Philippe & Jorge’

Phillipe & Jorge’s Cool, Cool World: Buckle Up for a Rant: Your superior correspondents have had quite enough Beyond Belief Warning: This going to be a rant, so find a “safe space” to read it, and buckle your seat belt. When is someone going to shoot off the flare that alerts everyone to the fact that our President, Donald Pussy-grab, is certifiably delusional, erratic and basically barking mad on a day-to-day basis? This isn’t just Trump-bashing, it is simply observing his behavior. Phillipe and Jorge aren’t sure about you, but if any of our friends said they were a “very stable genius” and boasted of their “great and unmatched wisdom,” we would be edging toward the door and taking them off our future party invite list. This almost puts the egos and posturing of Benito Mussolini and our old pal Adolf to shame, never mind the modern autocratic, mass-murdering dictators of this age — take a bow, shirtless Vlad Putin, frothingly insane Kim Jong UnDeuxTrois (he of the 18 holes in one he had while playing golf for the first time), Salman Dismemberment whatever-the-hell-his-name is trillionaire son of the desert, and countless South American major domos who the Orange Orangutan holds in high esteem. Boy, they just don’t make them like Idi Amin anymore, do they? P&J’s temperate, considered solution to the fact that we have a reckless, unbridled commander-in-chief who is making America look like the most ignorant shower of assholes in the world would be to either horsewhip him to within an inch of his life outside Trump Tower in New York City or simply string him up, the latter of which is the only language he understands, which includes English. We, as a country, deserve much, much better than this. A delusional head of state who, because it dawned on him he lost the popular vote, has just signed a death warrant for the courageous Kurds who had our back against Isis and the scumbag Syrian leader Bashar al-Assad who is wheeling and dealing with China, the Ukraine and Russia. We’ve said this before and we’ll say it again: For all the talk of Trump’s “base” support, if he went into a bar for a beer and started talking loudly about stiffing his contractors, grabbing pussies and being a genius unmatched in wisdom, he would at best clear the stools and at worst get his ass handed to him. And the blatant nepotism and appointing people to jobs for which they would never get invited to interview for is equally appalling. Daughter Ivanka, whose tits Daddy has all but admitted wanting to fondle, is a fashion designer whose cheap, Chinese-labor made crapola wouldn’t make the shelves at a dollar store. Her hubby, Jared Kushner, the deer-in-the-headlights, know-nothing little schmuck, is an idiot whose father bought his way into Harvard and couldn’t be further over his head if he were at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, and the breathtakingly arrogant and preening sons Donald Jr. and Eric, who can’t find their asses with both hands. Oh, and let’s not forget Melania, the Eastern European mail- order who is essentially a Mortimer Snerd for her ventriloquist husband. Add Attorney General Bill “Phat Phuc” Barr to the list along with Nosferatu look-alike Rudy Giuliani, and you have the official American nightmare. And that loud roaring sound you hear as you drift off to sleep is that of our Founding Fathers spinning like industrial lathes in their graves. Passages At Casa Diablo a couple of weeks back, your superior correspondents made a point of wearing black armbands when we heard that Rip (now R.I.P.) Taylor had passed away. Rip was a P&J favorite and also very close to the mother of Casa Diablo regular Max Alexander. Back in the late 1970s, when Max was bartending at the legendary Leo’s bar and restaurant on Chestnut Street and living at the Casual Research Institute with Jorge (Rudy Cheeks), John Rector, owner of Leo’s tried to inveigle Rip to do a one-man show at Leo’s. Max is the author of Man Bites Log (2004) and Bright Lights, No City (2012), both of which we highly recommend. Philippe & Jorge’s Cool, Cool World: Towering Turd: And in its shadow lies La Prov The Awful Tower Despite the protests of Phillipe and Jorge, the atrocious design of the Hope Point Tower has been approved by the I-95 Redevelopment Commission. This monstrosity that will be sited downtown next to the Providence River, on land that was supposed to preserved as a park, has been described by the developers as La Prov’s Eiffel Tower. More like Awful Tower as far as P&J are concerned. The Awful Tower is designed to be more than 40 stories tall, which will dwarf the Capital City’s skyline. It will contain retail stores and a six-story parking garage at its base, and 40 stories of luxury housing and condominiums above. It is projected to have tenants run, not walk, to buy their fancy digs in the sky, but P&J are not optimistic. Do Davol Square and the Superman building ring any bells? This Jetson-like structure is a potential white elephant, and while we do not see the Awful Tower as being a centerpiece attraction, as opposed to a hideous eyesore, we will keep our fingers crossed for the fate of Our Little Towne. Stormy Weather Allow us to share with you our pet peeve of the week: How TV weather people, who probably wish to be called “meteorologists,” but not in this space, tell us what we have to wear each day depending upon their (often incorrect) forecasts. Now this might seem like a good idea to TV people, but to P&J it is the height of arrogance and maddening pretension. It seems each and every weather update has to include a list of what you or your children at the bus stop should be wearing that day. So if the sun is out on a hot day, we are told to don sunglasses and t-shirts. If it’s cold, please put on your sweatshirt or sweater, is their incredibly prescient advice. Oh, and boots if it’s snowing. You’re welcome. What makes this a bête noir for P&J is that by giving the public this incredibly astute advice they are assuming their viewers are absolute morons. Although this is the guiding principal of most TV executives. Years ago, Phillipe moderated a panel on TV news at URI for journalism students and the public, one of whose panel members was the news director at WPRI-Channel 12. At one point, in response to a question, he bluntly replied, “We think our viewers are dumb as shit.” This made the crowd gasp, although P. impolitely and immediately burst out laughing — because he knew it was the unvarnished truth. That philosophy still holds true. So P&J would pull TV viewers’ coats with this incisive bit of information: When you get up in the morning, look outside your window. And if you can’t figure out what might be the smart things to be wearing that day when you venture out, you need more serious help than a TV weatherbot. P&J on Cable Public Access Well, Jorge, anyway. Jorge was recently taped for an appearance on the “Tommy Rocket Show” for Vo Dilun’s public access TV channel. The interview was conducted by co-hosts Tommy Rocket and Peter Phipps (the former Providence Journal reporter). Among the topics discussed are the Cool, Cool World column. The show runs on various days and times and is subsequently uploaded to YouTube. For those who are curious but know little about the history of P&J, you’ll find this show interesting. Latest Trends Among Borderline Lunatics Your superior correspondents were watching an NBC television newscast where there was a report about new white supremacist trends. Apparently, putting your thumb and forefinger in a circle (a signal that formerly meant “okay”) is now a sign of white supremacist solidarity and an old-fashioned bowl hairdo is a new white supremacist look. While these alleged trends are pretty nuts, that they might replace older white supremacist behaviors like blowing on one’s forearm to make a flatulence sound or flapping your arms wildly by your sides as a modified dance move, may be a blessing of sorts. Phillipe & Jorge’s Cool, Cool World: He’s Fast, We’re Furious: How do you solve a problem like The Donald? We Give Up Due to the gap between when Phillipe and Jorge have to file our copy and when it comes out on the newsstands, we have almost given up on writing about our pathologically lying, infantile, racist president, Orange Orangutan. Anything projectile-vomited forward on a Friday by The Donald is bound to be overwhelmed by something equally offensive or idiotic by the following Wednesday, when this column becomes fish wrapper. But one thing that should be hanging over America’s #1 groper’s head is that the current administration is like a kindergarten class. Now that the absurd John Bolton has been pushed out of the helicopter, the lead positions in Trump’s stage show are now either total incompetents, or “acting” heads of important department heads or adviser groups. The “acting” moniker is important to note because it means that person does not have to be confirmed by the US Senate, most of who won’t pass muster, and Trump knows it.

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