EXPERIENTIAL ACTIVITIES FOR A BETTER WORLD : A Guidebook for Facilitators, Teachers, Trainers and Group Leaders
By Marilyn Levin, with Lea Arellano
Foreword by Laurie Frank
Experiential Activities for a Better World: A Guide Book for Facilitators, Teachers, Trainers and Group Leaders Copyright © 2010 by Marilyn Levin All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without proper citation of the author. ISBN 145379333X
Dedication
This book is dedicated to the brilliant, loving, passionate, creative, courageous being within you. May this book support the fullest expression of your soul’s purpose. TABLE OF CONTENTS
TABLE OF CONTENTS...... 4
FOREWORD ...... 6
INTRODUCTION ...... 9
INFORMATION FOR EVERYONE...... 12
THE POWER OF POSSIBILITY: TRANSFORMING YOURSELF AND THE WORLD...... 12
CULTURAL CONDITIONING, NOT PERSONAL FAILING...... 22
RECLAIMING YOUR HUMANITY ...... 42
TOOLS TO TRANSFORM EMOTIONAL CONTROL INTO FLOW ...... 48
TOOLS FOR TRANSFORMING SCARCITY INTO SUFFICIENCY...... 55
TOOLS FOR TRANSFORMING SEPARATION INTO CONNECTION...... 66
BECOMING THE ONE’S WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR...... 75
INFORMATION FOR PEOPLE WITH EXPERIENCE...... 82
THE FABULOUS FACILITATOR WITHIN ...... 82
TIPS AND TOOLS FOR THE FABULOUS FACILITATOR...... 99
THE SYSTEMS OF OPPRESSION ...... 111
ACTIVITIES FOR EVERYONE (LISTED ALPHABETICALLY) ...... 124
ACTIVITIES FOR PEOPLE WITH EXPERIENCE (LISTED ALPHABETICALLY)...... 216 INTRODUCTION TO HANDOUTS (LISTED ALPHABETICALLY)...... 308
APPENDICES – REFERENCES AND RESOURCES ...... 343
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ...... 354
ABOUT THE AUTHOR AND CONTRIBUTING AUTHOR...... 355 FOREWORD
I have been fussing lately about the state of our world - what with oil spills, political polarization, and an economy that only seems to work for those who have the most. But this year, each time my fret level edged up to orange, I was served a healing antidote of hope through my work with people. To best describe how this book, Experiential Activities for a Better World, can truly make a difference, I must share the four touch points of my year:
• I had the opportunity to spend a week at the United World College in Costa Rica where I interacted, dialogued, and witnessed little miracles of cross-cultural interaction between youth. This 2-year immersion program brings high school students together from 60+ different countries, and I saw how they strive to not only be together, but also to share, dialogue, and seek to understand. They have a passion for making their world a better place through collaboration and sometimes sheer will. I was inspired.
• My partner, Bert, and I had the honor of working with the Inter-Tribal Student Organization at the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh. Many of these students are the first from their families to attend college. Their struggles are similar to the trials and tribulations of all college students with the addition of what it means to be Native in a mostly Euro-American setting and world. I learned about their commitment to supporting each other to achieve their goals and experience success. I was touched.
• Early in the year I was contacted by a rather new organization in Madison, Wisconsin called OPEN: The Out Professional Executive Network. They had only been around for a little over a year and were making great strides at creating a professional networking space for those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and allies. They were interested in doing a workshop on cultural competence. Through many meetings and dialogues, we were able to co-create an event that had focus, depth, and purpose – something I could not have done alone. I was stretched.
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• Most recently, I had the opportunity to co-coordinate a week of leadership learning on a schooner through the Global Youth Leadership Institute. The week included intact groups from high schools in the U.S., and was joined with a group of young people from many countries in the Middle East through the Youth Exchange Program sponsored by the State Department. I was unsure how these young people would come together, and was even nervous about how it would go in such a short period of time. We simply provided opportunities for connection, and these young people took it from there. During the week a sense of community was pervasive and our task, as the adults, was to stay out of the way. I was humbled.
All of these experiences made me a better person because of the connection with people who see the world as a place that includes them, and are willing to take risks to make it a place that includes everyone else, too. To do this, people need ways to come together in their plurality – to join together and make good things happen.
This is what Marilyn Levin gives us in this gem of a book. She offers facilitation pointers, background, and most importantly, context on how to use activities for connections and exploration. She reminds us that the activities, in themselves, do nothing. It is the power of the process and how we use the activities as tools for connecting that is the real point.
Since 1993 I have had the pleasure of calling Marilyn Levin my colleague. She brings an enormous positive energy to the table as facilitator, guide, and friend. Her fun and spontaneity come through when she busts out an interpretive dance or convenes a rousing session of the “Menagerie Card Game”. Participants in her workshops are treated to a disarming sense of humor that helps open a space for dialogue, and an ability to draw out issues for exploration through the timely use of activity and discussion. She teaches us all that when we wrestle with serious issues, we don’t have to draw a line in the sand – we need to find ways to gather together, find our common ground, and build it from there.
Marilyn shows us that it is not simply about doing something, but our frames of mind, perspectives, and how we perceive both the world and ourselves that really count. We can’t let the detritus of competition, accumulation of things, and even hate overwhelm us because, when that happens, it is over. Only people can make this world a better place – and it must be done together in a spirit of collaboration, sharing, and love. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 7 of 356
Hope usually comes in quiet and unexpected places. It’s found outside of the spotlight, and through my experiences this year I was reminded that the future of our world does not rest in the hands of the politicians, the powerful, or the photographed. True change rests in the hands of those who are doing the difficult work every day. Experiential Activities for a Better World offers many tools to make it happen. It is our responsibility to make it work.
Laurie S. Frank Experiential Educator and Author, Journey Toward the Caring Classroom
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INTRODUCTION
Experiential Activities for a Better World delivers the information and inspiration you need to become a catalyst for personal and global transformation. It provides insights, methods, perspectives, tools and over 100 activities for facilitators, teachers, counselors, trainers, and group leaders – anyone who would like to transform injustice and inspire hope and healing in themselves and others.
You can use the insights, tools and activities in this book to work with yourself, another person, in pairs, small groups and large groups. Many of the approaches, tools and activities in the book can be used by people with little or no experience. For people with experience, there are additional chapters of instruction and intermediate and advanced activities and handouts.
Experiential Activities for a Better World provides an explanation of the experiential learning cycle, guidance in the facilitation of the activities and topics in the book, and instructions on teaching people to respond to personal and societal challenges with confidence, compassion and power.
This book came about after a decade of requests for written versions of the approaches and experiential activities I use in my trainings. These approaches can make potentially divisive topics more fun and empowering – especially in working with people who aren’t drawn to topics like diversity, injustice, or transformation. I regularly get comments like: “Diversity is not my thing but if anyone gets permission to teach me about it – it’s you,” and “I was really dreading coming to this training, but I want to thank you because I got a lot out of it and had a great time.” It is my honor to share these approaches and activities with you.
Experiential Activities for a Better World begins with an exploration of the amazing possibilities that exist when we individually and collectively access our power to transform who we are. The book then explores the cultural conditioning (the training we get about who we are “supposed” to be and how we are “supposed” to act), not the personal failing that has us falling short of our potential as human beings.
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Experiential Activities for a Better World delivers the tools you need to become an agent of transformation. Transformation occurs when there is an irreversible alteration, like the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly. Human beings, like caterpillars, have the power to permanently alter themselves and their environment.
The transformational approach to a better world calls for an awareness that our culture marginalizes whole groups of people and creates barriers for entire segments of society. But more importantly, it calls for an emphasis on the possibilities for healing instead of a fixation on the problems. The transformational approach encourages people to take responsibility rather than find fault or blame. It is grounded in the amazing capacity of humanity instead of the overwhelming nature of the challenges. It seeks to replace retaliation with reconciliation, judgment with acceptance and struggle with possibility. And, it advocates personal transformation as the access point to global transformation.
I consciously chose not to explore the impact of inequality on people who lack power in our society in great depth in Experiential Activities for a Better World because many other good books have been written on the topic. One I recommend is Teaching for Diversity and Social Justice by Adams, Bell & Griffin. I spend more time in this book on the impact for people who have power in our society because this topic has not been covered as fully.
In order for transformation to occur in our world, all parties within the system (the powerful and powerless) must experience healing and participate in creating new possibilities. Nelson Mandela, Mohandas Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King Jr. all embraced the reality that both the people who are suffering and the people inflicting the suffering (whether intentional or unintentional) have to heal for the situation to transform.
I applaud your courage and enthusiasm in working for a better world. It is impossible to do so without error. I encourage you to approach this work with immense compassion and courage. Have deep compassion for how we have all been conditioned to mistreat ourselves and others. Have great courage in your conviction that healing is possible for humanity.
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I invite you to accept that each of us is an amazing human being capable of extraordinary courage, creativity and compassion. I invite you to settle for nothing less than the transformation of our world into one where we all live with dignity, purpose and joy. Live by the words of Dawna Markova:
“I will not live an unlived life, I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, To allow my living to open me, To make me less afraid, more accessible, To loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, and a promise. I choose to risk my significance to live, So that which came to me as a seed goes to the next as blossom, And that which came to me as blossom, Goes on as fruit.”
SPECIAL NOTE - Experiential Activities for a Better World , would not have been written without the inspiration that came from my participation in the Association for Experiential Education , www.aee.org . This amazing group of human beings never ceased to provide learning, support, inspiration and lots of fun! I wish to acknowledge the following authors/practitioners for their work in experiential education and diversity: Karen Warren, Denise Mitten, Nina Roberts, Rita Yerkes, Laurie Frank, Burt Zipperer, T.A. Loeffler, Karen McKinney, Lynne LaPoint, Kineda Lyde, Lara Mendel, Maketa Wilborn, Brian Ivory, Bobbi Beale, Mart Perkins, Tanya Thundberg, Maclellan “Mac” Hall, Eric Evans, Diane Yarborough, Mary McClintock, Suzy Ross, Arthur Conquest, Tom Lindblade, Sky Gray, Tony Alvarez, Pricilla McKinney, Quiana Perkins, Sanford and Binky Tollette. I realize there are others who have made valuable contributions to our work over the years. Omissions are not intentional and apology is extended for anyone erroneously missing from this acknowledgement”.
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INFORMATION FOR EVERYONE
THE POWER OF POSSIBILITY: TRANSFORMING YOURSELF AND
THE WORLD
“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - as in being able to remake ourselves.” - Mohandas Gandhi
OUR CURRENT EVOLUTION
Humanity is in a constant state of evolution, growing and developing in minute increments every day of our existence. And, at rare points in history, our development as human beings takes an evolutionary leap forward, moving us from one era of humanity to the next. More and more people believe that we are currently at one of those historic junctures, about to take a leap towards a whole new way of existing together as human beings on the planet we share with each other.
This perspective comes from the graphic reality of struggle and suffering that we have created for ourselves in modern times through systems, structures and ways of being that are inhumane and unsustainable. This perspective also comes from the amazing displays of creativity, courage and compassion that have come out of efforts to solve the complex, entrenched struggles of our times. Regular people all across the globe are rising to the challenges in the world with passion and hope.
Just as we are inspired by the biological miracle of the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly, we have created miracles of metamorphosis throughout the history of our development as human beings. We have demonstrated time and again that we have the power and the will to transform who we are and how we live.
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One example is the 15 th Century Renaissance. According to Jean Houston in Jump Time , “The Renaissance was literally a new birth - breech birth of the human soul. In the midst of vast changes and upheavals, the artists, philosophers, and explorers of Florence entered the future facing backward toward the past. The lost legacy of the world's past thoughts and dreams was born again into their time, and from this stimulus they grew a new body and a new mind.” This joining of modern and ancient wisdom propelled humanity forward in the Renaissance much like it is a catalyst for global transformation today (Houston, 2000, p. 32).
OUR LEGACY OF COOPERATION
In Confronting Injustice and Oppression , by David Gil, we see that human nature is not inherently about conflict and inequality. Our history as a human species shows we are infinitely more cooperative than we are currently demonstrating on a global scale.
“Contrary to widely held, taken for granted beliefs, injustice and oppression are not inevitable, natural characteristics of human life. The study of evolution reveals that these practices did not become firmly established in human societies until some ten thousand years ago, following the discovery, development and spread of agriculture, animal husbandry, and crafts, which gradually generated a stale economic surplus” (Gill, 1998, p. 17)
Gil’s book gives us a picture of how we got to where we are today. When we take a long view of our history as humans, we realize that we have spent infinitely more time in cooperation with each other than in conflict with each other. Modern humans evolved over 200,000 years ago and it is only in the last 10,000 years that we have been living in increasing disharmony with each other and the earth. It turns out that this economic surplus created as many problems as it solved for us as a species, problems that have grown exponentially more complex and troubling. Once we became able to produce significantly more than it took to meet our own groups’ needs, societal structures and cultural roles began evolving. The newly realized economic surplus and resulting reorganization of labor roles set the stage for increasing opportunity to dominate and exploit others, leading to a you OR me world where there wasn’t enough for everyone because of over accumulation by some (Gil, 1998, p. 17-21).
This helps us to see how we created the current inequalities in our world. We don’t need to accept the myth that inequality is an inescapable part of who we are as humans. It is, in fact, not who we are, only www.MarilynLevin.com Page 13 of 356 who we’ve been recently. And we have made tremendous strides as of late in grasping that it is time to inspire a cultural transformation reconnecting us to our humanity and each other.
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CHANGING OUR MINDS AND OUR WORLD
“All the significant breakthroughs were breaks with old ways of thinking.” - Thomas Kuhn
“We are living through one of the most fundamental shifts in history – a change in the actual belief structure of Western society. No economic, political, or military power can compare with the power of a change of mind. By deliberately changing their images of reality, people are changing the world.” - Willis Harman
More and more people believe that we are abandoning this era of struggle and conflict and ushering in a new era of mutuality, sustainability and vitality. In Global Mind Change , Willis Harman (1998) explains that “throughout history, the really fundamental changes in societies have come about not from dictates of governments and the results of battles but through vast numbers of people changing their minds – sometimes only a little bit. Some of these changes have amounted to profound transformations – for instance the transformation from the Roman Empire to Medieval Europe, or from the Middle Ages to modern times” (p. viii).
The Post Capitalist Society by Peter Drucker explains that periodically in history our society rearranges itself. Transformations occur in our world view, our values, our social and political structures, and our way of life. There is mounting evidence that we are nearing such a point in history. In the view of Ray and Anderson (2000) in The Cultural Creatives , “We are currently living through a social transformation that is attempting to address the overwhelming spiritual and psychological emptiness of modern life and to preserve and sustain life on the planet” (p. 316).
While societal transformations of this nature present tremendous challenges, they also present equally impressive opportunities. As a human community, we get to use the deepest sense of our humanity to inspire our next evolution, which will align our actions with our highest aspirations and ensure a thriving existence for generations to come.
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Lynne Twist (2003), global activist and author of The Soul of Money explains, “The job of our time is to hospice the death of the old unsustainable systems and structures and to midwife the birth of new sustainable systems and structures and new ways of being. To hospice those systems…is not to kill them, but with some compassion and love to witness their disintegration, and then to midwife with compassion and love the development and creation of new structures, systems, contexts and constructs that support and empower sustainable ways of being. These ways are based in the reality and understanding of a world in which there is enough, in which we can all thrive, not at each other’s expense, but in collaboration and cooperation” (p. 252).
One small, yet powerful, example of this at work is Paul Wesselmann’s The Ripples Project www.theripplesproject.org , whose purpose is to explore the extraordinary power of tiny actions. The Ripples Project, a new way to spread our profound impact, now involves an ever growing number of people creating ripples of potential and possibility throughout the world.
THE POWER OF POSSIBILITY
"Herein lies the real hope for our future, we are moving toward the ultimate destiny of our species-a state of compassion and love. There is a process at work, called moral evolution, and I see evidence everywhere - in history and in the contemporary world- that things are getting better. There's far more good going on than bad” - Jane Goodall
Congratulations for NOT surrendering to the unrelenting cultural conditioning that nurtures the worst in you. Our culture supports, empowers and encourages the you that wants to judge, to criticize, to polarize, to give up, to be greedy, to be cynical, to dismiss immense suffering and focus on self gratification. Be present to what a miracle it is that in spite of all of this conditioning - you do hope, you can love, you are not shut down, you have not given up, you can give and receive love and you are committed to making a difference with your life.
Through our life in this global village, each of us gets to make our personal contribution to the next stage of development as a human species. We get to rise to the occasion, digging deep inside ourselves to www.MarilynLevin.com Page 16 of 356 access our generosity, compassion, commitment and tenacity to confront the challenges of our time with our fullest humanity as our greatest resource. What an honor and a privilege.
In preparation for the chapters that follow, where you are offered tools for transforming the cultural conditioning that isn’t working for us as a human community, I invite you to use the activities below to recognize your capacity and ground yourself in who you are at your deepest level. The only reason you may not be fully aware of how badly you want the world to work for everyone is that you’ve fallen into the trap of hopelessness. Once you grasp the power you have to create the world you hope for, you get totally excited about taking that on.
Just imagine if I told you – YOU CAN feed all of the hungry people. YOU CAN create peace throughout the world. YOU CAN fuel love and compassion as a way of life. And YOU CAN create a world that works for everyone. How would that make you feel?
I am telling you now – YOU CAN do all of this and more.
You might be thinking - that’s not possible. But, what IF you really believed it WAS? How much passion would be present when you allow your deepest wants to blossom? How inspired would you be about making your dreams for the world a reality? How quickly and powerfully would you start taking action? How much joy and fulfillment would be present at the profound difference you’d make?
Take a moment to reconnect to your deepest wants. When you do this you get in touch with your soul, your humanity. You break free of the cynicism and resignation that causes you to give up hope for these deepest dreams. You reconnect with your passion to create a world where everyone thrives. You become inspired and on fire to take action!
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YOUR AMAZING CAPACITY
MIND POWER ACTIVITY – MOVING OBJECTS WITH YOUR MIND
Use this activity to explore your hidden potential. Tie a one half-inch washer to a foot long piece of string. Hold the string out in front of you about level with your forehead. Now still the washer at the end of the string with your free hand. Use your eyes to focus and concentrate on the washer, see if you can get the washer to move from side to side while keeping your hand as still as humanly possible. Once you’ve succeeded at this, try making the washer move from front to back, and then try making it move clockwise in a circle and then counter clockwise in a circle. If you are unable to move the washer at first attempt, put aside distractions and concentrate fully on using your eye movement to influence the washer movement.
What you’ll find is that simply with your intention and focus, you’ll be able to create something you didn’t know was possible – making a washer move with your thoughts. This activity is our reminder that we have amazing hidden capacities.
The first step to creating the world that works for all is to be grounded in the reality that we have an amazing capacity to do things we don’t yet know we are capable of doing.
The second step is to take actions that are in line with this perspective – small and large – anything that inspires you or seems like the thing to do. When you are in touch with your unlimited capacity, you no longer buy into your previously accepted constraints and limitations. You dare to try what can appear to be impossible. When you live from this place, you are living from your soul.
This foundation will serve you well as you explore ways in which you can create transformations in your life and in our world. This activity, taken from www.peaceisthewayglobalcommunity.org , provides you with your soul profile, a list of 21 qualities that are present in your life and can be actualized starting today. If you act on the basis of these qualities, you are living from the level of your soul. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 18 of 356
FIND YOUR SOUL ACTIVITY
Write down your response to each of the following, using three words or short phrases:
1. What is your purpose for being here?
2. What will be your contribution to the world?
3. What do you see as your unique talents?
4. What are the best qualities you display in your closest relationships?
5. Who are your heroes in myth and legend?
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6. Which qualities do you most admire in others?
7. At the peak moments of your life, how did you feel?
Pull out consistent themes in your answers. Condense your soul profile to three or four words or phrases. Use this level of understanding of yourself to drive how you choose to live in the world. ______
*See Find Your Soul Activity write up for more.
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SUMMARY
We have demonstrated time and again that we have the power and the will to transform who we are and how we live.
More and more people believe that we are abandoning the era of struggle and conflict and ushering in a new era of mutuality, sustainability and vitality.
Through our life in this global village, each of us gets to make our personal contribution to the next stage of development as a human species.
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CULTURAL CONDITIONING , NOT PERSONAL FAILING
“Ultimate vulnerability is the only true courage.” - Peaceful Warrior, www.thepeacefulwarriormovie.com
“The most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.” - Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart (1997, p. 32)
If you are like most people, you are resistant to accepting the parts of yourself that you don’t like. Examining where you are not living up to your potential is something you avoid, because you see it as personal weakness or failure. But, if the cause of our failings as human beings is so individual, then why are most humans falling short in very similar ways?
In this chapter of Experiential Activities for a Better World , you’ll explore the tremendous influence cultural conditioning has on the ways most of us fall short of who we can be. And, you’ll see a whole new world of possibilities open up as you free yourself from the limitations of this conditioning.
While it can be painful for you to examine aspects of yourself that you are least proud of, there are huge gifts in doing so. As you uncover the cultural conditioning that encourages you to settle for less in yourself and in the world, you gain access to freedom from this conditioning.
In her book Illumination – Inspiring Stories about Finding the Silver Lining , Karen Wheeler Hall, www.FindMoreJoy.com , shares true stories that remind us how often something that initially appears to be bad actually turns out to be good. Karen says, “It takes willingness and initiative to look for the good, and often patience to wait for it, as the positive outcome is not always obvious or immediate. By choosing to keep a positive attitude, we allow ourselves to find the silver lining in even the most difficult situations ” (Wheeler Hall, 2005, p. 10).
The silver lining in exploring this cultural conditioning is that you regain the amazing capacity that is inherent in you, once you clear away the conditioning that is blocking your potential. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 22 of 356
CULTURAL CONDITIONING IS NOT PERSONAL FAILING
“The 2004 tsunami that killed over 280,000 people brought a flood of world concern.
Admirable as this outpouring of compassion was, a tsunami of indifference circles the globe each day.
Each WEEK 250,000, or more, children die of malnutrition. 25% of people in the world barely survive on $1 US per day 47% of people in the world struggle to live on $2 per day Nearly half of the 3.6 million people killed in war since 1990 were children. To date, 15 million children have been orphaned by AIDS.
UNICEF estimates that worldwide child hunger, preventable disease and illiteracy could be eliminated in a decade at the cost of $25 billion/year. To give you some perspective, Americans spend $31 billion per year on beer.”
Taylor, M. (2005). The Daily Tsunami of Indifference . Round River Currents, 5, p 4-5. www.round- river2000.com
Given our amazing capacity as human beings, why would we allow this and all of the other unimaginable things that happen every day to continue? Why wouldn’t we use every ounce of our capacity to end this insanity?
Thankfully, it is not so much individual personal failings as it is cultural conditioning that has you tolerating the intolerable. This cultural conditioning has you trapped in fear, worry, resignation, cynicism and hopelessness. It is NOT your fault that you were born into a world that conditions you to abandon your deepest sense of justice, compassion and hope.
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But it is your opportunity, once aware, to unlearn this conditioning so that you can reclaim your humanity and the power and joy that comes with it. In the process of examining ways in which you participate in cultural conditioning, resist the temptation to blame or shame yourself or others. As you and I heal from the reactions of guilt, broken heartedness and rage that can come when examining the troubles in the world, we develop the ability to take action from a place of hope, joy and power.
This section of Experiential Activities for a Better World shows you how to use simple experiential activities to explore some of the cultural conditioning that can interfere with your ability to approach life and respond to challenges from the very best of who we are. Try these activities out for yourself first and then use them with others. No really – don’t just read about them, do the activities so you can have the Aha’s for yourself and so you can know what others are likely to experience if you take them through the activities.
Why do I emphasize doing the activities? Quite simply because we learn best by doing. This is ancient knowledge. According to a Chinese Proverb “Tell me and I will forget. Show me and I may remember. Involve me and I will understand.” For more on learning by experience, go to The Association for Experiential Education, www.aee.org .
I encourage you to approach doing these activities with playfulness and wonder – like a five year old. Have fun and let yourself laugh and ponder as you uncover the insights that come up. These activities are specifically designed to create awareness that frees you up to feel good about who you are and get excited about taking action.
The areas of cultural conditioning we’ll cover include:
Scarcity - has you trapped in a sense of never having enough and never being enough and unable to appreciate the gifts and joys that are all around you.
Competition - has you trapped in ways of interaction that inhibit win-win scenarios where you get more of what you want.
Persecution - has you targeting yourself and others in ways that inhibit your success and safety. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 24 of 356
Polarization - has you believing and acting like others are the enemy and poisoning your life with judgment and retribution.
Distrust of Difference - has you reacting negatively to things that are unfamiliar before you get a chance to consider their value.
Rigid View of Reality - has you negating others’ perspectives in the false belief that you must surrender yours if you accept theirs.
You were born with tremendous power, zest, compassion, love and courage. These inherent human traits are consistently challenged by the cultural conditioning of living in an inequitable and unsustainable way of life. However, you have the power to unlearn this conditioning and reclaim your capacity to be extraordinary.
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THE CULTURAL CONDITIONING OF SCARCITY
THE FOCUS ACTIVITY
Curve both of your hands and put them together to create a scope and put it on one eye. Keep the eye with the scope on it open and close the eye without the scope. Now try to find various items in the room – find something in your environment that you like, find something in your environment that you don’t like, find something in your environment that is familiar to you and find something in your environment that is not familiar to you.
Now take the scope off of your eye and open both eyes. Try it again by finding a new thing in each category. Find something in your environment that you like, find something in your environment that you don’t like, find something in your environment that is familiar to you and find something in your environment that is not familiar to you (Adapted from Lynne Twist, personal communication, 2004).
What you notice in doing this is that when you narrow your focus, it actually makes it harder to find what you are seeking. This activity is a metaphor for how an extreme focus on materialism and extravagance limits your view of everything. It creates a context where your focus is so narrow that you have difficulty noticing much of what is available in your life that is truly meaningful to you.
Lynne Twist (2003) explains in her award-winning book, The Soul of Money , that this mindset of scarcity has trapped us in a system where no matter how excessively we accumulate, we never have a sense of enough. This goes beyond possessions to create a sense that we as individuals are not enough (good enough, attractive enough, successful enough, and so on). This mind-set of scarcity, where we ignore the truth that there is enough for everyone to thrive, leads us to abandon our humanity, surrender our power and relinquish our hope. It compels us to turn away from committing ourselves to create the world we know is possible in our souls. It leads us to value excess for ourselves and our loved ones more than we value other’s basic human needs for food, shelter, health and dignity. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 26 of 356
In The Soul of Money , Lynne uses a heartbreaking story about a cultural practice of female infanticide in the south part of India to illustrate how we can all be trapped in cultural conditioning that is deeply damaging. This practice of killing newborn females had developed because it was believed to be less cruel to kill the baby girl than to let her be born into a life where girls were so devalued that they would suffer significantly if they survived. However, once the veil of silence about this practice was broken and people began to speak of it, new possibilities were created. These Indian women decided that they would be the generation to end this terrible tradition of killing (Twist, 2003, p. 185-187).
This and other personal experiences inspired deep revelations within Lynne about her own culture, “I was confronted with the power of our own culture to blind us to the compromises of conscience that it demands. It’s easy to see the insanity of another culture objectively. It’s not so easy to see our own money culture and our money behavior so objectively. We are surrounded by it, trapped in it, just as the Indian women were in theirs. In their environment and context they weren’t considered insane to be killing their babies. They were being totally consistent with the cultural beliefs that encompassed them.” This inspired within Lynne an “awakened commitment to question the unquestioned assumptions and attitudes about money in our culture that can lead to actions that demean and devalue life.” (Twist, 2003, p. 189-190)
I was so inspired by the possibilities for the world if our personal and global context was transformed out of scarcity and into sufficiency that I founded The Global Sufficiency Network www.globalsufficiency.org in November of 2008. I knew that all of the issues I had worked for –social justice, economic equality, and environmental sustainability- could be addressed on this core fundamental level by transforming the context of lack and limitation (and resulting fear and greed) that feeds all of the crises we face as a human community.
It is ultimately empowering to examine the unquestioned answers in our culture and in your life so that you can break free of the ways of being that don’t serve you or society. As you free yourself from these ineffective ways of living you increase your power to create a life you love and the world you want.
To explore this further, do a Listening Pair (see activity write up). Speak to “What are the unquestioned assumptions that have us choosing our comforts over the basic needs of others.” www.MarilynLevin.com Page 27 of 356
Also see Focus activity write up for more on how to use this activity.
THE CULTURAL CONDITIONING OF COMPETITION
THE THUMB WRESTLING ACTIVITY
“Victory breeds hatred, for the losers suffer. But the wise live in happiness, disregarding both victory and defeat.”\ - The Buddha
“We are not battling others. We are battling the forces within us which defend our narrow self interests at the expense of considering the greater whole which ultimately benefits us all.” - Carol Hwoschinsky, Listening With the Heart (2002, p. 4)
Try this activity. Get a partner and get in the thumb wrestling position. You need to know two things to proceed. First - to score a point you gently pin the other person’s thumb down, and second – the object of the activity is for everyone to score as many points as possible. Play for two minutes and keep track of your individual points.
So how many points did you each score? What if I told you that it is easy for each of you to score over 100 points in two minutes? What happens for most people is that they succumb to the competitive conditioning that is so much a part of our culture and they ignore the cooperative goal of the activity.
The secret to the activity is to cooperate and let each other score points. This results in both parties getting significantly more points than if they competed against each other. Our extreme emphasis on competitiveness has you and me falling into the habit of competing even when we would get more of what we want by using a cooperative approach. With the insights from this activity, you can get in the habit of noticing how you get caught in a competitive approach to life. You can retrain yourself to seek out cooperative, win-win solutions to all kinds of life’s challenges.
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Another facet of the cultural conditioning of competition is that you and I misapply competition by using it in ways that are detrimental to our relationships and our lives – like becoming addicted to winning at all costs and by putting competition and winning above the wellbeing of our relationships.
What if you could transform the ways in which you fulfill your need to compete, to excel, to test your limits, to dig deep inside yourself and see what you are made of? What if you used your passion, drive and pursuit of excellence to create a peaceful and sustainable planet? What if you used your desire to overcome your fears and move beyond your current limitations to take on the causes that inspire you? What if you redirected your bountiful resources of time, energy, passion and finances away from individual challenges that only benefit you and put them towards challenges that benefit the world and inspire possibility and hope in others? What might your experience of life be if you lived like this?
As you release the need to react in competitive ways, you engage more fully in creating win-win situations for yourself and the world.
For more on this topic see What if Handout. See Thumb Wrestling Activity write up for more on how to use this activity.
THE CULTURAL CONDITIONING OF PERSECUTION
THE HAND SLAP ACTIVITY
“One cannot deny the humanity of another without diminishing one’s own.” - James Baldwin
For the next activity (Adapted from Hollander, personal communication, 2002) you need a partner. Get into position for playing the painful hand slapping game many of us played in grade school. For those of you who were spared this game, one person has their hands out in front of them with their palms facing down and positioned directly over the other person’s palms, which are facing up. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 29 of 356
The person in the palms up position tries to bring their hands around and slap the hands of the other person before they pull their hands away. If you are the palms up person in this version of the game you also give the palms down person 4 or 5 simple addition and subtraction questions while trying to slap their hands before they pull away (i.e. 4+5, 10-3, 7+4, 6-7). Let them try to answer after each math equation but keep slapping. Then trade roles so that each person gets a chance to experience both parts of the activity.
So how well were you able to do math while under attack? Not so well if you are like most people. This activity is a powerful reminder that you will never do your best work while under attack. And you never even have to slap your partner for them to know that you are a threat. The game is the set-up. This is another piece of our cultural conditioning that interferes with our magnificence, persecution of others and ourselves. In a world that emphasizes competition, judgment, criticism and fear of difference, we have created an environment that is not conducive to the best work of anyone involved.
Ending the practice of persecuting ourselves and others turns wasted energy into a powerful force for change. You can teach yourself and others to practice feeling good about who you are. When you come from a place that is deeply confident about your goodness as a human being, you have the strength to face up to the ways you are not your best without self persecution or defensiveness. When you feel truly good about who you are, you reduce your participation in self-pity parties, efforts to prove how good you are and obsessions about what others think of you. When you are at peace with yourself, you have no need to judge, criticize or demean others. This saves an amazing amount of time and energy that you can direct toward making a difference in the world!
Our culture of persecution also contributes to our focus on ineffective ways of dealing with the problems and issues we face together. Rather than using an eye for an eye approach, it is an act of humanity and integrity to treat others with dignity, even when they choose not to treat you that way. We confuse this with being a doormat or a victim, but in fact, it is the opposite. You are demonstrating that you have compassion and courage to do nothing in perpetuating injustice and persecution.
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ENDING THE VICTIM /V ILLAIN DICHOTOMY
“Instead of being caught in a vicious circle, we can start a virtuous circle – not by closing our eyes to hostility or capitulating to it, but by remaining secure even under attack, and by recognizing that the real opponent is not the other person or the other nation, but the conditioning that has convinced us we are enemies.” - Eknath Easwaran
Another facet of the cultural conditioning of persecution is our tendency to view everyone as either a victim or a villain. Most of us are caught up in this dichotomy more than we realize. We see ourselves, and people like us, as victims and others who are not like us, or disagree with us, as villains. This form of polarization cuts you off from understanding the complexities of the mutual problem we face as a human community and pits you against others, rather than encouraging you to work with others.
It has you believing the myth that your adversaries are biased and misinformed and the myth that you are free of bias and misinformation. You, and others who see things differently than you, each have limitations to your view. When you grasp this, you gain a fuller view of reality and give up the need to see those who disagree with you as the enemy.
The victim/villain mindset can also have us feeling traumatized and victimized by daily life challenges rather than experiencing them as opportunities to demonstrate our capacity, ability and resilience. Once you experience a computer meltdown or a car breakdown as a chance to test your resilience with enthusiasm, like you would by competing in a triathlon, you reclaim your power. Once you experience others insensitivity and callousness as an opportunity to reclaim your compassion and to assist them in reconnecting their humanity, you reclaim your sense of peace.
As you retrain yourself out of the habit of persecution, you open up a new world of safety where we are all called to do our best work. This increases your impact in creating a world that works for everyone.
To explore this topic more see the Healing Our Need for Trauma Drama Handout. And, see Perspective Activity write up for more on how to use this activity.
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THE CULTURAL CONDITIONING OF POLARIZATION
THE POLARIZATION ACTIVITY
“If we do not have peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” - Mother Teresa
“Hatred is never ended by hatred; hatred is ended only by non-hatred. This is the law, ancient and inexhaustible.” - The Buddha
Another piece of cultural conditioning that interferes with our ability to be our most amazing as a human community is polarization. Try this visualization activity. Think of someone you really love, someone who is a joy to be around, someone who illicits wonderful feelings in you, someone who lights up your life. Think of a time when you were together that was memorable. Take a minute or two to get fully present to what this is like for you emotionally and physically. Take time to really notice what feelings and body sensations are present.
Now think of someone you dislike or even hate, someone who triggers angry feelings in you, someone whose values and behavior are ones you disagree with, someone who causes an intense negative reaction when you are around them. Take a minute or two to get fully present to what this is like for you emotionally and physically. Take time to really notice what feelings and body sensations are present.
The point of this exercise is to remind you that your judgment and hatred of others is damaging to YOU, not those who are the objects of your displeasure. It is like swallowing poison and expecting it to hurt your enemies. It also reminds you that the love you feel for others can be a great healing force in your life. If you can rethink and reframe your relationship to your adversaries and enemies, you see that your participation in fueling judgment and hatred is damaging to you. In contrast, your efforts to find forgiveness and even love for your enemies can be healing to you. To explore this further, see Rafael Cushnir’s (2005) Article Us vs. Them , found in Spirituality & Health Magazine, 8(3). www.MarilynLevin.com Page 32 of 356
Each time you tear down those who do not share your point of view, you actually increase their power and expand the divide between you and them. And, each time you build up those who disagree with you, you create new possibilities that didn’t exist before.
Ask yourself:
Am I fueling the polarization between red and blue states, between conservatives and liberals, between different generations?
Am I making those who disagree with me wrong and evil for their beliefs?
Am I contributing to the battle of the sexes, religious intolerance, or other societal battles that keep people apart?
OR
Am I building bridges of understanding between people who would consider me an adversary or who I would consider an enemy?
Am I reaching out across any and all divides in my life to reclaim the bond that all human beings share?
Am I striving to communicate and behave in ways that help everyone on the planet access their shared humanity?
Taking action here will inspire transformative shifts in the ways you relate to others and the ways they relate to yourself. One powerful personal experience with this happened when I went to Waveland, Mississippi, eight days after Hurricane Katrina to help in a relief effort, organized by an ecumenical service group. It was such a blessing to work side by side with these amazing volunteers as we searched the devastation to find people in need of food, water and supplies. Not surprisingly, we engaged in many deep conversations about life as we drove through the wreckage and provided relief to courageous, grateful survivors. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 33 of 356
Two days into the effort, several others in my team began to make disparaging remarks towards gay people. Having worked with gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people for years and identifying that way myself, I saw this as an opportunity to have a respectful dialogue about the topic. We discussed the difference between their conservative Christian perspective and my integrative spirituality perspective in a way that respected each other’s dignity and convictions. We demonstrated love for each other, appreciation for our shared commitment to helping in the world and acceptance for the other’s opinions.
What if you brought this approach to your discussions with others who disagree with you? What new possibilities might exist, for you and for the world?
* For more on this topic see Rethinking Our Enemies Activity
* For more on how to use this activity see Polarization Activity
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THE SIZZLE OF SENSATIONALIZATION
“Find the positive. Become a seeker of good news, the real life activities of caring and loving human beings in action. Upload it into the brilliance of your mind. Set a goal to ingest the good that is happening and share it with everyone. Let go of being welded to the sensationalistic spinarama of mainstream media. Create your own good news folder of your local events, happenings and acts of kindness. Look to the world for the love that is ever present.” - Lea Arellano, Human Solutions Consulting, Coaching and Training www.human-solutions.us
Another piece of the cultural conditioning of polarization is your tendency to sensationalize the struggles instead of focusing your energies on possible solutions. This can feed your sense of resignation and hopelessness. It can also keep you from fully noticing the amazingly powerful and positive things that are already happening all around you. If you can redirect your attention to what is empowering to you, you notice and build upon the solutions that are already in action, moving the world and humanity forward. If you do not, you miss out on the wondrous parade of bravery, courage and passion that ignites your hope and commitment.
A paragraph from The Soul of Money (Twist, 2003, p. 249-252) provides food for hope. It comes from the 2001 Synthesis Dialogues (a gathering of 30 world leaders and His Holiness The Dalai Lama about the state of the world),
“Hundreds of millions of people are at work, awake to the challenges and tackling them at every level. Countless organizations and initiatives have sprung up throughout the world, addressing the basic needs of all humanity and all life. Civil society and citizen actions in every country on earth are more vibrant, emergent and active than ever before in history. The Internet connects billions of us instantly, and we are experiencing our interconnectedness in potent and practical ways that make possible unprecedented cooperation and collaboration.” www.MarilynLevin.com Page 35 of 356
Expose yourself to the wealth of amazing initiatives, extraordinary leaders, courageous acts, kind gestures, creative solutions and acts of love that are happening all the time all around us. Seek these out so that you can nurture hope and passion in yourself and others.
THE CULTURAL CONDITIONING OF DISTRUST OF DIFFERENCE
THE HAND FOLD ACTIVITY
Clasp your hands together in front of you with interwoven fingers like you are preparing for prayer. How does this feel for you? Common responses to this question include relaxed, comfortable and fine. Now switch thumbs so that the thumb that was in the bottom position is now on top and re-lace your fingers to match. How does this feel, especially in comparison to the first one? Common responses to this question include weird, awkward and uncomfortable.
You know the first hand position isn’t evil and the second hand position isn’t good. One is just what you are used to and the other is what you’re not used to. It is a reminder that you are conditioned to have a negative emotional reaction to things that are unfamiliar to you. You don’t need to feel guilty or see a therapist about this, but it is very useful to be aware of this tendency. This awareness can teach you to expect initial negative reactions to the unfamiliar. You can then consciously choose to delay judgment based on your initial reaction and take time to evaluate things for their true value.
Once aware of this dynamic you have the power to transform the distrust of difference into openness and acceptance of the diverse and vast ways of being all around you, letting this smorgasbord of expression enrich your life. This gives you access to a variety of powerful tools for transformation in your life and in the world.
See Hand Fold Activity write up for more on how to use this activity. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 36 of 356
THE CULTURAL CONDITIONING OF A RIGID VIEW OF REALITY
THE PERSPECTIVE ACTIVITY
“Our perceptions of any given (spiritual) reality are also conceptions that are at least partially constructed and created by us… as we evolve, those perceptions will evolve too.” - Integrative Spirituality, www.integrativespirituality.org
Hold your hand as high in the air as you can with your index finger pointed at the ceiling and draw a clockwise circle with your finger in the air. Now continue drawing this clockwise circle in the air with your finger pointed up toward the ceiling and slowly bring your hand down to the point where you are circling at the level of your stomach (note that your finger is still pointing towards the ceiling). Look down and notice that the circle that started out going clockwise is now going counter clockwise.
So what happened? It appears that the circle’s direction reversed itself but this is not the case. The only thing that altered was that your perspective on your finger shifted. You began by looking up your finger and you ended by looking down at your finger. This activity demonstrates the power of perspective and points to the fact that there is not ONE reality – only perspectives on reality.
In a 2005 article, Flaws of Perception , Deepak Chopra explains that there is no such thing as reality that is independent of who perceives the reality. Take a flower for instance. Human beings (who have sight) visually perceive the color and texture of the flower. A bee, however, will not “see” the flower in the same way humans do. It will experience the flower as ultraviolet wavelengths of light. A bat will have yet another perception of the reality of a flower – as the echo of ultrasound. So which reality is accurate? Well, all of these realities (and many more) are equally accurate.
In a rigid view of reality, you constrain yourself by deciding that your perspectives are the only valid ones. Failing to embrace multiple ways of knowing and being limits your access to a broad range of wisdom. This inhibits you from using the wisdom of all cultures as tools to address the challenges of our www.MarilynLevin.com Page 37 of 356 time. When you learn to embrace what can seem to be mutually exclusive beliefs and practices, you gain insights that help you see the deeper levels of congruence that exists between different ways of being. You grasp that being open to other’s perspectives does not require you to give up your perspective. It shifts you from experiencing life as an either/or dilemma and opens you up to embracing a both/and, or all of the above, existence.
One way to recognize how we limit ourselves with a rigid view of reality is by considering a historical view. Think back, say 150 years ago, to some beliefs and practices that, at the time, were considered commonly accepted truths and are now considered ludicrous or inhumane. One hundred and fifty years ago, slavery was still in place and bloodletting (draining blood from people’s bodies) was a common medical practice.
Now, pretend that it is 150 years in the future and look back on the current beliefs and practices of the current year. Parts of what we now believe to be indisputable truths will turn out to be incomplete, inaccurate or just plain wrong. And there is no way to tell which of our currently cherished views and wisdom will stand the test of time. So it can be useful to loosen your grip on what you KNOW to be true and embrace uncertainty in a way that fuels your openness to other ways of knowing.
See the One Hundred Year Activity write up to explore this further.
CHERISHED DISTORTIONS
Most of us function without an awareness of our perceptions and paradigms and are baffled by the impact these have in our lives. Once you are able to clarify how you view things and how you try to make sense of things, you have the ability to make adjustments to create the life you want instead of settling for the life you get out of being unaware.
“We create thoughts, feelings and ideas that construct our view of the world and our experience of reality. We become aware of the stories we are living. When these are visible to us we can choose whether or not they serve us, whether or not we are creating the world we truly want. We open ourselves to not only what mind is creating – often a frenetic monkey chase of judgments, guilts and circular thoughts – but to what mind can create – beauty, wisdom and meaning” Pat Allen (INS & CL, 2006, p. 43). www.MarilynLevin.com Page 38 of 356
When you become aware of the paradigms you live by you have the power to alter or give up the paradigms that don’t serve you well. “A paradigm is a conceptual framework, belief system and overall perspective through which we see and interpret the world. They determine what we are able to see, how we think and what we do. We do not question their accuracy because we’re usually unaware of their existence. We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are. Our paradigms are usually all we know and only become perceptible to us when we encounter ones that are different from our own” (INS & CL, 2006, p. 10).
This is true on a global scale, but also true on a personal level. In the book, “Passionate Marriage”, by David Scnarch (1997, p. 42), he examines how our cherished distortions fuel the continuation of the chronic struggles we face in long term committed relationships. “In the midst of marital discord few of us have the courage to consider that the beliefs and practices we share with many couples are the source of our misery…If you’re well-adjusted to ill-fitting beliefs that permeate society, you’re going to have trouble*”.
This applies not just to marriage but also to life. You can decide instead to unravel your cherished distortions that come from “normal” yet ill-fitting beliefs and practices. You can then be inspired to surrender your distortions and embrace beliefs and practices that contribute to the life you want to have and the world you want to live in.
To explore this further use the Listening Pair Activity write up. Speak to “Some ill fitting beliefs or practices I would like to unlearn are…”
OUR INTERPRETATIONS
“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” - Marcel Proust
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Another ill fitting belief is thinking that your interpretations of your experiences (or the meaning you attach to your experiences) are the truth rather than one possible interpretation. The problem occurs when you decide the meaning you assign to your experience is THE accurate interpretation from among infinite possible interpretations. When you react to others’ words or behaviors, ask yourself - “What did I make that mean*?” This is a powerful question that helps you examine the interpretation you create out of your experience. Very often you attach a different meaning than is intended. You generally assign a meaning based in your past experiences rather than being capable of speculating on a variety of possible meanings or deciding to choose the meaning that is most helpful or empowering.
To explore this further, think back to a time when you reacted negatively to something that was said to you. Write down exactly what was said. Then write down what you made it mean. Then write down other possible meanings for what was said. Create a habit of exploring what you make things mean – you will be amazed at the insights you can have.
See Perspective Activity write up for more on how to use this activity.
CULTURAL CONDITIONING RECAP
Luckily the culturally conditioned ways of being we’ve explored thus far are not inherent to who we are as human beings. You can transform this conditioning by practicing other ways of being in each moment of each day until you recondition yourself into the cultural practices that create the world you want to live in.
As you transform these pieces of cultural conditioning in your life, you recover your humanity. You connect to divine inspiration and access the best of who you can be. Removing these barriers in your life, gives you powerful access to your deepest core values and the courage to act that comes from them.
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SUMMARY
It is cultural conditioning not personal failing that has us falling short of our amazing capacity as human beings.
As we examine this conditioning in our lives, we need to set aside self judgment and have compassion for the ways we are not our best.
Through the process of unlearning this conditioning you:
o Transform the Cultural Conditioning of Scarcity into sufficiency so that you can experience gratitude and joy o Transform the Cultural Conditioning of Competition into win-win ways of being so you and others both get more of what you want o Transform the Cultural Conditioning of Persecution into compassion for yourself and others o Transform the Cultural Conditioning of Polarization into deep connection, recognizing that you are a part of the human family o Transform the Cultural Conditioning of Distrust of Difference into appreciation of diversity o Transform the Cultural Conditioning of a Rigid View of Reality into an open mind and heart that embraces the ambiguity and complexities of life
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RECLAIMING YOUR HUMANITY
“We have a natural inclination to serve the needs of the world in effective, life-affirming and balanced ways…leading to greater personal wholeness…where life becomes more congruent and less fragmented…and where we actively co-create a just, sustainable and equitable world for all.” - Integrative Spirituality, www.integrativespirituality.org
I invite you to give up resistance to being your most amazing. Embrace your humanity – let it flourish; let it nourish you and all those around you. Let your innate sense of purpose blossom and reach for the life of meaning that you long for. Of course, in doing so you will come face to face with the depths of your sense of hopelessness, powerlessness and entitlement. But facing these with an open heart is your access point to more authentic hope, power and fulfillment that you’ve ever known.
When you are in touch with your humanity, you act with compassion and power. You want things from a deeper level. You have confidence in your ability to make things happen. You have courage to dream big and take decisive action. You go after what you want for yourself and what you want for the world.
If you are like most people, you only have a glimpse of how passionate and powerful you can be once you allow your greatness to blossom and your deepest commitments for humanity to drive your life. When you look at young children who get the physical and emotional nourishment they need, you see the passion, enthusiasm, joy and hope can be present for you as a human being.
This is what it looks like when your humanity is thriving. As a child, you would loudly object when things were not fair, you would question things that didn’t seem right, you would find joy in simple pleasures and delight in deep connections with others.
Sadly, life conditions you to give up, to behave, to calm down, to sit still, to tolerate injustice and accept life as it is set up. None of us was able to fully escape this conditioning that disconnects us from our humanity.
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BUT, the great news is that your humanity NEVER left. It’s still completely intact. You just have to clear away the cultural conditioning that has you disconnected from it. You can do this most effectively with a large portion of self-love – accepting yourself fully for all you are and all you’re not.
Through the process of embracing your humanity, you nurture the very best of who you are into full expression.
You nurture the part of you that can take valuable risks and make worthwhile mistakes because you are reaching for the possibilities instead of being trapped by focusing on the problems.
You nurture the part of you that can face unimaginable challenges with courage and grace because you are in touch with your drive to make a difference.
You nurture the part of you that can experience joy and passion because you have broken free of denial or hopelessness.
When you are in touch with how amazing you are, you access your fullest capacity to create a life you love and a world that works for everyone.
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THE REWARDS OF EMBRACING OUR BEST SELVES
“Si Se Puede. (Yes, we can)” - Cesar Chavez
“The highest happiness results from virtuous action that utilizes one’s own unique strengths or natural gifts, especially when these are applied to causes greater than oneself.” - 2007 Shift Report , Institute of Noetic Sciences (p. 45)
You will not live long enough to know the full impact of your efforts on the future of humanity. You will not be able to know the influence your courage, compassion and perseverance has on future generations. Yet, you don’t need to know the future to remain motivated to take action today and tomorrow.
As you embrace your humanity you get to live with the awareness that your life has purpose and meaning. You get to experience that your caring, hope and passion do, in fact, transform the world you live in.
You don’t need to be infallible, you don’t need to disavow all comforts and you don’t need super powers. You simply need to embrace the best of who you are over and over and over again, in each moment that you are able to, and have deep compassion for yourself when you fall short.
As you embrace your humanity, you can work through the differences you have with others without getting tripped up by defensiveness, guilt, blame, resistance or denial. This empowers you to take on solving the complex challenges of our times with creativity, confidence and momentum.
The reward in embracing the best in you is that you inspire the best in others. You become powerfully able to facilitate understanding amongst people who have a wide variety of beliefs, perspectives, traditions and ways of being..
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THE JOY OF COMMITMENT
“If we meet the world with eyes that do not flinch and hearts that are open, we will find ourselves capable of what is asked of us.” - John Robbins
Embracing your humanity and helping others embrace theirs is ultimately about a commitment to yourself - not an obligation to others. It’s not about doing the right thing or about being good enough. It’s about honoring what you really want most out of life, which is to grow into the extraordinary, although imperfect, human being that you are capable of becoming.
As a human community we get to have compassion for each other over the ways in which we have been conditioned to abandon our humanity. And, as human beings who share one planet, we get to lovingly insist that we rise to our greatness and transcend this conditioning so that we can live lives of dignity, freedom and purpose.
CONNECTED TO YOUR HUMANITY
“We have never been separated from our humanity. It is at the core of our being. It is our compassion, love, brilliance, possibility and the truth that we are completely connected to each other as human beings.” - Lea Arellano
There are ample benefits to the pursuit of reconnecting to your humanity. A few of them are:
As you reconnect to your humanity, you embrace all emotions and value what they have to teach you. You give up the need to feel bad about any of your feelings.
As you reconnect to your humanity, you see challenges as growth opportunities to be your best self and create an environment where others are called to their greatness. You give up the habit of seeing yourself as a victim in life. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 45 of 356
As you reconnect to your humanity, you develop open minded and deeply compassionate ways to evaluate and consider yourself and others. You give up the need for harsh judgments and criticisms.
As you reconnect to your humanity, you focus on taking personal responsibility and on creating new possibilities. You give up the focus on blame, shame and guilt.
As you reconnect to your humanity, you remain open to realities that don’t fit your current belief systems as contributions towards your evolving understanding of the world. You give up the need to cling to a limited worldview.
As you reconnect to your humanity, you act in courageous, yet compassionate, ways to ensure fairness and justice for all. You give up your habit of staying quiet and small in the face of injustice and take powerful actions to create the world you know is possible. Kim Hammer, www.facebook.com/SUTRAglobalbydesign , puts it beautifully:
“I am connected to the devotion of my humanity, to my own positive love-filled attitude and to my sweet longing for more love; to speaking my strength without apology, without hesitation, to laughing with abandon and other forms of gaiety, to radical releasing of all unworkable ideas, attitudes and mores; to persistent and resilient transformations, to the embracing of a wholly/holy love space and most of all, to living this one exquisitely precious life.”
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SUMMARY
Embrace your humanity – let it flourish, nourishing you and all those around you.
Live in the awareness that your life has purpose and meaning. Recognize that your caring, hope and courage do, in fact, transform the world.
As you reconnect to your humanity: You embrace all emotions You appreciate challenges You are open minded and compassionate You focus on possibilities You act with courage
When in touch with your humanity, you have access to your full capacity. You dream big and take decisive action to go after what you want for yourself and for the world.
TOOLS & ACTIVITIES TO EXPLORE THIS TOPIC FURTHER :
Activities for Everyone: Find Your Soul Activity Listening Pairs Activity My One Wild Precious Life Activity Appreciation Activities Touch Someone Activity
Handouts for People with Experience: Amazing Allies Handout Reclaiming Our Humanity Handout www.MarilynLevin.com Page 47 of 356
TOOLS TO TRANSFORM EMOTIONAL CONTROL INTO FLOW
”Healing your own heart is the single most powerful thing you can do to change the world. Your own transformation will enable you to withdraw so completely from evil that you contribute to it by not one word, one thought, or one breath. This healing process is like recovering your soul” (Chopra, 2005, p. 16).
When our hearts have yet to heal we tend to react to the troubles in the world with numbness, fear, denial and defensiveness. These responses to the troubles in the world tend to fuel ways of life that inhibit our individual and collective well being. Examples include our behavior of excess, the frenetic pace of our lives, our addictions, our search for meaning in the superficial and our choice to tolerate the gross inequities in the world when we possess the means and ability to address them.
A Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt about the tragedy on September 11 th . He said, “I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one.” The grandson asked him, “Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?” The grandfather answered, “The one I feed.”
Another key to manifesting things in your life, including what you want for the world, is to embrace all of your thoughts and feelings. Let every one of your thoughts and emotions be okay. Even the ones you don’t like. Don’t resist them. They are part of what it is to be human. Let the emotions you want less of in your life flow through you with love and acceptance for what they have to teach you. And for the emotions you want more of in your life - feed them! Nurture them, love them, build them, practice them, live into them and watch them blossom into fullness.
What if, as a global community, we stopped feeding fear, worry, struggle, hopelessness, resignation, and cynicism? What if instead, as one big family who shares the same home, we started feeding love, acceptance, compassion, open mindedness, gratitude, hope, courage, fulfillment and possibility?
What might be possible? – I say ANYTHING!
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TOOLS TO TRANSFORM EMOTIONAL CONTROL INTO FLOW
Many of us, in spite of our best intentions, tend to react to the troubles in the world with numbness, fear, denial, rage and hopelessness. These responses tend to fuel ways of living that inhibit our individual and collective well-being.
In his book Peace is the Way , Deepak Chopra expresses deep empathy and rationale for why we might succumb to numbness, fear and denial to cope. “The potential for suffering that frightened people in the past has been amplified a thousand fold. Knowing that you might die by leaping from a sky scraper to escape burning jet fuel is such a terrifying prospect that it is hard to conceive of anyone who wouldn’t react with numbness, or with the desire to find a distraction, or with fits of outrage that peter out into passive acceptance” (Chopra, 2005, p. 93).
He explains that we have all experienced a systematic and insidious dehumanization and that it is no surprise that we are drowning in excess superficiality – desperately clinging to false comforts. When you are disconnected from what can truly bring you joy and a sense of purpose, ALL you have is your comforts and luxuries. It is no wonder that we are so attached to them in these times.
But what we crave most as human beings is a deep sense of connection to our best selves and to other human beings. You actually have access to these connections ANY time you choose to open up to them – because they are always present!
Learning the tool of emotional flow enables you to open more freely and fully to this deep connection. Emotional flow allows you to clear out feelings that interfere with being present to the precious gifts that come into your life when your heart and mind are open.
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HEALING POWER OF EMOTIONS
“The full expression of a feeling is its funeral pyre.” - Stanislav Grof
At first glance, emotional repression looks attractive and seems to make sense, but it only serves to alienate you from yourself and others. The greatest cost of emotional repression is that when you shut down to keep the suffering in the world at bay, you also shut down to the joy, love and connection that are present all around you. In The Wisdom of Dark Emotions , Miriam Greenspan expands upon this.
“Grief, fear and despair are the emotions we humans find most disturbing and they are the most likely to get us in trouble when we ignore them. Our culture teaches us to get past, get over, control, manage and medicate these unruly, destructive forces. Our dualistic, control-oriented way of understanding human emotion reflects a profound cultural bias…that leads us to overvalue emotional control and devalue emotional flow. It keeps us from learning that painful emotions can be sources of vitality, understanding, and transformation not when we control them but when we are receptive to them. Grief teaches us compassion and reminds us to live fully; fear teaches us humility and to accept vulnerability; and despair teaches us to seek meaning and connects us to our souls.
The difference between being overwhelmed by dark emotions and being enlightened by them hinges on being able to say yes instead of no to our pain - thereby learning skills; attending, befriending, and surrendering to emotional flow in the body. Attending is the ability to register our body’s emotional language without judgment or suppression. Befriending is breathing through painful or challenging emotions without trying to analyze, change or end them. Surrendering is the last thing we want to do but is the most rewarding. Unimpeded and mindfully experienced, the energy of dark emotions flows toward healing and harmony. We find that painful emotions need not constrict, isolate or devastate us; they can open and expand us, and strengthen our empathetic connection to others and to the world” (Greenspan, 2004, p. 36-40).
Allowing for, and being present to, your pain can create healing that isn’t possible by denying or suppressing this pain. When you choose to surrender to the pain you fear most, it frees you up to move
www.MarilynLevin.com Page 50 of 356 past it rather than being held hostage by it. This enables you to powerfully release these emotions so you can put your attention on creating more of the feelings you want in your life and for the world.
DEVELOP DEEP LISTENING
When you are flooded with emotions, it clouds your thinking. This is true of immediate crises and the accumulation of past hurts and feelings. Since you live in a culture that values emotional control over emotional flow, you may be limited in your ability to offload old emotional baggage - even when it continues to interfere with your life in significant ways.
There are many way of creating a support structure in your life for offloading emotional baggage. Examples include therapy, personal growth or human development classes and workshops, support groups or spiritual communities. One tool that has proven useful for me, called listening pairs, comes from the practice of Re-Evaluation Counseling, www.rc.org .
The purpose of these listening relationships is to offload frustrations and feelings and concerns that inhibit us from effectively handling things in our lives that are upsetting or confusing or challenging. Offloading emotions can assist you in regaining your clear thinking and freeing yourself from past emotional baggage. This may appear to be counter to the cultivation of the feelings you want more of in your life. It is not. This is a clearing tool so you can release the feelings you want to diminish and then spend the rest of your time basking in the feelings you want more of in your life.
Listening Pairs work when two people agree to listen to each other with full attention for an agreed amount of time. Each person gets an equal amount of time. Use a timer so you are not distracted by watching the time. The listener does not talk, ask questions or offer feedback or advice – they ONLY listen. The listener remains relaxed and projects a sense of confidence in the talker. The listener remembers that the talker just needs to offload the feelings that are interfering with their best thinking and is capable of figuring out anything they need to figure out. Then they switch roles - the listener is the talker and the talker is the listener.
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These peer listening relationships can be developed and nurtured, allowing for pre-arranged weekly listening times and last minute listening as needed. How will you know it is working? Over time you will notice that you are more and more in touch with your goodness, your power, your contentment and your possibilities and less and less in the space of criticism, complaint, judgment and worry.
For more on Listening Pairs, see activity write up
EMOTIONAL FITNESS
Here’s another way to look at it. Think of handling your emotions like working out with weights. When you go to the gym a few times a week and lift weights properly, it makes you stronger and healthier. But if you strapped these weights on your back instead and carried them around all of the time – it would wear you down and damage your emotional and physical health. The same is true for emotional baggage. When you create supportive environments where you can regularly offload emotional baggage it frees you up from emotional overload. It creates safety and healing where you are left feeling energized and in touch with your best thinking and problem solving ability.
THE EMOTIONAL BRUISE ACTIVITY
Try this activity. Get someone to poke you (or poke yourself) in a muscle that doesn’t have a bruise – doesn’t hurt much does it? In fact it might even feel good, like a mini massage. Now, if you have a bruise have someone poke you there (or if you don’t, use your imagination). It is easy to be hurt when we are poked where we have a bruise. The bigger and deeper the bruise the more it can hurt and the lighter the touch it takes to cause pain.
What you can gain from this is that you work in a similar way emotionally. You are walking around with hidden emotional bruises that get triggered by what others say and do. When your emotional wounds get triggered, the amount of pain you experience has much more to do with your bruises than other’s words and actions. When you heal past wounds, you metaphorically heal the bruises that can be www.MarilynLevin.com Page 52 of 356 triggered by emotional poking or prodding from others. Finding and healing your emotional bruises and helping others to do so can have a transformative effect on your life and our world. This is some of the most important work you can do to heal injustice.
Another useful tool for dealing with emotions is meditation. In our ultra fast paced culture that is fixated on doing, we have lost the art of simply being. This disconnection from our inner lives blocks internal guidance that is profoundly useful. You can benefit from creating practices that reconnect you to your deep inner wisdom.
There are many different ways to practice meditation. There are moving forms of meditation such as mindful walking, qi gong, hatha yoga or stretching exercises. There are the sitting exercises such as concentration, mindfulness meditation, centering prayer or other forms of imaginal centering. The focus here is to become an aware observer of all feelings and thoughts as they pass through your mind. With compassion, you surrender resistance and accept all thoughts and feelings without judgment – acknowledging them without dwelling in them, letting them flow into and out of your conscious mind.
For more on Meditation Techniques see activity write up and read Meditation for Wimps by Miriam Austin.
When you are present to your thoughts and feelings, instead of suppressing and controlling them, you are free to choose the ones you want to cultivate and the ones you want to release. As you cultivate the thoughts and feelings you do want, you create new possibilities and bring them to existence.
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SUMMARY
Let the emotions you want less of in your life flow through you with love and acceptance for what they have to teach you.
Nurture, love, build, practice, and live into the emotions you want more of in your life and watch them blossom into fullness.
Use attending, befriending and surrendering to transform emotional control into flow.
Use listening pairs, meditation, and other forms of clearing to offload emotional baggage and reconnect to your best thinking.
TOOLS & ACTIVITIES TO EXPLORE THIS TOPIC FURTHER :
Activities for Everyone: Emotional Bruise Activity Emotional Baggage Art Activity Meditation Activity Listening Pairs
Handouts for Everyone: Self Care for Super Heroes and Sheroes Handout
Handouts for People with Experience: Finding Our Way Through the Systems of Oppression Handout Healing Our Need for Trauma Drama Handout
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TOOLS FOR TRANSFORMING SCARCITY INTO SUFFICIENCY
“Every moment of every day there are chances to participate in expressing our individuality and creativity, in contributing to our vision for ourselves, our family, our community, city or world. When we bring this consciousness to our choices about money and use our resources – money, time or talents – to take a stand for what we believe in, we come alive. .” - Lynne Twist, The Soul of Money, (2003, p. 203-4)
Lynne Twist, Global Activist and author of The Soul of Money , gained this profound perspective on money and life through decades of devotion to global initiatives that serve the best instincts in all of us. Her work as a fundraiser to end world hunger inspired this awakening and fueled her passion to transform our cultural relationship with money. Her exposure to the most extreme situations of poverty and wealth, taught her that starvation and fulfillment come in many forms – both physical and spiritual. Lynne’s answer to freeing ourselves from the trap of scarcity is to embrace sufficiency.
I was as moved to discover this ever present gift of sufficiency when I heard it from Lynne as she was when she heard it from Buckminster Fuller in the early 70’s. Now an exponentially growing number of people across the globe are realizing that sufficiency – the exquisite power of enough – is an idea whose time has come. It is my privilege as Founder and Executive Director of Global Sufficiency Network to serve as a connecting point for the emerging sufficiency movement. Individuals, organizations, companies, institutions, groups and governments are speaking, writing, blogging, tweeting, facebooking and talking about the unworkability of a bigger, better, faster, more approach to life and creating new ways of thinking, behaving and organizing from a sense of enough.
THE TOXIC LIE OF SCARCITY
This mindset of scarcity, explained in The Soul of Money , has us trapped in a system where no matter how excessively we accumulate, we never have a sense of enough. This goes beyond possessions to create a sense that we, as individuals, are not enough (good enough, attractive enough, successful enough, etc.). It becomes the context in which we live where we experience ourselves, our life and our world as inadequate. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 55 of 356
The three parts to this LIE of Scarcity are: • There is Not Enough to Go Around • More is Better • That’s Just the Way It Is
These toxic lies, or limiting beliefs, confuse us. They push us to settle for the pursuit of excess and disregard our deepest dreams for humanity. They pit us against each other in a false sense of competition. They drive us in the useless pursuit of “bigger, better, faster, more.” They keep us on the treadmill of senseless acquisition that unconsciously runs our lives.
THE RADICAL TRUTH OF SUFFICIENCY
The good news is that we can consciously shift our experience of life away from scarcity towards sufficiency. Sufficiency is about being grounded in enough. Just as in a garden, in our lives, we flourish when there is just the right amount of what we need – not too little or way too much of what we need. Sufficiency is about thriving, not just getting by. It is about remembering to focus on all we have and all we are - instead of focusing on what we lack. It is about nurturing a deep seated sense of gratitude and generosity to replace the cultural conditioning of entitlement and greed.
THE PROMISE OF SUFFICIENCY
“When we live in the context of sufficiency, we find a natural freedom and integrity. We engage in life from a sense of our own wholeness rather than a desperate longing to be complete. We feel naturally called to share the resources that flow through our lives to serve our highest commitments.” - Lynne Twist, The Soul of Money (2003, p. 75)
Imagine what life will be like as you become fully grounded in sufficiency. You will notice that you have enough time in each day. You will experience a sense that you have more than enough possessions and www.MarilynLevin.com Page 56 of 356 begin, or expand, the joyous process of giving to others who are in need. You will start, or expand upon donating to causes that inspire the people you love rather than giving them gifts they don’t need. You will remember to cherish the beauty all around you instead of rushing through your day. You will remember to acknowledge and appreciate the people you love and even the people you meet each day. You will realize more frequently than not, that you yourself are enough to handle whatever life throws at you.
Imagine what our world will look like as you, and more and more people like you, approach life this way. Aggression, competitiveness, superficiality, polarization and more will fade away as you grasp how sufficient you are to create the life you really want. You will take powerful action to use your precious and adequate resources of time, money and talent to transform your communities and the world. You will end each day with a sense of satisfaction, knowing you received enough, you did enough and most importantly you were enough.
You begin to realize that what you’re “supposed” to want - a life of excess, status and material wealth – is not what you REALLY want the most. This causes the jealousy, frustration and disappointment of “not having enough” to fade away. In its place, a deep sense of contentment blossoms as you rearrange your life to align with your highest aspirations for humanity.
HOW TO TRANSFORM SCARCITY INTO SUFFICIENCY
As you transform scarcity into sufficiency, you have greater access to the wealth of inner resources that exist within you. You create an experience of life where wholeness, integrity and satisfaction are present and available to you. There are many paths to the experience of sufficiency. Reading The Soul of Money is a first step to putting this wisdom into practice. Here are a few of my other favorites:
Become grounded in gratitude for all you have and all you are.
Develop the art of appreciation and acknowledgment, for yourself and others.
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Be known for what you allocate, generate and contribute, not what you accumulate.
Claim your capacity to be an extraordinary human being and use your life to create the world you want for humanity.
By being in gratitude for everything, appreciating everyone, living to contribute and using your extraordinary capacity to go after your wildest dreams – life explodes with possibility and passion.
Here are three specific tools to help you powerfully create a sense of sufficiency in your life – transforming complaints into commitments, developing appreciation practices and bolder giving.
TRANSFORMING COMPLAINTS INTO COMMITMENTS
Most of us have no idea how much we live in the context of complaint and the negative impact this has on our experience of life. Use the tool below to bring this into your awareness and establish a habit of transforming your complaints into commitments.
Get a notebook that you can carry around for a day. Make a list of ALL of your complaints in this notebook – any complaint about anything or anyone – including your complaint about how silly it is to do this exercise. Review your list and let it sink in how often you live in the world of complaint, how much time and energy you spend there.
Then take a few complaints on your list. Pull out the most popular ones and the ones that bug you the most. Write them below: ______
Now, turn your complaints into commitments. In the space of complaining you have absolutely no power. To access the control you have over any complaint, you need to shift your focus to what you can do about it. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 58 of 356
Use the lines below to write up your commitments regarding several of the complaints you listed. Write “my complaint was ______and my commitment is ______” for a handful of the complaints you’ve listed.
For example, a complaint I have is that the environment is not being cared for in a way that is healthy for living beings and sustainable for future generations. Where I gain my power is to turn this into a commitment and take actions consistent with this commitment. My commitment is to dedicate time, money and energy to global sustainability until the environment is healthy and sustainable.
Complaint #1: My complaint was ______
My commitment is ______
Complaint #2: My complaint was ______
My commitment is ______www.MarilynLevin.com Page 59 of 356
Complaint #3: My complaint was ______
My commitment is ______
Use your notebook to keep going if you have more complaints that you want to turn into commitments.
Then, the final step is to write down actions you’ll take to honor your commitments. For example, actions I take to embody my commitment to the environment include being a regular donor to the Pachamama Alliance, www.pachamama.org , and being consistently conscientious about the environmental impact of my purchases and behavior.
Actions I’ll take for commitment # 1:
______
Actions I’ll take for commitment # 2: ______
Actions I’ll take for commitment # 3:
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______
Shifting out of complaint and into commitment gets you focused on your power to create transformations and inspires you to see new possibilities instead of being trapped in concerns or problems. Taking actions that honor your commitments creates a flow of positive energy.
Lea Arellano of Human Solutions Consulting, Coaching and Training, www.human-solutions.us , puts it well.
“Change your conversations and you change the world. Non-committed complaining only fuels the complaint. While having discussions with friends, family or colleagues talk about what you are taking a stand for, how you want the world to be. Talk about how universal health care is the answer, how peace in the Middle East lives in your consciousness, how the war (in your heart and soul) has ended. Talk with pride about the actions you are taking with your life to create these changes.”
If you want to learn even more about creating a complaint free life and world, check out the book and website of that name www.acomplaintfreeworld.com . Get yourself and your friends a bracelet and take the 21 day complaint free challenge.
DEVELOP AN APPRECIATION PRACTICE
Strengthening your skills in the art of appreciation and acknowledgement is one of the most powerful tools that exists for individual and social transformation. You’ll have more success when you praise, acknowledge, encourage and inspire people into their greatness rather than criticizing or admonishing them for their shortcomings. This applies to handling others, and relating to yourself. Appreciate yourself and others frequently, in multiple ways. Build people up towards who you know they can become and praise them every step of the way.
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One of my favorite ways to appreciate is through a listening partnership. It works like this. One person in the pair is the listener and the other is the talker. The listener only listens and the talker spends the entire time appreciating and acknowledging the listener. Then they switch roles. Since each person gets the same amount of time, it can be handy to use a timer. Try doing this at least once a week in all of the relationships in your life – family, friends, and co-workers.
Lea Arellano has more appreciation wisdom to offer:
“Give thanks for this food and all the hands that brought it to the table. Give thanks for the breath in your body and the beat in your heart. Give thanks for your family and loved ones, for the roof over your head, for your beloved partner, for your job, for your creativity and for your joy. Appreciate anyone you may be struggling with over and over and watch the transformation. Whatever you appreciate does appreciate!
Love yourself and your love of others grows. Give love freely and love expands within you. See the positive perspective in all and it becomes positive. Compassion for others is the key for personal compassion and peacefulness, profound peace fullness.
Pray or say affirmations for people that "irk" you and love them instead of judging them and watch what happens. Love your family and appreciate them for all they are and who they are being right now. Live and let live.
Write thank you on every check you write. Be in a state of gratitude for the services you receive and pay for. Give thanks that you have the funds to pay for what you are paying.
For example, I recently received a $400 ticket for running a red light and this was my affirmation: Dear universe thank you for this ticket and for the money in which to pay it. I have learned my lesson of safety as a driver, thank you. I will never again run a red light, thank you. I will this money to go to www.MarilynLevin.com Page 62 of 356 schools and social services for the city in which I ran the light, and so it is! Yes! The “yes” and “so it is” are the stampede of your divine energy to send the manifestation on its way to the source in the universe.”
For more ways to appreciate see Appreciation activity write up.
GO FOR BOLDER GIVING
Bolder Giving’s, www.boldergiving.org , mission is to provide inspiration and practical support to people who want to give at their full potential. They envision a world where affluent (and not so affluent) people say, “I have enough” and dedicate their talents and full surplus towards creating a more joyful, just and sustainable world.
Bolder Giving’s answer to how much can you give is…whatever you don’t need. As you ground yourself in sufficiency, you gain insight into the difference between what you think you need and what you really need. You also get clear about the difference between what you think you want and what you really want. You ground yourself in the reality that any day you have food to eat, clean water to drink and freedom from violence, you are more blessed than many people on the planet. You graciously appreciate these gifts and joyfully dedicate all that you don’t need to others who do.
Let go of the mindset of scarcity, ground yourself in sufficiency, transform your complaints into commitments, develop the art of appreciation and give BOLDLY. These practices create focus and momentum toward manifesting your desires for your life and for the common good of our global family. As you remove your fixation on the superficial and live from a profound relationship to life, you gain access to the depth of your character and use it to benefit humanity.
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SUMMARY
Give up the toxic lie of Scarcity, which includes: There is not enough to go around; More is better; and That is just the way it is
Read The Soul of Money and learn to embrace sufficiency by appreciating the “enoughness” all around and within you.
Transform your complaints into commitments.
Develop and nurture appreciation practices in your life.
Become known for what you allocate, generate and contribute instead of what you accumulate. Be a “Bolder Giver.”
TOOLS & ACTIVITIES TO EXPLORE THIS TOPIC FURTHER :
Activities for Everyone: What Do You Want Activity Focus Activity Appreciations Activity Listening Pairs
Activities for People with Experience: 10 Chairs Activity Wealth Values Activity Mass Acquisition Activity Diminishing Resources Activity Scarcity to Sufficiency Activity Transforming Complaints into Commitments www.MarilynLevin.com Page 64 of 356
Handouts for People with Experience: Transforming Scarcity into Sufficiency Handout
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TOOLS FOR TRANSFORMING SEPARATION INTO CONNECTION
“We are in a crisis of perception because we see ourselves as something other than completely interconnected and interdependent. There are no other solutions to the world’s problems than a change in consciousness.” - Deepak Chopra
“We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest – a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” - Albert Einstein
Another key to fulfillment is to embrace the oneness of humanity and invest in the creation of a win-win world. Resistance to being deeply connected to others can actually keep you from having what you want in your life.
Shakti Gawain explains this in Creative Visualization (1978), “Unless you can create a context that the world is a good place to be that can potentially work for everyone, you will experience difficulty in creating what you want in your personal life. This is because human nature is basically loving, and so most of us will not allow ourselves to have what we want as long as we believe that we might be depriving others in order to do so” (p. 47).
It is no longer desirable, or even possible, to isolate ourselves by nationality, religion, race or ideology. We are a planet of interconnected, interdependent living beings. In a world where technological advances make it possible for a small group of individuals to impart significant damage on masses of people, real safety and security are essentially dependent on recognizing and nurturing deep connections of mutual well being.
One paradigm that is wreaking havoc on our ability to create and sustain safety is the view that anyone different from us is “the other.” The belief that we should mistrust and fear the other, as a first response, is a powerful negative manifestation of this paradigm. We try to contain this fear by separating from www.MarilynLevin.com Page 66 of 356 others, by viewing anything not familiar as dangerous, by building walls of judgment and by taking actions based in retaliation.
These beliefs not only fail to protect you, but actually escalate the problems. The only true safety comes from honoring our interconnectedness, interdependence and mutual well-being. The only resolution comes from facing inward to the places in you that perpetuate the myth of separation.
In Acts of Faith (1993, April 22), Iyanla Vanzant speaks to the importance of focusing inward, not outward, for any concern we have about the world. She says, “As you look around the community, society, the world, you probably see many things you would like to change. You want to speak out and strike out to make the changes happen, but don’t forget that God works from the inside out. You must first look within yourself to eliminate the fear, the anger, and the imbalance in your life. Then and only then can you move forward to create peacefully and powerfully the changes needed in the world.”
To access your power in life, you must focus on yourself. You must take full responsibility for how you create all of the things you don’t want in the world by allowing them to flourish within yourself. Then focus on ending anything you don’t like in the world by not allowing it to live within you. Then direct your passion and energy to creating what you want in the world by cultivating it within yourself.
NURTURING MUTUAL INVESTMENT
“If you’ve come to help me, you’re wasting your time, but if you’ve come because your liberation is tied up in mine, let’s get to work.” - Lila Watson
Once we refocus our attention on our connections (instead of what might potentially separate us) we begin to transform resistance into cooperation and collaboration. Once we fully accept how interdependent we are, we grasp that resistance is futile (forgive the star trek pun), that cooperation is better than resistance but that it is collaboration that brings forth the synergy and new possibilities because all parties see themselves as invested and in control.
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One way we can transform separation into connection is by the ways we choose to experience and deal with conflicts. When conflicts arise, many of us automatically fall into adversarial ways of thinking—you vs. me. Most of us are aware that there is a more constructive way to deal with conflict. At Search for Common Ground, www.sfcg.org , they call this strategy the common ground approach, where the parties involved understand and honor their differences and find a mutually beneficial agreement based on shared interest. So, how do we move from an adversarial approach to a cooperative or “common ground” approach - by shifting our attitude & behaviors, and with practice and experience?
Transforming Conflict involves starting from a place that accepts that conflicts are a natural part of life and are, in fact an opportunity to create breakthroughs in new ways of interacting. It is helpful to train yourself to be aware of your initial reactions and choose your approach thoughtfully instead of responding with a patterned reaction. It is powerful to recognize that most of us have poor listening skills, especially when it comes to conflict situations.
Consciously focusing on listening with the intent to discover what is really important to the other side can be very effective. It can change the entire dynamic in a conflict for you to listen well enough for the other person(s) to feel truly heard. It is vital that you also demonstrate respect – if not for the position people take, then for who they are as human beings. Without respect things are usually unworkable in the end. And in the end, the most effective focus is to find the highest common ground between you and the person(s) in the conflict. This is not about compromise, it is about identifying things all parties can aspire to and feel good about.
For more on this see handouts on conflict transformation in the appendix and see Search for Common Ground in the resource section.
EFFECTIVELY HANDLING HURTFUL REMARKS
“Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will break my heart” - The Therapy Sister’s www.thetherapysisters.com
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Another way we can help to heal our false sense of separation from each other and nurture deep connections is to handle hurtful remarks with power and compassion. Most of us struggle with effectively responding to hurtful remarks when they occur in life and in working with others. Typical responses are often based in denial or defensiveness, neither of which is effective in addressing the issues at hand or setting the stage for future change. An effective goal to have when addressing hurtful remarks is to respond in ways that will have the best chance of opening the offenders mind to behaving differently over time.
Consider all of the factors in each particular situation to determine what technique to try first and be willing to experiment with many different approaches*. People who make hurtful remarks almost always respond best to correction when they feel they are not under attack and are valued and respected (even though they are not demonstrating their best selves at the time). Some examples include showing the hurt when hurtful things are said instead of pretending like there is not an impact or responding with defensiveness. A genuine compassionate reply of “What you said was hurtful to me and I would like it if you wouldn’t say that again” can have an impact.
Another example is assuming good intentions of others. In response to a derogatory comment you might say “I think of you as a kind person, so I am going to assume that you didn’t know what you said would be hurtful”. Or you can express empathy for the damage that is done when people are taught to fuel hate by saying something like “I am guessing you got hurt somehow given you have so much hate in your heart towards these people”. The goal of this approach is do what you can to bring out the best in others.
For more on Effectively Handling Hurtful Remarks handouts in appendix.
LOVE ’S EVOLUTIONARY POWER
When you embrace your interconnectedness with others, it leads to a deeper connection with yourself. When you open your heart with compassion for all others, you have greater access to compassion and love for yourself. In Jean Houston’s The Search for the Beloved she writes of a thirteenth century mystic, www.MarilynLevin.com Page 69 of 356
Jalaloddin Rumi. He was a model for opening fully to love and allowing it to transform you. He showed us that we can love so fully that we lose ourselves in the spiritual connection to everything. By doing so, we give up the constraints and the stress that comes with trying to prove our individual worthiness.
“With Rumi we see how a richly human man of great passion and passionate complexity is transmuted through the most intense and ecstatic of love experiences to open the door to the next stage of human possibility…To discover Rumi is to see in one life how yearning can be met so completely that the walls of the local self dissolve into a continuously living intoxication of the spirit.” - Jump Time, Jean Houston (2000, p.189-190)
Let’s embrace loving ourselves and others into the next evolution of humanity. Let’s love so broadly that no one or nothing is left out of our compassion and good wishes. Let’s love so fully that we are filled with passion for bringing joy to everyone we meet. Let’s love so boldly that we manifest love in the face of anything, even hatred. Let’s love so deeply that tears of joy flow at the depth of connection we feel to ourselves and others.
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HEALING THE MIRAGE OF SEPARATION
“Solidarity is born of knowing that we are all connected and so the choice of us versus them is a false one.” - Lynne Twist
One way you experience both separation and connection is through your identities. Your identities describe the social categories and roles you fit into – black/white/multi-racial; married/divorced/single; teacher/student/student teacher; working class/middle class/owning class, parent/child/grandparent, gay/straight/bisexual, or Christian/Jew/Muslim - just to name a few. Identities are both liberating and limiting.
Identities are liberating when they help you have a sense of belonging with others who are like you and an understanding of others who are different from you. They are limiting when they create a sense of separation from, and judgment of, others. They are also limiting when they dictate how you, or others, should act in order to belong to the group.
Identities and labels are helpful when we use them to better understand an individual and the many aspects that make them unique. Identities and labels are damaging when we make assumptions based in misinformation, called stereotypes, about who an individual is because of a label or identity they have. For example, we can better understand the complexity of someone by knowing their many identities but only if we recognize that the understanding and expression of these identities differs widely from person to person.
You are free from the limits of identities when you use them in ways that empower you. Take a look at your identities and redefine what they mean to you if they don’t allow for your full self expression. Examine other’s identities and reframe what they mean to you if they don’t support your humanity and the world you want to live in.
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OUR CORE IDENTITY
“Each of us is first and foremost a member of the human race, a citizen of the world. To the extent that we can recognize common bonds and the requirements of interpersonal interdependency, we can begin to look to all the wisdom of all the ages for guiding transformation to a higher order of humanbeingness.” - The Challenge of Native American Traditions, Smith & Quinn (2004, p. 8)
Once you work through the process of claiming the empowering parts of the identities you embrace, you can then take the next step in your individual transformation. You can surrender to your humanity as your core, and most authentic, identity. You can relate to others as members of the same global family and remember that recognizing our interdependence and honoring our mutual well-being is the most effective path to peaceful coexistence.
Once connected with your humanity, you no longer think of only yourself and your immediate loved ones, you embrace your part in the human family and extend your concern to all living things. Charlotte Kasl, author of If the Buddha Married , puts it this way, “If we were fully awake we would experience that to harm another is to harm ourselves and that to harm ourselves is to harm another. There is no separation” (2001, p. 5).
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SUMMARY
Embrace the oneness of humanity and invest in the creation of a win-win world. This is key to getting what you want personally.
Focus inward not outward. Cultivate in yourself what you want in the world. Eliminate in yourself what you don’t want in the world.
Surrender to your humanity as your core identity and embrace your part in the human family.
Love yourself and others into the next evolution of humanity.
TOOLS & ACTIVITIES TO EXPLORE THIS TOPIC FURTHER :
Activities for Everyone: Polarization Activity Line Up Activity Hand Fold Activity Arm Grab Activity Perfect 10 Activity Appreciation Bingo Resistance, Cooperation, Collaboration Activity Listening Pairs
Activities for People with Experience: Line Up Activity Identity Mingle Activity Native American Guided Visualization Exploring Our Diversity Activity Clique Activity www.MarilynLevin.com Page 73 of 356
Rethinking Our Enemies Activity Spectrum of Identity Activity Privilege Identification Activity Caucuses Activity Crossing the Line Activity
Handouts for Everyone: Tips for Transforming Conflict Handout Commonly Used Distinctions on Conflict Handout
Handouts for People with Experience: Effectively Handling Hurtful Remarks
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BECOMING THE ONE ’S WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR
“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for…” - The Elders, Hopi Nation, Oraibi, Arizona We are the Ones We Have been Waiting For, Alice Walker (2006, p. 76)
“Don’t let your tombstone read died with potential intact.” - Landmark Education
How do YOU become the ONE you’ve been waiting for, the one with the power to create the world of your dreams? By recognizing the immense power you have to transform your life and the world. Give up on waiting for others, including your leaders, to take care of the job. They can’t really do anything without you anyway. The world will transform as person after person transforms until there is enough synergy to rearrange our social and cultural ways of being.
Becoming the ONE isn’t a destination. It’s a journey. You will always be uncovering the next layer of awareness of what needs to heal within you for your extraordinary nature to shine through. Over time, you literally become more and more the person you’ve been waiting for - the one who has the power to create a life you love and a world that works for everyone. This isn’t a path for the faint of heart! To access your greatest power you must wrestle with your powerlessness. To live with a truly open and vulnerable heart you must endure heartbreak and hopelessness. To find an unending supply of gratitude you will need to confront your entitlement, denial and greed. These are however, worthy and courageous endeavors that bear the immense fruits of the most authentic and fulfilling life one can know.
You are an amazing human being capable of extraordinary courage, compassion and humanity. Don’t make the mistake of idealizing your heroes and heroines in a way that separates you from them. The qualities your heroes possess only inspire you because they are already present in you, waiting to come alive and be fully actualized.
One of my heroes is Arthur Richardson, III, Founder and CEO of Streets of Gold Productions. He radiates the possibility. In his presence, you get to bathe in the all of the positive energy that he projects. His company provides entrepreneurial, cultural and educational programs for under privileged youth in www.MarilynLevin.com Page 75 of 356
Wisconsin. His focus on fueling the thoughts and feelings that create the life he wants has enabled him to leave the mean streets of poverty and violence from his childhood and create an organization of service to humanity.
Another one of my heroines is Lara Mendel, founder and Executive Director of The Mosaic Project, www.mosaicproject.org . Mosaic, who won the Agape Foundation Peace Prize in 2005, brings children together from diverse backgrounds to learn skills in peace making. Mosaic empowers the children to believe the world they wish for is possible and teaches them the skills needed to create this world in collaboration with others.
Just like Arthur and Lara, you can be the ONE – for yourself, for your circle of loved ones, for your community, for the world.
Declare – I will be the ONE: to surrender to my capacity; to powerfully live in possibility; to exude love beyond measure; to have everyone I encounter see their divinity in me.
BEING AN ALLY
One of the most powerful ways we can “be the one” for others is to be allies. We generally think of an ally as a person who stands up for and supports others who are being picked on or put down in some way. Taking action to interrupt mistreatment is something that almost always makes sense. In doing so, you demonstrate your commitment to making the world a better place.
While thinking of an ally as someone who helps others who are mistreated is helpful, it is even more productive to think of an ally as someone committed to a world that works for everyone. This way as an www.MarilynLevin.com Page 76 of 356 ally you stand up for everyone, you interrupt hurtful behavior towards anyone and you become an ally for the causes that benefit us all.
So, be an ally for both sides – for the bullied and the bully. Be an ally for justice, for fairness, for non- violence, and for a sustainable, peaceful world for all of us. Interrupt hurtful statements or demeaning behavior towards anyone. Interfere when anyone tries to make anyone else his or her enemy. And most importantly - be an ally for yourself! When your negative self-talk kicks in and says nasty things about you – use your inner ally to quiet the ridiculous negative voice. When you are pulled to sabotage your life because you deep down don’t feel like you deserve better – use your inner ally to take action and save the day.
It can seem odd to say that we should be an ally for the bully, for those who cause harm, for the inconsiderate person who lashes out at others. The reason this makes sense is because no one is born to hate and to mistreat others. People become capable of mistreating others because they have been hurt themselves and because our culture teaches us to judge and criticize. People have to lose touch with their humanity and compassion to be capable of being hateful and hurtful. To be capable of mistreating others is very damaging to us as human beings because deep down we all want to have cooperative, caring relationships with others. If we love ourselves fully we do not need to be hateful or hurtful to anyone else. So when we interrupt mistreatment we do so for the bullied person and for the bully because it is helpful and healing to do so for both parties. We do so for ourselves because of our commitment to a world that works for everyone.
SELF CARE FOR BEING THE ONE
“Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment. Full effort is full victory…. You must not worry whether the desired result follows your actions or not, so long as your motive is pure, your means correct. Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” - Mohandas Gandhi
“We don’t have to engage in grand heroic actions to participate in the process of change. Small acts, when multiplied by millions of people can transform the world….And if we do act, in however small a www.MarilynLevin.com Page 77 of 356
way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.” - Howard Zinn
Even the most effective super heroes and sheroes can experience working to make the world a better place as a burden and responsibility. When this happens, something inside of us needs to be healed. This should take priority, as we will not be effective in our work from a place of woundedness. It is a brilliant strategy for each of us to practice effective self-care, prioritizing our physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual well being on an ongoing basis and any time we become overwhelmed with the demands of our work. This can feel like being selfish, but on the contrary, we are playing martyr when we don’t care for ourselves well. When we are not grounded in experiencing the work as a joy and a privilege and as an expression of our soul’s desire to make a difference there are likely other motivations at play that need to be addressed.
When you experience making a difference in the world as a joy and a privilege, you are acting from your soul. You remember that your efforts are not undertaken to prove your worth or disprove your inadequacies. When your efforts to contribute feel like a burden, there are usually limiting beliefs that need to be addressed. You are making it about YOU instead of the cause, which disconnects you from your soul and the qualities of your humanity.
Common limiting beliefs include: • believing that you are not enough (strong, courageous, etc.) • believing that your efforts won’t make a difference • believing that it is unethical to rest while others suffer • thinking that your efforts will prove you are a good a person • thinking that you care more about your causes than anyone else • thinking that you can always do the job better than others can • feeling like you are all alone in your efforts • feeling like you need to suffer because so many others suffer
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All of these interfere with your power to make the world a better place. Take some time right now and explore. When you feel overwhelmed from your actions to make the world a better place, or even from your thoughts about doing so, what are you feeling and thinking? What limiting beliefs interfere with you contributing to the world as a joy and a privilege? Write these down below.
One counter intention or limiting belief that interferes is: ______
Another counter intention or limiting belief that interferes is: ______
Another counter intention or limiting belief that interferes is: ______
Another counter intention or limiting belief that interferes is: ______
Now choose some positive, self-enhancing beliefs to replace your limiting beliefs. Reconnect to your soul and the divinity within you.
One positive, self-enhancing belief I choose is: ______www.MarilynLevin.com Page 79 of 356
Another positive, self-enhancing belief I choose is: ______
Another positive, self-enhancing belief I choose is: ______
As you become the ONE, it is vital that you take good care of yourself. Make your physical, spiritual and emotional self your most important job. Be fully grounded in feeling good about yourself! Insist on the support you need. Make space for all of your emotions. Reclaim your childlike ZEST for life! Never surrender your commitment to your own transformation! Perfect the art of appreciation. Surround yourself with all that is positive and empowering. Take the time you need to rest and heal!
CREATE YOUR FUTURE – NOW
You are creating your future right now, in every thought, feeling and action. Is it the future you want for yourself and for the world? If not, create a new future. Cultivate the thoughts you want more of, embrace the feelings you want to experience more often, choose beliefs that empower you, and vividly imagine your dreams coming true.
Now go out and celebrate your successes – even before you have them. Bask in the feelings of euphoria, jump for joy and share your delight with others. Do this in advance of them showing up in your life and you are powerfully investing in their creation.
“This is the true joy in life, to be used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one, to be thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap. To be a force of nature instead of a feverish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am a member of the community and as a member it is www.MarilynLevin.com Page 80 of 356
my privilege to do for it whatever I can before I die. Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch that I want to make burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.” - George Bernard Shaw
TOOLS & ACTIVITIES TO EXPLORE THIS TOPIC FURTHER :
Activities for Everyone: Ally Cape Activity Best Self Activity Mind Power Activity My One Wild Precious Life Activity Appreciation Activities Perspective Activity Listening Pairs
Activities for People with Experience: Pairs Tag Activity Self Care Circle Activity Touch Someone Activity Support Sequence Activity Ally Cross Over Activity
Handouts for Everyone: Self Care for Super Heroes and Sheroes Handout Amazing Allies Handout
Handouts for People with Experience: Embracing Our Connections Handout www.MarilynLevin.com Page 81 of 356
INFORMATION FOR PEOPLE WITH EXPERIENCE
THE FABULOUS FACILITATOR WITHIN
This chapter discusses how to use the activities in this book to effectively explore making the world a better place with groups of people. It discusses how to use a single activity and how to develop a comprehensive series of activities. When you are leading others through activities you are “facilitating” their learning. In this role you are a facilitator of the experiential learning cycle. This chapter will provide the foundation you need to do this successfully.
This book uses experiential methods of teaching and training, based on the experiential learning cycle. According to the Association for Experiential Education, “Experiential education is a philosophy in which educators purposefully engage with learners in direct experience and focused reflection in order to increase knowledge, develop skills and clarify values.”
If you are a beginner at using experiential methods, you may need more background than this chapter provides. If you already have a background in experiential work you will still want to improve your skills and expand your tool kit of techniques as you go along. Either way, the Association for Experiential Education www.aee.org is a great way to access a wealth of resources on experiential education.
In just the same vein, to begin or expand your understanding of inspiring transformation in people’s lives, I recommend doing a web search for transformational, spiritual, or sacred activism for opportunities to develop yourself in this area. Four Years. Go. www.fouryearsgo.org is an extraordinary organization with the goal of putting humanity on a just, sustainable and fulfilling track by 2/14/2014 and is a fantastic resource for a model of global transformation. And, Landmark Education www.landmarkeducation.com does an excellent job of providing education in transformation.
Congratulations for being willing to take up the complex challenge of this work! Your best guide for this work is to prioritize your own path of transformation. As you peel away the layers of cultural
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HOW TO USE EXPERIENTIAL ACTIVITIES
Using experiential activities successfully involves many elements. Aspects related to you, the activity, the process and the people you are working with will be covered next.
ABOUT YOU
You will never know enough to navigate facilitation of experiential activities without error. Allow yourself to make mistakes, learn from them and keep growing in your ability as a facilitator. Take some chances, but don’t stray too far outside your level of competence because that puts your participants’ emotional and physical well being at risk. Outside of that caution, I encourage you to be brave in stretching towards your growth and development around these skills. The necessary skills include:
Self Awareness: As a facilitator you will need to come to a deepening understanding about who you are within the existing power structures in the world. You’ll take a look at things like your background (life experiences and influences), your privilege (access to power, resources, acceptance and opportunities), your identity labels (the words you use to define yourself), your biases (where you are misinformed), your triggers (what gets to you), and your areas of struggle around diversity and making the world a better place (i.e. being stuck in anger or hopelessness).
Knowledge: You will also need to develop your knowledge in the areas of transformation and personal/global healing, including the repercussions of individual and collective trauma and the wide variety of effective methods for healing on individual and global levels. The cultural conditionings explored earlier in this book are examples of our attempts to deal with the trauma of living in a system where the most www.MarilynLevin.com Page 83 of 356 vulnerable are regularly taken advantage of. Thankfully, there has been an explosion of awareness of different healing techniques over the last few decades. Several resources are mentioned throughout the book and many more are listed in the resource section.
Facilitation Skills: You will also need to continue to develop your capacity to handle the potential challenges involved in exploring topics that can be upsetting, annoying and downright explosive. For these explorations to be most useful, you will need the ability to handle disagreements/conflicts, intense displays of emotion and drastic differences of opinion and perspective with a calm and compassionate demeanor.
Approach: How you approach these topics will have immense impact on the experience of your participants. You need to show deep compassion for the conditioning we’ve all received and equally deep courage in inspiring new possibilities. Participants will struggle to believe that the world they wish for is possible. It is your job to look past their denial, defensiveness, resignation and hopelessness and show them the way to infinite possibility.
Perspective: Making the world a better place is extremely complex and can be very triggering for participants. Even as an expert you will not always know the best way to proceed. What I do when things get particularly complicated or messy is to “Be like Caesar”. Caesar Milan, “The Dog Whisperer”, brings a calm, assertive energy to handling “killer” dogs without any protective gear. This energy of confidence in the dog’s ability to change, being assertive but not aggressive and projecting relaxation often brings out the calm cooperative nature in dogs that seemed beyond help. Do this with your groups and enjoy the results.
This book is filled with perspective shifting information that will assist you in your approach to this work. I recommend reading the entire book before using any of the activities (but especially the intermediate and advanced activities). For further development on the list above look to the resource section in the appendix. Seek out books, websites, workshops, conferences and more to support your continued growth. You can also observe or co-facilitate with experienced facilitators, and practice facilitating on friends or colleagues. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 84 of 356
ABOUT ACTIVITY SELECTION
There are many considerations to selecting the right activities to use for any given situation. So how do you go about selecting which activity or activities to use? Here are a few questions to explore:
1) Know your group: What different kinds of people are in the group; race, class, gender, ethnicity, ability, culture, sexual orientation, language, religion, etc.? What issues does this group have? How well does the group work together? How long will the group need to progress from one type of activity to the next.
2) Know yourself: What is your ability level? What is your comfort level with the topics, the group, and the activities you hope to include? Will you be prepared to handle issues that might come up?
3) Know your goals: What issues do you want to address or avoid? How quickly will the group progress through the topics? What outcomes do you hope to see?
4) Know the activity: Can you clearly explain the activity? Do you know the risks of the activity? Is this activity emotionally and physically safe for this group? What are the potential negative outcomes and how might you handle them if they come up?
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ABOUT THE EXPERIENTIAL PROCESS
How we facilitate the activities is what creates openings for transformation. In this role, we create opportunities for people to see that they can have fun, feel good about who they are and experience connections with others in exploring diversity and transformation. Virtually everyone has been hurt around these topics. As facilitators we can use the activities and the experiential process to create a context for healing from the damages of living in an unfair society.
THE EXPERIENTIAL LEARNING CYCLE
The standard model for using experiential activities is the Experiential Learning Cycle. It was first described by David Kolb in the 1980’s, who built on the work of John Dewey and others.
THE ACTIVITY
Experiencing
Applying Reflecting
Generalizing
{------PROCESSING THE ACTIVITY------}
We start with an experience (the activity), and the rest of the cycle involves “processing” of the experience. Processing involves getting people together after an activity (usually in a circle) and using a www.MarilynLevin.com Page 86 of 356 variety of techniques to draw out the learning from the experiences. There are three steps to processing an experience: Reflecting, Generalizing, and Applying.
THE FIRST STEP IN PROCESSING – REFLECTING
Reflecting is a way for participants to remember what was going on during the experience. To facilitate reflection you ask participants “WHAT” questions like: “What was happening? What were you thinking? How were you feeling? What did you do? What did others do? What went well and what didn’t go so well?
THE SECOND STEP IN PROCESSING - GENERALIZING
Generalizing is a time to explore what happened in the activity in order to gain insight about how it applies to real life. Once people have had an opportunity to reflect on their experiences, they naturally begin to make connections with their prior experience in order to gain understanding. They shift their focus off of what just happened and begin to inquire about the possible insights it offers into who they are and how they act in real life.
To facilitate generalizing you ask participants “SO WHAT” questions like: Is this how you think, feel and act in real life? Did the feeling, words or actions of others remind you of other situations in your life? What might this teach you about how you handle yourself with others? What insights can you gain about others reactions and how they impact you?
THE THIRD STEP IN PROCESSING - APPLYING
Applying is about using the learning from the experience and subsequent processing to impact our lives. The real value in experiential activities lies in this important step. Small and large breakthroughs are possible in people’s lives when they are able to implement what they’ve learned in an activity into their lives. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 87 of 356
To facilitate applying ask participants “NOW WHAT” questions like: “What would you like to do with what you’ve learned here? How might you improve upon something in your life by using the insights you gained here? What would you like to do differently now? How can you apply what you’ve learned to challenges in your life?
After discussion, it often works well to give people an opportunity to set goals, create action steps, or even engage in strategic planning. This gives them concrete and personal ways to follow through when they get home.
TOOLS FOR PROCESSING
There are many tools that assist people in benefitting from the experiential learning cycle. Using a variety of tools will not only keep it interesting, but will create opportunities for richer and deeper exploration of the experience. The processing tools can be used in any of the steps of the processing cycle – reflecting, generalizing and applying.
Ratings: Participants can express themselves in response to questions by giving a one to ten rating on their fingers (or verbally). Example – ask them to rate the following after doing the activity: How challenging was this activity for you? How emotional was that activity for you? You can also rate the same things prior to the exercise (i.e. how challenging will this activity be for you?). Participants can also use their thumbs - thumbs up means affirmative, thumbs down means negative, or thumbs halfway sign can mean uncertain or mixed reaction.
Listening Partners: Have participants pair up. Each person is allowed to talk for a designated and equal amount of time (monitored by the facilitator). The listener does not talk, ask questions or offer advice – they ONLY listen. The listener remains relaxed and pays close, interested attention. Then they switch roles. See activity write up for more on Listening Pairs.
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The Round Robin: Give everyone a chance to speak by going around the circle. Examples include: “Say one thing that you saw or did during the activity,” or “Give one word about how you felt during that activity,” or “Explain one thing you will now do differently in your life.”
The Bouncing Ball: The group stands in a circle. A ball is used to bounce around the circle at random. It can be bounced to anyone. When each participant catches the ball, they can take their turn to speak or choose to “pass.”
The Magic Circle: Everyone gets in a close circle (arm in arm or arms around backs works well). Then the whole circle shuffles to the right until someone says “stop” and comments on the given question or statement. Then the whole group shuffles to the left until someone else says “stop,” and gives their response.
Art Related: Some people express themselves well through media such as music, visual, and dramatic arts. Use the following to help people express feelings or thoughts about an experience: drawings, group murals, sculptures, performances and collages.
Props: There are a number of cool props you can use to creatively enhance processing. Examples include cards with words and pictures on them, plastic replicas of body parts, and other objects. Do an online search for facilitating or processing tools to find out what is currently available. Try my friend Michelle’s website www.training-wheels.com to get started.
During the process of group reflection on the activity, you can also accomplish a number of other goals important to the overall experience. Examples include: testing, and if needed, renegotiation of the emotional safety of the group; establishing an atmosphere of playfulness and open mindedness; and assessing where the group is around the topics at hand. There are a number of excellent books on the topic of processing. See the Association for Experiential Education bookstore, www.aee.org for the ones that will best meet your needs.
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SEQUENCING OF THE ACTIVITIES
It is essential to begin with activities that participants will find safe and fun. Then you gradually move into activities or processing that people will find more challenging. During the process it helps to mix in upbeat, humorous activities with the heavier work which keeps people from getting overwhelmed and shutting down. When preparing to facilitate, make it a habit to develop flexible plans that can adjust to the needs of the group.
One of the most important factors for a successful activity session is the sequencing (order) of the activities. While there is a need for flexibility and variation, a basic progression of activities is as follows:
1. Setting Group Agreements: The first step is almost always to establish agreements about how the participants will agree to treat each other. We will go over my favorite group agreements later in this chapter.
2. Assessment Activities: Begin with an assessment process to provide information (for you and group members) about the diverse needs of the group. Make the assessments both useful and humorous to get the group thinking and laughing. You can find the assessment activities write up in the activity section.
3. Ice Breakers: used to reduce participant’s inhibitions, begin to check the group for safety issues and to further set a tone of playfulness, respect and acceptance. This can, but doesn’t have to, include games where participants learn each other’s names.
4. Initiatives or Problem Solving Activities: group challenges designed to bring out a wide variety of issues from communication to cooperation to leadership style to problem solving.
5. Trust Activities: used to establish or build trust between group members. These activities should be used with great care, because they contain the most potential for problems.
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6. Closure Activities: It is very useful to bring closure to a groups’ experience. This can be done well, even when you have very little time. See Closure Activities write up for more.
AN EFFECTIVE PROGRESSION
Crafting an effective experiential activity session on diversity and transformation takes careful attention to how you progress with your group. You will be balancing the need for forward movement with the need for safety. Here is a way to envision the whole process so that you can choose how far to go with any given group.
1. Creating a safe space
2. Information about transforming your life and the world
a. Cultural Conditioning
b. Understanding Oppression
c. Exploring Diversity
Closing
Every session begins with creating a safe space, and ends with a closing. What happens in between starts with cultural conditioning moves to understanding oppression, then exploring diversity. How far you go is up to you and your group. If you get into cultural conditioning and run out of time due to rich discussions, you can pick it up at a future meeting (after revisiting the creation of safe space).
CREATING A SAFE SPACE
If we fail to create a new way for groups to interact around this topic, we reinforce the cultural conditioning of shame, blame and denial. It’s important to take it slow – one step at a time – if you
www.MarilynLevin.com Page 91 of 356 guess incorrectly and move a group forward too quickly - no worries, end the activity without blaming you or the group and do something else.
Don’t promise a safe space – it is impossible to deliver. You can commit together as a group to work towards a safe space together but don’t promise it. Enhance safety by getting people laughing and feeling good about who they are and bring them back to this place over and over again.
FIRST STEP IN CREATING A SAFE SPACE : ESTABLISH GROUP AGREEMENTS
Set up agreement about how participants will treat each other every time you work with a group. Use no more than five agreements, because people will pretend to agree to anything if the list of agreements gets too long. Get everyone in the group to “buy in” when agreements are set up. If you have an agreement that doesn’t work for everyone, you can modify it, toss it out or just acknowledge that some people in the group will not honor this particular agreement. See Group Agreements Handout for a complete list.
Below are some of my favorites. You can find more in Group Agreements Handout in the appendix.
TOP THREE:
Assume Good Intentions: So how many of us are actually trying to be a jerk when we are a jerk? I believe that on occasion this is true. But most often, when we are being jerks, we are not trying to be jerks. We are just being insensitive or unaware. So it can be very helpful to flip our cultural norm of assuming bad first and assume good intentions first - of ourselves and of others.
Oops and Ouch: Use “OUCH” when you hear or see something that is hurtful and “OOPS” when you do or say something that is hurtful or insensitive. When this happens, we will remember to assume good intentions. The group may want to stop and discuss what has happened when an “OOPS” or “OUCH” occurs, or it may make sense to just make the statement and move on.
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Sweet and Sour: For every putdown or criticism that is made, the offending party must make two specific and different compliments to the offended person or group. And yes, if they are self put downs they have to give self compliments.
SECOND STEP IN CREATING A SAFE SPACE : FRAMING
Framing and Reframing: There are a number of themes that you will want to introduce early on and revisit frequently.
• First - it is not our personal failing or individual shortcomings that create our judgmental attitudes and attacking behaviors against others. It is cultural conditioning. In other words we are taught and trained to act this way.
• Second - feeling bad about ourselves is not a powerful place from which to act. Guilt and self persecution can lead to hopelessness and inaction. Assist participants who struggle here to see that feeling good about who they are, focused on their capacity and empowered to take brave action, is where they can make the most difference.
• Third – a focus on possibilities is much more and fruitful than an emphasis on the problems. People need to be made aware of the problems but more importantly encouraged to see new possibilities that exist when we don’t allow things to overwhelm us. Keep people laughing and excited about how they can blossom as human beings.
• Fourth – allow for display of feelings. Being cut off from our feelings around injustice can feel self protective but it is not. Our denial doesn’t protect us. We know the horrible things that happen in our world. It can be healing to surrender to that truth within ourselves. Once we face our feelings and begin to heal our deepest pain, we reconnect to our deepest joy and power.
After you’ve established and nurtured an emotionally safe environment and broken the ice with fun activities, you are ready to move into activities and information about transforming our relationship to diversity and injustice. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 93 of 356
INFORMATION ABOUT TRANSFORMING YOUR LIFE AND THE WORLD There are three topic areas to cover in doing this effectively: Cultural Conditioning, Understanding Oppression, and Exploring Diversity.
CULTURAL CONDITIONING It’s not personal, but cultural. It is about examining the conditioning that has us interacting in ways that are detrimental to all of us. This is about transforming our worldview and the systems of oppression. It is about transforming scarcity into sufficiency, emotional control into flow and separation into connection. It is about reclaiming our humanity and our lives. See chapters on cultural conditioning and related handouts in the appendix section for much more on this.
UNDERSTANDING OPPRESSION This is about pulling off the veil of denial and examining the system that is hurting us all. It is about doing this in a way that empowers people, instead of alienating them. It is about doing this in a way that moves away from shame and blame and towards mutual responsibility and possibility. See chapters on the Systems of Oppression and handouts in the appendix for resources to use with your groups.
EXPLORING DIVERSITY This is about understanding ourselves and understanding others in a way that honors our unique identities, backgrounds and perspectives but emphasizes our shared humanity as our core identity. See handouts in the appendix for resources to use with your groups.
After moving through one or all of the parts - cultural conditioning, understanding oppression and exploring diversity it can be useful to end with a closing activity or series of activities.
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CLOSING
Every session should have a closing as a way to tie up loose ends, and help people move forward. See closure activities in the activity write up section for suggestions. Closures can be very simple and brief or elaborate and lengthy is desired.
Now that you have an understanding of the pieces of the progression, let’s take a look at a typical progression.
OVERVIEW OF A TYPICAL SEQUENCE
Start with at least one appreciation (i.e. of the group’s commitment to diversity or making the world a better place). Then do some assessments to gain knowledge about the group and set the tone (i.e.1-10 check in). At least one of the assessments should be designed to cause a laugh to lighten the atmosphere right away. Then do group agreements, choosing no more than 5 to set up an emotionally safe environment.
Then move the group forward gradually increasing the difficulty of the activities, giving them insights into the reality that we are all trapped in the conditioning of an oppressive society. Tell them how good they are, how they resisted this conditioning when they were young and if they had had power as children they would have never accepted an unfair society. Remind them of this every half hour or so.
Start with the Hand Fold Activity, then progress to the Thumb Wrestling Activity, and then to the Hand Slap Activity, then Perspective Activity and then Focus Activity and finally the Polarization Activity. This series can then be followed by a listening pair. Have the participants talk about what they learned thus far or what thoughts and feelings are coming up for them at this point in the process. Then, introduce the concept of shifting from emotional control to emotional flow and use the Emotional Bruise Activity. At this point, it works well to use an activity or two to get the group moving around and getting to know each other better.
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Keep in mind that activities should not take long and processing should be minimal at this stage. Help participants visit the topic of diversity and oppression in a new way that is empowering and hopeful.
If all is going well it can be time to progress to Understanding Oppression 101. See Understanding Oppression 101 Activity write up and handout for more. This process in intermixed with quick ice breakers to keep things from getting too heavy too quickly. You might wonder why you shouldn’t just get down to business and talk about the tough realities of injustice and our participation in it. Well, in a rare group you can do this. But is it very much the exception in my experience. People just don’t have the skills and tools to handle this topic and leave empowered if it comes at them too fast and hard.
For groups who don’t seem ready to move on from here, Effectively Handling Hurtful Remarks can be a useful next step. For groups who do seem ready for the next step, you can move into activities that require identity disclosures or require open minded discussions on topics that can cause disagreements. A good way to start this process is by approaching the topic of amazing allies. We can all be allies and can all encourage others to be allies. See the Becoming the Ones Chapter and the Amazing Allies and Effectively Handling Hurtful Remarks handouts.
Don’t forget – sprinkle in ample appreciations and acknowledgments throughout the process.
From here, if all is well, your options are wide open. If the group safety is being maintained well, you should be able to proceed with any activity in the book that you are competent to facilitate. And remember, never go too long without an ice breaker to lighten things up, unless your group is really into going deep. In this case don’t interrupt their flow of getting down to the nitty gritty. I often use a 1-10 check to assess the level of investment, frustration, comfort, overwhelm or satisfaction participants are experiencing and use this information to adjust my plans accordingly.
Now is time for closure. The goal of closure is to leave people feeling good about who they are and empowered to take brave action. Appreciations are always a good idea. See Appreciation activities write up. Touch Someone Activity is my favorite if you have enough time. Leaving participants with something that reminds them to reclaim their playfulness and zest is also a winner. See Light and Lively activities write ups. My current favorites are balloon pop and superstar. Note that any time you use latex balloons you must first make sure no one in your group has latex allergies. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 96 of 356
SUMMARY
There is a lot to know before embarking on this work. Thankfully, it and you are a work in progress. Start within your competence and challenge yourself to grow along the way. When confused ask yourself what your inner hero would do and go for it. Your super hero cape won’t keep you from making mistakes, but it just might allow your mistakes to be useful ones (instead of careless ones). Use the information provided in this chapter to prepare for amazingly successful experiences and to evaluate what happened when they fall short, as they will for everyone.
HELPFUL HINTS - HOW TO EXCEL IN WORKING WITH PEOPLE ON DIVERSITY
These philosophies have served me well. I hope they help you too.
Really, really like people. Look past their external dysfunctions and see the caring, capable person that exists deep inside. Help them heal from the cultural conditioning so that they can remember their true selves – loving, cooperative and connected to other people!
Really, really like yourself and all of the dysfunctions you have on the surface. Recognize that accepting what exists now, is the access point for things to shift. What you resist persists, so give up resistance and relax into acceptance.
Make it safe to show emotions. When we allow our emotions to flow through us we heal. If we trap our feelings inside us, they are emotionally and physically toxic. See Transforming Emotional Control to Emotional Flow chapter for more.
Use equal parts compassion and courage. Validate each person’s experience of being hurt while at the same time empowering them to take back their power and surrender any sense of victimhood.
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Become an expert in the art of appreciation and acknowledgment! Praise, appreciate, be pleased with, nurture and support yourself and others.
Reclaim your childlike ZEST for life, and help others reclaim theirs. This can restore lost hope, passion and bravery.
Embrace ambiguity and uncertainty. Life and people are complicated and ever changing. Help yourselves and others to be open minded and flexible in the face of the many interpretations of reality.
When all else fails, stay closely connected to others (especially others who are different from you). Things will be confusing and hard and may seem hopeless at times but staying in relationship gives us our best chance of figuring things out together.
I want to thank Laurie Frank for the use of the Experiential Learning Cycle material from Journey Toward the Caring Classroom , published by Wood 'N' Barnes www.woodnbarnes.com .
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TIPS AND TOOLS FOR THE FABULOUS FACILITATOR
BECOMING A FABULOUS FACILITATOR
Creating and maintaining an empowering, emotionally safe and enjoyable context in your work with groups is the core of creating effective explorations into transformation. Becoming a fabulous facilitator is a non-linear, never ending path full of complicated detours and exciting victories. Below are a number of tips and tools that can assist you in your blossoming fabulousness. They are divided into four categories: Creating and Maintaining a Safe Environment, For the Facilitator, Handling Participants, and General Facilitation.
CREATING AND MAINTAINING A SAFE ENVIRONMENT
The Foundation that will make exploring diversity and injustice useful and empowering to people is in the context of a safe environment. Important aspects of creating and nurturing a safe space include: reading people and adjusting accordingly, effectively handling people’s feelings and behaviors, and using appreciations to reinforce what is working and redirect what is not working.
READING PEOPLE AND MAKING ADJUSTMENTS
Small Steps : Moving forward in small steps rather than huge leaps will allow you to make corrections before a participant has cascaded into their defense mechanisms (defensiveness, anger, hopelessness, apathy, guilt, etc.).
Non-Verbal Cues : Learn to read non-verbal cues well, because by the time people are in a place to verbally express their defense mechanism, you have usually let them get too far along in the frustration www.MarilynLevin.com Page 99 of 356 cycle. Cues that will indicate things are going well: attentive, relaxed facial expressions, body language and tone of voice that indicates interest and not aggravation, and participation that is engaged but not overly excited.
Use Assessments : Learn to read non-verbal cues well, but don’t trust them too much. Get feedback from the group about where they are throughout the process. See Assessments activity write up.
Making Adjustments : When people go a little too far beyond their comfort zones, try the following: 1) listening pairs to offload the buildup of feelings, 2) give a genuine compliment and/or have the group do some appreciations, 3) remind people of how good they are and it is the conditioning that interferes with us being our best, 4) take a break and meet with an individual or individuals on the break, or 5) do an ice breaker or use a light and lively activity.
EFFECTIVELY HANDLING BEHAVIORS AND FEELINGS
The following are a variety of tools for handling feelings and behaviors you can expect to show up in groups when exploring this topic.
Interrupt discounting behavior : Examples include: hurtful comments, snickering, booing, and inappropriate laughing. If this occurs, start by reminding participants about the group agreements they have made to each other around emotional safety. If this doesn’t work, a next step can be to apologize as a facilitator for moving the group forward faster than they were ready to go and adjust accordingly. If you do this without blaming yourself or the group, it can actually get the group invested in continuing. Or have the group work out together what needs to be addressed to create more safety.
Disarming the defensive reaction: How facilitators handle emotions when they surface can have a huge impact on participants’ experience. When someone expresses an emotion like anger or sadness, address the topic of emotions if you have not yet done so or to refer back to it if it has been covered. See Transforming Emotional Control to Emotional Flow Chapter.
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First you want to validate the courage it takes to show emotions and to reassure group members who might be uncomfortable with display of emotions that things are going as planned. An example of what you can say is, “I’m really glad you are passionate enough about this topic to have strong feelings about it. We are all broken hearted and enraged by the injustice in the world, but for a number of reasons it is hard for us to express it or sometimes even face it in ourselves.” If someone is targeting someone with blame or shame say something like this after you’ve made the first comment. “Unfortunately most of us have been taught that the best way to use our anger is to focus on who is to blame. This isn’t useful. It is much more useful to use our anger to motivate us to take responsibility for what WE can do to address the problem and to figure out how to INSPIRE others into action.”
Handling Identity Disclosures: Allow participants complete freedom to choose the words or labels they wish to use to themselves or to refuse any labels if they don’t like labels. Use whatever label each individuals prefers when referring to them (or no label at all if that is what they prefer), even when it does not fit your view of who they are. The only exception to this is when it comes to reclaiming hurtful language. For the purposes of leading groups in exploring diversity, I would recommend that you not allow hurtful language, even if some people prefer it.
Respect people’s right to reclaim language that has been used against them, but for the purposes of group’s work together, have everyone in the group refrain from using this language. If an explanation is needed for this, say that while individuals and groups can use reclaimed language and agree that its meaning is positive within their ranks, the larger cultural experience of the language is hurtful and demeaning so please choose other language. And if it makes sense to explore this further, you can have your group question if it is really possible to culturally reclaim a word or not? Examples of hurtful language that have been “reclaimed” include: women, using bitch; gay people, using dyke or fag; and black people, using nigger.
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I find it helpful to teach people to embrace ambiguity when it comes to labels and identities. Let people decide things that don’t make sense to you, change their mind frequently, and choose multiple labels that seem to conflict in your mind.
Always introduce activities that will create opportunities for identity disclosures (sharing our labels with others) with a disclaimer that participants should do whatever they need to do to protect an identity they do not wish to disclose, including lying (in words or behavior). Emphasize that this does NOT mean that they are in any way ashamed of this identity. It might mean that even though they are completely proud of that identity, the perceived risk of disclosure is not worth the perceived consequences of disclosure. Continue to remind groups about this on each activity. Be aware of the fact that even with this disclaimer, there will be internal pressure on participants who are conflicted about disclosure of an identity. This is unfortunate, but is generally worth the greater good served by doing the activities anyway.
If you believe that you will be working with a group where there might be the tendency to over disclose identities when it would not be safe to do so you have a responsibility to minimize this risk. You have a number of choices. First, you can decide not to use activities that could create this problem. Second, you could choose to use the activities with an emphasis on the no confidentiality group agreement (see Group Agreements handout) which reminds people to only share what they don’t need to keep confidential. Third you could adapt the activities to avoid certain types of identity disclosures that would be most problematic for the group.
Acknowledge people for the courage it takes to disclose potentially risky information about themselves, including identities. You can use this as a processing point to help everyone in the group relate by having them remember times when they have opened up to other people in ways that were scary. We all share a common struggle of deciding when to be open and honest about who we really are and the fears of rejection that can come with that decision. And welcome it when people choose to make disclosures that they are comfortable making – it is a good thing.
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USING APPRECIATIONS TO ENHANCE SAFE SPACE
Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate – appreciate individual participants and the whole group frequently, in multiple ways. Your skill in the art of appreciation and acknowledgement is one of the most powerful tools that exists for social transformation. You will almost always have more success when you praise, acknowledge, encourage and inspire people into their greatness rather than criticizing or admonishing them for their shortcomings. Build people up towards what you know they can become. There are numerous ways to do this. Some examples include: begin or end all gatherings or meetings with appreciations, set up appreciation bags (see activity write up), or designate one person per hour or per day and have everyone in the group send them appreciations in all forms (verbal, email, cards, singing telegrams, you name it).
Other ways to appreciate and acknowledge can be found in the Appreciation Activity write up. In addition to creating and maintaining a safe space, an acute awareness of self is very useful for facilitators.
FOR THE FACILITATOR
Ongoing learning about who you are, how you are perceived by participants and how you respond to participants is an essential part of developing as a facilitator.
Effective facilitators have an awareness of how participant’s filters, biases and prejudices affect their view of you as the facilitator. Don’t take these judgments personally; just use the knowledge to work with all kinds of people effectively. For example, my awareness that some people can find me: too feminist, ineffectively naïve, nauseatingly sweet, too perky and hyper, and too touchy feely, is very useful in trying to work with people who don’t find these qualities endearing. Without abandoning my authenticity, I bring the parts of myself to the table that will bent serve my participants and the goals at hand. I also explain the rationale for why I approach things a certain way to justify the things that participants might find problematic. I acknowledge that not everyone enjoys my style. When presented with humor, it can create a bridge between you and the people who find your style annoying. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 103 of 356
Extensive personal emotional work is very helpful in developing your effectiveness as a facilitator of diversity related topics. Our cultural conditioning encourages us to explore this topic by intellectualizing everything. This doesn’t work well. This work must include the mind, heart and soul to have an impact. As we heal our own emotional baggage, we become less and less triggered by people’s dysfunctions or hurt by people’s expressions of rage, broken heartedness and defensiveness. We need to be able to handle, with compassion and power, all feelings attached to these topics, allowing for more emotional flow than control. And we need the inner resources to handle participants’ feelings about the feelings that are expressed by others in the group.
Be open to feedback from participants. Consider all feedback that comes your way from the place of feeling good about who you are and knowing that you are excited to get a chance to grow. If you aren’t getting chances to grow you are playing it too safe.
Find a balance of working within your ability and continue growing into your capacity to handle more. If you tend to be perfectionist and cautious, then err on the side of getting in there and into it and if you are a thrill seeker and tend to take on more than you can handle err on the side of being conservative in your approach.
Apologize whenever something you have said or done is interpreted as hurtful. Since people can have a wide range of interpretations of anything that is said or done, you will never have fail safe ways to express yourself. When someone is offended, apologize for the offense and ask for feedback about how the incident could have been handled differently. This doesn’t mean that what was said or done was inherently offensive; it just means that it was interpreted as such in this instance.
Remember to put yourself in the position of being in the minority in areas where they have privilege. If you have frequent and different exposures to coping with the experience of not knowing the norms of the environment and feeling the isolation of being different you deepen your understanding and compassion. The more privilege you have, the more important this is.
The more self awareness you bring to your facilitation, the better able you will be to use the appropriate talents, tools and techniques in service of the participants. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 104 of 356
HANDLING PARTICIPANTS
Set participants up for success and get them back on track when they veer too far off course.
Dealing with the reality of injustice can be emotionally overwhelming and cut through our sense of goodness, fairness, and powerfulness. Given this, you will want to carefully and gradually introduce participants to the ways they have lost touch with their humanity. Most of us choose to be unaware of where we’ve lost touch with our humanity because we have NO idea of how to cope if we were aware. You will want to make sure that people understand that it is the conditioning of an oppressive system, not personal defects, that have caused us all to lose touch with parts of our humanity.
It is vital to interrupt targeting (demeaning or hurtful words or deeds) towards people without privilege and toward people with privilege. It is true that only one group has the power, but it is damaging to the humanity of any person who targets another human, even when it goes from a person without privilege to a person with privilege. Examples include women who make verbally demeaning comments about men and middle or working class people who put down wealthy people. Not only is this not empowering, it is damaging to the person who delivers the insult. It is actually participating in internalized oppression to do this because if the targeted group member was truly free of negative beliefs, they would have no need to target someone else.
There will be times when you will be confused about a comment or a question. Don’t pretend you know if you don’t. Just own up to it without feeling bad. You can take some time to think about it and address it later or ask the participants for their perspective on it. And if you can’t address it within the group you might ask to discuss it with the person afterwards. An example of what you might say is “Sorry if how I said or did things created a negative experience for you. I would love some feedback about how I could have done that differently.” You do this knowing that participants will often be reacting from past issues and injuries. There may be nothing inherently wrong with your actions, and if you did make a mistake, you get the chance to learn from it.
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It is our responsibility to stay informed about the currently preferred terminology associated with people who are marginalized. It is true that the terminology changes over time, and there is rarely complete agreement about the preferred terminology. It is still our responsibility to stay informed and to be adaptable and flexible in using acceptable terminology. Remember to be compassionate towards people who target you when you use terminology that is offensive to them. Apologize for using language that was offensive and thank them for correcting you. Ask them what language they would prefer you to use. Using person first language is frequently preferred (i.e. person with a disability, person of color).
Be aware that language that is familiar to people working in diversity circles is often foreign to people who do not have this awareness and training (i.e. social justice, internalized oppression). In fact, they can interpret very well meaning messages, intended to be a bridge to effective communication, as blaming and confusing, especially if they have significant guilt about injustice. If we want results with people with privilege, we must become culturally competent enough to speak the language that will reach and motivate them rather than send them into defensiveness and guilt.
As a facilitator it's important to remember that when something comes up and you're not quite sure how to react, just breathe and don't feel like you have to react immediately. For example, if you think a hurtful remark has been made but you are not sure. You might say "Hum, I think that might have been an ‘ouch’, but I am not sure. Let me think about it for a little while," or “I'm not sure if that's an ‘ouch’ or not. Let’s talk about that.” It is helpful to have discussions about the complexities of what makes an “ouch” an “ouch” and why people can disagree here.
When discussing the challenges of being in a marginalized group, remember to include the benefits of membership in marginalized groups as well. These can include open mindedness, decreased rigidity in adhering to social norms, creative problem solving that goes with thinking outside current approaches, decrease in accepting the status quo and increase in being open to knowledge outside of conventional wisdom.
When exploring privilege – be aware that if you have a woman who is a youth or an elder and is also the following: person with a disability, non-Christian, non-heterosexual, person of color and working class she has NO current experience of privilege in her life! Also, be aware that a man who is white, middle or www.MarilynLevin.com Page 106 of 356 owning class, Christian, without a disability, heterosexual and is middle aged has NO current experience of being marginalized in his life, though he did experience marginalization as a youth and will again as an elder. He may not relate very strongly to this marginalization because the rest of the privileges usually serve as a strong buffer zone.
With these tips for handling participant issues in your tools kit, I want to add some other general suggestions for an effective experience.
GENERAL FACILITATION
Address common pitfall with a forgiving, inclusive, confident and creative approach.
People will often contribute things to the discussion that are not free of bias. When this occurs, if you can find a kind way to correct them without triggering feelings of blame, it can be useful to do so. But it can also be useful to allow people (especially people really new to the topics) to express themselves as they know how – going back to assuming good intentions, see group agreements handout. It will be effective for you to focus much more on what people are doing well, than on what they are not doing so well. Give generous compliments and appreciations for forward movement. None of us are free from bias. If people are basically on target you usually won’t need to correct them unless you feel it is safe to do so. When people are grossly off target though it is your responsibility to correct them in the most compassionate way possible, see effectively handling hurtful remarks handout.
Recognize that there are all kinds of things that participants will bring up. It won’t always be appropriate to fully address what comes up because if you stay too long on one topic or get too heavy into things, people will begin to shut down. Most of the time, you will not address any issue in significant depth simply because most groups of people have not done enough work on themselves to tolerate an honest, in-depth exploration into these topics. Until people get many chances to reframe their experience of working on these topics (so as not to be overwhelmed by them), they need a fast paced, humorous, feel good about themselves approach to remain open to learning. But when the time is right to go deep with a group, it is useful at the point that tensions increase, to calmly acknowledge www.MarilynLevin.com Page 107 of 356 that this is happening. You can name it and appreciate it as an essential part of working through this topic in any depth. You can also invite the group to move beyond the point where most of us rarely go around this topic and acknowledge the bravery and usefulness of doing so.
Don’t push to have anyone accept your views or anyone else’s view of reality as THE reality. Encourage people to remain open to hearing and honestly considering others perspectives on reality. Every one of us has filters and biases that cloud our view. Teach participants to accept this without blame and avoid trying to pretend we are free of bias. When we do so, we have access to the broad perspective and wisdom that comes from examining things from multiple perspectives.
Use historical views that have changed to help people reevaluate their current biases. Examples include that left handedness used to be perceived as evil, wrong and from the influence of the devil; arguments that were used in the past to criminalize mixed race marriage are now used to argue against gay marriage; and woman used to be viewed as property of men.
Life is very rarely either/or and almost always both/and. When participants bring up something that is contradictory to what you’ve said, acknowledge the truth of their comment, and your comment and even other perspectives that differ from both of you. A great example of this occurred when I was commenting in training that we live in a culture that encourages us to feel old at a ridiculously young age and how silly it is to start feeling old when we are 40 if we are going to live to be 90. A participant pointed out that it was likely my privilege that had me excited about living to 90. I then acknowledged that what she said was very right and thanked her for pointing it out. Oppression can have a significant impact on people’s life span. I promised to rethink how I presented this material to make it reflect that truth. I then said that it is also true that we all, regardless of privilege, live in a culture (in the U.S.) that bombards us with misinformation about being old at a young age to fuel the profits of the beautification industry and more. Keep in mind that given the dynamics of a particular group, it might be MORE effective to just own up to your error and stop there without adding the additional truth of your point. It is vital to realize that your conditioning of privilege will show even with your best efforts to hide it. Own up to your error without self persecution and use it as a tool to help others know that even you, the facilitator, can’t escape the conditioning of the system of oppression.
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Here are some tools facilitators can use in activities to change individual roles and group dynamics. When using these, facilitators must take great care in setting up an environment that is not oppressive to people with disabilities and intervene appropriately if comments or behavior are inappropriate. Participants can: cover one eye, wear distorted glasses, wear headphones and play loud music, say everything twice, sing everything (country style or opera style), walk backwards, or say the opposite of what they mean.
Full inclusion of people with all types of disabilities in these activities is a vital role for a competent facilitator. Be mindful of any barriers to participation. Make the needed adjustments to the activities and seek out support for questions and concerns. To increase awareness about people with disabilities, it can work well to use the silent “applause” style used by the deaf and hard of hearing community. Hands are up on either side of your face with palms facing out. You rotate your wrists so that your palms shift back and forth from facing out and facing in.
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SUMMARY
Approach is everything – a playful, flexible, open minded and deeply compassionate approach will work almost every time. Hold out a vision for people of the amazing human being that exists within each of us.
Keep your personal transformation alive and integrated in your life. This will be your best guide as a facilitator of other’s transformation. Now that you are equipped with tips, tools and techniques it is time to explore the system of oppression. You will need a solid understanding of this information to effectively address participants questions and address bias and mis-information appropriately in your groups.
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THE SYSTEMS OF OPPRESSION
“Women and children in Bangladesh, India, the Philippines, Haiti, Mexico, China and elsewhere in the world forced into starvation and slavery as they turn out the tennis balls and cheap sneakers for the affluent. Ancient trees leveled to make more housing while housing that could be saved and reused are torn down and communities heartlessly displaced. Mining of the earth for every saleable substance she has. Fouling of the water that is her blood. Murdering innocents, whether people, animals or plants, in pursuit of oil…we see that we are, alas, a huge part of our problem” (Walker, 2006, p. 77, 2).
“I have been proud of (the U.S.). But today, among the world's industrialized nations, our nation is number one in billionaires - and number one in children and elderly living in poverty. Number one in real wealth - and number one in unequal wealth distribution. Number one in big houses - and number one in homelessness.” - John Robbins
“At this point it doesn’t matter who set the house of fire, who carried the gasoline, and whether the blaze was accidental, intentional or the result of gross negligence or stupidity. What matters most is that we figure out how to quench the flames.” (Abdullah, 1999, p. 2)
Many of us view the world as a win-lose scenario, with the have’s as the clear winners and the have not’s as the clear losers. It is more accurate to say that we are entrenched in a LOSE-LOSE approach to life. It is easy to understand why people who experience lack of resources, opportunities and humane treatment are the losers. But it can be hard to grasp how people with ample resources, opportunities and respectful treatment are also the losers in this set up. The supposed winners in life lose because our way of life can condition us to abandon parts of our humanity. Our humanity is the best qualities of our inherent nature like compassion, courage, and passion that motivates us to act on behalf of the goodwill of others.
We lose touch with our humanity by choosing to devalue and dehumanize others – in beliefs, words and deeds. We lose touch with our humanity by allowing immense, preventable suffering to continue while we have so many comforts that we are stressed out about having enough time to enjoy them. We lose www.MarilynLevin.com Page 111 of 356 touch with our humanity by being closed off to our deep sense of rage and broken heartedness about the injustices we allow to continue in our world. We lose touch with our humanity when we succumb to denial, hopelessness and cynicism in the face of our power to inspire transformation in ourselves and others.
The cultural conditioning we get from living within the systems of oppression can cause us to cling to safety nets that are really traps, fight to defend the cherished distortions that pollute our lives, and refuse to surrender our misdirected quest for the superficial instead of living a life that matters from our deepest sense of our humanity.
THE SYSTEM IS PLAYING US
The vast majority of us get thorough cultural conditioning in perpetuating the system of oppression. We are conditioned to participate in this system without awareness of how the system operates or what the costs of the system are for all of the players. We are not even aware that we are participating in a system. We are taught to view these systems as just “the way things are” rather than to grasp that they are only “the way things are” as long as we perpetuate them! So why do we play along so extensively? We play along because we are punished with disapproval, isolation, criticism, ostracism and worse when we question or challenge the system. So it is no surprise that most of us play along in the system to a much larger degree than we would like.
UNDERSTANDING THE SYSTEMS OF OPPRESSION
Oppression is individual, institutional or societal behavior of dehumanizing, suppressing or exploiting a group of people based on their social category. Oppression operates on multiple levels and is perpetuated through all facets of life. These levels include:
Individual: Individual attitudes and actions Institutional : Policies, laws, rules and norms used by society’s institutions (i.e. schools, work places, religious groups, media, social service and legal systems) Societal : Social codes, norms, roles, rituals, language and artistic expression www.MarilynLevin.com Page 112 of 356
The fundamental problem with the systems of oppression is that people have unequal access to power, resources, opportunities and acceptance based on the social categories they belong to.
These systems and structures of oppression that keep people from sharing power, resources, opportunities and acceptance equally:
Were Not Our Choice and Are Not Our Fault.
But, if we wish to coexist peacefully, they are inescapably Our Responsibility .
None of us is born wanting to live in world that is unfair or unjust.
The only reason we accepted these systems is because we were culturally conditioned as children, when we didn’t have the power to resist. This well intentioned, but detrimental, effort to help us function within the existing systems is taught and reinforced by the:
people in our lives (parents, teachers, leaders, etc.) institutions we participate in (school, religious, legal, business, media etc.) culture we live within (values, practices, beliefs, language, etc.)
We have all inherited a culture of unequal access to power, resources, opportunities and acceptance.
We all have experienced having access to these things and being denied access to these things to some degree. Our access, or lack of access, is significantly determined by the social categories we belong to. Whether we have access or are denied access we are ALL HURT BY THIS SYSTEM of inequality.
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Where we are on the grid of social identities has a big impact on our lives. Take a look at this Social Identity Grid :
Social Category Common Identities within the Category
Age Child Teen Elder Young Adult Senior Middle Aged
Gender Transgender Women Men
Race Multi-Racial Person of Color Multi-Racial White
Class Low Income Working Class Middle Class Owning Class
Sexual Orientation Queer Bisexual Gay & Lesbian Bisexual Asexual Heterosexual
Religion Jewish Atheist Hindu Sufi Bahia Buddhist Christian
Muslim Jehovah’s Witness Mormon Agnostic Spiritual Catholic
Ability Severe Disability Moderate Disability No Disability
Lesser Degree of Access ------Higher Degree of Access
Generally speaking, the closer we are to the right side of this grid, the higher access we have to power, resources, opportunities and acceptance. The closer we are to the left side of the grid the less access we have to these things. There are significant benefits to higher access. Including:
Access to power within institutional and cultural systems Access to resources and opportunities Societal acceptance and respect for our social category Freedom from exploitation based on our social category
Higher access to power, resources, opportunities and acceptance is typically viewed as exclusively positive. But as you can see below this higher access comes with significant costs:
Pressure to repress and escape the reality of unjust systems (i.e. denial and defensiveness)
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Disconnection from inner humanity in order to tolerate benefiting from an unjust system (i.e. losing touch with our compassionate, courageous nature)
Sense of entitlement that saps experience of gratitude and sense of appreciation (i.e. expecting things to go our way and being disappointed when they don’t)
Misalignment of values and behavioral actions (i.e. accumulating wealth while children starve)
And there are other costs for everyone: Regardless of what social categories we fit in to, living in an unjust and inequitable system has severe negative consequences for us ALL.
Examples include:
Emotional repression that inhibits connection to self and closeness to others
Conditioning to view others different from us with fear, judgment and contempt
Pressure to focus on shame, blame and guilt instead of responsibility and action
Living with fear, hopelessness, cynicism and resignation and the unhealthy coping mechanisms we use to deal with these (violence, addictions, greed, isolation, etc).
COMPLEXITIES TO CONSIDER
• This is NOT about who is right or wrong, who is good or bad or who is worthy or unworthy. These are distinctions that are destructive to the process of understanding the system that is damaging to us all. This IS about developing an awareness of the damages of the inequities for us ALL and creating a world that works for everyone.
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• When examining this system, it is easy to blame the people with the most access instead of blaming the system. It is useful to remember that we all have conditioning to go along with the status quo and that the costs of the system are immense for us all. For example the people with the most access are most pressured to surrender their humanity to accept the benefits of the inequitable system at the expense of others.
• Our differences are not the cause of oppression, only the excuse used to continue oppression. For example, there is NO scientific basis for separating people into racial categories. Racial categories were created, during the time of slavery, to justify and perpetuate the mistreatment of people based on skin color.
• The social category grid is based in a United States perspective. This would look somewhat different from a world view or from the view of other countries (i.e. Christian would not always be on the right side of the grid as it is from the U.S perspective).
• When a person whose social category (i.e. men) allows them greater access to power, resources, opportunities and acceptance behaves in ways that are like the others in that social category (i.e. women) they can suffer similar treatment even though they don’t belong to that category. For example, when men show sensitivity or emotional vulnerability they are judged and criticized for being too much like women.
• The identities on the Social Identity Grid are laid out as a starting point for discussion. There are numerous considerations for determining placement and shifts in placement are acceptable in many cases. One example is the duplicate listings for multi-racial and bisexual. In these cases, whether or not a multi-racial or bisexual person could be mistaken for white or heterosexual has an impact on their access to power, resources, opportunities and acceptance.
By breaking through our cultural habit of denial and fully accepting the negative impact of these systems on us all, we can find inspiration and motivation to reconnect to our humanity and discontinue our participation in these systems that don’t serve us as individuals or as a human community.
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Our heroes, like MLK, Gandhi and Mother Teresa, broke free of this system by living in compassion and respect for all others, non-violently standing up for those who suffered while holding love in their hearts for those inflicting the suffering. We can choose to do this as well!
The Systems of Oppression will be transformed when ALL parties in the system experience healing and end their participation in the system!
THE PRIVILEGE PARADOX
“The trouble around difference (and oppression) is really around privilege and power – the existence of privilege and the lopsided distribution of power that keeps it going. The trouble is rooted in a legacy we’ve all inherited. It isn’t our fault…but it is up to us to decide how we’re going to deal with it before we collectively pass it along to the generation that will follow ours” (Johnson, 2001, p. 15).
“Every relationship of domination, of exploitation, of oppression is by definition violent, whether or not the violence is expressed by drastic means. In such a relationship, dominator and dominated alike are reduced to things – the former dehumanized by an excess of power, the later by a lack of it.” - Paulo Frieire
So why would we want to spend time considering the damages of the systems of oppression on people who have privileges and power within the systems? Because it is essential that we heal on both sides of the equation. Because we must create healing for people who are marginalized and people who are privileged so that all humans are motivated to transform the systems that are damaging our world.
Privilege involves a higher degree of access to power, resources, opportunities and acceptance. Marginalization involves a lower degree of access to power, resources, opportunities and acceptance. Privilege consists of unearned entitlements and other advantages that are provided to people in the privileged social categories and denied to the people in the marginalized social categories. Privileges are not provided or withheld based on anything people have done or failed to do. They are provided and withheld based on one’s social category memberships. Use the social identity grid found earlier in this www.MarilynLevin.com Page 117 of 356 chapter to identify where you have privilege (higher access or right side of grid) and where you are marginalized (lower access or left side of grid). You will want to invest significant energy into understanding the impact of privilege in your life. An ongoing commitment to learning about your privilege is an essential part of personal transformation.
We all have the experience of being marginalized. Even a person who has all forms of privilege for most of their life experiences being marginalized as a child and again as an elder. We all have the experience of being privileged: even a person who has none of the forms of privilege for their entire life, experiences age privilege during their middle aged years.
The more privilege we have, the more damage the conditioning of privilege can have in our lives and the more marginalization we experience, the more damage the conditioning of marginalization can have in our lives. When we experience being marginalized, we are not afforded the same rights, opportunities and resources as others. When we experience the conditioning of privilege, we are asked to surrender parts of our humanity to participate in a system that benefits us at the cost of others.
Privilege does promise that our basic needs (food, shelter, etc.) will be met and often exceeded; that we can expect access to opportunities and resources; and that we can generally expect respectful treatment. But while these things certainly matter and life suffers when they are denied, having these doesn’t create the sense of happiness and fulfillment that we expect from them. While privilege makes life easier, more comfortable and less demanding, privilege does not give us what we seek most. In fact, it can be a barrier to it. What we seek most as human beings is to fully align our lives with our deepest values, to live out our purpose with courage, and to be deeply connected with other living beings.
THE CONDITIONING OF PRIVILEGE
“Mother Teresa once noted what she called “the deep poverty of the soul” that afflicts the wealthy, and had said that the poverty of the soul in America was deeper than any poverty she had seen anywhere on earth” (Twist, 2003, p. 138). www.MarilynLevin.com Page 118 of 356
One of the major ways our world is damaged by the conditioning of privilege is economic inequity and poverty. The system of oppression has most of us facing poverty – some of us face economic poverty and many others face poverty of the soul. So while the U.S. is from one perspective the wealthiest country on earth it is, from another angle, one of the most poverty stricken. The only way to resolve poverty is to share with each other the wealth on both sides of the conditioning. We must reach across the divides of the system of oppression, so we can all have access to the wealth of all types - outer resources (i.e. financial, influence, power, access to opportunities) and inner resources (close human connections, generosity, compassion, courage).
The conditioning of privilege can also inhibit our ability to appreciate ways of being (communication, behavior, perspectives) that are different from what is familiar to us. We lose out when we are taught to judge, discount and discredit things that don’t pass through our narrow filters of what is right or acceptable. This can limit our capacity for effective communication, our ability to be innovative and creative, our problem solving capabilities, our access to fulfillment and satisfaction and much more.
Privilege can also condition us to avoid questioning our cultural practices, even when the results of these ways of life are failing to produce the results we want, and are producing results that are problematic (i.e. using an aggressive, domineering approach to solving world problems). Privilege can also condition us to dismiss and ignore ways of life that are outside of what we are familiar with even when they produce wanted results (i.e. alternative medical and healing practices).
Privilege can also condition us to view struggle and pain as the enemy and to seek comfort and ease above all else. This obsession with avoiding pain and struggle can rob us of much that is worthwhile. When we fail to notice and acknowledge the pain and struggle in our lives we are cut off from a deep understanding of ourselves and from deep compassion for the suffering of others. When we shut down our access to feelings and awareness we do not want to experience, we also cuts ourselves off from feelings and awareness we do want to experience – like deep joy and our complete connectedness to others. This obsession also robs us of the training we need to strengthen our resilience through taking on challenges that push us beyond our current capacities. It can also create a false sense of victimization, where ordinary life struggles are often experienced as traumatizing and overwhelming. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 119 of 356
If you would like to learn more about privilege, a few things I recommend are: read Alan Johnson’s book Privilege Power and Difference, attend the White Privilege Conference and put yourself in experiences where you are overwhelmingly in the minority.
THE CONDITIONING OF MARGINALIZATION
“For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others” - Nelson Mandela
“… the oppressed must not, in seeking to regain their humanity…become in turn oppressors of the oppressors, but rather restorers of the humanity.” - Paulo Freire
The major impact of the conditioning of marginalization is internalized oppression. Internalized oppression is when members of a marginalized group accept the negative misinformation about themselves and their group. This also plays out in mistreatment of themselves and other members of their group. Examples of this include: substance abuse, lack of self care, not going after dreams and not standing up for fair treatment. Managing and healing from internalized oppression is sometimes the most difficult part of living in the systems of oppression. It involves healing the inner world of self judgment, doubt and criticism that conditions you to devalue yourself, mistreat yourself and accept the mistreatment of others.
One of the most powerful ways you can interrupt the systems of oppression is by healing internalized oppression in yourself and by supporting that healing in others. How do you take this on? Anything you do to love yourself more fully, care for yourself more effectively or believe in yourself more extensively is healing internalized oppression. Take on that you are brilliant, you really matter, you can excel, and you are beautiful and so on. Help others to do this as well. As you do so, you are rearranging your experience of yourself and healing the negative messages that come from a biased cultural perspective. By healing internalized oppression, people who are marginalized take a big step in restoring humanity for us all.
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THE END OF A LOSE /L OSE GAME
The system of oppression: pits us against each other in a battle for things that don’t bring happiness, breeds mistrust instead of open mindedness, teaches judgment instead of compassion, creates fear instead of courage, fuels competition instead of collaboration, disconnects us from our power, perpetuates polarization and has us focusing on denial, guilt and blame instead of responsibility and action.
Within the current system of oppression, no one is getting their needs met. People without privilege can face limited access to the basic needs of: dignity and respect, power to impact their surroundings, adequate food, clothing, housing, medical care and equal opportunities to succeed. People with privilege can face limited access to the fundamental human needs of: compassion for others, self awareness strong enough to break through denial, deep sense of interconnection to others, and the courage that enables them to use their privilege to reclaim their humanity. As Mother Teresa once said “It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.”
As we step outside of our conditioning and end our participation in this system we reconnect to happiness, open mindedness, compassion, and courage and we use our power to focus on responsibility and take action.
It can be very disheartening to hear about the massive conditioning we have received by living within oppressive and unjust systems and structures in our society. However, it is our ticket to freedom to accept that we have allowed this to happen and that we have complete power to stop it from continuing. Over the last several decades, an explosion of people, from all walks of life from all over the world, has accepted the challenge of transforming themselves and their world.
Paul Hawkin explains this phenomenon known as “global civil society” in his best-selling book, Blessed Unrest . “Across the planet groups ranging from neighborhood associations to well-funded international organizations are confronting issues like the destruction of the environment, the abuses of free-market fundamentalism, social justice and the loss of indigenous cultures. Though these groups share no www.MarilynLevin.com Page 121 of 356 unifying ideology or charismatic leader and are mostly unrecognized by politicians and the media, they are bringing about a profound transformation of human society” (Hawkin, 2007, cover).
TOOLS & ACTIVITIES TO EXPLORE THIS TOPIC FURTHER :
Activities for Everyone: Diversity Bingo Activity Mind Power Activity Listening Pairs Thumb Wrestling Activity Hand Slap Activity Perspective Activity Polarization Activity
Activities for People with Experience: Tug of War Activity Best Self Activity Understanding Oppression Activity What Workers Earn Activity Safety Net Activity Take a Stand Activity Turnstiles Activity Field of Dreams Activity Triangles, Circles and Squares Activity Privilege Identification Activity
Handouts For People with Experience: Reclaiming our Humanity in the Face of Privilege Handout Finding Our Way Through the Systems of Oppression Handout Understanding the Systems of Oppression Handout Can White Men Understand Oppression Handout www.MarilynLevin.com Page 122 of 356
The Role of White People in Ending Racism Redefining Violence Handout
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ACTIVITIES FOR EVERYONE (L ISTED ALPHABETICALLY )
INTRODUCTION TO ACTIVITIES FOR EVERYONE
You best chance of using these activities effectively is to read the material in the book that precedes these activities with special attention to the Fabulous Facilitator Within chapter. The activities are in alphabetical order. In addition, at the end of most chapters, I have included the activities and handouts that best apply to the content of each chapter.
MARILYN’S FAVORITE ACTIVITIES
* All of the activities in the Cultural Conditioning, not Personal Failing Chapter work very well to introduce people to these topics.
* Listening Pairs and Line Ups can be used in practically all settings to open things up.
* Appreciation Activities (and Touch Someone Activity in particular) are a GREAT to include any time you work with people on any topic.
* The following activities can be used to break the ice and loosen people up, at the beginning of training or throughout a training. These are not listed at the end of any of the chapters:
- Bingo - Little Sally Walker - Do Unto Others - Menagerie - Sound Conductor - Light and Lively - We Love People Who
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* The following Activities are not listed at the end of any of the chapters. I will specify their purpose below:
Assessment Activities – These are great for getting things rolling in the beginning of training but can also be used as a check in throughout training.
Assorted Activities – These are a wide variety of activities that didn’t warrant their own full write up.
Code of Agreement – This is a great process for setting up rules and agreements.
Closure Activities – This is a list of some of my favorite ways to bring closure to training.
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APPRECIATION ACTIVITIES
Potential use: Strengthening your skills in the art of appreciation and acknowledgement is one of the most powerful tools that exist for social transformation. We will almost always have more success when we praise, acknowledge, encourage and inspire people into their greatness rather than criticizing or admonishing them for their shortcomings. So appreciate yourself and others frequently in multiple ways. Build people up towards what you know they can become and praise them every step of the way.
Variations:
LISTENING PAIRS : Use the listening pair’s format to appreciate and acknowledge others.
APPRECIATION MINGLE : Have participants mingle around with the purpose of giving every person one verbal appreciation and a hug or a bow.
APPRECIATION BAGS : Participants create paper bags and display them in a common area. Then everyone fills the bags with written notes of acknowledgement and appreciation. See activity write up for more on this activity.
APPRECIATION SHEETS : Have each person put his or her name on the top of a piece of paper and decorate the border. Then have everyone in the group write an admirable trait or quality on each person’s sheet to express what they like/admire about them. Then have everyone sit in a circle and read off his or her own sheets by starting with “I am” and then reading each quality out loud. If you choose to www.MarilynLevin.com Page 126 of 356
process this activity you can cover a number of possible topics. Self esteem, need for approval, fear of rejection and need for acknowledgement are examples.
PLEASED AND PROUD APPRECIATIONS : Use circle format with one person in the middle. The person in the middle says “I am pleased and proud that I” and says a self appreciation out loud then they say “I am also pleased and proud that the group” and says an appreciation for the group. If the other members in the circle agree with that group appreciation, they need to change places in the group while the person who started in the middle gets a spot in the circle and leaves a new person to give their appreciations.
APPRECIATION PANEL : Have participants do a horseshoe lineup on how often they are appreciated in their lives with one side of the horseshoe representing frequently and the other side representing infrequently. Then have the half of the horseshoe that experiences more appreciation in their lives shower the other half of the horseshoe with a standing ovation of applause, yipping and hooting and whistling. If the group is too sedate, encourage them to pretend that their favorite sport team just won the biggest thing ever. Then ask the receiving half how that felt. Then have the receiving half switch and now give the raucous applause back to the other half of the group. Mention how powerful it would be if we used the same amount of passion and energy and resources we use to support the sports teams and celebrities we love, to cheer on and support people that make the world a better place. This can be done silently by sending loving energy as an alternative (with hugs if appropriate). Thanks Linda Seidel.
APPRECIATION JAR : Have a group of people write affirmation/appreciations on small pieces of paper. Write enough of them for one per day for the length of time you want them have the affirmations - the next week, next month, and next year. Put these in a beautiful jar or container. Give this to the person as a parting gift and a remembrance of your caring. To make it look good, put the affirmations on different colors of paper and fold them into fun shapes.
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A CIRCLE OF KINDNESS : Form a double circle with all group members, with one partner facing the center of the circle, and their partner behind them (also facing the center, with their hands on the shoulders of the inner circle person). The inner circle is asked to close their eyes, and only reply, “thank you” or keep silent. The outer circle is asked to quietly talk into the ear of the inner circle participants, mentioning something important that they learned from them or appreciated about them during the project, or a pleasant memory, or any other positive comment. The outer circle then moves one person to the right and continues. When the outer group has completed the circle, they are asked to become the center group, and the process begins for a second round. Source: www.teamworkandteamplay.com
TAKING TURNS : Designate one person per hour or day or week or meeting time and have everyone shower them with appreciations in all forms (verbal. email, cards, singing telegrams, you name it). You can also begin or end all gatherings or meetings with verbal appreciations.
SECRET SUPPORTER OR SECRET GUARDIAN ANGEL : Assign all participants to be someone’s supporter or angel with the goal of thinking of creative and secret ways to appreciate, encourage, support and empower their designated person. Make this a secret until it is revealed at the end, or you may choose to not reveal the supporter or angel. This works best over a period of days (i.e. a multi day conference or camp).
TOUCH SOMEONE ACTIVITY : The most effective way to do group appreciations. Use it with JOY. Touch Someone activity offers an opportunity for people to anonymously appreciate others and can lead to an increased sense of connection and respect in many groups. See activity write up.
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APPRECIATION BAG ACTIVITY
Potential use: The goal of appreciation bags is to create alliances among participants. The bags assist participants in seeing themselves and their accomplishments in a positive way. They also aid them to put their positive attention on their peers as resourceful and powerful.
Preparation: Signs that direct participants through the process need to be made and posted. Each participant will need a paper bag to start with. Markers, stickers, crayons, masking tape and additional paper should be placed in the vicinity of participants.
Facilitation Procedures: Appreciation Bags are paper sacks affixed in a common space and used as receptacles for positive written comments. They serve as a mechanism to give and receive encouragement for the people they are and for the things that they do.
Each participant creates a personal appreciation bag. The bag is decorated in a style that represents its creator and contains one’s name legibly written on the bag. For common names, the first initial of the last name should be added as well.
Participants write notes of thanks, appreciation and acknowledgement to others in the group. These notes are to be placed in the individuals’ bags.
This is not the time to send love notes or appreciations regarding someone’s looks, body shape, or other aspects that sometimes confuse us about who we are, but are about appreciating someone for whom they are or for something they did that makes a difference. For example, “I
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like your sense of humor” or “Thanks for supporting me in the last activity” or “I like how even when topics are tough, you make me laugh. Thanks!”
*Adapted by Marilyn Levin from Diverse & Resilient www.diverseandresilient.org
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ARM GRAB ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity can remind us to first understand what it is we need and then ask for it in a respectful manner, with an emphasis on aspects of the solutions that benefit both parties.
Preparation: Participants are grouped into pairs.
Facilitation Procedures: One person in a pair grabs the other person’s arm with two hands and holds on, firmly but gently. Explain that the arm represents something important to both people. Explain that the goal of the activity is for the person being held to get their arm back. Let the pairs work it out until everyone or almost everyone has come to some sort of a resolution.
Processing Procedures: Ask, “What different approaches did people use to resolve this dilemma?” You will find that many people use a physically aggressive approach and yank their arms out from the grip of the other person. Other common solutions are to threaten and bribe. And less commonly people try to ask for what they need and negotiate.
This activity demonstrates that it can be common in our culture to resort to aggressive solutions when we feel we are in adversarial situations. This can inhibit our creativity in finding win-win solutions to mutual problems. We can also notice that after assertive approaches we are culturally trained to use manipulative approaches like bribing or threatening. Even when this provides an immediate solution, it can contribute to long term problems with trust and relationship building.
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You can also bring up the issue of power. You can explain that power differences can significantly impact the potential options available to people in problem solving. You can also ask participants to discuss what it felt like when aggressive or manipulative solutions were used. You can explore the ways in which these approaches, even when successful, can build up resentment, breed a tendency to treat each other in an overly aggressive manner or limit our ability to notice cooperative ways to solve problems.
Concerns: If anyone has a physical limitation that would make this unsafe (i.e. sprained wrist) either adapt the activity or let them bow out of the activity.
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ASSESSMENT ACTIVITIES
Potential use: The goal of assessments is to quickly and experientially provide the facilitator and fellow participants with information about how the group is doing. This can give facilitators information at the beginning of a training to assist them in how to best proceed. Participants also learn about the needs of others in the group so they can better understand the challenge the facilitator faces in balancing a variety of needs. Assessments can also give the facilitator information at different points in a training about how well the goals and needs of the program are being met and what changes might improve the situation. Assessments can be used at any time during a program.
Variation:
ONE TO TEN : Participants are asked to hold up one to ten fingers to give a rating in response to the questions posed (One is low and Ten is high). Note that it is important to mention that not everyone is born with ten fingers or keeps ten fingers throughout their lives – so everyone should just use the number of fingers they have as the high point on their scale.
FUN (ICE BREAKING ) ASSESSMENTS : How awake you are? Ten is you’ve had a POT of coffee and One is you need CPR. How your day is going so far? Ten being the best day of your life and One being your day are so lousy that you need immediate TLC. Then I have people give their neighbor a hug if they are five or less.
SELF -ASSESSMENTS : How would you rate your knowledge of diversity issues, or your experience in dealing with diversity issues or your comfort level is dealing with tough diversity issues? Do each of these as a separate question. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 133 of 356
GROUP ASSESSMENTS : Where do you think trust is right now in our group? Cooperation? Integrity? Effort? Emotional safety? Where do you want to be on safety as a group? (Or any other quality)?
PROGRAMMATIC ASSESSMENTS : Rate the workshop on how well it is meeting your needs right now. In this case, I joke that they should not give me less than a four because that would hurt my feelings, but to please be honest so that changes can be made. Then ask anyone who has a score less than 8 if they have any specific suggestions about how things can be done differently to better meet their needs.
SIDES : Tell participants that you will read off two things and they should stand on the side of the room that fits them best. You can have just two choices or you can have the two opposite choices and one in the middle. Choices will help folks get to know one another and tell you about the group. It is helpful to point out that all of these diverse qualities are needed in the world. After using a handful of these most appropriate to your group, ask the group if they have any to add.
Freshman/Sophomore or Junior/Senior Been at workplace/school five plus years or less than five years Pessimist or optimist Controlling or loosey-goosey Linear or non-linear Intellectual or emotional Big picture or detail-oriented Perfectionist or easy going Realist or dreamer Drama queen or conflict avoider Competitive or cooperative Extrovert or introvert Flexible or structured Traditional or non-traditional www.MarilynLevin.com Page 134 of 356
Morning person or night person Serious or silly Survivor or Antiques Road Show Morning breath or bed head Gas station decaf or Starbucks double espresso Direct or indirect
Interrupt teasing and ask why is it that we need to tease each other for simple differences. Talk about the training we get in our culture to be polarized, judgmental and critical. Encourage shifts to a focus on being connecting, open minded and appreciative instead. A third category usually evolves because people don’t like to pick between the two options. When this happens, applaud the group for not adhering to either/or thinking and let a third category be used whenever they see fit. You may choose to explore the concept that we may label ourselves and each other unfairly and that it makes sense to question how we see ourselves and others.
SCALE : Post signs “extremely,” “moderately,” “uncertain,” “not very,” and “not at all” on the wall far enough from each other that participants can stand near each one. Then ask questions like “How ______are you?” Fill in qualities you want to know about such as playful, touchy feely, extroverted, comfortable, structured or anything else you want to assess. Have participants stand by the sign that best answers the question posed. Each item can give the participants an idea of the variety of needs this group will have as they proceed together. It will also give you, as the facilitator, a better grasp of what the groups needs are.
You can also ask questions like “Taking everything into consideration, how comfortable are you, knowing that we will spend X amount of time doing X over the next X period of time?” This allows people to articulate circumstances to the group that might influence their ability to participate fully (i.e. a recent death in the family is weighing on their minds, or a stomach condition is causing enough pain to be a distracting, or being very introverted make things like this very challenging). Acknowledge and appreciate the participants’ disclosures and assure them that they will be remembered and honored (i.e. we will treat you with extra care). www.MarilynLevin.com Page 135 of 356
FOUR CORNERS : Post four different choices on sheets of paper in the four corners of the room. For example if doing a diversity workshop, the four choices of focus for the workshop could be: cover a wide spectrum of diversity issues without depth, cover only a few types in depth, find the middle ground between the other two approaches, and something else all together.
This can help you and the participants know more about what the priorities are for different group members and allow you as a group to acknowledge the competing needs and decide your plan of action about meeting them, or acknowledge that you will not be able to meet them.
SPECTRUM : Have participants line up in a horseshoe shape on a spectrum from one extreme to the other. The Process/Product spectrum is the one I often use. Have people line up from the most process oriented style to the most product oriented style. People who are the most process oriented care about the process of how things go rather than the end products that result from the process. People who are the most product-oriented care most about the end products of the group’s time together rather than how the group got to the end products. Then ask people at different points of the spectrum to explain why they ended up where they did and what being in that place means to them.
Created by Marilyn Levin with contributions from Amy Climer, [email protected]
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ASSORTED ACTIVITIES
ANONYMOUS QUESTIONS
Potential use: Anonymous Questions is meant to allow participants ask uncomfortable questions.
Preparation: Participants will need a small piece of paper and a writing utensil.
Facilitation Procedure: When exploring diversity and injustice issues, people often feel uncomfortable asking some questions out loud for fear of saying the wrong thing or showing what they don’t know. So, offer up the chance to ask questions anonymously. Provide slips of paper and pens and tell people to ask ANYTHING. Tell people without questions to write something (like how much they like the facilitator) on the sheet of paper so no one knows who wrote the questions. Then have everyone pass them in and begin answering them.
CROSS TALK ACTIVITY
Potential use: Cross Talk Activity can be used as an icebreaker or to increase name recognition.
Facilitation Procedures: Participants start in a circle. The person in middle of the circle (i.e. Mark) starts by designating someone in the circle to begin the passing of the names (i.e. Juan). This designated person www.MarilynLevin.com Page 137 of 356
(Juan) cannot be tagged as the person who is starting (but he could be tagged at a later time if he is passed to again). But for the first time, this person says his name to someone else’s name in the group (i.e. Juan to Ida). The person in the middle tries to tag the person who was verbally passed to (Ida) before they verbally pass off to another person (i.e. Ida to Emily). The person in the middle stays in the middle until they tag someone before that verbally pass off to someone else in the group.
DRAG NAME INTRODUCTION ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity is used as an icebreaker and a name game.
Facilitation Procedures: For fun have people introduce themselves with their real name and then their drag name. The way you do that is to put your favorite pet name (or a pet you grew up with) with your favorite street name (or the street you grew up on). If Spot 34 th street ends up as your drag name, feel free to just make something up. It is fun to bring a feather boa for people to wear for this too!
FIND SOMEONE NEW ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity is an icebreaker that encourages interaction between participants who don’t know each other.
Facilitation Procedure: The facilitator has participants find other participants and follow the given instructions. Examples Include:
Find somebody you already know and like and teach each other a disco move. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 138 of 356
Find someone new to you who seems interesting and make up a secret handshake with him or her and then each revels something they’re passionate about.
Find someone who is the same size as you in any way, and do a river dance interpretation of something you love to do.
Find someone with the same eye color, and do a butt shimmy. Then talk about food you’ve never eaten.
GUARDIAN ANGEL OR MENTOR LETTER ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity is useful in personal reflection and goal setting.
Facilitation Procedures: Have participant put themselves in the position of being their own mentor or guardian angel. Have them do a listening pair to get their thoughts going and then have them individually write a letter to themselves pretending that they are their own mentor/guardian angels giving advice. Have them include things like answers to:
I can be proud of… Positive things I can remember to tell myself are… It will be useful to let go of… When I get frustrated I can… Thoughts and actions I can avoid are… I can find support from…
Then, have the participants finish by sitting in a circle and sharing parts of these mentor letters that they want to share. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 139 of 356
HANDS DOWN ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity can be used to explore the topics of how we handle being left out, how we handle frustration, tunnel vision and not noticing the big picture.
Preparation: The facilitator will need a handful of markers or pens (other objects work too).
Facilitation Procedures: Facilitator has a handful of objects (pens or markers work well) that they place in clear view of participants on the ground (or on a table) in random shapes. Each time the facilitator arranges the items in a new design they say, “This represents a number from one to ten, guess the number.” If participants guess the number correctly you congratulate them and if they guess incorrectly you tell them so. You continue doing this gradually becoming more and more obvious about the real focus of the activity as you go along. As you bring more and more attention to what you are doing with your hands during the activity, participants discover that the number from one to ten has nothing to do with how you arrange the objects. The one to ten has to do with the number of fingers you hold out for each arrangement.
Processing Procedures: You can cover what it is like to be left out, how we handle frustration and tunnel vision/not noticing the big picture.
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HOPE JUMP ACTIVITY
Potential use: The Hope Jump activity explores how we interfere with our success with apathy or self- sabotage.
Preparation: The facilitator will need to make sure there is enough room for participants to jump safely.
Facilitation Procedures: Preface with how our culture makes us seem silly, naïve, confused, etc. if we are hopeful, and encourages us to give up hope in the name of being realistic (translated hopeless). Have people start by standing in place and jumping as high as they can while leaving their arms limp by their side. Then have them jump as high as they can while thrusting their arms up in the air using their arms to contribute to the upwards momentum. Then have them jump as high as they can while they thrust their arms down towards the ground. Use this to explore how we interfere with our success by apathy (limp arms) or self-sabotage (thrusting arms down).
HOT TOPIC ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity assists a group in discussing charged topics.
Preparation: The facilitator will need brown paper bags, scrap paper, pens, and tape.
Facilitation Procedure: Take the paper bags and label them with the hot topics you wish to discuss. Facilitator can do this ahead of time or group participants can do this together. Put bags labeled with hot button issues out for the group. Have participants write up feelings, concerns, thoughts, solutions, etc. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 141 of 356
individually on scraps of paper and place them in the bag. Then post these pieces of paper on the walls grouped by each topic. Then do village walk which means that participants go around to the displayed scraps of paper (usually in silence) to read and reflect upon them. Then put the group in a circle and have a group discussion about the activity.
I’ M THE ONLY ONE WHO ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity can be used for an icebreaker.
Preparation: The facilitator will need to split participants into small groups.
Facilitation Procedures: Each person in the small group must come up with one thing that is true for only them within that group of people. Each person can suggest things they think are true for only them and once they find an item that is true for only them, the next person continues.
ISSUES STEP IN ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity is an experiential way to discuss and share commonalities around a topic.
Facilitation Procedures: Pick a topic – say social justice issues. Start with everyone in a circle. Ask participants to make a statement about one way they struggle in dealing with this topic and then step into the circle. If the statement is true for others in the circle they step in also. Then have participants make a
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statement about one thing they see as hopeful in the same topic area. People again step in also if this is true for them.
LIVING LEGACY ACTIVITY
Potential use: Living Legacy Activity can be used as an icebreaker.
Preparation: Participants will need to be divided into pairs or small groups. Also participants will need paper and a pen.
Facilitation Procedure: Our legacy is more about what we live than what we leave. The facilitator will ask participants the following questions, and the participants will record their answers. How do you want to be remembered? What qualities do you most want to show in your life? Then have participants share and discuss their answers in their pairs or groups.
Variation: This could be done in circle step in form or written and shared in pairs or small groups.
MEANING ACTIVITY
Potential use: The Meaning Activity will examine interpretations of meanings commonly held within culture.
Facilitation Procedures: Have all participants stand in a circle. The facilitator or group state interpretations of meanings commonly held in the culture that would be believed by at least some of the participants (i.e. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 143 of 356
when a person looks you in the eye it means they are listening or are being respectful). If a participant has a perspective in addition to or different from the statement, they step into the circle and state it (i.e. when a person looks you in the eye it means they are intimidating you). Then if others agree they step in too.
Processing Procedures: You can cover how limiting it is to be closed off to a variety of meanings. See Cultural Conditioning chapter (Rigid View of Reality) for more on this. Another activity in the same area is Redefinition activity.
OK SIGN ACTIVITY
Potential use: The point of the activity is that most people will pay more attention to what you do rather than what you say.
Facilitation Procedures: Facilitator tells participants to make an OK sign with their hands and to place the OK sign on their forehead. However facilitator places the OK sign on their chin. Many participants will do what the facilitator does not what he/she says.
Processing Procedures: This activity demonstrates the importance of your words and actions being in alignment, and that actions speak louder than words. One way this applies is that it is more important to act humanely than to use inhumane methods to confront people who are acting inhumanely. It also points to the fact that if we are giving mixed messages, it is hard for others to follow our lead.
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ONE HUNDRED YEAR ACTIVITY
Potential use: The One Hundred-Year activity points out the worldview and how beliefs, practices and knowledge from years ago are perceived years ago, and how it could possibly be perceived in the future.
Preparation: Participants can be divided into pairs or small groups or large groups.
Facilitation Procedure: List beliefs, practices, and knowledge that were commonly agreed upon one hundred years ago that now seem outrageous, damaging, problematic or just wrong. Then think of one hundred years in the future and make your best guesses about what of currently common beliefs and practices might be considered outrageous, damaging, problematic or just wrong.
PAIRS CELEBRATION ACTIVITY
Potential use: Pairs Celebration is a great icebreaker activity.
Facilitation Procedures: Have participants introduce themselves to everyone else one by one and create a celebration that is unique to the two of you (i.e. double high five, special handshake, dance moves).
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PERFECT TEN
Potential use: This activity explores labels and identities and how damaging it can be to be critical, judgmental and attacking.
Preparation: The facilitator will need to post signs zero to ten in a line on the wall.
Facilitation Procedures: Have participants pick a label or identity (leader, father, woman, Norwegian, Social Worker, Person with a disability, etc.). Then have people rate themselves as to where they see themselves around this label (ten being an amazing, and 0 being a really poor). Then have participants stand under the posted zero to ten sign that represents where they fit.
Processing procedures: Explore what it means to be a good or quality or successful within the identity you are working on. Process how damaging it can be to be self critical, judgmental and attacking. Explore what would have to be different to move your rating up.
PIÑATA ACTIVITY
Potential use: The Piñata Activity explores privilege and its impact on access to desirable things.
Preparation: The facilitator will need a piñata filled with desirable goods, a rope to hang the piñata, a blindfold and tools such as a stick, hammer, etc. to hit and break the piñata.
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Facilitation Procedures: Fill a piñata with desirable goods and have people hit it one by one, to break it open. Create metaphors for privileges by varying the access to the piñata, such as distance from the piñata, tools allowed, blindfold etc.
Processing Procedures: Discuss the difference in the privilege and the tools that represent them. How did they help or hinder the objective of breaking open the piñata?
QUESTION TRADE
Potential use: This activity can be used to open discussions or as an icebreaker.
Preparation: The facilitator will need to give every Participant a strip of paper and a pen.
Facilitation Procedures: Have participants write a question they would like to ask other members of the group on their strip of paper. This can be on any topic or a designated topic – like diversity. Now, if you are worried about the appropriateness of questions, you might need to monitor them. You can have people hang on to their question the whole time or you can have them trade questions each time they interact with another participant. Once the questions are written, the participants mingle around the room introducing themselves to others and asking their questions of each other.
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REDEFINITION ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity will examine both sides of common beliefs, labels and stereotypes.
Facilitation Procedures: Have everyone stand in a circle. The facilitator or group members state common beliefs or labels or stereotypes that would be believed by at least some of the participants (i.e. patriotic means you are willing to go to war for your country). When a participant has a perspective in addition to or different from the statement they step into the circle. And then state their belief, label, or stereotype (i.e. patriotic can also mean that you are not willing to send any human to war for your country). Then if others agree they step in too.
SUPER ALLY CAPES
Potential use: Super Ally Capes is a fun activity to use as an icebreaker or to close with. You can use the Amazing Ally Handout.
Preparation: The facilitator will need to have squares of cloth to use as cape and items to decorate (markers, paper, stickers, etc.), and string, ties, or safety pins.
Facilitation Procedures: Have people create their very own Amazing Ally capes to wear proudly. Use fun materials and markers and anything else you desire. Cut ties or use safety pins to attach to the participants so that the capes flow when they move.
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BINGO ACTIVITIES
Potential use: There are a number of ways to play Bingo. I have included three versions I find most useful in doing diversity work. Appreciation Bingo is for practicing appreciation as well as shifting from judgment and criticism. Booty Writing Bingo is for a fun way to break up the atmosphere if it gets too serious. And, Diversity Bingo (two different versions) is both a learning tool and an icebreaker.
Preparation: Each participant need to have a copy of the specific bingo sheet and a writing utensil.
Facilitation Procedures: Tell participants that they are to introduce themselves to each person in the group and have them sign one square that is true for the person they meet. Each person in the group can only sign once on each participant’s Bingo sheet. You are allowed to sign one of your own squares (the square must be true for you).
The object is to fill all of the squares. If there is a square that no one in the groups can sign, allow for an additional free square. To speed up the activity, the facilitator can allow for more multiple free squares. If you have fewer participants than squares, allow each person to sign more than one square on other people’s Bingo cards.
Processing Procedures for Appreciation Bingo: Start with questions like: What was it like to do this activity? Were there some squares people asked you to sign that surprised you? If so what? What did you like or dislike about doing this activity? What is it like for you to give and receive appreciations in real life?
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Then close with a reminder that we will almost always encounter more success when we praise, acknowledge, encourage and inspire people toward greatness rather than criticizing or admonishing them for their shortcomings. Facilitators might also address the following point: unfortunately we live in a culture that has us forgetting to show how much we care and how impressed we are with each other. If we learn how to show this care, we can increase our power, our possibilities and our connections to others.
Processing Procedures for Booty Writing Bingo: Start with questions like: What was it like to do this activity? What did you like or dislike? Was there anything on the sheet you were not willing to do and, if so, why? Was there anything on the sheet that was unfamiliar to you and, if so, what?
It is usually most fun to let the group try to figure out what “Booty Writing” is rather than telling them up front. If they can guess that it is writing words in the air with your booty then congratulate them. If they guess something else have them keep trying.
An important point to include is how important it is that we remain playful so we can maintain the hope and enthusiasm needed to cause transformations. In addition, it is important to note how, if we are not limited by worrying what others think of us, we can take many more useful risks toward making the world a better place. If there is anything on the sheet that is unfamiliar to folks, fill them in on it.
Processing Procedures for Diversity Bingo: Start with asking participants to raise their hands if they signed certain squares. I usually focus on the ones that are less common like “been to a Seder” and “knows what Animism is”. I have one of the people who signed those squares define them for the group and I add in anything that is missing.
Then I solicit volunteers to answer the factual squares, such as “can name six different religions.” Following this, I solicit participants who signed Bingo sheets that reflect their experiences (i.e. “has attended a Pow Wow”). I often end conclude this activity by asking those who identify as a “feminist” to raise their hand. In many groups the response can be low. I www.MarilynLevin.com Page 150 of 356
explain that this is an excellent example of how words can get co-opted and their meaning distorted. I say that being a feminist does not mean vicious, man hating, and comfortable shoe wearing women who cast evil spells. A feminist is simply someone who thinks men and women are equally fabulous and should have the same rights. Then I ask for a show of hands again with clarity about the real meaning of the word.
Variations: Other Languages : If facilitators have access to people who can translate the Bingo activities into other languages, they should do so. I once used Neighborhood Bingo in English and in Hmong for a multi ethnic neighborhood celebration. You can also have Bingo sheets done in a language other than English to use with people who speak only English. Have them proceed as best they can in completing the activity, even though they don’t understand the language. This can produce a wealth of material to talk about regarding racism, immigrants’ rights, and sensitivity to those who do not speak English, etc.
Pairs Celebrations : You can add “Pairs Celebrations” to the activity. Have people introduce themselves and then create their own celebratory movement before they have their partner sign the square. This can provide additional energy and humor during the activity.
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APPRECIATION BINGO
You teach me I like your You are very You are a great You make me a lot values compassionate leader smile
You have great I can count on You are You make me I love you ideas you compassionate feel proud
You have an You help me You cheer me You have good excellent I AM FABULOUS feel good up instincts attitude about me
You make me I can count on You make me You are very You believe in feel loved you a better person passionate me
I totally believe You are a great I trust you I admire you You inspire me in you friend
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BOOTY WRITING BINGO
Can Salsa, Samba Can curl their Can give a Can teach you a Is a good driver and mambo tongue good hug cool dance move
Loves their body Will sing a song Can do the chicken Can do a cartwheel Is willing to do dance an interpretive dance
Will sing the Can speak 3 or Knows how to Will tell you about Does not own a Star Spangled more languages Booty write an embarrassing Cell phone Banner moment
Can cook soul food Can say a Jewish Thinks you are Ate their boogers Has celebrated Prayer fabulous when they were Cinco de Mayo young
Knows some Is a good leader Ate paste in Has a special talent Likes tofu Sign language kindergarten that they will share
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DIVERSITY BINGO
Has been to a Can explain Knows what Knows what GLBT Can say hi & bye Seder what Hispanic animism is stands for in means more than 2 languages Can explain a Is a feminist Gives 10% or Knows what Has a different negative more of income corporate eye color than ramification of to good causes welfare is you globalization
Stands up to Can explain PUT YOUR NAME Can give 2 Has traveled to 4 discriminatory something about HERE: examples of or more countries statements Kwanzaa ableism
Knows what Can explain how Can name 3 Can name 6 Has attended a language is sexism hurts men non-American different religions Pow-Wow spoken by most leaders who people have worked for worldwide world peace Has a hidden Knows who is Knows what Can explain Is committed to Disability targeted by Heterosexism is a privilege peace and ageism they have justice
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DIVERSITY BINGO
Can explain Has attended a Is left handed Has a family Knows someone what prejudice is Pow-Wow member with a from another disability country
Can roll their Has a great Diversity Bingo Has been to a Stands up for tongue sense of humor Kwanzaa people who are Your Name Here Celebration teased
Can name 3 Donates money Has a different Can say Comes from a different religions to charity color of eyes something in family of five than you Spanish or more
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CLOSURES – SOME OF MY FAVORITES
Potential use: Experiential ways to bring closure to a group experience.
Variations:
JELLY ROLL : Have the group form a circle and hold hands. The facilitator lets go of the person’s hand on their left and winds into the circle going to the right, creating a spiral as he or she winds around. Slowly the entire group curls around into a jellyroll and does a gentle group hug. Then, without letting go of each other’s hands, the facilitator leads the group out by passing underneath someone’s arms/linked hands. Unwind back to the starting point.
EMPOWERMENT STAND UPS : Have everyone form a circle. The facilitator reads off statements and participants step into the circle if statement is true for them. You can have them celebrate after each statement is read or at the end.
Ever helped a friend Ever apologized for hurting someone's feelings Had the courage to keep going when you wanted to quit Tried again at something you failed at the first time Ever thanked someone for helping you Ever stood up for someone who was being picked on Worked against racism/sexism or oppression of any kind Overcome an obstacle in your life Ever stopped yourself from putting someone down Ever forgiven yourself for a mistake you've made www.MarilynLevin.com Page 156 of 356
Done something to take care of yourself when you needed it Ever allowed yourself to cry because you were happy or sad Try to take care of yourself physically or emotionally
LIGHT & LIVELY ACTIVITIES : See activity write up.
APPRECIATIONS : See activity write up.
TOUCH SOMEONE : Touch Someone is my all time favorite closure for groups who know each other well. See activity write up.
BOWING ACTIVITY Have participants form a greeting line. One by one have each participant pass slowly by everyone in line. As they get to each person offer a deep bow in silence or a shallow bow with a greeting like “peace be with you.”
SOUND CONDUCTOR ACTIVITY : See activity write up.
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DO UNTO OTHERS ACTIVITY
Potential use: This interactive activity can be provided at any point during group development (i.e. as an ice breaker or as a closing).
Facilitation Procedure: Assigning Participants a Number: To participate, each group member must be assigned a number for this activity. This can be done in a variety of ways: (a) assign numbers by drawing a number out of a hat, or (b) have participants line up according to some criteria (i.e. age, height) and then count off accordingly. Whatever number they are assigned, this number should be written at the top of the Do Onto Others worksheet. For example: Write your number here__7__ .
Participants should be told the exact number of group members participating in this activity (i.e. “There are eighteen people here today” ). They then write numbers for each group member (i.e. one through eighteen) into the statements listed below. To be specific, they should fill in the following numbers in ascending order. For example:
Get a shoulder rub from 1 . Make 2 laugh really hard. Whisper how much you like __3_ _ in their ear. Give a hug to __18_ _.
Participants should then fill out the remainder of the worksheet by repeating the numbering process (i.e. starting with writing one on statement 19, two on statement 20, etc.). At this point, participants should be ready to begin.
Participant Instructions: Each participant has been assigned a number for the remainder of this activity. Your number corresponds with an action you must “do unto” another group member. You will begin this www.MarilynLevin.com Page 158 of 356
activity by finding another participant and carry out both your assigned actions. For example, if you are Number twelve and pair up with Number four, you must “Tell # four two things you like about them.” Number four must then “Give a shoulder rub” to you in return. The person with the lower number always goes first. Once the first set of pairs has completed their actions, all participants will be informed to find a new partner. This activity will conclude after several pairings.
Concerns: The more participants are familiar with each other, the more comfortable they will be with the actions required during “Do Unto Others.”
Created by Marilyn Levin and Brian Ivory, Ph.D. ( [email protected] )
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DO UNTO OTHERS
Write your number here ______.
Get a shoulder rub from ______. Make laugh really hard. Give a shoulder rub to ______. Sneak up behind . Tell what celebrity they resemble. Tap on the shoulder and run away. Make up a personal handshake with ______. Cleanse the aura of . Teach your best dance move. Run 3 circles around . Tell two things you like about them. Give a high five. Tell your favorite song. Make a funny face and have copy you. Do a kick line with . Sing a funny song to _____. Give a hug to . Walk like a duck over to and say hello. Swing around like you were square dancing. Give a pat on the back. Scratch the back of ______. Tell one good thing about today. Tell one thing that makes you happy. Spin in a circle while holding ‘s hands. Bootie write the word hello with . Ask one thing that they like about themselves. Do the moonwalk with . Walk like a robot over to . Tell about your favorite place to be. Ask ____what their favorite nickname is. Do an impersonation of a star and have guess who it is. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 160 of 356
FIND YOUR SOUL ACTIVITY
Potential use: To gain clarity about whom you are on a soulful level.
Preparation: For this activity to work well, the group needs to have demonstrated a high degree of trust and emotional safety so that when participants share deeply about who they are, it is respected and taken seriously.
Facilitation Procedures: The facilitator leads participants slowly through the questions. Participants write their answers down on their own. They can then share their answers with a partner in a Listening Pair, see activity write up.
Write down your response to each of the following, using three words or phrases: • What is your purpose for being here? • What will be your contribution to the world? • What do you see as your unique talents? • What are the best qualities you display in your closest relationships? • Who are your heroes in myth and legend? • Which qualities do you most admire in others? • At the peak moments of your life, how did you feel?
Processing Procedure: The answers to these questions provide you with your soul profile, a list of 21 spiritual qualities that are present in your life and can be actualized starting today. If you act on the basis of these qualities, you are living from the level of your soul. Do not compare yourself to exalted models of spirituality -- every stage along the path of personal growth is equally valuable. Pull out www.MarilynLevin.com Page 161 of 356
consistent themes in the above words to gain clarity on whom you are at a soul level. Use this level of understanding of whom we are to drive how you choose to live in the world. Use the question, “Is this congruent with my soul?” to make decisions.
After this, participants can do another Listening Pair and focus on the parts of their lives that are, and are not, congruent with their soul profile. After that, you can continue by doing another Listening Pair about what changes participants might consider to align their life more completely with their soul profile.
Variations: This works well when followed by the What Do You Want Activity.
*Adapted from www.peaceisthewayglobalcommunity.org by Deepak Chopra
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FOCUS ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity is a metaphor for how an extreme focus on materialism and accumulation limits our view of everything. It creates a context where our focus is so narrow we have difficulty noticing what is out there that is truly meaningful to us.
Facilitation Procedures: Instructions for participants: Curve both of your hands to create a scope and put it on one eye. Keep that eye open and close the one without the scope. Now try to find various items in the room as I call them out (facilitator should leave enough time for people to find the item before moving on to the next item) – find someone you like, find a light fixture, find something blue, find some shoes you like, find an exit sign. Now take the scope off and open both eyes and let’s try it again. Find something yellow, find someone who you don’t know well, find a different light fixture, find a briefcase or backpack, and finally find a logo of any company on anything. What we notice in doing this is that when we narrow our focus it makes it harder to find what we want.
Lynne Twist, Global Activist and author of “The Soul of Money,” explains in her book that this mindset of scarcity has trapped us in a system where no matter how excessively we accumulate; we never have a sense of enough. This goes beyond possessions, to create a sense that we as individuals are not enough (good enough, attractive enough, successful enough, and so on). The good news is that we can consciously shift our experience of life away from scarcity towards sufficiency. Sufficiency, Lynne explains, is that perfect place of enough. Just as in a garden, in our lives, we fail to flourish when there is too little or way too much of what we need. Most of us are unawarely caught in a pursuit of more – bigger, better, faster – which doesn’t bring us the satisfaction we are promised. When we transform our lives to be about what we allocate, generate and contribute, we let go of the need to over accumulate material possessions and instead accumulate a deep sense of fulfillment and worth. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 163 of 356
Processing Procedures:
Use Listening Pairs or group discussion format to explore these themes:
Start with Scarcity: To what degree so you think you are focused on scarcity? What about others in your life – your friends, family etc.? What are things you obsess about acquiring? What do others you know focus on getting more and more of? Name all of the things you can think of that you don’t feel you have enough of. How does this focus affect how you feel about yourself? What are the ways in which you don’t feel like enough- smart enough, cute enough, powerful enough and so on?
Then Shift to Sufficiency: How often in your day do you notice you have enough of something? What might life be like if you didn’t need to go after bigger, better, faster, and more, most of the time? How might you feel differently if you felt like enough most of the time – smart enough, cute enough, talented enough?
• See Transforming Scarcity into Sufficiency Chapter for more on this topic. • Use Transforming Scarcity into Sufficiency Handout with this activity. • See the following activity write ups for more activities with this theme: - Stuff Happens - Scarcity to Sufficiency - Line Ups (Themes include: materialism, scarcity, sufficiency, appreciation) - Listening pairs (Themes include: cherishing life, noticing enough, cost of scarcity, gifts of sufficiency) - Musical chairs • Recommended reading for facilitator and for participants: The Soul of Money , by Lynne Twist • Key resource – The Global Sufficiency Network www.globalsufficiency.org www.MarilynLevin.com Page 164 of 356
Other Potential Themes: Self-Validations: When we are focused too heavily on: do they like me, love me, respect me, believe me, value me, etc. We are missing out on noticing the opinion of the only person that matters – ourselves. No one will ever succeed in making us feel loved, respected, valued etc. if we do not believe it ourselves!
Broad Perspective: So as you experienced earlier, it took much more effort to locate things when your view was restricted versus when you came to the challenge with a full spectrum of vision. When we come to the challenges we face with a broad perspective, open to the infinite possibilities available, this maximizes our creativity in developing solutions and empowers us to be bravely confident and hopeful about our success.
Adapted by Marilyn Levin, www.marilynlevin.com from Lynn Twist, www.soulofmoney.org.
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HAND FOLD ACTIVITY
Potential use: The goal in this activity is to help people see that we are culturally conditioned to view things we are not familiar with, as negative.
Facilitation Procedures: Ask participants to clasp their hands together while you demonstrate (hands together with interwoven fingers like for prayer). Tell participants, “just relax and shout out how this feels.” Wait for a response or two, repeating each one out loud, and then ask, “What else,” and wait for another response and repeat that out loud. Now ask participants to notice which thumb is on top and have them switch, and put their other thumb on top. Then ask them, “re-lace your hands together.” Now ask, “How does this feel?” Take several responses and repeat them out loud. If responses to the first are positive and the second are negative you are ready to proceed, but if the responses to both the original hand fold and the second hand fold are both negative, then ask the group to respond to how the second one feels in comparison to the first one. Ultimately most groups with concede that the first one felt better than the second one.
Then you explain to the group, “We know that one of these isn’t evil and one is good. One is just what we are used to and the other is what we are not used to. This is a reminder that we are raised in a culture that teaches us to have a negative emotional reaction to things we are not used to or familiar with. We don’t need to see a therapist or feel guilty about this, but it is very useful to be aware of this tendency. Then when we are exposed to something that is new to us or different than what we are used to we can expect that we will likely react negatively. We can choose to have the patience to delay judgment based on our initial reaction and evaluate things for their true value, not their initial appeal.”
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Processing Procedures : The Emotional Experience of Difference: Point out the importance of putting ourselves in situations to develop awareness and empathy for people in the minority. Yes, we can intellectually understand what it must be like for people who are in the minority by reading and talking about the topic, but there is NO substitute for regularly experiencing the emotions of dealing in an environment where you are the only one, or one of just a few, like you. This is especially important for people to do around their areas of privilege, because privilege conditions us to not notice what it is like for others without privilege.
Examples include: • Attending a Hmong New Year celebration or a Native American Pow-wow if you are White • Attending a Jewish Seder if you are Christian
• Attending a Little People’s Conference if you are of average height
• Participating in activities that involve people outside of your class, background and economic status
• Attend a religious ceremony that is open to visitors that is very different from your own
Embracing Diverse Wisdom: When we embark on new learning, it is helpful to remember that what is different than we are used to may initially feel uncomfortable. It will be essential to use the wisdom of all cultures (including the ones that seem wrong to us), and respect our inter-connectedness to solve the problems of our time in this global community. This will require that we learn to create space for embracing what will seem to be mutually exclusive beliefs and practices. Learning to hold multiple, seemingly conflicting truths, is an essential skill for a global citizen.
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HAND SLAP ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity explores how being under attack inhibits everyone’s ability to do their best.
Preparation: Each participant needs to find a partner.
Facilitation Procedures: Instructions for the Participants: Get into the position for playing the hand slapping game so many of us played in grade school. For those of you who were spared this game, one person has their palms facing down and positioned directly over the other person’s palms, which are facing up. The person in the palms up position tries to come around and slap the hand of the other person before they pull their hands away.
If you are the slapper (palms up person) in this version of the game you also give the slapee (palms down person) four or five simple addition and subtraction questions while trying to slap their hands before they pull away. Do this and then trade roles so each person gets to be the slapper and the slapee. Once both people have experienced the challenge of attempting math while under attack, we will discuss the results.
Processing Procedures : Explore the following: Ask, “How many of you were able to successfully do math while under attack?” Take comments from participants.
Explain that this activity is a powerful reminder that none of us will ever do our best work while under attack, and we never even have to slap the person for them to know that we are a threat. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 168 of 356
The game is the set up. This is another piece of our cultural conditioning that interferes with our magnificence: persecution; of others, and ourselves. In a world that emphasizes competition, judgment, criticism and fear of difference, we have created an environment that is not conducive to the best work of anyone involved. Other themes to explore include:
Feeling Good About Ourselves: It will make sense to practice feeling really good about who we are on our way to believing it. When we come from a place that is deeply confident about our goodness as human beings, we have the strength to face up to the ways we are not our best selves, without self-persecution or defensiveness. When we feel truly good about whom we are, we reduce our participation in self-pity parties, efforts to prove how good we are, and obsessions about what others will think of us. This saves an amazing amount of wasted time and energy that we can redirect toward making a difference in the world!
Feeling good about yourself is the best place from which to grow. Without it, it is too easy to shut down to the inhumanity that exists in the world, to be defensive about what feels like an inability to make real change in the world, and to be sucked into judgment instead of deepening the massive compassion needed to solve current world problems.
Self Attacks: The environment we spend the most time in is our internal environment (inside our own heads). So if we are doing things that are self-attacking we are inhibiting ourselves from doing our best work. It is extremely useful to learn to end negative, critical, demeaning self-talk and replace it with self-talk that is supportive and empowering. One thing that would surely impact our efforts to make the world a better place would be for everyone to learn to unconditionally love himself or herself. When we are at peace with ourselves, we have no need to judge, criticize or demean others.
Potential Processing Questions: In what ways do you feel under attack from the external world? From your internal world? Are there things that you could do better if you didn’t feel under attack or pressured by external or www.MarilynLevin.com Page 169 of 356
internal forces? Are there ways you create an environment that feels attacking to others? If so, how? Are there steps you would consider taking to change any of this? If so, what?
Activity adapted by Marilyn Levin, www.marilynlevin.com from Gary Hollander Enterprises www.garyhollander.com
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LIGHT AND LIVELY ACTIVITIES
Potential use: Here are a variety of playful things to do to break the ice and increase the fun in a group The most common way I use these is to frame them as playfulness challenges. I introduce them by emphasizing the importance of hanging on to childlike ZEST for life and remembering the healing impact of laughter and play.
Variations: New Song: Learn and sing a song in a non-native language.
Time Warp: Dance the Time Warp from the movie Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Superstar: Do an imitation of the Saturday Night Live Character Mary Katherine Gallagher. She is also the star of the movie “Superstar.”
Booty Writing Charades: Booty writing is writing in the air with your butt.
Sing camp songs: No explanations needed.
Balloon Games: My favorite is to pop them in hugs between people. However make sure no one has a latex allergy before bringing out the balloons.
Macarena: The person in middle of circle does a dance move and the group copies it until someone relieves them in the middle and does a new move to be copied by the group. Encourage people to practice going outside cultural norms and not worrying what others might think of them. You can have them focus on dancing in embarrassing ways or on using different cultural styles of dance. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 171 of 356
The Wave: Have the group do “the wave” that audiences do at sporting events. Do it in as many creative ways as they can think of.
Celebrations: Create celebrations between two or more people (i.e. special handshake, hug or greeting, or dance moves).
Shimmy Body Parts: Participants shimmy shoulders, butt, whole body or any part.
Flash Dance: Shout out a dance move and all dance that move until the next move is shouted out.
Greetings: Greet others like a long lost loved one, or a two year old you love, or your favorite pet after a long absence.
Animal Toss Gauntlet: Remove anything from stuffed animals, which would hurt if it was thrown hard at someone. Have the group create a gauntlet by lining up facing each other in two lines. Have participants take turns running through this gauntlet of love while being showered with stuffed animals that represent the affection
LOL: Designate person to do a laugh and others imitate, then move to a new person and a new laugh.
Butt Bumpers: You stand back to back, and on the count of three try to use your butt to throw the other person off balance. (Thanks to fellow gymnast Will Marble for this one).
Butt Tag: A phenomenal cardio workout! Play in pairs or in a free for all. You get a point every time you touch someone’s butt.
Massage: Do a massage of appropriate body parts in pairs, in a circle, in a line or two to four on one. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 172 of 356
Slow dance in small groups: Too intimate for most groups but very powerful for the right group. Choose great music. My favorite song is At Last by Celine Dion.
Concerns: Note that some of these activities are NOT appropriate for all groups. Use discretion especially when it involves increased physical contact. Make sure that the group is emotionally safe before asking people to do things that will be embarrassing. Most of these can be adapted to increase emotional safety by having everyone close their eyes so that others can’t see what is going on.
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LISTENING PAIRS ACTIVITY
Potential use: Listening Pairs is a very valuable tool. It can be used in a variety of ways including:
Processing: Helping participants think about a topic or an experience before (or instead of) sharing about it with a group of people.
Cultural Difference: Giving people a different cultural way of communicating to notice how it feels to go outside of your norms.
Attention: Providing quality attention to participants so they can feel heard and offering a chance to develop the art of listening well.
Feelings: Creating a safe place for offloading emotional baggage or being cared about while we show the places where we struggle.
Facilitation Procedures: Have participants find a partner. Explain that they are about to learn the tool of listening pairs. Explain that one person in the pair will be the listener and the other will be the talker. The listener only listens and the talker talks or is silent or just enjoys the attention from the listener if they run out of something to say. The talker is not allowed to ask questions or offer feedback or advice – they ONLY listen. The listener remains relaxed and projects a calm confidence that the talker is a good person who is capable of figuring out anything they need to figure out. The facilitator times this process and tells the pairs when to switch roles (and to thank their listener when they are finished talking). Each person while in their listener role needs to remember that they may not comment on anything the person talked about during their time to talk or afterwards unless they get permission to do so first. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 174 of 356
Time Frames: A good length of time is usually two to four minutes each way within a pair, but even one minute each way can be worth doing. As groups become more familiar with this tool you can increase the time in order to delve more deeply into a topic. Be aware through that listening pairs that are longer than seven or eight minutes can feel uncomfortable for many people. As the familiarity in using this tool and the safety in the group increases, you can have groups evolve into going as long as fifteen or twenty minutes each way. Though the longer the time frame and the safer the group the more intense the sharing and feelings can become.
Role of the Listener: The listener should be relaxed and confident that the talker is offloading their feelings and is an intelligent and good person who can figure out how to solve their own problems. Listen with rapt attention – really focus!
Role of the Talker: Try to let go of feeling bad about anything that comes up for you. Remember that your listener thinks well of you and has confidence in you. Remember that you are clearing out and offloading what you need to get rid of and reinforcing what you need to remember.
Great Questions to explore in Listening Pairs include: • What feelings interfere with me moving forward on this issue? • What feelings get in the way of me being my most fabulous around this? • What feelings keep me from being my very best self here? • How can I develop support in my life to offload these feelings and reclaim my passion and power to make a difference? • What would have to shift in ME for me to experience my work as a joy and a privilege most of the time? • What are the feelings that interfere with me being powerful in my life? • What feeling, belief, struggle, distress, etc. do I need to set aside today to contribute to this endeavor to my fullest capacity? • What do I need from this group of people to feel fully supported?
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Processing Themes: Clearing versus Hanging on: There is a difference between clearing out or offloading the thoughts and feelings and perspective we share in our listening pairs and hanging on to them in our listening pairs. For those feelings, thoughts and perspectives that don’t serve us well in life, we want to practice learning to release them, clear them or offload them in the listening pairs. With this, we can start to retrain ourselves to spend less and less of our energies focused on the things we want to clear out and more and more time focused how to flourish.
Sharing the Struggle: We have the need to speak our experience and our truth, to be heard and have aware witnesses to the struggles and pain that has come from living in an oppressive culture. When we speak from this place to create release and healing we need to be able to do with complete freedom of expression, without the need to make sense or be kind or be in touch with our best selves. We need spaces where we can offload and clear out the emotional baggage of being taught to judge and hate and surrender parts of our humanity. We need compassionate, loving people to witness this healing while remaining clear about our goodness, our power and our capacity to heal. Each of us needs ongoing support to heal the oppressed and the oppressor within.
Accessing Our Thinking: One purpose of the listening partnership is to offload frustrations and feelings and concerns that inhibit us from effectively handling things. If we think of times in our lives when we were flooded with intense emotions we can remember that during that crisis our thinking was not very clear. When we are flooded with emotions it clouds our thinking. And since we live in a culture that values emotional control and not emotional flow, many of us are severely limited in being able to offload old emotional baggage even when it continues to interfere with our lives in huge ways.
Facilitator Note: You can explore the role of eye contact in the activity. Make the point that eye contact is not a sign of respect in every culture. An example is that many Asian cultures view direct eye contact as a sign of disrespect. I like to tell the story about a friend of mine named Kiyoko Fiedler who www.MarilynLevin.com Page 176 of 356
has an Austrian-American father and a Japanese-American Mother and when they were both mad at her, the father would say, “Look at me when I’m talking to you.” The mother would be saying, “Don’t look at me when I’m talking to you.” It can be useful to remember that things have different meanings in different cultures.
Variations on Topics: Sufficiency: Focus on cherishing how amazing your life is; noticing how much you are enough, appreciating all that you have that enriches your life. During your time to talk, relish in the amazing enoughness of your life. Cherish everything in your life that is of value to you – people, places, things, talents, traits, experiences, challenges that have taught you something – the list is endless. You get bonus points for allowing yourself to be moved to tears of joy.
Scarcity: Focus on the cost (or impact) of scarcity in your life or in our world.
Stereotypes: Identify your areas of privilege (or areas of marginalization) and explore stereotypes, judgments and misinformation people would have about you. Do this as a whole person or do it with a focus on a particular identity.
Emotions: Explore the answer to this question - Why do we believe that medicating our depression and anxiety is better than facing and healing from our deepest fear and sorrows?
Separation: Facilitator make the statement “Consider the possibility that what I am about to say to you is true – That the only thing that needs to be healed is our sense of separation”. Have participants do a listening pair on their reaction to this statement. Then have them create one (or more) examples of something they can do (or will commit to do) to heal their sense of separation (Thanks to Lea Arellano for this variation). Or explore this question - Why do we settle for being separated from, and in judgment of, people who are different from us instead of fighting for the deep human closeness that is our birthright?
Self-Talk Loud Speaker: Focus on your negative self talk so you can really notice it and its impact on you. All too often our self-talk is cranky, negative, bossy, rigid, hopeless and in victim mode. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 177 of 356
Once the majority of our self-talk is hopeful, flexible, empowering, loving and joyful – our experience of life will be as well.
Listening Quality: Do listening pairs first where listener is totally not listening, then when listener is trying to listen but is distracted by physical or emotional pain, then when listener is listening with complete attention. This demonstrates the powerful impact of quality listening.
Prejudice: Focus on how a person you love has suffered from bias, prejudice, and oppression. Then focus on a group of people you have bias against or have treated with prejudice. Focus on given your identities, what biases, prejudices and stereotypes might someone have about you. Focus on what do you never want to hear or have happen to someone you care about (re-bias, etc.) or focus on this for yourself.
Practice Reactions: Use listening pairs to practice tough situations that you don’t want to face. Use your listener to practice before you try to deal with the real thing. Choose situations where you tend to freeze or not know what to do. Try all kinds of approaches in your listening time and offload feelings that interfere with you knowing you can handle this! (Thanks to Lea Arellano for this variation).
The tool of using of Listening Pairs comes from many practices. The basis for this activity is taken from Re-Evaluation Counseling. See www.rc.org for more.
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LITTLE SALLY WALKER ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity helps to create an environment where people can be more playful than they are normally allowed to be as "appropriate adults."
Facilitation Procedures: Begin this activity by having your group form a circle. The facilitator begins in the middle of the circle. The facilitator should take the group through the song line by line. Having them repeat the song so they become familiar with it.
The lines to the song are as follows: Little Sally Walker walking down the street; She didn’t know what to do so she jumped in front of me; She said go girl, go girl, shake that thing, shake that thing; Go girl, go girl, shake that thing, stop; S.T.O.P. spells stop.
The facilitator should then demonstrate by being the first participant to stand in the circle and sing the song, along with everyone. When the group gets to the line, “she jumped in front of me,” the person in the center moves to face, someone in the circle.
The person in the middle then begins to dance, and the person on the outside of the circle must copy their dance moves, this goes on while the group sings, “ she said go girl, go girl, shake that thing, shake that thing; go girl, go girl, shake that thing, stop.”
Then while the group says, “ S.T.O.P . spells stop,” the person in the middle covers their eyes, points with their hand out toward the circle and twirls around. Whoever is pointed to when the song comes to an end is the next person to be in the middle of the circle. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 179 of 356
Continue until all group members have had a turn or when time runs out. When a male is in the center you can substitute little Sammy Walker. When a person who has already been in the middle is selected they should pick someone who hasn’t had a turn to take their place in the middle.
Processing Procedures: This activity can help us explore how much pressure there is to fit into the norms of the culture. Our cultural conditioning generally teaches us to avoid looking foolish or silly at all costs. So in the case of this chance to dance, many participants struggle to show their moves without fear of embarrassment.
In groups where there is a high degree of fear about looking silly, I use this activity to remind participants what it can feel like for people who are marginalized in our culture to adjust to living within the cultural norms that are unfamiliar or uncomfortable to them.
If you think that your group will have some trouble with the playfulness of this activity, it will be useful for you to really ham it up when demonstrating the activity so people know to release their worries about dancing “properly” take a chance with silly, fun dance moves that will bring the most laughs.
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MEDITATION
Potential use: This activity is to help participants learn about different ways to meditate.
Preparation: You will want to be in a place where the needs of each method can be accommodated (i.e. quiet, room to walk).
Facilitation Procedures: Review the different types of meditation and where feasible walk participants through trying them out.
Types of Meditative Techniques There are many different ways to meditate. This is not an exhaustive list, but it can give you some types to try. Over time you can discover the ways that works well for you. No need to limit yourself to one technique. Use all that work for you. (Source - http://stress.about.com/od/lowstresslifestyle/a/meditation.htm )
• Basic Meditation Techniques: This involves sitting in a comfortable position and just trying to quiet your mind by thinking of nothing. It’s not always easy to do this if you don’t have practice with it, but a good way to begin is to think of yourself as an “observer of your thoughts,” just noticing what the narrative voice in your head says, but not engaging it. As thoughts materialize in your mind, you just let them go. That’s the basic idea.
• Focused Meditation Techniques: With this technique, you focus on something intently, but don’t engage your thoughts about it. You can focus on something visual, like a statue; something auditory, like a metronome or tape of ocean waves; something constant, like your own breathing or a simple concept, like “unconditional compassion.” Some people find it easier www.MarilynLevin.com Page 181 of 356
to do this than to focus on nothing, but the idea is the same: staying in the present moment and circumventing the constant stream of commentary from your conscious mind, and allowing yourself to slip into an altered state of consciousness.
• Activity-Oriented Meditation Techniques: With this type of meditation, you engage in a repetitive activity, or one where you can get “in the zone” and experience “flow”. Again this quiets the mind, and allows your brain to shift. Activities like gardening, creating artwork, or practicing yoga can all be effective forms of meditation.
• Mindfulness Techniques: Mindfulness can be a form of meditation that, like activity-oriented meditation, doesn’t really look like meditation. It simply involved staying in the present moment rather than thinking about the future or the past. (Again, this is more difficult than it seems!) Focusing on sensations you feel in your body is one way to stay “in the now”; focusing on emotions and where you feel them in your body (not examining why you feel them, but just experiencing them as sensations) is another.
• Spiritual Meditating: Meditation can also be a spiritual practice. Many people experience meditation as a form of prayer—the form where God speaks, rather than just listening. That’s right; many people experience ‘guidance’ or inner wisdom once the mind is quiet, and meditate for this purpose. You can meditate on a singular question until an answer comes (though some would say this is engaging your thinking mind too much), or meditate to clear their mind and accept whatever comes that day.
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MENAGERIE CARD GAME ACTIVITY
Potential use: This is the most hilarious card game I know. It has been played many a night at Association for Experiential Education Conferences over the years. It can be a name game, an icebreaker or even be used to explore a topic.
Preparation: Deal out all cards to everyone playing (as evenly as possible). You will need one deck per every four people playing. This works best for eight or fewer players. Players should hold cards stacked face down in their hands. Then, have each person go around and pick their noise or move or statement, etc. depending on the variation used. The original version involves choosing a two syllable animal noise like moo moo, woof woof, tweet tweet, etc. Once every one knows what each other’s noises are, the game can begin.
Facilitation Procedures: The designated counter says “ready go” and everyone turns over a card face up so everyone else can see. Players who match cards (numbers) try to be the first to call out the other matching players’ animal noise. The winner gets to give all the cards in their stack to the other player. If there is a tie in calling out sounds each person keeps their own cards. The designated counter continues to say “ready go” and all players turn over a card and place it on top of their discard stack. If there are no matches the counter just continues with “ready go” again. When players run out of cards in their hand, they take their stack of cards (face up on the table), shuffle them quickly and get back in the game. Whoever is completely out of cards first, wins. You can continue on to play for second and third place if desired or stop when the first person is out of cards.
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Variations: If you are only playing with three or four people and matches aren’t coming up fast enough, you can match suits (clubs, hearts, etc.) instead of numbers.
There are a few variations that you can use for fun. You can use almost anything in place of the animal sounds. Examples include:
Names: Make it a name game
Dance moves: Actually demonstrate the dance moves rather than calling out the name of the dance move
Greeting Gestures: Again act out the gestures
Positive adjectives attached to a name: (i.e. Magnificent Mark)
Famous people in different categories: (i.e. African Americans, People working for peace, Women)
Special: For specialized groups (like health educators or HIV prevention educators) you can use noises you might make in romantic encounters. This is incredibly funny. Be prepared for potential of mass urinary incontinence.
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MIND POWER ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity is a reminder that we have amazing hidden capacities. When we are grounded in the reality that we have the capacity to do things we don’t yet know we can do, so much more is possible than ever before.
Preparation: You will need one-quarter inch flat metal washer and a fifteen-inch string for each person. Tie one end of the string through the hole of the washer.
Facilitation Procedures:
Instructions for Participants: Everyone should have a washer that is tied to a string. Please hold the string out in front of you about level with your forehead. Now, hold still the washer at the end of the string with your free hand. By using your focus and concentration look at the washer and see if you can get it to move side to side while keeping your hand as still as humanly possible. Once you’ve succeeded at this, try making the washer move front to back. When you are ready for the next step try to get the washer to move clockwise in a circle or counter clockwise.
Processing Theme In the movie Phenomenon, George Maly, who is dying of a brain tumor that has caused him to discover what we would call "special powers," is asked by his best friend to explain the meaning of life. His answer to his friend is that he already knows it! He says "everything we need is already in us, we just need to clear away the crud it is buried under… love is buried under fear, partnership is buried under competition and compassion is buried under greed”. Much of being effective in life is about clearing away whatever is in the way of your capacity to access your true www.MarilynLevin.com Page 185 of 356
self - someone who is good, powerful, smart and connected to others. We can then assist others in doing so as well.
Variation: This can be done with your eyes closed. It takes more concentration but it works. If you have participants with visual impairments, have someone pair up with them and let them know when the washer is moving. You can also pair up any group of participants and have them take turns trying it with their eyes closed while the other one watches to report when it is working.
More Extensive Instructions from “Activities that Teach” by Jackson: Have participants hold the string up in front of their face so that the washer hangs about six inches away from their eyes. This position will make it look like they are going to try to hypnotize themselves. Arms, elbows and hands must not be touching anything such as a desk or a chair. Now have them stop the washer from swinging by using their other hand to stop its motion. Tell them that they are going to make the washer start to swing by using their eyes. Have them focus their eyes on the washer and start to move their eyes back and forth while holding their hand still. While they are doing this you should be slowly saying "left to right, left to right". Repeat this phrase over and over again until their washers start to swing back and forth.
If you want to really amaze them, change the commands to "front to back, front to back, front to back". Tell them to move their eyes up and down while watching the washer. The washer will slowly change directions and start moving front to back. Now change the command to "around and around". Have them move their eyes in a circle and watch the washer. It will slowly start moving in a circle.
This is not magic. Most participants will be able to control the washer to some degree. Much of it depends on their concentration and how easily distracted they are. The reason that this exercise works is the mind sends messages to the hand to move the washer in the same direction as the commands you are saying. Those individuals with "fine motor skills" will be able to have it respond best. Those with less well developed fine motor skills or little concentration will see little or no movement. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 186 of 356
Adapted by Marilyn Levin www.marilynlevin.com from Activities That Teach pgs. 164-166. Jackson, T. (1993). Activities that teach . New York: Red Rock Publishing.
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MY ONE WILD AND PRECIOUS LIFE
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one, wild and precious life?” - M. Oliver
The Dalai Lama’s Answer:
“May I become at all times, both now and forever, a protector for those without protection, a guide for those who have lost their way, a ship for those with oceans to cross, a bridge for those with rivers to cross, a sanctuary for those in danger, a lamp for those who need light, a place of refuge for those needing shelter and a servant to all those in need.”
Mother Teresa’s Answer:
“Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier. Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work. I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world. We are all pencils in the hand of God.”
Marianne Williamson’s Answer:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God (Universe). Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 188 of 356
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
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Fill in Your Answer using the form below.
What I Plan to do with My One Wild and Precious Life :
______
Post some place where you can see this on a daily basis.
Share this with others in your life.
Use it to inspire yourself!
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PAIRS TAG ACTIVITY
Potential use: The focus of this activity is to explore topics like honesty, rule breaking and setting people up to fail.
Facilitation Procedures: Have people get into pairs and explain that each pair should pick one person to start as “it.” Explain that they will play tag with only the other person in the pair. Explain that, once tagged, participants must put their hand on their head and turn around twice before they can go after their partner. Let them know that if this will make them throw up, they should not do it and do something else in its place, like two jumping jacks. Explain the rules of the activity. There is no running. You can only be in physical contact with the person in your pair and with the floor (not other people or items in the environment).
Before starting the tag game say, “we’ll play for a short time and to end the game I will count down from ten to zero. At zero you do not want to be “it.” Then clarify any questions and let the playing commence. You want some of the rules to be broken. Groups will usually break rules from early on but if your group is not breaking rules by the time you count down, do so slowly and remind them they do not want to be “it!” This will get at least a few folks running and bumping into others.
Processing Procedure: Circle people up and say “raise your hand if you saw rules being broken.” And then “raise your hand if you broke a rule.” Then ask, “What rules were broken?” and take comments from the group. You can explain that the point of the activity was to set the participants up so that they would struggle to honor the rules. We can use what happened in the activity to explore topics like honesty, rule breaking and setting people up to fail. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 191 of 356
Processing Themes: Honesty and Rules: How do we decide which rules to break and which ones not to break? Are there times when it makes sense to break rules? If so, when? How honest are we in life? How important is honesty? Are there times when it is appropriate to be dishonest? If so, when?
The issues of honesty and abiding by rules come up when dealing with injustice and diversity. With unjust laws, practices and norms, there will be times ethically when it is moral to be dishonest and to break rules, laws and customs. Navigating these decisions can be tricky and there are no easy answers. It is useful to search your conscience, consult with others for a variety of perspectives and make the best decision you can. Doing so with the knowledge that there is not usually a right answer for these dilemmas, just the best guess about what makes sense given all of the considerations.
Setting People Up to Fail: There is a wealth of potential processing around setting people up to fail on issues of injustice. The whole system pits people against each other and confuses us around how to support each other.
How do we set others up to fail? How do we set ourselves up to fail? What are examples of ways we set others or ourselves up to fail? What can we do to stop doing this to others and ourselves?
Nurturing Our Allies: Are there ways that we set up our allies? What do these look like? How can we stop doing this? How does Internalized Oppression impact setting ourselves up? What does this look like? How can we unlearn this practice?
Facilitator Resources: • See the Cultural Conditioning of the System of Oppression and Transforming the Systems of Oppression Chapters. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 192 of 356
• See Amazing Allies section in Reclaiming Our Humanity Chapter and Amazing Allies Handout.
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PERSPECTIVE ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity demonstrates the power of perspective. This activity is ideal to use as an introduction to other activities where you want to encourage people to be open to exploring other’s perspectives, beliefs and ideas. For example, using the perspective activity prior to the Take a Stand Activity.
Facilitation Procedures: Instructions for Participants: Let’s consider some of the cultural conditioning that interferes with our ability to come at life and respond to others from the very best of who we are. Hold your hand as high in the air as you can with your finger pointed at the ceiling and draw a clockwise circle with this finger in the air. Now continue drawing this clockwise circle in the air with your finger pointed toward the ceiling and slowly bring your hand down to the point where you are circling at the level of your stomach. Look down and notice that the circle is now going counter clockwise. So what happened? Your perspective shifted, the circle’s direction did not. The first thing that we must understand is that there is not one reality – only perspectives on reality.
Processing Themes: Deepak Chopra explains that there is no such thing as reality that is independent of who perceives the reality. Take a flower for instance. Human beings (who have sight) visually perceive the color and texture of the flower. A bee will not see the flower in the same way humans do. It will experience the flower as ultraviolet wavelengths. A bat will have yet another perception of the reality of a flower as the echo of ultrasound. So whose reality is accurate? All of these and more are completely accurate depending on who is doing the perceiving of the reality.
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So we constrain ourselves when we decide our perspectives are the right ones, when we limit our access to a broad range of wisdom and when we fail to embrace multiple ways of knowing and being. Certainly, if history is any indication, parts of what we now KNOW to be true or fact will turn out to be incomplete, inaccurate or just plain wrong. So it can be useful to loosen our grip on what we KNOW to be true and be open to wisdom that differs from ours. We are allowed to remember that we are most often not aware of the paradigms we function within. It is a lot like trying to explain the reality of a world that is orange without noticing that we have on orange glasses.
It will be essential to use the wisdom of all cultures (including the ones that seem wrong to us) and to respect our inter-connectedness to solve the problems of our time in this global community. This will require that we learn to create space for embracing what will seem to be mutually exclusive beliefs and practices. Learning to hold multiple, seemingly conflicting truths is an essential skill to coexist in a global world.
Processing Questions: How open to others perspectives do you think you are? How open do you think others are to your perspectives? If there is a big difference between these two is it that you are more open minded than most or are you less open-minded than you think? How hard would it be for you to change your perspective on some of your most deeply held beliefs or positions? What would it take to change your mind? What are some things that we used to believe a long time ago that we now know are not true? What might we believe now that later on we will discover is not accurate?
Facilitator Resources:
• See Cultural Conditioning Chapter for more content.
• See the following activity descriptions for more activities with this theme: 100 Year Activity Redefinition activity www.MarilynLevin.com Page 195 of 356
POLARIZATION ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity can be used to explore the damages of participating in polarization and the benefits of ending our participation.
Facilitation Procedures:
Instructions for Participants: Another piece of our cultural conditioning, which interferes with our ability to be our most amazing as a human community, is polarization. Try this visualization activity with me. Relax and think of someone you really love, someone who is a joy to be around, someone who makes you feel wonderful. Think of a time when you were together that was memorable. Take a minute to get present to what this is like for you emotionally and physically. Notice what feelings and body sensations are present.
Now think of someone you dislike or even hate, someone who makes you angry, someone whose values and behavior make you sick, someone who causes an intense negative reaction when you are around them. Take a minute to get present to what this is like for you emotionally and physically. Notice what feelings and body sensations are present.
The point of this exercise is to remind us that our judgment and hatred of others is damaging to us (not to those who are the objects of our displeasure). It is like swallowing poison and expecting it to hurt our enemies. It also reminds us that the love we feel for others can be a great healing force in our lives. If we can rethink and reframe our relationship to our adversaries and enemies, we can see that our participation in fueling hatred is damaging to us. Our efforts to find love for our enemies can be healing to us.
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Processing Themes/Questions: It will be productive for us to disengage in the polarization that has become such a way of life. Each time we vilify those who do not share our point of view; we actually increase their power and expand the divide between them and us. We can ask ourselves, “Am I fueling the polarization between red and blue states? Am I making those who disagree with me wrong and evil for their beliefs? Or am I building bridges of understanding between people who would consider me an adversary or whom I would consider an enemy? Am I reaching out across any and all divides in my life to reclaim the bond that all human beings share? Am I striving to communicate and behave in ways that help everyone on the planet access their shared humanity?”
How much of our energy is focused on judging and being displeased with others? How much of our energy is focused on loving and caring for others? How might our lives be different if we increased our focus on love and decreased our focus on hate? Are there ways in our lives that we are trying to reach across differences or heal polarizations? How can we start, if we are not already doing this, or increase our efforts if we are already doing so?
Self Attacks: It is very useful to unlearn the practice of polarization because the same skills and energy we use to direct judgment and criticism at others, is what we direct inward in self-doubt and attacks.
Health Costs: There are physical and mental health costs to participating in polarization. What physical and mental issues of ours might be partially a result of polarization (any stress related problems would qualify)? Are these health costs worth it?
Our World: We are unlikely to successfully address the global crisis we are currently facing with the degree of polarization that exists in the world today. What commitments are you willing to make in ending your participation in polarization? www.MarilynLevin.com Page 197 of 356
RESISTANCE , COOPERATION , COLLABORATION ACTIVITY
Potential use: Explore how the system of oppression impacts resistance, cooperation and collaboration. Cover things like power differentials; internalized oppression, privilege, emotional baggage and cultural conditioning that interfere with creating a world that works for everyone. This activity is designed to illuminate three specific styles of joint participation, followed by discussion inspired by the feelings that these styles trigger in each of us.
Facilitation Procedures: Have everyone choose a partner and stand facing their partner. Partners should clasp their hands together by interlocking fingers. Choose one person to be the lead and instruct the other person to physically resist the movements. The lead should attempt to move the pair’s arms in any way they like (that doesn’t cause harm) for about thirty seconds. Ask them to switch roles. Explain that this represents resistance.
Next, maintaining the same position (facing partner with hands clasped) chooses one person to be the lead and instruct the other person to be physically passive and allow the movements. Again, allow about thirty seconds, and then have them switch roles. Explain that this represents cooperation.
Finally, have them maintain the same position and explain that no one should lead or resist the effort. They should attempt to move together. Allow for a minute or two as the sudden collaboration may inspire some fun choreography. Explain that the final activity represents collaboration.
Processing Procedures : Ask the group how the activity went for them and what emotions each style triggered. Ask why they think people resist (misinformation, sabotage, personality conflicts, etc.). Discuss different www.MarilynLevin.com Page 198 of 356
reasons that people cooperate (outside pressure, just don’t care, trust the leader, etc.). Focus on how it felt to collaborate. Point out that you get synergy from both people being invested in what is happening. Ask if they can identify ways that they force people to cooperate or resist when, in actuality, they want people to collaborate.
Many of us contribute important work in the world. And most of that work requires us to work with other people to accomplish tasks or make progress. In addition, we are frequently asked to assist others, perhaps on work groups, joint projects, special assignments or volunteer positions. The manner in which we work together contributes greatly to both the quantity and quality of our output.
Adapted by Bobbi L. Beale, Psy.D. [email protected]
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SOUND CONDUCTOR ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity is primarily an icebreaker. The purpose is to have fun and loosen people up.
Facilitation Procedures: The facilitator stands in middle of a circle of participants. Have each participant come up with a sound (see types below) and then share it with the entire group one by one. Then the facilitator acts as the “conductor” of this sound orchestra by pointing to people in the circle to make their sound. Facilitator will sometimes point to the same person repeatedly or go back and forth between some of the favorite sounds to make the “music” as humorous as possible. The facilitator should make a point to fully include every participant in the sound orchestra.
Types of sounds: Celebratory sounds: This can come toward the end of an activity or workshop.
Funny sounds: Can be used as an energizer at any time.
Amazing Ally sounds: A celebratory sound that comes from being in touch with your innermost amazing ally.
Romantic sounds: Not appropriate for most groups, but can be very fun for the right group (i.e. adult health educators).
Processing Procedures : www.MarilynLevin.com Page 200 of 356
Because the purpose of the activity is to have fun and loosen people up, it is usually not processed. If you want to process, however, the focus can be on how important and healing laughter can be toward helping participants stay hopeful and energized.
Variations: A “Negative Self Talk” version can be a fun way to get at the problem of internal self- persecution. The facilitator needs to do background work on this topic before and after playing this version where participants verbalize their negative self talk when pointed to. The background work needs to prepare the facilitator to support participants in understanding where negative self-talk comes from and how to begin dealing with it effectively.
Created by: Brian Juchems [email protected] , variation by Marilyn Levin, www.marilynlevin.com
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THUMB WRESTLING ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity explores our cultural conditioning around competition.
Facilitation Procedures: Have participants get into the thumb wrestling position with someone next to them and wait for instructions.
Explain to participants that there are two things to know:
#1: How to score a point (gently pin someone’s thumb down - explain that this is a non-violent activity and make a joke about no nail marks, hair pulling or biting).
#2: The object of the activity is for everyone to get as many points as possible.
Repeat these two things if needed. Then explain that they need to keep track of their individual points.
Then say, ready, go. Let them play for a few minutes until you see some people are cooperating (letting each other score points) and some are competing. You should end the game when there are still some people competing.
Then you say stop put your thumbs down. Find out how many points people scored. In a small crowd of fifteen or less, you can go to individual people and find out how many points they got. In the larger groups you'll want to say, now raise your hands if you got ten or fewer points. That will probably be the majority of everyone present. Then you say if you got eleven to twenty-five points, raise your hands, and finally twenty-six or more. Ask the twenty-six or more group how many they got. People will wonder what happened - did groups cheat? www.MarilynLevin.com Page 202 of 356
Then you can say, “It is obvious that the groups who got twenty-six or more points did something different than most groups.” Then have a group who each scored twenty-six or more points demonstrate their technique to the group. At this point things become visually obvious to the participants. Ask, why would they have done the activity this way? People then begin to remember that the point was for everyone to get as many points as possible.
You then explain, “What we did here was put you in a competitive environment and give you a cooperative goal. And even though we are probably some of the more cooperative people around, this activity demonstrates that most of us will be drawn toward competition by habit, even when cooperation would get both parties more of what they want. We all live in a very competitive society. It is unfortunate that even when competition isn’t the best approach, we end up using it. Because the cultural conditioning is so strong, we need to make a conscious effort to notice when we fall into the habit of competing and ask ourselves is there a win-win solution here that I am not yet seeing?
Processing Themes: Scarcity: There was an unlimited amount of points to go around in this activity, but most of us get stuck in the mindset of scarcity because of our training in competitiveness. We are taught to focus on personal gain more than on mutual benefit. We are trained to believe that there is an "us versus them" reality, that there is not enough to go around, that more, is better and that we should resign ourselves to accepting this. In Lynne Twists book, The Soul of Money , she examines these lies of scarcity and invites us to experience the gift of sufficiency. Sufficiency is the perfect place of enough resources to thrive.
Because of this mindset of scarcity, most of us go through life making decisions on money by default, following along with the culture of materialism, thinking this will lead to happiness, since most of the messages we get tell us this is the only way. Choosing to become conscious about our relationship with money and make the initially tough decisions to let go of the superficial promises of fulfillment from material things, leads us to a deeper sense of wholeness, power and hope than we could have imagined before. When we begin to transform our lives in www.MarilynLevin.com Page 203 of 356
order to be known for what we allocate and generate, we let go of the need to over accumulate material possessions and instead accumulate a deep sense of fulfillment and worth.
Competitiveness: Our over emphasis on competitiveness has us falling into the habit of competing even when we would gain more from a cooperative approach. We also misapply competition by using it in ways that are detrimental to our relationships and our lives, like becoming addicted to winning at all costs and by putting competition and winning above the wellbeing of our relationships.
What if we decided to compete in a way that was uplifting and empowering to all participants? What if we redirected our need for success that brings power over people, material excess and harm to others and took on humanities largest, toughest challenges?
Facilitator Resources: • See Transforming Separation into Connection Chapter for more content. • See the Tips for Transforming Conflict for handout. • See Tug of War Activity for more on this theme. • Read The Soul of Money by Lynn Twist for much more related content. • Visit Global Sufficiency Network www.globalsufficiency.org • See Transforming Scarcity into Sufficiency Chapter and handout. • See Scarcity to Sufficiency Activity.
Variations: Cross the Line: If you’ve already done thumb wrestling with a group you can make the same point again with this activity. Have participants pair up and stand across from each other. Have them draw an imaginary line on the ground between the two of them. Now tell them that all they need to know is that the person who gets the other person to cross their line is the winner. Some people use force or manipulation but some people agree to both cross over and both win.
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Rock Paper Scissors: If your group still needs an insight around competitiveness you can play Rock Paper Scissors. Just set it up with the goal being for everyone to get as many points as possible.
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TOUCH SOMEONE ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity enables people to express appreciations, increasing connections and sense of respect and caring within a group of people.
Preparation: Decide ahead of time how many people at a time you will bring into the middle to do the touching and how many statements you will read for each round, based on the size of your group and how much time you have. For example, a group of twenty participants can be divided into five rounds, with four different people “touching” for each round.
Facilitation Procedure: Start the activity by having participants sit in a circle. Once the activity begins everyone will close their eyes remaining silent. The only exception to this is that participants need to have their eyes open when being selected as a “toucher” for the next round of “Touch Someone”. When called upon to come to the middle of the circle, their job is to listen to the statement being read and touch those people sitting in the circle who come to mind. In other words, the person will touch all those people for whom the statement applies. During each round, those seated in the circle (i.e.“receivers”) are asked to keep their eyes closed, refrain from making sounds, and notice what it feels like to be touched.
Begin the activity with everyone sitting with his or her eyes closed. The facilitator states that he/she will touch some people now and when they are touched they should come to the middle of the circle. Remind everyone that if they are not touched right now to keep their eyes closed and remain seated and quiet. Then read off a statement saying: “Touch someone who…” and fill in the statement “is a good role model.” See the attached list of example statements. Allow time for people in the middle to touch a number of people, and then move to the next www.MarilynLevin.com Page 206 of 356
statement. After the round has been completed, ask those participants who just provided the touching to return to their seats and close their eyes. Remind others sitting in a circle to keep their eyes closed as well. Then repeat the process by selecting a new group of people to do the touching until all participants have had a chance to be in the middle.
Possible Activity Introductions to read to group: Appreciation Focus: We are now going to engage in an activity that will strengthen your skills in the art of appreciation and acknowledgement. In a culture that gives us extensive training in judgment and criticism, it can change our lives to focus instead on building skills to empower ourselves as well as others. We will almost always have more success when we praise, encourage and inspire others toward their greatness as opposed to criticizing or admonishing them for their shortcomings. During “Touch Someone” please relax and remain open to all of the feelings the activity brings up for you.
Social Justice Focus: We are now going to engage in an activity that will strengthen your skills in the art of appreciation and acknowledgement, one of the most powerful tools that exist, for social transformation. We will almost always have more success when we praise, encourage and inspire others toward their greatness as opposed to criticizing or admonishing them for their shortcomings. Our cultural bias of overvaluing emotional control and undervaluing emotional flow can block us from healing fully from feelings of rage and broken heartedness attached to injustices in the world. This effort to suppress and deny our deepest sorrows ends up blocking our deepest joys and passions and connections to other human beings. During “Touch Someone” please relax and remain open to all of the feelings the activity brings up for you. Let yourself be inspired, let yourself be moved, let yourself be open to the courage, the perseverance, and the love that human beings demonstrate in the face of unfathomable challenges.
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Concerns: In some groups, there may be some participants who would not naturally be touched very often during this activity. This can be because they do not know others in the group well or because they are not well liked. A few remedies to avoid this problem include:
The facilitator can stay in the middle throughout the activity and touch people, who are less known or less popular.
The facilitator provides frequent reminders to participants to touch not just those people, who come immediately to mind, but to try and include everyone.
Include several statements that focus on people who are quieter, reserved, and less known (i.e. “Touch someone who didn’t speak a lot, but was always listening.”).
If needed, explain to participants that appropriate touching is gentle and sincere. In other words, those seated are not to be groped, hit hard and/or thumped on the head.
If the group has difficulty being quiet or keeping their eyes closed, the facilitator should gently remind them to do so. Participants can also be reminded that it is common to feel uneasy accepting compliments because our culture teaches us to be more comfortable exchanging put downs and criticism. Encourage people to relax through any discomfort and to keep their eyes closed and remain silent. If a group has a really tough time during “Touch Someone” the facilitator can stop the activity in a completely non-blaming way and process why it may be hard to express care for others. The group can then be asked if they would like to continue the activity or try to do it at another time.
Processing Themes/Questions: The following are possible questions to raise during the processing of this activity: How did that feel for everyone? What was it like? What emotions came up for you? Was anyone surprised by some of the touches they got? What do you think about the importance of appreciations? Were you a bit more likely to believe the touches were sincere since you couldn’t see the person doing the touching? What are ways we could create more appreciation in our lives? www.MarilynLevin.com Page 208 of 356
In this activity it is very common for participants to be surprised about the statements for which they were touched. The truth is that everyone is really this amazing and worthy of such feedback. Unfortunately we live in a culture that has us forgetting to show how much we care about each other and how impressed we are with each other. If we learn how to show this care, we can increase our power, our possibilities and our connections to others.
In this activity we are demonstrating one of the most important aspects of humanity, the power of touch. How we can convey just what needs to be conveyed with a hand on a shoulder, or briefly touching the hand of another, or gently grabbing their elbow… such motions can convey SO much, just through a simple touch, we can do so much good.
After large group processing takes place, this activity works well when participants pair up to do a Listening Partnership. Each person would get several minutes to respond to the following statement: “The amazing truth about me and my power to transform the world is…encourage people to sound as much like Gandhi, mother Teresa or any of their heroes as possible.” Remind participants that the world needs us in touch with our magnificence and unafraid to use it in order to make the world a better place!
This version created by Marilyn Levin, www.marilynlevin.com with contributions from Brian T. Ivory, Ph.D, [email protected]
TOUCH SOMEONE - EXAMPLE STATEMENTS :
FIRST ROUND : Makes a difference Is a good role model Has affected your life Makes you feel special You really admire You believe in www.MarilynLevin.com Page 209 of 356
Has a good personality Cares about people You trust Is kind hearted You will never forget Is love in action
SECOND ROUND : Helps you grow Lets their soul guide their actions Is open minded Helps you out a lot Shows you how fabulous you are Is a hero or shero of yours Makes good decisions Is excellent at their work You would pick to get stuck on a desert island with Is fun to be around Is a good mentor Is helpful and supportive
THIRD ROUND : Helps you see your strength and abilities Will support you in the future Believes in you Has a great attitude Shows that you are fabulous Makes you laugh You think is fabulous Is respectful Is beautiful inside and out Makes you feel valued www.MarilynLevin.com Page 210 of 356
You want to get to know more Is a brilliant thinker
FOURTH ROUND : Gives you warm fuzzies Makes a big difference in their community or organization You seek out when you are vulnerable Sees how good you are Is good at reaching out Has a beautiful smile You will never forget Makes you smile You would love to get closer to Is inspiring Is a good friend Is creative
FIFTH ROUND : Is a catalyst for growth in others Is friendly Is thoughtful Has touched your heart Pleasantly surprised you Treats people with respect Makes a difference Has taught you something valuable Shows how likeable you are Thinks you are awesome Sees your talents Thinks you are a good listener
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SIXTH ROUND : Has learned something from you Sees your beauty inside and out Is a good leader You will never forget You really admire Is very creative Makes you feel loved Believes in you Reaches out to you Supports you well Sees you as a good friend Sees your talents
SEVENTH ROUND : Treats you with respect Makes a difference Is a good listener Gets things done Is caring Supports people well You want to keep as a new friend Lives to serve Knows how to make you laugh Helped you out recently You think is fun You would completely trust
EIGHTH ROUND : Makes good decisions Who honors their commitments www.MarilynLevin.com Page 212 of 356
Is an amazing ally Has shown courage in the face of a challenge Is compassionate Gives you hope Humorous ones to use if appropriate: Is having a good hair day Would cover for you if you passed gas in a meeting Would tell you if there was something in your teeth or up your nose Add your own, anything appropriate to the group and setting.
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WE LOVE PEOPLE WHO
Potential use: This activity can be used as an icebreaker or to cover a wide variety of topics.
Preparation: The facilitator will need to make sure there is enough room for participants to form a circle.
Facilitation Procedures: Have participants stand in a circle with one person in the middle. The person in the middle names something that is true for them. If it is also true for the participants standing in the circle, they must trade places in the circle with someone else. While this happens the person in the middle tries to get a spot in the circle, leaving a new person in the middle to make the next statement. (The basic format is very common in experiential education circles).
It can be fun to have each person in the middle say “Hi, my name is_____” and have everyone respond “Hi _____.”
If you want more activity, have the middle person add movements that people must use when crossing the circle such as hopping, etc.
Have anyone who has already been in the middle choose someone whom has not been in the middle until everyone gets a chance.
If you want more interaction you can have two people be in the middle at one time. The statement will need to be true for both of them. With the theme of celebrating differences and similarities, have people say, “We Love People Who” and fill in a statement that is true of them. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 214 of 356
Variations: • With the theme of things we can stop or start saying or doing to make a difference, have people say: “I will start ______(and fill in the blank)” or “I will stop ______(and fill in the blank)” or “I will stop ______(fill in the blank) and instead ______(fill in the blank)”
• With the theme of exploring what messages we got growing up, have people say: “When growing up in my family, diversity was ______(fill in blank)” or “Growing up, I was taught to view difference as ______(fill in blank)”
• With the theme of identifying barriers to moving forward, have people say: “What interferes most with my fabulousness is ______(fill in blank)” or “Growing up we handled feelings by ______(fill in blank)” or “Growing up, we dealt with difference by ______(fill in blank).”
• Identity Myth or Truth version: The person in middle says the Lie (or myth) is to be an X identity is to be Y and if this is a lie you learned switch places in the circle. Then follow with the truth about being X identity is Y and focus on the positive and switch place if you believe this to be true.
• Complaint to Commitment – Person in middle says I used to feel traumatized (or victimized) when (fill in the blank). Examples – when I lost a favorite possession, when I got stuck overnight in an airport, when I had a car wreck. You can also have people use the statement I am committed to no longer feeling traumatized when (fill in blank).
• Struggle/Sharing Circle – Person in the middle shares where he or she struggles on a topic or where he or she is committed to growing or where they are looking for support on a topic.
Note – this activity is known by many names. I first learned it as Mail Call in my classes at the University of New Hampshire. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 215 of 356
ACTIVITIES FOR PEOPLE WITH EXPERIENCE (L ISTED ALPHABETICALLY )
INTRODUCTION TO ACTIVITIES FOR PEOPLE WITH EXPERIENCE
Activities are listed in alphabetical order. When facilitating the activities in this section, you will want to use more care than with the other activities in the book. These activities are either more challenging to facilitate or they have a high potential to open up problematic or divisive feelings, issues and discussions.
I recommend reading the rest of the book before using any of these activities. You will also want to have had some success at facilitating a number of other less intense activities in the book before you embark on using these activities. Don’t use these activities if you lack the knowledge or experience to keep them physically and emotionally safe for the participants.
Key things to remember when facilitating potentially challenging activities:
Like people – see the amazing person they are, even if they are not showing it at the moment. Treat them with compassion and humanity.
Explain that it is cultural conditioning, not personal failing, that has us all falling short of who we can be at times. Help participants feel good about who they are and excited about the possibilities for creating a fulfilling life.
When presenting new information or perspectives, let people have their existing perspectives, even if what you’re presenting seems contradictory. Teach and role model openness to differing views.
Have fun. Don’t get serious for too long. Mix things up with playful breaks from the intensity of examining oppression.
Note that a handful of activities are labeled advanced activities. Use extra care with these activities. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 216 of 356
10 CHAIRS ACTIVITY
Courtesy of United For a Fair Economy and Reach and Teach. For a detailed lesson plan go to http://www.teachingeconomics.org/content/docs/complete.pdf
Potential use: This activity is used to make people aware of the extreme inequity around income distribution in the United Sates.
Preparation: You will need 10 chairs lined up in a row facing the rest of the group.
Facilitation Procedures:
1. Prior to the start of the activity, line up ten chairs up across the front of the room facing the students.
2. Ask for ten volunteers. Identify one person who will represent the “Wealthiest 10% of the U.S. Population.” It is ideal to choose someone who is tall and who will play up this role.
3. Ask the volunteers to stand in line, one behind each of the chairs. Explain that each chair represents 10% of all the private wealth in the U.S. and that each of the volunteers represents 10% of the population of the U.S. Explain that “(insert student’s name) is representing the “wealthiest 10% of the U.S. population.”
4. While students are standing in a line, one behind each chair, explain that this is what wealth would look like if it were evenly distributed in the U.S. one person, one chair. If wealth were www.MarilynLevin.com Page 217 of 356
evenly distributed, every household would have a net worth of $380,100. Talk with students about what that might be like. Explain that in fact, life in the United States is not like that.
5. Explain that different statistical groupings of people in the United States own different percentages of the wealth. Ask students to guess how much of the total wealth they think the wealthiest 10% of the population owned in 2001. Write their guess on the board so that you can refer back to it later.
6. Instruct the student designated the “Wealthiest 10% of the U.S. Population” to lay across seven chairs and the other nine students to try to squeeze into the remaining three chairs. Explain that in 2001 the top 10% of the population owned approximately 70% of all the wealth and therefore this one student gets to stretch across seven chairs. Ask the students trying to squeeze into those three chairs to come up with one word or short phrase to describe how they feel about this situation.
7. Explain that even within the top 10% there is greater disparity. For example, let the arm of the volunteer representing the top 10%, now represent the wealthiest 1% of the population (top 10% student stretches out his arm). In 2001, the share of the top 1% is 32.7% of all wealth, or equal to over three chairs. That’s more chairs than the bottom 90% have combined. Reiterate by writing the following statement on the board: The Wealthiest 1% own more wealth than the bottom 90% combined! Mention that this disparity has grown significantly in the last 25 years.
8. Ask the participants to share and discuss their reactions to the activity.
Facilitator Resources: • For more on the topics of economic inequities see www.teachingeconomics.org and www.faireconomy.org • See Wealth Value’s Activity.
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ALLY CROSS OVER ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity is used to make each group of participants aware of both sides of becoming Amazing Allies and to better understand oppression.
Preparation: Background work to better familiarize participants with the concept of being an ally should be done prior to this activity. The group should demonstrate a high degree of emotional safety before using this activity.
Facilitation Procedures: Have people split into two groups on each form of oppression (i.e. those with privilege and those without privilege). Take each form of oppression one by one, starting with some of the less threatening forms (i.e. age, religion) first and progressing through the more challenging forms (i.e. gender, race, orientation). These will vary some from group to group.
Have the participants with X privilege stand across from the participants without X privilege. Both parties should face each other.
The participants without X privilege articulate what they need from their allies. Ideally everyone says at least one specific thing.
The allies respond back with what they heard from the people without privilege about their needs. Then the participants without privilege get a chance to correct any misunderstandings and to appreciate the attention from the people with privilege. Then the participants with privilege can make statements of commitment about what they intend to do as an amazing ally.
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Processing Themes: You can certainly process all kinds of issues related to being an amazing ally, like the challenges, the rewards, how to get support to do so effectively and so on. You can also process how confusing it can be to be an ally since everyone wants support in different ways and many of us are not good at expressing how we want support. You can also process about communication issues (i.e. differences in communication styles that can occur when dealing with different cultures).
Facilitator Resources: See the Understanding the Systems of Oppression Handout. See the Amazing Allies Handout.
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BEST SELF ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity is about noticing when we are not our best selves and about seeking support to become our best selves more often.
Preparation: Participants need to be divided into pairs. Distribute two of the Best Self-Support work sheets to each participant.
Facilitation Procedures: Have participants begin with a Listening Pair to explore how they will fill out this form. They can take notes during their turn to talk in the listening pair. They will keep this copy for their use. They have a second copy to fill out after the Listening Pair. This second copy will be posted somewhere for the group to refer to in the future, so participants should be told to be concise and write so others can read it.
The questions to explore in the Listening Pairs are: • When I am not my best self at work I tend to… • Given that I’m committed to growing into my fabulousness, I will instead strive to… • Support from others I would like on this is… It is important to be specific and concrete on the last question!
Once everyone’s sheets are completed, have each person read their entire sheet out loud and take questions from others. The facilitator should take care to make sure that all of the sheets are clear and understood by others in the group. The focus should be on the support needed from others section. Issues that the facilitator will commonly need to clarify for participants are: www.MarilynLevin.com Page 221 of 356
• What exactly, word for word, do you want others to say to you? • What tone of voice should be used when this is said? • Are there exceptions to this that people should know about? • What nonverbal language should be used? • What will not work well? • Is there anything that is similar to what you have asked for that might confuse people?
Processing Procedures: What you will usually discover is how ridiculous of some their expectations are around communication such as: • Thinking that people should know what we need even if we don’t express it well or even at all. • The complicated extenuating circumstances surrounding whether a particular support strategy will work or not work at any given moment. • How different our needs can be and how challenging it can be to figure out support to each other
Encourage people to appreciate how complicated it can be to provide support in a way that meets each individual’s needs, since they vary so much from time to time. Strongly encourage the group to learn to appreciate any attempt at providing support, instead of holding out for perfection.
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BEST SELF SUPPORT WORK SHEET
Name: ______
When I am not my best self at work I tend to: ______
Given that I am committed to growing into my fabulousness, I will instead strive to: ______
Support from others I would like on this is: ______
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CLIQUE ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity explores participants understanding of, and participation in, cliques. It is most useful for junior and senior high school age youth.
Preparation: The facilitator needs to make sure there is enough space for the participants to make a horseshoe shape shoulder to shoulder.
Facilitation Procedures: To begin, have the group name off the different cliques that exist in their school. Usually, half a dozen to a dozen cliques get named. Examples include: “sportos, preps, dirtballs, stoners, and nerds.” Choose up to five or six clique categories by selecting the main ones or by combining some of the cliques that are similar.
Next, ask the group to line up in a horseshoe style according to how much they identify with a particular clique – say sporto. You will repeat this process and discuss each clique named. Based on each clique, an example may sound something like this: “ I want you all to line up next to each other, shoulder to shoulder, in a horseshoe shape based on how much you see yourself as a sporto. The most completely, totally sporto person lines up on the right side to the most completely not-sporto person on the left side with everyone in between lining up where they see fit.”
Once people are lined up, check in with the different parts of the lineup. Those who classified themselves as strongly part of the clique, those who had “middle of the road” or ambivalent feelings, and those who strongly considered themselves not associated with the clique. If a group is small enough and you have time, consider checking in with each person. The questions to ask participants include: So, why did you end up here?” This causes people to explore how www.MarilynLevin.com Page 224 of 356
they identified as that label or not, and what that label means to them. Then, you can start exploring the ways in which people agree on the label, as well as the different meanings the label has for different people.
After completing one “line up” and discussion, then move on to the next clique label.
Processing Procedures: Once all of the clique “line ups” are completed and discussed, then process the overall questions of: • “Ok, if most of us relate in some way to all of the cliques, then why do we feel the need to segregate out?” • “Since we all have some connection to most other cliques, what makes us tease and target each other for being different?” • And then progress to questions like: “What would you gain if you decided not to play along with the clique systems at school?” • And then on to: “So what might you want to do differently now around the cliques in your school.”
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CODE OF AGREEMENT ACTIVITY
Potential use: The purpose of this activity is to identify where participants might need support in following the group’s code of agreements (non- negotiable rules or guidelines that are to be followed).
Preparation: Facilitators should have a previously created Code of Agreement listing the agreements of the group. Facilitators need to post three signs on the wall - No Problem , I’ll Handle It and Yikes (use 8 ½ x 11 sheet of paper of color). Also post this statement: “I understand and agree to follow the Code of Agreement because I give my word and my word has integrity.”
Facilitation Procedures: Facilitators should read the following statement: “For the next (fill in period of time) our group will learn, play, eat, drink, discuss, laugh, cry, play, create, challenge, and support each other (adapt as needed). We have control over what kind of experience we will have together. The items listed here are essential to a positive experience and are not negotiable. The purpose of this activity is to identify where we might need support in following this code of agreement.”
Facilitators should read each item listed on the Code of Agreement aloud to the group. After each item, ask participants to stand by the sign that best fits their reaction to the item. Have those who are standing by the Yikes sign talk about how they might struggle to follow this item. Then have them explore what support might be helpful in assisting them in honoring this agreement. Other standing by the I’ll Handle it or No Problem sign might have input on support as well.
When concerns/objections to these agreements come up remember to take a non-defensive, supportive, yet non-negotiable stance. Examples of statement that might help include: “I understand that this will be a significant struggle for you and I really admire your courage in www.MarilynLevin.com Page 226 of 356
dealing with this. So how can we help you get the support you need to follow this agreement?” “I am hearing that you have some concerns about you ability to follow this agreement. I appreciate your honesty. What we need from you is a commitment that you will do your very best to follow the agreement and ask for support when you need it.”
Processing Procedures: You can focus on the topic of integrity and having our word really mean something, because we back it up with our actions.
Questions could include: Why is integrity important? How much integrity do your words have in your life and why? How do you feel about dealing with people who lack integrity? How can you improve your integrity? How can you encourage integrity in others?
• You can explore how we react to rules, guidelines, agreements etc.
Questions could include: Do you have a different reaction to the three above or are they all the same to you? Do you have a pattern of always reacting to these in a similar way? If so, how and why? How might you life be different if you changed your reactions to these? Are there ways we can work within a group to handle these better?
• You can explore asking for help/getting support.
Questions could include: Are you good at noticing when you need support? Are you good at asking for support when you need it? How do you feel about others asking or not asking for support? How do you decide when to ask for or offer support and when not to? What might change in your life if you got better at asking for support?
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Concerns: You will need to have established how you will handle the situation of someone refusing to agree to all items ahead of time. So, if this comes up you will know the procedure to follow.
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CROSSING THE LINE : REVEALING OUR SOCIAL MEMBERSHIPS
ADVANCED ACTIVITY – USE WITH CARE
Potential use: Crossing the Line will enable participants to reveal social memberships not apparent to others; identify the many similarities and differences existing among participants; become aware of the choice of self-disclosure or keeping something private; and understand the indignity of “boxing in” someone on a single dimension.
Preparation: All participants should be high school age or older. There will need to be eight to twenty five people to a group depending on the size of the room and number of the participants. The facilitator will need masking tape and facilitator notes. The room will need to be large enough for the outline of the box and participants. Crossing the Line activity will take twenty to thirty minutes depending on the level of processing. If room set-up does not allow for formation of a line or creation of a box, this activity can be conducted outside. There needs to be a high degree of emotional safety in the group before doing this activity.
Concern: Read ONLY the statements that will be safe enough for your participants. Remind participants that visual information can be misleading and that it is not safe to make membership assumptions based in them (i.e. gender expression, race and ethnicity, ability and sexual orientation).
Facilitation Procedures: The activity described in this document utilizes the outline of an actual box (made with masking tape), which participants step into reveal dimensions of themselves to the group. The outline of www.MarilynLevin.com Page 229 of 356
a box allows for greater eye contact and visibility. At the same time, the box represents those times participants may have felt “boxed in” according to a single membership.
Setting Up Crossing the Line: The facilitator should solicit a participant for assistance in using masking tape to mark off the “box” on the floor. This action will typically raise the participant’s interest, attention or anticipation. Participants are asked to assume a position on the outside of the box with their toes touching the line. The facilitator should also make sure participants are spread out equally around the box. The following suggestions are useful when conducting this activity: • Participate in the activity as one of the group members • Model good attentiveness and eye contact throughout the activity • Don’t rush the items—let participants observe what is taking place • Reset participants outside the box following each membership category
The next section provides a “script” for Crossing the Line . This script establishes the general context and participant directions for the activity. Some facilitators will find it useful, while others may wish to revise (even discard) the script to better meet the specific needs of group participants.
Facilitator Reading Text: “Please take a moment and look around at those standing on the outside of the box. (Facilitator pauses). If you haven’t done so already, think about yourself also standing here before those in the group. What can be known about you through the eyes of others? Height? Weight? Gender? Age? Skin Color? Like the tip of an iceberg, only a fraction of who we are is visible on the outside. Unfortunately, we have little choice regarding what is assumed about us through casual observation.”
At the same time, we have some choice regarding what others may know about those less- visible parts of ourselves. For example, there are social memberships we openly reveal and those we prefer to keep hidden. Through self-disclosure we become better “known” to ourselves and to others. There are also moments in which withholding something serves in our www.MarilynLevin.com Page 230 of 356
best interests. Call it self-preservation, if you will. Such privacy is typically chosen when we fear what others might think about us (facilitator pause). It is important to remember that choosing to keep a hidden identity hidden does NOT mean that you are ashamed of that identity. It can just mean that the potential costs of disclosure are not worth the risks for you in this instance.”
“The purpose of this exercise is to give you the opportunity to reveal dimensions of yourself that may not be visible to other participants. I will read a list of group memberships to which you may belong. Many of these memberships are often viewed as “less-desirable” or “less-valued” by society’s definition. (For example, being divorced is typically frowned upon by members within our culture). As such, these memberships can have a negative stigma associated with them. You may find, however, that although you belong to a group I mention—you do not experience this membership with any stigma whatsoever.”
“As I read each group aloud – and you wish to reveal this membership – please step forward across the line and into the stigmatized space (facilitator demonstrates this now). Please remain there until the next dimension is read. If you also identify with the membership that follows, please remain standing where you are. Otherwise, simply step backwards to the “most valued” side of the line (facilitator demonstrates).”
“If you belong to a group I mention – but wish not to reveal this at this time – please hold your position in line (facilitator points to the line). In other words, if you do not cross the line, it will be assumed that you are not a member.”
“I will provide three warm-up examples before we begin this activity. Throughout Crossing the Line , you are asked to take note of your choices and your feelings. This
activity will be conducted in silence and discussed immediately afterwards.”
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Crossing the Line: Facilitator Text
Warm Up Round: People who are (or were) every day cigarette smokers step over the line.
People who have tattoos and/or body piercing somewhere other than your ears, step over the line.
People who have gotten legally separated and/or divorced step over the line.
Facilitator Says: “Okay, please return to the outside of the box. Any questions before we begin Crossing the Line? Remember this activity will be conducted in silence. Please take note of your choices and feelings and pay attention to the actions of others.”
At this point, the facilitator can ask participants to find a different position around the outside of the box. This helps boost the participant’s focus and attention.
Group Membership Round:
Childhood: Women who were teased as children for being a “tomboy” step over the line.
Men who were teased as children for being a “sissy”, step over the line.
People who were called “too skinny” or “too fat”, step over the line.
People who wore braces on their teeth at one time, step over the line.
People who wore prescription eye glasses before high school, step over the line.
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Family: People whose parents were separated, divorced or never married, step over the line.
People who were raised by a single parent, step over the line.
People who are themselves single parents, step over the line.
People who come from families where drugs or alcohol were a problem, step over the line.
People who had a parent, sister or brother in jail or the juvenile justice system, step over the line.
Education: People for whom English is a second language, step over the line.
People with one or both parents who did not complete a college education, step over the line.
People who themselves completed a G.E.D., step over the line.
People who are a “first-generation” college student, step over the line.
People who receive or received financial aid while attending college, step over the line.
Economic: People who come from blue-color and/or working class families, step over the line.
People whose family was not covered under any health insurance, step over the line.
People whose family needed government assistance to make ends meet, step over the line.
People who have felt embarrassed about their family’s economic status, step over the line. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 233 of 356
People who have at some point received unemployment benefits, step over the line.
Religion: People who do not identify themselves as Christian, step over the line.
People who identify as Jewish, Muslim or Buddhist, step over the line.
People who consider themselves as “spiritual” rather than “religious”, step over the line.
People who never or no longer practice religion of any kind, step over the line.
People who identify themselves as atheist or agnostic, step over the line.
Sexual Orientation: People who have close friends who are gay or lesbian, step over the line.
People who have a relative or family member who is gay or lesbian, step over the line.
People who have questioned or are presently questioning their sexual orientation, step over the line.
People who are themselves gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, step over the line.
People who identify themselves as an Ally to persons who are not heterosexual, step over the line.
Ethnicity: People whose parents immigrated to this country, step over the line.
People with Native American ancestry, step over the line.
People of color or ethnic minority, step over the line. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 234 of 356
People, who identify as bi-racial or multi-racial, step over the line.
People in mixed-race relationships (previously or currently), step over the line.
Wellness: People who have a learning disability (hidden or apparent), step over the line.
People who have a physical disability (hidden or apparent), step over the line.
People, who have battled either a long-term sickness or chronic illness, step over the line.
People who have been dependent or addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, step over the line.
People who have taken medication for mental illness in their lifetime, step over the line.
Cool Down Round: People who surprised themselves by crossing the line, step over the line.
People who didn’t cross the line for fear of what others might think, step over the line.
People who crossed the line but now wish they had not done so, step over the line.
People who are now ready to return to the room and/or to their seats, step over the line. ☺
Processing Procedures: While participants learn a lot about each other during the activity, it is important to process Crossing the Line immediately afterwards. Initial questions should focus on their direct experience during the activity. Secondary questions can be selected according to the needs of the facilitator and/or the group (i.e. acquaintance, awareness, team-building, trust-building).
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Initial Processing: Please comment on what it was like participating in this exercise? What did it feel like crossing the line? Any nerves or hesitancy? Were you surprised by how many times you crossed the line? How did the movement of others affect your own choices? Was it easy to cross the line, or were you hesitant about some items? Were there any memberships in which only one person crossed the line? What commonalities surprised you with regard to others in the group?
Secondary Processing: Anyone wish to explain more about a membership they revealed to the group? Anyone regret crossing the line shortly after you did so? Ever felt “boxed in” by someone based on a single social membership? Ever catch yourself boxing in someone based on one social membership? Which items did you cross today that you would not have revealed two years ago? What are the personal costs of revealing our social memberships? What are the personal and/or group benefits of revealing your memberships ?
Variations: Common adaptations of this activity involve having participants form a single row after which they are invited to cross an invisible line indicating agreement or membership to various items. This version of Crossing the Line focuses on social stigmas the participants may have felt or experienced regarding their social memberships.
The earliest credits for Crossing the Line are attributed to Isoki Femi and Linda Gonzales, who used this format in workshops at Stanford University in 1985.
Brian T. Ivory, Ph.D, developed this version of Crossing the Line. He is an Associate Professor at Mott Community College in Flint, Michigan. If you would like to reach Dr. Ivory with questions or suggestions regarding this version of Crossing the Line , he can be reached at [email protected] .
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EXPLORING OUR DIVERSITY : "U PS / DOWNS "
Potential use: Exploring Our Diversity Ups/Downs activity will explore the diversity in any group, recognize the experiences and identities we share with one another, and identify differences in our experiences. Preparation: The room needs to be large enough to accommodate chairs for participants.
Facilitation Procedures: Start with people sitting in chairs, ideally arranged so everyone can see everyone else.
Introduce the activity with this description: We each represent diverse feelings, experiences and heritage. Some aspects of our identity are given. We can't change them. Others are within our control or influence. The identity we think of as our own is shaped in part by our experience while our experience is determined in part by the identities others attach to us. Too often we fail to recognize the diversity represented by any group or individual. Categorical assumptions and stereotypes lead us to perceive sameness in the midst of difference.
Inform participants that the purpose of the exercise is to explore our diversity. Remind participants that it will be important for everyone to listen to your directions. Ask everyone to remain silent during the exercise. If your group will want to acknowledge people for standing, it can work well to use the silent “applause” style used by the deaf and hard of hearing community. Hands are up on either side of your face with palms facing out. You rotate your wrists so that your palms shift back and forth from facing out and facing in. Inform participants that you will be announcing various social groupings. If they identify as a member of an announced group they are invited to stand (or raise their hand if unable to stand) or witness www.MarilynLevin.com Page 237 of 356
others who identify with their group. Create other options if mobility restrictions will keep a person from participating. Then participants take their seat again.
Secure commitments regarding confidentiality from participants or if confidentiality cannot be reasonably assured then let participants know they should make choices accordingly. Remind the group that claiming membership in some groups can feel uncomfortable or unsafe. In fact real threat of physical or emotional harm can exist for some individuals who openly claim all aspects of their identity. The exercise extends an invitation to stand. No one is under an obligation to do so. Failing to claim an identity is in NO way an indication of shame about that identity.
The categories to be announced in this exercise can be tailored to your group's needs. Begin with simple categories that participants will not perceive as threatening. Keep this exercise moving. Be aware of the attention and energy in your group. Before announcing any categories that may provoke anxiety in participants, state again the voluntary nature of this exercise. Make sure and interrupt any discounting behavior – snickering, booing, inappropriate laughing. If this occurs, it can work well to first attempt to remind participants about the emotional safety goals of the activity and the commitments the participants have made to each other around emotional safety. If this does not work, a next step can be to own up as the facilitator, that your decision about this being an appropriate time to do this activity was inaccurate. If you do this without blaming yourself or the group, it can actually get the group invested in continuing.
Processing Procedures: What was that experience like for you? What thoughts and feelings did it bring up for you? Was anything surprising to you? What did you notice about the diversity (or lack of) in the group? Was it challenging in this activity to claim any of your identities? Was it empowering in this activity to claim an identity? Did anyone refrain from claiming an identity and why? Anyone have questions about an identity that was new to him or her? Anyone feel like they now wish they hadn’t claimed an identity in this exercise? Anyone feel like you are stereotyped for you identities? Then you can end with questions like the following: www.MarilynLevin.com Page 238 of 356
How can you go about making this group a safe place for all of our identities? What will you need to refrain from doing so that others feel safe in this group? What can you do individually to make all people feel valued here? How can you get support in being open to people who are different from you?
Concerns: You will not want to use this activity until a degree of safety has been assessed so that participants will not be targeted during or after the activity for their disclosures.
*This activity was developed and used at the National Conference on Community and Justice Camp Any Town in Wisconsin starting in 2000.
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"U PS AND DOWNS " SAMPLE CATEGORIES
Please stand if you: Were born in Wisconsin Were born in the USA but outside of Wisconsin Were born outside the USA.
Are the eldest of your brothers and sisters Are a middle child Are the youngest Are an only child Twin Triplet
Rural Urban Suburban Other
Please stand if you are a practicing: Baptist Presbyterian Methodist Roman Catholic Lutheran Episcopalian Church of God In Christ (C.O.G.I.C.) Hindu - (practiced primarily in India, Bangladesh and Nepal. It is a diverse family of devotional groups and philosophies all sharing a belief in reincarnation.) Buddhist - (religion or philosophy founded in 5 th Century B.C.) Sufi - (Sufism developed as a mystical movement of the Islamic faith in 8 th and 9 th Century and divided into different orders and brotherhoods) www.MarilynLevin.com Page 240 of 356
Jew - (Judaism - Members trace their origins through the ancient Hebrew people of Israel to Abraham) Muslim - (founded in 7 th Century; regard Mohammed as last great prophet to expand on teachings of Abraham, Moses and Jesus. There are two major branches of Islam: Sunni and Shia) Druse - (broke away from Ismaili Muslims in 11 th Century, mainly in Syria, Lebanon, Israel - scripture based on Bible, Koran and Sufi writings) Bahai - (monotheistic religion founded in Persia in 19 th Century emphasizing the essential oneness of humankind and of all religions and seeking world peace.) Wiccan - (religious group of modern witchcraft, with origins in pre-Christian pagan religions.)
Please stand if you are: Agnostic - (believing nothing can be known of the nature or existence of God - claiming neither faith nor disbelief.) Atheist - (believing God does not exist)
Please stand if you feel you were: Raised with enough money Raised with more than enough money Raised with less than enough money
Where did your relatives come from? Stand for as many as apply . Announce a representative sample and ask participants to volunteer more.
Native heritage - Ho Chunk (Winnebago), Menominee Nation, Cherokee, Dakota/Lakota, Potawamani, Ojibwa Anishinabee Nation, Chippewa, others? European heritage - Ireland, England, Scotland, Wales, Germany, France, Denmark, Spain, Italy, Switzerland, Poland, Czechoslovakia, Hungary; Bulgaria; Slovenia, Croatia, Serbia, Albania, Greece, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Holland, Belgium, Andorra, Luxembourg, Liechtenstein, Monaco www.MarilynLevin.com Page 241 of 356
Melanesian - Pacific Islander heritage - Guam, Malaysia, Singapore Australian heritage , New Zealand, Tasmania, Borneo Canadian heritage Asian heritage - Russia, Ukraine, Iran, Pakistan, India, Indonesia, China, Japan, Laos, Hmong, Vietnam Latin American Heritage - Mexico, Puerto Rico, Guatemala, Honduras, Venezuela, Argentina, Brazil, Columbia, Ecuador, Peru, Chile, Costa Rica, Belize, African-Caribbean heritage - Cuba, Haiti, Barbados, Senegal, Mali, Ghana, Kenya, Morocco , Tanzania, Nigeria, Somalia, Egypt, Libya, Burkina Faso, Cameroon, Chad, Botswana, Zimbabwe Middle Eastern heritage - Israel, Lebanon, Jordan, Palestinian, Iraq, Syria
Hidden identities Please stand if you are: Vegetarian Temporarily able Those with a hidden disability (physical or otherwise-maybe you wear contacts or have a learning disability) please stand. GLBTQ – Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning
Ask the group if anyone wants to suggest another idea for an UP/DOWN.
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FIELD OF DREAMS ACTIVITY
Potential use: Field of Dreams can be used to explore the unequal access to power, resources, opportunities and acceptance that exist in the systems of oppression.
Preparation: Lay out three ropes to designate a starting line, a mid-point, and a finish line. Fill the open area between the start and finish line with a wide variety of things – stuffed animals, balloons, and toys (whatever you want to create obstacles).
Facilitation Procedures: Explain that the starting point represents where we are today around issues of injustice and the ending point represents a world that works for everyone. Passing though the field of dreams gets us to the world that works for everyone, but is filled with both challenges and opportunities.
Have people start with a Listening Partnership about what are the most problematic challenges for them in pursuing a world that works for everyone. Then do another Listening Partnership or large group processing about what the opportunities and rewards are in pursuing a world that works for everyone.
Then have participants think of certain types of items in the field to represent the challenges and the opportunities/rewards (i.e. all items except the stuffed animals represent the challenges and the stuffed animals represent the opportunities/rewards).
Have participants pair up and have one person in the pair put on a blindfold. The person with the blindfold crosses through the field with the support of the person with whom they are paired. For the first half of the field the support person must stay behind the start line and give www.MarilynLevin.com Page 243 of 356
verbal directions. For the second half of the field, the support person can be wherever they want. If either person in the pair touches an item in the field they must return to the starting line and start over.
While participants are crossing through the field, the facilitator should simulate privilege and lack of privilege by clearing a path for some people and moving items into the path of others or even clearing at first then moving even more items in their path. If your group is small one facilitator can handle the job, if not you will need more than one facilitator to move items around.
Processing Themes: What was it like for you to notice that the facilitator was clearing the path for some people and putting obstacles in the path of others? How is this a metaphor for privilege and lack of privilege in our lives? What feelings came up for you? Was it different to receive support in the first half than it was in the second half? How is this a metaphor for the support (or lack of support) we get in our lives around pursuing a world that works for everyone? How might the chaos and noise level in this activity be a metaphor for how we experience life? (i.e. info overload, media sensationalization, super fast pace of life).
It can be easy to assign blame when things are so challenging (i.e. it was the facilitator’s fault that this was so challenging). But this is usually not useful because when we focus on assigning blame, we are less focused on taking responsibility for what we can do to change the situation.
Often we can also assign too much power to change things to the people who have real or perceived power and assign too little power to ordinary people to change things. For example, if the other participants in the field would have intervened by stopping the facilitator from moving the items in the path of others, they could have interrupted the whole situation. Or the supporters could have gotten together and devised a plan to protect everyone collectively and so on. Our current world problems have become so engrained and complex that at times even the people in power don’t have the power to impact change that we think they possess.
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The victim/villain mentality and the need to polarize can inhibit us from reaching across the divide of blame to work together to create solutions to mutual problems.
We often don’t know how important it is to really understand what we need for support and to clearly ask for it from our supporters/allies. We also can fall into the trap of the individualistic, pull us up by the boots straps mentality and feel like we shouldn’t ask for the help we need. We all need extensive support to be empowered enough to change the world. And rather than waste time on all of us pretending like we don’t need this support, we can own up that we need it and figure out how to provide it to each other.
Discuss how we can go about creating an environment that is empowering for us. Include things like how to handle; information overloads, media emphasis on the negative/dramatic over the amazing/inspiring, and our cultural tendencies to blame and polarize.
Variation: If the blindfolded person accidentally touches an object in the field, they must “freeze” and their partner should ask the nearest participant to “rescue” them by going over to the frozen person and touching them, which is a nice metaphor for asking for and receiving help.
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IDENTITY MINGLE ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity will bring stereotypes and identity issues to the surface and how to empower yourself to be free of these stereotypes and misinformation about identities.
Preparation: The group will need to have a basic understanding of what identities mean and an ability to identify some of their own identities. There will need to be enough safety in the group for people to discuss the stereotyping they experience without fear of rejection.
One way to handle this is to do the Understanding Oppression Activity before this activity. You can also do some activities that assess safety around disclosures (i.e. Line Ups that explore identity labels). Participants will need the Identity Mingle Worksheet and a writing utensil.
Facilitation Procedures: Begin this activity by reading the two paragraphs at the top of the Identity Mingle Worksheet. Then lead participants through filling out the first three questions.
Then lead Listening Pairs with the topic of, “What are the stereotypes people might have for the identity I listed in the third question and why do they bother me?” After Listening Pairs, take a few comments from the group if you have time.
Then explain to the group that they are about to do the mingle part of the activity. The way this works is that they act out the stereotypes about their selected identity that are most troubling for them (see question three on worksheet). Explain that they are to introduce themselves to everyone in the group and interact in a way that acts out the stereotypes in the extreme. The facilitator can have the group act out only one stereotype for the whole mingle activity or allow www.MarilynLevin.com Page 246 of 356
them to act out several stereotypes, staying on each one until you announce the switch to the next stereotype. Then process with the group using the questions below.
Processing Procedures: What was this activity like for people? How did it feel to act out these stereotypes in the extreme? How might you reclaim this label in an empowering way for yourself, free of stereotypes and misinformation? How might you assist others in not being trapped by stereotypes attached to identities?
Next finish the worksheet by filling out the last question on the worksheet, individually. Then do another Listening Pairs about the answers they gave and close with group processing about it.
Optional ending: Have participants all state “This means I will endeavor to never again believe any of the misinformation that is directed at me because of my identities” and “I will support others in freeing themselves from stereotypes and misinformation around their identities.”
We can remember the truth that if I am an X (identity) then whatever I am IS what it means to be X (identity). As opposed to the opposite, which is the false belief that if it means certain things to be a particular identity, I must conform to that or I am no longer that identity. That is ridiculous once you examine it. Simply put – how silly is that!
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IDENTITY MINGLE WORKSHEET
Identities and labels come with excess baggage, which are the stereotypes and misinformation people attach to their understandings of identities. Identities have parts to them that will appear to go with the culture of the identity group but actually have nothing to do with the personal identities of the group members. This can lead us to internalize the misinformation about our identities and to think that to fit into the identity we must live out the stereotypes of the identity group.
Once we can identify our ideas (some truth and some myths) about what it means to be a certain identity, then we can go through a process of deciding which parts of the identity fit us and don’t fit for us. We can then decide to reframe the meaning of the identity in ways that empower us rather than trap us in a stereotype. In doing this, we free ourselves from the rigid expectations of identities that are steeped in stereotype and misinformation.
Some of my identities are:
______
The identity I get the most flack for or am most uncomfortable with is:
______www.MarilynLevin.com Page 248 of 356
The stereotypes of this identity that bother me the most include:
______
STOP HERE to do the MINGLE
When I ignore the misinformation/stereotypes, what it really means for me to be a(n)
______is the following ______
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LINE UP ACTIVITIES
Line ups are one of my very favorite tools! They are simple to use and open up amazing discussions.
Preparations: The facilitator needs to make sure there is enough room for the participants to stand shoulder to shoulder in a horseshoe shape.
Facilitation Procedures: Facilitator explains that the group will be asked to “line themselves up” based on a certain characteristic or topic. Participants should end up in a U or horseshoe shape instead of on actual line so that they can easily see and communicate with each other. Participants will line up shoulder to shoulder with no grouping.
After giving instructions, the facilitator allows the group to place themselves on the horseshoe with as little or as much conversation as they wish, depending on the time constraints. In general most groups will not take much time to place themselves.
Once participants are in the lineup, the facilitator proceeds to ask for the label or the explanation of the placing (see below). Depending on group size and time constraints, this will be done by asking participants one by one or by asking participants in a certain part of the spectrum who would like to volunteer to comment. The processing is generally done in the horseshoe but if a lengthy discussion ensues, you can sit down and circle up for further processing if desired.
When doing line ups it makes sense to insist on participants standing shoulder to shoulder (not allowing bunching). This pushes the issue of people not always being able to stand where they see themselves fitting on the spectrum. They end up being forced into standing where they fit www.MarilynLevin.com Page 250 of 356
in comparison to others in the group instead of where they see themselves on the spectrum of the topic at hand.
Variations:
REGULAR LINE UPS : Any number of criteria are possible – eye color (light to dark), eating habits (healthy to unhealthy), favorite animal (by size of animal), any personality trait (outgoing, patient, risk taking) or (least to most) and on and on.
You can also make stipulations for any of these like no talking, only use animal sounds, only use hand symbols to communicate, etc.
ALPHABETICAL LABEL LINE UPS : Pick any number of topics and have participants choose whatever label they think fits them within the topic area. Then have them line up in a horseshoe based on their label alphabetically. Examples: choose a label that fits you around school cliques, race/ ethnicity, age, religion/spirituality, ability, class/income, gender, stereotypes, etc.
Give people complete freedom to select whatever label comes to mind, pointing out if needed that they likely have multiple labels that would fit and can change their minds at any point in the activity. Then ask the group to tell others their label and have a great discussion about labels and identities.
You can also have participants pick a label that fits them that they like, a label that fits them that they hate, or a label that they have that's confusing or conflicting to them or a label that someone else has given them that they like or dislike or does or doesn’t fit in their mind.
DIVERSITY RELATED LINE UPS : Pick from topics listed below and have participants line up within the topic area.
Not risky: Age (youngest to oldest), comfortable with labels (most to least) www.MarilynLevin.com Page 251 of 356
Can be, but may not be, risky: Masculine to feminine, politically progressive to conservative, religious or spiritual (most to least)
Sometimes risky: Ability (most able to least able), class (working class to owning class), privilege (most to least)
Usually Risky: Sexual orientation* (heterosexual to homosexual)
* In most environments it will not be safe to line up on sexual orientation, but it may be safe to line up on how freaked out you would be if you woke up this morning and found out you were gay.
TOPICAL LINE UPS : Line up on some of the cultural conditioning pieces covered in the book like: • Scarcity to sufficiency as a scale or each separately (most to least) • Materialism (most to least) • Victim/villain as a scale or separately (most to least) • Polarization (participation in most to least) • Other qualities emphasized in our culture: Competitive, individualistic, opinionated, judgmental, etc. • Other qualities that emphasize our humanity: compassionate, open minded, generous, collaborative, etc.
Concerns: Many of these versions ask that people disclose hidden identities. It is VITAL that group emotional safety be adequate to make such disclosures safe. Inform the participants before, and remind them during, the activities that they should do whatever they need to remain safe, even if that means lying in words or behavior to keep an identity hidden; choosing to keep an identity hidden does NOT mean that they are ashamed of that identity. It can just mean that the potential costs of disclosure are not worth the risks for them in this instance. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 252 of 356
In addition, facilitators should not embark on the riskier versions of these activities until they know they have the knowledge and the skills to do so.
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MASS ACQUISITION ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity helps participants explore issues like materialism, scarcity, sufficiency, appreciation, cooperation and more.
Preparation: Spread out four hula-hoops or rope loops on the floor, one central hoop surrounded by three other hoops. Equally space all hoops at least twenty feet apart. In the central hoop, place many, random items, such as a variety of balls and stuffed animals. Leave the surrounding hoops empty. Divide group into three even teams. Ask each team to stand at an empty hoop.
Facilitation Procedures: Instructions for Participants: If you look towards the center hoop, you will notice a stockpile of treasures. Now, if you look down at your team’s hoop, you will notice that your treasures are missing. The overall goal of this activity is to be the team possessing all of the treasures. When I say, “go,” your team may go to the central hoop and begin taking treasures back to your own team’s hoop. Each person may take only one treasure at a time. The treasures may be carried only. They may not be tossed, thrown, or kicked. If anybody attempts to carry multiple treasures, or attempts to toss a treasure into their team’s hoop, those treasures will go back to the hoop they were taken from. Once all of the treasures are out of the central hoop, you may begin to take treasures from another team’s hoop and place in your own hoop. Remember, you may take only one treasure at a time. Treasures may be carried only. You may not guard, block, or protect your hoop in any fashion from other teams in their attempt to take your treasure.
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Instructions for Facilitator: Once you start the game, carefully observe participants. Be sure to enforce the rules. If necessary and appropriate, restate the overall goal of the activity. You will notice participants experiencing and expressing a variety of emotions: excitement, frustration, persistence, aggression, anger, fatigue, confusion, etc. At some point, a participant may suggest, and actually convince a team to move their hoop to another team’s hoop and share the treasures. All participants may accept this move, and each team’s hoop may end up being stacked together, containing all of the treasures. If this occurs they have gotten the ultimate message out of the activity – creating a situation where everybody wins.
Processing Questions: To what degree do you think you are focused on scarcity? What about others in your life – your friends, family etc.? What are things you obsess about acquiring? What do you or others you know focus on getting more and more of? Name all of the things you can think of that you don’t feel you have enough of. How does this focus effect how you feel about yourself? What are the ways in which you don’t feel like enough- smart enough, cute enough, powerful enough and so on? How do we respond to continually having to fight for scarcity? (Facilitator will notice participants becoming agitated, competitive, frustrated, aggressive, and some participants may just give up) How often in your day do you notice that you have enough of something? What might life be like if you didn’t need to go after bigger better, faster, and more so much of the time? How might you feel different if you felt like enough most of the time – smart enough, cute enough, talented enough?
Facilitator Resources • See Transforming Scarcity into Sufficiency Chapter for more on this topic. • Use Transforming Scarcity into Sufficiency Handout with this activity. • See the following activities for more on this theme: www.MarilynLevin.com Page 255 of 356
- Stuff Happens - Scarcity to Sufficiency - Line Ups (themes like materialism, scarcity, sufficiency, appreciation themes), Listening pairs (themes like cherishing life, noticing enough, cost of scarcity, gifts of sufficiency), - Musical chairs (enough for everyone theme) • Recommended reading for facilitator and for participants: The Soul of Money • Recommended website www.globalsufficiency.org
Created by Jackie Breitenstein, M.S., CTRS [email protected] , and Marilyn Levin, MSW, CAPSW www.marilynlevin.com
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NATIVE AMERICAN GUIDED VISUALIZATION ACTIVITY
Potential use: The goal of the activity is to help people with race privilege to get a glimpse of what it might be like to be in the minority around racial or ethnic identity.
Facilitation Procedures: This is to be read as a guided visualization. Participants remain silent with their eyes closed. Participants are instructed to remain open to any thoughts and especially any feelings that come up during the activity. In no real way does this allow the participants to understand the all- encompassing impact of being a person of color in our culture of racism. However, the hope is that this experience can open people with race privilege to begin to examine the impacts of racism in all of our lives.
Read this to participants: On this journey, you will live in a new United States of America, one that is predominately American Indian. In this New U.S.A of (put a future year here), ninety percent of the U.S. is Native American. Government, business, companies, top posts are held by American Indian people. The U.S. is organized by confederations of tribes such as the Iroquois Confederation, the Navajo confederation, and Cherokee confederation, also known as the Five Civilized Tribes. Confederations unify many different tribes. Within in those tribes people are organized by clans and then families. The oldest woman is usually the head of the clan. Approximately ninety percent of your town or village is American Indian. With the remainder consisting of other ethnic groups such as Chicanos, Anglo-Americans, Asian Americans, African Americans, Pacific Islanders, etc.
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people who learned to negotiate Indian ways are scattered throughout Indian government in their communities. Some Whites have been able to marry into the Indian community.
The towns are dominated by American Indian businesses. American Indian employees that serve American Indian foods staff many of the restaurants. Dishes which are native to white people or other ethnic groups or racial groups are hard to find but can be found at times during special holidays. Grocery stores and other kinds of stores cater to American Indian people making foods and products that they like to purchase. It is very easy for American Indians to find exactly what they want in these stores. There may be an aisle or two for ethnic foods, for white people and other racial groups. But other groups have a lot of trouble finding foods and products to suit their tastes.
Band-aids come in shades of reddish brown and do not match other people’s skin colors. White women often have difficulty finding cosmetics that match their skin if that is what they choose to use. Cosmetics carried by stores are made for brown-reddish kinds of skin. White people may have difficulty finding products for their thin hair because most of the products are made for American Indians dark thick hair. White people may have difficulty getting haircuts because barbers and hair stylists are more skilled in various ways each tribe fixes their hair than in ways white people may style their hair. Everyone in the community seems extremely skilled at braiding hair. There are not many barbers and hair stylists at all since often Native Americans do not cut their hair except at particular events in their lives. Whites often have to go into big metropolitan areas to meet their needs because the retailers in big areas meet their needs. Entertainment is American Indian dominated. Theatres show American Indian actors and actresses. Movie themes are about American Indian people and their experiences in United States and North America. You rarely see non Native Americans in movies or on TV. When you do you usually see them portrayed as poor, uneducated, and sometimes criminal. Often there is one theatre that does show movies for other groups besides Native Americans. Live entertainment usually consists of Pow Wows or some type or tribal gathering usually with drums and dancing included. There used to be national holidays such as Easter and Christmas. We do not have those anymore. There are other kinds of ceremonies, dances and celebrations. They often concern spiritual and tribal roots; cleansing, healing and renewal. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 258 of 356
Newspapers and magazines are about American Indian people’s accomplishments and lives, what they think, do and say. Radio and TV programs are the same. Often there is one radio station nearby where you can hear about your group. You are surrounded by advertisements depicting American Indian people using the products being advertised. The standards of what is beautiful and attractive may exclude you if you are not American Indian.
Take a minute to see and feel yourself walking through the downtown area in this new world. If you are not American Indian, almost all the people may dress differently or wear their hair differently according to their tribe. You may pass American Indian people in groups talking and laughing about things that are unfamiliar to you. Walk into a restaurant or store. Look around. At the job you hold, it may seem to you that everyone in authority is American Indian. There may not be many people who are not American Indian that are in positions of authority at all and they may be recruited away to big fancy jobs in big cities. Turn over may be very rapid. If you are not American Indian, you may be asked to address the viewpoint of a minority; if there is a conflict or misunderstanding with people who are not American Indian, you may be asked to intervene and interpret or explain or mediate. You may often hear racist remarks about people who are not American Indian. This may bother you but you may have learned to pick your battles carefully. You may want to keep your job. You may not want to increase your sense of isolation.
Processing Themes: What was it like for you to listen to this guided visualization? What was comforting? What was anxiety provoking? What feelings did it bring up for you? What would be the most challenging thing for you to cope with, if our culture was like this? What would be the easiest to cope with? Does this open up any insights about racism for you? If so, what?
End with Questions like these: What can you do to increase your awareness of the impact of racism in all of our lives? For those with race privilege, how can you put yourself in situations where you can experience what it is like to be in the minority? What are steps you can take to participate in ending racism? www.MarilynLevin.com Page 259 of 356
PRIVILEGE IDENTIFICATION ACTIVITY
ADVANCED ACTIVITY – USE WITH CARE
Potential use: To help people explore an awareness and understanding of their privilege in a way that is enlightening and empowering.
Preparation: Each participant needs a copy of the Understanding the Systems of Oppression Handout. There needs to be a fair amount of emotional safety in the group before doing this activity.
Facilitation Procedures: Have participants use the grid in the handout to give themselves a point for every privilege category they fit into (zero to seven points are possible). Use the social identities on the far right side of the grid to determine points (i.e. Middle aged, Men, White, etc.).
Have the group do a Listening Pair on examples of privilege they experience because of membership in any of their privilege categories. Then take comments from the Listening Pairs to see if the group grasps the idea and if not explain. Give more examples of the ways in which privilege shows up in our lives.
Then have group stand in a circle. Remind participants that privilege is something we get because we are a member of a group. It is not something we asked for or did something to get. It is useful to remember that guilt about privilege does no one any good. In fact if it shuts people down, it does harm. Knowledge and action are however, very useful. So if you are pulled to feel guilty, shift into a focus on action.
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In this activity, people will be asked to come into the middle of the circle based on their number of privilege points. When in the circle, they will be asked to give examples of privilege they experience because of membership in any of their privilege categories. Start by having people with 7 privilege points come into the middle of the circle. This is a great time to ask if the men in the middle feel guilty or on the spot. They may or may not. But you make the point that most of us make the mistake of seeing people with privilege as the problem, but it is the SYSTEM of privilege and oppression that is the problem, not the people with privilege that are the problem. Refer back to the Understanding the Systems of Oppression Handout for the losses involved in privilege.
Then ask the people in the middle to give an example of privilege they experience based on their membership in any of their privilege categories. Have everyone give at least one and encourage coverage of all types of privilege. Then have the people in the middle rejoin the circle and ask people with six privilege points to come in the middle of the circle and repeat the process. Ask the people with five points to do the same. I usually end there.
Processing Themes: You can cover a multitude of topics including: privilege awareness, guilt, responsibility, benefits and damages of privilege, intersections of different forms of privilege and the impact of privilege.
Variations: If your group is familiar with this subject area and the examples of privilege people experienced based on membership in their privilege categories was fairly easy, you can move to the next step. The next step is to explore the costs of privilege. You can use the same format as above and have people in the middle give examples of costs of privilege based on their membership in any of the privilege categories.
Or, if it is safe enough for the group, do this in a circle by each form of privilege. For example, for race, the people with race privilege would step into the middle and give examples of the cost of race privilege in their lives. It can also be useful to hear from the outside circle too as they www.MarilynLevin.com Page 261 of 356
may have examples that the inner group didn’t bring up. Note that you will want to know this topic area well before proceeding, because people can get a little confused here.
Facilitator Resources: See Cultural Conditioning of the Systems of Oppression and Transforming the Systems of Oppression Chapters for more content. See Reclaiming our Humanity In the Face of the Conditioning of Privilege Handout. This usually follows the Understanding the Systems of Oppression Activity.
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RETHINKING OUR ENEMIES ACTIVITY
Potential use: To explore the concepts of adversaries and enemies and to consider reducing our participation in polarization.
Preparation: Each participant needs a copy of the Rethinking Our Enemies Worksheet and a writing utensil. Also the participants will need to be split into small groups.
Procedures: Have participants start by filling out the Rethinking Our Enemies Worksheets on their own or by using a listening partnership. Then split participants into small groups and have them follow the discussion instructions on the worksheets.
Processing Procedure: After the small group discussions, process as a whole group. In this processing you can:
Use the thumb wrestling activity to discuss how we get into win/lose or lose/lose battles with our enemies rather than striving to find win/win scenarios.
Use the tug of war activity to discuss how we can shift away from a focus of blame and towards a focus on mutual responsibility.
Use perspective activities to demonstrate and discuss how our anger and hatred hurt us and how love can heal.
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Explore why we think that our adversaries/enemies are biased and prejudiced yet we think that we are free of these things. Explore how we might treat our adversaries/enemies differently if we could see them as potential allies. Explore what impact this might have in the long term.
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RETHINKING OUR ENEMIES WORKSHEET
Start with answering all of these questions on your own in writing without talking to others in your group.
Next, take one question at a time and share your answers with each other. One person at a time works best. Once everyone has shared their thoughts to the question, you can add thoughts or have a discussion.
Remember to be honest but respectful with each other.
What types of people do you consider enemies (or against you)?
What types of people consider you an enemy (or against them)?
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Are you really these people’s enemy or are they “off base” in thinking you are?
If they are “off base,” what mistakes in judgment are these people making about you?
Are there types of people you have been taught to view as enemies that aren’t enemies in your mind?
Are there any qualities that you admire or value in your enemies?
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Are there any qualities you think they admire or value in you?
Are there any thoughts or feelings you have about these questions or our discussion that you would like to add?
“Instead of being caught in a vicious circle, we can start a virtuous circle – not by closing our eyes to hostility or capitulating to it, but by remaining secure even under attack, and by recognizing that the real opponent is not the other person or the other nation, but the conditioning that has convinced us we are enemies.” - Eknath Easwaran
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SAFETY NET ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity explores how privilege can be a safety net and a trap.
Preparation: Do background work to familiarize participants with the concept of privilege. People should be able to identify their privilege identities and some impact these have on their lives. They should have more than a beginning understanding of the concept and there should be a moderate degree of emotional safety before doing this activity.
The materials the facilitator will need are: a net of some sort (mesh material works best, but a blanket or sheet will also work), one stuffed animal to represent the person using the safety net, and enough room for all participants to fit in a circle around the net.
Facilitation Procedures: Facilitator should begin with, “So, we now have some awareness now that we all have privilege and that these offer a safety net of unearned entitlements and advantages. Just for the sake of review, let’s have people name some of these right now.” Take several examples.
Facilitator should place the net on the ground and have all of the participants encircle the net. Ask them to pick it up and hold it at waist level. Facilitator should take the stuffed animal and place it into the center of the net. Facilitator explains that the stuffed animal represents each of us, and the net represents our privileged identities. The stuffed animal and net together represent how our privilege identities are safety nets for us in life. Now go around and have each person name one of their privilege identities and talk about how their privilege is a safety net for them. Every time a person names a privilege, we are going to use the net to toss the stuffed animal into the air and catch it in the safety net. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 268 of 356
The facilitator can take a volunteer to start or go first by naming one of their privilege identities and discuss how having this privilege identity is a safety net for them. For example, being able bodied, I am able to shop in stores and eat in restaurants without worrying that they are not accessible to me. The group should then toss the stuffed animal up and catch it in the net. After everyone has a turn, explain that next the group will be viewing privilege from the other side.
We go through life experiencing the safety net of our privilege identities as they catch us when we fall. But, there is also a down side to privilege, because it can condition us to disconnect from parts of our humanity in order to tolerate the injustices in the world that we feel we can’t change. Now to each of us needs to identify a way in which our privilege is a trap and share that with the group
If the group can do this, they can proceed, but many groups might not be familiar enough with the down sides of privilege to move right to this. In that case, the facilitator should lead the group in a Listening Pair on the topic of “What might be the down side or the negative impact of privilege in our lives?” In the Listening Pair the talker should start by naming the privilege identities they feel comfortable sharing and then focus on the question above. After the Listening Pair, take comments from the group.
The facilitator should first use the same identity that they talked about before. For example, as an able bodied person, my privilege teaches me to view myself as a victim when I have to park “so far away,” instead of using the close parking spaces designed for the “handicapped people who have it easy.” This is the trap of victim hood that often comes with the entitlement of privilege.
The group should then toss the stuffed animal up and catch it in the net and take a SMALL step inward. As the group continues, the net will not be a net for long and soon it will look more like a trap. Also, as the group continues it will be harder and harder to toss the stuffed animal up. Once all people have had a turn, stop the group and take the trap out of their hands by pinching the top and trapping the stuffed animal inside. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 269 of 356
The facilitator says, “When we allow the tunnel vision of privilege to narrow our perspective, we see a wonderful safety net. But when we broaden our perspective, we see that we are trapped inside a culture of privilege that has us confined by others, expectations of us and feeling pressure to pursue things that don’t really bring us happiness (materialism, status and competition at all costs)”.
This trap is designed to keep us from our most valuable freedoms – the freedom to live as heroes and heroines in our everyday lives… the freedom to fully live our deepest desires of compassion, love and caring… the freedom to accept how broken our hearts are over the injustice in the world… the freedom to notice how out of touch we have become from our humanity, our power, and our possibility.
Processing Questions: What was this like for people? Did you become aware of anything new? If so what? Was it harder for you to come up with how your privileged identity is a safety net or a trap? Why? How can we use the knowledge from this activity to be better allies to each other?
Concern: You will want to take small enough steps so that you end with the last person in the group speaking, and the net in the position of a sack.
Facilitator Resources: • See Understanding the Systems of Oppression Handout and Reclaiming our Humanity in the Face of Our Conditioning of Privilege Handout. • This activity can work well following the privilege identification activity.
Created by Anthony Harris [email protected] with contributions from Marilyn Levin www.marilylevin.com
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SCARCITY TO SUFFICIENCY ACTIVITY
Potential use: To explore the concepts of scarcity and sufficiency. To examine the impact these have in our lives and commit to a plan of action for growth.
Preparation: Prepare signs and place them on the wall five to ten feet apart from each other for small groups and farther apart for large groups. Signs should say: “Mostly Grounded in Scarcity,” “Partially Grounded in Scarcity,” “Conflicted or Uncertain,” “Partially Grounded in Sufficiency” and “Mostly Grounded in Sufficiency” (in that order).
Facilitation Procedures: Start with familiarizing participants with the concepts of scarcity and sufficiency found in the Transforming Scarcity to Sufficiency Chapter. Use the Transforming Scarcity to Sufficiency Handout so participants grasp the concepts and begin to have an understanding of how these concepts play out in their lives. Also see www.globalsufficiency.org .
Then tell participants that you will be reading from a list of items and that they should stand by the sign that best fits their reaction to the item when read out loud. Read off a list of events beginning with the benign and slowly moving into the more troubling as your group demonstrates that the emotional safety is present to do so. See below for suggestions.
Start with an example for the group. Give the example of having a minor car accident. Explain that if you were mostly grounded in sufficiency, your reaction would sound like, “I’m glad that no one got hurt; I’m really pleased that I have insurance; and I’m really glad that I have the time to handle today.” You would be focusing on all the assets that you have to handle the problem. Then explain that if you were mostly grounded in scarcity, you would www.MarilynLevin.com Page 271 of 356
be focusing on all of the damage and negative consequences of the accident rather than you’re your capacity and resources to deal with it. If you were in the middle category of conflicted or uncertain, then you would either focus on both the problem and the capacity equally, or you would not know what your reaction would be because it might depend on a number of things. If you were partially focused in sufficiency, you would focus more on the capacity than the problem and if you were partially focused on scarcity, you would be more focused on the problem than your capacity to handle it.
Suggested list of items to read out loud: Choose minor, moderate, serious or very serious versions of the following: health problems, dental problems, delays in schedules, computer problems, confrontations, disappointments, harm to yourself, harm to loved ones, threats to self, threats to loved ones, weather problems, transportation problems, technology problems, interpersonal problems, money problems, other resource problems, emotional confrontations or mistreatment, physical confrontations or mistreatment, material losses, human losses, physical losses, losses of opportunity or personal, familial, friendship, community or global challenges. The list can include almost anything that we deal with in life.
Processing Procedures: The facilitator should ask questions to explore aspects of these topics throughout the process of asking people to stand by the sign that fits their reaction. Ask questions like, “So why did you stand by that sign? What factors came into play for your choice of the sign to stand by? Have you always reacted this way to this type of situation? Why do you think you react this way to this particular situation?”
Then, if time allows, further processing is very useful. I suggest having participants use Listening Pairs to explore questions like, “So how might I begin to shift from reactions based in scarcity to more reactions based in sufficiency? How might I go about this and where can I get support in doing this?” Then you can follow by having the participants share what they gained out of the Listening Pairs with the whole group. You can do another Listening Pair focused on “The commitment I will make to myself around shifting from scarcity to sufficiency is...” Have everyone share this with the group as a closing. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 272 of 356
Variation: If time allows you can help move people along in the process of exploring a shift from scarcity to sufficiency. This involves having the participants identify one or more areas where they are currently reacting from a place of scarcity but would like to shift to a reaction of sufficiency. They identify what it will look like (behaviorally) when they reach their goal for each area of improvement. Then they identify when they want to reach their goal and what their plans are to reach it. Use the Transforming Scarcity into Sufficiency Activity worksheet to guide people in this process.
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SELF CARE CIRCLE ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity explores self care within the context of our often chaotic lives.
Preparation: The facilitator will need six to twelve stuffed animals, six to twelve non-stuffed items (balls, balloons, etc.) that can be tossed, three to four crumpled pieces of paper and a cup full of water. Make sure there is enough room for the group to make a circle.
Facilitation Procedures: Begin with everyone in a circle. The facilitator should be part of the circle with a toss-able item in hand. Tell participants to start with their left hand up to indicate that they haven't gotten the item yet and to put down their left arm once they have the item in hand. Tell participants that we are establishing a sequence and they should remember who threw the item to them and whom they threw the item to. The Facilitator is the first and last person in the sequence. Then toss the item around to establish the sequence. Have participants say their name to the name of the person they are tossing to (i.e. Chia to Roberto). Have the catcher say thank you and use the tosser’s name (i.e. thank you Chia) then say their name to the next person’s name (i.e. Roberto to Sally).
After the sequence is set, go through the sequence again once or twice until the group clearly remembers it. Then explain that this activity will now progress from a name game to an activity that will help us look at self-care.
Explain that the stuffed animals (have six to twelve items) represent the people you work with and are tossed in the sequence that has been established. The non-stuffed animal items (again six to twelve items) represent the other responsibilities you have at work (i.e. paper work, meetings, etc.) and are tossed in the opposite direction of the sequence. The three or four www.MarilynLevin.com Page 274 of 356
pieces of crumpled paper will represent the random problems and challenges that come up for you to deal with at work and these can be tossed anywhere. The cup of water (full) represents your well being and is to be handed around the circle. You will want to practice tossing the non stuffed animal items in the reverse order first before proceeding with all parts of the activity at once.
When ready to go, the facilitator starts all items going and lets the activity unfold. There is usually laughter, tension, dropping of items, etc. You do want to make it challenging enough that there is chaos and mistakes. You do this by item selection (using some items that are hard to toss and catch) and pacing of the different tasks. The facilitator is the first and last person in the sequence and starts the crumpled paper and water in the circle. It usually works best to end the activity before participants have completed passing all of the items through the sequence because it leaves more issues to process.
Processing Questions: What did folks do as a group to make this activity go well? What was most challenging about the activity? In what ways does this remind us of our lives? How did we do with each type of item that represented different responsibilities? How do we make decisions about what to let fall through the cracks (like items that ended up on the floor) and what not to let fall through the cracks – in this activity? – In our lives? What interfered with our focus on self care in this activity? How can we take the things we did well in this activity and apply it to our lives around self care?
Variations: Social Justice Framing: Have the animals represent the people impacted by the systems of oppression and the non- animals represent the structures and systems that perpetuate oppression. This will bring up self care issues in the context of working for a world free from oppression. One part of which is the dual pressures of working to assist people in dealing with oppression while working to change the system that perpetuates oppression.
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Self Care Emphasis: Ahead of time, you can set it up to have participants really focus on self-care in the chaos of the activity. Tell them not to worry about spills, dropping of toss- able items, and to focus more on self care than on excelling in the activity. Have them notice their feelings and stress levels as the activity is being played out. Have them notice and recognize the signals of their mind and body regarding stress during the activity.
Facilitator Resources: • Use Finding Our Way Through the Systems of Oppression Handout to explore healthy ways to handle the realities of the challenges we face in tackling oppression.
• Also see Reclaiming Our Humanity Chapter for points to interject. An important one covered in the chapter is the concept of integrity. Integrity involves knowing what is ours to do versus what is theirs to do and knowing that tools we have to do work on our mind, body, heart and soul. Integrity requires that we care for these tools in a way that maximizes their benefits to the world
Created by Marilyn Levin www.marilynlevin.com and Lea Arellano www.humansolutions.us
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SPECTRUM OF IDENTITY ACTIVITY
ADVANCED ACTIVITY – USE WITH CARE
Potential use: To have participants reflect on identity labels for themselves and others. To discuss a number of topics related to identity labels (complexities, meanings, consequences, alternatives).
Preparation: You will want a fair amount of emotional safety in the group before using this activity. You need seven pieces of flip chart paper, and at least sixteen wide markers that write in a way that can be seen from a distance (i.e. not yellow and not thin). The paper should all be laid out horizontally. Write the following in large letters at the top of the first four pieces of paper (one label per sheet): List your Race or Ethnicity List your Spirituality or Religion List any disabilities you believe that you have List your age and age label you would give yourself
On the next three sheets draw an inverted arc (rainbow shape) across the sheet and put “Place Yourself on this Spectrum” at the top of each sheet. Then label each sheet with one of the spectrums below, putting the label right below the “Place Yourself on this Spectrum.” You will additionally label parts of the arc as instructed below:
Class: Label the left side of the arc Lower, the middle part Middle and the right part Upper
Sexual Orientation: Label the left side of the arc Heterosexual, the middle part Bisexual and the right part Homosexual (leave out if unsafe to include) www.MarilynLevin.com Page 277 of 356
Gender Identity: Label the left side of the spectrum Masculine, the middle part Androgynous and the right part Feminine
Hang the sheets up on the wall as far away from each other as possible and at a height where everyone in the room can write on them. Place two (or more) markers by each sheet. Have several facilitators or someone else fill out the sheets before the activity begins so that participants can see how to do each sheet and see that others are willing to disclose.
Facilitation Procedures: Explanation to give to participants: “This next activity is for us to learn more about the identity labels we choose for others and ourselves, and to explore the complexities that go along with having identity labels, as well as the consequences of using identity labels.” “As you can see there are seven large sheets of paper posted on the walls and below the sheets are markers. You will need to move around the room and fill out each sheet. Half of the sheets ask you to list an identity and half of the sheets ask you to place a mark somewhere on a spectrum. If you have questions at any point feel free to ask and I will be happy to help. You will need to write clearly and large enough for your work to be seen from a distance.”
Emphasize this next part of the explanation. “This activity asks that you disclose a number of identity labels and if for ANY reason you feel it is not safe for you to do that, please do not do so. You are free to leave sheets blank or to write a label that is not true in order to protect yourself. If you choose to hide an identity of yours, it does NOT mean you are not proud of that part of who you are. It simply means that you feel it is not safe to disclose the identity here and now.”
Processing Procedures: If possible have the group sit in a circle to process but it works fine in an audience format too. To process the Spectrum of Identity Activity have a participant volunteer to hold up one of the sheets for the group to see, while another participant volunteers to read the sheet and discuss what they see on the sheet to the rest of the group. Do this for each of the sheets. Facilitator should add in appropriate points and take comments from the group as each sheet is discussed. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 278 of 356
Suggested closure for the processing segment is to articulate how wonderful and amazing it is that we have a wide variety of differences in people that enhance the vitality and excitement of our experience of life. And that it is ultimately the most useful for us all to embrace our individual identities AND to surrender to our humanity as our core identity and to make a choice to interact with each other from our humanity to their humanity.
Variations: Have people actually do a physical line up (in a rainbow shape to enhance communication) with each of the identity areas. For the identity categories that are already set up in a spectrum have participants line up based on the spectrum as laid out on the sheet. For the identity categories that are not set up in a spectrum you can have participants pick a word that describes that identity and then line up alphabetically by label (i.e. for age and elder would line up by the E’s and a Youth would line up by the Y’s). Or you can assign a label within a category as the standard to line up on (i.e. for Religion they could line up by most to least Protestant or most to least Buddhist, or for Race they could line up on most to least Person of color, or most to least white).
You can also choose to mix up the standard ways of thinking about Identity to get participants thinking about assumptions. For example the Sexual orientation spectrum could be changed from heterosexual, bisexual and homosexual to a spectrum of mono sexual and bisexual. Or you could do two separate class spectrums – one based on where we would place ourselves within the United States and one based on the world.
I usually combine this activity with the Bingo Activity and Pair’s Celebrations Activity because it is more engaging and provides a bit more anonymity for each person’s identities when participants are focused on more than just the identity sheets. If you add in Bingo and Pairs Celebrations, the explanation would go as follows. “I can tell this group is up for challenges, so we will actually be doing three activities at once – Spectrum of Identity, the activity I just described, Bingo and Pairs Celebrations, which I’ll describe now.
For Bingo, each person needs a bingo sheet and a writing instrument. You must have each square on your bingo sheet signed by someone in the group for which the statement in the www.MarilynLevin.com Page 279 of 356
square is true (each person in the group can only sign your sheet once). You get one free square and one square for you to sign. For Pairs Celebration you must introduce yourself to each person and create a celebration that is unique to you two before you sign each other’s Bingo sheet (i.e. double high five, special handshake, dance moves).” If you do the activity this way, the instructions to give are: “So let me review the challenge at hand. You need to accomplish three tasks before you succeed at this challenge. You must complete filling out the Spectrum Sheets (seven of them). You must create a Pair’s Celebration with every other person in the group. And you must have your Bingo sheet completely filled following the instructions I gave.”
Concerns: Do not use this activity until you have confidence there is enough safety that most participants will feel comfortable disclosing hidden identities and that the disclosures will not be met with teasing or exclusion or disrespect. Remind participants to be careful not to trip on loose markers when they are running around filling out the sheets.
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SUPPORT SEQUENCE : DEVELOPING A SKILL SET TO INCREASE TRUSTWORTHINESS
ADVANCED ACTIVITY – USE WITH CARE
Overall Potential use: This sequence is designed to identify and rehearse skills related to support. Teaching these skills will clarify how support skills are related to the feeling of trust. Participants will have the opportunity to actively practice giving and receiving support, while learning to recognize how their own behaviors contribute to feelings of trust and what support from others looks and feels like.
SKILL ONE : FOCUSED ATTENTION
MIRROR , MIRROR ACTIVITY : Potential use: In order to provide reasonable support, one must be able to focus their attention on the task at hand. It is virtually impossible to support someone while ignoring him or her or being distracted.
Preparation: Participants will need to find a partner.
Facilitation Procedures: This is a silent activity. Have participants stand facing each other. Instruct one person to move their body, very slowly, while the partner attempts to mimic their movements. After 2-3 minutes, have the pairs switch roles and repeat the activity. Finish the activity with each pair attempting to simultaneously follow each other, with no designated leader. Be sure to keep them working at each step for at least 2 minutes to challenge their ability to sustain attention. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 281 of 356
Processing Questions: What did it take to be successful? Which role was easiest: leader, follower or combined? Why? Which role was most difficult: leader, follower or combined? Why? How long could you stay focused? What makes you lose focus? How would you rate your ability to focus? Your partner’s?
Variations: Have a third person stand behind the leader and (silently) attempt to distract the “mirror.”
SKILL TWO : ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT OR NEED
MOON JUMPING ACTIVITY : Potential use: In order to get what we want or need, we must be able to identify and ask for what it is that we need. Often we expect others to know what we want, and then are disappointed when they don’t fulfill our desires. Clearly stating what we really want increases the likelihood of getting what we need or desire.
Preparation: Have the participants get into groups of three.
Facilitation Procedures: Each person will take turns being the “jumper” and the supporter. The supporters stand on each side of the jumper, who has his hands planted firmly on his hips. Each supporter holds onto the jumper with one hand gripping the upper arm, and the other hand gripping the lower arm, near the wrist. First the jumper jumps 3 times while the supporters simply allow the jumps. The jumper may then request a small “moon jump”. This time when the jumper leaps, the supporters lift gently, increasing the jumper’s height by one foot. The jumper now has the www.MarilynLevin.com Page 282 of 356
option of requesting a medium moon jump and eventually a large moon jump (supporters carefully lift above their heads) IF it is safe enough and is what the jumper wants.
Processing Procedures: How did it feel to be supported when you asked? Which role was easiest: jumper or supporter? Why? Which role was most difficult: jumper or supporter? Why? Who are your supporters in real life? What do you need to ask for at home? At school? From friends? How would you feel if someone asked you for support?
SKILL THREE : KNOWING YOUR LIMITS
BODY MECHANICS & LEAN ACTIVITIES : Potential use: In order to receive or provide reasonable support, one must know their own limits. These limits may be related to resources, abilities and common sense. Some people overextend themselves, and then feel frustrated when they can’t do it all or disappoint others. Occasionally we ask for something that the other person can’t possibly provide. Clearly understanding our own limits avoids these errors.
Preparation: Participants will need to find a partner.
Facilitation Procedures: Facilitators should model each phase before participants try. Body mechanics are essential in learning how our body and how our partners’ bodies work. Through body mechanics we allow the group to learn the safest positions for spotting and falling, by practicing trial and error. It’s important to remember that some participants will not be physically able to join some of these activities; please offer them other ways of helping, encouraging, or spotting. Other participants www.MarilynLevin.com Page 283 of 356
will be reluctant to join because of feeling physically uncomfortable; try your best to encourage them to challenge themselves.
Pushover: Have the partners stand face to face with their feet together, toes touching. Their hands are up in the air prepared to give one another a double high five. Each pair will lean into one another and push off of their partner’s hands. This will be repeated until someone “falls” (takes a step back or loses their balance). Once someone “falls,” have the partners take a step back from one another. Repeat a few times and then switch the footing to the “spotter position,” one foot in front of the other, knees slightly bent. Show the group the advantage of this position by rocking with your knees while keeping your feet in place. Repeat the “pushing.”
Leans: Reinforce honesty and responsibility. Explain the rules and safety issues. Go over the commands as a group. The entire group should be repeating them with you. The commands are listed below. Have partners spread out and give one another room. The participants need to decide who is leaning and who is spotting first. The leaner stands with her back to the spotter, arms crossed over the chest, and feet crossed. The spotter stands behind the leaner, one foot in front of the other, arms up at the shoulder level, just a couple of inches away. The leaner is the one taking the risk, so she initiates the commands and ends them. The commands are as follows:
Leaner Spotter “Spotter Ready?” “Ready” “Ready to Fall?” “Fall Away” “Falling”
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Once the commands are finished, the leaner will lean back into the spotter, keeping their body stiff as a board and their feet together. The spotter will catch them and then stand the leaner back onto their feet, “grounding” them. The partners will switch and repeat. If the pair feels comfortable they, can make the lean a longer distance, but never more than six to ten inches.
Processing Procedures: What are the “limits” in this activity? Which role was easiest: leaner or supporter? Why? Which role was most difficult: leaner or supporter? Why? How far could you lean? What makes you feel supported? How did it feel to support someone else? What are your limits in life?
Concerns: Demonstrate NOT being ready to support someone, and knowing your limits. When preparing for the trust leans it’s important to talk about safety concerns to the group first. No lean takes place without staff present. No first lean takes place without the facilitator or staff familiar to the process present. It is this staff’s job to watch the spotting, the commands, and most importantly the lean itself. Feel free to stop the process at anytime you don’t feel the situation is safe. If you stop the lean, make sure you process why you did so with the participant. Do not start until you feel confidant, that the situation is safe.
Activity Adapted from Silver Bullets by Bobbi L. Beale, Psy.D. [email protected]
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TAKE A STAND ACTIVITY
ADVANCED ACTIVITY – USE WITH CARE
Potential use: This activity allows people to discuss common ethical dilemmas related to issues of diversity and injustice. People are asked to agree, disagree or express their uncertainty about statements read by the facilitator by moving to the appropriate sign. Then facilitator guides the participants in a discussion of multiple aspects of the statement, correcting misinformation and allowing for respectful and enlightened discussions.
Preparation: The following needs to be established before doing this activity: high degree of emotional safety, demonstrated capacity to have open minded discussions, and a facilitator who has a high level of awareness/understanding of diversity and injustice.
Post three signs saying, “yes/agree,” “no/disagree,” and “uncertain.” Position these signs in separate areas of the room.
Facilitation Procedure: Read purpose above and explain that the format of the activity is to provide an opportunity to hear a variety of perspective on a topic. This is not a debate. It is a chance to practice listening fully and being open to others perspectives.
Encourage participants to be aware of various words, definitions, perspectives and ways of understanding the topics that are discussed. Encourage participants who change their minds in the process, to move at any point. Read the selected statement and then wait for participants to take a stand for their position. Ask which group wants to speak first, or simply pick one to speak first. Take several comments from each group. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 286 of 356
One of the things that you want to do during the activity is to point out when people are thinking they disagree, but actually have areas of agreement, which they cannot yet see due to their different perspective or word use. One of the objectives of this activity is to demonstrate how people often actually agree when they believe they are disagreeing. Another objective is to show how people have various definitions and uses of words, which lead them to believe they are disagreeing.
Take A Stand Statements: • We should respect all cultures. • Good allies always object to oppressive statements and actions. • Immigrants should assimilate into their new culture. • It is acceptable to reclaim hurtful language (i.e. bitch, dyke, and nigger). • It is OK for people in oppressed groups to mistrust people in privileged groups. • Internalized oppression is the most limiting form of oppression. • It is important to be tolerant of cultural practices that you view as oppressive. • People with disabilities should always have the right to demand equal access. • Huge strides have been made in decreasing racism (oppression, sexism). • Sexism (Racism or other isms) is mostly a thing of the past. • It is ethically acceptable to live a middle class life, in spite of the poverty that exists throughout the world. • Being wealthy is morally unacceptable, given the poverty in the world. • Mental health conditions should be thought of, and treated the same, as physical health conditions. • It is important to be politically correct. • Politically correct language serves an important purpose. • People in privileged groups should be held accountable for the damage of their ancestors. • It is my responsibility to know what to do and say to support people in oppressed groups. • Corporations are largely responsible for economic oppression. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 287 of 356
• A multi-issue approach to injustice is the most effective one. • All forms of oppression are pretty much the same. • It is important to approach controversial topics in a calm and rational manner. • It is acceptable to attempt to convert people to your religion or other belief. • People in oppressed groups will always understand oppression better than people in privileged groups. • It is vital to love and accept yourself, in order to decrease your prejudice. • People in oppressed groups who can pass as members of the privileged group have it easier. • Separatist spaces (spaces that are only for one identity group) are important and necessary. • It is philosophically inconsistent to be for abortion and against the death penalty or vice versa.
Processing Procedure: Facilitators should role model, and encourage participants to be honest about what they really know and don’t. There is such cultural pressure to pretend that we know even when, or especially when we don’t and think we should know. It is much better to acknowledge the complexities and the partial knowing that allows for openness to new ideas and information. So don’t be afraid to say you don’t know, or that you are not sure or that you need to consider it more.
Variations: You can do the perspective activity to frame the Take a Stand Activity around being open minded. See the Transforming Our Worldview Chapter. You can also do the Hand Slap and/or the Polarization Activity before Take a Stand to reframe how we think of and treat those who disagree with us.
Concerns: Be sure to only read statements in which you have some level of competence to avoid the pitfall of not being able to accurately address misinformation during the discussion. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 288 of 356
For example: Before you would read the “We should respect all cultures” statement, you would want to be comfortable addressing the fact that people have a variety of different understandings of what respect and culture means. And that culture is different from cultural practices within any culture. It is possible to dislike damaging cultural practices within any culture including our own, while still supporting the overall culture.
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TRIANGLE , CIRCLES , SQUARES ACTIVITY
ADVANCED ACTIVITY – USE WITH CARE
Potential Uses: This activity is helpful in exploring our worldviews and our relationship to cultural differences.
Preparation: Triangle, Circles, Squares Activity usually takes between forty-five minutes to an hour and fifteen minutes. Fifteen to forty participants work best. Appropriate for ages sixteen to adult. Paper and straight pins (safety pins also work) are needed to complete this activity.
Previous to the activity cut paper into squares, triangles, and circles in the following proportions, sixty percent of total participants cut square, twenty five percent of total participants cut circles, fifteen percent of total participants cut triangles. The critical components are that, there are more squares than circles and triangles combined and there are more circles than triangles. Distribute pins and have participants pin shapes on clothing.
Facilitation Procedure: Have participants gather by their assigned shapes. I usually have the squares gather at the front of the room and the circles and triangles to gather at either side of the back of the room. It is helpful for the groups to be as far apart as possible to assure the “other” groups do not hear the instructions I give to each group. Placing the squares in the front of the room puts them in a location of “power”.
Give each group their instructions. I preface each group’s “rule/goal” with, “I am going to tell you your secret rule/goal – it is critical that you follow this secret rule/goal.” Only tell each group their rule, do not, for example, tell the squares the circle’s rule. Group rules/goals are as follows: www.MarilynLevin.com Page 290 of 356
Square rule: “You have it, and you do not want anybody else to have it” Circle rule: “You want to be a square.” Triangle rule: “You want what the squares have. You do not want to be a square, but you want what they have.”
After telling the participants there rule/goals then tell all three groups to “Go to it!” Participants usually ask questions about what they should do – and I usually say, “Accomplish your goal.” If they ask questions about what they can or should do, I usually say, “It is up to you, obviously within safety bounds.”
Triangle, Circles, Squares activity usually ends with this typical pattern of results. For about five minutes, the circles and triangles will chase the squares and try to thieve things from them. The squares respond by running away from the circles and triangles and/or form some physically cohesive group (i.e. lock arms) such that the triangles and circles cannot penetrate the boundaries. The triangles and circles give up and go back to their original grouping place to confer about a plan of action. During this time, the squares are usually in fairly good spirits and chat about nothing in particular. The triangles and circles usually join together and begin discussing their respective goals. They may even ask the squares their goal, but the squares do not usually reveal it. Often a few individuals within the triangles and circles suggest that they all remove their shapes. Others in the group usually respond that they do not want to because being a triangle/circle is important to them. As the circles and triangles discuss their positions, the squares usually become quite attentive to the fact that the circles and triangles no longer seem to be as interested in the squares. At this point, the squares frequently become “worried” and try to re-engage the circles and the triangles. From this point forward, groups usually discuss the logistics of the “rules/goals”. The triangles and circles try to convince the squares that everyone can get along, while the squares stubbornly disagree. Many times, some individual squares will break from the group and join the circles and triangles.
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Processing Procedure: I begin with the triangles, then circles, then squares and ask them what it was like to be a triangle/circle/square. The triangles and circles basically say it was frustrating. The squares usually have the most negative response. Many individuals are very uncomfortable playing that role. I often ask why they followed through with the “rule”. They respond because I told them to do it. We then compare societal “undercurrents/rules” to the “rule/goal” I gave them, and how both are difficult to fight.
I usually frame this activity in terms of working with individuals from different cultures and review the following. Historically, two approaches to examining multicultural issues. The first is Emic that emphasizes cultural, racial, and ethnic differences among people. Assumption is the need to master all characteristics of the variety of culture, racial, ethnic groups. “Multicultural cookbook”, recipes include checklist of group’s characteristics and instructions regarding how to interact. The second approach is Etic which emphasizes the commonalities between people, by focusing on the cultural and may lose sight of the personal, and tends to ignore specific cultural influences.
The more recent approach is Optimal Theory, all relationships are multicultural in that all people are the same and different. A Three-part model can be used. One, human universality those things that everyone has in common (i.e. smile = happiness). Two, cultural specificity is the specific beliefs, behaviors, norms, and customs of a particular culture (i.e. it is disrespectful to look authority figures in the eye). Three, individual uniqueness the characteristics specific to the individual based on experiences, abilities, family, etc. (i.e. outgoing vs. shy; good at math vs. athletics). Neglecting any one of the three will result in an incomplete picture. Implications, self-knowledge allows one to appreciate others views, also exploration of perceptions and interpretations of others. Unexamined, ones’ own sense of reality/worldview is frequently perceives as universal and just (I follow this up with the attached written assignment).
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HU
CS IU
Carmen R. Wilson, Department of Psychology, and University of Wisconsin – La Crosse, developed Triangles, Circles, Squares. Please feel free to contact her with questions, comments, or modifications.
Some info taken from: Speight, S. L., Myers, L. J., Cox, C. I., & Highlen, P. S. (1991). A redefinition of multicultural counseling. Journal of Counseling and Development , 70, 29-36. Modified 02/09/07
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WRITING /T HOUGHT EXERCISES TO ACCOMPANY THE TRIANGLES , CIRCLES , SQUARES ACTIVITY .
I have developed two “levels” of this assignment. Level 1 is somewhat more concrete and, therefore, “easier”. Level 2 is more abstract, and therefore more appropriate for individuals who have more experience with thinking about worldviews as a whole as well as their own worldview.
Level 1: Optimal Theory suggests that self-knowledge is an important tool in the ability to appreciate others' views. Unexamined, one's own sense of reality/worldview is frequently perceived as universal and just. The purpose of this assignment is to encourage you to explore your own worldview.
The task is to identify and discuss 5 of your central values--things, concepts, ideas, etc. which are very important to you. In your discussion, include how you developed that value, and what about that value is important to you. Some things you might want to consider in determining how you developed your particular values are: 1. Social political climate (as you were growing up, current climate) 2. Family influenced (past and present, possibly extended) 3. Personal characteristics (abilities, experiences) 4. Gender 5. Cultural/ethnic background
Level 2: As we discussed, identifying our own worldview and values is critical to avoid the assumption that what we believe is universal and just. Before you can keep from imposing your values on others, you must know what it is that you do value. Therefore the purpose of this assignment is for you to begin/continue to explore you own worldview.
Your task is to think about/write a paper which: a. Describes your personal worldview. Use the six dimensions listed below to structure your discussion. b. Identifies the types of individuals with whom you could work more easily, as well as those with whom you would have more difficulty.
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1. Social, economic, and political climate - Where were you raised? What is the climate you are currently experiencing? (i.e. recession, unemployment, family income, discrimination, prosperity, liberalism, conservatism, educational opportunity, etc.)
2. Family influences - What were/are your family experiences, both as a child and at the present time? (i.e. nuclear or extended family, roles of members, values transmitted, socialization, childrearing practices)
3. Personal characteristics and experiences - What are your abilities, experiences, personality characteristics, capabilities, education, talents, and physical abilities?
4. Spirituality - What are your religious beliefs or philosophy of life? What is the meaning you ascribe to the human condition? What are your personal ethics? How do you transmit these into behavior?
5. Gender - How as your gender and the socialization of males and females influences your experiences and expectations of yourself and others?
6. Cultural background - What are the norms, values, beliefs, traditions, attitudes, languages of your ethnic and racial heritage? How have these influenced you?
Carmen R. Wilson, Department of Psychology, and University of Wisconsin – La Crosse, developed Triangles, Circles, Squares. Please feel free to contact her with questions, comments, or modifications.
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TUG OF WAR ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity explores how the system of oppression can pit us against one another and how we can overcome this to solve mutual problems.
Facilitation Procedure: Pair participants up with another person of similar strength. Give each pair a rope to tug and a line in between them (use another piece of rope or masking tape). Have them envision an entrenched problem and pretend that their partner represents the person (or type of person) who represents the opposing side of this problem.
FIRST ROUND : Have participants play a standard round of tug of war. The winner is the one who pulls the other person across the line. Let them know that you do not want them to cooperate with each other at this stage.
SECOND ROUND : Then have participants play tug of war again. This time they should both start pulling hard and then the person that is bigger should take a step in towards the other person. Then they start tugging again and the smaller person takes a step towards the other person. Ask participants what it was like when the other person who started out as their adversary took a step towards them. Ask them if anything changed between the two of them and/or changed within each of them.
THIRD ROUND : Then have the pair play tug of war one more time starting off pulling against each other. Then on the count of three each person in the pair takes a step towards each other www.MarilynLevin.com Page 296 of 356
together. Then have each person in the pair stand side to side facing the rope together. Ask participants what that was like for them.
Then gather the entire group together to process the activity.
Processing Questions/Themes: What was this whole activity like for you? Are there ways in which you get into battles with others that don’t make sense? Did any new insights come up for you about conflict or problem solving? How might this activity help us with people we have problems with or disagree with? How might we approach conflict more effectively in our lives?
Oppression: The system of oppression pits us against each other, tricking us into believing that we are each other’s problem rather than realizing that the system of oppression is the problem for both of us. How we can join together to address the problems with the system that hurts us both? In this process, we get to reconnect with each other and reclaim closeness between human beings. Show how metaphorically we need to shift from facing each other to standing together both facing the problem.
Conflict: The ways in which we are choosing to handle conflict in our world right now are largely ineffective. The cultural conditioning we get can lead us to think that rigid resistance to the “other side” is the way to be strong and get results. Rather than buying into this myth, we can develop the flexibility and creativity to find mutually beneficial solutions to problems that would last because they would benefit everyone.
Facilitator Resources: • See Understanding Oppression Handout • See Transforming the Systems of Oppression Chapter • See Tips for Transforming Conflict Handout • Commonly Used Distinctions on Conflict Handout www.MarilynLevin.com Page 297 of 356
WHAT WORKERS EARN ACTIVITY
Potential use: The What Workers Earn Activity is to raise the awareness of the pay differential between “workers” and CEOs in different countries.
Preparation: The facilitator will need to label six pieces of paper with United States worker, United States CEO, German worker, German CEO, Japanese worker, Japanese CEO. Participants will need room to take two hundred and twelve steps forward.
Facilitation Procedure: Ask for six volunteers and give each one the six pieces of paper above. Explain that they represent workers and company executives in each of the three counties represented. Ask the CEO’s to partner up with the worker from their country standing side by side. All six participants should be standing together facing the same direction.
Next, have the Japanese CEO take sixteen steps forward. This is the difference between what a CEO is paid in Japan and what a worker earns. Japanese CEO’s are paid sixteen times what the average worker in Japan earns in wages.
Now, have the German CEO take twenty-one steps forward. This shows the difference between the average German worker and CEO wages. German CEO’s are paid twenty-one times what the average worker in Germany earns in wages.
Ask participants to guess what the situation in the United States looks, like. Is the ratio of worker pay to CEO pay greater or smaller in the United States than in Germany and Japan? Then ask the United States CEO to take forty-four steps forward. This is the wage gap in the United States in 1965. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 298 of 356
Then proceed to ask the participants if they think the wage gap has become more equal or more divided over the last 30 years? Take some guesses and then ask the CEO to take an additional one hundred and sixty eight steps forward. This represents the wage gap in 1995 between United States CEO’s and workers. In 1995 the average CEO was paid two hundred and twelve times what the average United States worker earns.
Processing Questions: What do you think about these pay differentials? Do you think they are justified? If so, why? What factors come in to play that impact the differences between countries? If we don’t support the differences, what can we do to create changes?
This Activity is adapted from the American Friends Service Committee Help Increase the Peace Program Manual, Second Edition. 1999
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TURNSTILES ACTIVITY
Potential Uses: This is a highly physical activity that can be used to explore the challenges of living within the Systems of Oppression.
Preparation: You will need a long heavy jump rope, 30–75 feet, an assistant to turn the rope with you and open space! For space, consider a wheelchair accessible field, playground, or gymnasium as per participant need.
Facilitation Procedures: Have all the participants stand on one side of the length of the rope in a large group. State the task/objective, which is for the entire group to cross from one side to the other without breaking any of the rules. Inform the participants that at each time the group attempts the challenge, you will start turning the rope before they attempt. State that if a rule is broken, everyone must go back and start over.
The Rules are: - Someone must be going through the rope, or in it, at all times. - You may not trip up the rope. - You may not go behind the rope turners.
You can give groups planning time or not, depending on your goals and the size of the group. With a small, physically able group make sure to add extra challenges (see variations below).
Processing Procedures: With this activity it is possible that challenges for the group will emerge with regard to how the group members treat each other. For example, often times people will act in discriminatory www.MarilynLevin.com Page 300 of 356
ways towards those with extra challenges (real or assigned), and you can use that to process and debrief the way we tend to treat people with disabilities in our everyday lives.
Also people may get overly zealous about the challenge at hand and not necessarily take care of people, especially people who have extra challenges. This presents an opportunity to talk about those issues. For instance, we are pulled in our “earn money at any cost” culture to “get ahead,” which often blinds us to doing a good job of being mindful of, and working with people that have extra challenges.
Turnstiles is a good activity for bringing up frustration and the way people cope with frustration, which presents another group challenge to talk about. This activity could help determine how safe the group is. If they treat each other respectfully, inclusively, and don’t tease people who miss or trip, they could be viewed as safe.
This is a good activity to use with groups that really want a good physical challenge.
As a facilitator of this activity turning the rope, you have a strong degree of control over whether people get through or not. This can be a tool you don’t want to blatantly abuse, as your group members also need to be able to trust you.
Variations: Offer other challenges to supplement the original objective: For example, two or more people pass through, remaining physically in contact, before entering and until they exit the turnstile, enter and exit backwards, skipping, or singing a show tune or reciting a favorite poem, a set number of people passing through in a given length of time, the number of people going through simultaneously, or offer the participants to design their own challenge after a successful round (facilitator OK needed).
Use challenges to act as metaphors for the challenges associated with oppression: You can achieve challenges that do not seem do-able and use it as a metaphor for diversity. For example, people do it backward, blindfolded, with a chair, etc. You can set the group up to reflect certain types of diversity, if it does not already exist. Be watchful that no one who an www.MarilynLevin.com Page 301 of 356
extra challenge gets left behind or left out. Remember to be careful with safety issues as people cross the rope, and direct the group members to do likewise.
Concerns: People could get bonked on the head or in the face by the heavy rope. People could trip on the rope and land in a number of uncomfortable positions.
Activity adapted by Mart Perkin, M.A. [email protected] and Marilyn Levin www.marilynlevin.com
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UNDERSTANDING OPPRESSION ACTIVITY
Potential use: To become familiar with some of the basic terms and concepts associated with oppression. This enables the group to gain a common understanding from which to begin exploring the subject.
Preparation: This activity should be done fairly early along in the process. The following needs to be established before doing this activity: moderate degree of emotional safety, demonstrated ability to be open to exploration of this topic without getting triggered into coping mechanisms (i.e. defensiveness, disinvestment).
Distribute the Understanding the Systems of Oppression Handout to each participant. If you wish to explore the levels of oppression further, the facilitator can use Redefining Violence handout.
Facilitation Procedures: The facilitator explains the purpose of the activity (see above) and explains that given the nature of the topic we are likely to get pulled towards one or more defense mechanisms as we explore this topic, usually without even noticing the pull. In order to help us understand this we will start with a Listening Pair - 3 minutes for each person. The focus of this Listening Pair will be “The messages I got growing up about paying attention to oppression were…” and “How my family chose to cope with the existence of oppression was...”
After the Listening Pair, have participants share what came up with the rest of the group. One example would be that many families, especially families with a lot of privilege, choose to be mostly oblivious to oppression and its impact on them. Another example might be a family that
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chose to adopt an intense victimization stance, focusing exclusively on the negative impacts and who was to blame.
Next take the participants through the Understanding the Systems of Oppression Handout. Go slowly and stop at any point to check for understanding, do Listening Pairs to explore a part of the handout or throw in a light and lively activity to bring the energy of the group up if needed.
At the end, there are seven different ways listed to explore the handout further. For each of these seven areas, you can use a small group or large group discussion format or a Listening Pairs format.
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WEALTH /V ALUES ACTIVITY
Potential use: This activity assists people in looking at where they fit within the United States and world perspective on wealth and helps them consider the level of investment they are willing to make to help create the world they wish for.
Preparation: Have the Wealth/Values Activity sheets, and writing utensils available for participants.
Facilitation Procedures: You have several options to guide people through the worksheet.
You can have them fill the entire form out individually and then use Listening Pairs to share what came out of the worksheet and the feelings it elicited with another person. Then you can lead a group discussion about what it was like for everyone.
You can have them fill it out section by section with Listening Pairs following each section and/or group discussions following each section.
Topics for Listening Pairs could include: • What feelings does this activity bring up? • How do these feelings impact your life around wealth and generosity? • What feelings are helpful and what feelings interfere? • How can we create support in our lives to align our investment in the world with our deepest humanity?
You can use an even more experiential approach by putting up income signs for the first section and having people stand by where they fit (make sure there is enough emotional safety for www.MarilynLevin.com Page 305 of 356
people to disclose their income first). Then you can post percentage signs for levels of giving that people are committing to and have people stand by where they fit and have a small group discussion with the others in their group. Again this variation requires enough safety for disclosure of income and giving.
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WEALTH /V ALUES ACTIVITY SHEET
How Wealthy Am I?
From a United States Perspective?
If my household earns $ 25,000 I make more than 21 percent of the US population If my household earns $ 50,000 I make more than 58 percent of the US population If my household earns $ 75,000 I make more than 77 percent of the US population If my household earns $100,000 I make more than 88 percent of the US population If my household earns $ 150,000 I make more than 95 percent of the US population If my household earns $ 200,000 or more I make more than 98 percent of the US population
From a World Perspective? Average annual per capita income is $800 (Current Population Survey, U.S. Bureau, Table HINC- 07, November, 2001.) 1.2 billion people struggle to survive on less than $1 per day and 3 billion people barely get by on less than $2 per day (World Ark Magazine May/June 2004).
How Generous Am I?
I want to be known for what I allocate instead of what I accumulate. I choose to align my resources with my deepest desires for humanity.
If I am inspired to invest 15% of my income in the world I wish for, I will invest $______this year. If I am inspired to invest 10% of my income in the world I wish for, I will invest $______this year. If I am inspired to invest 5% of my income in the world I wish for, I will invest $______this year. If I am inspired to invest 2% of my income in the world I wish for, I will invest $______this year.
Some of the extravagances I am happy to give up/cut back on in order to create the world I wish for include: ______
______
______
______
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INTRODUCTION TO HANDOUTS (L ISTED ALPHABETICALLY )
The handouts for everyone below can be used by people who are new to diversity and facilitation. For the rest of the handouts, I strongly recommend that you read the book chapters first. Below is a listing of the handouts and a brief explanation of contents and potential uses.
Each handout title is followed by a short description and then most are followed by one or two experiential ways to utilize them. Note that many of the suggestions for experiential ways to use the handouts can apply to multiple handouts.
HANDOUT FOR EVERYONE:
Commonly Used Distinctions on Conflict , courtesy of Search for Common Ground, is used to frame conflict in a way that can lead to a transformational different approach.
Group Agreements is the handout I use with most groups. It provides some suggestions for agreements for group interaction.
Self Care for Super Heroes and Sheroes is a top ten list of how to stay fully empowered as an amazing ally.
• Have participants check each item on the list that is currently going well. Then have them circle the ones they want to improve on. Then select a participant who is doing well in each of the ten items. They will be a volunteer to be a role model for that one item that is going well for them. They should stand apart from each other and hold up fingers to correspond to the number of the tip they are the role model for. Then participants looking to be mentored should go stand by the number of item they want to improve upon. The role model will lead a discussion about how to improve on their item. If time allows, you can have participants choose a second or third round and go to a new item each time.
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• Can also have participants create super ally capes to wear! Provide material and markers and let them create a cape that honors their inner supers/heroes. Encourage them to wear it in public!
Tips for Transforming Conflict provides new perspective on how to transform our approach to conflict.
Transforming Scarcity into Sufficiency gives an overview of the concepts of scarcity and sufficiency as taken from Lynne Twist’s book The Soul of Money .
HANDOUTS FOR PEOPLE WITH EXPERIENCE:
Amazing Allies and Other Super Heroes and Sheroes is a great handout to use whenever you are discussing the topic of allies.
Can White Heterosexual Men Understand Oppression? Courtesy of Cooper Thompson provides insights into to how white, heterosexual men view oppression and suggestions as to working effectively on the topic with them.
Effectively Handling Hurtful Remarks gives people creative approaches to address hurtful statements in empowering and constructive ways. There are a number of activities in the book that can be used to experientially demonstrate the methods in the handout including: Hand Fold, Thumb Wrestling, Appreciations and Arm Grab.
Embracing Our Connections is a synopsis of effective approaches to coalition building and to addressing social justice issues in a win-win fashion.
Finding Our Way Through the Systems of Oppression helps participants understand some of the dysfunctional ways we attempt to cope with the systems of oppression and provides a middle ground approach. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 309 of 356
• Have participants use a Listening Pair to decide into which one of these three they most fall into. Then have participants split into the three different groups. The two groups at the extremes will then discuss how they can take steps to move away from these extremes. The middle ground group can discuss how they can stay in the middle ground and help more people join the middle ground.
Healing Our Need for Trauma Drama – No More Victim and Villain helps participants to understand our cultural push to see the world in an us versus them fashion. It also helps participants identify ways in which they get caught up in playing victim and villain.
• Have participants give themselves one point for each statement that is somewhat true and two points for each one that is mostly true. Then have participants do a Line Up on how much they are trapped into playing a victim role and then do another line up for the villain role. Then do Listening Pairs to explore how to begin to heal the need to play these roles and where to get support to move forward on this.
Redefining Violence helps us look at the three levels of violence and individual, institutional and societal oppression.
Reclaiming Our Humanity is an overview of the approach suggested by this book.
Reclaiming Our Humanity in the Face of the Conditioning of Privilege provides an understanding of what the conditioning of privilege encourages in us and what reclaiming our humanity can encourage in us.
• Post signs at either ends of a wall that say Raised and Reclaimed. Then as you read each statement for the left side of the page and the corresponding from the right side of the page, have participants line up according to how they fit on this spectrum of extremes for this particular line in the text. Facilitate a discussion on each lineup as participants stand there. See Line Up Activity write up for more of an explanation. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 310 of 356
The Role of White People in Ending Racism serves as an excellent synopsis of how white people can work to end racism.
• This handout will work best if material is presented slowly and sections are intermixed with experiential activities to lighten the atmosphere. Use Listening Pairs to offload feelings that build up and remember to frequently remind people that are good.
Understanding the Systems of Oppression is the primary handout for use in teaching the basics of oppression.
See Understanding Oppression Activity for how to use this handout effectively.
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AMAZING ALLIES AND OTHER SUPER HEROES AND SHEROES
BECOMING THE ONE ’S WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR
“Hope is not what we find in evidence; it is what we become in action”. - Frances Moore Lappe
We generally think of an ally as a person who stands up for and supports others who are being picked on or put down in some way. Taking action to interrupt mistreatment is something that almost always makes sense. In doing so, you demonstrate your commitment to making the world a better place. A common definition of an ally is a person who uses the privileges they have to interrupt the damages of oppression and undo the systems of oppression.
While thinking of an ally as someone who helps others who are mistreated is helpful, it is even more productive to think of an ally as someone committed to a world that works for everyone. This way as an ally you stand up for everyone, you interrupt hurtful behavior towards anyone and you become an ally for the causes that benefit us all.
So, be an ally for both sides – for the bullied and the bully. Be an ally for justice, for fairness, for non- violence, and for a sustainable, peaceful world for all of us. Interrupt hurtful statements or demeaning behavior towards anyone. Interfere when anyone tries to make anyone else their enemy. And most importantly - be an ally for yourself! When your negative self talk kicks in and says nasty things about you – use your inner ally to quiet this ridiculous voice. When you are pulled to sabotage your life because you deep down don’t feel like you deserve better – use your inner ally to take action and save the day.
It can seem odd to say that we should be an ally for the bully, for those who cause harm, for the inconsiderate person who lashes out at others. The reason this makes sense is because no one is born to hate and to mistreat others. People become capable of mistreating others because they have been hurt themselves and because our culture teaches us to judge and demean others. People have to lose touch with their humanity and compassion to be capable of being hateful and hurtful.
To be capable of mistreating others is very damaging to us as human beings. If we love ourselves fully we do not need to be hateful or hurtful to anyone else. So when we interrupt mistreatment we do so for the bullied person and for the bully because it is helpful and healing to do so for both parties.
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TO INSPIRE AND EMPOWER THE AMAZING ALLY WITHIN , WE AGREE TO :
Remember to use the very best in us to inspire the best in others. It is a gift to reclaim our humanity and help others to do so as well.
Replace our biases based in our conditioning of oppression with our most humane qualities – compassion, passion and courage.
End persecution of ourselves and others - remembering that no one does their best while under attack.
Transition from scarcity to sufficiency. Moving from the unending quest for excess to noticing the enoughness all around us.
Have compassion for the cultural conditioning we have all received and be courageous in our commitment to reclaiming humanity.
Use active listening and active speaking to communicate effectively. Speaking from the best of who we are to the best in others.
End our participation in polarization and ground ourselves in interconnection.
Abandon sob stories and trauma drama that keeps us in the land of victim and villain.
Act bravely enough to make useful mistakes and own them without self criticism.
Redirect our desire to compete, excel and test our limits to tackle humanity’s biggest challenges.
Insist on the support we need to be fully empowered as amazing allies.
Acquire the art of appreciation and acknowledgement, inspiring people into the best of who they can be.
Encourage emotional flow instead of emotional control to offload feelings that interfere with our fabulousness.
Hang on to our sense of humor and zest for life!
Created by: Marilyn Levin www.marilynlevin.com
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CAN WHITE HETEROSEXUAL MEN UNDERSTAND OPPRESSION ?
By Cooper Thompson I am a white heterosexual man. For years I have struggled – sometimes with success -- to understand oppression and its impact on my life and the lives of others. For almost 30 years I’ve been leading workshops on sexism, homophobia and racism for organizations in the United States and Europe. There are almost always white heterosexual men in these workshops. Sometimes they are the majority of the participants, sometimes there are only one or two. It is clear to me that many of the men I have contact with have a difficult time accepting the notion that systemic oppression is real and has an impact on them, in addition to an impact on others. I believe that I understand some of our resistance to coming to terms with oppression. (Our,” “us” and “we” in this article refer to heterosexual white men.) In this article I’m going to use my own experience in learning about oppression to explore some of the barriers other heterosexual white men come up against in opening themselves to the meaning of oppressions.
I met my first outspoken feminist, a co-worker, in 1975. Like many men I refused to accept her words and experience as valid. With other men at my side, I teased her when she called attention to the sexism in our workplace. I didn’t understand what she was saying. I thought that I knew what was true in the world, and her version of the truth was different from mine. I was angry that she wanted a set of rules different from the one by which I had so carefully lived my life as a man. I also suspect that I was afraid of what she was proposing.
I liked this woman, and in the process of spending time together I began to question my assumptions about the world. One day we were rock climbing. She was able to complete a climb, while I got stuck below the difficult part of the rock face. I had always assumed that I would teach her about rock climbing; instead, I had to confront the fact that I needed her to teach me , to get me out of a tough spot. Over the next few years the process continued. As I allowed her experiences to sink in, they began to make sense to me, and I began to make connections between the oppression she experienced and my masculinity. I realized that my participation in sexism was restricting me as well as oppressing her. I began to feel angry about the ways in which I was limited to a particular set of human qualities, which the society had arbitrarily labeled “masculine.”
In time my questioning led me to think about the impact of homophobia and racism on my life and other men’s lives. Why was I so afraid of other men? Why did I work so hard to avoid the “feminine” part of myself? Why did I know so little about racism? Why was I afraid of people of color? I was also afraid that I might do or say something, which would be racist or homophobic! I struggled to do the right thing, to say what was politically correct; I was still stuck in having to be in control. I found myself afraid of being in new situations with lesbian and gay people and people of color. I feared that I would not know how to behave “appropriately.” For many years I either avoided such contact, or in situations where I did make contact I tried to be the expert on homophobia and racism. Both strategies prevented me from telling who I was and listening to who they were.
During these years, I began to hear and read about the privileges I get as a man, as a white person and as a heterosexual. I was able to see how oppressed persons—particularly women, people of color, and lesbians and gay men—are denied some of the rights I have. But it was difficult to translate that into the day-to-day experiences in which I benefited from the oppression. It was easier to see the ways in which the system was unfair to me . I had to be willing to stretch my perspective to see the ways in which I was privileged. From my experiences I have identified four barriers which kept me—and which I believe keeps many of us—from understanding oppression.
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Barrier #1 : Lack of information about the experience of oppression. As a child, and even as a young adult, I received little or no direct education about the oppression of women, lesbians and gay men or people of color. How, then, could I as an adult believe the claims of the oppressed?
Barrier #2 : Belief that we, the dominant group, have a market on the truth. Although I was never told directly those heterosexual white men are the bearers and protectors of truth in the world, I could not believe otherwise. God, political leaders, philosophers, judges, sports heroes, and my father— all were white men. The result was skepticism about the validity of other people’s perspectives. To understand oppression requires that we accept others’ experiences as truthful, even though they may be very different from ours.
Barrier #3 : Fear of offending members of oppressed groups and fear of their anger. On a very practical level, one of the results of “trying not to offend” members of oppressed groups is that heterosexual white men find it difficult to join any dialog about oppression when members of oppressed groups are present. We fear others’ anger should we “accidentally” say the wrong thing. Although we may behave this way for good reason—i.e. self- protection—the result is that we remove ourselves from contact with the oppression and the oppressed. If we keep it up, we sabotage our own learning.
Barrier #4 : Belief that being white, heterosexual and male is better than being a person of color, lesbian/gay/bisexual, or female. Throughout my life, the culture has bombarded me with information about the accomplishments of white heterosexual men and the deficiencies of people of color, lesbian and gay people and women. The notion that our lives might be improved by egalitarian relationships with people of color, lesbians and gay men, and women is difficult for us to understand and accept.
I believe that it takes a leap of faith for us to even speculate on the benefits to us for ending oppression. We have to first be willing to admit that all is not well with the way that we have constructed reality and lived our lives. Many of us choose to avoid contact with people from different cultures by living in white communities, socializing with other white people, competing in sports with other men and working with other white men. Consequently, we don’t know what we’re missing by continuing to live in a monocultural environment.
I believe that carefully designed and gently led educational programs on oppression can help heterosexual white men understand the reality and impacts of oppression. “Educating” people about oppression must not be a euphemism for forcing someone to accept the party line. I have used the following guidelines and approaches in my work with heterosexual white men and have found them helpful.
#1 . We can listen to one another, and understand our histories, rather than judging one another for our oppressive attitudes and behaviors. #2 . We can speak for ourselves and from our own experiences. #3 . We can recognize and appreciate our differences as well as the ways in which we are similar. #4. We can encourage feeling as well as thinking. #5 . We can identify the ways oppression has hurt us and how we will benefit from ending oppression.
Cooper Thompson is a writer, activist, and consultant with VISIONS, a non-profit organization that provides training and consulting services to challenge oppression. He lives in the United States and Germany.
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COMMONLY USED DISTINCTIONS ON CONFLICT
COURTESY OF SEARCH FOR COMMON GROUND (WWW .SFCG .ORG )
Conflict and violence are not the same thing - Conflict can be defined as a state of disharmony between persons, ideas, or interests, and is used to denote both a process and a state of being. Violence is commonly defined as the aggressive use of force exerted for the purpose of violating, damaging, or coercing, as well as an abusive or unjust exercise of power. Whereas conflict is not inherently negative or damaging, and can in fact produce positive outcomes, violence always results in injury & destruction.
Adversarial versus cooperative approaches to conflict - Adversarial approaches to dispute settlement occur when parties in conflict perceive themselves as opponents competing for mutually incompatible outcomes in which one side wins and the other loses. Typically, issues in dispute become polarized, feelings and perceptions become hostile, options are narrowed, communication between parties is restricted or non-existent and disputants strive for all-or-nothing solutions. By contrast, the cooperative or problem-solving approach involves both sides collaborating - merging resources to seek solutions that address everyone's interests and are mutually beneficial. This approach is uses joint problem-solving techniques, respectful communication and the pursuit of win-win solutions.
Advocating for common ground - "Understand the differences, act on the commonalities." Today's problems - whether ethnic, environmental, or economic - are too complex and interconnected to be resolved on an adversarial basis. It is our assumption that everyone's interests are best served by reframing the issues in a non-adversarial way, and advocating for a process that can maximize the gain of all those with a stake in the outcome. While ethnic, cultural and religious disparities may seem insurmountable in difficult conflict situations, common ground between parties can be found where interests overlap, and mutually beneficial solutions can come to the fore.
Impartiality versus neutrality - You can be impartial, if not completely neutral. Being partial means defending one side or the other. Being impartial is working with people on both sides - our hearts might go out to those we feel have been wronged, naturally - however, our work is to bring people to the table to talk, to get them into dialogue about what they can do to improve the situation. We are not advocates for either side, but for finding common ground: it is not about justice for one but justice for all.
Reframing - Reframing, or creating a new context, is a technique of shifting the perception of a problem to give it a different or more constructive interpretation. In negotiation, this method is used to recast a conflict in neutral terms to break deadlocks or stalemates and make further progress in attaining a joint resolution. In management circles, it is often referred to as causing a paradigm shift.
Conflict management versus conflict resolution - For those unfamiliar with the terminology, there can be great confusion about these two concepts. Conflict management involves taking action to keep a conflict from escalating further - it implies the ability to control the intensity of a conflict and its effects through negotiation, intervention, institutional mechanisms and other traditional diplomatic methods. It usually does not address the deep-rooted issues that may be at the cause of the conflict or attempt to bring about a solution. Conflict resolution, by contrast, seeks to resolve the incompatibilities of www.MarilynLevin.com Page 316 of 356 interests/behaviors that constitute the conflict by addressing the underlying issues, finding a mutually acceptable process and establishing relatively harmonious relationships & outcomes.
Choosing between hope and despair - It is human nature to experience feelings of despair, hopelessness and depression in destructive or intractable situations. We make the assertion that despair is a choice that hinders action. The people we work with on a daily basis are courageously choosing the alternative - hope - and are working through the personal anguish that arises in conflict situations to accomplish something constructive. The world is becoming more and more diverse, and its potential - both negative and positive - has never been greater. We believe it is critical to choose to work together creatively to turn that diversity into progress.
Breakdowns to breakthroughs- Often a breakdown in the functioning of a community, organization or government is considered a disastrous event with dire consequences. By shifting our perception, such occurrences can also be viewed as opportunities to step back and analyze problems, relationships and miscommunications. When the underlying causes of breakdowns are illuminated and addressed in this way it can lead to a breakthrough in cooperation and productivity. Learning from past difficulties is the surest way to avoid future mistakes and prevent conflicts from reoccurring.
Positions versus interests - Positions are points of view that are generally more specific and narrower in scope than interests, which typically underlie (and can include many) positions. Interests tend to be fundamental needs, while a position is often a statement of opinion about how to achieve that need. A position is much more easily altered than an interest. There are always places where parties' interests overlap in a conflict, whereas positions may appear mutually exclusive. The more intense the dispute, the farther apart positions tend to be from each other.
Attack problems, respect people - Transforming conflict can be as simple as reframing a situation - creating a new context in which people attack problems, rather than each other. The perception of a situation can be shifted so that both sides are working together on a common problem, rather than seeing each other as the problem. To address the problem in a cooperative problem-solving manner, it is important to discover mutual interests, generate options and develop agreements as steps for maintaining harmonious relations while dealing with problems directly.
Active listening - When two parties in conflict are speaking with each other, one or both sides are often more concerned with formulating a response and winning the argument than listening attentively. Active listening is a structured form of communication that focuses the attention on the speaker in order to improve mutual understanding and facilitate problem solving. The listener must attend fully to the speaker, and then reflect back what he or she has heard; enabling both parties to find out if the message was fully understood. This process serves to reduce misunderstandings, encourage positive exchanges, and deepen mental and emotional understanding of each side's concerns to create a relationship conducive to mutual problem-solving.
Active speaking - Active speaking is a communication process whereby a speaker appeals to another individual's higher self - the deepest level of humanity within each individual where dignity, integrity and compassion resonate the strongest. Often the key to achieving this is for the speaker to come from a place of respect, compassion and understanding. Active speaking is a courageous, creative act that usually requires the speaker to rise above fears & concerns and speak from their highest sense of self.
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Perceptions versus reality - From the conflict resolution perspective, the absolute reality of a conflict situation is often less important than what each party's perception of that situation is. For example, while there may be no actual stated threat of violence between groups, the simple perception of a threat may be enough to bring one or both disputants to action. It is necessary to consider perceptions objectively and without value judgments, in an attempt to determine how such perceptions can create misunderstandings, limit options and hinder communication.
Transforming stereotypes - Typically in protracted conflicts, extremely negative stereotypes of opposing parties form based on their group identities. This can lead to dangerous assumptions that can devolve to the point where adversaries become dehumanized, opening the door to violence and genocide. One of our main goals in working with identity-based conflicts is to shift such negative perceptions, re- humanizing combatants in each other's eyes and paving the way for cooperative problem-solving. Methods for transforming stereotypes include facilitating inter-group contact, conducting workshops and activities that help to build social cohesion, and providing information via mass media that reduces the fear and misunderstanding.
Expanding identity - Often in violent, intractable conflicts, group identity is the central dividing factor around which a dispute revolves. Such a partition of identity creates an "us versus them" mentality, which inhibits communication and diminishes peaceful resolution options. In order to remove these barriers, an overarching level of identification that includes both parties must be developed, thereby creating a new category, which places disputants in a better position to work toward a common future. A successful example of expanding identity is South Africa's transformation from the divisive apartheid system of Blacks versus Whites into the inclusive Rainbow Nation.
Reference: Yarn, D., 1999, Dictionary of Conflict Resolution. Jossey-Bass Inc., San Francisco. Circulated by Marilyn Levin, MSW, CAPSW, www.marilynlevin.com .
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EFFECTIVELY HANDLING HURTFUL REMARKS
Most of us struggle with effectively responding to hurtful remarks when they occur. Typical responses are often based in denial or defensiveness, neither of which is very effective in addressing the issues at hand or setting the stage for future change. The suggestions below can be used in interactions with people and taught to them for use in their lives. The goal is to respond in ways that will have the best chance of opening the offender’s mind to thinking and behaving differently over time. Consider all of the factors in each particular situation to determine what technique to try first and be willing to experiment with many of them. People who make hurtful remarks almost always respond best to correction when they feel they are not under attack and are valued and respected (even though they are not demonstrating their best selves at the time). Remember that using a genuine tone of voice is essential for these responses to work (sarcastic or demeaning tones will not work). Good Luck!
HOW TO USE THESE SUGGESTIONS WELL:
Understand the PURPOSE behind this approach – The purpose is to help everyone reclaim their humanity. By using these approaches instead of vindictive or criticizing approaches, you are role modeling reclaiming your humanity and holding out the expectation that others will reclaim their humanity. All people in an oppressive system lose their humanity, both from being devalued and dehumanized AND from choosing to devalue and dehumanize others.
Understand the Game of Oppression – Oppression is not a win/lose game - it is completely LOSE/LOSE . In order to resolve the problem rather than the symptoms of the problem, we must heal the oppressed AND the oppressor. This can feel like we are going easy on the oppressor but in fact it is the opposite. By demonstrating your firm and persistent expectation that they engage in the process of reclaiming their humanity, you are holding them much more accountable than if you were simply to lash out to their offensive statements or behavior.
Understand that it is about YOU more than them - Reclaiming our humanity and helping everyone else reclaim theirs is about a commitment to ourselves - not an obligation to others. It is about who we are as human beings and who we are willing to become. If we accept the gift of facing our own inhumanity we win because we get ourselves back – our most developed compassionate, loving, powerful selves. We also win by creating a space for others to be called to be their best selves. We are able to communicate both deep compassion for the oppressive conditioning we’ve each received and to firmly hold out that others rise to their greatness and transcend this conditioning.
INSIST on the support you need – It is up to each of us to develop the support needed to make us successful in reclaiming our humanity as a human community. Set up ongoing relationships and structures so that you can learn and practice this approach. Use Listening Pairs, role plays, appreciations and anything else that will work. Empower yourself to act bravely and make plenty of useful mistakes because if you are not making mistakes you are playing it too safe.
Learn to feel really good about who you are on your way to getting there – When we come from a place that is deeply confident about our goodness as a human beings, we can allow ourselves to learn by making plenty of useful mistakes. We also don’t end up wasting time on defensiveness, having our own self pity parties, worrying about how bad we are at this or being afraid of what other will think of us. This creates an amazing amount of time and energy that you can shift into making a difference in the world!
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SUGGESTED APPROACHES:
• Group Agreements - Develop, agree upon and compassionately enforce group agreements that call for mutual respect. Make sure that group members are clear that qualities like put downs, back-stabbing, competitiveness and manipulation, revered in reality TV shows are not valued here.
• Acknowledge – Get in the practice of reinforcing respectful and caring comments when they happen. Notice and acknowledge individual and group words and behaviors that you want to reinforce. Generously give individual and group compliments. Practice appreciations by trading verbal appreciations in a circle or in pairs, using appreciation sheets or bags, focusing one at a time on each person for group appreciations or do a web of appreciation.
• Show Hurt – Too often we pretend like hurtful comments don’t hurt our feelings. It can be very effective to simply acknowledge the real hurt by saying “Ouch” or “What you just said really hurt me” or “Wow, that’s harsh” or “What you just said to her was very hurtful” or “I know you are teasing but it does hurt my feelings to hear that.”
• Give TLC! – Start by saying something like “It sure sounds like you are having a rough time” or “Wow, you’re having a rough day, huh?” Then follow with something like, “So can I help you blow off some steam about whatever is frustrating you,” or “So what happened, it must have been tough?” Then let them talk while you listen attentively (without any interruptions) for a least several minutes. If they stop talking before they’ve really gone into the problem, you can ask them to tell you more. When they are done say something like, “Great, now that you’ve gotten that out of your system, I hope you have a great day and I am going to do my best to have one, too.”
• Be Empathetic – Human being are not born with prejudice, it is learned. Any human who has learned to hate or mistreat others has been done a great disservice. Making offenders aware of how their prejudicial attitudes and oppressive behaviors are detrimental to them can be very useful. Say, “It must be really hard to hate a whole group of people when you are such a good person” or “You sure are missing out by being fearful and hateful towards people different from you,” or “It sure seems like you have learned a lot of misinformation, I am sorry you have been taught to dislike so many kinds of people,” or “Wow, someone must have really hurt you, for you to become that hateful.”
• Assume Good - Reminding people of their deep goodness can bring about positive change. Nurture people toward who they can become instead of away from what they think they have to be. Example statements include: “I think of you as a really good person so I’m going to…assume you don’t know how hurtful that is…assume I won’t ever hear that again” or “I have confidence that you will eventually unlearn all of the misinformation you’ve been taught and learn to treat yourself and others with complete respect,” or “Stop being mean, it isn’t who you really are.”
• Affirm & Move on (both directions) – For offenders who won’t engage in dialogue you can say, “Gosh, I don’t see myself that way; I think I’m pretty fabulous,” or “Wow, you are really confused about who I am” and walk away, or say, “I am convinced that deep down you are a caring person and won’t always treat me this way” or “Deep down you are not really a mean person, so just stop acting like one, O.K.” and walk away.
• Ask Questions (definitions, sources and motives) – Ask questions like “So how should I take that comment? So where did you learn that? So why do you think you said that? Do you realize that is an inaccurate stereotype? Did you notice that was a hurtful comment? Do you really believe what you just said?” Then listen to the answers and ask more questions to help them unravel the origins of www.MarilynLevin.com Page 320 of 356
misinformation and the intent that drives the statement (i.e. attention seeking or playing out hurt they have experienced).
• Use Humor (but no put downs) – Let’s say that someone believes you are pregnant when you are just overweight. When they ask if you are pregnant you could say, “Oh why no, that is my gravy baby but thanks for asking.” For offenders who tend to be very defensive and not interested in discussions you can teasingly threaten to attack them with “noogies” every time they say hurtful stuff. Or you can say, “Uh oh, it appears that the cranky monster has temporarily inhabited the body of our nice guy Joe, what can we do to free him” and have the group pretend to administer noogie therapy.
• Provide Info – Say, “Do you realize that if people didn’t know how cool you are but overheard you, they would likely think that you are racist,” or “That would be one way of looking at it, but have you considered…” or “I will hear you better if you leave out the putdowns or…” or “It is interesting you see it that way, you have actually been misinformed…” or “Did you know that the word retarded is viewed as a hurtful word?” It is better to use the words “people with developmental disabilities.”
• Relate (I used to think/feel) – Say, “I used to think/feel that way but then…I found out that I was misinformed…I learned that it is simply not true…I got to know more about…I had this experience…” or “I know where you are coming from, but I am so grateful for learning…”
• Use What You Can - Even if you can only yell out one word or phrase (for example while running down the soccer field) go for it. Yelling out, “Ouch,” or “Don’t say that around me,” will at least let people know their comment has not gone unnoticed.
• Are you purple? - For any label that is used to put someone down you can use the purple label test. Ask the person receiving the put down (stupid or ugly or whatever) “If I called you purple, would you be offended?” The response is usually, “NO, I’m not purple”. You then say “Well you are not stupid (or ugly or whatever) either, so don’t take it seriously because you know it doesn’t apply to you!”
• Respect the Culture - Imagine you are a female playing soccer in a competitive, predominately male environment. Someone reacts to you very negatively. You are upset and leave crying. When you return next week, the person who upset you says, “Hey how is it going and uses your name.” You recognize that in this cultural context, this person is acknowledging the offense and is apologizing for the hurtful remarks by using this greeting. So take it as the apology it is meant to be instead of needing it to come in a different package.
• Take a Stand - If a group of people with more power in an environment regularly berate the less powerful people in the setting (i.e. managers to subordinates, doctors to lawyers, seniors to sophomores) the targeted group of people can make a pact that whenever they see someone being berated, they will stop what they are doing and SILENTLY stand behind the person that is being targeted and glare with disapproval at the offender.
• Don’t Play - In some situations, all that will make sense is to refrain from contributing to the hurtful incident. This might entail choosing not to laugh at a joke or not giving positive eye contact or changing the subject or walking away. But keep in mind that most of the time when we use this approach it is not because it is the approach that makes most sense, but because we let our fear interfere with our contribution to humanity. Give yourself every chance to practice living powerfully. It will matter for the world and it will empower you!
• Be Firm - If you have tried many of the above without any success, a less flexible approach can make sense. Sternly claim what you will and won’t listen to. Examples include: “It is absolutely not acceptable for you to tell oppressive jokes in this workplace,” or “Every time you use that word I will object because it www.MarilynLevin.com Page 321 of 356
is deeply hurtful,” or “You diminish my respect for you each time you say that,” or “just stop, just stop NOW.”
• Appreciate, Appreciate, And Appreciate - Say “Hang on, stop for just a minute, let me tell you all of the things I really like and respect about you.” Then proceed to provide numerous specific, genuine things you admire or respect or like about the person. This will likely stop the hurtful remarks and when you are done with the appreciations (do at least 6) then you can follow by saying “I think it is so much more fun to build people up rather than tear them down.”
Get support in thinking through all of the options and where they may or may not fit in the situations you expect to encounter. Connect with others and discuss how these might play out in the different scenarios you might be facing. Do some role playing together. Use a Listening Pairs to explore and offload feelings that might interfere with the most effective use of these approaches.
LISTENING PAIRS : The way these work is that in a pair each person is allowed to talk for a designated amount of time (use a timer). The other person only listens. The listener does not talk, ask questions or offer feedback/advice – they ONLY listen. The listener remains relaxed and projects a calm confidence that the talker is a good person who is capable of figuring out anything they need to figure out. Then they switch roles. The listener does not comment on anything the person talked about when they were the talker during their time to talk, or afterwards unless they get permission to do so first.
The purpose of the Listening Partnership is to offload frustrations, feelings and concerns that inhibit you from effectively handling something. If we think of times in our lives when we were flooded with intense emotions, we can remember that during that crisis our thinking was not very clear. When we are flooded with emotions, it clouds our thinking. And since we live in a culture that values emotional control and not emotional flow, many of us are severely limited in being able to offload old emotional baggage even when it continues to interfere with our lives in huge ways. So it can be very useful to create, over time, listening relationships where it is safe to offload emotional baggage (especially the baggage you have been clinging to for years, even though it is so damaged and so heavy it slows you down where ever you go and people look at you funny for carrying it around!)
Listening Partnerships come from many different practices. I learned it through Re-Evaluation Counseling www.rc.org .
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EMBRACING OUR CONNECTIONS: COALITION BUILDING AROUND SOCIAL
JUSTICE ISSUES IN EXPERIENTIAL EDUCATION
The Vision of the Association for Experiential Education includes the “Intent to create a just and compassionate world by transforming education and promoting positive social change”. While this intent is an essential precursor to action, and I believe sincere one, working towards a world free of prejudice and injustice can be an over-whelming and daunting endeavor. Remaining committed to, and invested in, this work over the long haul can cause melt downs in the best of us. So how do we continue to live and act within our ethical values without burning out or disengaging altogether?
One key involves accepting some unavoidable realities. Social change is all about relationship and coalition building. Coalition building is all about effectively working with others – individuals and groups. The challenge lies in understanding yourself and others well enough to negotiate a land mine full of internalized oppression, personality styles, misinformation and unresolved histories. Above all, remember that people (including yourself) will consistently be wonderful, helpful, intelligent and creative while also being difficult, confusing, frustrating and complicated. Despite your best efforts you will only be remotely effective in controlling other people. So, adopting some of the approaches below might help you maintain your commitment to making the world more just and compassionate while also practicing self-care.
Behave for the result rather than freedom of expression. In other words, do you want to be right or end up with the result that you want? Seek the long-term ends you desire over being validated or being right. The styles or strategies we want to use may be very different from what will be effective. Use what will work even if it doesn’t come naturally.
Assume support. Treat people like they ARE what you want them to be. Most of us will do a better job of living up to people’s praise than we will at changing due to people’s criticism.
Remember that we all learned prejudice from good people who love us (family, religion, friends) who passed on misinformation that was given to them. We have experienced benefits (privileges) that we didn’t ask for because society provides many things to people because of who they are (and denies them because of who they are not). We don’t need to feel guilty for learning the prejudice we’ve been taught and experiencing the privileges we’ve been given. BUT, we do have a responsibility to unlearn prejudice and fight oppression so that all people have access to respect and influence.
Assume good intentions of yourself and others. So, how many of us are really trying to be jerks when we are insensitive and annoying? Very few of us I imagine. What a better world it would be if we would all assume good of each other first instead of jumping to conclusions that the intent was evil until proven otherwise. It gets very easy for us to get frustrated with each other because we have different approaches and perspectives. We have to remember that we are united in purpose even when we disagree in approach. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 323 of 356
Devote more time to your Circle of Influence than your Circle of Concern. Most of us regularly spin our wheels by spending more time and energy worrying about all of the things that bother us (Circle of Concern) instead of doing something about what we can really have impact on (Circle of Influence). Let go of the overwhelming things you can’t change and focus on what you can (Covey, 1990).
Understand your own internalized oppression, insecurities and coping mechanisms. If we have a good grasp of these, we can keep them in check (most of the time, anyway). For example, if you were are particularly focused on needing respect, it is likely that you will be overly sensitive to signs of disrespect and will react with your favorite coping behavior (withdrawal, blaming, controlling, etc.) when this comes up unless you intentionally intervene in this process.
Remember, everyone else will be behaving in accordance with their insecurities and favorite coping mechanisms. So when Joe Bob doesn’t receive the promotion he is expecting and starts calling you an ineffective and weak leader you know it is all about his feelings of inadequacy and not your leadership. Then, you take it that necessary step further and you don’t let the criticism get to you.
Accept the fact that things that are different aren’t bad or wrong but will usually feel that way at first. Try this out. Clasp your hands together with interwoven fingers. This will leave either your right or left thumb on top. Now, switch your hands and re-lace your fingers so that the other thumb is on top. How does this feel? Most folks say that the first one feels right and the second one feels wrong. But, if asked to reflect upon this will acknowledge that there isn’t a right or wrong in this case. Things that are different from what we are used to will often feel wrong at first. Don’t hate yourself for being so inflexible. Let this initial feeling be all right but expect yourself to push through the feeling and judge things for their true value and not their initial appeal.
Seek to find the common ground in disagreements. Realize that many times, due to varying communication and personality styles, we are actually in agreement with people when we think we are not. What a waste it is to argue with someone only to really listen and discover we have essentially agreed all along.
Remember that because of our cultural conditioning, we will easily get sucked to being competitive even when being cooperative would benefit both parties more. Get into the thumb wrestling position with another person. Know that for this activity, you score a point by gently pinning your partner’s thumb down and that the goal of the activity is for EVERYONE to get as many points as possible. Play for a few minutes and keep track of your points. If you have scores of less than 10 see if you can do it another way to score over 20 or 30 points. In order for both of you to end up with a high number of points, you will need to let each other score points to reach the win-win solution.
Practice good self care – physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. If you are tired, burned out, out of shape and unfulfilled it is likely that you will not only lose your effectiveness as a leader but be irritable and no fun to be around.
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Don’t assume much of anything. Our reactions to other people have much more to do with us than with them. Our filters, assumptions, insecurities and communication styles will determine how we read people. It is smart to seek ongoing clarification rather than think we know where someone is coming from. This concept also goes the other direction. Even when we think you are being perfectly clear in our message we must clarify other’s interpretations of our message to see if it was received as intended.
Give up guilt, worry and blame. Guilt is usually just self punishment for the inability to change the past. Worry is usually just self punishment for inability to change the future. Blame is usually just spiteful assignment of responsibility whether or not there is actually any responsible party (Jackson Gandy, 2000).
Love and appreciate yourself. Could I really think this is that important? You bet yourself. Well adjusted, centered people who like themselves can accomplish amazing things. And since we live in a culture of criticism, not appreciation we will need to become skilled in self appreciation and in creating supportive environments so that we can maintain the long term motivation it takes to change the world.
Remember that the vast majority of us are wonderful, caring, hard working people who generally make the best decisions we can in any given situation. And if we would stop spending so much time and energy trying to prove this to ourselves and others we would actually become much more effective and efficient, not to mention happier.
Let go of the scarcity myth and don’t buy into the fallacy that by joining forces each cause gets co-opted. Realize that all oppression is connected and that oppressive systems often lead to oppressed groups being pitted against each other (Adams, Bell & Griffin, 1994). It is true that different forms of oppression have different histories and manifestations. But, in the end as Martin Luther King Jr. put it “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice anywhere”.
Adams, Bell & Griffin, (1994). Teaching for Diversity and Social Justice. New York, NY: Routledge.
Jackson Gandy, D., (2000). All the Joy You Can Stand. New York, NY: Crown Publishers.
Covey, S., (1990). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Change. Simon & Schuster.
(Adapted from AEE Horizon Newsletter, Spring 2004) by Marilyn Levin, MSW, CAPSW www.marilynlevin.com
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FINDING OUR WAY THROUGH THE SYSTEMS OF OPPRESSION
The 2004 tsunami that killed over 280,000 people brought a flood of world concern. Admirable as this outpouring of compassion was, indifference circles the globe each day. • Each week 250,000 children die of malnutrition. • Of the 6 billion people in the world, 25% survive on $1 US per day; 47% on only $2 per day. • 59% of the world’s wealth is controlled by 6% of the world’s population. • Nearly half of the 3.6 million people killed in wars since 1990 were children. • Fifteen million children have been orphaned by AIDS. • UNICEF estimates world child hunger, preventable disease and illiteracy could be eliminated in a decade at cost of $25 billion/year. • Americans spend $31 billion per year on beer. • The U.S. military budget tops $418 billion this year not including $280 billion for Iraq/Afghanistan. The overwhelming nature of dealing with the systems of oppression that separate us from others and pit us against each other can lead us to react with extreme responses. When we feel the pull to react from the extremes of denial and passivity or worry and obsession, we can seek out support and adjust our approach so it is free of repression or obsession. When we are trapped in passivity or denial at one end of the spectrum of coping we: • Give up on believing change is possible/take very little action to reclaim our humanity • Don’t interact in ways that encourage others to reclaim humanity • Don’t take action to transform cultural values, institutions, laws and practices • Suppress our feelings (anxiety and depression)/adopt an attitude of resignation and cynicism When trapped in worry and obsession at the other end of the spectrum of coping we: • Obsess about how much things need to change and feeling bad that it doesn’t come fast enough • Take on the martyr role and resent the demands of our efforts • Focus on blaming and judgment of others • Overwhelmed with feelings and an inability to move forward or a sense of spinning our wheels • Let the troubles in the world break us down emotionally, physically and spiritually • Overwork to the point of ineffectiveness or burnout When we find the middle ground approach, free from repression or obsession, we: • Find grounding in understanding that transformation is absolutely possible, that working from a place of confidence is in our capabilities, and focusing on possibilities are the most powerful • Experience our life and our work to create a better world primarily as a joy and a privilege • Are open to all of our feelings; the suffering and injustice vs. the joy and love in the world. We reveal feelings in a supportive environment so we can think and be empowered. • Understand the tools we have to create a better world are our mind, body, heart and soul. We must understand that we are responsible to care for these tools in ways that sustain our best work. • Understand that some suffering (struggle) is meaningful and purposeful (growth opportunity), and some is simply unjust and unnecessary. We work for wisdom to tell the difference. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 326 of 356
GROUP AGREEMENTS
Use EVERY time to setup agreement about how participants will treat each other. Don’t use too many because people will pretend to agree to anything if the list gets long. It can be helpful to get “buy in” from everyone in the group. One way is to ask for a show of either a thumb up (agree), a thumb to the side (I can live with it), or a thumb down (do not agree). Have a discussion if there are any participants that do not agree. You can change or toss the agreement or just acknowledging that some people in the group will not honor a particular agreement.
TOP THREE:
Assume Good Intentions – So how many of us are actually trying to be a jerk when we are jerk? I believe that on occasion this is true. But most often, when we are being jerks we are not trying to be jerks. We are just being insensitive or unaware. So it can be very helpful to flip our cultural norm of assuming bad first and assume good intentions first - of ourselves and of others.
Oops and Ouch - Use “OUCH” when you hear or see something that is hurtful and “OOPS” when you do or say something that is hurtful or insensitive. When this happens, we will remember to assume good intentions. The group may want to stop and discuss what has happened when an “OOPS” or “OUCH” occurs or it may just makes sense to mention the “oops” or “ouch” and move on.
Sweet and Sour – For every putdown or criticism that is made, the offending party must make two specific and different compliments to the offended person or group. And yes, if they are self put downs, they have to give self compliments.
OTHER FAVORITES:
Emotions are Good – Most of us live in a culture that tells us emotions are to be saved for private and that they are a sign of weakness. This is very unfortunate! Releasing emotion keeps our thinking clearer, our bodies healthier and our sense of hope strong. Releasing emotions is one of the biggest ways that we heal from hurt.
Grounded in our Goodness (Thanks L.G. Shanklin-Flowers) – This involves remembering that we and the other group members are good. We are all wonderful, intelligent, beautiful, hard working, caring people, generally doing the best we can at any given moment. And if we would stop trying to prove this to each other (and ourselves) we would likely be more productive and happier. This can reduce the pull for group members to be defensive or critical.
No PC - While we are together we don’t have to worry about using politically correct language. Use the language you are comfortable with, and assuming good intentions. We’ll provide each other with more appropriate language if needed. While politically correct language is grounded in the honorable desire to be respectful and inclusive, it is important for groups to be able to use the terms they know without the fear of being attacked.
Both/And - We are generally encouraged to see the world from an either/or perspective. It’s more helpful to see that we live in a both/and world where complexities are the norm. All of us have multiple www.MarilynLevin.com Page 327 of 356 identities and characteristics that might appear contradictory (i.e. caring and critical, hopeful and hopeless, professional and playful). Bring all of who you are to this group.
Suffering is Optional (Thanks Brian Juchems ) - If your needs aren’t getting met, speak up. We won’t be providing Perrier or bon bons but if you need to stretch or move around or visit the restroom often, go for it - without apologies.
Speak Up and Out – This guideline is two-fold. One is remembering that it is the responsibility of all participants to speak loudly and clearly enough so that people with hearing difficulties and/or language differences can hear us. Two is don’t be bashful about contributing your expertise to the group’s process.
Right to Pass - Everyone can choose his or her level of participation in the group activities and in particular around disclosing personal identity labels. For example, when doing activities that may set people up to disclose parts of their identity (like being gay or having a hidden disability), it is important to let people know in advance that they may choose not to disclose an identity label and that making this choice does NOT mean that they are ashamed of that identity.
No Confidentiality - Often times groups function with the “whatever is said here stays here” rule. It is better to reverse this guideline if you believe that it is unlikely that confidentiality will be maintained. In these cases participants should be reminded to share only information within the group that can go beyond the group. And if they choose to disclose something that you hope will be kept confidential they will need to emphasize that point when sharing it with the group.
Supporting Each Other’s Development (Thanks Gary Hollander) - Remembering that people’s individual development is connected to the overall group development we can see it as a win-win scenario to support each others’ individual development rather than feeling like we are competing with each other. We can also understand that it is especially important to support people in leadership positions, since they are in a position that is often attacked and infrequently appreciated.
Make Super Hero Mistakes –When we are acting courageously, we will make plenty of useful mistakes. In order to grow we must make attempts that are outside of our current abilities. This helps us find places where our capacities go well beyond what we thought were our limits.
Yoga for the Mind (Thanks Lea Arellano) – This is the acknowledgment that our perspectives on reality are not THE reality; they are our interpretations of reality. This agreement is about the commitment to have the open minds that we ask for from others.
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HEALING OUR NEED FOR TRAUMA DRAMA – NO MORE VICTIM AND VILLAIN
We all exist within societal systems that favors some social groups of people over others in multiple, powerful ways. However, regardless of the privilege or oppression we experience, we are all caught up in a culture that teaches us to see ourselves and others within this dichotomy of victim and villain. This form of polarization cuts us off from understanding the complexities of the mutual problems we face as a human community and pits us against each other rather than encouraging us to work together. Disengaging from this trauma drama will benefit us all.
When we are stuck in acting out the victim role we typically: • Feel traumatized by things we don’t like rather than just being aware that we don’t like them, and can choose whether or not to partake in them (practices, activities, approaches) • Believe people should know what we need instead of us having to communicate it clearly • Believe we are entitled to get everything we want and are mistreated when we don’t get it • Want people with power (real or perceived) to fix things rather than using our own power • Expect that when our input is requested it will determine the outcome • Want all considerations to be accounted for when we are judged, but not for others • Assume that others lack respect for us without clarifying if this is accurate • Focus on feeling like we’ve done wrong rather than focus on resolving a conflict • Are defensive and in denial about our destructive behavior and quick to claim victim • Believe that the victimization we’ve experienced is the largest factor in determining how life has gone and will go for us • Are confused how much real power we do have – the power to make a difference, the power to change our minds, and the power to act bravely • Feel like the decisions we make are forced upon us rather than made by us with free will
When we are stuck in acting out the villain role when we: • Expect things to go “my way or the highway” and expect people to acquiesce to our way of thinking and acting because it is better, correct, etc. • Feel we should be able to communicate what we want to communicate without regard to the impact it will have on others • Manipulate people to our benefit without consideration for fairness or decency • Withhold participation or dominate, rather than participating fully in the collaboration • Compete ruthlessly for win-lose results rather than supporting cooperative problem solving and seeking win-win solutions • Decide that judging and criticism are the way to make things change • Believe that making ourselves right and others wrong is more important than understanding the complexities of, or finding a resolution to, a problem • Choose to disempower or sabotage others who don’t do things our way • Blame and shame people for the true injustices they experience • Deny the reality of the oppressive systems and the impact on people without privilege • Decide our luxuries are more important than meeting the basic human needs of others • Use denial and minimization to dismiss the massive suffering in the world • Buy into the myth that people with financial resources and prestige have worked harder and are more gifted than people without financial resources www.MarilynLevin.com Page 329 of 356
“Every relationship of domination, of exploitation, of oppression is by definition violent, whether or not the violence is expressed by drastic means. In such a relationship, dominator and dominated alike are reduced to things – the former dehumanized by an excess of power, the later by a lack of it.” - Paulo Frieire
REDEFINING VIOLENCE Individual Individual Violence : Harmful actions against people or property Visible, easy to condemn, immediate consequences; perpetrator (and motivation) and victim (and injuries) are easy to identify; Violence considered a punishable crime.
Examples Murders, rape, gang fights, drive-by shootings, terrorism, spouse abuse, child abuse, assault Violence
Institutional Violence: Harmful actions within institutions that obstruct the We See spontaneous unfolding of human potential; occurs in bureaucracies such as government agencies, businesses, prisons, mental institutions, welfare systems, schools, the military; often caused by policies considered necessary for profit or control; usually subtle, indirect, covert, and regrettable, but not a crime.
Examples Institutional Leveraged buy-out by corporation results in layoffs and reduced wages Violence Company defaults on pensions and retirement health coverage Nursing home patients are strapped to their beds because the home lacks sufficient staff Development assistance is withheld from poor communities and countries Banks fail to make loans in certain inner city neighborhoods Unseen Wars between and within countries Female genital mutilation practices Societal Societal Violence: Harmful actions that result from the way society thinks, conventional values, every day practices; often sinister, difficult to Violence discern; usually accepted as “normal.”
Examples Avoidable differences between groups within a country or between countries: infant mortality rates, premature death rates, cancer rates, little political representation, few development opportunities Passively accepting inequities and deprivation such as poverty, racism, sexism Denigration of minorities, refugees, unfamiliar cultures, ethnic groups, gays and lesbians, people with disabilities The easy acceptances of violence or threat of violence as a solution to problems
Adapted by Marilyn Levin ( www .marilynlevin .com ) from Violence Reconceptualized for Social Work: The Urban Dilemma, Social Work Journal 1995 by Dorothy Van Soua, DSW and Shirley Bryans, DSW www.MarilynLevin.com Page 330 of 356
RECLAIMING OUR HUMANITY
Many of us view the world as a win-lose scenario, with the have’s as the clear winners and the have not’s as the clear losers. It is more accurate to say that we are entrenched in a LOSE-LOSE approach to life. It is easy to understand why people who experience lack of resources, opportunities and humane treatment are the losers. But it can be hard to grasp how people with ample resources, opportunities and respectful treatment are also the losers in this set up. The supposed winners in life lose because our way of life can condition us to abandon parts of our humanity.
We lose touch with our humanity by choosing to devalue and dehumanize others – in beliefs, words and deeds. We lose touch with our humanity by allowing immense preventable suffering to continue while we have so many comforts that we are stressed out about having enough time to enjoy them. We lose touch with our humanity by being closed off to our deep sense of rage and broken heartedness about the injustices we allow to continue in our world. We lose touch with our humanity when we succumb to denial, hopelessness and cynicism in the face of our power to inspire transformation in ourselves and others.
In a world that systematically conditions us to lose touch with pieces of our humanity, it is up to each of us to find our way to reconnect with it. The task is large but the rewards are immense. Through the process of reclaiming our full humanity we get back something of immeasurable importance – our best selves.
We get back the part of ourselves that can take valuable risks and make worthwhile mistakes because we are grounded in our best intentions and reaching for the possibilities. We get back the part of us that can face unimaginable challenges with courage and grace because we are in touch with our power and drive to make a difference. We get back the part of us that is contented because we are confident our life has meaning and purpose. We get back the part of us that is deeply connected to others because we’ve let our heart break open and heal with renewed strength many times over. And, we get back the part of us who can experience joy and passion because we have broken free of denial and hopelessness.
Reclaiming our humanity and helping others reclaim theirs is ultimately about a commitment to ourselves - not an obligation to others. It is about who we are as human beings and who we are willing to become. As a human community we get to have compassion for each other over the ways in which we have been conditioned to abandon our humanity. And as human beings who share one planet we get to lovingly insist that we all rise to our greatness and transcend this conditioning so that we can live lives of dignity, freedom and purpose.
Created by Marilyn Levin, MSW, CAPSW www.marilynlevin.com
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RECLAIMING OUR HUMANITY IN THE FACE OF OUR CONDITIONING OF PRIVILEGE
One of the reasons oppression is so entrenched is that most of us only have an inkling about its impact in our lives. It is an empowering and hopeful act to confront the internal conditioning of living with privilege in an oppressive culture. This conditioning is taught to us by loving parents, caring religious leaders, concerned teachers, all people who, with the best of intentions, taught the norms of our way of life. Unfortunately, some of these norms train us to lose touch with parts of our hope, power and possibility. Through the process of reclaiming our humanity we can clear out the conditioning that inhibits our access to our best selves. By doing so, we gradually get back more and more of our magnificence.
Guilt and blame toward ourselves, others or past generations of people about the inability to break free from all conditioning is counterproductive. It is useful to instead notice and deeply appreciate in ourselves and others how far we are able to move towards unlearning our oppressive conditioning and reclaim our humanity within the short space of each generation. Each generation owes the progress made before them to past generations. And each generation faces the challenges of moving forward for the generations to come. The following are some examples of what our conditioning teaches us and what reclaiming our humanity teaches us.
Being Raised with Privilege in an Oppressive Reclaiming our Humanity Culture Teaches Us to: Teaches us to: • Cling to a narrow understanding of our current • Remain open to realities that don’t fit into our world view and ignore or discount parts of current belief systems as possible reality that don’t match our current belief contributions towards our ever evolving systems. understanding of our world. • Ignore and/or deny feelings that cause • Fully embrace all emotions and value what discomfort or confusion. they have to teach us about ourselves and others and our relationship to each other • Feel victimized when life presents challenges • See challenges as growth opportunities to be we don’t feel equipped to handle. our best selves and create an environment where others are called to their greatness. • Judge ourselves and others using current • Develop open minded and deeply dominant cultural beliefs as THE correct basis compassionate ways to evaluate and consider for judgment. ourselves and others • Focus on blame, shame & guilt. • Focus on taking personal responsibilities and on creating new possibilities. • Suppress our natural tendencies towards • Act in courageous yet compassionate ways to fairness and justice so that we don’t rock the ensure fairness and justice for all. boat or suffer the consequences of challenging the system.
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SELF CARE FOR SUPER SHEROES AND HEROES
TOP TEN *
ONE – Make your physical, spiritual, emotional selves your most important job. This is not about pampering; it is about maximizing your effectiveness. Over the long haul, get the rest, nutrition, exercise, healing, play, caring and love you need to flourish and make an impact beyond your wildest dreams. Give up quick fixes and make this a mostly daily practice.
TWO – Be fully grounded in feeling good about yourself! It is the best place from which to grow. Without feeling good, it is too easy to shut down to the inhumanity that exists in the world, to be defensive about what feels like an inability to make real change in the world, and to be sucked into judgment instead of deepening the massive compassion needed to solve current world problems.
THREE - Insist on the support you need. It is up to each of us to develop the support needed to make us successful in reclaiming our humanity as a human community. Set up ongoing relationships and structures so that you can thrive in your mission to make the world a better place. Put together a personal support team for healing, cheerleading, coaching and anything else you need to succeed.
FOUR – Reclaim your childlike ZEST for life! If we lose that magical ability to enjoy life it will be difficult for us to maintain the long term hope and energy necessary to work for a better world. Role modeling that adults can be both serious and professional and passionate and playful encourages others to access their innate ability to recharge and re-invigorate themselves.
FIVE – Never surrender your commitment to your own transformation! Share the joy and aliveness you experience as you reclaim your humanity to inspire transformation in others.
SIX - Teach your fabulous, energetic and unruly mind to heel and take your commands like a well trained dog you love with all your heart. Have integrity with your relationships by taking 100% responsibility for making the peace without expecting anything in return. It will set you free.
SEVEN – Surrender the pursuit for the superficial in the land of excess. Read the Soul of Money and let it change your life! Visit www.globalsufficiency.org
EIGHT – Perfect the Art of Appreciation. Appreciate – appreciate yourself and others frequently, in multiple ways. Build yourself and others up towards the amazing people you are capable of becoming.
NINE - Seek out and find the positive. Go online and see what is available at any given moment on what people are doing in the world that is good, hopeful and positive. Become a seeker and finder of the good news, the real life activities of caring and loving human beings in action. Cling to that and upload it into the brilliance of your mind. Let go of being welded to the sensationalistic spinarama of mainstream media.
* O.K. You are so fabulous you only need nine. Besides you are busy changing the world, so who are we kidding that you could get to ten. Alright – ten is go take a break – eat some chocolate, share some love, relish in being alive – something like that – anything that will make your heart sing and your toes tingle!
Created by Marilyn Levin, www.marilynlevin.com and Lea Arellano, www.humansolutions.us www.MarilynLevin.com Page 333 of 356
THE WORLD WE ENVISION
"We won't believe that the world can change until we experience ourselves changing" “Hope is not what we find in evidence; it is what we become in action.” - Frances Moore Lappe
What if we...cheered when anyone scored a goal...treasured and celebrated people like they only had a short time to live...evaluated people by their kindness, generosity and altruism instead of their income, status and power...stopped buying so many unnecessary things for the people we care about and used the money to work toward the world they wish for in their dreams for humanity?
What if…none of us bought a second house until everyone else had shelter to protect them from harm? What if we all decided to not buy more clothes until everyone else had clothing to protect them from frostbite or sun burn? What if we all decided not to go on expensive vacations until everyone had enough to eat each day? What if we all decided not to indulge in luxuries until everyone had adequate healthcare?
What if we worked to heal the polarization that is tearing us apart by joining with our adversaries to help, serve or contribute to a mutual cause? What if we praised our enemies for the real good that they do?
What if when we were having a bad day, or just wanted to create a good day, we tried these: offer to help, compliment a worker, appreciate someone who wouldn't expect it, smile at everyone, listen to someone who is struggling, brag about someone to someone else while in their presence, pick up trash, use fart putty on public transit, wear a boa and a fancy hat out in public and project love everywhere we go to everyone we meet.
What if all of our lives we had been conditioned to rise to the occasion, to appreciate challenging situations, to be free of judgment and to use the very best of who we are to inspire the best in others? What if we decided not to let our past influence our future and decided that today, regardless of the conditioning we’ve received, we will rise to the occasion, appreciate challenging situations, be free of judgment and use the very best of who we are to inspire the best in others?
What if we practiced self acceptance - acceptance of everything we are and of everything we are not? What if we practiced acceptance of others - acceptance of everything they are and of everything they are not? What if we forgave ourselves and others of everything and started over with every possibility open?
What if we made our physical, spiritual, emotional selves our most important job? What if we got the rest, nutrition, exercise, healing, play, caring and love we needed to flourish beyond our wildest dreams and create the world we wish for?
What if we could transform the ways in which we fulfill our need to compete, to excel, to test our limits, to dig deep inside ourselves and see what we are made of? What if we used our passion, drive and pursuit of excellence to create a peaceful and sustainable planet? What if we used our need to confront our fears and move beyond our current limitations to end hunger, end violence, and create environments where people felt cared for, supported and challenged in healthy ways? What if we redirected our bountiful resources of time, energy, passion and finances from individual challenges that only benefited us, toward challenges that connected us to others, that bettered the world in some way and that inspired possibility?
Created by Marilyn Levin www.marilynlevin.com , with help from Lea Arellano www.humansolutions.us www.MarilynLevin.com Page 334 of 356
THE ROLE OF WHITE PEOPLE IN ENDING RACISM
RACISM IS CONTRARY TO THE FUNDAMENTAL NATURE OF EVERY HUMAN BEING. All human beings begin life caring deeply about all other human beings. Until we ourselves are hurt - put down, ignored, threatened, beaten, criticized, isolated, and so on – each of us wants all people to be treated well. None of us, including white people, would ever participate in the racist mistreatment or oppression of other humans unless we had first been hurt. However, once hurt, we are vulnerable to hurting others – by participating in oppressive systems and acting oppressively as individuals.
In an oppressive society, few people escape being hurt in ways that leave us feeling scared and bad about ourselves. It is when we are scared or when we feel bad about ourselves that we are most vulnerable to believing racist messages.
In a racist society there is a constant barrage of racist messages and practices – from family, friends, acquaintances, schools, the media, and many other institutions. No one can grow up in such an environment and escape its effects. In this way the society installs racism on every white person. It does so regardless of how strongly or for how long we actively resist.
WHITE PEOPLE ACT AS AGENTS OF RACISM As a result of these hurts, all white people have been conditioned to accept the lies of racism and to carry racist feelings. Some white people stop questioning these feelings and act out these “beliefs” in hateful and oppressive ways. Other white people intellectually reject the content of racist messages and try to treat people targeted by racism respectfully and as equals. But even when those of us who are white act with goodwill toward people targeted by racism or actively engage in fighting racism, attitudes connected with racism (unjustified fears, the seeking of approval, feelings of superiority, etc.) surface from time to time and must be battled in order for us to act consistently according to our best thinking.
We white people are pulled to act on the basis of the racism we’ve heard and seen, acting sometimes subtly and unawarely and other times overtly and harshly.
RACISM HURTS WHITE PEOPLE Racism greatly damages the lives of people targeted by it. Racism also hurts those of us who are white. (This is true of any group that acts out oppression at another group). This is far from the damage inflicted on the targets of racism, but it corrupts our humanity and compounds the ways we already feel bad about ourselves. Not standing up against racism erodes our integrity and undermines our sense of self-worth.
White people become separated from the majority of the world’s people, know little about them, and miss close involvement in the lives of a rich variety of people. Racism also erodes relationships between white people. We do not want to be associated with “that white racist” or “that white liberal.” Racism leaves us feeling hopeless about actually eliminating racism and creating a just and equitable society.
WHITE PEOPLE ENDING RACISM AND HEALING FROM HURTS OF WHITE RACISM United to End Racism and Re-evaluation Counseling have valuable experience and tools for white people to use in ending racism. We have learned that any and all “oppressor roles” (the role played by a person who has been conditioned to be an agent of oppression) are installed by hurting people very deeply. White people’s oppressive behavior arises from deep emotional damage. Sustained emotional work is therefore required for those of us who are white people to free ourselves from racism. To create a just society, white people must not only inform us fully about racism and take action to end it, but must also heal from the damage caused by being exposed to racism and by having participated in it. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 335 of 356
United to End Racism has found that white people taking turns listening to each other in pairs and in groups is an effective way to do this emotional work. Those of us who are white need to remember and to tell our stories about the racism in our lives and assist one another to re-lease the intense feelings that underlie these stories. These stories can include early experiences with racism, the racist lies we were told, the times we acted out racism, and the racist attitudes that were held by the people around us, as well as the successes we’ve had in fighting racism.
To do this work, we white people need settings in which we can be open about racism without being blamed or shamed, where we know we are cared about and respected. Under these conditions, we can remember and tell what happened to us with regard to racism and release the painful emotions from these experiences. And we need to learn to do this work with one another as white people. It is the job of white people, not people targeted by racism, to do the work to both stop white people from perpetuating racism and to help white people heal the damage we carry.
With emotional release, white people are able to think afresh about these experiences. We become partners with people targeted by racism in their efforts to heal from having lived in a racist society. We begin taking effective steps to end racism along with freeing ourselves of the effects of racism, all of which improves our lives in countless ways.
WHITE PEOPLE AS ALLIES TO PEOPLE TARGETED BY RACISM An important part of ending racism and all other oppressions is to develop alliances between those targeted by the oppression and those outside the targeted group. Eliminating racism requires the development of strong alliances among groups of people targeted by racism and also with white people who are committed to ending racism. These white allies are people who have decided to work for the liberation of all people targeted by racism. We, white people in this ally role, demonstrate by our actions and words that we support the goals and visions of groups targeted by racism and work alongside them. In United to End Racism, we have learned a great deal about building these alliances and about white people becoming effective allies.
STEPS TOWARD BECOMING WHITE ALLIES • There are many ways for white people to work as allies in eliminating racism. Some of these include: • Taking visible stands against all forms of racism by both backing anti-racism organizations led by people targeted by racism as well as standing independently as a white person against racism. • Working on and eliminating our own racism and healing the places we have been silent and passive. • Standing against one of the effects of racism by re-minding targeted people of their goodness, intelligence, competence, and the importance of their relationships with one another. • Actively seeking correct information and healing from the ways we have been unaware and uninformed. • Building long-term friendships with people targeted by racism and challenging the racist messages of separation, difference, and fear. • Training and building groups of white allies committed to eliminating racism by assisting other whites to heal the damage done to us by racism. • Understanding that being allies to people targeted by racism is for our own benefit since it involves reclaiming our full humanity and having a world right for everyone, a world where everyone matters
United to End Racism, © International Re-evaluation Counseling Communities, www.rc.org/uer
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TIPS FOR TRANSFORMING CONFLICT SEARCH FOR COMMON GROUND (WWW.SFCG .ORG )
When conflicts arise, many of us automatically fall into adversarial ways of thinking. Doing so typically means there is a winner and a loser. However, in reality both sides lose something because the relationship is damaged and the problem is often not truly resolved. Most of us are aware that there are more constructive ways to deal with conflict. Typically called a win-win or cooperative approach, it can be applied to all kinds of conflict, from small everyday disputes between individuals to large ones that divide communities. At Search for Common Ground, we call this strategy the common ground approach, where the parties involved understand and honor their differences and find a mutually beneficial agreement based on shared interests. So, how do we move from an adversarial approach to a “common ground” approach? 1. Accept that conflicts are a natural part of life: There are seven billion people sharing resources and living together on this planet. Conflict is the natural result of differences in the world. We all have different needs and beliefs and we will always have conflicts. 2. Treat conflict as an opportunity: Conflicts are neither positive nor negative in themselves. It is the way we deal with the situation and the other parties that determines the consequences. Conflicts don't have to be destructive. Instead we can view conflict as an opportunity to grow, learn and improve relationships. 3. Be aware of your initial reaction and take a deep breath: We all have automatic responses to conflict. We may want to run away, put up our defenses or dig in and fight. Our immediate responses depend on who is involved in the conflict and what it’s about. Instead of giving in to our initial impulse, it’s important to pause and think about our approach. 4. Choose your approach: There are always choices in a conflict. Some conflicts are just not worth dealing with. In other cases, we may feel the best response may be to say “no.” But when the goal is to solve the problem in a positive way, a cooperative approach is the best option. We have a choice—between a win- lose approach, where we focus on each other as the problem, and a win-win approach, where we solve the problem together. 5. Listen and learn: Conflicts are often based on stereotypes and lack of information. We need to find out more about each other—ask questions and listen until we truly understand each other’s point of view. We all want to be heard and understood. Truly hearing and being heard can actually transform a conflict. 6. Discover what’s important: We tend to have disagreements over our positions—the way we see things or what we want. But we seldom talk about our interests and needs—the reasons why our positions are important to us. There is value in expressing our interests and needs honestly, and asking the other parties about theirs. Often there is some overlap in interests and needs—the common ground where we are likely to find solutions. 7. Respect each other: Conflicts can be very emotional. Whatever happens, we must respect everyone's dignity. A lasting agreement can only hold if the parties grow to trust one another. We need to take responsibility for our role in the conflict and stay away from blaming; it only creates resentment and anger. 8. Find common ground: Finding common ground does not mean settling for the lowest common denominator. It's about generating the highest. Often when people disagree, they meet in the middle and everyone has to compromise. Finding common ground is creating a new “highest common denominator.” It means identifying something we can all aspire to and work towards together. 9. Be creative: There are always many different ways to solve a problem and meet a need. If there is trust and commitment, a solution is possible. The goal is to generate alternatives and make sure we address the deep issues, not just the superficial symptoms, so the conflict is less likely to recur. A final point... We each make a difference. Working together to find common ground is a learning experience for all involved. It takes courage to take this route because it is rarely the easy option, but ultimately it can be the most rewarding. By choosing to deal with conflict in a non-adversarial manner, we create a place where it is safe to disagree and contribute to transforming the way the world deals with conflict. Circulated by www.marilynlevin.com www.MarilynLevin.com Page 337 of 356
TRANSFORMING SCARCITY INTO SUFFICIENCY
TOXIC LIE OF SCARCITY
Lynne Twist, Global Activist and author of The Soul of Money , explains that this mindset of scarcity has trapped us in a system where no matter how excessively we accumulate; we never have a sense of enough. This goes beyond possessions to create a sense that we as people are not enough (good enough, attractive enough, successful enough, etc.).
The three parts to this LIE are: • There is Not Enough to Go Around • More is Better • That’s Just the Way It Is
These toxic lie’s confuse us and push us to disregard our deepest dreams for humanity and instead settle for the pursuit of excess.
THE RADICAL TRUTH OF SUFFICIENCY
The good news is that we can consciously shift our experience of life away from scarcity towards sufficiency. Sufficiency, Lynne explains, is that perfect place of enough. Just as in a garden, in our lives, we flourish when there is just the right amount of what we need – not too little or way too much of what we need. Sufficiency is about thriving, not just getting by. It is about remembering to notice how sufficient our lives are when we focus on all we have and all we are instead of what we lack.
The Principle of Sufficiency from The Soul of Money , by Lynne Twist:
When you let go of trying to get more of what you don’t really need, which is what we’re all trying to get more of, it frees up immense energy to make a difference with what you have. When you make a difference with what you have, it expands.
How to Transform Scarcity into Sufficiency Become Grounded in Gratitude for the enoughness all around you Develop the Art of Appreciation and Acknowledgment, for yourself and others Be known for what you allocate, generate and contribute not what you accumulate Claim your capacity to be an extraordinary human being and use your life to create a world you wish for
The personal satisfaction, fulfillment and sense of wholeness that comes from making this shift enables one to have access to that unlimited pool of inner resources that generate a world where sufficiency, wholeness, integrity and completeness are the natural course of events, and are in balance with the truth of the natural world.
* For more see www.globalsufficiency.org . www.MarilynLevin.com Page 338 of 356
UNDERSTANDING THE SYSTEMS OF OPPRESSION
Oppression is individual, institutional or societal behavior of dehumanizing, suppressing or exploiting a group of people based on their social category. Oppression operates on multiple levels and is perpetuated through all facets of life. These levels include:
• Individual: Individual attitudes and actions • Institutional: Policies, laws, rules and norms used by society’s institutions (i.e. schools, workplaces, religious groups, media, social service and legal systems) • Societal: Social codes, norms, roles, rituals, language and artistic expression
The fundamental problem with the systems of oppression is that people have unequal access to power, resources, opportunities and acceptance based on the social categories they fit into.
These systems and structures of oppression that keep people from sharing power, resources, opportunities and acceptance equally:
Were Not Our Choice and Are Not Our Fault.
But, if we wish to coexist peacefully, they are inescapably Our Responsibility
None of us is born wanting to live in world that is unfair or unjust.
The only reason we succumbed to accepting these systems is because we were culturally conditioned as children, when we didn’t have the power to resist. This well intentioned, but detrimental, effort to help us function within the existing systems is taught and reinforced by:
• People in our lives (parents, teachers, leaders, etc.) • Institutions we participate in (school, religious, legal, business, media etc.) • Culture we live within (values, practices, beliefs, language, etc.)
We have all inherited a culture of unequal access to power, resources, opportunities and acceptance.
We all have experienced having access to these things and being denied access to these things to some degree. Our access, or lack of access, is significantly determined by the social categories we fit in to. Whether we have access or are denied access we are ALL HURT BY THIS SYSTEM of inequality.
Where we fall out on the grid of social identities has a big impact on our lives. Take a look at this Social Identity Grid :
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Social Category Common Identities within the Category Age Child Teen Elder Young Adult Senior Middle Aged Gender Transgender Women Men Race Multi-Racial Person of Color Multi-Racial White Class Low Income Working Class Middle Class Owning Class
Sexual Orientation Queer Bisexual Gay & Lesbian Bisexual Asexual Heterosexual Religion Jewish Atheist Hindu Sufi Bahia Buddhist Christian Muslim Jehovah’s Witness Mormon Agnostic Spiritual Catholic Ability Severe Disability Moderate Disability No Disability Lesser Degree of Access ------Higher Degree of Access
Generally speaking, the more we fall out on the right side of this grid, the higher access we have to power, resources, opportunities and acceptance. The more we fall out on the left side of the grid the less access we have to these things. There are significant benefits to higher access. Including:
Access to power within institutional and cultural systems Access to resources and opportunities Societal acceptance and respect for our social category Freedom from exploitation based on our social category
Higher access to power, resources, opportunities and acceptance is typically viewed as exclusively positive but as you can see below; this higher access comes with significant costs.
Pressure to repress and escape the reality of unjust systems (i.e. denial and defensiveness)
Disconnection from inner humanity in order to tolerate benefiting from an unjust system (i.e. losing touch with our compassionate, courageous nature)
Sense of Entitlement that saps experience of gratitude and sense of appreciation (i.e. Expecting things to go our way and being disappointed when they don’t)
Misalignment of values and behavioral actions (i.e. accumulating wealth while children starve)
And there are other costs for everyone:
Regardless of what social categories we fit in to, living in an unjust and inequitable system has severe negative consequences for us ALL. Examples include:
Emotional repression that inhibits connection to self and closeness to others
Conditioning to view others different from us with fear, judgment and contempt
Pressure to focus on shame, blame and guilt instead of responsibility and action
Living with fear, hopelessness, cynicism and resignation and the unhealthy coping mechanisms we use to deal with these (violence, addictions, greed, isolation, etc.). www.MarilynLevin.com Page 340 of 356
Complexities to Consider • This is NOT about who is right or wrong, who is good or bad or who is worthy or unworthy. These are distinctions that are destructive to the process of understanding the system that is damaging to us all. This IS about developing an awareness of the damages of the inequities for us ALL and creating a world that works for everyone.
• When examining this system, it can get easy to blame the people with the most access instead of blaming the system. It is useful to remember that we all have the same conditioning to go along with the status quo and that the costs of the system are immense for us all. For example the people with the most access are most pressured to surrender their humanity to accept the benefits of the inequitable system at the expense of others.
• Our differences are not the cause of oppression only the excuse used to continue oppression. For example, there is NO scientific basis for separating people into racial categories. Racial categories were created, during the time of slavery, to justify and perpetuate the mistreatment of people based on skin color.
• The Social Identity Grid is based on a United States perspective. This would look somewhat different from a world view or from the view of other countries (i.e. Christian would not always be on the right side of the grid as it is from the U.S perspective).
• When a person whose social category (i.e. men) allows them greater access to power, resources, opportunities and acceptance behaves in ways that are like the others in that social category (i.e. women) they can suffer similar treatment even though they don’t belong to that category. For example, when men show sensitivity or emotional vulnerability they are judged and criticized for being too much like women.
• The identities in the Social Identity Grid are laid out as a starting point for discussion. There are numerous considerations for determining placement and shifts in placement are acceptable in many cases. One example is the duplicate listings for multi-racial and bisexual. In these cases, whether or not a multi-racial or bisexual person could be mistaken for white or heterosexual has an impact on their access to power, resources, opportunities and acceptance.
By breaking through our cultural habit of denial and fully accepting the negative impact of these systems on us all, we can find inspiration and motivation to reconnect to our humanity and discontinue our participation in these systems that don’t serve us as individuals or as a human community.
Our heroes like MLK. Gandhi and Mother Teresa broke free of this system by living in compassion and respect for all others, non-violently standing up for those who suffered while holding love in their hearts for those inflicting the suffering. We can choose to do this as well!
The Systems of Oppression will be transformed when ALL parties in the system experience healing and end their participation in the system! www.MarilynLevin.com Page 341 of 356
Working on Understanding Oppression – Exploring where you fit.
1) Go to the social identity grid and explore where you are on the grid currently and the impact that has in your life. Look at the benefits and the costs of where you fit.
2) Go to the social identity grid and circle the categories you fit into now and underline the categories you fit into growing up. Notice if there have been shifts over time. What impact have these shifts had on your life?
3) Go to the grid again and put a check mark over the categories of people you feel comfortable with and do or would stand up for. Draw a line through the categories of people you don’t feel comfortable with or don’t or wouldn’t stand up for. Look for an understanding of why this is. What is it that makes some categories of people easier for you to embrace and support?
4) Internalized Oppression is where members of a marginalized group accept the negative misinformation about their group and perpetuate negative treatment towards their group. Take a look at any of the categories you fit into that are not on the far right hand side (which would put you at least somewhat in a marginalized group). Explore the misinformation and negative messages you got about these parts of your social identity.
5) Use the information in this handout to explore the benefits and costs of where you fit on the social identity grid. Use the sections on the benefits and costs of higher access.
6) Examine the costs for everyone section of this handout and explore the impact these have in your life.
7) Explore the complexities to consider section of this handout and any reactions/questions/suggestions you have about this list.
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APPENDICES – REFERENCES AND RESOURCES
REFERENCES
Abdullah, S. (1999). Creating a world that works for all. San Francisco: Berrett-Koechler Publishers, Inc.
Adams, M. (Eds.), Bell, L.A. (Eds.), Griffin, P (1997). Teaching for diversity and social justice: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge
Anderson, M. (Eds.). (1999). Help increase the peace: Program Manual (2nd Ed.). Baltimore, MD: The American Friends Service Committee Middle Atlantic Region.
Byrne, R. (2006). The secret. New York: Simon & Schuster, Inc.
Chodron, P. (1997). When things fall apart: Heart advice for difficult times. Boston: Shambhala.
Chopra, D. (2001). The deeper wound: Recovering the soul from fear and suffering. New York: Harmony Books.
Chopra, D. (2005). Flaws of perception [Electronic version]. Resurgence, 231,
Chopra, D. (2005). Peace is the way: Bringing war and violence to an end. New York: Harmony
Cushnir, R. (2005). Us vs. them. Spirituality & Health, Issue, 8(3), 42-47.
Frank, L.S. (2004). Journey toward the caring classroom: Using adventure to create community. Oklahoma City, OK: Wood ‘N’ Barnes Publishing & Distribution.
Gawain, S. (1978). Creative visualization. Mill Valley: Bantam Books, Inc.
Gil, D.G. (1998). Confronting injustice and oppression: Concepts and strategies for social workers. New York: Columbia University Press.
Goodall, J. (1999). Reason for hope: A spiritual journey. New York: Warner Books.
Greenspan, M. (2004). The wisdom of the dark emotions. Spirituality & Health, 7(6), 36-40.
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Harman, W. (1998). Global mind change: The promise of the 21st century (2nd Ed.). San Francisco: Berrett-Koechler Publishers Inc.
Hawkin, P. (2007). Blessed unrest, New York: Penguin Group, Inc.
Hollander. G.W. (2002). Hand Slap Activity. Personal Communication. www.garyhollander.com
Houston, J. (2000). Jump time: Shaping your future in a world of radical change. New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/ Putnam Books.
Hwoschinsky, C. (2002). Listening with the heart: A guide for compassionate listening (3rd Ed.). Indianola, WA: The Compassionate Listening Project.
Jackins, T. (2002, June). Working together to end racism: Healing from the damage caused by racism. (Available from United to End Racism, Rational Island Publishers P.O. Box 2081, Main Office Station, Seattle WA 98111)
Jackson, T. (1993). Activities that teach. New York: Red Rock Publishing.
Johnson, A.G. (2001). Privilege, power, and difference. Mountain View, CA: Mayfield Publishing Company.
Kasl, C. (2001). If the Buddha married: Creating enduring relationships on a spiritual path. New York: Penguin Compass.
Ray, P., & Anderson, S.R. (2000). The cultural creatives: How 50 million people are changing the world. New York: Harmony Books.
Revolutionary. (2007). Law of Attraction: It’s Not About You (or Me). June 13, 2007, www.manifestrevolution.com/blog.
Schnarch, D. (1997). Passionate marriage. New York: Henry Hold and Company, LLC.
Smith, T.E., & Quinn, W.J. (2004). The challenge of native American traditions (2nd Ed.). Lake Geneva, WI: Raccoon Institute.
Taylor, M. (2005). The daily tsunami of indifference. Round river currents, 5, 4-5. www.MarilynLevin.com Page 344 of 356
The Institute of Noetic Sciences & Captured Light. (N.D.). What the bleep do we know!: A study guide and manual for navigating rabbit holes. Retrieved April 22, 2006, from http://www.noetic.org/research/files/Bleep_Study_Guide.pdf
The Institute of Noetic Sciences (2007). The 2007 shift report: evidence of a world transforming.
Twist, L. (2004). Focus Activity. Personal Communication. www.soulofmoney.org
Twist, L. (2003). The soul of money: Transforming your relationship with money and life. New York: W.W. Norton & Company.
Vanzant, I. (1993). Acts of faith: daily meditations for people of color. New York: Simon & Schuster, Inc.
Vitale. J. (2005). The Attractor factor: 5 easy steps for creating wealth (or anything else) from the inside out. New Jersey: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Walker, A. (2006). We are the ones we’ve been waiting for: Inner light in a time of darkness. New York: The New Press.
Wheeler Hall, K, (2005). Illumination, United States: Publish America.
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RESOURCES (IN ADDITION TO THOSE LISTED IN REFERENCES)
Bigelow, B. (Eds.), & Peterson, B. (Eds.). (2002). Rethinking globalization: Teaching for justice in an unjust world . Milwaukee, WI: Rethinking Schools.
Carter, J. (2005). Our endangered values: America’s moral crisis . New York: Simon & Schuster.
Chappelle, S. & Bigman, L. (With Hillyer, F., contributions from Morris-Scott, J.A., Prouty, I. & Crawford, B.). (1998). Diversity in action: Using adventure activities to explore issues of diversity with middle school age youth . United States of America: Project Adventure, Inc.
Chodron, P. (2007). Turn your thinking upside down. Shambhala Sun, 15(5), 58-61, 105.
Denney, N. (2007). Lessons from the road: Inspirational insights by leading speakers in education. Massachusetts: Zing! Leadership Development Systems, LLC.
Dinsmore, J. (2007). My name is child of god…not those people: A first person look at poverty. Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Fortess.
Epstein, D.M. (1998). Going to pieces without falling apart: A Buddhist perspective on wholeness . New York: Broadway Books.
Epstein, D.M. (2000). Healing myths healing magic: Breaking the spell of old illusions; Reclaiming our power to heal . San Rafael, California: Amber-Allen Publishing, Inc.
Flippo, T. (2000). Facilitating Change: Social Justice in outdoor experiential education. Unpublished Masters thesis, Vermont College of Norwich University, Brattleboro, VT.
Gary, T., Kohner, M., & Adess, N. (Eds.) (1998). Inspired philanthropy: Creating a giving plan: A workbook (2nd Ed.). Berkeley: Chardon Press.
Graaf, J.D., Wann, D., & Naylor, T.H. (With Redefining Progress). (2002). Affluenza: The all-consuming epidemic . San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.
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Havens, M.D. (1992). Bridges to accessibility: A primer for including persons with disabilities in adventure cirricula. Dubuque, IA: Kensall/Hunt.
Herbert, J.T. (2000). Simulation as a learning method to facilitate disability awareness. Journal of Experiential Education. 23(1). 5-12.
Hill, J., & Cheadle, R. (1996). The bible tells me so: Uses and abuses of holy scripture . New York: Anchor Books/ Doubleday.
Hooks, B. (1994). Teaching to transgress: Education as the practice of freedom. New York: Routledge.
Jones, E., Haenfler, R., Johnson, B., & Klocke, B. (2001). The better world handbook: From good intentions to everyday actions . Gabriola Island, BC: New Society Publishers.
Kindersley, B., & Kindersley, A. (1995). Children just like me . New York: Durling Kindersley Publishing, Inc.
Kivel, P. (1996). Uprooting racism: How white people can work for racial justice . Gabriola Island, BC: New Society Publishers.
Kusch, F.C., Jr. (2001). Leadership: On the wings of wisdom . La Crosse, WI: CharBenAnne Press.
O’Neill, J.H. (1997). The golden ghetto: The psychology of affluence . Center City, MN: Hazelden.
Palmer, P. (2000). Let your life speak: Listening for the voice of vocation . San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Roddick, A. (2001). Take it personally: How to make conscious choices to change the world . Berkeley, CA: Conari Press.
Smith, D.J., & Wyatt, V. (Eds.), (With illustrations by Armstrong, S.). (2002). If the world were a village: A book about the world’s people . Tonawanda, NY: Kids Can Press Ltd.
Sugerman, D. (2001). Inclusive outdoor education: Facilitating groups that include people with disabilities. Journal of Experiential Education . 24(3). 166-113.
Twist, L. (2001). Fundraising from the heart/ Available from Fundraising from the Heart c/o Synergem, 115 Newfield Ave, Edison, NJ, 08818.
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Tolle, E. (2005). A new earth: Awakening to your life’s purpose . New York: Penguin Group.
Walker, A. (2006). We are the ones we have been waiting for: Inner light in a time of darkness . New York, NY: The New Press.
Warren, K. (1996). Women’s voices in experiential education . Dubuque, IA: Kendall/ Hunt Publishing Company.
Warren, K. (2005). A path worth taking: The development of social justice in outdoor experiential education. Equity & Excellence in Education. 38(1).
Warren, K. (2002). Preparing the next generation: Social justice in outdoor leadership education and training. Journal of Experiential Education, 25(1), 231-238.
Warren, K. (1998a). A call for race, gender, and class sensitive facilitation in outdoor experiential education. Journal of experiential Education, 21(1), 21-25.
Warren, K. (1998b). Old Paradigms, new visions: Social justice in outdoor adventure. Ziplines (37), 54-55.
Warren, K. (1999a). Social justice turning initiative. Ziplines (39), 42-4.
Warren, K. (1999b). Unpacking the knapsack of outdoor experiential education: Race, gender and class sensitive outdoor leadership. Unpublished Ph.D. dissertation, The Union Instititute, Cincinnati, OH.
Warren, K. & Flippo, T. (2001). Social justice speak out. Ziplines . (42), 36-38.
Warren, K. & Loeffler, T. A. (2000). Setting a place at the table: Social justice research in outdoor experiental education. Journal of Experiential Education , 23(2), 85-90.
Warren, K. (1998). Educating students for social justice in service learning. Journal of Experiential Education, 21(3), 134-139.
Warren, K. (1997). Where have we been, where are we going? Gender issues in experiential education. Journal of Experiential Education , 20(3), 117-118.
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RESOURCES - ORGANIZATIONS
The Global Sufficiency Network www.globalsufficiency.org Global Sufficiency Network is an international network of citizens, thought leaders, organizations and businesses that advocate for a world based in sufficiency. “Sufficiency” is a state of mind of enough where we experience an appreciation of all that we have and all that we are. In sufficiency, we are naturally called to serve the greater good and experience ourselves as generous, courageous, grateful, and fulfilled
Association for Experiential Education www.aee.org The Association for Experiential Education (AEE) is a nonprofit, professional membership association dedicated to experiential education and the students, educators and practitioners that utilize its philosophy.
Four Year’s Go. www.fouryearsgo.org Four Years. Go. is a campaign to change the course of history. It is a massive global initiative to put humanity on a just, sustainable and fulfilling course by 2/14/2014.
Institute of Noetic Sciences www.noetic.org IONS conducts and sponsors leading-edge research into the potentials and powers of consciousness
Search for Common Ground www.sfcg.org This international organization seeks to transform the way the world deals with conflict.
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The Compassionate Listening Project www.compassionatelistening.org This project is dedicated to empowering individuals to heal polarization and build bridges between people, communities and nations in conflict.
Public Conversations Project www.listeningproject.org Sponsored by Rural Southern Voice for Peace (RSVP) to help organizations make significant progress in their efforts for the environment, health, justice, peace and community.
New Road Map Foundation www.newroadmap.org New Roadmap promotes love and service as routes to personal and social well-being.
Save Darfur Coalition www.savedarfur.org The Save Darfur Coalition is an alliance of over 100 faith-based, humanitarian and human rights organizations. Their mission is to raise public awareness and to mobilize an effective unified response to the atrocities that threaten the lives of two million people in the Darfur region.
Challenge Day www.challengeday.org Challenge Day is a nonprofit organization that conducts transformational workshops in schools in 30 states, 2 provinces of Canada, and the International School system.
The Pachamama Alliance www.pachamama.org Their mission is to preserve the earth’s tropical rainforest by empowering the indigenous people who are its natural custodians.
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Prosperity4Kids, Inc www.prosperity4kids.com Empowering kids for a healthy financial future.
United Nations Headquarters www.un.org Formed in 1948 to declare universal human rights to all.
Alliance for the New Humanity www.anhglobal.org Their mission is to connect people who, through personal and social transformation, are committed to creating a just, peaceful, and sustainable world, reflecting the unity of humanity.
Youth for Environmental Sanity www.yesworld.org Their mission is helping outstanding young leaders build a better world.
Southern Poverty Law Center www.splcenter.org The Southern Poverty Law Center was founded in 1971 as a small civil rights law firm. Today, the Center is internationally known for its tolerance education programs, its legal victories against white supremacists and it's tracking of hate groups. See Teaching Tolerance resources, among others.
United for a Fair Economy www.faireconomy.org United for a Fair Economy is a national, independent, nonpartisan, 501(c) (3) non-profit organization. UFE raises awareness that concentrated wealth and power undermine the economy, corrupt democracy, deepen the racial divide, and tear communities apart. We support and help build social movements for greater equality. Excellent training resources.
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Anti-Defamation League www.adl.org The Anti-Defamation League was formed to stop the defamation of the Jewish people-to secure justice and fair treatment to all.
Wilderdom www.wilderdom.com Wilderdom explores human-nature relations and seeks sustainable solutions to modern living.
The Center for a New American Dream www.newdream.org The center for a New American Dream helps Americans consume responsibly to protect the environment, enhance quality of life, and promote social justice.
The International Re-evaluation Counseling Communities; United to End Racism Re-evaluation Counseling: www.rc.org United to End Racism: www.rc.org/uer Re-evaluation counseling (RC) is a process whereby people of all ages and of all backgrounds can learn how exchange effective help with each other in order to free themselves from the effects of past distress experiences. United to End Racism is a group of people of all ages and backgrounds, in many different countries, who are dedicated to eliminating racism in the world. The main work of UER is to eliminate the damage done to individuals by racism and to undo this damage on an individual basis using the resources and process of Re-evaluation counseling.
The National Conference for Community and Justice www.nccj.org NCCJ is a human relations organization dedicated to fighting bias, bigotry and racism in America. NCCJ promotes understanding and respect among all races, religions and cultures through advocacy, conflict resolution and education.
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Landmark Education www.landmarkeducation.com Landmark Education is a global educational enterprise committed to the fundamental principal that people have the possibility of success, fulfillment, and greatness. Take The Landmark Forum!
The Soul of Money Institute www.soulofmoney.org The Soul of Money Institute offers workshops, keynote speeches, consulting and coaching for organizations and individuals to create freedom, power and sufficiency in their relationship with money.
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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
It took a large village to write this book and I am infinitely grateful to everyone who made it possible. • To all of the people who attended my workshops over the years, thanks for the feedback, the fun and the learning. • To all of the colleagues at the Association for Experiential Education who helped me grow and develop as an experiential educator and a human being. • To the youth and adult supporters at Galaxy, RAY, Diverse and Resilient, the Coulee Region Social Justice Coalition and all of the other organizations I had the privilege to work with over the years. You showed me what love, courageous and taking a stand looks like. • To my beloved family and friends who have put up with my intense passion and supported me in following my purpose all of these years. • And especially to my extraordinary mom’s Polly Leonard and Linda Hurstad and my exceptional sister Carolyn Geil who spent hours and hours helping me with the book. And to my dad John Leonard and brother Mark Leonard, who show me what deeply good men look like in the world. • To the patient and smart friends and interns who helped in the editing of the book: Cheryl Schwartz, Corey Charubhat, Amanda Eckhardt, Aggie Baldwin, Marie Sortos, Ginger Pierce, Roy Shenk and Laurie Frank. • To my co-author Lea Arellano whose huge heart and fierce commitment to me continues to change my life. • To my ex-partner Kim Vogt who encouraged me to write in the early stages of this book. • To the talented practitioners in this book who submitted activities, handouts and other input: Mart Perkins, Tony Harris, Brian Ivory, Bobbi Beale, Amy Climer, Brian Juchems, Jackie Breitenstein, Carmen Wilson, and Arthur Richardson. • To my amazing children by choice: Tony Harris, Roy Heath, Tyler Frankum, Ginger Pierce, Amanda Eckhardt, Aggie Baldwin and Jacob Perez. • To my beloved wife Cyndi Smasal, who has made all my dreams come true within our miraculous relationship.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR AND CONTRIBUTING AUTHOR
Author - Marilyn Levin, MSW is a professional speaker and trainer, an author and an award winning activist. She directs her passion and talent in service of personal and global transformation so that we can create a world that works for everyone and pass it along to future generations. She has a broad range of experience in: non-profit work, youth work, experiential education, social justice, diversity and transformation work. See her website for more www.marilynlevin.com .
Marilyn is also Founder and Executive Director of Global Sufficiency Network, an organization committed to transforming the cultural context of scarcity into one of sufficiency, where we all experience a life and a world of enough www.globalsufficiency.org . You can reach her at [email protected] .
Marilyn is able to provide expert training, workshops and keynote speeches on the techniques and methods of using experiential activities to create a better world. She is also able to speak, train and present on any number of topics found within the book (i.e. addressing a particular form of oppression, nurturing amazing allies, effectively handling hurtful remarks and self care for people who care). She is also highly skilled at presenting train-the-trainer sessions that enable teams of people to use the activities and techniques in the book with great success.
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Contributing Author - Lea E. Arellano is a California based consultant, trainer, facilitator and coach. She is the principal of Human Solutions Consulting which is a network of diverse consultants of color who serve individuals, community based organizations, businesses and faith based social profits in building capacity through cross cultural relationship building, communications and strategic consulting. Human Solutions offers life changing seminars where people reconnect with their joy, passion and love of life renewing the natural happiness humans carry and need in order to be their best.
Lea has been in the field for over 25 years and brings a wealth of experience and new dynamic modalities for the most expeditious sustainable changes for individuals and organizations. Please see her website at www.human-solutions.us . You can reach Lea at [email protected] .
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