GayMardiGras.COM • GayNewOrleans.COM • SouthernDecadence.COM • Oct. 9-22, 2012 • The Official Mag: AmbushMag.COM • 21 joint stumble. You must practice, prac- might not notice you, going shopping, reVIEW...books, movies, cds tice, practice. and a rooftop cocktail party. Again body Design elements in a zombie abode and breath odor vary according to the include a black and white television set situation. Places to avoid are beaches, tuned to static, a rusty, broken shop- military bases, hospitals, nursing by Blanche ping cart, crumbling bricks by the fire- homes, and the airport. Coming out as Email: [email protected] place, a freestanding toilet, buckets a zombie to family and friends may be Photo by Larry Graham, GrahamStudioOne.COM filled with mysterious liquids, old metal risky. Tell your mother first and you will coat hangers, heavy chains, dead be home free with everyone else. Get hen I pulled up to my plants, a pile of mannequin body parts, friends really drunk; going on a long trip building one afternoon smashed vases and old, broken furni- is good. Try having children, puppies, Wlast week I noticed a ture. or old people around. large box from FedEx at my door. I was Last but not least are your zombie ZOMBIE EYE FOR THE LIVING curious as I hadn’t ordered anything. social skills. When hanging with a mixed GUY is a fun read. It could be a coffee- The last time I received a package this crowd you will not want to smell like a table book, a gift, a guide for your big, the Saints had won the Super Bowl zombie. No zombie body odor or breath. Halloween preparations, or a blueprint and a certain past grand marshal had Keep things fun and playful and most for your life. Remember, real zombie gone shopping at the NFL store. It activities will be open to you. When in activity is dangerous and illegal. Enjoy turned out to be a box of new books a horde of zombies, you can look like a yourself but play safe. from the AMBUSH office. New books zombie, smell like a zombie, groan like are always welcome here in lower Ala- a zombie, and work yourself into a COLUMNIST NOTE: My how time bama, especially books with a gay frenzy. Outdoor activities and events in flies when you're having fun. 30 short theme. Thank you Rip and Marsha. large spaces are recommended. Wan- years ago, IT’S RAINING MEN was ZOMBIE EYE FOR THE LIVING dering the French Quarter scaring released by the WEATHER GIRLS, GUY: Look Undead, Cook Undead, people could be fun, but be safe. Other Martha Wash and Izora Rhodes Dress Undead & Live Undead (Marion How do you dress like a zombie? activities include a graveyard picnic, Armstead (1942-2004). YOU GO Press, October 2012) is a tongue-in- Wear a size too big, you will look shriv- riding the bus...though some people GIRLS... cheek look into zombie life. It could be eled. Distress your clothes...run over a coffee-table book, a bathroom library them with your car, screech on your book, or a primer for those wanting to brakes for that runned-over look. Put “effect” the zombie lifestyle...and zom- motor oil on rusty chains and beat real estate bies are everywhere. Montgomery, them. Use hammers, anything. Then Alabama just had it’s 2nd Annual Zom- hang them up to dry. Don’t mix and bie Walk and Prom to benefit the local match...what was stressed together, Pay Off Your Mortgage in Half the Time food bank. pair together. Wear smaller shoes...feet with Bi-Weekly Payments With text by J. M. Hewitt, make-up swell on decaying bodies. Distress your ne way to pay off your mortgage faster is to make bi-weekly by Peter Swords Stevens, and photog- shoes until they're comfortable...more mortgage payments instead of monthly ~ this can save you hun- raphy by Alexander Colby the book fake blood. Remember, zombies don’t Odreds of thousands of dollars in interest over the long-term as well guides you through the inner prepara- sweat so bathe normally. But you must as allow you to make paying off the mortgage less of an endurance test. If your tion, teaches you how to achieve the smell like a zombie...put your clothes in mortgage is amortized correctly over the 26 weeks, then you can take years off look, develop the lifestyle, and master a bag for three days with rotten eggs, of the time it would normally take to pay your 30 year mortgage off and save a the social skills necessary to be a zom- carry stinky cheese in your pockets, huge amount of money in interest payments. bie. soak in a bath of stinky tofu brine. As times are a little tougher more and more lending institutions are trying to You must first do a self-examina- Develop a corpse breath...gargle with help consumers by offering bi-weekly and even weekly options to homeowners tion. Do you like wandering around the garlic water...chew durian gum, avail- so they can pay off the mortgage faster. Quarter late at night in corpse-like able at Asian markets...or chew on Here is an example of how this can work; let’s say your mortgage payment make-up, wearing dirty, greasy, ripped asha root, taste like burnt rubber and is $800 dollars per month, so you’re paying $9,600.00 per year. If you pay bi- clothes? Do you want your partner to makes your breath smell the same. weekly payments (26 payment of $400.00) you actually end up paying an see you as a zombie? Will you spend The decision on body and breath odor additional $800 per year, or one full extra payment that comes directly off of your your weekends perfecting your zombie will depend on the type of zombie you principal. walk? Then you must decide which are and the occasion. On a $200,000 mortgage at 5%, you’ll pay off the loan in 25 years, vs. 30 and zombie lifestyle is right for you...the You should develop your zombie shave off more than $34,000 in interest cost! zombie imitator, every once in lifestyle. Eating human flesh and suck- Many lenders offering bi-weekly payments have mortgage calculators right awhile...the drag zombie, it’s all about ing human blood is not only illegal, it’s on their sites that can help you figure out if shortening the length of your mortgage the performance...the transzombie, dangerous. Cocktail recipes in the book by paying biweekly will work for you. twenty-four hours a day, seven days a include the Braingarita, the Burnt This is a simple plan to quickly reduce your mortgage debt offering you week...or the zombie, where you actu- Manhatten, and the Eyeball Martini. additional equity/security to make it through future rough periods, like the period ally become one, legally no one can Appetizers include the Cracked we’re just coming out of. condone this choice. As in coming out Open Head Salad, the Skewered Keep in mind most lenders also allow you the option to make lump sum of the closet, you must accept yourself Brainstem, and Blood Drop Soup. En- payments towards your mortgage principle if you come into extra money. Check and the category you choose. trees are Skin Stew, Roasted Intestine with your lender to see if there are any restrictions, and always ensure your extra Next you must develop your look, Delight, and the Juicy Brain. Desserts payment is marked “principle only” to ensure it is applied as a principle reduction starting with your hair. The less you include Baby Fingers, Coagulated vs. an interest payment. shampoo, the more terrifying the "do." Blood Sorbet, and Bone Brownies. Keep it long, always air dry, get an Keep around some Karo Syrup, pome- With today’s low interest rates its always tempting to refinance, and refi- uneven razor cut, and never comb or granate juice, cauliflower, peeled nance again, and refinance again… with each refinance may come a slightly brush it...use your fingers for that ex- grapes, blueberries, manicotti pasta, lower payment, but it also comes with a new “30 year term”, you’re starting over aggerated bed head look. Moving on to and black-eyed peas. No zombie again. It may be much more prudent to use a bi-weekly mortgage plan or make-up. Hire a pro if you can and kitchen would be complete without a additional principle lump sum payments to reach your goals. learn tips from him. Always start clean hacksaw, industrial scissors, a nail gun, and clean-shaven. Buy leftover make- a blowtorch, a machete, a butcher block There are sites like www.GayMortgageLoans.com that are free databases up after Halloween and practice; go and some bleach for cleaning. of gay, lesbian and gay friendly mortgage lenders and brokers if you need online for tips. Develop your “look,” the All-important is mastering the zom- assistance, and always check with your financial planner or CPA for the best path gorier the wounds the better. Develop bie walk. Techniques include the bound- to meeting your financial and retirement goals. your own recipe for fake blood...you feet drag, the toddler two-step, the can never have enough. Frankenstein stomp and the arthritic Author Jeff Hammerberg is the Founding CEO of www.GayRealEstate.com.

22 • The Official Mag: AmbushMag.COM • Oct. 9-22, 2012 • Official Halloween Guide • HalloweenNewOrleans.COM under the gaydar

by Tony Leggio Email: [email protected] Photo by: Larry Graham, GrahamStudioOne.COM Bartender of the Month here is something to be said about Jacks of all Trades, people with many talents. My Tchoice for bartender of the month of Octo- ber is just one of those people. He is a witty, talented and professional guy who makes going to his bar an absolute delight. I am talking about the one and only Cha Cha at Good Friends. Not only is Cha Cha one of the most lovable bartenders in the city, but he is a pretty skilled singer. You can catch him showing off his vocal prowess upstairs at Good Friends on Sundays or at Karaoke at Lafitte’s on Wednesdays. I think that flair along with his member very vividly one of the first times I hung out at Cha Cha’s sphere of warmth. You can actually happy go lucky bar. Hot in Cleveland was on the television and he was sense genuine happiness coming from demeanor dressed in a velour jumpsuit and grey wig impersonating Betty him. Bars in general, but especially makes it easy White to a tee. Since then I have been a regular to his bar. gay ones, should always help patrons for people to As a bartender, Cha Cha is efficient, friendly and quick. He feel safe and secure. Cha Cha creates Bartender of the Month gravitate to- knows his regulars and immediately makes newcomers feel [continued on 24] Cha Cha, Good Friends Bar ward him. I re- right at home. His endearing personality creates an atmo-

GayMardiGras.COM • GayNewOrleans.COM • SouthernDecadence.COM • Oct. 9-22, 2012 • The Official Mag: AmbushMag.COM • 23 out & about in mobile

B-Bob's 20 Year Anniversary Celebration Oct. 11-13 by Bob Brunson his will be a very exciting weekend in Mobile, Alabama as B-Bob’s will be celebrating 20 incredible years! YES, the PLATINUM ANNIVER- TSARY!!! Three days of wonderful parties with spectacular entertain- ment and loads of fun and drink specials planned for everyone! Mobile is barely over BayFest where approximately 200,000 people flock from all over the country to see performances by Journey, Pat Benatar, Willie Nelson, Rose Royce, Al Green, Grace Potter, etc… and B-Bob’s owner Jerry Ehlen has another big party weekend already in motion. After twenty years of business in Mobile, Jerry continues without hesitation to offer our community continuous weekend entertainment and party after party keeping the downtown Mobile entertainment district jumping. On any given day throughout the year, you can only imagine who’s in-flight to Mobile to perform at B-Bob’s. We have seen top Billboard recording artists including Martha Wash, Tiffany, Abigail, Expose’, Amber, Bonnie Pointer, Kristine W, Pepper Mashay, Jeanie Tracy, Amuka, Vicki Shepard, Thea Austin, Cover Girls, Cynthia Manley, Ultra Nate’ and the list goes on and on... We have also seen drag talent from everywhere; the likes of Australia’s drag phenomenon , San Francisco’s Drag Diva Donna Sachet, RuPaul’s contestants, , , , , Manila Luzon, Mimi Imfurst, , , Willam, Bebe Zahara Benet, and many more. We’ve seen comediennes, puppeteers and magicians; appearances have been made by world renowned DJs, and we have even laid eyes on some of the world’s hottest porn stars and Colt models. All thanks to B-Bob’s owner Jerry Ehlen, who never misses a beat, supplying us with world class entertainment all year long. This weekend B-Bob’s will once Venus Shante’ DaVis and show direc- again be host to outstanding artists, tor and Blonde Bombshell Miss Cie. performers and parties, all of which are Friday night will host Bear and back by popular demand to pay tribute Leather Night and kick off at 9pm with to 20 fabulous years! And watch out… complimentary cocktails from 9-10pm. Sharon McNight with four new big screens behind the At 10pm be ready for a special 45 her “one of the great wonders of the character impersonations, welcoming bar and televisions throughout, you will minute show with none other than the musical stage.” She is most noted for the return of the very talented Brittany be sure to see some of the wildest and incredible talents of Sharon McNight! her movie reenactment of The Wizard Spears Impersonator, . craziest moments on new slideshows Sharon made her Broadway debut in of OZ and for being one of the few real The show will kick off at 11:30pm with dating back as far as 1992!! Watch 1989 in Starmites, creating the role of women to impersonate Bette Davis. a special production by the B-Bob’s closely… you too are probably on the Diva. She received a Tony award nomi- Don’t miss this special performance cast and will also include character big screen! nation as “Best Leading Actress in a including many songs from her album performances by the fabulous Toni Dee Thursday night will kick off the Musical” for her performance, and is Songs to Offend Almost Everyone! and the Asian Goddess Miss Regine anniversary weekend with the all new the recipient of the coveted Theatre After Sharon’s show the celebra- Phillips. “ON STAGE” Karaoke Night from 9pm Worlds Award for “Outstanding Broad- tion will continue with dancing and at Needless to say this will be a week- till 11pm followed by a show at 11:30pm way Debut.” The singer/comedienne 11:30pm a show with B-Bob’s all-star end to remember (or try to remember) with the newly crowned Miss Southern has played from Moose Hall to Carnegie cast and guests. and 3 nights of parties not to be missed. States Regine Phillips, Hostess Hall and anywhere the check doesn’t On Saturday, the finale of the 20th Congratulations Jerry for 20 wonderful Jawakatema Davenport, Mobile’s Icon bounce. The Los Angeles Times call Year Anniversary weekend is all about years of service to our community!!

under the gaydar ...from 23 bestofneworleans.com.

an environment of refuge from the craziness of the outside world, a place where Experience the Horror of Bingo, The Satyricon Way you can leave your troubles at the door and laugh with a friend. Whether you he Mystic Krewe of Satyricon is bringing back a special edition of their come with one or not, he is always there to crack a joke or listen to a problem; Let’s Make A Haunted Wheel of Bingo on Friday, October 19 at all with his natural effervescence. JohnPaul’s. Get your tricks or treats on for the naughtiest, wildest, Good Friends is a fitting bar for Cha Cha to work at, since when you are there T funniest and Halloweeniest game show in the city with uber sexy host Todd that is just what you are to him. So go check him out either behind the bar or Thunder. There will be a costume contest, 50/50 raffle and fabulous prizes which singing on Sundays. Good Friends is located at 740 Dauphine Street. include a lap dance from Todd himself. Tickets are $10 and doors open at 7 p.m. with the show starting at 8pm. Celebrate the Reds, Whites and Blues JohnPaul’s is located at 940 Elysian Fields. ambit and Select Brands is presenting Reds, Whites and The Blues on Thursday, October 18 from 6:30-9pm at the Pavilion of A French Fete: Marigny will be held in Washington GTwo Sisters in City Park. This is definitely one evening night not to Square from 10am to 6pm. be missed. This wine, spirits, food and music event benefits the Foundation for Marigny Style There is so many happenings at Entertainment Development and Education. Mas Mamones is the band for the n Sunday, October 21, this event which also marks the 40th night. Numerous local restaurants will provide gourmet cuisine. Having come experience a cel- anniversary of the Faubourg Marigny attended this fundraiser in the past, I can guarantee a good time. There is also Oebration of the Faubourg Improvement Association. There will this awesome raffle to win a 200 bottle wine basket. Can you imagine, I would Marigny at Fete Marigny. This festival be music, food, wine, home tours, kids’ be set for at least a month. not only honors one of the best neigh- activities, arts and crafts booths, Ticket prices start at $60. For more information, call 504.483.3129 or email borhoods in New Orleans, but also the [continued on 28] [email protected]. To purchase tickets online, go to city itself and all things French. Fete

24 • The Official Mag: AmbushMag.COM • Oct. 9-22, 2012 • Official Halloween Guide • HalloweenNewOrleans.COM GayMardiGras.COM • GayNewOrleans.COM • SouthernDecadence.COM • Oct. 9-22, 2012 • The Official Mag: AmbushMag.COM • 25