is powerful (What Babies Want 2004). 1 In this analysis, ‗privileged‘ is defined as a mother who, because of her socioeconomic status (White, upper-middle class, educated, married), can afford to choose to be a stay-at-home mother and practice attachment parenting. ~ 5 ~ Context of the Mother-Infant Relationship The importance of the mother-infant relationship can be explored through many different lenses. The Freudian psychoanalytic lens theorizes that the quality of the experience of breastfeeding influences the infant‘s psychological and emotional development (Freud 1856- 1939). The Eriksonian lens theorizes that infancy is characterized by a conflict over ‗trust vs. mistrust,‘ and an infant‘s learned trust or mistrust in the mother based on her consistency and responsiveness profoundly influences an infant‘s personality development (Erikson 1980). I choose the lens of attachment theory because it has been popularized and used to construct a style of parenting, called ―attachment parenting,‖ that is worthy of analysis. Attachment theory and attachment parenting focus on the infant and the mother. In 1950‘s America, when attachment theory and research was emerging, only 16% of babies had mothers who worked outside the home (Westman 2001). But American motherhood has changed since the 1950‘s, and the concentration on the mother-infant attachment relationship in theory, research, and attachment parenting practices is now paradoxical because babies are often not cared for by their mother, instead babies are cared for by nannies or cared for in childcare centers. Mothers receive twelve weeks of unpaid maternity leave (Family & Medical Leave Act 2008), as a consequence they must return to work immediately and may not be able to develop the bond with their baby that society tells them is so important (Belsky & Rovine 1988). American mothers are confronted with pressure from child psychologists, pediatricians, and parenting books and magazines that assert that the quality of the mother-infant relationship is critical, and as a consequence mothers may feel judged, guilty, and ashamed when they are not fulfilling society‘s expectations of what it means to be a ―good mother.‖ Privileged American mothers who can financially afford to not return to work, and who can and choose stay-at-home ~ 6 ~ motherhood in order to practice attachment parenting, are the mothers that I will be analyzing. This small group of privileged mothers view themselves as radical and alternative because they are choosing stay-at-home motherhood. These modern American mothers may be living the lifestyle of the 1950‘s stay-at-home mother, but they argue that they are not obligated to stay-at- home motherhood; they are choosing stay-at-home motherhood in order to practice a style of parenting that they believe requires this lifestyle (Bobel 2002). Is the ―good mother‖ a stay-at-home mother? Is the ―good mother‖ a mother who balances mothering with a job outside the home? Who constructs what is a ―good mother‖? These questions are profoundly important throughout this analysis. 3 Attachment Theory The theory of attachment, the lens I use to analyze the importance of the mother-infant relationship, was developed in the 1950‘s and continues to be studied and applied today. Attachment theory was developed by child psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, and ethologist John Bowlby and later with developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth. Bowlby initiated his work as a child psychiatrist during World War II, a time when infants and young children were being separated from or deprived from contact with their mothers. Concerned and eager to understand the affects of maternal separation and deprivation on infants and young children, Bowlby began to study the children who had suffered from this trauma at mental health hospitals and child guidance centers and found that the impact of maternal deprivation on the children‘s mental health and well-being was extremely negative (‗Maternal Care and Mental Health‘ 1951). Later, Bowlby (1958) proposed his theory of mother-infant attachment, which was described in his ~ 7 ~ paper, ‗The Nature of the Child‘s Tie to His Mother.‘ Bowlby asserted that a baby needs to develop an emotional, psychological, and physiological bond with the mother, and the quality of this bond depends on the mother‘s responsiveness to her infant. Bowlby and Ainsworth (1991) proposed that this bond can be either secure, insecure avoidant, insecure ambivalent, or insecure disorganized (insecure disorganized will not be included in this analysis). Ainsworth (1978) studied secure and insecure attachment using a method she developed called the ‗Strange Situation,‘ which codes the interactions between mother and infant at separations and reunions and classifies the infant as securely attached, ambivalently attached, or avoidantly attached. At separation, the method assesses the infant‘s level of trust in the mother, and at reunion, whether an infant seeks contact and comfort with security, seeks contact and comfort with ambivalence, or avoids the mother. A securely attached infant and an insecurely attached infant develop distinctly different models of relating. Bowlby (1988) argued that an infant‘s ‗internal working model‘ is a representation of an accumulation of experiences with the mother, a ‗map‘ of memories that affects the infant‘s behavior and expectations of others throughout life. Bowlby and Ainsworth (1991) proposed that infants behave in ways that elicit the mother‘s responsiveness and strengthen their bond, behaviors that include crying when separated from the mother, clinging to the mother when distressed, and seeking physical contact with the mother for comfort. Infants are dependent upon the mother for comfort, soothing, and calming, and these behaviors are meant to elicit this response from the mother. The mother‘s quality of response to her infant‘s behavior determines the infant‘s level of security. Bowlby argued that the Latin root of the word ‗security‘ means ―without anxiety,‖ therefore a securely attached infant is ‗without anxiety‘ ~ 8 ~ because the mother provides consistent, sensitive comforting and soothing which alleviates the infant‘s anxiety (Bowlby & Ainsworth 1991).

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