The Walkabout in an Alternative High School: Narrative As a Social Practice for Reflection on and Analysis of Experience

The Walkabout in an Alternative High School: Narrative as a Social Practice for Reflection on and Analysis of Experience

DISSERTATION

Presented in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree Doctor of Philosophy in the Graduate School of The Ohio State University

Larkin Weyand MFA, B.A.

Graduate Program in Education: Teaching and Learning

The Ohio State University

2016

Dissertation Committee: Dr. George Newell, Advisor Dr. David Bloome Dr. Valerie Kinloch

Copyrighted by

Larkin Weyand

2016

Abstract

The field of English Language Arts has a long history of valuing students’ experience and placing it at the center of curriculum and instruction. However, the means of making experience educative for students has proved to be a challenging conceptualization, especially within the realities of classroom life. This dissertation addresses this issue by exploring how a particular school used an 18-week experiential program called “Walkabout” to create opportunities for students’ experiences to become educative individually and collectively through narrative performance. In Walkabout, students reflect upon the educative value of their experiences through multiple oral and written narrativizations of experiences over time. I frame the practice of making experience educative in two ways. First, I build upon Dewey’s (1938) notions of continuity and interaction. Second, I rely upon sociolinguistic scholars who conceptualize narrative according to its situated function as manifested by language-in-use. The larger ethnographic research project from which this study is taken was a two-year study tracing the writing experiences of two senior classes involving 18 case study students. This study was the focus of the second year of the larger study. I use the methods of case study and interactional ethnography to trace students’ participation with narrativizations of experience according to Rogoff’s (1995) three planes of activity—apprenticeship, guided practice, and participatory appropriation—to structure my discussion of students’ sociocultural participation with narrativizations of experience over time on institutional,

interactional, and individual levels. Students were apprenticed into making experience educative over time through three primary moves: (1) making immediate evaluations tellable (2) constructing identities through narrativizations and (3) engaging in reflective meaning making on previous and ongoing narrativizations. These moves were evident in the students’ evolving language in use in how they narrativized their experiences over time in different narrative environments such as journals, class discussions, class papers, and public presentations. These moves were also influenced by the historical, institutional, and interactional forces that shaped the Walkabout program and its teachers, including an emphasis on individual and community growth and readiness to transition from adolescence to adulthood. By addressing student-generated narrativized topics over time, teachers were able to transform students’ immediate narrativized evaluations of experience into more complex topics. Three case study students demonstrated both resistance and acceptance of teachers’ attempts to engage them in reflective meaning- making but in all cases students did engage in robust dialogues where they at least considered alternate constructions of meaning regarding their narrativizations of experience. This study offers narrativizations of experience as a way to realize Dewey’s

(1938) argument that experiences can be made educative through continuity and interaction and carries theoretical, pedagogical, and methodological implications for the value of using students’ experience as heuristic for teaching and learning.

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Acknowledgments

While my name will be on the degree, many others deserve to share this honor with me. In fact, finishing the PhD would have been impossible without the help of many. I first want to thank the teachers at “Lincoln” for welcoming me into their wonderful school. I happened upon Lincoln about two weeks after arriving in Ohio, and

“Chase” and “Leslie” were quick to share with me their experience and expertise in helping students learn through Lincoln’s unique experiential philosophy. I instantly knew

I wanted to study their classes. Both have helped me see the profound value of designing curriculum that positions students as contributors. Chase, thank you for the crossing the street story and the Dumpster donuts story. Leslie, thank you for helping me finish this

“blah de blah” even when things were kind of “blah blah blah.” You have helped me “be listenable.” My PhD was my Walkabout. You helped me learn and grow through my experiences much in the same way you’ve helped decades of students. You belong on the

Mount Rushmore of Lincoln. I’m so glad we found each other before your retirement. I believe it was meant to be. Sorry you don’t love your pseudonym. J

Thank you to the seniors of Lincoln (classes of 2014 and 2015) for allowing me to inhabit a spot in the corner for two years. Thank you for learning to live with the constant video and audio recorders. Many Lincoln students agreed to be my case study students over the two years. They willingly gave of their time in interviews and willingly shared

their candid and often very personal thoughts by allowing me to read their journals. I am especially grateful for “Heidi,” “Cheryl,” and “Mallory,” whose generosity and narrativizations of experience shaped much of this study.

Thank you to Dr. George Newell, my advisor, for taking me under his wing. I’m so grateful to you for the opportunities afforded me by working with you on the

Argumentative Writing Project. You have shown me what it means to be relentless as a scholar. Thank you for supporting my dissertation work and suggesting the types of contributions I might make with my study. Thank you Dr. David Bloome and Dr. Valerie

Kinloch for modeling scholarship for me. You are both tireless in your efforts.

Thank you to my fellow past and present doctoral students, particularly Brent

Goff, Allison Wynhoff Olsen, Jen VanDerHeide, Eileen Buescher, Minyoung Kim, and

SangHee Ryu. I have learned so much by preparing class and conference papers with each of you. Thanks for always being collaborative and quick to laugh.

I am grateful to my teachers. Mrs. Lloyd started my fire for English in ninth grade with “The Most Dangerous Game” and Romeo and Juliet. Mrs. Mary Sue Mousseau, who

I did not like at first, became my very favorite high school teacher. One of her projects ruined my Christmas break during 10th grade, but I’m still proud of it. Two of my college professors, Dr. Debbie Dean and Dr. Chris Crowe, have inspired me through the years as both a student and as a developing teacher. In fact, in the summer of 2011, I asked

Debbie Dean, “How do I become you?” Her answer helped put me on this path.

I am grateful to my longtime colleagues at American Fork High School. I interviewed very poorly for this job, but somehow I got it. Working with forces of nature

such as Sam Beeson, Wendy Frazier-Snyder, Laurel Shelley, Leilani Sheen, Shelley

Shupe, Christine Neher, Kira Ludwig-Shelton, Melissa Gibbons, Scott Lind, and Christie

Hoopes continually influences my attitudes toward teaching and students.

Most importantly, I want to thank my family. Thank you to my parents—John and

Charlene (The Duke and Chuck)—for giving me an excellent childhood and for always valuing education. Thank you to Roy and Marilyn for their unflagging support of an

English major. Thank you to my four kids: Ashley, Abby, Paige, and August for being so brave about moving across the country and starting over with friends. Ohio has been good to us. The tears you had over moving to Ohio have been replaced with tears for moving away from Ohio. Finally, and most importantly, thank you to Marianne. We had a good job, a good house, good friends, and two cars in Utah. When I suggested trading all of that for the repeated privileges of helping me make transcripts and picking me up late at night in the McDonald’s parking lot on High Street, you were quickly on board.

We didn’t know how this would all work out, but I’m so grateful that you always had faith that it would. Completing the PhD would have been impossible without your generosity and flexibility. You are beautiful inside and out. I love you.

Vita

2001…………………………B.A. English Teaching, Brigham Young University

2003…………………………MFA Creative Writing (Fiction), University of Maryland

2003-2012…………………..American Fork High School, American Fork, UT: English Teacher; Art Teacher

Publications

Newell, G.E., Bloome, D., Hirvela, A., with Lin, T.VanDerHeide, J., Wynhoff Olsen, A., and Buescher, E., Goff, B., Kim, M., Ryu, S., Weyand, L. (2015). Teaching and Learning Argumentative Writing in High School English Language Arts Classrooms, New York: Routledge.

Instructional Video, “Finding Sources for a Research Paper” published on the OSU flipped ESL YouTube page, October 2014 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xt2aNWTuRJk

Instructional Video, “Show Me, Don’t Tell Me: Using Concrete Details to Hold the Reader’s Attention” published on Coursera’s “Writing II: Rhetorical Composing” MOOC, May 2013 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vBvwtsZWO0

Book Trailer, “Stories That Speak To Us Race and Gender” published by Utah State University Press, April 2013 http://ccdigitalpress.org/features/stories-speak-us- race-gender-trailer

Fields of Study

Major Field: Education, Teaching and Learning

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Table of Contents

Abstract ...... ii Acknowledgments ...... iv Vita ...... vii List of Tables ...... x List of Figures ...... xi List of Examples ...... xii List of Transcripts ...... xiii Chapter 1: Small Story Narrativizations of Experience ...... 1 Putting Experience at the Center of ELA Curriculum ...... 2 Small Stories and Big Stories ...... 8 From Structure to Practice in the Teaching and Learning of Narrative in High School ELA Classrooms ...... 12 Studying How Literacy and Social Practices Develop Over Time: Narrative Telling at Lincoln High School ...... 22 Research Questions ...... 24 Chapter 2: Theoretical Frame ...... 27 Applying Rosenblatt’s Transactional Theory to Narrativizations of Experience ...... 27 An Ethnographic Perspective to Study Narrative as a Literacy Practice ...... 31 Narrative Structure, Discourse Analysis, and Identity Construction ...... 38 New Literacy Studies ...... 50 Studying How Social and Literacy Practices Develop Over Time ...... 52 Chapter 3: Research Method ...... 53 Context of the Study ...... 54 Selecting and Entering Lincoln High School ...... 58 Data Collection ...... 60 Data Analyses ...... 66 Chapter 4: Apprenticeship of Narrative Development in an Alternative School Committed to Experiential Education ...... 86 The Sociocultural Context of the Walkabout Program ...... 87 Chapter 5: How Interaction Guides Participation in Seminar and Journal Interactions . 111 First Event: Oral Narrativizations of Experience and Instructional Conversations in Seminar ...... 117 Second Event: Journaling Narrativizations of Experience: Tellability of the Immediate ...... 142 Guided Participation through Reflective Questions and/or Statements ...... 161 Interacting with Narrativized Texts and Making Meaning in the First Two Events .. 163

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Reflecting on Narrativizations of Experience As a Way of Knowing ...... 166 Chapter 6: Individual Appropriation of Reflection through Narrativizations of Experience ...... 168 Four Individual Narrative Engagements ...... 168 Cheryl’s Appropriation of Narrativization Moves in Small Stories ...... 171 Cheryl’s Construction of Identity in Big Story Narrativizations of Experience ...... 211 Individual Appropriation of Narrativizations of Experience ...... 214 Chapter 7: Conclusions and Implications ...... 218 Theoretical Implications ...... 226 Pedagogical Implications ...... 234 Methodological Implications ...... 238 Conclusions: ...... 243 References ...... 246 Appendix A: Walkabout Documents ...... 258 Appendix B: Full Transcriptions of First Event Series ...... 273 Appendix C: Full Transcriptions of Second Event Series ...... 283 Appendix D: Full Transcriptions of Cheryl’s Narrativizations of Experience Over Time ...... 295 Appendix E: Instructional Chain for Walkabout 2015 (Detailed) ...... 329 Appendix F: Detailed Instructional Chain for “Heidi” ...... 335

List of Tables

Table 1.1: Immediate to Mediate Stories Continuum ……………………………………19 Table 3.1: Phases of larger Lincoln study………………………………………………..55 Table 3.2: Data collection by research question…………………………………………60 Table 3.3: Description of data collected from Walkabout 2015…………………………62 Table 3.4: Field notes sample February 13, 2015……………………………………….63 Table 3.5: Abbreviated topical mapping of Heidi’s Walkabout…………………………70 Table 3.6: Transcription Key…………………………………………………………….74 Table 3.7: Discourse Analysis categories for Walkabout narratives…………………….75 Table 3.8: Sample analytic table from January 20, 2015 Seminar………………………76 Table 3.9: Analytic system for written small stories and big stories……………….……78 Table 3.10: Coding journaling interaction between student and mentor………………...79 Table 3.11: Student participation across narrative settings……………………………...81 Table 3.12: Small story and big story developments of a theme………………………...82 Table 5.1: Key interactional events for Seminar and Walkabout journals……………..112 Table 5.2: Instructional chain of guided participation in Walkabout with key events…113 Table 5.3: Week 1 journal prompts and Seminar topics for reflection…………………118 Table 5.4: Reflective questions/ statements in first two event series…………………..162 Table 5.5: Making meaning by interacting with narrativized texts in first two event series …………………………………………………………………………………………..164 Table 6.1: Cheryl’s evaluations of Growth and Independence over time………………177 Table 6.2: Verbs as evaluations of self in Cheryl’s Symposium……………………….179 Table 6.3: Hoping in Cheryl’s March 25, 2015 journal………………………………...192 Table 6.4: Cheryl’s March 25, 2015 journal: Blaming herself…………………………192 Table 6.5: Cheryl’s March 25, 2015 Journal: Detailing her hard work………………...194 Table 6.6: Cheryl’s March 25, 2015 journal: Blaming Mr. Alvarez…………………...195 Table 6.7: Cheryl’s March 25, 2015 journal: Contrasting Max to Mr. Alvarez………..197 Table 6.8: Mike’s use of pronouns in the journal interaction…………………………..201

List of Figures

Figure 1.1: CCSS Narrative Writing Standards, Grades 9-10…………………………...16 Figure 1.2: Experience, socially constructed narrativizations, reflection triangle……….31 Figure 4.1: Chain of topics for reflection in Seminar discussions…………………….....99 Figure 6.1: The structure of Mike’s warrants for Cheryl taking action………………...204

List of Examples

Example 3.1: Excerpt of Walkabout Seminar general instructional chain………………68 Example 3.2: Excerpt of Heidi’s Walkabout instructional chain………………………..69

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List of Transcripts

Transcript 4.1: March 6: Research interview with Jeremy……………………………..109 Transcript 5.1: January 20 Inviting reportage and evaluations…………………………119 Transcript 5.2: January 20 Renae’s Week 1 narrativizations…………………………..121 Transcript 5.3: January 20 Renae’s “old man story”…………………………………...125 Transcript 5.4: January 20 Reflective meaning making: “good people”……………….132 Transcript 5.5: January 20 Renae Reflective meaning making: Expectations………….138 Transcript 5.6: Heidi’s January 8, 2015 journal entry: First day……………………….144 Transcript 5.7: Heidi’s January 9, 2015 journal entry: I overthink everything………...147 Transcript 5.8: Heidi’s January 12, 2015 journal entry: Taking initiative is hard……...151 Transcript 6.1: Cheryl’s Journal March 18, 2015: Positioning Audience: Rewards…...175 Transcript 6.2: Mike’s March 31, 2015 reflective questions on confidence part 1…….199 Transcript 6.3: Mike’s March 31, 2015 reflective questions on confidence part 2…….202 Transcript 6.4: Reflecting on confidence, taking risks, and growth in Cheryl’s April 4, 2015 journal…………………………………………………………………………….206 Transcript 6.5: Cheryl’s journal April 4, 2015: Choosing to be pro-active…………….207 Transcript 6.6: Cheryl’s April 4, 2015 journal: Developing emotional maturity………208 Transcript 6.7: Cheryl’s April 4, 2015 journal: Recognizing the challenges of growth..209 Transcript 6.8: Cheryl’s 4/16 Journal: Patience………………………………………...210 Transcript 6.9: Cheryl’s Book Submission: Positioning Character: Vocal coach……...213

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Chapter 1: Small Story Narrativizations of Experience

This dissertation is about the situated nature of how high school seniors socially construct literacy and social practices over time as they engage in narrative talk and narrative writing specific to an experiential education experience called “Walkabout.”

While these students ultimately present written and oral big stories (Freeman, 2006) at the end of their Walkabout experience, they first engage in close to 20 weeks of literacy and social practices dedicated to small stories (Bamberg and Georgakopoulou, 2008;

Bamberg, 2007). Small stories, also called narratives-in-interaction, represent what

Georgakopoulou has called “the second wave of narrative analysis” (2006c, p. 123), meaning the field of narrative analysis not only sees narratives as texts but as interactions and/or performative events. However this research project is about more than speaking, writing and performing narratives. I also see my work as an initial effort to wrangle with an issue that the field of English Language Arts (ELA) has attempted to make central to curricular reform since the progressive era of the 1930s. In the next section I will briefly describe this curricular challenge and then use it as a backdrop against which to consider how senior high schools used narrative as a tool for reflection and analysis in understanding their experiences during a school-sponsored “walkabout" that I will describe at some length below.

Putting Experience at the Center of ELA Curriculum

Although neither I nor the teachers with whom I collaborated in this study of narrative performance realized it at the time, my work at an alternative high school which

I refer to as “Lincoln” brought my research into a conversation that has been part of ELA for most of the 20th century and into 21st century. That is, what is the nature of experience, what is the distinction between non-educative and educative experience, and how might it become a focus for curriculum and instruction? Although a full response to such questions is not the purposes of my research, I will rely on Lincoln’s concern with analysis of experience as an initial step in considering what a program based in students’ experiences might become. I am especially interested in what happens when the performance of spoken and written narrative becomes part and parcel of what Dewey

(1938) theorized as the constitution of educative experiences: “the principles of interaction and continuity” (p. 51). First, however, I want to detail how the field of ELA has long struggled with how to utilize experience in the classroom. Applebee (1974) gives an excellent overview of this struggle, which I will now briefly summarize.

Kilpatrick (1918) devised a four-part project method (embody an idea in an external form; enjoy something; solve a problem; attain a skill) to engage students in moral development in a democratic society, what he called “the purposeful act.”

Kilpatrick’s project method gained wide appeal within the field. While by and large, teachers didn’t incorporate all four of the parts, Kilpatrick’s work did help teachers conceptualize education and experience as the same thing.

Ideas about defining experience and utilizing experience in the classroom evolved over the years in various forms: viewing literature as a “vicarious” experience (Hosic,

1921); viewing literature as a study of types (Rich, 1921); viewing literature as a means of providing students with a moral experience where a focus on values could be fused with depictions of experience (Leonard, 1922); judging literature on how well it captured experience in a coherent form and thus more of a focus on the “educative function” of the literature rather than on possible moral lessons (Jones, 1925).

Such efforts were opposed by those who valued literature as a way to teach discipline (Shackford, 1925) or communal religious and humanistic values (Babbitt,

1920). Others opposed Kilpatrick’s project method for fear of “turning the literature course into a class in handicraft” (LaBrant, 1931). Others worried about the nature of guidance teachers were to give when the focus was on experience (Jones, 1929). Many favored instruction that focused on the social rather than the individual (Calverton, 1931), which for some, including Kilpatrick, meant indoctrinating the nation toward socialism

(Counts, 1932).

In 1929, the Curriculum Commission within NCTE developed An Experience

Curriculum to focus on student centeredness and experience from kindergarten to college. Their final report was published in 1935. While the report’s focus on experience built off of Dewey’s (1899, 1916) work, he is not cited. The Commission’s objective was to “define the scope of English instruction” and establish “a consensus where none existed” (Applebee, 1974, p. 118). An Experience Curriculum proposed units lasting from five to fifteen days called “experience strands” which would be a series of

experiences that would progressively build students’ intellectual and social abilities over time. The downfall of An Experience Curriculum was its struggle to define the concept of experience or to articulate sample experience strands and how they differed from other pedagogical approaches. Applebee (1996), while citing the report, describes it this way:

Through well-selected experiences, the argument went, students would

acquire the knowledge and skills they needed. The concept of experience

that structured the report was quite shallow, however: the role of English

was “to provide the communication (speaking, writing, listening, reading)

necessary to the conduct of social activities, and to provide indirect (or

vicarious) experiences where direct experiences are impossible or

undesirable” (p. 4). (p. 86)

The consequence of these vague definitions was that nearly any activity could be counted as doing English. According to Applebee (1996), An Experience Curriculum suffered from three major problems:

• Experiences were too individualized and thus, at best, fostered fragmentary

discourse.

• Experiences were too isolated and thus lacked what Dewey (1938) later called the

“continuity of experience” (p. 28).

• Experiences were too arbitrary to be clearly labeled as English Language Arts.

The report failed to define what was being taught and what was being learned, or in other words what experiences were leading to. The report didn’t clearly define how to make the experience curriculum actionable.

As mentioned previously, Dewey (1938) writes of educative and mis-educative experiences. The difference between the two, according to Dewey, comes down to two factors: continuity and interaction. Continuity refers to how experiences are stringed together, meaning any experience is influenced by what has come before and will in turn, influence what follows. “Every experience is a moving force. Its value can be judged only on the ground of what it moves toward and into” (p. 38). As individuals, we are constantly dealing with our “immediate internal states” (p. 42). The opportunity or growth from the ongoing parade of experiences results from Dewey’s second factor of educative experiences, interaction. Interaction refers to how we and others, for example teachers, respond to and make use of those ever-present and ever-changing internal states.

The nature of our internal states is always shifting to the situation(s) happening around us. Thus interaction represents and opportunity to define the meaning of an experience.

Dewey explains it this way:

The conceptions of situation and of interaction are inseparable from each

other. An experience is always what it is because of a transaction taking

place between an individual and what, at the time, constitutes his

environment, whether the latter consists of persons with whom he is

talking about some topic of event, the subject talked about being also a

part of the situation . . . The environment, in other words, is whatever

conditions interact with personal needs, desires, purposes, and capacities

to create the experience which is had. (pp. 43-44)

The interaction regarding the continuity of experiences is critical to how one makes sense of past experiences and how one will approach future experiences. In other words the nature of the interaction will change the nature of the situation and thus will change the nature of the experience. Rosenblatt (1938), who I will discuss in more detail in Chapter

2, built on the ideas of Dewey to advocate for teachers using literature as a way to react to students’ “own intimate reactions” (p. 61). While An Experience Curriculum and the works of Dewey and Rosenblatt advocated for a greater emphases on student centeredness and experience, the field still struggles with putting these concepts into action. Lincoln’s Walkabout Program offers an example of these concepts in action.

Walkabout As a Way to Conceptualize Experience

Lincoln’s social and literacy practices are grounded in experiential education.

Specifically, the development of the Lincoln Alternative Program was shaped by

Dewey’s progressive stance toward experiential education (1916, 1938) as manifested by the school’s focus on continuity of experience and interaction as means of learning from experience. At Lincoln, individual and collective reflections are practiced to make sense of individual narratives of experience. This reflective focus is also supported through an experiential and democratic view of students’ academic lives as shaped by particular literacy practices grounded in experience. The primary literacy practice of importance to this dissertation is the culminating experience of the Lincoln education: Walkabout.

Walkabout occurs during the second half of senior year. Over 600 students have done Walkabouts since the program was founded in 1975. The Walkabout currently consists of two eight-week international, national, or local internships. Students are free

to pursue a professional or personal interest in what the school describes it as a “50/50 exchange of service for learning” (school website). Thirty hours are required each week and all of those hours are away from the Lincoln campus. In Walkabout, students are free to pursue nearly any interest, but the primary purpose is for students to have experiences that help them transition into their lives after school. Lincoln hopes students will take what they learn on Walkabout and be able to offer that as a contribution to whatever communities they occupy after graduation. See Chapter 4 for more details on the ideas of

Walkabout helping students learn self-reliance and act as contributors to communities.

A common expression said at Lincoln about Walkabout is “You don’t always get the Walkabout you want, but you do get the Walkabout you need.” This is often said to or by students who do not get their dream-Walkabout placement or whose dream-

Walkabout placement does not go well. The common voicing of this expression is one way that students are encouraged to reflect upon what Walkabout is teaching them about who they are and who they can become, especially when their experiences do not match their ideal. Students and teachers use students’ narrativizations of experience as a heuristic for learning in several forms: near daily journals which receive weekly responses from a faculty journal mentor; a weekly Seminar meeting where student narrativizations are shared, discussed, and analyzed; individual written submissions to the class Walkabout book; public Symposium presentations to describe the Walkabout experience. I will provide a fuller description of each of these literacy practices in

Chapter 4 when I describe how students are apprenticed into learning from their

Walkabout experiences.

Walkabout is unique in that it allows students to explore the meaning and significance of an out of school experience through schooled literacy practices such as journaling, receiving feedback, discussing experiences in the weekly Seminar, and presenting final narratives of Walkabout experiences in both writing and speaking.

Walkabout uses narrativizations of experience to allow adolescents to make sense of and reflect upon their experiences through small and big stories. As I will explain, traditional views of narrative as well as standards such as the Common Core State Standards view narrative as a textual product (primarily a big story) comprised of particular features rather than as a way to make sense of ongoing experiences over time.

Small Stories and Big Stories

Before focusing on the question of how secondary students develop literacy and social practices over time, it is important to consider the role of small and big stories as understood by the research community and as manifested in classrooms. De Fina and

Georgakopoulou (2012) provide a helpful definition to distinguish small stories from big stories:

[small stories are] under-represented narrative activities, such as tellings

of ongoing events, future or hypothetical events, shared (known) events,

but also allusions to (previous) tellings, deferrals of tellings and refusals to

tell. These tellings are typically small . . . The smallness of talk, where

fleeting moments of narrative orientation to the world (Hymes, 1996) can

be easily missed out by an analytical lens which only takes full fledged

(‘big’) stories as the prototype from where the analytic vocabulary is

supposed to emerge. (p. 116)

Thus a key distinction between small stories and big stories is that small stories are narrative bits that have not yet been pieced together into a full story as defined by genre expectations. For example, a student named Cheryl did one of her Walkabouts in New

York City to study opera. Her journals contain many small stories of her ongoing impressions of the city, her teachers, and her fellow students in the opera program. At the end of Walkabout, she presented big story narrativizations to represent the entirety of her experience.

What is the significance of distinguishing small stories and big stories and what are the affordances of analyzing small stories of adolescents constructing them in a secondary school context? A highly influential way for studying narrative was offered by the Labovian model (Labov and Waletzky, 1967; Labov, 1972) that includes an abstract, orientation, complicating action, resolution, coda, and evaluation. In a big story, such as those often used to illustrate the Labovian model, the content as well as the evaluation is settled in the mind of the teller. Big stories, according to Freeman (2006), enable tellers the requisite narrative distance to reflect upon (and thus describe in detail) significant past experiences. They are largely concerned with what a narrative is about, the who and the what but not the how. While big stories have provided a useful frame, if it is the only lens applied, teachers and researchers may miss significant narrativizations from contexts where fully developed stories may not be told—class discussions, journals, free writes, and even interviews—and how those small stories build over time. Assuming that the

study of big stories is sufficient to understanding how individuals use narrative as a way to make sense of the world is faulty because it only positions “persons as texts”

(Bamberg, 2006, p. 142). It also ignores the influence of context over time on narrativizing and the subsequent identity arguments individuals make as a response to the changing dynamics of context.

While small stories have enjoyed significant recognition by sociolinguistics in the past 10 years, we still do not know much about the affordances and constraints of tracking adolescents’ small stories narrativizations over time as a way to understand their view of experience and context through reflection. We do not know much about the relationship between small and big story narrativizations in a schooled context. We do not know the affordances and constraints of favoring small stories over big stories or big stories over small stories or utilizing both. Consequently, we do not know much about how small story engagements may demonstrate differential use of evaluations, identity constructions, and reflective meaning making when compared with the big story engagements typically demanded by ELA assignments.

The question How do adolescents socially construct social and literacy practices over time as they write and perform narratives? suggests a way to study and understand how adolescents engage with narrativizations of experience through writing. In this dissertation I explore how adolescents engage in literacy practices as they produce texts as well as how writing practices become meaningful within complex social and cultural contexts. Typically, the teaching and learning of writing has been studied by examining the finalized texts produced for class assignments or for writing assessments (cf.

Bazerman & Prior, 2004). Although a great deal has been learned from textual analysis in research in written composition as well as in literary criticism, there has been a recent turn to new issues and questions beyond uncovering or criticizing the meaning of texts.

For example, only studying texts does not account for how literacy practices are situated and socially constructed within instructional dialogues, both oral and written. In addition, only studying the text does not account for how adolescents’ out-of-school lives influence their in-school literacy performances. This bias toward high-stakes text production and textual analysis may cause ELA teachers to enter the field with little understanding regarding the social construction of literacy practices. Specifically, the teaching and learning of narrative and argumentation are commonly conceptualized as texts requiring particular features rather than as socially constructed events (Hillocks, 1995). This dissertation will contribute to the field of ELA by examining not only the what (the textual features) of narrative, but also the how (the social practices) of narrative as developed over time by Lincoln students and their teachers.1

Georgakopoulou (2006b) calls for “a much needed synergy” (p. 125) between small and big stories. One way to synergize the benefits of both approaches is by incorporating them with ethnographic methods in the study of “narrative environments”

(Chase, 2011, p. 430). Recent work has advocated for such a method because the ethnographic understanding of a site will facilitate looking across both big and small stories while also examining contextual influences (Riessman, 2008; Gubrium and

Holstein, 2008, 2009). Such an approach will also permit ELA teachers and researchers

1 All references to places and people are pseudonyms.

to study not only what is told but also what is concealed. The who, the what, and the how of narrative can be studied together. Understanding how narratives and their mutual presentations of self are constructed contextually requires that we ask “who produces particular kinds of stories, where are they likely to be encountered, what are their purposes and consequences, who are the listeners, under what circumstances are particular narratives more or less accountable, how do they gain acceptance and how are they challenged?” (Gubrium and Holstein, 2009, p. 23). For this dissertation, I used ethnographic methods to understand how experience is conceptualized over time through narrativizations of experience. Such a focus has allowed me to explore the potential synergy between small and big stories by studying how small stories are used by adolescents over time and how they are refracted through the composition of adolescents’ big stories.

From Structure to Practice in the Teaching and Learning of Narrative in

High School ELA Classrooms

Teachers and textbooks have, for years, assumed “that once students learn the various forms, they are then prepared to write real prose” (Hillocks, 2005, p. 238). This attitude has often translated into little writing instruction beyond teaching forms. In fact, studies show that there is little to no writing happening in most classrooms (Applebee &

Langer, 2013). Writing is something students are often expected to do on their own in some kind of black box. Applebee, Auten, & Lehr’s (1981) national study on how writing is taught in secondary schools revealed “that students were spending only about 3% of their school time in class or for homework—on writing of paragraph length or longer”

(Hillocks, 2005, p. 240). Thirty years later, Applebee engaged in another national study of writing and found the lack of writing to be nearly the same. In a 50-minute period, students averaged “just over 3 minutes of instruction related to explicit writing strategies

(the most frequent observed), or a total of 2 hours and 22 minutes in a 9-week period”

(Applebee & Langer, 2013, p. 22). When adolescents are given writing instruction, it is predominately focused on forms over content (Applebee & Langer, 2011; Hillocks,

2002).

For example, Nystrand & Graff (2001) describe the argumentative writing done during a nine-week observation of a middle-school language-arts-social-studies class.

Nystrand and Graff found that the teacher “instructed [his students] to write the papers in stages, following a detailed set of instructions, completing checklists, and meeting deadlines” while creating “text features” (p. 484) representative of the traditional five paragraph essay: introduction, conclusion, and three body paragraphs making three separate points with claim, data, and warrants in that order. Students were not encouraged to find more than three reasons, nor were they encouraged to discuss and interrogate the validity of their reasons prior to committing them to writing. “Such a plan works against writing as a process by fore-grounding the importance of satisfying prescripted formats and criteria” (p. 485). In fact, such a focus on forms carries the underlying message that adolescents’ ideas are only important if structured correctly.

Such prescriptive formats characterize the type of writing often favored by high- stakes tests. Over half of the teachers surveyed in a recent study reported “frequent practice in timed, on-demand writing” (Applebee & Langer, 2011, p. 19). Teachers often

use rubrics slightly adjusted from the rubrics used to assess the essays written on high stakes exams and thus we can conclude that secondary writing curriculums are largely defined by testing demands (Hillocks, 2002; Madaus, 1988). Hillocks (2002) studied the student writing produced for state exams in five different states and found that poor writing is often elevated as the standard of excellence. In fact, poor writing is often published in test preparation materials for teachers to use. Hillocks points out how in

Texas, students were not necessarily assessed on their use of compelling evidence but actually on what was called “elaborated reason” (p. 72). An abundance of claims without accurate support scored just fine. In most cases, the longer the essay, the higher it scored.

As the mandates of testing and the adoption of forms take even greater hold on our writing curriculums, teachers and their students may only see writing as a measuring- stick rather than as a tool for making meaning, individually and collectively. Adolescents are being taught, overtly and covertly, that learning to reproduce forms means learning to write and are given little insight into the social processes behind the how of writing.

Recent studies of the teaching and learning of argument in English Language Arts classes can be applied to the teaching and learning of narrative. These studies have suggested the importance of a social practice framework for the ethnographic study of how argument is being done in a particular context (Andrews, 1995; Newell, Bloome, and Hirvela, 2015; Prior, 2005). The importance of understanding context can also be applied to how adolescents learn to do narrative. Just as the teaching and learning of argumentative writing is “pluralistic” (Newell, Bloome, and Hirvela, 2015, p. 16) and “a matter of socializing students to act, think, feel, use language, and value in particular

ways related to the use of written language in particular social settings, and expecting others to do and be the same” (p. 19), so is narrative.

As Bloome, Katz, and Champion (2003) argue, “Narrative style and structure become a decontextualized standard for the evaluation of narratives rather than dynamic aspects of language/narrative-in-use defined by in situ social and cultural dynamics” (p.

208). Such a binary understanding of localized language-use is significant if we view a classroom as a situated context with its own constructed culture. A decontextualized view on learning defines all learners as the same. It subtracts the importance of what each member of the class may contribute and thereby gain by participating in ongoing narrative interactions. Thus an over-emphasis on a finalized text may actually inhibit the social processes of dialogue dedicated to the negotiation of ideas and meaning making. I argue that learning is manifested through both text and performance, or what I will call narrativizations. The way one narrativizes may depend on a number of contextual factors such as time, place, audience, and purpose. For example, De Fina and Georgakopoulou

(2012) speak of how narrators situate their narratives both globally and locally. In short, the fluidity of narrative’s use demonstrates that there is no universal way to teach and/ or learn through narrative. If we are to understand a narrative text, we must also understand the context from which narratives arise, meaning how narratives are incited, told, and/or co-constructed.

A greater understanding of how social and literacy practices specific to narrative develop over time is needed, especially in light of their absence in the language regarding writing instruction in the Common Core State Standards (CCSS). The CCSS identifies

narrative as one-third of the kinds of writing adolescents are to be doing in school, but they do not comment on the value of narrative in granting adolescents with membership in social groups. I fear that its absence may cause ELA practitioners to not place ample importance upon it. I will rely upon the grades 9-10 (CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.W.9-10.3) narrative standards as a representative sample. See Figure 1.1.

Figure 1.1: CCSS Narrative Writing Standards, Grades 9-10

Although it does not forbid the consideration of context or the use of social processes, the narrative standards focus solely on features of the final text. Frederickson, Wilhelm, &

Smith (2012) warn that if we only focus on the CCSS guidelines for narrative as outlined above, we run the risk of having adolescents only focus on “the crafting of individual stories, rather than on how those stories might operate in communities” (p. 21). By focusing on “the schoolishness” of writing narratives (focusing exclusively on the teaching of narrative techniques, say, adolescents may not recognize “the wider purposes, principles, and contexts of narratives” (p. 21). Writing development, including the writing of narratives, can help adolescents and teachers recognize that which is possible not only among individuals but also communities. Writing development can be understood “not merely by looking at individuals and texts, but by looking at individuals

–including their social identities, histories, interests, purposes, and goals—in relation to their peers, teachers, and audiences” (Schultz and Fecho, 2000, p. 54). What students learn is not simply a function of what teachers teach. In the teaching of writing, in this case narrative writing, what is learned is never only about the text produced but about the processes that lead to that text production. Within specific contexts, final texts are produced but only after a journey of meaning making. We must question whether so much emphasis on the final text is the best way to maximize that journey.

Tellability and Context

Erickson and Schultz’s define context this way: “contexts are constituted by what people are doing and where and when they are doing it . . . people in interaction become environments for each other. Ultimately, social contexts consist of mutually shared and ratified definitions of situation and in the social actions persons take on the basis of those definitions” (1977, p. 6). Thus contexts maintain a certain way of doing things, including

when and how one tells narrativizations of experience. Shuman (1986) defines tellability in multiple but related ways: “shared understandings, in terms of what bears telling” (p.

2); “who has the right to tell a story,” especially in regards to “limitations or prohibitions on telling” (p. 54); a notion that “takes into account the listener’s prior knowledge and also considers how the listeners might use their knowledge in the future” (p. 74). For example, a job applicant is expected to tell certain things in certain ways in a job interview. What is considered an appropriate story in this context would almost certainly differ than what would be considered an appropriate story in a different context, say going out to dinner with friends. Conscious awareness of these different contexts is made visible when someone violates the rules of tellability, because “participants themselves orient to what locally constitutes a tellable story” (Georgakopoulou, 2006a, p. 251). This orientation is not governed by the aesthetics of narrative (e.g. plot, character development, setting, etc.) but is instead grounded in “notions of effectiveness, appropriacy, and consequentiality for the local business at hand” (p. 251). What counts as tellable can change quickly.

Immediacy and Context

Shuman (1986) introduces the concepts of mediate and immediate stories. She identifies stories that are already resolved (not up for negotiation) as mediate stories while those that are unresolved (up for negotiation) as immediate stories. Mediate stories may be things like accounts that appear in newspapers or textbooks. They are rarely challenged (and thus rarely narrativized). Mediate stories are from another space and time. They are “characterized by the willingness of the participants to accept a story as

presenting a reality other than that of the everyday reality of the listeners” (p. 59).

Immediate stories, however, are “about the current occasion” (p. 55). Their shape is subject to contextual factors such as the responses of a particular audience at a particular time.

The immediacy of small stories contrasts with the lack of immediacy in big stories. Oftentimes, ELA contexts require students to produce big story types of texts as manifested in summatively assessed essays and presentations and as Applebee and

Langer (2013) found, these texts are typically expected to be produced independently and outside of class. Students producing these texts independently mean the opportunity for immediacy is missed. In an educational setting, individuals’ narratives have a lot to offer if they can be shifted from the mediate to the immediate. This shift is dependent upon establishing the narrative’s relevancy in the current space and time. “The transition is accomplished by the shift in focus from a story that presents another reality to a story that somehow happens to the listeners” (Shuman, 1986, p. 59). This can happen by putting the established meaning of the mediate story up for negotiation, often through by telling related small stories. See Figure 1.1 for how small and big stories are related.

Table 1.1: Immediate to Mediate Stories Continuum

Immediate Mediate Small Stories Big Stories Evaluation by listener Lacking evaluation from listener Negotiation of Lack of negotiation meaning/relevance CONTEXTUALIZED DECONTEXTUALIZED

Student narratives—including their prejudices, assumptions, and miscalculations—can be shifted from the mediate into the negotiable immediate. Classroom space and time as well as interactions regarding written work can be seen as a place where meaning is made, where the mediate stories of individuals are put up for negotiation. The ultimate veracity of one’s narrative “may be subordinated to the struggle between participants—to the situation in which the story is told” (p. 63). By shifting to the immediate, one’s narrative can be evaluated by not only its text, but also by its context.

Schultz’s (2002) study of three adolescents’ writing lives suggests the importance of understanding adolescents’ out-of-school writing practices and their connections to in- school writing as a means for envisioning the possibilities of writing in the lives of adolescents. Another implication of her study for my study is that the school’s focus on textual features in writing denied legitimacy to the writing processes adolescents engaged to produce their writing. One of Schultz’s case study students was a boy “essentially born into a Mexican gang” (p. 374) named Luis. Luis used the “critical stance” he learned in class to make “passionate critiques of society” but he did it in poetry and he did it outside of class. The depth of Luis’s artistry and reflection, while tellable to Schultz was not even made visible to his teachers. This was true even as Luis and his teacher appeared to have parallel objectives for writing. For example, Luis wrote a poem about his imprisoned brother: it takes “a critical stance toward his position in society” (p. 377). Luis, who quit his gang shortly after writing this poem, regretted that his brother never read it, because shortly after he finished the poem, his brother started an eleven-year prison sentence. The

writing of the poem at this time suggests that Luis was using the poem to negotiate his evolving “critical stance” toward quitting the gang and his brother’s imprisonment.

Luis’ thinking process was likely full of immediate small story moments as he tried to determine his ultimate stance. His “critical stance” as manifested through his poetry sounds like it could have been integrated with CCSS 1 regarding argumentative writing: “Write arguments to support claims in an analysis of substantive topics or texts, using valid reasoning and relevant and sufficient evidence.” In Luis’s case, however, both his poetry and his thinking process remained hidden from his teachers and classmates, perhaps because it was not tellable in this context. As Schultz (2002) says of Luis, “He did not seem to translate his ability to use language to craft critical arguments that is apparent in his poetry to his expository writing in school” (p. 378). The case of Luis demonstrates how schools often struggle to make the immediacy of small stories tellable when only focusing on the features of big stories. When small stories are not tellable, neither are evolving thinking processes.

In order to obtain student motivation and engagement, Newell (2006) says we

“need to construct new notions of human agency within curricular domains if we want all students to participate” (p. 245). In other words, motivating students to mechanically reproduce particular forms may not be sufficient to help students identify themselves as writers. Adolescents need opportunities to try on the ways they can position themselves in their final writing, because the response they receive on their emerging work reveals

“particular subjectivities” (Skilton-Sylvester, 2002, p. 63) in how they will engage in the future writing. Using ethnographic methods to study contexts of which adolescents have

membership prior to producing a big story can shed light on how the immediacy of small story engagements influences big story decisions.

Studying How Literacy and Social Practices Develop Over Time:

Narrative Telling at Lincoln High School

This study aims to address three problems: First, the field of writing instruction has a weak conceptualization of writing as a social practice. This weakness is manifested by the CCSS’s (2010) exclusive focus on the textual rather than the social. Standards such as CCSS assume that all students should learn the same forms but do not account for the contextual factors such as tellability and immediacy which shape how writing is taught and learned. Second, given the way that tests, and thus an emphasis on structures, have a heavy influence on writing instruction, ELA teachers often struggle to make adolescents’ out-of-school lives (meaning their knowledge, opinions, and past experiences) relevant to learning to write. Third, very little scholarship (particularly in

ELA contexts) has been done to examine how narrative functions as an immediate social practice for the purposes of exploration of meaning making situated by context.

This dissertation aims to address these three problems by analyzing data collected through ethnographic methods during a two-year study of the literacy and social practices surrounding the use of oral and written narrativizations of experience among senior students at a small alternative high school called “Lincoln.” I am particularly interested in addressing the above problems by exploring the narratives I’ve collected from two senior classes (2013-2014 and 2014-2015) as they participated in two nine-week internships called Walkabout.

I have searched my data to identify telling cases (Mitchell, 1984) of what I am calling “immediacy events” that draws upon Shuman’s (1986) “immediate stories.” I am interested in small stories where tellability, evaluations, positioning of characters, and reflective meaning making are put up for negotiation. My corpus consists of narratives collected in three narrative environments: a weekly Seminar, journal dialogues between students and teachers, and research interviews with case study students. Using immediacy events from these different contexts, I focus on the language of those events by using the methods of microethnographic discourse analysis (Bloome et al., 2005)—indexing, transcribing, coding, and mapping—to analyze how the literacy and social practices of narrative develop over time.

I have analyzed the social and literacy practices of multiple literacy events

(Seminar, journals, interviews, Symposium, submission of the Walkabout book) over time. I hope to show the differential social and literacy practices associated with how narrative develops over time in differing contexts, thus demonstrating the limitations of only focusing on the use of final textual structures when engaging in literacy practices, namely narrative. I am categorizing the narrative contexts of Seminar, the journaling interaction between students and mentors, as primarily small story environments and the

Walkabout book submission and Symposium presentation as primarily big story environments. I believe my research interviews with case study students possess qualities of both small and big story narrativizations and thus fall somewhere in between. I have examined the small story environments for instances of immediacy, or in other words, moments of negotiation regarding how to do narrative. The substance of these immediate

negotiations will later be reified, or made mediate, by the big story environments. I will show how the 20 weeks of small story engagements are refracted but not comprehensively represented in final big story decisions as manifested in the final big stories of Walkabout book submissions and Symposium presentations.

Research Questions:

1. How are narrative performances mediated both institutionally and interactionally

during narrativizations of experience based on the Lincoln Walkabout?

2. How do teachers and students, through interactions with each other over time,

guide the practices of constructing identities and warranting reflections in

particular ways during both the Walkabout Seminar and the Walkabout journal

exchanges?

3. How do case study students story their identities and experiences in small story

and big story settings? What connections exist between identities and experience

constructed in small stories and those constructed in big stories?

In order to answer these questions, I have utilized the methods of ethnography of communication (Heath and Street, 2008; Szwed, 1981; Green and Bloome, 1983;

Zaharlick and Green, 1991; Hymes, 1982; Heath, 1983) to gather data across

Walkabout’s different narrative contexts. In so doing, I have focused “on the actions and interactions of members of the social group both within group and in cross-cultural situations to determine how literacy functions for members” (Zaharlick and Green, 1991, pp. 206-207) of Lincoln’s senior class. I conducted extended case studies of two students as they participated in Walkabout. I attended nearly every Seminar session from January-

May (2015), using the observational methods of recording with audio and video, writing field notes, conducting interviews with teachers and students, and collecting classroom artifacts such as handouts and writings. I used discourse analysis to analyze instructional conversations and contextualized samples of writing.

In Chapter Two, I will lay out the theoretical framework with two major objectives. First, I will build a case for learning to write as a situated social practice.

Second, I will build a case for narrative as a way of knowing and as a way of co- constructing meaning through social interactions and as a way to position one’s self in both the local and larger worlds.

In Chapter Three, I will discuss my research site, including the research methods I used to collect my data. I will then detail the research methods I used to analyze my data.

In Chapters Four, Five, and Six, I will present the findings of my study. As a heuristic to present my findings, I rely on Rogoff’s (1995) three planes of activity— apprenticeship, guided practice, participatory appropriation—to structure my discussion of students’ sociocultural participation with narrativizations of experience over time on institutional, interactional, and individual levels. In Chapter Four, I analyze how students are apprenticed into the historical, institutional, and cultural practices of Lincoln High

School. I analyze how historical, institutional, and cultural factors are made material by language-in-use during narrativizations of experience, whether spoken or written.

In Chapter Five, I use Rogoff’s (1995) plane of guided participation to show how teachers and students, through narrativizations shared over time, guide the narrative practices of offering immediate evaluations, constructing identities, and making meaning

through reflection during both the Walkabout Seminar and the Walkabout journal exchanges.

In Chapter Six, I will focus on one case study student’s “participatory appropriation” (Rogoff, 1995) of three of Lincoln’s favored narrative moves: offering immediate evaluations, constructing identities, and making meaning through reflection. I will look at how these moves are manifest in both her small and big story written narrativizations.

In Chapter Seven, I will present a synthesis of my findings from Chapters Four,

Five, and Six. I will identify the theoretical, pedagogical, and methodological implications of my study.

Chapter 2: Theoretical Frame

The research reported here intends to contribute to an understanding of how narrative as a way of knowing and writing as a social practice develops over time within a particular context in the academic and personal lives of adolescents. I will analyze data gathered through ethnographic methods during a two-year study of the social and literacy practices of senior high school students at “Lincoln” High School. I situate myself as a researcher within sociocultural theory, a framework that explains learning as the result of social processes as they emerge interactionally in a specific context. I orient my study toward the following topics: the situated nature of how social and literacy practices develop over time; the roles of offering immediate evaluations, constructing identities, and making meaning through reflection within narrativizations of experience; how small and big stories are implicated through the discourse and writing practices of Lincoln’s

Walkabout. Specifically, within sociocultural theory, I will draw upon scholarship done in ethnography of communication, narrative structure and discourse analysis, and New

Literacy Studies.

Applying Rosenblatt’s Transactional Theory to Narrativizations of Experience

In this section I draw upon Rosenblatt’s (1938/1995) transactional theory for reading literature as means for understanding the significance of understanding experience with and through narrative. Of course, Rosenblatt’s project was a

consideration of “literary experience” rather than every day personal experiences of the students’ whose Walkabout I studied.

Rosenblatt argues for a type of middle ground between New Critical and Reader

Response theories of reading. She did not favor the New Critic’s obsession with a right reading based solely on the text and neither did she favor the indulgence of all and any reading as valid. Rather she argued for what she called the transaction between reader and text: “the to-and-fro, spiraling, nonlinear, continuously reciprocal influence of reader and text in the making of meaning” (p. xvi). In short, her argument is that the “meaning is not ‘in’ the text or ‘in’ the reader. Both reader and text are essential to the transactional process of making meaning” (Rosenblatt, 1938/1995, p. 27). Thus any text can offer multiple meanings, depending on where the reader is (emotionally, culturally, mentally, physically, etc.) when transacting with a text. A text can mean different things to a reader at different points in his/her life and it can mean different things to readers of different generations since we are all cultural products of particular times and places. There is no fixed meaning because each experience with the text is colored by the current conditions of one’s transaction. How does the text transact with the reader’s response and vice versa? Meaning cannot be made without the text, but it also cannot be made without a response to the text, but as Rosenblatt argues, those responses must be informed by an ever-increasing knowledge of both the aesthetic or literary and the social. What the experience of reading literature offers is “some approach to life, some image of people working out a common fate or some assertion that certain kinds of experiences, certain modes of feeling, are valuable” (p. 19).

Likewise at Lincoln in the Walkabout seminar, the experience of reflecting on narrativizations of experience over time offered students a chance to see how they have experienced their experiences and why they made particular choices at particular times, including choices regarding the ongoing representations of their narratives’ meanings.

Such practices legitimize the emotional engagement of adolescents. Booth, referencing

Rosenblatt’s transactional theory for reading literature argues that students’ “emotional engagement should be ‘read’ as closely as the text itself” (1995, p. viii). I refer to the practice of reflecting on the narrativizations of experience as reflective meaning making. I believe it mirrors Rosenblatt’s belief that the recognition of “the many complex elements” involved with reading literature lead to a more “fruitful understanding” (p. 23).

That understanding can change as reflections on experiences change.

The ways that students interpret their experiences are often put up for negotiation through the practice of constructing narrativizations. These negotiations center on the meaning made through the immediate use of evaluations, constructions of identity, and reflections on experience. The use of narratives-in-interaction allows meanings to be ongoing and to be directed at students’ immediate state of mind and thus help shape how students may think or act in the near future. Such small “stories become rehearsals for later action more than reconstructions of the past; they are more about imagining the future than about remembering the past” (Georgakopoulou, 2006c, p. 127).

Approaching narrativizations of experience in this way is grounded in Dewey’s

(1934) notions of experience from which Rosenblatt borrowed in her consideration of the literary. He argues that an experience and the composition of an experience—what I call

narrativizations—are not identical. He writes, “things are experienced but not in such a way that they are composed into an experience. There is distraction and dispersion; what we observe and what we think, what we desire and what we get, are at odds with each other” (p. 35, emphasis in original). This suggests that an experience can be composed in multiple ways and thus can be used at multiple times to construct multiple meanings.

These constructions of meaning are particular to time and place.

Dewey’s ideas helped Rosenblatt (1938) develop her transactional theory of literature. She argued, “a spontaneous, emotional reaction to literature was an absolutely necessary condition of sound literary judgment” (cited in Faust, 2000, p. 10). In my study, I wish to apply Rosenblatt’s transactional theory to narrativizations of experience.

Therefore, in the above quotation, the word “literature” might be replaced with the word

“experience.” Rosenblatt believed students should be encouraged to experience texts rather than just analyze them. Similarly, I believe students’ narrativizations of experience over time can be used as a tool for reflective meaning making. Narrativizations can enable analytic reflection. Students’ narrativizations reveal their “present concerns and needs” (Rosenblatt 1938/1995, p. 59). They learn to “turn spontaneously” (59) to the texts of their experience as a way to construct meaning. Likewise, their teachers’ and peers’ responses are spontaneous constructions of meaning. As narrativizations of experience are constructed over time, those spontaneous constructions stand as testaments to the students’ evolving view of self and the world. Rosenblatt speaks of the

“personal nourishment that literature can give” (p. 60). I believe that personal nourishment is evident in students’ narrativizations of experience over time. They are

able to “base their comments on their own intimate reactions” (p. 61) to their experiences over time. They are able to draw upon their own history, perceptions, and emotions. As shown in Figure 1.2, the practice of engaging in narrativizations triangulates experience, socially constructed narrativizations, and reflection.

Figure 1.2: Experience, socially constructed narrativizations, reflection triangle

As suggested by Figure 1.2, socially constructed narrativizations produce the experience, not the other way around. The performance of narrativizations allows for individual and group reflection upon the meaning of the experience as narrativized.

An Ethnographic Perspective to Study Narrative as a Literacy Practice

Text and Context

There is a definitive relationship between text and context. I am using

Rosenblatt’s definition of text as “a dynamic, evolving construction, not a static entity that can be objectively described” (Faust, 2000, p. 15). This calls to mind Bloome and

Egan-Robertson’s (1993) claim that texts implicate social interactions. They write, “A

text is the product of textualizing. People textualize experience and the world in which they live, making those phenomena part of a language system (broadly speaking) . . .

What counts as a text cannot be determined outside of the situation itself” (p. 311, emphasis in original). This brings us to context.

I borrow from Erickson and Schultz’s definition of context: “contexts are constituted by what people are doing and where and when they are doing it . . . people in interaction become environments for each other. Ultimately, social contexts consist of mutually shared and ratified definitions of situation and in the social actions persons take on the basis of those definitions” (1977, p. 6). Thus contexts can be identified by people’s

“mutually shared and ratified” social processes occurring in particular times and spaces.

For example “differing participation structures” (p. 6) such as contextualization cues:

“changes in voice, tone, pitch, and other features of speech prosody; changes in linguistic code, style and topic; changes in the tempo and rhythmic organization of speech and body motion; changes in gaze direction and facial expression; changes in the numbers of speakers and listeners” (p. 6). Changes in contextualization cues suggest differences in the situation. It is likely that students are not even consciously aware of the environments they share and ratify together, at least until someone violates the agreed upon definitions of the situation.

I join other scholars who have argued that the best way to study narrative (Chase,

2011; Riessman, 2008) for the purpose of teaching and learning is by combining ethnographic methods with an analysis of the texts (oral and written) produced in that context. This means looking at both the narrative text as well as the narrative

environment that helped produce it. Such a use of multiple data sources gives us a full sense of what meanings are attached to narrative by participants in a particular context.

Scholars of argumentation also provide a useful way to think about participation.

Prior (2005) relies upon Andrews’ (1995) metaphor for argumentation as choreography as a means of trying to capture how argumentation practices are not universal but are situated. Prior writes:

Choreography suggests action (argumentation), not only text or genre

(argument). It suggests a performance-oriented model, perhaps with

multiple participants playing varied roles on stage and behind it. It

suggests an audience, some of whom may leave the performance and

respond with reviews or even with creative work that in some sense

answers the performance. Choreography also implies study and rehearsal.

(p. 130).

Such a metaphor demonstrates that argumentation is a response to what came before it. It is useful one given that the field relies so heavily on Toulmin’s (1958) model of argument to foreground the textual notion, and subsequent teaching, of argument. Prior builds on Lunsford’s (2002) assertion that the Toulmin Model lays out two major elements: 1) the generic and now ubiquitous textual elements of argument: claim, data, warrant, qualification, backing, and rebuttal and 2) the social/cultural constructions of arguments within disciplines of thinking, what Prior calls “the locally situated emergence of a specific argument” (p. 131). The first element dominates the teaching and learning of argumentative writing in our schools while the second one has been largely overlooked.

The sad irony of this fact is that Toulmin believed that the “field-dependent histories of thought and reasoning animate all of the generic terms” (p. 132). In fact, without an understanding of the shared knowledge/history of a particular field, one cannot construct claims, data, warrants, etc. relevant to making an argument in that field. “Toulmin argued that the decontextualization of logic was a mark of its sheer irrelevance” (p. 132).

Bauman (1986) offers a similar perspective on understanding the how of narrative. While he does not apply a choreography metaphor, he does describe narrative as a performance rather than just a text. Narrative is a social act we do together in particular ways dependent on context. He defines performance “as a mode of communication, a way of speaking, the essence of which resides in the assumption of responsibility to an audience for a display of communicative skill” (p. 3). Thus parameters on what counts as acceptable performance will constrain the performance.

This isn’t only true of written narratives but of oral narratives also.

Bauman (1986) views “oral narrative performance as the indissoluble unity of text, narrated events, and narrative event” (p. 7). This frames the performance of oral narrative as being “not frozen” (p. 4), but are “situated social accomplishments” (p. 4).

They are accomplished in situations that are amenable to them. How are students being positioned by the teacher? By each other? How are they being invited to participate? Do their narratives count as a way of knowing and as a way to project a future? According to

Bauman, narratives are the raw material through which events are constructed, rather than the perhaps more common assumption that events are the material from which narratives are constructed. Such a framing of narrative demonstrates that a narrative’s tone,

positioning, and even its “facts” are up for debate. It is the telling of the narrative that defines the lived experience and not the other way around.

“The structure of social roles, relations, and interactions; the oral literary text and its meaning; and the structure of the event itself are all emergent in performance” (p. 4).

Thus the telling of narratives reveal “a dialectic played out within the context of situated action, a kind of praxis” (p. 4). This suggests that if the context of the situated action is not amenable to certain individuals sharing narratives, then on the odd chance narratives are shared, they will be constrained by contextual restraints. In other words, if a teacher does not provide room for students to draw upon their personal experience through the telling of narratives, then the praxis of learning in this context is reliant on teaching and learning separated from what students bring with them. In such a context, learning is not shaped by the collective contributions of individual members, but it is shaped by the mandates/ directives/narratives of the teacher and by the resulting feelings from students whose voices have been silenced as not being a legitimate way of knowing. One way to overcome such a silencing of students is to use narratives as a tool for the negotiation of meaning and understanding. As Gubrium and Holstein (2008) say, “[n]arratives comprise the interplay between experience, storying practices, descriptive resources, purposes at hand, audiences, and the environments that condition storytelling” (p. 250).

Analysis of interviews and autobiographical writings can be paired with analysis of small stories (both oral and written) to capture the ways narratives are being told and received in the narrative environment. An analysis can be further enriched by doing what

Chase (2011) calls “content analyses of key documents” (p. 425). In her study of how

college students engage with issues of race, class, gender, ability, and sexual orientation, key documents included the student newspaper, the university’s curriculum, and the university’s website. In a different study, key documents might include assignment guidelines, assigned readings, or items recorded on a white board. Such content analyses can be compared with the content of small stories told in interviews as well as the content of small stories told in interactional settings to give a fuller, and more accurate, view of what Gubrium and Holstein (2008, 2009) label interactional control, institutional control, and the interplay of interactional and institutional control.

Interactional Control. People rarely tell narratives unless they are “invited, incited, or initiated” (Gubrium and Holstein, 2008, p. 256). Common ways of inciting narratives are through direct invitations, questions, and interviews. The dialogic interaction is what keeps the narrative going. “Control, then, is not a property of one party to the conversation or the other but resides in the way that conversational partners cooperate in the emergence and development of a narrative” (p. 257). As Bakhtin (1986) has pointed out, “Any understanding is imbued with response and necessarily elicits it in one form or another: the listener becomes the speaker” (p. 68). Such interactions require cooperation by the narrator and listener, and it often requires a negotiation of what

Gergen and Gergen (1983) calls reciprocity. Reciprocity is the willingness of listeners to accept the roles given to them in a narrator’s narrative. If they do not accept those roles, the proposed meaning of the narrative collapses. Whether accepted or contested, such giving of narrative roles incites dialogue regarding meanings and understandings.

Institutional Control. Institutional control is often taken-for-granted and is thus often invisible at first glance. An institution may provide “an institutionally sanctioned way of understanding” and “a distinctive interpretive vocabulary for narrating” (Gubrium and Holstein, 2008, p. 258). Experiences are talked about in particular ways. Certain words are endowed with a particular meaning by the institution and thus function as narrative resources. What is often stressed in Walkabout narratives are the attitude one takes toward working hard, reflecting, willingly changing flawed/incomplete understandings of the world, and embracing an emerging sense of self. This is often the starting point for how Walkabout narratives are told.

Interplay between interactional and institutional control. Neither interactional nor institutional control possesses complete control on how narratives and their subsequent arguments are constructed, delivered, and received. “Narrative environments provide narrative resources and parameters, but they do not dictate application” (Gubrium and Holstein, 2008, p. 260). Some quiet students rarely participated in Seminar discussions. Other did not write many journals. Nevertheless, the locally preferred

Walkabout narrative as a model for interaction remained present. Even resistance to interactional or institutional control was a response to the preferred narrative and thus suggested meanings being made. We cannot only rely on the internal organization of a narrative to understand its meaning. We must understand how that narrative is situated in a local environment to understand how participants are attempting to use the narrative as a meaning-making device. Through narrative ethnography, we can “shed light on the narrative process as much as the narrative products” (p. 262).

Narrative Structure, Discourse Analysis, and Identity Construction

Within the framing of Rosenblatt’s Transactional Theory and an ethnographic perspective, I borrow from scholars of narrative structure and discourse analysis

(Georgakopoulou, 2006a, 2006b, 2006c; Bamberg, 2006; De Fina, 2006;

Georgakopoulou and Goutsos; 1997, De Fina and Georgakopoulou, 2012) to study how

Lincoln senior students and their teachers draw upon narrative to make meaning. Of particular interest is the situated nature of how people use language to interpret and transform their narrativized experiences to make meaning visible to others (Shuman,

1986; Gubrium and Holstein 2008, 2009; Chase, 2011). Important predecessors in this study of how language is used to make meaning are Volosinov (1986) and Bakhtin (1981,

1986). One primary meaning-making tool of language use is the positioning of identity and its relationship to literacy (Bloome et al., 2005; Georgakopoulou, 2010; Bamberg,

2010, 1997; De Fina, 2006; Sfard and Prusak, 2005; Moje, Luke, Davies, & Street, 2009;

Zimmerman, 1998; Gee, 1996).

Small Stories

My work in this study primarily builds on the “small stories” work of

Georgakopoulou (2006a, 2006b, 2006c) and Bamberg (2006, 2010). Recall from chapter

1 that small stories are narrative bits that have not yet been pieced together into a full story as defined by genre expectations. I also build on the “narrative ethnography” work of Gubrium and Holstein (2008, 2009). The work of Blommaert, Freeman, Riessman,

Schifrrin, Tannen, Goffman, Hymes, Bauman, Briggs, Shuman, and others, in turn, has heavily influenced their work. Applying the work of these scholars to the data I have

collected has allowed me to apply “small stories” analysis to the “narrative environment” of Walkabout and its accompanying “preferred stories” (Gubrium and Holstein, 2009). In so doing, I hope to show that the telling of narratives and their related arguments is a situated social practice that influences and is influenced by both micro and macro worlds and the individuals who inhabit those worlds. Using microethnographic discourse analysis methods (Bloome et al., 2005) such as indexing, transcribing, coding, and mapping allowed me to draw conclusions about the patterns of situated social and literacy practices.

Constructing Identity Through Language

Social identities are constructed through language. The meaning of a word is not semantic but situated. Thus language used to identify one’s identity is also not semantic but is situated. “Meaning is inseparable from the concrete situation of its implementation.

This meaning is different each time, just as the situation is different each time”

(Volosinov, 1986, p. 101). Bakhtin (1986) argues “language is realized in the form of individual concrete utterances (oral and written) by participants in various areas of human activity” (p. 60). He identified utterances as units of analysis for the understanding of language. An utterance may be short or long, but its content, its paralinguistic cues, and the context of its use signal particular meanings. Thus identity claims (utterances) also have particular meanings at particular times.

Bloome et al. (2005) argue that notions of identity are not as simple as assigning appellations such as female, child, and student to oneself or to others. The meaning of an appellation “changes and is negotiated.” In fact, the actual “social identity appellations

and their meanings are often contested” (p. 103). Thus one’s identity during history class on Tuesday likely isn’t the same as one’s identity at church on Sunday. Gee (1996) calls this changing nature of one’s identity, as captured by language, a discourse identity: “The

‘kind of person’ one is recognized as ‘being,’ at a given time and place, can change from moment to moment in the interaction, can change from context to context, and, of course, can be ambiguous or unstable” (p. 99). Meanings of appellations are specific to social contexts and thus an appellation such as writer may have a certain meaning in a particular classroom and a very different meaning at an individual’s home. The arguments behind the negotiation and maintenance of social identities is done through language, or as

Georgakopoulou (2003) says, social identities are “constructed, made relevant or, equally, negotiated and refashioned in the sequentiality of discourse” (p. 75).

Social identities involve an implied narrative. Sfard and Prusak (2005) argue that identities are stories. In other words, we are the stories and narratives we tell others and ourselves. Sfard and Prusak reason that because the telling of stories is ubiquitous, we are constantly influencing and being influenced by the identity claims of others’ stories. They define two terms: actual identity and designated identity. “Actual identities usually are told in present tense and formulated as factual assertions” (p. 18). For example, I am a good writer. “Designated identities are stories believed to have the potential to become part of one’s actual identity” (p. 18). They are typically told in the future tense. For example, I will be a published writer. Sfard and Prusak argue that designated identities become actual identities. People become the stories they tell of themselves.

Social identities exist in reciprocal relationships. Reciprocity, according to

Gergen and Gergen (1983) is the willingness of people to accept the roles attributed to them in the narratives of others. Reciprocity is key to the sustaining of social identities as constructed through the telling of narratives. For example, a student may angrily tell his teachers that he learned nothing from them and that having to go to their classes was a major waste of time and that the F grades the teachers “gave” him have ruined his life, but the teachers may “pull out their supporting roles” (p. 270) in the student’s narrative by pointing out that he rarely came to class, he never did his homework, and he ultimately “chose” his F grades through a destructive sequence of poor choices that had nothing to do with the teachers’ failings. As this example shows, if those listening to a narrative are unwilling to accept those identity roles ascribed to them, the proposed meaning of the narrative collapses.

De Fina and Georgakopoulou (2012) describe two types of identity claims that emerge as a narrative is told. Taleworld identity claims relate to the teller’s character in the narrative. Telling identity claims relate to the teller’s identity during the storytelling event. Taleworld identity claims support the teller’s right to tell the narrative as well as the narrative’s tellability. Telling identity claims relate “to a story’s evaluation and the overall assessment of the characters talked about . . . . they set up spaces for co- construction between teller and interlocutors and a joint exploration of moral frames” (p.

175). Telling identity claims are what makes a story immediate. Consequently, telling identity claims, whether reciprocated or not, produce a dialogue where meanings are co- constructed.

Across “narrative environments” (Gubrium and Holstein, 2009), narrators use teller identity claims as evidence for taleworld identity claims and vice versa. These identity claims help support the notion of Walkabout’s “preferred narrative” (Gubrium and Holstein, 2009) of transformation through reflection and action. They also help support how the narrator wishes to be identified in a particular time and space. The

Walkabout narrators’ use of tensions between teller and taleworld identity claims often demonstrates their efforts to achieve transformation through reflection and action and thus posses a preferred narrative to tell but these tensions also often demonstrate— especially when the reported Walkabout experience isn’t a good one—the narrator’s efforts to draw upon the audience’s sympathy. “The narrative process—from start to finish—yields an ever emergent, pliant product that should be treated as something more dynamic than a more or less accurate, waiting-to-be-told text” (Gubrium and Holstein,

2009, p. 42). Rather it is the process of narrative co-construction where narrators monitor how their identities are being accepted or rejected by their audience. This surveillance of

“how people act and react to each other” (Bloome et al., 2005, p. 103) motivates maintenance and/or changes in identity construction and thus maintenance and/or changes in constructed meanings.

Self-making, Worldmaking, and Critical Incidents

In my view, the primary value of narratives isn’t just for the development of textual skills, but for the means of promoting reflective meaning-making considered relevant for individual, interpersonal, community, national, and global development.

What one’s narratives demonstrate are choices regarding how people represent

themselves and how they represent the larger world and thus the relationships one has with the larger world. These representations hold bearing on future actions in the world. I draw upon the work of Herman (2002) and Fludernik and Hausler-Greenfield (2009) to argue that the value of narratives is “not on actions and events per se but on the way humans experience and react to them (De Fina and Georgakopoulou, 2012, p. 8). The subtle distinction between narratives as products for evaluation and narratives as tools for making meaning gets to the heart of how narratives can be used as a way of knowing. A helpful lens for seeing narratives as way of knowing is provided by Bruner’s (1991) concepts of self-making and worldmaking and Clifton, Long, and Roen’s (2013) critical incident theory. The ability of narrative as a social process to engage students in self- making, worldmaking, and critical incidents is another reason to conceptualize narrative as more than just a text.

Self-Making: The value of narratives for individuals. The very act of narrating gives individuals “some level of control and agency in their lives” (Bloome, 2013). In other words, by narrating one’s life, “the individual actively constructs his or her view of self” (Gergen and Gergen, 1983, p. 255). Because one’s narrative can be a window into individual constructions of the world, or in other words, an argument about how they have constructed themselves in the world. I believe a good place to start exploring the identity-constructing nature of narrative is Bamberg’s (1997) three questions regarding how narrators position themselves:

“How are the characters positioned in relation to one another within the reported events?” (p. 337): The narrator presents a narrativized world where the narrator is one

character in a world of characters. How the narrator’s character interacts with other characters in the world of the narrative reveals a certain worldview (an argument) toward values, agency, and power dynamics, among other things. Here is an example I collected during my work at Lincoln: Imagine a narrator telling a narrative about her day at work.

An old man has fallen on the ice, near a door that is to only be used by employees. The narrator’s character chooses to help the old man through the employees-only door instead of walking him all the way around the building to the public entrance. Other workers, including the boss, follow the rule, and thus do not help. The narrator gets scolded for breaking the rule. Such a narrative is useful because it provides the narrator’s argument regarding her relationship with her co-workers as well as her values on rules. An interrogation of this narrative would invite arguments regarding these and other topics.

“How does the speaker position him- or herself to the audience?” (p. 337): The narrator makes decisions about what self she will present to the audience listening to the narrative. In the example above, does the narrator blame the boss for not being compassionate? Does she accept the punishment received and admit being in the wrong?

Does she use the above narrative to talk about things like ethics versus rules, important lessons learned on the job, interpersonal relationships among co-workers, or something else? What kind of reaction is she attempting to get from the audience: sympathy, anger, humor? Again, questions such as these would invite the construction of arguments.

“How do narrators position themselves to themselves” (p. 337): Sometimes narrators use their narratives to compare their current self with a former self or even a future self. Such comparisons can demonstrate contrasts such as innocence with

knowledge or ignorance with growth. In the above example, perhaps the narrator was initially very hurt about the incident. Perhaps she initially used the narrative as proof that the boss and co-workers did not accept her efforts to be a good person. Then over time, perhaps she changed how she saw herself. Perhaps the former self struggled at seeing the situation from other points of view. Perhaps the former self could have found a way to help the old man and follow the rule. Again, arguments about changes (or lack of changes) in constructions of self could invite a multitude of arguments: What has changed? Why did you feel that when then? Why do you feel this way now? What is the value of experience? What is the value of reflecting upon experience, yours and that of others?

As manifested above, narratives can help reveal individual arguments regarding the uses of literacy practices and the nature of their participation in literacy events. For example, even if this student’s classes had engaged in literary discussions about the difficulty of seeing the world from other’s perspectives, perhaps she only partially identified with that idea until participating in a dialogue about the meanings/arguments she was constructing from her own narrative. In addition to helping students make such connections, using narrative may also help a teacher recognize how his/her particular

“cultural ideological agenda” (Bloome, 2013) toward teaching writing may in fact be dismissive of other approaches of making meaning through writing. Such interrogations into literacy practices reveal that all literacy practices are ideological. As such, literacy practices run the risk of defining groups where some belong and others do not. Narrative inquiry, however, can help improve the literate lives of adolescents by making their

“situated knowledge” (Clifton, Long, and Roen, 2013), a relevant part of the classroom culture. When I say culture, I mean that which is public, shared, and learned. I align with

Goodenough (1981) who said, “[Culture is] the various standards for perceiving, evaluating, believing, and doing.” If interrogation of individual members’ narratives is an ongoing literacy practice, then each individual member is a contributing to the evolving classroom culture.

Significant to this individual evolution is the issue of time and context. People do not remain static in their narratives. Rather, people use narratives to construct an argument of how they became who they are, but these arguments are contextual. The same narrative bits may be rearranged or emphasized differently as “an interplay of positioning possible pasts and possible beginnings in the light of an end” (Brockmeier,

2000, p. 55). Thus narratives about one’s past have implications for one’s present and future. In fact, one’s narration of their previous self becomes “an instrument in the telling” (Bruner, 1991, p. 70). As Brockmeier (2000) points out, the narrative construction of time, the explanation of how one’s past led to a particular moment in time, is the result of language. “Language does not only represent reality, but also constructs it” (p. 57). Thus we must use the language of one’s narratives to recognize changes over time and then interrogate those changes. Differential use of past selves is also tied to context. We may ask why a narrator told a narrative a particular way in a particular place? What was the narrator trying to accomplish at the time through the telling? How was the nature of the narration influenced by the narration’s audience? The answers to questions such as these, and their resulting arguments, help reveal an

individual’s orientation to a particular time and place such as a classroom. I will discuss these questions further in the next section on worldmaking.

Worldmaking: The value of narratives for groups. The previous discussion on

“self-making” is closely associated with worldmaking because notions of self are negotiable according to the interpretations of others. By constructing a self, one positions his or her self as “the gravitational center of the world” (Bruner, 1991, p. 76). Thus by defining oneself, one also defines the local larger world, or in other words, local culture.

Bruner makes this argument by relying on Nelson Goodman’s term of rightness: “what one can live with among those with whom one interacts in the setting where one must operate” (p. 77). In my study of Walkabout narratives, rightness is not about truth making. Rather it is controlled to fit within notions of what counts as a tellable

Walkabout narrative according to setting and interaction. Walkabout narratives are

“right” when they perpetuate the socially constructed notion of Walkabout narratives: typically defined as a period of personal growth and transformation that prepares a participant to transition as a meaningful member of adulthood. Disappointments are to be expected and in fact should be seen as an opportunity. Students are invited to construct a sense of self that aligns with a cultural construct regarding the transformation of self available through Walkabout participation. This does not mean that students can’t tell narratives to justify claims in seeming opposition to the school’s devotion to Walkabout.

Students can describe their Walkabout as being boring, frustrating, upsetting, wasteful, regrettable, etc. but the local culture also expects them to also talk about how for good or bad, it is transforming them.

The Lincoln culture surrounding Walkabout believes in what Bruner (1991) calls turning points. These are moments of “narratorial consciousness” regarding events that triggered individual growth and/or transformation. They have a before and after quality to them. In effect, a narrator says, “I felt ABC until this event happened. Then I felt XYZ.”

Turning points are commonly “located at points where the culture in fact gives more degrees of freedom” (p. 74).

At Lincoln, Walkabout is a time full of reported turning points. Walkabout students experiencing turning points is expected in the sense that students are on their own, but it is also unexpected in the sense that their greater “degrees of freedom” are happening while they are still high school students subject to the influence of their classmates, teachers, and for most of them, their parents. This is significant because this is a case where students participate in an experience ripe with turning points but do it while members of a writing community dedicated to “collaborative inquiry” (Clifton,

Long, and Roen, 2013) regarding the meaning of their individual experiences. Thus in this instance, students co-construct meaning of their individual experiences, both in situ and after the fact. At Lincoln, one’s reported turning points are further informed by others. As Bruner (1991) says “Self-making is powerfully affected not only by your own interpretation of yourself, but by the interpretations others offer of your version” (p. 76).

Such fluidity between self- and outside-self interpretations is an example of what

Ratcliffe (2005) calls “interpretive intervention” (p. 189). These exchanges show an individual’s view on self to be “highly negotiable” (Bruner, 1991, p. 76). In fact, such collaboration is a way to try out one’s attempts at making meaning with an audience, to

see if the audience will bestow the individual interpretation with rightness. By engaging students in literacy practices that engage self-making, schools also engage a larger culture where students’ learning is relevant to their individual experiences.

Critical Incidents. By looking across the turning points of several students, one can locate what Clifton, Long, and Roen (2013) call critical incidents. Helping students identify critical incidents in each other’s narratives requires a listening that promotes

“constructive meaning-making across difference.” Critical incidents take the “private, localized knowledge of an individual or group” and apply it to “a more public issue of shared concern.” For example, when Walkabout students meet in the weekly Seminar, having written reflections on their ever-emerging narratives of experience, discussions often work at forming a constellation of meaning between the multiple narratives. Some questions that seem to guide discussions are the following: What do all of these separate individual experiences say about a topic of discussion such as expectations versus reality?

How can the narratives of others inform the narratives of an individual? In one example of a critical incident from my data, three students who did Walkabouts associated with social work, co-constructed narrative-arguments about the value of leaving what they called “the Waverly Bubble.” Clifton, Long, and Roen say “Part of the test of a critical incident is its ability to elicit resonance with a listener, to evoke meaningful response, stir a relevant memory, or connect to another's prior knowledge, experience, or understanding in some way.” Looking across composite critical incidents allows individuals to make an argument for re-seeing the situated nature of their own narratives as they listen to the narratives of others.

Narratives, in and of themselves, do not solve problems, but they do make them visible and perhaps more approachable (Bruner, 1991). In fact, they help reveal what

Bloome (2013) calls “the particularities of people’s lives” and thus foster greater empathy and greater understanding of “what it means to be human.” Do not forget that listening to the narratives of others is itself an experience. By telling our own experience of listening to others’ experiences, we are “representing” (Bamberg, 1997, p. 335) what those experiences mean to us and can thus enter into dialogue with others regarding what meanings can be made.

New Literacy Studies

Finally, I am framing my arguments regarding the development of social literacy practices in narrative over time within a New Literacy Studies (NLS) lens, largely for

NLS’s recognition of multiple literacies within any one situation rather than simply defining literacy as “a yes-and-no matter” (Szwed, 1981, p. 14). We know that literacy practices, “a cultural practice involving written language” (Bloome et al., 2005), vary according to social contexts. Heath’s (1983) ten-year ethnographic study of contiguous communities showed how members of communities are “differentially prepared”

(Schultz and Hull, 2002, p. 15) for the literacy practices they encounter in schooling.

Some communities’ home practices are more closely aligned to the school practices than other communities. This calls into question the assumption that those who do well with schooled literacy practices are more competent or intelligent or just more familiar with the demands and expectations of school literacy practices.

I rely on Street’s (1984, 1995) notion that all literacy practices are ideological or in other words, aligned with one’s situated beliefs. I also rely on Gee’s (1996) notion that

Discourses are ideological and thus indicative of membership in a situated group.

Because the Discourse identities of all individuals do not easily align with the Discourses common to school, many students may feel like their ideological literacy practices fall outside of “what counts as knowledge in any particular academic context” (Lea and

Street, 2006, p. 369). NLS draws upon ethnographic, linguistic, and sociocultural perspectives to pay attention to “microanalyses of language and literacy use with macroanalyses of discourse and power” (Schultz and Hull, 2002, p. 23). NLS asks why schooled literacy practices define reading and writing and thus marginalize other literacy practices, that is, “what people actually accomplish with literacy, rather than judging them as deficient” (p. 24).

Often the formalized and schooled way of knowing positions the teacher as the only knower and the students as only learners. “Such a model often implies an ‘ideal’ reader or writer, against whom the adequacy of actual readers and writers can be evaluated” (Bloome, 2003, p. 59). Such standardized practices elevate a particular way of doing literacy as having more validity and status than other approaches. For example,

Heath (1982), argues, “In some communities, these ways of schools and institutions are very similar to the ways learned at home; in other communities the ways of school are merely an overlay on the home-taught ways and may be in conflict with them” (p. 50).

These ways of doing are situated and socially constructed. Thus if a particular classroom does not socially construct other ways of doing as valuable, then those students engaging

in other ways of doing will be viewed from a deficit perspective. Heath describes what she calls what-explanations, “learning to pick out topic sentences, write outlines, and answer standardized tests which ask for the correct titles to stories, and so on” (p. 54).

Heath found that those students whose home bedtime story practices mirrored the school- favored what-explanations did better in school while the literacy practices of other students remained hidden.

Studying How Social and Literacy Practices Develop Over Time

In sum, social and literacy practices are situated and they develop over time. To accurately discuss the how of these developments requires utilizing ethnographic methods for an extended period of time. An understanding of students’ opportunities to learn cannot be gained by only studying the texts they produce, but by also studying how they engage in social and literacy practices. These engagements are contextual, meaning that the ways students engage in narrative and argumentation is not fixed but is a performance made to fit the situation.

In Chapter 3, I will describe my use of the methods of ethnography of communication and microethnographic discourse analysis to demonstrate how small stories build over time during Walkabout.

Chapter 3: Research Method

My methodology is informed by three principles derived from microethnographic discourse analysis and recent studies of narrative as performance. The first principle is that the teaching and learning of narrative practices cannot be completely understood by only examining final texts but by also using ethnographic methods to understand how the text of narrativizations is influenced by contexts (Bauman, 1986; Chase, 2011; Riessman,

2008). The second principle is that knowledge of oneself and the world, that is, experience (Dewey, 1938) is constructed through actions and reactions as manifested in how language is used in social contexts (Volosinov, 1986). Individuals use language to position their identities differentially (Bamberg, 1997; Bloome et al., 2005;

Georgakopoulou, 2010; Zimmerman, 1998; Gee, 1996) and identity constructions are stories (Sfard and Prusak, 2005). The third is that individuals do narrative differently depending on whether it is a small story context or big story context (Bamberg and

Georgakopoulou, 2008) and those narrative contexts are influenced by an interplay of institutional and interactional control (Gubrium and Holstein, 2008; 2009).

As discussed in Chapter 1, my three research questions are the following:

1. How are narrative performances mediated both institutionally and interactionally

during narrativizations of experience based on the Lincoln Walkabout?

2. How do teachers and students, through interactions with each other over time,

guide the practices of constructing identities and warranting reflections in

particular ways during both the Walkabout Seminar and the Walkabout journal

exchanges?

3. How do case study students story their identities and experiences in small story

and big story settings? What connections exist between identities and experience

constructed in small stories and those constructed in big stories?

These questions come out of a theoretical understanding that writing development is the result of situated social practices within literacy events (Schultz and Fecho, 2000).

Of particular interest for this dissertation are how social and literacy practices develop over time, specifically the value of conceptualizing narratives as social practices, as texts that are performed, shared and responded to socially. In this chapter, I will first explain the context of my study, including why I chose “Lincoln” as a site. Secondly, I will describe how I collected my data. Third, I will explain how I will analyze my data.

Context of the Study

This study comes from a two-year study (2013-2014 and 2014-2015) of literacy and social practices surrounding the use of academic and experiential narrative writing among senior students at “Lincoln” High School. Studying how writing was used across the senior year gave me a rich collection of data on how writing and narrativizations of experience are done in the Lincoln context. As explained in Chapter 2, I am interested in both institutional and interactional affordances and constraints in how students learn to transact with their narrativizations of experience over time. Lincoln is an alternative school that is part of a large suburban school district in central Ohio. The larger ethnographic research project from which this study is taken was a two-year study tracing

the writing experiences of two senior classes (2014 and 2015) over four phases: Phases one and three (Fall semesters of 2013 and 2014) took place in the senior-level College

Composition class taken by nearly all Lincoln seniors. Phases two and four (Spring semesters of 2014 and 2015) took place in Walkabout Seminar also taken by nearly all seniors. The phases of my study are summarized in Table 3.1 below.

Table 3.1: Phases of larger Lincoln study

Phase 1 Fall 2013 College Composition Senior class of 2014 Phase 2 Spring 2014 Walkabout Seminar Senior class of 2014 Phase 3 Fall 2014 College Composition Senior class of 2015 Phase 4 Spring 2015 Walkabout Seminar Senior class of 2015

The focus of this dissertation, however, is data collected during Phase 4 of the larger study, that is, during Spring 2015 as the students participated in a Walkabout Seminar.

The following six social practices are of critical importance to understanding this site:

1. Journaling: Students wrote journals five to seven days a week and sent them to

their journal advisor for feedback. Every week, students must respond to two to

three required journal prompts. For example, “How does the Walkabout reality

compare with your expectations?” (“Walkabout Journal Prompts” handout, see

Appendix A1).

2. Journaling Feedback: Journal advisors are instructed to provide feedback that

will “help students contemplate what [students] are learning” (“Walkabout

Responsibilities and Rubric for Walkabout” handout, see Appendix A4) in and

out of their placement.

3. Writing Evaluations of Placement Experiences: Students complete mid- and post-

placement evaluations and they also receive these from their site mentor.

Evaluations are discussed between the mentor and student to “heighten student

effectiveness and growth” (“Mid-Walkabout Evaluation Sheet for Mentors”).

These evaluations are shared with the Walkabout co-directors.

4. Weekly Seminar (two hours) Discussions: Seminar discussions focus on

predetermined topics such as “What are you finding out about yourself that you

were not aware of before?” (“Walkabout Journal Prompts” handout).

5. Writer’s Workshop: Seminars also incorporate a writer’s workshop focus to help

students prepare a submission for the class Walkabout book. Students present

drafts of their book submission and receive feedback to help revisions. Each

student gets a copy of the book. A copy of the book is kept at the school for

underclassmen to review.

6. Symposium Presentations: After returning from Walkabout, students create,

practice, revise, and finally give four public presentations on their Walkabout.

Two of these presentations are for Lincoln underclassman and thus help

perpetuate tellability expectations for Walkabout narratives. Two are for the

“Waverly” community as represented by family and friends. Students are asked to

address these two focal points: 1) What I learned about the subject or topic, the

people, and the process 2) How am I different for having done this Walkabout?

How have I changed since January? What have I learned about myself?

(“Symposium Preparation” handout, see Appendix A2).

I define the above literacy events as interconnected networks of social practices because each has specific qualities that set it apart from other, although connected, social practices. In short, I borrow from Newell, Bloome, and Hirvela’s (2015) definition of social practice because these practices are shared, learned, evolved over time, located historically, and are connected to other social practices (pp. 15-16). All of these literacy practices appear to be aimed at helping espouse the school’s John Dewey ethos. For example, the “Walkabout Journal Prompts handout is headed by a Dewey quotation: “We do not learn from experience . . . we learn from reflecting on experience.”

Central aspects of the Walkabout experience, the Walkabout seminar, and the

Walkabout writer’s workshop are the positioning of students as agents capable of charting their own educational course and using narrative to make meaning of experiences. Thus surrounding the Walkabout experience are multiple “narrative environments” (Gubrium and Holstein, 2009; Chase, 2011) in which students engage in the narrative practices of projecting the future, evaluation, tellability, and the presentation of self. Oftentimes, these narratives are shared and even co-constructed with those listening.

I am particularly interested in this site because it affords me the opportunity to examine how adolescents narrative experience in multiple narrative environments: weekly Seminar discussions, Walkabout journal correspondence between students and journal mentor, the Walkabout book submission, and the Symposium presentation. I believe this site embodies Dewey’s (1938) pursuit of educative experience, a place where

“every attempt to discriminate between experiences that are worth while educationally

and those that are not” (p. 33) is made. This site seeks growth in its students by giving students a continuity of experience and a dedication to interaction about the meaningfulness of those experiences. I am also able to trace how students’ narratives in these environments change over the time of four months but also how students choose to refract their small stories (born out of immediacy events) into big stories as evident in submissions for the class Walkabout book and public Symposium presentations. This site allows for Hicks’ (1996) notion of multi-layered analysis. By looking at multiple sources surrounding the students’ writing, I can study how and what students are learning through writing experiential narratives and how that learning changes over time.

Selecting and Entering Lincoln High School

I originally entered this site to do a writing across the curriculum study to fulfill a pilot study requirement for one of my doctoral courses. I quickly became familiar with the school’s Walkabout program. I asked the Walkabout Coordinator, Leslie, if I could gather literacy narratives from the students as they did their Walkabouts. She thought this was a great idea since this had never been done. I recognized this as a good way to establish a productive relationship with this school. I collected brief video interviews with the students shortly before they left for Walkabout and shortly after they returned from Walkabout. I compiled these for a video that was shown at Lincoln’s graduation that year. I think creating the video was what enabled me to receive permission to conduct my study for the next two years.

I enlisted Chase, the teacher-director and College Composition teacher, as a teacher associated with the Argumentative Writing Project. This enabled me to start

collecting data from his classroom in the Fall of 2013. Meanwhile, I worked on an

Institutional Review Board (IRB) proposal to conduct a long-term study of the literacy practices, specifically oral and written responses to writing, engaged in by senior Lincoln students. In the late fall of that year, I received Institutional Review Board approval for my study, “The Appropriation of Feedback: the Social Construction of Giving and

Receiving Response in College Preparation and Auto-Ethnographic Writing.” I received yearlong extensions to this study in the Fall of 2014 and another yearlong extension in the Fall of 2015.

Because the College Composition teacher, Chase, and the Walkabout

Coordinator, Leslie, already worked closely, tracing students from one context to the other worked well. College Composition always has two sections. With Chase’s help, I selected one of the two sections for study. Then with Leslie’s help, I recruited the remaining senior students into my study for the Walkabout portion. With Chase’s help and based on my observations, I selected 5-6 case study students. I tried to trace all of these students across the Walkabout experience, but this was not always possible simply because some students were out of town for Walkabout. In those cases, I did pre- and post-Walkabout interviews and collected their journals. Nevertheless, I enlisted Leslie’s help in the spring to push my number of case study students to nine. This meant recruiting case study students I had not studied in College Composition. Over the course of the two-year study, I worked with 18 case-study students.

Data Collection

I have utilized the methods of ethnography of communication (Heath & Street,

2008; Szwed, 1981; Green & Bloome, 1983; Zaharlick & Green, 1991; Hymes, 1982;

Heath, 1983) to gather data across Walkabout’s different narrative contexts. In so doing, I have focused “on the actions and interactions of members of the social group both within group and in cross-cultural situations to determine how literacy functions for members”

(Zaharlick & Green, 1991, pp. 206-207) of Lincoln’s senior classes. See Table 3.2 for a review of my research questions as well as how I collected data to answer those questions. Following Table 3.2 I will detail my data collection and data analysis methods.

Table 3.2: Data collection by research question

1. Research Question #1: How are narrative performances mediated both institutionally and interactionally during narrativizations of experience based on the Lincoln Walkabout? Theoretical Framing: Context and Narrative ethnography: Erickson and Schultz, 1977; Shuman, 1986; Gubrium and Holstein, 2008; 2009; Chase, 2011; Riessman, 2008 Data Collection When & How Often - Interviews with teachers and case study - Beginning and end of Walkabout. At students: video and audio recorded least two interviews. Some have 4-6. - Classroom artifacts used during - All artifacts collected Walkabout - Observations: ethnographic field notes, - Field notes for all Seminars; analytic analytic memos memos are ongoing. 2. Research Question #2: How do teachers and students, through interactions with each other over time, guide the practices of constructing identities and warranting reflections in particular ways during both the Walkabout Seminar and the Walkabout journal exchanges? Theoretical Framing: New Literacy Studies: Street, 1984; 1995; Gee, 1996; Lea and Street, 2006; Schultz and Hull, 2002; Heath, 1982; 1983 Microethnographic Discourse Analysis: Bloome et al., 2005; Shuman, 1986; Zimmerman, 1998 Identity Construction: Georgakopoulou, 2006a, 2006b, 2006c; Bamberg, 1997; 2006; Bloome et al., 2005; Sfard and Prusak, 2005; Bruner, 1991; Clifton, Long, & Roen, 2013 Educative Experience: Rosenblatt, 1938/1995; Dewey, 1934, 1938; Faust, 2000 Continued

Table 3.2 Continued Data Collection When & How Often - Interviews with teachers and case study - Beginning and end of Walkabout. At students: video and audio recorded least two interviews. Some have 4-6. - Video and audio recordings of weekly - Weekly Seminar meeting - Classroom artifacts used during - All artifacts collected Walkabout - Copies of journaling interactions between - Copies for all case study students students and mentors (18) 3. Research Question #3: How do case study students story their identities and experiences in small story and big story settings? What connections exist between identities and experience constructed in small stories and those constructed in big stories? Theoretical Framing: Small stories and big stories: Georgakopoulou, 2006a, 2006b, 2006c; Bamberg, 2006; Bamberg and Georgakopoulou, 2008; Bamberg, 2007; De Fina, 2006; Georgakopoulou and Goutsos; 1997, De Fina and Georgakopoulou, 2012; Freeman, 2006 Narrative and performance: Bauman, 1986; De Fina and Georgakopoulou, 2012 Educative Experience: Rosenblatt, 1938/1995; Dewey, 1934, 1938; Faust, 2000 Data Collection When & How Often - Interviews with case study students: video - Beginning and end of Walkabout. At and audio recorded least two interviews. Some have 4-6. - Video and audio recordings of case study - Weekly students’ participation in weekly Seminar meetings - Copies of journaling interactions between - Copies for all case study students students and mentors (18) - Instructional chains of case study - Two chains: one general chain for students’ participation over time Walkabout Seminar and one for each case study student - Case study students’ submissions for - One for each case study student Walkabout book - Recordings of case study students’ - One for each case study student: end Symposium presentations: video and of Walkabout audio - Coded transcriptions of interactions - Coding is ongoing. Coding is ongoing. I will now describe the major ethnographic methods I have used to form my corpus of data: participant observation and field notes, video and audio recording of classroom events, interviewing, and collection of print and digital artifacts composed by the students and the teachers. See below for an accounting of the data I’ve collected for

Phase 4 (Table 3.3). I am focusing on Phase 4 because it represents my best data regarding narrativizations of experience. Phases 1 and 2 were my pilot study. Phase 3 focused on a College Composition course.

Table 3.3: Description of data collected from Walkabout 2015

PHASE 4: Walkabout Seminar Spring Semester 2015 Data Source Amount of Data Description of Data Field notes 24/25 class sessions My notes utilized three categories as suggested by Green and Bloome (1983): methodological, theoretical, and personal notes. This year had more sessions because there were two Seminar sessions per week during the first Walkabout. Video of class 24 class sessions; 16 Video camera was always placed in one corner of room events Symposium to capture as many participants as possible on camera. I presentations; Senior tried different vantage points since participants sat in a Recognition circle. Audio of class Walkabout Kick-off; Audio recorder was always placed on the side of the events 24 class sessions; 16 room opposite the video camera. Symposium presentations Case study 9 Five girls and four boys. I added additional case study students students to ensure a robust corpus of data. Two students from the fall suffered from prolonged medical issues and thus were not able to fully participate. Student interviews 1 I did one group interview with four of the case study (group) students at the beginning of Walkabout to gain a sense of what the students were anticipating. Student interviews 17 These interviews regarded the students’ Walkabout (individual) placements and their Walkabout journals. Most students were interviewed twice, once near the end of each Walkabout placement. Teacher 7 Six of these interviews were with Leslie. In these interviews (Leslie sessions we made plans for the Seminar meetings. I also and Mike) asked her about her roles as the Walkabout coordinator and as a journal mentor. I did one interview with Mike, a teacher serving as journal mentor for a couple of the case study students. Print and digital 50+ I collected all writing samples from the case study artifacts students, including Walkabout proposals, goal sheets, free writes, and the journal entries from their two placements. I collected all comments from students’ journal mentors. I collected all handouts including Walkabout guidelines, assigned readings, and drafts presented in the writer’s workshop. I have the final 2015 Walkabout book, containing final submissions from 24/29 Walkabout students.

Participant Observation and Field Notes

I attended almost every session of the two focal classes for the past two years. During the participant observation, I took ethnographic field notes utilizing categories described by

Green and Bloome (1983). These categories include descriptive notes, methodological notes, theoretical notes, and personal notes. See Table 3.4 for a sample of my field notes.

Table 3.4: Field notes sample February 13, 2015

Time Description (moves by teacher/students)/ Methods Theoretical Notes Personal Interpretation 9:55 Leslie: these are good things for all you guys. Say Camera is Sample of interplay of Leslie to your mentor: I’d like to try this. You’ve put in in corner institutional and suggesting the some time. You’ve shown yourself to be a good of room to interactional control. narrative of worker. Ask if others need help. Points out no one capture as See Gubrium and taking is taking notes. Project no one has had time for. Is many Holstein. initiative. Fits there something I could learn/read to make a better students as the Lincoln contribution. possible ethos. 9:56 Leslie: if you see something in your placement you want to do, now is the time to ask your mentor to do it. 9:58 Transition into “What Can I Learn from Doing Citing a common ‘Grunt Work’: A Case of Frustration?’ reading for authority to Leslie’s previous claims at 9:55. 10:02* After most of the first page is finished, Leslie asks: Audio Good example of one’s Finally, lots recorder is narrative being stuck in of hands go Angie: expected she’d be doing grunt work. across place. See Narrative up. Cheyenne: thinks Leslie managed their room to Ethnography article in expectations pretty well. capture Handbook of Emergent Transcription Gwen: never really had a problem doing grunt sound that Methods. I think both contender for work. She’s been doing scanning of coupons video may Cass and Heidi are Heidi because the engineer is busy. not get. resistant to changing Cass: I expected to do grunt work and I’m not their narratives. We’ll doing anything. I literally sit on the couch and see what happens. watch TV all day. Interacts with people if they are After class, I there. The ladies are running group (Cass is not interviewed Heidi and allowed to be there). She can tag onto AA she kept mentioning meetings. Otherwise, she’s just doing the car ride, about how she is looking at the city as they drive by. Leslie asks looking forward to her about evaluation. Beth will send it in. Leslie thinks second placement. She that will give her a better idea of what can be done. doesn’t see the Ali A lot of what you’re learning is through the Fallon show as getting interaction with Beth. her anywhere. She wants to be done. Continued

Table 3.4 Continued 10:05 Cass: thinks it’s a combination of things. Needs to ask Beth for more. Needs to initiate conversations with the ladies. Heidi: a lot of the grunt work I do is taking away work from others. There are two other interns. Feels like she’s doing jobs they could do. Example: cleaning up sound clips. Framing this as doing jobs that others don’t want to do. Having a hard time feeling helpful. Feels expendable. Leslie references the interview (WAB placement interview?) is his inability to get to do sound clips.

Erin: does grunt work at WKHS theatre department, because (quite voice) I’m the theatre president. Had to take papers to an elementary schools and one of them wouldn’t take it. Took like 2 hours and hated it because she knew it wouldn’t get done if she didn’t do it. Other teachers (Miss T.) wouldn’t have time. Things it’s like other people’s internships. Hard to see. Leslie validates this as a good realization. “Your grunt work is actually benefitting the place.” Video and Audio Recording of Classroom Events

During Phase 4 of this study, I attended 24 of 25 class sessions. All 24 of these sessions were video and audio recorded. I also recorded 16 end-of-year Symposium presentations, one “Walkabout Kick-off” meeting, multiple cultural activities at the school’s annual overnight camping trip, and the class of 2015’s graduation ceremony.

In phase 1 of the larger project, I started recording class sessions by placing the video in the back of the room and focusing it on the teacher with the audio recorder on a table near the students. After a few sessions, however, I decided I was missing valuable information by not recording the students’ faces. I wanted to capture not only their audible use of language but also their nonverbal contextualization cues (see Erickson and

Schultz, 1977, p. 6 for a list). From that point, I strived to place my video in a place that allowed me to capture as many students’ facial expressions as possible. This often meant putting the camera in the front of the room. I placed my audio recorder across the room to

try and capture the audio that the video-recorder may not be able to gather. Since the

Lincoln classes I studied were small (about 20 was the largest), I feel my video and audio recorders were positioned to capture the most activity possible.

Interviewing

I did three kinds of interviews over the two years: group student interviews (5), individual student interviews (54), and teacher interviews (16). Each is described in greater detail below. One purpose of these interviews was to understand the situated social and literacy practices involved in the writing and the responses Lincoln students give and receive.

Student Profile Interviews. These interviews asked about past writing experiences as well as questions about their interest in writing before and after engaging in the writing demands of College Preparation and/or Walkabout.

Individual and Group Project-Based Interviews. These individual and group interviews were conducted formally and informally before, during, and after participant observations. These interviews helped me understand how students work individually and cooperatively with peers and teachers to write their papers. These interviews gave students a chance to characterize the narrative social practices in which they were engaged.

Teacher Interviews. I interviewed Leslie, the Walkabout Coordinator, and other teachers multiple times (formally and informally) over the two years regarding social and literacy practices surrounding the sharing of Walkabout narratives.

Collection of Print and Digital Artifacts

Print and digital artifacts were collected for analysis and triangulation with the other data types. Artifacts collected include the following:

• All teacher handouts from the Walkabout Seminar

• Walkabout journals, including journal mentor feedback, for all case study

students.

• Student free-writes and goal sheets completed in Walkabout Seminar.

• Rough and final drafts of Walkabout students’ submission for Walkabout

Book.

• The Walkabout book for both senior classes. I have the final class 2014

Walkabout book, which contains final submissions from 26/33 Walkabout

students. I have the final class of 2015 Walkabout book, containing final

submissions from 24/29 Walkabout students.

• Peer review sheets completed by students and teachers as students practiced

their Symposium presentations.

Data Analyses

In this dissertation, I analyze how narrativizations of experience are used as tools for reflection and dialogue. Recall that my three research questions are the following:

1. How are narrative performances mediated both institutionally and interactionally

during narrativizations of experience based on the Lincoln Walkabout?

2. How do teachers and students, through interactions with each other over time,

guide the practices of constructing identities and warranting reflections in

particular ways during both the Walkabout Seminar and the Walkabout journal

exchanges?

3. How do case study students story their identities and experiences in small story

and big story settings? What connections exist between identities and experience

constructed in small stories and those constructed in big stories?

I analyze how small stories are used by teachers and students in the instructional contexts of oral Seminar discussions and written journal exchanges. I traced small story development over time and compared it to the big stories that students presented at the end of Walkabout. I worked with my data in five phases: data organization, choosing and transcribing small and big story discourse and writing events, searching for patterns across events and artifacts, discourse analysis of discourse events, and contextualized analysis of writing events. I will describe each of these phases in detail.

Phase One: Data Organization

As I collected data, I organized electronic files by date for all Seminar meetings and their corresponding handouts and field notes. I also organized electronic files by the names of my case study students to collect their Walkabout journals, their free writes, their evaluation and goal forms, and their interviews with me with their subsequent transcripts.

I used my Seminar field notes as a way to index the topics discussed according to time and to identify emerging theoretical connections that could be connected to how participants engaged in other sessions. I used my field notes to construct multiple instructional chains (VanDerHeide & Newell, 2013) which allowed me to identify a trajectory of how, when and in what sequence different participants in my study engaged small stories across time. I first made a general instructional chain of the Walkabout

Seminar to map out the general experience offered by Lincoln as an institution. See

Example 3.1 for an excerpt.

Example 3.1: Excerpt of Walkabout Seminar general instructional chain

Date Events

January 7, 2015 • Walkabout meeting at Leslie’s house • Do’s and Don’ts for WAB placements • Q&A about Seminar and journals January 7, 2015 • Walkabout Kickoff: students present their Walkabout plans at community gathering—attended by parents and members of school board. Friday, January 16, • Free write: How was your first week of Walkabout? 2015 (first • Questions: Attendance and hours Seminar) • Students take turns sharing out orally about their first week • Significant insights from students o Mallory, Shelby, Greg, Susan, Cass, Adin, Holly (group element) • Setting goals • Writer’s workshop o Is there a right way to give a hug? o “Shitty First Drafts by Lamott (1994) o “Giving Movies of Your Mind” by Elbow (1973) o Pointing, summarizing, and telling • Discussion of Walkabout student lost in British customs Within this general chain that depicts common experiences are the individualized student experiences as revealed through Seminar comments, journaling interactions, and interview exchanges. Therefore, I next made instructional chains specific to the

Walkabout experience of case study students. See Example 3.2 for an excerpt.

Example 3.2: Excerpt of Heidi’s Walkabout instructional chain

Date Events

January 12* Initial experience: boring awkward; “I need to earn my place;” unclear expectations; microwave and stapler small stories; looking up stuff on legalizing marijuana January 13* “lackey jobs . . . I’m happy to get that done for them;” routine; Initial thoughts and feelings: ignorant/stupid; researching ideas; first attempt at writing—“intimidating”; Feels like they are trying to include her; hopes she is useful. January 14* not enough to do—“feels “kind of useless;” meets with Ali about her first attempt at writing—“she basically changed everything I wrote;” feeling “intimidated” by Ali; feels like she is being treated like one of the other interns; positives of the job January 15* interesting show—call system crashed; HC’s music clips are played; running out of work—“unsure of myself;” negatives of the job January 16 deleted journal—“terrible mood . . . complaining about my mental health” January 16: Seminar In the above example, days with an asterisk indicate dates Heidi’s journal mentor gave a written response. Complete instructional chains for the general Walkabout Seminar

(Appendix E) and a case study students’ participation across Walkabout (Appendix F) are also available.

After making these instructional chains, I created topical maps to identify—at a glance—the themes of small stories as shared over time. See Table 3.5 below for a portion of a topical “mapping” (Green & Wallat, 1981) of Heidi’s Walkabout experiences at a local radio show. Notice the frequency of Heidi’s journal entries and the frequency of responses from her journal mentor, Leslie. Sprinkled between all of the journal interactions are the weekly Seminar interactions.

Table 3.5: Topical Mapping of Heidi’s Walkabout

Date Topic Seminar— HC Journal Journal Research (mon Whole mentor Interview th.da Class response te) 1.6 Group Interview X 1.7 Walkabout Kickoff X 1.8 “Take your dreams seriously.” X X 1.9 Feeling powerless and confused X X 1.12 “I need to earn my place.” X X 1.13 “lackey jobs” X X 1.14 First attempt at writing for show X X 1.15 Negatives of the job X X 1.16 Deleted journal: “terrible mood” X 1.16 Small stories from the first week; X X X “From Onion to My Grandmother” 1.20 “I’m such a downer” X 1.22 Show host (Ali) changed her writing X 1.23 Disillusionment stage X 1.23 “Stages of an Internship” & X journaling 1.26 Feeling useless, stupid, ignorant X X 1.27 Benedict Cumberbatch X X 1.28 “feeling shitty” about emailing X X Marcus 1.29 The things she’s learning X X 1.30 What have you realized about X yourself?; “The Things They Carried” 1.31 Secret Garden performance Because topical maps help identify how one things unfolds into another, constructing these maps allowed me to identify events I wanted to analyze in greater detail with microethnographic discourse analysis and contextualized analyses of student writing.

Phase Two: Choosing and Transcribing Small and Big Story Discourse and Writing

Events

Because my first two research questions focus on what Rogoff (1995) calls the institutional and interpersonal planes of activity I selected typical and critical cases

(Mitchell, 1984) to show how narrative was performed in my observations at Lincoln.

For discourse events, I made transcripts using Transana software. For writing events, I

analyzed copies of student-generated texts: Seminar free writes, Walkabout goals and evaluations, journaling interactions with journal mentors, individual Walkabout book submissions, and the text of Symposium presentations. I included the text of the

Symposium presentations as a written text, because it is a heavily rehearsed, pre-planned performance.

Discourse Events. To answer my research questions regarding how Lincoln apprentices a particular notion of how to perform narratives of experience in interactional settings, I needed cases of how teachers and students talk about Walkabout experiences as well as how teachers and students provide each other with guided practice (Rogoff,

1995) regarding how to tell a Walkabout narrative. I found cases that demonstrate the

Lincoln ethos regarding narratives of experience and I also found cases that push against the Lincoln ethos. For example, a student named Cheryl claimed that journaling and receiving feedback on her journaling regarding her frustrations with her opera teacher helped her recognize growth in her perspective of self and the larger world. Meanwhile a student named Heidi was hesitant to claim that journaling and receiving feedback enabled her to grow much.

Writing Events. Walkabout students reflect upon their narratives of experience in journals that answer institutionally generated prompts. In their journals, they also interact about their reflections on experience with a journal mentor. As with discourse events, I looked for written cases that demonstrate the Lincoln ethos regarding narratives of experience as well as written cases that pushed against the Lincoln ethos.

Phase Three: Searching For Patterns Across Events and Artifacts

During data collection, I read and reread field notes, transcripts, classroom artifacts, and student writing samples to make annotations on developing themes. This process caused me to review video recordings of Seminar and interview sessions prior to final interviews with case study students. This was a messy and iterative process, but the process caused me to develop useable codes for discourse events.

I am interested in how traces of small stories are refracted in big stories over time.

For example, a girl named “Heidi” often told small stories about feeling "useless" at her

Walkabout placement on a local radio show. She struggled with the idea of not being rewarded sufficiently for her efforts. She took this topic up over and over in her journals, in Seminar, and in the interviews. In Table 3.11 I show how her narrativizations of experience shift over time as she accumulates more feedback from her journal mentor and comments on her experiences from her peers in Seminar. The institutional framing of reflection on experience and the locally held belief of experience as transformation likely contributed to these shifts as well. When she did the big story reporting of her experience at the end, she narrated her experience differently than in the small stories. I can show the evolution of her thinking through the small stories over time and how that small story evolution is manifested, at least in part, by the final big stories: submission for the

Walkabout book and her Symposium presentation. Looking across the texts of small story contexts across time allows me to conceptualize intertextuality as social construction (Bloome & Egan-Robertson, 1993) where the interplay of institutional and interactional control (Gubrium and Holstein, 2008; 2009) is present. I have recognized

patterns related to conceptions of tellability (Shuman, 1986), identity positioning

(Bamberg, 1997), and projections of future action (Georgakopoulou, 2006a; 2006c).

Tracing how Heidi does the small stories versus the big stories of her Walkabout reveals that she is using small stories and big stories toward different purposes and thus different performances.

Phase Four: Discourse Analysis of Discourse Events

As discussed in Chapter 2, theoretically I assume that identity is constructed through language. The way one uses language to construct one’s identity is specific to particular moments in time and space. I used microethnographic discourse analysis methods (Bloome et al., 2005) such as indexing, transcribing, coding, and mapping to look for patterns of how small stories were being used by participants in the “material environments” (p. 6) of Walkabout’s interactional settings. These methods helped me recognize what is got entextualized (Bauman and Briggs, 1990; De Fina &

Georgakopoulou, 2012) institutionally and interactionally and helped me begin to understand what got appropriated (Rogoff, 1995) by individuals through the social practices surrounding Walkabout narratives.

For my transcriptions I represent the speech by marking spurts of conversation, what Chafe (1980, 1987) calls “idea units” that are similar to what Green and Wallat

(1981) and Bloome et al., (2005) call message units. Idea units are “of intonational and semantic closure . . . set off from one another by a clause-final intonation, normally a rise in pitch, combined with a slight pause or hesitation” (Georgakopoulou & Goutsos, 1997, p. 67). In order to preserve the interactional quality of how things were spoken, I have

adapted a transcription key from De Fina and Georgakopoulou (2012) and

Georgakopoulou (2006b). See Table 3.6 below. A transcription key such as this is important because the meaning of discourse is realized by pairing the words spoken with how they were spoken.

Table 3.6: Transcription Key

((nodding)) Non-linguistic actions, editorial comments // Overlapping utterances = Continuous utterances (latching) : Extension or prolongation of sound :: Longer extension , End of intonation unit, continuing intonation . Stopping fall in intonation ? Rising intonation ! Animated tone - Self-interruption (1.) Approximate length of a pause in seconds <> Talk uttered more quickly than the surrounding utterance CAPITALS Used for louder speech xxxx Speech that cannot be deciphered @@ Laughter “” Reported speech or hypothetical speech I have constructed the following analytic categories (see Table 3.7) to track how students’ narrativizations of experience function at a particular moment in time. My development of these categories resulted from my theoretical framework as discussed in

Chapter 2 as well as what I recognized during Phase 3 of my data analysis. The generation of these categories has also been a messy, iterative process of trying many tentative coding categories across multiple transcripts to validate their usefulness.

Table 3.7: Discourse Analysis categories for Walkabout narratives

Narrative Element Definition Tellability of the Immediate Relevancy Institutional Narrativizations of experience made tellable by how Lincoln (Rins.) (generally) and Walkabout (specifically) frame the value of experience. Relevancy Interactional Narrativizations of experience made tellable within a particular (Rint.) interaction. I’m using this code to identify narratives that become tellable within an interaction that is not clearly the result of institutional mandates. Reportage (Rep.) Reporting the who, what, where, and when of the narratives told. This includes evaluations of people, places, things made manifest through the language of narratives or through the contextualization cues of a narrative telling Evaluation (Eval.) Reporting evaluations on people, places, and events. Construction of Identity Positioning of Character How the narrator’s character interacts with other characters in the (PC) world of the narrative reveals a certain worldview. Positioning of Audience How the narrator uses the narrativizations to interact with the (PA) audience listening to the narrative. Positioning of Self (PS) How narrators use their narratives to compare their current self with a former self or even a future self. Reflective Meaning Making Change (RC) Reflections on narrativizations that warrant why the narrator should change a particular evaluation, positioning, or action Maintain (RM) Reflections on narrativizations that warrant why the narrator should maintain a particular evaluation, positioning, or action Process (RP) Reflections on narrativizations that warrant confusion about the proper evaluation, positioning, or action to take in the moment. More thought and/or experience will be required.

The analytic tables move from left to write, going from line numbers to speaker to idea unit to the analytic categories. For each idea unit, I used X’s (teacher) and O’s (students) to mark discourse moves categorically. I recognize that many things may be happening at any one time; so several categories are often marked for a single idea unit. See Table 3.8 for a sample analysis. This interaction occurred during the first Seminar. Renae is recounting how she views her new co-workers as not being good people.

Table 3.8: Sample analytic table from January 20, 2015 Seminar Idea Unit Rin Rin Rep Eva PC PA PS RC RM RP s. t. . l. 7 Leslie So is your X X conclusion that these guys aren't good people? 8 Renae Yeah O O O 9 Pretty much O O O 10 Like they just haven't-all I've O O O O O learned so far about being professional from them 11 Is basically O O 12 keep everything at base level O O O 13 And like (1) don't be genuine O O O 14 And make sure make sure O O O you at least appear well 15 Because like all I've learned O O O O is that as long as you 16 Like that's 17 Fine O O 18 Because like from appearance O O O 19 They look like they're really O O O O nice girls 20 And stuff but like (shakes O O O O head) 21 Abby How many days have you X X been there? 22 Renae I've been there, four days. O O 23 Abby (4) To me it seems like X X 24 Maybe X X X 25 That X X 26 You you've experienced a X X X X few incidents that are just 27 Isolated incidents that X X X X 28 Have left a bad taste in your X X X X mouth 29 And that maybe X X 30 If you give it a little more X X X X time 31 Those will kind of X X 32 Hopefully-I don't I don't think X X X X you will experience something like that every day 33 You know X X 34 Renae It it has been every day O O O 35 It’s just been like weird. O O O

Phase Five: Contextualized Analysis of Writing Events I conducted a contextualized writing analysis (Prior, 1991) of three students’ small and big story writing by using what Chase (2011) calls “content analyses of key

documents” (p. 425). This helped me focus on my research questions by tracking shifts in how experience was narrativized across small and big story narrativizations and how narrativizations of experience were influenced by institutional and interactional factors. I triangulated what students wrote in their journals with what is written in Walkabout documents created by Lincoln staff to again understand what is being entextualized institutionally and interactionally and what is being appropriated individually (see Table

3.11). For example, students use journal prompts, assigned readings, Seminar discourse, written feedback from journal mentors, among other things to inform what they write and continue to write in their journals over time. Thus how students approach topics in their writing does not remain static. The way they approach the writing of their two big stories at the end of Walkabout (the book submission and the Symposium presentation) was thus influenced by all the small story work that preceded it. Recall that Rogoff’s (1995) third plane of activity is participatory appropriation. Identifying those themes that stuck helped me understand what students appropriated over the course of Walkabout.

In my view, English Language Arts teachers often believe that summative writing assignments adequately demonstrate what students have learned, but my analyses of students’ small stories and big stories demonstrates that students often use small stories and big stories for particular purposes. Summative writing assignments may or may not be adequate representations. For example, Walkabout students seem to cater their big stories of Walkabout to institutional expectations, meaning they speak to what they were expected to learn. These institutional expectations may cause them to hide narratives of experience that do not easily reflect the institutional ethos. Small stories demonstrate the

social processes they engaged over time and not just a single summary. Conceptualizing final writings as only a partial view into students’ learning is a thus a significant finding.

It justifies paying attention to the social constructions of opportunities to learn over time.

I do not believe small stories are superior to big stories or vice versa but because each offers a differential glimpse into how students construct narratives of experience over time, combining a small story lens with a big story lens gives a fuller picture. Table 3.9 offers my analytic categories for students’ written narrativizations of experience.

Table 3.9: Analytic system for written small stories and big stories

In constructing analytic tables for students’ writing, I did not rely upon idea units as I did when analyzing discourse moves. Because students’ actively constructed their writing through the inclusion of punctuation, I sought to capture those choices in my analytic tables. As with the analytic tables dedicated to discourse moves, the writing analytic tables move from left to write, going from line numbers to speaker to idea unit to the analytic categories. See Table 3.10.

Table 3.10: Coding journaling interaction between student and mentor

Idea Unit Rins Rint Rep. Eval PC PA PS RC RM RP . . . 1 Heidi In other news, I stapled my O O finger today. 2 No kidding. O O 3 Leslie OH NO—or should I X laugh? 4 Try to avoid doing thatJ X 5 Heidi Literally lodged a staple O O fully into my finger. 6 Which ties into me not O O O O wanting to ask for help because when it happened, Marcus was talking to me about what he wanted me to research. 7 I was absentmindedly O O playing with a stapler and pressed it down on my finger. 8 And it hurt like hell. O O 9 But being me, I didn’t O O O O want to say anything because I’m an idiot so I just waited for him to leave. 10 And then I pulled it out of O my finger and went to the bathroom to wash it. 11 Great times. O O 12 My finger hurts as I type O O this. 13 Be careful with staplers, O kids. 14 Leslie Haha….yesJ make sure X you tell your parents 15 Heidi Today was just incredibly O O boring. Continued

Table 3.10 Continued 16 The show wasn’t O O O particularly interesting and the only “work” I had to do was look up a bunch of stuff about legalizing marijuana for a future show. 17 I really just need to get O O O O O more comfortable and believe that I have a right to be there. 18 Because I do, but right O O O O O O now it feels more like I’m intruding. 19 Taking initiative is hard. O O O O O 20 Leslie This is probably one of X X X X those things that you are already aware of about yourself, but I’m looking forward to see whow you grow in your ability to take initiative. 21 Heidi Whatever. O O 22 I’ll get better. O O O O O 23 See ya tomorrow. O O

As demonstrated in this example, Heidi uses present perfect verbs to give evaluations on past events that continue into the present (lines 6-13, 17-19). Meanwhile, Leslie (her journal mentor) used present tense verbs to emphasize the institutional ethos of transformation over time and to thus look toward the future as where Heidi will gain a greater sense of how to overcome negatives evaluations (line 20). To address my research questions, I looked across narratives bits from narrative settings to see the different ways students performed narratives of experience. See Table 3.11 as an example.

Table 3.11: Student participation across narrative settings

Journal Journal Mentor Seminar Seminar Free comments write Week 1.26.15 1.26: RESONSE TO HEIDI Heidi: difficult Ali shouldn’t be 3 I feel sick sometimes from drinking so much FEELING STUPID/IGNORANT striking a that scary. But (1.23- water. It’s a weird life. ABOUT THE NEWS AND THUS balance. Tough when her name 1.29) THIS JOB: What were your ideas? getting to work is in the title of I definitely feel like my lack of knowledge This is a great example of something on time. the show, I’m of the government and stuff has hindered me you are learning. You are in a news Difficulty wise to wary. in my work. I’m trying to do better by show, but you haven’t had a ton of finding middle Everything I do looking at the news on the computer every background. It is great that you are ground. Not for the show is morning when I get to work. But I usually looking at the news in the morning. good at presented to her don’t understand a lot of it. Sigh. I feel What are other ways you could research. Can’t to scrutinize. stupid. But I’m not. Just ignorant. become more knowledgeable? What search the right would help you come up with ideas things—don’t My heart was One thing is that I really have some OCD for the show? New tech stuff? Latest know how to pounding a bit tendencies when it comes to the organization issues in the news? Would the paper change this and faster than of the scripts on google docs. Maybe it’s a help? Other websites? get better normal when I control thing. I don’t know. results. went into her IN RESONSE TO HEIDI FEELING office. I really Something else that seems to OCD ABOUT THE WORK Leslie: a lot of had no reason to keep popping up is that I pick up on things GOOGLE DOCS PAGE; FEELING my job with feel so uneasy. quickly. I can watch something be done only DISORGANIZED; NEEDING A WAB is Everything she a few times before I feel like I could try it MANAGER: This is a great researching. said was myself. That’s kind of how I feel about the realization. Maybe it is pointing to You are not constructive. podcast but I haven’t been able to do that by some underlying talent that you very good at But when there myself yet. have. I know it seems like a researching so are criticisms to Also, I’m realizing that being contradiction that you have aspects maybe you be given, one tired really interferes with my work. I’m less of your life that are a mess, but I don’t want to can’t help but motivated and it’s harder for me to focus. think it is quite normal. Take my pursue it but feel that they Usually I can get away with being exhausted desk for example;) You know how maybe this is a haven’t in school, but it’s much harder in a crazy it is; yet, I am super particular chance to get achieved or workplace. I need to sleep more. about other things in my life. I think better. completed the you might have some administrative task fully. or editing ability that you may be just learning about. In terms of your acting career, it would be helpful to have a manager, but perhaps over time you will see how you can use this strength in your career.

The work done in Table 3.11, while useful, only offers insights into an isolated period of small story performances. Therefore, I had to broaden my view to cover more time. Table

3.12 offers an example of how I will gather the development of a theme over time, looking across small and big stories.

Table 3.12: Small story and big story developments of a theme

Date Data Excerpt Notes Source 1/13 Journal “After the show, I asked Marcus what he wanted me to do and he told me to take a crack at Okay job #4 writing something. A little intimidating, but it wasn’t much. I wrote the intro to the section of Wants to feel Thursday’s show about Newsies. I think I did an okay job, and Ali and Marcus will probably part of look at it tomorrow. So hopefully they like it . . . I just want to be able to feel like part of the conversation conversation if they’re talking about tax reforms or the real estate market or something. Sigh. Feels stupid I feel really stupid. I’m just uneducated about this stuff. And it’s not like we’re ever taught Blames school anything like this in school.” 1/14 Journal “Marcus asked me to go into Ali’s office and we would take a look at what I wrote on Intimidated by #5 Tuesday. That was pretty intimidating. She’s a very strong woman which is scary to an Ali awkward teenager. She’s very nice though. She basically changed everything I wrote. I Changed what didn’t mind, I just feel like I disappointed her. I probably didn’t, but it still feels that way. she wrote She gave me some good tips for when I write more in the future. Then she found some more Disappointed writing for me to do. She had me write the billboard for a show about hockey next week. . . Looking toward It was surprisingly hard to write. I did my best and they’ll probably look at it tomorrow.” their evaluation tomorrow 1/15 Journal “Some of the negatives of the job. It can be boring at times. The work can be tedious. I can Unclear what she #6 only tape names onto notecards so many times before it gets boring. I also never know what is to do I’m supposed to be doing exactly. That’s probably my fault, but still. I guess another Not fun negative is that it’s not really a job I could ever see myself doing so it’s not very...fun. It just Doesn’t want to feels like I go to work every day, I just don’t get paid. I don’t know. I don’t really want to do do this for 7 it for seven more weeks but I can’t do anything about that. I guess that’s it for today. At least more weeks tomorrow is Friday.” 1/20 Journal “If I’m not sure how to do something, I should ask Marcus or Ali. Ali always seems willing Afraid to #8 to answer any questions I have, but I still find myself being a little afraid of her. Oh yeah, I communicate also put that I want to learn how to write for radio more efficiently. I’ve written a few things Always change so far, but they always move things around or change it. Hopefully I’ll get better at it with her writing practice. I can’t remember what my third goal was. I don’t know. I’m not really enjoying it Speaks to all that much right now so it’s hard to have a plan of action for something you don’t want to practice but also do. Man, I’m always such a downer. *shrug*” to not having a plan 1/22 Journal “Ali stopped by me and asked if I saved the work I had done on the hockey show. And I said More changed #9 no because it was all put directly into the google doc. She said I should make copies in the writing future so we can go over what I wrote together. And lo and behold, when I looked at the Annoyed hockey show, everything I had written was changed completely. I understand that through Feels like she is trial and error I will get better and Ali won’t feel the need to change as much, but right now it wasting her time just annoys me. Like, write it yourself if you know what you want it to say and don’t waste my time. Nothing else fascinating happened today. Though not much ever does.” 1/23 Journal “As for the stages, I’m definitely in the disillusionment stage. Right now I feel like Disillusionment #10 walkabout isn’t all it’s cracked up to be/ I wish I were doing something else. I’m sure I’ll get Won’t be sad to over it. But right now it doesn’t feel like I’ll really be sad to leave...I guess to move forward I leave versus should probably try a little harder to be positive, but that goes against like every part of my telling herself being so I don’t know how that will work out. I also need to remember that I deserve to be she deserves to there. They accepted me and they’re not going to kick me out so I can relax a little. I be there DESERVE TO BE THERE. GAH. Maybe one day I’ll believe it.” 2/10 Journal “Then I asked Marcus what I should do and he said to help him find some sound clips. He Expendable #21 had already found the videos so it was really easy. It took me like 10 minutes. I always feel like I get the jobs that no one else wants to do. Again, I feel expendable. Whatever.” 2/13 Semina From field notes—Heidi: a lot of the grunt work I do is taking away work from others. There Expendable r #7 are two other interns. Feels like she is doing jobs they could do. Example: cleaning up sound clips. Framing this as doing jobs that others don’t want to do. Having a hard time feeling helpful. Feels expendable. Leslie references the interview (WAB placement interview?) inability to get to doing sound clips. Continued

Table 3.12 Continued 2/13 WAB “At first I wasn’t really discouraged because like I didn’t really know what I was doing so I More changed Intervie figured it wasn’t going to be like oh yeah, this is perfect, we want to use it exactly this way, writing w #1 like I get that, but I was just frustrated with Ali specifically, that, she would change Wasting time everything I wrote and, it’s like, I wrote about this, but, it’s like if she has an idea of what she Gets the jobs no wants it to be, either tell me, or write it yourself, you know, Because I feel like then it’s just one else wants wasting my time. Or I’m writing something that they know they’re not going to use . . . So, yeah, I feel like they just think I’m just kinda there, and I do, the laugh-y jobs no one else wants to do, so” 2/25 Journal “Also, about what you said about turning my research into something that gets used. I don’t “I don’t get it” #27 really know if there’s a way to do that. In all of the scripts, there’s a section for research Yes it’s bad to be links. But from what I’ve observed, it doesn’t matter who puts links in, they’re rarely used expendable for anything. I think it’s more for Ali to look at so she knows what we’re referencing to in Helping out the script. But still. I’m not really sure why we have it. And I’m usually asked to research versus miniscule these specific things, so I really don’t know why they do that if they have no use for it. I effect don’t get it. More changed And yes, I think it’s bad if I’m expendable. I feel like I’m wasting their time. And writing my time. I don’t mind freeing up work for someone else, especially Marcus because I know “Don’t waste my how busy he is, but sometimes it’s so simple that it takes no time to do. So I have a job for time” maybe 7 minutes and then I have to ask what else I can do. It just seems that my effect is so minuscule that it doesn’t really matter. . . And immediately after I wrote this, Marcus said I could meet with Ali about my work on Monday’s show. And guess what? She changed everything. It’s barely recognizable as what I did. It’s just extremely frustrating. And then when I was about to leave she said, “Good job!” with a smile on her face. It annoyed me. If I had done a good job, you wouldn’t have very much to change, now would you? Grr. This just reminds me of why I don’t like being here. And I don’t know how I could do better the next time. I’ve realized that she is just one of those people that likes to change things. And she wants what sounds good to her. That’s why I say she should write it herself. But I’ve also realized that she doesn’t know what she wants until she sees someone else do it first. It’s still annoying though. Don’t waste my time.” 2/26 Journal “You asked in my last week of journals how I make myself work hard even when I don’t like Connecting #28 what I’m doing. I’m pretty sure the answer to that is: I don’t. I mean. I guess I do sometimes. motivation to It depends. A lot of times, in school, if there’s a small assignment that I don’t want to do, I work hard to won’t do it. Because I’m okay with accepting the consequences for that. But if it’s a really recognizable big assignment worth a lot of points, I will do it even if it sucks. So I guess it depends on rewards how important it is. Something worth 20% of my grade I will work hard on even if I don’t like it. So maybe I have to have some sort of reward? I’m not sure if that makes sense. Getting/keeping a good grade must be good enough for me to work hard on something. So maybe that’s why I don’t really care about this job. Because I’m not being paid or feel “rewarded” or anything? I don’t know. I guess it’s something to think about.” 2/27 Rough “So remember that you have as much of a right to be there as anybody else. Just because you Advice to Draft may be younger than the other people at your placement doesn’t mean you are stupid or juniors: you have for insignificant. This is something that is so easy to say, but ridiculously hard to overcome if a right to be there WAB you start to feel this way. I have spent too much time at my Walkabout feeling inadequate Says she has Book and like I’m not really being useful. I constantly have to remind myself that I deserve to be wasted too much there.” time feeling inadequate 2/27 Semina Classmates share several small stories on Heidi’s idea that Walkabout is causing her to miss The mundane r #9 out on things. aspects of working for a living 3/12 WAB 8:33: Reacting to things that stuck out: HC: all jobs have negative aspects. HC thinks that’s Sometimes Intervie true. She hopes the positives of a job will outweigh that she has to do some boring paperwork things are hard to w #2 or something. She has not had a job that she loves. Hopes Leslie is right about that one. see when you’re During the first week, it felt more like negatives than positives. Leslie is always so positive in them. and I’m not. Leslie says, “you’re learning,” and I’m like, “Shut up Leslie.” Sometimes things are hard to see when you’re in it. I don’t know what I’m learning. I’m just in it. 5/22 Sympo “Afterward I guess during my free time I would do research for the show or for shows later Mentions script sium that week or in the next week and do some script writing for the show.” writing without the struggles she had.

After identifying a salient theme in each case study students’ narrativizations, I divided the students’ small story narrativizations of that theme into three event series. I analyzed each event series for the narrativizations moves identified in Tables 3.7 and 3.9: tellability of the immediate, construction of identity, and reflective meaning making. This allowed me to track the students’ narrativizations of her most salient theme over time (see

Chapter Six for a full description). I also performed these analyses on the students’ big story narrativizations at the end of Walkabout. This allowed me to understand the factors behinds changes in students’ narrativizations of experience. It also allowed me to make claims regarding how the students’ narrativizations of experience demonstrate what was learned.

Of particular importance to answering my research questions is identifying the use of what Labov and Waletzky (1967) call evaluation, which they define “as that part of the narrative which reveals the attitude of the narrator towards the narrative by emphasizing the relative importance of some narrative units as compared to others (p.

37). I believe one’s evaluation of another’s evaluations is a critical component into how one chooses to continue construct notions of tellability, identity construction, and reflective meaning making. The use of evaluation holds bearing on how a narrative can be shifted from mediate to immediate. The shift from mediate to immediate, in turn, holds bearing on the development of a class culture with which individuals identify.

Through this study, I seek to understand the development of literacy and social practices over time as manifested through two Lincoln students. I seek to problematize the common binary drawn between text and performance by showing the value added of

conceptualizing learning as a social process that produces “textualizing” (Bloome and

Egan-Robertson, 1993, p. 311) rather than only a mediate text. I have done this by analyzing Lincoln’s multiple narrative contexts (journals, placement expectations and evaluations, Seminar, Symposium, interviews, class Walkabout book submission). I believe my analysis shows how writing development is situated socially, specifically how socially constructed literacy practices implicate writing, how writing implicates narratives, how narratives implicate small stories, how small stories implicate reflective talk, how reflective talk implicates meaning making. Throughout this thread of implications is the notion of immediacy, meaning that things are put up for negotiation and that meaning is co-constructed among participants. Such co-construction of meaning is significant because it invites contributions from students, thus positioning them as knowers with out-of-school lives relevant to the learning happening in classrooms. An ethnographic analysis that draws upon microethnographic discourse analysis allowed me to trace the development of these social practices over time and thus allowed me to give full answers to my research questions.

Chapter 4: Apprenticeship of Narrative Development in an Alternative High School

Committed to Experiential Education

In this chapter, I analyze the historical, institutional, and cultural make-up of

Lincoln High School as a setting, particularly its historical, institutional, and cultural practices. I am interested in these practices specific to how teachers and students narrativized experience across the time of Walkabout. I will conduct my analysis by investigating how historical, institutional, and cultural factors are made material by language-in-use during narrativizations of experience, whether spoken or written. In short, I am looking at how students are apprenticed into narrativizing experience in particular ways, specifically the narrative practices of making the immediate tellable, positioning “characters” in narrativizations, and the practice of reflecting on the possible meanings of narrativizations of experience, I hope to answer my first research question:

Research Question 1: How are narratives performances mediated both

institutionally and interactionally during narrativizations of experience

based on the Lincoln Walkabout?

Recall from Chapter Two that I frame my study within sociocultural theory, a framework that explains learning literacy practices as the result of social processes as they emerge institutionally and interactionally in a specific context. Such institutional and interactional processes carry certain affordances and constraints in regards to what is

learned by individuals and groups within a setting. I define learning as how individuals’ or groups’ participation changes over time, specifically how participation in activity changes the way(s) participants participate in later activities. I will thus need to make an analysis of narrative performances in and around the Walkabout Program to illustrate how students are appropriating or rejecting the setting’s preferred methods for narrativizing experience.

The Sociocultural Context of the Walkabout Program

I will begin with a description of Lincoln High School and the Walkabout

Program, specifically the historical, institutional, and cultural characteristics influencing how teaching and learning is done there. This study focuses on the experiences of

Lincoln students participating in Walkabout during the second semester of senior year.

The History of Lincoln Alternative Program and the Beginning of Walkabout

I am indebted to three individuals for teaching me about the history of the Lincoln

Alternative Program. Leslie, at the start of this study (August, 2013), was in her 21st year as the Walkabout Director and in her 31st year as an English teacher for Waverly Schools.

Chase was starting his second year as the teacher-director of Lincoln Alternative Program and his 27th year as an English teacher at Lincoln Alternative. Wes, former teacher- director of Lincoln for 21 years and an English teacher in Waverly Schools for 38 years, retired since 2012, kindly agreed to give me an oral history of Lincoln and Walkabout.

In the early Seventies, the city of Waverly experienced rapid growth. This rapid growth coincided with what Wes labels as a “progressive time in education.” Storefront schools in Chicago garnered a lot of attention. Public schools took over empty storefronts

and offered education on a drop-in basis. At this time there was only one high school in the Waverly district, and it was being remodeled. Meanwhile, the Waverly boom continued. The Waverly School Board determined that even when the remodel was done, there wouldn’t be enough space for students. At the time, Lincoln was an elementary school, but only one of its rooms was being used. The school district’s issues with overcrowding plus the fact that there was an available building plus the fact that there were teachers that wanted to try something new provided an opportunity that lead to the

Lincoln Alternative Program.

Lincoln started as a voluntary program, meaning students could come with parent permission. The building was not in the best condition, so according to Wes, “You chose to do it, so don’t complain to us.” The first staff consisted of seven members. There was no custodian and no secretary. Quickly, the staff realized they needed a secretary. The first staff settled on three educational commitments that continue to define Lincoln today:

1. A commitment to the classroom, meaning everyone on the staff should teach.

This is why the administrator position is teacher-director. The guidance

counselor also teaches. Everyone is doing something in the classroom.

2. A commitment to democratic education. Students should be given as many

decisions in the educational process as possible.

3. A commitment to experiential education: get students out of the classroom

and into the real world and do part of their education in those environments,

whatever they may be.

The Lincoln Alternative Program officially opened in fall of 1973. While there was a dedication to experiential education, the Walkabout Program did not yet exist. The

Program was committed to community service and getting kids out in the real world to do things, but some things weren’t very formalized.

By the late Seventies, the staff was looking at the second semester of the senior year as not being very fruitful. Kids weren’t doing much. Kids already had all of their credits to graduate. They had already submitted their college applications. Ethan Shaw, a science teacher at Lincoln, became aware of research by Maurice Gibbons (Gibbons,

1974). Gibbons contrasted the rite of passage to adulthood in western education— walking across a stage and getting a diploma to the Aboriginal Walkabout. Gibbons argued that education should consist of four-year cycles (culminating in 4th grade, 8th grade, and 12th grade) where the years had the following characteristics:

• Year 1: almost all classroom didactic instruction.

• Year 2: a little more exploratory but still classroom heavy

• Year 3: much more exploratory and experiential

• Year 4: total immersion into applying what was known in the real world.

Ethan Shaw introduced these ideas to the Lincoln staff. They decided there was no way they could do the whole thing as envisioned by Gibbons. Still, liking Gibbons’ ideas but uncertain about how to proceed, they invited Gibbons to come speak to the staff.

As luck would have it, a student at the main campus of Waverly High School represented a possible path. This boy had a huge interest in hot air ballooning. He had worked with people that ran the Goodyear blimps out of Akron, Ohio. One of the

Goodyear airships had gone down in France, and the people from Akron were going there to help reconstruct it. The folks at Goodyear invited this boy to come to France with them and spend 6-8 weeks fixing the fallen dirigible. The boy went before the administration at

Waverly High School seeking to gain permission to receive credits toward graduation by working with Goodyear in France. They turned him down, but they suggested he take his case to the staff at Lincoln. The student came and talked to the staff at Lincoln. They were already considering the idea of Walkabout. When this boy came to them, the staff used his case to write a proposal to the school district, seeking permission to pilot the

Walkabout Program. Approval was granted. This boy went to France with Goodyear and completed the first Walkabout in Lincoln’s history.

For the first few years, Walkabout was done on an application only basis by

Lincoln seniors, meaning it was not something done by all Lincoln students. In the application, students had to explain how they would be able to complete a Walkabout experience. By the late Eighties, there was enough experience with the Walkabout

Program that almost everyone on the Lincoln staff was of the position that Walkabout was such a valuable educational experience that every senior at Lincoln should do it. It moved from optional program to the norm.

As it has evolved, a greater emphasis has been put on helping students reflect on their experiences. A major factor for this focus on reflection came from Ethan Shaw, who took a sabbatical from Lincoln to do his own Walkabout. Already an avid journal writer,

Shaw was four to five weeks into his experience before he felt he’d reached the level of reflection that he hoped students would reach through Walkabout.

In the past forty years, the Walkabout Program has been coordinated by Ellen

Moore (1975-1990), Pam Zelinsky (1991-2003) and then by Leslie (2004-present). Prior to being the Walkabout coordinator, Leslie was the assistant coordinator from 1994-2003.

Each of these women worked to expand opportunities on what students can do with

Walkabout, while maintaining its roots in reflection on experience. One way this has been done is by increasing the feedback students receive on their journals. Technology and social media have vastly changed the experience for the student. Lincoln used to send the student out for the nine-week experience, for example to Seattle. The student wrote his/her journals for a few weeks and sent them back. A member of the staff would read them, think about them for a day, and then send a response back to Seattle. The communication was not as tight. Students were way more isolated. Now, nearly every senior class opens up a website. Kids Face-Time each other every night and thus students placed around the world still communicate with immediacy. Students get a lot more feedback than they used to get. They can almost get daily feedback now. This is aided by the requirement of five to seven journal entries each week, two to three of these being required, and all of these are subject to frequent responses from a faculty mentor.

Teachers’ Roles in Walkabout

While I studied Chase and his College Composition class for my larger project, this dissertation is focused on narrativizations of experience in and around Walkabout and thus I will focus on the two coordinators of Walkabout: Leslie and Abby. Abby, at the time of this study, was in her fourth year as a math teacher for Lincoln Alternative

(this is her first teaching job) and in her second year as a co-director of the Walkabout

Program. She holds a B.A. in Integrated Mathematics and an M.Ed. in Mathematics

Education, both degrees from a nearby major Midwestern university. She teaches courses in Math I, PDM (Pre-calculus and Discrete Mathematics). While she helped gain

Walkabout placements for half of the Walkabout students and while she was present for most Walkabout Seminars, she played a lesser role in regards to the overall planning and execution of the Walkabout Seminar.

Leslie, as has been previously mentioned, was in her 21st year as the Walkabout

Director and in her 31st year as an English teacher for Waverly Schools at the beginning of my study. She has taught a wide variety of courses at Lincoln, including the following:

World Cinema, Contemporary American Literature, Poetry, Essential Books, Writing

Workshop, Film Adaptations, Senior Composition, Creative Case Studies, TV

Revolution, Decades, Contemporary Issues, TED Talks, and New York Literature (a class that includes a field trip to New York City and the sites read about in the literature studied). She holds two degrees from a major Midwestern university: a BS in English

Education and an MA in Speech, Theatre, and English Education. Leslie started her teaching career in traditional public schools, seven years at a building exclusively dedicated to freshmen and then three years at a large high school. When Wes, her mentor teacher during student teaching, became the Teacher-Director of Lincoln, he invited

Leslie to apply. Leslie jumped on the opportunity. She says she’s always been attracted to

Lincoln because of its small size and its philosophical vision towards flexibility when striving to meet the needs of students. This flexibility extends to how things are offered.

So many courses available at Lincoln are not available at other schools.

During an interview, Leslie indicated that every Lincoln teacher knows every

Lincoln student by name for four years. As opposed to her experience at larger schools, where “sometimes I would have kids as a sophomore teacher and then I would never have them again,” Lincoln’s size allows for “a lot of contact.” Leslie says she’ll often have the same student in her classes multiple times during their four years or she’ll have a student in class and then help that student with their Walkabout placement senior year.

Leslie says reflection on experiences with students are constantly used as a tool to guide future instruction and interactions with students:

We actually have staff meetings where we actually talk about kids. I mean

we try to find out what’s working and how to help kids which a lot of big

school staff meeting is very administrative, like what you have to do, but

we actually spend a lot of time focusing on intervention so I think most

kids feel like maybe they have an advocate who is trying to help them here

whereas maybe you don’t feel that way so much sometimes when you’re

just part of a huge high school. (interview)

Student Participants in the Walkabout

As previously mentioned, all Walkabout students were seniors at the time of the study. Most of these students were leaving for college at regional liberal arts colleges, but a fair number of these seniors also planned to take a year off from schooling. The seniors were very friendly with each other due to having a long history together. Most of them had been together for four years at Lincoln. Many of them had been together prior to that in various middle schools. I will now give a brief introduction to each of the case study

students. More information on one of these students, Cheryl, is available in Chapter 6 where I discuss her individual appropriation of various narrative moves.

Renae. She spent her first Walkabout doing two things: 1) interning with Dress for Success, a non-profit program dedicated to providing professional clothes to working women and 2) interning with a state representative at the State House where she was able to draft a bill about banning conversion therapy among adolescents. She spent her second

Walkabout working at a hostel in Portugal. Renae was not in the College Composition course I studied but she was one of the most vocal participants in the weekly Seminar meeting. I do not have any of Renae’s journals and I never interviewed her. She almost shared her journals with me but decided not to because she was meeting with a therapist

(Lincoln’s guidance counselor) and said she used her journal as a way to process her therapy sessions. She was proud of the fact that she was working three jobs while in school. She often spoke of being willing to not spend time with friends to chase her dreams, including going to Portugal. She was a vocal advocate for gender and LGBT issues. I have included her as a case study student because of her participation in Seminar afforded many rich moments. See Chapter 5 for an example.

Heidi. She was strongly recommended to me by Chase, the College Composition teacher and teacher-director of Lincoln. She was consistently one of the strongest writers in that class. Participation in drama was a major part of her identity as was being a self- described “downer” (pessimist). In fact, she was often hesitant to appropriate the feedback she received to her narrativizations and that’s why I included her as a case study student. See Chapter 5 for an example. She played the role of Martha (the chambermaid)

in the main high school’s production of The Secret Garden opposite one of her best friends who played the lead of Mary Lennox. Many of her narrativizations are about not fitting in at her placement on local NPR-affiliated radio show and about being slighted by the play director for having to sing her “solo” while dressing Mary Lennox on stage. She often narrativized about how Walkabout made her feel displaced from her theatre friends.

During Walkabout, her friendship with the girl playing Mary Lennox declined sharply and caused Heidi to often be sad. She was a big fan of the actor Benedict Cumberbatch.

She went to see Imitation Game at the theatre multiple times during the winter of senior year and said she always cried at the end. At the end of senior year, she looked forward to a career in acting, possibly voice acting. She left Lincoln to attend a large state university majoring in theatre. She spent her first Walkabout as an intern at a local NPR radio show dedicated to current events and politics. She spent her second Walkabout as a wardrobe intern on the set of a John Travolta movie being filmed in town.

Cheryl. She often narrativized about her regret for spending so much of her high school experience as being shy and too afraid to initiate friendships. For instance, Cheryl reported that she waited for others to be her friend rather than trying to be a friend to others, and she talked about often being depressed in previous years but that senior year had been the “best.” She was reluctant to leave Lincoln when things were so good. She left to major in vocal performance (opera) at one of the best vocal performance schools in the country. She was one of thirty accepted out of 500 applicants. Cheryl applied to many of the country’s best music schools and was admitted into all of them. She spent her first

Walkabout interning at a local urban organic farm. She spent her second Walkabout

interning at music archive in New York City while also participating in the Cosmopolitan

Youth Opera Program and taking voice lessons from two different teachers there. In her journals, she often narrativized about her voice teachers and her evaluation of her own abilities. She was a very reflective writer. I have included her as a case study student because of her willingness to turn feedback to her narrativizations into action.

Walkabout: Learning Through Reflection on Experience

In Walkabout, students are free to pursue nearly any interest. Maurice Gibbons said to students, “You have a major responsibility for what you learn. We will show you how and give you all the training and practice and support that we can but learning is your job – now and throughout your life” (school website). The school sees this shift to self-reliance as one of the characteristics of transitioning into adulthood. In fact, the transition to adulthood is a major focus of the school-sanctioned social and literacy practices surrounding Walkabout. The school website says:

The Lincoln “Walkabout” program, which derives its name from the

Australian aboriginal rite of passage from adolescence to adulthood, marks

a transition from youth and school to adulthood and community life. It is

designed to develop the skills, attitudes and values of responsible

adulthood. Central to the program is the belief that being tested in a

classroom setting doesn’t prove the ability to apply the knowledge. The

test of Walkabout, and of life, is not what a student can do under a

teacher’s direction, but what he or she can do as an individual.

While some have traveled across the world (working in places like a Haitian orphanage, an Ecuadorian farm, a Sri Lankan monastery, or a Serbian theatre), others have stayed close to home to work in places such as a community theatre, a local public radio station, a non-profit, a nursing home, an organic farm, or a bridal shop. See below for a list of selection of recent Walkabouts done by Lincoln students:

Appalachian Trail: eight-week hike Illinois: theater and playwriting

Arizona: humanitarian aid Iowa: special needs education

Australia: animal care Ireland: artist exchange

Bolivia: orphanage Ireland: radio broadcast

Bulgaria: English Education Israel: zoo work

California: comedy club Italy: art history

California: computer programming Michigan: ecology and conservation

Canary Islands: marine biology Nepal: community relief

Costa Rica: conservation Netherlands: chocolatiering; art

Ecuador: Amazon plant Nevada: natural history museum harvesting/growing New York: illustration agency

England: museum N. Carolina: yoga immersion

Florida: Habitat for Humanity Ohio: National Public Radio

France: language and culture Ohio: Psychology research

Germany: photography Puerto Rico: zip line tours

Haiti: orphanage Serbia: National Theatre

Iceland: ecology volunteer South Africa: primate rescue

Walkabout students truly go everywhere, but where they go is positioned as of little importance compared to reflecting on experience as a way to know how to live in the world.

Walkabout placement does not go well. The frequent voicing of this expression is one way that students are encouraged to reflect upon what Walkabout is teaching them about who they are and who they can become, especially when their experiences do not match their ideal.

Units of Study during Walkabout

The semester at Waverly was divided into two nine-week blocks. Each nine-week block typically represented one Walkabout placement although there were exceptions for this. For example, Renae spent her first nine weeks dividing her hours at two placements:

Dress for Success and at the State House. Also, the time periods of nine weeks and nine weeks weren’t always consistent. This just depended on the requirements of each student’s placement. For example, Cheryl spent six weeks at her urban organic farm placement and then over ten weeks at her youth opera/musical archive placement in New

York City because the youth opera program had a specific start date that didn’t perfectly align with the Walkabout calendar. All such issues were worked out by the student, the

Walkabout Coordinator (either Leslie or Abby), and the people at the placement.

Despite such individual adaptations, Walkabout was organized according to these two nine-week blocks. Figure 4.1 illustrates the basic trajectory of each nine-week block according to topics for reflection. Week 9 was a transition period between Walkabout placements. It was also the time when students wrote their proposals for the second

Walkabout. During each nine-week block, students were required to work at their site at least 30 hours, write journals five to seven days a week, and for those in town, attend the weekly two-hour Seminar.

Week 3 Week 4 Week 2 Week 1 What are you learning about the Are you surprised by Do you have any anythng you see What is your initial feelings of experience? placement, the experience, and coming through your inadequacy? journals? yourself?

Week 8 Week 5 Week 6 Week 7 Think about what you have What did you learn about What are you thinking, How are you different than learned. What are the areas yourself, your mentor, and of disappointment, struggle, the organization by doing feeling about our upcoming you were at the beginning of graduation and your future? this nine weeks? growth, accomplishment, the evaluation? excitement?

Figure 4.1: Chain of topics for reflection in Seminar discussions

Writing Assignments. Across the two Walkabout placements, students participated in multiple writing assignments: proposals, goals, journals, free-writes, evaluations, the Symposium presentation, and the Walkabout book submission. For this study, I will focus predominately on the journal, the Symposium presentation, and the individual submission to the class Walkabout book.

Journals. Students write journals five to seven days a week and send them to their journal advisor for feedback. Journal advisors are instructed to provide feedback that will “help students contemplate what [students] are learning” (“Walkabout Nuts and

Bolts and Dates” handout) in and out of their placement. Every week, students must respond to two to three required journal prompts. For example, “How does the

Walkabout reality compare with your expectations?” (“Walkabout Journal Prompts” handout).

Students write journals five to seven days a week and send them to their journal advisor for feedback. Journal advisors are instructed to provide feedback that will “help students contemplate what [students] are learning” (“Walkabout Nuts and Bolts and

Dates” handout) in and out of their placement. Every week, students must respond to two to three required journal prompts. For example, “How does the Walkabout reality compare with your expectations?” (“Walkabout Journal Prompts” handout).

Symposium Presentation. Although this is a presentation, it is heavily rehearsed and thus I am including it as a writing assignment. After returning from Walkabout, students create, practice, revise, and finally give four public presentations on their

Walkabout. Two of these presentations are for Lincoln underclassman and thus help

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perpetuate to Lincoln students the tellability of experiences as a way of knowing. Two are for the “Waverly” community and thus help perpetuate Lincoln as a place that values experiential learning. Students are asked to address these three focal points in their presentations: 1) Where I was, whom I was with, and what I did 2) What I learned about the subject or topic, the people, and the process 3) How am I different for having done this Walkabout? How have I changed since January? What have I learned about myself?

(“Symposium Preparation” handout).

Individual Submission to the Class Walkabout Book. Each student was required to submit a written piece to the class Walkabout book. Each student’s piece was to address the following two minimum requirements: 1) describe at least two experiences they had during Walkabout and 2) be reflective in nature. Answer the question, “What meaning(s) have you made through your experiences and reflections?” (“Your Piece for the 2015 Walkabout Book” handout). Students were given a list of reflective questions to consider as possible triggers for the writing of their piece. Students were encouraged to review their journals for possible topics and/or themes. Each submission was to be at least 3-5 pages long. Students presented drafts of these written pieces for peer review during the weekly Seminar meeting. The individual pieces were collected in a book. Each student was to be given a digital copy of the book.

Instructional Conversations (Seminar). Seminar was a weekly two-hour meeting. Walkabout students with “in-town” placements were required to attend. For the first Walkabout session, 24 out of 28 students were in town. For the second Walkabout session, 13 out of 28 students were in town. Due to number of students as well as

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scheduling issues, two different Seminars were run during the first placement: one on

Tuesday mornings (4 students) and one on Friday mornings (20 Students). Discussions began with predetermined topics such as “Do you have any feelings of inadequacy?” or

“What are you learning about the placement, the experience, and yourself?” (“Walkabout

Journal Prompts” handout). Such questions prompted students to pair their feelings and impressions with narrativizations of recent experiences. Seminars also incorporated a writer’s workshop focus to help students prepare a submission for the class Walkabout book. Students presented drafts of their book submission and received feedback to help revisions.

Influence of the Discipline of Reflections on Experience As a Way of Knowing.

An important element of the Walkabout experience is engaging in spoken and written reflections on experience. Reflection as a way of knowing is a social practice

(Newell, Bloome, and Hirvela, 2015) because the practices described above are shared, learned, evolved over time, located historically, and are connected to other social practices (pp. 15-16). All of these social practices help espouse the school’s John Dewey ethos: “We do not learn from experience . . . we learn from reflecting on experience”

(cited in “Walkabout Journal Prompts” handout). This quotation appears at the top of the students’ handout explaining the journal expectations for Walkabout. Two to three of the weekly journals are required, meaning that all students write on the same prompt. For example, a required journal prompt for Week 1 asks, “How does your Walkabout reality compare with your expectations? Include your feelings and anxieties.” Students are required to share their daily journals with a Lincoln teacher who the student has asked to

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serve as his or her journal mentor. The journal mentor reads the students’ journals and provides feedback and questions. These responses are typically done through email.

Students with local Walkabouts meet together once a week in Seminar. In the first hour of Seminar, they discuss the experiences they are having in their different sites. This gives students a chance to decompress from what is often a stressful array of new experiences such as co-workers, bosses, punctuality, repetitive and mundane tasks, and separation from friends and family. These discussions are often framed around an article that they read together. Examples of articles discussed included “Get Off Automatic

Pilot” by Elaine St. James (1996), “What Can I Learn From Doing ‘Grunt Work?’” by

Caine (1994), an adapted book excerpt called “Stages of an Internship” by Sweitzer and

King (1999), “Can We Reclaim Time to Think” by Wheatley (2001), and a commencement address given by the famous novelist David Foster Wallace to Kenyon

College in 2005, and republished shortly after his suicide in 2008.

In the second hour of seminar, students participate in a writer’s workshop. During the first eight weeks, they engage in free-writes about their Walkabout experiences.

These free-writes are connected to some of the readings above as well as others such as

Lamott (1994), Orozco (2003), O’Brien (1990), Alvarez (2003), as well as excerpts from

Elbow (1973) and Heard (1995). In the second eight weeks, the writing workshop transitions into helping students prepare a submission for the class Walkabout Book.

Students prepare drafts based on experiences first written about in their Walkabout journals and/or Seminar free writes. The submission is to focus on what the student learned or on how they grew while on Walkabout.

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In the writer’s workshop, students receive oral feedback from their peers and teachers. These polished pieces are later collected in a class Walkabout Book. The intentions of the book are to give the students a permanent record of their class’s

Walkabout experience and to represent Walkabout to an audience unfamiliar with

Walkabout or experiential learning. The submission for the class Walkabout book differs from the journals in that students aren’t writing about an ongoing evaluation and positioning of the who, what, where, and when of their Walkabout experiences but are instead presenting a final report of what they have learned. This gives the submission for the class Walkabout book a sense of finality regarding what was learned whereas the journals speak to what the students are learning in the moment, representing big and small story narrativizations respectively. See “Your Piece for the 2015 Walkabout Book” handout in Appendix A3.

Lincoln’s reflective social practices position students as agents capable of charting their own educational course and using narrative to make meaning of experiences. Walkabout’s multiple “narrative environments” (Gubrium and Holstein,

2009; Chase, 2011) prompt students to narrativize themselves in the larger world and then reflect on those narrativizations. Leslie points out that oftentimes the changes made by students on Walkabout are seemingly small, like learning how to make cold-calls, to be on time, to navigate a city, etc. but she believes guiding students to recognize meaning in those seemingly small experiences can be profound, even transformational:

Sometimes [students] want, they want the big thing, they want kind of the

you know, I went to another country and learned this language or

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something like that, taught a kid how to do something, and they don’t they

don’t understand the value of some of the smaller, seemingly smaller,

maybe even, maybe in some ways even more transformational, I don’t

know. Like some of those smaller things are actually life-long changes

they had no idea they were making. (Interview, February 9, 2015).

Leslie’s comment that students often don’t recognize that the “smaller things are actually life-long changes” supports the value of reflecting on experience (Dewey, 1970;

Rosenblatt, 1995). Without taking the time to reflect upon experiences, their value would likely be lost.

A person might say senior students will be out of school learning from experience in just a few months, why have them do Walkabout while in school? A Lincoln teacher named Mike answered this question by asking one of his own, “For your first trip out of a space station, would you like to be tethered to the space station, or you just want to put a rocket on your back and take off and hope that you make it?” (4/24/15 interview). He went on to describe that tether as being the daily journal, the weekly Seminar, and the end-of-year Symposium presentations.

Leslie answered this question by referencing narrative examples often mentioned in Seminar of the difference Walkabout made for several past students. Because of space considerations, I’ll just mention one here. One girl almost didn’t go on Walkabout. She had no plans to go to college. Her future plans were nebulous at best. She had one major interest, ceramics. Leslie set up a Walkabout placement for her to study ceramics at a local college. The girl took the placement and thrived. Four years later she graduated with

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a degree in Ceramics. Says Leslie, “I don’t know what she would have done without it,

I’m not saying she wouldn’t have done it, that confidence she developed was something she didn’t have before she went through that” (2/9/15 interview).

Tensions Associated with Reflection as a Way of Knowing. Reflection on experience as a way of knowing gained attention with Rosenblatt’s (1938) transactional theory for reading literature. She argued that a text’s meaning was not within the text but was within the reader’s interaction with the text. Despite this oft-cited work, the field of

English Language Arts has struggled to realize methods that allow teachers and researchers to gather evidence that proves the value of reflection on experience. Lincoln has realized at least two tensions with reflection on experience as a way of knowing:

Reflection on experience is hard to measure. Current Lincoln teacher-director,

Chase, argues that it would be impossible to establish the Lincoln Alternative Program today, simply because the world of education has adopted so many practices with the intent of measuring both student and teacher performance. They agree with scholars who argue that not all learning can be measured; sometimes growth is demonstrated by “a pattern rather than a number” (Agar, 2013, p. 17). Both Chase and Leslie recognize that not all people believe in Lincoln’s experiential focus. Leslie, however, argues that

Walkabout prompts a very important type of growth in students:

You can see the way our students change when they come back from

being on Walkabout. You can see it in their reflective writing, and you can

see it in conversations with them, but it’s not something we necessarily

can measure exactly. Because growth, because you know, academic

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growth, you know like cognitive growth is one thing. That’s only one kind

of growth, but growth that means you’ve matured or like you’ve learned

to, deal with a difficult situation or that you’ve learned to persevere

through hardship, that’s a totally different kind of thing that actually I

would argue is much more long-lasting growth, than growth that comes

from spending time focused on, you know, just being able to do well on a

standardized test. So I wouldn’t say that, I mean, in our school you’re

always going to have classroom, you know what takes place in the

classroom is important, and what takes place outside of the classroom is

important. I would never say that, you know, that one of these, like

outranks the other (Interview, March 21, 2014).

Although Leslie talks of growth as something “you can see” when students return from

Walkabout, I witnessed cases of students who rarely wrote in their journals or who rarely/never spoke up in Seminar unless questioned directly. Many students stopped writing journals the last 3-4 weeks of Walkabout. Despite such shortcomings of participation, these students still received passing grades for the “requirements” of

Walkabout. Leslie often justified such passing due to the fact that she knew the students in question were attending their placement, were receiving good evaluations from their mentors, and ultimately were likely changing by participating. Lincoln teachers can tell you stories of students who were greatly changed for the better by going on Walkabout and participating in the reflective narrations on experience. Still I witnessed some students whose “growth” was ill defined, at least in the time frame of Walkabout.

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For example, a girl named Cass who was interested in social work did her first

Walkabout at a “house” for local victims of sex trafficking. Her mentor was a former

Walkabout student at Lincoln who now had a career in social work. She was very excited to give back to the school she believes has given her so much. Nevertheless, upon doing

Cass’s four-week evaluation, Cass’s mentor wrote Leslie a 425-word email detailing how

Cass was very immature, even childish at her placement, saying that Cass would rarely do anything other than watch television. She described Cass as “falling into more of a client role than a staff role in the facility.” The mentor emphasized that actual clients were her first priority and that she couldn’t engage in “hand-holding” with Cass. Leslie went back and forth about sharing the message with Cass. Ultimately she never did, concerned that Cass might not be able to withstand the criticism. She held her tongue, believing that while Cass didn’t do well at her placement, failure is a valuable experience for learning. Belief in the value of failing is a common one at Lincoln.

Institutional and interactional constraints may constrain students’ narrativizations. During my study, only one student resisted the writing of journals in a major way. Jeremy didn’t write any journals for this first placement (an intern with a cabinet-maker) and only five entries for his second placement (assistant to a traveling preacher). In an interview, Jeremy revealed aspects of his identity, namely his religious identity (“Church Jeremy”) that he claimed he had not shared with his teachers and classmates during the previous 3 ½ years. He called the identity he had performed at

Lincoln a “façade” to what he considered his true identity. Over the course of an interview with me, he identifies four types of Jeremys that he says he “performs”:

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Lincoln Jeremy, KHS-friends-Jeremy, Boy Scout Jeremy, and Church Jeremy. The fact that he is performing different identities in different contexts verifies what past scholars have said about how individuals construct identity contextually. For example,

Georgakopoulou and Goutsos (1997), say, “Contextual variation affects and shapes not only the ways in which a story is evaluated, but also the story’s point” (p. 132). I asked

Jeremy to characterize the different Jeremys. He spoke about his perception of being

Church Jeremy while at Lincoln. (See Transcript 4.1).

Transcript 4.1: March 6: Research interview with Jeremy

______Speaker Idea Unit 105 Jeremy but like you know people (5) 106 and and in past senior quote things on the walls 107 you know how when all the seniors leave they put= 108 Larkin Right 109 Jeremy the quote on the wall? 110 Larkin yeah 111 Jeremy In past years I've seen <"Oh at Lincoln you, you can come out of your shell and> be yourself and" ((makes pumping motion with closed fist)) 112 like I feel like when I'm here 113 or when I was here I was more (1) in my shell 114 I guess, 115 I don't know 116 I didn't really have like (2) 117 with fitting in whatever group I could find 120 and then when I was unable to do that I was like alone 121 Larkin Uh-huh 122 Jeremy Um and 123 Larkin so you felt like you had to maintain a certain appearance 124 or you couldn't share certain parts of yourself 125 Jeremy yeah yeah 126 especially especially Church Jeremy ((points his finger at me)) 127 Larkin uh-huh 128 Jeremy because the the people here 129 at this school 130 are like if you even so much as mention God Continued

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Transcript 4.1 Continued 131 you'll get either (1) like a huge argument will spawn 132 like how uh ((alters voice)) "Christians are sexist or racist" 133 or you're um, "God doesn't exist" 134 or “blah-blah-blah”, because 135 Larkin right 136 Jeremy that's just the environment of this school 137 it's like (1) it seems very anti-God ______

Part of Jeremy’s maturation, according to Jeremy, is learning to be proud of his religious identity. Perhaps this represents a missed opportunity since a co-constructed narrative of religion at Lincoln would have allowed him and his classmates to enter into a dialogue and thus influence each other’s thinking. For example, when Jeremy later practiced his

Symposium presentations, he proclaimed his religious faith, but did it in a way where he declared that those who didn’t follow God by repenting of their sins would go to Hell. A fellow Walkabout student named Renae was in attendance. She encouraged him to make his presentation about his experience rather than about what others should do. This is an example of what Bruner (1991) calls worldmaking, where notions of self are negotiable according to the interpretations of others.

Institutional Influence on Context

As I’ve discussed, Lincoln students come to value learning and knowing through reflection on experiences. A school ethos rooted in Dewey (1916; 1938) has an influence on the social practices students engage during their education there, particularly during

Walkabout. In Chapter 5, I will make an analysis of instructional oral and written conversations to make material the institutional and interactional factors on how Lincoln students narrativized experience during guided practice.

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Chapter 5: How Interaction Guides Participation in Seminar and Journal Narrativizations

In this chapter I will focus on my second research question: How do teachers and students, through interactions with each other over time, guide the practices of constructing identities and warranting reflections in particular ways during both the

Walkabout Seminar and the Walkabout journal exchanges? In Walkabout, the guided practice is largely concerned with reflection and making meaning of narrativizations of experience. I will examine how the recursive practices of narrativizing experiences in both talk and in writing are done and how these recursive practices prepare students to narrativize their experiences in particular ways. Specifically, I will demonstrate how teachers and students provide each other with written and oral guided practice (Rogoff,

1995) regarding the performance of narratives of experience.

I will present a discourse analysis of language-in-use during Seminar instructional conversations and during student/mentor journal interactions. I will use two key events: excerpts from one Seminar instructional conversation and one student/mentor journal interaction for a total of two key events. These events come from the first weeks of

Walkabout and show how guided practice functions during Walkabout.

These key events regarding how to narrativize experience stand as telling cases

(Mitchell, 1984) because the teachers provided guided feedback on alternative means of interpreting the value/meaning of the tellers’ narratives. See table 5.1 for when the different Seminar instructional conversation and student/mentor journal interactions took

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place. These event series act as typical cases (Mitchell, 1984) of how oral and written instructional conversations occurred across the time of Walkabout.

Table 5.1: Key interactional events for Seminar and Walkabout journals

Seminar instructional conversations Student/mentor journal interactions Event # & Participants Event # & Participants Date(s) Date(s) #1 Tuesday Seminar (review #2 Heidi/Leslie of Renae’s first week) 1/20 1/8, 1/9, 1/12, 1/13, 1/14, 1/15

I turn to the concept of instructional chains (VanDerHeide & Newell, 2013) to show how students were guided to narrativize their experiences in particular ways. Table

5.2 below looks across the 18 weeks of Walkabout. It shows all the planned Seminar discussion topics and required journal prompts given to help students reflect on the meaning(s) of their experiences. Each of these reflective narrative prompts are relevant for understanding how students were guided to prepare for their big story Symposium presentation and big story submission to the class Walkabout book at the end of

Walkabout, but perhaps more importantly, also how to think about their initial interpretations of their experiences. Recall from Chapter 2 that the term big story refers to organized, deliberately planned narrativizations, meaning not narratives that result from immediate social interactions. Reviewing the assigned discussion topics and required journal prompts week by week demonstrates certain topics for students to reflect upon and speak and write about: expectations, disappointment, positives, negatives, history of the site, goals, initiative, inadequacy, self-awareness, learning, growth, stagnation,

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change, confidence, reflection on the past, projection of the future, and accomplishment among others.

Table 5.2: Instructional chain of guided participation in Walkabout with key events

Topic Assign- Journal Seminar ment Week 1 (1/12-1/25) Fill out the goals sheet. X How does the Walkabout reality compare to your X expectations? How was your first week of Walkabout? X Is there a right way to give a hug? X “Shitty First Drafts” by Lamott X “Giving Movies of Your Mind” by Elbow X Week 2 (1/26-2/1) Research the organization. X Reflect on your goals. X Stages of an Internship reflection X Do you have any feelings of inadequacy? X Reflect on your goals. X What do you want to accomplish during the walkabout X and why? What are your reflections about being away from X Lincoln? “Stages of an Internship” handout X How are the journals going? X “Freewriting and Intro to Cooking” by Elbow X “Snow” by Alvarez X “From Onion to My Grandmother” by Heard X Week 3 (2/2-2/8) Upcoming mentor evaluations X Reflect on Stages of an Internship piece X How does your “job” fit into the overall view of the X organization? What are you finding out about yourself? X What are you learning about the placement, the X experience, and yourself? What about personality that you are surprised at? X Challenged by? What do you see as your greatest strength? X What can you do to make this a learning experience? X “The Things They Carried” by O’Brien X “The Education of the Eye: Staring” by Heard X Continued

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Table 5.2 Continued Week 4 (2/9-2/15) Reread your journals. X Set up the evaluation with your mentor. Fill out your X evaluation. Write a response after reading your previous journals. X Third Eye Journal: X Reflect on the Stages of an Internship sheet X Surprised by anything you see coming through in your X journals? “Can We Reclaim Time to Think?” X “Orientation” by Orozco X Week 5 (2/16-2/22) Learn about yourself, mentor, and organization by doing X X evaluation? Current blocks to being effective in your current X situation? “What Can I Learn From Doing Grunt Work: A Case of X Frustration” Week 6 (2/23-3/1) Look over your goal sheet. X What are your thoughts and feelings about departing X X from Lincoln? What do you need to do in order to achieve your goals? X Thoughts and feelings about your upcoming graduation X and future? Review of 2 rough drafts for class Walkabout book X Week 7 (3/3-3/9) The most important thing you have learned about X X yourself? How you’re different than at the beginning of the nine X X weeks? How does your personal style help you and/or hinder X X you? Take one more look at your goals. Thoughts? X What personal styles have emerged during this time? X Review of 4 rough drafts for class Walkabout book X Week 8 (3/9-3/15) Write a thank you note to your mentor. X What would you do differently? Why? X Most concerned about moving forward to next X Walkabout? Why? What would your mentor say about your contributions? X Final evaluations/ thank you notes/ what you have X learned. Continued

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Table 5.2 Continued Week 9 (3/16-3/22) During break, write proposal and get a new journal X advisor Week 10 (3/23-3/29) Same assignment as Week 1 X Same journal prompts as Week 1 X Same topics for reflection as Week 1 X Review of 1 rough draft for class Walkabout book X Week 11 (3/30-4/5) Same assignment as Week 2 X Same journal prompts as Week 2 X Same topics for reflection as Week 2 X Review of 1 rough draft for class Walkabout book X College Decisions X Week 12 (4/6-4/12) Same assignment as Week 3 X Begin thinking about your Symposium presentation X Same journal prompts as Week 3 X Same topics for reflection as Week 3 X Review of 3 rough draft for class Walkabout book X Review of Symposium presentation handout X Week 13 (4/13-4/19) Same assignment as Week 4 X Work on your presentation. Set up a time to practice it in X Seminar. Same journal prompts as Week 4 X Same topics for reflection as Week 4 X Review of 2 rough draft for class Walkabout book X Week 14 (4/20-4/26) Work on Symposium presentation X Same journal prompts as Week 5 X Same topics for reflection as Week 5 X Review of 4 rough draft for class Walkabout book X Week 15 (4/27-5/3) Same assignment as Week 6 X Same journal prompts as Week 6 X Same topics for reflection as Week 6 X 2 students practice Symposium and receive feedback X Week 16 (5/4-5/10) Practice Walkabout presentation X Same journal prompts as Week 7 X Same topics for reflection as Week 7 X 4 students practice Symposium presentation and receive X feedback Continued

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Table 5.2 Continued Week 17 (5/11-5/17) Practice, practice, practice your Walkabout X presentations. Make sure you have chosen someone to introduce you at Senior Recognition. Same journal prompts as Week 8 X Same topics for reflection as Week 8 X 7 students practice Symposium presentation and receive X feedback Week 18 (5/18-5/24) Practice, practice, practice your Walkabout X presentations. Senior Meeting X 4 students practice Symposium presentation and receive X feedback Student Symposium Presentations X Public Symposium Presentations X I have selected the following key events because they are particularly rich in demonstrating guided practice in using narrativizations of experience as a heuristic for discussions regarding evaluations, identity constructions, and reflective meaning-making.

My key events come from week 1 and thus demonstrate the types of interactions students and teachers engaged in over the course of Walkabout. Narrativizations of experience and reflections upon those narrativized experiences comprised the bulk of teacher/student and student/student interactions throughout both the oral and written literacy practices of

Walkabout. It is through narrativizations and responses to narrativizations that meaning is co-constructed at this site. As discussed in Chapter 3, I analyzed the key events to generate evidence regarding how students are encouraged to narrativize their experiences by making the immediate tellable, constructing identities in particular ways, and warranting reflections through narrativizations.

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First Event:

Oral Narrativizations of Experience and Instructional Conversations in Seminar

I will use the following transcripts of an instructional conversation as an anchor event to demonstrate how students are guided into particular practices of narrativizing and reflecting upon experience. This conversation was the first time students had the opportunity to return and report on their individual Walkabout experiences, a practice repeated every week from thereon out. This event represents the starting point for how teachers and students narrativized experiences together. I analyzed transcripts of this instructional conversation using the codes described in Table 3.7. Table 3.7 shows how my analysis of this discourse community is built around the local use of the following narrative practices: tellability of the immediate experience; construction of identity; reflective meaning making. Over time, teachers and students demonstrate a nuanced appropriation for how to practice these moves as ways of making meaning when performing narrativizations of experience.

This instructional conversation took place in the first Friday Seminar meeting on

January 20, 2015. Four students attended this Seminar. At this point, most Walkabout students had been in their Walkabout placement for only four days. As previously mentioned, every week students were required to address two to three required journal prompts and in Seminar, the discussion was always framed by particular “topics for reflection.” See Table 5.3 for Week 1 journal prompts and Seminar discussion topics:

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Table 5.3: Week 1 journal prompts and Seminar topics for reflection

Week 1 Required Journal Prompts Week 1 Seminar Topics for Reflection How does the Walkabout reality compare What is your initial experience? to your expectations? Include your feelings and anxieties. Out of towners include the actual Walkabout and your living situation. What were your expectations? Is there any initial disappointment with the placement? What are the positives? Negatives? Responses to journal prompts inform responses to the Seminar reflection questions and vice versa. Most weeks of Seminar consisted of three major events: 1) Sharing narratives of experience and 2) Reading an anchor text. I’m using the term “anchor text” to refer to articles that have been used with Walkabout students for multiple years and that exemplify the value of experience or reflection on experience. 3) Engaging in Writer’s

Workshop (sometimes Writer’s Workshop also included mentor texts). Depending on the week, the order of these events would change. In all of these events, teachers and students narrativized experience in particular ways and thus socially constructed a way of doing narrative here.

I now turn to a microethnographic discourse analysis (Bloome et. al., 2005) of this event. I am focusing on how responses to student narrativizations make material the preferred narrative moves of tellability of the narrator’s immediate evaluations, identity constructions, and reflective meaning-making. All three of these concern the construction of identities, not only the teller’s identity but also the identities of those listening

(audience) and the other characters being described in the narrative. The constructions happen in the initial narrative tellings and often evolve as subsequent tellings respond to

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the ongoing interaction between interlocutors. I would like to note that while I have provided examples of these three types of narrative moves, engagement in these narrative moves was not distinguished by the participants and thus all three of these narrative moves often co-occurred within the same event and even at the same time. Still, I have used different sub-events within the anchor event to profile each of these moves for heuristic purposes.

Tellability of the Narrator’s Immediate (and Ongoing) Impressions

This portion of the transcript (Transcript 5.1, below) demonstrates the importance placed on students’ immediate reportage and evaluations on their most recent Walkabout experiences. While this event took place in the first Walkabout Seminar (1/20/15) for the

Friday group, a similar emphasis on students’ immediate impressions was present in all

Seminar meetings as well as Walkabout journal exchanges between students and their faculty mentors.

Transcript 5.1: January 20 Inviting reportage and evaluations

Speaker Idea unit

1 Leslie The first thing (1) um (1) that we’re going to do is kind of just let you guys spend just a little bit of time talking about like your experience and you know anything 2 especially in terms of like um 3 expectations versus reality and kind of like just tell us a little bit about what’s going on 4 what’s nice is 5 you guys have so few people 6 we have to 7 in the other one we have such a big group that we have to kind of like= 8 Renae =rush everyone 9 Leslie like seriously 10 people get like about a minute Continued

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Transcript 5.1 Continued 11 but you guys can talk a little 12 you know just talk a little bit about it 13 I don’t want you to go on and on 14 but talk a little bit so that then we can move to the next thing 15 So what, so who wants to start? 16 Hhhh (3) you guys look sad 17 Veronica (laughs) 18 Leslie Are you guys sad? 19 Veronica No 20 Leslie How about you Veronica ?

______Relevancy of the Institutional and the Interactional. Leslie opens the session by inviting students to share their “experience” (B1.1), specifically issues specific to

“expectations versus reality” (B1.3). This is a reference to the one assigned journal prompt for Week 1. Walkabout students, year after year, write about and orally discuss this topic. Leslie broadens this invitation to just include “a little bit about what’s going on” (B1.1). She notes that the Friday Seminar will allow students to talk longer than in the Tuesday Seminar on account of there being so many less students (4 students versus

20). She also comments that the students appear to look “sad” (B1.16, B1.18). This suggests that while the institutional topic of expectations versus reality is important, it would be trumped by the students’ emotional well-being. Such priority for emotional engagement will become even more manifest as students share out, particularly as we compare how Leslie and Abby react differentially to the narrativizations of Veronica and

Renae.

Reportage and Evaluation. Student narrativizations typically begin with an accounting of the who, what, and where of their week. These details are interlaced with evaluations. For example, when prompted, Veronica gives a very upbeat account of her

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first week working at an urgent care center. She reported feeling very nervous, but everything turned out great. She got to see some medical procedures such as x-rays. She learned how to do some computer stuff and how to check patients in. She talked about going out to lunch. She talked about the unpredictable nature of the urgent care, how hours can pass with little action and then they can be suddenly swamped. She worked multiple 12-hour days. Veronica’s narrative interaction lasts only two minutes. Leslie and

Abby offer no evaluation except praise and excitement for the girl’s positive experiences.

Renae’s narrative interaction, however, lasts 24 minutes, thus suggesting that Leslie and

Abby have a stake in helping co-construct the meanings Renae is making. Perhaps

Veronica demonstrated a healthy emotional engagement through the narrativizations of her experience and thus Leslie and Abby felt no need to repair it, whereas the opposite was true with Renae.

Renae split the time of her first Walkabout placement between interning with a

State Representative at the State House and interning at Dress for Success, a nonprofit committed to “the economic independence of women in need by providing professional attire, a network of support, and the career development tools to help women thrive in work and in life” (http://dfscmh.org). In Transcript 5.2 (see below), she gives her first descriptions of each site.

Transcript 5.2: January 20 Renae’s Week 1 narrativizations

Speaker Idea unit

1 Leslie Alright, Renae? You look dead tired. 2 Renae Um (1) the statehouse is great. Continued

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Transcript 5.2 Continued 3 Um so (1) talk about how like my expectations on my walkabout, 4 I thought like 5 Dress for Success was going to be like (1) kind of like 6 more like laid back but still very professional 7 and then like I thought the statehouse was going to be like the big time, like, more xxxx 8 like I was more scared about the statehouse than I was Dress for Success 9 and so I was like, intimidation wise and like professionally 10 Leslie Right 11 Renae But um (1) reality was very switched. Um 12 Leslie Interesting 13 Renae Um I haven’t had the best experience with Dress for Success so far, sadly 14 um, the Statehouse has been like great. 15 Um, I’m like working on like doing research in like drafting bills and 16 um, I’ve had like a great time 17 I’ve met a lot of like really cool people and representatives and 18 um, last Wednesday I got to sit on a session 19 and ,um, watch how like everything happens and how they introduce a bill to the floor and then how they vote on it and 20 um, it’s just really cool because I get to see the different dynamics and how they like interact with each other and um 21 S. is really cool 22 like, we went out to like lunch and like 23 just like how they park cars like 24 he, like, he’s like really cool 25 like he answers all his emails 26 like he doesn’t like, just hand them off to just anybody 27 um to answer his emails for him 28 I asked him like what other representatives do and he’s like most of them send like generic messages back through email 29 um so he doesn’t do that and I thought that was really cool. 30 And, I really like the statehouse 31 I’m meeting like a lot of people and like already making friends that like I’m excited to see tomorrow. 32 Um, Dress for Success ______

Renae begins by addressing the prompt of expectations versus reality. She anticipated

Dress for Success as being “more like laid back” (B2.6) and she expected the Statehouse to be a place of greater “intimidation” (B2.9). She has been experiencing exactly the

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opposite on both accounts. She reports a long list of reasons the Statehouse has been “like great” (B2.14): She’s dong research for the drafting of bills; she’s met interesting people, she’s sat in on a session to see how bills are introduced and voted on, she’s seen interactions between the legislators, she’s seen how cars are parked, she’s answered emails, she’s made friends she’s “excited to see tomorrow” (B2.31). Sprinkled between all of this excitement for the Statehouse are some quick references to struggles at Dress for Success. She thought it would be “more like laid back but still very professional”

(B2.6) which suggests at least three things: 1) it is not laid back 2) Renae believes a place can be both laid back and professional 3) the folks at Dress for Success are enforcing a professionalism that Renae isn’t totally comfortable with. Notice how Leslie gives Renae plenty of room to continue narrativizing. She doesn’t rush to respond, rather allowing

Renae to wonder back and forth between reportage and evaluation. In Transcript 5.3 (see below) Renae begins to narrativize her Dress for Success experiences. She reports feeling

“heartbroken” (B3.5), and this is when Leslie and Abby begin to respond. Renae’s willingness to accept their attempts at co-constructing meaning demonstrates that the identity claims she makes are not yet settled in her mind.

Construction of Identity

De Fina and Georgakopoulou (2012) describe two types of identity claims that emerge as a narrative is told. Taleworld identity claims relate to the teller’s character in the narrative. Taleworld identity claims align with two of Bamberg’s (1997) questions about narrative positioning: “How are the characters positioned in relation to one another within the reported events?” and “How do narrators position themselves to themselves?”

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(p. 337). Telling identity claims relate to the teller’s identity during the storytelling event.

Telling identity claims align with Bamberg’s (1997) other question about narrative positioning: “How does the speaker position him- or herself to the audience?” (p. 337).

Putting these scholars’ work into conversation with each other allows us to see that when people engage in narrativizations, they are busily positioning their audience and the characters (including themselves) within their narratives to respond to a specific social situation.

Participants’ discourse identities, or their “local interactional roles” help make larger social identities visible through the “interactional management of narrative”

(Georgakopoulou, 2003, p. 76). For example, in the Seminar and journal interactions that will be described, the larger social identities of student and teacher are drawn upon to negotiate and refashion the discourse identities of the narrators. Thus it is though language in use that we gain a sense of the affordances and constraints available to participants in the display of their value-laden identities (Zimmerman, 1998; De Fina and

Georgakopoulou, 2012; Bloome, et al., 2005).

This portion of the transcript (Transcript 5.3, below) starts at the 5:45 mark of the

January 20 Seminar. It demonstrates how through the telling of narratives of experience, students engage in Bamberg’s (1997) three levels of narrative positioning. In the excerpt below, Renae initially relies on interplay of teller and taleworld identities in several small generic stories (Georgakopoulou, 2010) to justify her feelings of disappointment. When incited by Leslie, she provides a more specific small story.

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Transcript 5.3: January 20 Renae’s “old man story”

Speaker Idea unit

1 Renae At Dress for Success um I've 2 It's been really rough 3 and I feel really sad because 4 like I've been crying a lot about it 5 and I feel really heartbroken 6 with my situation there because 7 um I went there with like 8 wanting to like help my community and like empower women and like 9 I've been just like leaving 10 feeling like really undignified ugly and sad 11 Leslie Why? 12 Renae They just don't treat me well there 13 like they're they're just jerks to me 14 Leslie What do you mean? 15 Renae Like um just like the way that I'm talked to like really brings me down 16 and it's it's not they like I feel 17 it sucks 18 Leslie Can you give me like more specific than that, that's 19 Renae um okay like 20 so there's just been like different things just with like my daily like act, like things I'm asked to do 21 it's like 22 they give me like orders and then they're just like "That's all. Thank you." 23 like they just walk away 24 and they like just very like 25 not very 26 nice to me 27 in the way that they speak to me 28 and like their tone of voice 29 and um, and I just like the things I've encountered 30 my favorite thing now 31 one of the things I have to do is 32 I have to help donors do the back 33 and like they 34 so they come into the back and they leave through the back and like I help them through bring all the stuff in 35 and they have to fill out something for a tax receipt 36 get sent to their email 37 um and that's been one of my favorite things 38 like the donors actually talk to me like I'm a human 39 and that's really nice 40 um but like so far I feel like Continued

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Transcript 5.3 Continued 41 in order to succeed at Dress for Success I have to like break down my morals 42 and like I don't like that feeling 43 like there's 44 Leslie What does that mean? "breakdown your morals"? 45 Renae Because for example like 46 there was an elderly couple elderly couple that came in through the front 47 um instead of the back for donors and stuff 48 and on the way in the old man had fall he had fallen on the ice and stuff like that and was hurt 49 and instead of just like letting him walk through 50 they made him walk all the way around the building 51 to the back 52 and I was like (quiet) "Okay." 53 and then um so I helped them through and everything 54 and they were so old they didn't even have emails 55 so they couldn't fill out the receipt very well 56 and um the reason why they they want the donors to go through to the back is because the clients they want them to have a good experience there and stuff 57 but there was no clients 58 and especially because he was hurt so badly 59 I walked him through to the front 60 because his car was closer to the front 61 um, and then like when I did that like I got like scolded really bad 62 just like 63 and I was like "I'm really sorry guys. Like he was just like hurt and he fell. It was just a special case. Like it won't happen again." 64 and they wouldn't even let me finish 65 It was just like ((loud)) "Just so you know next time." 66 and I was like ((quiet))"Oh my God." 67 and like like even other volunteers were like, "That's crazy. XXXX kind of scary." 68 and I wasn't expecting this ______How are the characters positioned in relation to one another within the reported events?

Renae describes herself as having a layered identity. As a teller, her feelings have been hurt; she’s struggling with the disappointment of her expectations not matching her reality; she feels like she can’t maintain her morals and succeed in this environment. As a character in her taleworld, she bravely does the right thing even if it isn’t popular. She

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gives a sense that her actions are right whereas the actions of her fellow workers are wrong. While she attributes multiple identities to herself in both the telling and the taleworld, and thus presents herself as a multi-faceted and complex character, she describes the other characters with singular identities. Characterizing the other characters as types allows Renae to use them as evidence for both her identity claims and her malaise about the site.

Her Mentors. “jerks” (B3.13) who rudely “give . . . orders” (B3.22) and “just walk away” (B3.23). When Renae abandons protocol by bringing the old couple through the front door, they refuse to listen to Renae’s reasons. They seemingly have no concern for the old couple, just the rules. These characterizations are further exemplified when

Renae gets into trouble for talking to a nervous donor about her approaching eye surgery, when Renae is labeled unprofessional for wearing a skirt deemed too short for the dress code, and when Renae unsuccessfully offers her mentor a stick of gum.

Generic Donors. Nice people because they actually talk to Renae like “[she’s] a human” (B3.38). Working with them is Renae’s “favorite thing now” (B3.30). The donors seem to help represent Renae’s initial reasons for wanting to work at Dress for

Success.

The Old Couple. They are actually quite helpless. Not only do they fall on the ice

(and thus justify abandoning protocol, at least in Renae’s mind), but they don’t even have emails and can’t fill out the tax receipt “very well” (B3.55). Renae and her mentors’ opposing reactions to the old couple justify the telling of this small story and the evaluations made through identity claims.

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Other Volunteers. They think the mentors’ angry reaction to Renae is “crazy”

(B3.67) and “kind of scary” (B3.67). Renae uses their brief presence in the small story as support for her position in helping the old couple and also as a way to further justify her uncomfortable feelings about the Dress for Success placement.

Renae largely uses the past tense to indicate her taleworld identity. The taleworld is almost exclusively found in lines 45-68 where Renae tells the small story of the old couple. Renae uses the past tense to establish the couple’s hurt and age. She puts those descriptions up against present tense descriptions of the Dress for Success protocol against letting donors through the front door—“they want them to have a good experience” (B3.56). This present tense rationale for the protocol is put up against

Renae’s description of the that particular day in the past—“there was no clients, and especially because he was hurt so badly, I walked him through to the front, because his car was closer to the front” (B3.57-60). By using the pattern of past tense/present tense/past tense, Renae is able to paint a picture of why her departure from protocol in this case was right, even moral. In fact, she uses a generic story—“I just feel like, in order to succeed at Dress for Success, like I have to like break down my morals, and like I don't like that feeling” (B3.40-42) to introduce the idea of a moral dilemma.

When Leslie asks, “What does that mean? ‘Breakdown your morals’?” (B3.44),

Renae uses the small story of the old couple to explain. This taleworld description of acting morally connects to her teller identity of feeling like she has to breakdown her morals to succeed at Dress for Success. In effect, Renae is collapsing her teller and taleworld identities to say that abiding by her definition of morality is more important to

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her than finding success as defined by her mentors’ seemingly dispassionate approaches, a point that is later confirmed when Leslie asks if Renae has concluded that her co- workers just aren’t good people and Renae says yes. Such narrative positioning is useful to Renae because it allows her to make an argument regarding her relationship with her co-workers as well as her values on rules and thus justify to her audience a malaise about her future at this site.

How does the speaker position him- or herself to the audience?

Notice the use of generic, non-specific, small stories. Renae justifies her teller identities of sadness because of the “jerks” (B3.13) who are reportedly not treating her well and bringing her down. We don’t know yet any concrete details about these supposed jerks. Detailing the jerk-behavior is seemingly not the point of Renae’s generic small stories. Rather, Renae appears to be using these narratives as a way to incite her audience to react to her narratives. She is shifting the focus from what happened to how it made her feel. Her feelings are what she is presenting as being most important. It is only when Leslie doesn’t immediately submit to Renae’s call for sympathy and specifically incites Renae to get specific (B3.11, B3.14, B3.18, B3.44) that she details an actual event

(B3.45-68). This suggests that Renae is carefully monitoring how her constructions of taleworld identities are influencing the reception of her narrative during the telling. She is refashioning her narrative based on the reactions she is receiving. While people likely always monitor the reception of the narrative they are telling, I think this moment is significant because we can assume that if Leslie and the others had immediately given sympathy, Renae’s narrative would have remained one about how she is the victim.

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Leslie’s reactions show Renae and the other students that what gets told won’t be blindly accepted as truth. In this case, even though Renae says she is a victim, maybe she isn’t.

Maybe her perspective is somehow flawed. Because Leslie is slow to immediately accept

Renae’s taleworld identities and thus continues to interrogate Renae, Renae is forced to provide evidence for her initial claims. Over time, as we will see later, through the interaction, Renae softens the stance of her initial claims and refashions the victim identity she presents here. While it’s possible that Renae doesn’t personally accept these refashioned identity claims, even while making them, that’s not the point. The point is that the dialogue around her narrative has positioned other perspectives as worthy of consideration, for her and all those listening.

Renae largely uses the present and present perfect verb tenses to indicate her telling identity of being “sad” (B3.3) and “heartbroken” (B3.5). It is in these cases that she identifies those things that have happened in the past but continue through the present. For example, she says, “just like the way that I’m talked to really brings me down” (B3.15). Thus while she was sad when she was talked down to, she’s still sad about it because the present tense verbs am and brings suggest that she is still being talked down to in a way that make her sad. Lines B3.1-43 are predominantly devoted to

Renae’s teller identity, which contrasts between sadness and happiness when working with her mentors and the donors respectively. She rarely uses the past tense in this section. When she does, the past tense helps define why she chose to work for Dress for

Success and thus also helps accentuate the cause of her current disappointment.

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How do narrators position themselves to themselves?

Renae’s initial expectations have confronted a disappointing reality. The past tense—“I went there” (B3.7)—is combined with uses of the present tense—help, empower—to demonstrate that her original motivations still apply. Nevertheless, those original motivations have been contested by difficulties of the recent past, difficulties that continue through the moment of this telling, things like “they’re just jerks to me” (B3.13) and “the way that I’m talked to” (B3.15) among others. The use of the present perfect verb tenses help show the present state of her predicament. She later uses the past tense—

“encountered” (B3.29)—to provide a marker between the negative (working with her mentors) and positive descriptions (working with the donors) of being there. She still believes in the mission of the place, but doesn’t know if she can serve this mission while being treated so poorly. She has positioned her future at this site as uncertain because her past self’s view of the place hasn’t matched her present reported reality.

Reflective Meaning Making

Recall from Rosenblatt’s (1938/1995 transactional theory that a text can mean different things to a reader at different points in his/her life and it can mean different things to readers of different generations since we are all cultural products of particular times and places. There is no fixed meaning because each experience with the text is colored by the current conditions of one’s transaction.

The ways that students interpret their experiences are often put up for negotiation.

The look of this negotiation often has most of the students listening in while Leslie and

Abby interrogate the students’ narrative and its immediate use of evaluations, identity

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constructions, and warrants of reflection. These interrogations may lead to Leslie and

Abby sharing narratives of their own or of past or current students whose experiences relate. These interrogations may also lead to other students making these moves which

Clifton, Long, and Roen (2013) call critical incidents. The impetus of these moves is to investigate the validity of the student’s reading of experience. This use of narratives-in- interaction allows meanings to be ongoing and to be directed at students’ immediate state of mind and thus help shape how students may think or act in the near future. Such small

“stories become rehearsals for later action more than reconstructions of the past; they are more about imagining the future than about remembering the past” (Georgakopoulou,

2006c, p. 127).

This portion of the transcript (Transcript 5.4, below) starts at the 7:35 mark of the

January 20 Seminar. It demonstrates how Renae positions the taleworld of her first four days at Dress for Success to warrant a disappointing future at the placement. What’s at stake is adherence to her personal morals and self-concept. In the excerpt below, Renae is reflecting on how she thought of making the old man (referenced in Transcript 5.3) who had fallen walk all the way around the building because of the Dress for Success policy.

Transcript 5.4: January 20: Reflective meaning making: “good people”

Speaker Idea unit

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Transcript 5.4 Continued 6 'this is there way their professional way of doing it and I just need to see what I can learn from that'" 7 Are you able to do that? 8 Renae Yeah maybe I'll do that it's just like rough 9 because I really like feel uncomfortable there (3) 10 and I'm really sad about that 11 that's like what hurts my feelings 12 it breaks my heart to say that to you Leslie 13 like I feel uncomfortable there (3) 14 Leslie It just it's just kind of it's just kind I mean 15 it sounds like maybe you've 16 it sounds like maybe you've just gotten some like 17 correction 18 and it's hard for you to take 19 you know like 20 Renae ((covers eyes with her hands)) ((quiet)) I guess 21 Leslie @@@@@@ what do you XXXX? 22 Renae well it's just like rough because I literally like 23 I contemplated like letting him go like all the way around the building 24 to walk around something like that 25 like I was "well I know this is what they do here" 26 and like I literally couldn’t bring myself to do it 27 I felt like that was so cold-hearted 28 like that I just can't 29 like (1) 30 like I don't know if I could go home that day and feel good about that 31 like right now I feel pretty confident with the things that I do 32 like I don't regret like helping that woman like feel better about like her eye surgery 33 like I don't feel guilty about that 34 and I I feel I just feel like they're trying to make me feel bad about things I actually like 35 about myself 36 like it's just hard for me 37 and like my journals I've written "It's hard to take harsh criticism." 38 like the first criticism on my dress code 39 like I can take that 40 but on things like where (1) it's just about to me being a good person 41 it's rough for me to like shake that down (1.5) 42 like I don't know if I can do that 43 Leslie So is your conclusion that these guys aren't good people 44 Renae yeah 45 pretty much 46 like they just haven't 47 all I've learned so far about being professional from them is basically 48 keep everything at base level Continued

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Transcript 5.4 Continued 49 and like (1) don't be genuine 50 and make sure make sure you at least appear well 51 because like all I've learned is that as long as you like that's fine 52 because like from appearance they look like they're really nice girls and stuff but like ((shakes head)) 53 Abby How many days have you been there? 54 Renae I've been there 55 four days 56 Abby (4) To me it seems like maybe that 57 you you've experienced a few incidents that are just 58 isolated incidents that 59 have left a bad taste in your mouth 60 and that maybe 61 if you give it a little more time 62 those will kind of 63 hopefully 64 I don't I don't think you will experience something like that every day 65 you know 66 Renae It it has been every day 67 it's just been like weird 68 Abby Another thing I think is that you 69 you seem to thrive on personal connection 70 and on making connections with people on a meaningful level 71 and that's not going to happen everywhere you go 72 and sometimes 73 and and if it does happen 74 usually it takes time 75 so like you might find that you really connect with those girls 76 if you give it more time 77 but and their 78 think about it from their perspective 79 this is their job 80 it's ((snaps finger)) 81 like they have 82 they have something that works and they stick to it 83 so they're probably not thinking about 84 "I'm hurting her feelings." 85 they're just like 86 we gotta ((snaps fingers)) keep it rolling 87 this is how we do it 88 and so 89 that might seem harsh to you 90 but from their end 91 that might not be an intentional thing 92 you know what I mean 93 Renae ((nods her head)) Continued

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Transcript 5.4 Continued 94 Abby That's just something to think about 95 Renae yeah 96 Abby because I don't think they are intentionally (1) trying (1) 97 I mean I don't 98 I can't see that 99 especially from an organization whose= 100 Renae 108 I mean I'm not quitting obviously 109 like (1) I'm not going to do that 110 but like (1) I'm hoping it gets better 111 but so far 112 like it's just like 113 the whole thing has been hurting my feelings 114 and it's not 115 like I've tried hard to 116 like see the good parts about it 117 but it's just hard to 118 because it's just like every interaction is a very 119 like 120 ((moves her hands and shakes her head)) I don't know ______Four days in, Renae feels like they’re trying to “break[] down [her] morals” (B4.29) and

“make [her] feel bad about things [she] actually like[s] about [her]self” (B4.34-35). She draws upon the past events of helping the fallen old man through the wrong door and talking to the anxious woman about her approaching eye surgery as evidence that she is a person who lives according to a moral code. She projects the future to explain how following the company policy regarding professional behavior would have been devastating to her self-concept as a moral person. She says of helping the old man, “I don’t know if I could go home that day, and feel good about that” (B4.30). After framing her mentor’s critiques as opposition to her status as “a good person” (B4.40), she says,

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“it’s rough for me to like, shake that down, like I don’t know if I can do that” (B4.41-42).

Thus Renae is using her disappointing past to forecast a disappointing future. Presenting this disappointing future to Leslie and Abby allows her to position herself as someone who is trying hard to do what’s expected, but is more concerned with doing what’s good and moral. She is tapping into the history of her interpersonal relationship with Leslie and

Abby to request some sympathy.

Leslie is hesitant to immediately accept Renae’s characterizations of the Dress for

Success mentors. She has been Walkabout Coordinator for 22 years. Year after year, she teaches the students about five stages of an internship (Sweitzer and King, 1999). Perhaps she sees the future a little differently. We see this in line 43 when Leslie questions whether Renae’s earlier self-description of being good and moral means she is characterizing the Dress for Success mentors as not good and thus not moral. When

Renae provides more evidence of why she doesn’t see the mentors as “good people”

(B4.43), Abby interjects and sets the foundation of inviting Renae to project the future from a different angle. Perhaps the trying week doesn’t have to mean the future will be equally trying. Abby establishes that Renae has only been at her placement for four days

(B4.53-55) and then she projects that Renae’s relationship with her mentors will improve

“if [she] give[s] it a little more time” (B4.61, B4.76). Then she asks Renae to try and see things from not only her point of view but from the point of view of her mentors: “this is their job, it's ((snaps finger)), like they have, they have something that works and they stick to it, so they're probably not thinking about, ‘I'm hurting her feelings’” (B4.79-84).

Renae seems to agree that this is something to consider (B4.93, 95). Later, she says, “I’m

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not quitting obviously, like, I’m not going to do that, but like, I’m hoping it gets better”

(B4.108-110). This comment suggests that co-constructing the meaning of this narrative with Leslie and Abby has influenced Renae’s future projections. This is significant given that she said she didn’t know if she could continue at a place that opposes her being “a good person” (B4.40), but now she says nothing about being good or moral. Rather, she follows her “not quitting” statement with “it’s just like, the whole thing has been hurting my feelings” (B4.113). Thus in the matter of 13 speaking turns, Renae has been given reason to reflect and then warrant a refashioned taleworld for Dress for Success. The major issue of concern has moved from morality to hurt feelings. She seems willing to trust her mentors’ advice and “give it a little more time” (B4.61).

Remember how Renae started her narrativizations with identity constructions and not an actual narrative. She positioned herself to her audience by using multiple woe-is- me identity claims: “sad” (B3.3), “heartbroken” (B3.5), feeling “undignified, ugly, and sad” (B3.10). Then she positioned her co-workers, some of the other characters in her narrativizations: “they just don’t treat me well” (B3.12), “they’re just jerks” (B3.13), and

“not very, nice” (B3.25-26).

This portion of the transcript (Transcript 5.5, below) starts at the 13:50 mark of the January 20 Seminar. It demonstrates how Leslie and Abby push back on Renae’s positioning and interpretations. Together with Renae, they co-construct a narrative regarding the meaning of these reported events by offering evaluations of Renae’s evaluations. When Leslie and Abby respond, they are not only responding to the immediate comments but all those that preceded them. They are calling into question

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(and thus attempting to negotiate) the veracity of how Renae has warranted the meaning of her narrativizations.

Transcript 5.5: January 20 Renae Reflective meaning making: Expectations

Speaker Idea unit

1 Leslie I think too that it's like hard 2 it's really hard to 3 like we have expectations about what we expect a (1) helpful= 4 Abby =non-profit 5 Leslie yeah 6 is going to be 7 and they have (1) strict (1) ideas about how they want it to run 8 Abby yeah 9 Leslie and so 10 Renae it's just weird to me that the State House 11 which I thought was going to be so much more strict 12 but like (1) at Dress for Success 13 like every pen has to be turned a certain way 14 at a certain angle 15 it's such a different (1) atmosphere than 16 ((shakes head)) it's just weird 17 Abby it's probably making it harder for you 18 because you went expecting it to be 19 not rigid 20 Leslie @@@@ 21 Abby and now xxxxx 22 Leslie that's true 23 Abby so that's probably 24 because your expectations were so different 25 the reality of it is 26 impacted you more (@@@@@) because you're like 27 "this is not what I expected" 28 and same with the State House 29 Leslie yeah you're xxxxx 30 Abby you're like "oh this is great" 31 you know 32 and you half-expected the State House, probably, to be a rigid, a more rigid experience 33 Renae ((nods her head)) 34 Leslie yeah that's kind of, that's kind of the uh, unfortunate thing about expectations 35 and that's why we've made that one of the first topics Continued

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Transcript 5.5 Continued 36 is that everybody's got expectations 37 and the reality is al:ways different than our expectations 38 and so, it does kind of play into like our feelings and stuff 39 and so it's just like, it is just interesting that 40 you know 41 when you, when you think something is going to be like warm and fuzzy 42 and it turns out to be a professional xxxx= 43 Renae =I expected it to be professional 44 but I didn't know professionalism 45 was smiling 46 and then like kind of like going and being like really mean once they leave 47 I didn't know that was professional 48 Abby It's not 49 Renae , like I don't like understand that= 50 Leslie =They're being really mean to people after they leave? 51 Renae yeah like they'll have like clients come in, or like donors, 52 and they'll be talking to like M or something 53 and they'll always be just like "YEAH" and then the second they leave she'll, be like, ((makes a face)) 54 she'll just, it's just completely, I just like don't, 55 it's just like a very in-genuine atmosphere 56 and I'm like, not that way 57 and I just like 58 it's hard for me to be around that 59 and not feel just completely like uncomfortable 60 because then again if she 61 what's to say she is like, nice to me 62 like I don't, I wouldn't believe it 63 Leslie But do you mean they're being mean to people after they leave 64 or they're just not emoting? 65 Renae They just they just like, they just like lack that passion that xxxxx I think= 66 Leslie but do you mean that they lack the passion 67 that you can read them 68 and you know their motivation and that they 69 or that they're just not, responding the way you think a person should respond who is doing that? 70 do you understand my question? 71 are they mean to people when they leave? 72 like when they leave are they like "that (1) oh that dumb bitch, she blah-blah-blah" 73 or //are you meaning 74 Renae //no it's just like their 75 the way that 76 once again cause like 77 there's no talk like that 78 but it's all just in the way that Continued

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Transcript 5.5 Continued 79 I watch as they, I watch as the way they express themselves 80 like after clients leave 81 and it's always just like "YEAH" 82 and it's just like ((groans with an uncomfortable face)) 83 Leslie but what I'm saying is are you= 84 Renae =xxxx xxxx 85 Leslie are you putting 86 are you reading into their motives in a way that may or may not be accurate? 87 like= 88 Renae =perhaps= 89 Leslie =do you see the way they are 90 and it's not like the way that you would respond 91 so you're like assuming that it's like 92 they don't care 93 Renae that's just what it felt like 94 Leslie okay yeah ______Notice how Leslie refuses to allow Renae’s account to be definitive. As one speaker introduces topics into the conversation, those topics get reflected and refracted

(Bakhtin, 1981) by the other speakers. Thus what comes next is a reaction to what came before. None of the speakers know exactly where this discussion is headed and what it will ultimately mean. Thus each speaker’s words contribute to the negotiation and co- construction of what the conversation will ultimately mean. For example, consider how the speakers’ contributions build upon each other and move the conversation through several topics: the issue of expectations versus reality (B5.1-41) transitions into the definition of professionalism (B5.42-47) which transitions into the topic of meanness

(B5.50-64) which transitions into an extended back and forth between Leslie and Renae regarding assumptions made about the motivations behind the actions of others (B5.65-

94). The meaning made here has ramifications for action taken in the future. As

Georgakopoulou says of small stories that implicate the immediate future, “stories

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become rehearsals for later action more than reconstructions of the past; they are more about imagining the future than about remembering the past” (2006c, p. 127).

Even when Leslie positions a claim as an absolute: “everybody’s got expectations, and the reality is always different than our expectations” (B5.36-37), she opens up a door for negotiation by likening this absolute to professionalism. Renae claims that she expected professionalism, but she builds on this topic by introducing the topic of meanness: she “didn't know professionalism, was smiling, and then like kind of like going and being like really mean once [donors] leave” (B5.44-46). When Leslie refuses to blindly accept Renae’s “really mean” (B5.46) characterization, Renae must provide more specific details to maintain tellability because as Shuman (1986) says, the maintenance of tellability “takes into account the listener’s prior knowledge and also considers how the listeners might use their knowledge in the future” (p. 74). Here Renae offers more evaluations by using constructed dialogue as well as a performance of the mentor’s apparent fake politeness, but doesn’t offer any new information except to use a hypothetical of how if the mentor spoke “nice” (B5.61) words to Renae, she “wouldn’t believe it” (B5.62). As Leslie continues to pursue this question of meanness, Renae suggests that her co-workers “lack that passion” (B5.65) and thus Leslie tries to get

Renae to distinguish meanness from passion for the work. She uses constructed hypothetical dialogue—“oh that dumb bitch” (B5.72)—to get Renae to admit that

“there’s no talk like that” (B5.77) and then transitions into a question of whether Renae is inaccurately “reading into their motives” (B5.86). Renae even admits that she has

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“perhaps” (B5.88) misread her co-worker’s motivations before further admitting that it just felt like they didn’t care (B5.93).

As in the previous example (Transcript 5.4) Leslie is successful in getting Renae to engage in a revised warranting of her narrativizations. This case demonstrates that the context of a Seminar conversation requires a constant re-articulation of what is tellable at a particular moment. What is tellable is reliant upon what came before as well as participants’ responses to what came before. Leslie’s evaluations of Renae’s evaluations caused Renae, over the course of the conversation, to re-warrant her original evaluations.

Second Event: Journaling Narrativizations of Experience: Tellability of the

Immediate

Because writing reflective journal entries five to seven days a week is a requirement for Walkabout, I will examine the journaling interaction that occurs between students and their self-selected journal mentor. Specifically, I will use the first week of journal interaction between a girl named Heidi and her mentor, Leslie.

Heidi’s first placement was as an intern for the All Sides with Ali Fallon radio show. Heidi wanted to work on the production-end of a TV show or movie, but that desire did not pan out (although she did successfully gain a placement as a wardrobe intern on a John Travolta movie for her second Walkabout). Although working on the radio show was production-focused, Heidi did not really want this placement. Part of getting a Walkabout placement is having an interview with the people at the site where both sides determine if the placement is a good fit. Leslie, both the Walkabout coordinator and Heidi’s journal mentor, asked Heidi to listen to a few episodes of the

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show prior to the interview. Heidi reluctantly listened to a few minutes of one show.

Thus, during the interview, when she was asked what she thought of the show and what current events/political issues were of interest to Heidi, she had very little to report.

Leslie, in an interview with me (4/3/15) reported that she thought Heidi was offered this placement because Leslie vouched for Heidi and because Leslie had two successful

Walkabout students work on this show in the past. I mention these details because

Heidi’s initial reluctance plus the required journal prompts’ focus on evaluation became major sources of narrativizations in her first week of journal entries.

Tellability of the Immediate in Student/Mentor Journaling Interactions

For the first week of journals, Walkabout students were asked to write about their initial experience and their expectations, their feelings and anxieties, the positives and negatives, including “any initial disappointment” (“Walkabout Journal Prompts” handout). By listing these things, Lincoln as an institution is asking students to offer up immediate stories. Students will experience new feelings, some positive and some negative, and they will likely feel anxiety and perhaps disappointment. Lincoln, as an institution, wants an opportunity to respond to those feelings of anxiety and disappointment. New experiences and their accompanying evaluative feelings are proposed as normal and as the substance of “what bears telling” (Shuman, 1986, p. 2) and thus a tellable narrative. Note that the prompts also forecast at least one future narrative:

“Is there any initial disappointment with the placement?” Heidi’s response to that which was positioned as tellable is evident in her first two days of journals as well as Leslie’s written responses.

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Transcript 5.6: Heidi’s January 8, 2015 journal entry: First day

Speaker Idea unit

1 Heidi Well. 2 Day one. 3 I lived. 4 I’ll probably do more of the reflection stuff on Monday when I start my first full week. 5 So I’ll explain what went on today (probably going to be a little diary-like for right now, sorry Leslie). 6 So today when I got there, Marcus took me to my “desk” or whatever you want to call it. 7 It’s not officially mine or anything, it’s just an open intern space for me. 8 Marcus then introduced me to the other two interns that are working there. 9 Those interns are in college. 10 But I suppose that’s the norm. 11 Their names are Marcus and Hadley. 12 So great, we have two Marcuss now for me to write about. 13 Let’s assume that Marcus is of the Decker variety and M Jr. is the intern one. 14 They were both very nice. 15 M Jr. showed me what the interns are responsible for in the morning (cleaning out mugs, filling up water jugs, preparing water for guests, etc.) 16 They both showed me how they prepare notecards for Ali to read out during the show. 17 Then I went into the sound booth to watch the first hour of the show. 18 The Mayor was there so that was pretty cool. 19 I basically shadowed the technical sound lady, Audrey, for this hour. 20 Then for the second hour, I actually went into the studio with Ali and sat in a chair in the corner to watch. 21 There were three local musicians as guests. 22 One of the singers, EG said something I thought was cool and relevant. 23 He said, “Take your dream seriously.” 24 That resonated with me because of the crazy and very competitive stuff I want to do with my life. 25 Especially once I enter my second Walkabout, which will hopefully be more specific to want I want my career to be, I hope it will help me take my dream even more seriously. 26 I definitely take it seriously, as do all of the important people in my life. 27 But I know as I move further along, that there will be others who don’t. 28 I hope I can remember what he said when that happens in my life. Continued

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Transcript 5.6 Continued 29 Leslie Did you know EG graduated from Waverly? 30 That is such a good thing to contemplate for you. 31 You have some pretty powerful dreams, and it’s good not to give up on them. 32 I think we often are encouraged to be more practical—which is good at some point and in some ways, but it’s also wise to contemplate and see how we can do with our dreams. 33 It’s great that you have supportive parents and friends for your dream. 34 Sounds like you got a decent opening day in terms of getting the overall picture of what you need to do. 35 Great that the people are nice to you. 36 Heidi Overall, I had an enjoyable first day, and nobody was really mean or scary. 37 I will probably have more to do during the day in the week to come. So, uh. Until then. ______

Heidi references that she isn’t supposed to write a “diary-like” (C1.5) entry and that she is supposed to focus on reflection. Diary-like has been locally defined as meaning only a list of what was done. She even apologizes to Leslie and promises to write “more of the reflection stuff on Monday” (C1.4). This suggests that Heidi is attempting to demonstrate to Leslie that she is attempting to reflect on her recent experiences and thus write these journal entries the “right” way, the tellable way, and not just a report of the who, what, when, and where. These comments also forecast that Heidi intends to do as asked and give time to reflection. First, she wants to describe her

Walkabout world, which aligns with the journal prompt asking for the “initial experience.” Part of this initial experience includes projection of groups: they/me; old interns/Heidi; interns/non-interns (guests, sound-lady, Ali Fallon); spaces where certain people can be; those who take dreams seriously/those who don’t. Heidi seems to be using this projection of groups to show her beginning feelings of isolation. For example, the desk is “not officially mine” (C1.7) and the “norm” (C1.10) for interns are people in college and Heidi is not in college. These initial feelings later get more pronounced.

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Perhaps this is presented as a confirmation of her initial reluctance with this placement as well as a plea to Leslie for empathy. She also uses the projection of group to say that she takes her dreams “seriously” (C1.23) and so do the “important” (C1.26) people in her life. She aligns herself with musician EG and his comment on dreams: “Take your dreams seriously” (C1.26). She hopes she can remember EG’s thought on dreams when she “move[s] further along” (C1.27) and faces those who challenge and perhaps even oppose her dreams—“others who don’t” (C1.27)—and thus appears to be referencing the journal prompt regarding disappointment and feelings and anxieties.

Leslie’s response is a cautious one regarding the topic of dreams. She points out that the man on the radio show (EG) is from Waverly, just like Heidi—“that is such a good thing to contemplate for you” (C1.30)—thus suggesting that people from Waverly, people like Heidi, truly can achieve their dreams. Leslie’s comment also echoes the

“Walkabout Responsibilities 2014” handout that asks journal mentors to “help students contemplate what they are learning.” This invitation also echoes Walkabout’s focus on learning through reflection. Leslie contrasts the potential success of chasing dreams with the “good” (C1.32) of being practical “at some point” (C1.32). She again invites Heidi to reflect when she suggests a moderate option between chasing dreams and practicality when she invites Heidi “to contemplate and see how we can do with our dreams”

(C1.32). This call to reflection is layered on top of the ones already suggested for the journals as well as Lincoln’s ethos for experiential education. Leslie is suggesting that tellable future journal entries can deal with reflection and plans for action. She is not telling Heidi how to think about dreams, but she is encouraging her to think about them.

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Heidi’s January 9 Entry. Of significance in this section is the fact that Heidi offers her first negative evaluation of her mentor Marcus and the placement in general.

This starts with her brief narrative of arriving “WAY too early” (C2.1). Heidi’s paranoia about being late is countered by the fact that “Marcus wasn’t even there yet” (C2.3).

What makes this tellable is Heidi’s answering of the prompts, but Heidi is also demonstrating that her initial reluctance about this placement is correct. Marcus isn’t the only target of Heidi’s negative evaluation. In fact, Heidi takes aim at herself. She tells a brief narrative of answering Marcus’s call to get the studio ready and then attend a meeting. Heidi’s descriptions of carrying and washing mugs and attending the meeting are full of language evoking Heidi’s perceived incompetence: “struggle” (C2.12), “almost dropping things” (C2.13), “I couldn’t get doors open” (C2.13), “took me longer than it should have” (C2.14), “no clue” (C2.17), “not even sure” (C2.18), “just a little confused”

(C2.20). Although Heidi does suggest that doing the Newsies sound clips was “right up my alley” (C2.25), this is one of just a few positive evaluations of the Ali Fallon Show in the entirety of Heidi’s journal. She typically positions herself as an outsider and a non- contributor.

Transcript 5.7: Heidi’s January 9, 2015 journal entry: I overthink everything

Speaker Idea unit

1 Heidi Less to report today. I got there WAY too early though. 2 I’m supposed to be there at 9, but because I’m paranoid about being late, I got there at 8:30 and I was locked out of the section of the building that we’re in. 3 Marcus wasn’t even there yet. 4 So that was awkward. 5 Definitely something to think about in the future. 6 I would just hate to get stuck in traffic and be late. Continued

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Transcript 5.7 Continued 7 Especially with Major Midwestern University starting school again this coming week. 8 It could add to the traffic. 9 I don’t know. 10 I’ll try to get there at a more acceptable time on Monday. 11 So today, Marcus asked me to get the studio ready. 12 I had to carry a ton of cups and a water jug to the bathroom to wash and it was a struggle. 13 I kept almost dropping things and I couldn’t get doors open. 14 It probably took me a lot longer than it should have. 15 But I did it. 16 We also had a meeting to go to in the morning. 17 I had no clue what was going on. 18 I’m not even sure what the meeting was about. 19 There were other people there too, who aren’t a part of All Sides. 20 I was just a little confused all around. 21 Then, before the show started, Marcus asked me to find some sound clips to use on the show next week. 22 Newsies will be in town and they are having a few cast members on the show. 23 I am very excited about this. 24 Marcus wanted me to find some sections of songs from the show that they could play. 25 That was right up my alley so it was fun to do. 26 I think something that might cause a little bit of a problem at some point is the fact that I overthink everything. 27 I am worried that I’ll do something wrong because Marcus might want it an exact way and I’ll probably ask too many questions. 28 I don’t know. 29 I guess we’ll see what happens. 30 Once the show started, Marcus asked me to watch the show and watch the studio chat in case something was printed that I needed to deliver. 31 Nothing was printed though, so that was pretty uneventful. 32 Then we had to upload the podcast and we were free to go. 33 think Marcus will start keeping me longer when there is more for me to do. 34 I Maybe. 35 I don’t know. 36 Until next time. 37 Leslie I think it is difficult to understand how important something as mundane as watching the chat might be. 38 First, you are learning about Ali and about the questions that are asked. 39 You are also learning about the topics and the guests, which will come in handy for follow up topics and guests. 40 Additionally, you are there is anything goes wrong, which can happen. 41 BECAUSE YOU ARE WORKING ON A LIVE SHOW. 42 Thanks for great journals for the first two days. ______

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Small stories research is interested in examining narrativizing to reveal how narrators are able to do certain things by telling particular narratives at particular times.

In this case, Heidi is able to begin positioning herself as separate from the group of people she works with each day. She’s early. Marcus’s late. There was a meeting, but she didn’t understand what it was about. She was asked to watch the studio chat and be ready to deliver printed material if needed; it wasn’t needed. She would have been kept longer had there been “more for me to do,” which suggests that Heidi is not fully integrated into this working environment.

She is also able to begin justifying a dim projection of the future by establishing an “awkward” (C2.4) social relationship between her and Marcus. Her misunderstanding about the correct time to arrive is further exacerbated by her assumption that she will

“overthink everything” (C2.26). She worries her ways of doing things will conflict with

Marcus’s desired “exact way” (C2.27). She worries that she’ll ask too many questions.

On top of her concerns that she’s incompetent is the fact that she’s bored. They don’t have enough work for her to do. The entry ends on “Maybe. I don’t know” (C2.34-35).

This uncertainty extends into her next entry (January 12) where she continues writing about her expectation of having more work to do and her anxiety of not doing things right.

Leslie’s response differs from her first. Rather than cautiously encouraging Heidi to take a moderate approach to reflecting on chasing dreams, she takes a more aggressive approach and pushes back against Heidi’s identity claims of incompetence, boredom, and uncertainty. Leslie acknowledges that the work might be “mundane” (C2.46) but stresses

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that Heidi is learning about the following things: Ali, questions asked, topics, and guests

(C2.38-39). In so doing, she challenges Heidi’s detailing of things that distinguish her from other members of the show. Leslie writes in caps, “YOU ARE WORKNG ON A

LIVE SHOW” (C2.41), and thus asserts that Heidi’s depictions of boredom and uncertainty are actually proof that Heidi is getting the real experience of contributing real work on a real radio show. This back and forth negotiation regarding what is meaningful happens throughout the next two months of journals. It is similar to the co-constructed negotiation evident in the Seminar discussion. Such reconsiderations of the meaning(s) of experience is a valued move at Lincoln, especially around Walkabout. As we will see in

Chapter 6, such guidance eventually leads students to make these moves on their own.

Constructions of Identity in Student/Mentor Journaling Interactions

When comparing her third journal entry (January 12) with the first entry (January

8), there is a noticeable change in Heidi’s telling identity claims. In the first entry, she portrayed herself as responsible (apologizes if her journal is too “diary-like” [C1.5]), unassuming (her desk is “not officially mine” [C1.7]), committed to her dreams (“I definitely take it seriously” [C1.26]). She listed the things that happened in her day and did so with a positive or neutral evaluation. On the positive end, she talks about the college interns working there, who were “both very nice” (C1.14), seeing the Mayor which was “pretty cool” (C1.18), and listening to musician EG talk about dreams, which was “cool and relevant” (C1.22). In regards to neutral descriptions, she describes some of her tasks such as preparing water for guests, preparing notecards for the show’s host, and shadowing the sound lady. These positive and neutral evaluations diminish in the second

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entry and practically disappear by the third. While the second entry contained negative evaluations, many of those evaluations were qualified by her lack of experience on the job (“just a little confused” [C2.20], “a little bit of a problem” [C2.26], “I guess we’ll see what happens” [C2.29]), suggesting that Heidi thought things would improve as her competence improved. In the third, her use of evaluations is all negative (“boring”

[C3.6], “unclear” [C3.8], “tentative” [C3.9], “burden” [C3.9], “dumb” [C3.12], “I’m an idiot” [C3.25]). These evaluations are significant because they demonstrate how Heidi is collapsing her telling and taleworld identity to be the same. Teller and taleworld identity claims stand as evidence for the other. She is able to position herself as uncomfortable in the telling because Heidi as a character is uncomfortable in her taleworlds. She comes to the realization that for things to change (become comfortable), she is the one that is going to have to change: “I really just need to get more comfortable and believe that I have a right to be there. Because I do, but right now it feels more like I’m intruding. Taking initiative is hard. Whatever. I’ll get better” (C3.33-35, 37-38).

Transcript 5.8: Heidi’s January 12, 2015 journal entry: Taking initiative is hard

Speaker Idea unit

1 Heidi I might as well do the assigned entry today because I will inevitably forget about it if I don’t do it first. 2 So, how does the reality compare with my expectations? 3 Good question, Leslie. 4 I would say that it’s not that different than what I expected. 5 I expected to have more to do during the day, but I’m assuming that will come the longer I’m there. 6 I expected parts of it to be kind of boring and boy, was I right about that. 7 As for my feelings and anxieties, I kind of just feel like I’m not doing everything right? 8 I guess maybe I’m just unclear of their expectations of me. Continued

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Transcript 5.8 Continued 9 I’ve been tentative about asking for help because I don’t want to seem like a burden. 10 And it’s not even about important things, it’s like about where the microwave is so I can heat up my lunch. 11 I haven’t asked that yet, so I kind of just...don’t eat the things that need to be heated up. 12 It’s dumb and I know it, but I feel like I need to earn my place a little bit in general. 13 Leslie Heidi, I think you have a good handle on your expectations and how they are different from the reality. 14 I think you shouldn’t hesitate to ask questions, though. 15 What are the boring parts? 16 Anything that you are enjoying? 17 Heidi In other news, I stapled my finger today. 18 No kidding. 19 Leslie OH NO—or should I laugh? 20 Try to avoid doing that (smiley face). 21 Heidi Literally lodged a staple fully into my finger. 22 Which ties into me not wanting to ask for help because when it happened, Marcus was talking to me about what he wanted me to research. 23 I was absentmindedly playing with a stapler and pressed it down on my finger. 24 And it hurt like hell. 25 But being me, I didn’t want to say anything because I’m an idiot so I just waited for him to leave. 26 And then I pulled it out of my finger and went to the bathroom to wash it. 27 Great times. 28 My finger hurts as I type this. 29 Be careful with staplers, kids. 30 Leslie Haha….yes (smiley face) make sure you tell your parents 31 Heidi Today was just incredibly boring. 32 The show wasn’t particularly interesting and the only “work” I had to do was look up a bunch of stuff about legalizing marijuana for a future show. 33 I really just need to get more comfortable and believe that I have a right to be there. 34 Because I do, but right now it feels more like I’m intruding. 35 Taking initiative is hard. 36 Leslie This is probably one of those things that you are already aware of about yourself, but I’m looking forward to see whow you grow in your ability to take initiative. 37 Heidi Whatever. 38 I’ll get better. 39 See ya tomorrow. ______

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She uses taleworld identity claims to support the telling identity claims, most noticeably in two small stories, one about being too out of sorts to ask about something as simple as the location of the microwave and another about stapling her finger in the presence of her mentor and not telling him. In this case, Heidi uses her character in these small stories as evidence of her telling identity claims. For example, she says she doesn’t want to be a burden and uses the small story of being afraid to ask about the location of the microwave as evidence. Heidi steps out of the taleworld of the microwave narrative to evaluate her crippling anxiety about being a burden as “dumb” (C3.12). She does this by using present perfect verbs followed by the use of present tense verbs to mark action that began in the past but continue to affect her in the present. For example, consider this excerpt:

I’ve been tentative about asking for help because I don’t want to seem like

a burden. And it’s not even about important things, it’s like about where

the microwave is so I can heat up my lunch. I haven’t asked that yet, so I

kind of just...don’t eat the things that need to be heated up. It’s dumb and I

know it, but I feel like I need to earn my place a little bit in general. (C3.9-

12)

The past action of being tentative is linked to the present concern of being a burden.

Teller Heidi evaluates this concern as being “not even about important things” (C3.10).

The effect of her anxiety continues to affect her in the present because she obviously doesn’t feel comfortable, but she’s also not eating things that need heat. She emphasizes the point by using another present perfect verb—“haven’t asked that yet” (C3.11)—to

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comment on her current state of inaction. She identifies her inaction as “dumb” (C3.12), but qualifies it by saying that it can only be overcome by “earn[ing] my place” (C3.12).

Thus the telling identity and the taleworld identity are collapsing into one where Heidi recognizes her weaknesses and wants to overcome them.

A similar collapse of telling and taleworld identity claims is evident in the small story about stapling her finger. Here the past action (taleworld identity) is linked to her characterizations of her present self (telling identity). For example, the past actions of “I stapled my finger” (C3.17) and “lodged a staple fully into my finger” (C3.21) are linked, by Heidi, to her past and current shortcoming—“which ties to me not wanting to ask for help” (C3.22). The point Heidi is building through all of this is disgust with her current self. After more descriptions of the past event of stapling her finger in Marcus’s presence,

Heidi writes, “But being me, I didn’t want to say anything because I’m an idiot so I just waited for him to leave” (C3.25). Now the past actions of stapling her finger and waiting for Marcus to leave are tied to a present characterization of “being me” (C3.25) and “I’m an idiot” (C3.25). Heidi is using this collapse of telling and taleworld identities to do multiple things: 1) to indicate that she doesn’t feel comfortable at her placement and 2) to indicate that she is sick of her own incompetence at social interaction with strangers. 3) to demonstrate to Leslie that she is in the process of taking initiative as Walkabout students are taught to do. This is evidenced by Heidi’s comments “I feel like I need to earn my place” (C3.12) and “I just really need to get more comfortable and believe that I have a right to be there. Because I do” (C3.33-34) and “Taking initiative is hard. Whatever I’ll get better” (C3.35, 37-38). By saying these things, Heidi is saying things that are tellable

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in this context. In fact, she is offering a “preferred narrative” (Gubrium and Holstein,

2009) to Leslie by indicating that she aims to take initiative and overcome her challenges and thus is in process of narrating a progressive narrative (Gergen and Gergen, 1983).

Leslie’s feedback is largely concerned with Heidi’s teller identity as manifested by her evaluations of Heidi’s evaluations. This suggests that Leslie doesn’t really care about the taleworld identity as long as the teller identity is manifesting reflection and a plan for transformation of self. This is the first week of Walkabout. Struggles and disappointments are expected as suggested by the week’s journal prompts asking about positives and negatives and examples of expectations versus reality. In fact, Leslie asks

Heidi to say more about the “boring” (C3.15) and “enjoy[able]” (C3.16) aspects. When

Heidi tells the staple narrative, even though she calls herself an idiot, she does so in a playful, humorous tone. Leslie responds to the humor rather than the self-loathing, thus suggesting that a tellable identity claim is one that can laugh at itself. Heidi’s last paragraph, however, abandons the self-deprecating humor and candidly states her anxieties. Again, Leslie doesn’t spend time specifically addressing those anxieties but instead latches onto Heidi’s earlier teller identity claims about trying to take initiative. By commenting on this identity claim and not the others, Leslie is positioning the take- initiative identity claim as the most tellable in this context. Perhaps she is also suggesting that those anxiety claims will be resolved in time.

Reflective Meaning Making in Student/Mentor Journaling Interactions

Keep in mind that Walkabout students don’t receive immediate feedback on their journals. They typically have to wait a week or so before the mentor has time to read,

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reflect, and respond. The journal interaction differs from the Seminar interaction in this way. Still, over time, the journal mentor’s feedback has a cumulative effect, meaning that although the response time is delayed, topics raised do incite future journal entries and future responses. I will write more on this in Chapter 6. For now, I wish to examine

Heidi’s first week of journals and Leslie’s response to those journals for future projections.

See my earlier analysis in this chapter of Heidi’s entries for January 8, 9, and 12 because much of those analyses dedicated to tellability and teller and taleworld identities also discusses Heidi’s projections for the future. Right now, I want to focus on Leslie’s written feedback and how it asks Heidi to reflect on the meanings she’s making from her experiences. It thus projects a revised taleworld future for Heidi. To frame Leslie’s feedback, I want to include three excerpts from Heidi’s journal that are representative of her disappointment and uncertainty. Reviewing these will help explain the tone of

Leslie’s feedback.

January 13: Marcus always gives me something to do and I hope that I’m actually

useful to them. The only things that worry me are when Marcus asks me to look

something up about a topic that I don’t know much about. Which is most topics,

to be honest. It’s just hard for me to find the right things because I don’t

understand what I’m reading. That’s probably my own fault because I’ve never

really been someone who pays attention to the news or the economy and that

might be hurting me now. I also find it boring, but that’s probably because I don’t

understand it. I wish I could go back in my life and be more attentive, but I can’t.

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I just want to be able to feel like part of the conversation if they’re talking about

tax reforms or the real estate market or something. Sigh. I feel really stupid. I’m

just uneducated about this stuff. And it’s not like we’re ever taught anything like

this in school. (C4.37-54)

Marcus, Heidi’s mentor at the radio show, “always” (C4.37) gives her things to do and

Heidi hopes she is “useful” (C4.38), but she seems to doubt this hope because “[she] wish[es] [she] could go back in [her] life and be more attentive, but [she] can’t” (C4.48-

49) Her wish won’t suddenly educate her about the news, the economy, tax reform, and real estate. She cannot go back in time and re-learn those things she never learned in school and thus her future projection about being helpful at this radio show dedicated to news and politics is bleak. Note that in the above excerpt, Heidi initially blames herself for her ignorance, but at the end of the excerpt she blames her schooling. Throughout,

Heidi desires to know more, but she does not indicate any plans for action, thus suggesting that she sees her lack of knowledge as not her responsibility.

January 14: Later, Marcus asked me to go into Ali’s office and we would take a

look at what I wrote on Tuesday. That was pretty intimidating. She’s a very strong

woman which is scary to an awkward teenager. She’s very nice though. She

basically changed everything I wrote. I didn’t mind, I just feel like I disappointed

her. I probably didn’t, but it still feels that way. She gave me some good tips for

when I write more in the future. Then she found some more writing for me to do.

She had me write the billboard for a show about hockey next week. A billboard is

the voiceover that’s played a few minutes before the show to say what’s coming

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up one the show. It was surprisingly hard to write. I did my best and they’ll

probably look at it tomorrow. (C5.19-21, 23-33)

Although not evident in this passage, Heidi’s resentment for how the show’s host continually changed and/or didn’t use her writing persisted through her eight weeks on the show. This is the beginning of that resentment. Notice that Heidi has assigned roles for the characters in her narrative. Ali Fallon is “a very strong woman which is scary”

(C5.21, 23) while Heidi is “an awkward teenager” (C5.23). The adjectives used for Ali

Fallon are “pretty intimidating” (C5.20), “very strong” (C5.21), “scary” (C5.23), “very nice” (C5.24), and “disappointed” (C5.26). The adjectives are lopsided on the negative side, thus suggesting that Heidi is uncomfortable in this environment. Nevertheless, she mentions that she did her “best” (C5.33) and notes that “they’ll probably look at it tomorrow” (C5.33) which suggests that she eagerly anticipated their evaluation of her work. I think Heidi is demonstrating her due diligence as a Walkabout student. Despite the difficulty of the situation, she has taken initiative. If taking initiative fails to produce the desired result (and it does), Heidi has given herself justification for not continuing to try.

January 15: Some of the negatives of the job. It can be boring at times. The work

can be tedious. I can only tape names onto notecards so many times before it gets

boring. I also never know what I’m supposed to be doing exactly. That’s probably

my fault, but still. I guess another negative is that it’s not really a job I could ever

see myself doing so it’s not very...fun. It just feels like I go to work every day, I

just don’t get paid. I don’t know. I don’t really want to do it for seven more weeks

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but I can’t do anything about that. I guess that’s it for today. At least tomorrow is

Friday. (C6.46-61)

Heidi is answering one of the required journal prompts here. Again, she has assigned blame to herself (this time for not knowing what she should be doing), but as before, she qualifies this blame: “but still” (C6.52). She separates herself from trying hard because she can’t see herself doing this job: “it’s not very...fun” (C6.54). One week in, she has already determined that she doesn’t want to do “it” (C6.58) anymore. She seems to be projecting that the future will be just like this; the bleakness of the first week is here to stay. She takes a small bit of comfort because tomorrow is Friday.

Leslie attempts to use her written feedback to help Heidi refashion her initial despair.

Leslie’s Feedback: Yes, you are right about the negatives. I realize that it isn’t all

fun, but it seems like you are actually learning, even though you may not see it.

You are already figuring out how to deal with a new and uncomfortable

environment, and you are pushing through even when it isn’t fun. All jobs have

their negative aspects, and it’s good for you to realize this too. I think your

attitude seems great and I appreciate the way you are evaluating things. Also, It’s

OK if you tell me what you do every day. You are thinking about things too, so it

is fine. I like that they are including you and giving you a chance to come up with

topics and potentially write stuff. We will see next week if they like your writing

and/or if they use your ideas. Why do you think certain things are boring to you?

Do you see any way to expand what you believe to be interesting? Your journals

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are good so far, and I’m looking forward to see how you wrestle through some of

your personality strengths and weaknesses as you are at the show. You are a smart

and competent person, but I know that being in a new situation is challenging.

Keep moving forward; it’s great that you are trying to take initiative and asking

what else you can do. (C6.62-83)

Leslie begins by attempting to reorient Heidi’s attitude through validating Heidi’s discontent and then attempting to gently suggest that she is both doing what she is supposed to be doing—“you are actually learning even though you may not see it”

(C6.64)—and that that there are actions she can take to make her experience worthwhile—“you are pushing through even when it isn’t fun” (C6.66). Leslie is tempering Heidi’s despair. Perhaps the week wasn’t as bad as Heidi made it out to be and perhaps the future will be better than Heidi is projecting.

Leslie projects a future where Heidi will have a job where not everything is rosy.

“It’s good for you to realize this” (C6.68). This statement suggests that part of having a job is rolling with the punches. Leslie looks to next week when they will know if the show liked Heidi’s writing, but Leslie doesn’t describe their potential dislike as a deal breaker as Heidi does throughout her placement. Rather Leslie projects a reflective future for Heidi. She wants her to reflect upon why things are boring and how things could be more interesting. She projects a future where Heidi will “wrestle through some of [her] personality strengths and weaknesses” (C6.79), where she will “keep moving forward”

(C6.82), and where she will continue “to take initiative” (C6.83). By pushing back on

Heidi’s taleworld descriptions of the past and future, Leslie is attempting to have Heidi

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refashion her thinking on what her past experiences mean and what her future experiences can be.

Guided Participation through Reflective Questions and/or Statements

One way the teachers of Lincoln guided students’ participation through narrativizations of experience was through the use of reflective questions and/or statements. Reflection upon the narrativizations enabled teachers and students to use their narrativizations as vehicles for extended thought and later, action. Recall Rosenblatt’s

(1995) contention regarding the teaching and learning of literature: students need the opportunity to draw upon what they have “lived through in reading the work” (p. 66). By establishing a habit of reflective thinking, not just with literature but also the living of life, students establish “a readiness to reflect on [their] own attitudes toward people and situations as a prelude to passing judgment or deciding action” (215). The re-thinking of attitudes and the making of plans for future action motivated the use of reflective questions and/or statements as responses to Walkabout narrativizations.

These events give evidence of the value placed on reflective thinking. The teachers frequently pushed students to articulate or rethink their immediate evaluations of their

Walkabout placement, their co-workers, and even themselves as manifested in the students’ narrativizations. Table 5.4 profiles several examples of reflective questions and statements used by teachers in response to student narrativizations. I’ve highlighted pronoun usage to emphasize who is being asked to initiate action and/or new thinking. I have underlined examples of the profiled narrative moves.

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The most frequent pronoun used is “you” and this emphasizes how students were being pushed to find answers to their struggles rather than simply being told what to do.

They were often also pressed to articulate what they meant by certain statements or positioning of people and places. Teachers often did this by contrasting their understanding of the students’ point of view (“you” statements) with uses of “they” or

“them” to suggest how other people might being seeing the same event. At times, the word “we” was used to discuss points of seeming collective agreement. This recursive examination of students’ narrativizations through reflection forced students to re-think and re-articulate the meanings they were constructing.

Table 5.4: Reflective questions/statements in first two event series

Reflective Questions and/or Statements Narrative Move =What does that mean? "breakdown your morals"? (Leslie, B3.44) Immediate Evaluation Reflective Meaning Making Are you able to kind of like, step back from your hurt feelings, and Ventriloquizing sort of think like, "Okay I know these guys do good work, and I Positioning of Character know they've had, really good success with volunteers before, Positioning of Audience maybe, I just need to look at them like, 'this is their way their Reflection for Change professional way of doing it, and I just need to see, what I can learn from that'", Are you able to do that? (Leslie, B4.1-7) So is your conclusion that these guys aren't good people? (Leslie, Immediate Evaluation B4.43) But do you mean they're being mean to people after they leave, or Immediate Evaluation they're just not emoting? =but do you mean that they lack the Positioning of Character passion, that you can read them, and you know their motivation and Positioning of Audience that they, or that they're just not, responding the way you think a person should respond who is doing that? (Leslie, B5.63-64, 66-69) =do you see the way they are, and it's not like the way that you Immediate Evaluation would respond, so you're like assuming that it's like, they don't care? Positioning of Character (Leslie, B5.89-92) Positioning of Audience Continued

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Table 5.4 Continued Did you know EG graduated from Waverly? That is such a good Immediate Evaluation thing to contemplate for you. You have some pretty powerful Positioning of Audience dreams, and it’s good not to give up on them. I think we often are Reflective Meaning encouraged to be more practical—which is good at some point and in Making some ways, but it’s also wise to contemplate and see how we can do with our dreams. (Leslie, C1.29-32). What are the boring parts? Anything that you are enjoying? (Leslie, Immediate Evaluation C3.23-24) Why do you think certain things are boring to you? Do you see any Immediate Evaluation way to expand what you believe to be interesting? (Leslie, C6.76- Reflection for Change 77). Across the events, teachers (and sometimes students) use reflective questions as a way to suggest meanings and/or actions that can be enacted by the original teller of narrativizations. Across these cases, reflective questions weren’t used to suggest a specific action but to suggest the first step a narrator may take in coming to an independent decision on how to act and/or think about their narrativized experiences.

Interacting with Narrativized Texts and Making Meaning in the First Two Events

Recall that the first two events took place in the first week of Walkabout. One dealt with a 24 minute instructional conversation between Renae and her teachers (Leslie and Abby) at the first Tuesday Walkabout Seminar (1/20). The second dealt with the first week of Heidi’s Walkabout journals (1/8 – 1/9, 1/12 – 1/15), containing her narrativizations of experience at a local NPR show dedicated to current events and politics. While the Seminar interactions are immediate, a week or more delays the journal interactions. Still, in both cases students are pushed to reconsider evaluations, positionings, and the way they are warranting the interpretations of their reflections.

By looking at the responses given to student narrativizations, students could understand how their narrativizations were being understood in the moment. I have again highlighted pronouns to demonstrate how teachers articulated their understanding of the

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students as characters in their narrativizations. I have underlined those moments that demonstrate the profiled narrative moves.

Table 5.5: Making meaning by interacting with narrativized texts in first two event series

Making Meaning by Interacting with Narrativized Texts Narrative Move To me it seems like, maybe, that, you you've experienced a few Immediate Evaluation incidents that are just, isolated incidents that, have left a bad taste in Positioning of Character your mouth, and that maybe, if you give it a little more time, those Positioning of Audience will kind of, hopefully-I don't I don't think you will experience Warrant for Reflection something like that every day, you know (Abby, B4.56-65) you seem to thrive on personal connection, and on making Immediate Evaluation connections with people, on a meaningful level, and that's not going Positioning of Character to happen everywhere you go, and sometimes, and and if it does Positioning of Audience happen, usually it takes time, so like you might find that you really Warrant for Reflection connect with those girls, if you give it more time, but and their— Ventriloquizing think about it from their perspective, this is their job, it's (snaps finger), like they have, they have something that works and they stick to it, so they're probably not thinking about, "I'm hurting her feelings", they're just like, “we gotta (snaps fingers) keep it rolling, this is how we do it,” and so, that might seem harsh to you, but from their end, that might not be an intentional thing (Abby, B4.69-91) so that's probably, because your expectations were so different, the Immediate Evaluation reality of it is, impacted you more (@@@@@) because you're like, Positioning of Character "this is not what I expected", and same with the State House (Abby, Positioning of Audience B5.23-28) Ventriloquizing I think it is difficult to understand how important something as Immediate Evaluation mundane as watching the chat might be. First, you are learning about Positioning of Character Ali and about the questions that are asked. You are also learning Positioning of Audience about the topics and the guests, which will come in handy for follow Warrant for Reflection up topics and guests. Additionally, you are there is anything goes wrong, which can happen. BECAUSE YOU ARE WORKING ON A LIVE SHOW. (Leslie, C2.46-50) This is probably one of those things that you are already aware of Immediate Evaluation about yourself, but I’m looking forward to see whow you grow in Positioning of Character your ability to take initiative. (Leslie, C3.50-51). Positioning of Audience Warrant for Reflection Continued

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Table 5.5 Continued

This is an awesome opportunity for you to write for real life. The Immediate Evaluation type of writing in journalism is different, so try not to be daunted, Positioning of Audience and just pay attention to what they are saying and critiquing. It’s Warrant for Reflection such an amazing chance to get someone’s perspective on your writing, to learn to take critique and to improve skills J (Leslie, C5.34-36)

Yes, you are right about the negatives. I realize that it isn’t all fun, Immediate Evaluation but it seems like you are actually learning, even though you may not Positioning of Character see it. You are already figuring out how to deal with a new and Positioning of Audience uncomfortable environment, and you are pushing through even when Warrant for Reflection it isn’t fun. All jobs have their negative aspects, and it’s good for you to realize this too. I think your attitude seems great and I appreciate the way you are evaluating things. (Leslie, C6.62-70) Your journals are good so far, and I’m looking forward to see how Immediate Evaluation you wrestle through some of your personality strengths and Positioning of Character weaknesses as you are at the show. You are a smart and competent Positioning of Audience person, but I know that being in a new situation is challenging. Keep Warrant for Reflection moving forward; it’s great that you are trying to take initiative and asking what else you can do. (Leslie, C6.78-83)

Another move made by teachers was to interact with students’ narrativizations by making meaning together. Sometimes these interactions meant directly stating the meaning they constructed from the substance of the student’s narrativizations as well as the manner of the telling (the how). Other times these interactions meant telling their own narrativizations that connected on some level to the students’ narrativizations. Such moves allowed teachers to move instructional conversations toward the historical, social, and ethical contexts present in the students’ narrativizations. Whereas reflective questions and/or statements left interpretations (as well as future action) to the students devising, interacting with the narrativized texts by suggesting meaning forced students to clarify, defend, and/or change their intentions immediately. This relates to Rosenblatt’s (1938) argument that a literature teacher’s response should focus on the students’ responses rather than on the content of the work.

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Often times these meaning-making interactions pushed students toward valued narrative moves such changing one’s attitude or taking initiative in the future.

Reflecting on Narrativizations of Experience As a Way of Knowing

This study of the narrative contexts surrounding Walkabout shows the value of positioning students as knowers within an academic framework. Such a model is rare in

ELA’s “typical classrooms” which remain “dominated by tasks in which the teacher does all the composing” (Applebee and Langer, 2011, p. 26). Walkabout students didn’t have to demonstrate a particular correct answer or structure when describing their Walkabout experiences orally and in writing. In fact, the examples of Renae and Heidi demonstrate that students’ struggles often served as ripe fodder for discussion and meaning making.

Walkabout students were invited to reflect and share what they were trying to understand rather than what they already knew. The difference is one of product versus process.

Rather than evaluating students for what they know, students are evaluated for engaging in the process of coming to know. This seemingly subtle difference is a big one because the structure of public education largely asks students to demonstrate what they know without asking them to demonstrate how they came to know. The difference is built upon trust and a relationship history.

Thus this work demonstrates the importance of responding in nurturing ways to students’ emerging thinking. A discourse of correctness limits inquiry and risk-taking.

“Understanding comes to fruition in the response. Understanding and response are dialectically merged and mutually condition each other; one is impossible without the other” (Bakhtin, 1981, p. 282). Walkabout students engage in speaking and writing to

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make meaning rather than to merely receive meaning made by others. Seminar and the

Walkabout journals help them keep track of “their evolving ideas” (Freedman, Delp, and

Crawford, 2005, p. 84) and thus helps them see how they’ve changed and even grown as knowers.

In this chapter, I have examined the institutional context of Lincoln’s Walkabout, specifically the Walkabout Seminar and the Walkabout journal. Walkabout students engage in reflections on narrativizations of experience as a way of coming to know. In the next chapter, I will look at how an individual student is guided, over time, to appropriate the particular narrative moves preferred by this learning context: making the immediate tellable, constructing identity, and reflective meaning making.

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Chapter 6: Individual Appropriation of Reflection through Narrativizations of Experience

In this chapter, I will focus on one student, Cheryl, and her “participatory appropriation” (Rogoff, 1995) of Lincoln’s favored narrative moves (narrativizing immediate evaluations; narrativizing the construction of identities, and reflecting to make meaning(s) of one’s narrativized experience) in their writing. In so doing, I answer my third research question:

How do case study students story their identities and experiences in small

story and big story settings? What connections exist between identities and

experience constructed in small stories and those constructed in big

stories?

I begin by describing four different individual narrative engagements in which students participated.

Four Individual Narrative Engagements

Case study students wrote journals, prepared submissions for the class Walkabout book, prepared the text of their public Symposium presentation, and participated in at least two research interviews with me. I will show the extent to which Cheryl appropriated use of the narrative moves (narrativizing immediate evaluations; narrativizing the construction of identities, and reflecting to make meaning(s) of one’s narrativized experience) in each of these engagements. I will discuss these narrativizations according to two classifications: small story and big story. I do this as a

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way to show that students’ narrativizations differed according to the type of narrative engagement. Thus identifying Cheryl’s participatory appropriation is not as simple as reading a single text.

After reading the texts of Cheryl’s four types of narrative engagements countless times, I identified the major themes of her narrativizations of experience. Like other case study students, Cheryl wrote about many things, but she continually returned to the issues of overcoming social anxiety and measuring her self-worth based on her musical performances. These issues and experiences relevant to these issues were narrativized repeatedly over time across all narrative engagements. I believe reflecting upon these respective themes through repeated, ongoing, and evolving narrativizations represent the major takeaway for her Walkabout experience, or in other words what she claimed to have learned. Not only did Cheryl offer small story narrativizations of these issues in her journals and Seminar, she also constructed big story narrativizations that also explored these issues but in differential ways. Recognizing the importance of Cheryl’s particular issue, I asked her to speak about these issues while interviewing her.

Small Story Narrative Engagement

Journals. For all of my case study students, the journals were written on computers and sent to the faculty mentor (and to me), typically once a week. Due to the frequency of journal writing and because the mentor responses to students’ interpretations of experience often resulted in a flurry of written exchanges, I have classified the journal exchanges as small story engagements. Recall from Chapter 1 that small stories include “tellings of ongoing events, future or hypothetical events, shared

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(known) events, but also allusions to (previous) tellings, deferrals of tellings and refusals to tell” (De Fina and Georgakopoulou, 2012, p. 116). The journals help demonstrate how students thinking on particular issues stayed the same or changed over time and thus stand as an example of Dewey’s (1938) “continuity of experience” (p. 28) amidst ongoing interaction. The journal interaction between students and mentor allowed for

“free play of individuality of experience” but it also gave “direction towards continuous development of power” (p. 58). I have organized Cheryl’s journals into three event series, basically the beginning, middle, and end of her second Walkabout placement. In this chapter, I will trace the development of Cheryl’s particular takeaway issue across those event series. Recall that Cheryl spent her second Walkabout interning at music archive in

New York City while also participating in the Cosmopolitan Youth Opera program and taking voice lessons from two different teachers there.

Big Story Narrative Engagements

Because the submission for the class Walkabout book and the text of the

Symposium presentation were the result of much preparation and rehearsing and because these narrativizations offered a settled text, I am classifying these as big story engagements. The big story narrativizations resulted after reflection upon an extended period of “overt action” (p. 63). They gave students a chance to speak to their reflections upon their activity and thus their growth.

Submissions for the class Walkabout Book. Recall from Chapter 4 that each student was required to submit a written piece to the class Walkabout book. Each student’s piece was to address the following two minimum requirements: 1) describe at

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least two experiences they had during Walkabout and 2) be reflective in nature. Answer the question, “What meaning(s) have you made through your experiences and reflections?” (“Your Piece for the 2015 Walkabout Book” handout). Students were given a list of reflective questions to consider as possible triggers for the writing of their piece.

Students were encouraged to review their journals for possible topics and/or themes.

Each submission was to be at least 3-5 pages long. Students presented drafts of these written pieces for peer review during the weekly Seminar meeting.

Symposium Presentation. Recall from Chapter 4 that the Symposium

Presentation is heavily rehearsed. After returning from their second Walkabout placement, students create, practice, revise, and finally give four public presentations on their Walkabout. Two of these presentations are for Lincoln underclassman and two are for the Waverly community (parents, School Board, community members). Students are asked to address these three focal points in their presentations: 1) Where I was, whom I was with, and what I did 2) What I learned about the subject or topic, the people, and the process 3) How am I different for having done this Walkabout? How have I changed since January? What have I learned about myself? (“Symposium Preparation” handout).

Cheryl’s Appropriation of Narrativization Moves in Small Stories

Walkabout’s focus on narrativizations of experience and reflection upon experience allowed Cheryl to write about and receive feedback on those things that were of greatest relevance to her at the time. Thus her journal mentor, Mike, played an important role in how her narrativizations of experience evolved over time. As Dewey

(1938) says, the teacher who combines education and experience “must be aware of the

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potentialities for leading students into new fields which belong to experiences already had” (p. 76). In other words, the teacher must use a student’s present experiences to extend a student’s learning. I believe Mike is successful in this endeavor with Cheryl.

Narrativizations of Experience as a Means of Interaction

Dewey (1938) argues that experience can be educative when there is an interaction with “immediate internal states” (p. 42). The small story narrativizations of journaling and receiving feedback on journaling allow such an interaction to occur. While

I could argue that all of Cheryl’s journals are in some way addressed to Mike (her journal mentor) I will focus on showing how Cheryl uses her journal entries to maintain a particular persona with Mike. Cheryl’s journals and Mike’s responses are informed by their social interactions. In fact, the journal interaction is a social interaction that refracts their interactional history as well as Lincoln’s values regarding experiential education.

Mike is a Lincoln teacher and he values the components that make up a Lincoln education such as taking initiative, responding to challenges with action, and viewing all experiences as opportunities to learn. Cheryl had taken multiple classes with Mike, including a class called Farm to Table that focused on local farming that she often references in her journals. I asked Cheryl to explain to me why she chose Mike as her journal mentor. Here’s a portion of her explanation:

I'm very glad I got Mike to read my journals. I've taken a lot of his classes,

and they were always my favorite. His classes are always very discussion

based, and he always covers controversial topics. He's seen me grow from

a person who would never dare to speak up in class my sophomore year,

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to the person who won't shut up in discussions by my senior year. He

encouraged the rest of the students and I to think critically, have an

opinion, and not accept the "conventional wisdom". So he's the teacher I

feel most comfortable sharing my thoughts with.

Mike’s feedback to Cheryl’s journals was thoughtful and often even poetic. At the point of Event Series 1 in her New York City placement, Mike had offered four responses to

Cheryl’s journals. See the list below for some of his representative responses:

• As in all transformations, in reality, take some time to happen and are never as

quick as Clark Kent changing into Superman.

• Give yourself some freedom, room to grow, and forgiveness when you don't grow

as fast as you desire.

• This is your walkabout. You will get out only what you put in. IF it fails to live

up to your expectations, take the initiative and create new expectations.

• Learn and grow. Learn and grow. Eventually you will have to harvest.

• You can spend every waking hour of your life wishing you could go back in time

and correct every mistake you've made, or you can make peace with the fact that

you are human and need to learn from all your experiences like they are teachable

moments.

• How will you seize control of that experience to learn from it? What your

ACTIONS are in response to that question is your answer. Not the other way

around.

• From what I have seen from you in the relative short time that I have known you,

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it seems that you are a reflective and critical of information, but you possess

something that many do not have...balance. You seem to, when you want to, find

the balance in the words that you hear. You don't seem to jump to conclusions

carelessly.

Each of these responses encourages Cheryl to act and not be acted upon. Mike encourages practicing patience with oneself, giving forgiveness to oneself, taking initiative, learning to grow, living in the present rather than the past, responding to experience with ACTION, and finding balance before jumping to conclusions. As I will show, Cheryl’s journals often speak to these ideas. For example, part of Cheryl’s time in

New York was spent working at a music database called RIM. The first couple days she worked there, Cheryl listed in her journal about the types of tasks she was given. For example, on March 4 she writes:

At RIM I spent most of the day cleaning indexing again. At the end of the

day, one of the staff members asked me to help her with her project. It's a

history project on RIM and she's compiling a spreadsheet of all the staff

and committees of this organization. Though the database itself has only

been around since the dawn of the internet, the organization has existed

since the late 60s. So pretty much I had to scan a bunch of RIM books that

listed the staff and next week I'll start helping her input the people in the

spreadsheet.

After this date, references to RIM were mostly just in passing, things like this one from

March 9: “RIM was pretty much the same. More indexing.” Sometimes references to

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RIM are only done in passing such as the common “After RIM . . .” In his fifth response to Cheryl’s journals, Mike pushed Cheryl to think about the people she was working with at RIM. He wrote:

I like what you had to say about your work..."repetitive and mundane" and

"the people were not very talkative." Remember, you are an intern. This

is not your life. It makes you wonder about the people who are there in

those offices...did they want to do this when they were young? Is this their

career? Are they passionate about what they are doing? Is this just a job to

them? Are they resentful that they are there? Do they hate their boss? You

are there to gain experience, for your future reality. This is their reality.

This excerpt from Mike has echoes of his earlier “learn and grow” encouragement. As demonstrated by the first required journal prompt, “How does the Walkabout reality compare with your expectations?” the Lincoln ethos values the mundane for what can be learned. While Cheryl’s subsequent journals didn’t spend great deals of time addressing these questions, she did start to say more about what she was learning from RIM. For example, see Transcript 6.1 (Appendix D5) below.

Transcript 6.1: Cheryl’s Journal March 18, 2015: Positioning Audience: Rewards

Speaker Idea unit

7 Another day at RIM. 8 The days are starting to go a little faster. 9 I'm given a little more variety in tasks. 10 I've also been giving myself "rewards". 11 For example, I'll tell myself that tone I finish a task I can have a mint or fill up my water bottle 12 and I always have my lunch around 2:00, Continued

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Transcript 6.1 Continued 13 so it splits the day up. ______

Lines 7-13 do not speak to a transformation in her attitude toward RIM. She still seems to see it as mundane, but she is also demonstrating willpower to “finish a task” (D5.11) before “giving [her]self ‘rewards’” (D5.10). The day following this journal entry, Cheryl wrote me an email responding to my question about the influence of Mike’s responses to her journals. She wrote:

his thoughts on my internship at RIM were refreshing. Thinking of other

people's perspectives made me think of why they do this job in addition to

their teaching jobs and graduate school. Some of it is extra income, but

they are also providing a great service to music students and scholars by

running this database. Also I'm the intern, of course I'm doing the most

boring grunt work. Other people are doing more interesting tasks, but a lot

of them probably did similar work when they first started.

This demonstrates that while Cheryl didn’t love working for RIM, through her interaction with Mike, she was able to see it as more than just a boring place to work.

I will now use the analytic categories of evaluations, identity constructions, and reflective meaning making to track how Cheryl’s narrativizations of experience changed over time and thus indicate her growth. The tracking of these changes will take Cheryl’s ongoing interaction with Mike into account.

Cheryl’s Immediate Evaluations and Reportage Over Time

After reading Cheryl’s journals numerous times, I identified several common

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topics of her narrativizations: Mr. Alvarez (her voice teacher), Max (her voice coach), family, self-worth and singing, confidence, independence, social anxiety, growth, Mike, loneliness. I was curious to track the development of these themes in Cheryl’s narrativizations of experience over time. As I review Cheryl’s use of evaluations, identity constructions, and reflective meaning making, each of these topics will be discussed. For space considerations, I will discuss Cheryl’s evaluations of growth and independence over time (see Table 6.1) as a representative example of how her evaluations shifted as she engaged in narrativizations of experience over time.

Table 6.1: Cheryl’s evaluations of Growth and Independence over time

Event Event Event Series 3 Book Symposium Series 1 Series 2 Submissio n In the I'll tell I don't have to deal with my mom nagging I loved just seeing all the sacrifices they have to year myself that me about practicing and homework; I'm being make like, um (1) financially and just time before tone I finish nagging myself. It's good knowing I can treated and energy, and um (1) for something that middle a task I can get stuff done with out reminders from my like an they really care about, which is like school, I have a mint mom. I feel like I'm being treated like an adult, the providing food for a community, um in a had or fill up adult for the first time at my internship, feeling of good way. And uh that was good for me to slowly my water during lessons, and the people living in the independe see, because I’m going into a-I plan to go started bottle and I hostel (3/25/15). nce, and into music, which is a field that I’m going coming always living in to have to make a lot of sacrifices for, out of have my I've been more stressed than I was such an which is what I learned about in my my shell lunch expecting. I have to balance practicing, exciting second walkabout, and so it was good for and around 2:00 my RIM internship, rehearsals, lessons, city. I me to see other people doing that. started , so it splits writing journals and papers for made making the day up scholarships. I'm doing things all around great I really loved New York, but um it wasn’t some (3/18/15). the city, so I also have to take into account friends at always the easiest experience for me. Um more travel time. I have less free time than I the hostel I had to learn to deal with a lot of stress friends Trying to thought I would, and onthe days I do have and at um, as far as time management, like and was balance free time, I'm often tired and not in the Cosmopol knowing um how much time to spend on bullied a learning mood to explore the city (3/25/15). itan. Most various aspects of what I was working on, little new art importantl um because I had a lot of new literature-or less. I songs, the I reflected on the idea of taking risks and I y, I song literature to learn-along with figured aria, duet, realized the times when I took risks where learned so balancing RIM stuff, journals, and just um once I and the when I grew the most. Everything from much. then like getting around the city, to um- entered choruses performances, to talking to someone for like it took me a good few weeks before I Phillips I I'm singing the first time, to singing a challenging I pushed really understood the subway system, and would with song, to teaching a class, to moving to myself to how to get around have a Cosmopolit New York. Even when I took risks that become a fresh an, ended up with a horrible outcomes, I still better everything was focused towards start and knowing learned from those experiences and that is student by improving myself musically, and so I be able the so much better than the regret of not trying being made a ton of progress. Um so as I said, I to make translations (4/4/15). felt like I was able to become more and Continued

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Table 6.1 Continued a ton of synopsises I think I took things too personally in thoroughl responsible, and take care of myself, um I new of the some of my previous lessons. It's okay for y feel more prepared for next year because friends. operas, me to be annoyed, but nothing Mr.Alvarez prepared, of that. Um I made a ton of musical That piano has said to me was meant as an attack or truly progress, my voice has just improved a didn't music, insult. I would not want to study with him listening whole lot, and I’ve learned a lot about really RIM, long term, but for now I will just have to to and opera. Um I’ve become a better student, happen writing make the best of the situation (4/4/15). thinking um I’ve realized that I need to-um having though journals, about my new teachers, like I just really tried to (2/25/16) writing I've challenged myself so much, living on teacher's force myself to be willing to do what they . essays for my own in an unfamiliar city, adapting to instructio were telling me to do, instead of being scholarship new people, managing my stress, and n, being scared to try new things, and (0.5) I was The train s, keeping facing loneliness and frustration. I haven't willing to just able to really devote myself to I was up with always been happy, but I've made it try new studying, and um prepare me for for next supposed emails and through. I've learned that I can handle this things, year. to take college stress and I'm stronger than I thought and was stuff, and (4/4/15). asking I was also had to independently study at under everyday more home, preparing the music, um learning construct kind of I went from being afraid of leaving home, questions. the words, memorizing, all that kind of ion, but stuff like to loving the feeling of independence and stuff. I'm glad travel and "adulthood", to feeling lonely, homesick, to say I buying and not knowing how to deal with my I learned to really love the independence, still groceries is emotions without the support of others, to um I liked being treated like an adult, and managed hard now not really feeling alone (4/14/15). it was good to know I could take care of to figure (3/19/15). myself, and now that I’m back home I out how realize how much I look-miss living by to get up myself, um it was good to know I was there responsible enough to do that. (3/7/15)

In Event Series 1, Cheryl talks about her experience as Phillips Middle School with a past perfect progressive verb: “I had slowly started coming out of my shell”

(D1.33). This indicates that she is continuing to come out of her shell. She hoped to make lots of new friends. “That didn't really happen though” (D1.39). She doesn’t speak of her efforts, but evaluates the school as being at least somewhat negative because she didn’t make friends. Regarding getting around New York City, she talks of what she “managed to figure out.” She talks of who she was, but she also focuses on who she is becoming.

In event Series 2, we see evidence of Cheryl positively evaluating her immediate self for taking action. She rewards herself for accomplishing tasks at her internship with the music archive. She lists the many things she is attempting to balance while living in

New York City and admits that it “is hard” (D6.32). Notice that things are still hard. She

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is still trying to figure out how to do this.

In event Series 3, Cheryl continues to evaluate her immediate self positively for independently taking action, what she calls “nagging myself” (D8.151). She also evaluates her past self: While she talks about the stress involved with all that she is doing, she has also “realized the times when [she] took risks where when [she] grew the most” (D10.33). She thinks she took things “too personally” (D10.53) with Mr. Alvarez.

She “challenged” (D10.59) herself and “made it through” (D10.65). She reports that she has transitioned from “afraid of leaving home” (D11.19) to “independence” (20) and from “feeling lonely” (D11.21) to “now not really feeling alone” (D11.22). Notice how

Cheryl is evaluating her recent approach to things. She is still negotiating with herself regarding the best plan of action.

In her book submission, Cheryl uses past tense active verbs to positively evaluate herself for taking action. She “made great friends” (D13.75). She “learned so much”

(D13.76). She “pushed [her]self to become a better student” (D13.81). She sought to be

“thoroughly prepared” by “truly listening to and thinking about my teacher's instruction,” by “being willing to try new things,” and by “asking more questions” (D13.81).

In her Symposium, Cheryl uses a range of verb tenses to evaluate who she has become and who she is becoming. See Table 6.2 for examples.

Table 6.2: Verbs as evaluations of self in Cheryl’s Symposium

Past self Present Self Future Self I had to learn to deal with a lot of stress I was able to become more responsible, I’m going into a-I plan to go into music, um, as far as time management, like and take care of myself, um I feel more which is a field that I’m going to have to knowing um how much time to spend on prepared for next year make a lot of sacrifices for various aspects of what I was working on Continued

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Table 6.2 Continued it took me a good few weeks before I my voice has just improved a whole lot, really understood the subway system, and and I’ve learned a lot about opera. Um how to get around I’ve become a better student, um I’ve realized that I need to-um having new teachers everything was focused towards now that I’m back home I realize how improving myself musically, and so I much I look-miss living by myself made a ton of progress. I just really tried to force myself to be willing to do what they were telling me to do, instead of being scared to try new things I was just able to really devote myself to studying, and um prepare me for for next year. Notice how the focus of her identity constructions is on things that have been resolved or settled. For example, she mentions how she “had to learn” (D14.91) or “it took me a good few weeks before I really understood” (D14.97). Statements like these show Cheryl using her Symposium narrativizations of experience as a way to argue that learning and understanding new things have transformed her on Walkabout. The same is true of her present identity constructions. She is now “more responsible” (D14.160) and “more prepared” (D14.162). Her voice has “improved” (D14.164) and she has “become a better a student” (D14.166). This is a significant change from how she evaluates things and constructs her identities in the small story narrativizations. In those cases, she is trying to figure things out. There is still a sense of immediacy and negotiation about who she can become. This sense of becoming is also evident in Cheryl’s shifting identity constructions over time, particularly constructions of her identity and her teachers.

Cheryl’s Constructions of Identity Over Time in Small Stories

Event Series One (February 25-March 7). Cheryl positions characters to demonstrate her long struggle with social anxiety, isolation, and loneliness. Overcoming her social anxiety becomes an important theme of her Walkabout narrativizations. On

February 25 (Appendix D1), shortly before leaving for New York City, she journaled

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about how in her past, social anxiety plagued her at both home and school. In this entry,

Cheryl positions her younger self as one who was acted upon. In other words, she was the victim of other people’s actions and inactions. For example, “bad stuff was happening at home” (D1.40). She started school “still somewhat in shock” (D1.43). Her social anxiety continued to “grow and persist” (D1.45). Her only two friends “would judge” (D1.48) her. She was “lonely and anxious” (D1.51). She was “teased” (D1.52). No one “took notice” (D1.57) or “reach[ed] out” to her. She was “mocked” (D1.58). The few actions she narrativizes her younger self taking are responses to others’ lack of kindness. She

“distanced [her]self from everyone but” (D1.46) the two elementary school friends. She took her “frustration out” (D1.53) on these two. She “hated” (D1.55) how people called

Phillips “one big family” (D1.54) because that wasn’t how she felt about it. She justifies her lack of action toward others on others’ lack of action toward her (D1.56-57). She entered high school worried she’d experience “more of the same” (D1.60). This passage helps establish Cheryl’s starting point regarding social anxiety. Going to New York City to study music will mean knowing almost no one. She will again be faced with the choice of choosing to act or choosing to be acted upon.

Much of Cheryl’s positioning of herself is regarding her immediate future at the placement and how her efforts there will impact her long-term ambitions as a musician.

In her February 28 entry (see Appendix D2), she applies narrativizations of the sacrifices of her voice teacher, Mr. Alvarez, and her Walkabout mentors from her first placement at the organic farm, Raquel and Jerry, to forecast what she’ll need to do to be successful both in New York and as she prepares to start college as a vocal performance major.

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Cheryl demonstrates how she is trying to adopt the musician-identity that Mr. Alvarez already possesses. Part of what makes musicians, musicians is a willingness to “sacrifice money, time, and sanity in order to do something they love and find meaningful”

(D2.39). Cheryl greatly admired her mentors at her first Walkabout placement, Raquel and Jerry. Here she compares Mr. Alvarez’s willingness to sacrifice to Raquel and Jerry’s willingness to sacrifice. When Cheryl draws a parallel from Raquel and Jerry to Mr.

Alvarez, it is a compliment. She admires how Mr. Alvarez appears to apply Raquel and

Jerry’s sacrifice to music. She positions herself as having ambitions to do the same.

On March 5 (see Appendix D3), Cheryl describes her first lesson with Mr.

Alvarez. While much of this is describing Mr. Alvarez, Cheryl describes her efforts to be a dutiful student with a lot to learn. Based on how she narrativizes her responses to Mr.

Alvarez’s instruction, her ambition to succeed is obvious. Cheryl wants to detail “the technique work and his teaching style” (D3.16) of Mr. Alvarez, because it would be

“good to have a record of what [she’s] learning” (D3.18). Typically, when people write down notes from a lesson, they are highly invested in learning. She’s so invested in recording these details that she’s going to do it even if it doesn’t mean much to Mike, her journal mentor (D3.17).

Cheryl gives little self-criticisms that position her as having a lot to learn from

Mr. Alvarez. When he asked Cheryl for details on her warm-up, she could only supply “a kinda vague description” (D3.20). She even bemoaned that “[she’s] not very consistent at this” (D3.21). Cheryl lists “some technique issues” (D3.23) that Mr. Alvarez noticed during the warm-up. Next, Mr. Alvarez asked about the schools where Cheryl had

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applied and who the teachers were, because “the most important thing for an undergraduate singer is to have a good voice teacher” (D3.29). Cheryl says she “she felt bad that [she] hadn’t done a whole lot of research on the teachers” (D3.30). Next, Mr.

Alvarez asked about plot, character, and translation (D3.35) of the aria Cheryl hoped to sing for Cosmopolitan Youth Opera. While Cheryl says she had already translated the opera and skimmed through its synopsis (D3.36), she “definitely need[s] to read up on more opera” (D3.37). These several examples show Cheryl positioning herself as a student with lots to learn but also with the motivation to learn. These examples also position Mr. Alvarez as having a lot to offer.

Cheryl writes that she thought about spending that night enjoying the city by going to a concern or art show. Instead, she “ended up spending the evening practicing”

(D3.63). This is another testament to her ambition. One issue that she often writes about is how she connects her self-worth to her musical performance. While she wants to improve her singing, she also wants to overcome this tendency toward negativity. Cheryl identifies how she tends to “get” (D3.64, 65). This alludes to a history of “a really negative mind set” (D3.64) that often “escalates” (D3.66). Cheryl says that this happened again on this night, but then she identifies why this is a bad thing. It’s “pretty unproductive” (D3.68). It puts her “in a down mood” (D3.68). It takes her days to get over this “hard mentality” (D3.69). This pairing of what so often happens with a listing of its consequences suggests that Cheryl is consciously attempting to overcome this struggle. This fits in with her efforts to meet Mr. Alvarez’s standards. She’s trying to

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progress both musically and emotionally. In fact, she is saying music and emotion go hand in hand and thus to improve as a musician, she needs to improve emotionally.

Event Series 2 (March 12-March 19). Two of the prominent characters that emerge in this event series are Mr. Alvarez, Cheryl’s voice teacher, and Max, Cheryl’s voice coach. At the beginning, Cheryl clearly sees a hierarchy between the two men. Max works under Mr. Alvarez at Cosmopolitan youth Opera. He is older and seemingly more experienced. In her March 18 entry (Appendix D5), Cheryl distinguishes the job titles of the two men: “coachings typically focus on style, language, and character building, where as lessons focus on technique” (D5.4-5). One of Cheryl’s main motivations for doing this

Walkabout was to improve her technique so from the outset, she expects more from the lessons with Mr. Alvarez than the coachings from Max. I will be looking at how Cheryl positions these men to her and subsequently how she positions them to each other.

On March 12 (see Appendix D4), Cheryl constructs narrativizations of her second lesson with Mr. Alvarez. She positions Mr. Alvarez as the expert, who is able to “point[] out” (D4.21) Cheryl’s singing issues and then “g[i]ve [her] a few methods” (D4.26) to correct those issues. Cheryl positions herself as less knowledgeable because she apparently was unaware of these methods previously. She appreciates that “he gives [her] multiple methods and explanations” (D4.33) because at least “one of them ends up clicking” (D4.34). This last line positions Cheryl as having a history of success with Mr.

Alvarez. She is demonstrating a growing confidence in him as teacher.

Cheryl not only takes voice lessons from Mr. Alvarez but also piano lessons.

Cheryl positions him as a patient and kind teacher. Although Cheryl was “kinda

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struggling” (D4.36), Mr. Alvarez comforted her by telling her “it was okay” and that “he could tell [Cheryl] practiced” (D4.38). This small compliment “means a lot” (D4.39) because she values teachers that appreciate “the work” (D4.39) she put in while also giving critique. Because Mr. Alvarez has done both, Cheryl positions him as a valuable teacher and to more students than just herself. He “makes the student feel comfortable”

(D4.50), and “he seems to genuinely care about all of his students” (D4.51). Such generalized statements speak to this evaluation of Mr. Alvarez being collectively held. He does run the Cosmopolitan Opera Program of which Cheryl is a member. This would allow her multiple opportunities to see him in action and to hear of other people’s opinions of him. This speaks to him being worthy of Cheryl’s musical trust. Even though

“he point out a lot that [Cheryl] need[s] to work on,” (D4.52), he is also a “very nurturing teacher” (D4.47) with a “good balance of critique and compliment” (D4.48). When things don’t go well, Cheryl thinks she might have walked out of the lesson “if it had been a different teacher” (D4.53). Instead, she “left in a good mood” (D4.55), confident that she knew “what [she] need to work on” (D4.56) in her practicing.

Cheryl’s narrativizations of her experience during the first two lessons with Mr.

Alvarez suggest that Cheryl felt confident that she was being well served. At this point, nothing has caused her to change her expectation that the lessons with Mr. Alvarez would be more valuable than the coachings with Max. Her perspective does begin to change, however, when she has her first lesson with Max. She wasn’t expecting much from him.

On March 18 (see Appendix D5), Cheryl warrants her low expectations on two things. First her understanding of a coaching session would focus on “language” (D5.24)

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and “characters” (D5.25) rather than actual technique. Second, Max is “a lot younger than

Mr. Alvarez” (D5.26). Cheryl assumed less experience would equal “worse teacher”

(D5.29). The lesson, however, was a “breakthrough” (D5.30). Rather than focusing on

“language” (D5.24) and “characters” (D5.25) as she thought, they spent most of their time “on technique” (D5.31). Unlike the lesson with Mr. Alvarez where he suggests several methods and Cheryl identifies one that worked well for her, here she details several methods that worked well for her. Compared to the vague descriptions of Mr.

Alvarez’s suggested methods, the ones suggested by Max are so specific: the word

September is used to sing the word seigneurs (D5.34-36); Cheryl is told to sing like she’s

“a slide whistle or trombone” (D5.38) to improve her legato. To sing in her “head voice”

(D5.41) rather than her throat, Cheryl speaks words “high, like Minnie Mouse” (D5.41).

The results are described with more specificity too. With Mr. Alvarez, Cheryl described the method that “worked best” (D4.30). Here she details several positive benefits: clearer tone (D5.44), “less tension” (D5.45), “vibrato evened out” (D5.46), and “fuller” (D5.47) high notes. Thus while Cheryl positioned lessons with Mr. Alvarez as positive, she is now positioning the lesson with Max with more enthusiasm. She actually compares him to teachers she’s had “for years” (D5.48).

She outlines how the lesson with Max is different (and superior) to the lessons she’s had with other teachers, including Mr. Alvarez. Although he gave the “same information” (D5.48) as other teachers, the way “he explained things really clicked”

(D5.49). Cheryl liked “how much” (D5.50) they accomplished in the lesson. She liked that he immediately stopped “to fix” (D5.52) and issues he heard in her voice, rather than

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just giving general comments at the end. Even though she was “a little nervous” (D5.53) on account of him being a “new teacher” (D5.53), he made her “feel more comfortable pretty quickly” (D5.54). More comfortable than what? More comfortable than the other teachers she’s had, including Mr. Alvarez. Cheryl liked that he was “a bit younger”

(D5.55) than other teachers. She even liked his use of cursing to praise her (D5.56), because this lessened the “age gap” (D5.58) Cheryl’s felt with other teachers. “It made him less intimidating” (D5.59). All of these positives regarding Max make it easy for

Cheryl to trust his perspective on where Cheryl should go to college. Cheryl was “leaning more towards” (D5.65) a particular school because of a couple reasons (D5.65-66), but she quickly lists at least five reasons why she should consider CCM (D5.68-73), Max’s recommendation. Cheryl doesn’t indicate if these reasons were offered by Max. She presents them as her own. Thus after one lesson, she has positioned Max’s opinions as having great weight. In fact, she is so excited by the lesson that she goes home and listens to her recording of it twice: “on the way home and later that night” (D5.75). While

Cheryl might have also recorded lessons with Mr. Alvarez, she never mentions listening to such recordings. She even went to the practice room that night to “work on the technique” (D5.77) she practiced with Max. Even though her “voice was tired” (D5.78), she says “it was the first time I had heard a significant difference in my sound in weeks”

(D5.79). She seems to be reconsidering the justifications for her positive evaluations of lessons with Mr. Alvarez over the past two weeks.

On March 19 (see Appendix D6), Cheryl has her third lesson with Mr. Alvarez.

Recall in Event Series 1 that Cheryl largely positioned her current self to her future self.

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The things Mr. Alvarez was teaching her in the lessons excited her. She listed numerous things she felt like she needed to do to progress as a vocalist. The excerpts below come from the day after her “breakthrough” (D5.30) lesson with Max. Instead of positioning her current self with her future self, Cheryl largely positions her current self with her past self. Because this third lesson with Mr. Alvarez doesn’t go so well, she blames no one but herself. She looks to things she could have done better in her immediate past.

Cheryl indicates that because the previous day’s lesson with Max went so well that she thought this lesson would too. She kind of scolds herself. She “should expect”

(D6.3) the techniques she practiced with Max “to be completely solidified yet” (D6.3).

She still has a lot to learn. Mr. Alvarez gives her “some exercises” (D6.4) to practice and again Cheryl looks to the future hoping that these exercises “will be pretty useful” (D6.6).

These six lines, however, are just a generalized overview of the lesson as a whole. She spends most of the entry focused on what she could have done in her past to have made it better. While Cheryl does qualify the difficulties of this lesson by noting that she had fulfilled the assignment of memorizing two new arts songs as well as their translations

(D6.8) and by taking comfort that Mr. Alvarez “could hear improvement” (D6.19) from the previous lesson, the focus is on her weaknesses. Note that she credits Max, not Mr.

Alvarez, for the “progress” (D6.21) she has made to this point.

Although Cheryl doesn’t directly blame herself, she indicates that the reasons she

“kept messing up” (D6.10) were due to her own shortcomings. She found it “hard to focus on remembering the words and working on the technique at the same time” (D6.9).

While the songs were “fairly simple” (D6.11), they rested in an “uncomfortable” (D6.12)

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“shift area between [the] low range and [the] high range” (D6.13) of her voice. She justifies Mr. Alvarez’s rationale for having her sing these songs because these songs require her “to deal with this part of [her] voice, instead of choosing songs where [she] can avoid it” (D6.16). Cheryl says this is “good” (D6.17) for her even if it’s “not exactly fun singing songs that point out [her] flaws” (D6.18). While Cheryl doesn’t directly say she has avoided this area of her voice in the past in order to sound her best, she hints that this is the case. The underlying message is that if she had dealt with this part of her voice previously, she would have had a better lesson on this day. She sounds like she’s been humbled from the previous day’s lesson with Max where everything seemed to go so well. Cheryl identifies her lack of preparation on struggles with balance.

Cheryl directly cites a lack of preparation twice (D6.22, 25). Cheryl says she

“stumbled over the notes” (D6.24), because piano requires “lots of repetition” (D6.26) and thus “a lot of time” (D6.28). While she is getting “1.5-2 hours of practicing” (D6.29) each day, she is up against many constraints on her time (D6.30-32). While the previous excerpts showed Cheryl hinting at things she could have changed in her past to be more musically effective in the present, in this excerpt Cheryl indicates that maybe she is doing all she can do and it’s still not enough. Nevertheless she ends this entry by blaming herself. Mr. Alvarez “switched out the aria with a simpler one” (D6.34). In the coming weeks, Cheryl sees the switch to a simpler aria as an indication that Mr. Alvarez thinks she’s not good enough. For now she doesn’t blame him but is instead “disappointed”

(D6.35) and “mad at [her]self” (D6.36).

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Event Series 3 (March 24-April 16). Cheryl wanted to make sure she was prepared for March 25 lesson with Mr. Alvarez. On March 24 (see Appendix D7), Cheryl writes in her journal that she listened to her recording of her last lesson with Max “a few times and knew just what to work on” (D7.16). She writes that she used all of Max’s techniques and could feel “a significant difference” (D7.18) in her voice. “It sounded big, with a clear tone and even vibrato and it felt easy and tension free” (D7.19-20). She lost track of time and sang for an hour and a half. Right before leaving the practice room, she got an acceptance letter from the last of the schools she had applied to, meaning that she had been accepted into all of the schools to which she had applied, some of the most competitive voice schools in the country. Cheryl felt very good in this moment. Her years of hard work were paying off. She references Mike’s last feedback on her journal: “In your last email you encouraged me to reflect on how far I've come instead of focusing on the negative. I figure since I'm in such a good mood tonight it would be a good time to do that” (D7.33-34). Then Cheryl detailed her musical journey from “terrible stage fright”

(D7.36) to struggles with technique to struggles with performance confidence to trying a new teacher that “really pushed me and improved my singing greatly” (D7.45) to increased confidence and reduced stage fright. She concludes the March 24 journal by saying, “Really until a few months ago, I was planning to go into music education because I didn't believe I had the talent to be a performer. I've improved my musical abilities, but I've also learned to have a healthier relationship with music” (D7.51-53). I profile this moment in Cheryl’s journey because I believe it represents a decision-point regarding her future.

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On March 25 (see Appendix D8) Cheryl was riding high as she went into the lesson with Mr. Alvarez. Unfortunately, the lesson didn’t go well. In her March 25 journal, the disappointment from the previous week’s lesson had changed into frustration, a frustration directed primarily at Mr. Alvarez. The March 25 journal represents a shift in how Cheryl positions herself in relation to the world, most notably Mr. Alvarez.

Consequently, in Table 6.3 I have divided the idea units according to positioning of character (e.g. line 3) and positioning of self (e.g. line 1) to make this contrast of positioning visible. Those lines that weren’t clearly one of these have been positioned on the center of the line to indicate that this line is not a clear example of either positioning of character or self (e.g. line 2). With that said, while some idea units are more clearly examples of positioning of character or self, this separation has been done for heuristic purposes. Looking at this passage as a whole, all the positioning work helps position

Cheryl to her audience as one feeling a little bit cheated. The positioning work specific to character and self helps justify that positioning to Mike, her audience.

I have marked evaluative adjectives and verbs in red. I believe this helps show how even in this passage, Cheryl is negotiating with herself about how to position her self and her teachers. I believe the verbs are also evaluative because they show how Cheryl is constructing certain types of actions that she does and certain types of actions that her teachers, especially Mr. Alvarez, do not do.

Because the March 25 entry is 2 ½ single-spaced pages, I will discuss Cheryl’s

March 25 journal thematically. I have identified the following themes: hoping; blaming herself; detailing her hard work; blaming Mr. Alvarez; contrasting Max to Mr. Alvarez.

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Table 6.3: Hoping in Cheryl’s March 25, 2015 journal

Line Positioning of Other Character Positioning of Self # (Mr. Alvarez) (Cheryl) 1 Well, the lesson didn't go as well as I hoped. 2 It started pretty good. 3 In my warm ups he could hear improvements in my tone and vibrato. 4 Then we went to my aria From line 1, this journal contrasts sharply with the previous day’s entry, which was full of hope and excitement. Things started out “pretty good” (D8.2). Mr. Alvarez “could hear improvements” (D8.3). Cheryl doesn’t indicate that Mr. Alvarez commented upon improvements, but she does use her warm-ups’ performance as a contrast to her performance of the aria. Perhaps this indicates that Cheryl craves encouragement. She needs him to hear her improvements. See line 30 where she expresses frustrations that he didn’t notice her improvements. Also see lines 31-33 where she characterizes Max by his inclination to see her emerging abilities. In line 4, there is a pivot away from Mr.

Alvarez’s ability to hear her improvements meaning that Mr. Alvarez, at least in Cheryl’s telling, sees the aria as a source of weakness in Cheryl. The fourth line of this journal dashes all the high hopes of the previous day’s journal. Cheryl transitions into blaming herself but then quickly blames Mr. Alvarez for not helping her in the way she needs.

Table 6.4: Cheryl’s March 25, 2015 journal: Blaming herself

Line Positioning of Other Character Positioning of Self # (Mr. Alvarez) (Cheryl) 4 Then we went to my aria 5 and I struggled with the first part of the song (which is the most difficult). 6 It was a really bad idea to sing for that long last night, 7 because my voice was still tired 8 and the high notes were hard to get out. Continued

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Table 6.4 Continued

49 Right now I feel stressed, sad, frustrated, and pissed off. 50 I feel like it's my fault I'm not getting anything out of these lessons. 51 Like I just need to sing better 52 so he'll stop throwing new songs at me 53 and I need to just be more open to his teaching style. 54 He's been teaching for a long time and had a pretty good career as an opera singer 55 so he must be good, right? In these sections (D8.4-8, D8.49-55), she identifies her own failings as probably cause for her frustrations. Singing so long the night before was “a really bad idea” (D8.6). Later, she identifies several emotions—“stressed, sad, frustrated, and pissed off” (D8.49)—as being her “fault” (D8.50). She seems to be reasoning with herself and even appropriating the Lincoln ethos of taking initiative to overcome struggles. She identifies two things she could do: If she only sang “better” (D8.51), Mr. Alvarez wouldn’t feel compelled to constantly throw “new songs” (D8.52) at her; she needs to be “more open to his teaching style” (D8.53). Even in the midst of pointing the finger at herself, however, she seems to doubt whether she is the real cause of things not going well. When trying to justify herself as the fall guy, she offers a seemingly lukewarm appraisal of Mr. Alvarez’s

“pretty good career as an opera singer” (D8.54) and is perhaps trying to convince herself when she questions, “he must be pretty good, right?” (D8.55). Keep in mind that these passages frame the target of most of Cheryl’s finger pointing, Mr. Alvarez. These are brief respites from accusations against him. For example, while she blames herself in line

50, she is again blaming Mr. Alvarez by line 60. This suggests that Cheryl is willing to entertain other possibilities for her frustration but not for very long.

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Table 6.5: Cheryl’s March 25, 2015 Journal: Detailing her hard work

Line Positioning of Other Character Positioning of Self # (Mr. Alvarez) (Cheryl) 11 I really worked hard this week on my music and tried to come in with a good attitude and an open mind, 12 but the lesson still didn’t go well.

29 I really had made some good progress on it the past few days 30 and he didn’t hear any of that.

34 I put so much work into that aria 35 and I really want to keep working on it. 36 I still have almost 2 months to work on it. 37 If I keep with the progress I’m making, it could sound pretty great by the performance.

56 It's so frustrating that I'm trying so hard 57 and I feel like I'm making progress ...... and then going to a lesson and not feeling like I really impressed him or he notices ...... all the work I put in. Notice how Cheryl positions herself as “really work[ing] hard” and one who “tried” to have “a good attitude and an open mind” (D8.11). Except for the lukewarm praise of Mr.

Alvarez’s “pretty good career” (transcript 6.4.54), Cheryl doesn’t position Mr. Alvarez as someone with intentions for his actions. Notice too that Cheryl constructs a demarcation between her working hard and the lesson not going well (D8.12). She can control the hard work, but she suggests that only Mr. Alvarez can control if the lesson goes well because she can’t control Mr. Alvarez’s ability and/or willingness to hear Cheryl’s progress on the aria (D8.29-30). Cheryl positions herself as one who has grown so much over the past few years in her vocal ability and as one who can “keep with the progress

[she’s] making” (D8.37). She thus possesses a vision of the success she can have with this aria too if given sufficient time “to keep working on it” (D8.35). Mr. Alvarez not

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recognizing her hard work as an indication of future success is a major source of tension for Cheryl. Cheryl feels that if she could just “impress” Mr. Alvarez or get him to

“notice” her “work” (D8.57), then he would believe in her potential for progress like she does. Because getting him to notice is seemingly impossible, she blames him for her limitations.

Table 6.6: Cheryl’s March 25, 2015 journal: Blaming Mr. Alvarez

Line Positioning of Other Character Positioning of Self # (Mr. Alvarez) (Cheryl) 9 I was hoping ...... he would help me with it, point out ...... what I needed to fix, . . . but no. 10 He just decided to read through some new repertoire.

13 I feel like ...... the majority of the lesson was just him talking about the himself and his expiriences in the opera business and trying out different new repertoire. 14 He has a lot of good insight on the opera business and interesting stories to tell, 15 but honestly I didn’t pay to hear his stories. 16 I want to learn to sing. 17 It’s fine that he wants to try some new repertoire, 18 but it’s annoying that I learned new songs from last week 19 and he didn’t listen to them...... until I asked if he wanted to hear them. 20 Doing all these new songs I can’t focus on my technique; 21 I’m just learning new songs and then moving on to other new ones before I can sound good on them. 22 then he said he doesn’t know if he wants me singing the aria I’ve been working on. Continued

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Table 6.6 Continued 23 He said he wants me singing a song that’s easier

24 because he doesn’t want outsiders thinking he assigned a too difficult aria to a young singer and in case I happen to get sick or something. 25 This got me really upset. 26 He heard just a few measures that day ...... and on a day when my throat was tired. 27 He didn’t really help me with it, 28 he just decided to move on to other stuff. 29 I really had made some good progress on it the past few days 30 and he didn’t hear any of that. In this passage, Cheryl positions Mr. Alvarez as a teacher who spends the bulk of his lessons (lessons Cheryl is paying a lot of money for) telling stories about the opera business (D8.13-14) and constantly piling new repertoire onto Cheryl (D8.17), repertoire he doesn’t listen to after Cheryl spends the week learning it (D8.19). Perhaps most damning from Cheryl’s perspective is his uncertainty about letting Cheryl even sing the aria at the performance for fear of “outsiders thinking he assigned a too difficult aria to a young singer” (D8.24). The suggestion that Cheryl needs an “easier” (D8.23) song is perhaps insulting to her. Such decisions are being made with Mr. Alvarez hearing “just a few measures” (D8.26) on a day when Cheryl’s “throat was tired” (D8.26). On top of all of that, he “didn’t really help” (D8.27) Cheryl with what she did sing. Overall, Cheryl portrays Mr. Alvarez as a teacher who tells stories, assigns work, worries about his reputation above his students’ needs/desires, doesn’t help, and doesn’t listen. Meanwhile,

Cheryl positions herself as frustrated/ cheated because “she didn’t pay to hear his stories.

[She] want[s] to learn to sing” (D8.15-16), meaning Mr. Alvarez’s instruction is not helping her achieve that objective. Cheryl positions herself as the one doing things. She

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learns the songs. She asks Mr. Alvarez to hear them. She is the one making progress outside of the lessons and if Mr. Alvarez can’t hear that progress, it’s likely his fault.

Also see lines 38-44 and 60-71 for basically restatements of these positionings. Cheryl is clearly upset. Cheryl, who had previously described herself as “not someone who curses a lot”” (D5.57) takes this occasion to curse mildly. Mr. Alvarez “scolded” (D8.64) her for working her voice so hard the night before and recommended she spend more time practicing the piano. Cheryl wondered, “How the hell am I supposed to do that?”

(D8.65). She had come to New York to study voice, not piano.

Table 6.7: Cheryl’s March 25, 2015 journal: Contrasting Max to Mr. Alvarez

Line Positioning of Other Character Positioning of Self # (Max) (Cheryl) 31 Max said in my lesson “I would never assign this aria to someone your age, 32 but honey you can do it. You’re very advanced.” 33 You’re very advanced.”

45 [Mr. Alvarez] said I might still be able to sing the aria, 46 but he’ll have to talk to Gentry and Max. 47 I’ll try my best to sound really good next week 48 And I hope ...... Max convinces him to let me sing it.

56 It's so frustrating that I'm trying so hard 57 and I feel like I'm making progress ...... and then going to a lesson and not feeling like I really impressed [Mr. Alvarez] or he notices ...... all the work I put in. 58 I'm paying Mr.Alvarez over doble ...... what Max charges, 59 but I've learned...... so much less from him.

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Finally, the voice coach Max serves as a contrast to Mr. Alvarez. Recall that

Cheryl initially didn’t expect much from her lessons with him. As has been described, she experienced a reversal of those expectations. Max is referenced three different times in the March 25 journal. Each of those references: Max apparently recognizes Cheryl’s ability by telling her she is very “advanced” (D8.32-33) whereas Cheryl doesn’t think

Mr. Alvarez does. Given that Cheryl has spent so much time writing about how Mr.

Alvarez doesn’t hear Cheryl’s progress (to the point of suggesting she’s not ready to do the aria), Cheryl seems to be suggesting that what she needs in a teacher is someone that expresses confidence in her abilities, something Max has done.

He has power to change Mr. Alvarez’s mind whereas Cheryl apparently doesn’t despite her best efforts to sound “really good” (D8.47). Although the March 25 lesson was only Cheryl’s third with Mr. Alvarez, she has painted a hopeless picture where her best efforts aren’t enough. Max has power that she doesn’t have and she hopes he will use it for her. He charges half as much as Mr. Alvarez and Cheryl says she is learning “so much less” (D8.59) from Mr. Alvarez. This description calls into question the practicality of even continuing lessons with Mr. Alvarez.

Mike’s March 31 Interaction and the Co-Construction of Meaning

Dewey (1938) argues that for experience to be educative, the teacher, “being more mature” (p. 38) must “judge what attitudes are actually conducive to continued growth and what are detrimental” (p. 39). The teacher must direct the “moving force” (p. 38) of the student’s experience into “educational resources” (p. 40). Mike’s March 31 response

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(see Appendix D9) Cheryl’s recent frustrations suggests how responding to students’ immediate narrativizations of experience can be educative.

Mike suggests to Cheryl that she needs to change her thinking in order to fully embrace the power of confidence. Mike’s feedback for Cheryl positions her as one who can overcome challenges by choosing to act without a perfect knowledge of how things will turn out. To do this, he has to draw upon how Cheryl wrote about her confidence—or to be more precise her lack of confidence—to confront Mr. Alvarez with her frustrations over how things have been going in her voice lessons. One way he does this is through interspersing declarative statements with reflective questions. In this case, those declarations are regarding the issue of confidence. See Transcript 6.2 below.

Transcript 6.2: Mike’s March 31, 2015 reflective questions on confidence part 1

Speaker Idea unit

24 As for the content, there are a few things that strike me about the writing. 25 The first thing that comes to mind as I read is that this journal is loaded with the question of "confidence". 26 Are you going to have the confidence you need when you need it? 27 Will you be able to find the confidence you need when you seek it? 28 The measure of confidence in one's mind comes with the facts one can find to rely on as evidence. 29 All of your journal seems to be laced with looking for the confidence you need when you need to use it. 30 But what is confidence? 31 Is it the belief in one's ability to do, or the belief in one's ability that they "could" do it? 32 When we believe we can do it and have done it before, I don't think we are really talking about confidence. 33 In that vain we are talking about historical evidence... "been there done that" modality. 34 However, when we are talking about grasping for something that we have never reached for before..."the leap of faith"..."the jumping into the deep end"...this is where confidence lives. Continued

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Transcript 6.2 Continued 35 The ability to believe in your strengths and talents that exist within you to pull you through the unknown and the unfamiliar. ______

First, Mike diagnoses Cheryl’s writing as being “loaded with the question of

‘confidence’” (D9.25). The fact that Mike put the word confidence in quotation marks is significant given that he is about to call the common definition of confidence—or at least the definition that Cheryl seems to be operating under—into question. He uses questions to call Cheryl to reflect on whether she has enough confidence (D9.26-27). Then he calls what he views as Cheryl’s manner of defining confidence into question (D9.29-33). This allows him to then redefine the concept of confidence (D9.34) and then declare that

Cheryl has the strength to be confident according to this definition (D9.35).

Another move he makes is to use pronouns. As Table 6.8 shows, the use of the pronouns allows Mike to make the following responsive moves to Cheryl’s narrativizations: state his impression that Cheryl’s current issue is one of confidence (me,

I); question whether she will have and will find the confidence she needs to be successful

(you); State how confidence is often warranted by evidence (one); restate how confidence is Cheryl’s current issue (your, you); call the commonly accepted definition of confidence into question by using a sentence with no pronouns: “But what is confidence?” (D9.30); use a question to repeat the commonly accepted definition of confidence (one); negate the common definition and then suggest a new definition (we); declare that Cheryl can have confidence according to the suggested definition (your, you). Such zigzags (from Mike’s impressions to calls for Cheryl to reflect to declarations about how people typically warrant the possession of confidence to suggestions about

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how confidence should be defined and finally the suggestion that Cheryl can be confident

according to the suggested definition) position Cheryl as an active agent. She can use her

past experience to inform her future action.

Table 6.8: Mike’s use of pronouns in the journal interaction

Line 1st Person 2nd Person 3rd Person Type of Function of Sentence Pronoun Pronoun Pronoun Sentence 24-25 I (1) Declarative (2) Declaring that confidence is C’s Me (1) current issue 26-27 You (6) Interrogative (2) Questioning whether C will have and will find confidence 28 One (2) Declarative (1) Stating how confidence is often warranted by evidence 29 Your (1) Declarative (1) Declaring that confidence is C’s You (2) current issue 30 BUT WHAT IS CONFIDENCE? Interrogative (1) Calling the common definition of confidence into question 31 One (2) Interrogative (1) Using a question to repeat the They (1) common definition of confidence 32-33 We (4) Declarative (2) Negating common view of confidence 34 We (2) Declarative (1) Suggesting an alternative definition for confidence 35 Your (1) Declarative (1) Declaring that C can have You (2) confidence according to the suggested definition

TOTALS 8 12 5 Declarative: 8 Interrogative: 4

25 total pronouns are used in this passage. Five (one, they) of those are used to call the

common way of warranting one’s confidence according to the evidence of one’s

achievements into question. 12 of those (you, your) position Cheryl as one who can

reflect and then take action to overcome her current issue with confidence. Six of those

(we) address what Cheryl and Mike (and by implication other human beings) can do; in

this case redefine confidence. The emphasis on “we” positions Cheryl and Mike as

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equals, both struggling to attain “something we have never reached before” (D9.34).

Mike encourages her to “believe in [her] strengths and talents that exist within [her] to pull [her] through the unknown and the unfamiliar” (D9.35). Following this passage, he continues to validate Cheryl by saying she has already experienced tremendous growth over the course of Walkabout. He validates her frustrations but he also emphasizes that she can overcome them: “How you handle them and learn from them will tell you more about yourself than you thought possible.” Notice that Mike doesn’t tell her what to do to solve her frustrations. Instead he’s used narrativizations as a tool for Cheryl’s reflection and then action.

Mike’s insistence on not telling Cheryl what exactly to do continues into the next section. See Transcript 6.3 below. This doesn’t mean, however, that Mike doesn’t attempt to position the characters in Cheryl’s narrativizations in particular ways for particular purposes. Mike constructs his own narrativizations of Cheryl, laced with reflective questions to warrant his implicit suggestion that Cheryl has come too far to not take the next step in her progress as a singer.

Transcript 6.3: Mike’s March 31, 2015 reflective questions on confidence part 2

Speaker Idea unit

65 Mike Lastly, confidence in your vocal music lesson. 66 Your frustration is so high, 67 but it is because you believe in yourself. 68 You believe in the skills that you've mastered and the skills that you are in the process of perfecting. 69 You have the confidence to perform. 70 You may not have had that originally when you started out 4 years ago, 71 but who would really? Continued

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Transcript 6.3 Continued 72 After four years, and countless teachers you have proven to yourself that you have the capacity to take a raw talent and refine it through dedicating yourself and persevering through the difficult times. 73 You are at a point that you don't want to take a step back. 74 Mr. Alvarez may not want you to sing the aria. 75 You want to prove that you can do it. 76 To yourself and to this teacher. 77 What are you going to do? 78 You wouldn't let Chase or Mike talk you down from doing something that your are passionate about, 79 why this guy? 80 Because he has been in an opera? 81 What? 82 Is he the only dude out there to ever perform on stage in an opera? 83 Is that what makes him so impressive, 84 that you can't say, "Wait...I admit, I over worked my voice this week, 85 but I have worked at it, 86 now sit and listen and tell me what I need to do." 87 Is this type of confidence in yourself the same confidence you need to have to tell the 55 year old delusional dude on the street to get lost? 88 I don't know. 89 Only you know. 90 I guess if you had to choose between two regrets which one would you want? 91 The one where you tell Mr. Alvarez what you are thinking and risk annoying your teacher for a moment, 92 or NOT telling him what you need and risk going back to the hostel annoyed beyond belief. 93 Everyone has different levels of tolerance, 94 but from where I sit, it starting to sound that you are not comfortable sitting back and letting all your effort not be put to some use. ______

Unlike this previous section (Transcript 6.2), Transcript 6.3 does not use a variety of pronouns to reference how Mike and other people generally think about things. This passage uses 35 second person pronouns (you, your) in 30 lines. It thus positions Cheryl as someone who must make a decision. She must make the decision now. No one else can make this decision for her. Mike draws upon her past experiences as a Walkabout student but also upon her pre-Walkabout experiences to warrant an argument for taking action based on her past growth as a performer and her past success at effectively

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communicating with adults. Basically, Mike is asking two questions: Why can’t you grow this time? Why can’t you effectively communicate with this adult? I have separated this portion of his response into seven parts. See Figure 5.1 below. I have done this to make visible how Mike is warranting his argument regarding what Cheryl should consider when reflecting upon her decision.

78-83: 90-94: 65-72: 73-76: You wouldn't 87-89: If you had to You believe You want to 84-86: let your Is this the choose in yourself prove that 77: You can tell Lincoln right between two because you can sing What are you your teacher teachers talk decision? regrets, you’ve the aria to going to do? to listen to Only you you down you which one grown yourself and from your would you before. your teacher. know. passion. want?

Figure 6.1: The structure of Mike’s warrants for Cheryl taking action

Mike demonstrates his “capacity for sympathetic understanding his own experience has given him” (Dewey, 1938, p. 38). He also demonstrates a “sympathetic understanding of individuals as individuals which gives him an idea of what is actually going on in the minds of those who are learning” (p. 39). Mike recognizes the frustration of Mr. Alvarez not fully recognizing Cheryl’s capacity for growth when she’s grown before (D9.65-72).

He empathizes with Cheryl’s desire to prove that she can sing the harder aria (D9.73-76), but he refrains from telling Cheryl exactly what she should do. Instead he puts the onus

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on her to decide (D9.77). Still, he frames her decision with her past experiences at

Lincoln. Mike points out that she wouldn’t have let her Lincoln teachers talk her out of pursuing her passion (D9.78-83). He stresses the Lincoln ethos of taking initiative by reminding Cheryl that she doesn’t have to internalize all of her frustrations; she can talk to her teacher (D9.84-86). He emphasizes that his feedback does not rob Cheryl of her agency in this matter. This is her decision (D9.87-89), but she should look into the future and consider what regrets might come with her choices (D9.90-94). In her April 4 and

April 16 journals, Cheryl responds to some of these ideas.

Cheryl’s April 4 and April 16 Interaction and the Co-Construction of Meaning

Dewey (1938) writes that “there is no intellectual growth without some reconstruction, some remaking, of impulses and desires in the form in which they first show themselves” (p. 64). Cheryl’s reactions to Mike’s reactions demonstrate such a reconstruction and remaking, and thus according to Dewey, growth.

In Cheryl’s April 4 journal (see Appendix D10), she writes to Mike directly. She thanks him but then attempts to show that she has taken his ideas from his March 31 response and tried to appropriate them. She reports that Mike’s response plus a quick trip home on the weekend of April 3 – 5 caused her to re-think how she’d been positioning people and constructing meaning out of her experiences. For ease of discussion, I’ve broken her reaction to Mike’s response into four categories: reflecting on confidence, taking risks, and growth; choosing to be pro-active; developing emotional maturity; recognizing the challenges of growth.

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Transcript 6.4: Reflecting on confidence, taking risks, and growth in Cheryl’s April

4, 2015 journal

Idea unit 22 Mike, thank you for taking the time to write such great responses to my journals. 23 Particularly the last response was exactly what I needed to hear and gave me a lot to think about. 24 I had never really thought of the actual meaning of confidence. 25 I reflected on the idea of taking risks 26 and I realized the times when I took risks where when I grew the most. 27 Everything from performances, to talking to someone for the first time, to singing a challenging song, to teaching a class, to moving to New York. 28 Even when I took risks that ended up with a horrible outcomes, I still learned from those experiences 29 and that is so much better than the regret of not trying. 30 As far as lessons with Mr. Alvarez go: I'm starting to realize that in the music world there's going to be some crazy people and people I disagree with, 31 but I'm going to have to learn how to work with them. 32 I don't particularly like Mr. Alvarez's teaching style, 33 but I'm only working with him temporarily. 34 My lesson this week went better 35 because I went in with a more positive attitude. ______

Cheryl shows a willingness to follow Mike’s ideas regarding how to make meaning of her experiences. She states that Mike gave her “a lot to think about” (D10.23); things like

“the actual meaning of confidence” (D10.24) and “the idea of taking risks” (D10.25). She uses the rest of her entry reporting the substance of her reflecting upon those topics. In this excerpt, she lists examples of when she’s grown the most by taking risks (D10.26-

27). She reports a sentiment aligned with the Lincoln ethos of learning from experiences, even failed experiences (D10.28-29). Then she applies these thoughts to Mr. Alvarez.

Whereas her March 25 journal was full of blame for Mr. Alvarez, this entry offers a different perspective: the need in the music business to learn to work with “crazy people and people I disagree with” (D10.30). This sentiment puts the responsibility of

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successfully working with people on Cheryl. While Cheryl doesn’t really like Mr.

Alvarez’s teaching methods (D10.32), she identifies her time with him as temporary or in other words, one link in the chain of her ongoing growth. She reports that her most recent lesson went “better” (D10.34) simply because she approached it with a “more positive attitude” (D10.35). Thus Cheryl isn’t only speaking to Mike’s suggested reflections, she is giving evidence of how she’s already used them to change how she’s making meaning of her experiences. See more examples of her being proactive in Transcript 6.5.

Transcript 6.5: Cheryl’s journal April 4, 2015: Choosing to be pro-active

Idea unit 36 I also did my best to steer the lesson in the direction I wanted to go. 37 I would point out things I was having trouble with and wanted help with. 38 I would remind him of the songs he assigned me 39 so he wouldn't have me sight read new songs. 40 I suggested the song that would be my back-up aria if I don't end up singing the difficult one. ______

In her March 25 journal entry, Cheryl wrote with great frustration about having to ask

Mr. Alvarez to listen to the songs she’d been assigned to practice: “it’s annoying that I learned new songs from last week and he didn’t listen to them until I asked if he wanted to hear them” (D8.19-21). Here, Cheryl writes of things she did to patiently get what she wanted from the lesson without making any assumptions about what Mr. Alvarez should be doing:

• “steer the lesson” (D10.36)

• “point out things I was having trouble with” (D10.37)

• “remind him of the songs he assigned me” (D10.38)

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• “suggested the song that would be my back-up aria” (D10.39)

The focus on the verbs in these four examples shows Cheryl embodying the Lincoln ethos of taking initiative rather than sitting passively, even when she might not be getting everything she wants. One of the major tensions in the March 25 journal was Mr.

Alvarez’s reported suggestion that Cheryl should sing an easier aria. Cheryl wanted to prove that she could sing the aria. Still, even in this case, Cheryl is demonstrating a willingness to follow her teacher’s lead, despite not agreeing with it. She is demonstrating trust in Mr. Alvarez but also in Mike and her other Lincoln teachers who repeatedly speak of the value of learning from experiences, including failures. By suggesting a “back-up aria” (D10.40), Cheryl is demonstrating trust in the process but also a devotion to being proactive in defining the situation as best she can. In fact,

Transcript 6.6 shows another example of her distancing herself from her former reactions.

Transcript 6.6: Cheryl’s April 4, 2015 journal: Developing emotional maturity

Idea unit 41 I think I took things too personally in some of my previous lessons. 42 It's okay for me to be annoyed, 43 but nothing Mr. Alvarez has said to me was meant as an attack or insult. 44 I would not want to study with him long term, 45 but for now I will just have to make the best of the situation. ______

Remember that Cheryl’s March 25 appraisal of Mr. Alvarez as a teacher was very negative. She repeatedly positioned him as a teacher who tells stories, assigns work, worries about his reputation above his students’ needs/desires, doesn’t help, and doesn’t listen. Here, she is more generous in her appraisal. While she admits not “want[ing] to study with him long term” (D10.44), she believes she might have taken “things too

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personally” (D10.41) and that she realized that Mr. Alvarez was not attempting to “attack or insult” (D10.43) her. She is committed to “mak[ing] the best of the situation”

(D10.45). This is the type of pivot valued by the Lincoln Walkabout program. As has been mentioned before, a common expression heard around Lincoln is “You don’t always get the Walkabout you want, but you do get the Walkabout you need.” Here we see evidence of Cheryl pivoting from her initial disappointments to a reflection on what she has actually learned and in what ways she has thus grown.

Transcript 6.7: Cheryl’s April 4, 2015 journal: Recognizing the challenges of growth

Idea unit 46 Coming home has gotten me thinking about how much I've grown in this past month and through my whole walkabout. 47 I've challenged myself so much, living on my own in an unfamiliar city, adapting to new people, managing my stress, and facing loneliness and frustration. 48 I haven't always been happy, 49 but I've made it through. 50 I've learned that I can handle this stress 51 and I'm stronger than I thought. 52 I feel ready to meet the challenges of the rest of my walkabout and the next part of my life. ______

While the March 25 journal entry showed Cheryl to be fixated on the challenge of working with Mr. Alvarez, in Transcript 6.7 she shows more of a big-picture perspective.

She lists the challenges she’s taken on (D10.47) and says she’s discovered that she’s

“stronger than [she] thought” (D10.51). She looks forward to the remaining “challenges”

(D10.52) of her Walkabout and life. Navigating the challenges of New York City, Mr.

Alvarez, stress, and isolation gives her hope that she’s prepared to face whatever challenges will come her way next. This is a sentiment that is expressed in other journals she writes through the rest of Walkabout. For example, consider her April 16 journal (see

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Appendix D12) where she elaborates on this perspective by referencing something Mike mentioned in his response to Cheryl’s very first week of Walkabout journals back in

January.

Transcript 6.8: Cheryl’s April 16 Journal: Patience

Idea unit 18 My success is dependant on keeping a healthy mindset 19 and I'll only have myself to blame when I fail. 20 Sometimes it seems that I have little control over my mental well being. 21 Some days I wake up and that negative voice in me just won't shut up. 22 I guess this is just a struggle I'm going to have to learn to deal with. 23 In the same way I need to be patient with my vocal progress, I need to be patient with my mental progress. 24 I'm still better off in my mental well being than I was a few years ago, 25 and I will continue to grow. 26 I just remembered that response to my first week of journals you wrote. 27 "Be patient with yourself. 28 As in all transformations, in reality, take some time to happen and are never as quick as Clark Kent changing into Superman. 29 Give yourself some freedom, room to grow, and forgiveness when you don't grow as fast as you desire... 30 Learn and grow. 31 Learn and grow. 32 Eventually you will have to harvest." 33 I don't know how much I listened to this the first time I read it, 34 but I now see how much it applies to my current problems. 35 I really need to be more patient with myself. ______

When Cheryl speaks of the need of having “a healthy mindset” (D12.18) and having to overcome the “negative voice” (D12.21) in her head when she feels like she has “little control over [her] mental well being” (D12.20) she is indirectly referencing learning to navigate her relationship with Mr. Alvarez and things like it. In this particular passage, she references the need for patience four times. While she references the journey of her

“vocal progress” (D12.23), she also references Mike’s first response to her journals back in January. Mike spoke of how transformations take more time than “Clark Kent

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changing into Superman” (D12.28). Mike’s counsel to “learn and grow” (D12.30-31) as

Cheryl moves toward “harvest” (D12.32) didn’t totally resonate with her when she first read it. “[N]ow [she] sees how much it applies to [her] current problems” (D12.34). By narrativizing her experiences and then reflecting upon Mike’s reflections on her narrativizations, Cheryl has applied the Lincoln ethos to her immediate situation(s). She has been able to receive guided practice in how to construct meaning of her individual experiences.

Cheryl’s Constructions of Identity in Big Story Narrativizations of Experience

As mentioned earlier in this chapter when discussing “Cheryl’s Immediate

Evaluations and Reportage Over Time,” the marked difference between Cheryl’s small story and big story narrativizations of experience is the difference between immediacy and mediacy. Recall from Chapter 2 that Shuman (1986) defines immediate stories as those that are up for negotiation and mediate stories as those not up for negotiation. In the small story narrativizations of experience, Cheryl demonstrates how she is still trying to figure things out. There is still a sense of immediacy and negotiation about who she can become and thus Mike’s feedback is instrumental in her growth. In an interview one year after returning home from Walkabout, when I asked Cheryl to read the text of her

Symposium presentation (a big story narrativizations), Cheryl told me she was now embarrassed by how naïve she sounded at the end of her Walkabout. She says she presented herself as having figured everything out. She found she still had so much to learn during her first year of music school. It was exceptionally challenging and many of the issues of self-worth and social anxiety that filled her Walkabout journal reappeared as

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struggles. Cheryl actually returned to the practice of writing journals to navigate her present situation. This effort on her part aligns with Dewey’s (1938) belief that making the present experience educative is how one makes their future meaningful:

We always live at the time we live and not at some other time, and only by

extracting at each present time the full meaning of each present experience

are we prepared for doing the same thing in the future . . . All this means is

that attentive care must be devoted to the conditions which give each

present experience a worthwhile meaning. (p. 49)

The small story narrativizations of Cheryl’s journal interactions with Mike allowed her to give “attentive care” to the “conditions” of “each present experience.” In the big story narrativizations, the focus was not on making meaning of the present as much as it was on reporting the meanings of the past. Small story narrativizations are a negotiation. Big story narrativizations are a report.

While I analyzed both of Cheryl’s two big story narrativizations of her Walkabout experiences in New York with Bamberg’s (1997) three questions for positioning, I am only going to discuss one representative example here. I do this to show the contrast between how Cheryl positioned her teachers in small story narrativizations versus big story narrativizations. Recall that her frustrations with Mr. Alvarez and her enthusiasm for Max filled the majority of Cheryl’s journal narrativizations for weeks. Notice how those experiences get narrativized in her Walkabout book submission (Appendix D13).

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Transcript 6.9: Cheryl’s Book Submission: Positioning Character: Vocal coach

Idea unit 49 One week when I was feeling particularly down, my vocal coach asked me what was wrong. 50 I didn't even have to say anything; 51 He could tell by how I was singing that something was up. 52 It was good to have someone to vent my insecurities to, particularly a singer who could understand what I was going through. 53 He was able to give me advice, 54 but also instilled me with confidence by telling me that I had no reason to feel so insecure, 55 that I was ahead of the game, and had great potential as a singer. ______

Whereas Cheryl spent a lot of time in her small story journal narrativizations detailing the differences between Mr. Alvarez, her voice teacher, and Max, her vocal coach, she doesn’t even name either of them in her big story narrativizations. Mr. Alvarez’s absence from the big story narrativizations is telling. Recall that Cheryl’s expectations regarding these two men were that she would gain the most from Mr. Alvarez. The opposite turned out to be the case. In Transcript 6.9 Cheryl is clearly talking about Max when she says

“vocal coach” (D13.49). She’d clearly distinguished the two men by their titles in her small story journal narrativizations. Here she positions Max as having many favorable qualities. Cheryl “didn’t even have to say anything” for him to be perceptive enough to sense that “something was up” (D13.51). Cheryl positions him as someone trustworthy since she felt comfortable enough to “vent [her] insecurities” (D13.52) to him. She trusted his identity as a fellow singer (D13.52). She trusted his advice. She believed him when he told her she has “great potential as a singer” (D13.55).

On another occasion, Cheryl again speaks of her “vocal coach” (D13.70) and not her voice teacher. Again the vocal coach is positioned positively. He gave Cheryl a

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helpful aphorism: “the voice is a muscle and has to be trained” (D13.70). Such advice helped Cheryl recognize she has “a long time to keep improving” (D13.71). She should

“find a balance” (D13.72) between her ambitions for progress and the progress she’s already made. Such sentiments position Max as not only a good voice teacher but also as a kind of life coach. At time in the small story narrativizations, Cheryl included very specific details about techniques and methods used during the lessons, but here in the big story narrativizations, Max is described solely as a trusted and influential confidante.

The fact that Mr. Alvarez is not even mentioned by name in Cheryl’s big story narrativizations demonstrates how the different narrative environments of small and big story narrativizations can foster different representations of experience. Even if a teacher attempted to provide feedback to Cheryl’s big story narrativizations, Mr. Alvarez’s absence would make it impossible to speak of Cheryl’s experience with him. While a big story narrativizations allows a teller distance from the events described (Freeman, 2006), they also don’t allow students to receive immediate feedback on their “immediate internal states” (Dewey, 1938 p. 42).

Individual Appropriation of Narrativizations of Experience

Cheryl demonstrated changes in her uses of immediate evaluations, identity constructions, and reflective meaning making. For Cheryl, her feelings toward herself and her voice teachers shifted a great deal throughout her journal narrativizations. She actively used her journals as a way to record her immediate feelings. She often reread passages of her journal and offered reflections on how she thought she was changing from week to week. In other words, she used past narrativizations as a way to prompt

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new narrativizations. Often those new narrativizations were prompted by Mike’s feedback.

In interviews, Cheryl talked about the value of using her journal and Seminar as places to express immediate feelings. She viewed Mike’s feedback as valuable. She used his feedback as a tool to think deeply about the meaning she was making from narrativizations of experience and as tool to see her future differently. Cheryl uses her journal to track her changing evaluations and thus positionings of the different people in her life, including herself. In fact, writing about her former self and her future self were common topics. The journals truly help capture narrativizations of constant state of becoming. She spoke of the value of capturing her immediate feelings:

it’s forced me to like be reflective of like my experiences rather than like,

I don’t know, like makes me like remember things from like previous days

because like if I was just like reflecting in my head I would be like, oh, it

was a pretty good day, yeah some stuff happened, but like writing it down

and then thinking about it and then looking back at older journals, like I

don’t know, I think that’s really good um (2), I don’t know, way to like

capture like this like changing point in my life so, yeah. (February 7

interview)

In New York, her journals helped her deal with two major struggles: self-criticism and frustrations with her voice teacher, Mr. Alvarez. Since she was largely alone, she says she used the journals as a way to work through her problems. She says she didn’t have anyone else to vent to. She was reluctant to talk to Max because he was employed by Mr.

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Alvarez. Talking with the people at her hostel was difficult because they spoke little to no

English. Talking to her family wasn’t a great help because she only called them every couple weeks. “I really needed a way to like get my feelings out and frustrations and stuff like that so, I think it was good for me to do” (May 20 interview). She also said that at home, she could avoid confronting her self-criticism, but in New York she was able to take the time to learn how to overcome it. The journal was useful in that effort: “it was also kind of good for me to learn how to you know, be in a situation where I’m alone and like learn how to not be so critical of myself like that, and um learn to deal with myself and um, but you know” (May 20 interview).

Cheryl valued Mike’s feedback. She said she didn’t want to ever lose his emails, because they meant so much to her. In fact, I interviewed her for the first time one month into her first Walkabout placement, and she quoted something Mike said in his first response:

Yeah, like that first email, I was like wow, cause like (1) especially like

right when I got it, like I was, it was before, it was like after like one week

of walkabout and I was still like (1) doubting myself a little bit and I was

nervous about my whole walkabout, and uh, I don’t know, it was, and then

like I had written about in that first email like um (1) just about my goal of

trying uh overcome anxiety like trying to change and stuff and it was nice

hearing like, you don’t have to do this like within the next two months,

like you have your whole life to be growing and stuff and I think he had

like the last line in there, it was something like “learn and grow learn and

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grow” yeah, and then eventually, you’ll have to harvest, and I like that line

a lot (February 7 interview)

Evidence of Cheryl taking this sentiment, “learn and grow,” to heart is on display throughout her narrativizations of experience. She frequently storied herself as one willing to make great sacrifice of time and comfort to improve in her navigation of the world, namely overcoming self-criticism and improving as a musician.

Looking across Cheryl’s many narrativizations of experience, including those from interviews, it is clear that she valued the opportunity to make immediate evaluations of her experiences as well as the opportunity to reflect with mentors and peers about the meaning of her narrativized experiences. She demonstrated changes in how she evaluated and positioned experiences over time. The reflective meaning making she practiced at the end of Walkabout demonstrated efforts to warrant the reasons for her former and current evaluations. It was no longer simply enough to state the evaluation; she also felt compelled to use narrativizations of experience to justify those evaluations.

In Chapter 7, I will synthesize my findings from the last three chapters. I will also discuss the theoretical and pedagogical implications of this study.

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Chapter 7: Conclusions and Implications

Theoretically, this study builds on those works that view writing as a social practice (Newell, Bloome, and Hirvela, 2015; Prior, 2005; Andrews, 1995). Specifically, this study views narrativizations as being shaped by context, in other words as a transaction experienced by people in particular ways at particular times (Bauman, 1986;

Bloome and Egan-Robertson, 1993; De Fina and Georgakopoulou, 2012) and considers narrativizations of experience as a way to draw upon students’ experience to benefit teaching and learning (Dewey, 1938; Rosenblatt, 1938). My interest in this project and my research questions grew out of a current problem in English Language Arts, as discussed in Chapter One. That problem is a lack of clarity in how to make use of students’ narrativizations of experience in regards to teaching and learning. The field of

ELA as a field of research and teaching has struggled to conceptualize narrative as more than texts with particular features (Applebee, Auten, & Lehr, 1981; Applebee & Langer,

2013; Hillocks, 2005). This dissertation contributes to the field of ELA by examining not only the what (the textual features) of narrative, but also the how (the social practices) of narrative as developed over time by Lincoln students and their teachers. It also contributes to the field of ELA by considering how narrative can be used to make experiences educative and a focus for curriculum and instruction.

This dissertation project has allowed me to study the affordances and constraints of small and big story engagements as adolescents construct narrativizations of

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experience to reflect upon and make sense of those narrativizations. In so doing, I have explored Georgakopoulou’s (2006b) call for “a much needed synergy” (p. 125) between small and big stories. In this dissertation, I have examined this potential synergy by examining the ways small and big story narrativizations are used by adolescents over time as they engage in the experiential curriculum of Walkabout. Using both small and big story narrativizations allows students to make the who, the what, and the how of narrative educative.

In this dissertation I have attempted to address the need for a greater understanding of how social and literacy practices specific to narrative develop over time not as pre-set text structures but as moments of consideration of what Lincoln Alternative

School referred to as Walkabout. This need is evident given that social practices are not accounted for in the language regarding writing instruction in the Common Core State

Standards (CCSS). Teachers are trained to focus on the who and what but not the how.

Focusing only on textual features of narrative neglects the ability of narrative to operate within communities of people.

Writing development can be viewed as not only a textual accomplishment but also as a social one, meaning narratives can be used dialogically among people. This means granting tellability to narrativizations that are not fully developed or that may not contain all the plot features typically associated with narrative. Such a move makes time and space for ongoing and evolving thinking processes. A decontextualized view on learning defines all learners as the same. It subtracts the importance of what each member of the class may contribute and thereby gain by participating in ongoing narrative

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interactions. Thus an over-emphasis on a finalized text may actually inhibit the social processes of dialogue dedicated to the negotiation of ideas and meaning making. I argue that learning is manifested through both narrative text and narrative performance

I set out to answer three research questions. I will now briefly summarize the findings from Chapters Four through Six to answer those questions.

Research Question 1: How are narrative performances mediated both institutionally and interactionally during narrativizations of experience based on the

Lincoln Walkabout?

By using discourse analysis on two key interactional events, a Seminar interaction and a journal interaction, I found that when people construct narrativizations of experience, they busily position their audience and the characters (including themselves) within their narratives to respond to a specific social situation in time and space. In other words, narrativizations of experience represent the narrator’s current feeling and/or needs. The use of small stories, or in other words narratives-in-interaction, allows meanings to be ongoing and to be directed at students’ immediate state of mind and thus help shape how students may think or act in the near future. Narrators rely on taleworld identity evaluations to justify teller identity evaluations. This means they use the narrativized taleworld identity evaluations to justify the way(s) they position their teller identity to their immediate audience. Narrators fluidly refashion their narrativizations based on the reactions they receive. This is significant to narrative as a way of knowing because if narrativized meaning making is a collaborative endeavor, the type of feedback provided to narrators matters.

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Walkabout students’ narrativizations of experience initially wonder back and forth between reportage and evaluation and don’t engage in reflective meaning making without prompting. Thus feedback needs to be aware of previous narrativizations to be totally relevant. This suggests that the move of reflective meaning making results from guided practice. When Walkabout teachers and students engage in dialogue over narrativizations of experience, the initial meaning(s) ascribed to experience(s) are considered and reconsidered. Because the practice of dialogic negotiations of constructed meanings within Walkabout builds upon an ongoing history of narrativized interactions, teacher feedback has a cumulative quality. It is never responding to only one thing, but it is responding to one thing in light of all the other preceding narrativizations.

Research Question 2: How do teachers and students, through interactions with each other over time, shape the practices of constructing identities and warranting reflections in particular ways during both the Walkabout Seminar and the Walkabout journal exchanges?

To understand the guided participation offered to Walkabout students, I examined the key events for the following: First, the use of reflective questions and/or imperatives that position student narrators as individuals who initiate action and/or new thinking.

Second, the making of meaning by interacting with the text of one’s narrativized experience(s). Using reflective questioning and interactions with narrativized texts to make meaning helped teachers and students define, clarify, challenge, and even defend what they were learning. These dialogic practices often required students to articulate their thinking and thus prompted them to engage in future action and/or new thinking

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regarding their narrativizations of experience. These practices required students to consider how others viewed their narrativizations of experience and to respond accordingly, both in word and in action.

The discourse created by teachers in their guided practice focused on elements of the Lincoln ethos, such things as taking initiative, learning by confronting challenges, and reflective learning. Teacher questions and comments often challenged students to see themselves from a different perspective. Reflection upon the narrativizations enabled teachers and students to use their narrativizations as vehicles for extended thought and later, action. Working by analogy, just as Rosenblatt’s (1995) has argued that students need an opportunity to analyze and reflect upon what they experienced when reading a piece of literature, what students experience when constructing narrativizations of experience also needs to be reflectively considered. Affording such opportunities engages students and teachers in a re-seeing of narrativizations and thus uses narrativizations as a tool for meaning making.

Within the contexts of Seminar discussions, guided practice often consisted of teachers using pronouns to state their experience of listening and/or reading students’ narrativizations. In other words, teachers spoke to their own experience of listening to students’ narrativizations of experience. They then provided feedback based on the experience they had with the students’ narrativizations. They offered suggestions based on their experience with “reading” the students’ narrativizations and used pronouns to frame future action as being in the students’ hands. Such a move is different than telling the students what they should do or what their narrativizations must mean, because the

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Lincoln teachers’ guided practice of stating their experience creates a dialogic interaction where both parties’ contributions are positioned as worthy of consideration. Such dialogic interactions give students an opportunity to react to their mentors’ reactions and thus co- construct meaning. Students are asked to reflect on what they should do, but they are not told exactly what they should do.

Guided practice feedback is often framed in references to time: what has already been overcome and/or what can be overcome by using elements of the Lincoln ethos.

Teachers looked across students’ narrativizations of past and present experiences to inform the meanings they constructed. As mentioned in Chapter 4, the guided practice teachers offer had a cumulative effect. As time goes on, the constrcution of meaning takes students’ present narrativizations into account with past narrativizations. The construction of meaning teachers suggest when interacting with narrativized texts is ongoing. Past and present narrativizations are often used to project future narrativizations. A common way of interacting with narrativized texts is by introducing comparable narrativizations. Interactions with narrativizations help keep them immediate, meaning their meanings are still subject to negotiations. Engaging in such discourse reveals “ever newer ways to mean” (Bakhtin, 1981, p. 346). A common expression heard at Lincoln is “You don’t always get the Walkabout you want, but you do get the

Walkabout you need.” Teachers often reminded students of this expression to help student pivot from their initial evaluations to consider the ways in which they grew of the things they actually learned.

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Research Question 3: How do case study students story their identities and experiences in small story and big story settings? What connections exist between identities and experience constructed in small stories and those constructed in big stories?

In regards to small story narrativizations, each of the case study students reported that journaling about their ongoing experiences coupled with ongoing feedback was instrumental in capturing how they felt at a particular moment and how those feelings evolved as they reflected upon more experiences over time. Oftentimes this meant considering what teachers identified as possible flaws in students’ thinking as manifested by their narrativizations of experience. All of the case study students spoke positively of journaling for its ability to capture that which would have likely been forgotten and thus enabled them, through rereading their journals, to understand how they had changed and grown. The journals also helped them identify what they wanted to change or learn as they continued. Thus, the case study students didn’t just “learn’ by having experiences on

Walkabout, but they had more opportunities to make sense of their experiences through narrativizations of those experiences. The component of extended time was critical in this endeavor since students needed to be immersed in their experience and needed to have multiple experiences so that they could compare feelings and reactions over time.

Students often used past narrativizations as a way to prompt new narrativizations. The small story narrativizations allowed them to position themselves as uncertain and struggling and thus invite feedback relevant to their particular experience. Over time, there is an incremental and cumulative nature to reflection upon experience. One doesn’t

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know all the meanings to construct from experience right away, but over time, the meanings one constructs from those experiences become more apparent. As the positioning of identities changed over time, so did the meaning(s) constructed from students’ experiences, meaning changes in positioning indicated changes in reflective meaning making. These changes in reflective meaning making were evident in the big story narrativizations.

According to interviews I conducted with students, they felt a certain obligation to position themselves as having a positive and even humorous experiences when performing the big story narrativizations. The big story narrativizations often glossed over or avoided the major emotional challenges and frustrations and presented the students as having arrived at a place of clarity where major struggles had been settled.

The big story narrativizations position “persons as texts” (Bamberg, 2006, p. 142). This allowed students to use their big story narrativizations to positively position themselves and the Walkabout program. The big story narrativizations invited little to no feedback.

For example, two of the case study students’ big story narrativizations left out direct mentions of major characters from their small story narrativizations. For example,

Cheryl’s journals were full of narrativizations about Mr. Alvarez, but in her big story narrativizations, he isn’t even mentioned. He was a major source of frustration for Cheryl and thus a major factor in how Cheryl chose to construct her small story narrativizations.

In interviews, Cheryl mentioned that she didn’t want to delve into her frustrations in such a public setting because she wanted her book submission and Symposium presentation to be more about her own growth, a narrative move also valued by Lincoln. She indicated

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that she didn’t want to dwell on the negative, because she feared she might give these specific individuals or just Walkabout in general a bad name. Because the big story narrativizations received little to no feedback, students had only a single opportunity to position themselves and their Walkabout experiences. They chose to conceal the details of their day to day struggles in favor of positively positioning themselves and the

Walkabout Program.

Such a contrast of moves from the small story narrativizations indicates that small and big story narrativizations were performed with different audiences and used to fulfill different purposes. Big story narrativizations were primarily used to position both the individual student and Walkabout in a positive light. The small story narrativizations, meanwhile, primarily served the purpose of giving students a chance to wrestle with their immediate struggles and receive assistive feedback over time. Whereas students felt empowered to write of their vulnerabilities in their journals, in their book submissions and Symposium presentations, their narrativizations presented more of a big picture and restrained perspective. It was less about “what I’m feeling right now” and more about using narrativizations as a settled testament of what they did and learned.

Theoretical Implications

This dissertation contributes to our understanding of the teaching and learning of writing in at least two ways: (1) narrativizations can be used as a heuristic for coming to know and understand experiential knowledge, and (2) guided practice through dialogic exchanges regarding narrativizations of experiences helps make narrative personally relevant to students.

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Narrativizations as a Heuristic for Coming to Know

The definitions of narrative are many. The field of narrative has been built on scholarship viewing narrative as a text type: studies of literary works seeking to identify universal features: (Propp, 1968; Barthes, 1977; Bremond, 1973; Greimas, 1983;

Todorov, 1969); cognitive approaches such as story grammars (Mandler and Johnson,

1977; Mandler, 1984) and story schemas (Rumelhart, 1975; Schank and Abelson, 1977).

The still-famous Labovian model (Labov and Waletzky, 1967; Labov, 1972) was used to analyze narratives told in interviews. Labov’s model, like other structural works, was interested in “constructing narrative units which match the temporal sequence” (Labov and Waletzky, 1967, p. 13) of a reported experience.

Despite later work that looked at narrative as a performance (Bauman, 1986) or an interaction (Shuman, 1986), the view of narrative as a set of structures persists in school standards for writing such as CCSS. As I have argued in this study, recent conceptualizations of small stories and big stories helps emphasize the significance of

“the smallness of talk” (De Fina and Georgakopoulou, 2012, p. 116) but the concept of

“smallness of talk” has not been applied to understanding teaching and learning over time. Georgakopoulou (2006b) called for “a much needed synergy” (p. 125) between small and big stories, but did so in regards to the sociolinguistic study of narrative and not in the context of teaching and learning of narrative. Using the small and big story concepts allows researchers to classify the teaching and learning of narrative writing according to both social interactions and textual compositions as well as attending to both immediacy and reflection. This dissertation provides empirical evidence of the

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affordances and constraints of small story and big story narrativizations in a schooled context. Students were learning how to use their narrativizations to accomplish social processes such as expressing evaluations of people, places or things; constructing identities to position oneself or others in local and global contexts; engage in reflective meaning making to demonstrate how one’s experiences can be used as tools of teaching and learning.

This dissertation applies Rosenblatt’s (1938/1995) transactional theory of literature to narrativizations of experience over time. She argues that students need to experience literature and not just know about it. Through experiencing the literature, literature is made relevant to students’ own experiences, both temporal and emotional.

She likens the typical literature class to watching sports. “The students sit on the sidelines watching the instructor or professor react to works of art. Though the student may develop a certain discrimination in the appreciation of professional taste, this often tends to obscure the need for the student himself to develop a personal sense of literature” (pp.

57-58). She later likens this to “a screen between the student and the book” (p. 59). In other words, the literature is only meaningful if one experiences it firsthand.

Experiencing the literature, according to Rosenblatt, means one’s understanding of his/her life experience impacts one’s understanding of literature and one’s understanding of literature impacts one’s understanding of his/her life experience.

This dissertation also applies to how Dewey (1938) discusses educative experiences being defined by two criteria: continuity of experience and interaction. The

Walkabout program applies to these concepts by requiring students to engage in ongoing

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narrativizations of experience over time. By having students engage with experiences over an extended time while interacting with teachers and peers about the educative value of those experiences, Walkabout serves as a useful example of how Dewey’s concepts can be realized through narrativizations. Dewey said:

The two principles of continuity and interaction are not separate from each

other. They intercept and unite. They are, so to speak, the longitudinal and

lateral aspects of experience. Different situations succeed one another . . .

What [a student] has learned in the way of knowledge and skill in one

situation become an instrument of understanding and dealing effectively

with the situations which follow. (p. 44)

By writing of their Walkabout experiences, students’ narrativizations reveal their

“present concerns and needs” (Rosenblatt, 1938, p. 59). They learn to “turn spontaneously” (59) to the texts of their experience as a way to construct meaning they can apply to succeeding situations. Likewise, their teachers’ and peers’ responses are spontaneous constructions of meaning that are informed by immediate situations and apply to succeeding ones. Learning is possible through the “mutual adaptation” (Dewey,

1938, p. 45) of teachers and students to ongoing experiences. As narrativizations of experience are constructed over time, those spontaneous constructions stand as testaments to the students’ evolving view of self and the world. Rosenblatt (1938) speaks of the “personal nourishment that literature can give” (p. 60). I believe that personal nourishment is evident in Walkabout students’ narrativizations of experience over time.

They are able to “base their comments on their own intimate reactions” (p. 61) to their

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experiences over time. They are able to draw upon their own history, perceptions, and emotions.

Guided Practice through Dialogic Exchanges Helps Student Develop as Writers

This dissertation speaks to Schoenbach and Greenleaf’s (2009) call that teaching and learning practices should give students individual reasons to participate. Something personal should be at stake. This is evident in how students choose their Walkabout placements and have such an extended time to pursue a field of interest and then construct narrativizations that help portray what the experience means to them. Such an approach allows students to make mistakes. It helps them create records that capture their emerging new ways of thinking so that they can interrogate their current and previous perspectives. It helps them have ongoing conversations/ investigations with themselves and their peers and teachers as they develop expertise. An important aspect of this approach is using talk to “make their thinking visible to one another and thereby available for reflection, reappraisal, and appropriation by others” (p. 110). This talk is both oral and written. The narrativizations students construct are heard by multiple participants and thus used to fuel ongoing meaning making.

The use of narrativizations during Walkabout, in and of themselves, do not solve problems, but they do make them visible and perhaps more approachable (Bruner, 1991).

In fact, they help reveal what Bloome (2013) calls “the particularities of people’s lives” and thus foster greater empathy and greater understanding of “what it means to be human.” Do not forget that listening to the narratives of others is itself an experience. By telling one’s own experience of listening to others’ experiences, students are

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“representing” (Bamberg, 1997, p. 335) what those experiences mean to them and can thus enter into dialogue with others regarding what meanings can be made. As Delp

(2004) suggests, dialogue redefines participants: “We can imagine these dialogic interrelationships as offering us varied opportunities to come up against the ideological positioning of others and, over time, to bring forth for ourselves newly constructed ways to mean” (p.203).

Although this study is just beginning to understand how the synthesis of big and small story narrativizations of experience might function in the classroom, I would like to identify some principles that may be helpful in future studies dedicated to this and related topics.

Learning through Reflection on Experience. Response from teachers in

Seminar and in journals causes students to re-see the possible meanings to take from their experiences. Reflective questions and comments cause students to re-narrativize their experiences in response. Over time, changes in how they participate through narrativizations of experience to accomplish particular purposes are evident.

Small Story Immediacy Over Time. When case study students were asked, they indicated that if they had only done a day or a week at their Walkabout placements, they would have left with a very limited ability to engage in reflective meaning making.

Without extended time combined with the feedback of teachers and peers, their impressions of their placements would have been limited to their initial evaluations. They would not have been able to connect those initial evaluations to ongoing evaluations and consider how and why those evaluations changed or stayed the same. Granting students

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space and time to express their immediate evaluations of people, places, events, etc. showed that students need extended time to use narrativizations as a heuristic for meaning making regarding how they narrativized the world and its people, including the self. Narrativizations of experience were not limited to a catchall assignment but were used in both formal and informal settings over time. This gave students lots of practice in using narrative as a tool for meaning-making and not just reportage.

Student Choice: Students were recursively positioned as experts of their own experience. Through Seminar discussions and journal writings, students could choose to share narrativizations of experience as they wished.

A Permeable Wall Between In and Out of School Literacies: We must recognize that meaningful literacy practices and events are not exclusive to schools. Both in-school and out-of-school contexts can provide an engaging and educative set of opportunities . Although for most people, school is the place where they learn the how of writing and speaking, out-of-school contexts can motivate the why and what of an individual’s engagement with such literacy practices. For example, consider how Cheryl used her journal to wrestle with the ups and downs of her experiences in New York. An integration of in-school writing practices with out-of-school writing motivations is essential. Too often, by simply labeling the two contexts as two, a “false dichotomy”

(Schultz and Hull, 2002, p. 12) is established where one is positioned as better than the other. We must remember, “contexts are not sealed tight or bounded off” (p. 12). The literacy practices of in-school and out-of-school contexts both influence and are influenced by each other.

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Schultz (2002) and Schultz & Hull (2002) both use the word bridge to emphasize the need to combine the strengths of school, home, and community literacies. I like this idea, but I also fear that the word bridge suggests a hierarchical relationship. Too often, home and community literacy practices are positioned as a way to achieve the seemingly superior literacy practices of schooling. If education merely uses one discourse to arrive at another discourse, this is still an ethnocentric practice. Kinloch (2010) writes about students’ wish to position themselves within two worlds, the world of Black English and the world of Academic English. Phillip, a case study student, doesn’t want to be forced into “abandoning his cultural practices, language, and history of struggle. Nevertheless, he does not want to abandon the opportunities that can derive from knowing ‘standard

English’” (p. 121). Both contexts afford him valuable experience that can mutually benefit the other context. What if we conceptualized schooled literacy practices as enabling students to better contribute to their communities and out of school literacy practices as enabling students to better contribute to their schools? In other words, what if we just conceptualized literacy practices as literacy practices, recognizing that all literacy practices empower students to contribute to their schools and communities?

Walkabout’s use of narrativizations of experience provides one possible way to empower a permeable boundary between schools, homes, and communities. Adolescents’ performance of literacy practices such as the writing and speaking done during

Walkabout allows students to demonstrate—and thus make relevant in the classroom space—their engagement with the world they inhabit beyond the classroom. It shows the value of working with students’ experiences in school, because it allows both teachers

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and students to see their own experiences and their own communities as texts worthy of analysis and reflection in school. Walkabout demonstrates that schools can draw upon students’ experience as a heuristic that assists students to re-enter their various communities with a greater understanding of the contributions they can make as a result of their experiences. Students becoming does not end at graduation. It continues. We must ask what experiences are we are giving them in school that they can then contribute when they enter and re-enter various communities? We must also ask what experiences they bring with them to school and how mutual reflection upon those experiences can contribute to the meaning made in classrooms?

Pedagogical Implications

Given that the Walkabout experience occurs after students meet all the requirements for graduation, the literacy practices of Walkabout are thus not constrained by standards such as Common Core. Therefore, Lincoln teachers have the freedom to use narrativizations of experience as a social process rather than as just a textual one. This study shows the benefits of using narrativizations of experience outside of such constraints, how one’s narrativizations of experience can be lifted up as literary texts worthy of analysis and co-construction of meaning. Because teachers are so beholden to standards and test preparation, the benefits of using such narrativizations of experience and reflective meaning making are not incorporated into a lot of classroom learning. We need more studies to understand how narrativizations of experience can be incorporated into classrooms beholden to the standards and test preparation. We need to understand the

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affordances and constraints of using narrativizations of experience and reflective meaning making in such classrooms.

This study has implications for how teachers can make students’ out-of-school lives and out-of-school literacy practices visible in the classroom. Out of school contexts motivate the why and what of an individual’s engagement with writing. This is certainly true during Walkabout where students’ writing fulfills school requirements but is motivated by students’ individual experiences and reflections. An integration of in-school writing skills with out-of-school writing motivations is essential. Both in- and out-of- school contexts afford differential access to literacy practices and thus we need more studies that examine how this integration can be done in classrooms where the academic stakes are higher. The institution of schooling should offer a “bi-lingual” (Hicks, 2005) and/or “hybrid” (Moje, 2013) approach that profiles both “schoolish” (Newkirk, 1997) and out of school literacy practices as legitimate. We should “honor the lived experiences of youth in classrooms” (Kinloch, 2010, p. 105). Schooling that integrates in- and out-of- school literacy practices helps schools prepare students for both academically and personally for the lives they will live after completing school.

Studies such as Applebee and Langer (2011) and Freedman, Delp, and Crawford

(2005) show the importance of positioning students as contributors and not just receivers of learning. This dissertation demonstrates how students’ narrativizations can be used in much the same way as a literary text to foster discussion, analysis, and future action.

Narratives about one’s past have implications for one’s present and future. In fact, one’s narration of their previous self becomes “an instrument in the telling” (Bruner, 1991, p.

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70). As Brockmeier (2000) points out that the narrative construction of time, the explanation of how one’s past led to a particular moment in time, is the result of language. “Language does not only represent reality, but also constructs it” (p. 57).

Staton (1988), in her work on dialogue journals talks about how students generate topics of individual and mutual concern in their journals. Teacher comments on those topics can

“transform[] the student topic into a new, more complex one” (p. 13). Evidence of this is evident in Mike pushing Cheryl to consider her frustration from the topic of confidence.

As teachers, we must use the language of students’ narratives to recognize changes over time and then interrogate those changes. Differential use of past selves is also tied to context. We may ask why a narrator told a narrative a particular way in a particular place? What was the narrator trying to accomplish at the time through the telling? How does the nature of one’s narrativizations suggest what one is learning?

I am not arguing that students should not learn structures and forms for different genres of writing, but I do contend that teachers should not limit the definition of successful writing to successful use of forms. Rather writing practices should also be used to help students explore, debate, problematize, describe, clarify, and argue issues of individual, community, national, and global concern. In short, writing development should be a tool for individual, community, national, and global development. The integration of in- and out-of-school literacy practices promotes actual dialogue between communities, individuals, and selves in ways that writing practices concerned with the structural do not. The practice of writing and the discussion surrounding it, including feedback to writing, engages students in writing practices that help them co-construct

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meaning of their lives rather than solely evaluate for forms. I am advocating for valuing process in much the same way we value product. Rather than only evaluating students’ final products, teachers can use writing to “establish processes of reflection”

(Georgakopoulou, 2006b, p. 128) that help students make meaning of their experiences as well as the experiences of others while orienting them to a particular locality in the world.

Perhaps by focusing so much on “culturally sanctioned” (Smagorinsky, 1995, p.

166) and “historically sanctioned” (p. 178) forms of literacy as the primary means of composing meaning, we are limiting the range of meaning that students can make. We need to be cognizant that “particular patterns of interaction become scripted, influencing access to specific forms of learning” (Gutierrez, 1994, p. 336) that may or may not be relevant to all contexts. Volosinov (1986) speaks of “we-experience” as a way to describe how being part of a group impacts individuals: “The stronger, the more organized, the more differentiated the collective in which an individual orients himself, the more vivid and complex his inner world will be. The ‘we-experience’ allows for different degrees and different types of ideological structuring” (p. 88). In this way, one’s literacy identity is largely based on the individual’s relationship with geographical and ideological space.

Moje and Luke (2009) argue that literacy practices are distinguished by group membership—“literacy is differently practiced dependent on the group to which one’s identity is tied” (p. 420). Thus it is crucial for teachers to consider how students connect their identity to the literacy practices happening in the classroom. It is the depth of this connection that the strength of the students’ relationships with the geographical and ideological space of the classroom can be identified. The group identity of the class is

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formed by individual students interacting/negotiating with literacy practices acceptable there.

Writing development among seniors at Lincoln is not just a “sequence of skills”

(Schultz and Fecho, 2000, p. 54) as suggested by earlier writing researchers (King and

Rentel, 1979). Rather it is a combination of contextual factors plus individual actions.

This means that writing development goes hand in hand with personal development.

Students are learning the skills associated with genres and the mechanical skills commonly taught as essential skills for “good” writing, but they are also using the writing as a means of reflecting upon those issues that have individual significance. To conclude,

I think there are at least three major pedagogical implications from this study in regards to writing development: First, we need to expand our vision of what counts as literacy and evidence of learning in the classroom by helping students experience multiple writing identities. In so doing, we can position students as sources of knowledge and teachers as fellow learners. Second, we need to consciously construct space and time for students’ presentation of self. Presenting students with opportunities for agency and inquiry can do this. Third, writing development as well as self and community development is realized though ongoing feedback and guided practice, or in other words, continuity and interaction.

Methodological Implications

I join other scholars who have argued that the best way to utilize and study narrative inquiry for the purpose of teaching and learning is by combining ethnographic observation with the interviewing of case study students (Chase, 2011; Riessman, 2008)

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in addition to an analysis of the texts produced. This means looking at both the narrative text as well as the narrative environment that helped produce it. Such a use of multiple data sources gives us a full sense of what meanings are attached to narrative by participants in a particular context. An ethnographic perspective is important for gaining an accurate understanding of the role of narrative in a context. Gubrium and Holstein

(2008) argue,

Narratives are not simply reflections of experience, nor are they

descriptive free-for-alls. Not just anything goes when it comes to storying

experience. Rather, narratives comprise the interplay between experience,

storying practices, descriptive resources, purposes at hand, audiences, and

the environments that condition storytelling (p. 250).

How can we know the meaningfulness of a narrative if we don’t know of the practices that helped form it? How can we know of the practices that formed it if we don’t understand how those practices function within its narrative environment?

I subscribe to the notion of many scholars that narratives told in interviews (big stories) produce a different kind of narrative than those told in interactions (small stories)

(Georgakopoulou, 2006a, 2006b; Bamberg, 2006; Chase, 2011). Narratives told in interviews are different in that the interaction is different. The interview provides narrators distance from the events being described and thus they can be more reflective.

Interview narrations are also limited in that the interviewer is the primary audience and the interviewer may or may not trigger the same types of responses from the narrator if the telling took place within the narrative environment being studied. See

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Georgakopoulou (2010) for a full argument. Only studying narratives told in interviews will likely give only a partial and perhaps inaccurate view of the narrative environment.

In short, relying on only one narrative data source will not provide the fullest understanding of how narrative is or can be used within an environment. Analysis of interview narrativizations can be paired with analysis of small story narrativizations (both oral and written) and analysis of big story narrativizations (both oral and written) to capture the ways narratives are being told and received in the narrative environment. An analysis can be further enriched by doing what Chase (2011) calls “content analyses of key documents” (p. 425) to help give the fullest sense of how narrativizations are used across narrative environments.

The Small Story-Big Story Dichotomy

My research has made clear that I have yet to identify all the factors shaping how students participate differently with their narrativizations. For example, I learned that students’ small stories demonstrated an ongoing and shifting evaluation of people, places, and events and the big stories demonstrated a fixed evaluation of people, places, and events. Still, I cannot definitively state why that is. I suspect that the small stories allowed students an ongoing practice of narrativizing their experience and thus were able to capture changes, but I do no know the degree to which social considerations caused those changes. Did students’ narrativizations change because of institutional pressure to be changed by Walkabout or did they change because students truly changed or was there perhaps some mixture of these factors? In regards to the big stories, what factors

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influenced the fixed evaluations offered by students? To what degree did institutional and interactional pressure influence the narrativizations delivered?

In consideration of these questions, my future projects include pushing against the argument I have made about small stories being distinct from big stories. I have used the concept of small story narrativizations to argue for making more space for the social processes of narrative in classrooms. I have sought to point out that the typical ELA assignment has the features of a big story. A setting such as the Symposium presentation—where students deliver heavily planned and rehearsed narrativizations of the totality of their Walkabout experience—is a seeming textbook example of big story narrativizations. I say this largely because Symposium was planned and rehearsed, because it gave students narrative distance from which they can reflect (Freeman, 2006), and because there was little to no visible interaction happening in the moment. With that said, having written this dissertation, I now see believe that seeming big story narrativizations such as Symposium are more than a text; they are also an interaction. I believe there are at least three important considerations:

• Interaction can’t only be evaluated by what is visible to the researcher. Just

because I didn’t see students interacting with each other and their parents

regarding the Symposium presentations does not mean it did not happen on that

particular day or even in the days, weeks, months, years after they graduated.

Immediate interactions are not contained to what is visible in a classroom or a

school building.

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• Another likely faulty assumption I made was that the typical silence that occurred

at the end of a Symposium was not an interaction, but silence is an interaction.

Meanings can be constructed from silence. Responding with silence is a choice as

much as responding with words.

• I don’t believe I fully considered how big story narrativizations may have

prompted interaction within the student’s own mind, what Bakhtin called

internally persuasive discourse (1981). Just because a student delivers his/her

Symposium presentation or writes their piece for the class Walkabout book and

does not receive immediate feedback from teachers and peers does not mean that

the student is not continuing to think about those narrativizations. In fact, Cheryl

is a good example of how this may happen. As I’ve explained in Chapter 6,

during her difficult freshman year of college she returned to the Walkabout

practice of journaling. She also often re-read the feedback Mike had sent her

during Walkabout. She did this to buoy herself up against the challenges she was

facing. Recall that when she read the text of her Symposium presentation, she was

a little embarrassed because she thought she had presented herself as someone

who had figured it all out and then came to find out that she still has so much to

learn. This is an example of her continuing to interact with the text of one of her

narrativizations of experience beyond the immediate moment. One’s becoming

does not just stop.

With all that said, I hope the takeaway of using the concepts of small and big story narrativizations is to help us as teachers and educational researchers recognize the

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importance of making room for narrative social processes and not just textual ones.

Dewey (1938) writes of “the greater maturity of experience” (p. 38) possessed by teachers. He says “they should know how to utilize the surroundings, physical and social, that exist so as to extract from them all that they have to contribute to building up experiences that are worth while” (p. 40). His concepts of continuity and interaction provide a way to make experiences worthwhile through immediacy. While continuity and interaction will continue beyond the classroom walls, there is great value to engaging students in continuity of experience and interaction while in school. Narrativizations of experience is one way to do it. We must always question the social context we are providing for students so that their experiences can be made educative.

Conclusions

To conclude, this study demonstrates how the social practices of narrative develop over time within the context of an alternative high school committed to experiential education. The Walkabout experience is a unique one when considering the typical educational experience offered to students. Still, this study shows a possible way to integrate narrativizations over time within a learning curriculum. This study also shows a possible way to engage students in reflective meaning making of experience over time.

This study, like Lincoln’s philosophy toward teaching and learning, is rooted in the philosophies of Dewey (1934, 1938) and Rosenblatt (1938/1995). Dewey (1934) argues that things are experienced and then composed into an experience. Thus an experience can be used to construct multiple meanings if it is analyzed like a literary text, or what Dewey would call aesthetically. Rosenblatt (1938) builds upon this ideas to argue

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for her transactional theory of literature. Her transactional theory rejects what Faust

(2000) calls “the double-bind” (p. 19). What he means by double-bind is the tension felt by “teachers who simultaneously aim to engage students with literature on a personal level and uphold a commitment to authoritative readings” (p. 16). In other words, this is the tension between Reader Response Theory (meaning held in the reader) and New

Criticism (meaning held in the text). Rosenblatt’s response is that the “meaning is not

‘in’ the text or ‘in’ the reader. Both reader and text are essential to the transactional process of making meaning” (Rosenblatt, 1938/1995, p. 27). As this study has shown, the meaning of Walkabout students’ narrativizations of experience is not contained to the initial narrativizations. Over time, students and teachers transact with the initial “text” of that experience and negotiate new and ongoing meanings.

Walkabout students’ narrativizations typically begin with an accounting of the who, what, and where of their week. These details are interlaced with evaluations, what

Rosenblatt (1938) calls “raw reaction” (p. 72). Engaging in narrativizations of experience over time helped students shift from simple reportage of evaluations to reportage of evaluations paired with reflective meaning making. As Shuman (1986) says, “Evaluations provide the justification for discourse” (p. 181). Narrativizations without evaluations makes them victim to the “so what?” question.

The use of narratives to make meaning during Walkabout demonstrates that a balance of interactional and institutional control effectively honors the literacy lives of adolescents, including their emotional and intellectual developments. Key to this development is granting agency amidst guidance and co-construction of meaning. The

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primary value of narratives, as I’ve discussed them, isn’t for the development of creating textual skills, but for the means of promoting future action considered relevant for individual and community development. Students’ new sense of self wouldn’t be as likely to emerge by only constructing narrativizations of an experience one time, because only doing it one time wouldn’t allow for ongoing negotiations of meaning. Without the recursive task of narrativizing experiences for self and others over time, students would have a pretty limited view on how their narrativizations functioned in groups and communities.

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Appendix A: Walkabout Documents

Section Event Date and Page # Time

A.1 Walkabout Journal Prompts handout 55

A.2 Symposium Preparation handout 56

A.3 Your Piece for the 2015 Walkabout 104 Book handout

A.4 Walkabout Responsibilities and Rubric 55 for Walkabout handout

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Appendix A.1

Walkabout Journal Prompts handout

John Dewey stated, “We do not learn from experience…we learn from reflecting on experience.” Our experiential education program believes in and has practiced reflection on experience for over 30 years, but we have struggled to give students practical tools to help them reflect through their learning experience.

FRAMEWORK: Walkabout Journal Prompts Week 1—first full week (January 12-January 16)—Topics for reflection: What is your initial experience? What were your expectations? Is there any initial disappointment with the placement? What are the positives? Negatives?

Journal (one assigned entry): How does the Walkabout reality compare with your expectations? Include your feelings and anxieties. Out of towners include the actual Walkabout and your living situation.

In seminar: Free Writing. Fill out goals sheet. Discuss writer’s workshop portion of seminar. Read “Shitty First Drafts” by Anne Lamont.

Week 2 (January 19-January 23)—Topics for Reflection: Do you have any feelings of inadequacy? Reflect on your goals. What do you most want to accomplish during the walkabout and why? What are your reflections about being away from Lincoln?

Assignment: Research the organization. Get a written history or organizational chart if there is one. Talk to one old time and one relative newcomer about the organizational chart or just the verbal description of who is in charge and how the place works. Also, what are the related businesses to your placement? How do they depend? Ask your mentor how he/she ended up in this career and/or position.

Journal (three assigned entries): 1. Reflect on your goals. What do you most want to accomplish during this Walkabout? How are you going to take steps to accomplish your goals? What is your plan of action? 2. How does your “job” fit into the overall view of the organization? Was there anything surprising about the organization? What did you learn about the history? 3. According to the stages, where are you? What steps do you need to take to move forward?

In Seminar: Look at Stages Sheet—where are you now? Read “Snow” by Julia Alvarez and “From Onion to My Grandmother” by Georgia Heard. Writing prompt.

Week 3 (January 26 –January 30)—Topics for reflection: What are you learning about the placement, the experience, and yourself? What do you see about your personality that you are surprised at? challenged by? What do you see as your greatest strength? What can you do to make this a learning experience? Evaluations go out this week Advisors should contact and touch base with mentors

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Assignment: Tell the mentor that evaluations will be coming and that the two of you will need some time next week to discuss them. Read The Things They Carried Excerpt.

Journal (two assigned entries): 1. What are you finding out about yourself that you were not aware of before? 2. What are you learning? If you are unsure of what you are learning you need to take this time to reflect on things you are doing that you have never done before. Also, you may need to reflect on how to make this a learning experience? Are you taking the time to think about the things that you are learning that may seem simple, such as answering phones, making calls, making it to work on time, etc.?

In Seminar: Discuss critical issues. Discuss The Things they Carried. Read “The Education of the Eye: Staring” by Georgia Heard. Free Writing.

Week 4 (February 3-February 6)—Topics for Reflection: Are you surprised by anything you see coming through in your journals? What do you see as your strongest points/ weakest points? How are you doing on your goals? What are you learning? This will be the week that you will be thinking about your evaluation and getting some feedback from your mentor, so it is an excellent week for your to assess how you are growing and where you need to change.

Assignments: Reread your journals. Set up a time to do the evaluation with your mentor. Fill out your evaluation.

Journal (three assigned topics): 1. Write a response after reading your previous journals. Are you seeing any patterns? Are you surprised at anything you see coming through? Have you responded to your advisors questions? Are you writing enough? Have you completed all of the assignments? Have you completed all of the journal prompts?

2. Third eye journal: Write a description of yourself in your Walkabout or in your family in the third person...getting emotional distance from your situation to see yourself in the big picture with a third eye. One way to do this is to pretend you are making a movie about yourself in this situation. Where would you focus? How would you come across? Who would your support systems be? Include your difficulties, challenges, highs, lows, learning experience. When you look at ‘your character’s’ situation, do you get any insights about yourself and/or your situation? Is your character stuck anywhere? Can she get out?

3. Relook at the stage sheet: where are you now? Have you seen yourself shifting stages or staying stuck at one of them? Do you feel your are moving forward and growing or are you stagnate? OUT OF TOWNERS: include how your home situation differs from your home situation in Waverly.

Week 5 (February 9-February 13)—Topics for Reflection: What did you learn about yourself, your mentor, and the organization by doing the evaluation? What needs to change in order for you to meet your goals? How have your goals changed? Were your expectations

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realistic? Did you over or underestimate your abilities? What are your current blocks to being effective in your current situation? How are you growing in confidence?

Journal (two assigned entries): 1. What did you learn about yourself, your mentor, and the organization by doing the evaluation? 2. What are your current blocks to being effective in your current situation? Which of the blocks are issues with you? Which are issues with the placement? How could your Walkabout be as good as it could possibly be? Include how you could get closer to that ideal by any action on your part--either on the job or in your family life.

Week 6 (February 16-February 20)—Topics for Reflection: What are you thinking, feeling about our upcoming graduation and your future? What are your thoughts about departing from Lincoln?

Assignment: Look over your goal sheet. Journal (two assigned entries): 1. What are your thoughts and feelings about departing from Lincoln? 2. What do you need to do in order to achieve your goals.

Week 7 (February 23-February 27)—Topics for Reflection: Take one more look at your goals. Thoughts? What is the most important thing you have learned about yourself during this time? How are you different than you were at the beginning of this nine weeks? What personal styles have emerged during this time? How does your style help you thrive at Walkabout, and how does it hinder you?

Journal: What is the most important thing you have learned about yourself during this time? How are you different than you were at the beginning of this nine weeks? How does your personal style help you to thrive at Walkabout and how does it hinder you?

Week 8 (March 2 –March 6)—Final evaluations/ thank you notes/ think about what you have learned. What are the areas of disappointment, struggle, growth, accomplishment, excitement? What recommendations would you give to juniors getting ready to go on Walkabout?

Assignment: Write thank you note to you Mentor

Journal (one entry assigned): In looking back over your experience, what would you do differently? Why? What are you most concerned about moving forward to your next Walkabout? Why? How have you helped your mentor? What would your mentor say about the work that you contributed to the placement?

Week 9 (February 23-27)—during the break. Write your proposal. Get a new advisor to read your journals.

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Week 10 (March 25-March 29)—First week of second Walkabout. Many of the journal questions and assignments will be the same as the first, but there will be some differences because this will be your second experience, and you will be building off what you learned during your first Walkabout.

Topics for Reflection: What is your initial experience? What are your expectations? Is there any initial disappointment with the placement? What are the positives? Negatives?

Assignment: Fill out the goals sheet This will be done in Seminar. We will also look at the stages sheet again in seminar.

Week 11 (March 30-April 5)—Topics for Reflection: Do you have any feelings of inadequacy? Reflect on your goals. What do you most want to accomplish during the walkabout and why? How does your initial reaction compare with your initial reaction during your first Walkabout?

Assignment: Look at the stages page that was reviewed in seminar. Where are you now? Research the organization. Get a written history or organizational chart if there is one. Talk to one old time and one relative newcomer about the organizational chart or just the verbal description of who is in charge and how the place works. Also, what are the related businesses to your placement? How do they depend? Ask your mentor how he/she arrived at this career and this place of business.

Journal (three assigned entries): 1. Reflect on your goals. What do you most want to accomplish during this Walkabout? How are you going to take steps to accomplish your goals? What is your plan of action? How are your goals different from the last Walkabout experience? 2. How does your “job” fit into the overall view of the organization? Was there anything surprising about the organization? What did you learn about the history? 3. How does this Walkabout experience compare to your first one so far?

Week 12 (April 6-April 12)—Topics for Reflection: What are you learning about the placement, the experience, and yourself? How does your personality fit in with this Walkabout compared with the first one? How are you trying to build on what you have already learned about yourself? Are there any specific struggles or positive surprises that have come with your second Walkabout? What can you do to make this a learning experience?

Evaluations go out this week Advisors should contact and touch base with mentors Look over the presentation information in seminar.

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Assignment: Tell the mentor that evaluations will be coming and that the two of you will need some time next week to discuss them. Begin thinking about your presentation.

Journal (two assigned entries): 1.How does your personality fit in with this Walkabout compared with the first one? Are there any specific struggles/ disappointments or positive surprises that come with your second Walkabout? (some examples might be: are you tired about being away? Surprised at the amount of hard work? Seeing that you have learned to work hard? Missing your first placement? Relieved to be in a more exciting work environment? Feeling more confident earlier in the experience?)

2. What are you learning? If you are unsure of what you are learning you need to take this time to reflect on things you are doing that you have never done before. Also, you may need to reflect on how to make this a learning experience? Are you taking the time to think about the things that you are learning that may seem simple, such as answering phones, making calls, making it to work on time, etc.? Do you see any way that what you learned in your first Walkabout is contributing to your second one? OUT OF TOWNERS: include how you are feeling about missing home? What is surprising you about your living situation? What are the things you have taken for granted about being at home?

Week 13 (April 13-April 19)—Topics for Reflection: Are you surprised by anything you see coming through your journals? What do you see as your strongest points/ weakest points during this nine weeks? How are you doing on your goals? What are you learning? This will be the week that you will be thinking about your evaluation and getting some feedback from your mentor, so it is an excellent week for your to assess how you are growing and where you need to change.

Assignments: Reread your journals. Set up a time to do the evaluation with your mentor. Fill out your evaluation. Work on your presentation. Set up a time to practice it in seminar, if you are in town.

2. Third eye journal: Write a description of yourself in your Walkabout or in your family in the third person...getting emotional distance from your situation to see yourself in the big picture with a third eye. Just as last nine weeks, pretend you are making a movie about yourself in this situation. Where would you focus? How would you come across? Who would your support systems be? Include your difficulties, challenges, highs, lows, learning experience. When you look at ‘your character’s’ situation, do you get any insights about yourself and/or your situation? Is your character stuck anywhere? Can she get out?

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3. Relook at the stage sheet: where are you now? Have you seen yourself shifting stages or staying stuck at one of them? Do you feel you are moving forward and growing or are you stagnate? OUT OF TOWNERS: include how your home situation differs from your home situation in Waverly.

Week 14 (April 20-April 26)—Topics for Reflection: What did you learn about yourself, your mentor, and the organization by doing the evaluation? What needs to change in order for you to meet your goals? How have your goals changed? Were your expectations realistic? Did you over or underestimate your abilities? What are your current blocks to being effective in your current situation? How are you growing in confidence?

Assignment: Work on Presentation

Week 15 (April 27-May 3)—Reflection on Lincoln and life after Lincoln. Revisit Goals.

Assignment: Look over your goal sheet. Journal (two assigned entries): 1. What are your thoughts and feelings now about departing from Lincoln? Are your thoughts and feelings different than they were 8 weeks ago? What are you most looking forward to about life after Lincoln? What are you most worried about? 2. What do you need to do in order to achieve your goals?

Week 16—Take one more look at your goals. Thoughts? What is the most important thing you have learned about yourself during this time? How are you different than you were at the beginning of this nine weeks? Or the beginning of the semester? How have you become more aware of your style and your personality? How have you become more aware of your strengths and weaknesses?

Assignment: Practice Walkabout Presentation. Walkabout presentation practice will begin in seminar.

Journal (two entries assigned): 1. What is the most important thing you have learned about yourself during this time? How are you different than you were at the beginning of this nine weeks? 2. How does your personal style help you to thrive at this Walkabout and how does it hinder you?

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Week 17(May 4-May 10)—Final evaluations/ thank you notes/ think about what you have learned. What are the areas of disappointment, struggle, growth, greatness? What recommendations would you give to juniors getting ready to go on Walkabout?

Assignment: Practice, practice, practice your Walkabout presentations. Make sure you have chosen someone to introduce you at senior recognition. Double check dates for home school graduation. Make sure you understand all there is to know about symposium for students and symposium and senior recognition for Lincoln. Write a thank you note to your mentor Seminar will be focused on Walkabout Presentations

Journal (one entry assigned): What do you feel you have learned from this semester?

Week 18 (May 11-May 16) Last week of Walkabout. Walkabout Presentation practice continues.

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Appendix A.2

Symposium Preparation handout

Symposium is your gift to the students at Lincoln who will follow you and to the school itself in the sense that most of the public, parents, etc. only know about Lincoln and Walkabout through your presentation. If you go to another high school, all you have to show the pubic at your rite of passage, and that is what graduation is intended to symbolize, is the ability to pick up one more piece of paper. At Lincoln, your presentation is designed to validate you as a member qualified to enter the adult community because of what you can DO and not for just jumping still another paper hurdle.

The talk itself needs to address these issues and in this order:

1) Where I was, who I was with and what I did. It may be appropriate to mention why you picked this particular Walkabout. Use your own judgment on whether or not to mention your other Walkabout. There will be a program that has both of your Walkabouts listed.

2) What I learned about the subject or topic, the people, and the process.

3) How am I different for having done this Walkabout? How have I changed since January? What have I learned about myself?

You will give your presentation on two separate occasions. You will present two times each to the student body and any interested guests on Friday, May 22, at presentations beginning at 12:30, arriving at school at 12:00. You will present two times each to the community on Saturday, May 23 at presentations beginning at 11:15 AM. When you give your presentation, there will be a staff member who will introduce you to the group. He or she will use the introduction that you provide. Please include the number of years you have been at Lincoln.

Your talk should be a solid 13 minutes with two extra minutes for questions. At 10 minutes, the staff member will give you a sign that you THREE minutes left, and you should start to think about wrap-up. Thirteen minutes is really quite short for what you folks have done so the presentation needs to be carefully rehearsed. You cannot ad lib your way through this and do justice to your experience. Please don’t insult your audience and embarrass yourself by trying to fake your way through it. If you use music at any point in your presentation, do not try to talk over it. People, especially older people, frequently find it difficult to hear over the AV equipment and a room fan and whatever else.

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All powerpoint, notebook, and any other AV material needs to be rehearsed and checked prior to the start of the presentation. We don’t have the time to waste getting AV ready as you are about to start. All rooms will be equipped with computers and projectors.

You need to be dressed appropriately for the equivalent of a presentation to a business audience. Jeans, old tennis shoes, t-shirts are inappropriate. Hopefully, you will see this as the time to both act and look like an adult becoming a part of the community of adults. You’ve earned the recognition. Don’t throw it away at the last minute by inadvertently doing something that people can mistake for, “No, no. I’m really just a kid.” Be your very best. You have done much to be proud of!

The Usual Tips for Presenting an Effective Speech

PREPARATION

1. Realize who is in your audience. 2. Outline the information you want to get across. 3. Plan an attention getting introduction. 4. Plan an effective conclusion/summary. 5. Choose your words carefully a. Avoid slang (kids, etc.), b. Watch the techno-babble. If you must use it, explain it! c. Avoid clichés. (“And in summary,….”). 6. If you use auditory and/or visual aids, make sure that they can be seen and are quality. 7. Practice the presentation AND time it! a. In front of a mirror, b. With a tape recorder, c. With a small audience, d. Where you can see a clock. 8. Be aware of your body movements / gestures / facial expressions. 9. Make notecards.

DELIVERY 1. Be organized ahead of time. a. Check an AV equipment before you start, b. Have your notes on hand and in order, c. Make sure the room is set up the way you want it and if you use a lectern, make sure it is where you want it to be. 2. Look at the audience. 3. Try to be conversational. 4. Use visuals at the appropriate time, avoid passing items around the room if at all possible.

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5. Speak clearly and distinctly and even try to be heard at the back of the room! 6. Concentrate on the message you are trying to deliver. 7. Be enthusiastic; let your personality shine through (Isn’t that sick??) 8. Don’t be afraid to smile. 9. Repeat the most important ideas.

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Appendix A.3

Your Piece for the 2015 Walkabout Book handout

Your Piece for the 2015 Walkabout Book

INITIAL IDEAS: Minimum Requirements: • Describes at least two experienced had during Walkabout • Reflective in nature: what meaning(s) have you made through your experiences and reflections? • Rough Draft: DUE NEXT WEEK ON FEBRUARY 17, 20

Reflection Guiding Questions To Guide Your Writing: 1. Describe your Walkabout expectations versus your Walkabout reality. 2. What do you now know about yourself that you didn’t know? 3. What has it been like being away from Lincoln? 4. Have you been surprised or challenged by your personality? 5. Have you been surprised by anything coming through your journals? 6. What did you have to change in order to meet your goals? 7. What are your current blocks for being effective in your situation? 8. Did you under- or over-estimate your abilities? 9. How are you different than you were at the beginning? 10. How does your personality help or hinder your effectiveness? 11. What are the areas of disappointment, struggle, growth, accomplishment, excitement, etc. that you have experienced? 12. What recommendation(s) would you give juniors preparing to go on Walkabout?

YOUR IDEAS: What do you think the 2015 Walkabout Book should be like?

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Appendix A.4

Walkabout Responsibilities and Rubric for Walkabout handout

Student Responsibilities: • Attend retreat and other meetings for Walkabout • Brainstorm about placements and Ideas • Contemplate Budget • Contemplate Transportation • Consider Housing Options • Complete Walkabout application • Write Resume • Attend interviews or complete phone interviews • Write Proposal • Give a copy of the proposal to Supervisor and Advisor • Pick two advisors to read journals, one each nine weeks • Attend and participate in Seminar • Write Journals Daily—completing all assignments • Complete assignments from packet each week • Attend Walkabout • Complete two evaluations • Write thank you notes • Create and give a presentation at symposium • Practice presentations • Attend student symposium and senior recognition and symposium

Advisor Responsibilities: • Read and interact with journals • Contact mentor during week 3 of placement • Read and interact with evaluations • Interact and deal with any problems the student is having at the placement • Assign grade for Journals

Supervisor Responsibilities: • Accept and read Walkabout Application • Help student contemplate possible placements • Make initial contact of placements • Take students on interviews • Give students examples of resumes • Explain how to write a proposal • Run seminar—help students contemplate what they are learning and work through the assignments and help students complete journals

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• Send out evaluations • Give information on presentations/ help students practice presentations • Assign grades for Walkabout • Help Advisor deal with any issues with the students

Rubric for Walkabout

A This student completes daily journals to his/her advisor. The student always attends seminar, and comes to seminar and meetings on time. The student arrives at Walkabout on time, and calls his/her mentor and Mandy if he or she is going to be absent for any reason. The student turns in proposals and other forms on time. The student dresses appropriately for the placement and works enthusiastically while there. The student participates constructively in seminar. The student completes assignments in seminar and in journals. The student completes the evaluation with his/her mentor.

B This student completes almost all journal entries. The student attends almost all seminars, and almost always arrives on time. The student arrives at Walkabout on time, and calls his/her mentor and Mandy if he or she is going to be absent for any reason. The student turns in proposals and other forms on time. The student dresses appropriately for the placement and works enthusiastically while there. The student almost always participates constructively in seminar. The student completes almost all assignments in seminar and journals. The student completes the evaluation with his/her mentor.

C The student completes most journal entries. The student attends most seminars. The student arrives on time often. The student arrives at Walkabout on time, and calls his/her mentor and Mandy if she/he is going to be absent for any reason. The student may have turned in a proposal or other forms late. Jerri, Abby, or Leslie may have had to remind the student of things that needed to be turned in. The student dresses appropriately for the placement and works enthusiastically almost always. The student sometimes participates constructively in seminar. The student completes many assignments in seminar and in journals. The student completes the evaluation with his/her mentor.

D The student misses many journal entries. The student fails to be in consistent contact with his/her advisor. The student misses several seminar meetings. The student is frequently late to seminar and other important Walkabout meetings. The student arrives at Walkabout on time, and calls his/her mentor if he/she will be absent for any reason. The student turns in proposals and other assignment late. Jerri, Abby, or Leslie has to remind the student one or more times of things that need to be done. The student shows some disregard for the placement by not acting enthusiastic or not following some other policy

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of the placement, such as dress code. The student does not contribute to seminar in a constructive way.

F Any ONE of these things will cause you to receive an F: Failing to contact the placement when absent, failing to meet the requirements of the placement, failing to comply with guidelines for Walkabout, failing to give a symposium presentation.

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Appendix B: Full Transcriptions of First Event Series

Section Event Date and Page # Time

Section B.1 January 20 Seminar Inviting reportage 1.20.15 120 and evaluations

B.2 January 20 Seminar Renae’s Week 1 1.20.15 122 narrativizations

B.3 January 20 Seminar Renae’s “old man 1.20.15 123 story”

B.4 January 20 Seminar: Reflective 1.20.15 135 meaning making: “good people”

B.5 January 20 Seminar Renae Reflective 1.20.15 140 meaning making: Expectations

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B1: Seminar: Inviting Reportage and Evaluations 1.20.15 minutes 0:00-2:29

Line Speaker Idea unit # 1 Leslie The first thing (1) um (1) that we’re going to do is kind of just let you guys spend just a little bit of time talking about like your experience and you know anything, 2 especially in terms of like um, 3 expectations versus reality and kind of like just tell us a little bit about what’s going on, 4 what’s nice is, 5 you guys have so few people, 6 we have to, 7 in the other one we have such a big group that we have to kind of like= 8 Renae =rush everyone 9 Leslie like seriously, 10 people get like about a minute, 11 but you guys can talk a little, 12 you know just talk a little bit about it, 13 I don’t want you to go on and on, 14 but talk a little bit so that then we can move to the next thing, 15 So what, so who wants to start? 16 Hhhh (3) you guys look sad 17 Veronica (laughs) 18 Leslie Are you guys sad? 19 Veronica No 20 Leslie How about you Veronica ? Veronica Oh dang, ok, um, so my walkabout’s going really well actually which I was surprised I was a little nervous going in because I was like, “this is such a big place, what am I going to do, I was like Oh my God,” so I went in there, and then the first day I just sat Leslie Remind these guys where you are again? Veronica Oh yeah, I’m at [Wexner] Urgent Care. Um, it’s great. It’s right across from the dance studio. Ok, so, when I went in there the first day I was like, ”Hi, my name is Veronica ,” but I was more confident than that, um, so I just sat there the first day kind of watched how the people got checked in and the patients, and how everybody interacted with each other. I got to go see some x-rays the first day which was like cool. The second day, um, I sat there again, so they didn’t know if I was going to be allowed to like, do computer stuff, they had to check with the higher up person. He was like, “yeah sure.” So like Friday was a great day because I actually learned how to do all the computer stuff, so I was checking patients in, I was doing all their card and stuff, um, and then sending them back there. They usually go to the bank and we got cupcakes from [Pete’s] Bakery Leslie ((laughs)) Veronica So, they’re really laid back people which is I was really shocked, they were all like middle aged moms, like work the front desk at the urgent care center, like they were, they were fine and like the only stinky thing about it, is um, like it’s urgent care so you don’t know, like sometimes you are going to be swamped with twenty people at once and sometimes for three hours you might have a single person…(2:29)

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B2: Seminar: Renae’s Week 1 Narrativizations 1.20.15 minutes 4:09-5:45

1 Leslie Alright, Renae? You look dead tired. 2 Renae Um (1) the statehouse is great. 3 Um so (1) talk about how like my expectations on my walkabout, 4 I thought like, 5 Dress for Success was going to be like (1) kind of like 6 more like laid back but still very professional, 7 and then like I thought the statehouse was going to be like the big time, like, more xxxx, 8 like I was more scared about the statehouse than I was Dress for Success, 9 and so I was like, intimidation wise and like professionally 10 Leslie Right 11 Renae But um (1) reality was very switched. Um 12 Leslie Interesting 13 Renae Um I haven’t had the best experience with Dress for Success so far, sadly, 14 um, the Statehouse has been like great. 15 Um, I’m like working on like doing research in like drafting bills and 16 um, I’ve had like a great time, 17 I’ve met a lot of like really cool people and representatives and, 18 um, last Wednesday I got to sit on a session, 19 and ,um, watch how like everything happens and how they introduce a bill to the floor and then how they vote on it and, 20 um, it’s just really cool because I get to see the different dynamics and how they like interact with each other and um, 21 S. is really cool, 22 like, we went out to like lunch and like, 23 just like how they park cars like, 24 he, like, he’s like really cool, 25 like he answers all his emails, 26 like he doesn’t like, just hand them off to just anybody, 27 um to answer his emails for him, 28 I asked him like what other representatives do and he’s like most of them send like generic messages back through email, 29 um so he doesn’t do that and I thought that was really cool. 30 And, I really like the statehouse, 31 I’m meeting like a lot of people and like already making friends that like I’m excited to see tomorrow. 32 Um, Dress for Success

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B3: Seminar: Renae’s “old man story” 1.20.15 minutes 5:45

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51 to the back 52 and I was like (quiet) "Okay." 53 and then um so I helped them through and everything 54 and they were so old they didn't even have emails 55 so they couldn't fill out the receipt very well 56 and um the reason why they they want the donors to go through to the back is because the clients they want them to have a good experience there and stuff 57 but there was no clients 58 and especially because he was hurt so badly 59 I walked him through to the front 60 because his car was closer to the front 61 um, and then like when I did that like I got like scolded really bad 62 just like 63 and I was like "I'm really sorry guys. Like he was just like hurt and he fell. It was just a special case. Like it won't happen again." 64 and they wouldn't even let me finish 65 It was just like ((loud)) "Just so you know next time." 66 and I was like ((quiet))"Oh my God." 67 and like like even other volunteers were like, "That's crazy. XXXXXXX kind of scary." 68 and I wasn't expecting this

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B4: Seminar: Reflective meaning making: “good people” 1.20.15 minutes 7:35-13:00

1 Leslie Are you able to kind of like 2 step back from your hurt feelings and sort of think like 3 "Okay I know these guys do good work 4 and I know they've had really good success with volunteers before 5 maybe I just need to look at them like 6 'this is there way their professional way of doing it and I just need to see what I can learn from that'" 7 Are you able to do that? 8 Renae Yeah maybe I'll do that it's just like rough 9 because I really like feel uncomfortable there ((long pause)) 10 and I'm really sad about that 11 that's like what hurts my feelings 12 it breaks my heart to say that to you Liz 13 like I feel uncomfortable there ((long pause)) 14 Leslie It just it's just kind of it's just kind I mean 15 it sounds like maybe you've 16 it sounds like maybe you've just gotten some like 17 correction 18 and it's hard for you to take 19 you know like 20 Renae ((covers eyes with her hands)) ((quiet)) I guess 21 Leslie @@@@@@ what do you XXXX? 22 Renae well it's just like rough because I literally like 23 I contemplated like letting him go like all the way around the building 24 to walk around something like that 25 like I was "well I know this is what they do here" 26 and like I literally coldn't bring myself to do it 27 I felt like that was so cold-hearted 28 like that I just can't 29 like that's what I mean breaking down my morals 30 like I don't know if I could go home that day and feel good about that 31 like right now I feel pretty confident with the things that I do 32 like I don't regret like helping that woman like feel better about like her eye surgery 33 like I don't feel guilty about that 34 and I I feel I just feel like they're trying to make me feel bad about things I actually like 35 about myself 36 like it's just hard for me 37 and like my journals I've written "It's hard to take harsh criticism." 38 like the first criticism on my dress code 39 like I can take that 40 but on things like where it's just about to me being a good person 41 it's rough for me to like shake that down 42 like I don't know if I can do that 43 Leslie So is your conclusion that these guys aren't good people 44 Renae yeah 45 pretty much 46 like they just haven't 47 all I've learned so far about being professional from them is basically 48 keep everything at base level 49 and like don't be genuine 50 and make sure make sure you at least appear well 51 because like all I've learned is that as long as you appear well like that's fine

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52 because like from appearance they look like they're really nice girls and stuff but like ((shakes head)) 53 Abby How many days have you been there? 54 Renae I've been there 55 four days 56 Abby To me it seems like maybe that 57 you you've experienced a few incidents that are just 58 isolated incidents that 59 have left a bad taste in your mouth 60 and that maybe 61 if you give it a little more time 62 those will kind of 63 hopefully 64 I don't I don't think you will experience something like that every day 65 you know 66 Renae It it has been every day 67 it's just been like weird 68 Abby Another thing I think is that you 69 you seem to thrive on personal connection 70 and on making connections with people on a meaningful level 71 and that's not going to happen everywhere you go 72 and sometimes 73 and and if it does happen 74 usually it takes time 75 so like you might find that you really connect with those girls 76 if you give it more time 77 but and their 78 think about it from their perspective 79 this is their job 80 it's ((snaps finger)) 81 like they have 82 they have something that works and they stick to it 83 so they're probably not thinking about 84 "I'm hurting her feelings." 85 they're just like 86 we gotta ((snaps fingers)) keep it rolling 87 this is how we do it 88 and so 89 that might seem harsh to you 90 but from their end 91 that might not be an intentional thing 92 you know what I mean 93 Renae ((nods her head)) 94 Abby That's just something to think about 95 Renae yeah 96 Abby because I don't think they are intentionally (1) trying (1) to hurt you 97 I mean I don't 98 I can't see that 99 especially from an organization whose= 100 Renae That's what I meant 101 like that's what I'm trying to understand 102 because it's all about like empowering women 103 that's why like I don't understand how 104 I can be there 105 and feel so undignified 106 like ugly and sad 107 because they won't understand that

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108 I mean I'm not quitting obviously 109 like (1) I'm not going to do that 110 but like (1) I'm hoping it gets better 111 but so far 112 like it's just like 113 the whole thing has been hurting my feelings 114 and it's not 115 like I've tried hard to 116 like see the good parts about it 117 but it's just hard to 118 because it's just like every interaction is a very 119 like 120 ((moves her hands and shakes her head)) I don't know

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B5: Seminar: Reflective meaning making: Expectations 1.20.15 minutes 13:50-18:00

1 Leslie I think too that it's like hard 2 it's really hard to 3 like we have expectations about what we xpect a (1) helpful= 4 Abby =non-profit 5 Leslie yeah 6 is going to be 7 and they have (1) strict (1) ideas about how they want it to run 8 Abby yeah 9 Leslie and so 10 Renae it's just weird to me that the State House 11 which I thought was going to be so much more strict 12 but like (1) at Dress for Success 13 like every pen has to be turned a certain way 14 at a certain angle 15 it's such a different (1) atmosphere (1) than 16 ((shakes head)) it's just weird 17 Abby it's probably making it harder for you 18 because you went expecting it to be 19 not rigid 20 Leslie @@@@ 21 Abby and now xxxxx 22 Leslie that's true 23 Abby so that's probably 24 because your expectations were so different 25 the reality of it is 26 impacted you more (@@@@@) because you're like 27 "this is not what I expected" 28 and same with the State House 29 Leslie yeah you're xxxxx 30 Abby you're like "oh this is great" 31 you know 32 and you half-expected the State House, probably, to be a rigid, a more rigid experience 33 Renae ((nods her head)) 34 Leslie yeah that's kind of, that's kind of the uh, unfortunate thing about expectations 35 and that's why we've made that one of the first topics 36 is that everybody's got expectations 37 and the reality is always different than our expectations 38 and so, it does kind of play into like our feelings and stuff 39 and so it's just like, it is just interesting that 40 you know 41 when you, when you think something is going to be like warm and fuzzy 42 and it turns out to be a professional xxxx 43 Renae I expected it to be professional 44 but I didn't know professionalism 45 was smiling 46 and then like kind of like going and being like really mean once they leave 47 I didn't know that was professional 48 Abby It's not 49 Renae That's what I mean, like I don't like understand that 50 Leslie They're being really mean to people after they leave? 51 Renae yeah like they'll have like clients come in, or like donors, 52 and they'll be talking to like M or something

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53 and they'll always be just like "YEAH" and then the second they leave she'll, be like, ((makes a face)) 54 she'll just, it's just completely, I just like don't, that's what I mean 55 it's just like a very in-genuine atmosphere 56 and I'm like, not that way 57 and I just like 58 it's hard for me to be around that 59 and not feel just completely like uncomfortable 60 because then again if she 61 what's to say she is like, nice to me 62 like I don't, I wouldn't believe it 63 Leslie But do you mean they're being mean to people after they leave 64 or they're just not emoting? 65 Renae They just they just like, they just like lack that passion that xxxxx I think 66 Leslie but do you mean that they lack the passion 67 that you can read them 68 and you know their motivation and that they 69 or that they're just not, responding the way you think a person should respond who is doing that? 70 do you understand my question? 71 are they mean to people when they leave? 72 like when they leave are they like "that, oh that dumb bitch, she blah-blah-blah" 73 or are you meaning 74 Renae no it's just like their 75 the way that 76 once again cause like 77 there's no talk like that 78 but it's all just in the way that 79 I watch as they, I watch as the way they express themselves 80 like after clients leave 81 and it's always just like "YEAH" 82 and it's just like ((groans with an uncomfortable face)) 83 Leslie but what I'm saying is are you= 84 Renae xxxxx xxxx 85 Leslie are you putting 86 are you reading into their motives in a way that may or may not be accurate? 87 like 88 Renae perhaps 89 Leslie do you see the way they are 90 and it's not like the way that you would respond 91 so you're like assuming that it's like 92 they don't care 93 Renae that's just what it felt like 94 Leslie okay yeah

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Appendix C: Full Transcriptions of Second Event Series

Section Event Date and Page # Time

Section C.1 Heidi’s January 8 Journal 1.8.15 145

Section C.2 Heidi’s January 9 Journal 1.9.15 147

Section C.3 Heidi’s January 12 Journal 1.12.15 151

Section C.4 Heidi’s January 13 Journal 1.13.15 157

Section C.5 Heidi’s January 14 Journal 1.14.15 158

Section C.6 Heidi’s January 15 Journal 1.15.15 159

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C1: Heidi’s Journal 1.8.15

line Speaker Message Unit # 1 Heidi Well. 2 Day one. 3 I lived. 4 I’ll probably do more of the reflection stuff on Monday when I start my first full week.

5 So I’ll explain what went on today (probably going to be a little diary-like for right now, sorry Liz). 6 So today when I got there, Marcus took me to my “desk” or whatever you want to call it. 7 It’s not officially mine or anything, it’s just an open intern space for me. 8 Marcus then introduced me to the other two interns that are working there. 9 Those interns are in college. 10 But I suppose that’s the norm. 11 Their names are Marcus and Hadley. 12 So great, we have two Marcuss now for me to write about. 13 Let’s assume that Marcus is of the Decker variety and M Jr. is the intern one. 14 They were both very nice. 15 M Jr. showed me what the interns are responsible for in the morning (cleaning out mugs, filling up water jugs, preparing water for guests, etc.) 16 They both showed me how they prepare notecards for Alito read out during the show. 17 Then I went into the sound booth to watch the first hour of the show. 18 The Mayor was there so that was pretty cool. 19 I basically shadowed the technical sound lady, Audrey, for this hour. 20 Then for the second hour, I actually went into the studio with Ali and sat in a chair in the corner to watch. 21 There were three local musicians as guests. 22 One of the singers, EG said something I thought was cool and relevant. 23 He said, “Take your dream seriously.” 24 That resonated with me because of the crazy and very competitive stuff I want to do with my life. 25 Especially once I enter my second Walkabout, which will hopefully be more specific to want I want my career to be, I hope it will help me take my dream even more seriously. 26 I definitely take it seriously, as do all of the important people in my life. 27 But I know as I move further along, that there will be others who don’t. 28 I hope I can remember what he said when that happens in my life. 29 Leslie Did you know EG graduated from Waverly? 30 That is such a good thing to contemplate for you. 31 You have some pretty powerful dreams, and it’s good not to give up on them. 32 I think we often are encouraged to be more practical—which is good at some point and in some ways, but it’s also wise to contemplate and see how we can do with our dreams. 33 It’s great that you have supportive parents and friends for your dream. 34 Sounds like you got a decent opening day in terms of getting the overall picture of what you need to do. 35 Great that the people are nice to you.

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C2: Heidi’s Journal 1.9.15

Line Speaker Message Unit # 1 Heidi Less to report today. 2 I got there WAY too early though. 3 I’m supposed to be there at 9, 4 but because I’m paranoid about being late, I got there at 8:30 5 and I was locked out of the section of the building that we’re in. 6 Marcus wasn’t even there yet. 7 So that was awkward. 8 Definitely something to think about in the future. 9 I would just hate to get stuck in traffic and be late. 10 Especially with [Major Midwestern University] starting school again this coming week. 11 It could add to the traffic. 12 I don’t know. 13 I’ll try to get there at a more acceptable time on Monday. 14 So today, Marcus asked me to get the studio ready. 15 I had to carry a ton of cups and a water jug to the bathroom to wash and it was a struggle. 16 I kept almost dropping things 17 and I couldn’t get doors open. 18 It probably took me a lot longer than it should have. 19 But I did it. 20 We also had a meeting to go to in the morning. 21 I had no clue what was going on. 22 I’m not even sure what the meeting was about. 23 There were other people there too, who aren’t a part of All Sides. 24 I was just a little confused all around. 25 Then, before the show started, Marcus asked me to find some sound clips to use on the show next week. 26 Newsies will be in town and they are having a few cast members on the show. 27 I am very excited about this. 28 Marcus wanted me to find some sections of songs from the show that they could play. 29 That was right up my alley 30 so it was fun to do. 31 I think something that might cause a little bit of a problem at some point is the fact that I overthink everything. 32 I am worried that I’ll do something wrong 33 because Marcus might want it an exact way 34 and I’ll probably ask too many questions. 35 I don’t know. 36 I guess we’ll see what happens. 37 Once the show started, Marcus asked me to watch the show and watch the studio chat in case something was printed that I needed to deliver. 38 Nothing was printed though, 39 so that was pretty uneventful. 40 Then we had to upload the podcast 41 and we were free to go. 42 I think Marcus will start keeping me longer when there is more for me to do. 43 Maybe. 44 I don’t know. 45 Until next time. 46 Leslie I think it is difficult to understand how important something as mundane as watching the chat might be. 47 First, you are learning about Ali and about the questions that are asked. 48 You are also learning about the topics and the guests, which will come in handy for follow up topics and guests.

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49 Additionally, you are there is anything goes wrong, which can happen. 50 BECAUSE YOU ARE WORKING ON A LIVE SHOW. 51 Thanks for great journals for the first two days.

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C3: Heidi’s Journal 1.12.15

line Speaker Message Unit # 1 Heidi I might as well do the assigned entry today 2 because I will inevitably forget about it if I don’t do it first. 3 So, how does the reality compare with my expectations? 4 Good question, Leslie . 5 I would say that it’s not that different than what I expected. 6 I expected to have more to do during the day, 7 but I’m assuming that will come the longer I’m there. 8 I expected parts of it to be kind of boring 9 and boy, was I right about that. 10 As for my feelings and anxieties, I kind of just feel like I’m not doing everything right? 11 I guess maybe I’m just unclear of their expectations of me. 12 I’ve been tentative about asking for help 13 because I don’t want to seem like a burden. 14 And it’s not even about important things, 15 it’s like about where the microwave is so I can heat up my lunch. 16 I haven’t asked that yet, 17 so I kind of just...don’t eat the things that need to be heated up. 18 It’s dumb 19 and I know it, 20 but I feel like I need to earn my place a little bit in general. 21 Leslie Heidi, I think you have a good handle on your expectations and how they are different from the reality. 22 I think you shouldn’t hesitate to ask questions, though. 23 What are the boring parts? 24 Anything that you are enjoying? 25 Heidi In other news, I stapled my finger today. 26 No kidding. 27 Leslie OH NO—or should I laugh? 28 Try to avoid doing that. J 29 Heidi Literally lodged a staple fully into my finger. 30 Which ties into me not wanting to ask for help 31 because when it happened, Marcus was talking to me about what he wanted me to research. 32 I was absentmindedly playing with a stapler and pressed it down on my finger. 33 And it hurt like hell. 34 But being me, I didn’t want to say anything 35 because I’m an idiot 36 so I just waited for him to leave. 37 And then I pulled it out of my finger and went to the bathroom to wash it. 38 Great times. 39 My finger hurts as I type this. 40 Be careful with staplers, kids. 41 Leslie Haha….yes J 42 make sure you tell your parents 43 Heidi Today was just incredibly boring. 44 The show wasn’t particularly interesting 45 and the only “work” I had to do was look up a bunch of stuff about legalizing marijuana for a future show. 46 I really just need to get more comfortable and believe that I have a right to be there. 47 Because I do, 48 but right now it feels more like I’m intruding. 49 Taking initiative is hard. 50 Leslie This is probably one of those things that you are already aware of about yourself, 51 but I’m looking forward to see whow you grow in your ability to take initiative.

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52 Heidi Whatever. 53 I’ll get better. 54 See ya tomorrow.

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C4: Heidi’s Journal 1.13.15

Line Speaker Message Unit # 1 Heidi I feel like I’m getting into a routine of sorts, which is good. 2 Every morning I prepare the studio and tape the notecards and such. 3 Usually M Jr. or Hadley would do these jobs, but since I’m here, I kind of take over for the lackey jobs while they do the stuff they need to do to get ready for the show. 4 I don’t have as much to do before the show, so I’m happy to get that done for them. 5 Yesterday, I didn’t have anything to do during the show besides just watching it, so today I asked Marcus if there was something I could be looking up during the show, while watching the chat. 6 I figured I’d be more useful that way. 7 He asked me to look up topics for next week’s Tech Tuesday and email them to him. 8 I did and he just sent back, “Good ideas. 9 Thanks.” 10 I was unsure what to make of that. 11 I’m glad he liked them, but I don’t know if it’s exactly what he wanted. 12 Or if he’ll even use them. I guess I’ll find out next week… 13 On today’s show, there were a bunch of tech issues. 14 How ironic. 15 On Tech Tuesday. 16 It was definitely the most stressful show so far because it seemed that everyone was kind of crazed because of the callers getting dropped and the sound being weird. 17 It was really fine though. 18 We got through it. 19 And I actually got to deliver some emails today woo. 20 Leslie What does it mean to deliver emails? 21 Heidi After the show, I asked Marcus what he wanted me to do and he told me to take a crack at writing something. 22 A little intimidating, but it wasn’t much. 23 I wrote the intro to the section of Thursday’s show about Newsies. 24 I think I did an okay job, and Ali and Marcus will probably look at it tomorrow. 25 So hopefully they like it. 26 My finger still hurts. 27 Leslie UGH 28 Heidi As for my reflective thoughts so far and my initial feelings toward it...I’m glad that everyone seems to be trying to include me. 29 It would be very easy for them to overlook me and give all of the work to M Jr. and Hadley, but Marcus always gives me something to do and I hope that I’m actually useful to them. 30 The only things that worry me are when Marcus asks me to look something up about a topic that I don’t know much about. 31 Which is most topics, to be honest. 32 It’s just hard for me to find the right things because I don’t understand what I’m reading. 33 That’s probably my own fault because I’ve never really been someone who pays attention to the news or the economy and that might be hurting me now. 34 I also find it boring, but that’s probably because I don’t understand it. 35 I wish I could go back in my life and be more attentive, but I can’t. 36 I just want to be able to feel like part of the conversation if they’re talking about tax reforms or the real estate market or something. 37 Sigh. 38 I feel really stupid. 39 I’m just uneducated about this stuff. 40 And it’s not like we’re ever taught anything like this in school. 41 Anyway. I know I’m not supposed to make this a diary, but I feel like I have to tell you what I do every day.

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42 What’s the point of you reading my reflections on my day, if you don’t know what I’m reflecting on? 43 Feel free to tell me if I’m doing this wrong. 44 Alrighty. 45 Well I guess that’s about it. 46 Another day awaits. 47 Leslie I love that you are asking what else to do and submitting ideas and writing (smiley face)

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C5: Heidi’s Journal 1.14.15

Line Speaker Message Unit # 1 Heidi I could tell Marcus had less for me to do today. 2 I asked him what I should do during the show, and he was just kind of like, “Umm. 3 Look for more stuff for Tech Tuesday. 4 It’s always good to have more ideas.” 5 So I did that. 6 And I watched the show and chat and delivered some emails. 7 The show was funny yesterday because two of the guest starting arguing and they just wouldn’t answer Ann’s questions because they wanted to keep arguing. 8 And one guy just wouldn’t shut up. 9 In the chat, the sound director was typing, “I want to turn off his mic.” 10 It was pretty funny. 11 Tomorrow we’re having two of the Newsies actors so I’m excited about that. 12 After the show, I felt kind of useless, but that’s how it is pretty much every day. 13 Sometimes there’s not enough work for all three of the interns so I’m left with nothing to do. 14 Leslie Hopefully this will change as you get more and more comfortable and competent. 15 Heidi I usually eat my lunch then. 16 And I did figure out where the microwave is. 17 Leslie Yay! 18 Heidi Though I have yet to use it. 19 Later, Marcus asked me to go into Ann’s office and we would take a look at what I wrote on Tuesday. 20 That was pretty intimidating. 21 She’s a very strong woman 22 Leslie (yes, she is) 23 Heidi which is scary to an awkward teenager. 24 She’s very nice though. 25 She basically changed everything I wrote. 26 I didn’t mind, I just feel like I disappointed her. 27 I probably didn’t, but it still feels that way. 28 She gave me some good tips for when I write more in the future. 29 Then she found some more writing for me to do. 30 She had me write the billboard for a show about hockey next week. 31 A billboard is the voiceover that’s played a few minutes before the show to say what’s coming up one the show. 32 It was surprisingly hard to write. 33 I did my best and they’ll probably look at it tomorrow. 34 Leslie This is an awesome opportunity for you to write for real life. 35 The type of writing in journalism is different, so try not to be daunted, and just pay attention to what they are saying and critiquing. 36 It’s such an amazing chance to get someone’s perspective on your writing, to learn to take critique and to improve skills (smiley face) 37 Heidi I think one of the positives of this job is the atmosphere. 38 Everyone has treated me extremely well and I like that I don’t have to dress up super fancy every day. 39 Hadley and M Jr. are always willing to help me. 40 Another positive is the fact that they treat me like any one of their other interns, not like a kid. 41 Also, I don’t feel nearly as stressed as I do at school. 42 It’s a different kind of stress, but once I go home, it doesn’t loom over me like school does. 43 Not having homework is a big plus. 44 Just journals. 45 Anyway.

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46 That’s all I got for today. 47 Talk tomorrow. 48 Leslie Nice focus on the good things. 49 I appreciate your positive spirit. 50 I can tell that you are thinking through things and I really value how you are trying to look at the positive things instead of just focusing on what is hard.

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C6: Heidi’s Journal 1.15.15

Line Speaker Message Unit # 1 Heidi I think today was the most interesting show for us doing the behind the scenes. 2 They were talking about marijuana legalization 3 and so many people called in with their opinions. 4 I felt bad for M Jr. because he had to answer the phones. 5 And a new person was calling every 10 seconds. 6 Everybody in the office can see the calls and the chat through a certain program on the computers. 7 Except today, because of all of the callers, the system crashed 8 and we couldn’t talk to each other anymore. 9 This was only really a problem 10 because none of us could talk to Ali. 11 The rest of us are all 20 feet away from each other. 12 But Ali had no way to communicate with us. 13 We also had a phone guest, 14 but somehow they didn’t get dropped which was a miracle. 15 Marcus had to reboot the system, 16 but it eventually got under control. 17 It was definitely interesting. 18 Marcus said that that hasn’t happened in a very long time. 19 Leslie Wow. 20 That sounds so stressful 21 Heidi Then, for the second hour, they talked about the newspaper industry. 22 I was interested 23 because two of the Newsies cast members were on for a little bit. 24 It was cool to know they were just in the other room. 25 Also that all the music they played were clips that I had found! 26 I was just thinking the whole time, “I did that! 27 That was me!” 28 It was a weird feeling. 29 I’m still annoyed that I can’t see the show but whatever. 30 Leslie Haha….that is cool that you had the clips!! 31 Heidi After the show, I didn’t really know what to do 32 so I just looked up some ideas for Wellness Wednesday and sent them to Marcus. 33 Then I ate lunch 34 but I really had nothing to do 35 and I wasn’t sure if I should ask, or just look for more ideas or what. 36 I did ask Marcus what he wanted me to do. 37 He told me to start filling in parts of the script for the hockey show next week. 38 So I put in the names of guests and who they are, 39 and I put in some links that will be put on the website, 40 and I started the intros to each section by writing the guest introductions. 41 It went okay. 42 I just always feel unsure of myself. 43 I’m not sure when they’ll look at it. 44 Leslie Great job pressing forward and taking risks and thinking about how to contribute. 45 Heidi Anyway. 46 Some of the negatives of the job. 47 It can be boring at times. 48 The work can be tedious. 49 I can only tape names onto notecards so many times before it gets boring. 50 I also never know what I’m supposed to be doing exactly. 51 That’s probably my fault, 52 but still. 53 I guess another negative is that it’s not really a job I could ever see myself doing

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54 so it’s not very...fun. 55 It just feels like I go to work every day, 56 I just don’t get paid. 57 I don’t know. 58 I don’t really want to do it for seven more weeks 59 but I can’t do anything about that. 60 I guess that’s it for today. 61 At least tomorrow is Friday. 62 Leslie Yes, you are right about the negatives. 63 I realize that it isn’t all fun, 64 but it seems like you are actually learning, even though you may not see it. 65 You are already figuring out how to deal with a new and uncomfortable environment, 66 and you are pushing through even when it isn’t fun. 67 All jobs have their negative aspects, 68 and it’s good for you to realize this too. 69 I think your attitude seems great 70 and I appreciate the way you are evaluating things. 71 Also, It’s OK if you tell me what you do every day. 72 You are thinking about things too, 73 so it is fine. 74 I like that they are including you and giving you a chance to come up with topics and potentially write stuff. 75 We will see next week if they like your writing and/or if they use your ideas. 76 Why do you think certain things are boring to you? 77 Do you see any way to expand what you believe to be interesting? 78 Your journals are good so far, 79 and I’m looking forward to see how you wrestle through some of your personality strengths and weaknesses as you are at the show. 80 You are a smart and competent person, 81 but I know that being in a new situation is challenging. 82 Keep moving forward; 83 it’s great that you are trying to take initiative and asking what else you can do.

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Appendix D: Full Transcriptions of Cheryl’s Narrativizations of Experience Over Time

Section Event Date and Page # Time

Section D.1 Cheryl’s February 25 Journal 2.25.15 178

Section D.2 Cheryl’s February 28 Journal 2.28.15 181

Section D.3 Cheryl’s March 5 Journal 3.5.15 182

Section D.4 Cheryl’s March 12 Journal 3.12.15 184

Section D.5 Cheryl’s March 18 Journal 3.18.15 175, 184

Section D.6 Cheryl’s March 19 Journal 3.19.15 187

Section D.7 Cheryl’s March 24 Journal 3.24.15 190

Section D.8 Mike’s March 25 Journal 3.25.15 191

Section D.9 Mike’s March 31 Feedback 3.31.15 199

Section D.10 Cheryl’s April 4 Journal 4.4.15 205

Section D.11 Cheryl’s April 14 Journal 4.14.15 179

Section D.12 Cheryl’s April 16 Journal 4.16.15 210

Section D.13 Cheryl’s Submission to Class 5.15.15 212 Walkabout Book

Section D.14 Cheryl’s Symposium Presentation 5.22.15 180

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D1: Cheryl’s Journal 2.25.15

Line Speaker Message Unit # 1 Cheryl So during seminar this week we got on the topic of middle school. 2 I'm in the Tuesday seminar that only has 3 other people in it. 3 3 out of the 4 of us were from Phillips, 4 so we discussed what we liked and disliked about that school. 5 There were plenty of good things about that program. 6 The mastery grading system helped me a lot academically. 7 My grades improved, 8 I tried harder, 9 and I became a more independent student. 10 This all carried through to high school 11 and helped me a lot. 12 We also covered subjects that had not been covered much before, like philosophy, religion, politics, and current events. 13 I found these subjects interesting 14 and started forming some vague opinions. 15 All the teachers were very encouraging and engaging too, 16 particularly Mr.Roy, who was the choir teacher eighth grade. 17 I had just started taking voice lessons 18 and he was very glad to hear this 19 and let me sing a song by myself at one of the concerts. 20 He also did more than teach us a few songs to sing for each concert. 21 He seemed to genuinely want to educate us on music. 22 He taught how to read music, sing solfege, 23 and lectured on music history,composers, theory 24 and had us teach ourselves songs without his help. 25 Most of the other people I choir hated his class 26 because, unlike the precious teacher, we had to do work other than sing 27 and he didn't give us free days just to talk. 28 i loved his class though. 29 I found it very interesting 30 and he encouraged me to continue music in high school. 31 I loved the academic side of Phillips, 32 but this great "community" they always talked about wasn't something I experienced. 33 In the year before middle school, I had slowly started coming out of my shell 34 and started making some more friends 35 and was bullied a little less. 36 I figured once I entered Phillips 37 I would have a fresh start 38 and be able to make a ton of new friends. 39 That didn't really happen though. 40 The summer before seventh grade, some very bad stuff was happening at home 41 and the worst of it happened the day before the first day of school. 42 I hadn't spent a lot of time with my friends that summer 43 and on the first day I was still somewhat In shock 44 and not really in the mood to me social. 45 My social anxiety just seemed to grow and persist 46 and I distanced myself from everyone but two of my friends from elementary school. 47 They both disliked almost everyone in the school 48 and would judge me if I wanted to make new friends. 49 I don't know.

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50 I kinda blocked a lot of middle school out of my brain. 51 I remember feeling incredibly lonely and anxious, 52 being teased, 53 and taking my frustration out on my two friends. 54 People alway called Phillips "one big family". 55 Man, I hated that. 56 I know I hadn't tried that hard to reach out to anyone, 57 but no one ever took notice of how sad I was and reached out to me. 58 A lot of kids actually mocked me for being so quiet. 59 I never felt like a part of that community. 60 I was afraid high school was going to be more of the same. 61 It took me a few years befor I finally started coming out of my shell again, 62 but there were plenty of upperclassmen and teachers who reached out to me. 63 It took a while, but the past couple years I've really started to feel like I was a part of a community. 64 I wouldn't describe it as "one big family"; 65 honestly there are a good number of Lincoln students I've never talked to before. 66 I feel like the students and teachers are very nurturing 67 and I'm very grateful for that

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D2: Cheryl’s Journal 2.28.15

Line # Speaker Message Unit 1 Cheryl I started today getting breakfast with mom. 2 It's nice having such a variety of restaurants within a couple blocks of my place. 3 Most of them aren't too crazy expensive either. 4 After breakfast we walked over to Chelsea market. 5 It's pretty similar to the north market in that there's a lot of variety in good quality food, but is a bit pricey. 6 I found a pretty affordable grocery store though and was able to get a salad and an apple to pack for lunch for 3 dollars. 7 After that I headed over to rehearsal for Cosmopolitan youth opera while my mom did some sight seeing. 8 I was suprised how few and how young the people in the group were. 9 There were only 13 of us and a lot of them seemed to be freshmen or sophomores. 10 We started with "death by aria" in which all of us sang an aria infront of the group. 11 There were definitely some good singers in the group, but there were some less advanced sounding singers too. 12 For the concert in May each of us are going to sing a solo aria, perform in a scene, and sing two chorus songs. 13 Today we just worked on the chorus songs. 14 Both of the songs are pretty difficult, particularly the Italian diction. 15 During rehearsal we had a break for lunch 16 and I got to talk with some of the kids in the group. 17 All of them were nice and welcoming. 18 I asked them what they do for fun in the city and they told me that there's plenty of free concerts and art shows and lots of student discounts for other events. 19 They also said that just walking around town is fun. 20 After rehearsal I talked to Mr.Alvarez, who will be my voice and piano teacher while I'm in NY. 21 We scheduled lessons and he told me he's willing to let me use his studio when him or another teacher isn't using it. 22 He said for this week Sunday is the only day I can't use it. 23 I'm very grateful for that because renting out a practice room would've added almost $1000 to the expenses of this walkabout. 24 So we met up with my mom and took a taxi to go get keys copied. 25 Mr.Alvarez's a pretty talkative guy 26 and on our way there he gave me some tips on living in the city. 27 He said to never take a gypsy cab, a cab that's not yellow, because they charge way more. 28 He also gve me tips on getting cheap tickets to the opera. 29 Something funny he said was "I lived in Boston for nine years 30 and they are way ruder there than they are here. 31 In New York people are in too much of a hurry to be that rude, 32 in boston, people go out of their way to be rude to you." 33 He also talked about how much work Cosmopolitan youth opera is 34 saying it was a full-time job, 35 plus he teaches at two different colleges, 36 so he has to travel between Pennsylvania and NYC. 37 I feel like a lot of the musicians I meet are similarly overworked and stressed and many of them are in financial trouble. 38 It reminds me of how Renae and Joseph work long and odd hours and deal with a lot of stress for little pay. 39 I think it's a good thing I'm seeing these people who sacrifice money, time, and sanity in order to do something they love and find meaningful, 40 because by choosing a career in music I'm going to have to make similar sacrifices. 41 Anyway, Mr.Alvarez seems like a very nice guy

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42 and I'm looking forward to taking lessons with him. 43 After that we met up with my cousin who goes to Barnard for dinner. 44 It's been a couple years since I've seen her so it was nice to catch up. 45 It's kinda funny, she's lived in the city for two years now, 46 but she says she doesn't really know anything outside of campus. 47 Economics majors seem to be pretty busy people. 48 After dinner we went to the Metropolitan Opera's production of Tales of Hoffmann. 49 My mom managed to get tickets for just $30. 50 It was a very enjoyable opera. 51 The singers and the orchestra were incredible 52 and the famous James Levine was conducting. 53 Despite being I the cheap seats, the sound wasn't that muffled. 54 The story itself has a great mix of humor and drama 55 and despite being 3 hours long it didn't feel like it dragged on too much. 56 Unfortunately we had to leave before the last act though. 57 My curfew is 12 on Friday and Saturdays, 58 so we needed time to get back. 59 It's been a long day but a good one. 60 I'm pretty excited about living in this city.

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D3: Cheryl’s Journal 3.5.15

Line # Speaker Message Unit 1 Cheryl I didn't have anything to do until my lesson at 1. 2 I originally thought it would be a good day to go out exploring and maybe walk through Central Park. 3 It was heavily snowing all day though, 4 and I'm getting tired of aimlessly walking around in the sloshy snow. 5 My unbrella broke the first day I arrived in New York and multiple strangers have commented on this, 6 so I finally caved in and bought one. 7 The only place I could find nearby was a gift shop. 8 I thought $10 was too much for a cheap looking umbrella. 9 Then the handle broke off within a half an hour of using it. 10 Man, I was pissed. 11 It still kinda works, 12 but it's probably going to fall apart within a week. 13 During my first walkabout I didn't really talk much about lessons, 14 but I think they might've worth writing about this time. 15 Since I have a new teacher, it'll be a new expiriene for me. 16 I'll probably write a bit about the technique work and his teaching style. 17 I don't know how much of this will mean anything to you, 18 but I think for my own sake it would be good to have a record of what I'm learning. 19 He started by asking me how I warm up. 20 I gave him a kinda vague description of how I warm up; 21 I'm not very consistent with this. 22 He explained the importance of warming up and took me through how he sugests I warm up. 23 During the warm up he pointed out some technique issues he's noticed with me. 24 These included jaw tension, posture, vibrato consistency, and legato. 25 He also asked about the schools I'm applying to and asked me who the teachers were at each school. 26 With exception of Oberlin and [Major Midwest University], I didn't really know the names of the teachers. 27 I had taken sample lessons at Baldwin Wallace and CIM 28 , but I couldn't really remember the names of the teachers. 29 He told me that the most important thing for an undergraduate singer is to have a good voice teacher. 30 I felt bad that I hadn't done a whole lot of research on the teachers at these schools. 31 The thing is I don't know how much I'll be able to find out about them online. 32 I can probably read their bios on the schools websites and see if anyone wrote about them on ratemyprofessor.com, 33 but I don't really know if I'll be able to gauge how good a teacher they are from this. 34 We also worked on the aria I'm singing for Cosmopolitan. 35 He asked me a lot of questions about the plot of the opera it's from, my character, and the translation. 36 Before coming to New York, I did translate the opera and skimmed through the synopsis, 37 but I definitely need to read up more on the opera. 38 Starting with a new teacher is kinda scary. 39 I know my teacher at home 40 and she knows me. 41 I know her teaching style and am not thrown off when she makes a critical comment. 42 She also has heard me at my best and my worst, 43 so she knows when I'm having an off day,instead of thinking that's how I normally sound. 44 I think a lot of the tension I had during the lesson was from being nervous and wanting to make a good first impression. 45 Hopefully within the next couple lessons I'll get more comfortable with him. 46 That's not to say I don't like him. 47 He's actually a very nice and funny guy. 48 He gave me a lot of good feed back 49 and I think it'll be good for me to hear a new perspective on my voice.

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50 I had thought about going out to a concert or an art show or something, 51 but I as really tired. 52 The first few days of New York felt like a vacation and that I had to make the most of each day. 53 After about a week of living here it feels a bit different. 54 It seems less like an amazing wonderland like I perceived it when I was a kid. 55 I still like it though. 56 There's always something to do, 57 it has a huge arts community, 58 it's easy to get anywhere, 59 everything I need is within a couple blocks, 60 and being surrounded by a huge diverse community are all aspects that I enjoy, 61 but I'm getting pretty tired of the cold, wet shoes, car horns, weird men bothering me on the street, how expensive everything is, and not knowing anyone. 62 If I had people to go do things with, I would be more willing to go out more. 63 I ended up spending the evening practicing. 64 Occasionally when I practice I get into a really negative mind set. 65 I'll feel up satisfied with how it sound and get angry at myself. 66 It just escalates and eventually I hate every sound that comes out of my mouth. 67 That happened tonight. 68 It makes for a pretty unproductive practice session and just puts me in a down mood. 69 It's a hard mentality to get out of 70 and I usually don't get over it till a day or two later. 71 I hold a lot of my self worth in my singing, 72 so when I'm not satisfied with how I sound it affects me a lot.

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D4: Cheryl’s Journal 3.12.15

Line # Speaker Message Unit 1 Cheryl Today I met up with a girl I know online at a cafe. 2 She's an animation major at NYU. 3 It was really nice to talk to her in person. 4 Though I'm constantly surrounded by people in this city, 5 it can still be very isolating. 6 So it was nice to actually get to know 7 and talk to one of the many in the crowd. 8 She offered to go to a museum with me later this week. 9 I'm glad that I have someone to go do things with. 10 The place we met up was in west village 11 so I wasn't very familiar with the area 12 and I couldn't find the subway station I needed to take. 13 It was 20 minutes till my lesson which was 40 blocks away. 14 I ended up calling a cab. 15 I was 5 minutes late for my lesson. 16 I felt pretty bad. 17 Mr.Alvarez wasn't mad though. 18 I told him that I got lost 19 and he just laughed and told me it was fine. 20 During the lesson we worked on the new songs. 21 One issue he pointed out in my voice is 22 that in my low and middle range, 23 my vibrato is too wide and uneven. 24 Both of these songs are in this range 25 and force me to work on this issue. 26 He gave me a few methods to even out my vibrato. 27 One was to sing on ng sound, 28 another was to sing straight tone, 29 another was to sing like I'm whining. 30 The ng one worked best for me, 31 but he told me to play around with these methods 32 when I practice to week. 33 I like that he gives me multiple methods and explanations when he teaches. 34 Usually one of them ends up clicking. 35 During the piano lesson 36 I was kinda struggling with the song he gave me. 37 He told me it was okay that I was struggling though. 38 He said he could tell I practiced. 39 That means a lot that he appreciated the work I put in 40 along with giving me a critique. 41 We also discussed college teachers during the lesson. 42 He said even if a teacher is a good singer and can teach the technique, 43 it's also important that the teacher is sane. 44 He said crazy is contagious, 45 and that we should enjoy singing 46 and not become insanely critical of ourselves and others. 47 I feel like Mr.Alvarez is a very nurturing teacher. 48 He has a good balance of critique and compliment, 49 he jokes around in lessons 50 and makes the student feel comfortable, 51 and he seems to genuinely care about all of his students.

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52 He pointed out a lot that I need to work on during this lesson. 53 If it had been a different teacher, 54 I might've walked out of that lesson angry at myself and stressed. 55 Instead I left in a good mood, 56 knowing what I needed to work on this week.

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D5: Cheryl’s Journal 3.18.15

Line # Speaker Message Unit 1 Cheryl I started my day by studying my music 2 and trying to memorize the translations and synopsises of the operas. 3 I had my coaching with Max later that day, 4 and I knew that coachings typically focus on style, language, and character building, 5 where as lessons focus on technique. 6 So I tried to be as prepared as I could be. 7 Another day at RIM. 8 The days are starting to go a little faster. 9 I'm given a little more variety in tasks. 10 I've also been giving myself "rewards". 11 For example, I'll tell myself that tone I finish a task I can have a mint or fill up my water bottle 12 and I always have my lunch around 2:00, 13 so it splits the day up. 14 I remember in Farm to Table we discussed the importance of setting aside time for meals and eating with other people. 15 I definitely realize I don't like having to work and eat at the same time. 16 Dinner is nice because everyone in the hostel sits together and eats a home cooked meal 17 and I get to talk with M, the Japanese student I met. 18 She speaks the most English out of the group. 19 I had to leave RIM a little early to get to my coaching. 20 Max lives about 80 blocks north of RIM. 21 The train was running late, 22 so I was almost late to the lesson. 23 I wasn't expecting a whole lot from the lesson. 24 I figured we'd work on the language 25 and talk about the characters I'm playing. 26 He's also a lot younger than Mr.Alvarez and Gentry. 27 I'm guessing late 20s early 30s. 28 Most of the teachers I've had have been 50+ 29 so I figured someone less experienced would be a worse teacher. 30 The lesson turned out to be a kind of "breakthrough" lesson for me. 31 We ended up working mostly on technique. 32 He taught me to sing more pure vowels. 33 One method that really helped me was that he used English words to explain French words. 34 Like for the word "seigneurs" 35 he told me to sing the word September 36 and to use the same "eh" vowel from September in the word seigneurs. 37 We also worked on singing more legato. 38 He told me to sing like I'm a slide whistle or trombone instead of a piano. 39 This helped me a lot too. 40 I have a problem with singing too much "in my throught". 41 To get me to sing more in my head voice, he had me speak the words really high, like Minnie Mouse or something. 42 I typically speak in a pretty low voice, 43 so this forced me to free up my voice. 44 My tone became a lot clearer, 45 I had less tension, 46 my vibrato evened out, 47 and the hig notes came out fuller. 48 A lot of the information he gave me was the same information I've gotten from teachers for years, 49 but just the way he explained things really clicked with me.

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50 I also liked how much we got done during the lesson. 51 I was always either singing or he was instructing. 52 Anytime he heard something to fix in my voice, he'd stop and address it. 53 Like with any new teacher I was a little nervous and a little more timid than ussual, 54 but he made me feel more comfortable pretty quickly. 55 I actually liked that he was a bit younger. 56 He would say stuff like "man this page is a bitch" and "yes, diva!" and "now that's a big ass high note, honey". 57 I'm not someone who curses a lot, 58 but the just his personality and the way he treated me it felt like less of an age gap than what I feel with my other teachers. 59 It made him less intimidating. 60 After the lesson we talked a bit about colleges. 61 He told me he really thinks I should go to CCM. 62 He said that most of the big name people are coming from either CCM or Juliard. 63 Also the fact that it's surrounded by a huge arts community is important to my education. 64 He also told me who I should try to study with at CCM. 65 I was initially leaning more towards Oberlin because I had met the teachers over the summer and liked most of them 66 and I thought a going to school with no graduate students would be less intimidating. 67 I'm starting to think I should choose CCM though. 68 They seem to have a much bigger opera program, 69 it's a big name school, 70 they have top class teachers, 71 and I think it might be good to be competing with graduate students. 72 I may not get as many performance opportunities, 73 but I can learn from more advanced singers and make me raise my own personal standards. 74 I'm very glad I recorded that lesson. 75 I listened to it on the way home and later that night. 76 I think it will help me remember all the technique we worked on and help me with practicing. 77 I went to the practice room for a bit that night to work on the technique. 78 My voice was tired, 79 but it was the first time I had heard a significant difference in my sound in weeks.

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D6: Cheryl’s Journal 3.19.15

Line # Speaker Message Unit 1 Cheryl I had my lesson with Mr.Alvarez today. 2 I didn't sing as well as I was hoping. 3 I guess I shouldn't expect the technique I learned yesterday to be completely solidified yet. 4 During the warm up he gave me some exercises that work on different aspects of my technique. 5 He had exercises to work on relaxing my jaw, vowel placement, and legato. 6 I think these will be pretty useful in my practicing. 7 He wanted me to have the two new art songs he assigned me last week memorized for this lesson. 8 I did have them memorized, along with the translation, 9 but it was hard to focus on remembering the words and working on the technique at the same time, 10 and I felt bad that I kept messing up. 11 These new songs are fairly simple, 12 but they rest in a place in my voice that is uncomfortable for me to sing in. 13 It's in a shift area between my low range and my high range. 14 This is where I have the most problems with my vibrato and tone. 15 He did this on purpose though, 16 because learning these songs means I have to learn to deal with this part of my voice, instead of choosing songs where I can avoid it. 17 This is good for me, 18 but it's not exactly fun singing songs that point out my flaws. 19 He said he could hear improvement from last week though, 20 and I think a lot of that was the lesson with Max yesterday, 21 so it's good to know I've made progress. 22 I didn't feel as prepared in my piano music. 23 He wanted me to learn a short piece along with learning how to play the accompaniment part to one of the arias I'm singing. 24 I stumbled over the notes 25 and I felt bad I wasn't more prepared. 26 With piano, more so than voice, lots of repetition is require. 27 I need to be able to play a passage over and over and over before I'll have it solidified in my hands. 28 Being able to do that requires a lot of time. 29 Most days I can only get 1.5-2 hours of practicing, 30 and then I have to get back to the hostel to get dinner or because of the curfew. 31 I feel like especially in the past week or two, I don't have tons of down time. 32 Trying to balance learning new art songs, the aria, duet, and the choruses I'm singing with Cosmopolitan, knowing the translations and synopsises of the operas, piano music, RIM, writing journals, writing essays for scholarships, keeping up with emails and college stuff, and everyday kind of stuff like travel and buying groceries is hard. 33 For this week he assigned me another song to learn along with improving on the song from last week. 34 He switched out the aria with a simpler one. 35 By the end of the lesson I was kinda disappointed with myself. 36 After having such a great lesson yesterday and then messing up so much during today's lesson, I was just mad at myself 37 I was cheered up after going to a comedy show later that night. 38 The performers were two illustrators for a comedy website 39 and they have a show on the internet where viewers give them suggestions and they draw them while talking and making jokes. 40 I'm a big fan of the show 41 and it was part of the reason I started drawing again. 42 I used to draw all the time when I was a kid, 43 but during high school I've gone months without drawing. 44 I just figured I wasn't that good and I needed to focus more on music. 45 Their show reminded me of how much fun it is

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46 and in the past few months I've spent a lot more time drawing. 47 A couple months ago I wrote these guys fan mail 48 and then they promoted my art on their blog. 49 That meant a lot to me.. 50 The show was really funny 51 It was a very small venue, 52 probably only 20 other people there, 53 so it felt very interactive. 54 After the show they said they were hanging out in the bar area, 55 and I worked up the nerves to talk to them. 56 I asked for their autographs and told them how their show made me want to draw again, and how I appreciated them promoting my art. 57 I was suprised they remembered me right away. 58 They told me I had a lot of talent and to keep persuing art. 59 To hear that from them meant so much.

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D7: Cheryl’s Journal 3.24.15

Line # Speaker Message Unit 1 Cheryl After working at RIM I was invited to join Zdravko and Barbara, two of the top editors at RIM, for a lecture on Sufi rituals and music. 2 This was the first time I actually got to talk to them very much. 3 They are both very nice and funny people. 4 They asked about how my stay in New York has been 5 and I asked a couple questions about RIM. 6 The presentation itself was pretty interesting. 7 It was all about the religious significance of music in Sufi and Muslim cultures. 8 After the lecture, a Sufi ritual was performed. 9 It a very intense experience. 10 I had never heard sounds like that come out of people before. 11 The whole ritual was all about unity of Man 12 and every thing they did had some sort of symbolism. 13 Afterward, Barbara told me she wants to have me over for dinner some time soon and gave me her number and told me to call if anything ever goes wrong. 14 Afterward I went to the studio to practice. 15 I had listened to the recording of my last lesson with Max a few times 16 and I knew just what to work on. 17 I used all the techniques he gave me 18 and I could hear a significant difference in my voice. 19 It sounded big, with a clear tone and even vibrato 20 and it felt easy and tension free. 21 I ended up singing for an hour and a half. 22 That was a bad idea, 23 but I just kinda lost track of time. 24 After that I worked on piano. 25 I feel much more prepared this week for my lesson than I was last week. 26 Right before I left the practice room I got an acceptance email from oberlin. 27 This was originally my top choice 28 (at this point I'm probably going to U of Cincinnati) 29 and this means I was accepted to every school I applied to. 30 When I walked home I felt in top of the world. 31 I never would've thought I could get into all of those competative schools. 32 I was just hoping I would get into one decent school. 33 In your last email you encouraged me to reflect on how far I've come instead of focusing on the negative. 34 I figure since I'm in such a good mood tonight it would be a good time to do that. 35 The past few years I really pushed myself as a musician. 36 My freshman and sophomore years I still had terrible stage fright. 37 I had a lot wrong with my technique, 38 but I was afraid to try the new technique my teacher was giving me 39 cause I was afraid I'd mess it up and sound bad. 40 I had little confidence and was constantly critiquing myself. 41 had the attitude that my musical ability was the only good thing about me, 42 I had the attitude that my musical ability was the only good thing about me, 43 so all my self confidence rested in how well I performed. 44 I got a new teacher the end of my sophomore year. 45 She really pushed me and improved my singing greatly. 46 She made me feel more confident and got me performing more. 47 Since then, I find myself enjoying music more. 48 Through forcing myself to perform more, my stage fright has decreased greatly 49 and I actually have fun performing.

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50 I never would've thought I could get into all these great schools and peruse a performance degree. 51 Really until a few months ago, I was planning to go into music education because I didn't believe I had the talent to be a performer. 52 I've improved my musical abilities, 53 but I've also learned to have a healthier relationship with music.

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D8: Cheryl’s Journal 3.25.15

Line # Speaker Message Unit 1 Cheryl Well, the lesson didn't go as well as I hoped. 2 It started pretty good. 3 In my warm ups he could hear improvements in my tone and vibrato. 4 Then we went to my aria 5 and I struggled with the first part of the song (which is the most difficult). 6 It was a really bad idea to sing for that long last night, 7 because my voice was still tired and the high notes were hard to get out. 8 I was hoping he would help me with it, 9 point out what I needed to fix, but no. 10 He just decided to read through some new repertoire. 11 I really worked hard this week on my music 12 and tried to come in with a good attitude and an open mind, 13 but the lesson still didn't go well. 14 I feel like the majority of the lesson was just him talking about the himself and his expiriences in the opera business and trying out different new repertoire. 15 He has a lot of good insight on the opera business and interesting stories to tell, 16 but honestly I didn't pay to hear his stories. 17 I want to learn to sing. 18 It's fine that he wants to try some new repertoire, 19 but it's annoying that I learned new songs from last week 20 and he didn't listen to them 21 until I asked if he wanted to hear them. 22 Doing all these new songs I can't focus on my technique; 23 I'm just learning new songs 24 and then moving on to other new ones before I can sound good on them. 25 then he said he doesn't know if he wants me singing the aria I've been working on. 26 He said he wants me singing a song that's easier 27 because he doesn't want outsiders thinking he assigned a too difficult aria to a young singer 28 and in case I happen to get sick or something. 29 This got me really upset. 30 He heard just a few measures that day and on a day when my throat was tired. 31 He didn't really help me with it, 32 he just decided to move on to other stuff. 33 I really had made some good progress on it the past few days 34 and he didn't hear any of that. 35 Max said in my lesson "I would never assign this aria to someone your age, 36 but honey you can do it. 37 You're very advanced." 38 I put so much work into that aria 39 and I really want to keep working on it. 40 I still have almost 2 months to work on it. 41 If I keep with the progress I'm making, 42 it could sound pretty great by the performance. 43 I feel like I never sound good during lessons with mr Alvarez no matter how prepared I am. 44 I was trying to figure out why, 45 and I think he stresses me out. 46 He's constantly jumping from subject to subject, 47 throwing me off gaurd by having me try new songs, 48 telling me to memorize these new songs 49 and then never having me sing them. 50 By the time we get to singing the stuff I prepared it's the end of the lesson,

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51 my voice is tired, 52 and I'm frazzled. 53 He said I might still be able to sing the aria, 54 but he'll have to talk to Gentry and Max. 55 I'll try my best to sound really good next week 56 and I hope Max convinces him to let me sing it. 57 Right now I feel stressed, sad, frustrated, and pissed off. 58 I feel like it's my fault I'm not getting anything out of these lessons. 59 Like I just need to sing better so he'll stop throwing new songs at me 60 and I need to just be more open to his teaching style. 61 He's been teaching for a long time 62 and had a pretty good career as an opera singer 63 so he must be good, right? 64 It's so frustrating that I'm trying so hard 65 and I feel like I'm making progress 66 and then going to a lesson and not feeling like I really impressed him 67 or he notices all the work I put in. 68 I'm paying Mr.Alvarez over doble what Max charges, 69 but I've learned so much less from him. 70 I really don't know if it's my fault or if we don't mesh well or what. 71 I wish there was at least some more instruction going on 72 so I knew what to do to make him happy. 73 Now I have a pile of music he told me to try out along with continuing on everything else I had. 74 At the end of the lesson he scolded me for practicing so long and hurting my voice 75 and told me to spend more time practing piano. 76 How the hell am I supposed to do that? 77 I have so much repertoire to work on in voice 78 and I came here to study voice. 79 Piano is just a supplemental thing. 80 How am I supposed to work on my technique and learn all of these new songs? 81 Anyway, it's embarrassing to say, 82 but I was on the vurge of tears on the commute home. 83 I think I was able to cover up my frustration during the lesson for the most part 84 but by the end of it I was more upset than I thought I would be. 85 The other lessons with him had gone similarly, 86 but I think the difference was the weeks of those other lessons, 87 I knew I could've practiced more and worked harder. 88 This week I had devoted myself to practicing 89 and I felt so good about the progress I made. 90 It's not like I can really talk about this with Max or Gentry, 91 since they work with him 92 and he would probably adventually hear about it 93 and that would be really awkward. 94 I called my mom when I got home and told her how I was feeling. 95 She was pretty sympathetic, 96 saying that there's just some teachers we won't connect well with. 97 She said that it's good I'm getting a lot from Max 98 and I'll just have to think of lessons with Mr.Alvarez as performance opportunities. 99 It really needed to vent to someone. 100 By the end if the call I was laughing about it, 101 saying " He keeps telling me I need to find a sane teacher for college, 102 but he's the most insane teacher I've ever had!" 103 He honestly is driving me kinda crazy. 104 I feel like I'm overreacting. 105 I haven't felt so angry and frustrated in a long time. 106 I don't even really know where this anger is directed though.

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107 I don't want to be mad at Mr.Alvarez. 108 He's such a nice guy 109 and I do enjoy listening to him tell his stories. 110 I guess I disagree with the way he's been running my lessons. 111 I'm pretty mad at myself for hurting my voice and not sing the aria better. 112 If I had just sung it as well as I had during my lesson with Max, 113 then maybe he would've been impressed. 114 I bought tickets for the orchestra earlier this week 115 and I thought the concert was tonight. 116 I skipped dinner 117 and took the subway over to Lincoln Center. 118 The tickets I bought were for tomorrow night. 119 So I had to take the subway back home. 120 I almost thought if walking the 40 blocks back to the hostel to save money and as punishment for being such an idiot, 121 but I knew I had journals to write and other things to get done. 122 I'm sorry this journal is such a mess. 123 My mind is kinda mess right now, 124 so I guess it matches what I'm feeling. 125 ------126 I'm writing this the next morning. 127 I feel less angry 128 and now just kinda disapointed in myself. 129 I was stupid to sing for so long the night before a lesson. 130 I just feel like I haven't impressed Mr.Alvarez in my lessons. 131 I really want him to like me as a student 132 and I want to learn from him. 133 This week I'll just have to keep working hard. 134 I'll learn all the new repertoire to the best of my ability 135 and try to make my aria sound as good as I can 136 and maybe he'll let me sing it. 137 I need to be smarter about my practicing. 138 I need to not over work my voice 139 and use the time I have wisely. 140 Expectations vs Reality: 141 Before I left for New York I knew it would be an expirience that would push me as a musician and a person. 142 So far it has, 143 but in different ways than I was expecting. I was so looking forward to living by myself. 144 I really wanted to be more independent. 145 I had never felt homesick before 146 and figured I would be fine living by myself. 147 There are some things I really like about living by myself. 148 I can plan out my schedule 149 and do what I want with out having to worry about how it'll affect others. 150 I don't have to deal with my mom nagging me about practicing and homework; 151 I'm nagging myself. 152 It's good knowing I can get stuff done with out reminders from my mom. 153 I feel like I'm being treated like an adult for the first time at my internship, during lessons, and the people living in the hostel. 154 There are a lot of things I miss about home though. 155 I miss talking to family and friends everyday. 156 It's kinda isolating knowing I'm hundreds of miles away from anyone who really knows me well. 157 I had fun exploring New York the first week, 158 but it's not a lot if fun doing stuff by myself.

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159 I wish I had friends and family to do things with. 160 I knew New York would be expensive, 161 but because I'm the one buying everything (well, with my parent's money) 162 I'm constantly aware of how expensive it is. 163 I've never had to make financial decisions on a day to day basis like I do now. 164 I can't eat, 165 ride the subway, 166 buy concert tickets 167 or go to museums without thinking about the cost. 168 I'm suprised how much I've been able to focus on music. 169 Practicing, rehearsals, and improving my singing is my top priority. 170 I thought the city would distract me, 171 but after the the first week I found I stopped doing as many touristy things. 172 I've never been able to make singing my top priority, 173 so seeing how much progress I'm making is satisfying. 174 I'm less distracted when I'm practicing 175 and I've been recording my lessons and listening to them every day. 176 I'm also taking two lessons a week, 177 studying piano, 178 and going to a lot of concerts. 179 I think focusing this much on music will help me prepare for next four to eight years of music school, 180 wheee I'll be putting all my energy towards improving as a musician. 181 I've been more stressed than I was expecting. 182 I have to balance practicing, my RIM internship, rehearsals, lessons, writing journals and papers for scholarships. 183 I'm doing things all around the city, 184 so I also have to take into account travel time. 185 I have less free time than I thought I would, 186 and onthe days I do have free time, 187 I'm often tired and not in the mood to explore the city. 188 I'm also emotionally exaughsted. 189 Singing is such an important part of me, 190 so when I'm not happy with how a lesson or a practice session went, 191 it affects me a lot more than if I was struggling with school, for example. 192 I am also without my ussual support system. 193 Back at home, when a lesson or a performance didn't go well, 194 I could talk about it to my mom, siblings, and friends. 195 Now I go home to a room by myself, 196 where the negative thoughts just swirl around in my head. 197 I sometimes call home, 198 but once I hang up the phone I just feel alone again. 199 In a way, I'm glad this walkabout is challenging me. 200 It's forcing me to learn how to deal with this stress, frustration, loneliness, and responsibility on my own. 201 I will probably feel some of these feelings again when I start music school, 202 so hopefully I will learn from this expirience 203 and be able to deal with these emotions.

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D9: Mike’s Feedback 3.31.15

Line Speaker Message Unit # 1 Mike Cheryl: 2 Don't worry about the journals and the "mess", 3 it isn't as bad as you think. 4 As a matter of fact it is very rich in depth and detail. 5 I have rewritten this journal response twice. 6 I don't think I am able to convey exactly what I want you to hear. 7 It would be easier to talk to you about these journals 8 because they are so powerful. 9 Yet I am left to talk to you through the text. 10 I hope I am able to be as a clear as I am in my head when I write this...again. 11 "In a way, I'm glad this walkabout is challenging me. 12 It's forcing me to learn how to deal with this stress, frustration, loneliness, and responsibility on my own." 13 "Now that it's been almost a month since the start of this walkabout, 14 I have some more specific goals. 15 I want to improve the way I'm practicing. 16 I need to go into the practice room knowing exactly what I'm going to work on and to not push my voice too much. 17 I also need to get better at managing stress. 18 I can't let myself get too upset bout a lesson or practicing, 19 because it's counter productive. 20 Being overly self critical just makes me lose confidence and distracts me from actually improving. 21 I need to keep a more positive attitude and remember to have fun with music. 22 It's good that I feel the drive to improve, 23 but I can still be happy with where I'm at and the progress I've made." 24 As for the content, there are a few things that strike me about the writing. 25 The first thing that comes to mind as I read is that this journal is loaded with the question of "confidence". 26 Are you going to have the confidence you need when you need it? 27 Will you be able to find the confidence you need when you seek it? 28 The measure of confidence in one's mind comes with the facts one can find to rely on as evidence. 29 All of your journal seems to be laced with looking for the confidence you need when you need to use it. 30 But what is confidence? 31 Is it the belief in one's ability to do, or the belief in one's ability that they "could" do it? 32 When we believe we can do it and have done it before, I don't think we are really talking about confidence. 33 In that vain we are talking about historical evidence... "been there done that" modality. 34 However, when we are talking about grasping for something that we have never reached for before..."the leap of faith"..."the jumping into the deep end"...this is where confidence lives. 35 The ability to believe in your strengths and talents that exist within you to pull you through the unknown and the unfamiliar. 36 I think your growth as walkabout student has been unbelievable. 37 You should really look back at how far you've come to see the progress you've made. 38 You're not the same young woman that left the classroom months ago. 39 The challenges you've encountered and the poise with which you have conducted yourself says a great deal about who you've become. 40 In a similar vain, as I read your journal, I feel as though I can hear the frustration resonate within you concerning where you want to be, the desire to be at a certain place but not yet arriving there. 41 All of these feelings are totally normal for everyone. 42 How you handle them and learn from them will tell you more about yourself than you thought possible. 43 Reading your journals, I hear you wishing you had rolled your eyes at the idiot with the slick black hair at Starbucks, point your middle finger toward a vertical position and shove it at the skyward. 44 Having to deal with "six men" accosting you on the streets by ignoring it must be so difficult.

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45 Learning the best way to deal with these things so that you are safe and that it doesn't tear down your self- esteem is essential. 46 Who is your teacher in New York that is going to help you navigate the ins and outs? 47 It seems that you have vocal instructors and professional instructors at RIM, 48 but now you need someone to help you with being a "New Yorker". 49 You seem to be still kind of stuck in the "extended tourist" place. 50 Can you talk to Barbara and Zdravko about this? 51 How do they handle the streets? 52 Using people as resources to help you handle the day to day will help free your mind up for other things like vocal lessons. 53 The less of the mundane we have to worry about the more our minds are free for the things that are important to us. 54 This leads me to your busy schedule. 55 Sorry, it will not slow down. 56 I fear that it will only get more intense as you grow older. 57 Managing the stress is essential for us all. 58 I am no shining star in that matter. 59 Stress gets the better of me and I feel that I am constantly seeking balance. 60 But that is why they call it "managing stress". 61 Those with stress free lives are an entity that are foreign to me. 62 I am sure that they exist, 63 but they don't run in the same circles I do. 64 So learning how to manage your stress...it is key. 65 Lastly, confidence in your vocal music lesson. 66 Your frustration is so high, 67 but it is because you believe in yourself. 68 You believe in the skills that you've mastered and the skills that you are in the process of perfecting. 69 You have the confidence to perform. 70 You may not have had that originally when you started out 4 years ago, 71 but who would really? 72 After four years, and countless teachers you have proven to yourself that you have the capacity to take a raw talent and refine it through dedicating yourself and persevering through the difficult times. 73 You are at a point that you don't want to take a step back. 74 Mr. Alvarez may not want you to sing the aria. 75 You want to prove that you can do it. 76 To yourself and to this teacher. 77 What are you going to do? 78 You wouldn't let Chase or Mike talk you down from doing something that your are passionate about, 79 why this guy? 80 Because he has been in an opera? 81 What? 82 Is he the only dude out there to ever perform on stage in an opera? 83 Is that what makes him so impressive, 84 that you can't say, "Wait...I admit, I over worked my voice this week, 85 but I have worked at it, 86 now sit and listen and tell me what I need to do." 87 Is this type of confidence in yourself the same confidence you need to have to tell the 55 year old delusional dude on the street to get lost? 88 I don't know. 89 Only you know. 90 I guess if you had to choose between two regrets which one would you want? 91 The one where you tell Mr. Alvarez what you are thinking and risk annoying your teacher for a moment, 92 or NOT telling him what you need and risk going back to the hostel annoyed beyond belief. 93 Everyone has different levels of tolerance, 94 but from where I sit, it starting to sound that you are not comfortable sitting back and letting all your effort not be put to some use.

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95 As far as overworking your voice. 96 You are no different than a marathoner. 97 If you go out there and do to many miles, you are going to hurt yourself 98 and then you will never be able to compete. 99 " I want to improve the way I'm practicing. 100 I need to go into the practice room knowing exactly what I'm going to work on and to not push my voice too much." 101 As cliche as is sounds, it seems that you have figured out the lesson of "practice smarter not harder." 102 I hope that this response helps and doesn't hurt. 103 I attempted for clarity, 104 but you should know my limitations after 4 years. 105 You picked me to read your journals! 106 Buyer beware. 107 Have a better week.

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D10: Cheryl’s Journal 4.4.15

Line Speaker Message Unit # 1 Cheryl I'm back in [Major Midwestern City] for the weekend, 2 so I scheduled a lesson with my voice teacher, Elaine. 3 It's been at least six weeks since I last saw her, 4 so it was nice seeing her again. 5 She has been emailing back and forth with Gentry and Mr.Alvarez and is very glad I got this opportunity. 6 She said she hears huge improvement in my voice. 7 I kinda realized how much my voice has changed during the lesson. 8 Comparing how I sounded during that lesson to the last lesson I had with her, my voice is just way bigger and more adult sounding. 9 I'm also noticing how I'm changing as a student. 10 I'm less shy, more willing to try new things, and less concerned about messing up. 11 Elaine helped me with some if the things I was still struggling with in my aria. 12 I realized she was giving me pretty much the same advice that Max had given me, 13 but the way she worded it helped me understand it better. 14 She told me that some of the problems I'm experiencing come from the fact that my voice has grown so much. 15 It's like having a new instrument. 16 At the end of the lesson she told me that she always knew I would get into all the schools I applied to and that she's so happy with the progress I've made. 17 Max and Mr.Alvarez have only heard my progress over the past month, 18 but hearing this from someone I've been working with for a long time is reassuring. 19 Elaine has seen me grown from this quiet little singer with severe stage fright to a much more confident singer with a big sound who is going to one of the top vocal schools in the country next year. 20 She played such a huge part in that change 21 and I'm so glad I got to work with her. 22 Mike, thank you for taking the time to write such great responses to my journals. 23 Particularly the last response was exactly what I needed to hear and gave me a lot to think about. 24 I had never really thought of the actual meaning of confidence. 25 I reflected on the idea of taking risks 26 and I realized the times when I took risks where when I grew the most. 27 Everything from performances, to talking to someone for the first time, to singing a challenging song, to teaching a class, to moving to New York. 28 Even when I took risks that ended up with a horrible outcomes, I still learned from those experiences 29 and that is so much better than the regret of not trying. 30 As far as lessons with Mr.Alvarez go: I'm starting to realize that in the music world there's going to be some crazy people and people I disagree with, 31 but I'm going to have to learn how to work with them. 32 I don't particularly like Mr.Alvarez's teaching style, 33 but I'm only working with him temporarily. 34 My lesson this week went better 35 because I went in with a more positive attitude. 36 I also did my best to steer the lesson in the direction I wanted to go. 37 I would point out things I was having trouble with and wanted help with. 38 I would remind him of the songs he assigned me 39 so he wouldn't have me sight read new songs. 40 I suggested the song that would be my back-up aria if I don't end up singing the difficult one. 41 I think I took things too personally in some of my previous lessons. 42 It's okay for me to be annoyed,

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43 but nothing Mr.Alvarez has said to me was meant as an attack or insult. 44 I would not want to study with him long term, 45 but for now I will just have to make the best of the situation. 46 Coming home has gotten me thinking about how much I've grown in this past month and through my whole walkabout. 47 I've challenged myself so much, living on my own in an unfamiliar city, adapting to new people, managing my stress, and facing loneliness and frustration. 48 I haven't always been happy, 49 but I've made it through. 50 I've learned that I can handle this stress 51 and I'm stronger than I thought. 52 I feel ready to meet the challenges of the rest of my walkabout and the next part of my life.

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D11: Cheryl’s Journal 4.14.15

Line Speaker Message Unit # 1 Cheryl I read through my previous journals from this walkabout. 2 Though it feels like I haven't been here that long, 3 after reading those first few journals 4 it kinda hit me now much has changed. 5 I started this walkabout excited to live in this city by myself 6 and hoped I would make some progress musically. 7 Now the most exciting part of this walkabout is my musical progress 8 and I try to find time to enjoy the city. 9 My priorities have shifted 10 and I've made way more progress than I thought I would. 11 I had forgotten that the first couple lessons with Mr.Alvarez were actually pretty good. 12 He worked a lot with my technique and my repertoire. 13 The journal of the third lesson was when things started to change. 14 I went from blaming myself, 15 to being mad at him, 16 to now just being annoyed 17 and trying to just accept the situation. 18 The way I deal with being alone has changed too. 19 I went from being afraid of leaving home, 20 to loving the feeling of independence and "adulthood", 21 to feeling lonely, homesick, and not knowing how to deal with my emotions without the support of others, 22 to now not really feeling alone. 23 When I was trying to rest my voice a few days ago, 24 I realized that I easily went a whole day only saying "bagel with cream cheese, please" and "debit". 25 I don't think I texted or emailed that day either. 26 I didn't feel lonely, though. 27 I was able to clear my mind, 28 reflect, and work out some of the frustration and self doubt I was feeling. 29 That's not to say I don't need the support of my family and friends, 30 but I'm learning to work things out in my head. 31 I don't have those dumb self-pitying thoughts of 32 “they're not your real friends", 33 "nobody really loves you; 34 who would ever love a person like you?" 35 and "you're going to die sad and alone". 36 God, I just cringe thinking about all the time I wasted dwelling on these self destructive, dillusional thoughts. 37 I no longer doubt the support of the people in my life, 38 and I know as I move on to other stages in my life, 39 I will continue to meet new people 40 and make new connections. 41 I noticed that I wrote most of my best journals on my bad days. 42 Forcing myself to write about my feelings has been pretty good for me. 43 Usually I would just try to shove all of those negative feelings under the carpet and hope they go away. 44 Taking the time to think out why I'm feeling the way I do puts things in perspective 45 and helps me figure out what I need to do to remedy my problem, 46 or I realize these feelings are illogical and get over it. 47 Seeing how much trouble I have keeping up with journals as is, 48 I doubt I'll continue keeping a journal after walkabout, 49 but I can at least learn to take time to think and reflect.

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50 I haven't really been good about reading the journal prompts Leslie gave us, 51 but it seems I end up writing about similar topics anyway. 52 Though most of my journals wouldn't be college comp approved, 53 I do think I'm getting better at writing them. 54 I'm more focused on what's going on in my head than the boring day to day stuff. 55 The main thing I need to work on with journals is not putting them off. 56 This week I'm trying to remedy that by making sure I get up and ready earlier in the morning 57 so I have time to write. 58 I'm always too tired to get much done at the end of the day. 59 Some days I find I'm putting off writing 60 because I'm getting tired of writing and thinking about myself. 61 I'm tired of constantly reflecting on how I'm feeling and the progress I'm making. 62 Particularly with this walkabout, I don't work with anyone directly at RIM 63 and with singing I'm just focused on my own progress. 64 It's a very self centered experience, 65 and when I get home I findI'm not in the mood to be analyzing myself. 66 I'd rather distract myself on the internet 67 or spend time outside.

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D12: Cheryl’s Journal 4.16.15

Line Speaker Message Unit # 1 Cheryl I really didn't want to have a lesson with Mr.Alvarez today. 2 I didn't get a lot of sleep last night 3 and I just didn't want to think about singing. 4 The lesson wasn't actually that bad though. 5 I didn't sing my best, 6 but for once Mr.Alvarez pointed out what I need to do to improve. 7 He said my main problem is I tense up 8 and am thinking too much. 9 He said he expirienced this when he was my age, too. 10 He said a lot of my problems come from caring too much. 11 It makes me practice too long, 12 think too much, 13 tense up, and stressed. 14 He said its fine to go on auto pilot when I'm singing, particularly for performances. 15 It will help me loosen up which will improve my technique 16 and I'll have more fun too. 17 It seems that the main thing in my way is myself. 18 Max said in one of my lessons that "your voice works, 19 you just have to get out of it's way". 20 It's good to know that I'm in control of how much progress I can make, 21 but at the same time it's scary. 22 My success is dependant on keeping a healthy mindset 23 and I'll only have myself to blame when I fail. 24 Sometimes it seems that I have little control over my mental well being. 25 Some days I wake up and that negative voice in me just won't shut up. 26 I guess this is just a struggle I'm going to have to learn to deal with. 27 In the same way I need to be patient with my vocal progress, 28 I need to be patient with my mental progress. 29 I'm still better off in my mental well being than I was a few years ago, 30 and I will continue to grow. 31 I just remembered that response to my first week of journals you wrote. 32 "Be patient with yourself. 33 As in all transformations, in reality, take some time to happen 34 and are never as quick as Clark Kent changing into Superman. 35 Give yourself some freedom, 36 room to grow, 37 and forgiveness when you don't grow as fast as you desire... 38 Learn and grow. 39 Learn and grow. 40 Eventually you will have to harvest." 41 I don't know how much I listened to this the first time I read it, 42 but I now see how much it applies to my current problems. 43 I really need to be more patient with myself. 44 Walkabout Stages: 45 With my RIM internship, I feel like I'm pretty much at the competence stage. 46 I thoroughly understand how to do the job they gave me 47 and I rarely have to ask questions. 48 At the same time, my job, indexing, is pretty basic 49 and they can't really give me many other types of jobs 50 because I don't have enough language skills to work on translations

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51 and I don't have enough education to be reading the scholarly articles and writing abstracts. 52 At Salisbury, there was always a new task I could learn 53 and I didn't need a degree to understand it. 54 With Cosmopolitan Youth Opera and my overall musical progress, I feel I'm at the confrontation stage. 55 I'm finding problems with my technique and with my attitude and personality 56 and trying to fix them. 57 I don't think I can really reach a competence stage with this. 58 There will always be things I can improve about my singing and my attitude. 59 I just want to keep improving. 60 With living away from home, there's some things I really love about NYC and living by myself 61 and some things I still miss about home. 62 I like feeling independant from my parents, 63 making my own decisions, 64 and being responsible for myself. 65 New York is a good city to have this first expirience of independence. 66 It's very easy to get around the city, 67 everything I need is within walking distance of the hostel, 68 and there's always something to do. 69 If I was living by myself in [Major Midwestern City], 70 I'd have to worry about driving everywhere 71 and there's less to do, 72 so I probably wouldn't go out as much. 73 I'm lucky that I get to have this expirience and not worry too much about money. 74 It's kind of a baby step towards actually moving out. 75 The city is really growing on me. 76 I'm going to be pretty sad to leave. 77 I'm hoping someday I can afford to live here again.

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D13: Cheryl’s Submission to Class Walkabout Book 5.15.15

Line Message Unit # 1 During my time in New York City, I borrowed my voice teacher's studio to practice singing and piano. 2 His studio was part of a larger studio, 3 so there were always other students and teachers in the hallway and in the rooms next door. 4 I felt pretty self conscious hearing the other singers and knowing they could hear me. 5 One night, just a few days after arriving in New York, I heard some people snickering in the hallway 6 "God, listen to her vibrato." 7 I wasn't sure if they were talking about me, 8 so I tried to just ignore them. 9 A few weeks later when I was practicing piano, someone in the hallway started singing along in a mocking tone. 10 When I stopped playing they said "What are you? Eight years old?" and laughed. 11 These words stung, 12 but my biggest critic was not these jerks in the hallway, nor my teachers, nor my peers, but myself. 13 I love singing. 14 When I sing is when I feel most connected to music. 15 It makes me feel powerful, beautiful, expressive, 16 but most importantly, it makes me feel. 17 I've dedicated myself to singing and have always felt a great desire to improve. 18 It's my passion and a large part of my identity. 19 As a result, I can become extremely critical of myself when I feel unsatisfied with my musical progress. 20 During my time in New York, I struggled with this extreme self criticism. 21 Several factors caused this. 22 I had just finished my college music auditions. 23 I felt satisfied with my performance at most of these auditions, 24 but they got me thinking about next year. 25 The thought of going from being one of the better singers at my high school to being a freshman at a music conservatory, surrounded by older, more advanced singers, terrified me. 26 In New York, I was also constantly comparing myself to other singers: 27 The ones I heard in the practice rooms next to me, 28 the other students at Cosmopolitan Youth Opera, 29 the students I heard at my auditions and college visits, 30 and the singers I heard in recordings and at the opera. 31 I was so concerned about sounding different or inferior to other singers. 32 Feeling alone only intensified these insecurities. 33 I lived by myself and knew almost no one in the city. 34 I didn't have many people to talk to, 35 so I spent a lot of time in my head, allowing the negative thoughts to dominate my mind. 36 In the past, I just accepted this negative part of me. 37 I figured it was better to be humble and have low expectations than have a big ego and face disappointment. 38 I thought of my lack of satisfaction with my singing as good motivation. 39 In some ways it was, 40 but during walkabout I realized the harm of extreme self criticism. 41 It made me insecure, unfocused, tense, unhappy 42 and consequently, I sang worse. 43 I realized how counterproductive this negativity was. 44 I knew that if I wanted to keep improving I would have to change. 45 That was easier said than done. 46 I couldn't just hit the mute button on this inner critic, 47 but I took steps to at least turn down the volume. 48 I realized I didn't have to fight this battle by myself. 49 One week when I was feeling particularly down, my vocal coach asked me what was wrong.

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50 I didn't even have to say anything; 51 He could tell by how I was singing that something was up. 52 It was good to have someone to vent my insecurities to, particularly a singer who could understand what I was going through. 53 He was able to give me advice, 54 but also instilled me with confidence by telling me that I had no reason to feel so insecure, 55 that I was ahead of the game, and had great potential as a singer. 56 I also pushed myself to make friends at the hostel I lived in and at Cosmopolitan Youth Opera and not spend too much time by myself in my room. 57 The first few weeks I felt ashamed to call home; 58 I wanted to prove to myself that I could survive on my own, 59 but every now and then it was good to talk things out with my mom and catch up with the family. 60 By spending less time alone, I was less focused on myself and therefore less self-critical. 61 Through journaling, I was forced to reflect on my experiences and feelings. 62 Normally, I would've just tried to push all my insecurities and frustration under the rug, pretending they didn't exist. 63 Through journaling I admitted to myself how I felt, reflected on why I felt that way, and sometimes realized the flaws in my mentality. 64 The responses I received from Mike, the teacher reading my journals, were also very helpful. 65 It was good to hear an outside perspective on my situation 66 and he gave me great insight, advice, and words of encouragement. 67 A commonality in advice that I received from my vocal coach and Mike was patience. 68 Since the start of this walkabout, many of my journals centered around what I wanted to change about myself. 69 In his responses, Mike reminded me that I can't change overnight and to appreciate how far I've come. 70 During my lessons, my vocal coach reminded me that the voice is a muscle and has to be trained 71 and that I'm a young singer and have a long time to keep improving and let my voice develop. 72 I realized that I have to find a balance between wanting to improve and appreciating the progress I've already made. 73 I also tried to focus on all the great things about this walkabout. 74 I loved being treated like an adult, the feeling of independence, and living in such an exciting city. 75 I made great friends at the hostel and at Cosmopolitan. 76 Most importantly, I learned so much. 77 Through the program I learned a lot about opera and gained experience. 78 My lessons with my vocal coach were amazing; 79 I learned something new every lesson 80 and my vocal technique improved dramatically. 81 I pushed myself to become a better student by being thoroughly prepared, truly listening to and thinking about my teacher's instruction, being willing to try new things, and asking more questions. 82 I was exposed to so much great music through going to the Metropolitan Opera and other concerts. 83 I could truly devote myself to music, 84 and I loved it. 85 I felt more confident in my decision to a pursue a degree and career in music. 86 Over the course of a few weeks, I learned to treat myself with a little more respect. 87 I realized the importance of reaching out for support, reflecting on my insecurities and frustration rather than pushing them down, patience, and a positive attitude. 88 My inner critic isn't gone forever, 89 and it never will be; 90 It is something I will have to deal with throughout my musical career. 91 I am thankful for having to face this problem, 92 because I now know how crucial it is for both my progress as a musician and for my mental well being to not let extreme self-criticism take over. 93 It won't always be easy, 94 but it's worth it to continue my pursuit of music.

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D14: Cheryl’s Symposium Presentation 5.22.15

Line # Speaker Message Unit 1 Cheryl Okay so I’ll start by talking about my time at Salisbury, 2 um (2) Salisbury Urban Farms is a small organic urban farm in a based in Chandlerville, 3 and I mostly worked with um (0.5) Jerry Salisbury and (1), 4 Raquel’s picture was there, 5 I don’t know what happened to it, 6 but um Raquel Tanke and Jerry Salisbury. 7 Um (1.5) so the reason why I decided to pursue this walkabout was um, 8 I’ve always had an interest in agriculture, 9 and farming, 10 and just food, 11 and always thought it was interesting, 12 and um I worked on a farm when I was a kid, 13 on my Uncle’s farm, 14 and I thought that was a lot of fun, 15 so I thought that would be cool to do again. 16 And I took Farm To Table class here um first semester, 17 I don’t know if any of you were in that but um, 18 and that just like really re-sparked my interest in um agriculture and food systems, 19 and made me more passionate about it. 20 Um so their mission statement pretty well sums up uh what they do um, 21 “Our mission is to grow organic nutrient-rich foods year-round in sustainable urban spaces and expand awareness of traditional foodways,” 22 that’s a mouthful, 23 but um (1) and their main crops they grow are micro greens um mushrooms and seedlings and various fruits and vegetables, 24 um for those of you who don’t know micro greens are just kind of baby versions of plants that they grow over . 25 Um and that’s pretty much most of what I worked with uh when I was with them. 26 I was there in January and February, 27 which (1) unfortunately was very slow time of year, 28 um because there’s nothing growing outside. 29 So I was mostly in their greenhouse working with their microgreens, 30 and uh running various errands for them, 31 and a helping out at farmer’s market on um Saturdays. 32 Uh so what I liked about this walkabout, 33 um the main thing I really liked was uh having discussions with Jerry and Raquel, 34 um they were just like super nice and a knew a whole lot about agriculture and the food systems, 35 and um I-they just thought it was really cool that I was interested in that so they always included me in conversations and didn’t like baby me which I liked a lot. 36 Um (1) and so through that I learned a lot more about agriculture and food, 37 and um I really enjoyed seeing like the whole process of-, 38 from seed to selling it at market, 39 um and I got to be involved in that the whole way through, 40 so I liked that a lot. 41 And um I also liked the manual labor aspect of it, 42 um that’s not something I do a lot of, 43 and so it’s a cool change of pace from school life. 44 Um (3) so the main things I learned was seeing the perspective of a small farmer slash business owner, 45 just seeing all the sacrifices they have to make like, 46 um (1) financially and just time and energy, 47 and um (1) for something that they really care about,

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48 which is like providing food for a community, 49 um in a good way. 50 And uh that was good for me to see, 51 because I’m going into a-I plan to go into music, 52 which is a field that I’m going to have to make a lot of sacrifices for, 53 which is what I learned about in my second walkabout, 54 and so it was good for me to see other people doing that. 55 So my second walkabout I spent in New York City, 56 with Cosmopolitan Youth Opera and RIM. 57 So yeah uh (3) RIM is a music database that stands for Repository of International Music. 58 Um and it’s pretty much a database that has a bunch of a scholarly articles about classical music, 59 and it’s used by a lot of universities and um (1) libraries and such, 60 and um pretty much-and I worked in their building there at the city university graduate center, 61 which is right across the street from the Empire State Building, 62 so that was cool. 63 Um so um most of what I did there though was um working at a computer doing data entry, 64 and a I didn’t really talk to people much, 65 I was pretty much in a little cubicle in the corner of the office, 66 and I learned that uh that’s not my ideal type of job, 67 um I got very tired of just sitting cooped up in that little room when I knew the whole city was outside. 68 And um-but it was good for me to see the academic side of music uh while I was pursuing the performance side, 69 and um I knew that I had the boring intern job, 70 and I saw like other people had very interesting jobs, 71 so I’m not going to completely knock it, 72 but (1) yeah (0.5) it was good for me to see. 73 But um (0.5) I’d like to focus on my time with a Cosmopolitan Youth Opera. 74 Um this is an opera education program for young singers, 75 um I think it was fifteen to like twenty-two, 76 and um pretty much they provided dramatic and uh musical training uh to us, 77 as we prepared uh opera arias scenes and uh choruses. 78 And uh (0.5) we have one four hour rehearsal every week, 79 along with four performances at the end. 80 Um and in addition to that, 81 I was taking two voice lessons per week along with um, 82 along with a piano lesson every week, 83 and I was usually spending at least two hours practicing every day, 84 um (1) and I was also had to independently study at home, 85 preparing the music, 86 um learning the words, 87 memorizing, 88 all that kind of stuff. 89 Um yeah (4) um I really loved New York, 90 but um it wasn’t always the easiest experience for me. 91 Um I had to learn to deal with a lot of stress um, 92 as far as time management, 93 like knowing um how much time to spend on various aspects of what I was working on, 94 um because I had a lot of new literature-or song literature to learn-along with balancing RIM stuff, 95 journals, 96 and just um then like getting around the city, 97 to um-like it took me a good few weeks before I really understood the subway system, 98 and how to get around, 99 and had to take that into account when I had to get places. 100 Um (1) but probably one of the more challenging things, 101 was uh (0.5) dealing with my self-esteem when I was there.

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102 Um new York is just kind of an intimidating place to begin with, 103 and it’s like-as far as classical music goes-it’s like the center (0.5) in America, 104 so it was just scary going there in the first place, 105 um and (0.5) it was scary having all new teachers and peers and just really wanting to make a good impression on them, 106 um (1) and uh just um the studio where I practiced, 107 um it was surrounded by other studios so there was always other singers I could hear, 108 and usually amazing opera singers and Broadway singers, 109 and then (0.5) there was always teachers, 110 and uh like parents of students, 111 and just people outside in the hallway talking all the time, 112 and they would sometimes make not so nice comments about me and other people, 113 and that was really hard to deal with when I was practicing, 114 just knowing that other people were constantly listening, 115 and judging, 116 and being dumb. 117 Um but honestly the biggest critic uh (1) of myself, 118 when I was in New York, 119 was me. 120 Um it-I was-I’m I’m very passionate about singing and music, 121 and it’s like very much a part of my identity at this point, 122 and um-so I-it was hard to like-if I was frustrated with my progress I would take it out on myself a lot, 123 and um it was uh something I really had to learn to get over because it really affected the way I sang, 124 um when I didn’t um do that, 125 when I was too critical of myself, 126 um so uh yeah, 127 it it just made me feel unconfident, 128 and uh maybe not sing as well usually, 129 um and all these stresses, 130 were um just made worse by the fact of feeling alone, 131 um especially the first few weeks like I knew nobody in town, 132 and um the place I stayed-uh where I was living-nobody spoke English, 133 and um which just kind of rough having to learn to deal with these emotions by myself. 134 Um (0.5) but um (1) overall I really loved my experience in New York, 135 um it-there-though it was hard um to live by myself, 136 I learned to really love the independence, 137 um I liked being treated like an adult, 138 and it was good to know I could take care of myself, 139 and now that I’m back home I realize how much I look-miss living by myself, 140 um it was good to know I was responsible enough to do that. 141 Um I really loved living in the city, 142 it’s just always exciting, 143 and especially for classical music I could go to the Metropolitan opera every week, 144 and like hear so much good music and be exposed to it. 145 Um I also made a lot of really close friends while I was there, 146 it was great to meet people my age who were interested in opera, 147 and classical music, 148 and we could really connect that way. 149 And um I had like some of the most amazing teachers I’d ever had, 150 um they really (1) like transformed my voice, 151 and they were-even though I was only working with them for a few-for a short time, 152 it seemed like they really cared about me, 153 and uh just encouraged me to keep pursuing music which meant a whole lot. 154 Um and probably one of the best things about New York was, 155 I was able to um completely devote myself to music,

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156 um it was just-I had no other classes to worry about, 157 so everything was focused towards improving myself musically, 158 and so I made a ton of progress. 159 Um so as I said, 160 I felt like I was able to become more responsible, 161 and take care of myself, 162 um I feel more prepared for next year because of that. 163 Um I made a ton of musical progress, 164 my voice has just improved a whole lot, 165 and I’ve learned a lot about opera. 166 Um I’ve become a better student, 167 um I’ve realized that I need to-um having new teachers, 168 like I just really tried to force myself to be willing to do what they were telling me to do, 169 instead of being scared to try new things, 170 and (0.5) I was just able to really devote myself to studying, and um prepare me for for next year. 171 Um I also learned I have to be more patient with myself, 172 um as I said I would get frustrated with uh my progress, 173 um, 174 and so I had to learn to take things slow, 175 and that would usually turn out better. 176 Um so with that I’d like to show a little clip of my final performance I had in New York. 177 ((shows clip of her singing)) 178 So uh are there any questions? 179 Yep? 180 Student First of all that was so beautiful, oh my God, um and also how did you like discover Salisbury? 181 Cheryl Um there was-it was actually like a couple days before the first day of walkabout. 182 I ran into a Lincoln grad, 183 Kacee Madsen, 184 and um she worked at Salisbury, 185 or she worked with Raquel , 186 and um I told her (1) I was originally going to be working at the WaverlyInn, 187 and she had a bad experience there for-during her walkabout, 188 so she set me up with this other person, 189 and (0.5) it was a life saver, 190 so yeah I was glad that happened. 191 Marilyn I have a question, 192 who did you stay with in New York, 193 was it a family or was it just students, 194 or? 195 Cheryl Um, 196 it was at a hostel run by a bunch of nuns 197 Marilyn Ahhh I got cha 198 Cheryl Yeah it was interesting ((laughs)) 199 Marilyn ((laughs)) That’s neat

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Appendix E

Instructional Chain for Walkabout 2015 (Detailed)

January 7, 2015 • Walkabout meeting at Leslie’s house • Do’s and Don’ts for WAB placements • Questions about Seminar and journals

January 7, 2015 • Walkabout Kickoff

January 16, 2015 (Friday) • Free write: How was your first week of Walkabout? • Questions: Attendance and hours • Students take turns sharing out orally about their first week • Significant insights from students o Mallory, Shelby, Greg, Adin, Cass, Susan, Holly (group element) • Setting goals • Writer’s workshop o Is there a right way to give a hug? o “Shitty First Drafts by Lamott o “Giving Movies of Your Mind” by Elbow (1973) o Pointing, summarizing, and telling • A.G. lost in customs

January 20, 2015 (Tuesday) • Students take turns sharing out orally about their first week • Significant insights from students o Renae I.: old man slipping on ice; heartbroken at Dress for Success • Setting goals • Free write: How was your first week of Walkabout? • Writer’s workshop o Is there a right way to give a hug? o “Shitty First Drafts by Lamott o “Giving Movies of Your Mind” by Elbow (1973) o Pointing, summarizing, and telling o Discussion of College Comp’s 10 Rules versus Authentic Writing

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January 23, 2015 (Friday) • Review of history of your placement journal • “Stages of an Internship” o Anticipation o Disillusionment § Expectations discussion o Confrontation: lots of student reaction o Competence o Culmination • Writer’s Workshop o Journaling discussion *** (good transcript for group discussion) o Over-editing Discussion*** § Wife reading volcano book to son journal o Do you feel pressure to sound a certain way in your journals discussion o Freewriting & Intro to Growing and Cooking (Elbow, 1973) o “Snow” by Julia Alvarez o “From Onion to My Grandmother” by Georgia Heard o Significant Word from WAB free write o Pair up: pointing, summarizing, telling o Embellishment

January 23, 2015 • Group interview with Gwen, Mallory, Heidi, Jeremy.

January 27, 2015 (Tuesday) • “Stages of an Internship” o Anticipation o Disillusionment § Expectations discussion o Confrontation: lots of student reaction o Competence o Culmination • Students share WAB placement stories experienced the past week • Review of history of your placement journal • Writer’s Workshop (not sure all of the same things were done as Friday’s class. This class did not go as well as Friday’s). o Journaling discussion *** (good transcript for group discussion) o Over-editing Discussion*** § Wife reading volcano book to son journal o Do you feel pressure to sound a certain way in your journals discussion o Freewriting & Intro to Growing and Cooking (Elbow, 1973) o “Snow” by Julia Alvarez o “From Onion to My Grandmother” by Georgia Heard o Significant Word from WAB free write o Pair up: pointing, summarizing, telling

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o Embellishment

January 30, 2015 (Friday) • Writer’s Workshop o Show, Don’t Tell o Make an emotional face activity o “The Things They Carried” by O’Brien o “The Education of the Eye: Staring” by Heard o Emotion described through concrete details free write • What have you realized about yourself? Discussion. See 10:09, 10:15, 10:24, • Evaluations • Assignment: Re-read journals; Third Eye Journal

February 3, 2015 (Tuesday) • Writer’s Workshop o Show, Don’t Tell o Make an emotional face activity o “The Things They Carried” by O’Brien o “The Education of the Eye: Staring” by Heard o Emotion described through concrete details free write • What have you realized about yourself/Regrets Discussion. See 10:26, 10:30, 10:32, 10:35, 10:41 • Evaluations • Assignment: Re-read journals; Third Eye Journal

February 6, 2015 (Friday) • Did you re-read your journals Discussion • “Can We Reclaim Time to Think?” • Writer’s Workshop o “Orientation” by Orozco o “How did you become oriented to the world of your placement” free write o Life-graph

February 10, 2015 (Tuesday) • Mid-Walkabout Goals • Did you reach your goals discussion • Writer’s Workshop o “Orientation” by Orozco o “How did you become oriented to the world of your placement” free write • WAB Book Submission Rough Drafts Discussion with handout

February 13, 2015 (Friday) • Mid-Walkabout Goals • Did you reach your goals discussion

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• Blocks to achieving goals discussion as preparation for today’s reading. See 9:50 with Gwen. • “What Can I Learn From Doing Grunt Work: A Case of Frustration” article with discussion. See 10:02, 10:19, 10:23-10:28 (on journaling) • WAB Book Submission Rough Drafts Discussion with handout

February 17, 2015 (Tuesday) • Students report on their week • “What Can I Learn From Doing Grunt Work: A Case of Frustration” article with discussion. • Review of rough draft for Walkabout Book: Cheryl.

February 20, 2015 (Friday) • Seminar canceled on account of cold weather

February 24, 2015 (Tuesday) • Random discussions: traffic tickets, paid internships, graduation gowns, Lincoln’s reputation, middle school. • Discussion of parents’ reaction to upcoming graduation; stress. At 11:04, Leslie encourages using this as “journal fodder” • Review of rough drafts for Walkabout book: Veronicaand Renae

February 27, 2015 (Friday) • Review of rough drafts for Walkabout book: Erin, Heidi, Mallory

March 3, 2015 (Tuesday) • Last Tuesday group seminar • Review of first placement. Students reflect on what they have learned. • Review of rough draft for Walkabout Book: Katie

March 6, 2015 (Friday) • Last Friday group seminar • Business items: When are “out-of-towners” leaving?; medical release forms; second placement proposals; final evaluations for first placement; select a new journal mentor; important dates (Symposium practices, senior meeting, Symposium presentations, graduation) • Writer’s Workshop

March 13, 2015 (Friday) • No Seminar • Walkabout Spring Break

March 20, 2015 (Friday) • No Seminar

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• First week of second Walkabout placement

March 27, 2015 (Friday) • First combine seminar—only one seminar per week now. • Students report on their first 1-2 weeks of the second placement • College Decisions • Review of rough draft for Walkabout Book: Sabrina

April 3, 2015 (Friday) • On asking mentors to serve as references. • Students give reports on their week. • College Decisions • Review of rough draft for Walkabout Book: Chuck L. • Details on placement interviews from Leslie: Renae and Heidi

April 10, 2015 (Friday) • on writing essay for college scholarships • review of Symposium presentation handout • Review of rough draft for Walkabout Book: Cheyenne • Review of rough draft for Walkabout Book: Shelby • Review of rough draft for Walkabout Book: Cass

April 17, 2015 (Friday) • away at AERA

April 24, 2015 (Friday) • Review of rough draft for Walkabout Book: Sanni • Review of rough draft for Walkabout Book: Zeke • Review of rough draft for Walkabout Book: Cheyenne #2 • Review of rough draft for Walkabout Book: Sabrina #2

May 1, 2015 (Friday) • Business: o do you want to be paired with anyone for Symposium? o College decisions o Scholarships o Students need lots of practice for Symposium lecture o Warnings against cookie-cutter presentations (9:25-9:28) o Cap and gown directions • Symposium practice presentation: Mallory • Students fill out feedback forms and engage in whole class oral peer review • Symposium practice presentation: Greg • Students fill out feedback forms and engage in whole class oral peer review

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May 8, 2015 (Friday) • Symposium practice presentation: Misti • Students fill out feedback forms and engage in whole class oral peer review • Symposium practice presentation: Sabrina • Students fill out feedback forms and engage in whole class oral peer review • Symposium practice presentation: Heidi • Students fill out feedback forms and engage in whole class oral peer review • Symposium practice presentation: Sanni • Students fill out feedback forms and engage in whole class oral peer review

May 15, 2015 (Friday) • Symposium practice presentation: Shelby • Students fill out feedback forms and engage in whole class oral peer review • Symposium practice presentation: Cass • Students fill out feedback forms and engage in whole class oral peer review • Symposium practice presentation: Katie • Students fill out feedback forms and engage in whole class oral peer review • Symposium practice presentation: Piper • Students fill out feedback forms and engage in whole class oral peer review • Symposium practice presentation: Afton • Students fill out feedback forms and engage in whole class oral peer review

May 18, 2015 (Monday) • Symposium practice presentation: Adin • Students fill out feedback forms and engage in whole class oral peer review • Symposium practice presentation: Jeremy • Students fill out feedback forms and engage in whole class oral peer review

May 19, 2015 (Tuesday) • Symposium practice presentation: Heidi #2 • Students fill out feedback forms and engage in whole class oral peer review • Symposium practice presentation: Mallory #2 (I do not have a recording) • Students fill out feedback forms and engage in whole class oral peer review

May 20, 2015 (Wednesday) • Senior Meeting

May 22, 2015 (Friday) • Student Symposium Presentations

May 23, 2015 (Saturday) • Public Symposium Presentations • Senior Recognition

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Appendix F

Detailed Instructional Chain for “Heidi”

1. January 5-11 a. 1/6: group interview with Larkin (Heidi, Jeremy, Gwen, Mallory) b. 1/7: WAB Kickoff: announces radio show for WAB #1 and NYC or London to work in film or theatre for WAB #2 c. 1/8*: Starts at All Sides with Ali Fallon Radio Show; into to people she is working with; preparing notecards; EG—“Take your dreams seriously” d. 1/9*: arrived way too early; water cups; descriptions of feeling powerless and confused; finding clips for Newsies show—worried she will do it wrong. 2. January 12-18 a. 1/12*: Initial experience: boring awkward; “I need to earn my place;” unclear expectations; microwave and stapler small stories; looking up stuff on legalizing marijuana b. 1/13*: “lackey jobs . . . I’m happy to get that done for them;” routine; Initial thoughts and feelings: ignorant/stupid; researching ideas; first attempt at writing—“intimidating”; Feels like they are trying to include her; hopes she is useful. c. 1/14*: not enough to do—“feels “kind of useless;” meets with Ali about her first attempt at writing—“she basically changed everything I wrote;” feeling “intimidated” by Ali; feels like she is being treated like one of the other interns; positives of the job d. 1/15*: interesting show—call system crashed; HC’s music clips are played; running out of work—“unsure of myself;” negatives of the job e. 1/16: deleted journal—“terrible mood . . . complaining about my mental health” f. 1/16: Seminar 3. January 19-25 a. 1/20: hard to come back; preparing ideas for State of Union address; working with Hadley on uploading podcast—failure; working on hockey script; read her name over the air—“That’s kinda cool;” worries about “leaving something unfinished;” initial goals; “I’m such a downer” b. 1/22: feeling “crappy;” Ali changing her writing*; musical stress (Secret Garden); how her job fits into the whole organization c. 1/23: State of the Union clips; Marcus asking about Walkabout—“It was the first time I felt a real connection with him;” disillusionment stage d. 1/23: Seminar

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4. January 26-February 1 a. 1/26*: Musical stress; winter driving stress; feeling useless in a meeting— “stupid . . . ignorant;” OCD about Google docs; feels like she picks things up quickly; had not been able to do podcast by herself; reflecting on tiredness b. 1/27*: Benedict Cumberbatch fan; HC angry about Benedict Cumberbatch receiving criticism for using the word “colored;” traffic accidents; Republican and Democrat on show—lots of calls against Republican, only one for Democrat so HC wonders if the show really is “all sides” c. 1/28*: another traffic accident—feeling “shitty” about emailing Marcus about being late two days in a row; musical stress—having to dress Erin while singing “MY song;” rants with mom about it; free NPR picnic blanket; joking with other interns and Ali about blanket and chat—feeling more comfortable; watched Hadley do podcast—likes Hadley, says, “She’s kind of like a big sister” d. 1/29*: teaser performance of The Secret Garden; the things she is learning journal prompt e. 1/30: Seminar f. 1/30 and 1/31: performance of The Secret Garden 5. February 2-8 a. 2/2: read through journals to look for patterns—says she complains a lot and not very reflective; thinks she is less happy on WAB; missing friends; wonders if she is writing enough; reflecting on the musical—says it went well, anticipates missing her theatre friends b. 2/3: researched Lyndon B. Johnson; All-State Choir trip approaching; refusing to do the assigned Third Eye Journal c. 2/4: reports that All-State choir sucked—describes annoying people; liked her three blonde roommates; still in disillusionment stage—cites trouble communicating with Marcus; wants to talk about her next WAB placement with Leslie d. 2/5: responding to Leslie’s questions; says her work researching and giving ideas is “wasting her time” because they do not use them; sleep and unmotivated—up too late texting a boy from The Secret Garden, the acting ability of Benedict Cumberbatch e. 2/6: missing friends; laughs a lot less on WAB; reunion with friend Karen; “Part of me feels like I’m missing out;” Renae’s Facebook post—“We’re less happy;” reflection on group work and acting—“I need to get my energy from others;” thinking about how a previous WAB student did not like working on the radio show either f. 2/6: Seminar 6. February 9-15 a. 2/9*: worried about evaluation meeting with Marcus; Ali is not there and that means less stress; moves computers; meeting at 1; no specific job so she did independent researching

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b. 2/10*: spilled water; proud of doing the podcast on her own; finding sound clips; feeling expendable c. 2/11*: routine; real estate research; defining what it means to deliver emails; current blocks to being effective in situation prompt—thinks in the future she will think she wasted this opportunity d. 2/12*: craziness surrounding the announcement of the Democratic National Convention—Columbus did not get it; finding sound clips; she knew the news before Yahoo News; Mandie hosted show for only second time e. 2/13*: the Macbeth curse—her only superstition due to past experiences; evaluation meeting with Marcus; Marcus wants her to do the podcast now and wants her to ask “What can I work on?” instead of “What would you like me to work on?” and wants HC to come up with ideas for shows and even wants her to produce a show; Marcus asked about HC’s life f. 2/13: Seminar g. 2/13: Interview with Larkin 7. February 16-22 a. No journals b. 2/20: Seminar cancelled (cold?) 8. February 23-March 1 a. 2/23: Bemoaning having friends over until 2 AM; only went to WAB once last week because of sickness; drove all the way there and Marcus said she could stay home, turned around; does not feel helpful to them; Ali asks HC, “What are they talking about in the high schools?’ and HC freezes; asked to be in charge of a show on African American theatre; Benedict did not win the Oscar and she is bummed b. 2/24: wrote on African American theatre show; did podcast; what I’ve learned about myself prompt—can’t have a career where she has a daily routine; thinks she is more serious now than before WAB c. 2/25: responses to Leslie’s earlier questions; discouraged about the research she does that does not get used; yes, she feels it’s bad to be expendable; “I feel like my whole WAB is me trying to kill time;” watched the whos and chat, few emails, did podcast; “I remembered everything, surprisingly. Go me;” recruited dad to help with questions for African American theatre show; frustrated that Marcus never walks by when she is on a roll; taken aback by office people she does not know saying hello; meets with Ali about writing for African American theatre show—“And guess what? She changed everything.” d. 2/26: saying she is not working hard because there are no rewards; wishes there was more breaking news days; Macbeth curse; computer change made the podcast challenging e. 2/27: visited her friend Erin’s class that she is teaching; went to rehearsal at main high school and got all nostalgic; half-hearted effort writing about her goals

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f. 2/27: Seminar: Peer review of HC’s draft for WAB book. 9. March 3-March 9 a. 3/3: Sent an email excited about writing for the African American theatre show. Sent me her script. b. Break week. No journals. c. 3/6: Seminar 10. March 9-15 a. Struggles with WAB #2 placement b. 3/12: interview with Larkin 11. March 16-22 a. Starts WAB #2 as wardrobe intern on set for movie: I Am Wrath starring John Travolta. Her journal mentor is now JK. b. 3/18: Mentors Jeannie and Jaclyn; statehouse scene; putting black tape over logos on people’s clothes; taking pictures of extras; hit by old man on bicycle; likes being prasied by Jaclyn (she rarely got praised at radio show); learning about call sheets; Base camp—super nice people; Crissy from CCAD; the father from The Fault in Our Stars; exhausted but happy c. 3/19: be at base camp at 1:42; not allowed on set because of lingerie scene; printing pictures of characters in costume; getting to know Crissy; making a costume for “Meth Head;” working on a “fitting” with Mandy; exhausted but excited d. 3/20: can’t remember everything; run to an actor’s hotel room to get his suit; expectations versus reality prompt 12. March 23-29 a. 3/23: 12 hour work day; paperwork—organizing receipts for 5 hours; running to stores—hand warmers, poster board, moving boxes; “grunt work” b. 3/24: more running around—hangers, seam rippers, safety pins, poster board; organizing the trailer; not feeling well; worried about getting scholarships done; I, friend from Lincoln, will be joining the set c. 3/25: sends Larkin her most recent journals d. 3/26: first time crying in 6 days; filling up car with gas for first time; the wrong hangers; still no gas; calls mom and cries; struggles, cries some more, goes back to return hangers; calls dry cleaner to find the right hangers and to avoid talking in person; running more errands with I; “skeevy areas” e. 3/27: more errands; indoor filming of car scene; Travolta sighting; I misses seeing him twice; resisting the urge to ask for a picture f. 3/27: Seminar 13. March 30-April 5 a. 3/30: running errand with I; eating together; Travolta saying hello; park downtown—favorite location b. 3/31: not welcome on set; first “semi-rude” event; more errands— returning clothes; “sketchy part of town;” possibility of getting paid

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c. 4/1: lamenting how bad she has been about doing journals d. 4/3: Seminar 14. April 6-April 12 a. No journals b. 4/10: Seminar 15. April 13-19 a. No journals b. 4/17: Seminar (I was absent) 16. April 20-26 a. No journals b. 4/24: Seminar 17. April 27-May 3 a. No journals b. 5/1: Seminar 18. May 4-10 a. No journals b. 5/5: Email from me asking about journals and/or feedback from JK, journal mentor c. 5/6: apologizing for having nothing to send me; says she has been going through personal stuff and on limbo between WAB’s since the movie wrapped. Says she has not received any feedback from journal mentor d. 5/8: Symposium Practice 19. May 11-17 a. No journals b. Last week of WAB c. 5/15: Seminar d. 5/15: Interview with Larkin 20. May 18-24 a. 5/19: Symposium Practice b. 5/20: Senior Meeting c. 5/22: Final Symposium Presentation d. 5/23: Lincoln Graduation (Senior Recognition)

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