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Flight Centre Limited (ACN 003 377188 j trading as Student Flights. Queensland Lie No TAG262. PARTS OF ORIGINAL DOCUMENT MISSING OR ILLEGIBLE You don't even have the balls to get depressed. You don't have the balls to sit in your underwear for three days and cat canned cheese and crackers. You're 17, almost 18. Some of your friends are 18 and have been gt)ing out to clubs in the Valley. You've been at uni for 5 weeks now, you've got 2 assignments and you've met .^people who told you their names which you never took in because vou were too nervous when vou met them.
You still think about school a lot and what OP you ended up getting and what a jip it was that everyone told you it was so important. You can't believe that no-one has even mentioned the word OP since you've been at uni.
So welcome. Welcome to the great sandstone what you do or where you go. This may be the first encounter with institution that is the University of Queensland. Welcome to the your own free will 3'ou have ever had. But think of the possibilities ! biggest system that you have been a part of thus far in your life. Welcome to a place which ensures that you never converse with a Some people choose to exercise their newfound free will by painting helpful person ever again, a place that gives you My UQ, and My their nails black, listening to Black Lung and screaming at the sun. SI-Net and My WebCrr and throws in the ILC just to confuse you, Others will choose to spend their days at uni in the video section of but never gives you a My-Where the Hell Do I Find Out Whether the SS&H library watching old French movies instead of going to I'm Properly Rnrolled and Turning Up At Right Places At The Right lectures, just remember that the closest some people get to their free Time. will is deciding what flavour icecream to get for lunch or what pair of jeans to wear to uni. Some people will never experience it, forever Do you feel lost? being vicdms of what life doles out. When you catch the 412 or the 407 back into the cit}' at night after the lecmre in that building at the farflung reaches of the universit)'. When you get home and everyone else in your house has finished Granted, having free will won't stop you from being lost and feeling eating dinner and you're lucky if there's cold veggies and rissoles in lonely. Free will only works if you use it to find out what really gets the microwave, do you feel like your world has been tipped out onto your goat, plucks j'our chicken, smacks your pony. But don't expect the "CJreat (>ourt" of this impersonable place and you're frantically that to happen tomorrow or even anytime this year. No, lost is a searching for the right clothes, the right attitude to sport, the right feeling which is going to make a nest in your heart and rustle around for a while. people to approach, the right way to walk, talk?
You wonder whether you could be depressed, but frankly you don't The only things we as editors can offer are words, a futon and a even have the balls to get depressed. You don't have the balls to leave fridge full of cold drinks. The Semper HQ is always open to any lost utii right now, go home, lock yourself in your room and eat cheese souls. The only tiling you need prove to us is that you made it up to and crackers for three days. Which means you are even more lost. the Semper office by a sheer exercise of your own free will.
So enjoy it. Embrace it. People spend a lot of money traveling half Failing that, you'll be forced at ball-point to come up with an article way around the planet to places like Uzbekistan to feel like tliis. Ix)St for the next edition. means you are a free agent. No-one is on your case. No-one cares Over and out. Love Semper
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In what is possibly one of the biggest lost causes to be pur tions. "I can guarantee that any substances being abused sued so far in 2004, Semper Floreat has formed a netball are definitely not performance enhancing." In response team. The team, named Semper TM, includes an all-star to the match fixing allegations he only had one brief com line up with the four editors Timmi, Jimmi, Merali ment, "I just wish that these teams wouldn't bring and Andrew. Other players include UQ Union their Bulldog's style of play into the comp. It's El Presidente Margot Balch and several uncalled for - this is an amateur league." other unknowns. However Semper TM has already struck problems af The first three rounds of the com ter star wing attack Timmi had the petition involve six grading matches. foresight to rule himself out for It would appear that Semper TM the season. This massive blow has adopted the tactics of trying occurred after Timmi realised to loose every match so that will that he works from 2 till 10 be placed in the lowest division, on Sundays while the comp is thus enhancing their chances of played from 4 till 6. in an act taking out the premiership. of incredible comradery, Margot has promised to have a black Either that or they really are shit. panther tattooed on her back in remembrance of Timmi's cat-like However, they might be in for some prowess and reflexes. Semper TM stiff competition. With other teams does have an ace up their sleeves in Let's Do Some Skids, Accident Wait- the wild-boy Semper Monkey who has ng To Happen and Stuartholme/Marist been under union employment since the (high school's over guys) there's bound to beginning of the year. be plenty of other losers on the courts.
The season promises to be a controversial one, with Stay tuned for more reports on Semper TM's progress allegations of match fixing and banned substance usage be throughout the season. Or alternatively get down to the ing thrown in Semper TM's direction. Outspoken team man netball courts on Sunday at 4 to cheer them on. Chances ager Jimmi had several comments to make on the accusa are you'll probably get a game if you're up for it. HEPAL OR HOME?
BY KAT HeKRY Roma. The paradox of k)sing yourself is that you inevitably find }'()urself somew^here. Because no one has any idea who you are IV v':!\ \ 1 :Uii U; supposed to be you don't have to be anything. And there you in rlic sla; I was i)rt;;nhii;', I (.• !':lMi:ii!,: : :l!r, are. So 1 found myself in love. ^ Olfcl llliilk 1 \\",>S (^11 in;) I ;1 ;*-• W' irkl. You'd t Like any Latin lover, he had the recjuisite pouting lips that think. Yet sitring beside me was a greasy, hairy Nepali man spoke to me in Italian and told me the things I'm sure Sophia inviting me to suck on his spit saturated splitT and nattering to Loren had whispered to her on the edge of watery renaissance me about his western girlfriends. I lis wife had just ted me a dys fountains. Things no Australian guy, no matter how New Age, entery inducing meal (as if 1 hadn't suspected for the last week had ever managed without sounding just a littie bit pathetic. 1 that I already had dysentery). It was looking a bit dicey, this top was the most beautiful woman in the world. W\: talked for hours of the world stuff 1 was on the side of a mountain, trying to about our shared philosophies about not having any philosophy distinguish between feverish hallucinations and altitude sick and letting everything go in order to Be Here Now. Our long ness, staying in some guy's cowshed, on my own, dodging sexual strolls together lasted into the night. \X^ secreti)' freed small advances and I hadn't told anyone I was in Nepal. 1 didn't think animals frf)m their market stall cages and flailed about theatri even a spiiff was gonna help me now. cally as we threw our watches off a bridge in acknowledgement of the inconsequence of time. I hadn't told anyone I was going I hadn't told anyone I was going to Thailand, either, because 1 to Thailand because I hadn't known myself and I thrilled at the didn't acmally know I was going myself undl 1 got to the airport liberation and danger in being entirel)' On My Own, madly in at Heathrow. Actuall}' I had a sneaking suspicion I was going to love with some guy because he said the right stuff and nt)W 1 pull a fast one at the last minute and hook it Irom the western didn't even have a watch. worid to indulge my sense of romance, but I didn't e\'en really let onto myself because, obviously, if I wanted to lose myself 1 Now, eventually, Adriano had to go meditate in India so I couldn't let myself know where I was going. y\nd 1 wanted to get thought well bloodv hell, I can get this really cheap ticket to lost. I wanted to be responsible for nothing, 1 wanted to lose Kathmandu if 1 go via Bangladesh so righto, let's do it. Adriano my sense of who I was, who I was supposed to be. I wanted and I thought it was absolutely brilliant to offend the locals by the romance of being at the whim of my imagination. So 1 had kissing passionately in the back of the bus before I got off in two tickets, one would have me sitting about in Heathrow for;; the middle of nowhere, knowing I would never see him again. week surviving on vending machine coffee and the batting of (\Xe made that hopelessly romantic promise where you don't my eyelids until I could squeeze sub-load into a toilet class seat makt contact and if we ever met again sometime in the future to Dehli, somewhere among the other 4 million travelers trying then we'd know it was meant to be. 6 months later, on my to get to the Kumb Mela festival for the rare chance of spiritual birtitday, I got an tmail from him lamenting my lack of com salvation. The other ticket had Business class written all over it munications. Ah, the hopelessly romantic...). But, armed with so obviously my spiritualit}' opted to help itself out and 1 glided our philosophies of not having anj^ philosophies, I got onto my into Bangkok high on double scotch malt, indulging my sense RLALLY cheap flight on Bangladesh Airways and pretended 1 of romance with the pretence tiiat I was a nubile young actress was French so that, with my aloof confidence, I didn't acmally superstar being all exotic on my way to an action feature shcKit in care that the seats weren't bolted in properly and - because it ob the wilds of the Thai north. viously wasn't safe enough to just have the engineers check the plane over for safety -I also didn't care when all the passengers I was really convincing myself with this action star bit as I had to join the crew in praying to Allah before we could take off swanned out of the terminal in my 3 pound thrift shop camel So I was French for this bit which worked a treat because I still Prada rip off coat into the sweat, dirt and shock of Thailand. 1 hadn't emailed home and told the folks I was in Asia and I was stumbled through the cats and dogs and naked kids and noise still traveling alone so I got chatted up heaps owing to my aloof and smog fast regretting the notion that action stars wore high ct^nfidence, sexy accent and European good looks. heels. But in no time I had managed to palm them off to some guy in the street and fall instantly and passionately in love with Because it was a really cheap flight, they made us go to Bangla a dreadlocked vision of romance called Adriano. He was from desh first. Which was fine because the plane felt like it should have a rest. Dukkha needed a rest, too. It was exhausted. The streets were fiiU of people, like Thailand, but the people here were sad looking, worn out, defeated. A heavy haze of dust sat still in the air, everything w^as covered with a thick dust and the place seemed defeated by povert}'. I felt sad and fragile and guilt)' as hell for being so magnificently wealthy and well equipped with my sense of humour, which now seemed a ridicu lously and hopelessly bourgeois sense of romanticism.
Five men were permanently stationed outside my hotel room. One to spray my room with fly spray, one to open my door for me, one to then tell me when my meals were being served, one to scare me with sexual innuendo and one scrawny k)oking kid just sitting on a milk crate.
Thoroughly depressed, Mikhail Horowitz saved me. Staying in the room next to mine, he was a 68 year old American who lived in a Sufi commune in upstate New York. He'd been Jewish from the 1930's to the 60's. Then, when he was 37, he'd met Timothy Leary who had convinced him that LSD was the ke)-, man, and they'd gone hard together. On his first trip, Mikhail had hallucinated that he was a hand grenade and he had the overwhelming compulsion to throw himself Obviously, with it's potential for annihilation, this was a terrifying prospect. But he had to do it, you see, so he pulled his pin and, would you have guessed it, he didn't explode. In that moment, he had conquered fear and since then he had charged around the globe, hanging out mosdy in India and Nepal but travelling an)'\vhere, looking for the enlightenment he'd experienced as a hand grenade. We got along superbly.
Now, eventually Mikhail had to go meditate in Nepal, to get the next clue for his life, you know? So I guess I wandered the streets of Kathmandu until I wandered into a Monastery and decided to stay for a while. That's where I got dysentery. I thought maybe I should just meditate harder but that just turned into hallucinations of Shangri-La and every time I tried to leave my room one of the baby monks, just liitting pubcrt)', would chase me calling "Meow!", you know, on account of my name being Kat and all, so THIS freaked me out and I thought it was best to keep moving.
I don't know how I got up that mountain. It was fucking huge. I just kept going forward and then eventually, right when my hal lucinations had me kicking mountain lions in high heels, a greasy hairy guy jumped out in front of me and told me "Thirt)' rupees for the cabin with the view". Spending 95c on anything that meant I could stop walking was a dream so I let hirii take me round the back and amidst my farting, feverish illness I had a vi sion. It was the Flimalayas but it was better than even the Shan gri-la hallucinations and I was found again. Only this "found"' kept slipping in out of out of the realization that I was totally fucking lost and that if I died, from malnutrition, throwing myself off the mountain in a feverish fit, or if I was raped and murdered, sure, the view would be good but, as far as the grease- guy was concerned, no one would ever have to know. This was it. I was as far away as I could get. I had lost my marbles, lost my control of my bowels, lost my high heels, lost contact with civilisation. And yet it was still a groo\T kind of lost. Lost like losing yourself in a pash in the jungles of Thailand. Like losing yourself in the sight of the moon over the Himalayas. As soon as I got rid of the Greasy Nepali, I might think about going home. *'*Tswi^;
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Sa}}}e. same, ."^aine as (dn'ays. ^• P" ll<)ir'sinn'''(i(H)(l..Sli//iryini>)()^^elni()lir(ile{/f(>rlhisseniesler. ' -, ' ' ' 'Ihe means^arrired (nnl we had Iron/^ie orcjerini^. ' ' • ^ ^ , I'nnj^ol [Htrlicnlar/y hnni^ry, ' ' •• ' ... -tf) ..\o. me neil/.K'i'. ,'•'•' ^ '• • •• ' '' ' ( ' • Do yon nkinl lo jnsl sh(rre a jkisla Ihen':" /i\ce//enl. T/.)e creamy m ash room one wiih cafers? OK. )nm}}iy. T/.)e (Hisla (nrired (nul we holh (yielded al //. l^-eefiiv^ an eye on ll.ie olher's fork lo delermine who bad eaioi more, ll iras mond]fn/ fw monll.)fn/. S/.ie'deal. l/ien I'deal. Carefid. Innv I /.lac/ more.>I're (/efinile/y hac/ inore. .Xo yon eal ihe /asl bii. I was sii// nwenons. w \ friend from hvj}\ school was ociiino niiirricd. She looked speciacvilar. Si/e 8 with a heauiiful Ixist oaliii,L^ down ihe isle. I wasn't in\iled to (lie reception. riiey cut the cake after the cereniony and 1 stood with her while lhe\' handed oul the pieces. She Aouldni eal any until I liad eaten a piece. And il was her weddiim daw •^ Rebecca you eat like o bird. With clipped wings. Keeping a hawk-eye on the scales. And -^ now you peck around and nervously touch the back ot your hand to your mouth after you have swallowed your food. Before you eat, take a deep breath, perhaps pray, thank the good goddess for the food we have on our table, in our mouths, in our bellies. Then without t-esj' fear, guilt, shame, or a nervous stomach chew your food, feel its life, its strength being swallowed by you. And then you will feel full and well. ^-i p SI Anorexia and bulimia are the most fatal of all psychiatric illnesses, more n fatal than depression and schizophrenia. Why are things like marijuana and LSD banned because they cause mental illness but not things like fashion magazines and articles about fad diets of the stars? Let us eat cake! Let us also eat fresh, green things that snap on our teeth. Let us eat taste usea nd beans and spicy soups. Let us eat each The rest of Australici is losing the bc:ittle against obesity, spending $ I million a day on weight loss attempts with little suecess. Girls at university are thin, thinner than any other demographic by a long way. But it's not enough for us, we stiil want to lose more weight. Say we lost those 5kg, would that be enough? Or would that just be a small victory, surely it's not that hard to lose another 5? See that girl over there, her arms are skinnier than mine. She looks prettier. An unfair education system is to blame. Girls at high-flying grammar school become friends. By the time they are i 5, 10 of them have developed eating disorders. 4 have been hospitalized. The girls go through Year i 2 together. They are high achievers. Because they go to Grammar they are ensured high O.P.s due to a distorted grading system that rewards private schools that can afford to give scholarships. They all get into Law or Science or Economics. The same social group comes to uni and brings with it the same group dynamics that existed in high school. Fashion is critical. And so is your size. The skinnier the better. But not too skinny. Oh my God have you seer^ how skinny she is, she looks disgusting...! wish l could get that skinny. 12 and were brought face to face with a large oddly shaped fire burn ing in the middle of the street. Another farang (foreigner) who was standing cautiously by told us; "That's a car burning on its roof!" "You said what? "They just pulled it out of the Bangkok Airways car park ten minutes ago." The wave of sound broke over us again - the students had returned from their hot lap of the city. This time, not content with burning cars, they pulled the gate down from the Bangkok Airways building. "Where are the police?" we muttered to ourselves (not that it would Lost in the Midst of a Cambodian Riot have meant much... having managed to bargain a police officer's badge from him yesterday - for only $4 Aussie). The sounds ema nating from the riot were accompanied by different members of a Lost yVaves in Nicaragua crowd of locals informing us every minute or so that the students were doing this not only because of the Thai actress but because 20 - 40 Khmer people were shot in Thailand's Cambodian Embassy. The evidence against the Thai was adding up. My travelling companion and I had arrived in Phenom Phen and found our selves a room, so lil We thought nothing more of the incident and decided it was time to find an The car never exploded, upbeat club.... "let's take a wander down this street". We turned the corner way to Waldos right? And just to make sure we got there I agreed to give Carlos a few extra Cordobas if we didn't break down again. Little did I know! A true cab driver, Carlos spied a dirt road shortcut to the beach that would save us half an hour. He'd already told me several times that this trip was not good business for him and that it was costing him much time, I don't imagine that the potholes, deep ruts and creek crossings that we continually drove over and through did his little Hyundai cab any good either. Then it happened. We teetered half way down a treacherous hill when the engine puttered out. On reflection maybe this was for My story begins in Managua (the capital of Nicaragua) with me lying the better; at the bottom of the hill there was a creek crossing that around, I was smoking cigarettes, and I was hearing tantalising tales of looked impassable to a 4WD let alone Carlos's little Hyundai. great waves at Waldos. It was time to get motivated and so I caught a cab out of my rut. Carlos, coated in sweat, popped the hood and I could see by the look on his face that the prognosis would not be good. He got Two hours into my cab journey and my friendly-faced taxi driver Carlos and the wires out, nothing. I said a prayer, still nothing. Shit. We were I were doing the slalom along some Nicaraguan outback highway, dodging still 10-15 km from Waldos, in the middle of no mans land. There cows and gaping potholes. We had been driving for almost two hours before were also these big monkeys up in the trees howling and going all I realised that we were headed to Grande Waldos (in the north) instead of crazy. 1 was not too far off doing the same. Waldos (in the south). Devastated, I didn't know if the spongy stuff between my vertebrae could stand much morel Carlos put the wires down and asked me for US $50 for the ride and it was at about this point I snapped. I flipped out. I yanked Respite from the cows and potholes came when we were stopped at a the keys out of the ignition, grabbed my filthy board and backpack military checkpoint. But when we tried to drive off, me old matey Carlos, couldn't get the cab started. The sun was beating down making the air all wavy. Carlos popped the hood and played with the wires, and as we were on a bit of a hill so it looked like I was pushing. I could not believe the situation I was in - pushing a cab, in my thongs, in the blistering sun, with military guards and passengers cheering me on. But at least we were on our 13 ^^|. -Cambodia j -row?" he asked. I hear it costs $ to shoot a chicken, or $3 to fire ; grenade launcher at a cow! K.iimp«»f^^ PrH* "... •Si6R6n Shortly after that night, the Thai Cambodian border was closed and many Thais were flown ou of the country. How the borders were reopened gives an insight into the politics of South East Asia. It is illegal to gamble in Thailand. So a convenient alternative is the Cambo dian border casinos. Due to the border closure, the casinos were losing the equivalent in revenue each day to pay the reparations Cambodia owed Thailand, Hence, a deal was struck between the government and the ca sinos resulting in the borders reopening. Not so calm reassurances from the locals that the police The rumour of 20-40 Khymers shot in Thailand was just that. As for the were only shooting in the air did not stop our departure. We Thai actress' comments, apparently they were uttered years ago as part walked quickly past the well sand-bagged US embassy to of a movie script. A radio announcer under instruction from the current wards the waterfront and into an expatriate owned bar where political party apparently started the rumours. I say apparently because in we dissected the night's events. Eventually we decided to head home. Hours after the riot had ended we could still feel Cambodia that is often the most you can ever hope to know. Cambodia is the energy on the street. fast becoming a tourist hotspot. Yet it is still recovering from the effects conflict, in particular the Pol Pot regime. Unfortunately this still means The next day, our motorbike taxidriver managed to sell his Cambodia is known as the country where anything can be bought and guiding services. He also explained his dislike for the Thai often is. people - they were apparently not to be trustee. "Maybe shooting gallery tomor i*cn. ."--~»'i-'JI. jrf' ) out of the boot and proceeded to wade into an argument about exactly how much we were up the shit. :»FLORep+ The argument ended when I hoisted my bags onto my shoulders and gave Carlos about half of what he was asking. You should have seen free the glare i got from him. He hated me but I didn't care. I had a long hot walk in front of me, I had no water, I didn't know where the hell I was. But I did have a sleeping bag and a box of crackers if worst came to worst. For 4 hours I had trudged along a dirt road, covered in dust, parched, with my shirt wrapped around my head when I heard a car-like rumble. A Landcruiser marched down the road, it sent out great plumes of dust in a cartoon. They saw me and didn't even have to ask whether I needed a lift. The crazed look in my eyes prob but I stood there, motionless, I felt like Bugs Bunny staring at a mirage ably said it all. After all, I had just spent 4 hours tripping out on the fact I might not get out of this. The passenger window rolled down, with a gust of air-con this cute little blonde face appears and she said to me in a distinctly West Coast US accent, "Bienvenidos a Nicaragua". Wel come to Nicaragua. Yeah, didn't I know it! Ahh, the things we do for waves. Surfing has taught me some of the harshest lessons in life but, I wouldn't give it up for nothing. Cf^€>t4^ Sl^^y^^^' ]uveni Vou may hci\'{^ SCHM^ .SOUK^N'OIU^^ cidenls caused by suffocating on plastic bags. li()iTK'))oys<)n(i,^"irlscir()iin(i l')ris))c]n(^ The areas of the brain that inhalants arc known to cause damage to include the hypocampal }nlic)linj4(l(^(y)ly Irom |)l not to mention taste rotten and give you the worst stinking breath imaginable. illegal. At this The effects to be expected from chrom point in time police powers are fair ing are not unlike being maggot drunk, but it is ly limited in regards to chroming; they aio confis considerably cheaper than alcohol. Two 'cans' cate paint and implements but it is not actually a day is a pretty hefty dose, but at only $2.50 a illegal to chrome. While health experts do not pop you can get smashed on a budget. endorse chroming, this stricter policy has not "Spray paint is the lowest of jokes, like been met with much enthusiasm. Already there with me, if 1 had the money I'd buy pot... It's a Is a condition known as 'Sudden Sniffing Death cheap high, it's like the cheapest of the cheap." Syndrome' (SSDS) which can occur after sniff The drunk, dizzy feeling is often accom ing, when chromers have to do a runner from panied by excitability euphoria, decreased the cops. More specifically SSDS occurs after inhibitions, delusions of grandeur and reckless a sudden disturbance in the heart's rhythm and behaviour. This may sound like a good time but can be cause by all inhalants. By making the act the effects of long term use would be enough to of chroming illegal ir is fair to presume that these scare almost anyone away. They can include unnecessary deaths would become even more permanent damage to major organs - especially common. The possible illegalisation of chrom the brain, lungs, central nervous system, liver ing is not the only problem facing health profes and kidneys and cause bone marrow toxic sionals and the chromers they care for. ity There is also the possibility of burst blood Coca-Cola isn't helping the situation vessels in the eyes, which can lead to blind either. The new silver 600ml diet coke bottles ness. Other chromers subsequently suffer are a chromers dream come true. They conve depression and anxiety disorders and report niently conceal any signs that paint has been dependence, both physical & psychological. sprayed in the bottle because they are the same Seizures have also been reported as well as ac- colour as chromers' paint of choice. The result? 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(.'()( aOol.i hns rcliis('{(|{)pul( '^•• in KN'msofcrinKNUKfpnnishnKMii Ihan closely IlK-ir 111 •sclt(tcsiru( '/ AsiisiandsilKaH'obkMnisnoiso .11 ISC / SoMK' \ iDuoh thai ilK\soki(l.sarr unaware^ (h'S( \ of ilKMkingc^rs. hulas wiih any or a result sul)sinn(x^ fll )usc\( lire)niiiig ()l peer I )r(\ssni(\ l)ul o ' '\ helpsnuml)pain.W'cMan crsiolln lannorodi:'-.: '"^..J-^ mak(M-hr()mingill(\onl.w'c^ • si( )r\': ., ; <, '""^^S., (•an(Miucai(\\\'(H^an(^\'(Mt i; > ban ilios(Mlaninc()k(^^ "ll |)ushcsc\(' .,,.«« •Oearest Mcxwvid '^"^ '^'^^Z ^vo love •.-tere..O:^CroTa'l ^^ ^'^ ^1 Kave a ^"""^f'^^^ ^o look like ^^; ^^^^^^ ,o(v*-tkir%^ r.e^^J "^^ r) ^ovo Me. ' •^^r.^'ist s '-^ou.e tM s-ta^^ ^^^^^^ p,^.«, sure "H .l.l.lml.iuuiml viirpeacet t3- U a*^ ^"^ BuBeJes CL^ ^ 1?' BRISBANE SOCIAL FORUM I*' ^ I 7-9th May, Uni of Qld •%9 !f%-';l Km i! fa". I Speakers include: Nnimo Bassey: Nigerian en fM 'V vironmental justice activist, Judy Rebick: Cana dian activist and writer; Julian Burnside: QC and human rights activist; Humphrey McQueen: historian and social commentator; Kerry Nettle: Greens senator and many more. li /^ Music will be by Ozzi Batia, Urthboy, Freaky ii Lou, Spankinhide, Penelope Swales. Tickets $20'for studeri [ i IdQkiEig toward bur futu , www.brisbanesQcialforum.org l-Afcfck.'i • Kn'li.UW. Students of Sustainability, Sporm Donor. I have quality stock ready to offload for a mere $299 a pop. IVe almost conference completed a science/law degree, my mum tells me Pm good-lookirig and I love to study. I'm saving up to buy Mk^rosoft Office 2003 La Trobe uni, Melbourne In fact. YouVe desperate for a child ar>d I'm 1M7 July 2004 desperate for an upgrade, so let's hetp each www.sofs.org.au other outi Come and find me in the software sectbn of the campus bookshop. 1 'n the middle of the journey of '/=^^iJfe-L our life ' ^ound myself in a dark wood for the straight way was lost. WITHIN THE 1^ CARDS By Celia Maslen When I bought my first tarot deck, I was somewhat alarmed. A pack of 78 large cards, awkward to shuffle because of their size, and covered in bright illustrations that I found incomprehensible. The books I had read told me sternly that I was to keep them wrapped in natural fabrics, as man-made fab rics "disturbed the vibrations". Others exhorted me to only read them by candlelight, to perform a ritual cleansing before taking them out of the pack, to stand on my head and yodel while shuffling the deck. And all these books had different ideas about what each of the 78 cards actually meant when they turned up in front of you. 1 gradually learnt to ignore those instructions, and use the cards for the reason I bought them - finding my way out of those tangled areas in life where 1 found myself lost and searching for a sense of direction. 1 learnt to relax about what I wrapped the cards in, and where I kept thetn. Hvcntually, the characters in the cards began to make sense to me, those now familiar guides tiiat lead me down unexpected roads. In mtu-nents of confusion, I sit down with my cards. The fa miliar routine of shuffling them is sootliing and slighdy hyp notic as 1 watch the patterns on their backs slide over each in die Two of Swords, seated on a stone bench, pauses in the other. agony of indecision, blindfolded, two swords held crossed in her hands. The Emperor, arms resting on two carved ram's heads, looks at me widi stern audiority, holding a symbol for I lie diem face down into die shape of the spread, and turn life in his right hand. them over, one by one, from left to right. Familiar faces stare up at me, which makes me wonder if I keep making the same wrong turns. Strength looks away from mc as she bends over It's not always good news, and is often quite blunt. "Look," say next to a lion and clasps its head in her hands. The woman tlie cards, clearly. " This is where you're going. If you change this, and diis, you may end up here. It's up to you." It's fortune telling without destiny. If you're lost, you can generally discover where you went wrong. The cards can tell you where to find the patii again, or alternatively, help you clear a way to a new one. They're in favour of change. I hate turning up die Tower, PV ^ B^a—^•^^K-^^^^^^^M"«BMii*^^^^HHii^i^^mi the ultimate card of violent, unexpected and necessary transition. I look back on it with good grace, but detest the process of lurching out of stagnant habits. So I take my lessons from Temperance, who stands with one foot in water and one on dry land, and ad vises balance. I take courage from Strength, who reassures me that I have more than I thought. And I curse at the Tower, and grudgingly go along with whatever upheaval I've gone and created. Sometimes I read for others, and it's at these timescard s turn up with which I'm less familiar. It's fascinat ing drawing together a story for someone else - like getting a secret glimpse into the depths of their life, and the paths laid out before them. Reactions arc varied - often people seem to look for some sort of proof that it "works", and they want the cards to tell them something about themselves that they already know. Otiiers simply want some advice, and they often seem to be more satisfied with the process. If you're feeling lost, you may find that playing around with a deck of tarot cards or getting someone to read for you will help you find some answers. Don't be put off by the idea that you must wrap them in silk and surround them with good vibrations and other Beach Boys' songs. It's not necessary. Just use them. Lay them out in front of you, and read the story they've got to tell. Being lost is an illusion. The patii still lies in front of you. You've just got to find it again. ^ It was a windy Autumn afternoon. 4pm Wednes day March 24 and Semper had a hot date with a deck.of tarot cards and Madame Dee. It was in the hands of Semper's Merali and Jimmi to ensure that Semper played well in its deathmatch against destiny. The air was heavy with expectation... Official Statement: The scoreboard for the fated Semper v Destiny death- Statements at the Scene: match is not to be released for public record. Six JIMIVII: Two thumbs up man, seriously....big time. months is the allotted time for each parties' mutual That's all anyone couid really ask for I reckon. You just recuperation, whereupon the stage will see yet another gotta know which cards to pull out when. Once you got royal onslaught. Until then, there's things you know that, this Tarot shit...snap. Up tiiere at the table, you and then there's things you need to know, if you see gotta know to condense the nonsense. Coz we're here where this is going. Any legal concerns regarding this to play baby! And that's what we're all about. 110 per issue can be addressed to the Semper Office c/o Wil cent; all heart man - we be build for this shit. I'm just liam Beanland, Attorney at Law. doing what I do best and I thank Jesus Christ for that fact every damn day. We just gotta get this rig onto a betting circuit of some description. MERALI: Wow. Wiiat a game, First. I was over here. Then, I'm over here. And it's all zipping all over the place and I'm just adding more cards to the mix. I'm playing the best hand of my life and it was as if I got When consulting the cards, Semper demands only the more zen-like with each card. I mean this was a draw best. When it comes to delving into the unknown, Sem that just kept on giving. Maybe, Jimmi stacked the deck, per only users technicians from the Readers Teahouse: but I just kept on hitting it. What a trip. What can I Kenmore Villiage ph 3378 0477 say? Maybe we should play again, double or nothing. Middle Park Shopping Centre ph 3376 8191 24 mOI ICoberto Baggio Susie Moroney In the summer V" Ai V ix <», » I I I » H^ G^ IT Academy Program Studies reveal that certification •^ Exciting travel & career increases employment, opportunities In IT productivity, and earning power. o V\fell paid jobs in Systems Turn your skills into a solid career Administration, Networi< with certifications from: Engineering, E-Oommeroe, \Afeb Design, I.T Coordination «Microsoft «> AUSTUDY approved ^ Cisco * Students loans «• Sun Microsystems * Job placement service <^ CompTIA ® Receive both national & CIW program intemational certifications Networic + I ^jSP Back many years ago, I ran away from home. Well, that's how my modier sdll refers to it. In fact, I was just finishing off a bunch of exams, and felt bored and frustrated. The day after the last of my exams, I went to Roma Street Station and bought a train ticket to Sydney. Widiin the hour I was on my way. Going there - with no idea where I'd be staying, or with whom, or what I'd do for food (I had maybe fifteen dollars on me after purchasing the ticket), or any change of clothes - was terrif^'ing. That's probably why I did it. I had no safet)' net. No assurances that when or if I came home, I would be wel come. No idea how long I planned to be down there - because I hadn't planned it at all. If I got into trouble, I couldn't call Daddy and get rescued. It is interesting, looking back at that period, how I lived up to the cliches of the runaway (despite my disavowal of the term) without any conscious intent. When ever I had been to Sydne}' before, it had been on family holidays, staying in quite good motels. Yet now I found myself seeking out the seedier sides, especially the Cross. I !^-- *.*?w No, this isn't some scary story of how I turned to smack and prostitution. No drugs, no headjobs for fat old men. That's someone else's storj^, not mine. This isn't a shock horror "how I messed up my Hfe" tale leading to an apotheosis of salvation through charity or Christ or vegetarianism. No - what I remember from that period is the incredible, liberating feeling of freedom from getting myelf totally lost. Please note -1 stress again that I was not a 'runaway'. Nothing at home that would drive someone away. No-one that I was trying to get away from, no responsibilities I was trjing to avoid. But still I found myself sitting on a bench with several intergendered sex workers, laughing witii them as one of tiiem on roUerskates chased a potential client down William Street. I found myself taking panhandling tips from a homeless guy in McDon alds, taking advantage of their being open 24 hours and having a bot tomless cup of coffee. Listening, rapt, as he explained how to approach mainly guys on dates - many times tiiey don't want to be rude to you, and often will give you some money in order to seem decent and caring to the woman they're hoping to score with later tiiat night. He had spent the night hitting on U2 fans on the way to a concert, and had done very well for himself I have a hundred other anecdotes, all of which rest on the same base - for the time that I was down there, I was lost. I was nobody, I had no identity' or fixed persona. When every person you talk to is a stranger, you're free to make up a new name, a new history, an entire person. Which parts do you change, which parts do you keep? Which improvisatidns seem to fit, which (Mies seem forced and unbelievable? I lived in the same jacket the whole time - 'borrowed' off someone I stayed with for a night, and still sitting in my closet today - my clothes were the one thing that remained constant. Perhaps a littie too much so - when I eventually did return home, I threw it into the washing machine and the water became black. On the second wash, the water looked like brown mud. It took a week af solid washing be fore the other clothes in my closet stopped refusing to have anything to do with it. So why not do it? Tbllow my lead and have the cheapest holiday you'll ever have. Pick a citA* at random, Gtt there with as few clothes and as little monc}* as possible. Rely on the kindness of strangers - as any chant)- worker will tell you, it's the rich suburbs that you collect the least money from, and the poorest subud^s that are the most generous, the most responsive to pleas for human solidarity If a streetwalker offers to let you crash on her veranda after she finishes work, take her up on the offer. When a drug dealer offers }-ou the rest of his french fries, accept with a genuine smile and sincere thanks. It's okay to ask people for directions. Most of the--^n time they won't know, or will ^ make it up because thev don't want to be thought of as rude, or will just plain be wrong Get to know through necessit}- where the best places for dumpster diving are, what times the police come around Hyde Park (or whatever equivalent space is present '•- ••j^;! in the cit\- of your choice), and what lies behind the building fiicadesyo u walk past when you're on vacation. Find out who you really are and what you're capable of Take, as they say, a cheap holi day in someone else's misery - and go get lost. By Rodney Catling •••'*?L^ 30 In SodircM of U)<>f FCOPIC: "The true paradises are paradises we have that if you allow refugee claimants to live in the community then lost."-Marcel Proust you should also allow those people to support themselves. Another issue is that there are a variety of valid reasons why people wait And so it is true of refugees - a group of people who have lost their longer than 45 days. Many people come from countries where homes and any sense of certainty for the future. How appealing their government persecutes them so there is a fear of approach the freedom we enjoy in Australia must seem to someone who ing government officials. Additionally, due to the traumatic nature has been detained for the past two years In Baxter or Woomera or of a refugee's experience in their home country, many individuals on Nauru. But, as Semper was to learn from interviewing several are uncomfortable in relating those experiences by repeatedly tell people who help refugees make the transition into the Australian ing their story to immigration. community, the change is not easy or facilitated by government policy. Eleanor: Also some refugees have such a strong hope that things will change in their country that Semper first interviewed Elea they will simply say "I don't want nor Kettle and Alisia Bentz, two to go through that process yet". people, around student age, who give their time volunteering at Semper: We hear a lot in the media The Refugee Claimants Support about hostility both from the govern Centre. The Centre is located at ment and from the community in 12 Bonython Street Windsor, a general towards refugees. Is that house outwardly indistinguishable the general feeling that you have from the rest of the houses on that in Australia we do not welcome the street. But then where better refugees? to integrate people into Brisbane than the conformity of the inner Alisia: I don't think most people Northern suburbs? are hostile towards refugees but if they do possess a prejudice Semper; How is the Refugee Claim then I think that it stems from a ants Support Centre involved with misunderstanding and a fear of refugees? who refugees are and where they came from. Eleanor: We work with people who have come to Australia (with a Semper: Can you give some exam passport and visa) and who have ples of common misunderstandings? then applied for refugee status. People who arrive this way are Eleanor: I've been to high schools not subject to mandatory detention Artwork by refuigee s at the Refugee and asked what is the percent age of asylum seekers held within so they live in the community while Claimants Support Centre their application is being processed. detention centres compared with the During this time many of these numbers in the community, and the people do not have work permission, access to Medicare or the answer I got was 90% when at the time it was about 14%. When I education system. tell them this everyone says "oh really, but we don't hear anything about these people?" That's because we only hear about people ir) Alisia: One of the major things we provide to refugee claimants on detention centres. I also have been to high schools and asked how bridging visas is emergency relief. Such as money for accommoda many asylum seekers come to Australia? "Millions". When the real tion, free food or public transport costs. All of these things come numbers are in the thousands, which compared to other countries out of donations and community support. in the world is a very small number. Semper: Why don't claimants get access to work and Medicare? Alisia: Once people realise and get the facts they say "Oh, we never knew, what can we do? We can't believe this is happening". Eleanor: If someone does not apply for asylum within 45 days of This misunderstanding is driven by the words used by the media arriving in Australia then they do not have access to work permis to refer to asylum seekers and refugees like "illegal immigrant", sion or to Medicare. The 45 days includes any 45 days spent "queue jumper", "boat people" - a lot of people don't even under within Australia during the last twelve months. stand how these terms can be negative and dehumanising. Alisia: The main reason why the 45 day rule is so controversial is Semper: Is there anything happening that is indicative of a solution Ai^^fralia md ^f\ispo(; 31 or improvement in how Australia is dealing with people who come when your family consists of, not only yourself, but your wife and here seeking refugee status? your four children? How do you hide them? I don't understand why Australia is locking up families. Alisia: Within the community it's getting better. I think that vari ous groups are making a difference in awareness and education. Semper: What about exempting women and children from mandatory detention? Eleanor: A outcome that was positive is that last year a piece of legislation was rejected which would have seen the people that Frederika: This has been tried and often the women say that they we work with go onto temporary protection visas (TPVs), rather would rather stay in detention than be separated from their family. than permanent protection visas (PPVs). TPVs a deny permanen Some have even asked to go back into detention. Maybe if the cy and some rights such as family reunion. It would have been camps were not located in remote parts of Australia an exemption, awful if that had been passed through but there was a lot of pub such as this, would be more manageable. lic outcry and it was knocked out in the Senate. Semper: The temporary pro tection visa employed by the Semper: So what can UQ stu government has received wide dents do? spread criticism, could you give us your thoughts? Alisia: They can volunteer, if they have the commitment Frederika: In October 1999 they can get a lot done. They temporary visas were in can also get the facts and troduced for those people share the truth with their accorded refugee status. That friends and family, or jjoin a created in our community the refugee support group. Things most vulnerable refugees that I will change when the major as an immigration officer have ity of the Australian popula ever experienced. These people tion realises what's going on, are not able to put down their beyond the media level. roots, they are not able to plan for the future, they are not able For more information about the to be reunited with their loved centre including how to donate ones - the children they had or volunteer check out their leave behind out of fear, not website www.refugees.org.au out of choice. These are people on the run. It is so cruel. Semper's second interview subject - Frederika Steen is Semper: What do you think of someone with stories to tell. the reasoning that if Australia is A former Immigration Depart Children on Nauru. made more accessible to refu ment employee, she now works gees we will be flooded? at the Romero Centre, a place that helps those people who have come out of mandatory detention with a temporary visa integrate Frederika: When people were fleeing massacres there was an into the community. opportunity for UNHCR to work on the border. To provide a safe haven and to look at the claims of some of those for whom settle Semper: What do you think about the government's mandatory deten ment is the only solution. The revenge cycle is almost insoluble in tion policy? some countries. Why would people pay people smugglers if they were offered safety closer to their homes? Frederika; There's no need to incarcerate those people who are seeking asylum unless you think they are criminals. Asylum seek Semper: How has the language used by the government influenced the ers want permanent residence. These people don't want to do debate? anything to upset immigration. They are so compliant. Why are we suggesting they will abscond when the reality is they wont. In Frederika: The fact that asylum seeker has taken on a negative a country of credentials and identity cards, it is very hard to move connotation is not an accident. 'Unauthorised arrivals' is another around without being discovered. How do you abscond and hide example - this language dehumanises them. An asylum seeker is 32 a person exercising their right to seek protection, how can you be a too dangerous for them. He is now working three jobs for failed person when you are simply exercising your right? the equivalent of one wage so he can support his family where they are. He is understandably enormously upset and Semper: Can you finish off by giving us a case study? Maybe the Tampa depressed - his family has nowhere to go and they have no woulld provide an interesting example. male protectors. The five year visa is one of the side-effects of the Pacific Solution - that's five years before you can gain Fredericka; Sure. The people who had been on the Tampa, mainly the permanent residency and five years before you can sponsor Hasara people from Afghanistan, were transferred to the troop ship your family into Australia. That illustrates very well the moral Manoora, no, it was more that they were conned. Our Prime Minister dilemma and who suffers the disadvantage of the life in had said they would be well looked after but in fact they were herded limbo of a TPV holder. into the cargo hold. The only daylight they saw in a week was during the half hour a day they were allowed up on deck to get some fresh Semper: What about the hunger strike? air. Frederika: When the people detained on Nauru sewed their The facilities in the hold of the Manoora were totally inadequate for lips together they had been in detention for thirty months. the number of people crowded in there. This combined with the fact These people were dead serious about freedom or death. that the food caused vomiting and diarrhoea led to some truly revolt It was not as Minister for Immigration Amanda Vanstone ing conditions. suggested about getting free passage or free places. It was always about gaining a humane solution for those on Nauru. People from another boat, mainly Iraqis, were also transferred onto They were saying "you can't forget and leave us here". the Manoora. They were put in another area. The two refugee loads did not know about each other. Romero Centre Info.: http://www.esjgws.org.au/Romero.html When the Manoora arrived at Nauru, the Iraqis in particular - feisty ithe.RorneroCerrti;©^^^^ :.' yy',^J':,:-^^''','y "I:.',,'. ^Z; . ".. people often qualified, educated, competent people - refused to disembark. They knew that the Manoora was Australian territory and [Appllaatlprisferef^ they knew Nauru wasn't. To get them off the Captain of the Manoora [are in,d6tenti6ri:;Asisc)6ri^^ had to con them. He did this by inviting a group of refugee leaders to ; cjsipn^ls macib;-thf :1|fu|e^ is^^J^ his office, from which they were marched out by soldiers and disem : tibrt.centres t^BfJS^^ barked forcibly. The next group of leaders were invited forward and ;elald|-br^Ffeiiii^(hioicSiSfl!^ the same thing happened to them. Groups of refugees were picked itakes5tvi/bid9ys;?ThQse^iKtiried,,f6r;Bris^ off one by one and this broke the back of the resistance. These ctheRomeroieoramumWi-Gentre^atBurancIa where.they are people had been on the Tampa for around four weeks, had been on ^ brlefed':and^Depa!^rtwit|bf I pntlfhigi^ib the Manoora and now they had also been conned and mistreated. [th|i||vp;;i^n|ph^^ They were traumatised, Part of their extra traumatisation happened itlillrfa^plifeliloinKteMsi^^ in the care of Australia. ; iT^ents.7:^l^merotC^mmunity;iCentre istafff aricL^o unteers bwe come-theiT)#dib^ the;?ett ern^nt prQcess3,^;i, „,/, When they landed on Nauru a sporting complex had been hastily set up as a camp. Most of the people lived under plastic tents. There |fl^nieror^Q(piriUnil5|eei;it^ was severe heat, flies and not enough water to drink and wash with. I tahceitep§pi^^ 30 months later about 400 had agreed to go home. Most of them, :Theyhave:,- • •:• '^'y:-:ny^:yim^ from anecdotal information, went back to Afghanistan and imme fr; Bed their homelandlaSd^sbntii^^ diately relocated across the borders into Iran and Pakistan because tially fled to)/seekmg sanctuaryJrom torture, persecution their homes were still not safe. Of those who stayed around 150 or • or death^-^•'•--' •"^^''^(y^-y^'^^^^V^^ ''^'' so went to New Zealand, this included the people from the Tampa, ^,.,Been; ,qompul5prjly-.<:jetaine^^^ some families and most of the unaccompanied minors. Four boys ;Australi*'autK6ritl^^ unaccompanied and under 18 stayed behind. : \/09rC . . • • - '-^ •'< •• • •'•'*•% J . I,- ,•'"• r vi'''^•.,-'•( -"•^'- '*•..;•-• «'•.?.*.•'•*,.•*. • *.--. »•-. • -..'•••• '-^' '••"• ^- ,••_- I ••.-.•..•-._....-.. V ^.'=Kv 5,.,>.,,'\- *•...• . •. "''•••,•">• ^ '''•,'"', •'.*•', ••, ' Some of those left on Nauru were found to be refugees by the UN convention on refugees and as, mterpreted'by the. Australian HCR but were forced to stay another twelve months in those awful .goyernmentv y.:yLyy^^yy:i/ry\::^yy::):\':-y-^^ •' conditions while a country was found for them. 21 of those guys came to Brisbane on the 2nd of September last year. They had been on the Island for two years, the last spent waiting. They were and still are suffering enormous senses of guilt and confusion. Their visas are only temporary in that they are only valid for five years. For one of the men this means that he cannot sponsor his wife and daughter, who ,.,.w.;.refUgeeSv'. ...^-.;^^ ...;..;-.:^«.,:.v..-v,- <,^- -- --.^'r.:-.^ •..,-,:- ;- - had to leave Afghanistan for a neighbouring country after it became -.:..'l t. _ '.• ' • •• • '-riy/'V ''^'y^i^vV ''-''y^y^. •''•'•'y-^''j'.'^''-::' '•'• 33 ^ ^"^^e fo^<^^ ftor era?* ' ''?^ ±^' ^^ ?. ,06 <^ ^"^iS^ of ^ TN ' j„^^^apos-ted Need access lo a reliable computer 24/7? Then you need an IBM Certified Used computer. They're tested and refurbished to exacting standards. And they have the applications and hardware features you'll need to get through your degree. Key features include: .^m^. rij^-;x.K CD j've !:• •- ^'M^; COi\y!0 :i-e •^.••ri'-^v ::^-v S.>-.';rirr Mcios.;" \//.••:.^;v^;^ •H:;:i-,e: ;::).;K;yi v\(v;n y;';. !>,fy c:'-:" Pick Up your IBM Certified Used computer today at =rs=s.=. ibm.com/au/jim = == = or call 1800 008 426 ==-= • Terms aiKl Coddinors: ^Ooniis package mcl.KlL's tockpack and T-sliiil A li,i| usi of pfodiicl (ealiites and ternis and codditKKis can be lotind al ilxTi.coni/au/)ini. IBM Cetliliad Used p'odiJcts are de'ivered pf eloadeJ v/ilh a MiCfosolt Window's opefaling syslein. Recovery CDs are not proMded. Pnces are in Australrait dollars and include GSf. but ito nol include S?5 detivery and are only available when piifcliased directly from IBM, IBM, the SM Logo. ThnkPad and Lotus aie UadernarKs or reostefed trademarle of Internalionat Business Macliines Cofporalion i.i tlie Un-.led Slates. o'Jier countries, or both. Inld and Pcniium arc tfademaiKs or registered trademarW ol Intel Corpotalicn or its sutxidianes in ttie United States and olticr (Entries. MicrosoU. WmCo'i'i's, Windows Nt, and he Windows logo arc Irademarte of Microsoti CoriioratJon in ttie United Stales. ottKf countnes. or botJi. ©Copyright IBM Australia Umilcd 2004. i&\ 79 000 024 733. © Copyright IBM Corporation 200-1. Alt rights reserved. 34 LENNY L U N C H B 0 IDES THE GAP Self-pronounced, Lenny Lunchbox Sutherland is held in high regard taking off or slowing down, then...BAM! If you're in 'the gap' ycu amongst work colleagues after his 'stellar performance' last Friday night just get to stay in the zone and despite all else you've got to know at 11:14pm. Until proven otherwise, Lenny Lunchbox currently stands it's sweet. It still gives me a thrill." as the only person to have 'taken the gap' whilst in the operation of a Over the last 12 months 'the gap' has grown in notoriety. bus. For all he cares, at work, Lenny-Lunchbox is big man on campus. 'The gap' has now become the closest thing to folklore your average Lenny's claim to fame is thanks to the existence of a mob of cabbies could ever dream to muster. The addition of betting brief window in time synchronicity that was first witnessed after the pools within cabbie ranks has seen ensuing reports of fellow-cabbie installation of the new Normanby Five Ways 14 months ago. This aggression, as up to fifteen cabs battle to enter the gap at such a window is rumoured to cccur every forth Friday night at 11:14pm. The peak hour time slot each month. Amongst yellow cabs, 'the gap' is window opens for only fifteen seconds, after which a car, travelling at everyone's business - where everyone always knows something more a constant speed of seventy km/h can travel from the Coronation Drive than everyone else. "Hale St Exit" to Kent St in New Farm in a consecutive series of While everyone has their story about 'the gap', down in green lights. The time taken for this remarkable journey varies between the Bus depot's tearoom, Lenny-Lunchbox assured Semper that 'talk is 3.48mins and 4.03mins. cheap.' "I'm not looking to blow my own horn. But I know cabbies Local yellow cab driver, Keith Stuart was the first to who have tried to take the gap but couldn't handle the pressure. And discover the phenomenon he coined 'the gap.' One month later, in cab then there's me, operating a bus, taming that bitch. I'm in a bus, # 267, Keith was also the first person to successfully 'take the gap.' baby! Whoa!...you want to touch this?" "It's all about commitment. This ain't your normal muckin' around; Lenny only added the 'Lunchbox' to his name after his most we're not here for the sights. You knew you've got only two hundred recent encounter with 'the gap.' And in Semper's humble opinion, meters of lag zone and you've got to stay at seventy no matter what. it's a title well deserved. In all honesty, after talking to Lenny, we After that it's all down to faith; lights are green and red, people are all left the Bus depot feeling a little jealous but at the same time inspired. S Send | ^ Save Draft | ifi) Attach ^ \'* 4- | ^ Tools • | fi3 Cancel 35 ^°' I [email protected] Cci I [email protected] Bcc: f Subject: | Lost To My Beloved Clarissa, Darling, Dearest, Dead. Lost! Lost! A sea of sorrow surrounds me! Ttius sundered from one so sweet and divorced for all eternity. How our love blossomed - yes blossomed! But now alas and the woe that is my comfit! To the heavens I say "woe!" but to my sorrows I say despondently: "Would that it had always blossomed and not withered in the Autumn." How now! How now young girl! How now because of you, exclamations inextricably riddle my speech! Striking now with a stroke and a dot! Thus! Thus! And Thus! Again! Avaunt Cupid! Avaunt and take your arrows from out this wretch's heart! And what of the pleasures disremcmbered - lost and now the arcane remnants of my crypt. Where are they now, the long and lazy summer days, the idle days when we would wrap ourselves about each other like a wayward cut lunch? They rest - silent - in a cinerary um. They sit upon my mantle draped in mourning, cobwebs and the dew of tars. I have made myself the very mausoleum which haunts me! Lost is my mettle! Lost is my luggage! Lost is the library of loves that once surrounded me! Aias! Alas! Thou too art lost! And now what is left me when so much is bereft? A lonely post, a broken lighthouse, a lost forsaken bedchamber. Yea! I too am lost - a soul, a lost boy in a lost world with only dinosaurs for company. But what is lost is oftimes found and the curtains of time are not easily parted. Your love ever more, Theodore Pompastus von Psytanix de Moribund. -THE ARMY.THE EDGE. Copy Messaqe to Sent Folder exPefiMentat The bid-medical faculty will pay you $299 to t:ak6 dajigerous amounce ot vaiioua growth hpr^wpncsfs. Vou iroy grow ovai-ioa or Right now. Queensland University Army Reserve Regiment is recn-iting Officers. If -suffer ctitranic Lwitiching but it'll be you're a university student it's tlie perfect worth it because, you'll be able to afford way to get outdoors, meet new people and make the most of the little time you have Microaort. OfCice 2002! It comes with av/ay from the textbooks. You'il also develop skills that will help in your future career and three licences, one for each of t:Jie heads receive tax-free pay tliat won't nffect your you m^y grow as a result of thin Austudy. For more information call 3721 4329 or 13 19 01. Information (txperiiaetvC. But hey, the toore the mtrrifit, seminars are held every Tuesday from 7pm eh? Come and g^t your infection In the at 2J V'^alcott Street, St Lucia. • www.defencejobs.gov.au software Bactjon of th* campui? bookshop. :M:' hTfMlC^12769.,-{'-''< ."• m RESERVEJlil INDOOROOPILLY VOTERS 47,678 Queenslanders born annually, 14,881 Queenslanders aborted annually Abortion the Issue U..ii;iii I cc Al I' L.ii)diJ.i(i- liu!...)i.ui|);i|y oppoics ahoriinii and « rtt^dv^. I ?'•« *" .'.' ''•t-'\ Si TMWtiH NEW. WtPNg>0*.Y. FfWUAHV 4. 2»0< Just prior to the recent state election month passed without any retraction being printed in the paper. On Wednesday March 17th Ronan Lee was sched here in Queensland an anti-ahortion uled to speak at UQ St Lucia campus on education issues. (anti-choice) ad appeared in the lo Students, including members of the Women's Action Col lective, met Ronan to question him about the promised cal Indooroopilly paper *South-West retraction, his opinion of the ad and his views on a woman's News' touting Ronan Lee as the num right to choose their course of action in the event of an ber i candidate to vote for. unplanned pregnancy. . Gbncern regardinjg tKe ad was widespread. Numerous com- Mr Lee could neither confirm nor deny his support for the /; plaints were made to Ronan Lee's office. A certain amount ad except to keep repeating that he did not place the ad /6f disbelief prevailed that an ALP candidate would be so and therefore 'even a moron could see I had nothing to do brazen abpiittlds issue given it wasn't an agreed policy with it'. Students countered this contention with the fact platform for the ALP. The day foUbwing the publication that ias his name was the only name prominently displayed 6f the ad iua email wias sent out b/Ronan Lee's campaign in the ad it would seem logical that he was linked with it j^J^irianager; SinionTto meinbers in some way This earned students the insult 'You really ', ^^ipfdie A^ stated that the ad was placed with- are a bunch of buffoons.' Students continued to try and '^ jout'Ronah Lee'^kii^^ debate the issues with Mr Lee, questioning him about the assurances of a retraction. Mr Lee totally denied that he or 4^^ i^llit^emiiil ^j^ the ad was ^ilearly run to derail anyone in his office had made any such commitment and when told that someone had direct knowledge of this un '^::'^'.0m'r':Aiyyy0m''- "-v :..?^^.-- • ^' •. i- -.•• ^. : • • • dertaking by his office he called her 'a liar', demanding that she gave hhn her name. Finally, Mr Lee blurted out that he 17 was a pro-life Christian and he wasn't going to change his easy way out... opinion of it before leaving for an apparently urgent prior engagement without making his speech. ... as if he had direct knowledge of making this decision. Students later discovered that this was not the first time Unsubstantiated reports about Abbot's experience of an Mr Lee had been at UQ St Lucia 'taking names*. A few unplanned pregnancy claim that he insisted that one of his years ago Mr Lee tried to set up an anti-abortion (anti- past girlfriends have his child and then abandoned her to choice) stall at Market Day. After being told by a Clubs and bring up the child on her own. He has neither confirmed Societies staff member that he was not allowed to do so he or denied these accusations. Whatever the truth here, it demanded her name, again trying to give the impression seems that Tony Abbott shows little regard for difficult that she would be 'dealt with'. decisions women make about their bodies; insinuating that abortion is a procedure women don't take seriously: "The Clarification has been sought from South-West News problem with the Australian practice of abortion is that an about a retraction of Mr Lee's ad. The South-West News objectively grave matter has been reduced to a question of categorically denied making any commitment to printing a the mother's convenience." It is highly inappropriate for a retraction. One of the editors did state that she rang Right politician to be making ill-informed moral judgments, con to Life after publication and they told her Mr Lee knew juring images of girls who sleep around and are too slack to about the ad, was happy and rang and thanked them for it. remember the pill. A few years ago Mr Lee tried to set up an ahti-abortion (antrchpice) stall at Market Day After being told by a Clubs and Societies Officer tHat he was not allowed to do SO he demanded her name, trying to give the impression that she would be "dealt ith": According to them Ronan only got upset with them after one of her journalists rang him to do a story on his stance There is a great deal more that could be said about repro so close to an election. ductive freedoms and the ethical issues that deserve serious consideration by our community The UQ Women's Rights There is no doubt abortion is a controversial issue with Area is interested in hearing from any students or staff at many valid points of debate. It is an incredibly difficult and UQ who would like to organise a respectful forum on these highly charged issue. It is for this reason that informed issues. These issues can be emotive and many people have debate should be allowed to occur. However, underhanded entrenched opinions but surely in such a renowned place of pohtical points scoring should not take precedent over the learning there are those who would like to go beyond the real-life experiences and opinions of women who, frankly, extremely limited debate that people like Ronan Lee and are the group in society most directly effected by any deci Tony Abbott apparently favour. sions or comments made regarding abortion. Still, this issue is so fraught with controversy that both major parties It is necessary at this point to clarify a common misun maintain a stance of supporting a 'conscience' vote on the derstanding: many people who support a woman's right to issue. It is interesting that the opportunity to exercise choose would not describe themselves as 'pro-abortion'. your 'conscience' is not a privilege the anti-choice lobby Further, it is important to acknowledge that while many ists wish to extend to those actually facing such a decision. women who choose to have an abortion are confident in This moral high ground was claimed by Tony Abbott in an their decision being the right one for them, women can article printed in The Australian on the same day as Ronan also suffer enormous distress in either making or reconcil Lee made an appearance on campus. ing such decisions. We encourage any women who require support of any kind regarding these issues to contact the In Tony Abbott's article he cited teenage promiscuity as Women's Rights Officer, Jess Essex through UQ Union the main contributor to an unacceptable number of abor Reception on 3377 2200 or the Women's Rights Organiser, tions in this country Tony Abbott failed to mention his Gillian Brannigan directly on 3377 2242 for a friendly non- government's lack of support for famiHes, children, child judgmental ear and referrals to specialist services if needed. care, maternity leave and a host of other issues that inform a woman's decision about whether she is able, and ideally Women are also invited to attend the Women's Action Col willing, to have a child. He also claimed abortion was the lective in the St Lucia Women's Room on Tuesdays at ipm 'easy way out' for women: for more general discussions. Or check out the Unks on the Women's Rights Area webpage. To a pregnant X4-yearoid struggling to grasp what's happening forviww.uqu.edu.au/women s example, a senior student with a whole life mapped out or a mother already failing to cope under difficult circumstances, abortion is the "Wit and insight! I want wit and insight! OKAY, Charlie?" appealed Andy, "I can't work under these conditions..." "Shut-up, bitch." "Ho. Alright man, there was 'this one time', at a psych lecture..." A girl down the back clears her throat and for a second the Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me from hushed class turns to glare at her before darting back to me and catching the first ten minutes of this doozy, I think, as I find a seat 'McCarrick the Austrian'. with Adam and Will's laughter still ringing In my ears. "Oi! You got Oedlpuz alright! I got my eye on you," he says as he "... Ze interpretation of de dreams must at *oll timez* be preceded by turns to lovingly examine the shaft of his pen. ze filtering and then ve vlll be coming to de mind-statuz checking." Cretin. Joel McCarrick delineates the boundaries of best-practice, Freud in I regress down to my mere philosophy tute. The flame-trees a faintly affected Austrian accent, his right Index sliding up one side outside Abel Smith now stand at the alert. Towards Tanja's the of his fountain pen, lingering at the pinnacle and going down on the fountain spews forth and first-years exploit drinking taps. My other side of the pen. feet pound forward, driving me rhythmically down through the cloisters of Forgan Smith to the fertility of Kant's Critique of "Ze student who arrived late - vaat are you seeing in your lateness for Pure Reason. to tell ze class, Huh?" "Nothing. Red Room Rocks." "If we assume that reality Impresses itself on our minds," reads "01! Denial! You subconsciously didn't want to come. After class we a lady in black who periodically halts to ponder and gaze at each should discuss your deep-seated -" of us In turn, "We assume that we're receptive to it, so we pre "No. Tweed scares me." suppose that we're intimately connected with reality. The sub ject structures structure-less sense perceptions. So, in terms of how we know them, objects are mere appearance. The existence of reality doesn't suffice to explain how we know It." Yeeeees. Apparently so! 41 Thought I'd lost you for a second there babe, actually (all glazed over); but no, the reality is I've gotta write a paper on this shite. I don't know how I know that. Mind races down to Lunchtime Transcendental Meditation at UQ Sport (motto: UQ - You Can TM.) "You lose focus a thousand times and your mind wanders, bring it back a thousand times. Only then will you truly lose yourself." "But master, we only know that we appear to be here anyway, "And there we were all in one place, a generation lost in space, so who cares?!" with no time left to start again....! went down to the sacred store, "No one should. Lose desire - only then will you be happy." where I'd heard the music years before, but the man there said "But,-" the music wouldn't play." That's not rock and roll. "Quiet!" He shoots with a frown that's quickly inverted with a closed-eyed-smiie of contentment, as he meditates on lov I roll, tumbling, to science class with Prof Petty. ing compassion. "Now everyone..." "Tibetan Monks can make their Left-Brains light up at will, so I lose myself in reverie-on Friday Schonell's screening "Lost they're happy. Creatives switch between sides faster. For integra in Translation", need to find someone who'll go - whether tion and stability." they like it or not They should be selfless, cause I say so. Sage advice. I find my Anchor again. "My baby don't care for shows, my "Now I understand, what you tried to say to me, Vincent. Starry, baby don't care for clothes...I've loved, I've laughed and starry, night..." cried, I've had my fill, my share of - " Lost it again. Must I tap. Now it makes sense. Only not. Confusing day. concentrate on the Sounds of Silence. Like that'll work. "Man, that's some freaky shite," said Andy "We can't print that - what about the great unwashed masses?! Get lost!" Bigoted fool - so I don't do wit! "No worries dude, I'll take my ser;ices to Vanguard. You lose!" I find my way to the gym, to do rapid, real, repetitions, so pure and so simple. How insightful. And I'm thinking "I once was lost, but now am found; was blind, but now 1 see." Somdlnncj about fresh organic vegetables? We're a iun-loving, experimental couple seeking a tliitd tor a mina-Llcrwing Semper and the biQ bwmmmeut Gol- oeaL We want you so we can get ledwe ave look'mcj for tweutij mitntioimllii Microsoft Office 2003 for $299. It minded nidwiduals to utilise the poten comes with tkree licences so we'll all tials of a UQ Pood Go-op, Ij ijoii are te completely satifiHea ana no-one will interested in being part of a cheap organic get jealous, if tnis sounds lite your vegetables syndicate on a weekly basis, kind of tking, viBit us in tke software section of tke campus Looksnop. emad ov call Semper before Jlprd 25. ph 3377 2237 emad semperMnion@uq£diiau ^light-time, Tuesday March 29 Armed v^ith sweets and cigarettes, Semper's own Timmi and Jimmi took to the field and spent the night in review of the Brisbane hobo scene. Contrary to urban legend, on this night the classic hot spots came up empty. The Story Bridge. City Botanic Gardcns^and New Farm Park, despite their prime waterside locations, all fronted no hobo subjects for interview. No vagrants in Musgrave Park either. Constable Donaldson of the Valley Cop Shop told . Semper that hobos just hang around, and if we couldn't find them, "they must have all gone home". Inciden tally, Constable Donaldson is soon to make detective. In the end, three hobos were interviewed". A ^ICiXl \VlTtl . TLl^ 6TAI2.6 Kenny Spock. 52 - McWhirters. Vallev Mall. their farms too and friends I know have been 01:15 locked out there for years." 'Seasoned' is the word for this professional hobo, "Now my eyes are fucked." who was business-as-usual during his dis cussions with Semper. "They could shoot me Kenny's tyrannical rant dead and they'd just ing started methodically pull out my file and after being approached just say I was crazy.. by Semper's killer opening Those police there!" of "Got a light man?" When it came to the hobo scene, Kenny 'm not a schizophrenic or a knew all the finer details while still homicidal, suicidal psychopath like maintaining a perceptive eye for the they say.. The psychiatrists, all of bigger picture. Kenny didn't really have them, run this country.. Now, I've a consistent point, and at the same time tried those psychiatric drugs, to his performance seemed troubled by see what my friends were fussing the slightest of qualifying refine about, but they didn't work". ments: "How do you know this Kenny?" By the end of their encounter, both Timmi and Lindsav36. King George Jimmi declared Kenny Square 02:35 the winner of Semper's Lindsay was a calm hobo recently created who's only concern "Conspiracy of the regarded Brisbane's im Month." minent cold weather. Lindsay claims he Kenny's, came to Brisbane Quotes^ from Bundaberg to be with his "I was friends. When in The he's not with Disco for his friends, three and a Lindsay half months, looks for and I still refused peace and quite. Lindsay occa to wear eye protection." [The Disco is prison sionally gets harassed by various parties, but punishment involving continual exposure to when you've got nothing there's only so much UV light. It's usually prescribed for seven people can take. Lindsay enjoys drinking days] moselle and concurred with Jimmi's appre ciation that it is indeed a fine drop. While "Once you start drooling on your bib, they've got you. Lindsay said he received benefits, he was And that's because while you're blubbering away, the later adamant in convincing Semper that he Government is collecting $500 a week off of every drone was looking for work while camping in Bris it manages to scrape off the streets... your pensions... bane. Ultimately Lindsay is looking for a safe the Americans own us all... they tried to send me out to place to sleep at night. Lindsay's Quotes: 43 "1 don't sleep with women, OK? If a woman wants to sleep with me then fine. But I like to sleep with myself. It's more quiet that way." "What, you've seen me before? I'm here every day. They stole my bag." "Jimmi? Ti... Don't make up your name!" [reaching for the digicam] "Let me take a photo of you two" "If anything happens to me, you can be my witness." Ziggv 47. Toowong Bagman. High St. 03:40 Ziggy wasn't taking any calls when approached, in their official capacity, by either Tim mi or Jimmi. It became clear that the bagman's sense of social decency had succumbed to his heightening level of novelty and local acclaim. Ziggy seems to have picked up a bit of attitude, post-Archibald entry. The bagman refused to talk to Semper, claiming that we owed him money. He also announced that his portfolio was expanding and so no longer needed a student publication. We were on his turf now - it was a little awkward. Ziggy's Quotes: "Not much really. I just sleep, eat, and sleep again." "No... No! It's not that I'm under contract exactly... it's just I don't need to be talking to a 'student mag'." * "Well what do I know? You young guys get drunk and you're noisy. But there's no need for violence." •'^^''• '^m^ "iiLV-SS 'M& . J.>'^-.'.••' J'' J- y-u/y-Z NightClub&CocI .-.-r,i;~..-: ../Jr ,•.. '•i'' ..^i..x4ji".',x#,i" ^fe'-;S m m i.-»'»r* m i4-l irWA\m^ -.1^i<:« •;>-».-»lVV;.. BASIC SPIRITS SKYYBLUE SMIRNOFF RED VODKA CRUISER BACARDI BREEZER CROWN LAGER IMPORT STUBBIES SMIRNOFF BLACK BACARDI & COLA 'tv-» piiii^icljays students night $1.50 BASIC SPIRITS 235 Edw.ircl St Brisbane 3220 1477 info(<')bn',b, Recently, I lost a brother m China. It's not surprising given the accurracy of translations over there. This phenom- enom known as Chinglish, is quite common and provides much amusement for those who are observant enough to spot it. I'm sure this is not unique to the Chinese and I don't intend to pick on them. By the way Rob, if you could make your way to the English and Dumbness centre and send me a bean card about your bitter mess that is just a story, then my earest heart wiil always be with you. .'^'f^e %.>«) "<^£^yo, ^1 mi ^mJ^}^ TAKING DEUCATION MEASURES.- EXBTING-TO' CONSTRUCLi^* ^f.^ FNC-fNEERlNG AND REMARKING NEW EXPLOPT FOR METRO CONSTRUCTION O.*^ Wt CART [fOy^iM^i^ CHINESE FOOD Fried fish with beer Fried dack with ginger ! mvm, fwntn^mmm>^^. i§sHs©a±. Crispy pork cliops i^wmmk }8g?E2jgsiaffl. Fried chicken siehuan style .", -:.• ,. _»-'^K Fried sjiails \m, wmwa/k5imm Pried 1^ with oyster sauc( 1 Ksaoi^a]ffifi3i!>i^ ! y ®\ \iiv „Ri-La Fried chicken with pineappl Shaogn-li IS legemUiy »toiy.tpJ«ce where pc«ch noweti bloom all ihe yctr.a pmdlse forfte people of Cbini. The slory is juttiuxy. Bm. b Guilia by the Goihna road from Cuilin Co Yaugjhuo.you can find a real Shadgri.|a,a beiotiful place.which Sizzling egg-pian* ^ is more channing than ibe one described in the stoty. The p|«ce for vtiilon is called Shangri-l,. It is aa area with mountaios.caves.bridges,rivetsj»use«.and peoplt who practise delighirul local ct«(oms.a place that will give you everlasting memories.-nie bappinest mrf the bitter mess of life can all bi found at Shongri- Sichuan style bean card •^ la.II is a place full of mother's love.Sbaogri-Ia also seems to be a beautiful charming girl who haj grown up and -'" came back to the home that she left when she wu very young. ^%\hi]^WiM^^^Wtk'^ YANQSHUO MOUNTAIN-WATER TOURISM DEVELOPMENT CO LTD. .-/ %«(Tel): (0773)8772666 8772664 }tJIFAX):(0773)877266l yy \ I "^ , Red Bull $3.95 TIMMI: Delectable, rounded, fruity flavour. HasCoolabah O expanded its range? A- JJIMMI: I'm thinking medicine; Tm thinking punch. Steady foundations that say 'the package has been ° .O delivered." A- Lucozade Orange Flavour $2.30 TIMMI: Was that Metamucil you bitches? I didn't agree to this C JIMMI: Colour does not equal flavour. But deceptively palatable. B Sugarfree V $3.50 TIMMI: Looks like urine, tastes like turpentine. C JIMMI: Could be fermented urine served chilled; It's pasty, but it's bottoms up from here. B- G Force $2.20 TIMMI: mm...vitamin supplement. B JIMMI: It's a fine line between juice-candy and NRG. Get your consistency together and then get back to me. On- Red Eye Platinum $2.90 TIMMI: Ginger Ale done on a budget B- JIMMI: Oh, it's zesty. It's a smooth old school flavour A- Sugarfree Red Bull $3.95 Lift Plus $3.10 TIMMI: Energy is about all this has going for it. An insult. A TIMMI: Gassy water syphoned from a fucking septic tank. C- damned Insult. C- JIMMI: It'll age well. I'm tasting leather and gooseberries. A JIMMI: I'm tasting water but seeing froth. Now that's market shot of vodka perhaps? B ing. C-H Red Eye Gold $2.90 Gatorade Tropical $2.90 TIMMI: I think I might spew, but not because of this. This is TIMMI: Inoffensive, which is high praise today. Appreciating pleasant. I'm thinking golden showers. B the metallic aftertaste. B JIMMI: It's off the rails - forging its own path in pepped up JIMMI: I heard that this is the cure to almost any ailment. goodness. Maybe a little too much bounce to this baby. B-i- Nothing inconsistent thus far. B-i- And the winner is... Kunjip Daechu$1.20 TIMMI: Don't tell me there Is some sweatshop where they XI $3.50 package 13 year olds' diarrhoea?) D- TIMMI: Yeeha - strap me in the saddle and start the clock.^ JIMMI: You don't sniff slurry; that's why it comes in a can. JIMMI: Aromatic bouquet. Flavoursome pleasure wave with a Serve with a soup spoon. This is NRG for geriatrics. E sharp finish. I'm popping a boner-you got me well ready. || 46 The Lost Album: a record of allegedly outrageous genius and enduring nnystery, unreleased in its time and all the more famous for it. ma Ml dSlms ^ m^ m The Beach Boys - Smile Tiie Beatle's Rubber Soul \w\\\}er\ced The Beach Boys' Pet Sounds vjhlch influenced Prince-The Black Album the Beatle's Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Bandwhich in turn influenced The Beach Sample Lyric: "I just hate to see an erection go to Boys' Smile. "But Jeremy, I've never of heard waste/rock-hard in a funky place." of Smile." "Exactly, that's why I'm writing this article" The disintegration of Prince begins here. Up until this point, the eighties had been good to Prince: his Smile is a lost album, a song cycle described albums 1999(1982) and Purple Rain (1984) were by Brian Wilson as 'teenage symphonies to mega-sellers, and 1987's kaleidoscopic double album God'. The album was written by Brian Wilson Sign O'the Times was considered an impressive artis while sitting at his piano in the middle of a tic achievement. The follow-up, dubbed The Black Al giant sandbox, only taking time out to snorl bum on account of the plain black cover art, was also speed, smoke marijuana and feel the sand intended for release in 1987. In fact, it was already between his toes. fully packaged and set for shipment when Prince, so the story goes, had a divine dream warning him not Wilson eventually put the kybosh on the album to release it. The only fragment that survived was a himself, believing that his track 'Fire' was caus ballad entitled 'When 2 Are In Love', which showed up ing real fires to break out in Los Angeles,.. Far on his subsequent album Lovesexy. too much weed for Brian. The Black Album was one of the most easily available In 2004 Wilson played a series of concerts in lost albums, with bootlegs widely distributed amongst which Sm//e was unravelled in all of its original fans. This caused Prince to finally release an official glory—the first time it had ever been heard in version of the album in 1995. its intended form. 47 The Who - Lifehouse The Beatles - Get Back In the early seventies The Who's Pete Townshend The Beatles intended Get Back to be a 'back to the roots' planned that most nefarious of overblown rock devices— type of record, raw and stripped down—all live, no over- the futuristic rock opera concept album. His vision was to dubs. However, the vision was never achieved as the be called Lifehouse, a simultaneous album/movie/perfor Beatles never finished recording the album. mance magnum opus, about a futuristic totalitarian soci ety where rock music is against the law and outlaw kids Phil 'Wall of Sound' Spector was called in to remix and find solidarity and draw energy from a secret live music remaster the unfinished songs, adding his inimitable pro club called Lifehouse. A little far out, sure, and destined duction flourishes: mountains of strings and piano, pretty to be forever scoffed at by record companies—and maybe sounds and various other bells and whistles. Meanwhile, the for good reason. With no deal in place to properly develop Beatles went back into the studio, laying down the tracks the idea, The Who just decided to keep the music and that would comprise their twelfth album release Abbey scrap the concept, resulting in one of their best albums, Road, released in 1959. When the Get Back album was 197rs Who's Next, the highlight of which is the eight finally released in 1970, much prettied up and retitled Let minute marathon rocker 'Won't Get Fooled Again'. it Be, the Beatles had already disbanded—with the ironic result that their penultimate recording was their final and In 1999 Pete Townshend released a six-CD box set from posthumous release. his website called The Lifehouse Chronicles, a compre hensive summary of all the Lifehouse-related stuff he had Reportedly, none of the Beatles were very happy with the worked on throughout the years, to the delight of about final product, especially Paul McCartney, who was incensed five madcap fans and a handful of grumbling completists. that Spector had messed with his sober piano ballad 'The Long and Winding Road'. The closest that Get Back ever saw to a proper release was Let It Be...Naked, a stripped down version of the album, released in 2003, which removed all of Phil Specter's pro duction. Some say that it was one step closer to the band's original vision for a rawer record, while others state that it was simply an overly complicated ploy by Paul McCartney to fix up his own song. Big Star - Third/Sister Lovers Big Star was a band with limited sales but great influence - think The Velvet Underground and Joy Division. Their contribution to the list of lost albums is the concurrently titled Thirdan6 Sister Lovers, so named because lead singer Alex Chilton and drum mer Jody Stephens were dating twin sisters during its recording. The album, recorded under the influence of frayed tempers and self-destructive apathy, is a strangely compelling work of fragile beauty and ramshackle disorder, the sound of a band gently and not-so- gently disintegrating. Although recorded in 1974 the album was not released in any form until 1978, well after the band had already imploded. The definitive edition was not released until 1992. Bv Jeremv Day P F UlEU Remember the Planetarium? The cosmic skydome at the Mt Coottha Botanic Gardens where you went on an excursion in Grade 5, with the reclining seats and starry, starry night on the roof? Whether you remember it or not, the Planetarium is still well worth a visit, serving as a reminder to us city-dwell ers that we all live on a blue planet spinning around a piddly sun in a rather large galaxy which is itself, in the middle of zillions of other galaxies. And that makes us all puny individuals. Infinity Express is definitely not a kiddies' show. Narrated by Laurence Fish- burne (apparently The Matrix gives him the necessary credentials), it takes the viewer hurtling past the moon, into the solar system, through our galaxy, then the next, onwards, outwards, upwards. It's an extraordinary feeling, like the Batman ride at Movieworld, only more cosmic. One moment you're floating through a nebula then suddenly streams of numbers and graphs are scrolling down around you showing the sheer computing that has gone into mapping the stars. It is a visual, scientitfic and philosophical treat. It will cost you $9.50 for a visit to the Planetarium these days but when what you are going to see is infinity, it's well worth it. Modern art gives a lot of people the shits. Many people can empathize with the pollies in Canberra when they say they Just want some art in Parliament House that they can "bloody well understand". The Prime exhibition showing at the moment pulls all the right punches, it's got an exhibition of video clips, stencil art and even band/DJ fliers mounted on white walls, in an attempt to capture the youth audience before they get old and jaded about how useless modern art is. The Video Hits exhibition is a strange one. If you're a Bjork fan you can happily sit down on a bean bag, don some headphones and watch her filmclips on a big screen for hours. But other than that, it really is just Video Hits, and you don't need to troupe it down to the gallery to see that. What is worth trouping down to the gallery to see is the adjunct Minister's Art Awards which showcases artwork done by Year 12 students across the state. The works attack some big themes, sometimes coming across a little forced (blame the art teacher?), but overall conveying some important messages in a truthful way. When much of the art we see around us these days is vacant, stylized design, it is refreshing to have issues like body image, war and conformity being addressed by young artists. If you've never been to the art gallery before, go now. It might be enough to change your mind about modern art. Best of all, it's free. The Visible-Ink Festival 2004 is about young people taking control of Brisbanel^ the whole event is inspired, managed and organised by Brisbane's youth. This festival encorporates everything about young people's culture in our city and includes bands, short films, theatre, art work, skate shows, a jumping castle, rock climbing, workshops, forums and plenty more. The festival finishes off with the King George Square Event on Saturday April 17th 10am - 10pm. Over three main areas (Main Stage, Chill Area and Play Area) and with over 220 performers, there will be live music, forums, workshops and displays. For more info check out the website: www.visible-ink.org Matthew Herbert has been infiltrating yours lives for the past couple of years, most likely without you even knowing it. His works have been so diverse and utilized for so many different types of media: films, ads, fashion shows and workouts from DJ's around the globe. This latest offering from Herbert is a collection of unreleased pieces from over the past couple of years. The A-side contains four tracks from his soundtrack to the film "Le Defi", including the title track On Your Feet, which is Herbert at his best. Combining shredding micro- funk disco beats with twisted almost Aphex Twin style vocoded vocals, On Your Feet is serious dance floor action. This is followed up by a Matthew Herbert Big Band (a 16 piece comprised of the cream of the UK jazz scene) remix of Sing ing In The Rain that can only be described as pure genius. Can Can clicks, cuts and rolls all at the same time result in a chronicly groovy tribal stomper. The flip side starts with The Beauty Of The Dream Vanished And The Breathless Horror And Disgust Filled My Heart, where Herbert pulls out all the heavy sonic artil lery to create a dark and demented monster. The final tune slips back about five notches into ultra smooth lounge mode. Frequent collaborator, Dani Siciliano makes another appearance with vocals for Wake Up and the combination results in, dare I say it, some heavenly jazzed out house. Once again, Herbert has man aged to blow the genre boundaries away, especially in the house department. There is nothing mindless about Herbert's music. Everybody should be listening to this. TIP! In the best piece of underwear-based humour since the classic bungee wedgie scene in The Jackass movie, The Underpants took Brisbane audiences on a farci cal, slap-your-sides-and-snort-occasionally-mass-applause-mid-scene trip back to Imperial Germany. Carl Steinham's original play was adapted by Steve Martin (yes, THE Steve Martin) and begins just after Louise loses her panties while watching the Kaiser's procession pass. We quickly learn that Louise's little faux pas was witnessed by more than one sexually frustrated male. For those who didn't catch it, an announcement was made over the PA at the train station. It is not long before people start knocking on the door, wanting seconds. What follows is an hilari ous, light-hearted look at gender relations, class pretensions, celebrity, male ego tism and female desire. QTC's first two shows for the year have been impressive forays into absurd, kitschy comedy and for only double the price have beaten any film this particular reviewer has seen in the last few months pants down. For their next produc tion in late April through to the end of May our state theatre company will be bringing Chekhov's classic 'The Cherry Orchard' to the Bille Brown Studio. Get dressed up, pack some beverages and your togs, see the play, have a run around South Bank and make a night out of it. 50 7^^ S> Love Victor w of your payment Rnd me working In the "Oh, I'm lost!, lookout, I'm back, I can't stand rushed campus bookshop. Discretion is requested; trips." please use code name tiafgain" to identify me. " I saw no-one during my trip, and I fear no-one saw me. although my thoughts were somewhat limited at ' .: /'•T^j the time." ... ..^,...,^v:i^w-'-^v' '•^••'v'' • -•••• • '•<• y:y^si:'-^:? " This brings me to my point. Have you ever wondered about the unbearable pain and anguish that a mis mm:] placed set of keys must go through?" '... :>• • •>.• V ••.. •• "No, nobody cares." t0^0l'--y^mm r-y The 'hialfway House for Misplaced Keys* [THHMK] refused to comment on the issue, however, the 'Office .••«f,'*^Tl VifAl of Lost Keys United [OLKU] had this to say: r"m m>^*>-JB~ . pill^ %u..fe% ^.ft'^i ^WIP^ "When we hear of such matters, our hearts and key s rings go out to the families and friends of these poor L?:;^ nriisplaced keys, and having said that, it really is the mm 1^ •^\l matter for the THHMK." !*J^ •• ; :-.i.^^';J,H^ No further comment has been made on the issue 1 '\ '."~ since World Wide Keys (WWK) threatened industrial 1.-*. • • • - '-^ ^ t•K^• •••.r^'M by Brian Leslie ["I tried to tie it in with globalisation but I'm not sure if it comes through"] •::^:i^v. .-.i. 51 Daniel Tang Craps On... I laugh at them; an arrogant, condescending laugh that There is more than one way to tell probably says more about me than anyone else. They walk someone to Get Lost! by Jacob Aldridge around uni, their faces buried in crisp new UQ maps. Yes, Fuck Off. the first year students who are lost. "What a newbie, he doesn't know where the Abel Smith theatre is," my posse This is a perennial favourite of mine - crisp, clear, and I snicker to ourselves after pathetically stalking a poor and to the point. As a shameless name dropper, I am student across the Great Court from the Hawken com pleased to report that I was once told to F-off by the plex. Apparently the student had the map upside down. head writer of Good News Week, back when it was After more than two years at uni, one should really be over on the ABC and both humourous and informative. We the whole "deer in the headlights" thing. But if you find had entered into a witty banter about the fundamen yourself as a third, fourth, fifth, sixth or seventh year stu tals of comedy. He told me I just wasn't funny. I told dent still chuckling at lost first years, contact me. We can him I supported funding cuts to the ABC. He told me to Fuck Off. sit around and laugh together. Really, we can. I can. You And this is one of the most interesting things Can. UQ about the more risque versions of the basic *Get Lost' paradigm. He had ran out of intellectual things to say What really makes me spurt my pants usually occurs half before I did. Rather than creating a witty retort, he way through a tute. You hear a knock on the door. It settled on curse words. I had no recourse, but I had creaks open excruciatingly slowly, whetting your appetite victory. at who may be behind it. An innocent face peeks in, and Anyway, that's what I told myself as I began to cry. asks, in the most don't-hurt-me-l'm-a-cute-little-furry- animal voice: "Is this where the so-and-so tute is?" One And the Horse you rode in on. day it happened seven times in a two hour tutorial. Why Unlike the harshness of F-off, 'the Horse' remains do these people always get the wrong tute? Lyrics from witty and still leaves the other party no recourse. It Dashboard immediately came to mind: "Hands down this is, of course, the secondary component to the much is the best day I can ever remember..." longer 'Fuck you and the Horse you rode in on', where the emphasis on the conjunctive is intended to add So my lost brethren, I'm sure you felt a little stupid and Intelligence to the no-brainer of the first clause. embarrassed after such a wayward and disorientated feat. For the uber insecure, you probably suspected people By simply using 'the Horse' you avoid the curse word, were laughing at you. I'm sure they were. I would've and often leave the other party stumped as to what you mean for long enough for you to add a celebra been. But take heart, the following is a sound solution to tory 'yeahi' and obligatory finger point. your woes. Kiss my ass Firstly, I have my pride. I have my dignity. I read my maps in toilet cubicles. My favourite toilet is located at This is the F-off for those who don't want to use Fuck. level three of the Social and Behavioural Sciences build It used to be "Why don't you kiss my ass?" until los ing. But, I don't want more people flocking to my favou ers like me discovered the retort "Fear of herpes!" rite crapping site. Beware, like territorial animals, I pee on the doors and floors, marking my turf ='Tawr*. What's The problem with KMA is that it has become stale and good about it? It's central to everything. It's dark, seclud cliched, bestowing neither prowess nor victory on the person who says It. It also degenerates the conversa ed and pleasantly pungent in smell. The perfect combina tion to a depth that cannot be built upon - neither of tion of human refuse and urinal cakes. More importantly, the obvious responses ("Suck my dick" and "Only af it doesn't have consistent periods of high use. Nothing is ter you kiss mine") really build the conversation back more annoying than hordes of people crapping simulta to Its previous heights. neously with you. The perfect location for anyone who wants to read a map while laying some cables. This way Exotic Curries you can't get lost - your arse is firmly glued to the seat. "Order a bucket of ghee to put in your saag during roti" Roughly translated: "Order a bucket of butter that has the milk solids and water removed to put in your Indian spiced spinach during entree" (rotI - an alter native to naan) Hal Those crazy Indians... Now, I don't know about you, but when I see someone mixing ghee and saag, I sure get the message. And I go looking for my horse. PARTS OF ORIGINAL DOCUMENT MISSING OR ILLEGIBLE so you«,,wann| change the write fdc^i^Q^ a^d mm • " . • •". . . '•"US. ••''•••• < •'•^^;^^^/'--' #^^ ,/